#it feels pretty ironic because I love chatting with people and being social

[zimtlees]

Is it normal to stare at messages and get VERY anxious about replying? It happens to me all the fuckin time, I feel like I come across as rude but I actually just get anxious writing (talking too lmao).

It's something that ugh, makes things so difficult, like how the hell is that even possible?

Just wondering if uhh you know anyone who does this, or if you do it yourself, i really dunno.

[fairytail-whathesays]

thoughts/headcannons on laxeel!? not sure if you’ve made posts about them

Oh I have, but you don't know what you've unleashed!

picture taken directly from @gajeelenjoyer's tumblr header

You know that sidequest that's super fucking involved and tedious but it has some of the best rewards so you always make sure to play it even though you kind of hate it? That's kind of like what Laxeel is for Gajeel. For them both, really.

Laxus is a fucking beast. He's broken. He's OP. And most days, Gajeel doesn't bother to comment on that, but this is a man who is very concerned with how he stands among others, where he ranks, and who has the right to judge him. It sucks ass being attracted to him. In most days up until he joined Fairy Tail, Gajeel hadn't been so egotistical he'd thought no wizard could equal him--he worked for Jose, a Wizard Saint, after all--but before then, he'd never been mistaken when measuring an opponent. Finding out someone like Laxus was not only stronger than him, but could probably kill him as easily as snap a twig, was extremely humbling. Hell, it was terrifying. Bro straight up walked into the bonus boss fight at lv 10.

And that never really goes away. He respects Laxus, he does. Even kinda likes him a bit, openly at least. But he can't actually pursue someone like that and feel secure, it's a huge barrier for him. Ever since Metalicana left, he's learned a hard lesson about putting people on pedestals, so the fact that he lowkey thinks Laxus is the coolest thing ever is kept under strict wraps because he thinks it's not healthy for him.

I'd love to tell you (for the sake of the #drama) that Laxus has an equally hard time coming to terms with the fact he likes Gajeel...but honestly he accepts it pretty readily. He's equally quiet about it, but that's just because he's a lil bit shy and waits out his fortunes. There's a lot he admires about Gajeel, which is strange to say, because he downright hated Gajeel before his excommunication. He likes Gajeel's punk attitude, his big heart, how he seems to be as much of a loner with as much of a struggle with social skills as Laxus is. Laxus is by far the more ready of the two for a relationship.

Many things Gajeel does to make himself distinct and individual are off-putting to others (the piercings, the punk clothing, the studded knuckle dusters), but attractive to Laxus--the same thing goes for things people usually don't like about Laxus (the aggressive fashion sense, the music taste, the unapologetic attitude), Gajeel is into that. Once they click, they get along really well.

Here are just a few headcanons:

They could chat for hours, and have, but there's also days when they barely talk at all. It's not that they're in a fight, it's just that once they start learning each other in and out, nonverbal communications take up much of their relationship. Touch, smell, energy. That stuff.

Sensory issues and sensory overload are a big, big thing with Gajeel. His senses are extremely heightened, to a degree that's special even for dragonslayers, and this is part of why he's such a loner--he gets overwhelmed easily. His hearing is second only to Cobra's and his sense of touch is extremely refined. Laxus has similar sensory issues and this helps them bond and they support each other in these regards.

There's a huge scent thing with them. Scent forms a huge part of how they navigate the world, including their relationship. Laxus' scent--ozone and the grass just before a storm--used to put Gajeel's hair on end and make him think he was about to be struck by lightning. Now he associates Laxus with the smell of furs and fabrics, not to mention leather. Gajeel, similarly, has a scent like iron tang and a slight gasoline edge to it that lowkey drives Laxus crazy.

On the topic of sensory stuff, Gajeel's hair is not as long as it is because he likes having long hair (although he does like how it looks on him). It's because not only does he hate the sound of scissors right next to his ear, he fucking despises the itchy sensation of hair clinging to him. But he ends up disliking how the electric energy in the air around Laxus affects his hair, so he does end up keeping it mid-shoulder length and only once cut it super short.

Wanna know how well Laxus gets to know people he likes? He has an extra sense--electroreception. Not only can he detect people, he can sense shifts in their physicality or mood by how the electric field around them changes. When Gajeel is getting overstimulated, his skin starts to harden and his hands start to ball into fists unconsciously, and the electric energy field around him changes. Laxus picks up on this and often separates him from or talks him through whatever's happening that he doesn't like.

Kissing Laxus lights Gajeel's heart on fire, it actually makes him so elated and breathy. Even a small one will make him smile and getting to kiss his man after not seeing him for the whole day will make a shitty day a little bit better immediately.

You think Gajeel dislikes Ivan? Bitch, Laxus doesn't fucking like Metalicana. Laxus may have his own daddy issues, but the fuckin abandonment thing, without even saying anything, rubs him so far the wrong way and he has no problem saying so. Thank god--these two are united in hating the other's parent. In-law struggles, that's how you know they're staying together.

Let's just suppose for a minute that Metalicana didn't fucking vanish into the ether after stopping FACE. Being with Laxus gives Gajeel the edge to tell his parent--who he still loves, albeit from a distance--that he's doing his own thing, and that's just how it fuckin is, thank you very much. Adorable cat and aggressive boyfriend included.

Laxus is actually obsessed with Gajeel's eyes. He loves the color, he could stare into them for hours. Similarly, Gajeel has a major thing for Laxus' hair. It is very very fluffy (Gajeel likes fluffy hair--it's part of why he likes cats so much).

Now, on the topic of sensations...

It takes Gajeel a long, long, long time to do what he really wants to do, and bottom for Laxus, even though Laxus straight-up offers to bottom first if only to get him to ease up a bit. No matter how much he gets over his issues with homophobia and self-deprecation, he still has that nugget of ingrained shame that gets in the way. Thank god Laxus is a service top and knows how to please, and how to make Gajeel feel sexy. He's not the only one, either.

Laxus still tops most of the time but Gajeel on occasion wants to switch things up, and Gajeel is a fucking pro at it. He has a very big d/ck and knows how to use it to get Laxus on his back, shaking, gasping, and melting. These two learn a lot from each other.

Gajeel's lowkey obsessed with Laxus' pecs and likes to kiss and bite them. Laxus has just as much of a thing for Gajeel's shoulders and biceps.

When they're going at it super rough, they bite each other, and it's a testament to how fucking strong Gajeel's teeth and jaws are that some of Laxus' only permanent scars are just straight-up bite marks from his iron dragon boyfriend.

They both have to keep conscious control of their magic when having intercourse, with the more dangerous consequences being if Laxus doesn't keep a lid on the electricity. Gajeel does it too, though, which is much funnier because if he's riding Laxus too hard his skin suddenly turns to iron and he gets way heavier out of nowhere.

Laxus is an oral god. So is Gajeel. They are the dragon gods of satisfying oral stimulation. Match made in heaven.

Gajeel isn't into electric play but wow, the static bouncing between his piercings and studs is...kinda...wow, like.... ya know?

Laxus can and will offer massages. Gajeel often needs them if his day's been rough, his muscles tense very easily. It doesn't always lead to a happy ending, but it very often does.

In general, the sex is bomb. Like, they are 100% into each other and love doing mansex things.

[fumifooms]

With what we know of Chilchuck's daufhter's personalities; Who do you think would each daughter get along with best among their father's party members?

Alright so we got 4 options: Laios, Marcille, Senshi and Izutsumi.

Meijack

Immediately I think for Meijack it’d be Senshi. Yes yes, very ironic since she’s the only one not after his heart lol.

A lot of people consider her to be Chilchuck 2.0 but I don’t think that’s really true, she takes after her father in conscientiousness and profession yes, is the most serious and reserved of the daughters, but that’s the thing— I flip flop a bit on wether I think Chilchuck is an extrovert, introvert or just ambivert, he loves hanging out with people, but it’s distrust from past professional experiences plus boundaries due to drastic personal events that push him to avoid being open, especially since we see how cheery he used to be. With Meijack though… She’s an introvert, that’s it. She looks so so tired lmao. Chilchuck says it himself that she’s brusque/not personable. Obvi she might also have trauma that push her to be this and that way, but from what we see I think she’s just genuinely the type to stick to her business, be quiet and stick to her corner.

So why Senshi then? I think she’d gravitate towards him because he has the least overwhelming energy, Senshi can get fired up but mostly he tends to be laidback and gentle. While the others would be talking and arguing, Meijack would be sitting besides Senshi and helping him cook or tend to the fire, working in companiable silence. And if they do talk, I think they’d have nice conversations, Senshi giving life advice that affect her somewhat. Having a stable work and future is very important to Chilchuck and I’m sure he drilled that into his daughters as best as he could, so seeing Senshi thrive, the very opposite of a working responsible adult with a secure lifestyle aka an hermit hunting alone on the fringes of society, would be a wtf moment. If nothing else she’d be intrigued I think. I wasn’t even thinking of that but I do feel like she has daddy issues, if I had to write for her her arc would prob center on that, so in that way yay her getting a second, very different and uplifting father figure! 🎉 Senshi would be nothing but warm and happy to take her under his wing and chat, and much like with Chilchuck in the traps chapter would like learning a thing or two from her too.

Honorable mention to Izutsumi! I don’t think they’d hit it off which is why I didn’t pick her, but I think the people making fics about her and Izu interacting have the right idea, they’d clash at first I think especially on Izutsumi’s side since she’d see Meijack as a stick in the mud, and Meijack wouldn’t have a favorable impression either esp with how rude and irresponsible she is, but… I 100% believe that if they spent times together and got used to each other, to the point that Meijack understands Izutsumi somewhat and Izutsumi stops being prickly with her, that they’d develop an unlikely but strong companionship. Meijack’s section is already long so I’ll stop here but yes Meizu brotp

Flertom

Marcille. Next-

Ok jkjk, but also yeah I feel like this one is pretty self-evident. They share the same sort of emotive demeanor and social values, they both seemingly love gossips and romance, and most of all Flertom is very social. We see with her panel at her workplace, the tavern, that she cheerfully talks with customers, this girl is a social butterfly who loves talking and making new acquaintances. She values her family a lot as shown by her taking in her mom and sending her dad a letter alongside a gift, so they could even bond over having a broken off family or over trying to solve others’ problems hah. They’d have a grand old time getting to know each other and swapping stories (maybe even about her dad specifically) and I could totally see them starting to exchange letters even.

Honestly without reaching, the only thing I could see them arguing over is if Fler has a competitive streak, or if she’d think Marcille too uppity/academic on some occasions, but even then I think she’d appreciate Marcille’s elven princess flair and they’d both be too emotive to bottle shit up and let bad blood brew between them, althouuugh yeah they could totally give each other the silent treatment after arguing for a while hah. Chilchuck doesn’t help them reconcile, but he does tease both of them about it. They reach out to each other soon after and apologize, and laugh it off. "Haha my parents taught me what happens if you don’t communicate and aren’t willing to self-reflect and apologize haha" … Me just now realizing that maybe this is how Marcille can get the details on the wife situation and the family dynamics, tho idk at which point, on one hand I could see Flertom being pretty flippant over it but on the other I can imagine it’d be a very personal and sensitive topic. Who knows if she’s had friends to vent to about the stress of the divorce- oh pardon, "separation"— But I do think she’s the kind that it’d really help to talk it out and vent, AND YET I do think with my family hcs that Flertom tended to take it on herself to help around the house and be an emotional support glue with her sisters and would notice the strained parts about her parents’ relationship so she’d have kinda grown being able to bottle her emotions up a bit… Okok I’m done, next fr this time.

Puckpatti

Ok imo she’s the hardest to pin down, and that’s a part of why she’s my fave. Because of her being optimistic and cheerful I tend to compare her to Marcille a lot, but beyond that they aren’t all that similar, even if Puck also is interested in romance like Fler. She has a bunch of stuff that’s implied, like her working in scams, but they’re all under like, layers of interpretation. She’s shown to be cheerful and allegedly careless, happy-go-lucky, a bit of a ditzy, and although Chilchuck isn’t necessarily an accurate judge of character about it even, what we’re shown with that is that she worked selling "dragon dung" for a while and it’s implied she switches jobs regularly. What Chilchuck’s saying about her being reckless and too optimistic is probably about her not having a stable career, reliable work & income. Before the new comic from the Complete Adventurer’s Bible that was all we could glean from personality wise, but now we can see she’s also direct, and she’s emotive though not as much as Flertom, and she’s quick to scheme, not oblivious at all and sharing a conspiratorial spark with her sister. I’d describe her as laidback, here for a good time not a long time, ambtious and self-driven, and doesn’t let obstacles scare her or keep her down. She’s like….. Is she like, a cheerful Mickbell. A little scamp.

… Ok what now. Honestly Laios and Izutsumi tie with each other in my heart. I think she’d enjoy conversations with Laios and would find him fun/entertaining to be around, would like when he gets excitable and fired up. Puck seems like she might try her shot to get romantically involved with him, but maybe while doing that she sees something in him that’s worth hanging around to even if for platonic reasons, but mostly I think they’d be like friendly acquaintances. I honestly personally don’t see Puck being all that into making deep friendships, I get the sense that her life’s a lot about herself and where she wants to go next, so friendships would also be oriented towards having a fun time and not as much like, deep emotional connections. But the Izutsumi angle… Izu is the cool rebellious older sister. Izutsumi’s brutish and unruly free spirit attitude have her enraptured. She wants to hang around her because Puck thinks she’s cool and lowkey admires her, and thinks she’s fun and a good influence to have around. Finally someone who Gets It, to go on shenanigan adventures with. I think Izutsumi would also be interested by her, in a big part because unlike her party members, Puckpatti would be interested in following her as she does her thing, encouraging her in whatever she does even, unlike Chilchuck Laios and Senshi who kept trying to instill in her values and lessons and looking after her so she doesn’t do something reckless. Izutsumi notices early on that Puck’s easy to have around, nice even, and from there on Puck couldn’t get rid of the cat that took a liking to her even if she tried. Izutsumi brings her dead birds and stuff like "Hey Patti look at this isn’t it rad!" and Puck is like absolutely, you rock. Oh maybe Puck would want to run some scams together tbh, because of her ninja/stealth skills or otherwise. Anyways yes devil-may-care troublemakers duo, the bane of Chilchuck’s existence.

Yeah I think Izutsumi is Chil’s fourth daughter and she should have a bond with all the daughters <3 Flertom’s the sis you go to if you need comfort, and she accepts Izu easily into their circle.

Between worrying about maybe his oldest and most serious thinking about courting Senshi (she’s not), Flertom teaming up with the nosiest and loudest friend he has and the duo of reckless agitators about to get in all kinds of trouble, Chilchuck is truly sandwiched by horror and agony.

[tessiex17]

MY CHILDREN I HAVE PROVIDED YOU WITH ANOTHER RAYMAN FIC

You will be happy to hear that this is a 2 parter (second part is in development) since this is infact already 2,147 words WHICH IS KINDA LONG FOR ONE CHAPTER

This does have a fem reader BTW!!!

Short description: set when rayman is attending collage in America before he became famous and he gets invited to a party where he meets y/n

(Also if there are any mistakes/errors in my spelling PLZ let me know as written helps me improve with my dyslexia so any feedback will be amazing 😋)

Tw: alot of swearing, smoking and alcohol, abusive behaviour

"What am I doing?"

Rayman muttered to himself regretfully as he walked down the cold grid iron streets to the address the party was supposedly located. Rayman has always been a social creature, he loved the idea of meeting new people and going on adventures with them but that mindset had been slowly chipped away during his time in America. Specifically American school. He struggled to make social connections in his classes and was quickly deemed an outcast by his peers which was heart breaking for Rayman because he know it was only because he was alien, the people that liked to make fun of him made that fact pretty clear. It was something he couldn't change and even though he didn't choose to look the way he does or be where he's from he still got hate for it and he never really understood why.

Which is why he was shocked when he was invited to a house party by one of his class mates. He just knew he couldnt miss this opportunity to finally mend his social status and make a friend! Which leads him here. Walking towards the door of a house he's never been at before. He let's out a Sigh before raising his fist and firmly knocking the door. He knew he was at the right place, the sound of music and enthusiastic people could be heard quite clearly through the door (it made him almost feel bad for the neighbours).

Before rayman had the chance to knock once more the door swung open revealing the very drunk but very happy class mate that invited Rayman in the first place

"BROOO! You made it! I thought you where gonna be a no show"

The class mate ushered rayman in shutting the door behind him.

"Hehe what can I say, im a man of my word"

Rayman chuckled slightly nervous but intertained by how friendly his class mate was being. He finally takes a look around the house to see that this party was a lot bigger than he thought. There was at least 10 people in each room. Some where in groups chatting away to eachother, some where playing drinking games and others where dancing. A small smile started to grow on raymans face. Everyone seemed to be having fun so it shouldn't be so hard for him to join in right?

"If you wanting a drink feel free to grab whatever you want in the kitchen!"

The drunk class mate spoke a lil more slurred but still sounding enthusiastic. Rayman just gave him a smile and a small thanks before watching him stumble back to a group of people he must have been previously chatting with. 'Now what?' Rayman asked himself as he looked around anxiety curling in his gut like a snake. Does he just go up and chat to someone? He decides before doing anything he should take his coat off which he then hung up on the pegs by the door. He walks further into the house seeing people having fun. ' they make it look so easy' he thought to himself sullenly but a small creature in the corner of his vision distracts him from his thoughts.

"A cat!"

Rayman says aloud to himself before following the cute Calico cat into the kitchen. He doest pay much mind to the people as they seem to be talking amongst themselves. He crouches down In front of the cat petting it gently

"Arnt you just a sweetheart~"

He cous while scratching behind the cats ear. He spots a purple collar and a little silver name tag around the cats neck reaching for it to find out what the cats called. He flips the little silver tag and reads it

"Well hello kaya, aret you a cutie~"

Kaya looks at him Acknowledging he is speaking to her. She let's out a high pitch soft meow that makes rayman chuckle. He always loved animals.

"Of course your making friends with the animals considering you practically are one"

A voice filled with poison and Sadistic Humor spoke from behind him. He looked away from the cat and up to the owner of the voice. It was a guy in a very generic outfit and a blue hat.

"Excuse me?"

He spoke confuse hoping maybe the guy was meaning it as some sort of distasteful joke? Oh lord how he hoped.

"Who the fuck invited this thing to the party!"

Blue hat guy shouted loudly while pointing at rayman looking around the room as he did so. A few people began to giggle and rayman could feel all hope for having a fun night disappear.

"I'm not a 'thing' dipshit!"

Rayman retorted embarrassment making his face feel hot.

"Well what are you then huh?"

He leaned in close to raymans face. There was a short moment of silence before he continued

"Because all I can see is some sort of alien freak!"

The smell of alcohol was reaking from his breath. Rayman didn't like how close he was. How angry he was getting the more he talked. He opened his mouth to speak.

"I-"

"What the fuck is your problem!"

An angry feminine voice spoke causing both rayman and the drunk guy to turn and face her. She stormed towards the both of them before pushing the drunk guy away from rayman.

"You asshole!, what gives you the right to speak to anyone like that!"

Oh lord was this girl mad. Rayman looked up at her in disbelief as she shouted at the guy who was previously insulting him. Was she defending him? She stood tall in front of rayman making sure she was blocking him out of the drunk guys line of site.

"Hes a fucking freak just look at him!"

The drunk guy slurred his words trying to justify his point but the scowl on the girls face just grew deeper.

"Your fucking disgusting"

She spoke lowly to him

"Thinking you have the right to speak to somone like that, do you think your better than him because he's not from here or something?"

She asked with genuine confusion In her voice

"Is that why? Do you feel more entitled than him because he looks different from you?, because if that's the case then that sound pretty fucking racist if you ask me"

She quirks her brow as if asking a question. He stays silent but his anger is clear on his face

"Men like you disgust me"

She spoke her words laced with anger before she turned around and faced rayman. She jerked her head to the side indicating towards the door

"Let's go"

She said kindly to Rayman who looked up at her like she was some sort of godess that saved him. He nodded quickly before grabbing his jacket and following her outside.

"Well that was a shit show"

He muttered to himself while following after her. She made her way to the sidewalk before taking a seat on the edge of it. She looked over to rayman and patted the place next to her offering him to sit down which he does. The air is chillie enough to see your breath as a moment of silence fell apon them. She pulled a packet of cigarettes out her pocket before offering one to him which he decides to take.

"Thank you..."

Rayman spoke timidly.

"Not just for the cigarette obviously but for everything that went on in there"

That got a little giggle out of her. She brought the cigarette up to her lips taking a long inhale of it.

"It's okay, that guys was being a prick"

She faced rayman with a slightly sullen expression.

" I'm y/n, I don't think I got your name?"

"It's rayman... thank you y/n"

She chuckled again a small smile growing on her face.

"You've already thanked me"

She spoke sweetly

"besides I couldn't just stand and watch. That guy was being cruel for literally no reason"

"People stand and watch all the time"

Rayman spoke sadly but honestly his eyes avoiding hers

"Your the first person who hasn't..."

He looked back up at her to see her intently watching him. There was something behind her eyes he couldn't quite place. Anger?, sadness?, he wasn't sure but he just knew that the feelings weren't directed at him.

"Don't say that man, your gonna make me cry"

She joked half heartdly the sound of her voice wavering was clear.

"Oh nonono!, im so sorry!"

Rayman spoke in a panic

"I wasn't trying to upset you-"

"No no, don't worry!"

She placed a finger over his lips in order to get him to stop talking. He's silent. Pleading eyes staring up to gentle one's as she moves her hand away from his mouth.

"It just makes me upset that nobody was willing to help you before. Don't feel like you need to sensor yourself for my benefit"

She spoke softly to him. Rayman was starting to feel like he didn't have to be so much on edge now that it was just them two alone which was new for him. Usually he had to be more alert if hes gonna be by himself with somone. Even thought he didn't know y/n that much he still felt safer alone with her than back in the house. She took a deep drag from her cigarette and so did he.

They sat there together for a while. Talking and laughing between cigarettes and alcohol. Y/n decided to share a good few bottles of her own alcohol with rayman. It wasn't the nicest of drink but it was good enough and strong too. It didn't take long for the both of them to be intoxicated. They where sitting closer together now the alcohol making them loose the concept of personal space as they chatted.

"Hey this place blows, why don't we go back to my place?"

Y/n suggested as she took another swig out her bottle

"We have been sitting outside getting drunk ourselves, would be warmer at yours too"

Rayman spoke semi to himself as he pondered on the idea

"Kmonnnn~"

Y/n whined as she grabbed one of raymans shoulders and shook him playful chanting "My house! My house!" Over and over while laughing

"Okay okay!"

Rayman laughed placing his hand ontop of the one y/n placed on his shoulder in hopes it would get her to stop shacking him

"It is better than staying outside the party we kinda just walked out on"

He chuckled as he stood up reaching a hand out for y/n to help her up. She takes it as rayman pulls her up onto her feet. Y/n thanks him before giving herself a big stretch followed by a pleased groan

"Ahh~ Alright!, let's go!"

She glanced over the floor making sure she didn't leave anything behind before looking at rayman a smile spreading across her face.

"We're actually not that far from my house probably like a 10-15 minute walk roughly"

She tilts her head a little to see if raymans okay with that. He gives her a smile and a goofy thumbs up.

"All good, lead the way!"

He smiled enthusiastically. Y/n just laughs before turning around and walking down the street. She checks over her shoulder to see if rayman is following and motions with her hand for him to catch up. Rayman jogs up next to her before sticking to a walking pace. He doesn't know if it's the alcohol or not but he's having more fun tonight than he has in a while but whatever it is he doesn't want this good feeling to go away. Then suddenly y/n gasps

"Oh my god! I just released somthing"

Y/n spoke in a shocked voice

"What is it?"

Rayman look up to her worried as they walked.

"I can order McDonald's!"

Rayman playful hits her shoulder while chuckling

"You bitch, I though you where gonna say something serious"

"I am serious!"

They both laughed as they walked

"Somthing to eat does sound good though"

Rayman agreed and nodded with this idea they began cooking up

"I just want food"

Y/n whined as she walked down the street and before they knew it they where at her house.

"Home~ glorious home~"

Y/n sung aloud to herself while approaching the door making rayman chuckled in amusement. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her key sticking it into the door and opening it. She stood to the side of the door before doing a little bow while gesturing rayman to enter

"Ladies first?"

She teased as rayman walked by rolling his eyes but the smirk on his face was hard to hide. She chuckled at his lack of a reaction before closing the door behind them

End of chapter 1

So what did u guys thinkkkkk 😋😋

I gave the reader and rayman a silly lil dynamic bc I love bammy interactions I think it's so funny so I made them bams

If you have any feedback LMK and i wanna hear ur opinions of if it should stay platonic between rayman and the reader or should I make it more romantic 🤭

THANK U FOR READING IF U MADE IT THIS FAR XOXO

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

First, I must inquire, what do you think are tan's and lem's real names? 

Now imagine this, his wife having really good acting skills, enough to convince everyone that she's just a terrified civilian looking for help, keeping her act up until she gathers intel from them. Feel like lem would also be so proud of her.

Tan prefers calling you, but when he can't, he'll either send the softest messages or fast typed ones with tons of spelling mistakes "My pretty girl, you're going to be the death of me." responding to the selfie you just send, "Thsi fycking twat jsut ruined m y dress shrit!". But imagine a group chat with these two. Lem and I share the same braincell so we'll disscus the silliest stuff and he'll just butt in to say "will you two please think before typing on this group chat"

Childhood friends to lovers with tan? He'll protect you even if it means he'll get an ugly wound, but it's ok because you'd always patch him up and give him an earful. It doesn't take long for lem to figure it out and pushes him to confess. And he'll be so cute too "How 'bout I take you to dinner after? " "Ask me again when you're not bleeding from your stomach." You two end up eating at home because you only just started taking missions and can't afford a 5 star restaurant. Speaking of protecting, when he finds out your carring his child, he won't let you take any missions. "They're having a baby?" asks a confused ladybug, "I'd be more surprised if they didn't." is all lem can say before he notices his brothers stare.

It's not a secret he has a big mouth, what if his girl matches that but in a more, classy way? "I'm sorry sir but I must inquire, what's with your illiterate way of thinking?" and he butts in "She means why are you so fucking dumb." All while proudly smiling.

I'm going to finish this with the most heartbreaking angst. Instead of Tan finding Lem "dead", they both survive but his wife dies. They're a trio but split up to look for the briefcase. The twins somehow get the it back and decide to put it on red so now they're looking for her all over the empty train. They finally find her and all he can do is stare at her before droping to his knees, bringing her close to him. It hits him like a train so he breaks down, screaming and crying as he hugs her. Lem somehow finds the power in himself to place the Edward sticker in her palm.

Phew, sorry this was a lot, if anything else comes to mind I'll saved it for later so that like you said, you're not spamming people's dash. Sorry for any spelling mistakes (you know who to blame). It means a lot that I get to share my ideas with you and your followers. Anyway, going to rewatch Bullet Train tonight, can't believe it's already been a year since I've first seen it on the big screen. Kisses, ��� anon.

hii, sooo…

1. that question has been picking at my brain for a year!!! I genuinely cannot think of what they’re called, I wanted to make a post and ask everyone a while back, but if anyone has any thoughts or ideas for their names please PLEASE comment them, im dying to know. something british/ criminally english that’s all I know😭 ironically, I feel aaron suits

2. ughhh I love that!?! he’d be super proud, silently cheering her along. like a subtle nod or quick wink

3. the spelling mistakes aaahhh love that!!? also feel like the 3 typing dots would be there for ever, like he’s replying then doing something assassiny then typing again, and it’ll all be mumble jumble. he’d get annoyed at the two of you messaging eachother in the group chat but I feel he secretly loves it. also think he has trouble talking sometimes, so he likes to have the social aspect without it being awkward for him (if that makes sense) ardgsh and he’s such a flatterer I just know it!! sweet girl, pretty girl… MY SWEET GIRL!?! MY PRETTY GIRL🫠

4. love it!! and the element of being besties and knowing everything. omg imagine you go on dates with other guys (before liking liking tan) and he’s always really jealous but he hides it bc he wants you to be happy etc, but he maybe kinda sabotages it so he can have you all to himself heehe. he definitely reacts before thinking, especially if you were involved (and got hurt) super caring cute sweet innocent kinda guy, right? completely innocent bbg

5. “why are you so fucking dumb?” HAHAHAHA love it!! but yes!!! he’s got that cockney ‘charm’ so he gets right to the point. and I love that she matches his vibe (but just in a more feminine classy, femme fatale way)

6. that is heartbreaking!?! why would you write that🥲🥲🥲🥲 im just kidding, but that is a horribly sad idea

7. you’re very sweet!! and tysm for sharing your ideas!! and yes, if you have more, send em over. heheh guessing your hamster😭 ive been wanting to rewatch it for ages, I just need to do it bc I miss it lol. that year has gone quick omg?!

-

hope everything I said makes sense😭 apologies if it doesn’t

[microknifeyuri]

Let me hear your Microphone Headcanons :0!

I'm curious to know :]

OKAY SO:

- She's trans. But I specifically wanna talk about transfem Mic here (shotout to transmasc Mic though he's so cool), listen. I like to think that Mic has had many struggles when it comes to realizing stuff about herself. She wasn't able to make many/any friends at all as a kid, and things only got worse when she found out that she wasn't "like the other boys" (because, she wasn't a boy, but she doesn't realize that yet), so it's complicated for her because she feels so bad in her own skin. That is until she gets the fact that she's more happy with... being her, instead of him. Though she doesn't start her transition UNTIL she moves out and starts her own life properly, it does take her a while to do so but she tries her best.

- Mic appeared in S1 for a few secs next to Knife. I like to think that this was Mic pre-transition too. She was slowly getting more comfortable with her looks.

- She was probably a fan of II (liked to watch the show in her free time), and got to chat with Knife for a bit too. Though it was an momentary talk, those two knew eachother from a long time ago. They just don't remember it at all anymore.

- Mic has an good relationship with her dad. But her mom was never really there for her. And her dad doesn't know that... well. She's Mic. But she'll work through it...! She's... scared of him not loving her anymore for being her true self. But she's gonna tell him, once she's ready.

- Fan got to do an interview on her, and Mic was an nervous mess during the whole entirety of it. She SUCKS at social skills after what happened with Taco and such, but she ultimately tries. Thing is, having a voice in your head telling you that you're a mess isn't the greatest thing ever. However, despite their somewhat complicated relationship (mostly because of Test Tube's hard feelings towards Mic), Fan was overall pretty considerate and chill with her.

- She doesn't like being alone, by any means. But she also feels overwhelmed if there's too many people in one place. It makes her feel like she's being judged just for existing. They have to hold her hand in order for her to wake up from that trance, or at least pat her back. She tends to isolate herself due to those worries, ironically enough.

- Mic might not be the greatest cook (Pickle and Knife take care of that mostly thanks to that fact, she can make decent meals but pretty basic overall), but she definitely loves baking and is pretty great at it. She likes making brownies and cakes.

- She has a lot of talents despite her insecurities taking over. She's able to knit, to paint, and to sing. She only truly gets back to them after arriving Hotel OJ.

- Microphone has fucked up hearing.

- She likes Heavy Metal, Kawaii Metal, Pop, Bossa Nova, Jazz and also definitely had a Vocaloid Phase (she still has it), but she generally enjoys any type of music! She's starting to get back at Spoiled Lemon slowly thanks to Pickle and Knife, but it is still not an band that she enjoys completely.

- She tends to attract butterflies for some reason. It is always a good thing for Trophy, who likes photography at all times.

- She doesn't know how to relax AT ALL and there's times where she's still up at night, and OJ makes her company.

- Of course, the matching necklaces she has with Knife and Pickle.

- She may be one of the tallest contestants and such, but she is the "lil' guy (but girl)" of the whole Hotel. She's very beloved.

- SHE HAS DYSCALCULIA. MATH IS HER BIGGEST ENEMY. She liked history as an subject though.

- She's touch starved.

[altschmerzes]

Second and last answer (then I am off tumblr again, short visit) : Oh I just read your long answer to the message. Oh my good I seriously had no Idea. I am quite new on tumblr I just got here yesterday because of your fanfic were was mentioned your name and tumblr, I did not know that this is such a intimate safe space I thought it was more of a promoting fanfic and light and fun website with "hey there" and "whats up" kind of site and just reda your last comments. I had absolutely no idea, you seem to have think that I Know this site and the type of intimacy shared and your story- it must have been so horrible to red my message! I am so so so very sorry! Thank you for letting me know. I swear I will not write you again, I hope it brings you some peace of mind that i was just stupid and dumm and not knowing anything about this and will leave tublr ! it is you life and your feelings and i want don't to tell you how to feel and have no right too and now see what a huge mistake it was to treat this as a happy rambling website. I will leave tumblr now, so you can feel a bit safer if i made you feel unsafe. I am sorry I am writing this anonounoumosly still, but I was shocked by your (rightfully strong! You are absolutely right) reaction and feel not safe enough, which I am sure is ironic to you because you were made felt so unsafe by me- it is just how it is. Have a much better day. I have the feeling everything i write would sound stupid or be taken the wrong way (not because of you understanding it wrong, but because of me not being able to express it because i neither have the language not also the insight into the topic not it seems the sensibilty needed) so i will stop now with a final and the only thing that matters and I hope you can take away: I am so sorry you were hurt because of what i said. It will never happen again.

the only reason i'm answering this at all, bc i've been sitting here staring at it kind of speechless for about 15 minutes, is just to make some things clear for anyone ELSE who might be reading my responses and getting the wrong idea from them.

i love when people connect with me here from reading my fics

i promise i am not usually an overly angry or aggressive or scary person. i don't jump down people's throats for simple mistakes or attack people or whatever. i like to think, at least from my own limited internal perspective, obviously having no idea how i come across to other people, that i'm pretty friendly and approachable and kind as a general rule. i like to think, and i hope this is true, that i am not a scary person.

this is not a particularly...... intimate platform any more than any other social media is. i often promote my fic here and have lighthearted jokes and chat about media! i link my tumblr in my fic notes for a reason, and it's not because i need or want everyone to Intimately Understand The Intricacies Of My Life. it's a blog. i also make some personal posts sometimes, about my experiences with abuse and trauma and mental health issues among other things, but that doesn't mean it's like..... some kind of holy ground safe space. this wouldn't be okay to say to anyone anywhere based on the information available to you when you did it. it is just as inappropriate to make assumptions about strangers' lives and then lecture them based on those assumptions, especially regarding something as potentially fraught as family, on a 'happy rambling website' whatever that means.

just to be clear, none of this is a communication issue. it's not about what you've said being taken the wrong way. i give people the benefit of the doubt as best i can. i extend whatever grace i can because communication is always going to be imperfect especially via text. the problem is not one with wording or with expressing yourself. the problem is that you decided to shame me, a complete stranger, for how i spoke about my parent, when you had no information about my parent, me, our relationship, or our history. full stop. that was wrong. it was wrong, it was inappropriate, it was invasive, it was presumptuous, and it was cruel. you made that choice. own it and live with it and do better.

[rainbowsky]

Hi, I was the one talking about leaving your blog due to ysl incident. I'm not anyone's only fan, why you grouped me together with solos 😂I was talking from a customer's pov. I know solos can be very toxic, but they also have their own right as customers. Also keeping calm is good, but not in all situations. I apologize for my tantrum. I'm just mad from bad shopping experiences 😆Sometimes I think you guys idolize them too much, it's not healthy.

[ysl continues cause limited text] thank you for replying to me! You seem to have a strong mind-very admirable! Really want to chat with you longer but I don't use social media. I'm kinda embarrassed that I posted something like that, if you can delete it then I 'd be grateful! I don't follow any idol anymore, just love the bond between xz&wyb (seem like soulmates to me) I was upset for several days after that post, so again sorry and happy new year!

This is in reference to a previous post.

Hi Anon... 🫤

I'm not deleting my post just because you feel embarrassed. It's an anonymous post. I don't think there's any rationale for asking me to remove it. There's nothing at all connecting it to you except for your own knowledge that you personally wrote it. That is, in fact, the entire point of being anonymous.

And I find your regret ironic considering the core message of my YSL post was that people should try to be a little bit less impulsive, and consider the outcome of their actions before they take them. Perhaps you're starting to realize that now yourself.

As for "being lumped in with solos," I'm not sure where you got the impression I'd placed you in any camp. You were simply referred to as 'a fan', and all of us are fans, BXG, MTJJ and XFX alike. As I've said many, many times, there are toxic fans from every camp. You're not unique in that respect. Although I will admit that you smell a bit fishy to me, for a variety of reasons...

Customer service issues can be frustrating, no doubt about it, but your "customer service issues" should not become GG's personal career issues. It's outrageous, tone-deaf and short-sighted for fans to think that they're helping someone by harming them in this way.

Every fan needs to get with the current program and realize that the situation has dramatically shifted around fan culture in China, and there are serious consequences to stars whose fans behave in disruptive ways.

I got quite a bit of pushback from someone (who I suspect to be you, actually, given their almost identical language usage to you... but I guess it could just be a 'coincidence') claiming that 'I have no clue about the fan culture in China'.

Regardless of who it was, I think the clue deficit lies with them and all the other 'fan culture' fans. They continue to behave in pre-2/27 ways, but we are living in a post-22/7 world. They don't seem to have gotten the memo that the public and official perspectives on fan culture have changed, and the consequences of fan behavior have changed. Fans can't continue behaving the way they used to and think that everything's going to be the same as it used to be.

Yes I know the fan reaction to the YSL situation was pretty typical of fan culture, but you seem to believe that's a good, normal thing when actually it's not. Not anymore. The government no longer looks the other way when these things happen. Stars can and will bear the consequences of those actions. The general public has a diminishing patience for this behavior and culture as well, and most people take a dim view of it all. Particularly during this time of extreme hardship.

Fans need to learn to read the room, and especially, they need to listen to GG and his oft-stated wishes around fan behavior. He has made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want fans over-identifying with him, being instigated, causing disruptions, focusing on consumerism, focusing on rankings or trying to 'protect' him.

I find it rather strange that you speak of 'our' (not sure who you're talking about with this grouping - turtles?) 'idolizing them too much' and it being 'unhealthy' when it's actually you who was exhibiting behavior that falls outside of what I'd characterize as 'calm', 'rational' and 'respectful'. I guess your impressions are your own, but perhaps some self-reflection is in order? Just a thought.

A bit of perspective might do you some good, Anon. 'Bad shopping experiences' can't justify disrupting the career of a star you say you care about, nor - frankly - can they justify disrupting my blog.

In any case, I'm grateful your ask came in two messages. It has allowed me to answer your ask while also being able to block you - for your good and for my own. I think we both can find more productive, positive uses for our time.

Happy new year. May yours be one of transformation and peace. 🙏🏻

[wizkiddx]

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes

[ptergwen]

from one kid to another

w/c: 6.0k

warnings: mentions of drinking, lots of swearing, implied smut, and angst at times

summary: it was a mistake, a beautiful one that you didn’t make on your own

a/n: this genuinely is my favorite thing i’ve ever written :,) i say that a lot but this time i mean it, it’s really special i think and i so so so hope y’all do too <3 enjoy my loves

-

there’s only one thing in life that testing positive for is actually positive.

depending on the situation, obviously. yours isn’t ideal, or planned or a blessing or whatever people say. it’s a gigantic mistake that you didn’t realize you made until a minute ago.

you’d noticed something was wrong when your time of the month came and all you experienced was the symptoms. cramps, cravings, everything except your actual period. as everyone is pretty much taught to do, you ran to the closest drug store for a pregnancy test. what the hell else could it be? you messed around a few weeks ago, so there’s a possibility.

your heart felt like it was going to explode out of your chest the whole time you waited for the results. you’d thought of calling tom over for support, but there are a couple of reasons why you couldn’t do that. you realized you made the right decision when your timer for the test went off.

two red lines. you’re pregnant. you’re pregnant, and your best fucking friend is the father.

where do you go from here?

the test falls from your hand and hits the floor with a mocking clank. you slide down until your back is against the bathtub. well, you’re fucked. what an ironic word choice.

the fact that you aren’t ready in the slightest to be a parent when you’re still growing up yourself is one thing. it’s another that this could ruin the most important relationship you’ve ever had.

no, tom won’t be mad. he’s never once fought with or even raised his voice at you. in your times of need, he’s been the one to uplift you and kiss your puffy cheeks dry. no matter how he takes this, you know it won’t be out on you. he is half responsible.

but, with how you left things the last time you spoke, you’re not sure you’ll be able to get past it.

tom is alarmingly good at hiding how he truly feels. you always tease him that it’s because he’s a gemini. he’ll come back with shut up, i’m an actor and stick his nose in the air to give you the full image. in all seriousness, it does take a toll on how well he can communicate.

you’ve seen it in small ways, like when he brings you along for press days and uses unenthusiastic smiles to cover up his yawns. how he’ll be polite in a conversation with people he’d rather not speak to, then mumble about it once you’re home. he tries to put forward the “appealing” parts of himself even though he’s more than them.

tom’s biggest communication issue is that he’s been in love with you since year nine and hasn’t said a word about it. you’ve yet to figure that one out.

you two became friends while tom was starring in billy elliot. his schedule was so scattered between shows and school, so he struggled to balance both. he often had to stay late for extra help on the lessons. you’d also been there a few times. you worked better in the classroom, and he was grateful he didn’t have to be alone with the teacher.

most kids made fun of tom for his interest in theater, to his face and behind his back. not you. you thought it was just incredible that someone in your own classes worked at the west end. you’d told him on your way home one night.

he’d heard you before he saw you. “you’re tom, right?” you asked from behind him, the two of you making your way through the hall. the question sounded friendly, and it wasn’t every day kids were nice to him. tom stopped walking so you could catch up. “yes, and you are?” you gave him a small smile, books clutched to your chest. he instantly returned it.

“y/n. i heard you’re in billy elliot?” you laughed at your understatement, then corrected yourself. “that you are billy elliot, i mean. that’s so cool.” “oh, i am. thank you,” he chuckled back, a full grin taking over his face. you were both walking again, you by tom’s side. “i was hoping to come see you soon.” your voice got quieter as you told him, like you were nervous.

tom never had much luck with girls, not at this point in his life. this was an opportunity to change that. at the very least, to make a new friend. he offered something you said yes to without a beat of hesitation. “what if i got you the tickets?”

from then on, you began talking during class and not only when it ended. tom really knew how to keep the conversation going, telling story after story that left you laughing so much your teacher would shush you. you’d eventually moved to hangouts at either of your houses. harrison came into the mix at some point, the three of you forming your own group.

the difference between tom and harrison was that while harrison linked with other girls, tom was only interested in you. he’d gotten a crush on you pretty fast, if he was being honest. it might have been your shared sense of humor or the way you said his name.

thomas, when he was being cheeky. tommy, which took the place of a pet name. even regular tom. that might have been his favorite. he loved how it rolled off your tongue. he loved, and still loves, you.

you’d gone to all of tom’s performances you possibly could, the ones for school theater included. you also gave him the push to take his talents to hollywood. tom was afraid he wasn’t cut out for the big screen, that he needed more practice and experience first. you told him that if this was what he wanted to do, he had to start somewhere. why wait?

tom then landed his first movie role in the impossible at the age of fifteen. he’d received tons of praise and almost gotten nominated for an academy award, all because you convinced him to audition. you played a huge part in keeping him grounded when he was between films, and caught him up on whatever schoolwork he’d missed.

you practically zoomed to tom’s house when he was announced as the next spider-man. you’d been constantly refreshing every social media platform marvel was on since tom became a finalist for the part. that process was probably the most difficult experience he’s ever gone through. you’d know, having heard all about it from tom.

the two of you celebrated along with the rest of tom’s family that night. you kept giving him little proud of you squeezes on his shoulder or knee. tom is eternally indebted to you for being the most supportive of everything he does.

he of course sends the support right back. although he went down the movie star path, acting wasn’t for you. you’d gone off to university and studied hard as hell and aced all your shit. tom quizzed you on material whenever you needed. he wanted to help you somehow, and this was all you’d let him do.

he’d offered to pay off your loans and any other expenses necessary because he had the money to do that now. you refused every single time, not trying to become dependent on him. he admired your drive, yet hated it at the same time. everything you’d done for him, it was his turn to be the caretaker. it should’ve been.

whenever tom wrapped filming for the holidays and came back home, you were always preparing for final exams. he kept you company, content with simply being in your presence. you typed away on your keyboard and read over notes until your eyes burned. tom occasionally brought you snacks, tea, asked how you were and what he could do.

sometimes, he would have to cut your study time short. he’d say it wasn’t healthy or you were overdoing it and to come relax with him for a bit. other times, tom let you be. he didn’t want to get in the way of your already stressful assignments. those were the nights you’d fall asleep in front of your laptop. drool on your chin, hunched over at your desk.

tom made sure to tuck you in, press a light kiss to whatever part of your face wasn’t covered in spit, then let himself out. he knew where your spare key was, so he used that. you’d wake up to a “Fell asleep studying again. Rest today x” text the next morning.

when it came time for you to graduate, tom was on the first flight there. it was during another round of reshoots for chaos walking. he respectfully told doug that he’d have to work around his schedule or replace him, which couldn’t be done so late into filming. tom didn’t care that it made him seem like a prick. he was getting to you no matter what he had to do.

he’d earned plenty of stares and whispers from people as he took his seat in the crowd. he was a proper celebrity now, so he expected it. his solution was to ignore everything and chat with your family about how proud they were of you, tom the most. he saw you go from a kid attempting algebra equations to an adult at her uni graduation. you’ve really grown up together.

it was why he teared up hearing them call your name, seeing you beam as you walked across the stage. your mom grabbed his hand and nodded at him, like she could tell exactly what was going through his head.

you ran right up to tom after the ceremony was over, leaping into his arms. he let out a couple of chuckles as he spun you around. “i didn’t think you’d make it,” you’d admitted, happy yet sad tears in your eyes. tom put you down so he could pull you in for a real hug. “i’ll always be wherever you are, y/n,” he said into your ear, rocking you while you gripped at his suit collar.

flash forward to a year later, your career is finally taking off, tom’s is flourishing like it has been for years, and you’re pregnant with his child. you’re trying to recall the series of events that led you to this moment.

you were both drunk, blackout drunk because the only reason you remember sleeping together is that you woke up naked in the same bed. harrison’s bed.

he threw a housewarming party for himself, having recently moved out of tom’s and the other boys’ place. the three of them, sam, and you were all in attendance, along with a lot of others you hadn’t met.

neither you nor tom could figure out where he knew all those people from. he’d clinged to you two for the most part, more so you now with tom usually away. they could have been from work. harrison is breaking into the business himself, small roles here and there. tom actually met him in your school’s theater program, then he introduced him to you, ten years ago already.

sam entertained himself by making concoctions with the snacks harrison set out. harry got together a playlist for the party. harrison and tuwaine struck up a conversation with some of harrison’s actor friends. that left you and tom alone, out of stuff to do, and with one way to fix it.

“drink?” tom had asked you, a smirk playing on his lips. “love one,” you hummed back and set off for the kitchen. the two of you raided harrison’s liquor cabinet, grabbing his biggest bottle of wine. he’d dumbly pointed it out during the house tour he gave you before the other guests arrived.

you were about to search for glasses, but tom’s fingers threaded through yours. he gently tugged you away and nodded behind him. “let’s bring this upstairs. seems much more fun there,” he’d murmured over the music, a grin breaking across your face.

tom is big on clubbing and socializing, however, you aren’t. he comes up with ways to get you out of these events, just in case.

“we can break in harrison’s bed for him,” you said as a completely harmless joke, no intentions of that becoming your reality later on. spoiler alert: it did. “and how are we gonna do that?” tom quirked a suggestive eyebrow and breathed out a laugh as you dragged him towards the stairs. despite yourself, you’d giggled at his words.

not one drink in either of you yet, and you were stumbling and cracking up as you ran upstairs. you’d pulled tom by your still attached hands into what you remembered as harrison’s room. tom shut the door, locked it, saying under his breath that would be a “convenient investment” for him to make as well.

he took out a bottle opener that he must have put in his pocket at some point and got to work on your wine, you getting comfortable on the new mattress. the two of you passed it to the other after every sip, tom licking the taste of your lip gloss off his own lips every so often.

the equivalent of three drinks in, you were making out. both of you were just tipsy at this point, tom holding you by your hips as you lied down, your legs around his waist. god, he could’ve done this sober. he’d dreamed about kissing you, really kissing you since he was fourteen. you’d always felt like you two had something more. ah, there it was.

halfway through the bottle got you past the next two bases, and you were ready for the fourth and ultimate one by the time you shook the last few drops onto the tip of your tongue. tom groaned at the sight of that, drawing your half naked body in closer to his.

you two had forgotten to use protection in each of your drunken states. without a doubt, you both would’ve agreed to a condom had your minds not been everywhere but where they should have.

you’d woken up first the morning after, panic immediately coursing through your veins thicker than blood. a fully nude and sleeping tom had you in his embrace, arms secured around your middle, facing you. you gasped when you made the connection, loudly enough to wake tom up. his long eyelashes tickled your face, a confused pout on his lips. uh... um...

“did we fucking...” you trailed off, no words to describe whatever unfolded. “fuck?” tom finished for you. a very blunt explanation, but true nevertheless. “looks like it,” he rasped, pout changing into a smile. your face fell at the vague memories of how you spent your night.

you definitely wanted to do it. just, he’s your best friend, who’s seen you at your least sexy moments over the years. when you were sick, had breakdowns from stress, you name literally anything, tom was there. it took one bottle of cheap wine for him to forget that?

the real answer was no. tom is entirely in love with you, for a decade at that. you were beginning to discover you feel the same, only you had no idea he already loves you. you’d assumed this was meant to be merely a hookup. from the frown your face held, he’d thought you were regretting it. oh, were you both so wrong.

“um... we don’t have to talk about it,” tom told you halfheartedly, under the impression that’s what you preferred. you physically felt yourself get weaker in tom’s strong arms. he’s not interested. “yeah, that’s probably for the best. i...” you were lying. his heart shrunk, shriveled up inside his chest. she doesn’t love me like that.

“you have to go. aren’t you behind on some emails?” tom hoped you didn’t hear his voice strain from the tears pushing at his eyes. “right. almost forgot, thanks.” you’d plastered on a smile, slipping out of his grasp. a tear rolled down his cheek, so he wiped it away before you noticed. you’d already gotten out of the bed and begun picking your clothes up off the floor.

“i’ll drive you home, then.” he rolled on to his other side, you thought so he could give you privacy to change. it was that, and also because he was crying. he couldn’t hold it in. tom is naturally an emotional person. imagine finding out the love you’ve had almost half your life is unreciprocated. it’s soul crushing.

you two found harrison snoring and on top of tuwaine as you left the house. no silly remarks or shared glances for the first time in ten years. tom couldn’t muster anything up, and you felt numb.

the drive was painful. you’d said your goodbyes after tom pulled up to the curb, which held an odd weight to them. once you were out of the car, a sob wracked through him, banging on the steering wheel and not giving a shit about the loud horn going off. you collapsed face first onto your bed. hours passed by while you stared at nothing and contemplated everything.

since it happened, you haven’t spoken much. small talk over text every few days or so, both of you pretending things are normal for the other’s sake. about a month later, today, is when you found out you’re pregnant.

there’s no use wallowing in any of this. you need to figure out your next move, one that should probably involve tom. first, you want to talk to someone else. you want other opinions and a voice in your head that isn’t your own. harrison gets a text from you saying to come over now, the now in all caps. he does.

you let him in after the second knock, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. however torn you are, you must look it. shirt balled in your fists, lip quivering. he keeps his eyes on yours as he steps inside, pushing the door shut behind him. this is all becoming too real. “y/n, are you okay?”

you’re about to cry in three, two...

“haz, i fucked up,” you choke out, tears unable to stay at bay. he takes you into his arms for a hug. half your face is hidden in his shoulder, hands clutching at his back. he lets you cry it out, holding you until your heavy breathing steadies. “what’s happened?” harrison asks quietly, both of you leaving the hug.

“if- if i tell you, you can’t freak out. you can’t tell anyone else, either,” you instruct, searching his eyes for certainty that he won’t under any circumstances. “i won’t, y/n/n,” he assures you and puts an encouraging hand on your arm. your heart pounding abnormally fast, you spit it out. your first time saying it aloud. “i’m pregnant.”

harrison flinches and doesn’t even try to conceal it. he takes his hand off of you, worry swimming across his features. he blinks at you, unsure of what to say. you’d react the same way, maybe worse, so you don’t blame him. a discussion you, him, and tom had a couple years back replays in his mind.

the three of you were talking about your futures, seeing as you were close to living them. when tom asked you two where you stood on having your own families, you didn’t hesitate to answer. “nope, the factory is closed for a long ass time.” until you were in your thirties, you aimed to focus on yourself. harrison distinctly remembered because of how you phrased it.

“you’re... you... wow,” is all he replies with. you head over to the couch, more tears welling up in your eyes. do the pregnancy hormones act up this early? harrison follows you over and sits down next to you with an awkward clearing of his throat. “do you want to be pregnant?” he has to ask because he’s not sure if he should congratulate you or what.

“i don’t know,” you answer honestly, voice airy. your eyes are fixed on the wall in front of you. you haven’t given yourself time to think about it. there are so many reasons you don’t, and a single one you do. “do you, um, know who the dad is?” harrison glances over at you. “yeah.” your voice cracks. you’re both afraid for him to ask what he does next.

he shifts so he’s sitting up. “can i know?” a sniffle passing through you, you finally look at him. “it’s tom,” you say it before you lose the nerve to. harrison’s face doesn’t change this time. he isn’t surprised you and tom went there. he’d seen your friendship growing into more the older you all got. what he can’t believe is where it took you.

his best friend pregnant, and his other best friend responsible for it.

“when did you...” “at your party,” you explain, bringing your legs up so they’re criss cross on the couch. “i thought you were gone a little too long.” he says that to try cheering you up. you appreciate the effort, but it doesn’t work. you’re not in a joking mood. he’ll stick to the main issue. “so, have you told him?”

“clearly not,” you scoff, not at him but at what you two have gotten yourselves into. “y/n... i think you should tell him,” harrison sighs out, then adds, “whether you keep it or not.” “why? that would ruin everything, it already has.” you’re getting angry now, which plunges you into angry crying, voice unsteady as you go on.

“the last time i saw tom was that night, and i guess it meant more to me than it did to him because we haven’t talked about it at all. he didn’t want to.” you swipe the back of your hand across your eyes, gaze stern compared to harrison’s soft one.

he drapes an arm around your shoulders, you curling into him with another sniffle. he doesn’t say anything for a minute, then he tries again. “i know you, y/n, and i know tom. you’ll kill yourselves not talking about this.” he’s right, no shit he is. avoiding telling tom how you feel, and your pregnancy on top of that, it’s eating you up inside. it’s swallowing you whole.

“what if he doesn’t want to be a dad? or- or i’m a shit mum?” you croak out, your doubts getting the best of you. “i can barely take care of myself. what am i supposed to do with a baby?” you’re leaning forward with your hands pressing into your temples. harrison’s hand moves to your upper back. “i- i don’t think i should have them. i... we can’t,” you conclude.

“tom loves kids,” he gives you a gentle reminder. “why would his own be the exception?” another good point, yet you still have rebuttles. “right, he’s a godfather and he’s really good with them and all that, but i’m not the right person, and it’s a terrible time,” you tell him all at once, in a rush to get your words out before harrison’s sway you.

“he’s never around, i’m doing my own stuff. we’re not meant for this.” you lift your head out of your hands and sit back on the couch. harrison returns his hands to his lap. he’s frowning at you, which you see from the corner of your eye. “i’m not going to force you to have the baby. just saying you have options.”

yeah, really shitty ones.

“either way, talk to tom.” harrison says this more like a demand so you’ll take his advice into actual consideration. “at least about the hookup.” your teeth sink into your lower lip, eyes watering for the nth time already.

you have no choice because he’s right again. you’ll never move on from what happened unless you and tom address it.

the next morning, you do what harrison told you to and invite tom over. he replied saying he was on his way maybe a minute later. he’s nervous to see you because yeah, but more so looking forward since it’s been so long. you’re so nauseous you barely have room for nerves. it’s morning sickness with a hint anxiety.

it feels almost normal when he first gets here, no how’ve you been and what are you up to these days? being as close as you and tom are, you’re not capable of such a dry conversation. personally, you still feel uneasy while he recounts a golfing incident him and harry got into the other day. you know something he doesn’t.

“when i tell you we flew, we flew,” tom makes a pushing forward motion with both hands. “right into the tree. i think harry, like, dented part of his face.” he lets out a breathy laugh, you forcing out one of your own. you’d be more interested without the fact that you’re expecting a child, his child, at the back of your mind.

tom exhales, shifting to face you on your couch. it’s funny how different things were when you and harrison sat in these same spots yesterday. so much has and is about to change.

“they had to send another golf cart to come get us. it was wild.” “it sounds wild,” you hollowly agree. he can tell you’re not too invested in hearing about harry’s terrible driving skills, so he changes the subject. “anyway, harrison told me he came over last night?” your stomach drops, heat coming over your whole body.

“did... did he say why?” you murmur with a look of urgency in your eyes. tom shrugs a shoulder, and casually. there’s no way he knows. “no, was he supposed to?” his tone stays playful, which you can thankfully tell. that puts you more at ease. “no. no, never mind. i would’ve asked you to come, but...” you’re searching through your catalog of excuses.

thank god tom says something else because you can’t find a good one. “it’s alright. i actually, um, had a work call.” a small smile spreads across his face, a proud one. intrigued, you raise both eyebrows. “what’d you talk about?” tom twiddles with his fingers in his lap. “i’ve been offered an audition for this really amazing film. everything works out, it’ll be huge for me.”

you’re smiling back this time, putting a hand over one of his. “woah, that’s incredible. i’m so happy for you, tom.” you lock your fingers with his from the back of his hand. he looks down at them, humbly shaking his head. “when is it?” “a few weeks from today. it films in brazil...”

oh. you can’t tell him now. it’s not worth him missing out on a milestone in his career for a baby you’re not sure you should have. that would be so unfair of you to ask. what are you going to do, not support his dreams for the first time in a literal decade? and, you’d call yourself his best friend through it all?

you guess this also means the way you feel about tom is one sided. he’s okay with leaving you after the most intimate moment you two have ever shared. you’ll dance around it the rest of your lives. better yet, act like the night never even happened. that’s not so easy to do when you’ve got a permanent reminder of it.

the thought makes you sick to your stomach. so sick, you could...

while tom is talking more about what the audition entails, you suddenly bolt up from the couch. you run for the bathroom, a hand cupped over your mouth. his face twists up in confusion from your disappearance. tom calls, “y/n/n?” out to you, but you can’t respond because your head is in the toilet. he rushes in when he hears you retching.

he gets onto the floor with you. you’re bent over, puking your guts out, back in another place where your life changed forever less than twenty four hours ago. tom pulls your hair out of your face and into a makeshift ponytail with one hand, his other on your back. that’s all you have in you. you stay over the toilet just to be sure.

saliva drips from your mouth, making you cough roughly, the sound echoing. tom moves so he’s next to you, keeping his hand in your hair and not caring one bit about the smell because he loves you and he’s utterly concerned about what he witnessed.

“love, are you sick?” he coos, searching for your eyes. they water from the intensity of everything. “morning sickness,” you answer without thinking first. shit. shit, shit, shit. it came out of you like more vomit, word vomit. there’s no going back now.

tom lets go of your hair with his eyes still on yours. his hand on your back then leaves you, fingers trailing down your body as they go. “morning sickness,” he repeats, putting it together. “you’re pregnant?” guilt taking over your features, you sit across from tom. you’re once again leaning against the bathtub, him against the counter.

“this isn’t how i wanted you to find out,” you admit and bring your knees up to your chest. “i took a test yesterday. it was positive.” your arms wrap around your legs, you now tearing up because tom figured it out. a shaky breath passes his lips. “i haven’t gone to my doctor or anything yet, but i-“

“are you keeping the baby?” tom cuts in. not to judge you for your choice, to find out what the fuck is going on before he travels across the world. you tighten your arms around yourself, grabbing your wrist. “i haven’t decided.” he gives you an understanding nod and reaches out for you. you dodge him. he might not want to do that after what you say next.

“tom, i... there’s more,” you whimper out. “yeah. i’m... i’m listening,” tom croaks, unable to hold in his infinite amount of emotions for a multitude of reasons. he’s losing you a second time. more tears spill from your eyes as you break the news, the news that will destroy what he’s been working towards his entire life.

“the baby is yours.” his face relaxes, looking almost relieved when you confess it. “when we slept together, uh,” you’re sure it’s obvious enough that you don’t have to go over the details. he’s tearing up himself. you reluctantly continue. “if you still want to audition, i get it. we don’t have to do this.”

“fuck the audition. fuck the whole movie. all of my movies, really,” tom surprises you by blurting out. he moves in until your legs are touching. “i’m staying. even if you don’t have the baby, i have to be here.” you watch in disbelief as he wipes away what are actually happy tears. “really? i was scared you’d resent me for it, or hate me even,” you mumble to him.

“y/n, what? why would i ever do that?” tom places a hand on your cheek, touch gentle and filled with love. you part your legs so he can be closer to you. he takes the space between them, thumb brushing over your skin. “i didn’t think you’d want to deal with all of this. i thought that night was only a hookup for you.” your voice wobbles under his gaze.

“no, are you kidding? i thought that’s what you thought.” he’s smiling now, eyes twinkling along with it. what he’s been meaning to tell you since you were only kids finally comes out. “i’ve loved you as long as i’ve known you, y/n. i always imagined myself doing this with you.” his words draw a quiet laugh from you, a happy one. “i know we were drunk, but i meant it all.”

the sincerity in his voice, the warmth in his eyes, they make you cry all over again. you’re getting used to it.

“i love you, tom,” you lean into him with a sniffle and a grin, his forehead now resting on yours, using his thumb to catch one of your tears. “i really do.” “i love you forever. i always have,” tom speaks lowly, breath fanning across your face. your hands grab at his shoulders. “so, you’ll stay? you’ll do this with me?” he reminds you of what he said before, this time a promise.

“forever.”

-

you ended up having the baby, and tom held your hand through the entire labor. nikki was holding his other hand, your mom holding your other hand. harrison had originally been in the room as well. when you started to push, he got freaked out and had to leave. your support system remained strong either way.

despite his repulsion of your daughter’s birth, you and tom decided to make harrison her godfather. he eventually became the godfather of your other two children also, which you had a few years later.

tom took a paternity leave from the industry so he could be with you and jamie. he’d also used his time off to propose to you, something else he fantasized about since year eleven in school. it wasn’t anything too grand because the whole world was already buzzing about you two, and a big gesture felt too impersonal with everything you’d been through together.

he did it in the form of passing a note, something you often did in class to avoid being scolded by your teacher for talking. the note came with a pencil to check off either the yes or no box, “will you marry me?” written above them. anyone else would have found it so unromantic, but you giggled as you checked off yes before your lips crashed into his smiling ones.

you were married shortly after the proposal, jamie as your flower girl and all your friends and family in attendance.

to do what he loved and stay with the people he loved, tom created his own version of hollywood in london. he took it upon himself to assemble a team and make a production company. harry behind the camera, harrison and tuwaine in the films, and tom either starring alongside them or directing. they give so many young actors tons of opportunities.

you eventually went back to work, too. it was like you’d never left, coworkers offering endless hugs and going over what you missed, not that you struggled getting into it. tom was there to celebrate every promotion, every compliment from your boss, every part of your life. jamie was also there, then liam and lucy.

all three of them are running around the house right now, putting on shoes and collecting their supplies for school. you take a sip of the orange juice liam didn’t finish with a lighthearted eye roll. tom chuckles as he passes you in the kitchen, getting the kids’ lunchboxes for them to minimize the chaos.

“you have that pitch meeting today, right?” he slips his hands through the lunchbox handles and walks over to you. “mhm,” you hum, mouth full with juice. his lips press to your temple, giving your waist a one handed squeeze. “you’ll smash it. always do.” “thanks, tommy.” putting down the cup, you reach up to button whatever parts of his shirt he didn’t have time to.

“aren’t you doing a casting? for the new script they sent?” you wonder aloud and smooth down the cotton material. “me and harry. should be interesting,” he remarks, you giving him a quick kiss back on his chin. they tend to have their artistic differences. “good luck with that. you do drop off, i’ll do pick up?” you pat one of the lunchboxes around his arms.

“deal.” tom goes in for a kiss on your lips, then a chorus of dad, we have to go led by jamie rings through the house. with a knowing smile, you push at his chest. “see you later. love you.” “love you, holland,” he bites back a grin of his own. his last name, now yours, suits you perfectly.

[falling-pages]

A bird? A bird: Hikaru x Haruhi

in which drunk Hikaru is a mood.

-

Hikaru Hitachiin x Haruhi Fujioka

-

Enemies to lovers, non-host club au, aged up au.

-

TW: Drinking

-

The disgust lingered in the back of his throat like iron, like a bad pill you swallow but not fast enough. He fumbled the chaser to his liquor, and now he was stuck with the gross aftertaste. The refuge of his office, where he gulped down air like water, could only last so long. He couldn’t even go out in the common area, break room or restroom without having to see her--and for that, for taking away his freedom and social butterfly antics, he hated her.

Every time he saw her cute little snarl and tight little bun and stiff black skirts enraged him, filling his blood with a heat he didn’t know how to deal with. Despite her short height, she held her nose in the air as she worked, the only way she could look down on everyone like she so desperately craved. Always propping up her law degree, well this and actually that, ruining any jokes he made with a deadpan stare. She messed with his head, distracted him from his work, and for that she must go.

As much as he had tried to get her fired--and he had tried--nothing made the boss budge. He tried pulling rank, as the head of the software department; he tried using his parents’ names; nothing worked.

She’s doing a stellar job, the bossman had said. And, she’s our lawyer. If we did fire her for no reason, she would sue us into the ground.

I do have a reason, Hikaru retorted. She annoys me.

It wouldn’t hold up in court, but it seemed good enough for him.

Hikaru inhaled deeply through his nose, grounding himself by gripping his desk. Surrounded by all his trophies and achievements, he still could only think of her. He had to handle this, or else he’d go insane, but he had no idea where to start.

Kaoru. Kaoru would know what to do.

He rose from his chair, taking one last look behind him at the stained glass city through his clear glass window. Despite it only being mid-afternoon, the city was pulsing and alive with color, birds dive-bombing for food, vendors hawking at passersby, tourists mixing and bumping into natives. Tokyo was loud, and crazy, and alive, where he knew he belonged and longed to be. Even nature was straining at its leash for the workday to end, eager to celebrate the Friday night.

He turned back and shut the lights off in his office, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he walked. His department was rather quiet, having given his employees the afternoon off. If Haruhi knew, she would chide him, but they were so far ahead of schedule that he couldn’t risk them burning out.

Once up the stairs and around the corner, he heard his brother’s voice laughing and chatting and speak of the devil, she’s here.

It shouldn’t have surprised him. Karou and Haruhi were surprisingly great friends; he tended to mellow her out, help her unwind from the stick up her ass. He just had that calming effect on people.

As soon as he saw her, Hikaru spun a 180 and turned right back around the corner, and Haruhi would have let him, but Karou intervened.

“Hika! Come over here!” he waved, a bright smile splitting his face. “Haruhi was just telling me how much she liked you!”

Haruhi seethed, switching to a guarded pose as soon as she saw him. “I certainly was not.”

“Oh, right, my bad, she was telling me how much she liked your latest game patch,” Kaoru apologized, but it was the furthest thing from sincere. “Tell us about how you came up with it. Haruhi would love to pick your brain.”

Hikaru smirked, testing the waters as he approached. “Is that true, Fujioka?”

She frowns, pushing her bridge up her glasses up her nose. God, those glasses. She looked so dumb in them, making her eyes seem so wide, so innocent, so...pretty. All he wanted to do was pluck them off her face and laugh as she jumped for them, reaching and whining.

“I mean, it’s original, for sure,” she said. His cheeks warmed at the praise, even as she squirmed. “And it should market well, and you didn’t infringe on anyone’s copyright this time.”

That wasn’t my fault. He took the compliment with a grain of salt, biting back, “Still in the whole get-up, I see. Not much for casual Fridays?”

As amber eyes raked down her body, Haruhi concealed the shiver that ran down her spine. “No, actually, because I didn’t go to law school to wear jeans every day at work.”

“You didn’t go to law school to become a smartass, either, but here we are.”

“OKAY!” Kaoru exclaimed, jumping up between them. “Friday afternoon, yeah? Any big plans for the weekend?”

Both instigators ignored him. “That’s the uniform, you know. We tend to be pretty laid back around here.”

“Lawyers can’t be laid back. Laziness and a laissez-faire attitude is how we get sued.”

Hikaru stretched, rolling his eyes. “Woah, woah, pardon your French.”

Haruhi shook her head, and a few mismanaged strands of hair fell from her bun to brush against her neck. Her pink lips perched in contempt, and she looked so fragile, squinting behind her thick-framed glasses, that he couldn’t help but notice how tight her shirt was, tucked into a pencil skirt that hugged so tastefully over her--

“Hika!” Kaoru suddenly exclaimed. “Honey wants to know if we’re still down for drinks tonight.”

His saving grace. “Oh, my God, yes,” he moaned, salivating already at the thought of tequila burning down his throat. Washing the week away was just what he needed, especially with the way this conversation was going.

And then Kaoru did the unthinkable: With his award-winning smile, he turned to Haruhi and asked, “Would you like to come?”

Hikaru could have strangled him.

But God heard his prayers, and the resident buzzkill shook her head. “Thank you, but sorry. I don’t drink.”

“No surprise there,” Hikaru murmured.

Kaoru definitely heard that, but if Haruhi did, she didn’t react. He shot his twin a look, a be polite etched into the lines of his brow.

“Sad,” Kaoru said. He bent over to pick up his work bag, stuffing his bento within and waving to Haruhi. “Maybe next time? We can go out for boba or something.”

Haruhi smiled--Hikaru didn’t think he had ever seen that before. It did something to him; suddenly, he felt as if his body was shaking, like his throat was full of needles, like he had taken one too many to the head.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she said, and the smile disappeared when she looked at him. She gave them both a quick nod. “Have a great weekend.”

“Thanks.”

“See you Monday!”

Hikaru waited until they were out the door before punching his twin in the arm, hard enough to make him yelp.

“Dude, watch it,” Kaoru snapped, brushing over the mussed fabric of his cardigan sleeve. “It’s cashmere.”

“Stop flirting with her.”

Kaoru stopped in his tracks. A cloudy sky obscured the smirk on his face. “Woah, what’s got you so worked up?”

Hikaru kept stomping towards their subway stop, too lost in his own anger to notice who he had left behind. “‘M not worked up,” he retorted. “But you’re dating Kyoya. You shouldn’t be flirting with a girl.”

Kaoru skipped to catch up, joining him as they descended the stairs. “Kyoya said it’s fine if I flirt, as long as I come home to him every night.”

It took everything in Hikaru to keep him from shoving his brother into the sad, drab gray stone walls. He couldn’t put a finger on the irritation nettling just below his skin, or why the first layer of his heart seemed to simmer whenever he caught them talking to each other. All he could figure out was that it burned, and it made him hate her even more.

When he stayed silent, Kaoru knew he was right. He preened as he dug around for his subway card. “Boba isn’t a date.”

“Of course it is.”

“Then maybe you should ask her out on one.”

By then they were at the platform, waiting for their train. As the whistle signaled its approach, Hikaru very seriously considered pushing Kaoru onto the tracks.

“Tch. Over my dead body.”

“Then you can’t be jealous.”

“I’m not--”

Hikaru threw a punch when the train approached, distracting him and allowing Kaoru to live to see another day. As they hurried on, Hikaru couldn’t get his mind out of the gutter--or off her.

Jealous. Pshhh.

-- - -- -- - -- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“I dunno, senpai, she just….she makes me feel something. Whenever she talks to me it’s like my hands are on fire, and my head hurts, and I feel like….like she’s stabbing me. There’s something going on in my chest, like a, like a--a bird. There’s a bird or a butterfly or something with wings in my stomach, and I don’t like it.”

Hikaru knocked back a shot and signaled for another one, eyes bleary as he tried to find the bartender. There were three of them, or maybe that was just how blurry his vision was, but he didn’t care; as long as one of them saw him and passed him another round, he’d tip them the moon.

Mitsukuni watched his friend wave to no one, the effect of one too many fireballs in the span of just two hours. He hadn’t seen Hikaru this hammered since college--and now, at 27, it just looked more like a cry for help than an occasion to let loose. And without Kaoru, who had already gone home with Kyoya and the rest of their friend group, on babysitting duty, Mitsukuni was the one left to make sure he got into a cab.

“A bird?” he asked, watching as Hikaru swung his head in confirmation.

“A bird.” A bartender came back with another shot, handing it to the redhead and giving Mitsukuni a questioning look. He waved at him, confirming he was the babysitter, and the waiter turned back around.

“Tell me about that.”

Hikaru gripped his cup, tonguing at the rim like a sippy cup. “It’s fluttering around, Honey. It’s--hiccup--like, moving. Whenever I see her or talk to her my heart just begins to pound.”

Mitsukuni bit back a smile. His vodka cran lay forgotten on the bar, but this experience was just too amusing to violate with alcohol. “And what do you think that means?”

“Means she’s gonna kill me.”

“Kill you?” His eyebrows shot up. “Why is that?”

Hikaru slurped the shot, spilling some down his chin, and Mitsukuni was fairly sure it was just plain water. “Because. She’s mean, senpai. She looks at me like she’s studying, like she’s gonna slice me in half. Like...I dunno. Like I mean something to her.”

Mistukuni twisted his wedding ring, inching closer to the discovery. He’s almost there, almost recognizing what the rest of the friend group has known for months. “And if you mean something to her, why does your heart flutter?”

“Acid reflux.”

“No, Hikaru.” He gently swatted the other man’s hand down before he could ask for another drink. “It sounds like the beginnings of love, to me.”

Hikaru gaped, not a thought behind those eyes, until it hit him like a wrecking ball. His fist fell to the bar, thudding, but he felt no pain. Only existential dread and a rocketing realization.

“Oh.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Oh, fuck.”

-

If you like what I write, please considering buying a coffee :)

[sakurayumeno]

If you don’t like yandere or if it makes you uncomfortable, don’t read.

Yandere Naib Hcs

tw: yandere, unhealthy relationships

He truly doesn’t know the first thing about being in love. But doesn’t he? Isn’t it normal to want to protect you from those dangerous individuals you call teammates?

Truth be told, Naib wouldn’t be a yandere until the two of you were going out. He doesn’t find a point to obsess over a person if they had nothing to do with him

Starts off as a normal relationship. Well, normal for dating someone like him

He does know that taking you away from others for himself is strictly off limits. People will know instantly and would undoubtedly do something about it. Whatever it may be, it won’t benefit him in the end 

Always be on the move, always be on guard, and question everything. That’s what he’s learned from being a mercenary. Evidently he’ll have to ignore the first rule, but does that also go for the other two? Nope

Shamelessly intrusive to your privacy. Subtlety is thrown out the window as he walks up to you demanding you tell him who you were talking to. There’s no use in playing coy, he heard everything. Friendly chatting or not, he wants to know

Don’t bring up that talk about trust with him. He’ll easily turn it against you by saying that you shouldn’t get so defensive if you have nothing to hide

He becomes controlling of you, weaving not only his words, but your social life to make sure you stay his. He does it to protect you, he tells himself, fully believing the obvious lie

He’ll make sure that neither you or your friends like each other anymore without even talking at all, but word travels fast in the manor, so he may end up having everyone dislike you rather than a handful of people. Good, that’s way less people he has to worry about having an attraction to you

Ahh, but people tend to be so stubborn, don’t they? Of course there are going to be people finding suspicion about the whole affair, how all of this starts happening after being with Naib and how he contradicts his own morals by doing absolutely nothing to help you

Oh, and breaking up with him is a solid no. Because you feel insecure about yourself from the past events won’t fly by him. He shows such stubbornness, insisting that no words from others will ever change his love for you. It may sound loving, but it’s just to coax you into staying in that toxic relationship of yours

There’s a myth that a Gurkha must draw blood after unsheathing their kukri, and though it’s not true, he’ll gladly make it seem so with what he threatens to do to his enemies

He can obviously take the sight of blood due to his background of it, it’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with before and likely isn’t the last

Naib tends to be impulsive in his actions, leading him to be in a short panic from the aftermath of what he’s done. His clean up of it all is sloppy, but it’ll do

If you ever do realize what he’s done to make your life a sudden ordeal, you can’t really do anything to hurt him emotionally even if you tried, he’s already toughened up to most of his and other people’s emotions. Saying things like how much you hate him or how messed up of a person he is won’t do a thing to him if that’s your goal. Going the physical route won’t do either because of how easy it is to detain you from doing so 

He isn’t above threatening for you to turn a blind eye. You could get violent, but he can’t, his attraction prevents him from doing so. Comply or he humiliates you in front of everyone, leaving you to be alone, overcome with your own emotions

He can be pretty scary when he’s mad. You could see how calm he tries to be as to not shout at and startle you, but it’s ironically worse if he keeps it in because once that anger is let out is when he could get aggressive. Like punching wall aggressive, god forbid he does this to an actual person, though it’s unlikely

Hhhhhh I don’t really think this turn out very good, so I may redo it in the future, idk

[swanqueensalad]

Hii I love your page

Have you ever written about swanqueen's social media? I'm curious 💜

OOOH that's a fun one! i haven't even thought about it yet, so thank you lovely anon <33

(also as always sorry for getting carried away/rambling, it's What I Do unfortunately)

alright so obviously they're all very slow to get on social media, what with time being frozen for 28 years... and weirdly, emma, the only one who viably would have seen social media develop normally, is in the same boat.

28 year old emma swan was a grandpa. she was a grumpy defensive loner living alone in boston and working as a bailbondsperson - the only time she ever used facebook was as a catfish, to track down a perp. aside from that, she thought it was dumb and pointless. she definitely had a nokia brick for practicality

during the curse, regina was consistently baffled by the technology of this world. luckily, she had decades to work everything out! but she's still a bit confused sometimes

so anyway, the deal is they all get on social media pretty late to the party and at first they're all pretty cringe about it

facebook is the first big thing to hit storybrooke - emma just uses it for memes, but snow is 5000% a facebook mom and has a phase of tagging her in stuff and adding her to groups and emma is so done with this she blocks her lmao. (snow is hurt but she Understands)

at this point, regina still doesn't really understand What social media is but has a vague feeling it's ridiculous and ignores it.

then twitter comes along... storybrooke twitter would be INSANE because everyone's just tweeting very specific things that don't look incriminating to anyone in the outside world, but are also basically only understandable to the others.

emma actually makes really funny tweets making fun of her daily life and her family and it gets her a bit of a following!

regina gets twitter out of spite, just to see what everyone's saying. regina has a solid week where she argues with strangers on twitter. non stop. that's it. henry has to come and disable her account because she's losing sleep over it.

and then instagram hits

and everyone in storybrooke enjoys this

emma has fun filming funny videos at the sheriff's station for instagram stories, often with her dad, but mostly she's pretty lowkey and chill on it still - the odd family selfie, wholesome pictures of something she's done or fixed, posing with thumbs up and peace signs and funny captions ya know. (once she and regina get together, her instagram is just flooded with pictures of regina though. some with funny teasing captions, others just various iterations of 'my gf is the most beautiful woman in the world')

regina. LOVES. instagram. ok she gets is ironically and irritably, because henry keeps wanting to tag her/send her stuff and can't, and at first she has no idea how to use it, but then she starts to really enjoy the aesthetic side of it and somehow within days has cultivated a flawless feed - if she wasn't on private (and only accepts people she knows) she'd def be instafamous

snow white sets up a family group chat. it's on whatsapp. it starts as a wholesome way to share and also keep track of each other, but it descends into chaos so so quickly:

if you're offline for even a few hours you'll have missed a bunch of inside jokes. david and henry make so many memes. emma keeps having phases offline and getting confused. zelena keeps getting kicked out and re-added every time she says anything. regina mostly ignores it but every so often will send a comment so savage it will destroy everyone else

(rumple says something out of the blue and everyone is certain they didn't add him... nobody knows how he got in and they know better than to kick him out...)

henry is the only one who gets tiktok when that starts. he exploits his insane family for it big time though - he'll drag emma and regina into challenges and videos without them knowing what it is and the results are brilliant

(also this is irrelevant but snow white is a pinterest mom and she makes all the pinterest crafts for her classroom at school)

[itcameuponamidnightqueer]

fake dating 10, any pairing you want

damie + “please just hold my hand, that person’s basically undressing me with their eyes.”

trope prompts

//

It’s not that Jamie doesn’t want to be at this school function, it’s just that—

No, that’s a lie. She definitely doesn’t want to be here, and wouldn’t if she weren’t part of the staff. Wouldn’t be here if Dani hadn’t tricked her, really, because Jamie’s usually pretty good about saying no even at work. 

“Rebecca’s back from traveling,” Dani had tried, and Jamie said no because who knows how long that’ll last. 

“Owen said he’s gonna ask Hannah out,” she’d tried next, and Jamie had actually laughed in her face. 

“Someone is actually going to have to physically force those two together,” she’d replied, and Dani’s eyes lit up, prompting her with a quirk of an eyebrow.

In no world does Jamie want to be that person.

Dani had sighed. “Free booze,” she’d grumbled, desperate. Jamie had rolled her eyes and opened the door to her well-stocked liquor cabinet.

Dani had pursed her lips together and turned her face away, almost quick enough for Jamie to miss the grin she was failing to suppress. 

If Jamie weren’t constantly on the lookout for that smile, she might have succeeded.

Dani had sighed again, raked a hand through her fluffy, perfect hair, and flopped back on the couch.

“Okay, fine,” she huffed. “You win, don’t come, we’ll hang out over the weekend and I’ll just tell you all about how lonely I was at the party—my first party without Eddie, which everyone will probably be asking me about and I’ll have to field awkward questions all night—”

Jamie scoffed. “And you think I’m going to magically make them not be awkward?”

“No,” Dani answered, a little too quickly. “I think you’d glare at them so hard they wouldn’t even ask me in the first place.”

“I think I’ve just been insulted!”

“No,” Dani laughed, “you just have that whole—” She scrunched her eyebrows together and set her shoulders, curled her lip upwards into an unmistakable hint of a sneer. Her voice, when she spoke, was half an octave lower and at least six countries away from Jamie’s accent. “—’Don’t fuck wiv’ me’ vibe going on,” she finished.

Jamie had taken a few long moments to blink away the urge to kiss her. 

“You’ve gotten worse,” she’d finally said. “Almost a year and a half working together and you’ve gotten worse.”

“Come to the party and you can spend the whole time teaching me.”

“Dani.”

“Jamie.”

Her eyes weren’t wide anymore; they’d shrunk back to being shy and vulnerable, the stormy kind of blue that Jamie didn’t ever see unless they were alone. Jamie had spent the better part of a year not acknowledging her feelings for Dani, and she was good at it. Not always good enough to escape Hannah’s shrewd gaze, but enough to where it was a genuine friendship, and she only felt the roar of devotion flare up in the quietest, most private of moments.

Jamie was excellent at controlling her emotions. She’d spent an entire lifetime honing that skill, protecting herself from the surprisingly large amount of people who seemed destined to hurt her. 

Jamie had nothing on Dani Clayton.

Dani could suppress any negative feeling until it almost ceased to exist; she had an incredible way of just...willing things not to happen. It had taken months for her to reveal the cracks in her relationship with Eddie, and even then Jamie sat by and watched, completely blown away, by how quickly and how sincerely Dani put the mask back up around people who only wanted to see silk and porcelain. The crazy thing about it was that Dani meant it; Dani gave all of her attention to everyone who asked for it. She didn’t have an insincere bone in her body.

But, god—Jamie’s life had been shit before, and still nothing made her sadder than watching Dani perform.

If all it took for her not to do that was one party, well, she could table the rest of it for later.

She’d picked up her phone and opened up the group chat they had with Hannah, Owen, and Rebecca.

“Right,” she’d groaned, “guess we’ve gotta coordinate who’s driving because the only way I’m getting through this is if I’m very, very drunk.”

.

And so Jamie finds herself at the not-yet-Christmas, ambiguously-winter end-of-semester party, sticking to Rebecca like a leech while she regales groups of coworkers with the same six stories of her very impulsive, wildly successful trip around the world. Dani, meanwhile, hasn’t been answering any awkward questions, from what Jamie’s heard, and is instead relaxed and popular as she chats with all of their friends.

Jamie almost turned around ten minutes in, once it became clear what the tone of the night would be. But there was no sense in bailing when she was already there and hadn’t driven herself, and—

Who would be there for Dani to look at, every twenty minutes or so, just for reassurance or to check in or whatever kind of comfort she might be seeking. (Jamie doesn’t know for sure what it is. She knows what she hopes it is. But that’s something else for the ‘later’ bag.)

She stays. Jamie stays and drinks and laughs and eventually gets sucked into the party of it all, which is why she’s five minutes into her best story of youthful shenanigans that didn’t end in a visit from the cops, and absolutely doesn’t notice the anxious blonde rushing at her from across the room. 

 “Hold my hand, hold my hand, hold my hand,” Dani urges, arm outstretched as she speeds closer. She hits Jamie’s elbow when she gets close enough and finally manages to wrestle Jamie’s hand into an iron grip.

Jamie, sufficiently interrupted, stops talking and looks down. “What’s going on here, then?”

Dani takes a deep breath and plasters on the worst attempt at a smile Jamie’s ever seen, which is still pretty good by most peoples’ standards. “Remember all those awkward questions I thought I’d get about Eddie?” she says through clenched teeth.

“Yep.”

“Thought they’d be full of pity, not flirting.”

Jamie’s head shoots up, trying to pick out the offenders, but Dani slaps her elbow again.

“Don’t look!” she hisses. “We have to make this convincing.”

“Make what convincing?” Jamie narrows her eyes and takes a long sip of her drink. “You’re pulling me into some kind of scheme, Poppins, and I know I’ve told you what happened the last time somebody did that…”

Dani laughs, high and fluttery and nervous in the back of her throat. “Please just hold my hand,” she implores. “Nathan is basically undressing me with his eyes but I think you can scare him off if he sees us together.”

“Nathan?” Jamie starts to scan the room again, a little less obviously this time. “Nathan Ford, the school’s sluttiest social studies teacher?”

“Mhm.”

“The same Nathan Ford who’s walking over right now?”

“What!” Dani straightens up, rigid and spooked like a deer in the road. “I can’t believe—I was so careful; is he stalking me?”

The anxiety is short-lived and replaced very quickly with anger once Jamie can no longer hold in her laughter. 

“You,” Dani says, prying Jamie’s drink from her other hand, “tricked me.”

“You tricked me first,” Jamie winks.

“I don’t even think he’s in here anymore.”

Jamie shrugs. “Probably not.”

“You made me think I was in so much trouble…”

“You’re always safe with me, Poppins.”

Dani finishes the drink.

.

The funny thing is, neither of them lets go. 

Nathan Ford isn’t the only slutty teacher and it doesn’t take Jamie long to get a glimpse of what Dani’s been dealing with, the men—single and married—who look at her just a little too long, a little too presumptuously. Dani, of course, handles it with grace and charm, and Jamie thinks that maybe she didn’t need her grumpy buffer after all.

She holds tight anyway, just in case.

It’s a dangerous thing to do, parade a fake relationship in front of all of their coworkers, but it doesn’t feel wrong or forced. They’re going on a break soon, Jamie rationalizes. School is going on a two-week break and everyone is drunk and no one is going to remember the scandal of the fourth grade teacher clinging all night to the newest member of the art department. If they do...well, everything can be laughed off or pushed down or forgotten eventually.

So they cling and they talk and Jamie expertly lets every too-interested man know, with absolute certainty, that their efforts should be directed elsewhere. She tickles her fingers against Dani’s, throws in a few isn’t that right, love’s every once in a while, rubs a hand on her back when the moment feels right. And Dani—

Dani invades her space—presses their shoulders together, scratches at the inside of Jamie’s wrist, wipes a stray bit of liquor from the side of her mouth after an untidy sip. Jamie feels all of this and lets it wash over her, lets it sink under her skin and warm her body until she feels like she could start a fire with her hands.

The night winds down and people filter out and eventually there isn’t anyone left to fool. But Dani’s hand is still in hers and Jamie is more than happy to be slow and soft with her. She stays, for the tenth and fifteenth and hundredth time.

It’s just the five of them left, eventually, and they migrate to the bar when the party room in the back seems too large for such a small group. They situate themselves on stools in the corner, and the conversation flows without a hitch. It always has with this group—Owen, Hannah, and Rebecca first, then Dani, then Jamie. She’d tell them all how much it really means to know them if anyone got enough drink in her.

Until then, she’ll scoff at group texts and drag her feet to parties and settle into the fact that they all know it’s for show anyway.

She props her head on her hand and listens, quickly approaching the sleepy part of drinking. She tries not to watch Dani too much while they all talk but it’s difficult—Dani is noticeable at a distance and absolutely striking up close. The curl of her lips as she smiles, the way they overtake her entire face if she means it enough (and she usually does); the laughter that pours out of her and directly into the hearts of anyone lucky enough to be listening; the way her ears look bigger when she hooks her hair behind them, how she only does that when she’s in very comfortable company.

After about thirty minutes, Jamie gets up to retrieve their coats before she does something stupid, like playfully tug at Dani’s earlobe or reach in to straighten the collar on her shirt.

She returns shortly, holding her leather jacket and Dani’s very puffy winter coat, and sits down without a word, content to wait for a natural break in the conversation. She folds the coats over her lap and fiddles with a coaster on the counter.

Dani absently reaches back to still her fingers after about a minute. A simple gesture—resting her hand atop Jamie’s, perhaps swiping her thumb across the back of her hand. Nothing like the displays they’d been putting on earlier. So unlike them, in fact, that Jamie doesn’t notice it at all.

Owen, Hannah, and Rebecca can’t take their eyes off it.

“So, what, were you waiting to tell me until I got back?”

Jamie nurses the dregs of her beer. “Tell you what?”

“This, what is this!” Rebecca exclaims, fluttering her fingers in the direction of Jamie and Dani’s still-clasped hands. “I go gallivanting around the world for an entire year and neither of you mention that you’ve shacked up?”

Jamie and Dani look at their hands, look at each other, and start speaking at the same time.

“We’re not dating, it was just a stupid thing for tonight—”

“Jamie’s doing me a favor since Eddie’s gone and men are creepy—”

“Right, sure.” Rebecca squints and fixes both of them with a sly glance. “It’s just for tonight, to ward off creepy men, which is why you’re still doing it since there are so many of them around now.”

“Must have just gotten used to it,” Dani offers weakly.

“Of course, which is why you still haven’t let go.”

Jamie lets go and tries not to telegraph how much she misses the weight of Dani’s hand.

“You’re definitely not dating,” Rebecca continues, “which is why Jamie got up and got her coat and Dani’s, and left the rest of us hanging.”

Dani looks down and finally notices the coat in Jamie’s lap. “You got my coat?” she asks, furrowing her brow.

“Yeah,” Jamie shrugs. “Seemed like you were ready to go.”

“Yeah, but I was—I was still talking.”

Jamie waves a hand. “You were telling the piano lesson story; you always tell that when you want the night to wind down.”

“No, I—” Dani frowns and retrieves her purse from where it’s hooked around the stool; she rummages through it frantically, her movements loose and messy. “How did you get my coat check ticket?”

“Took that from ya ages ago, Poppins,” Jamie answers. “You were so nervous you were gonna rub the number right off it, and then we’d both be shit outta luck.”

Jamie watches as the expression on Dani’s face morphs, unfurls from stern, puzzled ridges and relaxes into fondness, into twinkling eyes and soft cheeks, a mischievous affection that floors Jamie every time she sees it. Every time, she wonders how many people have been lucky enough to have been on the receiving end of this look, and hopes that the answer is ‘very few’.

“We should, um, probably go,” Dani whispers.

Jamie smiles. “We all drove here together,” she reminds Dani, just as quietly.

Dani slumps back. She reaches for her coat but instead of grabbing it, simply rests her hand on top, like she’s waiting.

Jamie breathes deeply and avoids looking at Rebecca.

“Owen, mate,” she says, daring him to tease her, “maybe you could drop off Dani and me first.”

[iknowicanbutwhy]

Well I love your bkdk Miraculous au and I want all the answers. What's the Love Square like?

Oh friend, buddy, pal, you're askin' a big question here that this entire AU is gonna revolve around and I just made this up two nights ago.

But I gotchu.

TLDR; Bakugou likes Midoriya, Midoriya is wary of Bakugou, Chat Noir is insecure around Bug, Bug really likes Chat Noir. These relationships evolve as time goes on.

so. This ENTIRE AU is secretly a REVERSE LOVE SQUARE AU.

cue evil laughter.

A'ight, in order for y'all to understand this, I need you to know that Bakugou actually acts like his prototype version at school, because he's heavily... encouraged by his parents to maintain a pleasant attitude, and it's something he's practiced since sometime after he stopped interacting with Mido as a kid. Helps make photo shoots go faster, keeps his reputation smooth, you know. You'd think he wouldn't care at all, right? I partially blame the fan mail; it can be really horrible (cough cough thinking of Social Media 101 on AO3)

You also need to know that Baku and Mido were childhood friends in this AU; Baku hasn't had real friends since he stopped interacting with Mido all those years ago, so Mido hasn't left his memories, and Mido has more or less moved on and actually forgotten Baku's name and face.

Mido remembers him as Kacchan, of course, and as the kid that was really mean but also really ironically charismatic, leader-like, talented, and with enough self assurance that Mido was almost jealous. For another kid his age, Baku was impressive.

So of course Mido would not recognize his Kacchan AT ALL through the pleasant, fake attitude and lack of stark crudeness. As a matter of fact, it kind of pisses Mido off just how dishonest Baku seems, and it changes the context of whatever helpful thing Baku says. Instead of seeing Baku as socially awkward and mean yet helpful, he sees Baku as manipulative and using his knowledge to make others feel dumb and make himself feel superior.

The one (1) thing that convinced tiny child Mido that Kacchan wasn't all that bad was that he knew Kacchan was always just. Honest. Honestly calling you a dumbass, honestly helping you be less of a dumbass. Baku of the current day seems dishonest and is definitely rude.

Baku, though, does remember Mido. And he likes this dude that doesn't take shit from his "pleasant" persona. Baku, like his prototype, does maintain the same sunny aura, but unlike his prototype, he tends to insult people on purpose. He tells them off for how shitty their homework is because - he very astutely and accurately presumes - they spend 8 hours every night wasting their life on games instead of studying for at least 2 standard hours. He says all that as politely as he can force himself, but he doesn't really realize that it comes out so much worse that way.

Whenever Mido recognizes this - and eventually he keeps a permanent eye out - he jumps in to amend Baku's statements to the person who's feelings had just been trashed. At first, he'd pull Baku aside and tell him how rude he's being. Then, Mido'd just glare Baku's way. Then, when Baku eventually admits his ineptitude in just trying to get some idiot to stop ruining their own grades, Mido tries to explain how important feelings are and how saying things in a certain way is hurtful. He can't explain it perfectly, though, because he's no social engineer and no therapist. It's a slow and frustrating process for both of them.

But Baku honestly appreciates it. HATES that he needs to to learn how to play nice all over again just to give people advice they should honestly be thankful for already, but appreciates the balls and willingness Mido has to actually do something instead of just sulking or sitting by when things go wrong.

He won't admit it, but it's nice reconnecting with an old friend who liked him when he didn't wear a mask, who probably maybe likes him now behind the mask because Mido hasn't called on any teachers yet or turned the class against him, even if Mido acts fed up as heck. He likes to tease Mido with tiny bits of knowledge he still has on Mido from when they were kids, like things Mido likes and fears. Though it's not always accurate, when it works he gets to see Mido all flustered. He's wondering how long it'll take the dumbass to remember him.

OH MAN AND THAT'S ONLY HALF THE LOVE SQUARE. The next segment is quicker, though.

Bug is reminded of his Kacchan when it comes to Chat Noir, who acts like himself in-costume. he defends Chat Noir vehemently whenever accusations of being another villain are thrown around, and is still pretty desensitized from Kacchan's brand of crudeness so much that he sees the good in Chat's actions.

Chat Noir is honestly incredibly pissed whenever Bug takes the lead and HATES that the ladybug and chat noir miraculouses are tied together like they are. He gets more and more angry when Bug defends him against the accusations being thrown around, but once he gets out of that delusion of his that Bug thinks he's better than Chat and that nobody can really like his asshole (true) persona, he starts to honestly appreciate it. For a while, he wondered if Bug only kept him around to keep an eye on him, like he really was a villain. It hurt more than he let on.

Beyond any of the drama, when they just get lost in each other, they get along pretty well. Patrols can be really fun and chill.

[not-poignant]

Do you think many things have changed about you being a writer online since the beginning of the Fae Tales Universe compared to now? Not only writing style, but including how you are online, or how you think about fandom?

Oooooo

*thinks*

Actually yeah, I mean writing style yes, but in terms of how I think about fandom and how I am online, that has changed a lot. (Adding a Read More because oh god this got LONG).

I used to like, try and be 100% kind all the time, since firstly that comes very naturally to me, and secondly because I was so like...happy and thrilled that folks were communicating with me in the beginning.

But then I was taken advantage of, and one person in particular was abusive, and at the time I didn’t see it for what it was. I’ve also been stalked. I’ve had someone turn up on my doorstep uninvited. And over time I think I’ve become no less grateful (if anything I’m more grateful for the amazing readers), but also more wary? Like, I’m more likely to delete troll messages, than I used to. And sometimes I think it will be more obvious if I’m impatient or if I’m asserting a boundary in an ask response.

Radiotherapy to the head/neck for the cancer I have also really altered things there. I realised I could die at any moment, life is really short, my tumours could metastasise at any time (I actually have one that’s growing at the moment, which is alarming) and that I don’t really have the...patience I guess, to spend time constantly saying ‘this isn’t a music rec blog’ or ‘please don’t recommend books to me because most of the time I don’t like them and people tend to resent me for it’ (as an example) year after year after year. Or to deal with bad faith anons, or anons who just enjoy the novelty of getting me to answer incessant questions about space or something else that has nothing to really do with me. I can’t tell you how many asks I’ve gotten about ‘will you ever make Augus and Gwyn dads, could they adopt a baby’ but it’s a lot and I’ve deleted most of them.

So I actually think I’m more realistically human than I used to be, online. Which is a weird thing to say, right? And maybe that pisses people off. I’ve always been very opinionated, probably to my detriment, that’s never really changed. I’m still going to tell antis to go fuck themselves.

I try and stick to a policy now with messages that piss me off, which is ‘take time before you reply to this.’ I don’t always succeed, but I usually like to wait 12-24 hours before I reply to those messages (or delete them), so I can at least give a fair and moderate response. I really hate feeling like I just got angry at someone who’s possibly only 18 years old and doesn’t really know how to articulate themselves well on the internet, and it can sometimes be hard to tell the difference between ‘troll’ and ‘someone who really just is nervous and shy and doesn’t know how to phrase their question.’

In terms of fandom, I love replying to comments more than ever, actually. Like I love it. I love kudos even more than I used to. I really am grateful for all reader  engagement. But I don’t have as much time and energy as I used to respond to every ask, so I respond to asks less, and I respond to them in a less timely manner. I really hate that, but sometimes it’s like ‘I can’t spend all of today replying to asks, I literally have to write the chapters that people want to read.’ I also get social anxiety around asks, and people can be impatient - like no one sends a second comment on AO3 going ‘heyyyy you haven’t replied to my comment yet’ - but you’d be surprised how much people put pressure on you on Tumblr sometimes, as though I also don’t have social anxiety and things might be really stressing me out. :(

In terms of my priority, it’s always 1. Writing content, 2. Replying to comments / being active on the Discord, 3. Replying on Patreon when necessary, 4. Replying to asks. If I’m behind on writing, everything else gets hit. I think when I first started out, I actually put comments and asks ahead of writing content sometimes, but now I know I will literally spend all my time responding to folks and that’s a me problem, and I’ve worked on that since lmao.

I’ve realised over the years that instead of just writing for myself, like I always used to, I also just want to deliver so many of you wonderful people good stories. This has come to matter to me more. The best way, I think, to repay some of the amazing faith and love you’ve all showed me, is to try and give you the best possible writing I can until like, my cancer makes that impossible. And so I’ve become a lot more focused as a writer, and a lot more like ‘this is where I want to be.’

I’ve also realised I care a lot less about traditional publishing, I really love serials! Er, that was a big one, I thought one day I’d transition from writing serials online to publishing books, but now I would like to always be writing serials, and publish books on the side. In a perfect world, I could also publish the serials as books too, so people could own them if they wanted to.

I’ve also seen over the years the rise of antis, and puritanical censorship, and more, and that’s made me angrier, and also much, much stronger re: feeling centred in what I write and what I have written. So I feel like I am much more like...genuinely not bothered by what antis have to say to me, and ironically I get less bothered by antis than ever before, probably because they know that I’m Teflon with claws whenever it comes to any of their rhetoric. I have a media degree that says they have no idea what they’re talking about, and I’m angry on behalf of all the readers who feel ashamed for reading certain content, and who deserve not to feel that way. So that’s like...a thing that’s changed over the years - my anger, and my anger on behalf of readers who might feel guilty or ashamed for liking noncon or incest or underage in fiction. It’s fiction. They’re allowed to engage in that without being afraid of being bullied for it. But that’s not the world we live in.

To be honest, a lot of the changes have been positive! I’ve become more sure and focused, I’ve actually become happier as a writer and a person, and I enjoy the fandom experience more, as well as writing fanfiction and stuff. I wish I had more time to like... chat about AUs and stuff and write Tumblr posts like I used to, but radiotherapy hit me pretty hard with some permanent energy loss and side effects, and so where things have changed in a bad way, it’s almost always because of health and not because I love fandom any less. And where I’ve changed in terms of sometimes being a bit more cynical about anon asks I try and remind myself to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and to just remind myself that I have my boundaries, and I’m safe/okay. I hate that I have to do that nowadays, but it was kind of stupid that I didn’t do it before.

I can’t believe how like... how lucky I am to be here. Lucky to be alive. Lucky to write for you all. Lucky to write stories I love. Lucky to reply to comments and asks like this one. I don’t ever want to lose sight of that or the gratitude.

I think the day I stop being grateful, is the day I need to walk away. It’s humbling, honestly, and I feel that more and more over time, and not less. Even when I’m an opinionated dumbass who writes too much most of the time, lmao.

(I didn’t even get to talking about how my writing style changed I’m sorry anon THIS GOT SO LONG FUCK)