#it does also make me happier though. which is the real goal

[patronsaint-prometheus]

I don’t have any intelligent thoughts to share I just want everyone to look at him real quick.

[shippofuri]

Thoughts on Lycion's identity, species, gender. (CW: mentions of internalized transphobia)

as someone who is trans and has species dysphoria (and whose transness is intrinsically linked to species dysphoria, the human female form being too exaggeratedly human to feel comfortable in) it feels a bit odd when people exclusively discuss Lycion's body dysmorphia as exclusively a trans allegory (which is a perfectly reasonable read! but it can be more than that...) seemingly without much awareness that people who are like him, and especially trans people who are like him in a more literal sense exist... So I figure, as one of those people, I might give some observations on Lycion, along with some anecdotes of my own experience and how it parallels it, how his characterization reflects real-world struggles- both literally and as a trans narrative, and why I appreciate characters like him so much.

What is fascinating (but also so relatable!) to me, both when viewed in a literal sense and as a trans allegory, is that Lycion does not actually have a particular affinity to another species, but rather feels a visceral discomfort with his own elven body.

We even see in his raceswap portraits, Lycion is visibly happier as anything but an elf. Unlike Laios, who wants to become a monster, Lycion doesn't want to become anything in particular, he simply wants to stop being an elf.

Most depictions of transgender characters in media are focused on the idea of wanting to become something. Feeling in your heart you were always meant to be a boy or a girl or perhaps some secret third thing. Having a specific goal. What is less often depicted is the experience of I don't want to be what i was born as, I'd rather be anything else but this. anything is better than this. And, in both my struggles with gender and with my own humanity, this has been my experience!

Of course, there are a great many creatures I look at and think "I would be much happier if i were one of them", but those feelings are broader and less pressing than the overwhelming discomfort with my own body, and the desire to be less human. I aspired to masculinity and ultimately pursued transition not out of a particular affinity with any idea of maleness, but because masculine human features, to me, appear more animalistic, less of a strange naked thing that sticks out like a sore thumb in the grand scheme of things. And so too did Lycion pursue becoming a beastman, not because he felt a particular affinity with being a wolf, but because it would make him less of an elf.

And after pursuing it, even though he still has to spend much of his time as an elf, Lycion is far more comfortable, no longer nihilistic and self-destructive. He's confident, prideful even! He has a body that doesn't feel wrong, even if he can only wear it sometimes.

And, myself having been on HRT for nearly four years now, i have to say my experience has been much the same! Even though, of course, I'm still human, my dysphoria has essentially been eliminated, I feel comfortable in my body, and I genuinely like the way I look. I admire my reflection and find joy even in the changes that i was merely indifferent to the possibility of when beginning my treatment, and it even eased some issues completely unrelated to gender...!

Finally, Laios' dismissal of Lycion's identity here feels very reminiscent of people casting doubt on a trans (most often nonbinary) individual's identity due to transitioning for what they view as "the wrong reason", even at times arguing that only people who meet their personal standard for transness should be allowed access to transition. And like with Laios, who himself wishes to become a monster, these arguments are often coming from within, from others in the trans community.

Is someone who identifies as male because they don't want to be female less justified in their desire to pursue transition than someone who doesn't want to be female because they identify as male...? Should people be denied the right to feel comfortable in their own skin because they are seeking to escape something, rather than reaching for something specific...? Of course, you know what my answer is, but I digress.

[laurasbailey]

hey, sorry to come out of nowhere with this, feel free to ignore! just wanted to get a bit of perspective on the c3 negativity i've been seeing for so long, which i've tried and failed to avoid and has been bumming me out more than i would like. this is my first campaign, it has brought me so much joy and company, but every time i end up reading a deeply negative take i can't really shake off the feeling that they're actually right, cause some of it makes sense to me and i can't unsee that. i know i'm being paranoid about it and truly setting myself up to be miserable and ruin the whole thing, which at this point i might've already done, but i just get sad wishing i could've had experienced the things everyone raves about (like different pacing and a lot of RP) for this campaign, which i'm so close to. do you think c3 is actually, objectively, worse or shallower than the previous ones? is there truth to the criticism (about it being too plot-driven, about the characters making each other worse and not being a good fit for this story, about the cast not being as into it and so on) or is the internet being the internet, and i should basically touch grass? it's not like i would drop it, honestly, i'm just sad thinking about how this story and these characters could've worked out if the "quality" was the one i keep seeing everyone talk about in regards to c1/c2. i know it's not that deep and it shouldn't matter in the long run, i'm just struggling a bit to not give in to the negativity and wanted to get your take on it, as someone's who's navigated this fandom longer! and again, truly sorry for the unprompted rant and thanks in general for being cool and taking the time to make gifs and recaps :)

you said it's brought you joy and company and it's seeing the negativity that's starting to ruin it, which is, honestly and sadly, a common thing that happens in online fandoms. negativity will bring the mood down regardless, because it just spirals into further misery. personally i stopped looking at fandom opinions and i've been a lot happier ever since! half the stuff you've said in here i've never heard before, that's how off the grid i am now lmao.

to answer your question, no, i don't think c3 is necessarily "worse" because, while people are entitled to their opinion, i think that's such a lazy, basic ass way of looking at it. also i just don't think a dnd game with people who are storytellers for a living can be shallow unless that's their goal, quite frankly. are there aspects of c3 i dislike? of course! but the same is true for all campaigns. there were parts of c2 i thought were very weak, despite the entire internet praising it like the second coming of jesus. there are things i think c3 does better than c2, even. and there are things c1 does better than both c2 and c3, and so on.

do i like that most of the campaign has been bells hells vs. a ticking clock? not really, it does mean certain sacrifices are made. do certain characters get on my last nerve? absolutely (but that's not exclusive to c3 lmao). at the same time though, i get the three women front and centre of the main plot, which has never happened before. i get a laura/marisha character romance after watching them have great chemistry for years. i get c1-level stakes and fantastic female npcs/villains, which c2 was mostly lacking. i get ashley full time (!!!) coming out of her shell and being her best and most chaotic self. and i get SO MUCH of the c1 characters? i'm fucking spoiled if you ask me.

maybe some of the criticism is very real and warranted (again, haven't seen it and don't plan to) but at the end of the day, this isn't my game of dnd or yours or any of the viewers'. we are literally watching other people play an improv game where they're crying one minute and making dick jokes the next, you just have to be along for the ride. going into the campaign with certain expectations is really silly and critiquing it the way you would a tv show just doesn't work. also unless these people are friends with the cast and speaking to them irl, how could they possibly know they aren't enjoying it as much like be serious 💀

i'm gonna be so honest here: idk if the people who are constantly spouting negativity are just miserable, but they sure look it! also stupid! why? because normal people who hate something simply ✨ stop watching and move on ✨. sure, hatewatching can be fun if you and your friends are in someone's living room or discord call shooting the shit, but doing it online day after day after day? honestly i just feel sorry for those people. happy people do not spend their time throwing essays worth of negativity up for the big wide world to see! how do i know this? because i was that person in my teens and i was severely unlikeable!

if you've enjoyed something without the bias of someone else's opinion, then you've enjoyed it! but your opinion can also change as the campaign goes, that can also be true! i would be interested to hear the reasons you loved it initially, because i think you'll find that most of that core stuff is present in all three campaigns.

the recent plot of c3 has been more stressful than any plot in previous campaigns, so understandably people have big feelings. my advice: the block button is your friend but so is the follow button! criticism is healthy, find people who deliver it in a way that's not some whiny entitled baby. letting someone else's opinion influence yours will never make you happy.

[runimanio]

2024 Game Clear #26 Dragon Quest Monsters: The Dark Prince

Ya'll I'm so happy that Square Enix is finally localizing DQM games again after we missed out on 3 whole Monsters games in the 3DS era, The first DQMJoker is one of my favorite childhood games so when this was announced during a Nintendo direct last year I was hooting and hollering. (slight spoilers below)

And while the game does make some choices that I'm not sure that I really love, I still had a good time with it! I've uh actually haven't played Dragon Quest 4 which this is a prequel too (I'm gonna play it next I just kinda wanted to see how well this game could function as a prologue of sort) but I adore the idea of trying to become king of monster-kind as a premise for a Monster game, it's a neat premise but I do kinda feel like the game gives away some of it's power near the end in favor of a happier ending, I suppose that I wanted to slowly continually decay into a tragic villain but I guess the idea that friendship can save anyone from a tragic fate is pretty powerful tooo i guess...

speaking on that, Psaro talks in DQ4 right? they make the choice to keep him silence, and i'm not sure if I really like it, I don't really have a problem with silence protagonists but Psaro has more active motivations and machinations within the plot than the average silence hero, I can see the argument that keeping him silence helps keep the player at a distance from Psaro just like how he keeps everyone else around him at a distance but I still don't know if it personally works all that well for me.

There's also a lot of pointless "yes or no" dialog trees where if you say the opposite of what Psaro wants the game will just ignore you. i'm not sure why they even really exist at all... though it is funny that you can keep looping the bad ending after Tolien travels back in time to stop you.

But all that aside, i still really did enjoy the story despite my minor grips, and gameplay wise once synthesis gets unlocked, it gets really addictive, constantly scouting and fusion monster together to make your collection more powerful is such a fun gameplay loop, it's easy to constantly compare these type of games to Pokémon and criticizing them for not doing certain things as well as Pokémon, but they're different games, with different goals then what Pokémon sets out to do.

Pokémon gameplay loop tends to be about getting attached to your the Pokémon you catch, watching them evolve and grow more powerful throughout the course of the game, most people will still have their starter on the team for the entire game and you get a real attachment to your creatures by the endgame.

On the flipside in a DQM game you'll probably won't have any of the specific monsters that you used in the early game by the time you reach the end. Power comes at cost and if you want good monster to beat the bosses with your gonna have to sacrifice some monster to synthesis if you want to progress, apposed to Pokémon where at least for the main story stuff you can pretty much just win with favorites, neither style is necessarily better or worst their just different flavors that'll appeal differently to different people

Still if you want a monster catcher game that's not Pokémon, highly recommend you check this out, there so much room in this genre for more than just Pokémon

[cherry-velvet-skies]

I'm bored and depressed so let's rate each of the Beatles different eras based on how they looked because I can't think of anything else that would make me happier right now 🤭💕

I'm doing this individually, and we're starting with George because where the fuck else would we start but with our resident It Girl 💅🏻

Teddy Bear (Pre-Beatles Era)

I'm not a huge fan of the Teddy Era myself but I have no choice but to respect it, as George does look good

This is the only time his hair is up instead of down during Beatles Era but it's still cute

He knew what look he wanted and stuck with it. I admire the dedication.

7/10 because if I saw him at a party or something he would definitely catch my attention

Bowl (1962-63)

I'm not a fan and honestly I don't think George was either

As we know he hated having his hair cut, and they gave him the most cringe hairstyle ever and he just had to deal with it

But since he's George and he looks cute regardless it doesn't look as bad as it should have lmao

6.5/10 because George will never receive less than a 6 he is physically incapable of looking bad. The extra half point is also because I find the unibrow quite endearing 🤭

Mop Top (1964-65)

Out of all the bowl-cut renditions this one is by far my fave

Every time I rewatch AHDN and Help! I can't get over how cute he looks

When it would get messy and become Onion Hair™️ >>> (see Beatles For Sale album cover for reference)

7.5/10 because it's cute but not my all-time favorite George era. Would definitely be an honorable mention though

Shaggy (1966)

Softest era yet tbh

This was around the time they went to India so it's very clear that George is soon going to enter his truest form

They're not pictured, but this was also the era of the tiny circle sunglasses, which were an unbelievable serve

9/10 and I want to kiss him on the tip of his nose

Spiritual Awakening (1967)

yes Yes YES

Long hair + mustache combo = hot sexy realness

I must also address the fact that I never thought facial hair was attractive until George. That's how much I love this

10000/10 absolutely perfect no complaints ever I'm in love 😍

Victorian Vampire Realness (1968)

Also known as Cherry's Gender Goals

The only era where I can say I actually look like him 😌

I feel like it's missing something with the lack of facial hair, but the difference is not that significant

9/10 based on vibes alone, and I only deducted a point because I simultaneously want to be him and be with him. This confuses me.

Get Up and Go (1969) (pls tell me you get that reference)

I hope to someday be even a percentage of how stylish this man is

The grown out shag and mustache does something to me 🥴

I watch the scene of him practicing his slide routine wayyy more than I should...

120000/10 I wanna run my fingers through his hair while we make out

Hippie Jesus (1970)

There are several versions of this look, and the ones where his hair is a bit shorter is the preferred one for me.

Here, however, he looks like a whimsical forest entity and I have a certain appreciation for that

He looks very warm and cozy and that makes me want to hug him. I feel he would give amazing hugs 🥰

7.5/10 and I want to braid his hair

Sophisticated Gardener (1971-72)

Okay. HEAR ME OUT.

I'M NOT A FAN OF BEARDS. We have already discussed that. SO WHY THE FUCK AM I SO ATTRACTED TO THIS

I do not like how hot he looks like this. It confuses me to the point that it turns me on even more.

43625749/10 I wanna lay on a blanket in his garden and make love for hours 🥵🥵🥵

Pantene Commercial Applicant (1973)

DO YOU SEE HOW GLORIOUS HIS HAIR LOOKS

Paired with a mustache and oh my god I am on my knees

He also looks amazing in hats. Any and all hats 😁

100/10 he looks majestic and I wanna know his hair care routine

Dark Horse Gender Thief (1974-75)

Alright listen here bitch (affectionate)

If I don't look like this or exude this energy at some point in my life I am going to be very upset

The BDE is off the charts and the proof of existence is irrefutable.

1000/10 he's sexy and we ALL know it. In my mind we're kissing on the mouth but whatever 😤

Crackerbox Poodle (1976)

soft bby

wanna have tea and cookies with him (I don't even like tea but I would do it for him)

cuddles and blankets on cold winter days ftw

10/10 he would get me out of a depressive episode when no one else could 🥺💕

Permalicious (1977-78)

Dilf (Literally. This was around the time Dhani was born)

Not a huge fan of perms but he still looks cool

The was also the continuation of the cardigan era from '76 so let's just say now I'm picking up on some hipster vibes if you know what I mean

9.5/10 I'd let him take me on a museum date and then to an overpriced coffee shop (I don't like coffee either but you get it). Would probably make out with him too.

Mullet Dad(dy) (1979-80)

Hawaiian shirts and tacky necklaces we love to see it

THE EARRINGS OH MY GOD THE EARRINGS

He was so handsome in this era AND FOR WHAT

10/10 I'd sleep with him if he wanted me to

Inverted Bowl (1981-83)

George bby what happened

Like Bowl but spiky(?)

Doesn't look terrible but it was the 80s what do you expect

7/10 and those points are mostly coming from the pattern on the shirt and the overwhelming dilf energy

Long Lost Full House Character (1984-85)

This look is so 80s but I'm not mad at it

I didn't like it at first but the more I stare at it the more I fall in love with it

That could just be the power of George regardless of what he looks like but are we really gonna act surprised about that

50/10 he would 100% be able to seduce me by doing absolutely nothing

Oof (1986)

Teddy Boy? More like Teddy Middle-Aged Man 😳

Babe what did you do

Still got a cute face but I don't know what to make of this hairstyle

7/10 this one and Inverted Bowl are in a race to the bottom lmao

Author's Photo at the End of the Book (1987)

The dilfiest dilf to ever dilf oh mY GOD 🥴

He looks like a college professor and when I tell you I would have PERFECT attendance (there's a fic on AO3 about that if you're interested)

When I say I like older men THIS IS WHAT I FUCKING MEAN

36842957/10 Making love to this man would be one of the best experiences of my life. I've never wanted to fuck a man in his forties so badly PLEASE he would make me feel so loved and appreciated I JUST KNOW IT 🥵

Nelson Wilbury (1988-90)

You already know (Dilf)

The End of the Line and Handle With Care MVs are something that can be so personal

He could talk to me about trees for hours and I would never get bored

13498275/10 We're fucking and then taking a hot bath afterwards sorry I don't make the rules

Businessman Couture (1991-93)

If you saw the previous rating of this era no you didn't

I don't know what I was on he's so fucking hot

He still looks like a college professor but I'm not gonna pretend for one second that I ain't into that shit

49527428/10 I orginally had this at a 6.5/10 and I feel like I have to apologize to some higher power out there for the carnal sin I committed. I should've chosen a photo from 1992 specifically but I didn't and I feel that was a mistake. He has ruined my standards for men.

Cool Guru (1994-97)

The long hair has made a comeback I love it so much 💕

Literally has the most warm and welcoming energy I have ever seen. If he hugged me I would probably start crying

Seems like he would enjoy those sweet romantic park lunch dates 🥰

9.5/10 I would take a meditation class with him

Wholesome Dad (1998-∞)

Deserves all the love and appreciation

Would definitely be constantly creating new recipes for the food from his garden

He knew the real meaning of life and we all could learn a thing or two from him

100/10 the vibes are immaculate and I wish I could give him a hug 🥺💕🥰

[mothmanslovechild]

I'm losing my mind over GO2

Okay, so I'm having a lot of feelings about Good Omens Season 2 but I know not everyone has seen it yet so I'll hide this a bit, even if I am trying not make it as non-spoilery as I can and also I need to talk to people about this

First of all, if I see anyone trying to fucking boycott or get pissed at Neil Gaiman, you can go straight to hell. Or worse, heaven. And I hope Terry Pratchett makes fun of you. Neil has said that this is act two of three (I'm paraphrasing and act three is not definite just a hope) and to leave these characters on this cliffhanger? If we don't get a season three, it will not be by Neil's choice. Boycotting will only hurt chances of getting that season three and a (hopefully) happier ending. I was bawling my eyes out and am still a mess over the end of the last episode but I also firmly believe that this is not the end. Keep it together, people. We're not going down the toxic landslide of blaming creators and causing a fuss and demonising ourselves as fans and making people hate us and destroying something we all love.

Secondly, I need to talk about that ending. I do not and will not hate Aziraphale for it. Our Angel is definitely being manipulated but it also shows the depth of religious trauma. If anyone has religious trauma, it's Aziraphale. Throughout both seasons he speaks party lines of Heaven even when he's clearly unsure about them. Even when he disagrees, he keeps repeating that god's plan is the right way and if (insert whatever monstrosity) is god's plan than it must be right. Look how far he pushed it with Job - he kept checking and double checking and questioning to be sure that Heaven was doing the right thing. And when he sided with Crowley and helped instead, he genuinely thought he was going to hell for it. Even though it was a good thing and he recognised that it was a good thing. The same goes for the situation with Elspeth to a degree. Aziraphale kept trying to take the moral high ground with her and ruin her chances until it became clear that doing bad things now meant good things later. Like god, he was focussing on the big picture instead of the small one. Not about Elspeth and her needing to eat and survive, but that humans will learn more and be able to survive better as a whole.

Someone else worded it much better than I will (I'll try and link their post later if I can!) but there's also the fact that Aziraphale and Crowley are having two different conversations at the end of the last episode. Go read their post to get the full story because I wholeheartedly agree with them and it really is worded much better, but long story short is that "nothing lasts forever" means two different things. Crowley hears that they don't last forever, that the bookshop doesn't, that nothing does and it's not worth it because what's the point (which has been in Crowley's own thoughts), while Aziraphale means that they can't continue like this forever, they can't be static, they need to adapt because what they tried hasn't worked. Honestly, just go read the post. Please.

NOW FOR NICER THINGS

I'm genuinely not sure some scenes were even real. The dance (the ball and sorry), the Bentley, just some of the lines where I just wanted to melt and live in that moment forever. Seeing their love spanning centuries and the ridiculous mischief they get into. Jim in the fucking fur coat. BEFORE the fall. The fact they all REMEMBER before the fall and the war. Bee being goals, honestly. Them and Gabriel. I just...Oh my god.

Also, you have no idea how much I lost it when I saw posts comparing to the end of Supernatural. I can't with you guys, my neighbours probably heard me cackling.

AND and that was the queerest shit I've ever watched. And there was no bury your gays, nothing homophobic, nothing like that even mentioned. And not just our three main couples, but in the background too. The magicians partner, so many generally NB angels/demons, tough bloke with grindr, it's all over the place. I love it. All I ever want is queer media that doesn't make queerness the main part of the plot. And by that I mean that it's just two people falling in love or just queer people existing without things having to revolve around traumatic/uncomfortable experiences or reactions. All I ask for is happy queer media.

And Michael Sheen's twitter picture....Boy, you're killing us. Not to mention Neil and "wait and see"

I have a lot more feelings so, anyone, feel free to message me and become internet friends because I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS SHOW.

[tardigreatest]

How did you become a pro copyeditor?

Oh boy that’s a Story. HERE GOES.

I was married for 12 (!!) years. The first three years, my ex was in law school and I worked at a law firm, which I! Hated!! So much!!!

One he started working, we didn’t financially need me to work, so I… didn’t. I finished my undergrad degree and I was going to be a writer or maybe open a bookstore or maybe look I don’t even know, I have pretty bad ADHD and most of my Brilliant Plans amounted to very little.

Once we split up, though, oh shit I had to support myself. I’ve always been a huge reader and I’ve always just NOTICED things that are wrong, when timelines don’t add up or the wrong word is used or that comma doesn’t go there and I figured, idk, copyediting might be a good fit?? I did the ACES/Poynter online certificate course (more useful for making people go “oh she must know what she’s doing” than for anything it actually taught me tbh) and I did some freelance copyediting for a while, which didn’t end up being a good fit for me because 1) freelancing does not mesh well with the aforementioned ADHD and 2) turns out I don’t actually enjoy editing fiction.

Every single time I press enter the gap is bigger is this normal?????

So anyway (oh what the fuck why’s it normal now) I redirected again and decided to try to move towards a career as a paralegal. Even though I’d hated working at a law firm before, I knew enough about the field to know there are areas that I might enjoy?? And managed to land a job at a law firm as a legal assistant, and once they realized I was a good editor they started directing more editing/proofing to me, and after my first year there they made me the copyeditor for the firm.

It’s not the only thing I do, but attorneys are encouraged to send things through me at least for a clean-up and pretty much all firm marketing stuff goes by me first (often I’m the person writing it). I’m being trained to move into a paralegal role but with the goal of tailoring that role so I can continue to be the key person for editing and writing projects. Legal editing makes me way happier than fiction editing, because I can maintain a degree of emotional removal and because the deadlines are always like… tomorrow, which keeps me motivated and also forces me to Stop rather than try to make things perfect forever.

So I don’t think this is… very instructive? As a path others can follow? Like… I’m a professional copyeditor through a combination of talent (obvious caveat re: whether or not “talent” and “intelligence” are even real; suffice it to say that, for whatever reason, I notice mistakes others don’t), necessity, luck, and pure moxie. But also I guess - there’s lots of editing opportunities in the world that don’t look like a traditional freelance or publishing house career. My job wasn’t looking for an editor but they are smart enough to lean into their employees’ strengths because they know it makes everyone’s work better.

Obviously the American capitalist landscape is a dumpster fire hellhole and I’m not going to say good workplaces are easy to find or that talent will eventually be recognized because they aren’t and often it isn’t. But there are lots of paths that can use your strengths without being the traditional way to do something.

[diino8081]

random song i found

i would like to share it with you

it's the slowed version but the original one was too fast so this one is better for me (but it could be different for you so check it out)

this song has a feeling of despair but also hope to accomplish your goals and get past what's been bringing you down and i really like that about it

small vent below because sometimes a guy needs to get the words out (feel free to skip it though, i know venting can be real tough for observers) - it does turn into good things after the 3rd paragraph though, read after the sun emoji ☀️ if you want to get to the happier part

i've just been kinda listening to it, having a mental breakdown over deadlines. y'know. all that jazz. it is what it is

it's like 5am too and my sleep schedule is all over the place. it's my mum's birthday tomorrow (today?) and i was going to make her something. i haven't gone round to doing that yet. i was going to make her a bracelet because she's been asking me to make one for her for a long time and i finally had a reason to. my dad said it wouldn't be enough so i lost the motivation. my brother gave the idea of a necklace so my dad bought one for her and said it's from both of us. it feels kinda iffy. it was my brother's idea.

there's food in the fridge that was bought for me. fish. fish is good. but the use by date is today. it's a few mackerel fillet things. but not really fillets. it's like they air sealed it in plastic. there are about 6 of them, 3 per packet. god i don't want to eat them all but i really hate food waste. i might just leave them. i ended up wasting something really good yesterday too. either i need to start eating more or my parents need to start buying less or more tactically. i don't know. this doesn't really seem like something you put in a vent so it seems a bit stupid but i mean, food waste, right?

☀️

on the plus side though, my dad bought me two ninjago magazines the other day. pretty sure it was issue 116 of the regular one and also 31 of the legacy one. the legacy one seems very ice chapter themed so i'm happy about that. with it i got an arin minifigure as well as ras and a random wolf mask warrior. i haven't read it yet but i'm getting to it

i've also been working on the pressurejago crossover. just character sheets but it's good. i've done 4 already and i've been doing the next 3. i still need to do the new post-merge ninja though. it'll be fine. also this au is fully open for anyone to go in and add to it.

my frozen liberation au has been on a bit of a standstill. i mean i wrote a few words yesterday sure but it's been slow. it's not stopping but i'm just on a bit of a break. i've been doing things with friends more which is good

i've been playing a lot of pressure, which is what prompted the pressurejago idea. been doing a lot of lockerless and even streamed a few runs. the furthest i got to was the ridge but i died to a wall dweller. not even pandamonium or pinkie or anything. a wall dweller. it's fine though. i'll get there eventually

i did a few TBS runs (This Badge Sucks) with a team of my friends and a few others. we did get pretty far a few times but we haven't made it yet. someday we will though

in doing my lockerless and TBS runs i've learned a lot about hiding spots, terminology and how the node monsters work. i've definitely gotten better at the game and i think if i were to do a regular run i would win relatively easy. i haven't got to 100 deaths yet but i'm definitely getting there (i'm on 81 right now).

also i've discovered i really like iced tea. the lemon one comes in first but peach is a close second. i don't remember the last time i had regular though. i'll have to buy more of these

i think that's about it. i feel better actually after sharing this. the music helped too. it sounds less despairing now. writing things down has helped me to realise that things aren't as bad as they seem. it's kind of silly actually

to anyone reading this who's going through bad things: writing it down actually helps manage your emotions which is cool.

alright, that's the end of my rambles. thanks for reading and have a good day or night or other

[comfortlesshurt]

Wrapping up July a day early because nothing else on this list is getting done before August!

The two un-highlighted general goals are iffy. Definitely didn't show being comfortable with not going for longer fics since I published *reads note on hand* two new fics, which ranked #3 and #7 of my 61 currently published AO3 fics when ranked descending by total word count. I resisted the urge to end yet another chapter with someone passing out a few times, so I think that's enough of a win. (It's a crutch and I swear I'm trying to minimize it.) Met the rest of my general goals, and I'm especially proud of going over my word count goal even though I purposely set it higher than I thought I'd hit.

Whumperless Whump Event was a success as far as I'm concerned! I originally hoped to cover more of the prompts, but I was expecting to do much shorter fills if I did that, and I'm much happier coming out of the event with two new chapter fics even if I only used six prompts.

I'm running behind on the bingo prompts, but they'll stay on the backburner. There's nothing screaming to me from them just yet, and I don't want to write something mediocre for the sake of filling a prompt. Pretty sure my brain just needs some time to rotate them in the background and come up with something I like.

I overachieved on Augusnippets because I'm weak to dares, and a little Excel program I made dared me to finish the damn thing in one sitting after I'd done the rough drafts. Those are all queued up for August now. On the personal side, I got a promotion and a pay raise (and my department is restructuring, so I suspect another promotion is coming by the end of the year), so I'm talking to someone about making some art for the Augusnippets fic! It won't be ready by the initial post dates, but it'll be exciting to come back later and get to add it.

With Augusnippets done, my new focus for August is the series I've been working on. I'm still aiming for the original time estimate and just taking this surprise extra month as time to 1) slow down a little bit and 2) prep ahead for unexpected delays later. I am hoping to publish about 5k words more than my Augusnippets prompts covered next month, so you'll probably see either a random oneshot or a third chapter for Chemicals, chemicals in my brain if I get the inspiration for that. I've found in the past that counting drafted word count doesn't hold me accountable the way having a goal for published word count does, so that's what I'm sticking with for now.

I also added a new personal goal to have my total published word count for VLD surpass my published WC for Spider-Man by the end of 2025 because man... I think people see that and think I still focus on Peter when I don't. I had 100k of love for him once and it's unfortunately faded away since!

July's AO3/FFN stats will get their own post tomorrow because given the chance, I would nerd out and make this post way too long by bundling them in here. I might be a litttttttle vague about my methods because the exact tools I use are publicly associated with my real identity at this point, but if there are any other stats nerds out there, you are welcome to PM and discuss it privately! Every tool I used was free except Excel. You can block the tag #stats update if seeing that kind of thing will bother you! (It's currently just me celebrating my little baby wins since I'm not in a huge fandom anymore lmao)

July 2024 Plans!

I'm trying something new to see if it works for keeping me more consistent, so don't mind me.

Still insanely obsessed with Keith Kogane so uhh... sorry, that's all you're probably going to see from me this month if you read my stuff.

General Goals:

Get more comfortable with writing shorter fics instead of pushing for record word counts

Work on finding better end scenes for fics

Brainstorm for some longer multi-chapter fics for the future

Newly published word count: 19,920/15,000

Come up with a consistent writing schedule before August

Drafting priority - aim for the minimum viable amount of initial editing (then go back and refine everything in September)

Whumperless Whump Month:

7/1 (emergency first aid) - published

7/3 (like a record, baby) - published

7/10 (your work is never finished) - published

7/16 (say goodbye to filters) - published

7/19 (the whump morning after) - published

7/30 (I don't mean to get emotional) - published

Looking into 1 or 2 more days between the 19th and the 30th, but I haven't picked any yet! (Got sucked into another project and moved on to that!)

Really pushing to finish the days on time for this and move on no matter what at the end of the month. No completionist attempt here!

Bingo Prompts from @builder051:

Addiction/withdrawal - published along with whumperless whump fill

Self-surgery - published along with Whumperless Whump fill

Outlines for 3 other TBD squares, but unlikely to finish those fics in July (I'm short on my projected word count goal for August, so I'm expecting to get these finished and posted then)

Apologize profusely for taking 6 years to get to this

Augusnippets:

By mid-July, decide between path of hurt and path of whumperless whump

Resist urge to say I can do both because I simply cannot

Complete all outlines for chosen path by end of July (did I say outlines? because I accidentally made rough drafts for all of these instead)

Draft the first week by the end of July (I suspect work will be busy in August, so we're getting a buffer ready)

July and August are both planned writing months, but I'm expecting to take September to publish less and focus more on editing some stuff I've posted in the past without polishing as well as I could have. I also think I'll burn myself out if I try to write a ton three months in a row, so this just works out well.

Quick overview of the rest of 2024:

July - Whumperless Whump Event focus

August - Augusnippets focus

September - 1 or 2 short fics and a big round of editing my backlog; start to get a detailed outline on my Klance series

October - Whumptober focus

November - NaNoWriMo (either original fiction or a longfic I've been outlining, depends how I feel by October)

December - probably a heavy editing month (I want to get that NaNoWriMo fic edited so it can start to be published as we ring in 2025, but that probably means I won't publish anything new in November or December)

[tartglias]

General relationship headcanons with genshin boys

“Since it's open, what about general headcanons for the boys? ;0 like what's it like to be with them for a headstart :D”

i was originally going to make six characters, then five, but then i accidentally deleted th draft and had to start all over again. i already feel bad for posting late so i’m sorry it’s just four and not five :( i’ll probably make a part 2 of these soon!!

characters: diluc, kaeya, scaramouche and xiao

Diluc

The beginning of the relationship was slow, painfully slow. So slow that a certain bard and the one and only Cavalry Captain had to step up, since neither of you would make the first step. Both of you were too scared of rejection, so you decided to swallow your feelings and “face” reality.

A few pick up lines over here, a jealousy scene over there, and the result was a very angry and flustered Diluc taking your hand and leading you upstairs for some privacy. It was then and there when he confessed his feelings for you, a sigh of relief leaving him when you reciprocated.

Both of you are private people, so you decided that keeping the relationship away from the public eye would be the best option. Sure, affection was reduced to an extent but that doesn’t mean that the relationship lacks love!

Affection in public meant exchanging soft glances and shy smiles from across the room, interlocking of pinkies and stealing kisses when nobody was looking. Very rarely, when he was feeling wild and desperate, he would drag you to somewhere secluded and push you (gently) to the nearest wall, caging you in between his arms as you wrapped your hands around his waist. Then, he kissed you slow and passionately.

Behind closed doors, the story was different. There wasn’t a single moment in which his hands weren’t touching your skin, or your hands weren’t playing with his hair as you kissed him passionately to compensate for the lost time. A kiss here, a kiss there. Again and again. A kiss for every hour you couldn’t spend together.

You found out about Diluc’s nightly activities rather quickly. It happened on a night in which he came back home slightly injured and breathless. When you questioned him, he simply said that some treasure hoarders ambushed him, but you knew he was lying. You could tell. Diluc soon realized there was no point in lying to you, so he told you his identity as the Darknight Hero.

Overall, your relationship may have started in a messy way, Diluc sometimes wishes he could have confessed in a different and more appropiate way. Your relationship may also be quiet, but quiet doesn’t mean that it lacks love. You both spend late nights and mornings in each others arms whispering sweet nothings. And your relationship may be scary at times, you often feared that he wont come back home one day. But you also know he always does, and you trust him every moment of the day. And he feels the same way. He doesn’t trust people easily, he rarely lets people in. But you are different, you make him feel different. He trusts you more than anything in the world.

Kaeya

It was no secret that Kaeya was a flirt. A few compliments over here, a charming smile over there and that was basically the formula to have most people in Mondstadt wrapped around his finger. Most people... except you. With a shy smile and an evident blush on your cheeks you were always fast to dismiss it and laugh it off. “You shouldn’t go saying those things” you used to say.

It started with a desire to make you swoon, it was like a goal for him. But eventually, he caught feelings and you were the one who made him swoon. So one day, he had enough. He wanted to confess and tell you how he actually feels.

And so he did, yet somehow you still thought it was a joke. “Kaeya you can’t say those things as a joke... someone will actually fall for it” you said, looking down at your feet as your heart started beating faster and faster by second. “I’m not joking, y/n. That’s how I truly and deeply feel about you” he said, taking your hand and placing it on his chest so you could feel how fast his heart was beating as well.

The closest word to describe your relationship with Kaeya would be that it was like an adventure, interesting and fun. You’re bored? He would take you to explore interesting (and safe) places he encountered while on his commissions. You’re sad? Nothing like him dragging you to the very top of the Cathedral and hugging you close to him as you both watch the sunset wouldn’t solve.

Kaeya’s kisses can be either quick or desperate and hungry, yet passionate. The first case usually happened whenever you two were in public, though he doesn’t have a problem with PDA. If it were up to him, he would spend every second of the day kissing you. But you’re both busy people so most times one of you is in a hurry. The second case happens when either one of you come home after a long day. It starts slow, maybe a few pecks here and there, but soon enough he picks up the pace. One hand around your waist, keeping you close to his body, and his other hand on your face, deepening the kiss. It always leaves you breathless, and he takes those few seconds you take to catch air to kiss your jaw and neck. He loves you and your body, he could spend a lifetime worshipping it.

Insecurity was somewhat a problem in the relationship, from both sides. On his side, he sometimes worried that you would get tired of him and slip away, just like most people in his life. And on your side, you feared that he would find someone who was braver, prettier and more skilled than you. But at the end of the day, even if there were times in which you argued over this problem, you both would always come home to each other. Nights would be spent in each other’s arms, constantly reassuring each other that you’re both here to stay.

Overall, dating Kaeya isn’t easy. You knew this the moment you both confessed. But it is worth it, no one makes you feel like he does, no one makes you swoon and laugh like him. And no one, and I mean, not a single person in Teyvat, could make Kaeya happier.

Scaramouche

Scaramouche was angry, to say the least. How dare you, a fellow Fatui Harbinger who he had to see almost daily, make his heart beat fast and legs shake? Why was he feeling like this? So stupid?

He thought your confession was part of a game, a dare. He saw you laughing with Childe a few moments before, and not that he would ever admit it, in fact he would rather lose his Vision and die than admit it, but he was a little bit jealous of the scene. He wanted to make you laugh like that, he wanted to make you blush and he wanted to have your heart. The moment you confessed, he was angry. He was sure it was a dare and Childe’s plan to make fun of him, but he quickly regretted it once he saw your sad face. “No, leave” he had said. Your shy smile dropped instantly and you slowly nodded, turning around and starting to walk away. His mouth opened before he could actually stop and think of what to do. “Do you mean it?” he asked. “Do you actually like me? It’s not a dare?” “Why would it be a dare? Scaramouche, I’ve liked you for a while now, everyone knows but you” you said, facing him once again only to find him trying to hide away the strong blush on his face. “Then... I think I like you too” he said, not daring to look at you.

Scaramouche was a harsh and jealous lover, he wanted you for himself. Fights were normal in your relationship, words without real meaning would be thrown at each other all the time. Yet, neither of you walked away. Neither of you verbally apologized for the harsh words either, but instead, you would let your actions apologize for you. Normal fights would be due to his jealousy, you spending a little too much time with Childe or other Harbingers for his liking. Yes, he knows you love him and yes, he knows that he is better than everyone else there. But he also knows he’s not the most liked person among the Fatui, and often worried that you would soon agree with people who said that. After taking a deep breath of air, you would drag him to bed and hold him close to you. His arms around your waist as he snuggled closer to you and buried his face on your neck. You hold him for a few hours while whispering soft promises of love and endless praise, reassuring him that you are not going anywhere anytime soon. “Don’t worry, you’ll have to put up with me for a long, long while” you whispered as you kissed his forehead. “I wouldn’t have it any other way” he whispered back.

Contrary to popular belief and also to his personality, his kisses are soft and unsure. He doesn’t have a lot of experience in this area, so his kisses tend to be short yet soft. Mostly in private as well, since he would rather die than let his underlings see this side of him. He would wrap his arms around your waist, probably as he makes a teasing comment about how desperate you are or how much you probably missed him, and then kissed your lips. He is fascinated by the way your lips feel against his, he gets drunk by the feeling.

Overall, your relationship with Scaramouche is wild, to say the least. One moment you’re yelling at each other, ready to fight and the next one you’re holding him close as he whispered protection promises and kissed your neck. But despite all the problems you both encountered, you’re always there for each other. You rely on him and he relies on you, and that’s enough.

Xiao

“What’s this?” He asked you as you slowly pulled away from him. “A kiss” “Disgusting. Do it again” He said, pulling you back to him with one hand as the other rested on your waist. You smiled through the kiss, and he felt like all his pain and karma vanished. After a while, you pulled away. “Again” he said, chasing your lips before crashing them with his in another soft yet desperate kiss. You giggled and pulled away. “I need to breathe” you said, chuckling at sight of his lips pouting. “Why”

The first time you met, he saved you from treasure hoarders. But before you could thank him, he disappeared. You didn’t know who your savior was, so you tried your best to remember the mask that was on his face. You didn’t see him again, until you found yourself in Wantshu Inn after a long day of commissions far away from your home in Liyue Harbor. You needed rest, but the clear night and stars were calling for you, and before you noticed you were at the top floor of the inn. That’s where you saw him, and for reasons he doesn’t understand, he didn’t leave. He remained sat on the floor, looking at the sky as his legs were hanging from the edge. “Isn’t it pretty? I barely see stars as clear as these back home” you said to the stranger from a close yet appropriate distance. He didn’t reply, he didn’t look at you, but he knew who you were. He remembered you from the time he saved you. Next thing you noticed was the mask that was on the floor next to him. Your eyes widened and your mouth dropped. “You’re... the one who saved me” you said, shock flooding your face. He rolled his eyes in response, can’t he be left alone? “I never got to thank you so... thank you” you simply said, a soft expression replacing your shocked one.

You started dropping by Wangshu Inn a bit more often, whenever your time and commissions allowed you too. And every time you brought different kinds of foods to offer to Xiao, no one ever telling you that his favorite was Almond Tofu. He found it annoying at first, but soon enough got used to it. The day you brought Almond Tofu though, he almost smiled. Almost. His expressions as he ate the offering didn’t go unnoticed by you, and quickly learnt that it was his favorite.

After a while he started looking forward to your visits, but if someone ever asked him about it, he would just say it wasn’t because of you, it was for the almond tofu offering. You started spending more time with him, even though he barely opened his mouth and you did all the talking. He found you amusing, truly. Something about you, made him feel funny inside. And that scared him.

Your relationship started with a kiss. “Again” he would say. “Again” he would repeat whenever you broke away to breathe. This was new to him, and he knew it was wrong since he is who he is and could harm you at any second, but he was addicted. He was addicted to your kisses, to your touches. He got drunk by the feeling you gave him, not wanting to ever let go. “Let go, let go of them. You’ll only harm them” he kept repeating to himself in his mind, but his body moved by itself, pulling you closer to him. He was addicted, and he knew it was bad.

There weren’t many arguments in your relationship, maybe a few over you taking dangerous commissions, but other than that it was full of affection. Affection used to be a strange concept for Xiao, who once was determined that it’s better for everyone if he stayed away. But then you appeared, and no one ever made him feel the way you did. He started yearning for your touches and he looked forward to you coming back to him so he could kiss you. You were better than any medicine Zonghli could ever give him, you made his pain ease. And as you were wrapped in his arms watching the stars at the top floor of the Inn, he made a promise. A promise of protection and love, he would never let anyone or anything harm you, and even if you die of old age he would still love you for centuries to come, and he will find you again in your next life.

Overall, your relationship with Xiao started slowly, but soon grew more and more with each passing day. He trusts you almost as much as he trusts Rex Lapis, and he would always watch you closely whenever you go out on a commissions. How did you get so lucky?

[elsecrytt]

HSGSGSGS OKAY NO BUT ALL OF YOUR TAKES ARE SO CORRECT!!! all of them are subs EXCEPT Simeon but only when you write him. you’re the only one who gets permission to write any character as dom because you do it RIGHT!! ur so wise <3

i clutch my chest and blush,,,, anon u r so sweet,,, idk how i got the anons with so much fine taste but u guys really DO have lovely taste and neat prompts to go around,,,, ilu all

and ofc disclaimer, i dont see anyone as like, 100% dom or sub, but i definitely have headcanons for which way they lean, and most of them seem to lean sub pretty hard

Like Lucifer? Falls in love with you when you stand up to him. Almost definitely wants you to step on him in secret. Sub

Mammon? Look at him. Sub

Levi? Literally look at him. Sub

Satan? He's the Avatar of Wrath. If you ever got mad at him he'd probably cum instantly. Definitely wants you to scratch him up. Sub

Asmo? Have you heard him speak ingame? Sub. he'll pretend to be a dom tho if u think thats sexy, he has fake dom rights

Beel? Just feed him. Sub

Belphie? Pillow princess. Needs taming. Sub

Diavolo? Lonely rich kid, will try anything once. Also needs taming. Sub

Barbatos? S E R V I C E S U B

(but also literally Barbatos in canon loves it when you take charge)

Solomon? Okay real talk. It's probably one of his actual life goals/dreams to have you surpass him as his apprentice. The stronger you get the happier he'd be. Sub

Simeon tho... Simeon... he's literally like 100% fluster-proof. Unashamed of things that would have Lucifer sighing or flushing.

Now THAT'S confidence. Handles being rejected or ignored without getting angry or pissy or anything.

When he's angry he apparently scares DIAVOLO. Wrath glowsticks make him stronger.

Accepts life as it comes with a smile and with complete grace and dignity. Has a perfectionist streak and tries to do everything he does well.

Unlike Lucifer, though, he doesn't seem to be hiding any secret sappiness. In fact, he doesn't hide it so much when he likes someone, at all. The dom energy is overwhelming.

again, even from my own pov i don't see these characters as like, 100% subs who will never dom.

i write them in the lead plenty in vignettes or asks bc i'd rather keep the reader passive so the requester doesn't end up with something they really didn't ask for XD

and my own preference also states that there's something irresistibly sexy about a normally submissive character having some confidence and aggression every once in a while. i like me some switches!!

but... yeah tbh. subs. subs for days. THEY JUST SEEM LIKE THEY'D BE SUBS TBH!! Simeon's the only one who's composed enough, and doesn't get quite passionate enough for me to lock him in as a subby subby boy.

[brostateexam]

Could you tell us more about your bfs?

Ok first of all, I love that one of you made an alt to ask me this question cause I have anon turned off. Or alternatively, that an anon was like "I'm invested enough to make a blog for this one." Either way, I find the attention very flattering, so thank you!

Shane and I have been together for three years and three months now, and have lived together for three years. We met through tumblr, which is embarrassing but true. Sometimes you're gay and your mutual is bi and lives nearby and you become buddies, then friends, then confidantes, then boyfriends. Because we were so close, I felt okay with having him move in soon after dating -- it felt like the right thing, even though at the time I was terrified it would be a mistake.

Since Shane is on tumblr, he will read this eventually, but it's basically Valentine's Day, so I'm fine with publicly declaring that I love this man, and expounding on some of the things I love about him. Shane is one of the kindest people I have ever met. He does not talk quickly, but what he has to say is unfailingly supportive of his friends and loved ones. He is automatically in your corner, ride or die, no matter what the decision is. He inspires me, every day, to be more patient, more understanding, more gentle, and more kind.

In addition to being sweet, he is hard-working, and goes about goals that many would find impossible with impressive tenacity. When he moved to San Francisco, he knew he had to land a job and I told him I needed him to make friends outside of my friend group, because I think it's important to have one's own friends. Within a month, he was working two part-time jobs and had connected with a non-profit volunteering to raise money to help homeless HIV+ folks to afford treatment, care, and housing. Through this non-profit, he made tons of friends, and regularly goes to brunch or on picnics or trips to Palm Springs with them.

At this point, he's back in school to finish up his bachelor's degree, which is he doing while working part-time, going to the gym five times per week, being a great boyfriend, a caring son, and a wonderful friend. I am impressed by him every day, and humbled that he has chosen to share his life with me.

Tristan and I met, also online, in November. On discord, actually, and even before I knew his real name, I found him fascinating. Something in me said "you need to get to know this guy. He's going to be important to you." So we ended up talking every day since, sometimes just for a little bit, sometimes for hours.

I am impressed by Tristan's intelligence and level-headedness. It's hard to explain, as well, but we just have a lot of stuff in common. Similar sense of humor, similar interests, similar opinions in video games, even. That never happens to me. As a for instance, today I asked him if he'd be interested in helping me restore furniture, because that's been something I've always wanted to do, and he's very good at repairing stuff. It turns out that his mom ran a stay-at-home business doing that and he helped her with it, so he knows all about it, and loves doing it. Something like this happens between me and him almost every day.

He's funny, an endearing combination of confident and sweet, and kind of woke me up mentally. Seeing him work so hard to get after what I wanted made me realize that I'd allowed the pandemic to stall me out from going after what I want. So beyond just pursuing him, I've been pursuing my interests and dreams again, and I'm a lot happier for it. It helps that he's been nothing but encouraging of these endeavors, as well.

Also, I find them both just like unbelievably attractive. So yeah! I hope that answers your question, Mx Sideblog. Feel free to leave follow-ups if you wish :)

[toointojoelmiller]

^Me trying to put my thoughts on this into words

Okay prepare for massive amounts of copium:

A lot of people struggle with the difference between Part 1 Ellie and Part 2 Ellie.. I don’t. I wish she was happier lol don’t get me wrong (if I had my way it would be J+E + moon ranch forever), but to me the contrast between Part 1 and Part 2 Ellie is unfortunately a pretty natural progression…

Part 1, despite the devastating ending, is a HOPEFUL story – it’s really about Joel finding his reason for living again, and loving Ellie. Ellie is the light – literally the hope – that leads him out of the darkness. She’s also fourteen, and we see her through Joel’s sort of lens and we are always being reminded of her youth. She’s got this “mission” (making a cure, making her immunity mean something other than she survived when her bet friend/girlfriend died) that is guiding her and keeping her steady despite all of the attachment trauma and grief she is struggling with that should really bog her down more than it does (and of course, it eventually does, once her mission comes crashing down). I think this is well represented in Part 1 and in the HBO series, even though the versions of Ellie are slightly different.

Part 2 is about what comes next, because love is never enough. It’s about how life is painful and messy, and how sometimes that is BECAUSE of what love does to us... and how you can’t love ever without it ending in grief… and in particular, just how destructive the pain of loss can be when your ONE PERSON is gone. Ellie’s different because she’s grown – her dream of a cure is dead – the world is just a lot darker, at 19 vs 14. Joel loving Ellie with all of his heart wasn’t enough to keep her from getting hurt by the world (just like in real life, no matter how much parents love their kids bad shit WILL happen to them, and life WILL punch them in the face like it does for all of us). Joel loving Ellie so unconditionally and giving her love was more than she knew how to handle, really, (orphan things), and she can’t understand his “betrayal” for what it is – an act of love. When he’s gone she is LOST, and ends up modelling exactly what she learned from him… fall apart. Take out your enemies. Make people suffer for what happened to the person you love.

So, to ME – the progression of Ellie’s relationship with violence feels pretty natural.

Here’s why I don’t personally take issue with the violent heart bit they added to the HBO show -

I feel like (pretend) Craig and Neil suck at explaining themselves LOL.

Ellie in Part 1, due to the world she has grown up in and her experiences, is at risk of engaging with violence as a coping/trauma sort of response thing. Gives her control in a fucked up world. Lets her protect her people. Just like Joel. They live in a world that basically requires violence from you – otherwise you and people you love will die. And Ellie knows that – she saw it first hand, killing Riley. And all of the violence and death that came after.

I know Craig made that comment saying “David’s right”. The way I take it is not, “David is right, she is a violent person” or “she loves to hurt people”… I take it as David recognized how Ellie has a fighters/survivors heart – and that means she is CAPABLE of great violence. Which not everyone is!! (Hence how Joel and Ellie are our bamf anti heroes). To David, violence is always a justified thing if it leads to you getting your goal, and he looks at people as either worthy of living in this world (fighters/leaders) or not (sheep). So he sees Ellie as “a violent person” with a “violent heart”. He’s a monster, and he isn’t capable of understanding the relationship Ellie (and Joel) have with violence, where it is born out of LOVE and suffering and loss. There’s a difference there that David totally misses. But his comment about her proclivity to “violence”, not too far off the mark imo.

Super curious to hear if any of y’all agree or disagree w me.

YES I AM COPING HARD WITH THIS. LIFE SINCE PART 2 IS NOTHING BUT A COPE.

massive TLOU 2 spoilers

I hate this “violent heart” shit. Apparently, Ellie seeing Joel brutally tortured and murdered while she is held down and forced to watch is not enough to explain her murderous rampage in TLOU 2. They have to tell us she’s also doing it because because she’s irrevocably, uniquely fucked up and violent. And who is the person to deliver this message? The pedophile that tried to rape and murder her. So will David be vindicated in season 2? It seems like he already kinda was. Yes, Ellie brutally killing him was supposed to show she’s fucked up and violent. Chop a pedophile up a bit more than necessary because you are traumatized, terrified, disassociating, and desperate for it all to stop? Sorry hun that’s really fucked up I guess you really do have a violent heart. I’m glad we had the illuminating words of a serial groomer rapist cannibal pedophile cult leader to tell us our protagonist is a bitch. In a story where we’re supposed to have empathy for the characters, one of them gets labeled as “violent” as if they’re demented. The creators said this “violent heart” stuff was meant to set up Ellie’s arc in s2/the 2nd game so wtf??? I hate to be pessimistic but it really seems like the writers are steering the show towards an “Ellie proved David right” moment.

[treenissanderssidesstuff]

🧩 A theory you have

I keep forgetting what is and isn't a theory. But I can prove "intrusive thoughts" is a terrible descriptor for Remus to go along with my hijacking @typically-untypical's post if you want.

So this is gonna piggyback off of that Catharsis Remus post, which you should read before this for some context. As I said there, all of the sides but Janus (sorta) cause c!Thomas to have intrusive thoughts. Remus' brand of intrusive thoughts however helps restore a sense of control.

Anyone who makes dark jokes can probably relate to this pretty quickly. If you've ever been stressed about an assignment and said something like "kill me" because of it? That's Remus' brand of things. Making a joke like that makes yourself recontextualize a situation. Did you think about something dark for a moment there? Sure. However, that assignment that was stressing you out? Maybe it suddenly isn't quite so bad in the face of death. Just reminding yourself that there are technically other options and that doing the assignment for the betterment of your life is the one you're choosing is empowering. If you've laughed the joke off and felt a resurgence of drive? It's because you've re-centered yourself into a position of feeling control again and reminded yourself that whatever impossible task your facing doesn't have to be the end. The world isn't hinged on you doing something perfectly. You've made your problem small, by reminding yourself you're actively conquering a much bigger one just by being.

Okay, so now that I've given some context for what Remus' brand of intrusive thoughts are and how they're useful, let me explain how all of the lightsides have their own brand of intrusive thoughts that are both useful, but dangerous in excess.

Virgil: This one should be obvious. Anxiety is riddled with intrusive thoughts. "What if I go to the party and I make a fool of myself?" "I can't talk to that person, they'll think I'm stupid." "Is that person judging me?" "What if I can't do it?" Virgil makes c!Thomas think before he acts, which he needs we know he needs, but it can be crippling because it can make him worry too much and cause a paralysis of action. Virgil's brand of intrusive thoughts is thoughts related to a fear of what "could be." Accepting anxiety already contextualized his brand quite a bit. (Thanks Logan!)

Patton: Patton's got a one/two punch because he's morality and emotions. "Am I a bad person when I do something for myself?" "Do I deserve what I have? To be here?" "What about all of those talented people who are getting overlooked?" "Do I really deserve my friends?" "They're all so amazing though, they don't need me..." Patton's brand of intrusive thoughts is related to what "is" related to perceived expectations of people's opinion is specifically valued. He's the feeling of having to "deserve" what a person have in some way or downgrade achievements. c!Thomas' need to prove over and over again that he's actually trying and that he cares. It's a wonderful thing to want to help others, to show love and appreciation, but there is no "being good enough" if a person lets this type of guilt take over.

Roman: Roman's got that fear of failure, but in a different way than Virgil. It's more like failure induced stress. Virgil's the surface level anxiety about making a mistake, Roman's the deeper worry about not being enough that is only "proven correct" with every failure. "You didn't get/win [blank] because you're not talented enough." "You didn't work hard enough." "You should have done more, put in more effort." "You'll never match up to those other people, they deserve it." "Taking breaks is just laziness." Roman's intrusive thoughts are related to what "was" and perceptions connected to the past. He focuses on flaws and failures and causes c!Thomas to do the same. Each time a short term goal isn't met, is just fuel for that kind of self-hatred of not "doing enough." He keeps the dream alive, keeps pushing c!Thomas forward, but too much? And everything will feel useless because that self-degradation will stop being motivating and will start making c!Thomas feel inherently like a failure.

Logan: Logan's a bit of a tricky one because he's usually made to be the problem solver, but he's also had his own fair share of problems. Logan's issues are usually related to making he perceives as the "wrong" decisions. "If you had chosen a different career, you would be more stable." "People are laughing at you." "You're not acting like a proper adult." "You'll never be respected like this." Logan's intrusive thoughts are related to what "could have been," specifically an idealized version of that. It's easy to pretend things could have been better if a person had made different decisions, but different doesn't mean better. Having a job in science might have made c!Thomas appear more like a "standard adult," but would have he been happier? Probably not. If he thought at the time it would have made him happier, he probably would have chosen that path then. In some ways it can be good, because these kinds of thoughts can remind a person that there are other options if things don't work out. However, these kinds of thoughts pushed too far can make a person feel as if they've already ruined their life to the point of being irreparable, especially when their decisions go against the grain of normal expectations of society.

Janus: Janus is a little funny because he's a rule breaker (what else is new?) compared to the others. His focus is c!Thomas bettering himself, not to what others want, but to what he wants. There's no real outside stimuli related to him to cause intrusive thoughts. What he does do though, is make c!Thomas face the ones he has. He tries to breakdown the guilt, the fear, the shame by bringing it to focus and showing why it's wrong. It's the kind of thing that's painful to do in the moment, but also prevents you from hurting yourself worse. Actively explaining that you think your friends will hate you? It's uncomfortable. It hurts so much worse than passively believing it... in that moment. However, facing that perception is wrong? Prevents a lot of pain in the future of just letting yourself believe it.

And then we cycle back to Remus who in some ways, really is the garbage man, not because of how he presents himself, but because he forces c!Thomas to see what he's doing right by making him face the potential of a darker timeline and clean up the other's messes when they go to far.

[kenmasangel]

Fight ; Ushijima Wakatoshi

characters : ushijima wakatoshi, f!reader

synopsis : you and ushijima had your first real lowkey hardcore fight as a couple

genre : angst, fluff

ps : i am trying my best lol, i am new at this if you any remarks my dm's are open. hope you enjoy <3

masterlist

both you and your boyfriend, ushijima play volleyball that is actually what pulled you closer and ushi couldn't be happier

you've always enjoyed playing volleyball; it wasn't your passion and you wouldn't dedicate your life for it like ushijima but you still did your best all the time and you were pretty good

you actually were captain of the team for a while but then just decided to be a normal player

you practiced really hard; you didn't want to disappoint your boyfriend who was a great volleyball player

it really stressed you out though, especially when people would compare you or make really uncalled for remarks (this was maybe even one of the reasons you quit as a captain)

anyway these last days you haven't been feeling really good, the exams were upcoming and you wanted to keep up your excellent grades so you could attend the college of your dream

and not to make things better you had a practice match with you-don't-know-what-team and you couldn't care less

even if you were attending practice you were still kind of lacking, you wouldn't give it your all as usual and your teammates noticed that, you tried conving your coach into keeping you on the bleachers but he just wouldn't give up on you and your amazing serves

so here you were, sleep deprived, stressed out about school work and volleyball and your boyfriend didn't seem to notice anything, he would ask you times to times if anything is wrong but you would brush him off since you knew he was already preoccupied with the nationals

ushijima wasn't dumb though, he knew something was off with you but since you kept telling him not to worry he thought he would give you time unil you feel completely comfortable talking about it

he would kiss your forehead and tell you that he is here anytime

i ship you guys so bad wtf 😔

and as if the universe was against you, the day before your practice match you had an important exam, “at this point i should drop out and become a stripper” you thought to yourself as you were cramming informations into your brain

after your exam you headed to the gym to practice, you and your team stayed until late night and needless to say you only had few hours of sleep because you also had to wake up early to practice your serves, you didn't even have time to see your boyfriend so he could encourage you

you were exhausted, your brain was about to explode and your coach would still not let stay on the bleachers. the only thing positive was that ushijima sent you a good luck text message the night before

the match started, you were trying so hard to stay focused and to fall asleep; your serves were not as sharp as usual, you would miss the ball many times and the coach finally decided to change you with someone else

what you were not aware of is that ushijima and tendou came to watch the match and support you, they were weirded out at the way you were playing, it clearly was not in your habits to play that way

your team won the match but you couldn't care less, you just wanted to go home and sleep for one week straight

there were still a few people in the gym, you were getting ready to leave; you didn't even notice that the trio was coming your way

“y/n!” you heard tendou call you, “oh, hi sorry i didn't notice you were here” you replied, closing your bag “what's up?” you ask

“what's up with you? are you okay?” tendou asks, “what ?” you didn't know they saw everything, you kept staring at them until it hit you “oh, so you guys watched the match”

“yes, and what was all that about?” asked ushijima. “we can't always play well, you know” you shrugged, they were staring at you kind of shocked

“what? y/n did you see your serves ? did you see how many times you missed easy balls? it was almost as if i was watching a beginner! the team almost lost because of you” ushijima replies

“okay and ? i told the coach not to put me on the field yet he did. not my fault” you answered, it stung hearing him say that but it was true and you knew it

“thank god #8 came in, she saved the game ” he adds, what started annoying you. the last thing you wanted was to fight with your boyfriend

“good for them,” you clapped back in a cold tone what sent shivers down tendou's spine. he didn't want to get in between you two and he didn't know how to react since it was his first time seeing you like that

“you are my girlfriend, you know better! you should know this isn't only about others but the whole team! i heard people say stuff i didn't want to hear when you were playing an-” he couldn't finish when you cut him off

“ i know what people say ushijima! i know i am not dumb. and what if i am your girlfriend ? does that make me obliged to be a good volleyball player like you ? volleyball isn't my dream as far as i know i also have other dreams and other goals ushijima, but do you even care ? do you even bother asking me what i am passionate about ? and if you're ashamed of me, the so-bad volleyball player why don't you just go out with other great players ?” you snapped, what made the gym go quiet and all eyes stare at you and your boyfriend.

you gave him a last glance , took your stuff and went home

him and tendou stood there, alone now that everyone have left, still trying to comprehend what just happened, “wow, i’ve never seen y/n-chan like that” tendou broke the silence between him and ushijima. he didn’t answer tho, his mind was still replaying the fight you two had

you never fought; you guys were both mature and dealt with every situation you had to go through rationally so this fight really made ushijima tense up, something that tendou noticed

“ushijima,” tendou started as they were walking back to their dorms. “did you notice that y/n wasn’t feeling good right ?”

“hm? what?” the green eyed boy looked at him confused

“y/n is definetly not feeling good, you could tell just by looking at her face,” he stopped a moment before he continued “you can’t be oblivious to your girlfriend feeling bad, can you ?”

“look, i am not one to tell you what to do ushijima, this is your relationship but take good care of y/n before you loose her. she is a wonderful person and i know people who are just waiting for the right moment to have a chance with her,” he finished, sighing

“i don’t know what to do, we’ve never had a fight like this before and i sure don’t want to loose her,” finally stated ushijima burying his face in his hands, “i know i am lucky to have her, but you know how i suck at this relationship stuff...”

“give her time to cool down, but not too much time too. anyway goodnight” tendou pats ushijima’s shoulder before getting into his dorm

the days after you tried to keep it lowkey; you didn’t go to practice, you’d spend most of your time alone in the library or at home

your friends tried to contact you but you went on ghost mode, ushijima and the vb team too but you didn’t have enough strenght to deal with anyone not even your own parents

yet one night after everyone had finsihed practice you decided to head to the gym, you had so much frustration that you wanted to get rid off and the only thing that could help you was to hit in a ball

so here you are, at 10:30 pm serving in your highschool’s gym with all the power you had

what you didn’t know is that someone was there, watching this whole time hitting them balls with all the power you had wondering if they should come and talk to you or not

saying he missed you be an understatement, he missed your touch, the sound of your voice, your silly fights with tendou over who ushijima loved the most, the way you would hold his hand with no warning, the way you came to his practices and his teammates would all want to catch your attention. he was craving you and he couldn’t do anything but blame himself on how he lacked as a boyfriend

“man up, wakatoshi,” he opened the door yet didn’t catch your attention as you were still serving your mind obviously somewhere else

“uhm, hello?” he clumsily tries to catch your attention, which he succeeded  in

you turn, kind of startled but lowkey relaxing at his sight. “hi,” looking at his face you realized how much you missed him but the fight you had was still replaying in your head. “i was leaving, i just need to clean the gym” you said shaking off your pianful thoughts

as you walked by him he held you wrist making you stop, “y/n, let’s talk it out... please” his face slowly turning around, your eyes meeting his

he was right, you couldn’t just ghost everyone for the rest of the year, you just nodded and looked away

still holding your hand he took you to sit on a bench, facing each other. both of you wondering what will come out of this conversation

“y/n, i miss you, i was a horrible boyfriend i should’ve noticed how bad you were doing and comfort you instead of being a total douchebag, it’s just that...” he stopped for a while, thinking of the right words to say. “i just want the best for you, and i should’ve known vb isn’t your dream but i know how much potential you have and i just want the best for you.”

you couldn’t help but soften and the bluntness of your boyfriend, you knew he was genuine

“i don’t want to loose you y/n, and i promise to do my best to be a better boyfriend. please accept my apology,” you couldn’t help but breakdown infront of him

that’s it, you reached your peak and here you were sobbing in your boyfriend’s arms who was rubbing your back, trying to comfort you

he sure was taken aback when he saw you crying like that, he had never seen you like that and he never dealt with this type of situation but somehow he knew you needed to let everything out

he kissed the top of your head, whispering things like “everything is gonna be fine”

“i just got so stressed out, volleyball, academics, relationships... and i wanted to be the best but i couldn’t handle this much pressure and i should’ve told you how i felt but i bottled up thinking i could handle it,” you managed to say between your sobs. “ i love you too and i don’t want to loose you toshi,” he hugged you tighter after this sentence

“it’s alright love, i should’ve been here for you that’s the point of being together, it’s to lift a certain weight on each other,” he cupped your face in his big hands, wiping your tears, “no more secrets now, we’re here for each other,” you nod and he gently presses his lips against yours

“i love you, and i am here for you, please stop crying i hate to see my s/o this way especially when i suck at comforting you,” he made you chuckle

you’ve never  seen this side of ushijima, you knew he was trying his best right now, but you were glad you saw it today; it proved that he really loved you and you felt happy to have him by your side

“i love you too, toshi,” you hugged him tight and he kissed your forehead

both of you feeling relieved to know that your relationship was strong enough and you’d be able to count on each other and go through anything by each other’s side

[shig-a-shig-ah]

So we all have talked about starting a relationship with Shigaraki. What do you think a relationship with him would look like years down the road?

God, anon, I started to answer this ??? ago, saved it to my drafts, and then forgot it existed. Cue me banging my head into my desk when I discovered it today.

Anyway, this is honestly a doozie of a question, because who will Shigaraki even be years down the road? He's only twenty at the start of the manga, and not even a full year has passed since the start of the canon timeline. So even if you've been together with him since the League first formed, we're still talking about a time well after he's accomplished his goals, when hero society has presumably been destroyed and the villains have been saved by their respective hero counterparts (because I agree that's obviously where the manga is headed). Who even knows what Shigaraki will be like after all that has happened?

Let's start with some of the big stuff though.

First, he'll be happier. This seems like a given--he's been working towards his goals because of anger at the heroes and the hate in his heart, and the only real path forward for him in the manga right now is to let some of that go, because that's going to be a necessary step in preventing AFO from taking him over completely. I think a big part of that journey will be not just learning to let go of the past, but also to accept what's good about the present. And his relationship with the other members in the League and, in this little scenario, with you, is really the one good thing he has. The support of people who care about him, and who understand him to a degree. Now, Shigaraki's never going to be a ray of sunshine or whatever--I expect he'll always be prone to snark and bouts of pissiness--but give him a couple years to build on some of the above developments and I think you could get a man who lives a more quietly contented life. He finds pleasure in the small things, like curling up and playing games together, or even cheesy shit he might never have done before, like bringing you flowers or cooking you dinner. I actually think he'd be likely to develop a soft spot for some of those more normal things that he was denied, once he’s in this post-destruction life.

I don't think he's ever going to be a completely normal person though. And I think I wrote about this somewhere else, but I lowkey imagine him turning to vigilantism in his post-villainy life. Not just out of a desire to play hero himself (though maybe that's a teeny tiny part of it), but because he would be distrusting of whatever new power structures are put in place. He'd see it as keeping an eye on things, as making sure that whatever comes after the society he destroyed actually does a better job of looking out for everyone. Relationship-wise, I think this means you can expect to periodically stir in the middle of the night to find him missing from the bed beside you, or to wake in the very early morning to the feel of his lip pressing against your forehead as he slips back into bed after wandering the streets for several hours.

I expect there would be more subtle changes, too. He'll talk about the future in a way he never did before, which is to say that he never used to speak of it at all save for describing his vision of that ruined horizon. But slowly and surely you'll see that change as he adjust to this new life after, will have to bite back a grin when he talks not just about tomorrow, but about next year, or when he alludes to actually growing old with you, something that used to be far too uncertain to actually hope for.

And then of course there's all the things that just come with being in relationship for years. The development of coded language that you two perfectly understand but other people don't quite get (which with Shigaraki is, I have to imagine, weird game metaphors that are only meaningful to the two of you), and the easy ways you can read each others moods and comfort each other. Where he might have once had trouble soothing you, might have been prone to simply getting irritated when he couldn't immediately solve the problem, he'll have finally figured out how to give you whatever you need without wrestling with those doubts or frustrations. I think the end result would be a much calmer relationship, on the whole, than what you’d experience early one, which I always imagine being at least a tiny bit tumultuous thanks to his personality and his ambitions.