#it can take me a while to become comfortable with ppl but on the outside i look like 😶

[niteview]

i did both of my work bestie's birth charts for fun & i share a cap rising with one of them..ik it's not that serious hrjfsj but that does explain our first day together 🤔

[chrliekclly]

if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out

i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)

i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it

iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly

evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.

having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:

baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game

middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.

high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]

college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now

joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.

as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.

i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.

so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.

[jesuistrestriste]

I love when ppl bring this up bc I feel this to MY CORE!! and it’s so serious for me as a fanfictiom and tumblr enthusiast!! i’m not judging anyone when i say this either! but I will never be completely okay or comfortable w the fact that there is so much like SO MUCH real and scary sexual violence towards women in the world(to the point where it’s a known and big a problem) and i’m expected to like being sexually degraded?? like ofc there’s nothing wrong w it if you feel ok w it and are fine but like why is it suddenly vanilla to not what to feel inferior to A MAN?

there have been unfortunate times where i’ve stumbled across a smut fic that looks good and i’ve ended up crying and blocking the user bc they didn’t properly put the content warnings and I feel genuinely disgusting and gross. it’s kinda embarrassing to admit bc i’m grown but like- sorry it scares me.

and it’s so normalized I feel like it’s wrong for me to not want to be treated like a sex slave or smth. idk i’m just ranting nobody needs to agree lol <333

anyway byeee i love ur content keep it up babes 💋

i totally understand what you’re saying and your feelings are also valid !!

tagging fics properly should always be a high priority for smut/fic writers. while yes, we can’t always predict what’s going to trigger someone, it never hurts to be careful and sensitive when writing about a scenario that involves violence or gore or trauma etc. etc. im sorry that happened to you, anon :(

+ i would never kink shame anyone for what they’re into, but i def have found myself becoming more and more disinterested in writing about femme!reader(s) being subjected to aggressive male dominance in my work bc it’s just not what im super into these days. and i’d be lying if i said the current political climate and state of our society/uprise in femicide right now wasn’t affecting that.

i do find it hot from time to time though, and i also find myself feeling that it’s an interesting trope/theme to write about. a lot of people also find it cathartic sometimes to engage in/produce this sort of content because it can allow you to fictionally take control of a type of situation (by controlling what happens in the fic) that you maybe didn’t have control of irl in the past. those who know, will know.

that being said, obviously people who enjoy and/or write about male!dom!character x sub!reader fics are not inherently misogynistic or enjoy being treated with disrespect by men (or others) outside of the bedroom. it’s all fantasy and fiction at the end of the day ! and we’re all just trying to have fun and indulge:)

anon i think ur totally valid in not wanting to be degraded/dominated in the bedroom. you’re 100% allowed to like what you like, and dislike what you dislike. everyone gets that right, and ur not weird for feeling that way ! im glad that ur staying true to urself— never let anyone make you feel odd for following what feels right to you !

[melancholiaenthroned]

im still not very far in orv so take this with a massive grain of salt but one thats so fascinating to me so far is its use of classic isekai tropes and worldbuilding while kind of. filling in the plot holes that tends to come from those tropes in the most horrifying way possible. kdj was not transported into a fictional world, that world was overlaid on to the real one, where "characters" appear to only exist once the story has begun, and real people are just... cannon fodder, basically. but now that hes changed things and real ppl r living past where they did in the story, the question of the line between "real person" and "character" comes up. bc to the outsider (anyone other than kdj) this line is indistinguishable. everyone is real. but kdj has mechanics built in that give him an active advantage over characters, so he knows. and youd think hed be annoyed he cant automatically know as much about the "real people" he surrounds himself with as he can everyone else but... he seems to cling to it, to this proof that not everyone is a prewritten archetype. he takes comfort in the ambiguity that real people present. and kdj sees this line, or at least, sees what side people fall on it, and makes assumptions about people based it. but then you learn that sides can change, and not in the way you expect. these characters are not becoming "more real" as the story goes on (something you can sometimes find in other isekai stories or generally stories that grapple with fictional characters vs the real world (barbie movie is a good example)) and they develop. real people are becoming characters. and theyre gaining new memories of things that didnt happen (in the real world. but theres so few "real people" left who remember that. so does it even count as the "real world" if its no longer the world the majority live in?) but serve as immersion in the story (the prophet recognizing min jiwon as a real actress, not a as character, and kdj subsequently realizing he is categorized as a character is specifically what im referring to). this was a person who existed and lived in the real world. and they still feel. they still live. they still exist. but what does it mean now, that theyve been marked as a "fictional"?

[enden-k]

btw now that i can get to it (was busy and had someone over) i can babble a little abt zzz and give my thoughts so far on it if anyone is still wondering whether they should try it or not

first thing i have to say is, to me it feels like a cozy casual kinda game. and i love it. i think thats the part i saw some ppl complain abt

it reminds me a lot of P5 w the overall vibes etc (i played on first release years ago but not the additional stuff afterwards so idk if there were changes to the plot or anything with whatever royal is about) and it was a comfort game for me back then so yea. this might add a lot to why zzz feels like such a comfort game to me

the siblings are not active, playable characters in combat since theyre the proxy guiding and supporting the playable characters (agents) in the hollows (compare it to domains). outside of the hollows you run around with ur chosen sibling and whoever you picked, the other doesnt disappear or becomes irrelevant. they are a unit, run their video store together, theyre one proxy, supporting each other. i already love how trailblazer is more vocal than traveler but the siblings are active, talking parts in cutscenes and whenever theres dialogue choices, your chosen sibling ACTUALLY SAYS IT. this is smth i wished for a while in gnshn so seeing it in zzz made me super happy. it gives them sm life and gets me into it idk how to say it

(this is them btw. pretty mfs)

anw its not overwhelming like gnshn feels to me. gnshn has sm to explore and sm story and its smth i both enjoy and feel exhausted by. now, if you played persona or are familiar, its easier for me to use for comparison. you get to run around as the chosen sibling in the city but the fighting (w the agents you pull from the gacha) all happens in the hollows (similar to when you enter the metaverse). it runs with a day-night cycle and depending on the time, npcs and quests pop up. you can pass the time if you need a specific time of day for an objective, by doing hollow exploration or simply resting in ur room. theres side stuff you do, like running your store and visiting the arcade and play snake akjscbk

the combat itself reminds me of HI3 and wuwa and feels super smooth and fun to me

it has cutscenes etc but the story parts in between are illustrated and presented in a comic/storyboard kinda way? which fits the whole video/movie aesthetics well. its pretty cool

overall, if you didnt try it out yet bc you think it requires lots of energy and time like gnshn, its nothing like that at all. ofc im not through with everything but so far it feels like a very nice game to play casually, w a big cozy bonus when youre spending the day freely in game. i play only on pc or on console when i wanna lay down but this game even i would play on phone or ipad to chill akjscbk

the characters are also pretty fun and cool looking! like, look at them, so far we got

the most chaotic ragtag group in all of new eridu (they share one braincell and its anby who is in charge of it)

fresh looking heavy industry workers (they have a bear)

classic horror housekeeping service who will poison ur tea ig

motorcycle gang (oggling the glasses guy and boss lady super hard, they will be mine when playable-)

public security (they have an actual catboy in case weve got catboy enjoyers here)

special hollow operation elite squad aka the coolest strongest mfs out there taking care of hollow disasters

ALSO THE NPCS!!! LIKE!!! look at the cook!!! tinmaster running the coffee shop!!! the girl selling gadgets or the bunny person running the arcade!!!

even the regular npcs just roaming the streets. theres lots of cool details and life in every bit, its really cool

anw!! idk if this helped or made sense, this is also just my own impressions and feelings so far so yeee. if someone decides to play, i hope you will have fun and get whoever you really really want!!

[stuffyflowers]

idk if this is a fic someone's written already but

ceroba time travel au..... thoughts ? whether it's to the start of the game's timeline or all the way to before chujin and kanako's deaths.

if it's the latter, she is not going to let her husband experiment on himself (though he might just do it anyway)... and when clover falls, she will at least be there to reason with chujin (not an easy task)

Ooooh…… I feel like most ppl who follow me know im not the biggest fan of “all the ketsukanes live/get un-amalgamated” au stuff but this is a really interesting way to go about it. The before the loss of her family route is the most intriguing option that I wanna rant abt, im thinking during game but before pacifist ending -> after integrity but before experiments as the timeline here

On the surface, it does feel like the solution to all her problems, her family is back! But like. I feel she’d get very self destructive with it. She’d go abt it in a real siffrin isat way: initially seeing it as a miracle before it slowly destroys her in an entirely new way, and not telling anyone abt it bc it’s her mess to clean up.

Like ok. Knowing that your husband kept an entire second life hidden from you, exaggerated his abilities to encourage you to finish the job, put his experiments before his own family… she should berate him, she should be angry! But,,, I don’t think she would, at least outwardly. She knows how miserable it was to lose him so she’d rather not address the cracks in the foundation of their relationship and risk losing him again. She has to pretend she discovers his secrets “on accident” or some shit to be as non confrontational as possible. Either way, their relationship is falling apart. How can she know he’s not gonna do it all again anyway while she’s not looking? Her trust and devotion can only be spread so thin…

With Kanako, I think she’d start having a lot of doubt her parenting abilities given what she allowed to happen. She ends up becoming more and more distant, which is awful for kanako if we’re assuming this takes place after integrity when she needs more comfort than ever before. Can she even look her in the eye knowing what she did to her before? Just for some stupid experiment????? And god. Do you think when she goes to tuck her in every night, the routine “love you lots” exchange just. Reminds her even further.

And man. Clover. She’d definitely be more hesitant to go along with any plan to kill them. That decision was heavily influenced by her whole sunk cost situation: if she doesn’t do it, chujin and kanakos sacrifices were for nothing. Outside of that, her views are a little different to chujins. We know she still values the idea of monsterkinds freedom greatly (“tomorrow means the surface… when do you think tomorrow will come? because it’s been today my whole life” or whatever that line was) but she sees humans a little more similarly to martlet, actually, with chujin planting that seed of doubt in both of them that they only act upon in certain circumstances (the “Chujin was right” line in her vengeance fight. She def has doubts in the whole humans are ruthless narrative outside of this route). If she met clover before the time travel she’d feel even more conflicted given they are. Just a little guy.

I could honestly see her going either way with the clover situation, depending on a whole lot of other factors and how they’d play out. Does she end up helping in chujins plan anyway, just convincing herself she just needs to do it “right” this time by not involving kanako? Does she realise that this was never right, that an innocent kid shouldn’t have to die just for an experiment with no guarantee to succeed? Does she do a secret third thing that rips her apart in an entirely different way? Godddddd the possibilities

[gunilslaugh]

Honestly the highlight of my day is seeing your new posts your such a good writer keep it uppp omll-

But can I request bf XH catching the reader crying but they push XH away cuz they are insecure about there “ugly cry” , I have an ugly cry myself it’s so discouraging cuz I feel like most ppl don’t look as ugly as I do when they cry~ (can the reader be crying cuz of similar reasons too? I’m in a very angst mood)

Take your time seriously you work rlly hard :)

Aww thank you so much! Don't worry I'm an ugly crier too.

All members π - π

Summary: Xdinary Heroes reaction to significant other not wanting them to see their ugly cry.

WC:~1.3k

Warning:grammar, talks about family members in hospitals.

photo not mine credits to owner.

Gunil

Today has just become a horrible day. You had just gotten off the phone. One of your family members was currently in the hospital. You felt like your heart dropped to your stomach. Tears began to flow from your eyes. You slowly dropped down onto the floor as your legs began to give out. Curling up into a ball you brought your knees to your chest and cried. Gunil arrived home and found you in your current state. You quickly tried to wipe away your tears. Not wanting Gunil to see your ugly crying face, but your tears wouldn’t stop.

“Y/n what’s wrong?” he asked, very concerned. He approached you putting his hands on your shoulders, but you tried to push him away looking down. “Why are you pushing me away?” Gunil was hurt by your actions. 

“I look really ugly right now,” you sniffled out, bringing up your hands to hide your face. Gunil sighs. He approaches you again, but this time he wraps you up in a hug, hiding your face into his chest.

“There I can’t see you. Now what’s wrong?” he asked. He wants to argue with you about how you couldn’t possibly look ugly to him, but you’re clearly upset, so he’ll save it for another time.

Jungsu

You couldn’t stop crying since you received the news. One of your grandparents had been moved into hospice care. They had been in the hospital for awhile now and your family saw it coming, but it was still hard. You were laying in your bed, buried under a blanket as you cried into your pillow. Jungsu came back home after practice and at first thought that maybe you were out since you were normally in the living room when he got back. After finding you in the bedroom and hearing your cries from under the covers his heart broke. 

“Y/n what’s the matter?” he questioned coming over to where you laid. You pulled the blanket over your head to prevent him from seeing what a mess you looked like. You were not a pretty crier and very insecure about it. “Y/n, don’t hide from me. I don’t care what you look like when you cry. I just want to comfort you.” he tried to pull the blanket from your head. You still don’t budge, so Jungsu climbs into bed behind you. He spoons you from behind, soothingly stroking your head from the outside of the blanket. After some time you came out from the blanket, only to hide your face in Jungsu’s chest, but it was progress and Jungsu was more than happy to take it.

Gaon/Jiseok

One of your family members was just rushed to the emergency room. They are gonna be ok, but they still need to stay in the hospital for a few more days. The whole situation had really shaken you up, it was really scary. Being overwhelmed with emotions you began to cry it all out. Sitting on the couch while clutching a pillow that was being dampened by your tears. Jiseok had come back home, finding you in your distraught state. He rushed over to your side asking you about what was wrong and are you alright. However you didn’t answer, you shoved him away with one arm and used the other to cover your tear stained, red face with the pillow. 

“How come you're pushing me away! I want to help you.” he said. 

“I look really ugly when I cry,” you explained. It came out mumbled since you still had your face pressed into the pillow. Jiseok actually laughed, finding what you said ridiculous. 

“Y/n it can’t be that bad.” He tried to pull the pillow from your face, but you resisted. “Even if it is, I won't love you any less because of it,” Jiseok says. That’s what you needed to hear as you dropped the pillow from your face. Jiseok pulls you in for a hug.

O.de/Seungmin

A family member of yours just received some bad news regarding their health and now they have to decide if they want to get treatment for it. This was very stressful for you too and the news of it has caused you to have a little bit of a breakdown. You were in the kitchen making lunch when you received the news. That’s why you're now, sitting on the hard tile floor, crying your eyes out. Seungmin arrived back home and saw the abandoned ingredients sitting on the counter. Then he heard your sobs. He walked around the counter discovering you.

“Y/n what happened?” he questions. He approached you and you brought your knees up to hide your face, even turned away from Seungmins direction. “Why are you avoiding me?” You could hear the hurt in his voice as he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. 

“I’m a very ugly crier. I don’t want you to see me like this,” you told him. 

“Y/n how you look when you cry doesn’t change anything. I just want to be here for you, but if you really don’t want me to see you then I’ll close my eyes.” You peeked your head out and sure enough Seungmin was there with his eyes closed. Even if he thinks you're being a bit ridiculous he doesn’t want to make you anymore upset.

Junhan/Hyeongjun

One of your grandparents was currently in the hospital and you were still waiting to get some results back, but things weren’t looking good and you feared for the worst. Everything about it was completely nerve wracking. You couldn’t help it as the tears cascaded down your face. You were under so much stress and it broke you. You sat on your bed with a tissue box just letting it all out. Hyeongjun was immediately put off by the sounds of your sniffling when you came back home. He rushed to the bedroom to find you. Upon seeing Hyeongjun enter you shied away. 

“Y/n, why are you so upset?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. He felt his heart twinge as you avoided looking at him. 

“I look really ugly right now Hyeongjun, don’t look at me,” you told him. 

“Come on y/n you know I don’t care about how you look. I love you no matter what.” You still don’t face him, but you don’t shy away from him either when he places his hands on your shoulders. He gently turns you to face him. You don’t meet his eyes. He wipes your tears with his thumbs then pulls you into a hug.

Jooyeon

News about someone being in the hospital was always sad. Of course it was even sadder and harder news when it was your own family member. Someone that you care very much about. You sat in the middle of the living room floor as you cried. The seemingly never ending tears streamed down your face. You have gone through, you don’t even know the amount of tissues. When Jooyeon returned home from practice, worry instantly consumed him as he saw your state. 

“Y/n what happened? What’s wrong?” he rapidly questioned. His concern only grew as you pushed him away, looking away from him. Did he do something? He panics.

“I’m a severely ugly crier Jooyeon. I don’t want you to see me like this,” you say. Jooyeon almost feels relieved. He thought he messed up. He can’t help the chuckle that escaped him. 

“Y/n you see my ugly side all the time and don’t judge me for it. I’m not gonna judge your ugly side either,” he consoles you. You still feel too insecure to face him. Jooyeon sighs, placing his hand on your face making you look at him. “I don’t see what ugliness you're talking about. I see a very sad y/n and I don’t like it.” 

[dialalagirl]

helllowww ive been a silent follower for a while and only now did i find out that u do matchups so …ill be coming out of my shell to req one if thats alright hehe🥺 + im SO SO SO sorry that its so long!! i yap so much rhajrbjdsj

ill start with my appearance: im 4’11 in height that is a bit on the thicker side but not too much. i do play a lot of volleyball (i do training for it! + im the libero) so i have pretty toned muscles esp on my legs. i think id describe my body as pear-shaped yeye and then as for facial features: everyhting is quite round for my facial features! round cheeks, round eyes, button nose, etc etc yeah however i have pretty chapped lips T-T when im doing nothing with my hands, rhey just automatically go up to pick at my lips which makes it worse haha so im vry guilty for that ;; for hair, i have short black hair (just under my shoulder kind of length) with a himecut style fringe? for my bangs sometimes i do wispy bangs and sometimes i do a side part with it swept to the sides of my face so its pretty flexible. just depends on how i want my hair to look on that day + i usually put the rest of my hair up using my claw clip ^-^ i just think it looks cool cuz since my hair is short, it looks spiky at the back when i put it up and creates an interesting shape :D

clothing? i usually wear baggy clothing! i prefer wearing something loose for my top and then something a little tighter on my waist/hip area to create form. though sometimes when i feel like it i can wear a tight top with loose bottom + something i noticed in my wardrobe is that my clothes are mostly earthy colors (brown, sage green, creme) and then white&black. i just dont like very flashy, eye-catching colors it seems lul. my hard no’s in clothing are …sleeveless (im a little insecure of my arms :c), baggy top/baggy bottoms and then vice versa with tight top/tight bottoms. i take my appearance very seriously and wld always want to look fashionable when outside :) other things related to appearance: i love gold jewelry. rings, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, heck even anklets; i love em all! always appreciate being gifted jewelry to add to my collection >o< i also have a few pairs of glasses but not for eyesight problems, they’re anti-rad that doubles as accessories LOL yes i wear glasses for the aesthetic shhh they look so nice. + i also love makeup <3 nothing too crazy like bold colors or super thick makeup but just enough to make u feel bonita yaknow :3c

and then finally starting another paragraph for my personality: im ngl idk how to describe my personality …id say that im a bit of a chameleon socially? altering certain mannerisms and quirks depending on the person im with. however with certain people (which is like only 2 ppl lol) im very close with, u could say that my true self shines a lot more :) i notice that when im comfortable with someone i become very air-headed? like… i feel like i trust them so much that i dont have to think that much which leads to me mixing up my words, forgetting things, etc HAHAH but with normal people, i try to appear more on the nonchalant side. i like to appear collected & gentle (?) and less extroverted & loud and i think that leads people into thinking im very mature (lots of people come to me for advice) ^^” and i guess i just have that grandma-ish aura to me? like very down to earth, chill, laidback, etc etc …cuz one of my friends told me that they feel like they can tell me anything and trust that i wont tell it to orher people and thats so nice yk! i rlly strive to be a trustworthy and good person as much as i can 🤍 but that doesn’t mean that i have no flaws: im very secretive. the way i present myself makes it feel like im an open book but look closely and youll notice that i tell little to nothing about my actual self. i find it hard to properly express my emotions in an appropriate way and that has led me into some tough spots specifically with my family. idk, i just have a hard time with expressing “emotions” tho i feel neutral/empty most of the time (hence why i take on a laidback persona w people cuz thats the closest to being neutral). its really only people im really really close to that i become that loud, goofy, air-headed, fun person <3

as for my morals/values: i value personal space a lot. i personally dont like it when people try to push me into answering personal questions, it kinda makes me feel icky yk? like i just feel disrespected when people do that to me. youll learn those things once i deem u trustworthy, patience. however, personal space as in physically? i do not mind at all! im a very touchy person with people im comfortable with (hugs, holding hands, etc i love physical touch) and i love it even more when they hug me back<3 so no problem there. i value education a lot so i take like a bit of time everyday tk study and do my work :0 and then friends come second! i value connection a lot w the people around me and fully believe that humans are social animals

miscellaneous information: im an INFP and an aquarius :3c + I LOVE SHU hes my fav diaboy ever out of all the families too idk im all crazy abt him he does things to me uhm HAHAAJBSJ anyways ….im a very creatives kind of person. despite being good in academics, i love art so, so much more. throughout my life, i studied music and learned various instruments (mastered guitar and piano and then learning violin right now!), i also have a passion for painting/drawing specifically humans. the human body is a masterpiece and so i studied anatomy a lot. i loveee studying art (both paintings and sculptures) from the renaissance and baroque era <3 im not sure what else to add but i think its important to talk abt romance since this is a matchup so uhhh yeha i have no love life haha no boyfriend, not even girlfriend (bisexual and got no huzz) so that ends this section LUL

so yeye i believe thats all! AGAIN IM SORRY THAT ITS SO LONG I JUST LOVE TALKING MY ASS OFF but i hope that everything is helpful for my matchup hehehehe >:))) belated happy new years! may 2025 treat u well 🤍

no worries!! glad to finally make your acquaintance hehe~ Hope the new year treats you well too! <3

professor mun here says that your humble diaboy chad shall be, in the most unexpected twist of events, reiji!

…

jk I wouldn’t do you dirty like that, setting pigeon man loose on you.

it’s shu because:

he will def appreciate your baggy and relaxed sense of fashion; really vibes with his whole laze-about aesthetic, ya know? the things you putting your hair in a claw clip does for this man, you don’t wanna know or maybe you do >3>

his hate boner for reiji mighhhhhhht transfer into a fetish for taking off your glasses ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

he will absolutely love to be the big spoon to your very little spoon in bed ;)

while he will initially be put off by your chameleon personality (finding it uncannily like reiji’s tendency to blend with the vampire noble class and prefer pretense), he will come to enjoy your true more air-headed self. it makes perfect teasing fuel, shall we say?

he is also a touchy touchy person and loves the fact that, with you, it does not come with the obligation of sacrificing his mental space until, like you, he is ready

VIOLIN??? just marry this man already. plz and thank u

he will also appreciate your highly creative side and natural intellect (especially for the arts), tho the boy has no passion for the rigid setting of the classroom. what can I say, you two are doomed to roam the North Pole together after his father banishes him there for the umpteenth time 

[joelsdagger]

HELLO GORGEOUS GIRL!!!!

I bring forth some questions for you

6 (PAYBACK), 9, 11, 24, and 28!!!

I LOVE YOU <3

naya my love ily 🥹🫶🏻 STOP CALLING ME NICE THINGS BACK 🤺 telling me to yap is a very bad idea bc….well LMAO

6.) three nice things about myself (i really wanted to kms with this one 💀 and i hate you for asking me this, i dont actually hate you i adore you but ugh this one was 🥴🥴🥴)

three physical things;

-my eyes are pretty

-my lips are soft the hue of them is a cute shade of pink (but its so hard to find a nude lippie that matches exactly 😭)

-my natural hair color and texture is nice, typical arab curls that i completely ruined with dye and permanent straightener that i’ve spent the last two years reviving and i’m so happy with the results!

three nonphysical things

-i dont let ppl walk all over me and deter me from my opinions and that’s something that was very hard for me growing up so that’s something that im proud of.

-i consider myself pretty loyal and protective and will fight for the people i love no matter what

-my work ethic is pretty intense and im ngl im proud of how fast and efficient i get once i put my mind to it.

9.) things that calm me down; my cat 🥹 when i’m upset its like she can sense it and she gets really lovey and cuddly, its so cute. nature, sometimes just sitting outside and being in the rain or the sun or looking up at the moon and the stars and the beach???? my escape 100%. going on drives with some music playing, and lately i’ve found that writing helps too

11.) im so easy but a chill, quiet night in with some good food (home cooked or take out, doesn’t really matter) and curled up on the couch, watching a good show/movie while cuddling is PERFECT. im a big introvert and homebody so anything away from people in the comfort of my home is everything to me. i’m also gonna say [redacted] at the end of the night would be nice too LMAO

24.) working out really helps me de-stress, i’ve found boxing, swimming, dancing helps keep my mind off of things. i’ve heard pilates is really good and i really wanna become a pilates girlie i wont lie. baking and gaming helps me de-stress too (although sometimes if the game gets too intense it stresses me out but i dont mind it bc it takes my mind off of the other things worrying me)

28.) i LOVE hand holding but i’m gonna be honest i’ve gotten really insecure of my hands these last 3-4 years, they’re very rough and dry now bc of my ocd :( so hugs are the safer option for me !

[wiltkingart]

hey wilt 🌈 been going thru ur account this morning (apologies for possibly spamming ur notifs with likes etc) and I know you get so many of these messages but like. Idk how to communicate to you how incredible your art is. You said somewhere that colour is possibly one of the weakest parts about your art and I was like. Stunned. Bc the way you use colour .... 👀🤯😱🥵🥴🔥🔥🔥 Like. I have somewhat of a background in art history and your work feels like it could really comfortably sit alongside Michaelangelo (also bc he was gay hehe) etc. Like. Idk. Do you realise how incredible your work is???? I'm shaking you. It's literally like. Wow. I mean you must know from the other messages bc the power it has to inspire ppl to read certain media or draw things or even start hrt. Anyway. I'm shocked to my core and forever changed after this morning even tho I've been following you for a long while. I hope this doesn't come across as like patronising (the bit where I ask if you realise how good you are) bc that's not my intention at all I'm just like. In awe and basking in the glow of your brilliance and I have a really complex relationship with making art myself and almost never use colour for many reasons but I feel So inspired to make after looking at your work which is really rare for me. Idk. Your work is joyful, glittering, maddening, hopeful, inspiring, beautiful etc etc etc etc. So much love to you I hope 2023 is being good to you so far 💓💓💓💖💞

not patronizing at all! i actually haven't felt the greatest about my art lately because my health has been hanging onto the edge of a gutter. it can be exhausting to keep fighting back negative thoughts alongside other physical issues. but i know these thoughts aren't true, and i'm hanging in there. through force of will i'm getting through it :') (and starting new meds soon!)

when i say color is my weakest element i mean that it's the part i struggle the most with. i don't have a solid grasp on how it works, so i have to rely on intuition and lately i've been using more references. i feel the most limited by color due to my shaky understanding of it. it takes a lot of time and experimentation with every piece to find something that feels good. but color is a very complex element! and i can only get better thru time and perseverance, and trying to absorb as much information as i can from the refs i use.

i don't think i'll ever have a scientific understanding of color or even enough solid ground to be someone who can make tutorials or explain it to other people. but on the flipside that means i can keep using colors i like even if that means they don't make sense. there's a charm in the unnatural! there's expression in existing outside the rules! as long as i keep taking risks and keep my mind open to learning, and use colors that make me smile, i'll be alright.

thanks for the incredibly kind message, it was very unexpected especially since i haven't posted much art for a long time. i'm hopeful that spring will be a good time for me. well wishes to you and yours, and i hope that creation can become a source of freedom for you rather than complexity. if the rules don't make sense, make your own <3

[bedazzlecunt]

wren, i know this is a somewhat personal question but have you ever felt unsafe or uncomfy when you went out all bimboesque? i'm a little scared of real life repercussions bc yes, while i do fantasize abt strangers taking advantage, i wouldn't want that to become a real, dangerous situation oof i hope u know what i mean. do you keep safe somehow? i'm sorry if this is too personal

omg no it's not too personal, and honestly i'm really grateful you asked. obviously this is a kink blog and i'm talking a lot about fantasy and fun and etc, but i really also love an excuse to talk seriously about it, especially since so much of the tumblr nsft community doesnt

the answer is yes, unfortunately. i'm lucky in that i live in a major city, where alt fashions are more common and turn less heads; it's not new york or anything, but i get way less shit than i did when i lived in Small Town USA. and it's a fucking shame that i sometimes feel like i have to compromise my style because men (and some non-men, but it's mostly men) can't behave. getting oggled or taken advantage of is sooo hot in theory, but in reality, that shit's just scary.

the thing is tho — at least in the major city i live in — i have gotten catcalled and whooped at nearly as much in long little house on the prairie style dresses as i have in miniskirts. the last time a man followed me anyplace i was in a knee-length selkie dress; not exactly the picture of sexy. this isn't to say that concerns about dressing too slutty aren't fair, but i want to emphasize that this shit is about men and their desire to punish folks who exist outside the 'appropriate' flavors of gender expression. it is not your fault or your clothe's fault if someone harasses, whether you're wearing a maxi dress with a high collar or god's shortest skirt. that's on the freak harassing you.

you have to navigate to what extent you're comfortable, and to what extent you're willing to compromise your style to avoid discomfort and stay safe. this is true of almost any alt-fashion, unfortunately. i'm extremely confident in myself and my style and hard to upset, so men catcalling or whatever neither bothers or scares me, but i still take some steps. i only go out in extra slutty fits when i'm with friends because i know men won't be as weird to me if i'm not alone, i stick to heavily populated areas when i am alone, and while i love to flirt and act ditzy and etc, if anybody starts crossing lines or getting too close, i abscond immediately. i also don't flirt with folks at bus stops or the like due to the risk that we'll then be stuck on a bus together and they'll know where my stop is and etc.

and like, this sucks! it fucking blows that i have to do this. but any person, especially fem ppl, who doesn't dress in a 'normal' way will have to navigate this until men learn to be normal. like i said, though; i turn more heads in a bimbo look, but in terms of actual harassment or shit, that often happens regardless of what i'm wearing, and i've luckily never been attacked or assaulted by a stranger. i wish i had a more coherent answer for you; something where i could say 'if you do xyz you'll be safe for sure' but that just doesn't exist. freaks will be freaks no matter how you look

this all being said — i will say that i get far more positive responses (particularly from women, lol) when i go out dressed to the slutty nines than i do negative, and overall it's fun and rewarding and a joy, or i wouldn't keep doing it. i get far more compliments than i do bad vibes, and i feel good. i don't want this answer to scare anyone out of a style they sincerely like. if you're just getting into it, just err on the side of caution at first while you feel out how your community reacts, and you can go from there.

[obwjam]

heyy girlie (gender neutral) I’ve become way too invested into ur OC Petra and their story .. Just wanted to share some HC’s i thought of over fangirling over them <3

• Petra picks up Spanish from Miguel (Can’t decide if they learn on their own or Miguel takes the time to teach them)

• Possibly sleeps in web sometimes? or web hammock??

• Their suit also has some kind of sugar glider style fabric stretching out from under the arms that help them glide/get around. (appearing as needed)

• ^^ I’d like to think they wouldn’t use it all that much, but every once in a while they just whip it casually and everyone’s like “so they can just fly?” (Material’s sum similar to that whole cape thing Miguel had on at Gwen’a earth)

• They’re extremely in tuned with their spidey sense. Helping them stay ahead from accidental/intentional mishaps from bigger ppl. (Maybe did training/meditation to develop it over the yrs?? Karate kid type beat) Also has really good intuition in general.

• (To go with that ^^) Some individuals who become close with Petra find that their spider senses become instinctively more aware of them and keeps them from accidental mishaps.

(From here on is basically Petra and the gang bc yes to interactions with them )

• Petra becoming part of the “Team Miles” gang >> (Them practically kidnapping Petra into one of their own and making sure they feel included and etc >>>

• Like, they’re 100% in the groupchat

• The gang send all the “short friend” tiktoks in there (They pretend to be annoyed by this)

• Sleepovers >>>>>>

• Petra would melt Rio’s heart.

• Imagine the gang having dinner at Miles’s and Petra’s already pulling out their own tupperware from home. (not wanting to create a fuss or any awkwardness) and Rio just sets down a saucer in front of them with just the tiniest of tamelas all tied up perfectly and it’s just <3 (and you KNOW Rio’s sending her back home with leftovers)

• Spiderbyte has at least once or twice adjusted her avatar to be their size for Petra’s comfort. (Petra said they were fine but Margo insisted.) ((I’d like to think she’s one of their 1st close friends outside of Miguel and Jess))

• Petra offers to add bluetooth to miles suit after overhearing him complain how uncomfy airpods are under his mask. Under the condition that he shares his playlist with them.

• They falls in love Earth 1610’s (Miles’s earth) music. (I feel like this is how they hit it off??)

• Also Miles and Petra bonding over being “different” in their own ways >>>

(I could literally go on and on but i’ll just stop right here for now lol. Love this character and the backstory you’ve created. Looking forward to anything you decide to put out with them. Take care <3)

I’M… IM LITERALLY IN AWE OF THESE OMGGGGGGG I WANT TO WRITE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING THESE AND I WANT TO EXPAND ON THEM OK

im literally obsessed with miles and petra bonding in that way. miles is just so nice and is like the fun-loving brother petra never had, and they both just have such a string desire to help people

miles does not look down on petra in any way. like he’s so chill they think there’s a catch but there isn’t. he’s just miles

miles is honestly in awe of petra and thinks they are SO COOL but will never admit it (gwen can tell right away)

spider byte making petra their own phone and petra is like bruh. what the hell is this thing and where has it been all my life

the “omg how are you so small” meme gets sent every day

petra is obsessed with the !! react on imessage

already loving how accepting miles’ parents would be of them in the perfect world where they know everything like. rio is SO motherly to them

petra would LOVE miles’ music so much omg. they would be a “always training to a specific playlist” typea bitch

the suit thing is SO good because i had the same thought. just making crazy jumps and gliding around

they have this weird relationship w miguel bc he saved them so they have a soft spot for each other but the way miguel sees miles is of course questionable…… so they’re in a weird middle ground

peter b. would be a menace to them of course. sort of like a love/hate relationship but they will never admit they like each other

petra picks up spanish from miguel and them and miles speak it to each other to practice 🥹

tiny people having superior senses is like my favorite trope that i use with every time so it’s a no-brainer here, they know shit like a few seconds before the others sense it

miguel is so protective over them it’s insane. they pretend it bothers them but deep down they rely on that security

[dearestones]

Twisted Wonderland Matchup: Azul Ashengrotto #2

Warnings: Fluff. 

@axolotlhalo Request: Hey there, if it's no problem, can I ask for a romantic twst matchup? No gender prefs. I've got short black hair, hazel eyes, tan skin and freckles. I'm around 6'7 and am non binary, but I use he/it/they pronouns [feel free to just use they/them] ^^ My name is Charlie, but I like any nicknames ppl give me. In friend groups I usually take on the role as the parental figure, making sure everyone stays safe but still has fun, although sometimes with enough convincing I'll join in on the chaos. I absolutely love listening to people ramble and talk about what they like, so when with a group I stay quiet and pitch in when I need to.

My type of fashion is basically dark academia and grunge, usually wearing turtlenecks and coats, I have A LOT of piercings, nose piercings, ear piercings and a tongue piercing.

I'm a pretty laid back, calm, quite hard to anger and protective. I really enjoy reading books a lot and even write, sometimes I draw as well! I also know how to play the guitar. I always try to get my friends to laugh, I can easily tell what my friends like and dislike, so I use that to try and cheer them up, by cracking some jokes or making them food. On the other hand, I really struggle with big crowds and going out in loud places, I'm super socially awkward and struggle with anxiety a lot, so I get really exhausted and grumpy when outside, I'm quite easily stressed out and overthink a lot.

I like to collect rocks, figurines, and enjoy learning about history!! Esp egyptian history! If comfortable enough, I'll show off my interests, but only to people I'm close with.

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After going through the information given, I believe that you best pair well with Azul Ashengrotto!

Just when Azul thought that he had seen two of the tallest people in his life, you had to appear. Geeze, were you an eel species of merfolk like the Leech twins or were humans just as prone to having outliers in their populace? Seriously, what have you been doing? You’re so tall! Once Azul gets over his brief moment of shock and blatant gaping, he’ll compose himself right away and not pay you any mind. If there’s anything interesting about you—that he’ll later use as blackmail material—Jade will inform him. 

It might take a while for you to get close enough to befriend Azul, but when you do, he’ll think about how much easier life is with you around. Because of your parental authority, the Leech twins seem to pay more heed to you than to him. It may be because Jade and Floyd want to annoy Azul or to mess with you, but Azul is grateful all the same. The Leeches are brats on their best days anyway, but he appreciates the clear head that you keep on your shoulders. 

(Then again, Azul isn’t very surprised to find that Jade and Floyd have convinced you to wreak havoc on the poor students of Night Raven College. He’s also not surprised to find that the twins have tried making you “prank” him at least once. If you comply with the twins’ demands, Azul can’t exactly blame you. Those two have sought to make his life as interesting as possible and if that meant making a prospective new friend drag him into misadventures, then why not?)

That said, if you ever feel guilty, Azul will comfort you. And then recommend a way that you can make it up to him. (No, it doesn’t have to be a contract, but it would be nice to have you around to help! What do you say? Weren’t you feeling guilty earlier? Won’t you please help a poor unfortunate soul like him?)

It’s because of these circumstances that you and Azul become closer. You either end up helping out at Mostro Lounge out of your own free will (debatable) or you’ll wind up doing Azul’s bidding under a contract that you think are benefiting from….but not. If you ever tell Azul about your talent with the guitar, Azul will instantly think of ways to profit off your hobby. 

(Unfortunately, he has to admit that guitars don’t contribute to the jazzy atmosphere that the Lounge provides, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want a private performance with you).

As you continue to work at Mostro Lounge, it feels less like working for Azul, but more like you’re working with Azul. During his quieter, introverted moments—times when he isn’t putting on a show to impress people—he’ll talk to you about whatever is bothering him on particular days, his reservations as a Housewarden, and his hopes and dreams for the future. Sometimes, he’ll look at you during those times, something unreadable in his eyes, before he’ll thank you for listening. It’s hard for Azul to accept good will from others so he’ll try and offer ways to pay you back for your kind and nurturing presence. 

(Don’t you dare reject his offer, he will pester you and possibly ask the twins to get you to accept).

Some things that Azul appreciates about you is that he absolutely adores your piercings. He’ll never admit it, but most of the things he wears are because he wants others to realize that he is more than just the chubby crybaby from his past. Have you seen his glasses? He had spent almost two hours debating which frames would look best on his face and even now, he sometimes feels like he should get a new pair. 

Back to the point, Azul is also a connoisseur of very shiny things. Have you seen his coin collection that he keeps in his room? (Please say you didn’t, that’s personal and he was hoping to show you one day when he becomes more comfortable with you). He loves your piercings and if you do some particularly huge favors for him, he will buy you special jewelry for your piercings, hoping that you would look good in them. (And you do, much to both of your pleasure).

If the both of you have the time, but don’t want to go outside of the Mostro Lounge, you can sit in his VIP room and read with him. Sometimes, you’ll engage in fascinating discussion about the literature you were reading (or possibly writing! please read to him, he likes your voice and wants to know what your innermost workings are like) or he’ll recommend some of Twisted Wonderland’s best works for you to enjoy. If not the Mostro Lounge, then Azul will happily take you to his favorite table in the library. 

It’s hard to make Azul genuinely laugh. Whenever he expresses mirth, it’s usually at the expense of someone’s demise at the hands of his contracts or because of a social faux pas (again, at someone else’s expense). However, he must admit that your genuine attempts to make him happy are rather effective. In fact, it’s probably the fact that you can make him laugh cements your fate as his future lover. It’s when he realizes that you are selfless and willing to make him happy that he realizes that he might have found someone that he would like to share the rest of his life with you.

(Also! Please make food for Azul! He needs to eat and making food is somewhat of a love language for him considering that’s how his mother likes to show her love. So… This! Will! Make! Him! Happy! Do it!)

(Not that he’ll ever admit it, though. Despite his reservations concerning his weight, he’ll eat your food because you made it and he hopes that you never make fun of him for it).

Unfortunately, Azul can also relate to your struggle with social awkwardness and struggling with anxiety. He may display a facade of a slimy businessman, but he knows all too well what it’s like to be uncomfortable in your own skin. Even though he’s ten times as extraverted as you and loves meeting new people for business opportunities, he’ll gladly cut outings short if he sees you being miserable. He would rather lose out on contracts and bargains in his favor just so that you’ll smile again. (Of course, he’ll recommend techniques to help you with your anxiety, but at the end of the day, he’ll wrap you in his arms and take you back home to recuperate). 

Overall, your relationship with Azul is a slow burn with a satisfying ending. While it may seem like your relationship is basically transactional, the longer you stay with Azul, the more he realizes that he wants to spoil you without the precedent of you doing something nice for him. Please accept him for who he is and he will move mountains for you. 

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If you want to donate a Ko-Fi, feel free https://ko-fi.com/devintrinidad.

TWISTED WONDERLAND MASTERLIST

[imx-n]

So today I had court again for the same case. I just want to move forward in my life and I’m tired of people trying to create havoc and push their projections of superficiality on my life. That’s what it’s like being a beautiful soul around tortured miserable souls. They want you miserable too. I have to take some classes and idk whether to thank god because it could be worse or whether to be angry because it’s like this is another thing impeding on time for me to handle the overwhelming things I have to manage myself. And this is another sign of abuse. The trauma of just wanting to live and the abuse that I deal with because of people not wanting my life to be worth living is so traumatizing I don’t want to get close to anyone. I just wanna disappear rest and deal with these emotions. Emotions of…why?just why sometimes is all I can ask. Jealousy is really one hell of a demon bro fr. People just want to strip you bare and want your life to servicing them to be comfortable.

That’s what happens when you’re a person like me everyone just wants control and dictatorship over your life. The life of being…the easy target. The one no one speaks up for? The one that people don’t wanna see as a person? I have to be what they see me as very rare I get viewed as I am for what I am. Just disrespect constant disrespect and cookery. The one that has to either accept the abuse or accept the consequences of not accepting the abuse and if I die just another victim of a capitalist, prejudice, ignorant world full of insecure ppl who are hungry for power. I wish someone could come in and make a change. Put people with hearts and who has the greater good of the people in my mind to do these jobs . Not trying to gain power just to abuse it bc outside of what they do they feel powerless. Thats why I’m focusing more and more into loving my natural self, focusing on connecting to god more and trying to eat healthy. Trying to keep these vibrations high while dealing this. These witches wanna block my ability to manifest and call in shit lol. I’m far from dumb and less I’m able to speak the more spirit can’t hear me. They know what’s going on and they know I’m a person here surviving abuse on a global scale and I just wanna be able to move on and heal. I talk want to talk to you, see, kick it or anything with no bitch from my past you had your chance. Let someone else love and love on me properly and move on to your next “victim”. People tend to forget who’s sometimes the ppl running these systems and they’re apart of it. Wives who know their husband a pedofile, abusers, serial killers, witches, warlocks, reptilians just some real crazy shit who uses these political establishments just for the reasoning of having access to an abundance of ppl and they’re the ones who enforces the rules. It’s sick and a lot of the ppl who are in the streets, gone crazy, can’t afford to live day to day life are victims of those said barriers mentioned. Everyday they have to fight warfare or become a victim to it and it’s sad. Our souls being collected like infinity stones and we just allow it.

These witches literally smell when one our black ppl are destined for greatness nd be careful because they’ll sabotage it and try to destroy or take it. The moment we submit is the moment instead of our walk being with god is the moment we make a deal with the devil. That’s how they harvest our energy by keeping us stuck and we have to protect ourselves, learn how to cleanse those energies up of us and learn how to have the discipline to stay in alignment. For me and this warfare I’m dealing with guys alignment is so important and my ass strayed off the path not too long ago and guys spirit message

I’m working hard doing everything to fight this warfare off and baby it’s not easy and discipline is the key. It’s so crazy how when you know you’re going through something bigger than you nd you’re dealing with hella unawakened energies that find solace in the ignorance instead of discomfort. You’ve made yourself comfortable with the energy of lack and bad karma. So don’t blame life for your shitty outcomes maybe change the energy you’re in and it’s crazy how a lot of ppl who chose to stay just to have the house, the car, the lifestyle of marriage the superficiality but not the actual love and connection to spirit and god is mad at the person who had the courage to leave. Like I thought that’s what you wanted for me to do was go. No you wanted me to submit to your wack ass control that’s not even in the best interest of anybody but yourself. Why must I sacrifice myself for your ego and shitty confidence? Why can’t you umm do some shadow work insecure bitches and learn to appreciate beauty as a whole meaning including your own individual beauty outside of comparison mode. It’s so disgusting. Then more disgusting when ppl cannot have the emotional intelligence of this is not the time for all of this.

Sometimes tho you need the spiritual solitude of being able to tune others out. And I’ve become really good at it but it doesn’t mean that I still don’t have feelings and the drive some people have to hurt my feelings makes me act like I don’t and the truth is I do and I have moments where all this shit gets to me and I ask myself when will I finally get the peaceful environment I’m looking for. And where is it? Because I don’t feel it’s Savannah, but I love all Savannah has to offer but Savannah doesn’t love me. So it’s time to go somewhere I can feel the…love. Too much hoe shit you know and I’m evolving past that. Sad times but I still have hope.

[roobylavender]

HI i really enjoy your blog and the wide variety of interests and topics you talk about :') i'm also desi diaspora btw and i like hearing your perspective on diaspora issues too! i have a personal question if it's alright - pls ignore this ask if you don't wanna answer it, i would totally understand but - lately i've been hearing a lot abt making more private spaces unisex like public bathrooms etc, and i was wondering how u feel about this also considering your ethnic/religious background? like personally whether it's in past school sports teams or currently sharing my space with fellow med students where we often have to rapidly change scrubs and stuff i've never felt comfortable changing in front of male strangers etc, and while i know i'm naturally a reserved/introverted person i also know that the way i was raised and my family's traditions/culture has a lot to do with it lol... for this reason and also in general bc of all the stories i hear from back home abt femicide, r*pe, etc in south asia and west asia, i don't think i'd ever be completely comfortable with a man unless i knew him v well. but also i think most women even outside our ethnic bg feel similarly (like idk if u saw but recently there was this viral series of tweets where women said they'd rather encounter a bear in a forest than a man while they were isolated)... considering the number of stories of everyone from sports coaches to male doctors to male prison wardens assaulting their female patients, or how so many countries have epidemics of bathroom stall cameras and peeping toms, i can't help but feel that this wariness is justified. also the risk of hate crimes/violent assault is like a million times greater from men than women so idk if it would even be wise for gay, gnc, trans-identified ppl etc to share private spaces with them... so i'm struggling to unpack my feelings abt this and also i feel like girls and women shouldn't have to put aside our discomfort (that's been well-validated for so many millennia) idk... i was wondering if you felt similarly since from what i've seen u also come from a similar background as me? thank you!!

i don't mind answering! personally i'm also pretty self conscious about changing and used the bathroom stalls in school when it was time for gym class lol. but i think what we need to understand about an ideology or movement like this is that it's necessary to engage with it faithfully and materially. i think a lot of the reactionary attitude towards gender abolition tends to stem from the idea that abolition is an immediate conclusion and not a process that will take time and several steps to achieve. so it's not a movement that persists in ignorance of all of the issues you listed above but actually with an acute awareness of and desire to address them individually and collectively so that we can make it to a point where the conclusions of gender abolition become a reality. obv that will take a lot of time! but the point is to believe in and help curate that outcome no matter how long it takes to do so. and a lot of that will come down to deconstructing and restructuring how we as people are socialized from birth. men aren't born into misogyny, they're nurtured into it. and if we want women to be safer in the long term we need to invest in a future where we purge misogyny at the outset. which again! will certainly take a lot of time and an extensive effort from all walks of people (as well as require addressing multiple aspects and sectors of society beyond those immediately related to gender). but it's very important not to give into bioessentialism and believe that men are fundamentally incapable of co-existing safely with women. they very much can provided deliberate and extensive structural upheaval of gender politics as it exists today and that is what we need to focus on!

[en-hale-archives]

i hope no ones asked this before, but how experienced do u think hyung line is? like who’s most likely to be a virgin / have started having sex recently / have had sex pre debut haha cause realistically most ppl that age have had their first time already (my first time was when i was ni-ki’s age which is so weird to think about 🥲🥲) but because of their training period and still being a rookie, it looks like it’d be harder for them to meet a romantic/sexual partner

sorry for the long ask lol but i’m curious about what u might think!!! also side note i love ur blog hehe

on a scale of 1-10, who's experienced is the hyung line..♡‧₊˚

pairing ≕ hyung!enha

warning ≕ 18+/smut. Read @ your own discretion.

author's note ≕ I'm so intrigued with this request. the rule of the scale is that I rate between 1-10 on which members are experienced or not. 10 being extremely experienced and 1 being not even a kiss.

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© to en-hale. no translations/reposts etc. (w/out permission)

𐂂 Heeseung ≕ 6.5 - I believe for sure that Heeseung has already had a few of his firsts, like first kiss, make-out, maybe some subtle dry grinding as they do, and potentially a handjob. His first kiss would've been wayyy long ago, years before he even decided to become a trainee. I think in middle school he might've had some fling with a cute girl from science class, and they might've kissed each other in between classes, or while waiting on the bus, you know, the only time middle schoolers could do stuff like that. During his trainee time, it's highly likely that he could've met someone, and they got close, kissed a few times, it might've gone far on one or two occasions, but never anything passed a couple of make-outs and the dry grinding like I mentioned before. Heeseung was for sure the type of trainee that was more focused on becoming an idol than he was on getting into a relationship. Nothing ever went anywhere with the girl, and by the time he became an idol, he was running out of free time to do really anything else outside of Enhypen. Since he is the oldest, I could believe that the company lets him get away with a few more things, like potentially seeing girls or even going on dates with them. If that were to happen, he could take it a step further and get his first handjob, maybe even trying to explore his partner's body by touching and rubbing on them, but I still believe he's a virgin. Again, he's so focused on the group, he's not worried about losing his virginity anytime soon. He'll just go with the flow. When it happens, it happens, but he's not going to stress himself out over it.

𓊿 Jay ≕ 4 - To be crucially honest, I don't see Jay having done much in the sexual department. I'm sure he's thought about it, even almost getting close to it, but never has it gone the way he expected. Like Heeseung, I'm sure Jay has had his first kiss like many do. Jay just always seems to me like the one that has to be in a relationship in order for him to be comfortable with doing stuff with his partner. So his first kiss might've happened in his early years of high school, so they were his first serious relationship, and they got to be his first kiss, and vice versa. They broke up when Jay decided to be a trainee cause he wanted to be all focused on his career. I can see him getting teased by the others that he didn't at least get his first handjob or blowjob, but he's not worried about it. I genuinely see Jay as he is right now having some fling with another k-pop female idol. It's very brand new, they've only been on a few dates, and potentially he's thinking about taking things further. But again, he's super busy with being in Enhypen, he doesn't have time to worry about his sex life. If anything, eventually Jay will lose it, maybe in the next couple of years or so. I can see him getting into a private relationship and keeping things calm until one day it just happens.

ꈊ Jake ≕ 9 - Probably has the most experience out of all of them. There's no doubt in my mind that he hasn't already lost his virginity. He seems like he would've been the cute popular guy in high school that could get anyone he wanted, and because of that, he just has already had sex, maybe even multiple times, with the same person, or even different people. I think way before he was even a trainee, Jake might've not had the best reputation and could've been a huge fuckboy, including just giving off those vibes more than any other member. I can imagine Jake being one of those kids in elementary school that would moan for fun at recess or would talk about sexual things with his friends. Kind of like back then when he couldn't stop laughing after Jungwon accidentally moaned on a vlive. Actually, he would've had the same maturity level as Ni-Ki when he was his age since Ni-Ki was the one who kept moaning out loud to tease Jungwon. Stuff like that is what I imagined Jake to be. Now, I think he has grown a bit more mature cause he's afraid to ruin his reputation since he is an idol, so he's not so much as sexually active as he could've been before. However, Jake has experienced all of it: handjob, blowjob, eating someone out, fucking them, even maybe trying out some funky positions. I can definitely see it. I think the only thing Jake hasn't had is a possible serious relationship which is why he's at a 9.

𖠪 Sunghoon ≕ 7.5 - as much as I write about Sunghoon being this big and bad dominant person, he's probably not had much more experience than Heeseung. For one, Sunghoon has kind of been in the spotlight his entire life, so I think he's already learned how to act in front of the camera, and due to his very stressful and busy job as a figure skater, he probably hasn't had much time outside to be in relationships, but I'm sure he's managed. His first kiss could've been with the person he did his first figure skating duet with, his first girlfriend could've been with the many girls he was in class with. it didn't start to go anywhere until right before he became a trainee, and his girlfriend and they might've taken things pretty far, maybe even almost having sex, but he was too scared and maybe she was too. If anything, Like Heeseung, I can see him having a secret relationship and just now diving into his sex life. Nothing serious like a relationship, but Sunghoon is an adult and has adult needs, just like the rest of the hyungs. So a few girls, so nights out. I don't know how arrangements would work in terms of if the girl would come over to the dorm, which I doubt she would, but he also couldn't go to hers so who knows...? I'm sure they figure it out though.