#it felt a little less whimsical and intimate than the book

[shelfperson]

Aight, look, Good Omens 2 empirically does not need to happen. The book was a complete narrative that concluded satisfyingly, was adapted quite well, one of the co-authors has passed away, the story is over. It is inherently superfluous.

BUT. I am so very deeply exited for Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore's high concept Terry Pratchett tribute fanfiction featuring wacky mysteries, hopefully even more Best of Queen, and gothgirl David Tennant. That sounds rad to me.

[nitrateglow]

Favorite film discoveries of 2019

Every year, my new-to-me favorites list always shocks me in some way. This year, the sheer amount of movies made in the 2010s on display is INSANE by my standards. Of course, most of the modern movies here are throwbacks or tributes to older styles of cinema, so maybe it’s not that shocking in the long run.

Another running trend this year: movies that are old but not as dated as we would wish. Many of the older films here deal with xenophobia and political strife in ways that still feel shockingly prescient today-- the more things change...

ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD (DIR. QUENTIN TARANTINO, 2019)

I never thought the day would come where my favorite movie of the year would actually be made after the 1970s, let alone by Quentin Tarantino. Then again, this movie is all about the end of Old Hollywood as well as a big love letter to the 1960s, so maybe it’s not that shocking a state of affairs. I adored this movie, the level of detail, the laidback yet elegaic vibe, the comedy and the relationships between all the characters. It was one of those movies where I loved even the scenes where nothing seems to be happening at all-- I mean, who knew Brad Pitt feeding his dog and watching TV could be entertaining?? But it is and I can't wait to see this one again!

INTENTIONS OF MURDER (DIR. SHOHEI IMAMURA, 1964)

Intentions of Murder has an insane premise, one that runs the risk of being tasteless: a housewife in a miserable, exploitative marriage is raped by a sickly burglar during a home invasion. Even worse, she can’t shake him, as he’s suddenly infatuated and wants her to run away with him to the city. And weirder still: her current existence is so miserable that she’s TEMPTED. While abuse and rape are grim subjects for any story, Intentions is actually about a woman coming into her own and finally standing strong against all these men trying to use her. It’s a weird blend of drama and dark comedy, a truly savage satire on patriarchy and class-snobbery.

JOKER (DIR. TODD PHILLIPS, 2019)

I went into this movie expecting to think it was overhyped and when I first left the theater, I was all ready to say “it’s good but not THAT good.” But it ended up haunting me for weeks afterward, and I found myself thinking about how everything just tied up so well together, from the grotty urban hellscape which serves as the setting to Phoenix’s brilliant performance. It reminded me a lot of A Clockwork Orange in how intimate it lets you get to this violent man while never pretending he is someone to be glamorized or imitated.

SIMON (DIR. MARSHALL BRICKMAN, 1980)

How do I even describe Simon? Alan Arkin is brainwashed by a group of overpaid intellectuals into believing he is descended from an alien toaster. Then he gets a messiah complex and starts gathering disciples as he rails against television, condiment packets, and muzak. It’s a little uneven at times, sure, but the satire is really inspired. The whole thing is like a combination of Mel Brooks, Stanley Kubrick, and Woody Allen’s styles, and it is quite hilarious for those who thrive on cult oddities.

PEEPING TOM (DIR. MICHAEL POWELL, 1960)

Though it came out the same year as Hitchcock’s Psycho and has been nearly as influential for horror cinema, Peeping Tom remains underseen by everyone save for film theorists. And what a shame that is, because this movie is more frightening than Psycho. Sure, that may be because Psycho is so predominant in popular culture and just so influential that it no longer has the same shock value, but there’s something about Peeping Tom that gets under my skin, something sad, even disgusting. I felt dirty after watching it-- and this is 2019!

MIDNIGHT MARY (DIR. WILLIAM WELLMAN, 1933)

Loretta Young got one of her juiciest roles in this pre-code crime drama. Her Mary Martin is more than just a good girl forced into criminal circles-- she’s a complicated creature, compassionate and desperate and lonely and bitter and sensual all at once. This movie is a fast-paced, beautifully filmed ride, cloaked in that Depression-era cynicism that makes pre-code Hollywood of such interest to movie geeks the world over.

WILD BOYS OF THE ROAD (DIR. WILLIAM WELLMAN, 1933)

Wild Boys of the Road is a quintessential Depression-era movie, relentless in its bleakness and rage. That the main characters are all starving kids only looking for work makes their struggles all the harder to watch. William Wellman is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors: his gritty style and compact storytelling are just perfect for a ripped-from-the-headlines drama such as this. And the “happy” ending has one little moment that just knocks any smile you have right off your mug. Absolutely see this.

THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING, THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING (DIR. NORMAN JEWISON, 1966)

Sometimes, when you watch a movie only because a favorite actor is in it, you get subjected to pure trash like Free and Easy (oh, the things I do for Buster Keaton). Other times, you get cute gems like The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming, which, as you probably guessed, I mainly sought out for Alan Arkin. But the whole movie is hilarious, the best kind of farce comedy, populated by enjoyable characters and a sweet-tempered humanism that grounds the wackiness. While a little overlong, this movie is quite underrated-- and sadly, its satire of American xenophobia and Cold War panic is not as dated as we would like to believe.

ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN (DIR. ALAN J. PAKULA, 1976)

Who knew a political thriller where most people know the twist could be so intense and riveting? It’s about as nonsensical as feeling suspense when you watch a movie about the Titanic and hope the boat won’t sink-- but damn, it’s magical. All the President’s Men is real white-knuckle stuff, with Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman projecting both youthful excitement and deep panic as they proceed with their investigation. It scarcely seems to have aged at all.

WHISPER OF THE HEART (DIR. YOSHIFUMI KONDOU, 1995)

There’s a scene near the end of Whisper of the Heart where the protagonist Shizuku shows the finished first draft of her fantasy novel to her first reader, the grandpa of one of her schoolmates. She weeps because it isn’t the perfect image she had in her head, despite how hard she worked on it, but the old man tells her that it takes polishing and discipline to make the work come to its full potential. Few movies about artists are so honest about how hard it can be, how unsupportive others can be in their demand that everyone be “practical.” As a writer who struggles to create and constantly doubts herself, this movie spoke strongly to me. I recommend it to any creative person.

THE PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE (DIR. BRIAN DE PALMA, 1976)

I’d been wanting to see this movie since my high school phan days. Holy crap, is it WEIRDER than I could have ever imagined, a true camp masterpiece. I’m shocked it was never tuned into a stage show actually, but then again, we would miss those trippy camera angles and we wouldn’t have Paul Williams as one of the greatest villains of all time.

DUEL (DIR. STEVEN SPIELBERG, 1971)

When people talk about the best movies made in the “Hitchcock without Hitchcock directing” tradition, why is Duel so seldom mentioned? The scene in the cafe, packed with paranoid tension and tense camerawork, alone should qualify it. Duel is most known as the movie which put the young Steven Spielberg on the map. It’s quite different from his later work, grittier and less whimsical for sure. Even the ending seems almost nihilistic, depending on how you view it. But damn, if it isn’t fine filmmaking.

CAROL (DIR. TODD HAYNES, 2015)

This gorgeous throwback to Douglas Sirk melodramas is also one of the best romantic movies I’ve seen in a while. Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara have the sweetest, tenderest chemistry-- it was like seeing Lauren Bacall and Audrey Hepburn as love interests in a film. Unlike Sirk, there is little in the way of ripe melodrama here-- everything is underplayed, aching, mature. And I can say this is an adaptation that is better than the source book: it just feels so much warmer.

12 ANGRY MEN (DIR. SIDNEY LUMET, 1957

All I can say is that this was every bit equal to the hype. Common movie wisdom says people sitting and talking in a room is going to be boring on film, but movies like 12 Angry Men prove this is not so when you’ve got an excellently tense atmosphere, an inspired script, and a stable of fine actors to work with. Like The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming, this movie has not significantly aged-- much to society’s discredit.

A STAR IS BORN (DIR. GEORGE CUKOR, 1954)

Another movie I went into not expecting to love as much as I did. When movies from the 20s or 30s tended to get remakes in the 1950s, I always find them too garish and big, victims of glossy Cinemascope and overlong runtimes. Compared to the lean 1937 classic original, I expected sheer indulgence from this three-hour remake. Instead, I got my heart torn out all over again-- the longer runtime is used well, fleshing out the characters to a greater degree. Judy Garland and James Mason both give what might be the best efforts of their respective careers, and the satire of the celebrity machine remains as relevant and scathing as ever.

BLANCANIEVES (DIR. PABLO BERGER, 2012)

Oh, it feels like this movie was made for me specifically. It’s shot in gorgeous, expressionistic black-and-white. It’s set in the 1920s. It’s a clever adaptation of a classic fairy tale. It’s as funny and charming as it is bittersweet and macabre. Instead of more superhero movies, can we get more neo-silent movies like this? PLEASE?

THE FAVOURITE (DIR. YORGOS LANTHIMOS, 2018)

I’ve heard The Favourite described as a “bitchy lesbian Shakespeare play,” but this description, while a little true in terms of general tone, does not get to the heart of what makes this film brilliant. More than love or sex, this movie is about power-- particularly the corrupting influence of power. And it corrupts not only morals but love itself. Innocents become Machiavellian schemers. Lovers become sadomasochistic enemies. Good intentions turn to poison. This certainly isn’t a happy movie, but it is moving and, strangely enough, also hilarious. I was reminded of the chilly, satirical world of Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon more than once-- and for me, that is not a bad movie to be reminded of.

ON THE WATERFRONT (DIR. ELIA KAZAN, 1954)

Another classic that’s been on my list forever that I was delighted to find worthy of its reputation. It’s a classic tale of redemption and social justice, perfectly acted and shot. While I still prefer A Streetcar Named Desire as far as Kazan is concerned, this might be a better movie in the objective sense. Actually, more than even Brando, Karl Malden is the acting highlight for me-- he plays a priest torn between staying silent or truly speaking for the Gospel by demanding justice for the poor parish he serves. Just brilliant work.

KLUTE (DIR. ALAN J. PAKULA, 1971)

A perfect thriller, just about, and a great example of the “NYC is hell on earth” subgenre of the 1960s and 1970s. Jane Fonda is a revelation: she feels so real, not at all like a starlet trying to seem normal if you know what I mean.

KISS KISS BANG BANG (DIR. SHANE BLACK, 2005)

As far as subversive noir goes, this is the most entertaining. I would put it up there with The Big Lebowski as far as goofy takes on Raymond Chandler are concerned-- I don’t even really know what to make of it, but I laughed my ass off anytime I wasn’t going “WHAT???”

What were your favorite film discoveries in 2019?

[timeagainreviews]

The Great Con-Junction

For a place like the world-famous Elstree Studios in London, history is made on the regular. Movies like "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," "Hot Fuzz," and even "Star Wars" have all been captured to celluloid moving at twenty-four frames per second. However, it was a lesser-known, though no less ambitious film that had eager fans lining up around the block on a mild February morning nearly forty years later. The film I speak of is none other than Jim Henson's 1982 cult-classic "The Dark Crystal." Myself and at least 200 other attendees were gathered for the first official Dark Crystal convention, celebrating both the film and the Netflix series. Taking place at the very studio where the movie was filmed, Thames Con's "The Great Con-Junction," was also the biggest reunion of the original cast and crew since the film's release. Once again, history was being made at Elstree Studios.

Upon learning of the convention I was filled with both desire and regret. Desire to go, and regret that I most likely wouldn’t be able. I live in Glasgow which is 6.5 hours away from London by car, and I don’t drive. On top of that, I hadn’t any money saved for such an occasion. But through the generosity of several friends, my mother, and my boyfriend willing to drive me there, the impossible was suddenly very tangible. With only twenty days until the convention, I was one of the lucky few able to attend this momentous affair.

It may seem odd that such a niche convention could draw someone from as far away as Glasgow, and in some cases the US and Australia. But if you’ve ever been to a Star Trek or My Little Pony convention, you may have some idea as to the sort of passion we’re dealing with. For many, Dark Crystal isn’t merely a great creative property, it’s life-changing. As a child, Jim Henson’s work left an indelible mark upon my soul. Projects like "Fraggle Rock," "Storyteller," and "The Flintstones," inspired creativity in me and filled me with the desire to one day work for the Jim Henson Company. Sadly, years of adulting did their best to dull that flame to a mere ember. However, after last year’s premiere of "The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance," that ember grew into a roiling fire.

For the past month, I’ve been a ball of excited energy leading up to the convention. I’ve immersed myself in all things Jim Henson. Whether it be rewatching the Netflix series for the umpteenth time, revisiting Labyrinth, or reading JM Lee’s YA Dark Crystal novels, it’s been all I could do not to crack up. In the final week leading up to the event, I directed this nervous excitement into creating a cosplay as the Crystal of Truth, wrapped in black chains and metal claws. When the day finally arrived and I found myself waiting in line with other excited fans decked out in purple, or cosplaying as Deet or Rian, I knew I was with my people. The air was abuzz with excitement as we were slowly ushered into the building.

The event hall at Elstree was decorated with posters of scenes from the movie along with mood lighting. Part of the ticket cost afforded each attendee a beautiful signed print by Brian Froud. A bar at the entrance was selling official Dark Crystal merch including the ThinkGeek Fizzgig puppet only available in the states. Right away I had blown most of my budget, but my new furry friend would agree I made the right choice! I’d been there not two minutes, and already my arms were full of swag. I took this opportunity to get my Fizzgig and a book signed by both Brian and Wendy Froud, who were very generously autographing people’s items for free.

Usually, conventions leave a bad taste in my mouth as they seem like supremely capitalist ventures. And while there were plenty of things to buy, the Frouds’ generosity set the real tone of the event. Not only were they generous with their autographs, but they were also incredibly generous with their time. It seemed as though every person that talked to them was given an opportunity to gush and share their personal stories. As I told them both how much their work meant to me, they were treating it as though it were the first time they had heard it that day. Brian even took the time to doodle a little Fizzgig and Skeksis for me alongside his whimsical signature. The impression they left me with is that they were both very genuine and down to earth people, and meeting them is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

One of the things Mr Froud shared with me was that in his experience, people’s reaction to the Dark Crystal is usually always something creative. People go off and make fan art, cosplays, puppets, or even their own artistic endeavours. You could see proof of this all around the room that day. I met a brilliant artist from Seattle named Nori (@noriretherford​​), who in exchange for doodles from attendees was giving beautiful prints of her fan art. I drew my best skekTek from memory and have the cutest depiction of Seladon, Tavra, and Brea playing as children to show for it. There were cosplays with humbling levels of detail and even the occasional puppets of people’s original characters. All around you, creativity was swirling, and people were passionately sharing their enthusiasm with one another.

These initial couple of hours were dedicated to meet and greets with the cast, crew, and fellow attendees. Everyone seemed just as interested to listen as they were to share. One attendee remarked to me how she had never before felt more encouraged to speak to strangers than she had at the convention. Even my boyfriend, who is generally shy, was coming out of his shell and joining in the conversations. I was also pleased that the convention was managed well enough that I didn’t spend my entire day waiting in line to meet someone while he was relegated to watching my things. I was actually able to share this experience with him as opposed to relaying it through dreamfasting later. This made meeting the guests less of a thing to check off a list, and more of an experience.

My only real qualm with the structure of the convention was the Skeksis tea which was offered as part of the ticket price. Since I was unaware that the guests would be available all day, I was a bit late to lunch meaning the banquet was completely picked over by the time we had gotten there. No amount of cute creative table displays or impressively crafted Nebrie cake could obscure the fact that we were forced to find our lunch at the McDonalds across the road. Furthermore, I was unaware that the lunch was buffet style, which meant that if someone wanted to be as gluttonous as skekAyuk, it would leave the rest of us hungry. We were not alone in this, as several others were left to look upon the empty tables with dismay. That being said, for a first-time convention, it’s impressive that so little went awry.

For me, the biggest highlight of the day was getting to actually see the Gelfling puppets along with their respective puppeteers. Both Beccy Henderson and Neil Sterenberg had Deet and Rian with them. I’m not ashamed to admit that I hugged Deet. Being able to see the detail of the puppets and feel the various textures employed by the brilliant fabricators at the Jim Henson Creature Workshop was mindblowing. Not to mention that both Beccy and Neil were just as generous with their time as the Frouds. Though I would have to say the most exciting puppet I met that day has to go to Hup, as Victor Yerrid was actually puppeteering him and speaking directly to attendees in Podling. Hearing Hup say my name and talk to me was overwhelmingly exciting! That man is a brilliant puppeteer.

Throughout the day there were also several panels with guests from both the TV show and the movie. It was fascinating to listen to each of them tell their stories. Whether it be anecdotes about Jim Henson or tales about trying to navigate hot costumes under studio lights, it was a treasure trove of information. Listening to these stories was a constant reminder of the sheer amount of history present in the room. Each one of these guests had their own incredible careers, and here they all were, ready to share their fantastic stories. Yet despite this being an intimate gathering of a small group of creatives reuniting after 38+ years, it never once felt like it was all about them. You didn’t feel like an interloper or an evesdropper. We were all part of this wonderful experience together.

It was puppeteer Louise Gold’s remarks to the crowd about this that really put into words what we were all thinking. Through stifled tears, she remarked that she had initially come to see all of her old friends, but had found herself equally enriched by meeting the fans. Seeing all of us come together and sharing our stories was as inspiring to her as it was for us. Hearing her impassioned words moved quite a few of us to tears, myself included. She was easily one of my favourite people I met yesterday, and not just because she was so wonderfully extra. Her words spoke the same truth as Brian Froud's- what has resulted from this fandom is something creative. The Dark Crystal hasn’t simply entertained, it has changed lives.

Of course, like any good convention, it wasn’t just the guests in the spotlight. The cosplay contest allowed for an opportunity for the fans to strut their stuff. Much like the ticket giveaway the organisers had done, they couldn’t decide on just one winner. There was so much goodwill and positivity flowing that honourable mentions were given prizes as well, and with good reason. There were so many incredible costumes that I doubt I could have picked the best of the lot. There were Gelflings, Skeksis, a Hup, and even an urRu! My favourite of the lot was a mother-daughter duo who went as Brea and Kira respectively. But that may just have to do with the fact that I’m a big Brea fan and her costume was incredible!

Were I to think of any one word to explain how I feel about being able to attend this convention it would be grateful. I left feeling rejuvinated. My boyfriend even commented that I was “glowing.” I wish everyone in the fandom could have the same experience. I’ve seen so many passionate fans online in the last day wishing they could have gone, and I very easily could have been one of them. It’s proof to me that this fandom has more to it than just a few people toiling away in their basements. There is a real desire for these types of events. It’s not hard to imagine people declaring their Gelfling clan like Harry Potter fans might declare themselves Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws. (I’m totally a Vapran.) If you look online, you can see people’s OCs of both Gelfling and Skeksis. Even I’ve considered putting together my own Gelfling Gathering here in Glasgow. I’m hopeful that this is a sign of things to come, and that we won’t have to wait a thousand trine for the next Great Con-Junction.

[justforbooks]

Lee Konitz, jazz alto saxophonist who was a founding influence on the ‘cool school’ of the 1950s  died aged 92

The music critic Gary Giddins once likened the alto saxophone playing of Lee Konitz, who has died aged 92 from complications of Covid-19, to the sound of someone “thinking out loud”. In the hothouse of an impulsive, spontaneous music, Konitz sounded like a jazz player from a different habitat entirely – a man immersed in contemplation more than impassioned tumult, a patient explorer of fine-tuned nuances.

Konitz played with a delicate intelligence and meticulous attention to detail, his phrasing impassively steady in its dynamics but bewitching in line. Yet he relished the risks of improvising. He loved long, curling melodies that kept their ultimate destinations hidden, he had a pure tone that eschewed dramatic embellishments, and he seemed to have all the time in the world. “Lee really likes playing with no music there at all,” the trumpeter Kenny Wheeler once told me. “He’ll say ‘You start this tune’ and you’ll say ‘What tune?’ and he’ll say ‘I don’t care, just start.’”

Born in Chicago, the youngest of three sons of immigrant parents – an Austrian father, who ran a laundry business, and a Russian mother, who encouraged his musical interests – Konitz became a founding influence on the 1950s “cool school”, which was, in part, an attempt to get out of the way of the almost unavoidable dominance of Charlie Parker on post-1940s jazz. For all his technical brilliance, Parker was a raw, earthy and impassioned player, and rarely far from the blues. As a child, Konitz studied the clarinet with a member of Chicago Symphony Orchestra and he had a classical player’s silvery purity of tone; he avoided both heart-on-sleeve vibrato and the staccato accents characterising bebop.

However, Konitz and Parker had a mutual admiration for the saxophone sound of Lester Young – much accelerated but still audible in Parker’s phrasing, tonally recognisable in Konitz’s poignant, stately and rather melancholy sound. Konitz switched from clarinet to saxophone in 1942, initially adopting the tenor instrument. He began playing professionally, and encountered Lennie Tristano, the blind, autocratic, musically visionary Chicago pianist who was probably the biggest single influence on the cool movement. Tristano valued an almost mathematically pristine melodic inventiveness over emotional colouration in music, and was obsessive in its pursuit. “He felt and communicated that music was a serious matter,” Konitz said. “It wasn’t a game, or a means of making a living, it was a life force.”

Tristano came close to anticipating free improvisation more than a decade before the notion took wider hold, and his impatience with the dictatorship of popular songs and their inexorable chord patterns – then the underpinnings of virtually all jazz – affected all his disciples. Konitz declared much later that a self-contained, standalone improvised solo with its own inner logic, rather than a string of variations on chords, was always his objective. His pursuit of this dream put pressures on his career that many musicians with less exacting standards were able to avoid.

Konitz switched from tenor to alto saxophone in the 1940s. He worked with the clarinettist Jerry Wald, and by 20 he was in Claude Thornhill’s dance band. This subtle outfit was widely admired for its slow-moving, atmospheric “clouds of sound” arrangements, and its use of what jazz hardliners sometimes dismissed as “front-parlour instruments” – bassoons, French horns, bass clarinets and flutes.

Regular Thornhill arrangers included the saxophonist Gerry Mulligan and the classically influenced pianist Gil Evans. Miles Davis was also drawn into an experimental composing circle that regularly met in Evans’s New York apartment. The result was a series of Thornhill-like pieces arranged for a nine-piece band showcasing Davis’s fragile-sounding trumpet. The 1949 and 1950 sessions became immortalised as the Birth of the Cool recordings, though they then made little impact. Davis was the figurehead, but the playing was ensemble-based and Konitz’s plaintive, breathy alto saxophone already stood out, particularly on such drifting tone-poems as Moon Dreams.

Konitz maintained the relationship with Tristano until 1951, before going his own way with the trombonist Tyree Glenn, and then with the popular, advanced-swing Stan Kenton orchestra. Konitz’s delicacy inevitably toughened in the tumult of the Kenton sound, and the orchestra’s power jolted him out of Tristano’s favourite long, pale, minimally inflected lines into more fragmented, bop-like figures. But the saxophonist really preferred small-group improvisation. He began to lead his own bands, frequently with the pianist Ronnie Ball and the bassist Peter Ind, and sometimes with the guitarist Billy Bauer and the brilliant West Coast tenor saxophonist Warne Marsh.

In 1961 Konitz recorded the album Motion with John Coltrane’s drummer Elvin Jones and the bassist Sonny Dallas. Jones’s intensity and Konitz’s whimsical delicacy unexpectedly turned out to be a perfect match. Konitz also struck up the first of what were to be many significant European connections, touring the continent with the Austrian saxophonist Hans Koller and the Swedish saxophone player Lars Gullin. He drifted between playing and teaching when his studious avoidance of the musically obvious reduced his bookings, but he resumed working with Tristano and Marsh for some live dates in 1964, and played with the equally dedicated and serious Jim Hall, the thinking fan’s guitarist.

Konitz loved the duo format’s opportunities for intimate improvised conversation. Indifferent to commercial niceties, he delivered five versions of Alone Together on the 1967 album The Lee Konitz Duets, first exploring it unaccompanied and then with a variety of other halves including the vibraphonist Karl Berger. The saxophonist Joe Henderson and the trombonist Marshall Brown also found much common ground with Konitz in this setting. Konitz developed the idea on 1970s recordings with the pianist-bassist Red Mitchell and the pianist Hal Galper – fascinating exercises in linear melodic suppleness with the gently unobtrusive Galper; more harmonically taxing and wider-ranging sax adventures against Mitchell’s unbending chord frameworks.

Despite his interest in new departures, Konitz never entirely embraced the experimental avant garde, or rejected the lyrical possibilities of conventional tonality. But he became interested in the music of the pianist Paul Bley and his wife, the composer Carla Bley, and in 1987 participated in surprising experiments in totally free and non jazz-based improvisation with the British guitarist Derek Bailey and others.

Konitz also taught extensively – face to face, and via posted tapes to students around the world. Teaching was his refuge, and he often apparently preferred it to performance. In 1974 Konitz, working with Mitchell and the alto saxophonist Jackie McLean in Denmark, recorded a brilliant standards album, Jazz à Juan, with the pianist Martial Solal, the bassist Niels-Henning Orsted Pedersen and the drummer Daniel Humair. That year, too, Konitz released the captivating, unaccompanied Lone-Lee with its spare and logical improvising, and a fitfully free-funky exploration with Davis’s bass-drums team of Dave Holland and Jack DeJohnette.

In the 1980s, Konitz worked extensively with Solal and the pianist Michel Petrucciani, and made a fascinating album with a Swedish octet led by the pianist Lars Sjösten – in memory of the compositions of Gullin, some of which had originally been dedicated to Konitz from their collaborations in the 1950s. With the pianist Harold Danko, Konitz produced music of remarkable freshness, including the open, unpremeditated Wild As Springtime recorded in Glasgow in 1984. Sometimes performing as a duo, sometimes within quartets and quintets, the Konitz/Danko pairing was to become one of the most productive of Konitz’s musical relationships.

Still tirelessly revealing how much spontaneous material could be spun from the same tunes – Alone Together and George Russell’s Ezz-thetic were among his favourites – by the end of the 1980s Konitz was also broadening his options through the use of the soprano saxophone. His importance to European fans was confirmed in 1992 when he received the Danish Jazzpar prize. He spent the 1990s moving between conventional jazz, open-improvisation and cross-genre explorations, sometimes with chamber groups, string ensembles and full classical orchestras.

On a fine session in 1992 with players including the pianist Kenny Barron, Konitz confirmed how gracefully shapely yet completely free from romantic excess he could be on standards material. He worked with such comparably improv-devoted perfectionists as Paul Motian, Steve Swallow, John Abercrombie, Marc Johnson and Joey Baron late in that decade. In 2000 he showed how open to wider persuasions he remained when he joined the Axis String Quartet on a repertoire devoted to 20th-century French composers including Erik Satie, Claude Debussy and Maurice Ravel.

In 2002 Konitz headlined the London jazz festival, opening the show by inviting the audience to collectively hum a single note while he blew five absorbing minutes of typically airy, variously reluctant and impetuous alto sax variations over it. The early 21st century also heralded a prolific sequence of recordings – including Live at Birdland with the pianist Brad Mehldau and some structurally intricate genre-bending with the saxophonist Ohad Talmor’s unorthodox lineups.

Pianist Richie Beirach’s duet with Konitz - untypically playing the soprano instrument - on the impromptu Universal Lament was a casually exquisite highlight of Knowing Lee (2011), an album that also compellingly contrasted Konitz’s gauzy sax sound with Dave Liebman’s grittier one.

Konitz was co-founder of the leaderless quartet Enfants Terribles (with Baron, the guitarist Bill Frisell and the bassist Gary Peacock) and recorded the standards-morphing album Live at the Blue Note (2012), which included a mischievous fusion of Cole Porter’s What Is This Thing Called Love? and Subconscious-Lee, the famous Konitz original he had composed for the same chord sequence. First Meeting: Live in London Vol 1 (2013) captured Konitz’s improv set in 2010 with the pianist Dan Tepfer, bassist Michael Janisch and drummer Jeff Williams, and at 2015’s Cheltenham Jazz Festival, the old master both played and softly sang in company with an empathic younger pioneer, the trumpeter Dave Douglas. Late that year, the 88-year-old scattered some characteristically pungent sax propositions and a few quirky scat vocals into the path of Barron’s trio on Frescalalto (2017).

Cologne’s accomplished WDR Big Band also invited Konitz (a resident in the German city for some years) to record new arrangements of his and Tristano’s music, and in 2018 his performance with the Brandenburg State Orchestra of Prisma, Gunter Buhles’s concerto for alto saxophone and full orchestra, was released. In senior years as in youth, Konitz kept on confirming Wheeler’s view that he was never happier than when he didn’t know what was coming next.

Konitz was married twice; he is survived by two sons, Josh and Paul, and three daughters, Rebecca, Stephanie and Karen, three grandchildren and a great-grandchild.

• Lee Konitz, musician, born 13 October 1927; died 15 April 2020

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at http://justforbooks.tumblr.com

[skamamoroma]

You Are Not From Milan - Thoughts (Part 1)

So this one was always going to be a game changer and I’m sorry for taking a while to write my thoughts. I didn’t think people were too interested in more of my ramblings but then I got quite a few requests so here we are!

First off, I’m so grateful to those people who have helped shed light on what Nico might be experiencing and the illness he lives with. Education on this stuff is so important and I really found it so interesting to read about people’s experiences because only then can you really appreciate what the show is trying to do. Some of that information really did inform us and enabled so many of us to really understand Nico a little more and ESPECIALLY some of the moments in this clip... because yeah, Bessegato might be a bit arrogant etc (!) but nobody can deny that Skam Italia have worshipped Marti and Nico as characters (and others - especially Gio) and I feel the love for these characters in each clip and this one was absolutely no exception despite some of it being very difficult stuff.

This is long. I’m making myself clear right now because if you fall asleep mid way through or even before then, NOBODY could blame you, but some people asked for it so here it is! <3

First off, Bessegato with this cinematography. I love that we get a really poppy, upbeat song with the two of them on the train either kissing or taking selfies or both. It’s youthful and cute and fun to see them spending time together and doing pretty typical sweet stuff with one another. 

I think the main thing I felt when I watched the start of this clip was the comfort they have together. We’re straight off the back of Nico being upset, his mother behaving as she did, Marti being a little uncomfortable and Nico apologising and telling Marti he wants to sleep next to him. That broke my heart. The way he said it was so simple but said SO MUCH. When we were in his room with him and he was asking Marti to leave, you could hear two things so clearly: how much he DIDN’T want that to happen and also how much he desperately wanted comfort. I keep coming back to that because I didn’t feel that with Even. I felt different wants and desires from him but with Nico I just always get this overwhelming feeling that he needs comfort and someone to just SEE him and gather him up. When Rocco said his word was ‘vulnerability’ with Nico, it shows. A lot. 

So the fact that straight off the back of that comment from Nico, we have him being able to spend time with Marti with nobody else there is something we KNOW will be very special. 

And that’s the key thing. NOBODY ELSE THERE. This is Milan. Day and night time and the only other person we see during the entire clip, despite them being in the open, in a central location, is the lady introducing the flat. 

Now, I’ve said this before but I love Skam’s realism. It’s why I’m drawn to it so much. But I also love how Skam Italia has stuck close to realism but drawn a little more on the cinematic aspects. I’m down for that. I’ve adored it. This clip, for me, was by far the most cinematic and I’m kind of thrilled because I often feel like, to depict mental illness, things like camera angles, light, sound, shot length, cinematography tricks and metaphors are WONDERFUL. Something from the original (and the og had much less of a cinematic feel which worked perfectly for it) that I adored was the impact the scene changes were when Even was taking deep breaths and unable to sit still. Those breaths going straight into a black screen was genius and still gives me chills to this day. Those effects, you can say so so much with them and it seems they used that but in really subtle ways. It’s not really STARKLY obvious that nobody is around until you really think about it. 

We kind of have a first introduction into them being the Last Men on Earth.

The little kiss Marti gives Nico is a lovely book end moment to their scene outside the school, isn’t it? Marti feels a little more able to be open but again, THERE IS NOBODY AROUND. Not a soul. When I watched the clip again after realising nobody was visible, it changed it all for me. I actually got shivers because it was EXACTLY like Marti explained... if you’re the last person on earth - WHAT WOULD YOU DO. Possibilities are endless.

I loved the giddy teenage response to the fancy apartment. It was so sweet and that VIEW. The fact that Nico specifically asks for the skyscrapers was SO DAMN SWEET. Ah. It’s such a youthful thing to do - SHOW ME THE BIG BUILDINGS. Tbh I’m the same, I’m a sucker for a good view. 

I think it’s here we realise how expensive this must have been.... the apartment with THAT view. We know that Nico was, at this point, experiencing an episode due to his illness but what is so telling is that he chose to rent an apartment. That was his choice in that moment and he wanted a safe and quite space with Marti with pretty views. I mean. NICO. Romance runs in his veins. 

THE NOSE BOOP. So familiar, so bloody cute and so playful. This is NOTHING new to them but just confirms how they are together and they are LOVELY.

AND THEN THE CURTAINS. Now @only-in-dreamland wrote a pretty special post about the curtains that I LOVE. Go read it. When I watched this back I wondered what the point of including that was. It’s not really a throwaway comment, it’s said a couple of times and I think this wonderful post on the meaning could be pretty spot on because those curtains are so important later on. 

I loved the music in the background too. It’s whimsical, plinky plonky kind of music. It made the whole scene feel film-like, alongside that purple blue sky and the little lights from the cool buildings. Contrasted with the scene taking place, it made it a little disconcerting too because towards the end, you can see Marti’s not entirely sure how to behave because Nico is being pretty forward and a little different to how we’ve seen him before. 

AND THEN THE SCENE WHICH RENDERS ME SPEECHLESS. 

First off, that gorgeous moment of the two of them leaning on the balcony looking at their pretty view that’s all theirs.... it’s so child like with wonder but also so damn romantic. I love that Marti says they’ve been to one of the buildings opposite as it means they spent time together during the day. Knowing that is such a comfort. 

Nico looks so calm with Marti, really happy and very smiley as we know him to be so when Marti looks back and they just giggle... it’s a really beautiful moment. They are always happy to be together, always smiling. It’s like their trademark THING at this point. Marti just looks so smitten, so at ease and completely mesmerised by Nico. It’s almost dream-like again. 

And then we have the RED. Everything till this point is so BLUE. The sky, the buildings, Marti’s clothes (OF COURSE), the view.... and then there’s this BOLD RED and it’s also another of their things. This sharp change in colour which normally means a change in mood. 

This moment with the neon sign is one of my absolute favourites so far this whole season. 

First off, the music. From the RED PILL BLUES album. Come onnnnnnn! Perfect. The song is one I’d have NEVER considered but my god, it’s perfect. some of the lyrics “keep me connected to you” and “you wanna be reckless, restless right until tomorrow”.... but lastly “WHEN WE CLOSE THE CURTAINS”. God damn it. THOSE CURTAINS AGAIN.

Not to mention this song is sexy as hell. It’s just one of THOSE songs with that slow beat... amazinggggg song choice, I can’t even cope with how good it is. 

But then you have Nico asking Marti about the sign and there’s something so sweet about Marti’s “um, how?” and you can see Nico feels the same. He’s endlessly charmed by Marti but in this moment he chooses his own version. It’s like he wants the scene to be perfect, to be THEM and only them for this short period of time. It’s like a title to a tv show, like he’s making this time MARTI AND NICO and nobody else, so much so that it’s written all over the wall to make it clear. The way he does it though, the way he points and walks slowly and smiles and laughs a little at Marti’s confusion before catching him in a kiss... it’s so cinematic my heart couldn’t handle it but it’s that kind of overwhelming, bowl you over kind of sensual cinematic moment that has you swooning but the music makes it more than that, it’s actually intoxicating. I usually hate that work but god does it explain this scene. 

HOW ANYONE CAN COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS SCENE NOT BEING ENOUGH IS HONESTLY BEYOND ME. I’ve rarely seen a heterosexual love scene with intimacy like this nevermind a same sex couple. 

The slow kisses are completely perfect especially considering their happy bouncy kisses in the cabin. This is a ‘take your time’ kiss. Rocco and Fede floor me in this scene. Truly. Every moment is so full of LOVE and CONNECTION and it is almost difficult to watch because it feels very private. They’ve always had this instant easy kind of chemistry but this is a change from the cabin’s frantic kissing, this is soulful and full of touches that say so much without words....! They barely stop touching. The fact that they always touch each other’s faces is painfully sweet because it’s that awe and gentle sweetness they’ve shown time and time again. 

For Marti, it makes me so happy because this is what he deserves. He looks SO comfortable, so happy, so into every moment that it’s kind of breathtaking to see. I couldn’t help but feel so emotional for him because he’s getting the physical part of a relationship he has no doubt wanted but never known if it was possible for him... 

The “private dancer” moment is actually intimate as hell and crazy sexy with Nico helping Marti slide his clothes over his head. People cannot watch this and feel they’re being shortchanged in terms of depicting same sex love and intimacy because it is painfully intimate. 

Lets have a moment to appreciate Rocco’s insane and beautiful curly messy hair because it’s wild in this moment and such a lovely touch in comparison to Marti’s own hair. The shadow effects are absolutely stunning because you focus in on what is important and the detail is simply not necessary. 

AND THEN NICO KISSES MARTI’S HEART and my own heart hurt. We know Nico is a romantic. We know he adores Marti but god. GOD. He does it in such a way that it’s obvious he has chosen to kiss over Marti’s heart, he’s trying to say so much without saying it. 

There’s something they both have done since day one and that’s hold the other in place when they kiss and it makes me a bit emotional!!!! Marti does it quite a bit in this moment, keeps Nico close with his hands or guides him closer to him. Those details are what impress me so so much about Rocco and Fede’s acting. This is really really intense stuff to show, especially to do it well but they make it look absolutely real. I don’t question it for a second and I’m normally someone who is snapped out of scenes when acting is awry or something doesn’t sit right. Never with this season. Not once. 

Again with the smiling, the giddy blissed out smiles that are a Martino Rametta staple. His smile is so lovely and to see him happy is what we all want so all you want to do is keep that smile on his face! 

I ADORE the little moment when Marti is hovering over Nico and Nico’s finger drags along under his chin. It almost stopped my heart with how intimate a detail that was, how in love they seemed in that little moment alone. 

The last shot of this scene is so gorgeous that I KNEW, I knew watching it the first time that it was going to be the last time we saw them like that. I just had this awful sinking feeling seeing them slotted together to happy and lazy and cuddled together that it wasn’t going to last but what a truly gorgeous shot that was. Nico looked tranquil as hell and that’s why what happens afterwards is so painful for me and for us all because all of that intense comfort that Nico wanted and was seeking and that Marti loved... they didn’t get it. They didn’t get their time to sleep next to eachother. It was so SAD for me because that comfort is what I keep coming back to... life got in the way and stole that from them and I felt so unbeliavably sad. I KNOW they will get it. I am certain and I can’t wait to see that but, for now, my heart hurt so much. 

[another-chorus-girl]

Erik House - Chapter 15

Karimloo knocked softly on the door. But received no response.

"It's me," The Merik said, knocking a little louder. "Hello?"

Trying the knob, Karimloo found it unlocked. He entered and was startled at the site that met his brown eyes. The drapes were shut, but years underground allowed him to see with little ease in the darkness. 

Sheet music crumpled and incomplete was strewed about everywhere, 

Karimloo noted several wine bottles on the desk, all of them empty. His gaze softened seeing the figure laying on the floor.

Panaro's was passed out sitting up, his back propped against the side of the bed. His wig was gone, as was the mask. The few tuffs on his head were more untame and wild than the Broadway Merik's hair normally was. His face was contorted, his head shaking back and forth. Karimloo knew Panaro suffered from night terrors. The West End Merik did as well, but his had subsided much more than Panaro's had.

Kneeling down, he slowly reached over placing his hand on Panaro's shoulder with a gentle squeeze.

While gentle, the contact jolted Panaro awake as the Broadway Merik's eyes darted around before focusing on the masked man.

"K-Kari?" Panaro blinked, crawling away. "I....If you're here I shouldn't be. I'll leave."

"No!" Karimloo yanked him back down as Panaro tried to stagger to his feet. "Don't go..."

Panaro shrunk away, "Please, I don't want you to see me like this. Or at all, considering my behaviour."

Karimloo sat down with him, turning Panaro around to face him. "I was angry with you, part of me is still angry with you." Karimloo shook his head, "But learning from the past has shown me it's not healthy to dwell on mistakes."

Panaro covered his face with the palms of his hands.

"I don't deserve forgiveness. I betrayed you."

Pulling away his hands, Karimloo's replaced them, caressing the sides of his face. Panaro couldn't help but sigh feeling the West End Merik's fingers trace over both the unscathed and deformed halves of his face.

"I don't wish to shun you," Karimloo let a smile creep over his face. "How can I possibly do that to my angel?"

Panaro's swollen lips trembled, "Why? What are you saying?" 

Taking one of Panaro's hands in his, the West End Merik sang.

"Say you'll share with me, one love one lifetime."

"Lead me, save me from my solitude" Panaro joined in, feeling the strong safe grip on his hand. He almost didn't notice the ring Karimloo slipped on his finger with his free hand.

"Say you want me with you here, beside you."

Panaro's eyes widened. The ring was gold plated, similar to the one he wore on his pinky. It had a blend of white diamonds and onyx black gemstones encrusted in the band.

"That was why I went to see Sierra. I needed help settling on the right one." Karimloo answered. "If you'll accept it."

"A promise ring?"

Karimloo shook his head, "I should hope you know this is much more than that."

Propping himself up on one knee from his sitting position, Karimloo's almond brown eyes gazed into Panaro's.

"Anywhere you go, let me go too. Marry me, that's all I ask of you."

Panaro's hands were shaking, his eyes darting between Karimloo's and the engagement ring perfectly snug on his finger.

"Yes!" Panaro answered no louder than a whisper. His mouth agape, feeling absolutely numb as he felt the West End Merik's arms weave around him.

--

Gerik glumly tapped on the organ keys.

"Say, do you think you think you could help me with a project I'm working on?" Cherik asked, watching the white rat crawling up his arm. After several baths the redhead was quite surprised to say the least that her hair wasn't naturally brown. Receiving no answer he continued, "I've designed a little home for Polo, but I'm not so skilled with a scale so minuscule. Could I borrow your hands for this project? Monsieur Y's told me about your models."

"Sure, sounds fine." Gerik sighed.

He was in sulky slump, word on the second floor always travelled fast in the house. News of Karimloo and Panaro's engagement had already gotten out quick throughout the place. While Gerik knew his admiration from afar for Karimloo would never go any further than a one sided crush, it left a hole in his heart seeing the two joint at the hip again ever since they made up.

It was hard to concentrate. Gerik was suppose to meet Erik for another lesson, but the master of the house had to postpone due to an errand of significant importance. Mr. Y had left for a few days to pay visit to Anna and Gustauve. Now he was left alone with his sorrow filled thoughts.

Kerik slammed the book he was reading down on the sofa.

"This is enough! You've been playing the same single key for over twenty minutes!" The novelized man scowled. Pulling Gerik up from his seat by the ends of his suit jacket he dragged the film adapted man with him. "Come with me Gerry."

"I'm not in the mood tonight Kerik," He sighed.

"That's not what I was referring to. Though it could lead into that." Kerik smirked mumbling the last sentence.

"What then?" Gerik asked, still being up to the second floor and down to opposing man's quarters.

"You're going to just sit down and listen." Kerik patted his shoulder, as he cleared his throat. Despite what the others may have thought Kerik wasn't without a concience. He could care less about the Meriks, nothing was ever intimate or personal with the arrangement he made to any willing masked man in his bed. But something made him uneasy seeing Gerik in such a slump. And watching him watching Karimloo stirred a familiar pit of anger in his being.

But no. Kerik couldn't possibly be jealous of that attention. Right?

He was paying little mind to what was happening around him as he sang and hadn't registered the dazed look of awe and wonder in Gerik's blue eyes.

"How do you manage to do that?" He asked mesmerised by the beauty he had just heard. As if his mind were transported to a safer tranquil state of mind. 

Kerik shrugged, "My voice always has a way with people. Do you feel a little better at least?"

"I do...Thanks."

"Still not in the mood tonight?" Kerik asked, a whimsically musical tone to his voice. He felt a smirk pull at his thin lips, as he teasingly pulled at Gerik's dark red cravat.

"I....I guess I could change my mind..." Gerik mumbled feeling a hazy trance overcome him.

"Good, good."

--

"Now now Polo, slow down!" Cherik called, the rat scampered down the hallway. 

It came to an abrupt stop, it's beady eyes glancing up at Cherik as it ran around in circles before clawing at the adjacent wall. The rodent jingled as she scampered due to the tiny bell she wore.

The redhead smiled, "I think that's enough excitement for today my tiny dear."

But as he kneeled down to scoop up the rodent, he heard a soft click.

"Hm?" He hummed, as Polo's tail had snagged on some sort of tiny switch. A door opened where the wall once stood. While it was common knowledge that the house had upon many secret passages, they were all well maintained.

This passage however looked almost abandoned. Like the others it was dark, but even the main passages were albeit dimly lit. Large cobwebs as thick as drapery's were everywhere along the walls, Cherik felt a gusty chill in his bones coming from the passage. 

Placing Polo in his pocket, Cherik cautiously continued down the corridor. It just seemed like an empty corridor, but the redhead could swear he heard voices up ahead.

"I just don't understand it, my name shouldn't be thrown about like that. I'm not some lovesick fool. Nothing was wrong with what I did."

"Well there was the 'you were her father' thing-"

"That is not true!"

"It almost was?"

Cherik blinked, while he didn't necessarily recognise the voice, something felt strangely nostalgic and familiar about them.

Suddenly Cherik froze hearing Polo squirm in his pocket, her collar jingling.

His blue eyes widened looking up to see a lantern light fixed right on him.

"Who are-" The first voice said and paused. His eyes were met with that of an older man, his hair greying. He wore a suit and black cravat. He had on a fedora but unlike the Meriks his was larger, and his mask big and bulky concealed most of his face.

The man opposite him wore a complete mask, save for one eye that was exposed. His hair longer and more wild than the formers, but he too wore a similar black coat and necktie. 

"Wait do we know you?"

~In Susan Kay’s Phantom, Erik’s voice has a very hypnotic effect as seen in the very early chapters following Madeliene and also with Nadir when they hear him sing.

~And enter Erique Claudin (played by Claude Rains in the 1943 film) and Professor Petrie (played by Herbert Lom in the 1962 film)

~In the original cut Claudin was suppose to be Christine’s father, but at the last minute this was changed. 

[lachalaine]

❥ 💓 💘 💛 💚

Heart of Hearts ❤

❥: what is my muse’s ideal date?

so many people ended up asking about this one, i was so surprisedtbh hahah !! okay but honestly !! it was actually sort of hard to think of whather ideal date would be like because it’s not necessarily something she’sthought about too much, thus also meaning i haven’t really thought about it toomuch either. she’s really low maintenance that way. i can tell you what herideal date isn’t – which is anything close to resembling champagne and a placethat she has to wear heels and a dress. anything too rich and fancy makes herfeel uncomfortable, so staying away from that is a good bet. unless it’s like…a very, very special moment, but even then, she’d appreciate the moment more ifshe was somewhere where she felt free to be herself.

i guess specifically, jackie’s ideal date would be anythingfrom a night by the beach with a campfire, to a surprise trip out of town to ahot spring or a hotel, to even just a night on a cold rooftop watching thestars and the skyline glimmer in the distance. and i mean specifically arooftop – not a park; silly as it may be but that’s important. hell, she’lleven appreciate a bridge that she can sit on the railings of, to be honest,just so she can watch the moon shimmer over the water’s surface in a locationthat’s free from foot traffic.

now i say that because that sense of solitude is significantto her whilst on dates, because then she feels like she’s able to connect morewith the person she’s with, rather than being distracted by noise or otherpeople that can tend to make the moment feel a little less special. the moreattention you can give her without necessarily being distracted by someone elseis an A++ in her book.

if you’re planning on bringing a picnic of sorts, sheappreciates corn dogs, pizza and soda more than she appreciates strawberriesand cream. slurpies from 7-11 are the best. build a campfire on the beach withher where you can roast marshmallows, bring a thick blanket you both can cuddleunder, light up fireworks for her for a private show, or even just spoil her bykidnapping her for a weekend trip away to a place that’s meant to relax her,giving her a blissful moment in time that she doesn’t have to spend thinkingabout work.

because you know, she loves her job. but she loves it too much and that’s a problemtruthfully. anywho –

if you can give her a space where she feels most at peace toappreciate both the natural beauty of the world and appreciate every aspect ofthe person she’s enjoying it with, enough that she can get to know you on a deeperlevel than what most people are used to, you’ll very likely leave a lastingimpression that’ll keep you in her mind for days and weeks and most likelymonths.

honestly, she’ll just be really, really fucking happy.

💓: how does my muse feelabout physical intimacy?

claps a lot because i love this question !!

she loves physical intimacy !! the most tbh !! even if she—- doesn’t partake in it too much. like, she’s the type of person who lovesaffection. loves to give affection and loves to receive it. from holding handsto kissing to sex, she’s just ?? very pleased whenever she can get it from hersignificant other????? but as comfortable as she is with physical intimacy, she’salso very, very shy about being the one to start the first few kisses.

usually when she’s in the flirtation stage, she sort oftries to see how they’ll react to her small acts of affection. she’s shy aboutit though !! but she’ll like, do these little things like lace their pinkiestogether when they’re sitting next to each other, or knock her head againsttheir shoulder and sort of go for a hug. if they haven’t kissed yet, she’ll bea lot shyer with things, but once either of them have made the first move forthat part (honestly you probably have to kiss her first) it sort of unlocks everythingelse after that.

she’ll gets really, really affectionate after that, and willalways seem to want a kiss. she’ll be more comfortable being in close contactand even doing more intimate things (like sitting on his lap and stuff), willalways be really pleased when he gives her attention, but she won’t ever get tothe point where it gets really clingy like… overtly attached girlfriend style.sort of just like, she’ll always take notice of you when you’re around.

she’s also the type that when she sort of feels like she’scome to a comfortable part of the relationship with you, the sexual thoughtssort of……….. start……… like…… she’s actually like……. very sexually active whenshe’s in a relationship tbh ??? she won’t do anything unless she knows the otherone is ready but, like – i don’t know, her thoughts tend to go south kind ofquickly like she’s not like ‘i want roses and wine for my first time with thisguy’, she’s just ——– if there’s any real indication that the guy is sortof up for it (given she’s at that stage where she’s comfortable with him andhas thought of it herself – and trust me, you will know) she’ll just……………………. sortof indicate that she’s ready to and just……………………………………go for it.

so basically, very comfortable with anything physical. justshy. at first. not after.

💘: how does my museact/react when they first realize that they had a crush on somebody?

usually her first thought is always going to be ‘oh fuck’,to be honest.

but as far as her first reaction goes, she tends to deny it.some serious and hardcore ‘oh my god, stop acting like this, he’s just beingnice to me, stop acting like an idiot, you’re just friends’ denial. usually hercrushes start pretty small, and they always only ever seriously develop on peopleshe would consider friends so she doesn’t even recognize it when it does start– which is what creates the brunt of her problems – because most often italways only ever begins as interest in the guy as a person, and that’s all shetends to think it is for the rest of the time that she’s with them. she mightsometimes be attracted to someone based on their physical attributes, but thosecrushes are very, very quick to fade, so it’s easy for her to relegate thosethoughts to the back of her mind; enough that she doesn’t really think about ituntil her crush is at its peak.

from that point on, her thoughts just sort of tend to go ‘uhoh’, and she begins the process of relegating her sorry ass to the‘friendzone’, even if the guy has shown some small amount of interest in herbefore. literally, she will plop herself in that corner and pretend nothing is happening. she will do herbest to avoid thinking about them, do her best to avoid being in physicalcontact with them, sometimes even try to deflect any of her obvious signs of acrush by pointing them in another girl’s direction. or even finding ways not tobe around them, if she feels like her attraction is getting out of hand and sheknows it will only cause problems for her if she were to show it.

she will do her best to act completely and utterly normalwhenever possible at first, only just possibly be a hell of a lot more absentas she tries to come to terms with it.

💛: does my muse believein love-at-first-sight? in soulmates? in fate?

no, not after her last relationship she doesn’t. jackie hashad that ‘love at first sight’ sort of attraction before, and it had turned outvery badly for her.

in cases like that, she tends to consider those moments asmore pure infatuation than she does believe it to be anything remotely likelove. she still somewhat believes in soulmates and somewhat still believes infate as well, but only to a point, and never really in accordance with anythinglike romance.

more like… she wantsto believe those concepts still exist, however she’s also seen the dark side ofit and adamantly refuses to allow herself to be thrown under that rock againjust because she was tugged along by the childish fantasy that she was meant to meet a certain someone. that love was ever truly that easy.

she tends to believe more in her first-hand knowledge thatit will never actually be that simple. it’s not suddenly meeting someone andthinking that you’re absolutely compatible in every single way. it’s not evergoing to be uncomplicated, it’s not ever going to not be difficult. it’s notgoing to be a fairytale, and he’s never going to be your perfect prince, justlike she’s never going to be his perfect princess. it’s not ever going to be ahappily ever after, just because something as whimsical as fate decided it would be.

to her, true love takes work. it takes effort that goes farbeyond just a chance meeting. and if she ever does allow herself to trust inthose ideals again, it will be because whoever she has truly fallen in lovewith would have taught her that those concepts could actually exist – for allthe right reasons that she’d missed the first time around.

💚: how does my muse feelabout love? about falling in love? about being in love?

she’s terrified of love. whether platonic or romantic, themere thought of it is usually enough to send her running for the hills andcontemplate getting an identity change and moving to mexico. the only reason ithasn’t yet is because she sort oftends to fool herself into thinking that the love people feel for her isn’tthat deep, that they couldn’t seriously care about her that much – until sherealizes that they actually do, and suddenly she cares about them just as much,and now she just can’t force herself to leave anymore and pretend none of itmatters.

deep down beneath all those layers of fear, she doesactually want to be in love. she wants to be that close to someone again, to beable to free herself of all the things holding her back, to be able to letherself trust and give someone that part of her that she’s truly terrified ofletting anyone have control over again. mostly because she knows how badlyswayed she is by love, how truly blinded she is when she gets to that stage,that she ends up giving up whole parts of herself in the process withoutmeaning to. even if… their own feelings for her don’t resonate with them asstrongly as her own do.

falling in love sort of makes her feel torn, between runningaway and letting herself stay to see how it all pans out. the truth is, even ifshe tells herself she’s not that desperate for affection anymore, she kind ofstill is. enough that she’s willing to risk putting her trust in whoever it isher heart can’t seem to let go of, if she wantsthem badly enough. it would depend on how they made her feel, how they’dmanage to convince her that they truly cared for her, and if she felt like shecould trust them to love her back as completely as she did them.

being in love feels like a dream, but not one she’s confidentshe’ll ever truly have. she’s sort of written that thought away, and that’s whyshe’s thrown all of herself into her career instead. that’s why she doesn’t think about love so much, and why it catches her off guard when it arrives. because for her to becompletely in love with someone, she has to be able to show them the parts ofher that are bad and not at all perfect, and they have to be able to accept it andnot throw her away for it. and if in case those parts are actually verytroublesome and detrimental to her own well being, that they do try to change it mostlybecause they want her to be better for herself.because they honestly truly care about her and want her to be okay, and notjust because they just couldn’t handle it,or they didn’t want it, or justbecause they thought it was just ‘toomuch work to deal with’ thereby forcing her to pretend it doesn’t exist. she’s willing to work on herself, but she needs that support, that guidance - that knowledge that even if it takes a while for her to get there, that they won’t grow to hate her for not being perfect. that they won’t abandon her when the going gets too rough. 

if she’s going to allow herself to be in love withsomeone again, she has to be able to grow in the relationship – to learn how to be good for both herself,and for the man she’s in love with, so they can accept her for herself as she is and who she could be, and not because they just want her to be entirely someone else.

// @luseron

[adiosesmeralda-blog]

( All the even numbers for the cd question meme. )

2. How much physical space do they use, active and at rest?


She is very expressive. She respects personal space so she tries not to intrude on someone’s space, but if allowed she will be all over the place. She’s restless and overly animated, both at rest and active.


4. What is their size and build? How does it influence how they use their body, if it does?


She is small and athletic. For her job she uses this to her advantage. She does the majority of her own stunts and enjoys being able to achieve these things with little to no help from a double.

6. What are they like in motion–in different environments, and in different activities? What causes the differences between these?


She is overly animated. She talks with her hands and moves around a lot. Depending on where she’s at or who she’s around, is how she’ll gauge how to act. If she’s around people she’s not very familiar with she will be less over the top, but she can be very extra™ around close friends.

8. Where and when do they seem most and least at ease? Why? How can you tell?


She’s the most at ease in a familiar setting. She doesn’t mind being thrown into new situations but you can tell that she gets a little apprehensive before she adapts. You’ll notice the changes in her behavior, she’ll get a little quieter than usual and keep to herself unless acknowledged.

10. What energizes and drains them most?


People. The answer to both is people. She’s always been used to be around large groups of people. She’s accustomed to meeting new people, but too much of it over stimulated her and she tends to become overwhelmed.


12. How are they bodily expressive? How do they use nonverbal cues such as their posture, stance, eyes, eyebrows, mouths, and hands?

Very much. Esmeralda talks with her hands and looks like she walked out of a cartoon series with her facial expressions. You can definitely see what she’s feeling or thinking on her face. She’s very much an open book if you study her body language and facial cues.

14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed?

She cares a lot about her loved ones. She’s constantly looking out. Esmeralda attaches quickly to people and that is both a blessing and a curse. She is loyal to a fault and has difficulties with letting people go when it’s time, but she’s been working on it. Despite wanting to break the mold, she’s very by the book. She was raised in an old fashioned setting and surrounded by family. Regardless of there being moments of toxic love in her family home life, she remains by their side. It is in her blood to stick to them and love them through thick and thin. Esmeralda is very passionate about acting and the arts in general. When she’s not busy working she spends her time reading and drawing/painting. She also competes in beauty pageants from time to time.As far as faith and spirituality, she was raised catholic. When she was younger she attended Sunday school without fail and completed all of her holy sacraments (sans marriage). She believes in God and appreciates the value of religion but doesn’t practice it in a way that would make her a model catholic. Her grandmother and mother are into Santeria, a witchcraft that is a big part of her Hispanic culture. Her grandmother practices spells and incantations, as well as reads tarot cards. This is something that Esmeralda was exposed to at a young age so she has an interest in it. The interest has cultivated into her learning the tarot and studying palmistry.

16. Do they dream? What are those dreams like?


Her dreams are random and sporadic. She doesn’t have them every night and it usually depends on her mental state. When she’s in a good place they’re very whimsical and full of fantasy. When she’s anxious they are usually variations of situations that tie into the bigger picture of what’s bothering her.

18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why?

As far as it goes, she’s heading towards a successful path. She has recently left an ex boyfriend because things just got to be too much with where they were both heading. The relationship became strained beyond repair and she felt it was best for them both to leave. I think with this in mind, if she keeps focusing on herself she’ll get far in her acting achievements and in her long term life goals. She could fall back, an unlikely decision, but that would result in the halt of her dreams for a domestic home life.

20. What kind of individual relationships do they have with others, and how do they behave in them? How are they different between intimate relationships like friends, family, and lovers versus more impersonal relationships?


She’s loyal and attached. She will do anything for her friends and family. When it comes to impersonal relationships, on the surface she treats everyone the same, but if you’re a close friend of hers or family, you’ll know because when you ask her to jump, without missing a beat she’d respond with “how high?”

22. How do people respond to them, and why might these responses differ?


Most people tend to like her. She’s very open and welcoming. But again, you either like her or you don’t. And when people aren’t fans of her sarcastic wit, she tends to shrug it off and keep going. Though, she is never rude unless it’s called for.

24. How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference?


Even though Esmeralda is an introvert, she is often times mistaken for an extrovert. She’s very socially open and amicable towards others. However, it still exhausts her and after a while she needs to retreat back into herself.

26. How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does?

She loves with all of her heart. It’s unfortunate when things don’t turn out right, she ends up hurt. This can vary from romantic to platonic relationships, she sees no difference in them. She still unconditionally loves, fully. When they don’t go well she falls into a bit of sadness for a while before coming back into the real world.

28. What are they likely to do if they have the opportunity, resources, and time to accomplish it? Why?

Accomplish what? THIS WAS PROB TIED TO THE PREVIOUS QUESTION AND I AM NOT GOING BACK TO LOOK AT IT.

30. What is their preferred level of activity and stimulation? How do they cope if they get either too little or too much?


She likes a happy medium. Not to much, not too little. Growing up she was always surrounded by family coming over. Her cousins spent weeks at the house, she had very little personal space time. Which is something she’s been enjoying now. Having people crammed into her space when she needs it makes her grouchy and when she’s gone too long without any sort of interaction, she starts getting a little depressed.

32. Do they have any “props” that are a significant part of their life, identity, activities, or self-presentation somehow? What are they, how are they used, and why are they so significant? How would these props’ absence impact them, how would they compensate, and why?

One material object that means a lot to her and she doesn’t go anywhere without it. As childish as it may seem, Esmeralda has a stuffed Minnie Mouse that she has had since she was two. It goes E V E R Y W H E R E with her. She sleeps with it and has always been her favorite companion. It’s her comfort object and the one thing that turns anywhere she says into home. She’s had to go without Minnie before and it is awful. She doesn’t sleep well without her. Not having it with her results in restlessness and discomfort.


34. How do they understand the world–what kind of worldview and thought processes do they have? Why?


I think that for the most part she sees the world as black and white with very few colors in between. You’re either good or bad in her book. A lot of this has to do with her traditional upbringing. Sometimes she’ll catch herself thinking this way and she’ll start to wonder if there’s a reason that someone is doing a certain thing, she’ll try to dissect the grey area in the actions of others.

36. How much do they rely on their minds and intellect, versus other approaches like relying on instinct, intuition, faith and spirituality, or emotions? What is their opinion on this?


She is a very emotional person. It’s less likely for her to react logically than it is for her to lash out on pure emotion. More often than not, she lets things sit and waits until her gut, or intuition, points her in the right direction. She doesn’t think much of it, but sometimes acting on pure feeling gets her into trouble.

38. Is there anything they wish they could change about their worldview or thought processes? What, and why?

She’d probably want to be a little bit more on the logical side for some things. Acting out on raw emotion isn’t always the best way to go and she has learned this.

40. What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is?




She wonders a lot about life and death, life after death. It’s not necessarily positive thoughts and she more than likely will not want to talk to people about it. It causes her a lot of grief and makes her fall into a pit of anxiety after being alone with her thoughts on this. Definitely would not make this a conversation topic with her.

[lalka-laski]

Another Day, Another Dollar (and a survey to pass the time)

Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? I collect kitschy mugs, most of which were souvenirs or gifts (for example, my sister’s boyfriend got me a mug with the ENTIRE script of Shrek printed on it. Amazing lol!). But I also love pretty teacups and I have several scattered around my apartment as decor. I even have this BEAUTIFUL tea set, hand-made and painted in Poland, that I’ve been meaning to display.  Bubblegum or cotton candy? If we’re talking flavoring, then NEITHER! The idea alone of bubblegum or cotton-candy flavored shit makes me gag.  How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was quiet and not very social, but an exceptional student. I spent most of my free time reading books or writing my own stories. Pretty much an elementary teacher’s dream student!

Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? My top choice across the board would be a cup with a straw. But I LOVE regular Coca-Cola from a can. It tastes so much better than Coke from a bottle or fountain machine for some reason. It’s sweeter and smoother with less of that painful carbonated burn.  Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds, just because headphones make me look like a dork. 

Movies or TV? TV shows are easier to fade in and out of, which is my preferred means of watching something.  Favorite smell in the summer? SUNSCREEN! It’s such a distinct and familiar smell that’s contained to only a teeny sliver of the year. I love smells like that.  Game you were best at in P.E./gym? It’s not a game but I was weirdly good at rock-climbing when we did that unit in high school?  What do you have for breakfast on an average day? Nothing. I love breakfast food, just not at breakfast time.  Name of your favorite playlist? I have this one playlist whose title is simply the sparkle/star emoji (creative, I know). It’s a lot of vibey, atmospheric jams that are the perfect soundtrack when I have people over just chilling and drinking.  Lanyard or key ring? Keyring, but a lanyard might make my life easier.  Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sourpatch Kids or any other type of sour gummy.  Favorite book you had to read for school? Dude. I was an English nerd who later became an English major and at one point in the semester was averaging 2 novels a week. I could never pick a sole favorite from all my years in school and I’d struggle to even pick a favorite from each class. But for the sake of this question I’m gonna rattle off a few that come to mind. From middle school through high school I loved The Outsiders, The Westing Game, TKAM, anything by Steinbeck, Jane Eyre, The Poisonwood Bible, The Virgin Suicides. 

AAAAAND I just started mentally listing my favorite books from college but got too overwhelmed. So I’m moving on to the next question now, thx!

Most comfortable position to sit in? Uh, I’ve never put much thought into that. 

Most frequently worn pair of shoes? It depends on the season. And to be honest, I’d rather go barefoot whenever possible.  Ideal weather? A little cool but sunny. I do love the rain but it hinders plans (and hair & makeup!) so I lean more towards sunny, dry days.  Pencils or pens? PENS ONLY. Pencils gross me out.  Obsession from childhood? Most of my childhood obsessions have carried over into adulthood: whimsical fairy tales and princesses (specifically Sleeping Beauty), the color pink, collecting diaries & journals...  Favorite crystal? Rose quartz, if that counts?  Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Swimming or laying by the pool/under a tree with a good book. And of course, I love me some day drinking on a summer day! Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Staying cozy inside, also with a good book and a good drink. See a theme here?  Five songs to describe you? Thursday’s Child- David Bowie She Talks to Angels- The Black Crowes Paradise- Coldplay Never Get You Right- Brandon Flowers Silver Lining- David Gray

Best way for someone to bond with you? Music and literature are my favorite ways to connect with a person. There’s nothing more intimate (and I mean that both in a romantic and platonic sense) than listening to a song or reading a poem/passage with someone and then discussing what it means to you.  Top 5 favorite Vines? I have many! “Road work ahead” is of course a fave. And there are so many more that I can’t think of right now.  Ads you have stuck in your head? None atm

Average time you fall asleep? Depends entirely on the night  What is the first meme you remember seeing? Yikes, I can’t remember. I’m sure it involved a cat?  Suitcase, duffel bag, or backpack? Suitcase with wheels  Lemonade or tea? Lemonade is my favorite non-alcoholic drink ever. I even named my childhood teddy bear “Lemonade.”  Last person you texted? Glenn  Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets, I never carry things in pants pockets. Favorite type of jacket? Jackets are my favorite item of clothing, so I’m a hoarder of cute jackets, blazers & coats!  Favorite scent for soap? Lavender & cedarwood from Bath & Body Works.  Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? I don’t care much for either.  What clothes do you sleep in? Usually just a comfy tee shirt  Favorite type of cheese? Extra extra sharp cheddar (preferably white). So sharp it makes your jaw tingle!  What saying or quote do you live by? I’m trying to ask myself lately “What can I learn from this?” or “What can this offer me?”  What are you currently stressed about? For the most part, I’m in a good place. I feel aligned and centered and a HELL of a lot better than I’ve ever felt. My biggest struggles currently are related to body image, envy & self-worth, which is a lifelong battle for most, no?  Favorite font? Cabria or something like that?  What did you learn from your first job? Speaking up for yourself is difficult but it’s one of life’s necessary evils  Favorite fairy tale? Sleeping Beauty, of course! It’s an obsession.  Favorite tradition? That’s a difficult question because I’m SUPER sentimental and I have tons of personal & family traditions.  Talent you’re proud of having? Empathy

If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? "Stop it!” exclaimed in disbelief or surprise.  If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? I have no clue Character you relate to? Elle Woods (on my best days).  Favorite website from your childhood? I loved gurl.com and Alloy. I just checked to see if either still exist.... gurl now links to Seventeen (another favorite in my teen years) and Alloy links to Youtube? Odd.  Any scars? A very faint one. Actually it may not even be there anymore.  Favorite flower? Chrysanthemum  Any good luck charms? Like I said, I’m a very sentimental person. So I have several!  Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Well a question from earlier in the survey reminded me how much I ABHOR bubblegum or cotton candy flavored things. I’m also very picky about lemon. I love lemonade or lemon candies, but can’t stand the flavor in desserts or savory  dishes. So maybe I just like artificial lemon flavor?  Left or right handed? I’m right handed but always wished I was left-handed just because I thought it was cool.  Least favorite pattern? None come to mind immediately  Worst subject in school? Math of any sort. Chemistry was also wicked hard for me.  Favorite weird flavor combo? I don’t think anything I eat is that weird or abnormal  When did you lose your first tooth? No clue Favorite potato food? Hashbrown patties or curly fries. Not a huge fan of regular french fries, although that doesn’t stop me from eating them whenever the opportunity presents itself...  Gas station coffee or grocery store sushi? Weird options. But I don’t eat sushi and I actually love gas station coffee so there’s a clear winner here. 

Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones Do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? Fireflies

PC or console gaming? I don’t game

Writing or drawing? Writing Podcasts or talk radio? Podcast, I suppose. But I rarely find podcasts I enjoy. Most of the time it just seems like a person who likes the sound of their own voice rambling, or two or more people having a conversation that doesn’t need an audience.  Barbie or Polly Pocket? Barbie but Polly Pocket was still that bitch

Fairy tales or mythology? I’m partial to fairy tales but that doesn’t mean I find mythology any less fascinating. 

Cookies or cupcakes? Cookies all day Your greatest fear? Death or losing a loved one Your greatest wish? To find inner peace and happiness, to live a long life with my loved ones Who would you put before everyone else? My loved ones^ Wow I’ve used that phrases a lot in these past few questions.  Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights!!  Nicknames? Lil Bit/Libit, Lala, Enebis, Lala, Liz, Lizzie, Ela.  The name “Elizabeth” lends itself to a hell of a lot of nicknames haha!  Favorite season? Fall, probably. But I’ve grown to love Spring too as I’ve gotten older. Which is weird because it was always my least favorite growing up. I used to find it depressing but now I think it’s inspiring.  Favorite app on your phone? Snapchat probably  What is your desktop background? I’m on a work computer right now so it’s just our company logo How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Uhh.... very few.

[alwayssummerblog]

Kacey Musgraves & Ruston Kelly - Romance Review

Kacey Musgraves has had one hell of a year! Not only has the country sensation toured with Harry Styles, but her fourth studio album Golden Hour has received high praise from both fans and critics alike, along with multiple nominations across several award shows. To top it all off, Musgraves is celebrating her first anniversary being married to fellow artist, Ruston Kelly on October 14!

Having the benefit of getting to watch some of their love story play out in public, it’s safe to say that as Kacey and Ruston were falling for each other, we were falling for them as well. And, even luckier for us, the couple has been generous enough to let us into some of their more personal moments, from the story of how they met to their stunning fall Tennessee woodland wedding. With their one-year wedding anniversary right on the horizon, we’re celebrating a year of Kacey & Ruston Kelly with a brief timeline of their romance. Here’s to the everlasting union of two of music’s brightest songbirds!

A Chance Meeting

As it seems to always go, the country starlet wasn’t “looking to date” when she met her future husband. “I decided to go to the Bluebird one night for a writers’ round, which I never do because it’s so touristy,” she recounts in a July 2018 interview with Hits Daily Double. Note for the non-Nashvillians, the Bluebird Café is a legendary club famous for its’ remarkable writers rounds. “I didn’t go with anyone, and I was sitting by myself at a table. Ruston played his first song, and I was just stunned by everything in it—the words, the melody, what he was saying. I was just sitting at this table, crying.” 

In another uncharacteristic move for her, Musgraves was compelled to introduce herself to him, “Hey, I don’t really ever do this, but here’s my number; I really wanna write with you.” Flash forward from their March 2016 meeting to the date they had finally nailed down for a write, May 11. A fateful day indeed, the songwriter explains their first “date” with only the beauty and imagery she could. “The second Ruston walked into my house, I felt like Dorothy when the colorized part happens in The Wizard of Oz. We didn’t even write a song. We just talked, and talked, and talked. He didn’t leave until like 3am. It was the easiest, most natural thing in the world—and I didn’t want it to stop.”

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I NEVER KNEW LOVE COULD BE THIS FUN (Photos by @kellychristinesutton, of course!)

A post shared by K A C E Y M U S G R A V E S (@spaceykacey) on Dec 25, 2016 at 7:19am PST

“I NEVER KNEW LOVE COULD BE THIS FUN”

Once the two found each other, they never looked back. Only months after meeting, they knew they had found a home in one another, illustrated by the caption on a photo Kacey posted of the two in July, relatively early in their relationship, “with all the craziness that is plaguing the world it feels nice to have a little bit of quiet land to come home to and rest my heart.” 

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with all the craziness that is plaguing the world it feels nice to have a little bit of quiet land to come home to and rest my heart.

A post shared by K A C E Y M U S G R A V E S (@spaceykacey) on Jul 7, 2016 at 9:34pm PDT

The newfound stability fostered incredible works of art. Known for writing stories from others perspectives, Kacey was asked if her husband had any impact on the deviation from her typical style on latest album Golden Hour. She responded, “I'm living in a much more positive light now. It’s maybe opened my heart a little. And I realized maybe I’ve been a little over-[self] protected. Maybe I can let loose a little more, trust more in the songs, what I have at home and out here.” Needless to say, it wasn’t long before Kelly popped the big question, in an incredibly thoughtful and sweet display in her childhood bedroom, surrounded by loved ones, during Christmas break. The caption of an Instagram photo Musgraves posted of her brand new engagement ring says it all, “I didn't say yes...I said HELL YESSSS!! Last night, the best man I've ever met got down on one knee in my little pink childhood home, in the same room I played with my ponies and barbies and asked me the easiest question I've ever been asked. ❤I finally know what everyone means when they say "you just know”.

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I didn't say yes...I said HELL YESSSS!! Last night, the best man I've ever met got down on one knee in my little pink childhood home..in the same room I played with my ponies and barbies and asked me the easiest question I've ever been asked. ❤ I finally know what everyone means when they say "you just know".

A post shared by K A C E Y M U S G R A V E S (@spaceykacey) on Dec 25, 2016 at 7:16am PST

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We had just been at my parent's house randomly having a night of watching bittersweet old home tapes of all these beautiful family memories that were made in this little, old country house I grew up in that I now have. We came back to that house afterwards and he had somehow pulled off having my sister + brother in-law sneak off and completely decorate my childhood bedroom in the most nostalgic and perfect Christmas decorations. I was bewildered and confused when I saw it all and turned around and the song "Two For The Road" by Henry Mancini started playing (this song is so emotional and sweet..it's one of my favorites..you have to go listen) and he was on his knee with a baby pink velvet ring box and the sparkliest thing I've ever seen! 💖Then my sister busted in and captured it all with her camera. It was so beyond special. Of all the places in the world I've gotten to see, nowhere could mean more than this happening in tiny Golden, Texas in the house that completely made me who I am.

A post shared by K A C E Y M U S G R A V E S (@spaceykacey) on Dec 25, 2016 at 7:38am PST

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Perfection 💍😭💕 Thank you, my love.

A post shared by K A C E Y M U S G R A V E S (@spaceykacey) on Dec 25, 2016 at 12:26pm PST

Woodland Wedding

Their wedding was reflective of the couple itself, intimate, family-oriented, and anchored by nature. In her own words, the bride recalled, “Saturday, in a sacred place where two rivers meet and join together, I married my best friend, barefoot and surrounded by the deepest kind of magic and love that exists. I've never felt so tranquil and happy. We made our promises to each other under the trees and then drank and danced into the night. We couldn't have done any of it without the help of our wonderful families and amazing friends.” The groom added that it embodied, “The best kind of magic. Best day of my life.”

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Saturday, in a sacred place where two rivers meet and join together, I married my best friend..barefoot and surrounded by the deepest kind of magic and love that exists. I've never felt so tranquil and happy. We made our promises to each other under the trees and then drank and danced into the night. We couldn't have done any of it without the help of our wonderful families and amazing friends. PHOTO BY @nbarrettphoto ............................. [extra massive thanks to Melissa and @evan_tate of @photowagontx + @bowsandarrowsflowers and crew for coordinating/planning/florals/styling and making everything a reality + @jbamn for the funny, personal and beautiful officiating, @peytonfrank, @allikdesign @unclecarl13 @leeuwnashville @thekindcake @indahevents @silveroakcellars Hair/Makeup by @carlenekmakeup + Ali at @thedryhousenashville We love y'all!] ❤️More to come.

A post shared by K A C E Y M U S G R A V E S (@spaceykacey) on Oct 17, 2017 at 7:30am PDT

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The best kind of magic. Best day of my life. 📷: @nbarrettphoto

A post shared by RUSTON KELLY (@rustonkelly) on Oct 17, 2017 at 7:30am PDT

The photographs show the whimsical wedding we dreamed that Kacey Musgraves would have. Complete with bio-degradable confetti, a photo trailer, and a grassy aisle, the small gathering had less than 100 guests and only one bridesmaid and groomsman, their sister and brother respectively. Our favorite feature? The photos of family members that adorned the wall above the guest book table. See some of the beauty for yourself in these photos posted on Marth Stuart Weddings HERE.

The Release of Golden Hour

In the same thought from the Hits Daily Double interview quoted earlier, the artist elaborates on how meeting the love of her life changed her entirely, and therefore her music. “I’ve never had love songs or relationship songs. I write about other things, other people’s stories or perspectives. When you’re with someone you truly love to the core and they feel that way about you, there’s no sense of panic—or that it’s going to come apart.” All one would have to do is listen to the album in its entity to hear all the impact Ruston has had on its’ creator. Later, she reiterates, “I love love. So much I’ve never expressed it inwardly in the songs. Now that I’m with someone who loves me no matter what my flaws are, it’s a whole other thing. And you see it even more clearly.” 

That support from Ruston radiates, ahead of Golden Hour’s release he told his Instagram followers, “There is nothing more attractive than someone continually striving to master their craft. Allowing your creative output to evolve synonymously with who and where you are in your life is essential to the artist who gives a shit about the quality of their platform. But when surrounded by a popular musical climate that encourages complacency and awards the mediocre, it is truly a brave feat. Ever the does-what-she-fucking-wants creative woman, she knows what’s up. As a comrade, I strongly champion this new wonderful work.” Talk about a supportive spouse!

Collaborating on “To June, This Morning”

The newlyweds had the opportunity to participate in an homage to icon Johnny Cash through a project titled, Forever Words. Kelly once posted on his Instagram sharing with his followers, “Last night [Kacey] and I sang "To June, This Morning," a poem written by Johnny Cash in 1970. I had started to put music to this 12 years ago and forgot about it. Kacey and I revisited it recently and finished it in like 6 seconds. Finding the love of your life can make words like that come alive. It will be released on the upcoming "Forever Words" project featuring several artists singing Johnny Cash poems. We feel um VERY LUCKY.” 

In an incredible interview with Rolling Stone Country, the only son of Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash expressed his appreciation that Kelly brought the song to his attention, according to the interview “having seen it himself in a memorabilia book while he was a teenager.” He goes further to comment, “Here’s a young couple running parallel lives with where my mother and father were. In that vibrant, excited point where there is all that hope.” And that there is plenty of, just watch the video they released to accompany the music, the two are full of love for each other.

The Release of Dying Star

6 months following his new wife’s fourth studio album release, Ruston Kelly celebrated the September 7 release of his debut album, Dying Star. And like his wife, finding the love of his life had a monumental impact on him as an artist and his craft, and discussed this earlier this year in an interview with Sounds Like Nashville, “She really helped me pick up some of those pieces and remind me that what I’m doing is important and to understand what I need to do to pick myself back up.” He calls her “that classic receptive feminine force in a man’s life.” Adding that they bonded over “talking about art and music and also doing things the way you were meant to do them and not being apologetic whatsoever about it.”

Now that doesn’t surprise us.

While we’re only able to highlight a few of the major public moments from this power couple, we know there are countless we’ve missed and even more to come. We patiently await the numerous artistic benefits the union of two super-songwriters brings. With both artists busy promoting their latest releases, they are forced to spend most of that time apart, something they understood from the start. Kacey is currently out on her Oh What a World Tour, spanning Norway to the UK before traversing the US. 

As for Kelly? He’s playing a number of fun festivals and shows over the coming months, some tickets to which are available HERE. 

We’d like to congratulate one of our favorite country music couples one last time on a blissful first year of marriage, and toast many more to come. Please, do continue keep us in the loop!

[gardencityvegans]

Weekend Reading, 10.15.17

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When people ask me why I’m vegan, the simplest answer I can give—and the one that I most often do give these days—is that veganism is my practice and expression of ahimsa. Ahimsa is an animating principle in several Eastern religions, including Jainism, Hinduism, and Buddhism. Sometimes it’s translated as nonviolence, sometimes as “doing no harm.” It’s often simply translated to “compassion.”

Compassion is a central value in my life, something I aspire to access and practice even when it isn’t easy. Lately I’ve come to think that it matters to me precisely because it has taken me a long time to cultivate.

I don’t mean that I’ve behaved routinely without compassion in the past—at least, I hope I haven’t. My mother taught me at a young age to “walk a mile in another’s shoes,” and encouraged me to see things from other peoples’ points of view whenever I could. If I couldn’t, she said, I could at least make myself aware that the other person had a point of view, one that was separate from mine, yet equally true. Whenever I hear the famous saying of “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle,” I think about my mom and her words.

Even so, my tendency as a young person was toward rigidity and hard lines. I was quick to make judgments about what was good or bad, right or wrong. And I was never more judgmental than when I was judging myself. It pains me to look back on how unforgiving I was with myself through my teens and twenties; not just anorexia and cutting, which were the obvious physical/behavioral manifestations of this harshness, but also the impossible standards I held myself to, and the mercilessly punishing thoughts I let loose on myself when I inevitably didn’t measure up.

Recovery from perfectionism is a story that many women I know can relate to; it’s a journey that I observe many friends going through as we all get a little older and wiser. But it’s really only recently that I’ve realized how my punitive self-treatment prevented me from approaching others with compassion.

I’ve often heard it said that it’s impossible to extend compassion to other people when you’re incessantly preoccupied with judging and censuring yourself. Self-forgiveness and self-love foster empathy; when we’ve done the hard work of learning how to cut ourselves some slack, we’re more able to meet other people where they are.

Lately, and really for the first time, I’ve been practicing self-compassion. It isn’t something I mastered through trying; it’s something that happened to me, out of necessity. So much of the identity I used to take pride in has been stripped away in the last five or so years, leaving me in a position of having to accept what’s still here. And depression has been real and poignant enough recently that I can’t help become more gentle with myself; it felt less like a conscious loosening of expectations than a matter of survival.

The wisdom is true: the better friend I am to myself, the deeper my love for other people becomes. I’m so much gentler and more humorous and caring these days than I ever have been, not only in my behavior but also in how I feel. There’s a softness I’m carrying around, a sense of heart, and a humility that I just didn’t have before. I look back on my uncompromising younger self with affection, but I’m so glad to be outgrowing the sharp edges.

All of this comes to mind because of an article a friend recently shared on Twitter. It’s written by Pema Chodron, whose book When Things Fall Apart has been a lifeline for me this year (I’ve read it three times in less than 15 months). Chodron describes the tonglen practice, which by her telling is

. . . a method for connecting with suffering — ours and that which is all around us — everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem to be.

Tonglen connects breath work with visualization and conscious thought:

We begin the practice by taking on the suffering of a person we know to be hurting and whom we wish to help. For instance, if you know of a child who is being hurt, you breathe in the wish to take away all the pain and fear of that child. Then, as you breathe out, you send the child happiness, joy, or whatever would relieve their pain. This is the core of the practice: breathing in another’s pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open, and breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever you feel would bring them relief and happiness.

What a beautiful idea this is, but as I was reading, I found myself feeling frightened by it, too. I’ve had to work hard to learn and practice interpersonal boundaries in my life, and the idea of engaging so intimately with pain around me was immediately threatening. Chodron acknowledges this fear openly:

Truthfully, this practice does go against the grain of wanting things on our own terms, of wanting it to work out for ourselves no matter what happens to the others. The practice dissolves the armor of self-protection we’ve tried so hard to create around ourselves. In Buddhist language one would say that it dissolves the fixation and clinging of ego.

Touché.

Chodron also notes that tonglen practice can be particularly challenging if one is grappling with unresolved personal suffering, anxiety, or pain. But the practice can actually serve to address this:

. . . we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, our own resistance, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our personal stuckness, happens to be at that moment.

At that point you can change the focus and begin to do tonglen for what you are feeling and for millions of others just like you who at that very moment are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery. Maybe you are able to name your pain. You recognize it clearly as terror or revulsion or anger or wanting to get revenge. So you breathe in for all the people who are caught with that same emotion and you send out relief or whatever opens up the space for you and all those countless others. Maybe you can’t name what you’re feeling. But you can feel it — a tightness in the stomach, a heavy darkness, or whatever. Just contact what you are feeling and breathe, taking it in for all of us and sending out relief to all of us.

I love this. I welcome any reminder that suffering can ultimately connect and bring us closer. True pain often feels isolating, lonely, and unique—like something no one could possibly understand, even if you tried to explain it. But if we allow ourselves to fully experience and digest pain, it can render us more sympathetic to others and their struggles.

This week I’m also sharing an article that a friend sent to me last week. The author, Eric Barker, suggests five questions that can help to put difficult times into perspective. The questions are good, and I think they’re particularly useful for managing stress and anxiety, as they all invite us to make distinctions between what really matters and what doesn’t.

Maybe these articles will encourage you to treat yourself more gently this week, to greet a setback or struggle with softness. I hope they do, and I hope you’ll enjoy the other links, too, as well as these fabulous vegan recipes from around the web.

Recipes

A simple, flavorful veggie side dish for fall, courtesy of the the lovely Sonja and Alex at A Couple Cooks: butternut squash with pickled onions. I love the idea of adding fluffy dollops of cashew cream!

While fresh herbs are still abundant, it’s a good time to make David and Luise’s beautiful vegan pesto cauliflower pasta. I love the cheesy “nut dust” they sprinkle on top of the dish—it’s basically a homemade vegan parm, but with a much more whimsical name

Alexandra’s cozy stuffed sweet potatoes are Mediterranean-inspired comfort food at its very best. I love everything about this meal.

I always add some sort of crunchy or textured topping to creamy soups—I appreciate the contrast and variety. Gina takes soup topping to a whole new level with these gorgeous bowls, a combination of pumpkin soup, crispy baked artichokes, roasted chickpeas, nuts, and pomegranate seeds. They’re pretty enough to serve for a holiday meal!

I saved breakfast for last today, in the form of Sarah’s simple, delicious vegan banana nut muffins.

Reads

1. First, Pema Chodron explains the meaning and intention behind tonglen practice.

2. Eric Barker lists five questions that can help to carry you through difficult times.

3. An interesting perspective on childrens’ mental health, this article explores whether the decline of “play”—unstructured, curious, exploratory free time—may be linked to the rise of depression and anxiety among young people.

4. I spent a lot of time last year studying the nocebo effect—the worsening of health symptoms as a result of expectation—specifically as it relates to food and digestive health. Much more tends to be written about the placebo effect (which is the opposite, an improvement in symptoms due to a patient’s expectation of beneficial results), but the phenomena are linked, and I think they’re both fascinating. This article gives a good introduction to the nocebo effect and its remarkable power.

5. Three American scientists were awarded this year’s Nobel Prize in physiology or medicine. Jeffrey C. Hall, Michael Rosbash, and Michael W. Young’s work sheds light on the nature of so-called circadian rhythms—specifically, they were able to isolate and identify a specific gene that controls biological rhythms of waking and sleeping. This article says more about their work and its implications for work, schools, and policy-making.

I spent a little time yesterday simmering a fragrant, sweet-and-sour batch of apple raisin chutney. It’ll be folded into some tasty, Indian-inspired wraps, and I’m excited to share the recipe in a couple days. Happy Sunday!

xo

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