#it didnt really have a honest chance to begin with

[ahsokazworld]

Ok so I have some thoughts about Tai's loving supporting caring gorgeous wife Simone.

Now I think Tai and Van are written as meant to be or whatever and maybe like Tai says in 209 that she needs Van which I fully believe she feels that way BUT I think more so Tai WANTS Van. With sleepwalking Tai as a driving force of that primal wanting feeling.

Lauren Ambrose has done an amazing job as Adult!Van. Her and Tawny totally sell the brewing love and attraction that is very present under the surface and have tons of chemistry (perhaps even more than the teens). I absolutely love watching that. It's great angst and very believable for 2 traumatised individuals who haven't actually dealt with any of that. But I also thought the chemistry between Tawny and Rukiya is very good, I enjoyed their scenes as a married couple and would have loved to explore them and that relationship a little bit more before it imploded so very extreme.

When looking in as an outsider, Tai really doesn't need a partner like Van right now, she needs Simone. She is supportive, caring, loving and has a more healthy outlook on dealing with trauma and very specifically the yellowjackets trauma, Simone is removed from that. Tai needs Simone.

Is all of this fair on Simone and what Simone needs? Uhhh no, she has absolutely done the right thing by removing herself and their son from the unsafe situation with Tai. Also Simone deserves someone who loves her and Tai clearly doesn't. Tai loves Van. Tai felt safe and comfortable with Simone and was attracted to her (I mean Simone is GORGEOUS 😍 so I get it Tai 😁) plus cared for Simone or maybe the life that she was able to live with Simone 🤔 but she didn't love her not really.

Now I know that ain't gonna happen because Simone is in a coma and I don't think we will make such a big time jump in Season 3 but who knows and with the strike going on (which I fully support 👊🏻🙌🏻) it might take some time before we even get a season 3.

I just hope Tai gets some actual goddamn help that isn't provided by one of the yellowjackets. THEY ALL SHOULD GET THERAPY INCLUDING VAN!

Anyways rambling over

So, any thoughts on what Dr. Sandlow had to say, or were you too busy checking your inbox? We just learned our son doesn’t remember any of the things we accused him of. aHe thinks he’s telling the truth.

[miya-rin]

“what the fuck do you two think youre doing?”

shit, you think, you didnt notice the balcony door had been slid open until you heard the voice of one of your brothers. you start to pull away from suna’s lips which earns you a small whine from his end, his grip tightens around you and honestly it its quite cute the way he is trying so hard to savour the moment. “come back later, we’re kinda busy.” the boy mutters before trying to move your face away from the distraction so that he can kiss you once more.

“suna you get your hands off of her right now, i dont give a fuck that its your birthday.” osamu pipes up, he looks furious and a little bit disgusted, if it hadnt been for the situation youre in right now you would think its kind of funny.

“samu lay off him, it was a mutual agreement, im just as guilty as he is ok?” that does not seem to help the boys understand, if anything they seem even more angry with you both.

“what the fuck do you mean it was a mutual agreement? are you two hooking up or something? yn he just turned 18 a few hours ago are you forgetting that?” atsumu says, he is rambling on with every excuse he can think of as to why this is “so wrong”, from the corner of your eye you can see suna trying so very hard to hide the grin that is creeping its way onto his face, his hands still all over you despite the fact that you arent alone anymore.

“listen, it was his birthday wish ok? i swear it didn’t mean anything,” sunas grip begins to loosen ever so slightly, “i just though it would get him off my back and get him over his little crush on me.” suna’s facial expression shifts but you choose to ignore it, you have bigger problems to deal with at the moment.

“no this is not ok, how would you feel if me or samu kissed one of your friends because it was their birthday wish?”

“that’s different, why would my friends want to kiss either of you?”

“excuse me? ill have you know that many women want to kiss me! and dont think youre getting off the hook either suna, ill make sure you never-“ you dont even want to hear the threat that is about to come out of his mouth, you just want to get out of this shitty situation.

“boys please, just give us five minutes to talk and then we will be back inside ok? i promise.” your efforts to plead with your brothers finally work.

“…fine,” atsumu mumbles, “but this better be a one time thing. im not gonna deal with you two being all lovey dovey around me.” and with that he lightly tugs on osamu’s sleeve, signalling him to walk back inside and continue the party. he closes the balcony door but not before bringing two fingers up to his eyes and then pointing them at the two of you. its a warning.

you turn back to suna and notice the sad look on his face - he looks kinda cute like this, “so, what do-“.

“did you really mean what you just said to them?” the poor boy looks heartbroken, after waiting three years to finally have a chance with the girl he loves wants the moment is ruined like that? “did you actually just do that so i would leave you alone?” his hands fully leave your body now and he takes a step back to put some distance between you two.

“well i mean sort of yeah… ive never looked at you in any way other than my brothers best friend if im going to be honest, i dont know if thats because of the age difference or what but ive never thought we could be anything.” the look of hurt is prominent on his face no matter how hard he tries to hide it, normally playful banter would have been thrown back and forth between the two of you but rintarou just stays silent, an indication that youve fucked up.

“listen suna i dont know what you want me to say, i wasnt really thinking when i said that to atsumu it just came out. i am 4 years older than you and many people would not approve of us if i decided to give you a chance.”

“who cares? i could treat you so right if you would just let me. i have waited entirely too long for this moment, all im asking for is one date.”

“you said that about the kiss too, one thing is never enough with you is it? you always need more.” a playful smile creeps onto your face which is outshined by the one on sunas, he knows that your smile means that you agree to go on a date with him.

“i really hope you arent fucking with me right now, that would be so cruel, especially on my birthday.”

“oh give the birthday excuse a rest now will you? you dont need to keep on at me you have already got what you want.”

“mhm i absolutely have,” he walks closer and once again wraps his arms around you, placing a hand under your jawbone to make you look up at him, “and i couldnt be happier.” he states as he pulls you in for a passionate kiss once more <3

[rhymeswithchronic]

*shimmies up to the mic*

*gently taps on it*

*clears throat*

Episode 6 just solidified PvP Civ as being better then Parkour Civ

*runs away as fast as possible*

OKAY LISTEN I will literally commit war crimes for EMF, my scrungly, and Parkour God Evbo, but to be perfectly honest most of the things that make the characters so lovable is headcanon or fanon. Parkour Civ is loved for the story, the light hearted nature and humor, ~the yaoi potential~ and the messages

Episode 6 alone has just solidified almost the entire cast of PvP Civ as individual, thought out characters. Really, the only one in ParkCiv with that kind of thought was Seawatt, with his tragic motivations followed by his death.

Parrot and Tabi have become SO MUCH MORE interesting because of the reveals, and I think Tabi has just immediately become one of my favorites because she’s just so INTERESTING. Someone who is so determined to reach a goal that she doesn’t care if she kills people in her way, but who also consciously *did not permanently kill Evbo despite having the ability to do so*. There’s still SOMETHING there that caused her to use the axe instead of the Eternal Sword, and THAT is the part of her that I think is truly her.

She was talking to someone towards the beginning (our great Parkour Villain himself can’t wait for PvP Villain ClownPierce) but there was something off about their conversation. Clown suggests that she shouldn’t be the one to do this because she’s younger and she “doesn’t deserve to die yet”. Something about their plan does not end well for the one who has to carry it out. Tabi is doing something and possibly sacrificing herself in the process.

Now here’s the thing: Why did she kill Evbo at all?

It could be for the reason that is presented to us. Because she doesn’t care about him. Because he was a tool she used to get what she needed and she didn’t care what had to happen to him for her to get there. She only brought up the literal torture he suffered FOR HER as a way to manipulate him further into following her orders, and now he’s just an obstacle

But that *doesn’t make sense*

If he was just an obstacle, WHY did she let him respawn? We can assume she didn’t know that Prince Zam was waiting since if she wanted Evbo to be killed and not respawn, she easily could’ve done that herself. But she DIDNT. She actively chose to use her axe on him and let him respawn. She has to know that Evbo is going to come after her. She has to know that Evbos continued existence, especially as a Natural Born Sword, is detrimental to their plan. She knows this and she chose to use her axe anyway

That leaves us with the other possible reason:

Tabi did it to SAVE Evbo

Hear me out on this. Talking about her discussion with Clown, here’s how it goes:

“Let me be the one to do it. You have a longer life that I do, and you don’t deserve to die yet.”

“We’re all gonna die if we don’t get that sword, and you know I’m the only one good enough to get it.”

Clown suggests here that somehow, this plan will end up with someone dying. He is offering himself because she “has a longer life”, which could mean he’s older and has lower durability than her, or something else entirely, but that’s up in the air.

Tabi is SMART. She knows exactly what she’s doing and why. She knows that there’s a solid chance that she will die, but she’s willing to risk that for immortality. “We’re all gonna die”? Because of the other kingdoms?

Whatever it is, whatever she meant, she did not want Evbo as a part of this. She told him to move first. Attacking was not her first priority. She didn’t want to kill him, but she knew one thing:

Evbo could not go with her.

If she stayed true to her word, if she left together with Evbo, she knew he would want to stay with her. He would stay by her side no matter what. And she just couldn’t bare the idea of leading Evbo to his own death from their plan. Maybe she was hoping giving her the time to flee would allow the Diamond Swords to convince Evbo to not leave at all. Not like it would take much convincing (in her eyes) since he was already attached. Inside of the civilization is the safest place for someone as trusting and naive as him. She wanted to keep him safe, and if he came with her, the same thing that would kill her would end up killing him.

Tabi killed Evbo to save him I rest my case

[chilpilled]

ive been bingeing survivor lately because the current season is really good (q sweep) and ngl i cant stop thinking about dunmeshi survivor. laios obvious challenge beast who keeps finding idols, not even on purpose he just likes exploring the island and stumbles upon them on accident. the kind of player who’s dogshit strategically and completely on the outs (doesnt even know theres any strategy happening) but becomes a threat due to constantly winning immunities and finding idols and being endearing so people go from thinking hes easy to take out later to desperate to get rid of him. probably a very polarizing figure for viewers, i think casual fans love him for being a nice and earnest quirky character while superfans hate him for his lack of strategic prowess. i dont see him winning but he probably gets at least a few votes if he makes it to final 3 and he gets asked back for sure because jeff loves his quirky characters.

chilchuck might be a sleeper individual immunity challenge beast (a lot of challenges are dependent on carrying your bodyweight or dexterity) and is probably also narrator of the season. every time a conversation happens it cuts to a chilchuck confessional where hes sitting on a log being like „i hate these people i want to drown myself in the ocean. i want to poison the rice.“ not quite a goat but hes probably too abrasive to win many jury votes, tho it depends on who hes sitting next to. i dont think he wins but he probably becomes a fan favorite due to his bluntness and gets asked to come back in a later season but refuses.

kabru is doing 4d chess and running laps around everybody both socially and strategically and would probably get taken to final 3 where he sweeps the jury if he didnt get weirdly focused on laios and end up alienating his alliances. kabru strong early beginning, obvious winner edit being able to run the game while keeping his threat level low midgame, to meltdown over laios literally just running around the island pretending to be a dog, and getting voted out shortly before final tribal. becomes an iconic figure comparable to the likes of angelina and is definitely asked back, but also for sure on a season where laios comes back too.

senshi has no strategy but everyone loves him for being the provider and also just a genuinely great guy. is probably making his tribe elaborate meals every day and comforting them after challenge losses. everyone loves senshi but unfortunately that makes him too big of a threat so he gets taken out during midgame but everyone is really upset about doing it, they just know they have no chance against him in final 3. it doesnt matter if senshi is left out of every vote, its senshi so the jury would vote for him anyways. after the votes are read he probably slaps his knee and goes „aww you got me good guys well played!“ without a hint of anger and everybody knows it was the right choice to vote him but they still feel awful. probably hugs everyone and gives them some words of encouragement before leaving. huge fan favorite and gets asked back on multiple seasons but is unfortunately always voted off rather early because hes simply too big of a threat. a messianic figure.

marcille probably hates the island and is only there because falin is. probably good strategically but lets be honest here she would suffer every single day shes on that island. kept in the game through sheer determination to make the merge and see falin again, but is probably voted out not long after, because her and falin are dangerous together and couples always get broken up. fierce falin advocate on ponderosa. falins strongest soldier.

falin is probably just a very strong social player. shes not the most strategic, but is probably brought into votes just due to how likeable she is. senshi also serves as a shield for her threat level, so i can see her making final 3 without having a vote cast against her. probably sweeps the jury, partly because marcille has been campaigning for her on ponderosa, partly because shes just genuinely likeable and people want her to have the money, partly because i cant think of any person potentially sitting next to her that people would rather vote for. just strategic enough that fans dont really have a problem with her win, and nowadays people are more open to social gameplay, plus shes beautiful and a great person so yeah. falin wins because everybody loves her and everybody loves her for winning. marcilles work is done.

itutsumi isnt part of the game shes just kinda hanging out on the island. nobody knows why or what shes doing there but shes laying in the sun and napping. there are probably a few votes for her at the final tribal so there needs to be a revote. you can NOT vote for izutsumi. stop booing

[theneighborhoodwatch]

i see a lot of speculation on this blog but its kinda hard to see where you're coming from when there's so little out, is there somewhere specific you look for secrets? a lot of the spooky images on the artist's main website are beta designs that will be changed (perfect example is the baphomet image of wally where he has 5 fingers instead of 4 and poppy's neck is still bent down-ward, also we know images with wally's cross cuff is beta and not up to date).

i'm liking your theories btw, this is not me critizing you, i think what you're saying is genuinely interesting but it feels,,, too easy? we know that the story itself will have something to do with the idea of "home", what it means, etc, etc. if you wanna talk more in dms i'd love to chat, im just very confused and feel like something is missing from the source. if you want we can work together to compile evidence about the story and stuff. it might help a ton in laying out the story as it progresses.

[2nd ask] omg i totally didnt see the resource doc, that's so embarrassing. dms are still open tho

no worries! although i will admit i was VERY confused for a second there lol (and quite frankly, a bit wounded that you'd think i'd forget the importance of The Home in the grand scheme of things!)

you do bring up a good point about it being a risky move to cite concept art as evidence, since there's always a chance of Something getting shuffled around or outright scrapped in development. even now, i don't really like looking at WH's concept art from a literal/Plot-Heavy perspective just yet; i tend to look more for recurring visual motifs, possible symbolism, that kinda thing. to help myself out, i have a very basic sorting system when it comes to combing through concept art, which looks something like this:

concept art from around 2018-2019: pertains to a now scrapped version of welcome home. harder to find since it was all on clown's old blog before partycoffin. you likely won't find much here that applies to welcome home as we know it today but it's fun to track those little Evolutionary Changes through it.

concept art from around 2020-2022: home is introduced! the cast lineup is finalized! the Themes begin to take shape! i keep an eye out for Motifs here, but it's important to keep in mind that if there's any era of concept art where shit gets shuffled around the most, it's Probably this one.

concept art from site launch (feb. 14th 2022-onward): the most dependable era. concrete plot details that can be gleaned from concept art alone are still scarce, and to be honest, i don't mind that at all - but the visual design, and any recurring motifs by proxy, seem to be set firmly in place. it's like a chew toy for my brain.

as for your offer - i have plenty of folks in the discord and friends from elsewhere trawling through the site with me, but if you have any findings that haven't been recorded in the observation document or any theories that you'd like to discuss, then yeah i'd be happy to dm!

[dinotruxparty]

Reviewing random movies and shows: Ferdinand (2017)

Name movie: Ferdinand

Production studio: Blue Sky Studios

Release year: 2017

Streamed/watched on: Netflix

⚠️Review contains spoilers⚠️

To be honest: i genuinly didnt think it was gonna be as good as i think it is now

Ferdinand kinda follows an easy story; a humongous bull bred for bullfighting but doesnt want to fight escapes his home after his father dies from bullfighting and he finds a new home, but gets back to his old home and has to escape. Wich of course includes animals driving a truck on the highway, two bulls breaking into a slaughterhouse and oh lets not forget bulls doing an intense dance battle with horses, on music by NICK FUCKING JONAS.

And somehow.... its actually good.

What i like about Ferdinand

Starting off with things i liked about this movie.

1. How Valiente was treated: Valiente is the big bully that always bullied Ferdinand when they were calves physically attacking him and calling him "flower bull" and "weak", and despite how rude he was to Ferdinand (and well everybody actually, mostly Guapo and Bones) i understood him perfectly. This is one of the few movies i have seen where i ACTUALLY LIKED A BULLY FROM THE START TO FINISH. I mostly have this thing where i hate villains in the beginning and start liking them trough the story as i learn more about them, but i liked how Valiente was portrayed in the beginning. Mind you, hes been told his entire lives from calf to adulthood he has to be the strongest, otherwise he doesnt make it to ring, and if he does but isnt strong enough, he GETS MURDERED. But what Valiente doesnt know, is that he'll lose his life EITHER WAY. Bulls in bullfights get killed after the fight if they survive, and matadors RARELY spare bulls. Valiente has been lied to and manipulated, he truly believes that he either fights or he gets killed. And when he gets send to the slaughterhouse after losing a rage balle to Ferdinand (+breaking one of his horns) he truly believes he's done for when Ferdinand comes to get him out, and they end up saving Guapo who was sent to the slaughterhouse before. I also liked how Valiente, when he was a kid, was actually portrayed as a kid. Hes shown as this macho boy who wants to be the best and strongest, he isnt actually intimidating and capable of actually harming someone yet. I loved Valiente.

2. How the movie gives me a chance to sympathize for the characters. Not only are the characters understandable, but the movie also gives me the chance to learn about these characters. Showing Ferdinands dad before he got killed was VERY. GOOD. This movie could have made Ferdinand a "my dad was a fighting bull" character and have everyone else go like "but youre Rafs son, wdym NOT FIGHT!?" but INSTEAD, we get to KNOW Raf, we see his relationship with Ferdinand, THAT makes a characters death more tragic. Getting to know them, liking them, THEN learning they died. What makes it even worse is that its about a parent of a young kid. It really makes me feel sorry for Ferdinand. So many movies and shows these days with a main character with a dead parent are always like the "my mom/dad did this" "well if mom/dad was still here" cliche, BUT FERDINAND DOESNT DO THAT AND I LOVE IT. The moment when Ferdi sees all the horns on the wall hits even harder cuz of this.

3. How WELL Ferdinand is actually written. Not only does he clearly show his friends how wrong bullfighting is and as soon as he sees the horns on the wall he wants to get the other bulls out of the barn too, he also encourages them to find their own way in life. In the slaughterhouse when Ferdinand tries to get Valiente to come with him Valiente says: "So i can smell flowers and play around with goats?" Ferdinand tells him: "No, thats my thing. You can live your own life now" and as the cherry on top he tells Valiente: "youre more then just a set of horns", wich i loved. Another thing i liked is the fact that Ferdinand, despite not wanting to fight, clearly isnt scared. He says at one point: "why does not wanting to fight mean i'm scared?" And one scene later, hes in a fight with Valiente, clearly not wanting any of this, and accidentally breaking Val's horn. I always love the "Super big strong guy who is actually very gentle and sweet" dynamic, and this movie totally NAILS IT 🤣

Things i didnt like

Theres not much to say here. The only thing i didnt like is is how much the movie sometimes depends on flat humor or wacky scenes. While watching i was perfectly capable of taking this movie serious, but especially the dance battle scene was just so weird in some way, i saw it coming but i didnt laugh. I didnt hate it, but i just didnt really take it serious (especially when the horses dabbed like god help) but futher there isnt a lot to complain about.

Ending thoughts

Fun fact: i watched Ferdinand a few years back and Ferdinand was the only character that i genuinly remembered. I remembered Nina and Valiente, but i forgot their names and what the looked like, i remebered the names Bones and Frankenbull (who is actually named Maquina) so watching it back was very fun. It was amazing seeing all these characters i completely forgot about. Something about revisiting this movie was awesome, i loved it. Ferdinand may be a little wacky at times, but its definitley worth a watch! I would give it a solid 8/10. Would watch it again. This is a good one yall.

[robynbaldurlogs]

baldur log day 1 + 2

day 1 i dont have much to show for this day visually bc i wasnt actively documenting... but essentially, i: made my character, went through the beginning tutorials and stuff, took the little brain guy with me, saved shadowheart, and crashed on the beach. then i stopped playing. here is the only image i took before i got off LOL

day 2 ok. so: shadowheart is cool as fuck. i LOVE her already. cannot wait to strengthen the social link with her or whatever the hell you call it. get the friendship numbers up. this fuckass poem had me dead:

shoutout the bitch queen ig whoever you are. keep serving also i love this fucking guy. i can tell hes a conniving fuck but ohhhh hes kinda hot though!

like why is he kinda cunty. but yea anyways he joined my party. also met this guy. gale. he is strangely charming. but he also gives me zephyr breeze vibes (which is bad) and jack sparrow vibes (which is very good). told my friend speves that and that i thought he looked like a smart himbo and she was like "i dont blame you for that read" + "we'll see" which i Dont Know how to take. my judgements were based off the literal first minute of conversation btw

+ really stupid visual glitch i almost didnt notice. theyre fusing

shadowheart talk your shit man.

"just waiting, like a lovesick puppy?" ...... thats a bad thing? whatever you say man. gonna scare shadowheart with commitment. COMMITMENT JUMPSCARE BOO also little parentheses shadowheart is the most fucking dementia raven way ass name and i love it but it was hard to take it seriously for a little bit. warrior cats ass name. also i got crazy fucking lucky with my rolls. dont have many screenshots but i kept getting high numbers it was lucky as shit up until gale talked to me about needing to consume magical items like crack i read his mind with the mindflayer tadpole and found out it was cus he consumed some crazy ass Dark Magic or something, got a critical failure first, then just used some inspiration i had to get it right, and rolled high as shit LMAO

hit the rolls TWICE btw. read his mind once and then went deeper into his mind which had a 15 dc and got that too. hell yeah baby. also afterwards i was totally honest with him about reading his mind and he freaked the fuck out which fair i read your mind. i get it. but still

then i calmed him down by being like "hey man i had to know. youre dangerous" and passed the persuasion check :sunglasses: easiest game of my fucking life oh i talked to shadowheart abt her pains before that which was cool every conversation i have with her makes me like her more.

i met wyll. great guy. i went to camp to long rest and he dropped some INSANE fucking knowledge on me. like. i could live by this

so i switched gale out in my party with him LMAOOOOOOO and had a conversation with astarion about how hed kill me if i started turning. i asked what he would prefer personally and he said decapitation. which was CRAZY. so i was like yeah sure king decapitate me if i turn. do your thing. i trust your judgment

also talked to shadowheart bc i will seize every chance to learn more about her

then i left camp, talked to kagha while looking for a healer, got them to free a tiefling girl through more persuasion rolls (BECAUSE IM GOATED) and talked to the healer nettie who was fixing a Regular Bird

she told me how strange it is that we arent turning, to swear on my life id drink a poison if i saw any symptoms (which i of course agreed to, shadowheart approved and astarion did not) and stopped playing on the way to rescue halsin. fun times!

p.s. days doesnt necessarily mean im playing this daily but rather just what happens when i play per irl day... days just works as a way to categorize tbh

[speakofthedebbie]

How can I recommend fics which I've already read (As in finished reading)?

Beacause there's this one fic (Free Cookie by kirbywarriors On Ao3) I wanna rec so badd but idk how to rec fics on my blog

You did with Of Saints And Sinners, although you are activily reading that, so advice?

Thanks!! <3 ^v^

im surprised you remember my fic reccer era 🤭 but i suppose this is as good a time as any to tell yall

✨debbies certified (not) fic reccer guideline✨

1. find the fic

i know this sounds basic as fuck but listen. i have read a LOT. of fics, and unless it like really affected me or is currently updating, theres a chance ill forget the name. not a slight to fic, my adhd brain just be like that. now youve already found the fic so youre set! but for me, finding it entails looking through my pages upon pages of ao3 bookmarks (not like. actual bookmarks, like fucking chrome bookmarks yk)

2. check if the author has a tumblr

this is just a matter of preference but i want the author to know when i add them to reccs, so i scour (okay maybe i didnt scour as much near the beginning (never getting over how i completely missed @scungilli's tumblr)) their ao3 profile, fic desc,  or just straight up ask them if they have a tumblr

3. give your opinions

obviously im not asking for a play-by-play reaction (do you know long my already long radioapple fic recs would be??), just give a short, honest description of what the reader should expect and your thoughts on the fic. i mean, you probably have a reason for wanting to recommend it

4. gather a collection

if you want to just rec that work, thats totally fine! youre already doing that by sending this ask. buy, if youre so inclined, you could also rec any similar fics youve read in the same post

5. hit post!

now personally i have been adding fic stats (word count, last updated, next update) but that is totally a me thing and actually part of the reason the next radioapple fic recs is taking so long (it will come! trust!) so at this point just post that sucker!

[patrocles]

*guy who knows fuck all about twilight voice* i cannot even begin to describe how interested i am in your extremely specific thoughts on twilight. especially in regard to its takes on classism

I appreciate you so much for saying that especially since everything following this will be so deeply incoherent.

This is mainly in regards to the films since I've seen them recently and I haven't read the books since I was like 14.

The thing about Twilight is that the two defining discourses that dominated this series were "Is Bella a bad Feminist" and "Team Edward vs Team Jacob".

The idea that Bella (aged 17), upon meeting Edward (aged 109) and begins dating him, is ready to give up everything in her life to marry him, die, and become a vampire and devoting her entire life to him; does this set back womanhood decades or is this simply Bella exercising her free will. And the other being which guy is better for Bella, the mega wealthy Edward who can provide everything for her or working class poor Jacob who's the childhood friend.

Twilight didnt define the tropes of love triangles or even the concept of the girl plucked from obscurity and given the fairytale life by someone so insanely rich who could have chosen anyone but still chooses her. It's not even an objectively bad fantasy to explore. But I think what's kinda unique to Twilight and I think what a lot of bad booktok romance novels can trace their tropes back to in Twilight, is this idea that wealth can excuse any wrong-doing.

Edward is deeply controlling of Bella, he's condescending and belittles her, he grooms her, he leaves her deeply traumatized when he randomly abandons her in the second book/novel to the point of near catatonic depression. But ultimately at the end of the day it's fine because what Edward can provide for Bella makes it all worth it! He can take her places and buy her things, of course she'll be humble but that's why she's so #real. Hell it doesn't even matter that we don't even know what they even like about each other beyond mutual obsession and possession in the general sense. And this is something that's so pervasive in the romance genre, it's what spawned 50 Shades specifically. Abuse, physical or emotional, is excused by obscene wealth because what's temporary discomfort and domineering misogyny to private jets and mansions.

If we're being honest, the question of whether or not Bella is a good or bad feminist character is sort of moot when what we're actually seeing is just a sad story of an emotionally isolated girl have her entire existence wrapped up in Edward and know that she's never going to have a come-to-Jesus moment and value her own self worth over Edward. There's a scene in Eclipse when she tells Jacob that immediately after graduation, she's going to marry Edward and become a vampire like him. Jacob is angry about this but it's not even a "pick him over me" moment, but as a friend who doesn't want to see his best friend give up her entire existence to this guy. Even says, "he's got his hooks in you so deep". There's another scene when her father, (the MVP), just wants her to see her other friends outside of Edward and have some sort of life outside of Edward and it's almost like a metatextual awareness that SOMEONE in this story recognizes that Bella is being groomed and that this is all really REALLY toxic. It's a horror story! But of course it immediately pivots back to star crossed lovers bullshit because LOOK, Edward took her to a private island and they can travel the world. But more than anything it feels like they’re trying to establish a sort or attempt at a balance but what’s scary is knowing that Jacob and Charlie’s concerns and reservations are essentially pointless and empty compared to Edward’s financial and physical capabilities and the depth of his grooming in Bella. It’s actually charming that Charlie thinks he can realistically stand a chance against Edward if he really wanted to establish true parental control over his child. Like it’s genuinely sad to watch, actually.

And sure, so much of that we can write off as just being dated at worst. But definitely not end of the world stuff especially considering where that kind of trope has grown into way more severe cases of straight of kidnap/rape fantasy in mafia romance erotica we see today. Which is kind of MAD when you think about what teen girls were reading in the 00s versus what the teens of today are reading. I guess thanks Steph for being Mormon and keeping it PG???

But for ME, PERSONALLY, what's been kinda itching my brain in relation to this is how this pertains to Jacob. It is hard to view Twilight as mere late 00s nostalgia campy mess when I think about how absolutely awful Jacob is treated by the narrative for the sole crime of not being Edward, and by extension, wealthy. This isn't even about which guy was better for Bella, but how the story decides it was necessary for the reader to know that Jacob was NOT the correct option. He goes from earnest good guy who genuinely cares for Bella's physical and emotional well being as just a friend to her when Edward abandoned her, to basically a fucking incel who can't respect boundaries, and then Edward and Bella's lapdog in their happily ever after for no other reason than the narrative demanding it happen for Bella and Edward to be together. And for you the reader to want that to happen.

I've never been able to divorce the racial and classist undertones to this narrative choice to this. In a lot of media that came after that deals with love triangles, the "Jacob archetype" eventually became the often times not white, best friend, good guy type who was never really The One, but just another option for our Main Girl to explore until she gets back to the The One.

But thing is, Jacob was never just random guy option 2. He was working class poor and indigenous. A lot of his character is defined by this and his culture. And this HONESTLY made the Cullens animosity towards Jacob and the Pack kind of actually ridiculous and racist. Like I get Steph was just using the trope of Vampires and Werewolves: eternal enemies, but that isn't really applicable here when the shapeshifting isn't an trait that can be passed on to anyone like vampirism, but something unique to these specific people whose land they're infringing upon. So the little side digs and remarks and the absolute audacity that the Quileutes are just being so unreasonable when the Cullens have the money and means to live anywhere, but choose this boundary of a poor people who're merely trying to keep what's theirs, and we're still supposed to root for the Cullens because they're the Good Ones is like........... girl okay.

And this is all completely secondary to the way Steph appropriated the Quileute tribe, fucked around with their cultural traditions to invent her own lore, never financially compensated the tribe despite her and the producers of the films making MILLIONS, and two of the actors featured in the first film were recast for New Moon because they wouldn't cut their hair. BUT I DIGRESS.

I watched the New Moon special features where Chaske Spencer (who plays Sam) talks about how Jacob's house was extremely authentic to places he lived on his reservation. I'm not indigenous, but I did grow up working class poor and I personally always loved that this was a factor to Jacob and the pack. It didn't define them as people, but provided a sort of grounding depth and relatability that makes you want to explore them more. It isn't a lot but it's something. And hell, even Bella comes from a working class background which I genuinely liked especially as a youth when I'm trying to find some way to connect to this perfectly pretty white character.

But what's kinda frustrating in so many ways is how despite the alleged importance of Jacob and the Pack to the overall story, they are shelved so much. So we really don't get to see them, explore them as characters, their dynamics, and the tribe much as much as they could have been except for the very few times it's relevant to Bella and Edward. And given that Breaking Dawn specifically was TWO FILMS, there was no excuse for it. And it feels insulting to have the concept of the Pack, but we have to save our precious screen time for Bella and Edward playing chess.

I don’t even think people really understand just how almost non existent it is to see authentic depictions of lower/working class people in these kinds of stories. If you’ve never grown up poor it’s probably not something you even notice, just how default upper middle class almost everything (especially in YA) actually is. I think it’s something people don’t want to have to tackle so it just gets avoided? Unless we specifically need the 1 side character who is The Poor Friend, we need to have characters be in financially comfortable positions so the Plot can happen without having to worry about pesky things like bills. And so again, in that sort of authenticity it’s a double edged sword because while that is great to have included in a series like this, the classist undertones are so pervasive in how so much of Edward’s allure to Bella is rooted in wealth. A sort of inherent superiority to her own simple, non important life because of the trappings of his dress, his car, his mansion. There’s an unearned moral goodness that’s applied to Edward because of how we as a society view wealthy people as being inherently good and well meaning despite their actions consistently contradicting this. And it isn’t hard to see the ways in which this grooms Bella and that we the viewer must applaud this, cheer this, and would be aghast and disgusted if Bella was put off by the grandeur and wealth and wanted nothing to do with it because why would you possibly give that up? Again she can have the allusion of financial independence with a cute little job, but we know it isn’t necessary. We arent really meant to support the Quileute’s animosity towards the Cullens because they’re being irrational despite having bigger stakes that are considered frivolous and irrelevant to the Cullens (like retaining land autonomy). The best that Jacob could ever achieve in this story is to be at service to the Cullens and that’s meant to be a happy ending for him. Whatever his hopes and dreams were are inherently inferior to how important being the guard dog to a half vampire miracle child.

So yeah. I get the whole Twilight Renaissance, I get why people go back to it especially as it pertains to girlhood nostalgia. The soundtracks remain in constant rotation. I get why people want to reclaim the thing that made them happy in their youth when society shamed them for it as being just Cringe Girl Stuff. But for ME, it is hard for me to watch these and not be icked with how a lot of things were portrayed especially when it could have been a better story.

[clownycat]

in honor of the sab season 2 trailer, heres malina and darklina as a taylor swift song each

Malina

Message In A Bottle

/And I became hypnotized/By freckles and bright eyes/Tongue tied/

thats so alina to mal in the beginning when they're stationed at the fold <3

/But now/You're so far away and I'm down/Feelin' like a face in the crowd/I'm reachin' for you/terrified/

mal when alina gets taken to the little palace

/Message in a bottle is all I can do/ Standin' here/ hopin' it gets to you/

mal and alina writing letters to each other, just hoping the other will get them😭💔

/You could be the one that I keep, and I/

lil ol over protective mal 😒

/Could be the reason you can't sleep at night/

alina not being able to sleep bc shes thinking of mal </3

/These days I'm restless/Work days are endless/

could be alina, learning at the little palace, or mal, tracking the stag

/How is it in London? (London)/Where are you while I'm wonderin' (wonderin')/If I'll ever see you again?/

both of them to each other<33

Darklina

Would've, Could've, Should've

/If you tasted poison, you could've/Spit me out at the first chance/

if the darkling had known how much alina would fight back, would he have manipulated her from the start? i think not

/If I was some paint, did it splatter/On a promising grown man?/

the grisha that think alina got in the way of the darkling (ugh)🙄

/And if I was a child, did it matter/If you got to wash your hands?/

AND! HE! GOT! AWAY! WITH! IT!!!!!

/And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil,/At nineteen/

darkling = devil (also john mayor). also also, SHE WAS ONLY 17!!

/And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven/

and GODDAMIT SHE STILL FEELS LIKE HE FILLS A HOLE IN HER

/If I never blushed, then they could've/Never whispered about this/

the rumors at the little palace😒

/But, Lord, you made me feel important"

THIS!!! alina was an orphan, her entire life she felt unimportant, AND HE USED THAT.

/God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be/

look, i didnt want to be a halfblood grisha

/I regret you all the time/

do i really need to explain?

/The wound won't close/

the darkling just wont leave her alone man

/If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?/

same as above ^

/Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts/Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first/

GIVE ALINA BACK HER GIRLHOOD!!!!

*its also good to note all the religious themes throughout the song, and with people seeing alina as a saint

[cometchasinglove]

I hope you're happy with the pain and suffering you have caused. I have known Freckly for YEARS, I've gotten to spend a week with her in person and share space and time together, and she has always been kind and honest and sweet. I've seen her go through 2 relationships that ended badly, and you still left her the worst, and yet still you are letting people attack her character. All you had to do was block her, tell your friends to block her, and respect her wish to keep your comissions private. Thats it. All her vent posts are tagged. She is allowed to be angry. There is a difference between feeling rage and making a threat. People are allowed to have extreme emotions. You should know, you blamed every single awful thing you said and did on being Bipolar. Other people have reached out to her telling Freckly you've done the same thing to them.

Also, Freckly isn't trying to lay claim to Starscream, but she feels she's lost him, that he was taken from HER. And you told her you SAID you didn't have feelings for starscream but you were lying. She said she was happy to share but for some reason you still just lied to her. She's also told me about the art you got. The things you've said. Just leave her alone and tell your friends to do the same. And maybe try and keep your promise about keeping your comissions private, just let artists send them to you, like you *promised*.

Just because you're nice to some people doesn't mean you werent awful to others. Thats actually a common abuser tactic so-

Just leave her alone and let her move on. If she could catch a break from you and the people talking to her about you, she'd be able to move on and stop talking about it. She left a website she adored and had friends on for 8 months because of you. Give her peace. I'm only saying something now because your partner is slandering her. Tell them being kind to one person doesnt mean you arent capable of hurting others. Where's the proof Keri did anything to you?

You probably didnt even read all this, and theres an even smaller chance you answer. If you did, I hope you grow and better yourself. I hope you get it together. And just leave her alone so she can get past this.

Hello, anon. No, I am not happy with the pain and suffering which I caused. However, I am not responsible for her feelings.

I am aware that I did wrong things. I apologized for them, never did them again, and I intend to move on from this horrific fallout.

Attack her character? Anon, she is the one who decided to publicly demonize me in front of her thousands of followers.

She is not venting. She is absolutely making threats against me. I can understand feeling rage, but death threats are never acceptable.

Anon, it’s bpd. Not bipolar. I didn’t use it as an excuse and I even mentioned that to her. It is an explanation and I realized my mistakes and I am constantly trying to better myself. I apologized and I want to move on.

Anon, you cannot rip a fictional character away from someone when they were never ours to begin with. I apologize for lying to her, but I did want to preserve her feelings because I know how attached she is to this character.

Anon, I don’t owe her anything. I tag my commissions properly and I even ask artists to do the same, but I owe her nothing. Likewise, she doesn’t owe me anything, either.

Where’s the proof that I intentionally abused her? Where’s me convincing her that Starscream wouldn’t love her?

If she really wanted to move on, she wouldn’t make death threats directed towards me.

As for my partner, she is responding to her claims, especially when she called for my death.

Anon, did you ever stop to think that I am suffering as well? I cannot eat. I cannot physically eat as much as I am suppose to because ever since she made her “vent” post, I have been unable to eat like a normal, functioning human being. That is not her fault. But I cannot help that I react this way. It is something that I must heal from on my own, much like herself.

I agree. I want to move on, but she has to be willing to as well. I hope that she seeks help and feels better.

[spawnradio]

... ill be honest man. i havent fully, i dunno if i ever will fully get used to it. but the difference between us is that i grew up there, yknow? you had like. normalcy before you were there, a kinda baseline for what life is like that i didnt have. and youve been there for a long time, so like, that baseline gets worn away, and you lose your sense of normalcy where like. i never had it to begin with. im starting from scratch here where youre like. relearning to walk almost.

its hard. i think its always gonna be a learning curb. fit, my dude, i didnt know what a microwave was until i was off that server for like 3 years. but i can say its gotten better. yknow i didnt sleep in a real bed until like. fuck. not quite a year ago i think? ive been off of 2b2t for almost 4 years now i think? give or take. for the first while i just... never stopped treating things like 2b. there was always a catch, always danger, nothing could ever just. be. but i found people who i was. maybe not stable with but who helped me. and given, that kind of. ended badly when my closest friend got beheaded. fun fact, apparently we have a wikipedia page bc of that shit. but i really didnt get like... better? until i was taught that anarchy didnt have to be Bad. that i wasnt inherently destructive because of where i was from. and i mean. im still not normal. im never gonna be normal. if i ever die theres a decent chance im gone for good bc of my client bullshit, which is something i can never get rid of. its part of me now. its always gonna inform the way i act, how i see the world, even after ive worked past a lot of it. hell, my name was picked because of it. i think, now, i can say im mostly used to it. i sleep in a bed. i have friends, loved ones, i have a room and its permanent and mine with decorations and personal touches and my bed is In There and not hidden somewhere else. its safe and i dont even have a lock on the door. i have a real place i call home, with people in it i care about, and i feel safe there. i think thats about as used to being off 2b as i can get. i still dont like loud noises, and gapples kinda make me feel sick nowadays, but yknow. a little nausea is better than losing a leg so ill take it. long story. sorry this was a lot, and it doesnt really fully answer the question. i think, personally, youll get used to it. it just takes time. you'll never be quite the same as who you were before. thats okay. 2b, as much as its home for us, really hurt us. you can love something that you know hurt you. it had its good and bad, and we can take that good with us forward. give it time. i know it sucks to hear, but time and good people will help you more than anything. trust yourself and trust your loved ones, and you'll get used to it. its like... a leap of faith almost. 🌕

[His voice, when it comes through, is choked up. It stops after the first few words, though-- radio smooth.] Alright. I let this sit for a few days. Thank you. Shit, thank you. Okay. That's... yeah. I feel better now.

[dukeswonderousmenagerie]

Mad science-Fujiko again, sorry it took awhile to answer

Just thinking about Fujiko’s emotional reaction, she’s schocked she didnt see the betrayal coming of course, but its more that she feels stupid, than personally hurt. (I think to her, its like missing the obvious signs of a storm when she’s normally good at reading the weather)

Whats far worse is the feeling of helplessness and the realization her efforts have been for nothing. She tried to keep her friends safe and instead she’s probably got them killed. She’s about to lose everything.

Also thinking on how she might go about convincing Jigen when insisting she was betrayed too doesnt work. Explaining herself? Telling him that she fucked up because she was afraid and desperate, because she couldnt stop thinking about what would happen if she lost her friends?

No way, Jigen wouldnt believe it in a million years.

She can try to give him all the information she has on the person who’s actually behind the disaster and the experiments they worked on, but he’s not gonna believe her until he sees she’s told him something true, perhaps something about the new zombies or mutants theyre fighting.

Ah hello my little friend! It’s nice to see you again :3 I hope your having a good day! I wrote a little something the last ask you sent!

It’s right here 

But yeah that would be how I would think it would go.

A key word to describe Fujiko to me would be duplicitous. No one really knows what or more specifically WHO’s side she is on, and when asked by people if she could be considered trustworthy Jigen would probably admit that it‘s "not an easy question to answer." Thought we have all seen that Fujiko can be trusted to repay her debts to people who help her, she has betrayed more then aided enough for her to be greatly considered untrustworthy, especially by people who take the trust of people very seriously, like Jigen.

To be honest, I think the reason why THIS particular “betrayal” would hit so hard for Jigen especially is because of the situation they are all in.

The world has basically ended. No one, besides those who know the contents of the USB, knows where the infection has started, but at this rate, it really doesn’t matter. The undead have been spotted in nearly every major city from New York to Texas all the way to California and that’s just in the US alone. Across the ocean outbreaks in major countries like Europe, Britain, France, Germany and China are all commonplace. Certain places may have dealt with the undead and have found a way to deal and aid other places in order to help their recovery, but others are still struggling like in the US.

This is far bigger and far worser then anything the gang has had to deal with. This isn’t some rival gang trying to move in on a score. This isn’t running from the Cops. This is the big deal. And yet to Jigen it’s seems despite that all that, despite everything trying to kill them already, Fujiko still couldn’t seem to help herself by betraying the group ONCE again. Regardless of her motives or not.

And what’s sad is Jigen would have given her a chance again. He would have believed her when she said she didn’t know. But the problem now is that he’s not thinking straight. He see’s this as another betrayal. Plain and simple, no surgery coating can change what this is. But now because of Fujiko, one of the few people he himself has left in this crazy world where everyone is trying to EAT them, is dying. 

Jigen knows if he loose’s Lupin that he is going to absolutely loose it. He had little to hold on already before the world went crazy. Not to mention he had already been struggling with feeling like a failure following the death of his niece the beginning of the outbreak. Now if Lupin dies that’s the last straw, it will kill him. Because Jigen’s not like his sister, he struggles connecting with new people. Maddalena doesn’t, she’s built a community around herself to deal with the changes the world has given them and the loss of her daughter, she has made friends.

Jigen HASN’T

Jigen CAN’T

Jigen can’t just make new friends like his sister does. It’s not who he is. He already struggles with the one’s he has. Plus his trust issues actively just refuse to let him get close to other people, especially new people. Constantly scrutinizing every motive like it’s a farce or a soon to be attempt on his life. 

Lupin is basically the only thing he has left in this crazy world that he can trust. That he can love. And even if she didn’t mean it, there’s a big chance Fujiko just took that all away. 

The ONLY THING keeping him from putting a bullet in her head IS Lupin. As long as Lupin is alive, he can’t kill her. Because the one thing Jigen tries not to do is break promises. He already broke the promise to his sister that he would keep her kids safe.

He failed.

It almost killed him

He won’t break this promise to Lupin, not as long as Lupin still breathes.

But time is not on Fuji’s side with this one. . .Even if it turns out she was telling SOME truth, the fact of the matter is, Jigen isn’t gonna want anything to do with her if Lupin doesn’t make it, he already hates that he has enough of a conscious not to throw her out of the QZ to fend for herself, if he had his way he’d have thrown her out on her ass. But nope. . .he knows he can’t do that..

[littleeyesofpallas]

I know ive said it once already but goddamn these covers. Just spectacular.

Anyway.... 3 issues in begin to brush up against the faintest beginnings of the downfall... We open on some indistinct flashback of Damian training with Talia in a desert before a massive monolith. We get these gorgeous illustrations for the fairytale like legend of "The Grim Soldier."

A tragedy about Farhad I Parethes and Aleasa torn apart by the curse of an unnamed witch, clearly drawn in the Orgham matriarch's attire. He fights a demon called the Asher, like the Orghams dust, and defeats it with the blessing of a sun god, Maera. But the sun that kills the demon kills his love and so he curses the gods and dies in protest.

There appear to be no meaningful references in any of these name choices that I could spot.... Which seems a little weird to be honest, so I dont trust that I didnt miss something. I did stumble into a claim that Azmer as an "islamic" name means "like a lion" and the Azmer illustrated for the myth has a distinctly lion face. But I found on corroborating source on that etymology, and the site that made the claim was one of those shitty baby name databases. So i dont really trust that at all, but it is a weird conincidence. I guess theres some off chance that someone googled "lion names" and somethinf like "islamic names" and came across the same bullshit entry.

Anyway, I find it funny that there is a little note on the last spread, "with apologies to Toppi" as a nod to the obvious Sergio Toppi influence. I cant tell if that was supposed to have made it into the final print or if that was a personal doodle/note from the artist.

Oh but we get this sort of weird footnote that while this fable might be thematically relevent its morals are outdated and so its conclusion in this parallel can yet be changed. Talia very overtly calls Bruce her Grim Soldier at a later point to really hammer home this idea that while the Orgham witch and the Grim Soldier as Batman may be locked in a comparable battle, Talia's role as Aleasa wont be to die in vain. This leaves the sole question of whom the sun god Maera is in all this...

Back to the present: Batman briefly revisits his anxiety attack thing, beats up some hospitalized thug to trace a lead back to Talia via an anubis emblem that conveniently mirrors the bat coaster we saw last issue with Harvey. I dont remember if this icon has actually ve used with the League of Assassins before.... It is sort of confusing given the iconography already in play. He tussles with Talia and random ninjas before realizing he's being distracted so he wont thwart the League's attempt to assassinate Arzen Orgham on his yacht. Oh and here where we got the hard confirmation that Prince Arzen Orgham and his mother Queen Dariah Orgham are in fact ruling monarchs of Svatstral. Moreover its established that thekr ties to Gotham land ownership is apparently a matter of very public record???? Which again seems to squander the sort of historic mystery of how this legacy was passed on from tgeir old ways unto gotham.

And then Ubu shows up to kill Arzen while Batman tries to get there in time to stop the assassination...

Not a super eventful issue but the Toppi tribute art really carries things, even tho the myth it illustratra is a little inane and contrived.

[pesterloglog]

Jake English, Jane Crocker

Act 6, page 4587-4593

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Aloha madame.

GG: Jake!

GG: Hey there. I was actually about to message you.

GT: Yes i have heard that maybe your correspondence was forthcoming.

GG: You did?

GT: I just got off the horn with roxy.

GG: Wait...

GG: What did she tell you?

GT: Well. Not anything all that specific.

GG: Did she goad you into writing this message?

GT: Oh you know how it is. What with her ways.

GG: What ways?

GT: You know... ways!

GT: I believe they are not incongruous with those of a feisty and provocative young woman.

GG: Provocative my behind!

GG: She is skirting dangerously close to meddlesome territory.

GT: No its really not like that!

GT: Hold on...

GT: God dammit.

GG: ??

GT: Its just dirks inscrutable wrestlebot acting up over there.

GT: What the fuck is it doing now?

GG: Has one of his gadgets been causing trouble for you over there as well?

GT: If by causing trouble you mean clobbering the everfriggin tar out of me while still switched to the "novice" setting then yes.

GT: But that is not why i messaged you!!! I will not be deterred here jane.

GG: Deterred from what?

GT: Jane i think its time we had an honest to goodness dame to fella talk. Like about our...

GT: Stuff. You know?

GG: Our stuff?

GT: Our feelings.

GT: Like how we feel about each other.

GG: Um...

GG: Yes.

GG: Okay.

GT: I dont think im out of line in suggesting weve been tiptoeing around some things here do you?

GG: Have we?

GT: I think so. Its just a hunch.

GG: Is there something you want to say to me, Jake?

GG: About how you feel?

GT: Absolutely!

GT: I feel that total honesty between us will be the best policy as we begin our journey together.

GT: So i say lets put all the facts on the table where we can both see them.

GT: With that in mind i would like to ask you a question jane and i hope it doesnt strike you as being too forward.

GG: ...

GG: Go on.

GT: Maybe its just my imagination but ive picked up on certain lets say hints.

GT: So i have to just come out and ask. Hoo boy this is actually proving to be a serious challenge to my bravery now that im going through with it.

GT: Im getting a little hot under the collar here!

GG: No, it's ok...

GG: Please continue!

GT: Ok then.

GT: What id like to know is...

GT: Do you like me jane?

GG: Uh.

GG: Wait...

GG: What?

GT: I mean do you like me as more than a friend?

GT: Do you envision us as like...

GT: An item? A romantic pairing of sorts?

GG: Wow, um.

GT: Is that the direction in which you would prefer our relationship to progress?

GG: Well,

GG: I

GT: Please! Be honest with me jane.

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me?

GG: No!

GT: I see.

GT: Very well then.

GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now.

GT: Are you sure the answers no?

GG: I guess...

GG: That...

GG: Sure was the thing I said! Ha ha.

GT: Yes fair enough.

GT: I guess i did put you on the spot there didnt i.

GT: You know it may sound cocky of me but i really was not prepared for this answer!

GT: You must think im just this epic friggin tool now. Couldnt say id disagree if you did.

GG: No!!!!!!

GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here?

GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way!

GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here.

GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that.

GT: But now that i think about it you know what?

GG: ...

GG: No? :(

GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief!

GG: It is?

GT: I consider you to be a lovely lady of the highest caliber and i really think any gent worth his salt would be a huge bozo to let the chance to go steady with you slip through his fingers.

GT: Ive even given the possibility some thought myself.

GG: You have?

GT: Sure im only human jane im going to entertain lets say certain ideas. What ifs. You know?

GT: Like what if we did meet up some day? And you asked me out or something. Im sure id say yes given all weve been through together and then well who knows?

GG: You would??

GT: Probably but im kind of babbling here. The point is those are all just silly daydreams about stuff and about your feelings for me that i was projecting on you which werent even real.

GT: And now that weve been honest with each other about this we can kind of move on and just be great friends.

GG: Friends!

GG: Oh boy!!

GT: And its a load off to be honest because that was lot to think about on top of everything else!

GG: Everything else?

GT: Things are kind of complicated for me jane. With you and roxy and dirk and his crazy responder and now...

GT: Well its a tangled web lets just put it that way.

GG: I don't think I'm following.

GT: There are a fuckload of irons in the fire jane!

GT: So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons.

GG: And mixed metaphors, apparently?

GT: Exactly. See? You get it.

GG: I really don't, Jake.

GT: Oh son of a bitch!

GG: What?!

GT: The robot is being weird again.

GG: What's happening?

GT: Its having some sort of mental episode.

GT: See this is what im talking about jane. This is what im dealing with here.

GT: Sigh. Like i said my life is many different hells of complicated.

GG: Jake, could you just tell me what you're talking about?

GT: Youre right. I did say honesty was the best policy didnt i so i might as well not keep certain things so close to the vest anymore.

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier!

GG: Haha, yes!

GG: Friends!!!!

GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately?

GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!!

GT: Jane are you alright?

GT: You seem to be exclaiming more liberally than usual.

GG: Me?

GG: HOO HOO HOO!

GG: I'm just

GG: Terrific!

GG: I'm feeling so...

GG: Friendly!!!

GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems.

GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah?

GG: Shit I mean

GG: Ahahahah!

GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart.

GT: So as i was saying.

GT: I cant help but feel like all this stuff going on with dirk like his responders mind games and his brobots mysterious and brutal hazings...

GT: Are all like...

GT: Man i know this is going to sound crazy.

GG: What?

GT: Like theyre all part of a really long term and esoteric courtship process that is bizarre but somehow makes perfect sense in his mind.

GG: Courtship??

GT: Yes from dirk.

GT: To you know...

GT: Woo me.

GG: Huh!

GG: Really?

GT: I know its hard to believe but i know dirk pretty well and...

GT: Well im more than a little sure he likes me in that way if you catch my drift.

GT: And what with how he is...

GT: Just so relentless and aggressive about everything you know?

GG: Yeaaah.

GT: So i just start to wonder deep down if maybe its inevitable.

GG: What's inevitable?

GT: Him and me. As more than just best buddies.

GG: Uhhhhh...

GT: I know if he has his heart set on something he will never let up.

GT: So maybe its just going to happen and things will be easier that way and i should just try to come to terms with it?

GG: I don't think you have to do anything you don't want to, Jake.

GT: Yeah.

GT: Um.

GG: Wait.

GG: DO you not want to?

GT: Like i said jane i am inclined to entertain certain ideas and what ifs thats all.

GT: I mean we do get along really well and share a lot of interests.

GT: Im not saying im really GUNG HO TO THE MAX about the proposition but yeah ive given it some thought.

GT: I dunno.

GT: Do you think thats weird of me? For even considering it?

GG: Well...

GG: No.

GG: I don't think that makes you weird, Jake.

GT: Really?

GG: I think

GG: That

GT: What jane?

GG: I think that it's great if you are open to exploring those feelings.

GT: Thats really swell of you to say that.

GT: Have i mentioned what a top notch friend you are jane?

GG: Yes.

GG: As a matter of fact you have.

GT: Now please dont take me as saying im about to go leaping into his arms or anything.

GG: Heh.

GT: That would be a bit brash.

GT: Haha could you imagine??

GG: Whee!

GT: But my thought process sort of went like this.

GT: Hes been my best friend forever and ive always liked him a lot as a bro.

GT: And years ago i used to joke around with him that we would probably be totally into each other if he was a girl.

GT: But of course that was before i started to realize he was probably serious about those feelings for me regardless.

GT: Heheh come to think of it maybe that was unwittingly poor form on my part kind of leading him on or something?

GG: Whoops!!

GT: But then...

GT: Later i started thinking.

GT: Maybe i was being kind of unfair to him in the first place?

GT: I mean by saying we would be a good match only if he was a girl.

GT: Like is that last condition there really all THAT important?

GT: Does that make sense?

GG: Hmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GT: You are incredibly understanding jane. Thank you so much for listening.

GT: I have never told anyone all that. Its so great to have a friend as good as you.

GG: That is what I am good for, it seems!

GT: If we hadnt cleared the air just now i probably never would have had the gumption to talk about it with you.

GT: Its so cool how you were honest with me about how you felt. I think honesty is always the best policy. I cant believe how much i was overcomplicating all this in my head.

GT: Haha the situation is really pretty funny when you think about it.

GG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

GG: Yeaaaaaaaah..........

GG: Say, Jake?

GG: Not to cast doubt on your feelings, but are you quite sure all of Dirk's actions have been for the sake of courtship?

GT: Um...

GG: You did say his robot was prone to assailing you, did you not?

GG: Is that really an affectionate gesture?

GT: Well...

GT: He basically sent me that thing as kind of a sparring partner.

GT: Like to wrestle with.

GT: And i love to wrestle!

GG: Oh.

GT: And yeah i guess he programmed it to be a bit overzealous but i mean what do you expect from the guy.

GT: I think its his way of training me to become tougher.

GT: Which sometimes is annoying and sometimes when i walk through the jungle im sweating bullets wondering if its going to pounce on me outta nowhere.

GT: But theres actually something kind of exciting about that its like every day is more of an adventure.

GT: And truthfully its probably working i probably AM getting better at being in scrums.

GG: Yeah.

GG: I guess you're right.

GT: And his responder which i guess is really a part of his personality even if he doesnt like to say so...

GT: It kind of lets on a lot more than dirk ever would. Its almost like its this weird clone of himself playing passive aggressive matchmaker between me and his real self.

GG: Yeah.

GG: I can see how such a complicated relationship could keep you preoccupied.

GG: I guess I can't blame you.

GG: Maybe you should just...

GG: I don't know.

GT: What?

GG: Maybe you should just go for it.

GG: Hell, why not.

GG: Just tell him you know how he feels and that you're open to the idea?

GT: You really think so?

GG: ...

GG: Yeah sure why the hell not.

GT: Well i was kinda going to let it play out and just see what happens and go from there...

GT: But you think a more proactive approach would be better?

GG: Well,

GG: He likes you.

GG: You seem to like him well enough.

GG: Just...

GG: Yes.

GG: Why not??

GG: Sounds good to me!!!

GT: Wow.

GT: I must say this sort of advice surprises me coming from you!

GG: And why would that be?!

GG: What, are you expecting me to advocate a more conservative approach?

GG: To tell you to keep being shy and cagey and keep beating around the bush indefinitely??

GG: What would ever give you that idea about me!

GT: Hmm.

GT: Yes i guess that is a certainly a strategy to consider.

GT: Jane i must say your perspective on this is refreshingly bold.

GG: I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT AS REFRESHING BOLDNESS GOES I AM SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS.

GT: Hehehe! Sure looks that way!

GG: Screw it!

GG: Ask him out.

GG: Just kill the suspense already.

GG: Become boyfriends and such.

GG: Have some babies!!!

GT: Whoa now!

GT: Jane the decision to sire children with your best bro is not one to be taken lightly.

GG: Okay I think I have to go.

GG: I have this stupid game to play.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

[duckquackingtochicken]

Your level of fucked up is beyond this world.

You never really loved me & apparently you have always planned for me to be your last 'fling' and to throw away like trash once your wedding day has arrived.

Even till the end, conveniently forget to mention how you fucking drove me to 'god knows where NUS' and did what you did while I was drunk.

Then lead me on with your 'appreciation turning into affection'.

Did I not try to leave you multiple times? Did I not ask to to draw lines between us?

How many times I said goodbye?

Did you come back and haunt me each and every time, making me fall deeper?

When you cried and asked me for another chance to treat me right?

Then after it all, blame me for falling too deep?

You treated me like a convenience store, like fucking trash.....

You treated baby like trash, like a threat to your 'fairytale life' that you had to eliminate.

You lied and lied and fucking lied.

Yet I foolishly believed you again and again.

What kindof spell you had me under?

You tell me you are sorry 'for anything/everything' and you don't know what you are sorry for....then brush it off with 'whatever I say you also won't accept'.

I would have accepted 'i'm sorry i just wanted to fuck you, i didn't expect you to fall so deep.'

I knew you couldn't give me shit but I asked for one thing and one thing only: to always be honest and I'll embrace whatever truth you throw my way.

Is there anything in the entire chapter was true?

You fucking knew right? You had me wrapped around your finger.

You tell me I fault you for speaking the truth....if ever I fault you for that, it was because your truths were inconsistent as fuck that just left me more confused.

If I have anything to fault you to begin with, you should be asking yourself why and not blame me for faulting you.

Tell me about 'too much vested interests' and 'how 5mil then enough to go chop coconuts & make cocktails', 'in another time we'd be happy together', 'want to write chapter after chapter'.

After that then come tell me 'i love her more than I love you', then refused to admit I was just fwb/fling/convenient choice. I was anything except the person you love.

Because love isn't this fucked up.

Love isn't asking someone to go hotel at 4am after they declined to go your house, when they still in recovery from the first abortion & bleeding - ask from 1am till 4am until she finally caved in to you.

And then went radio silent on her right after leaving the hotel.

Love isn't getting her pregnant and then say she sell you insurance, excuse it after she called out your bullshit with 'didnt knew I came across that way' but you entirely did because after that text about selling you shit....you didn't follow up ONE TIME about her wellbeing and on anything regarding the pregnancy/recovery and happily went radio silent blowing your hot & cold wind as usual.

Love isn't the lies you told her, the false hopes you gave her and the fuckery you put her through.

You knew I'd always give in to you, so you used my love for you against me.

Whatever spell you had on me, whoever that girl was who loved you so blindly.....

It doesn't exist anymore, you killed the cat's 9th life on 16 march 2023.