#it doesnt make me a shit person but i do feel guilty. and theres no reason for it

[brunetteaura]

alright something weird is going on. i sent my bestie 2 places i wanted to go to with her and she said that she will check her schedule and let me know when we can go. several days have passed and she said nothing so im assuming she doesnt want to go but doesnt have the balls to say so even though we have an incredibly honest relationship and have always been direct with each other. i think i should just go alone and not give a fuck

[shrikebrother]

🎓 student--raskolnikov

i swear to god if my landlord gives me any more shit im going to kill someone

#shut up rodia #vent

🎓 student--raskolnikov

oh my god

🎓 student--raskolnikov

what the fuck. what the fuck what the fuck

#my sister is getting engaged to some fucking douchebag #why???? she doesnt even like him they dont have ANYTHING in common #i dont understand #it doesnt make any sense this isnt like her at all #apparently she & my mom have some fucking. plan to ''help'' me by convincing him to let me work at his law firm #this isnt fair. she shouldnt be tying herself to some asshole she barely knows just for my sake #im not going to let this happen i cant have this happen #what kind of brother would i be to let this happen to her #god fuck you dunia why do you have to love me so much #fuck #i feel so guilty i dont know what to do #shut up rodia #vent

🎓 student--raskolnikov

ok u know what im gonna go on a walk i need to. calm down.

#shut up rodia

🎓 student--raskolnikov

??? theres a. drunk girl on the street. god she looks like 15 years old & some dude is perving on her. im gonna get him to fuck off

🎓 student--raskolnikov

a police officer got the guy to leave her alone & i even gave him money to get her a cab. why the fuck did i do that. i dont even care anymore. nothing matters. i hope everyone dies

#im such a shitty person just giving out money #my mom is taking that out her goddamn pention #shut up rodia #vent

🎓 student--rasknolnikov

ok uh. just as a hypothetical. if there was like. someone who took advantage of ppl & everyone hated would it be morally good to kill them

#i mean like . if society would be better off without them it shouldnt be a problem right #shut up rodia #rb for larger sample size please

🧹 lizavetaaaa

whhat the hell oh mmy god oh ny g;od

🧹 lizavetaaaa

my half sisster got fucickcing mur

💔 sadgirlsonia

liza ? what were u going to say ??? are u ok bestie???

#u havent replied to my dms pls im worried

[luonae]

scummy milo variant... aka a milo tailored for my questionable tastes. more about him under the cut

1) i think he would definitely be a variant of manipulation milo since this one relies on manipulation too. except instead of coming off as friendly and inserting himself in social circles this one would embrace this kinda emo or whatever look and a bad reputation because it makes him more attractive in a bad boy way

2) he plays with peoples feelings when they fall for him, using them to get money and information/blackmail on other people. he weaponizes his charms to get to people and once he got what he wanted and theyre no longer useful he throws them away and moves onto the next person

3) hes only doing this for eris of course. he has a tattoo of eris' initials in a heart on his neck (which would be really painful to get) to show his devotion. he may lie to his "lovers" about breaking up with eris to placate them but in the end theyre less than filth in his eyes; just a means to an end and nothing else. he absolutely despises when hes asked shit like "me or eris?" because he cant lie about that even if he must, so he often just says dont bring them up again and shuts the person down

4) unlike m milo, this one would be more willing to resort to violence if needed. hes not as violent as violence milo, but hes not particularly averse to it either. pick a fight with him over him stealing your girl or whatever and he will be knocking you out cold within 30 seconds and moving on with his day to smoke. he does frequently work out; maintaining his physique is important for his attractiveness after all (and the fights that come with it)

5) high alcohol tolerance. he gets people drunk to get information out of them. his size (and the fact he drinks a lot) mean he can hold his liquor well. after all, he himself cant get loose lipped. thats reserved for his victims. he needs to be sober to catch all the dirt they spill when drunk. besides he cant get himself into a vulnerable position like that.

6) probably almost got expelled multiple times, but he has his ways of keeping everything under control (blackmail)

7) cross him and youll face one of two fates: seduction or blackmail. i lied theres a third: getting your ass beat and thrown in the woods where no one will find you

8) lifeless eyes. his eyes only light up when he looks at or talks about eris. drops off everything he earned at eris' feet like a puppy and nuzzles up to them after a long day of being a bad boy. he will only get soft around them. he refuses to take orders from anyone else

9) really assertive. probably the most assertive of all milos, or up there with violence. he has manipulations confidence and violences ruthlessness, so he really has little to no fear outside of losing eris. nothing else makes him feel threatened nor embarrassed.

10) grew to overcome his fear of insects and even started liking spiders. he likens himself to one, catching his prey no matter how much they struggle, meticulously weaving inescapable webs.

11) probably acts averse to cute things, but he does have a soft spot for them secretly, especially bunnies. he looks back at his past self, pre, and feels a hint of fondness and pity. he doesnt dislike who he used to be even though hes nothing like that anymore. if pre milo was his own individual and existed alongside him, he would treat him like a younger brother and stand up for him.

12) really protective. has this death glare that communicates he will really throw your mutilated body in the ocean if you go anywhere near eris. probably really possessive of eris and, ironically enough, hates being touched or looked at by people other than eris, but will still tolerate it for his end goals.

13) while he may have no sympathy or reservations about what he does to his victims, he does feel a bit guilty when it comes to people who remind him of his past self. it wont stop him; nothing would ever stop him when eris is the one asking this of him, but were it up to him he probably would have some mercy on these types of people. he doesnt, though.

[endeavorsbiggesthater]

Dabi headcanons

ooc post moment?? yeah fuck it- yall asked and i shall deliver some dabi headcanons- ill tell you which ones are canon for this blog as not all of them are. if you dont like any of these headcanons i dont care- (i do but shhh) just dont bring it up- ANYWAYS ONTO THE HCS

Dabi runs hot, i dont give a shit what people say his body runs hot and its absolute torture for him, using his quirk makes this so much worse and he often gets dizzy when he reaches a certain point (not me projecting onto dabi a bit shhh) canon to the blog

He's bad at relationships- he doesnt really know how to act in them and so will often mess up or just not know what to say.. his way of showing affection most of the time is through helping the person is his own fucked up way, and a lot of the time it involves murder or arson because thats all he really knows how to do in terms of helping. canon to the blog

He doesnt ever really flirt with people in a non joking way, he'll do it for laughs sure but when it comes to actually flirting he just cant for some reason- if anyone does take his joking seriously he will just sorta go along with it tho. canon to the blog

He's had several hookups in the past but he always cut things off before it could have any emotion involved as he wasnt looking for anything serious at the time. did he kill at least one person because of this? maybe :D canon to the blog

Dabi is terrified of end up like endeavor when it comes to relationships and taking care of people, its why hes bad at them and acts like a disaster as the only frame of reference he has for that stuff is his dad. the last thing he wants to do is make his partner cry or be afraid of him even if he acts like hes super dangerous. canon to the blog

Its not so much a crush but dabi absolutely thinks shiggy is hot once he stops wearing the hand on his face all the time, and he will drive the man insane with the shit he'd say. semi-canon to the blog

He doesnt consider most of the league his family, more he considers them his friends, the only exception for this is toga who he absolutely views as a sister. canon to the blog

If he did manage to kill endeavor he wouldnt know what to do with his life, while he acts like it would just fix things and be the best he knows deep down that he would just feel empty without something to hate and obsess over so deeply.. canon to the blog

He wants to fix things with the rest of his family, especially shoto, however he doesnt know how to bring things up or even where to start. canon to the blog

One night stands are something he's way more comfortable with, relationships are just weird for him and theres too many emotions which he hates, but he likes feeling like someone actually needs him for something, even if its not really anything personal. non canon to the blog

ALRIGHT- those are some bigger ones about how he acts- now for a list of random small ones- all of which are canon

he could have stitched his skin together, he just thought staples looked cooler and fit him more

he isnt a huge fan of animals, but he likes cats more than dogs

his quirk doesnt have an official name, however he calls it cremation

he gets drunk as fuck with twice all the time, the two are drinking buddies and it always ends in some dumb shit

there are a lot of pictures of his family that he keeps in his room, all the ones that have endeavor in them hes been burnt out

while he has good control over his quirk most of the time that absolutely goes out the window when hes feeling anything strong, even if hes laughing too hard he can slightly start smoking

he will go along with stupid shit toga suggests to make her happy

giran has had to get him so many new costumes since he keeps burning them

hes killed far more than 30 people, the 30 is just for innocent people, he doesnt consider heroes nor other villains as innocent, so the real number is much higher

he still feels guilty for killing those children from the hospital he woke up in, they never asked to be there after all

the nomu he used in the forest training camp was partly designed by him, he was the one who asked for all the blades and stuff on it

hes dyed his hair many colors before until he settled on consistently dying it black

homura and natsuo are his favorite siblings

when fuyumi was first learning to cook hed refuse to eat the food she made

he may act like hes just annoyed that the other league members got hurt because it makes his plan harder but in reality hes worried for them and will want to hurt anyone who will hurt them

and finally! he cant taste things super well because his tongue is stapled together, however he can still taste enough to enjoy food

[writers-get-biters]

sooooo tired of feeling bad and shitty and stuck and miserable

fuck my relationship ocd i hate it so much and also fuck being forced to do stuff i dont want by people i dont want to be with sometimes (like now )they get into some sort of fucked up loop where i feel miserable because of stuff in my brain and then theres external stuff which also fucks it up more so then my disabilities become more disabling because obviously and then i get blamed and hurt more externally because of my disabilities that are not! my! fault! and then of course that makes internal shit worse so then im just stuck in the middle forced to pretend shit doesnt suck and actually im fine and actually everythings fine keep being "jokingly" mean to me and pushing my boundaries i dont care i get it its actually really okay if you say something to me that most other people i know offline wouldnt consider mean even though i have told you to stop its okay if you dont stop i guess i guess its fine if no one listens to me and i have to sit in miserable silence by myself because i dont even feel like doing anything that any of my ceters enjoy like drawing or our data entry projects or video games or writing and it doesnt matter i guess that im so stressed because since its from an arbitrary authoritative institution everyone is supposedly fine with that makes it totally okay and actually the real problem is me and i guess im the problem and reason why no one wants to talk to me or communicate with me the way i want to be talked to or otherwise communicated with yeah my bad i guess its all my fault and im supposed to just suck it up and stop complaining and also its creepy and wrong and bad i guess for me to try to cope with any of this the way that i want to and i guess yeah i need to and should be keeping it a secret because otherwise ill make everyone else uncomfortable and thats the worst possible outcome btw no person left behind unless its me in which case utilitarianism is always right and we cant give a shit about everyone yk like someone is always going to be miserable but we should prioritize the most people so if i mention kink (ew) or my other interests (ew) im a horrible really bad person actually because im making other people (more important than me. btw) uncomfortable and upset also i should ignore the fact that i am systematically and systemically being isolated from and kept away from people who might actually show understanding and kindness towards me or be in a similar position and extend the kind of support i desperately need but its cool because you keep saying youre only doing that because im "better than them" and actually youre helping me because "those people" are bad and wrong and harmful and they might make me (simultaneously innocent and guilty) do bad things like drugs that might offer a chance to alleviate some of my pain or transition to a bodymind i& want or be angry or just generally be a "bad person" and not be able to participate in the joys of continuing the chain of oppression and harm. but its fine because its for my benefit actually because you frame it as ""those people" have it so hard and theyre so unlucky (because theyre treated like shit by everyone which is true because people's actions are definitely a matter of "luck") and i just want to spare you from that" how kind of you wow youre so sweet and nice to me right now because i havent violated any of your rules yet what a great person you are because you let me be myself to a certain extent (a tiny little eensy-weensy extent but thats fine because its more than i deserve anyway) and since im being invited to participate in the continuation of oppression and pain it would be pretty rude for me to say no and if i did say no it would definitely justify treating me badly and doing all of the things you do to "those people" to me because im technically actually even worse than "those people" because i could have been normal i could have just accepted your rules (that were literally killing me to follow) (not that you noticed)

and also on the other hand the people arguing against you get to use me as their fun little trick-up-their-sleeve because obviously its ridiculous to treat someone like me the way that you have and will and i can be used as a perfect little pawn

[the ceter who wrote this switched out around here, but before they did, it asked that the others of us post this vent anyway if they were unable to finish or post it]

[adwox]

i dont really care for human AUs of mega man characters but a zerox-centric college AU is actually so funny to me

-X graduates at the top of his class is therefore able to shave one year off at college, so hes put in the sophomore year dorms and his roommate is zero

-zero only went to college cause his stupid dad WAS a professor at university, but he got shitcanned halfway through his first term cause wily publicly cursed zero out for not paying attention in class

-light ended up being wilys replacement, to which neither X nor zero knew about until one day during parents weekend they both arrive to their boys dorm room at the same time. and yes they are bitter exs just like in the real games

-zero is a trustfund baby i said what i said. he kind of does not gaf about college at all but he is a dedicated D1 athlete and does work on the campus coffee shop (its the only place he will actually end up doing his homework because he functions best in a loud environment)

-X is duel-majoring because light has subconsciously put a lot of pressure on him especially after his oldest sibling blues dropped out very early on. rock never went to college because seeing what blues went through kind of freaked him out. roll plans on attending one day but is currently working to save up money first and also she just kind of doesnt feel like it yet. X is the worlds first youngest sibling to have eldest daughter syndrome

-despite being in the same graduating class, zero is still technically older, so X looks up to him as an upperclassmen. zero does feel an obligation to show him the ropes so he does look after him for a good while during X's first semester but he soon realizes firsthand just how capable he is

(non-hard drug talk below)

-neither of them ironically share vices, since they both make the respective other anxious. X is a wake and bake kind of guy, zero is a Drinks black coffee an hour before midnight person

-X only recently tried coffee again because zero made him a lavender latte specifically for him. even tho it was decaf, X still felt like his heart was about to jump out of his throat which he felt SO bad about since he knew zero specifically made it for him. and this happened within the first week of the term so they hadnt known each other that well, so X was very very embarrassed knowing zero was just watching him shake like a little leaf. though zero found it all rather amusing

-zero never smoked before because bass was a chronic smoker and it kind of turned him off since they didnt really get along for a while (theyre on much better terms now, they soulbond over wily causing them grief these days). X offers to roll for zero on the very first weekend cause in his mind X is like: college sophomore, how to get on good terms? offer free weed. Unfortunately a few hits in zero is white-knuckling his kneecaps and doing everything in his power not to throw up. he learned the hard way then and there that he is too paranoid for that shit, and while X felt so incredibly guilty for a while, he did feel it let them both become closer faster since zero did need to let his guard down to let X take care of him that evening

(end drug talk)

-X goes to every game zero is in (i really like the idea of the sport zero plays being hockey but idk if theres D1 hockey teams in college Lol) despite knowing nothing about the sport rules

-X finds out vile is actually on the same sports team as zero which is SO awkward for him since they had VERY briefly dated before X realized just how incompatible they were. whenever vile puts two and two together about who X's roommate is, let it be known he will be scheming........

-X joins the improv club because he feels he struggles a lot with making decisions on the fly, but to his surprise hes very great at adapting to other people! zero, who kind of used to think it was a rather silly club, ends up sitting in on some of their performances and finds it quite endearing

-also the first bonding moment X and zero have is when zero notices X hang up a photo of rush on their corkboard and is like: "oh shit i like your dog. i have one too. (shows photo of treble) i mean technically hes my older brothers but hes the only one that cares to make that distinction." X responds immediately full of newfound excitement: "no way, i have an older brother too! well, two of them. and an older sister.... but since i was the last one to leave the house, i always felt like i was taking care of them whenever theyd come back." IMMEDIATE soul bonding over family dynamics ensue

[haley770]

glue me by los campesinos! is my favorite song(by my favorite band) ever and it is so so wilmon. literally everything about this song is perfect and beautiful. the lyrics represent wilmon and young royals so much. so lets go through it, shall we?

just a little note: almost nothing about this is in any order of the show(it is in order of the lyrics), basically just what scenes/things i am reminded of by some of the lyrics because so much of it lines up with this amazing show [:

/this song begins with such an amazing line, "the clouds salivating, drooling from the sky at the thought of the trouble to wreck" it is raining. water is such a big component as a metaphor in this show to represent everyones feelings. (thank you @tvmicroscope i love your analysis') its also just such a beautiful way to describe the rain as well, the clouds salivating, oh my god (!!! WTFF thats AMAZING I LOVE IT). and then it continues, "and its high tide, as the sewers rise and the drains have become obsolete" it is flooding. both of these just make me think of how it was raining on wilhelm in the soccer/football field scene. when he was soo fucking high and confused and overwhelmed, his brain was being flooded by so many feelings and emotions. probably conflicting each other. wilhelms entire life as he knew it is falling apart, he lost his brother, his best and only friend. he blames himself. he feels guilty. he is burdened with the title of the crown prince, which is the last thing that wilhelm wants. and most importantly(to him at least) he had to reject the love of his life because the crown prince cannot be gay like that. he felt like he was drowning in all of these emotions. he couldnt handle it, "i cant do this anymore", earlier in this same episode when he yet again rejected simon. but still, he goes on and makes the most amazing(and somewhat embarassing) love confession to simon because that is what he really feels. it is the only thing he can take a chance with for him to feel anything nice. and real. (ily tvmicroscope your analysis' are so beautiful)

/and now simon turns up, "seems theres no place in this town, for something as pure as you seem" wilhelm definitely thought this when simon actually came to rescue him in the middle of the night all like "you came, oh my god you came, im so glad youre here, youre so beautiful" wilhelm was definitely shocked simon actually came, especially after all the back and forth wilhelm put him through. it just further proves how amazing(pure) simon is(for this world/town).

/another heartbreaking one "water to my waist in a shark-infested bin" again reminds me of the football field scene when it was raining. wilhelm is so overwhelmed with everything. the water. he just wants to talk to somebody, but he is surrounded by fake friends who want to use him, people who dont give a shit about him as a person. the sharks. he doesnt have anybody to turn to. so he takes the chance of calling simon.

/this time, i hear simon. "and i heard, that it hurts" it literally echoes simon's "love shouldnt be this difficult" from the season 3 trailer. or maybe even in season 1 where wilhelm completely betrays simons trust and then doesnt understand what he did wrong. its just so heartbreaking for both of them ): especially because simon still loves wilhelm but hes also angry at him. at first, wilhelm didnt want simon to be mad at him because of the drugs, and he wasnt. but now he lied, and their relationship has since changed, and simon is mad at him, rightfully so.

/this one is more direct, "two wrists, two wrist watches. tick-tick-tocking second hands slightly out of time" how many times have watches been brought up or specifically highlighted in just seasons 1 and 2? SO MANY TIMES. (haha get it) we even saw some watches in the season 3 trailer! even boris! "ive had this watch for 40 years and it still works" 40 years is honestly crazy though, what the hell. let me see that watch.

/yet another heartbreaking one, "i requested a room with a view, in the middle of a war between me and you" is literally wilhelm looking at the beautiful lake in season 2 crying because he has completely lost hope for simon and he felt soso alone )): thankfully(...)felice came to rescue him, replacing simon from season 1. parallels am i right?(we did NOT need another kiss between felice and wilhelm. one was enough. or apparently it wasnt i guess)

/and, excuse me, OH MY GODD, i can HEAR wilhelm telling simon: "ill be gloomy til they glue me in the arms of [he] who loves me, til the rats and worms are all interned at least five feet above we" he will not give up on simon until he is sure there is no hope left(which we saw in season 2 until the valentines day ball kiss, also in the previous paragraph). another scene that fits is how wilhelm asked simon to hold him ): and finally, just wille being silly (the rats and worms because rats and worms are inherently silly like come on) reminds me of their 'date' by the water in s1e5, but its also so sweet because he is saying he wants to be together with simon until death. which is really the only thing wilhelm definitely wants(as well as for august to rot in hell, or jail, either works but both would be best, but thats besides this point).

/then simon, "[he] smiled, at a joke" just in general how happy he is when theyre together. this reminds me of the lake 'date' again and how totally in love simon looked whenever he was looking at wilhelm. as well as the laugh at the end of s2e5 after wilhelm closed the curtains, im glad theyre healing and can laugh about that.

/once again, excuse me, THE FOOTBALL REFERENCES(its los campesinos' thing to have a lot of football/soccer references in their lyrics but i dont really know much about football/soccer, i just know the references are there) WITH THE WHOLE FOOTBALL METAPHOR AND HOW FOOTBALL=SOMETHING REAL(from what i remember about the tvmicroscope analysis, read it if you havent it was so amazing and it was just so nice to actually see someone take the time to go through the show and each clip and write everything down, i am not very good at spotting metaphors but i love reading about them). but we have roshs great line, "rowing isnt a sport. football is a sport." very insightful for this entire metaphor. i guess you could say when they were at rosh's football/soccer game for these lyrics, but i think thats a bit boring, sorry. i would also like to note that, because of my non-existent knowledge on football/soccer, i chose not to talk about them in detail because i really dont understand the references in the song. from what i do know and so we are on the same page, the references are "im diving into headers, put this pretty face where the boots are flying in" | "but we connected like a yeboah volley" | and "of missed panenka penalty" as well as the chant at the end of the song, but i will actually talk about that in depth because it isnt very specific. there might be more(probably) but im not 100% sure about them.

/finally, we have the entire ending, "ex-boyfriend, boyfriend, give us a song" repeating. another football reference by los camp! which also fits the young royals narrative. the repetition is used as a chant for football, a play on "give us a wave". firstly, the valentines day ball comes to mind. this scene is showing simon who he really(again football is a real sport, thank you tvmicroscope) loves at the valentines day ball, hence him chasing after and kissing wilhelm. he also previously said he couldnt fall in love with marcus, "it just feels like he likes me for real" and "i just dont understand why i cant fall in love with him" ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD. too bad he didnt take the hint back then. also(unrelated) he couldnt even spell marcus' name right. "Hej Markus" seriously simon? too bad he never sent that text. they could have potentially broken up sooner. and then at the end of the valentines ball when marcus wille is listening to his ex-boyfriend his boyfriend sing a song he wrote about HIM(despite him being unaware of this fact until the next episode). it is such a crucial moment in season 2's whole plotline(and wilhelms sanity). next, this reminds me how he literally fell in love with simon when he was singing for him when he was being welcomed to hillerska. the glance around at erik and august like "are you seeing this shit?" or "are we watching the same thing?" look because of simon is so iconic. and the smile is so sweet. his first gay panic experience. moving on, it reminds me of how they sang the same song together later in this same episode "it takes a fool to remain sane". finally, when wilhelm was PISSED because simon couldnt sing his song at the jubilee(and they broke up yet again) and he asked jan olaf about it. he really wanted to see simon perform that for him ): and for simon to be able to perform his song and be happy. at least wilhelm was able to give his wonderful speech. really i am so proud of him, nobody could have expected this from him, especially at this point. not even simon! "it was a.. um.. a moment i didnt want to share, with anyone else, so i lied about it". he has matured so much in such little time, he didnt even want to give this speech either. he shouldnt have to. his anxiety must have been through the roof and he probably threw up afterwards. and of course the infamous consequences. the only reason the queen talks with her son. at least he has simon with him now to hold him when it gets too much(no more fights season 3 please i beg i cant handle it after season 2, the ending did kind of make up for it all though). i got a little off topic but you get the point. also, i brought each of these different scenes up because the ending specifically repeated this lyric several times, like all of these different moments line up. its literally wilmons song, you cant tell me otherwise.

well, that was a lot. i have been thinking about this for WEEKS. months even. and while i typically wouldnt post something like this, i put soso much thought into writing this. like ive actually put so much thought into this its driving me insane. its literally wilmons song, in my opinion. i also just needed a reason to talk about my favorite song and band and relate it to my favorite show. please listen to the song(or anything by los camp! theyre AMAZING). thats really all i need in life, for more people to hear this masterpiece.

🩷💜 thank you💜🩷

i dont know if i will ever do anything like this again, perhaps. im not sure. i did actually enjoy writing this though. i didnt originally plan on writing anything significant but i got carried away. i was supposed to be drawing more wilmon, i want to finish it before season 3 is officially out but it is just so detailed📚. someone yell at me to finish the drawing PLEASE ! time is ticking but its so fucking DETAILED and TEDIOUS. oh my god theres only a week left WHAT THE FUCKK. anyways i loved this [: very fun!

[if there are any typos or just flat out mistakes, either no there isnt or just let me know, i probably wont fix it but i appreciate it. i also want to say i am aware i am HORRIBLE at staying on topic i just had so many things ive wanted to say]

💜

[soudakuwunmoment]

expressing my take on dream is how i finally get cancelled but tbh im ready.

so i just watched the moistcritical video on whatever bullshit happened on twitter regarding him.

i wanna establish that im not exactly a dream fan. i dont watch videos of his or really anyone from that part of youtube. i dont think hes that great of a person necessarily.

also, i want to establish that i am an idiot 18yo boy. ight? im not some kind of expert on this shit. its literally just my take. its an opinion. and im putting it on the internet. as people tend to do.

okay. recap. dream allegedly sent snapchat videos of him moaning to a minor. there is zero proof that the video was from him, and zero proof that it was sent to a minor. then the fight between dream and gumballva. oh my god. guys. god i cant even with this bit. alright alright ill get to it

im gonna completely fuckin disregard the snapchat thing. theres absolutely no proof. innocent until proven guilty, as it goes.

about the fight between dream and gbva. holy shit stop taking sides. both of these men are immature man babies whos fame got to their head. "it was a physical fight!!!!!!" believe it or not, drunk slapfights happen sometimes. just because the fight was between two famous guys doesnt make it any more important or significant.

gbva was referring to himself as Michelangelo. he was saying how dream is "miniscule compared to him" like the worlds most pathetic dick measuring competition. he mentioned his "intellectual stature" guys. my friend told me about how the gumball va TOTALLY BURNED DREAM and DESTROYED HIM so i had high expectations. but no. the guys just stroking his own ego and shittalking some other guy, and people are hype about it because the other guy is dream and OOOOOOO DREAM BAD GUYS.... and because gumball is pretty well loved as a show. he called dream a slur. like on one hand, it is INSANE to me that a famous guy called someone a slur and twitter cheered. on the other hand its actually not that big a deal. yes, slurs and homophobia are a big deal. but let me reiterate that this is literally just two drunk dudes trying to roast each other and failing miserably. a slur isnt going to end the world. like it isnt cool that he said it, he shouldnt have said it, but honestly what the fuck ever. people are being killed in mass rn and this is what we're arguing about and im part of the problem so WAHOO.

and then theres the fact that dream recorded it. guys its not that fucking weird. im sorry to burst your bubble but recording arguments or recording when someone is aggressive towards you isnt abnormal. was it a little bit dramatic and incredibly childish to post it on twitter? yeah!!! duh!!! this is dream we're talking about. dramatic. childish. but the thing is, and hear me out, hes allowed to do that. insane as it may be, humans are allowed to be dramatic and childish. humans are allowed to brag about their "intellectual stature" in a cab after a night out. humans are allowed to be flawed. no, i dont think he was recording it due to feeling unsafe. i do in fact believe he was recording it to start drama. i believe whole heartedly that dream recorded the argument hoping his teenaged fanbase would run to his rescue. and you know what? who gives a shit!! are you actually surprised? are you REALLY? because dream very obviously has something wrong in his head. im not saying that the shit he does is okay because of it. but i want everyone reading this right now to imagine how you would realistically cope if you suddenly became famous during the fucking plague at the ripe ass age of 21 in the span of a month and then spent the next 3 years being either worshipped by children in mass or brutally harassed by literally the entire world. because believe it or not, 21 year olds are immature and are not normally equipped to deal with a situation like that. its entirely possible that dream already had issues, and its also entirely possible that he FORMED issues in the past 3 years due to the intense stress of his situation. dream is fucked up. dream has issues.

but listen to me. as far as we know, dream is not a pedophile or a murderer or a racist or a homophobe or any of that shit. sure, hes awful at babysitting each and every one of his bajillion preteen fans, but thats kinda not his fucking responsibility??? if a kid is going around doing awful shit in the name of some guy, blame the kids parents. its their job to teach their kid how to act online and around other people. and sure, dream is very very likely a narcissist and seems to be incapable of criticism and needs attention constantly or else he keels over like a scared gerbil and dies. hes kind of a shitty fuckin guy!! BUT GUESS. WHAT. so is like 70% of the population!!!! most of us are fucking awful!!

i know i cant change shit, i know id get bodied by even a single dream anti. i just wish people would stop giving him attention, leave him the fuck alone, and let him get therapy or spend a year in the woods or smoke some fucking weed idk.

seeing the reaction people have to literally just some schmuck makes me TERRIFIED of putting myself out there. can we all just accept that everyone is flawed and sometimes good people have shitty takes or do shitty things. if you had the same exposure to the world that dream did, how quickly would YOU get cancelled? im just. im fucking begging you to look at this guy (and other equally underwhelming schmucks) with a critical mind and context to why you may see them the way you do.

im not tagging this shit i dont hate myself that much. i dont mind if no one reads this i just wanna rant. just leave the guy be.

[hurrakka]

oh man. theoretically in a l4d au luis would've helped develop the green flu yeah? sure it's a naturally occurring virus in l4d canon (maybe. we're not really sure where it comes from cus ceda doesnt say shit but ellis mentions the government using bio-bombs in one of his keith stories so it could be a bioweapon?) but this is an au we can do what we want.

anygays im just imagining leon getting infected. we know better-safe-than-sorry-guy (i call him scout cus his va is the same as scout from tf2) is human when we first find him but experiencing extreme paranoia and some compulsions then a few minutes later he fully turns, going from able to speak and function to choking and growling and fully mutated (either into a hunter, boomer, or smoker) so there's always the possibility of a rapid transformation too. im thinking leon falling behind a bit while theyre walking because he's coughing and chokin and shit n he falls to his knees and luis is all like "bro whats wrong!!" and he gets to watch as leon Turns Before His Eyes. even better if he turns into a hunter cus if you look closely at their models they don't have eyes. we can't be exactly sure what Happens to their eyes when they turn but the two most popular headcanons are both equally brutal-- either Luis has to watch Leon's eyes quite literally melt out of his skull or he gets to watch him claw his own eyes out. Fun!

BUT there's graffiti in one of the safe rooms arguing over how long it actually takes to turn-- whether it's 20 minutes, 2 hours, overnight, or some other wacky chunk of time. so there's also the thought of Leon turning slowly. progressively becoming irritable and irrational and confused and him slipping in and out of conciousness for days until Luis goes to check his temp one day and he fucking Lunges.

and if leon turns and luis makes it out alive imagine the Guilt. he feels awful enough in re4 canon when there's a cure,,, but the green flu mutates too often to develop a proper cure for it. if leon gets infected and he isnt immune then he's just. done. theres nothing that can help him at that point. and luis already feels so goddamn guilty about the millions of people he's killed and now leon's gone too and he cant help but visualize every single person who had somebody ripped from them by his hands.

oh man and if luis has to put leon down? its joever. that man would Never recover. i dont even know if he'd keep trying to survive at that point. maybe just for that shred of hope of developing a cure (even though he knows it'd be damn-near impossible but it's the only thing hes got, dammit) and stopping this whole disaster.

coughs. sorry for the rambling i simply have been obsessed with l4d for going on 12 years now so <3

I had to lay down for a moment bc of the feels and potential outcomes in the event luis lives on while leon well...yeah (thinkin abt how buddy from re damnation would jus turn as well since leon is no longer there and that made me big sad dgkrnekhbfgnjklh) Since the re verse has like morbillion viruses, the green flu existing would be plausible so its just another stonks moment for umbrella lol. But yeah luis would absolutely be devastated. He probably doesnt have the guts to pull the trigger, least he can do is to restrain leon for a while and tries to find whatever humanity he has left in his nonexistent eyes. Tho in my witch!leon hc I think luis may have a chance to keep leon around??? Since witches seem to have the most humanity among the infected (and thats not saying much) he could probs observe him a lil bit without getting eaten right away. It would just be a warm bodies scenario ngl (i just watched that movie recently so this is huge copium dksfghbshgndfh) Honestly Im glad l4d fandom still alive after all these years. That game will always be goated and it was one of my high-school obsessions. I used to do crossover stuff back then and Im back to doing it now. Time rly do be a flat circle

[leafcabbage]

heck yeah!!!! the sneeg of the snag variety himself!!

do you have many thoughts about him? because i am going to be thinking about this all day and the main one is going to be sneeg trying really hard to be a distant mentor and not care about ranboo because it's obvious to everyone that they're not gonna make it to the second day but somewhere along the line he looks at them and realizes "fuck i would both kill and die for them" and so he tries to be more distant to save himself when they inevitably die, but ranboo ends up thinking that they've done something wrong and they keep trying to make it up to sneeg but nothing seems to be working- aaaasaaaahdkalajdksksl the angst potential of this, kale!

val you have no idea how autistic you have made me. no idea. thank you so very much. everythings under the cut as usual im just doing that in general with this because it always ends up long smh

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM AND YOU!! ARE DEFINITELY ON THE RIGHT TRACK!!! SO first of all. ranboo is like 16 when they're in the games. that's just worth saying. i made them a little younger than in drdi because why would i NOT. (this makes ranboo and tubbo 16 and tommy 15 btw. just for reference.) sneeg is the winner of the 64th hunger games when he was 14 (10 years ago from when ranboo's is wow!) he won with literally a whole ass knife stuck in his side but he still won. now its fun to note that no one from district 8 has won since. every other tribute has died. theres another mentor though of course, the one who mentored sneeg is still around so each tribute gets a mentor.

ok all that done

so of course there are two tributes from 8, ranboo and an 18 year old who is accustomed to physical labor and has a much better chance than ranboo. and of course sneeg ends up mentoring ranboo and the other person mentors the male tribute. now ranboo is 16, theyre terrified, they know they're going to die and they just dont want it to hurt too badly. they have no one at home who cares (theres still lorraine in this au but like. she sure doesnt give a shit if ranboo comes back) and they just want someone to care. unfortunately, sneeg has dealt with watching too many kids die, and he doesnt even want to hope that ranboo might make it through, even through sheer luck. he doesnt want to be an asshole, but he's tired. i think yknow, its not that ranboo doesnt know what they did to make sneeg "not like" them, they just assume that he's the same as everyone else out there who has decided they arent worth it.

but yeah, unfortunately ranboo is very hard for sneeg not to care about. tributes have a week of training, and its like, the night of the 4th day after the individual sessions where each tribute gets a score that he finds ranboo sitting out on the balcony. they got a 4 or something, pretty much the lowest of the group. he sits down with them, and hes trying to figure out something to say that might make them feel a little better about the whole thing, and before he can, they point down at a building and are like "you see that support? if you took that out, the whole structural integrity would be compromised. it would be easy to take out after that." and sneeg is like ".... okay?" and ranboo just kinda shrugs and is like "i just noticed it i guess." and sneeg is like "okay, what else have you 'just noticed'?" and they end up having a whole conversation and it turns out that ranboo has a very good eye for how things can fall apart. something that sneeg might have been able to work when directing them on what to do in training and for strategy if he had just paid attention. and he feels incredibly guilty about that.

but its not guilt that makes him care about them. unfortunately it turns out that theyre pretty funny despite being resigned to death and theyre just generally a good kid and he breaks his own rule about not caring about tributes. he helps them come up with what to say during the interviews, how to play a part that might get them sponsors, how to make themself seem like a little less of a target. he and ranboo run through all the different techniques they could use for survival despite their lack of strength or fighting ability. both think its kind of useless, but they both want to believe that maybe it'll help. it keeps ranboo from deciding to step off the pedestal and just blow themself up at the start at least. they have one person on their side at least, and that's better than they've had in years. (of course, theres tommy and tubbo too, but ranboo isnt entirely sure yet that they arent just gonna get killed in their sleep at some point lmao)

each tribute gets to bring a token into the arena with them. ranboo didn't have one before coming to the capitol, but they have one going in to the arena. im not sure what its gonna be yet, but i do know it would be from sneeg.

[genderfluidtechnoblade]

i’ve been thinking about making this post for a while now but uh:

post about dsmp + drm content on this blog going forward + opinions on the driscourse

tws discussion of the drm situation. if you dont know what it is im not explaining it. w/e

tldr dsmp might show up occasionally but i havent cared about it since prison break anyways so no skin off my back, cdream is and has been my oc for months now at this point, not supporting drm individually, wanna see where it goes before dropping his associates

first of all. i think its important to believe what a victim says. so if this girl states that dream was inappropriately messaging her, including sexual conversations she wasnt comfortable with, i believe her. i do also believe that presumption of innocence is important for a justice system and a human right, however, so i want to wait for the outcome of the court case. it’s not that i don’t believe that dream was messaging her and that she was uncomfortable- i want the most information that is available to us about specifics and the verdict irt what exactly took place.

“oh but thats a cop out” thats how a justice system is supposed to work dumbass it’s not supposed to be a he said she said where you side with whichever person you like more. burden of proof is on the accuser. it’s good to believe as the default, because the alternative is defending a harasser/abuser, but there still needs to be substantiated evidence in order to confirm. “but the justice system is going to be biased against this young girl versus this wealthy man” yeah. and i dont know how to account for that. in an ideal world, which is not the one we live in, we get a verdict based on facts and not on which defendent is more likeable.

this is basically a long winded way of saying yeah i believe the girl saying dream messaged her and made her uncomfortable but theres a very large difference in criminality of dick picks versus grooming allegations, yk?

either way. there is enough here that i believe, without court standing, that what dream did was, at minimum, deeply irresponsible. (at maximum is court case shit).  he has a significant pattern of doing something with his platform that is deeply irresponsible. i feel pity for him because he was thrust into a very large spotlight very suddenly, but that pity wanes as years go on and behavior does not change and his platform only grows. dream has shown time and time again that he is incapable of handling his platform.

theres a reason that before i said i liked dream as a favorite creator when he wasnt being stupid. he does things constantly that show he is an immature person, and usually its low enough stakes that, in my opinion, i can get over it and continue to enjoy his content. however, with recent allegations being something more serious than being annoying about mcc, i can no longer in good conscience enjoy this man’s content. even if the court case rules him completely 100% innocent, i feel his irresponsibility in response to these allegations is too serious to ignore. i dont watch or support dream as a creator.

however, i dont want to completely drop his associates at this moment for two reasons. 1) presumption of innocence still stands until proven guilty, and i don’t feel comfortable condemning random internet celebrities via association to someone who’s court case has not been finished 2) said internet celebrities have not given their stance:tm: at this point, and at the moment i am fine with it while things are still technically up in the air. if they try defending dream after a proven guilt, however, then they’re gone. that simple. i understand this doesnt jive w everyone but thats how im approaching it.

on a related note i will still probably occasionally dsmp post. i’ve mostly phased out of it, as i was a techno lore frog, but the characters still bring me a modicum of joy. if someone has an issue w dsmp posting that isnt severe enough to consider unfollowing me, i can start tagging specifically dsmp posts for filtering. however, if youve ever talked to me, and as many people can attest, i have always cared very little for ccdream’s “intent” when it comes to cdream, and many of the things i find enjoyable about the character are largely accidental on his part. therefore i will still be cdream posting along with dsmp, not ignoring him.

if you want me to elaborate on any of these points i ask that you do it in dms cause this thing is annoying and long already. free to chat about difference of opinions but atm this is where i stand. so yeah.

[toadboatt]

Ranting like this is my diary

Feel free to ignore

nsfw themes yall, im a shitty adult struggling with shitty adult shit.

I dont think im a good person.

WHY DO I BLAME HOW OTHERS REACT ON MYSELF EVERY SINGLE TIME???? WE BROKE UP 3 MONTHS AGO. THREE.

I know that's not that long, but i had been struggling in our relationship for the past 3 years. THREE. YEARS. We were together for 9 almost

Plus, he's not attracted to men. I told him im trans so he knows there's no more future for us(his words). So why does he make me feel bad for talking to someone new??? I dont know maybe im the fucking asshole. But i also dont know how to feel about it? My ex is lowkey not a great person but i want to be friends with him still... but not if hes saying misogynistic things to me still and being gross. Like he wants to sleep with me still and i told him i have a friend whose interested in me but lives far and my ex HAS THE NERVE to say

"If you sleep with them and they have a penis, let me know so we can stop having sex" (we've only had sex ONCE post breakup)

And i said "alright, but would you feel the same about it if they had a vagina?"

He said "no, i dont care about that. Just if theres a penis involved"

????????????????

SO YOURE TELLING ME. YOUR MIND IS THAT GROSS. AND YOU DONT RESPECT ME THAT MUCH. SINCE YOU CARE. ABOUT. THAT. Mind you. Before we had sex i was a virgin. So he wants it to only be his "domain" or whatever which is DISGUSTING imo especially since we arent together and IM NOT EVEN HIS ANYMORE.

Just overall gross. But of course i have no fucking SPINE and i just got sad about it until after when i realized i shouldve been LIVID. I dont even want to fuck him anymore im so over it but i feel guilty and like i owe him but i know i dont i literally know i dont owe him shit.

But We were together for so long i feel like a terrible person i feel like a terrible person.

Doesnt mention how mad i am at myself because the person im talking to is so sweet and they seem to care about me but im also so nervous that this wont work out. Plus we only just recently started really talking but i want to rip my fucking hair out. I feel like they deserve better than me...

i just want to stop existing overall. My brain hurts and i dont even know myself anymore or whose in control of my body, i feel like im floating and nothing matters and i cant even tell anyone because i feel like im going insane and i just want to scream and cry and not feel or think anything anymore. Im at fucking work and im too pathetic to even do anything ive been sitting here upset all fucking day and just over it. Im fucking over it im fucking over it.

If you made it to here. Why? What was the purpose? What did you gain? Nothing? I guess the same could be said for the fact that im writing this expecting everyone to ignore it.

So toad. What did you gain? What was this for?

[ooglywooglies]

i know that discourse thingy was some very ignorable shit, i think it normally would be but detox makes me stupid and moody so im gonna keep complaining (sorry)

but that particular thing of people just like assigning you a specific ideology and making assumptions about your beliefs based on that assignment that THEY made is so... why do we do that, and im clearly also guilty of it on some level considering i saw proship in that one persons bio and went oh that means they enjoy fiction that promotes harmful ideas (there is nuance to what proship can mean but generally i dont trust it bc i associate it with incest and pedophilia which i dont think are concepts one should be even exploring on a public space like the internet but im not against dark topics in fiction, explorative or otherwise)

like you wanna talk about food and animals with me, you assume im either a vegan or not a vegan, technically im not a vegan. technically im a weirdo whos very into the demystification of death in general (i could also go on about our obsession with corpse preservation/decay avoidance and how i think its bad and wrong) im a zoologist, i like hunting and fishing but not for sport, i dont eat beef as a choice (for multiple reasons i dont care to explain right now but none of them involve my feelings about the cow itself)

like truly we do not know each other why would you or i or anyone else be confident enough to make a debate out of any stray perspective you find. thats generally how i like to be on the internet is like, im just out here saying shit i dont expect anyone to respond, youre not invited to either. im not familiar with all the ways tumblr has changed in the past couple years but i swear people did not used to be able to find your posts if you did not tag them, but i guess its good that you can turn off reblogs now. like i know its on me to take some responsibility and make sure my void is really a void but i also dont feel like shit i post has ever screamed HEY YOU THERE SCROLLING THROUGH A TAG I DIDNT ACTUALLY ADD, IM TALKING TO YOU SPECIFICALLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THIS

and no one has any way of knowing this because how could you but its not based on my assumptions about you but i hate strangers, so fucking much. theres not much that makes my blood boil more than someone talking to me when i have 0 familiarity with them, unless i asked for it i guess. like im an artist i have to grapple with that sometimes. if were not mutuals or ive never seen your name before im NEVER talking to you and i despise you for trying. it doesnt matter because its impossible to know this beforehand, but its still the case anyway.

okay my drowsey medicine kick't in hmmm maybe i get to takes a nap at 7 in the morning teehee

[mothlegs]

dreamt of. unreality..? and illness

idk how to content warn this so read at your own risk

the first of my dreams were like...a zombie apocalypse, i think, but the zombies were extra stupid and...made..of sand..??

a guy helped me get a shotgun and then immediately got shot by someone??? i felt kinda guilty but it's not like i couldve done anything- the aim thingy on the shotgun sucked

something abt explosions. couldnt find my family, was really just running around trying not to get eaten. some of it was in a mall, which was like hoh similar to yesterday where i ran around a mall with something that looked kinda like the Baron from wwdits after escaping from the cops who were after me cause i ran away from school with a punk girl

i dont think i remember anything else from that dream. but then there was illness

im pretty sure the illness was Decima from Wolf 359 ??? and it made people like...idk what it's called, like doing a bridge pose kinda but with their limbs bent and their back flat, and then having the creepiest expressions

i saw one that was standing like that but on the tips of its toes and eueurghh creepy

i was so scared of this illness i was considering suicide just so i wouldnt get infected (this happens fairly often in my dreams ???)

there was more creepy shit to the illness that i dont remember

thenn dreamt something about. i dont even know what the point of the trip was

so like. im with this guy in a camper van and we're going to this place, the rest of my group home is in the normal van. we get there and i dont remember anything from it except i watch some creepy videos that like...break me

my neck is all wrong. im wearing a pearl necklace?? and when i take it off my neck is. broken. like theres a big, opposite of a dent on the upper part, and each time i move the necklace theres different weird stuff with my neck

like im slightly out of reality

we go home and things just get worse. i cant figure out how to turn off some sound, it keeps playing when i stop the video

i try playing other things but it just plays as they play. it's a sound of unreality

one of the videos i saw was with some freaky doll..? like a monster doll, almost gorey but not actual gore it was just so freaky

and the creator was a japanese man, and in the preview of the video he faints? and the title was something like..."moments from [the show] that make [creators name] seem almost human" ??

i get food somehow. something is wrong with it

we stop at like...a drive thru pizzaria but it's not a pizzaria, they just give us food when we stop there. we see a van on the other side covered in perfect scribbles

something is wrong with that entire place, and the food

we stop at an abandoned grocery store. i steal deodorant but it's...weird..?? like theres 3 parts and apparently you have to mix them and then it's some weird paste?? also it was made by nestle

we pick up the guys parents?? and his dad. eats. the deodorant mixture. cause he thought it was candy. ???

we talk a bit about hating nestle and how unethical most chocolate production is

at some point i hallucinate a doll walk past me. and other things, i start hallucinating badly and consider going on antipsychotics

the guy im with feels bad for me

at some point i slightly phase through my seat

i try rewatching the videos that broke me but it doesnt work

we've been driving for half an hour. i ask how long till we're home. he says two hours. im not sure i'll survive the trip

in a dream that feels related to all the others. me and someone else go to a ladys apartment. her window is open, and front door, and apartment complex door. we worry.

we get up there and theres some kinda lock? but the person im with figures it out fast. we're there to help her, apparently

there are three cats. one of them is my irl cat bella, and then theres a new kitten. it's screaming. the lady and other person dont handle it very gently, i worry for it cause it's very very small, shouldnt be away from its mom

i hold it and sway it gently like a baby, and i think i feed it. it stops yelling and seems to feel safe with me

i sit down with it and bella

then. my mom is there? maybe she was the other person. shes been...playing genshin??? and she says bella is named after a character she hates and she shows me her playing as barbara and i say her name is bella. there was something about the kittens name too but i no rememby

aaand i think thats it. i pet bella also, she was so big in the dream compared to irl. shes very tiny irl, grew a lot less than sia or even just her twin brother, hes as big as their dad now but shes teeny.

[oetscop]

NAH YOURE GIVING ME A REASON TO INFODUMP RNNNN IM HERE FOR IT

one of the first things i noticed while working on the logbook was something i refer to as the objectification of care. once youre aware of it you start seeing it in every single aspect of the series as a whole.

marvin kidnapped care after a custody battle. you can see the inconsistent visitation on the calendar in the house. its very very common for an abuser to kidnap their own child(ren) during a divorce as a way to control their spouse. they dont like that theyre losing that grip they have on them, and direct that towards their child(ren.) this, in a sense, is already just treating care like an object. not a human person, but a pawn to hurt and control anna during a very messy divorce.

after that, we have rainer making the game. the whole game is wound around care, every single story beat involves her. thats the whole reason he even started the newmaker plane stuff. for marvin. the way he talks about her. the way shes classed as a "pet" to be collected. the fact tiara and in game marvin cant even call her care and have to go with "baby" despite care being like. a regular ass name. it makes sense for paul or belle to not be in the table and need to be replaced. but care? care is literally a word. they quite literally do not care about her. nobody loves her.

paul is also participating in the objectification as well which is like. really fucking sad to think about. (working under the assumption that we all agree paul is a trans man and was care) he literally calls the in game depiction of himself as a child as "it." he willingly puts care NLM into the child library and then takes her back just to see what happens if you put a person in there. sure shes just a 2d sprite in a video game, but like. he KNOWS thats him. hes in denial, but he still knows. so like hes sitting there playing this game and being retraumatized by it, being reminded over and over, but still treating care like a thing. like a device to continue compulsively playing this fucking game. no sympathy for himself at all.

theres something quite poetic in the game forcing paul to watch marvin break in and "catch" care only to do that exact same thing himself. imo, so much of petscop is a strong metaphor for self acceptance and healing. because living in denial is never going to help. running from your past and covering your eyes will never make it go away. youll only hurt yourself more.

um. ive already said so much but i feel the need to tack this in here at the end. i dont think rainer believes hes fooling anyone. hes acutely aware that hes done some terrible shit. he clearly feels guilty, but cant/wont put all of the blame entirely on himself. like, think back to belle "failing" her rebirthing. she didnt fail because he played it wrong, it had to be because she gave up. he has such fucking tunnel vision. clearly he knows hes partly to blame, but the hatred he feels towards marvin is so much stronger. rightfully so since marvin is definitely a piece of shit as we established. but whats stopping him from just killing marvin? he could. but he doesnt. because he knows that emotional harm does a hell of a lot more damage to someone than just dying. hes had to live like that since mikes death, hes familliar with how much it hurt. so i guess. fuck you all and fuck me as well.

check your bathroom now.

viral infection dedicated to abuse

i've always hurt you

[goremet-chef]

i think like. posting art on twitter has given me a specific complex or like. thought process that doesnt apply here and im trying to get used to it (ramble/vent-ish)

i only ever seem to find the motivation to draw like. at night. MOST OF THE TIME im drawing at night, ill finish shit at 1, 2, 3 am but i have to gamble with something

i prefer to post when im done, it feels good to create something and then send it off for anyone to see, but if you dont post it at like. day time, or a time where more people are awake, no ones gonna see it!!! not even yr most active supportive moots and friends like they just will not see it and it wont get much interaction. i feel like prime interaction hours are when its posted and then after that it trails off and everyones done. and it feels kind of sad when you worked really hard on a piece and it looks like no one liked it

but here, its not like that. shit gets likes for like. ever SKJFS

there is no time frame for when people will appreciate yr work, theres not really a feeling of risk when i post at night because eventually someone will see it yknow? someone whos looking for it will see it and i like that a lot

i really sympathize with other artists who feel like that because like. art is my passion, i know this is the truth but i feel soo fucking superficial and gross thinking about like. the numbers of it all

but its not really wrong to want people to like what you make. i think everyone needs to feel appreciated, and some people only know how to get it from strangers online. i see a lot of people say like "ohh if yr an artist and you hate drawing or you only think about how many likes or you think you need to create content for others to like maybe reevaluate why yr an artist 🤨" but like. SOME PEOPLE CANT REALLY CHOOSE SKJFS i couldnt just stop drawing even though sometimes it makes me miserable, because drawing is my only talent, yknow? its wired into my DNA at this point. its a lot deeper than just "oh if its making you feel bad then stop" 💀💀 if i stopped id feel even worse bestie

idk i think its something that most people think about honestly? its like a majority case but its been pushed into being something that makes you a bad person, despite the fact that everyone loves validation on the internet. if you actively seek it, yr shallow and just want attention and that makes you one of the 'bad artists' because you want recognition for yr work

idk its just kinda messed up. like everyone wants those things, if im creating i shouldnt feel guilty for liking when the numbers go up, yknow? but its something i see so much? its so weird bro. its one of those things i believe LOTS of people experience/feel, but are too ashamed to ever let anyone know they feel it, even if its not really harmful

like i agree with the sentiment that "you should draw for you" 100% but some people arent really. SECURE about their art, style or composition or WHATEVER. i dont need me to tell me i did a good job, id prefer someone else do it ksjfsf that can be said for a lot of other people too. like not everyone needs that, but some people do need that and its not some heinous art crime for wanting even a little recognition? IDK MAN its weird