#it feels like it's been so long since mafuyu has been in the story

[galaxsims]

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[w0nderhoyman]

ABSOLUTELY LONG AND PROBABLY STUPID THEORY ON THE MIZU5 ALERT!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT UPDATED ON THE STORIES SO FEEL FREE TO TELL ME!!!!!!! I WILL ADJUST AND FIX TO MATCH UP TO MY ABSOLUTE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LET ME THEORIZE ABOUT THE EVENT AND WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN

OKAY SO in the event title thing the niigo logo is breaking apart. people have been thinking that nightcord will kick mizuki out, disband, or whatever. BUT THEY HAVENT ACHIEVED THEIR GOAL OF HELPING MAFUYU GET BACK HER ABILITY TO FEEL PROPERLY. so i DONT think niigo will disband from her secret, BUT it might be more of "what Mizuki thinks will happen/is happening" after she tells their secret.

STILL TALKING ABOUT THE EVENT TITLE, the text starts to like fade and break down. i think mizuki is going to have a full on mental breakdown, considering her face in the card. also considering one of the letters makes a road of thorns, it's gonna be ROUGH for them.

STILL STILL TALKING ABOUT THE EVENT TITLE, there is a rooftop in the background. we see a rooftop in the bg of mizu's card. it's alllll gonna happen on the rooftop. AND. AND AND AND. You can see a pink butterfly (representing Mizuki) flying down, going down that road of thorns previously mentioned with a brown butterfly (representing Ena) going after her. i think this is gonna be ena somewhat to absolutely accepting mizuki for their secret, BUT mizuki was so scared of telling and overthought the whole thing that she ran away in fear. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT A FACE YOU MAKE WHEN SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR DECISIONS. THAT IS A THOUSAND YARD STARE. but with FEAR.

NOW GOING TO THE CARDS. The fact that Ena's 4* is named (something like) "In The Pained Twilight," i actually DO NOT KNOW WHAT THIS COULD MEAN. It could be that Ena is like "why didnt you tell me this before...?" but in SUCH A PAINED MANNER. I forgot what mizu's card is named but WHY IS KAITO HERE?? HE'S THE BLUNT ONE. HE HELPED MAFUYU AND SPAWNED IN FROM KANADE'S RESORTMENT TOWARDS MRS ASAHINA. SO WHY IS HE HERE.

anyways I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE VA'S AND NAKISO'S WARNINGS. im gonna focus more on ENA'S VA because it has an IMPORTANT MESSAGE.

suzuki says "I hope this will be an opportunity to think about what it means to know and face another person." MIZUKI FANS WE NEED TO HOLD HANDS BECAUSE THIS DEFINITELY MEANS THERES GONNA BE A LOT OF EMOTION AND STUFF LET OUT. Ena is the one Mizuki is telling their secret to. Ena will LIKELY be faced by Mizuki, as in a kind of manner of Mizuki being so panicked and anxious that it feels like a stand-off of overwhelming fear of being unaccepted against the reality of Ena being accepting.

AND THEN AS WE KEEP READING DOWN SUZUKI'S TWEET SHE SAYS "We live in a world where we clash more than necessary in an attempt to make things black and white, but depending on the time and position a person has been in, even if they say or do the same thing, their feelings are different underneath. I want to remember this, both as a person and as an actor." OH THIS IS DEFINITELY TRANS. "In an attempt to make things black and white," as in "born boy, always a boy and born girl, always a girl" (probably) "... but depending on the time and position a person has been in..." Since Mizuki wanted to present feminine and her sister helped her out, she is now grateful because her sister helped her greatly, "even if they say or do the same thing," conforming to society, "say or do the same thing" as in follow what the crowd says (even though mizuki literally stands out at their school), "their feelings are different underneath." AS IN MIZUKI JUST WANTS TO BE A GIRL. PLEASE SUZUKI DONT DO THIS TO ME

and the fact that Mizu's VA cried after production and her voice acting definitely means Mizuki herself broke down in the story.

NAKISO. LETS TALK ABOUT NAKISO. TODAYS TOPIC. NAKISO. Their tweet was warning us about realities or whatever BUT THIS COULD MEAN A LOT OF THINGS:

- Ena facing Mizuki's reality of their secret, knowing what it is and how painful it was to even gather up the courage to spill it, after being motivated by seeing Mafuyu move forward

- Mizuki facing Ena's reality of either accepting or not accepting Mizuki's secret.

- Everyone (as in all of us) facing the reality of the dynamic between Mizuki and Ena and how that secret might change everything to our POV

OH MY HODHVAKADNANA

[project-sekai-facts]

based on the interview posts, it's definitely thought-provoking to consider what's going to happen next. personally i do wonder if pjsekai will become "multi-generational" if it remains popular enough to continue (which is nearly impossible not to be considering a good portion of its competitors have been going for longer than 6 years at this point), the original 5 units would be the first generation, a conceptual new number of units being the next, and so on, because of the implication that "the original 5's stories will reach their conclusions and have an end" and after their conclusions are reached then, while they could write a new story with the characters with new adult issues and seeing them grow up further, there are still a lot of opportunities to expand on the game's lore and universe with new units, how the original units affected others, and especially sekai lore, especially since a lot of the game's lore has to do with miku helping out many individuals with their problems, and currently the majority of that is only done through the original unit's sekais, which is only a select 20 people's views (minus the vs fes cards which only have little lore anyways). Maybe it will be something like lovelive where the original generation (u's) has officially graduated but are still featured in newer games and still get some content in those games. Ultimately what happens next is something we just have to see the game develop closer to, but it's a solid option that the game can technically go for.

yeah like they said it's a difficult decisions. because on the one hand you've got these beloved characters and stories that people will have grown up with at that point, and continuing them on into 3rd year/university would mean there's more things you can do with them and new ideas you could include. and i think in a natural storytelling sense it would make sense to carry on with the main 5 because quite frankly having them all achieve their dreams and that before they've even finished high school is... somewhat unfulfilling? especially with n25 i think it would make a lot of sense to carry them on into uni, maybe have Ena go to art school and Mafuyu go to nursing school. even if their stories ended before they graduated uni I feel like that would be a really satisfying conclusion for them compared to maybe just mentioning that's where they're going when they finish high school. but then there's the fact they mentioned about just carrying on because it's popular and the story going stale because they only wrote so far. and that's definitely a threat because that can happen if they've only planned so far ahead. then again, the writing team is generally top-notch and other games have proven that you can stick around without people ever getting tired of the story.

i do however think the generational format could work. as you said it could expand more on the lore, introduce new characters with new problems, and prevent people from growing tired of the old ones. on the lore side of things i wonder if they would be included in the Tree SEKAI with the main 5, or if there would be a new collective sekai for them? the only thing about having a generational format similar to Love Live (where you completely conclude the story of the previous generation before the next generation...ish) is that you have to execute it well. SIP -> Sunshine worked because there was an in-universe 5 year timeskip. it left you with this legacy that u's had left that people were trying to chase, and Aqours had to learn that they had to find their own radiance instead of trying to directly copy u's. u's was long gone from the story and never actually appeared in the present day and that worked really well and i think was the best decision they could have made because actually having them there i think would ruin the whole idea of legacies and how they can work (sorry for rambling on a bit here I really like Sunshine). even in Superstar and Nijigaku there are nods to SIP and Sunshine but the characters never actually appear. It's similar to the VBS story actually with Nagi and trying to carry her legacy (with the difference is that u's and aqours are still alive. probably.).

that got a bit rambly but what i'm trying to say is that if you want to do a completely new generation and retire the old ones completely, it has to be done in a way that doesn't rely to much on stuff like random coincidences. you need there to be solid reasons why some kid would look up to a group of 4 kids who performed at a disneyland equivalent or 4 kids who held a music event. obviously there will be development in their stories between now and new units being added but I think adding in a timeskip and saying "yeah, they went on to do this really big inspiring thing" would be much more effective than a bunch of new characters who are hugely inspired by a niche teen music group that honesly doesn't really have much of an impact on anything. the reason VBS' story with legacies works is because there's actual stakes. RADder was a hugely successful group that had CD sales, national tours and a member that became a successful independent artist worldwide. RAD WEEKEND, although more limited to Tokyo, was still massively popular and inspired many people to put on an event that will surpass it. RADder is a big name and a big inspiration and leaves big shoes to fill, and that's why it works so well because there's big goals to work towards.

also in some ways as well a bunch of characters surpassing RW2 just after we saw VBS&Co put on RW2 would be a little bit unsatisfying I think. RADder are side characters who people are less attached to than VBS, but if you were to introduce VBS2 just after the original, even if there's a timeskip, it would probably leave a bit of a bad taste for some fans of the original VBS who'd spent years following their story.

to throw my own personal wishes for the games story on here, i think doing something similar to bandori or d4dj would work best for them. as in, adding new units who kinda take centre stage but still having the old units getting events and stories of their own. we could have new characters to keep things fresh but still get to see the original 20 growing up, having their careers take off, facing more adult problems and such. you could have the OG20 around to mentor the new characters as well, and keep the whole tree sekai lore intact with that being something that revolves around the original 5 units (and actually fucking develop the lore holy shit colopale it's been 3 years don't drag it out another 3 and then actually reveal all the lore before then completely retiring it). ahaha maybe this is a bit too self-indulgent and wishful thinking because I am way too attached to the main 20 but also from the perspective of someone who has done screenwriting classes at college it does work.

[the-one-that-weeps]

Let's celebrate the coming of Immiscible Discord to En with a niigo analysis. Specifically, I want to talk about Niigo and how they're affected by love.

The climax of the event isn't as much "Kanade shit talks Mafumom" as much as Kanade realizing that she knows what love is

And it is not what she's seeing right now.

Kanade as a character has come a long way; from barely caring about her health to slowly getting better, from caring exclusively about the idea of "saving" anyone to actually wanting to save Mafuyu, etc. but another important aspect of her character lies in memory.

Kanade is a traumatized person. Her memory affects her greatly, but as the story progresses, it starts to get easier. We've seen it with the carnation field, we later see it in her 4th event too. Kanade is slowly starting to embrace her memories — because it's not all dark there, because she used to be a happy person and a happy child, because her parents loved her unconditionally (even with all she's done).

Because Kanade knows what love feels like better than anyone else. And that's why she's the chosen character for this situation.

A crucial part of Niigo is about love, not even about love but how the gals react to it. Take a look: Mizuki has never been well liked and all the comfort they got (except Yuki we love Yuki) was lukewarm and distant. Mizuki also embraces that form of loving; they never get too close, they're hesitant, they're just as scared as their peers were.

Now take a look at frustrated, enraged Ena, desperately craving attention that she never got. Now take a look at Mafuyu, how fake her own affection feels, how restricted, like she doesn't have the blueprints for what to do besides smiling thinly and chugging poison. How conditional it is.

Your childhood ends up being what you are for the rest of your life.

Kanade doesn't have that because Kanade's life was good. Once — not anymore — but it was good. She was loved, and she has learnt to love copying her own parents (that's why her gift to her father in the 4th event was so important).

It's because of those experiences, because now she can look at her memory without gagging, that she recognizes Mafumom's lack of real love and stands up to it.

Even if Ena symbolises rebellion, even if Mizuki symbolises freedom, it's Kanade who talks back to Mother.

So yeah. Love was there and it continues to be there and it has been there since the beginning and it will continue to exist because once upon a time a mother and a father loved their daughter.

[mimiso-soup]

Sekai character parallels I think about a lot in the game. Very long rambling, so more under the cut! If I'm wrong about anything, please correct me! It's been a while since I've read some of the stories in Sekai, so I'm going based off on memory.

(I'm learning how to use Tumblr and I wanted to try to use "Read More". This is so neat :D!)

- Saki & Emu = They both had something majorly depressing in their lives: for Saki, it was not being able to see her friends properly and missing a lot of experiences in her youth: meanwhile, Emu lost her grandfather, the only person who really understood her, and trying to go against her father & brothers who had different views on 'Phoenix Wonderland' than her (then about the whole Wanshow disbanding thing, but that's a later thing).

Despite all this, they try to hide their troubles and negativity under genuine smiles and pure happiness. This doesn't necessarily mean they are depressed, but sometimes they have their times when they get really sad over such things. This happens at times where something really negative happens (like most of Saki's L/n focus events and I believe Emu's first event as well, but it's been a while since I've read that story so I can't really remember. But she does cry in her fourth event, too, so that counts for something), but the thing is, that suck at hiding their sadness tbh. (Again, I don't believe it's them hiding any sort of depression. It's them getting overwhelmed with negativity and not wanting to hurt others with it.) Fortunately, they have close friends who care a lot about them and get them through their troubles!

- Honami & Mafuyu = I remember seeing someone talk about this on Twitter, and I've spoken about this parallel friends a lot. They both help other people, but at the beginning of their stories, neither would say they were truly close to anyone until Honami properly reunited with L/n while Mafuyu gradually becomes closer with Niigo.

The difference is that Mafuyu never had an identity of who she really is that she made herself while Honami has one, but she's a people pleaser and afraid of being disliked. (Like me-)

What a lot of people seem to forget about Honami that she was asked by Kanade if she ever thought about "disappearing." She said yes, meaning at some point, she had depression. Gradually, with the help of her friends, Honami has become stronger in herself. She still says yes to things (like the event where she was helping at the kindergarten for art despite being unable to draw herself), but she's growing stronger with the help of her friends and does truly enjoy helping others because that's who she is.

Meanwhile, Mafuyu is not there yet and can't exactly heal at the moment since she is still suffering due to her mother. Not to mention, she needs to put on an entire "good girl face" whenever she's talking to others outside of Niigo because she's still being seen as "the ideal girl."

- Tsukasa & Minori = I think it's interesting how they're so similar yet not many people mention it. They are both a positive manifestation of "We'll get rejected multiple times, but we won't let it bring us down! We'll keep pushing forward and one day, we will be rewarded with something even better than we dreamed of!"

For Minori, she had dreams of being an idol, but it was beyond her dreams to be in an idol group with three former idols who all regained the love for being an idol they thought she had lost and want to be an idol group together. Meanwhile, with Tsukasa, he aims to be a star, and while he's still aiming to be one, he managed to find a theater troupe who he can be himself with and still grow bigger together.

- Mizuki and Ena & Rui and Nene = I saw an amazing thread on Twitter comparing MizuEna & RuiNene parallels where MizuRui stubbornly hide themselves and their feelings because they know what it's like to be hurt for being different and they care too much about those they are close with and not wanting to hurt others. This is different from Saki & Emu because while you can tell something is wrong with MizuRui, they refuse to say anything at all.

The only difference is that Minori doesn't always have confidence in herself (not tonsay that she doesn't have any at all, it's just there are times where she lacks it) while Tsukasa has too much and needed to be humbled.

With Ena & Nene, they are both different in their ways since Ena is as equally stubborn in helping others and can be a bit forceful at times, but she has learned that it takes time for some to open up and that "she'll wait for whenever Mizuki is ready." With Nene, she can tell when something is wrong with Rui because even when they grew distant for a while, they're childhood friends and neighbours. It feels that whenever Nene asks, Rui denies his feelings, and she doesn't exactly push but still watches over him.

This is interesting because you can tell that MizuRui care so much about EnaNene especially (not saying they don't care abt the others in their units, it's just those two in particular due to their relationship).

- Airi & Akito = The Shinonomes are already quite similar, so I wanted to talk about others.

When we're first introduced to Airi & Akito, they both have a "mean front" with Airi saying, "What makes you think you're fit for being an idol?" and Akito asking, "Are you really putting your all into it?" to Minori & Kohane specifically.

This is because they want others to be putting their all into things that they share equal passion in and not those who are only putting in "minimum effort" due to their own self-worth issues of Airi being an idol but her agency trying to turn her morn into a "TV personality" while Akito wants to prove his worth in music.

This is interesting because with the person they're closest to (Shizuku & Toya), they fight with them because they care so much, and they resolve it because they do care so much. They prove to be friendly and amusing afterwards with many times both AiriAki having moments going "Guys, we have to be reasonable, nO DON'T DO THAT-"

And that's all I have for now! This is a super long ramble so thank you for taking the time to read!

[pocketsizedowls]

The first time I read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, I was in my second year of college.

At the time, despite going to a university that was a 12-hour drive away, I faithfully returned home during every break, every holiday, and every long weekend. Much like Gregor Samsa, the protagonist of The Metamorphosis and breadwinner of the Samsa household, I thought my family needed me. They couldn't function without me. Texts and calls flooded in every day from my siblings, my mother, my father, so at the end of my second year of college, I wrote a creative nonfiction essay about The Metamophosis. My family is not like Samsa's, I claimed. Even if I get transformed into a bug like Samsa did, they would never faint at the sight of me. They accepted me each and every time I returned home from college, slightly changed from the last but still human at my core. They loved me, I said. They always will.

The recent release of Teniwoha's "Zamuza" via Project Sekai's N25 brought me back to that essay, and upon rereading it for the first time since I wrote it four years ago, I... pity myself. At 19, I had not yet come to terms with my family's dysfunction, my mother's narcissism, and my father's neglect. Being parentified growing up often means that you're the last of your siblings to realize you were cheated of a proper childhood, and that growing up too quickly has detrimental consequences on your health. Cortisol, the steroid hormone released into your body during long periods of stress, is only good for your body in smaller doses. Today, I am writing this post at 6am after rolling around in bed for hours, stuck in the limbo of waking and sleeping. Unfortunately, insomnia is only one of the issues that arise in adulthood after living in fight-or-flight mode your entire life. I would love to tell you more, but that would make this post way too long, so let's move on to the interesting stuff:

I see a lot of my younger self in Mafuyu Asahina, who puts on a "good girl" facade her entire life in order to meet the expectations of her demanding parents. By that I mean, she sacrifices her happiness and her identity to secure love and empathy from her mother, and boy do I know helpless that feeling can be. I only wish that when I was in high school, I also had good friends like Kanade, Mizuki, and Ena. That it didn't take me so long to realize that I am not responsible for my parents' emotions and that I did not need to take on adult responsibilities at a young age to be loved. Because love, as most people learn at a young age and I learned when I was a little older, is supposed to be unconditional.

Gregor Samsa, who transformed into a bug at the beginning of the story, died at the end of The Metamorphosis due to familial neglect. After sacrificing his entire life and identity to serve his family, they moved on quickly without him once he was no longer useful as their golden child. This would have been my fate, had I not pivoted my priorities later on during college to focus on myself. This would have been Mafuyu's fate, if not for her good friends who are unconditionally invested in her well-being. The song "Zamuza" is inspired by The Metamorphosis, and the song is often called "Samsa" when referred to in English. A tribute to Samsa, I think this song is not only Kanade's attempt to save Mafuyu, but also her way of making sure that Samsa, despite being forgotten by his family, will continue to be remembered by her audience.

Take a listen, if you haven't yet:

[essayist-unexpectedly]

hi! how you doing? you told me you would be more specific if i put an ask but you seemed busy so i didn't want to rush you smh? well here it is anyway take your time

do you think hiiragi liked yuki ?

okay uh put like that it sounds a bit easy but i'm really confused about this part of the story because when i read given for the first time, hiiragi made clear that he didn't like yuki this way and i went like "okay whatever shizu was wrong and hiiragi was only admirative of yuki it's okay" BUT.... by re-reading i've obviously learnt that you can't trust hiiragi whenever he says something because even he is unconsciously lying to himself. and the way he's convincing himself that shizu is his only love interest since forever is quite conflicting... it feels like he doesn't want to admit that shizu is right. he can't accept the fact that he had a crush on his friend's lover, or that he loved someone else than shizu even though he had apparently always wanted the perfect romance with him. shizu's revelation is crushing his feelings and offending him. he even confesses to prove him that he's wrong. but saying "i like you" is not a real proof? and that's what shizu reproaches to him?

so yeah, i first thought that shizu was wrong. but when you get into shizu's character a bit more, he's absolutely not the type to get wrong about people's feelings. usually when you're the quiet type it means you have more time to pay attention to the others' feelings. he spent so much time with both yuki and hiiragi, and from an external point of view anyone could clearly tell either there was love involved between the two or not. shizu already showed that he could see ritsuka's inner conflicts, mafuyu's hesitation, and even hiiragi's feeling of loneliness after yuki's death. it's crazy how he can read people, so how could he be wrong on hiiragi's feelings? just because of jealousy deceiving him? i don't know it doesn't match to me...

BUUUUUT at the same time (the reason why i want to hear about your opinion), hiiragi thinks about it thoroughly and figures that the answer he was looking for was simply admiration of yuki's love to mafuyu. like he just wanted to have that with shizu. but if it was really the case, why realising it only after his death? because he listened to umi e completed? really? why didn't he understand his feelings for shizu when yuki was still here? even though they had always been stuck together? hiiragi was clearly blinded by yuki back then. it's even an obsession that kept him from seeing shizu's love (which was obvious since long enough according to mafuyu) SO I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE because this moment hiiragi is kind of depressed, it seems like he's making up arguments to prove himself again that shizu has always been the only one. and i get him, it would be tough to admit that you loved your friend's ex, and that the one you love now isn't the one you've always wanted to be with even if you know him since forever (the most unclear sentence i'm sorry lololol)

AND another thing that i've just thought about, but it'd almost feel devious from hiiragi? maybe him liking yuki in the past would explain why he had never talked about mafuyu and yuki's relationship. maybe he didn't make it to real jealousy but he clearly didn't do anything about that, not even supporting them, even though he's someone pretty open about what he thinks of others. he immediately gave his opinion about mafuyu and ritsuka's relationship but didn't have one on mafuyu and yuki's? could it be because he simply couldn't lie to them by showing support? or by claiming he's against their relationship? even he didn't know how he felt but maybe it's true that shizu had understood it from the beginning?

i leave you with my 2am inner-conflicts about given again good luck girl

first and foremost, this has taken me so long - my bad, I had what I'm nicknaming a hell-week of assignments and midterms.

I also want to say thanks for this ask, every part of this was so fun to write because Hiiragi is such an interesting character! I do want to preface though and say I suck at romance - do not let me other essays trick you, so I apologize if anything doesn't make sense, it's because of my own lack of understanding on romance. that being said, I do think I did decent at least on putting Hiiragi's possible feelings into some sort of a light - probably a dramatic red spotlight.

also I wrote this super late, if anything doesn't make sense I was running on 3 hours of sleep and stress, so please ask for clarifications when needed!

anyways, now onto Hiiragi! (with appearances of others)

so in terms of Hiiragi having a crush on Yuki - yes but also no. I believe that he had one, but it was never something big enough that he realized it. in fact, I think that Shizusumi would be the only one to pick up on it - and that's for a reason I'll get into.

I think that he idolized him deeply, admired him in a way that was more than friendship but also not quite love. There was a thin line that Hiiragi would walk between the types of love, but he always stayed platonic in the end. he was always thinking of Yuki in the highest way that one could, and he loved him fully. still, I don't think he ever wanted a relationship with him, I don't think he ever had a crush that was fully developed - it was minuscule at most.

another thing is, he knew about Mafuyu and Yuki's dynamic, which I think would help him to not realize his own feelings even more. I do believe Hiiragi is a complete hopeless-romantic archetype, so I can see him believing in soulmates. Hiiragi is the one who really mentions how Yuki and Mafuyu's personalities grew to compliment each other and how their dynamic was a natural shift, something that I believe he felt like he couldn't question. I think that Hiiragi would think of the two as soulmates in a way, perfect halves meant for each other. with this, Hiiragi would likely then shove down and not realize - really compartmentalize - any possible attraction to Yuki. he wouldn't acknowledge it because he saw them as the standard.

so that's the basic on whether or not I think Hiiragi had a crush on Yuki. he toed the line, leaning towards idolization with a petite cute little crush that he would never actually realize. I think that would be in part because he's a hopeless romantic who saw Yuki as someone who already had his soulmate.

now as for Shizusumi. he is incredible at reading people, but I am willing to suggest that his feelings around Hiiragi would be able to skew his ability to read him. I believe there's a high probability of projection because of jealousy.

I believe that Shizusumi picked up on the tiny crush that Hiiragi had and then proceeded to exaggerate it. Hiiragi is his first friend and the first person who he'd ever had a crush on. in a healthier way than Mafuyu and Yuki, Hiiragi is Shizusumi's person since childhood. in order to defend himself from any sort of possible rejection, it's possible that Shizusumi decided to focus on the idea of Hiiragi having a crush on Yuki, ignoring how in reality it was barely there, so much so that Hiiragi himself didn't know about it.

in the end, when Shizusumi confronts Hiiragi about his feelings, I think him bringing up Hiiragi's own possible feelings for Yuki is still a defence mechanism. it's a way for him to explain why Hiiragi would reject him. he projects his feelings for someone he considers his life onto Hiiragi, who held Yuki on a pedestal as well. Shizusumi believing that Hiiragi has a crush on Yuki is his way of defending himself for the possibility that Hiiragi wouldn't return his own feelings.

I think that this also means that Shizusumi cannot read Hiiragi as well, not in terms of romance.

(also, Hiiragi's mood shifts are on the high end, the man scores high in neuroticism, I promise. I think that Hiiragi would be hard for anyone to read, including Shizusumi. I don't mean this in a bad either, I just think that Hiiragi's a very expressive person.)

now, onto the point of Hiiragi on Yuki and Mafuyu. I've said it before and I will say it a million times more, even if I'm screaming into a void - Hiiragi looked at those two with rose tinted glasses, both idolizing and romanticizing their relationship.

Hiiragi by no means had a healthy view on the Yuki/Mafuyu dynamic. he saw them as the ideal relationship - childhood friends to lovers, hero/damsel, quiet + loud dynamic. he saw them as soulmates (which I mentioned before, I don't think he would ever really realize his feelings because of that, he would just be admiring of that dynamic and therefore think 'how could they love someone else when they're perfect?').

but this view absolutely blinded him. he was so totally not able to see the flaws within their toxic codependence. so, Hiiragi kind of being like 'hey, I super idolized that relationship, that's probably why Shizusumi thinks I had a crush' ain't the wildest thing. I also do believe that those can be confused - him wanting their relationship versus him wanting someone in the relationship.

I do think that Hiiragi solely brushing it up to this is inaccurate, I think he was in denial about anything else being the truth. he probably doesn't want to be that person who's in love with his dead best friend who was fully enamoured with his alive childhood best friend. it would be a weird situation, and I can't blame him if that was part of the denial.

overall - this section is me saying that Hiiragi may have brushed off the small feelings he had as him idolizing the relationship, but overall it's not too wrong for him to say that as it's very true.

(I would not be surprised if him romanticizing Yuki and Mafuyu's relationship is also part of why Shizusumi thought he had a crush. he mistook the romanticization to be actual, deep romantic feelings. I just think that the projection argument is better and that this fits better down here as I just thought of it.)

as for Hiiragi possibly not being outwardly supportive because of his feelings? I think he's grown bolder. not as a person, the audacity has always existed, but specifically around Mafuyu. I also think he's grown more protective.

Mafuyu and Hiiragi, while childhood friends, kind of had an interesting dynamic. Mafuyu was, in a way, very much Yuki's. Mafuyu was introduced through Yuki when younger and he was always at Yuki's side, complimenting Yuki's personality, keeping comfortable with Yuki. while Hiiragi tried to get close, there was always a gap between them that could be bridged, the gap was Yuki. as dark as it sounds, Yuki's death created a bridge to let them really be around each other.

I think that Hiiragi is more open about his feelings around Mafuyu and Uenoyama because of there no longer being someone connecting them, instead they're able to actually communicate.

another reason would be how I keep bringing up the idea of him thinking of Yuki and Mafuyu as soulmates. who could criticize soulmates, meant to be together? he couldn't, he wants his own soulmate to hold like that. his own other half like they appeared to be. he couldn't see a flaw to speak out against and their relationship developed naturally to him, so when would he comment on them? to compare this with Uenoyama and Mafuyu, they don't have that prestablished soulmate dynamic to Hiiragi, they formed later and so he was more able to speak up, speak his mind on their relationship. one of the key ways this is seen is how he says that the Mafuyu and Yuki fight was 'small' and over 'something pointless', whereas he is more than willing to tease Uenoyama and Mafuyu over their arguments.

this is the main focus of the essay I have planned - how Hiiragi views the relationships between Yuki/Mafuyu versus Uenoyama/Mafuyu and how that affects his relationship with Mafuyu and his partners. that's why I was like - if you want something more specific on Hiiragi and Yuki, ask me that outright because otherwise I may not get exactly what you want.

thank you so much for this ask, I do hope that I managed to shed some lights on a way to think of this. the whole messy mystery behind Hiiragi and his feelings. I can never be confident when I analyze him, and I know that this is probably kind of confusing because I'm saying that he both did and didn't having feelings, but I am also really bad at even understanding romance, so that's probably why.

I think that Hiiragi may have had very minor feelings, that Shizusumi picked up on those feelings but exaggerated them as a defence mechanism (aka projection), and I think he didn't comment on Mafuyu and Yuki because he not only romanticized them but also because he was kind of not close enough with Mafuyu the same way that he was now.

again, sorry this took so long to get back to you on, I should be around more often with random mini things - as I do want to start to do mini analysis pieces that aren't massive even when informal like this is haha

(also, writing this has also lead me to conclude I straight up might do an essay on the quartet because yeah, they're really complicated to think about in terms of dynamics. it's a great group, they're close, but there's still holes within them and their bonds. but that would be after the Hiiragi essay which is my next one after I'm done one for a completely different fandom. my Given Essays will probably return late November to early December, because I've grown to be a bit more obsessive in my writing. but thanks for the new topic idea)

[atalina-falling]

n25 and sakura: secret distance event analysis

I read the Secret Distance event a while back and it’s been stuck in my head ever since, so I wanted to take a deeper look into the scene in chapter 6 where the members of Nightcord at 25:00 discover the sakura tree. Specifically, I wanted to analyze their individual reactions to the falling blossoms and the way these reactions all reflect larger themes in each of their own stories. Spoilers for the Secret Distance event below cut, as well as discussions of suicidal ideation:

mizuki

Mizuki’s reaction is the easiest to decipher, since this event is mainly focused on them. From the flashbacks to their past, we can see that Mizuki associates sakura with the experience of being an outsider and watching everyone else admire the flowers with their friends. Because they thought this was something they could never experience, they didn’t see the sakura as pretty, even though the flowers perfectly fit the cute pink aesthetic that Mizuki loves. In the present, Mizuki is watching the sakura with the other members of N25 and realizes the flowers look beautiful because they’re together with people who genuinely care about them. Another factor might be that Mizuki has grown into the cute feminine aesthetic much more since middle school and has used it to develop an identity of their own, allowing them to appreciate the flowers that fit their own aesthetic.

kanade

I get the feeling that Kanade hasn’t seen anything other than music as beautiful in a long time, especially anything commonplace. It’s been shown that she rarely goes outside and has little interest in tasks like eating or sleeping as they take time away from music. In the previous event, Singing Among the Cherry Blossoms, she sees Ichika, Kohane, and Minori singing together under the sakura trees in the park but makes no particular note of the flowers, only saying the trio’s music is nice (Chapter 8: Meeting As They Bloom). However, here with N25, ordinary sakura become so beautiful for Kanade that she is confused by her own reaction.

mafuyu

Mafuyu is envious that the sakura petals look beautiful as they die. This event does a good job of highlighting Mafuyu’s passive suicidal ideation and shows that although she has made the decision to live on and continuee making music with N25, she still considers death to be the easiest escape from everything she’s going through. In chapter 5: The Last Haunted Place, Mafuyu expresses empathy with the prodigy music student who died under the pressure of everybody’s expectations.

However, Mafuyu also knows that if she were to ever disappear, her parents and peers would all be disappointed in her. She’s envious of the sakura and how they are admired by everyone as they fall, seen as beautiful in their final moments, because it is something she will never have.

ena

Ena is envious that the sakura are admired for their inherent qualities while she struggles every day to receive attention. For Ena, beauty is a tool she uses to get validation from others. She constantly tries to create beauty through her social media posts and to some extent her art. The idea that something could be beautiful in its natural state, without even trying, is unfair to her, especially the fact that it is admired by everyone. (Side note: I am begging Sega for a MafuEna cover of Jealousy by *Luna).

TLDR: no one in this damn group is capable of looking at sakura normally.

Okay, that’s all !! I have a million thoughts about this event but I wanted to analyze this moment in particular.

[akuma-homura]

no but I know I've rambled here before but the concept of Sekai's and in general Project Sekai's lore is so bloody fascinating to me it makes my mind gears spin in increasing speed every time I get on it

this is a lot of rambling and a bit of a train of thought derailment, but.

I just watched a theory video someone made about the Sekai's and wondering what they are and-- I realized I didn't know much about the Fragment Sekai at all, and hearing about them just has me. Hoooooo man my mind is wirring.

Sekai are made from feelings, the feelings of a group, though sometimes the feelings of one, but maybe influenced by those around them / close to them...

Fragment Sekai are more temporary and unstable... but also from the feelings of a person, but they disappear quickly. The way the one was described, felt like the experience of a dream...

I forgot ENTIRELY about the start of the game, Miku addressing us, the players, the quiz... guardians? Acting as guardians for the Sekai? Why would the Sekai need guardians...?

I know the Evillious sekai might not even really be canon, but I love the thought of some Sekai popping up made from memories as well...

and the abandoned Sekai... the fact that those... were still around, even after long being abandoned... the bad ends for Sekai's, I assume... which...

Has me think to 25ji KAITO. Like, him being manifested from Mafuyu's suppressed anger would have him basically being on a mission to get things going make sense as is-- but. The way at least the translations made things sound.

>'So this…is the Empty SEKAI.' (he knew what it was called. He knew where he was. This was also his FIRST TIME being there, because he had JUST been manifested.)

>'You're the Miku for this Sekai.' (An acknowledgement of the fact many Miku exist in many different Sekai-- which. I guess some VS seem aware as is, but this felt REALLY detached? Not detached as in not making sense, it does-- but detached like... okay, by comparison, it sounded like Rin and Miku at least kind of knew each other when Rin showed up. But this...)

(I also admit-- I don't remember and need to look up to see what other instances of seeing the Virtual Singers showing up in a Sekai looked like. So maybe some of this isn't weird, my memory is just bad, and I just missed stuff. Like, whether they recognize/know the names of the group or not. Him not knowing Mafuyu's name struck me as odd, but I don't know if that's unusual or not. I'm going to need to take notes to look through other virtual singers...)

(but, outside of that...)

>His very specific wording... That Mafuyu's mother would KILL Mafuyu's emotions. Like, him using the word kill seems to shock both Mafuyu, and 25jiMiku herself. He's really intense, maybe it could account for that, but... ...now I look to the abandoned Sekai, and wonder. If the Empty Sekai is from Mafuyu's feelings... what would happen... if her feelings were 'killed off' completely...?

I'm... gonna stop rambling here since if I continue I'll REALLY get off a train of thought, so perhaps I really should try to put together notes and my thoughts together and research the story more to compare things, but...

waves hands. yes.

[gaiaxygang]

Blorbos From My Games: An Introduction

So you may have seen me talking about EnaMafu from Project Sekai. What the hell is an EnaMafu and why do they remind June Gaiaxygang of seemingly every PerthChimon pair in existence? Since my circle on Tumblr is majority Thai BL fans (unlike Twitter) this felt like a good time to make another Big EnaMafu Post wehehehhehe

Project Sekai: Colourful Stage

First off, what is Project Sekai (PRSK)? Project Sekai: Colourful Stage ft. Hatsune Miku is a Japanese mobile rhythm game launched in September 2020 featuring a cast of 20 original characters and of course, Hatsune Miku and her Vocaloid friends. It features rhythm gameplay (obviously) as well as 5 main stories, and ongoing event stories.

We're currently at 3 years of service, and the characters have been aged up by a year! Because I don't read (I HAVE A BAD ATTENTION SPAN) I'll only cover what is neccessary for Ena and Mafuyu, but their stories are heavily linked to every other cast member, especially their unit.

In PRSK, several music-loving teenagers notice an 'Untitled' music file on their devices. Clicking on it transports them to another world, 'SEKAI', where they meet Hatsune Miku. Miku encourages them to pursue their dreams and helps them overcome fears and soar as musicians.

25ji, Nightcord de.

One of 5 units in PRSK is 25ji, Nightcord de. (aka Nightcord at 25 or Niigo!). They're an online music circle who make songs anonymously, communicating via messaging service Nightcord at 25:00, or 1 AM from roughly 2 years before the start of the story.

This unit consists of songwriter Yoisaki Kanade, lyricist Asahina Mafuyu, artist Shinonome Ena, and MV maker Akiyama Mizuki. The 2 I will focus on are Mafuyu and Ena, though I'll be making references to the others (and occasionally characters outside of their unit).

Kanade has loved music since she was young. One day, she writes a song for her father that wins a competition. This causes her father to later overwork himself, unable to live up to Kanade's composition, falling into a coma.

Kanade, blaming herself for this, sets out to write a 'song that can save people'. She posts music online under the alias K, where she eventually meets honour student Mafuyu, going by Yuki. Touched by Kanade's songs, Mafuyu wants to write lyrics alongside her. Soon, they are joined by aspiring artist Ena and social outcast Mizuki.

The 4 of them continue unit activities as usual, Mafuyu offline, until one day a file named 'Untitled' appears on Kanade's computer, together with a white-haired Hatsune Miku that urges her to 'find that girl, before it's too late'. Clicking on 'Untitled', the 3 are transported into an empty 'SEKAI', where the 4 meet for the first time.

Asahina Mafuyu

Asahina Mafuyu is the lyricist of Niigo, who goes by K online. Although she has a friendly exterior, she has long lost sight of herself under the weight of others' expectations.

Throughout her life, Mafuyu has always been pressured to be a perfect 'good kid' by her parents, especially her controlling mother who wants her to be a doctor rather than a nurse, which Mafuyu wanted to be when she was young. Mafuyu strives to meet these expectations, getting perfect grades and even becoming the class president in her second year of high school, and regularly participating in the archery club.

At some point, Mafuyu started to realise that her true 'self' had been lost. For years, she had changed herself over and over to fit into the 'good kid' mold to meet expectations of everyone around her. Unable to feel anything or have preferences of her own, she started wanting to disappear.

Upon hearing Kanade's song, she felt something stirring in her chest. This prompted her to reach out to K, eventually forming a music circle with her. She also writes her own songs under the pseudonym OWN, publishing them and gaining enough views to match Niigo's numbers on her own.

Mafuyu despises her natural talent. It has never been something she has wanted, and has always caused her pain as it led to people expecting more of her over time. She searches for something, anything that will save her to no avail, and her feelings manifest in the form of the Empty SEKAI, a world with nothing.

Shinonome Ena

Shinonome Ena is the artist of Niigo, drawing their thumbnail and MV art. The daughter of a renowned artist, Ena has strived to create art loved by many, often to little success.

Ever since young, Ena has loved art. She looks up to her father, Shinei, a well-known artist. She attended an art class and intended to apply to a high school with a specialised art course.

However, once Ena confides in Shinei about wanting to pursue art as more than a hobby, she is quickly shot down. Shinei tells her that she has no talent and cannot succeed in the world of art. The next day, when she attends her art class, her teacher Yukihira tells her that she won't be able to make it as an artist because she draws for attention from others rather than a love for art. This leads Ena to believe her art is worthless, but at the same time strengthens her resolve to draw and prove everyone wrong.

Ena was touched by Kanade's song. After hearing it, she drew illustrations based off the music. This prompted Mizuki to use her artworks for a fanmade music video of the song, causing Kanade and Mafuyu to reach out to them, officially forming Niigo.

Ena craves acknowledgement and respect. She has always felt inferior to others around her, especially those that she considered 'talented'. These feelings cause her to start to want to disappear, similar to Mafuyu. She wants to try hard, yet her efforts rarely bear fruit and she starts to wonder if it's worth trying at all. To fill the void in her heart, she posts selfies on social media, only to be disappointed when her personal account gets more interaction than her art account.

The Story: EnaMafu Cut

In main story, after finding out about Mafuyu's emptiness, her want to disappear and her activities as OWN, Ena is furious. She doesn't understand why someone like Mafuyu, with talent and recognition would be suffering, as those are things Ena has desired for a very, very long time. She is taken aback when Mafuyu points that Ena, too, wants to disappear and hates that of all people, it's Mafuyu that understands her pain.

Later in main story, Ena yells at Mafuyu, making her true feelings known. Deep down, she loves Mafuyu's music, her lyrics and screams and Mafuyu to not disappear because she has to keep creating on this earth, suffering with everyone who doesn't have the talent she does. Although this is honestly something you should never tell someone on the verge of suicide, it's something Mafuyu needs. Ena's bluntness, together with Kanade's promise to save Mafuyu, is enough to convince her to return to the real world and continue making songs with Niigo.

In the next event story, Imprisoned Marionette, we find out more about Mafuyu's relationship with her mom. Mafuyu's mom (I will call her ASHN Mama because she is unnamed) is controlling as well as verbally abusive, wanting Mafuyu to be nothing short of what she envisions. This makes Mafuyu feel like a puppet in a cage, dancing in her mother's palm. This is where, in my opinion, Ena starts to understand Mafuyu more. She sees for herself why Mafuyu is the way she is, even if she doesn't know what to do with these feelings in her heart, she wants to try to help.

The next event story is Ena's. In Unsatisfied Pale Colour, Ena enters an art contest against Shinei's suggestion. She wants to win it and prove Shinei wrong, but ends up proving him right in a way when she fails to win a single award. This, together with comments that suggest viewers of Niigo songs don't care about Ena's art on its own, lead Ena to start to consider giving up on art entirely.

Ena enters the SEKAI, starting to understand why Mafuyu came to it when she wanted to disappear. It's comfortable and silent, with nothing to disturb her or remind her of things that hurt. When she is found by Niigo, she confesses that she doesn't want to give up on art, but sees no reason to continue because her efforts will never amount to anything.

When Kanade and Mizuki reassure Ena of the importance of her art to Niigo, the blunt Mafuyu tells her something else. She tells Ena that in her eyes, she doesn't have a reason to give up on art. If she wants to be acknowledged by the public and by Shinei, she has no reason to stop drawing now. Niigo has to continue making songs as a unit anyways, so what's the point in quitting?

This. This is such a big moment to me. Although Ena needs reassurance, sometimes it isn't quite enough. And just like how Ena's blunt words got through to Mafuyu in main story, Mafuyu's honest thoughts get to Ena, too. Niigo give Ena support that she's never truly received, causing Ena to become more open about her feelings and concern for others, which is crucial in later parts of the story.

(dangerous romance folks. this is why i say ep 3 is the pale colour of drts. so much of it parallels kanghan's own arc and revelations in the end of ep 3)

As the story continues, EnaMafu takes a backseat. As Mafuyu discovers more about herself, her trauma and starts to feel something like warmth again because of Kanade in Mirage of Lights, Ena is also becoming kinder and softening up to her unitmates. She shows concern for Mizuki, who she notices is distancing herself from Niigo. This is shown best in My Footsteps, Your Destination, where Ena tells Mizuki she'll keep waiting for Mizuki to confide in her. (happy 2 irl years since, btw. no progress has been made!)

Niigo is slowly realising that ASHN Mama is the cause of most of Mafuyu's pain. This becomes more apparent as Mafuyu skips mock exams to spend time with Niigo and her grades in class start dropping, resulting in ASHN Mama trying to isolate Mafuyu further.. After discovering traces of Niigo on Mafuyu's laptop, ASHN Mama suspects there is a music-loving classmate encouraging Mafuyu to do music, distracting her from her studies.

Niigo is, of course, trying their best to support Mafuyu throughout this. It is Ena who takes the first step, in a way, on a rainy day after her art class.

The Big EnaMafu Event

Sorry. Header not necessary but it is my favourite PRSK event of ALL TIME. I was top 3000 I can prove this. Someday, This Wish Will Transcend The Morning Sky is an event that focuses on Ena and Mafuyu. The event title even references Mafuyu's surname (asa, meaning morning in this context)!

In this event, Ena is heading home from her art class (which she has since started attending again, despite quitting after what Yukihira said to her in middle school) when she runs into Mafuyu. It's starting to rain, yet Mafuyu is making no move to get out of the rain. Mafuyu is internally contemplating whether she should go back home immediately or stay outside longer, knowing that there's something about her home that makes her feel uncomfortable.

Ena, noticing this, invites Mafuyu to the Shinonome household. Shinei is currently out on a work trip, so it's only SNNM Mama (again, unnamed) and her younger brother Akito (from another unit, Vivid Bad Squad) at home.

Once they're in Ena's room, they call ASHN Mama, requesting for Mafuyu to stay over. ASHN Mama doesn't know Ena is one of Mafuyu's music friends, of course, but she doesn't want anything distracting Mafuyu from her studies. In response, Ena does the one thing she despises. She uses her father's name, saying that she is the daughter of artist Shinonome Shinei, who wants to draw Mafuyu for a project while Mafuyu helps her study. This works, and although Ena doesn't like it, she's glad Mafuyu is safe.

At dinner, Mafuyu starts to notice something different about the Shinonomes.

The Shinonomes aren't a perfect family, even without Shinei present. The siblings bicker, and SNNM Mama, while loving, sometimes fails to understand Ena (she is implied to have absolutely no idea about Shinei and Ena's fight but that's another topic). But it's warm. Mafuyu can feel the warmth of their family, despite their flaws, so different from her own. Asahina family dinners were always cold, despite them seeming like a perfect, quiet family on the surface.

Ena is the only one that can make Mafuyu realise this. Kanade lives alone as her mother passed when she was young, and her father is in a coma. Mizuki's parents and older sister work overseas, so Mizuki also lives alone. Ena is the only one who is able to show Mafuyu what a warm, somewhat normal family is like.

After dinner, the 2 return to Ena's room. Ena and Mafuyu have a heart-to-heart about what Mafuyu's feelings towards her mother. When Mafuyu expresses how she's afraid of letting down her mother, Ena starts to understand. Ena herself had similar feelings about Shinei, but while Mafuyu has suppressed her true self out of fear, Ena rebels and strives to continue doing what she loves.

This conversation also gets Ena to reflect on her own relationship with Shinei, realising that although their relationship is pretty much unsalvagable, she respects him as an artist and acknowledges that he didn't have bad intentions. Akito had previously talked to Shinei and told Ena that Shinei just didn't want to see Ena fail like several of his artist friends. Ena doesn't forgive him for this, continuing to avoid him as best as she can despite coming to an understanding.

Later at 1 AM, the two log on to Nightcord for their Niigo meeting. As Mafuyu starts to work on lyrics, Ena notices how focused she is. Although Mafuyu claims to have no dreams or aspirations of her own, her expression while she writes tells Ena something else. Seeing this, Ena gains inspiration for her art project and starts to draw.

Silently, Ena prays. Seeing how Mafuyu is like doing what she loves, Ena wishes that someday, Mafuyu will break out of her shell. That one day, Mafuyu will be free of her mother's chains, doing what she loves, no longer suppressing herself to make others happy.

This... this is an incredible event. It reflects EnaMafu's development, especially Ena's. From not being able to understand eachother (something that Marionette's event song, Jackpot Sad Girl highlights) to empathy and concern and even love (of the platonic type! or romantic idk up to you). It highlights why Ena and Mafuyu are important in eachother's lives, and how they have a role no one else can fill.

And that's pretty much all the major EnaMafu stories! Since then, Mafuyu has gotten closer and closer to finally escaping her mother. Some key events are Immiscible Discord, where Kanade reveals herself as Mafuyu's music friend and swears to ASHN Mama that she will never leave Mafuyu's side after realising there is nothing like love in her heart for Mafuyu. Another one is Our Escape for Survival, where Mizuki tells Mafuyu that sometimes, running away from your problems is okay as long as you face them someday.

(i... i really like mafuyu's card in this event. 1. RAIN MOTIF! not posting mizuki's but she's giving mafuyu an umbrella and getting drenched herself in it!!!!!! 2. holy hell that hairstyle and the piercings. i need it to come home during the rerun or i WILL die)

This all culminates in Niigo's final event before 3rd Anniversary, Saying Goodbye to My Persona. Here, Mafuyu finally cuts the strings binding her and admits her true feelings to her mother.

ASHN Mama, of course, rejects this. She is unable to comprehend that Mafuyu has been suffering all this time. She throws Mafuyu's phone into the fish tank and in response, Mafuyu runs out into the rain (!). Niigo search for her, and eventually it is Kanade who finds her. They hug, sharing in eachother's warmth in spite of the cold rain.

And that's where we're at with Niigo! Their next event is in like under a week so we WILL find out where their story goes soon... Ena and Mafuyu are now 3rd years, and Mafuyu is living with Kanade!

Why Ship EnaMafu?

I have been an EnaMafu fanatic since Pale Colour (my PRSK account proves it but I do not currently have screenshots...). They're opposites, yet they complement eachother so well. They're able to relate because they've both been mistreated by their parents, yet unable to comprehend because they reacted so differently to it. Mafuyu hiding away parts of herself and Ena becoming bolder, trying to rebel even if it hurts her.

They're able to see through eachother, and their bluntness (Ena due to her personality, and Mafuyu because she is unable to understand why her words might hurt) is something so unique to Ena And Mafuyu. They've become key parts of eachothers' lives, despite their initial conflict. Although Mafuyu has difficulty showing it (writing issues lol) Ena like all members of Niigo is someone she cares deeply about. And Ena, who has always been stubbornly supporting Niigo, slowly starts to open her heart up to someone she used to hate.

They also have 3 cover songs that highlight their similarities. Hello/How are you, about a lonely girl who just wants her voice to be heard (this is the one i think is kanghansailom). Hurting for a very hurtful pain, a song about, well... pain (i am not a vocaloid expert sorry). And my personal favourite, Love me love me love me which can be interpreted in a number of ways but is mainly about a girl crying out, desperate to be loved.

All of this drives me Up The Wall. I love their dynamic and development over the 3 years I've known them. I may be biased (I own like $100 SGD of Ena merch) but I really, really love EnaMafu!!!

So Why Does This Remind Me Of BL?

(this one is mainly for my bl mutuals you can skip this if you want)

The obvious answer is that I am unwell and like making my interests about eachother.

A slightly more serious answer would be that many have compared EnaMafu's dynamic and tropes to yaoi. Contrary to popular belief I do not read or watch yaoi so I cannot confirm this. But it sounds about right!

The actual answer is that it's because some BL characters have arcs that are similar to this. As I have pointed out many many times, Ena reminds me a LOT of Kanghan (Dangerous Romance). From the dad problems to how they've changed because of Mafuyu and Sailom (on Ena's side it's a group effort! But come on).

They're also very ChopperBen to me in quite a few ways. The obvious one being the parental problems (let's be real here.) but also how to me, ChopperBen have a certain level of... Misunderstanding... between them. They've led different lives and been through different things and have different personalities which is why the Bathroom Fight happens!!! Of course there are more feelings below it but it goes down to their fundamental differences in the end. Which is pretty much early EnaMafu.

(also because i erm. the enamafu fic i wrote from ena's pov is a scrapped ben pov chopperben fic? certain elements of it, not the whole thing lol. i was thinking about how ben likes to play off his very serious wants as jokes and how he can barely speak his honest thoughts, then i went, Wait A Minute. and wrote 500 words. you can read it here)

This is pretty much why my PerthChimon wishlist looks something like,

miserable teenagers (this one is likely knowing GMMTV)

unable to understand eachother for some reason (and its not funny)

burdened by natural talent and fears being untalented (self explanatory)

THANK YOU for reading my absurdly long post. I adore PRSK and EnaMafu and they've been my personality for 3 years and counting (PerthChimon gives them competition). You can listen to Someday, This Wish's event song I Nandesu here!

(and of course thank you @naomi-obsessions for reading and supporting my very unhinged enamafu posting <3_<3)

[nogenderbee]

SO SORRY FOR NOT ASKING QUESTIONS LATELY, EXAMS ARE COMING LIKE MAYBE NEXT WEEK? AND SCHOOL HAS BEEN MESSING UP MY SCHEDULE😭😭 LUCKILY I STILL HAVE TIME LEFT!! >:3

(since i didnt send you more questions, i'll give you two)

Question1: what pjsk character first made you interested?? Like first favorite!!. Second is, what is your first fanfiction you ever wrote?? Do you look back at it and say "damn thats cringe" i do that too when seeing my old posts😭😭

-Daily! Question anon

Don't worry about it!! Like I said, mental health comes first <3 So don't be afraid to focus on school, I figure it has something to do with that and generally private life since you mentioned it before as well!

As for questions... I'm gonna be predictable here but it was An ^^ An was my first pjsk favorite and it just stayed!

But I remember having Mafuyu as my favorite from niigo instead of Ena for a really long time! So that actually changed!

As for fic, YES. It's wattpad story that I wrote... 5 years ago? In short, it was Ayato Aishi (yandere sim) x reader fic and omg ToT

I can't even being myself to read it BUT I STILL GET NOTIFS FROM THAT BOOK

Like I dunno if it's that bad or people just feel nostalgia... Anyway, I'm not admitting to it. There's a reason why I'm not telling name of it and let it stay like that for a little while more-

So don't worry, it's normal to feel your stomach then upside down when you look at your old posts... I think I deleted some if my old worka from Tumblr too honestly- keyword being I think.

[tsudelune]

'' when you're happy , i'm happy too ,,

- ichika hoshino x reader

a/n : this is really random and honestly self-indulgent, but if you didn't know, my favorite is ichika :) this is like a songfic i suppose, but not really. this is inspired by one of my favorite yoasobi songs named haruka, or faraway! it's a beautiful song with such a heartwarming story, so i decided to pose this fic off of that. ichika was chosen because (i like ichika) i feel like this song is pretty similar to the leo/need story. of course there's others that might fit better, but whatever! lyrics here! if you can't tell, i'm heavily biased to leo/need. heavily.

warnings : lengthy, big leo/need story spoilers! this is just me writing the entire leo/need main story with reader included but being biased to ichika. i rambled way too much on this post. so sorry about it :(

style : oneshot (tbh, it's a whole story.)

when you were young, you were afraid of being alone, hating the feeling of being lost. however, that changed quickly.

you wandered aimlessly in the night, losing the trace of your parental figure when you had decided to follow a sound in the night (which resulted in being an ordinary bird). you couldn't lie, you were scared.

when you had finally got out of the alleys, you found yourself following a path that lead you to the park. there were a few young voices like yours. there were four voices from what you could make out-- energetic, mellow, shy, and soft. when you looked up, you didn't just see the four kids up on the jungle gym, but you also saw a shower of stars.

the luminous blanket that encased the moonlight, along with the smiles and the awe of those four kids...you couldn't help but be glad you became lost. that memory became a fresh moment you could live over and over. it was unforgettable.

you never knew it then, but those four kids would become your friends.

out of those four kids, ichika, saki, honami, and shiho, you were close with the first girl. in which you had to admit, she had the most harmonious voice you ever heard in your life. whenever the five of you got together, it would always become a small band session.

thinking back now, you can't help but feel nostalgia overcome you. has it really been that long?

everything had gone downhill in middle school when saki abruptly left due to her health conditions. but now, the once-childhood friends were now in high school. time was nobody's friend.

"...y/n, could you help me with this really quick? sorry to bother you." someone politely asked, interrupting your daydream. it was mafuyu, a senior of yours.

"oh! yeah, i can help you." and that was how the usual day started. helping people, attending class, eating lunch alone, and going home. always.

saki was back at school. to be honest, you didn't react much about it, but still cared. just maybe, you had a small thought that the band might be getting back together. but...

"i promised to eat with my friends...sorry."

"my next class is in another room, so i'm going now."

the same old excuses that were used earlier in the school year. isn't that funny?

"many things have become different..." ichika sighed.

"i guess...since we're in high school, there's things everyone wants to do." saki was still optimistic as usual. you didn't understand how she was.

because you gave up a long time ago. however, you weren't going to opt out of this all just yet.

crazy things happened the last three days. you guys got to meet miku and luka in a SEKAI; which you still couldn't comprehend. you also got to experience a once-in-a-lifetime memory, which was seeing your childhood friends perform that one song you composed years back.

shiho had improved significantly, likely because she was the only one that practiced and remained a bassist. honami and saki was still as good as they were before, but ichika...you couldn't even describe it.

she still had the same soft yet dynamic voice from before. she didn't touch her guitar in a while, but she was still in shape. seeing them perform all together really unlocked a core memory in you.

"still here, y/n?" luka interrupted your thoughts, taking a seat next to you on the classroom floor of the SEKAI.

"i'm just...reminiscing." you turned your head away, unwiling to meet luka's gaze.

"is that so?" luka smiled and put a hand on your shoulder. "you know, you and ichika have the strongest feelings about everybody. not even saki, who is the most energetic."

you glanced at luka, shocked. you? and ichika? but... "how? i decided to stop my wishful thinking a long time ago."

"well, your heart and feelings must be thinking the opposite." luka chuckled and pat your shoulder. "i have a hunch that you really love everyone. you often think about them, don't you?"

you didn't admit it then, but luka was right. your denied wishful thinking was still accepted into your mind.

"so wait; you're telling me that you and saki formed a band, got shiho to join after practicing in the SEKAI, and now you're trying to recruit honami in?"

ichika gave a sheepish smile, confirming your words.

"wow, that's..." you put your hands on ichika's shoulders, with a close-eyed smile. "that's amazing! you've always wanted this, right?"

ichika blushed, shying away from you. "yeah...that's why i wanted to ask you if you wanted to join too."

you removed your hands from ichika's shoulders, staring blankly into her gaze.

"...what?"

"please, join our band. we're going to take it seriously." ichika's black hair became lightly tousled in the spring wind, her eyes determined. "i remember vividly, when we were younger, you composed the song and i wrote the lyrics. the songs we made together...i still remember all of them. so that's why, you have to join!"

i guess that was the day you were bound with her fate.

after saki's decision of leaving honami alone, you lingered in the sekai with miku next to you, humming a tune while lightly strumming the guitar. you were deadset focused on creating a new composition for everyone to play. together.

"miku, do you think they'd remember all those minutes we spent?" you looked down at the blank paper, unable to create ideas for the song.

"hmm? of course they would." miku stopped her singing, focusing her attention on you.

"no, they obviously don't." you crumbled up the paper, squeezing it tightly. "i feel like i'm the only one that holds onto the past. i think too much about it. they've forgotten about it, so i should let go too."

"mm...i don't think so." miku objected, setting aside her guitar. "if you remember your past through happy memories, then that means your memories must be precious to you, right? so, why try to forget them?"

"...right."

just watching them made you remember a lot of things they did when they were younger. those memories made you feel emotional, for sure. you couldn't help but shed a few tears that day and realize how important they are to you. especially her.

the next day, after school, shiho and ichika coincidentally met up in the street.

"i talked to honami. i think i said hurtful words rather than what i wanted to say. it's a nightmare."

"but, i think that's what's amazing about you."

"what? that i act without thinking?"

"no, once you make up your mind, you take action without being shaken up. that's...amazing. because, i was never able to do that."

"what are you saying? whenever there was a fight, you and y/n would play as mediator. sometimes, you didn't even know what was going on." shiho helplessly smiled at the vivid memory. "speaking of y/n, they'd always encourage us after whatever we fought about. saying stupid things like 'shiho, if you play with us one more time, i'll give you the last slice of the apple pie' or 'saki, let's practice this part one more time and we'll impress shiho'...." the reminiscing girl took a big sigh. "i guess i miss those times too."

ichika suddenly had a feeling of uneasiness in her heart. "i have to wonder, what happened to y/n during those two years we were distanced?"

shiho raised her eyebrows, nodding slowly to ichika's words. "...i never thought of that."

"what happened to y/n in those two years?" was all ichika could think about.

"you found your true feeling?"

"yeah...according to miku."

it was after school hours the next day. you and ichika decided to take the time to chat at your house. it was basically a small hangout in your room.

"i felt like i wanted to help with whatever was going on. you, saki and shiho both made efforts to recruit honami back, but i haven't done anything yet. so that's why..." ichika fiddled with her fingers nervously before meeting back with your gaze. "i have a plan to get honami join."

"hmmm, i understand." you reply with a curve of your lips. ichika's expression, however, told more truth than her words. "i'm happy for you, but there's something more than that on your mind.

ichika perked up with shock, then takes a sigh at your words. "it's you, admittedly." the black-haired girl moved closer to you on your bed, putting a hand on your back. "y/n, what happened during those two years when we weren't...as close as we usually were?"

"...eh? ichika, what are you talking about!" you tried to laugh it off, waving your hand back and forth dismissively. "it was a boring 2 years spent without you guys."

ichika obviously didn't believe it. she didn't want to push it, however. "if that's what you say..." ichika removed her hand from your back, and instead reached in for a nervous hug. she put her hand on your head, pushing it gently to her shoulder. "if your not comfortable enough to tell me yet, that's okay. but i want you to know that i've always been here. all those days you might've spent alone-- i'll make it up to you! i'll cheer you on, just like you did for me when we were younger!"

you felt your eyes water at her unwavering resolve for you. you can't tell what made you cry. her entire spiel about what happened those 2 years, or the last few words of it.

you, shiho, and saki were rushing to the rooftop together where honami and ichika was-- reported by miku and luka.

"i'm sorry! i hurt all of you guys by running away, by choosing the path that injured me least..." honami cried, wiping away her tears.

saki shook her head, frowning at the unneeded apology. "no, i'm sorry for not being there during your hard times."

"and i'm sorry that i left you alone for so long, even though i noticed."

"you're all too nice, even though i kept hurting your feelings..."

"of course we'd be nice. we care about you."

when they were busy apologizing back and forth, you stayed to the side with miku and luka, looking at the stars. those oh-so-familiar stars that looked at you the same way back then.

"do you like the way the sky looks, y/n?" luka asked, curious to why you were so invested in the night view.

"they're the same stars that we saw that night." you whispered, raising your hand as if to touch the glowing jewels in the void. "i miss that night. so, so much."

while in your trance, you take a not-so-quick glance at the four girls. they were all hugging and crying. it was a pitiful sight, yet a heartwarming moment. that's how time moves with a tick and a tock.

unknowingly, a tear slipped out of your own eye. yet, you felt your lips curve, and put your hand on your silently beating heart.

"see you tomorrow everyone!"

after watching shiho, saki, and honami go their respective ways, you were planning to leave too. however, a grasp on your wrist stopped you.

"wait! y/n, can we talk? i know it's late and we have school tomorrow..." ichika looks down at the pavement with a red blush on her cheeks.

"huh? oh uh-- yeah. sure." surprised with the turn of events, you wonder what ichika has to say to you so suddenly at this hour.

"i wanted to say thank you...for everything." ichika paused for a moment before continuing. "miku told me that you remember a lot of things from our childhood. i know you might've felt like the only one that remember everything but..."

ichika held both of your hands together, holding them tightly. in a matter of seconds, her words came out in a soft yet loud tone. "there's countless memories of everyone together, or just us alone too. i remember it all too." ichika smiled fondly at you, laughing. "if they don't remember certain parts of our childhood, so be it. that's fine. for me, as long as i remember all of us smiling, i'm happy with that. i guess what i'm trying to say is..."

"my feelings and i say thank you." ichika chuckled, finishing her ramble.

"ichika..." you were at a loss of words. "for me, as long as you're happy is enough for me. because, i'll love you forevermore."

ichika smiles shyly, gently enveloping you in a hug. "...me too."

-

may happiness and the things so dear

stay with you, forever.

[letsrilakkusu-blog]

An ode to Given

A few days ago the internet collectively freaked out - myself included - when it was announced that the next chapter of Given would be the final chapter, ending its 10-year run. I'm honestly still in shock and while I'm trying to stay optimistic that maybe the big announcement that's coming with the final chapter will involve some kind of sequel, a second season of the anime seems more likely. It's difficult coming to terms with the fact that I may have to say goodbye to a series that I love so much, and with an ending that I most likely will not find satisfying. Regardless, Given has taken up a huge space in my heart for the past two years and I just wanted to write about how I found it, my experience with it, and what it means to me.

I've enjoyed manga and anime ever since I was in middle school, but toward the end of college I got too busy to keep up. Fast forward to years later in 2020, I was stuck at home during the pandemic and decided to dive back in. After rewatching a BL anime that I really liked in high school, Given came up as a suggested series. A quick Google search told me that it was a great romance story between boys in a band, cool.

The first episode starts with Mafuyu's melancholy monologue about the dream he keeps on having and I see right off the bat that I've signed up for a bit more than a cute love story with music. Then the opening song Kizuato hits and I'm totally captivated. It's probably one of my favorite opening sequences and truly captures the feel of the series with its hard-hitting instrumentals, Cenmilli's emotional vocals, and the moody art.

The series pace is on the slower side but there was enough drama and intrigue to keep pulling me in, and it's full of comedic gold. And then... episode 9, A Winter Story. It shook me to my core, everything about it was absolutely amazing. Ue's talk with Mafuyu before the show where he admits that even he doesn't know what he is doing or how to express himself, all he knows is that he loves Mafuyu's sound. The song itself, interspersed with flashbacks of Mafuyu and Yuki's relationship and Mafuyu's monologue (his "I'm lonely" is truly devastating, major props to Yano Shogo). THE KISS. A genuine surprise, so quick and so gentle from inexperienced Ue. I had to watch the episode twice because it left me in complete awe and I needed to experience it again. Then episodes 10-11 were the perfect wind-down with a lot of cute and legendary moments, aka Ue experiencing increasing levels of gay panic. The series became an instant favorite and I rewatched it immediately. I can't find the words to properly express what it did to me but it just made me feel so many things, things I don't think I've felt for a long time. I couldn't shake it.

After that, I was still hungry for more Given so I read the manga, which is a totally different and wonderful experience. The art is beautiful, and the way Kizu-sensei portrays emotions through the characters' facial expressions is unparalleled. Soon after that, the movie came to Crunchyroll, and I've been keeping up with the series in every form since. I read the chapters as they come out bi-monthly. I watched the drama adaptation (not great but not the worst I've seen). I watched the OVA many times (my favorite, all the precious RitsuMafu moments I was missing from the movie). I splurged on a second-hand DVD set of the stage play (really well done). I even watched the anime dub (tolerable), and I hate dubs. Rereading and rewatching the series are routine. Safe to say, it's consumed me for two years and the flame has not died down one bit.

Lots of fans joke about referring to Given as our comfort series when it actually hits on a lot of heavy topics and has eviscerated our emotions on more than one occasion. But it truly is my comfort place. Just as I had finished watching the anime for the first time, I lost a very close friend to illness. This friend was a fellow anime/manga enthusiast and was probably the one who introduced me to the world of BL. Although she didn't watch Given, I like to think that it could have been something we would have enjoyed together if we had the time. And although the circumstances are different, I could relate to Mafuyu prematurely losing an important person in his life. Because the story is equal parts pain and healing, Given kind of provided me with a space where I could dump all of the emotions I was experiencing, whether they were happy or sad. It taught me about loss, grief, and above all, the way music and love can heal the wounds that these things have left behind.

I also have to speak separately about the music of Given, it's just so well done, with so much care and attention to detail. You can tell that Cenmilli worked closely with Kizu-sensei or really dived into the source material when working on the music. Every song created for the series relates very clearly to an event or element of the story. I could write praises upon praises for all of them, but some of my favorites include:

Fuyu no Hanashi, for obvious reasons. Yano Shogo's raw vocals are haunting and the guitar riffs are insanely cool. The way the lyrics change from Mafuyu being stuck and unable to say goodbye in the first chorus, to finally moving forward despite that in the last chorus, show that he's getting the closure he needed.

Kizuato - The lyrics perfectly express the series' tagline "can't say goodbye, I'm still drifting with your echoes." And the pre-chorus is so, so good.

Hetakuso - A simple but insanely sweet song that is definitely Mafuyu's response to Ue's admission that he is bad at expressing himself. I squealed when I saw the lyrics mention "covered by the heat of summer" and "not being afraid of the next winter" in reference to the two of them.

Bokura dake no Shudaika - As I read the lyrics, I can't tell if the song is referencing Akihiko and Ugetsu's relationship or Akihiko and Haruki's (maybe it's both), but I actually like that ambiguity. I also love how it beautifully incorporates the violin as a salute to Aki and Ugetsu.

Uragawa no Sonzai - I know Mafuyu is singing the song but I like to think of it from Ue's perspective. He is aware that there is a side to Mafuyu that he doesn't know, his past, a time when he cried, a person he cried over. But he embraces this "existence on the other side" as a precious part of the person he loves and vows that he will fill up for what the other is lacking, and vice versa. I'm crying.

Now that the series is coming to an end, I don't know what I'll do with myself. If it's truly ending for good, I do have my complaints, but I'll save that for another time. No matter what though, Given is solidified as one of my top anime/manga series of all time, and I'm sure I'll keep revisiting it over the years even after it's finished. It's given me so much - joy (RitsuMafu soft moments are my serotonin), sorrow (Strawberry Swing, anyone?), laughs (too many to count), and some of my favorite music - and for that, I'm incredibly thankful.

[project-sekai-facts]

2nd year event?! I saw the announcement and am now very curious and excited, especially since this is happening before Mafuyu’s coming up. Have the 2nd years ever had an event about them? What are your thoughts about this group? I know you have some because I saw your tags 👀

Below cut

It's SO gonna be a WxS key story like no way out of it. Given that they're both lims that probably means that it's gonna have a lot of screentime for the boys (well, Rui is a given, it's his event), so there's no way they won't bring up the current WxS plot. Honestly making this a Rui event was an amazing idea because it connects so much with his arc with his fear of growing up and having to leave what he has now behind. And by the looks of the card he made new friends!! Which actually makes it all the more gut punching because he's never really had friends and he only gets a whopping one whole in-universe year with them now.

It's also really cool to see that the Miyajo girls are there. I reckon Shizuku (and Airi, but to a much lesser extent) will get like a mini version of STEP by STEP! with Mafuyu. Because think about it, if Shizuku and Airi leave formal education, that makes Mafuyu the only MC Miyajou 3rd year. I think it'll be really neat to see all the second years interact more because they've never been given much of a chance before outside of a few short scenes, and I think Rui and Mafuyu's dynamic in particular is really interesting. I don't know how much they'll interact in this event, if at all, but I'd like to see more there. Rui is very emotionally intelligent - so long as it doesn't apply to himself - and he's also very very observant, so although having him notice where Mafuyu's issues was unexpected, it wasn't necessarily surprising, and I'd like that to be followed up on even if it is arguably more effective as a passing encounter moment.

I'm guessing there'll be a sweet making and tea ceremony part, because those are the event teams and also Airi's favourite food/club so I think that would be a nice laid-back bonding moment from the 2nd years and who knows, if that does happen then maybe they'll ruin the 3 seconds of peace we get from by reminding us that Airi is moving to credit course and won't be doing clubs anymore.

I'm assuming they'll throw in the excuse for the two schools interacting is that they both happened to be on the same school trip at the exact same time.

Also, the event description. I have thoughts.

from @/pjsekai_eng on twitter

I'm guessing the reason Rui has little interest is because 1. aforementioned fear of getting growing up and moving on and doesn't want to face it, and 2. doesn't have many friends at school, let alone any in his class (it's outlined in KAMIKOU FESTIVAL! that he has never particularly been one for school events because everyone would push him away. We've had Cheerfes since then but you get my point). But it looks like maybe his classmates are actually more willing to be friends with him now?

And then the event name

same source as above

Hey look that sounds like a Wonderlands x Showtime inevitable disbandment reference. Atp I'm starting to think the reason I'm so invested in their current arc is because of how much it resembles a Love Live plot (mod makes shameless LL reference #3 billion what else is new?). Enjoying your youth while you can because there's so much fun stuff you can do and you're surrounded by people and it truly is an experience that you won't be able to quite match later on. It's simple but incredibly effective and emotionally driven. Especially since the age high school is in Japan really is like that bridging period between childhood and adulthood. And linking this to Rui and Tsukasa's event cards specifically...

They seem to have tied the folklore theme with a school uniform theme. And I'm going to pick this apart because I'm already 643 words in so why stop now? I feel bad for excluding Shizuku from this but we've never had too much on her school-related past. The most we got was Draw Your Bow In This White World which was only set 1 year pre-canon so not counting it.

Anyway. I've seen several people point out on Twitter that Rui's limited hair is the same hairstyle that he had as a child. That stuck out to me because we know from flashbacks that that was when people started to steer clear of him at school and he lost a lot of friends, and I wonder if that's going to be brought up in the event, especially since it seems that he's going to be making new friends.

In a similar vein, Tsukasa. I'm sure most people noticed that he's basically wearing his middle school uniform except with glasses. Like Rui's lim linking to when he was most lonely, Tsukasa's does as well. It's established in On the stage of dazzling light that he was pretty lonely during middle school because it was when Saki got moved to a hospital out of the prefecture.

I don't know if this was intentional because Shizuku's doesn't visibly follow that theme, but prsk does like some good symbolism and lim sets quite often have one that sticks out from the others for whatever reason. If it wasn't intentional then good on them for somehow doing this. But it does make a lot of sense, y'know? Cherishing the high school memories because the ones before now were a bit shit?

1 2 (heh)

Being frank I don't entirely know how Japanese school trips work but judging by the card it looks like Rui and Tsukasa got put in a group together? I hope their friendship gets some depth and development added to it with this event because they actually have an interesting dynamic underneath the Oddball 1-2 comic relief that has a lot of underutilised potential. Like what I said in those screenshots - Rui wants to know more about the SEKAI, but since it's entirely derived from Tsukasa's psyche, it means he has to get to know Tsukasa better, and they still aren't on much of a more personal level of friendship almost 3 years after that card story. The fact that both of their lims seem to reference the points when they were most lonely... I think that could be a good starting point for them to bond over. Obviously the circumstances were completely different and Rui was driven into depression by it, but what I'm saying is that it's a start.

Also like the very intentional parallels between Rui and Mizuki and their loneliness and their connection with the rooftop Wonderlands x Showtime main story chapter 5 My Footprints, Your Destination chapter 8 Tsukasa and Ena and the personal impact they had on those two respectively something or other and the fact that one side of that parallel has surprisingly little depth to their relationship idk

Oh and this part from the very end of A Canary Sings In A Quagmire. Though they might stall on it for a bit longer since it's a plot thread that was only just introduced. I reckon if it does get brought up it will just be in internal monologue or Rui just mentioning the concept in passing or being vague about it rather than actually addressing it (Emu and Nene aren't here and I think they will probably be around when it gets fully unpacked). If they do decide to face it directly then I wouldn't mind but it seems too soon to me.

Finally, I reckon we might get some more Shizuku and Tsukasa interactions. It's kind of guaranteed to be fair but you never know. Their dynamic isn't hugely deep or anything but it doesn't need to be, like they only know each other because their sisters were friends. Anyway I don't really mind if all they do in the event is talk about their sisters and what they've been up to themselves - it's pretty cute.

I'll be reading the event in my lunch break tomorrow so long as it is on sekai.best by then, so if anyone wants to ask me more about it then feel free. Watch literally none of what I just wrote happen in the event.

If I said that almost all of the 2nd years are in my top 10 would that justify the word vomit?

[kawaiichibiart]

Another AU I wanna work on:

The Secret World of Minori (aka The Secret World of Arrietty AU)

This AU mainly focuses on MMJ as they go by their lives trying to live in a garden close to a cottage belonging to two girls (An and Kohane).

Borrowers, in this AU, hide from humans due to their people being captured and sold as pets and/or toys. One of the Borrowers who's sadly fallen to this fate was Shizuku's childhood friend, Tsukasa. Prior to his kidnapping, another Borrower, Kanade, was taken. Borrowers are told to never go out alone and to stick with at least one other if they go out, especially if they go inside of humans homes. Some Borrowers carry weapons on their person constantly (sewing needles are a popular option).

Borrowers:

Minori

Haruka

Airi

Shizuku & Shiho

Tsukasa & Saki

Toya

Kanade

Nene

Mafuyu

All the VS

Humans:

Emu

Rui

Ena & Akito

Mizuki

Honami

Ichika

An

Kohane

While this AU does focus on MMJ, other characters will show up. Obviously there's Anhane, who are MMJ's "neighbors." In a nearby village, the Shinonomes live and they are in possession of Mafuyu, who was captured not too long after they evacuated their old home. In the same village, in different areas, Honami is taking care of Kanade, and Emu and Rui are taking care of Tsukasa.

MMJ eventually learn that:

• Mafuyu ranaway after her mom dismissed how she felt about Kanade being taken, saying that much like her mother, Kanade just had to sit too close to the carnations, she was as good as dead. She ranaway and got captured. She was sold quickly to the Shinonomes, specifically Shinei who then gifted her to Ena, his eldest child.

Humans are...odd. I don't understand them... They lie and they hurt and they take things away. But... I don't know. I don't understand them. I don't understand her. She always seems so mad, and everyday I expect her to take it out on me, but she doesn't...her brother seems nice, I suppose...

• Kanade was taken 3 years prior to the mass evacuation. This is something they've already known, what they didn't know was that she was bought by an elderly woman and gifted to her granddaughter a few weeks after she was captured. She's been living with the Mochizuki's in their bakery ever since.

Humans are...complex, I suppose is the best way to put it. They hurt and they steal and they kill. I still remember the huma who killed my mother and hurt my father. I remember the nightmares and I still have them, but...humans...can be kind. They can be warm. I think I got lucky. Honami loves me and cares for me. She planted carnations for me. White, like the ones my mother loved...do you think, if she were here, if Mafuyu was here...would she accept that I'm happy here? Humans are odd...but at the very least, Honami feels...warm.

• Tsukasa has had it hardest of the 3. Where Mafuyu is unsure of things and Kanade has found comfort in at least one human, Tsukasa remains untrusting and terrified. Taken shortly after Kanade, Tsukasa has been sold over and over due to no one wanting to keep him. There's always something wrong with him. He's too loud, he moves to much, he's not worth keeping. When he's bought by the Otoris, he was meant to be kept on display, but upon being found by Emu, was stolen by the girl who couldn't stand to see him kept like that. For all the she and her friend, Rui, try, Tsukasa is still untrusting of anything and everything they do.

Humans are...awful. They steal, they lie, and they are nothing but greedy. You're never enough. There's always something wrong. You can't please them. I don't want to think what would have happened if they got Saki or Shiho or Toya... I hate them. I hate humans. I can't let my guard down around them. I know that they're waiting for that to happen. It's happened before. How will they be any different? You should leave before they catch you, too.

They have three different perspectives on what living with humans has been like based on captivity.

Mafuyu is unsure about things, based off of old stories, Ena should have hurt her by now. But she hasn't, all she does is grumble to the Borrower and huff and puff if she ever gives her her opinion. Akito, at the very least, seems pleasant? She's fed and has a place to sleep. But she's treated like she's just...there? She's not sure how to put it, but...maybe, it'll feel nice, someday...

Kanade has accepted things. She knows she's lucked out, Honami has been nothing but kind, doing her best to ensure Kanade feels safe. Honami is understanding of Kanade needing her space when she was first gifted to her. After all, she lost her mother because of humans, it's only natural she be a bit weary.

Tsukasa has absolutely no trust in humans. To him, all they do is lie and steal. The first few times he was sold, he was fooled into thinking the human who bought him cared. Nice food, a decent place to sleep. But then, he was tossed away. Sold from one human to the next, until he was stolen by his last purchaser's daughter. But he's learned his lesson. He can't trust them.

Uncertainty. Acceptance. Untrusting. All things Minori keeps in mind when she's caught by Kohane's snake. She's grateful the human saw her before she became lunch, but everything she's learned is spinning around in her head. She's able to get away, but she is the first to go back in order to see the human girl. She wants to know where she lies. Is she like Ena? A mystery? Or is she like Honami? Kind and warm? Or perhaps she's like Emu and Rui? Not to be trusted?

[zara-anthology]

Kuyamu to Kaite Mirai (Composing the Future)

"The one thing I can’t forget, ah… my future will be full of regret" -Asahina Mafuyu

Kuyamu to Kaite Mirai (悔やむと書いてミライ, Composing the Future) is a commissioned song by mafumafu. It was written for Nightcord at 25:00, a fictional underground music circle that makes songs online at 25:00 (1 AM). The song was written with all four members in mind (Yoisaki Kanade, Asahina Mafuyu, Shinonome Ena and Akiyama Mizuki), but for the sake of simplicity we'll only look at the song from Mafuyu's standpoint. Since the original song is in Japanese, I am using an English cover by aya. Above you will find a lyric video, though you can also read along with the lyrics by clicking "keep reading" below.

The song quite literally describes despair in its rawest form, expressing feelings of hopelessness and a weariness of life. Mafuyu feels as though she's hanging on by a thread, struggling to hold on knowing her life is not worth being saved. Frustrated and exhausted of life, she wants everything to end, to be forgotten, to disappear. The line "I’ve lost sight of what I wanted to be" alludes her identity crisis, as Mafuyu has always acted out of the fear of dissapointing her parents, subjected to their high hopes and standards. She wants to hope for a better tomorrow, but it feels impossible: "‘cause no matter how I try, no flower can grow in a monsoon". The line "this superficial love has nothing to show" describes how people feel the need to act as if they care about you, while in reality they're simply being polite and have no idea what's truly happening under the surface. This pretense of forced kindness holds no meaning, and is nothing more than an empty promise. The bridge reiterates Mafuyu's wish for hope and her desperation to keep living, but deep down she knows it's impossible, having accepted the tragedy that is her life: "that is the life I know, staring at the sky while destined to fall". She wishes she had never been born in the first place. In the final line, Mafuyu calls out into the void, hoping for someone to save her from herself.

Mafuyu is a character from the game Project SEKAI COLORFUL STAGE! feat. Hatsune Miku. I discovered the game through a friend not too long ago, and in hindsight I don't think I could have discovered it at a more opportune moment in my life. When I was first introduced to Mafuyu's story, I was overwhelmed with a profound sadness I couldn't quite put into words. I often have this with fictional characters, but somehow it felt different this time. It took me a while to realize that it's because her feelings, her identity crisis, and her desire to disappear are all identical to what I've been feeling for a very long time. Within Mafuyu I saw a clear reflection of myself, and through her story I was able to find the words to give voice to my own feelings at last. Even though she has succumbed to despair, in some strange backwards sense she was able to give me hope. For this reason, I have chosen her as the face of my anthology.

[lyrics]

if one day you decide to drive the stake into my chest would that be nice? it would be nice. venom laced into your words, intent to lay me down to rest would that be nice? it would be nice.

hanging on by a thread everyday is this a life even worth being saved? toss my heart onto the ashes, watch as it bursts into flames

so end me, forget me, what do i care? there is not a single shred of hope left i’m shaking, i’m breaking beyond repair a coward hidden in the depths of despair i’ve lost sight of what i wanted to be there is no way to be healed with scars that run this deep the one thing i can’t forget, ah… my future will be full of regret

pretending you’re alright when you feel like you’re dead inside is that life? yeah, that’s life. if it’s like that, then what’s the point of living at all? with a heart that keeps beating on by default to this day, the answer is still uncertain

hoping one day that a flower will bloom although there isn’t a sprout in view ‘cause no matter how i try, no flower can grow in a monsoon

that’s why i made the choice to end it, forget it, throw it away as every color in my world becomes gray pretend that you care but you and i know this superficial love has nothing to show so you win, i give in, what can i say? i’m so tired of the empty promises we made the one thing i can’t forget, ah… my future will be full of regret

stumbling in the dark, i keep on trying desperate to be saved, to keep on surviving still, i fear there’s nothing left here for me locked inside a cage, the key thrown just out of reach that is the life i know staring at the sky while destined to fall ah… maybe it would be better if i was never even born at all!

so end me, forget me, what do i care? there is not a single shred of hope left i’m shaking, i’m breaking beyond repair a coward hidden in the depths of despair i’ve lost sight of what i wanted to be there is no way to be healed with scars that run this deep the one thing i can’t forget, ah… my future will be full of regret a future written off as regret

when will it end? please make it end there’s no future left to defend these regrets are haunting my dreams someone, please save me…