#it bring back memories for both of them
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People talking about potential deaths in Ninjago crystalised like my friends, have you not forgotten that it’s literally impossible to die in this show I think the start of the season proved that
Guys you should be preparing for more resurrections if anything
#just saying if that rate that showed up in the trailers is actually mystake then none of you better be surprised#rat**#so far crystalised is on 3 revived characters and it will be going on 4 if the overlord is actually in the season#if we get good Garmadon memories then I think that counts as half a revival#not to mention all how every other character has been revived at some point#Pythor aspheera all the ninja aside from jay Zane twice (thrice counting Skybound)#GUYS EVEN IF EVERY NINJA DIES IN THE FINALE TO MAKE WAY FOR A NEW CAST; YALL WILL CHEEP LIKE LITTLE BIRDS AND HOLD LEGO AT GUN POINT AND#FORCE THEM TO BRING THE OGS BACK#YOU HAVE DONE IT BEFORE#Ninjago has such an immortal essence both within the plot and outside it#ninjago#lego ninjago#ninjago crystalized#Ninjago crystalized spoilers
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I feel like I have an unacceptably low level of control over my body. Like obviously there are some things that no one can control but I have like actual big problems because of it. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's not just me being really clumsy (although that is an effect of it) or even the tics I have.
It's like I can feel my body moving wrong constantly but I can't correct it and it hurts and it sucks and I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting myself, making mistakes, breaking things, acting like it's fine when in reality I'm constantly afraid of how much any movement I make next could hurt me. I need to move to stay sane, I want to workout and get stronger and go on walks with my friends. I wanna get better. I can't even roll over in bed without pain and I'm just so tired.
#opossums chronic illness rants#seriously though this sucks so much and idk if theres anything i can do about it but i wanna try#its probably a combination of a lot of different things#like muscle weakness and instability from ehlers danlos syndrome both making each other worse#along with the poor proprioception from autism the dizzyness and weakness from the dysautonomia#the fact that i cant really see and even possibly inner ear damage (thats a new one that ive been suspecting more and more recently)#im not sure if the ear damage would be just from built up ear wax or maybe or something else#but im really not having a good time because it brings back bad memories#when i was a kid (8 i think) my mom was convinced i had compacted ear wax but given that she refused to ever#take me to doctors she decided she had to fix it herself#which led to a lot of excruciating trials where she stuck wires and que tips stripped of their cotton into my ears#and tried to scrape out whatever she could. even though i wanted her to stop because it hurt so bad i would start crying everytime#im also mildly suspicious that might be what damaged my ears in the first place... but i really have no way to know that at the moment#all i know is i dont want anyone looking in or putting things in my ears ever again#it doesnt even matter how much i trust them because now anything put in my ears hurt#like even when im just regularly cleaning them with que tips it hurts and im reminded that might not be normal#idk if you read these tags let me know if cleaning your ears is supposed to hurt i guess?#im honestly not sure. like i just always assumed i wasnt being gentle enough or something but it doesnt matter what i do#its not super painful either just a little bit so i ignored it because i assumed it was normal#since a lot of 'normal' things hurt for me. which i now know to my surprise isnt normal at all but i didnt figure that out#until i actually got people to believe that these things were hurting me#apparently its very hard to find anyom#who believes that opening bag clips or trying to lift a jug of milk are actually quite painful for me#they usually just say im way overreacting and when i was a kid i just believed them i guess
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lil murda's storyline is gonna real interesting
#like in ep 6 teak's own problems pull him under but they also mirror lil murda's in the sence that#they're both closeted gay men that hold their traumas and truths in even if it hurts them#so like murda is kinda seeing what his current path of isolation and closetedness could bring him#in ep 7 we see him and uncle clifford reconnect and murda playing around in cliff's closet and clothes#like he sees the joy to be had in living in his truth every day#but cliff in season 1 has straight up said that the 2 of them can't go on a typical date cause of homophobia#and even in ep 7 cliff opens up abt how lonely being so visibly queer in chucalissa is#not to mention murda's career as a hypermasculine rapper is not gonna mesh well with him being gay#and then the gang stuff gets added in#like lil murda obviously feels obligated in some way to making sure teak's memory is honored#and now that pico's dead there's a good chance that pico's gang will go after the hurt village hustlers#which will give murda more blood depts he willl feel obligated to repay#and this ties back into the sexuality stuff cause there's no guarantee that his gang at large will not abandon him if he comes out#on the other hand woddy is probably the 1 person in the gang that lil murda cares the most abt + values the opinion/support of the most#so with woddy basically saying that he'll stick with him through thick and thin could give lil murda the support he needs to come out#so uh. congrats p valley on making me stressed#(but in all seriousness the writers r absolutely phenomenal)
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i’m thinking about the old genre of post that would run along the lines of “imagine you’re exploring somewhere and you see it. the old blue box.” the reader is then told to imagine opening the door. what they see depends on the post. sometimes they meet a doctor, tired now, but glad, if surprised, to see a friendly face. sometimes the tardis lies empty, humming weakly at your touch. in either case, the story ended with you leaving, feeling positive, knowing it was real, and that it matters that it was. and that you are why it matters.
i’m thinking about stories. i’m thinking about the doctor being trapped in their own story, being the makeup of it. about how, even if they wanted to stop, they couldn’t. not as long as they were remembered. how the only way for them to exist as anything other than what people expect them to be is to be forgotten. to be unseen. thinking about how anyone who knows that is helpless to do anything with the knowledge. they won’t forget. being aware of a gaze does nothing to avert it, no matter if the awareness comes from the one seeing or being seen.
i’m thinking about how still, knowing what i know, if i came across something that looked familiar, an old box gathering dust, that i’d still try the handle.
#now granted that’s because this is all a fun bit of writing and i want to see the inside. which i fully expect to be a normal size#but outside of that context; inside whatever it is this is? i’d still try the door#just to see#it’s cruel; in a way; isn’t it? to force that back onto them#them in this case being doctor and tardis both#come in have a chat. throw them back into the swing of things; bring the Doctor out where for who knows how long it was only the doctor#maybe even theta sigma; on a good day#i’d still do it#because. what if.#and if it turned out to be true. if i found something other than three wooden walls inside the box#i like to think i’d say my thanks and ask to forget.#it’s the only kindness i could offer; really#the sweet peace of being forgotten in exchange for a memory of a vaguely nice afternoon#because i don’t need it to be real. it wouldn’t change anything#what good there is to be had is had as story#and i’m content for it to stay there. let the story write itself out
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🎲
#In memory of my DM#who passed away at 3am today#I'm still not sure how it happened#and the rest of the party a mess#They're all good friends and have their dynamic. I'm the new addition#I am also not sure if I am sad about them or that our campaign will probably stop#or both? I don't know#I can't quantify how sad I feel about each bit#Update: It was a heart attack.#at 47. Far too young#I can't bring it up but I can't help but feel we had a hand in exhausting the poor thing#Running two long sessions a week. back to back#sometimes even three#it could have been too much to handle#And I can't even say anything because how does someone even respond to an idea like that#Bibbles' rants and rambles
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eulmore ost makes me so happy 🥹
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#both day n night themes r both so comforting for me. i have. a lot of memories in eulmore#with msq.. shadowbringers is very very special to me :c n then raiding i. i remember w the static we'd sit n just chill there n#talk or emote on each other or wtvr. i still remember those nights so clearly#i remember an old friend. how i'd always be shy to talk to him haha i never initiated any convos but i remember we met there n#yeah. n. he affected my life quite a bit months after in that week we talked quite a lot bcs i was really in a bad time then n..#he was there ig. a friend back then.#with the static yh. i remember listening in to vc. sometimes we'd have guests too#like our friends who. was our static leader's friend first yh n he's one of the best ninja's w uhh ffl*gs >.>#n then our static lead's old friend from his old static joined us from time to time to i think he's from na????#nyways the latter dude i can barely remember his voice but he was my co-tank several times during prog n i wld be so intimidated omg#i miss those days a lot. last year i was really disconnected from reality but i had a lot of friends n memories in ffxiv#this year was.. this year confuses me so much. n it's precisely bcs it's been so long since i've been connected w reality like this#i really don't want to mess it up n i think lately i haven't been doing well bcs i can't help but feel like i have#do you ever think of the past and wonder whether if you did better would things be different (& also better) now?#i'd rather not dwell on the past n instead look towards what i can do in the future but i've been feeling lost for so long now#ff calms me down so much oh my god i'm listening to some ffxv rn too n it brings back a lot of memories#all these memories really mean so much to me but it's so bittersweet bcs. i can't return to them. just remember n remember n remember#one day i'm afraid i'll forget. or all this would be too far out of my reach#n that day feels far too near. but this dread this anxiety this fear is normal. human. but so very tiring n i don't know what to do#i miss those days.. even yesterday i miss so much. even earlier today. thinking n lately i've been too tired to reach out in any way n oh#IM RAMBLING WAIT 😭😭#i really don't know how to put it into words at this point but it just feels so bittersweet n cold n confusing n hdlkfjsdflkds :c#christmas is so near.. 2023 is so near n i'm not sure what i've done at all. lately life just feels so empty.#but eventually i'll find myself again. so please tell me you'll still wait. please tell me you haven't forgotten.#n so i'll forge ahead unto the morrow. with a heavy heart.. mind full of thoughts n hands too tired to write. but i'm still here.#even if it weighs heavy even if it hurts. tomorrow so long as there's tomorrow there'll always be another chance for smth better.#n i'll hold unto that hope forever
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I gotta say, when I read the tags that past life au jasco “committed atrocities on nuclear families in the 1950s” I thought u just meant that they were living together unwed or something. I didn’t expect murdered husbands 😂 ur ideas continue to surprise me in the best way possible <3
Yeah no I gorged with that but then I thought about the waltz that went with it and thought “oh wouldn’t it be cool if it were a murder waltz? Like they’re dancing and the lights go out except for black lights and you can see their dresses stained in bodily fluids, because murder?”
But no like they’re so bonded in the 1950s flashbacks, not just because they love each other, but because they’ve committed literal crimes and we’re on the run together, living out their lives with only each other fully understanding their pasts, forming their futures together
#sometimes the murder parts can bring about nightmares even in the present#like Bosco might have a nightmare where they’re back as their 50s self and their husband#despite being dead and this being a dream#is crawling back from the afterlife to drag them back into their terrible and boring and unwanted life together#and he’s all gross and held dead like all sagging rotted flesh#and when Bosco comes too they grab hold of Jasmine#accepting the reassurances that it wasn’t real and they’re okay that jasmine is always there#that they’re not going anywhere#but yes one of their core memories together is murdering each other’s husbands and dumping them both off in different lakes#removing any identifying items#stealing their watches and wallets and wedding rings to pawn off when they go westc#letting the bodies decompose once weighted down in the water#their dresses soaked through as they’re dragging the bodies in#but once they’ve hit Nevada and everything in the desert is quiet#they’re finally able to breathe#finally able to see their new life stretched out in front of them#asks answered#for anon#jasco past life au
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Memori : returning to Earth
#The 100#John Murphy#Emori#Memori#the100edit#just look at Emori's face#she started off so happy in this episode#and then there's Murphy#thinking about how they can bring the people of Sanctum back home#but then things go horribly wrong for both of them at the end of the episode#my poor kiddos!
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i don’t want t o hear SHIT about nico/will and orpheus/eurydice parallels..... rick + his ghostwriters better leave nico tf alone he’s already been through so much WHYYY would they even think about doing smthn like that to him...... the only person who’s allowed to go into the underworld to rescue a loved one is reyna and she’s bringing jason BACK!!!!!!!
#do u guys remember readriord.an's pride month post where they were like nico and will together forever<3333#except remember what happened to orpheus and eurydice? so maybe not :)#like.... leave them ALONE!!!! YOU EVIL MAN!!!!#if u want an orpheus/eurydice retelling so bad. let reyna go down into the underworld and bring jason back#grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and he's confused and alarmed bc there are still so many things he can't remember#memories that are fuzzy and far from him and not just the ones that were initially wiped away by juno#but as they get closer and closer to the surface his memories come back. clearer and brighter than they ever were after the giant war#and when the light of the sun breaks over them reyna still REFUSES to look back because she won't make the mistake orpheus did#she's simply built different so she doesn't turn around not even when jason keeps calling her name#and it isn't until he tackles into her back and lIFTS her in a bear hug like he used to that she lets herself look at him#and they hug for a long time and when they pull away reyna's like hey.... i'm a lesbian now btw#and jason's just like yeah. yeah i know. i remember. and he smiles and reyna smiles bc her best friend is BACK!!!!!!!#exactly how she remembers him#wait wait wait i actually have a lot of thoughts about this. the poetry of reyna going into the UNDERWORLD#when something she fears more than anything is ghosts and seeing her father again. rescuing her friend who was taken from her a second time#bc it happened once for the sake of the world but it didn't need to happen again. so it's not going to. she won't let this be their story.#yeah . .. yeah#also its subversive bc reyna nd jason are both gay <333333#& that disturbance you feel in the force? it's me ( ooc. )#& alis volat propriis ( general relevance. )
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also i recently got the idea of AJ and Jemima being twins - except when Demeter and whoever else is there finally tried to leave Macavity something went wrong and AJ got left behind. and the reason for her name being Almost Jemima is because Macavity named them and since AJ, unlike Jemima, did not have magic powers he just. called her Almost Jemima because she was almost like her sister but, in Macavity's sick mind, not really worth anything
obviously she ends up with the jellicles one way or another but i'm not quite sure how or when
#aj#until she returned jemima only had a few vague memories of her#demeter felt so soso quilty for this and i don't think she ever fully forgives herself for leaving aj behind#it was barely a choice she made#i haven't figured out the details but there's a lot that can go wrong in an escape plan#so something unexpected probably came up and deme had to choose between not going to the junkyard or bringing one of her kittens there#(or something similar but had she been able to she'd certainly have brought both of them with her)#maybe macavity rarely left deme out of his sight so when he did you had to take the chance you know?#but yeah - once deme returns she tells munk and they try to find aj and bring her back immediately#it takes some time but in one way or another they succeed#deuteronomy family#demeter#macavity#headcanon
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With this flux of series and movies lately that been hitting my interest head on, I got to say I really really missed being excited about a show and being able to sit down to watch it.
#like its a legitimate thing i look forward to getting to see these shows#rvb use to be one but zero killed any and all interest in anything ever made by rt again tbh#i remember getting up early to watch on first members and then wait for my partner to watch so we could talk about it happily#thankfully more shows and movies have come out that legitimately gives us both joy now again#like i am so hyped up for heman/transformers/fear street/more to come out to enjoy tbh#the old love of triklops (a dear loved character of mine from young days) is like how I saw Grif in rvb back them: just pure delight#and its bringing back such good memories of the old heman show and making me miss those good ol days of rvb coming out with the hype now
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“i walked into school today expecting to smell nicotine and spy a blur of a red haired girl with a tattoo sleeve, then realized santana’s now at carmel.” clad in her usual cheerios uniform, she approaches rachel at her locker, trying to keep her heart rate under control as her thoughts immediately flash back to their friend date just a week ago. “i think the rest of our last semester in this school is going to be quite an interesting one.” there are two disposable coffee cups in her hand, her name written on both of them. she holds one of them out to rachel, recalling her coffee order during their breakfast date. “the lima bean’s nothing like sure house, but i made sure to make it taste as close as possible.” @ofberry
#ofberry#i went back to that server to refresh my memory on everything#but sam & blaine got drunk & hooked up. santana became a skank & hooked up with mack. quinn boxed with her & kicked her ass & was sad#bc she was losing her best friend. puck & sam admitted each other they both liked dudes#britt was depressed & upset over break up with santana. precious quinn & kurt friendship#faberry trying to team up to get santana back in glee club. sam taking blaine on romantic date then getting sad bc blaine love kurt#faberry's christmas party where everyone kissed under the mistletoe. pezberry kissed twice & they both liked it. GAY PANIC#quinn helping rachel get to bed at the party (: both of them v confused about girls#quinn blackmailing jewfro to get a signed funny girl playbill for rachel's birthday/hanukkah#quinntana kind of friends again. rachel on a mission to explore her sexuality. quinn asking santana to kiss her bc she wants to be sure#rachel breaking up with finn bc she wants to figure out her feelings. jesse returns & recruits santana for vocal adrenaline#faberry goes on 'friend date' to help each other with sexuality & it's cute & spontaneous & they spent whole day together#rachel mad @ santana bc she's transferring & they want to bring her back to mckinley#faberry agreeing to spend their weekend nights together whenever they can#anD WE'RE HERE#after new year's and back to school dgjhksdg#klaine happily together. bram being soft together. quinn & puck visiting beth at shelby's. all that askdjhg#𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐍 𝐅𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐘 : interaction .#( quinn verse ) you can let go and start your future // sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 3
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#maybe it was a mistake to reread those youth fiction books again that made me think about love and stuff#it did make me have another one of those dreams. you know one of those where i finally fall in love with someone who shockingly even likes#me too! and then you feel warm and loved and then you wake up and it's back to being lonely as usual#just a bit worse since the memory lingers even if it wasn't real. and then you feel like the world's most pathetic heap of trash#bc of course you keep thinking about the dream and try to bring that warm feeling back although you shouldn't#ah man... and after that i found a website where i could read the missing volumes of the series#(i used to have all 5+1 volumes except the 2nd but i already took them to a fleamarket once years ago where i sold only the last 2) volumes#but reading the last one made me remember that i felt alienated even back then bc the main character who was p relatable to me#fell in love towards the end of volume 4/was with her bf in volume 5 and i could not relate to that anymore#and the one girl i felt i could relate to anymore bc she was the only one without any interest in boys and love and relationships#well she fell in love too (with a girl which was a nice change of pace in the literature i read but still. wasn't my experience as well and#made me feel even more alone and stupid for not being like anyone else)#hhhhhhh... usually i like being ace as a concept but tbh there are so many moments where i just wish i could be like p much everyone else#around me. asking myself why i can't fall in love with a nice boy or girl since my mom already asks about both when it comes to this topic#or at least to understand my friends instead of feeling uncomfortable and trying to hide it bc i also want my friends to be able to tell me#things that affect them! i feel like i'm such a bad friend sometimes... like i can listen to talk about their partners and details about#love lifes and stuff for a while but i've also caught myself thinking 'sounds kinda disgusting when is this over?'#and i feel i should show more interest but i just don't know how bc i'd kinda rather talk about anything else#anyways... maybe i'll at least have another nice dream tonight even though it's only smoke and mirrors#i am sorry if anyone had to read this stupid moping tho. i just don't know where to stuff my thoughts sometimes#rukarambles#personal
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im bringing back more of my children and yall can’t stop me .
#.// such fond memories with these two ... i love them both very much .#.// so iM RLLY HAPPY TO BE BRINGING THEM BACK .
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my only real Hacy worry now is that Harry did remember erasing Macy’s memory but chose to keep it from her to not cause her pain
#charmed spoilers#hacy#the whole jimmy thing?#we know that's going to be solved because she's not going to have to pick between them#they're gonna merge for sure#but this part worries me because I think Macy might be mad if she finds out he did know#hopefully not#because I can completely understand Harry's side of this#if he can't bring those memories back why would he unnecessarily burden her with what happened#also I think he wanted a fresh start with her and not have her entire view of him determined by a 30 second interaction they had when she#was 20 years old#I sympathize with both of them on this so it's stressing me out#im going to be blissfully happy for now#but this is in the back of my mind
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So just a little side note, I might not be able to do any thing special for 700 followers anymore. Lately my motivations been real up and down and something happened that’s really shot what was left of my motivation- So again lemme just say thank you for 700 followers! If my motivation comes back I’ll definitely take back this statement, but rn I’m just feelin not the greatest
I hope you all have a great rest to your day or night, wherever you are! Big smooches!
#admin leon speaks#vent in tags#->#Basically I fucked up#I took something said someone the wrong way and accidentally hurt them#Which they took what I said the wrong way too but I still just#feel super bad about it#And had a whole mental breakdown for like 5 minutes because of it#I'm still kinda reeling from it as I write this cause it's bringing back some not good memories too#And also because I hate hurting people even if it's on accident#I know it's like dumb to have a breakdown over that but-#And it definitely sounds like something someone trying to play the victim would do which just makes me feel worse about it#if you read this ty for letting me cry a bit#I wish I could tell the person I'm sorry again but we both left the server this happened in-#I just feel really sick because of it-
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