#it definitely wasn't my year
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very chaotic art summary, just as all the year 2024 was
#art summary 2024#is this still my artblog or is it just 50 shades of dio#i feel like every drawing here looks like it's been drawn by a different artist#it definitely wasn't my year#I don't like my current art style like I used to do#but I also didn't really have a time to improve to change it last year#I'm telling myself that the next year I will find more time and peace of mind to draw but we will see#positive is that I did draw something every month and that's a great success with all the things that were happening in my life <3#and I have good feeling that this year will be better for personal progress~
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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God rest my soul I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close Stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time
#swedit#starwarsedit#star wars#anakin skywalker#anakinskywalkeredit#userlumi#starwarsblr#usergif#*mine#*2024#*gifs#[complex]#[lyrics]#ts#connected the lyrics in oct 2022 wanted to make the edit march 2024 and it's almost 2025 now 😅#belated 10 year editing anniversary edit (21st lmao) 5yrs giffing but 10yrs editing oml 😭😭😭 very pleased with how this turned out#wanted to go all out to mark my progress that sort of thing haha wasn't sure if the green would work out I so rarely use it in my edits#very out of my comfort zone but forever associating this song with green bc she wore the green surprise song dress when I heard it live :)#I was DEFINITELY thinking of him when I was screaming my lungs out in the nosebleeds on feb 26 2024 :))#and a moment for finally putting anakin padmé obiwan AND ahsoka in one gif 🥳
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the scarf is coming along and soon I'll have to get used to wearing *gasp* actual colors that aren't black or grey or so dark they could be mistaken for black when it's dark out
#still not sure abt the colors#I kinda took whatever yarns felt comfy&homey to me#which might be why it matches my apartment decor a bit too much lmao going out dressed like my apartment sure okay that works#it's also giving ''scarecrow'' to me for some reason (tho.. I could be madder abt it like scarecrow could be a look)#anyways the joy of doing things urself is that u can choose whatever colors and just sorta see how it goes#like idk if it's colorblind combo but I think I'm definitely gonna be wearing it#(my main point wasn't to make something actually super good and great; just to have something to do and practice my knitting which like#I made a hat like 9 years ago and have barely done anything since (aside from like 4 random squares when I once thought I'd knit a blanket#but like dude?? a blanket as the second thing u've ever knitted?? that was too ambitious. So hence a scarf; a small blanket))#aesthetic#I truly dont know any arts&crafts tags#studyblr#booklr#bookblr#december 2024#2024
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STOP TREATING THE USAMERICAN COLONIAL PROJECT LIKE IT IS COMPLETE!!!!! it is an active settler-colony, and by acting like it's not actively colonizing the land it is on you are literally doing their job for them. you all are like five minutes away from lamenting the fucking vanishing indian.
#spinning my web#sorry im just really mad#had to unfollow someone for reblogging a post from that fuckin korean dickhead who was being anti-black#which wasn't their post to be clear#but the tldr of it was that native americans ''are still USAmerican'' which.#on a literal definitional level yes we do now get citizenship without having to beg for it (happy 100 year anniversary for that law btw)#and we no longer have to beg for permission to leave the reservation
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Art Vs Artist for 2024 but the artist's face is mostly obscured by the artist's beloved assistant/nuisance
#been a weird as shit year for me in life which definitely impacted my motivation to make art#and i honestly wasn't sure i'd have 8 pieces of public art i definitely liked from this year for this but i was happy to find i did#hopefully next year is better and i'm able to make art from a more comfortable and stable place#also the beloved assistant/nuisance is called willow#she's not even my cat she's just a cat that i happen to live with who really likes me for some reason#art vs artist#art vs artist 2024
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a lil too late to post for tobio's birthday so just have this as good vibes for the new year
#haikyuu#hq#hq fanart#hinata shoyo#yachi hitoka#tsukishima kei#yamaguchi tadashi#kageyama tobio#karasuno first years#fanart#my art#can you tell kageyama being the team's baby is my fave trope#golden maknae for real#sparkles definitely wasn't inspired by all the glitter anime pfps coming back
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I thought if we weren't friends at least we could be partners
#I introduced my partner to haikyuu last year and wasn't expecting to be hit so hard with feelings upon rewatching#but i definitely cried in this moment YET AGAIN#haikyuu#kagehina#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#hq!!
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You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)
remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?
and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)
also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)
altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???
oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)
they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))
and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!
(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)
with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!
and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)
and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))
but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.
god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?
basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.
because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!
it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.
like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.
like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.
the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)
like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.
so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh
#assassins creed#ac1#altair ibn la'ahad#malik al-sayf#ezio auditore#asscreed#rant#long post#this is killing me#i even started rereading the secret crusade bc i thought maybe i remember it being worse than it is#but honestly its the opposite#even just the fact that in the secret crusade altair always says some last sentence after his targets' confessions#has me so irrationally angry aksjdfh#like over sibrands body he says something like 'may death be merciful' or something#like? did they want that to be like requiescat in pace or something???#like aside from the fact that altair WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THESE THINGS#it also just destroys the tension built up by the target's last words#like... i do think it was very much on purpose that the target always had the last word in the confessions#sigh whatever its just a stupid video game from over 15 years ago who cares#(me. i care. unfortunately. i wish i didn't. send help please.)#also the fact that bowden just completely fucked up arabic naming conventions with the whole “umar/darim ibn la'ahad” thing#(which is kind of an achievement considering that wasn't too great in ac1 to begin with)#tho bc of that they kind of inadvertantly ended up implying that roshan is altairs ancestor which i actually kind of like lol#anyways sorry for this giant wall of text#this is probably (definitely) the longest post i've ever made lmsadjf#but i do think i've gotten most of it off my chest.... maybe#maybe ill add stuff if i come across something else that makes me angry lol#sorry i know i promised an essay and instead delivered a rant#i just dont think i have the capacity to actually structure my thoughts any better kajdsf
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Holger unfollowing Carlos for like 5 minutes and then following him back is the most Holger thing to do
#childhood best friends to enemies for like five minutes#still people are NASTY with some comments (the bullshit I had to read in twitter dot com as soon as I woke up needs reparations)#another day another me complaining about tennistwt amazing#ANYWAY this is so funny if my thesis wasn't beating my ass this could be a great thing to write about#also I don't think an Instagram follow is that serious lol maybe holger just unfollowed by accident (?)#still if it was to catch carlos attention he definitely achieved that lmao#(at least holger didn't unfollow carlos for like 2 years UNLIKE OTHER STORIES *coughs* casper)#carlos alcaraz#holger rune#holgitos#runeraz#<- I think I'm the only person vibing here
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this blog is 11 years old now 🎉
I drew the siblings ever to celebrate as usual
#loz#wind waker#legend of zelda#toon link#aryll#I wasn't gonna draw anything but then I sketched link real quick and I was like okay wait i can do this#and then my brother dragged me outside ☠ but i still got it done today!#the anniversary is today. tumblr sent me a notification like ravio is 11 years old now! ravio the character is actually 11 years old.#albw released in2013. i received two reminders this morning. ravio drawing soon maybe. coming this year definitely. maybe#arylls like big brother use a damn fork#<- that was the tag when I first started drawing them in 2018#also i noticed when I draw aryll i always draw her in her blue dress so i decided to change it up. i only play 2nd playthroughs of wind wak#r because fun fact: i hate link's green tunic and hat. i finished a first playthrough years ago with a finished nintendo gallery#and then when i want to start a new playthrough i fight ganondorf again go through the credits cry and then BAM new game no-plus#i miss link's green tunic now though. its been so long. im so sick of champions garb...............idk the green is iconic idk#im not a huge fan of it but i think his base form should be green again. with the hat. let him look doofy as a default again#he was green in echoes of wisdom but i need them to follow through after again.#i didnt finish echoes of wisdom yet (SOON IM TRYING IM STUCK I NTHE SONIC ADVENTURE 1 WEB HELP) but what I saw of Link there?#he was kinda terrifying lmao its always funny to see that link is so extremely competent because i am not. that boy efficient#im stuck in the sa1 web because everyone is always talking about how good it is. so i played the pc port and. its apparently awful idk it i#thats just what sa1 outside of emerald coast plays to me tbh. but the dreamcast is supposed to be better. and i own a dreamcast. free me#i played on gamecube too. 12 years ago. it made me sick. maybe one day i'll install some mods that make it play better#why does it feel like the month is over when its only january 6#i played sa1 as a kid btw. just emerald coast tho. ALSO I DIDNT BUY A DREAMCAST FOR THIS I ALREADY OWNED ONE
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you want a new kind of guy, fine, i raise you: the lady i was briefly roommates with in college who once smoked a blunt at a party and then spent an hour confessing earnestly to me that she genuinely preferred reading detailed episode recaps over actually watching the tv show in question
#she sounded so remorseful & i just stood staring like an anthropologist watching their phd thesis spontaneously manifest before their eyes#apparently she would watch the pilot episode to get a feel for the characters#and then just read a bunch of recaps & episode reviews instead of watching future episodes. what fresh steaming hell#this conversation took place like a year and a half after we were roommates btw. i had seen her maybe twice in that time period#i thought she was a standard frat girl but then 18 months later she appears in the wild grass to reveal unhinged character background to me#and i'm just standing there nodding feeling like i missed a weird opportunity i did not want or ask for#honestly thought i was the weirdest person in that apartment situation but now i'm wondering what our other 2 roommates were hiding#not my strangest college experience at ALL but like. definitely top 20#this wasn't the same person as Aquarium Girl btw but oddly enough they were roommates actually#(not at the same time that Recaps Lady and i were roommates but at different intervals idk)#anyway i probably should have interviewed at more than one apartment before taking over a sublease but summer sess is a weird time u know#oh and this happened in Hong Kong btw
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that time of year again — here's an art year-in-review!
and the previous three years' reviews as well:
#em draws stuff#this was an interesting one... definite signs of me having a new favorite brush for big paintings#200% increase in dragons from last year... also I put one thing in here that wasn't digital art for once#there were definitely Better pieces I made in june but I'm really pleased to actually have done something with gouaches that I Like.#also has anybody else noticed that tumblr has changed the file size maximum that you can upload here.#because the past 3 years' files went up fine previously but This Time apparently the images were just too huge.#actually my guess is that that ceiling was the same and the website compressed it down as part of the uploading process#and now it doesn't do that anymore and just breaks the post editor instead yayyyyy what fun
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Ya kno I've seen your pride animals quite a few times now, initially I wasn't thinking about requesting but I'm very interested now!
Please show me a panromantic asexual Lykoi?
Thanks for your time 🙏
You may of course see a lykoi. Here ya go!
#ask#art request#art#my art#critter series#panromantic#asexual#pan#ace#pan ace#panromantic asexual#lykoi#lykoi cat#cat#animal art#queer art#lgbtq+#lgbtqia+#i actually did a cat a few years ago but it was wayyy more simple than my current style for critters is (and obviously it wasn't a lykoi)#but man is it funny to put the two side by side and see the sheer difference between them#i hope i did your lykoi justice :)#it's admittedly the first critter request i've had to look up because i had no idea what it was when i got this ask#but it was definitely fun to discover them#queue
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I know it's le most tired trope ever, but, "Oh no, Person A cooked all this food for Person B, but Person B is already on their way out / not coming home until late / eating out with his hoe / whatever / so they let it all go to waste!" always gets to me. How DARE you let Person A's cooking go to waste!! She spent all this time on top of the stove for you!!! EAT HER FOOD >(
#It is definitely a result of being raised by my mom#she spent most of her younger years handling food insecurity#so she HATES to think of me going hungry#and she was very set on family meals#our food tastes also run quite different. so often in my childhood I'd say I wasn't hungry when I didn't like the food.#and she would ALWAYS insist: 'Are you not hungry or do you not want this? I'll make you something else.'#so now as an adult I'm always like.#'THEY MADE YOU FOOD. EAT THE FOOD. HOW DARE YOU!!'#'IT WAS MADE WITH LOVE'
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Do you ever think about how Arya being left-handed most likely had an impact on her needlework and other tasks? And how she needed special attention not only because she wasn't as naturally gifted as her sister but because the way she was being taught fundamentally didn't work for her? And how instead of being given the attention she needed she was instead held to an unfair standard by her teacher and used as a measure for bad behavior? And how this all impacted her self-esteem and her views on being a Lady?
#arya stark#septa mordane#catelyn stark#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#I think about this all the normal amount I'm definitely not obsessed with Arya and her internal conflict on being a lady#I'm not saying her being left-handed is the sole reason she was bad at those tasks but I do think it had an impact#that's why it gets pointed out by Syrio and how it will impact her swordplay...it has an impact on the way she does things#Arya not being able to fit in kills me because she genuinely tried to be the Lady that her family wanted#she was literally trying her best to do tasks that didn't come naturally and she was constantly told she wasn't good enough#if her family hadn't forced the issue and been so hard on her it would've been so much easier for her to do what was expected of her#it's just so fascinating and one of my favorite internal conflicts...I can't wait to see the resolution#so many people try and make Arya the problem but she was literally 9 years old#and her behavior in canon isn't the disruptive wild child people portray her to be she was doing her best that just wasn't enough for some#she was frustrated because her work wasn't as good as her sisters and her teacher mother and sister made sure she knew it#of course that's going to impact her views self-esteem and behavior#like no she was not a burden that her /poor/ mother and teacher suffered through lol
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