#it could use a nice cleaning | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vaguely-concerned · 2 months ago

Text

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

#tl;dr the demon is a metaphor about dissociation and trauma and it's doing its job thematically fucking pitch perfectly that way the end #dragon age #dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: the veilguard spoilers #dragon age spoilers #lucanis dellamorte #dragon age meta #this mission is like ds9 the wire in terms of episodes you really can examine from a thousand different angles #and find something new and soulcrushingly sad every time. exactly my kind of episode in other words #whenever people say there's nothing to him but coffee and spite jokes some small part of me goes 'oh I'm so incredibly sorry!#it must be really hard and so impractical to go through life without being able to read :'( get better soon'#is that very nice of me. perhaps not. is the writing here *perfect*? of course not. but some people are also dedicated to being #wilfully blind (presumably b/c they would have preferred to see something else?? idk man)#lucanis' reaction to taash going 'I'm sorry I'm such a bad crow :'('... he could NEVER do what caterina did with him no matter what #you just can't use him like that. he needs the clean family/enemy/contract distinction or you just break him!!!#caterina literally what are you thinking. every day I ask myself this. (probably 'the only other option that keeps the seat in the family #is illario. so that's right out of course' lmao)#god forbid it happen anytime soon if it should happen b/c there's Stuff that needs working through first lol but he'd be such a soft dad

636 notes · View notes

tyulezhik · 2 months ago

Text

I looked through my old drawings again and found the first D. I think I posted it a long time ago but deleted it so I'll show it again

#vampire hunter d #vhd #I look at this and think how my style has changed #I used to draw digitally and make “cleaner” sketches #Now I feel more confident drawing in my sketchbook #I understand that both have their positive aspects #I just think what really makes me happy and free is drawing #I used to be fixated on making the painting clean because every wrong stroke could be noticed #(it's not true💀)#Now I just like sketching #I know some sketches are too dirty but I still post them #if too dirty then on my other profile haha #I really wish I had a scanner to show you nice pics sorry #I'm just thinking about something. about myself and my art...

115 notes · View notes

spotaus · 2 months ago

Text

Eyy, King Reaper and his beloved Mage Geno designs <3

#new age au #Geno is very tall (tall Geno supremacy <3) and Reaper usually floats so he's just slightly taller than Geno on any normal day <3 #if he unties his robe in the back it drags along the floor at the perfect height to feign being very tall-#ohh I have so many thoughts about them :]#Geno's magic manifests as crystals so he wears some on his outfit (and keeps more in his pockets)#the black and purple ones on his belt are meant to be a little reference to Reaper (and Dust. before meeting him he only has a black one-)#Geno also uses a Cane! he's insanely skilled and powerful but on sone days magic fatigue finally catches up to him and he has to use it #the black half-robe was also the only accessory Reaper could convince Geno to adopt from his kingdom- that and the Sandals haha-#(I like to think Error made Geno's scarf-)#and ofc Reaper...#he's been ruling for so long that he lives in comfort rather than appearance because. i mean. no one is going to doubt him at this point #he leaves his ribcage exposed as a show of his confidence in his rule (direct access to his soul basically-) but also because. well.#he thinks he's eye-candy 🙏#and in his kingdom the crown/sign of royalty are those olive branch circlets #he wears his over his hood usually. Geno recieved one when Reaper officially finished courting him. Dust would eventually get one. though #for him it's more the equivalent of a wedding ring since his loyalty lies with Nightmare still and he has little official ruling power in #Reaper's kingdom.#oh! Reaper also wears a littlr band Geno made him once on his ribs. it's a nice red gem that he's vaguely aware is actually a tracking spel #Geno thought he was being subtle about it. he. in fact. was not. but Reaper let him get away with it 🙏#oh!!! last thing #Geno sometimes wears a nice silk wrap over his bad eye that's a nice clean white. it usually depends if he's doing magic or not #because his eye tends to get melty again if he strains during casting. and he's always overdoing it lmao-#anyways yeah #mm lied one more note #Reaper's wings are optional. kinda like a manifestation of his Ecto in a way since he doesn't need them to float #more just sonething to make him more regal or appear more threatening!#now I'm done #my favorite goofballs <3 #spot!drawn #my art

75 notes · View notes

atomicpunch-natsume · 3 months ago

Note

Draw a close up of Natoris lil lizard 🦎🦎🦎

I’m not so secretly obsessed with the lizard….

#natsume yuujinchou #natori shuuichi #not a punch #fan punch #animation #anon #could have probably cleaned up the linework a little more... oh well aahah!#been telling myself for YEARS now… ‘reanimate the lizard…. make a nice one…’#so here we go!#this one’s for the both of us lol!#its a scuttler... it scuttles...#if anyone knows how to export a decent quality gif outta procreate let me know i'm dying out here lol!#ask and be answered

125 notes · View notes

icewindandboringhorror · 23 days ago

Text

Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems

#sketchbook #scrapbook #Actually I feel like these are kind of incomprehensible in photo form like.. In person holding the book its easy to look at #but as images on this scale I feel like there's so much tiny little text and small scribles and stuff you'd have to 'right click > open #image in new browser tab > zoom in' just to actually really see the thing. which for 7 images is excessive lol.. so. probably not the best #medium for sharing really but. I suppose I thought they might look cooler lined up next to each other. The whole part of using a #limited color palette is so that maybe they kind of seem to have more consistent color schemes or something throughout. but I dont #know if they look all that 'related' or not. I think these types of challenges I have always sucked at because I am a being of clutter and #excess. I can't just do like one little simple nice looking design and have that Crisp Neat calligraphy with evenhanded perfect lines #and perfect symmetical composition and etc. etc. Like some poeple post very aesthetically clean and cohesive looking sketch #pages or something but I simply cannot hold back the brain impulse to add more. more. more. Fill every single blank space with color #or a little drawing or a sticker or something. I take away 500 things and there are still a million there. Even when I thik I'm being #'simplistic' I'm still usually being 2x more complicated and cluttered than the standard or whatever lol. I guess thats clear from my #outfits/costumes though too. Like whatever that saying is from that person about something like 'before you leave the house take off one #more accessory. you dont need it' for me is like.. 'before you leave the house. add 10 more accessories. and 6 more layers. and another'#AAANyway. I wonder if also maybe some people would try to plan theirs in a way to look good or something or like.. plot things on the page #before placing them. I did sometimes have a theme for a day kind of (like day 10 I ended up finding a few gold and green things and then #was like.. hey... what if I looked for a few other things and only used these colors today') but aside from that I was just slapping down #stickers randomly and working around them to fill the page. Maybe a lot of neat minimalistic asthetic design is about planning and #having a Vision set ahead of time. instead of just complete random whatever. doodling whilst watching youtube videos or eating lunch. It's #a miracle actually I've managed to not spill any food on the book the whole time. anyway.. I do wish the highlighter really showed up. the #scanner kind of makes the colors look VERY different to irl. But also it got much clearer images than just camera pictures of pages. alas..#..Still oddly enjoy the phrase 'Salisbury Steak gently kissed with industrial pollutants'#probably my favorite section of 'gluing random papers and things onto the page' lol #Also I wonder if it's super obvious that I literally never ever use references when I draw (save for the few freakish looking youtube #face sketches) since everyone is always in the same positions and looking very similar ghhb. This could have been a good opportunity to #work on not solely drawing from my mind and try to do more Dynamic Experimental scribbles. NO. Same exact eye for the 90th time #be upon ye. But I guess it was meant to be casual 'daily doodles'. True 'practice' would make it seem too effortful like a full project. hm #(lol the one decimated pencil in the set... never hand me a writing utensil. i will passively destroy it somehow. shaving the sides of a #pencil off with a knife or snapping a pen in half as a nervous fidget without even realizing i've done it. sorry to the drawing implements)

75 notes · View notes

roughroadhaley · 1 month ago

Text

i don’t think it is humanly possible for the Robby-Johnny relationship to be as good as the writers want me to believe it currently is going, but i also don’t think it’s going half as bad as people on here or on reddit say it is, so it is incredibly challenging for me to find posts I agree with about them anywhere

#robby keene #johnny lawrence #cobra kai #like sorry it just wasn’t hard for me to buy that johnny was being more supportive of Robby than Miguel at the tournament #we saw him more upset when he lost Robby than Miguel in the scene where johnny loses the locker room #we hear him yelling it’s okay robby multiple times when Robby flops #in the first fight and the platform fight #them hugging when Robby beats kwon #him defending Robby to Miguel on the plane him going specifically after Robby in the brawl #them living together a lot of the time now #them having a good summer together #johnny clearly still putting in the work despite being given a clean slate w a new baby #like i find it very believable that he gave Robby a pep talk or two lol #it would be nice to see it and i wish we did but it’s just not a stretch to me #it makes perfect sense that Robby doesn’t improve til someone on the actual team backs him as a leader #the break for me is i don’t believe that Robby isn’t still mad or slightly mean to his dad anymore #like he needs to be shitty to johnny onscreen one more time and johnny needs to take it #and then I could buy that they are getting to the point the show wants us to think they’re getting to #I also don’t think they’ll ever have a perfect relationship #and I do completely get why people don’t have good faith built up in their relationship or in Johnny #but it gets to a point sometimes where it feels like people twist the show to make Robby’s life harder or sadder than it already is #his life has already been hard he already has enough depth and making him the perfect victim in the whole show makes him boring btw #I’d also love to read a single post about Robby-Miguel or Robby-Carmen that isn’t blatantly racist #but those posts haven’t been invented yet #it’s awesome to imagine reading one one day though

23 notes · View notes

iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight · 1 year ago

Note

for drawing suggestions, can you draw L with a pigeon or near doing a peace sign w/ Matt playing video games beside him?

i have no idea what a pigeon looks like

#death note #l lawliet #trad art #i have created a System to getting better lines bc i have to use a stupid pencil atm til i get my groove back w trad art #so what i do is draw w pencil and erase n shit til i get a nice picture then i go ham w a dark sharpie then i cut it out glue it to a nice #clean new piece of paper then i open ms word get rid of the ribbon so i have a nice white page then i use it as a lightbox since my darling #beautiful tablet is down for the count i must resort to new ways to make a light box but i am being extra extra careful i prommy i love #my laptop too much to let any markers get on her screen that's why i glued the papers to each other so there would be no unfortunate #sliding so my system is safe for my lovely darling beautiful wonderful light of my life vendetta (<-laptop's name)#that explanation of my system means nothing to any of u but i'm proud of myself for using my brain for once so i'm putting it out there tha #i am not completely useless in situations where no reasonable device could be used as a lightbox

83 notes · View notes

deus-ex-mona · 19 days ago

Text

oh mona ft. lxl shikishi how i miss you so…

#i don’t think i’ve ever mentioned it (till now) but… this is the last surviving image i have of this shikishi #idk if it vanished during the move™️ or if my mother threw it out by accident while i was quarantining in my ‘c-19 for daizo’ era #or if it just sprouted wings and flew off to become top idols one day… but it’s gone :(#im forever glad that my past self decided to use it as the profile image for the tl account bc otherwise it’d be *gone* gone #thank you past me for the courtesy… i still think ur a dumbass for not keeping the shikishi safe in the first place in a memorable location #but thank you for at least giving me a little trace to remember it by…#…anyways profile image on there is now asumona shikishi~~~~ got a cleaner pic of them while i was cleaning out the drawer so~~~~~#my miserable shikishi bonus count remains at 2… sighssss #missed out on vol 1 bc i bought from am.jp like a dumbass instead of checking for bonuses… vol 2’s vanished… and vol 3’s just didnt arrive #(which. incidentally. is also. like. a cautionary tale of why u should wait for bonus announcements before placing preorders…)#(<-was dumb enough to preorder vol 3 the moment it went up [note: before the bonus announcements] and was shocked to receive no bonuses)#(idk if it was just a one time thing but i’d rather not risk it y’know~~~~~~ proxy fees add up~~~~~~)#im just glad that i could buy vol 4 at ani.mate in-person (by chance)… though it did make my family think i had bought bl manga instead…#…anyway that’s enough 4-5 am babbling for one day…#throwing this ‘promise’ here: if i can get up by 1pm im finally gonna clean the rest of the idolsengen chapters… no more procrastinating…#perhaps. maybe. idk. no guarantee.#either way nghy canon u agree y/y #<-cant stop shillin’ nghy (sorry <3)#t h o u g h speaking of nghy i found. like. 6 nghy stickers in my drawer (the one from the 4th charasong album kuji)#so i trimmed the cheki-esque borders off one of ‘em and now it’s sitting nicely in one of the card slots of my phone case~~~#cute lil’ portable nghy that i can just flip up to look at whenever i want~~~~~~~

13 notes · View notes

twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 6 months ago

Note

i also cannot stop thinking subconciously on how each match in blue lock smells like cuz....... they are SWEATY

S TO THE W TO THE E TO THE A TO THE T TO THE Y .SWEATY.

the pookies that i trust to smell decent are my princess chigiri, the stylish guy (I FORGOT HIS NAME), and surprisingly my king barou 😱

😭😭😭 NO BC YOU’RE SO REAL FOR THIS ACTUALLY. most of them are sweaty little guys…… chigiri def smells good, I WOULD ALSO ARGUE. that reo smells good <33333 he smells like floral perfume <33333333 i had a discussion with mickey abt it and . reo bathes nagi :3 so he’s clean by association. BAROU BEING A CLEANFREAK IS SOOOO CUTE TO ME save me gap moe save me….

but yeah the rest of them are on thin ice <333 i fear most of them are also the type who’d try to give you a hug right after a match lmao. so you get all sweaty too. it’s kinda cute though…..

#kuon probably smells nice too <3 #just like . clean. yk.#kunigami seems like the kinda guy who takes hygiene seriously and i doooo think he smells good. but.#i could also see him getting sweaty and not realizing it and getting . embarrassed LMAO #sadly i do see him using axe spray :////#….. most of them probably do huh.#ask tag ✩

13 notes · View notes

crowrelli · 2 years ago

Text

IF YOURE SICK OF ALCOHOL MARKERS BLEEDING THROUGH UR SKETCHBOOK USE A GLUE STICK!!!!!!!! FOR MOST PENS IF YOU LET A LAYER DRY BEFORE YOU PUT DOWN UR MARKER ITLL DILUTE THE COLOR A BIT BUT NOT BLEED THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#AND ANOTHER LAYER ON TOP MAKES IT NICE AND SHINY #but be careful it may smear some pens and pencils so just test all ur stuff first!!!!!!!!!!!!!#because i just spent all day working and wishing i could use my new markers but they bled through my new sketchbook like 4 pages deep #rip like the last 5 pages of my sketchbook bc of all my testing #liquid glue also works but its messier not as shiny and hard to get an even clean coat to work on top of

105 notes · View notes

jrueships · 5 months ago

Text

Bought one of my lil nephew giannis shoes for his birthday bcs he loves giannis and these are some of the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. anyways it's his bday today so i gave them to him. but they are so ugly. he loves them

#i am not a sneakerhead #i wish i could be . finacially i can be. but mentally i cannot #i am not a car guy either. i could. but i cant mentally #bcs the only time id get smthing pretty is to look at it. and keep it safe #and then id want to km$ for not using smthing thats intended to be used bcs i hate wasted potential #once i got these rlly nice shoes #ive worn them once when i was trying them on #and i hate myself every day for doing that but also i just cant get them dirty #BUT I HATE THAT #some ppl can do that. they get a million things and only use it once and yea i COULD but psychologically i just CANT #im friends with a lot of sneakerheads and chain wearers and while i cant mentally make myself one #i can understand why they can #like ppl always wanna excuse not helping ppl by pointing at the stuff they already have #like oh u can buy urself a chain but cant buy ur momma and u a nicer place to live #like ok so credit scores are not existent then. especially when ppl use that phrase against ppl growing into crime like #yes they are making money now but is it good clean money? no. thats not gonna go into smthing long term n hefty like a house #chains are a rlly big thing bcs sometimes some jewelers just dont ask questions. hence bmf's jeweler getting roped into their crime schemes #any business can be like that btw. like michael jacksons doctor getting paid to kill him. the difficulty lvl just changes #and also. random ppl make fun of the stuff they can see or hear right in front of them #random ppl can and will make u feel bad abt any little thing they know or see the best bcs theyre assholes like that #u wear shoes all the time everywhere. thats more and more eyes noticing how old/dirty ur shoes are #or ur cars old n busted or ur phones a fucking android like it doesnt matter. the more ppl can see. the more theyll know #the more sensitive u get abt whats actually small to u at the start but big 2 them n then it gets big 2 u #anyways yea so like. i get it. i dont do it but i can see why others do #anyways yea these shoes are so ugly lol like i dont buy merch of my favs unless the style matches mine personally #he just liked them bcs they were giannis tbh n then i pointed out they were modeled after 1 of the jerseys #which made he rlly want them a while back so i surprised him today #but yea these things are ugly lol im glad he likes them but ew LMFAO

14 notes · View notes

icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

Text

It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.

Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.