#it didnt hurt. it just felt wrong | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

imthatwannabeauthor · 11 months ago

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I need to walk into the ocean with small open wounds. I need it bad.

#I need the salt to petrify me right #I need the ocean to putrefy me #I need to be purified in the way my baptism never quite took #I remember when my baptism happened. 8 years old. common age for it as a mormon kid #I had just lost another tooth that morning. and i didn;t know where to keep it. so i held it in my mouth until my mom found out #I had cuts on my legs. i dont remember what from now #but i remember the water didnt feel right on it #it didnt hurt. it just felt wrong #I need to do it again #I need to do it right.#I need to walk the desert for miles repenting on my knees. for ive done things that need repenting #i hope it stings #I hope it infects #I hope i have to spend weeks carefuly healing those salt wounds.#good thing im so far inland.#I think the ocean to me is like that poem about the meanings of the word hold #the hold/hell/hollow poem

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everythingwasnormalhere · 4 months ago

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jst woke up from YET ANOTHER transphobic south park dream and. what was that????? (it had kenny angst so im not complaining)

#it was like. the whole trans ppl in bathrooms debate #kenny was the pov character btw #anyway the girls said trans ppl should use whatever bathroom they please while kenny and cartman said nuh-uh #(the cissy inverted LMAO)#kenny was all triggered? for some reason??#he lied on the bathroom floor with cartman and ranted to him and fuck if my heart doesnt hurt bc i remember exactly how i/kenny felt #my son ;-;#cartman was like “use mysterion to change the girls' minds” (they didnt know he was mysterion btw)#and kenny not wanting to bc he deep down knew he was wrong AAAA MY BOY #anyway a girl asshole started recording their convo and taking pics and im not sure if i/kenny just hit her or killed her?? but desurv #then there was some weird trip shit idk unimportant crap #running from the cops blah blah blah XD #this was kenny angst it was more fun :3

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undercooked-spaghetti · 10 months ago

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RGG really decided to hand-wave Chitose and Lani's departure from Infinite Wealth and instead gave us the most mind-numbing post-credits scene for the snoozefest that was the Saeko/Ichiban subplot that felt like it barely did anything for the plot or characters.

#yakuza #yakuza 8 #yakuza 8 spoilers #infinite wealth #infinite wealth spoilers #text post #dont get me wrong i had a blast playing y8 #but the buildup fell apart by the second half and the writing seemed weak at some point #its too bad they went so hard with “ichiban believes in EVERYONE” side of his personality because it feels like it hurt his character #like yeah he was naive and friendly in 7 but he didnt just have blind faith ALL THE TIME and it felt like he got flanderized #RGG tried to go so big and it's a shame because they NAILED the gameplay but the writing suffered by the end #i hope that when 9 rolls around they have it covered because OOF #yeah i didnt care at all for the saeko/ichiban stuff because it didnt feel necessary SUE ME

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hana-bobo-finch · 1 month ago

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I fucking hate miya I fucking hate miya I fucking hate miya I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH I HATE HER SO FUCKINH MUCH someone is gonna have to sedate me before I EXPLODE

#hey look it’s one of those rare times I post about roots and not PDBC #I fucking hate miya have I mentioned that already #she makes me SO MAD so FUCKING MAD she’s the worst character #finally caved in and read the previously-lost-media-pages that explain what her deal is due to my brother’s constant begging for me to do so #(I was going to do it on my Own time but I’m sick of being pestered about it)#and I hate her even MORE holy shit #genuinely trying to tone down my language so this post doesn’t get marked as mature or something #she is SUCH A BITCH SHE I CANT STAND HERUHLSIHIUSNUSLINSUILUNLSNDLUNDNUIDL #don’t go read roots to see why I hate her. don’t do it genuinely don’t do it you’ll get pissed off #MIYAAAAAA 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕AAUUGHHHHH #I know this post won’t make sense to anyone I just need to get it all out because screaming makes my throat hurt #and full disclosure I Did scream about it. I got very heated over it (this is normal behavior) (no it’s not’#my brother has the NERVE to say she’s like leif. they are nothing LIKE each other #miya will be the end of me I hate her So Much #have I mentioned that she was needlessly rude to Kurt like wha the fuck #Kurt did nothing wrong and she just was so mean to him for no reason. appalling behavior #this bitch miya has the nerve to act all morally superior to everyone else when she’s just as bad #something something glass houses something something the entire conflict is Miya’s fault #roots my beloved but also I have never felt this much genuine hatred for a fictional character before #she legitimately caused the main conflicts‼️ she’s horrible!! and not even in a funny way!!#I’m not gonna pretend finch isn’t a total jackass just because I think he’s funny alright? he is #but he’s ENTERTAINING he at least DOES HIS JOB AS A JACKASS well #I Love villains but not when they’re ACTING LIKE THEYRE NOT ONE. COUGH COUGH MIYYYAAA 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕#miya is such a horrid. horrid thing #I’m needlessly heated over this but this hatred has been brewing for a year now #exactly a year now in fact. happy one year anniversary of the start of my unhealthy hatred of this fictional character #I need to calm down I need to calm the FUCK down #she is SO STUPID like ACTUALLY she could’ve fixed the cause of the main conflict before it even happened #but she Didn’t she DIDNT I need to CALM DOWN #if miya has zero haters then I am dead

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s0-theres-this-grrrl · 2 months ago

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I have messed such good things up so many times because of my stupid mental illness.

I reminisce and go back through old messages and it makes my stomach drop to the floor. All of the good, wonderful things that slid from my hands, and I let them. With ease. In fact, I expedited their departure with my bullshit cowardly behavior and I can tell you right now I didn't even fully grasp what I was doing. Sickening, if I'm honest.

It's a heavy, deep, searing ache - wishing to go back in time to change things. I wish so deeply that I could do so that it feels like I'm being forced into a deficit of a vital need. It feels all too similar to grief, imagining and fantasizing about how different life could be, the people I would still know and love who would love me, and how much happier I would be, if I'd just been less of a coward.

#nicknames I will never be called again wow that one shattered my heart tbh #why did i do what i did #why was i the way i was #im so mad at my younger self she was fucking stupid #hey porky-pine if you ever read this im so sorry for what i did i didnt mean to hurt you i just couldn't see past my own nose #i was so scared to communicate what was going on in my life so i just ghosted you #that didnt reflect how i felt please understand that it was incredibly complicated and i was a shit head #you did absolutely nothing wrong im so so sorry #you were beyond wonderful and i mean that truly #i wish i didnt make us strangers #i saw all of the cool things that life has brought to you and i saw that you deleted me on Facebook #im just glad youre happy #sincerely brighteyes

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f1owermoon · 3 months ago

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sometimes i get way too aware of how me being depressed affects my loved ones and i just feel an incredible amount of guilt!!!!!!!

#i remember a year ago my suicidal ideation got BAD BAD to the point where my brain kept thinking of all the ways i could kill myself #and it was so frustrating for me bc i wanted to do it so badly but i was too scared #and i also thought of my family and loved ones bc i didnt wanna hurt them. or what would happen if i didnt succeed #it got so bad to the point where i ended up telling my mom about it cause she knew something was wrong #and she obviously got incredibly upset and started crying. and i felt so bad and kept wondering if i should've just stayed quiet #but it was eating at me and i couldn't deal with it anymore #and its just like yeah i know you care about me and i wish i didnt feel unlovable and worthless and wanted to kill myself sometimes #oh wow sorry for the rant #// suicide #raquel speaks

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fardf150 · 7 months ago

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fuck

#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all #bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever #but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then #but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou #s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck #i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked #i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself #fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her #and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it #but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all #im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet #I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands #'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring #you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act #like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even #fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me #i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned

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mylifeiskindacrazy · 2 years ago

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ellie should have killed both, abby AND lev

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dream-sans-mogai · 9 months ago

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Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

#clover speaks #clover vents #its ok they said just do whats best for you they said #and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me #and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass #it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap #its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice #they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards #even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me #its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder #i get the look aways and the silence #they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to #i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE #FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON #IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS #i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what #im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose #as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot #fuck allistic people man #im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe...#im never safe i will never be safe #im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it #no matter what i do or how much i try to express it #i feel things i love people im not a robot #this hurts so much...#sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any #i dont want or need any more allistic judgement

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gibbearish · 1 year ago

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i can't take any discourse post seriously if it says "x side is refusing to listen to survivors" because if you can't accept that survivors are not a monolith and may disagree with you in regards to your shared type of trauma then it really begs the question, are YOU actually listening to survivors? or are you only listening to the ones who say what you already thought and disregarding the rest as a) people who are incapable of understanding their own trauma and therefore can't be trusted to make decisions about it for themselves or b) outright fakers?

#i also go out of way to try and take all discourse posts with a heaping helping of salt but these ones specifically im like #conflicting access needs dude what hurts you might help another person so you need to step back and ask yourself if what they're doing #is overall harmful or just harmful to you specifically and act accordingly #theres nothing wrong with you being the problem here‚ its ok to be like 'i cant be around this' and dip #ik the word problem has negative connotation but idk ive always felt like my brain worked a little differently than other ppls w that #problem doesnt mean anything morally bad it just means somethings not working as intended and so #you need to problem solve to fix it #you have a problem that is you can't be around xyz thing while others can #and in your own spaces youre allowed to solve that problem by requesting others not bring it in with them if doable or to work together #to minimize its impact on you if you have to be around it #but in spaces where that thing is accepted and enjoyed and you are the outlier‚ theres nothinf shameful abt the solution to that problem #being removing yourself from that space #you were the problem‚ so you solved the problem. it doesnt have to be a bad thing yknow?#same with 'broken' ive had multiple people to me explain why i shouldnt use that word about myself but im like #no i understand abt forming neural pathways with negative words but its not negative to me genuinely !!! its just a descriptor!!!!#like. a part of my body is supposed to work/exist in a specific way‚ but it didnt. it was broken‚ it couldnt perform its intended function #it was broken‚ and we fixed it #you wouldnt tell me to call a broken bone a fuckin. 'area for improvement bone' it got broke! it dont work anymore!!#my brain doesnt produce the chemicals its supposed to‚ its BROKEN and im taking medicine to fix it #i think veronica got it but i only got to see her for a few months #anyways. that was kind of offtopic but i think still follows the central theme of just. understanding that sometimes people's brains #work different from yours and they process the world differently than you #i dont call other people broken because i know that would be mean given how their brains interpret the word but i do feel comfortable #using my own version of language to describe myself #autism dialect KENFKSBFKSBFMDB

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ningningkittie · 10 months ago

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i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((

#it's bc i saw that he #uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty #and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all #he said that he had me as his background #so now i feel so fkn sad #i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die #i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly #and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it #or even have a 'it' with me #hurts so bad #so now im just in an awful headspace...#i hate myself so much #i wish i could go back and not do what i did #i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him #but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now #and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be #and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand #bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do #i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy #the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that #i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it #then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me #plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him #but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him #it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone #and it started w them wanting me back #who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding #that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning #i will bealone forever and i just wanna die

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alligaytorswamp · 1 year ago

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ermmm something happened to my hand and now it like feels uncomfy and 2 of my fingers don't work properly ahhahahaha (im panicking)

#i mean i had issues with it for agessss #if i did smth too tough (like picked up smth heavy) or drew/wrote for too long it would hurt #like my palm and wrist and even till elbow #and recently it like suddenly started hurting on my ring finger #idk english like that but the part where it connects to the palm BUT closer to the pinky #it would hurt every time i would like move my hand and ring finger was involved #couple days later it stopped hurting?? all seemed well yet my hand now felt a bit off as if i overworked it but i could actually do stuff w #w/o pain #last night i noticed that my pinky and ring finger like.. don;t work right??#idk how to explain but like when i bend them instead of slowly bending like they should they kinda snap into final position?#it;s doesnt hurt just feels very Wrong #and on top of that #i can like straighten them #u know how u can put ur hand into a fist and then straighten each finger separately? i cannot do that w my pinky and ring finger #fun fact my pinky couldnt straighten for year but ring finger was ok. rn my pinky is WORSE? like it's just not moving unless entire hand do #um very fun for me AHAHHA #and idk today the entire muscle/nerve/who knows hurts from my palm to my elbow - which isnt too uncommon for me but i didnt do shit to caus #it. i have been doing nothing pretty much and it still feels OFF.. :'(#anyways i will be getting some shots in case it's um an inflammation of the joint and then we will see if i get better #dont even have a doc near me im in a VILLAGE (throwing up and dying)#someone pray that my hand gets better #adry.txt

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao #a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head #sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so #i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet #at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me #location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take #measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring #at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which #was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im #just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for #and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do #something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move #like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which #would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data #processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for #vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to #without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding?#idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and #that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it?#anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so #when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok #but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we #just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece #pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked #hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done #unrelated

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buggs-in-my-soup · 2 years ago

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Hate lying to people dude I really hate lying to people about all this

#i was acting kinda weird and stuff cuz i was exhausted and everything hurt and i was disassociating and all that fun stuff yk #and he wanted to stop playing games with me cuz i was clearly not doing so good and he wanted me to drink some water and eat a snack #and it hurt cuz he was just being nice and caring about me and i just felt like shit that he cares #i feel like a fraud #he asked me later about how i was feeling and if i felt any better after taking a break #and before he left he told me to get better #and he thinks that all thats wrong is i had a bad headache #he doesnt know i have an ed he doesnt know that i relapsed and im sh-ing again #he didnt know that right before he called me i was working out so much i felt like i was gonna throw up #fucked mind opens #tw ed #tw vent #vent #ed vent #he doesnt know that everything thats been wrong with me lately is just all symptoms about my ed #i feel so bad

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theood · 2 months ago

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#dream tag #negative #i had a dream my engagement ring snapped into like 3+ pieces completely broke at work. And I had no means of fixing jt. So I went to a #jewlers to try and fix it and when i startex to talk to the lady at the service desk they had she got really upset with me and inwas talking #incorrectly to her. And all ineas doing was trying to explain what happened to my ring but i wasnt getting to my point fast enough or soemth #ing and eventually she ran off and inwas the bad guy for over explaining and no one really knew what was going on and i just started crying #in the jewlers and this older man hugged me and comforted me about it but it all felt so wrong. the entire dream. indont feel good about it.#at all. i dont know if its a reflection of the fact i just feel awful. and how i feel like im being replaced and not good enough or it's a #message of what's to come or something else entirely. it just didnt feel good #i really reslly do not think i was made to be loved becusse i only hurt people who try

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thebigqueer · 5 months ago

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Your breakup really really reminds me of my first (and only) wlw relationship/breakup everything you're saying hits home a lot. You will get through it but tbh it's so hard to heal and it still grinds my gears when I think about her and how we broke up. Idk if that helps but I understand what you're going though

YEAH MAN ITS TOUGH OUT HERE FR!!! its not my first queer relationship but like something about this is genuilnely the most world-shattering romantic experience ive had cuz we went into this soooo head over heels for each other like we were literally moving SO fast. and at the time i was like is it ok for us to even be moving this fast (probs tmi but we were literally making out shirtless by like 2nd time we even made out) (probs not a big deal to most people but i experienced a LOT of new things with her that id never experienced befoer & the fact that i was so WILLING to do it so fast was what surprised me the most) but then i was like okk whateverrr i really like how fast we're moving. and i was like 'damn if were moving this fast & if im feeling so good it has to end soon right like theres no way life is going to let me just be happy w this' and then i was like 'no elts not think about it' and then what do you know 5 months later she brekas up w me. and neither of us did anything wrong but it was so random??? like i dont understand how one moment shes telling me how excited she is to spend the entire semester with me and then literally 36 hours later tell me shes not feeling an emotional connection but wont even give us the chance to work it out. i know she also broke it off for personal reasons but its like... this was something we could have TRIED to work out you know!!! maybe it wouldnt have worked in the end but literally nothing felt off to me at all & if id known she was feeling this way i wouldve done my best to make things better. the entire breakup was so sudden and honestly im really not mad at her because i know how nerve-wracking it is to be in your first relationship. i think its just that im really dispapointed she gave up on us so easily you know??? didnt even give us a chance to figure it out

#sorry you didnt ask for a rant but man im not even going to lie the main reason i even rant about this on tumblr is cuz its so much easier #than talking to my friends #not cuz theyre not kind & underestanding and stuff. i mean just generally ive always been better at saying things by writing anonymously #like i never cry on my friends but this was the first time ive ever done that and even then #every time i tell someone i broke up with her i generally dont feel anything i feel like im just retelling a story #other than that one time i cried on my firend #like its just so much easier ranting on tumblr than telling my friends. also if eel really bad ranting to my friends #cuz i know they care abou tme but also like how much of 'i want her back' are they going to take yk??#every time i get tipsy i start complaining about how much i miss her and these past few weeknds my friends have heard an earful of tipsy me #like i jstu dont wnat to burden them like that #but yeah anyway. i feel you anon this shit is so hard #and i feel like the other thing is when its a hetero-presenting relationship friends find it easier to be like 'fuck him / her!!'#and obviously thats not always going to make the person feel better cuz EVERYONE is complex but in a way its nice feeling that support from #friends. but my dating experiences have always been queer and i feel so guilty any time someone says 'fuck them! youre out of their league'#because like the thing about queer dating is i feel so much more understood and it all feels so much more intimate #and when you cant even get a 'fuck them' from your friends it just feels so alienating in a way #idk how to explain it #obviuosly if the ex is a cheater then its valid to be 'fuck them' but in my case none of them have cheated & theyre both very copmlex peopl #weve all done probelmatic things to each other yk #i think its just like. how am i suposed to get over her when our relationship doesnt feel like it should have ended at all #like it was NOT our time!!! NOTHING felt off or wrong or anything!! i thought we were really happy!!#i think she broke it off in part because she was afraid of the moment things went wrong but man this hurts much worse #cuz at least if things started going wrong it would make SENSE to break it off. but BEFORE things go wrong? this pain just feels unnecessar #anyway heres to hoping my insta stories trying to look hot convince her that she messed up and she should totally date me again #and well live happily ever after for at least a few more months #anon tag #asks

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