#it doesn't help that i was feeling really shitty and down about everything i make/am today

[criscura]

Nothing will make you feel like more of an absolute failure of a human being than not being able to get technology to work right

[tossawary]

In MDZS, Wei Wuxian is able to look at the sacrificial ritual circle and read Mo Xuanyu's personal notes to guess what happened and also learn the basics of Mo Xuanyu's entire life... And then he doesn't clean it up?

(EDIT: I was wrong about this! Wei Wuxian was supposedly "destroy any evidence of the sacrificial ritual circle" directly before running off with the donkey, at the very end of the chapter. I'm not sure how because earlier in the chapter it says that Mo Xuanyu's shack has "no water" and after humiliating the Mo Family, he just picks a clean spot on the floor to sleep, but he manages somehow! Original post remains below the cut.)

To be fair, Wei Wuxian is shocked and feels like shit, and has apparently tasked with murders he doesn't want to commit, and is also a little bit hangry. Shortly after his first foray to get his bearings and embarrassing the Mo Family, he gets dragged out of that blood-stained shack, accused of murder, involved in a fight, and then has to skedaddle when Hanguang-Jun shows up. He didn't have much inclination to clean (he didn't make the blood circle! Why does he have to clean it?!) and then didn't get much opportunity to grab a mop and clean up that mess to cover his tracks.

But Wei Wuxian's narration says that Mo Xuanyu "dared to summon him by name". It's also possible that some of Mo Xuanyu's resentful scribbles included more information about the sacrificial ritual and Wei Wuxian didn't find them, or threw his hands up in the air with frustration at the situation before reading those ones.

And I think that this would be a really funny way for Lan Wangji to find out that Wei Wuxian is back, instead of the shitty flute-playing and Wen Ning's appearance. Lan Sizhui describes to Lan Wangji everything weird and terrifying that just went down with the Mo Family, then says, "Oh! Senior Mo has disappeared! We should go make sure that he's okay! (Jingyi, he helped us in his own way, it's only the decent thing to do to check on him.) Let me ask a servant where his quarters are and let's hope he just went to go hide there."

And then Lan Wangji and a bunch of Baby Lans walk right into that shack and the horrifying scene of a sacrificial ritual circle drawn in blood, surrounded by the scribblings of a madman, which apparently clearly says (to those who can discern these things): "I AM SUMMONING THE YILING PATRIARCH'S SOUL AND GIVING HIM MY BODY TO DO EVIL ON MY BEHALF."

Lan Wangji: "..."

Lan Sizhui: "..."

Lan Jingyi: "What the fuck."

[dollfacefantasy]

Meant to be Broken ♡

pairing: corrupt cop!naoya zenin x fem!reader

summary: on your way home from work, you accidentally hit naoya zenin with your car. you believe you're in huge trouble when you find out he's a police officer. luckily (or unluckily) for you, he has a few ways you can make it up to him in mind.

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, dub-con, p in v, oral sex (m receiving), degradation, car sex, misogyny (it's naoya lol)

word count: 3k

a/n + tags: comm for the bestie @nexysworld @gor3-hound picture of naoya by @/sso_s__ on twt

Your fingers thrum against the steering wheel as your car glides along the road. You match the beat of the music playing in the background. It's a good distraction for you. It was a nice enough day out, but your mind wasn't as sunny and serene.

You'd had a shitty day at work. You woke up late and got shit from your boss for it. Your computer wouldn't log in, so you had to work at the outdated one towards the back of the office under a drafty vent. On top of that, you had a killer headache. You really just wanted to get home.

The sun was setting over the horizon in the distance, the sky a pretty hue of pink. You take it in while making the turn into your neighborhood. Only a few hundred yards till you could pull into your garage and walk into the comfort of your home. You just have to get down one more street.

You're making the final turn on your route. You can nearly feel the soft fabric of your sweatpants and oversized t-shirt when there's a blur in front of your windshield and a sound thud against the hood of your car. You slam on the brakes as fast as humanly possible, jerking yourself hard against the seat. Whipping the car into park, you sit there for a moment. There was no fucking way you just hit someone. If asked, you would swear on everything that no one had been crossing.

After a couple moments, you unbuckle your seatbelt and get out. Your movements are a little slow, simply for the fact that you're still questioning if this is some kind of joke.

You round the front of your car and gasp at the sight before you. You'd actually hit someone. A man lies crumpled up near the bumper, writhing in pain.

"Oh- Oh my God. Are you ok?" you ask him. You rush over and crouch behind him.

He turns to face you, and your heart drops. His face is stained with scarlet, blood oozing from a cut on his forehead. He's got a nasty scowl aimed at you too.

"What do you think?" he snaps. You're pretty sure you hear him grumble something about how of course it was a woman that hit him, but you can't be sure. Your pulse is pounding in your ears too loud to focus on mumbling.

"Jesus, I'm so so sorry," you say.

"Instead of wasting your time with apologies, you could try helping me up," he says.

"You're right. My bad. Here," you say, offering your hand. He takes it but doesn't stop glowering at you for a second.

You help him to his feet again. Once he's stable, he lets go of your palm and wipes it on his pants. A bit rude, but you supposed you deserved it.

"Are you hurt? Could I take you to a hospital or anything?" you ask. 

You try to sound as sweet as possible. He could be as pissy as he wanted, you were just praying to any higher power you could think of that he wouldn't sue you.

He simply rolls his eyes at your question. Your cheeks burn, and you awkwardly avert your eyes. You notice he'd dropped his wallet on the asphalt, so you reach down to retrieve it for him. Once you pick it up, your blood runs cold. Inside the wallet is a shiny silver star. A police badge.

Panic runs through you. The last thing you needed was a ticket, let alone a criminal charge. Your eyes dart up to him. He's wearing the smuggest grin you'd ever seen.

"Officer. Sir, I am so so sorry. Again, please let me know if there's anything I can do to help you. It was my stupid mistake. I swear, I'm normally a super safe driver," you say.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "It's cute how you little girls try to get out of trouble once you see how helpless you really are," he taunts.

You're speechless. If he was going to be like this, you were truly fucked.

"Don't tell me that's all you have for an apology. I've heard better from a mute," he says.

"I really didn't mean to hit you. Please, I'm just having a really bad day," you start timidly, but he cuts you off.

"Stand up. You look like a bitch begging for scraps down on your knees like that," he says, flicking two fingers to beckon you up.

You rise quickly at the command. You hated obeying a total asshole like him, but he held so much in his hands right now. There was nothing to do but follow along.

"There we go," he says and brings his hand to your face. It runs down your jawline to your chin. He tilts your face around, getting a look at you from all angles. "You're cute. No wonder you hit me."

Confusion flickers through your eyes. "What's that mean?" you ask as non-confrontational as you can manage.

"Well you know what they say: a pretty face or a brain, women don't get both," he mocks.

Now it's your turn to scowl. You can't even help it. The expression shows itself before you have the chance to hide it. Your previous mindset shatters in a matter of seconds.

"I didn't hit you cause I'm a woman. I hit you cause you darted into the street," you say.

His eyes brows raise with amusement, and the urge to bicker with him dwindles inside you.

"Really?" he asks, "Are you high then? Drunk maybe? Those are the only other reasons why you'd make such an egregious error."

Internally your blood pressure rises, but externally you keep it cool. "I promise it's neither. It was an accident. I just didn't see you," you explain.

"An accident? I don't know if I believe that," he tuts, "Before you said mistake. That could imply some intention."

"Accident and mistake mean the same thing," you dispute with a little desperation.

"I don't know... changing your story, cause to suspect intoxication, arguing with an officer. Things aren't looking good for you. I have reason to write you up at the very least," he chides.

"Please don't," you practically beg, "I'm sorry for arguing, but I swear on everything that I'm not on anything and it was absolutely not my intention to hit you with my car. Please there has to be something I can do."

That grin from earlier spreads across his face again. "I suppose there's a few things you could do. Don't think we should talk about them in the middle of the street though."

"Oh um, did you want me to pull my car to the side of the road?" you ask.

"Sounds like a good start, don't you think?" he asks.

You nod and quickly turn around to hop back in the car. Alone in the interior, you let out a shaky breath. You had a feeling as to what was coming. It wasn't ideal, but you guessed it was better than hundreds of dollars for a ticket or thousands on bail. Maybe he didn't get laid often with an attitude like that, and you could make him cum quick.

You drive a little way down the street before putting the car in park again. It crossed your mind to speed off and drive away, but you'd bet your life he had your license plate by now. You let out a final deep sigh before the backdoor opens, and he slides into the car.

"Get in the back with me," he says.

You obey again, opening your door and transferring to the rear seats of your vehicle. You look over at him with a mix of apprehension and annoyance. It entertains him all the more.

"You look like you know what I want," he says.

"I have a pretty good guess," you say, your voice quiet compared to his.

He leans in closer to you, nuzzling the side of your head and taking in your scent.

"You get yourself in this kind of situation often?" he asks before nipping at your earlobe sharply.

You wince and pull away slightly. His hand comes up and keeps your head close before you can move too far away though.

"No," you scoff.

"Good," he chuckles.

Despite his pretty face, everything about this moment is absolutely vile. He teases your ear and down your neck with a mixture of his lips and teeth. Simultaneously, his hands slide up your body to fondle your breasts. He gropes the mounds haphazardly, digging his fingers into them a bit too hard.

"You got nice tits, I'll give you that. Think I should've frisked you first," he whispers, "Maybe taken you back to the station for a strip search. Though then some of the other guys would've wanted a turn, and I don't like sharing my toys."

You scowl and look in the other direction. He was repulsive, but at the same time, some heat was beginning to pool in your belly from the combined touches of his mouth and hands. Though just as you're coming to enjoy the sensations, he takes them away. He pulls back from you, his hand going to the hardening bulge in his pants instead.

"I wanna try out that cute mouth first. I know there's a better use for it than talking," he says.

He's quick to undo his fly and whip his cock out. He gives it a few lazy strokes. It's pretty like everything else on him, the head already starting to glisten with pearly white precum.

He smirks at you taking in the sight. "What're you waiting for? I don't have all night."

Reluctantly, you get on your knees on the bench and lean forward. Your fingers wrap around the lower half while your mouth engulfs the top portion. The salty liquid spreads over your tongue, and your eyes flutter shut.

You hear him grunt from above you. One of his hands comes to rest on the back of your head and pushes you down a little more. You suck him deeper, laving your tongue against the underside of his cock.

"There you go. Take it," he moans quietly.

You tune him out and begin to bob your head. Soft slurping noises come from your mouth. Your hand lazily strokes the base. He was long enough to give you a little challenge but not thick enough to present a real struggle. You pick up a little speed, still wanting this to be over as quickly as possible.

He hums with satisfaction and relaxes against the smooth leather seats. His head tilts back and a low, whiny purr leaves his lips. You give his dick a gentle squeeze and suckle on the tip, letting some of your drool dribble down to his balls.

His hips buck up at the onslaught of sensations, and you gag a little. The noise isn't too loud, but he hears it. His eyes glow with desire at the thought of making you do it again.

His hands find their place on either side of your head. He acts as if he's guiding you at first, but he doesn't have the patience to truly ease you into having your face fucked. Before you can really register it, his hips start to thrust upward. His tip rams against the back of your throat, his shaft sliding between your lips over and over.

You give him what he wants and gag again. Spit seeps from between your lips onto his length. Your eyes water as he forces his cock as deep as physically possible.

"Think your throat was made for this. With lips like yours, it has to be," he mutters.

He keeps going, using your mouth as his fleshlight for the next minute or so. Your nose is nestled against his pelvis before he finally yanks your head off and sits you up again.

You're a bit dizzy when you're upright again. It's a relief to get a full breath of oxygen without the obstruction of him in your throat. He laughs quietly at the dazed look on your face, your teary eyes, and your saliva-coated lips.

"You liked that, hm? Think you needed it more than I did," he mocks.

You don't give him any indication either way. You're occupied with your vision coming back into complete focus.

"Now, face down ass up for me," he commands.

You go to move, but then pause and stare at him.

"In the car?" you ask uncertainly.

"Yes, in the car," he says, "It's cute how you ask that as if you have a choice."

"But- but why? I could make you cum if you lemme use my mouth a little more," you offer, but he shoots you down.

"I don't want your mouth. I pulled you off for a reason. I want a taste of that pussy before I cum. If you know how to give a blowjob like that, you must have something worthwhile between your legs," he says.

It's hard to fight off the heat creeping to your cheeks after hearing that. But you still don't move just yet.

"But someone could see... that's more obvious," you try to reason.

"Yeah? And what's anyone gonna do about it besides live with the knowledge that you're a slut?" he asks.

Just like that, you're really reminded of what this situation is. You flip over and pull down the clothing on your lower half to expose your cunt to him.

A whistle comes from behind you. You feel his hand come up to cup one of your ass cheeks. He drags his thumb up and down your folds, feeling the small amount of arousal that had collected there from giving him a blowjob. He dips the digit inside for a moment before pulling it out again. He just wanted to hear the sweet little noise you'd make. He wasn't disappointed by the whine he received.

"Are you on the pill?" he asks.

"Mhm," you hum.

"Clean?"

"Yes," you scoff.

Your attitude amuses him. It doesn't discourage him from rising to his knees behind you in the slightest. He balances himself on the seats before nudging his tip at your entrance and sliding in. The both of you moan and groan at the feeling.

Your nails claw at the seams of your seats as he sinks all the way in. He grabs your hips and makes sure you can't squirm away. He goes in until he bottoms out, completely wrapped in the warm wetness of your tight heat.

He doesn't give you time to adjust before he begins thrusting. He starts rocking right away, chasing his own pleasure like it's running from him. Your cheek rubs against the leather as he bumps you back and forth. You can tell the car is shaking from his movements, you just hope it's not too obvious to anyone who passes by. Though it wouldn't really matter. Even if they didn't see the car's motion, they'd surely spot the silhouette of the man in the backseat.

"Fuck," he whines, "You're tight. Think this might feel better than that mouth of yours."

You simply mewl in response. His cock was sliding deep, reaching all the little spots that didn't get as much attention as they needed. Your breathing turns to panting which only makes Naoya thrust harder.

"There you go, puppy. I knew you'd like it. This is what you're good for," he says as he continues pistoning himself inside you.

You try to hold in your shameful moan, but it slips out anyways. Your toes curl and your eyes flutter shut, rolling back behind the lids. From above, Naoya continues speaking. You're pretty sure he gets off to the sound of his own voice.

"I could've fucked you right in the middle of the street and made you thank me for it," he grunts, "You would've done it too, you little whore. Knew from the moment I saw you that you'd let me do anything I wanted."

You whimper because in a way, that was partially true. You gasp as you start to get closer. He smacks your ass hard while he continues rutting into you.

"Dumb slut. Not so concerned with people seeing now that you're about to cum, huh?" he taunts.

Shaking your head in agreement, you press your cheek further against the seat. You'd have preferred if you could at least maintain the story that he didn't make you cum, but it didn't seem like that was going to be the case. And honestly at this point, you felt too good to care.

He knows that he's getting close too. He can feel how his dick is pulsing with the need to empty his balls, fuck you full of his load.

He goes faster, gripping your hips strong enough to bruise. He's going so fast that it's like a blur. That's what pushes you over the edge. You clamp up on his cock which in turn causes ecstasy to spike through him and drag him to the finish line.

The two of you cum in tandem, you gushing on his cock and him stuffing you with his release. Even with your disdain for him, being fucked full of cum gives you the warm feeling of satisfaction. By the time he's finished, you're practically a puddle in your backseat.

He pulls out quickly, not caring to let you adjust to the emptiness as you would have preferred. He doesn't rub your back after or tell you that you did good. Doesn't let you curl up to his side or stroke your head. He simply pulls his pants up again and wipes the sweat from his brow.

He glances at your fucked out state. It brings him nearly as much satisfaction as his actual orgasm had, seeing how totally ruined you were.

Patting your ass, he scoots to the door and steps out.

"Have a good night, miss. Make sure you watch out for any pedestrians on your way home," he says, imitating a professional tone.

And with that, he’s gone, leaving you to scrape yourself back together.

[wtftarot]

How can you navigate your life from here on?

Thank you, @lifeofaie for suggesting this reading, I really loved the idea.

Listen, I fuckin love a good road trip, ok? And navigating on a road trip ain't that different from navigating your life. Great music and shitty snacks. Wrong turns and detours that end up being half the fun and the whole story later. Arriving later than you planned or having plans changed entirely. How it always seems like the more you try to plan and control things the more they go off the rails. What do you need to keep in mind on this road trip called life? (yes I know how dorky that was, nope I don't care, yes all of these are gonna be heavy on road trip metaphors) Consider this reading, stopping and asking a local for directions and I promise not to lead you to the den of a serial killer. What is your inner compass saying? Is it time to make a rest stop? Let's fuck around and find out.

as always this reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice in any capacity. Remember, use common sense, and don't be a dumbass.

Pick either the Road Stretching On, The Road to Anywhere and Nowhere, or the Road to Ol' Kentucky and head on to your reading

The Road That Stretches On

The Tower, Seven/ Swords Rx and the Magician on the bottom of the deck.

This reading is HEAVY. Some of y'all who came to this reading are dealing with some heavy mental shit. I am not a mental health professional, please seek one out. Tarot is awesome and helpful but it is not therapy.

Take a breath. I'm so fuckin serious right now. You need to breathe and clear your mind even for a second. Don't ya just love how many people come to readings and then ignore the simplest advice given? To just take a breath? ( I love y'all, but some of y'all need a lil call out every now and then) The reason why I'm pushing y'all to stop and breathe is cause y'all's mind never. fuckin. stops. does it? Never. I had to restart this reading three times, cause I just kept getting wrapped up in y'all's anxiety spiral. And, I know it's hard but if you never make a conscious decision to try and slow down and give yourself a second, it's not gonna happen. Human brains are mostly auto-pilot and if you don't try and take the reins every once in a while it'll just keep doing what it's doing. Y'all are incredibly overwhelmed by making decisions for your future. It's like you see your future like the picture you chose, a road stretching on forever that can lead to anywhere depending on the turns you make but for you there's something that could be lurking in each turn. Something you're not seeing and that is terrifying to you. Now the main contender here looks to be anxiety about the state of the world, climate change, wars, pollution, famine, natural disasters, and on and on. Like y'all seem to be thinking what's the point, everything's going to shit. Listen, I'm gonna try to be gentle but when I tell y'all I'm very passionate about this, I am downplaying so fuckin hard. A lot of people fall into this overwhelm, it's not your fault. Governments and corporations put a shit ton of effort into keeping us feeling overwhelmed, cause overwhelmed people are too drained to put up a real fight. The point of trying is you being happy. That is worth it. The point is you can spread that joy. The point is to make a difference while you can. The point is that yeah, the world may be going to hell in a handbasket and you're just one person but you are a whole ass person. Who doesn't have to take this shit lying down. You want to live your life but are terrified of what might happen if you do. You feel like the world is a scary place and it can be sometimes, but you're so scared of truly stepping into the world, you never let yourself be or do much. It's like y'all are super fuckin excited for the road trip but are so scared of what may be around any turn, you just keep going on the same road letting it take you wherever it does. To get anywhere you want to go you have to make some choices. Yea, they may not always turn out how you planned but here's the thing: You will be okay. What you need to do to navigate your life? I'm sorry, y'all are gonna hate this advice but trust yourself. Sweetie, you are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for, hell you may not have any knowledge of your full capabilities cause you've never let yourself reach them. Tarot readings can help you navigate, but all the readings in the world won't help you get anywhere if you never put your foot on the gas.

random ass vibes: I dunno if y'all forgot to eat but like I've been ravenous this whole reading, The cartoon Roadrunner, venus, tea, sunburn, flowers, 666

Like this reading and wanna enable me doing readings to put-off doing my laundry? Leave me a comment on how you liked it or a tip with the lil thing at the bottom of the post!

The Road to Anywhere and Nowhere

The Star, the Five/Pentacles Rx and the High Priestess on the bottom of the deck.

Listen, honey. You can handle this. And you know you can. You're listening to your intuition, learning to trust yourself if you don't already. Y'all are navigating your life, you may have rough moments as we all do but y'all are learning to handle those moments with grace. I'm not gonna lie, it took me a minute to figure out why y'all are even at this reading, seems like the topic of this reading ain't something y'all need help with. And it ain't, y'all are killing it in this area. The reason y'all are here? Y'all need some encouragement. Maybe need is the wrong word, cause y'all are doing fuckin awesome either way. Deserve. That's the word. Y'all deserve some encouragement. The road you're on may be unconventional or the people around you very strongly disagree with. Or maybe they just strongly disagree with you, your identity as a person. (I dunno where "strongly disagree" is coming from but it keeps popping up in my head?) I feel like y'all have actively had people put you down and were able to power through and encourage yourselves, so you may not need others to encourage you. BUT we all deserve to be encouraged, just cause you can power through without supportive voices doesn't mean that you should have to. SO GET READY FOR SOME CHANNELED ENCOURAGEMENT MOTHERFUCKER! Y'all have been doing a fuckin amazing job moving away from shitty past situations and are not fucking giving yourselves enough credit. Yes, even if it was "just" some mental blocks. Oh, "just" a mental block are you kidding me? Do you know how hard getting over your own mental bullshit is?? Y'all are over here, learning to parkour over your mental bullshit like a goddamn ninja, acting like it's no big deal. Sweetie, that's huge, you do realize that? To be honest with yourself, call yourself on your bullshit and then do something about it? Step fuckin one of that is daunting. And I'm hearing that y'all were able to get through faster than even your guides were expecting. Honey, how powerful are you? Not only that, but y'all are learning to argue with your self-deprecating thoughts. Asking them, who gives a shit what they have to say? And taking all the energy you used to put into pushing yourself down and using it to build yourself up. That's SO fuckin badass, y'all! Talk about fuckin alchemizing shit. Y'all saw how much time and energy it was taking to keep yourself small and hurt, thought: Wonder what would happen if I used that to build myself up instead? And then you went and did it and ITS FUCKIN GORGIOUS. The blessings are gonna start rolling in with this new energy, but you already knew that. Cause motherfucker YOU are the blessing! Y'all are really embodying your own power and strength and are KICKING ASS. The last message is to let yourself rest, y'all are doing a lot. So give yourself a break, let yourself sleep in a bit later. Set aside time to just chill, you won't lose your progress while you sleep.

random ass vibes: receiving roses, worms, gardening, astronomy designs on clothes, 18, hide and seek

Like this reading and wanna enable me doing readings to put-off doing my laundry? Leave me a comment on how you liked it or a tip with the lil thing at the bottom of the post!

The Road to Ol' Kentucky

Shout out to all my fellow Kentuckians! How y'all doing?

The Moon Rx, The Queen/Wands, the Page/Cups Rx and the Five/Wands Rx on the back of the deck

Y'all are being called to really embody yourself and your power moving forward. It seems like y'all not only have it in your head that you're a Page when you're a Queen (queen energy, not gender). You're wrong about the whole damn suit. Others may have convinced you you're being sensitive when they're being an asshole and you're pissed about it. (As if letting people talk shit about you is "weak" right?) Y'all think you're the negative aspects of the Cups: Overly emotional, flakey, manipulative, disorganized, and self-centered. When the truth is you're the positive aspects of the Wands: Passionate, creative, driven, confident, and strong-willed. Y'all are really fuckin hard on yourselves, okay? Others may have been intimidated by your strengths and convinced you they were your weaknesses. If y'all have been feeling stuck, this is why, alright? You are stuck cause you've been told that the way to get unstuck IS the reason you're stuck. Think of it like this, y'all are an airplane, convinced by cars that flying is your biggest weakness, trying to figure out why you never seem to get anywhere. Airplanes can roll around, sure but they're MADE to fly. It's time to do some hard thinking, probably back to when you were a kid. What were the things you loved and pursued, how did you pursue them and what bullshit did others say about it? Like, did you get super focused on an activity you were doing, forget about choirs or some shit, and then be called irresponsible and lazy? When you wanted something, were you the type to push and work towards it, then be called stubborn or relentless or annoying when others decided they wanted you to do something else? Because there are some good qualities y'all have that are how you're supposed to show up in the world that you're not letting yourself embody. To be clear, I'm not talking about being told you're acting like an asshole when you were, in fact acting like an asshole. I'm talking about strengths you had that were demonized to you and in an effort to be a better person you stopped using. Now they've atrophied and you've gotta work them out to get them back. Cause, listen the typical way of navigation ain't gonna work for you. Y'all can continue to roll around and try to get where you wanna go, but it's gonna be slow and a billion times harder. You ever seen an airplane trying to go down a road through town? Think a sec on on how hard that would be. Cause that's you, right now. There are no road maps for the sky, ya know? Y'all are charting your own path. You need to stop trying to make yourself follow the road map for life that others are using. It's not gonna work for you, cause it was never meant to. Y'all are on an unconventional path, the only way forward is to embrace it.

random ass vibes: Back To The Future, coffee, night owl, finding your people, reds oranges and yellows, clouds, libra, cats. Thelma and Louise

Like this reading and wanna enable me doing readings to put-off doing my laundry? Leave me a comment on how you liked it or a tip with the lil thing at the bottom of the post!

[seneon]

me when i remember i can send mashle requests 🙏🏻 bless your soul, sen 🫶🏻 so, since i’m lwky sick how about rayne, lance, orter (and or anyone else you want) taking care of sick reader? they had to find out you were feeling unwell from someone else too 😗

CARE ──── ft. rayne ames, lance crown and orter mádl.

about. hcs of the boys taking care of their sick s/o | gn! reader.

notes. ava you're such a W for this ily bro 🔥 anyway, keep the mashle requests coming i love everyone who requests for them.

RAYNE AMES

— honestly, bro's so worried for you the moment a classmate rushed to his class to tell him abt you. you're also a second year, just different classes from rayne for today. so he excused himself and rushed right to you.

— there at the infirmary, you sat down on the bed, your weakened state piercing rayne's heart. he went to embrace you in a hug and reassure you that everything is going to be ok. then he helped you to your dorm to rest.

— what intrigued everyone the most was how he traded places with your dorm mate for a few days just because he wanted to look after you while you're sick. during those moments, he looked after you. your food, temperature, symptoms, etc. he was there the whole time, even if he went for some certain classes that he wouldn't want to miss. but most of the time, he skipped those classes.

— rayne made sure everything was perfectly to your preferences. and you've been pretty obedient with the medicine too, which you didn't want rayne to worry about anymore further considering how he's skipping classes just to look after and accompany you. so you try your hardest to get well soon.

— he probably prayed to God for your health to get better soon. and when his prayers were heard, rayne is overjoyed and kept thanking God and you for doing such a great job in hanging tight to go through it all.

LANCE CROWN

— it was lemon who informed him about your health. of course, he would keep his calm composure but on the inside, he's really worried and panicking. lance thinks it was his fault for going too hard on you during your sparring session since it was pretty much him using his gravitational magic to defeat you so it most probably caused your dizzy mind and body.

— the type to pay you visits with his other friends, since they're always with him. but he does it alone, he apologises so much and ends up crying then sleeping by the bed.

— your sickness wasn't that serious, it was just a mild fever. so all you needed was rest, medicine, and some of lance's comforting words. he tells you about what happened during school everyday, updating you about his day then listening to yours.

— lance notes down your classes' lessons and notes and gives them to you after the day or during free time. there's some certain lessons that you didn't share with lance and he would go all the way to ask your classmates or self study to write notes for you.

— after you were discharged from the school's hospital, lance helped you slowly recover from school as much as he could. he was gentle with your recovery and wouldn't want anyone or anything to hurt you so he's ALWAYS with you to serve as your temporary guard. he protects you for a whole full week, like a dad.

ORTER MÁDL

— unlike rayne or lance, he doesn't show that he concerns. but deep down, he cares, and he doesn't. orter is like a two way kinda person, which is a bit complicating. so you won't know if he actually cares or not, since he didn't really reacted when the doctor told him about you.

— but, he tries his hardest to make time to visit you at the hospital since he's a busy man as divine visionary. once he found out that the hospital you were admitted in gives shitty low-class treatment, he immediately demanded for you to be transferred to the best hospital in the country.

— orter manages to get other divine visionaries to sub for his missions and duties so he could be with you and help look after you. the simple feeling and thought of you being alone in a big hospital gives him an unsettling worry so he decides to be there for you.

— he's the smart type of guy, so he does everything logically. if you don't want to take your meds, he'd just drink it, hold it using it tongue, kiss you and force you you to swallow it by covering your nose. pretty comical actually, how'd he tries showing you care but ends up screwing some of it up.

— it's ok tho, he's probably just feeling a bit of like a tsundere. he denies your teasing but ends up getting flustered. that would actually help you a lot in your recovery as your gloomy days spent in the hospital was filled with orter's entertainment until you were discharged, all healthy thus giving orter so many kisses which he would awkwardly return one on your lip.

[rkaln]

its akatsuki!Lee propaganda & #like what is the lore

part III

and what does suna's anbu have to do with it? it will be later, but the sktch with anbu!Lee bcse that's what I'm going to end up with... god, the list of my <thing>!Lee doesn't look like a joke anymore…

going back to the last part

> gaara really feels guilty. in general, it looks like Lee literally found himself in the position that Gaara has always been in, and which he is trying so hard to fix. so a one-time dialogue with an apology should end with an unspoken

"you can come if necessary, and you will be accepted/ not handed over"

> So over time it becomes a safe space and a place where one might not be "akatsuki given that, definitely, over time, Lee may have thought that he would like to return home, but understanding how impossible it is now does not give reason to consider such an option

***

a little offtop, but DO YOU REMEMBER THIS FILLER? I know that filler is not canon, but it fits so well into this AU. because my reasoning boiled down to the fact that orochimaru perfectly manipulates emotions and, in fact, there were no guarantees that Tsunade would have been found at all, but Guy? if before the filler, I put it into the fact that Lee could reason that he would prove to him that it was the right decision. And she will only show herself to him when she can prove it. then AFTER this filler, I consider it one of the main triggers for making a decision.

(ok, no one will deny that Lee is very emotional, and in fact there are enough moments in the canon when it acquires an aggressively dark character, but a really difficult emotional state also plays a role here, and if to a huge offense towards Sasuke and doubts about the life position that "really everything can be done with the help of your own work." ADD THIS MOMENT FROM THE FILLER TO IT?? moreover, he is still, you know, a teenager)

s o, this is one of the reasons why I don't consider that he would return to Guy. if at first it was anger and resentment, then with time and the realization of some other things, it would just come down to shame and guilt.

***

> so Gaara and Lee have much more understanding of each other in this AU at the level of life experience.

So even taking into account the fact that they had no interaction here except for the arch of the exam (because the arch with Sasuke's persecution is already superimposed on the time when Lee left), gaara would still be ready to provide unconditional acceptance to him, because he knows that if you do shitty things and everyone around sees only this, matching something else is too difficult

-> running into the "safe space" becomes something quite stable over time

> what about sex? here it is for me the same "slowburn, but they fuck regularly"

AU, in which I believe that sex appeared before "relationships" because:

- no one ever knows if there will be a next meeting at all, because this is not the case when you will receive a letter telling you what happened

- it is also a more "simple" way of interaction, where you do not need to put everything into words or think about social norms

as part of the speech about rough sex, here is a little more detail.

and with a reference to the dialogue about "bad people" in the previous part

The longer Lee stays in Akatsuki, the more he returns to the fact that, according to his worldview, he is still a bad person.

There was no such dialogue between them, so sooner or later Gaara must turn away from him too.

"he just didn't understand."

"he hasn't seen what kind of person I am yet."

"I don't deserve to be accepted and treated like this."

... and Gaara's absolute indifference to these facts even starts to anger to some extent.

"he just doesn't believe in what I can be."

(actually, it's funny separately, because generally remembering that they are ninjas in the canon, is it that "I will become the strongest ninja who cannot use chakra" actually sounds like "I will be the best at killing on my own," you know)

so one day it will come to Lee's attempts to cross the line, to grope for the boundary of this acceptance. (so sex is involved in this too) "now he'll understand and push me away" "after that he won't be able to accept me"

It's clear that this is pretty stupid considering Gaara's experience.

of course, it doesn't work. more precisely, it works as a confirmation that there were no borders there.

so rough sex is also a separate tool of interaction, in which Lee can be convinced of acceptance, not to mention some other things like personal emotions, feelings of possession, etc., and for Gaara, it's just something in which he (FINALLY) can not be responsible for his actions. (here I'm talking about the fact that Gaara's whole life is surrounded by responsibility for others, and responsibility for what you did in the past), not to mention some other things like personal emotions etc lol

[redr0sewrites]

I don't usually see him in that light but the fluffy vox headcannon was absolutely adorable and definitely a pleasant read. I'm not one to steal ideas but any chance of some Charlie comforting fluff at some point? Time with that cinnamon roll just seems perfect after a bad day.

ADJDHSHE TYYYYY!!! i had a bit of a shitty day today myself and i love charlie sooo yea ♥️

🥀Cw: none really, fluff, lil bit of angst to comfort

how does it feel to have the sweetest gf in the world?

seriously though, charlie cares about you so, so much. she's also pretty perceptive, maybe not incredible at reading people but emotionally intelligent enough to be able to tell when your upset. charlie is definitely very empathetic and once she knows someone well, she can tell how they feel very quickly. sometimes you won't even realize how upset you are until she asks you if you're okay, and the weight of the past day or so comes crashing down around you as you finally feel genuine comfort.

charlie is very cuddly, and when you're feeling down she's always willing to offer some hugs or affection of any kind. however, she's also very understanding in the case of you not wanting to be touched, and will offer to get some snacks and blankets and just sit together!

charlie is an amazing listener, always providing great advice and sweet solutions. you'll be laying with your head in her lap as she plays with your hair, rambling about your shitty day while she listens carefully, occasionally pausing to press a soft kiss to your forehead before you continue

charlie, like vox, would also be the type to sing to you when you're tired, or even dance with you after a long day. you both are definitely the type of couple to dance in the kitchen to soft music, and this often occurs unprompted. you'll be sitting, looking miserable and tried and charlie will scoop you up and pull you along until your both swaying to the rythm, and she'll twirl you and dance with you until giggles fill the room and a smile is on your face

YOU TWO DEFINITELY HAVE SPA DAYS TOGETHER!!! when you're overworked and exhausted she pleads with you to take the day off and you indulge, allowing yourself to be pampered by her. you guys will do facemasks, paint eachothers nails, do full skincare and haircare routines, everything! she'll even give you a massage, forcing you to relax. she truly does care about you more than anything

she def likes to talk to you about her day when you're too tired to rant, and she stays close to you when she knows that you're not feeling great. she doesn't want to be irritating, but she wants to let you know that she's there if you need her ♥️

overall, charlie is very caring and a TOTAL sweetheart when it comes toy our wellbeing. she genuinely cares so much about your feelings and you matter to her a lot, so she always wants to make sure your happy and content

"hey baby!! how are youuuu?" charlie grinned, opening her arms as you stepped inside the hotel. your smile didn't meet your eyes as you stepped into her embrace, leaning against her as she ran her hands through your hair. "m' fine," you murmur, pressing a kiss to her cheek as you pull away. charlie arches a brow, not pausing for a second before scooping you up into her arms. "you don't look fine," she hums, carrying you towards your shared bedroom. "you need rest! you look exhausted- what did i say about pushing yourself too hard?"

you chuckle at her endearing tone, her nose always scrunched up when she ranted and you can't help but kiss her again. charlie flushes, entering your bedroom and dropping you unceremoniously onto the mattress. you grumble for a second as she joins you, wrapping herself in a blanket and grabbing some snacks from her nightstand. "lets just chill, we can watch a movie!" charlie offers excitedly, and you nod, relaxing against her. soon, you feel your eyelids start to droop as exhaustion takes over.

i am so tired and i feel like shit but i love herrrrrrrr!!! i need more reqs for the fem characters fr‼️ sorry this is so short i am very tired and i cant breathe through my nose and my throat and head hurts and i am Trying My Best

[taki118]

Yakuza Fiance ep 3 Manga Comparison

Ep 3 of Raise wa Tanin ga Ii aka Yakuza Fiance, just aired, and you know the drill there are some important and/or fun things that slipped through the cracks of adaptation. Since I am SUPER normal about the manga I got everything here under the cut. Warning these are fan translations cause I'm lazy.

So for reference yes the manga chapter does start like that but there is a little back and forth in the scene overall including this

Kirishima actually has to beg more for Ayano (thats her name) we loose some good bits, such as Aya being a bikini model and having a boyfriend she complains to him about, and how Kirishima describes their situation like its your bog standard high school romance.

This scene was really cut down to be like a cold open there's more but there's this

We get more insight into Kirishima's situation with these women and confirmation there are more and that they are aware. Another thing is Ayano does help Kirishima work through some thoughts and cutting down their back and forth looses some of that. (maybe i'll do a whole thing on this later)

I actually really like how they did the first sleep scene in the anime except

Why did they leave out the line where Yoshino guesses it was Kirishima? Its so odd but again this scene of Yoshino in the kitchen is longer in the manga

Most importantly it makes clear a full day has passed and that she was trying to sus out info from him at school. Also she ponders if he poisoned her water filter before she has her freak out that he's so crazy it's becoming normal for her.

Overall the second sleep scene is done fairly well I like how it's animated the manga just gives you a feeling its going on longer as Kirishima makes a bunch of braids in her hair so her jumping makes more sense but also we loose this bit

I dunno I just think Kirishima worrying about the futon and her hair is funny.

Honestly I'm actually surprised how closely the convo they have after this is so close to manga. I'm glad cause it's important I could talk about it but thats not what this is for (getting so many ideas though)

So again there is more back and forth about Kirishima calling Gaku (where he says he thinks he shouldve gone in person to apologize) and more on Yoshino's dad, with her asking how much he's looked into her and Kirishima admitting it was a bit. Yoshino also states it was because her dad was normal she had some hopes of being with a normal guy, and that all the men in the house feel like fathers or brothers to her which I do honestly think is important for her so I'm sad thats out. Its not alot but it is some added context.

so ok this guy at the summit, (excuse my shitty picture)

Yeah he's not introduced in the manga at this point, every other character is there but for some reason the anime added this guy to the scene. Like he shows up WAY later and doesn't do much had it pointed out to me but its still weird. Anyway surprisingly the meet is very accurate to the manga thought for sure they cut something but no instead of ending with Akime giving an ominous stare we get this guy glaring at Renji, and like I think it really undercuts the scene cause it makes him seem more important than he probably is.

Anyway the scene with Hotei is again longer in the manga and like the scenes with Renji a lot of the warmth is lost again you don't really get a sense for their dynamic like technically there's nothing really missing but it doesn't quite have the right feel.

So I am very surprised with how much the cut from the SHouma shopping scene. Such as this

Like Yoshino is literally dragging him around cause he can't be bothered and Yoshino points out he went through the trouble of booking a room but not packing luggage, grade A Shouma logic, (also why that added bit in ep 2 makes zero sense) But we also loose some more explanation as to why he's here now.

Its not needed needed but it does provide extra context. What I am upset with is they didn't do the pay off for a set up in ep 1

Like the weirdly cut out the part of their conversation about the bullying Yoshino got in ep 1 explaining who she sent the picture to and why she did it. It's so weird honestly cause again this shows us how close they are and what their dynamic looks like. Also it just makes the conversation flow more naturally, in the anime is a little odd.

Well at least they kept Kirishima's weird ass basement.

Again though a LOT is cut from the dinner scene with Yoshino and Shouma the conversation is a lot longer.

She brings up Kirishima after rolling down his sleeves (which is funnier in the manga) and again the flow is better. Yoshino gives a much more in-depth explanation about why she can't really describe him to Hotei. But there is some character stuff here in her feeling comfortable enough to tell Shouma, also he makes some funny faces.

Anyway the explanation about the gang stuff is kinda the same overall but the manga feels less expositioney about it what with how its presented and how it feels more like a conversation

It just feels less like Shouma is talking at her but rather with her.

So again I don't get why the anime keeps removing the humor from the series like this

The idea that Yoshino is dying from over eating but Shouma wants to get some ramen and how he compares her to a sea lion, like its fun anime why do you seem to hate fun. But again a LOT of context is taken out of the scene from between Yoshino complaining about Kirishima to Shouma saying he'll kill him

Like the pieces are here but they arent quite fleshed out enough, the anime makes it seem like Shouma just offered to kill unprompted but Yoshino brings it up first in the manga and the way she talks there he does sound more dangerous.

The convo again is similar but lacking in depth, both because its shortened and because a lot of the build up is missing. Honestly theres just sooooo much in this ep I'm not surprised but I am surprised where its cut from. The ending is exactly the same with Kirishima and Shouma meeting (again why that bit last ep??) with the exception of missing out on this golden undercut

Like seriously why take out these jokes anime? this better be in ep 4

[palskippah]

Hellowi pretty people I come over to ramble about random Nimona projects and stuff bc I'm excited about them but nothing's finished

I'm writing a short thing for fun with the idea of Ambrosius getting hearing loss because of the explosion that made Nimona and the laser and I'm listening to songs to see if I get inspo for the title (so far the doc is called 'Ambrosius gets hearing damage' but that's not cool JSKSHD), and listening to Mistki I was like omg a fic called Why Not Me. But then I was like omg a fic regarding Nimona and her monster form with the title 'I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down' but then I was like no omg what about a fic about comic goldenheart with the title 'I always want you when I'm finally fine'

I have no idea what qualifies as a good lyrics title but I think they work

And I literally have no ideas besides a phrase and the vibes for it, and still got no title for the temporarily deaf Ambrosius thing but it's so fun to do this sjdkdj (also, I really like the headcanon of him getting permanent but parcial (?) hearing loss on the ear that was closest to the explosion, it makes sense) (also I've experienced some partial hearing loss (?) at some point earlier this year and it's just so not fun to go through that bc people get very mad at you when you need them to repeat themselves more than twice and ask them to be louder pipipi anyways everything keeps happening around him and Ambrosius doesn't catch half of it and he feels a bit too helpless and scared of not hearing again but it works out in the end (more or less))

I see why everyone always picks lyrics as title names they're so coolest also mistki's songs are so good 😔🙏 they make me sad and happy at the same time sjddj

Another thing that has a long way to go and I'm trying to find a title for is an au of the gay dads au with mpreg where Ballister is from the beginning Nimona's dad and Ambrosius is that ex that by chance slowly makes his way back to his life and accidentally becomes Nimona's stepdad (like in Look Who's Talking? I think sjdkdj) also Meredith's there and she's cool and doing her own thing, I'm glad I read the comic bc I changed her relationship with Ballister in the fic and I think it works better with his decisions and motivations and all that stuff

(in my head it's very epic but to you it may seem like anything JSKDH)

Ballister is not really having a good time (lonely, unsure about his decision, scared and stuff, especially when he has to have her) but he has his good moments, promise. Also he hugs Meredith and she pats his back awkwardly like in the comic, at some point

Also as soon as Ballister finds out that Nimona's a girl he gets many very pink clothes pipipi Ambrosius gets him pink stuff for her too bc he sees any cute baby clothes or accessories and he's like hey I bet Ballister would like this for his baby :) and buys it

Nimona doesn't like him much when she's born, and he's like aw c'mon :( I bought you so many gifts pipipi I helped fold your tiny little clothes that one time !! (Ballister points out that he had done a very shitty job at it and Ambrosius shushes him, covering Nimona's ears)

ALSO

I'm drawing stuff for a TikTok post about mpreg but for comic goldenheart and trying to make the comic plot fit into it and it's so silly bc they have nothing to do with one another.

Ambrosius and Ballister don't beat the shit out of each other at the bar but Ballister goes away all angrily while Ambrosius walks behind him going Ballister I'm not done talking to you !!! >:(

And Ballister's like I am !! >:( and then there's another drawing of him leaning against a wall with one hand going damnit because he overworked himself, and Ambrosius going all *touching his hands together nervously* do you need to sit down :(? And Ballister going ...no. fuck off.

Also Nimona telling him to just abort that thing when he first told her (and he hadn't known yet what to do about it), and then when Cyrus' born he's staring angrily at her (he's not, he's just newly born and scrunched) and Nimona's like, holy shit boss, he remembers 😟 and Ballister's like, ?? How's he gonna remember, he doesn't even know you.

Also Ballister getting sad about the discussion at the bar and Nimona cheering him up with the science fair, but him going this won't trick anybody, look at me😔 *gestures to his pregnant self* and Nimona's like, nah boss you just look like you got a beer gut, it'll work. How they manage to run away from the guards/knights and all that when Nimona's stuck in cat form, that's not my business 🧐

Also Cyrus is born sometime before the whole Ballister freaking out about Nimona's powers, so he's somewhere in the kingdom being babysat by a nice older lady or something when Nimona's part is destroying everything. Or maybe he's just peacefully sleeping very far away in the lair and Ballister goes around the whole thing with a baby monitor, whichever option works. (Neither does 😭)

So yeah yippie I wanna post this stuff but nothing's finished pipipi 😔

[ramblingautisticman]

Why Is This Song In My Poolverine Playlist, A Series.

(I am extremley insane and make playlists for every ship/character/show I like, and yes there is a reason each on is in there. I think of lil scenarios, situations or straight up story ideas because of a song- so enjoy this series where I write them all down!)

Today's song, Car Lights by James Marriot.

So, firstly, this is a Wade and Logan song. The lyrics and the vibe and everything just fit in my head perfectly. (All of the lyrics in Red are Wade, all in Orange are Logan)

Now, the first verse seems to me like Wade's thoughts as he sits at the table, surrounded by the people he saved, staring into the pizza on his plate zoned out.

Wade questions why he's still here. He was ready to die, to finally be the hero, and get his happy ending. He was going to finally matter. He was going to finally make a difference- but here he was. Logan had saved him. Logan had fought hard to do so - for some strange reason- and now his family of 9 (well, 12. Laura, Logan and Dogpool all had a place here now, and he hoped it lasted for a long while.) were sat around his shitty dining table, drinking shitty beer and eating even shittier pizza. It felt weird. He felt out of place.

"Why am I here? Could you come instead? I'm ten good miles out of my depth."

But he should be happy. He should be glad that his family are safe- that he has found more people to add to his photo! Everything should feel perfect! Yet, he still feels as he did before. He still has this gnawing feeling of inadequacy, the feeling that- even after all this- he still hasn't done anything of value. It was only because Logan agreed to come with him that they were safe now. If Logan had said no, or if he hadn't been able to find a Logan who had agreed, they would all be dead. They would all be nothing.

"Some more fake smiles, I'll just nod my head."

And while he wants to just drown in those thoughts for awhile, Logan manages to snap him out of it by taking Mary Puppins from him, telling him to talk to Vanessa. And what's strange is that- even after doing this for her- he doesn't really feel that spark as he looks at her. He feels this strange empty pit in his stomach where previously there had been this wondrous feeling of hope and love. Wade suddenly can't help but feel stupid for even trying to win her back. Vanessa was happy with Dermot. Vanessa had moved on and suddenly- sitting here with everyone- he realizes those feelings of hope and love have shifted. He isn't sure what to, but they have shifted, and it makes his stomach twist. Maybe this was a sign that Wade really wasn't important. That he wasn't destined to do great things and that he would be alone forever. So he shares a quiet word, tries to pretend he is happy and still inlove, and soon enough they are holding hands ontop of the table. But it doesn't feel like it used too. That electricity isn't there and Wade finds that he doesn't want to try and chase it. He doesn't know if he can set himself to just be hurt again- but he also knows he doesn't want it. He doesn't know what he wants now, but maybe it isn't this, and that scares him.

"For one more glimpse of your breath. Stained shirts and cigarettes. I failed again, tried my best."

Soon enough, everyone has said their goodbyes, Logan and Wade left to clean the apartment up while Al goes to bed. It's quiet for a moment, before Logan asks how it went with Vanessa, and Wade freezes at the question. He should feel something about the fact they aren't getting back together- shouldn't he? Should be upset or annoyed or angry or something- but he really isn't. He thinks that Vanessa is better off without him. Everyone he has ever gotten close too ends up hurt anyway, and Vanessa is the massive proof of that. And he must not of answered because suddenly he feels a strong but gentle hand on his shoulder, and Logan is stood infront of him with a concerned expression. It makes Wade feel safe and seen and fucking worse and he quickly plasters a smile on his face, makes a grotesque joke about how he won't ever get to see that pussy again, and throws some music on to drown out the thoughts as he finishes cleaning the apartment.

"Forget my fears, ignore all my frets. Just lay your mind on my chest."

And maybe Logan seems to understand because he doesn't ask any more questions, just tidys with him while some trashy music plays behind them, and Wade is overly grateful for that. As much as he doesn't want to think about why he is feeling the way he does, he knows he should. Wade tries to rationalise it- to tell himself that maybe it's because he's tired or because Vanessa told him they couldn't get back together- but he knows those are both lies. It suddenly hits him that he doesn't feel sad or angry because he doesn't feel like that towards her anymore. It hits him hard, that realisation. Vanessa had been the one thing in Wades life he knew would always be there- and in theory- always be the same. They were meant to be soulmates, to match eachothers crazy, but suddenly they weren't and suddenly Wade was okay with that. And, once again, he must of freaked Logan out- this time there are two strong hands on his shoulders trying to ground him- and it works. It takes a minute, and Logan has to talk to him about how to breath, but it works and Wade feels wet streaks down his face. Logan doesn't even say anything before he is wrapping his hands around Wade and pulling him into his chest, holding him as close as he can. After a good few minutes of awkwardly standing there, Wade wraps his shaky arms around Logan's middle and let's everything hit him. Let's the emotions take over, and before he can register it, he's crying into Logan's chest.

"You seem like that kind of guy to play me tonight."

It should feel comforting- and it does, it really really does- but it also makes Wade feel a strangley familiar sensation in his stomach. That warm fuzzy feelings that's a mixture of anxiety and comfort. A feeling he only used to feel with Vanessa. Wade knows he shouldn't feel like this. Really. This is Logan- and he was Wade- and he has only just realized he doesn't even want Vanessa anymore- but it doesn't feel bad. For some reason, the warm fuzzy feeling makes him feel better. Makes him feel safe. Makes him feel like maybe everything will be okay- because for some reason- someone might care.

"I hate what your doing, I hate that it feels so right."

And that makes him feel even worse somehow, and Wade is quickly pulling away from Logan because he can't deal with this right now. Right now he needs to make a bed for Mary Puppins and set the pull out couch up for them and he needs to throw the rest of the pizza away before it gets all gross and he doesn't have time to think about this. Think about why he feels like this.

And honestly, the rest of the song? It's Logan and Wade.

"I think I'm falling for someone else".

After such a long time pining over Vanessa, Wade suddenly becoming aware that he doesn't have feelings for the one person who he thought understood him and that instead he's gaining feelings for someone who truly understands him, and being completely terrified.

"I'm not scared, there's nothing to run from"

That is Logan reassuring Wade. Telling him that, I love you no matter what. I want you. There is nothing I am scared of- not when I'm stood next to you. Reminding him that there is no danger in letting him be loved. That he doesn't have to run.

"You can hold my hand in a crowded place, but just hold me close, and hope that they don't see my face."

Wade feeling insecure being public with his relationship. He hates how he looks- how people stare and gawk at him- and Logan doesn't need that. Logan doesn't need people to look at him and feel pity.

"I can answer your troubles if you let me in."

Logan begging Wade to let him in. To talk to him. To be open about why he feels the way he does- trying to help him as much as he can.

I hope you enjoyed this long ramble, and if yall want the playlist let me know!!

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 6

you saw me as someone worth saving.

i didn’t want what happened to change the way you saw me.

we’re gonna get through this. we kind of have to.

sometimes our mistakes follow us.

in fact, i did not start out a bad person.

glory’s fine. revenge is more fun.

as usual, i make the wrong decision.

i was scared. i’m just tired of being scared. 

all that rage is bad for your complexion. 

you are so sweet and naive and dumb.

curious. how many more rock bottoms are you going to have to hit before you start taking care of yourself?

i used to think a lot of shit matters.

talking makes things real. and real things end.

i wanted to be a part of your world. but i didn’t know your world was like this. 

i’m so sick of people telling me who i am.

the guilt of it all. what are we supposed to do with that? 

i don’t want to be afraid anymore.

it’s like i always used to need someone else to make me feel whole. 

you didn’t let me down.

you’re this fiery, passionate person.

we’re working to stop the monsters and to stop people from turning into monsters.

it’s important to have an exit plan that’s more than just an exit.

maybe it’s not so bad when you’re the one holding the knife.

at least i know who i am.

i’m nobody’s guiding light.

i don't belong to anybody.

i was alone. surrounded by people, but still alone.

rise and shine, we’re in hell. 

this is the worst it’s been. that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

you’re going dark on me again.

if you’re bullshitting me, i don’t care.

i never wanted to be the bad guy.

why did anyone ever do shit for me when all i ever did was let them down?

look at you, always standing in my fucking way.

your memory is like… lethally selective.

what if we end up making each other freaking miserable?

what if i hurt you? i’ve hurt people before. very badly.

for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.

you’re the future, kid. never forget that. 

i guess i just want it to make some kind of sense.

however this plays out, i’m seeing it through with you.

you’ve done a lot, no question. but there is always more.

you believed in me when i didn’t.

this may shock you, but not everyone here likes you.

this place makes you face your demons or something, and turns out, your demons are really fucking ugly.

maybe in the end it’ll be me and you trying together. 

maybe it makes me selfish. i don’t think it makes me wrong.

there’s a whole world out there for you. go. fight for it. be brave.

i'm talking the greater good. doesn't always have to be what's best for everybody.

it doesn’t matter how shitty they are. it still fucks you up when they’re gone.

sometimes, someone comes into your life at just the right moment, you know?

stop being mad at me for wanting a different future.

you’re not like the others. but you know that, don’t you?

this isn’t pressure. it’s winning. 

i want a life where we can just… be. 

the worst has already fucking happened. i don’t think i’ve got it in me to be that scared about something that could be good.

we can’t save anyone until we save ourselves.

if you’re with me, i need you to say it.

what gives you the right to choose who lives and who dies?

i don’t know how this is going to end or what happens to me, but for whatever it’s worth, i am with you. 

why am i always doing bad things in your dreams?

you don’t trust anybody else to take care of things.

enough people have died. 

tell me you didn’t kill anyone. if you say it, i’ll believe you.

thank you for believing in me. 

i don’t wanna die.

i was just following your lead the whole time. we all were.

i’m not a hero. i’m just helping a friend.

i don’t think this is goodbye. 

you need someone to help get you there, and you have to get there.

i’m sorry you met me, but i’m glad i got to know you. i’ll never forget you.

can’t i just blame everything on my mother and be done with it?

the whole world’s haunted.

i did monstrous things. 

you’re happy. which you’re allowed to be, in case you didn’t know.

just because someone saved your life doesn’t mean you have to live the rest of it for them.

it is not up to you to carry everyone else.

put your trust in other people. in me.

sometimes, helping hurts like hell.

i just wish sometimes i had a map to figure you out.

it’s a crazy world out here, full of people who sometimes disappoint us, but it’s damn beautiful.

i’m sorry. small words for something so big.

what do you live for? living takes effort now, it takes everything. those still alive have their reasons.

the world is nothing without hope.

think about what you want. what you truly want.

the bad things we do must be done. we carry that burden so the others don’t have to.

i’m gonna screw with your life just like the way you did with mine.

this place, it’s safe. it’s good for everybody.

we take what we got, and we make it work.

they changed the game, so we change how we play.

oh my god, you killed him.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 142 thoughts!

HEADS UP: In this review I discuss fictional depictions of sibling incest as well as a brief reference to both fictional and a real life suicide. As usual, feel free to skip if you're not in the right zone and I'll see you next time.

thank you for the kind words from everyone when i was still in the Slime Era of feeling sick lol. i'm like 80% back to full power now!

I'm gonna be totally up front and say I really think this is one of the worst chapters we've gotten in a while but here's the twist: it's not for the reasons you probably think!

We're following up basically right off the back of last chapter and immediately I am kind of mad at how shitty the series is continuing to do Miyako with regards to the movie arc. She was a total non-factor in the RBKN conflict and now that Aqua and Ruby are being pressured into doing something they have both verbalized that they don't want to do she's just like well gosh i feel complicated but what can i do :(. Having the setup almost 20 full chapters ago of Miyako expressing that she wants to step up and do more for Aqua and Ruby as their mother and then having her completely failing to intervene on their behalf here is just wild.

In general, the way everything is being set up to force this kiss feels so… well, forced. Even if Kaburagi (as the story says) insisted there be a kiss scene, there are a million ways to fake a kiss that doesn't involve actors actually kissing. Body doubles! Camera angles! Putting your thumbs in the way! Unless Kaburagi said "I want 20 full seconds of Kamiki sticking his tongue down Ai's throat center frame", there is absolutely no reason "a kiss scene" needs to mean "these two blood related twin sibling actors actually kiss". The whole thing is just so incredibly contrived.

And honestly? The fact that both Ruby and Aqua have expressed a 'no' and are being forced to do this anyway is the part of this chapter making me the most actively insane. It is absolutely mind boggling to have spent half of last chapter on a Miyako monologue about how immoral and unethical it is when people's ability to give informed and sincere consent is compromised by the entertainment industry and to then follow it with a whole chapter of basically every character we're supposed to like flaunting a total lack of respect for Aqua's comfort and consent in this regard, up to and including the completely insane scene of two adult women lecturing Aqua about how he isn't allowed to have boundaries. What the fuck is going on here!!!

This is especially frustrating because I actually really like a lot of things about the scene with Yoriko and Abiko… even if there's some stuff that really kind of broke me lol. Like uh, wasn't it a really huge plot point in Tokyo Blade that a mangaka couldn't be expected to turn out an entertaining theater script because those are two entirely different kinds of storytelling…??? But whatever.

Off the bat, I have really mixed-leaning-negative feelings about the reveal that the KamiAi romance scenes we'd gotten were entirely fictional. On the one hand, I actually feel pretty validated - I had guessed that the full-immersion-flashback presentation was a hint that we were being presented with a falsehood and it implicitly confirms something I've been saying from the start that 15 Year Lie's version of events has to be taken with a grain of salt, both because it contradicts known events and facts and because so many other people have interfered with it. Having that made textual and being able to confidently say it helps a lot in discussing what this means for the story.

But like… that means we wasted a whole bunch of time on shit that was made up and didn't matter! Like, thematically speaking, I think this is potentially interesting but I just keep getting stuck on the fact that we were given a super interesting scene finally fleshing out and giving us info about both a character and a relationship we've been absolutely starved for details about, only for the story to turn around not two chapters later and go "and my source? i made it the fuck up". It just totally dashes all the enthusiasm I was feeling and it also makes it way less rewarding to try and dig into what 15YL is doing when at any time, all of this potentially interesting character work could be revealed to be total piss in the wind.

Stepping back from that… in total isolation from everything else, I do think this talk with Abiko and Yoriko about what it means to write stories is interesting from a lot of angles. While I don't think these two are the 1-to-1 author avatars for Aka and Mengo fandom treats them as, they nevertheless clearly serve as reflections of the two's experiences and viewpoints about the manga industry and specific and the art of storytelling in general, allowing the story to play around in the quasi-metafictional space it does sometimes, where it uses in-universe fiction as a method of commenting on itself.

In that sense, I think Yoriko can be understood as speaking for Akasaka here and discussing some of his feelings as a storyteller of Oshi no Ko specifically. OnK has never made a secret of the fact that it's drawing on Akasaka's real experiences in the entertainment industry but perhaps less obvious to overseas fans is the inspiration it takes from real life issues in contemporary Japanese pop culture, too. Infamously, Akane's arc very transparent drew inspiration - if it wasn't reconstructed entirely - from the suicide of Hana Kimura, not even six full months after Kimura's death. When the anime aired, Kimura's surviving mother (imo, rightfully and deservedly) lambasted the series for using her daughter's death as the fodder for entertainment without consulting her surviving family. It wasn't even that she disagreed with what the series was saying - she just wanted someone to have some consideration.

This is what Yoriko means when she talks about the responsibility a writer has to their stories. When you write a piece of fiction as highly visible as Oshi no Ko currently is, it is your responsibility to consider the impact your words will have on the world. No, fiction does not directly impact the real world in a physical, tangible way but if we are careless with our stories, we can regurgitate and perpetuate dominant cultural narratives that very much do cause real, tangible harm to marginalized people. Hikaru Kamiki isn't a real person, but there are undoubtedly people in OnK's readerbase who see their experiences mirrored in him. Airi Himekawa isn't real, but people like her exist. Akane Kurokawa isn't real but Hana Kimura was.

This discussion also serves as an interesting warning to Aqua himself, though maybe not quite in the sense Yoriko intended. Aqua's revenge has always been something treated, in-universe, as a sort of fiction in of itself; Aqua calls it his 'revenge play' and his primary method of pursuing it is to become an actor. It's a retribution narrative about real people and Aqua is its author. But as Yoriko reminds him… stories can kill. Especially ones featuring real people. Aqua has been telling himself a comfortable lie for years that only he will be hurt by his own inevitable self destruction but Yoriko reminds him that he isn't the only person involved here and that he is inevitably going to cause great pain to the people he loves if her continues down this path.

That's why this chapter is so frustrating. This is all good, meaty character work with some great thematic overtones… and it's all in service of contriving this scenario where Aqua has no choice but to tongue his sister on camera and for some reason, nobody is pointing out the million and one alternatives to this deranged scenario.

But anyway. Enough beating around the bush: let's talk about That Scene. And despite what everything I've said this post might lead you to believe… I actually really like it.

I don't know exactly what activated to make her go sicko mode but Mengo has been really on fucking fire with her art on the series lately. It really jumped out to me in 137 but she's honestly been cooking since the very start of the movie arc. It stands out especially strongly in Aqua and Ruby's talk on the balcony in ways I really vibed with. The whole scene feels like Ruby's shoujo brainrot and the cold reality of what she's tiptoeing around suggesting to Aqua are battling out for dominance over the framing. Ruby's stubbornness is such a force to be reckoned with that it almost wins entirely but there are moments where the lens cracks and we see things as they are. Aqua's discomfort practically radiates off the page this entire conversation.

Not only that but… jesus christ, Ruby. Just look at how she's framed when she first enters the scene.

That oppressive silhouette, her shaded eyes and that sinister smile… I probably don't need to tell you that's NOT how you typically frame a romantic heroine. She honestly almost looks more like a villain.

But Ruby quickly reasserts control over the framing. Or rather, what she's suggesting is such a sugary shoujo fantasy, the framing has no other option but to comply. At last, Ruby steps out of the shallow channel of plausible deniability and puts into concrete words what she has been thinking and longing for these last twenty chapters: for her to retake her role as Sarina Tendoji and for Aqua, in turn, to play Gorou for her once again. More than that - she pushes him for a concrete response to her love at last, not as Ruby but as Sarina; not only does the paneling repeatedly cover the eye with her star but in the final panel where she unambiguously propositions Aqua, the star is completely gone. This is what Ruby is offering: to completely sever her connection to Ai and the new life she has built on that foundation and to return to being Sarina, if that is what the doctor she loves wants.

This is SUCH an incredibly effective scene. It's excellently done and the art is fantastic. It finally draws out and makes explicit the underlying disconcerting subtext that has been swimming under the twins' relationship since 123. It works fantastically well… in isolation. But when taken into the context of the rest of the story it just feels so… unearned.

For the last 20 chapters, we have had absolutely no serious insight into Ruby's feelings re: the reveal of Gorou's new identity as Aqua. We didn't see her grapple with it or have to adjust to it at all. It was like a switch flipped in her brain and she was suddenly a 2010s fanservice imouto splooging about her oniichan. Her interiority in this regard is completely absent. Whenever the subject is addressed at all, it is made into a joke with Ruby as the punchline. There has been no serious build up to this moment or any meaningful time spent on Ruby's feelings about Aqua and as such, being asked to take it seriously now feels so incredibly jarring.

I've said this over and over in other places but I'll make this clear here: the handling of Ruby's feelings is not bad because Incest Is Morally Bad or whatever. At the end of the day, OnK is fiction and fiction is a space that allows us to explore ideas and scenarios that would be unpleasant, dangerous or even downright immoral to try and interrogate in real life with real people. Not only that, but AQRB's situation is so far removed from anything any real person could experience there's very little risk of it acting as a harmful reflection of a real person's life. But because OnK had the space to do just about anything with this idea, I'm so incredibly baffled that it chose to do all of nothing. This is a plot point that has been cooking since the literal first chapter of the entire series and now, just under four years and over 140 chapters past our starting point… and this is the best Akasaka can do? Dated brocon humor that reduces Ruby to a shallow gag character, denying her the opportunity to have deeper, more complex and ugly feelings and denying her the respect of examining those feelings with honesty?

It sucks. This whole thing really sucks. As someone who loves Ruby so, so much… this really just feels like an insulting way to have handled what should have been one of the most interesting and engaging parts of her series long arc.

I do think this chapter is the beginning of the end of AquRuby's time in the endgame couple race, if it was ever seriously in the running to begin with. Ruby embracing Aqua with a proposition in those final two panels echoes Akane doing the same in chapter 72 and the fact that this cliffhanger ends on the proposition and not a kiss implies to me, structurally speaking, that we are heading for a rejection. On top of that, we're pretty far away from the manga's ending still and Kana's romantic resolution with Aqua hasn't gotten its time to shine. All those factors together makes me feel pretty certain that this is the final nail in the coffin and we're just waiting to see how Aka sticks the landing.

After all - Ruby is asking for his response as Sarina. And if this is Sarina asking for his love one last time… we already know how Gorou's going to respond.

[perfectlyfinespacebacon]

everything now netflix

some spoilers!! and apologies for the long post.

i honestly really enjoyed it! it was almost like a skins/euphoria but imbued with like a heartstopper/sex education vibe in the sense that it dealt with serious teenage issues/mental health but light enough that it doesn't weigh down on you. my character thoughts:

mia was so infuriating almost at all times. obviously under the circumstances, it makes sense but there's this level of likeability that was missing for me. maybe it was the writing or the acting who knows but in my mind it's like this: im making an albeit an unfair comparison to effy from skins or even rue from euphoria, but they were battling their demons and making all the wrong choices but there was still this level of “i want to root for them” that's missing with mia personally.

in a similar vein with alison, she is meant to be this popular rich mean girl archetype who surprises you but obviously in the first half of the season she's supposed to be kind of unlikeable but i found her very endearing. as for the relationship, alison and mia DO NOT belong together. like at all. i am not rooting for them. alison in a way forced a relationship with mia and then also mia was like too scared to say anything about it. its clear that alison liked mia waaaaay more than mia liked alison. like carli says in the last ep as well, “to learn to not be a fantasy to each other”, alison needs to take mia off this pedastal she has for her. i'm very interested to learn more about her character outside of mia though if they hopefully continue the show. i have a feeling that we are supposed to think that she and cameron hooked up at the end or something but i'm rlly hoping its a red herring.

carli is also a character i would love to learn more about. she definitely has more chemistry with mia and i love her for standing her ground against mia, as she needs to help herself before she can be in a healthy relationship. but i will say it was pretty shitty stringing cameron along.

speaking of cameron, i didn't quite expect to like his character as much as i did. in a way his arc in the season is battling toxic masculinity as he kinda seems to come off as this laid back, bro kinda guy but he cares and loves so deeply. it wasn't right calling bec a "sket". i'm not british but obviously its like equivalent to slut, and im very glad he owned up to it. i'm also really interested to know more about his family and stuff.

i love bec as well. she deserves all the happiness in the world. im glad she was able to air out her things with mia, albeit in a very treacherous way and i also love how her mom was supportive of the abortion. i'm honestly kinda tired seeing the mom kicking out the daughter for getting pregnant trope so it was nice to see a mom just being supportive. bec is just such a wonderful friend and mia honestly has a lot to make up for. re not telling mia about her and cam, it was honestly frustrating seeing mia be so petty. i understand that its a big secret and she felt like everyone was hiding things from her but its also right to have secrets amongst friends, idk that really stuck out to me.

will for me had the weakest arc as in it wasn't the most interesting to me. don't get me wrong, i love the character but it just wasnt giving a whole lot to me. i recognize him as more than the comic relief but also at the same time he was stirring the pot in a lot of the arguments / blowups the group had, consciously and unconsciously. though i will say will x theo <3 but comedic duo of the century is will x alison. the little song they did for mia's birthday is stuck in my head.

tldr; great characters and great show. it's really hard to find a show about teens as a 25yo living in a 16yo body that i enjoy and don't find annoying. i just love how each character was able to be so nuanced despite being an ensemble cast.

but knowing netflix's track record it's gonna get cancelled because a) it's good b) has wlw content... but i really hope not.

[wehangout]

kiss prompt: Gallavich and 36 :)

Send me a number and I’ll write a gallavich kiss 👄

36. - - to give up control (you know what episode could have had some really beautiful ian and mickey moments and didn't because fuck the writers? this one)

It plays on your mind while Lip and Debbie bitch about selling the house, while Debbie makes shitty assumptions about gay guys, while you stand with a cup of coffee in each hand because Mickey's upstairs crying over his shitty, dead dad.

And it's really fucking hard. It's hard to sympathise and it's hard to actually give a fuck, because it's Terry. It's fucking Terry, and you don't know why Mickey's crying or why he gives a shit, and you genuinely believe him when he says he doesn't know either.

So you pour him a cup of coffee and head back upstairs.

He's dressed, shoving things into his pockets before sitting down and grabbing his boots.

"Got you a coffee."

He doesn't look up. "Thanks."

You place it on the nightstand and watch him do up his boots, hands and fingers moving quickly. "Goin' somewhere?"

"Next door."

You know the face you make is mixture of confused, disgusted, and outright exasperated. "Why?"

"Someone's gotta sort out that shit," he says, not looking at you. "No one else is gonna do it."

"Doesn't mean you have to."

"Kinda does." He sits up straight and rubs his hands over his thighs. "No one else gives a shit. Not sure I do, either, but ..."

"But?"

"Dunno." He glances at you out of the corner of his eye and then says it again. "Don't fuckin' know."

He stands and moves to go, and you stupidly let him get all the way to the door before stopping him.

"Wait a minute. I'll come."

"Ain't got time for your bullshit right now, Gallagher."

And it's his tone and his words and the way he won't meet your gaze that makes you realise ... well, everything.

"I'm sorry," you say. He shrugs, and you push on. "No, I am. If there's one thing the mandated therapy in prison taught me it's that my feelings are valid, and so are yours."

He snorts. "Yeah, okay, Dr. Phil."

You place your own coffee cup down and walk towards him. "I don't get it, okay? Terry was a piece of shit who fucked us up too many times to count, who hurt you in ... in a lot of ways."

His jaw clenches at your words that say everything all while saying nothing, but you soldier on. You reach out and tangle your fingers with his.

"I don't understand why you're upset about him being dead, but I do know what it's like to be the only one who gives a shit." You tug this hand until he looks up, meets your gaze. "Someone died and you have a lot of fucked-up feelings that no one else feels and ... I get that. Okay? I understand that."

He tongues at his cheek, and then, "Monica?"

You shrug and nod, but don't say anything else about it. This isn't about Monica and it's not about you. It's about Mickey, and you don't need to understand what he's feeling or why he's feeling it. You just need to be there for him.

He sniffs. "I gotta head next door."

"Let me come."

"You don't have to, man -"

"I want to." You squeeze his hand. "I want to help you. Let me help you."

"Ian -"

"You don't have to do this alone, Mick."

He looks at you and nods, just once, real quick. "Okay."

"Okay."

He searches your eyes for a moment, then leans up and gives you a quick kiss. "Thanks."

You smile. Kiss his forehead. Let him lead the way.

[monstercampus]

Ellie help I have werewolf brain rot and Kirk has been living in my mind rent free the past few nights 😩 please tell me more about him, does he have a secret soft side or is being mean his love language and you know he cares about you if he's giving you a hard time? Why does he live in a dorm by himself? Where is he on the possessive scale? Honestly just tell me everything you know about him so I can simp to the best of my ability 🥺😫🙏

And actually while I'm here, anything about Elliott or Julian would also be tasty 👀👀👀 forgive me for the werewolf team fic altered my brain chemistry and I may never be the same

absolutely !! !!!!! i am at your mercy uwu <33 (this is mostly stream of consciousness so if u want more i am READY)

(cws: kirk being a sap + lore)

Kirk is very much that way--giving you a hard time is generally how he shows he cares about you. He's only truly mean to those he doesn't care about, and trust that there is a difference even when you get frustrated over his attitude in the beginning. He didn't grow up with a lot of love in his household so it's really not his area of expertise, he never really learned how to show it and only started experiencing affection when he joined the pack and made friends with all the other werewolves. Being snuggled, having his hair stroked instead of pulled, listening to his friends talk about him being handsome and smart even if he's got a shitty attitude.....it's weird to him. He doesn't hate it deep down, but he hates how it makes him feel vulnerable when he doesn't want to be.

'Vulnerable' is barely even in his vocabulary, which is why he comes at you with so much heat at first. He'd been hoping and praying that you two could boink, have a good time, and then you would pretend like it never happened so he wouldn't have to face any of those feelings he has when he looks at you. But when you don't, and when you're just so sweet, Kirk can't handle it and has to revert to what he knows: being a dick. Not nearly to the extent of how he is with other people, but just enough to keep you at arm's length in his constant fear that you're gonna end up making him feel like he isn't totally worthless. Because what would he do then? He's accepted the role of being an irredeemable, raging douchebag for pretty much all his life. He's got an attitude, his temper is awful, he doesn't consider himself that good-looking, he's got some of the worst grades out of the whole pack, he fixates on things and lets them consume all his thoughts, and he hasn't even got any palate to boot and will eat just about anything, even if it's on the verge of spoiling. He's total garbage and he's friends with a pack of people that couldn't be more perfect; Julian is incredibly charming, Portia's practically a genius, Nick is insanely handsome, Elliott is so gentle and really funny, Priam is a total sweetheart and Athos is the pinnacle of cool in his eyes. How could he even think of measuring up to all that, much less stick out among the rest and prove he's worth even a little bit of your love?

That may be the most frustrating part about Kirk--he can be the prickliest guy you know and he would die before he ever says those things out loud, but he seriously admires his friends and you yet he has little to no belief in himself. Granted, growing up he would've gotten his ass beat for showing that kind of weakness, so it's still deeply ingrained in him as an adult--especially since the pack are pretty much the first friends he's ever made on his own. And at his core, he's jealous. Jealous of them and their nice families, jealous of how well they all turned out despite going through their own struggles, jealous of how easy it is for them to be open when he's terrified of people finding out he's bi, jealous of you for being so brave and so beautiful in equal measure....so that's why the best thing he can do--in his own opinion of course--is to be your collective guard dog.

After all, Kirk isn't afraid to bite. His instincts are hard to control in his human form, could you even imagine how feral he can get when he's full wolf, or even just close to the full moon? If anything it's what he's good at; hunting, beating ass, and taking a punch. If he can't be as good as you and the others deserve, the least he can do is make sure that sweetness and the goodness of your souls isn't ever dominated by someone else. He'll spill blood, he doesn't care. He would even get suspended if it came to that, expelled, arrested, whatever it takes and he'll let the chips fall where they may. You'll know his love for you is real when he starts acting protective over you, not only when other people try to bother you but as far as your daily needs as well. Have you eaten properly? Are you thirsty? Do you need to sleep? When's the last time you stretched? He acts like it's a favour he's doing for you, like you're a little wolf that needs caring after, but in truth it settles his own self-doubts and makes him happier knowing that he's doing something for you--that he's taking care of you like a mate would, and when you smile at him or thank him for his help he just melts. He would do anything to keep hold of that smile.

.....Which is why he's got a plan in his head for after graduation. He and Nick are the oldest and thus are going to graduate first of all of you, so once that's over and done with he's got plans to start building a place for you all to properly call 'home'. It's nothing crazy--just a cabin in the woods--but if there's one thing he can confidently say he's good at it's woodworking, and he's sketched out the designs to make it everything you could ever want.

Personal rooms for you, him, and Portia who has trouble falling asleep when it's noisy. A big living room with enough sofas to fit you all. Polished oak walls like Julian grew up with and always wanted to see again. A bathtub big enough to fit Nicky's giant, muscly legs without spilling over. Tables and chairs to fit everyone and more, to fit all the family gatherings and maybe even the pups you might have one day. A garden out back where he'll plant those ugly little flowers Elliott loves. Trees and greenery around where they can run and hunt and play during the full moon, totally obscured by the rest of the world. A big fucking chandelier in the dining room to intimidate any friends you bring over that think they're hot enough shit to snatch you. It's gonna be perfect, it's gonna be the one thing he can say he's proud of in practically his whole life. It'll be a gift to all of you for putting up with his assholery for so damn long, for sticking with him even when he couldn't find a single reason why you should.

That's the kind of love Kirk shows. Words don't mean much to him--actions and acts of service are how he expresses his affections, because it's much simpler for him to put work into something he can touch and measure and paint rather than throw some flimsy words around and call it love. Plus, one of the reasons why he lives in his own dorm is because his downtime is incredibly important to him. Usually he would request a private one-bedroom apartment, but this year he was assigned roommates that he very quickly drove away with his annoying habits almost entirely on purpose. If he's not comfortable with someone, then like hell is he going to share an intimate living space with them--and after a long day he just needs time to be completely alone. He has to think, work on his projects, exercise, chew on something, and have no prying eyes around that will impede his progress in trying to figure out how the hell he can try to make himself worthy of being loved by you. A dumb, violent wolf reaching to grab the very moon from the sky.

[eddo-tensei]

More thoughts on Derision (Spoilers, obviously)

I think it's amusing that the default counter-argument to anyone who criticizes this episode boils down to "Well, you're just a Chloe Stan!" Which is something I had to deal with myself recently. Apparently, you can only hate this episode if you're a Chloe apologist. First off, hi, I'm Eddo. I wrote a fanfic where Chloe literally gets thrown into the dirt and suffer an allergic reaction to cacti, both times being her own fault. I feel like my Chloe Stan license should be revoked after that.

Anyways, I'm not surprised with the direction they went with Chloe in Derision. It's been stated since around Season 4 that Chloe was on a "Damnation Arc", so they've been doing everything they can to make her worse and worse. So, I'm not surprised or even angry that they continued this here. I'm annoyed, but not angry. What I AM angry about would be the other characters who got mangled in this shitshow.

Writers? Could you please stop having Chat threaten people with Cataclysm after he's shown regret doing it to people by accident TWICE?! This has happened three times now, counting what happened with Scarabella. Yes, I know he did this before with Darker Owl, but that just makes it worse because that happened right AFTER he regretted doing this to Monarch. You know, the guy who's been tormenting and attacking everyone for over a year? I guess to Chat, Damocles and Kim deserve it more for ripping away a fantasy and pulling a shitty prank respectively.

I know I complained about this a lot already, but this needs to be stressed upon. If we're going to take Cataclysm seriously, especially with what later episodes showed us, maybe DON'T have your hero threaten people with it for relatively petty reasons? "BUT IT'S FOR TRUE LOVE!!!1!!" Yeah, no. When he tried to do it on Darker Owl, Ladybug told him to cut that crap. It then happened again with Dark Humor with Ladybug telling him not to do it. It doesn't matter if it's for "true love." Both times he did this so far, Ladybug made it clear that this was a bad idea. So, maybe you guys should stop trying to encourage it. I refuse to believe that Chat believes that Monarch is more deserving to live after everything that he did than Kim after what he did. Speaking of Kim...

My friendly neighborhood dumb jock, why would the writers do this to you? When we only had the leaks to go by, I actually tried to scour for any interactions Kim had with Marinette and I can confirm that with the revelations we got in Derision, they REALLY don't make sense. Yes, Kim was a bit of a douche in the first season. Origins had him push Ivan around to the point of being the trigger for the Akuma. But he wasn't THIS much of a douchenozzle. Moreover, I have a hard time believing Marinette would be as friendly as she is with Kim throughout the series given what he did to her as revealed in this episode. Also, I know this is going to sound offensive, but...Kim was Marinette's first crush? Really? That's what you're going with? I'm not trying to insult Kim, but there was NOTHING that hinted to this. I can't help but think this was the thought process of the writers when they brought this up:

"So, we need to have Chloe do something to Marinette that would explain why Marinette struggles to be with Adrien. It has to be something big and traumatic. More importantly, it has to involve Marinette actually having a past crush that Chloe ruined and it has to be a character we're familiar with, so we can't make up an OC for it. We can't use Nino because he had a crush on her and it wouldn't make sense for her to reciprocate. We can't use Nathaniel because his crush went almost completely unnoticed by Marinette and he's also gay now. We can't use Ivan because he likes Mylene and we can't complicate that. We can't use Max because most people think he's ace and subverting that would piss a ton of people off. Oh, and we can't have it be any of the girls either because our show would get cancelled if Marinette isn't straight. So, let's just make it this guy."

"This. Fucking. Guy."

I'm having a hard time thinking of any other reason. I know some people theorized in the past that Kim and Marinette might've had a thing, but I don't think they held any water. Even now, however, I really don't think people should be happy it was canonized in this way.

I always held the belief that Chloe was responsible for Marinette's behavior, but my idea of it was that Chloe had been bullying Marinette for a long time and those years of sustained bullying took its toll on the poor baker girl that made it difficult for her to not only open her heart to people she loves, but have difficulties making friends in general until Alya came along. Yeah, Chloe doesn't look good in this case either, but it would've been more reasonable and would probably resonate with a lot more people who probably had to deal with bullies messing with them for a long time because these effects usually aren't instant. They get built on for a long time and it can really mess up their perception on things.

I think a good story would've been Marinette having to heal from that sustained trauma and while it is difficult since nobody can just quickly heal from trauma, it'd be a good journey for Marinette to be able to open up again with Alya and Adrien being just the first two pieces Marinette needs for her recovery.

But now, instead of all that, it turns out Chloe just pulled a prank that just unleashed a cavalcade of trauma on Marinette all at once that is hyper-specific to how she handles her crush that Adrien and ONLY Adrien can heal. All the while, it turns out that the prank was actually pulled by a guy who I really thought was just kinda fun and cool, but now I can't talk about him in the same way again because he's been thrown under the bus for the sake of this nonsense plot that's difficult not to call a full-on retcon. Do you know what I can call a retcon, though? Or rather who?

I am sorry to all of the people who are probably stanning Socqueline right now, but I CAN'T vibe with her. I'm not saying you're not allowed to like her either, because that would be dumb, but I DON'T like how she was presented in Derision. First off, to get this out of the way, we're no strangers to characters being introduced out of nowhere. Felix and Zoe are both characters that come to mind. The thing is you can at least explain their respective absences easily. Felix had likely been distant from Adrien for a long time with him only coming in out of obligation with Amelie. Zoe is actually even more easy to explain given that she was shoved into a boarding school by Audrey and wouldn't really be able to connect with any of the characters until she was forced to transfer. Socqueline, however, does not have that luxury and cannot be easily explained away not only with how we found her, but for the fact that there was NO hint to her existing until Season 5 and that is inexcusable given how much importance this character now has. To put it in perspective, this is how we are introduced to Socqueline in Jubilation:

Marinette: That fake Ladybug from this morning, I think it was Socqueline, a school friend from last year. Knowing her, I’m sure she means well. But I have to convince her to stop putting herself in danger like that.

That's it. She just calls her a school friend. Yes, it's clear that she's at least important enough for Marinette to remember her name, she was just called a school friend. At the very least, she did have an interesting story with her trying to be Ladybug in order to help people. Of course, she had to be talked out of it because it's causing issues with the real Ladybug, but it's a decent story and Socqueline had only made a few appearances here and there.

And then Derision.

Yes, Socqueline referred to Chloe as "that monster", so it's clear that they planned her to have something against Chloe since her first appearance. However, Derision showed us that Socqueline wasn't just a school friend. She was Marinette's closest confidant in the school years prior to the start of the series. She actively protects Marinette from bullies, particularly Chloe, and was clearly a huge inspiration for her until Chloe got her suspended from school.

First off, in case I haven't made it clear, we haven't seen Socqueline AT ALL until Season 5. Not even a hint to her existence. So given how significant she was made out to be in Derision, WHY HASN'T SHE MADE ANY APPEARANCES IN THE SERIES BEFOREHAND?! She doesn't even have the excuse of being outside of Paris like Felix and Zoe do because she's STILL there and in an arts and crafts store no less, which probably would've been a great place for Marinette to hang out in with her friends if the writers thought this through. But they didn't and Socqueline's debut comes off as severely jarring because we have this character who was really important to Marinette's life just not show up until she started cosplaying as Ladybug.

Secondly, it muddles Marinette's own backstory as well as severely hampering the significance of Alya. Now instead of being alone with nobody to help her against Chloe, which makes her friendship with Alya all the more stronger, Marinette just had this super cool friend who was always there for her until mean ol' Chloe got her kicked out of school. Doesn't that sound like something you'd see in a fanfic, specifically one that's salting Alya given how Socqueline was depicted as Marinette's BFF?

Thirdly, if Chloe was able to get Socqueline suspended so easily, then why hadn't she been able to do that with the other students? Yeah, she got close with Alya, but that didn't stick. If Chloe really had the ability to just make students disappear even if it happened once, she would NOT hesitate to try and do this again with any other student who slighted her, ESPECIALLY Marinette. But she doesn't. Once her attempt on Alya failed, she didn't try again. Hell, LILA had more attempts to get Marinette kicked out of school than Chloe did and actually got closer to doing it than Chloe would ever get, which is weird since she doesn't have the title of "Mayor's Daughter" to throw around like Chloe would. This just feels like something done to explain away why Socqueline didn't show up in the series which doesn't work because she's STILL IN PARIS and I'm pretty sure Marinette would be more than happy to meet with Socqueline given how close they were, but that never happened.

Fourthly, I'm guessing nobody felt like pointing it out because it felt too obvious, but doesn't Socqueline just come off as the writer's answer to Bridgette? You know, the older Marinette based on the anime PV that some fan writers implement into their own stories? Yeah, she's not one-to-one similar to Marinette like Bridgette is, but it definitely feels like another instance of the writers pulling stuff out of fanon just to put a canon spin on it. And like all the other instances, it's a bad spin.

Lastly, this whole incident with the prank and Socqueline's suspension took place a few months before Origins. Not even a year at the earliest. It was specifically stated that Socqueline was suspended three weeks before the end of the school year. Given how close that time gap, the way everyone behaves in Origins makes almost no sense. Marinette would be a lot more horrified of Chloe if Derision was anything to go by and Chloe would be more willing to try and cast Alya out so Marinette doesn't have any allies given that Derision showed Chloe REALLY wanting to make sure nobody helps Marinette. The only point I could even give any leeway to is Kim and even then, again, he's not that much of a douche in Origins as he was in Derision. So, really, it all just comes off as a blatant retcon specifically to try and explain the new direction the writers are taking with certain characters. And do you want to know the dumbest thing? Apparently, Socqueline was such an inspiration to Marinette that the latter changed her hair to be more like Socqueline's.

No, seriously. That's also how they explain why Marinette has different hairstyles. I know Expository Hairstyle Changes are a thing in fiction, but this is just awkward as hell given how traumatic and melodramatic the whole thing is. You don't need to say that Marinette's hairstyle came from someone who she considered a hero because nothing about Marinette indicated that her hairstyle is important. This isn't like Josuke changing his hairstyle to be based on the man who saved him as a child. It's a purely cosmetic change that's suddenly given a shit-ton of significance because now it's connected to this horribly traumatic incident. In fact, you know what this reminds me of?

Actually, the whole segment where this Linkara clip came from seems to sum up a lot of things wrong with Derision. It's not just bad because it makes some characters look bad or introduces stuff out of nowhere. It's bad because now everything in the flashback is now part of all of the characters! Every prior episode will now have to be viewed with a lens tinted by the events of this episode. Now nobody can discuss Kim without people salting on him for the prank, now nobody can talk about how important Alya's friendship with Marinette because of Socqueline's sudden boost in significance (In fact, it's very likely that Alya salters will try to use Socqueline as a replacement friend), and now nobody can speculate the intrigue of Marinette's past because EVERYTHING about her behavior is linked to this specific incident and nothing else. That's what pisses me off about this episode. That's why I share that Double D meme so frequently. I could care less about how much of a monster Chloe was depicted to be in this episode, but I am going to complain when other characters are butchered in the process. I will complain about one thing concerning her, though.

Isn't it amazing that you can tell the writers are trying DESPERATELY to squish any and all positive interpretations of Chloe, even trying to downplay parental neglect because "this character also didn't have a mom and they didn't turn out this way" even though Mylene's and Chloe's situations are still VASTLY different? You can make the argument that Audrey's absence doesn't excuse Chloe's actions. In fact, I don't think it really does either, but saying that there's only one valid response to an absent parent is EXTREMELY insensitive to people who might be going through similar situations.

Oh, and to cap this all off? This is the favorite episode of one of the main writers. Said writer possibly being considered to be the new director for Season 6 of Miraculous and onwards. I'm not gonna name which one for obvious reasons, but it's been confirmed.

I feel like this is a good indication that you need to hop off this series.