#it feels like I only became self aware in late highschool and that I realized everyone else was having thoughts and realized I was behind..

[dazzelmethat]

In my story all monsters were at one time natural or human and have lost that humanity. If a scientist could turn a plant into a person (homunculi) then anyone can turn back into a person. Personhood is spread as a cure to the supernatural like a viral infection.

This comic is quasi-personal though. It is through the eyes of Ame but also includes some of my own autistic emotional worries. Of progress, discipline, embarrassment of the past self and fear that discipline is the only thing holding you together. 

[nissakii]

5 sad truths that made Horimiya so relatable [spoilers!]

Horimiya has ended but not the feelings that the winter season left behind for us.

As Horimiya has been a topic lately on our blog with Nissa’s quote analysis and one of my latest breakfast anime reviews, this time we are going to look how the anime actually impacted us.

The anime which did really well and gave us a refreshing and out of the ordinary romance story compared to other series, had a lot more to give than simple romantic relationships and wholesome moments.

Why is Horimiya so relatable?

Why does it differ from other anime in this aspect especially considering relationships and romance?

In today’s blogpost we will cover those questions, with 5 sad truths that made Horimiya so relatable.

Please be aware that this post will contain spoiler, read at your own risk.

1. Hiding a part of yourself

With the first sad truth we shall start and it’s something we also see in the very beginning of the anime, actually it is the whole start of the plot and how it unfolds.

As we see, especially our two main characters have a drastic change in behaviour, in Miyamura’s case even appearance, when they are both alone. None of them want other people to know about their other side.

We see why they do not want that secret to be exposed, with each character having a justified reason.

And not only Hori or Miyamura, also Yoshikawa, Ishikawa, Remi, Sengoku and most other characters in the series are hiding a part of themselves which makes you wonder what would they think if they ever saw this side of me?

In Yoshikawa’s case when she was obviously jealous as Kono made her romantic approach on Ishikawa, realizing most of the things she wants but does not speak out loud are not in her grasp and if she decides that she wants something it is already gone. Not her jealous feelings seem like a different side, since every human has those feelings which are normal if treated in a proper way but also the way Yoshikawa acted out those feelings as she herself mentioned that she was disgusted by herself doing things behind the scenes to avoid that Kono would come closer to Ishikawa, a side that only she knows since she hides those feelings deep inside of her. Nobody would have known that she hid the fact that she wasn’t actually dating Ishikawa or that she purposely said mean things in that sense, since the Yoshikawa everyone knows is energetic and happy-go-lucky.

But it’s not limited to Yoshikawa, beside the main characters we also have Sengoku who is also hiding his cowardly self, scared of most things and not as amazing as he seems to be. A side that only Remi knows and secretly loves about him as she mentioned that he started to change toward the end of the anime but that she loves both the new and old Sengoku, yet he tries to be much more manlier and strong for Remi without Remi asking for it.

The latter also hides many things she could have said to Sengoku, many of her feelings and the way she acts when alone or around Sengoku and Kono, who knew her for a long time now look past her cute and happy act, Remi is a very smart and observant person who is not unaware of the things happening around her it is quite the opposite in fact.

All of those characters have a side they do not want to expose, as it is human nature that we adapt to the environment around us and put on the facade or personality we need to distinguish between work, school, friends, family and more.

The sad reality is that sometimes we even lie to those around us, those who are close and maybe like Remi or Yoshikawa just cannot express the true feelings that we are desperately hiding inside of us waiting for somebody to notice, that is hiding a little part of yourself that nobody shall ever see.

2. The past that haunts

It is nothing new to hear that we should leave the past behind us and just focus on the future ahead, or use the past to learn from it and correct our mistakes to step into a new light.

But that is easier said than done and that very example is represented in two characters especially: Miyamura and Tanihara.

Apart from their connection and the past they

overcame becoming closer, leaving their dispute behind there is still a conflict that each of them are fighting on their own respectively.

Miyamura, whose present self is no longer the same as he was in middle-school, learned how to interact with those around him, considering people as friends and even getting himself a girlfriend who he cherishes dearly as she does the same in return. Still there is never an episode where he doesn’t think back of the past or get anxious about it, even in the opening we see the correlation of Miyamura’s past haunting him until his graduation day of highschool, obstructing him to be truly happy despite the fact he overcame the difficulties and made friends with Tanihara who was one of his problems in middle-school as well.

Nissa wrote a whole analysis on that, if you are interested check it out, I won’t go much deeper into that topic here.

We also have Tanihara who seemed to hate Miyamura, but we also see that he is not just living his life as if nothing happened but still let’s the past replay in his head. He used to bully Miyamura and tried to continue that when he saw him in highschool as he was walking with Hori but due to some events both of them became more involved and started to hang out as friends after talking it out. Tanihara still used to dream about the incident that happened in middle-school and was even frustrated why he was actually bullying Miyamura in the first place as he simply didn’t like him for no apparent reason. He is aware that the things he did to Miyamura were in no way justified and doesn’t know where to start to redeem himself, or how he should apologize to him causing him to have nightmares and being scared to encounter Miyamura in some cases (also due to seeing Hori being a threat he considers both of them dangerous).

In our lives we cannot always do things right, leading us to mistakes towards ourselves but also towards others. Sometimes other people can forgive what we cannot forgive ourselves, as the past is nothing that can be overcome overnight. We struggle with ourselves to become a better person in the future.

But simply letting the past go even when we are now at a better place, Miyamura and Tanihara show us, it’s not that easy to just pretend the past never happened.

3. To be liked is a matter of heart

Another thing that we often experience in our lives is that no matter how good or nice we are, people simply cannot fall in love with us, or like us in a way or another.

Winning someone’s heart can take some time, but in some cases no matter how hard we try it just doesn’t spark or click.

“A matter of heart”, as we can say since some things cannot be solved by logic or forcing kindness on a person.

In Horimiya again this parallel is represented by Kono Sakura, who has a crush on Ishikawa after an encounter.

Kono being a quiet, cute, reserved and responsible person who cares dearly about the people around her is in no way not appealing, on the contrary even Sengoku mentioned that the ones who rejected her was simply dumb/blind to not see the good qualities in her.

But Ishikawa as well who used to like Hori for a very long time was rejected by her not because he was someone bad, but since she was simply not interested in him romantically while as friends she also cherishes him dearly.

As Kono started her pursuit of giving Ishikawa sweets and becoming more bold when it came to her indicating her feelings for him, at the same time Yoshikawa and Ishikawa started to become more aware of their own feelings for each other.

With Kono still being adamant to confess her feelings, being true to herself and make it clear that she likes Ishikawa, Ishikawa himself mentions that she is a nice girl, she is good in baking and more compared to Yoshikawa, but the one he is interested in in the end is Yoshikawa.

Sometimes we cannot help who we love and like, and sometimes even when we dislike someone but cannot grasp why despite trying our best to like them it’s still a matter of heart and feeling who we like.

No matter if one person seems like the better choice in other people’s eyes.

4. Loneliness is a hidden pain

Loneliness is a big topic in Horimiya, even visually we see that feeling being represented with colors and auditory with a representative sound.

A feeling so familiar yet strange, a feeling that every human experienced at least once in their life.

But despite loneliness that can be detected in some cases most of the time people struggle with it deep inside nobody aware of the hidden pain tugging inside.

We get to see a variation of loneliness that the characters carry with them.

Hori being the oldest sibling and with her parents always away due to work, grew up becoming rather independent and relying on herself. When she fell ill for the first time we get to see her vulnerable side as she was struggling with that deep-rooted loneliness since her childhood, when her parents didn’t even give her the special time back then so for her it was common to be alone until Miyamura was there for her and suddenly the loneliness that she subconsciously tried to push away gushed out of her.

With Miyamura we have someone who was lonely from the very start, not in a sense like Hori was since she still had friends who surrounded her but Miyamura didn’t have anyone around. The feeling of loneliness was so familiar to him that he never considered what it would feel like to have many people around before meeting Hori, as Shindou was his only friend in middle-school and they aren’t able to meet that frequently since they attend different highschools. Miyamura struggled with constant loneliness and even deceived himself that it wouldn’t bother him anymore if he was alone or not but in the end all along deep inside he knew that it was.

Additionally we have Kono who hangs out a lot with Remi and Sengoku due to the student council yet feels like she is always left out in a sense, may it be due to them being a couple or just generally when they ask her for advice as she feels like that’s the only thing she is good for.

Speaking of the student council, the former problem with Remi hiding her true feelings, we can see that there is a sense of loneliness as well, as she sees Sengoku slowly changing despite her liking him the way he was even with his little flaws. When she narrates the way they met and that she was fond of him, she doesn’t seem to give off the feeling of a sweet everlasting romance that started from that point, but rather talking nostalgically and with a hint of missing the old Sengoku she fell in love with.

Last but not least we have Honoka who appears to hate Miyamura in the beginning but we get to see that he reminds her of her deceased brother. Coping with the death of her brother who used to get along with her very well, the strong underclassman of Hori and Miyamura is fighting with the loneliness of having lost someone very dear to her as she sees Miyamura every day resembling that very person.

Loneliness cannot be simply defined and is a complex feeling as we can see in those characters that we have a variety of that feeling and most of them represent someone out there who may have experienced the same, making us think which of this loneliness is my own?

5. Communication is hard

With the last and obvious sad truth we see that one of the things we probably do often in our daily lives but still struggle with it the most is communication.

Each human is individual and different, we may share similarities some more than others but in the end we communicate with each. May it be through words, gestures, letters, chats and so on we are always connected in a way.

Still it always happens that no matter how hard we try, there are misunderstandings and we often conclude after a dispute or later on when we re-analyse the problem, there was a lack in communication or miscommunication.

In Horimiya especially in the beginning where Miyamura and Hori start to see each other more often we see from a viewer standpoint that both of them enjoy each other’s presence yet each of them thinks about the possible concerns and outcomes of problems that could occur.

In some cases there are incidents that could have been solved if someone would have just started explaining or maybe the other one trying to resolve the matter by speaking up, but just like in real life we humans tend to make assumptions about what the other person probably could think instead of asking them directly in most cases, or we are afraid to know.

Hori for example thinks it is obvious that she likes to be around Miyamura while Miyamura thinks she is probably pitying him and at some point they won’t meet anymore. That again results in Hori thinking that Miyamura may see her as pushy and therefore she doesn’t want to force him to do things with her in the beginning and Miyamura thinks again she is getting tired of him.

If neither of them would have spoken up this would have continued despite that both of them shared the same thought of wanting to stay with the other person.

We also get to see that with Yoshikawa and Ishikawa.

Even with Yanagi when he confessed to Yoshikawa, if it wasn’t for him clearing the misunderstandings that he caused most of the characters would have had the wrong impression of him and Yoshikawa would have thought he wasn’t serious about the confession he made in the beginning.

Same goes for Remi who tends to say things in a round-about-way, which mostly Kono or Sengoku need to clear up so other people wouldn’t misunderstand her actual good intentions.

Sometimes talking about a matter a bit longer than needed can resolve it than letting it sit in our heads and becoming a far worse misunderstanding. Often we get into disputes, discussions or become angry but in the end the longer we try to get across that what we really mean (if we mean well of course there are always people who mean harm as well), and try to make the other person aware of that what made us act or talk the way we do, the easier it becomes in the future to resolve matters just like Hori and Miyamura became much better in understanding each other towards the end of the series.

What do you think made Horimiya relatable for you?

Leave a comment and let us know!

Until then, spring started again…

Makii

[franeridart]

Did you know @boku-no-headcanons made cannons for your bakushimanari art?

Nope, this is the first I heard of it! But as long as they’re not reposting my stuff they can do whatever, I’m happy my stuff can inspire them! 

Anon said: saw u in youtube rewind congrats

.................. are you sure this ask was meant for me?

Anon said:I tried to message you, I found some accounts using your art if you're interested in knowing who they are :/ 

Anon said:@sweetheart_kirishima on instagram posted your art without credit.

Unless it’s tumblr, which has a form I can fill specifically for reposts to have the thing taken down, I can’t actually do anything even if you guys tell me. It’s... frustrating, cause you’d think by this point such popular social media sites/apps would have some way for preventing art thefts, but they got no report option that can be used for art unless I’m the copyright owner - does that apply to fanarts when the characters aren’t mine and I wasn’t authorized by the original author to make them? Probably not. So I can’t do anything for it, not even ask the reposter to be kind and take my art down, cause as I’ve already said I’m not on any of those platforms

So I thank you both a lot for having thought about letting me know, but it’s... sort of useless. If you could ask the reposter on my behalf though I’d be incredibly grateful!

Anon said: your kiribaku childhood friends au give me life tHANK YOU

YOU’RE WELCOME THANK YOU FOR LIKING IT!!!

Anon said: Kiri kind of reminds me of Dave with his hair like that! (They would look great together now i think about it haha) I love you and your art, I hope you enjoy creating it as much as i like to look at it :) xx

Thank you!!!!! And yeah, the mohawk is still a mohawk after all isn’t it haha Dav’s is less tidy tho, cause he’s a s l o b (not really)

Anon said:yknow how people have hunkspirations to get fit? your art is my hunkspiration to draw

That’s so nice!!! holy smokes!!!!! I hope your arting is going great, anon!!! <3

Anon said:the new chapter has me crying over bakukami omfg these lo s e RS I'm so glad they're friends

WHAT A MOOD THO

Anon said:HELLO, YES, I'D LIKE MY HEART BACK PLEASE BECAUSE YOU JUST WRECKED IT WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU. Kiri is so pretty in it, like oh wow, and Bakugou's brilliant and I LOVE IT. (Also 'manly shit' and 'Katsu,' just slay me now so this happiness never fades).

Ahhhhhh I’m happy you liked it!!!!!!!! And yah Kiri calling Bakugou Katsu is a weakness of mine, did you know that? Maybe you noticed since I always have him do that haha it’s cause it’s written with the kanji for victory! Isn’t that a manly nickname? I like to think Kiri would like it for that haha

Anon said: I love how often (from reading the tags on your art) it's like "oops my hand slipped and now you get some krbk instead of something else" lol

It does happen incredibly often! By now they’re so comfortable to draw for me that I end up drawing them without even realizing haha that’s what happens when you spend a year and a half drawing always the same two kids lol

Anon said:Ah Fran I love your glasses Bakugou so much! Ever since Kami added those shades to his hero costume it has me convinced he'd be so ridiculously cute in glasses too! I hope you enjoy that adorable mental image :)

You mean Kami? He sure would! Kiri would too! Sero also!!! MINA TOO!!!!! Actually we have canon Mina with glasses I think

yup, what a beauty haha

Anon said:Your kiribaku childhood AU killed me! I just wanted to ask: in your opinion if Kiri&Baku met in middle school do you think they’d be friends? Baku has a habit of rejecting anyone who’s “weaker” than him &seeing how kiri was do you think they’d be friends? Or Baku not noticing kiri until he’s his equal?Or maybe having a crush on the cute black haired kid but never doing anything about it? Baku Rejecting kiri if he tried to confess to him?Sorry this is long but I just love your perception of them!

Whether they’d like each other/get along would depends on at which point and in which way they’d meet, I guess! Middle school was a complicated period for both of them, so it really depends - a few examples of how it could go are

they meet cause they frequent the same middle school - that implies they meet during the first year, when Bakugou was still full on bully/cocky asshole. Kirishima probably wouldn’t like him much because of it, would try to fight him. Bakugou might find him annoying/get pissed at how he thinks himself good enough to fight him. Definitely wouldn’t get along at first, might change their minds as they get to know each other or just keep on having a shitty relationship forever. I find more beliavable the first, since they do have really compatible personalities, but Bakugou was really convinced of his position as above everyone else back then and Kirishima would have never let him act like he was better than him without putting up a fight, so maybe not. Might actually fuck up their relationship in highschool too, really

they frequent different middle school, but happen to see each other outside of school before the sludge incident - if they were to meet cause Kirishima got in the middle of Bakugou bullying Deku, not much would change from option one. But if they were to meet for unrelated reasons, they could get along - Kirishima might think Bakugou manly, Bakugou might appreciate Kirishima’s guts (as long as Kiri doesn’t try to fight him). At first the relationship would definitely be unbalanced, because Kirishima would have no way of proving to Bakugou he’s at his same level since he wouldn’t be, but with time this might change. I can see Kirishima throwing himself at random bullies and Bakugou sighing and sometimes waiting for Kirishima to get his ass beat so maybe he’ll learn while other times lazily strolling up till he’s standing next to Kirishima to scare the bullies away. Bakugou’s... Bakugouness might do something to Kirishima’s self-esteem and could have him have his breakdown sooner, but by that point Bakugou might like him enough to do something about it. Or not. He’s still a cocky and self-centered ass at this point, after all. Kirishima’s presence might help with his bullying habit. Or not. Again, still an egoistical and egocentrical fucker at that point. Worse comes to worst, their relationship starts becoming more equal after the sludge incident/kiri seeing gigantomachia

they frequent different middle schools, but meet outside of school after the sludge incident but before kiri sees gigantomachia - this is probably my favorite one as far as them meeting in middle school goes. Bakugou at this point is questioning if he’s actually as strong as he always assumed he was, starting to feel like he needs to prove his worth to the world and himself, while Kirishima is still convinced he’s plain and weak, too scared to actually voice his dreams, but still tries to do his best and help those in need in front of him. If they were to meet at this point, Bakugou might actually find something to admire in Kirishima, find strength in him even - with the down-to-earth optimism and practical positivity, aware of reality but working to fix what he can, not letting circumstances and defeats bring him down. It might help Bakugou put into perspective the sludge incident, instead of just dwelling on it till it became a bomb ready to explode. Kiri would find Bakugou manly and cool, just like in canon, and they’d be able to build a relationship on equal grounds - Kirishima might even open up to him about how he wishes to try for UA, but he’s nearly sure he’s gonna fail. Bakugou might tell him that as he is right now he’s gonna fail for sure. He might also tell him that a quirk is like a muscle, and muscles get stronger if you train them, so just fucking stop wasting time and train yourself till your quirk is worth something, for fuck sake. By the time the event of Kiri’s backstory roll around, Bakugou might actually be there to hold Kirishima up and not let him go through it by himself. I dunno about crushes, but I do love this scenario and the relationship they’d end up having because of it

they frequent different schools, meet after Kirishima’s meeting with gigantomachia - there wouldn’t be many differences compared to the canon version of their meeting, I think. Bakugou might be a little more subdued, maybe, but generally it’d be the same.

these are just real general cathegories, depending on how the meeting unfolds anything might happen so really, who knows - there’s too many possibilities to be sure of anything, really haha

Anon said:fran ur art its so cute ty for posting it!!! also i just wanna say i think your art has improved so much since i started to follow you!! the first drawings of yours i saw were your old aokaga and i think really youve improved a lot!! (not that you were bad at first but your style has evolved?? idk a good word for it but its not meant as a Bad thing)

Lmao no anon, don’t worry, I was really, really bad back then. It was like, super terrible. I’m glad you think I’ve improved though!!!! This sort of asks mean a whole damn lot to me, make it worth keeping on drawing haha thank you!!

Anon said:i gotta admit, after checking out sero's quirk i can only think: pranks. esp with the double-sided tape trick

Have you ever seen this comic holy fuck hahaha

Anon said:i read that fic by newamsterdam a while back and can't stop thinking about it!!!!

Best fic I’m following at the moment honestly!!! <3<3

Anon said:Hi I love your art! It's absolutely amazing and your comics are SO cute!! I hope you have a wonderful day!~

THANK YOU!!!! I hope you’ll have a super wonderful day too!!!! <3

Anon said:your kirbaku/bakushima is just so nice and lovely??? and your art style is great adorable??? gdfljwblk thenks for mi life

You’re SO SWEET!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *holds*

Anon said:The line work in your drawings lately is looking even smoother and more refined than before! :)

.....................I actually feel like I’m getting super effin sloppy so??? I guess hearing this feels good???? Like oh I’m not actually as much of a mess as I thought haha thank you for the compliment!!!! :D

Anon said:Do you think Bakugou would ever say babe or other sweet nicknames?

Yah I think so. Like, not all nicknames, like “honey” probably never or “sweetheart” highly umprobable, but babe or gorgeous/handsome/beautiful or love, I can see him using those! Mostly cause Mitsuki’s personality was obviously based on Bakugou and she calls Masaru “dear”, so I think Bakugou does have the... predisposition for it, let’s say it like that haha he might more whisper them/keep them private, but I do think he’d use them~

Anon said:You're so good at emitting moods/vibes through your art?? Like, every single time you just... Idk what kind of magic you... I love you??? You turn me to putty Fran.

sob this is such a nice ask oh my god, thank you so much!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3

Anon said:Everytime I see your art on my dash it makes me smile, there's something inherently cheerful about your art style. Love it <3

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! That’s the best think I could have ever been told about my style, I’m super glad you see it like this!!!! 

Anon said:omg you don't understand how much i love your art !!! i mean i check you blog everyday to see if you posted something and when you do i'm always so happy, it put me in a good mood everytime i don't know how you do it but i love it !!!! also the way you draw smiles is so cute :D

THANK YOU LOTS OH MY GOD!!!!!! AHHH!!!! making people smile is the best thing ever!!! I’m!!!!!!!!!! happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D now I’m smiling hahaha

Anon said:how does... is... clothing folds?!?!

B o y anon I’m terribly sorry but........... the horrible secret is that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when I draw clothes’ folds. Like, at all. All I keep in mind while going at it is that gravity is a thing and clothes are affected by it too, and that’s about it ;;; I’m incredibly sorry, but I’m pretty sure someone that actually knows what they’re doing would look at my stuff and see a lot of mistakes, so maybe it’s best if I don’t give tips about this to anyone, least I spread more misinformation than anything else orz I’m sure there’s good tutorials for it around, tho!!

Anon said:Will we ever see more comics of the poly au with bokuto, kuroo and terushima? I binged those comics and LOVED it

Probably not, sorry orz posting for hq lately is... making me sad, in the long run, so hq comics might not come around for a long time, from me. Too much time I should spend on them. Dunno about simple art tho, it’s a maybe for that! And thank you for liking the series!!!! <3

Anon said:As soon as I saw u added the kekkai sensen art sticker to redbubble I bought it omg bless 💕

THANK YOU SO MUCH HOLY HECK!!!!

Anon said:any chance we could expect more of kirishima's shy senpai? absolutely no pressure! i'm honestly just curious since you seemed fond of him a while back. :)

And I still am! I’ll for sure draw more of him soon enough, don’t worry!

Anon said:I'm sooo sad :'( I wanted to buy a mobile case from you but it's just for iPhone.... I love you art so much *-*

There’s for both iPhones and Samsung, actually! But if you have another brand then it’s no good ;;; sorry ;;;;;;;;;;;;

[hypoetics]

Hmmm, ive been feeling downtrodden this past year and some change now

Infamous for my short comings it feels

Its never really been positive per say...

My mother had an unconventional upbringing being the child of a 16 year old in the late 70s of new orleans of louisiana

So she was rasied by her great grandma and her daughter

And those guys made it through THE great depression

So...it different

Never the less not very supportive

...she never learned to love in those ways

She probably took a lot of her anger she had about men on me when i was younger

Cant blame her i guess(literally...its to late)

She never wanted me to be anything other than a military man(i was born on a military base in watertien, ny)

And kind if put herself in denial about my sister being who they were

Amd i can literally count on my hand and the amount if times ive seen my dad since 2008

I never had a support structure

I was always the kne spuring other on

I live that shit

Taught my best friend to dance

Me and my highschool gf devolved into an old married couple before i knew it

Extended family has stolen from me, thrown me away, or never knew i existed

I like to think i was losing my mind when i ran away...

I couldnt even bring myself to ask anyone for help i felt so worthless

I could have pleaded...

But i didnt

Became a second class citizen when i went back to pick some stuff up from a friend and found out he tossed my social and birth cert into the trash, along with whatever else...his mom didnt think i was very thank for that one night of kindness they gave me

I spent a while after that sleeping where i felt safe, the back of empty dumpster, playgrounds, running tracks, unfinished houses

Before i met a friend outside of a smoke shop

It was great, i was working at freebirds at the time and i ended up staying with them for a while

I fell head over heels for someone so hard one night on acid

She was reciting the chocolate bit from spongebob

PERFECTLY

and it sent me to thr moon lmao

I was playing fez on the laptop underneath the playground we were hanging at

And everything felt right for a while

Before i realized im living in a drug den, looked like trash, and it was my first time doing drugs like these

Its what tributed to my last relationship going belly up to

We had a few moments

Lol there was this one time i was playing music before she got off and this one song by coiyuki that chanted "i love you" for kike 30secs started playing

And i reacted lol

Nothing was even happening and i just felt embarrased

There was another time i called her to let me into the store so we could talk before she got off...she couldnt so we sat on the floor on either side of the door for a little bit

She was definitely the one that got away

We both played uke, had great assests...idk we just fit together

She's the only person ive ever drawn something for with my emotions and given it too

I can only hope its still on her wall

We ended up going our separate ways after i had gotten further into drugs

She had some success on stage with her instrument

And honestly the most beautiful soul ive ever had the pleasure of meeting

Last time i checked she's deeply in lesbians with someone

And thats cool, as long as shes happy ya know

I dont talk about things i was doing while i was an addict though

Although for the most part i was still just as rad i usually...just fucking warped

But its nothing i want to brag...let alone talk about

But it wasnt pretty

A bunch of boys addicted to drugs is not a healthy situation at all

I dont even remember eating...

After that went belly up i had a friend take me in

And basicly allowed him to treat me however

Not that he was a terrible person or anything

I just let him be dominant over me for the sske of a place to stay

Which now that im coming back into my stride

Gave me some submissive habits that are gonna be tough to break healthily with the way my presence makes others feel

We had a common trauma that we bonded over

Which one one hand is the reason i think of that one chick from high school they i do still...

Basicly his live went unrequited

And mine well...idk

I just wanted to try and fix it for him

But long story short he wasnt capable

Same with me

I mean wheat done is done and everything is in the place it settled in

But watching someone go from the happy go lucky young adult

To regressing to the mind set he was in when he was happy with this person thinking she stilled liked him

Its either he realized she never did or he doesnt want to go back.

But it fucked me up

Which left me to want her more over the years

Because she's the only one i was aware of then that could without a doubt make me happy

Going against me cultivating a sense if self worth after the way that relationship ended, being disowned by my granddad iver some mail order whore, and being labeled as an undesirable in the community i was living in after some drug shenanigans everyone around me was involved in

I chalk it up to something to fixate on these days

But idk i hope im able to keep that person in my life forever

Even if our paths are diverging

I dont think i would have made it without him

After all that bs the house i was living in after moving out of there for a while

Although i did cuck my landlord on the couch after a party once

I wasnt even fucking the same

It was my first time with someone that moaned

And it was so hot at first, but she was so loud, the first time she would have woken up my land lord, the second time the door was broken to the garage and therr was a room full of people just on the other side, and the third time a house of people called me a rapist.

Which scared the shit out of me

Thinking back i should have just covered he mouth or told her to stfu you or something...would have been hot...so hot

But thay really messed with thr way i deal with women now....

Led me to not trust a lot of situations

And im hoooot so i should...:(

Idk :/

Basicly disappeared for s while after that

Had a couple good semesters at college

Which left me feeling on top of the world with an art bubble ready to pop

And then the world went to shit and i decided to do some cocky shit i regretted for a little bit but like...time and shit ya know

Oh yeah and obligatorily being ostracized from my community because i have different tastes in life style...that never gets old

Idk...i feel like the worst is finally over with

[multicolouredtw]

The Little Game of Hearts (Part 2/2)

Requested by anon:  Hey can I request an Isaac/Theo story where the FemaleC is part of the pack and she had this friends with benefits thing going on with Theo during season5 but obviously there were also feelings involved. And after everything went down with Theo and the Dread Doctors, Isaac showed up with Chris to finish his senior year. Theo comes back season 6,FC and Isaac are only friends but at this party she kisses him in front of Theo so he gets the clue that she’s done with him-that as the background

A/N: Finally, here is the second part! This one is about Isaac coming back, the friendship developing and the confrontation with Theo after he came back. You can find Part 1 here: x. I hope you all enjoy, I had a lot of fun writing this!

Yes, Isaac Lahey came back to Beacon Hills. But with the two of you, it wasn’t necessarily friendship at first sight. To you, he was just another new guy and you decided that you would never trust those again. Never let them close to you or believe a word that came out of their mouths. You definitely were bitter but you couldn’t leave that part of you behind at that point. So you didn’t welcome Isaac in any nice way and you really didn’t make it easy for him to like you.

It was a constant bickering between you that drove the rest of the pack crazy. Whenever he expressed an idea at pack meetings, you argued against it and tried to find something fishy about it. You avoided him, reacted annoyed whenever he was around and fighting him was your favourite way to blow off steam. You couldn’t help but afflict him with the mistrust that Theo would’ve deserved. You saw Theo in him although Isaac wasn’t really like him. There were just a few similarities that sufficed, like the smug attitude, the confident demeanour (although it wasn’t as natural with Isaac), and the acting like he didn’t care what everybody else thought about him. In the first few weeks that was all that you noticed about him.

And then stuff happened. Even with Theo gone everything turned chaotic once again and you needed each other like never before. That was when something clicked inside of you. When you realized the most important fact about Isaac Lahey: he was loyal. He looked up at Scott, he trusted Scott, he did whatever was needed to protect him and his pack. Even you, although you had been a total asshole to him, simply because you were Scott’s friend. He would never betray him, which meant that he would never betray you.

That was the moment you realized that you had judged him wrong and that not everybody deserved to be treated like Theo. You had to admit to yourself that you projected the pain Theo had caused you onto him and it wasn’t right. And that you would only keep Theo’s betrayal alive by doing so and not pulling yourself together. You really had to try to live your life like he had never been a part of it.

It wasn’t easy but you made yourself apologize to Isaac. After that it turned out that the two of you were actually a pretty good team. He was a lot better at forgiving than you were and although he never stopped teasing you about your mean side, you became friends. Once you let him see the real you and opened up to him, you grew close. It was the weirdest thing ever but it made you love it even more.

All of that brings you to the angsty situation you are in now. Liam freed him. Theo was back. How are you supposed to act like he never existed when he’s back, roaming around in Beacon Hills? The others never learned about the little thing you had going on with him and therefore will never understand why you are reacting so stressed about this. That’s why you literally fled from any pack action, anything that could bring you close to him, and are now sitting in your living room with Isaac, going through some papers to do research that isn’t making any sense at all. You can’t even concentrate long enough to read a single line. It’s boiling inside of you and you are so agitated that you must reek to a werewolf.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”, Isaac asks after a while and as you look up, you realize that he has been observing you the whole time. Damn those werewolf senses! You really need to find some human friends. While you look into his blue eyes, you feel yourself getting defensive quite automatically.

“Well, everything obviously”, you grumble, lowering your head so you don’t have to face him. “This town is going to hell and now Theo Raeken is back. I just hate that guy.”

“Because he made Liam kill Scott”, Isaac mused, still staring at you attentively. A little too attentively for your taste.

“Exactly”, you mumble and you feel bad because that really should be the reason but your true one is so much more egoistic and self-centred.

Isaac clears his throat awkwardly, then keeps silent again and it’s so obvious to you that he wants to say something but isn’t sure if he should. Finally he pulls himself together and blurts out: “Okay, that was a lie. Why do you really hate him?”

Of course he heard it. You sigh heavily, put the paper away and lean back in the sofa. Since Liam decided to resurrect your ex-whatever, you’re awfully tired. You take your time with the answer, rub your temples and try to get your emotions under control. Lying to him is not an option, therefore you decide to give him part of the truth. Not the whole story, though, you’re still too ashamed of that.

“It’s complicated, okay? It was just…we were a little closer than the rest of the pack…friends and stuff…so his betrayal hit me pretty hard and I honestly never want to see him again.”

“You had sex with him”, Isaac states drily.

You whirl around and stare at him in shock. He tries to stay serious but a little smirk tugs on his lips already.

“What?! No I hadn’t!”

“Yes you had. It’s written all over your face.”

When did he become such a mind reader? You could keep up the play but by now the heat is creeping into your cheeks and you know you lost. He really got to know you too well. The weird thing is: while you’re still feeling embarrassed about your mistake, it is actually a little freeing that you told someone about it. That it’s out there at last.

“Aright, yes. We had this thing without liabilities going on and I really thought I could trust him. And I was stupid enough to kinda fall for him, so after he turned out to be a total asshole, I was crushed. I got bitter, I hated everything and I tortured you for something somebody else did.”

“Ah, so that’s why you were such a bitch to me!”, Isaac realizes matter of factly.

You shoot him a glare. “Yes. You first-hand experienced the monster he created. I can’t have that again. I can’t deal with him. Since he came back, I constantly remember our last conversation and how he made me feel like the dumbest, most naïve girl on earth. And like I wasn’t good enough.”

You feel the weight of the truth of your words overcome you once again and you swallow hard, looking down at your hands because watching Isaac’s playful expression turning more sympathetic by the second makes it even harder. You can see Theo’s stern face in front of you just as the day he dumbed you in that forest. And you remember the heartache.

“Honestly, Isaac, I don’t know what to do”, you admit weakly, feeling horribly vulnerable. Something you wanted to prevent under any circumstances.

Isaac observes you for a second, then doesn’t hesitate to get up from his spot and sit down next to you, putting an arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer. You rest your head against his chest, breathe in his scent and sense yourself relax almost momentarily while you listen to his steady heartbeat. It’s the first time someone comforts you about this and it feels good.

“Okay, Y/N, first of all: I already know that Theo guy is an idiot but if he dumbed you, he really is the biggest I ever met and that is saying something”, Isaac claims as he strokes your hair softly.

You snort. “You have to say that.”

“Well, yeah, but I also mean it. Come on, you won’t let him destroy your confidence, will you? I have some experience with people who knock you down and they’ll always stay with you in some way, but you can still grow out of it stronger than before.”

You turn your head and blink at him a little astonished. “Man that was really sensitive Dr. Phil.”

“I have my moments”, he retorts with a grin on his lips that somehow makes everything seem less terrible.

“So what’s the plan?”

“Well, I’m just gonna keep you away from him until he eventually screws up and will be sent back.”

You like the plan. You like it a lot.

It works for a while. There is only one error: Theo doesn’t screw up. It’s not like everybody suddenly likes him but they also can’t ignore what he did, especially for Liam, and don’t think that he deserves to go back to hell. Still, you manage to avoid him with Isaac’s help. At least before Lydia’s “Goodbye Highschool” party, which is obviously something you have to go to.

But you don’t know that Theo would come too until you get there, go to the bar for your third drink and run right into him. Literally. You dumb into a body and already start to awkwardly apologize as he turns around and you stare right into that face you connect so many horrible emotions to.

“Oh my”, you push out, taking a step back while his eyes widen after they recognized you. Your instinct to flee sets in but you are aware of how stupid and weak that would look, so you stay right where you are. Quite frozen, actually.

“Y/N!”, he exclaims a little bit too late. “It’s so good to see you. I…I wanted to talk to you since…since I came back.”

Great, there you go. Thankfully enough, the old anger finally builds up inside of you and that makes it much easier because it overlaps the disappointment. You cross your arms in front of your chest and glare at him.

“Yeah, I know. You informed the others about that a thousand times, but I though my non-reaction made quite clear that I don’t return that wish.”

“I know”, he retorts, quickly and gravely serious. He steps closer and puts his arms on your shoulders but you immediately pull away. His touch feels poisonous. “I get that you don’t want to see me, okay? But I need to…”

“Oh, don’t you dare say apologize!”, you interrupt him decisively. “You could’ve done that the night in the forest but back then, you didn’t give a damn.”

Theo observes you for a moment, inhales deeply and lowers his head for a second before he looks back up at you through his eyelashes with an awfully sad expression in his eyes. It probably would’ve gotten to you but you don’t know if you can buy it or if he’s just acting again.

“You’re right, although it’s not true that I didn’t give a damn. I was an idiot. But the things that happened to me down there…they changed me!”, he claims, only earning a snort from you. “No, really! I just…I need you to know that when we had that thing going on, I wasn’t using you. I wasn’t dishonest with you or something and you were not an idiot to develop feelings because it was the same for me. You were…are…amazing and I realized that, I was just too stupid to put you first.”

His words could’ve been like honey to your soul if they didn’t come so very late. The desperation he displays doesn’t change that you’re only turning even colder inside and not one bit softer. You don’t even think that he’s lying. You just don’t care.

“Fascinating, Theo. But I am not the kind of girl that comes rushing back to an asshole just because he noticed that he is one”, you clarify cooly. “You really aren’t that good.”

Just as you assumed, pride flickers in his eyes. He obviously hasn’t lost that little character trait. A second later, though, he’s back being his begging self. You are really hoping for some guest to interrupt this conversation but they’re all joyful, drunk and minding their own business. None of them pays attention to your discussion.

“Course you’re not. If you were, you would’ve seemed rather boring to me”, Theo now claims, seemingly not understanding what an awful compliment that is. “I’m not asking you to forgive me right here, I’m only asking you to give me a chance.”

“To do what?”, you laugh indignantly. “Get me back?”

“Yes”, he simply states.

You feel a stupid sting in your heart and turn your head so you don’t have to look into those brown eyes anymore. You wished so badly for him to say that about a year ago. You would’ve thrown yourself in his arms, kissed him, never let go of him. Now it only hurts and you’re so tired of him hurting you.

“Well, you can forget about that because I’m over you”, you finally say.

“Really?”, he retorts, not even trying to hide his scepticism. His mistake.

“Yes, really! I’m with someone else. A good guy this time because I learn from my stupidities.”

“Sorry, Y/N, but I don’t believe it.”

Smug. Confident. It drives you crazy and not in the good way. You shoot him a deathly look and you’re so fed up with him.

“Okay. See how taken I am for yourself”, you grumble and whirl around, throwing your hair over your shoulder demonstratively.

You haven’t really thought this through but there’s no way you won’t pull this. You won’t give him that joy. You let your eyes wander over the crowd, desperately searching for help. There you find him. Isaac. Leaning against the wall, holding a red cup in his hands and watching the crazy dancing people with an amused grin on his lips. He will understand. He will get it. And he’s definitely the best choice.

You walk over to him with as much confidence as you can muster. Your heart is pounding fast in nervous anticipation, which he’ll probably be able to hear. As you’re almost there, Isaac looks up, locking eyes with you as worry flashes up in his face.

“Y/N, is everything alri…”

“Please just go with it”, you whisper before you throw your arms around his neck, stand on your toes and press your lips onto his.

He is shocked for about one second, then he puts his arms around your waist, pulls you closer and returns the kiss affectionately. You forget that this is only pretend, only to show Theo how done you’re with him, in the blink of an eye. Suddenly you sink into it, blend out everything around you and the only important things left are you and Isaac and this amazing connection you’re feeling between the two of you. It’s like a spark deep inside of you turns into a flame and burns through your whole body. You press yourself against him, hungry for more of him and the sweet taste of his lips. You almost feel drunk although you know that alcohol doesn’t have any effect on you.

This isn’t like a shy, first kiss but one that is based on all the trust and familiarity you share. As you finally pull apart to catch your breaths, you are looking at each other, kind of surprised but also pleased. A huge smile appears on his lips and his blue eyes seem brighter than usually.

“Wanna go somewhere more quiet?”, he asks you cheekily and you feel your heart flutter at his suggestion.

“Absolutely”, you retort, taking his hand before he leads you through the crowd.

You totally forgot Theo and how this developed. It doesn’t matter anymore.

@frenchzodiacgirl  @soraxa101