#it feels like a really really weird version of ‘oh you don’t look gay’

[steve-brules-rules]

Real talk, am I the only one who thinks it’s really fuckin weird when ppl assume KI is either actively homophobic, or just ambivalent, purely cause they’re based in Texas?? Did u previously think gay/ally Texans didn’t exist? Do u not realize that the city of Austin is one of the gayest cities in the country? Have u looked at how many of KI’s employees are lgbt?? 😭 all the posts that are like ‘wow I didn’t expect KI to be so cool when they’re from Texas’ just skeeve me idk lolol

[mayahawkesfirstwife]

To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before (Part 2)

This series is based off of the movie “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” but like the gay Stranger Things version. If you haven’t seen it you should go watch, it’s so good! This is more of a modern day, so they have cell phones and social media! I hope y’all enjoy.

Parts: Part 1, Part 2

Pairings: Robin Buckley x Fem! Reader

Summary: Y/n writes secret, soul-baring letters to her five crushes, but never meant to send them. Now they are out and wreaking havoc on your life.

Italics are Y/n’s thoughts

Y/N’S POV:

I walked over to where I seen Nancy sitting by herself on the bleachers, headphones on, probably sad about Johnathan.

“Hey, this seat taken?” I ask, pointing at the seat beside her.

“No, you can sit…” She smiles.

I sat down and smile awkwardly, she looks over at me.

“I gotta ask, did he tell you he was gonna do it? I mean you’re his sister…”

“No, he didn’t tell me about this…” I said, looking down at my lap.

“We’re still cool, though, right?” She asks with a hopeful smile.

“Yes, of course, we’re cool…” I smiled, scooting a little closer. “Cool.”

“Do you want some?” I ask, offering some of my chips.

I smile as she puts her hand out and I give her a few and eat some myself.

She offers her other headphone to me and we share them, sitting closer.

I know what you’re thinking.

But we really were cool.

However I felt about Nancy…I could never do that to Johnathan.

The same day, I was in the car with Will, he put his seatbelt on and started tugging it to make sure it worked.

I tilt my head, “Really?” I ask, he shrugs.

I sigh, starting to pull out of the school driveway and felt something hit the back of the car. “Woah, ow!”

My eyes widen and I look in the mirror and seen Robin look down to see who just almost run her over.

Will started laughing as he looked through the window as Robin walked around.

“Oh god…” I said, shutting my eyes as I shook my head.

She knocks on the car window and I sigh, rolling it down.

“Hi.” She says.

I glance at her, “Hi…”

“How you doing?” She asks, I avoid eye contact. “Good.”

“Yeah?” She chuckles, I nod.

“You know, people usually check behind them before they reverse. You know? To avoid killing others, it’s a thing they do.” She says and I hum.

“Yeah, i’m just not completely comfortable with using my mirrors yet, so…” I try to explain as Robin smirks.

“Yeah, clearly.” She says and looks around, “Uh, do you think you can make it out the parking lot, or…?”

“Yeah, we’re fine…really.”

“Sure, whatever you say, Byers.” She nods a couple of times, “Hey, you’re in charge.” She points at Will and he laughs.

She walks away and I roll my window up and put my head on the wheel slowly.

“Who was that?” Will asks.

“That was Robin Buckley.”

I laid on the couch with Will, watching That 70’s Show with him. “What do you think Johnathans doing tonight?” I asked.

“Crack.”

“Will!” I hit his leg and he chuckles, looking up from the TV.

“Kidding, of course.” He says, and I sigh. “It’s weird not having him here…”

“It’s weird not having Nancy here, either.”

“Y/n…if you had a girlfriend, then maybe you wouldn’t have to drive at all, because she’d take us places.” He said as he sat up all the way.

“If that’s what it takes, I think you’re stuck with me.” I chuckled, he comes to sit closer to me.

“I dunno, what about the girl you almost killed the other day?” He asks and I look down at my lap.

“She’s dating Vickie.”

“So?” He says and I look up at him, confused. “It’s not just that…don’t you find it kinda depressing that it’s Saturday night, and you’re watching That 70’s Show for the millionth time with your brother?”

“No. I love this show and I love hanging out with you.” I said, eating some popcorn.

“Okay, I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, but, Y/n…I cancelled plans to be here tonight. I don’t think you had anything going on though?” He says.

I look up, my jaw dropped slightly. “That’s harsh, Will.”

He shrugs, “The truth hurts, Y/n…”

“What’d you do last night?” Chrissy pants as we were doing laps outside for our gym class.

“I finished another book, it was so good.” I said as we jog past Robin looked confused.

“Oh, yeah?” Chrissy giggles.

“Hey! Can I talk to you?” Robin asks as she jogs up to us.

“Um, me?” I ask, confused as I point at myself.

“Yeah.” She said and Chrissy pants, “Hey, Rob! I heard Vickie dumped you for a college student, that true?” She asks and I hold back laughter.

“Uh, I heard you’re a lesbian, is that true?”

“Robin!” I slap her shoulder and Chrissy giggles, “Sure am! I love boobs! Especially Y/n’s!”

“She’s kidding, she’s with Jason.” I roll my eyes.

“Well, I need to talk to Y/n, alone.” Robin says and Chrissy walks inside.

“I’m going to the nurses office!” She pants.

“Listen, I just wanted to say I appreciate it, but it’s never going to happen.” Robin says as soon as Chrissy is far enough to not hear.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked, even more confused.

“Okay, from what I remember that kiss was hot, you know, for being in seventh grade, and I think it’s really cool you think I have golden specks in…in my eyes.” She says.

My eyebrows scrunch up as I look down at the letter she held in her hands.

The letter I wrote, the one I never sent out!

“It’s just, Vickie and I are in a really weird place right now…”

I could barely hear her voice as I suddenly felt dizzy and everything was spinning. Oh, no.

“I don’t know what you hoped to…woah!” She gasps as I fell onto the ground.

She kneels down beside me, “Hey, Y/n! Y/n.” She waved her hand in my face.

My eyes start to open and I seen Robin above me, “Are you alright?” She asks.

I look around, “What happened?” I asked, hoping what happened was not real.

“You fainted.” She said, with an awkward smile.

“Oh…okay.” I said, shutting my eyes and she quickly helped me up.

I sat up, “Do you want me to call someone? Should I get you some water? Or…”

I look behind her and spot Nancy walking our direction, letter in hand.

“Oh, my god.” I gasp, Nancy gets closer and I look at Robin. “Oh, my god!”

I grab her face and kiss her quickly, her eyes widen and she taken aback as her back touches the ground and she puts her hands up.

“Hey! Stop that!” My gym teacher shouts, “Two more laps for you, Byers!”

I sat up, pulling back from Robin. “Um…thank you.” I said, running off.

I ran past Nancy who watches me run past, Robin also stared at me.

“Y/n!” Nancy calls out but I quickly went inside the girl’s bathroom and hid in a stall.

I grab the stall door and sigh.

This cannot be happening.

I hear a door open and close, “Hey, Y/n, you in there?” I heard a voice call out.

“No.” I said quickly.

I see their hand slip the letter under the stall, Tina’s letter.

“I didn’t mean to barge in on you. I saw you run in here and I wanted to make sure you were okay. And uh…” She says as I pick up the letter from the floor.

“Thought you might want that back, it’s seems a little personal.”

“Tina, know that I wrote this years ago.” I said, holding tightly onto the letter.

“Freshman Homecoming, right?” She asks and I open the stall door and step out.

“I had a lot of fun that night, too. But you know that i’m straight, right?”

I did not.

“Yes, of course! Yeah, duh!” I giggle, playing it off.

It’s not like we did anything, we just ended up sitting together at Homecoming and we talked and danced and had a good time.

I thought it was quite nice, special. I didn’t know she was straight. She didn’t give that vibe.

“Hey, sweetie!” My mom says as I ran past them to my room.

I looked in my closet and seen the box of my letters weren’t in their usually spot.

“Have you seen a blue, sorta teal box? It has fabric on top of it, it’s round and there’s a bow on top of it!”

“Woah, slow down sweetie. I haven’t seen any blue box.”

“Are you sure? Johnathan gave it to me, it’s very important!” I said, frustrated.

“I don’t know, sweetheart. Maybe it went out with the Goodwill boxes.” She said and my jaw drops.

“The Goodwill boxes?”

The letters are out.

They’re out. There’s nothing I can do about it.

I stood up and looked out the window with a sigh, Will walks into my room, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” I chuckle, leaning on the window as I hear the front door open.

“Y/n! Nancy’s here to talk to you!” Our mom shouts and I groan.

“You never saw me.” I said, opening the window and slipping out the window.

I grabbed my bike and biked to my favorite nearby cafe.

[shy-sapphic-ace]

Soooo here is (maybe) a first draft of the newest song I’ve written for my Robin Hood mechanisms album (yeah I’m still working on that I promise)— “My Lord”, the Prince and the Sheriff’s gay little villain song. I’m not really sure what kind of vibe I was going for, but basically the sheriff is completely devoted to the Prince, who seemingly only has eyes for Robin Hood (and her destruction). You know that one tumblr post about lord/knight ship dynamics that goes like “what if I said ‘my lord’ but I meant ‘my love’?” Yeah, that’s how the Sheriff feels about the Prince.

[PRINCE]

I want those thieves gone

And Hood’s head on a platter

If I could quiet their song

No resistance would matter

[SHERIFF]

Surely, my lord, none could take you down

Those thieves are of no import

For as long as you wear the crown

Your authority will never fall short

[PRINCE]

I speak not out of fear

[SHERIFF]

I would never imply—

[PRINCE]

Be quiet, my dear

[SHERIFF]

Oh, I swear that I’ll try

[PRINCE]

If you bring me Hood’s head

[SHERIFF]

I would tear down the skies for you

[PRINCE]

We might finally be wed

[SHERIFF]

I’ve devoted my life to you

[PRINCE]

Doesn’t it sound lovely, my dear?

You could end her if you really tried

Then you and me, forever ruling here

You know you only belong at my side

[SHERIFF]

My lord, if you will it, it shall be

And for you, I will end her

I am glad you would choose me

And that we could be together

[PRINCE]

If you bring me Hood’s head

[SHERIFF]

I would tear down the skies for you

[PRINCE]

We might finally be wed

[SHERIFF]

I’ve devoted my life to you

[PRINCE]

Now bring me her head

[SHERIFF]

For years I’ve warmed your bed

[PRINCE]

Oh, I must have her dead

[SHERIFF]

If only you’d look at me instead

[PRINCE]

There’s so much to do

[SHERIFF]

Don’t you know no one can love you?

[PRINCE]

And if you cannot do it, then who?

[SHERIFF]

No one can love you like I do

(music… possibly dialogue here but I might remove it for the final version->)

THE PRINCE: Oh, Phillip, what am I to do with you?

THE SHERIFF: Whatever you so wish, my lord.

THE PRINCE: Dance with me.

(music continues for a bit. then the song ends. idk this one feels kind of weird compared to the others…?)

[adultswim2021]

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job #48: “Handsome” | April 19, 2010 - 12:30AM | S05E08

Morning Meditations bookends this weird episode of this weird show. In it, a strange man removes some of his clothes and then does animal stuff. They cut back to it at the very end for some reason. Very weird choice to call back the worst recurring sketch ya got. Great Job. 

This one also has a trippy drug-using theme to it; at least in the opening theme and closing credits. The normal visuals are augmented to include a trippy pulsating rainbow filter and extra imagery of weed and peace signs and buzzwords like TRANCE, WTF, etc. That is because this is the episode that aired right before April 20th, or “Smoking Some Weed Day”. It’s a fun idea, but they don’t go as all out as one would hope. I can imagine a higher effort version of this existing and it makes me a LITTLE SAD. 

I remember liking this one, but it’s a fairly mixed bag. Some of it works for me, which is all you can ask for in a sketch comedy program. Among the duds is a bunch of dads singing “It’s a perfect dad day”. This one’s pretty typical Tim & Eric style humor, all being about dads and whatnot. This one isn’t too good. Certain jokes, like putting gay guy pornography in one of the dads’ hands, seems like low-hanging fruit. Unless that dad was like “Tim, Eric, as a gay man I please request you represent my preferences accurately”. If that's the case, then they were being nice. Also the dads they got for this are dog shit. You got four freaking dads in this thing and you couldn't even ask MY dad to be in it??

The main standalone sketch in this is the Cinco Facetime Party Snoozer, a mask (and stand-up brace) that gives one the impression that you are awake and attentive during a social function, when really you're secretly asleep. It also has Bob Odenkirk soundbites saying affirmative phrases. This one’s pretty good, and pretty memorable. I don’t know if it’s as good as other Cinco products, though. It’s still the sketch of the episode. I promise I’m not being icy about this one just because I was once roasted by a group of friends for mistaking the actor in this for being my friend from school.

Okay, so this one actually is mostly focused on Tim & Eric’s petty battle over who is the more handsome man, and is fairly substantial. Tim & Eric do their detached acting style here for the most part, but it’s a far less grating example than some other episodes this season. This one has some memorable moments, like when Tim and Eric each play a campaign video of sorts to a panel of judges (including the much-missed Richard Dunn). Eric’s video is him dressed like Brett Gelman going “OH YEAH” while strange-looking women with huge, presumably fake, boobs appear around him. The imagery in this one makes me laugh. A little!

Tim’s video is shot like a Playboy Playmate video profile, and makes fun use of Tim’s disgusting body. Tim really goes for it, and this is a fairly fearless performance. I respect it! I remember laughing at this one more the first time I saw it way back when. It had diminishing returns this time, but I still liked this bit.

The end is that the panel of judges are deadlocked, and Richard Dunn demands that the boys give him a french kiss to determine the winner. “Come and french me, boys” says Dunn, while waggling his tongue around. It’s sorta shocking to see him be so outwardly gross, since Dunn’s whole appeal was just being slightly befuddled. Again, this is a moment I remember laughing at the first time around and it did a little less for me this time. I suppose I simply don’t feel too strong about it either way, and can see the argument for this being a little tasteless. And what's worse is that you don't actually get to see them kiss.

Dunn looks MUCH older in this appearance than he ever has before, which is basically just how aging works. But, Dunn’s lack of participation might be from the realization that he probably needed his rest.

Before the season started, my friends and I called him on Skype, half expecting him to not pick up. He did, just as my friend was saying something about him being old. Dunn gladly picked up and greeted us, causing my one friend to run away from his microphone. Me and another friend just chatted him up. We admitted that we didn’t think he was going to pick up, and gave him some nice compliments and sent him on his way. He seemed jazzed to have fans. He mentioned that he’d be in this season, and it looks like in retrospect this was mostly it. Maybe we should’ve gotten a content warning. 

Again, this isn’t the last we see of Dunn, but since I burned my one-and-Dunn anecdote about the man, I’ll link to this, his tribute from the season 5 DVD, which is mostly clips: 

MAIL BAG

From breadharrity

My biggest memory of this episode is showing this to some girl in college trying to impress her because i guess she had "stoner vibes" (i remember it was this one because of the 420 friendly intro) but was in sober housing. She later showed me The Last Unicorn which was pretty cool and also 420 friendly.

Let this be a lesson to the weed smokers: Tim & Eric rocks and so does Unicorn: The Movie, and both will get you laid

[absolutefilthimsosorry]

🌈😮 and 🤣

-kat-aa

🌈 😮 How did you react to their coming out videos initially?

I’ve never really put this into words so sorry here’s an essay.

I wasn’t actively watching them at the time but I still saw BIG I think the day it dropped or maybe the day after? Not to get too dramatic about it but it was so so soothing and healing. After years of no homo crap and slipping out of the phandom because I was tired of the anti-phan teenagers popping up every time you dared imply dnp weren’t straight it was such a relief. I remember going back and watching some old videos and looking at reactions on tumblr and just feeling this sense of peace

Although I also remember being bemused by the people being like ‘this hits different, how did we not know?’ Because, like Dan said in big, he wasn’t exactly subtle 🙄

Watching through big was an emotional rollercoaster of sorrow at the shit dan had to deal with, understanding as it explained some of his behaviour, respect for his bravery in sharing it, gratitude for the inclusivity, and joy that he finally felt comfortable and confident to come out.

Obviously the phan truther in me was cheering at more than romantic etc too.

I also remember Eugene Lee Yang’s coming out dropping just after and watching reaction vids and stuff for the two. Those few days probably would have brought me back to the phandom if Dan and DAPG had been posting at the time, but as it was it took a few more years.

Honestly I don’t remember having very strong emotions about coty. I remember thinking it would have been funnier if Phil had just dropped the ten second opening the closet door hi I’m gay version after Dan did a long ass video essay but other than that it didn’t really bring new emotions just a sort of closure because it would have felt weird if Phil didn’t say anything.

🤣 What's the funniest dan and/or phil story?

Oh god I have no idea. I’m literally watching a compilation for ideas. Okay, I’m leaning towards Dan’s church puppet show story for Dan, it was so unexpected and so detailed! And the Dog Warden story for Phil because it was hilarious and then someone found proof it was real! But I’m sure there’s others I’m missing.

Thanks for the ask, sorry this is so long 😂

[messervixen]

The Marauders and people as things my Friends and I have said Part 2

Marlene (to James): You can tell all your other guy friends that a bunch of gay girls were putting flowers in your hair.

Alice: Give yourself a beard. Be normal.

Remus: Get in the chair.

Sirius: Cucumbers so sexy.

Pandora: Oh no, my fishbowl!

Alice: And Jesus would say “oh my god”.

Regulus: I’m not gonna let that happen because you’re not that amazing.

Barty: You’re the mentally insane version of your grandma.

Regulus: I am emotionally attached to this ruler.

Barty: I’m bored, let’s fry my goldfish.

Sirius: Don’t say the fuck word.

Mary: If I were a kidnapper, I would totally pick you.

Peter: I need my gummy bears so I can kill people.

Pandora: These poles are actually really good for pole dancing.

Sirius: This guy looks like he would hang out in a dumpster with me.

Marlene: That name is perfect for a gay bottom.

Barty: Broski was originated from the Russian president Taylor Swift.

Sirius: So I’m not like the pope…, I’m god.

James: Please stand up and hit the griddy for demonstration.

Sirius: I am a professional look good-er.

Marlene: Weird question, are you gay?

Regulus: The only animal I have in my house is my brother.

Pandora: Friends are like flowers. If you eat them, they die.

Remus: I want to get run over.

Marlene: He just wiggled like a gay man.

James: It’s not burnt, it’s just ripe.

Regulus: Go die.

Evan: Kids in the backseat cause accidents and accidents in the backseat cause kids.

Lily: Don’t body shame the thick bread.

Sirius: I’m not a British gay, I’m an American straight.

Marlene: Get gayed.

Sirius: My mom just made a very PG-13 word sequence.

Marlene: If you eat your child is that cannibalism or incest?

Lily: I’d be hot as a flower.

Evan: I’m technically not a virgin. In Hawaii a wave shot up my ass.

Regulus: Mommy I want a penis, why is it not growing?

Mary: Your butt is being used for the greater good.

Marlene: Do you think demons suck on toes?

Barty: Regulus is my sugar daddy.

James and Regulus in CR: I would have four kids with that man.

Sirius (About Remus): I would literally let him fuck me with a knife handle.

Dorcas: If there were no babies made then there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

Peter: Did you just call your own dad hot?

Sirius: My friends want me, mother.

Marlene: You can tell he’s gay by the way he looks out that window.

James: Nothing gets kinkier than a knife.

Regulus: Apparently I’m running from the trauma of my past.

Sirius: What you did to me on that table is going to leave some bruises.

Frank: Okay we are not raping a dead body.

Barty: I’ll take it as payment.

Peter: Do you have a knee caressing fetish?

Regulus in CR: Oh my god he has a sexy axe.

[gaybd1]

Chris watches the muppet Christmas carol for the first time

full disclosure I have been imbibing alcohol as I tend to do for these things lol

I know this thing slaps and I actually have no idea how I’ve never seen this, I didn’t grow up in a particularly muppets-appreciating household I guess??

I don’t have the clearest memory of how the story goes aside from major plot points either so this should be fun

oh no someone’s being stolen

god my immediate reaction is we need more of these and we should just make a muppets version of every literature classic

Charles dickens, that guys gonzo right? I swear I know most of their names bc I watched Sesame Street as a kid

Right? All these guys are in Sesame Street?

ooooo the marleys, don’t remember the dead marleys, how intriguing

Ohhhhh it’s a MUSICAL?!?! the SMILE that just came across my face…

I know who plays Scrooge but I do love that we haven’t seen his face yet. Adds to the … worldbuilding? lol. And mystery

omg this is deep I’ve never considered Scrooge a victim of anything

I’m sorry I’m like five minutes into this and losing my mind at how much of a masterpiece this is

Ah face reveal. I’m sorry I’m like a huge Michael Caine stan

Wait what if he killed the marleys like as far as I remember that’s not what happened but WHAT IF HE DID

Okay real question is Scrooge canonically Jewish bc I’ve always had kind of an antisemitic caricature vibe about him which then would actually totally excuse his not celebrating Christmas

These bookkeepers are great

Fred lol

I do get an angry repressed gay vibe from Scrooge maybe he’s be less grumpy if he got a bf

Jacob and Robert Marley were OBVIOUSLY gay married and Scrooge wanted to be their third but never got up the guts to make it happen

Also they probably loved Christmas and so….

Okay I mean I see now that they are muppets and he is not so uh

I also see that they clearly do not love Christmas

What’s with the chains

Oh yeah I remember

Anyway yeah that scene w those guys was creepy

Where’s miss piggy, man ain’t she a muppet

I love the like narrator voyeurism going on

Omg tHIS GHOST IS CREEPY AF

It’s been a few minutes and I still don’t want to look at her

I’ve always been obsessed w how he did all this traveling in his nightie lol

His name is ebenezer so why do his school friends have such top-10 English names like Michael … more evidence for my theory…

Oh there’s a girl … yeah right…

“I love you” “you did once” OOF yeah he must be fully gay now I see the way he’s looking at her

I don’t care about this song at all move on please

And not a fan of old Scrooge singing with her

I’m sorry not to be heterophobic but this song seems to disrupt the whole vibe of the movie anyway

Next ghost is less creepy at least

I like the weird amusement Scrooge has about him

This song is good

The happiness Scrooge is slowly starting to show aww

this Santa Christmas ghost is definitely high off something

Oh yay Kermit cratchit is married to miss piggy. And their kids are so cute

God bless us, every one!

Wtf Santa’s all old now??

Lol remember having to start your life again every morning and dying every night

WTF WHY IS THIS NEXT GHOST SO SCARY TOO I’m starting to realize why my parents didn’t show this to me when I was a kid lol I was such a baby about creepy shit and STILL AM

And WTF IS THIS SPIDER THING idk if I like this movie so much anymore lol

Really love how accurate and faithful this is and it’s FOR KIDS/families

A Christmas Carol is actually about the journey of accepting one’s queer identity. In this essay I will

But it also really does feel like converting that poor Jewish man to Christmas-ianity omg I’ll have to check up on that

That turkey got a FAT ASS DAYUM

Buying the bookkeepers coal like I know they asked for it and it’s useful but it’s actually so funny

Fred’s wife looks 15 years old yikes

Why would Scrooge fuck w bob like that lmaooo

okay yeah that was cute though I’m glad I saw it

[rainbow-frogz]

AHHHH I think im gonna explode. Long rant ahead. (Not really a vent, just ranting)

I was just talking to my mother about my friends birthday party sleepover thing next weekend and she was like who all else is coming and I was like me, (friend), and (friends friend who we were just talking about who is gay) and she was like huh?

And I was like yeah. What’s the problem? And she like when erre you gonna tell me this. And I was like well idk like what’s the deal, i don’t get it. And she whispers, well he’s a boy. And im like ohhhh, yeah, he’s trans. And my moms like really confused. And she’s like, what was he born with.

And like mother, I have only ever spoke of him with he/him pronouns, his preferred masc name, and just said he is trans. He is a transgender boy. So right I tell her what he was born with and my moms like oh thank god. Wait. So he’s “trans” (yes she put it in air quotes) and he’s gay, so he likes men. And im like, yeah? And she’s like, so he’s straight. And me not wanting to get into a conversation about this with my mom again, especially with my dad in the room, just decide to go for looking confused.

And she’s like, do you get it? They (yes she decided to convert to using they/them for the rest of the conversation) were born a girl and like men, so they are straight. And my dad pipes up and is like, haha there’s no need to complicate it. And im just like, yeah sure please dont make me pretend to agree with you again, can we be done.

So this goes on for a little bit longer and she’s like, i dont think you get it. I understand that you guys are just trying to figure yourselves out, but you can be a tomboy, and wear more boyish clothes, and get a masculine haircut, and prefer to be called a more masculine name or a shorter version of your name. That’s okay.

And im just like, yeah im aware mom, but he is a boy. He identifies as a boy, not a masculine girl, so I am going to call him a boy, but y’know whatever, I’ll just nod along complacently.

AND THEN she goes, what are you? And im like ‘panik panik’ and I say “a girl. I am a human being” and she’s just like, okay, well what do you like. And im like haha I get to be smart and I say “no one” and she’s like, well do you like boys or girls (im pretty sure my mom thinks im either bi or a lesbian, but she wont ask straightforward so im pretending not to notice) so I go “neither” and she’s like, well do you just not feel it or not care, and im like huh? What doth thou mean.

And she goes well not feeling it would be not feeling any attraction or sexual tension or any attraction at all to any one and not caring would be that you just dont care if they’re a boy or a girl.

But like, how do I explain that its both?? Cause like, i dont feel any sort of sexual attraction, but I am also omniromantic (technically omni oriented aromantic, but were not gonna get into that) but there is also no way im hell that im coming out rn so I just go “ohh, that makes sense. Yeah I just think i dont feel it at all” which honestly, I’ve come out as ace countless times but i havent actually said im ace, I’ve basically said im the definition of ace but now I’ve basically also told her im aro, which i am, but like, I would still date people, cause im omni and now she would get weird probably if I did date someone.

That was a lot, but I just needed to say it somewhere. Sorry, for wasting your time, if you read this.

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

Aw, Grim, you’re so sweet! But you don’t needa worry about me, I promise! I’m trying to stay positive, catching up on books or shows I can’t get to because I’m usually very busy. It’s silly, I know, but at least it’s better than bein all depressed. I play football and my coach told me I can’t play until it’s healed which really bummed me, especially since we have a game on Thursday. But I’m looking at the positives! So if you have any shows you recommend… 🤲

Okay the how is kind of stupid, but I’ll tell you anyway. I broke my arm playing football, fell right on the goal post and put my arm out to break the fall… yeah. And my wrist, well. I’m very short, like 150cm short, and I weigh nothing, so I climb. Not rock climbing, I mean climbing up my furniture; in this case, the huge bookcase I have, so I can reach the top books. I feel like you can kind of see where this is going. So I climbed it as usual, to get to the book I need, since I stupidly keep all my important books and school stuff at the tippy top. And I tried grabbing the book I needed with my now good arm, the one that I’d just gotten the cast off of, but it fell. It’s a heavy book so I didn’t want it to make a noise and disturb my neighbours so I kind of tried chasing it down with my arm?

It didn’t work and I ended up falling haha. I tried stopping it by landing with my hands out to break the fall but I didn’t want to risk my arm to breaking after it just healed, so I only used one hand. I don’t know how to explain it well, but my hand sort of landed between the floor and the book that fell. Surprisingly, it doesn’t even end there! I also slammed the big ass metal front door of my flat on my hand. Broke my wrist in four places lol.

I haven’t had a chance to listen to your song yet, but I will today! Pinky promise :)

Anyways! Question time, Grim… What’s a hobby you had as a kid? Do you like painting your nails? What’s your preferred method of transportation (e.g.: bus, train, car)? What’s something that made your week/day better? 🎤

ooohhhh you play football??? oh fuck yeah. youre so cool for that. but one thing though...... is it football like british football aka soccer or american football lmfao

i cant believe this story though wowwwwwoooww..... i truly understand your thought process. we do weird stuff like that when we're alone, us humans. you try to save your ass by making a move that ultimately has another part of your body suffering. i get it. i do it all the time. as someone who lives alone, i always have to be extra careful as to how i do things cause if i fuck up, no ones gonna save me lol. glad youre taking this time to just consume sick ass media. nothing better

OK SHOWS I RECOMMEND FUCK there are a lot. take your pick: Shameless (US version fo sho), My Mad Fat Diary, Friday Night Lights (football show that changed my brain chemistry), The Sopranos, Fellow Travelers (gay), It's A Sin (gay), Pose (one of the best shows ive ever watched), Freaks And Geeks (1 season only show), It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (if you just wanna shut your brain off) and uuhhh any cartoon like Bojack Horseman, Simpsons, Rick And Morty is also sick (to me) you can just shut your brain off while watching it. all these shows are mad entertaining

A hobby i had as a kid......damn i had a lot. I would draw compulsively honestly, like anywhere i could. Any piece of paper. I would also play imaginary games with complex scenarios all the time and act out the entire Peter Pan live action movie from 2003 with my friend. i would collect keychains and had this bouncy ball i was obsessed with that i would just bounce off the walls. i went to circus school too so i did a lot of shit on the jungle gym at the park like every day. always tryna impress the other kids lol. nothings changed

i also do paint my nails! always with some sparkly polish though. i dont like to wear dark color polish or anything too matte so its always a combo of different glittersss

my preferred method of transportation is my bike!! but its winter 6 months outta the year here so when i cant take it i like walking the most or the bus. the subway here makes me feel claustrophobic fr. my parents are giving me their car though in the summer so im about to be a gay man that drives aaayyyyyyy

something that made my week better........hm probably dancing with my friends. it was disco night and i had my flask in my pocket so i got to drink for freeeeee. also writing the first two chapters of my rosekiller fic AAANNND getting an ask from you!!!!

okok i feel like i KNOW the game is YOU ask ME questions, but here lemme return the sentiment: what is a dream youve had that you'll always remember?

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 08x15 Man’s Best Friend with Benefits

I hate this episode

“Why do you hate this episode?” I”ll tell you after you watch it

“What the fuck dude” “what the fuck dude” “Well if he actually did kill the bitch, then that’s what he deserves so ya know. He deserves a lot worse than that. I don’t know what I’m saying” “Dude dyes his hair like crazy” “Feel like they could have done a documentary episode about motel rooms” “I’ve never seen the 3 stooges. I used to watch abbot and Costello. Grandparents had it on tape, but I’ve never seen the stooges” I don’t like the stooges

“Someone is picking your fkn door man” laughter

“That was a really weird thing to say” “magnets” “Doing the red white and blue thing again tonight” “do witches wear eyeliner?” I do

“Is that so PeePee?”

“Does the witch pick the familiar or the familiar pick the witch?”

“Eventually, I’m going to have one of those veins around my eye too” “This one time on Instagram..” “Your familiar just ratted you out. Maybe not this guy but the other guy” “doggie boner” “that’s a lot of chains” I like Dean’s hair this season

“It reminds me of the lesbian era hair” “one of the ladies at the club could do a really good Jensen Ackles drag. A little tall and a little lean, but it would work” “That’s how I imagine everyone thought I looked in high school” No you looked like a twink not a lesbian

“From Detroit” “yeah” “How big is this guy’s puss?” “Oh it’s a black puss too” “A void” laughter “some witch bar” “DOn’t give the children watching any bad ideas now” “what the fuck just happened? Every time they bone, they meld minds or something?” “Why is she in the closet?” Cuz she’s gay

“Laughter

“That stupid face” then we rewound to see the face

“She’s just going to leave this dude chained to his bed. What if he needs to piss?” He just pisses himself

“I didn’t understand that entire interaction” “You’re not going to just pick it in 3 seconds you fuck” “What about the rule of no dogs on the seat?” “sounds like a really swell community” “Day-ta” “Data analytics” “He’s gotta piss so bad” laughter

“He’s projecting his ass” “Taking others through his brown eyed journey” “Is it the mind’s eye or the brown’s eye? Or if you think with your butt, it’s a little bit of both” “Who did he throw? It didn’t look like them.” Then we rewound and watched it frame by frame “Stunt doubles” “They both had stunt doubles” “Are familiars 2nd class citizens?” No they’re like spiritual guides for the witches

“That guy isn’t fkn around” “bite his dick off!” “that was pretty cool. Neat effect” “She looks different now” “bullshit” “I thought we’ve been through this” “Is this Dean’s version of double nickel therapy?” uh oh he’s got a little coughy woughy

"I'm so manly that I know what all my problems are. I aint need to see no fkn doctor"

[transkholins]

okay. episode six thoughts.

EGWENE.

look. the only wot book i’ve read in full since 2018-2019 was the eye of the world. when i think of wot i tend to think more of late-series wot. coincidentally, while early-series wot shows you first hand how awful the seanchan are, late-series wot veers hard into apologia/“negotiating and making concessions for the greater good.” i forgot how hard the egwene povs in the great hunt were to get through. this episode reminded me. in graphic detail.

madeleine madden did a fucking fantastic job and i cannot wait to see her in later seasons as egwene grows and develops as a character. her scenes were so tough to watch. she deserves an award.

i do love how the show is portraying the seanchan. all of the suroth and renna scenes were deeply uncomfortable and upsetting, which is really how the seanchan ought to make viewers feel. (right, brandon sanderson? right?). using loial’s treesinging like a party trick. the flowy/frilly da’covale outfits. renna saying “oh, i’m nicer than other sul’dam, i want to be your friend” but trying to break egwene down. ugh.

there’s also something in here about “southern hospitality” and the us’s history of slavery and rj being from the south but it’s too late at night for me to get into that.

also, like, not to be matbrained, but the sheer delicacy/fanciness of the da’covale clothing makes me very afraid for the extended tylin-tuon plotline. i’m sure that if the show does it they’ll do it well (the show has already done a lot of course-correcting), so it’s not that kind of afraid, but more I Know What’s Coming afraid.

every time they mention The Seanchan Empress i get filled with a little bit more dread. god, i hope they handle tuon’s Everything well.

and siuan’s back!! finally!! i’m hoping they don’t sideline her in these last few episodes, because god knows they’ve done her dirty this season.

i really love ishamael and lanfear’s clothing. like, ishamael’s looks have been so faux-corporate, and i’m obsessed with lanfear’s leather and lace-up boots. it really does feel like an extended/future version of modern (first age?) fashion. i like what they’ve done with the age of legends’s aesthetic in general.

knowing which characters turn out to be darkfriends makes literally everything funnier.

if we must have gawyn and galad in the show. i need them to have the same vibes as barthanes. golden boys who are so so so punchable. sycophantic, even.

mat and min friendship truthers, we continue to lose. i’m hopeful that they’ll get to be friends again eventually.

ugh. mat telling rand he’ll come with him because he needs someone to keep him from becoming an arrogant prick. through the lens of wotshow i catch glimpses of hit amol chapter older, more weathered.

if i had a nickel for every time this season they’ve had a shot in a character’s dream or vision of mat lying dead with his left eye cut out, i would have two nickels. which isn’t a lot but it’s kind of weird that it’s happened twice. evil smile.

rand monologuing about how he thought him going away would protect people at mat, who is generally acknowledged as the king of the whole "being away from rand will protect me" line of reasoning. i have to laugh.

“if you love him, stay away” “[mat stays away]” i hate it when the wheel of time on amazon prime makes me feel nostalgic for the period of time where i was super invested in cauthor. like, circa 2018-2019. do you guys remember when there were only two fics and they were both from like 2013. there are now (i just checked) one hundred and sixty-one. it is such a shame i don’t ship them anymore because it’s genuinely kind of fun to have gay subtext in the gay actual-text show.

but also like. a true testament to the power of casting homoerotic besties as two white men. a loss for me (draws them both as men of color).

relatedly, i am so pleased that the top relationship tag for both the books and the show is siuaraine. quite possibly the only time i’ve ever seen a series that isn’t near-exclusively female characters (madoka magica, the locked tomb, etc.) have an f/f ship at the top. and they’re even canon… i cannot wait to see them next week.

what can i say about the wondergirls that has not already been said. i love nynaeve forever and ever. i love elayne being super into ter’angreal. i love that they both love egwene. i love that they bicker with each other. wondergirls 5ever.

also like… nynaeve getting to hang out with a yellow sister a little bit… delightful.

i’ve said this before but i’m trying to put everything in one place. i think ryma and basan’s actress and actor did an excellent job. but it’s really disappointing that the show continues to veer into anti-Blackness and colorism in its casting. it’s a pattern in both seasons and it isn’t good.

anyways. the wheel of time. i don’t think i have anything more to say right now.

[sluttypatrickstar]

chapter thirteen

depression 101 from luck! i will try not to be too much of a dick about this because i know that some people still don’t know that much about depression (like the indifference and numbness) and so many people still parrot that thing about wow i can’t believe you’re depressed you seem so fine!

minor complaint: if luck is on antidepressants how is he having sex with people in fifteen minutes, like he did at the pool a few chapters before? UNREALISTIC. blocked and reported

homophobia/biphobia/transphobia trigger warning ahead

merit proceeds to be... well, kinda everything-phobic to luck here, really. also, thank you to colleen hoover our diversity queen who gave us an incestuous gay guy and a slutty bisexual! beating the allegations! she educates on how labels are bad because she knows soooo much about that

luck makes a valid comment that merit lives in her own version of reality and then off he fucks. merit scoffs and also scoffs that there are still no razors in the bathroom. i thought you WANTED your family to care about you and be sympathetic?

luck prints her off a depression symptoms quiz and she’s like pfft every teenager feels this way as she ticks off literally every box, but as she keeps going she’s like. hmm. oh no. she freaks out, compares it to when you google symptoms like headache and google is like BRAIN TUMOUR, and throws it away and then decides to go feed wolfgang to distract herself.

the family have pizza...

actually the dinner table is no place for your raging ableism, merit!

one, victim blaming bs, but two... is honor actually jealous here that utah forcibly kissed merit and not her? i don’t know how else to read that?

honor and merit break into a full on hair pulling fight at the table and utah arrives out of nowhere and teams up with sagan to cover their mouths and asphyxiate them both into breaking up the fight. absolutely insane method. merit is so cool and collected after literally ripping her sister’s shirt in a fist fight that she sits down and eats pizza and makes a wisecrack and sagan calls her a “badass”. that’s quite weird. i mean, i support throwing water in the face of people who are victim blaming you, it’s just an odd reaction from sagan there.

utah has forcibly called a family meeting. bets are on from me that they’ll fight.

incest and homophobia coming up

utah explains to the family that he was bullied for being gay and he thought that if he just kissed a girl he would be “fixed” or “cured”. so he forcibly kisses his sister. colleen why would you write this. colleen why would you write this why would you write this why would you write this. why would you, a straight woman, write this. please never write a queer character again.

utah apologises and expresses genuine remorse and guilt for what he did to merit. merit accepts the apology, family meeting adjourned. merit and utah have a moment together and cry and hug etc.

sagan says he’ll give merit a tattoo, and he draws the design in secret but she trusts him. she asks him to explain his “your turn, doctor” and sagan proceeds to give her a very very potted history of the arab spring and the syrian refugee crisis. i do not know enough about this crisis to say whether or not his was a good explanation. while i am all for educating people using fiction about things they don’t know a lot about, i feel very hesitant towards this example, because i feel like an actual real life tragedy is being used to make the love interest seem more tortured and tragic and to make merit look more caring and compassionate. giving an exposition dump of the crisis in a book is also a very odd way to do this, but really, i don’t know shit about this, so i shall move along and just make my concerns known here

yeah, i feel uncomfortable right now.

VERY uncomfortable. that colleen hoover, a white author, is using the backdrop of a real life fucking crisis to make the narrator look more compassionate and make this love interest so tragic and oh he needs a hug right now he’s going through so much. someone i’ve been telling about this book says that the “i feel like an asshole” line, and then the entire passage above, feel like something you’d read in a parody of a book like this.

liveblogging the horrors: without merit by colleen hoover (part 5)

(part 4 is here)

chapter eleven

in which merit is still a bitch and even though her family literally saved her last night she’s STILL being horrible about them!!!

oh, you see that last bit at the bottom right where someone comes into the bedroom? it’s her dad, who’s come in to check on her. merit is so fucking woe is me nobody cares about me nobody even came to check on me that she didn’t give anybody time to come and check on her. she automatically assumes the worst of her family every fucking time! and honestly do you really want your incestuous step uncle checking in on you anyway?!

the denial and family hating is in such full force. the second someone in her family actually tries to do anything to help her she just fucking throws it back at them and makes it about how everyone ELSE is in the wrong and fucked up and needs help. she moaned about how nobody cared about her trying to kill herself, but when her dad cares and tries to help, she makes such a fucking fuss about it! for fuck’s sake!

side note, fascinated by how merit is so obsessed with the idea that everyone in her life is ignoring something terrible about themselves instead of doing anything about it, but she is immediately ignoring that she tried to kill herself the night before and doesn’t want to do anything about it. i think you might be the kind of person you hate, merit.

and everyone hates her sooooo bad that sagan takes her and goes and buys the big trophy she was eyeing up at the start of the book which is EIGHTY FIVE DOLLARS, and then he buys her lunch after that. damn i wish someone in MY life would take me out for lunch and spend $85 on something i really wanted!! we find out a bit more about sagan and his hopes and dreams etc. then he takes her to a bookshop and in revenge for the owner trying to make small talk with her merit trauma dumps on her (mentioning luck fucking utah but NOT merit trying to fuck luck, interesting how she doesn’t bring that one up). the owner then does a Weird Old Lady bit and merit is like, that was odd. but i might come back. i like odd

and i roll my eyes

[genshinboys]

Zhongli x Childe - POLYAMOROUS HCS

This is the GN version of my original FEM reader post. I realise not all of you identify with female pronouns so here is your food.

If you do, though, I suggest clicking the link and reading the fem reader instead.

WARNING: NSFW, GAY CONTENT, GN READER / ZHONGLI / CHILDE POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP

„Who are you?”

The box with personal belongings feels heavy in your hands once you not so gracefully stumble into the office of who you presume to be your future co-workers. You were given their names, the number of the room, the exact floor you should be heading to, some details about not getting lost on the way out of the elevator as the corridors here are long and lead to a dozen other rooms and offices, which you most likely not want to become acquainted with on your first day of work. So far, life has taught you to take things one step at a time, and you are infallibly so, a zealous supporter of that claim.

However, to be quite frank, no amount of prior instruction or fair share of warning could prepare you for the disastrously handsome two men currently curiously ogling you from behind their desks.

Were they not informed of your arrival?

The brunet adjusts his glasses by pushing them further up his nose with a long finger. The documents piling right next to his elbow do a very bad job at hiding his perfect-side profile, even though the stack mounts high enough to reach his shoulders. His gaze is measuring and observant. The black rim of his glasses creates a stark contrast to the shimmering depth of gold hues alerted by your presence. Yet, he remains professionally calm, motionless as these ancient marble statues.

The other one - the blue-eyed ginger - jumps to his feet excitably. The said eyes flip through your whole person, devoting more than an acceptable amount of time to inspect your body. He raises his eyebrow. The corner of his mouth moves upwards as well, and he hums approvingly once he stands firm before you. He is tall. Too tall. The jingle jangle of the trinkets in your box intensifies as your clammy hands begin to shake when you attempt to hide from him behind the content of the box.

„I-I’m your new co-editor.”

Your stuttering, treacherous mouth transforms the sentence into a slur of weird sounds.

„Oh-oh?”

The ginger muses in a pleasant hum that thrills you and makes things swirl in your stomach in an odd way.

„That cannot be.”

Yeah, that simply cannot be, as has the blue-eyed walking perfection just retorted. With all due respect, all these years of being a columnist for different newspapers and you still haven’t met a single man that could tick off all the boxes for what you would call a handsome or potentially interesting male. Well, maybe your ex. But, that’s a long story. And now, just like that, you meet not one but two (!) of the most dashing men you have ever seen in your life who are supposed to be your fellow journalists? Bollocks.

You take a wobbly step back to check the number of the room as more distrustful thoughts swarm your brain. Everything seems to be just fine, though? The blue eyes narrow on you when you continue your monkey dance with the overflowing box in your hold.

„Listen, pretty. If you’re yet another lost lamb looking for the model agency - it is the building right across the street. Not this one, alright?”

He makes a ‘shoo away’ gesture with his hands, sighing audibly. The contagious happy vibes radiating from him just moments ago suddenly went out of the window.

„I’m sorry b-b---,”

You interrupt, but he is relentless.

„It’s all fine. I know, I know. Being all pretty like that it’s only fair you didn’t get luckier in the big brains department. Don’t worry. There are roughly a few cuties a week that come knocking at our offices’ doors lost and confused. But hey, at least this time you really are quite irresistible.”

You feel his fingers brazenly sneaking up your shoulders to lead you out.

„Have you just offended me?”

You hold your ground steadily. The man smirks, amused by the resistance on your side. Maybe you’re not that silly after all.

„More like complimented your looks.”

You briefly wonder if slapping the colleague’s face during your first meeting is the right way to hit it off at the new workplace. He grins wider as if he was a psychic reading your thoughts. You shoot him a pointed stare, which does nothing to tame the oozing from him smugness. Fine, then, a slap it is.

„Childe, I beg of you. Don’t demoralize our future..., erm, partner. We won’t be getting another one.”

You’re held back by the other male, admittedly just as handsome albeit seemingly less of a dickhead after the quick yet thorough consideration you have just silently done in your head.

„Easy there, Mr Zhongli. I’m merely checking if they have what it takes to adjust to our line of work.”

Son of a---, you curse the living shit out of him, Childe, or whatever his ridiculously stupid name is.

„Your father will not be happy if they hand in the resignation like the others did.”

The fine brunet melancholically lifts himself from his leather chair, chastising the ginger male with practised accuracy. Uh-huh. The good and bad cop syndrome. You get it now. Not only their beauty contrasts like night and day, but so does their behaviour.

Childe’s smug smile disappears quickly only to be replaced with a frown and pouty lips when the perhaps just slightly older man crosses his arms on the chest, opting to stand in a hairbreadth distance from the two of you. Childe stiffens, eyes roll to the back of his head at being so openly put in place by the disapproving man. There is some argument going on between these two, or more like Mr Zhongli talking to the ginger-head as if he was reasoning with an actual child(e). No pun intended.

In such close quarters, their handsome features appear to be even more surreal. You blink and blink, thinking that maybe if you blink hard enough, they will stop being so picture-perfect, and your eyes will finally spot some flaws. Ha, how naive.

Mr Zhongli is well versed and classy. That much you can tell despite the numbness of your limbs and the increasing fogginess in your awed brain. Even if Mr Zhongli is older than that bratty little shit, it does nothing to take away his godly-like appearance. It roots you to the spot and makes you want to stare at him as if he was a deity. You would be actually ready to bet your monthly wages that the guy was indeed some sort of a god in one of his previous lives.

„Childe, now, take that box from our guest and let’s properly introduce ourselves.”

It’s not even an excessive request, just a regular act of seemliness and well-accepted conduct of behaviour, but Childe scoffs. He’d be oh-so happier if he could tease you a little bit more. Nevertheless, he turns to you, face pretty much still very arrogant despite getting an earful from Mr Zhongli. So vain. How can such a pompous bastard be so attractive? His fingers brush over yours when he assuredly retrieves the box from your shaky hold. With a final wink directed at your flustered self, he spins on his heel to trudge towards the only empty desk in the office.

„Here, doll. Your humble quarters.”

He drops the box on the desk and extends his arm to show you to your new workplace. It is undeniably an upgrade from your previous squeaky chair, and an old scratched, terribly battered with the flow of time computer. It all looks so expensive and modern. You once again question the stroke of luck that has brought you to this place today. Was it the fate making amends to you? Right about the damn time, if you were to be asked.

It certainly wasn’t the nicest of experiences to be cheated on by your fiancé, who also happened to be the chief editor of the scandal-seeking tabloid you were previously writing for. You broke up with him and decided to move on quickly. For some reason, you didn’t struggle much with finding a new job. It still seems a bit fishy - the fact that you were essentially hired after the first meeting with the owner of this weekly newspaper. It’s a renowned and well-established Liyuean periodical, one you were always admiring and would not dare to dream to work for.

Now, that you look at the handsome youth, he does somehow bear resemblance to the man who interviewed you before. There is also something weird about the way he speaks, something distinctively foreign, but also not completely new as you are positive you must have already heard it, possibly while speaking to the owner of this newspaper. You know he is of Sneznayhan origin. Are you going to be working with his son? Looks like it. With him and his ostensibly handsome, but much more sensible sidekick.

„You have to forgive Childe. He tends to get a little bit too..., enthusiastic at times. Especially that the prospect of working with a new, however extremely promising colleague is in fact, thrilling. Even for me.”

Golden pupils riffle through you. A small smile lurks somewhere behind the long and shiny strand of hair that frames his visage, but he keeps it at bay, fishing for your reaction. Promising? What does he exactly mean by that? And why is his presence so strong that you feel like your legs are set in stone, unable to move away from him?

Seeing that he has managed to more or less win you over with his soft-spoken eloquence, he presses on. Both of you choose to remain ignorant to the way Childe has allowed himself to rummage through your belongings. With a clatter, items are being dropped to the desk as the younger male busies himself with unpacking you.

„Excuse that appalling faux pas. It shall not repeat itself. My name is Zhongli. I’m a humble co-writer, a close associate of Childe, whom, I trust, you must have already recognised as the owner’s son. It just so happens we’ve been rather weighed down by the staggering amount of work lately.”

He makes it a point to nod his head at the never-ending pile of documents on his and Childe’s desks.

„With the rise of popularity that we’ve been enjoying, Childe’s father has concluded that we’d need more capable hands to write and edit articles for our beloved newspaper. Hence, your presence here today. It makes me very glad if I may be so bold. I’ve been quite impressed by some of your articles. The choice of words - exquisite. I immediately recommended you as the most adequate candidate for this position.”

The handsome man rambles, and his voice flows smoothly, like honey pours into your heart, occasionally leaving you battling a shiver of excitement when he hits a particularly low tone. You are afraid to breathe, not wanting him to stop the pleasant tirade that has effectively pushed you into a shivering limbo state.

„Who the hell is that?”

Childe groans in a somewhat accusatory manner He has picked up a photo frame, and it dangles in the air when he questions further.

„Don’t tell me it’s your boyfriend?”

He doesn’t try to hide the look of disgust on his face when he gives the photo another glance over with his unimpressed eyes. He shifts his gaze to you, expectant.

„Well, no, no. It’s my ex.”

Childe smirks devilishly, looking rather relieved at the word ex.

You wave your hands in the air, embarrassed. How did the photo end up in the box anyway? It’s not like you packed it there deliberately or knowingly. Whatever. Your eyebrows pinch, and you give out a weak sound of helplessness at the haunting you now events from the previous month.

„So why the hell is he still in the frame, in this box?”

The air is heavy with tension when Childe waits but only a few moments for your answer before he moves to the window and boldly throws the photo out.

„We don’t collect rubbish here, doll.”

Zhongli clears his throat to fill the awkward silence that follows.

„Well, I suppose we could get you a nicer frame, right? It didn’t really seem to match the décor of the office.”

The brunet reasons with the fingertips gripping his chin.

„That would be a nice welcoming gift. How about we take a photo now to commemorate our meeting?”

Zhongli smiles fondly. The sweet fragrance of silk flowers tinged with a heavier musky scent enter your nostrils as the man shimmies closer to you. His eyes gently ask for permission to take your smaller hand in his and lead you to the desk where Childe is wasting no time, phone ready in his hand and the camera settings adjusted.

„Fine.”

You croak out weirdly.

The one step at a time approach does seem to be a bit of a rusty concept now.

The days in the office go by quickly. They become warmer and warmer with the spring sunshine flooding through the large glass windows right onto the surface of your and your new colleagues’ desks. Similarly, these warmer and longer days see about a change in the relationship between you and these two handsome men as it gradually thaws, like the last drifts of snow.

And although the beginnings might have been difficult, Childe does not seem to be half as bad as he made himself out to be on the first meeting. The urge to slap his face is also not as frequent and not nearly as powerful as it used to be. Well, he still has his full-jerk moments, but overall it is all bearable.

ღ He’d bring you coffee, every day by the nature of habit, even though he himself might be not the biggest fan of the bitter taste. He is bound to spruce it up with a little ‘you’re welcome, doll’ before he opens the lid for you and begins to blow on the piping hot beverage to make sure you won’t burn yourself while taking the first rejuvenating sip.

ღ He’ll absolutely not forget about the custom brewed tea from the finest and fanciest blends he could lay his hands on while frequenting the premium tea shops scattered all over Liyue. He’d brew it himself in the tiny kitchen, located not so far away from your shared office. Is it a coincidence? Likely not, as you later discovered - Zhongli is an avid fan of tea, and Childe oftentimes disappears behind the kitchenette doors to quickly prepare one for him when the older man looks rather depleted by the long lines of text.

ღ He might not be the best tea brewer, as the title without a doubt belongs to Mr Zhongli himself, but he will do his best while following the instructions so often mused out loud by the older man. The soft smile on Zhongli’s face when he is handed the deliciously smelling tea made by none other but the proud ginger? A priceless sight to witness, and you’d always end up feeling hot all over your body no matter how many times you’ve seen it.

„Childe, Dear, you’ve outdone yourself this time.”

„You always say the same thing, Zhongli.”

„But I firmly believe it to be true, Childe.”

ღ He also quite quickly picked up on your sweet tooth and has ever since abused that weakness of yours by toting around various types of confectionery in the roomy confines of his briefcase. He’d bribe you with some of them when you turn a little bit sour due to his constant teasing. He can’t help it, though. He finds your reactions sweeter than any candy he’s ever tasted in his life.

„Don’t be angry, Y/N. It was just an innocent joke.”

He whines like a teenage boy. Your cheeks turn red when you realise how borderline lewd he sounds, intentionally or not. It’s quite impressive how his voice can go from dark and menacing to innocent and cute on a whim. It’s like the man has a split-personality, and you never know which of these you will have to take on.

„There is nothing innocent about pinching my buttocks, idiot.”

There comes a choked chuckle from the direction of Zhongli’s desk, but he quickly drowns out the sound by rustling the newsprint.

„I guess when you say it like that, it does sound a little bit..., bad. But, here, how about some candy as an apology? I did buy more of these chocolate coated plums you enjoyed so much.”

He then looks at you with these ocean-blue eyes as the skin around them crinkles adorably.

ღ Childe is a wealthy man. Stinking rich type of wealthy man, too. You would be a liar if you didn’t admit that such a situation doesn’t come with its obvious perks. He drives a pitch-black Bugatti. He drives it with one hand on the steering wheel while the other arm hangs out of the window. Childe always used to drive with Zhongli sitting next to him, but now doesn’t mind at all when you take his usual spot while the charming brunet reads the book on the back seat.

ღ He wears pitch-black sunglasses that match his car and the tight distressed jeans, clinging to his plump ass like a second skin. Not that you were checking him out, or anything. Although, as meaty as his ass looks, Zhongli’s is arguably even rounder. You might have even seen Childe pinching that peachy bum while offering to open the car door for Mr Zhongli. You turned your eyes away. In fact, you always do when the two close associates act in ways that go beyond the dictionary definition of associates term.

„Aren’t you in an exceptionally good mood today, Childe?”

The brunet lures with a husky timbre, disguising the whole scene behind the false pretence of a friendly exchange between colleagues. Two rip-off artists with terrible acting skills, on top of that. The younger man grins wider than the sun.

„How can I not with such good company?”

And then Childe freezes you in place with his eyes shifting their focus to your flustered person as you shrink away from the familiar grin plastered on his face.

„Most lovely company, indeed, Dear. We’ve been blessed by good fortune like never before.”

Mr Zhongli’s acknowledgement is sudden and equal in bluntness to Childe’s blabbering mouth. The rich amber of his irises glimmers in the warm autumnal shades that dis-empower you further as he proceeds to inspect you with rising interest. If you didn’t know him any better, you’d say that there is a tell-tale sign of a small smirk forming on his handsome features, but he swiftly simmers it down.

„May I?”

He walks up to you and offers for you to wrap your arm around his, which you do, albeit it feels as if the move itself took your whole strength away.

„Childe, we should stop for some cooler drink on our way to the office. Y/N seems a bit flushed.”

Childe tilts his head like a cat towards you.

„Poor little thing, must be the hot weather, isn’t it?”

ღ Speaking of habits, you’ve developed quite a few over these couple of months of intense bonding with your fellow article writers. One of such customs are the gym escapades that leave you out of breath, oftentimes not because of the tough exercises, but more like the sight of the ginger flexing his muscles in the barbell bent-over row. His back is broad, thighs wound up so tight they seem harder than a rock. He’s also very likely to drop his t-shirt somewhere on the floor between the sets. Eyes invariably checking up on you, with a ‘they’re here with me’ death glare fixed on any curious male eyes within Childe’s sniffing distance. Childe is on the watch. And what if Mr Zhongli chooses to come along with you? Oh, good manners be damned. The hawk-eye will hunt down every single one of them.

„Hey, watch it.”

Unceremoniously, Childe threatens with a finger pointed at the staring-a-little-bit-too-much guy. Mr Zhongli smirks, content with the younger’s vehemence. He might have even chuckled, but you can’t hear well because of the thumping music coming from the speakers. He beckons Childe over with his commanding look, and needless to say, the ginger would almost trip over his legs with how fast he wants to fulfil the brunet’s wish. This time Mr Zhongli is definitely stifling a laugh before he places his palm on the back of Childe’s neck and pulls him in. Is Childe blushing? The older man stops at Childe’s earlobe, whispering something right into the ginger’s ear and then, suddenly, both of them turn to you?

Woah.

Gallivanting blue pupils pursue you together with the amused amber of Zhongli’s dragon-like eyes. Childe nods in agreement as if he was signing a pact with this mischievous dragon. A signature smirk. Childe struts towards your slightly agitated little body and starts playfully tickling your sides. It tickles so much. Everything in your belly tightens while you attempt not to topple over, still holding your weights.

„Childe stop!”

He doesn’t, of course. The weights promptly disappear from your hands with the sudden arrival of Mr Zhongli. He is careful, protective. He’d never let you get hurt in the process. Especially that he is the mastermind of this shameless attack. Your hands drop to Childe’s, seeking defence, wanting to push his roving hands away. Alas, the man is stronger, giggling and puffing hot air with his face glued to your neck. He swathes your body with his sturdy, bigger one until you feel like there is no room to breathe, and you’re basically pinned together. Wide-eyed, squirming and almost crying from how much your body is twitching under Childe’s prodding fingers, a plea makes it out of your tight chest.

„Mr Zhongli, please help! Please!”

Zhongli sucks in a breath, palpably going through some kind of an internal conflict. The gold in his eyes flares with friskiness you’ve never suspected him of being capable of.

„Help?”

The towering over you brunet queries while your panting and gasps intensify. It’s either he derives pleasure from watching you suffer under Childe’s playful touch, or he is just completely clueless.

„And why should I, my Dearest?”

You make a small noise of confusion before breaking into more helpless cries and whimpers when Zhongli takes your hands in his and forces them together, pressing them close to his chest so that Childe can have better access to your tummy. It’s not the - good, always helpful and caring Mr Zhongli. You feel betrayed. You look up at him with wounded, glossy from laughing eyes, only to find the man staring at you with a misty gaze.

„Forgive me, Little Crumb.”

Zhongli whispers huskily.

Holy shit.

Has he just called you a new pet name?

ღ You cling to the handrail as you climb the slippery steps leading to the floor where your office is situated. The cleaning lady sure is very liberal with the amount of detergents and soap water she uses to rub this vast surface clean.

„Fuck!”

This - and other curses that would turn even the oldest sailor’s ears red - echo in the stairway as the flight from your annoying admirer ensues. He is one of the Sports columnist, and ever since they were transferred to the ground floor, your evasive skills have proven to be insufficient to wiggle your butt out of his advances. He’d always be waiting for you next to the elevator, hands in his pockets, a cocky, absolutely disgusting ‘hello pretty!’ when he fishes you out from the bunch of people at the entrance. It’s gotten so bad that you’ve decided to say goodbye to the lift services, befriending the never-ending flights of stairs.

This time, however, the creep must have seen through your escape route and immediately launched from his desk to chase after you.

Hence, your current predicament. You turn your head back, revolted. The puffing and gasping speed up as the man is essentially nipping at your heels. ‘That’s it’ - you think to yourself when you take an awkward, big lunge forward to counter the last two steps, but sadly, you trip!

Talk about timing.

Waggling your arms in the air, your body free-falls as the surroundings whirr before your eyes wildly, so you squeeze them shut, preparing for the imminent disaster. But, the humiliating tumble doesn’t happen as you land into something much softer than the ground. The silk flowers’ scent blended with musk and wood notes warmly hug your body as two strong arms circle around your waist.

„Mr Zhongli?”

His features soften at your adorable reaction of relief mixed with gratitude, but he holds you close, indulgently digging his fingers into the flesh of your hips. He does it a bit unknowingly, too caught up in the way you look back into his glinting with secret emotions eyes.

„Little Crumb, I told you so many times to be more careful.”

„I’m so sorry, Mr Zhongli.”

„I know you are, Dear.”

He reassures you, hands move up and down your back, and the sensation sinks into the crevices of your senses, making you want to strip for the man and beg him for more. Woah. Hold up. What are you even thinking?

You don’t have time to ponder upon the lewdness of your thoughts as your knight in shining armour stiffens a bit. His dragon eyes pointedly stare at something or rather someone behind your back. The grip on your hip tightens.

„Mr X, it seems to me you must have got lost. Shouldn’t you be working on the ground floor together with other sports columnists?”

Zhongli asks, but clearly isn’t interested in the answer when he straight away ignores the man, scooping you closer to safely lead you to your office.

Needless to say, you’ve never heard of Mr X after that incident.

Having walked into the newspaper office so late at night, you didn’t expect to bump into anybody. You had to come back here for some of the documents. You wanted to have a closer look at them over the weekend. But, one step out of the elevator and you’re left frozen, legs giving out the closer you get to the... scandalous sounds coming from the depths of your office.

Your heart goes berserk, pounding like a drum in your chest in anticipation of what is about to happen; what you’re about to see once you peek into the office.

Moans, gasps? Wait a minute, have you just heard a slap?

On your tippy-toes, you creep to the door that was left slightly ajar. You crane your neck, sneaking a shy little look inside. Cheeks burn so badly, the heat pulses in unison with your galloping heart.

Shit.

Your trembling hand shoots up to your mouth, hysterically fighting the whimper that nearly, oh so nearly flies past your lips. The empty bag for documents rolls off your shoulder and it silently falls to the ground.

In hindsight, it shouldn’t have surprised you so much. Your co-workers; these two hot men half-naked and kissing each other ferociously, their bodies tangled, brushing against each other with dire urgency.

You stare at the bewitching scene in dead-like silence. The crimson cheeks of yours continue prickling with heat, which faster than lightning shoots down your body, nestling low beneath the belly button.

Childe whines pitifully when his head bounces off the wall, but he does not seem to care too much, his hands immediately dragging Zhongli close to his body. The younger one pulls him in for another kiss that is arguably more teeth than a tongue, moaning louder than before when the brunet pins him against the cold brick surface. He holds him patiently, tenaciously so, despite Childe’s writhing hips. He fumbles with the older’s belt, wailing lamentably when he cannot get to Zhongli’s cock right this instant. Abruptly, Zhongli parts their lips with a wet sound.

„Don’t be impatient, Dear. You’ll end up being hurt.”

Childe, as if the man’s words fell on deaf ears, tugs at the fabric, pulls incessantly until finally, finally Zhongli’s cock springs free. He gapes at the man’s length with drool dripping down his chin, which is promptly wiped dry by Zhongli’s thumb swiping tenderly across Childe’s open lips. You swallow hard, suddenly reminded of the saliva gathering in your mouth. Zhongli is massive. Perfectly shaped, a thick, bulging slab of meat. Your thighs feel wet with the juices seeping through your underwear when you squeeze them shut, seeking any kind of friction.

„I swear if you don’t do something, anything I’ll---,”

Childe’s bruised lips turn into an o-shape when Zhongli pumps two fingers in. The ginger moans lewdly, quickly accommodating to the burn of long fingers pushing down his throat. It’s in fact nothing when you compare it to Zhongli’s monstrous hardness.

„You will what, Childe?”

The brunet says lowly, enthralled by the way his lover meticulously coats his fingers with almost religious worship glinting in his ocean-blue eyes.

„Be a good boy, and I shall reward you.”

Childe’s sucking intensifies at that promise. Restless hips piston into Zhongli’s with renewed zeal. Zhongli hums in approval, withdrawing the glistening fingers from the ginger’s eager mouth.

„P-Please, just hurry up, p-please, na-ah!”

Childe begs, having forsaken his pride. His usually suave voice cracks the moment Zhongli reaches for his naked thigh and hooks it over his shoulder upon kneeling before him.

„Undo your buttons. I want to see your chest.”

Your stomach drops to your knees when Childe just rips the shirt, sending the buttons flying all over the office to fulfil Zhongli’s selfish request. With Childe’s underwear being swiftly pushed down to his ankles by Zhongli’s roving hands, both men are now naked right in front of your eyes.

If possible, your body flushes even more. The tension in your belly forms a tight knot that forces you to hesitantly continue rubbing your clothed core with an open palm. It’s not enough, though. No matter how much you press, it keeps tingling inside.

„F-Fuck, Zhongli!”

Childe curses, sobbing pleas are now continuously torn out of his dry throat with Zhongli’s lips tightly wrapped around his throbbing dick. Saliva-coated fingers prod at the ginger’s entrance, making him lift his leg higher to feel the pleasant burn of being worked open by the brunet’s digits. Zhongli - dissatisfied with the shallow thrusts of his fingers into the ginger’s tight hole - reaches for the vial of lube secretly hidden in his trousers’ pocket. The fragrance of silk flowers floats in the air around them as Zhongli covers the younger male with the sticky substance. The lovely scent of Childe’s juices mixed with the sweetness of the flowery lube slowly makes it to your nostrils, and you inhale wantonly. It smells like Mr Zhongli himself with the subtle notes of Childe’s rich essence. It intoxicates you like the best of drugs as heat pools low between your legs.

The fluttery sensation becomes worse with each moan, each profanity slipping past the ginger’s obscene mouth. You feel on fire, ready to combust at any moment. Your strength has left you, and at this point, you’re weekly clinging to a wall on wobbly legs. Blood rushes to your core. It pulses in hot waves, spreading all over your groin. Having little control over your actions, a clammy hand slides to your underwear, down to your swollen sex, where you begin to rub synchronously with Zhongli’s bobbing head. It’s maddening. The tension below your navel makes you absent-mindedly rut into your palm. The other hand is still securely placed on your mouth, preventing you from whimpering too loud.

„Too fast, ah-ngyahh, you’re going to make me cum!”

Childe lets out a cry that unexpectedly pushes you over the edge as your thickened sex begins to throb. Everything turns white, and your limbs go stiff when your orgasm attacks you so violently. Your thighs quake, and breath hitches on and on while you pathetically try to control the flow of air whooshing straight into your hyperventilating lungs.

„No-ah-no, I want to cum with you in me!”

Childe keeps protesting as his greedy palms card through inky locks. His anus burns and the twitching tip of his cock releases cloudy droplets of pre-cum onto the older’s loving tongue. Zhongli doesn’t waste a single drop, swirling his tongue around the delicate tip with learned by heart accuracy. All of the ginger’s sensitive spots are etched in his memory. Childe moves his hips around anxiously. The stimulation from both sides leaves him on the verge of ejaculating all over Zhongli’s perfect mouth. Pulse thunders against his veins, the man keeps chocking on his pathetic moans. And with that one final lewd look from the clouded dragon eyes, Childe yanks the brunet’s long strands to get him off his aching cock.

Holy fuck. He was seconds from bursting because of the way Zhongli looked at him.

Zhongli groans angrily at being so openly defied. He rises to his feet, towering over the younger male.

„J-Just fuck me already, you-you stubborn old ass.”

Childe stutters out in a voice that doesn’t resemble his own anymore.

„I don’t care if it hurts.”

The meek words barely make it out of his throat before the other male lunges at him with a fiery passion. Zhongli is on him. Ravaging mouth litters his neck with bites as Zhongli’s canines pierce the skin. The older grunts in frustration when the shirt is still on his way, not allowing him to mark his lover. He moves lower, finding satisfaction in abusing Childe’s nipple. The ginger shakes as if he was about to fall, ready to get to his knees to beg for any type of release.

„Zhongli!”

He feels himself being lifted from the ground, and a sense of relief washes over him. The brunet angles himself perfectly, and in a precise thrust pushes past the taut rim of Childe’s entrance.

Childe screams.

„Is that to your liking, Dear?”

The ginger hisses out air, legs wrapped around Zhongli’s waist so tightly you could think he wants them to merge into one. Childe doesn’t come up with any bratty response, as of now, he is being drilled by Zhongli’s thick cock so hard he wouldn’t be able to recall his name. His back arched, bodies slide against each other as Zhongli picks up the speed.

Your hips jerk. Thighs shake with effort when you can’t bring yourself to stop touching your twitching hole. You are already two digits deep and it’s not nearly enough to satisfy you. You hear Zhongli cursing Childe’s tight heat, telling him to relax. You breathe in laboriously through your nose, your walls clamp down on the plunging fingers when Childe moans out more of his „yes, please, yes” nonsense. The second orgasm leaves you even more depleted and considerably more teary-eyed as you furiously pump the digits in and out of your clenching core. It’s wet, dripping everywhere, making sloppy sounds as you finger yourself relentlessly. It’s like you are in a daze, unable to shake out of it when they fuck each other so lewdly in front of your eyes.

„Childe, you’re taking me so well. Is that what you wanted, huh? You look so pretty, crying around my cock. Absolutely ethereal.”

Zhongli praises continuously, his hips withdrawing only to slam back into Childe’s fluttering entrance. He fucks him so roughly it makes you feel sorry for the ginger. Will he even be able to walk after that kind of sex? You seriously doubt it.

„C-Cum with me, nyhah---, I can’t hold it back anymore, ahh!”

Childe plunges into such deep pleasure there seems to be no escape. Zhongli’s hips stammer, balancing on the edge after hearing the younger’s desperate plea.

„F-Fuck, Childe, archons above-”

Zhongli moans out, smashing his dick into Childe, fireworks explode in his stomach, and he reaches his breaking point. He rolls his hips into the younger male, panting, grunting low in ecstasy. His long hair drag across his shoulders as he moves quickly, riding out his and Childe’s orgasm as well as he only can. The ginger is blissed out. The sizzling heat in his stomach makes him dig his nails into the jade-pale skin of Zhongli’s back. He sobs when Zhongli squeezes the final milky pearls of cum out of his cock, subsequently collapsing into the brunet’s arms like a rag doll.

Haze descends on you amidst the after-shock of yet another brutal release. It all kept happening so fast, the pleasure so intense and overbearing you don’t think you’ve ever experienced something like this in your life. Your heart keeps hammering like crazy when you realise you have to get out of there before they catch you sneaking up on them. Shaking like a leaf, you somehow make it to the elevator and proceed to press the ground floor button maniacally.

Little do you know that in the heat of the moment you forgot about the bag. It’s right there, on the floor, waiting for Mr Zhongli to stumble upon it when he leaves the office to fetch a glass of water for his thirsty and tired lover.

This is the end of part one. If you’re interested in reading the continuation of the story please make sure to visit my blog :> I’ll be posting the second part soon. Meanwhile, if you feel like screaming at me for this disgusting cliffhanger, go ahead. My askbox is open <3

MASTERLIST!

If you enjoy my writing please leave a comment, reblog, visit my blog and interact with me <3 It means a lot and keeps me motivated!

[shititbe]

Anyway, HSM2 is about internalized homophobia, and no one can tell me otherwise.

High School Musical is one of the most beloved franchises in the world. Teenagers all over the world grew up watching Troy and Gabriella harmonize together. Three movies, and nearly a decade later it’s still beloved by all. The first film easily forgotten in the ashes of the early 2000’s, the third film stuck in a purgatorial limbo of the rather unfortunate late 2000’s. The second film on the other hand sticks out between the ruckus. 

The second High School Musical film takes place at Sharpay and Ryan’s family country club, during the summer between junior and senior year. The Wildcats are working summer jobs on the country club, often forced to the beck and call of Ryan and Sharpay themselves. Sharpay uses all her prestige to help Troy with college instead of starting at the bottom ( or rather, in the kitchen washing dishes) with his friends. In the time she’s helping Troy, she is also pushing her brother away; replacing him with Troy in their musical number for the talent show, and refusing to hang out with him in preference for Troy. Ryan becomes vengeful to his twin and starts hanging around the Wildcats in the kitchen. At first, he was met with some distasteful looks and words (most of which from Chad). With the help of Kelsey, and her neutral party, Ryan fits in smoothly with the other teenagers, eventually giving the WildCats all dance lessons.

 Throughout the movie, the main conflict continues to be the internal conflict of Troy Bolton. He debates over and over again if he should go through with Sharpay’s shenanigans, or if he wants to “listen to my own heart.”  This of course involves Gabriella, as she is Troy’s love interest. She’s not in the second film except for the beginning, then, where she leaves in the middle of the film - in order to create angst for Troy - then when she shows up again in the finally to sing/rejoin Troy. 

The conflict in the second film  is the combining of Troy’s two worlds. His first - his main world in the first movie, that hence became his secondary world - which is represented by Chad. Then his secondary world - which becomes his main world in this movie - which is represented by Ryan. Chad represents Troy’s masculinity, or his more idealized version of himself. Ryan represents Troy’s femininity or his current version of reality. These two worlds collide in the iconic song “I don’t dance”.  

Since this movie - and hence this scene - came out in the early 2000’s, a lot of the innuendoes went over people's heads. Luckily, as the children who watched this movie grew older and more experienced, and the world became more accepting, we’re able to see this song for what it is. 

Before getting into the lore and symbolism of the iconic “I Don’t Dance” sequence, context is needed. For most of human history, homosexuality was seen as a sin in all places except ancient times (see: Greece and Japan). The modern age is the most accepting on all fronts, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. In the early 2000’s, High School Musical director Kenny Ortega was not publicialy out yet. He wouldn’t be till 2014. 

Originally, while writing this, my first thought was  that Kenny - the director - would be using Troy as a y/n type character to project his insecurities and struggles with masculinity, and what that means in defining his orientation and societal views that would be placed upon him. Then, it came to me later that this is in fact not the case, Troy (and Gabriella - who is in fact a y/n character for the female audience) is more of a character for a man of his time, confused with his own ideals of masculinity and the views of society because, “oh god, I can’t like theater/drama because only queer people and girls like it!” The second point is pushed further with the Troy and Sharpay sub-plot. Sharpay tries to further Troy’s career as a basketball player, though that’s not what he wants anymore, and Troy is no longer sure if that is what he ever wanted to begin with (enter the song “Bet on it” and the hilarious meme “no dad, I’m giving up on your dream”). 

Keeping these things in mind - Kenney’s queerness, and Troy’s struggle to realize you can in fact sing and be a heterosexual, wow, revolutionary - it became clear to me that Kenney’s y/n characters were Ryan and Chad. 

For those who aren’t into the arts, or find them too difficult after a singular attempt thinking they could write a world class novel on the first go, let me be the first to tell you every author has a y/n character. First, for those who don’t know what y/n stands for, it’s a popular fanfiction trope where a writer will write a story about a character dating, being friends, and so on, with the reader. The y/n stands for “your name” so anyone can be the main character in this story at any time. For a writer of mainstream fictional work, such as High School Musical, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, even most comics. Now, most writers or directors aren’t going to be as obvious as having a character not named (or named y/n) or even named Jane (looking at you Jane Austin), the y/n character of many mainstream authors/directors/comic artists and so on is usually the character they feel or have given the most attributes similar to themselves. 

It’s the same reason people have favourite characters. You see a fictional character and you either 1. Want to Bob the Builder them, 2. Some sort of weird sex thing, or 3. See more/the most of yourself in this character. Number three - thankfully - is usually the main reason. Some people just create their own favourite characters. An even easier way to think about this, is just projection baby, that’s psych 101.   

Before I went off on a small tangent of fictional works and how human emotion plays into creating them (except anything Disney has made in the past decade, and no you can’t change my mind on that) I mentioned that Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s y/n characters. As a queer person myself, it’s clear for me to see the different struggles each of these characters face and how these reflect the queer experience. 

So, let’s finally get into it. 

Ryan, without it being explicitly said is clearly a character of what people in the early 2000s think a gay man is. He is effeminate, wearing bright coloured outfits with lots of accessories - namely his signature hats - he is also in the theater department doing musicals, and passive/subservient to any of his twin sisters' wills. Yes, now we know gay men aren’t just feminized men, but in the early 2000’s a gay man who can do "masculine" things like change their car oil, like sports, and so on, break the "effeminate" stereotype thus confused many cishet people. Sharpay is painted as more confident - or, for sake of comparability - masculine to her twin in the first movie, and most of the second movie. Making Ryan a bit of her dog who would do anything to get by - painting Ryan as lesser than human, once more, playing into the homophobia of the early 2000's.     

Despite the clear stereotypes playing into his character, Ryan is consistently one of the most confident characters in the movie. The other, being his sister of course. This confidence in himself is what gravitates the other characters towards him, either by being intimidated (Troy, thinking Ryan and Gabriella were a thing), or admiration (Chad, by the end of “I don’t dance”). 

Chad, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game. While he is confident in the first movie, and the first portion of the second movie, he begins to break more and more when Ryan becomes a more integral part of the Wildcat group. To keep in mind, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste for Troy’s artistic past-time. When the other Wildcats join Ryan and begin learning how to dance for the talent show at the end of the movie, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste. The baseball game where “I don’t dance” takes place, is the climax of Chad’s arc and his turn towards acceptance to Ryan/Troy’s hobbies. 

Of course, there is more to the “I don’t dance” sequence than just Chad’s realization - the exact one Troy comes to terms with in the second movie as well - of “oh my god I don’t have to be gay to enjoy stereotypical ‘feminine’ things.” That is the main part of the song though, that and all the sexual tension. 

Going back to what I’ve stated previously, Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s projection or y/n characters. Let me do a small recap before we get into the nitty gritty of the famous “I don’t dance” video. 

Thinking back to the first few paragraphs, I stated that Kenney wasn’t publicly out till 2014, about 7 years after the second movie came out. This could be due to the fact that a) it’s the early 2000’s and everyones still very homophobic, or b) self-doubt that comes with the queer experience. The most likely reason is a mixture of both of these. Because of this, Ryan is the more self-assured version, or idealized version of Kenney that he wants to be. Ryan is confident, never being swayed about his lifestyle (could be read as: sexuality) even though Chad - and most of the wildcats in the first movie - put him through relentless “teasing” and humiliation. He’s confident, almost to a fault, he’s sure of himself, and yet still reaches out a hand to Chad and the other wildcats to show them that they’re just being, kinda dick-ish. 

Every queer person wants to be Ryan. Despite his heavily stereotyped characterization, I personally believe he is one of the stronger written characters in the movies, mainly due to Kenney putting the time in to really make Ryan feel like a real person, to give himself some sort of relief of his own anxieties, a chance to see the world through a person who truly has no fear. Unlike Kenney himself. 

This is where Chad comes in. 

Chad is seen as “confident” in the first movie, the second Troy “leaves” basketball though, all that confidence comes crashing down. His best friend has another hobby - one he thinks is “not right” (it’s okay, you can say gay), - they wont be spending all their time together (first, can you say dependent relationship much, yikes).Chad’s defining characteristic up until their fight that instigate act three of the second movie, is being Troy’s best friend. I’m going to take this as if this were truly the case, and not a decently written character arch. Some people base themselves around their friends and their whole identity on being a friend, that they lose sight of themselves, this mainly in high school of course, when your whole world is really nothing but school, and friends. Newly developed independence is there, but that’s scary, so instead of worrying about the future, cling to something that’s reliable. I’ve seen this happen, mainly at the end of high school, when the “real world” is coming a bit too close for comfort. This could generally be the case if a person is lonely, but for timeline sake I’m going to say Chad has got some anxiety about graduating (considering the second movie takes place the summer of junior year). 

His lashing out at Troy’s hobbies and at Troy’s neglectful friendship, make more sense with that background, and are seen more in the second movie where Troy begins spending all his spare time with Sharpay (trying to collect that BAG!). Chad - and others (read: father) - insists that music is not a feasible career option, and Troy should just stick with basketball (like...that is a feasible career option). The tension Chad creates in the studio only grows when the other wildcats decide to take up Ryan’s offer for dance lessons and move from the kitchen, to helping out with the talent show. (Next essay idea: how high school musical two was really about class all along, cause Jesus). 

 Chad is the less obvious option for a y/n character. Though again, the 2000’s were not as cool people like to pretend they are. Chad - for Kenney - represents what he actually feels, this fear of being rejected for how he is and how he chooses to live his life/lifestyle, so he sticks to something reliable. Ryan is new, and exciting, and confident in a way that Kenney/Chad wish they could be, but in order for that to happen they need to understand that maybe people are complex creatures, and can enjoy multiple hobbies (aka: the same lesson Troy is teaching the viewers, but far less boring). But, for Kenney/Chad facing that thought and that realization is scary, and thus, they lash out at anyone (read this paragraph as: Chad mad jealous of Ryan cause Ryan bomb as fuck). 

All this build up, finally comes ahead in the employee baseball match 

                                                       ******

The baseball game is probably the most memorable scene in the whole High School Musical franchise (minus Sharpay’s “Fabulous” solo, but that’s also from the same movie, and it’s kinda rude to give what’s already the best more points); the tension in the scene, and what it implies makes it the best written segment of all three movies, let alone the most entertaining. 

Some things to keep in mind from our background information: Chad is missing his bestie and struggling with what being “masculine” really means for him and others. Ryan of course makes this confusing, because the traditional method is being thrown out the window. In short, Chad has internalized homophobia, and Ryan being open - or as open as Disney would let him - is causing all sorts of problems. 

Despite the song, “I don’t dance” being logged into our collective skulls for all eternity (you’re probably humming it right now, sorry about that), the very brief interaction of Ryan and Chad before the game is lost on the public consciousness. The two are clearly comfortable with each other, though the distaste seems to be on Chad’s side more than Ryans. So, the two start playfully jabbing at each other before deciding to do a bat toss to see who will be in the outfield first. 

Before they begin the bat toss, Ryan says “You don’t think dancing takes some game?” Chad then very clearly checks him out, doing a simple but effective ‘drag-your-eyes-over-them-top-to-bottom-then-smile’ and says “you got game?” (Seen in gif below) 

I don’t know how much you know about sex metaphors and how many of those baseball has in it (seriously though, it’s a lot), but with the bat toss, Ryan’s hand ended up on top, and Chad’s under Ryan’s. Let’s ignore this for now, it’ll be implied again later. Ryan’s team starts out in the outfield because he won the bat toss, and hence, the song officially starts. 

The first lyrics (ignoring the chores of “hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing”) is 

I'll show you that it's one and the same

Baseball, dancing, same game

It's easy

Step up to the place, start swingin  

This part is sung by Ryan, who is taunting Chad out in the outfield. Before the game, as stated, Chad was taunting Ryan about his lack of “game” (both sexual and not sexual metaphor are implied), and now, Ryan has turned those tables around. Baseball - is seen as more masculine than dancing, not as masculine as football or basketball, but it’s up there. Chad is someone who cares about his masculinity, enough to the point that Ryan playing baseball makes him loose his mind. Makes him question his own personal definition of masculinity, if you will. 

Ryan says, “baseball, dancing, same game,” impyling that, to him, baseball and dancing are one and the same. That is baffling to Chad, cause well, how can something meant for girls even be close to something meant for boys. 

Chad comes back with: 

 I wanna play ball now, and that's all

This is what I do

It ain't no dance that you can show me, yeah

This only proves my previous point. 

I had a conversation with myself about this, and I’ve decided not to include it in this essay, but a second essay may or may not be possible. Basically the premise - the dancing/”musical” moments of High School Musical are conjured up images by those meant to see them (ie: like a visual hallucination, but, not really) but this scene kinda poo-poos that idea. 

Now, the thing I am talking about is Ryan and Chad’s  peacocking at each other during the time they sing these lyrics. The movements they’re making could be mistaken for dancing - as we automatically assume it is because of the title and themes of the movie - or it could be them just getting ready for the baseball game. Ryan swings his leg over the pitcher's mound, tossing the ball up and down into his glove, making wavy hand gestures, etc. Chad brushes off his gloves, swings his legs, hits the bat on each foot, and so on. 

For the peacocking, Chad makes a mock of the ballerina foot stance before strutting over to the home plate. Ryan laughs at this, which earns quite the smirk from Chad himself (see gif below). 

This is when it becomes a conversation.   

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

Come on - Ch

When Chad says “Come on” it’s when Ryan throws the baseball at him, starting the game, and giving Chad’s team their first strike of the game (get it, it’s funny). Now, obviously we need to talk about the “there’s just one little thing that stops me every time.” As a queer person, I assure you, two of the things that kept me from living my Best Life were 1) my own ignorance of what asexuality was and 2) the fear that everyone I love would hate me for who I am, and what I have no control over. 

Sorry to get deep like that on main, but, can any other queer person say different? Obviously, your first point may differ, but my point still stands. In the video/scene there is a very short moment (to which I have condensed into a gif for you all, you’re welcome, and I’m sorry about the quality in advance), of the camera moving over to Chad’s team (or his friends in this case since it’s an employee baseball game) as he says this line (gif below). 

I will not be explaining the use of subtly in this essay, but I’m sure you get the metaphor Kenney is trying to use. If not, let me spell it out for you in very simple words. This song has a lot of sexual innuendos (as mentioned pervious with the baseball bat scene and still, more to come), with that in mind, and clearly queer themes at play (as mentioned before, again), this scene only shows Chad isn’t as straight as he leads on. His fear/phobia of Ryan/the arts come from a much deeper place. 

In shorter, and much simpler terms: Chad queer. 

But, let’s get back to the boy's conversation. 

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R 

Not a chance, no - Ch 

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R 

Translation: “If I can do this weird, sweaty, dirty, Male thing without blowing a fuse, you can and should be able to dance just fine.” 

But I don't dance - Ch 

Hit it out of the park - Both 

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch  (This is just the chores, you’ll see it multiple times throughout the essay, I just figured if the song is going to be in your head, go all the way right). 

Two-steppin, now you're up to bat - R

Bases loaded, do your dance - R 

Here we are with the baseball metaphors you’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. Girls, gays, and non-binary pals. For those who have somehow managed a sheltered existence with access to the internet, lemme help you. Ryan is talking about “loaded bases” both in the context of the game (where it shows each base has one person from Chad’s team on them) and in the term of sex. While you go out there dating - while it’s mostly douche bags and people using it ironically - your nosey friends may ask you how far you got. 

“First, second, or third base?” They may ask. Or something like, “oh wow, did you get to home plate/base?” These are simply the rankings of the stages of a sexual relationship. First - kissing, sometimes just handholding, Second - making out, some light groping, Third - full on groping, no clothes come off, but it gets close. While each person has different boundaries, these are the general accepted definitions for the bases. 

Home base is obviously full blown sexual intercourse. Since Chad has his “bases loaded” it means he’s done all these things before, just never gone completely to sexual intercourse with someone - in the terms of the song and the history we’ve already established, it’s most likely a male character. This is only proven by Chad’s uncomfortable nature towards Ryan (internalized Homophobia, thank you, returning theme) but his easy, and cocky personality towards everyone else. “bUt thAt DoEsnT pRovE” hush, that’s the final cherry on top. Remember this conversation. 

It's easy - R  

Again. Previous points have been made.  

Take your best shot, just hit it - Ch 

I've got what it takes, playin my game - Ch

So you better spin that pitch - Ch 

You're gonna throw me, yeah - Ch 

I'll show you how I swing - Ch

Ah, the famous “I’ll show you how i swing” a very strong baseball metaphor for everyone. Keeps queer people from defining themselves to dangerous (straight) people, and, well, that’s it actually. This term is mostly used by bi/pan people, though if you want to stay in the closet or are in a dangerous place, it is also used to subtly tell other queer people you are in fact, not straight. My favourite is when this term came into play when President Buchanan got elected in 1856 (for those that don’t know, he’s the first and only gay president). 

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R 

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch 

This is again, the same lyric as before it doesn’t pan, and the tone is much different. The camera stays on Chad as he says this line, meaning he’s reflecting, he is now his own problem, the person that is keeping him back. His friends are not on his mind anymore, which is good, Ryan’s Gay Propaganda has been working. 

Come on - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - R

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh no - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both 

I don't dance, no - Ch

Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance - R

Swing it out, spin around, do the dance - R

I wanna play ball, not dance hall - Ch

I'm makin a triple, not a curtain cal - Chl

I can prove it to you til you know it's true - R

'Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too - R

You're talkin a lot, show me what you got - Ch

Again, like the beginning of this song, this is a heavy base for flirting and sexual tension, which this song is drowning in. 

Stop swinging - both

Hey - both

This is the part where they all start a flash mob in the middle of the baseball diamond. Again, alluding to the conversation I had to myself earlier, this only proves my own theory as no one takes notice of this. But, that’s not this essay, this is where I mention how close Chad and Ryan are at the end of the group dance.  

Come on, swing it like this - both

Oh, swing - both

Jitterbug, just like that - both

That's what I mean, that's how you swing - both

You make a good pitch but I don't believe - both 

Here is yet another (and the final) sexual innuendo. This is actually a rather quick one. Pitching in queer culture is considered the person who tops (because queer people even had to straight-ify their sex lives to “top” and “bottom”), this is the person who is giving, if you know what I’m saying. 

I say you can - R

I know I can't - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

You can do it - R

I don't dance, no - Ch 

 Here is where that mosh pit ends, and how they get a little too close to comfort. 

Nothing to it, atta boy, atta boy, yeah - both

The rest of this song is simply a mash-up of the baseball game being finished, and this lovely gem. 

Now, clearly, Chad’s self conscious nature towards his sexuality is gone, he’s sitting close - if not squishing - Ryan, and talking to him like they’ve been friends forever. Take note of the change of close, most likely due to all the tension at the end of the song, and maybe a little of Chad’s own natural human curiosity built in. Now, I leave you with this note: 

If there is anything that confirms all this more, its Chad’s girlfriend wearing the pride colours. 

Also note: this could also be seen as a friend helping his bro discover his sexuality and fighting internalized homophobia, but, that’s ignoring the sexual tension, so go off I guess. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.  

Watch the full thing here

[semischarmed]

Temptation

-Wednesday- 

I love him so much. God I love him. And he’ll never know. Maybe it was a curse from a past life or something. To live like this, tantalizingly close to him but unable to act. I knew he didn’t see me that way, but that didn’t help any in my situation. 

Take today for instance, he just came back from the gym today soaked in the lingering smell of sweat. It was probably residual perspiration on the clothes he was carrying back or some other thing in his bag. Still. The smell. Goddamn. I could have died and gone to heaven on the spot. I tried to sneak a whiff of Connor, but all I could pick up was whatever soap and cologne he used. It was earthy, woodsy. Like cut cedar and fresh rain. It’s the Connor I always smelled, since he did always keep himself quite clean, and it’s a wonderful scent in its own right, forming the basis of my idea of Connor and the scent I associated with him. But damn. This paled in comparison to the hints of musk and workout sweat I could glean from his clothing. He reeked of pure man and it’s such a shame he covered that up. God I hope he doesn’t do laundry anytime soon.

He must have picked up on something, cause not a moment later I got a “Oh dude! I’m so sorry, this stuff probably reeks haha. I’ll get it washed up so it doesn’t stink up the place” he laughed politely. Fuck.

“Sure, you do you” I stated back, mentally cursing at his propensity for cleanliness.

You’d think the ROTC guys wouldn’t give two fucks about their smell but I guess Connor was an exception. Then again I don’t really know what they did, so maybe it was normal for them. In any case, he definitely did laundry tonight, and I definitely lost out on a good jack off.

-Friday-

So, weird thing happened last night. Connor looked tired as fuck, but he went out. The man must have been running on sheer willpower alone cause he had some kind of training day earlier today too. He collapsed in his room at like 8. Yet there he was an hour later- eyes bloodshot, hair tousled. Maybe he wanted to let loose or something? Still pretty weird. I mean, the guy was practically a saint. It’s odd enough that he went out for drinks, but even odder that he went out dressed like he did. Still I could definitely get used to a more experimental Connor. 

He was also a little looser when he came back. Gave me a pat on the shoulder and a wink. Something about “keeping the room safe” or something. I couldn’t concentrate enough to tell what he was actually rambling about. His breath was drenched in alcohol. I feel like I almost got drunk off the fumes alone when he spoke. No surprise when he had no recollection of any of it after he woke up from his nap. 

Total guilty pleasure, but the messy look was kind of hot on him. Never seen my friend so disheveled like this, he was always so prim and proper. It’s kind of nice to see him knocked down a few pegs. 

-Tuesday-

Connor let out a cute yawn before scratching his pits. He gave his scratching hand a quick sniff before settling into a satisfied smile. My dick jumped a little. I feigned ignorance when he regarded me, asking me if I saw that. “I… uh…no. Definitely not.” 

“Sure dude.” Now fully aware of my stare, Connor continued scratching at himself. “You’re seeing this now though, right?” He ran a hand over his stomach, gently feeling through his defined abs. I kept replaying the event in my head, drooling the delight I just witnessed and at a little daydream of me coming up to to feel this new side of Connor with him. In my daze, I barely noticed my roommate inching closer.

Plus, did he seem… bigger? Though I can’t say I’ve ever seen the guy without a shirt on so I guess I just never noticed. Regardless, this version of Connor was fucking hot. Looks like he’s got a tat too. Hot. 

“Baby if you’re gonna keep looking, you might as well have a taste.” He laughed warmly. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. In my stunned state, I couldn’t do anything beyond stare at him in disbelief as a vascular hand that seemed larger than it should be guided mine around his perky ass. God what a nice ass. I still recoiled out of the sheer absurdity in the situation. Try as I might, I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea of this Connor. It’s like he was two different people. Well, I definitely liked this version of my friend more. I’m still drooling over what just happened.

“Another time, then,” he chuckled before walking to his room. 

Weird. Connor never really shut his door other than to sleep. Guess he was tired or something. 

-Thursday-

Well shit, I totally misread all of that. Today, I thought I saw that same glint of intrigue in his eyes and decided to risk it. Conner was just sitting in his boxers eating cereal and I was just standing there, a few feet behind. I couldn’t help it. My hand instinctively reached out and the cupped the outline of his ass. Perky. It was cute and compact and plump but definitely had a bit of muscle behind it. I regretted the action immediately. 

“…The fuck dude?” He gently whispered. It was more bewilderment than anything. Fuck. He was incredulous and I couldn’t blame him. Anger raged inside him, I could tell. But neither of us knew what to do in the situation. We stood there, staring at each other for what felt like hours before I relented.

In shame I could barely stammer out a shameful “s-sorry” before I slunk back to my room, bright red. 

I fucked up.

-Monday-

Okay. Scratch everything I just said. Connor is fucking with me. He’s got to be. He strode around the apartment half naked, humming a quiet tune to himself. Sure. Fine, I guess. Whatever. But as soon as he noticed me on the couch working on an essay, he walked over and gave me a hug from behind. Oh my god that hug. Connor was a lean dude, but I swear his muscles were fucking bulging, like they were barely contained in his skin. He wrapped those thick pythons over my shoulders and chest and I just about melted on the spot. I’m pretty sure I moaned a little too. Who wouldn’t? Wrapped in his warm embrace, surrounded by this man- I was his for that moment. I tensed up on the spot. I knew he didn’t swing that way, so I don’t know what he was trying but there was no way I would fall for what I could only assume was some kind of trap. 

He spoke in a tone laced in sex. It set me off in a way I didn’t expect. This was a side of Connor I’ve never seen, a tone of Connor I’ve never heard- an experience of Connor I’ve never had. It was a Connor I never knew I needed.

“I’ve seen the way you look at this body. You’re not very subtle.” In the faintest of whispers, he leaned in until his lips were barely touching my ear. My dick was already rock hard in anticipation- I was practically bursting at the seams and I’m sure he had a great view of it. “Just say the word and ‘Connor’ is yours”. 

With a control and a willpower I never had before, I refrained from kissing this boy- from putting myself all over him on the spot. I mentally cursed at my friend. ‘What the fuck are you playing at Connor?’ 

His hot, damp breath caressed my ear in its own embrace as I stood my ground, unmoving like stone. “Got to hand it to you, bro, you put up a really good fight. It’s okay. I love a good fight. Makes victory taste all the more sweeter.” The feel of Connor’s thick, defined fingers running through my hair and wet, slimy tongue across my cheek. He rolled his body forward, so the pulse through his abs would be felt across the back of my neck. From this spot, he was downright imposing. His guns went in for another caress- this time wrapping across my cheeks and around my chin.

“You know I love you bro… This body’s straight as an arrow. But it’s my body- I’ll go gay for you if you want”. What the fuck. Oh god I got a bit of his sweat on my cheek too. My eyes fluttered, body entrapped in a spell of my own hormones reacting to my friend’s advances.

Connor broke me. I shivered on the spot, leaned up to the man, moaned an “Oh fuck…Connor I-I need you. I-” before he cut me off. “Well bro, kind of looks like you still got some work today- you have fun with that.” He laughed coldly. He was fucking with me.

That whole exchange was really fucking weird, cause just a few hours later, it was back to pure awkward silence between us. Like a flip of a switch, the every energy he exuded around me could only be described as “uncomfortable”. I wanted to talk to him, to speak with him about earlier, to tell him I wanted him the same way. Something about those eyes read differently though. They read the same Connor I had been used to until recently. I decided to hold my tongue. Something about this situation wasn’t adding up.

Also I’m pretty sure this kid needs to see a doctor or something. I swear the guy doesn’t sleep- he’s out every night and then I see his tired ass drag himself to class every morning. Rushing a frat? Weird drugs? Could have been a host of things. 

-Tuesday-

Now 4 days since the incident last week. Thankfully he hasn’t brought it up- nor has he brought up whatever the fuck yesterday was. If it was even real. I sweat and stumble over my sentences in every conversation I make with him. I flash back to what he said to me. God, this was all too much. Every time I try to focus myself, focus on whatever he was talking to me about, I couldn’t help but think of the Connor that visited me yesterday night. 

Maybe, maybe it was just a hallucination. Maybe I dreamed it all up. I was working on an essay for hours. The whole encounter could have easily been a dream. He’s been going out every night too, so it’s not like he could have been speaking to me that coherently. Still. That didn’t make it any better. Whether or not he knew it, Connor was a demon in my life. 

I shamefully admit I totally jacked off to that little exchange from yesterday after he left. Grabbed some used Connor-scented garments off his hamper and exploded all over myself in a Connor-themed session. Nothing like the exquisite gym-soaked clothes from a week ago, but it was enough. It was still Connor. My eyes rolled up to the back of my head in pleasure as I took a breath, basking in the afterglow and the scent of forest and earth and faintest lingering musk of Connor in my nose. Connor was everything to me and, hallucination or not, I committed yesterday’s events to memory. 

-Still Tuesday-

Shitshitshit. Definitely not a dream. I caught the son of a bitch. In the dead of night, I caught him sneaking in from a dark corner of the room. Like a figure manifest from the shadows itself. He was holding some silver figurine in his hand, reciting some odd words, before he lunged at the sleeping Connor. He gave my roommate a quick sniff before scoffing. “Bro you have to stop cleaning all your nice smells away… With that the stranger pulled at the corners of Connor’s mouth. I watched as my roommate’s skin was forced to accommodate the man’s muscular calves. 

I watched as the stranger pulled Connor every further up himself. Damn, even in the dark I could tell the man was ripped. When his head finally slotted into where Connor’s skull would be, and Connor’s face was stretched being pulled, I saw the immediate change in my friend’s demeanor. This was the guy who’s been fucking with me recently. This was why Connor looked so buff lately. I couldn’t see the man who jumped inside my best friend, but I could never wipe that smug smile he wore through Connor’s face. 

The smell that originated from inside Connor, the same smell I experienced a week ago. God I loved that scent. It permeated throughout the room. Best friend concentrate. Like a humid, musky, grime that clung to the very air and decorated my nostrils. I never wanted his scent out of me again. I felt like I was inhaling Connor himself, regarding a newly discovered private part of my friend.

My stomach churned in a mix of anticipation and horror. Sweat beaded at my temples. Gotta admit, this was kind of hot. I had to figure out what I was gonna do about this. Self-preservation kicked in and I fled to my room, taking special attention to ensure I did not alert the man inside Connor. Not like he’d notice anyways- dude was feeling himself up almost immediately after he slipped inside. 

-Wednesday-

It’s like clockwork at this point. The “other” Connor came back early in the morning from a wild night out, before passing out on our couch as I was finally able to speak with my friend. Impossibly tired eyes looked back at me. He gave a weak grimace. “Must have passed out again….Uh.. can I help you man?” My heart sank. Could I really tell him this? My poor roommate. “No, uh.. do you want any breakfast?”.

I could tell he had meant to say yes. He motioned as much, before staring at my face and turning away. Fuck. He was definitely still put off by last week’s advance. I honestly don’t blame him. “N-no. I got it. Thanks.” 

I grimaced awkwardly before shrugging and walking to fix myself some breakfast. This would complicate things. And I couldn’t do that to Connor. I needed to find a way to fix this without him knowing. Evidently, his body being used and worn out like an evening jacket was taking its toll on him. Despite whatever we were going through, he was still my friend. And I couldn’t in good faith add more to that burden. 

“Hey, one of the guys from the gym’s coming over for dinner, that cool?” 

“Yeah man, I’ll just order some extra pizza,” I said back, sighing internally in relief at some semblance of normalcy.

-Still Wednesday -

I met Connor’s gym friend. To be honest, already forgot his name. He gave me a wink when he shook my hand and I couldn’t stop staring all dinner. I think even Connor picked up on it. He looked almost jealous with all the attention I usually gave him being directed at the stranger. The stranger asked to use the bathroom, and I wanted to let him know how to get to it, but he seemed to already know the path.

“Hey bro, is it cool if I stay the night?“ I nodded automatically, lost in deep thought.

There’s something peculiar about the Connor’s gym friend. And I didn’t notice it until I was already in bed. Then hit me like a brick. 

That fucking smirk. 

-End-

If anyone knows who this guy is, please let me know… for.. uh.. research purposes.

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

somebody loves you for yourself

A/N: I have had this nicomas fic in my head and have been working on it basically since fwsa came out, and it’s finally done!! it’s like 7k of pure fluff and nico meeting the sides, enjoy! (title is from Wake Up, Sunshine by All Time Low)

Summary: On a relaxing date night with Thomas, Nico stumbles upon someone on the kitchen- someone who looked eerily like his boyfriend. Then he ends up meeting five more "Thomases," as well as finding out that there is so much of his boyfriend to love.

Warnings: flirting, kissing, hugging, cuddling, remus being remus, janus being all “we live in a society,” mentions of amazon being a not great company (lmk if anything should be added, otherwise this is pure fluff!)

-

Things had been going spectacularly well with the cute disaster gay Nico had met at the mall. Since that fateful meeting, the two had exchanged numbers, gone on more dates… and well, it had been a few months now and Nico was pretty sure that Thomas was it for him. He really couldn’t picture his future without Thomas somewhere in it. Nico wasn’t really sure what he’d do without Thomas’s infectious enthusiasm, how he could go a day without seeing the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his passions or the way pink would dust his cheeks when Nico used any term of endearment towards him… well now Nico was just waxing poetic now, wasn’t he? Sue him, he was a poet! And Thomas had irrevocably become his muse.

“I was rambling again, wasn’t I?” Thomas asked, startling Nico from his thoughts. The two of them were in Thomas’s apartment, Nico watching Thomas playing Kingdom Hearts. Well… it was more Thomas playing for a bit, then pausing the game to ramble about the lore and storyline of Kingdom Hearts. But Nico was more than content to listen and watch as Thomas gestured emphatically as he spoke. Although Nico admittedly got caught up in how Thomas’s voice was like audible sunshine, how Thomas could start literally glowing from excitement and Nico wouldn’t bat an eye… Thomas once confessed to him that he had thought Nico was radiant the first time he saw him, but Nico was pretty sure it was the other way around. Thomas was the radiant one, like a beam of sunlight that had gotten confused and taken human form.

“No, it’s okay! I like hearing you ramble, it’s cute! Although… I will admit that I might have gotten a little distracted by said cuteness and zoned out,” Nico replied with a sheepish laugh. Thomas flushed and let out a squeak, hands flapping excitedly for a moment before he covered his mouth, as if he were trying to hold back the squeak that he had already let out.

“You know I don’t know how to respond to compliments!” Thomas protested when he dropped his hands down from his mouth.

“Think of it this way, babe- if I keep giving you compliments, you’ll have more practice at responding to them! Besides, you’re unreasonably cute when you get all blushy and stimmy like this,” Nico said with a grin. Thomas squeaked again, this time opting to bury his whole face in his hands.

“This is RUDE I’m being ATTACKED!” Thomas exclaimed, voice muffled behind his hands. Nico chuckled, shaking his head at his boyfriend’s dramatics.

“Okay, okay, I’ll show mercy. I was gonna get some water soon anyway. Need anything while I’m up?” he asked. Thomas looked up from his hands then, face still flushed but looking less like he was going to melt.

“Nah, I’m fine, thanks though,” Thomas replied.

“Be right back,” Nico said, and with a kiss to Thomas’s cheek to fix the not-melting problem, Nico stood up and walked over to the kitchen. He flicked on the light, and he was still rather lost in his thoughts about Thomas that he didn’t notice the man sitting on the counter until he looked up and locked eyes with him. He was… Thomas?! Or at least, someone who looked eerily similar to Thomas. He wore a black hoodie with plaid purple patches and for a moment, Nico thought he had sparkly purple eyeshadow underneath his eyes. But then the man locked eyes with Nico and the eyeshadow was black. Nico let out a surprised yelp, the man sitting on the counter yelped back, and soon enough both of them were screaming.

“Uh… everything okay in here?” Thomas asked, frowning with concern as he walked into the kitchen. He didn’t seem perturbed by the man on the counter, and Nico looked between them incredulously.

“So… were you going to tell me you had a twin, or was I just supposed to get scared half to death by finding him sitting on the counter?!” Nico demanded, unable to keep his voice from rising with mild panic. Thomas’s mouth dropped open, and he looked at the man, then back to Nico.

“You can see him?!” Thomas gasped. Nico’s expression twisted with confusion.

“Uh… kinda hard to miss an emo version of you sitting on the counter. Thomas, who is this and why are you so shocked that I can see him?” Nico asked, glancing to the man again, who looked like he wanted nothing more than to cease to exist at that present moment. But surprisingly, the man spoke up.

“He’s surprised because I’m part of him,” he said, and he even sounded like Thomas, but his voice was rougher and deeper.

“What do you mean, ‘part of him?’” Nico asked slowly.

“This is Virgil, he’s my anxiety. And up until now… I thought I was the only one who could see him,” Thomas explained. And frankly, this clarification just left Nico even more confused.

“So… your anxiety is somehow… personified? And is a real, actual person?” Nico asked.

“He’s not… ‘real,’ in that sort of sense, I thought he was more like… a figment of my imagination, or a projection of how I was feeling, anxiety-wise? Although he and the others are able to interact with the real world sometimes…” Thomas trailed off thoughtfully.

“Wait wait wait. Back up. Others?!” Nico exclaimed. Thomas instantly looked a little sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I- um, well…”

“We’re his ‘sides.’ Parts of his personality, basically. There’s Logan, Patton, Roman… and a few more,” Virgil explained, fidgeting with his hoodie sleeves and eyes glued to the floor.

“Oh. Okay then… so are all of you just in his head the rest of the time? How come I haven’t seen any of you before?” Nico asked.

“We usually are in his head, yeah. But I don’t know why you haven’t seen any of us until now. Heck, me and Roman were with Thomas when he met you!” Virgil exclaimed, biting his thumb nervously after his rather panicked outburst.

“Wait, you were?” Nico asked, looking to Thomas for confirmation. Thomas smiled sheepishly, dropping his hand from the back of his neck.

“Yeah. In fact, Virgil was the one who pushed me to talk to you. And uh- I mean the ‘pushed’ part literally,” Thomas explained.

“Wait really? I just thought you were clumsy- not that being clumsy is a bad thing! Kinda endearing, actually,” Nico said, expecting the inevitable blush to travel over Thomas’s face- but what he wasn’t expecting was a squeak from Virgil and his eyeshadow turning sparkly and purple.

“I mean, to be fair I am a little clumsy sometimes,” Thomas said with a nervous laugh. Nico glanced between Virgil and Thomas, a bit of a playful smirk quirking on his lips.

“Well, whether your clumsiness is just you or your sides- I think you’re all around endearing,” Nico said, voice nearly a purr. Thomas let out a delighted little sound and flapped his hands with excitement, and Virgil outright giggled. If Nico hadn’t thought Thomas was everything to him before, he definitely thought so now with meeting one of his sides.

“Your eyeshadow turns purple and sparkly when Thomas is excited, that is adorable,” Nico cooed. Virgil let out a sound that was half giggle and half yelp, hiding his flushed face in his hands. After a few deep breaths to calm himself down, he peeked up at Nico, looking timid and insecure.

“You really think so?” Virgil asked quietly, tensing up as if he were afraid of the answer.

“I do think so. It makes sense after all… Thomas is adorable, therefore his sides are adorable too,” Nico replied with a shrug. Virgil let out an elated giggle, hands flapping excitedly- and in that moment, Nico knew that he was more than okay with Thomas having sides. It just meant there was more of him to love and appreciate.

-

Since meeting Virgil, Nico was determined to meet the rest of the sides. Thomas had explained that he could summon them whenever he wanted, but Nico insisted that they could just come to him on their own. He had felt a little bad about his first meeting with Virgil being so panic-inducing for all of them, and didn’t really want a repeat of that situation. But luckily, Nico didn’t have to wait that long to meet another one of Thomas’s sides.

Nico had been sitting at the table, idly chatting with Thomas while he was in the kitchen making dinner for the two of them. Nico had offered to help, but being the sweetheart he was, Thomas insisted that he was more than happy to handle dinner. As they were talking, one of Thomas’s sides rose up into existence. This side wore glasses, a black polo, and a tie… Nico made a mental note to tell Thomas that he looked very good dressed a bit more formally.

“Thomas, please be sure to preheat the oven for the garlic bread this time,” the formally dressed side said. Then he looked over and seemed to notice Nico, and though his expression seemed carefully maintained and neutral, Nico could see his eyes lighting up with excitement.

“Hi there!” Nico said, giving a small wave. A smile crept over the side’s face for half a second, but his expression quickly turned neutral again, and he adjusted his tie nervously.

“Hello. I am Logan, Thomas’s-”

“Wait! Don’t tell me which side you are, I wanna guess! It’s kind of like a puzzle… although I guess that’s kind of weird to say about part of your boyfriend’s personality…” Nico trailed off sheepishly. Logan’s face lit up, and this time it was purely unrestrained. If Nico could get heart eyes like a cartoon character, he certainly would have in this situation. Something about seeing this serious side of Thomas so excited… it made Nico’s heart flutter.

“Do you like puzzles?” Logan asked, sounding like he was trying not to seem too hopeful.

“I love puzzles!” Nico exclaimed. A grin took over Logan’s face, and with a wave of his hand, a puzzle appeared on the kitchen table. It was a Nightmare Before Christmas one of Jack Skellington’s face being made up of various scenes and characters from the movie.

“Oh- wait, I’m not sure if you’re going to be able to-” Logan’s sentence cut off abruptly when Nico reached out and took the lid off the top of the box.

“What were you saying?” Nico asked, setting the lid down and looking up to Logan. Nico could only describe his expression as calculating, but in a warm and endearing way.

“Fascinating,” Logan murmured, gazing at Nico. He felt his face heat up slightly at the attention, but was mostly feeling a little lost.

“Logan? What’s going on, buddy?” Thomas asked, observing the two of them from the other side of the kitchen counter. Logan blinked, shaking his head and looking a little sheepish.

“Apologies. I was rather fascinated that Nico was able to touch the puzzle box. I had momentarily forgotten that I am technically imaginary, and therefore anything I would summon would be imaginary as well. However, Nico seems to be able to interact with the puzzle,” Logan explained, and frankly Nico felt like he could listen to Logan talk for ages. He was so precise and professional with the way he spoke, but there was still an undercurrent of excitement and fascination.

“Maybe you guys are becoming more real, somehow?” Nico suggested.

“Perhaps, but you seem to be the only one who can see us. There have been some close calls with Joan and some of Thomas’s other close friends, but you have been the only one who has outright interacted with us,” Logan explained. Nico hummed thoughtfully as he began sorting out the puzzle pieces. Logan sat down with him and helped sort the pieces as well, flushing slightly as their hands brushed whenever they reached for the same pieces.

“Maybe it has to do with how close to Thomas someone is?” Nico asked. A contemplative expression came over Logan’s face.

“I am not responsible for Thomas’s emotions, so I would have no way of knowing. But that is a plausible theory,” Logan replied. Nico nodded, and went back to the puzzle for a few moments, sneaking a few glances at Logan every now and then.

“Well, you confirmed that you aren’t Thomas’s emotional side, and I know you aren’t his anxiety because I already met Virgil. And you seem to like Nightmare Before Christmas, but I’m not sure if that really contributes to which side you are,” Nico said, and was surprised to see Logan flush with mild embarrassment.

“I- while your skills of deduction are admirable, my reasonings for summoning a Nightmare Before Christmas puzzle was not because I enjoy the movie, but because you seem to. If the sticker on your laptop is any evidence to go by,” Logan admitted a tad sheepishly. This time it was Nico’s turn to blush, and he placed his hand over Logan’s with a grin.

“Logan, that’s so sweet! So tell me, what do you like?” Nico asked, squeezing Logan’s hand before removing it to continue the puzzle. Logan stared at his hand for a moment or two, then blinked and shook his head.

“I- erm, I do have an- an appreciation for mysteries and detective stories,” Logan replied, stumbling over his words slightly. Nico glanced up from the puzzle to see that Logan looked a little flustered, and a small smile came to his face at the sight.

“So let’s see… not emotional, seems very factual and is on the more serious side, likes puzzles, mysteries, and detectives… my guess is that you’re Thomas’s intellectual side,” Nico said. Logan’s face broke out into a grin and his expression lit up with pride, sending butterflies fluttering through Nico’s stomach.

“Correct! Although technically speaking, my official ‘title’ of sorts is that I am Thomas’s Logic,” Logan said, voice surprisingly warm and fond.

“Well then, Mr. Logic, shall we finish this puzzle?” Nico asked with a grin. A small smile slipped onto Logan’s face.

“I think we shall, Mr. Flores.”

-

Nico and Thomas had been having what they liked to call “joint creativity days.” The two of them would hang out in Thomas’s apartment while Thomas would work on a script for a video, while Nico would work on his songs or poetry. And it was on one of these joint creativity days that Nico met another one of Thomas’s sides.

“By the prophecies of Apollo, are you writing a sonnet?!” a hushed, yet excited voice piped up beside Nico. He looked over to see one of Thomas’s sides nestled rather close to him on the couch, eyes lit up with awe as he looked at Nico’s screen. The side in question was dressed like a stereotypical prince: white tunic with gold detailing, a bright red sash- but oddly enough, no crown.

“Well… I’m trying to. My songs aren’t really going anywhere, so I decided I’d try to do some poetry. But I’m getting tripped up on the syllables,” Nico said with a sigh.

“Why restrict your wondrous writing to the syllables of a sonnet? Although I do appreciate the Bard’s work,” the princely side asked.

“I thought giving myself some guidelines would help, otherwise I’ll feel like I have too many options and I don’t end up writing anything at all,” Nico said with a sigh.

“It doesn’t seem like you’re writing much with those guidelines- but this certainly is a good start!” the side said, eyes scanning over the words again. A thoughtful expression came over the side’s face, and Nico could practically see the creative gears turning in his mind. Wait… creative? Could he be- well, Nico should probably ask the side’s name before making any guesses.

“Oh gosh, what am I doing? I didn’t even ask for your name or anything!” Nico said with a sheepish laugh. The side blinked, startling slightly as he was torn from the partially written sonnet. His face broke out into a charming grin as he sprung to his feet, got down on one knee in front of the couch and took Nico’s hand in his. Nico thought he was flustered at the side’s actions- but then he spoke and Nico was fairly sure his face was burning.

“Prince Roman at your service, my fair poet,” he murmured with a kiss to the back of Nico’s hand. Nico let out a sound he absolutely refused to call a squeak.

“Where is this suave-ness when I’m trying to flirt with Nico?!” Thomas demanded indignantly. Roman stood up with a huff.

“Virgil can be very convincing when it comes to not flirting versus flirting!” Roman squawked indignantly.

“Good point,” Thomas replied with a sigh.

“Well, whenever you are comfortable enough to do it, the suave-ness is much appreciated by me,” Nico said, only sounding slightly strangled. Roman’s face lit up, and he clapped his hands together excitedly as he bounced on the balls of his feet (the lack of crown now made sense to Nico, with how much the prince seemed to move).

“Really?!” Roman squealed.

“Of course, Prince Roman- or should I say, Thomas’s creativity and passion?” Nico guessed with a grin. Nico thought Roman looked rather joyous before, but Roman’s expression turned positively ecstatic. Nico half-expected Roman to start glowing with how enthused he looked. He all but bounded forward to sit next to Nico again and hug him tightly- and then he pressed a kiss to Nico’s cheek. Nico’s face heated up once more… and okay, fine, he squeaked. Roman drew back from him quickly, looking completely mortified.

“I have never thought about a single decision I have ever made,” Roman said, voice coming out quiet and mildly strained. Nico gave Roman a comforting smile, and took the prince’s hand and squeezed it gently. Roman’s tensed form instantly relaxed, but he still looked a little distraught.

“I don’t mind a little spontaneity, your highness,” Nico murmured, thumb rubbing soothing circles over the back of Roman’s hand. A sound between a gasp and an exclamation left Roman’s lips and a delightful pink flush grew over his cheeks.

“I- Nico, you- I…” Roman rambled, seeming at a loss for words. Nico smiled warmly and leaned over to kiss Roman’s temple… and well, it looked like Roman wasn’t going to be formulating words any time soon.

“Nico! Now I’m really not going to get any work on this script done!” Thomas said with a laugh, setting his laptop aside.

“I can’t help that my boyfriend and his sides are so handsome and lovely! It makes complimenting you so easy,” Nico said, flashing Thomas a grin. Thomas squeaked, blushing just as brightly as Roman.

“This is DISTINCTLY not fair!” Roman pouted, which was frankly adorable in Nico’s humble opinion.

“You started it, dear Prince,” Nico hummed with a shrug, turning back to his sonnet. Nothing like a little mutual flirting and flustering to get the writing motivation flowing.

-

Halloween was approaching, which meant that pumpkin patches started opening up. So Nico came up with the date idea of going to a pumpkin patch and carving pumpkins afterwards. And was the main purpose of this date to wear cute fall clothes and take pictures with Thomas? Maybe. But Nico also really loved Halloween and carving pumpkins, so really it was a win-win.

Nico took pumpkin carving very seriously, so he was meticulous when it came to choosing a pumpkin. Thomas had already chosen his, and was watching on fondly while Nico pondered over the pumpkins. Nico had narrowed down his choices to two pumpkins when a voice piped up beside him.

“Having trouble picking there, pumpkin?” the voice asked, and Nico glanced over to see one of Thomas’s sides crouched beside him. Nico couldn’t think of any other way to describe this side other than a dad with an affinity for cats. He wore glasses, a blue polo, khakis, and a cat hoodie tied around his shoulders. Nico blinked at the side with mild confusion.

“Was that… a pun?” Nico asked. The side let out a sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeahhh… not my best one. Oh hey! Can I just say that you look gord-eous today?” he said with a grin. Against his will, Nico’s face flushed and a giggle escaped his lips.

“You have a dad side?” Nico said, standing and turning towards Thomas with a laugh of disbelief. Thomas let out a sheepish laugh.

“Well, he’s technically more than that… but pretty much yeah,” Thomas replied.

“I didn’t think you or your sides could get any more adorable,” Nico said with a grin. Thomas flushed slightly, and a squeal came from the side beside Nico.

“Oh kiddo! You’re so sweet!” he cooed. Nico turned to the dad side with a slightly mischievous grin.

“Am I sweet as… pumpkin pie?” he asked. Thomas’s side giggled, while Thomas groaned at the pun.

“I’d say you’re even sweeter! My name’s Patton, by the way,” he said, holding out a hand to Nico. He looked at the offered hand, then to Patton’s face.

“Sorry Patton, but I don’t think a handshake is gonna do. Could I have a hug instead?” Nico asked. Patton’s face lit up like a child’s did on Christmas, and he pulled Nico into his arms with an elated sound. Thomas was a good hugger, Nico always felt safe and loved in his arms- but hugging Patton was that feeling times a thousand. Patton just radiated care and comfort, and Nico hadn’t really thought he needed a hug earlier, but part of him felt absolutely relieved to be hugged. One of Patton’s hands came up to gently card through Nico’s hair, and he all but purred at the touch.

“I’m not getting Patton back anytime soon, am I?” Thomas joked.

“No,” Nico replied with a slight pout, hugging Patton tighter.

“No complaints here!” Patton said, and Nico could hear his smile in his voice.

“I mean, to everyone else it probably looks like you’re hugging the air,” Thomas pointed out with a chuckle. Nico sighed, and regretfully drew away from Patton.

“That’s okay, I can always hug you later when there aren’t people around!” Patton chirped with a sunny grin. Okay, so Patton was definitely the side responsible for Thomas being like a ray of sunshine that came to life. But Nico had no clue as to what part of Thomas that made Patton. His kindness, maybe? But Nico had a feeling that Patton was more than that, that there was something more than the puns and cheerful attitude.

“I’ve gotta say Patton, you’ve got me a little stumped. Puns, sunny disposition, kindness… but I feel like there’s something more to you than that, something more specific that I can’t quite put my finger on,” Nico hummed thoughtfully.

“Do you want a hint?” Patton offered. Nico pondered this for a moment or two, then nodded.

“Sure, just don’t give it to me too easily,” he replied. Patton grinned, clapping his hands together excitedly.

“Yay! Well Nico, I just wanted to say that I am morally obligated to tell you that I heartily look forward to our next hug!” Patton exclaimed. Nico blinked in mild confusion, getting the feeling that Patton had used two puns in his hint. He pondered Patton’s sentence for a moment or two, regarding the side with a contemplative look.

“Are you… his morals? Or his heart?” Nico asked, more thinking out loud rather than settling on an answer.

“Both! Well, ‘officially’ I’m Thomas’s morality, his sense of right and wrong- but I’m his heart too!” Patton chirped.

“I knew there was something more to you than really good hugs and dad jokes,” Nico replied with a grin. Patton giggled, face flushing ever so slightly as he fiddled with the sleeves of his cat hoodie.

“Well, to be fair… I am mostly that sort of stuff,” he said, sounding a little sheepish. Nico regarded Patton with a concerned expression. Something about Patton’s demeanor… it struck Nico that perhaps the side didn’t think of himself all that highly. Maybe it was a bit of a stretch to assume, considering he had just met him, but there was insecurity in every fiber of his stance.

“Maybe, but it takes a lot of wisdom to deal with moral issues. You can be smart and silly, it’s not a dichotomy,” Nico said with a soft smile. Patton’s eyes grew wide behind his glasses, and Nico was vaguely startled to see that it looked like he was going to cry.

“Oh- I- well… well Logan’s the smart one, not me,” Patton protested, though his voice was soft and hopeful.

“Sure, Logan is logic and facts, and ‘traditional’ intelligence… but there’s a lot of different types of intelligence. You seem to lean towards emotional intelligence, which does make you smart and caring- plus you must be pretty witty to come up with puns,” Nico said, still smiling softly.

“Oh,” Patton said softly, eyes still wide and the beginnings of a smile on his face. Patton stood still for half a moment, then rushed forward to hug Nico. This hug felt completely different than the one Nico had received earlier. This time, Patton felt so small in his arms, instead of being all-encompassing comfort. Patton was the one who needed the comfort here, to know that just because he was sweet and silly, it didn’t mean he wasn’t important. Nico hugged him back tightly, reaching a hand up to run through his hair, mirroring what Patton had done with him earlier. Nico looked to Thomas over Patton’s shoulder- and was shocked to see an expression that had been eerily similar to Patton’s- disbelieving yet hopeful. Then it hit Nico- the sides’ insecurities were Thomas’s too, at least on some level. He squeezed Patton tighter and smiled at Thomas comfortingly. There was so much of Thomas to love- and Nico was determined to show Thomas that he loved every part of him.

-

Thomas and Nico were curled up on the couch, Thomas’s arm around him with his head resting on top of Nico’s. They were having a rather relaxed evening by watching The Lion King, arguably one of Nico’s favorite Disney movies (other than Nightmare Before Christmas, of course). What made this particular viewing of The Lion King so enjoyable was Thomas softly singing along to the songs and his laughter at various parts of the movie. They had gotten to “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” in the movie when Nico heard some snickering from off to the side. Nico looked over to see a mustached side with a white streak through his hair hiding behind the couch. Out of all the sides Nico had met so far, he looked the most different from Thomas. Yet something about him reminded Nico of Roman- they definitely seemed to have a similar style, as something about the side seemed regal with the elaborate black tunic and electric green sash.

“What are you giggling about?” Nico asked. The side merely cackled, wiggling excitedly behind the couch.

“You’ll seeeeeee,” he crooned. Thomas looked over to the side with an apprehensive look and sighed.

“Remus-” Thomas started, but the side (Remus?) quickly shushed him. Thomas huffed out a sigh and rolled his eyes, snuggling back into Nico. They continued watching the scene for a little while longer until Remus broke down into giggles, causing Thomas to sigh again.

“What’s so funny?” Nico asked, glancing between the television and Remus. They had gotten to the part of the song where Simba and Nala had rolled down the hill together, and Nico couldn’t quite figure out what was so amusing about that.

“Oh come on, Nala was totally asking Simba to hakuna her tatas with those bedroom eyes she was giving him,” Remus cackled. Thomas’s expression was twisted with a mixture of disgust and disappointment, while Nico couldn’t help but burst into laughter. Both Thomas and Remus looked surprised at his reaction, but Nico was too busy laughing to really wonder why.

“Hakuna her- oh my goodness how did I never think of that-” Nico said between laughs.

“And you said it would be a bad idea if I talked to Nico!” Remus scoffed with a grin.

“Cause I thought you would traumatize him, not- not whatever is happening here!” Thomas protested.

“What is happening here is that I am hilarious,” Remus shot back, his grin turning more smug than chaotic. Nico finally managed to stop laughing and catch his breath, looking to Remus with an inquisitive look.

“So you’re- what, pure chaos and humor? You also remind me of Roman in a weird way… I can’t quite puzzle you out,” Nico pondered. Remus opened his mouth to say something else, but was cut off by an indignant voice from the end of the couch.

“I resent that, I am NOTHING like him!” Roman exclaimed, crossing his arms and pouting slightly.

“Hey! I’m talking to Nico now, you got to meet him a few days ago!” Remus shouted back. Roman and Remus quickly devolved into childish bickering, sounding more like a pair of kids than two sides of a grown man.

“This is the first time I’ve seen your sides interact with each other, do they always bicker like this?” Nico whispered to Thomas, gaze darting between Roman and Remus as they continued to argue.

“More or less, but these two are a… special case,” Thomas muttered.

“I am quite special and spectacular, thank you,” Roman said, abandoning his argument with Remus to turn to Thomas and Nico.

“Pretty sure ‘special’ was not a compliment there, Ro-Bro,” Remus huffed. Roman let out a dramatic groan, looking to Remus his nose wrinkled in distaste.

“Why did you call me ‘Ro-Bro’, I know you have the capability to be cleverer than that,” Roman huffed.

“Well it’s true! Your name is Ro, and you’re my bro! And Thomas told me I couldn’t traumatize Nico,” Remus pouted.

“Wait, ‘bro?’ Like you guys are actually brothers?” Nico blurted, interrupting the argument before it could really begin.

“Unfortunately,” Roman huffed.

“Well I think I am an absolute delight to have as a brother,” Remus shot back, sticking out his tongue.

“More like an absolute fright!” Roman fired back.

“Awww, you called me a fright! That’s gotta be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!” Remus chirped, seeming genuinely pleased. Roman let out a long sigh.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Please don’t scare off Thomas’s boyfriend?” Roman huffed. To Nico’s surprise, Remus flushed slightly.

“I won’t,” he muttered. Seeming satisfied, Roman sunk out, leaving Thomas and Nico with Remus. Nico turned to look at Remus who seemed… uncharacteristically sheepish. Nico hadn’t really known Remus for all that long, but something told him that he wasn’t the type of side to be particularly bashful.

“So… Remus. Roman’s your brother? Does that mean you guys have similar functions?” Nico asked with a contemplative expression. Remus squirmed semi-uncomfortably for a moment or two before huffing out a sigh.

“I guess so. Technically,” he said with a slight pout. Nico regarded him with a concerned eye. Remus seemed just as unwilling to admit that he had any similarities to Roman as Roman was unwilling to admit that he had any similarities to Remus.

“So you’re creativity too? But Thomas and Roman both said something about scaring or traumatizing me… so you’re Thomas’s darker creative thoughts?” Nico asked.

“Yup. But I’m his intrusive thoughts too. Y’know, those random little thoughts you get about how easy it would be to stab somebody while they’re helping you do the dishes and you happen to be drying a knife,” Remus replied, his strange melancholy demeanor shifting to something more malicious and chaotic as he spoke. Nico was suddenly reminded of the other day when he was helping Thomas do the dishes after dinner, and how Thomas had dropped a knife like it had burned him while he was drying it. Nico had fussed over him and asked if he was okay, and Thomas just blamed it on clumsiness. But now Nico could see that there was a bit more to Thomas lurking beneath the surface. Nico knew that Thomas would never hurt him- if the immense guilt and shame currently written over his face was anything to go by- but it did hurt Nico’s heart a bit to know that Thomas struggled with such thoughts and felt ashamed to talk about it.

“Well… just because you think such things doesn’t mean you’d ever do them, and thinking those sorts of things doesn’t make you an irredeemably bad person either. Plus it’s not a bad thing to have a darker imagination! Stories can’t be all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes you’ve gotta have a little darkness to even things out,” Nico explained in a soothing tone, relieved when both Thomas and Remus perked up.

“Really?” Remus asked in a disbelieving tone.

“Really! Trust me, I’m a poet. And poets love writing about dark stuff, just look at Edgar Allan Poe! He’s one of my inspirations, did you know that?” Nico asked, grinning when Remus’s face lit up.

“Me too! The Tell-Tale Heart is one of my favorites of his!” Remus exclaimed, beginning to chatter away about hearts beneath floorboards and birds that foretold death. Thomas muttered something about Nico providing Remus more nightmare fuel to torment him with, to which Nico happily placated him with a peck on the cheek and the promise to defend him from any nightmares.

-

On more than one occasion, some of Nico’s friends had enthusiastically recommended the show Good Omens to him. As it turned out, Thomas’s friends were also recommending the show to him. So they both figured it could be something they could experience together. Watching Good Omens had become a bit of a weekend tradition, and they were now halfway through the show. Nico was getting popcorn ready in the kitchen, while Thomas fussed over the television setup. For whatever reason, Thomas seemed to be struggling with pulling it up… no, that wasn’t quite it. Thomas seemed strangely hesitant about pulling up Amazon Prime onto his television.

“Something up, babe?” Nico asked as he carried the popcorn into the living room.

“No! No, I’m fine,” Thomas replied, a little too quickly as he queued up the show and sat down on the couch. For a brief moment, Nico could have sworn he heard a chilling laugh and a flash of yellow out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to follow it, there was nothing there. Shaking his head, Nico sat down beside Thomas and instantly cuddled into his side, popcorn still in hand.

“Sure doesn’t sound like you’re fine,” Nico said, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head up to meet Thomas’s eyes. He fidgeted for a moment or two before replying.

“Just saw an article the other day about Amazon, that’s all,” Thomas said with a sigh.

“Yeah, Jeff Bezos is a crummy guy, and unfortunately we live in a capitalist world where there is no such thing as ethical consumption,” Nico said, tone grim and melancholy.

“He’s right, Thomas. After all- what’s the phrase? Ah yes… ‘we live in a society,’” a voice crooned. Nico jumped, nearly spilling the popcorn in the process, and looked over to see one of Thomas’s sides seated on the far end of the couch. The side’s appearance absolutely radiated “stereotypical villain” with the bowler hat, capelet, and yellow gloves- but Nico couldn’t help but be reminded of Crowley due to the scales on half his face and the piercing yellow snake eye. And he wasn’t sure why, but something in the way the side regarded Nico made him flush ever so slightly.

“Janus…” Thomas trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he felt a headache coming on.

“Now Thomas, we could be avoiding this guilt if we had just pirated the show like I insisted. But instead, we’re kissing up to-” the side- Janus- started, but was cut off by Thomas.

“There are… good points to what each of you are saying. But like I said before, there is no ethical consumption under capitalism. If we spent our time trying to debate the moral standards of each and every piece of media we consume- well, we wouldn’t really have anything to consume. And that doesn’t mean we should outright ignore things like a company treating their workers terribly, but we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over something that isn’t in the realm of our immediate control either. Instead, what we can do is sign petitions and look into how else we can support underpaid and overworked workers. Besides, Good Omens is arguably queer, Neil Gaiman himself has made that pretty clear. We don’t get much of that,” Nico pointed out. Thomas and Janus seemed to ponder this for a moment or two, until Janus’s face broke into a sly grin that definitely had Nico blushing.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But pirating makes Virgil freak out cause what if I end up getting a virus when I download the show from a sketchy website and then all my data gets stolen, and then-” Thomas rambled, before Janus butted in.

“And Patton prattles on about how pirating is stealing, and stealing is wrong- but tell me, stealing from a corrupt company makes a right, don’t you think?” Janus said, gaze flicking to Nico for confirmation.

“I think I underestimated you, Mr. Flores,” Janus purred, and Nico’s face was absolutely burning at this point.

“And I thought Roman was handsome and charming,” Nico said in a strangled whisper, not really meaning to say what he was thinking out loud, but was glad he did when the human side of Janus’s face turned a bright red.

“I- erm. That’s- whatever,” Janus scoffed, examining his gloves in an excuse to not meet Nico’s gaze.

“Y’know, that’s impressive. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him speechless,” Thomas commented dryly. Janus merely hissed at Thomas in reply, and Nico couldn’t help but giggle.

“Well what I think is impressive is that you have a snakey crime side,” Nico said between laughs.

“Flatterer,” Janus accused, although he was absolutely preening at Nico’s comment.

“Maybe I just think my boyfriend and his sides deserve to be flattered,” Nico replied with a shrug. Thomas let out a flustered giggle, and Janus’s human side of his face was quickly turning red again.

“Well, obviously he does. I knew that,” Janus said, trying (and failing) to seem aloof.

“The flattering also includes you here, Janus,” Nico said with a chuckle.

“Really? Oh, I’m not sure about that,” he replied, smiling coyly. Nico grinned wickedly, and Thomas glanced between Nico and Janus in a mix of mild confusion and intrigue.

“Then I’m sure you’d absolutely hate to hear that I find you incredibly stunning,” Nico purred.

“Careful there, angel- lest you fall prey to the snake in the garden,” Janus replied with a grin, flashing fangs that Nico was pretty sure weren’t there before. His brain was a little too busy re-playing the way Janus had purred “angel” on loop to actually remember.

“Speaking of snakes in gardens and angels- are we ever going to get around to watching Good Omens today or not?” Thomas asked with a chuckle.

“In a minute! I haven’t figured out which one of your sides Janus is yet,” Nico protested, shaking off his flusteredness to regard Janus with a curious eye.

“Oh please, as if you could ever unravel the marvelous mystery that is-”

“Let’s see, sneaky, snarky, dramatic, cunning, wants to encourage Thomas to commit minor crimes… anything else I’m missing?” Nico asked, cutting Janus off.

“... you forgot s-s-snakey,” Janus pouted. Nico broke into giggles at the sudden shift in Janus’s demeanor.

“Right, you’re right, sorry. So… you’re his… trickery and cunning side?” Nico tried. Janus pondered his answer for a moment or two, before he broke into a pleased grin.

“Well, I do encompass those things as well, I suppose. So I’ll give it to you- but formally, I am Thomas’s Deceit,” he said, tipping his hat to Nico.

“Pleasure to meet you, Deceit. Well, with that settled, we can watch Good Omens now!” Nico said, patting the spot on the couch next to him. Janus looked surprised for a moment or two before he shook it off and his expression was back to smug indifference.

“Well, I suppose I can be tempted to stay,” Janus said, sinking out for a moment before reappearing next to Nico. After setting the popcorn on the coffee table first, Nico grabbed one of Janus’s hands to pull him into the cuddling he and Thomas were currently engaged in.

“Hey, you’re just letting him stay cause you want double the cuddles!” Thomas teased.

“What makes you say that?” Nico asked as he wrapped an arm around Janus- while more arms than were normal for a human being wrapped themselves around Nico.

“Don’t lie to a liar, darling,” Janus crooned as he snuggled himself into Nico’s chest. Thomas rolled his eyes fondly, and with his lingering guilt about Amazon aside, the three of them settled in to watch Good Omens.

-

Thomas and Nico were on a walk in a park nearby Thomas’s place, holding hands and swinging them idly between them every once and a while. Every now and then Nico would catch Thomas giving him an incredibly sappy look- but really, Nico couldn’t blame him. After all, he was sure his own expression was as equally lovestruck.

“So, have I met all of your sides yet?” Nico asked, the question meant to be casual, but he was surprised when Thomas’s face twisted with concern and mild guilt.

“Well… you’ve met all the ones I’ve met. There’s still other parts of me that I have yet to confront,” Thomas said with a sigh.

“That’s okay! Learning about yourself is an ongoing process! And to put you at ease, there isn’t a part of you that I’ve met that I don’t love,” Nico said with an unabashedly adoring smile. This admission halted Thomas in his tracks, and he looked to Nico with wide eyes.

“Really?” he asked softly.

“Really,” Nico murmured, pulling Thomas into a kiss. Thomas made an elated sound against his mouth, holding Nico close as they kissed. When the kiss broke, he didn’t go very far, leaning his forehead against Nico’s.

“I love you too, you know,” Thomas said sheepishly.

“I know,” Nico replied with a grin, then gave Thomas another quick kiss before pulling away. He grabbed Thomas’s hand again, and the two of them continued their walk, hopelessly in love with every single part of the other.

-

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