#it couldve gotten lost so many times

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

.............

I may have checked on the rocks again

0 days without checking the rocks

Anyway 2 of them are super shiny so I took them out early

I cant find any before pictures of the black and grey rock even though I'm positive I took one but whatever

Eeeeeeee so shinyyyyyy

I think the black one is a conglomerate of some sort and thats why the light grey part didn't get shiny. Still turned out good tho

[loopnoid]

No more star trek?

i still love star trek dearly! i wish i could be one of those artists who are just pumping out art all the time like it's nothing, but unfortunately i am quite slow and my drawing energy is limited so i tend to focus my efforts on my newest ideas, which are usually for my latest interests. i haven't necessarily given up on star trek—i still plan on participating in the yearly swimsuit zine however long it runs (i skipped this year's because of burnout and college but i'm doing better now), and i'd love to do some art for lower decks before it ends... but i can't promise anything :( i can barely keep up with new ideas for new interests, so going back to older ones is a little difficult for me, much as i try. i don't like it anymore than you do but it is what it is

[deus-ex-mona]

sometimes i still think about how honeypre (rip) took a hiyori mv and somehow made it aiyuu

[popppyfur]

...Im having thoughts and i need a 2nd opinion.

How long ago do we reckon trolls were caught/eaten/found by bergens? (relative to the great escape for simplicity)

lemme walk you through my thoughts...

we dont know how the tunnels got there, did the trolls dig them? or something else? or were they always there?

When did Peppy decide to use the tunnels? when were they discovered?

How many trolls did the bergens eat. surely at first they must have bean eating HEAPS of trolls daily before realised that they would run out. how long was it until then?

It had to have been long enough that they would have then decided to make trollstice (help cant spell) a yearly tradtion. could it at first have been monthly?

We dont know how many pop trolls there were at first. have their number gone down? by how much? since more being eaten means less babies.

How many queens/kings were at the troll tree? Just peppy? his parents? But that raises the question of wether or not any of the escaped trolls remember a time before the bergens.

-- A brand new, different anon.

GOD you reminded me of when i eventually realized how massively fucked the pop trolls were pre 1st movie. i remember trying to read everything i could that talked about it and staying up til 4 am to do it because holy hell they were being eaten on a yearly basis. IM HOLDING UR HAND AND SHAKING IT REALLY HARD. and im gonna answer this as jumbled as i can bc. its me. the professional yapper.

on that note ! all under read more to spare everyones dashboards

also, i havent really gone through actual specific numbers, my brains just settled on some vague decision that the pop trolls dont pass the hundreds, or five hundreds. that is to say, poppy would probably still try to know everyone by name just bc she would lol. so i hope you guys can just make up imaginary numbers of years too !!

we dont know how the tunnels got there, did the trolls dig them? or something else? or were they always there? When did Peppy decide to use the tunnels? when were they discovered?

ive always kinda assumed that the pop trolls dug it themselves! they knew about it long enough that they bothered to leave behind decoys of themselves after all. im assuming its a part of a long, long long list of attempts to escape, and they finished digging just a bit before the last trollstice. peppy wasnt gonna risk losing any more, especially since poppy herself was gonna be given to gristle

How many trolls did the bergens eat. surely at first they must have bean eating HEAPS of trolls daily before realised that they would run out. how long was it until then? It had to have been long enough that they would have then decided to make trollstice (help cant spell) a yearly tradtion. could it at first have been monthly? We dont know how many pop trolls there were at first. have their number gone down? by how much? since more being eaten means less babies.

i lost the damn reddit post so im gonna make my own screenshot instead LOL

from left to right, classical, techno, pop, funk, country, and the red blob under them; rock with a mix of other trolls

so like. THIS FUCKING DEVASTATED MEEEEEEEEEEEE. assuming theres more classical trolls just off screen, the visible sheer difference in numbers from the pop trolls in comparison to the other tribes (FUNK IS AN OUTLIER HUMOR ME) just. genuinely left me a bit speechless.

and if you go back to the first movie and remember that the entirety of their village fit in branch's bunker not to mention the DAMN POT? it just. really puts itself into perspective. bc that stage was still relatively big, but the pot. the fucking pot. the entirety of pop village

ALL of them. in THERE? isnt that crazy? we can say that some escaped, sure. but just the fact that they couldve gotten wiped out just like that is so. messed up to me man ToT

i dont remember which fic i read it from anymore, but there was a line going how the pops initially outnumbered the other tribes and thats how they were ever able to threaten actually overtaking everyone. and like. YEAH SURE. fuck me up even more like that why dont ya!!!!!

so suffice to say, pop troll population not doing so hot! and all your thoughts is just one domino falling after another. you piece together the pieces and ultimately just ending up with one undeniable answer. they got eaten. simple as that.

How many queens/kings were at the troll tree? Just peppy? his parents? But that raises the question of wether or not any of the escaped trolls remember a time before the bergens.

and ur first question, putting them together for one last godawfully long ramble :]

How long ago do we reckon trolls were caught/eaten/found by bergens? (relative to the great escape for simplicity)

the fact that world tour makes it a point to say that only peppy ever knew of the other tribes makes me lean more onto the assumption that its been... a while? but also like. no one's ever mentioned viva? no one remembers the princess who was old enough to fight bergens and mention that to poppy??? whos to say these guys arent just repressing everything as they always do????????? [ITS HARD TO ARGUE SPECULATIONS HERE BC they had to make plot for the movies to make sense!!! its why it feels so mean to me to just blame everything on peppy LMAO. even if that is the easiest way to make sense of it. I WANT NUANCE DAMMIT]

so for the sake of it. i like to think that theyve been under the bergens' capture long enough that everyone outside of the royal family forgot about the time that they were even free from the bergens. long enough that the royal family could rewrite the scrapbooks to make it seem like it wasnt their fault. that it never was. whether to spare themselves the blame, selfish deniability, or just. give up the hope that there was a single minuscule possibility to have help from the outside.

i said before that i headcanonned peppy holding resentment for them in the belief that no one could ever bother to just check. and thats part of the reason why he doesnt even want to attempt getting to know them, since it probably felt like no one EVER cared except for themselves.

again. im sorry that i dont have a specific number for you though ToT the most i can say is that: its long enough that they forgot.

POST ANSWER ASK RAMBLEEEE

heres a fic that made me ugly cry about this! i think it gives really good answers to your questions!!!!!!! and though it doesnt completely fit with whats 'canon' (when has anything ever) its such a horrifying and deliciously good outlook on how the bergens affected the pop trolls as a whole! cant recommend it enough!! please leave the author kudos and love especially if this is your type of jam!!!

more than anything. the realization of how hard the pop trolls' lives mustve even been prior to the first movie made me have so much fucking love for them even more?? T_T even if it is unhealthy to an outside perspective, they tried to stay positive, and they got through all those yearly eatings thanks to it, no wonder they try to stay within that mindset even after everything. sometimes i wonder if they felt like its all they had

[hyunsvngs]

Hey juno I’m just testing if this is reaching you cause I’ve sent soo many different asks and you’ve never answered a single one so I was wondering if something is wrong from my side

i did clear my inbox a while ago bc of having a lot of old asf asks in there that i didn’t really feel up to answering

if ur ask hasnt been answered here’s 3 reasons why this could be:

1. ive said a few times that if an ask doesnt inspire creativity i won’t reply to it bc i can’t exactly force a response so that could be the case with some of urs if u havent seen them answered

2. another situation that couldve happened is i have answered them and then they’ve gotten lost in my blog as i’ve answered others and you may have missed it

3. tumblr couldve eaten them

if you let me know what asks you’ve sent, i can check if i’ve had them

[aprilmayverse]

i think february march, despite not knowing any of these people, felt so deeply guilty about everyone june killed and everyone june left to pick up the pieces

inherent tragedy of feeling like you failed your sister, but feeling like you failed her so badly that now all these other people are hurt. she thinks that maybe if she had supported june better, if she knew, if she asked her where she was going that night, if she just did a little bit better then no one wouldve died. no one wouldve felt the pain of losing a loved one that february knew far too well. she doesn't know them, she's never met them, the most she knows is how they died, their names, and maybe a picture of their faces on the news. her mind is a constant echo chamber of "you did this, if you were a better sister, if you raised her better, if you weren't so caught up in your grief, if you didnt keep secrets, then maybe your sister would be alive and maybe that girl wouldntve had to deal with the trauma of being used in a murder without her knowledge and maybe that mother wouldntve lost her children and maybe those people wouldntve lose their sister and maybe all of those kids would still be alive. not one of these people has ever met or even heard of february march but she will spend the rest of her life guilty and apologising and mourning people she did not know. she knows she couldve prevented this and she wishes so badly that she could turn back the clock, do anything, save somebody for once in her life

in february marches mind she has killed so many people she carries a thousand unsaid apologies and everything and everyone haunts her

she wants so badly to just. profusely apologise to everyone she's ever known and after her little sister who she couldve saved who she couldve helped who she couldve supported through her grief brutally ends four lives (two of them being high-school aged kids), after she and her girlfriend (dysnomia was always so kind and february wouldve really wanted to get to know her. she's so sorry. dysnomia will never hear her but she's so sorry.) get shot by the police (she shouldve known what june and dysnomia were doing out there) and then hearing about the child june's age who ended her life at thirteen years old (a child who did something tragic in a moment of grief over an older sibling, a child who shouldve gotten support, that sounds familiar, doesn't it?) as well as parents, teachers, friends, aunts, uncles, sisters, cousins, grandparents, whole communities that are now going to be filled with the same horrific, unbearable pain february constantly drags around. she wishes she could do something, anything. go back in time and save april. go back in time and pour more effort into giving june the support she needs. she just wants to save someone, anyone. the people she fails to save, the people she mourns aren't just people she loved, but also strangers she'll never know

[electionfraudking]

Plot twist We Are Teenagers

@electionfraudking

[eggthew]

talking about that one scene in the flash im pissed about

I don't want to explain the whole plot of the flash. and also I haven't finished it yet. but basically barry goes back in time and gets stuck there with his 18 year old self. yikes! a lot of things have changed and he has to work with his past self to fix it (I will be calling his past self PB from now on - for Past Barry). and also barry made sure to recreate the accident that gave him his powers with PB, so PB is newly super human. ALSO barry had lost his powers but in the scene im talking about has just regained them

almost every serious scene is quickly followed up with some sorta joke or gag, but I'm mad specifically at this one

the first part, where PB is altering the batman suit, and also when the two barrys are talking

like. PB is 18, freshman in college, has had an easy life and so far hasnt been taking being a super human seriously. understandable!! I dont blame him! He's been borrowing Barry's suit. and now that barry has his powers back and so needs his suit back, PB is designing himself a new one, and like. They really couldve made this into a more significant moment. The two barrys had not discussed this. This is PB stepping up and being proactive and taking it SERIOUSLY and all that, something he has not done yet.

Ugh I had many points in my head that were so clear but theyve all gotten muddy. about how they couldve done this scene better. whatever. this scene couldve been good but theyre so scared to take themselves seriously. keep in mind that PB just found out that the reason why barry travelled back in time was to try and save his (their) mum from dying and also that he just watch barry basically die

like idk. you can tell this was supposed to be more than PB wanting a new superhero suit and him saying "our colours" was meant to mean something but instead of showing that and how he wants barrys approval and Understands barry now, they gotta make it silly n goofy

[all-l-wanna-do]

hiii agaainnnn lets ignore the time i sent this <333 gycfdtyfugh

huyguh the secrets part is so fun

YES YES GET BEES

the task abt the gray glass would kill me like thats so mych dye and glass omgg

oh while shes doing the portal, i built this reallyyy pretty portal in one of my hardcore worlds but like its the one that im not rlly playing on rn bc im bad at building so im procrastinating (im trying to turn the village into this cute little city situation and huiuvtfygih)

BHGYU LLAMA HE GOT CAUGHT he rlly shouldve done that when oh idk maybe she wasnt RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE

I LOVE CHERRY BLOSSOMS SOO MUCH LIKE THE WAY THOSE PETAL THINGYS FALL UHYGUIHUIUGTFYIUH

AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO IF IT WERENT FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS sorry he said he couldve got away with it i had to

HBVGTY YES MORE MINING OBSIDIAN

omg i hate blaze sm they r mean and they hurt me :(

nono dont go to the nether yall dont have bows and ur in iron hgihu

ggyctfug "if youre feeling passionate abt that" I LOVE HER SM

THEY ARE IN THE NETHER AND I AM SCARED

llamaa jimmy showing up and going through Everyones chests

omg what did she do it????

TGE PIG

yayyyy prizes!!!

CREEPERS

OMG NOT ANOTHER ONE

"a chaos server" chaos goose coven minecraft server

OMG SOMEONE DIED

vghfyugih it Sounded kinda menacing when they said it was 3 against 2 so they should be fine llama

LLAMA THINKING THEY WANTED TO TAKE CLEO

etho kinda seems like trouble lol

"your besties an idiot" 😭

WHY IS EVERYONE TRYONG TO HURT EACH OUTHER WHAT

gbhvuyftgy gems lost so many hearts so fast omg

LLAMA HE JUST REALIZED SHE PUT GLASS IN HIS INVENTORY

MURDER IS BAD

LLAMA THE ENDING 😭

btw im sorry abt my spelling i wanted to do this but forgit abt how i cant rlly type good ewhn im tired/hyper rip

" a chaos goose coven minecraft server" that would be interesting to say the least

I LOVE READING THESE BTW ITS SO FUN

[faunsoda]

sbi ib au w wilbur as mary is a concept i cannot stop thinking abt, like i haven’t touched ib in years and i was more into smaller dynamics in sbi than sbi as a whole, but it makes me so insane. you’re a genius and i adore that au concept. techno as gary is also so much fun, i rlly liked the whole thing. also the art was SO nice, your style is very neat. if you have any more thoughts abt the au as a whole i’d love to hear them, but if not, just know i love the concept so much

WOOO i hear u, my favorite dynamics within sbi are crimeboys and bedrock bros (it really shows in this au) because i am a huge sucker for sibling dynamics. the remake for ib came out for switch recently so the childhood hyperfixation reawakened like a beast

i have so many thoughts in my brain let me drop these bad boys. infodump time.

my idea of a first meeting between techno and tommy! rather than having his rose stolen like garrys, its tommy stumbling in on techno getting cornered by one of the lady paintings. techno probably wouldve gotten out just fine eventually, maybe lost a few petals but tommy distracts the painting so he can escape unharmed! then theyre like 🤝 team up time

please ignore the shitty ooc dialogue everywhere ive just been getting ideas jotted down in my free time hehe. i imagine the dynamic between techno and wilbur in this au being pretty tense! techno is IMMEDIATELY suspicious/wary of wilbur & wilbur wants to leave with tommy, taking technos place. techno doesnt wanna be too protective of tommy because a) this is some kid he just met what does he care b) he doesnt really have any reason to be suspicious about wilbur because hes done literally nothing wrong so far hes just off so techno doesnt trust him

also philza as guertena means he doesnt show up like at all BUT i really liked the theory from a few years ago that part of marys dislike for garry stemmed from garry resembling guertena and her feeling like she’d been abandoned since i cant really imagine she can grasp the complete concept and weight of death. so i did have techno resemble philza a bit here (eg. emerald and stubble that i keep forgetting to draw-) which will probably be unmentioned in stuff i draw for this au because again philza wont show up much. so yeah ooh possible idea that wilbur might resent techno for that a little bit or just be like kind of annoyed by it. idk man im just sitting here.

i also did the three main endings! promise of reunion and together forever were kinda quick because i did not have time to properly draw and color them :,] but i found a neat brush and wanted to draw the forgotten portrait painting because ow. in my original drawings of this au tommy didnt have a green bandana but i decided to give him one as a stand in for the hankerchief ib carries! after all this ill probably do some redraws of moments from the game or try to reimagine the toy box since wilbur is notably not a child like mary is!

yeah hey that was probably like way more information about this au than anyone couldve wanted but B] if you have any thoughts about this au that differ from mine or if you just have thoughts in general id love to hear em! my brain is rotting. thanks for coming to my ted talk (and thank you for the ask, i am new to tumblr so this is my first ask yippee!!)

[miulore]

post the full ranttttt all the ikonics on twitter are acting like he was looking out for hanbin which i get from some of his replies but the one where he’s like he abandoned us and i hated him like was that necessary?? lost all respect for him especially like why are u saying all this when YOU don’t know what a condom is

pointless rant under the cut!

Like YES in terms of hurting ikons reputation in kr hanbin does come no1 but bobby is a close 2nd so idk why he's running his mouth because when it comes to ikons success hanbin is also no1 and bobby no2 so...

I had such a chill California dude image of him on my mind and it was shattered turns out he has such traditional Korean values.... "bad example for future gen" over some weed like ok mr out of wedlock pregnancy.... like ive been defending him since the news broke out clearly idgaf but why are u acting like a puritarian now?!?!?

and to say he felt HATRED and follow it with "STOP THE WAR" now whta did he expect?!?! "i love him” but the way he was talking about him doesn’t sound like that at all

"he abandoned us" lets put our thinking caps on.... if hanbin hadnt been kicked out then what?? ikn 2 yr hiatus?? feel like their relationship wouldve gotten worse than now.... would he have been able to promote w them in kr?? also im still like 60% he was kicked out/ forced to leave

I think they’re still bitter about the whole situation and honestly I get it I feel that there were/is so many things against ikon and that they couldn’t reach their full potential like the fact that yg literally did the bare minimum for them and then as soon as they were getting the spotlight the drug scandal hit. I get it. But like he didn’t have to bring it up again at least for old times sake like they spent so much time together. Is true that this is all going to bring negative light on hanbin yet again like the drug scandal discourse comes up every 6 months

and like yes they also went through a lot when it all went down and honestly i understand why he just broke down or w.e cause apparently ikonics were fighting on his comment section and sending hate to hanbin and apparently there were team b banners at their latest concert for some damn reason and it hurt chanwoos feelings but then he just kept going like dude YOU CANT WRITE STFU he couldve just idk commented "hey dont spread hate were two separate entities now but still care for each other" or some bs like that like hes been a public figure for a decade now.....

also ids are being RABID on twt rn like wtf did he expect like he's never been good w words to begin with

[grugspro]

Hopelessness, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt mention, depression, self hate, theres more but at this point why bother listing?

There is no potential afterlife that can be worse than continuing to live. Heaven would just be boring, hells torture would grow old, i would reincarnate as some insect and live a brief life anyways, if i repeat my life i could die easier as an infant. Past death my actions lose consequences, it does not matter what i do for it cant affect anyone else. Pain is not just the feeling but the reactions of those around you; the pity, the annoyance, the disbelief, the sorrow, the fear, it all compounds to make the pain unbearable. How can you stand it? Living in a world that runs on hate? On pain? On suffering? On misery? With consequence lost for those who need to face them the most? That needs you to be hopeless but still work yourself to death? How do you feel joy? Or hope? Or find reason to live when the only thing you cant lose is yourself? Because everything and everyone else slip between your fingers. And you are alone. You always go back to being alone. Death does not scare me. How long it takes to die terrifies me. Will the pain i feel from trying to kill myself be more than if i continue to live? The only reason im still alive is because im impatient. The pain was high and it was taking to long to get results. Before i couldve gotten any id probably be found. Then id have to live. And live in more pain. Less functioning body. More upset family. Consequences. Consequences and pain are one in the same. At least in my mind. What is pain without a reprieve? Without escape? Its normal. Or at least thats what it becomes. My mind body and spirit yell endlessly for the release of death. And thats my normal. Ive been destroyed so many times over its normal. I expect it. I expect to be abandoned. I expect to be forgotten and ignored. I expect my fathers anger and my grandmothers disappointment. Its normal. Almost normal. There is still ocassional reprieve. Brief. But enough to poke at the primal ember of hope that are dormant in me. And always to be snuffed out again by normalcy. This is life. How its been designed since long before i started. Just barely enough hope to keep you moving but not enough to escape pain. To see empathy. For normal to be positive. To have reason to live.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

OHMKYGOSH YES i j read ur sashisu ramble… and i love love love hearing ab other people’s hyperfixations so don’t worry :33

mainly the fact that none of them could be open or vulnerable with each other …. to be honest i havent looked at sashisu very closely before but this hit me bc. I FEEL LIKE I RELATE SM :; like. i have a best friend who i’ve known since i was a baby but we’ve never ever had a serious conversation once… maybe this is unrelated but that is so tragic because to me friendships really struggle to be strong and stable against one another if you can’t ever show the side of you that’s struggling … being vulnerable w one another is key to bonding :’3

i have some thoughts about them— mainly shoko…. to me it kinda seems like she kept them at an arms length away this entire time on purpose and she still does…. maybe i’m spitballing idk i’m just basing it off the fact that satoru and suguru called her shoko but she still referred to them by surname even ‘til where we currently r in the manga (which. i will also ignore but i cant lie the memes were so funny…) but my thinking is that she did so because. even though we never really saw her much i think that’s it since she was a reversed ct user n probably didn’t have much experience fighting… maybe. hear me out just MAYBE she knew what might become of satoru and suguru since they were so enveloped in fighting and being the strongest, and both of them were so headstrong and arrogant for lack of a better term that she might’ve just… tried to keep herself from getting attached n being hurt even more than she already might’ve been simultaneously 😞😞

that still just makes me so so sad though….. they always looked so happy when they were together… maybe if they could’ve gotten suguru to talk and really listened to him for once…. alas ;; gege is an evil thing

U GET IT RIKO…

i feel exactly the same, i have two childhood friends who im very close to but none of us have ever been the type to really be vulnerable like that w each other and !! i absolutely think that strong connections need that, u need to be able to show even ur weaker side… n i guess the tragedy of suguru’s character is that he never felt comfortable showing his ”weak self” to shoko and satoru. T_T he will always make me cry like no other ….

BUT YES SHOKO !!! ur so valid riko. i love this woman so much n i think shes so interesting to talk abt !! ive been thinking abt the name thing too, i feel like its very telling of the sashisu dynamic; the fact that satoru and suguru ONLY (and i mean only) ever referred to each other w their given names, even after suguru’s defection… and how shoko refers to them as ”gojo” and ”geto” even though gojo still calls her shoko…,

i think its super interesting !! i rly rly wish i was able to read the og japanese manga, bc i feel like so many little language details like that get lost in translation (esp since the official jjk translation is kinda bad lol)… i wish we knew if shoko called them by their given names in high school, i want to think so but we just dont know </3

(i could be wrong but there was a translation on a recent chapter i read where shoko switched between ”satoru” and ”gojo”…… obv i dunno how accurate it is but i think itd be cool if we saw her start calling him satoru :’3 im delusional i still think my baby’s coming back)

but !! regardless i def think ur onto smth. i 100% see her as the type to get very detached to the ppl around her. thats why she seems so unbothered !! even tho she obv cares very much…. i think she loved both of them but she wasnt able to broach that gap between them, and after suguru’s defection i absolutely think she repressed herself even more…..

but its obvious that she still cares for them. like how she started smoking again after gojo got sealed / she found out abt kenjaku using geto’s body :((….

and yes i rly do think sugu couldve been saved if they had managed to open up like that <///3 thats what fanfic is for ig :’3… sob…..

[dani-the-toad]

the dehumanization of everyone but her will kill me dead forever. the fact that he promises to protect soshun until he learns he wants junko dead, and then only refering to him as a thing because maybe then itll be easier for him is so??? he doesnt want these people to hurt, he doesnt want them to suffer. he also knew the steering committee didnt really want soshun around anyway, so really it isnt a big loss. soshun is just a thing, someone who existed once upon a time but is now just an object, an obstacle and a threat to two different groups. hopes peak obviously, because theyre trying to cover so much shit up, and matsuda, whos trying to protect the girl who killed everyone soshun knew.

like its more despairing to be the last one left alive only to die by someone who just promised to protect you imo, and miss analyst despair junko probably knew this like. blinks.

yuto’s death is also justifiable in his head like you said, and again its something thats fast and painless. while choking someone out Does hurt them, he cant hear them struggle beyond their attempts to gasp for air. snapping someones neck is quick and arguably painless, yuto didnt even see it coming. yuto knew too much and was leading ryoko down the “wrong path” and was also a fucking creep to her and matsuda was sick of it lol. its easy for him to justify this, especially because its later on after hes already fallen so far. he has done so many things that are just awful and he knows it, he hates it. so why would this make him feel any worse? this guy was dangerous to him and junko, so he couldnt stick around.

genuinely i dont think matsuda couldve gone through with killing ryoko for like. a hundred reasons. he loves her too much, he wanted to be careful and as fast as possible but he also didnt want to kill her. he didnt want to hurt her. hes acting out of some fucked up impulse and even then it doesnt work. also if he did end up killing her it would as you said in the tags set him off the deep end. like genuinely he cannot live without her, and while this wouldve technically stopped the tragedy from happening as it did he wouldve been lost to despair and things wouldve only gotten worse between him, mukuro, and izuru. they had no leader, but they all hate hopes peak so much. that or genuinely he wouldve just killed himself tbh, because he lost the last thing he cared about.

idk rereading zero is killing me a bit because hes such an angry person who doesnt want to be, he hates everyone so much except his heart is full of love and its just trapped there until he can save the love of his life and burn down the school that keeps using him

what makes me so crazy is matsuda doesnt really want to hurt anyone, he wants to do good for the world but is stuck in this endless cycle of trying to keep the girl he loves safe. did he have to kill those people? yes. because it would keep her safe. did he have to hide those bodies? also yes. because it kept her safe. did he have to drug her? yes. because shes trying to end the world and hurt herself along with it. while technically he didnt have to do any of this it wouldve killed him to let her get hurt or die, thats why he tries to kill her because maybe then she’ll stop being such a risk to herself. fully believe he either wouldnt have gone through with it or if he did kill her he wouldve gone down with her. he cant live without her, and after everything she does remember him. scrubs face Hi

He loves her so much it slaughters me.

Like, the contrast between his previous two murders and how he tries to kill her. With Soshun he's trying to dissociate, he dehumanizes him and refers to him as a "thing", and he has to squeeze his eyes shut because he just can’t handle it. It's horrific. With Yuto, its quick but violent, head completely snapped at 180 degrees. He feels guilt, but he’s at the point where he doesn’t really care, because its no longer the worse thing he's done. His death isn’t lingered on. Its detached.

But with Ryoko, he is described as being gentle multiple times, he's looking into her eyes. He tries to be comforting by telling her she doesn’t have to remember anymore. Its romantic. Soshun is a threat to junko's safety, so he is viewed as a monster. Yuto is an obstacle in the way of protecting Junko, so he is viewed as an object. Ryoko is Junko, so this is viewed as an act of love.

I noticed that he will often talk about how necessary killing them was for junko's sake, but he’s only saying that to himself to make the guilt go down easier; as mastuda knew soshun couldn’t hear him and yuto was dead (and he didn’t acknowledge ryoko's presence until after) when he said he needed to kill them for her. But he outright says that killing Junko is for his sake, and its another parallel i find so interesting.

[strawberryezpls]

Oh god has my life been a Rollercoaster

I really didnt mean for any of this to happen tbh

Oh its November 5th its 2am. Im here to rant and update on what my lige has been since july 31st. (I can't believe its been that long). Also im doing this on a phone instead of my school laptop so bare with me.

Lets do by month

AUGUST

"august slipped away into a moment of time, cuz it was never mine"

August was starting off great. I dont have covid, im moving and my work besties moved away. But dont worry(one comes back later). Anyways i only remember like 3 specfic days in august tbh(oops) but the first is tge day of the seventeen concert. It was magical i had the time of my life 10/10 would go again. However i cane home at like 11:50, which is a big yikes but didnt get caught. Then theres the day where this guy at my work asked me to cover his shift and then we started talking like all the time. And ppl were suspecting something was going on with us. And there was not in august tho. So it was a cute 2 weeks of flirting acting like we were gonna date. But we didnt :(

September

"You know its not the same as it was"

September, this is the month where we moved to our new place. I share a room only with my sister exciting right? Im pretty sure prince and i had our first kiss in sept or it couldve been august idk. But after the first kiss he told me that were gonna stay friends but i wanted more and that was the first of many times where ill be sad or crying over him(lame ik) but then one day he was like can we hnag after work and i was like ok sure, so i thought he wanted to talk for some odd reason. But we started kissing(and when i tell u my face was like huhhhhhhhhh so this is what its like) and then i lost my v card less than a week later. And hung out with friends a day later :) then we started doing it again afterwe said we wouldnt(well him more than me)

October

"Theres things i want to say to you, but ill just let you live"

I start finding dignity in myself and trying to get over him. I went to a haunted house tho which was fun. Also didn't get caught either. I went to the movies by myself too. I also started to lose a lot of interest in peanut butter. I also missed my period which is crazy bc I still haven't gotten it(we're in November). OOh, and I went to dave busters for the first time which was fun. I also met a new guy his nickname will be bill

Okay now we're in November and I saw him on the first day of November and I'm about to see him again tomorrow.

22.3.23

Things went left SO FAST. 0/10 WOULDNT RECCOMMEND ON GEORGE EASHINGTN GRAVE

[gr33nbull]

This may be a long post, so I’m putting a disclaimer here: the drivers I mention in this, I don’t hate them, I actually like all of them a lot. Especially Seb. One look on my blog will tell you that.

With that being said, I’ve got a lot to say over what’s happened the last couple of days.

It is no doubt that Abu Dhabi is gonna be the hot topic of conversation for this season. And as proven by these car launches, the media, fans, pundits etc want to know drivers takes on that final race. As I let it sink in what’s happened. To say I’m disappointed hits the nail on the head. I’m particularly disappointed in Seb. There I said it.

As I let what Seb said sink in, I’m honestly just disappointed in him. I thought he was more clued up than that. He proved me wrong, for all the wrong reasons.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m disappointed in Lando and Daniel too. But now I can see why there is a difference between these two and Seb. It’s expected with Daniel and Lando. How many times have they both been called out for saying something stupid? Quite a bit, particularly Lando. So them mirroring what Seb said is disappointing people, but it’s not surprising. Given they’ve both had bad takes on multiple topics. Is that an excuse to gloss over what they said? Absolutely not. But it’s not surprising.

But Sebastian Vettel? The man who has been heavily critical of the FIA for multiple years. The man who lost Canada 2019 to poor decisions that were made. The man who speaks up on how F1 needs to change, to fight racism, to be more inclusive. This man, with his whole chest, defended Masi, who made a terrible decision to say the very least. Said he did a good job overall. To say i was shocked and like many others, is a understatement. This was so out of character for Seb to say something like that. It was Dense, Ignorant and just down right stupid on his part. Because overall, Masi was inconsistent, had poor communication and was a complete shambles for multiple races last year. I will spare you the breakdown of what he did for another post.

Nobody is perfect. Including Sebastian. We have arguably all put him on this pedestal as the perfect man, he’s not. We’ve all said stupid things. So has he. But putting him on this perfect pedestal is probably what has upset people so much. It’s just not like him to be so ignorant. And what’s worse is that I feel I know why this might’ve been said and mirrored. Which makes me even more annoyed with him.

None of these three would’ve wanted to make people behind the scenes angry. They could face major backlash by criticising Masi like the way Lance did. Now Lance I was super happy with and he gained a lot of my respect. Say his dad owns the company, he’s a pay driver blah blah blah. I don’t care. But it proves that Seb, Lando and Daniel were too chicken shit to Be critical of Masi because they’re scared of losing their seats,jobs, get into trouble. Which is all the more upsetting. They’re putting their fear and moral compass on the line for the sake of not getting into trouble, all the more while it’s indirectly shitting on not only Lewis. But the credibility of this so called “sport.”

And this is what has gotten people so riled up about Seb! When has this man ever EVER been too scared to speak his mind? Never! So if this really is what he thinks. I honestly don’t know what to say other than it’s a very ignorant take and he should know to do better. It’s also put doubts in everybody’s heads about all the other stuff he’s actually done. But if he was too scared to speak up because of the launch and everything else going on. He couldve just done the smart thing and kept his trap shut. Seb Isn’t as stupid as the others. He usually takes a moral high ground which is what I’ve always respected with him. I’m also disappointed because this isn’t what Seb is normally like. I can guarantee you if this was Seb, Lando or Daniel in Lewis’ position, they would’ve had a very different take on Masi and Abu Dhabi. A very bad take.

So yeah. I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed in everyone at the moment. This me by no means “cancelling” anyone, cause that is stupid and you’re lame if you’re one of those people. Especially if it’s just words like this. But I’m just disappointed. I don’t get how any of them can defend Masi when his decision making was so inconsistent and borderline dangerous at times last year. Someone who can’t deal with the pressures of such an important role in the sport. Shouldn’t be in it. Period.

I want to reiterate. I still like these guys, that will never waiver. Unless they really did something offensive and stupid yeah. But what these drivers have been saying the last couple of days is just not it.

But then again, they’re the drivers, and I’m just a spectator. So what do I know? Right?