#it doesnt matter if i did because i was so beyond fucked up but actually maybe it does matter because maybe he didnt know that

[whenitstimeitwontmatter]

every day i drive home from work and sit in my car in the dark and talk to myself about my trauma and cry and relive it and make myself feel worse and then i go inside and pretend nothing happened

[dumbslxtclub]

I seriously love your writing. Can i request eddie kissing reader just outta nowhere ( hes really fucken smitten with her) and readers just fucken shocked and stunned and doesnt really kiss back because eddies with chrissy and reader is chrissys best friend. Eddie seriously forgot he was with chrissy and realises he fucked up.

let me put my lips to something | e.m

eddie munson x fem!reader

content warnings: fem!reader, adult language, adult themes, angst, hurt/comfort, some canon divergence/au, reader is 19, anxiety, ANGSTY angst, fluff, no use of y/n, weed consumption, cheating (eddie kisses reader while with chrissy), cliffhanger (kinda) ending but it's definitely not happy

word count: 2.7K+

a/n: my first request eeeeee!!! thank you anon for this one, such a delish challenge to write and I loved every angsty second of it xxx

part one / part two

The slightly skunky haze of smoke from the crackling joint perched between your fingertips intermingles with the balmy Spring air, filling your lungs with the promise of warmer days to come. The first mild night the town of Hawkins has been granted, a desperately needed reprieve from dark nights arriving prematurely and wind-chill cold enough to ice your bones. 

A blanket is rolled out on the dewy grass behind Eddie’s van, the pair of you laying heavy on the polyester fabric as you succumb to intoxication, music lightly thrumming from the car’s stereo. Your secret lookout point, discovered years prior, overlooking the sleepy town twinkling sporadically as its inhabitants close the book on another day. The first daisies of the season spring up through the unkempt grass before you, dipping down into a steep slope of neglected land. Your own personal haven, shared with your best friend, the place you go when Eddie mutters through the corded phone “meet me at our spot”.

Eddie and you first grew close in sophomore year, sharing a mutual love for all things fantasy, having shared a slightly tense stand-off in the library over its tattered copy of The Hobbit. Eddie did not expect you to yield so easily, used to having to stand his ground when faced with any confrontation. But, with a warm smile, you suggested you didn’t need to re-read it just yet, passing it to his uncertain hands. With a simple gesture, you plucked the first of many bricks from his hard exterior, offering him kindness to which he wasn’t accustomed. He couldn’t believe that you, a beautiful girl, could see him as human, more than the reputation that preceded him. And thus, your friendship blossomed.

An unlikely duo, but you collected a rather eclectic group of friends. Cheerleaders, science nerds, outcasts, it didn’t matter to you. You sought out the best in people, looking beyond their stereotyped roles in the small-minded society, wanting to surround yourself with people who made you smile. Eddie loved that about you.

Matter of fact, he loved everything about you. He loved how your bedroom was unabashedly you, eclectic in every sense of the word. Posters of heavy metal bands lived in harmony with Broadway Playbills, crisp tennis shoes and graffitied sneakers sitting at the foot of your bed. It’s like you collected pieces of the people you loved, keepsakes of your time together and shared interests to show off to the world. 

He loved how unafraid you were to announce your friendship, calling his name out with a cheerful wave through the crowded hallways on the dreariest of mornings. It gave Eddie something to look forward to on his lowest days, where getting out of bed was a drag. The assurance of seeing your beaming smile enough to get him through the doorways of the school he loathed.

And he loved how you took an interest in him. Patiently listening as he explained the rules of DnD, inviting you to campaign nights to which you happily celebrated the group's victories without an inkling as to what was actually going on. Getting dragged to obscure concerts out of town, driven by the promise of getting to spend time with one of your best friends. How you got along with Wayne like a house on fire, helping him prepare all sorts of meals with plenty of leftovers to spare that he could take to his long overnight shifts.

Eddie had a lot of love to give. Which makes the complete misplacement of his feelings all the more tragic. 

They say sandbox love never dies, which is the case for you and Chrissy. The closest of friends since elementary school, her contagious positivity rubbed off on you in the best of ways. She supported you no matter what, and you did the same for her. And so, when she asked if you thought she should invite Eddie to the Homecoming dance last year, you ignored the pitfall in your stomach, shoving the harbinger of jealousy down and encouraging her to do so. You anticipated that it would be a one-off, the two having never spent much time together beyond exchanging pleasantries. But, as it turns out, they meshed together perfectly, like slotting pieces together from two separate puzzles.

In one fell swoop, you lost craved time with the two of your best friends as they elected to spend more time together, a relationship quickly blooming between them. If you and Eddie were an unlikely duo, Chrissy and Eddie were like chalk and cheese. 

And yet, somehow, it worked. 

From your perspective, anyway. 

Like all relationships, you’d hear about how they naturally clashed. Eddie had no interest in going to Chrissy’s basketball games, casting you in the role of mediator as you dragged him to watch his girlfriend perform. And you patiently coached Chrissy through the little knowledge you’d accumulated through the Dungeon Master, whispering in her ear while the two of you spectated another campaign. But at the end of the day, they both seemed happy enough. And that’s what mattered most to you, regardless of your mounting feelings for your metalhead friend. The sinew of your cheek felt the brunt of your anguish as you clenched tender flesh between your teeth while you’d watch Eddie whisper sweet nothings into Chrissy’s ear across the room. The edges of your nails finding solace digging into your soft palms as he slung his arm around hers at the cafeteria table, watching as she occupied the chair once reserved for you. Relishing in the delicious burn on your waterline as you squeezed your eyes shut, noticing Chrissy beelining towards you in the school hallway wearing one of Eddie’s bracelets. An unwilling masochist at the hands of your best friends, contorting your mouth into a smile to hide the civil unrest simmering beneath your skin.

Tonight, you’d been whisked away from pressing History homework at Eddie’s request, receiving a phone call from him that he just needed to clear his head for a bit. Deducing that something must have happened between him and Chrissy, you asked him to pick you up along the way. The drive was quiet, Eddie plastering a fake plastic smile you were acutely accustomed to donning yourself, electing to once again prioritize your friend’s needs above your own.

And now, just like old times, the pair of you lay parallel to each other, gazing up at the clear night’s sky. It’s been clear that Eddie is not in the mood to talk about what happened, so you steer clear of the subject. Instead, you exist in comfortable silence, passing the burning joint between you while your limbs cement themselves to the ground. Limitless sky existing in front of your hazy vision, the question slipped out from the deepest recesses of your slightly-stoned mind.

“Do you ever think about the universe?” As you pass Eddie the butt of the joint, you tilt your head towards him. He chuckles at your obscure question, placing the rolled paper between his plump lips.

“Oh god, you’re not about to dump today’s Physics class on me, are you?”

“Shut up, that’s not what I mean.”

His eyes flutter closed as he exhales a plume of smoke skyward, stubbing out the remaining embers onto an ashtray beside him.

“I mean, yeah, sometimes. Tried to count all the stars in the sky once, but fell asleep before I finished the job.”

A grin takes over your face, shaking your head. 

“I didn’t know you knew how to count, good for you.”

Eddie hisses, his hand flying to his heart to cover the metaphorical wound.

“Ouch, that was cruel, princess.” You’d never admit how the nickname made your heart flutter, breath slightly hitching at his words. “But tell me, Professor. What are your thoughts on the universe?”

Blurry eyes gaze up at the stars, twinking in the black sheet of night vast along the landscape. 

“It’s just weird to think about, like, how insignificant we are.”

“Bit pessimistic, are we?” Eddie quips.

“It’s not pessimistic! It’s freeing.”

“How so?”

Each breath feels labored, grounding yourself as you find the right words.

“I mean, there are billions of universes just like ours out there. And we’ll never know about them. In the grand scheme of things, we are just a blip on the timeline, you know? A hundred years from now, no one will remember our names. And we think everything is so important. Like, I saw Amy Dixon crying in the library the other day because she didn’t get a good grade on the Math final. Or I went to the grocery store last weekend and some cashier was getting screamed at because he overcharged a lady by two cents. Like, who fucking cares?”

“Right, so what’s your point?” Eddie’s tone is entirely curious, he loves digging into your mind, hearing your perspective on anything and everything.

“My point is, nothing matters. We literally don’t matter. We’re here, and then one day, we’re not. And I don’t mean that in a cynical way, I think it’s so freeing, you know? We can do whatever we want. Like, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, or how they try to squeeze me into whatever box they think I should fit into. Because at the end of my life, when I’m all old and gray and sitting alone in my bed, I want to be able to look back and go ‘Hey, I don’t regret a minute of that’. Like, there was nothing I wish I’d done but was too scared to. I just want to be proud of how I lived my life, you know?”

Your rambling ceases, silence filling the air between the pair of you. Eddie doesn’t reply, but you do feel him shuffling against the blanket. 

“Sorry, that was probably boring and a bit weird-”

Two fingers softly pinch your chin, edging your face in the direction of your friend. Lolling your head to the side, you struggle to decipher Eddie’s expression in the dusky night. You can make out his two big brown eyes boring into you, minutely darting around your face, drinking in your features. He shuffles closer to you, hand still planted on the crook of your jawline. Time feels like it’s moving in slow motion. Every action languid, moving slowly, then all at once. Warm lips crash down on yours, sending shockwaves through your system. Melting at his touch, you relish the sensation of his soft lips intermingling with yours in the most sensual of embraces. The intensity of the moment caused you to cling onto him as the only stable thing in a dizzy world. A potent cocktail of chemicals flood your brain, far more intoxicating than any drug, leaving you aching for more. But you know you can’t. Or rather, you shouldn’t.

Pulling away, eyes wide as you study your best friend, who pinches his eyes together from the sudden loss of contact. 

“Eddie, why-” You begin, unable to string a coherent sentence together with the amount of blood erratically pumping through your veins.

“‘M sorry. I had to do that, just once.”

Tears prickle the corners of your dry eyes, burning your waterline as you fight them back as shock behind to set in. Eddie, on the other hand, looks like the weight of the world has just been lifted from his shoulders.

“What- what about Chrissy?”

“Who?” Surely he’s not serious.

“Chrissy? Your girlfriend...”

Eddie winces at the mention of her name, shrinking into himself.

“Fuck. I- uh…”

“What?”

“I sort of, like- forgot about her for a moment.”

You’re incredulous, failing to comprehend how someone forgets about their whole significant other.

“What do you mean you forgot?”

“It’s just- fuck.” Eddie runs his hands along his weary face, waging a mental war with himself. “It’s like, sometimes, when I’m around you, everything else drops away. Like we’re the only two people in the world.”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you push down the boiling pot of emotions bubbling in your stomach.

“You don’t mean that-”

“I do. I don’t know how, but you drown out all the noise. All the bullshit, the ideas people have of me, it- it all disappears around you-”

“Eddie, please stop-”

“-And I wish I had of told you that sooner, but then Chrissy happened- and I worry that, I don’t know, I’m in too deep now-”

“Listen, you’re just high, okay? We can forget about this-” Suddenly feeling entirely sobered by this exchange, you find the strength to prop yourself up on the blanket, wrapping your arms around yourself in order to self-soothe.

“-I’m not high. I’ll wake up and feel the same way tomorrow. Chrissy is fine but she’s- fuck, she’s not you. We’ll go to the cinema and see some stupid romantic comedy, and all I want is to look over and see you.” 

“Stop it.”

“Or I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and roll over and wish it was you asleep next to me.”

Bile builds in your throat at the mere thought of them occupying the same bed.

“Eddie, please-”

“And shit, I never should have said yes to her. I always knew I’d break her heart, it’s so fucked up.” Eddie’s word vomit continually spills out, you’ve never seen him so unfiltered. And it’s starting to scare you that he may be telling the truth. Finding the strength in your unsteady legs, your feet meet the ground beneath you, trying to put further distance between you and Eddie. Your heart aches like nothing you’ve ever experienced before, like you’re somehow suffocating from the inside. “I’m just- fuck, I’m sorry.”

A dense silence occupies the space between you, neither of you sure where to go from here.

“I’m not the one you should apologize to, Eddie.” Oh my god, how are you going to begin to explain this to Chrissy? The thought of losing her, the one stable constant throughout your life, prematurely breaks your heart. Your palm clasps over your mouth, shaking your head like trying to erase an Etch-A-Sketch, remove the image of Chrissy’s wide eyes as you relay what’s just transpired. The dam breaks, and the first of many tears spills down your flushed cheeks. How you wish things were simpler, wrapped up in a neat package like the happy endings you see in films. 

“Shit, I really fucked up, didn’t I?” Eddie’s voice quivers beyond your glossy vision, tugging at your heartstrings. Unable to speak, you give a half-hearted nod in response. Eddie clears his throat. “Guess you’re right. We should just forget this happened, okay? Just go back to the way things were, if that’s what you want.”

A fate worse than death, existing the way you have been for months on end. But what other choice was there?

“Yeah.”

With a sigh, Eddie methodically folds up the blanket, throwing it into the back of the van.

“Let’s get you home, it’s getting late.” The drive home is silent, but the words left unsaid between the pair of you are deafening. You should feel grateful to see the familiar paneling of your house, the front left on welcoming you home. But, as always, it signals the end of your time with Eddie, heart aching from the admissions dancing on the tip of your tongue. The car gears click into park, and your unsteady hand finds the door handle.

“See you tomorrow.” Three unimportant words now charged with tension, the mere thought of seeing the pair at school tomorrow causing your stomach to flip.

“Yeah.” Eddie’s response is mumbled, taking a particular interest in the worn leather of the steering wheel. Chewing your lip, you click the door open, about to maneuver out when Eddie’s words immobilize you. 

“Hey?” For the first time in the eternal drive, Eddie works up the courage to look at you directly, doe-eyes meeting yours for a fleeting moment. 

“Mmm?”

With a sharp inhale of breath, Eddie struggles to maintain his gaze, brows furrowing as he nervously fiddles with his rings.

“I’ve fucked up a lot of things in my life, but I’ve been thinking about what you said. And, at the end of my shitty life, I’m gonna look back and not regret kissing you. Not for a minute.”

Those words are your springboard out of the vehicle, closing the door behind you with your little remaining composure, hastening up the driveway and through the front door. Locking it behind you, you feel your chest tighten and ache with longing and regret. 

You hope things will return back to how they were. But, in the back of your mind, a small, selfish voice prays that they don’t.

[roseworth]

How do you feel about Slade Wilson?

I personally could never get myself to like him strictly for what he did for Tera like I can excuse a lot of things but what he did to her is not one of them. I don’t know, I can never get myself to like him. Am I missing out?

I don’t know much about him beyond his titans cameos so is there an extra layer to his character that makes him likable?

Or is he just unlikable? How do you feel about him and him as a parent?

i think slade can be such a compelling character when hes written well. but the problem is that he is rarely written well

like. he's interesting to me BECAUSE he's such a terrible person and i hate him so much. he's a pedophile and an abuser and just an unapologetically horrible person and i LOVE it when writers don't ignore that. one of the reasons i love deathstroke 2016 is because priest doesnt pretend that slade is a good guy deep down, he is written like an asshole and does awful things throughout the entire book. because hes an asshole.

i dont like it when he works With the titans because. they should hate his ass!!! ESPECIALLY for what he did to terra. but he can be so good as a titans villain because hes a loser predator that routinely gets his ass kicked by teenagers that hate him on a personal level.

another reason hes interesting to me is because he genuinely DOES love the people in his life (derogatory). i hate it when people act like he hates his children because thats not true at all!! unfortunately he loves them so much but his version of love is abusing them and/or pushing them away. hes a terrible father and a terrible person but that doesnt mean he doesnt love his family. its just that his love is toxic and awful and him loving someone is always a bad thing

one (of many) thing that i hated about the movie deathstroke knights & dragons is that they tried to make him a good person. they treated it like his children were being irrational for hating him, his mercenary work was actually "noble" (he gave up a job because it came from a dictator; he would not fucking do that), and they even treated him cheating on adeline as "aw poor slade was so upset and he cheated on his wife because he was sad 🥺" and thats just. so boring to me. the reason he can be an interesting character is because hes such an awful person who does terrible things because hes selfish and doesnt care about other people, and even when he does care about other people hes doing it in a way that doesnt hurt him

thats also one of the reasons i HATED that one arc with respawn. i forget the name of it but it was the one crossover with batman & robin & deathstroke inc (<- this is driving me crazy what the fuck was it called.... it was the one where ra's died.... do u know what im talking about (EDIT: its Shadow War!! i forgor)) because suddenly slade was acting like he was a good father and that he loved his children and was acting Better than batman. which is so fucking stupid because hes a shithead and he knows it! but for some reason slade was like "im embracing my son i love being a family man ☺️ you wouldnt know what thats like would you batman ☺️" like since when do YOU know what thats like. at the very least he shouldve been pushing respawn away that entire time and it pisses me off that he was treated like the good guy in that story. and thats not even mentioning how bad rose's reaction pissed me off in this & dark crisis. williamson i am begging you to learn literally anything about the characters you write.

but going back to deathstroke 2016. that one is sooo good because christopher priest completely understands that slade is the worst. what i love about it is that he actually has "pure" motivations for a lot of the things he does (ie hiring a hitman on rose because he wants to spend time with her, stealing wallace's speedforce powers because he wants to save grant, etc) but it is very clear in the story that his motivations dont matter because hes doing a shitty thing! it doesnt matter that his intentions were good because he was hurting people on purpose!!!! he can try to be "good" all he wants but he is basically incapable of being good without hurting and/or manipulating someone. which is why hes such a compelling character to me. hes a shitty person with relatively good intentions. cool motive, still murder.

thats ALSO why i really like seeing him as a father (derogatory). because the shitty things he does are once again always well-intended but he fucks up his kids BAD. like just looking at his relationship with rose pre52, he pushes her away when he first meets her because hes afraid she'll be in danger if he brings her into his life. then he decides he DOES want her in his life so he hires someone to murder the people looking after her but lets her get her revenge on the person that killed her family. then he drugs her because hes a fucked up person that wants to keep her with him because shes the only family he has left (grant, adeline, wintergreen, and joey are all more or less dead at this point), then later after she leaves he fights her & joey (who is alive again) because he wants them to see that the titans to be a better family to them than he could be, THEN he fights them again because he wants them back in his life. its a back and forth of "i have to push them away to keep them safe" and "i have to go to extreme measures to keep them in my life"

hes a shitty father but hes a shitty father BECAUSE he loves his family. and he fucks them up because he doesnt know how to show them he loves them so he just makes it worse on purpose. he doesnt think that he can get any better so he pushes them away OR manipulates them and forces them to be close to him.

anyways. all this to say i find him interesting as a character BECAUSE he's unlikable and i dont trust anyone that actually likes him. if he was real i would throw rocks at him in the street because hes a piece of shit. but because hes not real i can enjoy his books as long as they dont shy away from the fact that hes a piece of shit

[sparrowmoss]

aight back on it. the acolyte ep 7 live reaction. this is going to be so bad

ahhh here we go. the full story (i presume). wonder what theyre looking for

SEVEN WEEKS… i’d be throwing a fit too

oh this concept is cool as FUCK!!!! a vergence… yes… i love it. but i think they may be wrong. idk

sol having beef with indara and her saying well thats why i have a padawan and you do not HFHEHFJEHFKDF

need that speeder bike

bro mother koril just teleported

from what little he saw of that interaction i dont blame him for being concerned but maybe also realize u dont have the whole picture

why the fuck did mother aniseya do this to this kid what the hell. what the fuck is happening

i think. both sides are wrong honestly. only at 15 mins in but sol saying that his assumption that osha is not being cared for properly here does not mean that the jedi order or any singular member of it has any right to come in and take this child from her family by force without some sort of clear assessment of her actual treatment beyond a few glimpsed moments and without first consulting the child as to what she needs at all. to me this should have been handled by someone without a bias of wanting osha to come with them to be a jedi through claiming to feel a bond with her/that she is “meant to” join them

ummm this is getting alarming i would have assumed mae meant in the future but no indara knew she meant. like. Now. like Tomorrow. were they. were they all going to sacrifice themselves in mass suicide

NOOOOO I WAS RIGHT NOOOOO WHAT THE HELLLLL

sol why you so twitchy

bro what the hell is with the jedi order in this time period you all are fucked. council says no you cant take the kids also you cant come home/leave the planet where you have created hostility also you have interfered too much. theyre in danger. it doesnt matter. you formed an immediate emotional attachment. yelling that you arent emotional. can you all please get it together

oh shit they found out. ohhhh aniseya used the vergence to create them. WHAT

one consciousness into two bodies what the fuck

TORBIN ITS NOT FUCKING WORTH ITTTTT

i think aniseya was going to let osha go

ABIGAIL!!!!!!! im so glad she got a couple more lines because for real shes the main reason i got interested in this show in the first place KFJDJFJSF

please use the force to get up that damn wall ill cry if i have to see you climb it again

ohhhh this is all so fucked dude im so nervous for whatevers about to happen

oh no mae tried to put it out and couldnt nooooo NOOOOO

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO aniseya u dont know how right u are

um. instead of going to help mae. koril decided to fight the jedi?

HUH????

SOL WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK?

this is so fucked dude everything is SO bad

THATS how they died??????? being forced out of group mind controlling kelnacca????

fuck. fuck fuck fuck

indara beat the shit out of this guy please. “i had to make a choice” sol patrol it is so over

man i was prepared for pain with this episode but i was not prepared for how fucking angry i would feel oh my GODDDD im gnashing my teeth EVERYTHING went wrong my GOD. if these people on both sides could have not jumped to violence as a first resort. not both immediately assumed the worst of the other side. these two little girls never would have had to be put through any of that. it makes me so much angrier that the girls were the source of this fight that didnt need to happen and suffered so immensely from it and the jedi can go on with their lives despite that guilt but osha and mae lost everything. every choice was made for them every option was taken from them everyone they loved was killed and every dream they had was ripped away. im so fucking mad

[narwhalandchill]

(soo ignition teaser thoughts ig)

hmmmm im ngl the trailer itself as a like prelude to what is coming in 5.0 intrigue and plot wise is like. compared to the region teasers that came before w lazzo and overture. its just. its kinda bad im sorry KWKJKWDJKWDJK like okay cool seeing the new cast and production value is high as always (+ music) but its such a middling teaser for the story itself?? it feels like a powerpoint presentation of the cast more than anything narratively coherent with an inherent draw and mystery

like theres mavuika speaking to the flame thingy (xbalanque that u? "one entombed in the primal fire" perhaps????) with some intrigue i suppose as well as her brief thing w capitano. ororon also appearing to be working together or aligned with capitano given theyre standing together there which could make for an interesting plot thread but beyond that its very.... eh. its not giving us a lot to grip onto ya know???? and thats rly a shame especially since i also felt that way abt the teaser in the 4.8 livestream. i wish we got more

and sure theres a tournament wahoo but like. its really Not helping to hype up that thing when half the introduced cast isnt being like "OMG the tournament!!!!1!1 this is HUGE!!!1" (or even. "oh no this is BAD!!!1" to set up basic conflict. like why would they dread it?) but instead just. "oh right... the tournament 🙄🙄" like who thought that was a good idea 😭😭 if the PEOPLE of natlan dgaf abt the big plot event happening then how am i as the viewer supposed to feel majorly invested in it . wow theyre tossing a ball around . wow nobody wants it guess ur tournament is having a bit of a PR issue in the making mavuika lmao

anyway i wouldnt even call myself a true capitano glazer despite being a fatuiHQ enjoyer on the side but like. that hmph still carried welcome capHIMpeaktano truly o7 JWDJWDJKDWJK also did yall see the. anemo-ish turquoise flare when mavuika is confronting (?) him? wonder if thats a thing with her flames or is it implying cap as anemo or sth.... i think itd fit him decent enough but ya. looking forward to HIM for sure

(+ congrats to him for losing the goofy timbs from arles animated short lmao like his design looks so fucking sick now)

character design wise uhhhh. well theres the obvious huge fucking issue here and while id say that hoyo p much already showed their true colors on the matter with sumeru that doesnt rly. make it any less disappointing and egregious wrt all the cultures and peoples theyre So willing to gather inspiration from in all possible aspects Other than the diversity of the people themselves. like its just... bad and such a shame but also not very surprising unfortunately.

(and really it just. looks especially bad given they clearly Can put melanin on people its just... enemy mobs only.)

beyond that i kind of dont have anyone that super catches my eye rn??? mainly because . well leaks moment eek but its basically official info now so basically. xilonens existence as a geo and a 5* (which like . u dont need leaks to guess she will be im sorry jdwjdw) was leaked a bit ago as well as the patch she should appear meaning. im actually in chiori rerun savings mode since its very high chance that she will be back w xilonen if anyone. so thats my plan for now kjdwjkdwjkdwjk

in terms of the actual cast i do like kinich and ororons designs v much, the design motifs of the latter especially are interesting bc those eye-like patterns are almost giving quantum symbol (= black hole imagery) to me???? and thats V interesting especially if hes actually working w capitano and the fatui. now him being a cat boy or whatever animals ears those turn out to be isnt like sth thats huge for Me personally but i do think hes valid and also W for anyone whos into that, congrats guys im happy for u ! but like fr itd be such an insane twist if hoyos Finally introducing the void quantum abyss whatever element w him (and maybe cap too.) bc that symbol Rly is looking Curious. or then hes just electro lol. for kinich its like. yeah fair he might be xiao-tighnari-gaming from minecraft ill admit that but. i do like the color scheme and his outfit a lot JKWJKDJKDWJKD so like i forgive it

w the girlies i overall find them all like. quite nice but so far without any personality + lore known its hard to settle my complete thoughts on them just yet. tho citlali being pink is super refreshing for genshin since we do have a shocking absence of it so like shes definitely one im drawn to, chasca looks interesting and like she could play a bigger part plot wise (maybe?) so that might be neat. both her and citlali being cryo is kinda surprising?? but cool. maybe ill get to unbench my shenhe and play some cryo teams again lmao freeze has been dead in abyss for so long now....

xilonen again w the kemomimi isnt sth im particularly into or not into but she looks cool, depending on personality and how her kit synergies turn out (+ assuming the chiori rerun, the fate of those pulls too), i might try for her as well? theres an Energy to her i like it. if she has proper Attitude and flair thats gonna be a massive bonus for me

mualani i think is rather bland to me, sth about her outfit and design just doesnt click for me even if the shark thing from the teaser before is neat and everything. the chibis are never sth im actively drawn to but like both do look okay, im kinda hoping kachina could be a lynette moment for 5.x and end up a free 4* since her exploration roomba looks p fun

anyway then theres. mavuika and i. well at least the design wasnt. That concept art one (ThoseWhoKnow...) . so instant massive W improvement solely on that basis holy fucking shit but ehhhhh im sorry i still dont know how to feel abt the very modern like. biker bodysuit thingy. im not a huge fan of the bodysuit type designs anyway so its not that surprising but still. her eyes + hair is absolutely stunning tho like not a question at all.

tbh in a way i kinda feel like having too many Thoughts on her design is kinda just unnecessary bc like. shes the archon. of Course the kit is going to be insane so i will get her anyway (UNLESS a pyro onfielder JKWJKJKWJKWJKWFKJ like god please no). and in terms of like is her design and energy from what this vid is giving us good enough that i wont like. Actively resent having to get her for meta and strong teams??? Absolutely. so in that sense ig its all cool lmao

but yeah. idk i just think as a teaser for the upcoming story its rly a shame how weak this felt for me???? like sure overture ended up being a bit of a misleading teaser since it gave the impression of arle as this mastermind of the fontaine AQ which didnt rly happen but it still served as a source of hype and intrigue. and yes lazzo is sth that can Never rly be beat in terms of how out of nowhere it was and how fucking insane the whole harbinger reveal went (+ elogia cinerosa existing) for lore and long term hype but its just. unfortunately those 2 are the regional teasers this natlan one is supposedly meant to parallel and it just didnt deliver anything comparable to those for me

like still looking forward to natlan and seeing the rest of its cast (like im fairly convinced the flame thingy might be xbalanque and hes gonna be a big deal ultimately or sth) and where it goes and all its environments but this trailer didnt rly. grip me the way i wouldve expected it to. which is unfortunate kdjkdwjkwjkdwj but yea thats all

[enlighten3d]

i know i said id write this post four hours ago but i had to do the merge dragons event. anyway.

WINGS ! how the fuck would they be treated on smps where theres pvp? (this is an au where Everyone has wings. and talons but well get into that Later. this is about the wings sdhkjgl)

(context post btw: here)

they are very much a weak point in combat, id saying. if you fuck someones wings up, they are done for. cant fly away, permanent damage. and theres not many ways to defend them (beyond putting armour on the flesh and bone part of the wing - which would do a lot more than it sounds like!). so i do think that it would be social taboo to go for someones wings in battle.

but even if it is social taboo.. accidents happen, and it works differently on different servers, right? and thats what this post is about ! focusing on smps where theres actual Combat (sorry hermitcrafters and kww collab fans)

first off, my beloved.. the dream smp. honestly! i think people would NOT go for the wings. there may be wars and actually genuinely fucked up stuff, but going for the wings in a fight is taking it too far. accidents have DEFINITELY happened tho, what with the sheer amount of withers and explosions. like phils wings being fucked up! yes i know thats a canon thing but im using it to prove my point here. the EXCEPTION to this 'people not intentionally going for the wings' thing is, well. c!dream. the fucker would INSTANTLY go for the wings whenever he has an opportunity. its a weak point, of course he'd abuse the fuck out of it, like. its impossible to expect anything otherwise.

lifesteal!! this ones fun to me because i think theyd have Concrete Rules on this. like they already do! from off the top of my head, i remember that netherite armour is banned, for example. i think going for the wings would just be... another thing thats banned. and no matter how deep into the Lore that people get, those rules are GEEENERALLYYYYY followed. the wings one for sure is. it may be the dEaDlIeSt SeRvEr, but theyre all there willingly. getting their wings fucked up is not something ANYONE wants. i dont know enough about lifesteal to pinpoint specific times that Accidents wouldve happened but! whatever. this is one rule that they always follow i think. (please dont kill me for this one if you disagree, i havent watched enough lifesteal)

now the life series... naturally, going for the wings is banned. ..but only nominally, really. all bets are off when youre on red, right? i really dont think there could be anything to stop people on red from going for peoples wings in fights. i mean, depending on your interpretation of the life series (as in, does being on red actually make someone Bloodthirsty like most common fanon, or is it just a Thing that lets someone attack others?), this can change, but i like the first one, so with that in mind... yeah nothing would stop people on red from going for the wings. this only gets MORE INTERESTING if you believe life series and hermitcraft to be connected in some way... with the inevitable wing injuries that would come from the life series, if they just... go back to hermitcraft and other servers afrterwards... if those injuries are permanent (which i do believe they are), then... oh that would be Something hehe. keeping this in my back pocket a fic idea, yall are free to yoink it.

and last but not least, bcs i dont actually watch that many smps (esp not with fighting) or whatever... unstable universe. pretty much what i said for lifesteal! like! i dont see any reason why itd be any different. yes unstableverse doesnt have Rules like lifesteal, but... theyre mostly the same people. if they can follow that Rule in lifesteal, combined with the social taboo thing, i think that they wouldnt really go for the wings. thats just a line you dont cross. (..also wemmbu did canonically yoink Most of the elytras on the whole server at one point, and in this context i think it would be funny if he just somehow managed to disable flight for a while, but thats a whole other thing unrelated to wings in combat lmao)

ANYWAY YEAH THATS THAT. I HAVE SOOOO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW WINGS IN COMBAT WOULD ACTUALLY WORK. might write a post about that.

this is all headcanons !! im making shit up, as always !! o7

[loathsomespider]

to be clear this is not an attack on you and i enjoy your work. you dont even have to answer this if its too rude or presumptuous in your opinion. but i think its funny seeing your "definitively, if its the source material, they would fucking say that" post while knowing how you feel about the weaker parts of homestuck and also the uh. the epilogues. again this isnt supposed to be an epic own gotcha moment i think everyone is allowed to contain multitudes and shit. im just also a bit mischievous and part of me wants to be the little wondershowzen puppet going "But can we discuss the contradiction"

ah too bad you wanted to be a silly little gotcha puppet but i was thinking about this too! hold my hair back im forming this idea in real time so im about to start just vomiting the fuck up a bunch of half-formed ideas. (this is the second time today ive used this analogy)

the thing is that while i dont like the homestuck epilogues at all, there's no denying that it is largely, in-character, in broad strokes. it's a story which relies on every character being their worst possible self, sure. it is, in a lot of ways, a very public, very messy relapse. it gets at some really ugly parts of what the characters are, and that's just not what i want from homestuck.

it's part of a larger trend of hussie trying really hard to Make Dramatic Art and Tell Stories With A Point that i think really plays against what theyre good at, like. you see this with psycholonials too, just this idea of storytelling where nothing good ever happens and every character is not just flawed, but unbearably, noxiously toxic. and yknow, that's fine too, its literally not an invalid goal for a story to have.

its just not what i really like about homestuck and to a lesser extent problem sleuth. like, as messy as my feelings are about psycholonials, i still think fondly of zhen as a character even if she is the worst person to ever exist.

its like they took "dave being abused by bro came out of nowhere, the rooftop strifes dont really feel textually different from the other guardian strifes" all the way to heart and way overcorrected.

but all that to say, the worst possible self-hood apple hasnt fallen too far from the tree. and that's not strictly an invalid thing to tell a story about. it's just not what i want out of homestuck. and the tangible difference there, imo, is that puts the onus of not liking it on me, rather than hussie, cephiedvariable and ctset. they set out to do something, i didn't like what they did, i had an extended mental breakdown about it that i am still feeling the ramifications of even now, but at some point, the world continued to turn.

i hope you can kind of sense this feeling in bdth - while they aren't really in the running to be main characters or anything, rosebot, pesterquest rose, and candy rose are all real in burning down the house. i may be taking jane in a different direction, but that different direction is still in terms of hs2 jane. hell, tavros crocker gets a cameo in the walkaround

and yeah, this is to emphasize the contrast bdth jane against post-canon jane, but in order for that contrast to mean anything, those parts of the character have to have meaning enough to be rejected, which is the real point im getting at. it sort of drives home that i'm not just *really fucking up* at writing jane, too, which is actually more important than youd think.

ignoring the textual parts of a character you dont like because it conflicts with what you want the character to be (an image that you construct and maintain on your own, unintentionally) is a great way to wind up doing bad characterization of that character.

and yknow, sometimes that's fine! if your reach never gets beyond making an incorrect quotes blog, that doesnt matter. who give a shit. besides me, historys most notorious hater, who will seethe about a bad character take for weeks on end. (but i am the exception, not the rule)

if you're really swinging for the fences as i tend to do, at all times, even when i would be best suited not to, it just doesnt sit right to me to drop bits of a character you dont like just because you dont like it. when youre writing, its there specifically to be played with. and again, "playing with it" here still encompasses rejecting it and doing something different.

and yeah, different authors are going to focus on different parts of a character, but then youre getting out of the scope of this post tbh. but i think its worth remembering that nobody ever wants to make something bad on purpose. even intentionally making something bad on purpose is something you would want to succeed at, you dont want to fail at making something bad on purpose, etc. etc. this is stupid.

tl;dr its not actually that contradictory imo

[thornswoggled]

okay stream of consciousness thoughts about chapter 103 because that was. kind of a lot

we have to remind the reader that stella still exists

in fact lets remind them that chapter 97 happened at all

some confirmation that the new mage has a similarly aloof and misanthropic world view as other mages we already know. it doesnt matter if humans get eaten because its all toward a desirable end. reminds me very much of kyokos "the familiars eat the weak humans and turn into witches, then we eat those witches" speech. this coldness makes me think chise might be in a spot of trouble if they really earnestly try to recruit her again, or that elias may be able to have some self-satisfaction from knowing all along that their intentions are not pure

who is the "he" the apprentice wants to meet. the dragon???

this is the horniest title page weve gotten in like, a while

"dear chise. we will be running tests on you. <3" can one of them be an autism eval

okay so zoey was feeling bad because he was going birdmode. i guess when titania did whatever she did to him in chapter 99 it jumpstarted a sort of evolutionary process. strikes me as the sort of thing a creature like her would do. i imagine this will cause maximum ride-esque problems for him in public. he will have to wear a trench coat. you look like youre about to tell your friend not to come to school tomorrow. etc.

"atavism, atavism" ... the last time we heard that mentioned was from yori in 98. maybe warming us up for whatever this is? i have to wonder what the point of this small wing growth plot is. a result of heightened chaotic magic in the country?

this chapter takes place on my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seems fitting too, this chapter feels like "things are about to change, right fucking now," so having this all happen on the last day of the year feels right

a new scene!! pretty cool, and an allusion that the business with jasper is over and settled. it didnt occur to me until now that hes gone without any mention. gone as quickly as he showed up. SAD! well theres other guys

i dont think ill ever understand why chise is able to turn into a dragon unless its spelled out to me like im five. especially since the type of dragon that cursed her isnt even the same kind

"causes and factors attract and amplify each other" = "the shape goes into a shape press that presses the shape into a pressed shape"

elias is capable of bridal-carrying someone who isnt chise but hes tangentially linked to chise so it doesnt really count

a precious few pages dedicated to the fact that joseph may have at one point known how or why elias was "made." the type of creature he is is a "shadowborn," but this feels like a new translation of something that used to be called something different. elias notes that fae call him "shadowborn" as well. is this a reinterpretation of "half-made" or similar phrases?

also, i like elias' insistence that joseph cough up any information he has. yes, elias, id like to know too, keep shaking that boy

joseph bluntly demanding that chise carry him and her just being like. okay. your honor i love them they are total freaks of nature

confirmation that when chise said "priors...?" it means that she never found out that elias used to throw away her college recruitment letters. that was pretty damn funny

so theres a chance this "beyond the great wall" line did not mean what i thought it meant and now the egg is probably on my face. yamazaki listen to me very closely. what did you mean by that. besides yet another "well well well chise it looks like youre going to finally be cured of your lucky girl syndrome and bad shit will actually start happening to you for real now" line because we have GOTTEN that already

im gonna level with you i dont know who hilda is. are we supposed to know who hilda is? is she the st georges mom? she might be. she probably is. okay i just looked it up and she is

and shes flying to iceland! presumably to consult with lindel about all this dragon business. i wonder if this will be the event that prompts him to appear in london where he has that tense standoff with chise and elias

i have no idea what the bottom half of the last page is trying to communicate, who is speaking, etc

so yeah this all very much feels like a "things are ramping up and heres where all the respective parties we care about are right now" chapter. a lot to chew on

[ix-astra]

some goldenpage hcs post bc i have No Art only hundreds of wips 🫶

goldenpage pairing name because its their last names together and i thought it was cute :] aslans last name is actually aureus but it means golden so ! close enough

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS !! we know this, childhood friends to lovers trope 🫶 since aslan isn't the mc in our silly hpma universe, they met when they were 5 during one of the aureus's vacation trips instead, after aslan's parents saw how enthusiastic and happy he is with his new friend they decided that there was no harm in frequently coming back there for their vacations

anyone with ears that come close to little aslan had definitely heard about this daniel at least thrice . boy would not stop talking about the adorable friend he made, cassandra suffered through it the most and when she first encountered daniel in hogwarts still not knowing its aslan's daniel she went "god, you share the name of the boy aslan wouldn't stop talking about. of course you do"

they used to play house when they were itty bitty, asked aslan's mom for one of her rings because she and her husband wore one and things clicked in her mind . got them their own custom pair that'll fit them when they're older and once they are they use it as their real marriage rings

charlotte and arthur, aslan's parents, actually had to halt all arranged marriage proposals to save themselves the trouble of having to cancel when the two did get together, they had an intuition (charlotte used to look at arthur the same way, still does ! they just Knew)

they had a shared frog named mrs. ribbit-ton, they had found her together and aslan decided he wanted to keep her (the start of his finding animals and deciding to keep them habit)

aslan truly really absolutely is capable of doing many-a-things himself but his parents had taught him that love can be conveyed beyond words and through actions and thoughts as well and thaaaaat lead to aslan happily asking daniel for help with the little things, poor boy has to straighten out aslan's tie and brush back his hair in the mornings, this doesnt go without unserious teasing over how aslan would be helpless without daniel of course

extension from that, goldenpage can absolutely understand each other without words, someone could be speaking and one would make the slightest expression change and the other would accidentally burst out laughing

they formed a habit of hand holding :] !! aslan would sometimes look at his hand and daniel would instinctively come to hold it, sometimes aslan would just be writing and looking at what he's jotted down when daniel comes to lace their fingers together

aslan often asks daniel for help with his potions because no matter how well he gets the rest of it he always puts in too much magic </3 spells genius Can Not Potions

aslan sleeps over daniel's dorm more often than his own ! the other ravenclaw's joke that they're stealing him away from slytherin, it doesn't help that he frequently forgets to bring a change of slytherin uniform and has to go through the day in ravenclaw ones.. !

daniel's why aslan decides he wants to be a healer ! take that as you will

the "would you still love me if i was a worm" question but . its asked every time they accidentally fuck up a spell or potion, daniel's "would you still love me if i accidentally spilled an experimental potion on myself and shrank 30 times smaller" and aslan's "would you still love me if a spell went awry and i'm half beast as a result"

aslan first drunkenly confesses to daniel after the yule ball during year 4 after octavian spiked their group's drinks but it wasn't taken seriously not because of some sad miscommunication but because it was drunkenly said, they both know this and all is well

he does confess again for reals late into the same year though ! but aslan did not want daniel to feel like he had to give back and reciprocate just because of their history and daniel figured it would indeed be better if he thought on it for a while too, things resume as usual for them both ! the usual friend things they do that can in no way be interpreted as couple things /sarc

daniel does reciprocate by early sixth year ! their friends telling them that they Do Know because it was the only time they tried to be sneaky with their hand holding when they had thoughtlessly done it before and to their credit, nothing really changed, they were just as affectionate years before the confession is all 🫶 some people were surprised that they weren't already dating beforehand actually

they took a blood pact after graduation and before the am war (a major event in our little hpma universe) started because they both knew it was coming and what roles they'll be playing, "a blood pact, for wherever our paths may take us it'll never lead us against each other" and aslan jokes it sounded like a proposal . it is and he realizes this when daniel gives him an exasperated yet amused look

[thisdreamplace]

How did you reach a place where you can be happy and full of love no matter what? I hate feeling like I’ll be unsatisfied if my desires don’t manifest. I wish I could feel totally complete without them.

honestly by being willing to totally allow myself to surrender and let go and... allow. allow in general. you have to start to value yourself more than you value whatever manifestation u think will be the trick to fixing ur life. i will be completely transparent in saying i experienced a lot of heartache and pain on this journey as a whole, mostly from the fact i was the same way for a while. i put my wholeness into the manifestations without even realizing i was doing so. so i feel for everyone who gets stuck there bc sometimes u truly think ur doing things for urself but deep down, ur still living for the hope of a desire materializing. through all this time, i cried a lot but i also broke new heights of love, peace, and beauty. and i feel so much more stable and trusting of myself than i ever have. accept that this is a journey and you're just gonna have to be there for yourself, along for the ride ! <3

to be specific, on what i actually did, i firstly took a break off tumblr as some of you know. and i immediately started questioning everything and asking myself for the answers. things that didnt feel right to me i started to reject, and i started to accept things that everyone in the community made fun of. because i didnt care about anyone's beliefs anymore, i just knew it was time for me to live a life i actually wanted. and what was popular in the community was hurting more than helping. so i went all in ! i also allowed myself to revisit topics like deattachment and letting go, which actually helped a ton. after a couple months of starting to challenge my old belief system, i started to actually live again. (yall got a light taste of this energy when i did "love me february" earlier this year bc i slowly started doing new things) i started to push myself out of my comfort zone and go do things in real life, rather than sitting in my room telling myself "i dont have to lift a finger ! if i just sit in here in my mind it will surely happen" (i got tired of telling myself that after 2 years of a rather stagnant-feeling life) so i said fuck it and started doing things. which only snowballed because then i got comfortable doing things. and now ive had so much fucking fun in my life in just the past couple months. i only say that because it still blows my mind n i am beyond thankful for my experiences this year !

what i would like to help yall understand more than anything is this life was meant to be lived and experienced, period. without even realizing it, a lot of us do put life on hold because we're too busy worrying about our manifestation arriving because we put so much weight into that being the thing that will finally be the pinnacle of happiness for us, we ignore everything else already in front of us. its truly a thing like. take it step by step, little things that are out of your norm and you will see the way life responds to you so beautifully ! i love experiencing myself through others and life as a whole n not just thru my mind sitting on my bed everyday !! its great !! but it wasnt some manifestation that got me out there, it was me being done with waiting on shit to change. i just went out there to see what happens, while also keeping my spiritual practice important to me, and it was like magic tbh.

so to simplify. challenge what doesnt feel right. allow what feels right. and allow yourself to actually live and experience life along the way. nothing that is in front of you at this moment, is an obstacle or something you need to pretend isnt there. take what you have and let it be part of what guides you. make that your goal. feeling complete. (or whatever you want, really) when that is your goal, instead of your desire, you wake up everyday and make decisions based on your true self. not that egotistic urge for results.

i hope this helps ! <3 you so deserve to live a full life, no matter what is in front of you. and the thing is that what the greats say is so true. you dont need to be so focused on a desire to force it into being. life responds to you perfectly when youre just busy loving yourself and making the most out of each day. :') things just happen with ease and so beautifully. <3

idky but this q also gives me this post’s vibes hehe ;-;

[butchpeabody]

Zetto and/or Kizuna for the character ask?

once again for this...i shall take more if anyone wants to send

under the a cut once again!

ZETTO:

favorite thing about them: when i was a kid the kirb/zetto twist did genuinely make me insane. in a good way. i think hes a really fascinating character in his like...Mentality Switches between personas yk. guy whos a jerk in a funny way vs guy who just actually sucks

least favorite thing about them: honestly i wish it was just made more clear during like episode zero or smth what his stance in sofdti as like....a living thang was? not that it would matter much in the grand scheme of his development but idk kizuna said some SHIT yk

favorite line: id probably say like...a lot of stuff from the nylocke battle in the gemini tournament. absolute lowest point of that guy its really interesting. (obligatory MY ARM AAAAAGHHHHH mention purely because holy shit he was screaming)

brotp: HIM AND GAMESOFT oh my godd them together. aughh. the only two guys who Know the guys who can talk abt shit and he can be sad. solace in understanding and so on

otp: i know its basic but like....alphazet mannn. everything abt the two of them was PAINFULLY gay and its honestly kind of funny kirb (the guy not the character) didnt notice. runner up is him and nylocke becahse i just think they are silly and funny

notp: i dont really have anyone with him that i actively LOATHE but i think its probbably him and kizuna. putting my personal gay zetto hc aside i think theyd both be wayy too codependent unless they got like. therapy. i know a lot of what ive been saying so far makes it sound like i hate kizuna but i dont i PROMISE

random headcanon: i feel like postseries hed find a way to set gs up with a virtual machine desktop of her own so her knowledge of the world can extend beyond what she knows in tome. they spend time bonding over computer science n junk :)

unpopular opinion: im honestly never good at this part but as an adult with better drawing skills now...i actually like drawing his hair

song i associate with them: zetto was never someone i had much of a playlist for back in the day so i had to scrounge a bit but i think i found something satisfactory

favorite picture of them:

KIZUNA:

favorite thing about them: REALLY underrated secondary antagonist, interesting moral code, she has insane girlie guilt over her actions that doesnt get explored enough.....and shes a kitty cat :)

least favorite thing about them: her arc in the original series was like...a little inconclusive? i wish she couldve come to terms with sofdtis sentience and whatnot. the trajectory of a2z is changing her in a way im really liking so far though! im excited to see where she goes

favorite line: that whole rant at the tail end of the series where shes just like. a bunch of people she cared about almost died and she was freaking the fuck out. it hurts....i love her she needs THERAPYY

brotp: she doesnt get to interact with too many characters during the series but in my perfect world i think shed be chill with demonking. dont question my madness i know im right

otp: re the previous answer she doesnt interact with a lot of characters, on this note Especially im hesitant to give a definitive answer but i think if her parallels with flamey were more explored...in my perfect world.........theyd work so spicily

notp: same as zetto but also tacking gs onto this. less out of kizunas ability to see her as a person currently and more that in the future if/when she does end up coming around i do feel like gs would still be hurt by it. theyd be buddies tho:)

random headcanon: with the rpg version of tigerlily i sometimes wish that series kizuna had like...a secret lil roleplay presence. not necessarily on tome itself but she has to cool of SOMEHOW right. she made an anime catgirl avatar i KNOW she has thoughts about that shit

unpopular opinion about them: kizuna is probably the most divisive character ive done for this so far...all i can really say is like...i joke about supporting womens wrongs and stuff but i think introspectively she does have a lot of potential as a character that we dont see a lot of because most of the scenes with her are from zettos perspective. AGAIN tho im reallly liking where a2z is taking her so far i hope i get more scraps

song i associate with them: much like zetto she wasnt someone i had playlists for back in the day however unlike zetto i have the PERFECT one for her. nonexistent meet-cute (idlyam) by vylet pony.... feeling it

favorite picture of them:

[randombubblegum]

i have so much to say about parx and fuck about it and i’m sorry but i’m unloading it on to you. so unfortunately:( i do like it. and even bigger unfortunately i think i’m really gonna like parx5. not in like a twitter stan awsten can do no wrong way but in a way that some of these lyrics are hitting for me the way they used to. i know a lot of them are like REALLY BAD but some of them are really tapping into the “unhealthy relationship all about sex” part of my life that has me Feeling It. and because of that fuck about it literally made me unhinged. because it’s SO different from how awsten used to write. and 90% of me knows it’s because he’s trying to reach this tik tok kind of clout where you have one Zinger of a line that goes viral and yadda yadda yadda. it’s the same thing he did for GH. he’s trying so hard to be down with the kids. but that other 10% of me really thinks this kind of writing (mainly in FAB and brainwashed) but this like overly sexual kind of writing really just shows how different he sees these girls than he did ciara. like DD and Ent had so many metaphors for sex that were coded in love that you wouldn’t catch it if you didn’t know. (also where i think the “awsten is a virgin” joke started) but it was because he loved her so much and so differently that sex wasn’t all there was. but with dog girl and song girl that’s really all they have. and the lyrics are a lot more explicit “i am having sex” because he doesn’t care about them beyond that. i mean “give me 3 days, 3 days alone” is a loooong way from “who needs space from across the country” and anyway i like to shit on the new music as much as the next person and i think his song writing has really gone downhill but every now and then there are still parts of that good shit in there, it’s just different because HE is different.

i am so sorry for this long as message but no one will discuss parx with me so alas, here i am. 😔💚

ok i gotta admit i was bristling by the middle of this ask but i think you make some good points actually LOL. points that make awsten look like a fucking douchebag asshole, but points none the less.

ent and dd DID have coded lyrics for sex in then!!! a lot of little lyrical nods up until fandom actually, and i think thats very natural for awsten to write. like That is how he chooses to write about sex, when he does at all. and in the relationships and feelings he was in at the time (ciara, but also the gr*ce breakup… and you know who was involved with that one…?) there WAS more than sex to make them emotionally impactful for him!!!! theres songs about the longing and chasing and aching and hurting and gutting and joy and anger about ciara over THREE albums!!!!!!!!

in contrast we know for a fact he never gave even half a shit about dog girl emotionally. its clear not only in his lyrics but in how he acted to her and what she said about him. truly i cannot imagine he feels anything deeper for song girl besides “shes hot, i bagged her like im supposed to, this is what men do, im performing heterosexuality correctly” and a dash of intense codependence on her end lol

BUT, and this is a huge but, this is giving him a LOT of credit that hes not just shitting ~toxic edgy~ lyrics out for tiktok, bc thats what tiktok likes. these lyrics and ways of writing are SO hateful to the actual girls hes talking about and SO unlike his literal entire personality up until now that its baffling. it doesnt feel like hes genuinely writing from his own experiences.

i can understand and sympathize with you liking these lyrics bc theyre personally relatable to you at this chaotic self destructive time in your life but that truly does not make them good or deep no matter how much benefit we give him by trying to assign them deeper meaning

[thatstroubling]

DANGANRONPA V3 SPOILERS FOR TRIAL 5 2/3

continuing...(I made it into one post so it wouldn't be spamming your dash)

this is incredible incredible incredible

What is this, a K-drama?! Ahhh, how meaningful it is, writers went offff

___________________________

10/10 Trial, this is so gooooooood :D

MONOKUMA DOESNT KNOW!

KAITO YOURE SO CLOSE DONT FUCK IT UP

SHUICHI YOU'RE SO CLOSE, SEE BEYOND THE TRUTH AND NOT THE ACTUAL TRUTH PLEASE

___________________________

oh I can FEEL Kaito grinning from the Exisal and Kokichi giggling from the afterlife, all satisfied, silently cheering them on 💙

___________________________

IT'S NOT FAAAAAIIRR and it's really not okay (you're supposed to care but all you do is take)

___________________________

Here's a random fact: I've been listening to the Kokichi's voice file to fall asleep for about a month (I usually fall asleep around the 2min mark) and even though I had no idea what he was talking about most of the time before starting V3, there were 2 parts of the whole 75min file that I assumed were totally made up or spoken in an alternate reality or something because they just seemed so jarring. The first one being the Meteorites and This School Is Mine! part and the other one being exactly this segment. It's not because it's so unbelievable that Kokichi would challenge him but because his delivery sounded just a tad insincere and calculated compared to the rest of the voice lines. But, it's real, wow. I do know at least why he doesn't sound like himself here 😭

___________________________

Not a big fan of how they tied up the previous games with this one but I guess it doesn't matter in the end that much

___________________________

HERE WE GOOOO

God I can't wait for everyone's reactions

Edit: Maki. It was Maki who could articulate it first. Of course.

___________________________

Kokichi being so uncharacteristically nervous makes ME nervous ha ha 😥, great performance (I checked the Japanese version too, also flawless)

___________________________

NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...okay fine I want to hear him explain

___________________________

I have this image in my head of Shuichi (probably a version of him that enjoyed the Love Hotel dreams with Kokichi lol) just jumping over the podium and trying to attack the Exisal out of sheer frustration of how unfair it all is. But that's not gonna happen because he's closer to Kaito as any normal person would, so he'll be going through a different hell than I 😰. So I guess our motivations are parting ways here, you sweet nerd. Hope I still like the ending in spite of that (cause oh boy did I HATE the conclussion of Ch5 in sdr2 bexause of the dissonance)

___________________________

Maki...no...don't...

___________________________

Kaito.. hold it together please ...I know it's hard to watch...

___________________________

I'm fucking sobbing my heart out, taking back the Jumping Over the Podium AU, we defeating this with the power of love and friendship as we should! Let's fucking go!

This is truly A moment.

...But...it can't work anymore, can it?

[gayspock]

ok im into generations

right so i wasnt sute about this one bc ok as ive said im not a huge tng fan + combine that with what ive heard about kirk in this one im kinda really scared 3:

also update: we got to order indian which my family usually arent onboard with but... :3 idc... im enjoying it yammy yammyyyyyyy

CAN I ALSO SAY. IM THE FUNNIEST BITCH EVER FOR WATCHING TREK TO STOP BIRTHDAY BLUES AND IT JUST MAKING ME EMO AS HELL ANYWAYS

hi oh MY GOD SHES SO PRRTTY OHHHH MY GODDDD HIII DEMORA HIII GIRLLIEEEE

also god ... this one makes me emo FUCK OFF THE END OF UNDISCOVERED CPUNTRY MADE ME FUCKING EMO GOD FUCKING HELL

god seriously though im trying not to be emo im meant to be watching these to not be emo but it does make me sad sometimes even watching stories like these thinking about where im gonna be if i make it to my 60s onwards like kirk + knowing i wont even have enterprise moments to look back on something something i never lived instead there was just a sad little hollow existence ... you guysknow what i mean. i wish i could be in the stars forever....

also it is funny how like so many of the trek movies are about how washed up kirk is its so fucking funny like we've been doing this bit since motion picture LOL

A

ALSO WAIT

HANG ON

CONNOR?

CONNOR JUMPSCARE CONNOR ROY JUMPSCARE

fucking connor typica- TIM RUSS?

if theres one thing about tim russ is that he'll be in a star trek showw or movie it doesnt even matter any more-

hi guinan . what the dickens.

also guys i ate too much food tummy hurt

also woag... 78 years later

ALSO YOU GUYS ARE ALL TAKING THE MICK LIKE "DONT TELL ME TUESDAY" WELL CAPTAIN CONNOR ROY DIDNT WANNA GO AFTER THEM KNOWING WHAT HE KNEW ABOUT THE SHIP YOU GUYS JUST BUGGERED OFF

come on kirk lets go girlie

the enterrprise is seriously like the pear wiggler

uhm

uhm

ehrm

NO SERIOUSLY IMAGINE BEING SCOTTY HERE ANDTHEY JUST LOSE KIRK

OH GOD IMAGINE BEING CAPTAIN CONNOR ROY. sorry i dont remember his seriouss name

oh fucking hell oh god WHY DID YOU GUYS DO THIS. JESUS FU CKING CHRIST. THIS IS SUCH A HARROWING END I... GOOD FUCKING HEAVENS . LIKE EVN THOUGH I KNOW HES SOMEHOW OKAY I CANT FATHOM IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE. JESUS.

HI WORF

HI RIKER

HI GEORDI

HI TROI

HI CRUSHER

HI DATA

.... hi picard. i guess. 😒

SORRY I FORGOT SHIT I ACTUALLY DO MISS THEM.

also god everyone can we be hoenst i did start to not like data as much not so much because of the show but basically just existing in fan space kind of really started to ruin him as a character for me but i will be honest him pushing bevs into the water and everyone being mad bc he just tried to match their energy yeah okay i feel that data sniff okay

ALSO PICARD SNAPPING. I LIKE IT WHEN HES A CUNT FRANKLY. I HATE IT WHENEVER THEY TRY TO MIDDLE GROUND IT WITH HIM. LOSER BEHAVIOUR. HES BEST WHEN HES FUCKING HORRIBLE TO PEOPLE AND I STAND BY THAT NO ON ELSE GETS ME

so is this where they find kirk

you know whats fucked up is spock is still alive somewhere ... ugh thatbreaks my heart SORRY. [looks shy] LIKE ... I ASSUME KIRK DIES BEFORE THE END OF THE MOVIE SO THEY NEVER MEET AGAIN FUCKING FINE DOES ANYONE TELL HIM WHAT HAPPENED THOUGH I'M- im going to kill myself

fucking hell though imagine if you pulled

YAAAYYY SPOOIT HI SPOT HIS PSOT BABY HIII SPOT HIIII SPOT HI BABY HI SPOTHIS SPOT

FUCK OFF

BRING SPOT BACK

CAN WE GET A SPOT CAM

i'll kms

oh god fucking- I FORGOT EMOTION CHIP WAS IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE. KILL YOUTSELVES. I HATE THIS. ITS BEYOND THE WORST FUCKIGN FECISION YVOEU EVE SORRY IM SEEING RED THIS IS WEHY I SHOULDTA HEV WATHCE ok breathe im breathing im normal im in and out breathing

he doesnt keep it thoughdoes he like

ugh

i feel like there is a way to do the emotion chip imagine if theyused it as a metaphor forlike.. masking, maybe and it really just made it all the worse for him and he rejected it bc he- YOU KNOW HES HAD EMOTIONS ALL ALONG THEYRE JUST NO THTE SAME AS YOURS ... I HATE MY LIFE I HATE ALL OF- BONG

me: gosh golly i mean how can i articulate my emotions regarding the emotion chip

also this cunt soran is just dickin about innit also do i just recognise him ta clockwork orange posters (has never seen the actual movie) where else have i seen him has he just got a face on him or what

NO DATA IS SO REAL FOR THIS WHO DOESNT REMEMBER SOMETHING 10 BILLION YEARS AGO AND HAVE A RIGHT GIGGLE

also you'd think regarding the data chip there'd be more of a fuss about him sticking it in considering what occurred to lore

GOD

THE WAY GEORDI DOESNT EVEN FIND HIM FUNNY. CLASSIC. AS IT SHOULD BE. THATS NOT OUR DATA IS IT NOW.

thatbing said im also a little sad like hes just learnt humour ITS RATHER NOVEL TO HIM . SORRY IF THAT MAKES ME SICK TO DEFEND IT.

okay there we go a complicat- JESUS THAT SUBTLE EFFECT ON HIS MOUTH THAT WAS SCARY DONTDO THAT EEEK HEAVENS

OH GOOD HEAVENS

THIS TIME IN: DATA LEARNS WHAT FEAR IS

THATS SO FUNNY SORRY i shouldnt laugh

eek.

you know what thats also funny to think about how like picard and such would have like super HD pics of them as kids do you know what i mean because when i see older people i think god theres only shitty pics of you when you were little bc cameras wont commonpla-

uhm

sorry picard is crying

i feel uncomfortable

dont fucking do that im a capricorn i w

oh jesus what the fuck . oh good fucking heavens i . I FUCKING HELL CAN I SAY IF I WAS A COUNSELOR LIKE TROI I'D KILL MYSELF A MILLION TIMES IM SO UNCOMFORTABL PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME

OH DEAR LORD

"the closest i'd get to having a child of my own" wyou've got some juice in you old man come on get fucking then

UGH OF COURSE PICARD HAS SOME FUCKING GRANDIOSE FUCKING FAMILY LINE. WHY. i thought it made more sense him being a smalltown little farmer or whatever. ANYWAY HE SHOULD BE LIKE ME. MY GRANDAD DROVE LORRIES FOR ASDA.

anyway what i was sayinh oh yes the pictures its strange i guess thinking about them being so farin the future sometimes when it comes to little things

what i will say is the second a klingon woman shows up with brilliant cleavage im like on my knees begging and i dont even know what for half the time im just like [whining noise] .. uhm. god i hope people dont read these lbs anyways

can we be nice to geordi for once- MORE NORMALYOU'LL END UP ON YOUR ASS CUNT

YEESH

CUNTYOU KLNOW WHATS ABNORMAL IS YOUR FUCKING HAIRLINE ITS GIVING JEFF WINGER FROM COMMUNITY sorry

GEORDI IS MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND

if i was data and i was feeling emotions for the first time i'd be crying throwing up being sick gaspig for geordi. i know this because im doing it anyways and im not even involved really

OKAY NO YEAH

YEAH ME TOO

I'D BE LIKE KMS JUST DO IT I HATE THIS SO ME BESTIE

PICARD

PICARD LET HIM FUCKING GO BEDDY BYES AREGHGHHH

also again me watching trek movies to escape my existential dread but good heavens every single time they get super existential wrt time and whatnot STOP IT. QUIT IT OUT

"the only engineer in starfleet that doesnt go to engineering" HELP LEA HIM AL-GJA0-GKAGKS[DGOSD[GOSDG

I JUST. LOVE. SCANNING FOR LIFE FORMS

ok his cute little doo doo doo okay

THESE KLINGON WOMAN SO HOT

god it wouldnt be a star trek movie if we didnt blow the shit out of the enterprise

dont get me wrong her hair is gorgeous still but ugh i wish troi got to have her little curlie whirlies

i need the klingon woman to

sorry

stop sentence

im

theyve exploded now so i'll behave

also we're like an hour in and kirk hasnt reappeared which makes this hysterically funny if theyre going to have him pop up again for 0,2 seconds and then axe him like jesus christ way to kill him off thats so funny like is any of this worth it im bewildered

TBY THE WAY THE ENTERPRISE CRASHING IS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I SWEAR DOWN THEYVE REUSED THE SAME FOOTAGE OF IT CRASHING AND THEN CUTTING INTO ALL THE DRAMA ON THE SHIP ITSELF BUT LIKE, DOES IT MAKE SENSE THE FOOTAGE OF THE SHIP ITSELF ON THE EXTERIOR VIEW WILL BE LOOPING ITS POSITION HELP

also i said it earlier but i cant tell if soran(?) actually does look like jeff rom community or if im just focussing on the hairline am i crazy

HANG ON I WENT TO GOOGLE TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE THOUGHT IT AND THE CUNT WAS IN COMMUNITY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT

WHEN

I MEAN GRANTED IM TALKING MORESO ABOUT THE RESEMLANCE WITH HIM IN THIS MOVIE RATHER THAN HIM BEING OLDERHANG ON7

CAPTAIN picard waking up in - oh my god............. this is scary

NO THIS IS SCARY IM TERRIFIED

DONT DO THAT

ITHIS IS SCARTY

IM SCARED OF CHILDREN LOVING THEIR FATHERS

whos his wifey okay

generic woman thats so funny . kill yourself beverly crusher

rene ... sorry its so easy to forget picard is literally FRENCH with a BRITISH accent. double homicide. christ

hi guinan

also okay lets talk more about this movie. gusy lets talk about this movie.

"but these are all mine" is such a hysterically funny way to think of your kids

PA PA. HELP ME BUILD MY CARSTLE. PA PA FANK YOU FOR THE DOLLS. SHE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL. GOD PICARD IM SORRY BUT I CANT COPE WITH YOUR KIDS victorian ASS CHILDREN AND YOU DONT EVEN GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT YOUR WIFE . FUCKING HLL PICARD. TRUE MIRROR OF YOUR PSYCHE

NOW KIRK FINALLY REAPPEARS WHAT IS HE JUST.... CHOPPING WOOD THIS IS SO FUNNY

aww he has a doggy and a clock with bones and-

HELP OF COURSE THEY GAVE JAMES A RANDOM WOMAN TOO THIS IS SO FUNNY ANTONIA WHO THE HELL IS ANTONIA GOD BLESS US ALL ITS SO FUNNY AS IF

i love kirk im sorry i stand by it when he just fucking has a new woman every fucking day of the week why not .. have fun

THIS IS SO FUNN Y I DONT KNOW WHY I ASSUMED KIRK WOULD HAVE A BIGGER ROLE IN THIS GOD BLESS

"youre a starfleet officer. you have a duty." I MEAN HE WAS LIKE... LITERALLY KIND OF RETIRING MAN IN FAIRNESS.

why are they bonding over their lack of families . lonely middleaged men well. theres a solution like well

maybe boost . sorry not boost. "boost". i mean but the ghosts that boost reported. were right. and they should just have gay sex here to solve their problems . fill the holes in your hearts and the holes well i didnt say that who said that

AGAIN i guess they didnt want to isolate the audiences or whatever but god wouldnt it just . i dont know work better if you even chose carol and david or something like FUCKING ANTONIA. HELP. AND IS ANTONIA IN THE ROOM RIGHT NOW

OH MY GOD

HORSEGIRLS

STAR TREK EQUESTRIA NEW SERIES CALLED IT

I LOVE IT HEN MEN ARE HORSEGIRLS

aww the horsies love e- GUYS THE HORSIES LOVE EACH OTHER AND I WAS ABOUT TO GET WEEPY THINKING-

OKAY SO MY THOUGHT PROCESS JUST NOW WAS WAHH THE HORSES ARENT REAL THEYRE IN THE NEXUS > BUT OH GOD EVEN IF THEY WERENT THE HORSES ARENT REAL ITS A MOVIE > BUT WAIT OH MY GOD THE HORSES ARE REAL ACTUALLY IN REAL LIFE THEYRE NOT JUST A PROJECTION > OH FUCKING GOD THESE HORSES ARE PROBABLY LONG DEAD

SORRY

"dont let them do anything stay there" KIRK YOU ARE THE REASON THEYRE FUCKING WHEELING PATRICK STRWART AROUND FOR A THIRD SEASON IN 2023 YOU FUCKING MENACE

THANK GOD YOU MENTION SPOCK

sorry

PICARD ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO MENTION SPOCK IS STILL ALIVE AND THAT YOURE BESTIES WITH HIS LATE FATHER

and bones could be too i dont know he was alive in ep 1 of tng but frankly well yeah

WOAHHH HI KIRK

HES JAMES T KIRK. BITCH

so is james t kirk literally going to die HERE now because thats so funny imagine that youre stuck in limbo for 80 years and then you get out and instantly eat shit i mean theres a way to do that gracefully i think but this obviously well

SORRY I FEEL LIKE IM GOING INTO THIS WITH A PRECONCIEVEDNOTION ARENT I BUT ITS HARD NOT TO

also why do so many of kirks lines sound... whats the word? recorded and added back in later?i forget the term but it sou-

e

DID KIRK

STRAIGHT UP JUST

IN .2 SECONDS

I DONT KNOW WHY I

I EXPECTED LIKE SOME FANFARE DID HE JUST

HI IS KIRK DEAD DID I EVEN

CAN I PROCESS THAT KIRK IS DEAD? AM I ALLOWED TO?

HEY GUYS?

BLOW UP. BITCH. 4JESUS OKAY SO NOW WE

OKAY SO KIRKIS LIKE FUCKING

RIGHT FINE JESUS OK........

"IT WAS FUN. <3" #DIES

god how are we... are we just burying him here, too? like good lord i dont know what i expected cant we... i dont know. christ . it feels so messed up to see kirk die and have a moment with PICARD sbeing the only person just standing over his grave and for him-

SORRY I MEAN THIS IS IRONIC BECAUSE KIRK WAS ALSO A CRIMINAL ABOUT THIS BUT I DONT TAKE AS MUCH OFFENCE WITH TOS BECAUSE THATS JUSRT SORT OF TOS YOU KNOW BUT IM STILL VERY GRUMPY About picard in general + how hes used within tng anyways god i

data....?

SPOT?

SPOT ARE YOU OKAY

THANK GOD THANK FUCKING GOD

OH THANK FUCKING GOD OH CHRIST IM GOING TO CRY NO SHUT UP. THIS CAT IS FIGHTING FOT ITS LIFE

i will also say going back its always so funny how they do that bit with like ahhh damn the starfleet officers cant have families bc im sure theyve touched upon it with riker too but also like. thats just what makes sisko the fucking best isntit . HAHAHAAHHAHAAH., GOT EM

thanks riker. swing your big dick aaround

also can i be honest i didnt care about enterprise d being destroyed. smirk. there i said it. i wept in search for spock i will say i will profess to that but that was like real thi wasn stop imr emeebring

MOVIE OVER?

[blueeandyellowmakesgreen]

so. phinbella and byler.

thinking about this post where it compares byler and phinbella from phineas and ferb along with more important points and,,,

and the more i think about it, the more i get confident. bc im now realizing how.. alike the two pairings actually are, especially now that its official that will ripped off the bandaid and decided to move on.

yes im making a long-ass parallel analysis involving stranger things and phineas and ferb. dont talk to me

so in PnF, phineas and isabella are established as childhood best friends first, who clearly love each other. in how the episodes are set up, we always see isabella's pov and never get a glimpse of phineas'. mike and phineas are the same in regards to both being clearly intelligent leaders but oblivious as fuck when it comes to emotions or feelings. (lol though the difference between isabella and will is that isabella was BLATANTLY obvious and phineas' obliviousness was supposed to be played off as a joke bc of how dense he is)

but even if phineas is dense, he always, always showed signs of caring about isabella. some examples of what he did for her was building an entire haunted house to cure her hiccups, giving her an extravagant surprise birthday party, and even making a giant ice cream sundae to help cure her tonsilitis.

he also has instances where he just says shit friends arent Supposed to Say to Each Other

(hmm...who else do we see showing their friend a lot more attention and care that goes.. beyond platonic territory?)

phineas and mike are the same in the way they show a special kind of love to isabella and will. yes, they still both care about the others in their group, but other people can vouch they wouldn't do the things they did for anyone else other than their respective best friends. in core, it is romantic, even if the person doesnt know it is.

and as for the comparison between isabella and will, theyre devoted and head over heels in love with their best friends, but are terrified of how the other will think. they both also had moments where they pushed their own feelings aside for the good of the other and for their happiness, even if it means that isabella and will dont get what they want because they love them way too much.

anyway im mostly talking about mike and phineas here bc of the solidarity with their mind being full of rocks

so moving on to the episode where phinbella got together.

this episode was considered a miracle because we finally got to see both phineas and isabella's pov. isabella moved on during jhs and became more distant due to her planning for college and other volunteer work.

but even after everything, despite trying to forget phineas, it only took her seeing one photo of him for all of that effort to be in vain because she realizes that 10 years of friendship is too much to just 'get over'.

sound familiar on whose arc that's similar to? that's right, will. if we’re referring to the script, will is in the process of deciding to move on in s4 and keep his distance, accepting the fact he lost mike to el; when we as the viewers know he didnt. he's too caught up in his own insecurities to realize mike values him a lot, hence the bedroom scene between him and mike. will is gonna realize eventually that no matter how much he tries, he cannot let go of mike so easily considering their years of history.

as for phineas, its revealed he genuinely did not know that isabella loved him despite all the hints she gave to him. and its only after she left and became more distant during summer that phineas realizes how much he valued her, and even confirmed he started having feelings for her during high school. it also took other people to say it to his face that isabella had a giant crush on him for him to finally look for her and confess before she goes off to college.

again, another parallel! theyre both oblivious as fuck!

mike is confirmed by finn and the duffers that mike knows jack shit about what will feels. the script that was released showed us absolutely no insight on mike's thoughts, which is already telling on itself.

and in the end, phineas and isabella chased each other, talked, and finally admitted their feelings for one another and got together.

it leaves us the good kind of ambiguity that if mike is clueless, it doesnt mean he'll react to will negatively. thats the reason the possibility of mike finding out will lied about the painting is SO important because it's the end all be all moment for both of them. the ‘Oh.’ moment. so if mike and will just talk, then everything falls into place. they will have THE heart to heart.

so in conclusion, if we think about it this way and compared them both a bit more on how will 'ripped off the bandaid', it doesnt immediately mean its over. because like people said, will decided to move on, but that is not an utmost guarantee that the boy will. 10 years of feelings is not something you can forget or move past from. and lastly, we know nothing about mike's pov and how he's gonna take it if he does find out.

this realization also hit me harder on how fucking romantic coded byler is because of how many parallels we can pick up from these two alone. we have the perfect setup of person A falling in love and giving up. now, we're just missing person B’s realisation, then chasing A. finally they talk, probably kiss, and for once be on the same page.

this shit aint over, guys. byler is endgame.

[technowoah]

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

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