#it felt like Bam release date

[starlaindisguise]

you know, i get it. sometimes i might be shocked when christmas rolls around and think about how all the time is gone, and how it all flashed by so fast. but what do you MEAN lego monkie kid season 5 is tomorrow

[hot-patootiee]

All fluff, omg so much tooth rotting fluff. You will get cavities from reading.

On A03

Their relationship was tentative at best.

Eddie had made out with a bruised Steve Harrington after he and Billy got into a fight. Eddie had looked at his lips for a second too long to be fully heterosexual and BAM! Kissing. (No Eddie wouldn’t tell him this was his first kiss.)

The details Eddie got were hazy at best, but Steve’s concussion could be the cause of the vague details.

It’s not like they were necessarily close. Emotionally, not physically.

Eddie sometimes worried that Steve’s queerness was something that would soon be blamed on the concussion.

But faithfully, every day, Eddie received a scrap of paper with either the location of a bathroom or empty classroom.

He’d go there, mildly expecting being jumped for being queer, but instead Steve would jump out at him and press him against the closest wall. He’d pull up on the underside of Eddie’s thighs and sometimes sit him on the sinks or the empty desks.

Eddie almost felt like Steve’s girlfriend. He had heard whispers about how he’d meet women in bathrooms for a little midday makeout session.

They obviously couldn’t be seen in public, but in their private spaces, Steve would nose along Eddie’s neck. Breathing him in and tasting him like it was all he wanted.

It was enough to give a guy mixed signals.

Steve was like king jock (not anymore, but still) guys like that didn’t engage in actual meaningful homosexual affairs.

It wasn’t until Eddie was given a time and date, accompanied by the location Skull Rock.

He was again suspicious, like any queer in a small town.

He nearly shat himself when he was tackled by a laughing Steve Harrington. They rolled over a few times on the leafy ground. Eddie’s panic rapidly faded into awkward laughter as he noticed there was nobody else.

“Heya Teddie!” Steve laughed out, a distinct tinge to his voice as he tried out the new nickname on his tongue.

“Heya Stevie!” Eddie mocked, finally laughing in earnest.

“Sorry we can’t meet in public. Kinda kills me that I can’t show you off.” Steve was nosing along Eddie’s neck, seeming most at home tucked as closely to Eddie as possible.

“Yea.” Eddie replied in a stringy tone, suddenly breathless at the implication of Steve’s words.

“I got this ready for us instead.” Steve gestured towards skull rock, but Eddie couldn’t see it yet. He had to wait until Steve was done peppering kisses up the side of Eddie’s face. Eddie’s face scrunched, a little ticklish at Steve’s quick kisses.

When Steve pulled away, Eddie was released of Steve’s weight, allowing him to look at what Steve had previously been gesturing to.

And oh my goodness.

What sat at the base of skull rock was a picnic. There was a plaid patterned blanket, little throw pillows, fucking candles, and a goddamn rose in a little vase.

So maybe Eddie had missed a few obvious signals that he and Steve were dating. But holy shit, even in his best dreams it was some guy in a dingy bar or an alley. He had never even allowed himself to imagine being dated.

It was a strange and new idea that Eddie found himself quickly falling in love with.

“Thought four months was long enough without an actual date.” Steve laughed self consciously, evidently nervous at his mistake.

“Nah, it’s no problem.” Eddie shrugs, unable to tear his eyes away from the FUCKING PICNIC BASKET.

Steve pulls Eddie up off the ground and guides him over to sit on a little strawberry printed throw pillow. It’s so goddamn sickly sweet that Eddie feels warmth pulse in his chest. His face was hot and red as he got a closer look at the setup.

There were little sandwiches, cut into precise triangles. They didn’t even look store bought!

He could see a little thermos and strawberries peeking out of the basket.

Instead of wine or any sort of booze, there was a large pitcher filled with apple juice.

Steve finally sat himself down too, right next to Eddie, letting their thighs press together.

Steve pulled the food from the basket. Unloaded carefully cut apple slices and grapes.

“Seedless.” Steve clarified. Eddie was suddenly struck with how closely Steve had been paying attention to him. His childish preference for seedless being carried with a sort of intimacy he wasn’t used to.

Eddie couldn’t help it. He kissed Steve, who was in the middle of still unloading the basket. The thermos he was holding clattered to the ground as Steve quickly hiked his leg over Eddie’s and pushed Eddie down onto the blanket.

A sudden snap interrupted the moment, making Eddie tense. But Steve just stroked his cheekbone gently.

“It’s okay!” Steve comforted, before kissing Eddie again.

Steve’s refusal to pull away struck Eddie like a knife. His chest felt so tender, like his heart was visible and the gravity of such a small gesture sunk into his bones.

Even when they stopped kissing, Eddie couldn’t bring himself to let go of Steve. He met Eddie’s inability to let go with a laugh and pulled him up with him, leaning back slightly to extract the small sandwiches.

Steve turned back and Eddie’s eyes were full of tears.

“What’s wrong?” Steve probed, but Eddie couldn’t speak. He choked, unable to talk as tears began to carve rivers down his cheeks.

Eddie was crying, and his chest was heaving without his consent as he buried his face in Steve’s shoulder.

Half formed words choked out from Eddie’s throat. Each emerging wet and unrecognizable from their original intent. In the absence of words, Eddie shook his head, hard, attempting to indicate that there was nothing wrong.

“Are you okay?” Steve questioned, his hands coming back to Eddie’s face and trying to wipe away his tears. His calloused hands rubbed over Eddie’s cheeks gently. It was an awkward angle as Eddie’s face was still half buried in the side of Steve’s neck.

Eddie couldn’t help, but cry harder. He had never dreamed of feeling so revered and cared for that all the warmth was bubbling up from his chest and spilling out of him.

Eddie is nodding through the tears, but Steve still doesn’t seem fully convinced. He just rubs Eddie’s back as his crying putters out.

“ ‘m sorry. It’s just really nice.” Eddie finally manages to choke out. “Never thought I’d get this.”

And Steve’s heart just breaks a little at his words. He was just dating Eddie how he’d date anyone else. Concocting intimate dates to really get to know someone. Stolen moments during the day when scheduling won’t allow contact.

Steve hadn’t known that just because Eddie was a man, it’d be different.

He’d tried to make this date a little extra special to make up for his inability to take Eddie to a diner or movie theater. But he didn’t expect this response.

When they trade kisses during the date, it still mildly tastes like salt. As they eat, it changes, the salt gives way to strawberry and chocolate.

.❤️❤️❤️.

I swear even completely out people still flinch away when someone comes in the room. Like holy shit, you are a lesbian and everyone knows, why tf do we have to jump away from each other when someone comes near.

[bbyseok]

at first sight? — GOJO SATORU [TEASER]

pairing: gojo satoru x gn!reader

word count: TBA (looking to be around 5k-ish??)

RELEASE DATE: NOW POSTED

content: soulmate au, gender neutral reader, minimal use of they/them pronouns for reader, but gender is not specified, sorcerer reader, fluff, angst with a happy ending, brief swearing/explicit language, implied satosugu as past soulmates: can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic, fic takes place after jjk 0 but before the show starts

analysis: this is a world filled not only with curses, but soulmates too—in which you know someone is your soulmate when you first make eye contact with them. but for your case, things can get a bit complicated when someone is wearing a blindfold.

here, in this universe, you can tell that someone is your soulmate by simply looking at them. so with that, the saying of “love at first sight” is actually pretty accurate here. you see them for the very first time and barely know the person and yet, somehow, they’re the one you’re destined to be with.

with that, you’d think it’d be pretty common for two random people to run into each other while crossing the street or something and bam! suddenly you’ve found the supposed love of your life!

and you? well, for you, that hasn’t happened yet.

to be fair, it’s not like you’re actively trying to look for your soulmate. handling curses as a jujutsu sorcerer is difficult enough. (maybe you’ll run into them one day after saving them from a curse or something. how romantic.)

it’s better to leave it up to fate. it’s fate who decided your pairing anyway, right?

your transfer to jujutsu tech had been fairly smooth. after being stationed in kyoto for a while, tokyo was a nice change of pace.

coincidentally, you had been out of the country during the incident known as the night parade of a thousand demons. a scary event that proved the threat of curse users to be formidable.

because of that, your decision to transfer to tokyo seemed like the right thing to do. and so far, it’s been decent.

it’s a nice change of scenery. the students are aspiring; while maki and megumi aren’t the friendliest, they’re warming up to you. toge and panda are gradually improving.

nanami’s pessimistic outlook on jujutsu society and shoko’s overall unenthusiastic demeanor are certainly interesting for the most part, but your coworkers are pleasant to be around.

well. except for one.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

gojo satoru knows that you are his soulmate. he has indeed known this fact right from the very start, ever since your first meeting.

even with his blindfold on, he could see your own eyes before him. his six eyes can see everything. the thing is.. he didn’t know he could have another soulmate.

his situation with geto suguru is something he doesn’t talk about with anyone. maybe shoko at times, but even then, it’s rare. it’s not that he doesn’t want to, but it’s pretty hard to talk about.

after suguru defected, gojo could still obviously feel their bond. even though they were no longer together as the strongest duo, did it really matter when their souls were still connected to one another? it was a factor that played in avoiding (and perhaps meeting up with) each other as the years went by.

satoru felt their bond die that day after the events with okkotsu and rika. and it had frightened him. that lingering presence of the bond was no longer there.

so imagine his surprise when he sees you.

a new sorcerer in kyoto, now transferred to tokyo. normally, gojo doesn’t seek out the new recruits, but yaga had dragged him over regardless. besides, he might as well get to know his possible assistant teacher that would be helping him out with the new first years.

“i guess i can check out some new faces,” he relented with a sigh, adjusting his blindfold and looking to the side as yaga’s steps slowed as they approached you.

gojo rolled his eyes–not that you’d see it anyway–as yaga introduced you with your name and your sorcerer grade. he stopped to stand next to the principal.

you extended your hand to offer a handshake, and gojo finally turned his head.

that feeling as his gaze fell upon yours beneath the blindfold was familiar—frighteningly so—and unfamiliar at the same time. as if he could breathe for the first time in ages. your eyes are unaware, but they’re so revealing to him.

satoru stuttered in his movements, reluctantly taking your hand. the skin that touched yours felt like it was on fire. he briefly held on to see if you felt it too.

but you simply smiled up at him.

“it’s nice to meet you, gojo,” you said, blissfully unaware of the revelation currently dawning on the man before you and the turmoil it brought as he abruptly retracted his arm back.

gojo stiffened. he merely offered a curt nod before turning on heel and walking away briskly. he could faintly hear yaga protest about his sudden departure before apologizing to you hastily. satoru shook his head.

how was this be possible? how could the universe give him two soulmates? he didn’t even know that was a thing that could happen. he wondered if there had been a similar occurrence before.

gojo couldn’t help but feel nauseous. was this the world playing some sort of sick, cruel joke on him? or was it perhaps giving him a second chance?

and truthfully, it wasn’t like gojo even wanted another soulmate. not after what he had been through with suguru. he hadn’t given it much thought.

was it really worth it?

what if he couldn’t protect you too?

so satoru had decided on one thing that day. the blindfold stays on. concealing his eyes from the world not only for him, but for your sake too. he was certain in his choice; he would never tell you the truth.

as far as you were concerned, you haven’t met your soulmate yet.

and never will.

[END OF TEASER]

a/n: hi ! thanks for reading the teaser !! this is my first jjk/gojo fic so im excited to post it soon. im thinking about adding a tag list since a few people were suggesting it, so feel free comment if you want to be included <33

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Smoke and Mirrors

Due to Ville’s fame, him and Y/N have kept their open relationship relatively private. That is, of course, until she lays eyes on Bam.

Ville Valo X Fem!Reader X Bam Margera

(Fluff)

1.6k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, open relationships, flirting, cheating mention, alcohol, smoking, voyurism, sex tapes, masturbation, fake dating, makeouts, manhandling

An: Thank you for sending in your requests! This fic is releasing really close to my birthday, so I guess it’s sorta a present for myself! XD I really liked the dynamic I created between the three of them in this one (think My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend ;) ), so if you’re interested in seeing more, drop me a request and lmk what you wanna see!

Intrigue flashed in your eyes as your gaze ran across the dense, lurid bar tucked away in the bowels of Helsinki. So near to you boyfriend on the stool next to you, you could feel the softness of his skin brush up against your cheek, you murmured softly in Ville’s ear, “Y’know, your friend’s kinda cute.” It’s a phrase about ninety nine percent of men would be a little peeved to hear from the mouth of their girlfriend.

Ville was not one of these men. Turning away from his cigarette so as to be nose to nose with you, he gave you that piercing, discerning gaze and raised an eyebrow, “So? We’re not married.” He gestured with a flick of a nimble, white finger. “Go talk to him.”

So you did, squeezing past leather-clad shoulders to where the recently released convict population was playing pool on a warped table in the rear. Bam was there too. Eyes down and mind hard at work on some galaxy brained strategy, he didn’t notice your presence until his elbow brushed by your side. Just drunk enough he wouldn’t be startled, he turned, “Oh, hey!”

Black fingernails running across the pink battle scars that streaked the skin of his forearm, you leaned in a breath too close to be friendly, “How’s the game?” The tip of Bam’s pool cue left a blue chalk streak on the felt.

Bam’s eyes had that mix of arousal and shame as his gaze slowly drifted over, looking at you as if you’d asked for a lock of his hair. “What’s goin’ on here? Aren't you…” Tuning out the live band and the staring fans, he paused, voice lowering with suspicion, “Aren't you, like- with Ville?” Well yeah, Bam knew that you were. But he needed some clarification as to why the hell you would be all cozy with him and not your boyfriend.

Sighing softly, you leaned back on the pool table as you explained, the overhead light casting shadows on your face, “Yeah, I mean- we go out, but nothing’s official. It’s…I guess you could say it’s open.”

When you first started dating, you made an agreement with Ville. Rockstar hyper fame, as we all know, is a key ingredient in the recipe for strict monogamy. Wanting to assuage your concerns, he suggested that you should be given the same liberties as he had. Ville was just that kind of reasonable guy- however, that didn't mean either of you got a free pass to sleep around. It had to be a person you knew and trusted.

Well that made it sound better. Even after that explanation, Bam was skeptical, convinced this was some sort of test. Dropping his pool cue, he went over to where your boyfriend was sitting alone at the bar, and from a distance you could make out bits and pieces of the conversation as he ran it by him. “Dude, your girlfriend’s hittin’ on me.” Ville blinked, murmured something witty and dry. Through the loud music and unruly crowds, you could distinctly make out that telling lilt in Bam’s voice, “Seriously? You wouldn’t, like- hate me forever…?”

See, he had the idea that this was some kinda sex thing, which wouldn’t be that rash of an assumption considering the last time Bam stepped foot in you and Ville’s bedroom. On his last trip to Finland, he got this great idea that could only stem from his particular flavor of directorial vision and flair for the dramatic. “So, fr’the video, what d’you think about this? The two’a you gonna be havin’ sex- like, on the bed an’ shit,” Bam explained, quickly adding to cover his ass, “but it’s not like a porno or anything! It’s, like- artistic.”

Yeah, and it was in the best interest of Mr. Director to be watching from that armchair at the foot of the bed. Watching Ville’s hand slither up your thigh, the cigarette clenched between his teeth twitched imperceptibly. In the silence between your soft noises like sin, Bam tossed out halfhearted, lazy directions to keep up the facade, one hand on the camera, the other…well, you get the idea.

And for a moment, between the gentle touches and slow, lingering kisses, you could’ve sworn you caught Ville making sidelong eye contact with Bam, for what certainly was longer and more meaningful than a glance. It was a challenge, it was an invitation- It was weird…and sexy.

But Bam wasn’t watching from the end of the bed anymore- not after that little incident at the bar. “Why don’t you room with us tonight?” Your boyfriend cooed, leaning on the doorframe of his adjoining hotel room. You got a front row seat to this: Ville, beckoning like bait calls an animal into a trap.

Bam spun from where he was stripping down to see him silhouetted, backlit by the light. If this scene were in a movie, the camera would slow pan up Ville’s pale, lithe frame with a slow, sexy brass sting. Rack focus to half dressed Bam, bewildered. If you craned your head only slightly from your spot on the bed, you could see the eager look that flashed across his face as he kicked off his jeans.

Sharing beds. He’d done that before. The difference was that this time, there was a chick involved. Still, Bam thought you were hot since Ville introduced you to him, but there was no way in hell he’d act on that…well, not until he got permission. Amused at how he clumsily nudged in, you snuggled in under Bam’s arm, laying your cheek against the spiraling filigree on his chest. He felt different than your dirging wisp of a boyfriend: wider framed, sturdy in the way that he could take a few good bites to those slumping shoulders of his.

Drifting in all cooly from out of nowhere and slipping quietly between the linens, Ville gave you a coy, almost proud glance. He let out a graceful hum as Bam’s hands slid down the bumps of his ribs, resting at the curve of his back. And it felt perfect- just perfect. There the three of you were, settling in for a heavy, vineous night, together like a litter of puppies.

Within the week, Bam warmed up to the arrangement. From your time on set while he worked out the video, watching him do his little director thing, you got a front row seat to his typical antics and often found yourself entangled in them. Take for example when Bam would impulsively park himself on your lap over a perfectly empty seat while he casually fiddled with his camera, or how midway through your between take conversations with Ville, you would feel his arms wrap around your waist from behind, nuzzling into your shirt.

If you weren't in front of a host of crew and talent, your boyfriend would have reached out and mussed up his hair- cooed something teasing and sweet, but he was smart, and he knew he had an image to uphold. You and Ville had kept your relationship private up until now, so the cover was that you were Bam’s girlfriend- which now wasn’t exactly a lie.

And that brought you to Bam’s last night in Helsinki. Behind the curtain of a V.I.P section in the back of some club, in one of those cozy, inviting little booths- so lovey that you’d curl up there and go to sleep if you didn’t have two very good reasons to stay awake seated on the pleather next to you.

Bam was in heaven, leaning his head on Ville’s shoulder in this puppyish, convivial way as you nestled up against him. Adrift in his sweet little fantasy, Bam’s eyes fell half lidded at the hand rubbing circles on the bruised skin of his hip like he was a car Ville was thinking of buying. All thin lips and tongue, Bam leaned in to kiss you languidly, playfully. Only a sliver of purple light remained between your face and his. Bodies sticking to each other the way spilled drinks feel on chipped, Formica tables, you briefly pulled away to take a draw off your cigarette.

Turning to relish in Ville’s attention while you were distracted, Bam got a few licks and coquettish nuzzles in, kissing him that same soft way he did with you. But that wasn’t fair, was it? Ville liked the power of taking turns with you, passing Bam back and forth the way you might share a bottle of wine- but it was your turn. Bam was greeted with a firm hand on his jaw, tilting him back to face you.

A coy smirk crossed your boyfriend’s face when you yanked him back, fingers tangling in the dark curls as smoky tendrils swam between your lips. Bam’s back arched into you that obscene way you only see in adult films, whining into your mouth. Yes, you were the woman Ville fell in love with, he decided, watching how you could break such a prideful man down with a little rough handling.

The memory has this dim, hazy cast over it, but after you pulled away from that rough, territory-claiming kiss, you remember the following: in loaded glances, the three of you swiftly and wordlessly agreed to take this back to the hotel room. Bam’s gotta go back to cold Pennsylvania in the morning- you just wanted to give him a little warmth to take home, that's it. Consider it a send off. Somewhere, in a hotel room, in the heart of Helsinki, three people are indulging deeply in these foreign, intoxicating pleasures.

[jazeswhbhaven]

Anyways, today is yap day for me, sorry y'all will go back to our regular scheduled WHB content soon:

This is mostly me yappin' about my own own OC's being shipped together btw.

SO as y'all know I created my fankids and you usually see them in adolescent mode. It's because I'm trying to learn that entire "draw your OC's at different age stages" so they don't look the same while they age and you can visibly see signs of aging.

But, two of my OC's Cain (Satan and Levi's hellbaby) and Damian (Gamigin's son btw that isn't with Astra 👀) is my official OC ship!

More about them is that as I weave together the haphazard timeline of WHB ->

Lucifer fell to Hell after Solomon was gone (iirc) After Solomon is gone that's the time period I had Cain being conceived because it made more sense that way. Now I'm not sure how many decades it's been from Solomon to Ra-On's time period...but I imagine it's been a couple bloodlines maybe a century before Satan found Ra-On.

When Astra met Cain officially in my AU, he wasn't an adult devil yet but he was very close to being one. Canon wise they consider devils adults at 109. I have it set to where Cain is about 13ish so around the later 90's in his age. Damian is an adult on Earth, in his early 20s human wise which would make him around 115ish that range?

Now if you're worried about their age, yes Cain and Damian do have an age gap but they don't officially meet each other until Cain is over that adult devil threshold.

To make it simple think of Cain being like 20 years old and Damian is nearly in his 30's. It's a age gap that most folks have irl. I don't mind age gaps like this in fiction if it's written correctly, and I have made damn sure I wrote my own correctly.

Cain is set to pretty much be the ruler of all Hell because of his birth lineage. There's never been a devil born from two devils before, he is the first one. All the Kings had a discussion about it and decided that it's natural that Cain should be the number one ruler, and this was decided way before Astra was found.

Damian is a love child between an OC I haven't really talked about and Gamigin. Damian is 75% dragon and only has a fourth of human in him. Technically he was born to continue the bloodline, but my OC, Domani is her name, the last fem dragon of Gamigin and Serenade's world (btw I can only assume that's his brother from what I read in that Arc Academy bios PB released like ages ago). Damian and his fraternal twin, Dagon was born shortly after Lucifer's falling. And yeah that means that Domani was impregnated by Gamigin AND Lucifer (I'll get more into that at a later date)

So bam, Damian is alive. However, his mother Domani had been captured by angels, because she wanted to protect him. He was sent to earth, and Dagon to the Middle Realm where Achazriel is located. (I like that I put this twin here because that would be another reason why Luci would visit up there frequently to not only give those angels supplies, but also see if Dagon is doing okay)

If you're wondering why Damian was sent to earth and not to the middle realm like his twin...it's very simple. Lucifer talked with Gamigin about it and it was agreed that Damian would be safer on earth because he mostly looks human and would come back once he's old enough. Gamigin though felt bad about separating them because it reminds him of being separated from his brother (poor bby ;w; i'm sorry for the angst) but it was for the best!

So Damian, under Lucifer's careful watch from time to time made it through Earth without being found out that he doesn't age the same way as humans, keeping his young adult appearance for 50+ years. Also, Damian's memories are suppressed every so many years while on Earth, and this also makes him impossible to be found by Lucifer's brother's who actively seek for Damian and Dagon.

So when Damian met Astra, he was drawn to her simply because of her being Solomon's descendant. The more he spent time around her his suppressed memories surfaced. When he decides to follow Ppyong through a portal back to Hell, all of his memories return, and he finally realizes that he isn't human at all, and he remembers the faces of Gamigin, Lucifer and his mother.

Back in Hell, he starts a new mission to find his birth parents, so he ends up Paradise Lost. Now that he's back, other abilities start to surface that Gamigin is happy to enlighten him on. So during Astra's time in Hell, he's also there. Cain's existence was not relayed to him though until his 109th birthday and coming of age ceremony in Hades. Still, Damian did not officially interact with Cain until he visited Paradise Lost to speak to Lucifer.

Their meeting is abrasive, since Damian doesn't know him that well. Cain is immediately offended by Damian's lack of reading the room and nonchalant behavior. Over time though, Damian does start running into Cain more since he has more freedom to visit all the countries of Hell while he further preps to becoming the ruler.

Damian is just a simple dragon, still "young" in terms of dragon age, and finally he doesn't have the contraints of Earth. He can be himself and explore things. Mostly studying what happened to his father's people, studying this long war between Heaven and Hell, and most importantly, teasing the future ruler...Cain.

He even goes to the Middle Realm with Lucifer's clearance to visit Dagon, who is doing just fine. He also goes to Hades often, since Cain still lives there majority of the time so he can look after his younger sister, Lumi who is bond to the palace.

Over time, he and Cain keep running into each other and Cain starts developing a crush on him. Cain has never had a crush before, as he's been focused on learning the things Leviathan has taught him, and it overshadowed the carefree nature of Satan's parenting. But you can't lock that away forever!

When Cain is around Damian more of that carefree personality does come out. You'll see him pulling out his phone to text Damian, or actively try to see what it is that he's up to. Damian finds it cute that he's so interested in him, but he doesn't take it seriously.

Their dynamic is that of "prince and pauper" style. Cain is technically of royalty, and Gamigin well he's just a simple dragon with a touch of human. He can't pretend to understand what Cain goes through, but arrogantly so Cain thinks he can understand Damian's lifestyle. It's a lot of push and pull for their relationship at first, until Cain learns to break down his own walls, and accept his feelings.

There's a lot I've got to build on their relationship, but mostly I've gotta get their origins built up solidly first.

I always wanted my own OC ship, and now I have it. Even when this game ends or whenever it does, I could still have them doing their own thing outside the WHB universe.

Thanks for listening to me yap about them btw. The inbox is open for questions if you have 'em. Happy to elaborate!

[bleach-boyz]

Chapter 5: Haggard

prev. // next

In late 2002, Jackass: The Movie was released to monumental success, and the whole cast became full-blown celebrities. Audiences loved it, and its popularity led to each cast and crew member getting lots of recognition and a huge check. This was the first time you felt not only creatively satisfied but financially satisfied by a project you worked on. The entire experience truly felt like a gift. 

As a member of the crew, you were able to go to all the promotional events and parties the cast were invited to, which meant you got to meet and party with countless famous people. 

The partying had definitely been taken to the next level in terms of how fucked up everyone would get. You’d occasionally take part in some pills or other drugs that were offered to you, but mainly you stuck to just drinking. You definitely couldn’t keep up with Steve-O or Pontius for very long at a Hollywood party, but you’d stay on pace with people like Ryan or Knoxville. 

Truly, your lives had never been more crazy, but with Bam, there was always another project to work on. Even while you were working on Jackass, he’d been insisting you still pump out new CKY films, the fourth of which was released only a month after the Jackass movie. He was an extremely ambitious force, which you admired, but it meant there was rarely a break from the chaotic lifestyle you’d all adopted. 

Earlier in 2002, while Jackass: The Movie and CKY 4 were in post-production, waiting to be released, Bam had come to you with his idea for the movie Haggard, which he’d started writing recently. He wanted you to work closely with Joe Frantz, basically just being another assistant director like you were for the Jackass movie. You agreed, but there was one aspect that made you hesitant to be involved. 

The film was about Ryan Dunn’s relationships. 

After your dramatic acceptance of your feelings towards Ryan that night in Tokyo, you had been avoiding spending too much alone time with him for your own sanity. Although his breakup had actually stuck this time, he definitely still needed space to figure himself out and move past it all. You hoped that’s what Haggard would do: let him release all his frustration and finally walk away. 

Still, you two continued to be around each other constantly with all these projects you were working on, and Ryan kept confiding in you with his feelings about the breakup when he could get you alone. He still looked to you as his friend and someone to lean on, and even though the platonic nature of your relationship pained you, you couldn’t deny him what he needed. 

You’d resolved for your feelings to remain unrequited, at least till the end of shooting for Haggard. It was borderline masochistic on your end, but you felt a responsibility to your friends and coworkers to make sure there was no interpersonal drama or complication. You’ll reassess whether or not it’s time to say something once the film is done. 

Filming in West Chester for Haggard was a bit complicated sometimes. The director and star of the film were now super famous and in high demand, and Bam, in particular, was always having to fly out at the last minute for random appearances and projects. The constant stopping and starting was annoying to you since you were the one having to make the shooting schedule. You had a late June release date in 2003, so you were working overtime to plan everything out. Really, all you could do was make sure you filmed as much as possible when everyone was in town. 

There were some particular scenes that you weren’t looking forward to filming—those being between Ryan and his new love interest, “Heather”. For obvious reasons, helping direct and film your crush being intimate with someone else would be difficult for you, and you were especially insecure about it because Jenn had asked a really attractive friend of hers to play the role. 

Jenn actually found out about your crush on Ryan during a drunken confession one night when you two were out alone. You’d sworn her to secrecy, and as far as you knew, she hadn’t told Bam. She would often encourage you to make a move or tell him your feelings, but you insisted that it wait. 

The only other person who knew about your feelings for Ryan besides Jenn was Dico. You hadn’t intended on telling him either, but after living with someone for so many years, you’re able to pick up on subtle changes to their usual behavior. He’d noticed the way you avoided taking smoke breaks with Ryan as often and how you’d make sure when you all went to bars or restaurants you weren’t ever sitting next to him. At first, Dico thought something had happened to make you dislike Ryan, but after an interrogation, you just decided to tell him. You also swore him to secrecy, and although it didn’t seem like it had gotten out yet, neither Jenn nor Dico were historically good at keeping anything quiet for too long. You were anxiously awaiting the day Bam or Raab would bring your crush up publicly to embarrass you. 

The first night you were scheduled to shoot with Ryan’s love interest “Heather”, you were shooting in a local bar that had agreed to let you film for an hour. All you really needed was some b-roll of the two being lovey-dovey to establish the budding romance. 

-

"Well, where the fuck is she?” Bam asks Jenn as she comes inside after calling her friend. We are all set up to film, but the girl who’s supposed to play Heather is nowhere to be seen. 

“She’s not coming.” Jenn says. 

“What do you mean she’s not coming? Why not?” Bam asks, annoyed. You can tell he’s starting to get a bit cranky, like he usually does at the end of a long day of shooting. Jenn rolls her eyes. 

“I don’t know what to tell you. She said her boyfriend got skeeved out at the last second about her making out with some random guy, and he won’t let her do it.” Jenn says, and you furrow your eyebrows. 

“Well, what are we gonna do? Frantz and I are getting on a plane tomorrow to shoot the HIM video, and we only have the bar today for like 45 more minutes.” Bam states. 

“We’ll just get someone else here to do it.” Jenn says and looks over at you suggestively. Bam notices this, and your eyes widen. No way did she mean you. This had to be a joke.

“You don’t have any other hot friends who could get here quick?” Bam asks Jenn.

“Not quick enough. Also, most of them already said no when I was asking around for someone to play the part in the first place.” Jenn responds, and Bam pouts and grabs the shooting schedule for the rest of the month from Joe. This is supposed to be the last month of filming, and every day Bam is going to be in town, we have something else lined up. 

“It would be best to find a way to do it now. It was already a bitch getting the owner to allow us this time today; we’d have to find another day he’s okay with, and I doubt he’d give us a time that would fit into our current schedule. We’d have to rearrange things, and we’re already running behind given our release date.” Joe explains. Bam sighs grumpily. 

“This is the best option; it’ll be great.” Jenn says, smiling at you. You suddenly remember what the conversation is about, and you start sweating and shaking your head. 

“Well, alright, fine.” Bam says as he scans you up and down. “You’ll need a different shirt, but I guess it’ll work. Jenn, you two switch shirts.” He says. You look down at your shirt, which is an oversized WaWa t-shirt. Bam would have to blur out a logo like that in post. 

“Wait! I don’t know if this is such a good idea." You finally get some words of objection out. You aren’t an actor! And there's no way you’ll be able to keep your cool playing Ryan’s love interest. 

“I don’t want you to do it either, but do you see any other chicks here?” Bam asks, and you look around. Nothing but dudes. Fuck. 

“Can I talk to you in the bathroom?” You ask Jenn and grab her arm before she can answer. You two walk through the bathroom door, and you cross your arms. 

“What the hell was that?” You ask, and Jenn throws her arms up in defense. 

“What?” 

“Your friend doesn’t even have a boyfriend.” You say, and Jenn smirks. 

“Yeah, but I thought I’d help you out with your little crush.” She says. 

“How is this gonna help me?” You ask, rubbing your face with your hands. 

“Well, you two can finally kiss and be intimate, which is what YOU want. And Ryan will totally be into it and realize how horny he is for you, and if he’s not lame, he’ll ask you out or whatever.” She explains. 

“That’s very optimistic... Also, we’re shooting a movie; none of it will be genuine.” You say. 

“Who cares?”

“I don’t know Jenn,” you start, and then hear a pounding at the door. 

"Cmon, we’re running out of time!” Bam yells from the other side. 

“Look, if you really don’t wanna do it, then you can go tell everyone out there I lied, but I think you should just get over it and see what happens.” Jenn says.  

You sigh. You know that, feelings for Ryan aside, you are the only option if you all want to keep this film on schedule. That commitment and responsibility would have been enough to make you agree without thinking, had your scene partner been anyone else. That fact that it’s Ryan, though, makes you incredibly nervous and hesitant. You are mainly afraid you’ll somehow, through acting, reveal your true feelings and embarrass yourself. However, you’d be lying if you said there wasn’t anything exciting about the situation. Jenn is right; you do desperately want to kiss and be intimate with him, and you are compelled to just take what you can get, regardless of how “real” it will be. 

Knowing you need to make a decision, you finally cave and take your top off. “Give me your shirt.” 

When you two walk out of the bathroom, you spot Ryan wearing an eyepatch and sitting on a bar stool at a small table in the back of the bar. You could only reserve the back section for shooting, so there are a few random customers milling about, mostly paying no mind to the camera.

You feel very self-conscious, as already a few men are eyeing you. Jenn is smaller than you, so her black top fits you very tightly. Additionally, it’s pretty low-cut, leaving you showing off more cleavage than you usually do in public. You haven’t been exceedingly insecure about your body since high school, but you still feel most comfortable in oversized t-shirts and sweaters. A lot of the time, you get jealous looking at women like Jenn, who wear a lot more feminine and fitted clothing, because you don’t think you have the confidence and body to pull off wearing anything similar. Right now, this self-consciousness is only exacerbating your feelings of anxiety over the entire situation. You cross your arms in front of your chest and nervously walk over to where Ryan is sitting. When you arrive, he looks up at you and smiles. 

“Are you okay with me filling in?” You ask, making sure he isn’t uncomfortable with the idea. 

“Oh yeah, it’s chill; I don’t mind.” He says. 

You sigh, relieved, and drop your arms as Bam heads over to you.  

“I should make you two switch shirts more often.” He says, and you roll your eyes and maybe catch Ryan checking you out in the process. That gives you the tiniest boost of confidence, and you sit down on the stool across from Ryan. You take a sip of the beer that has been sitting on the table. 

“Just tell me what I have to do again.” You say, feigning annoyance when really all you can feel is unease. 

“All I need is like a few minutes of footage of you two being flirty and talking and kissing or whatever. I’ll speed it up in post and throw a song over it, so it doesn’t really matter what you say. You just need to seem into each other. Try not to look awkward.” He says and directs that last part to you. 

“I’ll do my best.” You say sarcastically and look over at Ryan. His face is unreadable. 

Bam walks back behind the camera, and the two of you are left staring at each other. You want to say something—maybe crack a joke to diffuse the tension—but you can’t. 

“I hope this isn’t too weird for you.” He finally says, and you take a deep breath. 

"Well, is it weird for you?” 

Before he can answer you, Bam calls action. 

It’s not quiet, due to the commotion happening in the other parts of the bar, but all of that feels incredibly distant. You somehow manage to keep your eyes on Ryan, lean in, and put your elbows down on the table to prop your head up with your hands. 

Ryan takes this as his sign to move closer, and you feel his legs intertwine with yours under the table. He lights a cigarette. 

“I don’t know what to say," Ryan says as he takes a puff. 

“Me neither.” You say and observe Ryan’s body language. He is leaning in, but his speech and his face make him seem a bit timid now. He’s nervous, maybe. He is playing with his cigarette in his hand, and you can feel his leg shaking under the table. He doesn’t look uncomfortable necessarily; he's just a little lost on what to do and antsy. This display diminishes a lot of the intimidation you were feeling, and you realize that you need to take the lead. 

You lean forward even more and grab Ryan’s free hand with yours. He looks down at this and then back up at you. 

“Just be normal. Act like I’m a girl you really like.” You say, trying to focus him in for the sake of footage but also pining for his attention. You two had never really been in a position like this, and you’d spent the last few months so needy for his touch that you don’t care if your friends are watching and filming you now. You want him badly. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Joe bring another camera over to film from a different angle. You look at him for a second before Ryan lets go of your hand and grabs your chin to focus your eyes back towards him. You feel your face burning up; you’re wearing makeup today, though, so hopefully the redness doesn’t show. 

Ryan tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear and offers you the cigarette he’s smoking. You try to keep your hand steady as you grab it and take a puff, never letting your eyes leave Ryan. You hand it back to him, and his other hand goes back to holding yours. You look down and think about how big his hands are compared to yours. 

“What are you thinking about?” Ryan asks, and you look back up at him. His energy shifted entirely after what you said, and now everything about him is dripping with confidence and flirtation. You don’t know if he’s just a good actor or if there may be something real to it, but you are absolutely not in a position to complain. You decide if he’s going to turn it up, you might as well go for it too. The fact that you can hide your real feelings behind the pretense of acting drives you to take your chance and be as forward as you like. 

“Your hands are big.” You say, playing with his hand. 

“Yeah?” He says and watches you, amused. 

“Also,” you begin, eyeing him coyly, “it’s probably time for you to kiss me.” He raises his eyebrows. You have a tiny moment of regret, afraid you might have made Ryan uncomfortable, but soon after, he’s smirking and leaning in. You hold your breath and lean in too. 

It’s just a peck, but as he pulls away from you, you can’t help smiling. It was innocent and only lasted a second, but you can’t help feeling so happy. You know you may be giving yourself away, but Ryan’s face surprisingly reads just as content as yours. Before you can say anything, he’s leaning in again to give you another quick peck. When your lips touch, your heart skips a beat, and when he pulls back, you feel all giddy. 

You think you hear Ryan say “cute” under his breath before he takes another drag of his cigarette. Soon after, Bam calls cut, and you’re brought back to reality. 

“Good, now I wanna get some more footage of you guys standing up over here.” Bam points next to the pool table. 

You wait for Ryan to get up before moving yourself. You follow behind him to where Bam had pointed. You try to regain composure and not think too much about the fact that you just kissed your crush for the first time. Well, the first two times in fact. 

You and Ryan stand opposite of each other as Joe sets up the cameras. 

“Having fun?” Ryan asks you, and you let out a pained laugh. You resent the fact that he can stay so calm during this. 

“It’s alright.” You say and he grins. He’s being so cheeky, and it’s impossible to tell if he’s enjoying being intimate with you or if he’s just entertained by the whole situation. 

“Alright, ready to go.” Joe says, and soon after, Bam is calling action again. 

Ryan immediately grabs your waist and pulls your body closer to his. You feel weak over how close your bodies are and grab Ryan’s hand to steady yourself. 

Being affectionate with Ryan makes you painfully aware of how much you miss being this close to someone. All this time, you’ve been yearning for Ryan, but above that, you yearn for someone to hold you, a companion, someone who desires you as much as you desire them. Behaving like this warms you up inside. Ryan kisses you on the forehead, and you swear you’re about to melt. 

You stay close like this for only about a minute before Bam yells cut again. It takes you a little longer than last time to snap out of it and let go of Ryan. When you finally do and take a step back, you feel cold. 

"Alright, we just need to get some more interior and exterior b-roll of the bar, but you guys don’t have to be in that. We’ll meet you back over at Ryan’s for the sex scene.” Joe says, and you freeze. 

“Sex scene?!” You ask frantically. You don’t remember ever talking about that. 

“It’s not really a sex scene; we just need some footage of you guys making out for the end when we show all the couples getting together.” Joe explains, and now you remember. 

It’s one thing to do cutesy flirting and tiny kisses with Ryan; it’s another to put yourself in a compromising position and fully make out with him. When you agreed to step in and play the part earlier, it totally slipped your mind that you would not only have to film the bar scenes, you’d have to film all of them. 

“Do we really have to?” You ask for your own sake and catch Ryan raising a quizzical eyebrow at you. You realize that he’d known this whole time that he’d have to make out with you, yet hadn’t shown any concern about it.

Of course, you’ve imagined making out and even having sex with Ryan. Late at night, you’d often fantasize about different scenarios that would lead to the two of you being physically intimate. Needless to say, the situation unfolding right now is not at all similar to any of your past fantasies, and you really have no idea what to expect from Ryan. All you know is that the chances of you keeping your composure are slim to none. 

“Every romance movie needs an obligatory sex montage. Keeps the dudes interested.” Bam states. 

“This is a romance movie?” You ask. 

“Look, just drive over there; we’ll meet you.” He says, and you make eye contact with Jenn across the room. You signal for her to come with you and you make her get in your car with you.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do here, Jenn. You gotta help me.” You say as you two sit inside your car, still parked outside the bar. 

“You’re doing great; you two looked so cute.” She says as she adjusts the rear view mirror to look at herself. 

“This whole thing is so weird. It’s gonna freak him out if he finds out I actually like him.” You groan. 

"No, it won’t. I swear he looked really into you in there. And Ryan is definitely not a good enough actor to fake something like that. If anything, he’s probably gonna pop a boner when you make out later.” She jokes, and you throw your head back against the seat. 

“Jenn,” you start, and then hear someone knock on your window. The sound surprises you, and you jolt forward, only to see it was Ryan. You roll your window down. 

"Sorry, you know how to get to my apartment, right?” He asks. 

“We’ll just follow you.” Jenn responds, and Ryan nods and leaves. You roll your window back up and start your car. 

“I’m gonna be sick.” You say as your nerves travel from your chest to your stomach. 

“It’ll be hot.” Jenn says and smiles mischievously at you. 

You get back to Ryan's, and it’s just you, him, Jenn, and Ryan’s roommate Justin for a little while. 

While you wait for the others to show up, you all have a couple beers and a casual conversation. You feel awkward because all you can think about is what comes next, so you hardly say anything, just listen. Jenn tries to get up at one point, but you grab her leg and make her stay by your side. You catch Ryan eyeing you periodically, but do your best to ignore it. You have to focus all your energy on attempting to appear normal. 

When Bam and Joe finally arrive, you’re a few beers deep and feeling slightly more relaxed. As they set up the camera, Jenn comes up beside you and offers a mint. 

“Funny.” You say sarcastically but still grab one. 

“Don’t worry, I gave Ryan one too.” She laughs. 

They set up the camera in Justin’s room because Ryan sleeps on a mattress on the floor in the basement. You feel a little weird about making out on a random dude's bed while he’s in the building, but he assures you it’s fine. 

You and Ryan enter the bedroom, and it’s about as quiet and weird as you expected it to be. 

"Okay, so I guess just lay down and both of you take your shirt off." Bam starts, and your heart thumps louder than you’ve ever heard it thump before. You look over at Ryan, who is already taking his shirt off, and you slowly start to do the same. You try to tell yourself that it’s no different than going to the pool, as you are left in just a bra on your top half. You then go to lay down on the bed and watch as Ryan comes up beside you and stares down at you. You shiver and avert your eyes. 

"Alright, now I know this is kinda weird or whatever, but I just need you guys to make out for about a minute. The camera is gonna be really close to your faces, but try to ignore it; definitely don’t look at it. I’m gonna start rolling now, so just go whenever.” Bam instructs. 

You look out at Bam and Joe right up on you, and Jenn is watching from the doorway. Your breathing increases, and you feel your face warm up at how tense and uncomfortable the atmosphere is. You then feel the pressure of the bed shift as Ryan starts climbing on top of you, caging you in. 

“Are you okay?” He asks as he holds himself over top of you. 

Are you okay? Well, no, you’re not. At no point throughout this whole process have you been okay. You’ve only been able to get through so far by focusing on your feelings of responsibility and desire. You felt responsible to keep the film schedule on track, to help your friends when a problem arose, and to fix it. And you felt desire—the desire to touch Ryan, to be with him no matter the circumstance. It’s clear now, as you look at him over top of you, which of these two feelings is starting to take over again. 

Ryan’s face reads as protective and eager while he waits for your answer. You can tell he’s concerned about your comfortability in this moment, but you see an unbridled hunger in his eyes, like he could pounce any second. This look sends a surge of lust through you, and suddenly everyone else in the room falls away in your mind. 

You reach out and grab Ryan’s face, pulling him down and connecting your lips into a kiss. There’s a half-second of surprise from his end before he’s kissing back with fervor, supporting his weight with one hand, and holding your face with the other. 

You try to keep up as he takes control over the situation, forcefully slipping his tongue into your mouth. He kisses you like he needs it to live, and his passion and dominance does nothing but turn you on. 

You tangle your fingers in his hair and let one of your hands travel down his back. Ryan’s body rocks back and forth, causing your crotches to graze over each other ever so slightly. You almost whine, wanting more friction, but suppress it and kiss him back with even more neediness. 

At some point, he starts kissing your neck, and your head starts spinning. He sucks on your skin ever so slightly, and you can’t help this time from letting out a small moan. He stops what he’s doing and looks at you ardently, clearly excited by the noise you just made. You blush and just pull his head back up to keep kissing you. 

After a few more moments, you hear Bam yell cut, but it feels far away. You somehow manage to snap out of your daze and pull your lips away from Ryan, opening your eyes and seeing all the others in the room staring at you two. 

You, feeling suddenly embarrassed by how taken away you got, push Ryan off of you. He looks just as out of it and goes to sit on the end of the bed. 

“Jesus Christ you guys.” Bam says teasingly. 

“Are we good?” You ask bashfully as you sit up. 

“Yeah, good work.” He says, still poking fun at you, and you get up, put on your shirt, and leave the room. Jenn follows you out to the kitchen, and you let out a huge breath you didn’t know you were holding in. 

“That was crazy.” She says, and you shush her, afraid the others might hear. 

"Sorry, it’s just that he’s definitely into you.” Jenn whispers. 

Up until now, you wouldn’t have believed that, but what just happened in that room had you rethinking a lot of things. Ryan had come at you with such force and need that you didn’t see how it could be fake. All this time, you’ve thought your crush was hopeless and that Ryan would only ever be able to see you as his friend. Now, you weren’t sure what to think. You know that your behavior exposed your own feelings, though, and you definitely don't want to know anyone's opinion on it right now.

Ryan, Bam, and Joe walk out of the bedroom, and Ryan looks distracted. Bam and Joe seem to be laughing to each other about something, likely what just occurred. 

Part of you wants to talk to Ryan about what happened, and part of you wants to take him back into the bedroom and continue it. Your thoughts feel too scattered to be able to speak coherently, though, and you can’t shed how flustered you feel having been filmed getting so carried away in front of your friends.

“I have to go cause, uh… well, Dico and I were gonna watch a movie, and uh… yeah.” You say, quickly wave, leave the room, and head out the front door before anyone can respond. 

You silently drive yourself back to your apartment, ignoring Dico once you get there and throwing yourself down on your bed. 

You check your cell phone and see a missed call from Jenn. You grunt and toss your phone on the floor. 

What did this all mean? That’s all you could ask yourself as you lay down in the dark. 

Ryan had clearly kissed you the way you’d kiss someone you liked. You couldn’t deny that. If he did like you, though, how long had he liked you? It can’t have been too long, seeing as he’s been so hung up on his ex. Had he just realized it today, as Jenn said he would? What does he want? To fuck? To date? Nothing? There are too many questions. 

You are adult enough to know there’s no way to get an answers without talking to Ryan directly, but god, that’s so scary. There’s always the chance that his behavior was just a momentary lapse of control. That he, having not been intimate with someone in a while, got carried away, and it had nothing to do with you being you. If that were the case, bringing it up might only make things awkward. 

Regardless of what his deal is, you’re now stuck playing his love interest in the movie. Luckily, there aren’t many other scenes you have to be in, and none of them are like the ones you did today. Nevertheless, you're dreading having to meet for those scenes now that you've made yourself so transparent, and you know you'll be unable to avoid any teasing from Bam and Joe.

You roll over on your back and stare at the ceiling. Even through all this worrying, you can’t help but crack a hopeful smile. 

Because maybe this is the start of something.

---------------

Heyyyyy. It's been a second since my last chapter, so sorry about that. Things are moving hehe. Again I appreciate everyone reading, hopefully you like the way things are going. Finally gonna move into Viva La Bam era next chapter and we're gonna stay there for the rest of the story. Lmk if you wanna get tagged.

@arsonistsloth

[faemytho]

man ykwhat, i didn't wanna say it but i was thinking about it earlier and swan being released so soon after abyss monarch, after something like three years of no new legendaries (not counting the dragons here), it feels like devsis was riding the high of releasing a good legendary with an interesting story and worldbuilding. feels like they were trying to cash grab what they got from the success of abyss monarch by quickly releasing swan so soon after. like, come on, i dont even think there were two events between abyss monarch and the sugar swan's releases, and those are two LEGENDARIES. bam bam. we had like zero room to breathe between them

also like, come on. they released swan from NPC hell after SEVEN YEARS and her whole event is unsatisfying because she wasn't even in the event for like 90% of it. i like the worldbuilding they did for the dessert paradise and i love blue slushy, but it really didn't feel like a new legendary release event.

if you ask me, sugar swan shouldnt have released at all during that event, ESPECIALLY because of that teaser cliffhanger at the end of the story! if they had used the dessert guardian test event to build up to the sugar swan's legendary release at a later date, that ending cliffhander would've given devsis room to make a future event to release her! they could've given swan the same proper build-up they gave abyss monarch. did you guys SEE how in-depth the designers went with "The Making of Wandercrab"??? why did swan get SHAFTED so hard

swan is an extremely indifferent character and i like the angle they're going for with her but. their execution of her story and the timing of her release and everything...??? it just felt SUPER flat. like they went all in building wandercrab for abyss monarch and shafted swan SO bad bc they wanted money. swan doesnt get an intricately built story and setting the way abyss monarch does with the tower of frozen waves leading into sugarteara leading into wandercrab, and it KILLS me bc swan's release could have actually been REALLY cool if they'd just teased her in the dessert guardian test event and then waited to release her in a future event.

like, hear me out. what if it had gone like, blue slushy, epic cookie, first release, they introduce the spring and summer sections of the dessert paradise. red panna cotta cookie, epic cookie, second release, they introduce fall and winter sections of the dessert paradise. everything goes as is, but the swan isnt released, she's just touched on in the story and is a little cameo at the end! like wow, she CAN turn into a cookie that's pretty cool. and its this big payoff for blue slushy's character arc and it gives some closure to red panna cotta's conflict with blue slushy too, all without dropping the sugar swan too much in there because the story wasn't really ABOUT her as a character, just her as an IDEAL.

and then, there's the ending cliffhanger with the black sugar duck, which gives them a perfect opportunity to springboard from that into a future event where swan is released!

and remember how in the event they said if the swan doesn't return, winter will come? well, what if in this hypothetical future event, something does happen to the swan, and it's the black sugar duck's fault, and winter DOES come.

i think it'd be an interesting spin to add elements of the demeter persephone hades story too, where persephone spends three months in the underworld with her husband and demeter is so upset at being away from her daughter that persephone's absence causes winter

black sugar duck does something to the swan, winter comes. the dessert paradise guardian birds have to go find and free/save the swan to stop winter! MAN THIS COULD'VE BEEN THEIR WINTER TO SPRING EVENT NEXT YEAR TOO

idk. maybe also the black sugar duck becomes a cookie because of whatever they did to the swan and is the first release cookie, but we don't KNOW it's them. we can only guess until halfway through the event where we find out they're purposefully leading the dessert guardians astray from finding the sugar swan because they want to continue being beautiful and its a huge conflict! and then swan releases as the second cookie in the event, and we get some characterization for her that's beyond just "she's an indifferent goddess, neither malevolent or benevolent". maybe she willingly GAVE some of her power to the black sugar duck. maybe she's the persephone to the black sugar duck's hades. maybe she's the indifference to the black sugar duck's extreme passion and they balance each other out.

meh idk. i just feel like the sugar swan's release event could have been better thought out instead of being a transparent cash grab. also red panna cotta SHOULD have been playable.

[starsreminisce]

What did you think about the cc and acotar crossover? i didn't like that much cause introduced things that to be honest doesn't thrill me. I want the korshei resolution goddammit

Personally, I would pay to see what the original draft looks like. I honestly had a great time with it because my expectations were so low. SJM said she got annoyed with the direction and rewrote the whole book from scratch in six weeks. I had that knowledge going in after reading A Curse For True Love where Stephanie Garber said she had to rewrite a huge chunk of the book because it was "too dark," which explained why the release date was pushed back a month. Similarly, with Iron Flame, it was announced in June to be released in November.

If a book is rushed and authors are working against a deadline, the likelihood that it's not going to be good is high. KOA's first draft was written in six weeks, but that wasn’t the final draft.

CC1 is easily top three for me, then I was let down by CC2. When SJM said she had to rewrite CC3, I had to rein in my expectations about how much ACOTAR would actually be in CC. I know I fell victim to the hype about how immersed we’d be in ACOTAR because of how CC2 ended, and I wondered if that was the original plan until she was told to change it. It made no sense to me to bring Bryce to the townhouse and then detain her at the Court of Nightmares. The BAM bonus chapter definitely made me wonder if we were supposed to get more from there.

With that, I agree. We're still missing the link between the Asteri, Daglan, and the Valg. I am not convinced that they are all the same group but could be offshoots of each other. I didn't like how I felt compelled to read CC because I saw Nesta and Azriel being in a bonus chapter without any context, and then read ToG because the algorithm picked up that I read both series, so it started spamming me with Maasverse theories about how they are connected. Summaries and quotes had nothing to compare to reading the book.

As for Koschei, that's one piece of the puzzle I am trying to figure out as well. I go back and forth about whether he'll end up being the big bad or just a red herring for the Ancient Queen.

I still think ACOTAR and CC's crossovers are just there to provide context and history for items. Based on how HOFAS was, I don’t really see a reason for Bryce to return to Prythian, and the Harp seems to serve the same purpose.

Thank you for asking!

[fairybenz]

i saw the tv glow - my thoughts!

*warning* there are spoilers in this review

oh. my. god. i've actually been so obsessed with this film ever since i saw it! i saw it i believe may 5th? not too sure on that date, haha! either way, i've been obsessed.

so, basic summary: "A classmate introduces teenage Owen to a mysterious late-night TV show -- a vision of a supernatural world beneath their own. In the pale glow of the television, Owen's view of reality begins to crack." (pulled from google)

so, oh man. where to begin?! i'll start with the reason i wanted to watch this film, the soundtrack! i originally saw alex g was going to be on the soundtrack, so i was interested in watching. oh boy, the soundtrack definitely lived up to expectations! so many wonderful tunes, some recognizable and some new! i think my favorite track from the song was the one titled "Sunburned and Unkissed" by Caroline Polachek. Such a lovely song, i've been listening to it on repeat! literally as soon as my friend and i exited the theater, i searched for the soundtrack. every song was so fitting to the scenes they were part of. truly, i'm obsessed.

okay, besides the soundtrack, let's talk acting! the main characters in this film were Justice Smith and Brigette Lundy-Paine. both of them, in my opinion, did so well! i'm not going to lie, every time i see Justice Smith i end up thinking of detective pikachu, but that was so quickly forgotten as i got into the film itself. Brigette Lundy-Paine was also such an amazing actress, she played the role well, encompassing the awkward teenager while also playing into this darker role that we see later in the film.

according to the director, Jane Schoenbrun, the film is supposed to be a sort of look into the transgender experience, using the TV and other metaphors to help showcase it. as a queer person who falls under the trans umbrella, i thought the film did a beautiful job of doing this. it felt real, and raw. The director says themselves, "I was trying to make a work that could really feel authentic to how that really feels, rather than the kind of Hallmark card, Disney versions of transition that we see in Hollywood films written by cis people who are trying to capture something authentic but are trying to create a shallow version of representation on screen." I thought that was super important, as it's hard to find a real representation that feels real and is conveyed so beautifully. throughout, there were all these little moments that help you realize the meaning of the film, and it's almost like you're going through Owen's journey of self discovery with him. it's beautiful.

speaking of beautiful, the cinematography! oh my god! so so many beautiful scenes. the color schemes throughout were also so beautiful. seriously, the entire film i was so so intrigued. i honestly wish i knew more about cinematography so i could give a better review, but all i can say is that it was truly stunning, and a wonderful experience to watch throughout. a24 films are always so interesting in terms of cinematography, which i think they're pretty well known for. overall, was super pleased.

i think most a24 horror-themed films (from what i've seen), start off sort of slow and then bam! everything just blooms and it's so wonderfully executed.

okay, so i think i've rambled enough... overall i genuinely enjoyed this film so much and i'd love to watch it again whenever it's released on streaming sites. truly an experience, honestly a 10/10 film in my book! okay ramble over! tysm if you stuck around to this point <3

btw, my letterboxd is fairybenz if you'd like to add me there, i'm trying to be more active!!

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Hey... Do you know the song sung by the voice actor from the pilot Hazbin Hotel? Called Thank you and goodnight. Weirdly this song reminds me of Mystic Messenger, despite being a new fan and having been into this game until this year 2024 I already felt a connection, seeing old posts about this game from an old fan somehow makes me tear up. Despite I'm a fan of 2024, I somehow feel nostalgic about this game despite never actually experience it before

Yes!!!! I remember I teared up so much from that song.

Honestly mystic messenger is such a beautiful game! It helped me (ironically???) when I was struggling so much. I remember when I wrote my first HC in here, honestly I’d never thought I’d end up meeting so many amazing people! It’s truly beautiful how a piece of media can unite everyone and have people create amazing works of art and writing and music and everything!

I’m so glad you found the game, even if it’s late! It’s a great story, with lovable characters that even though it’s been like…omg 8?! EIGHT YEARS?!?!? (Hold on time related crisis happening rn)

Since it’s release, people still have a spot for them in their hearts!

Mystic messenger and this blog, really helped me start writing! And while I got a huge writers block and am now on different fandoms, it’s still a wonderful game that I’m glad people are still enjoying and playing! I feel so lucky for those who get to experience that wild rollercoaster for the first time!

I remember the alarms, the laughter from Seven or Jumin’s messages, the tears from the heart wrenching parts of the story, the confusion as to why the MC didn’t have eyes and why they didn’t leave WHEN THERE WAS A BOMB IN THE APARTMENT!

The gasps at the reveals, the plot twists! The way you would hear the music and immediately be teleported to that game, how the strings and piano would make you feel so much happiness and as if you were flying, only to then have the super dramatic music come and and BAM you feel your heart race and you keep worrying if your favorite character is going to be ok, and WHAT IS HAPPENING I THOUGHT THIS WAS A DATING GAME?!?

Getting to feel what the characters feel, feeling part of the story. Ironically though the game already has pre made choices you do feel as if it’s you or your character talking to them.

It’s been a few years since I’ve actually had MM in my phone. I actually remember the first time I downloaded it- it had just come out, and my dumbass thought you could actually SPEAK to them?!? So I remember Zen calling and me going “hello..?” In a whisper since it was night and everyone else was sleeping lmao.

I remember how I’d take full advantage of spring break and all those vacations from school to just grind the fuck out of those hourglasses to get to that Saeran route because by god I was dating that man.

I was pretty lucky bc I remember I did the Zen route first, didn’t even finish it 💀 uninstalled the game, and like a year later got in when they were celebrating a TON of stuff, I don’t remember exactly what it was but I got a lot of hourglasses and immediately went to date Seven lol.

Doing his as your official first route is….💀💀💀💀

I was FLABBERGASTED.

And it’s funny to see how over the years my faves have changed. (I used to have Seven as my #1 until I went the Julian route and OMG THAT MAN I’m sorry Seven I love you so much but…JUMIN HAN)

Anyway sorry for the long ass rant. Mystic messenger has such a special place in my heart, truly. It makes me remember how I got started writing- how through it i met so many lovely people- and while later due to personal reasons I wasn’t able to continue on the scene- I’m glad I got to experience some of it.

And there’s still people that make beautiful content of it! So don’t worry about joining now, feel free to read and see as many things of the fake as you want. Cry and laugh and enjoy everything about this wonderful and silly chat game and the incredible beautiful community it left behind!

Sorry for getting emotional haha, mystic messenger sure is something huh?

I’m a bit busy nowadays but every once in a while I get the urge to play it again haha. I have the ost saved in my study playlist and was in the middle of studying for a test when I hears Jumin’s night theme and the way I TEARED UP? Like I had to low key take a breather because omg I was transported back to those sleepless nights of giggling in my bed while flirting with a 2d man obsessed with his cat pfttt.

What’s funny is that every once in a while I want to install the game again and play it. Sadly I don’t have any time right now, but, I eventually want to have two weeks where I get to see my beautiful and wonderful husbands and wives again 🫶

Keep enjoying the content! I’m so happy you were able to find this precious gem, even in 2024! Play the heck out of it (tho please take a break after each route and keep hydrated or you’ll end up like Saeran 💀😭) !

PS:

You talking about thank you and goodnight reminded me of a series RosMo made about MM.

It’s interactive, after each video I believe you get a google doc and you have to figure some the YouTube links and get a goodbye message from the characters. If you want to cry and have a crack at it (if it’s too hard the comments help a lot I believe) you can see it here! Just be careful of spoilers for all the routes mkay!

Have fun on your Mysme journey! ❤️💜🩷🩵🧡🤍💚💛🤎🚀✨🐱☕️👾🎭📷🍵🧹

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

With the three dcla shows I've seen, S2 has been my favorite for every show but due to different reasons.

Season 2 of Violetta is due to me associating it with so much positive memories. I remember being 11 and be SO EXCITED for the new season. Because it came out a year later where I live, so I felt so happy to finally be up to date with the rest of the world. And there is just this HAPPY vibe to it all around, especially in the first 10 episodes. The sun is CONSTANTLY shining, the colors are so BRIGHT, I feel so... euphoric. Nothing is like season 2. The drama, the writing, the SONGS... aaa!

Season 2 of Soy Luna is due to it being so UNHINGED. Season 1 was like a. pretty normal show still. Some drama, some mysteries, some of this and that, it was fun. Then comes season 2 and BAM Sharon finds out Luna is Sol Benson BAM there's a masquerade BAM Ámbar burns down Jam and Roller BAM Ámbar gets gaslighted into thinking she's Sol Benson by Sharon while Luna is starting to investigate her own past BAM they are about to lose Jam and Roller and Luna also tries to be a leader for the team because she as a FUCKING 16 YEAR OLD got this responsibility and everyone is bailing and she just tries to keep it together but she's also so YOUNG and it's overwhelming... And then you realize you have only watched roughly 20 episodes and there is 60 EPISODES LEFT OF THE SEASON.

Season 2 of Bia because, honestly, for me season 1 was a chore to get through. I know many people say this about Violetta and I get that, but since I was so young when I saw Violetta for the first time I've seen S1 so many times it's not something I think of. But with Bia... I just struggled so hard with S1, and if I ever rewatch it then maybe it'll be easier (I will once they release it here, cause I don't have a vpn rn and they HAVE subtitles in my language so wtf are they waiting for), but I remember feeling like season 2 had so much more... action in it. I got into the show much more in season 2.

[project1939]

200 Films of 1952

Film number 153: Loan Shark

Release date: May 23rd, 1952 

Studio: Lippert Pictures 

Genre: noir 

Director: Seymour Friedman 

Producer: Bernard Luber 

Actors: George Raft, Dorothy Hart, Paul Stewart  

Plot summary: An ex-con agrees to go undercover to stop a group of loan sharks from destroying a tire manufacturer’s workforce.  

My rating (out of 5 stars): **½  

Here’s a perfect example of a cheap noir with lots of good elements that somehow manages to feel like a parody. One moment it was doing something pretty cool, and the next I felt like I was watching a Leslie Nielson comedy. Much of the blame for it, I’m sorry to say, lies with George Raft. When I did Project 1939 I thought he was dreamy in those Warner Brothers gangster flicks, but here? To say he was wooden would be an understatement! (Spoilers) 

The Good: 

The style of the film was its greatest asset- it was classic noir up and down. The grit, the darkness, the contrasts, the use of sound... I loved it all. 

The opening scene was A+ noir- a terrorized man is chased through dark empty city streets in the middle of the night. All we hear is the clicking of his shoes as he tries to run away, followed by the clicking of the shoes of the thugs following him. They finally corner him in an alley, and an almost cartoonish fight scene follows. 

Paul Stewart as Lou, one of the bad guys. He’s so good at being creepy! His eyes give some truly scary foreboding looks, and his suavely snakish demeanor only increases the unease when he’s in the room. 

There was some entertaining cheesy dialogue. “Turn off the chill, baby!” “You’re quick tempered and I’m not a bit scared.” “Just the top burner is on, but the oven’s still warm.”  

I liked Dorothy Hart as the female lead. She was sexy with a hint of strength about her. She wasn’t an outstanding actress, but she was more than passable. She looked like Ethel Barrymore next to Raft! 

Hey, it’s the Professor from Gilligan’s Island! He played one of the factory workers under suspicion. 

The Bad: 

The romance part of the story! It was so awkward and unbelievable, I kept writing “ew!” in my notes. So a drop-dead gorgeous woman in her twenties sees a pudgy 59-year-old, finds out he just got out of prison for a violent crime, and her instant response is “Yum! I gotta get me some of that!” Then he nearly sexually assaults her, and she’s like, “No biggie, baby, come back!” Raft and Hart had little chemistry, which just made everything worse. The whole thing made no sense. 

George Raft. I like the guy; he was the main reason I decided to watch this movie, but he was comically bad as a tough talkin’ hardboiled hero. Gangster movies were his bread and butter in the 1930s, so I don’t know why it didn't work here. 

Raft's sexual aggressivity. Sometimes it was funny and oh so noir, but mostly it was just gross and off-putting. 

Most of it was fairly predictable. They completely telegraphed who all the bad guys were. 

The death of Ed was paced all wrong, and it zapped the emotional impact right out of it. 

I didn���t always understand why Joe was supposed to be such a hero when the morality of setting loan sharks loose on housewives and beating up the innocent brother of your girlfriend was highly questionable. 

The ham-fisted attempts at moralizing were a little much. 

The ending! Part of it was hysterical noir at its best and part of it was just silly.

The fight scenes were also unintentionally funny. I almost expected to see cartoon bubbles of "Pow!" and "Bam!" come on the screen. The paunchy middle aged Raft also clearly had a superman body double!

[hollymbryan]

Blog Tour + #Review: KILT TRIP by Alexandra Kiley!

Welcome to Book-Keeping and my stop on the HTP Books in-house blog tour for Kilt Trip by Alexandra Kiley! I've got all the details for you below, along with my review!

About the Book

title: Kilt Trip author: Alexandra Kiley publisher: Canary Street Press release date: 5 March 2024

For fans of Emily Henry and Sarah Morgenthaler comes a brand-new Scotland-set romantic comedy. In this enemies-to-lovers romance, one woman discovers more than the just the magic of the heartland's lochs and landscapes—but not before clashing with the proud Scotsman she's forced to work with. Addie Macrae has always followed her wanderlust. As a travel consultant, she turns struggling businesses into world-class tour groups. Her job comes with the perk of jetsetting around the globe, which means never being in one place for too long—just the way she likes it. Since her mom passed away ten years ago and her father never stopped grieving, no place has felt like home anyway. But when she’s sent on assignment to help a family-run tour group in Scotland—the one place she swore she’d never go—Addie has to shed her emotional baggage and turn on the professional charm. Logan Sutherland’s family business is operating just fine, thank you very much. The Heart of the Highlands was never meant to make the family rich, rather to teach sightseers to appreciate the beauty of Scotland’s hidden gems, which are more captivating than any tourist trap. The last thing Logan wants is some American "expert" pushing Outlander-themed tours and perpetuating myths about the Loch Ness Monster. And for a travel consultant, Addie oddly doesn’t seem interested in learning about the land Logan loves. Equally put off by each other, the new colleagues clash on every company decision. Then Logan discovers Addie does have a personal connection to Scotland—it was her late mother’s favorite place, one that now lives on in a handful of faded Polaroids Addie kept from her parents’ Honeymoon. She wants to seek out the places in the pictures, but is worried that she's too late to capture the wonder of following in her mother's footsteps. Logan is convinced he can help Addie get some closure, and the two realize, when they agree, they actually work pretty well together.  But Addie’s contract with The Heart is almost up, and the business is still losing money. They can’t afford distractions, but there’s no denying the intense chemistry between Addie and Logan. Besides, how can Addie do her job properly if she hasn’t explored all Scotland has to offer?

Add to Goodreads: Kilt Trip Purchase the Book: Bookshop | B&N | BAM | Amazon

About the Author

Alexandra Kiley writes big-hearted romances full of banter, found-family, and deep love. When she’s not writing, you can find her drinking tea, hiking, or gazing adoringly at the mountains of Colorado where she lives with her husband and two kids. Her novels are inspired by her semester in Scotland where she fell in love with not only the lush and magical land, but also the people who invited her into their homes and made her feel like family.

Connect with Alexandra: Website | Twitter | Instagram

My 5-Star Review

I desperately want to visit Scotland and have since I was younger. Outlander is one of my faves - I read the books as they came out (yes I'm old lol) and I adore the show - and I watched so many Hallmark Christmas movies set in Scotland 🙈 So when I heard about Kilt Trip and the chance to be part of the street team for Alexandra Kiley, I jumped at the chance! American travel company consultant travels to Scotland and meets hot tour guide in a kilt?? Sign me the eff up! 😂

I'm so happy to have been able to read an early copy of this delightful romance. I laughed, I swooned, I cried - literally every emotion ran through my body reading this book! There are some open door scenes, but they are relatively mild, what we used to call "tasteful" (even though it's not my favorite way to describe it). Logan was gaaaahhhhh just gorgeous and swoon worthy!! 😍 I absolutely loved him from jump. Addie is a strong woman, my word she is stubborn, but she's carrying so much grief with her and she's been so hurt that she has walls up for days. Logan may just be the one who can finally do that! Plus there's an amazing family, snooty sheep, adorable hairy coos, and so. Many. Kilts.

Any fan of romance needs to read this one, it's an absolute delight (even when I was crying - thanks Alexandra) and I want everyone to read it and then gush with me about it! Thanks again, Alexandra, for having me on the team!

Rating: 5 Stars!

**Disclosure: I received an early e-copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley for purposes of this blog tour.

[lsttcs]

The storm was all the talk all over. Bringing terrible winds by nightfall. The tree behind their house was definitely ill and weak. The storm couldn’t find, perlapse it reconsidered it’s structure’s last dime, built by a lass, at least, as gift, and certain the overbare to not fall nor detract, when games and chivalry, as these storms would smack. If lost by denizen, to when and cost of a number, still aparcel quantalized, moving shag vessle spider as unit as neat, as neat as unkempt, as hoarding in magno propulsion should ever never shipside no court vessel. Hang long, dad joke culinary, makeshift in the rope, long hangs spider money, long hangs artifact, tone in cut, long sag morrowly. Last repulse of cutter gem craft not in ear of wick stone idle five tantra nome and five lugs behind to eat up and quick be respiratory known, the scholar craft or hunch lore. So vestige a salt air, same hands chain rang, all medalion lane, set crust so fair. 

A chap a lot of, rests small, same buckle shacks, lack of the rivet long you sir, dangles of paths, grafts on the locks. Lot of that. Same lop that ate med lot notes up so ate med notes lop side flop sure. A real yarn? No but same jot that same bat is get toward and same year date hits butter bam and serge metaloid steering at that ram and it’s all but two be done between utensils and what any or none see fit in man. So the likely yarn and worn of them. So jannters out smoke belly from all twood near, yester losses slowly only taft ear. So lakes and shandy bake em. Taking our rakes and frequently restake them!

Tom Boy antler at the sod nodding chance friend and then a few more. That’s why we delt year herbice, no longer our tabe or felt lawn. We squash around. We squash around some more more. Going to reach through the rear done. Help, you so forth, a hallier so sour. At least to doom while our selctions take the nine nord straight from all coke and no accused, no forth men, no storm led red toolbit. At last sworn we take rips and then we let low our fatter warren. Just half ub’s to straights sow though we’re riding at nero. There’s no taft that’d make us pallor than. Our retcrab runs pelish zinc.

So why you e bay the crew barbs and oscile the street garb it’s denzing time san the rich craft. It’s so lang lost it’s speech herm. It’s running lost last langaroose like the top men all fell out of the witch hand and fell the trolly reverb amb, last dillicute, ate no hen but ten opals said it’s the sink forth. Sink forth scamps like lite. Eats ell of it. Recruitter dying, save my life! It’s only ambles an. Not your common man. Skinkdrift the fastest, all tonsages’ flung. Laugh fast. The field around the house is hit with an artillery of asymmetrical lightning strikes. The earth lit’s up a private match glow, then charges, and releases the might of a storm that would end all in site should it befall you. Ends the tree. Falls right on it.

[bleach-boyz]

Chapter 3: Poo Diving

prev. // next

In the weeks following the party, you and Dico slowly got more furniture, and soon your apartment was almost resembling one that real adults would live in. Almost. 

That apartment became one of the most common places to go for hangouts due to almost everyone else still living with their parents. You’d occasionally host parties there too, but you’d insist on moving all the breakable furniture to yours and Dico’s rooms before people got there. 

You’d planned to invite your downstairs neighbors again to the next party you’d thrown, but in the weeks leading up to it, you’d noticed a woman entering and exiting their apartment almost every day. Dico later found out after talking to the other neighbor that the one you’d slept with had a girlfriend, and that was the woman who was there all the time. You felt so ashamed and annoyed by this that the next day you waited outside for the woman to show up so you could tell her what happened. Needless to say, you never interacted with that guy again beyond an awkward pass on your way in or out of the apartment building. 

You begged Dico not to tell the guys about that whole situation, but the group wasn’t very good at keeping their lips sealed over another person’s embarrassment. The crew teased you for a while, but soon everyone forgot about it. There was always something new to make fun of someone for. 

The rest of 96’ and 97’ was mainly just a blur of partying and the same shit y’all always got up to. You’d finished a full year at West Chester University and immediately decided to drop out, not finding any fulfillment in your time there. You didn’t aspire to be a doctor or lawyer or anything that required a degree; you were totally fine having a day job and spending the rest of your time having fun with your friends. Your parents didn’t really care either, because you were making enough from the record store job to support yourself, and they trusted your judgment, which you were extremely grateful for. 

1998 was the year that things started ramping up for the crew because that was the year that Jess officially formed his band, CKY. A new member of the band and friend group was a guy named Chad, whom you actually started dating after hanging out for a few weeks. He was six years older than you, which was a little weird at first, but you clicked really well. Plus, you’d never had a serious partner before, so you thought you might as well try it out. The boys would occasionally ask you inappropriate questions about your sex life because they couldn’t help themselves, but surprisingly, they mostly left you alone about it. It was just the new normal. 

In terms of everyone else’s relationships, that same year Bam started dating Jenn, who you got along with easily. Jenn had actually been a friend of your older brother’s back when they were in high school, so you recognized her immediately when you first met. The two of you would go out to dinner or the movies every now and then to have a more normal, chill night without the boys. The rest of the crew were just sort of in and out of random relationships, none of which were particularly noteworthy. 

Bam had also decided to take on an extremely ambitious project in 98’, which was to make a film compiled of the crew’s skate tricks and stunts while featuring CKY’s music. It was basically just a longer version of the videos you all had been making for years, and you spent a large chunk of your free time helping film and edit material for the project. You made it into the film a few times, including a stunt where you skated down a tiny half pipe straight into a brick wall, but admittedly you liked working behind the scenes a little bit more. You particularly liked sitting with Bam at his desk, going through hours of footage, and helping him execute his fast-paced editing style that would become unique to all his future videos and films. 

It was the first CKY film’s release in early 1999 that really ushered you and the crew into a new, crazy chapter of your life. Instead of just being stared at on occasion in West Chester, people were starting to come up and talk to you all at random places and even buy you drinks. The popularity of the film, in combination with Bam’s steadily rising level of fame as a skater, also meant that he was getting sponsorship offers and calls from all sorts of people wanting to work with him. But it was after the more widespread release and popularity of CKY2K the next year that he was approached for MTV’s Jackass. 

After Bam had been flown out to LA and talked to the creators behind the show, it was no question that you’d all be participating in its making. Bam had explained that it was being made by people who worked at Big Brother Magazine, which you were all already familiar with and fans of ever since Bam had been featured in it for his skating. That, combined with the fact that you’d be getting paid not only with money but with exposure, was enough to get you on board. You’d made an okay amount from CKY2K’s sales, and MTV wasn’t exactly promising to pay you much, but getting money and recognition for the thing you enjoyed doing the most was all anyone could really ask for. Bam was the only one who was really getting paid good money, but that didn’t really bother you; his fame made him a lot more important to the project. 

The commitment to the show meant that you all had to make a ton of content quickly, which was different from how it was in the past when you’d just film whenever you wanted. It was the pressure that came from knowing you were about to be seen by such a large audience that drove everyone to come up with and participate in the most gruesome and disgusting stunts any of you had ever done. 

The most memorable day of shooting for you was for a stunt called "Poo Diving" in which Ryan would be swimming in a pool of sewage and shit at a treatment plant. 

-

You wake up with a raging headache and an overwhelming feeling of nausea. You groan and look at the clock to see that it’s already the afternoon, and you and Dico had to be at Bam’s house in an hour to film. 

Yesterday, you and Chad had broken up, and you’d spent the night getting drunk in an attempt to feel better about it. You two hadn’t been spending enough time with each other lately, with him touring with CKY and you now working on the show. You’d just drifted apart, and although you both agreed to end it on good terms, you couldn’t help but feel a bit upset. After all, you'd been together for almost two years.

Your hangover in combination with your grief would have probably resulted in you staying home on any other day, but today was the first day you’d be filming with the camera crew from LA, including the creator Jeff Tremaine. Also, you knew you would never forgive yourself if you missed seeing Ryan swim around in liquid shit, so you down a few ibuprofen and get ready for the day. 

You roll up with Dico at Bam’s house an hour later, and based on all the cars in the driveway, you can assume everyone else is already there. You two walk through the front door and see Bam, Ape, and a few other strangers who you assume are the LA crew standing in the kitchen. 

"Well, look who’s here!" Ape says and pulls you into a hug. 

"Hey Ape." You hug her back and then turn to the unknown people. 

"I’m Jeff. This is Trip," Jeff says as he points to the guy next to him and shakes your hand very professionally.

You get introduced to everyone, and soon after, Ryan shows up, acting way too enthusiastic for someone who was about to do what he had to do. 

"Excited for the air time?" You ask him as you buckle your seatbelt for the ride over to the treatment plant. 

"Damn right." 

Once you get there, Ryan strips down to his underwear, and the boys start taping the fabric to his legs so that no sewage can get into his ass. It’s very legit. 

"So he just has no problem doing something like this?" Jeff asks you. 

"Well, some people lose their dignity, and some are born without it." You respond, and Jeff laughs. 

Ryan puts on his floaty and positions himself above the sewage. 

"Don’t forget your snorkel buddy." Dico says to Ryan and tosses it to him. 

"Right, that was almost a disaster." Ryan sighs as he puts on the snorkel. 

As soon as Jeff makes sure all the cameras are good to go Ryan jumps into the tank, much to the disgust of everyone else around him. After a few seconds, he pulls himself out, and Bam informs him that they didn’t get the shot and he has to do it again. You hold back a laugh, knowing there’s no way they didn’t get the shot the first time, and watch as Ryan jumps back in for a second time. 

After he gets out for the second time, Ryan runs around, trying to smear some of the sewage on anyone close by. He nearly grabs you, but you manage to dodge him quick enough, so he sets his sights on Bam instead. The smell of shit and sewage coming off his body combined with the nausea you were already feeling from your hangover causes you to dry heave, and unfortunately, someone on the crew catches it on camera. 

Bam soon sprays Ryan down with a hose, getting most of but not all of the sewage off of him. On the car ride back to Bam’s house, you roll the windows down all the way to try and minimize the smell that was still coming off of Ryan. 

"It’s kind of an improvement on how you usually smell." Dico teases. 

Once you get back to the house, Ryan presents himself to a horrified April, who insists that he must eat the dinner that she made for everyone outside. You watch her take a plate of food out to Ryan, who is sitting on the side of the road with a tiny table in front of him, and you laugh at the absurdity. 

You have a good time at dinner, telling funny stories and cracking jokes with everyone, but you decide to cut out right after and head to the local bar. Thanks to the fun you had with everyone, you are feeling a little better than you did yesterday, but you still want some time alone to indulge in self-pity. 

After you have a few drinks, you step out for a cigarette, and it is then that you see Ryan, Dico, and a couple members of the camera crew get out of Ryan’s car. They walk up to you, and you’re immediately hit with the overwhelming smell of perfume that Ryan had clearly doused himself with in order to try and mask the shit smell. 

You cough slightly. "I think a shower might have been more effective." 

Ryan shrugs his shoulders and pulls out a cigarette from his own pack. 

"We’re gonna get a round." Dico says as he and the other dudes they showed up with head inside the bar. 

"I heard about you and Chad." Ryan says after a few moments of silence. You sigh. 

"Yeah.. what are ya gonna do?" You say and take a long drag from your cigarette. 

"Well, I’m here for you if you like—need to talk or whatever." Ryan says, and you smile a little. 

"I’m sorry it’s hard to pay attention to anything you’re saying when you reek of poop, Ape’s perfume, and now cigarettes." You joke, and Ryan scoffs. 

"Hey! I’m trying to be genuine over here, so you better cherish it." He says, and you laugh. 

"I know. Thank you. I appreciate it." You reply. "How are things going with you romantically?" 

"Well… I’m not sure we need to get into all that." He says. 

"So, unsuccessful?" 

"Definitely." 

"What happened to that girl that you brought to the last CKY show here?" You ask. 

"We’re on a break right now; I’m pretty sure she was cheating on me with her ex." He says and shakes his head. 

"Oh shit, I think I remember Dico telling me about that. I’m sorry, man." You say and go to put a comforting hand on Ryan’s shoulder before remembering where he was a few hours ago and retracting it. 

"It‘s all good; I only broke like three pieces of furniture raging about it. And I don’t know; I’m supposed to get dinner with her this week, so we’ll see." He explains. 

"Well, good luck, I guess." You say and put out your cigarette on the wall behind you. A few quiet seconds follow, where you can tell Ryan is debating saying something, and you cross your arms, wondering what it could possibly be. 

"You know, a few years back, when you and Dico first got that apartment, I had a bit of a crush on you." Ryan finally admits, and you raise your eyebrows in disbelief. 

"Oh really? Why didn’t you ever say anything?" You ask. 

"Well, I was gonna try to put the moves on you at your housewarming party, but then you disappeared with your neighbor, and after that, I just assumed you weren’t interested." He says and then stamps out his own cigarette. 

"Hmm.." You think back to that time, which was now almost four years ago. You’d admittedly never thought of Ryan in that way, but you honestly might’ve said yes if he’d asked you out. You obviously got along really well, and you had kind of noticed him slowly getting cuter as he got older. 

"Why are you telling me this now?" You decide to ask. It’s not that you don’t appreciate the honesty, but you are desperately hoping that Ryan isn’t bringing this up to try to make a pass at you the day after you got out of a long-term relationship. You don't know if you'd be able to handle it.

"I don’t know; I think it’s a bit funny now, I guess. It was so long ago, I thought you might get a kick out of it." He smiles, but you’re not entirely convinced by his answer. 

"Yeah," you say, feeling a bit awkward and weirdly nervous for a moment before deciding to try and crack a joke. "Wait, so you were gonna put the moves on me? What moves do you even have?" You tease. 

"Oh, come on, I have moves; watch." He says and puts his arm against the wall behind you so that his face is close to yours and he’s blocking you in. You might have blushed if it weren’t for the horrible smell that wafted toward you when he got closer. You duck under his arm and head to the entrance of the bar. 

"The move you need to make is towards a shower." You say and signal for him to follow you. He rolls his eyes and comes with you, and you spend the rest of the night drinking and laughing with the others inside. 

During the following days, your mind would occasionally drift to Ryan’s confession, and you’d ponder why he’d decided to tell you about it then. Maybe he really just thought it was funny, and the intention was sincerely to make you laugh, but the tone in which he said it just felt a little off. You thought you’d detected some longing or something. 

A week passed, and you’d decided to believe that you were just overthinking it after finding out from Dico that Ryan’s dinner with his ex resulted in them getting back together. 

Regardless, though, the conversation made you reflect on your entire friendship with Ryan. It was weird; you hadn’t really noticed how much care and attention he’d been providing you with since the beginning. It made you feel like a bad friend for not appreciating him, and it also brought up some other, more confusing feelings. You didn’t think you could say you’d become attracted to him, but you could say that you’d maybe developed more of an affinity for him. 

It made you want to pay more attention.

———————

Actually driving myself crazy trying to keep this is accurate as possible to the real life timeline of events- sorry if I mess anything up. There was just so much going on lol.

Thanks again to everyone who is reading 🙏 I feel bad that I can’t follow people back or engage as much as I want to because this is a secondary blog 😢 but know that I appreciate it soooooo much hehe.

[dargeereads]

Julie Ann Walker has a gorgeous new romantic suspense series launching this fall–check out BLACK KNIGHTS: RELOADED and grab your copy of the first book August 29th!

Title: Back in Black

Author: Julie Ann Walker

Genre: Romantic Suspense

Release Date: August 29th

About Back In Black:

A secret identity mixed in with forced proximity on top of red-hot chemistry? What could go wrong? The Black Knights are back and better than ever! FBI agent Grace Beacham is on the run. After an operation to bring down a Russian disinformation campaign goes sideways and ends in her partner’s death, the Kremlin has sent its most notorious assassin to kill her. Not knowing who to trust inside the Bureau, Grace is forced to call on the one man who might be able to save her. The one man she hasn’t been able to forget. BKI operative Hunter Jackson walked away from Grace Beacham three years ago. And he hasn’t looked back. But when his cell phone suddenly jangles to life with Grace on the other end begging for his help, he doesn’t hesitate to ride to her rescue. Grace is no stranger to men like Hunter. Men who are devastatingly attractive and in love with their perilous professions and no-strings-attached lifestyles. As the two of them go off-grid to uncover the truth behind what happened on her last assignment, she fears her life might not be the only thing on the line. With Hunter, her heart could be in danger too. "A first-rate thrill ride."—Publishers Weekly, STARRED Review for Thrill Ride "This razor-sharp, sensual, and intriguing tale will get hearts pounding"—Publishers Weekly, STARRED Review for Wild Ride "Deft characterization, skillful pacing, touches of humor, and red-hot love scenes rev up this highly recommended roller-coaster." —Publishers Weekly, STARRED Review for In Rides Trouble

Pre-Order Your Copy!

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        Title: Black Hearted

Author: Julie Ann Walker

Genre: Romantic Suspense

Release Date: September 26th

About Back Hearted:

He’s everything she ever wanted. She’s everything he never knew he needed. Can she convince him she’s the one? The Black Knights are back and better than ever! Samuel Harwood has spent his entire career working in the black and gray areas of international intrigue. Living in the shadows for so long has made him forget who he was and where he came from. Then a blast from the past, in the form of his ex-girlfriend’s kid sister, arrives on the front steps of Black Knights Inc, reminding him of everything he left behind. Except, she’s no longer a kid. And she’s in serious trouble. Hannah Blue has been in love with Sam Harwood since she was in braces. When someone sabotages her entire life, he’s the first person she turns to. She has critical information about a potential cyber-attack on the U.S. power grid that could end in catastrophic financial damage and loss of life. But the FBI thinks she’s a traitor. And now she’s on the run to save herself and the fate of the entire nation. Who does Samuel trust? The smart, sexy woman he’s known since he was a teenager? Or the government authorities who give him his orders and cut his paychecks? He’ll make one desperate play to find out. A play that could cost him everything…including his heart.

About the Author:

Born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Julie grew up in a house full of women – she has three older sisters. As you can imagine, there was no lack of drama… or romance. Her mother enrolled her in a book club as soon as she began to read and it was the small spark that ignited her voracious appetite for the written word. Because of Julie’s early immersion in literature, she found writing came quite naturally. In high school, she won multiple writing contests and was the proud senior editor of The Tiger’s Tale – her school newspaper. During her college years, however, she longed for a challenge. “Reading and writing felt like second nature to me, so I looked for a way to flex my mental muscles,” she recalls. After receiving a Bachelor of Science degree, Julie began teaching advanced high school mathematics. “I loved working with the students and facing the challenges of the classroom, but I longed for the occasional snow day when I could race to the local book store, buy two or three new novels, and curl up in front of the fire to read.” It wasn’t until a fortuitous move to Chicago that Julie once more returned to her first passion. Now Julie loves to travel the world looking for views to compete with her deadlines. When she’s not writing, she enjoys camping, hiking, cycling, cooking, petting every dog that walks by her, and… reading, of course!  

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