#it also involved a lot of sleeping
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Pregnancy weekend plans is like
*wake up* -> *eat* -> *mildly exercise* ->*go back to sleep* -> *wake up* -> *eat* -> *mildly exercise* -> *go back to sleep*
#it never ends#not that I had any grand weekend plans pre pregnancy#it also involved a lot of sleeping#but good LORD#HOW TIRED CAN ONE PERSON BE#and when I’m not working I’m sleeping#still mildly get shit done tho#my husband makes me feel better about it 😅#‘you are growing a baby full-time’#that always makes me feel a little better 🥰#it’s like#I am awake for small periods at a time#whatever tasks I have I must knock out before the next sleep befalls me😂😂#it ain’t much but it’s honest work#anyway#lil rambles#lil is pregnant#baby lil#lil is sleepy#it’s a lil thing
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Still getting used to drawing them but I'm happy with how this turned out so I will post it :)
#last night while i was trying to sleep i closed my eyes and saw blitz with hyper realistic bloodshot eyes and then i woke up nauseous#its the way theyre the only thing on my mind rn#i can and totally would make analysis's.s..'s on each and every scene involving these two#stolitz duet soon how we feeling im feeling hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#im hhhhhhhhhhh#im also working on such a normal thing involving blitz did you know blitz is my favorite character i love him and hate him a lot so much#i really love the idea of blitz being clingy after him and stolas actually make things official btw#also obsessed with blitz climbing stolas all the time like a bug or perhaps a lizard#stolitz.......................... <3.. uhghghhh..#just like 21-ish days till full moon release date reveal hahahahahahahaha#nillyart#nillyfanart#helluva boss#blitzø#blitz#stolas#stolas goetia#stolitz#stolas x blitz#hellaverse
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Thinking today about Boothill falling first, but Dan Heng falling harder.
Like I think of Boothill as being pretty self-aware, so he knew it almost immediately. He pointed his gun at Dan Heng and the guy didn't flinch didn't hesitate didn't even get scared just stood there with his arms crossed and casually insulted Boothill like he couldn't have made the furniture of the Express an even brighter red with a single squeeze of his trigger finger. Boothill knew he was doomed before they even defeated Sunday, and it only got worse and worse, the longer they sat at that bar in the Reverie together. ♡
Meanwhile Dan Heng was raised in a prison cell with zero say over anything. He was considered a criminal and he was being punished. There wasn't exactly anyone encouraging his emotional intelligence. It didn't matter what he wanted, so thinking about his own wants/needs/feelings is something that just like. Doesn't occur to Dan Heng.
Like he IS slowly but surely figuring it out, and he still acts on stuff of course. He and Boothill share that sort of ruthless straightforwardness where they can see action -> result. Dan Heng knows that he doesn't want anything to happen to the Crew, so he guards them viciously. Action (guard person) -> result (person stays alive). But I think if you asked him, he'd have a hard time putting his feelings for them into words, "they're once-in-a-lifetime companions" is about as deep as you're going to get from him haha
Anyway, all this to say, I think that even if he already knew he liked Boothill romantically, when Dan Heng- who guards his chosen little flock like a herding breed or maybe a sheepdog with a coyote collar- sees Boothill do something protective, like literally take a bullet for March 7th
("It's fine, it ain't gonna hurt me near as bad as it woulda hurt you, missy. It's just another dent, quit yer fussin'.")
that is when it suddenly hits him like a brick that oh, oh no, he loves him.
#Boothill: Loves Dan Heng and knows it but also knows vengeance is his top priority rn#will not really pursue and especially won't confess but won't lie if asked and will still act overly affectionate-#-bc he doesn't want Dan Heng to think he *doesn't* like him.#but Boothill knows how to persevere and pursue and how hunting involves lying in wait#he'll make it happen eventually now's just not the time#meanwhile Dan Heng: wow I sure feel mopey & irritable every time Boothill leaves wonder what that is oh well *rolls over and goes to sleep*#I love them NSMXIKXMDLD#LOOK Dan Heng is extremely intelligent and quick-witted and sharp and has a lot of book smarts#so that has to be balanced out with some dumbassery somewhere!!!#honkai star rail#hsr#henghill#bootheng#honkai star rail boothill#honkai star rail dan heng#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng#boothill#dan heng#march 7th
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If anyone ever wants to live out that romance trope where the love interest dramatically goes to comfort someone during a storm while they’re afraid please let me know as it has been storming for ten minutes and i have been crying for six of them
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#ughhhh#i hate this#i hate this a LOT#i was anxious all day yesterday in anticipation#then couldn’t sleep waiting for it#and now it’s HERE and it’s awful#i normally do a lot better but there are a lot of factors involved this time#promise im okay btw!!#a few tears (a lot of tears😓) but i’ll get through it lol#also sorry for all my storm posting lately#there’s been a lot lately and we don’t usually have to deal with them this early in the year#so im a bit more antsy about it than normal#im gay and i like sleeping
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Hey! Could you please do some headcannons of cuddling with Jay from descendants?
Thank you!
oh fuck yes baby boy NEEDS a snuggle so fuckin bad. Jay is SO motherfucking - his full name is Janasheen Lagmani Mufti btw (successor, born at nightfall, one who gives council or legal advice) - Jay is SO motherfuckin touch starved that he'll get injured on purpose just so he can feel you touch him up. After a while you start to catch onto this because you don't have the heart to tell him he's not quite as slick as he thinks he is. So OBVIOUSLY I have a medieval game OBVIOUSLY I have a jousting game the only way you're gonna get him to turn into your snuggly lil bunbun (yes he does insist you call him that after you say it once as a joke and he loses his mind) is to make him think YOU'RE really the one who needs cuddles. like of course you're feeling kinda sad and tired from all your schoolwork so of COURSE you need a big strong tough cool guy star of the tourney team to make you feel all safe and cozy. obviously it's TOTALLY for your benefit. not at all because Jay was not hugged once as a child! that's hilarious and true and totally not the reason at all! I just washed my hands that's why they're wet! no other reason!
but yeah once you actually start cuddling with him it's going to take approximately less that six seconds for him to become a total and complete velcro boyfriend. it takes longer to watch any vine in existance than it does for Jay to latch onto you like a small baby bird. he did not know that touchy feely stuff could be so... nice. especially when it's with you. he tried giving Carlos and Evie and Mal bear hugs between classes when he's away from you and it was good, but it wasn't the same. Maybe it's because Carlos still thinks he's going to get suplexed whenever Jay grabs him like that or maybe it's because Mal keeps asking if he huffed her spraypaint and that's why he's so huggy out of nowhere (Evie doesn't mind too much as long as he doesn't wrinkle her outfits or mess with her hair and makeup. she actually approves of you two and likes that you're bringing out Jay's more affectionate side. she makes a mental note to give you the friends and family discount on any future designs you order from her.) but shortly after that first time you snuggled up with Jay and had him tell you all about the video games he's been playing and about tourney practice he's full on addicted to your touch and cuddles. Coach sometimes has to pull you off your extra curriculars to give Jay hugs and kisses during practice when he cops an attitude or gets too rowdy. you're known as the Jay whisperer immediately and believe me the nickname sticks. Carlos asks what the hype is once and you give him head scratches and he understands.
#descendants#descendants x reader#descendants drabbles#jay descendants#jay x reader#jay drabbles#jay descendants x reader#janasheen “jay” lagmani mufti#he's such a lil goofball#by the way!!!!! i'm like... what is it 1/4th of the way done with my first book?????? roughly??????#l-l-l-l-losing it! *airhorn noises*#/pos#so anyway yeah I've also been drawing more which is really good bc it's been fun again#been drawing a lot of marge simpson#because of my ~late night insomnia!~#I wish there was a way for me to sleep before 2am that doesn't involve playing a million levels of online solitaire#(which I still don't know how to play) watching family guy and the simpsons and terrorizing bots on janitor but hey#if it works it works#oh and law and order svu#been watching that until like 1am or something#i got jumpscared by a murderer who was WAY too much like my dad and his mother /neg#I know the woman who played her MUST have a narcissist in her life because it was CHILLING#i think it was in season 4 or 5 but the episode title is home#which I remember bc I was thinking “ironic that this hits too close to HOME lol”#tee hee!
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iron / heart
Part of LoL Esports Elemental Series.
#lolelements#lol esports#t1 faker#t1 oner#t1 zeus#t1 gumayusi#t1 keria#skt bang#skt wolf#skt bengi#skt kkoma#warning: MAJOR yapping incoming below#thinking about still here.mp3 and 'gripping with my cold hands the shapes i used to take'#'it could all end here with the strange daylight caught in our eyes'#'my shadow stretching out through all the things i left behind'#opening ceremony+t1 has everything they need to put me on a stretcher to ER#images from lol esports flickr (2016 worlds either finals or semis i goofed and forgot)#(and msi 2024 brackets features and worlds 2024 semis features)#there is a universe where i collected more pics and put a bit more thought into which word should go to who#but that universe also involves me doing this at a time that is not 5am#this is my last one probably twas lots of fun but new things on the horizon for me#this post is scheduled to post on finals day but just know that i am awake and shitting my pants over worlds finals#then recovery period and then im shifting into arcane mode#being completely deranged is a full time commitment never let anyone tell you otherwise#lil pat on the back for myself for successfully posting one per day til finals EVEN if they were sorta mediocre or dupes hahaha#special thanks to t1 for making it to semis because if they didn't there's a chance i would have lost steam LMAO#work school and the physical need for sleep work hard#but the esports demons in my brain work harder
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Hello :D will be posting some doodles later, but I wanted to announce a couple things before I forget.
I'll be opening my ask box this week for ask-box-trick-or-treat doodles! I saw some people doing this last year and it looked fun so I wanted to give it a try :D if you have a costume you want to show off I can try and doodle it! (or I can draw whatever's in your pfp/icon if you'd rather)
I'm also considering doing these doodles live with Magma; I do have classes on Halloween, so it would have to be pretty late in the day (~7:30/8:00 CDT), but if there's a couple people that would be interested in joining then I might be open to hosting that for the night! It will likely be open for a long time and will be pretty casual (no mic) so I'm interested to see if that's something y'all would like to do :)
Either way, my ask box will be open soon after this post! Happy (early) Halloween :D 🎃🎃
Update: to be clear, I'm not exactly taking requests per se... I am just drawing profile pictures or costumes worn by actual people. And while it goes without saying I'm sure, I reserve the right to deny any trick or treat request for any reason; these are free and just for fun :)
#you can kinda treat this like doodle requests but i wont be doing anything as involved as i normally do for requests#i have a plane to catch the day after halloween and i plan to sleep the entire way so i will be staying up late regardless haha#but a magma can run without the host so it seems like there's a lot less pressure there than on a livestream#I'm just worried about having to step away for any reason BUT it'd also be fun to draw with everyone#so it seems like the best way to go!#plus people will be able to come and go as they please a little easier#anyway just thinking thoughts this is all new to me haha
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IM FREEEEEE
#(FROM PROJECTS)#personal#the engineering chronicles#WILL HOPEFULLY NEVER NEED TO SLEEP THREE NIGHTS ON THE FLOOR OF THE ENGINEERING BUILDING AGAIN!!!#one class the final project was to build a karaoke machine which my partner and i had planned on making look like actual speakers and#microphone but we couldn’t find the stuff in time and her mom made a joke abt singing into hairbrushes and we decided to take that and#run lol we used a pink sparkly makeup box to store our circuit and cut out holes for the speakers and decorated it with makeup and put the#hairbrush mics inside and it was very fun actually and our class voted us as one of the groups to go to project day which was pretty cool!!#project day did get canceled bc of. asnow day which was unfortunate especially considering we stayed up until 4am the night before#preparing our documents for it and trying to perfect the karaoke machine when we could have been putting that time toward project number#2 😐 but whatever we still get our extra credit and i can say i qualified for it so im happy enough#then project 2 was for another class but we’re lab partners in both (+ another guy for this project) and it was digital monster pet so we#made a dragon i was mostly on design so i hand CADed the whole thing which was living hell if i never want to lay eyes on solidworks#again but also he came out very cute after MUCH hasle putting him together with all the wires and components bc our wires from the kit are#so bad they’re constantly getting disconnected from each other which we didn’t know would happen bc the labs we usually do we don’t have to#connect them together like that since you’re not routing them thru bodies etc and they’ve worked great until now but anywya.#i did the lcd faces and the light sensor and a couple other things + a lot of the code was copy and paste from past labs and fitting it to#suit the project but for the most part it was a shit ton of hardware on my end while she and the other guy managed the rest of the code#which i really wish i could have been more involved with but oh well. as it is though he’s my baby i birthed him <3 we’re planning on#meeting up over weekends next semester to change some stuff and add other extra features that we missed we got a decent grade 85% but we#all agreed we don’t want to leave him like this we want to add the extra features we had come up with and also i think we should switch out#our motors for servos bc the motors we were required to use#instead suck they’re not strong at all compared to what a servo can do for you. also we want to make it so you can not only pet him which w#already have with light sensors but also wash him with a Hall effect sensor and magnet so like we’d stick the sensor inside and the magnet#inside a little cad brush or sponge is what im envisioning and i have an expression in mind for what we’d do then. also paint him and#redesign the platform he stands on bc it’s rlly cramped and also make a pcb bc we only have him with the microcontroller and breadboards rn#and i might mess with his face piece a bit too im not sure. oh and speakers!!! those were technically a requirement but we didn’t get them#done on time but i want to make him play music sooooo bad so definitely that. anyway want to be more involved in the software when we do#all this. pretty excited actually :]
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This week is truly hellacious because everything happens so much and I need it to be DONE.
#it's not even that everything is bad! it's just that THINGS KEEP HAPPENING#but i did have a very productive 2 hour call that also involved a lot of ttrpg talk so#but even that project is like. i need the portion due this weekend to be FINISHED#I'm so tired i want to sleep for a week but even once my projects are all done on Sunday THERE ARE STILL EVENTS#not even gonna tag this as school cuz it's everything#I need to do finals work but what i WANT is to lay facedown in the carpet
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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
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....
#au where barok does end up finding klints letter after genshin dies#goes thru a depression spiral where he gives up being a prosecutor because of his lose in faith#bUT does end up knowing about iris and in make sure she doesnt end up involved in the public blacklash against his brother#moves to japan (he found out about mikotobas original plan of taking iris with him)#what im saying is#10 years later english college major ryunosuke keeps running into this scary ass english man#in restaurants where he seems to drink his own weight in alcohol#and yeah he does sleep with him cause hes just as hot as he is scary#also in the back of his mind hes not 100% sure that barok ISNT a ghost of a man who was murdered in japan#hes just so pale and only seems to come out at night#a lot of thots about barok actually handing iris over to herlock and miktoba to do the majority of the raising because hes so so depressed#those first few yesrs#whivh means 2 things#mikotoba bringing herlock to Japan and essatially doing the 'meet ur new mom susato'#and susato getting to carry baby iris in one of those baby backpacks while she watches herlock eat dirt that was stuck on her shoe#and deducing her exact errand route
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#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#okay but this made me laugh so hard just because of how much it reminds me of misao JSJSJ LOL because she has had like casual 'flings'-#with people and is an addictive personality as i've talked about here once which includes her being a love junkie + getting into-#relationships with people because she is in love with the IDEA of being in love though falling in love with someone can't just happen-#like magic as it involves a bunch of hormones and stuff but misao kind of somewhat hopes that this person of interest to her will somehow-#complete her life anyhow which... yeah can definitely raise a few problems as people with a love addiction often attract love-#avoidant people because both of these types of people generally have a fear of being abandoned and controlled.#but whenever it comes to love-avoidant individual's they're also emotionally unavailable so 😬#it's unfortunately kinddd of a recipe for an unhealthy relationship that could very well lead to the both of them being in a bad place-#once they break up as misao as a love addict is constantly seeking out new love in particular as a lot of excitement and good feelings-#come with this particular type of love in particular. so yeahhh - i know that this may be a bit of a weird picture to do a meta to but-#SHHH lol i just thought it could possibly relate to her more long-term relationships that she's had with people as misao-#tends to avoid feelings of vulnerability with people as you may all know and so this leads to both her + the other person not really-#knowing what they are BC they haven't really established that deeper connection even though they've been together for a while.#not to say that i'm trying to blame misao for having problems with opening up or anything like that but she has a very disorganized-#attachment style i think and that leads to her often doing this continuous 'push and pull' thing in her romantic/sexual ships#where one moment she will want to be attached to the hip to them but the next she will be cold and distant from them.#so yeahhh. misao is honestly kind of like what i've said barton is before: a cake inside of a cake because i feel like she's got sides of-#herself that she doesn't even know about because she's been scared of being fully emotionally vulnerable with someone for a while now sadly#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.
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I'm sleepy, which means I'm imaging curling up with dilf alien f/o, we're in a circle bed/nest there's a translucent canopy to keep the bugs out because the balcony door is open letting in the pleasant breeze, and despite it being warm f/o has his wings wrapped around me and the little one in my arms to offer extra warmth despite the soft fuzzy blankets pulled over us
The little one is letting out meaningless little chirps and other sounds in his sleep little wings that can't even lift him yet twitching and flapping drawing a chuckle from his father who mutters about the little one dreaming of flying in the sky
F/o is struggling to stay awake because work keeps him gone longer than he'd like and he appreciates these little moments so much and wants to stay up as long as possible to just bask in this moment
F/o instead nuzzles his beak against my cheek in his best imitation of a kiss
#is this extremely specific why yes yes it is#did I have a certain f/o in mind while writing this and this is just me rambling about him under the ruse of a proper post#why also yes yes it is#how do I tag this#alien f/o#lot of my posts involve beds I feel like#I like sleeping and being cozy#I got 4 pillows and 6 blankets on my bed as we speak#apricot ramblings
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just took an adhd assessment and... i honestly dont see how this will be sufficient for giving me a diagnosis? i just had to take two tests, one where i had to hit the space bar when hearing a high pitch after a low pitch (as opposed to after *just* hearing the high pitch), and one where a bunch of letters flashed on the screen and i had to hit the space bar when any of them except for x popped up and like... i don't see how this has anything to do with any of the issues i actually experience in my life due to my probable adhd???? like ok i guess it has something to do with focus? which is a part of the whole adhd thing but not all of it? i did take a (very brief) adhd questionnaire as one of my intake forms before seeing this psych for the first time but that wasn't part of the assessment itself but even that (which was only like. 15 questions? maybe?) seemed like it had more to do with how i experience adhd
#idk man im not a psychiatrist or neurologist or whatever so maybe this is super evidence-based and works really well#though a quick google of what adult adhd assessments are supposed to be like seems to suggest that theyre usually way more involved#and even if the tests i did are a part of it theres usually a lot more bits#such as like. idk a LONGER self-assessment questionnaire where you can actually answer questions on how adhd symptoms impact your life?#shrugs#anyway i fucked up on the letters one a bunch so hopefully thats sufficient for whatever these things are supposed to test#also i havent got any communication whatsoever on when my results will come back or anything so thats great#ughhh#well at least its telemed so i got to do it in my jammies cozy in bed and i can just go back to sleep now#life of bea#adhd
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6 weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke…..
🏝️🤙🏄🏾♀️🏄🏼♂️💔
#seemed appropriate to use t swift lyrics since I associated so many of her songs with them &haven’t been able to listen to any of them sinc#I don’t even want to say their names#if you know you know#purging them from my life has been depressing as hell#I’m so fucking sick of behind the scenes bullshit ruining my favourite ships#this is the THIRD TIME this has happened to me btw#I’ve genuinely been in mourning#I’m not even exaggerating when I say that finale triggered a days long anxiety attack for me#it’s so ridiculous how something that wasn’t even real caused me to have physical symptoms of distress but it’s true#my heart wouldn’t stop racing. chest was tight. started shaking a few times. felt lightheaded. couldn’t sleep. eating made me sick#it was awful#but now I’ve mostly moved on to anger#I’m angry at a lot of people involved for different reasons#I’m also angry because I’ve lost my inspiration to write#I was solely committed to writing about them the past few years and now that they’re over I have no desire to write for them or another shi#I’m crushed that I’ve lost my joy for writing those ficlets but it’s too painful now. probably always will be tbh#feeling pretty lost creatively…#thank god I made a new friend on here before shit hit the fan#she and I have been venting out our sadness and frustrations together and it’s helped a lot#I hope everyone else in the fandom was able to find support like I did#I know my exit from the fandom was abrupt but I had just finished watching and was reacting purley on raw emotion#but I still think it was my best way to cope with it all#apologies for the rant and to everyone following me who don’t know wtf I’m talkimg about but I was thinking about them today#and I needed to unload a bit#I’m not going to tag anything but I do miss this fandom terribly#I’m still at a point where I don’t want to hear anything about this show or ship ever again… but yeah… I really miss those good times#take me back to the season 3 hype#THIS is the bad place#personal#laura says things
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I might catch some flack for this but I'm gonna say it:
The original music in Life and Trust is better than the music from Sleep No More
#oooo the SNM stanss are gonna come for meee#Just kidding like 3 people on this site talk about these shows#i am enthralled with the music of thos show so much. I saw a few scenes last night involving a piano and it was exhilarating#the action scenes the romance scenes the depressing scenes - all beautifully composed#i wish they would sell a vinyl of their score like take my money PLEASE#anyways got a see a lot of people that i never really interact with as much I didnt really get a full loop anyone like I like to do#but i got the majority of one persons loop that I really liked.#i spent 10 minutes trying to find 2 characters I am very interested in only to realize that they were both out that day 😭😭#and I couldnt find the character I wanted to follow at ALL last night but I left very satisfied#also I like the set a lot more than SNM it feels a lot more managable while also being incredibly vast and complex#Life and Trust#Sleep No More#Emursive#Punchdrunk#snm#l$t
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