#it almost feels like there WASNT life before all this shit. there practically wasnt

[angelstrawbabie420]

perhaps it’s the fact i’m MUCH more severely traumatized now so the thoughts and pain are literally inescapable but does anyone else ever have a really bad sober day and think wow. so uhm how the absolute fuck in hell did i ever EVER cope with life before substances.

[hellsgreatestfaggot]

Dom!Abby x Reader : Abby eats you out until you cum …

warnings: Slight Sadomasochism, forced stimulation, degredation, Hate-sex, fingering

*disclaimer* this is like the third smut fic ive ever wrote so erm it might be a little bad! anyway if you want to skip directly to the porn look for the ‘‼️‼️‼️’ ! leave suggestions and enjoy

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It was the brisk morning of april 12th. You were walking alone in the mountains of what used to be the quiet, dainty town of los osos, California. You were on the road for 3 weeks, travelling from seattle to the coast. Trying to find the people who the WLF had made some sort of weird deal with. it wasnt easy, you were supposed to be traveling with someone, but you felt like you didnt need her. you could handle a mission on your own, right?

what irked you more was that your almost-was partner was your competitor. Abby Anderson. she’d been nice to you, she considered you two to be close, but youd eventually had grown jealous of her. her physique, her skillful way of getting the job done, her attractiveness.. yet still, even in your jealousy, something made you wish you could…was it be like her? be with her? be friends with her? honestly you didnt know and you could care less. she was the least of your problems.the leaves crunched underneath your boots, but then suddenly you heard a noise which made you stop dead in your tracks. “What the fuck made that noise?” you thought to yourself, slightly intimidated. You turned around to see a tall woman with a bulky figure and a leather coat, staring back down at you. you jumped back, not expecting someone to be behind you, but a wave of relief washed over you as you realized it was just Abby.

“Suprise”, said a low voice. “What the fuck Abby you scared me half to death?” “Sorry bout’ that , i didnt mean ta’ scare you.” she said with a laugh. “Whatever lets just get this shit over with.” you huffed. you hated her, hated the way she followed you, hated her smile, hated the way she stood behind you like some kind of bodygaurd. she practically towered over you. you needed to get it out of your system, you needed to desperately. you wanted to fuck her, but not nescesarily in a loving way, you wanted it to hurt. deep down you knew it was wrong to feel that way, she just made you angry. shed always been loyal and kind, maybe thats the reason you were still somehow drawn to her.

You walked with her for ages, talking about all sorts of things, from the mission, to your love life, until you stumbled upon a few houses just around the top of the mountains. “Its getting kinda late, why dont we stay here? just for tonight, well be back on the road by morning.” Abby asked, her Greenish-blue eyes looking you up and down, before meeting her eyes with yours and smiling gently. “Yeah sure..whatever..” You replied, desperately trying to ignore the cocky smile on her face.

Abby knew something was wrong. she couldnt quite figure out what it was? was it because she came anyway? Nah, she knew youd eventually need her. you both stepped inside one of the houses, making sure it was clear for the night. inside there was a living room, a bedroom, a kitchen, and a bathroom. kinda wimpy for a house but nonetheless it was better than nothing. You sat on the couch while abby took off her bulky jacket, revealing a almost see through white tank top. it flattered her muscular body perfectly. You felt your cheeks heat up, and started squirming, trying to adjust yourself without her noticing. But of course she noticed.

‼️‼️‼️

“Whats wrong, sweetheart…” she said calmly. “are you tired…? or do you just want sm’more?” she giggled. You tried to laugh it off but she sat next to you, grabbing on your thighs subconsciously, which just made you feel horny. You let out a sigh, thinking to yourself if you were really about to let her fuck you as if you were some sort of prostitute. yeah you totally were. A shiver ran down your spine as her cold hands traced over your thighs, your body yearned for her touch. “Lets make this quick, what do you say princess.?” She said in a low, raspy voice. You didnt wanna wait anymore, eagerly ripping your clothes off. itd been way too long since youd been touched, and maybe a hate fuck was what you needed?

She parted your thighs, removing your underwear which exposed your throbbing cunt. She could practically smell your exitement. Taking one finger and in one swoop, grazing over your heat. you Gasped, looking down at Abby, who just as you made eye contact buried her face into your sopping wet pussy. Her skilled tounge Lapping ferociously at your clit, Brought you close in a matter of seconds. just as you were about to finish she pulled away, a string of spit connecting the two to eachother. “Whyd you stop?” She glared up at you. “Stop fucking squiriming, Slut.” She grappled at your thighs holding them still, and immediately went back to eating you out. You felt tears well up in your eyes, you grabbed her hair, shoving her face even deeper, and grinding on her , desperate for any friction you could get. Her muffled grunts becoming more intense and focused as she inserted 2 fingers inside of your aching hole. “ahah..a-bby..” was all you managed to get out. you felt your orgasm approaching rapidly, Bucking your hips up, crying out for her to keep going. “Hnh…f-faster…a-ab-by..m’gonna cum…”

She looked up for a moment at the mess she was able to create, huffing under her breath, “fucking whore. cant get enough.” and diving back down, her tounge swirling on your sensitive bud. Your high hit you like a ton of bricks, and you came all over her face, exhausted. but she didnt stop, she kept going, forcing you to take the rest of her rough licking, riding out your orgasm. when she finally stopped she made eye contact with you and licked your juices off her fingers, and kissing you, forcing you to taste yourself. “good job princess… you did so well.” She planted a kiss on your neck before giving you her jacket, and cleaning up the mess you had made. you laid on top of her, and found yourself secure in the knowledge shed be there when you awoke.

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A/N

i want to ride abbys face

This was pretty fun to write, leave some ideas or tips pretty please🙏🏽🙏🏽

[icarusredwings]

One of my favorite things is people just yelling Logan at him because he likes when people use his name but at the same time its always for the most annoying shit. The only one really excluded from this is when Beast shouts his name after "Wolverine" didn't work but he goes "Gotcha" and then Beast like "You almost put me into cardiac arrest! This shed 2 years off of my life!"

Scott could literally walk up in this mans space, yell Logan at him, and then when he asks, "What!?" He's like."So what are you doing tomorrow?" Instead of- you know, just asking like a normal person.

Then you have Wade.

"My big boy logan is aboutta fuck you up! Awww What a good boy you are! Oh yes you are~!"

The only other exception, too, is when Charles knows he's having a difficult time and is like, "I know you, Logan. Feel it in your heart. You were young once, too."

You also can not convince me that he did not at least once lay in Charles lap and cry to him about his struggles. I wouldn't even be surprised if sometimes he let him sleep in his bed but never told anyone because he doesn't want the others to make fun of him. The wolverine has a reputation to uphold.

I think this applies to all of the xmen, though.

SPOILERS FOR THE LOGAN MOVIE:

How charles acted in Logan gave me MASSIVE "Its okay, son, you can cry, I won't tell anyone, not even the wind" vibes. I know he's "the dad" figure of the x men, but he had a soft spot for the "bad" kids, and you can't convince me otherwise. How he treated laura, who was practically nonverbal for a while, on edge, screamed at everyone, growled, jumped up to kill people, and yet Charles treated her like a precious little angel.

The way he came to Charles and whimpered "It wasnt me, it wasnt me" to him while trying to keep him alive.. and seconds before hand charles told the fake Logan that this was the happiest day of his life in a super long time.. it made me cry.

Hell, I wanna cry now. I miss Charles ...

I know deep down he knew it wasn't Logan and still said it because he knew he was about to die. A dead mans confession so valuable that it didn't even get to the proper recipient.

I also love how Laura was INSTANTLY on that mans back. Like she didn't give a shit if it was him or not, she loved Charles like a grandfather, and that is the one thing I will say about the Wolverine family. They're loyal. They might bark at you and bite the hand that feeds them, but they wouldn't stand there and let you get hurt.

This applies even to the Worst wolverine. Because he never stayed. He left because he couldn't bare to watch and knew if he stayed, he'd fight.

[leincendiaire]

anyways salty thoughts. dont expect me to be nice

this is the one problem not exclusive to the finale, god ed's character arc just. didnt do it for me at all. I excused it before cuz I thought it would pay off as the season went on but nope. he never had a genuine apology moment, just that youtuber apology like gag and the cat collar joke. like they literally show us how the crew was completely scarred by his actions but theyre later just completely fine with him on board???? and stede keeps being his biggest stan when I think he would have been like hey what the fuck!! im sorry I hurt you but I am not responsible for your actions and you hurt my crew whom I hold very dear!! I love ed but Fuck he really went too far those first episodes and he never makes up for it. they only ever focus on His Own self journey, not how he hurt and traumatized practically every other character.

"well, I think narratively izzy's death made sense but—" no!! no it fucking didnt!! im sorry but it was just lazy writing!! they didnt know what to do with him so whoops he gets shot in the dumbest way possible. like, this aint my first rodeo, it aint the first time ive seen a character start off on their character journey to happiness only for writers to give up on it and kill them off. it's a tiring fucking trope tbh and I really wish they hadnt fallen into this trap. like his death scene wasnt good either, if youre gonna do it at least focus on his relationship with the crew, you know, the people he came to accept as family? not the man Who Shot Off His Fucking Leg And Almost Killed Him? I know they had an important relationship but that shit should have been talked about way beforehand, it deserved closure. they should have acknowledged they werent good for each other and made peace with it. izzy deserved a death with people who actually made him happy. ALSO THEY BURY HIM ON FUCKING LAND?????? he spent his life at sea!!!! he is the most devoted out of everyone to being a pirate and you bury him next to your fucking inn???? fucking twats istg

lastly I swear they forgot stede is the main character. they forgot literally everything about how to write him. he gets No Focus in the finale, and every scene he is in is bullshit. I actually wanted to punch my screen every time there was a joke about him being incompetent or whatever. like, hello??? thought we left that shit in s1??? he had Multiple Episodes about learning to be a pirate and adjusting to his new life and gaining more skills but no. he is just silly old loserboy for his cool war criminal boyfriend now. literally no skills or experience whatsoever. ok sure yea thats totally how he acted the rest of the season. also the fuck is it with him staying behind to run the inn with ed?? wasnt the whole conflict last episode their different desires out of life, with ed wanting to start a normal life and stede wanting to be a pirate?? when the Fuck did he change his mind. who are you and have you done with my boy

honestly I feel bad because jenkins is actually a good writer and the whole fandom really expected a lot from a man making his second show, and I think there were a lot of budget cuts and production issues so I can see why it turned out this way. he is probably mad about this too, I bet the cast also, like even the acting in this episode didnt feel passionate, and thats saying a lot since these actors really love this show. im just frustrated. man. time to write fics ig

[hanhan-22]

240719

I guess it didnt mattered , all that I felt miserable and lonely were just a miniscule of what i shall be upset about . Right how did I forgot who was I , how I was raised once born in an ill fated family there shall be no scape.

I dont want to be the selfish heartless bastard she only has me to listen to her thats all she had been doing since i was born just pouring her feelings on me cause she had no other friend or just feared so desperately that people see her not so perfect side and just prefered to dump it on me. Years and years of constant torture on my soul due to sin of being born as child of a narcissit, a bastard that enjoyed manipulating and ruling over his so called family only to become bold enough to point his finger back at the victoms and act as one left me with shattered soul with almost no pain no tear just an never ending sense of disgust about mankind everyone and everything. Thats what happens when you let predators rule over you they never get satisfied with crushing you ,with no fear no shame no guilt and once bored move on and justify whether you deserved or it had in some way benefited YOU ,almost like an animal if dont take it an insult for the animal.

Thats what happened to her , raised as a people pleaser with severe good girl syndrome , married in a pink bubble gum vision shattered by betrayal . Started over but never healed settled for sth she thought others wont snatch and ppl would assume as a good catch for her position , trapped in with a narcissit abuser which used her people pleasing and empathy as a tool to tame her into extreme abundment issues while she raised her children and they became her hope for future , their best friend and somebody on their team and a good excuse to never address this sick stockholm syndrome. Cynicall enough afterall she still uses her resources to keep it all together , she still asks me to be a pawn on the board game to continue this shit while i ask myself shouldnt i havr been protected yes she is miserable but shouldnt she left long before become so broken, shoulnt i deserved to know human emotions and actually feel them wasnt the little me deserved a bit more childhood before numbing my feelings and use hatred as a driven force to escape.

Dont get me wrong i dont blame her the real demon real out of human the piece of good for nothing shit and bastard is my father , the only thing i blsme her is that she didnt see the worst coming thinking garbage has potential and didnt left early before us get damaged this bad.

And i wake up everyday asking what is wrong with me , why there is no will to live or actually more curious on how others are so driven and earnest for life. How should i thrive higher with this altered brain designed to survive misery. What i want while never fully familiarized with simple emotional clues related to choice freedome or happiness. Complex ptsd they say, one shall never actually heal from it but rather with lots of practice gets very skilled at managing it properly in order to live a normal life . Normal well true havent achieved it since the scape , fear of losing fear of getting back fear of not deserving what achieved loneliness and then losing the sense of living time place and even pain .

I feel bad for her i may not care to continue or not but she does want to live, yes she is using me and damaging me too but at least it is done without meaning it unlike the abuser which caused the cptsd of 25 years. Therefore i need to survive once more become better becoming more i dont know how and i fear i wont be capable but as always no one cares what i fear or feel so i shall adopt and suvive.

[cartridgecharge]

okay, well. starting with their dad: hes dead, lol

he was also the 1.0 wol, so he disappeared in carteneau and was practically wiped out of everyones mind. he had a HUGE influence on lugh'a and his sister, basically their gateway to the world at large when the siblings were growing up in an isolated village. he helped lugh'a figure out hes trans, and he was also the reason why lugh'a first wanted to be an adventurer

with his fathers disappearance, both physically and, like, memory-wise i guess, a huge chunk of lugh'as motivations disappeared without a trace and it practically sent him to a spiral of unexplained grief and depression. and he wasnt the only one! his sister too. but anyway their fathers impact on their lives and eventual disappearance set off a domino effect that eventually ends with lugh'a leaving the black shroud bitter and enraged at his mother *and* himself for feeling the way he did, and it set the bitter, impersonal attitude he displays throughout arr

that said, lugh'a currently has a bad relationship with his mother, though he wants to make up with her she seems set on pretending she no longer has a son. its a long story but the summary (kinda) is that she blames lugh'a for her imprisonment (she almost got lugh'a killed btw due to leaking info to poachers), shes mad that lugh'a decided to take on the role he was raised to do his entire life despite coming out and transitioning, shes also mad that her children decided to stay in gridania after the shit they had to put up with from them after the calamity (she thinks lugh'a persuaded his sister to stay and she felt she had no choice but to stick with her kids, bc family first!!!!) and its bc of these reasons that lugh'a endured verbal abuse from her until he eventually snapped and *almost* hit her. then he managed to catch himself and immediately left the same day out of shame and fear of what she would do if he stuck around after that display of anger

he stayed out of touch for like two years (spanning arr and hw) and when he finally came back bc he needed the rest, she practically treated him like a atranger in his own home. any attempts of reconciliation was met with silence, so every visit was terrible for lugh'a until he decided to no longer visit and cut ties with his family altogether

its not all that bad though, bc hydaelyn managed to reverse the mind wipe spell as one of her last gifts to lugh'a before peacing out. it wasnt a perfect reversal: she only managed to undo the spell on lugh'a and even *that* wasnt perfect, lugh'a cant remember his name nor how he looked, but being able to recall he had a father who taught him the beauty of the world and the people living in it was a great enough gift for him, and the realisation that lugh'a finally saw what his father did pretty much reignited the love he has for his father *AND* adventuring. yeah.

What is your WoL's relationship like with their parents, if any, if they remember them?

[dontforgetabtme]

Out of Ten

AHHH my first fic!!! i rlly hope u like it! it could probably be a lot better but i was just rlly eager to post soemthing!

elliot x f!reader, 18+

not my gif x

Just like every other day, you found yourself laying on Elliot’s bed, higher than the time before. Only this time you were joined by Rue and Jules.

Before today there was only three times you had imagined how Elliot would look in between your thighs, or maybe with his mouth around your nipple, or even how his mouth would hang open while he thr- , anyway, you get the point. And these three times were each when you and him were alone and without the company of your friends making out in the corner, trying to act like Jules wasn’t knuckle deep into Rue right now.

“Yo, if you’re trying to make her cum you should use your thumb aswell, makes girls go wild.” Elliot said sarcastically, smirking and nudging you to look at Jules’ horrified expression.

To any normal friend group the idea of doing anything remotely sexual in front of your friends seems traumatic, and quite frankly weird. But we were so out of our minds at this point, that the only thing i cared about right now was how ever so slowly Elliot’s hand was creeping over to my thigh. You didn’t stop him of course. Have you seen that man?

You ignored him however, and continued to light the new joint you had found on his nightstand. His hand stopped moving. And you felt yourself release air from your nose in disappointment.

Over in the corner, the girls had finally finished, and you were waiting for someone to say how fake Rue’s orgasm was. Luckily, Elliot has zero filter and laughed, making Jules look over to him with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and her feelings hurt.

“I swear to god that was the fakest thing i’ve ever heard in my life, i’ve seen better cheap porn than that.” not going to lie, he did make you laugh, even though you could practically feel how embarrassed Jules was, her cheeks turning a red colour.

“It wasn’t fake, she’s very good at this stuff.” Was what Rue replied with, it was slurred and slow. She leaned her head back against the wall too hard and moaned in pain, it sounded more like an orgasm than the sound she made earlier.

At this point you and Elliot couldn’t stop laughing. This was the result of you guys almost every time you smoked together, giggling non-stop until his cousin comes in and tells you guys to shut the fuck up.

“i bet you couldn’t make a girl cum Elliot, you’re all talk and you know it.”

Elliot got upset by this accusation.

You could see it in his eyes how he felt determined to show her that her inference was completely false. So, in your high state, you offered. You offered Elliot to eat me out. For him to prove to Jules that he could not only make you cum, but that he could give you the best orgasm you had ever had in your life. And man, did he do it.

When you offered, you shocked yourself. blinking hard a few times to try and wake up from your wet dream. Rue opened her eyes wide, Jules’ mouth dropped, and Elliot, well, he just got hard. He mouthed the words ‘are you serious’ and you nodded, once again an action you had no control in preforming.

You were perched against the pillows on his bed, when he slowly removed your shorts.

“D- do you like, want us to leave or?” Jules questioned. so which Elliot responded, “No, just watch and learn, Vaughn.”

He came back up to kiss you. It felt like you had never been kissed before, the feeling of his tongue swirling around yours made your thighs clench in anticipation. The kiss was short, but was not at all regrettable. Sometimes you could feel his lips on yours when he’s wasnt even kissing you. His hand slipped up underneath your bra and he pinched and twisted your nipple until you moaned.

After a while of grasping and releasing my breast, he finally said, “I’m good at this shit but i can’t take a bra off to save my fucking life.” you smiled at him. Then you sat up, took of your bra, and threw it.

“You are so fucking hot.”

Before you could reply, he kissed you again. only this time he held your face in his hands and kissed you harder, this time he kissed you rough. You were growing impatient almost as fast as his dick was growing hard, so you removed your own underwear, scrunched it up and placed it in the pocket of his jeans; you never got that pair back.

Still drunk of the alcohol of his lips, you didn’t register where he was until he sucked on my clit. pulling off of the bud with a ‘pop’. He licked a strip up your slit, held your hips down, and smirked when he said, “Stop moving baby.” Your eyes rolled to back of your head of the feeling of his mouth dipping inside of you, along with the tickle of his stubble against your inner thighs. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, he used his thumb to rub your clit.

You was a mess at this point, so much was going on at once that all you could think about was him.

“Fuck , El, i’m cumming. Please don’t st- stop, fuck” Your moans weren’t even really coherent at this point. it was just a string of curses and his name mixed into one.

“Go ahead baby, cum.”

Those four words sent you over the edge and you came the best you had ever came. It took you about five minutes to even catch your breathe again. Elliot was sat on the end of his bed just staring at you, staring at how much of effect he had on you.

Jules and Rue were just sat there, complete confused as to what had just happened.

“Y/N baby, how would you rate that out of ten?” Elliot asked me, smugly.

You couldn’t reply, you simply sat there and smiled, given them the answer they needed.

[katzcolorz]

Im a bit confused seeing people say that rickys character is regressing. Like yes obviously hes been involved in a love triangle before. But he is so clearly handling the two situations so differently.

With Nini his love was almost obsessive due to all the external factors happening in his life at the time. Even going as far as to kinda meddle in Nini and Ej’s relationship. His parents splitting up and having to move out of his childhood home. He didnt know how to deal with change and it scared him. Nini was a comfort and a constant to him so he latched on to her as to feel more grounded and safe even if it wasnt really healthy for either of them.

With Gina he has been nothing but supportive of her and Ej’s relationship because he truely wants the best for Gina and wants her to be happy. Even if it isnt with him. He knows that he’s hurt Gina in the past. This is Gina’s first relationship and regardless if i like portwell or not, it is special. We can see countless times throughout this season that even though he does have feelings for Gina he pushes them down so that Gina and Ej can be in their happy bubble.

For example: he doesnt pry or ask Gina what Ej and her are fighting about during episode 5. Even goes as far as to plug his ears when they are arguing lmao.

When Ej asks him about Gina he doesnt try to talk shit or get involved and just tells Ej how important the show is to Gina.

He helps Gina plan a surprise promposal for Ej even though it is killing him to see her with someone else but he knows it will make Gina happy.

He practices his lines and puts his all into the show because he wants to be a good leading man for Gina. ( also parallel this to his behaviour towards theatre in the last two season (thank u ashlynn for pointing it out) hes really improved and seems to be doing his best work). He urges Jet to be involved in the show because the cast is depending on him and it is important to Gina. Vs his moment in season 1 when he walks out of the show because he cant be the best for Nini.

Idk y’all to me this seems like the opposite of character regression. Ricky has grown a-lot. Some people maybe jaded by the fact that he’s seems to be only “doing this for Gina” but i think he is also doing it for himself. He can see the growth in himself when he compared himself to Jet. When we meet Jet he’s very abrasive and doesnt want to be involved in theatre at all because he’s pushing down all his own issues and doesnt want to deal with them.

The one moment i might be able to see this claim is when Ej and Ricky are practicing the stage slap. However, I think Ricky had moment of weakness and snapped due to all of the pressure and stress that has been building up inside him having to watch Gina with someone else. Was it right? No. But other than this moment the argument that Ricky is regressing to me doesnt really make sense.

Idk just my thoughts 🤷🏻‍♀️☺️

[simpforhoon]

pretty. (l.hs) *ೃ༄

Pairing: heeseung x fem! reader

Genre: Smut (daddy kink, slight choking, making out, fingering, semi-clothed sex, marking, penetrative sex, breeding kink)

Word Count: 1k

synopsis: heeseung thinks you look really pretty and can’t help himself from fucking you then and there. (basically heeseung is horny)

Warnings: unprotected sex (please use protection!)

please note, this work is purely that of fiction. and not meant to represent what the enhypen members are like in real life.

A/N: okay so this was just an idea I had off the top of my head, and I was bored, so I wrote it! I hope you enjoy and don’t hesitate to give feedback!

you’d gone shopping with your friends that day, going to a number of stores at the mall, picking out outfits for each other and having fun. it was when you entered this one store that sunoo started calling your name from the other end of the store, running back to you with the cutest skirt in his arms, and a shit eating grin on his adorable face. he shoved the skirt into your arms and pushed you in the direction of the trial rooms to try it on. you weren’t gonna lie, you looked really pretty, and super adorable in it. sunoo’s compliments only letting that thought settle in further, as you changed back into your clothes and headed back towards the register to pay for it.

heeseung wasn’t back from practice yet when you got home, so after showering quickly, you pulled the skirt out of the bag it was in on the table, and rushed back to your room to try it on, connecting your phone to the speaker in the process. you were so absorbed in your music and how the skirt looked on you that you didn’t even notice heeseung walk in and stand at the door to your room, lean against the door frame and watch you. you looked so happy, twirling about in front of the mirror and giggling that he couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face.

“you look so pretty, baby” he said, the words coming out of his mouth before he could stop himself. you nearly jumped in fright as you caught him standing there. “oh gosh you really scared the living shit out of me heeseung!” you whined, holding your hand to your chest dramatically.“how long have you been standing there?” you asked. “not long at all” he chuckled, sitting down on the edge of the bed and patting his thighs, silently asking you to sit on his lap with a smirk on his face. you huffed and walked over to him swinging one leg over him and straddling his thighs.

he smiled softly, bringing his large hands under your thighs to pull you closer and run his hands up and down your now bare thighs. you shuddered and bit your lip as goosebumps rose along your arms and legs and heeseung noticed, lips curving up into a large smile. “you do look really really pretty though, my pretty baby”. and that was all it took for heat to start spreading through your body, your face feeling hot as you leaned down to bury your head in the crook of his neck as he let out a laugh. “heeseung stoooooop” you whined. “but it’s true, isnt it? I’m sure you know how pretty you look as well by now, considering I just caught you checking yourself out” he whispered, bringing his lips to your neck to place kisses there, nibbling on your soft skin, leaving small marks everywhere.

“hee noooo please” you whimpered softly, your face getting hotter as he traced little figures onto your thighs and back. “now, that’s not my name is it, pretty baby?” “….no” you whispered back, voice muffled by the sweater he was wearing. “then what is it? say it, or I won’t give you what I know you want” he said, his hands resting dangerously close to your core. “please daddy”. he smiled at the words that came out of your mouth and gently pulled your face out from where it rested on his shoulder, hands cupping your jaw as he made you look him in the eye, pulling you in for a kiss, as he moved the two of you to lay on the bed, his taller frame covering yours almost completely.

your shirt and panties had been carded off a long time ago, you couldn’t place when, being too lost in the haze of his warm hands on your body and his soft lips on yours. “you look so cute with this skirt on baby, I don’t want to take it off at all” he murmured, running his fingers up and down your aching core, never pressing hard enough and never going in. you bucked your hips up against his hands and whined. “daddy please, I want you”. he smirked as he moved his hands to trail over your stomach. “where do you want me angel? you’re going to have to use your words”. “i-i want you to finger me please” you managed to get out. “good girl” he whispered, as he plunged a finger into your soaking core, your back arching off the pillows at the sensation. it didnt take long for him to add another finger, and then another before he was thrusting three fingers in and out of you at a fast pace. his other hand reached up to wrap around your neck, pressing down on it, not too hard but just enough to make you gasp. as the knot in your stomach got bigger and bigger, you pleaded with him to let you have your release. “daddy please, please let me cum”. that was all it took for him to pull his fingers out all of a sudden, leaving you empty and aching as your let out a loud whine. “if you’re gonna cum sweetheart, it’s going to be on daddy’s cock” he said, unbuckling his belt and pulling his pants down.

he lined himself up against your entrance and slid in easily giving you a moment to adjust before sliding in and out at a steady pace slowly going faster and faster. “you look so pretty all fucked out for me, daddy’s very own pretty little cockslut, I can’t wait to fill you up with my cum” his words were all it took for your climax to approach again, and he could feel it in the way you clenched around him. “that’s it, cum for me pretty girl, let go” he whispered as the knot in your stomach burst and covered his cock with your cum. it didnt take long for him to cum either, as he let go, shooting his cum inside you. “I really hope you’re on the pill baby” he said as you nodded weakly. he pulled out of you before walking to the bathroom to get a wet cloth and he cleaned you up gently before helping you out of your skirt and changing you into some of his clothes. it wasnt long before you were bundled up in bed, snuggled up against him. “I wasn’t too rough was I baby?” he asked. “not at all babe, you were amazing, thank you.” he smiled before letting you close your eyes and fall asleep.

[venushasvixens]

October 4th - Hunter/Prey (Din Djarin x Reader) / Kinktober 2021

[A/N] first time ever writing with Mando, and was a lot of fun ✨

WARNING: 18+, contains adult content

Night time.

You didn't take this game so seriously. It was a fun frolic in the woods of Endor, long after the battle of the moon. For once, you wanted to feel like the bounty, running for their dear life from the feared hunter. You had overgone the rules with Din, who thought you were crazy for asking such a fucked up request. Masking it as practice, you really see how quickly the Mandalorian could find you, even if you did decide to run away if you had a falling out.

It wasnt exactly a clear view around you, masked by trees and foliage. Outfit consisting of browns and greens, you made sure that there was no way to find you at all for a good three hours. But a rustle here and there behind you made you oddly suspicious. Paranoia got the better of you, your head snapping back to see what the source of the noise was. It was only an hour, and he gave you a head start. How could he have found you this quickly?

Your flight or fight kicked in. As you ran through the brush, your hood fell off, your hair bellowing in the wind. Great, you thought. All the better to get you caught. Panic seeped into your shoulders as the feeling of being watched grew stronger. You could’ve swore you saw the glint of silver beskar catch your eye in the distance. Just as you come onto a stream and a few large rocks, you hid yourself behind, trying to make yourself blend in as quickly as possible.

The running waters could overcome your panting, while the rocks gave you some shelter to hide behind. One more look around, and your attention went instantly to your tracker. Opening the small screen, you could see a little dot some distance away, inching closer to your location. You prayed that it was an Ewok, since they were so easy to fight off. All you had to do was kick them and they would go flying. Your eyes grew wide as you glanced back onto your tracker, the dot now gone. Oh shit.

“Found you.”

Fear filled your body as you felt the strong hands of the Mandalorian picked you up like a rag doll and shove you into a rock. You came face to face with his smooth daunting mask, not sure whether or not you were looking him straight in the eye underneath his helmet.

“And so the hunter has caught his prey.” Din said, his voice hoarse and amused. His large body pressed right into yours, he made sure you felt all that you had done to him. Unbeknownst to you, watching you ran away from him made Din excited. It was primal and animalistic as he craved to catch you, bringing you in and using you as a reward for catching his prey.

And now that you were here, he has to take his reward now.

The only light was that from the stars, and even that wasn’t enough. You heard the clang of Din’s helmet as it fell onto the ground, and two strong hands lifting your legs around his waist. You gasped as you felt, through however many layers of clothes, his hard cock pressed against your clothed cunt.

“So that's why you were so eager to find me?” You huffed as Din grinded and thrusted against you. You could feel the want and need in his arms as they held you tightly, yelping as he bit down onto your neck.

“I-I couldn't hold it in any longer,” Din’s voice cracked into the small of your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin, “I-I could just eat you u-up, right here, right now.”

Those words sent a shiver down your spine. He needed you so badly, his love bites only a fraction of what he was going to do to you. You could feel your cunt jolt as you craved just as much as he did, allowing yourself to be used and fucked to his liking.

“Then take me.”

That was all you said, a signal to Din for his mauling. In a flash of motion, your pants were thrown off to the side, and pulled down almost all the way. He was going to take you standing, holding your thighs in his strong hands. You both let out a pained moan as he sheathed himself inside you entirely. Balls deep, his thick member stretched you out entirely, threatening to split you in half.

As he ram his hips into your cunt, all you could do was gasp as you tried to adjust to him. It sent waves of ecstasy with each thrust, his strokes erratic as he aimed to drink in this moment. How desperately you wanted to see the expression on his face, lost and concentrated as he fucked into your tight hole. You felt so small as Din engulfed your body, but that was perfect. You were easy enough to handle and control and thats how Din liked it with you when it came to this.

“G-gods, I’m making you mine tonight,” He snarled in your ear as his hips rolled even harder into you, stamina stronger than before. “You’re all mine.”

At first all he wanted was to be inside you, using your pussy to milk him for all the cum he had in him. It was with precision as his cock hit your cervix with each stroke, making sure that every inch of your pussy was marked with his touch. All you could do was scream as he tore into you, a howl that pierced the night sky. The squelching sounds of your juices was drowned out by all the feral cacophony that emitted from your mouths. Caterwauls, moans and yowls as you felt the incoming explosive ball of euphoria looming over you both.

“P-please, oh stars, D-din.” You cried, nails digging into the back of his head. You decided this was the time to return his favor by biting down onto his exposed neck, latching on. You only made it worse as Din sped up, nearly knocking you out unconscious by the brutal force of it.

You were already over the edge, mindlessly cumming on his cock. Overstimulated, your orgasm stretched out longer than normal, something that has never happened before. One, two, three thrusts was all it took as hot ropes of cum spurted inside you, the Mandalorian completely unhinged. Each pant sounded so pained, full of relief but with a beastly undertone. It was so similar to the sound of a monster coming to the end of a fight, attempting to calm down and retreat, with a few scratches here and there.

Your cheek rested onto Din’s cold beskar chest plate. As you tried to catch your breath, you could hear the Mandalorian trying to utter a few words as they got caught in his throat. It brought you immense pride that you rendered one of the most feared bounty hunter’s in the galaxy speechless.

“You’re amazing.” He finally said, leaving a kiss on the temple of your forehead. “D-didnt know you had that in you, angel.”

“Don’t act like you didn't have any part in it.” You smiled weakly, feeling the soft gumble of a chuckle vibrate against your face.

“Now, come on,” he groaned as lifted off himself, “lets get back to the ship.”

[mithliya]

hey i just wanted to say thank you for talking about your SA. i actually had a very similar experience w/ a guy i was really good friends with in high school.

he was my best friend, but i got pressured into dating him by my friends, family, his parents. (his mom guilted me into being w/ him 🙄 practically stalked me til i said yes)

he ended up abusing me for nearly 3 years.

and in that time i wrote stupid notes or letters to him making sex jokes cuz i was a KID. the lawyer we hired blamed me for his actions bc of the letters bc of he did 🤦🏻‍♀️

but even still, some weird part of me misses our friendship that we had before other people started meddling in our business. it makes me feel guilty sometimes, and other times it's relief. iunno trauma is weird.

uh but yeah. thank you for sharing, i know it's hard to talk about and be open with this sort of thing. i just wanted to say that you aren't alone as a lesbian who wrote dumb things as a kid or who missed/misses what friendship you had before your friend SA'd.

i think it's also extremely fucked up for people to judge your sexuality based on the way you tried to cope in the past, let alone now.

just know that a lot of women, myself included, really appreciate you being here c:

hey thank u for sharing ur story with me ❣️ honestly the thing that rly hurt about it looking back is it was in a v vulnerable time in my life. i rly had practically nobody. i lost almost all my friends bc i was suddenly a "whore" for getting raped. i would get these messages on all my social media accounts like "you deserved it" "you were seducing him" "haha hes living a good life and youre cutting yourself looooooooool pathetic!!". my friend group went from a lot of my school (small school but its normal for bahrain) to like ... 4 people in bahrain. one of them was that guy that had a crush on me since we were like 11. he would stand between me n my rapist and went to the principal about it so that i would have lesser proximity and was one of the only people who seemed to empathise w my situation. i felt quite indebted to him n everyone would repeatedly call me an idiot and tell me i should be with him and my mom would say she wishes he could be her son in law or w/e and at one point he started insisting that we are together despite me telling him no we are not & that i dont want to be w him. i gave up on saying no eventually n just went along with all of it. i felt like i was stupid for saying no ??? ppl kept telling me i was n i was like huh i guess i am. never said no again rly, up until the very end where i could no longer ignore it n keep putting myself thru any of that. after leaving that situation i saw how fucked up it was that there were all these obvious signs and me obviously signalling TO HIS FACE that i dont want to be w him, that im not interested in him, that it was further traumatising me n harming my mental health, and also the times where what he was doing would fall under SA....idk i felt stupid for facing one male friend taking advantage of me and then another one doing it soon after right in front of my face n i thought it was somehow different and normal and ok simply bc i wasnt getting downright threatened. but i know if someone else didnt hear my rape story n tell me "uh thats rape and thats fucked up" to begin with i wouldve also probably let that happen again n again too n not thought much about that while getting traumatised until afterwards too.

anyways... im glad that ur out of that situation. im sorry that we have some shared trauma there. shit like this is why i dont even trust "nice guys" anymore fr. i dont think that many ppl can rly understand that sort of situation and i can get how its confusing, bc it was a confusing time for me too. but idk why they think theyd know better than me about my own life either lol

[weirdmageddon]

five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter one rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peter’s greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Masterlist and Series Masterlist

“Married?” You squeaked as your eyes grazed over the words on the card a hundred times without retaining any of the information. As you momentarily forgot how to even read, you had to rely on the words coming out of Andy’s mouth.

“Yes, uh, married.” He awkwardly cleared his throat. “Dani and I are getting married over the summer.”

The awkward silence filled the air, suffocating the three of you, but you didn’t care. You were still staring at that damn card. That damn card that said your ex boyfriend was getting married to another girl.

“Married.” You repeated, at a loss for words.

“You said that already, dumbass.” Venom chimed in, telepathically. You rolled your eyes and kicked the bench, signaling to her to quiet down.

“Yeah.” He said again. “I know we’re young, but I’m sure about her. She’s the love of my life.”

“Wow. Good for you.” You faked a smile as you stared at the invitation. “It’s Uh, it’s a lot to take in.”

“I know. That’s why I wanted to tell you in person. I figured it would be better than you randomly getting the card in the mail and finding out that way.” Andy explained.

“Our hero.” Venom snarled, so you pinched your leg to send her the message to be quiet.

“Yeah. Yeah, no, I’m glad you told me.” You lied as your eyes finally processed something on the card.

“You’re getting married on August 10?” You asked, finally tearing your eyes away from the invitation to look at him. He looked good, you had to admit. His curly brown hair was cut shorter than usual and he was still wearing his police uniform.

“Bright and early. I chose that day because-“

“Because it’s your parents anniversary. I know.” You cut him off, a little sharply.

“I’m sorry if this is awkward.” He frowned. “I understand if you’re too hurt to come.”

“It’s fine. We were together and now we’re not. Besides, I’m really happy for you and Dani. She really helped me get back on my feet when Venom and I first bonded. I like her. And if you want to marry her on that day, then go ahead.” You said, and you meant it. You did like Dani. You’d like her more if she wasnt dating the love of your life, but hey, nobody’s perfect.

“You’re lying. We want him back. He looks so juicy and delicious.” Venom said. You choked on your saliva for a moment at her words and Andy was quick to pat your back.

“You alright?” He asked. You nodded and made a mental note to have a domestic conversation about boundaries with Venom when you got home.

“I’m fine. And anyways, I’ve uh, I’ve moved on.” You lied, adverting your eyes so he wouldn’t catch on.

“What? No we haven’t?” Venom didn’t grasp the social cue.

“You have?” Andy asked, seemingly taken aback.

“No! We love you!” Venom growled in your head.

“Yep. I’m in a deeply committed and loving relationship.” You nodded as you looked anywhere but at him. It wasn’t a total lie. You were technically in a relationship with Venom, though be it a host/parasite kinda deal.

“What’s he like?” Andy wondered, looking pissed off all the sudden.

“They’re great. They’re, uh…tall. Super, super tall.” You began to describe Venom. So far, it was all true. Venom was 7’6 in her final form.

“They’re black, like yourself, and they’ve got this big, beautiful smile.” You could feel yourself cringing internally as you painted the picture for him.

“You think our smile is beautiful?” Venom teased you.

“And they just always have my back. They’re my ride or die, you know? If I didn’t have them, I’d be dead. Literally.” You finished. Also true. If you and Venom ever got separated, you would both die. Andy was looking off into the distance, sucking his teeth before nodding again.

“That’s nice.” He said, but his tone didn’t sound like he thought it was nice.

“I’d literally die.” You repeated to fill the awkward silence.

“I get it.” He deadpanned.

“Like, I’d freaking perish.”

“Alright.” He held up his hands and you stopped.

“So, do you think you can come?” He brought the conversation back to him, something he was good at.

Of course you could come. What else would you be doing? But you were just getting back on my feet after losing your job and a wedding might be too much too soon. You were at rock bottom before you found Venom. Well, before you found each other. That was nearly a year ago, but that day came back in flashes every now and then...

“You’re seriously breaking up with me? Over a job?” You asked as you followed Andy out of the police station. You were under the impression that he had just been fired because of the files you took from his computer. Classified files on local businessman Carlton Drake and the people he had killed with his experiments, of course.

“Yeah, I am.” He snapped. “I’m done with you.”

“Can’t we talk about this?” You pleaded as you followed him down the street.

“Okay.” He stopped, looking angry. “Do you want to talk about how you embarrassed me in front of my precinct? I just got yelled at in front of my all my coworkers because of you and your greed. You used me for your stupid show.”

“I wasn’t being greedy.” You insisted, ignoring that he called your job stupid. “You had the information on Carlton Drake and I needed it to make an accusation. He’s killing people! He’s a bad guy, Andy. And I write about and report bad men. That’s my job. I didn’t know that looking at your files would get you fired.”

Andy put his hands on his hips and looked around, suddenly sheepish.

“I wasn’t fired.” He mumbled.

“What?” You switched from upset to confused. “Then why are you angry?”

“I was demoted to traffic duty for two weeks because of you.” He pointed an angry finger at you and you almost laughed.

“I’m sorry, wait.” You compared yourself. “You’re breaking up with me after two years together because I got you demoted to traffic duty? Are you serious?”

“Do you know how embarrassing it is to wear that orange vest? It’s humiliating.” Andy shouted and you covered your mouth to keep from laughing. “Everyone in the neighborhood knows me and now they’re gonna know I’m on traffic duty.”

“People know you?” Your eyes widened at how dense he was being. “Andy, I’m a local celebrity. I had a whole show on YouTube that I was just fired from. Actually fired. You’re just a police officer who was demoted.”

“To traffic duty.” He repeated, as if it was suddenly worse.

“I know!” You snapped before calming down. “Are we really over? Just because of one mistake?”

“You used me.” He shrugged. “I can’t trust you.”

You stared at him as he walked over to you, never breaking eye contact as he took his key off your key ring.

“We’re over.” He hissed before turning around and walking away.

“Y/N?” Andy waved a hand in front of your face, snapping you out of it.

“Oh, right sorry. Um…” You trailed off as you mulled it over. You were happy for him, but you weren’t ready to see him marry someone else. That was gonna be you guys. Of course you wanted to be at his wedding, but you wanted to be the bride.

“Actually, I cant.” You blurted, quickly thinking of a lie. “The Daily Bugle called me and offered me a job in New York. They want me to cover a story on some serial killer. I was gonna move there part time until the story is done. I’m leaving in a few weeks.”

It was partially true. The Daily Bugle did reach out to ask you to write the story, but you had planned to write it at home. News of Andy’s impending marriage was enough to drive you out of the state.

“Oh really?” Andy raised an eyebrow. “Wow.”

He was never one to celebrate you, even when you were together, but his reaction seemed different now. He almost seemed surprised that you were still successful without him.

“Yea. I just finalized everything this morning.” You lied again as you wondered how you’d get a NYC apartment on such short notice. “But hey, maybe I’ll finish early and make it back in time for your big day. I mean, it’s only April. I have lots of time. How many people could this guy possible kill until August?” You joked, but Andy didn’t laugh. He never really got your sense of humor.

“That’s great Y/N.” He nodded, not much enthusiasm behind it. “Things are really turning around for you. I can’t believe you found a job and a boyfriend. I didn’t think it would happen.”

You narrowed your eyes at his condescending comment but decided to brush it off.

“Well, it did. I’m on to bigger and better things.” You cut into him a little as you stood up. “I better go. I told my partner I’d meet them for lunch. Bye!”

“Bye!” Andy called after you, still in a funk from what you told him.

You practically ran home and slid down your door once you got inside.

“Holy shit. I’m such a liar.” You grimaced and covered my face with my hands. Venom manifested herself in her snake-like form and looked at you.

“You’re not a liar if we move to New York and start dating.” She said, making you laugh.

“You have a point. In that case, will you be my girlfriend, Miss Venom?” You asked sarcastically and Venom grinned.

“You’re not really my type, but I’m willing to settle.” Venom matched your sarcasm.

“Then let’s make moving plans, baby.” You sighed. “We’re going to New York.”

[bcdwhcre]

hey queen! Girl you have done it again. Constantly raising the bar for us all and doing it flawlessly. i’d say i’m surprised but i know who you are. i’ve seen it up close and personal. girl you make me so proud.

“Father figure” is so cute omg 🥺 Could Maybe write something about reader finally joining the scouts and Levi/erwin being so impressed by scared for her (if u want)

“Father Figure,” Pt 2 Levi x Erwin Headcanon

PLEASEEEE, I love you🤧❤️ I shall give out a part 2. I’m thinkinnnng Levi’s reaction to you joining scouts annnnd Erwin’s reaction to both you wanting to be a scout and dating Jean😗 we’ll see how that goes.

Warnings: Season 3 mentions aka the beast titan for Levi. that is alllllllll

PART ONE

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Levi:

It had taken weeks, even a few months before Levi had finally went through with letting you join the scouts but he never took it easy on you, he treated you the same and even when he would train with you alone, he would be more harsh.

He only did this to benefit you, he wanted you to be better and definitely better than him and it had all worked in his favor. Once the first expedition came along, you had proven yourself well above than what the scouts expected.

As Levi watched you swing, flip and spin along the lines between buildings and the way you swiftly had taken down your first Titan, he was in awe the entire time. His eyes never left you and he would admit he got a bit emotional.

The flashbacks of you as a small child, tugging on his coat that he would wear and the way you always wanted to ride his horse or hear stories, they all flooded his mind. His own child stood in front of him, grown up and turned into a mini Levi and he couldn’t help but feel proud.

It wasn’t long until you turned into exactly like Levi onto the field, always putting yourself at risk and taking the bigger Titans on by yourself with no issue. He was shocked to say the least, he wouldn’t have expected you to grow up so quickly and turn into such a great scout.

One mission in particular had Levi on the edge, when the commander had ordered for only Levi to handle the beast titan, you had all but ignored both their commands and followed behind your father in battle. Maybe it was because you were worried for your dads safety, you didn’t want him to take the beast Titan on his own. You knew he was the best of the best but even then, you still knew your fathers weakness.

At the last moment, you had swooped in and spun around in the air, using your blades to swipe through and cut the hand off that was reaching for you before lunging your blades right through his eyes, hearing Levi yelling behind you.

“What the hell are you doing?! This wasn’t your mission!” He was beyond frustrated with you but more fearful that you would get caught up because you were too confident in yourself.

You ignored your fathers yelling, following his lead and instantly breaking apart the beast Titan until Levi had sliced the nape of his neck open and saw the older man break out of the Titans skin.

“Y/N, take your ass back to where the cadets are!” Levi grabbed onto your upper arm and practically yanked you towards him, the fury in his eyes was all but filled with fear.

“Dad, we literally just took down the beast Titan and you’re screaming in my face because I helped?” You glared up at him, the stubbornness you both had was too overbearing.

While you two were busy bickering about you joining in the fight, another Titan swooped in and had almost chopped you up in their mouth but Levi had pushed you down, watching the Titan pick the beast Titans body and run off.

“You let them get away because you were too fucking worried about me!” You yelled at your father, the anger boiling in both of you was steaming hot and he couldn’t help but feel angry towards himself too, for letting him get so distracted.

Levi had let a deep breath in, rubbing his temples for a moment as he tried to think clearly. He had reached over to you, embracing you in a tight hug and rested his chin on the top of your head, luckily you were short enough for him to even do so.

“I’m sorry, I’m trying to get used to you being out here and I get... scared. Only because you remind me of... me when I first joined, always putting yourself on the line, always going out of your way to prove you’re better but I need you to be careful.” He fully admitted, shaking his head at your carelessness but he couldn’t stay mad because you learned all that from him.

“Dad, I’m not stupid. I’m being careful, you have to trust me.” You rolled your eyes at your father, you frustrated you but you couldn’t help but understood the fear he felt while you were out here with him.

“I do trust you but I also need you to listen to commands when directed, do you hear me? You aren’t in control.” He grabbed your shoulders and forced you to look up at him, making you slowly nod you head.

“Don’t let that shit happen again or else you’ll be on horse shit duty.”

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Erwin:

Erwin wasnt as strict when you joined the scouts, he was actually pretty proud to know he raised you to be a great cadet and probably a great future leader. All the nights he helped trained you was a very proud moment for him to be apart of.

He felt like he had accomplished something greater, this was a feeling better than becoming a Commander and that was raising you to be a great scout member.

He had put you under Levi’s team for many reasons, only because he wanted him to watch you closely and he had trusted Levi enough to put his child’s fate in his hands.

He had watched you flourish nicely on expeditions, you always proved yourself to be great. Your first expedition you had taken down a total of five Titans on your own and ended up saving Connie in the middle of it.

Erwin couldn’t help but openly get emotional in front of everyone, causing them to grow awkward at your fathers tears as he watched you. You had repeatedly told him to stop being so emotional about everything but he did anyways, he couldn’t help but cry only because he was so proud of who you’ve grown to be.

The long nights of staying up with you when you wouldn’t sleep, the days where he would forget about his work to take you out on walks, to explore with you and play silly games that you made up. It was all worth it to him and his heart was full of love and happiness when it came to you.

But one day he had been looking for you after a mission, he was pretty worried and wanted to talk to you with dinner about how the mission went. He unexpectedly caught you and Jean outside alone, lips smashed together.

“Y/N, Jean.” He cleared his throat awkwardly and your face instantly heated up into a dark shade of red once you both had been caught, you wished it was anyone else but your own dad, you were completely embarrassed.

You had rushed inside, following your dad to his office where you two usually sat and ate your meals. Erwin was silent, he couldn’t stay mad at you thought, it was bound to happen that his own child would grow up and find someone.

“I didn’t know you two were daring.” He spoke up, causing your face to heat up again and you had tried to look anywhere else but him

“I mean, yeah, it’s only been recent.”

“Ahh and he makes you happy, yes? That’s what I would hope for.” He stared at you, both of you making eye contact and you were shocked that he was acting so calm about everything.

“Yeah, I’m happy.”

“Good, good but that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. I’ve been watching you on some missions and even had your Captain report back to me on how you do on them. I know I’ve said I didn’t want you to be apart of this life but I’m very proud of you, you’ve grown up to be amazing and intelligent. I’m proud to be your father.” Erwin told you, taking a bite out of his food to hold in the emotions he wanted to express but he had to tell himself to not be such an emotional father.

“Oh,” You were certainly caught off guard by his words and you had to think to yourself if this was a dream and ask yourself why was your father acting like this.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it, dead.” You smiled at him, both of you finishing your dinner rather quickly.

Erwin had ended the night laughing and bringing up stories of when you were a small child to both you and Jean, he mostly told you the embarrassing stories and would mention one or two that were adorable. You had shaken your head at your fathers idea of a fun time, telling embarrassing stories but Jean had been enjoying himself a little too much.

Your father stood across from you, the intense feeling of being proud but also mixed with fear when it came to you telling him about today’s mission and how you taken out a few Titans in a second all on your own. You were definitely his child but it was scary to see how fascinated you were with being a scout and how truly happy you were with your job.

Erwin had to swallow his pride and his instinct to be an over protecting father, he always feared for your life out on those missions but he also trusted you and your strength to come back alive and well, you were his child after all.

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AHH well. I hope this is as good as the first one🤧

• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

[un2-verse]

BILLY — Kim Taehyung (3)

Synopsis: News of a Sadistic Serial Killer nicknamed “Jigsaw” is spreading around town like wildfire… the nickname stemming from the puzzle piece he cuts from every victim’s body. No one knows who he’ll trap next but in a town full of delinquents and criminals, it could never be you. Right?

Pairing: yandere!Taehyung x f!reader

genre: angst, horror, weirdly some fluff lol

Warnings: dark themes, yandere, stalking, manipulation, conditioning, mentions of abuse, suicidal ideations/attempts, self harm, murder, depictions of torture etc (basically its gorey and fucked up), angel trap, etc stabbing and guns. do not read if triggered!!!!

wordcount: 2.2k

taglist: @yes-sol-not-soul @yoongiofmine

a/n: pt 3 is here!! honestly i wasnt expecting this amount of support as i’ve never published my writing before so thank u sm ♡ i was inspired to write this one night and i had no idea where it’d go or anything but i’m happy with the way its turning out :D fun fact abt me, i’ve been obsessed w the franchise since i was little and i actually have 2 saw tattoos, one of billy and one above saying “cherish your life” since that’s pretty much the motto of saw :) and i have quite the collection of saw/billy items so why not turn my fav horror film into a fucked up love story! let me know if u would like to be added to the taglist and pls enjoy reading^^ feel free to send me asks abt the series or anything u want~ i love hearing from u guys!! :D ps— taehyung and the reader dont have much interaction in this part,, theyll definitely be more of them together in part 4 :) unedited so pls excuse any mistakes!! tysm <33 and remember these are fictional characters and do not represent bts personally in any way!!

series masterlist

part one part two

The headlines constantly named the Jigsaw Killer, Billy. The somewhat eerie little doll that had a face as white as a Calla Lily with spirals on it’s cheeks as red as the blood that was shed during the tests. Billy was always dressed in a little black suit with a red bowtie and he was (most of the time) situated on a squeaky battered tricycle. Attached was always a tape that read “play me” and when the subjects did, a chilling voice— one that could make even the world's worst predators shiver with terror— would echo around the room.

Everyone knew that a doll clearly wasn’t responsible, yet they gave it the name Billy in hopes to somewhat humanise the face that instilled panic— they did not want to live in fear.

It was the only face behind the killings.

But this time, there was a different subject stuck in the test and Billy had made sure there was no way for them to survive.

“How are you scared of heights? You’re practically a giant yourself!”

“Just because I’m tall doesn’t mean I can’t be scared of heights Y/Nie.”

You had no idea how long had passed since Taehyung had turned up at the garage, you were too busy chatting away squeezed into the kitchen while your Dad, Yoongi and Hobi worked on the cars in the shop. If anyone could hear you both, they would think you’d known eachother since childhood— the playful jokes and light touches exaggerated that.

You’d only known him for a few hours really, if you added the time spent with him on the first day and now. It hadn’t seemed like all those weeks ago that you first met, he had a familiar presence, as though you had known him for years compared to the hours.

“I just wouldn’t imagine you to be scared of anything Taehyung… you seem so confident and fearless.”

You saw the way Taehyung looked at you. His eyes flashed with understanding.

“I did have my fears back then, much like yours.”

“What do you mean?” you had a rough idea on what he meant but you needed him to voice it.

A deep inhale and the words flowed from his lips before he could stop it, “The fear of living. I had been through some stuff you know, growing up. My mum was working a lot and my dad was an alcoholic, he was so fucking possessive and wouldn’t let her go anywhere without kicking off. It was a fucking shitshow and so toxic. This one time though, I’d pretended that I’d gone to school and waited outside the front door. It didn’t take long before I heard shit getting smashed and my dad shouting.” Taehyung was telling the truth only, he left out the part where he was also as possessive, if not more, than his father. Well, let's say… obsessive. “I just ran in the house and saw my dad towering over my mum and I don’t remember what happened but, I do remember my mum crying and my dad disappeared.”

Now Taehyung was lying through his teeth. He remembered clearly, almost like it was yesterday. He smashed the nearest bottle, pulled his mother away from the monster that scared her and stabbed him. Not just once, not twice but thirty-seven times. Hence the thirty seven tattoo on the palm of his right hand (the one he’d actually killed his father with). There was only Taehyung who knew what it meant, he counted every single time the broken glass pierced his father’s body, he counted with a smile on his face and a chuckle in his throat.

You were at a loss for words. Your mouth gaped in shock, eyes wide and your brain scrambled for the right thing to say. You reached over and grabbed his hand, interlacing your fingers. His thumb running back and forth along your hand. “I’m sorry, I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.” There was no way you could relate, your mother and father were happy and in love. They had the ideal relationship, one you wished for yourself. You could empathise though.

“You don’t need to be sorry baby, it’s in the past and I’ve moved on from it. I was like you though, poisoned by the roots that keep you on the ground even though you wanted nothing more than to break free and be no longer.” A silence fell over you both before Taehyung uttered, “I wasn’t successful with my attempt so now I’m here to help you.”

Warmth spread throughout your body, a smile graced your features as you no longer felt alone.

You had a completely different idea to what those words actually meant.

It was nearing the evening when Taehyung’s car had been fixed. Yoongi popped his head in the kitchen to tell him but stopped himself so as to not interrupt the scene before him. You were laughing along to whatever Taehyung was babbling about with your hand resting on his bicep, with that look in your eyes that he hadn’t seen for years. Yoongi felt himself smile as he saw you hanging onto Taehyung's every word.

For the first time in forever, you looked alive.

Yoongi cleared his throat which drew yours and Taehyung’s attention, “Sorry to interrupt guys. We’ve finished with your car so whenever you’re ready we’ll be outside.” The infamous gummy smile overtook his features, you felt yourself beam in return.

“Thanks man! I’ll be like, five minutes.”

Yoongi nodded his head in reply and swiftly left the room.

You’d taken Tae’s hand into yours, playing with the array of rings that occupied his fingers. Solemn thoughts overtook, am I not gonna see him again? Was this, whatever this is, over before it had even begun? Your eyes stayed on his hand as you turned it over and traced your finger over the inked ‘thirty seven’ on his palm. “What does this mean?”

Taehyung didn’t think twice before he practically beamed out, “It’s my lucky number.”

The difference was, it wasn’t really his lucky number… although he did see it that way. It was the number that had stayed with him. It was something he was proud of, whenever he looked at the hand that killed his father, his chest filled with pride and a joyous feeling overtook his senses. It was his first murder. Something he relished in and thus, created the onslaught of Jigsaw killings. He targeted a certain type— those whose sins would lock them up forever if they were ever found out. Racists, murderers, rapists, drug dealers, con-men. Authoritative figures who abused their power. He even went as far as subjecting suicidal people.

You see, things aren’t sequential. Good doesn’t lead to good, nor bad to bad. People who steal, don’t get caught, they live the good life. Others lie, cheat and get elected.

Some people would call it karma but Taehyung, he called it justice.

He’d started this with one thing on his mind— those that don’t appreciate life do not deserve it.

Whenever a serial killer was on the loose, the press did what they always did. They gave them a nickname. While the public had named the doll Billy. The actual killer was named ‘Jigsaw’.

This stemmed from the jigsaw piece that was cut from the victims skin, no one knew why he was doing it or what it even stood for.

It did have a meaning although unknown to the public.

The jigsaw piece that was cut from the subjects was only ever meant to be a symbol that that subject was missing something. A vital piece of the human puzzle. The survival instinct.

After all, until a person is faced with death, it’s impossible to tell whether they have what it takes to survive.

Across town an underground abandoned warehouse, was where the next subject had found themselves.

They were suspended in the air, their feet merely dangling above the ground. The putrid smell of death lingered in every crevice, the sound of rats scurrying along the concrete floor filled their ears just as they began to stir awake.

A pain in their ribs was the overwhelming factor to them finally coming around. When they groggily opened their eyes, they were paralised with fear due to the scene in front of them.

A doll sat a few feet ahead, perched upon a tricycle. Adorned with a black suit and a red bowtie. A slow red light flashed in his eyes.

Billy.

Before the subject could even register how, when or why they found themselves trapped in a test, footsteps echoed behind them. The subject called out, “Help! Please, somebody help! I shouldn’t be here!”

A tsk reached their ears, as a disembodied voice replied, “Trust me, no one can hear you. Scream all you like. You’d just be wasting your breath, you may as well cherish it before it's gone.”

With hairs stood on end, the subject stilled. “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything from you.” The man's footsteps grew louder. “I’m here to serve justice, that’s all.”

The man rounded the subject, settling in their view with only his cloaked back visible while he tended to the little doll. He touched Billy delicately—like he was a little child that he loved dearly. He combed his gloved hand through the doll's black hair and eventually pulled his fingers from the tresses to pat his head gently.

“You fucking psycho! Let me go!”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that which only infuriated the subject more causing them to shake in anger, a movement they soon ceased when they realised something was penetrating their ribs.

“I’d be very careful if I was you, we wouldn’t want you hurting yourself now… would we?” The cloaked figure spun around. An angry glint to his eye.

“What the fuck, you’re fucking crazy. Let me out, this isn’t right!” The subject tried their hardest to swing their legs, to somehow kick the man who’d imprisoned them.

“I think you’ll find it is right. You’re unworthy of the body you possess.” He inched closer, “see, when someone purposely intends to harm others, they lose their right to life.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

The man arched a brow as he replied, “Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He felt like it was a game of cat and mouse except, he was a tiger and his subject, was the tiniest prey to mankind. “But, let me remind you! Since you can’t get your thick fucking head to work. You’re a liar, a cheater and an abuser. That ring any bells?”

The subject's face dropped.

“Ah, I see by your expression you know exactly what I’m talking about! Glad to see we’re on the same page.” He shrugged his cloak off placing it to the side of the doll. “I want to play a game.”

“What game? This isn’t a fucking game! You’re sick in the head you fucking cunt!”

The atmosphere shifted, the man remained calm while the subject went ballistic.

“What is this? What fucking game?”

“You feel the machine that’s currently occupying your ribs? Well, in about ten minutes that’s going to rip you apart. I’m proud to say that trap is my baby. I’ve been working on it especially for you! How nice is that?” he reached out to tug at the subject’s legs, tormenting them like a cat would a mouse. “Anyway, as my beautiful angel trap will rip you apart, my darling little friend Billy over here,” the subject followed the direction the man's hand pointed, “is going to match your face with the ugliness of your soul.”

“Fuck, fuck this! How do I stop it? Tell me how I fucking stop it!”

A boxy grin overtook the man's face, laughter poured from his mouth as he leaned over and slapped the subject’s leg. “This is a special game.”

“Who are you? What do you mean by ‘special game’?”

He raised himself so he stood tall and grabbed a knife from his pocket, “I’m the man you call Jigsaw.” He traced the tip of the knife along the subject’s ankle, “and when I say a special game… I mean you can’t get out.” While the subject was screaming in realisation, Taehyung walked back for his cloak, hung it over his shoulder and stalked off back the way he came. He sent one last smile to the subject as he rounded them and within the blink of an eye, he gripped the knife and slashed the subject’s achilles.

A chilling scream pierced the eerie atmosphere, the subject couldn’t string words together. Abundances of anxiety, terror and pure panic took reign of their body. Taehyung grabbed the injured muscles and forced his gloved fingers in as he gripped and twisted them, “That’s for Y/N.”

Taehyung had pressed the timer before he cut the subject’s tendons. He grabbed the tape from his pocket and threw it on the ground and with a chuckle he shouted, “Game over!”

Before he reached the end of the hallway, he heard the gunshots pierce his subjects face followed by the sound of the angel trap, even this far away Taehyung heard every crack of the ribs and the noise of the body being tore apart.

Without looking back, Taehyung rounded the corner and slammed the door shut.

He’d chosen the Angel trap for the irony, the subject that was currently hanging from the ceiling was no angel. They were a fucked up, evil, waste of space. Taehyung had done the world a favour, he’d done you a favour.

That got him thinking, how much blood would you shed in order to stay alive?

[a/n: who do we think was in the trap???👀]

[momoliee]

It’s probably too early for The Meta No One Asked For That I’m Gonna Write Anyway about XQC, alas…here we go

Dr. Xie Qingcheng, 32, male, straight (so far), 180 cm with only one current family member.

Xqc is introduced as a cold, aloof and apathetic retired doctor who has no passions, cares about nothing except for his sister, and unless he’s angry, you can barely get an emotional response out of him.

Through meatbun’s character notes on how he has no favorite food, no favorite color or animal, no personal preferences outside what’s most practical and how he’s very very responsible and rules abiding and honest and sober and serious, and through he yu’s POV that continuously paints him as this heartless cold blooded person, I dare say we were…deceived by this so far shades of gray picture we had of him.

Xqc was born into a finically stable middle class family consisting of two cops for parents and a younger sister that came into the world 8 years after him. When he turned 13, and his sister was only 5 at that time, his parents were fired from their job due to a case they shouldn’t have been investigating going wrong, and they had to move to a rural area. Not long after that, he witnessed both his parents’ deaths and saw their corpses with his own eyes, the site was bloody and there’s no way it didn’t traumatize a pre-teen like him. He then was tasked with taking care of his sister, becoming a doctor despite not wanting to, owing others favors and spending all his money on smth that’s yet to be revealed instead of enjoying it. He got married, not to a woman he loves but to someone whom he thought of as “suitable and appropriate”, got cheated on and went through a divorce before losing full interest in the marriage life. He was finally able to retire (we don’t know why yet) and live a quiet, normal, boring life.

I believe xqc loved his parents, I believe he loved them so much cause in chapter 20, he mentions how he thought he wouldnt be able to live past the grief, he wouldn’t be able to go on or move forward, how the grief completely overtook him. He also mentions how he used to play with knots and handcuffs when he was a child, which shows how close he was to them. So for a child who had a good stable life with two loving parents to suddenly fall from a class to a class, suddenly lose both parents and see their corpses with his own eyes, that must’ve fucked him up big time. I’m talking “when can I fully register all of this” kind of fucked up. But he didn’t have time to fully absorb all of this, didnt have the time to sit down and cry, he had a sister, she was only 5, where will they get the money from? What were they gonna do? How was he going to continue school while caring for her? He didn’t have the time to sit down and grief, to sit down and adjust. For a child who had a normal life and didn’t have to worry much about the money like every other middle class kid, he was suddenly burdened with poverty AND loss, and duty and responsibility. Good bye to the days of playing with handcuffs and knots huh?

You ask me, why does xqc not have a favorite food? I answer you, because many many nights, he didn’t know what to feed his sister, much less himself. Cause I bet that many nights, he would have to give up his portion for Xie Xue, to make sure a kid like her is full. Cause he couldn’t afford to be picky, couldn’t afford to choose; whatever was edible will be eaten, taste and flavor be damned. He had to start working from a young age, balance school, babysitting and working all at once. The last friend he made (I think) was that Chen Man guy whose parents were friends with his parents, back when they were alive and life was good. He didn’t have time to make friends, or go out, or have a favorite color or visit the zoo and decide on a favorite animal. No, he had to study, and study hard to become more financially stable and support Xie Xue, he had to raise his baby sister and protect her, he had to work or else how will he put food on their table? Yet he never lost his soft kind heart, cause when his sister asked for a laptop, he bought her one just so that she wouldn’t feel less than any of the other children.

Xqc had to SURVIVE, he had to make do with what he had and what he didn’t have. He didn’t have time to sit down and cry or process his trauma, didn’t even have time to think of adolescent love or his youthful days or do what kids his age did. And all of that carried forward into his adult life. He pushed his emotions back so hard and had his practical, business like mind take care of everything in order to make it through the days. He started to believe that passionate emotions such as love and hate and lust and desire were all a waste of time, a distraction from his duties, smth that will rock the delicate balance he created with his everyday busy schedule. Emotions will stunt you, emotions will delay you, crying and not going to work today means no food to feed his hungry sister with. That’s when he started thinking, strong emotions are a DISEASE, they will take up your time, cloud your judgement, have you make reckless decisions that you’ll regret later. And he couldn’t afford any of that right? Strong emotions are for the weak, they put you in crutches and disable you from moving forward. Wasnt that what he told his ex wife? If he had submitted himself to his grief back then, where would his sister be? Where would he be? How could they have grown up to be healthy and successful adults?

So this man taught himself practicality and duty and priorities. He stopped thinking about himself, about what he wants and what he feels, and instead started making sure that those around him are happy and content and safe and well taken care of. He no longer had desires or passions, he only had rules and regulations. If a person lost their sense of taste, would they still want chocolates and burgers? Would they still have cravings and foods they’d rather swallow medicine than eat? No. If so, how will they decide on what to eat every day? They’ll simply start following a “perfect nutritional plan” and “balanced diet”. They’d eat what they have to eat, when they have to eat, and in the exact portion they need. To them eating would be another chore they have to do every day to keep their bodies going. Similarly, with xqc, graduating, working, marrying, taking care of his sister and auntie, these all became “tasks” and “chores” that he had to abide by and follow. They became the dietary plan for his life till he dies, the outline he shall follow, the textbook rules he will carry out, no need to think of what he “wants” or “desires”, what will make him “happy” or bring him “joy”. He no longer listened to his emotions when making decisions. Even when marrying his ex wife, he married her cause she was “a suitable match”, not for her looks or personality or anything. Feelings are life’s taste buds, and once you remove them, everything becomes tasteless and mundane, and practicality/logic takes over. He stopped knowing what it felt like to choose based on your preferences, cause he stopped having the luxury of choice ever since that night when he was 13, and he no longer was able to re-teach himself the meaning of free will and choice.

So when he yu, in chapter 20, asked him how he would’ve acted if Xie Xue had died, and he said, “I would’ve continued living as I am today till my last breath,” he wasn’t being “cold” or “heartless” or “indifferent” as he yu likes to say. He was being practical and methodical and thinking with a logical approach, rather than an emotional one, just the way he taught himself to throughout all these years. His almost 2 decades of pure survival mode and severely repressed feelings spoke in the form of autopilot. “I would do what I have to do, what I’ve always done every day of my life so far cause what choice do I have?” Is what he meant to say.

But I believe that he’s a soft hearted, kind and loving person. He never says no his sister, never says no to his auntie, helped that homeless man as best as he could, taught he yu that he was normal and that he wasn’t a monster, believed in treating his patients with words instead of medicine prescriptions, believed that the mentally ill deserve to live normally instead of being locked up. I believe that underneath all the shit he has buried, there’s a lot of passion and love that’s been kept dormant for 19 years.

In conclusion, idk where meatbun is gonna take his character but I genuinely hope he gets to heal, and start having more color and flavor in his life. Start allowing himself to live, not just survive.