#it does feed the wish fulfillment of a better world to me

[raimagnolia]

The first thing that came to my head after being that was ToastyGlow's work. Please enjoy, it's a hell of a ride and it ain't over yet.

the author's barely disguised longing for a kinder world

[soracities]

since this seems like a place full of wise and whimsical people: i'm constantly seeing pleas online for young depressed people to remember that the freedom of adulthood and maturing into a fully realized person is infinitely better than adolescence (especially in the context of queerness which does make sense to me.) but i look at the actual real adults i know in my family and they're all constantly stressed by money, they wish they had chosen different things in life, they miss being taken care of as children, and honestly they're still really immature on some levels. i'm getting very close to leaving home and it seems like i'm missing most of the maturing experiences that other people get; it's never been logistically viable for me to have a job or a car, and i've never had to feed myself day by day. is there something i need to be doing now that will give me a genuinely freeing and fulfilling experience as an independent adult?

Every adult you meet (and you and your friends will be included in this), regardless of maturity level, is a former child in some regard; and as such how they act, respond, and cope with the world around them is a throwback to whatever they still carry from their childhood, or from the things that impacted them most in life, and whether or not they were able to adequately deal with them (and some do deal with them, and some refuse, and some are just in circumstances that make it difficult to even begin with).

I think what people mean when they say adulthood is better than adolescence is that the world get bigger, wider, and more interesting as you get older. It becomes less insular and all the things that preoccupy you most when you're 17 or 15 or that feel like the end of the world become diminished because you have a larger frame of reference for that world that goes beyond your school / friends / immediate family etc. It doesn't mean adulthood is not without difficulty, but simply that you won't be 17 forever. And as such you won't be stuck with all the things you hate about yourself at 17 forever either.

I don't know if there are any specific things you can do, because freeing and fulfilling mean different things to different people. There are some experiences / realisations you can only have when you are out on your own, true--but I also think maturity or maturing events are not necessarily only external ones, though those have an impact too: they come from getting to know yourself, facing your insecurities and flaws and limitations with unfiltered honesty and learning to understand these and work through them and learning to do the same with other people, too. Those external experiences can only go so far if you don't have the tools to fully apply what you learn from them.

In the end, the only thing I can really advise, if you have the time and the means, is to devote yourself to some kind of volunteering or community work. I think a great deal of growth comes out of the time you devote not so much to yourself but to others. It will also give you the opportunity to meet and learn from other people whom you may not have the chance to meet in your day-to-day school life. If you're really looking to broaden your experiences of the world around you, then this is one of the most important, in my view at least. Best of luck with it all, anon xx

[snaillock]

your relationship with bllk men as mitski songs

(kaiser, sae, oliver)

my posting has been very slow recently so to celebrate mitskis new album (and to feed into my eternal obsession for her music and lyricism by combining it with another thing im way too obsessed with), i dug up this old ass draft and finished it instead of giving y’all an actual fic

tags: gn!reader, angst(it’s mitski duh), yeah basically no fluff/comfort in here, suggestive-ish in the oliver one, me being a dork and combining two big interests of mine

michael kaiser - i don’t smoke

So if you need to be mean Be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me If your hands need to break More than trinkets in your room You can lean on my arm As you break my heart

his career can be a lot on his shoulders at times even with the cocky and arrogant facade he puts on for the performance of each match he plays. he has a tendency to keep it all in to bask in the glory of his luxurious life.

you understand. you know he’s currently too prideful to deal with his true feelings, especially all on his own. you just want to be there to know he isn’t alone and that he can be open with you. so you sit there, giving him a listening ear as he lashes out and releases every awful word in the book towards you when everything finally becomes too much for him to bear. you wouldn’t want him to have a very public meltdown when it happens so it’s better this way. you have remind yourself to take none of it to heart because he doesn’t mean those all harsh words. he just needed an outlet for those frustrations.

you also don’t want the weight and significance of his career to separate you two. you’re already so damn lucky to be with someone like him. you want to prove that you can handle it. you know you can. you’re sure you can help him figure this all out somehow. love just takes compassion and patience, that’s all it is. just taking it one step at a time.

it’s just compassion and patience. right?

Just don't leave me alone Wondering where you are I am stronger than you give me credit for

sae itoshi - i want you

You're coming back And it's the end of the world We're starting over and I love you darlin' And I am done, dear

he swears he will make time for you someday. sure those words have been promised over and over again like a broken record but he truly does love you. however you’re starting to wonder if mutual love is truly enough to keep you two going.

the truth is his life is currently too big and important for him to take any focus away from it. the last thing he needs is a distraction. all of which he has very clear multiple times, even along with his contrastingly hopeful promises. though his tone is quite neutral, never letting his emotions seep through as if he’s programmed to do so. meanwhile you have to desperately hold yours back to not seem like an idiot.

it’s never been easy to express how you feel in front of him. you desperately wish you could but the inconsistency of your relationship that’s barely holding up renders it pointless. this over and over/back and forth thing that’s going on between you two is exhausting. it only leaves you lost and confused. you begin to wonder if staying is even worth it at all. even with the speck of hope that it could eventually work out. even if you love him.

You're in the house And I am here in the car I just need a quiet place Where I can scream how I love you

oliver aiku - eric

You like control, well, I do too Take off my clothes and watch me move You can come closer, I'll let you hurt me how you choose

you deeply crave a loving and fulfilling connection with another but unfortunately the other you desire is him. a guy who’s born to be a player and only wants to fool around with multiple people.

you know getting attached would only cause you so much unnecessary pain but your naive heart couldn’t resist him. you know that he doesn’t see you for more than what you give him at night but you were still a fool to fall for him.

enough of a fool to fall for him knowing he’s not ready to settle for one person. you could see it from how you would lovingly gaze at him while he leers at someone else behind you. you would still give yourself up to him if you could, offering anything he wanted out of you.

despite better judgment, you stay with a pained and aching heart. constantly yearning for more.

But how long, how long can we play this way? I'm tired, I'm tired of not loving you My heart, my heart wants to hold you But I know, I know, I know the rules

taglist(lemme know if you wanna be added): @userwithlotsoftime @lucas2060

[mask131]

You know what? I will actually make my post about this problem (and even talk about some misogynistic implications! yeepee!)

It all started with the recent depiction of Hestia in the show "Blood of Zeus". Now... I did not watch the second season of Blood of Zeus, because the first season already gave me enough reasons to dislike the show and rank it among the bad depictions of Greek mythology. But I couldn't escape the massive success and presence of season 2 on Youtube, so I did watch some of the scenes of "Hestia doing battled" and throwing fire-balls and fire-tornadoes at people.

I do not take offense to that. Why? Because this fits the show's aesthetic and goal. As much as I dislike this, the show is about doing huge battles and being an action-piece filled with gore, taking cues from things like God of War, and depicting the gods as violent and destructive and warriors always fighting and killing people. So having Hestia weaponize her fire was expected from this show - I would have been surprised she didn't do it.

HOWEVER! What I take offense to is how people reacted to this. I saw the flood of comments which were basically "Yas girl, show them queen, burn them to a crisp, show you're the oldest and most powerful!". Some even said "This is the best depiction of Hestia alongside Riordan's". And to THAT I take offense. Now I know there is a symbolic plotline about Hestia protecting the omphalos, and honestly this sounds cool and good, but I am not speaking about it. I am speaking about Hestia you know, fighting monsters and demons by unleashing winds and waves of fire on them.

This isn't what the Greek goddess Hestia is about. She is not a fighter, she is not a warrior, she is not a power of destruction or war, she literaly is the most passive and peaceful entity you can find in Greek mythology. And in this light, Riordan's depiction of Hestia in his novel "The Last Olympian" is far superior because Riordan gets what makes Hestia who she is, and he prepares the story to show her in the role she fulfills: a woman sitting by a fire, welcoming people, feeding them, talking to them, guarding and staying awake and behind, and just... keeping the last fort, so to speak. And by doing so proving herself immensely cool and powerful and important. (That's another tip for writers out there: if you are confronted with a conflict of character versus plot... you know you are supposed to sometimes tailor the plot specifically to allow the character to shine as they were intended to be, and you are not forced to modify a character to fit your plot? Don't want to depict Hestia as a warrior deity because she was not that? Simple: don't show her being directly in battle or in need of defending herself. Write about something else instead).

I will admit that my teenage-self would have loved to see Hestia throwing fireballs - because that's the edgy stuff teenagers love (and I guess this is why "Blood of Zeus" works so much, it was literaly designed for your edgy teens). But I am an adult now and I know better. And I have also enough experience to see that people wishing and craving for a fireball-throwing Hestia is symptomatic of something much wider.

This wider thing being: modern audiences have a very hard time understanding that you can have immensely powerful characters who are mighty without being violent, agressive and hostile. I will be biased because events in my life and the real world are revealing we are living in an hyper-violent time, but this indeed led me to think about this topic.

Hestia is a manifestation of this idea that "might and importance does not mean violence". But there are many, many others, and to take a similar example I will dig up a Tolkien example I adore. Melian, from the Silmarillion. People got into a whole drama when "The Rings of Power" was released because of Galadriel's depiction, and I am NOT getting into that. But Melian and Morgoth's fight is linked, because it was Tolkien's precursor to Galadriel's battle against Sauron. So, what about Melian? She is a demigoddess among mortals, a divine spirit more powerful than the magic users we are knowing in the Tolkien universe (more powerful than Gandalf or Saruman), and one of the main ennemies of Morgoth himself, the OG Dark Lord and the baddest of the big bads. She is one of the mightiest entities to have walked Middle-Earth outside of the Valar themselves, and how does it manifests itself?

By the Girdle of Melian. A magical protection of her land. But does this magic wall manifests as spikes of fire? Are trespassers killing by a thunderbolt? Not at all. You can't even see the Girdle. Melian's magic simply... protects her land, and shields it from the eyes of evil. It makes intruders confused and lost and it leads them astray, without actually harming them. And Melian repels all the evil spells and dark curses and malevolent forces. And that's it. Simple, invisible, passive - and yet one of the most powerful enchantments and impressive feats of magic of Middle-Earth, able to keep Morgoth himself at bay.

This later would earn Tolkien's writing some criticism, as Tolkien was very fond of this idea of "passive power" for women (outside of his two famous "active" women, Eowyn and Luthien), and it fed into the unfortunate fantasy stereotype of "women are passive, men are active" (itself a manifestation of the underlyng misogyny among 20th century fantasy literature as a whole). But this is a good manifestation of how Tolkien imitated and took inspiration from old mythologies and legends - where this idea of "passive power" was VERY prevalent and important.

Hestia and Melian are just two examples I took out of my hat, but there are many many more, and they all rely in one principle: you have great and mighty powers that make some characters (or places, or items) dreaded by villains and beloved by the good people ; you have these forces that repel all evil and that are to be considered sacred and to be protected ; you have these ancient and immensely powerful entities that outrank everybody... and yet who never lift a hand against someone else, and who don't unleash floods or storms onto people, and who never even threatened to harm anybody. Because their very power relies on other principles, because they are a form of sacred power in what it has of... essential I'll say. This specific motif is VERY prevalent among Christian legends (at least European Catholic flavors) because it was heavily used when depicting saints and angels. One of the recurring motif of hagiography (the life of the saints and the legends surrounding them) is how the saint does not threaten those that wish to put them to death, never lift a finger against those that try to harm them - but by the very power of their sacredness, love/wisdom/goodness, weapons break against them or cannot reach them, and those that wish to destroy them are rendered powerless. In a wider scope it is also reflected in other Christian-derived myths like the vampire myth: before people decided to "visualize" the vampire's weakness to sacredness by having crosses or churches burn the vampire alive, it was just... the vampire literaly couldn't enter the church, and just fled away, like some mental compulsion, before the cross.

It is a concept and idea of the "sacred" and of the "sacred power" (so to speak) that existed since the Ancient Greeks to modern Catholics, and that heavily fueled and fed our fiction from old fairytales to modern fantasy novels. And it is something that is being completely lost as today power means: fighting, hitting, beating up, unleashing storms and chaos, and threatening to break every single finger of the people who are angry at you. It is even more annoying because we are not speaking about real life here. We are talking about MAGIC and about FANTASY and so EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

And I promised you more misogyny well here it is... I noticed something recently and that might be just me extrapoling things, but while this whole "passive power" idea has been heavily criticized for female characters (in a very right way, as one cannot deny passive women in fantasy was indeed a big problem) and is now fully rejected, I can't help but notice that when it comes to male characters suddenly it is praised and glorified, especially as how it depicts men "not being violents for once". And... I can't help but think, cynical little mind that I am, that maybe by trying to flee one form of misogyny we enter another one, because the implicit of "passive power" being good for men but laughable for women, is that... women need to be active and violent and brutalizing to prove themselves, while men do not have to. The sort of inherent sacredness and respect people once gave to women has now passed onto men - because men do not need to "prove" they're strong anymore, everybody is supposed to know this - while women, if they try to just be a power in themselves and by themselves, get ridiculed because "If someone comes with a mace, they won't be able to defend themselves". Almost as if people can't take seriously anymore the idea that you just have women so powerful they don't even need to fight to defeat you.

I don't know, here I am truly rambling around, and this is a Charybdis and Scylla scenario because you literaly have problems whether you depict women as active or passive, since both sides are hated by different people and both bear their inherent biases and stereotypes.

But conclusion: I wish when it comes to power and magic and gods we had more depictions of passive and non-violent forces. I am tired enough of the violence in the real-world I don't need even more added onto my screen in an unecessary way. If I want to see a goddess burn everything to the ground, I go look for Pele, or Sekhmet. I don't look for Hestia.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #168

I'm not in as much pain today as I expected to be, which is pretty freaking great!! I'm still a bit tired though. I spent my morning doing normal morning things, which, for me, means doing some dishes, feeding my cats, and making tea. Today's swirls were wonderful - as it brewed, as I added the honey, and as I added the cream! Let me show you:

...Sephiroth, I hope you'll remember that the world is filled with so many beautiful things. You just gotta know where to look for 'em. But it's okay if you don't always remember all the time; I forget often enough - I think everyone does. That's why we gotta spend time with people who will help us remember, instead of people who make it easier to forget. We of my house and the people that we chill with like to do our best to help everyone remember. You're welcome to pop by, too, if you need a reminder; you'd fit in with the rest of us misfits just fine, methinks.

E's wife, whose name is H, came to visit for lunch today! We went to an all-you-can-eat sushi place, because they hadn't yet been to the one that is in my city! Here's what we got!

...I wish you could be here to enjoy this with us. I wish I could do better than just send along pictures. I wish that you could be warm and safe somewhere with a happy belly full of yummy sushi. But I know all the reasons that such a thing as you coming to visit us is impossible, even if I do sometimes joke about you popping by my house. I'm not insane, don't worry.

Last time I saw H, we were with E at the shop with all the pretty clothing. They asked about one of my inventory items - besides my owl backpack, my hat, my various long cardigans, and the plush I carry, I have one more inventory item that I found under rather mysterious circumstances. Normally, this item comes in pairs, but there was only the left one when I found it. So, they asked why there was only one, and I didn't feel comfortable explaining in that environment for a variety of reasons. So I explained it to them while we were at Wasabi.

I'll explain a little here, but not fully, because although I think you might understand, I... don't necessarily think that anyone else who reads these will, because even I only just barely understand.

Some time ago, while engaged in ordinary activities, I made a small, silly wish to the void, thinking that nothing would come of it. But not more than two days later, I felt a strong pull of intuition to a random spot in my neighborhood that is nondescript and has no bearing on anything; nobody goes there because they're just maintenance trails in the middle of some trees on hills that are difficult and annoying to climb.

There was no logical reason for my attention to be pulled along in the way that it was, but as I explained to you in a previous letter, when I fail to heed my intuition, usually something mildly inconvenient happens, so for the most part, I've learned to just go with the flow, even if I don't know what's happening, why, or what to expect. And while I was wandering the maintenance trails, following the subtle buzzing of my intuition, I found an item.

The item was wet, dirty, and covered in tree sap, but it was a luxury item, all by itself, in a place that no one goes. It was very weird. So I brought it home and cleaned it up, and when I did, it was very beautiful. It smelled nice, and it was very soft. And... in a very roundabout way, it fulfilled the wish I had made, and that was also very weird. Admittedly, I was even a little spooked at first by how closely it fulfilled the wish I had made, given the circumstances and how reality generally works. But I've since decided that the item is mine now, even if it's missing its right counterpart, and so it is a permanent part of my inventory, even if I sometimes get odd looks from other people for having it.

There's a lot more that I could tell you, but I don't think I will in this space for fear that my sanity and ability to reason might be called into question by others, which would jeopardize the peace that I am trying to work towards for you; how can I convince enough others that you are worthy of it such that it comes to fruition if I cannot be taken seriously? How can I convince people that compassion is the answer to most problems if I cannot be taken seriously?

(...is it even possible for someone like me to be taken seriously by anyone at all...? experience points to "no", because I am not someone with power or influence or officially-recognized credentials, or even the correct body, neurotype, or social background for others to imagine I'm worth anything. if the answer to whether I can be taken seriously is already "no", then logically, I have nothing to be afraid of, but still...)

I explained all the things to H in far, FAR more detail than I explained here; there was a lot of it because there's much that I've carried by myself for a number of years - who would believe me if I spoke on it when even I am having a hard time of believing it even though I am the one these things happened to? More than just the item I found; my whole life, starting from a certain point (maybe you know when...), has been one wild coincidence after another, and it all became dramatically more pronounced since I began writing.

When I finished explaining everything to H, they seemed... I dunno the word for it... some combination of dumbfounded, shocked, excited, and joyful, I suppose? I was understood and believed (assuming they were being sincere), which was a shock to me, because I was thoroughly expecting that my longwinded answer to the question they posed about the item would prompt them to start trying to avoid me, but instead they told me of similar experiences that they had, and I was relieved. At least for today with regards to the things I've kept to myself for so many years, I feel like I am not by myself.

H and I went back to my house after that, and we played a lot of Vampire Survivors together. It's a silly game with not much substance to it, but it's a lot of fun, and it's interesting to play cooperatively. Then it was time for H to go home, and now V is visiting instead; V knows some of the details of what I've explained to H, too.

...I'll still keep it close to my chest in this space, though. I've seen what happens to others when they speak about these things, and the last thing I need is to be mocked and ridiculed as though I'm some kind of lunatic.

Well anyway. M wants to watch Game Changer with me and J and V, so I guess I'll stop writing now and go do that.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow. Please stay safe...

Your friend, Lumine

[manicpixiefelix]

I just read part 7 of your salt burn series and IM IN LOVE! I loved the dynamics between Felix and reader and the Oliver and reader throughout! Everything is so detailed and paints such beautiful imagery in the mind. I’m honestly speechless and it’s so hard for me to put into words how much I love this series and just the over all writing. I really like how much of the reader we got and how they interacted with not only both the boys but the friend group as well. Felix and reader getting so intimate and then Oliver and reader fucking too which MAKES FELIX JEALOUS. Then Felix reaching for her even without meaning too and the part where only she calls him FI! All this reader stuff makes me feel so special. I love this like favoritism (I think I would say, not sure if that’s the right word) that reader is getting. OBVIOUSLY I LOVE FELIX AND OLIVER TOGETHER TOO but there is just something so rbjdkenodmebsubfi about the complexity and sensuality with reader and them.

AHHH I MEANT TO RESPOND TO THIS DAYS AGO IVE BEEN EATING SAND ABOUT IT SINCE I READ IT YOU'RE SO LOVELYYYY!!!

seriously though, thank you so much for taking the time to indulge in my writing, and to send such sweet, detailed thoughts (they feed me and boy you have made me well fed, fam. sorry i refuse to phrase things in a normal way).

i work very hard, especially in my longer fics, to make it feel like the reader has a place in the world and in the story, like if im giving you the same essential beats as saltburn, i want there to be a reason for you to stick around, to see what's different, to see what this film would be like if you (or this version of you that i've created) lived alongside these character.

still there's absolute favouritism; it's a wish fulfilment fic, of course there's going to be favouritism! i think the reader allows felix to somehow be both better and worse than what we get in canon, we give him the support and genuine love he barely even receives from his family, while also enabling his, at times, self-obsessed hedonism. that's something that i've actually wanted to talk about it that is one of the ways that Oliver and Reader differ despite their relatively similar functions in felix's life. where Oliver calling Felix messy and cleaning up for him and forcing him to see how much people have to pick up after him is Oliver bringing up uncomfortable truths, when it's established that one of the reader's habits is looking out for felix and getting him whatever he wants/helping out all the time, that's an established Game for them, that's their roles, the reader does it without any kind of resentment, and has made it clear they take joy in it.

anyways as much as i love oli, and the dynamic he's building with fi and reader, fi and reader themselves have something so damn special honestly. love love love them looking out for each other, being jealous, being in love, but still being weird and image conscious and unwilling to let their youthful, stupid freedom go and fully commit to each other. they'll get there. <3

[mythicaldreamer]

It wasn't the first time you were woken from slumber by hands rubbing your lamp. It was, however, the first time the hands were that small. That they were so dirty that there were streaks of grime on the pristine gold lamp from where they had been placed. It was a shock to see your lamp in the hands of a child, nevertheless in one with tattered clothes that barely clung to their small frame. There was mud and dirt streaked across their face, matted into long hair that had clearly never been properly taken care of. You weren't able to tell age or gender by looking at the small child, which made an interesting amount of concern shoot through you.

You've fallen for this before though, years ago, so you steel yourself and say, "what is it that you desire to have?" Your voice is loud and booming, echoing through the empty building that the two of you occupy.

"Please," their voice is soft, and you really must commend their acting skills. "I just want food,"

That made you pause, and you watched the child with narrowed eyes, one because the child had not wished, which meant you weren't able to fulfill the request, and two, because their voice sounded so small. Their large blue eyes were filled with vulnerability that you have never seen directed at you before. No the eyes of all previous masters had been cruel, cold, merciless, and power hungry. Never scared, small, vulnerable, and about to overflow with tears.

"Please, just some food,"

Without thinking you bent down, coming eye to eye with the small child and giving a smile softer than you might have ever gotten. "you must wish for what you desire," you said, raising a hand and cutting off what the child was about to say. "That is the rule," your voice is soft. "you may not wish for more wishes, you may not wish for people's emotions to change, you may not wish for death, or life after death. You must desire what you wish for,"

"I wish for food," they said, looking at you in such a way that your heart aches.

There is no response. Your magic does not react to the wish, because, "ah child, that is not a desire, that is a need. It is the rule that no one knows, because only those who are greedy seek me out. You cannot wish for what you need, only for desires,"

The tears overflowed, wetting the grime streaked across sunken cheeks. "I don't know what else to do,"

You smiled softly, reaching out to wipe at tears and mud. "Worry not, child," you rose again, standing tall and looking around the building, where you could now see other faces watching the interaction. Just as dirty children and young adults in poverty, hoping for you to fulfill a wish that was not one.

You let the magic seep from your hands, conjuring food warm as though it had just been cooked. It was more than enough to feed the hungry, and the child looked on in shock.

"You said it wasn't a wish?"

The other people in the building rushed towards the spread and you smiled, conjuring a chicken leg for the child. "it wasn't. But needs must be met before wishes can be made, and a genie must fulfill their master's wishes,"

"I don't understand," they kept a hand on the lamp as they ate.

You thought about it for a moment. "Genies were created to grant wishes. If a master cannot make a wish then the genie must grant their needs first. It is a rule all genies must follow, although we rarely have to use it,"

The child's blue eyes looked up at you, considering your words. "So if I say I need to be cleaned...?"

You snapped your fingers, and a bucket of steaming water, soap, and an assortment of brushes and clean rags appeared. "Then you need not ask,"

The child grew, keeping you by his side, never wishing for anything. It was a wonderful change of pace from your thousand years of abuse and cruelty. The two of you went around, helping people, giving food to those who needed it, cleaning places and trying to make the world better.

When he grew old and more fragile, prone to sickness he made his first wish.

"I wish to stay young forever," he said, voice cracking with his age. You had told him that if he did not make wishes before his death, he himself would be cursed to be a genie.

You couldn't say you were surprised by his wish, but you granted it, plunging him back down to a youthful and spry twenty-five years of age.

"Why this wish?" You found yourself asking.

He smiled at you, just as blinding as when you had been traveling. "Because I can keep you by my side. I will not die. I will continue to help those with needs that have not been met. I won't let you be abused anymore by the cruelty of man,"

You felt tears fill your eyes. "That is the best wish I have ever granted,"

You’re a Genie with thousands of years of bad luck. It seams that every time someone finds the lamp, they are evil or corrupt and you are bound to grant terrible wishes. One day an child in torn clothes finds you and begs for food.

[tr1ck5]

you have three wishes. You cannot wish for more wishes or revive or kill anyone. Anything else is fair game. What are you wishing for?

Oh geez oh god this is so hard aaa lol -Okay, okay let's try this. It would be cliché as all hell (not to mention vague af) to wish for something like 'world peace' so I'm gonna try to be a little more specific: I wish all humankind naturally had the urge to better each others' lives. Does that make sense? That we could collectively be more reasonable about equity, and not have the lens of capitalistic greed poison literally everything. That humankind could naturally, collectively be more dedicated to the advancement of science, education, medicine, conservation etc to benefit everyone on earth. It just is endlessly infuriating to me that we have, right now, the tools and knowledge and means to feed, clothe and house everyone on earth, as well as work less, consume less, fix climate change and poverty but we just... don't. I mean not that -nothing- is being done about all of this right now but it could be so much better, it could all be fixed if we just stopped being so damn... primitive. This is getting wordy as fuck and I have trouble expressing what I mean clearly but hopefully it's clear enough lol -Second wish... I wish I didn't have to work. Or at least not as much. It's not that I don't like it. I just... yeah no okay I don't like it. Would 100% rather read, or draw, or paint, or write, or play video games, or watch documentaries, or take a long walk, or nap... I have NO shortage of hobbies that fulfill me but work makes it that I often don't have time/energy/creativity. So I guess I'm wishing for a lot of money so I don't have to work? Super original I know hahah but I don't want millions or a lavish lifestyle or a big ass house... I just want to have enough to be able to take it easy and enjoy my hobbies in peace. UBI. I just realized what I want here, is UBI. -Third wish... hmmm. What the hell this is hard! Okay this one is a bit dumb but I wish I could live somewhere warmer, with no winter (or at least NO SNOW) and at a walking/public transit distance from the sea. I despise cold and I love the ocean so much, I miss it dearly. Sadly there's no places that check both of those criteria in Canada and I'm not too keen on moving to the US... I think I wish I could be a snowbird, actually! Hahaha! There you go, wow this was way more lengthy than I thought it would be OOPS

[veronicathegoddess]

bro u try so hard to be woke on ur dni list when u can’t admit that ur still feeding into rape culture so it does have harm to innocent ppl go read a artical ffs☠️ certified therapists will tell u that cnc isn’t healthy its natural to develop the kink after being SA’d but it ain’t gonna help u in the long term i’ve got hella friends who r SA victims too and they agree that ur whole blog is messed up keep giving predators what they want tho you’ll get karma eventually🥱

well since you told me to go read an article, how about you do so as well and unlike your bullshit which is you putting your trauma on to everyone else and basically traumatizing them all over again, these were written by actual psychologists and therapists which you are not:

This article from Psychology Today by Dr. David J. Ley, a clinical psychologist is a very fascinating read and he an actual psychologist states: "Done with consent, self-awareness, negotiation, and communication, it appears that integrating consensual non-consent practices into sexual behaviors can be a healthy and fulfilling aspect of sexuality for some people, allowing them to expand their sexual boundaries."

what were you saying now about certified therapists thinking its unhealthy?

This article from Modern Intimacy is by Dr. Kate Balestrieri who is a liscensed psychologist and sex therapist who states:

"Some survivors enjoy CNC kink, because the consensual piece of it gives them a sense of control that they did not have during a previous assault. Others do not wish to engage in this form of sex. There is no right or wrong, and both can be healthy approaches to sex after sexual assault."

"There’s nothing wrong with you if you enjoy CNC kink in your intimate life. Transparency, boundaries, communication and after care (with debriefing) help to ensure a safe and erotic scene. "

so basically you've gone out of your way to bully and shame me for something that actual psychologists think is healthy because you don't. because you think it's going to give predators what they want? predators have existed long before i was SA'd, they exist right now and they will most likely continue to exist for an unnecessarily long period of time and i can assure you, most of those predators were not influenced by any sort of cnc kink but instead by misogyny, violence and a sick sense of entitlement to the bodies of women and girls.

by saying that i'm encouraging predators, you are blaming me, a victim of SA, for coping in the way that i think is best for me to deal with what was done to me. would you rather me be like you? a hateful bully who goes around wishing people get doxxed and wishing that they kill themselves? i'm not doing anyone anything by having a cnc kink but you and your approach is incredibly harmful especially if you don't know what the people you're targeting are going through.

in fact what i have done is tried my very best to make here a safe space for all surviovors to healthily engage if they so desire in a kink that will help them cope with their trauma and you are violating that safe space because you don't agree with it. you are incredibly entitled because you have not only invalidated my trauma and my coping but also centered yourself and your experience in it.

the reality is as women we all know SA victims, most of us have been SA victims, as much as i hate to say it, most of us will experience it at some point within our lifetime. we are all coping in different ways with the trauma we have. some of us are hypersexual, some of us are sex averse, some use cnc and other kinks, others choose not to. none of us are better victims or surviors. none of us have superior methods of coping. none of us have healed better than the others. we are all just trying to do the best we can and you should respect that.

also i'm blocking you now. i'm not gonna continue to let you mess with my mental health. i really do hope you heal though and that you can learn to respect other people and their personal decisions.

[possumcollege]

Man, every episode is Columbo Vs Society.

One of my favorite things about Columbo is that damn near every murderer is a rich dickhead who believes, wholeheartedly, that their status will protect them from consequences. They flatter him, insult him, threaten him, they call his superiors, one literally IS his superior, and one tries to kill his wife with poison marmalade, but he just Columbos along. He plays dumb, he feeds their ego, he gasses them up, and makes them mad. He plays the part his suspect believes him to be because he knows their fatal flaw is the confidence that they're smarter, better connected, more powerful than everyone else. Columbo is class warfare in an adorably ridiculous package.

In a world where people unironically flounce about in feathery nightgowns and call board meetings in giant, purple muffin-hats, he shuffles and creeps, smelling like cheap tobacco, chili, and hard boiled eggs. His pockets contain evidence and actual trash. he's Hobocop. He has to bring his big beautiful stupid dog to work when his wife can't watch him. He solves murders while doing the shopping for dinner. He annoys the piss out of high-society influencers with stories about his wife or his terminally cheap French car. He asks what they paid for their shoes then asks if they know where he can get a similar pair for less money. Of course they don't know! They are literally angry that he suggests they might! He pops up like a comeuppance gopher in their homes, their golf courses, their offices, their clubs, at dinner, their lairs to bother them into submission.

It's wish fulfillment for a society where the richest people just get to live in these bubbles of privilege that only really pop when they run afoul of another, more powerful bubble or commit atrocities so egregious or nakedly evil that the state risks tipping their hand by not prosecuting them. Accountability in America is a system where you can only impose responsibility on others if you hold equal or greater power. Colombo is a classic Funny Little Man in that universe, a trickster who uses his skills to overwhelm that cultural armor and say, "Ha-ha, motherfucker! You're rich but I'm magic and I can make you eat your own tail in front of everyone."

When a suspect tries to frame some "poor bastard" (™️ JOMT podcast) Columbo dismisses the low hanging fruit so casually that the murderer has to make an absolute ass of themselves to press the issue, either committing additional criminal blunders or tipping their hand by going over Columbo's head within the police department.

Who among us doesn't wish that we could walk up to the person who tried to burn us by complaining to our manager and be like, "Hey, I heard you did that, but my boss knows I'm solid as hell, so fuck you, go to prison for murder."

The murderer is almost always someone in an undeserved position of power, wielding their status as a shield against the natural consequences of being a shit. Columbo's job is to goober his way past their defenses long enough to burst out of their chest like a blue- collar nightmare.

Multiple suspected outright tell him, "I want you to stop investigating me because I'm too important."

He just shrugs, flashes an impish grin, and says, "No."

I also appreciate that Columbo does research, asks sincere questions, consults experts, conducts cute experiments. They don't even have to be good experiments because the murderers are pompous idiots who aren't smart enough not to fuck with the radio presets in their victim's car. He frequently admits that he doesn't understand shit, which in my estimation, makes him a vastly better character than 90% of all TV investigators. He isn't just stubborn, or obsessive, he's curious. I identify with his numerous, onscreen, "Wait, I'm an idiot. Time to step back and unfuck this mess" moments. American police are chronically incapable of self criticism and it bums me out. That's what good investigators need to be able to do. Maybe with the help of a superintelligent child and his robot, idk.

Watch enough episodes and it's pretty clear that his methods wouldn't hold up in most courts, but that's not the point. The point is, Columbo: Italian Gnome Detective is so good at reading opulent shitbirds and the desperately powerful that by the final scene, he'll have them so wrapped up in their own self-incriminating bullshit that they know they're caught, often caught so hard they end up confessing in a melodramatic fashion.

That's a lot of the change I'd like to see in the world. To see the rich and powerful, who let's be clear, are not much better than Columbo villains at hiding very real crimes, having to face the same legal reality the rest of us are subject to. Having more unarmed cops who are willing to give normal folk the benefit of a doubt in favor of taking down the amoral ruling class would be lovely too.

Which, is why I always say the only good cops are either horses or Columbo.

The Many Conflicts of Columbo

[undead-merman]

I really enjoyed all of your siren/mermaid obey me headcannons and fics! The descriptions of the boys were so cool and well researched!

In the beach event the boys have you swallow a pearl that lets you breath under water, but mention one that actually turns you into a mer! Hopefully foreshadowing for a future event.~

But with your yandere sirens how would the boys react to a darling that after seeing how sad they get because of separation, or limited underwater time finds one of the mermaid transformation pills and surprises them with it?

I loved all of your siren stories so much but loved Simeon, Lucifer, and Asmodeus' the most. So maybe dealer's choice between them?

I'm glad you enjoyed them, underwater monsters are some of my favorites to write as I enjoy reading about marine life, and I agree I'd like to see some kind of future event around this though who knows... I didn't see the beach event, so I just made up shit as I went.

🧜‍♂️Yandere Siren Lucifer and Simeon🧜‍♂️ with an S/O who wants to become a Mer GN- Reader

Lucifer

The Struggles of Before

He thought it was cute seeing you pout or jump to him when he came back from being gone for so long his tail would dance behind him as he brought you into the shallow water, you wrapped in his arms.

At first he had a difficult time gauging how long and how far a human could dive and he admits to taking you too deep once because of it, though he has never stopped apologizing for that. The world beneath the sea is so bright and colorful, very different compared to life on land and being a mer had such a charm to it compared to an ordinary human.

He didn’t mind you being human at all; he enjoyed the differences the two of you had. It helped him have a broader view on even the littlest aspects of his life. Though if you mentioned you’ve wished to turn, he would let you explore the idea and mention there being a pearl that could fulfill that desire. He described its look, feeling, and where it was typically found but informed you that they’re rare and extremely difficult to find.

He does take a moment every once in a while to think of how enchanting you would be as a mer, perhaps you’d be a bright and shining mer with dazzling colors or perhaps deeper and darker colors more suited for twilight.

Seeing your transformation

You just happened to be strolling along the shore when you spotted an interesting looking object, discovering it to be exactly like what Lucifer described the pearl to be. You felt a bit of pride surge in you for finding something so incredibly rare just laying around.

When he returns home he feels something amiss and when he breaches the surface to call out for you. When he spots you, you can see his eyes go wide in a way you've never seen before. He doesn't say anything for a moment, but after some silence he asks you if you had your first breath underwater. He’ll lead you down into the water holding both of your hands as you flick your tail to follow and when you take a breath it feels no different than breathing air. He pulls you into his arms overjoyed to finally see how you would look and it's so much better than anything he could have imagined.

He does nag you for doing something like that without him there though, saying that something could have gone wrong or maybe you had misidentified what you had seen and taken something dangerous; however, if you kiss him he’ll stop and just relish the feeling.

When everything has calmed down he takes you to explore and shows you more of what the ocean has to offer though he demands you hold onto his hand. You're not used to your new body yet and he wants to keep an extra close eye on you until you are.

Adjusting to life After

It takes time for you to adjust to a tail rather than legs. Even if you're good at swimming it takes time to feel out your new more flexible limb and build muscles. You tire easily and your taste buds change, leaving you with a period of finding many foods that taste terrible, though starving you eat it regardless. Lucifer is able to find a palatable meal for both of you to enjoy.

During the time of adjustment he refuses to let you wander around by yourself and you must have him with you. He can’t trust anyone around you and he’s very content to have an excuse to keep you by his side 24/7.

After everything is settled he’s still sure to find a way to keep you by his side, now more than ever, since you can swim alongside him. He’s weary when he feels another siren around you; compared to sirens, you're much more of a gentle creature. He needs to protect you and keep everything away.

Now that you’ve become a mer he'll be thrilled to spend the rest of entirety with you. Together and bound.

Simeon

The Struggles of Before

He felt just the way you did. He got anxious when he had to part with you, always feeling sad having to leave you all alone, though that made reunions all the sweeter when he returned and called out for you with open arms and had you run into them. Oh it makes his heart sing when you run into his arms.

He did admit to you that he wished to take you farther and deeper to explore his home, but understood your human limitations; you can see how much he wished he could though. He’d give you a gentle smile and tell you you’re perfect the way you are, he fell in love with you, not your form.

Though if you told him you have an interest in changing, he tells you no matter what form you take he’ll love forever; though his shaking tail and blushing face give away how excited he is about the idea.

He tells you about the pearl, in a fairytale fashion, all while he is looking to see if you're entertained. He does let you know how rare they are but he'll find it for you if you truly wish to change.

He won't admit it since he doesn't want to influence your decision but he often fantasizes about how you'd look swimming with a dazzling mer tail playing along with the sea creatures, or as a fierce siren with large fangs and claws, powerful with no mercy.

Seeing your transformation

You just happened to be looking into the water when he was away hunting and found the exact pearl Simeon described. You scooped it up and gulped it down excited to find something so hard to find just in the cave.

Simeon comes home with alarm bells ringing and completely forgets his prey to swim like a bullet to you to make sure you're safe when he sees your new form in the water. He stops for a moment before a huge smile splits across his face and he is swimming up and tackling you while grabbing your hands, shoving his face into the crook of your neck and wrapping his tail around yours.

He's so excited you can tell he’s crying even in the water, he asks you if you're okay but it only takes a few words before he’s admiring every new detail, from the luster of your tail to the webbing of your fins.

He’s quick to ask if you’d like to go out with him, tugging your hand as he leads you out of your cave to the overlook of the dark depths and shows you some of his favorite spots all without letting go of your hand.

Adjusting to life After

Getting used to new limbs is a long and difficult process, your tail gets sore easily since it’s like a baby deer trying to walk for the first time. Not only that but your taste buds are slowly changing so your food preferences are changing. Simeon is there every step of the way and is extremely supportive of you.

Simeon brings you a wide variety of foods for you to try and he’s happy to prepare and feed it to you, his tail beating the ground as he playfully asks you to open wide. He now takes you out slowly so he can teach you how to hunt if you desire but he’s more than happy to provide for you.

Every once in a while Simeon will play with your tail like he did with your toes and admits he misses the little things but he’s still so happy you’ve decided to become what you are now and smothers you with affection.

Somehow he’s even more protective of you, now more than ever. He knows mers are much more gentle creatures than siren’s and he’s terrified of a siren finding you, so whenever you go out he’s right behind with fins flared keeping a hostile eye out for any threats.

He sleeps next to you in the water, tails wrapped around one another and his hands around you smiling as he finally has his happy ending with you. You're both together forever and will always be.

[golden-wingseos]

genshin boys and their toxic traits

featuring —

✧ albedo, diluc, kaeya, childe (separate) x gn!reader

warnings ―

✧ not proofread, albedo story spoilers, diluc story spoilers, mentions of death, mentions of blood

notes ―

✧ hi. also mb i got too intrigued with childe's part that he turned out a lil... 😅😅

he's too determined to fulfill his master's wishes.

in addition to that, he thinks he's cold. that he has no interest in human luxuries because he is not human. he must find the meaning of the life he creates, all for his master

because all albedo does rounds up back to his master. everything and everyone he ever meets is just a catalyst to him seeing his mentor once more

yet sometimes he second-guesses himself. he sees you, you in all your glory, you and your happiness that he wishes he could capture forever

and then he sees the distant silhouette of his master. so close, yet so so far. he doesn't know if he'll ever see his instructor ever again... but he will try his best.

yes. even if it means leaving you. because at the end of the day, he's here thanks to his mentor. at the end of the day, he will destroy the life he created.

because he is not human. therefore, he will never appreciate being such.

he's lost so much, he begins to think about whether he'll lose you too

diluc's heart is scarred. it was broken and glued back together, yet it still will never regain its former glory

he does not let people close, yet if they manage to worm their way into his heart... he begins to think. when will you leave him too? when will you realize there's so many better people out there who can actually kiss you in public without recoiling?

he thinks. and he looks at kaeya. kaeya. the man who he once called his brother. the man who betrayed him and stepped on his shattered heart until there was nothing left.

the two of them are like fire and ice, yet they stem from the same tree. the same winery, but kaeya was able to move forward.

so he pushes you away. he pushes you away to spare himself the pain of the future. he thinks, you'll have a better life without me. i can live without you.

and like a double-edged sword, he drifts closer to you. diluc has seen death so many times, yet he cannot bring himself to appreciate the true beauty of life

so as you hold his hand, as you kiss his crimson lips and as you play with his vermilion hair, diluc thinks.

please don't leave me.

he begs. he begs to nobody, he begs to the stars and to barbatos who he knows is getting wasted in his own tavern

he begs that the world will be merciful and allow you to stay beside him. something that many of his loved ones were unable to do

kaeya's too secretive

but he thinks. this is for the better. the result is good, so it's okay. he keeps his business away from you, not wanting to dampen your mood. he keeps his work life and 70% of himself secret because he doesn't want you to realize who he truly is

and throughout all of this, he thinks— "what i'm doing is right. it's okay. i'm keeping you safe." yet he overlooks the most important part of a relationship:

communication

sometimes, you come home to an empty house with no notes, no hints to kaeya's whereabouts. sometimes he doesn't return for a week or two. sometimes you think he's died.

and then he comes strolling in like it's okay, that it's a normal day.

kaeya overlooks such basic components of life because he's too holed up thinking that he's right. he's right for keeping his dark connections away from you. he's right because he's protecting you

yet in the long-run, who will you trust? will you trust that he'll come home to you? will he come home to you? there's so much going on, yet it seems like there's nothing at all

because he's protecting you. he's shielding you. he's keeping you safe from the coldness of his business

and only until you leave does he realize: i was wrong.

it's funny. it's funny how even though kaeya's past is like sand in the wind, it still caught up to him now

old habits die hard, right?

childe's selfish.

no, he's not selfish in the way where he doesn't share anything. in fact, that's the opposite. anything you want, he'll give it to you. the world? done. the rabbit charm? sure!

he's selfish because he kills. he kills to satisfy his needs, he fights because of the adrenaline rush

he wants more. childe wants power, he wants so much yet the world gives him so little

he comes home bloodied and battered. he goes out on fatui business that lasts up to months. and with all of this, you're left wondering—when will he leave me too?

if you don't grow with childe, you're nothing to him. literally. if you can't keep up with his speed and constant wars, it's about time he leaves you because you're nothing but a hindrance

in addition to those feeding insecurities, childe rarely sends messages back. sometimes you're left going for months without a single letter because he's too focused on the mission at hand, on getting his gloves dirty and covered with crimson liquid

childe loves you, really.

but if one day you stop getting stronger like he is, then he's not so sure if the term love can be used anymore

"the world belongs to those who desire to become strong," childe says. he says it because he's strong, he desires and wants and dreams and goes.

so if you cannot say the same, then don't expect him to come home at all.

[mlwritersguild]

the very first page (not where the storyline ends) by @queer-cosette​

AO3 Link; Sabrina Raincomprix/Zoe Lee, prom, dancing, friendship/love

Summary: 

Sabrina isn’t looking forward to prom without Chloé by her side. She didn’t consider that Zoé might understand better than anyone how she feels.

---------------------

Why does everyone say prom is the most magical night of high school?

No, really, it doesn’t make sense. Every television show with a prom that Sabrina has ever watched always ends in drama. It doesn’t matter that Sheldon says “I love you” to Amy if Howard is fistfighting Stuart for asking out Jeanie. Who cares if Fred and Daphne get to dance together - the ghost girl still tries to kill them! Kim has to leave to save the world and doesn’t get to the ‘Ron was perfect for me the whole time’ thing until after Eric is revealed as evil. Shouldn’t prom be the post-happily-ever-after celebration? You should get to go after getting your life together.

Of course Sabrina’s prom comes when she’s never felt less put-together. She’s not imaginative by any means, but she knows her classic literature, and she feels like the Little Mermaid in Hans Christian Andersen’s original work. The bitter realisation that Chloé’s love has always been conditional still stings.

Well.

It wasn’t really a realisation, was it?

Sabrina has always known Chloé’s love was conditional. Deep down.

It was really more admitting it to herself. Accepting it. Wishing it could have been different.

But it’s not different. Chloé does not want the Sabrina who is happy, who is reaching out for friendships and connection. She wants the old Sabrina who listened to her unconditionally, acted the part of the devoted lapdog, did everything she could to gain approval and acceptance. And even if she decided she did want who Sabrina is now, well, Sabrina’s not so sure she wants Chloé anymore.

And, well, that’s hard to get used to. After all, Chloé was everything to her for so long. It’s difficult to not run back to her and beg to turn back time.

But Sabrina’s Kwami is Barkk, not Fluff. Barkk represents Adoration - that is, love. And Sabrina has found herself happier learning to love herself than she was when she measured her worth by Chloé’s love.

But it means that, well, prom is… lonely.

Everywhere she looks, there are happy couples. Adrien and Marinette are alternating between slow-dancing and blushing at each other. Alya and Nino are as in tune with each other as ever, Nino somehow knowing the exact ratio of red punch to yellow punch Alya likes, while Alya is balancing two buffet plates, one of which is all Nino’s favourites and the other her own. Myléne and Ivan are talking and laughing with Luka Couffaine and his pretty dark-haired girlfriend - Sabrina thinks her name might be Carlotta; Alix and Max, ace-aro as they both are, have escorted each other in and are congratulating Kim and Ondine on being official; even Kagami is pink-cheeked and smiling with Adrien’s friend Wayhem. Juleka and Rose are dancing. Nathaniël is requesting a song from the DJ while Marc waits for him, smiling widely. Aurore is just entering, beaming like the sun, her pretty blonde girlfriend, Robbin, on her arm. Mirielle and Jean are feeding each other cocktail shrimp at the buffet table.

There are only two people missing from the scene.

Lila is lighting up the groupchat with insistence that her ‘millionaire boyfriend’ is running late in picking her up and that she will absolutely be there. Given that her ‘generous offer’ to have Clara Nightingale sing at their prom fell through at the last minute, and somehow there was a ‘mistake’ with her ‘Gabriel original’ ‘free’ prom dress that meant she ‘had’ to buy a different dress at full price, Sabrina is not exactly inclined to believe her.

Chloé is nowhere to be seen.

Not, of course, that Sabrina’s ‘dancing together declaration of love’ fantasy was going to be fulfilled even if she was here.

She needs some air.

Sabrina pushes through the hall into the foyer, avoiding the eyes of the few stragglers still out here as she tries not to run for the door.

She just always secretly, subconsciously dreamed that maybe, just maybe, the whole ‘prom is the most magical night of our lives’ thing might come true for her and Chloé.

The night air is like a slap. Sabrina can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not.

She decides that it will be a good thing as she leans against the wall. After all, deciding that ambiguous things were going to be good things is how she’s survived most of her life. Like when her parents split up. Two Christmases. Or when her class schedule couldn’t accommodate both History and Physics. More time to study for History.

Like Chloé.

“Oh, thank god, I’m not the last one out here!”

Sabrina looks up at the voice, which is familiar, yet not familiar, yet definitely familiar. It’s Zoé.

Chloé’s sister.

Chloé is nowhere in sight.

Good thing, Sabrina decides.

“Wow, Zoé, you look great!” she says, and means it.

Zoé does that cheerful little pocket-wiggle girls do when their outfit gets complimented. She’s forgone a dress in favour of a fitted black velvet tuxedo jacket and glittery rose-gold leggings, her ever-present beret and converse exchanged for a bowler hat with a ribbon that matches her leggings and sparkly black pumps with ankle straps. In other words, she’s the definition of ‘stylish’, and in comparison, Sabrina feels very overdressed, her turquoise tulle skirt suddenly overly fussy and her green wrap cardigan with its little pink bow seems to be trying too hard. Chloé would have thought so.

But Zoé is not Chloé, and she beams. “Thanks! So do you - I love your shoes!”

Sabrina automatically glances down at the little pink bows on her green mary-janes. “Thanks!” she hears herself say. “I got them online - I was a little worried they would arrive in the wrong size…”

What is happening? Zoé should surely be criticising Sabrina’s outfit right now. It’s what Chloé would do.

Zoé is not Chloé.

Maybe this time Sabrina won’t have to decide that that’s a good thing.

Zoé gestures to the doors. “Do you want to head in, then?”

Sabrina wants to nod. But the thought feels overwhelming.

“I was just getting some air,” she croaks out. “I’ll head back in in a minute… you should go in though, it’s ok -”

“I can wait with you, if you want?”

If Sabrina wants? What is she supposed to say to that? No one ever asks her what she wants - well, not in this way. She’s usually just told. I’ll wait with you. I’m going back in. We’re going in now, together. Fine, stay out here and make us both look like losers.

But Zoé’s face is open and earnest, and maybe Sabrina would like the company.

And so she nods. “That would be nice, thanks…”

Zoé leans against the wall next to Sabrina, effortlessly cool in a way Sabrina herself could never manage.

“So, are you here yourself, or -?” Sabrina asks, her voice trailing off before she means it to.

Zoé seems to know what she means even without Sabrina finishing the question. “I don’t know if she’s coming,” she says softly. “She started yelling at Andre when she found out she couldn’t ban me from the prom. I slipped out while I still had the chance.”

There’s a slight frown on her face, but it clears and brightens in a millisecond, and she changes the subject.

“So, no date tonight?” she asks, but it’s not mean. Her voice is friendly.

“No,” Sabrina replies, shocked at how easy it is to answer Zoé. “Never really thought about who I might want to take to prom.” That’s a lie, but the truth is painful, and Sabrina isn’t going to unload that onto Zoé, who is clearly just being nice, not probing.

Zoé chuckles. “Yeah, me neither. Doesn’t help that most of the ladies in our school are either taken or painfully heterosexual.”

Sabrina blinks. “You’re -?”

Zoé laughs. “Come on, how many straight girls do you know who can rock this haircut?” she asks teasingly.

That is a fair point.

“That is a fair point,” Sabrina repeats aloud. “I think I’d just subconsciously filed it away as a culture difference.”

“Have you ever been to New York?”

“Yes I have, what’s your point?”

They both burst out laughing. Sabrina’s heart feels lighter than it has in a long time.

“There was a boy I met in New York,” Sabrina confesses softly. “He’s one of the few people I’ve ever really liked. Like, like-liked. One of three, I think.”

“Who were the other two?”

“Marinette, for a bit -”

“Valid and understandable.”

“And…” Sabrina trails off. She doesn’t want to say it. Saying it to Zoé means admitting it to someone besides her journal.

She can’t admit it.

But Zoé seems to understand.

“I’m sorry,” she says gently, and seems to mean it. “You deserve better.”

Sabrina’s jaw drops at this. “She’s your sister!” And then her jaw drops again, because it’s the first time she’s said it out loud - ever.

Zoé shrugs. “This isn’t The Godfather. Family isn’t the be-all or end-all.”

And Sabrina realises that out of everyone she knows, Zoé probably knows better than ever how Chloé has hurt Sabrina. Knows what it’s like to desire that love that is completely and utterly conditional. Chloé made it clear from the beginning that her love for her sister hinged on how alike they were, and vanished when it became obvious that they were not alike at all.

Zoé isn’t Chloé. But she’s been hurt by Chloé.

Zoé isn’t Chloé, and that’s a good thing. And for once, Sabrina doesn’t have to rationalise it at all.

“Do you want to go in?” she asks Zoé. Zoé grins.

“Sure.”

And, so casually she has to have done it before, she offers Sabrina her arm. Sabrina takes it.

“Did you ever see that episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch where they go to a prom-type thing?” Zoé asks conversationally as they head through the doors. Sabrina shakes her head.

“Chloé never wanted to watch it. She found it weird that the main character had the same name as me.”

“Pity,” Zoé sniffs, still grinning. “We could’ve reenacted the scene where Sabrina and Harvey dance together outside.”

There and then, Sabrina vows to herself to find and watch the episode as soon as she gets home tonight.

Just for research purposes, you understand.

And her cheeks are only pink because the inside is so much warmer than the outside.

The dance floor is full when they get back to the hall, the end of Flo Rida’s ‘Low’ just trailing off. Sabrina is a little sorry to have missed it. It’s the kind of song where you get included, even if it’s just to risk your ankles attempting to slut-drop. Maybe it’ll come on again later. Hey, maybe she can request it to play again. There’s no one stopping her tonight.

The thought makes her slightly giddy, and she notices a moment too late that everyone is pairing off with their dates as the soft opening chords of Taylor Swift’s ‘Enchanted’ begin to drift out over the floor. It’s a slow-dance song.

One she’s dreamed of dancing to at prom for ages.

Hmm. Maybe Sabrina is tired of pushing away her dreams. And so she offers a hand to Zoé.

“Would you like to dance?” she asks. After all, Zoé had stipulated she wanted to go with someone who was neither taken nor heterosexual.

And Sabrina is neither of those things.

Zoé looks pleasantly surprised. “Yes, I would,” she says, smiling, and takes Sabrina’s hand as Taylor Swift’s gentle vocals fill the room.

All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you…

Hmm. Maybe prom is going to be a little magical after all.

[thatbangtanbloom]

we’ll always have paris | kth

we’ll always have paris

characters: kim taehyung x reader

genre: idol!taehyung, reader

categories: fluff, angst, smut (pls forgive me it’s my first time)

warnings: dirty talk (tae loves it ngl), oppa kink???, taehyung is absOLUTELY WHIPPED for reader, unprotected sex (pulling out - do not do this ok; wrap it up kids!!!!), curse words 

word count: 9.8k 

Talks of traveling from Seoul to Paris were a frequent topic between the two lovers for the first two years of their relationship. Paris was a place of new beginnings, for strolls all the Champs-Elysses, and kisses under the Eiffel Tower. Renowned for its beauty and culture, any couple intending on forever had to travel to this as a form of pilgrimage. 

Nevertheless, the duty of an idol did not align with that of a student. The number of times Kim Taehyung traveled to Paris for touring could not be counted on his fingers, for his trips were numerous. The love for ARMY was not the same for his girlfriend (and soon-to-be fiancée) so the feelings that Edith Piaf sung in ‘La vie en rose’ left him misty-eyed in anticipation for the moment he would finally do so.

“I’m going to Paris!” were the words that greeted Taehyung on his daily virtual call from his girlfriend, YN. Her chubby cheeks were filled with light as she crossed her legs in her dorm room. It was reassuring to see she was happy: her bed perfectly fixed behind her and the Tata plushie he brought him tucked under her arm. “Well.. Lyon, but my exit flight is in Paris.”

Her excitement is infectious to Taehyung. “Wait.. you are only going to Paris for your exit flight?” He asks with a frown on his lips.

“Yes.. I am traveling to Lyon for an engineering conference for spring break, but I will be going to Paris via train for my flight?” She exclaims with a giddy smile.

Her words paired with her excitement makes him think of last year when they watched the Hollywood golden-era classic, Sabrina. “자기.. Paris is not meant to be an exit flight..”

“I don’t have the money to stay longer.. Paris is expensive.” She pouts before shrugging. “Traveling like a native and then to the airport is enough for me!”

A slight frown settles into Taehyung’s soft features. As much as he loved her, he sometimes wished that she would depend on him more. For lack of a better word, he wanted to be needed. It were times like this when he wondered if she would always be a immobile rock evading his offers. “You should experience Paris properly for your first time.. with me.”

“With you?” She asks in surprise. “But what about your practice and preparations for the new album?”

Taehyung shakes his head. “We are getting a two week break.. I can just work a bit more now and I can meet you after the conference, my sweet engineer.” He is shy as his boxy smile comes into view. “We always talked about backpacking across Europe, right? Let’s start in Paris and go wherever the wind takes us.. and be spontaneous.”

Spontaneous was definitely a word to describe Taehyung. She heard him numerous times to considered doing things with him to be more adventurous; it even led to a few arguments from time to time. 

“Well.. if it is not too much of a burden for you..”

“It is not.” He smiles at her brightly. “It would be so nice for us to spend this time together too.. I miss my tiny little spoon.” He leans his cheek against his palm.

As YN usually disagreed with being a little a spoon, she concedes without a struggle. “Your little spoon misses you too... 오빠.”

“Then let’s do this.” The familiar gleam of mischief that she has always loved has reached his eyes once more. The anticipation is rising. “How does that sound?”

“I’ll start packing.” YN concedes with a wide grin. Paris and Taehyung? It’s a love story for the ages.

The warmth of a lover is the most fulfilling experience in the world. For others, it may be success and money, but such things can be replicated time and time again. The effects of true love are unwavering and everlasting in ways that no dictionary in any language can attempt to emulate. This much passion and fortitude remained elusive to be defined, but YN knew that she felt it.

Her heart was beating loud in her ears as she sat on the bed of their hotel room; the key to their shared suite living her heart in circles. She was greeted with rose petals on the bed and a small card from Taehyung that made her wonder if they were soulmates that transcended time. It were the little things like this that made her realize their love was eternal.

자기야 (Honey) 

I can’t wait to see you tonight. I seriously haven’t been able to sleep at all, thinking about what this next week has in store for us.. I’m so happy that you’re letting things go as they do. I’ll be there soon. This first night, let’s rest. Tomorrow? We run!

나는 너를 사랑해. 보라해💜 (I love you.)

너의 김태태 (Your Kim Taetae)

She smiles down at the card and plops down onto the fluffy comforters. Taehyung never filled to fill her lungs with roses and make a garden blossom for him. It were times like this when she realized the deepest realization of love was embodied by him. Her Taehyung.

Falling for Taehyung on that winter night in 2016 was the first time that she learned to go with the flow and follow her heart. Apprehension was a common practice when it came to her distinguishing the crush from mere admiration, but once she let it settle.. it began to grow into eternity. It did not fester and cool like the raisin in the sun she worried it would be.

“어... 왜 그래? 자기?” The familiar deep timber whispers, sending tingles down her spine as she shakes away from her daydream to be met with chocolate orbs. He sends her a smirk, clad in his mahogany brown day coat and black beret. He knew Parisian fashion like an atelier at Chanel. 

Her heart instantly flutters as she pulls him on top of her to take him into a tight hug and steals a kiss from his soft lips. “Taehyung!”

“What were you thinking about? You didn’t even hear me come in.” He chuckles into her ear as he settles all of his weigh on her with a smile. His fingers toy with the bow of her white sundress absentmindedly. He had missed her so much that he felt light headed just being around her. He was on cloud nine. With his girl. 

YN blushes as she takes off his beret to place it on her own head and strokes his hair. He lays his head on her chest, holding her in his arms. “I was thinking about how lucky I am to be with you.. you’re the man of my dreams, you know?”

“어?” Taehyung turns slightly red at the confession. “And not Park Hyunsik-ssi?” He teases, knowing the many occasions she fawned over his hyung while they watched his drama. 

YN giggles, “Yes. You have all that I want..” She begins to caress his cheek as he places a kiss on her clothed tummy. “The fact.. the fact you came all the way to Paris and we are going to spend the next week together backpacking makes me excited.”

“I can’t wait for our cottage in the Netherlands. I finished the reservation this morning,” He confesses while stroking her hip. “If we could.. maybe.. maybe we could extend our trip?”

“I wouldn’t say no to that.” YN doesn’t miss a beat. Taehyung’s boxy smile spreads across his face as he climbs up to kiss all over her lips in appreciation.

Taehyung smiles as he pecks her lips quickly. “Let’s drink some of the champagne and spend tonight coolly. I want to enjoy this. And you.”

“We should shower first...” she agrees with a smile as she wraps her arms around his shoulders to peck his lips. “I can order the room service too. Strawberry cheesecake?”

“And steak.” He chuckles as he thinks of their fruit: strawberries had been a deciding factor for the two of them. “I’ll head in now.”

“Mmm~.” She sing songs to him before brushing her nose against his. 

Two showers, one call to the front desk, and a knock at the door later, the two lovers sit across from each other cross legged as they feast on steak, potatoes, chocolate covered strawberries, and champagne. It is nothing short of a midsummer night’s dream and a memory that neither of them had wanted to get. The lilting tone of Sarah Vaughn plays in the background as YN listens intently to Taehyung talk about the latest episode of Adventures of BTS. He was so talkative when he was excited about something.

“And Jimin-ah! He could tell that Yoongi-hyung was falling a bit behind so he decided to stop walking. It’s a surprise that hyung had tolerated this much from us.” Taehyung laughs as he takes a sip of his accompanying soft drink, Coca Cola, while smiling. It was rare that he felt this comfortable when someone outside of Bangtan or his family, but this was why he loved YN. He felt safe and secure and he knew that her commitment to him was unwavering just as his was to her. “I’m talking too much about them.. aren’t I?”

YN shakes her head with a giggle. “Tae.. I know how much you love them. I don’t mind.” She beams as she steals another chocolate strawberry despite Taehyung whining earlier about wanting the dark chocolate one.

“Yah! You are just saying that to eat all the dark chocolate ones.. you haven’t even touched the white ones.” His smile crinkles up into moon crescents are how much of a baby she was. He always liked how youthful she was. It was reinvigorating for him to be unapologetically himself with someone who did the same.

YN is chewing on the tarty delicacy, “What? Ngh, no-“ She says as she pops another in her mouth. Taehyung only stares at her blankly for a moment before the smile returns to his face.

“Since you look cute wearing my shirt as you eat my food, I will let it slide.” He says with small chuckle. His free hand taps against the small nightstand table that they had turned into a restaurant platter. 

YN shifts in the ribbed chair and leans forward. “Then let me feed you!” She bats her lashes in her particular way that makes Taehyung go weak in the knees. She takes the initiative to bring her chair closer to his and leans forward, “Say Ahh~”

“Ah~” He song songs to her back to her in perfect key as his mouth makes a circular shape. His eyes are large and doe-like when they make eye contact. Her heart flutters like the first time.

YN picks up a medium-sized strawberry dipped in chocolate and brings it to his mouth for him to bite into it. The action is so innocent, but Taehyung aims to tease his baby whenever he can. He purposely bites into the tart fruit so that the juice coats her her fingers and his mouth before taking her fingers to lick the access chocolate-infused strawberry residue.

“Delicious,” He whispers as his eyes never leave hers. He knew how easy it was to charm her. She was wrapped around his finger.

YN bites down on her lip. If it were not for his teasing nature, she would have been perplexed by the blatant act of submission from him. The two of them often tried to outdo each other, but Taehyung’s strength and habit of spanking had considerable influence. “Do I taste good?”

“Show me.” He plays along, but he raises a brow knowingly as though to provoke her. The reaction his sly move elicits comes in the form of her returning her gaze back to her steak and bubbling on it shyly. His baby.

A few glasses of champagne later, Taehyung is tipsy. Despite not being one for alcohol, there was a certain charm about champagne and the girl that he loved that made the night all the more wondrous. Her presence in itself was intoxicating, but the sparkling alcohol softened the edge.

“Let me show you a trick, jagi.” Taehyung chirps to her as he opens the bottle with his signature move. It takes a mere flick of the wrist and a smug grin to make her laugh at how dorky, but cute he was. “Was Oppa cool?”

“Mmm. Was he?” YN likes to tease him, tapping her cheeks. She had no interest in drinking, but she was always eager to look after Taehyung if the time was right.

The lack of a compliment makes his lips pout; the small action complementing his hair that falls over his eyes. “You don’t think Oppa is cool?” His voice becomes higher in tone and he squeezes her hand to pull her closer. 

It was rare, but seeing Taehyung as a clingy boyfriend threw her heart into triple time. His grip on her hand was light, but still firm when he pulls her close and holds her in his arms. “Oppa.. I think you are cool..”

“아? 맞아요?” He asks with a small grin spreading across his face as he admires her soft features. The little debbtails about her are endearing and makes him want her even more. He giggles - a rare feat that he feels only with her. 

“오빠가 예뻐요.” YN whispers to him as she pecks his lips faintly. It is the times like this: when YN is in his lap and her arms are wrapped around his shoulders in a tight embrace that he feels the safest. 

The compliments makes him turn even more red and his face scrunches up into the sweetest arrangement possible. “아이고... 하지마..” The satoori drawl is evident when he speaks; the Standard Seoul accent that he picked up after years of living in Seoul gone from how flustered he feels. 

“My baby boy is so pretty,” She presses on while stroking his cheeks gently. Each touch leaves a trail of scarlet and Taehyung thinks he might faint from how charming she is. “Oppa is my baby boy.. right?”

Under normal circumstances, he would never give in to being her baby boy. He liked to think of himself as her protector, her lover, the one who was her equal and caregiver. He had been raised where the man always took control and stepped up to the plate when necessary, but taking a break from that was something he liked to do once in a while. Especially with her. 

“맞아..” he whispers into her chest so that he can hear her heartbeat. It beats to the same cadence and he wonders if he has ever felt this alive before. 

YN smiles alluringly in his direction and begins to push his hair back from his forehead to kiss his hairline. “Are you tired baby? We can rest-“

“No! I want to be awake for every moment with you.” He whispers as he nuzzles his face between her breasts before looking up at her. “I want to do something fun.”

YN hums, “Something fun?” This earns her a quick nod. “How about this.. remember the Van Gogh paint set I bought? Let’s work on that!”

His eyes immediately light up and he nods. He had been eyeing the set earlier, but figured waiting until Seoul when YN was no longer there would remind him of the lovely excursion in Paris. “Let’s do that!”

The excitement Taehyung feels bubbles through him as he carries her to the bed and then rushes to his luggage to take out the set she had tucked away. He moves so fast that his white shirt bunches where his plaid pajama pants begin before walking back to the bed where YN lays in one of his white shirts and briefs. 

“You can do Almond Blossoms and I’ll do Cafe Terrace at night!” He exclaims as he begins to move the table and lay out the protective paper onto the floor.

YN watches him with a smile before rushing to the bathroom to retrieve water for the brushes. “You remembered how much I love Almond Blossoms.”

“I know you love Rococo paintings the most.. and that one reminds me the most of it,” He admits shyly as he lays out the two canvases and mixed the colors eagerly. “Jagi?”

YN gives a noncommittal hum in response as she sits down beside him. “Mm?”

“사랑해.” He whispers as he lays his head in her lap as he stares up at her. “I love you.. so .. so much.” He whispers while kissing her hand.

“I love you too. More than anything or anyone else in this world.” She whispers to him quietly before pecking his forehead. “Let’s paint.”

Taehyung giddily paints with his head in her lap the warm hues that contrast with the cool color to create a nice depth in perspective. Still bubbly, his right hand never leaves her while he paints with his left. The little things like this made him happy that he was ambidextrous.

“You paint so well, Tae!” She exclaims as she looks over from her own painting to take a glance at his. It mimicked the original perfectly and she is reminded of the immense talent that Taehyung has into everything.

Taehyung blushes at the compliment and wraps her hand over his heart. “Do you know how fast my heart beats whenever you say things like this?” 

“I say it from my own heart to yours.” She replies with a small giggle as she brushes her nose against his own repeatedly. “I love you~.”

Taehyung giggles as he shifts to paint his initials onto her palm. “Mmm~ and now you are mine.” This prompts her to use her own brush to draw on his cheek.

“And now you are mine!” YN chirps in reply as they both burst into fits of laughter. His heart was racing instantly. “We are even now.”

Taehyung sits up before attacking her with tickles, while still being careful not to ruin the paintings as he climbs on top of her. 

“Tae-taehyung!” She says in a fit of laughter as she holds on to him while trying to get away from him, but she never goes too far.

The next morning, YN awakes from her slumber with Taehyung spooning her tightly. He always was a late sleeper, but he slept like a baby when he did. It makes her happy to see him content when they would exchange their struggles amongst each other in the best way an idol and a student could.

Being the little spoon had its own merits when it came to having warmth and the security of having someone there, but it also proved a struggle when trying to get get out of the bed in the morning. It is even more pressing when Taehyung snuggles himself deeper into her neck with a small whine of “아닌데..”

“Tae.. I have to pee.” She whines in response as she shifts to look at his sleepy eyes. Once more, the pout from last night is there and she remembers the cute displays of aegyo paired with Taehyung’s whining that kept her amused the entire night.

Not one to judge, Taehyung says two words only: “Hold it.” 

She bursts into laughter before squirming out of his embrace and wiggling out of the bed to stand up. “I’ll just order breakfast for us after, okay?”

Taehyung opens one eye of defiance and nods. “Okay.” He says simply as he cuddles the pillow to envision that it is her.

Eating together was the staple of their time together as Taehyung often asked to be fed and desired to feed her at every moment. His love language made him eager to give, but being in the receiving end made him happy too. The little domestic things, such as eating crepes in bed while they talked excitedly about what they should do for the rest of the day set both of their hearts aflame.

“Let’s go shopping.” YN suggests. The three words make Taehyung do a double take. For as long as he had known her, he knew the rarity in YN desiring to shop. “I want to buy you a present..”

Taehyung pouts slightly. “Yah.. I don’t want you to spend your money on me.”

“Tae.. I am buying you something.” She chirps as she feeds him another crepe and leans forward to wipe the powder from his upper lip. 

Not to be outdone, Taehyung holds up his finger. “On one condition.. I buy you something too.. I have a date planned for us tonight and you need a new dress.”

“A new dress?” She raises a brow to her hairline. Being in Paris was one thing, but with the style that Taehyung had, the dress would no doubt be a more than a month’s salary.

“Let me spoil you... please?” He asks in a soft tone as he takes her hand in his and kisses the back of it. “You will love it. I promise.”

Always one to give in, she only nods when he sends her his boxy smile. “Fine..”

Unbeknownst to her, Taehyung knew that tonight would be one to forever change their lives. Tonight was the night that he would propose to her and she would be his forever. The cross between lover to fiancée was what he anticipated the most each time he thought of the diamond ring burning a hole in his suitcase.

“I think you look beautiful,” Taehyung says as he loops his fingers into the fabric of the little black dress. The pout on her lips is evident from the knowledge of the price tag. She knew Taehyung and his appetite for fashion knew no bounds, but this?

YN turns slightly red as she looks in the mirror to turn slightly. “You really think so? The price.. Ah..”

“You don’t have to worry about it.. do you know how happy you have made me these passed three years as your boyfriend? No monetary amount can be put on that.” He whispers in her ear as he snakes his arms around her. “You look absolutely beautiful..”

“When did you learn to speak so prettily?” She asks with a visible pout as they sway from side to side. He has long discarded his tan jacket to feel more of her warmth.

Thank the heavens that the personal shopper had sensed the emotions running rampant and took an exit stage left.

“I wanted to sound like a native speaker.. you started learning Korean too.” He chuckles into her ear as he pulls back to spin her around. “I think you look amazing.. you have to wear this tonight.”

YN hums in reply, “Oh? You like this that much?”

“I love it,” He says with a small grin. The dress was simple, yet elegant. It was her style and complimented the more bold choices that Taehyung wore. “It’s classy and chic... just like you.”

YN turns to face him and bites her lip. “Sometimes it feels like you do all the giving and I just receive.. you wouldn’t even let me buy you that scarf from Gucci.”

“Jagi, I told you I don’t want you spending your money.” He whispers as he strokes her cheek gingerly. “Besides, your curves look amazing in this dress.”

YN plays with the hem of the dress. “I’m surprised you chose this one.. you are usually more.. traditional.” She raises a knowing brow.

“It’s only because I know you will look better without it on.” He whispers into her ear before clicking his tongue. His tone drops a single octave, making her feel weak in the knees as he tilts his head to the side. 

YN stares into his eyes, instantly detecting the seduction he was doting out for her. The tension was real and never was it more prominent when his hand danced along her thigh. “Then make haste on your promise.”

“We’re done shopping here!” Taehyung exclaims as he is greeted with the familiar Coco Chanel mnemonic. 

“Wow,” is all that Taehyung can say as he watches YN step out of the bathroom. For years, he had seen her as his darling girlfriend with the adjective ‘adorable’ enshrined with every thought of her. The allure of her charms manifested whenever she taught him something new, such as the sun’s ray of light is only what we feel eight minutes after it has passed, or her being flirty while toying with his hair and calling him his favorite honorific. However, this? The level of beauty that she was presenting to him was transcendent and left him resorting to the darkest parts of his desires. 

And who was he to say no to them?

YN feels a bit confident when she sees the surprised look on Taehyung’s face. She watches as it contorts from surprise into a look of satisfaction with the slightest hint of smugness. “I look good, don’t I?”

“So good,” He whispers as he crosses the path to snake his arms around her to draw her flush against his chest. “Almost do not want to leave here.. What if we just stay here?” He asks while pulling her to his lap and toying with the excess fabric of the dress. It’s amusing to him how it hugs her in all the right places and is reminded of what he has always known. She is beautiful both inside and out.

YN laughs, “The restaurant you booked for us will not take kindly to your cancelling.” She jokes playfully as she smooths out his blazer and pecks his lips. “Which… you still have yet to tell me which one it is or where it is?”

“Because I know you and that you would micromanage every detail and I can’t have my little jagi doing that~” He sing songs to her with a small smirk pressing on his lips. “Just now that we are not overdressed and tonight is going to be perfect.” And he means every word of it.

The drive to Le Jules Verne is nothing short of eventful, just as everything has always been when it comes to Taehyung. He could barely keep his hands off of her; the moment the taxi driver arrived, he was snaking his arms around her waist to hold her close and drawing small circles over her thigh absentmindedly. The nibbles along on her ear led to the string of giggles that never seemed to end the more that he kissed her and the caress against her bum was enough to make her turn red and whine to him the the taxi driver would see.

Taehyung could care less.

Tonight would be the night that he would pop the question, completely unbeknownst to her. He knew that Paris was the place for lovers, the place where reality and fantasy intersected in the west way possible. He also knew of her eagerness to practice her French while turning back to look at him and ask, ‘Did I look cool?’ as he smiled back to her in reassurance. Just seeing her smile was enough to bring him to his knees, but the way that she loved him ardently and never sacrificed what they had for the thoughts of others - that was what made him get on one knee to propose.

Their relationship had not been an easy one. Time and time again, insecurities flared during the long periods apart. Furthermore, despite ARMY being very loving and accepting in general to any and all of the loved ones that Bangtan adored, there had been many who loathed her with a passion and wanted to depreciate their love for each other with every possible excuse. Hoards of ARMYs swearing she did not love him enough when she did not attend a Korean university to be nearer to him. A long list of people complaining how she spent only the summer in Seoul for the sole purpose of keeping Taehyung away from the fans and the sole reason for his frowns when the smiles did not appear fast enough in interviews. The worst of it all had been them flooding her social media with hate comments, demeaning her personality, looks, and intellect to the point where private seemed the only viable option and even that opted for screenshots of her (rare) stories.

The fights had been terrible, especially when Taehyung began to question if she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Her worries of ‘not being good enough’ often fostered in her offering to set him up with other people or ‘let him go to find someone to make him happier’. His own insecurities began to flourish when she admitted that she did not turn to him first when it times of need and it festered when she told him that he no longer made her happy: nothing did. 

Nevertheless, the two persevered to be where they were now: Paris in the springtime. With his fingers entwined with hers while walking through the entrance of the Eiffel Tower to the second floor haute French restaurant, nothing could compare to the giddiness he was feeling. He is keenly aware of the coruscating lights that dot the beautiful structure, the epitome of Paris, and how bright her eyes look when she sees it It was her first time. It was her first time and she was able to experience with him.

“It’s.. It’s beautiful!” Her voice almost falls completely silent while staring up at the breathtaking structure built of iron widgets and the soul of France. Years of imagining her life in the romantic city is more than enough to bring her to tears and she covers her mouth. “Taehyung..” She whispers chastely as she turns to him.

Taehyung sends her a small boxy smile, just as he always had. The reliability of his grin was more than enough to make her feel more secure than ever. He does not budge when she throws herself into his arms and kisses the top of her forehead repeatedly. “I’m so glad that I get to experience your first time here… You look so beautiful when you’re happy.” He whispers as he shifts to peck her lips, “Now.. let’s get inside and we can walk around a bit more. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She smiles warmly as she holds on to him tightly with a fluttering heart and they make their way up the stairs and to the elevator.

After ordering their finest wine and the specialty, YN is left under the watchful eye of Taehyung. His stare was dark and alluring as he initiated hooky under the table. There was nothing that he loved more than to see her flustered because of him. There was something endearing about the way she was innocent to his dark desires.

Sexual encounters were not a forgotten moment for Taehyung the few times that they happened. The chemistry was there, no doubt, when his hand ghosted over her hip and he gave her the look prior to his voice octaves dropping. Her soft voice murmuring Oppa was more than enough for him to lose all control.  

“You’ve been staring at me,” YN murmurs with a blush as she brings the caramelized onion to her lips. 

Taehyung chuckles as he looks at her and unbuttons his suit as he returns back to his coq au vin. “It’s hard for me not to.. you look breathtaking tonight, just as you always do.”

His words send a flame across her cheeks and she finds herself growing even more shy in the process.

“I don’t think I will be able to control myself tonight.” He confesses after a sip of champagne and leans forward. “I couldn’t stop thinking about our time in Seoul.. after the final concert.” 

She did not know that it were possible, but she becomes the definition of red. She knew exactly what he meant: the concert adrenaline has rushed through Taehyung the night as he brought her back to his hotel room and ate her out for hours. He even refused to let her reciprocate after tugging at his hair repeatedly from the overstimulation. He let her fuck his face until she cried and murmured something about it not being the last time before falling asleep. 

 “I remember how pretty you sounded.. moaning 오빠 like the good girl you are. I even taught your stubborn self manners..” he drawls as his knee parts hers with a seductive purr. “I bet you’ll sound even prettier tonight.”

It takes everything in YN to not choke in reply to words of a siren. That was what Taehyung was, eager to make her his and submit to him. “I think it’s time you sound pretty too.”

“I want to.” He deadpans once his wine is finished and nods for the waiter to bring their dessert. “Let’s have dessert on the patio.”

“Patio?” YN asks with furrowed brows prior to dabbing the napkin across her lips for any excess residue. 

Taehyung nods as he takes her hand and brings her up. “Yes. We have to go right now.” He sing songs as he guides her to the biggest surprise of her life.

The proposal.

The ground is peppered with pink roses making a makeshift trail as Taehyung walks with their fingers entwines and his head is beating in triple time. Violins greet them with ‘winter bear’ playing lightly in the background to contribute more to the overall serenity. He had meticulously thought of everything by from the strawberry cheesecake dessert in the center of the patio and the flowers surrounding it.  Would she say yes? Surely she would. 

“Taehyung.. is this for us?” She asks, never letting go of his hand as she walks to the table with him and rests her arms in the table.

Taehyung nods as he picks up a fork and lifts a small bite of cheesecake to her mouth to feed her. “It is.. I thought you may enjoy the scenery a bit more.”

“You can see everything from here.. I would have never expected to be blessed with this view.” She confesses with a flustered look on her face. “I mean that ardently.. you make me feel secure.”

Taehyung smiles as he leans his head on her shoulder to feed her more. “I hope that I can always give you that security.. for the rest of our lives.”

“I hope so too.” She whispers as she picks up a strawberry that looks much larger than the others and her brows furrow. “This one is cute.”

His heart races. His ring was placed in the makeshift strawberry: this was the moment. “I think you should cut it, first.”

YN nods as she cuts into the juicy strawberry. She is careful to do so, having already an inkling of where this would be going. Was he proposing to her?

She nearly faints when she sees the silver band in the strawberry and to turns to see a beaming Taehyung. Her voice cracks in her throat, “T-taehyung.”

He sends her a warm smile as he gets down on one knee and he takes his hand out of his pocket. “YN-Ah..”

YN’s own heart is racing faster than ever as she fights back the tears that were beginning to well up in her eyes. “Tae.. Taehyung-Oppa..”

“Since the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were someone special in my life.” He begins as he thinks back to the words he spent countless times reciting to sound like a native speaker. “In the beginning, I thought of you as someone who I needed to take care of, to protect, and love, because you were so fragile.”

“But I was wrong.. you were so much more than a girl that I wanted to love. You were your own person and you never let me or anyone else dictate your life... I was never your only goal.. you loved me for me and continued to be yourself authentically whether or not it the outlook was pretty.” He licks his lips as his grip on the forehead velvet box tightens. “We had our own ups and downs, but that was what made us stronger. I showed you the ugliest parts of myself and you did the same. We learned to love each other as people first and then lovers.”

“They say love is blind and can change your perception of the world if you are not careful, but my vision became perfect when it came to you. You learned to read my emotions, understand the little things about me that I did not understand myself, and reminded me what it meant to be Kim Taehyung, not V. You gave me the normalcy that my job took away.. you even gave me that card.” He laughs as he tried to think of the name. “Bend.. bend a.”

She can’t help but smile with the way he looks at her knowingly. She always would correct him. “Ventra.. and you loved the CTA.” She laughs in the midst to stop herself from being on the brink of tears. How could he be charming even while cracking a joke? 

“The experiences we have had together helped me grow.. the times I felt isolated and alone, you were there to be strong even when you struggled too.” His thoughts drift back to her wiping away her own tears to console him, the reassurance that he needed was given to him. “You taught me how to be strong.. you taught me how to continue to go on when I no longer could fight anymore because as long as I had you, I had someone worth fighting for.”

“My parents.. they love you.” He says with a small grin on his face. “My family has been the only consistent entity that I have had since I became an idol. That was what I thought until I met you. You even began to learn Korean just to communicate with us at family dinner.. when you did that, I knew that I needed you as my wife.” 

“The sacrifices you’ve made to be with me have been great and not once have I ever thought of taking them for granted. Jagi.. you’re one in a billion and I am never going to let you go.” He smiles warmly. “I love all your little habits. I love how you overplan everything and even included me in them.” This earns him a shy chuckle. “I like how you treat Yeontan like our baby and swaddle him despite him hating it.. I like when you wake up at six in the morning to bake me cakes just because you feel like it.. the times you smile without reason and how infectious your laugh is.”

“It is the way you ask me about little decisions just to remind me that my opinion matters and how you keep me grounded.” He has to bite back his lip. “When I felt like giving everything up, you put my head in your lap and held me as I cried. You told me that you would always be there for me and that you would love me no matter what my decision was. I learned you loved me for me when I could not love myself that way.”

“So with this ring, I am asking you to not only be my wife, but to continue being my best friend, the mother of my children, and soulmate until our last breath. I will love you until the day I die.. for.. I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow.. so YN LN. will you marry me?” 

YN is brought to tears when he finishes. The trip down memory lane has made her feel all the more tied to him and she never wants to let go of him, ever. “Yes.. yes.. a million times yes!” She says as Taehyung stands to his full height and places the ring onto her finger.

“사랑해.” He whispers into her ear as he kisses her deeply. He wants to transmit every bit of emotion that he feels for her into the kiss with a shaking heart. He wants her to know that she is his first and his last. “정말 사랑해.  난 절대 널 떠나지 않을 거야.” he whispers quietly into her ear and rubs the small of her back.

(trans. I love you so much.  I never will leave you. )

After the engagement, the two lovers spent a few moments admiring the view of the Eiffel Tower for a few solemn moments. It was in this moment that they felt infinite and that the world could not throw anything in their way to stop their happiness. How many people were blessed to find their soulmate? Their better half? And all without compromising themselves as people? It was transcendent.

The ride back home goes off without a hitch; the two eagerly embracing each other in every way possible in the backseat as their emotions begin to bubble up. They had taken it to the next level: engaged to be married! 

“I want you so bad,” He whispers into her ear with a grunt in the elevator as his hand finds chase on her thigh. All he can think about is making love to her as his fiancée. The dress wraps around her curves like a glove and he thinks she will look so much better without anything on. “Want your pretty mouth moaning my name as I eat you out.”

She gasps as he presses her against the mirrored elevator with his face buried in her neck to leave a hickey. Taehyung had a terrible habit of marking her, especially where anyone could see. She once loathed turtle necks, but with his habit, there was no choice but to give in the the made her feel so good. 

“Can’t wait to fill you up with my cum,” He grunts into her ear as he parts her legs with his knee to grind his hard member against her clothed sex. Normally refined, Taehyung was a man starved. “You’re not going to remember any other name but mine when I am done with you, jagi.”

He grips her hips to grind her forward to show how hard he was, “Look at how fucking hard oppa is for you. You like seeing your oppa wanting you?” He does not stop his ministrations when the elevator door opens and guides her to their Parisian suite that he seemed to know like the back of his hand. 

“I love it so much, Taehyung.” She moans as he presses her against the door and fumbles to get the room key from his blazer. The lack of honorific makes him growl before leaving another love bite on her shoulder. “I-I mean oppa.”

He chuckles darkly once the door is open and pulls her in swiftly to pin her against the door. “I guess I have to remind you who you belong to then.. huh?” He asks smugly.

“You’ll look so good with my cock buried inside of you..” He whispers before hoisting her up and carrying her to the bed. He moves at the speed of lightning, kissing along her inner thigh while undoing her shoes without much trouble. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to make love to you? And now I get to do it as my wife.”

“Wife-to-be…” She corrects as he lifts the dress over her hips and makes her sit up.

Taehyung scoffs, “Wife.” He repeats quietly before attacking her with another kiss. His hands roam around her body, focusing on each crevice and curve that entices him more while grinding his cock against her wet sex. She was practically dripping when his fingers slipped between her satin underwear. “You’re so wet for me already?”

“Mmm.” She moans while looking at him, “Let me take care of you first.. oppa.” 

Her purr makes Taehyung stop for a moment. As a man who loved to be in control, he did not want to stop himself from eating her out for hours and then thrusting into her tight cunt for the first time. Yet, the offer is far too enticing when he remembers how her pretty lips look wrapped around his cock and he can’t say no.

So he doesn’t. 

Taehyung rolls off of her to admire how she looks in her lacy black bra with matching panties. Every curve of her body is evident and he knows that he has hit the absolute jackpot. How could anyone be that intelligent, charming, and sexy? Her worries of always being the lesser in the relationship were ill-founded.

“I bet oppa can’t wait to get his fat cock sucked by his princess, can he?” She provokes him with the vulgar language while unbuckling his belt and tossing it to the side. He sits back, amused, at the seductive sway of her hips. “Lift your hips.”

She does so without problem.

She remains on her knees as she begins to stroke the underside of his cock through his boxers. Her eyes then avert from his nether regions to his eyes with a shy smile, “You should tell me how it feels.”

“And let you know how good you are making me feel? Aish..” He groans, the satoori lacing into his words while grinding his hips into her palm for more friction. “Don’t tease me…. I want to feel how tight you feel around my big, fat cock when you clench so hard around my fingers.”

YN remains amused as she rests an elbow on his knee and lets her head rest on her left hand, “You like knowing that you’re the only person to be inside of me.. don’t you?” 

“I fucking love it,” He grunts when she flicks her wrist just the way he likes it and it has him jutting his hips slightly more forward in the process. “Want to fill you up so badly… I want to cum inside of you.”

The lewd confession makes her turn red, but it only ignites her confidence to push forward as she tugs his boxers down to her ankles to be met with his standing cock that slaps his stomach. His dress shirt is crinkled and the blazer at his shoulders sags down as he stares at her knowingly.

“Be a good girl and suck my cock, won’t you?” He asks with the tone of a siren. He is alluring in all ways, the dark stare I this eyes and the smug look from looking down at her. It turned him on to see the girl with such high standards and work ethics reduced to his good girl wrapped around his finger. 

And he knew she liked it too.

YN hollows her cheeks as she begins to pump the base of his cock. She can almost feel how wet she is when small moans of pleasure begin go erupt from Taehyung. She loved how his deep voice sputtered with each stroke of her tongue.

“Fuck, fuck, just like that.” He grunts in pleasure as his hips buckle forward to hit the back of her throat. “Such a good girl and all for me.” He rasps before slapping her ass.

Taehyung has to wonder how she’s gotten better at sucking cock for a few moments before he pushes her off when he feels a knot begin to form in his stomach.

“Want to eat your pretty pussy out,” He says as he picks her up and pins her against the satin sheets. Her cheeks flush red at his lewd words and he asks himself how he managed to be so lucky to have a girl like her.

He quickly discards the black lingerie that adorns her skin and he mentally thanks himself for sneaking it in last minute. It hugs her every curve and he only wants more of her. All thoughts of before disappear once he spreads her knees and places an open mouthed kiss over her wet cunt.

“아름다운,” He whispers before spitting onto her cunt and takes her fully into his mouth. The reaction is instantaneous when she nearly folds into two and he laughs in response. It sends a vibration against her clit which only makes it more amusing to him when he has to hold her still. “Baby, stay still.”

Before she can protest, he flicks her clit with his tongue and never looks away from her with such intensity that she feels like she will faint. Kim Taehyung was a force to be reckoned with and she had no qualms learning how to reckon him. He draws figure eights over the hem of nerves to elicit a string of whimpers from her. 

“Tae - tae -taehyung-“ she chokes out when he decides she is to his liking and begins to thrust a finger inside of her tight, wet cunt. 

Taehyung pins down her leg to rest his chin on top of it. “How do you call me properly?”

“Taehyung!” She cries when he adds another finger and thrusts deeper into her. She was so tight that it made him wonder if he would fit.

“Taehyung.. what..” he provokes in a darker tone. “Be a good girl and say it. Just me and you here.” He adds another finger and increases his speed. She’s almost a sobbing mess when he purposely brushes against her g-spot. “자기~.”

She squirms more in his embrace to cause more friction, but it is to no avail. “Taehyung.. 제발..”  she whimpers to him. “오빠..” she cracks.

“Good girl,” Taehyung whispers before curling his fingers inside of her and soon she completely becomes putty in his arms. She cums all over his fingers, her hips still twitching with he brushes the inside of her folds. “괜찮아?” 

YN nods as her chest rises and falls periodically. “Yes..” she sits up before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulls him on top of her. “I’m ready,”

“I know you are.” He teases as he shows her the white substance that coats his fingers and licks it slowly. “You taste like you’re ready too..”

“I want to be on top.” She says before using all her pressure to climb on top of him. Despite knowing her nature, it still throws Taehyung for a loop. 

Taehyung thinks she’s sexy when she takes charge. He likes it even more when she lets him guide her hips onto his throbbing cock that was beginning to drip precum . 

“I’m on the pill,” YN says with a blush on her cheeks. 

Taehyung chuckles for a moment as he continues to stroke the base of his cock for a few moments with the remainder of her cum. “So you knew this would happen?”

“No.. I just thought..” she turns as red as a tomato.

“I’m not really a fan of condoms.” Taehyung confesses with a chuckle. “So I like the idea of fucking your tight pussy raw.. but I’ll pull out just to be sure.”

“Mmm,” she nods as she finally sinks down so just the head of his cock was pressing against her folds. “Fuck..”

“You can take more..” Taehyung coos as he pushes her hair behind her shoulder to begin leaving kitten licks across her collarbone. 

“I can.. you’re so big..” she whimpers as she places her hand in his shoulders to take more of him. Taehyung has to take a sharp breath when she clenches around him so hard. She wasn’t even at half of his cock yet and he felt like he was seeing stars.

Taehyung smiles at her, “Your pussy is all wet and tight.. just for me, yeah?” He asks with a click of his tongue. He was growing a bit impatient with this; how could he focus when she was clenching around him so tightly?

“Shit..” she whispers one last time before sinking onto his cock completely. Her walls cling around taehyung tighter than ever, making him want him to take all of her.

“Can I thrust up?” He asks, eager to move. She felt so good around him that he struggled to keep his self control. 

She gives him a commital hum of approval, “Mm,” She can barely think straight when his hands up both of her hips to piston his hips deeper into her tight sex. She can feel his pulsating cock as it begins to fill her walls, “Fucking hell Taehyung-“

“You sound so pretty when you take my cock like the good girl you are,” He rasps prior to slapping her ass. His grip only tightens with each thrust; each of his actions only embolden when he hears her soft mewls of pleasure. “Who knew you were a good cockslut for me, huh, baby?”

“Oh - shut up -“ She can barely choke out the words when Taehyung brushes against her g-spot ever so slightly.

What a fucking tease he was.

Taehyung is not fairing any better than her, especially not when her walls clench around his throbbing cock. As generous as he is, it’s hard for him to not chase after his own high when she makes him feel this good. He seriously thinks he must have saved the country in his past life to have all of her to himself.

“Just like that, babygirl. You feel so tight around me. I bet you’ll be cumming all over my fat cock soon. Huh?” He remarks cockily as his fingers find her clit to draw figure-eight’s on the sensitive bud. She nearly doubles over from how well he seems to know. 

Each time he thrusts into her, he bottoms out inside of her to the point of no return. “T-taehyung-“ She stammers out, “I’m close-“

“Fuck, me too baby.” His voice lowers an octave from the pleasure that was soon to arrive. “Can’t wait to cum all over you,”

His thrusts become quicker in speed as he repeatedly begins to hit her g-spot; each time sending her into another wave of pleasure. Her hips ritochet from how good it feels.

“I’m c-cumming,” She chokes out as her arms wrap around his shoulders, holding him tighter from the impending euphoria. No one even came close to making her feel this good. Ever.

Smirking, Taehyung knows all too well. “You can’t wait for me like a good girl, huh?” It’s a shock that his voice manages to stay stable when his cock is seconds away from exploding with pleasure. “I’m close too baby-“

“Fu-fuck!” She stutters out with another thrust of Taehyung’s hips into her wet core before she soon cups all over his cock. She wilts into his arms while lazily lifting her hips to the same cadence of Taehyung’s pistoning hips.

The wind is nearly knocked out of him as he pulls out of her quickly as his own high rapidly rushes toward him. Her pussy was so wet and tight that it was milking him for all that he had, “Fuck-“  He grunts as he pumps his cock once, twice, three times before spilling onto his stomach.

Only the sound of heavy breathing fills the suite as Taehyung pulls her close into his arms and kissing her temple. 

“You’re sticky,” She whines with a pout as Taehyung only laughs in response.

“You should help me clean up.” He provokes with a brow raise at the girl. 

Never one to back down from a challenge, she only rolls her eyes in faux disapproval. “You know where that will leave us..”

“I do,” He whispers as he stares into her eyes with that longing look of his he had always sent her. “It’ll leave us together. Here. In Paris,” He always had been too romantic for his own good, too romantic for her to say no to any of his ideas.

“And if we end up spending all of our time on top of each other? Instead of actually exploring Paris?” She presses on; the chase was always fun between the two of them. The push and pull only end up right back with one another.

“Mmm. We’ll always have Paris.” Taehyung whispers lazily before closing the distance between the two of them with a full heart and a new petal of lust blooming in his chest.

 -   -    -   -   -

Don’t be a stranger and let me know what you think! Let me know if there should be another part too.

[mdhwrites]

Why Does Amity Love Luz?

Someone asked me that and I felt like expanding my thoughts on it for everyone. The short summary version is that Luz, from who she is, what she believes in, and what she does, is Amity's dream and then proved she herself was all of that and more as a person. A nice girl who made things simple who rewarded Amity for being who she is, all while both push each other to be better.

Now let's break some of that down. What is Amity's dream first? Well, what is it that's wrong with her life? She has parents who ask everything of her just so she can be accepted, siblings who break the rules and get praised regardless of breaking the rules and just being kind of awful people, she has a task she has put in front of herself that for a 14 year old with no support can seem impossible, and every attempt she has made to connect with people has ended surface deep at most or were taken away from her if they grew to be something more. Even expressing her happier side has ended up hurting people (the thorn vault), something she obviously hates to have ever done but being cruel and mean has always been what she's taught and shown as working and rewarded.

But then there's Luz. This girl who at first seems to be just another person like her siblings. She broke the rules and got her in trouble after all. But... She also apologized. And in the Convention, she recognized that she was in the wrong. Gave Amity the win in spite of how much it would mean sacrificing due to their oath, in spite of showing how hard she was trying to be a proper witch and how much that means to her, just like Amity. Then she could have abandoned Amity in the library but wanted to apologize to her instead. Didn't abandon her like everyone else. At every turn that Luz could be like the rest of her world, like everything she knows, she turned around and came back to show Amity this world that seemed impossible. A world where the good are rewarded. A world where connection makes people stronger, not weaker. A world where you can be happy, strong, and true to yourself, all with proof from Luz's hard work

Of course, a dream is sweet but I think that it has grown to be more. After all, while Luz was at one point a glimpse into a place in the universe where she could be everything she wanted, she's been taught hard lessons in what that sort of thing can lead to. But Luz is also the girl who loves Azura like her. Who thinks school is the coolest thing and wants nothing more to learn everything, just like her. She's the nice girl who will celebrate every one of Amity's accomplishments, big or small, because they're victories, not just assumed. She's cute, she's happy, she's everything Amity could want. Even the flaws Luz has, caring too much, not thinking things through, those are things that feed into Amity's love for how much Luz just loves life and those around her.

From a writing standpoint, Amity's love makes absolute sense because everything that Amity wants in life, truly wants and not just what she claims to want or the career she desires, is embodied by Luz which is GOOD. While love can bloom from anything, writing a proper romance should feature the two finding something in the other that they desire in general. A shy character loving a rough and tough, scary person because that same brute also is always there, loyal, and solid as a rock so they never have to be afraid makes sense because stability and security is something that character is going to want. An energetic character who gets in trouble wanting someone who seems to always know what to do, can keep cool under pressure, and can bring them quiet makes sense because getting in trouble sucks and very few people want to be running at top speed at all times, especially without direction. Direction a partner could give them. This is part of the whole "Opposites attract" concept too because everyone wishes their weakest points were covered somehow and the one you love is supposed to always be there to support and help you so that seems like a natural adhesive to those problems.

Short version of the writing lesson: A good romance is based on a desire the character would have no matter what being fulfilled by another character who's general actions also just make them happy. Of course, these are all just my thoughts and opinions and I would love to hear what you all have to say.

[fandom-oracle]

Wait wdym? Do you think fic is bad?

i'm getting canceled tonight i guess.

if you actually did a good a faith interpretation of my post you know it's not really ABOUT fanfiction at all, i actually write fanfiction myself. i'm not sharing here because it's overwhelmingly bad fic that i write exclusively as wish-fulfilment or for self-projection, but at least i'm self-aware about it. i am ALSO one of the people who reads ze Books™️, although most of the academic material i consume are nonfiction, so this whole thing is particularly annoying to me. the crux of the matter is that, if you're a little younger you might've missed it, but this website was a hotbed of scalding takes like 'dante's divine comedy is literally fanfiction', 'something something is literally fanfiction' when the thing in question barely counts as a transformative work and, in fact, it weakens the definition of transformative work in itself to try to apply it to literally anything that exhibits an ounce of intertextuality. plenty of takes that are... true, but require some nuance, focused on the idea of transformative fandom as a place defined by its presence of overwhelmingly female and disproportionately queer (occasionally, though disputedly, nonwhite) content creators and the ways in which transformative fan content could be interpreted as a space of defiance to cisheteropatriarchy in the way it permeates traditional media. a third, less common but still relevant take was the focus on how certain fandoms such as trek and doctor who have a long history of involvement in real-world civil rights issues and progressive politics. so this kind of take has been the dominant view on tumblr and transformative fandom for a good decade now, perhaps longer, and the people with this kind of takes can sometimes be a little... obnoxious. and the majority of people on transformative fandom (regardless of wether or not the fandom is disproportionately composed of nonwhite individuals or not, by sheer virtue of american demographics and this site`s heaily skewed userbase, the majority will still be white) are white, and like any other space dominated by white people, fandom has often been a vehicle for white supremacy. "Stitch Media Mix" talks about this in-depth. the discourse on fandom racism and ways in which transformative fandom as a whole contribute to racialized stereotypes, hierarchies, and deeper problems within online culture has led to a lot of people with grievances with fandom, many of whom are women of color, to develop an entire online identity built around the concept of being "critical of fandom", which is a very weird thing to do with fandom is literally billions of people, not a unified demographic, and that being critical of something can mean a WIDE amount of things; which in turn has led to a lot of people insulating themselves completely from any criticism of fandom as being inherently in bad faith, which a weird thing to do when literally ANY sphere of society should be open to criticism. people taking critiques of media they consume and taking critiques of their own critiques as personal attacks are abound here and make everything worse. so a fairly recent (mid2018ish, definitely post the insanity of reylo discourse but before sarah z blew up in popularity) trend has been that people in these communities isolate more and more and the general discourse has effetively resulted in people with differing takes in fanfiction specifically but fandom as a Whole (which is, again very weird to say because fandom is not 'a Whole' because there's no unifying element to different fandoms) only interacting with each other in hostile ways. and increasingly, in my personal sphere, a lot of people are positioning themselves in the "fandom critical" (AGAIN, WEIRD THING TO SAY, WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN, PLEASE USE WORDS WITH PRECISION) sphere, and I tend to take that "side" myself, but i specifically do not think framing this as a team A or team B thing is useful. this culture war was in the buildup.

last week a post by a user i follow recently became popular. the post itself was a critique that i.. do not necessarily agree with. it was ultimately about the idea of easily-consumable popular media being seen as an acceptable form of exclusive media engagement by people in the "pro-fandom" sphere, and how the insidiousness of this line of thinking has to do with how capitalist media production is designed to spread, and how fandom AS A TREND, not specifically any individuals or any fanworks, can empower capitalism. the post specifically did NOT use the kindest possible words, but that was what they were trying to say. howelljenkins also has really good takes on the subject, albeit from a different angle.

anyway because this is a circular culture war, the result was as follows: 1) a bunch of pro-fandom types refuse to actually make a charitable reading of the post and insist the user in question hates fandom and thinks people under capitalism shouldn't have things that are Fun, and should Only Read Theory and keep sending anon hate to several blogs in the opposing sphere, therefore proving the point that fandom sometimes prevent people from being able to engage critically with things; 2) a bunch of anti-fandom types who defined their entire identity on hating fandom being like "haha look at these cringe people" instead of trying to understand why a demographic overwhelmingly composed of marginalized people would feel strongly to posts that use inflammatory language against an interest of theirs, thereby proving the point that most criticism of fandom is divorced from actual fan content and is vaguely defined. the reason this is a culture war that actually deserves attention (unlike most fandom culture wars, which are just really granular ship wars made into social justice issues for clout) is that, for the most part, both of these groups are mostly people with college degrees, many of whom will contirbute to academia in the coming years. fan studies is a relevant field. these discussions have repercussions in wider media criticism trends, and this is why i can't really stand it or just passively ignoring it the way i do with most other inconsequential discourse. like it's genuinely upsetting seeing almost every single tumblr user, most of whom should know better, patting themselves in the back for their inability to read things in a way that doesn't feed into preexisting cultural hostilities in fan spaces.