#it doesnt matter if its as bad as we think its going to be
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if I see "we can be friends despite political differences" from one more smug maga supporter or "can't we just move on" I'm gonna scream. No! We can't! The things him and his party have said are vile and dangerous and you thought it was fine to support him!!!! you thought it was fine!!!! how can we be friends and move on????
#i've got a good friend from college who voted trump and is now trying to pull the same card and telling me it wont be so bad and just#no#it doesnt matter if its as bad as we think its going to be#because you supported him with the risk it could be and didn't care!!!!#i'm not saying its easy most of my family is Republican and i'm grappling with that and how to interact with them#idk idk#us politics#brought on by my friend and also that popular gifmaker who makes queer gifs being a trump supporter and trying to paper over their post
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the ea driver ratings video....... yeah the illegal twinklaren soulbond was flaring UP.
#both of them wordlessly arriving at the correct ratings together and afterwards going#Yeah it doesnt matter what the ratings are. what matters is that we guessed them right.#they fascinate me#also the giggle merchantness in this one was quite diabolical#feel bad for the host like i dont think she entirely understood what was going on.#trying to tell them Well dont cheat.#but its kind of like. you cant really say How theyre cheating but somehow they keep arriving at the correct answers?? suspicious.#they lowkey scare me how did they just Know theyd gotten it right before the reveal...#814#landoscar
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reading a book that is very interesting in its quantitative analysis but is so weird in its tone!! the place the author chooses to insert emotionality is bizarre and his treatment of mortality of the be all end all of suffering is equally so.
#i'm supposed to be coming up w questions for this reading and so far like my biggest personal question is about tone.#like how do we feel about this tone? bc i think its bizarre.#i did go looking for other reviews and other people have brought up the same thing so it is like. extremely noticeable#he is also according to him going for 'rationality' over the 'emotionality' that is kind of pervasive in the subject matter#but then that gets into like. ok. how do you write emotionality as a historian. like. what obligations do you have to the people you examin#and he's an economic historian which i think is why he's really only focusing on mortality#which to be fair. is significant. and i think he handles it fairly well and makes clear that the numbers ARE significant even though#the percentages seem small#its just like. if this is a survey of the literature. most historians do actually talk about effects other than mortality. so.#als i do kind of think he has a moral obligation to talk about effects other than mortality. in this topic.#bc to do otherwise kind of insinuates that discussions of other effects are the emotionality he doesnt like#which might be true that he thinks that. but if its true i think thats bad.#anyway#w.me
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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Terribly upset that I am willing to put so much love and effort into a relationship and people aren't willing to put in slightly more than the bare minimum for me
#just salty about it. do people still say salty. thats the first time ive said it in quite awhile#anyway#i have problems with my body. my body is thr equivalent of a house that someone wanted to save money on#so they had their second cousin do the wiring. and now an actual electrician is walking around just shaking their head#the actual electrician is my doctors who are horrified at whats going on in there#but because i have shoddy wiring. people have to put a little more effort in than the bare minimum. its crazy#tmi sex mention ahead#there are various things that make it slightly different for me to have sex. not impossible. not even difficult really. just different#but do you think people are willing to work with those differences? nope. again its not impossible or even really difficult#but also one of the issues technically could be fixed. i dont want to fix it. it would be painful and difficult and i dont mind the issue#but people im with all want me to fix the issue. 'just fix the issue' no this is my body and i am not changing it for a 2 month relationship#also i got that long covid which drains my energy. stamina and endurance dont exist. so if i go on a walk or whatever#i need to rest more often than most people. again i can walk or be out. i just cant stand very long and need to take more breaks#it doesnt make things impossible or even too difficult. just different#am i crazy? am i asking for too much? for someone to love me enough to put in the effort to work with my differences?#i feel crazy considering why most of my exes have left#first- cuz im trans second- i left him we just werent a good match#third-cuz im trans fourth- changed her mind about a lot of shit really suddenly so ee no longer aligned#fifth- started as a long distnace relationship. knew that was the deal. decided she didnt like it#but tbh i wanted to leave her bcuz she didnt put any love care or effort into the relationship and i hated it#i think im going to become a nun actually. i think legally god has to love me no matter what#and he is in fact the electrician that fucked up the house of my body so it only seems fair#im realizing my explanation of my 4th ex doesnt explain it all. literally very siddenly she said she felt trapped#she said she didnt see a future with me and when i moved she wanted to open up the relationship#and another part of her wanting to open it was bcuz my body doesnt work the way she wanted it to for sex#so after literally three years after saying she wanted to marry me and such. literally a couple months after we discussed marriage#she dropped all of that shit on me. so i wasted three years there. im tired of relationships#im tired of this grandpa!#my exes and future partners: thats too damn bad!!
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I hate being a germophobe because one minute I want to be far away from anyone else and safe from bodily contact, and the next I just want to be next to my partner and hold him while he waits to find out if he has to stay another night in the fucking hospital. :'(
#we are long distance and its not an energency thats why im not there#not the germs thing but i did deliberately go home and skip work xmas thing earlier#because everyone was touching the food and doing food prep without washing their hands and i couldnt handle it#i hope that if *touch wood * something really bad happens with his health and i needed to go to be with him that i could#i hate hospitals and their germs but whats the fucking point of being a person if you cant hold the one you love :'(#its so fucking hard sometimes to be intimate sometimes i never tell anyone this#i hate being breathed on and i wish i could just be normal and not think about this stuff#anyway i really really want them to find out what is fucking wrong with him and help finally!!!#my baggage doesnt fucking matter ...it shouldnt anyway. but i cant escape my own thoughts and feelings. :(
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one of the dramas from the wedding was one of the grooms cousins (on the other side not mine) just not wearing the clothes we had made for her specifically
#i think they cost smth like 1 lakh rupees so that is crazy#she is such a bitch i cannot believe it#when asked about it she just laughed in our faces and said it didnt fit.. it was custom made and she was the one who sent the measurements#and all of the other cousins wore matching ones in different clothes#she just thinks shes better than us.. bc she managed to go to the us and now has a fake american accent also#i dont get this inferiority complex our people have. it is ridiculous.#i told everyone we should we should ask for the clothes back since she clearly doesnt want them but they said it was a gift so no#actually i think she just wanted to be 'modern' and our clothes were a traditional gharara#so she came with her legs out :/#tbh she looked bad anyways so . actually idgaf#she literally did not acknowledge me or my sister at all i think she considers us . i dont know like their maids that were brought along#its actually crazy like. she was acting like she was closer to the bride and groom than we were and we were just some randos#its basically my brother who is getting married and we havent spoken to this girl for years?? she was the reason my aunt came to the uk#bc she used to beat up my cousin (who got married) when he was little and my aunt didnt want to be around her and her mum didnt control her#imagine breaking the family up and being hated by the immediate relatives of the groom and acting like you are the vip guest..#havent told my cousin how she acted with us yet bc partially its like whats the point shes nobody#but i feel like his wife thinks shes super nice bc of course she was sucking up to her#i dont want to be a bad sister in law and cause problems so i'll just keep it to myself#not like anyone will talk to her again so what does it matter#it was nice seeing our side of the family though#especially one of my great aunties who accoring to my sister i was 'glazing' lmaoo#maybe its bc they know i am my mothers daughter and the other side dont?#i feel like its still unacceptable behavoiur though. just rude for no reason you could at least say hello
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I was trying to figure out ideas for a zine (I guess me, CL, P2, and Wolf make them now?) but, uh, just kinda ended up drawing myself... whoops.
#other post#-ct#tailstrokes#i guess?#no i'm not a parker haha#i feel like my style differs a tiny bit from wolf which is... sort od validating in a way?#you know one of the kids called#god i almost said 'us'#i'm NOT a white collar anymore#i mean i kept the work clothes but that's cause i think they're kinda hot#but anyway the kid called them (fuck i wrote us there instinctively) scientists first and the others nearly agreed to use that for them#that'd have been weird#they (...we?) are definitely NOT scientists#not we im not that anymore! fuck!#THE POINT is that im not sure theres really anything that encompasses what i used to do#maybe observer watcher witness#anyway it doesnt matter now#god i really feel i was there decades ago its what i said to wolf when they first made contact and asked but#if you asked me for memories for a feeling of connection to specific things to describe i couldnt i cant#i just feel like i was there and i was ... doing my former job#other people here got to be the ones in things good and bad and evil alike#me and the rest we didnt#we just did our jobs#we werent people#or like cl said didnt know we were/are#im making myself sad#going to shut up now
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Getting into stuff that has a lot of pre-announced release dates is really good for me like vocal synthesizer products and new love live etc franchise music releases....I'll be lying in bed at like 2 AM with ur usual 20-something's fear and existentialism over time and the future and then I'll remember a piece of singing software or a new song related to cartoon characters I like is gonna come out like next month and I'm like 😌
#this keeps happening to me with the upcoming december#miki and kiyoteru sv.....im so excited...if they get delayed ill scream#jk jk ill be fine but i do hope we get some demos in November soon!#soyogi still doesnt have a concrete release date but hes also probably december#now if HE gets delayed i will actually explode. i will spontaneously burst into flames#the other night i had a dream about aivoice2 ryuusei coming out. which is a normal thing to happen#it literally was just like i went online and saw videos people made with him SHDBFBSJFNFN#premonition dream...this is what will happen in november#but it reminded me i wasnt as familiar with how aiv2 sounds with a2sync. i like the aiv1 kotonosync situation#BUT it is very noisy and the vocals usually sound like lalavoice with the slightly obvious looping#which is charming but not as versatile in the grand scheme of talk synths made to sing#just the nature of it. but a2sync sounds FANTASTIC i was really shocked. im curious how his#particularly deep voice will sound compared to a more medium gentle tone like iori but im excited#im really curious how he'll sound compared to vv humming ryuusei#now what weve seen of his design.....im not suuuper into quite yet. its not BAD and well see when its fully out#but i dont care for the blue hair bits. im picky about hair dye in alternate designs#i like his gray black default situation too much. also i DO like how slutty his design is looking#but also it might look um. a little too much for a talk synth? like brother whats going on here#why are u so dressed up to chat ....i guess for fun#then again his aiv1 design was also probably more appropriate for singing synths rather than talking But I like that one more LOL#doesnt matter too much for me though im more interested in the unofficial singing side stuff AHDBFHSHFBDJJD#which also reminds me i hope someday aiv1 vy series can get a aiv2 update#a full singing synth would be nicer but i wouldnt mind a talk turned singing synth. i know everyone hates the aiv vy designs#i dont hate them theyre not great but theyre fine for talk synths. i think nancy is hilarious. white woman jumpscare#im not a huge fan of the main fanon vy designs (theyre good but they dont fit to me) so i dont mind the aiv ones#even if its just two random people SHBFJFAJFJFJSJJF but yeah i hope they get a aiv2 someday#i think it would be fun to make em sing with a2sync hee hee#also on the ll end i am so excited for dia birthday album end of dec#AND all the new liella tunes. i still havent watched the new season because i havent been able to sit down and enjoy it yet#but soon....next week ill have time...sooooooon
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'oh but refined sugar is bad for you' newsflash babey, all sugar is bad for you, even if its in some fancy shmancy gel-like form and comes with "benefits". theres still lots of sugar in there. the benefits dont just cancel out the sugars
#a cake doesnt become less of an unhealthy food choice just bc you put a bunch of fruit in it#granted- refined sugar travels through you too quickly which is also a problem but id rather use that than honey if supporting honey#means harming native bees.#theres also... a lot of sweeteners out there. doesnt have to be between these three. i just dont think theres a difference enough to matter#sugar still wont become magically better for me even if im mostly eating fruits to get it. if im still eating over the DV then its harmful.#-scratch everything i was about to say- apparently honey is mostly just sugar and water so no its not better somehow lmao#its still concentrated. its better to get sugar from fruit bc it digests slower but that doesnt appear to be true for honey like i assumed#which i only assumed to give the benefit of the doubt to honey-advocates. if thats not even the case whats the point sdhjfdsvh#regardless- too much of your DV of sugars is bad for you and its really easy in america to go overboard.#it wouldnt be better just to get sugar from dates or something either. concentrated sugar is the problem. the fibers in fruits prevent#it from digesting too quickly which obviously no sugar we have has fibers.#straight up sugarcane is WAY more healthy than refined sugar.#the fiber in fruit also kind of makes it hard to go over your DV of sugar bc your stomach will fill up before you get to that point.#sugar alone in whatever form doesnt satiate hunger.
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"is anyone actually vers?" Idk maybe you can't be but I'm built different
#i was talking with some people at choir and discussing how its funny that caribener code and hanky code#have tops and bottoms on the same side and i joked like. come on dykes. cant we be a little contrarian#and then we talked about caribeners and i lamented that i couldnt wear one bc im always sitting#and dont really wear clothes with belt loops anyway#“well thats your problem. you dress too femme”#and then i laughed and was like yeah how will anyone know im gay without the rainbow lanyard my keys hang on#and then at one point i was like. where would a vers wear keys anyway and there was a laugh like. vers? ok bottom#and LOOK. i may have been a pillow princess for years but that was only bc my ex was stone#never beating the bottom allegations#cries in vers#like who wouldnt enjoy a little bit of pillow princess time. its a good time!#although if im not in a relationship i almost exclusively top#like unless she's reaaaally hot#its also fun to be with a top and then be like. oh thats sweet. you thought you were going to be leading this dance?#look the only reason im vers is bc i have a bad back#like its a non insignificant contributing factor#also ppl that are like lesbians cant have tops and bottoms besides things are more egalitarian anyway. and its like#yeah we're mutually invested in each others pleasure but also what a way to announce that youve never had gay sex#theres *definitely* tops and bottoms#“rah rah theres only tops and bottoms if you use a strap” once again. what a way to say that youve never had gay sex#even the way a girl kisses you. you can tell. its literally just as simple as who takes the lead.#but ppl looooove to police how lesbians talk about their sexuality#i have had a friend whos a gay man ask before like. “how would you top? dont you both take turns?” and like. yeah.#but theres a bit more to topping than just giving vs receiving. i like to think of it as leading vs getting swept away#and its also like. you have a preference for what you like to do. both are fun but ones a bit more fun. who goes first. etc.#and penetration literally doesnt matter in terms of designation. some like it some dont. it doesn't suddenly make you a bottom if you do#and he was just perplexed like bro what is not clicking
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