#it feels so hypocritical and fake saying it now but I swear that it’s true

[some-siren]

Hey btw can we agree that s2 was pretty boring and not very funny and that basically the reason why we were so obsessed with it was because of the Final Fifteen? Or is that still too early?

[shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean]

ONLY WANT YOU.

Pairing : Shawn Mendes × reader

Genre : Angst, smut, fluff

Warnings : Swearing, Daddy kink, thigh riding, unprotected sex, dom!Shawn, Self depreciation(very mild), oral (male receiving)

Summary : The reader and Shawn have an intense argument and then Shawn let's the reader know who's the one he wants.

You were more than worried now. It had been precisely 2 hours 14 minutes since Shawn left. You really managed to send him over the edge. You didn't want to. You didn't mean it. But you can't help it when all of the world is pining for what's not true. He's yours but no, everyone wants him and camila to be together.

Camila was such a lovely lady. You couldn't help but feel insecure. She was everything you'd want to be. Hell, she was beautiful and the worst part you wanted to hate her but you couldn't. She had that aura.

You and Shawn were in it for long. That's what you thought at least. You knew he was the one for you. And you believed you were too for him until recently.

Ever since the PR began after Senorita was out you couldn't help but question everything. Your bond with Shawn seemed to weaken. You found yourself distancing from him. You didn't want to. You never did. Everytime you saw an article in some shitty tabloid your breath got caught. You felt you couldn't breathe. You knew it was fake but guess these two were really good actors cause it didn't seem unreal it to you.

You tried to calm yourself. Remind yourself you were overanalysing the sitch. He is your boyfriend. He will be home soon. Then you can be in his strong arms and feel safe and secure. But none of it worked.

All this while, since the PR managers suggested this, Shawn had made sure to get you involved. Let you be a part of everything that's been happening or is going to in future. Make sure you're comfortable with it. And boy, did you say yes cause you didn't wanna hold him down. But now when he was not with you for the holidays, when he had to fly out every weekend to Miami you felt your nerves kick in.

You hated yourself for being such a hypocrite. Shawn never once made you feel secluded but your overthinker ass ravaged everything.

You were certain he hated you now. This was the longest you two had gone without talking after that intense a fight.

Shawn was back home after three months. You were so excited for him to be with you for a whole week now, until you saw that article. You knew it meant nothing but seeing your boyfriend sticking his tongue down another women's throat got the best of you. You didn't think it was going to affect you so bad when you said yes to the whole PR stuff but now you just didn't know how to feel.

You never told Shawn when your anxiety kicked in seeing him with her because you didn't want to seem like a hypocrite. But weren't you one?

You just suffered quietly. Tried to let it pass. It'd end soon. That's how you always calmed your raging nerves. You became quieter. Stopped being your bubbly self when Shawn called. He obviously noticed. He knew you better than you yourself. He just couldn't figure the issue cause you had so convincingly persuaded him to believe you were fine with it all.

"Hun, I'm home. " Shawn said as he closed the door after settling his luggage beside the shoe cabinet right at the entrance of your shared apartment.

When he got no response he was stressed. He expected you to pounce on him as soon as he opened the gate but there was no sign of you.

He kicked his shoes off and then remembered how it'd annoy you so much, laughed to himself and went back to put them in the cabinet before calling out for you again.

"Y/N, baby I'm home. "

He checked the living room. You weren't there. The kitchen next. No sign of you anywhere. He didn't expect you to be asleep cause it was just 7 and you were a night owl getting all pumped with energy as the clock hit 6 pm. This was your best time of the day and Shawn certainly had decided to make the best of it but you were nowhere to be found.

He wouldn't lie he was disappointed when you didn't fling yourself into his arms and peppered his face with cute wet kisses and were all clingy and lovey with him. He missed you so much.

He went to your bedroom, your shared room. Checked the whole house but there was no sign of you. He felt all that excitement dial down.

He decided to call you, obviously.

You didn't pick up.

He was worried now. He called your best friend cause you usually liked to hangout with her at evenings like this, discussing your medical school stuff and just chilling at times. She didn't pick up either. He called your mom and she told him that you were out with Y/F/N and she thought that he already knew.

Shawn was more than upset. He felt a little angry because you had been acting so not yourself and this was the least he could expect from you. There was something wrong obviously but why wouldn't you talk to him. Every time he tried to talk, you'd just make some excuse. He was tired now and this was what sent him over the edge. He tried calling you after an hour again. Just to get back a text saying "I'll be home late. Dinner's in the fridge. Don't wait for me. "

He was pissed off. Really bad.

You came home around 10:30 at night. You knew this wasn't fair to Shawn. After you saw that article you just couldn't. You had to let some seam off. Y/F/N called you and asked you if you'd wanna come to a small party they were throwing for Tom, a batchmate of yours Shawn had a huge disliking towards. Tom had asked you out cause he didn't know you had a boyfriend and he made it very clear that he liked you a lot. Shawn didn't take that well, obviously. He hated Tom's guts.

You wanted to get on his nerves after seeing the article. So you did.

You put on your sexiest one piece Shawn got for you year on your graduation day. The nerve of you. You informed your mom cause you knew Shawn would call her as you didn't plan on picking up his phone.

You opened the door with your key. The click noise made Shawn wake up from his light slumber.

You knew you had pulled off real shit and well consequences weren't gonna be good.

As you went inside. You saw the food was out on the counter but untouched. Shawn was in the living room, glaring at you.

"Where were you, Y/N? " He asked you with a voice dangerously low sending chills down your spine.

But heh you had enough liquid courage to be a douche at this point.

"Hello to you too. " You said in a rude tone.

"I said where the fuck were you, Y/N? It's been three goddamn hours. I have been so stressed what the hell is wrong with you. You didn't even care to tell me yourself. What the fuck?" He snapped at you moving towards you in the kitchen where you were pouring some water for yourself.

" I was at Tom's birthday party with Y/F/N." You said non chalantly.

His eyes shot up. Going wide.

" So you decided to go to that fucker's party instead of being with me. I'm home after three fucking months for fuck's sake." He yelled from across the counter.

You flinched hearing his tone but snapped right back. "Well what am I supposed to do Shawn? Sit here like a fool while you stick your tongue down her throat. All I see are pictures of you two making out every fucking where so am I just supposed to fucking wait for you after getting ten thousand notifications showing my boyfriend and his fucking girlfriend!? "

He took in a deep breath as if to not do anything wrong. The change on his face was scary. He just went from angry and worried to nothing. His face went expressionless. The tension getting thicker with every passing second.

You realised how wrong you were instantly. Hands flying to cover your mouth. " Shawn, i-... I am.. I didn't mean it. Bab-"

"You fucking meant it, Y/N. I can't even. You've got to be kidding me. " He took his Jeep's keys and headed for the gate. You tried to stop him by touching his shoulder but the look he gave you made you feel disgusted with yourself. He slammed the gate as he went out. Tears made their way down your cheeks smudging all your make up.

You sank down right where you were beside the kitchen counter. You hated yourself in this moment more than you ever had. The one person who always put your needs first, cared for you more than himself, you managed to make him hate you. You were certain he did.

You ran took your phone called Shawn. Over and over again. 5 calls went unanswered. You were perturbed. Didn't know what to do. Didn't know where he could be. You wanted to just be in his arms. You didn't deserve it but you felt home. His arms were your home. And you just ruined it all. Your baseless insecurities did.

You sat there helpless, loathing yourself. You don't know when sleep took over you. When you woke up it was 12. You got up in haste, drowning in worry. It had been an hour and a half since he left. You called him again and again to no avail. You lost the best thing you ever had and you knew you wouldn't be able to live with yourself after what you did.

You decided leaving was the best. He anyway wouldn't want you near him. Shawn deserved the world. He deserved the best. And then there was you who gave him nothing but hurled insults at him.

Tears didn't stop flowing at a point you felt you didn't have anymore left but you were wrong. You went up to your bedroom. Taking out a suitcase. You didn't want to bother him more. You weren't worth it.

You put in your essentials in the bag, moving to the closet after that. You changed into one of your hoodies. It was his. All of your clothes were basically his. You needed to wear them to feel home when he wasn't around. He loved them on you but now you weren't so sure. You anyway did it. One hoodie wouldn't upset him.

As you were done packing you checked the time it was over 2 hours. You wanted to die right at this moment. Shawn was not picking up your calls. You called Geoff earlier, he had no idea where Shawn was. Now you decided to call Karen. You didn't know what to do. You had already asked Andrew if Shawn was at the studio. You didn't want to stress everywhere cause Shawn didn't get mad easily but when he did it was bad. Extremely bad.

Just as you were about to call Karen you felt yourself being turned around, moved towards the closet door, a pair of strong arms pulling you and then his warm swollen lips being attached to yours. You melted right then. You didn't know how to respond. You couldn't believe it. Were you dreaming? But as you let it sink in, it was your Shawn kissing you. His smell invaded your senses making you feel alive again. Those lips moulded with yours felt like heaven. Tears made their way out of your eyes again. Lips starting to move against his. Hands going into his hair tugging at it as he devoured you. You didn't realize he was crying too until you opened your eyes. His eyes blood shot, cheeks tear stained. You hated you were the reason for his disheveled state. You hated yourself.

You broke the kiss. Not being able to look him in the eyes. Trying to catch your breath.

After a few minutes of total silence you figured this was goodbye. You started moving towards your suitcase.

As he saw what you were doing he let out a loud groan. He wanted to knock some sense into you and he decided he will.

He held your arm pulling you towards himself, asking with a hoarse voice "Where do you think you are going? "

"I'm sorry, Shawn. I just....you deserve better. I'll leave, I wanted to ask you if I can take this one hoodie? If you want it back I understand. I just didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean anything I said earlier. It just I was a little drunk you know it's I'm so terribly sorry. " You rambled didn't realising when you started sobbing.

You felt his arms wrap around you. Engulfing you in a loving hug. You broke down. He was still being so considerate when all you did was break his heart.

"Shush honey. Y/N, I am right here. You're not going anywhere."

"I am sorry. So sorry. I-.. I'll leave. "

"Baby, I said you are not going anywhere. I need you hun. You remember, it's forever." He said in his beautiful voice showing you his promise ring. The one you got him three months back. Just before he left.

You looked up at him through your crys. You wanted to see if he hated you or not. He could lie to you but his eyes could never. To your surprise all you saw was worry and love. A sense of relief washed over you. You released a breath you didn't know you were holding all this while.

"I love you baby. We are okay. I'm sorry I shouldn't have left like this."

"No no no Shawn. You.. I.... I'm so fucking terrible. I didn't mean anything earlier. I just wanted to I don't know I'm a fool. I was so scared I lost you forever. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. "

"No bub, I get where you're coming from. I understand. Just seeing you go to his birthday party made my blood boil. Seeing me with Camila, making out, holding hands I get it. I'm sorry. You should have told me, Y/N. I always wanted you to be comfortable with it. Although I shouldn't have put you in that spot when I know you won't ever say anything that's not in favour of my career. "

" I just didn't wanna hold you back, Shawn. I knew it was important but seeing you with her I just can't help but compare myself to her. I'm so pathetic. I hate myself. "

" Hey don't you ever say that about my baby. She's the best. Okay? Most beautiful, most caring, loving, selfless and she has the best legs. Her ass is so sexy. Her curves. Those lips I never wanna let go off. " He said his hands on your ass massaging it. You let out a low moan. It had been so long.

You wanted Shawn more than anything . His head dipped down to your neck, your head falling back. It felt unreal to be this close to him again. Especially after that sick stunt you pulled off.

He bit you at your soft spot and you jumped in his arms making him chuckle. He licked it to soothe it and you moaned. Not being able to control how overwhelmed you were after months of no physical contact with him.

"By the way that dress, baby. Not a smart move wearing it to Tom's birthday party, was it? " He said as his hands creeped up inside your hoodie sending shivers up your spine.

You just moaned in response only to receive a light tug at your bum.

"Words, honey. Use your words with me. " He said in that deep voice making your knees turn into jelly.

"Yes daddy. It was so stupid of me. Sorry daddy. " You said in your most innocent voice. Eyes looking glossy.

Shawn literally lost it there. Letting out a low growl. " Fuck Y/N." He turned you around. Making you face the mirror on your vanity. Your ass pressed onto his front. You could feel him already getting hard against your thigh. "Say it again." He commanded in a low voice. So you did feeling yourself getting wet. The pool in your panties becoming larger. "Mmm Daddy." You moaned as he moved your hair onto one side tilting your head so that he could assault your neck again. He knew how much you loved it when he did this.

"You know I wanted to take you right when you entered the house. Looking so pretty in that dress. Daddy got so worked up, baby. Only if you weren't being an annoying little brat." He said bringing his hand on your left boob cupping it under your hoodie.

"No bra? You're being very naughty I see."

"Sorrrryyy daddy. Sorry for being a little brat. I need you, daddy." You couldn't take his assault anymore. You whined. You just wanted him to fuck you into oblivion. Wanted him to be rough with you. Wanted to be close to him. As close that even air couldn't get in between the two of you.

"My hun is eager, I see. What do you want honey?" He asked.

"Want daddy to fuck me. Hard." You answered. Your eyes closed as he played with your tits. You could already feel yourself dripping on your thigh.

"Fuck baby. Getting daddy so hard huh? But do you deserve it after what you did."

"No daddy I have been bad. Very bad." You said. Extremely excited for what was in store for you. Shawn being a little rough and dominant always got you in the mood no matter when and where. That was his effect. The fact that only you got to see this side of the otherwise always a sweetheart gentle giant Shawn worked wonders on you. You loved it and he knew that.

"Hmm so kitten what is your punishment then?" Shawn whispered in your left ear. Making goosebumps arise on your body.

"Spanks, daddy. I have to count."

"Mm look at you being so good. How many do you deserve baby? "

"6 daddy? "

"Isn't that very less for what you did hun? Make it 10."

"Okay daddy."

He tugged at your hands as an indication for you to raise them so that he could take off his large hoodie of you. Leaving you only in your black lace panties. Looking at your almost naked body, Shawn couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips. Hands immediately cupping both your boobs. "So beautiful kitten."

"Thank you, daddy."

He proceeded on to take off his shirt. His biceps flexing in the process making your mouth water. You still were in a haze. This man, literally Adonis was yours? How'd you get so lucky? His flawless skin. The little hair peppering his chest. The defined pecs. His abs. You didn't even realise you were gawking at him. Literally with your mouth open. A chuckle brought you back to reality. Getting flushed instantly.

"Mmm definitely enjoying what you see hun. Come here." He said sitting at the edge of the bed opening his legs so that you could bend over his thighs. You did as told.

"Want these off baby. " He tugged at your panties. Before you could even move to get them off. He ripped them apart in half as if it was nothing. You got wetter if that was possible.

"Now bend." He said. You did as told. You bent over his lap.

"Count baby." He growled as his hand slapped your right ass cheek. A loud moan leaving your lips. "One."

Another spank at the same place. Making it become an angry red. "Two." You whined.

Shawn saw your wetness dripping down your thighs forcing a strangled moan out of him. His fingers immediately going to your freshly shaved pussy lips. "You are enjoying this so much kitten? " He asked as his fingers dipped in your folds, you almost screaming at the sudden action, then he took them in his mouth. You sublimated right that moment. If this wasn't the hottest thing you'd ever seen you didn't know what was. You felt pure bliss.

Still in that euphoria you didn't realize how time passed and his hand came in contact with your ass again. Harder than before.

"Three." You cried. Your ass blood red. Tears threatening to fall out of your eyes any second. Just for a second Shawn's demeanor faltered. He seemed to be having second thoughts. He couldn't hurt you. His hand soothingly titillating the area.

You, as if, read his thoughts and told him to continue. "It hurts so good, daddy." That was all he needed. "You're doing so good kitten. Just two more." With that his hand came down again not so hard this time. You moaned, loving the burning sensation.

He repeated the same with your left cheek. You started to cry by the time he was done. He took you in his arms. Making you face him. Straddling his lap. "Did so good for me baby." You rested your head on his shoulder. Your bare pussy against the rough fabric of his jeans. His thick thighs clenching. And you started to grind your self on his thigh. You didn't even realise when. The pleasure seeming to only increase with each thrust of your hips. You let out a moan at the same time as Shawn, it's what made reality dawn upon you. Your actions halted thinking he'd want to punish you, maybe.

When you looked into his eyes, they were darker than before, almost black, filled with insatiable hunger. A wave of confidence hit you. Your movements resumed. Your pace a little faster now. Your hands made way around his neck, wrapping them for support as he held you by your waist. His eyes boring into yours, you felt yourself melt. "I want you to get off my thigh, Y/N. Don't stop until you cum." He said in a voice that was enough to do it for you. He sounded so fucking sexy you couldn't even make sense of it. "Okay daddy." With that you increased your pace. His toned muscles flexing with your movements. It felt like heaven. You felt the fire burn in you. That familiar pit. Shawn kept on cooing filthy things in your ear sending you over the edge even faster. You held onto him for dear life as you came, nails digging in his skin. This was different. The way he responded to your actions. It felt unreal. It was beyond amazing.

"Felt so good daddy." You said as you went to kiss him. He captured your lips with his, kissing you with burning passion. You poured all your apologies, how ashamed you were of your unreasonable behavior, your unconditional love for him, all in that kiss. It conveying more than you could vocally have.

"Look at you hun, ruined daddy's pants huh? Looked like a goddess getting off of my thigh. You like it?"

"Loved it daddy. I love 'em."

He wrapped your legs around his waist as if you weighed nothing, standing up. He threw you on the bed. Taking his pants off along with his boxers. His thick member sprang out of the confines hitting his abdomen making the most unholy noise. You almost gasped at how terribly hard he was. It must be painful.

You scooted closer to him on the bed, reaching the edge. "Can I taste you, daddy? "

"Fuck. Go ahead baby."

"Mmm okay." You said as you reached for him. Getting in between his thighs. Making him sit on the bed and getting on your knees on the floor. You wanted to make him feel just as good as you felt. And boy were you determined.

You took his length in your hands. Spreading the precum all over it and your lips pulling out a pornographic moan off him. He stared at you in awe. Looking so pretty with his cock in your hands, on your knees for him. So wet, your juices dripping everywhere. It was nasty and he loved it.

You took his balls in your mouth, caressing his cock, all the prominent veins and the angry red tip making you salivate. You started running your hands up and down him. Sucking his balls. "Fuck honey, so good. Go on." He caressed your hair. "Always so good for me." You released his balls from your mouth with a pop sound and licked his underside from the base to the tip, feeling each vein. You took his tip in your mouth making him almost stop breathing. "Such a good girl, Y/N. Doing amazing." He moaned. It felt like music to your ears. You finally took him all in. He let out a loud whine. The warmth of your mouth making him dizzy. You started moving your head faster, almost releasing him fully then taking as much of him as you could until he hit the back of your throat. You loved giving Shawn a head. Hell you loved doing everything to him. Anything you did for him, with him was automatically your favorite. You felt what a dumbass you were to even think of leaving him. He's the best thing that has happened to you ever. He's your present and your future. You can't let yourself ruin that. Shawn abruptly stopped you. Pulling himself out of your mouth. You gave him a confused look. "What's wrong, Shawn?" "Not gonna last long, baby. Wanna feel you. Be inside you. Come here." He scooped you in his arms. Made you lay on the bed facing the vanity mirror. He came up beside you. His large body engulfing you as he spooned you. You reached down taking him in your hands, not being able to take anymore teasing. You needed him in you. Wanted to feel full again. It almost felt like the first time today. Your emotions all over the place, being so raw. You loved every microsecond of it. You lined him with yourself, almost about to take him in when Shawn took control. "Calm down. You know Y/N, good girls don't behave like this." "Sorry." You mumbled grumpily. His hand wrapped around your throat. Pressing lightly. Fuck, you got wetter if that was humanely even possible. You felt you might cum right then. "Sorry, what honey? Be good." "Sorry Daddy." "Mmm better." He said as he rubbed his tip at your slit. Teasing you like always. "So wet for me, honey. You've ruined all the sheets." You just moaned loudly in response incapable of forming a coherent sentence. He slowly pushed inside you. He was so fucking big. It hurt. He stretched you out so well. Relief washing you over. Feeling him in you made you feel complete. He stilled once he was inside letting you adjust. "Move baby? " He asked. "Mmm fuck. Yes daddy." You said.

His hand moved from your throat to your clit, rubbing you as he fucked you hard from behind. Your eyes started to close which as soon as he noticed he stopped. You whined so loudly at this it was almost shocking for you. "Open your eyes, baby if you want me to continue. Watch us in the mirror. Watch how daddy fucks you so good." And you saw the most obscene sight. His one hand rubbing your clit. You could see his cock move in and out of you. Other hand on your left boob pressing it hard. You couldn't help but whimper at the beautiful view. So dirty. You loved it.

His pace got faster as he dipped his neck into the crook of your neck leaving hickeys. Your hand reaching back holding onto his arm. Your nails scratching him, digging into his skin.

The feeling of bliss took over you as you yelled "I'm going to cum, Shawn." "Come for me, honey. I'm gonna cum too." His pace faltered becoming slower. He was close too. He rubbed your little nub faster, the nerves started burning at his assault.

"Aaah fuck fuck fuck daddy." With that you came all over him, him following you almost instantly. He let out a grunt as he came inside you, filling you up. Riding you both to the end of your orgasms.

He stayed like that for a few minutes. Not moving at all. Then he pulled out of you. Getting up to go to the bathroom like he always did. He came back with a wet towel, cleaning you up so gently. Then he cleaned himself up with the same towel. And you don't know but this always felt so intimate to you. More than all that you guys just did. Him cleaning you both up with the same towel made your heart flutter. You were so fallen for him you didn't know yourself.

He came back after dumping the towel with the dirty laundry.

As soon as he came to bed, you snuggled into his chest. He was your home. You felt so safe. No one could hurt you with him there. Not even you, yourself. He'd protect you.

A single tear slipped from your eye as you both lay in comfortable silence cuddled with each other. As he noticed it, in the sweetest voice ever he said "It's okay baby. You don't have to even think about what happened earlier, again. I knew it'd affect you badly and I still went for it. I knew if I asked you, you'd never say no. So it was me taking you for granted, hun. You're not at fault. It was me, baby. I put you in that spot."

"Oh shut up, Mendes. Always making me seem so good. It was my and only my fault. Don't you dare blame it on yourself. And I'm so so sorry. I won't ever doubt what we have. It's the most real thing I have felt in my whole 22 years of existence. I love you so much, words can't even express it."

"But you do in other ways. You know." He smirked making you roll your eyes, nudging him lightly in his chest.

"You riding my thigh was the most fucking hot view ever. Trust me, I almost came."

"Oh shut it and let me sleep." You said all flustered about what you did.

"One last thing, baby. "

"Hmm? "

"You're the only one I want. "

You cuddled more into him finally being able to fall asleep soundly in your home.

Taglist: @monikamendes @holland-styles @bvttercupbby @lonelyreputation @badreputationlove @shawn-youth @itsalwaysbeen305 @perfectlywrongsm @particularnarry @wholesomemendes @myboyshawn @myboyshawnie @imaginashawnns @camilalewiss @swiftmendeshoran @princecharmingmendes @fallinallincurls @glitterypositivityforaesthetic @shawnpetermuffins @stylesharrys @shawnblanc @shawn-mendes-thirst @shawnftchris @lonelyreputation

Tell me guys if anyone wants to be added or removed from the taglist.

Also this is my first time writing on tumblr so i dont know if I did any stupidities please let me know if I did 🥺🥺

And How'd you guys like the shot? I'd really appreciate if you all leave feedbacks. Thank you lovelies! ❣

[tressasinterlude]

𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 #𝟑: Female Public Figures Dating Men with Questionable Views That Contradict Their Image & Alleged Politics

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗥: These rant blog posts are really just reflective of my thoughts at the time that I make them and are posted here because I need an outlet to release all of this shit I have going on my busy ass mind. That’s it and that’s all. Now let’s get into it..

This rant was greatly inspired by none other than Ms. Robyn Rihanna “Tell Your Faves To Pull Up [in regards to social injustices directly affecting black people]” Fenty and her openly colorist boyfriend, A$AP Rocky. Aside from the fact that Rihanna tends to slip under the radar and is never held accountable for her problematic ways due to her conventional beauty (i.e. Her heavy usage of anti-Asian slurs, particularly targeted towards Chris Brown’s ex gf, Karrueche), it’s very alarming that a woman who has an entire makeup brand with a campaign based around the inclusivity of ALL black women is publicly flaunting a beau who once said that DSBW do not look good with red lipstick.

And yes, I’m very much aware that Rakim said this tasteless comment over 8 years ago but from the looks of it, not much has really changed with him. Don’t @ me about it neither because I don’t care.

Also peep how he compares a hypothetical darkskinned woman to a man (Wesley Snipes) while trying to explain how his antiblackness isn’t wrong because he said something about white women as well. Gaslighting at its finest. Don’t you just love it! 😀

Furthermore, you would think that somebody of Rihanna’s level of stature would know not to associate themselves with someone as messy as A$AP Rocky but... Stupid is what stupid does, I guess! I can’t even begin to place the blame on him anymore because he’s revealed his true colors and we all have made the deliberate choice to either accept it or don’t and have discontinued all support for him. Unfortunately, misogynoir is never the dealbreaker for most people and the hatred for [dark-skinned] black women is so engrained in society that it’s frowned upon when we publicly speak out against it. Very ass backwards if you ask me but that’s society for you. Now, enough about that. Let’s focus back on Ms. Vita La Coco.

As a woman who claims to be a girl’s girl and is always presenting herself to be someone who is the epitome of a pro-black feminist bad ass, it just makes her alleged activism come off so disingenuous when she’s also laying down with the same man that actively attacks the demographic she’s supposed to be standing in solidarity with. It’s “Black Lives Matter” on the IG posts but your vagina is getting moist for a man who openly stated he doesn’t relate to what goes on in Ferguson because he lives in Soho & Beverly Hills. Ferguson being the exact place where a 17-year-old black boy’s lifeless corpse laid on the hot concrete for FOUR hours after he was murdered by a police officer. He couldn’t 'relate' to the fate of so many black men, women, and children who are murdered or seriously injured from state-sanctioned violence because they’re poor and he is not or so he thought.

But then again, what can I really expect from a woman who identified as being “biracial” until as recent as roughly 6 years ago? What can I really expect from a woman who called Rachel Dolezal a ‘hero’ for cosplaying as a black woman? I’d be lying if I said my expectations for her were high in this regard because sis has always shown us she was lacking in this department. And just for the record, this is not a personal attack on Rihanna at all for the die-hard Navy stans in the back. I admire her latest fashions and bop my head to her music just like the next person but she’s getting the side-eye from me on this one.

Trust and believe me though, she’s not the only woman who I can call out for being a hypocrite. Of course not! This stone can be cast at a few others. So without further ado, why don’t we bring Ms. Kehlani Parrish to the front of the congregation? Prior to Kehlani’s recent declaration of identifying as a lesbian, her last public relationship with a man was with YG. Yes, the same YG who felt it was necessary to say him & Nipsey had ‘pretty light-skinned’ daughters to raise in the middle of his deceased friend’s memorial. By the way, Nipsey’s daughter is not even light (or at least not in my book anyways.) She’s a very deep caramel tone just like her father which makes what he said even more moronic. Yes, the same YG who thought it was clever idea to use slavery as an aesthetic for a music video to a diss track about 6ix9ine. And yes, also the same YG who has derogatory lyrics targeted at bisexual women. Just to end up sweating the red carpets with one. I swear the jokes just continue to write themselves.

This raises the question once more; How high of a pedestal can I really put a multiracial woman who has a song titled ‘N*ggas’ and when received backlash for the song in question, she used the ultimate ‘I’m mixed’ copout while not having a visibly black parent in sight?

It’s also kind of suspicious to me that many were not privy to Kehlani’s secret romance with Victoria Monét (pictured bottom right) until Victoria did an interview with Gay Times revealing she fell in love with a girl but they subsequently broke up because Victoria had a boyfriend and that girl was pregnant in a polyamorous relationship. Fans began to speculate because both Victoria & Kehlani previously candidly spoke about their sexual orientations, Kehlani had just had Adeya and they both were seemingly close. Their short-lived fling would later be confirmed when Victoria released the song ‘Touch Me’ on her last project and Kehlani hopped on the remix. Meanwhile, Kehlani’s relationship with Shaina (pictured bottom left) was very overt and all over her Instagram feed from my recollection. And as you can see, Shaina looks absolutely nothing like Victoria. They look like the complete opposite of eachother in every aspect which is kind of alarming(?) to say the least because why is it that the women she proudly claims as her partners tend to have a very racially ambiguous look such as herself but her ‘sneaky links’ on the other hand are undoubtedly black women? Again, it could just be me jumping conclusions. You know, I’m kinda good for that however something tells me I’m not. Y’all be the judge of the material though.

Last but not least, I’d like to touch on Ms. Raven Tracy very briefly. I was very weary about even including in this segment and if I should just put her in a entirely separate blog post with other women who openly date abusers despite their checkered past (alongside Nicki Minaj & her r*pist murderer of a husband, India Love & Sheck Wes etc.) being this particular blog post was based around the theme of lightskinned/mixed women dating men with extremely problematic views about DSBW. Raven obviously isn’t lightskinned or mixed however I refused to ignore how contradictory her [former] relationship with an alleged (I used this word very loosely and mainly for legality purposes.) serial r*pist while promoting a brand that is all about feminism & body positivity. This also traces back to A$AP Rocky by default being that Ian Connor is his very close friend and he came to Connor’s defense when several women came forward detailing accounts of Connor allegedly s*xually assaulting them. (I wish I could place the actual video of what A$AP Rocky said verbatim but Tumblr only allows one video per blog post. 🙄)

Back in June of this year, Ian & Raven had a back & forth on Twitter after Ian tweeted about Raven “fucking everybody” behind his back. I can only assume that he was alluding to Tori Brixx posting a video of her ex, Rich the Kid & Raven kissing on her story. Disgusted is not even the word to describe my feeling when she admitted she stuck by Ian despite of his many allegations of s*xual abuse because she loved him and her being a empath causes her to want to help everybody. Imagine aiding and abetting a predator and even paying for his bail & legal fees just to turn around and expect sympathy because this same individual cheated on you and exploited you all over Twitter for the public to see. The same man that you would get back with not even a WEEK after the fact & turn off your IG comments because it isn’t our “business” after making it our business...

That being said, I just genuinely want to know: Why do these women completely go against what they stand for in regards to these men? Maybe it was never genuine from jump street and if that’s the case, why jump on the bandwagon of performative activism? Is it because it’s profitable right now? Is it because disrespecting black women is not an immediate death sentence to your careers and more often than not actually helps you advance even further? I guess that’s the billion dollar question that’ll never truly be answered. I just want the world to stop using black women as their stepping stool to get to where they need to go and then discarding of us when we’re no longer beneficial. Support us all the way or don’t support us at all. We deal with enough disrespect as is so we’d appreciate if y’all would stop straddling the fence and partake in your misogynoir out loud if that’s what you choose to do. We have no use for fake allyship and quite frankly, it’s doing more harm for us than good. Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

- 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝙴𝙳𝙶𝙰𝚁 𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙽 𝙷𝙾𝙴. 💋

[cosmictulips]

🔥 🔥 🔥 unpopular opinion astrology edition pls lmao

*cracks knuckles*

I'm so sorry lol

🔥 I hate most if not all astro observation posts. No offense -no there's full offense to this- it's VERY biased and based on .. ?? what observations LOL what y'all study? there's no way to honestly prove observations because you can't just look out and know every persons chart that you interact with on a daily basis. there's a lot of guess work unless you're stupidly good at guessing peoples rising signs or sun signs.

I mean I guess it could be based off research that you do through books and other medias but that's not the case with 99 percent of the posts here on tumblr. and quite frankly I'm annoyed by almost all of it.

Use actual psychology and state it. it's more accurate, and fun. but not everyone is into studying body language. I know. and I know people state it's their personal opinions but listen, we all got opinions. doesn't make shit true and people REPEAT what others say!

🔥 Leos are annoying and I have such a hard time with them. that's just it. EVERY Leo I know --and let's make this clear I know they're leos based on fb info and they tell me. they always gotta tell me LOL -- loves to talk about themselves. but not in the way you might think. and that's where I both love and hate them.

I love hearing people talk about themselves and they do just that LOL. I get a lot of fun stories from leos and I get some cool knowledge from them.

but MAN y'all be some big ass hypocrites. there's one leo who "preaches" peace and tolerance but then will go post some weird ass shit that directly contradicts it. Like, I get talking just to talk but you can't be that oblivious can you?

But I think that can be said for most ... fixed signs. as a fixed sign, I think we just... do that lol.

🔥 I hate what social media has done to astrology LOL. I never liked the "uwu I'm a scorpio so I'm a bitch" thing. not when it was a meme, not ironically, not now especially. astrology is the LITERAL story of the stars and we've taken it and thrown it around and it makes people who do this shit professionally seem like children.

No Linda, you have NO basic understanding of what it means to be a libra and you telling me that "you're all about fairness and peace" just proves to me that you REALLY don't know much about being a libra and you need to actually study the chart and not listen to tik toks.

I literally can't fucking stand it.

And like, just in general! I really hate how social media has just squashed the whole idea of astrology. and people think it's this basic ass thing and ME OVER HERE okay and others who have been doing this for YEARS ARE JUST MOCKED BUT YOU TELL ME SUSAN IF YOU CAN LOOK IN THE NIGHT SKY AND NAVIGATE IT AND READ SOMEONE TO FILTH.

TELL ME SUSAN CAN YOU DO THAT? CAN YOU TELL ME HOW MY VIRGO ASS MOON PSYCHOANALYZES MY EVERY MOVEMENT OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA FIST PUMP THE MOONS ASS AND BE LIKE HAHA YOURE SUCH A TAURUS.

🔥 CUSPS. I CAN"T STAND WHEN SOMEONE TELLS ME THEY'RE ON A CUSP. FIGURE IT OUT SWEET PEA. YOU ARE NOT TWO SIGNS. IF YOU DO YOUR ASTRO CHART AND IT SAYS ZERO DEGREES LEO THEN GUESS WHAT HONEY BUTT? YOU'RE A LEO.

you can feel like you belong to the other signs but that can be explained! and learned! and you can learn how to feel more of your sign! so stop saying astrology is fake because you can't take FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AND GOOGLE SOMETHING.

the only person who has bedazzled me is my friend. she's a full on leo with a sag moon and I swear to the gods she's a cancer. YOU CANNOT TELL ME OTHERWISE. she has NO cancer energy but being around her you're just like "how da fuck are you not a cancer". but that's a different conversation.

Idk why I used Leo in that example. I get it mostly with pisces cusps and gemini cusps people.

[maehara-san]

don’t swear | denki kaminari x reader |

Pairing: Denki Kaminari x F!Reader 

Summary: Everyone lies. In the end there’s very little true people who you can confide in. The only mistake was thinking they were by your side. 

Warning(s): angst, cheating, cursing, yelling

Word count: 1,932 

There was a light knock on the door. The thunder outside barely made it audible for you to hear it, if it weren’t for the doorbell ringing loudly you would have ignored it. Sighing you got up and placed the glass whiskey down on the coffee table. The loud ringing was irritating you by the minute.

“HEY!” you yelled, “Quit with the fucking doorbell!”

Upon opening the door your expression changed seeing a familiar face that brought you both familiarity and disgust. “What the hell...are you even doing here?”

There was a worry in their eyes, they looked at you up and down trying to grasp your body language. You didn’t give them enough time to answer your question. Leaving the door opened you walked to the kitchen to grab another glass to refill.

“I’m worried about you,” she stated and closed the door behind her to approach you. A hysterical laugh echoed throughout the empty apartment. “Everyone has been looking for you. I asked Bakugo but he refused to tell me anything. We tried calling several times but you never picked up-”

“Don’t pretend to care when you were a spy hiding all the shit that he was doing!” you exclaimed making her jump back. “EVERYONE...knew.” Turning your body to face her you pointed your finger as you walked towards her. Anger was visibly shown in your eyes, “YOU knew from the very beginning what he was doing but chose to keep it away from me and act like such a fucking bitch! You are a two-timing mother fucker. Each and every one of you kept adding on to him cheating on me without giving a crap! You even said I should divorce him so he could stay with her....well guess what you can take all your stupid excuses along with them and go fuck yourself!” you yelled, the veins on your hand popped up from how hard you squeezed your finger.

“I couldn’t tell you....I-I thought h-he...would figure it out. He promised he would...” she explained. You ran your fingers through your hair, “You know what sucked the most? Is the fact that Bakugo had the decency to be there when he was the one I barely confided in....when it should have been you.”

Mina fought back the tears, she knew what she did was wrong. From the very beginning, she should have told you but opted on telling Kaminari rather than letting you know what was really going on. "I-I’m so...s-sorry...”

“You’re sorry?” you questioned, “You don’t get to be sorry for the bullshit you pulled! You were an addition to this and you didn’t care who was hurt. “

“That’s not true!” she cried “I tried to help you too!”

“Get.Out.”

“You know it’s true, don’t push me out like this-” she tried defending herself only to make you explode.

“GET OUT!” you screamed. Mina quickly grabbed her umbrella and left without saying another word.

Every past moment started appearing right in front of you. From the first time, you found out to the last 14 hours where everything was discovered. The glass of whiskey was left forgotten on the small table, your head kept spinning with why’s and how’s. Wondering what you ever did was wrong enough for him to throw everything away for an adventure.

‘Adventure’ you thought, laughing without emotion only heartache.

You clapped upon seeing the two standing on stage. They stood there smiling holding the award, almost taunting you for being happy while you lived in misery. Kaminari looked at every camera in the room, his secret lover followed his gaze on to you. She smirked upon seeing your expression. Once the noises died down the president then spoke into the microphone.

“Here she is the reason for your success, (y/n) (l/n)!” he spoke grabbing the crowd's attention. Smiling brightly you walked up on the stage and went toward your husband with arms open. Kaminari looked at you forgetting about his lover and hugged you tightly. Your fake smile didn’t seem like such a drag anymore. You then stood in between them both while his arm lazily rested around your hips.

The president handed the mic over to you, “How about a few words.” he said making you chuckle lightly at how many things you had to say about them. “Thank you.” you began “Um...well there’s a lot to say.” your body moved forward breaking away from Kaminari’s grasp.” He was very indecisive, still is to this day.” the guests chuckled, he laughed awkwardly feeling embarrassed.

His lover moved closer to him, their hands lightly collided against each other. There was no use in pretending that it wasn’t true, you didn't have to turn around to see that it was happening. He held her hand so delicately with grace as if he’s afraid of breaking her it.

Your eyes were becoming glossy. It broke you apart in a lot of ways. The thought of knowing how many places and ways he’s shown her affection were the same ones he had one with you.

“Kaminari worked on two projects, the old one and the winning one. He was indecisive, there was no way of getting him away from his past one. Even if there was a clear future for the new one he still kept on working on it. It’s like he was in battle to see which one would bring him a better opportunity. I told him he should go with the one he felt more in touch with.” you added “He decided to move on but kept coming back to the first one. His heart was most definitely involved.”

Every word pained you. To all those strangers they thought you were talking about simple theories and work. But those who knew, she knew, that it went much deeper. You turned around to look at him straight in the eyes.

“However he chose to go forward and not care about the consequences it would bring him,” you spoke. He only looked you, too occupied with the thought of holding her instead of seeing what he had truly done to his family.

“Some say he was out of his mind while his colleagues believed in him and edged him on.” you blinked rapidly trying to dry them out. “But I’m proud because he showed the type of man he really is.”

Your speech had ended, people clapped. Mina stared at you with an unreadable expression, while Kirishima showed no expression. They weren’t blind about the meaning. Bakugo knew this was going to explode, there was no way this would end just here.

“You are indeed correct.” his lover expressed, “But I can see he’s much happier. After all the hard work he’s done, he deserves to be proud and not embarrassed.”

Your blood began to boil, Kaminari didn’t hide his smile. It was the final spark you needed to make you burst out. “At least he got rid of that old project and pursued something that would better benefit him. It’s his future after all.”

The director looked at her almost telling her to behave. You grabbed the mic from her grasp smiling bigger thanking the gods she pushed you further. “Well, yes you are right,” you spoke. “It does benefit him in ways that people don’t quite really know, now that you mention it why don’t I tell them?”

“You might want to write these down so you don’t forget.” you stated, “Number one, the fact that you’ve been seeing my ex-husband,” you emphasized, “Every single day for almost two years even though he was married!”

Bakugo stood up immediately from his seat getting ready to approach the stage. The reporters were in shock, bursting out questions from left to right. “Hold on, it gets even better!” you exclaimed not caring how they viewed you or even if you lost your job.

“Kaminari even got her pregnant. She confided in Mina asking her to help her abort the baby.” The director’s face turned red he had known his daughter was seeing someone but never thought about it being him.

“What the hell is all of this Sara?!” he yelled, “He’s twice your fucking age!”

Sara broke away from Kaminari “I don’t care!” she retorted “I’m in love with him!” Her father then slapped her making the room go quiet.

“I taught you to be respectful. I didn’t teach you to go around sleeping with any married man! What the fuck got into your head?!” Sara stared at him holding her cheek.

“You shouldn’t use violence to make a point. You have no right to slap her-”

Without a second thought, you swung your arm as hard as you could and punched him in the face not caring where you aimed. It was enough for you. Everything had been eating at you for so long, you thought he’d feel ashamed but only cared about her. It was all about her.

Your ex-husband stared up at you in shock. “YOU.” you loudly said “Have no fucking business in saying shit! You didn’t think people would find out about your mistake?! You have the audacity to still defend her instead of apologizing for all the bullshit you did to us?!”

Tears escaped from your eyes, at this point Mina, Kirishima, Bakugo, and a few other people you both knew came over. Mina pulled at you to stop you from doing anything else.

“FUCK YOU!” you screamed at the top of your lungs. “EVERYONE HERE KNEW! You had to tell people about what you were doing and they didn't give a damn about telling me! You’re all hypocrites!”

“Would you stop being a fucking drama queen?!” Kaminari yelled holding his bloody lip. “You already knew I was cheating on you! Stop acting like you didn’t know crap about it until now!”

“I think it’s best if we go (y/n)-” Bakugo spoke.

You pulled yourself away from Mina and pushed her off to the side. “I can tolerate the fact you got her pregnant and cheated on me...” you added standing in front of him not blinking as you spoke.

“But I will never....you hear me...NEVER...forgive you for hooking up with her the day our son died!” you exclaimed, “You knew how much he loved his father, that you threw it away and instead hooked up with someone else during his funeral service! You dishonored his memory...you’re dead to me.”

“I was hurting-”

You laughed hearing his sorry excuse for what he did “You were hurting? Well guess what asshole! I WAS HURTING TOO! But I didn’t go around sleeping with someone on that same damn day!” you tried calming yourself down not caring about the flashing lights and the yelling in the background. You were tired of this nightmare you wanted to end it by all means.

“Listen to me.” you stated “I will do everything...in my power...” you ran your fingers through your hair staring dead in the eyes of them both. “To make sure you pay for all of this, I don’t give a damn about how much it ends you. You hear me, I will make you regret it.”

Bakugo pulled at my wrist lightly and your body gave away, following him while Kaminari and Sara yelled at you. You blocked out their voices not turning back around anymore.

You got in his car and let every emotion out. He didn’t speak only rubbed your back, being there silently was what you needed most. Finally, it was all in the open. Your eyes began to give out, you relaxed at his touch and floated away from this disaster.

“I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

[opes-magnas]

『 as lonely as time can get. 』

It’s finally here!! I’m a terribly slow writer, and am really thankful to all those who waited for this! Hopefully you enjoy. Thank you so much to @hamjjy, @kaavijournals and Lady L for beta reading this, you guys are the best!

Listen to this playlist here for the best experience!

tw: cursing, body sensitivity, very subtle idea of anxiety and toxic relationships are portrayed.

~calypso <3

I. the moon can't shine on her own.

She looks serene tonight - high up in the night sky, not a single star to accompany her. Does the moon feel lonely like that? Does she ever need a warm hug? Perhaps she gets one from the sun, and he accompanies her all time. Does the sun shine for her? So that the world can see her beauty? Perhaps so. When she can't see him, she turns bloody red; she seems disturbed. Hurt. Lost. Her fury always frightened the humans. It made them shiver inside their homes, praying to see the familiar ball of light rise from the east to calm her down. Perhaps it is better if they could only see her beauty. But does that mean the sun shines, not to show her beauty, but to protect the humans from her true self? Perhaps so.

The sun and the moon are a pair. And they will continue to be.

As long as the moon can't shine on her own.

Let's stop thinking, Luna.

The moon seems lonely.

I look up at the clock. A red, metallic light tells me its 3:48 am, 3rd April. Great, now I can have four shots of espresso for breakfast. Thank you, oh great mind, for deciding that we needed to have that conversation earlier. I sit up on the bed and rub my eyes. The curtain flutters from the soft wind blowing in through the window. Cicadas fill up the silence as I look at the full moon illuminating my room another time. Oh, how I hate the moon. What a hypocrite. I look away, and my eyes find the pile of open textbooks and spark notes I abandoned. A small smile creeps up my face. At least I'll ace that History test tomorrow. I could imagine the Boba Tea reward from Leo in my hands already. Leo. The annoying kid next door who's been stuck with me since I was five. Don't worry, though. I don't like him. Not anymore. He made it extremely clear that I was 'a size too big' for him. Then why do I still hang out with him? Short answer - I beat him up, he apologized. I shall offer no elaboration. Still, a lump forms in my throat. And maybe because he wasn't completely wrong.

I get up to go grab a glass of water. Mochi is lying in her bed in the hallway. This is the first time she didn't stir awake when I thumped across the room. The poor fluffball of a cat is probably very tired from the bath I forced her into in the evening.

You need to lose a few pounds anyways, Luna. Get rid of those love handles. Maybe some fat on your back too. That'll make people find you more approachable.

It isn't toxic if it's true, right?

That night, I decide that my glass is half-empty rather than full, and go back to bed. Suddenly, Mochi wakes up and runs into my room. She snuggles in and throws her paws on my hair like it's her property. I choose to oblige the demon for today.

The last thing I see before sleep lures me is the clock gleaming '3:59 am'.

/////-----

It's too warm in my blanket. I almost want to peel my skin off. I need to get sleep, I have a test soo- I jolt awake. Mochi is no longer next to me. I assume she's back in the comfort of her bed, considering the temperature in the room. I let out a groan as my hand outstretches to the switchboard. After a few terrible attempts, I finally turn on the ceiling fan. As sleep threatens to take me again, I see that it's still dark out and the moon looks just as annoying as it did earlier, its ever luminant light breaking down the walls of my privacy. My eyes turn to the direction of the clock- 3:48 am, 3rd April. Huh, weird. I realize I must have had one of those five-minute, extra strength-giving, amazing nap- Wait why does the clock say it's 3:48 am?

I grab my phone. The sudden light blinds me for a second, and through squinted eyes I see 3:49 am on the screen. Huh, really weird. Wasn't I awake just now  - err, earlier? Wait what? I realize I make no sense, maybe I just read the time wrong the first time. My brain is repeating the features of the Hammurabi Code, my drowsy eyes are drooping, and I meet slumber once more.

I barely feel Mochi slipping back into my blanket.

/////-----

I wake up in wonder why my alarm hasn't rung yet. The room is still dark, the moon stares at me curiously. Give me some privacy, moon. My eyes turn towards the clock for the third time this night- 3:46 am, 3rd April. Bullshit. I've been asleep for hours now; I won't need those four espresso shots for breakfast anymore. My tongue clicks involuntarily. Is this some sort of a stupid prank? Leo is definitely behind this, I'm going to hunt that dipshit down.

Come to your senses, Luna. The universe cannot prank you. That's impossible. And stupid.

I grab my phone again. An attempt in vain, I realize, when I see the screen displaying the same time. I text Leo.

| loser |

you (3:46 am, 03.04.2021): you awake?  (read) 

loser (3:48 am, 03.04.2021): no

A chill goes down my spine. Did the just relive 3:38 am? I decide to call Leo. Two rings in, I hear a familiar voice, 'I said I wasn't awake.' He sounds tired, voice raspy and strained. You'd think he'd just woken up from the but he's the sort of person who thinks sleep is for the weak. 'Yeah no shit, Sherlock. I'm speaking to your alter ego, Thomas.', I reply.

He decides to ignore my bad retaliation, and saves me from the embarrassment. 'Why is my star pupil awake at 3 in the morning? Has she forgotten about the test she will help me cheat tomorrow?', he asks. Ah, this freeloader. I'm gonna kick his ass. My hands move frantically in the air out of annoyance, 'I am not helping you with anything!', I scream-shout into the phone, afraid I'll wake Mochi up in the hallway. She's a bigger annoyance than Leo; no one in the universe has energy to deal with a grumpy Mochi.

'Honey, you love me.'

'You're being delusional.', I deadpan.

'Is my chubby baby irritated?', he says in a fake cooing voice. And that got me.

'Leo, I did not call you at 3 in the fucking morning for you to put me down.'

The other side of the line immediately goes silent. Silence that reminded me of the last time this happened. Silence between the two of us on a Boba Tea study session in the park after an argument, the only sound being the pages of my sociology textbook being turned, and of the sound of baby birds in a nest nearby. Though I know that Leo meant it as a term of endearment, I couldn't believe he wouldn't ever, well, consider me more than just a friend because of it. A few seconds (sometimes minutes) pass before -

'I'm sorry, Lunie, you know I don't mean it,'

Another apology.

I sigh. I'm tired of this conversation again. I'm tired of having to deal with the same problem again. I'm tired of people putting me down. I'm tired of blaming myself. I'm tired of trying to look pretty. I'm tired of Leo. I'm tired of me. I'm tired of another heartbreak. I know his apology is genuine. I know he doesn't mean it. I know he's just being the Leo he always is. But somehow his words still continue to haunt me. Maybe it's because it's coming from someone who means to me the most, coming from someone who brightens me up, like the sun does to the moon.  Then why am I the only one taking it seriously? Why am I trying to fit into someone else's standards? Why am I so painfully aware of everything but still choosing to be blind?

Why am I not able to love myself even though I want to?

'Luna? You there?', his voice breaks me from my train of thought. Weirdly, he sounds quite scared. 'I didn't realize how much it bothers you, I swear I won-'

Mochi jumps onto the bed and snuggles into my head again, paws in a similar place in my hair. A weird sense of Deja vu washes over me again. And then-

『 pop! the world has reset.』

My eyes opened in fear as a gasp escapes my mouth. I'm sitting on my bed, trying to comprehend what just happened. The curtains flutter with the wind blowing by. The moon stares in curiosity. My phone's on the bedside table. The clock gleams with a bright '3:01 am' displayed on it. And the problem is that I wasn't dreaming, and I wasn't mistaking the time either.

I'm in a time loop.

II. a tub fills with water only to spill it.

I fucking hate whoever wrote Groundhog Day.

Like who decided that? Who decided to say 'Hey, let's make a movie based on time loops!'? 'Let's make a dude live the same day all over again till he gets it right! Let's make him really happy, then really sad!'

Son, I'm this close to pulling an Ides of March on you.

I seem to be looping every hour, more specifically from three in the morning to four. Five hours have passed by, but my clock tells me it's precisely 3:18 am. Great. My dearly detested friend, the moon, is my only companion in this war with time (sorry Mochi). In the five hours that should have gone by, I have accomplished the following:

Two and a half hours of sleep - though I wake up when the clock resets.

Half an hour of revision for that History test I need to write after I get out of this shit.

Thirty minutes of planning a workout, Fifteen minutes of Yoga.

Five minutes of trash talking the moon, Ten minutes of dealing with grumpy Mochi who woke up as I exercised.

Thirty minutes of wondering if Leo's looping with me, and

Half an hour of figuring out what went wrong, and how to make the night perfect.

I don't know how much longer I'll be able to remember anymore. I've tried everything - making notes, scribbling on the wall, writing on myself, engraving things on desk - but none of them seem to make it through when the loop resets. I'm too tired to talk to Leo, knowing very well that he would definitely not believe me. And partly because I'm afraid I'll lose my temper and get hurt again. I'm afraid I'll end up being the insecure bad guy, and he doesn't deserve that. He deserves someone better. Someone who's prettier, kinder and happier. Not telling him for the time being also meant that I'll never find out if he was looping with me. But that probably isn't the case, the universe is cruel for a reason. This is perhaps its punishment for me. I must go through this alone.  No one's ever been by my side anyways.

I'm as lonely as the moon.

/////-----

Another few hours pass. The pop between every reset scares me lesser and lesser. But my desperation to return back to normal is growing. I've been trying to figure out what went wrong for the past hour in the neighbourhood park. The cold air  perfectly paired up with the mint chocolate chip ice cream in my hands. Was it me staying awake this long? Should I have just gone to sleep?  There must have been something I did wrong that hour. My heart wishes to call Leo and confide in him. And the more time goes by, the more my mind wishes to oblige to that crazy request.

I pull out my phone, which gleams a bright '3:58 am'. It's almost time for the reset. In two minutes, I'll be magically transported back to my bed. I sigh. I can't take living the same hour again. The hour grips my sanity like it is a play toy. I waste another countless moment wondering where I went wrong.

『 pop! the world has reset.』

Well, I guess there's no place like home. I wonder if Mochi was worried the previous hour when she didn't find me in the bed. Do cats feel worry for their owners? Does Mochi care for me? What kind of a disgusting ship is this? Cringe, cringe, cringe. Shut up, Luna. I bury my nonsensical idea of my cat showing me love for once in the deep pits of my mind, and pretend I never thought of such blasphemy. I shift under my blankets, and decide to sleep through this hour, foolishly hoping that the reset would never take place if I was never awake, though I woke up when the clock reset each time earlier. My eyes look at the clock - 3:05 am.

That's when doorbell suddenly rang. I launch up in surprise. This didn't happen before. My heart begins to pound extremely hard, my head hazed in confusion. I run towards the door as quickly as possible stirring Mochi awake in the process, and fling it open.

It's Leo. And he's in tears.

His eyes are filled with fear, breath unsteady. Beads of sweat line his neck as he tries to get words out. Leo grips my hands tightly, as though he wants me to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay. This hasn't happened in a very long time. He's gotten a much better hold on his anxiety in the past few years. I pull him into a hug and mutter words of comfort. His head is leaning on mine, and his breath slows. I tell him we'd be alright, and hum a calming tune. And we stay like that for the next five minutes.  

'Luna,', Leo whispers into the night. 'Would you believe me if I told you something crazy?'

'Like what?'

'Like a war against the clock.'

And that's when I knew. Tears start brimming in my eyes as I give out a sigh of relief. 'Like a time loop?', I say as I hug Leo a little tighter. This time I needed one to remind me I wasn't alone. He seems to catch on as well, a sob escapes from him as he melts in. We stay in each other's arms, in each other's comfort - a place where walls were deaf to all the shared secrets, a sanctuary with no limits.

Oh, what I'd do to protect it.

Leo pulls away, his eyes disappear and his lips form into a sheepish grin. His face is puffy from all the crying, but it glows in the soft moonlight. My eyes widen in surprise as he grabs my hand and drags me out the door. I manage to see the clock on the kitchen counter gleaming with a bright '3:15 am.' before blood rushed to my face upon meeting the cold air.

'Where are we going? Are yo- ah it's fucking cold out here!', I complain.

'Ice Cream.' Classic hungry Leo. This boy is a demon.

iii. the twilight hour.

'What's wrong with you?!', I huff as I bend down to catch my breath and hide myself under a tree. Leo, on the other hand, is breathing quite easy, a stupid grin plastered on his face (oh, how I want to punch him). His hands hold up a bag with three tubs of mint chocolate Ice Cream like they're the greatest creation of God. 'Did you really have to steal Ice Cream?! Are you five?', I say as I recall the incident that just took place, how Leo basically ran out the convenience store with the sweet goodies without paying and left me, his dear, penniless (and only) friend as the bait to a potential flat-earther of a cashier (long story, don't ask).

And now we're here, the park I was in the previous hour. There's not a single soul around. The only companion being the moon once again. His smile shines through like the sun, however.

'I'm rweally sowwy, delulu,', he retorts.

'My name is Luna, and no one can ever be as delusional as you, you dill hole.', I say, my ears red.

'Good now, I shalt promoteth thee to 'Deluna'. Thee has't been felicitat'd.'

I click my lips in annoyance. I know quite well that when the clock resets, all the stolen Ice Cream would be back in the freezer. But I try my best to maintain a straight face to show my discontent. That's right Luna, assert your fucking dominance. I notice that his hazel eyes shining with the mischief I'm used to once again. He's back to the loud, obnoxious and teasing Leo he's always been. Leo who's carefree, Leo who's horribly reckless, Leo who finds happiness in uncertainty. My Leo. My lips slowly curl into a smile, and I give in. He's happy, and that makes me happy too. Leo suddenly pulls out his phone.

'Look here, Partner in time.', he says cheekily.  I hear a click. My brows wring into discomfort and confusion.

'What? You look pretty in the moonlight.', he states without skipping a beat. There's a million tugs in my stomach, and blood rushes to my bronze skin. Butterflies soon turn into more sinister as I remember our conversation on the phone earlier. My face falls, if only this boy knew what he puts me through. First I'm not good enough, and now I'm pretty? Does he really throw around stuff like that without giving it a second thought? Does he not realize all that he's putting me through?

This is pointless. My feelings for him are pointless. The amount of time I waste on this is pointless. 'Our friendship is pointless.', I say. Regret follows immediately. Leo's face turns grim too; an unreadable expression plastered on his face. I suddenly remember something I jotted down my sociology textbook.

words left unspoken, my hearts screams, my head's in pain, we are in conflict.

Tears well up in my eyes again. This is a conflict, the most peaceful one at that. Terrifying. One that makes you curl into a ball and wish you never existed. One fueled by guilt, by insecurity, by ignorance. I remember the rest of the poem.

one of us was meant to get hurt, almost as though the heavens proclaimed it, on the day of creation. the celestial sky cried tears of gold, for it knew fate was cruel, but humans are crueler.

My hands are getting colder. My breath is hitching as my sobs get louder. Leo rushes towards me and tries to pull me into another hug. As much as I try to resist, he pulls me into his embrace. Fear devours my heart as I realize how I didn't feel at home anymore. I knew this sanctuary was going to break sooner or later. My heart is sick. It pains far too much as it beats in his embrace. Will it stop if I pull away? I try.

It does.

'Luna, what's wrong?!', Leo asks, truly afraid of what was happening.

'Us, Leo. Us.', I reply, voice barely a notch away from a whisper.

'What's wrong with us? We're Leo and Luna! You're the other half of thi-'

'Stop. Please.', I say firmly. My head feels too heavy, my heart too light. The moon shines down on me in its disgusting glory. I can't take it anymore. 'You're the reason I hate the moon, Leo. Because you are the sun. You only shine on me to mock me. To make me feel inferior.'  

'What're you talking abou-'

My tongue clicks loudly. 'You're so hypocritical!  You're an asshole who makes me feel like I'm the only one in the world, before throwing me out yourself. You make me feel insecure, Leo. I don't feel like I'm myself with you anymore.', I say, vitriol burning my throat. 'You disregard what I feel for you, because I'm the moon. You outcast me, because I'm the moon. You tie me down.

'You remind me of why I'll never shine on my own.'

I look at Leo. His hazel eyes turned dark, head down in shock. There's not a single drop of water in his eyes. He stands under the moonlight in silence. I can hear my heart palpitating.

'Why do you think the Sun shines, Luna?', he whispers. 'Is it to light the day, or to light the night?', he asks, a little louder this time. I open my mouth to answer.

'It's to light the night, Luna.', he interrupts. He knew I'd say neither. The sun shines for himself. He is selfish.

'The sun sheds it's light, because if it didn't, the moon would never-'

'That's exactly the prob-'

'get to see the world.' I stop midway in confusion. What is he saying?

'The sun shines because he wants the moon to see the world, Luna. He shines because if he didn't, the moon would be lonely. He makes sure to shed the perfect amount of light on her, so that she guides the traveler without scalding them, without making them blind.

'If he never shone, he'd have never have found his other half. The sun would have been just as lonely as the moon would have, Luna. The sun and moon are a pair, not because the moon can't shine on her own, but because they are lonely without each other.', Leo says.

And epiphany struck down like lightning. Leo needs me as much as I need him. He'd be just as lonely as I'd been without him. The moon's identity without the sun hadn't ever been her own. It was due to the sun's light she was herself. The sun made her the moon, and the moon made him the sun. They were inseparable, as destiny willed them to be, for they needed each other. For the sun to shine the brightest, and the moon to give comfort. But all that didn't answer why-

'Why did you say I wasn't enough for you?', I say, reminiscing that day in the park.   I remember picking out a bouquet of purple lilacs after studying a book about plant symbolism in the library. I spent hours trying to make myself look pretty. I spent a lot of time trying to make up my mind. And everything came crashing down.

'Because you deserve more!', Leo says in defeat, fingers brushing into his hair. 'Do you know how much of a loser I am? You deserve a hunk-a-ilicous person, are you really going to settle for a noodle?!', Leo says, gesturing to his lean figure. As sarcastic as his response seemed, he meant every word of what he said. That's just how Leo is.

'Leo, that's exactly how I've been feeling this whole time.' I pull Leo into a hug.  

Leo is no different than I've been my whole life. He's just as insecure and broken as I am, as I've always been. All my life, I'd seen him as a completely different person. We have different hobbies, we have different personalities. But we're still similar in ways that make us, well, us. It's just that our sanctuary needed to break to have it's walls built back stronger. I feel at home again.

'You're more of a sausage though. Alri-ALRIGHT lemme clear up, you're MY sausage okay? The best one in fact, I will use you in all my dishes.', Leo says as I pull out of his embrace and find a stone on the road to attack the disrespectful brat. Leo runs away and makes his way behind the usual Banyan tree at the edge of the park. 'That's literally the worst nickname ever!', I yell as I chase him.

'Mine own dearest sausage I begeth thee to reconsid'r!'

'TRY ME BITCH.'

'Hey, hey wait.', Leo holds down my hands and blocks my attack, and I'm left with no weapon except for the daggers in my eyes I choose to use against him. 'So, what are we now?', he asks.

'We're still Leo and Luna, dumb head.', I say after giving it a thought. Leo opens his mouth to refute, but soon decides against it. I assume he's content with the answer. We were friends, nothing could ever break that. Would we ever be something more? Who knows, maybe we would in the future when we love ourselves a little more, when we're comfortable with who we are, rather than who we're with.

Until then, we are Leo and Luna.

///////------

My eyes flutter open. I am leaning on the trunk of the Banyan tree next to Leo. I find myself in sleepy laughter as I look at his head lodged in between the roots of the tree. And suddenly, I see light in the distance. I immediately wake up from my position near the tree and walk to the edge of its canopy, heart beating in my stomach and look at the sky outside. The dark navy night melts into a light lilac, small streaks of tangerine bordering the the horizon. The birds are beginning to chirp in the trees, though the street lights are still on.

The time loop has stopped.

Meanwhile, Leo had stirred awake. He runs with his eyebrows up in surprise and squeezes the life out of me before his eyes turned dark in fear.

'WE HAVE SCHOOL.', he exclaims. I ignore him, and choose to stare into the sky. I look at the twilight hour. The sun and the moon were side by side, in harmony, like Leo told me. Tears escape my eyes in a sense of accomplishment. I could rest now. I give myself a small hug, and tell myself I'd worked hard. ('LUNA DO YOU REMEMBER THE HAMMURABI CODE.' 'That is not important right now!') The sun rises up, and salvages the few moments he has with the moon. I turn my head to the side and see that the moon looks serene, her light glow slowly fading as she decides to rest too.

But above all, I see that the moon is no longer lonely.

a/n: ahhhh yes if you’ve made it this far, i truly truly appreciate you for reading this, it means a lot to me. the past few days have been a little weird for me, and it took more than just motivation for me to get through writing this. again, thank you to all my beta readers, i really treasure all of you! i’d really love to get an ask about the short story, so if you enjoyed, make sure to send me one! i hope everyone’s staying safe! stay tuned with us because we have another surprise coming soon!

alatcg taglist:  @blue-hairbrush, @kaavijournals, @artbyeloquent, @47crayons, @writing-is-a-martial-art

general writing taglist: @shinesundark, @the-writing-avocado, @raenawrites​

@original-writing​

[chanyeolyh]

aight i’m gonna have to request that none of you look really hard at this account because it is -75% finished and it’s ugly and that’s just not my aesthetic, i swear. i’m stella and i am always late for everything and if you cannot accept that as who i am then... honestly i understand i'm tired of my shit, too. i'm bring this charismatic asshole, chanyeol, to everyone. he's difficult and it's okay if you want to fight him, i understand. message me or like this if you want to plot and i'll come knocking at your inbox door!

* — ⌜ kang1, yoon jeonghan ⌟  ↝  has anyone else seen the kang heir walking around the hill lately ? their name is CHANYEOL and they are the kang’s oldest child. they’re twenty-four and currently a graduate student and paralegal, making their parents proud, i would hope. i heard they can be very playful but lately they’ve been quite manipulative. don’t tell anyone, but someone told me he’s just like his mother. i wonder if that’s true ?

trigger warning: mention of death

∽ to be quite honest chanyeol is the time to taunt you while your parents aren’t looking and get you in trouble while smirking and sticking his tongue out behind your parents back. he’s that bad kid that parents love and compare their children to. doesn’t really really have a reason for being two-faced. blame it on his mother, after all he learnt from the most two-faced person of all. ∽ grew up with a great father (who was kinda absent in his life??? usually busy??? but chanyeol loved his dad and understood) and a not so great mother who crushed him under her expectations. kinda feel like he had it worse growing up, because at first he was the shining star and then after his younger sibling was born, he was deemed a disappointment and the other sibling was promoted for shining star. chanyeol understands. he was better and naturally talented. chanyeol was the type who had to work hard to be acknowledged. thought he’d love no longer being under his mother’s thumb, but turns out he’s a normal kid and still craved his momma’s love and attention. ∽ surprisingly, and probably to his mother’s disappointment, he’s never hated or envied any of his siblings??? even if he was no longer the favorite and his mother had pretty much written him off as “no longer the best”, he freakin’ loves his little buddies and honestly views them as the best things that happened to him??? give him big brother of the year award, will 100% kill for his siblings. ∽ do not get him wrong, he knows just how twisted he can be and is… he hates being compared to his mother, but he’s more like her than he’d ever care to admit, and he blamed her for trying to mold him into a mini her. literally was told that no one in the world mattered except himself, and people were obstacles he had to climb over and use. ∽ does his best to make sure his siblings do not end up like himself or his mother because his own dynamic is toxic and bad and being a manipulative son of a bitch is the last thing he’d want them to be. a little hypocritical because he will adamantly insist they not do something and then turn around and do it himself, but he’s already tainted so he doesn’t see it as a big deal. ∽ siblings can do no wrong in his eyes??? don’t talk bad about him or he’ll make your life hell. king of spreading rumors, but usually has a good reason as to why he’s spreading them… for furthering his own goals or revenge. yep. good fantastic reasons. ∽ the death of his father kinda made him worse??? his father was always telling him not to do this, to consider other people, etc. but he doesn’t have that influence any more and his mom??? she plays so dirty??? silently at war with her, but damn do they look like a perfect mother - son out in the public eye. his mother was probably indifferent toward him at first, however since he’s been snooping around she’s also trying to bring him down. unfortunately for her, he’s a better snake than she is. ∽ the local polite thinks he’s a bad son, however, because he straight up accused her of doing something fishy but all they saw was a heartbroken woman sobbing loudly about losing her husband. they were old and quick to jump to a damsel’s defense, so the case is closed but he’ll pry it back open with his teeth if that’s what it takes. ∽ was going to pursue a career in music (in fact graduate with a degree in music), however now he’s interested in law. doesn’t plan to be a prosecutor, however being a paralegal has its perks and he’s learnt a lot. working to become a private investigator because as long as he doesn’t get caught, he can be as dirty as he wants. ∽ has his own place, but depending on where his siblings are located (if they also live alone/with him/with their mother), he often stays at the family home to be closer to his siblings. might be a dad bit paranoid something might happen to them. but behind closed doors, his mother has begun to threaten him and the easiest way to attack would be his beloved siblings. doesn’t have a fear that their lives are in danger, but wouldn’t put it past her to try and turn them against him??? ∽ actually really likes investigating things and the prosecutor he’s a paralegal for really let’s him be hands on so he’s learnt what he can’t do, what he can do and what he can’t do but can so long as he doesn’t get caught. ∽ honestly, chanyeol is a snarky and sarcastic guy, but it’s not hard for him to make friends either??? somehow charming and affable, but it’s really hard to know whether or not to take him seriously??? also have to be mad careful what you say around him, he's very interested in drama and he will spread things around if it benefits him or he simply does not like you. :) ∽ naturally flirtatious but 95% of the time he’s just trying to have fun and doesn’t really mean anything. noncommittal af. has had maybe one or two serious relationships and in those he either broke someone’s heart or someone broke his. and yet his bedroom is a revolving door so. honestly hooks up with people as a stress reliever but at least he’s up front about it, if you catch feelings it’s not on him; he’s surprisingly against leading someone he’s sleeping with on. unfortunately, he is not against leading someone he's not sleeping with on. ∽ surprisingly playful??? likes laughing at others??? really likes riling others up, if you give him a good reaction you’re just gonna be a target for him. usually not malicious, it’s just entertaining for him. ∽ veryveryvery private. he’ll ask a hundred questions about your personal life, but his lips are sealed in regards his. cryptic af and also very flippant??? his mind can change on a dime??? ∽ confrontational??? kinda??? but more as a source of entertainment… he’s got issues. ∽ very fake. very much a chameleon in that he changes colors to fit any situation. a pathological liar, kinda??? lies a lot. ∽ kinda just a bad guy. but it’s because he has hard time opening up to others and being vulnerable??? his mom really messed him up so he’s a less put together version of her. less lethal as well, as in he’s actually capable of loving and caring about others. 

give me enemies. people who can't stand him and people he can't stand. did he start a rumor about your muse? can't stand his fake persona? someone who got in trouble as a kid or teenager? couldn't stand your parents constantly compared you to saint chanyeol? maybe he's jealous of your muse for some reason? called him out on his mommy issues and struck a nerve so now he's trying to get back at you?

give me an ex best friend who everyone was like, "if you see one, the other isn't too far behind" and then one year they were at each others throats??? why??? what happened??? no one knows, but everyone knows it had to be big.

there's a rumor going around that you're dating. ironic because the two don't even get along??? but he loves getting under your skin so he's feeding the flames and subtly suggesting that the rumor isn't baseless.

need a convincing fake boyfriend??? chanyeol volunteers for tribute, but you owe him one. :)

a best friend or two??? "chanyeol your a son of a bitch, but that's okay", you can see past the grime and know he has a heart of... well, not gold, but it's shiny! that bestie who goes out and gets drunk with him and listens to him wax poetic about his piano. probably one of few who know he actually really did love the piano.

someone who thinks he's crazy for quietly investigating his own mother??? probably doesn't have all the details on his family life, and because you're taking such a "noble" approach he can't stand you. 

general friends??? ride or dies??? partner's in crime??? friends only when drunk, anything but when sober??? soft friends he must protect??? a squad of manipulative assholes???

he doesn't do relationships and that's probably because you broke his heart. :(

absolutely no one is surprised he broke your heart, everyone told you he was bad news but you didn't listen. what happened??? do feelings linger??? or just bitterness??? does he feel bad or not???

friends with benefits. no strings attached so it's all cool. or maybe you're getting attached??? or, what the hell, he's getting attached???

you two fist fought once. and you'll do it again.

someone who wants to help him with his investigation??? honestly, he might show it, but it'd mean so much to him.

aspiring pianist or just a curious hobbyist who is bugging him to help them learn how to play??? for some reason, he just can't say no.

someone very unlikely that he has a crush on??? no one would guess he'd ever fall for this person and even he's super confused??? 

people with cute, innocent crushes on him. he'll either think it's really cute or he's about to tease the hell out of you if he finds out.

an ex, but it's complicated??? they keep coming back to each other and then swear it won't happen again. 

a childhood friend who misses the sweet boy he used to be??? chan's very uncomfortable around them because they remind him of a better version of himself and he doesn't think he can ever go back to that.

need a rumor spread about someone??? go to chan. i will literally have him spread it in threads.

rivals!!! for any reason. 

a good influence that is soft and nice to him and brings out his sincere smiles!!!

you dislike one of his siblings and he's just Not about that??? or maybe he likes you but you hate his sibling(s) so he's conflicted??? to be friends or not to be???

idk really anything

i'll make a sexy list of sexily written plots when i get this mess of a blog under control

i'll also do a stats and bio pages

forgive me i am slow and lazy

[onisiondrama]

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“I Figured Something Out” Sept 24, 2020 Speaks

- Says he likes to make videos pointing out his flaws because when he realizes he was doing something wrong, he likes to point it out and move on. You shouldn’t bottle things up. - Says when he started making these video he was angry and over time he winded down. - Begs his follower to look into the Regina / Adam thing. Says Regina pretended to be a transgender person named Adam. He says he was told this by a friend of someone he loves, by someone he loves, by a Hansen insider, and two other people who looked into it. They fabricated a person and a story. He says it’s gross. He says he doesn’t know exactly what was said because he doesn’t watch those videos. - Says he recently watched a beautiful, capable, smart women talk about cancel culture and drama. She’s a republican who doesn’t believe in the far right or left. Says most people go with the flow, but she’s an individual. He says he didn’t care there were things she said that he disagreed with because of the way she spoke. He says when he talks to people online, he has to remember you’re not that different. We all have feelings and people are less reasonable in your opinion if you don’t approach them reasonably. He says he is too harsh and mean in his videos, unlike the women. He understands you’re not supposed to sugarcoat the truth, but other people have feelings. - (People are after him because he hurt their feelings.) - Brings up Regina again. He says he doesn’t know what their problem is because he never talked to them. Says there’s sincere mental illness sprinkled around the internet and it’s proven if you put Regina and Adam side by side. He says he hasn’t watch the videos side by side, but he’s seen photos. He says he doesn’t know how this got past the filters and how people can be so negligent to the truth. He says that’s what happens when you let anyone on a show. People come on to troll or to project their issues. - He says people who watched him may have felt talked down to. He says he spoke like that because he felt like his audience turned on him before he had a chance to explain why it was all ridiculous. He felt it was unintelligent for people to assume it was the truth, but he was in a situation where he was threatened with divorce if he talked. He was stuck between being the bigger person and staying silent while he was building up frustration seeing what people were saying about him. - Says if the Regina and Adam thing is true, it’s the funniest disaster that ever occurred on social media. People were saying there’s all these victims and one of them turns out to be someone dressing up as a new person. It’s bad enough people can fake texts, but when you fake a whole person that’s another level of crazy. He says he almost feels blessed to be subjected to that level of comedy. He says it’s clinically insane for someone to do that with a straight face. He says he never even heard of Adam. - When his marriage was on the rocks because of cuddlegate, he told Billie he wanted to be alone. Billie tried to work it out with him. Says that’s evil step-mom, homewrecker stuff. [I’m pretty sure he’s talking about when he made the fake divorce video and she contacted him.] Says he had the opportunity to run away and abandon his family. He chose to stay because he doesn’t want to be that dad that choses his lustful side over his heart. He broke down crying at one point because he almost let down his family and he almost lost them. He didn’t talk to Billie for a few months after cuddlegate until Kai was like “uwu”. He says he told Kai it was a bad idea and it ended horribly. Says he’s done better than his dad and numerous other dads. - Says he doesn’t speak to people in his life as respectfully as he should. - Anyone in his shoes would be just as bitter and angry as he was. Some people wouldn’t even be alive. He lashed out because he didn’t get a fair chance. People won’t do a charity stream with him. - Once he told his full side in videos, people didn’t want to interview him anymore because he didn’t seem crazy anymore. - Says he was part of the mob against Chris Brown. He said he’s had people scream in his face and he didn’t do anything illegal to them. He called the cops on them. - (Patreon ban, he didn’t dox on purpose) - He says he wants to get rid of boob squeeze because it’s cringey to him. [thank god!]

“My Social Life- Before And After COVID” Sept 25, 2020, Speaks

- (Chris Hansen covid cure) - Says before COVID he stopped going out in public because people were taking picture of his children and posting them to the internet. An employee at Lowes and at Dairy Queen took photos of his children. He’s protective of them. A man [Hansen] showed up to his house when his kids were home. - He was thankful when COVID hit because people would stay away from him. He’s happy he has to wear a mask. He was wearing a different disguise in public before the masks. - (Kai threatened divorce if he spoke) - Says people’s emotions and mental illness cloud their memories. He conquered that when he was 17. A girl dumped him and he told her she was a monster. This was before people would seek clout so it was just between them. He says he supports her breaking up with him because they weren’t meant to be. - Seeing how crazy Seattle and society has gotten, he doesn’t want to be apart of it.  - He was socially lynched without going to court. (Mike went to court) - COVID gave him on excuse to avoid everyone and family members. He says COVID is horrible and people have died, but for him it came at an interesting time. He compares it to when a kid bullied him really hard in elementary school and died in a sledding accident. Says some dude or chick in a truck hit the kid. He says another time a guy was bullying him hard and that guy died in a motorcycle accident. He gave his helmet to his girlfriend. He died a hero. He gave up his life for someone. He was handsome and had his life ahead of him. - Says according to his mother, his father got a women killed by not giving her a helmet. He kept it for himself. His father also allegedly slept with his cousin. His dad tried to sue him and failed. Three of his family member accused his father of being a predator. - A reporter interviewed his father and his father acted like a hero.  - His mom is the one who left his dad. He says she didn’t have to fight for custody so there’s no motivation for her to lie. - (beat up his dad story) - Criminal experts will agree with him to follow the money in cases because money is the root of all evil. Like a news station that will make more money by making a monster instead of telling a true story. It is not profitable to tell both sides. - People like black and white stores, not stories where both people make mistakes. - He love isolation. He was covered in his father’s blood when he went to juvie. His white shirt was brown with dry blood. He was happy to be there because he was away from people and life was simpler. Everybody in there was flawed, which is better than being with his hypocrite god-loving father. Typical Seventh Day Adventist garbage. Greg says he was one as well. When he was 13 he prayed and told god he wanted nothing to do with him. Many amazing things happened to him after that. - Says you have a lot of drifters who came and destroyed someone consistent in you life, then they left. He was that consistent person. He was making hundreds of videos and entertaining thousands of people per video. Now he’s down to 900 to 3,000 views per video. They came, they destroyed, they left. They destroyed someone you connected with, had a real bond with. A lot of you cheered them on as they did this and then they left. Now you’re left with the same person, but he’s more broken. He believed in good people before, but now that he was dragged down into dirt, he has dirt in his eyes. He can’t see the sun or trees. He can just see dark and sadness. He still feels your spit on his face from when you millions of people beat him senseless socially. - He says he saw a legitimate news source says there was an FBI investigation about him. Says the FBI never contacted him. - Leafy recently suggested he should become an actor. He compares it to Kevin Spacey. Says it would be sad to lose a netflix show or a movie deal because of people saying things about you. He says imagine people who were going to be on that show with you stop talking to you because they don’t want to be dragged down with you. He’s glad he wasn’t that big when he fell because it would have hurt more. Now he gets to be a no one who knows who he really is when most people live in an alternate reality. - When he lost BillyTheFridge as a friend, he didn’t lose anything because Billy was a fake friend. Billy wanted to be a white knight. Joe and Anastasia were great friends and wanted to still talk to him. Billy later on realized James wasn’t as evil as he thought and invited him to lunch with them. Says he (James) backed out and decided to stop talking to all of them. He says it’s sad he lost Joe and Anastasia as friends, but he didn’t want to drag them into the drama and make their lives more miserable. Having friends was a burden and he didn’t want them to hurt. - (Regina / Adam) Dobs is barking. - He feels like this whole thing is a grand opportunity to look at things the way they are. He doesn’t trust anyone anymore and he doesn’t believe in friendships anymore. - He swears on his life he’s more honest than Sarah, Billie, and Shiloh.

[veiledpeaches]

chance encounters | part ii: i just want to be untangled

Summary: Between pages of meddling friends and societal expectations, all she actually wants is to find a happily ever after with Doyoung, even if it feels like that is no longer possible.

part i x part ii x part iii x part iv x part v x part vi

word count: 3.5k

GIF originally posted by @lukhei​

Johnny’s laugh rings loud and infectious in her ears, and Haewon squeezes her eyes shut as the glare of the morning sun shines into the passenger seat. She had forgotten her damn sunglasses. They had left their apartment at barely eight in the morning, but the sun was relentless nonetheless. It’s still too early to think, and Johnny hasn’t even had his morning coffee but he remains energetic as ever, his pink aviators jovially perched on the bridge of his nose.

“He really said that?” He turns to pull down the passenger seat visor for her, “that the kid won because of how he looks?”

“There’s no way something like that could win!”  Haewon mimics, “the emotions are too raw and the writing is too unrefined. He doesn’t even know his tenses!”

Johnny erupts into raucous laughter once again, “he’s such a literary snob!  I swear, for someone who preaches about discovering young authors’ works and all that future generations stuff, he’s a hell of a hypocrite.” Johnny’s shoulders are still shaking from laughter as he shakes his head.

Haewon smiles, “well, he’s thorough.”

“That’s what makes him so attractive to you, isn’t it?” He turns to wink at her playfully, but his face falls into concern when he hears a long sigh escape from her lips as she sinks deeper into her seat.

“So how’re you doing there kiddo?” He’s deliberately being generic, but Haewon can tell what he’s referring to.

She inhales deeply, and then lets it go.

“I don’t know,” she replies truthfully.

“It’s a month and a half to the big day,” Johnny softens his voice, slowing down to switch lanes. “Doyoung told me you haven’t RSVP’d yet.”

They don’t say the word ‘wedding’ in their conversations anymore, not since they got their invitations in the mail and Johnny watched her sink into their couch, her shoulders bunched and jaw tightened. Because Haewon doesn’t cry – not sober, anyway – and Johnny doesn’t have the heart to ask her to let it out, knowing how obstinate and prideful she can get about her feelings.

Three years ago, in a conversation with Mama Suh, Johnny unintentionally found out that his childhood friend was planning a move to Seoul. Upon further probing, it seemed that she had left a difficult relationship two years ago and really needed a change of scenery. While she’s only three years younger than him, Johnny has always felt protective over the shy girl who likes to read and who used to live two houses down from his, and had reached out to her without qualms. A month later, a place and a position was ready for Haewon.

What Johnny wasn’t ready for, was seeing the look on her face when Doyoung dropped off some food from Mama Kim at their house – that expression that revealed that she had fallen too deep and too fast, before Johnny had told her anything personal about Doyoung.

“What would you do if you were me?”

“I wouldn’t go. You don’t have to do this to yourself, Haewon.” Johnny clucks his tongue, signaling a left turn to the driver behind. “He’s just your boss, you don’t owe it to him. Just make something up.”

That’s true, she thinks. After all, he’s just my boss.

And in a couple of months, maybe even something less.

Finding Doyoung in a sea of dark-haired, frustrated travelers isn’t easy, so Haewon is thankful when she hears his voice saying her name. She swivels around, and Doyoung is standing in front of her, hair down in a natural center parting with the biggest, silliest grin on his face. Haewon thinks he’s most breathtaking like this; his striking brown eyes and the slope of his cheek catching the light in the airport as he smiles handsomely, and Haewon can’t help but smile back. She doesn’t usually get to see him like this, in a green shirt tucked under blue ripped jeans and a white denim jacket pulled onto him, complementing his wide shoulders.

“I knew you’ll be lost,” he teases smugly, “you hate crowds as much as I do.”

She laughs, unzipping her bag to hand the file over to him. He looks through the documents quickly, humming as he counts the papers in his hand before stashing it in his Valentino crossbody.

“Will there be someone waiting for you at JFK?”

He nods, “yeah, the company is sending a representative. Don’t worry about me! I’ll see you next week…”

A familiar face catches her eye and Haewon thinks she sees Doyoung’s fiancée standing a few feet away from them, smiling radiantly at the person next to her. She’s surprised, finding something strange about seeing Inhee here but being unable to put her finger to it. It doesn’t register in her brain that Inhee was only supposed to be back the following Sunday until another figure steps into her line of vision and wraps his arm tightly around her shoulders.

Haewon’s feels her blood run cold. She vaguely hears Doyoung saying her name, but is unable to respond as she all but drags him towards the departure hall without a second thought.

He’s frantically asking her what is wrong, but Haewon can’t seem to hear him against the thumping of her own heart. She doesn’t want to believe what she had just seen, but the scene flashes in her mind repeatedly, each time clearer than the last.

“You can’t be late for your flight, boss!” She fakes a laugh, “I’ll see you when you’re back!”

Doyoung still looks befuddled and unconvinced, but he gives her a smile and wave as he enters the departure hall obediently, checking the time on his watch.

She watches his silhouette become smaller and smaller before he completely disappears into the crowd, her mind whirling with images. She doesn’t forget the way crippling fear had flashed in Inhee’s eyes as she watched Haewon pull Doyoung towards the departure hall, her lover’s lips still in her ear.

Doyoung hadn’t been interested in dating in high school, until he met Inhee in his last year. According to Johnny, Doyoung’s mindset towards high school had been different from many others. He saw high school as a transitional phase, a time to try out as many things as possible and fill up his portfolio with accolades before university. He was student body vice president, chief editor of the school magazine and a short distance runner on the track and field team. He was far too busy dealing with entrance exams and early college applications, until Inhee came into his life.

Inhee was the president of the dance club and obnoxiously popular, acknowledged for her good looks and good heart. And unlike his schoolmates, perhaps Doyoung would never have even given her a second glance at that point in his life, if she hadn’t slipped him her number after his event on their school’s sports day.

The first time Haewon formally met Inhee was three years ago on Valentines’ Day, a month after she joined Dam-il. Johnny had already informed her of Doyoung’s attached status, but she couldn’t put a face to the name – until Inhee walked by her desk with a big beautiful smile, all red Lancôme lipstick and smelling like Chanel, into Doyoung’s office and encircled her arms around his neck, planting a generous kiss on his mouth.

(“She kind of looks familiar,” Haewon had whispered to Yuta on the phone that day after Inhee had lowered the blinds around Doyoung’s office and locked his door. “I feel like I’ve seen her somewhere…”

Yuta had scoffed into his phone. “Like, on every, single, Korean Air poster?”)

Inhee is difficult to hate – this is something Haewon had quickly gleaned after a short interaction with her. Her beauty is dizzying, her confidence making her even more charming without making her appear conceited, and she takes care of Doyoung so well. She is constantly showering the office with late afternoon snacks, visiting Doyoung for lunch on days she doesn’t have to fly. And while she hates books and anything to do with writing, and they don’t arguably have that much in common, she has always supported Doyoung in his career to a fault.

Haewon wishes she could hate Inhee, but she makes him so happy.

(Sometimes, on nights she feels particularly petty, Haewon counts the number of compatible traits she has with Doyoung, comparing it to that of him with Inhee. Truthfully, she does this to comfort herself, wistfully hoping to feel less pathetic given the knowledge that these things don’t matter when they all know who has Doyoung’s heart.)

“You have to tell him.”

Haewon looks up from her plate in surprise, meeting Johnny’s eyes. After Haewon had blurted out what she had seen at the airport, Johnny had fallen awfully silent, concentrating on the road ahead of them and only asking factual questions. Haewon had never seen him so serious before, watching his expression morph from disbelieving to crestfallen as the news gradually sunk in.

It had taken four hours and a whole pot of fettuccini for Johnny to say something.

She looks at him for a moment, twirling the pasta with her fork and making endless bolognese sauce circle patterns.

“Don’t get me wrong – I think he should know. But you don’t think that would be overstepping? It’s not really any of my business.”

“I’m over it.” Johnny comments abruptly, until he catches Haewon’s judgmental look. “I meant the betrayal. I’m over it. She’s not my fiancée, I’m not going to invest any more of my emotions in this.

“But practically, have you thought about this? If she can cheat so close to the wedding, do you think she’ll stop even after?” Johnny’s voice is low and measured. “God, I’m so glad I RSVP’d no. I don’t think I’d have been able to stomach it, especially now knowing this.”

Unlike Haewon, it had only taken Johnny two days to respond to Doyoung’s wedding invitation, citing an emergency company conference happening in London. This hadn’t sat well with Doyoung, at least not according to what Haewon had overheard when she had reached home a little earlier that day.

(“Look, why on earth would I want to miss your wedding, Dons?” Johnny had been facing the living room window, his grip firm on the windowsill. “You’re- No, you don’t need me there, Doyoung, I am one person. You’ll have your whole wedding party there, all your high school friends and your entire family. You won’t even realize I’m not there.”)

Johnny has never been the biggest fan of Inhee – an opinion he has never hid from Doyoung since day one. While likening Inhee’s personality to an annoying yellow cartoon character, Johnny had been frank with Haewon about his inability to hold back from cringing at how extraneous, overblown and unnecessarily exuberant she is. To top it off, her fiancé happens to be practically Mensa level intelligent, while Inhee…

(“I was telling Doyoung about a new accounting system the company had decided to adopt, how I had thought that it was offered to us at a price that was too good to be true,” Johnny had recounted to Haewon at dinner one night, “and he told me maybe we needed to kick the tires on that offer first.”

“And she went,” Johnny had started to imitate her voice and gone up to a vocal inflection that was uncalled for, “oh, maybe you should kick the trunk too!’”

Haewon had almost choked on her dinner.

“I thought to myself, ‘what about kicking the bucket?’”)

The hilarity of his condescension aside, Johnny has always been at least respectful to Inhee, an implicit understanding of their respectful roles in Doyoung’s life at the forefront of his interactions. From her understanding of Johnny, she had been pretty sure that the reason he had given was legitimate, that he wouldn’t intentionally miss Doyoung’s wedding for any reason, but now there seems to be room for second guessing.  

“I don’t know, maybe I misjudged the situation-”

Then she saw the look on Johnny’s face.

“Okay fine,” she picked at her food, “but I can’t ruin their relationship.”

“You’re not ruining their relationship; the relationship was ruined the moment she decided to cheat! You’re doing him a favor, you’re-” Then he realizes. “You’re projecting.”

“What?”

Johnny gnaws at his bottom lip, turning ideas over in his head. “You know what I’m thinking?” He continues when she doesn’t reply. “I think you want to tell him, but you think that the part of you who wants to tell him is the same part of you who’s in love with Doyoung.” He sighs. “That’s the real reason you can’t tell him, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but it’s not just that.” She takes his empty plate, scooping more pasta for him.

“The whole time we were in the car, and then back home, I’ve gone over so many scenarios in my head, of how this situation may turn out. The conclusion is always the same – he needs to know.

“I don’t need to be the person who tells him, but if I were in his position, I would want someone to tell me. Even if she ends it – which I really hope she does – it’s unfair to him if he doesn’t know that there was a time her heart didn’t belong to him. It is definitely cruel, but far less cruel than the idea of living in an illusion.

“It’s just that… I can’t think of a way to tell him without hurting him.”

Her phone rings, saving her from the conversation with Johnny, but his eyes are steady when he mouths to her “we’re not done” as she picks up her phone.

“It’s me.” The voice on the phone is quieter, gentler and wearier than ever, but undoubtedly belonging to Doyoung’s fiancée.

“Hi Inhee.” Johnny’s head whips up, his eyes widened.

“Can we talk?” She asks for them to meet later in the afternoon, then tells her that she would text her the details. Johnny has a resigned smile on his face when she puts down the phone.

“So it was her you saw at the airport.” He says lamely.

“Seems like it.”

“At the risk of sounding presumptuous, I’m just going to say what we’re both thinking – that if Doyoung had met you before he’d met her, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. If he’d met you a bit earlier, she wouldn’t even have been an option.”  

Johnny’s loyalty is touching, but not especially helpful in light of the present situation, when she’s faced with the quandary of meeting Doyoung’s fiancée at a café two hours later. Even across the street, she can see her perched against the window of the café, wringing her hands nervously. Her hair is brought up into a high ponytail today, and she looks stunning in a baby pink tweed dress and short white boots.

Inhee’s gaze meets hers as she crosses the road towards the café, pursing her lips together as Haewon smiles casually back.

“I got Americanos for both of us,” she blurts immediately when Haewon pushes the door and the wind chime tinkles brightly.

She takes a deep breath. “I’ve seen you drink cups of them every day.”

“Thanks.” Haewon pulls out the chair and takes a seat.

It’s close to a minute later before Haewon speaks again. Clearly Inhee isn’t going to broach the subject, but she refuses to either. “Cool nails.”

This brings a small smile to Inhee’s lips. “Thank you.”

The waitress arrives, placing hexagonal marble coasters down onto the table and then the drinks onto the coasters. Haewon sips on her coffee, looking at the way the patterns converge on the coaster.

“I won’t make this long, I have a flight to catch…” Inhee gestures towards the luggage sitting next to her, pressing her lips together. It doesn’t take a genius to know that she was meeting her thick-lipped lover.

“Did you… Did you tell him?” Inhee’s voice is softer this time.

Haewon looks up at her, watching flecks of fear dance in her eyes, and shakes her head.

Inhee nods her head and inhales, as if expecting this response.

“Are you… going to?”

She licks her lips and places the coffee back down onto the coaster. “I don’t want to, but yes if I have to.”

Inhee let out a laugh with an edge. “Of course you would.”

“What do you mean by that?”

She scoffs quietly, lifting her gaze slowly, her lips pulling back to resemble a scowl and her jaw tightening. Haewon had never seen her like that.

“You think I don’t see the way you look at my fiancé?”

Haewon swallows, unable to reply.

“Kang Haewon, I know that you’re in love with Doyoung.”

Haewon concentrates on her breathing, falling silent in favor of Inhee’s calculated monologue.

“You're not fooling anyone. You are constantly around him, you’re close to Johnny-”

“I’ve never tried to do anything.” It’s like a dam has broken, and the words rush out of her mouth before she can stop them. They’re not the wrong words, they just seem self-centered, like she’s attempting to justify herself when there’s a relationship independent of her that’s at stake.

“I’m just saying, don’t factor me into the equation. It’s always been professional. It’s my job to be around him, and when it’s not, when he wants to be around Johnny, I always excuse myself.”

There’s something cruel about being so self-righteous as the lips and hands of her boss’ fiancée tremble uncontrollably, but Haewon lets her words cut through. It feels like with every word, she’s slowly regaining the breaths that had been stolen from her all these years. She watches as something hard darts around in Inhee’s eyes, the same eyes that reflect her own rigid posture.

“He was attached even before I knew him, and passionately in love. I could never take that away from him-”

“You don’t think I know that you’re the reason Johnny isn’t coming to the-”

“You flatter me too much.” Haewon chuckles humorlessly, tucking strands of hair behind both her ears. “So is this why you asked to meet? Because if this is it, I would like to leave.”

She gets up from her seat, placing way too many bills that the coffee could be worth on the table before turning to leave, but stops short at Inhee’s next statement.

“Things haven’t been okay for a while now.”

Even as she sits herself back down, Inhee’s gaze remains far away from her.

“Doyoung works late every night. We hardly spend much time in the same room anymore. We don’t even talk anymore, about our lives and our work.” Something occurs to her, and she lets out a laugh somewhat verging on hysterical, “do you know we haven’t had sex in four months?!”

She looks at Haewon, like she’s searching for an answer she knows she can’t give her. And Haewon, she tells herself not to avert her eyes as Inhee squeezes her hands together. The whole scene feels vaguely invasive, bearing witness to the chipping of a stranger’s carefully polished veneer.

“You don’t need to tell me this-”

“I kept telling myself it’s wedding jitters, but…” Inhee bites back a cry, “I think he doesn’t love me anymore.”

She bursts into tears, shaking and crying into her hands. It’s like the glossy, rosy façade of the airline poster girl is slowly being lifted off, the remains of an embittered, desperate shell of a person sitting in front of her.

Haewon doesn’t know what to do, but can’t find it in herself to completely retract from the situation, so she pulls her chair towards Inhee, not even blinking when Inhee throws her arms around her and sobs even more mournfully.

“I know I don’t deserve to say this… but I just love him so much. I don’t want to lose him, Haewon, I’m so scared.”

“He’s my whole world, he has always been…”

It feels like hours later when she leaves the café, hailing a cab for a broken-hearted Inhee to take her to wherever she might want to go. She feels the tell-tale buzz of her phone in her pocket, knowing instantly that Johnny must have grown impatient of waiting for her update on this meeting.

But as she checks the notification banner on her phone, as her brain wraps around the curves of the letters forming the name of the email sender, her heart almost skips a beat.

Nothing, however, can prepare her for the first line she reads on her locked screen.

Congratulations! I am delighted to inform you…

xx

w/n: last week’s update was intentionally postponed to this week; there will be regular posting (shifted to Saturday, 11pm KST) from now on.

also, I’m sorry for my long and sometimes convoluted sentences. i try my best, but we all know fic!doyoung would never give any of my work a second glance tbh. unlike the young author, however, i willingly apologize for my tenses.

[imagineaworld]

flatmates | hs

part 2 - in which y/n upsets harry and makes a mistake

overview: harry and y/n are flatmates at uni and they don’t get on very well

word count: 1.1k

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex/alcohol, angst

masterlist

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“you fucking idiot!” you shouted.

if harry wasn’t already awake, he was now. “what?” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“your card was on the fucking table.” you fumed, throwing it at him.

harry gave a sleepy grin. “i know. just wanted to see if you’d actually let me sleep with you.”

“get out!” you yelled.

he huffed. “fine.” 

picking up his shoes and card, harry strolled out of your room and into his own. you cursed him and took back every decent thought you’d had about him recently. 

“didn’t sleep with me.” you muttered to yourself. you hadn’t slept in your bed last night. you finished your paper and napped on the couch for a couple of hours. when you woke up in the morning, you had found harry’s card on the table in the common room.

tired and irritated, you flopped down onto your bed. the delicious scent of harry’s cologne invaded your nose and you groaned as you got up, stripped your bedsheets and trudged to the laundry room.

“where you off too?” harry asked cheerily as you passed him. he switched direction so he was walking beside you.

“to wash my sheets.” you stated the obvious, in case he couldn’t tell from the bundle of bedding in your arms.

he placed a hand on his chest in fake offence. “i don’t have cooties, y’know.”

“please,” you scoffed. “you’re a walking std.”

"ouch." harry said, genuinely hurt this time but you didn't pick up on it.

"am i wrong?" you point out. "you'll shag anything with a pulse."

harry fell behind. "right." he muttered before turning back around and walking in the other direction.

after this, he stopped talking to you as much. at first, you didn't mind because you were still mad about the stunt he pulled with the card. but after a week or so, you began to miss his cheery 'hello's when he walked into the room.

one morning, you walked into the common room to find him sitting on the sofa scrolling through his phone.

"mornin'". you greet.

he doesn't reply. maybe he didn't hear you.

"harry?" you pressed.

he hummed in response.

shaking your head at his rudeness, you poured yourself a bowl of cereal and sat down next to him.

he didn't even look up from his phone screen.

"good talk." you quipped. "harry?"

"what?" he snapped, finally looking at you.

you frowned in confusion. "what's your problem?"

he shook his head, indicating that he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him. another one of your flatmates walked in and you decided to finish the conversation (if you can call it that) another time.

“you coming tonight, y/n?” your flatmate, max, asked.

he was referring to going out for your friend sophie’s birthday. it also happened to be a saturday, when the clubs were always packed.

“yeah.” you told him.

“cool, she’s doing pre’s at her flat, we can walk there together.”

harry muttered something under his breath that you didn’t quite catch before he got up and stalked out of the door, slamming his bedroom door shut.

you wondered why harry was behaving like this suddenly. and then you wondered why you cared. shaking harry from your mind, you spent the rest of the day preparing for the night out and harry spent the rest of his day in his room.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar room. eyes straining in the light, you looked around to see your dress from last night in a heap on the floor. realising what you’d done, you turned to look at the figure next to you in the hopes you will recognise them.

you vaguely recognised him as a boy from your lectures. you weren’t sure of his name because you’d never had a conversation with him. until last night apparently.

feeling absolutely sick to your stomach, you wanted nothing more than to go back to your flat, have a shower and some water. silently, you slipped your clothes back on and picked up your heels. you wondered if you should leave a note but you figured he probably remembered as much as you did: nothing.

clutching your stomach the entire way, you managed to make it back to your flat. 

“you didn’t come back last night.” harry was leaning against the kitchen counter when you walked into the common room. “who was it?”

“none of your business.” you said, making your way past him to get a glass of water. 

harry watched as you took small sips of the water. “hungover?”

“as fuck.” you mumbled, not wanting to speak too much for fear of vomiting. “shower.” you told harry as you set off.

after a shower and some paracetamol, you felt mildly better. harry was still in the common room when you went to get some food in your system.

“so who was it?” he asked again.

“just a guy from my class.” you said vaguely.

“what, i don’t get a name?” 

you just shrugged in response. you knew how bad it was that you didn’t know the name of the person you slept with. it was something you’d never done before, and you felt guilty enough about it without harry making it worse.

“you know his name, right?” harry pressed. your silence and inability to meet his eyes told him all he needed to know. “wow. what a fucking hypocrite.”

“excuse me?” you gasped, looking at him with a bewildered expression.

harry shook his head. “you criticised me for shagging people i don’t know and then you go and do exactly the same thing.”

“one time!” you raise your voice. “you do it every day!”

“no, i dont’!” harry shouts back. “not that you would’ve noticed but i haven’t done it in ages!”

it suddenly clicked, that’s why he hadn’t been talking to you. “is that what this is about? what i said the other day?” your voice was softer now.

harry didn’t say anything.

“harry, i’m sorry. i was joking, i didn’t think-”

he cut you off, “no, you weren’t. that’s what you think of me. always has been.”

“that’s not true,” you reasoned. “and even so, it doesn’t matter to me. it was genuinely a joke, harry. i’m really sorry it upset you.”

harry’s shoulders deflated as he let out a sigh. “i’m sorry too. i shouldn’t have called you a hypocrite.”

“no, you’re right. and i’m sorry for that too.”

you felt awful about what you had said the other day now that you knew how much it upset him. it was meant to just be a joke, you had no idea he’d take it so seriously. 

“we good?” you asked sheepishly.

he nodded. “yeah, we’re good.”

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && roman

WHEN: january 24-26th 

DESCRIPTION: just best friends talking and being obsessed with each other. rae confides in him about her ex drama.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: drug mention, probably sex mention.

@romanbeckett​

Roman

Hi love of my life. I miss your face. How’s it going??

raelynn

my baby

god, i miss you too. i'm doing okay, how're you tonight?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

it’s been an off day, not even gonna lie lol super sore and tired. I just wanna be back to normal already

raelynn

oh no

how's your scar healing up? the boys are taking care of you right??

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

it’s okay I guess bleh lol and not tonight. I’m all alone

raelynn

Where's Q? Is Aaron working?

Well I guess I should know that since I'm literally at work. Lmao.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Q is working on music. Aaron has des tonight

raelynn

ugh. i wanna lay with you and kiss ur face.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

are you busyyy? I can burn us some cookies

raelynn

i'm working but I'd love to see you after if you're still up.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

of yeah you just said you’re at work lmao fucking weed

yes please come by when you’re done

raelynn

LMAO I KNOW THE FEELING

absolutely, i'm yours.

u know niamh was trying to figure out who rue's date was and she was like "is it you" bc i mentioned that I have a dick appt with him tomorrow night.

and i was like. dude, no, for like, a thousand reasons. like, why would that ever be me???

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚n.

oh god, I’m so out of the loop with gossip lately, it’s sad. I didn’t even know he had a date lol

raelynn

it's apparently some big secret but he's having people help him dress up and asking about flowers and candy and niamh is like "bitch is it you" and i'm like. LMAO.

like is there anything about me that says flowers and candy

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

Hahahahahhahahahahaha HAHAHA

that really made me laugh too hard.

raelynn

like, i'm not the flowers girl, i'm the sneak out in the night girl, the middle of the afternoon girl, all those things, but flowers girl???? sdkfdskksd

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m 100p a flowers girl

raelynn

YOU ARE AND YOU'RE WORTH IT MY BABY

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

my parents are coming in to town this week. Gotta tell them I have two boyfriends haaaa. Pray for me

raelynn.

I feel like that should be the least shocking thing about you??? In a good way.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yeah, I definitely keep them on their toes

raelynn

tell ur boyfriend that if he wants me to continue wearing body glitter he's going to have to pay me extra

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

omg but I love body glitter fyi

raelynn

I did an onlyfans video with Lilah earlier and I'm like 80% sure that I left glitter on her sheets. Like I'm a fucking unicorn.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

that makes me so happy I can’t even lie

I too wanna leave glitter everywhere

man I need to do only fans

raelynn

i would a thousand percent subscribe

both bc i'm a perv and also bc i'm a very supportive best friend.

we could get naked and do a body glitter photoshoot

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

and I love this about you

that sounds like a dream?? Wow

raelynn

would love nothing more than to apply body glitter to ur glorious tiddies.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

my tillies would appreciate it

Hahahaa it hurts to laughhhh

raelynn

SORRY SORRY I'M GOING TO BE VERY SERIOUS NOW

clears throat Um. The National Debt.

it is my understanding that there is. National Debt.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

hahahah I love you

raelynn

Blah blah, topics. Blah blah, smart people jargon, blah blah

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

god it’s so boring isn’t it

would so much rather talk about titties

raelynn

God same.

Like how yours are somehow bigger than mine.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I know, I need some sort of support at this point I think

raelynn

we could get you fitted for bras somewhere maybe that'd be fun

it'd look actually so hot

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

well I already wear lingerie in the bedroom. Might as well.

raelynn

you will be the absolute death of me, you're simply too gorgeous and too sweet to exist.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

stahhpppp you’re making me blushhhh. Right back atcha my babe

raelynn

is there anything you want me to bring you when i'm done here?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

just yourself. I’ve got good ass weed

raelynn

and for the millionth time, i realized, you are my soul mate.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

you’re mine, lovie.

raelynn

i wish i could've had appendix surgery instead of you

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

noooo don’t be silly lol I’m okay darling.

raelynn.

no i hate that you were in pain even for like a second i hate it so much!!

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

stop it, I love you. You cutie. Oh god okay I’m gonna make us cookies.

raelynn

Dont burn the house down my beautiful twin flame

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I always get cookie dough thinking I’ll do better next time. I still have that unearned confidence

raelynn.

Thats bc im always building you up and rightfully so

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

yes you do and I live for it. I also really love fresh cookies right out of the oven, I just want to make that happen

raelynn

I believe in you my little tropical starfish

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

raelynn

literally you

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

hehehehe ⭐️

raelynn

i don't think anybody's ever gonna love me more than you

and i think. i think maybe that's okay?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

that’s not true. You’re gonna find someone who is gonna blow you away

raelynn

yeah but even if i did, would I even be able to love them without being scared of them?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

yeah, I think so. I’ve had to overcome a lot of walls and fears myself that I never thought I could. The right person makes it easier.

raelynn

idk there are a lot of people i could've loved if i hadn't been so....this lmao

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I think it’ll just take some time!

raelynn

you have so much faith in me.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

of course I do. I think you can do anything.

raelynn

i'm not really sure.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you don’t have to be cause I ammmmm

raelynn

and you're the smartest person in the world

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

in the whole world?? Damn. I’m not near as rich as I should be then.

raelynn

how about I stay over with you tonight and we get some breakfast in the morning? I did really good on tips tonight.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

okay!! I’d love that

raelynn

good 'cause i don't get to spend nearly as much time with you as i wanna

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I knowwww. We haven’t had a sleepover in so long

raelynn

you can cuddle up to me and i'll feed you cookies and kiss your hair

revolutionary. better than therapy.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Yes!!!!

raelynn

loml

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I finished the cookies baby and I didn’t burn them to a crisp

raelynn

you fucking legend

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I’m pretty damn proud of myself not gonna lieeeee

[...]

raelynn

extremely sad that i couldn't stay at breakfast with you all day

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

same

now I’m bored

raelynn

i swear after i left you my day went down the tubes.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

oh no I’m sorry

who do I need to fight

raelynn

well carson is back.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

oh god, tell me more

raelynn

idk why he's back but wes gave him my number bc i guess when i told him to lose it he took it to heart which like good i wanted him to

but anyway i screamed at him in the chat

everyone called me a hypocrite bc i told ivy to stop being a bitch in the chat awhile back. which tbh i didn't remember even doing, i just be saying shit.

like alex opened his fuckin mouth and i'm like what dog do you have in this fight

oh and DELILAH is moving in with carson bc he's "like her brother!!!" never mind the fact that he cheated on me bc i guess friendship doesn't mean much anymore

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

wow that’s...messy. Wtf lilah though seriously

raelynn.

So then Carson texts me bc wes gave him my number and that felt like being??? Pushed back in time against my will

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

that’s not cool

raelynn

So yeah a lot of crying today

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

*chick with knife emoji*

me rn

raelynn

Cute but lethal

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

*img attachment* 

and not at all high...

raelynn.

you're so hot jesus christ.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you.

raelynn.

love u more than life itself

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

*img attachment of a keychain that says PUSSY WAGON* 

this was recommended to me on Instagram and now I want it.

raelynn

LET'S GET THEM MATCHING.

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE A CAR

AND THEREFORE NO KEYS FOR SAID CAR

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

it would be perfect for my Volkswagen

raelynn.

omg and with me in it...it really WOULD be a pussy wagon......

big brain

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahahahah

raelynn

we should road trip soon

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I would love that so much honestly

raelynn

where should we go?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

Disney world!!

raelynn

will u propose to me there

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

wouldn’t that be romantic as heck

raelynn.

THE most romantic and also we'd maybe get free dessert

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I never turn down anything free.

raelynn

me neither. not the taylor family way

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahaha I love you.

raelynn.

we'll start planning a summer trip, just us.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yay yay yay yay!

raelynn.

i'm gonna wear a tiara the whole time.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.BOT01/25/2021

with Mickey ears?

raelynn.BOT01/25/2021

of course, i'm not a monster.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahahaa

[...]

raelynn

I hate dudes.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

they’re a mess aren’t they lol

raelynn

Had a temporary lapse in sanity and agreed to meet Carson for coffee lol and he canceled like 15 mins before we were supposed to meet for a probably fake meeting lmao its so typical but I fell for it

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

babe I’m so sorry

raelynn

Like im just so tired

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

how can I make it better

raelynn.

I don't know honestly and I wish I did.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you.

raelynn

I love you.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you’re my baby

raelynn

you're MY baby

[msjr0119]

Forgive me

Epilogue- Part 1

Series includes suicide and abuse.

Based on true events but using TRR characters who are owned by Pixelberry.

Warnings: Slight swearing, fluff 🥰

@annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @beardedoafdonutwagon @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @lauradowning29 @jared2612

This is part 1 to the epilogue of this series, it was far too long for one chapter. Part 2 will posted this time tomorrow. This series was based a few things on the unexpected death of not only my colleague but my friend. We didn’t realise that he had taken his own life until three months after his passing- we wouldn’t have known today- we only knew as our colleague attended a conference and they did a memorial service for him. He was homosexual- only his brother, close friends and colleagues knew. He lived two lives, one with his partner and their pet huskies, and the other with his ‘fake’ wife and daughter (for appearances) RIP Shabs 🥰

I went rogue with this series as it was very emotional writing parts that never got published due to me going rogue. Thank you to everyone who has liked this series as a Drake Stan it’s always hard doing Riam - love you all 😘

*****

After their first night as a newly engaged couple- the king and new Queen to be of Cordonia, Riley slowly fluttered her baby blues open and immediately scrutinised the room for Liam- but he was nowhere to be seen. Assuming he was in the bathroom, she took a moment to admire the diamond on the ring finger on her left hand. Reality hadn’t really sunk in. Hearing the door open, she quickly pulled up the silk bedding to cover up her naked body.

“Morning love. How are you?”

“Where have you been?” Not meaning to sound rude, but she would have appreciated a wake up call from her fiancée before he decided to go awol.

“I thought I’d leave you to have a lie in, I picked Lucas up. I thought before we return to Cordonia, we could do something just the three of us?” Liam slipped into bed with her, as the both of them snuggled into her embrace.

“What do you want to do?”

“Museum of Natural History?” Riley nodded, she wasn’t that interested in museums or any sightseeing in New York as she had lived there her whole life- but she knew that she couldn’t refuse a King’s suggestion of a family day out.

*****

A month after their engagement and their return to Cordonia, the weeks were hectic and busy to say the least. The press and the people were thrilled that their king was finally marrying- and had all accepted the that their new Queen was the crown princes mother. Over the last few weeks, Olivia and Hana had grown close to Riley. Riley was nervous spending time with Olivia especially- considering the last encounter that they had in the bar.

“Good morning. How’s the blushing bride?” Riley stared at her reflection vacantly, she knew that this day was coming- but nerves were kicking in. Olivia had kept her make up to a minimal, she knew that there would be tears -so didn’t want to have to redo it all. Hana had delicately placed her brown natural curly locks neatly into chignon with loose curls hanging at either side. Natural instinct was to feel the ivory lace dress that featured off-shoulder sleeves and a subtle neckline. The dress was accompanied by a short train - which was unusual for royal dresses. In her own trace, she heard Drake in the background but didn’t acknowledge him.

“Earth to Riley.” Drake shouted, attempting to gain her attention. Shaking her head, that was all she needed to snap out of her distant mind.

“Sorry Drake.”

“Don’t tell me that you are nervous? You are getting the second chance at being royal- pretty selfish I’d say.” Drake said in a sarcastic manner whilst winking, Riley laughed at her closest friend attempting to cheer up.

“Can you keep a secret? Unless Ella has already told you that is, I know how you tell each other everything.”

“She hasn’t told me anything. What’s up?”

“If I tell you, you can’t tell Liam. I need to tell him before we say I do.”

*****

Drake met Liam at the Cathedral, giving a slight nod to all the guests that he passed. The King was pacing up and down, but still was able to use his stoic expression. Drake pulled out his hip flask, providing his best friend with that smirk along with the knowing look- Liam was grateful and sneakily took a swig.

“Liam, she looks beautiful. You lucky son of a bitch. Don’t screw anything up. She’s nervous too.”

“That’s why I’m nervous. What if she thinks this is a big mistake? She hasn’t chosen anyone to walk her down the aisle- Maxwell had offered but she refused.”

“She’s a strong independent woman, she’s got El, Liv and Hana with her. They even offered to walk her down. Don’t worry.” Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, Liam pulled Drake in for a ‘bromance’ hug- thank you Drake.

*****

The bridal party, were ready to leave in the carriage- Riley had photos taken of her and Lucas. As well as photos with her bridesmaids. She had decided to go against traditional protocol and had decided to walk down the aisle with her son.

The three women made it to the end of the aisle, Liam had wondered where Lucas was- then realisation hit as to why Riley refused to have anyone ‘give her away’. “Lucas, she’s walking down the aisle with him.” He whispered to his best man- Drake smirked, already knowing but he wasn’t going to say anything. Regina was preparing herself to officiate the marriage- still feeling guilt ridden from the past actions made by her deceased husband, she knew that Liam was the only family she had now, along with Madeleine and Adelaide. Quickly leaving her position she knew she had a few moments before Riley was due to walk in.

“Liam, are you ready?”

“Yes, thank you Regina.” Holding him close to her, she smiled softly.

“Your bride is ready, but I just wanted to be quick and explain how proud I am of the man you have become Liam, your father truly did regret how he treat Leo and Riley. He would have loved to make amends properly and be here today, I hope you can forgive him. Also before I return, I was hoping to have a word with the two of you.”

“Regina, I will forgive him. But can you please just get me married. What is up? Why do you need to speak to myself and Drake? Can it not wait?” Drake had an inkling regarding what Regina was about to say- he couldn’t be bothered waiting for Regina to pussy foot around the situation so interrupted rather abruptly. He knew that Liam was just eager to marry the love of his life.

“Regina, I already know about what you are going to tell us, my mom explained everything.” Liam looked at Drake confused, his eyes pleaded with the two of them to quickly tell him what they was hiding from him.

“Li, there were rumours.... speculations about the possibility that Constantine could be my father also. My mom and him had an affair, whilst my father and Eleanor were suspected of having an affair as they were ‘sneaking around’. The reason I didn’t tell you, is because none of it matters- I am Jackson Walkers son I’m not a noble and I wouldn’t have wanted to be. Forget about it. Let’s get you married!”

Liam was about to respond, to this new bombshell, however the music began to play- Regina resumed her position as the guests stood from their seats slowly- awaiting for a glimpse of their new Queen.

*****

Riley took a deep breath, bending down to Lucas’s level- she kissed him on the forehead and gave him a big tight squeeze.

“Just you and I my little prince. You are so handsome like your two daddies.”

“You look breathtaking, and you’re right there- he’s going to be a heartbreaker.” Riley smiled as she realised she wasn’t alone with Lucas, slowly standing up- she turned around to where the voice was coming from.

“What are you doing here?”

“You can’t walk down the aisle on your own with just Lucas. I’d be honoured if you’d allow me to walk you both down- to give you both away.”

“I’d love you to.”

“Come on then, let’s make you the Queen that Liam and Cordonia deserve.” Riley stood at the left side of Lucas, holding his hand- whilst he stood at the other side taking the young princes other hand.

Slowly walking down the aisle, everyone smiled fondly at Riley and believed that Lucas was adorable.

“Keep looking forward. I see two very handsome men at the end of the ‘path’. I bet you never believed this would happen.”

“No, I was just a waitress in a dive bar in a different country. Fairytales really do happen- when you believe.”

“Look at Madeleine’s and Adelaide’s fake smiles. Hypocrites. They’ll be so jealous, karma for them really.” He snarled as Riley held in the laugher. Drake stepped forward as Liam’s best man, offering her a wink and smile.

“Hello Mr Walker! Are you sure you want to marry Liam?” Riley’s eyebrows shot up- in shock about what had just been said- before finally fixing her face into a smile for Drake. “I’m only joking! No need to look like that, I’m so proud of you, you are the strongest and most selfless person I’ve ever met Riley Brooks. You are going to make the most perfect Queen, wife and mother. I believe my time is up. I love you and Lucas with all of my heart- Liam will protect you both, I’ll pop in every so often to check on you all. It’s not a goodbye it’s a see you soon.” Riley felt the coldness, kiss her on the cheek.

“Continue making me proud, don’t either of you forget about me. By the way, I overheard your conversation with Mr hotness- your secrets safe with me. Now I’m going to take a seat next to Rob- can spirits cry? At least you’ve not been drinking before this wedding- our gunshot wedding was hilarious. But I loved every minute of it. I love you.”

“I love you too Leo.” She whispered, holding back the tears- attempting to not ruin Olivia’s make up. Turning her head towards where Rob was sat, she saw Leo’s figure rather than just hear his voice- he smirked and blew them a kiss.

“You look... Wow. You look beautiful Riley.” Liam couldn’t take his eyes off Riley, his heart felt as if it was skipping beats. You lucky son of bitch- Drake’s words kept roaming through his mind. Feeling grateful for his friends ‘dragging’ him to New York for his bachelor party- he had never believed that he could potentially marry for love. If he could have predicted his future- he wouldn’t have believed it, not until now.

“You look very regal and handsome Liam, my king- but I do need to speak to you before we do our vows.” Liam’s heart sunk, he couldn’t figure her out- she didn’t seem as if she was about to ditch him at the alter.

“Can you undo Lucas’s jacket for me Liam? Is it me or is it getting a bit warm in here?” Liam looked at her with a perplexed expression- as did the rest of the guests apart from Drake. Bending down, Liam ‘high-fived’ his step son and did what Riley had asked him to. Liam stared at the words printed on the princes shirt, not knowing how long he had been re-reading the words, it was all trying to sink in- before whispering the words.

“My role as an only child will soon come to an end because my mommy is due with my new best friend. You’re... you’re.. we’re...”

[songbird-writes]

Not Meant To Be.

Platonic!Richie Tozier x Reader

Requested: Yes

Summary: The reader and Richie find out each other's secret and devise a plan to keep them secret and to help them overcome unrequited love.

Notes: warnings are angst, swearing, homophobia, and death. This is my first angsty fic so I hope it's not too terrible. I apologize for the wait and please know I am currently working on the other requests! Now onto the story.

_ _ _

Feelings suck, especially when they're for someone you're close to but can't love. The thought made (Y/n) bite her fingernails nervously.

The town of Derry was not a safe place for anyone who was anything but straight. There have been rumors that the disappearances of the local children were children who were part of the LGBTQ+ community and were taken out to "purify" the town. (Y/n)'s feelings for Beverly scared the shit out of her for this very reason. She hated to keep her feelings secret and bottled up inside, in fact it hurt the poor girl, but she knew if she said anything, she, and possibly Beverly, could be hurt. Dealing with sexuality at such a young age is a struggle, the fear of rejection would eat (Y/n) at the core.

'Worrying isn't gonna help me.' the girl thinks to herself. Sighing,she decides to take a walk to clear her head of the negativity built up in it.

As she walks through the small town. She continues to fight the thoughts inside of her head. Beverly wouldn't hate her, no matter what. Hell, none of the other losers would hate her. They're her friends for fuck's sake! But she would hate to be the only homosexual in the group.

Or so she thought.

As she comes upon the kissing bridge, she sees a certain bespectacled boy kneeling by a post. Upon her approach to him, (Y/n) realizes that Richie is carving something into the the post he kneels in front of. She sees that the carving is 'R+E' in scratchy lines.

"What are you doing?" She asks, startling the black haired boy. He whips around and sees her before letting out a sigh.

"Holy fuck, (Y/n)! You scared the living shit out of me!" He exclaims. Said girl smiles and shrugs.

"You were being quiet. Thought something was wrong." (Y/n) jokes in reply, peeking over his shoulder to get a better look at the carving.

"Ha ha, very funny." Richie grumbles at her.

"Who's E?" The girls asks out of curiosity. Richie's ears go bright red at the sudden inquiry. (Y/n) notices an emotion flash in his eyes; one that she knew well as she harbors the same emotion.

Fear.

Richie stutters over his words as he struggles to think of an explanation. God, he would be dead if (Y/n) found out that he was in love with Eddie. Hell, he'd be dead if she finds out that he's gay at all.

"It's Eddie, isn't it?" (Y/n) asks softly. Her question sends Richie into a panic.

'Shit!' he thinks to himself. 'She knows!'

"W-wait! (Y/n), it's not what you think!" Richie states frantically. The girl in front of him sighs.

"Richie." (Y/n) says, effectively cutting off Richie's rant of an explanation and causing him to look at her curiously.

"I like girls." She admits to him nervously. Richie's eyes widen at her shy confession, feeling himself sigh in a relief he didn't even know he harbored.

"It's Eddie." He confirms (Y/n)'s earlier question. "I'm gay."

(Y/n) nods in an understanding support and Richie feels panic bubble up again.

"(Y/n)! You can't tell anyone! I'm already made fun of for being gay, and no one even knows!" Richie pleads.

"Richie, why would I ever do that to you?" She asks incredulously. "I'm not a hypocrite."

"How are we gonna hide it?" Richie asks.

"I have no clue. It's getting hard for me to keep it secret myself." (Y/n) replies. After a few minutes silence, Richie perks up.

"I've got it! We could be together! You know, like a couple!" He says.

"You want us to fake date?" (Y/n) asks him.

"Sure! We can make it believable with all that lovey dovey bullshit and it'll be convincing and no one will find out our secret. What do you say?" Richie asks.

(Y/n) contemplates his suggestion. Would a fake relationship keep their true sexualities a secret? The young girl pinpoints an answer to her own question and nods.

"It couldn't hurt to try. But it has to be believable." (Y/n) says.

"No shit Sherlock." Richie scoffs. (Y/n) flicks his forehead with a mumble of 'beep beep Richie' and helps the boy to his feet, moving to pull him away from the kissing bridge.

_ _ _

(Y/n) had to admit, hanging out with Richie when he's alone was actually a lot of fun. The two found it easy to cook up a hoax to fool the school that they were in love. It was practically fool proof. So when school started back, the two best friends enters the school hand in hand, looking happier than ever.

"Hold up, you mean to tell us that you two are actually together?" Stan asks them. (Y/n) observes the scars on his face from the incident with IT and mentally sighs in relief that that part of the summer is over with.

"Jealous Stanley?" Richie asks proudly.

"Hardly. I feel bad for (Y/n) more than anything." He sighs.

"Rude" Richie mumbles. (Y/n) laughs and leans over and kisses Richie's cheek. They smile at each other and seem to share a thought: This will actually work.

*27 Years Later*

The Toziers had no idea what was coming for them. Mike had called them and now they have to go face not only Pennywise, but the fear of their sexualities. Richie and (Y/n) had married after college to keep up the facade of love between them because neither wanted to come to terms with their true selves.

"(Y/n) I don't think I can do this." Richie admits to his wife quietly as they ride towards the Chinese restaurant.

"I don't either, but we have each other's back Rich. You know that." (Y/n) replies. Richie glances at his wife and sighs quietly.

"You're right (Y/n/n). We'll be fine." He assures himself.

Well things weren't fine. (Y/n) was met with immediate heartache seeing Beverly and watching Richie long after Eddie. On top of that, they had to find artifacts to perform some ritual that's supposed to kill IT's being. How she was supposed to figure that out, she had no fucking clue. Needless to say, she had to face Pennywise and his army of homophobic robots and his chanting of knowing her secret. Richie, having faced a similar encounter, was there to comfort her, but they couldn't deny it any longer. They were gay and they have to tell Beverly and Eddie how they feel. They decided that after the ritual, they'd talk to their respective loves. However, no one expected Eddie to be impaled by Pennywise's arm. (Y/n) watched, as her friends seem to finish off that damn clown,she watched Eddie take his last breath. She feels tears well up in her eyes, despair for the loss of her friend and sympathy for her best friend. It kills her to watch Richie have a breakdown over him, especially when Ben and Mike pull him away from Eddie's lifeless body. She had to help keep Richie back when the Neibolt house came crumbling down. When Richie starts sobbing in the quarry, (Y/n) wraps her arms around him tightly and offers her silent support. All of the losers gather around to support Richie and to grieve the loss of their friend.

"(Y/n/n), you have to tell Bev. You have the chance, don't waste it." Richie tells her later in their hotel room. (Y/n) nods and stands from her spot on the bed. Gathering all the confidence she has, she walks downstairs to find Beverly. She rehearses what she would say to her, how to confess. (Y/n) nods when she feels like she got it down, however she stops sharply at the sight of Beverly and Ben. The woman watches as the two Converse and laugh. Doubt and hesitance flicker in (Y/n)'s mind as she watches the encounter unfold. (Y/n) feels her heart shatter when she watches Beverly and Ben share a sweet kiss.

Of course. Beverly was in love with Ben; it was obvious in IT's lair when their artifacts augmented with each other. Quickly and quietly, (Y/n) makes her way back to her room to Richie. He gives her a confused look when she sits next to him.

"It's not meant to be." She says simply and softly. Richie instantly understands and pats her leg quietly.

At least they have each other, even if being with ones they truly loved wasn't meant to be.

[eeveecrmchl]

DISCORD THREAD | EEVEE X VULCAN:

feat: @eeveecrmchl​ & @ellisvulcan​

summary: eevee gets jealous.

tw: drugs, eevee being a hypocrite

Eevee: It’s a common occurrence that Eevee feels stupid, but the fact that she’s been warned as well as personally seeing the messages exchanged in the group chat and still she let herself think that she was still special enough in V’s life? That’s a whole new level. So falling asleep to Tee’s warnings and waking up to what he kept mentioning did not sit right with the woman, her chest feeling heavy remembering the nights shared and now wondering how many girls were in between them. Tequila and molly provide the perfect combination to forget; while she’s been told to stop popping pills with alcohol, she figures this is good a time as any to break the rules. Stereo on high, Eevee lays her head back against the arm rest of her couch, eyes fluttering close as she mumbles through whatever lyrics she thinks she’s hearing. Her phone lays by the coffee table, ignored. She really doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now; not while she’s like this. Her excuse for a nap should hopefully keep Tee at bay and maybe ignoring V would do the same.

Vulcan: "Where do you think I messed up this time, bud? I should stop doing that." His newly adopted dog just replies with a bark. "I'm going crazy." Crazy and worried. Eevee just ignored his last message, and she's been pushing him away ever since he sent a message of him and his dog in the group chat. He doesn't have a name with him yet, he cannot be trusted with giving names. He kept on staring down at his phone before glancing back up with the road with his dog just looking at him curiously. He closed up shop, worrying about her state right now, he took her spare key with him just in case she doesn't open up. Good thing the traffic around town isn't that heavy at this time of day and his drive is quick. "Wish me luck?" He whispers to the dog before picking him up in his arms and rushes to her door. Knocking thrice, no response. He fishes for the key in his pocket and unlocks the door, walking in and immediately noticing Eevee on the couch. "Don't make a mess, okay? We gotta look after her." He puts him down before walking up to the couch, immediately taking her hand to hold. "Eevee....baby...."

Eevee: The thing about mixing an upper with a depressant is that sometimes, the latter wins out which is how Eevee finds herself not truly registering the sound of the door opening until she feels someone’s hand on hers. Reflex has her flinching, bolting up right. Upon seeing Vulcan, she wonders when the fuck the molly is supposed to hit because she should be euphoric by now. Fake happiness is better than her current state. Eyes wide, she tilts her head in confusion with a quick passing thought of this might be a hallucination. It wouldn’t be the first time she’s imagined V during one of her trips. She’s pretty sure she took too much tequila because, “don’t call me baby” is pulled from her much too slowly. Or at least she thinks it’s slow. Is she talking normally? There’s a flash of something moving in her peripherals and her eyes land on the dog. “Oh.” And her chest hurts because fuck, he’d really bring in the thing he bought with someone into her home? Maybe her prediction of V fucking someone in her kitchen might come true. The thought of it makes her laugh and she must look crazy but at this point she doesn’t even care. “What are — what are you doing here,” she manages out in between giggles.

Vulcan: Upon seeing Eevee, he knew she was the complete opposite of being sober right now. That even worried him more. He lets out a deep sigh at her telling him not to call her baby, taking her hand away from his. Vulcan doesn't even notice his dog has followed him to her side until he heard a tiny bark. "Yeah, bud. This is her." He might've already rambled to a dog who surely wouldn't understand him about how the girl's better than him at giving names, how she'd love him. The dog does have an adorable smile that made the mechanic adopt him without thinking twice. He pets him before turning back to the girl who was now giggling. "You worried me, Eevee. I just had to come over and check up on you--used your key, I hope you don't mind." He frowns.

Eevee: “I’m fine,” is the automatic response that comes from the woman. It’s the same thing she’s told everyone all her life. Hey Eevee, how are you dealing with your mom’s death? I’m fine. Hey Eevee, I heard your dad remarried; are you okay? I’m fine. Eevee, Vulcan left you. I’m fine And there she sits in front of the only man that’s made her vulnerable enough to feel but she gives him the standard lie she’s been trying to let herself believe. “You checked up on me and I’m good. You can go now.” She doesn’t mean to be cruel but having him close by is just another reminder of how stupid she’s being. “Go back to whoever it is for the day,” she throws, hurt obvious in her tone. “Do I get the night time? Am I that special? Come here to get your quick fuck before the next one?” Her voice shakes and she’s still unable to look him in the eye. “Or is it my turn now,” and with that she wrestles off her shirt, standing to try and tug him towards the bedroom. “Come on, let me make you feel good in my allotted time slot.”

Vulcan: "Eevee." He repeats her name, emphasizing the worry in his voice this time. Vulcan is slowly coming to understand what might've caused this, what does that text mean, mentioning Angel and Claudia. Then he realized...He doesn't even to word it all out in his head right now. He quickly snaps out of his thoughts when Eevee suddenly starts tugging him towards her bedroom. "Whatever you're thinking, Eevee. That's not it." He put both of his hands on her arms, stopping her from taking him to her room. "I...I asked for Camelia's help with the shelter today. I don't have a time table, you're not some allotted time slot. Eevee...you're so much more to me than just a quick fuck." He pleadingly looks into her eyes. "I'm not here for that. I'm here to take care of you. I'm genuinely worried."

Eevee: Eevee refuses to look at him, flinching when he says her name. At his explanation, the denial practically screams through her but she keeps quiet. Maybe if she pretends, maybe if she acts like it’s okay, it will be. “I believe you.” She doesn’t. Eevee takes a step back from him, wrapping her own arms around her frame. She’s never felt so small before and while the rational part of her brain is telling her that his rejection at her offer is because she’s being like this, she can’t help but think it’s because she’s not them. “I’m sorry.” Eevee doesn’t know what for but she’d rather him think her normal than jealous at something she doesn’t even have the right to. She finally takes note of the puppy, intent on putting all her focus on him. “What a cutie,” her voice doesn’t even sound like hers anymore, but she can fake it. “You still haven’t thought of a name?”

Vulcan: For the amount of time they've known each other, how intimate they used to be, Vulcan knew Eevee was pretending, making him believe that she's doing okay. She's obviously on one of her trips, he doesn't even need to ask her. "Do you really, Eevee?" He couldn't help but ask, but he didn't want to poke on about it now and make things worse. He sighs frustratingly, running his fingers through his her. Then she just switches the topic to his dog, who looks like he has been curiously watched the both of them. "Yeah--I thought you'd love him the second I got him. He's got an adorable smile." He slips his hands in his pockets, looking down to his feet. "Hmm, you remember how bad I am on thinking names." He shakes his head to himself. "Eevee I--I'm doing my best to fix this, I'm making it up to you."

Eevee: “Yes, I do,” the lie comes out naturally. Were she a little more sober, she’d realize that Vulcan knows her well enough when she does so, but right now, all she can think of is to forget. She keeps her eyes on the dog; he really did have an adorable smile. Bending down to let him approach her, she can’t help but chuckle. “Yeah. I can only guess what you’ve already thought of.” Looking back up at V, she frowns at the sight of him. Looks like her plan isn’t working and so she goes for next bet: distract. Taking a standing position, she nears the man, wraps her arms around his waist and buries her head on his chest. It hurts, knowing that it’s probably different for her, but she turns her face towards him anyway, pushing herself up to press her lips against his. “No need to fix anything,” she tries to reassure him, hating herself a little for loving the way he feels this close. “Come on. We’re fine now.”

Vulcan: "I cannot name him after a car brand, he's just too cute for that. He deserves a better name, and I think you can give him that. Right bud?" He swears this dog can understand humans just with the way he lets out a small bark in response to his question. Vulcan just knows when Eevee is pretending or trying to distracting him from whatever's going on, especially the fact that she's on a trip right now. It might've been a year, but he hasn't forgotten anything about her. He holds her close as she hugged him, letting out a defeated sigh. This hurts him, and he just wanted her to know how up to this day, she's still the one who owns his heart. Yet he knew this isn't the right timing. He kisses her back, then pulls away to burrow his face on her neck. "I'm still worried, Eevee."

Eevee: Eevee smiles at Vulcan’s attempt at talking to the dog, but the situation keeps her from acting all out on it -- like join him in the conversation. “Car brands are kind of cute? I like Chevrolet. Sounds fancy.” She knows that it’s not over yet, that her little bouts of jealousy would come up in conversation later. Eevee also knows that she shouldn’t think herself too special. She’s just an ex; she needs to remember that. “Don’t be,” she pulls back a little, eyes locked in with his. “I’m fine.” Letting go, she pays attention to the dog once more, scooping the puppy up into her arms. Eevee wants to ask why he would need a dog but thinking that he’s probably sharing it with someone or — oh God — is he coparenting with one of his other girls? Shaking the thought away, she takes a seat on her couch. “Did you want it car themed?”

Vulcan: "Car themed? Yeah. I kind of want that, it kind of fits for him and for me?" Vulcan decided not to press furthermore on the topic anymore.  "Chevrolet--Yeah, and we can call him Chevie, that's adorable. Our little Chevie. You like that bud?" He asks while he walks over to the couch, sitting beside her. He takes her hand which has 'baby girl' tattooed, lightly kissing it with his warm brown eyes staring into her green ones. "I got him because it's been too quiet a home for a very long time now. I thought having him would lessen the feeling of being alone, and had a feeling that you'd love him." Vulcan pets the pomeranian in her arms. "I think he's not complaining about the name 'Chevie'. What do you think, baby?"

Eevee: Eevee is grateful for the change in topic, knowing that this jealousy is something she’d rather deal with on her own under copious amount of alcohol and hopefully some coke she can buy from a few of her old hookups. It’s the Carmichael way of dealing with problems: complete denial. “Chevie sounds nice,” she agrees, repeating it softly so the pup would know. Her eyes follow the way he takes her hand, momentarily forgetting that she had his nick name for her tattooed. Lips press down and God, all Eevee wants to do is cry because just how many girls does he make feel this way? Instead she offers him a small smile, nodding in agreement about the name. “I mean there’s really no other car name I can think of.”

Vulcan: “Chevie. You happy with that?” This is one of so many things Vulcan imagined doing with Eevee. There’s just so many things in his head that made him yearn for her a lot, which hurts because those just stayed as thoughts because of her father pushing him to break things off with her and pretend as if she never existed in his life in the first place. He had to pretend, but deep inside, for the past year, he felt shreds of him dying. It’s funny how the kiss they’ve shared for the first time in a year can do so much for him. “I’m not naming yung Mustang, little bud. That just doesn’t fit you.”

[spacyparker]

Perfectly imperfect || t.h

MASTERLIST - PROMPT LIST

Summary : You had broken up with Tom 2 months ago, but that doesn’t mean there is no more love between the two of you. But maybe it is still too late.

Characters : Tom Holland x reader

Word count : 2.3k

Warnings : Words !! I am not the polite type haha !Also I think it is just some kind of sadness and fluff !

A/N : I gotta say I am mostly proud of myself for this one ! Can’t wait for your feedback :) gonna write a part 2 if you guys want one !

There was once a promise, then there was a ring, and now only remained the last one. But that, Tom didn't know. He actually didn't know a fucking thing about you that would have had happened in the last two months. Because why would you two even speak ? You were split, broken up, fallen. And even though he asked Harrison many times about you, because damn he knew too well you both kept contact, the blonde guy had never told him a single thing. He was lost, hopeless and alone. Alone ? Was it really a word to use to describe Tom at that time ? He thought so, but no. Why would he even be alone ? He was Tom freaking Holland, and he could be partying and hooking up whenever he'd want. Which in fact he was actually doing.

There were moments were he cried. He cried because he missed you, because he had never given back your stuff in two months just like you didn't either. How many times did his brother caught him in the dark in his room, only holding your shirt that didn't even smelt like you anymore with red puffy eyes ? He cried because no one in the morning would make his eggs as crunchy as you as you were never a chef and always left pieces of eggshell in the plate. That thing was so fucking annoying when it happened back then, but now he was only nostalgic of your imperfections that got him so up on heels for you. He missed the scent of your hair and skin, the feeling of flesh against flesh, your bright Y/E/C eyes and that smile, that fucking smile that would always put one on his own lips.

He had screwed everything up, and he knew it. But Tom never saw or understood what he was doing wrong when you two were still together. He took you for granted, he played and he lost. Now remained emptiness in his chest even though he tried not to show anybody. But everybody knew. And every time he'd bring a girl to a date, or spent the night with someone, everybody stayed quiet. Because he was broken, and no one wanted to calm his enthusiasm. Nothing made sense. Not a fucking thing he did made sense. And not only his family and friends could see it, but the whole world. He was Tom freaking Holland, and paparazzi got his ass. Every time he'd move, every time he'd talk, there were here, just waiting for him to explain why he was seen with that many girls out there while he never seemed like this kind of person before he got with you. But everything had changed and he was just trying to cope with the feeling of abandon.

Which was totally hypocritical. Because Tom was the one who abandoned you though he wasn't paying attention. In fact he wasn't paying attention to anything. He was always too busy, always too tired, always too far away, always too grumpy or too not in the mood. As days and days passed, you felt like you didn't have any more boyfriend. And you stayed in that position for a good month before you decided that yes, your friends were right, and you needed to leave his side. You had nothing to feel guilty about : you deserved better and he was the one who started all the shit. But still it broke you. It broke you because you missed his laugh whenever you'd tell a joke, and god you were always telling jokes. It broke you because you missed him sending you his shirts just so you could have something to sniff at night whenever he wasn't home. But it most of all broke you because you loved him, you loved me like you never loved someone before and knowing he wasn't “yours” was terrific. So when you started seeing all these pictures of him hanging out with different girls, you were both angry and released. You didn't want want to be associated with such a womanizer, but how could he start dating other girls only weeks after your break up ?

The truth was that Tom was only desperate. He always thought you were the one, and he had to force himself to get to the point where this wasn't an absolute truth. He didn't want to believe it, but what could he do ? He tried reaching you so many times with not a single answer to his calls, texts or indirects on instagram. There was only his memories and pictures that kept your relationship alive. And sometimes, sometimes Tom wondered if you still got those pics, because you used to take a lot together, and even these presents he bought you. He wondered if you kept the ring, the much talked about ring that got the internet craving for some more infos.

“Why are you staring at me like that ?” You asked with frowned brows as you chewed your nutella croissant. Tom couldn't get his eyes off you, and he got this big silly smile curling his lips. Which was kind of cool, but not when you wanted to eat your breakfast in peace. You were never a morning person.

“I have something for you.” He said in a high-pitched excited voice, higher than usual.

“Tom, I swear if you're going to fart again I'm leaving this house.” You relationship was… totally complex-free. At least it became that way the first time you burped by accident around him. He has always been his true and entire self ever since. Which was weird sometimes, but you loved how you two never had to hide anything from the other. Still, it was not like this happened everyday.

“Whuuut ?” He got a fake offended look stuck to his face. “I was trying to be romantic, you just ruined it !”

“How is saying 'I have something for you' romantic ?” You asked with frowned brows, again. It seemed to happen a lot when you were with him.

“It is romantic because the present I got you is romantic, can't you wait and see ?!” A small chuckle escaped his lips. Tom knew you weren't the desperate and delicate sentimental kind of girl, so he wasn't surprised this just seemed weird for you. Anyways, he really wanted to do that.

“Ok, go on.”

He gulped before a big bright smile got on his lips again, and he got a small square box from under the table. But you gave him no chance to open it. “No.” You said out of breathe, because you couldn't seem to do inhale anymore.

Tom knew it was a risky move. So many people already broke you before, and he already had so much trouble to release you from this shell you had built around you and your heart. He knew how much you had suffered, how much you promised yourself to never fall in love again before you met him, and how much you were still scared of engagement. Because you thought that letting someone come into your life was giving them the power to leave you. And God you didn't know at that time, but you should have had listened to your gut and just stop relationships for a while.

“This isn't a proposing !” He immediately reassured you, himself now panicking. Maybe it was a bad idea, after all. He just wanted to make clear to everyone how much he loved you. A sight of relief fell off your lips, and he continued with now a trembling voice. “I know a ring always seems so official and stuff, but… I want this to be a promise ring, and-”

“A promise ring pretty seems like a proposing to me.” You cut him before pinching your lips together, ruining the moment as you always did when everything was becoming too cute and fluffy. You just couldn't help yourself, you just couldn't let him get that fucking terrifying power.

His eyes seemed so affected it broke your heart. You weren't proud of yourself, but you worked this way. He knew it, and he was totally thinking the situation would turn this way when he thought about it. He had just hoped maybe this time it would work.

“I just… I want you to see the ring as a present, the image of the love I hold for you. We've been together for almost a year, now, and you really helped me with both my personal and professional life. I just thought I could give you that to thank you, and so it could remind you everyday I love you more than anything even if that sounds fucking cliché. I want to see this ring as the proof of the love we share, and we will always share. So what you say ?”

When he opened the box, your look fell on the ring it was previously hiding. It was a beautiful masterpiece, and you could tell this cost more than your car. It looked very simple and yet so beautiful, with a diamond in the middle that seemed rough instead of perfectly shaped and plain, and four gold branches were holding it, looking like real very small tree branches to you, before joining in a perfect circle so you could put it around your finger.

“It looks so perfect.” Was the only thing you managed to mutter while you couldn't look away from the jewel.

“Perfectly imperfect.” Tom added with an unsure smile. “Just like you say everything needs to be.”

“Okay.” You slightly nodded before looking back at him.

“Okay ?” His smile got bigger, as if he was going to rip his lips up from all the happy stretching.

“Okay.” You smiled back. A genuine smile. No one had ever proved you they loved you before, and maybe it was time to accept you were lovable too.

Now all he got was this memory, and the many articles that talked about that ring when everyone thought you were engaged. And to be honest, it really felt as if you were. But time changed and he lost that too.

After the breakup, Tom had started posting a lot of pictures, which wasn't really his type before. He just wanted you to notice him, to see him. He was losing himself too, faking being happy and sometimes going all mad and posting a quote over a black screen as any teenager would do nowadays. He wanted you to know he still lived without you, but that sometimes it wasn't enough. He was craving your touch, you voice, your laugh, your scent, your words, everything that made you you. He was craving you. So much he started stalking on your social medias, but you never posted anything. No picture, no video, no text, no story. Nothing, just a radio silence he hated.

Until this morning. But it seemed to happen so late he couldn't do anything anymore. Two months had passed, he had done so many shitty things, and there was finally a proof of you still being alive. When he opened instagram that morning, his heart missed a beat so fucking quickly he thought he could have died of it. But he was still alive. Kind of. He rushed, urging his thumb to press your profile picture that appeared in the top left corner of his screen, and soon your story appeared before him. He stopped breathing without even noticing, because you were simply breathtaking and he almost forgot how beautiful you could be. He looked at the video three times, making sure he wasn't hallucinating. But no, he couldn't get it wrong. This ring, this specific ring, this promise ring was still taking centre stage on your finger. And suddenly, suddenly Tom felt alive, with that fucking butterflies in his stomach.

“What time is it ?” Moaned a feminine voice beside him. He jumped by surprise. Fucked. He was so fucked. All of this was a mistake, and he was just realizing it now he had seen that fucking ring still on your fucking finger.

Truth is Tom had started dating a this blonde girl a few days ago. She was totally over him and he needed to feel loved. It wasn't that serious for him, but still he had decided to get into a real relationship with her, thinking that feelings would follow with time or he'd just leave her when he would be tired of her. But that just made a week they got together, and now he felt trapped. Because he wanted to try to talk to you again now that he saw this, but at the same time he didn't want to seem like a cheating boyfriend. He had never done that, and he didn't want to become one. All his previous hook ups were nothing serious, so he thought it didn't count. In fact, he always told the girls it was just a one night thing, so they couldn't say they weren't aware.

“It's ten.” He simply answered. And the girl moaned again before stretching her body.

“Kay, gonna go make breakfast then.” She leaned on to kiss his bare shoulder, not even bothering to look at his phone screen before she got up. This girl trusted Tom, and this was her mistake.

She left the room, certainly to go to the kitchen as she had just told, but Tom couldn't care about that. He didn't even bother to look at her leaving as he always did. Instead, he got to your profile and opened the chat, his heart beating way too quickly as he managed to type a fucking idiot sentence he sent you without even really thinking.

Text from TOM : You're still wearing it.

And with that, if you didn't answer, then maybe it was really not meant to be.

[louu-7]

everything i don’t know

on wattpad

CHAPTER 7:

“No, she’s acting weird lately, I don’t think the rumors worked…”

“It has to work, we can’t let her do her things, and sometimes she’ll have to work with us. The problem is her behavior of spoiled rotten little girl. We can’t let her starts to stick her nose into our business, not now, we’re so close and she doesn’t give a shit about what we’re doing. She’ll know when the time will comes.”

“Don’t worry, she’s not gonna mess everything up. She’s not confident enough to face up to you.”

Are they talking about me? I stay where I am and continue to listen to them with attention, stuck against the living room wall. Are they fucking talking behind my back about me, and just put me down like it was normal. And after my Mom’s gonna coming to my room and proposes to go shopping together… bullshit.

“I’m not sure about this anymore, look what she did at the Cameron’s, we can’t continue to go to this kind of events with her.” My Dad seems to contain his anger inside.

Is he that mad at me? What did I do like, I apologized for the Cameron’s… I decide to walk in as if nothing had happened, just to see their reaction. Are they gonna argue or be kind…

“Sweetie, how’s it going?”

“Good.” I try to act normal, but it’s rather delicate when I see how they lie to me. That’s disgusting. “What were you doing?” Asks my Mom to break the silence, as I get some cookies and an apple. “Some work. Not gonna disturb you for too long, I’m just getting these.” I show us what I’m taking and give them a faint smile that burns my lips before coming back to my room.

So on top of being hypocrites with the other Kooks, they’re also hypocrites with their own family. Great, I’ve such a good entourage... I climb up the stairs and lock my door before jumping on my bed and open my laptop to keep my mind off things.

OK. If I understand well, something’s going on in this house, and they think I’m gonna mess everything up, even if I don’t know what they mean. What the hell… and since when they’re hiding things from me? And… what the hell could I do?

Maybe I just should forget it, why do I even care… I don’t have to care anymore about their problems, or anything else. As long as I managed to get out of this house secretly, I also have to play the good girl, not to be suspected to leave and enjoy. Apparently enjoy is a crime here.

Let’s call Sarah, and if never she’s with John B, I could call Kie, and, if she’s with Pope… well, I won’t call anyone.

“Heyy! What’s up babe?” Her screaming voice resonates in my ear.

“Not much.” I laugh as wincing a little. “What happen, you just destroyed my ear.”

“It’s John B’s birthday and I have a gift like, the best ever!”

“Oh, I didn’t know! What’s the gift, I wanna know!” I shout out at my turn, certainly destroying her ear.

“He kinda hates to dress up, so I bought a whole chic outfit, just to joke, and then the true gift will be revealed, it’s a new surf board and it’s awesome! I had the idea that we all could dress up and celebrate at John B’s before going on the marsh, so I give him his outfit, we celebrate and everything, and then you all arrive and I give him the surfboard, and we put music and-”

“Eh, aren’t you a little nervous? “

I laugh and don’t hear any answer form her. The silence is the only response that I got for a while so I frown as I sit up in my bed, is she OK…? “Sarah?”

“Yes, sorry I…” Her sniffing make me feel more and more worried as I completely stand up, concerned about what’s happening. “Eh, what’s wrong?” I ask with a sympathetic voice, this kind of behavior doesn’t feel like her, that’s really troubling to know her in such a state. When she starts to sob quietly I got a pang of emotion, that just makes me shake as tears come into my brown eyes.

“I don’t even know why am I crying.” Her strangled voice stop her from talking as her words become little sob. “Sarah is it serious?”

“Non, no I’m just feeling so-so nervous about today because I-I never loved someone as I love John B and I...”

“Baby, you don’t have to be nervous, you’re the best girlfriend John B could be with and he loves you I swear. Sarah I’m not tellin’ you this because you’re my best friend but, you’re my best friend and you’re gorgeous so don’t be nervous.” I wipe the lonely tear that runs on my cheek and sigh a little. “Thank you, I’m ridiculous I just don’t know how to act, I can’t describe how… I don’t know, I just love him. So much.”

“I know, you guys are so cute and he’s gonna love your gift.” We continue to talk for at least an hour and we eventually stop the call to prepare for the famous birthday of mister Routledge. I’m not sure my whole business family left the house but they’re not gonna lock me in this house today, even less now.

It’s been two weeks that I manage to get out when they left to enjoy my summer, and then I come back before they do and they don’t know anything. Moreover, I’m not sure he’s ready to come in the Cut to search me so, there’s no problem.

Lately I noticed that my parents were at home sooner than usual, so they maybe have doubts, I hear them talking a lot about me, without they know it, and they have million calls, more than before, so I don’t know whats going on but… the ambiance here is weird feel like I’m kind of excluded from all this business. It doesn’t disturb me that much but it’s like they don’t want me to know, and the little talk between my parents earlier confirm my doubts…

I have to admit I prefer to stay away from their things but something changed and I feel so… curious about all this. Curious, but scared. My Dad’s sometimes yelling at the phone like it was a matter of life and death.

Anyway, I but on a tiny bit of makeup and chose to wear a short ruffle blue dress, with thin straps and a V-neck, something pretty and comfy at the same time. Then I put my Converse that I washed a while ago and am perfume myself as someone ring the doorbell. “I’m comin’ babe!”

I go downstairs quickly with my bag full of a chiller outfit, some deodorant and food, check my face in the mirror next to the door and finally open it. My eyes wide and I step back as I discover a broad-shouldered man in front of me, all black dressed except his whit shirt under his suit. “Hum, hello?”

“Thara Abrams?”

“Yes?”

“Follow me.”

“What? No, I don’t even know you.”

“A friend of your parents, they want you to be with them.” Does he think that I’m dumb? Who the hell is this man, I never saw it in my whole life and he says that he’s a friend of my parents, really?

“And how could I be sure about what you’re saying?”

“Because they charged me to pick you up maybe?”

“Drop dead.” I shut the door in his face without him stopping me from doing it and I breath. I didn’t notice but my heartbeats are too quick to be normal, and my hands are shaking. Why am I so nervous, he’s nobody.

What if he’s right? Since when my parents send someone to pick me up like… they never did it, I don’t understand why would they do it now. I grab my phone and call my Dad to get some answers to the questions that cross my mind.

“Yes, what’s wrong?”

“Did you send someone to take me to the vineyard with you?” He sigh and doesn’t respond to my question. S it probably means that’s true. “Just follow him darling, he’s a friend.”

“‘Darling’? Really?”

“Don’t make me come and do what I say Thara.” I hang up the phone and run my fingers in my hair as a sigh escape from my lips. Like I said, there’s something wrong, that’s obvious. My phone rings and I see Sarah’s face on the screen.

“Girl who’s the man in front of your door?”

“He’s still here? Oh, fuck…”

“Who’s it?”

“I don’t know, he wants to take me to the vineyard of my father, just…” I stop to talk as an idea is emerging in my mind, and a crooked smile is drawing on my lips. “Thara?”

“Yeah, I have a plan, wait me at the police station, I’ll be there quickly.”

“Be careful girl, we don’t know this man.”

“He doesn’t look like a criminal, and moreover he doesn’t even really look like a smart-ass.” We laugh a little before hanging the phone and I breath again. I don’t even know why would it be dangerous. That’s totally OK, he’s just not ready for what I got in mind.

I re-open the door and fake a smile that he seems to see as a smile of excuse. Not a smart boy… “I’m sorry I just lost my composure. You’re well-dressed, nice suit.” I continue to smile and walk until the car to get in, next to the driving seat. He take place in front of the steering wheel. He starts the car in silence and he drives toward the vineyard. “Can we please stop to the Starbucks? I rarely get out of the house, it would be a pleasure to drink something better than water of fruit juice. But just if you’re OK.”

“Yeah, of course, but be quick please.”

“Thank you, I really appreciate. Do you know where is it?” He confusedly says no, so I change a little my plan and tell him the direction to the police station. I don’t think he’ll understand until we park before I get out of the car to run away.

Once arrived I take my bag and look at him, a grateful air on my face. “Thank you for this ride monsieur.” I open the car door and put a first foot on the ground. “It was a pleasure but I’m pretty busy, say hi to my dear daddy.”

“What, no!”

When his voice resonate in the street my feet are already running on the concrete toward the black Volvo of Sarah, parked some meters further away. She gets in the car and I do the same, out of breath and a victorious smile on my face. It feels amazing.

“Starts the car, c’mon!” We laugh and leave the police station parking to drive through some little streets that the smart-ass is not gonna know to follow us. “Thank you, you saved me.” I manage to say, short-winded. “You’re welcome. We should do this more often, it was cool!”

“Yeah, but not to much if I don’t wanna die before the end of the summer.”

“Oh” she looks at me as she slows down. your father, “I forgot about it, we never should’ve do that he’s gonna kill you… I’m sorry if you want I can-”

“No, he’s not gonna say anything, it’s OK. I’ll find something. Let’s have a good time.”

She agrees by nodding quietly her head and I raise my eyebrows. “Sarah that’s OK, my father’s not killer anyway.” I laugh and she sighs in a smile before telling me to shut up.

We arrived at John B’s and Sarah explain to me that we all arrive well-dressed, she gives him his outfit, we party and then we give him the surfboard. When she finishes talking she starts to feel some pressure.

“He’s gonna love it. Let’s go, I’m sure he can’t wait anymore to see you, and I’m also sure that the only thing he wants is you, so don’t be antsy.”

“Yeah, OK, it’s gonna be perfect.”

“Of course it is!”

We get out of the car together as the three others John B’s friends arrive, all really prepared and clean and beautiful. That’s so cool, he’s gonna love it. I don’t know John B for a long time but he’s a really cool guy, big-hearted and completely in love with my girl. And he accepted me, not like a certain blond who can’t stand me, not yet. I think it’s fro never.

We all say hello to each other, almost all, and walk to the door of the chateau. Kinda good name thought.

Sarah’s knocking at the door as we all wait, a smile on our faces. He opens the door, bleary-eyed and confused of our presence. Is eyebrows are frowning and his shoulders raising as a yawn escape from his mouth. “Happy birthday!” We all shout out, and Pope and JJ are jumping on him to piss him of gently.

They push him on the bed to crush him while laughing, and the girls and I are just… present? Yeah, we’re not really useful for the moment.

“Guys c’mon, get off!”

“Happy birthday old man!” JJ yell before tousle the brown hair of his best friend. Once they finish to tease John B, they all stand up and we look at them. They’re kids. They’ll be kids until the end of their life. “Thank girls, that’s really, hum, nice.”

He steps toward Sarah and the smile on her face widen. They kiss so softly that it adds something romantic in this non-romantic ambiance, before a pillow hits John B’s head and stop them. Kiara and I just burst out laughing as the face of the old man raise his face. I laugh so much that my abs hurt, then Sarah gives him his outfit.

He put it on and come back, her eyebrows raised. “Dude I never saw you prepared and you decide to do it for my birthday, what a gift bro.” He pats JJ’s shoulder and put his other arm behind Pope’s back.

We go take the cake in the car with Sarah and come back as we all starts to sing the happy birthday song. John B’s eyes are sparkling and when my phone suddenly ring in my bag a bad feeling capture me and I wince as they all look at me, singing.

“Fuck I’m so sorry… I ruin everything…”

The desire to leave this room and just go away is completely present in me, and I don’t even know why. Something like this can happen to everyone one but, I already struggle a lot to prove that it’s not because I’m a ‘kook’ that I can’t be a good person, even if they don’t always seem convinced and it makes me so nervous, so ruining everything makes me feel like shit.

I grab my phone and get out of the house not to disturb even more the celebration and see my father’s face on my screen. “Fuck… I sigh and pick up. Hi, Dad… what’s u-”

“Thara what’s going on in your head!” He yells so loud that I can move my phone a little away. “Where are you and… Are you thinking about your acts or are you just disobeying to everything I told you to do, because this little game is over, you come back home now.”

“No, Dad not now please it’s important and-”

“I don’t care!” His deep voice make me shiver and I grit my teeth, upset but scared as fuck. “Let me just today I swear I won’t disobey again please let me today and I-”

“Because you think that I believe you? Are you that much naive?”

My heart’s kind of… breaking like, in a million pieces when his words resonate in an echo in my head. Some tears run automatically on my cheeks as I try to stop them. “How do…” my strangled voice prevent me from saying anything more and the silence is the only noise that we can hear.

“Thara you come back home now and we’ll talk about it tonight. And don’t think you’ll ever get out of this house again. How can you be that ridiculous, do you think I didn’t notice your new behavior of perfect little girl?”

Tears can’t stop to run my cheeks and my face is soon sinking into tears as my heart’s almost dying when his insults come one after on, moving me so much that my body shakes a little. “Oh, you’re crying? Don’t think that I care, you can’t just play the rebel and then crap out like a coward. See you tonight at home, Alyssa’s at home to see if you come back.”

He hangs up the phone before I answer anything, but anyway I don’t think I have the strength to… What is wrong with him…

I stay here for a while and look around to see if I can sit somewhere and not totally ruin the party. It’s supposed to be the best day of the year for one of them so I’m not destroying everything Sarah prepared for him. I walk toward a tree and sit in front of the water, in a silence broke by my sniffle.

My tears are flooding my face and I can’t stop to wipe my eyes if I want to see something. His words are in repeat in my mind, I just can’t stand these things that just got out of his mouth so naturally, to talk about me.

I feel like these are the words he never could told me before, so he took advantage of the situation to hurl me insults and prove me that I’m nothing.

I feel like I’ve never been nothing.