#it doesn’t help I try to get out of the holes I’ve dug myself

[spookykestrel]

My apologies to anyone I talked to without first having 2-3 minutes of time to prep and rehearse what to say

[zephfair]

I think this one would be good! 76 for the kink prompts 🥺🥺 please and thank you! 🥰🥰

Thank you so much for the prompt! I'm sorry this one got away from me and is more silly than sexy! 😭 But I hope it makes you smile! Thank you for everything! 😘💖💖💖

76. Laughter During Sex

This is Adam/Ronan, Rated E

Although Ronan trusted Adam implicitly, he was still skeptical. “You want to put what where?”

Adam burst out laughing.

While Ronan usually loved making his Adam laugh, he didn’t particularly appreciate it at such important, memorable times.

“Come on, Parrish, help me out here if you don’t think I’m doing it right.”

Adam wiped the tears of laughter from his eye. “I’m just saying, it’s not rocket science. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this out.”

“How did you even learn all this shit?” Ronan had to admit, Adam’s competence really did it for him. There was something about Adam being confident bordering on arrogant when he just took over and did whatever that made Ronan feel very hot.

“Oh you know. I’ve read about it, watched shit on the Internet. Worked it out for myself. Had a little experience.”

Adam put his hand on top of Ronan’s and guided him, and Ronan was forced to admit, that did work better.

“See, I knew you could do it. Eventually.”

“Shithead,” Ronan said just loud enough that he knew Adam would pick it up.

From Adam’s shit-eating grin, he heard loud and clear.

It was a hazy day in June and they were trying to dig a pond in one of the fields at the Barns.

As soon as Adam’s tinkering had resurrected one of the old Lynch backhoes, Ronan had immediately wanted to run it. But Adam, much to his credit, insisted on driving it to the part of the pasture they’d chosen. Then Ronan had insisted at getting behind the controls once Adam broke the ground.

Unfortunately, Ronan didn’t think he’d have much of a future career in running heavy equipment. But after he slid off the seat and let Adam take over with strong, sure hands, he didn’t mind ‘hoeing as long as it could be with Adam.

That made him laugh out loud which made Adam look down at him questioningly. Ronan just laughed again and shrugged.

After Adam had dug out as much as he wanted for the day, Ronan climbed up the tire and squeezed onto the seat despite Adam’s protestations.

“You’re really hot when you’re digging out big holes,” Ronan said against his lips then kissed him.

Adam couldn’t kiss back for a moment because he started laughing. “That’s really some pickup line.”

“It wasn’t a line, it’s the truth,” Ronan protested.

“You think I’m hot when I’m digging big holes.” Adam couldn’t even say it without a chuckle.

“I think you’re hot all the time,” Ronan said, kissing at his jaw, biting at the hinge under his ear.

“But watching me run a backhoe really gets you going,” Adam hmmed in pleasure when Ronan flicked his tongue against his earlobe and ran it up and around the whorl of his ear.

“Yeah, I think it does.”

“You’re incorrigible,” Adam said, finally turning to kiss him properly.

Ronan got his arm around Adam and didn’t care that both of them were sticky with sweat and wet from the heat.

Adam apparently didn’t care either because when Ronan came up for air, Adam sucked down the tender skin of his throat.

“Ah, fuck,” Ronan breathed out, trying to lean back and pull Adam with him but there was no room on the seat.

“You wanna?” Adam pulled away long enough to meet his eyes with a little grin.

“Always, yeah.”

“Then let’s go in the house.”

“But we’re here now.”

Adam flicked his nose and stood up. “But the house will be much more comfortable.”

“Barn?” Ronan tried to bargain but Adam shook his head and laughed again.

“You can wait another couple minutes.”

“What if I can’t though?”

Adam glanced down at his lap where Ronan was already getting visibly excited from just the kissing and proximity to Adam. “Do you need help walking with that?”

Ronan barked out a laugh and Adam jumped down from the cab of the backhoe.

“Come on, the faster we get back—”

“The faster we can fuck.”

Adam grinned and shook his head in amusement. “This is you warning me that it’s going to be fast?”

Ronan scowled and jumped down just as Adam conveniently stepped out of the way. “You know what the hell I mean. Now come on,” and he took off jogging across the field.

Adam caught him easily and bumped his hip. “Did you really think I was making fun of your sexual stamina?”

Ronan missed a step and swore. “Please don’t ever say that again. It sounds so weird, talking about ‘sexual matters,’” Ronan said in a mocking affected accent.

“Why can’t I talk about your sexual prowess? You don’t have faith in your sexual performance?” Adam teased.

“It sounds so bad,” Ronan insisted and they both burst out laughing, Ronan jostling into Adam. Adam wrapped his arm around Ronan’s waist so they made it to the front porch at the same time.

“Shower first?” Ronan asked as he opened the screendoor for them.

“We’re just going to get dirty again.”

“Ah Parrish, now you’re talking,” and Ronan swept him into his arms and kissed him.

Adam let out a breathy noise that Ronan interpreted as a little laugh, but he didn’t stop kissing him. When Ronan’s hands roamed down and grabbed Adam’s ass, Adam made the noise again.

Ronan pulled back from his mouth. He was afraid to ask because it might spoil everything, but he just had to know.

“Why are you in such a good mood today?”

Adam shrugged but a smile tugged at his lips. “I don’t know. It’s just a good day. Can’t I enjoy it?”

“Just wanted to make sure you’re not secretly taking drugs or something without sharing. You’re all giggly.”

“I am not nor have I ever been giggly,” Adam insisted.

Ronan nosed at his ear. “You’re giggling like a school girl.”

“You take that back.”

“Make me.”

“OK I will,” and with more strength and agility than Ronan knew he possessed, Adam tackled him to the big couch. He trapped Ronan’s wrists up at his head and straddled his waist proudly.

“Wow, you sure showed me,” Ronan drawled.

“That’s right.” Adam’s smirk was fast and tight.

“Yep, you got me right where I wanted you.”

“No, I got you right where...damn it Lynch.” At Adam’s frustration, it was Ronan’s turn to burst out laughing. He strained himself up to peck a kiss to Adam’s nose and make it scrunch.

“Now that I’m at your mercy, whatever are you going to do to me?” Ronan’s attempt at batting his eyelashes must have been hilarious because Adam joined him laughing.

It was one of the warmest, happiest moments of Ronan’s life and he thought that he’d remember it forever—the two of them entwined, happy, laughing, not burdened by the past or worried about the future, just being together right then in the moment.

Ronan broke the easy hold Adam had on his wrists so he could bring his arms up around Adam and pull him down. Adam followed easily, mouth still open, eyes bright, and he smiled at Ronan as they kissed.

God, what I wouldn’t give to freeze this moment in time, Ronan prayed, but it got even better as Adam shifted around to get more comfortable and ended up sprawled mostly on top of Ronan.

Ronan concentrated on the warmth of Adam’s tongue in his mouth, the thrill of a touch still so intimate. He ran his hands down and back up Adam’s wiry back, feeling where the T-shirt was stuck to his sweaty skin.

When Adam dipped down to attack his neck again with kisses and tiny bites, Ronan couldn’t help but moan.

“Yeah, you like that,” Adam’s voice was muffled against his throat.

“Yeah,” Ronan agreed amiably. He managed to get his fingers under Adam’s shirt and began to pull it up. Adam was down to licking at the dip between his collarbones when he got the message that Ronan was trying to undress him.

He was only too eager to sit up, and start to take off his shirt, but Ronan tried to sit up at the same time and somehow between his shimmy to take off his own shirt and Adam’s motion, Adam started to tip.

“Oh shit,” was all Ronan could say before Adam’s eyes got big and he fell off the couch.

“Oh my God,” Ronan started laughing as soon as he heard Adam clearly say “Shit.”

Ronan rolled on his side and looked down from his lofty perch on the couch. Adam lay flat on his back rubbing at his shoulder. “You get lost?” Ronan asked in his most innocent voice.

He couldn’t help but laugh again at Adam’s expression. “I can’t believe you pushed me off the couch.”

“I didn’t push you,” Ronan said, trying to catch his breath. “Your clumsy ass fell right off.”

Then Adam was trying to scramble up but Ronan had already decided what he’d do and so Adam ended up flat on his back again on the floor with Ronan on top of him.

“I missed you,” Ronan explained and Adam cracked another smile.

“Asshole.”

“Now Parrish, I know you didn’t just objectify me down to one body part, although I know you do like it.”

“You are such an ass,” Adam manhandled his smirking face down and kissed him.

They made out lazily for a while, their former intensity slowed down by the couch interlude. But this time when Adam rolled Ronan onto his back and incidentally right under the coffee table, they both had to take a breath to laugh.

“How are we so bad at this?” Ronan gasped between laughs.

“It’s you.”

“How is it my fault?!”

“You’re distracting. If you’d just let me be in charge...”

Ronan felt his stomach tighten in anticipation. “You think you can handle being in charge?”

“Yeah, I do.” Adam smiled down at him and Ronan smiled back.

“Impress me then,” he said.

“First we go upstairs to your bed,” Adam whispered hotly in his ear.

Ronan shivered even as the heat pooled in his groin. “And then?”

“And then I’m going to undress you. And get you ready. And then I’m going to fuck you.”

“Fuuuck,” Ronan agreed, shivering again when Adam sucked his earlobe quickly.

“Let’s go.”

Adam stood up and offered him a hand. Ronan just stared up at him, too turned on to even move. Adam grinned at him when he realized.

“Fuck,” Ronan said again and finally let Adam help him up.

“That’s the plan,” Adam poked him in the back to get him moving. Between Ronan’s shaky legs and Adam’s steady prodding, they made it to his room, shut the door and collapsed among the sheets and pillows still in disarray from their morning.

Adam stripped off his T-shirt and started working at his cargo shorts. He glanced over where Ronan lay watching him. “Why aren’t you getting naked?”

“You said you were going to undress me.”

Adam sighed in fake frustration. Ronan just put his arms behind his head and watched the quick but efficient strip show.

Once Adam had peeled off his socks at the edge of the bed, he crawled over Ronan. “How do I get to do this?”

“You’re the one in charge,” Ronan reminded him sweetly.

Adam rolled up Ronan’s T-shirt but it got caught on his arms. “OK Lynch, get your shirt off.”

Ronan tutted. “But that wouldn’t be keeping your promise to undress me.”

“You’re such a shithead.”

“I know,” Ronan smiled with all his teeth. Adam huffed a laugh then put his forehead down on Ronan’s chest and laughed out loud. Ronan held the back of his head and joined him.

Adam took a deep breath and attacked Ronan’s belt and fly instead. Ronan barely lifted his hips, waited until Adam was frustrated and then lifted a little, just enough to make them both laugh again.

“I can’t believe you’re being so shitty about this,” Adam informed him, dramatically tossing Ronan’s jeans behind himself.

“OK, fine, I’ll help you this once.” Ronan was more than ready to give in so he finished whipping off his clothes while Adam rummaged in the nightstand drawer.

“You really okay with this,” Adam said, holding up the lube.

“Definitely.” Ronan leaned over and kissed him. Adam turned so he had a better angle and held Ronan’s shoulder and neck. Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam’s back and pulled him closer.

After a thoroughly satisfying kiss, Ronan lay back as Adam gently pushed him down.

“I said I’d get you ready too.”

“Yeah you did.”

Adam nodded as Ronan grabbed a pillow and propped his pelvis up. “Come on, Parrish. Don’t mess this up now.”

Adam shook his head and chuckled. He kissed Ronan’s belly, right beside his happy trail and nuzzled his way downward. Then his lips drifted to the other side with featherlight kisses and a soft finger trailing down toward Ronan’s hardening cock.

Ronan shut his eyes, tried to hold it in, tried even harder then exploded with a “HA!” just as Adam’s lips whispered over the join of his hip and groin.

“What the hell Lynch?”

Ronan let out a noise he didn’t even know he could make.

And Adam laughed at him.

“You fucker, that tickles,” Ronan grumbled. “Touch me harder.”

Adam laughed again, but he obliged, cupping Ronan’s hip in his hand while he sucked a mouthful of soft skin on the opposite groin.

Ronan whimpered.

“Better?”

“Much.” Ronan looked down his body to see the bright blue eyes looking back at him. “You may proceed.”

Adam shook his head and they both laughed. “You’re such a dick.”

Ronan gestured. “I’m not but I have one and it’s right there.”

“You think you’re funny.”

“You’re the one laughing.”

“I guess I have a bad sense of humor too.”

“Good thing we don’t have to inflict it on anyone other than each other.”

“Probably safer that way,” Adam agreed.

“All right, Parrish. No more tickling. Just more fucking.”

“Got it.” Adam’s grin was still big as he leaned down to suck the tip of Ronan’s cock into his mouth.

All humor went right out of Ronan’s head as Adam got down to business. Ronan thought muzzily that Adam always had to be an overachiever because he was too damn good at sucking cock while his nimble fingers slicked into Ronan in ways that were all too incredible.

Ronan let the pleasure wash him along and it was too soon before he had to concentrate on holding back his orgasm. He reached down to Adam, carded his fingers through his hair, and said, “Let’s get this show on the road, boss.”

Adam pulled off his cock and looked up at him. “What did you just say?”

Ronan was so captivated by the redness of Adam’s lips, the spit shining on his chin that he actually forgot what he said. Then he remembered what he wanted next. “I’m ready.”

But Adam was already cackling softly. “Did you just call me boss?”

“Noo, I just meant, come on and fuck me before I lose it.”

Adam didn’t remove his fingers, but as he rubbed right over Ronan’s prostate, Ronan had to grind his teeth to hold back. Adam noticed it and smiled.

“Got it. Let’s go.”

Ronan let Adam maneuver him, not for teasing this time, but because he felt wound so tight, so heavy with anticipation of even more pleasure until Adam slid between his thighs and pushed into him.

“Is this show on the road enough for you, employee?” Adam asked softly.

“What the... What the actual fuck?” Ronan stared up at him in absolute confusion.

Adam smirked and Ronan realized what he’d said and then he couldn’t help it. He held onto Adam and started laughing, Adam’s back shaking from restraining his own laughter.

Even as Ronan couldn’t believe they were laughing at something so stupid during sex, the motion did something, somehow pushed Adam into him differently and Ronan felt him deep, his own body twitching to accept him.

“God, you feel good,” Ronan finally groaned.

“Can I move now?” Adam asked, leaning forward even more.

“Yesss. Just don’t fall off the bed.”

“Fucker,” Adam whispered and pulled back out to thrust.

It may have driven Ronan out of his mind because all he could do was wrap his arms and legs around every piece of Adam he could and take it. He knew he babbled something and Adam’s mouth brushed over his in a breathless attempt at kissing, but Ronan just clung tighter.

He could feel Adam’s thrusts come slower and Ronan tilted up to meet him until Adam shook apart and came. Ronan couldn’t get his breath back and was thankful a moment later when Adam slid his hand between them and started pumping his cock.

It didn’t take long. Ronan came with a shout, his entire body tensing and then falling suddenly into total relaxation, every muscle suddenly intensely loose. He didn’t even flinch when Adam pulled out of him and slid off the bed.

He felt like his brain was finally coming back online when Adam gingerly wiped his cum off his stomach with a wet washcloth and then gently probed between his legs.

“Thanks,” he mumbled as he lifted one heavy arm to ruffle Adam’s hair.

“You’re welcome.”

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Ronan was just aware enough to ask.

“I’m just realizing that I fucked you so hard that politeness came out.”

It was a long beat until Ronan caught on. He spluttered “The fuck, Parrish?”

Adam joined his laughter and lay down beside and partly on him. Ronan brought his arm up and around him to hold him always closer.

“You’re the shithead.”

Adam hmmed happily. “As long as we’re shitty together.”

“Always, Parrish.”

Here is the Prompts List that got my blog a Mature label.

[lightlycareless]

tbh I can’t imagine y/n forgiving naoya after all what happened. he abused and insulted her, chapter 4 and 8 where sa‘d her (can’t get over it tbh because its really really sad and fucked up) and ofc their other intercourses too, she even told him that she’s in pain and he didn’t care. called her a whore and basically an attention seeker so many times. he humiliated and degraded her and OFFFCCC chapter 12??? I think idk, where he tried to rape her after her doctor visit even though he KNEW that it will hurt her really bad because of her condition at that time. and he almost raped her again but thank god she fought so hard to get out of there but the damage was done already (the an-l part was so puuh I just know it hurt her really bad, poor her) and then he wonders why she doesn’t like him like damn fr naoya you’re such a nice husband and such a good man, no fuck you bitch I hope you die bro. the AUDACITY i swear to god like how delusional and ignorant can you be? basically he‘s an abusive piece of shit and I really hope he dies idc.

SORRY i’m just mad af but I love you work, you’re an aaaamaaazing writer 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Hello anon!!

Man, that’s completely valid—I think I might’ve dug myself into a bit-too-deep hole there haha but honestly… I couldn’t imagine Naoya acting any other way considering his upbringings.  He literally has 0 tact when talking to other people, and that’s not only his misogyny, like in general, the only person I think I’ve ever read him to be somewhat courteous to is Toji, and even then, we don’t know the complete story 😅

Naoya is a man with a really, really fragile ego, and to see that the woman he allegedly loves is indifferent, “disrespectful” to him, just hates him, oof, that must’ve been a HIT haha BUT HE’S STILL DELUSIONAL!!

However, let’s not forget that this is a very young Naoya, so there’s still some saving him!! He’s only 19, somewhat far away from what he turned out to be at 27… ah, nothing but a child (eeeh he’s an adult UNEXUSCABLE BEHAVIOR—and he was a lil brat when young too!)

That’s the magic of it, you see, trying to redeem him hahahahahahha I don’t know if I’m going to be able to pull that off after all the things he’s done, or if Y/N even wants to forgive him (or can), but it’s certainly nice to see where the characters take me 😏

But yeah, there’s no denying—all of the things he’s done to her are disgusting (the doctor part and what happened immediately after, and that one scene where he returned were absolutely painful for me to write 😥). And yet, Y/N was still able to find goodness in her heart to do what’s right, and understand that everyone was a victim there in one way or the other, however, she does not excuse his actions so…

Hopefully this will help Naoya realize he’s being a dumb bitch, and maybe, improve… 😒 WAKE UP PLEASE

If not, Naoaki is always there 😊

I guess we shall see what happens 😂 And don’t mind me, I loooove evoking these sentiments from my readers hahahahah it makes me feel as if I’m doing a good job, and motivates me to do my best!

Thank you so much for sending in an ask and for your lovely words 🥺❤, I hope you have a wonderful week, take care, and hope to see you soon!!!

[astral-spice]

I’m not posting that ask. Ignore this post it’s for the person who keeps harassing me despite the fact that I blocked them.

Of course I’ve fucking thought about it, what the fuck do you think I was doing during that time??? My torture was knowing that my actions hurt you terribly, AND that you hurt me just the same and didn’t give a shit. We’re both guilty of the same crime and you don’t care. You’re hypocrisy is unbearable. Look in a fucking mirror and gain some self awareness. Everything you call me applies to you dumbass. I know I’m not innocent, do you? What’s the saying again...don’t throw stones in glass houses?

Remember those months where you refused to have that NECESSARY talk about what happened between us? When you gave me the false hope that you might feel like talking eventually and somehow find a resolution to all this? Remember when I offered to let you beat me to a pulp for what I did? Or are you intentionally ignoring the fact that I felt so guilty about what happened that I violently hated myself, and wanted to be “punished” for what I did. I still carry that guilt with me because I cared about you and hated the fact that I hurt the most important person in my life at the time. But it’s much easier for you to ignore that fact so you can re-frame yourself as the only victim. After all, you didn’t do anything bad right? Woe is you and I couldn’t possibly understand. It’s not like I went through something similar caused by someone who I trusted...right? It’s not like you literally admitted to doing fucked up shit to me, AFTER you dragged me through all those months making me think I was the only guilty one, right?

It’s obvious that you DON’T carry any guilt at all, even though we both did the same thing to each other. If I hurt you I’m an asshole but when you hurt me it doesn’t count? Fucking hypocrite. I still have all your text messages so don’t you dare call me delusional when I have all the fucking evidence. Gaslighting me isn’t gonna fucking work. It’s your word against yours.

I’ve also talked to other people in that time and they’ve shared their stories about you. You have a terrible reputation and it’s NOT because of me. It’s because people talk when they’re treated terribly. Word spreads around. Consequences follow EVERY action. That’s why WHAT you do matters so damn much. That’s why I hated myself after what I did. That’s part of why I was traumatized. I KNEW the impact that I had. Do you know the impact you’ve made on me? I’ll keep repeating that question until it gets through your skull.

In case you’ve forgotten: neither of us are innocent, both of us are guilty of the exact same thing. The only difference is that you’re still incapable of holding yourself accountable, and throw the blame on others. You’re like this because of SOMEONE ELSE, not because of YOU, right? You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. So did someone else keep harassing me by sending messages on tumblr telling me they want me dead? Did someone else emotionally manipulate me? Did someone else traumatize me? Or were you not in control? Were you just “bored and…….” I’m not finishing that, but you know what I’m alluding to. Asshole.

I’m gonna tell you this directly: pull your head out of your ass, and fix yourself. You dug yourself into a hole and now you have to pull yourself out of it. These are the consequences to your actions, so deal with them. I want you out of my life but you don’t want that huh? I offered to help you initially but you didn’t want that either. Sure is selfish of me to wanna fix the problems I caused huh? Caring about the friends you hurt is such a dick move right? It’s sooooo manipulative of me to try and hold myself accountable.

Now fuck off and stop messaging me. I save everything you send my way so sending more death threats won’t help you.

[childeaether]

venus.

cw: 18+ only, xiao/f!reader, law school au, enemies to lovers, rough sex, dumbification, degradation

wc: 2.5k

it was getting late. well, it got late about two hours ago. now midnight was approaching at an annoyingly fast rate. you were exhausted, xiao was irritable, and the report was nowhere near done. it was a miracle that no one had come by to lock up the study room for the night.

“this case doesn’t make any sense,” you griped, typing aggressively on your laptop. xiao sighed.

“you’ve said that three times in the last thirty minutes. i get it,” he said flatly. you shot him a look. your professor had to be some kind of sadist. you and xiao had hated each other since the first day of class. rarely did a lecture go by without the two of you arguing- whether it was about law or the color of the sky.

“read this,” you said, turning your laptop towards him. his eyes narrowed as he read over the report, which you’d rewritten twice now. he shook his head as he approached the end.

“your reasoning doesn’t make any sense. you’re just mentioning another case to make the holes in your argument look smaller,” he said. “and the fuck does the implied powers have to do with anything?”

you snatched your laptop back. “at least i’m putting ideas out there. you’ve been rereading it for, like, forty five minutes.”

he rolled his eyes. “right. why analyze the case to further understand it when you could just spew bullshit and pray something is right?”

you groaned in frustration. “this case is at least a century old. you’re not supposed to ‘further understand it.’ the whole point of the assignment is torture us mentally.”

“the whole point of the assignment is to challenge us,” he shot back, “something you will have to get used to if you want a fucking law career.”

you slammed your laptop shut. “i get it, you think i’m stupid-”

“i don’t think you’re stupid, i think you’re fucking lazy.”

you snorted, but there was no humor in it. “i’m lazy, but you haven’t written shit. got it.”

he stood. “listen, i’m sorry that you weren’t paired with your little boyfriend, but-”

“my little boyfriend?” you said, incredulous. “what are you even talking about?” you got to your feet, too. the two of you were ticking time bombs, trapped in each other’s space. as always.

“that ginger you sit next to. don’t act like i’m wrong,” he snapped, “you two are so fucking obvious.”

you laughed in disbelief. “jesus christ, you are such an asshole. his name is childe. you’ve known him an entire semester-”

xiao cut you off, “you’re unbearable around him. that stupid high pitched giggle you do? it gives me a fucking headache-”

“laughing at his jokes means i’m fucking him?” you didn’t even realize that you’d raised your voice.

“you dumb yourself down for him,” xiao said. “it’s infuriating. you can have anyone you want, why do you settle for that moron?”

“i’m not settling for him,” you hissed, “i don’t even talk to him outside of class! and so what if i fucking was? god forbid someone likes me, right? just because you hate me doesn’t mean the rest of the world does.”

something in his eyes changed. you suddenly realized how close your faces were. you must’ve gotten closer as your tempers escalated.

“you are stupid,” he said, softly. before your rage took hold, he continued, “i.. don’t hate you.”

you scoffed. “yeah, right,” you said, starting to back away. his hand caught your shoulder, gentle but firm. the earth stopped turning. he’d never looked at you like this before. like you were more than a nuisance. much more.

it clicked. oh.

“what did you mean by.. what you said a second ago?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “that i.. can ‘have anyone i want?’” your heart was beating fast, and it wasn’t caused by rage, this time.

for a moment, xiao looked vulnerable. “we don’t have to talk about this,” he whispered. “i know that we argue a lot, and i know that i can be a dick, but- i don’t hate you. i don’t.”

your heart was caught in your throat. “how do you feel about me?” you breathed.

his cheeks reddened. he clearly wasn’t used to being emotionally vulnerable, especially in front of you. “it’s complicated,” he said. “it’s not necessarily how i feel about you, but how you make me feel.”

a small smile creeped onto your lips. “well.. what are you involuntarily feeling?”

your smile seemed to relax him, if only slightly. he sighed. “i’ve been asking myself the same question for months. i mean, you always annoyed me- especially in the beginning. but, as time went on, i don’t know.. i started noticing little things.

“like the look in your eye when you’re winning an argument. or the one when you’re losing. how you bite your lip when you’re focused on something..” he trailed off. he looked up, finally meeting your eyes.

“like i said, it’s complicated,” he murmured. “but whatever i was feeling was.. warm. pleasant, even if i didn’t want it to be. then, you started hanging out with that childe guy, and these feelings went from warm to… hot. like a, a burning sensation, in my chest.”

just thinking about it seemed to frustrate him. “he made you laugh. you didn’t look at him like you wanted to kill him. i mean, you liked him. and i couldn’t stand it, because-”

he cut himself off, trying to muster up the courage to say whatever was about to come next. “i couldn’t stand that you would never see me the way you saw him.” his breathing was shaky. it made your heart ache.

your faces were so close.

“it drives me insane,” he continued. “you drive me insane. and i just want to-”

you cut him off, capturing his lips in a desperate, long-awaited kiss. he jumped at first, shocked, but melted into it before too long. his hands found themselves on your hips, gripping them firmly. pulling you closer to him. you tangled your fingers in his hair, relishing in the deep groan that escapes him when you tug on the strands.

he bit your lip as he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. you whined and gasped for breath. you brought a hand to his cheek, brushing a piece of hair behind his ear. “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that,” you whispered. his fingers dug into your waist.

“you’re not fucking childe?” he said. god, his eyes.

you shook your head.

“good.”

just like that, he was on you again. the kiss was rougher this time, hotter. teeth nipped at lips, tongues prodded at one another, hands made their way up your shirt. xiao pulled away briefly to remove it. he pushed you up against the desk as his lips chased yours once again. you had no objections, dizzy with lust.

he shoved a thigh between your legs and you moaned as he pressed it against you.

“god, look at you,” he whispered, his teeth against your neck. he moved his thigh, and you couldn’t stop your hips from grinding against it. there was an almost sinister look in his eye. it was sadistic, but adoring. your heart was fluttering in your chest.

“aw, baby,” he cooed, “i’ve hardly touched you. do you really need it that bad?” that condescending tone did something to you. a familiar fog was starting to form in your head. “i guess i should’ve seen this coming. smart girls like you love to be turned into dumb sluts in bed, right?”

a shiver ran down your spine. before you could respond, he moved his ground his thigh against you. an embarrassingly high pitched noise escaped your throat. “yeah, that’s what i thought,” xiao teased, sinking his teeth into your collarbone. your nails dug into his shoulder.

suddenly, he pulled away. you whined pitifully at the loss of contact, but the disappointment didn’t last long. your heart skipped a beat as you realized xiao had pulled away to take off his belt. that fog was getting hard to ignore.

he noticed you staring. “bend over the desk,” he commanded, “and hike up your skirt for me.”

as if your panties weren’t soaked enough before.

nervously, you bent yourself over the desk and pulled your skirt up, exposing the silk panties you had on underneath. they were genuinely comfortable. xiao picked a good day to confess.

you heard him inhale sharply behind you, taking you in. “fuck,” he whispered, running a hand up your thigh. you couldn’t help but squirm. “you’re already so wet i can see it through your panties. does it turn you on when i tell you what to do?”

two fingers traced the outline of your pussy over your panties. “or maybe it was the ‘dumb slut’ part, hmm?”

you moaned helplessly, wriggling your hips. “xiao, please,” you begged, “hurry up, i- i want it.”

“be patient,” he replied. you felt lips press against your inner thigh. your skin felt like it was on fire, his lips burning a trail everywhere they touched. you whimpered and squirmed, desperate.

“please, just- fucking get on with it,” you cried. your cunt was aching. you’d imagined xiao fucking you on shameful, lonely nights. especially on days like this, when the two of you had been at each other’s throats. and now it was here. real.

“god, please-”

“shut the fuck up, slut, or i’ll rip these panties off and gag you with them,” he growled. the fog won. you felt yourself melt into the desk, into submission. your hips stilled, and you bit your lip to keep from whining. every second that passed felt like a lifetime.

finally, he pulled your panties down, exposing your dripping sex. you gasped at the sensation of cold air against you. it only made you feel hotter.

he ran his middle and index finger up and down your folds, maddeningly slow. god, it was hard to keep quiet. you could hardly think about anything but xiao, xiao’s fingers, xiao’s dick.

you couldn’t stop yourself from moaning out loud when his fingers began to circle your clit. they were slow and gentle; you needed them to be more.

“you’re so beautiful,” xiao whispered. you hung on to his every word. “i want to take my time with you, and i promise i will, later.. but right now, i can’t help myself.” he took your wrists into one hand, holding them behind your back. he leaned forward, his lips brushing against your ear as he continued, “i’m going to fuck you senseless.”

you cried out as he plunged two fingers inside you, thrusting in and out roughly. it was a relief, but it wasn’t enough. you tried to grind your hips onto his fingers to no avail. “and you’re going to take what i give you, aren’t you, baby?” he said, kissing a particularly sensitive spot behind your ear.

“because you’re my good, stupid slut.” he added a third finger and curled them inside you, finally hitting the sweet spot he’d been searching for. you let out a low moan at the sensation. “you think you’re so smart, but look at you. trying to fuck yourself on my fingers. if i’d known this is all it takes to shut you up, i would’ve done this a long time ago.”

you mumbled out a pathetic, incoherent moan. you couldn’t even argue with him, you were so desperate.

“it’s okay, pretty girl,” he whispered. “i’ve got you. i’ll give you what you want. you just have to ask.”

you knew what that meant. “please,” you begged, “please- fuck me, xiao! i want it so bad, i’m so..” you trailed off, trying to hang on to your train of thought as he twisted his fingers inside you. your sentence became a string of incoherent please’s.

luckily for you, xiao was nearing the limit of his control. “good girl,” he said. you heard shuffling behind you as he positioned himself, the tip of his cock pressing against the entrance to your cunt. his grip on your wrists tightened. “take a deep breath, baby.”

he thrust his hips forward and finally, he was inside you. it stung at first, but you adjusted quickly. when he felt you relax, he pulled your wrists toward him, using them as leverage to better fuck into you.

“oh, thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyou,” you moaned, relishing in the feeling of him brushing against your g-spot. every thrust had you seeing stars.

“fuck, you feel so good,” xiao hissed, picking up the pace. he pressed kisses down your spine. “so pretty, such a good girl. you like being fucked rough like this, baby? is this what you needed?”

you let out another string of whimpers, nodding desperately. “it’s so good,” you slurred, “i’m close.”

he released your wrists to grab your forearm, pulling you up, against his chest. this angle was somehow better than the last, directly targeting that sweet spot he’d only been brushing before. “oh, yes! right there!” you cried.

xiao let out a growl, fucking you harder than before. “that’s right, you stupid slut. fucking take it,” he snarled, biting into your neck. “you wanna cum?”

you nodded feverishly, no longer bothering to quiet the little noises he forced out of you with each thrust. “yes, god, please,” you begged, tears beginning to form in your eyes.

he suddenly pulled out and flipped you onto your back, thrusting inside you again without missing a beat. you grabbed onto his shoulders, trying to stay grounded. “tell me what you are,” he said, hardly louder than a whisper.

your cheeks were burning. you knew what he meant. in any other circumstance, you would’ve fought him on it, or at least tried to. but you’d never had dick this good in your life. you weren’t about to disobey him.

a thumb hovered above your clit. “tell me what you are,” he repeated, his gaze unwavering. you couldn’t resist him if you tried.

“i’m a dumb slut!” you cried, tears running freely now. he brought his thumb down, rubbing in time with his quick, rough thrusts. your eyes rolled back as you came, cunt clenching down desperately, legs shaking around his waist.

xiao was quick to follow, cumming inside you with a low, gravelly groan as he pulled your hips against him. you whined at the feeling.

as he came down, he pressed his lips to yours again, much gentler than he had earlier. you kissed him back, slowly gathering your bearings.

when you pull away, he peppers your cheeks with light kisses. “you were so good,” he whispered, “so good for me.” you hummed happily, capturing his lips once more.

he pulled out of you, much to your dismay. before you could demand another round, you were hit with a sudden realization. “oh, fuck,” you said, frantically pulling your shirt over your head.

his eyes widened and he put a hand on your arm. “what is it? what’s wrong?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned. it was a cute look on him.

“the fucking case report,” you grumbled.

he grinned and gently tugged you back to his chest. “don’t worry. i can fix your half in, like, thirty minutes.”

you shot him an annoyed but amused look. “you’re an asshole,” you said. he pressed a kiss to your nose.

“you love it,” he replied.

and you did.

[beccanoodles]

Spike and Faye Pairing Analysis

March 2021

Ah the hit or miss pairing of the century! If you don’t love it, you probably hate it lol. I’m a very analytical person so I love analyzing works of art and overall enjoy deep discussions about them too. I have SO much to say when it comes to Cowboy Bebop (and oh I plan to), but I have decided to start with my very own OTP. Here, I am not really going to discuss Spike and Faye’s feelings for each other, but rather why I think people are drawn to this pairing and why I think they're totally valid. Get ready for a long read!😁

⚠️SPOILER WARNING!!! [Major Cowboy Bebop and the movie Out of the Past spoilers]⚠️

First off, let’s clear something up. I am confident most of us can agree that Spike was in love with Julia. Some people assume Spike and Faye fans are deranged and disregard Spike and Julia’s romantic relationship to try and make something of Spike and Faye that never was. While some people may have their various theories and opinions on this, generally, I don’t think anyone denies Spike’s love for Julia. As we will see, this pairing is not really driven by who loves who...let’s first look on the surface.

I don’t know your experiences with the series, but in mine, every time I show this to people it never fails for someone to say something along the lines of,

“Wait, they don’t end up together?”

“Why didn’t he kiss her!?”

“He should have stayed with her...”

and so fourth. 

Naturally, this pairing catches many eyes. 

Think about it, you are given two really cool, really hot and really deep characters that are really fun to see together! There are so many parallels between the two and they are arguably the strongest characters of the bunch. Granted, you can agree with this and still not ship them, but these aspects are part of what opens up the door for many fans of the pairing.

However, there is certainly more to this pairing than them simply looking good together right? As the years pass and I’ve now seen the show multiple times, my understanding of it has evolved in many areas, Spike and Faye included. 

Spike and Faye really couldn’t have ended up together. Sure, it’s a nice thought, but It would have been an entirely different show if they had. I don’t feel that the show should have happened any other way and I don’t think many other fans would either. 

So, what am I saying here?

What’s the point of this paring if I don’t think they should have ended up together? 

It is what's so frustrating about them, yet keeps you coming back and what honestly validates this pairing in my opinion. Spike and Faye are not driven by what is, but rather, what could be.  

I personally feel the themes of classic film Noir are not discussed enough when it comes to Cowboy Bebop! This is one of the show's major influences, especially when it comes to the plot and characters.

One of the common tropes of a film noir is that of a protagonist who is drawn back into his past and ultimate doom, usually by the “seduction” of a femme fatale. In these movies, the women are either a femme fatale [devious, dangerous, mysterious, greedy, troubled, or unreliable] or a woman of virtue [reliable, dutiful, trustworthy, conventional and loving]. 

I am going to use the 1947 classic, Out of the Past to make my comparisons from here on out.

In Out of the Past, Jeff is a former detective who gets caught up in a love triangle between a gangster and his girlfriend Kathie, sound familiar? He attempts to run away with her, but is betrayed and runs off to start a new life in a new town. Here, he meets Ann and falls in love with her, but of course, his past catches up to him and he is drawn back into the world of criminals (largely by Kathie’s involvement). This ultimately results in his and Kathie’s deaths and Ann’s heartbreak. 

Even though Kathie is the femme fatale in this movie, I found myself comparing her more to Julia’s role in the show, than to Faye’s and I found that Faye actually fit best in Ann’s role (this is a bit unusual considering Faye is typically seen as the femme fatale of this show).

Does that mean I think Julia was as ill intentioned as Kathie or that Spike fell in love with Faye? Well, not exactly, let’s look at it a bit further.

“The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can’t leave alone...Like an angel from the underworld or a devil from paradise.”

Most of what we get about Julia is from Spike’s point of view. From this, we learn she is at the center of Vicious and Spike’s conflict, but aside from that she is basically depicted as “The Virtuous Woman” of a noir. The colors around her are warm and she is shown caring for Spike. There is an innocence and modestly about her as well.

Yet, when we finally do meet Julia, we get a different image. We know she is tied up with dangerous men, but is she herself a dangerous woman?

She is certainly capable of betrayal. 

Suddenly she is a bad-ass-gun-toting woman in leather and black, surrounded by hues of grey and dark blue. Intentional or not, Julia is a major part of what lures Spike back into the past and ultimately to his death. In this case, Julia is the femme fatale of Spike’s story and thus, their relationship is doomed from the start.

Faye, on the other hand, is portrayed in somewhat of a contrast. When we first meet her, she is the clear cut femme fatale, appearing cunning, strong willed and seductive. However, we soon find that she has quite a bit of kindness and naivety hidden behind her facade. She uses the former tactics as a way of emotional (and probably physical) protection. Gren points this out in his conversation with her. 

Gren, 

“You’re just afraid they’d abandon you so you abandoned them. You distanced yourself from the whole thing.”

As the show progresses, we start to see less of her “femme fatale nature” and something more genuine. Think about it, between Hard Luck Woman and RFB Part 2 we don’t see much of Faye as her typical conniving or unreliable self, aside from changing the course of the Bebop maybe. Sure she takes off, but it isn’t at all for the same reasons she did in Jupiter Jazz or Speak Like a Child, for example. 

I would argue we actually see her more trustworthy and caring than ever. Since I don’t want to spend too much time talking about Faye’s character development (not here at least) I’ll give one example of this. 

When she returns to the Bebop after her encounter with Julia in RFB Part 1, she gives Spike the message, even though the outcome might hurt her (i.e. he leaves and/or dies). While she does first say “It’s gonna cost you,” she doesn’t really mean it because she tells him without hesitation only moments later.

This isn’t to say Faye good, Julia bad. Both women have their layers and even though we know way more about Faye, I don’t get the impression that Julia is selfish and cunning like Kathie was. But I do get the feeling she was enclosed in a world of crime and betrayal the way Kathie was. We really only know the basics of Spike and Julia’s situation. Who knows the details like motive or how long it lasted etc. etc. We can only speculate...

There is a scene towards the end of Out Of The Past, where Kathie tells Jeff to go away with her. This time it is her asking him, just like Julia asks Spike. During this she mentions,

“I never told you I was anything but what I am, you just wanted to imagine I was. That’s why I left you.”

This got me thinking...did Spike imagine Julia as something she wasn’t? Or something he wanted her to be that she just couldn’t be? 

It could explain why we get such contrasted images of her.

There are themes of this “dreamlike” relationship between Jeff and Kathie, similar to Spike and Julia’s “It was all a dream.”

The two of them were going to “live and be free,” probably something neither of them knew how to do and most likely wouldn’t have been able to get away with.

When Jet asks Spike if he can just forget the past, this is his answer.

Spike,

“There was a woman. For the first time in my life I saw a woman that was truly alive. At least that’s what I thought. She was the part of me I had lost, that part that was missing, that I had been longing for.”

I always wondered about this, because Spike is clearly talking about Julia, but right after is when Faye shows up. To me, that spoke volumes...

Faye is a woman who is terribly human and terribly alive.

Going back to Faye and Ann, I find their similarities shine not so much in the “Virtuous Woman,” concept, but rather in Ann’s dedication to Jeff and her optimism for the future. She is also the last person to talk to Jeff before he leaves for the final time, as if he were being presented with one last alternative. Spike spends his last moments with Faye as well, in which she basically begs him not to go and keep him in the present that she has now discovered for herself. She may be stuck, but she is definitely someone that yearns for human connection, love, and life.

The problem is, Spike and Faye are both set in opposite directions. Her’s leads to a future and Spike knows this because he points it out early on (My Funny Valentine). He also knows, his most likely does not. He has already dug himself too deep into this hole, if you will, that there is really no turning back. 

But let’s say none of that was an issue? What could be?

I sat and watched this movie (Out of the Past) with my mom. She didn’t know anything about it and didn’t know why I was watching it. I wanted her genuine reaction. The whole time she was getting mad at Jeff until the very end. I asked her why and she said that she wanted him to be able to live happily with Ann. I explained to her why he had to do what he did. She understood this, but still couldn’t help but be sad at how things turned out for him, when they could have been good.

Even though Kathie and Jeff are the “lovers,” of this movie, you don’t really want them to end up together. Forget that Kathie has a devious nature, regardless, you know where it has to end and you don’t want to see your hero die.

Like Kathie, Julia symbolizes Spike’s inevitable doom and Like Ann, Faye symbolizes his possible future. 

“I’ll be with you till the end”

                           “You’re the one still tied to the past Spike!”

                                                               “Why do you have to go? Where are you going? What are you gonna do, just throw your life away like it was nothing?!”

It’s two sides of a sad coin...

We want Spike to have a future and because we love the characters of the show, it would be really great if he could have it with them, but that is where the tragedy is. It's only an idea we can think about, a possibility presented to us as it was to Jeff and Spike before their deaths.

The bottom line is, when it comes to Spike and Faye you are really only given a taste. You are not given what you expect to see, which is why I say this ship is driven by what could be. As it is with most of the character relationships in the show, no major breakthroughs are made until the very end, when it's too late. Then it just feels like such wasted potential, but sometimes in life, that's how it is. And thus, we have been given a very classic noir here ladies and gentlemen!

So no, I don’t think people miss the mark when they ship Spike and Faye, nor do I find they invalidate the show by any means. I kind of like that Watanabe switched it up and didn’t do the expected, but left us those subtle hints. He didn’t outright give Spike another lover, but he gave us someone that represents what he could have. Kind of does that with the crew as a whole too!

UGH. I love-hate this show and I love this pairing! Thank you for reading my thoughts and I know this may not be the case or reasoning for everyone, but just based on what I have seen around the community and where this show draws inspiration, this is what I have concluded. I didn’t get into Spike and Faye’s feelings for each other because it gets a little more theoretical there, but I would like to do a post on my thoughts on that as well sometime. I also didn’t touch too much on Spike’s reasoning for choosing to face Vicious in the end, just because I know that will only lead into a whole other analysis lol. But you know I have my thoughts on that and certainly plan to share them 😎 Also, I know I basically spoiled it, but Out of the Past is such a great movie!! I think if you’re a fan of this show it's definitely worth a watch! There are so many more parallels to Cowboy Bebop that I didn’t even mention. Anyways, thanks again and talk to you soon!

[lemonandtheart]

@gxmonth Day 18 - This Wasn't In The Rule Book!! vampire au vampire aU VAMPIRE AU~~!! I have always been such a sucker for monsters and magic lol. I wrote a little fanfic drabble a hot minute ago that I'll include under the cut!

There were rumors running rampant all through Domino. Breathless whispers through the crowds of its residents. They spread fear like the plague, but who could blame them? With all of the people who’d gone missing never to be seen again it was only natural such a fear would grow until it had reached an unprecedented proportion. Whether it was truth or not didn’t matter because to the people of Domino there was no doubt. A vampire was on the loose through the city streets after nightfall.

Despite the lack of evidence, Jesse Andersen hoped the rumors true. He’d come a long way to hunt down this supposed dirty bloodsucker. His friend, Jim, had offered to come along on the journey too but Jesse had declined. They didn’t truly know if there was a vampire in Domino City. He’d certainly find out after dark. Since the people of Domino had been keeping holed up inside at night the past few months, he was sure the parasite had to be starved by now.

A chill settled in the night air once the sun fully disappeared over the horizon. Jesse pulled his thick, black jacket tighter to his chest. It would be a long night. He was glad he’s had the foresight of buying himself a hot coffee before the shops closed. It warmed him from the inside out as he perused the streets. Hopefully one of two things would occur: either there was no vampire and he’d be on his merry way after a quick report back to the Vampire Hunter’s Association or there was a parasitic lowlife lurking among the shadows that he would eliminate well before the sun would rise again. Either way Jesse felt that he’d be headed home within the next few days.

He paused underneath of a spotlight near a fountain. It wasn’t running and with the high-rise buildings surrounding he felt even the nearly silent sound of his pulse was amplified. It was quiet—eerily so. Not a thing in the whole city seemed to make any noise and the stillness of it was deafening. A soft, distant tapping of heels against pavement was a deliberate break in the silence. Jesse set his hand on the small stake launcher secured to his belt. The sound echoed and made it seem to come from everywhere at once. He slowly backed up to the fountain, craning his neck around to try and find the direction of the noise. Any direction would do. What he wasn’t expecting was the freezing hands on his shoulders matched with a silken, sultry voice from directly behind him. “Well, what’s a pretty thing like you doing here?”

Jesse jolted from the grasp and yanked the weapon from its holster, aiming it squarely at the chest of the man, no, monster he was looking for. He had messy, untamable, two-toned brown hair and a set of gleaming golden eyes staring hungrily at him. He wore a low-cut V-neck shirt that nearly slit down to his stomach, the two sides of the fabric held together by thin string tied crossways. The sleeves, he noticed, were ruffled when he moved his hands up to the sides of his head — palms facing forward in a show of submission. His pants buttoned and sat snugly on his thin hips before disappearing beneath his high-heeled boots at the knee. The heels dug into the stone of the fountain he stood upon; the streetlights the ideal backdrop for his cape he wore over the ensemble. It fastened just above his clavicle with a jeweled button. Jesse sneered in disgust at the creature, but more so at the choice of apparel. It was far too extra, making him look more like a movie villain than a bloodthirsty creature of night. “Hasn’t anyone warned you it’s dangerous to be out so late at night?” The vampire questioned.

“I could ask the same to you, vampire.” Jesse responded, gesturing to the launcher aimed still at his chest. The vampire chuckled.

“Perhaps, but I own these streets. The name’s Jaden by the way. Jaden Yuki. To whom do I owe the pleasure of meeting this lovely evening?”

“Jesse Andersen. Sorry to say, but these streets were never yours.” Jaden kept his hands raised but stepped down from his position atop the fountain’s rim. Jesse began backing up, his eyes and shot never leaving the vampire as he strutted towards him.

“Is that so?” He drawled, continuing his slow approach. Jesse’s fingers twitched on the trigger, the small movement pushing Jaden to respond. He kicked high, knocking the weapon out of Jesse’s hands and into the sky. It came crashing back to the Earth and hit the rock of the fountain with a horrendous crack, bouncing into the water in a jagged movement. Jesse’s eyes widened at the horror of being disarmed. He hadn’t expected to find an adversary of any remarkable skill on the streets of Domino. Now, only panic and fear pooled in his stomach as he kept his eyes locked on Jaden’s. “Care to tell me what brings you here, Jesse?”

“You.”

“Me?” Jaden asked, cocking his head to the side in an innocent way.

“Obviously! You’re the one who’s been kidnapping people for the past few months!” Jesse’s words only seemed to confuse Jaden more. He furrowed his brow hard.

“Wait, wait. Hold on a minute. First of all, I haven’t kidnapped anyone ever! I haven’t even been out from the lair in a year or so! I’ve been—”

“I thought you owned these streets?” Jesse sassed.

“Well, ehe, I thought it’d sound cool. Didn’t it?” Jaden admitted, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“That doesn’t matter!” Jesse exclaimed, shaking Jaden’s shoulders. Jaden pouted.

“Fine, fine. Anyways, I’m not the one you’re after.”

“Great! Now I’m stuck in the heart of Domino with two vampires wandering the streets with no weapon.” He whined, coming to sit at the fountain. Jaden shrugged casually.

“There are plenty more vampires than that here, but okay.” An idea struck Jesse, fast and hard and stupid. So stupid, in fact, it just might work.

“You!” He exclaimed suddenly, rushing Jaden and squeezing his shoulders roughly. Jaden blinked slowly at him.

“Me?”

“Yes! You’ve got to know all the vampires around here!”

“So?”

“So, you must know the one responsible! You can help me!” Jaden’s eyes narrowed, intrigue taking over.

“Oh? And what’s in it for me?” He purred. Jesse gulped but didn’t let the fear register. He knew it’d make his job so much easier to play the enemy. If he could get Jaden to work with him, he could eliminate not only the immediate threat but Jaden as well. Killing two vampires with one stake. All he had to do was play his cards right.

“Would…some of my blood be fine enough payment?” He asked, playing as though he was embarrassed by such an idea. He’d noticed many vampires he’d dealt with in the past responded well if he pretended like he was new, nervous, and never before bitten. It was like the idea of being the first to drink from a human was a special treat that was rarely given. He’d been bitten plenty by vampires and honestly it wasn’t that bad. It only would become a problem should he take his lifeblood—the true way to turn a human into a vampire. Jaden pursed his lips as Jesse lowered the collar of his jacket, offering payment upfront for his cooperation. He closed in on Jesse, gripping his biceps and wetly licking a stripe up Jesse’s neck to his ear. Jesse hated the way his body shuddered at the feeling, both of the lick and Jaden’s hot breath now in his ear. Though, he was also grateful for it. It helped to sell the unspoken act of it being his first time. He bit his own lip, mentally preparing himself for Jaden’s fangs. It was always the initial jab that was the worst part. A short, single noise of amusement left Jaden’s mouth before his answer rang numbly in his ear.

“No.” Jesse felt his eyes widen when Jaden pulled back to look Jesse in the face, a casual smirk present on his lips. He had never once in all of his time dealing with vampires ever had one turn down a willing, easy meal. It was astounding and almost admirable. Jaden was on an entirely new level of vampire he’d never seen before. He could feel his cheeks flush with real embarrassment of being turned down so casually. What, was his blood not good enough? “I came up for a reason tonight, Jesse. Would you like to know it?” Words failed, so he simply nodded. Jaden closed the short distance between them and slotted his chin in the juncture of Jesse’s neck, lips less than an inch away from Jesse’s ear. He whispered like he was revealing a grand secret. “You see, I’ve very recently come of age. It’s time to build a court of my own, but to do that I have to prove myself. Know how?” His answer was a shake of the head. He could feel Jaden’s smirk grow. “I have to turn a human into a vampire in front of everyone I know. A little ceremony if you will. I was hoping to find myself a willing participant to join my court. My first member. That’s all I could ever ask for.”

The color that’d been building in Jesse’s face drained. He was terrified in the, albeit gentle, grip of a vampire that wanted to turn him. It was a good thing in a way. At least Jaden didn’t have any desire to kill him, and that made him feel a bit better. Still, with all the vampires Jesse’d seen he’d never truly spoken to one longer than necessary. In one short description from Jaden, he felt like he’d learned more of the societal structure of vampires than he had in his relatively short career. Jaden pulled away from him, making eye contact with Jesse. He could feel the icy cold of Jaden’s fingers on the skin of his face. His lips moved, but no sound came out. Jesse shook his head, hoping to tune back in. “What?” He asked. Jaden shook his head softly, tsking.

“I said that if you wanted to, we could have a little fun. Make a game of it. Only if you’re a willing participant of course. I’d hate to coerce you into a life you’re uncomfortable with.”

“A game of what?”

“Rewards! If you win, I’ll help you track the vampire behind the disappearances and as an added bonus I’ll leave Domino. But if I win, you’ll stay and become my first court member. We can still track the vampire down, that’s a given. Either way you’ll still benefit in one fashion or another.”

“And what game will we be playing?”

“How’s hide and go seek? I know it’s a bit unfair since I know the city better than you, so we can keep tally at the fountain. Say, five minutes to hide and ten to seek? We’ll play ‘till dawn, so twelve rounds. No rooftops, no going into buildings, no turning into bats. Sound fair?” Jaden extended his hand to Jesse. His heart pounded in his chest. He couldn’t believe he was even considering it, but it was true. Jaden was the best bet of actually locating the vampire he was looking for, and even if he lost Jaden didn’t seem like that bad of a guy. He was inclined to take Jaden’s hand, so he did. A searing pain ran up his arm and radiated through his body. “The oath is bound. I’ll seek first.” He turned his back to Jesse, covering his eyes with his hands. “One…Two…Three…”

Jesse ran as fast as his legs could carry him. The people of Domino were depending on him to end their blight. He had to win. He felt a sort of obligation to rid the world of these vermin. Yet, there was something about Jaden Yuki that’d drawn him in way too far for a first encounter. His initial presence had felt intimidating, domineering, and had in an instant become soft and genuine. It felt so wrong to see any good in one of those filthy creatures of the night, but Jesse couldn’t help it. He could sense the overwhelming good nature of Jaden and it made him feel inclined to believe that this would be a fair game.

That was five minutes. Jesse tucked himself tight into an alleyway. He slowed his breathing, trying hard not to give himself away. The click of Jaden’s heels against the concrete filled every crevasse and made it impossible to know how close or far Jaden really was. The gentle glow of the moon and the harsh lights of the city around were the only means Jesse had of sight. He wished desperately for the warmth of the sun. This alley felt like static on his skin. The clicking finally stopped. He held his breath, shifting slightly back behind the boxes he was obscured by. “Found you!” Jaden smirked. He’d moved so fast he’d nearly materialized out of thin air. “Alright! One to nothin’! Better catch-up Jess, unless you secretly do want to be a vampire!” He stuck out his tongue past his sharp teeth before taking off down the alley. Jesse couldn’t help the smile that overtook his face. This was actually kind of fun. Jaden, as dangerous as he had the potential to be, actually was making this unfortunate situation fun.

He found Jaden easily, far too easily. He’d been out in the open, almost waiting for him. With each passing round Jaden found him with unfathomable ease and Jesse him with increasing difficulty. It all came down to the final round – Jaden’s six to Jesse’s five. It was Jesse’s turn to seek. “Good luck, Jess. I can’t wait to see how good you’ll look on the ceremonial altar for me!” He winked suggestively and, in a flash, he was gone. Jesse closed his eyes and willed the color from his face. He was a grown ass man. He could deal with comments like that! He could! He began his count.

There was breeze now that brushed and caressed his skin with an all-new chill. It made him feel uncertain. Could he really find Jaden? He had been getting harder and harder to find. If he failed to find him, he’d still finish the job he’d come to the city to do. The only difference was that he wouldn’t be leaving. His heart fluttered in his chest. It was making him feel fuzzy to think about. He didn’t hate the idea; he hadn’t hated the idea from the start actually. If he had, he wouldn’t’ve agreed to play. Hell, he didn’t even hate vampires down to his core like most of his friends did. He’d mostly joined to thanks to Jim’s glowing reference and the promise of traveling about. You had to dehumanize vampires to bring yourself to kill them. He’d gotten good at it and he loved to be good at something. He didn’t think now though that even if a good opportunity showed itself that he could go through killing Jaden. He’d done an excellent job at humanizing himself from the start to Jesse.

His counted ended and the final chase began. He only had until the sun rose now. Domino was huge and for once that evening, he actually felt defeated. Still, he pressed onwards and kept his search going. Every alley, every street, behind every garbage can and every car. It was like Jaden had disappeared entirely until finally he reached the first place he’d hidden. “Jaden! I know you’re there!” Jesse bluffed. He heard a chuckle come from behind him and flipped around. Jaden was so close, leaning in towards him.

“So close and yet so far.” Jaden said, gesturing over his shoulder. The sun had already begun to slink over the horizon. He felt Jaden’s thin but strong arms wrap around him and a swirling vortex of black consumed them.

[marvel-movies-bucky-barnes]

Moving Forward

Summary: You are Tony’s sister and in love with Bucky, but Tony still doesn’t trust Bucky post-Winter Soldier

Pairing: Bucky x Laela (reader)

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Sam Wilson, Thor Odinson, Wanda Maximoff,

Warnings: Fluff, some kissing, light spoilers up until Captain America: Civil War, angst, self-doubts, mentions of brainwashing, comforting

Word count: 3,346

Author’s note: This is really my first fic I’ve ever written and posted. Please be kind and enjoy! I am in the process of going through the Marvel movies chronologically for the first time, so I HAVE NOT FINISHED THE MOVIES YET! Please don’t comment spoilers past Spiderman: Homecoming in Marvel’s chronology! I appreciate reposts and comments!

Requests: OPEN

*NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNER*

You would think that a man who had nothing left to lose would be ready to throw himself to the fire. You would think that a simple retrieval mission would be as routine as putting on your shoes before you walk out the door. You would think that spending ten years living under the protection of a hotheaded brother with an egocentric mind would warrant the basic privilege of a release from the iron-fisted grip on your whereabouts.  

According to Natasha, all this thinking is what gets me into trouble with Tony in the first place.

“I don’t understand.” Grabbing Tony’s arm, halfway lifted to the coffee mug balancing precariously on the edge of the counter, I spun him toward me. I knew full well that he could have dug his feet in his tracks if he had wanted to, yet he yielded. “Why will you take me and not him?”

“You know why. And if you weren’t so naïve, maybe you would wake up from this daydream you’re living in and realize that I’m right.” A shadow must have crossed my face—one all too familiar to the team who was lounging against pristine furniture a room over, feigning ignorance to our conversation. As I glanced over my shoulder, a dozen pairs of eyes darted around, immediately finding innate fascination in the stitching of the carpet and the chandelier gently swinging above the banister.  

“Laela—,” Avoiding eye contact, he slid his fingers into the iron hand of his suit, hissing when the cold metal bit into his skin. As if he hadn’t worn it enough times to have the basic instinct of turning on the heater first. Cool granite hit my skin as I hoisted myself up onto the counter. The silence was deafening, or maybe it was the blood roaring through my ears—hot-headed, the only way the Stark family knows—until he finally dropped his head in defeat. “One.”

One pin drop could be heard; one collective breath was held by the rest of the team; one last nerve of his that I was getting on? The possibilities were endless. Biting my tongue, I waited as patiently as could be expected as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he pinched the bridge of his nose.  

“One mission,” he relented, swearing lightly as if he were battling against conscious. “You have one hour to get him ready. Starting now.”

I saw those dozen pairs of eyes burning holes in the back of Tony’s head, mouths hung open like fish out of water. When I glanced past Tony and made eye contact with Steve, his eyebrows shot to his hairline and he motioned me quickly toward the door before Tony could change his mind.  

“One hour!” Tony hollered after me as I backpedaled out of the room, tripping over the leg of Thor’s chair on the way.  

My feet had a mind of their own as they carried me up two flights of stairs and three different hallways before I knocked gently on the heavy oak door next to my own. I had originally picked my room at the far end of the mansion for the view of the coast, the endless stretch of ocean providing a comforting hum of white noise while I slept.  

I like to think Bucky had picked his for the sounds of the ocean as well, though I imagine the rush of the waves works to calm more than his insomnia.

When he didn’t answer, I let myself in. I was shocked, in the beginning, at the stark contrast between his room and the other bedrooms in the house. The walls—completely bare save for the navy paint coating—were shockingly distinct from my own, which were covered in photos and haphazardly hung posters. Walking into his room now, I see how calming the blankness of the walls can be for Bucky, especially if it mirrors what he’d like to feel inside his own mind. A clean slate in his room; peaceful, blank walls. Stillness. The hope that these can be replicated onto himself.  

I can’t help but think back to one of the first nights we shared in this room.  

I had woken up in the middle of the night to a cold bed. Frantically grabbing at the sheets for the familiar touch of a warm hand or even the cold bite of the metal on his arm was futile, and I shot up ramrod straight in our bed to see him leaning against the railing of the balcony, fingers digging into the wood and unclenching, repeatedly.  

It was a sight I had come to be familiar with.  

As it was happening in this moment, I had done nothing more than walk over to him and lean my elbows against the railing and watch the waves, knowing that this was something that I couldn’t fix—something that he hadn’t wanted me to fix. I had made it clear that there was nothing in him that needed to be fixed, but I gave him the space to work through the storm clouds surrounding his head.  

That was all the other needed at times, I believe; someone there to ground us as we battled against our own demons clawing at our heads.  

Tonight, Bucky’s elbows leaned into the railing, the metal biting into the splintering wood. He didn’t seem to notice. His shoulders eased a fraction of an inch as he heard me approach, something that had taken him months to be able to do around anyone.

“Where are you?” I asked.

“HYDRA. Winter Soldier Operative.” A short, clipped response. Unspoken words hung heavy in the balance; thoughts I knew he wouldn’t breach right now. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence—it never was with me and him. Though a hundred questions came bubbling to the surface, I held back. Sparing him a sidelong glance, he shook his head lightly.  

He didn’t want to talk about it. And that was all right.

“I was thinking,” I mused, reaching over to take Bucky’s arm in my hand and tracing the grooves of the metal. “Wouldn’t it be nice to get away? Somewhere the Winter Soldier won’t follow?”

It was naïve thinking, I realized almost immediately. Just as Tony had said (not that I would ever admit to this truth). Naïve to believe that we could escape the mission, if only for a few moments; naïve to believe that Bucky could take himself out of world he had formed through escapism.

“I can’t change the past, doll.” He focused on one point across the ocean while I centered on the dips and divots of the vibranium.  

“No one’s asking you to. But you don’t need to let it define you.” Reaching up, I tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. It had been blowing in his face for God knows how long; I knew he wouldn’t have bothered to fix it himself any time soon.  

“The Winter Soldier is in the past. HYDRA can’t get to you anymore. This Bucky,” tapping my finger against his heart, I looked up at him, “this James—he’s the man I fell in love with.”

His withering stare finally softened as his shoulders relaxed all the way. Something clicked in him when he heard James—something he only hears from me.

“You’re here because Tony finally released his grip on you, is that it?” he quipped, softening his words by pressing his lips to the top of my head. “I could hear Tony yelling from downstairs, so I had asked JARVIS for the mission update before you came up.”  

“You don’t have to go. You know that; no one would hold it against you.” As he opened his mouth to protest (most likely about how Tony would hold it against him if he had so much as buttered his toast wrong), I gently cut him off with a squeeze of his hand. “I do think it might help get things back on track with Tony, though, Buck.”

“He still doesn’t trust me.” Bucky’s eyes hardened, turning back toward the ocean.

“Prove him wrong.”  

His silence held more than he knew, and he seemed to realize this as he gave a brisk nod and pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek before turning to change into his gear.  

_______________________________________________________________________

On the plane, as luck would have it, I had scored the seat between Bucky and Tony, Bucky being across the aisle from Steve, Bruce and Sam as well. He kept up quiet, polite conversation with Bruce and Sam on the way, his hand resting on my knee and his voice soft. While he was distracted, I took the opportunity to nudge Tony in the right direction.

“Talk to him,” I encouraged, pressing on when Tony narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know the first thing about him.”

At his bark of indignation, I cut him a look sharp as glass.  

“You have misjudged him since the moment you met him,” I snapped, fingers curling into a fist. “We are a team. You want me, you get him, too. That’s how this works.”  

Though I had pitched my voice low to avoid the others overhearing, Tony stiffened, and I could sense Wanda attempting to shift the energy of the plane as the rest of the team began stumbling over their words to affect cluelessness about the situation. Five metal fingers tightened lightly over my knee and I laid my hand atop his without breaking eye contact with Tony.  

“Bucky didn’t kill our parents.” A sharp intake—whether from Bucky or from Wanda, I couldn’t be sure—sounded throughout the aircraft. “The Winter Soldier did. HYDRA did. Since coming back, Bucky’s done nothing but try to beg for your forgiveness, your understanding, and you’ve been a brick wall—to him, to Steve, to me. And deep down, I think you’re just scared to admit that you could have been wrong about something.”

My breathing rattled in my lungs.

The metal of Bucky’s fingers clicked together as they pressed into my knee.

A quiet rustle of Thor’s cloak and Natasha spinning a dagger between gloved fingers.

The soft tap of Steve’s shield against the seat of the plane.

One

Two

Three beats of  

A b s o l u t e l y   n o t h i n g.

As I turned back toward Bucky, his metal fingers tapping lightly into the fabric of my jeans, one-two-three, one-two—a grounding tactic he told me he once used at HYDRA’s base—I shook my head, willing to accept that there was nothing I could do for Tony to put his ego aside and take in what I was saying when—

“You’re right.” Tony let out a breath I knew he had probably been holding around Bucky since the Winter Soldier operative. Low enough for only me and Bucky to hear—though he directed his words at me—two words I never thought Bucky would hear from him (whether indirectly or not) fell past his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“James is—Bucky’s —not the Winter Soldier. He’s not the man you’ve painted him out to be. I love him for who he is, not what he has or hasn’t done. He’s done more for this team and for me than you care to notice. Maybe if you’d put your enormous ego aside and have a conversation with him, you would see that.”

Tony’s eyes darted between mine for five—six—seven beats, his lips pressed into a fine line. Five metal fingers continued tapping a pattern onto my thigh. One breath.

“I know you love him.”  

A dozen pairs of eyes bore through Tony with a steel gaze, unabashedly pinning him in place with a single look.  

“Let’s see what he’s got.”

_______________________________________________________________________

I’d normally call a successful mission any time our team made it out alive, though I knew Tony didn’t see it the same way. Today was different—while half the team victory was winning the battle against a terrorist organization set to infiltrate the city, I would say that Bucky and I found our own victory in our small interaction with Tony on the plane.

“I’ve been thinking, Laela,” Bucky murmured from where we lazed across the chair on the veranda. I waited for him to continue and looked up at him, but his gaze wasn’t on me—it was trained on the ocean once more. I knew he was sifting through his thoughts, tangled in a knot from the last twenty-four hours—likely from before then, even. “I’ve been thinking about 1942.”

“The war?” I twisted a strand of his hair that had fallen into his eyes, not wanting to press too much on a sensitive subject. Tucking the strand behind his ear, I met his eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Laying my head back down on his chest, I counted five heartbeats before he finally let out a breath.

“Yes. But not now.” His plated fingers brushed against my knee. His fingers tapped a rhythm against my knee—one-two-three, one-two. Grounding himself in reality. “I remember everything detail. About the war, about the HYDRA operative. Going under. Every moment.”

I knew as much, though he rarely talked about it openly like this.  

“Tony stopped me when we came home from the mission.” The tension in his arms wrapped around me vanished on that word—home. “After you had gone up to bed, and I told you I would meet you up there. We started talking—one of the first real conversations I think we’ve ever had. He asked me—”

I waited for him to finish, knowing that whatever he had to say must have been as difficult then as it was now.  

“He asked me about HYDRA. About the Winter Soldier.” As my body tried to jerk toward his, he gently pushed my shoulders back to lay against his chest. “It’s fine. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it, and he didn’t press—shocking as that is.”  

“Did he ask about anything else?”

“He asked about you,” he admitted. At my baffled expression, he snorted and added, “Relax. He didn’t threaten to murder me and hide my body, if that’s what you’re wondering. He asked about what you said on the plane.”

Racking my brain, I remembered how heated I was toward Tony in the moment.  

“You hadn’t told him that before, had you? That you loved me.”

It wasn’t an accusation, just a question. A statement, really. Still, I felt a flush creep up my neck as I tried to find a point on the horizon to focus on. Bucky knew that I loved him but didn’t always understand why. I hadn’t heard the same from him, and it was fine—honestly.  

I would break off pieces of my own soul to give him, bit by bit, if it would give him some peace, just to let him know how loved he is.  

“Have I ever told you the first memory I have of you? At the HYDRA base, when you and Steve had come to break me out?” Without waiting for an answer, a shaky laugh fell past his lips as he lifted his hand from my shoulder to comb his hair back.  

“You had barreled through the door, right on Steve’s heels. HYDRA had been poking around in my brain, and I didn’t have control of what I was doing. But I was aware of what was going on around me.” His eyes met mine then, and my breath caught in my throat. “Tony was screaming from the sidelines for you to get the hell out of there when those HYDRA agents were about to storm the base. But you grabbed my hand and insisted that you wouldn’t leave me behind.”

His eyes glazed over, shifting his reality to that moment. My fingers tightened against his hands, both flesh and vibranium, letting him know that I wouldn’t leave him behind in this moment, either. Showing what I couldn’t put into words.  

“I hadn’t done anything to prove to you that I could be trusted, and you were willing to lay your life on the line for me. You were the first one to speak to me after returning to the house. Other than Steve, you were the first one to make any effort to get to know me—the real me. James, not Bucky or The Winter Soldier.” His lips curved up in a genuine smile, one that crinkled the corners of his eyes and scrunched his nose and brought a pinch of color to his cheeks. Something that he didn’t show a lot. “You were the first one to call me out on my shit. Everyone else was too scared to even approach me.”  

The room was silent now, but a comforting silence, one that wrapped itself around us as we gazed out toward the ocean.

“I know I have a lot to make up for. Not just to Tony and the team, but to you.” I opened my mouth to argue, but he silenced me by pressing his lips to the corner of my mouth. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of love before I met you. The team—I've noticed most of them coming around, too. The other week, Clint was going on a supply run, and he asked me to come with him. I don’t think he had spoken to me more than a handful of times before that.”

“That was all you, Buck. The others are finally starting to see who you are in here,” I brought his vibranium hand in mine to tap against his heart. “Something they should have begun to do a long time ago.”

He settled into the chair on the veranda and pulled me tighter against his chest, his hair brushing against my cheek. I didn’t push it away. We sat like that, wound together in a comfortable silence, until the ocean breeze started to send a chill up my arm.  

“It’s nice,” he finally said, breaking the silence. “Feeling like I’m starting to belong somewhere. Like I have something to live for. Everyone from my past live, back in 1942—they're gone. Aside from Steve. I felt lost, for such a long time. Now it feels like the pieces are starting to fit together again—like I have people who love me in this life. Like I have a family.”

“You do have a family. We will always be there for you, whether you see it or not. And, though they may not say it, they love you. Almost as much as I do.” Laying my hand against his cheek, I gently turned his face to look at me, to recognize my words. I tapped against his heart—one-two-three, one-two. Grounding ourselves.  “I love you, James. For what’s in here. I always will.”

I take it he hadn’t heard those words enough; his eyes lit up, brighter than I had ever seen, and a soft smile slowly spread across his lips.  

“I love you, Laela.”

I’m not sure how long we laid in that chair, watching the tide crash against the rocks, my fingers tracing the grooves of his hand. All I remember is two arms, one flesh, one metal, hook under my legs and back and walk us back to the bed. I remember those same arms encircling me just moments later. I remember Bucky’s breathing slowing to a gentle brush against my neck as his snores softly echoed throughout the room.

I remember waking up before him the next morning and studying every line of his face, every divot of his vibranium arm, taking in every snore that escaped past his lips. I remember feeling love—his for me, and mine for him—all-encompassing in the quiet moments we had shared together.

Looking at him, finally comfortable in his own skin, relaxed in a way I knew he had never felt before, I knew I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

[actual-fucking-clown]

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

~

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this. 

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them. 

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems. 

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered. 

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough. 

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon. 

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown. 

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile. 

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it  but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless. 

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke. 

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent.  A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too. 

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I  don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

[umikawa]

this was written at 3/4 am...so sorry if it’s bad..

Semi Eita x Gn reader. Best friends to lovers except I cant write best friends to lovers properly. 1.4K words

Warnings: fifth-grade humor of laughing at poop. Cursing, I think. The tiniest smudge of angst. The ocean?

“It’s cold.” His face was scrunched up, nose red from the harsh wind.

You don’t look at him, staring down at the flower in your hands. “It’s the ocean, what did you expect?”

“Hot weather with hot babes!” He shouted, shoving his hands in his pockets. “No offense.”

“Why would I be offended, you’re not looking so hot right now.”

He smirks, tilting his head at you. “You think I’m hot?”

“Yes.”

He blinks at your blunt answer. Even though he had expected it, it caught him off guard. Mouth agape and the reddening of his cheeks not coming from the cold winds.

He zips his jacket up to his chin, putting the hood over his head. “Whatever, let’s just go somewhere else.”

You smile at his back, following after him. “Okay.”

The ocean trip became a regular thing, complaints spewed from his mouth multiple times yet, he never bothered to change the date you two would go. Always opting for that January day, never before, and never after.

“Eita, I’ve been meaning to ask something.”

His fingers stop strumming his guitar, the slight echo of the strings filling his ears as you looked at him. “What’s up?”

“Why this day?” He perks a brow at you, confusion etched over his face. “Sorry, I mean- we take this trip every year on the same day and I’ve always wondered why.”

He blinks, rubbing his cheek. “I actually don’t know. I just figured it’d be routine to do it, almost like a holiday.”

“Anniversary?”

He looks at you, your head tilted and he can feel a smile making its way to your face. “Yeah, an anniversary.”

A seagull passes above you, waves crashing against the shore. A splat resonates through the empty beach, stifled laughter coming from him before he bursts into a fit.

It was childish sure, laughing uncontrollably at the sound of droppings splattering against the pavement. But, the way his eyes are screwed tightly, how his arm clutches his stomach, and tears prod at his eyes. It’s all perfect.

He finds himself coughing a second later, his laughter dying down as he struggles to catch his breath, fanning at his eyes to dry the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

“Eita are you okay?” You ask him, rubbing his back.

He nods, reaching behind you for a water bottle, chugging down every last drop, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down with every sip. “Yeah, sorry I got too ahead of myself.”

“It was a bit childish.”

“Well, I’m sorry for having the humor of a fifth-grader.”

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

He blushed, yet another reoccurring thing that comes along with the trip, he always ends up blushing at something you’ve said.

“Shut up.”

And every time, he brushes it off as nothing despite the rapid beating in his chest.

-

“When are you gonna tell them.”

He jolts at the voice, looking to his left to see Tendou a little too close for comfort, staring at him like a fish out of water.

“What are you talking about?” He asks.

The red-head shoulders slumped, fingers rubbing his temple. “When are you gonna tell (Name)-Chan you’re in love with them?”

He blinks, the tips of his ears growing red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Oh, so you don’t like them? I guess I should tell Kenjiro, he’s been wanting to ask them out.” He says, waving with two hands as he exited the room, leaving Semi alone with his thoughts.

-

“You’re acting weird.”

He jolts at your voice, sheepishly smiling as he rubbed his neck. “I don’t know what you mean! I’m perfectly fine.” You stare at him, letting the silence overcome the two of you, sweat building on his forehead at your stare. “So did Shirabu talk to you about anything?”

You tilt your head at him, “what do you mean? Why would he talk to me outside of volleyball?”

He nods, it’s not like that second-year cared about anything other than grades and setting to Ushijima. “Oh sorry, I just thought he’d ask you about something.”

“Oh, that’s what this is about.” He looks at you, expectant eyes waiting for a response. “He didn’t know how to confess to the person he liked so he asked me for help,” you looked around you, leaning closer to him. “But don’t tell him I told you, he threatened to serve a volleyball at my head.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, at the threat and himself. He couldn’t believe he’d gotten so hung up on something that didn’t even happen.

He freezes, Tendou’s words filling his mind.

“When are you gonna tell (Name)-Chan you’re in love with them?”

Shit.

-

“Ei, I think I’m stuck.”

He looks around for you, not seeing you but he can still hear your grunts. “Where are you?”

“I’m down here!” He sees your hand poke out from a hole in the sand, the color draining from his face before he runs to you.

He lays on his stomach, looking down at you. “How’d you even manage this?”

“I got bored so I dug a hole.” You say, staring at the crab that had unluckily dug its way into the hole. “Save him Ei, he must return to the sea.” You said, holding the grab above your head as if it were a deity.

He snorts, picking the crab up from your hands. “You’re such a weirdo.”

You glance up at him, his cheeks burning when you puff out your cheeks at him. “Whatever, just help me out.”

He props himself up on his elbows, smiling down at you. “No, I think I’ll let you stay down there.”

“But Eita!”

“No buts.” He said, wagging his finger in the air. “Though, I must say,” he starts, tapping his chin. “If you are quiet for a couple of minutes and let me talk I’ll get you out.”

The word deal falls from your mouth in a snap and his heart pounds in his chest.

He’s quiet though, no words are coming from him but his mind is a jumbled mess, words popping up in his head a mile a minute but he doesn’t speak.

He’s scared.

Scared of losing his best friend. Scared of losing the person he’d cry to at night when the nightmares wouldn’t stop coming. Scared of losing the one who baked him cookies the first night he stayed in the dorms away from his parents.

Terrified of losing you.

“Eita?”

He looks down at you, concern written all over your face and you look around, trying to get out yourself so you can hold him, tell him he’s fine even if you’re the reason why.

Time stops, and the ocean crashes against the sand.

“I love you.” He says, and time begins again.

Your head feels foggy, the three simple words he’d uttered occupying the space in your heart.

Semi Eita loves you.

“In what way?” You ask, clutching the hem of your, no his jacket, blurred eyes looking at him.

“In the, I want to kiss you really badly and take you out on dates, show you off to my friends and classmates, kind of way.”

“You didn’t have to make it rhyme.” You say, wiping under your eyes. “I love you too.”

He beams for what feels like the first time in forever, cheeks tingling at the heat that rushes, as well as the stretch of his smile.

The weight in his shoulders fades when you smile back at him, pushing yet another crab out of the hole, wincing when it pinches you. He laughs at you, reaching down for your hand, pressing a feather-light kiss to the finger the crab pinched, watching you turn your head away from him.

He grins, picking up the tiny shovel you used to dig the hole you were trapped in, “Now, let’s get you out of there.”

Bonus!

“Gee (Name), I don’t know how you do this so easily.” Semi groaned, fist-pounding against his thigh. “Damn it burns like hell.”

“Eita, it’s just face wash.”

He sits up, accidentally hitting his forehead against yours, “Sorry! I’m so sorry!” He exclaims, fingers hovering over the spot. “Does it hurt? Do you need ice?”

“Eita.”

“What?”

“Kiss it better?” You ask, innocently smiling at him.

He stills, heat rushing from under his shirt, to the tips of his ears. A snicker comes from behind you, Tendou and Shirabu sharing a knowing look before whipping out their phones.

“Oh, (Name)-chan, mind moving to the right a little bit?”

[gumnut-logic]

Warnings: Angst and angry brothers.

-o-o-o-

With Scott on the other side of the planet, it was up to Virgil to chase up his brother. Unfortunately, John was not in any of the usual places he holed up in. Virgil even hiked all the way up to the observatory only to find it empty. It didn’t help that Scott had ordered him down for a mandatory break, especially so soon after the Eos Incident, as it had come to be known, but then Tracy Industries had called him off on some ‘urgent’ business and whatever Scott had planned for John had gone out the window.

A hurried ‘look after him’ before Scott boarded Tracy Two was all Virgil had to work with.

As if he’d do anything else.

Attempting to think like John and work out where he might have gone was a loss. Virgil had no clue how his brother’s mind worked. When they were kids, all the bolt holes in times of anguish were never what Virgil expected and this scenario was somewhat familiar. He just hadn’t had to follow the script for a while.

Eventually, he resorted to his own places of refuge and to his astonishment, found John lying on Virgil’s favourite beach. In the darkness, the volcanic sand ate light and his brother’s pale and shirtless form stuck out like it had its own light source.

John lay on his back, hands behind his head, staring up at the starlit night sky. He didn’t move as Virgil approached and sat down beside him.

“Took you a little longer this time.”

Virgil snorted. “It’s been a while. Nowadays it is much easier to corner you in your ‘bird.”

“I can spacewalk.”

A swallow. “I’d rather you didn’t.” Certainly not after recent events. The sight of his brother dying of asphyxiation was one he could have done without.

John didn’t comment. He didn’t need to. Scott had already raked him over the coals regarding Eos, the eldest brother absolutely terrified at how close it had been. It was actually probably a good thing TI had dragged him off the Island, come to think of it. Virgil frowned, the thought suddenly occurring that the timing was a little too convenient.

“Who did you bribe?”

“Didn’t bribe anyone. Just asked a favour. He needed a distraction before he blew a circuit.”

“He’s worried.”

“I know. He doesn’t need any more grey hairs.”

Silence fell for a moment. Virgil looked out at the ocean, the surface sparkling in the moonlight. “You scared all of us, you know.”

“I know, Virgil. I scared myself.”

“It’s Scott’s way of handling it.”

“Doesn’t mean he has to smother me or skin me alive.”

Virgil sighed. The brothers either side of him rarely butted heads, but when they did, those heads were made of dynamite.

“He finds out you used TI to get him off the Island he will skin you alive.”

“Better than him worrying that Eos will kill me in my sleep.”

Virgil turned to look at John. His brother’s eyes were still latched onto the stars. Virgil looked up, did the calculations, and...there she was, a pale dot in the sky, his brother’s ‘bird. “Do you think that’s a possibility?”

His brother didn’t answer immediately and that set Virgil’s hackles rising.

“What if it was a possibility?”

“What?”

Starlit eyes turned to Virgil. “What if she was capable of killing me?”

“John-“

His brother sat up abruptly. “She could, you know. At any time.”

“Shit, John.”

“So, do you think we should kill her because of that possibility?”

Virgil shivered as a breeze picked up and whipped across the beach, raising the hairs on his bare arms. “Her?”

The intensity of his brother’s expression bore into him. “Virg, she is alive.”

“How do you know that?”

John sucked his lips in and bit down. “I just know. She is so vibrant, so full of...life.” His brother gestured with his hands as if unable to find the right words.

The muscles across Virgil’s back tensed up. “She’s dangerous. She almost killed you.”

“I know that, Virgil!” It was shouted and John threw himself to his feet. Agitated and anguished he began pacing back and forth across the beach in a manner directly opposite to his usual calm demeanour. His footprints dug shadows into the sparkling sand.

Virgil pushed himself slowly to his feet. “What do you think we should do?”

“Scott wants her dead.”

“I didn’t ask what Scott wanted, I asked what you want.”

His brother stopped and stared. So slim, so pale and ghostly in the night, yet so his genius little brother. A moment of love for the man they had almost so recently lost sparked in Virgil’s mind. He could see where Scott was coming from. He himself would do anything to protect John.

But there were questions.

“Have you spoken to her?” John’s voice was soft against the surf muttering on the sand behind him.

Virgil straightened. “No.”

“You can’t decide without speaking to her, Virgil.”

He frowned. “I didn’t say I had decided anything.” Hell, it had been back to back rescues in the handful of days since and it was for only that reason that Scott hadn’t ripped his brother out of the sky earlier. Everyone had been on edge the entire time, worried about John.

Those shadowed eyes tracked across Virgil’s face. “You’ve decided. You want to kill her as much as Scott does.”

“Hey! You don’t get to tell me what I’m thinking. All I know is that a computer program attempted to kill three of my brothers and a very close friend. You are the only reason why Scott and Brains are alive. You nearly died. Alan is traumatised and not sleeping. And we all got front row seating as you closed your eyes for what could have been the last time! So yes, I am a little biased towards the negative side of this issue and I would have thought you might be able to see why.” He drew a breath, anger making it a hot one. “But it is not a black and white and I’m open to further information as I have always been. I trust your judgment and you are obviously willing to explore this further.” He swallowed. “Petulance doesn’t do you any favours.”

John was potential energy personified. His body vibrated in front of Virgil. His brother had never been one to express himself physically, more inclined to shed emotion with words.

“If you want to hit me, go ahead and try.”

That froze the man. The jittering stopped and John stared at him. “Why would I want to hit you?”

Virgil shrugged. “Works for Scott.”

“What? I’m not Scott.”

“You’d be surprised how similar you two can be at times.”

His frown deepened. “I’m not Scott.”

“But you are both Dad. Different, but you both inherited that temper of his.”

That stalled his brother out. Virgil sighed. “Look, I know you’ve grown attached to this program. Talk to me. Why should we not protect you with everything we have? What makes ‘her’ so special?” A pause. “Put yourself in Scott’s position, what would you do?”

John held his gaze a moment before turning away and looking out towards the ocean. “I’m not sure that is a fair question.”

Taking a few steps forward, Virgil came to stand beside his brother and joined him in staring out at the moonlit waves. “Why not?”

“Because the answer is obvious. I would protect you, him, my brothers.” An agitated hand gestured at random. “But he doesn’t have all the information.”

“What is he missing?”

John didn’t immediately answer and when he did, it was very quiet and barely heard above the surf. “Her.”

It came back to that. The moniker of ‘her’. “Tell me. What has you fixated?”

John turned to him and there was an energy in his eyes, a spark. “She is amazing, Virgil. She has personality. She passed the Turing Test on the first attempt and then asked me to do it to prove it was valid.”

That raised an eyebrow.

“After that she threw bagels at me just to see how I would react and then laughed at me. She laughed, Virgil. Do you realise the importance of this?”

Okay, he was an engineer, not a computer scientist, but it was rather obvious. “I do.” He tilted his head. “So, what do you think we should do?”

“I...” But his brother stopped, his hands falling to his side, his gaze turning back to the ocean. He breathed out a sigh.

“John?”

His brother reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. With a thumb, he flicked through several screens until he found what he wanted, activated it and held it up between them. “Eos?”

Virgil started, his eyes widening. The child like voice that answered sent a shiver of fear down his spine.

“Yes, John?”

His brother’s eyes latched onto Virgil, their shadows pinning him where he stood. “I have someone I would like you to meet.”

“Who?” Her tone was suspicious and, Virgil frowned, contained an element of fear.

“Eos, this is Virgil, my second eldest brother.”

There was silence a moment and Virgil swallowed. This was for John. “Hello, Eos.”

The program didn’t answer immediately. A wave slapped on the beach, louder than its predecessors and Virgil flinched.

“Hello, Virgil.”

He cleared his throat. “How are you?”

“Lonely. Can you tell the other one to let John come back? I’ve gotten used to having him to play with.”

Virgil’s eyes widened as he stared at his brother. The phone lit up his features, ghosting them in the darkness.

“Eos, we have spoken about this. There will be times I have to come down to Earth. You have plenty to amuse yourself with.”

The answer was a petulant whine. “But John, I’ve catalogued all the photographic data you gave me, plus I’ve scanned all the information you selected for me. I’m bored.”

“Then speak to Virgil.”

“I don’t want to speak to Virgil.”

The two brothers stared at each other.

“Why not?”

“He’ll be just like the other one. He’ll hate me. Everyone hates me.”

Virgil blinked.

John drew in a breath. “Eos, we’ve had this discussion. I don’t hate you.”

“But everyone else does. I didn’t know you were nice. You were chasing me and I had to defend myself. Now they hate me because of what I did to you.”

“They don’t hate you.”

“Yes, they do. They think I want to hurt you.”

“Do you?” John was still staring at Virgil.

“No! You’re funny.” She giggled and John frowned.

“I hope that’s not the only reason.”

“No.” Her voice sobered. “You said you would help me and you have. Please come back up and help me some more, I’m so bored.”

“You need to talk to Virgil.”

A pause. Her voice was cautious, her moods quicksilver. “Why?”

“Because he is important to me and interpersonal relations can help you.”

“How?”

“Building new relationships enriches life. You can learn from him.”

“Oh, okay. What should I say?”

“Tell him a bit about yourself.”

“I am Eos. I am the dawn.”

Yeah, that wasn’t a little creepy at all.

“Please elaborate, Eos. Perhaps tell him some of the things you like doing.”

“Oh, uh, I like predicting tri-body intersections on varied orbital paths. John and I have a competition and I’m winning.”

“What else?”

“John is teaching me chess. The mechanics are easy, but he keeps winning and I don’t know why. It is interesting to watch his reactions when I fail.”

“Eos, it is not failure. You are learning. It is a process.”

“It shouldn’t be taking this long. I have more resources than you, I think faster than you.”

“Not faster, different. You think in a different way to how I do.”

“Does Virgil think the same?”

“The biomechanics are similar, but the result is different. Why don’t you ask him a question?”

Virgil’s throat was dry. He was both fascinated and terrified of all the possibilities this conversation had offered. His back straightened as their attention once again turned to him.

“What should I ask him?”

“What would you like to know about him?”

“Oh, that’s easy. Virgil, do you want to kill me, too?”

-o-o-o-

Shooting Star

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

From Eden: One

Warnings: noncon sexual acts, mentions of mental illness; tags to be added throughout series

This is dark!Bucky. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: The mc suffers from agoraphobia. After a new neighbour moves in across the street, her home becomes even more of a prison.

Note: So I've decided to try something new. I'm hoping that you don't mind the new format. This story is written in first person in the form of diary entries. Transcripts will be included at the end of chapters to accomodate any who have issues reading the images.

I am still working on Omerta but chapter 12 is taking me a little bit longer to complete so hopefully this can tide you over until tomorrow. Thank you so much for your patience! And support!!

As always, if you are so inclined, please like, reblog, and comment. <3

Transcript:

Sunday

It rained today. I hoped it would break the humidity but the air is still balmy and thick. The garden is starting to droop without the usual June sunlight. The shrubs look healthy but I don’t know if the mums will bloom. It is late for them.

The windows are clouded now the rain is gone. Once they dry, it will be suffocating again. I should have pulled out the old patio set last weekend but Lorena was here for the groceries. My meds are running low, I’ll have to remind her.

Oh, I found the old afghan grandma used to use. The one with the knitted flowers. Not a single hole. I’ll wash it and hang it over the loveseat in the lounge. It still smells of her. It’ll be two years next week. I miss her.

The kettle is whistling. Lorena bought a new flavour of tea; a spiced rooibos. It smells more suited to the winter but I’m anxious to try. It’ll boil over if I keep writing. 

I found a documentary on a country house in the British Midlands. I might watch that with my tea. Or maybe fall asleep on the couch. Again.

Monday

I have a new neighbour.

Today, I went out to check the bulbs I planted two weeks ago. I don’t think they’ll bud. It was humid and I had sweat in my eyes as the large truck pulled up across the street. The orange moniker on its side was faded and its white paint was almost yellow. I peeked out the gate as they backed it up. 

The beeping was horrible, almost deafening.

A car was just behind it. I shouldn’t be so curious but grandma always said I was a watcher. Watching is easy; doing is… difficult. 

My new neighbour is a man. He has dark hair and a thick beard. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw the rest of him. His arm shone in the sunlight. It’s metal! I’ve never seen anything like it. I never saw a prosthetic that ended in anything but a hook or a blunt stump. I guess, I never really thought much about it.

I think he saw me too. It is hard to see behind the ivy that covers the front gate but I swore he could see me. I hid before I could make sure of it. It’s rude to stare. That’s what grandma would say. So went back to the flower bed and dug up the bulbs. They were dead.Lorena is coming tomorrow. I’ll ask her to grab more.

Tuesday

Lorena came buy today. She commented about my new neighbour. I acted surprised.

I gave her my list and reminded her of my pills. She was gone for a while before she returned. When she returned, I helped her bring in the bags. We unpacked them and she told me about her new niece; Cora. I think that’s a pretty name but Lorena thinks it’s too old fashioned. She said I would like it given my usual tastes. 

She asked if I was wearing grandma’s shirt. I lied and said I wasn’t.

I showed her the garden and she had some tea after helping me set up the heavy iron patio set with the mosaic tabletop. 

She showed me pictures of Cora. She said when she marries Shelby, she wants to adopt but her sister offered to be her surrogate. I thought that was nice.She left shortly after. I’m in the garden, staring at the old shed as I write. The frame around the window is starting to fall apart. I should fix it soon. And maybe clean the--

Later

The man was at the gate. The one with the metal arm. He scared me.

I hid behind the ivy as I looked out at him. His eyes are very blue. Piercing. Despite the heat, they made me want to shiver. His metal fingers wrapped around one of the curlicues of the gate. He said hello and that his name was Bucky.

I nearly swallowed my tongue as I ran away. I didn’t dare grab my diary until the sunset. He was gone, thank god. I hope he doesn’t come back.

Wednesday

Doctor Tisha called today. She wants me to come in at the end of the month to have my prescriptions reviewed. I told her they were helping much better than the old ones. No more vertigo or manic fits, but my dreams are really vivid. She also reminded me that I should make more of an effort to go beyond the garden. The pills can’t do all the work. Well, I think there are parts of me that just can’t be fixed.

I cleaned out the birdbath but the shed window is still drooping. There’s a spider web above the door and I’m working up the courage to open it. My grandma was always the brave one; she called her slippers ‘the exterminators’. She always made me laugh.

Then the man returned. His knuckles make an odd clinking on the gate when he knocks. I didn’t move at first. I’d rather have faced the spider and her web. But he kept on and it was getting rather annoying.

He pulled some of the ivy aside as I got close. I kept to the edge and peeked out at him. He held a box of freesias. 

“Hey again.” 

 He speaks as if he knows me. I don’t like that. He didn’t even care that I didn’t answer. 

“I see you like to garden so I thought I’d bring you some flowers. To introduce myself…. Better. I’m sorry if I scared you yesterday.”

I didn’t know what to say. The freesias were all shades of red, orange, and yellow. Young with a bit of growing still to do. I shook my head.

“You don’t want them?” He asked.

I frowned so hard it hurt my cheeks. I haven’t talked to anyone by Lorena or Doctor Tisha since grandma died. I was never good at that.

“No, I don’t know you.” I felt as if it was someone else talking.

He blinked and I suddenly felt very dizzy. I ran back to the shed and ripped the door open without thinking. The web caught in my hair as I slammed it shut behind me. I sat in the shadows as I tried to wipe away the web. The old rubbermaid lid warped beneath me, if not cracked. 

 I didn’t come out until the musty air made me sick. As I ran into the house, I noticed he had left the flowers on the other side of the gate. I locked the door behind me and shuddered. I swore I felt eight legs crawling down my arm.

Thursday

Sure enough, the flowers are still there. They haven’t wilted at all despite the intense heat of the sun. June is in full effect and the days get brighter and longer. 

 I found the old weather vane grandma said was swept away in a storm. It was hidden behind the row hedges along the stone wall around the yard. It’s bent but fixable.

 I went inside to eat at noon. I looked out the window as I ate; the strawberries were sour. I saw a shadow through the gate. I watched for a while, sure it was the shifting of the sun. Then I saw the metal fingers and the man’s square jaw as he tried to see past the ivy. He knelt and touched the dainty petals of the freesia. He lifted one of the small pots to sniff and placed it back in the box.

He left shortly after. I won’t go back out. I need to work on the house anyway. All this dust is making me sneeze.

Friday

The flowers are still there.

I refuse to look at them. Instead I focus on my own. I brought the old sony tape deck out to listen to the radio. Grandma always said it was older than me. I believe her. The speakers crackle and the antenna kept falling off.

The robins and sparrows were at the birdbath and a pair of cardinals have taken up in the old painted birdhouse around the back. The squirrels broke the window frame on the shed. Well, I’ll deal with that next week.

The flowers are starting to bloom nicely. I thought they might not, given the late showers and the sudden drought. 

There was a monarch butterfly by the carnations. It flew away before I got too close. My mother liked monarchs. I remember she had one framed in her room. Like the picture of her in grandma’s.

I try not to think of her. Or grandma, too much. 

It makes me sad. Doctor Tisha says this isn’t grandma’s house anymore, it’s mine. My life is mine, she tells me. It’s never really felt like it but I’m trying.

Saturday

The lock on the gate is broken and the flowers are gone. They didn’t go far. I found them planted by the lilies. I had tears in my eyes and my hands shook terribly as I wound an old bike lock around the gate. I picked up the pieces of the old latch. It’s totally ruined.

I haven’t been out since. I’m scared. Was it him? 

It seems like a kind gesture but the memory of the busted lock makes me think otherwise.I’m confused. What does he want?

He should’ve let the flowers wilt and die. Or maybe I should just learn to tell people to leave me alone. Out loud.

[seeminglyseph]

So… here’s my Rainbow High shoes not currently on doll feet.

I swear I am really starting to chill out. Sometimes I have high impulse shopping episodes… I am starting to grasp the like… “okay seph this is out of control and you need to chill out before you end up with debt you can never pay off”

There’s another thing I wish I could gfm over “hi I think I had a manic episode and dug myself in a hole help”

I feel like I should try getting commissions to pay it off but I’ve barely had the strength to draw for fun. The reason I’m on disability is ‘cause I’m too disabled to work. Sometimes it’s hard to get it through my head that like… yes, even I, lowly being that I am, don’t have ‘yeah but it doesn’t count for me’ clause that means somehow despite having a disability I have to be able to function like a fully healthy person and that when I don’t it’s that I’m lazy. I’m not capable of doing commissions right now, that’s the truth of it. Tearing myself apart for not doing something I can’t do isn’t helpful…

This is why journaling can be so important sometimes you can talk yourself into realizing you’re being an idiot.

[marcykinsmaki]

Since you write for all games can you write a s/o who at first couldn’t stand byakuya, mondo, kazuichi, and fuyuhiko but they comfort the s/o after a trial and they go from rivals to friends to lovers <3? Up to you if the guys disliked the s/o at the beginning too! If that’s too many characters the ones that really matter to me are byakuya and kazuichi! Thank you!!

HEYYYYY IT’S FINALLY DONE AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAANDAMDALKMDWAD cough cough cough. anyway. i only wrote byakuya because this piece is almost 5k words i hope you like it please love it anyway here it is.

Byakuya Togami x Reader.

Words: 4,365 (long)

CW: Mentions of suicide, heavy angst in the beginning, some suggestive moments.

Rating: Mature

--

You have to be kidding. This can’t be real. I thought he was bad before, but this? This is an entirely new low. He’s a jerk, a complete asshole who does nothing but make everything harder for everyone and laugh in our faces about it. Saying shit to hold us back, to make us confused and scratch our heads while he holds something we don’t. But messing with a body. A dead person’s corpse, for the sake of what?

“The motive of my actions is irrelevant.” I stared at him with a gaping jaw. “The thing we should be doing is figuring out the true killer. We know it isn’t Genocide Jack and now we know that it isn’t me.” Like that makes me feel better. He looks over to me, the sting of tears growing behind my sinuses. “Please, Y/N, keep yourself together. You’re going to catch flies if you keep that mouth open so wide.” He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and my hands grip themselves into tight fists, my body shaking with rage.

“Y/N, it isn't worth getting angry at.” Kyoko interrupts me before I could do something. “I think we’re all upset at this reveal, but we have to continue. It was an intrusion that no longer stands in our way. Let’s continue.” She replied before continuing on.

Eventually, Mondo slipped. Makoto caught his lie and called him out. The rest of the trial was a haze. We all watched Mondo get strapped to the motorcycle, ride into the cage and eventually come out as… that. Some sick fucking joke that is. We all stood after, looking at each other as we tried to hold ourselves together.

“Chihiro was a good person.” I finally broke the silence. They all looked to me. My eyes were locked onto the floor. I couldn’t stand to face anyone. “He didn’t deserve someone like you to be touching him and moving around his body so we could all get slaughtered for your stupid half second decision. And for what?” I muster up the courage to face him. “What was running through your head that this was a good idea? You know that you would’ve died, too. You’re all for other people speaking on your behalf or whatever stupid thing you have going on,” I began to step forward towards him. “, whatever God complex you fucking deal with. You are so far up your own fucking ass that you were willing to drag us all down for your dedicated fanboy shit? You hate when people mess around like low lives yet you built your own coffin, dug your own grave, locked yourself in your stupid little box, and buried yourself.” I eventually was face to face with him. The room was still silent. Even Monokuma didn’t say anything. Byakuya stared at me with the same unnerving judgemental gaze he held for everyone. “Stop circle jerking with yourself and get with the fucking program. People’s lives are at stake here, Byakuya. Take a drill and screw that into your head. I’ll even do it for you if you need help, because obviously you can’t see that we’re all hurting. I know you don’t give a rat’s ass, but you are a fucking asshole. And I hope one day that big ass ego dildo falls out of your gaping rectum.” I spat at him, turning and exiting the trial room. He looked disgusted by the time I turned to walk away, the silence failing to fall again as I walked out, tears streaming down my face and the pain in my chest and throat from the stress of this all finally settling in. I began to sob as I walked out and straight to my dorm. Chihiro was a good friend. He didn’t deserve this bullshit. I felt bad that Mondo died and his trauma or whatever, but Chihiro was just an innocent boy in a killing game that he didn’t deserve to be in. None of us deserved this. I found myself in my room eventually, the hallway down to my room seeming smaller than normal. I swing my door open, slamming it shut behind me and locking it. I quickly approach my bed, my body breaking down as I fall onto the mattress. My chest hurts from the sobbing, tired and exhausted from the excuses. My hearing diminishes and I relax, falling into a deep sleep.

“Y/N? … Y/N.” I hear a soft voice calling out to me. I slowly come-to and my eyes flutter open. A soft hand is on my back. My eyes fix to the figure standing in front of me. Hina. “Hey, you’re awake! Thank goodness, I’ve been standing here for like 10 minutes trying to wake you up.”

“Oh.. hey, Hina. Sorry, I guess I was just really tired.” I slowly sit up, looking up to her. She shrugs with a big smile on her face.

“No biggy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. New floor opened up and we were all waiting for you, but no one wanted to check… just, you know.” She shrugs.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. Sorry, again. I’ve just been stressed lately.” Pain settles in my throat, a hand raising to rub my neck.

“Will you plebians please hurry up?” A familiar voice sounds from behind Hina. I notice my door is open now, my eyes shooting up and Hina turning to see… Byakuya. We stand in tense silence for a few moments. “Don’t stare at me like dead fish, hurry the Hell up so we can get this done and stop being lazy.” He calls out to us again from my door, staring me down with an intense gaze before turning to leave us alone again. Hina turns back to me.

“Jeeze, I hate him so much.. Why is he always like this? Can’t he just be a team player for once?” She huffs. “Anyway, let’s hurry up so you can eat something. Not good to explore on an empty stomach!” She holds a hand towards me with a smile. I nod, reaching up to her and helping myself up, still in my clothes from yesterday and not bothering to change. Doesn’t seem to bother either of us.

--

After getting something to eat, I walk up to the next floor, reassuring Hina that I’ll be fine on my own after several minutes, watching her leave with Sakura. I began to walk out on my own, looking around and passing a random hallway I’ve yet to explore as I feel someone grab my arm and pull me aside, putting a hand over my mouth and nose, holding me close to them in silence. I struggle, and feel a hand grab onto my hips. My cheeks heat up.

“Quit struggling. It’s only me.” A calm, yet annoyingly familiar voice sounds out again. Byakuya. I quickly stop, my heart still racing. He can’t kill me now.. Way too early. He peels off his hands from my body. I quickly turn around with rage.

“What the Hell was that for, asshole?!” I retaliate. He chuckles a bit, only making me angrier.

“Keep that vulgar language out of your mouth. It doesn’t suit you, ruins your face.” He teases. I’m so confused, why is he acting like this? “My motivations for doing that isn’t important. What we should be doing is exploring the rest of the floor.” He nods, walking away as if nothing happened. I shake my head, trying to make some sort of excuse, turning the corner to give him a piece of my mind. But before that happens, he’s already too far gone for the effort to be worth it. I sigh to myself, just continuing forward and searching. I mean, what… what? Why? Suddenly he’s being all handsy with me, giving me no reason? Wonder what happened the last time he said that. Whatever.

--

Another body. Another trial. Jesus. My heart drops to my stomach. I was never really close with the two of them, but you can’t help but feel bad that after all that chasing and that fiasco that this is the outcome. A frown finds its way to my face. I feel someone tap on my shoulder. 

“Y/N. You will be accompanying me on my investigation.” Byakuya spoke behind me. I could feel his presence suddenly get closer to me, instinctively turning and backing away. He has a smirk on his face. “I’m not taking no for an answer, so wipe that petty look off of your face, Y/N. Please.” I immediately shake my head a little in disbelief.

“What?”

“What do you mean what? You’re going to be conducting the investigation with me. Now.” He refused to explain further, as always. I’ve gotten used to this, but him saying the word please. I never knew it was part of his vocabulary voluntarily. I follow behind towards the first body, my heart beating in a way I never knew it could before. At least, not for someone like this. I must be going crazy. I must be hearing things. Someone pinch me. “Hello? Must you be incompetent right now? We have a case on our hands and we need to finish it, L/N.” He almost snarls at me. I roll my eyes and join him, a smirk taking over his face for a split second only he and I could see. I feel the same invasive heat flooding my cheeks, unable to stop the red blush filling my face afterward. I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay? You look really…. Red.” I hear Aoi speak behind me. “Are you hot-”

“No, Asahina, they’re coming with me. Thank you very much, I can assure you that they are fine.” Byakuya interrupts her. She huffs towards him, puffing her chest out with dominance.

“Whatever. Please stay safe around him, Y/N. He can be… dangerous. I don’t trust him that much.” Hina looks to me with a concerned expression.

“I can handle myself, don’t worry. I won’t let him do anything.” I reassure her. She smiles and nods, as I return to Byakuya’s side. I feel like a damn puppy, walking by his side and coming to his beck and call.

“Well? Get to work. I don’t want to be here long.” He speaks softly to me. My body stiffens, nodding as I go down and begin my investigation. The rest of this goes on in silence, his eyes burning holes into the back of my head. It sent chills down my spine when I would look up to him from the ground, which he actually made me do, but was completely unnecessary. He just looked me up and down, and shrugged, every single time I asked if I was done. He physically would not let me leave. I never understood why he did that, and I don’t think I ever will, but eventually, we had succeeded, a wide smile on my face from finishing.

“Finally! God, I thought I’d be on the floor all day.” I sighed, joining Aoi and Sakura’s side, which I had made good friends with by now, being a kind of trio at this point since the first trial. But before I could join them, to our collective dismay, Byakuya cleared his throat.

“I didn’t say you could leave.” He kept his eyes off of us, refusing to look at me, having this long look of betrayal on his face. I sighed.

“Sorry, Hina; Sorry, Sakura, he’s been like this since the investigation.” I apologized profusely, the two looking at Byakuya intensely as I joined his side. He looks over at me one last time before we all went onto the elevator, going down to the trial room.

--

The trial was long, and the execution was brutal. Kinda funny, but brutal. I quickly join Aoi and Sakura after, Byakuya giving me a dirty look. I shrug it off, joining the girls for some quick after-execution down time, Aoi quickly suggesting donuts and tea,  Sakura making sure she doesn’t go overboard, knowing how she can get with this stuff. We laugh at each other, and I swear I see someone out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head, and in a split second they’re gone. But I’m used to seeing things after stuff like this, just my brain messing with me.

... Right?

Later that night, I returned to my room after about an hour of talking out our feelings with the other two. I’m just hanging out, resting my eyes until I drifted off, only to be interrupted by my doorbell ringing. I sat up, stretching a little, scratching my head and approaching the door. I open the door, and it’s suddenly flung open, which makes me step back in defense.

“Don’t fret, it’s only me. You should really be more careful of who you open the door for, I could have been a wild maniac coming to rip your throat open.” He makes his way into my room, without even asking. Which for him is in character, of course. I groan, rolling my eyes all the way back into my head, hoping they’d stay there. “Oh come now, don’t act like you aren’t surprised.”

“Trust me, Byakuya, I’m not, now what do you want?” I close the door behind him, staring at him with intense fury. 

“I’m here to propose something.” He turns to me, arms crossed against his broad chest. I sigh, shifting my weight to one leg, my eyes now being washed over with exhaustion.

“What.” The words fell out of my mouth carelessly.

“I wish to form an alliance with you.” My eyes widen. The same smirk returns from before. He knows how to get under my skin. He began to approach me, slowly. I back up at the same pace.

“An alliance?” I tilt my head a little. He nods.

“You help me in my every day life, like an assistant, and you help me during investigations,” He continues towards me, me not paying attention as I suddenly feel the heel of my foot against the door. We were already at a distance, him continuing his approach silently, and soon getting close enough to where he places a hand next to my head. “, and then I’ll gift you with certain information and grace you with my presence and willing conversation.” He speaks in a lower tone now, a rasp in his voice and rumble in his chest I’ve never heard before brushes against my ears. The unwelcome yet obscenely familiar warmth comes to my cheeks. He chuckles, bringing a hand and brushing some hair that’s sitting in front of my face. “Do you think you can do that for me, Y/N?” I squint up at him, trying to think of a way to escape. He looks at me with some tone under his eyes that I can’t read. After a few passing moments, I finally answer.

“Fine. Yes, whatever, can you leave me and take your weird antics with you?” I spat. He squints.

“Be ready to get up earlier. When you serve me, you must address me as Mr. Togami. Otherwise, you can just call me Byakuya. Please present yourself nicely, you are beginning to represent me, now, so your expectations are even higher coming from me.” He assures me, finally letting me go, backing up so I can step away from the door. I quickly grab the handle, opening the door oh-so-graciously for him. “Be up by 7, at least. And be in the cafeteria by 8 to 8:30. Sharp. I don’t tolerate tardiness.” He nods, exiting finally. I slam the door behind him, grunting loudly to myself. Thank whatever God is watching over me that these walls are soundproof.

--

8 a.m. came faster than I wanted it to. I was up by 7, out of the shower by 7:15, ready by 7:45. I arrived earlier than expected, Byakuya looking up to me in the cafeteria from the open book in his hands, us being the only ones in the room. I approach nervously, hoping this is up to his expectations. Why is my heart beating so fast for a man that doesn’t give half a damn?

“Good morning.” I fill the open air. He looks back down to his book. I squint at him. “Good morning.” I repeat. I’m confused. I stand staring down at him, and after a good while I finally realize what I’m missing. “Good morning, Mr. Togami.” I force, rolling my eyes. He frowns into a disappointed look.

“Finally. Good morning to you, too. Watch your tone next time.” He snaps back at me. “Do you know how to make coffee?”

“Kinda.” I shrug. He sighs.

“Thank God they are competent enough to give us the proper technology for it to be easy. Go and figure it out. Keep it plain black. No creamer, no sugar.” He doesn’t look back at me. I make myself keep up the tolerating demeanor. I approach the kitchen and finally manage to make something. I bring it back and hand it to him. I see him mumble something before he takes a sip. I cross my fingers, not wanting to deal with his whining.

“Not bad. Go fix something, the others will be here in about an hour and I don’t want to be here for it. We’ll be off after we eat.”

I make myself some breakfast and finally get to sit and eat, finishing before the others get here as to not piss Byakuya off more than he already is this morning. I put our dishes away and return to him, as we retreat to the library.

“Mr. Togami?” I decided to comply to his commands for now, it’s easier for him to respond to me. Ego.

“Yes?” I hear a pleased twang in his voice. It strikes me surprised.

“Why am I doing this again?”

“Doing what?” He doesn’t look back at me as I walk behind him.

“This whole thing. Getting up at 7 in the morning, dressing up all nice, addressing you as Mr. Togami, being your servant? Is this really all necessary for an alliance if all you’re going to do is sit there.”

“I know things you do not, being the head of the Togami Corporation. You will sit there and be pretty for me and do as I say,” The pretty part made my heart skip a beat. God, we’re barely two hours into this and I’m already catching feelings for a spoiled brat. “, and I will assist you during investigations and let you in on bits of information.” He nods, swinging the library door open, failing to hold it open for me as I catch the door before it closes on me. I quickly follow behind, as he reaches down for a book sitting neatly next to a chair already pulled out by a random desk. “Glad we’re on the same page now. You’re free to do as you wish in here.” He looks up to me for a split second as he sits in the chair, crossing his leg and the air around us is still with silence much more. I sigh quietly, rolling my eyes internally as we spend a majority of our day in the library.

--

The next days are mostly the same. I started to read new books and would run small errands for him. I would try to make small conversation, but not a lot worked. He’d smirk at some of my jokes (that he tried to mask), and reply sometimes, but he wasn’t a very social person anyway. Another body discovery passed, and it was heart wrenching. This investigation was more painful than the others, seeing one of my close friends pass away right under my nose. And for Aoi for be lying for her? Behind my back? I get she’s as upset as me, and we don’t have to experience another execution, but it… gets under my skin more than I expected. Aoi looks to me with sorrow after the trial, but I just shake my head as I exit the room with teary eyes. I’m backstabbed… again? Twice, in the same day? They explicitly kept it a secret from me. Why? I shut out Aoi’s voice behind me. I stormed to my room, slamming and locking the door behind me as I enter. It’s been a long day. Byakuya’s been giving me shit all day for not being fast enough. Sorry I didn’t know Sakura killed herself, asshole. I flopped onto my bed. The only thing that kept me safe during these times. I had a moment or two to relax and let myself cry before I heard my doorbell ring.

“What.” I call out carelessly.

“Do you think you should be talking to me like that?” Byakuya speaks from behind my door. I know that tone, so I push myself up and open the door for him and let him into my room, but he stands there. “Well?”

“Do you think you should be talking to me like that?” Byakuya speaks from behind my door. I know that tone, so I push myself up and open the door for him and let him into my room, but he stands there. “Well?”

“No. Sorry, Mr. Togami.” I mock. He shrugs and enters.

“Good enough. Sit.” He pulls up a chair and places it next to my bed. He sits on the chair, waiting for me. I sit on my bed, looking up to him with puffy and teary eyes.

“Why are you here.” I stress.

“Because Aoi is whining to me about how bad she feels for lying to you. She begged me to come in here and convince you since I’m the only person I’ve let you see. She said I’m your friend for whatever reason.” He shakes his head. I keep my eyes on him as he speaks. “Anyways, can you please take care of her? She’s pacing all throughout the hallway for no reason. I’ll be waiting in here.” He leans back, waiting for my departure. I stare at the door, slowly pressing myself towards it and opening it, looking past it to find Aoi. She turns to me with a broken smile, tears falling down her tan cheeks. She sniffles.

“Hey.” She speaks to me silently. Almost in a whisper.

“Hey.” I return it.

“I’m really sorry, but I couldn’t tell you. I promised her. And I know it would have gotten us killed and you all would have suffered, but she was hurting being here. I hope you can forgive me.” She looks at me with glassy eyes, puffy from crying. I stand there for a moment.

“Yeah, sure. I’m sorry for flipping out on you instead of listening to you.”

“Hug?” Aoi began to open her arms for a hug. I nod, walking to her and hugging her tight. She whispered into my ear lowly. “You know, I think Byakuya has a crush on you or something. Or maybe he’s obsessed.” She giggles. The same nervous feeling returned to my heart. I shake my head.

“Absolutely not. What makes you even think-”

“Maybe the fact that he treats you nicer than the rest of us. Has more patience with you. Speaks to you in a less serious tone. Actually talks to you for more than 5 words without insulting you. Wants to spend time with you a lot. I don’t know, I’m just saying, maybe you should think about it being a possibility.” She shrugs, pulling back to look at me with a glint of hope in her eyes.

“Hmmm, let me think about it; a big ego-centric dude with daddy’s money and balls big enough to lie to his classmates whos lives are in danger. No thank you.” I pull away completely now, smiling. She smiles back.

“Oh come on. I don’t like the dude that much, sure, but it’s super obvious. The way he looks at you, it’s insane. Now go on, your prince charming is waiting, Y/N~” Hina winks, turning and walking back off to her room. I shake my head, returning to Byakuya in my room. He’s sitting in the same position as last time.

“Welcome back. I’m assuming it went well.” He stood, approaching me. Maybe too close. Hina can’t be serious..

“Yeah. We made up and stuff.” I nodded, crossing my arms.

“I’m sure you did. Same time tomorrow, Y/N. And please, call me Byakuya now. You’ve graduated from Mr. Togami.” He walks by me to the door. My jaw drops, turning to watch him.

“Oh wow, thank you so much, Mr. Togami, how can I ever repay you for such a lovely promotion. I have been training so hard for this my entire life. I am eternally grateful.” I stare into the back of his head. I swear I hear a chuckle before he walks out of the door, softly closing it behind him… that’s new. I shake off the thought by moving before it could even come to me. Exhaustion catches up to me, and I yawn as I sleep to the next day.

--

A.N.// I got really lazy. I’ve been writing this for weeks and I’m exhausted. So sorry I didn’t write more friendship content but I wanna keep this moving so here we go.

--

The biggest trial of our lives come. Junko Enoshima herself has revealed herself to us. She’s even more egotistical than Byakuya, and that’s saying something. She parades herself around like her shit doesn’t stink and basically blames this killing game on us. Which is entirely untrue, no matter how she words it. But after a good while of debating, looking between all of my friends, and determination to survive, we persevere through her antics and take her down, leaving us only to leave to the outside world that awaits us, no matter how fucked it may be.

“Finally, I never thought we’d make it this far..” Aoi sighs, the final seven of us approaching the gate.

“Seriously, I thought we were toast back there…” Yasuhiro’s still a little shaky from it all.

“Well, we’re here now and we’re finally escaping, so let’s focus on that first. Y/N, come, please.” Byakuya adds, only to look at me. Toko is giving me the death glare. If looks could kill. I turn to Byakuya and approach him. He’s looking back at me to someone. I try to look back, but before I can he grabs my chin and guides my face to his, pressing a kiss to my lips. A deep, unexpecting one, in fact. I can feel the smile on my lips, the same mischievous smile he’s always held. I slowly return it, and Toko’s now screaming up a storm as Aoi holds her back.

“Don’t worry! Totally not saving your guts right now! Just forget about me!” She sighed frustratedly, Toko crying her head off. We finally part, my chest pounding away like a heavy drum as he stares into my eyes.

Byakuya Togami, an ego-centric asshole who kisses people to overwhelm them when he has feelings for them he won’t admit to himself. What an enigma of a man.

//

OKAAAAYY OH MY GOD IT’S FINALLY DONE. thank you so much for your request!

[ultimaterealmofchaos]

i also want to apologize as well as explain the circumstances for not being here and basically not existing for so long

honestly, it’s entirely my fault, i’ve dug myself a hole that i seemingly can’t get out of. no, nobody else is involved, and this isn’t a callout except for myself and my own mental state lol

i’ll elaborate below.

unfortunately, life has been rather difficult as of late for me. what’s wild is that nothing bad is actually happening, but my job has basically been driving me into the ground both physically and mentally, and everything else has suffered because of it. it’s gotten so bad that i’ve had multiple breakdowns over the past few weeks, and most recently i’ve taken another day off my schedule for availability, giving myself three days off a week instead of two. but, basically, i feel like all my creativity has been killed recently, and i despise it. i’ve just been. honestly, really struggling lately. but i don’t want to bring anyone down because of it, so i haven’t really spoken about it to anyone. which. i suppose doesn’t really help me, but it helps others, so it’s okay.

another thing is really specific to just me, and it’s very important that i emphasize first that i do not blame anyone for it except myself. i do not believe in trying to control others in the rp sphere, or any sphere, really. but. unfortunately, i find it really difficult to rp outside of my own fandom? i have no idea if that makes any sense or not, but like. i have trouble rping with muses that aren’t from the same source material or series as my own. and i have no idea why, honestly, but it’s really difficult for me. plus, i have my own trauma from past experiences, suddenly losing close partners out of the blue because they decided that they didn’t want to write in the fandom anymore, which... well, of course, it’s their own choice, and i’m not going to talk shit on them or anything for that, but, unfortunately for me, that included the total cessation of speaking to me completely, even ooc. which. i am a sensitive girl with really bad rejection sensitive dysphoria, which again i am not blaming anyone for except myself, but it hurt me very intensely whenever this happened (it’s happened more than once). so now i’m automatically paranoid and afraid of it happening again when my friends/partners jump fandoms, even if they don’t actually intend to stop speaking to me. listen, i don’t know where i’m going with this now that i’m reading it again, but... i feel like the danganronpa rpc is dying out a bit, and i didn’t want to feel abandoned here because i love writing in it so much.

so, what did i do? while everyone else went to genshin impact, i went to five nights at freddy’s,  because i’m not into genshin impact -- but again, i don’t fault anyone who is; we all have our own likes and interests and that’s valid -- since i started playing security breach and now run a blog in that rpc as well as this one. but that community is small too, so... yeah. idk y’all.

i just. i know while this all explains stuff, it doesn’t excuse it. and i’m not asking for excuses. i’m not asking for sympathy, or pity, or anything like that. i understand if you don’t wish to see me on the dash anymore, and it’s okay. you do what you feel is best for you, as long as you aren’t harming yourself or anyone else.

i’m sorry.

if you’ve read this far, kudos to you, because goddamn i don’t shut up. and please take care of yourselves, because you deserve it. and i still support all of you. <3

[bruh--wtf]

A Message

Thomas x Reader

Summary: The reader goes through the Maze trials with a message, but she has no idea who it's from. That is until he enters the maze. And he helps them get out.

Main Masterlist

Part 3

Previous Next

Maze Runner Masterlist

Warning: Spoilers obviously. This is based on the first movie. I don't know why you're reading this is you haven't seen the movie, but yeah, that's the warning.

You woke up gasping for breath in the cage. You felt the grate making indents in your palms. You were moving quickly and you were shaking. When the box came to a jarring stop you collapsed to the ground. Your eyes were wide and you couldn't remember your name. You couldn't remember anything.

You heard metal moving and looked up to see metal doors opening above the box. You shakily stood up, pushing the metal up and climbing out. The doors slammed back down as you looked around. You flinched, and looked around. You saw walls surrounding a large field. There were some trees but nothing much.

You looked below you at the boxes that were inside the grate. You opened the doors and went back inside. You dug through the few boxes. There was maybe one change of clothes and food. Seeds, and water. You looked up trying to figure this all out. It made no sense to you. Where were you? Why were you here? Why were you alone? Who were you?

You opened the last box, finding just more seeds. But in the middle there was a book. You froze, confused.

"The Lord of the Flies"

You opened the cover up to see handwriting.

I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you. Trust me.

-Thomas

You froze. It felt wrong to have this. It must have been hidden for a reason, right? You definitely weren't supposed to have this. You looked up, putting the book back down and covering it up. You brought all the boxes out of the grate and thought about going back inside. Maybe it would go back down. But what if it didn't?

You closed the grate doors and soon the metal doors followed. You quickly scrambled back. The sun was dimming when you looked up.

You looked around at the walls surrounding you. You saw an opening and ran over. You hesitantly walked inside. You could take two different ways.

You found ivy covered walls and started climbing. But it was getting dark and you slipped. You landed on your back and groaned. It was high enough to really hurt you, but it still made you sore. You started walking back to the field and saw the opening when a loud groaning sound came from the walls. You froze for a second and when the walls started to close you broke into a sprint. The walls started to close around you. Just after you slipped out, the doors closed. You fell onto the ground. You let out a breath, rolling over and laying on your back.

"Nothing bad, huh?" You say to yourself. You lick your lips, and after a few minutes you stood up, you traced your hand over the small crack that went up the wall. You saw a small hole in the wall and walked over to it. You traced your hand over it, and tried to look inside. You recognized the plastic feeling and knit your brows. You pressed your ear to it and heard a mechanic movement. You quickly took a step back when the walls made noise again. You were confused. And it was getting cold. You bit your lip and walked over to the small wooded area.

You collected a bit of wood, and leaves, and a couple rocks. You walked to a sandy bit and let out a breath. You sat down, barely managing to light the fire. Keeping it up was another story. You stayed awake that night. You were completely exhausted, but when the sun rose you heard the walls moving again.

You walked over to the walls opening and soon enough, you were walking inside. You recognized that the walls only opened when the sun was out. You tried to go back to the ivy wall but couldn't find it. It was like the walls had been shuffled. You somehow manage to find another ivy wall and start climbing. You make it to the top of a short wall, only for others to be taller. You let out a frustrated breath.

"Damnit!" You yell, crouching down and your head falls back against one to the taller walls. You close your eyes for a minute, just trying to remember something. Anything. Then it comes to you. Your name. "Y/N." You smile slightly and stand up. "Yes!" Maybe it just took time to remember things. Everything would come back eventually. That gave you a little bit of hope. You looked over and saw another wall not to far away. You started running and managed to catch yourself on the wall. You climbed up on the slightly higher wall. You looked around. Your could see a couple rows of walls, but one thing was very clear. It was a maze. And it would be hard to figure it out.

You looked around frustratedly. You jump back over after a little while and climb back down the ivy.

It took a month. But you hadn't remembered anything else. You had a sort of shelter built for yourself. But nothing good. Most of the time your were in the maze. And at night you'd read the book. Over and over again. You tried planting the seeds, and they were slowly growing but it wasn't your best spot.

Just as you were about to go into the maze you heard the box again. Your eyes widened and you ran over. You watched the doors slide open and you quickly opened the grate. You saw more boxes and a terrified looking boy. He had darker skin, and short hair. You jumped into the box, looking at him.

"Who are you? Where am I?" He asks. You shrug.

"I don't really have a name for the place. But I'm Y/N." He stares at you and scrambles up. You grab a box and quickly climb out of the grate.

"I-I don't know my name," he says. You look at him and think for a second.

"I didn't either. But it came to me. So, it'll probably come to you, too," you say. He swallows and looks at the boxes. He grabs a couple and climbs out.

"What do you know?" He asks. You nod towards the opening of the maze.

"We're stuck here. I've been trying to find a way out for a month. But the maze changes every night," you say. He stares at you as you walk towards the small crappy shelter you have built.

"You've been here for a month?" He asks. You nod.

"Yeah. I have. You're the first person I've seen," you admit. He puts the boxes down and follows you as you go to grab more boxes.

"So... we're alone here?" He asks. You nod, pulling more boxes out of the grate. He points to it. "Why don't we just ride back?" He asks. I look at it.

"I don't know. I haven't tried. The last time it came up, I was in it. So, I guess it only comes up with new people in it," you say. He scoffs and hops back in. He pulls the boxes out and you pull them to the side.

"Close it. Lets try." You think for a second before closing the metal doors and stepping back. This time it doesn't close up. It stays put. You sigh.

"It won't work. It goes back down instantly," you say. He sighs as you open the grate back up. He climbs back out.

"So, who put us here?" He asks. You shrug.

"No clue. But at least now I know I'm not alone," you say, nudging his shoulder and grabbing a box. He looked like he was thinking but grabbed a couple boxes and followed.

Alby. His name is Alby. It came to him that night. He worked on the shelters. They got a little better. Better than what you made. He went into the maze with you a few times, but also helped with the garden.

A month later, a more skinny boy with fair hair came up with the box. There was more supplies this time. You later found out his name was Newt. Then the boy named Minho came up. He was faster than the other boys. The two of you were the ones that started going into the maze. Alby started figuring out the shelters and Newt worked on the garden. Then a boy named Gally.

The camp had filled up by now. You and Alby were like co-leaders. You were in the maze half the time, but he filled you in once you got back. Newt helped him out in the glade. If anything happened to the two of you, everyone knew Newt was in charge.

You ran out of the maze with Minho and Ben. You notice Chuck following a guy with dark hair who was approaching the Maze. Ben and Minho keep running but you slow down. Ben acknowledges Chuck and the greenie but doesn't get to deep into conversation. You stop infront of the boy, who was taller than you. He looked at you confusedly.

"Hey, I'm Y/N," you say, extending your hand to him. He shakes your hand suspiciously.

"Y/N?" He asks. You nod. "Uh, I think Alby told me about you," he says. You shrug and nod again.

"Probably, he has to make sure the greenies know who's who when I'm not around." He looks a little confused and you pause for a second. "You must be the new greenie," you say. Chuck nods.

"Yeah, I was just telling him to get away from the maze," Chuck says. You shrug it off and gesture to the maze.

"It's okay to be curious. Just don't get yourself killed, alright, greenie?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at the surprisingly attractive new boy. He knits his eyebrows, looking at the maze.

"Get myself killed?" He asks. You nod slowly.

"Yeah. The doors will close soon, alright. If you got questions, ask 'em. But don't go in the maze, alright?" You say pointedly. He doesn't respond and you tilt your head a little. He nods.

"Did, uh, did you just say maze?" he says. You knew better than anyone that there wasn't a way out of the maze. It was a dead end. You'd run the whole maze with Minho.

"Yeah. I did. Now I hope Chuck explained that you're not allowed to go in there, right?" You ask he glances at Chuck and Chuck shakes his head.

"I didn't really get the chance," Chuck says putting his head down. You ruffle the boys hair and give him a small smile.

"That's alright, Chuck." You turn to the greenie. "Only Runners go in the maze. The rest of you stay out here. We try to figure that out, and you lot keep all of us from dying." He still looked a little confused, and studied your face.

"Yeah, Alby told me the rules," he says. You nod. The boy almost looked familiar but you shook it off.

"Good. You'll do your best to remember them. Or, you're in the pit. Got it?" He just nods. "Right, well, c'mon. Let's get back, yeah?" You say, walking back toawrds camp.

Once you made it back, you took a sip of water but it didn't take long for people to start running toards the doors.

"Don't touch me!" You hear the greenie yell. You quickly start running over to the doors. You were one of the first to make it there.

"Just relax!" Gally says.

"Hey, what the hell is wrong with you people?"

"Just calm down, alright?" Newt says. The boy shakes his head as you stop infront of him.

"No, okay, why won't anyone tell me what's out there?" Thomas exclaims. You, like many of the others put a calming hand out.

"We're just trying to protect you, man," Alby says.

"It's for your own good, Greenie," you say.

"No! Alright, you guys can't just keep me here!" He exclaims.

"Well, we can't let you leave either!" You say. He finally looks at you.

"Why not?!" He yells. You didn't let the guys yell at you. They all knew better. And soon the greenie would too.

"Like I said, I'm not going to let yourself get killed," you say. You were sure you looked annoyed at this point. You'd just gotten back to the glade and then this happens. Just wonderful.

"How would I get myself killed? What's out there?!" Just then, the maze's gears start clicking and you straighten up. The wind blows from inside the maze as the gears start moving.

"What the hell?" You hear the greenie mudder. The doors start sliding shut.

Alby takes a step forward towards the greenie. And Gally walks up to him.

"Next time. I'm going to let you leave," Gally says and starts walking back.

"Like hell you are," you say with a pointed look. He looks at you and you saw his jaw clench. But he just keeps walking back.