#it can just make us all feel a little iffy depending on what mood we are in

[lovesick-level-up]

could you make a tako luka header/banner? /nf ofc

If you do make it could you add a tuna or 2,

i had a little too much fun making these for you. we really hope you like them!

and do not worry about forgetting to say you all instead of you. most people do, and we aren't too bothered. we doubt many people completely retain all the rules in our rentry lol. but thank you for being considerate.

~ mod mukuro

[l0serloki]

Cooking with Valorant Agents!

(Chamber, Sova, Fade, Viper)

CW : OCD? (Chamber), Eating, not much else

A/N : I am so hungry but I really just don’t want to get up. This was an idea I had a few days ago but just now wrote up. Per usual, if there’s mistakes… no there isn’t. ALSO, I wrote this one on my phone so the text might be different.

Chamber :

I feel like he would be one of two things. Either a really good chef, or not know how to cook.

Look, he loves expensive food that fits his palate but with that money…

You think he’s cooking that lobster himself? Maybe. It depends on his mood! If he wants to cook and be alone, he can. If he really wants an amazing meal - he gets someone to do it.

He knows how to cook basic meals but that won’t do for my sacred mans tongue.

If you ask him to cook, he will join you. But expect a lot of complaining. He wants to keep everything super clean!

“Vincent, I love you but this is so unrealistic.” You could only sigh as your boyfriend frantically sweeped.

You two had been baking for not more than ten minutes when his little ‘cleaning mode’ had started. There was a bit of flour dusting around the table, and some egg shells laying out to be tossed. It wasn’t much and not really a priority of yours while you were cooking but to Vincent… It was the end of the world.

“Oh my. The counter will probably be stained! How did I not notice this sooner?” The mans shrill voice echoed throughout the room. You could only stand and chuckle, watching the scene unfold.

“Like I said. It’s not the end of the world. This is about us, not some egg shells.” You reassured him, lips smothering his face in kisses. His body eased under your touch, breath slowing.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. Let us finish up and then we can relax.” Chamber’s arms wrapped around you, lips kissing at your temple. You hummed under the affection, glad that he was over his fit.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

Sova :

He cooks a lot! I feel like his Grandma taught him dishes and he loves sharing them.

Sova will be the one to ask you to cook! He wants to see your favorite foods & spend time with you!

This man LOVES desert. (It’s supposed to be a secret though! Hide some chocolates for him <3)

Overall, he loves to be in the kitchen and will gladly serve you OR cook with you!

“Oh, Y/N! This was so fun!” Sova smiled, arms setting down the hot pan. The two of you had spent the evening cooking per his request. You had not expected it to be as exciting as it was. Sova had taught you a lot and still made you feel smart.

“Mm, this was fun. We will have to do my idea next time.” You kissed at the mans cheek, sneaking a bite of the food.

His hand wrapped around your wrist, snickering at your embarrassment.

“Yes, we should. But what did I just say? The food is hot! Now shoo! I’ll bring it to you, minx.” Sasha teased, pushing you away from eating more. You grinned, making your way into the living room.

“You better! If you eat it all yourself, you’ll have to make more!”

Fade :

I feel like she’s iffy on cooking. Don’t get me wrong, she cooks all her meals. She just doesn’t get super excited about it or anything.

But, if it’s something you love or enjoy then she will pitch in!

She’ll be your little helper! She sets up all the ingredients and makes sure to measure things ahead of time.

Fade also has a big appetite and will be glad to have a nice meal!

“You are really good at this.” Fade’s voice whispered as her arms wrapped around your torso. The two of you had been making some snacks for the base. It was an idea you had to spend time with your girlfriend and still get stuff done.

“You’re too kind. Can you grab me some sugar, love?” You asked and the woman had already departed. It was cute how rigorous she was. All the ingredients were at your disposal within seconds, her hands working to help you in any way possible.

“Here.” Fade sat down the sugar, lips caressing the nape of your neck. You rubbed your fingers over her hand, murmuring a quiet thanks.

Maybe you should ask Fade for help more often!

Viper :

WOW.

She shocks you at how good she cooks! Occasionally she will make dinner and it’s always amazing.

“I just followed the instructions. I’m good with measuring. It’s what I do with my poisons.”

“That’s so reassuring, babe. Thanks.”

If cooking is what you want to do, she’s got the apron strapped on.

She’s the type of girlfriend to lick stuff off your face or finger just to fluster you. Better watch out!

Not even two days ago you had mentioned how you were missing a good meal. Well, your girlfriend never ceased to surprise! As you got home from work, Sabine had dressed the table for dinner. The meal looked and smelled delicious. You slumped, delighted at such a treat.

“Baby, this looks amazing. Thank you.” You grinned, giving the woman a kiss as she settled next to you.

“You’re welcome. Eat up.”

You did as told, digging into the food. It was more than good. The best way to describe it would be comparing it to an expensive restaurant. Who knew Viper could cook this well?

“Sabine, this is mind-blowing. Since when did you cook so well?” You raised an eyebrow. Viper only snorted, waving her hand in nonchalance.

“I am not that good. I simply followed the recipe. You know, getting ingredients is a lot like my poisons. Maybe that’s why it ended up so well.”

You choked at the comment, not expecting such an answer.

“Wow babe, that’s so reassuring.”

[indiee19]

Can we get a smut alphabet for alex turner?

a/n: so sorry for not posting in a bit, i've just been taking a little break, and since i haven't got an imagine ready yet, and seeing as this was requested (obviously), i thought i'd do it! ENJOY!!

Alex Turner NSFW/Smut Alphabet

Thank you to my friends Eleanor and Ava for helping me really quick with this!!!

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He'll make sure that you’ve finished and then he'll clean you, maybe even get you a snack or something to drink if you want it.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part on his body has got to be either his arms, his hands, or hair, if that counts. His favorite body part of yours are your legs for no particular reason, he just likes them.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He liked to either cum inside you, or in your mouth.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

There's two to this one. The first one: He purposefully gets hard before shows and during them to tease you and to show off to other guys who want you. The second one: He once used a camera you go him for his birthday to take pictures of you in the shower, while you were fingering yourself, and while he was fucking you from behind.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Very experienced.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

His all time favorite positions are either 69 or doggy.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Depends on how much the both of you have had to drink. If he's hardly had any, then he's serious. If the both of you have had a lot to drink, are tipsy or completely drunk, he'll try to be serious, but will end up being more goofy.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Trimmed. He keeps himself well groomed.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He sees it as a time for you and to make you feel good.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He gets really horny very easily and doesn't really jerk off unless you're not home. And if you aren't, he'll look at your Instagram pictures and imagine that you're right in front of him naked.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Spit kink, daddy kink, praise kink, loves to degrade (if that's a kink), loves to tie you up (once again if that's a kink)

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Bed, the shower, bent over the kitchen counter, on a desk, the car, backstage, literally anywhere possible.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything you do is highly sensual to him, especially when you sway your hips or even when you kiss him.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He wouldn't do roleplay as he absolutely hates it. He'd also never do anything that would actually cause physical or mental harm to you, or that you don't like.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He prefers to give oral rather than to receive. He likes to pleasure you more than anything, and also, he likes to dominate you, and you giving him a blowjob takes most of that dominance away. And he's very, very good at giving it.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

In all honesty, it depends on his mood, where you're at, or if he has to be somewhere soon. But, he's mostly very slow and sensual.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He hates them. In fact, he hates them so much that he'd rather go on stage or go to an interview with a big bulge in his pants rather than do a very quick one that wouldn't allow him to feel every inch of you all over again.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He's a bit iffy on it, but if you're down, he's down.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can go for multiple rounds at a time, like, hours on end. And he can last at least 45 minutes.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Unless a bandanna neck scarf counts, he doesn't own any toys at all.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves to drive you crazy by teasing you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

For such a small boy, he's very loud, and he loves to tell you that he loves you and fucking you.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He loves to randomly call you in the middle of the day, when you're not home, so that he can listen to his voice while he's jerking off

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Long and thick.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very, very high.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on how long you two fucked, how late it is, or if you need anything afterwards. If it was fairly short (45 minutes) it'll take him a bit to go to sleep. If it was pretty long (hour and a half+) he'll make sure you finished and that you don't need anything, then he'll say he loves you and then practically fall asleep.

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

tag list: @juniebugg @anakinsbestgirl @80sarabella

[animeyanderelover]

Could I have headcanons for Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke sharing a darling?

This was actually part of a post I made a while ago. It was about sharing a darling pairs in which I was personally interested. Also, since I did already a Sakura and Naruto post and a modern reader post, I tried to summon the backstory shorter up and layed my focus on the dynamic of the relationship.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy mindset, vicious behavior, harsh behavior, killing, manipulating, kidnapping

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura sharing a darling

🍜💙🌸I can see you as a fellow classmate back in the academy days with Naruto having already a huge crush on you back then and going on small little dates with you. When the teams were made, he was definitely upset that he wasn’t part of your team, jealous of the classmates who were. With Sakura you developed a good friendship during these days since Naruto brought you over as often as possible since he wanted to introduce you to his new friends. She was just thankful that Naruto had someone, he could always count on. Sasuke was most likely annoyed by you at first because that blonde over there never stopped talking about you. I feel like that if you would excel in a special area, ninjutsu for example or would be a good strategist, he might be impressed. But he would definitely need to spend a lot of time with you. You might have helped him with new techniques for which he acknowledged you.

🍜💙🌸You could say that this was somewhat the start of it all, Naruto and Sasuke both being in love with you. It made the relationship a bit more complicated to say the least, both often arguing when it came to you. A lot of snarky and mean comments from Sasuke, poking fun at Naruto and saying he wouldn’t be strong enough and Naruto throwing childish tantrums. Sakura, knowing that both of them liked you, was of course saddened due to her crush on Sasuke back then. But she also knew that you couldn’t do anything about it and felt almost sorry for you, these two were much to take after all.

🍜💙🌸It came to the final showdown between Sasuke and Naruto after he had decided to leave the village, wanting to get stronger and feeling hatred for Naruto because that guy had gotten so strong and monopolized your time. It led to a much more intense fight between those two, Sasuke more aggressive because of all the anger inside of him which led him to yelling at Naruto that one day he would get you and then you would be his. Naruto on the other hand got terrified when hearing this, not willing to let you anywhere near Orochimaru and Sasuke, who was clearly not thinking, which also led him to pushing harder.

🍜💙🌸He was scared when he had to leave you alone, but also knew that this was a necessary step to get stronger. He made Tsunade, Sakura, Kakashi and everyone of his friends promise that they would protect you. He knew Sasuke was lurking somewhere outside there, waiting for his chance.

🍜💙🌸It was during this time that Sakura fell for you, spending everyday with you that at one point Tsunade just decided to train both of you together since you were always there. She just realized that you had been there for her all the time, always supported her and acted as the shoulder to cry on when she had needed one. She felt conflicted about this, knowing that Naruto and you were an unofficial couple which led her to some mood swings. She was either on cloud nine or somewhere deep underground.

🍜💙🌸When Naruto came back, she informed him about what had happened. He was at first a bit more iffy about how to feel, but him and Sakura shared a great trust after all, leading to both of them agreeing to share whilst also wanting to safe their teammate. Sasuke on the other hand had spent years training with Orochimaru and that guy had somehow found out about his pupil’s little obsession with you, daring to sometimes ask him about you which led to Sasuke aggressively reacting. Even the thought of Orochimaru anywhere near you was disgusting.

🍜💙🌸After he went rogue, he had originally planned to take you after defeating Itachi. You could have been in the search troupe together with Naruto, Sakura and all the others. Tsunade and Kakashi were aware that Sasuke was after you, so they most likely either made you pair up with Naruto or Sakura at that time. If Sasuke found out or not depends on whether he sensed you or not. If he did, there’s a chance he really went after you, only to be interrupted by all the other people searching for him which was quite frustrating. You were so close and he still couldn’t grab you.

🍜💙🌸He didn’t know about Sakura yet, Tobi probably told him about it, using it as a manipulation to make him distrust the village even more and bring him to joining the Akatsuki. And that made Sasuke snap. As if it wouldn’t have been enough that this blonde moron had fallen for you, Sakura too?! Was that guy kidding him! And when he found out that those two were even sharing, he honestly was irritated. The concept of sharing the person you love wasn’t exactly well known to him.

🍜💙🌸It was most likely after the war that those three finally came to the terms of sharing with each other. Of course Sasuke needed a lot of time to get convinced. It was most likely Sakura and maybe even the darling who suggested it. Naruto wasn’t exactly all that happy with it. He was a jealous boy after all and he knew that Sasuke wasn’t exactly...the nicest person. He was dubious about this whole thing and the only reason why he was willing to give it a shot in the first place was because Sasuke was his friend. And as a worshipper he refused to let you get yelled at. And Sasuke was conflicted about this. Sharing really isn’t his strength and whilst he did saw them as his teammates again, he was still pretty selfish about you. He shouldn’t have to share you with someone else. But he knew too well that Sakura and Naruto wouldn’t let you go. Neither would he. He needed most likely help and comfort from the darling during this time so he would come to the terms of sharing.

🍜💙🌸It is truly a thing to witness in here. Because whilst Sakura and Naruto worked together so well because they share a lot of Yandere types and has the same point of view about how to treat and share you, not to mention the same trust, Sasuke isn’t like those two. He’s more of a bastard who can lash out easily when the wrong buttons are pushed and also yell at his darling for it.

🍜💙🌸It’s also worth mentioning that whilst Naruto and Sakura do see Sasuke as their friend and teammate and trust him, they always hoped for him to come back, when it comes to their darling, both of them are a bit more distrusting and more on edge. They know Sasuke’s mood swings and whilst he definitely is a bit more nicer to you, he can just as well spit out some hurtful words. And that’s definitely anything, but fine with Naruto and Sakura.

🍜💙🌸The dynamic between Naruto and Sasuke could be described as shaky. They are literally back to how they used to act to each other when they were younger. That means Sasuke mocking his friend whilst Naruto throws childish tantrums. But both of them changed after all so it can go from just acting like children and teasing and yelling at each other quickly to actually throwing hands over you. And in this case Sakura and the s/o will have to step in so they don’t try to kill each other again. And whilst Sakura definitely always tries to solve this peacefully, the moment she loses her temper too or notices that both of them scare you with their behavior, she definitely isn’t above punching them and yelling at them to stop their stupid behavior since they scare you with it.

🍜💙🌸The dynamic between Sakura and Sasuke might be a bit more awkward given the fact that Sakura used to have a crush on Sasuke and he knows that too. But at least those two are a bit more polite with each other, most likely because most of the times she knows not to push his buttons and tries in general to always talk with them if they have a problem with each other. If we go from cannon logic and assume that both of them should still develop romantic feelings for each other later on, this would of course change a few things. Sasuke would just have an easier time sharing with someone if he loved that person as well. It would still be pretty turbulent though.

🍜💙🌸Time has to be developed carefully because once again, the dynamic with Sakura and Naruto might be great, but Sasuke doesn’t add up to it. Sakura and Naruto are used to sharing their darling and definitely spend a lot of time with them together. Whilst Naruto does need a bit more time alone with their darling than Sakura does, they managed to schedule the time. But with Sasuke in the picture things changed quite a bit. Sasuke is more of a loner and since he’s possessive, he needs a lot more time with his darling in comparison to many others. Another thing is that he needs the calmness and Naruto and Sakura tend to be a bit too loud for his taste. Not only that, but all three of them together with their darling can lead to a quick argument between Naruto and Sasuke and that’s when it really gets noisy.

🍜Naruto would grow most likely more clingy due to constantly being teased and poked fun at by Sasuke. From the three he is definitely the one who would smother you more than Sasuke. He isn’t exactly happy with having to share with the black-haired boy since Sasuke goes sometimes a bit too harsh on you. There is also this old competition from his younger days between him and Sasuke which still influences the way those two act with each other. He’s also a bit more protective over you than he usually would be, not wanting you to endure any of Sasuke’s mood swings alone. If he should find out that you always get scared when him and Sasuke are in another shouting session which is about to reach it’s climax, he would feel totally horrible afterwards, apologizing whilst suffocating you in even more affection. He would try afterwards to prevent himself from getting angered too much by Sasuke for your sake which isn’t very easy.

💙Sasuke is somewhat the more unpleasant counterpart of Sakura and Naruto. He isn’t the nicest person and he knows that too. He tends to often get all pent-up due to constantly throwing fits with Naruto. It makes him a bit more trigger-happy and so it definitely happens once in a while that he has to let his frustrations out, sometimes even on you. He does feel bad afterwards since he understands that this isn’t completely your fault. It’s just hard for him to endure Sakura and Naruto, who are very overbearing to say the least. He needs time alone with you to connect properly and that is hard with the other two constantly around. He isn’t exactly all that willing to make things up with Naruto since he possesses a huge amount of Uchiha pride. Sakura would honestly have to drag him by the collar to apologize to you and to make both of them apologize to each other.

🌸Sakura is the voice of reasoning between those two. She’s honestly the only reason they didn’t lose their other arm as well. She’s more reasonable with everything and acts somewhat as a messenger between those two since their pride often keeps them from talking to each other like a grownup does. She often talks with both of them as polite as she can, figures out the problems and talks to the other one, listening to his problems and trying to make him help to understand the point of view from the other guy a bit better. She’ll also there to comfort you when you had to witness yet another fight between those two. Whilst she is someone who tries to solve things in a non-violent way, she tends to lose her temper too, grabbing both of them by their collars and shaking them whilst shouting at them to stop acting like complete idiots. Does anyone of those want to make you feel scared of them? Good grief.

🍜💙🌸This will never be a picture-perfect relationship, not with Sasuke in here. It will get overtime better though since Naruto and Sasuke will somewhat learn to co-exist next to each other and share with each other which will have you and Sakura let a sigh of relief out. The only thing they have to work on now is somehow helping Naruto and Sasuke to not get a bit too messy. Sakura is due to being a medic not that willing to kill unless something serious happened. Naruto possesses a few boundaries, but it is still too easy to set him off. And Sasuke definitely earns the first place. He’s paranoid, even more since he has to share his darling already and doesn’t want any other trailing after them.

🍜💙🌸It also makes him want to isolate his darling a bit more which is not okay with the other two. Sasuke isn’t really comfortable with with going outside with his darling, he is more on edge, especially when in public. He doesn’t have anything against a short walk outside in nature, but when he has to go under humans he tends to keep his darling closer to him. This isn’t that terrible of a case with Naruto and Sakura. They are just on the jealous side, but not that paranoid like Sasuke is. In short, there will always be things that will require long discussions and fights until for the time being a solution is found.

[gamefaq]

your gifs are amazing oh my gosh!! do you have a tutorial or anything on how you make them??? <3

thank you so much!! i don't have a tutorial per say but i can go through my process which is kind of like a tutorial? i'll be going through how to make this:

RECORDING:

for recording i use NVIDIA GeForce which came with my pc i'm not sure if it's something you can just download? otherwise i use OBS but it's rare that i do, it's only really for when i have a game that isn't supported by NVIDIA but it's not bad to use by all means. i just personally think NVIDIA is a bit easier to get to grips with and if i'm using a youtube video then i use y2mate.com

for my more recent gifsets i've been using a lot of console commands to get rid of the HUD and also to no clip for example to get closer to something you wouldn't normally be able to in game or just to have some more fun camera angles. pretty much every game to my knowledge has console commands and the commands stay very consistent. i won't go into it too much since it's not really the main focus of the ask but there's a lot of information online about it and it's very simple to set up

(i’d say if you’re going to use console commands then wait until you’ve beaten the game if possible because console commands negate getting achievements)

MAKING:

to actually get started i use a perfectly legal version of photoshop that i'd be happy to provide so that you don't waste money on the rip off subscription adobe has

and the very first step is to go to file > import > video frames to layers to load up your recording. a window will pop up with your video and here you can crop to a specific section by using the sliders highlighted or put the entire thing into a file (though it's noted theres a 500 frame limit, you'll never need that many frames)

once you've imported your video it should look like this. if you don't have the timeline bar at the bottom then not to worry! go to window > timeline and make sure it's a timeline animation

here is where you'll size down your gif to suit tumblr's post sizing. i think everyone does this part a little different but what i do first if necessary to your project is cropping. cropping is entirely up to you and how you want your gif to look. for this particular example i won't do too much aside from crop some of the floor out but sometimes i adjust the canvas size (image > canvas size) so that the cropping's more even because it's hard to judge by eye

(edit while i’m going through this: sometimes i make a new file in the size i want my gif to be and overlay that white default layer onto my gif so i can get a good look at where exactly my gif will be cropped. i hope that makes sense? but it’s just a visual aid rather than a requirement so don’t worry if it doesn’t omg)

now to actually resize it with image > image size and here's probably my biggest advice. so i'm going to resize it so that the height is 300 and then crop the sides to 540 afterwards. but what i'm actually going to type is 302 and hit ok

due to the fact photoshop works with pixels, resizing leaves this weird transparent border that just doesn't really look that nice as a gif (or in general for that matter)

so to get rid of this and also change our width to 540 (tumblr's post dimension) i'm using canvas size

so great! now your gif is cropped, resized and ready to be edited! to prep it for editing, go to what looks like a stack of lines on top of each other on the timeline bar and convert to video timeline

EDITING:

your timeline now looks like a bit of a mess, but it's okay we're going to fix that. select all of your frames in the layers on the right hand size and go to filter > convert to smart filter. this will flatten out your frames into one singular layer which both neatens up the place and makes it so that anything you do to these frames now will happen across all of them instead of just one! if that makes sense? if not hopefully it will as we continue on

the next step is sharpening, to do this go to filter > sharpen > smart sharpen and these are my settings. sometimes i switch in between 0.3 and 0.4 depending on what i'm giffing so experiment with both and see what looks better!

i then duplicate the frames (right click, duplicate layer) and going to filter > blur > gaussian blur. this isn't necessary by all means and not everybody likes to do this, i just personally do and these are my settings

by double clicking on what looks like two lines with two triangles next to where it says "gaussian blur" on the layer, i change the blur opacity to 60 and the overall opacity of the layer to 40%. this is something you can also experiment with for example i used to use 85 and 60%

COLOURING:

the final step is colouring and there's two ways of going about this really, you can either use psds where there's plenty to find on tumblr which imo is perfectly fine to use and have done it myself, sometimes i'm not in the mood to colour. or you can colour from scratch which for the sake of this explanation i will

all of these adjustments are now your best friend. what i'd say really is go a bit hog wild and experiment and see what all these different things do but i would recommend at least using curves and levels.

i don't really know how to explain this other than "move the sliders around like wheee until you think it looks nice"

i'm not going to do too many adjustments just to save some time but here's what i've ended up with (i also would just suggest putting all your layers into a folder to declutter your layers a little). i usually use a lot more layers but there’s also nothing wrong with only having 4 adjustment layers either, sometimes simple is better

(another edit: that layer 501 is just some brush tool to erase some of the ground because it looked weird, it’s not an actual adjustment layer. just in case that caused some confusion!)

and i'll just show the difference between no colouring and with colouring and why it's an important step:

(without colouring)

(with colouring)

an optional final step before we go onto exporting, if you didn't trim the clip you wanted when you first loaded in your frames you can do that step now with the video timeline. just simply drag the work area bar to where you want it (and you can zoom into your timeline bar by using the slider in the bottom left for more accurate cropping) you might also need to use this regardless if your gif ends up being too beefy in mb which we'll get into in a second

so it's time to export after the more realistic hours of recording, cropping, colouring and what have you! go to file > save for web (NOT save as or export) and a big boy window will come up. it might look a little daunting but we're really only paying attention to a few things.

it's been a bit iffy on what the actual gif limit is on tumblr at the minute but the safest bet is to aim around 3mb (but it's okay to go over, i think the max i've done is 6mb) and if it's incredibly large such as 20mb it could be your colouring or your frame count. maybe adjust a couple of things. i think white and blue can make gifs particularly beefy? but i'm not sure. and black makes gifs less beefy which is why my example is only 1mb.

then you want to click save instead of done and save it to wherever you like it to be, and you're basically done! if you want to do an extra step however which is something i've only recently started to do myself, is load up the gif file you just saved by simply going to file > open

you'll notice it's automatically switched back to a frame timeline which is fine for us, select all the frames with selecting those stack of lines again > select all frames. without accidentally clicking off the selecting click on any of the triangles in the frames in the bottom right and then other to manually change the delay of which the frames will play

for whatever reason gifs will save a little slower than what the original video was so sometimes it just makes things look a little smoother. don't change it too much though, just going from 0.3 to 0.2 is enough!

just to show, here’s the difference between 0.03 and 0.02

(0.03)

(0.02)

export just like you had before by saving for web and that’s it! you’re done! you’ve made a gif! i hope this was a good enough run through of the process because i feel like i definitely didn’t explain some things the best or i maybe skipped over some things, so if there’s any confusion please don’t hesitate to message me! i hoped you enjoyed reading either way :)

[riskeith]

ooo! how was playing? what do you think about the event? i’m really enjoying it actually... always nice getting new daily things to do hehe.

yeah i think everyone knows The Cover now. i still can’t believe they did that... not complaining tho... oh really? you’re absolutely right and judging by the way they’re taking the story it seems like those two will have a lot more growth to their relationship. who knows maybe we’ll even get a part where bakugou apologizes or even talks about their past etc. one can only wish. YEAH i’ve seen both the movies and i love them!! they’re super fun and such a nice break from everything that happens in the anime sjskjssk kiribaku in the first one was so gay i.... we get it boys y’all in love fhjsjdjfk (THE SIDEWAYS TODOBAKU SMILE... one of my favorite moments ever) i am all caught up now.. waiting for s5... :(

no clue!! it’s just my theory so it might be wrong. the blue one was cute too so was the pink one.... they’re all cute why do we have to pick just one :( HEY you do know how to draw 😡 pretty amazingly too! but i’d love to see that in your style chongyun is so precious.. <3

omg i gotta hustle hard for AR 35 then i already miss him. i’m at 26 now and god.. it’s getting more and more difficult i can’t imagine how it is at like 45... 😭

oooooh!!! honestly barbara healing is godsent if you don’t get him you should consider it (hopefully you do though!!) IVE SEEN VIDEOS OF OCEANID AND HE LOOKS SO SCARY CLUNA.... no thoughts head empty only boy scouts party. looking at others with amazing parties: ok but do you have boy scouts party?

i mostly have sword users! but like i mentioned i’m starting to fall in love with book users (and even bow users) shskfhdkd so i might consider investing in those some day idk they just shoot of attacks and it’s so sexy. no hands dirty. ningguang seems so op 😭 plus geo is so nice!! like an all around element.

HE’S TALL? he has a short person voice...

i’m making a twitter i wanna see some fluff 😭 wait really? even this fandom is shit? why 😭 i sometimes see yt comments and the thing i’m iffy about is how people talk about spending money on it etc but is there more?

i’ve never heard anyone do that that’s so interesting!!!! do you write it down in the same doc and then delete it or do you write it separately?

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!!! i’ve had so many ideas come to me before bed and i always think that i’m gonna remember them but i never do it makes me so upset. especially if it’s an idea of how to continue a story i’m stuck with... god it’s the worse. writer things 🤪

“stan loona” aka bane of my existence. i don’t usually tell ppl i used to stan because of that reason sksksj. god that was the worst sheesh. anyway. yelling at ALL of these!!! ofc i know daddy issues slowed!!!!!!!!! it’s like one of the most popular slowed songs we’re all just a sad horny bunch loving sexy vibes huh. i listen to slowed songs a lot when i write actually it sets the mood. it doesn’t even have to be anything racy sometimes it’s just calms you down. do you listen to music while you write? also i don’t listen to any of those you mentioned except troye 😭 i’m sorry 😭 but if you’re have recs i’d love to hear them ofc!!

“after school” time that’s so cute. it reminds me of when you’re younger and you run back home and eat a snack and watch cartoon (i say that as both of us still watch cartoons... yee) speaking of crying; would you consider yourself a crybaby? (such a random question hskshdjdfhhd)

before i leave; let me blow your mind with a little something... https://twitter.com/primo_fates/status/1347780975078506496?s=21

hehe... mwah. ;)

it was good!! i tried to get some ominous masks and weathered arrows, but drop rates are always shit lolll. and i think the event is alright! i don’t love it but yeah as you said it’s fun to have something more to do every day.

ikr omg... it’s such a good cover LMAO. omg a bakugou apology 😩😩. what did you think of deku vs kacchan part 2?? i regularly rewatch clips of it and cry LMAOOO god bakugou.. “why did i become the reason for all might’s end?” heart broken wow. NICE!! yeah i remember everyone freaking out over the kiribaku scenes in the first one and honestly,,,, how else do you explain it LMAO. (AND THAT SIDEWAYS SMILE!!! holy shit i watched the movie like the day after i got into todobaku and that scene obliterated me.... absolutely destroyed!) aw nice! but yeah now it’s just the waiting game i guess lol welcome to the club 🤪

IKR??? i saw the “once you pick one the others are gone” and i was just nooooooooooo whyyyy. you can’t give us all these options then don’t actually give us an option 😭 AHAHA thank u but i always joke that i can only draw well like once every 10 tries so... yeahhh we shall see! i have this thing envisioned in my mind but i am unable to execute it fskhfkdsjfs

yeah omg when i reached 45 i was like “wow i’m gonna have to do the ascension quest soon” but it’s taking me so long to reach ar 46??? yikes how am i meant to get the experience with no quests fkhdsfkjsd

i use barbara a lot in the fire domains and with the pyro regisvine!! it’s kinda funny that i’m bringing a level 40 into a level 70+ fight LOL but yeah she’s good! AND YEAHHH OCEANID LEGIT GIVES ME NIGHTMARES I JUST. as soon as i had an actual team that could beat it i grinded it as much as i could before my world level went up and it became impossible again.... but since mine might go up again soon maybe i should grind some more... and maybe i’ll be able to level up both xingqiu and barbara lol. EXACTLY!! can they pls interact in game somehow omg.. we need a bennett story!! and more razor!!!! and chongyun too!! i forgot he hasn’t actually appeared in game hfsdkjfds. and ofc xingqiu <3

fdfjlsjfs are you gonna go from a no long range team to an only long range team ahahah. and you like geo??? omg no... i hate it bc it’s so like. inert FHKDJFSD. but i guess the shields are really nice!

HE’S 172 CM!!!!! he has a baby face too so it’s pretty wild fhskdjds

ooo wdym how they talk about spending money? i don’t really look at youtube comments tbh lol. and i haven’t really seen people talk about spending money much on twitter? tho some content creators i follow open commissions for money for the gacha fhsdfksj. if you do end up joining genshintwt i hope you have fun!! 

same doc and then i delete! but sometimes if the plan is really long i’ll make a new doc so i can see both at the same time (but recently i’ve just been opening the same doc again so i can see both that way lol). do your dotpoints go into the same doc as your writing one?

LMAOOO yeah i’m always like “hnghhh okay it’s fine.. i will Remember... trust myself” and then i never do and it’s just like welp goodbye to that amazing idea. but also bc it was thought up at such a weird time maybe it isn’t actually that good after all LOL

oh nice!! yeah slowed songs are soooo good. and i usually do listen to music! it’ll depend on what i’m writing bc i like the songs to have a similar vibe, but sometimes it’s too distracting so i put on lofi or something so there are no words ahaha. oh rippp LOL! hmm well badlands by halsey was my klance/voltron album writing soundtrack for a really long time.. i wrote a few fics with that in the background i think! melanie martinez’ k-12 album has a whole free movie to go with it! if you wanna check that out. bastille’s pompeii was really popular but i also really like flaws and of the night from them.. a lot of these are older bc i don’t listen to new stuff fhsdfkjds. and hmm pentatonix (they’re an acapella group!) do a lot of covers so maybe you can find one of a song you like and check them out that way? ahah that’s a lot feel free to not listen to any!! no stress at all lmao

oh fun fact melanie has a idk what to call it character? and song called ‘crybaby’! so very coincidental you asked. but yeah i think i am? LMAOOO like if i’m alone in my room watching something and it’s sad i Will Not hesitate to cry.. like sometimes you just gotta get it out you know? and sometimes maybe it’s a little boy singing a korean cover of colours of the wind but it’s so ethereal you just burst into tears but that’s fine! FHDSKJFHDSFKJS. how about you?

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD!! i legit. my jaw is dropped. i. oh my god 😭😭😭😭😭😭 FHSJFKHSKDJF1!!!! 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is so atmospheric and cosy and warm 😭😭😭 i can go at peace now.. fhskfhdsjf

thank you always!! - c.r. xoxo

[alexialockhartx]

MC INTERVIEW || Alexia Lockhart

Thank you for tagging me @kyril-hphm 💖 My writing is a bit rusty, but I hope it’s bearable! Long post ahead! (¯∇¯٥)

✦ ✦ ✦

It was a typical afternoon in the Slytherin Common Room. Buzzing with activity, a bunch of students were in groups, mostly talking, laughing, and studying. It took a while, but the interviewer finally spotted Alexia, who was chatting with a familiar face that you’d see in the quidditch stands. The interviewer was quite relieved when they had already finished talking and bid their goodbyes. They then approached her quickly to get ahold of her.

“Oh, hello there! Hmm? An interview you say? I guess I can answer a few questions.”

✦ ✦ ✦

INTERVIEW

What’s your Name? ➔ "Alexia Blythe Lockhart.“ She smiled. “Although I’ve already gotten used to people asking me about my brother because of the surname, there are some who also mention this Gilderoy guy. Apparently he’s some renowned author? He seems pretty iffy though. ”

Are you single? ➔ "Oh wow… we’re already going for the hard-hitting questions, huh? It’s uh… a bit complicated.“

Are you happy? ➔ "Like right now? Sure, yeah... I suppose.”

Are you angry? ➔ “Not at the moment...” She said as she’s staring intently at the interviewer.

…Sorry! Are your parents still married? ➔ “What kind of question is that? Of course they are! Even though they’re both busy with their work, they’re as loving as can be.”

✦ ✦ ✦

NINE FACTS

birthplace ➔ “I can’t pinpoint exactly where… My family were travelling a lot at that time. But… I do recall it was ‘somewhere romantic’, as my Dad would tell me.”

hair color ➔ “Well, what do you think?” She gave her hair a little flip. “Mum’s side usually has flowy white hair.”

eye color ➔ "Black. Though Dad would like to describe it as Onyx. I got from him after all.“ She let out a slight chuckle. “Plus it’s a nice contrast to my hair, don’t you agree?”

birthday ➔ "The 11th of November. It’s pretty easy enough to remember if I say so myself. Eleven-eleven… Or four pocky sticks!”

mood ➔ “Uhmm… it depends?”

gender ➔ "Female.“

summer or winter ➔ “Hmmm… I like the winter. I get to do all those cool activities like snuggling near the fireplace, admiring the snowfall, and the snowmen battles. But! In summer, I get to see a lot of flowers bloom in the field and everything is so warm and colorful.”

morning or afternoon ➔ “Mornings! I tend to wander around the Courtyard or stroll along the Black Lake. Afternoons usually make me really sleepy for some reason.”

✦ ✦ ✦

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

“Oh boy… here we go again.”

are you in love ➔ "Well…“ She looks down, blushing hard with her hand over face. “Yes.”

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “Not really? I think it’s more of attraction.”

who ended your last relationship ➔ “…”

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔  “Gosh… I hope haven’t.”

are you afraid of commitments ➔ “Not really. Just… afraid of being with the wrong person.”

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ "Uhmmm… yes! I hug my friends a lot. Unless… you were talking about a different kind of hug?“

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “Maybe? They’re a secret for a reason.”

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “…”

The interviewer noticed Alexia was getting tense and kept looking away when answering the questions, so they decided to give her a breather.

✦ ✦ ✦

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ “Love, love, love! For yourself and for others too.”

lemonade or iced tea ➔ "Iced tea, preferably lemon.“

cats or dogs ➔ "Can I say both? A lot of people make it a big deal that you can only choose ONE between them when we all know BOTH are great!” "Oh sorry! I git a bit carried away there.”

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “A few best friends. Close-knit relationships means having deep trust and understanding with people you care about... I think everyone needs people like that in there lives.”

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “Oh! Uhmm… Romantic night ins.” A slight blush creeped on her cheeks. “It feels really intimate, ‘ya know?”

day or night ➔ "Night. As much as I love the day, there’s just something that feels magical during night time.“

✦ ✦ ✦

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ “Only once… But I’ve mostly been very stealthy.” :3c

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ "I may have fallen... a few times. It’s a bit silly but the last time I fell down was when when I got too excited upon seeing Mu—uhh… a friend of mine since he was gonna teach me more about Wizard's Chess. Luckily I ended tumbling down by only a few steps. ‘Twas nothing that good ol’ Episkey couldn’t fix though, thankfully.“

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ "Uh… n-nothing comes to mind.”

do you wish to be invisible? ➔ "Well… If I stand really still…“

✦ ✦ ✦

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ "You can tell a lot about a person by their eyes. The way they glance, stare, light up, the intensity… Oh! Whoopsie, I think I kinda drifted off there.”

shorter or taller ➔ "Taller!“

intelligence or attraction ➔ "I guess attraction? And I guess you can be attracted to their intelligence too. Wait… am I misunderstanding the question?”

hook-up or relationship ➔ "I’d… very much like a relationship.“

✦ ✦ ✦

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ "Oh yes! I love spending time with them, especially with my parents since they aren’t home often. Sadly, I can’t say the same to some of my extended family.”

would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “Huh… I don’t really dwell much on it. But Jake’s disappearance definitely didn’t make things better.”

have you ever run away from home ➔ "If you count running off every time I see anything interesting, then sure.“

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ "Nope.”

✦ ✦ ✦

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ "No? I don’t think I’d be friends with them if I did.“

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔  "I’d believe so, yes. Although, some of them may be a bit misguided but have good intentions.” Alexia paused and hesitates for a while. “Sometimes… I wonder if they’d still befriend me even if I wasn’t doing this cursebreaker thing.”

who is your best friend ➔ "Surprisingly enough… I have more than one! Rowan, Penny, Barnaby, and heck, even Jae. I really appreciate that they're a part of my life. They make it more colorful, and I hope I do too to theirs as well.“

who knows everything about you ➔ "I don’t think anyone really knows, not even myself. Though… I do share a lot to my bestfriends and also to Bill! He’s like a big brother to me, always having a listening ear, no matter what they’re about.”

The interviewer then gestures that the interview has ended. “Oh is that all the questions then? Well… cheers. I hope you got the answers you were looking for. Seeya!” Alexia said to the interviewer, beaming and waved them goodbye.

✦ ✦ ✦

If you’ve gone this far already, you are tagged!

[spanishskulduggery]

what's the difference between preterite and imperfect tense?

Ex: supiste and sabía

Recently I’ve been discussing it a lot so I’ll link to some helpful posts I’ve done in the past for a more detailed explanation of preterite and imperfect just in general:

A Linguistic Perspective on the Spanish Past

More in-depth explanation of imperfect

Using soler

The simple answer is that linguistically, the imperfect tense means “actions not yet completed”. It’s something that “was happening” or “used to happen” and is used widely for unspecified times, narration, telling time, things that used to happen but might not still be happening, and things that have no clear end point.

There are also some phrases that usually use the imperfect tense; they tend to be phrases implying vagueness or ambiguity.

Preterite is the simple past [in Spanish it’s el pretérito indefinido which is kind of a confusing term so I avoid using it].

Preterite is used for actions that were definitely completed, have clear end points, happen in specific or set periods of time, and they can be actions that were completed many times or just once.

Expressions that are a dead giveaway for preterite are things like specific times and dates.

In general, imperfect sets the scene and preterite describes what happens. Imperfect is often used as setting up a premise but by itself it reads as purely descriptive (usually) which leads the reader to believe that something will happen and punctuate it or something will interrupt it. That interruption is preterite.

Note: They aren’t ALWAYS phrased like that it’s not ALWAYS this way, but it’s a good way to start to make a distinction.

To put it a different way… dormía cuando sonó el teléfono “I was sleeping when the phone rang”, which is a clear set up and interruption.

If you said dormía y sonaba el teléfono in all imperfect it reads as “I was sleeping and the phone was ringing” which implies an uninterrupted action, aka the phone ringing didn’t wake anyone up.

Most narration and description of weather or time is done in imperfect except when talking about specific times and dates.

Imperfect implies something might be ongoing, preterite implies that it has a clear stopping point and is likely over: llovía “it was raining/it used to rain” vs. llovió “it rained”

For your question about saber…

There are some verbs that change meaning when they’re in either preterite or imperfect. That sounds strange in English but it does make a kind of sense in Spanish.

There are just some verbs where preterite implies a single crystallized moment, which can imply a specific moment or a specific realization, rather than something gradual.

The verbs that you have to watch out for because they change meaning in preterite vs imperfect are:

saber

conocer

querer

no querer

poder

tener

tener is the really strange one here because it has more idiomatic uses so it’s a little harder to nail down exactly. Put simply, tener in past tense is usually in imperfect. When it’s in preterite, it usually means “obtained” or “got”. When you’re talking about its different idiomatic expressions, it usually becomes that preterite “completed action” or “crystallized moment” kind of thing:

Lo tenía = I had it. [meaning “I already had it with me”]

Lo tuve. = I got it. [meaning “at that moment I obtained/had it”]

Since tener means “to have”, the imperfect is more nebulous so it’s saying that someone “had” something already in their possession. And in preterite, it’s that exact moment someone “got” it.

For the idiomatic expressions it’s a little harder to translate the feeling in English:

Tenía hambre. = I was hungry. [setting the scene, background info]

Tuve hambre. = I was hungry (at that specific point). [could be “I got hungry” but depends on context]

Another weird one is tener X años like:

Tenía 18 (años). = I was 18 (years old). [most common]

Tuve 18. = I turned 18. [contextually okay but not as common in general]

For “I turned (an age)” it’s more common to see cumplir which is “to fulfill/to turn” which is where you get cumpleaños “birthday” which is literally “fulfill-years”. So I would more likely say al cumplir los 18 años “once I turned 18″, or cumplí 18 en agosto “I turned 18 in August” or something.

**Also weird are ser and estar. They follow the same distinction of “was/used to” and “definitely happened” but it can be harder to gauge when you want to use one or the other when talking about people. The hard thing is that usually both options are technically correct but have some nuances. I personally tend to use imperfect more often for both, and preterite for very specific and concrete moments.

Anyways. The other ones are a little more cut and dry.

saber is knowing facts, so keep in mind that whole “crystallized moment” concept:

Sabía la respuesta. = I knew the answer.

Supe la respuesta. = I found out the answer.

Imperfect has no clear beginning or end. So in the sense of “to know” it means “I had the knowledge already in my head”.

Preterite marks a completed action or a crystallized moment so to speak, so it becomes “(the exact moment) I learned/knew”, which gets translated as “found out” or “discovered”.

When someone already possesses knowledge it’s lo sabía. But if someone is finding something out or learning it, at that moment lo supo “he/she found out”.

Same kind of idea with conocer but a little more particular.

You see conocer used as “to know people/places” more than likely so it reads as:

Lo conocía. = I knew him. / I used to know him.La conocía. = I knew her. / I used to know her.

Lo conocí. = I met him.La conocí. = I met her.

Again, imperfect implies no real start or stop. It could be that it continues into the future, or maybe not. Hence it could be “I knew him” as a general description, or a “I used to know him” which is the “may or may not be continuing” part of imperfect.

Preterite marks that crystallized moment of “knowing” someone, so it gets translated as “to meet” in these situations. It could be understood as “to become acquainted” in a way.

Although conocer can also be used as “to have an intimate knowledge of a concept” but same general rules apply; imperfect is “I had a grasp on the subject” and preterite would be “I gained an understanding of the subject” more or less.

querer and no querer are related, and ignoring the secondary meaning of “to love” which is often done in imperfect unless it’s very much over…

querer means “to want” and no querer means “to not want”

Most of the time you want imperfect when querer and no querer show up, because that’s “to want” and “to not want”. Preterite translates a bit differently.

Quería hablar. = I wanted to talk.No quería hablar. = I didn’t want to talk.

Quise hablar. = I tried to speak. / I attempted to speak.No quise hablar. = I refused to speak. / I decided not to speak.

Imperfect is more like a passive “want” or “not want” which is why you normally want it. The other two translate differently so they’re not ALWAYS what you would want to use.

Preterite querer is a crystallized moment of “want” so it becomes “attempt” where you try to put a desire into action.

no querer is the same just in negative so “not want” becomes a desire into action as “refuse”

They can also be translated as “to be in the mood / not be in the mood” at specific times like… quise hablar contigo ayer “I wanted/tried/was in the mood to talk to you yesterday” or no quise hablar contigo ayer “I didn’t want to talk to you yesterday” or “I was in no mood to talk to you yesterday”

querer can be a little iffy, but in preterite it’s more of an active attempt or denial/refusal of something.

Quería entrar. = I wanted to enter. [passive mood]Quise entrar = I tried to enter. [active attempt]

No quería entrar. = I didn’t want to go in. [passive mood]No quise hablar. = I refused to go in. [active denial]

And poder is a little more like querer in that imperfect is usually what you want.

This is a little more straightforward but it takes some mental acrobatics to get it.

poder is “to be able to”, and no poder is “to not be able to”

Imperfect is that underlying mood/condition sort of thing. And preterite is an active kind of… action for lack of a better word, it puts a feeling into action.

Podía abrir la ventana. = I was able to open the window. / I could open the window.Pude abrir la ventana. = I managed to get the window open. / I could open the window.

No podía abrir la ventana. = I didn’t have the ability to open the window. / I couldn’t open the window.No pude abrir la ventana. = I failed to open the window. / I couldn’t open the window

With imperfect tense, poder is like “stored energy”. It’s the ability you have or don’t have. It’s whether you “are able” or “are unable” to do something as part of your passive ability or “potential” [since that is linguistically related to poder]

The preterite is putting that into action, so in positive it comes out as “to manage to / to successfully (do something)”, while in negative it comes out as “I failed to / I was unsuccessful in (doing something)”

I use the window example because in general everyone podía abrir la ventana like we should all technically have that ability… whether we act on it or not.

But putting it into action, everyone pudo abrirla “managed to open it” or no pudo abrirla “didn’t manage to open it”. This implies that someone actually tried to and was successful, or failed to.

Another way to phrase it is podía/no podía would seem to be a comment on your natural ability and strength [el poder is also “power” or “might”] and other innate factors. And preterite pudo/no pudo would seem to be your results once you tried to do it.

It takes some thinking but it’s actually very logical, sort of. English is very vague in a lot of these examples, but in Spanish it’s a more particular thing. The past in English is very nebulous partly because we don’t use so many different conjugations so everything kind of merges together, but we also don’t have a clear distinction between what would be preterite or imperfect.

It takes some practice to know which you’re supposed to use when.

[parrishes-writes]

smutty alphabet: genevieve

Smutty alphabet for my main OC, Genevieve. @ocelotsflatass I had to do this because I was FILLED WITH A MIGHTY NEED

Answers under the cut! 

A - Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Depends on the kind of sex that was had. If it’s pretty... normal, for lack of a better word, she’ll probably just... rest or curl up next to you, or doze off lightly. If it’s... intense, she’ll clean you up, ask you what you need, and cuddle with you--she’ll bring you food, put on your favorite movie, show, read you your favorite book, whatever helps you decompress and unwind. If she’s the one who needs aftercare, it usually consists of cleaning her up, taking a nap with her, showering, and then some of her favorite food + something stupid to watch. 

B - Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Viv is, on the whole, very pretty, but her favorite body part of her own are her eyes. They’re highly expressive and a very dark blue, which makes them stand out, because she’s overall pretty fair-skinned. 

As for her partner... it depends on the partner. Viv is bisexual and her preferences change depending on the person, so... for a woman, it’s primarily her face, but their whole body is appreciated, and Viv will make damn sure her female partner knows it. On a man, Viv likes good bone structure and height. Long hair and beards are not required, but are a definite bonus. Was into lumberjacks before they were cool. 

C - Cum (anything to do with cum) Not a huge fan of men finishing on her face or chest, especially if they don’t clear it with her beforehand, but doesn’t really mind them finishing inside her (protection will be used) or in her mouth. For women, if you squirt, she’ll be a) impressed, and b) turned on. Unless your relationship is legitimately serious, if you’re a dude, condom stays on, no exceptions. Viv will 100% ask you about your STD history, even if it kills the mood. 

As for Viv herself... she can squirt, but it’s rare, and it usually only happens when she’s purposefully being overstimulated. 

D - Dirty Secret Viv has a few kinks that she’s a little embarrassed by, not because they’re gross, but because they kind of go against the image she presents to the world, and she feels like she’d have to turn in some of her feminist street cred. 

E - Experienced (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Viv has had multiple partners over the course of her sexual history, and she made it her business to learn from each one. Although she considers the concept of being “good” or “bad” in bed to be somewhat arbitrary, and not the point of sexual intimacy... she’s good in bed, and knows what she’s doing. She’s very receptive to you and your wants and needs--sex is one of the few places where she’s good at taking directions from another person. 

F - Favorite Position Cowgirl, or any position where she’s on top, really. She can get a little iffy about missionary because it can quickly start to feel claustrophobic or smothering, but for the most part she just likes to be in charge, watching her partner as she rides them, uses her fingers...

Strangely enough, though, she actually quite likes getting it from behind, and it’s one of her deepest darkest secrets. There’s a part of her that likes to be at a... disadvantage, shall we say, but it does take a lot of trust for her to be able to get to this point with a partner. It’s also a position that feels good for her and hits all the right spots, but depending on the size of the dick/penetrating object, she might not prefer to start off this way. 

G - Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.?)

Normally she’s pretty serious, because Viv only likes to play games when the right mood strikes her, and when that mood does hit it’s always to the... frustration... of her partner. It’s a sign of how far she’s progressed with a significant other that she can chuckle or laugh when they’re in the heat of the moment. 

H - Hot Spots (a place that drives them crazy when touched) Her butt and her hips are particularly sensitive, as is her lower back. Using your nails to scrape ever-so-lightly down her ass is a surefire way to get her to shiver. Her neck is also a go-to area. Nipping it is a good way to get her hot and bothered. 

I - Intimacy (how are they in the moment, romantically?) It depends on how emotionally intimate she is with the partner. Viv does not frequently engage in casual sex, but has done so in the past--those encounters were not what she would call romantic or intimate. Expect a lot of deep, slow kisses and lingering touches if she’s truly into you. 

J - Jack Off (masturbation headcanon) Doesn’t have a problem with doing so while single, but isn’t necessarily inclined to masturbate if she’s in a relationship with someone... unless it’s on purpose. Then it’s a whole other story. 

K - Kink (one or more of their kinks) She doesn’t like to go full dom/sub, but Viv is more than happy to either be in charge of you or, depending on the person, have you take charge of her--she does have a bit of a thing for being bossed around. If she really trusts you, she’d be willing to have you tie her up or blindfold her, and do the same to you. 

Some of her other kinks are edging/orgasm delay, overstimulation, hair pulling, biting, holding her in one position/controlling her movements, a little bit of voyeurism and exhibitionism... 

L - Location (favorite place to do the do) Genevieve isn’t picky. She’ll get it on with you wherever, as long as you’re not interrupted, because she does hate it when that happens. Viv will absolutely start riding you on the sofa, stretch out on the bed, or go along with you if you want to bend her over the kitchen table. She’s down. 

M - Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going?) Letting you be you is usually enough for her, but watching you do something you’re good at or passionate about can get her up and running. Seeing you get really into something is a turn-on, especially if you’re kind of mad, or want to fight (somebody else, not her). For Viv herself, being stressed or anxious can make her instigate a sexual encounter--pounding the bad feelings out of her usually works for a bit. 

N - No (something they won’t do, turn offs) Keep your excrement far, far away from her. She’s not a fan of rape fantasies or roleplays, and will not do them under any circumstances, even dubcon. Viv doesn’t like being hit during sex aside from maybe some light and/or brief spanking and, unless agreed upon prior, she will not consent to being hit with an implement. Lactation kinks are a hard no. Also, don’t ask her to do dd/lg stuff, because it’s gross. Professor/student, however, is on the table, so to speak. 

General turn offs? Rudeness, derogatory language that is out of line or out of place for the situation, switching things up without asking or telling her. She’s usually pretty okay with most stuff a partner might ask, but don’t just flip her over and start calling her a whore, or talking about her holes (yuck), because it won’t fly. Try to at least be present with her, because she hates to feel like she’s just being fucked. Sex should involve mutuality. 

O - Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) Viv will gladly give you oral, and will absolutely delight in making you delirious with pleasure, but she does have a slight preference for receiving oral from her partner. 

It doesn’t mean that she won’t return the favor to the best of her considerable skill, but something about the sight of your head between her thighs, especially if she’s on her back, just makes her ache and melt. If you’re using your mouth to edge her or overstimulate her, you can bet she’s going to go off like a rocket when you finally let her come.

If she’s giving you oral, pull her hair close to the scalp. Don’t yank, but definitely tug it, run your fingers through it. She loves that. Run your finger over her lips. She loves that too. 

P - Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?) She’ll do either; it depends on the round at hand. She can lean towards fast, though not necessarily rough, because she can get needy and impatient. Viv recognizes the perks of a measured pace, but it’ll be up to her partner to enforce it because Viv will just go for it, if she’s not making a deliberate point out of the slowness in order to tease her partner. 

Q - Quickie (their opinion on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc) Not necessarily opposed, but she would prefer to be able to take her time. Quickies have their uses, but... overall, meh. 

R - Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks, etc?)  For Viv, the only risks that she won’t take are ones that could seriously jeopardize either her job or her sense of security--sex at work, for example, is not happening, even though the risk is what makes it fun. Certain roleplays are off limits because they make her nervous or she finds them gross, even if trust is a key component of them; they’re still not happening. She’s pretty open to try new things, but it takes a while to get to that point, because she has to really trust that a partner will respect her limits and boundaries. 

S - Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)  Viv can go for quite a few rounds, but her stamina is that of a normal human’s compared to, say, Dante’s. She comes quickly, but also recovers quickly, which are the primary two reasons why edging and overstimulation are two of her kinks--forcing her to hold off an orgasm or forcing her to come three or four (or more) times in a row sort of equalizes things. 

T - Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or on themselves?) Overall she prefers to use her own body, but she does own toys because sometimes fingers and mouths can’t quite do it all, especially on a same-sex partner. She doesn’t own many, though, and the ones she does own are extremely discreet. 

Viv would absolutely be willing to, and did, use toys on a partner. Her partner also used them on her--she has a preference for vibrators that can stimulate both the clit and the g-spot, and for ones where the partner can control the setting remotely. She’ll sometimes like a plug in her rear, but rarely. 

U - Unfair (how much do they like to tease?) Oh god, she’s the worst. She loves it. She’ll tease you in ways you never even dreamed possible, both in the buildup and the foreplay and the acts themselves, and even when she’s giving you what you want she’s still teasing you. Viv is literally the worst when it comes to teasing, but give her a taste of her own medicine; she’ll love it. She’ll bitch, but she’ll love it. 

V - Volume (how loud are they? what sounds do they make?) For the most part Viv is pretty quiet--Dante, for example, can turn it into a game where the goal is to get her to let loose and moan or scream or cry out with abandon. The quietness is mostly just out of habit, but some partners have taken it as a indicator that she wasn’t enjoying herself, which wasn’t the case at all. 

Viv isn’t a big talker during sex, aside from curses and dirty talk, and doesn’t really like a lot of talking from her partners either--but if she’s really into you she won’t necessarily mind you telling her you love her, or something similar though. Don’t be sappy, though. Calling her “my love” is a surefire to piss her off. 

W - Wild Card  Viv is secretly a little embarrassed because some of her particular likes make her feel like she needs to turn in some of her feminist cred. She has a Type with men--long hair, beard, way larger than her (Dante, coincidentally, hits all those buttons), a bit older--and has a desire that she has consciously chosen not to articulate to be somewhat dominated by a man of said type. She’s bossy and likes to be in charge, but that doesn’t change the fact that she secretly kind of wants her male partner to be in control some of the time. 

X - X-Ray (what’s going on underneath those clothes) A slender, rather petite frame, but still adequately curvy. Viv actively tries to keep herself in shape and exercises, even though just running around during the day tires her out; she makes it a point to eat well. She doesn’t have a huge chest, but chest size is relative to frame, and her boobs can stick out a bit. Her butt is also quite nice. She doesn’t have a huge ass, but it’s appropriately perky, and looks amazing in high-waisted jeans. 

Viv’s a little insecure about her hips and thighs, because she thinks she has violin hips (she does, a little bit) and that she has thick thighs compared to the rest of her (not really, her inner thighs are just very soft). But overall she’s beautiful, and any insecurities are just that--insecurities. No one would ever look at her and think she has any reason to feel self-conscious. 

Y - Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)  Average to a bit higher than average--there are times during her cycle where she’s particularly prone to feeling horny, but sometimes she’s just Horny.  

Z - Zzz (how quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?)  Depends on how intense the sex was and how many times she came. The more intense and/or the more orgasms, the more likely she is to fall asleep, but it isn’t unheard of for her to take a quick nap after milder or softer activities. She’ll also sleep if you sleep--sex is a good way to get her to fall asleep, actually. Viv has insomnia? Go down on her. 

[fragmenthearted]

SHIPPING INFO !! 

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

>> WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER?:

Oh geeze - I guess I’ll limit this to ffxv muses because to list them all would take a long time ... be prepared

Ardyn: Lunafreya, Older!Noctis, Verstael, Aera (depending on my mood)… 

Somnus: Aera, I guess? He's not a very shippy character.

Noctis: Lunafreya (?)

Regis: Aulea - I can't really imagine him finding anyone else

>> WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO WRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?:

Most stuff. I really like cute family and kids stuff? But also toxic/hateships, best friends, adoptive parents… I'll write soft n s f w occasionally when I feel like it, but more often than not, I'm also perfectly happy with skipping the details too. I'm not comfortable with non-consensual stuff though.

>> HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?:

Mnnn I get a bit iffy if it's more than 5-6ish years - but that being said, I've got a lot of older/immortal muses, so as long as both characters are of age, (and especially if the younger is pretty mentally mature) it's fine in the end. Usually it just means a little more development between them is required, because my characters won't immediately fall for a muse that's much younger.

>> ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:

Yes, in that I think ships are great, but it's very difficult for me to write pre-established relationships, so our muses usually have to have interacted before so I have an idea how they get along - or don't, as the case may be.

>> HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NS/FW?:

If clothes come off - or there's intense touching/teasing going on….

>> WHO ARE OTHER THE CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?:

Ahhh, i’m pretty willing to try most pairings? Each character does have their preferences - though I could see Ardyn being comfortable with almost anyone... For example, I've always thought Regis and Ardyn would be great friends in an AU where they weren't fighting.

Ardyn is with @the-first-oracle​ (Aera), @starstrucx​ (Aranea, Ignis), @lucianprincess​ (Aurora), and @emily-lotus​

Somnus is with @driftingjazzbard (Erin), Aera, and @lunafreya-ncx-fleuret

Regis is with Aulea, and he adores his daughter Aurora

Noctis hasn't interacted much, so he doesn't really have any romantic ships, but he's pretty fond of his sister Aurora too

>> DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:

 Ah yes because I'm very dense and will just be confused if you don’t XD 

>> HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?:

I like building up ships a lot - but I tag all serious relationships, not just romantic ones, including siblings, etc, so pretty much any muse that spends enough time with us will get "ship" tags. The actual qualifications for getting a tag are usually, "I want to reblog something that reminds my muse of this relationship" or "I'd like to be able to refer to these two's posts" so it's pretty simple as long as we're interacting...

>> ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

More-or-less I suppose.

>> ARE YOU MULTISHIP?:

Yes, but in separate verses (except in certain very specific cases of shared verses - i.e. my Somnus, Noctis, and Regis all know Aurora is dating Ardyn - that have to be discussed with me)

>> WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:

Ah Ardyn/Luna probably? Older!Noct/Ardyn - and I've been considering Ardyn/Noct/Luna xD I have a problem...

>> FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

Just bring your muse over and tell me about them, and I'll see if I think it'll work out! And/or we can try a few threads and see how it goes.

TAGGED BY: @musesbyarya thanks!

TAGGING: I'm tired, so just take it if you’d like!

[agameoftragedy]

Writing (and being) people with mental difficulties

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I don’t know how well I’m going to be able to express it, given that that’s part of the whole problem. I myself have developed what seems to be increasing mental difficulties, which makes it harder to explain what you experience to people who don’t know or see.

One of the first things to qualify is that naturally everyone’s experiences will be slightly different anyway; the brain is even more complex than the body and there’s still aspects to it that we don’t understand, but you can certainly read about examples of people who have obviously sustained brain damage to a specific area of the brain and the repercussions of that depending on the area. But, when it’s not so apparent what area is struggling or affected, or if it seems to be somewhat all-encompassing...!

The other thing is, I myself don’t know how you would write somebody who has had severe learning difficulties from birth (Lollys Stokeworth from ASOIAF for example) in the first person. Again, part of why this can be so difficult is because if (some parts of) the brain are that bad it can render you incapable of explaining your experiences to other people in a way they can understand. And if they can’t tell us, it’s left to everyone else to imagine (and make mistakes).

So, bit of background on me, I used to be shy but pretty cogent even face-to-face, and was generally good at expressing myself. I was top of my class in several subjects as a kid (and then went to a school for ‘smarter’ kids as a teenager so I wasn’t so special), went to uni, etc. It’s not 100% clear what’s gone wrong with my body since my early 20s, but it’s certainly neurological as well as physical, and honestly the neurological problems I have are way more troublesome than the pain and physical fatigue. They can’t seem to pin down the problem, but when I had MRI/CT of my head a couple years ago there was apparently nothing evident (though those don’t show everything...).

So, down to business:

- My brain is crap. Now, I know this, because I have also experienced my brain working how it used to, and now it is complete trash in comparison. If you are or are writing somebody who has had trouble from birth, they may not have any such feelings because they don’t know how it feels to have a brain that works differently anyway, except perhaps observing that other people can do things they couldn’t.

- How bad a problem this is varies massively. I was very cerebral and that was used a lot in my hobbies, so it prevents me doing things I love(d). If your character wasn’t like that anyway, it may not bother them as much. If your character has always been this way, everything they do probably already fits with their abilities. It can also literally vary from day to day, one day you’re kinda forgetful and the next you can barely string a sentence together, good days and bad days.

- You still have a personality. In fact, this is probably part of what is interesting, the way personality filters through these problems. Sometimes it can actually make you differentiate yourself more - I was quite shy and reserved, keep my thoughts to myself, but my emotional regulation is faultier now and I’m more likely to just say the thing and/or show how I’m feeling. I like to think I’m nice, and it means I get cuddlier and compliment people, but if your character was an asshole under wraps they could now be more overt about it (or contrast with another character who’s just as bad but covers it up).

- It can mess with your moods. I used to be prone to anxiety, constantly caught up in my thoughts, but that’s often way too much work for my brain now and I find myself more able to just like look at some pretty flowers like ‘ooooh’ with nothing more going on underneath, so I can be kind of happier. On the other hand though...

- It depends on your environment and how you’re treated. Because I’m struggling enough as it is, I’m prone to frustration of anything making my life any harder. I can be happy as a clam in my own little environment I’ve developed, but when you go out into a generally unaccommodating and judgemental world, it makes everything harder. It would be presumptuous to say that it’s worse, but I know I especially suffer as somebody who knows how things could be, because I remember that I used to be able to do these things and I also know how some able people talk and think about (mentally) disabled people when they’re not around.

- If you haven’t always been like this, adjusting is hard, especially if you can remember before (and have a questionable short term memory). To start with it’s hard to remember that you might struggle to do something (because you used to be able to), and then it’s hard to deal with the emotional pain of realising how bad you are in comparison (especially if you have little to no hope of regaining that ability).

- People can be shit and it’s hard to help that. This can often include doctors. In my experience it’s a little like being a child again; I know my judgement can be iffy at times now and I kind of need somebody keeping an eye on me, but it’s trying to get a balance between that and people ignoring and dismissing what you want and say entirely (assuming you can even express it adequately). You can keep your autonomy if you don’t admit you have this problem, but that leaves you in potential danger (from yourself) and gets you no help at all. For me I luckily have a couple of very understanding and supportive people in my life, but without those... I have deep concerns for people, as with neurodivergent kids whose parents don’t take their issues seriously.

- Trouble ‘thinking’ may well not be your only issue. I get a lot of headaches, and ‘episodes’ (there is a lot of discourse over whether they count as seizures) where basically I collapse and can’t move but am still conscious, ocular migraines, tinnitus... You can sprinkle various neurological symptoms really, depending on how a character acquired their difficulties.

- Comparing adult people with difficulties to children is controversial, though I can see some similarities at times in cases like mine. I’d certainly say that if somebody acquired their difficulties as an adult, I’d avoid this - if they were a sexual person before there’s probably still some level of that, they probably don’t insta-child, and there’ll probably be times where they still feel like they’re basically the person they were (until reminded of what’s changed when they try too much).

~~~~~~~~~~~~

This post is unfinished but I’m honestly not certain if I’ll be able to do so. I seizured at this point and have no idea what else I was going to say when I was writing it. If anyone else has input or questions, I’ll receive them happily.

[a-woman-apart]

On To the Next Thing

I’ve been making voice diaries for about a week now. They are used so that I can vent aloud and chronicle my mood in a more tangible way. If am simply writing or typing, I have more time to censor my emotions and think through what I’m about to write. My voice diaries are spontaneous word vomit. I think each method has its merits, but in the very least, this at least helps me to experience what I sound like to others.

Two things stand out for me so far:

1.      I have a penchant for being incredibly self-critical (go figure)

2.      My anxieties consist of a vast number of existential worries that are always bubbling underneath the surface

Long-time readers of my blogs are probably yawning in boredom right about now, but again, it is different for me to read what I’m thinking than to actual hear it with my ears. Hearing how insecure I am in audio form helps give me a deeper realization about how worry, tension, and low self-worth play a role in every action that I take. Let us not be given to hyperbole right now. I don’t think I’m “the worst person who ever lived.” I do not think I am utterly devoid of merit. I am, however, constantly chasing a feeling of contentment that I wonder if I’ll ever be able to hold on to. Sure, when I do well, I semi-congratulate myself and revel in an opportunity to rest on my laurels. That sentiment has hardly ever lasted more than a month. One minute, I can literally be playing “I’m Walking on Sunshine” and practically bouncing to my car because I have successfully completed finals, to frantically checking for information about my next classes the next.

On to the next thing / I’m searching / For something that’s missing…

I don’t know if the goal should be to make the good feels of accomplishing things last longer. I think that I already know that I should be less dependent on those temporary bursts of satisfaction to sustain my happiness. Cognitively, I know that my self-worth is not tied to my productivity. I know that working hard to be a “success” in the capitalist machine is not the thing that my value as a human being is dependent on. I can’t seem to get that knowledge from my head to my heart. Breathing in and out in the knowledge that I am enough seems impossible.

Reading an article in my physical education course about how maintaining my health is a “social responsibility” drove home the fact that our society believes that being healthy and productive is a duty, rather than a privilege. I don’t owe it to anyone—except myself—to be happy and healthy. You don’t get to tell me that being sick is a waste of your time and resources. You don’t get to preach to me about being a “burden to society.” I don’t often quote the Bible anymore, but here we go:

“We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.” -Romans 15:1

How’s that for a Biblical support of single-payer health care? ::winkwinknudgenudge::

I won’t always need to be on disability, but for now I need it, and it’s here for me. It should be like that for everyone who needs it. I require support, but I also support other people. I believe in working towards the common good. Needing help doesn’t make me weak. We all have something to contribute. I believe that knowing that my value is intrinsic, as opposed to based on all the things I can accomplish, is the next step in me being a happy, healthy, balanced individual.

Now, we get to the worry. I found this video on Generalized Anxiety Disorder that I related to so much. I showed it to my therapist and we discussed it. Even though I do have times that I am like Sally—and have a healthy relationship with anxiety— I find that most of the time I am like Nikki. Even though there are some things I do to fight my anxiety, like accepting invitations to outings that are difficult for me to attend, the anxiety is still there. It is pervasive and all-encompassing. My therapist said,

“I can’t imagine how hard it must be to live like Nikki.”

My therapist emphasized the importance of support for someone like Nikki, i.e., someone like me. I am glad that I mostly have the support that I need. My therapist did say that in order to receive a diagnosis or a change of medicine I did have to talk to my psychiatrist. I will be seeing him this Friday, and I am nervous, because psychiatrists are like “Okay, just take X” without taking into account the fact that anxiety can make us hesitant to try new things if we are not offered an adequate explanation.

For example, when I tentatively expressed my anxiety issues to my psychiatrist, he recommended Gabapentin for if I had an episode of anxiety. I only opened the bottle once to see what the pills looked like, then never opened it again. I wanted to take it before my presentations at school, but having never taken it before, I was afraid that it might make me flat, spacey, or “out of it.” I was afraid that I would be too doped up to drive home. In other words, as my boyfriend put it, I was, “too anxious to take my anxiety medication.”

While it is true that I should’ve asked my doctor about my concerns, it was also up to him to volunteer some information and invite me to do so. My doctor is a little bit better about this, but often prescriber appointments are rushed through and the time is filled with the provider asking closed questions (as opposed to open-ended questions) and very little time is spent actively listening to the patient. This is because there are not enough prescribers for patients at clinics that are geared to lower-wage individuals like me. I don’t want the prescriber to just prescribe random medication; I want to discuss possible side effects and know what kinds of people this medication has worked for.

I am already taking two medications to deal with anxiety and depression, and I am very iffy about adding a third or increasing the dosage. A prescriber I saw when my prescriber was out did provide some unexpected, helpful feedback. She told me that since I was coming off the antipsychotic Invega and taking a low dose of the atypical antipsychotic Abilify, that I should watch out for anger, frustration, or hallucinations. She said that if I started to become angry, I should talk to someone immediately. While I haven’t been exploding with rage, my irritability has been heightened.

Truthfully, all my emotions have been heightened, and that might not necessarily be a bad thing. It feels good to be able to cry when I’m sad and laugh with genuine delight when I feel happy. I think my previous medication made me a little muted. The key may not be to turn everything back down, but rather to learn to deal with everything more constructively. Learning mindfulness and breathing exercises is really frustrating; I feel like I have to be constantly occupied so learning to slow down and try to “ground” myself feels like some hot garbage. I feel like I am constantly on edge and being told to “calm down” is beyond irritating.

I need to learn to embrace the person that I am even with all my faults. I am not going to learn to manage my anxiety by beating myself up every time that it gets the best of me. I am not going to gain self-esteem by being angry that mine is based primarily on my achievements. I am not going to learn to temper my pessimism by putting on false optimism. The world is an awful place and that is fact, damn it! (A/N: I am mostly kidding. We’re all going to die from climate change, but at least for now we have ice cream and puppies.) Changing requires patience and discipline. I’ve already started making healthier choices regarding my diet and exercise, but I couldn’t have made these changes in a vacuum. I needed the right motivation to start and now I’m on a roll.

Self-contempt is never going to propel me— or you— into a better future. I often forget that simple advice; “Treat yourself like you would a trusted friend.” I think if more of us did that, we would all be better off.

[enfjdude]

Hi :) Regarding MBTI not having "empirical back up": it actually does. The real MBTI (that is: the letters/dichotomies) is psychometrically on a par with models like the Big Five (in fact, they measure more or less the same psychological dimensions). The problem with MBTI is the famous but mistaken "function stacks", which are wrong since Myers. I have some long posts explaining all these things, if you are interested :)

Hithere :) Yes, I believe the dichotomies by themselves would be more in linewith the current scientific understanding of the psyche. However, I think it isnecessary to understand why this is as well.

I must however stress that I myself subscribe to theidea of MBTI (including the functions), although I believe there are someproblems within the theory. I also believe the theory will change as ourunderstanding of the human mind increases.

Psychology researchers in general are somewhat opposedto the idea that the human mind can be categorized, thus they usually preferand subscribe to theories focusing on traits rather than types. This is becauseit is very, very hard (if not completely impossible) to narrow down mental activityand behavior into specific categories. This is especially true in case ofpersonality, which MBTI supposedly measures. Personality refers to tendentialbehavior over long periods of time, which of course makes sense. An extrovertedperson will over the course of a year probably engage in more social activitiesthan an introverted person, for example. However, our day-to-day personalitiesare very much dependent on circumstances as well, which makes it so much harderto pin down the nature of individual personalities. For instance, you might beat a party with an extroverted person you have never met before, but theextrovert recently went through a break up and aren’t really in the moodpartying, so they stick to the background and don’t engage much socially. Youleave the party concluding that said person is an introvert, and you wouldn’t necessarilybe wrong, because the person behaved like an introvert. Personality theorieslike Big Five allows for (and even accounts for) these kinds of discrepanciesin personality, because they suggest that a person may be “quite extrovertwith some introverted tendencies” for instance, which is the case with theextrovert you met at that party.

Researchers argue that MBTI is less valuable becauseit doesn’t allow these kinds of traits variance - a person is eitherextroverted or introverted, which in real life isn’t the case most of the time.Most people tend to fall in the middle of a trait dimension, commonly referredto as normal distribution. However, the idea of dichotomies would to someextent disregard this idea I believe, yet the question still remains; if itmeasures mostly the same as Big Five, aren’t they just more or less the sametheory?

Othertheorists have argued that MBTI doesn’t measure these kinds of personalitytraits at all (and the dimensional use of MBTI is a little bit iffy to beginwith - how sure are we that intuition and sensing are in the opposite end of aspectrum, for instance?). Instead they argue MBTI measures a stacking ofcognitive functions which affect how we process information. 

Byitself, this is an interesting theory, and many personality psychologists agreethat there are connections between cognition and personality. However, theseeight cognitive functions are very hard to pin down scientifically because theyare extremely difficult to measure, which empirically is extremely problematic.The understanding of cognitive functions is mostly a result of personalintrospection - we cannot read other peoples’ minds, so we cannot understandwhat cognitive functioning is behind their actions. We can guess, but thisdevaluate MBTI to guess work. We can use personality tests to try and accessthe functions, but the words we use to describe the functions are very similarto other cognitive functions we know affect our personalities. For instance,extroverted feeling (Fe) sounds a lot like emotional intelligence, so how canwe know that we measure Fe and not emotional intelligence when we ask about howwe interpret and respond to other people’s emotions? Introverted andextroverted sensing (Si and Se) sounds a lot like field dependency/field independency,so then, how do we know what we are measuring? Another problem is how difficult  it is to tell which function(s) are at play. Let us say a person respondshappily to your birthday invitation; is it due to extroverted feeling, becausethey react to your excitement; is it because of introverted feeling, because they areexcited to go; is it because of extroverted intuition, because they see all thefun possibilities for going to your birthday party in their head, etc? Ormaybe that person is just having a good day and would be happy either way,making the reaction mostly circumstantial? It’s quite difficult to tell mentalprocessing apart and people are often very unaware of these mental processesthemselves. Furthermore, our actions are usually not a result of a singlefunction either, but rather complex networks of different interpretations andimpulses that intersect and co-work simultaneously. This is why many scientistsdisregard MBTI - it has proven difficult to measure, it isn’t a very goodpredictor of behavior and a lot of the functions the theory proposes looks a lotlike other functions which can explain the same behavior. This is why I statedthere aren’t much scientific support of the theory, or why it isn’t highlyregarded amongst people educated in psychology. They simply argue it isn’t thatuseful.

All this being said, I personally believe there issomething to MBTI - however, I don’t think MBTI measures a very big part of ourpersonalities, or mental processing in general for that matter. There is justtoo much going on in the human brain, and there are so many other contributingfactors to our personality and overall psyche. You don’t really need scientific backup to subscribe to atheory tho, scientific backup mostly just indicates the validity and reliablility of that theory.

[mineofilms]

Pain State

Where to begin… I am writing this BLOG, well, more of dictating it as my vision is not well enough to write this conventionally, as a writer should. In order for me to see well enough my computer monitor is a 46 inch LED HDTV and it is approximately 12-18 inches from my face, at any given time.

I have recently applied for and have been denied Medicaid/Social Security Services after having serious health issues from dealing with Covid-19 in June 2020… Since this happened. I cannot work. No work, no money, no money, no health insurance and then that emergency that we all dread happens…

I have been a type 2 diabetic since 2013. When the pandemic struck SWFL I caught Covid-19, around June 26th. By July 11th I needed to be hospitalized for Diabetic Ketoacidosis (where the body produces excess blood acids; ketones. This occurs when there isn't enough insulin in the body. It can be triggered by infection or other illness.) & Pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas. It happens when digestive enzymes start digesting the pancreas itself.) I was in ICU for 36 hours and in the hospital for a total of 5 days. I lost 21 pounds over that time. I was already underweight.

3 days after I got home from the hospital, Macular Edema (blood vessels in the retina burst and bled into my eyes), set in. That took about a month to heal only for Diabetic Retinopathy (those same blood vessels that burst heal and are inflamed).

Usually requires anti-inflammatory shots into the damaged eye ball, in my case, both and laser surgery to burn away some of the excess scar tissue. These cost thousands of dollars without insurance, which I do not have. One must get treatment though.

I got my blood sugars down to near normal (high) levels. This means my blood sugar is still high, but for me, I used to walk around at 400. 500-600 is diabetic coma. 80-120 is considered normal. I walk around between 130-230, currently, fasted.

Taking care of my health was a full time job in and of itself before the pandemic. Now, I cannot work. I can only drive during the day. I cannot see well enough to drive at night. I have other medical issues stemming from this.

I am back in “ok” physical shape, but still limited. I look good on the outside and that is part of the problem. I feel the Doctors here are not seeing “the facts” and just seeing my physical look as a clean bill of health. I know there is some truth to this because my physicality comes up in the dialog. Blind is blind, it doesn’t have anything to do with me lifting up a car or not.

I have struggled with my diabetes from the start and now after Covid I am literally left with a mind/body/soul that doesn’t function at a, what was the pharse the denial letter used, oh yes…

“Based on a review of your health problems, you do not qualify for SSI payments on this claim. This is because you are not disabled or blind under our rules.  Doctors and other trained staff looked at your case and made this decision. They work for the State but used our rules.”

I have had to make serious and big changes to EVERYTHING in my life.

My computer is now changed from dual 22 inch monitors to one 46 inch monitor. I have to make changes like this just to see well enough to do some things on the computer, which is pretty much how I make my keep or was...

I am still very blind. My vision has decent days and some days I cannot see much of anything. I can barely see my phone without a magnifying glass and the magnification is all the way up on it. I shouldn’t be driving at night. I have a few times… I am all over the road.

The best way I can describe my vision is take your phone and turn the brightness all the way down till you have to squint to see the icons. That is basically how I see at night. The power is turned way down. The retinopathy in my right eye is there are literal holes in my vision where the light is being bounced off my lens and all I can see is double vision in that eye on things that are distant. Distance is relative… You know like traffic lights, cars, street signs, the lines in the road.

Yet the Gov’t believes this is not an issue? Normal 9-5, Monday-Friday are out of the question, indefinitely. Not only am I not well enough for the grind, physically. My mental health is very questionable. I have had issues for years now. I have had about 20 jobs in 5 years. I have done a real number on my mental health over the past couple of years. Especially this last battle after Covid.

I have made huge strides in changing my life, my thinking and how I fit into the scheme of things. I have become more an introvert than an extrovert since getting out of the hospital. It’s getting close to a year now and I am nowhere near where I need to be to be well enough to worry about work right now.

I am trying to be more transparent. In the past it was easy, but now nothing feels safe. I am so worried about getting sick again and it throwing my health out of whack again that my anxiety takes over and I literally do nothing. I won’t leave the house, but at the same time I am so mentally exhausted, all the time… Not some of the time, all the time.

At the end of the day. I had to take 3 tests for social security… One for a physical, another for mental health and the last for vision.  I could barely bend over at the physical. I cannot move around well, fast at all. I have to take my time a little now. Balance is definitely a problem. That was since Covid… Also with my diabetes and it being SWFL I cannot take the heat. I cannot do manual labor whatsoever anymore.

I cannot even workout in my garage anymore. I had to spend money I do not have on a gym membership just so I can lift a little weight under A/C. I can lift, sure but they are all controlled movements, it is a lot different than working outside in SWFL.

The mental health, yeah I am short tempered. Much more than a normal person. I forget things, important things, almost constantly. I cannot concentrate. The mental evaluation agreed that I was positive for Persistent Depressive Disorder & Intermittent Explosive Disorder all stemming from the PTSD I now have from this experience.

I am Persistently pissed off or sad, Persistently… When I Explode, which happens periodically aka Intermittently, its quite bad and it isn’t a safe situation for me or where my explosive mindset is directed at. I do my very best to avoid those situations and/or people who tend to gravitate to that.

I have had to heavily depend on medical marijuana. Other medications have serious side effects that could further complicate my diabetic state. I am not going to stop with this sort of treatment for a job where the company looks down at this as a form of medicine...

If I can be honest it has been working for companies like this for the past 20 years that led to the beginning stages of my mental health problems. As you hear a lot these days. “I do not people anymore.”

I might be able to pull off some part-time work in the future but right now. I need to get my vision and grip on both diseases; the diabetes and the depression.

Now the eyes… I have explained throughout this BLOG about my eyes. I have found a surgeon that has been giving me the injections for $40 a shot, once a month. That is reasonable. However, its one shot a month, on one eye. We have been treating my left eye. We have not yet begun treatment on the right eye, which seems to be the worse of the 2 and is the one I have the double vision in. I do not understand how I am labeled “not blind.” That alone should have been enough. Granted things are looking up but it is very much up in the air if this will improve my vision in the long game.

Now as of May 1st I have been disqualified by DEO for Unemployment/PUA benefits that I have been receiving since March of 2020. Now DEO has cut me off saying: "Claimant's unemployment IS NOT A DIRECT RESULT of the PANDEMIC..."

Wait, what? Me being unemployed is VERY MUCH a direct result of the Pandemic. Just because, I was unemployed before the pandemic now we question if my unemployment has been caused by a direct result of Covid-19?

When the pandemic first started I was on my way to starting my own business for IT/Tech/Computer Repair Services. The pandemic happened and everything closed. Kind of hard to start a business with this happening.

Then late June rolls around… I actually get Covid-19… From that point to now. My life has been one foot in/out of the grave…

• I had to be rushed to the ER…

• I lost approx. 25% of my body mass…

• I lost my sight…

• I had to learn to walk again…

• My diabetes is touchier now than when it was…

• I can only drive at night due to poor sight…

• I can hardly bend over…

• I cannot handle the heat…

• I cannot stay focused on tasks…

• Digestive Issues…

• Sleeping/Waking Up…

• Extreme Mood Swings…

All this caused directly from Covid…

Yet, I am "Claimant's unemployment IS NOT A DIRECT RESULT of the PANDEMIC..." When it comes to my current status… That little bit of money that was coming was the only monies that was coming in. If I do not qualify for other reasons then that would make sense but they are basically telling me I choose to stay home over go to work and refuse to look.

That isn’t what is happening…

I am not looking for work; because I cannot go back to work. I cannot go back to work; because I am no longer mentally fit to handle the daily stresses of “the grind.” I’m not looking for work; because I cannot see well enough to drive every single day and what if I have to drive at night? So, now I am taking chances with my personal safety and the safety of other drivers because; the state says I need to go back to work now. I am not looking for work; because my field is technical and it is hard to find technical jobs here, locally, that do not require me to drive an hour there and back each day. That is no longer an option.

So between my vision being very poor, my mental state being iffy at best, my physical condition where I cannot do any labor intensive work. How am I supposed to function, normally in society? I cannot do even a portion of what is required day in and out for me to function, for anyone to function, normally...

Would I go back to work if these issues were rectified? I would, yes, but under the circumstances that I am currently dealing with I do not see how this is practical, nor do I see how I am supposed to, “workaround” this?

While my eyes heal, I can gladly do some sort of online schooling where I can find something in my field, but doesn’t require, all the driving, stress of dealing with the grind and other people that put unwanted/unneeded stress on me that drives my diabetes out of control again.

I have to state that my diabetes is very much not in control.

That I am doing all I can to just keep my head above the water. I am not being giving the tools to get healthy and the few instances where I might get that help the State is eager to take away.

In closing I am unsure as to what will happen if I am left to my vices… Physically and Mentally I know I am losing the war. I get a battled victory here and there; but it is soon removed when something new/old comes around to take back their support.

I mean, it would be much easier if the Gov’t just put up a bunch of portable gas chambers so people who cannot win at life, being happy, stable, healthy can go in, put a few coins in the machine and be gassed so people do not have to deal with you anymore. I do not know if I would wait for my turn or not, but it is a thought.

It is said that appearances do not mean a thing… I wish society would get that along with my doctors that don’t assume good health; because Rollins Boy smashes some weights here and there. Maybe I am cursed, ha. I don't know if I believe in curses or not but I do believe in this...

“Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.” ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

 State Pain By David-Angelo Mineo 5/2/2021 2,256 Words

[briteboy]

WHO is Santi and WHERE is his face?

i am LIVING for your warm & colorful posts right now!! your editing is so amazing and it brightens my day everytime i see a new post of yours *.*

THANK YOU!!!! <3 i am so happy/relieved to be using warm colors once more, i feel like myself again. don’t get me wrong, i do like evoking different moods, but sometimes (a lot of the time, especially with santi) too much is too much. today’s posts were HOPEfully my last emo edits..............for now

LOL I actually made a comment about Fiona naming a cat/dog (once Pets comes out) Rodrigo. I'll go back underground now haha (still a great story, cant wait to read more) -Runaway NONY

OH I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THAT wtf. either tumblr ate it or i accidentally scrolled past it i’m sorry. i always enjoy seeing messages from anons who return to my inbox! but lmAO that’s a good idea. i actually met the most perfect dog today and now i know the breed and name of dog santi needs immediately

Hii! If you dont mind me askin, how do you edit your darker screenshots? I always end up making them too light or too dark to see a thing :( Thank you!

hmmm idk what to tell you about making them too light or too dark, because that’s a very specific thing that really depends on the picture. BUT i know that the dodge tool is my bff for brightening up dark pictures while still retaining some of the darker elements you want in them (aversely, the burn tool will help darken parts), messing with the exposure can also really help, coloring can also help too, selective color is my bff especially with blue shadows and orangey skin...this is kind of a broad answer, i’m sorry, but if you needed help with something specific, let me know!

I remember you answered an ask and said you drew tears when you edit right? Is there a reason you don't use CC tears?

i answered this like two weeks ago but i can’t find it so whateveR i’ve used cc tears a few times but there’s only like three of those in existence and my characters have cried a LOT. i feel like it would be kinda weird if they had the same tears every time. also there are just some variations that i like to customize myself by drawing, like sometimes they’ll be full on sobbing, sometimes just one single tear...it just depends on the situation, that’s why i draw ‘em.

Santi is my favorite Harvest Moon character.

idk shit about harvest moon so idk how to respond to this :[ here’s a small picture of michael cera with a cactus

Would you recommend buying a macbook for playing sims?

if a macbook is what you already have, then yeah, i’d say it suffices without many problems. if you’re specifically going out and buying a computer with the knowledge that you’ll be playing sims on it, then mmmmmm i’d probably say no...but it also depends on if you’re like gonna get REALLY into storytelling and cc n shit or if it’s just casual gameplay with a mods folder that’s like 5 gb or less...if it’s the latter i think it should also be fine. but yeah it just depends on what kind of gaming you’re planning on doing.

How can I read your story from the beginning? Is there a link or something? I keep seeing it on my feet and it looks so great!

thank you! there’s a button at the top of my page that says “story directory” but if you’re on mobile you can just go here or copy this link: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono

I've talked to u like once before and I'm to shy to talk to u again... Why am I like fish?

This**

we are all like fish if you really think about it lmao but really just reach out my dude! if we talked once then y’know you already broke the ice so just go for it!! i am here and ready to talk about all the things under the sun

Do you use Topaz Clean?

yep

hi hello so maybe I am just a blind bean but may I ask how in god's name do you get your images to be so crisp? I have everything set up, but it seems as if when I do my thing in Photoshop, everything turns out lookin like a blobfish. I'm not sure if you use another person's topaz settings or if you have your own. Thank you so much if you do respond bc I was too much of a wuss to message you *cries in Spanish*

OMG well it’s mostly just resizing, smart sharpening, and most importantly topaz clean (see above) that makes them so crisp. i also use the sharpen tool on sims’ faces, and the smudge tool when something is particularly pixelated or whatever. everything i do is listed in here! UR NOT A WUSS *hugs you in spanish*

youre my inspiration to be a better writer. I know i'm good and giving characters depth and backgrounds and coming up with a rough story idea. but i rush things and i'm not great at putting it into a good story so ya. My story on simblr started out as casual gameplay but i wanted it to be more and i'm trying to get better @ everything

OMG ;_________; it sounds like you are a good writer already, and it’s awesome that you recognize your strengths while also acknowledging that you need to work on some things as well. i try to do the same and i think that’s what keeps me level headed. it sounds like you just need to dedicate some time to planning, that way you start to realize all the nuances of your story that come together to flesh out that initial rough idea. you seem to have a positive attitude, so that’s great!! you’re already getting better and better, i know it <3

now Santi's song is Post Malone - Congratulations

OMF LMAO u sent this when santi finally got to mexico and it’s fitting

sos i was listening to the song fight song by rachel platten when i saw the photoset of santi making it to mexico and now i can't stop ugly crying please make it stop

omG i see it TAKE BACK UR LIFE SANTI U GOT THIS

This is so random but like, can I just say that you're so amazing like?? Why?? You're so sweet and funny and I love you very much ok

AKJSKJDFKJS THANK YOU THIS IS SO NICEEEE ;-; i try but a lot of the time i feel like a sarcastic asshole lmao thank u for thinking otherwise <3

Am I the only one who's like... really mad about pets being NPCs? I just feel like being able to control them was the best part. I don't really feel like the EP is worth it without them. Like, don't get me wrong, I understand that the team worked really hard on it, but I feel like they didn't do it as well as they could have.

hmm i’m kind of meh on that front because like on one hand i did like controlling pets and the novelty of the fact that you could just see their different interactions firsthand, but ultimately i think i’m okay with not controlling them because it makes it more realistic for me and honestly they’re probably more likely to take care of themselves a little bit more if they’re automated, because i’m just thinking about ts3 pets and how i literally had to make them go pee outside otherwise they’d pee in the house...even if they were well trained and stuff lmao. plus there might be a cheat or mod that lets you control them, like there was in ts2? so don’t lose hope yet.

hey your blog is AWESOME, i read through your stories in a day and am obsessed (kind of in love with gianni) ❤ what are some of your favorite ts4 blogs? i'm trying to find more awesome blogs to read through during my miserable journey of trying to get the game to work on my computer lol

heyo here’s some! thank you btw, and i hope your miserable journey ends soon :{

(I really need to get this off my chest) ok so my aunt is currently in a critical condition after having a kidney failure and she's in desperate need for a new one and I'm the only one in my family that's a match (so far) but I'm not allowed to donate bc I myself have severe health issues affecting my day to day life that would make it extremely dangerous for me to remove a kidney. I'm so fucking frustrated you don't understand like I just want to cry most of the time

first off i’m so sorry that this is even happening to you ;__; and you’re an amazing person for being willing to help out your aunt like that, so just know it isn’t your fault that you’re unable to. don’t guilt yourself for it okay? is there any other possible donor at all? i wanna know how this situation ends up. i really hope your aunt will be okay. just stay close to your family for support and don’t blame yourself.

how did you get photoshop for free? I'm trying to find a link that won't give me a virus, but I had no luck yet

the pirate bay is ur friend

Ok I gotta rant. GoT does NOT deserve the hype/amazing ratings. Like, sure the cinematography is pretty great and they have ok actors but the freaking script is so mediocre I actually think I could write a better one. Me. A 16 y/o tiny child. There are so much better shows out there! Hell, even Supernatural has a better script than GoT

whenever ppl agree with me about how much GoT sucks i grow stronger and stronger even the actors are iffy at this point. watching daenerys act is painful, jon snow is wooden as hell, it’s just bad. ur 16 yr old self has more potential than these writers tbh. it’s just completely mediocre; it started out as something great because it followed the same layered storytelling pattern as the books, but it’s diverged from that completely because the writers got too caught up in the hype. and you’re right, it doesn’t deserve that hype! omfdkjsgkj i’ve never watched supernatural but i haven’t heard good things. that’s a low bar

[yoolee]

On experience, consent, and writing fanfiction

Like a thousand years ago I made a post acknowledging that I tend to write the SLBP MC as somewhat inexperienced about physical shenanigans. I HAD MORE THOUGHTS an entire 7 page friggen 3700 word discourse on this subject – aka, experience, consent, writing and fiction and our influences, enjoying what we enjoy, etc.

I literally don’t expect anyone to read or respond to this, it was mostly an exercise in explaining my thoughts to myself (I am a TEXTBOOK INTP y’all, and all that stuff about “people with the INTP personality type tend to share thoughts that are not fully developed, using others as a sounding board for ideas and theories in a debate against themselves rather than as actual conversation partners.” ME.)

And it’s gonna come across weird probably BUT IT WAS USEFUL to me in clarifying stuff in my head and I’m posting it mostly because I can. I know y’all come here for the fics not the thought process and I’m 100% cool with that. Wrote this for my own brain, you can read or wait for the next fic TOTALLY COOL EITHER WAY. ABBREVIATED VERSION:

People have different life experiences and levels of interest and they are all okay! (and Voltage? Maybe mix it up a little XD)

People have different levels of confidence with different people at different times in their lives, and this is all okay!

You deserve to be with someone who goes out of their way to help you feel confident and excited!

You should also do your best to make your partner feel confident and excited, if and when you choose to have one!

GET AND GIVE CONSENT! Always! Multiple times during the process if you sense or hear ANYTHING resembling ‘no’, ‘stop’, or ‘wait’!

USE PROTECTION! When appropriate!

We write, read, and enjoy what we know and what comes easily!

That does not always mean it reflects what would be safe and healthy in the real world, and I think that is 100% okay if you recognize and acknowledge that and don’t normalize it with your writing!

All of this factors in to how yoolee writes MCs and fics in her random-as-hell rambly way of doing things!

·         ALSO I LOVE YOU ALL, carry on.

A LOT OF THOUGHTS ON THE SUBJECT:

Writing this with fem!MC because that’s all I have written so far, mileage may vary as that changes. Except on consent, all of the consent, everywhere!

On Experience, and the MC not having much

1.)    It’s something I think is character-specific, and for whatever reason I just tend to write for the ones that this seems more likely for even though it’s not my headcanon for all of them Let’s take Saizo, for example. His POV’s are littered with references to MC’s innocence. Can you be innocent and experienced—YES, YOU CAN, but I’m a lazy writer and also see point 5 below if you want which will explain more about his particular case.  With Yukimura, it’s just funnier if MC is (almost) as clueless as he obviously is and you’ll actually see that I flip around with Shigezane if I ever post my next fic with him, because I can see him with MCs all across the experience/comfort spectrum. And—pro tip—you can slide on that spectrum, folks. You can be inexperienced and confident, experienced and confident, experienced and not confident, and also next time be a little less or more confident, maybe it’s a bad time of week, idk, it depends on your mood and how people have treated you and hormones and other factors. Now, Kojuro’s MC, she feels confident to me and I love that. She is absolutely, in my headcanons, going to pull him into a linen closet, have her way, and not blush overmuch about it. Regardless of her experience level when they start, which is still probably going to be less than his just from an age-and-time-to-get-experience perspective, she is going to throw herself in with enthusiasm and catch up with confidence.  Yasu’s I picture as somewhere in the middle, and, like Yukkin, he and MC are going to be similar in that respect. He’s going to want to initiate sometimes and sometimes he’s going to just need some affection and sweetness and same is true for MC and they are going to muddle the hell of their way through. Inuchiyo’s MC? Inexperienced but not going to be embarrassed about it. If anything, she’s going to tell him he doesn’t tell her she’s pretty often enough. We all know he thinks she is the most gorgeous creature on earth without hyperbole bless you Toshiie you do not get enough love in this fandom some of that may be that REALLY BAD MOMENT in your story and some iffy writing choices all around in that route that I’ll get to on point 3 but I appreciate you recognize what you did and try really, really really hard to make up for it which is why I love you anyway And then we have Masa who I feel like is a very occasional thing. The physical is a small detail in a greater emotional connection, and if I wrote them, the focus would definitely be emotion (Shingen, conversely, would be physical, with emotional highlights either before or after but less pertinent during).

On the idea of experience situated in context:

2.)    It’s also world/story-specific – what I feel like works in SLBP-verse drives me friggin insane in modern-based apps I would NOT write Liar!’s MC the way I write SLBP’s. And I friggin love Liar’s! MC. I SO APPRECIATE when our modern MC’s are not quite as, er, flutteringly virginal?  MC being so works in SLBP for me, in part because—especially as an outsider to Japanese history, to my regret—it feels like fairy-tale and legend and myth to me, and the one-love destiny narrative fits my culturally-indoctrinated feelings about those kinds of stories (thaaaanks Disney). This thing that I write and see in SLBP stories, that sort of makes me feel soft and aww, drives me batshit crazy in games like KBTBB, MLFK, OTBS, BUM, etc etc. Like, real world, modern women have a much wider variety of experience and inexperience than, everyone’s-still-a-virg-by-their-first-real-job. Are some folks? Yes. Are ALL folks? No. Is one better than the other? OF COURSE NOT, I just like variety. THAT SAID I know players of the games skew on the younger side and when I remember that I’m much more okay with keeping MC innocent >>   Speaking of, in general, I tend to picture the SLBP MC as young. Not inappropriately so, but 18-20 (YES, that is YOUNG for the kind of relationship depth we see in these stories) and writing that age being a little insecure and a lot inexperienced is important for yoolee’s sanity and legality.

On consent 3.) SUPER IMPORTANT OLD AUNTIE LEE ADVICE FOLKS, K? (this is where we get a little preachy but hang with me please, I love you) Youngins, the whole 18+ thing is really, truly, not people just trying to be arbitrarily prudish. Please believe me on this. Both the reading-of and the act, there is legitimate and genuine science backing reasons to wait, and you are going to have your whole life to have fun with that if and when you so choose. And regardless, when and if you do choose to do so, it had better be with someone who is 100% willing to wait until you are comfortable, ready, enthusiastic and excited. You deserve that. Anyone who is not, anyone who makes you feel like it’s a condition to your relationship is not good enough for you period and end of story.  AND this goes both ways – don’t pressure your partner, don’t assume based on what media or movie bias tells you is ‘the norm’, and communication is important. If things seem to be headed in that direction and you’re ready, just, check-in and make sure they are too. It’s as simple as ‘are you up for (more/this/etc)’?

If you read my stuff, I hope that you notice that in every fic where the MC says stop, her partner stops. And sometimes even when she doesn’t say it, but expresses some visible or nonverbal hesitation (ie, what is implied to have happened pre-Compliments) there is still a timeout in that moment on the part of her partner. And if you don’t notice that, hopefully it’s because it feels like such a natural and normal part of the flow that it didn’t disrupt your thought process on what you were reading. Why? Because a partner saying ‘stop’ is a clear sign you need to stop and reconfirm consent (yes, you get to change your mind mid-act! Yes, you get to change your mind about something you were comfortable with yesterday and aren’t feeling today! And so does your partner, so you should both be understanding and accepting if there is a ‘stop’ involved or needed) and my feelings that stopping to double-check when you hear stop SHOULD be normal and expected comes out in this sense. What happens in most of my writing? MC gets her moment, decides she’s okay, and they continue. And she deserves that moment. And if she didn’t decide she was okay, fic would have ended.

Is it a little subtle sometimes in my writing? Yes. Saizo in particular will stop but generally doesn’t follow up with verbal affirmation. But I do write with undertones of checking for mutually understood nonverbal signals – verbal is always better, but I do think people (/characters) who have an already committed, longterm and physical relationship are quicker to catch nonverbal go/no-go’s—the consent is still there, just not as loudly spelled out for the reader.

Ironically, the piece of mine where this is most the case is Heights and that is a) my least favorite—and of course it’s my most popular, snrk—and b) one of those cases where I’m writing them as quite a bit of time into this, so there are consent checks, just not straight yes/no questions, BUT DON’T ASSUME IN REAL LIFE OKAY.

Compare Heights (implied, longterm physical and emotional history) with AKoaDK (where it’s clearly spelled out this is definitely a first for a lot of things). In the latter, I think the MC gives consent—nonverbal nodding to questions or requests, or actually explicitly giving a verbal yes or okay—at least FIVE times that I remember off the top of my head in 2000+ words, and that affirmation is important EVERY. TIME. Did you notice? Were you distracted by it? I dunno. Whether you did or were or not, it was there intentionally, and hopefully naturally, because it is that easy to weave in.

On fanfiction and the source material being, well, fiction:

4.)    That said, my preference for how I write is not a dictate on how I think others should, nor is it even 100% relevant to what I, personally, like to read. In other words – I feel like the responsibilities as a CONSUMER of content and a CREATOR of content are different. I have a frankly very guilty fondness for some of the fighting-ends-in-a-bed-or-against-a-wall-with-dubious-consent romance novel storylines, and my actual, personal reading preferences tend to skew to rough and straight up problematic themes. And I’m generally pretty comfortable with saying never feel guilty for the stories you want to read, or the stories you want to tell – fiction is a much safer, healthier way of exploring things that in the real world would not be safe, acceptable, healthy, or okay if it were happening to us or others.

I am also not young and not inexperienced XD soooo I have some perspective going into these stories. I also recognize I, personally, have control issues, and see ‘safe exploration’ above. I do think there is some truth, however, to putting what we want to see in the world into the world as content creators.

And I do think that, when we are inexperienced, what we read does shape our perceptions, even knowing that it’s fluffy escapism. And as much as I may personally enjoy some questionable fiction—and write it, depending on your tastes—which probably comes, in some extent, from the media I consumed and was introduced to before I was personally experienced, in which these behaviors were normalized, I like the idea of adding some content into our small little fandom world that helps, subtly or obviously, normalize stop-means-stop and consent as an easy, casual part of the process. My stories where this is less true I probably won’t put out into the world because even though I know where I’m coming from….meh. Just, I’d rather stick to what I put into the world being the way it is. More on the why of that below.

Even doing this, I’m grateful for writers with different tastes, experiences, perspectives and preferences. The rich variety in this fandom is one of the reasons I love it, and I LOVE seeing these other takes on relationships. It would be boring as heck if everyone wrote like me.

On Lee and her life and how that plays into how she writes MC:

5.)    Some real-world perspective (aka, we write what we know) – getting back to MC degree of confidence I am, overall, incredibly comfy in my body. I’m exactly average for an American girl weight-wise circa 2010, if not distribution-wise, which means quite a bit heavier than your international average.  And I wear a bikini with cheerful and enthusiastic pride, and I’m an ex-ballerina, so I have thought nothing of stripping to my skivvies in thirty seconds with sixteen stagehands around, or getting changed in semi-public places with my 501st friends who are a grab bag of ages and genders. As long as everyone around is 18 or older, I operate on a ‘it’s nothing they haven’t seen before’ scale and I have found that if you don’t make a big deal out of your body and not having clothes on it temporarily, and what it looks like in this state, literally no one else will either. It’s a nasty catch-22 that if you are nervous and fidgety about your muffin-top, and you go out of your way to not draw attention to it, that’s probably exactly what you’re going to do. Own it with confidence and don’t think about it and no one else will either. Not 100% there yet? Fake it until you make it, as they say, and I think you’ll find I’m right, in this case.  Another super cool aspect of that? It’s contagious. I don’t know about guys because I’m not one, but I will never forget being 14 in a bikini for the first time and being nervous and my best friend cussing for the first time saying eff it, let’s do this, I like how we look, and I felt like I owned the world. When you see someone enjoying themselves, not caring what others think, sometimes it’s easier for you to do the same – so hey, you can be an inspiration.

NOW WE GET TO TMI TIME FOLKS . I REALLY, REALLY MEAN THAT. I am literally about to allude to my personal sex life, folks, so move along, ye of younger eyes and/or uninclined to want to know about these things. SO. One very, happily, body-positive, confident yoolee, right?  Right! And yet! I still to this day get nervy as hell being n with my much-taller than and also much more fit than I boyfriend. It’s a little less each time, but still. Now, my body was like this when we started dating, and remains true, so it’s not like my body being what it is could be any kind of surprise to either of us. And nevermind that he tells me I’m beautiful, and amazing (he does, we actually have a rule he is not allowed to compliment me more than three times in a row because it’s embarrassing—yes, he is super sweet and I am insanely lucky) and has from day one, there’s just something about it that frazzles me. I suspect because, day to day, it’s about making myself happy and I have no problem doing that, but when I’m in a relationship, I want him to be happy too, and him saying he is isn’t the same as me KNOWING I am.

Does that make sense?  So yes, I do tend to color MC’s experience with mine here, particularly with some of my character favorites, and there’s some self-insertion here and the canon textual clues to support this always feel like they jump out at me in those stories, even when I blatantly ignore them in others—see Kojuro, above. Also worth noting, boy and I have been together a long time and we still check in, per my last paragraph in the last section. And I’ve said no sometimes, and he has too to certain things. And it’s nbd, we just cuddle and turn on Avengers or something. Life is good with communication, friends.

Triggery stuff And yes, as you can probably infer from my tendency to word vomit on the subject, I have experienced, personally, consent boundary issues on two occasions that ended in nonconsensual encounters. One of them was my first kiss, and some disturbing touching, which was taken from me when I was 13 but a stranger in his forties who followed me at a public event I was volunteering at for four hours, telling me he loved me and how tragic his life was, and was taken in exchange for not stalking me further. The other was jail-time and court-worthy though it didn’t come to that (because of course it didn’t, for other reasons) and the defense offered was directly tied to a perpetuation of media myth (playing hard-to-get, never give up on the dream girl, she’ll love you by the end of the movie, but you were nice to me so I thought) so if it seems like I am putting way too much thought into this, YES. I TOTALLY, COMPLETELY AM but—it does shape how I view this sort of thing—and, specifically, my role in potentially perpetuating ideas in fiction rather more strongly and with more depth than it may have otherwise.

I recognize that both of those encounters, perversely, contribute to the fiction I enjoy in some weird psychological attempt at normalizing what happened in a potentially unhealthy way – I’m sure I’m a textbook case. Because I recognize that, I’m not hard on myself for my preferences. ANYWAY.

These  encounters were also, I want to be clear, blips in my life that have not diminished my present health or happiness in any way—they just shape my perspective rather more immediately than it might have been without them.

OKAY IF YOU SKIPPED YOU CAN COME BACK NOW for a sidenote – I am not a professional writer. What you see on this blog is it. I don’t write for anything else unless it’s for work, and that’s not fiction, it’s training on leadership skills and stuff. I have not written fanfiction since like, the fifth Harry Potter book came out. The BOOK, not the movie. That was 2003. That was eighth grade for me. Good lord. And haven’t written fiction in general since one intro to creative writing class sophomore year of undergrad. I got a chemistry degree, folks, I wrote lab reports not romances (okay that would be such a good blog tagline tho) So I DO lean on that ‘what comes easy to me is what I know’ thing. What I don’t know, I google the heck and a half out of, but that’s much easier with the technical than the emotional. Good writers can summon up believable emotion they have not experienced or doesn’t casually interest them enough to imagine, and I still absolutely need practice with that. This is good for me in that sense, but you will notice that for all my talk of variety up above, I tend to write all emotion experienced in these situations pretty similarly. Gonna work on that.

…………………some day I will learn to express my thoughts succinctly. I have a lot of strong feelings about consent and confidence okay.  OH THAT REMINDS ME.

On BC:

6.)    BIRTH CONTROL  TOO, OKAY?

Okay, this is important and yet I don’t write about it much. BUT USE IT EVEN IF I DON’T WRITE ABOUT IT. Except with Saizo, if Iga can make truth serums they can make BC, fight me on that, and of all the samurai I firmly believe he is the one who will not risk MC get with child without a lot of coming to terms with things first, and if you see the MC drinking anything in my writing with him you can safely assume there’s an important powder in there, and if I don’t write it, IT HAPPENS ANYWAY, Little One being the…ironically obvious exception, but my point is that would not have been an accident, but a very, very calculated decision that he is still probably always worried about.

I also don’t think it has as much place in this narrative and story, because, legitimacy issues aside, preventing one, to me, doesn’t feel like it would be as much of a priority for these characters in a we-are-in-a-warzone-and-I-may-never-see-you-again time and place as it would for, say, the Scandal in the Spotlight protags, who reasonably have regular and easy access to modern, easy prevention and a vested reason for using it, namely that they have a lot going on without screaming babies adding to it.  SO I may not always write it in but you can generally assume that if I write anything modern, there’s some kind of BC whether that’s chemical or an off-screen.

If a couple is in a long-time, monogamous relationship and they are comfortable with and prepared for, financially, emotionally, etc for the possibility of offspring, different story. Otherwise – prevention, peeps. PREVEEEEENTION.

Okay.

I think that’s it.

This has been a stupidly long PSA from someone who overthinks this fanfiction stuff.