#it all seems very intricate and technical though Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[bunni-v1]

Hi! For the 500 follower special, can I get L,O,Q and X from the sfw alphabet, for deuce, Lilia and malleus? Thank you <3

🍓I'm powering through the sfw requests, then I'll get nsfw, and then full lists in the same order. I'm so glad so many people requested, I just hope I don't let anyone down with my responses :/

I DROP MALLEUS LORE SPOILERS IN MALLEUS' OPEN PROMPT!!! (NOTHING BIG, BUT ITS MALLEUS LORE)

Deuce

L - Little Ones (how are they around children?): Oh, Deuce LOVES kids. He just thinks they're so cute and sweet and -- ugh, he wishes he had siblings to spoil. Equally, though, he's very nervous around them when he first meets a kid. I mean, they're so little? How are the so tiny and helpless? He just wants to smother them with affection, but he can't cause they might die if he does that.

O - Open (when would they start revealing things about themselves?): Deuce is a pretty open book from the start. He doesn't really have a reason to hide, and if you're his partner, why would he want to hide anything? So, you probably know most things about him before you even start dating, and then he tells you the more embarrassing things later down the line as you get more serious about each other.

Q - Quizzes (how much would they remember about you?): Listen, he's not good with the little things like favorite colors or what your favorite song is. But if you tell him what your favorite flower is, your favorite restaurant? He never forgets it. It goes in the long-term Deuce memory bank, forever categorized as incredibly important, but he has no idea why until he needs the information.

X - Xtra: Deuce is, surprisingly, very good with hair. He used to have to help his mom style hers, so he knows a ton of really cool tricks for styling it. Female, male, non-binary -- doesn't matter, he knows how to style your hair and it's going to feel like a GODSEND to your scalp.

Lilia

L - Little Ones: Lilia's favorite hobby is being a father of three, so it's safe to assume he loves kids. Just everything about them is so darn cute -- their stubby little arms and disproportionate bodies. Oh! He can't get enough. If he could raise a hundred more kids, he absolutely would love to!

O - Open: Lilia, unlike Deuce, is not open at all! He puts on this bright and cheery face so he can hide from his dark and fucked up past. You are the light of his life, his guiding start in the night sky -- he doesn't want you to know how much of a monster he is. It's not until you are WELL SETTLED in your relationship that he tells you about his painful past, the things he's done, and how badly he wishes he could take it all back.

Q - Quizzes: Oh, Lilia knows everything. His memory just seems endless, and no matter if you told him something today or years ago, he would remember it clear as day. Every little detail from the very basics to the intricate ways you go about doing different things, he knows and adores all of them.

X - Xtra: Lilia is very good at gambling -- just hear me out. He's incredibly observant and reads people better than they do themselves. Not only that, he's smart. He can sit down at any gambling game, any kind, even if he's a beginner, and walk away with as much money as he wants. He is a casinos worst nightmare.

Malleus

L - Little Ones: Children make Malleus... nervous. They're very little, and they seem very unaware of things around them, yet they have the confidence and demand of a well-established ruler. It's discomforting. Still, he did help raise (technically) two younger boys, so he does harbor some affection for children, he just has to get used to them for him to really enjoy them.

O - Open: It's not to say that Malleus is NOT open, it's just that he doesn't think to share things about himself. So he seems closed off, but really he's just thinking about gargoyles. He does this... thing, though, where he just... lore drops on you. Out of nowhere, he just "My mother died before I was born, and the love that Lilia gave me was enough to cause me to hatch, therefore, he is the closest thing to a father figure I will ever have." Kay... cool Malleus.

Q - Quizzes: He is so bad at keeping track of time, he will not remember 90% of the things about you. He will, however, remember the most random things. Like he doesn't remember what year you were born, but he knows your favorite character and all their lore. It's because he only cares about the things you care about a lot. If you talk about something frequently, he's going to go out of his way to learn more about it because it matters to you <3

X - Xtra: Malleus has an EXTENSIVE collection of Magic The Gathering Cards (or the test equivalent). He doesn't play the game, he has no idea how it works, but he really likes the collecting part of the whole thing. The art on the cards is pretty, and that was enough to fuel a whole collection.

[th3-royalty]

Xiao My Beloved

Part 3 (Woo y'all waited a while for this one now at the very least I have some clue on what I would like to do for this story)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 You're here

Okay ok okay, time to cool down not like I just met the love of my life or anything, nope not at all. Except yes! I just did! He was the one and only adeptus XIAO, the sole yaksha, conqueror of demons, protector of Liyue!! Ugh my heart hurts welp time to focus can’t just go off into fantasy land (even if I technically am in a fantasy land how does that work actually…) not the point. I need to figure out a to-do list of things since I am now stranded here and can’t rely on Aether’s kindness forever. 

Get some clothes that actually fit -do I need to have multiple sets or does cartoon logic work here? better not ask and just look-

Meet with Zhongli -wait should that be first??- figure out my situation and try to get some answers though I doubt he has any

Find a job, probably something relatively easy like clerical work, I can do that. Probably not joining the adventurer's guild. I can't stand being outdoors for too long and don’t know how to fight.

Make some friends! Good options would be Yun Jin, Xiangling, Hu Tao, and Xinyan; approach Xiangling or Hu Tao first, most likely to introduce me to the others.

Make XIAO FALL MADLY IN LOVE  maybe leave that one out for now:

For now that list should work oh wait Aethers calling me. “Hey why’d you slow down” “Oh just got a bit too into my thoughts, sorry about that.” “No worries we’re here by the way”. Wow I didn’t even notice did we really walk that far I thought we would have to camp, guess video game logic saves the day again. 

“Hey you hungry?”Aether questions “I know a place to grab a bite”, “Yeah I haven’t really eaten anything since I got here so that’d be nice” sweet if this works he may introduce me to Xiangling then I make friends in Liyue number 1. 

“Come on you two slowpokes Paimon is starving” we both rush forward, rushing past the Milleth guarding Liyue’s gates. After catching up with Paimon we start walking over to what I can only assume is Wanmin Restaurant. As we walk I take this time to look around, Liyue is just as gorgeous in person as it is in the game. I see beautiful buildings with intricate wooden designs, silk flowers and glaze lilies blooming. The sun is setting over the horizon across the sea as you can hear people chattering and the crashing of waves. The Crux seems to be docked. Beidou must be here to see Ninnuang, maybe we will meet Kazuha.  …oh we’re here

“Wanmin restaurant Paimon thinks it may be the best restaurant in Liyue!” “Maybe that hurts Paimon after all we’ve been through” Xiangling walks out of the front door there’s an actual indoor seating area, huh that’s new. “ Hello Aether, Paimon, and oh who is this?” Xiangling asks curiously. “ Hi, I’m (y/n) pleased to meet you” “Oh a new face it’s nice to meet you two”. Aether responds saying “ Ya they're new to Liyue so I decided to show them around” smooth Aether. “OH I’d love to introduce you to some new foods! Have you ever tried Liyuen cuisine?” “No I haven’t” I politely respond to Xiangling, I don’t think Chinese food counts. “Well then obviously you have to! Since you're here and all, sit down, I'll whip up something real quick for you” Xiangling rushes to the kitchen. 

After a while we finished eating “Wow that was delicious thank you Xiangling” I smiled up at her, “oh it was no trouble at all anything for a new friend! A friend of the traveler’s is a friend of mine”Xiangling quickly responds back. “I think we should head home now thanks for the meal Xiangling,” Aether says. “Anytime come back soon okay!” We wave goodbye to Xiangling as we start walking away. 

“So where are you planning to go, Aether?” I obviously know it’s the teapot but I can’t let him know that. “Oh we have a place to stay since we travel all the time, here take this talisman you’ll need it to get it.” After stating that we are all immediately transported to the teapot. It’s so beautiful inside, I gasp just taking in the wonder of it all. “Sorry for the suddenness of it. Anyway, we can stay here for the night and then meet up with a friend of mine who may have some knowledge on your situation. There’s a bedroom right over there you can stay in for the night.” I’m pretty tired so I’m gonna head to bed good night (y/n).” “Goodnight Aether, goodnight Paimon.” I start walking over to the room thinking about everything that happened today, I don’t think this is ever how I would have thought my first day in Teyvat would go. Welp time to sleep.

(A/N sorry for the lack of Xiao in this chapter I really just wanted to set up the next part, so this is really just filler, it's going somewhere I swear)

Taglist: @swivy123, (If you wish to be added to my taglist lemme know!)

[neon-lights-stardust-nights]

Top 5 fanfic tropes!

They're all porn related. When the Christians scream about cum-brained, lust riddled individuals, they mean ME!

[meme]

Brainwashing, for reasons everyone following this blog is likely very familiar with. Anything that's kinky AND angsty at the same time really gets me interested, even beyond just horny reasons. I'm also one of those people who get turned on by world building (I PROMISE I CAN EXPLAIN IF PROMPTED) so anything that goes into the MECHANICS of the brainwashing is gonna have me even more sold. Bonus points if someone who knew the brainwashing victim beforehand meets them and has to like cope with that or whatever.

Graphic fucking Torture. I mean, it's what it says on the tin. There's this really good fic on Ao3 called Catalyst. The first three chapters are all aftercare technically, but torture-aftermath and "graphic fucking torture" go hand-in-hand for me. It's at its best to me when we get to see the aftermath and some level of the poor, traumatized victim trying to cope! I also wanna see the torture itself too, so all the flashbacks sprinkled throughout the rest of the fic are very juicy for me. I probably sound like a fucking sadist. Would you believe me if I said I was projecting onto the victim?

Fuck or Die is also really up there for me, but it's not quite as peaked as just straight torture. It can be dubcon, or straight noncon, and I like the flexibility. It's also a really easy way to force two hot characters I like to bone without needing a super intricate plot, but still technically satisfying the part of my brain that loves porn with plot. I especially like it when there isn't some supernatural force or whatever that'll kill them--it's just character A pointing at character B and going "alright suck me off or I stab you to death." I still count this as "fuck or die" even if it isn't exactly what most "fuck or die" fic is.

Mind Break is also really up there for me. I think it'd have been number one if it weren't for the fact I find so little of it where I lurk. I like really ANGSTY mind break that doesn't set in too quickly. A good, long slow burn. I can never seem to land in fandoms that pump it out consistently though and/or of the characters I actually give a damn about.

IDK how to actually label this, but people who just swerve off the plot to explain the lore of their monsterfucking or whatever other weird fetish I'm reading about. You, who puts like 3 paragraphs of world building into the actual sex scene, before diving back into the sex scene. I see you. I appreciate you. Your mind, it's amazing.

[yellow-eyed-green-crocodile]

1. Pyramids seem have been a constant shape of meaning and worship throughout many cultures. I wonder about that too.

2. Don't know but this is curious

3. Might have to do with the atmosphere there, but I don't know

4. There are things on the Moon that they don't want us to know about yet

5. My theory is that the moon landings are real. It's just that the footage given to the general populace to see is fake. Might have to do with why NASA "lost" the photos. They won't show them yet.

6. We have. You can google "manmed missions on the moon". 12 astronauts walked the moon between 1968 and 1972. As for after that, who knows? It might be the risk of loss of human life.

7. Humans didn't technically evolve from monkeys. Humans are monkeys. We are simiiformes (monkeys). Us and other simiiformes evolved from a common ancestor.

8. I didn't know about this until now. I am curious.

9. Humans are creatures capable of creativity and ambition. When they are emboldened by something in their soul (like faith, love or hatred), they are capable on almost anything. So why not intricate buildings? This cathedrals and stuff took entire generations to build and required the best architects, mathematicians, and other remarkable scholars of the time. Don't underestimate what humans can do. Modern tools aren't the be-all-end-all and humans weren't stupid before they were invented.

10. If you mean pyramids, they are a popular shape, because they are easier to build, from a balance standpoint. As for other reasons, this is very curious.

11. Because those who made them saw spaceships. There were several big space battles near our Earth, throughout history, including the Vimana one, that was seen by like half the planet, recorded by several different peoples and adapted to their own cultures and understanding.

12. Because there used to be giants. They had dealings with Decebal, a great Dacian king.

13. Shrooms were always popular. Jokes aside, they might have had some meaning then that was lost to history.

14. Ancient egyptians loved their dead bodies and animal symbolism. If you mean the eye of Horus, then the association is pretty straightforward. The pineal gland deals with sleep and wakefulness (according to what I found when I googled it). Horus is the god of the sky. He was sometimes associated with Ra, god of the sun. We sleep when it's night and are awake when it's day. This might sound like mental gymnastics, but it's the best I could come up with.

15. My theory is that Dragons came here and taught our ancestors different things, like math. I read somewhere (I don't remember where) that the Dragons promised They would return (might have been ancient southern-american records).

16. There's a lot of negative energy present right now. It's caused by stress, anxiety, uncertainty about the future, anger, and other deadly sins that have become the norm more and more. We give in subcounsciously to what our cultural history has represented as negative (demons). Real demons do exist, I think, but they are more amplifiers, rather than directors of negative energy.

17. Humans are a predator species, and also very competitive. In all of human history (millions of years) , there have been a total of 2 weeks of recorded peace (total as in added, not one timeframe of 2 weeks). Of course we instinctually and subconsciously crave killing. Predators need to kill to eat and protect themselves.

18. Apparently, the creator of the Simpsons is a Freemason or something, and the Freemasons had this artifact that could predict the future. But there are people that can naturally predict the future through visions. Though, some predictions can be achieved without artifacts or ability, by just being proficient in human psychology.

19. They do? I didn't know that. Might have to to with the chemicals that produce said fire and the density of the materials being burned.

20. Politicians have deep pockets

21. Politicians have deep pockets

22. The tobacco we have today is full of chemicals that melt your brain and dry your bones. Natural tobacco leaves are actually healthy, to an extent (just like everything else). As for alchohol, it's not healthy and everyone knows it, but it's a form of recreation. Other animals also like to get wasted, with fermented fruit and poisonous animals and plants.

23. Because it's cool. And because enrichment keeps the animals obedient.

24. It's what they're given to say, "or else..."

25. "Informed". Most people are to lazy or scared to research anything. They need someone to "trust", to do the thinking for them, therefore giving away their own power to think.

I tried to answer each question to the best of my ability and mind. I don't mean to argue and I'm sorry if it seemed that way. I like talking about the lore of the world.

Questions To Ask Ourselves:

1. What is an Egyptian pyramid doing on a US dollar bill?

2. Why did 56 countries sign a treaty not to take risks and enter Antarctica?

3. Why do planes never fly over Antarctica?

4. How did NASA "lose" the photos of the moon landing, one of the most important moments for humanity?

5. If Neil Armstrong was the first to walk on the moon, who held the camera?

6. Why haven't we gone back to the moon?

7. If monkeys evolved into humans, why are there still monkeys?

8. Why does 95% of our DNA exist as "junk"? Who decided it was actually "garbage"?

9. How were huge, symmetrical, detailed, sacred, and geometrically regular structures such as cathedrals and parliamentary buildings created by people who lived in log cabins, rode horse-drawn carriages, and had no machines or lasers?

10. How is it that similar pre-Columbian architecture is found all over the world?

11. Why are there images in ancient Egyptian art that resemble "spaceships"?

12. Why were remains and images of giant people found? And why do different ancient scriptures from various cultures, including the Bible, talk about giants?

13. Why are there images of mushrooms in ancient Christian art? And why does the Pope dress up like a giant Amanita muscaria mushroom?

14. Why do ancient Egyptian artworks show jaws, and is it a coincidence that the pineal gland resembles jaws?

15. Why are there descriptions of dragons all over the world and in different cultures, thousands of years apart, and also mentioned in the Bible?

16. Why is there so much blatant satanic symbolism in the music and entertainment industry?

17. Why do most video games revolve around killing?

18. How is it possible that movies and cartoons like The Simpsons can predict certain cultural events so accurately?

19. How do forest fires melt cars but leave trees intact?

20. What is the national debt? If there is a borrower, there must also be a lender: who is it?

21. How is it that the so-called "national debt" has increased despite tax increases? Where does the taxpayer's money go?

22. Why is alcohol and tobacco poisoning considered "normal" and referred to simply as "drinking" and "smoking"?

23. Why are alcohol

and tobacco shown in almost all shows and movies?

24. How do news presenters around the world and on various channels say and repeat the same script word for word?

25. If we are more progressive and informed than ever before, why do we have the highest rates of obesity, cancer, and heart disease, not to mention depression?

Questions you should have already been asking yourself and there are many more you should be asking. 🤔

[baepsaesbae]

Babysitters Club

Pairing— Kim Taehyung x reader    

Genre— SMUT, fluff, babysitting au, strangers to lovers au

Warnings— Dom!Taehyung, roleplaying, face fucking, oral sex (m and f), bondage, explicit rough unprotected sex please stay safe irl, squirting, choking, hickies, a surprise cameo from Spring Will Come Again!Jungkook because I have no self control

Word Count— ~7.6k  

Summary— A generic summer job hunt leads you to babysit rowdy (but still cute) kids alongside the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. What shenanigans will you get into with Taehyung by your side?

A/N— HUGE shoutout to the lovely @kimtaehyunq​​ for making this beautiful banner for me! This was literally the Taehyung I had in mind while writing this uwu. This fic is the epitome of self indulgence but I truly hope you guys like it too! Please let me know what you think! My askbox/inbox is always open, don’t be afraid to come chat with me. Love you all, hope you guys are safe <3

Crumpled up newspapers littered the floor as another ball was apathetically tossed aside. A sigh of defeat escaped your lips as you looked up at the ceiling in desperation.

“Still at it with the job hunt, huh?” your roommate, Hyuna, said when she saw your mess, “I told you to search online. Or try to get a job at a cafe or a boba shop or something.”

“Easy jobs online seem sketchy, and I told you I don’t want to work in the food industry ever again,” you groaned.

“But you’d rather...be a babysitter?” she questioned as she held up an ad, “Wait you could get paid up to $15 an hour? That’s pretty good.”

“I didn’t see that one. Is it an agency or something?”

“Not sure, take a look,” she handed you the paper.

“Oh, it seems like it’s a daycare run out of someone’s house. They’re looking for multiple applicants. You wanna do it with me?! I think it could be fun!” you ask excitedly.

“And spend most of my summer vacation with a bunch of snot nosed brats? I don’t think so. You have fun though!” she blew you a kiss as she walked away.

You whipped your phone out and immediately called the number in the ad. This job was the only one that seemed bearable, and you thought kids were cute for the most part. You’ve had a few babysitting gigs in the past so this shouldn’t be too bad.

“Hello?” a deep voice answered the call.

“Hi, I saw your ad in the paper! I was wondering if there was still a babysitting position open?” you inquired.

“Oh yes! Yeah there’s still a spot open. Um, can you give me a sec?” the man said quickly as you heard wailing kids in the background. After two minutes or so he returned to the phone.

“I’m terribly sorry about that. You don’t have a criminal background or anything right? Gosh, I’m sure this sounds unprofessional but--”

“Nope, I don’t have any charges or anything like that. Should I call back later?” you offered since it seemed like the man was a little preoccupied.

“It’s like this all the time. Why don’t we do a practice run tomorrow? Oh! I mean, whenever you’re available to start. Or technically have an interview? I guess? Hey, don’t put that in your mouth!” the man chastised at someone in the distance.

“I can come in tomorrow!” you said.

“Great! Just use the address in the same ad you got this number from! Oh, and please get here by 9am! See you soon!” the man hung up abruptly.

“That was chaotic…” you said to yourself.

A moment later your phone began to ring. It was from the babysitting guy.

“Hello?” you answered.

“I realized I never got your name! I promise I’m not always this frazzled,” he laughed as rambunctious laughter erupted behind him.

“Oh, I’m ______,” you gave him your first and last name.

“Cool. See you tomorrow Miss ____!” he said before hanging up again.

You were actually excited to babysit. It had been a while since you had done it, and playing with kids was usually fun. Then again, you’ve never had a bad experience with babysitting before. You prayed that this gig would continue the positive trend.

Donning shorts and a simple Mickey Mouse t-shirt, (you figured some kid was bound to like the mousey character) it was time to head off to your potential workplace. The babysitting place was actually fairly close to you, only about a 10 minute drive. It was 8:55am by the time you arrived. A couple of parents walked past your car to drop off their kids. All of the kids seemed to be pretty excited to enter the house, which was definitely a good sign.

You gently knocked on the door at exactly 9am. There was no response as you awkwardly waited for about a minute or so. All you could hear was shrill laughter and thumps that you presumed was the kids running about. You realized there was a doorbell, and sighed at your foolishness.

The door opened seconds after you rang the doorbell. A tall man with dark hair greeted you with a warm smile. You were taken aback by the handsome guy, suddenly questioning whether you were at the right place or not until a child popped up from behind his shoulder and yelled out a loud “Boo!” that caused you to jump.

“Ah, sorry about that! This one is always trying to play pranks,” the man laughed as he playfully jostled the child that was latched onto his back, “You must be ______?”

“That’s me!” you say with a little too much enthusiasm.

“Cool. C’mon in, I’ll introduce you to the kids,” the man led you inside.

The living room was littered with toys, from cars to building blocks to barbies. This place was definitely a kid’s happy place. Four little kids were playing with various things when you walked in. All of the kids there seemed to be between the ages of 4 to 6. At a glance, it seemed like they were all playing house. It took you a few seconds to realize that one of the kids was actually playing by herself; she was just physically close to the other kids.

“Everyone! This is our newest helper! Her name is Miss ____. Let’s all play nicely with her okay?” the man announced.

The kids playing house immediately stopped what they were doing and rushed to you. Two boys began asking you questions in a rapid fire succession, while the little girl merely clung to your leg.

“Those two are Kota and Bel,” the man pointed to the two boys, “The little girl stuck to you like glue is Ava, and the one playing over there is Lucy,” he continued to name each child.

“AND I’M SAM!!” the last boy exclaimed over the man’s shoulder.

“Yes, this troublemaker here is Sam. That’s basically the whole gang! We could get a few more additions as the summer goes on, but these guys are the OG crew. They’re all really sweet kids, once you get to know them. Any questions so far?” your employer asked.

“I don’t think I ever caught your name, sir,” you say politely.

“Oh! No need to call me sir. I think we’re probably around the same age? Not that I’m assuming your age or anything but--”

“He’s my horsey!” Sam interrupted.

“No, he’s the chef!” Kota yelled.

“No, he’s our dad who’s not our dad,” Lucy chimed in.

“My mom told me he was a babysitter?” Bel added, now visibly confused.

“I am all of those things,” the man reassured the children, “But my name is Taehyung. The kids call me Tae or Mr. insert whatever title I have in the game we are playing on that day. Pleasure to meet ya,” Tae extends a hand out to you, “Let’s see how your first day goes.”

The first few hours consisted of a rather intricate game of pretend set up in a fantasy world. You played a princess who was captured by an evil dragon, who was played by Taehyung (you couldn’t help but think about how you wouldn’t mind being his hostage).

The boys were valiant knights on their quest to rescue you. The girls played different creatures that aided the knights as fairies or unicorns or any other things they wanted to be. Most of the game consisted of you and Taehyung sitting together in a corner of the living room. Even though you didn’t have to do anything, it was fun watching the kids play. Their imagination amused you.

“Enjoying yourself, princess?” Taehyung asked as he also watched the children run around.

His deep voice sent chills down your spine. Something about the way the word “princess” rolled off his tongue was so enchanting. You cleared your throat before answering.

“This job has been pretty fun so far, Mr. Evil Dragon,” you smile.

“Hey! I’m not evil, just misunderstood,” he protested.

“Oh no! The dragon is about to eat the princess!” one of the boys cried out.

“What? No, I’m not going to eat her,” Taehyung said defensively.

“You need to pretend to eat the princess so that the knights save her,” Lucy, the quiet one, scuttled over to whisper to the both of you before hurrying back to her spot.

Taehyung turned towards you to appease the kids as they held their breath in anticipation.

“Rawr! I’m going to eat you!” he said in a deep voice.

“Oh no! Somebody save me!” you cried out, playing along.

A few moments passed but none of the kids moved. You both turned your heads towards them in confusion. They stared back at you blankly.

“You need to bite her!” Sam demanded.

“What?” you and Tae said in unison.

“Bite her! Bite her! Bite her!” the boys started to chant.

“But not too hard!” Ava expressed her worry for you, making you smile.

“I…uh…” Taehyung was at a loss for words.

“They’re not gonna stop, are they?” you whispered to him.

He nodded with a sigh as their chanting got louder. You offered him your arm. Kids can be crazy stubborn over silly things. Besides, you’ve done worse for less (college is crazy).

Taehyung shot you an “are you sure about this?” look, to which you just nodded. Once he got the okay, Taehyung grabbed your arm and pulled you harshly, causing your face to be a mere inches away from his.

“Fools! You think you can save the princess? I will devour her before your very eyes!” Taehyung declared with an even deeper voice. He opened his mouth menacingly, as if to show off his fangs. Then, he proceeded to bite your bicep. To be honest, he was being so forceful that you thought he was going to bite you for real, causing you to involuntarily close your eyes.

Instead, he gingerly placed his teeth on your skin so lightly that you could barely feel anything. You opened your eyes to see Taehyung grinning at you with your arm in his mouth.

“Aaaaggghhh GET HIM!!” Sam yelled, leading the other boys straight into Taehyung.

Taehyung quickly let go of you before he rolled out onto the floor. The boys began to pummel Taehyung with their foam swords and pretend bows and arrows. The girls came to your aid to help you escape during the battle.

The little boys triumphantly stood over their defeated babysitter who pretended to be passed out on the floor. You applauded their victory as the girls sat by your side.

“Okay! Good game, it’s almost lunchtime,” Taehyung announced as he quickly popped back up.

“Chef Tae makes the best mac and cheese!” Ava informed you excitedly.

“I wanted dino nuggies!” Sam puffed out his cheeks in disappointment.

“Sam, you know it’s Ava’s day to pick out lunch. It’ll be your turn tomorrow okay? I promise! You guys can stay here and play with Miss ____ till food is ready,” Tae called out as he walked to the kitchen. Lucy silently followed Tae.

“Lucy likes to help out in the kitchen a lot. She sets the table,” Ava explained when she saw you watching Lucy.

“You’re good at being a princess!” Kota butted in as he ran to hug your leg.

“I like your shirt! I like Mickey Mouse too. I saw him in DisneyWorld last year,” Bel said as he clung to your other leg.

The kids took turns holding onto your legs as you tried to walk around. Apparently the thought of making you tumble over was an exciting one, and that kept the kids busy until Taehyung called for everyone.

Five little bowls of mac and cheese were set up on the dining table. The kids took their seats as Taehyung handed out juice boxes. He positioned himself by your side as the little ones began to chow down.

“I normally just eat the rest out of the pot, but since you’re here I can get you a bowl. Sorry about biting you earlier, the kids really like it when I get serious about my roles,” Taehyung chuckled as he scooped out your portion.

“It’s no problem, you’re a great actor. Thank you,” you say politely as he handed you a bowl.

Lunch was spent making small talk with Taehyung. He was a newly graduated college student trying to make extra money before starting a real job hunt.Taehyung had been running this makeshift daycare since he was a senior in highschool.

“Summers are always fun with them,” Taehyung said while smiling fondly at the kids, “How has it been so far?” he asked.

“I’ve been having a good time. The kids are all really sweet! They have so much energy,” you answer.

“They do indeed, which is why playtime is so important in the morning! It makes what comes next easier,” he winked at you before collecting the empty bowls, “Okay kiddos! Who’s ready for nap time?”

Lucy quietly raised her hand while the boys groaned. You figured it would be hard to get those active boys to settle down, let alone to take a nap. You helped Taehyung set up blankets and pillows in the game room. The kids made a beeline to their designated blankets without a fuss.

“Do you sing, Miss _____?” Taehyung asked out of the blue.

“Um, not really?” you say hesitantly.

“Ah, I see. No worries. Everybody ready?” he said.

“Yes!” all the kids replied.

“Alrighty. Do you have any song requests, Miss ____?”

You thought about which songs would make for a decent lullaby, “Do you know Adore You by Harry Styles?”

“I’ll have to look up the lyrics but yeah I like that song! I like his whole album actually,” Taehyung nodded as he pulled out his phone and took a deep breath, “Walk in your rainbow paradise~”

You were shocked by his vocal talent. His voice control was superb and the quality of his voice was downright euphoric. Even though Taehyung’s voice is deeper than Harry Styles’, his range was incredible. He was still able to go as high as Harry without any trouble. All the kids had fallen sound asleep by the time he finished the song.

“This is when I typically have about an hour of free time,” he said after quietly leading you back into the kitchen.

“You have such a beautiful voice! Do you sing to them every day?” you praised him.

“Thanks! Yeah, I sing to them every day. They used to get duets actually,” Taehyung sighed.

“Did you have another coworker before?” you asked.

“Yep. My best friend actually. He’s my roommate too, but he landed an internship this summer so he couldn’t be here. I’m very proud of him! But usually this is a job for two people so I decided to put that ad out. I’m happy you came out! The kids seem to like you,” Taehyung gave you a thumbs up.

“I hope so! Lucy might be scared of me though,” you recalled the way she mostly avoided you all morning.

“Nah, she’s just really shy. She told me that she thought you were really pretty though, so that’s a good sign!” he tried to reassure you.

“I guess it must be true then. Kids are brutally honest,” you smiled.

“She definitely wasn’t lying,” Taehyung smiled back at you.

You had to look away awkwardly to hide your blushed cheeks. There’s no way you could handle a direct smile from this guy. How was it possible for someone to be that handsome without even trying?!

“So what happens after naptime?” you quickly asked to change the subject.

“Basically more playing until their parents come. It honestly just depends on what the kids wanna do. We can play inside, in the backyard, and sometimes we go to the park,” Taehyung answered with an amused smile, “Let’s use this free time to conduct a more formal interview, shall we?”

Taehyung then asked you a series of questions about your summer schedule, if you’re willing to work every day of the week, how you feel about the kids, along with other things. You answered truthfully and kept up a professional demeanor. Taehyung seemed to be satisfied with your answers and leaned back in his chair.

“That all works for me! The people who really need to approve of you are the parents. I’ll introduce you to them later this afternoon. I’m sure they’ll all be fine once I vouch for you,” he nodded.

Soft giggles caught your attention. Taehyung signaled that break time was now over and led the way back to the living room. Kota and Bel were wrestling each other while the others threw pillows at them.  

“Did everyone have a good nap?” Taehyung sing songed.

“Yes!” they replied.

“Can we play house now?” Ava asked.

“Yeah! Miss ____ can be the mommy now!” Sam bounced up in excitement, “Our last mommy used to be a boy.”

“Jimin was a great mommy and I’m sure he misses you all dearly. Jimin is my roommate/best friend/ex-cobabysitter,” Taehyung explained.

The game of house was more hands on from your end. The kids demanded you to carry them and read them stories like a real mommy would. It was mainly the girls who wanted to play with you, while the boys took turns wrestling with Tae or riding on his back. You were braiding Lucy’s hair when the doorbell rang.

“Kota! Your mom is here!” Taehyung called from the front.

All the kids trickled out one by one as their parents arrived. Taehyung introduced you to each parent; their reactions were all positive, especially when their kids raved about you being the new Jimin.

“If she’s anything like Jimin, then I have nothing to worry about. I trust your judgement, Taehyung,” one of the sterner looking parents said (Sam’s father to be exact).

“Congrats! You got the job,” Taehyung congratulated you once all of the children were picked up, “We get paid on Fridays. I’ll basically just split what we earn 50/50, cool?”

“That’s fine by me! I’m looking forward to working with you,” you bow graciously.

“Ah! No need to be so formal. We’re partners now! I’m not your boss or anything,” Taehyung gave you a friendly pat on the shoulder, “See you tomorrow!”

Summer was about to get rather eventful. All of the children warmed up to you surprisngly quickly, even timid Lucy (who had arguably grown the most fond of you). As the days went on, you couldn’t help but admire Taehyung’s kindness and patience when it came to the kids. From firm to understanding, he was everything a caregiver should be. He handled spats between kids with ease, often by making them forgive each other then laugh at some silly joke of his.

One afternoon, the kids voted to watch a Disney movie. All seven of you curled up on the couch together with you and Taehyung in the middle. Lucy sat in your lap while Bel sat in Taehyung’s. Halfway through the movie, Taehyung fell asleep. The kids didn’t notice since they were so engrossed in the movie. You however, DID notice. Mostly because he rolled his sleepy head onto your shoulder.

Your heartbeat quickened as you slowly turned to take a peek at the handsome man sleeping beside you. He looked angelic, and you realized that he smelled pleasant too. He had a sweet scent that was uncharacteristic for a young man. You took a deep breath and pretended not to notice him. He didn’t wake up until the doorbell rang near the end of the movie.

He seemed to be confused and perhaps even slightly flustered when he lifted his head from your shoulder, but quickly shrugged it off to go answer the door. The incident (and the drool on your shoulder) was never mentioned.

It had been a month since you started babysitting with Taehyung, and it honestly had been a lot more fun than you expected. The kids are wonderful silly little beings and Taehyung is...well...Taehyung.

You were cleaning up the living room on a late Friday afternoon after all the kids had been picked up. Taehyung was somewhere splitting up the week’s paycheck. Once all the toys were back in their respective bins, it was time to gather your stuff and go.

“Great work this week,” Taehyung commended as he handed you your cut.

“Thanks! Same to you as always. I’ll see you on Monday,” you wave as you open the front door.

“Actually um--” Taehyung cleared his throat.

“Yes?” you whipped around with almost too much eagerness.

“My friend is part of an art gallery showing tomorrow night and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me? I heard there will be drinks and finger foods…” Taehyung trailed off, presumably due to imagining what kind of snacks will be served.

“I’d love to! I’m not an expert on art or anything, but it sounds cool,” you smile.

“No worries, I’m no expert either. I’m just a guy who appreciates neat expressions of creativity,” he nodded humbly, “I can pick you up at your place, if you’d like.”

“Sure, I’ll text you my address. Oh uh, what’s the dress code like? I don’t really attend these things,” you ask shyly.

“I’d say a step down from formal? Like no t-shirts or jeans. Pretend like you’re going on a date to some restaurant that isn’t a michelin star but is still classier than Olive Garden,” Taehyung tried to explain.

“I’ll do my best,” you smile at his peculiar way of describing the appropriate attire.

A smile never left your face as you drove home. A chance to hangout with Taehyung one on one without any kids around? All of his attention will be on you? Yes please. You love the kids and all, but you finally have a real chance to get closer to Taehyung. To be honest, you might have the teensiest little crush on him, but who could blame you?

The next day was spent preparing for your night out with Taehyung. It probably wasn’t a date (90% sure it’s not), but you wanted to look irresistible anyway. You put on a purple dress with flowy sleeves that made you feel like a princess. It was on the dressier side, but being slightly overdressed never hurt anyone.

You usually only had time to slap on mascara and a lip tint in the mornings before babysitting, but now you had abundant time to play around with your makeup. You settled for a soft yet glamorous look with shimmery eyeshadow and eyeliner. Sparkly lip gloss tied the whole look together and made your lips look tempting (or so you hoped). You decided to leave your hair alone since you were having a miraculously good hair day.

“Wow are you sure this isn’t a date?” Hyuna whistled when she walked into your room.

“It’s not! This is just the first time Taehyung will see me actually trying to look good,” you say defensively.

“You’re cute even in ratty t-shirts, but I get what you mean. Have fun tonight!” your roommate gave you a tight hug.

A strong knock on your front door indicated Taehyung’s arrival. Hyuna tagged along as you went to answer the door; she wanted to see the guy you’ve been gushing over for the past month for herself.

Your mouth hung open in shock for a split second when you opened the door. Taehyung also dressed up. He was wearing a bright sunflower shirt paired with a black blazer that perfectly combined fun with sophistication. He wore a red silky bandana looking belt for an added pop of color with his black pants.

“Hey Taehyung!” you greet him happily.

“Good evening, Miss ____. You look spectacular!” he complimented you immediately.

“So do you! It’s funny seeing you not in a t-shirt, though I’m sure you’re thinking the same thing,” you say.

“You’re charming even in your graphic tees, but this is a nice change of pace too,” Taehyung agreed.

“Hi! I’m Hyuna, ____’s roommate,” Hyuna butted in to shake his hand.

“Hi, I’m Taehyung, ____’s babysitting partner,” he introduced himself.

“We should get going,” you say politely before Hyuna could start to get chatty.

Hyuna mouthed an exaggerated “oh my god” coupled with a double thumbs up as you waved goodbye after Taehyung was already out the door. You playfully rolled your eyes but blew her a kiss anyway.

“I didn’t realize you lived so close to me,” Taehyung said as he pulled away from the curb.

“Yeah, it made the job even more appealing,” you nodded.

“I really am glad that you applied,” Taehyung said softly, as if to himself.

“Sorry, what was that?” you couldn’t hear him properly.

“Nothing! I said I’m glad you agreed to accompany me tonight!” Taehyung quickly stated.

“Thanks for inviting me out! I’m actually pretty excited,” you admitted.

The gallery was somewhere in the swanky part of downtown. You gazed out of the window at all of the high end stores Taehyung drove by. Everyone walking around the stores looked like supermodels, which was actually pretty intimidating. What if the people at the gallery looked like that too?

“We’re here!” Taehyung announced, interrupting your thoughts.

There was a decent amount of people wandering around the venue when you both entered. It was basically one big dimly lit room with spotlights on pieces scattered around on the walls plus some sculptures in the middle. Thankfully, the patrons already inside looked like normal people, most of them probably students like you.

“Taehyung!” someone called from the side of the room.

You both made your way towards the voice, only to find a man who was just as handsome as Taehyung greeting you with a bunny like smile. He had long hair that almost covered up his assorted dangly earrings. He definitely had art student vibes mixed with a dash of bad boy. The boys greeted each other with a ferocious hug, indicating that they’re probably good friends.

“Oh! What’s up, I’m Jungkook,” the boy shook your hand once he noticed you.

“She’s my babysitting partner this summer,” Taehyung said proudly.

“She’s replacing Jimin huh?” Jungkook laughed, “Taehyung and Jimin are like my brothers. We were all pretty close in college and are batchmates, even though I’m younger than them,” he stuck his tongue out at Taehyung.

“Yeah yeah okay whatever. Skipping grades in elementary school and bringing in a ton of transfer credits will help you do that I guess,” Taehyung shook his head even though he was still smiling.

“Are these your pictures?” you asked Jungkook, motioning to the mounted pictures behind him.

“Yeah! I took most of these in Madrid, I’ve been working abroad for my dream company,” Jungkook answered you proudly.

“Who’s this?” Taehyung pointed to a picture of a girl laughing by a giant tree.

“Yeah, she’s gorgeous!” you added.

“She’s um...a good friend. She was the perfect model,” Jungook said with a faraway look in his eyes that told you there was more to the story.

“Tell me more about her on our next phone call. Tonight is for celebrating you!” Taehyung picked up on Jungkook’s sudden change of tone.

You enjoyed listening to their old college stories as the boys reminisced about their past together. Jungkook relished telling you all of Taehyung’s embarrassing moments at various parties. Taehyung returned the favor by recalling Jungkook’s past run-ins with women. Despite his natural charm and god like looks, apparently Jungkook gets really nervous around girls.

You and Taehyung were on your own once Jungkook was flagged down by an older patron interested in purchasing some of his work. Taehyung stayed close to your side as you explored the rest of the gallery. Each artist was so incredibly talented as their pictures told  stories with just a single frame.

“____ look! They have those fancy charcuterie boards!” Taehyung grabbed your hand and excitedly dragged you over to the snack table. You couldn’t help but smile at his childlike elation.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve been getting tired of being force fed fruit snacks every day,” you laughed as you ate the assorted appetizers.

“I completely understand. Unfortunately, the kids are too sweet when they want to share. I don’t have it in me to turn them down,” Taehyung agreed.

Once the food was eaten, you resumed walking through the gallery. It was fun making up stories to go with each picture. Taehyung seemed to gravitate towards adding a romantic twist to each story, while you opted for a bit of mystery. At the end of the event, Taehyung met up with Jungkook once more to say his goodbyes.

“Thanks again for coming with me, I had fun! I hope you enjoyed yourself,” Taehyung said as he drove you back.

“It was really neat! I liked hanging out with you outside of work,” you nodded.

“Would you say it was a successful date then?” Taehyung raised an eyebrow with curiosity. Your heart skipped a beat as your eyes widened with surprise.

“Was...was this a date?” you asked quietly.

“Did you want it to be?” Taehyung teased.

“I wouldn’t have gotten so dressed up otherwise,” you said defensively, taken aback by his sudden cheekiness.

“I realized I should’ve clarified that after you had already left. My bad,” Taehyung shot you a boxy grin, “But then I figured maybe you would be more relaxed if I didn’t mention it.”

“That’s odd logic, but I guess it worked,” you admitted begrudgingly.

Taehyung walked you back up to your house. He sweetly kissed your cheek and bid you goodnight, leaving you frozen in place.

“S-see you on Monday!” was all you were able to stammer out, to which Taehyung just smiled and waved back.

Hyuna happily freaked out with you once you were back inside. She was watching you from the moment Taehyung pulled back up. She shrieked with excitement once you told her that Taehyung confirmed that it was a date. Hyuna didn’t let up with grilling questions about how your night went. She even asked if the Jungkook guy you met was single, to which you truthfully answered that you didn’t know.

“Besides, he told me himself that he’s scared of girls. You’re scary enough as is,” you teased her.

“Oh shut up. So is Taehyung like, your boyfriend now?” Hyuna asked the million dollar question.

“I don’t think so. I think it was just a date, but that’s a good start!” you declared optimistically.

Babysitting on Monday went on like normal. Taehyung didn’t act any differently, which was both concerning and relieving. You were in the backyard pretending to eat whatever dirt concoction the little kids were serving you.

“This one is for you,” Lucy quietly offered Taehyung a clump of dirt sprinkled with blades of grass, topped with a dandelion.

“Oh, how pretty! What is it?” Taehyung played along.

“It’s a love potion. The next person you hug will fall in love with you,” Lucy smiled.

A smirk crept on Taehyung’s face as he pretended to eat Lucy’s love potion. He made a satisfied “Ahh” sound that made Lucy giggle.

“Tae has to hug me now! He loves me the most!” Sam yelled as he ran over to latch onto Taehyung.

“No, Tae loves me!” Bel argued as he pulled on Taehyung’s shirt.

“That’s not how it works!” Lucy huffed as she yelled at the boys.

You watched with delight as the little kids chased Taehyung around the backyard, demanding that he has to hug them. It was easy for him to juke them out as they constantly ran back and forth. You were content with just watching them until Taehyung began to make a beeline for you.

“Oh no no no,” you cried as you got up to run.

Taehyung (and the kids) chased you around for a little bit. The backyard was on the smaller side, so there wasn’t much space to evade all of them coming for you at once. To make matters worse, Taehyung actually started to try and catch you. His speed was no joke; he was much more agile than you gave him credit for.

With one pounce, Taehyung tackled you to the ground. Somehow he managed to whip himself around while you were falling, so you ended up falling on him. Now wrapped up in his arms, Taehyung smiled up at you with a shit eating grin.

“I guess you have to fall in love with me now,” he smirked.

“You wish,” you laughed as you pulled yourself up.

“Aw now he loves Miss _____,” Sam pouted.

“No, now Miss ____ has to fall in love with Tae,” Ava corrected him.

“That’s dumb,” Kota shook his head.

“Tae! Kota said a bad word!” Bel immediately tattled.

“Kota, remember what I said about bad words. No one wants to play with someone who says mean things,” Taehyung chided him.

“Sorry,” Kota mumbled.

“Let’s play go play inside. Who wants juice?” Taehyung patted Kota’s head.

The kids followed Taehyung inside like little ducklings. You loved that sight, you always thought it was the cutest thing. The rest of the day went by without a hitch.

The topic of favorite movies came up during lunchtime the next day.

“I like Frozen 2,” Ava stated, and Lucy nodded furiously in agreement.

“Detective Pikachu was better. Pikachu is funny,” Sam interjected. The other little boys then began to argue about which pokemon was better/stronger.

“I’m not really a big movie watcher,” Taehyung confessed as he took a bite of a dino chicken nugget.

“Have you at least seen the classics? Harry Potter? Lord of the Rings? Star Wars?” you listed with concern.

“I’ve seen Harry Potter and Star Wars. I think I saw the Lord of the Rings? I can’t really remember. I know I wanted to watch the newer Lord of the Rings movies,” he chuckled at your growing disbelief.

“Newer Lord of the Rings? You mean the Hobbit series?” you were disgruntled.

“Yeah those. I didn’t realize you were a nerd,” he nudged you.

“What of it? All of those are great movies. I have copies of the Hobbit series if you ever wanted to watch them,” you offered.

“Do you wanna watch them with me?” he perked up.

“Sure, I love them! You wanna do a marathon? It’ll take up a full day though,” you warned.

“I’m down. Are you free this Sunday?”

“I believe so.”

“Great! I’m excited to see you geek out over hobbits. Okay kids, naptime!”

You drove up to Taehyung’s place Sunday morning, you weren’t kidding when you said it would take all day. Taehyung said to dress comfortably so you showed up in your sweatpants and oversized college tee. He answered the door wearing gray sweatpants and his favorite CELINE shirt. His dark fluffy hair fell over his forehead and was almost long enough to cover his eyes.

“Good morning! I hope you’re hungry. I made some waffles to eat while we watch the first movie,” he greeted you.

His humble abode smelled heavenly as the scent of dough tinged with a hint of cinnamon wafted through the air. The soft belgian waffles were delicious as they practically melted in your mouth. Taehyung asked a ton of questions with nearly every scene, but you didn’t mind. You were happy to flex your knowledge of Tolkien lore.

Hours later, you found yourself cuddled up with Taehyung as the final credits of the Battle of Five Armies began to roll. Taehyung was still trying to process everything that happened as he asked you clarifying questions about each character.

“Well crap, now I’m sad,” he pouted.

“Yeah, the ending is kind of a downer, but that’s what makes it so good! The Lord of the Rings has a happy ending if that makes you feel better,” you look up at him from his chest.

“You look cute like that,” he observed.

“Like what? Tiny from your angle?” you tilted your head.

“I guess so? Tiny, maybe submissive,” Taehyung’s voice lowered with his suggestion.

“Submissive? Is that how you see me?” you sit back up completely with defiance.

“Not at all. You’re pretty feisty, which is why making you be submissive is even more alluring,” he raised his eyebrow in a suggestive manner.

“Do you want me to be a damsel in distress for you? Not happening,” you smirked.

“Pretty princesses are good for one thing,” Taehyung hopped off the couch.

Before you could say anything, he promptly grabbed you and swung you over his shoulder. You were too shocked by his boldness and physical abilities to retaliate.

“They’re perfect for kidnapping!” he let out a dramatic evil laugh as he carried you off to his bedroom.

Once there, he roughly threw you on the bed. You couldn’t help but look around curiously since this was the first time you’ve ever seen his room. It was surprisingly neat; his bed was made and there were no messy clothing piles in sight.

“Are you an evil dragon then? Capturing princesses and such?” you teased.

“Evil dragon, dashing captor, I can be anything you want me to be. Just please not an orc,” he let out a chuckle before getting back into character, “Just know that you’re trapped here with me. No one is going to rescue you.”

“Oh no! What a terrible situation to be in! What on Earth is this extremely handsome dragon going to do with a poor defenseless princess like me?” you taunted.

“Ok this is all very hot but before we go any further, are you okay with this?” Taehyung asked sincerely.

“I can’t think of anything that I’ve wanted more,” you nodded.

“Perfect. Safe word is red,” he winked at you, “Now strip for me, princess.”

“And if I don’t?” you challenged.

Taehyung grabbed a fistful of hair on the back of your head and forcefully brought you up to his face, “I suggest not making me angry,” he sneered.

You didn’t think you were one for being manhandled, but god damn that was hot. There was already a tingle between your legs and he hadn’t even really touched you yet. You complied with his request, and quickly tore off your shirt and pants. Though you weren’t wearing any fancy lingerie, you were wearing a gray bra and gray panties that could pass off as matching.

“Mmm what a pretty treasure. It would be a shame to let it gounappreciated,” Taehyung stretched out that last word as he gently ran his fingers from your torso up to your neck before firmly grasping it.

Taehyung straddled you as his long fingers were wrapped around your neck. Slowly, he leaned down to kiss you. Though apprehensive at first, he gradually got more bold with it. His tongue dipped into your mouth the instant your lips parted. His other hand crept under your bra to fondle your breast.

“You take your clothes off too,” you said as soon as the kiss broke.

“You don’t get to make any demands, silly princess,” Taehyung shook his head.

You pouted and reached out to tug at his pants anyway. Big mistake. Taehyung slapped your hand away and slammed you back onto the bed.

“You don’t listen, huh? I’ll have to do something about that. Stay still or else you’ll make things worse for yourself,” he ordered.

You reluctantly obeyed, partly because you were curious about what he was going to do, and partly because you were actually intimidated by him. He returned back to the bed a few seconds later, but with a familiar silky red belt in hand.

“Give me your hands. Good girl,” he smiled deviously as he bound them together, “Remember the safe word is red, okay?” he gently reminded you.

He looked down at you with a satisfied grin as he began to take off his sweatpants. He had an obvious bulge in his underwear that outlined his massive dick. You were further entranced by his physique when he took off his shirt. He wasn’t ripped, but he was still fit, as you could plainly see when his chest was finally revealed.

“Open wide, princess,” he demanded.

You opened your mouth, and even flattened your tongue out a little bit for him. He pulled his cock out of his underwear, finally exposing his full length. You doubted you could fit even half of him in your mouth, but at this point it wasn’t up to you.

Taehyung lowered himself down to you, and teasingly tapped the tip of his cock on your tongue. He slowly eased himself into your mouth, forcing you to open your mouth even wider to account for his girth. He made his way back out once you gagged. He grabbed your head to hold you steady as he fucked your mouth once more. He got closer and closer to the back of your throat until he finally hit it. All you could focus on was breathing as tears welled up in your eyes. Taehyung thrusted a couple more times before he pulled out completely.

“Good girl indeed. Well done, princess,” he softly stroked your chin before wiping your tears away. All you could do was smile meekly back at him.

“Don’t worry, it’s time for your reward,” Taehyung smiled down at you as his hand slipped under your panties, “Oh you’re so wet. I can’t wait to taste you.”

He positioned himself between your thighs after he tore off your panties. His thumb fiddled with your clit, causing you to squirm. He placed a strong grip on your thigh to hold you down as he circled your clit faster. Your helpless whimpers were music to Taehyung’s ears.

Without warning, he easily stuck two fingers into you. He didn’t even let you adjust as he rapidly fingered you, his fingers curving to graze your g-spot with every stroke. His tongue swirled around your clit, adding even more toe curling sensations.

Him adding a third finger was the catalyst for the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had in your life. There wasn’t even a build up, everything just hit you at once. Suddenly you were crying out even louder as you violently came. Did it occur to you that you were squirting all over Taehyung and his bed? No. Were you doing exactly that? Absolutely.

“Delicious,” Taehyung said as he licked his lips, “Look at the fucking mess you made.”

“I-i’m sorry,” you managed to stutter, you were still recovering from your orgasm.

“It’s only fair that it’s my turn to make a mess now. Do I need to get a condom, princess?” he cooed.

You weakly shook your head. You needed to feel all of him, right now. Taehyung chuckled at your neediness as he aligned himself with your pussy. He slowly inserted his entire length into you until the base of his cock touched your soaked pussy. You moaned together as he stayed still for a second. You looked up to see Taehyung’s face lit up with pure bliss.

“You’re still so fucking wet,” he growled as he began to mercilessly buck his hips into you.

You moaned with every thrust as Taehyung shook the entire bed. Taehyung placed both of your legs on his shoulders, allowing him to hit you even deeper from this new angle. He leaned over to plant his lips on your neck as he fucked you. What started as a gentle peck took a violent turn as he harshly sucked on your neck. He left dark spots wherever his lips touched, and soon you were covered in dark blooms.

“Do you want me to soil your back or your chest?” he asked in a guttural tone.

“Back?” you answer dubiously.

You were immediately flipped over. You were laying flat on your chest waiting for him to prop up your ass, but he never did. Instead, he simply spread your legs wider and fucked you flat against the bed. Taehyung grabbed your ass and spread your cheeks to get a better view of your sopping pussy. You could feel another orgasm brewing as he fucked even deeper into you, and his cock was continuously dragging against your g-spot.

“Taehyung, I--”

“I know, princess. Let it all out. I want to feel you come on my dick,” he demanded.

A few more strong strokes was all it took for you to go limp under him as your orgasm took over. Seconds after you hit your high, Taehyung pulled out and came all over your back.

Once you were all cleaned up, Taehyung untied you and kissed your forehead.

“How was it, princess?” he asked as he stroked your hair.

“I’ve never been fucked by a beast before, but now I don’t want anything else,” you admitted before kissing his neck.

“Good. I was worried about going overboard. As I told you before, I really like getting into character,” he laughed.

“I’ve never been into roleplay but I’m willing to change for you. Oh shit, it’s late already,” you noticed the time on his alarm clock.

“Just stay the night. I don’t think the kids will care if you’re wearing sweatpants or not. I can lend you a turtleneck to cover up those hickies though,” Taehyung yawned.

“Are you sure?” you questioned.

“Yeah, I don’t mind. Be warned, I’m a cuddler,” he pulled you closer to him.

“I guess I can sleep in a little later then,” you reasoned.

“Perfect. Goodnight, princess,” he quickly kissed your lips.

“You’re sleeping like that?”

“Like what?”

“Butt naked?”

“I can put clothes on if it makes you uncomfortable. I just figured it would make things easier for tomorrow morning,” he said sleepily.

“Tomorrow morning?” that got your attention.

“You’ll see! Be patient, princess. Night night.”

Never in a million years would you have guessed that applying for a babysitting job would result in this, but you weren’t complaining.

Published April 17, 2021. No editing, copying, translating, or reposting allowed. All Rights Reserved © 2021 Baepsaesbae.

[eresia-catara]

That Sappho's and Guido's poetry comparison article sounds like heaven or earth??? If you have a link would you mind sharing it? 👀

Awh I'm sorry but the article is in italian! It mainly talked about Sappho, the part about Cavalcanti was just a brief comment :( However, I can expand a little on the subject if you're interested :') (for what my analysis is worth...)

So, let's focus on the kind of love that Sappho described in her poems: it's a love that makes you suffer and long (sometimes with jealousy!) and that gives you no rest, as we can see, for example, in fragment I ("Immortal Aphrodite, on your intricately brocaded throne...") and in the famous fragment XXXI ("That man seems to me to be equal to the gods..."). In it, she describes the effects that this emotion solicits when she looks at the girl even for a short amount of time, which are: a fluttering heart, inability to speak, the skin feels on fire, inability so see and buzzing ears, cold sweat, tremors and becoming "greener than grass" with the result that she feels and looks close to death.

It's amazing how, even though in medieval western europe Sappho's poems had been lost (and generally speaking the knowledge of the greek language), we can see many similarities in Guido's poems! He talks about a love that is tragic, that originates from the sight of the loved one, who looks like an angel (but it's important to specify that they're not one), and it rips your soul into many little pieces (he calls them "little spirits", how cute) which results in a spiritual/metaphorical death. So, although with different meanings (behind Guido's poems is a complex philosophical belief), we can already see two similarities: love originates from sight, it brings you closer to death, and the person looks of divine nature.

Now, let's give a look at Guido's description of the effects of love (each taken from various poems): it makes your heart ache, you're unable to speak (you can only sigh), the mere sight of the loved one cannot be comprehended (which also means the eyes cannot see clearly), it takes away your vigour, brings tremors and makes you look pale like death and it feels like you're dying (which technically, according to him, you are).

Notice anything? Yep...

It would be interesting to also consider Catullus, who wrote a poem modelled on Sappho's XXXI, his carmen LI ("That man seems to me to be equal to the gods..." yep, same sentence), where he also talks about his senses being "ripped away" from him so he's not able to speak, hear or see, and I say this especially because in the middle ages poets could read Catullus, although it seems he wasn't very famous...but it's also known that Guido was really really cultured compared to most of his contemporaries (may I remind you, Dante was his best friend) so who knows if he read it or not! Personally, I wouldn't be too pessimistic...

Soo...this is all I can offer right now :] perhaps in the future I will develop thots™ on it, but for now I hope this can make up for the article! Have a nice day/night >3

[cheeriecherry]

hi!! how are you? can you write for baku, deku, & todo where they meet their s/o family for the first time & they’re super scary? they’re all super tall, buff, full of tattoos, loud, aggressive, mean & the fam is super overprotective over s/o & the 3 are just freaking out bc s/o is the opposite? s/o is super sweet, calm, bubbly & short so the last thing they were expecting was this & they’re just freaking out & trying to get on their s/o’s family good side? sorry if that sounds complicated 😭

The more specific the ask, the better! I’ll see what my brain can come up with, I’ve just had couch medicine so

Requests are temporarily closed so I can catch up on them!

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

-Loud boi isn’t gonna let anyone know that he’s intimidated.

-He’s already a little nervous to meet your family for the first time, though he’d never admit it. You were so hesitant to ask him to come over, and at first he thought it was because he was the loud and aggressive one.

-But that Saturday afternoon when he walks up to your house and your dad answers the door, he’s like ‘oh’ and it all clicks into place.

-He loves you a lot, so he wants to make a good impression, but he also never backs down from a challenge. So he and your dad have a stare down in the doorway, until you stroll around the corner and see them.

-You scold your dad and tell him to stop being rude to your boyfriend. Your dad doesn’t say anything, but he sighs and lets Bakugou in.

-The fun doesn’t stop there, though. You tug Bakugou around the house from room to room introducing him to your family, and every single one of them gives him the same cold, mildly threatening stare.

-Ngl your uncle who lives in the basement apartment kinda scares him, but he doesn’t say anything and tries to play it cool. The guy is built like a brick house and covered head to toe in intricate tattoos.

-He doesn’t mention it, but you can tell that your boyfriend is wondering about potential ties you have to the mafia, with a guy like that living in your house. But you assure him it’s just your uncle’s quirk that gives him the art on his skin, and that he’s actually pretty shy about it and doesn’t like going out.

-The last person he meets is your mom. With everyone being so much taller and physically stronger than you, he assumes that your mom is gonna be the person you got your tiny genes from.

-Lol no

-She’s at least six feet tall, and without a doubt the most intimidating person in the house. She’s got the face of an angel and the grace of a butterfly, but behind her smile Bakugou can see the willingness to kill anyone who hurts her baby (you).

-Lunch with the fam is a little awkward at first, until your younger cousin goads Bakugou into a spice eating contest. Then the shouting at the table begins, everyone placing their bets on who they think will win. You’re the only one who bets on your boyfriend, and you get like a hundred collective bucks out of your family members when he wins.

-He’s earned the respect of your cousin, who’s like eight maybe and now deems Bakugou a respectable opponent. Bakugou is torn between yelling and patting the kid on the head, so he probably does both and shouts at the kid to keep practicing so they can try and beat him one day.

-At the end of the visit, your boyfriend is surprisingly calm. You’re walking him home, arm in arm, not really saying much. Though you do tell him that he’s taking your living situation pretty well.

-He’s like wdym? And you explain to him that most of your friends and potential partners are scared of your family and refuse to come over because of them.

-Bakugou just scoffs and is like ‘of course they are, because they’re chicken shits. As if I’d be scared of a bunch of-’ and he pauses because you start laughing, not at him, just about the situation.

-Your family actually really likes him and find him a suitable boyfriend for you. They know you’re strong, but they want someone who can protect you and who’s loyal to you, and they see that in Bakugou. They probably invite him to the next family gathering.

MIDORIYA IZUKU

-A nervous boi

-He wants so badly to make a good impression on your family, to get their approval of your relationship. He knows you’re close with them, so he doesn’t want their potential opinions of him to sway your desire to be with him.

-He dresses casually but tidy, and while he waits at the door he fiddles with his shirt a bit.

-Almost has a heart attack when your sister opens the door and glares down at him with the rage of 1000 suns.

-He does his best to introduce himself formally and be polite, but your sister is making it awfully hard for him to stay focused. She doesn’t say anything to him, so he just continues chattering until he’s off on a tangent and saying way too much.

-And you’re like ‘I feel my boyfriend danger senses tingling’ so you go downstairs and lo and behold. 

-Ofc he’s not in any actual danger, just the danger of making a fool of himself. You set a hand on your sister’s arm, and the moment you do it’s like all the anger in her body dissipates and she turns into a sweet, smiling bean. Then she skips away to go do her homework.

-You pull Midoriya inside and give him a once-over anyways, just to make sure your sister didn’t burn holes in him with her glares. But he assures you he’s alright, and he’s a lot more relaxed now that you’re around.

-Probably says something like ‘I can see why you were so nervous about bringing me to your house, your older sister seems really protective of you’

-and you’re like ‘um,,,,actually she’s my younger sister’ and he’s like ‘wot’ and you’re like ‘also she’s the least scary of everyone’ and he’s like ‘wOT’

-You waste no time parading him from room to room to show him off, all while his soul slowly escapes his body.

-Your parents actually scare him the least, like, of course they’re protective of you, but they have the common courtesy not to exaggerate their scary qualities. They still tower over both you and Midoriya, but they’re mostly civil in terms of interactions.

-Your older brothers scare him a little bit more. They share the basement suite, so you drag your boyfriend downstairs to introduce them all to each other...and interrupt their poker game with their friends.

-All of them have some kind of tattoo visible, nothing Midoriya recognizes as any gang symbol, but he’s still wary. However, he manages to say hello and all the pleasantries, and actually gets a smile out of one of your brothers, who tries to rope him into a game of cards.

-Thankfully you save him with the excuse that you still have more family to show him off to, but he’s left with the promise of ‘later, then’.

-Lastly is your sister, who he’s technically already met. She’s arguably the scariest of everyone. She’s easily almost six feet tall and looks like she could bench press the two of you with ease. You promise him that she’s a literal sweet pea, but when the two of you walk up to her room, Midoriya isn’t so sure.

-She glares at him hard, like she’s judging him about everything and if he doesn’t pass she’ll snap him in half. He has to swallow the lump in his throat, and quickly looks around the room for some kind of thing to ask about that might get her to open up.

-And he sees it. One of the rarer All Might figures from an old merch line, one that he also has, so he’s like ‘do you like All Might’ and it’s like a switch is flipped.

-You breathe a sigh of relief as the two of them start nerding out about their favourite hero, sprouting facts and recalling films and old news videos. When he mentions that All Might teaches at his school, your sister honest to god squeals, and starts asking all kinds of questions about what kind of teacher he is, what he’s learned, what it’s like to be a protogee of such a great hero. He answers everything with glee, all his former fears forgotten.

-When it comes time for dinner, your sister insists that your boyfriend sit next to her, which is apparently a very high honor because one of your brothers sulks off to the other end of the table. (You assure your brother later that it’s just temporary and that your sister just really likes your boyfriend).

-But seeing the two of them interact warms your heart, it’s usually hard for your sister to make friends because she’s so intimidating, so you’re glad they’re getting along. And so does the rest of your family! They see Midoriya’s kindness and hardworking attitude, and they warm up to him pretty quickly.

-It ends up being a really enjoyable night, despite the rocky start. Though sadly yes your boyfriend does eventually get roped into a game of poker, and yes your brother’s cheat, but you cheat too, and you’re all betting in chocolate coins. You share your hoard with him.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

-He goes into it being not nervous, and ends up being Quite nervous once he meets your family.

-When he arrives, you’re thankfully the one to answer the door, so he doesn’t get hassled, so everything seems pretty normal right off the bat. Until your cousin walks through the room and is like ‘???? who’s this pipsqueak???’ and Todoroki is torn between being his usual snarky self and being polite.

-He wats to throw shade right back, but for your sake he wants to make a good impression. You’re used to his manners (or lack thereof) but he doesn’t want your family to think he’s not worthy of you. He really loves you a lot and wants to stay with you.

-So he goes for a formal introduction, even going in for a handshake. It’s kind of funny, because your cousin is like ‘lol what are manners’ but your glare forces him to return the gesture. His hand completely dwarfs your boyfriend’s, and you have to hide a snicker.

-And then the guy awkwardly wanders out of the room.

-You and Todoroki kind of just stand there for a second, and then he’s like ‘is this what you meant when you said your family was intimidating’ and you’re like ‘:3′

-You give him a tour of the house, a nice modest place with traditional aspects. It’s nowhere near as big as his, but he like it that way, it makes the place more homey and warm.

-You introduce him to family members as you come across them; your younger twin nuisances cousins, who are more mischievous than dangerous, your aunt and her wife, who look like they could get away with murder, your brother and his friends, who mostly only glare at Todoroki to try and make him uncomfortable.

-Thankfully he’s used to the stoic and slightly scary expressions, thanks to his dad. He wonders momentarily if you’re safe here, but then he realizes that everyone in the house is especially kind to you, and very affectionate when they think he’s not looking. He doesn’t even bother asking the question.

-Lastly are your parents, who are in the kitchen preparing dinner. They’re a little perturbed that you’re both in the kitchen when they’re working, but they seem to be less purposefully intimidating than everyone else. They’re still a little scary though.

-Then he notices that your parents are making soba. From scratch. Which is particularly difficult to master, so he figures they must be pretty well practiced if they’re so good at it.

-Without thinking, he asks if they’ve made soba before, and soon your parents are sprouting off about their culinary careers and the restaurant they run. You were supposed to take over one day, but you ultimately chose a different path in life, even after they taught you so much.

-Todoroki didn’t even realize you could cook, but now he wants more than anything to try your meals someday, or learn a few things from you and make dinners together.

-It startles him a little that he’s thinking so far ahead in your lives, but honestly if you’ve managed to get him as a boyfriend then you’re likely to have him for your whole life, if you want him.

-He talks a little more with your parents about the food, expressing in his way that he’s looking forward to a dinner that’s had so much hard work go into it. And you can see the little light go on in your parents’ heads, the light that signals they approve of your choice in boyfriend and have started making room in their hearts for him.

-Dinner is nice, pretty peaceful aside from your twin cousins causing their usual trouble, but he’s nonplussed by it. he still wonders how you managed to come out so small in comparison to everyone else, but it doesn’t bother him too much. He can see that you’re loved and well cared for, and a little piece of him hopes that one day he’ll be able to get to know your family even better.

[nincompoopydoo]

PINING, BAGELS, REPEAT.

— WHEN THE DRINKING'S DONE ; PART 6 / ?

( gif from this gifset by @jascontodd )

PAIRING: Bruce Wayne x reader

WORD COUNT: 2.9k

SUMMARY: Sunday night dinner with your mother doesn’t go as planned when Bruce shows up unexpectedly at your door and you both know how your mother really loves him alot.

A/N: Slow and kinda long-winded chapter again haha. I used to be the kind of person who couldn’t write long stuff. Now look at me. Who is she??? Enjoy this one yall. Probably one or two more chapters to go, depends on how much I can write <3

WARNINGS: Swearing, alcohol. I write about what I feel and they are very real. So if you find these things triggering, please do not read this.

MASTERLIST ; MASTERPOST

Sunday night. You’re in an apron, flushed from the heat of the stove. You’ve just poured a glass of wine for your mother, but she doesn’t drink it—too busy walking around your apartment, clearing your stuff as she criticizes your lack of cleanliness and organization. Grading papers during exam season keeps you busy. Needless to say, you don’t have the time to clean your goddamn house.

You still love her anyway.

You’re at the sink, purple-stained fingers from peeling the tunic of the red onions are under running water when there is a knock on your door. It’s deafening, rapid, and agitating. You’ve just spilled boiling water onto your hand and you really don’t need another problem to come charging at your front door. Literally.

Moving out of the kitchen with haste, you call out over your shoulder to your mother to quit rearranging with bits and bobs of stationary and papers because yes, it’s messy but you know exactly where everything is. The knocking doesn’t cease, and your annoyance aggravates further. You’re gonna have to punch someone or something if it doesn’t stop.

You aggressively pushed the barrel of the bolt lock, swinging the door open as the strands of your wild hair flew backward in the sudden blow of air.

All forms of anger and agitation disappear as soon as your gaze meets the flushed face of none other than Bruce fucking Wayne, dressed in a grey dress vest, tie hanging loosely a pristine white shirt, and an ebony tweed overcoat. This feels like deja vu. Your expression goes through a series of mixed emotions, mostly confusion, when it morphed into a guise of embarrassment, cheeks even redder. “Don’t tell me I texted you by accident again?” He blinks, seemingly as bewildered as you are. “What? No, no. No. I—” His sentence is cut short when he takes a moment to catch his breath. Your brows are frowning even deeper than before. “Did you run here or something? And what are you doing here anyway?”

Bruce shifts in his stance, a palm against the door frame, shaking his head. He feels small under your interrogative stare. “No, I came here to see you…” he trails off, eyes shamelessly skirting across your figure. He just now notices that it may be a bad time for him to turn up, and you’re hit with the realization you’re in a ratty apron, very red and very sweaty. You’re right. It is deja vu because why are you always a mess when Bruce shows up at your front door unannounced? You abruptly pull the apron over your head, hurling it behind the door, hands palming the frizz of your hair into a somewhat presentable look.

“Look, I need to talk you—”

“Honey! Who’s at the door?” He’s being cut off mid-sentence again. This time, by your mother’s voice from the living room. Your eyes are wide again—so are his.

Your mother’s fondness for Bruce is an understatement. Obsession is a better word. She had only met him once, and that was six years ago but the conceptualization of being somewhat related to an exceptionally handsome and successful man had gotten to her head all those years ago. Hell, she loves him more than she loves you. Your mother—A woman who wishes to call your best friend ‘son’ with a whole lot of love to give. If she discovers Bruce is here, at your doorstep, she will never let go. Never. And you both know it. There’s a silent understanding that travels between the two of you and the look you’re giving him tells only one thing—Run before it’s too late.

“Bruce Wayne as I live and breathe...”

Well, too late.

A small-statured lady stands on the farther side of the hallway, face lit up with sheer joy and excitement as if she had just won a lottery. She approaches him with arms open wide and soon, her hands are laid on his cheeks, examining the man’s face carefully. Bruce just stands there, stiff as a rock, unsure of how to regain his composure from all the adrenaline of wanting to see you now that he was in such close proximity to the woman who raised you. When it’s you, he tends to struggle with timing and it’s partly the reason he has never managed to act on his feelings for you. For the longest time, he has wanted to be more than friends or whatever the hell this was. He had been hesitant but now, he’s very sure.

Sometimes it feels like it's the right person but the wrong time. He doesn’t want it to be that way. He wants to make things right with you.

And there he was, being squished under the grasp of the lady that loves him very much.

He catches your gaze; you flash him a sympathetic smile as you mouth the word “sorry.” Bruce arches his brows, indicating he has no idea what to do or how to get out of this situation.

“You’ve grown so much since the last time I saw you!” the older woman exclaims, a hand now firmly on his shoulder, the other brushing away his long strands of hair from his face with affection. Bruce would never admit it; he likes the attention your mother gives to him—the touch of a mother. Something he longs for.

“Why don’t you come in and join us for dinner? There's more than enough food.”

Crap, you should have known that question was bound to be mentioned. You’re not convinced that you will be able to suppress your emotional heartburn and the idea of Bruce tasting the dishes you’re cooking, it’s making your palms sweat. But what the hell. You shouldn’t be this nervous around him, you’ve known each other for years. He has seen you at your worst and vice versa.

Still, you’ll like to avoid the predicament of a dinner table set for you, your mother, and the man you secretly love. You’re quick with an answer. “Oh, I’m sure he has other important things to do. Bruce is very busy—”

“I’ll be happy to. I have no plans for tonight after all.”

You stare at Bruce, eyes glimmering with shock and betrayal—he is supposed to be on your side. He simply sends you a swift wink, and you feel the growing and most likely apparent deep red of your already flushed cheeks. You glance away to face your mother, eye crinkling in hopes of concealing the effect he has on you. Well, at least your mother looks fucking overjoyed. Maybe the night won’t end in disappointment.

-

The scent of chicken and spice whiffs through the air from the dishes of chicken and chorizo paella you’ve managed to whip up in a quick thirty minutes—a recipe you came by in an article titled “Fancy dishes for lazy cooks.” Well, it’s certainly working; everyone looks pleasantly surprised when you emerge from the kitchen with a cast-iron skillet within your kitchen gloved-grasp.

Happiness is the sound of the clinking of cutlery against nearly empty smeared plates, the splash of wine cascading from the bottle you held into the glasses of your guests, and the occasional laughter that erupts from your mother as Bruce tries to make a joke through mouthfuls of paella. A symphony of contentment and comfort, composed and orchestrated by the two most significant individuals in your life. Beauty is made anywhere beautiful people are; in this space, cramped up at the beech wooden table made for one by the casement window that overlooks the apartment across yours.

This side of Bruce—where boyish smiles were manifested and hearty laughs arising from the belly—is the side you miss the most. Years ago, things felt simpler though your past self would deny that notion as human life continues to become more intricate as we grow older and our eyes see more. Innocence to maturity. Happiness to grief. But, the complexity of this warfare between the brain and the heart seems to reside in perpetual darkness, no light at the end of the tunnel. For a long time, you thought deciding to be alone could eventually bring peace to the madness but maybe, you’ve been with the wrong people this whole time. It’s your reflection against the window pane that shows the evident crinkle in your eyes and the constant upward in the curve of your lips even though it contrasts the gloomy hues of blue from the sky at twilight—you’re happy.

It’s the way your mother leans over and wipes off the bits of rice from the corner of your mouth and the exchange of awkward smiles when Bruce accidentally brushes his hand against yours when reaching for the fork. This is what you want. And maybe, just maybe, you deserve to not be alone.

“So, have you decided on who you’re taking to the wedding?”

Your mother’s voice hauls you back from your daydream. She gives you a knowing look, discretely glancing towards Bruce on the other end of the table. She knows you don’t have a date, and you know she wants you to bring Bruce. You feel your anxiety creep back in.

This is weirdly the second time you’re in this situation.

“I don’t know yet...” In times like this, you wonder if your mother wields some sort of magical ability of truth or something because no matter how much you try, you can never lie to her. And now, you wish the ground would collapse and swallow you up. You know she means well, but oh my God, Bruce is staring at you and you don’t know what to do with your hands anymore.

“Wedding?” Bruce chirps with a questioning brow as he glances between you and your mother. Now, you’re forced to explain for the sake of context. “My cousin’s getting married next week and mom here wants me to bring a date.” Your mother’s expression indicates that you’re lying through your teeth. Yet in reality, it’s not technically a lie if you’re leaving parts of reason out of the explanation because it’s true she wants you to bring a date but you don’t mention how you don’t want to go alone because weddings make you sad.

It sounds pathetic.

Bruce just nods, taking a sip of his wine. The fact he’s not saying anything is making you anxious. You thought you didn’t want him to be your date but now, maybe you do. These feelings are messing up your brain. It’s just mush now, and there’s no cure.

These are the times you want to say “Fuck you, Bruce” but in the nicest way possible.

“Why don’t you bring Bruce?”

She was direct as they come but is mostly tired of your lack of initiative and doubt. I mean, it’s not like you’re asking him to marry you, right? And honestly, you’re kind of relieved you didn’t have to be one to do it but you can’t keep depending on her to do all the heavy lifting for you. You’re not a teenager anymore. You’re a goddamn grown adult.

Nevertheless, you peer at his reaction to this from the corner of your eye, fully expecting some sort of a resting jaded expression or eyes wide in horror but he’s just looking at you...with that look—highly bewildered and almost seems to be entertained by your embarrassment. Despite the purse of his lips, you manage to catch sight of the slight impish tuck of his lips.

He thinks it's the wine, but he isn’t exactly sure.

“Yeah, sure. Why not?”

-

“Are you sure about this?” you cross your arms, as you watch Bruce shrug on his coat from the rack. The two of you are squeezed in the entryway of your apartment, huddling in hushed conversation. “About what?” he asks absentmindedly when in reality, he knows exactly what you’re referring to. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, it’s an excuse to be around you longer. You purse your lips, shifting in your stance, eyes flickering away from his gaze. “About coming to the wedding,” you say it slowly, carefully, like you’re afraid to and you’re not sure why. He nods with the furrow of his brows, tugging his hands into the pockets of his ebony tweed coat. “I’m sure...Unless you don’t want me to come—”

“No, no. God, of course, I want you to come,” you stop, realizing how your sudden outburst of excitement must have made you seem desperate. You clear your throat, feet shifting once more. “I don’t want to pull you off work just because I don’t want to be alone.”

He raises his brows, nearing a little closer to you. “So that’s the real reason?” A hint of a smile—it’s a teasing one. You simply throw a fist to his arm yet unable to stifle your growing smile. “Don’t be a jerk.”

Bruce winces followed by a laugh that comes out more light a puff of air as he bares his palms in a gesture of surrender. “Hey, I didn’t say anything.”

Maybe, it’s the walls of this hallway, covered with hung framed photographs of family, childhood, and friends because it’s starting to feel warm. You think it’s the way his eyes light up when you laugh, radiating a sort of comforting warmth on this cold night. It feels like home. Bruce feels like home. You notice the prominent stain of your mother’s lipstick on his left cheek. You bring one hand to rest on the curve of his cheekbone, thumb trying to efface the smeared stain away.

You’re not sure if it's the smell of his deodorant or the sudden sense of his breath on your skin that made you comprehend the closing gap between your face and his. In an instant, your hand jerks away and returns to your side, clenching to a fist. Bruce clears his throat, bringing a hand up to scratch the growing stubble at his jaw. The touch of your fingers lingers like a burn.

Recognizing the tension in the air, you decide to avert your thoughts back to the conversation you were having in the first place. “You know, you don’t have to come. Really. You’ve done a lot for me, and you know that.”

“Yes...but I’ll always have your back no matter what.”

He smiles at you. The kind that reaches his eyes. He looks younger like this.

“And I’ll always have yours, Bruce.”

You’re an idiot. He’s an idiot. You’re just two idiots, standing in the hallway with hearts that feel like they’re about to explode. Despite the lingering tension in the air that’s still present, you bring him into an embrace. It feels natural, your arms around his shoulder and his on the small of your back. “Thanks for everything. Especially for making my mom really happy.” you punctuate your sentence with a gentle caress to the back where his shoulders meet. You hear the muffled sound of his laugh, feeling the rumble of his chest against yours as you try not to squirm at the brush of his unshaven chin against the curve of your neck. “No problem,” he mumbles before pulling away.

“And you need a shave.” You’re pointing to his chin and he finds himself scratching it again. He merely hums in response.

Swinging the door open while you wave him goodbye feels like a part of you is leaving. You’re not sure why you’re feeling this newly found emptiness in you when you know you’ll see him next week. You decide to blame the wine. It’s easier that way.

He’s walking away, already out of view when you decide you should really say something at least.

“Bruce,” you suddenly call out; he turns on his heels and backtracks a little too eager to face you at the doorway. “What was it you wanted to talk about?” He frowns in response, head tilting in a questioning manner. “When you came here, you said you needed to talk.”

He recalls the real reason he was here in the first place. Rushing to your door like you’re about to disappear any minute. Yet, you’re here, still at the doorway, three hours later. Fuck, he was about to confess.

Bad timing. Again.

Right person, wrong time.

No. He’ll make it right. Just, not now.

“I was...going to thank you for the bagels; Asiago. Nice choice.” Is what he says instead of reciting the words that had been running through his head in rehearsal since the drive to your apartment. He ignores the way your shoulders sag, perhaps in relief—he doesn’t want to know. He ignores the burning in his chest when you nod, the corners of your mouth tugging into a faint smile as you raise a palm in a somewhat solemn wave of farewell. He ignores the sting in his eyes when the door closes on him, symbolizing finality when he really doesn’t want it to end. Left alone in the dismal light of the hallway; it acts as a poignant reminder of his bereavement and how much of his consolation depends on your presence.

When the drinking's done, does it make it any easier for him to open himself up to you?

Bruce allows himself to cry once he pulls the car door to a close because he feels overwhelmed by the conflicting thoughts that continue to reside in his mind. The regrets, the what-ifs, and the should-haves. He forgets himself sometimes because he gets so lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t recognize himself anymore.

You keep him grounded. You remind him who Bruce Wayne truly is.

He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the rearview mirror.

You’re right. He does need a shave.

TAGLIST:

@raineeace

[a-edgar-allan-hoe]

The Red Witch

Jasper Hale x Reader part 2

A/N: So here is the 2nd part everyone! I hope you like it!

Summary: Imagine being an immortal witch from the Middle Ages and being the previous love of Jasper before he was turned. You two were separated under certain circumstances and cross each other’s path once again, years later in the present era.

Warning: language. Blood

Part 1 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5

“(Y/N)? Are you ok?” You hear your friend Melanie ask you, her voice laced with concern as she places a comforting hand on your shoulder, bringing you out of your thoughts.

Your head was beginning to throb violently and the scent of everyone’s blood was beginning to reach you. You could sense their pulse, the flow of their blood through their veins, and a part of you, deep down inside, hungered for it. Not in the way vampires felt, but in a way that you wanted to rip their souls out of their bodies and bathe in their blood while you only gained more power. And it sickened you. It sickened you to the very core.

“I think I need some fresh air.” You turn to face her, only to hear her gasp when she stares at your eyes.

“What? What is it?” You ask her.

She pulls you to the back of the shop, making sure no one noticed before speaking to you in a hushed tone. “(Y/N), hun, I don’t want to freak you out but, your eyes are red.”

“They’re what?!” You stare back at her in confusion before pulling out your phone to see for yourself only to let out a gasp as well.

Both your eyes were blackened in this deep blood red that covered not only your irises but your sclera as well, resembling something of a demon from the pits of hell. You shut your eyes in response, not even wanting to look at yourself, the mere sight of your eyes horrified you.

“Shit shit shit. This isn’t supposed to happen. I haven’t had this happen to me in a long time, not since I was little.” You hiss, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Does that mean?”

“Yes. I let my stupid emotions control me. And now look.” You run a hand through your hair as you open your eyes back up, staring at the floor. “I need to go. I need to go before this gets worse and I hurt someone.

“Don’t worry hun. You go and sort it out. I’ll close the shop early. And please, remember to breathe.”

You nod in agreement before taking out a pair of your sunglasses from your purse and throwing them on to cover your eyes. You slip on your black leather jacket, grabbing your belongings and rush out the shop. With a quickened pace, you walk over to your 1967 dark blue Shelby Mustang with white racing stripes and hop in. You strapped on your seatbelt and put your keys in the ignition to start the car, gripping the wheel as you closed your eyes, listening to and feeling the rumble of the engine. It was one of those things that calmed you down, you always loved the sound of muscle cars.

Taking a deep breath you rev up your engine and drive off, the sound of your car echoing through the streets as you race out of town and towards the woods so that you can be away from from everyone. You had your windows down and your radio up, enjoying the feeling of the wind against your face as the scenery around you blurred past.

You pulled up to a small clearing not too far from the road and got out of your car. Looking at the trees around you, you throw your head back and take a deep breath, taking in the smell of the forest. The throbbing in your head was still there but it was starting to fade. You slip off your gloves and sit down near your car. Glancing down at your hands you noticed that they were turning pitch black with tendrils that seemed to wrap it’s way up your arm, like a poison that runs through your veins only to reach your heart to provide an inevitable ending. Your powers felt like a poison coursing through your veins, and the thought of it ever reaching your heart made your blood run cold. You also noticed that your fingernails have grown to a sharp point, like the claws of an animal.

Shit. Shit shit shit. You needed to stop this.

You unlace your black dr martens and kick them off, digging your toes into the grass and feeling the earth beneath you as you closed your eyes, taking deep breaths as you tried to become one with your surroundings. Earth, fire, water, air, spirit.

You hadn’t used your powers in a long time and were out of practice. And yet, you felt like you needed to. You feared that if you didn’t learn to control it, you would eventually succumb to it and then your powers would eventually control you. And that was the last thing you wanted. With a deep breath you open your eyes back up and stare at your hands. Using your sharp nail, you slice into your arm and watch as the blood slips out of your wound before swirling around your fingers. You try to focus on a certain object and watch as the red substance slowly flows together, forming a red dagger in your hand.

So you weren’t completely out of practice. You let out a sigh of some form of relief, watching the blade melt back into blood, slipping back inside your wound before healing itself. Then slowly, your hands and fingernails returned to normal.

Thank goodness.

After a short period of sitting on the grass and listening to the peaceful sound of the wind and the birds, you pull your phone out of your back pocket to look at the time.

Shit.

Your little sister Harper was going to be off of school in a couple of minutes and you didn’t want to be late. You throw your docs back on and get back in your car before starting your engine and racing off out of the forest and towards Forks high school. You had your radio turned up and currently Led Zeppelin was playing as you pulled up to the high school.

You left the radio on and got out, leaning against the hood of your car with your arms crossed over your chest. You stood there, searching for your sister and finally see her appear out the front entrance.

She had her backpack slung across one arm, her 80s style windbreaker blowing against the wind. She was wearing her old white sweatshirt she found at the thrift store that had Scooby Doo on it, tucked into her high waisted jeans that were rolled up to show off her funky new socks that she just bought because they had dinosaurs all over it. The laces of her white converse were hastily tied as she makes her way over to you with her head lowered.

The way she dressed always made you smile, she always looked like she stepped out of an 80s sitcom, and it perfectly resembled her dorky and full of life personality. Standing next to each other, no one would have ever thought you two were related, with your dark choice of clothes and her bright and colorful ones.

“Hey scooter.” You smile at her once she approaches you.

“Hey” she mumbles out quietly, pushing her glasses up as she gets to the passenger side, making you raise your brow.

Huh. What’s wrong with her?

You turn around to get back into your car before a familiar face stops you in your tracks, making your clench your fist as your breath hitches in your throat.

“Oh you have got to be shitting me.” You hiss, looking away once Jasper catches your stare.

Great, so Jasper and the other vampires happen to go to the same high school your sister goes to. Just great.

You catch Harper giving you a wtf look before turning around to follow your eyes to see for herself what you were getting so upset over.

“(Y/n)?”

“It’s nothing Harper, get in the car.” You shake it off as you both get in.

You sensed Harper watching you carefully as you start your car back up and pull back out of the parking lot. You gave Jasper one last glance, feeling him staring into your soul as you drove off.

How could someone you’ve sworn to forget, someone who didn’t even remember you, still have such an effect over you?

“So how was school?” You ask her as you make your way back to your home, which was located away from town. You could still feel her staring at you.

“It was okay. Nothing special.” She shrugs, looking at the road in front of her before turning back to you. “So what’s up with you? How come you’re acting so moody?”

“So what, you’re my therapist now?”

“Well you were totally chill until you saw that weird pale, Lestat looking dude.”

Did she just call him Lestat?? Wheeze!

There was a pause before her eyes widened a little. “Wait, is he? Is he the same guy that’s in your necklace?”

You clench your wheel as your back straightens up, using your free hand to grasp the intricate gold locket you wore around your neck. The one Jasper gave you many many years ago that he had custom made to have a dragonfly on it. The one you put a small picture of him in to remember him by.

“Did you go through my things?” You raise your brow at her.

“.......maybe.”

“Harper.”

“Hey! I was bored okay. It’s not like I did it recently. And you have so much old shit anyways.”

“Hey, language.” You shake your head with a roll of your eyes. “And it’s not just any old shit okay. It’s stuff that means a lot to me.”

“Looks like a bunch of ancient junk to me.”

“Oh so you’re calling me ancient now.”

“Well technically....”

“Harper.”

“Ok! Sorry!” Harper laughs before getting serious again. “But seriously though, who was he? You’ve like never told me about him.”

You let out a sigh, feeling a lump in your throat that felt like it refused to go away. “That’s because it hurts to talk about him. Jasper and I, he used to court me back in 1862. Harper.....we were supposed to get married.”

A/N: Part 3 coming soon! I didn’t want this chapter to be too long so I had to split it. Thanks for all the support you beautiful people! 😁

Tags: @twilight-kpop @cricketlicket @bella-stenbakken @ineffabledears @elisemurphy06 @ashdab2611 @pancake-pages @toomanybandstocare @cammellia

[im-the-punk-who]

What in the good grief is Julie and the Phantoms about? Are there ghosts?? I think there are?? Help

I hope this helped you to understand the most Wholesome Content Ever Produced that is Julie and the Himbos Phantoms

(Image Description below the cut)

[Start Image Descriptions]

A ten image slideshow describing different characters and elements of the show ‘Julie and the Phantoms’

1) Title slide with text that reads ‘Julie and the Phantoms! What the fuck is it about! Singing? Ghosts?? Himbos??? Singing Ghost Himbos????‘ Surrounding the text are images of the main characters singing together.

2) Slide titled ‘Okay so to start off: This is Julie Molina’ There are four images of Julie, a puerto rican teenager with long curly hair. She is shown singing in a variety of colorful outfits. The text on the slide is a list which reads:

She’s the best

Also the prettiest

Fashion Sense out of this world

Controls the braincell 100% of the time

A kickass  singer

Look at her she’s great you love her yes you do

Not a ghost she’s a high school student

She’s doesn’t want to do high school, she just wants to sing. And she’s valid because she is very good at singing. If only she had a band of emotional support himbos to sing with. Oh, woe.

3) Slide titled ‘Wait!! This is Flynn, aka emergency brain cell holder‘ There are three images of Julie’s best friend Flynn, a black teenager with very long hair in tight box braids. In the images she is shown DJing, talking to Julie and listening to a song Julie wrote for her. The text on the slide reads:

She’s Julie’s best friend

Very good at her job

Also a DJ

Also very good at this

Just generally a 10 unafraid to call other 10s out when they’re dumb

Deserves to be canonized for putting up with just literally so much

She is mostly important because her friendship with Julie is one of the emotional rocks of the show and I think that’s just really important

4) Slide titled ‘This is Alex, Luke, and Reggie‘ There are three images of Alex, Luke, and Reggie in a variety of silly poses or making silly faces. Alex is a white teenager with medium blond hair and blue eyes whose fashion sense consists mostly of a torn jean jacket and pink hoodie with jeans. Reggie is a white teen with slicked back dark hair and eyes dressed in a typical punk outfit, black leather jacket and jeans, and red and black plaid shirt. Luke is a white teenager with mid length brown hair and eyes dressed in sleeveless shirts and jeans. The text on the slide reads:

Oh look, a band made entirely of emotional support himbos

Not a single brain cell between them

Director saw the 2016 Ghostbusters and went ‘Chris Hemsworth’s character but three of them’

They died because they ate bad hot dogs on the night they     were supposed to play a gig that was going to change their lives and then came back as ghosts bc they have unfinished business

They’re so dumb oh my god they’re so dumb

The capacity for love between these three and Julie is literally the most wholesome thing in contemporary media no I will not be taking criticism on this

5) Slide titled ‘Alex gets his own slide because I love him‘. On the slide are images of Alex signing and playing the drums, dancing, and having a serious conversation with his love interest Willie, who is a teenager with mid-tone brown skin and long black hair tied up in a bun. Alex is dressed in his customary jean jacket and pink hoodie. Text on the slide reads:

One thought and it is ‘Gay’

Alex cried for twenty five years while the band was in limbo 

Correction two thoughts ‘Gay’ and ‘Anxious’

Purest ray of sunshine

I would steal his jean jacket but then he would be sad and that is illegal

Loves his skater boyfriend a lot

‘Willie and I? - Well I wouldn’t call it magic but I mean...’

He’s so dumb I love him a normal amount

6) Slide titled ‘Reggie also gets his own slide because I love him too‘ On the slide are images of Reggie singing and playing the electric guitar, smiling, and dancing. He is wearing a variation of his black leather jacket with red and black plaid and black jeans. Text on the slide reads:

Zero thoughts not a single one

Put all his stat points into pop-punk fashion

Is doing a great job

You know that one friend who everyone wonders how they make it out of their house in the morning without detailed instructions

My most precious son

Brain probably just a Paramore song on repeat

7) Slide titled ‘Luke gets his own slide otherwise Laynie will block me‘ On the slide are images of Luke singing and playing the electric guitar, smiling, and looking confused. He is wearing a variety of sleeveless jacket and t shirt combinations with rock band logos on the tshirts. Text on the slide reads:

The gender envy of lesbians everywhere

Thinks Julie Molina is the best person in the world (and he’s right)

Wrote a sad song once it was very sad many feelings eyes full of tears we all cried

Guns are out whether or not the sun is out

Pure of heart dumb of everywhere

Looks like he would be the token straight except there are none of those in this show

8) Slide titled ‘Willie‘ with five hearts in rainbow colors after his name. Images on the slide are of Willie with a skateboard and helmet, in a stylized tux looking fondly at Alex, and two additional images looking off camera. Text on the slide reads:

Alex’s ghost boyfriend

Chaotic child let loose on the streets of LA

A perfect angel, his idea of a good time is harassing cops

Just generally a sweetheart whom I love with my whole being

Holding out for a himbo

Helps his himbo boyfriend through his panic attacks

Sometimes screaming in a museum is something that can be so personal

Only nice things happen to Willie

Gentle reminder I would die and/or kill for Willie

9) Slide titled: ‘But wait is there a plot what’s going on’ There are two images, one of Reggie, Luke, and Alex eating hot dogs on a ratty couch and one of them standing behind Julie as she plays the piano backlit by the sunset in a sunroom filled with plants. Text on the slide reads:

25 years ago a band named Sunset Curve was set to become the next big thing. Just before their breakout show, three of the members die from a bad pre-show meal and spend the next 25 years trying to figure out how to leave a bad Yelp review from limbo. 

Himbos in limbo, if you will.

Enter Julie, who lives in the house the band used to rehearse in. Julie is struggling to find her passion for music again after her mother’s death, until one night she summons our three favorite emotional support himbos by listening to an old CD of theirs. 

Shenanigans ensue and everyone is dumb. Luke Alex and Reggie are trying to figure out what their unfinished business is as Julie navigates healing, friendships with ghosts, and trying to be a star. 

 10) Slide titled ‘Why you should watch JATP‘ There are two images on the slide, on of Luke singing and one of Julie and Flynn smiling snarkily. Text on the slide reads:

Seriously did you pay attention to slides 1-8 look at everyone

It’s directed by Kenny Ortega who directed Newsies and like other things(he did High School Musical and Descendants but like the most important thing is he directed Newsies)

Also the music fucking slaps like it’s actually really good

Even though it’s technically a kids show there’s like?? Some really touching pltolines but also it’s so dumb the guys die from eating hot dogs for fuck’s sake

Literally the most wholesome thing that has ever been made

Basically it’s a stupid fun show that is mostly lighthearted but also has some *kickass* catharsis and really intricately thought out characters that skirt the line between being so dumb I literally shrieked but also real enough that their problems seemed real.

[End Image Descriptions]

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms Far Side #3: Kohaku

Today on Fate and Phantasms we have another bonus episode for you! We’re building Kohaku, the ever-energetic maid who comes packing with probably helpful medicine and the occasional robot. As usual for far sides, everything below this point come directly from Magical-Biche on Reddit!

Check out Kohaku’s build breakdown below, or her character sheet over here!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, it’s me, the guy who builds Tsukihime builds! Since the remake got announced uhh… already a month ago, I figured it’d be perfect time to free some time in my heavy schedule for a Tsukihime waifu once in a while. For the return of this highly anticipated series, we’ll take a look at a character which has plenty of tricks up her sleeves: Kohaku. A fan favorite for several reasons, she was quite easy to build due to how weirdly some of her core mechanics are already featured in Dungeons & Dragons. I’m mostly using her Melty Blood skill set for the build, but as soon as I can introduce skills we know from the Visual Novels. Needless to say, the whole build is a huge spoiler for what Kohaku does throughout the games, and you may not want to read it if you didn’t finish Tsukihime and Kagetsu Tohya.

Race and Background

Kohaku is a variant human. She technically has a bit of psychic powers, but they are passive and absolutely nothing any race can give comes close to it, so we’re going human here. The variant allows us to get + 1 in constitution and +1 in intelligence, and the chef feat, giving us another +1 in constitution, and the ability to cook delicious meals with or without suspicious substances, which adds a layer of healing and temporary hit points on our already impressive healing abilities. It gives us our first of many tool proficiencies, the cooking utensils. We also get a proficiency in insight, which helps us determine whether people are worth teasing/throwing into a bottomless trap. 

Next, we are going to be an Izzet engineer. Those folk, who come directly from Ravnica, fit our mad scientist personality perfectly. Being an Izzet engineer gives us access to the Urban Infrastructure ability, which helps building more complex traps (and find them, if we ever feel like being nice to our group), and proficiencies in Arcana and Investigation, two extremely useful intelligence skills. We also get our second tool proficiency. We’re taking carpenter’s tools, to create the most intricate traps there are. Bottomless pits won’t build themselves from the ground up. We also get one set of artisan’s tools of our choice, so we’ll take Alchemist supplies, since they’re the costliest of the bunch and extremely useful. Don’t worry, we’re getting the proficiency in a little bit. Finally, we get the pretty unique feature of having access to more spells: Izzet guild spells. The notable ones (the ones we don’t normally get from our class) are Chaos bolt, Create or destroy water, Unseen servant (level 1 spells), and Call lightning, and Otiluke’s resilient sphere (third level spells). Since it is a Ravnica background, the DM might ban the expanded spell list, but none of these spells are necessary to our build, anyway. 

Ability Scores

We are a genius, and a bit of a melee combatant. We’re pumping everything in intelligence. Next, we need high constitution and dexterity, which will also serve to multiclass into rogue. We are pretty average when it comes to wisdom and charisma (I do admit we are pretty cute, though). We’re dumping strength, even though it means we won’t be able to fight well with our broom, but it’s a necessary sacrifice. Our hidden katana (read: dagger) will work just as well. 

Class Levels

Artificer 1: We are a crafty inventor. Being an artificer only makes sense to us. The first level of artificer gives us proficiency with constitution saving throws, great to keep our concentration on spells and avoiding nasty poison effect, and intelligence saving throws: we’re the one who make fools of others, and not the other way around! We can also choose two new proficiencies, and we’re taking medicine, since we’re actually a pretty skilled doctor, and sleight of hand, as we will need to tinker complex traps and unlock a few locks from time to time. 

We also get proficiencies with light and medium armors, but we’re only ever going to use light armor. Kohaku doesn’t really wear armor, but she could be wearing several thick layers of kimono, which can probably stop a blade in a pinch. We’re also proficient with shields, and Kohaku definitely never wears a shield throughout the Tsukihime timeline, so we won’t be using them.  We’re also proficient with simple weapons, and those are the only weapons we’re having access to, so we have to do with them. We’ll be mainly using the dagger as our “secret blade”, and our quarterstaff as a substitute for our broom. Finally, we’re proficient with thieves’ tools, useful for disarming traps that may or may not have been installed by us, tinker’s tools, our bread-and-butter for repairing all sort of stuff, from traps to weapons, and alchemist supplies, to further our healing capabilities, and it blends well with our medicine proficiency. 

We finally get to our core features. First level of artificer gives us Magical tinkering, which lets us do pretty nice things. We can basically sleep on prestidigitation, light, message, and minor illusion thanks to this feature. It doesn’t do as much as each of these individual spells, but it does it differently, and it’s still great to have so much utility here. We also get our Spellcasting. We’re a half caster with druid/cleric like spell preparation. We can prepare a number of spells equal to our intelligence modifier + half our artificer level (rounded down), and we can choose those spells from our spell list each time we finish a long rest. Our spellcasting ability is of course intelligence, and we use our alchemist’s supplies as a spellcasting focus, because of our subclass we don’t have yet. 

We start with two artificer cantrips, and we’re taking Booming blade, to emulate bombs, and controlling people movement fits our character well: people will think twice before moving in our direction. Next, we take Acid splash, a pretty weak damaging cantrip, but it’s another kind of bomb we can add to our arsenal. It can also touch two targets at once, which mitigate the low damage of the spell. It is also a saving throw, so it will always be useful anyway. 

Since we have access to every artificer spell, plus the potential Izzet spells, there won’t be a definitive spell list here. It is recommended to get Tasha’s caustic brew, Snare, Cure wounds, Grease and Alarm, as they fit our game plan very well. 

Artificer 2: Our next artificer level is more complex than it seems. We get our infusions, 4 of them. We’re taking the Replicate magic item, to have ourselves a bag of holding to hold all our stuff, the Enhanced defense, that we’re infusing to our armor to help with defense, the Homunculus servant, so we can have our very own Not-exactly-a-mech-Hisui once we get enough money, and Mind sharpener, which will help maintaining concentration on though fight. So far, we can only use 2 of these infusions at the time, so we’ll focus on the replicate magic item and enhanced defense for now. 

Artificer 3: We get our speciality! We are now an Alchemist. We gain proficiency with Glassblower’s tools, as we already have a proficiency with the alchemist supplies, and those tools can be used to create vials to hold our various mixtures. We get an expanded spell list, again, which gives us interesting spells like Melf’s acid arrow, Healing word, Ray of sickness, Gaseous form and Mass healing word. Flaming sphere is not bad, but it doesn’t really fit our concept as a whole. We also get our Experimental elixir, which is one random potion every long rest. All the effects are helpful, even though some are more than others. We also get the Right tool for the job, which lets us create artisan tools, which is neat. 

Rogue 1: Of course, we’re going rogue. We’re a sneaky trickster, after all, and we’re pretty skilled at it. Our first rogue level gives us the famous Thieves cant, which we will quickly forget. More interesting, we get a skill proficiency, and we’re taking Deception. It’s less useful than persuasion, but we need to lie more than we need to persuade. We also get Expertise in 2 skills of our choice, which will be Deception and Medicine, two of our most important skills. With expertise in medicine, we mitigate our low wisdom, and we’re able to pretty much always stabilize our fallen allies, especially when we get past level 5. What’s more, we get the rogue’s main feature, the Sneak attack! Sneak attack can be used with booming blade for pretty huge damage, in the right conditions, and it’s getting even better starting next level. 

Rogue 2: Speaking of next level, here it is. The second rogue level gives us cunning action, and we now always have some use for our bonus action. We can hit with booming blade + Sneak attack, then retreat. We can add some movement to our turn, and we can try to hide in the shadows, not that we’re particularly good at it. 

Rogue 3: We get our second archetype. We’re now both an alchemist and a Mastermind, which gives us yet another round of proficiencies: Disguise kit, Forgery kit and a Gaming set. Those three are not the most useful tools we have access to, but they can always be used creatively. We can also Mimic speech, but that’s not exactly a meta redefining feature. More importantly, we are also a Master of tactics, giving us yet another use for our bonus action in the form of Help. We can help our ranged allies to hit close-ish targets with that feature, too. 

Artificer 4: Our first ability score increase comes at level 7, and luckily, we’re not too dependent on feats. We’re simply increasing our intelligence by 2 and call it a day. 

Artificer 5: This level is very interesting, because we get a neat little feature that tremendously increases our distance damage. We are now an Alchemical savant, and provided that we use our alchemist supplies as a spellcasting focus, we can add our intelligence modifier to the damage rolls of any fire, necrotic, poison and acid damage, and to every one of our healing rolls. Sadly, this doesn’t buff our melee damage, but we can’t have everything. Also, the ability is weirdly worded: as it is written in the book, it looks like you must use your spellcasting focus to cast the spell for the damage and healing to be buffed. However, if it does work like that, we'd have a total of 5 spells of level 0-3 that are affected by the feature, so I’d say it works with every one of your spells that is cast with intelligence. 

We also get our new level 2 spells. The ones that are interesting for our build are Enlarge/reduce, Heat metal, protection from poison, pyrotechnics, rope trick, Spider climb and Web. The first is based on one of our actual feats of enlarging our mistress, one time. Heat metal is an overall tricky and useful spell to have. Protection from poison is useful to protect our allies from friendly fire, and the last 4 spells are all great traps and terrain manipulation, which is what we want to do. 

Artificer 6: This level is more straightforward, as it only really adds the Tool expertise feature, which allows us to double our proficiency bonus on all tools we’re proficient with. That is, a LOT of tools. We also get new infusions, and we’re getting the Spell refueling ring, a great tool to mitigate our too few spell slots per day, and Resistant armor, which is situational but very useful. We can also have 3 infusions active at the time, which is the maximum number of attunement we can have anyway. We can also now create two experimental elixirs per long rest, hurray!

Artificer 7: The seventh artificer level gives us Flashes of genius, which is a great tool to help the party. It can also be used to mitigate our own AOE damage on them, proving the party that we’re not here to kill them, we swear!

Artificer 8: Artificer 8 gets us a simple ability score increase, which we gladly take to increase our already high intelligence to new levels. We increase it by 2 points, to reach a total of 20. 

Artificer 9: Our final level in artificer grants us a final subclass feature, the Restorative reagents. It makes it that our experimental elixir gives 2d6 + 5 temporary hit points to whoever drinks it. Also, we can now cast lesser restoration 5 times per long rest without having the spell prepared, which is a great way to remove harmful status ailments from allies for pretty much free. 

We also gain our level 3 spells. The interesting spells from the list are Haste, which emulates the drugs you use on your poor party members,  Catnap, to represent the sleeping medicine you give them,  Protection from energy, for the same reason as protection from poison a bit earlier, and finally, the trappiest spell of them all, the one that really let us do crazy shenanigans,  Glyph of warding. This amazing spell is a literal modular trap which does pretty nice damage, doesn’t require concentration and it’s just so flexible. This is the only obligatory spell on the list. 

Rogue 4: The fourth rogue level gives us our third ability score increase, and we’re getting a bit tankier and stabbier now. We increase our dexterity score by 2, this time, putting us at a nice 16. 

Rogue 5: Fifth level rogues get uncanny dodge, a very powerful tool for survival. Nothing much to say, it’s great! (Editor’s note: might as well just say it anyway- use your reaction to take half damage from an attack- very useful!)

Rogue 6: We get 2 brand new expertises, which will be in Arcana, for being even better at understanding the mechanics behind the spells we use, and Sleight of hand, so we’re also a lot better at setting non-magical traps and disarming them. 

Rogue 7: Now that we can mitigate damage with uncanny dodge, it’s time to get better at saving throws and get Evasion. Another extremely good ability we’ll never use too much. (EN: dex saves cause half damage on failure, 0 damage on success!)

Rogue 8: Our next ability score, and we’re getting yet another 2 points in dexterity, so we now have a more than decent armor class and solid melee attacks. 

Rogue 9: Rogue’s ninth level gives us our second subclass ability, and we are now an Insightful manipulator. We can now assess our current target’s strength, but at this point, we’ve probably fought most of the bestiary and know everything there is to know about most threats. It can still be used against bosses, but it’s not exactly great since we’re not that good at sneaking. 

Rogue 10: Our tenth level in the rogue class gives us yet another ability score increase. We are actually a pretty crafty person, and poison is just another tool in our arsenal. We get the Poisoner feat, which lets us ignore resistance to poison damage and craft poison for our weapons. At that point, we should be filthy rich and can certainly afford the cost to do so and poison basically every single one of our strikes. With Booming Blade, sneak attack and the poison damage, our damage output is actually pretty crazy. 

Rogue 11: Our final level gives us a very, very nice little boost: thanks to Reliable Talent, we basically can’t score under 16 + ability modifier, or 22 + ability modifier with expertise, for skills and tools we are proficient with. We now have a passive Arcana of 27, Sleight of hand of 26 (whatever a passive sleight of hand score means), Deception and Medicine of 22, a passive investigation and insight of 21 and passive abilities with our numerous tools that are just as high (since you can use most tools with most abilities, the scores won’t be listed here, obviously). We can now pretty much recognize spells on sight, pickpocket on the go, lie as we breathe and treat injuries in a few moments, among other things. 

Pros: We’re a tool monkey, and we use all of them like a pro when we reach level 20. We can craft a bunch of crazy stuff with all that. We’re also quite bulky, with decent hit dice and the rogue survivability, plus our artificer infusions. We are also good at dealing big bursts of damage thanks to booming blade, sneak attack and poisoner. What’s more, we’re quite good at healing and dispensing temporary hit points. 

Cons: If we can’t trigger our sneak attack, our booming blade damage is not exactly huge. We don’t have many spells slots, and we quite like to use them. Also, we’re good at dealing damage, healing and controlling the battlefield, but we’re obviously not great at any of these things. 

[thevoidcannotbefilled]

Web!Martin.... Oh boy. Gonna shake the hornet’s nest with this one, but I’ve spent like three days on this editing and re-editing, and I’m finally satisfied with my kind of an essay at this point. 

So, here’s a deep dive as to why I think Web!Martin has merits. (Scroll to the bottom of my essay for my TLDR). 

Introduction

First, to get some stuff out of the way:

Do I think Martin is a sleeper agent? Do I think that he has been manipulating Jon this entire time or even in just season 5 for the games of the Web? Do I think he's a bunch of spiders in a Martin suit? Do I think he's regards the Mother as his Mother and accepts that he is her Son? Is Martn actively Webby? 

No. Absolutely not. None of the above. The Martin we know is the Martin we began with, just with a bunch of trauma and has gained the ability to set his boundaries.

I find the idea of sleeper agent Martin or something similar to be very counterintuitive to the overall narrative. Not only is TMA about choices, and to have Martin be a sleeper agent would be to deny all of Martin's choices this season in particular, but it doesn't really lead to much. At best it's a gotcha and a surprise at worst it's making literally every interaction between Jon and Martin, with Martin himself, and so on mean nothing for the sake of one twist and make it sad. It's not fun in long term, and so at the end of the day, I trust Jonny and Alex as writers more than that. (Plus we already did the "person is replaced" thing).

Does Martin being a manipulator actively mean that he is a Web avatar?

Short answer, no. 

Long answer, I made a post awhile back, and while it was for fandom things, I think it applies well here. What power you choose to align yourself with isn’t necessarily something you’d fully commit to. It is just, if you were an avatar and willing to hurt others for your own gain, what would you find yourself most aligned with.  What I mean by that, just because Martin lies and manipulates doesn’t mean that he is Web, however, manipulation is a tool does fit well with the Web, and if he were to choose to align himself to that, I think he could be Webby. However, he is not necessarily a Web avatar because he has no motivation to hurt people. 

That being said I do think Martin would be a good fit for the Web if he wanted to be, and I think there will be a point in the narrative that there is a potential that he could become one, even if he does not necessarily choose to be in the end. 

Let’s talk about it.

Evidence

I think the best way to describe Web!Martin on my end is this: if Martin had an inclination to be an avatar, he would be the Web because everything from his aesthetics to his skillsets line up with the Web, but he does not have any reason to be Webby and in fact, at the very least as of MAG169, should actively be against the Web’s goals. 

But that doesn’t mean his connection to the Web hasn’t been heavily foreshadowed or built up. Not all of these are of the same level, I admit that, so I’m just gonna bold the ones that are the most important.  These aren’t in any particular order. 

-For season 1 subtext, said he liked spiders In This First Appearance MAG22, in MAG38 Jon says that Martin gives them lectures on the importance of spiders for the environment, and MAG39, “it’s just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too.” 

-IN MAG79, his poem has a line in it that goes, “"the threads of people walking, living, loving" which is very Web-like. 

-During the Web statement he read in season 3, he said “that wasn’t so bad, actually!” (MAG110) when he finished after showing open disdain for the others he read. The only other statement he didn’t think was bad to read was the Lonely one (MAG108), a power he canonical has ties to. 

-The only person in the show so far of the main cast that has had direct contact with Annabelle Cane. The only other people that have had contact with her are her victims (Creature Feature, MAG110) or her people she used as tools (Web Development, MAG123). 

-Let himself be guided to put the tapes on top of the coffin when the tapes, which have shown a direct association with both the Web and the Eye. 

- Martin’s “lo-fi charm” and “retro-aesthetic” (various) versus Annabelle “She dressed like a vintage clothing store exploded on her” (MAG69)

-Uses lying and manipulation as his main tactic against people and is acknowledged that manipulation is a skillset of his. By Jonah mostly, but he was able to successfully manipulate both Peter and Jonah. 

-In MAG117, he said "I’m not afraid for me, though. Isn’t that weird? I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be safe, like my plan’s not dangerous, but it’s, it’s mine. This last couple of years, I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap, but, but now it’s my trap, and, well, I think it’ll work. I know, I know it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good weaving my own little web." and he then added after it with "oh good lord is Martin becoming some sort of spider person', no, Jon, just an expression.” 

-Martin having a bad relationship with his mother versus Mother of Puppets.

-The Web and the Desolation actively dislike one another (MAG139), and fire is Martin’s most hated pain (MAG169). 

-Martin is the primary investigator in Recluse (MAG59), Arachnophobia (MAG16), and was the one to find and give the Cracked Foundation (MAG114) to Jon. All of which are Web statements. 

-The delivery of the table and the lighter were technically both given to Martin since he was the one who talked to Breekon and Hope. 

-Martin was the first one to mention the Web lighter in season 5 in MAG162. 

What Does This Mean

Now I will admit none of these things on their own mean Web!Martin. They’re something you might describe a Web!avatar yes, but not Martin on his own (like I said just because Martin can be a manipulator doesn’t mean he is a Web avatar).

In fact, with elements like Martin finding fire his least favorite pain, I adore the meta on Martin’s trauma about giving himself up for other people led to him disliking fire and the lack of care from his mother, also leading to that. It is an excellent metaphor that fits incredibly well with his character. That being said, these factors can coexist. Martin disliking fire can both be a metaphor for his own self-destruction for the sake of others and be hints toward Web!Martin. 

HOWEVER, that all being said, even if these moments on their own don’t mean Web!Martin proof, I find it a bit unreasonable to entirely dismiss all of this either. There are too many coincidences lining up with the Web to not be intentional. It could be a red herring of course, but if it is a red herring.....well, Jonny put a hella of a lot of effort into making the Web!Martin red herring considering how much of his little details align so well with the small and big details of the Web. 

But assuming that this info does align together in all its Webiness... does this mean Web!Martin? 

Again, at the moment, I don’t think Martin is actively Webby. 

At his heart, Martin wants to do two things: 1) Protect Jon and 2) Protect as many other innocents he can in the process. 

As ironic as it is: "I want to find out what's going on. I want to save Jon. I want everyone to be fine and, you know what? If we were all happy that wouldn't actually be the end of the world” and “I want them to be safe. I need him to be okay” are basically the sum of Martin’s motivations from here to now. Martin wants a happy ending. And he’ll use whatever tools he can to do that. 

So asking questions from dangerous people like Simon Fairchild? For the protection of the world from what he thought was from the Extinction.

Burning up statements and burning up the cabin? The Desolation would like that, if it wasn’t for the fact he does so to decrease the fear in the world. 

And manipulating others? Peter? Jonah? Both of these weren’t to cause fear. They were at their heart to help others. 

Using the tools that the powers use does not mean you’re of that power. Martin’s most effective tool is to manipulate others bc they underestimate him or they trust him to do what needs to be done. People tend to have a single view of him. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other tactics, but with both Peter and Elias, it’s clear he knows how to use others’ egos against them. 

Season 5 and Web!Martin

This ALL being said...... Season 5 is a lot about the nature of power (what to do with it and what it means to use it) and what you can do in inherently toxic systems. We just learned that killing its leaders does nothing when the system itself is built to actively hurt others. That smiting doesn’t actively make things better. The Web is actively doing something at the moment and possibly with the Distortion as well that will probably hurt Jon and Martin. 

But..... 

I’m worried about the possibility that the Web can promise a world with a happy ending like Martin always wanted and with no other options within the world, Martin chooses to let himself become a tool for the Web. Now to make this clear: Does Web!Martin give a happy ending or even a better world? No. Absolutely not. Can the Web possibly promise to give him the power to get a happy ending? Depends on if Martin will believe it.

If Web!Martin is a thing, it would be in doing so What He Thinks would be in both of their best interests and most importantly as his lowest point and final resort. That he stops believing that they have power to change the world on their own. When he believes he has no power left and all he can do to make the world better is to go to the one source that always seems to understand what’s going on. Because as of yet, he doesn’t have the motivations to be a Web avatar, but we’re slowly creeping into territory where he might think it is necessary to be one. 

(We already had best case scenario where the Web asks Martin to join him and Martin says no. He could say no again, of course, but I don’t know if the Web will be as understanding of his reluctance in time). 

For me, Web!Martin is on the same level of tragedy as Jon being the Archivist. Yes, there would be choices, but Martin would have been actively been manipulated by the Web just as much as Jon would be hurt by the Eye, even if it’s for entirely different reasons. He would be used as a tool in a greater game. Jon wants to be a good person. Martin wants to have a happy ending. We already know Jon’s desire to help the people around him has gotten him multiple marks. I can definitely see a world where Martin’s desire for a happy ending is used against him by the Web. 

I can see a world where Martin lies to Jon because he thinks that’s what’s best for the two of them. I can see a world where he doesn’t lie to Jon but still accepts the power of the Web anyway despite Jon not thinking it’s a good idea. I don’t think either HAVE happened yet. We aren’t at that point, but... 

Whatever the case, whatever plan the Web may have it highly involves one Mister Blackwood and his Archivist. And for the Web’s plans, Martin plays a key part of in it. 

Other Theories and How Web Martin Plays Into It

So, do I think that’s where the plot will end? With Web!Martin betraying Jon bc he thinks it will be best? Not really. I think a lot of the point will also be that while Martin fits the Web well, his inherent desire for a better world makes it so he’s not an avatar. It’s the same points I made before: aesthetically, Martin fits the Web well and could be a good avatar in association, but he doesn’t WANT to hurt innocents. And ultimately, no matter his potential goals, Martin loves and cares for the world and especially for Jon. There could be a mistake in there made by Martin, where the Web has his clutches in him, but I don’t see a world where that is his ultimate conclusion. 

I’ve also seen a theory where Martin uses Webby shenanigans to his advantage against Annabelle Cane. Where the manipulator becomes the manipulated and the tragedy is the sacrifice of himself for the sake of a happy ending he’ll never see. 

I’m interested in seeing if Jonah making Martin the backup Archivist goes anywhere, especially with the uncertain connection between the tapes, the Eye, the Web, and the Archivist. Does this have anything to do with why Martin felt like he had to listen to Jon? Does this have anything to do with how he slapped Jon out of a statement? Could both of these elements also have something to do with the Web? 

I’m also very intrigued on what Web Development was doing when they have something called a “story-spinner” and yet when the story-spinner was described it sounded almost exactly like an Archivist, but instead when you give a story, the spinner killed someone. Could the story-spinner have anything to do with the previous back-up Archivist? Could they just be entirely separate things? 

Who knows what it all means? I don’t. That’s why I’m not discounting anything, especially with something that has so much set-up and subtext as Web!Martin. Whether Web!Martin means full avatar or not isn’t clear to me, but I’m taking any and all potential red-tape moments and running with them. If it means being pulled by a red-herring, so be it, but I won’t dismiss anything until proven otherwise. As long as Martin wants to do good and have a happy ending, I don’t think the Web can fully get him at least not in the ways that count. But I won’t stop investigating the narrative on what these elements could lead up to. 

Conclusion 

This post was made in frustration. I admit that. There is a distaste for Web!Martin that has been approaching the fandom that I don’t entirely understand. I’m not saying you have to like it, heck I admit, I could be entirely wrong. I also agree it’s a bit annoying that every interaction that Martin and Jon have come up under scrutiny for Martin potentially being Webby by the fandom. That’s why I started this post as I did because I don’t find the narrative of “Martin Is The Evil Bad Guy Manipulating Jon From The Beginning” all that compelling and wanted to put that to rest early. 

I do, though, find it frustrating dismissing all elements of Web!Martin because of this. At the end of the day, I find there are too many elements in the text to entirely dismiss it and an outright rejection of Web!Martin can potentially lead to dissatisfaction with the narrative. I make this post as an explanation and exploration of my thoughts, and a way to show why so many fans like the Web!Martin theory. Take it or leave it, it’s fine, but I wanted to gather all my thoughts clearly in one place rather than in a bunch of snippy posts. I hope I’ve done that well enough. 

TLDR: Web!Martin for me is a potential, a threat, and a possibility, but not something I think is actively happening at the moment. Martin would make a good fit for an avatar if he wanted to be, but at the moment, has no motivation to do so. However, with the ever decreasing options to save the end of the world, I can see a situation where Web!Martin is a thing that he actively thinks could save it. 

That being said, Martin is inherently a character that wants to do GOOD in the world, and as long as that’s the case, even if that motivation is used against him, I don’t think he will be proven wrong that the world can be good and he has the power to make it so, or at the very least, I don’t think his journey will end on a dower note, even if it is a tragic one. The tragedy will be in the cost of saving the world or something similar, and whether or not Web!Martin is the case, I don’t think that will change. That being said, there are many potential theories on what could happen, and I don’t want to miss any of them, Web or not. This post has been made in somewhat defense as to why people like Web!Martin and continue to theorize about it, but also in reassurance that even if we do get Web!Martin that it doesn’t mean a destruction of Martin’s character.

[monomonomagines]

DR2 Boys as Monsters with a Human S/o Part 3

Wooh! I’m finally back writing and I had a ton of fun with this request if I’m entirely honest, especially since I had an idea on how to include Izuru as a fun bonus! I hope that you’ll all enjoy it as much as I did and expect for me to flesh out the lore with how Izuru and Hajime are tied together more in AO3 once we start uploding our more intricate Monster Au there! 

Part 3 (Part 1 here) (Part 2 here)

Fuyuhiko (Dragon)

Just as another day starts, it just as suddenly ends in the same manner with a few customers streaming into the bakery just before the day came to an end.

In the same manner, as you had grown accustomed to, entered the usual straggler that bought up all of your sweets that didn't sell, standing tall despite his small frame.

Approaching the glass and peering in like a child at the zoo, he still kept that same tough look on his face as he spoke up, his boyish voice giving an order more than a request.

"Give me everything you haven't sold today."

His eyes the hue of new spring growth with a goldish tint, don't bother to meet yours other than for that fleeting moment when they flick up to meet your gaze.

If you weren't used to him already, you would've assumed that he's quite a rude or shady guy but despite the fact that he always came bundled up in trenchcoat and other accessories to hide the shape of his figure he never caused even a stir in the bakery.

He always took your remaining sweets off of your hands at the very end of the night only to show up the next day and repeat the process.

Nodding you simply begin to carefully package the treats and begin to calculate the total while those same eyes from before followed your every move.

It was a bit funny to see such a tough-sounding guy always buying all of your sweets but you knew better than to voice that as you proceeded to relay the price of his goodies to him in the usual manner.

Like usual he pulled out some money from the pocket of his trenchcoat and places in your hands with his own gloved ones before telling you to, "Keep the change," and disappearing.

Normally you would leave around this time, that was what was typical but with your usual latecomer leaving you with nothing for the Holidays coming up you had no choice but to stay late to work on some fresh treats for the coming weekend.

It was going to be a long night, you thought as you got down to work.

After hours of baking and mixing and pouring you were going to call for a break when a strange golden light seeped in from the back window in the kitchen, piquing your curiosity.

The light seemed to be coming from the nearby forest, not too far but far enough behind all the greenery and trees that you had to draw closer to make out what it was.

There stood your usual latecomer, the straggler in the trenchcoat now shedding his disguise as he revealed his body to be covered in beautiful golden scales with a pair of wings and a tail to match.

You hadn't meant to stare, you knew it was none of your business what species your customers were but before you could attempt to turn back it seemed that he had caught onto your whereabouts.

Growling out in a way that made his sharp teeth visible even in the dead of night, he turns to you, his small form morphing into a much larger one as he reveals his true form to you.

"Don't scream!" He says, picking you up in his mouth with his discarded clothes as he lifts off into the sky.

As much as you wanted to scream, you could feel the fight leave your body as you were lifted off the ground and high into the sky.

This couldn't be happening! Your usual was a dragon, a literal gold dragon! There was no mistaking that this wasn't a dream with his gentle hold on you as you two flew but you didn't know if you wanted it to be real.

By the time this inner turmoil began to swirl about like a raging riptide it was already far too late. As suddenly as you had been lifted off the ground you were soon gently placed on it again, feelings your legs shake as they relished the feeling of solid ground to stand upon.

Now it was time for your captor to return to his previous humanesque form throwing on the trenchcoat once again, this time leaving it open enough for you to see his body underneath still.

Once you took it all in, he had placed you before a traditional-style Japanese house, the type you had only seen on rare occasions with its size when he spoke up, those same golden-green eyes gazing upon you.

"All right, I'll get down to business, how much do you want to keep your mouth shut?"

Huh? That's what he wanted to talk about, he wasn't going to kill you? To your obvious confusion, all he could do was smirk. It wasn't a playful kind of smirk though, let alone even a snarky one. The kind of expression he gave off felt dangerous as though he was trying to convey that refusing to comply would make it useless for him to have brought you this far.

"I'm not bribing you to be nice, Human. I know you've realized what I am and who I am, anyone would know by the scales that I'm the head of the Kuzuryuu Clan after all and as easy as it could be to kill you, I don't want to lose my source for my horde. Either, you accept my money or you disappear. Those are the only options you get!"

Despite his overly malicious sounding tone, his eyes bore into yours and for a moment you felt as you saw more than a dragon and Yakuza head threatening you.

In his eyes you saw a piece of who he really was, he was like a child begging you to have another cookie. He was vulnerable because of the simple knowledge that he liked sweets and even if you technically had no choice other than to allow him that, you wanted to.

In that moment your answer was clear, you'd allow him, the head of the Kuzuryuu clan to bribe you for your silence so that he could continue to indulge himself with your sweets.

That was what began your new-found "comradery" with Fuyuhiko. Now he was not only your usual latecomer in a trenchcoat, now he was the Golden Dragon that bought all your sweets and ate a portion of his spoils in the safety of your bakery after hours.

At least he was for months on end that is. However, after eating and talking with you over his sweets in the bakery so many times he seemed to be not as fond of the setting as he asked you to come with him to the same house he had taken you to before.

He had respected your wishes not to fly, saying something along the lines of that It's "not like he gives a damn" as he waited for your arrival.

As impatiently as ever, he wouldn't waste a moment once you did, dragging you off to a room to show you an impressive horde of all kinds of gems and gold and other treasures.

"So, you think this is my horde right?"

He asks with bated breathe as his eyes scan yours searching for something as though he knew there was something for him to find, but at your affirmation those same eyes seemed to soften as he let out a deep sigh.

"Well, you're fucking wrong! None of this is my horde, it's just for appearances for the clan. My real horde, my treasures...I actually wanted to share them with you but you have to swear not to tell anyone about this! You have to or else I really will kill you!"

He grumbles out, seeming more embarrassed than actually hostile as he waits for you to agree once more before pulling you into a hidden side room.

Upon first glance, it didn't seem to be anything special but as soon as your eyes focused in on the giant stash of sweets you knew. These were all the sweets that you had been baking lately, most of his leftovers from the nights he visited.

But why did he want to give a piece to you of all people? You knew you had gotten close and you did have feelings for him after getting to see the more intimate parts of him that you got glimpses of but if this was some kind of custom it surely was lost on you.

All you could manage to do was to thank him as he handed you a fried doughnut with some kind of childlike anticipation.

"What the fuck do you mean thank-" he stops to pinch the bridge of his nose, as though to cut himself off purposely before continuing-"You really don't know what this means do you?"

Reluctantly biting into the doughnut you nod again, waiting for him to explain, a light dusting of red coating his cheeks as much as the powdered sugar on your doughnut.

"It means, I...I want to be mates, you idiot."

Hajime (Alien)

Although you were planning on having a quiet evening in away from excitement, it seemed that the world had decided to ruin your plans by bringing the excitement directly to your doorstep.

It was well into the night, at least midnight if you were to approximate when you heard a deafening sound come from your backyard.

It sounded like a huge collision, possibly a horrible car crash or some other type of terrible event, an event the likes of which you didn't wish to get up to witness.

However, even though you had decided to attempt to remain under your covers where the world seemed so deceivingly warm, you were wrenched from your peaceful thoughts as a firm but polite knock at your back door assaulted your eardrums.

Ok, so maybe you were exaggerating but with this being your day off you really wanted to stay inside without anything concerning you, and someone needing your help after a crash was not in your plans in the slightest.

This was the right thing to do though, you told yourself as you approached the door and noticed the brunette on the other side with a worried expression etched across his features.

"Hello, I'm sorry for bothering you so late. I was hoping if I could stay the night here, I'm afraid I have no way to get home and I'm not really feeling too well after crash landing."

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation from staying up most of the night the day prior to your relaxation day or maybe it was that the words "crash landing" didn't register in that moment but before you could internally scream at yourself you were already allowing him into your home witnessing his odd appearance.

Well, he wasn't all that strange. He seemed to look just like an average guy other than the weird clothes and fuzzy antennae on the top of his head bouncing with every step he took.

"Thank you so much for allowing me to stay here. I was beginning to feel a bit sick after having to destroy what was last of my ship with the emergency protocol. It's probably just from the motions of crashing and all so if you don't mind I'll just need to lay down for a moment."

Despite his polite tone, he did seem a bit off-centered as he wobbled his way to your couch, laying down like it was some newfound sanctuary that he couldn't wait to reach.

Even if you wanted to say that this was normal, you knew at this point that something was up. Why was he dressed so weird, what was he going on about, and really what's with the antennae? Despite the number of questions beginning to multiply within your mind all you could manage to do in your tired stupor was to wobble over to him yourself, outstretching your hands to feel the fuzzy dancing receptors atop his spiky hair.

"W-what are you!?" seeming to contort his own face in confusion or even skepticism akin to your own he remarks, "So that's how you're feeling. You're apprehensive of me, right?"

Perhaps this would be the moment to respond or to even acknowledge the fact that he seems to have the power to understand what you feel once you're within a certain proximity of him. Perhaps you should have some deep revelation in this moment but with your lovely evening ruined by this interloper you decided instead to ignore any revelation, giving the fuzzy sensory appendages a hard tug to see if they'd come off.

"Ouch! S-stop that hurts!" He yells out into your head, his teeth gritted.

Huh? Did he just speak to you telepathically? Immediately understanding your mistake you unhand him, the realization that there's a real live alien laying on your couch finally sinking in.

"I didn't realize that you didn't understand the situation. Are you sure you don't need to lay down now? You seem more shaken up than I am." He replies sitting up to make eye contact with you.

As much as you wanted to agree, you now had even more questions overwhelming your very senses. You needed to know why and how he was here, immediately. Why did he show up tonight of all nights and here when it's supposed to be your day off!?

"I hadn't realized that I'd cause such a disturbance, although I guess I can't say I didn't consider it. I really don't have anywhere to go though so please allow me to stay here, even if it's just for a few! I'll learn to do whatever I have to earn my keep!"

He gives you a determined look as you gaze back shocked by the sudden proposal. He couldn't work but it's not like you wanted to turn him away. Guess this means that you got yourself an alien housewife or so the joke goes.

Allowing yourself a moment to breathe you accept his proposal, on the condition that he takes care of the house, dinner, and anything else around the place that was necessary to bettering it.

You knew it was probably a small feat for an alien compared to a human and with his quick approval you knew that you two would have a new exciting relationship blooming, even if it was just a symbiotic one.

Months have passed now since that day and despite your and Hajime's growing relationship, one thing never seemed to change.

Hajime rarely seemed to show much emotion unless he could get a reading off of you.

It was something that had started endearing but with him asking for your assistance in acting more human you had begun to wonder how to make it so that he would act more emotional without basing his feelings at the moment on others.

That's when an idea struck you! You would take him to a "Haunted House" you knew of. It wasn't exactly haunted as far as you knew but it's not like he'd know that and with a good scare you'd be sure to see his expression change even if just a bit.

What you anticipated didn't happen though as Hajime seemed spaced out the entire time you were there. Try as you might, it seemed that nothing changed that blank expression of his as you weaved intricate scary stories, claimed to see things not there, and even asked him if he "heard that sound" repeatedly.

Just what was he so focused on anyway!? You cursed to yourself when a warmth on your hand snapped you out of those thoughts.

"S/o?" he asks, his hands on your own as his forest colored orbs peer back at you, "Is this like what the human couples do? At home, I've witnessed enough TV to presume that you did this in order to court me in accordance with your established feelings for me. Am I right about that?"

Oh, right he can read your emotions and all. How didn't you think of him knowing all this time?

Taking your silence as an affirmation, he gently smiles at you catching you off guard with this rare expression and the words that had joined it. "I...I know it may be a bit sudden, but I do feel the same. I know I'm simply supposed to be earning my keep but would you allow me to be your boyfriend as you put it?"

Izuru (???)

After your strange rendezvous with Hajime in the "Haunted House," you took him to, you imagined that all would be normal or at least the state of normalcy you were used to with your new alien boyfriend.

However, something seemed off since you two had returned. Hajime had begun to space out often, seeming to move around without any recollection of what had just happened.

It was of course worrying but it wasn't like you could do take him to a doctor when he was an alien. You were left with little to no options other than to wait for it to pass if it would and to try to support him no matter what.

As this process continued with Hajime's face going blank and his body moving without his knowledge you only grew more fearful.

Now even when you tried to sleep beside him you'd end up tossing and turning or waking up every few hours out of fear that you'd lose him.

One night in particular though, he wasn't in bed with you when you had woken up. Perhaps it had been because of the raging storm that your ears picked up as soon as you had awoken or that he had to use the bathroom but at the same time you just knew that couldn't be it.

Something had to be amiss with how he's been acting, you couldn't think of anything else even if you had nothing to back up your thoughts.

Feeling the adrenaline shoot through your body you tore your way downstairs to see his silhouette in the kitchen looking out of the window at the pouring rain, only snapping around to look at you when you called out his name.

"So, you've awoken." He remarks, sounding more deadpan than ever before as his eyes gaze upon you, those same forest green orbs seeming cold and analytical as though there wasn't an ounce of life left behind them.

This wasn't Hajime, this was something else, you thought as whatever was before you tilted its head.

"You are right," you heard within your own head. "I'm able to access his powers though meaning that we can speak like this."

Taking in his form, illuminated by a flash of lightening you noticed how he floated a mere inch or two off the ground as he continued to stare through you with that expressionless face.

"I can tell you're scared of me but I don't mean any harm. Do you remember that "Haunted" house you took Hajime to?"

How did he know about that? As much as your thoughts swam about in your head, he seemed to be calm as ever simply floating closer to you.

"I'm surprised you're not getting this already," he sighs still inside your mind causing you to shiver from the strange sensation as he continues, "I'm a ghost, I died out long ago but I stopped being human long before that. I was the product of an experiment, an alien experiment so I thought that possessing the very same thing that stole my humanity would be interesting."

Drawing closer, his gaze bores into you, feeling an icy breath as his lips rest just an inch or so away from yours unmoving as he finishes his previous speech.

"But, like with everything else in this world I'm still so bored."

As soon as it seemed like he would possibly kiss you the body of your boyfriend fell into you still deep asleep as though he had never stirred in the first place.

You were lucky you could catch him but you knew you'd need to tell him about what happened.

As you dragged the two of you back to bed, trying to muffle the memory of that horrifying event and the onslaught of rain you felt a single name roll off your lips before you fell into a deep slumber.

"Izuru Kamakura."

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #384

“watch your tongue or have it cut from your head”

Do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? Sometimes. Depends on my mood and the person. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Idr. What’s your favorite television commercial? I don't watch TV enough at all to have one. And who has a favorite commercial, anyway? Do you trip a lot? I don't really trip a lot, but kinda fumble over my footing and stray a bit. I'm horrible at walking straight, and it's gotten worse as my legs have. How old is your television? The one in the living room is god knows how old. My parents were still together when they bought it. When did you last talk on the phone with someone? A couple days ago for my appointment with my psychiatrist. Are you currently sleepy? I'm quite convinced I'm permanently tired. Are you hot or cold natured? I am ALWAYS fucking hot, ugh. Do you take any advanced classes? I took mostly Honors classes in school. Do you have weak upper body strength? My body is just weak as a whole. What is the worst insult someone can call you? Emotionally weak. Are you good at sketching? If we're talking meerkats, haha. They're the only complex thing that I can freehand no problem without needing a reference, honestly. Ever play Angry Birds? Nah. I thought the movie was cute, though. Have you ever been to the zoo before? Yeah. Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? No. Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? It's not something I actively worry about at all. Like, you don't want my identity, I promise. Do you have any talents that come naturally? Growing up, adults always told me I was a "gifted" artist and writer. Also that I seem to have an unnaturally strong connection with animals. I've always been that person where a pet's owner is like "omg ____ never lets people do that" and whatnot. Have you ever had plastic surgery before? I haven't. It's funny though, how opposed to it I used to be... Like goddamn, I was such a fucking stupid and honestly judgmental teenager, regarding many things. I look back on her and cringe. Like damn dude, if you have a safe surgical procedure to help you enjoy the body you're stuck with the rest of your life, you go for it, boo. Are you afraid of airplane rides? Not really. What’s the best Valentine’s Day gift you’ve gotten? There was this one year where Jason had to go to work on Valentine's Day and I was super bummed, yet he still surprised me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, roses, and a game I really wanted, Heavy Rain. I thought it was the sweetest. What is something you lose often? My phone. ;-; Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I don't enter any. Do you consider yourself physically active? *chuckles nervously* Do you have Netflix? Yeah. Favorite salad dressing? That Olive Garden replica you can buy at the store. Do you enjoy dancing? Once upon a time I did. My body could never handle it now. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Many times. Snow or sand? Snow, by twenty thousand miles. It is VERY hard for me to walk through sand, and I also hate hate hate hate HATE the sensation. Do you like sour candy? Heeeeeell yeah man. Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what & how? Nothing notable. Are you a clumsy person? Like you would not fucking believe. Last male you talked to in person? I think my primary physician's nurse. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink lemonade, for sure. But I love both. Chocolate or strawberry milk? CHOCOLATE. Strawberry milk is disgusting. Have you ever won a contest on the radio?No. Is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? There's quite a few. Has a book ever made you cry? Yes. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yes, for the time. Do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? Not that I'm aware. What store or website would you most like a gift card for? Rebel's Market. How do you feel about wolves? I adore wolves. Beautiful, majestic creatures with very interesting social dynamics. Name your top 3 favorite musical instruments. Electric guitar, violin, piano. What was the last book(s) you bought at a bookstore? At an actual bookstore, I think it was The Fault In Our Stars, which I never actually read. Do you use Pinterest? Yes. Do you know any sign language? No. Do you have a favorite poem? No. Do you have a dog? No. The one we were pretty much stuck with has a home now. Have you ever read The Little House on the Prairie series? I haven't. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? Yes, for dance. When (if ever) was the last time you went to church? Forever ago, I don't even remember the last time. What's a quote you think is really powerful? There's a whole lot. The first one that came to mind was, "An eye for an eye will leave the world blind," which I do believe has great depth in it. Have you ever had to do your laundry at a laundromat? Yes. Are you the oldest person who lives in your household? No. My mom is turning 60 (... I think?) this year. If you have tattoos, how long have you had them? I got my first the day I turned 18. Do you and your dad have similar personalities? We're alike in some ways, imo most notably in that we have NO fucking common sense, embarrassing as that is to admit. We're both kinda slow at understanding things, too. What were the last three things you had to drink? Mountain Lightning, milk, and water. What did your family usually do for Easter when you were a kid? Us three kids all got Easter baskets full of stuff, and we'd go egg-hunting when we were all awake. My little sister Nicole would always wake our parents up in excitement, haha. My parents hid plenty throughout the house, and there was always this one "special" egg that was actually from Mom's childhood and was extremely intricate and beautiful. You basically "won" the hunt if you found it, and it was extremely well-hidden. When you have house guests over, where do they sleep? Historically since living here, my two half-sisters and their spouses (the only people who've stayed over) slept in what is *technically* Mom's room, but for whatever reason this woman still insists on sleeping on the couch in the living room, I guess because she's used to it after all the years she didn't have her own room and bed. Are you emotionally stable? LOLOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOOLOLLOOLOLLLLLLLLLLL Do you still talk to the very first person you had sex with? No. Are you an atheist? No. I don't quite know how to define what I am, but since I believe there's SOME higher power, I don't think it's fitting to call me an atheist. What’s the largest bug you’ve ever found in your house? Hm... I'm unsure. Probably a male mosquito, 'cuz them bitches are big'ins. Would it annoy you if a stranger called you "sweetie?" If it was a man, I'd be creeped out. Are you into fashion design? Not really. What’s the worst thing you’ve gone through in the past year? My leg muscles continuing to degrade, honestly. I have to do something about this shit. How did you get your last bruise? I fell when stepping over the stupid dog gate. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? Yikes, no. Would you rather have some bacon or beef jerky? Bacon. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONE. Do you wear skinny jeans? Back when I wore jeans, they were the only kind I wore. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm outta school. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I have no idea. Do you like coconut flavored things? No. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? No, thank god. I know someone who might've almost been, though. I don't know what the fucking pig was going to do to her if my sister and I weren't there. Have you ever wished for bigger boobs? No. Being overweight, I just want smaller ones now, haha. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I've gone many days without it. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four, if you're counting everyone that had the "boyfriend" title. Where were you going the last time you were on a plane? Home from Illinois. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? I've never been on one. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Holy fuck, yes. You would never guess now that I was perfectly healthy in high school especially, yet I still thought I was kinda fat. It hurts so much to look back on. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? I mean not excessively, but Mom was pretty dedicated to keeping the house in decent condition. With three kids though, of course the house was somewhat messy with toys and all. When you shop at IKEA, do you always stop to eat a snack/meal in the cafeteria? ... There's a fucking cafeteria in a furniture store? o_o I've never been there before. How many watches do you own? None, save for one in my "treasure box" from when I was a kid. I was SO SO SO obsessed with Finding Nemo that I kept my broken one. I did the same with my horribly aged sneakers, like the soles were coming off and Mom finally made me stop wearing them, ha. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? I do fucking nothing and am useless to society. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes, because emergencies happen. I personally think it's best to maybe have your cell phone flipped over on the corner of your desk or something and on vibrate, that way the noise isn't too disruptive and the teacher can see you're not just using it for other purposes. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Sigh, multiple. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? If so, what was the reason? Not recently. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? None. Do you know what your vocal range is? No, but it's not very broad. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I haven't been in this position before. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? I wanna say over a month while we were technically homeless. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? Oh dear, it was rough. Like there were people who had it worse than me, but ya girl was lookin preeeetty rough lmao.

[the-ghoulish-write]

~ ERA ONE GHOULS ~

The Shrouded Ghouls...

Quite the mystery, just like the one they follow.  Papa I’s shrouded ghouls hold an immense amount of power, likely surpassing that of even the Zeros.  Their eyes are hidden by their shrouds, the only thing apparent from their skin being their elemental symbol that glows brightly on their forehead.  Primo purposefully keeps his ghouls in check, rarely unleashing their true potentials if they’re needed in battle.

[Pictured is an early draft of the Era One ghouls]

MANIFESTATION ORDER FOR PRIMO’S GHOULS:

(1) Malachite

Loves the children who roam the monastery

His horns are technically antlers, although they do not shed like a normal caribou’s.

Even though he can speak in both Infernal and Common Tongue, he chooses not to speak

Most likely to be found sitting in a random spot in the garden, unmoving.  He might stay there for days without budging an inch

The largest of the Ones

(2) Abyss

Hates interacting with others

He can only be found with Malachite if found with another ghoul

Probably taking a nap somewhere

Falls asleep in the rafters; only Wisp knows where exactly

His tail lets off this wondrous little sparkle stars that fade in and out of existence, like a sparkler in slow motion

(3) Creek

Has a broken horn; manifested with it split in half or greatly damaged, thus the half removal

Enjoys telling scary stories to the other ghouls; he refuses to tell them to his fellow water ghouls because he doesn’t want to scare Rain

Will not hesitate to fight someone if he has to, yet he’s pretty conflict avoidant

NEVER makes eye contact; he’ll only talk with others indirectly and refuses to look them in the eye

(4) Wisp

The most unknown of the Ones

Very quiet, even around those he’s comfortable with

Loves sour foods; He will just casually eat lemons

Nothing seems to phase this one

Probably one of the baddest bitches in the monastery, all things considered

(5) Sulfur

Very kind 

Second largest of the Ones

Has a massive sweet tooth, which compliments Primo’s baking habits fantastically

Will try to befriend everyone

- ERA ONE IDENTIFIERS -

Their eyes have multiple markings, available for the pupil to move about between each one.  This means that each large marking is technically classified as an eye, but they only have one pupil

Across the board, the Ones have the largest horns of the ghouls.  Their markings are much more intricate than the other ghouls as well.

It’s unknown what they look like under their shroud, but it is likely so terrifying that it could scar a man for life.  The shrouds are much more important in the Believer World due to a human’s fear receptors.  The High Clergy feared that the Ones might end up killing a human at a ritual if one happened to see the ghoul’s face... thus the strict code to always have the shroud on.

Even though their horns have less of their respective colors shown, they are naturally dark-colored horns.  This means that their power to manifest their element is pretty high, which is why they aren’t fully unleashed in battle.  Primo fears that if he unlocks the full potential of his ghouls, he could either lose them or himself.

These guys never take off their cowls.  The hood is always up, no matter the circumstance.  They likely lack any form of hair, but it is unknown if they have more than a single pair of horns (like the Era Fours).

This is the first Era where the respective ghoul’s elemental color has begun to seep into their skin.  Their fingers hold the hue of their respective color, which seems to deepen their hold on their element.

--- (2/5) ---

[Era 0] ; [Era 1] ; [Era 2] ; [Era 3] ; [Era 4]

[radramblog]

Album Discussion- The Fall of Troy

Last week I discussed an album that, more or less, was defined by looseness and empty spaces. This might as well be the polar opposite of that.

(man no-one seems to have uploaded this album art in high res)

Released in 2003, The Fall of Troy is a self-titled mathcore/post-hardcore/screamo debut album made by 3 17 year olds- and in some ways that shows, but it’s not like they were fresh, they’d had two EPs under a different name by that point. The Fall of Troy is probably best known by their song F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X., having been featured as a bonus track in Guitar Hero III, which is notably, not on this album. Rather, their second album, Doppelganger, had a few tracks that were basically retakes of songs from this first album. But we’re not talking about Doppelganger (and I still can’t find a bloody CD of it), we’re talking about The Fall of Troy, by The Fall of Troy, so let’s bloody well dive in.

The first song on here, Rockstar Nailbomb!, is as much a statement of intent as anything I’ve ever seen. It’s starts with hoarsely screamed, incomprehensible vocals over a frenetic set of guitar riffs, that cuts back into a more traditional song structure, you know, after a bit. Like any good opener, it’s introducing what you’re going to be getting from the album- songs that, while extremely energetic, tend to cut between sung vocals and screamed ones at a moment’s notice, complex and overlapping guitar riffs, and a very deliberately unpolished sound. The technical skill on display is incredible considering the age of the band, as well. For such a short song, Rockstar Nailbomb! goes in some real places, closing with a line that would be appropriate to finish off the album as a whole- but of course, we’re just getting started.

The next song is called Spartacus, and it shows off the talent of the drummer in a way that the previous didn’t. Unfortunately, I almost feel like this song was kind of a half-formed idea, considering it’s a minute and a quarter long, and the…squeal…? Near the end is kind of offputting. A mid one.

Oh boy it wouldn’t be a nerd band without ridiculous track names- next up is The Circus That Has Brought Us Back to These Nights (Yo Chocola), and no I don’t fucking know what that means. This one ironically feels the most like a song than the others before it, a slightly more traditional structure, the screaming and singing vocals forming something of a call-and-response that would probably make more sense if I could understand the lyrics half the time. Despite this, it’s no less speedy, frantic, and intricate, mixes between melody and dissonance that are basically the band’s signature.

The fourth track is named Mouths Like Sidewinder Missiles, and it’s one of my favourite tracks on the album. I can’t really describe why, though, so I’m going to take a minute to talk about something else. See, this is one of the tracks that was redone for Doppelganger, and on Spotify, for whatever reason, has the title misspelled “Misssiles”. I let them know about this years ago and they never fixed it, so I guess this is my callout post. For what it’s worth, I think the Doppelganger version is a bit looser, adding in some elements in the empty space (there’s a reverb after the initial riff I really love), but both have their own merits.

Okay, mild rant over, back to regular old rambling. The next track is The Last March of the Ents, Lord of the Rings reference very much intended. This is one of those tracks I always forgets exists to be honest, like the intro started and I was like…what was this one again? And then the bit at like 50 seconds came in and I remembered everything. That section is honestly really strong, though unfortunately the rest of the track kinda feels just like Mouths like Sidewinder Missiles, but like, slightly worse? Which is especially awkward considering it immediately proceeds that song. I will say the part of the song where it slows alllll the way down is really enjoyable, it’s very gradual and smooth, gives the bass a bit of time to shine, before blowing back up again because these guys just can’t bear to play slow for half a minute.

The next track is F.C.P.S.I.T.S.G.E.P.G.E.P.G.E.P. This is the song that their most popular track, F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X. is a version of, and they’ve never actually stated what the acronym is for. A common (and I believe discredited) suggestion is, and I quote, “Fuck condoms, premarital sex is the shit, get ‘er pregnant get ‘er pregnant get ‘er pregnant”, which is A Take. It also has nothing to do with the lyrics of the song itself. This track is actually by far the loosest and slowest on the album completely, appropriate considering it’s first words are “slow down”. There’s really not a lot of screaming on it, left only to the chorus, and they’re actually understandable which is nice (or maybe it’s just because I know it’s “come running home”). This is undoubtedly an emo track, based on the lyrics, but it’s also just kind of excellent, similarly complex lyrics slowed down to a comprehensible tempo and a bridge that builds in a supremely satisfying manner. The comparison to R.E.M.I.X. is of course, inevitable, and I will say the tightening up did help in some places- the very slow section at the latter part of the song probably doesn’t need to go that long, and that’s easily the part that gets sped up most in the redo. Still, the song stands out very naturally, feeling more thoughtful and controlled than its peers.

The next song is titled “Whacko Jacko Steals The Elephant Man’s Bones”, apparently a reference to…a music video where Michael Jackson danced next to a recreation of the skeleton of a famously deformed man. Yeah, ok, sure. I don’t actually have much to say about this one, it’s very scream-led, but doesn’t really stand out to me apart from the naming. It’s play rating supports this, being the second least listened track here, but it’s by no means bad. It’s just kinda long and as generic as something like this can be, I suppose. Honestly I kinda forgot all the directions this goes, some of these sections are really quite excellent, but the song is probably like 2 minutes longer than it needed to be. I’m just saying. Like I kept waiting for this song to try and change my mind and it kinda just didn’t.

Reassurance Rests in the Sea is up next, and god that little riff it’s building around, that just noodles around but at triple speed, is just so sick. It’s a song that spends a lot more time cutting itself down- like F.C.P.etc. it’s looser and slower, but substantially more disjointed than that one is. This song, uh, completely breaks off like two minutes in and just stops. And becomes a different song. Like, I don’t think this is a bonus track or anything, it’s just a part of the same song. And that second half is a really sort of chill (for this album) instrumental, lead by a bassline that slowly gets more riffs over the top of it. And then that bit stops itself, and the main song returns again for like the final half a minute or so. And honestly I was just like, wait, no, go back…….

The actual least listened to track on the album is number 9, The Adventures of Allan Gordon (it’s apparently about a book). Honestly, I’d kinda love to hear this live, because the first minute or so of it is the kind of thing you’d play as an interstitial to keep the audience going while you get your shit ready for the next song. Eventually (and I mean eventually, song’s a third through at this point) the lyrics and such come in, and yeah ok I see why this one isn’t as popular. It’s like, fine? Like, that cut back section is pretty overall mediocre, but when we get back to the screaming and the riffs and the noise its as solid as ever. It’s a little frustrating, because they can do the more lyrical stuff, F.C.P. is right there, but this one doesn’t quite make the mark for me. A shame.

Track 10 is I Just Got This Symphony Goin’, which does not have an actual symphony, but it does present and absolutely killer opening riff, so it’s not all bad. This is one of the songs I most associate with the album, even if it’s one of the ones also on Doppelganger. Its speeding up and slowing down and screaming and singing and lots of interweaving and yeah. I like it. Iunno.

The final song, What Sound Does a Mastodon Make? (I dunno, ask a paleontolgist?), is a full seven minutes, 2 minutes longer than the next longest track. It’s kind of interesting, since the second half of the album going by tracks is much much longer than the first half. It does this really fun bit where the lead guitar and rhythm guitar do their own little call and response thing, immediately followed by one of the weirdest vocal noises I’ve ever heard, and I don’t have a word to describe it, so you’re gonna have to either trust me or listen to it yourself. This song is just really, really long, man, and it goes in a lot of places but none of them are exceptional enough to really justify slogging through a total 7 minutes of it. I’m going to be honest, I’m probably not going to listen to it unless I’m going through the whole album. The extended build near the end is pretty sick, I guess? And the way the last minute just decides to, like, drop everything, and just end with a very quiet, indie-esque instrumental. Like the very “we did it, now we can relax” sort of moment. Lets both you and the band know its over, and you can move on past your energy high to something a bit more chill.

I think the best phrase I can use to describe The Fall of Troy is “ADHD music”. Both in that it feels almost a little distractable sometimes, multidirectional and often not fully resolving its lines, and also in that said lines are great if you’re someone like myself who’s brain needs something to be chewing over while the more conscious parts are trying to do something else. To be clear, I consider this a compliment. Like most music I discuss, this certainly isn’t for everyone, as you’re going to need a tolerance for adrenaline and screaming to enjoy this album, but I do think it’s worth the attempt. Now, I haven’t listened to Doppelganger (or any of the other albums for that manner) in full, so I can’t comment on how the style of The Fall of Troy would evolve over time. But at the very least, this is a very solid starting point for what would become a surprisingly long-lasting act.