#it got me again

[randomgamefan]

Outers your wilds (my brain rots)

[kiirotoao]

Awkwardness, tension, and lies part 2: Michael, I damn well know who you are.

I’m trying to be funny with that title, but I’m also so not. It’s crazy that we have the airport scene at all to highlight tensions, but the fact that Mike acts the way that he does around Will astounds me most about that whole situation.

Here’s why.

Mike argued in the Rink-o-Mania fight that he focused on sending letters to El, that Will should have reached out if he wanted to talk, that it was Will’s fault that they drifted apart. Once he blamed his prioritizing his girlfriend, twice he blamed Will. He never blamed himself. But then he did by episode 4. He called himself “a total self-pitying idiot.” He made up with Will. It was pretty clear that he missed Will, especially when he said that “Hawkins, it’s not the same without you.”

So Mike did miss him. Right? And if that’s true, then he was lying in that fight, right? He could have done better. Dare I say it, Mike probably wishes he could have done better.

Backtrack to episode 2 with the airport scene, the first hug. Mike misses Will. Thanks to foresight, we know this for a fact. And even if Mike wasn’t truly thinking about missing Will at the time, it’s there. It exists. Missing someone - even if it’s only realized in a short amount of time - doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow burn. Why then doesn’t he hug Will, say that he missed him, and let the fact settle in his mind?

The thing is that the show seems to answer this as Mike “worrying too much about El,” as said in the apology in episode 4, which leads me to believe that he was expressing indifference in that airport scene because he wasn’t really thinking about Will. But then how might Mike explain his behavior towards that painting? He takes two looks at Will and clocks it and immediately asks about what it is. He might be inquisitive for a number of reasons that we don’t get. Maybe it’s because of El mentioning it in her letter. Maybe it’s because Mike’s never seen Will brandish such a large piece before, and he’s curious. Maybe it’s because he’s trying to make small talk. Whatever the weather, Mike is interested in Will by asking. But he also doesn’t try to show it. He takes Will’s answer about it and cooly says, “cool.” Dead-faced. So, hm. Every which way you look at his reactions and composure in that airport scene, it seems like there’s no clear way to understand his motives.

Unless he’s hiding something. Because to me, this all sounds like Mike is hiding something, and him hiding something would quite frankly answer everything.

See, the thing is that for Will, he hasn’t changed so much over the seasons. He’s still sassy, he’s still strong at heart, he still fights for what’s right. And he still. Loves. Mike. I said in my last post that they both changed, but in actuality, Will was ready to welcome Mike with open arms, give him his painting, and love him no matter what, just like before. It’s Mike who stifled that by being withdrawn. Mike changed. And it’s Mike’s withdrawal that caused Will to change his attitude.

So notice how the story becomes so labyrinthine and Byler-centered at the get-go in season 4 because of Mike. I think that the show being in either El or Will’s perspective/focus whenever Mike is on screen is so interesting because we know that Mike has changed, but we never quite understand how, and it leaves us guessing.

In that airport scene, is he happy to see Will? Is he nervous to see Will? Is he trying to ignore Will? It could be, and I believe that it is, all three, but one thing is for sure: Mike isn’t truly indifferent. If he was indifferent, he wouldn’t have pulled the gayest most heartwarming apology for what he said in the Rink-o-Mania fight and basically ask Will to be in his life exactly as they were again. No, Mike isn’t one for indifference with Will. We’ve seen this in season 3 in him bringing Lucas to go biking to Will’s house in the rain to apologize. Mike pursues Will. And for Mike, that never changes.

With all of this in mind, with Mike factually and expressively missing Will, with Mike changing and being withdrawn, with Mike still choosing to pursue Will later on, in that airport scene, what could he be hiding?

To answer this, I bring back the concepts of awkwardness, tension, and lies. Guess what ties all three of those things together along with his missing, withdrawing from, and still pursuing Will; that’s right! Deep-seated, internally homophobic, hidden feelings.

Mike hugged Dustin after Erica won Eddie’s campaign. He hugged Lucas at the hospital. He’s not immune to hugging his best friends or something. This is about Will. There’s something different about him, to Mike. And I hear the question, well, wasn’t it the distance that was different? Mike stayed in Hawkins with Dustin and Lucas. Maybe he’s just more comfortable with them. But to that I say, okay, so, if we believe that, then Mike didn’t hug Will because he doesn’t know Will anymore, and he’s uncomfortable being close to him after a long time. But from the way that he chose to reach out to Will and remain close to him emotionally tells me so much otherwise. Even after all that time, Mike made amends first after their fight. He gleaned that Will wanted things to change. He knew that he was at fault all on his own. “Oh, I didn’t say it.” “You didn’t have to.”

And, mind you, they fought because of the tension at the airport scene! I think that I need to really make that clear. I’ve been using the Rink-o-Mania fight as a crutch to my case, but truly, it’s on the main page just as much as the airport scene! The tension culminated with their fight. They were mad at each other. They had reasons to be, too. They left off unresolved. Things could have soured and we may have never gotten answers as to why Mike walked away. And then that could have been it! That could have been the end of Mike and Will! The Duffers could have had their storylines no longer intersect and their chemistry fall completely flat, but no. Mike gave an entire heartfelt apology and that was one of the only times that seasons that we heard from his heart and his thoughts. And it was all to Will.

Mike undeniably still knew Will; he knew him enough to know what he did wrong and came around realizing what Will had argued to him. Mike wanted to be comfortable with him again. So no, he didn’t truly alienate Will nor become too uncomfortable with him not to wish “best friend”ship again with him. But he wasn’t that way at the airport, so what gives? What first impression hampered him from being close to Will if he, deep down, wanted closeness with Will? What complicated things so much that he had to hesitate with Will at first?

Truly, the moment that Mike made the airport scene awkward, I think that Bylers won. We didn’t get Will tripping over his feet, down bad for Mike and giving him the painting right then and there to be rejected. We didn’t get them hugging like it was nothing. We didn’t get comfortable smiles. We got tension, conflict, resolve, and betterment. We got everything. And we saw Will’s van confession, so we know that he’s been pining after Mike. And from the setup of the airport scene, with the question of what is Mike hiding? I think that Mike could damn well be pining after Will, too. I believe that there’s love at work here, a kind of love that binds people together. A kind that fights and makes up. A kind that slowly figures out how to navigate life together and confronts and mollifies pain as needed. A kind that gives advice and listens. A kind that can’t stop watching the other for assurance. A kind that gives each other their all.

I love the airport scene because, in my mind, it solidifies the fact that something’s up with Mike that we don’t know explicitly yet that we’ll have to explore next season. We’ve been given Will’s heart, we’ve been given El’s heart, but Mike has deflected self-vulnerability time and time again for the sake of others. But interestingly enough, the one exception is his apology to Will. (And, no, I don’t count his monologue to El in the final episode of season 4 as true vulnerability. Truth is, El was dying on that table and Mike had a sense of obligation to save her - wholly or not, a sense at least, and if you disagree with that then you don’t know Mike at all - so all of his words might not have been true.) I hope that he gets to be a little selfish for his own good next season and focuses on himself.

And maybe, just maybe, we’ll know what hindered him at that airport. What he was truly thinking about. Perhaps who he was truly thinking about.

[officialkendallroy]

feeling an overwhelming amount of loneliness rn

[nerdyskeleton]

why don't you lie face down in bed listening to the credits song from howls movie castle and then you'll feel better

[freackthejester]

I'm so fucking sick! I miss how easy it was to call in sick when it was the plague. I'm not going to die on my feet for college food. I know what the economy is like, fucking fire me.

I'm so sick. It's a cold from hell and I feel bad and I want someone else to feed me soup and get me water. But I'm weird so I'm alone when I'm sick. This sucks. I'm so niceys, I went to work super sick for like two days, which I probably caught from the other guy who was bullied into being there when he was sick?

"Sure you're such, but do you think you could come and just wash dishes?" 😜 Does sanitation mean nothing to these people?

We'll get through,

[itsscaredycat]

so ok yeah fine i watched gravity falls again and read the book of bill

[void-drifter]

it’s cheaper to buy vegetables here

[holographings]

someone on twitter said Imagine what s2 jayce would give to talk to s1 viktor just one more time. and someone had a time travel alternate dimension fic ready to go. and i read it. and now my face is being eaten by 3750 feral dogs i think

[everchased]

THAT one's goin on the list too now!

[pangur-and-grim]

one thing that took me embarrassingly long to learn is "sometimes when people say things, they will not be true."

I used to tell people about this revelation and they'd be like yeah.....duh.....but like, why wouldn't my base assumption be that you're communicating to me in a straightforward manner. anyway, I get scammed a lot.

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[stemmmm]

more people gotta try this shit where bill has not improved and will not change but he's just chilling so its fine probably. its great

[nenoname]

hunting down a specific image but finding miscellaneous storyboards/some cut panels from the stan comic story instead

[mroddmod]

they are like puppies. 2 me

[koalabananabread]

My sleep paralysis demon is hotter than yours

[redsray]

i love the idea of the batfam wearing each other's merch cause like. i know they'd be petty about it. usually they'd wear their siblings merch in (kinda) equal rotations, but they'd change it up depending on sibling squabbles or sibling favours. Tim, walking into the kitchen in a Red Hood shirt: Dick: TIM!? Tim: what Dick: it's Tuesday. you always wear Nightwing merch on Tuesdays. Tim: oh. Tim: you stole my last granola bar, last week. Steph, looking for something in Jason's room: JASON WHY DO YOU HAVE EVERYONE'S MERCH BUT MINE?! Jason, peeking into the room: i have your merch. in the trash. Steph: WHY Jason: you hit me with a blue shell in mario kart last game night. i'm never forgiving you. Damian, sporting a full-on Red Robin hoodie: Tim: woah. what brought this on? you usually only exclusively wear Batman or Nightwing merch Damian: you helped me take that splinter out of Alfred's paw yesterday. Richard on the other hand has recently messed up my painting palette. Dick, from the other room: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Damian: he'll get over it. Cass, wearing Nightwing merch for the 5th day in a row: Jason: goddamn. what did Dickie do to get in your good graces like this? Cass, smiling: he made me a flower crown Jason: ... that's it? Cass: it was a very nice flower crown. Dick, buying seven Signal shirts: One for everyone. Duke, behind him: Dick, you really don't-- Dick: shhhh, sunshine. everyone will love your new merch. (they all wore exclusively Signal merch for a week straight) Bruce isn't allowed to change up his rotation or not wear someone's merch because he immediately gets accused of playing favourites. He'd rather keep some of his sanity, thank you.