#it! may have made me! bad at being in equal and transparent loving relationships! a little bit!

[thedreadvampy]

one of those many days where I say groundbreaking things such as 'hmmmm...perhaps my life...has been somewhat bad at some points'

'perhaps..........this may have had some amount of lasting emotional impacts.........?'

[skelebellie]

desiderium

emmrich volkarin x gender neutral mournwatch!rook

a/n: my last poll solrook vs emmrich ended, and emmrich won. so here’s a treat since im not as busy right now (for 24 hrs). i see a lot of fics making emmrich as some sort of master sex man, but i think there are some real insecurities that would arise out of an age difference relationship. also- i wanted to write carnally down bad rook. also exploring mournwatch rook.

rook does not have any physical descriptors

Warning: Mature. No explicitly sexually themes, suggestive content. slight angst w/ comfort. fluff?

i.e. rook gets FREAKY

Rook settled into Emmrich’s chair comfortably. Their feet pulled underneath them as they poured over one of his tomes. Before his joining, Rook was left throwing stones off the edge of the Lighthouse to see how far they could keep an eye on it before it blipped out into the endless sea of the fade. Emmrich settled at the end of his desk, flipping through a series of scrolls and papers detailing a recent surge of events through the fade. Even if he wasn’t in the Grand Necropolis, he tended to keep busy. It wasn’t the most exciting thing, reading in the presence of their partner, but it was a welcomed contrast to the insanity that followed with fighting ancient elven gods. While Varric described them as a straight thinker and often getting themselves into more trouble than good, it was nice to take off the mask.

However, anxieties were bubbling under the surface regarding their relationship with Emmrich. Nothing remarkably concerning, but they sensed some form of… hesitation. Emmrich had made it very clear how much they loved them, and their neck wasn’t safe from a surprise kiss or the gentle whisper of words. However, outside of that, their romance had been relatively tame. Not that it had upset them, they both had agreed to take it slow. Rook hadn’t been in a previous relationship, as they were far too busy under the Mourn Watch to consider the notion in the past.

For all purposes, Emmrich was exceptionally transparent with their relationship. Even so, Emmrich seemed- how did Harding describe it- mopey? Languid kisses ended earlier, his hands hesitated, and some nights they were even denied the comforting embrace of their lover arms.

Which lead to the moment before them, Rook’s eyes locked onto Emmrich as he continued to read. Only stopping to make eye contact with Rook, the flames of the fireplace dancing across his skin.

“You’re starring, dear.” Emmrich commented, raising his head lightly, the glint of his glasses catching against the golden ember of the room.

“It’s hard not too when you’re so distracting.” Rook responded, closing their book and giving Emmrich a cheeky grin.

“Your compliments find me at the most unique moments.”

Emmrich's words were always well constructed. Even at their most focused Rook could barely knock him off his feet with their flirting. However, Rook also became keenly aware that Emmrich wouldn’t accept said compliment.

Truthfully, it frustrated them to no end. Since they hadn’t escalleted their relationship, Rook made a point to constantly praise Emmrich. It was impairitive that he understand how much they loved him. Especially with the continued teasing from the rest of the group.

A silence fell between the two. However, unlike the prior calm, an air of unpleasantness settled. Emmrich’s eyes stared at Rook as the cogs in their brain ticked and spun.

“Do you not desire me sexually, Emmrich?” Rook responded, voice rather blunt for such a crude comment. Instead of being filled with frustration, their face fell to curiosity- understanding. Rook wasn’t unaware of the different forms of love that were followed across Thedas. Sex didnt equal love, and not all love had to involve sex. So while their initial comment was one meant to open the doors to a productive conversation, it may have come off as accusatory.

“Excuse me?” Emmrich responded, shock evident across his creased eyebrows.

“Do you feel sexual attraction to me? Arousal? Excitement at the idea of my naked”, They rambled, before being swiftly cut off.

“Im well aware of what you mean. What Im wondering is why you would ask such a thing?” His voice turned serious, slightly intimidated at the conversation at hand.

Emmrich had his own demons. He was an accomplished necromancer, reasercher, and professor. But in the ways of long-term love, he had his own failings. Prior to meeting Rook, he had accepted that he would be entombed alone. And while he did love Rook, there were lingering doubts about their relationship.

Could he keep up with Rook? They were much younger, and lacked experience- would it have been better for them to get with someone like Davrin or Taash? Live out the fleeting moments of sexual exileration and lust from a partner their age? Was he fulfilling their needs, or was in inadvertently tying them down? Emmrich had no discourse concerning the age difference, other than the time they would spend apart. Was it selfish of him to love such a young beauty, only to leave them behind? Did Rook even desire him in that way- or was he far from what they wanted physically?

These questions riddled his brain until the night fell silent. And while Emmrich considered himself calm and collected, these worries had inadvertently began to affect the way the treated Rook. Hesitation and doubt imbued with his touch like a sickening virus.

Rook returned a less serious look to Emmrich. “You’ve been hesitant. I dont find your hand on my waist as often, and the physical contact between us has been few and far between. I even walked in earlier this week with some of my buttons undone and you had the gall to button it back up.”

“Im not mad- I understand relationships all take different shapes and forms. But I felt it was a point we needed to address.” They replied, their gaze softening at Emmrich. While they had enough confidence to rival that of Solas’, there was something disheartening at the idea that your partner didnt feel attracted to you. Let alone not find you desirable.

Emmrich’s voice came out soft, and apologetic.

“Oh Dear,” He said quietly, raising up from his seat and discarding his paperwork as he made his way across his quarters. Arriving infront of Rook, taking the book out of their hands and placing it onto the side table. Replacing the leather bound texture with the smoothness of his hands.

“It’s not like that at all. I had no idea I had been coming across as prudish- it’s just that-“, His voice failed him momentarily. Emmrich wasn’t shy, his sexual past was quite adventurous compared to his peers. But for some reason, the daunting idea of not being enough was sufficient to cause doubt within him. His fingertips rubbing over Rook’s palms as he thought.

“Of course I find you attractive. I find myself staring at you when you aren’t looking, unable to peel my eyes away from you- afraid to miss the smallest detail about you. My desire for you, both mind and body, bubbles beneath my skin in the most inappropriate of times.” He coughed out, albeit a bit embarrassed at the sudden confession.

A gentle sigh escaped Emmrich’s nose.

“It’s just that I worry. Nothing more than the ramblings of an older man.” He replied, aiming to settle the conversation with minimal details.

Although, this would not work on Rook. They had spent far too many nights solving the problems of their teammates. And their relationship with Emmrich made it even more transparent to them that something was on his mind.

“Love, please, talk to me.” Rook whispered, standing up from their seat to meet their eyes with Emmrich’s. A pleading look engrained from their eyes to the deepest part of their soul.

A silent moment passed between them, the necromancers shoulders relaxing as a breath he didnt even know he was holding escaped. He didnt want to bother his lover with such trivial things, but he found that they often wormed their way in anyhow. Grateful to be a shoulder of understanding and acceptance. Quietly, he pulled Rook back towards his desk, guiding them with a gentle grip. As he pulled his partner closer, he settled himself at the edge of his desk, shortening himself just enough so that they were eye level with each other.

“It’s not that I don’t find you absolutely enticing, far from it. More so, I am worried about my own endeavors.” Emmrich babbled, his eyes falling to the hands he cradled within his own. Admiring the contrast of his grave jewelry amongst Rooks skin.

“Such as?” Rook asked.

“I find that there are looming doubts within me. That I may not be enough for you- physically. There are far younger individuals who could fulfill my place. At my age, there are much more… compatible suitors. for you” He admitted.

Rook looked back at Emmrich, their face filled with worry. It’s not as if this thought hadn’t crossed their mind. Although, their worries didnt involve their compatibility, sexually or otherwise. They were far more worried about how others would view Emmrich, or if they were fulfilling his needs.

But the momentary falter in their gaze drove Emmrich’s stomach to the bottom of his abdomen. Their hesitancy a personal confirmation of his deepest doubts.

“I see you have your own doubts. I knew It was selfish of me to-“ He responded, gently pushing back against Rook. Only to be met with a force pushing against him, keeping him against the edge of the desk.

“Emmrich, you are not the one who decides who and what I am attracted to.” Rook responded firmly, tone absent of their usual jovial and forgiving nature. Honestly, it shocked Emmrich to see this side of them, the one usually reserved for the battlefield- for a leader.

“I am not ignorant of our differences in age. But do not think for a moment that you had “tricked” me into anything. I knew very well what I was getting into when I decided to pursue you.” They responded, a gentle yet firm hand coming up to rest underneath Emmrich’s chin, closing the small space between the two. Rooks eyes shifted their gaze from soft to an almost peering look. Looking across Emmrich’s face with rigid admiration, as if viewing one of the hundreds of phantasmal paintings that covered the Grand Necropolis.

“It would be amiss of me to not recongnize that being raised by skeletons and spirits in the Grand Necropolis turned my attraction to an… older audience. One that I can assure you fall into.” Rook divulged. Their thumb running across the bottom of Emmrich’s lip, admiring the way the muscle gave way to their finger.

“Darling, I didn’t intend to assume…” Emmrich whispered, his hands settling on their lowers hips given their proximity. Rooks gaze alighting a rumbling heat in his pelvis. There was something about Rooks eyes- the look belonging not to some hesitant, inexperienced lover. Rather, someone who knew exactly what they wanted.

“And yet you did.” Rook responded, shortening the distance between the two until Emmrich was forced to place a hand on his desk in order to maintain his balance.

“I can assure you, I am not without my desires. I am simply good at hiding them. I may be inexperienced, dear, but I am not unknowledgeable about what I want. I just thought it would better to keep said intentions to myself until we discussed it further. However, Im beginning to understand that you are a man of action, not words.” They continued, their hand traveling across the outside of Emmrichs thigh, fingers dancing along the side seam in a manner that caused his leg to shake.

“Must I show you my hunger? Reveal to you the heat that scorches my body until it’s the only thing I think about? How some days you leave my thoughts reduced to its only basic instinct?”

Rooks hand continued upwards, palming across Emmrich’s abdomen as he let out belittled breaths in return. The skillful hands of a mortalitasi unbuttoning his exterior vest to untuck his undershirt. Rooks head dipped into the crook of Emmrich’s neck, quickly removing the skull lapel across his neck to unbutton the top buttons of his undershirt. Needing to pay hommeage to the caratoid artery that kept the object of their desire alive. Belated breaths tickling across the pale skin before them. Tantalising close, as their own wants teetered out from under their control.

“Dearest- I- Please-“ Emmrich responded, his words finally reaching Rooks ears as his other hand clenched across their back. Torn between an embrace and halting them all together.

Softly, Rook’s hand drifted under his shirt, teasing at skin they couldn’t see. There was something arousing about finally getting to touch the skin Emmrich constantly kept covering up. Their feelings at odds with each other as they took the moment to explore. Dip their fingers into his back dimples and forgotten scars as if ingraining it within their memory for a later day. Although, their attention would quickly return to Emmrichs neck. Planting hungry kisses down to his trapezium, far below the collar.

“Desire is a fools word, Professor. What I feel towards you is not as simple as a want- it’s an obsession. I need you just as much as the blood beneath my skin and the air in my lungs. If I could, I would devour you until we were one and the same.” Rook recounted, before planting wet kisses along the crevices of Emmrich’s life line. Alternating between biting and sucking the skin. Drowning the room out before them in a mixture of heated gasps, soft moans, and the until the fire within Rooks stomach settled into a gentle simmer. Their back only slightly sore from Emmrich’s grasp, before they finally leaned back. Revealing the dischevled Professor, his hair tussled and sweat on his brow. Not that rook looked any better.

Rook paused for a moment, allowing them both to catch their breath, before they removed the hand underneath Emmrich’s under clothes and placing it against his cheek. Relishing in the feeling of stubble just beneath their palm.

“I assume I have been quite demonstrative as towards my intentions?” Rook responded.

Emmrich could only give a wide eyed look, his face teetering on embarrassment and arousal. Shock could barely describe the revelation he just had.

“I think you’ve been quite clear, dear.”

[utilitycaster]

I feel like most of the people who highly criticise tlovm should present a plan on how they would adapt it better. especially with vex's story, i don't understand why people seem to imply cr somehow suddenly became misogynistic and that they're "rewriting her story for the sake of vax's". it's so easy to be a hater and do bad faith readings but honestly if there ever was an adaptation where you can safely assume the original authors are satisfied, it is tlovm just based on the degree of their involvement alone. and supposedly who is to blame for that? is everyone against Laura? did Laura supposedly misunderstand her own character's story?

Hey anon!

So like...I feel you, but, to be fair, I stand by people's right to dislike a story without knowing how to fix it! I like to try and piece together how I'd do it differently because that's fun for me but it's always completely valid to say "I don't vibe"; it's just that it is worth exploring why you don't vibe. Sometimes it's not anything deep and revealing about you, but sometimes it is, and you'll never know which it is unless you take a look. I also, as always, will defend 1. being a hater and 2. saying "I recognize the cast is having fun and likes it but I'm not a fan." Those are extremely valid feelings to have!

With that said, you are correct that there is this weird attitude that tends specifically towards Laura that I and many others have commented on, where they seem to think she has absolutely no say in anything and they need to protect her, but it's transparently a cover to hide that they hate 99% of her choices. Genuinely, I need everyone in the fandom to look in the mirror, and say "Laura Bailey has been a willing participant in every canon relationship her characters have been in, and indeed, typically, an equal or greater instigator thereof, and I don't need to like those choices, but I do need to acknowledge she made them." (While they're at it, they can shut the fuck up about the chibi pin hair being pink, like, let's talk about how Laura is in charge of merch and probably approved it personally, whereas some uh. other Imogen depiction choices, shall we say have been conspicuously absent from anything Laura may have had any say in; I think it's fair to assume she is fine.)

On top of that, I'm also openly someone who's like...I like Vax well enough, but he's not in the top half of VM characters for me. I also find the "TWINNIES" people who are obsessed with their earlier codependent behavior and continue to overlay it on the actors constantly as if they personally knew Laura and Liam, years after VM aired, to be rather insufferable. At the same time, though, Vax and Vex are indelible and central parts of each other's stories. Vex's story is about her, and Vax is a huge part of her, and it's stupid to pretend otherwise. Vex's story is also very much about how some part of her still wishes her father loved and respected her, and it's extremely about being able to love Percy, someone with their own struggles with darkness, and being able to ask him for help. Her story is very much her own, but her relationships with these three male characters are central to it, and you cannot excise them from the narrative to fulfill some elementary-school level surface-level idea of what Women In Fiction should look like. It's valid to want a story that is about a woman whose primary relationships, romantic or otherwise, are with other women. But Vex is not, canonically, that woman; you are making up an OC and giving them her face if you say she is.

(What I actually need is for everyone to watch the scene in which Scanlan leaves, actually; if you can watch that and internalize it, you will get Vex's character arc because she flat-out says it to Scanlan - and if you skip it bc you cry too much or whatever, you will not.)

[nixie-writes]

AHHH YES I would love to hear about your oc, I looooove hearing bout others oc's !!!!!! i have 2 of my own for hazbin !!!!!!!!!if ur comfy ofc <3333333

!!! I didn't think anyone would be interested but thank you!! I have a really lengthy G-Doc for her so I'll just paste it here, and include the full body transparent art I did for her. In this I'll be repeatedly referencing a character named Willow, who belongs to my friendo @willowaudreykeyes so please keep that in mind! (I hope you don't mind me directly referencing your OC, Remy, love ya!)

Nixie (referred to as Nix by close friends) is a water nymph Hell-born demon, Overlord of Mythology. Her body is made of water and she can shift her form to her desire, however she chooses a more bunny-like appearance. She believes it represents purity and a motherly spirit. She currently works with the Happy Hotel as redemption manager, learning why separate sinners fell to Hell and setting up treatment plans to get them redeemed. She considers Willow, Overlord of Medicine, Charlie Morningstar, Husk and Niffty as good friends. She has a strained frenemy relationship with Alastor; she dislikes him, however her closest friend Willow is dating him and as such, she tolerates him. She is one of, if not the only Hell-born Overlord and as such, she sees herself as a political voice for Hell-borns. She believes that Hell-borns, including imps, Hell-hounds, succubi and the such, are all treated unfairly because they were born in Hell and never had the chance to enter Heaven. She believes Hell-borns should be treated equally to sinners. Being the Overlord of Mythology, a form of media that still stands in current humanity, she holds power and is of good status among Overlords. Towards Hell-borns, she has a very motherly and nurturing demeanor. While she has no children of her own, she views Hell-borns as her children, even ones older than her. She always wanted her own children, but never felt comfortable enough with another Overlord or Hell-born to settle down with, and never considered settling down with a sinner. She also has her political career at stake and fears she may be forced to choose between biological children and her career. She believes Hell-borns have been betrayed by the political system and forced to the bottom of the food chain and she intends to use her status as Overlord to change this. She has a bias to Hell-borns, as she considers them her responsibility. Towards sinners, she’s more reserved and has a standoff-ish personality. She isn’t the nicest to sinners; she has no experience with them and believes every sinner is in Hell because they did something terrible in life. She’s unaware of how strict Heaven is and thinks there are too many sinners stuck in one ring, and believes that either the sinners should be removed or allowed to traverse other rings. Hence, why she agrees to help with the redemption - if she can help sinners achieve redemption, Hell will begin to clear up and there will no longer be a need for yearly exterminations that risk the lives of Hell-borns and sinners alike. Throughout her time at the hotel, she grows warmer to the sinners and understands not all of them are evil, some are just victims of bad circumstances, and she finds herself falling for a specific sinner she works with. Alongside other Overlords, she can be stiff and downright rude if she feels the need to be. Her reputation precedes her as kind and motherly to Hell-borns, but the other Overlords are all sinners who abused the political system to gain their placement, in her mind. During required Overlord meetings she isn’t very talkative unless she feels the need to bring in her position, otherwise she doesn’t speak unless spoken to. She specifically dislikes Alastor, Valentino and Vox, though she doesn’t quite mind Rosie, as her friend Willow works with Rosie.

When she deals with Alastor alone she’s very tight and keeps to herself, always second guessing anything he says, regardless of his friendly demeanor. She’s complacent with him but makes it visible she dislikes him, making a point to frown his way any time he gets her attention. Her frown doesn’t suggest weakness to him, it suggests genuine distaste. She believes he’s too unpredictable and not trustworthy. She wouldn’t trust him around a child for a moment. Among her friends, she’s more lax and laughs sometimes. She’s reserved and quiet often, but around those she truly trusts (Willow, Charlie and Niffty specifically) she’s a little looser and loves to have girl’s nights. She enjoys watching the other girls do each others’ hair and nails and have love and crush talks (Charlie talking about Vaggie, Willow talking about Alastor much to Nixie’s chagrin and Niffty talking about men she sees in magazines). When they ask her if she has an interest in anyone Nixie simply shrugs and says, “I don’t know, we’ll see”. She has feelings for a sinner in the hotel but refuses to admit it, even if she gets all flustered around said sinner. Willow, her closest friend, hasn’t revealed if she’s aware of Nixie’s crush or not. With Charlie, her friendship with her and, by extension, Vaggie, is business on the surface. Nixie works for them non-profit and has to discuss treatment plans for specific sinners. However in private, Nixie is very chill with Charlie and Vaggie. She enjoys their wholesome relationship and likes being the platonic third wheel in the fun stuff they do together. With Niffty, she enjoys how neat and friendly the smaller cyclops is. She can’t imagine what a sweet young lady like her did to end up in Hell. She enjoys watching and helping Niffty clean around the hotel, listening to Niffty talk about men she’s noticed and what she likes about them. She thinks Niffty is a little loose emotionally and fears she may get her heart broken, but she issues Niffty that if any man hurts her they’ll never forget the consequences. With Husk, she’s very flustered around him, both in public and in private. She doesn’t drink, but many nights she’ll come down to the common room late at night to talk with him. They have a secret close friendship, but she wishes for more. She loves to see his card tricks, including his sleight of hand, though she can never learn it herself. She encourages his magic tricks and, while she doesn’t like his drinking habits, she likes him for who he is and wishes he feels the same. With Willow, Nixie considers Willow her closest friend and confidant. They have a very close friendship, as they’re both Overlords and both share a love interest with two men associated with each other. Willow, being a plant-based demon, needs water for her herbs and her body, and Nixie happily provides. Throughout the day she’ll brush by Willow and leave water on her body for her leaves to soak up. Though she dislikes Alastor she insists on helping Willow set up dates with Alastor, and Nixie may or may not spy on them to make sure Alastor doesn’t try pulling a trick out of his sleeve. Nixie is unabashedly herself around Willow with no shame and the two get along great, always appreciating each other’s company, both within and outside work confines. They often have sleepovers, just the two of them, where they talk about a litany of things, though Willow seems insistent on talking about Alastor. Nixie is tempted to dump all her mixed feelings about Husk and her crush on him to Willow but fears that Willow may try to act upon it or force Nixie to confess. Nixie and Willow have a very close relationship, like sisters, and Nixie would do anything for Willow’s sake.

This should be transparent; I drew this myself, it isn't my best work but this was 30 layers in Sai so here you go!

[deancas-fanfiction]

A Daydream Away

Chapter 2/?

Summary: After multiple couples go missing from a resort in northern Minnesota, Dean and Cas are forced to pose as a couple to investigate the mysterious entity. As Dean and Cas navigate their fake relationship, it leaves Dean questioning what's real and forces him to confront his feelings for Cas.

A story in which Cas is human, Dean is sometimes an idiot, and Sam acts as matchmaker.

Tags: fake relationship, case fic, sharing a bed, human!cas, Sam ships Dean and Cas, fluff, eventual smut

available on ao3 Read Ch. 1 here

Dean began to slowly stir from sleep. For the first time in years, he awoke feeling well-rested. No pounding headache from the aftershock of a hangover, no repressed memories rattling in his head from a recurring nightmare, and there was no dry feeling in his eyes from sleeping only a few hours. Instead, he felt warm and relaxed as he began to regain consciousness. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking away the sleep as he took in his surroundings. Morning sun hazily streamed in through the gaps in the curtains and it was perfectly still and quiet. Dean sighed in content and went to roll over to fall back asleep. Except a weight on his chest prevented him from moving.

Dean tensed, realizing Cas was lying across him. His head was resting in the crook of his neck and his arm was flung over his chest in an almost possessive like manner. His right leg was intertwined with Dean's, sufficiently entangling the two so Dean couldn't easily tear himself away. Cas' breath softly fanned against his neck, leaving goosebumps in its wake. As if all of that wasn't bad enough, Dean quickly remembered they were both nearly naked, wearing nothing but their boxer briefs. This meant their bare skin was pressed together and that there was only a very thin material of fabric protecting Dean from a very embarrassing situation. He closed his eyes at that thought and focused on his breathing to calm himself down.

It was at that moment that Cas began to stir. Dean silently cursed whatever entity was at fault for this awkward situation he was about to be in. Cas flexed his fingers and he tightened his grip on Dean rather than pulling away in alarm, as he had expected.

"Uh Cas?"

"Hmmph."

"Buddy, I gotta go to the bathroom. Would you let up?" Dean tried peeling Cas' arm off him with that request but was unsuccessful.

"No."

Okay, so Cas was a totally unabashed cuddler. Dean added it to the mental list of social norms that Cas hasn't exactly picked up on yet. He internally groaned as Cas remained plastered to him. As Cas' breathing once again evened out and he fell back asleep, Dean's mind began to race.

He's always been the kind of guy that either completely ignored or repressed the hell out of complicated manners in his life. First, it was his sexuality. It was years of him ignoring his attraction to men and assuring himself it was completely normal for a guy to have a crush on other guys until he finally admitted to himself that yeah, okay maybe he's not all that straight. While it was freeing to finally admit it, he was bitter for denying himself that ability to explore that aspect of his life for so long. Then there were another few years of admitting his sexuality but refusing to actually admit it out loud to anyone. When he finally told Sam just a few years ago and was met with a "yeah, I know Dean," he realized that he did it again. He deprived himself of the happiness of being his true self. He delayed his own happiness due to his own insecurities and hang-ups.

Since they literally defeated God, Dean promised himself that he was done with delaying his own happiness. It was kind of a (for lack of a better term) come-to-Jesus type of moment. He literally died multiple times in the last fifteen years alone and it wasn't until that moment that he truly realized life is short and that he should make the best of it. Of course, it's now a lot easier to do that when there's no world-ending apocalypse or imminent battle with Heaven looming overhead.

While this new outlook on life was pretty great, it has certainly complicated things. Another thing Dean repressed the hell out of was his relationship with Cas. While Cas refers to it as a 'profound bond,' or whatever, Dean has a harder time labeling it. It's obvious they have a different relationship than Cas and Sam do, but it's just so damn confusing when he allows himself to think about it.

He just wishes that Cas was a little more transparent regarding what was going on inside his mind. With time, Dean has improved at reading his minimal facial expressions. The slight upward tick of his lips showed his amusement. His signature head tilt™ meant confusion or curiosity. The furrow of his brows indicated frustration and if accompanied with the head tilt it meant he was about to smite someone. The last time Dean saw that look, it was directed at him and Sam when they may have gotten Jack just a little bit drunk. But really, they couldn't be blamed. It was the night before they took on Chuck, and they were all under the impression it was their last night on Earth. Anyone else would have done the same thing. Well, except Eileen who signed "told you he'd be mad," with a smug look on her face. But that's not the point.

Regardless, Dean had gotten quite good at reading Cas. However, there was still a lot he didn't know. Sometimes Cas would look at him with an expression that was so foreign to Dean that he had no idea how to catalogue it. And it confused the hell out of him. Sometimes the expression would be so soft that Dean would entertain the idea that maybe Cas felt the same way as Dean does. But that look would be gone as quickly as it appeared, and Dean would convince himself he was projecting.

Dean sighed as his thoughts continued to spiral, unable to stop them. Instead, a loud pounding at the front door startled him, bringing him back to the present. Cas jolted awake as the pounding continued. He had a light flush on his cheeks as he removed himself from Dean.

His hair was sticking out in every direction, reminding Dean of that night in the barn when they officially met for the first time. He  wondered what sex hair would look like on Cas, if that's just what his regular hair looks like in the morning. Dean shook his head, effectively stopping that train of thought before it could spiral out of control. The pounding continued, more incessantly this time.

"Who the hell..." Dean grumbled, forcing himself out of bed. He threw on his discarded shirt from the floor and made his way through the living room to the front door. He swung the door open and was met with Sam's annoyed expression. "What are you --"

"Jesus, Dean. Do you plan on actually working the case or are you just going to sleep all day?" Sam brushed past Dean and brushed snow off his jacket.

"What are you talking about? What time is it even?"

"Nearly nine, Dean." He said, pulling his best bitch face. "They stop serving breakfast at 10. I thought you were going to interview guests this morning."

"Well, yeah. We were just getting ready to leave, so chill." Sam looked unimpressed and walked past Dean to the bedroom. Cas was still sitting in bed, blinking away sleep with the blankets pulled around him, effectively proving Dean wrong. "Oh, you were just getting ready to leave? Then why does Cas look like he just woke up?"

"I -- don't you have an interview to prepare for?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I already had it. I start later today."

"That soon?" Cas asked, his voice gravelly and rough from sleep and oh. That sound went straight to Dean's groin.

"Yeah. They're really short staffed. From what I gathered, quite a few employees quit after the last couple went missing a few days ago. It seems like they were pretty freaked out. So now they're really short staffed and pretty desperate."

"Oh, so that's why they hired you," Dean jokes. "They're desperate."

Sam just looked unimpressed. "For the love of God, would you two just get ready and go to breakfast? We have no leads and I need you to talk to the guests. When I'm at the desk this afternoon, I'll sign you up for some activities so you can talk to more guests."

Dean opened his mouth to argue that hey, he's perfectly capable of signing up for his own activities but Sam shot him a look that stopped him in his tracks. "I'll make sure you're signed up for the bourbon tasting, if that's what you're worried about."

"I knew I could count on you, Sammy," Dean grinned. With that, Sam shook his head and headed out of the cabin.

It took equal parts pleading and the promise of coffee to coax Cas out of the warmth of the bed and out into the cold so they could make it to breakfast in time. The morning brought with it a light snowfall, so Dean had to quickly brush the Impala off before driving the short distance to the main lodge where breakfast was served.

Dean and Cas waved to Brenda as they passed the front desk and waited in line to check in at the host stand. Breakfast was served in the form of a buffet with a wide variety of items offered. Dean gave the hostess their cabin number and headed straight to the eggs and bacon. He loaded up his plate while Cas grabbed waffles and coated them with syrup and whipped cream.

"You should be grateful you married me instead of Sam," Dean declared, taking a large bite of bacon as he scanned the room for an open table. "He would have lectured you for all of the sugar you're loading up on."

Cas tilted his head, seemingly thinking that over. "Yes, I suppose you're right. I don't think Sam and I would be very compatible on a lot of fronts."

Dean, meanwhile, flushed at the possible implication that he and Cas are compatible. Cas didn't seem to notice and directed his attention towards a table where a young couple were sitting, enjoying their breakfast. "Should we sit with them? Maybe they could tell us something about the couple that went missing."

"Yeah, okay. It will also get Sam off our back for a few hours." Dean followed Cas as he approached the table.

"Mind if we join you?" Cas asked, good natured. "My husband, here, overslept this morning and it seems we arrived for breakfast at the busiest time."

Dean glared at Cas for throwing him under the bus when it was actually the other way around, but there was no heat to it. In reality, his stomach did that weird swooping thing when Cas referred to him as "his husband."

"Of course!" The young woman smiled at them over her glass of orange juice. "I'm Amy, and this is my fiancé Jake."

"Nice to meet you," Dean turned on his most charming smile. "I'm Dean, this is Cas. We just arrived last night and had no idea breakfast would be so busy."

Amy laughed and shook her head. "We experienced the same thing. We found that arriving at 8:30 is the sweet spot. It's right between the early and late risers."

"Another tip: if you arrive early enough, they have cinnamon rolls. They always run out by 8:00." Jake added.

"We'll definitely remember that. Cas has a sweet tooth, as you can tell by his side of waffles he got with his syrup." Dean joked. Cas just rolled his eyes and happily ate his sugar infused breakfast. "How long have you two been here?"

"Five days," Amy chirped. "We're getting married this summer, so we wanted to have a relaxing vacation just the two of us before things get too crazy with last minute wedding planning."

"We know how that goes. We ended up having a small wedding because the planning got to be too much work for us." Cas paused and chewed thoughtfully. "Wait - so you've been here for a few days. Does that mean you were here when that couple went missing?" Truthfully, Dean was impressed by Cas' nonchalance. While his social skills have significantly improved since becoming human, there were still times that Cas had some social awkwardness. It was endearing as hell but could make working a case a little difficult. But Cas seemed to be holding his own rather well.

Jake and Amy exchanged a look. "Yeah, we actually did a cooking class with Kevin and Raymond. They were so nice and were here on their honeymoon. No one seems to have any idea what happened."

"Did you notice anything weird?"

"No," Jake answered, furrowing his brows. "Like Amy said, they were really nice and gave us a lot of great wedding advice."

"Yeah, they weren't planning on leaving for another few days, so when they were suddenly gone it didn't make sense."

"We thought they had a family emergency and had to leave early or something, but then we heard they were actually missing. It's so sad."

"Did you do any other activities with them?"

Amy smiled wistfully. "Other than the cooking class, we only did the bourbon tasting with them. I have quite the bourbon collection at home, as did Kevin so we talked a lot about that. The tasting was the last we saw of them."

Dean nodded, and steered the conversation towards bourbon and scotch, not wanting to raise any suspicion by asking too many questions.

After finishing their breakfast, Cas grabbed a to-go cup of coffee and they meandered back outside. With the fresh snowfall, the grounds looked serene and absolutely beautiful. A blanket of untouched snow coated the ground, sparkling in the sun.

"Want to explore the grounds a little?" Dean asked. "It may be a good idea to get a good feel of the layout."

"Yeah, I'd like that." Cas smiled in return and pulled his hat over his ears. The wind wasn't biting like it was the night before, but it was still December in Minnesota meaning it was fucking cold. Dean shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and followed the path around the lodge. This led to a large staircase down to the lakeside. Christmas lights were strung along the railing and there was a bonfire roaring near the lakeside, which was tended to by a few guests. Dean and Cas slowly made their way down the staircase, breathing in the crisp fresh air and enjoying the scenery.

Cas quickly finished his coffee and tossed it in a nearby trash can. Then he shoved his hands in his jacket, unsuccessfully trying to suppress a shiver. Dean fondly rolled his eyes at him and held out his hand.

"Give me your hand." He ordered. Cas looked at him questioningly but complied, nonetheless. Dean took his hand and shoved it in his pocket with his own. "Jesus, your hand is freezing."

Now it was Cas' turn to roll his eyes. "I had to finish my coffee," he reasoned.

"We need to buy you gloves."

"I'm fine, Dean."

"No, your hand feels like ice. Sometimes you forget you're human and actually need to worry about things like that."

"That's not true."

"Sure, it is," Dean snorted. "Within your first few days of being human you were dehydrated because you forgot to drink water regularly."

"You forget to drink water regularly, Dean."

Dean paused. "Okay, you have me there. But you also wore your suit and trench coat in 90-degree heat on that case in Arizona. We were in the desert and you were wearing like 4 layers."

Cas lips turned up at the corner. "Okay, you have me there." He echoed. "To be fair, I am getting better. I now dress 'weather appropriate' as Sam puts it."

"Yes, you do. I'm just sure being human takes some getting used to. But in the meantime, you need to let Sam and I help you out." Dean squeezed Cas' hand for emphasis, which was now at a much warmer temperature.

In response Cas smiled his full, blinding smile which made Dean feel warm despite the cold. "Thanks for letting me stay with you both at the bunker."

At that, Dean felt a pang of guilt. He completely mishandled the situation last time Cas was human and that was something he would never forgive himself for. "Cas, I'm sorry for --"

"No, don't apologize. I understand why you did that. You were saving Sam's life. I didn't mean to dredge that up. I just wanted to express my gratitude for allowing me to stay with you."

"You're family, Cas. We stick together." And just like that his blinding smile was back, with a certain softness in his eyes that Dean had trouble interpreting.

They now reached the bottom of the stairs and stopped at the fire to quickly warm themselves. Dean and Cas asked the few guests milling around the fire about Raymond and Kevin, but none of them had any information about the missing couple. Half of them weren't even staying at the resort when the disappearance occurred. After making a few minutes of small talk, they said their good-byes and headed back to the Impala. The cold officially seeped through their winter layers and Dean could feel his feet turning numb.

The walk back to the car was very quick and at last Dean was starting Baby and blasting the heat. He sighed in relief as warmth fanned over his red face.

"We should probably call Sam before he arrives back for work and tell him we haven't had any luck yet."

"Yeah, good thinking," Dean agreed as he pulled out of the parking spot. Cas dug out his phone and dialed Sam's number, putting it on speaker so they could both hear.

"Hey, Cas." Sam answered cheerfully. "What's up?"

Cas dutifully explained their lack of progress on the case and the dead end with the guests. "I know we haven't spoken to more than a handful of them, but I fear it will be the same with all of the guests. What are your thoughts?"

Sam hummed in thought. "I called the local law enforcement this morning while you were at breakfast, posing as a journalist and they said the same thing -- none of the guests had any helpful information. Maybe we need to switch tactics."

"What are you thinking? Cas and I pose as agents?" Dean questioned as he turned onto the gravel road leading to their cabin.

"No, law enforcement already spoke to the resort staff and they didn't get anywhere. I doubt it would be any different with federal agents." He paused as he thought for a moment. "Maybe you two should just really lean heavily into the whole married couple thing and focus on luring whatever it is that took the other couples."

"We're already doing that," Dean responded.

"No, I know. But I mean lean into it. Act so sickeningly in love so you become the obvious target. I'll see if I can get any other information from the staff, but I think that's our best angle at this point. Like I said, I'll sign you up for some couple activities over the next few days and you just need to act like you're madly in love with each other."

"Will you sign us up for the cooking class?" Cas asked. "Jake and Amy mentioned they took that class with Raymond and Kevin before they disappeared."

"Yes, I can do that. Stop by the desk after lunch and I can give you your itinerary. But I gotta go -  I have to be at the resort in less than an hour."

"Are you sure that'll be enough time to style your hair?"

"Fuck off Dean," Sam retorted humorously. "I'll see you guys later."

Cas said goodbye and slid his phone back in his pocket.

Dean chanced a glance over at Cas as they pulled up to their cabin. His brow was furrowed and he was staring out the windshield with a faraway look on his face.

"What's on your mind, buddy?"

Cas' eyes flashed in frustration. "If we're going to make people believe this is real," He said, gesturing between them. "You should probably stop referring to me as 'buddy.' Married couples don't refer to each other as such."

"Right. Sorry." Dean chewed on his lip. Cas was right. If this plan was going to work, they would have to adjust a few aspects of their friendship, this being one of them. "That's a good point. I think we were just fine this morning, but like Sam said, we need to really lean into it. So we'll have to step up our game."

"What do you suggest, we become more physical?"

Dean flushed at the implications. "Uh -- yeah, I suppose. We could hold hands more," He suggested.

Cas nodded. "Or I could put my arm around your shoulder."

"Exactly. Just do what you see other couples doing. Really, we should be fine. Once Sam signs us up for all of the couple’s activities it will be even easier to act the part."

"What about kissing?"

"What about it?" Dean's face was flaming at this point. He shifted in the seat to get a good look at Cas.

"Should we do it? Other couples do it, and it may be odd if we don't." Cas tilted his head, studying Dean's expression. "Unless that makes you uncomfortable?"

"What? N-no, not at all." Quite the opposite, actually. "I mean -- that's fine, Cas. If it feels necessary for the case, then we can, um, kiss." Dean could not believe he was actually having this conversation. He rubbed his hand over his face, trying to get his shit together. "Just do what feels natural, alright?"

"Alright." Cas agreed.

"So, we have a few hours until we have to be back at the lodge to meet with Sam. Want to see if there’s anything good on tv?”

A big smile took over Cas' face at the suggestion and he nodded in agreement. They got out of the car and made their way inside the cabin. The fresh snow crunched under each footstep but otherwise it was silent. Once they were back inside the warmth of the cabin, Cas took off towards the bedroom and muttered something about getting a blanket while Dean collapsed onto the couch.

He turned on the television and began searching through the channels, waiting for something to catch his eye. Within seconds he heard Cas’ light footsteps in the hall. He looked up just as he came into sight. Cas had their large comforter in his hands, but Dean was distracted by what he was wearing.

"Are those my sweatpants?"

Cas looked down, almost sheepishly. "Oh. Yes. You always tell me that jeans are not proper attire for movie nights. I assume the rule applies even if it's daytime, so I changed. I didn't bring any loungewear, so I borrowed yours. Is that alright?"

He eyed the pants which hung low on Cas' hips. It left a small sliver of tan skin exposed and Dean could see the sharp line of his hip bones. He inhaled sharply and forced his eyes back to Cas' face. "Yes, Cas. That's alright."

Cas' lips turned up at the corners and he flopped onto the couch next to Dean. He pulled the large blanket over the two of them and sat just close enough that Dean could feel the heat coming off of him, but they weren’t quite touching.

Since becoming human, Cas has taken to borrowing Dean’s clothes. After Dean convinced him to try on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, Cas realized just how uncomfortable the suit and tie ensemble was. With that in mind, he began sneaking into Dean’s room and would snag a band shirt and sometimes a flannel, dressing like he’s a Winchester himself.

The first time he saw him in his clothes Dean nearly had an aneurysm. He had grown so accustomed to Cas in his suit and shapeless coat that seeing him in jeans that hugged his ass with the sleeves of his flannel rolled up his forearms was an immediate turn on. Maybe it was also the fact that they were Dean’s clothes on him that caused such a problem. Regardless, Dean abandoned his breakfast to immediately take a cold shower.

And now, seeing him in his own sweatpants that perfectly hug his ass and hang low on his hips was painfully unfair. Dean readjusted himself, ignoring the heat pooling in his gut. Now was not the time for inappropriate boners. He internally groaned and tried to focus on the nature documentary Cas put on but was unsuccessful because at that moment Cas rested his head against Dean’s shoulder and let out a little sigh of content.

This is going to be a long and tortuous week for Dean because it's just pretend.

[dalekofchaos]

How Disney/Lucasfilm failed Finn and John Boyega

A rant about my continued frustration on how Lucasfilm/Disney failed Finn and John Boyega

John Boyega’s Finn was setup as the male lead and co-protagonist of the sequel trilogy. That’s not an opinion, that’s not a headcanon, that’s a literally fact. He was set up to be equal with Rey & Kylo’s foil and we all know why that changed.

John Boyega was cast as the male and co-protagonist of the sequel trilogy by JJ Abrams, who had to fight for John Boyega to be cast against the preferred (White) casting choices.

Originally Finn(Sam in the original treatment) was white

Majority from Okiro’s twitter thread exposing Lucasfilm’s hypocrisy when it comes to representation and black history

JJ Abrams told Finn he was the new star of Star Wars

In The Force Awakens. Finn was a Stormtrooper who defected. After witnessing the death of his friend Slip and seeing the innocents being killed, Finn made the decision to save Poe Dameron and leave The First Order. Finn only wanted to leave The FIrst Order and run away. But after meeting Poe and later Rey, Finn began to care for more than himself. Finn was mentored by Han Solo. For once, he had a father figure and a positive role model as opposed to people like Hux and Phasma. He learned to care for Rey and even love her. After Starkiller Base destroyed the Hosnian System, Finn realized running was pointless and knew he had to fight. Then Kylo Ren took Rey. Finn went to The Resistance using his time on Starkiller Base to shut down the shield generator and plant the explosives on the thermal oscillator. Finn’s main focus was rescuing Rey. After Kylo force pushes Rey into a tree, Finn faces Kylo Ren. Finn learns to overcome his fears of The First Order and faces the symbolic evil that was Kylo Ren. Although Finn does not win, he puts up a good fight and was put in a coma for daring to defy Kylo. Then they bait and switched us with Rey. I’ll let you read my rant on that.

Finn was the co-protagonist of The Force Awakens, this is evident of Finn’s actions saving everyone. Finn is the very reason why the Resistance is even alive. Finn breaks his life-long brainwashing, informs Rey and Han about the importance of BB-8 and helps out in getting BB-8 to the resistance and provides vital information that lead to the destruction of STB and gets nearly killed while helping to achieve this. If it were not for Finn saving Poe, BB-8 would’ve been scrapped for parts and Rey never would’ve left Jakku. The map would either be destroyed or be in the hands of The First Order. Starkiller Base would’ve destroyed D’Qar and Ach-To. He is the reason why Poe is still alive. He is the reason why BB-8 isn’t parts and Rey left Jakku. Because of leaving Jakku, this is the sole reason why Han and Chewie were able to find the Falcon. And he is the reason why The Resistance was able to find out about Starkiller Base’s weakness. he Helps out in sabotaging STB so that Poe, the very pilot he saved in the beginning can deliver the finishing blow to Starkiller Base and destroy it completely.

There are some missed opportunity in TFA, believe me I know as I feel JJ squandered the theme of Stormtroopers rising up against their oppressors and that crack about Finn being a janitor was so tone deaf and unnecessary. 

Don’t believe me that Finn was meant to be the co-protagonist of the Sequels? Look at the marketing?

Also. Just look at the hopeful optimism and representation FInn brought to black people.

Then the racist boycotting happened. The boycott was groups of bigots who wanted the ST to be boycotted. What was the response from Lucasfilm? Zero defense of John Boyega, but their actions were transparent when they shrunk Finn on the TFA poster for fucking China’s sake, kept him off the TLJ teaser poster, and small on the official poster

I’ll let what Rian Johnson chose to do with Finn speak for itself. John Boyega has every right to hate what Rian did with his character.

By giving into the boycott and doing their best to erase and sideline John Boyega, Lucasfilm proved they would always cater to mob law if the mob was big enough. Do I have proof of this boycott against John Boyega? Yes, I do.

Also, popular Reylo blogger Jenny Nicholson’s racism against John Boyega

Reminder that Jenny Nicholson blocked a whole fuckton of Black people who even gently criticized her about how she went after John Boyega

Did Lucasfilm after The Force Awakens try to support their Black lead in any way? No. In fact, they began to erase him harder than ever to the point Fans started a hashtag #WhereIsFinn because it was getting so bad. But Bryan Young, a Lucasfilm writer, sure loved to hate on Finn

Lucasfilm was so racist, the very concept of a Black man and a white woman getting together sent them into such a frenzy Lucasfilm had to have it removed from any EU material just to make sure they kept it nice and bigot friendly. Also it’s worth noting that Alan Dean Foster was ordered by Lucasfilm/Disney to scrap any hints of Finnrey romance from the TFA novel as he believed that was the direction of the Sequels’ romance and coincidentally they did next to nothing with and we know it was racially motivated. "I expected to see that developed further in Episode VIII [The Last Jedi]," Foster said. "And zero happened with it. And we all know why zero happened with it — and there's no need to go into it in-depth — but that's, sadly, just the way things are."

It wasn’t JJ Abrams, Lawrence Kasdan or Chris Terrio who were against Finnrey. It was Disney and Lucasfilm and RIan Johnson was more than happy to separate Rey and Finn 99% of the movie(he said and did enough things to prove that he didn’t want the two characters even near each other)

Then John spoke about his frustration with how he was treated

People have tried to twist the narrative or put words in Boyega's mouths, but his GQ interview paints the picture rather clearly. He was sidelined due to his race after The Force Awakens when The Last Jedi came around with a "reordered character hierarchy" Lucasfilm's order btw

It resulted in Rey and Kylo Ren being featured prominently in both TLJ and TROS. It also resulted in Reylo being canon. Lucasfilm killed the Sequel trilogy, cause they couldn’t bare the thought of a black man in the leading role and a interracial relationship. 

If you look at TFA, you’ll realize that Finn was built up to becoming a Jedi, Kylo’s foil and Rey’s equal. Because TLJ happened, Finn’s role was reduced to a side character and JJ could not make him as prominent as he originally wanted to. EIther studio interference or TLJ screwed everything up so bad that he had to work on it slowly and just hope that Disney + would have something for Finn.

At the start of the trilogy, we all thought people of color would have a prominent role in the new trilogy, there was a potential for the first interracial relationship in Star Wars and there was a potential for the first LGBT relationship in Star Wars. But no, it’s clear that both TLJ and TROS gave us the impression that only white people can be Jedi and only white people can have epic romances and save the galaxy, people of color can only have secondary roles. And the blink and you miss it kiss? Only white women, not two men of color who clearly love each other.

Finn’s best scenes were deleted. 

Finn and the villager. it really shows why Finn chose to leave. Finn’s reasoning for leaving the First Order had nothing to do with being against violence, but a moral confliction of not wanting to hurt defenseless people. This villager wasn’t a soldier, wasn’t trying to hurt him. She was just a woman with her baby. This wasn’t war, this was murder, and Finn refused to be a murderer.

TLJ alternate opening. Opens with Finn waking up. Small change, but it would show that Finn is still a prominent character.

BB-8 shows Finn Rey’s last moment with him. BB-8 tries to cheer Finn up, but to no avail until he shows him a recording of Rey from the end of The Force Awakens - the scene she says goodbye to an unconscious Finn and kisses him on the forehead before leaving to find Luke Skywalker.

Poe gives back his sewn up jacket to Finn. In this deleted scene, Poe fills in the gaps and tries to assuage Finn about his concerns, including Finn's mixed feelings about his relationship with the Resistance. Poe then gives back the jacket that was once his and became Finn's in The Force Awakens, showing Finn that he sewed it up. This scene doesn't necessarily push forward any plot development, but should've remained as great a moment between Finn and Poe. The two characters established a wonderful chemistry and bond in The Force Awakens, and with Finn off on Canto Bight for much of The Last Jedi, fans didn't get to see as much of their relationship as expected. It's nice to see that chemistry and bond again. Finn's question about winning is also interesting in highlighting the constant uphill battle of the Resistance. Even destroying the Starkiller Base, Rey defeating Kylo Ren, and blowing up a Dreadnought can still put the Resistance in the position of fleeing. 

The elevator scene between Finn and an old Stormtrooper friend.  A Stormtrooper voiced by Tom Hardy recognizes Finn and starts talking to him. Finn starts to draw his gun, thinking the Stormtrooper has recognized him as a traitor, but it turns out the Stormtrooper is just surprised to see that FN-2187 has become an officer. The scene may go on for a bit too long, but ultimately it should've stayed in. The scene in the elevator does a great job playing with the audience's emotions, as they're unsure whether the tension will rise to the breaking point of a fight or evolve into a humorous moment. It also shows Finn using restraint by not killing a fellow Stormtrooper, unlike the other two movies.

Phasma’s alternate and BETTER death scene. WHY WAS THIS CUT????? No seriously, WHY WAS THIS FUCKING CUT????? I will never understand why this was deleted. Finn calls her out about her betrayal of lowering the shields and when this information is revealed, the Stormtroopers near her look suspicious and it looks as if they are going to turn on her. Phasma like the ultimate survivalist she is kills them with no hesitation. Finn cuts her hand off and blasts her into the abyss, giving Phasma a more deserving and better send off. Seriously, this is way better than their actual confrontation.  What I really like about this scene is its direct connection to The Force Awakens plot point and that it acknowledges Phasma's survivalist attitude which was introduced into her novel. The Phasma novel and comic portrayed her not as a First Order loyalist, but as a ruthless warrior who did whatever it took to survive. She even went so far as hunting down and doing away with those within the First Order who had knowledge of what she did at the Starkiller Base lest the truth get out. Phasma was always about self-preservation, she wasn't about preserving the First Order, but that never comes across in The Force Awakens or The Last Jedi. It only comes across in this deleted scene where Phasma chooses to end her own Stormtroopers to save herself.

Something else that bothers me. Finn’s treatment in the expanded universe. Have you ever noticed that Poe and Kylo got all the big expanded universe material and Finn is always shoved into the background or not there at all? Even worse, every form of media portrays Finn as Poe's bumbling sidekick, which is even more apparent in TROS. They were more interested in having Poe and Finn being the Abbott and Costello of the ST instead of letting Finn going from Stormtrooper to Jedi and lead a Stormtrooper Rebellion.

In the journey to TROS, Finn is not featured in ANY of the novels or graphic novels for the Journey to TROS. When he was, he was used as Poe’s sidekick and not featured anywhere with Rey. Before the release of the movie, he is not featured whatsoever in any shape or form in marketing. We get to see him in two teasers but he says nothing. His new outfit looks awesome. Finn could’ve been used to rise as a Jedi with Rey and essentially be the Skywalkers that Rise and face Kylo and Palpatine together. If not that, Finn could’ve caused a Stormtrooper Rebellion that burns The First Order from the inside out. Instead of any of that, it Finn was given nothing for this movie. He doesn’t even get to face Kylo Ren, their rivalry as foils was completely dropped. That is sad and heartbreaking.

Seriously, there is no novelizations or comics that expand on Finn’s time in The First Order. Sure, there is Before The Awakening. But consider this. Finn was their best Stormtrooper, so good that Hux considered him Captain material.

There is so much potential with Finn in the Expanded Universe. Apply all the posts I’ve linked and more.

The Poe Dameron comics were not about Poe’s life, they were about his personality, skills, character, and the Resistance. So I ask, why can’t/couldn’t the same have been done with Finn pre TFA? A comic series exploring his character while world building the First Order.

There is so much to tell. You could start with Finn vividly remembering his family and how he was abducted and recruited for the FN Corps.

You could even show the ruthlessness of The First Order by showing initiation for the FN Corps is only granted by forcing the children to kill each other in a Hunger Games/Battle Royale to see who the strongest and who deserves to be welcomed to the First Order. This would be in separate groups of the children who are abducted to determine who gets to be put in the FN Corps. We could see Phasma returning to the room, only to see a young Finn covered in blood and dried up tears. Phasma will only say “Welcome to The First Order, FN-2187.”

Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how Finn, a brainwashed soldier broke free of his mental conditioning, learned the truth of the FO yet still tried to be a good soldier. It could flesh out his relationship with the squad he led, as well as Phasma and Hux.

It could’ve also showcased the brotherhood and friendship Finn had with  FN-2199 (“Nines”), FN-2000 (“Zeroes”), and FN-2003 (“Slip”).

The biggest thing it could do is finally show Finn’s skills as a soldier, his brains, while giving so much needed world building First Order. We could also finally show what it’s like as a FO stormtrooper from a sympathetic POV.

Through the avenue of a Finn comic series you could also flesh out Hux, Phasma, Nines, Zeroes, Slip, and even characters like Kylo and Snoke. It doesn’t have to cover spoilers, just make the one note more dimensional while giving Finn so overdue respectful content

It could end with everyone asking Finn “what was the moment you decided to leave” which then we would see the TFA deleted scene of Finn in the village 

It could end on Finn saying "I was raised to do one thing, I used to think I’ve got nothing to fight for, but now I have something worth fighting for.“

And afterwards. You could show Finn and Jannah working together to liberating the other Stormtroopers. The first person they rescue? Zeroes, FInn’s last surviving Squad Member and together they awaken and liberate their brothers and sisters and all the while Finn rises up and becomes a Jedi!

For those wondering what about Finn in TROS? I’ll let this video do all the talking

I’d also like to point out. Finnrey WAS going to happen in TROS. Here’s confirmation by Jedipaxis, the main reddit leaker, who was right about everything before the films release, confirmed that Finn’s “i never told you” line was supposed to have some payoff and it was going to end with finn and rey holding hands. could this pic have been of the alternate ending? then reshoots happened and we got the Reylo kiss

I’m convinced that John Boyega was told by the higher ups to say Finn was meant to say he was “Force Sensitive” no one who is about to die would “always want to tell you” they were force sensitive. 

Hell, even in the original Episode IX by Colin Trevorrow. Duel Of Fates. Finn was given the shaft again. For some unknown reason, Rey is paired with Poe, a character who barely interacts with Rey at all. Finn was given another sidequest to do. The only brightside for Finn is he participates in retaking Corruscant and a Stormtrooper Rebellion near the end. 

Finn, who was once held in prominence as the co-protagonist alongside Rey. Was erased from how prominent he once was and reduced to a sidecharacter due to China and fanbacklash that there was going to be a black lead in Star Wars. Disney caved in to the racist backlash and caved into China’s racist demands. 

Finn deserved to be a main character alongside Rey, while Kylo Ren is their villain. He deserved a good character development, a great arc, an interesting backstory. he had the potential to become one of the most epic star wars characters. TLJ and TROS was an insult for him and he deserved better. nobody will EVER change my mind.

Finn should’ve been a Stormtrooper turned Jedi who embraced the light, while Kylo Ren who was the Skywalker who rejected the light and embraced the dark. Rey should’ve been Luke’s daughter, while Finn is the Jedi who builds himself up from being a Stormtrooper from nowhere to Jedi and together Rey and Finn stop Kylo Ren and bring down The First Order and rebuild The Jedi!

Finn should have been a Stormtrooper turned Jedi.  It doesn’t matter that you think it tells a better story for him to not be a Jedi. “Finn being a hero who is not a Jedi is important.” Poe and Rose are great examples of ordinary heroes coming from nowhere. Rey was supposed to be a jedi related to Skywalker or Kenobi legacy while Finn was the perfect “nobody from nowhere” that becomes a Jedi. And honestly, Black kids deserved to see themselves in the Black Jedi and black kids deserved to see themselves as one of the three protagonists of the trilogy.

Finn got no last name No theme Was sidelined in the trilogy Had his scenes cut Mocked by Lucasfilm employees Racially harassed by bigots and media outlets Disney used while staying silent and then Disney has the nerve to say they “stand” with John Boyega during the BLM movement and celebrated Finn during black history month despite squandering him....

Finn deserved better, period!

[cellophanejpeg]

dancing with our hands tied || pt. i

Pairing: Marcus Pike x female!reader

Summary: Marcus is your boss and you really enjoy working with him. But a work trip to the west coast makes him visit the past and you realize not only you like him, but you’re deeply in love with him. The only problem is that you both work together and it would never work. Or so you think.

a/n: so basically i had to split this bad boy in two cause i was writing a whole damn the mentalist episode. all you need to know is: i know nothing about how the FBI works or how crimes are solved, so i made it all up. deeply sorry if i offend any fbi agents that could be here?? if you don’t watch the mentalist, basically patrick jane is an asshole that can read people’s body language and points them out in public. that’s really all you need to know, it’s a dumb show tbh. also, this contains detective work and law enforcement, which, during times like this, i would understand if you don’t want to read this. don’t forget to donate to the black lives matter movement and sign petitions against police brutality. i’ve reblogged a variety of posts with link for donations and petitions, they're under the tag #blm resources.

Warnings: mutual pining, some angst, a pinch of fake dating

Word count: 6.7k (and there’s more coming)

part ii | MASTERLIST

The badge around your neck swings as you run and you have to hold it in place. The streets of L.A. are full of curious eyes, gathered behind the yellow tape; you check your phone one more time and sigh. No messages, no missing calls. It’s not like him, you know something’s up.

When you show your ID to the police officer that’s in charge of controlling the people, he lets you duck under the tape and approach the other agents already in the scene. You exhale, panting from your run as you introduce yourself.

“I’m with the FBI,” You tell them after stating your name. They all eye you like you’re from another dimension.

“What’s the FBI’s interest in all this?” Asks a red haired agent whose name you don’t know.

You take a look at the corpse on the ground. “‘Cause this is our guy.”

Crouching next to the lifeless body, you take a pair of latex gloves from the pocket of your jacket and put them on; with gentle fingers you tilt the dead’s head sideways so you can look for a specific mark behind his ear.

"Yep," You tilt the man's head for everyone to see a burning scar on the shape of an eye. "The Crystal Eyes gang.” You take the man’s hand to show the pinky finger ring the gang members wear, but it’s missing. Furrowing your brows you notice the tan line on his finger, where the ring should be.

The only man who actually smiles at your statement is the blond, blue-eyed guy. The rest of the agents sigh and roll her eyes, and you frown already irritated. First, your partner doesn’t show to a crime scene of a case he’s the head of, then these CBI agents are clearly not your fans.

The woman who seemed to be the boss rolls her eyes at the man and looks at your direction. Her blue eyes darting to you with anger and you’re not sure if it’s directed at you or the man with the arrogant smile. When she speaks, her voice is demanding, like she’s also your boss. “Are you leading this case on your own? Where is your partner?”

It takes everything in you not to tell her to fuck off. “He’s–” You swallow. “Coming.” You stand, looking away as you take off the gloves and discard them. Taking another look at your phone, you sigh in disappointment when you see nothing. Fucking hell, he’s not coming. What an idiot. “So, this guy’s name is–”

“You’re lying.” A voice interrupted you. It’s the man with the arrogant smile. “He’s not coming, is he?” You watch the way he smiles at you. “You keep checking your phone and the way you looked away when you talked tells us you’re either waiting for someone’s call or you’re checking to see if something happened to him.”

Fuck. How does he know all that? Were you that transparent or are you just a bad liar?

“I’m sorry, what’s your name?” You ask him, shoving your hands in the pockets of your FBI jacket.

“Jane.” He smiles, showing you an ID card that has a picture of him above the name ‘Patrick Jane’. “Consultant.”

Nodding slowly, you frown at him. “Jane.” You tilt your head as you speak. “He’s coming, don’t worry. If he doesn’t arrive, he must have a great, great excuse for his absence. Either way it doesn’t concern you. What you do need to know is that him and I are after this gang for about a year now, and this is the first lead we have in three months. We’re more than capable of handling this.”

“Clearly not, if your partner is not even here,” The boss says. You exhale sharply. You were going to kill your partner.

“Listen, Agent…”

“Lisbon.”

“Agent Lisbon,” You repeat her name. “I know it’s hard to see a case being taken from your team, and I’m sorry about this, but– You gotta let me do my job.”

Lisbon sighs, crossing her arms “What do they do? The gang. Do they sell drugs? They kill people? Maybe there’s something we can help you with.”

“Well, I’m with the art squad so…” You pause. “They steal art.”

You watch as all the agents look at their boss and an awkward silence tenses the air. Lisbon widen her eyes and then looks away from you, clearing her throat. It’s like their own unspoken thing.

“Art?” Patrick says, amused. “From where?”

The way he says it makes it look like a joke and you’re not sure if he’s mocking you or not.

“Art galleries, museums, you pick.” You shrug, crossing your arms in a defensive manner. “They see a place with an expensive art piece? They steal. It could even be a rich man’s living room. When it comes to Crystal Eyes, they don’t give a fuck.”

Silence hangs in the air and you could hear a pin drop, even out here in the open. Finally, red haired woman, Van Pelt clears her throat, alleviating a bit of the tension you still don’t know why it’s there.

“And, uh–” She swallows. “These robberies involve killing other people or…?”

“No, they usually use a stealth strategy.” You almost sigh, relieved for the broken silence. “Although, one time, they killed an old man at his own mansion when the robbery didn’t go as planned. I don’t believe this an accident, though.”

“Interesting,” Jane mumbled. “Hey, do you happen to know an Agent–”

“We’re done here!” Lisbon interrupts him and starts walking away. You watch her give him a look only a wife would give to her husband. Quickly glancing at their hands, you notice they use the same ring on the same finger.

Of course they’re married.

Lisbon says your name, getting your attention again and nods at you. “He’s all yours. Have fun.”

And with that, her and her team walk away from the scene. Sighing, you check your phone one last time. Still, no messages, no missing calls, not even a text. Nothing. Gritting your teeth, you shake your head.

“Godammint, Pike.”

…

You and your team had been in California literally for half a day before the call for the dead guy came in. It’s the first lead you all have on this gang in three months, so as soon as one of the informants let you know one of the leader were in L.A., you all flew to the west coast and based yourselves in one of the FBI quarters.

As soon as you walk in the big room, you see Marcus’ sitting at his desk, typing something on a computer that looks like it hasn’t been used since the 90’s.

“Pike!” You exclaim, getting his attention. His face changes from focused, to confused, to a tired look in a matter of seconds. Strolling towards him, you watch as he leans back on his chair. “Three years I’ve been working with you and you’ve never pulled a stunt like this!” You slam your hand on his desk, making everyone around you jump, except from him. “If you wanted me to look like an idiot in front of the CBI guys, well, you did it!”

He raises his hands in defense and says your name, the low baritone of his voice is enough to send shivers down your spine, but not right now. Not today, when you’re angry at him like this.

“Oh, please, do tell,” You grunt, shifting the weight of your body to one leg as you cross your arms. “I’m eager to know why you didn’t show in such an important crime scene, leaving me alone to deal with them.”

Marcus gaped at you for a second and then sighed softly. “I got stuck in the traffic.”

You roll your eyes. “Bullshit. I was miles away and managed to get there before forensics.”

He stared at you for a moment and then sighed. “I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry.”

“Well, let this be the first and last time.” You warned him, pointing a finger to him.

“May I remind you I’m your boss, Agent?” He gives you a teasing smile, leaning back on the chair.

You sigh shaking your head. “Yeah, you seem to forget that sometimes.”

His eyes left yours and you felt a pang of sorrow for him, not knowing exactly why. You and Marcus have always had a love-hate relationship. Even though he's technically your boss, you've always treated him like equal. Yelling at him in front of colleagues wasn't a new thing, and to be honest, he’s already used to it. Shaking your head, you stroll over to the furthest desk and sit down, claiming the spot as yours for the time you stay in L.A.

Marcus Pike is an excellent agent. He’s dedicated and hardworking and a damn good boss. The man was born to lead, the passion he has for his job impresses you. Ever since you’ve joined the squad, you’ve been assigned with him as your partner. Back then, everyone told you how lucky you were to be working beside him. Three years later, you still feel lucky to work to have him as your partner. Just not today.

Needless to say, you have a mild crush on him. When you first met him, your first thought was that he was incredibly handsome. And then you were gradually being acquainted with his work style, with the way he worked hard, so your feelings for him just grew stronger over the time. You’ve become closer him over the course of the years and you know him just as well as he knows you. Which is why you just snapped at him. He’d never allow such thing if any other member of the squad talked to him like you did.

Little do you know that Marcus is harvesting a crush on you too. It’s been a while since the feelings had started to make its way to his heart. He’s not sure when it started, but he knows it’s there. He feels it every time you smile and laugh at one of his jokes. He feels it every time you come up with a lead, every time you arrest a criminal. He feels it when he sees you wearing the FBI jacket, looking so pretty with your hair in a low bun or in a ponytail. Hell, he feels it when you’re mad at him.

Marcus glances at you, from his claimed desk and sees you looking at the computer screen, forehead creased in concentration as you filled in the report from the crime scene. Sighing, he looks back at his own computer, feeling his heart sink. Three years you’ve been working together and not once you showed up with a boyfriend. Claiming your job was more important to you at the moment, you just stated that you have no time for relationships. You want to focus on your career, make a name for yourself.

Which is why you and him would never work.

The clock ticked slowly that morning as you all put the leads together to find out who killed the man of the gang. His name was Liam Dixon and he had a big name in the gang, his picture pinned on the cork board from your office back in New York for months. And now, he just drops dead. During a briefing, someone suggested it might have been an accident, a mugging that went wrong, but you know it’s more than that. Saying that the only thing that has been missing from the body was the ring, you argued that it could be either personal or a gang conflict that went wrong. Marcus agreed with you. The orientation he gave everyone is look into police calls for stolen art recently in L.A. That way, you can all have a hint where the gang is acting.

When lunch time arrives, you sigh as you check your phone and stand from your desk. Organizing your desk, you pick up the post-it notes and empty coffee cups and throw them in the trash, when you see a figure approaching you.

“Let me make it up to you,” Pike says, leaning his hand on your desk. “I know a good place where we can have lunch.”

…

Going on lunch breaks with him isn’t unfamiliar to you, but you’re still upset at him, so you order a salad and eat in silence as he eats his own meal too.

“How was the crime scene?” He tries to make conversation.

“You’d know if you were there.” The words come out too fast from your lips and you quickly shoot him an apologetic look.

“You’re still upset?”

Waving a hand at him, you shook your head. “I’m just being petty.” You swallow your food. “The scene was packed, lot of curious eyes. I got there and the CBI guys were in the scene.”

He nods, considering his next words. “Is Patrick Jane still a part of the CBI team?”

“The consultant?” Your voice gives a hint of surprise. “Yeah, he was there. Kinda weird guy if you ask me.”

Pike laughs softly, shaking his head. “Don’t let your guard down near him. He’ll read you like an open book.”

“What do you mean?” You take a sip of your water, eyeing him.

“He’s… Very observant,” He explains. “He’s good at reading people and he has no filter. If something is bothering you, he will let everyone know.”

“Huh.” You smile. “What a weirdo.”

Silence hangs in the air as you both eat. A comfortable silence, a good one.

“Did you meet Lisbon?” He asks, suddenly.

Frowning at him, you nod, biting a piece of broccoli. “Yeah, do you know her?”

Marcus sighs, drinking the rest of his water. Something in his demeanor tells you he’s… Sad, maybe? His eyelids drop to his plate and his shoulders slump as he hangs his head low. You’ve been coexisting with him long enough to tell he’s not okay. Then, a thought occurs to you.

“She’s the ex, isn’t she?” You ask, quietly. He looks up at her and nods, his expression changing, covering the trace of sadness from his face.

Marcus had told you about an ex who left him for another man during one of your stakeouts together. It broke your heart to know that a man like him, so sweet and hardworking, was left twice by women who didn’t appreciate him. You told him that they it was their loss and, after he laughed at your corny attempt at comforting him, you said that if they didn’t leave him, you’ve had never met him. That night, he looked at you like you were the light of his life. Every time you remember, you feel butterflies on your stomach and smile to yourself.

It was nearly two years ago.

And it’s not like Marcus is not over Lisbon, after all it’s been five years since the breakup. But he’s still not ready to face her. Not again. Not after the last time he saw her with Jane and felt his heart bleed. He just doesn’t want to get hurt again.

“How is–” He clears his throat. “How is she?”

“Fat.” You shake your head, grimacing at him. “Her hair was all over the place, pimples on her skin, bad breath, lettuce on her teeth–”

Marcus lets out a laugh, shaking his head. It’s the kind of laugh that makes him throw his head back and wrinkle the corner of his eyes, and, god, his smile is beautiful. He laughs genuinely and you know that, because you've heard it before. You hear it when you are in stakeouts together and you'd crack a joke he'd really liked. You hear it in birthday parties of the members of the squad, when he’s tipsy and drunk happy. You hear it when you make your snarky remarks at the perks you arrest. You could watch him laugh for hours and you would never get tired of the view, of the sound of it. It makes your stomach churn with pleasure to know that you’re the one who provoked this laugh on him. As he wipes the corners of his eyes, you smile at him, laughing softly.

“Nice try, but–” He laughs. “Thanks.”

You just shrug, shaking your head. “Is that why you didn’t go to the crime scene?”

Pike’s smile fades away and you regret the question when you see the expression he gives you. Something tells you to take it back, to apologize and leave it like that, but if he didn’t want to face her… Then, maybe, he still has feelings for her. And the thought, somehow, hurts you.

“Yeah, I, uh–” He swallows. “I don’t think I’m ready to face her again.”

“Oh.” Is all you say.

After finishing your lunch, you both pay the bill and leave the restaurant. The thick, awkward silence grows heavy between the two of you as you both walk together back to the quarters. You want to speak, but you don’t know how to comfort him, how to make him feel better. And then a different voice calls his name.

“Marcus?”

You both stop walking and turn around. Lisbon and Jane, hands laced together, are staring at the both of you. Marcus’s heart almost stop at the sight, his breath get caught on his throat as he widens his eyes.

“Teresa,” He replies, a surprised tone in his voice, eyeing Jane and nodding at him. “Patrick.”

“I see you kept the, uh–” Jane points at his own face to indicate a beard. “The look.”

Marcus nods at him, but doesn’t respond. You nod shortly at Patrick and glance at Lisbon.

“How– How are you?” She asks, looking right into his eyes. A shot of jealousy hits your heart, and you swallow hard trying to push the feeling away.

“Good,” Marcus answer, smiling. “You?”

“Good.” She smiles at him and you have to look away. Pursing your lips, you discreetly take a deep breath and cross your arms.

This woman had Marcus wrapped around her finger and really discarded him when she decided she didn’t want him. She played with his feelings until she got tired and left, not knowing she had a great man who was in love with her and was willing to do anything for her. She doesn’t know how lucky she was for having him. The anger sets in your chest faster than expected as they make small talk, but you don’t listen to them. You can’t, or you’ll explode with anger. It’s Jane’s voice that pulls you out of you thoughts.

“You’re jealous.” His voice is directed to you and both of them stop talking to look at you.

“What?” You frown in confusion.

“Your lips.” He points to his own lips as he talks. “They’re pursed together. You’re crossing your arms to shield yourself, and you have this… Sour expression on your face.”

Widening your eyes, you look at Pike but he’s just as surprised as you are.

“You have feelings for Agent Pike and you’re jealous that he’s giving attention to his ex girlfriend.” Jane smiled triumphant. You gape, feeling your heart speed, and the heat on your cheeks as you look at him surprised. Lisbon shoots a look at Jane as if she’s saying stop reading people without their permission. Your eyes are focused on the ground, knowing that if you look at Pike, it'll be game over.

"Of course she has feelings for me." Pike laughs softly after a short awkward pause. You shoot a look at him, a frown in your brow, confused as hell. "She's my girlfriend."

A silent pause hangs between all of them. Agent Lisbon frowns deeply, widening her eyes to the both of you. Jane's smile fades away. Pike's smile grows wider. And you… You just look at him in shock, thinking about how quickly he thought of the lie. It's unnecessary to lie, there's no point in telling the CBI that you were together, except–

He wanted to impress Lisbon. Of course.

Trying to conceal your emotions from Jane, cause he'd know if you're lying, you smile at the couple and laugh softly. Marcus approaches you and lays his palm flat on your lower back. A touch that makes you tense and melt at the same time. The warmth of his hand gives you some comfort and, despite everything going on, it's a comfort you needed for a really long time.

"We're trying to keep it a secret, for now." The words roll off easily from your lips and when you see, you're already wrapping an arm around his torso, smiling as brightly as you can. "Because we're coworkers, and we don't know how the squad would react." And then, with a playful tone, you look at Pike. "But someone can't keep his mouth shut."

Marcus laughs, shaking his head. A fake laugh.

"I just can't contain myself." He leans towards you to press his lips on the crown of your head. “I’m too happy with you.”

It shouldn’t make your heart jump, but it does. You look up at him and give him a real smile this time, your eyes softening as a light breath leaves your lips. He looks at you and notices it, slightly tilting his head like a confused puppy, reading your expression too well. Your smile fades for a moment as you look away, but the fake smile returns when you look at Patrick.

“Oh,” He says, looking a little too disappointed.

“We have to go,” You tell them, smiling. “We got a gang to catch.”

As soon as you both are out of their sight, you let go of each other. The walk back to the quarters is silent and awkward and you have to put an effort to not blush the entire way. Pike warned you, the man is good at reading people. And he really has no filter at all. You just hope that your partner thinks Jane is wrong, you can’t afford him knowing about your feelings for him.

When you reach the doors to the quarters, he calls your name, stopping by the steps. Looking back at him, you see him, with his hands on his hips and his eyes on the floor. You swallow, feeling your heart speed up.

“About what Jane said–”

“He was wrong.” You’re quick to interrupt. Marcus’ eyes dart up to you and you have to stop yourself from sighing.

“He’s never wrong.” His voice is soft and there’s a hint of something in his eyes. It’s something sparkly, like– Like hope. You have to look away, pushing the feeling away as you shove your hands in the pockets of your jacket.

“Well, he was,” You tell him, and when he says your first name, “We’re coworkers. Don’t worry, I don’t have feelings for you.”

With that, you turn your back to him and enters the quarters, the lie still burning your throat. Heading straight to the bathroom, you feel your eyes watering. By the time you lock the door, they run down your cheeks and you sob. You didn’t know why it hurt so much to lie to him, but it does.

You’re really into him, aren’t you?

…

Another member of the gang was murdered. Frederick Hale, second to leader of the Crystal Eye, was found dead by gunshot wounds almost in the same street Liam Dixon was found. When you and Pike got the crime scene to identify the body, forensics were almost done with everything.

“That doesn’t make sense,” You say, gripping you tea mug on the table. During the briefing, your brain is working like a machine, trying to figure out why the member of the gang were dropping like flies.

“Could be a coincidence.” Russell suggested, shrugging.

“It could be, but two members in the same day?” You argue.

“It’s not a coincidence,” Pike tells everyone. “Ballistics came through. Liam and Frederick were killed by the same gun.”

It doesn’t surprise you. You knew it was too good to be a coincidence.

“So, someone is definitely taking them out.” You nod.

“Maybe they both fucked up, and the man was mad about it.” Davis shrugs.

“No, it’s not like Yosef,” Pike says, sitting down and crossing his arms. The shirt tightens around his arms and you look away quickly, not letting the horny thoughts distract you from the investigation. “He doesn’t eliminate his members like that.”

“What if someone’s infiltrated in the gang?” You bite your thumbnail, like you always do, a habit Marcus noticed you did in the first week of working with you. You do it when you’re concentrated, thinking of something important.

“Like an informant?” He asks, looking at you. You don’t meet his gaze.

“No, no. Like– Someone who joined it with the specific purpose of killing them?”

“Like an avenger?” Davis scoffs and you shoot an angry look at him.

“Yeah,” Pike says, nodding. “I thought the same thing.”

Finally, finally you look at him. He gives you an assuring look as he's saying I agree with you and I have your back at the same time. That’s a thing you like about him. The way you both communicate without words. You open your mouth to agree, but his phone rings before you make a word out. He picks it up, dismissing you all with a wave of his hand and you sigh, standing up and walking to your desk.

You only get to turn the computer screen before Marcus makes a quick beeline for you and asks if he could talk to you for a moment. Outside. Feeling your stomach churning, you nod, knowing something is wrong. Following him to the back patio of the building, you take a couple of deep breaths, preparing yourself for whatever is coming. When you both are in a safe distance from the other members of the squad, he turns to you and sighs.

“That was Jane on the phone.” He explains, quickly.

A frown is on your forehead. “Jane? Patrick Jane?”

“Yeah.” He breathes, wetting his lips with his tongue and exhaling softly. “He invited us to a double date.”

A laugh escapes your lips and you smile, thinking it’s a joke. “A double date with who?”

His face is serious when he answers. “You and me, him and Teresa.”

The smile falls from your face and you tilt your head, knowing there’s more to it. “And you said no, right?”

Marcus’ gaze is on the floor as he avoids the question by staying in silence.

“Pike.” You insist. “Tell me you said no.” No answer. “Please, tell you said we’re going to be busy or that we had plans already.

You wait for his answer until he finally looks at you again. “I said yes.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you close your eyes and sigh deeply. Marcus bites his bottom lip, eagerly waiting for an answer, leg bouncing in anxiety.

“Why?” You ask, eyes still closed.

“I-I– I just–”

“Is this about Teresa?” You interrupt him before he could think of what to say. “Is this you trying to prove a point to her?”

“No!” He answers too quickly and you narrow your eyes at him. “Y-you know I can’t lie to Jane, he’ll know if I do!”

“Not even on the phone?!” You argue.

“Trust me, he’d know.”

Looking away, you sigh, crossing your arms. Marcus knows he’s putting you in a difficult position and the truth is that he doesn’t actually know why he said yes to the date. Maybe he just wishes he could go out with you and, knowing you would refuse his invitation if it was a normal situation, he accepted to continue to lie to Teresa and Patrick just to go out with you.

“Fine.” You finally answer. “When?”

“Tonight, eight o’clock.”

Sighing, once more, you nod. “Okay. But his ends tonight. No more lies. We’re here to work.”

He raises his hands in defense. “I promise, boss.”

“Fuck.” You mumble, walking away from him and ignoring the teasing nickname,

This is bullshit.

 …

Why this had to happen?

You look at yourself in the mirror for the hundredth time. The hotel room is a mess, clothes all scattered around the floor and bed. You didn’t bring any date clothes. Not even a casual dress. Not even a formal dress. You weren’t counting on going on a fucking date with a fake boyfriend.

The only formal set of clothes you bring is a plaid gray skirt, with length just above the knees, and a blazer in the same color and pattern. You put it in your suitcase just in case you’d have to attend an audience or be in the presence of a judge. Pairing it with a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of your usual office heels – black stiletto heels with a pointed toe – you decided this is the outfit.

Many times you imagined what your first date with Marcus would be. Your imagination liked to go far, from movie dates to fancy dinners, after all, it doesn’t hurt to think, right? But you never, ever imagined it would be like this. Faking a relationship to impress his ex. It kinda hurts, you realize, being a pawn to his game. But, deep down, you were dying for an excuse to go out with him. Even if it might be unprofessional. You just wish it would be you and him only.

A soft knock on your door announces he’s ready. You check your makeup and adjust your hair quickly, before walking to the door. You open it to a see a very handsome Marcus Pike standing at your door. He’s wearing a black suit and tie, like he usually does at work, but something is different. He’s neater, his hair is combed in place and his beard is trimmed and… Is he wearing cologne? The smell invades your nostrils and intoxicates you quickly, in a good way.

“Should I have shaved?” He asks, when you don’t speak. You blink, returning to the real world.

“No.” You shake your head, smiling. “You look– You look great.”

A shy smile curves the corners of his lips. “You too.”

You wave a hand at him, grabbing your clutch bag and closing the door behind you.

“I didn’t bring anything fancy, so…” You try to explain yourself.

“No, no, you look–” He hesitates. “You look beautiful.”

Feeling your cheeks warm, you look away from him, clearing your throat. Marcus is still amazed by you, looking so different tonight. Your hair is down and he fights the urge to run his fingers through it. In the three years he’s known you, he tries to think when he ever saw you with your hair down and he can’t. This might be the first time.

“Shall we?” You pull him out of his thoughts. He nods, and offers his arm for you to hook yours in it. You feel nervous, but for some reason, there’s a good feeling settled in your stomach.

Soft classical music reaches your ears as you enter the fancy restaurant, Marcus following right behind you, his hand hovering your lower back. As soon as you enter, a receptionist smiles and asks for your names.

“Yeah, we’re under the name Jane,” Marcus says, nodding once at her. She checks a list and tells you both to follow her.

She guides you both to an empty table and, for a moment, you think maybe they’re late, until you realize it’s a table for two. Your stomach drops and you swallow, frowning confused at the lady. Marcus laughs softly and shakes his head.

“No, there must be a mistake,” He says.

The receptionist frowns and checks the list again. “It says here you’ve reserved a table for two, Mister Jane.”

Marcus gapes at her as she walks away leaving you two behind. A waiter is politely waiting for you both to sit down at the table to hand you the menu, but you just look at each other, mouths hanged open.

“Maybe–” You say, swallowing hard. “Maybe we’re at the wrong restaurant.”

“No, he did this.” He whispers to you as you look at him, confused. “He set us up.”

A scoff leaves his throat as you look at him, pale and shaking. Does that mean you’re on an actual date… With Marcus Pike?

“What do we do now?” You ask, holding your clutch bag tightly with your hands.

“Well, we have two options. We can leave, and that’s okay if you want to.” He looks you in the eyes, leaning slightly towards you in honesty. “Or we can have dinner.”

The look you give him is one he can decipher. He can’t tell if you’re offended by the proposition or just thinking about it. Deep down he’s hoping you say yes, hoping you’d have dinner with him, just you and him. Then, a shy smile curves the corners of your lips and you shrug.

“Okay,” You tell him. “Since I’ve put on makeup and got all dressed up.”

He smiles at you and walks to the table to pull the chair for you to sit on. As the waiter hands you the menu and Marcus sits down in front of you, you try to calm down your nerves and try not to think you’re in an actual date with Agent Pike aka your boss. You order white wine and him Whiskey. After the waiter leaves, a moment of silence hangs between the both of you until you laugh nervously.

“I gotta admit,” You say, laughing. “Going on a date with my boss is kinda… Weird.”

Marcus stares at you for a few seconds and you wonder if saying the d-word was a bad move. But then he smiles, looking down at the menu and shaking his head.

“Just… Don’t think of me as Agent Pike. Tonight I’m just Marcus.”

“Marcus.” You repeat his name and nod. “Okay, Marcus… So what do you do for fun?”

Marcus breath almost hitches at the way you say his name and he imagines a thousand scenarios where you say his name like that. He clears his throat and swallows, closing the menu and looking at you.

“You know, the usual,” He answers. “Drink beer, watch TV.”

You smile, raising your eyebrows. “That’s all?” You tease. “You’re going to tell me Agent Marcus Pike doesn’t have a hobby?”

“C’mon.” He laughs. “You know which are my hobbies. You’ve known me for years.”

“Hmm, yes.” You smile. “But you said you’re Marcus tonight and I’m just trying to get to know you.”

Marcus looked at you with warmth in his eyes. A certain look that makes your stomach churn in pleasure, your heart speed and your cheeks warm. It’s something different. Perhaps the first time you look at his eyes like this in three years of knowing him.

“Alright,” He finally says. “My hobbies include watching TV, cooking and martial arts.”

A frown grows between your brows as you look at him surprised. “Cooking? I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, well, I decided to give it a try last month.” He shrugs and waits for the waiter to serve their drink before continuing talking. “I keep burning water, I don’t know why I even try.”

A laugh escapes your lips. A genuine laugh. “That bad, huh?” You take a sip of the wine as you watch him nod. “You just practice. I can teach you some recipes if you want. My mom tells me I’m an excellent cook.”

“Yeah, maybe you should.” He gives you that look again and you clear your throat, playing with the stem of your glass of wine. Marcus’ fingers slowly approach yours, barely grazing at your skin before pulling away at the sound of the waiter’s voice asking if you were ready to order.

Marcus orders the special stake and you the mushroom cream soup. The food is good, tasty, but you really wished you could have something simpler. You didn’t mind, as long as you’re with him. The night goes by with laughter, talk about your personal lives and stolen looks from each other. By dessert, you both were buzzed off by the alcohol and kept laughing at everything.

“Wait, you threw up on her?” You ask, a wide smile on your face as Marcus tells you a story about his very first date, where he got too drunk and everything went wrong.

“On her shoes!” He replies, burying his face on his hands.

“Oh my god!” You put a hand on your mouth to muffle a laugh.

“I was seventeen, okay?” He argues, laughing too.

Wiping a tear from the corner of your eyes, you sigh, feeling your face warm. You both fall into a comfortable silence as Marcus reaches for your hands on the table. Your fingers touch his and you feel the warmth of his body sending shivers down your spine. You realize you want to hold his hand forever, the feeling of his rough palm on yours is comforting to you.

“I’m having a great time.” He confesses, a closed-lipped smile on his face. An involuntary smile curves your lips too, letting the feeling take over you.

“Me too.” Your voice is small, shy. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.” He agrees and fall in silence again.

Suddenly, an urge to tell him how you feel hits you. It may be the alcohol, but you can’t shake off the thoughts of confessing your feelings to him from your mind. You shouldn’t do it, not even your drunk self knows it. But the pain of yearning for a man, a good man, and not being reciprocated hits you and you don’t like the feeling.

“It’s getting late.” You whisper instead and he nods, asking for the check. He insists on paying, despite your protests.

The cab ride back to the hotel is silent and he’s not touching you anymore, but you wished he was. You wished he reached out for your hand, laced them together and pressed his lips on your skin. You wished this night never ended, you wished you would never let him go. The buzz of the alcohol is already faded when you both arrive at your hotel room, pulling the keycard from your wallet. Marcus walks with you and you look at him, smiling.

“So that was fun,” You say, biting your bottom lip.

“It was.” He smiles back. “We should do it again some time.”

Your heart skips a beat at small offer and all you can do is nod and smile. God, you really want to kiss him. You really want to kiss that stupid face, wipe off that stupid grin and pull him to your room. Licking your lips, your eyes set on his and he seems to notice because he licks his own lips, making your breath hitch.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” He says, looking right into your eyes.

And you should say no. You should draw the line, tell him you work together and that would be inappropriate. But instead you say,

“Okay.”

And then his lips gently press into yours as you close your eyes. The air escapes from your lungs as you reach for his neck, pulling him closer, his own hands cup your cheeks, kissing you tenderly. It feels amazing. The sensations his lips give you are beyond your imagination. As you open your mouth, allowing him you slip his tongue in, you sigh, deepening the kiss and tugging at his hair.

Then, you sober up. You pull away too quickly and wide your eyes, the blood draining from your face and your throat closing at the realization you just kissed your fucking boss.

“Shit,” You mumble, backing up. Marcus calls your name softly.

“It’s okay–”

“No.” You interrupt him. “You’re my boss, we work together.” You exhale sharply. “We can’t.”

“Sweetheart–”

“Don’t.” You raise a finger to him. “Please– Just don’t.”

Fumbling with the keycard you enter your room without giving him a chance to speak. The place it’s still a mess from your private fashion show, but you don’t care. Tears spill from your eyes as you remove your shoes and your clothes, not bothering to putting on pajamas or organizing the room before burying yourself under the covers.

Well, now, you’re really fucked.

_

tags: @madadlorian​ @xo-dragonette-xo​ @rosetophighlander​ @adikaofmandalore​ @pedropascalito​ @fioccodineveautunnale​ @burningsoulbloodyheart​ 

let me know if you want to be tagged in part ii!

[jbuffyangel]

Strength: Arrow 8x05 Review (Prochnost)

We’re headed back to Russia for some Queen family vacation fun, except their version of “fun” is kidnappings and fight clubs.

Let’s dig in…

Oliver, Mia and William

Do you remember how we used to pray for a scene of Oliver teaching Felicity the bow and arrow? 

The scenes with Helena fueled my hate fire for years. The closest we ever came to Olicity “training” was Oliver offering Felicity a few punching pointers

and the glorious salmon-ladder-leads-to-sex scene.

I’m not complaining! All I’m saying is we could’ve had a bow-and-arrow-training-leads-to-sex scene too. I have several insert-scenario-here-leads-to-sex scene ideas this show has yet to explore.

Anyway, if we can’t have Felicity training with Oliver then second best is their daughter training with Oliver. The intro to “Prochnost” is almost three minutes long and it’s pure fan fiction from start to finish.  

Source: felicitysmoakgifs 

Oliver teaches Mia how to tennis ball and uses cooking as analogy before he remembers she’s 50% Smoak.

It is clear Mia still has a lot to learn not only from a vigilante perspective, but also in terms of her archer skills.  

When we met Oliver Queen in the pilot his skill set was perfected. He was a fully formed bad ass. 

We haven’t seen Mia train other than a montage with Nyssa Al Ghul in 7x16 and I am thoroughly enjoying there’s still a lot she can learn from her father.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

Oliver reviews all of his trick arrows with Mia, but doesn’t want them to become a crutch. 

Source: lucyyh 

What he doesn’t say is trick arrows became more of a necessity in disabling criminals after killing them was no longer an option. We’ve come a long way with Oliver Queen. If you had told me father/daughter training sessions were in our future when I watched the pilot then I would’ve laughed you out of the room because that’s a special brand of CRAZY.

Of course, a training scene without the stick thingies wouldn’t be a training scene on Arrow. 

Source: miasmoakdaily

Yes, I know there’s a technical term for the stick thingies, but if I haven’t learned it by now do you think I ever will? No is the right answer.

Oliver: Nyssa taught you well.

Mia: Mom made sure of it.

I think Arrow makes an important point during this scene. Nyssa Al Ghul is good, but she’s no Oliver Queen. There’s been many seasons where it feels like the writers down played Oliver’s skills to give the other team members something to do *cough*L*urelLance*cough*. 

However, the writers seem particularly focused on showing how Oliver’s skills are a whole other level now. Remember, he’s the guy who killed Ra’s Al Ghul – probably the greatest fighter of all time. It’s why Riccardo Diaz being a formidable threat was so laughable. When Felicity reached out to Nyssa she was asking the best for help, but there truly is no substitute for Oliver Queen.

Source: miasmoakdaily 

Mia “The Machine” Smoak-Queen (her official title btw) doesn’t need a break, but I love how Oliver worries about her nonetheless. DADDY OLIVER IS SO SOFT.

Source: amunetblack

Mia gently reins in William’s ramble and this is the brother/sister banter I am here for. Look, I know we’ve clocked a season and a half with these kids and I should be used to moments where they remind me of Oliver and Felicity, BUT I CAN’T GET USED TO IT. It still fills me with absolute glee anytime it happens.

Children are individuals with unique personalities, but one of the more fun aspects of parenting is seeing traits of other family members, or maybe even yourself, emerge in the child you’re raising. I feel the same glee when my daughter reminds me of my husband or mother. And since William and Mia are my fictional TV children why should I be any different?

There’s a Curtis reference in this scene, so naturally I doze off when that happens, but the cliff notes version is the energy wave that destroyed Earth 2 can be recreated. There’s a Russian general trying to replicate it via pulse wave generator weapon and Team Arrow needs to get the plans.

I think. Plus they need plutonium which Diggle volunteers to get.

Oliver invites the kids to Russia with him and they are equally as shocked as I am. 

Really? We’re going to Russia? I mean, I know we’re going to Russia, but Oliver’s casual invitation makes this trip sound like the equivalent of a grocery store run. The kids are so excited to be invited they think they’re going to Disney World with Dad.

This is so not going to be Disney World. TELL THEM THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE DISNEY WORLD OLIVER.

Oliver: I’m a better man. Different man. I think I can teach them the good without showing them the bad.

Oliver thinks this is going to be Disney World. 

Diggle accurately points out visiting the place which was home to the darkest point of his life may not be as simple as Oliver would like it to be. His answer is equally wonderful and sooooo WRONG. It’s WONDERFUL Oliver believes he’s a better man. It took us 8 long years to get here and his statement is no small thing. Round of applause for our boy.

Unfortunately, this is where the wonderful ends. Oliver is determined to only show his children the good. I guess it sounds ok when he says it, but upon closer examination it misses the forest through the trees. Everything that happened to Oliver Queen, good and bad, has formed the person he is. He cannot extricate the bad from this story anymore than he can the good. They are a sticky wicket forever entwined together. Take out one and you don’t get the full picture. And what his children need and deserve is the full picture.

That’s not to say Oliver’s filter is entirely wrong. There are certainly topics and information children are not ready to hear, can’t understand, or wouldn’t be appropriate to tell them. Every parent has some kind of filter when raising their children because that’s what good parenting requires.

This is appropriate when children are small. As your child grows into an adult then your relationship with them must become more adult, which requires more transparency. This is the problem between Oliver and his children. He is parenting like William and Mia are still little. And they are not.

If plans for a pulse generator sound like a flimsy excuse to go to Russia then you’d be right. The real reason we’re going to Russia isn’t because of some rando general. It’s to say goodbye to one of Arrow’s greatest supporting characters - Anatoly Knyazev

“My brother.”

I block out most of Season 6 because half of it was a walking horror show, so I don’t remember where Oliver and Anatoly left things after he joined and then betrayed Team Bad Guy. 

I guess their cool now? I don’t really want to spend all kinds of time on Oliver and Anatoly hashing out their issues, so if a hug gets the job done then I’m good. Also William speaks Russian. Queen men speaking foreign languages is hot.

A+ reaction Steve. 

Source: arrowdaily 

Anatoly was bored in the Maldives, now owns a bar and has a delicious pina colada recipe so that pretty much catches us up on him. He offers to help find Burov, but Oliver doesn’t want Anatoly’s “friends” involved because they are Bratva and he’s not discussing the bad parts of Russia with his children. I think the good parts of Russia ended at pina colada, Oliver. See how this is going to be a problem?

The best place to meet up with Burov is a local fight club. This prompts William to share where he met his baby sister and gives us Oliver’s best dad reaction to date. 

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer 

Bless you William. You do God’s work my boy.

Mia: Why did you bring us on this mission if you aren’t going to let us help?

Oliver: This is the Bratva. They are terrible people and you guys are my kids.

Mia: Yes, but we’re not children.

Oliver: Well you are when I look at you.

Aww… my sweet, lovable, wonderful Oliver. 

Do we ever stop looking at our children as children? Probably not. I know I will always be my parents’ baby girl and my daughter will always be mine. It is difficult to fully accept a human being as an adult when you’ve changed their diapers. And in Oliver’s defense he changed Mia’s diaper about five minutes ago in the present timeline, regardless of the future adults standing before him. We must give him some time to… adjust.

But Mia is Mia and doesn’t listen to anyone, other than William (SOUND FAMILIAR?) and he’s firmly on her team this week, so they go to the fight club and watch Dad in action. Mia has heard the stories of her father all her life but seeing him in action is an eye-opening experience. She is difficult to impress, but her dad is AWESOME. Yeah, we think so too honey. Welcome to stanning Oliver Queen.

Source: olivergifs

Unfortunately, the Bratva aren’t cool with the deal Oliver made with Burov and kidnap him along with Mia. Her Spidey sense was tingling, so she went to check on dad. Oops.

Source: feilcityqueen 

If there is one lesson the Arrow villains consistently fail to learn it’s DO NOT MESS WITH PEOPLE OLIVER QUEEN LOVES. He gets very angry and wildly unpleasant, which leads to many broken bones and occasionally murder. You put hands on Felicity Smoak and even I’m down with Oliver ripping off your head.

Of course, Oliver wakes from unconsciousness and his immediate question is if Mia is okay. Can’t-Admit-I’m-In-Love-With-You Oliver, 

Boyfriend Oliver,

Fiance Oliver, 

Ex-boyfriend Oliver, 

Husband Oliver, 

and Dad Oliver  are all the same Olivers.

Mia doesn’t understand why everyone in Russia knows who Oliver is and quickly deduces Dad was Bratva. Our princess is a smart cookie! Oliver is ticked Mia didn’t listen to him and there is truly no greater justice in the world than God creating a child who is exactly like you. Robert and Moira are having themselves a nice little chuckle.

Source: lucyyh 

The Bratva threatens to torture Mia if Oliver doesn’t tell them what’s on the zip drive. Mia is very brave and tells Daddy not to say anything. Pfft. Not likely Little Miss Square Bear. He points a gun at Oliver’s precious girl and counts down from five. The Green Arrow breaks like a pretzel. Honestly, I’m shocked Oliver didn’t give the guy the whole store after four.

Source: olicitygifs 

Unfortunately, nobody believes Oliver is telling the full story and a very large knife is brandished in Mia’s direction. Seriously? The one-time Oliver tells the truth he’s accused of lying. How ironic is that? The goon was at least 20 feet away from Mia, but Daddy was ready to flay him alive seven different ways. 

Oh. He was only cutting the restraints. Okay, we’ll knock down the flaying to five different ways.

The Bratva force Mia to play the Ring the Bell game. I don’t know if that’s what it’s called, but it works for my purposes. Oliver is very much HELL NO CHILD, but really her only other option is death. Of course, if she doesn’t ring the bell she dies too. ISN’T RUSSIA FUN? 

Mia kicks major ass, but is unable to ring the bell in under 60 seconds. This might have something to do with her wasting time to look back at the clock and then waiting an additional 3 seconds to reach for the friggin bell, but that’s just details. Be less stupid Arrow.

The Bratva don’t shoot her because… they’re nice gang of Russian mobsters now? 

Source: arrowdaily

This made very little sense other than Arrow doesn’t want to shoot the female lead of their new television show. On second thought, good enough for me. Oliver shoots death daggers at the man who scared the friggin bejesus out of him and it’s pretty much a certainty he will be flayed eight different ways.

William has a full-on panic attack over his father and sister’s kidnapping and it’s pretty much the cutest thing ever.  Then L*urel actually provides some necessary and helpful information. Is that the second week in a row this happened? I’m scared fandom. Hold me.

L*urel: Aren’t the people in your family constantly injecting each other with tracking devices?

William: Normally I would say God I hope not, but now I guess I can see the advantages.

He’s able to track them down, but L*urel and Anatoly show up right after Oliver has already freed himself by dislocating his thumbs. I love that trick. Mia’s reaction is the perfect combination of horrified and impressed. She really wants that trick to be on the next lesson plan.

Mia is bumming hard over not ringing the bell and boozes it up with some scotch. THY NAME IS GENETICS.

Oliver has had enough of his kids almost dying and is putting their asses on a plane back home BECAUSE THIS ISN’T DISNEY WORLD. 

William jumps firmly on Team Mia and reminds their father he’d be dead without them. Oliver has been dislocating his thumbs on his own for awhile now children. I think he’d survive without your help.

It’s time to set these kiddies straight.

Source:  oliverxfelicity

Mia tries to argue the whole adults saving the city angle, but that’s not going to fly in this timeline cupcake. 

In this timeline, Oliver smooshed those perfect chubby cheeks one more time before he left to save the universe 

Source:  oliverxfelicity 

and his rebelling teenage son, who was ousted from the present storyline to make a ridiculous plot point work in the future storyline, ignored his phone calls. (I’m never getting over the whole William never moves in with Mia and Felicity thing. NEVER.)

So, all of his children can take several seats and do what they’re told or they will be grounded! That includes no computer for you, William and Oliver will be taking that bow and arrow back little miss Mia.

Side note: This was a perfect time for William to explain WHY he didn’t return any of Oliver’s calls or if he even received them, but NOPE. Why would these writers attempt to clean up this mess of a storyline with reasonable explanations? Better to just ignore the Grand Canyon sized plot holes and keep driving through. 

Stephen Amell does a wonderful job in this scene as Oliver’s voice quivers with emotion. He’s skating the edge of keeping his composure and losing it all together perfectly this season. Neither Mia nor William have offered much understanding for where Oliver is coming from. Yes, they are adults but 1) No matter how old they get they will always be Oliver’s children and 2) HE MISSED TWENTY YEARS.  

Oliver has been very clear this was not a choice he wanted to make. Mia and William are not the only ones who lost something precious. Oliver lost a lot too. Part of being an adult is letting go of the natural narcissism we all have as children. So, if Mia and William want to put on their big boy and big girl pants then they need to show their father a little understanding and compassion.

Mia: And because you made the choice to protect us I had to spend my whole life alone. I didn’t have a chance to get to know my brother to get to know you.

Mia is not ready to do that yet. She throws Oliver’s choices in his face once again. He is still the one she wants to blame. If this reaction frustrates you then that’s understandable because Mia is supposed to be frustrating right now. It’s odd for us to be identifying through Oliver, but that’s what happens when the hero becomes fully evolved. This entire episode is about showing how much Mia still has to learn not only physically, but emotionally too.  

Source: oliverxfelicity

Oliver is getting used to Mia’s blame by now and it doesn’t really change his opinion on this situation. The worst part of this argument is Oliver believing his children hate him. His worst nightmare was Mia and William not understanding his choices and resenting him for it. Oliver’s greatest fear isn’t death. It is his children believing he abandoned them.

Mia being angry at Oliver over not growing up with William is really not his fault and it’s bizarre how the writers are insistent on lumping that in with everything else she’s ticked about. I did a deep dive on Mia’s emotional and psychological viewpoint last week and I won’t repeat it here because everything still stands. But how is Felicity never going back for William Oliver’s fault?

I’m not putting the blame on Felicity here either. It’s a ludicrous plot point that makes absolutely no sense, so it’s pointless to even try to argue the logic. And yet, that’s exactly what the writers keep trying to do. But it merely shines a brighter spotlight on their illogical reasoning behind the decision.

We are already sympathizing with Oliver because we know how heartbroken he was to leave his children. We know he sacrificed everything for a bunch of ungrateful twats who caught a lucky break for existing in the universe. But forcing Mia’s character to continually blame Oliver for EVERYTHING can rapidly make this character unlikeable. Particularly since her father left to SAVE THE UNIVERSE. The writers need to tread carefully. This has the same nonsensical threads of the Season 4 break up. Or, even worse, Mia channeling the same the anger/blame/bitterness of Season 1 & 2 L*urel Lance. Nobody wants a repeat of those hot messes.

Oliver is floundering. He missed twenty years of his children’s lives. They’ve arrived from a different time as adults. Oliver was still learning how to be a parent and then the universe flipped the board. He has no idea how to do this and the one person who can help him isn’t here. If there was ever a time Oliver needed his Felicity this is it.

So, the only guiding light Oliver has right now is the promise he made his wife and mother of his children. 

Source: oliverxfelicity 

Not to get too nitpicky on the details Oliver, but as @callistawolf​ pointed out in our Watchover episode of 8x05, we never heard him make any promises to Felicity about the children. 

In their final goodbye, it was Felicity promising Oliver to do whatever was necessary to keep their children safe (re: Nyssa Al Ghul). So, let’s just create our own head canon there was some Olicity discussion about the future kids being in present day off screen and he made the promise to her then. Cool? Cool.

OR Oliver is merely trying to score points in an argument via emotional manipulation, which hey man. More power to you. Whatever it takes to keep kiddos safe, I guess. I did have to chuckle about Oliver keeping his promises to Felicity NOW that she’s off the show. Where was this guy in 6x23? Or maybe I sobbed quietly. Probably a little of both. Regardless of the reasoning, it’s an EPIC speech. Dad for the win.

Oliver decides it’s time to get boozy. Amen brother. Pass the scotch. 

Anatoly is no Felicity Smoak, but in the ever-spinning weekly wheel of characters trying to fill her role, he asks the obvious question. Is Oliver sending his children home because he believes they cannot handle Russia/vigilantism/life?

Of course, the answer has been obvious from the moment Oliver decided to only share the good. It’s not about what his children can handle. This is about what Oliver can handle.

Anatoly: That is understandable. You’re ashamed. You have truly done some terrible things.

Oliver: Thank you for the reminder.

Anatoly: But you also have done some good things. It’s important that the kids see both.

Can’t you just hear Felicity Smoak saying these lines? Only in an adorable ramble and less booze? I miss her. Just leaving this here.

I absolutely understand Oliver’s refusal to share the darkest moments of his past. It’s not like my dad has gone chapter and verse into his Vietnam experiences. But I know he was there. I know some of the stories. Maybe Oliver doesn’t need to go into detail about the time he skinned a guy, but he can be honest with his children about being in the Bratva.

Anatoly: That’s the thing about teaching. It’s not about what you want to say. It’s about what they need to hear.”

This part of the speech is all Anatoly. 

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer 

He taught Oliver living was not for the weak because this was the lesson Oliver needed to hear.  Maybe he missed out on teaching William and Mia how to tie their shoes or ride a bike, but nobody understands what it means to be a hero better than Oliver Queen. The Crisis is coming and if Oliver is marching slowly but steadily to his death then he must pass on all he’s learned. There is still so much to teach Mia and William about Oliver’s life and who he is. Those lessons can only come from their father.  What William and Mia need to hear is the truth.

“You were so little. I think that’s what I’ve always wanted all these years. Is for you just to stay little, quiet and safe. But you’re not any of those things. You’re loud and fearless and it scares the crap out of me.” Derek Shepherd, Grey’s Anatomy

His children are loud and fearless and it scares the crap out of Oliver Queen. But there’s a deeper fear driving his hesitation. Oliver is afraid that if he tells Mia and William the truth about his past then they’ll only hate him more. He is constantly afraid of losing his children’s love.

But truth is the path to understanding. Anatoly is right. Oliver must give Mia and William a chance. The real truth is there’s nothing he has done or will ever do that will make his children stop loving him. Sure, Mia is angry at Oliver, but she’s only angry because she loves him. She craves her father’s approval more than anything.

Oliver changes his parenting tactic. He cannot shield his children from the very life they have chosen for themselves. He asks Mia to fight in the ring with him and William to help get them in. Oliver treats his children like they are part of the team – like partners.

Mia has been trying to show her father what she’s capable of since the moment she came to the present. Underneath all that anger and blame, is a little girl who just wants to make her daddy proud. What Mia needs to realize is she already makes Oliver proud merely by existing. However, he offers her the support and belief she’s been craving as they enter the ring together. 

Source: oliverxfelicity

The look on her face says everything about how Mia truly feels about her dad.

Source: arrowdaily

FATHER DAUGHTER FIGHT CLUB. From the moment, we met Blackstar in the ring I hoped she was Olicity’s daughter and we would somehow, someway get a scene of Oliver and Mia teaming up. But I never imagined these circumstances. It’s awesome.

After kicking butt as a team and a family, Oliver opens the door to his past and lets his children walk through. And what better place to start than the beginning?

Source: olivergifs

The truth is a tie that binds and it will be the foundation of Oliver’s relationship with his children. Something he never had with his parents until it was too late.

And did William and Mia stop loving Oliver after they heard the truth? No. They understand him better and love him all the more for what he’s survived. 

Mia: Don’t forget to send me that picture of my dad with that haircut.

Anatoly: Don’t forget to ask about Bratva tattoo. We have matching.

Oliver: Used to. Used to actually.

William: Oh I’m gonna need to hear that story immediately.

Well... son this raving loony burned my tattoo off my chest after several hours of torture. 

The warm banter of this scene isn’t to make light of what Oliver Queen suffered. It’s to show the power of telling our stories. Pain and fear lose control over us, bit by bit, the more we talk about it and share with our loved ones. We let them inside the good and bad, so we don’t have to carry it by ourselves anymore. Overtime, we begin to see our suffering for what it is - something we survived. Children, in particular, have an ability to find the light in the dark. We can see our life through their eyes and remarkably, yes even find the humor in what was once unspeakable pain. And come on - Oliver’s flashback hair is always funny.

Family is the source of Oliver’s strength. It always has been. It’s what helped him survive the unsurvivable.

He can only become his children’s strength by teaching them how he became a better man. William and Mia can only understand who their father is, and how to be heroes, by knowing the good and the bad. Hiding either tarnishes the beauty of his story. Oliver is finally strong enough to tell it and his children are strong enough to hear it. And that’s how the past, present and future will find harmony, acceptance, forgiveness and love.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Diggle and Roy

John enlists Roy’s help obtaining the plutonium.

 Source: thistributeisonfire

We’re going to run through this pretty quick because this storyline is all about getting Colton Haynes back on Team Arrow for the final episodes. 

Diggle tells Roy what happens to him in the future. The cure for Roy’s bloodlust wasn’t hiding out on Lian Yu for 20 years. It was rejoining the team and fighting for the city again.

Diggle: Maybe this time you don’t have to wait that long.

Diggle’s ENTIRE motivation is to change Roy’s future and it’s not difficult to figure out why. Obviously John cares about Roy and wants to help him. However, Roy also makes a very good test case. Diggle is also desperate to change Connor, JJ and Zoe’s future as well. If they can make their own hope in the present then maybe things can be different for his children in the future.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

We all need love and support. None of us can truly survive on our own - particularly when we are suffering. Roy fights John at first, but eventually he comes to realize he’s right. Roy found purpose and family when he met Oliver so it makes sense to him they are the reason he gets better. So why wait? He comes home and begins the path to healing twenty years earlier. And thus, a major storyline from Season 7 flash forwards begins to change.

ROY MADE SENSE Y’ALL!!! 

L*urel L*nce

I truly could not figure out why L*urel was in Russia. I guess to help Oliver track down these plans, but she spent the better part of the episode staring at her fingernails. That’s not even an exaggeration. KC stared at her fingernails for an entire scene.

Source: thistributeisonfire 

Her interactions with Oliver are even more bizarre.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer 

I’m sorry, but does L*urel go here? Bl*ck S*ren has been on the show since Season 5. You’d think at this point she’d know Oliver Queen can easily handle one guy twice his size. I’m chalking up this stupidity to the acting version of a layup, so Stephen Amell can spike it with the epic comeback of, “I’ll give him half a chance.”

I guess L*urel is primarily in Russia to betray Oliver Queen and steal the plans or something, per Lyla’s instructions.

LL: And here I thought I was supposed to be the bad guy.

At last count Lyla never murdered innocent people, so I think she's still ahead by the numbers Bl*ck S*ren.  This is the problem with L*urel’s character this year. The comparisons her character makes this season are INSANE. Putting on a new suit and calling yourself Bl*ck C*nary doesn’t automatically make you morally superior to everyone.

At least when Season 7 L*urel was playing attorney she had a healthy perspective on herself.  I was a big fan of the snark last season and found her character to be refreshingly amusing in her biting honesty, but this year the writers lost the snarky humor and have gone straight to obnoxious hypocrisy and judgment.  Sometimes she’s just downright mean in a way none of the other characters deserve. Yes, Lyla is being shady, but this in no way erases the horrors of your past L*urel. 

L*urel: If saving it means going back to the person I used to be then what the hell is the point?

We all know this whole betray Oliver thing the Monitor is playing at with L*urel is a trick. She’s not going to betray Oliver and prove herself a worthy and useful hero.  Ok. Whatever. I know I’m supposed to get excited about her big speech, but this line kind of gnawed at me. 

L*urel is unwilling to save an ENTIRE EARTH because she’d have to do something shady. She’s not willing to do any dirty work if it sullies her good name. So, Earth 2 only matters as long as L*urel gets to be a hero on it? I guess I should be happy L*urel is holding onto her moral center, but if there’s anything Oliver Queen’s story has taught us sometimes heroism requires doing unpleasant things for the greater good.

Take Lyla for example – a person L*urel feels quite comfortable judging. Lyla has been lying to her husband, something she does not want to do, for the greater good. I think we know enough about Lyla’s character by now that even though her actions are hurtful we can trust her reasons. 

LL’s primary function this week it seems is to rat Lyla out to Diggle and Oliver.

Source: stevesrogered

I guess we’re supposed to rejoice there’s no price L*urel is willing to pay for her morality, but this is still the same person who has yet to take any responsibility for the people she’s murdered. The line just sounded so arrogant and self serving to me. I don’t know. Maybe it was just KC’s delivery.

It’s been difficult for me to imagine what role either L*urel or Dinah will play in the spin off and seeing as how the writers are struggling to find a purpose for their characters in the final season of Arrow I am not encouraged. That said, L*urel’s scene with Mia was one of the few bright spots for her character in this week’s episode.  Mia believes she’s not cut out to be a hero because she failed to ring the bell like her father and Zoe’s death still weighs heavily on her conscious.

Mia: Every time I try and live up to my dad or to prove I can do what it is you all do. I fail.

L*urel: If you’re trying to live up to us, don’t. We are just as flawed as anyone. Especially me. All you can do is live up to yourself.

Damn L*urel. That was really good advice and a truthful reflection of the person you are. CAN WE HAVE THIS ATTITUDE CONSISTENTLY WEEK TO WEEK PLEASE WRITERS? This is the first time I can see a version of L*urel working in the spin off, but that’s always the problem with the writing of her character. We never know which version we’re going to get.

Season 8 is slipping back into very bad Season 1 habits. There’s a lack of cohesiveness with L*urel and they really need to get this sorted out before the new show hits the air. Otherwise, we’re going to have the same problem we’ve always had with her character. No matter how many versions of L*urel’s character these writers create they never figure out who she truly is because they don’t want to devote the necessary screen time. This leaves us with a half baked canary every single time.

If L*urel is going to play Rupert Giles to Mia’s Buffy in the spin off then this scene is a good indication of how it could work, but that’s only if this path stays on track which seldom happens with this character. The key to LL is a very specific supporting role. She worked great in Season 7 because her focus was getting Oliver Queen out of jail. Then,it was about fleshing out her redemption and shipping her back to E2 to make amends.

L*urel lacks a concrete To Do list this year. They toss her into scenes and she takes up space looking at her fingernails. Or she arrives a few minutes after Oliver frees himself to scream down a door he could have easily opened. Or she says something hypocritical and nasty. REALLY? This is the best these writers can come up with? Sadly, history points to yes.

Keep her scenes short. Keep her scenes specific. Keep her scenes supporting. That’s the only way this character works. And believe me I wish it was different, but there doesn’t seem to be any version of L*urel L*nce these writers can keep a handle on.

You know what I appreciate about this scene between Anatoly and William though? Anatoly addresses his less than honorable past and apologizes. I can’t fully remember what Anatoly did to William - I think it might have been related to kidnapping or a bomb or a nuke or all three. See? I told you I don’t remember S6. My point is - can we expect an apology from L*urel for being an accessory to William’s mother’s murder? I won’t hold my breath. It would be extremely helpful if they addressed LL’s past in an honest way and actually had her show remorse to one of her victims, but again that requires more screen time and effort than this show is ever will to give her character.

SO WHY DO THEY KEEP HER AROUND?

Stray Thoughts

Connor isn’t in this week’s episode because he’s checking in on Sandra. Soooo… Connor can visit his mother but Mia and William can’t visit theirs? I know this is yet another EBR plot hole, but find a better reason for Connor to be MIA writers. It just makes the Smoak-Queen family look uncaring, which we know they are not. And if Connor can get an off camera mother moment mention then why can’t Mia and William? THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT ANNOY ME.

“Has anyone fought six men before?” Mia and Oliver’s side eye is hilarious, but didn’t Mia fight six goons by herself? And we’ve watched Oliver take down twenty without breaking a sweat. Raise the number in the ring a little if you want me to take their hesitation seriously.

Diggle is absolutely horrified to find out Lyla is working against the team with The Monitor. “I didn’t want to believe it was true.” Boy, really? Who are you kidding? This is Lyla Michaels, super spy. She’s been lying and doing shady things from minute one. She’s the Oliver to your Felicity. Get out of here with that nonsense. This is totally something she would do and you know it. Lol

William doesn’t like the field, but the allure of beautiful couture convinces him otherwise. At least he didn’t have to go on a skeevy date with Ray Palmer to wear it. Source:  felicitysmoakgifs

William’s “Wrap it up” sign while Mia was fighting was such a funny and wonderful way of showing their team within a team.

“I can be the fun uncle.” Raise your hand if you want Anatoly as a fun uncle. 

He was a complicated, but ultimately wonderful character who made Arrow a better show. 

Goodbye Anatoly. I will miss you. source:  oliverxfelicity

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 8x05 gifs credited.

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[splazbee]

A guide to Reverse Asra (and how to avoid it)

I’ve seen some people already covering the reversed routes for the characters, but I found the need to try and understand first hand.

So, after a lot of pain, I found my way to the Reversed Asra route. There are several keys to getting it, which is the same for all the characters: feed into their bad habits and negative traits. Don’t push them to change. For Asra, those negative traits are as such: his tendency to run away, to push away the problems, isolating himself and an obsessive need to keep MC safe.

The first three are all aspects of one problem. When talking with Asra about our past, he told MC about the argument they had. Asra wanted to escape the town, leave the people to fend for themselves and him to find a safe place. He wanted to go with MC, but MC wanted to help the city. 

Here are some roots of the problem, and Asra can react in different ways. In the Upright route, Asra learns how to stand his ground in face of adversity, how to let people in and let them help. He can make MC grow. The other, Reverse reaction, is to regret even more not keeping MC safe and going to extreme heights to do so. He already gave up a part of his heart for MC to return to life, what more wouldn’t he do?

Encouraging his desire to run away, making MC look and act helpless, therefore making Asra believe MC would never survive without him, is the recipe for the disaster that is the Reverse route.

And here is why.

I went aaaall the way back to when MC and Asra went to his Sanctuary out of Vesuvia. MC is asked by Asra if they would prefer a big, bustling city, or a remote place. Answering remote appeals to his want to run away, especially with the apprentice.  Clap and a half for escapism everyone. 

The next choice is possibly not the most important in this whole scheme, but even choosing how to ride Beast can have its weight. Sitting in front is more adventurous, while sitting behind Asra? It already shows MC relies on him, in a way literally hiding behind his back.

I forgot to take my note in this choice, so i forgot where it was exactly in the midst of important choices, but it’s about MC’s dream. Telling Asra the dream about MC and him going off in a separate dimension or universe all of their own was a good one, welp, (a little maybe spoiler) lets not plant ideas in either Asra’s or MC’s head, m’kay?

Helping the villagers. While you do help them anyway, the way you go about it matters. Picking “We’re busy”, even though that is not exactly true, makes MC seem very callous, and selfish. Asra is shocked for a moment before he laughs. While picking this choice made me feel guilty, it does its job of isolating MC, and therefore Asra, from the outside world.

Next, relying on Asra to deal with the well. Again, enforcing the notion that MC needs to rely on Asra to do all the heavy lifting, and Asra, being the precious bean he is, shows once again that he would do anything for MC. This is not shaping up to be a healthy relationship people, especially for Asra.

Not taking the initiative and asking Asra to dance, and instead sitting in a faraway corner with him - isolation again.

Next the choice of going back directly to the palace, or first visiting the shop - this is avoiding the problems, leaving them for later. Running away from them. Not literally, not yet, but going there.

Meeting Muriel is the next on the chopping block. The most important bit is MC’s reaction to meeting him - whether MC is happy to meet him, or feeling nervous. Choosing nervous shows an unwillingness to meet new people, slight suspicion of them, and most importantly - a dependency on Asra.

Following this is MC’s opinion on Asra and Muriel. The choices being “Good thing you got away” and “Good thing you had each other”, based on previous statements, it’s written right there on the box which answer makes it more likely to get the Reverse route.

When Asra is confronted about his vanishing habit by Julian, MC saying “You’re always there for me” sounds suspiciously supportive, but it isn’t really, not in the long run. Telling Asra he has a vanishing-into-lands-unknown problem right in his face provokes change. In a positive direction, god forbid. I’m saying this sarcastically, but while he cares about Muriel, Nadia and Julian, if MC tells him to do something, he will follow it to the dot. Telling him he is always there for us just keeps him blind to his faults.

And so, we reach THE TRIAL. Picking the choice of Asra telling the people he’s innocent? Nicely packaged, but ultimately a bad decision. Asra keeps his secrets close to his chest, and while we all love this floofy boy, it is a fact he has quite the dark side. So he also lies. Condoning that is not okay. Him telling the truth challenges him. It’s against him. But he trusts MC, so when MC wants him to tell the truth, he changes. He grows.

Next up, MC asking Nadia to stop the fight is a bad choice, though I don’t believe it to be such a major one. But it shows one thing: no matter how much MC relies on Asra, they don’t truly believe in him or his abilities. This exact thing will play its role again in a later choice.

The next few choices are a bit foggy for me. I’m pretty sure in the next choice, picking “Let me help” is an Upright choice. Because wow, MC doesn’t want to rely on Asra and actually tries to be equal with him, like a healthy relationship should be? Whaaat?

When asked by Asra what MC would do in his place, I am confused as to which one is the Reverse choice. To me personally, “I’d do anything” seems to validate everything Asra has done for us, making it a situation of ends-justify-the-means. While I’m very happy that he did resurrect MC, because we wouldn’t have a story without that, it may push him into thinking that its always all in when it comes to MC. Pushing his protectiveness into an obsession.

“Why am I here?” and the “...” option seem to be the next Reverse choices. The first one shows that MC is still relying on heir teacher to explain things to them, a bit of naivete that kindles at Asra’s protectiveness. It’s a similar situation with “...” MC has no idea how to react, and need Asra to support them.

I’ll be shorter for the next choices, as this is getting quite long. “Did it change you?” seems to be the next Reverse choice, because “I’d do the same for you” is supportive, but i could be wrong here, as I was very conflicted. Trying to cancel the Masquerade is again avoidance of problems and running away. When it’s about Faust the “You’d do the same for me” seems to be the reverse choice. To me it feels like MC implies they don’t really care about Faust, and who would be so mad as to not like her, amirite?

Next up, dealing with the Devil. I picked No for his first offer, and then yes after he made Faust vanish. He confusion and fear broke me. Next I chose to tell the Devil that indeed, the Masquerade was enjoyable, but now we are so far into this Reverse hell, I don’t even know if it matters anymore. The next choice is very transparent - MC telling Asra they can’t do this alone after MC is left stranding in the Half world (what was the term for it again?)

Trusting Scout and telling the Magician MC doesn’t feel safe with him also aren’t very obvious to me.

Next up - Asra’s confession!!!  I trembled as, when in the face of his declaration, I made MC stutter out an “I... um...” Get yourself together MC, this boy needs love.

Magic realm time! Choosing the “I just want this to be over” shows the now infamous in this essay need to escape and get away, preferably to some isolated place. When confronted with the magic chains, “Find a safer path” shows MC unwillingness to stand up to adversity, and, well, a lack of courage. How will MC deal with the Devil is now beyond me (pun not intended, but the foreshadowing is too good for me to redact this).

Interactions with Asra’s parents. As with Muriel, an unwillingness to meet and trust new people, no matter how close they may be to Asra, must be shown. To me shaking hands seems more impersonal, and later not commending the spell Asra’s dad crafted. When in a timed choice attacking the tree is too straightforward, so the Reverse answer should be when MC goes into ‘helpless’ mode and just going “what do we do?!” Then right after, unwillingness to trust Asra’s dad to heal us, making Asra do it, and the poor boy is so jittery and nervous and afraid and stressed he can’t cast the magic fully and/or correctly.

Here comes LUCI! Asra presents MC with the idea of trapping Lucio. And here comes that point from waaaaaay back up at the gladiator battle, where MC doubted his abilities and his decisions. Picking “I’m not so sure...” and then completely disregarding Asra’s advice about approaching the water, shows a complete lack of faith in Asra, unwillingness to listen to him and sealing the deal of his protectiveness of MC turning into an obsession.

SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 20

Finally, we have come to the Reversed route. Asra goes completely into a tunnel vision mode. Where in the Upright path, he suggests we use MCs blood to give the immunity of our magic to all the guests of the arcane feast, in the Reversed path he completely focuses on running away. Asking where we should run, the oasis or the shop, trying to find the right way in the maze. 

At a moment he says “... we can escape. Make sure the ritual fails. That’s... that’s all we can do now.” and when Muriel’s charm starts to completely give out Asra says “You can escape. Run far away, live your life...” In answer to MC choosing to say “I don’t think I can”, he apologizes. 

“I... I’m so sorry, MC. I wanted to protect you, but...”

Everything we started with. His desire to escape, run to a faraway place, protecting MC. All traits present thorough the story, fed by choices of at least 11 books. This is what causes the Reversed end.

He turned into a scared, helpless wreck of a man, desperate and trapped in his needs. And even if at the table, MC finally tries to take a stand and use Magic, its finally revealed why we can do what we can do, but seriously, we all knew we were the Fool already. Even then, MC has go make a deal with the Devil.

This is the end of this long, long essay. I’ll probably make a summarized version of this. More people will be inclined to reach the end at least :D

[kakuriyo-translations]

Chapter 2: The Master Ogre God

Chapter 2: The Master Ogre God 25. "Aoi, do not let the Ayakashi scare you. You are special, so it is easy for them to kidnap you." "Is Aoi easy to kidnap?" "That's right, humans that can see Ayakashi are easily targeted. They're easy to eat and easy to use. Easy to like and easy to hate. It is easy to be loved and also easy to be hated. In short, you are a subject of ridiculous interest for them." My grandfather had a serious face back then as he took my hand, advising me through life. But my young self could not understand those words at all. "Aoi doesn't want to be eaten! Aoi doesn't want to leave grandpa." "Is that right? Well, grandpa doesn't want Aoi to leave or be taken either.... Aoi, be especially careful of ogres." "Ogres? Aoi has not seen an ogre." "They are tricky to find because they almost look the same as humans, perhaps that may be hard for you to understand."

26."Are they human?" "No, they are not people. They are incompatible with humans." My grandfather shook his head strongly in denial of my question. "They lead a cold and villainous path, doing anything they want in order to get what they want, they do not feel for others. That's why Aoi, do not let your guard down around ogres." My grandfather always told me to be careful around ogres. Ogres.

There was a feeling that I had fallen somewhere. "Ouch!" Hitting my head on something hard, I let out a dull shout. I had collapsed. When I open my eyes, I see a ceiling that I don't recognise. It was almost as if the ceiling was glittering, paintings of Ayakashi dancing was painted onto it, it intrigued me. I was in some strange hall. Why? It's so cold. I notice that my body is badly drenched in water.

27."Aoi." A low calm, disgusting voice called my name. I looked into his face for a moment, the one with the Ogre mask. I had met him at the shrine, I'd given him my lunchbox. What a shame that was. "Ah, you're from this morning!" Raising my voice with surprise, I stand holding my lower back. I check around me, only giving a glance. The room is mostly tatami mat and dimly lit, cold air drifts in occasionally. Straight away I understood that this was an expensive and gorgeous building. What's going on? It seems everyone who is peacefully sitting around the room quietly like figurines are Ayakashi. Everyone is wearing a kimono and different masks. I cannot see their expressions, they're only sitting and watching me peacefully. I can sense a murderous intent or hostility from the chills creeping up my skin. They seem unhappy and look at me almost as if aiming for their prey. I could sense a vicious disgust radiating from their bodies. I am surrounded by Ayakashis. I could feel the blood draining from my face. Even if you are used to seeing  Ayakashi, this is my first time being surrounded by them.

28. In this place that I do not know, no one is on my side. As if I've been hit by a wave, a cold fear overcomes my body. Firmly trying to get a hold of myself, I turn my head towards the Ayakashi to the side of the Ogre in front of me. I think I may be able to say something, although, I only thought there was one Ayakashi at first. "Eh?" However, one of them cried out unexpectedly, slowly I turned to look over. My eyes widen. A pale face with human features and cool eyes. A breathtaking cold and beautiful appearance. A man with black hair. I narrow my eyes at his smiling face. If you look close enough there are sharply pointed horns sticking out from his head, his eyes are also red. He isn't human. This guy, this guy is an ogre. "How are you feeling my bride?" Eh.. ha??" Those were the surprising words of the ogre, I look around restlessly. Surely he's not talking about me?

29. "How are you feeling? I'm asking you, my bride. Are you listening to me? Aoi, I mean you. You are my bride." "To be honest, I don't understand the meaning of all this, it makes me feel unwell," I answered with a serious expression. The ogre in front of me remains calm, smiling. Bride? This ogre, what is he saying? Although he is beautiful, my grandfather warned me to be alarmed by them. This all seems too doubtful. My body is cold from being drenched. My dress has become transparent and tough from the water. My stockings are torn and hair is sticking to my face. Surely my makeup is in disarray. This appearance must be so embarrassing but at the moment I can not afford to care. Because of this unknown situation, my shame is equal to none. Perhaps even if my life is saved, I may not be able to go home safely. "Master, as you can see it would be better if you did not marry this human girl." Said a masked Ayakashi to the black haired ogre, they dismissed me with such hate in their voice. Red-bean coloured hair can be seen poking out from the edge of the mask, although, it isn't really human. "I can not allow my Master to marry such a filthy little girl."

30. At those words, all the other Ayakashi who seemed just like figurines started talking with hatred towards me at the same time. They hide their mouths with fans or sleeves. "Absolutely right!" "Such a filthy daughter of humans!" "She's plain!" "Incompetent!" "Seedy-looking!" Obviously, they like saying anything that comes to mind. However, it all seems to be something bad... But I do not care about such a silly thing. The desire to escape from here somehow starts to burn inside me. This place is a nest for Ayakashi. Right now, usual encounters with Ayakashi cannot compare to this. The ones here are not low class. I can only comprehend what's happening by watching it unfold. An exit can be seen on the side in a gap between the Shoji sliding door, what good timing. "Now!" Well, that was daring. "Ah, that girl!" Such a sound made the Ayakashi stand up all at once. Meanwhile, I do not hesitate and run out between the side from the gap of the Shoji sliding door. The edge is wet with no gripping, if possible I'd like to get somewhere else. That was my plan.

31. But that plan was soon undone. As a strange colourful landscape spread out from what I assumed to be the edge of the building. I was terribly surprised. I opened my eyes wide, stopping my feet from running. "Ehhh?" Right in front of me is a world I've never seen before. It seems that the wet edge I stand on is far above even the sky. Apparently, I'm at the top of an extremely tall building, the ground is a long way down. I can see buildings wrapped in lights of lanterns, I know this is obviously not a normal place in Japan. The boulevard below seems very busy, everyone here is an Ayakashi, I can understand that fact from here. Ogres, monsters, demons, persistently written flags, red lanterns hang around here and there. Buildings, not like a normal house or an apartment. It looked like it could be an old townscape reminiscent to traditional Japan. Whilst it seems to be an old-fashioned traditional town like Kyoto. However, the red-coloured risen building on the right reminds me of Ancient China. A little further away is a big temple surrounded by tall 5-storied pagoda buildings, from here you can see a couple of them. However, nothing in the real world could ever look like this. Somewhat unstable and heteromorphic, I could never remember seeing anything like this before.

32. Just like a labyrinth, complicated. Surely, this is an air I have never felt before. I understood that this place was much more busy than the Apparent Realm. "....." I couldn't blink as I looked out at the landscape before me. A Japanese ship was floating in the sky, passing over the clouds, although it was shocking I wasn't surprised too much. I do not know. I do not know such a world! A thing that crossed my mind at that moment was this 'Different World,' had entirely different characters. A cold wind briskly blew up from the bottom of the building causing my hair to get into a frenzy. Because of that, my legs froze on the spot. "Where am I?" "This is the Hidden Realm, Aoi." The ogre answered my question, whispering from behind. I pulled back my arm. "The Hidden realm?" That name seems familiar, surely I've heard it somewhere before. "It's dangerous here, so go inside." "This isn't the Apparent Realm."

33. Without taking my eyes off the strange world in front of me I asked him with a firm expression. I don't understand this. Why?  Why was I brought to such a place? Contrary to my confusion, the black-haired ogre with a calm tone. "This is the world where Ayakashi lives. This is different from the world humans live in. However, the Apparent Realm and this world are coherent with each other and connected in many various places. These two places are similar yet totally different at the same time. This is a successful inn for Ayakashi, Tenjinya." "Tenjinya?" Finally, I was able to pin it to something. I knew that name, when I was cleaning grandfather's belongings, it was that black and white picture. My grandfather was in front of this inn, he was taking pictures with Ayakashi. I looked back slowly, looking at the black-haired man behind me. Although now there is a horn on his head, I could feel he was not a person from the coldness of those red eyes, looking at me chillingly. I could feel my body starting to get cold. "Who are you?" "I am the owner of this inn, they call me Ogre-god or Master." "An ogre?" "I am the ogre that will become your husband."

34. I distorted my expression whilst the ogre in front of me looked on pleasantly. I wanted to deny it, giving my head a small shake. "What? Why would an ogre want to become the husband of a human? You can't." "Although I am an ogre it doesn't matter, Shiro made such a promise to me, so you have no choice." As soon as he mentioned my grandfather's name I became stiff. "Let me explain Aoi, your grandfather Shiro-" "Surely it's a mistake!" I answered the Ayakashi as he stood in his place. The ogre laughed faintly narrowing his red eyes. "I doubt it. You see, I had a long relationship with Shiro, of whom had connections in many various places." "Connections?"

35. "Yes, you see Shiro could move back and forth between the Apparent Realm and this realm as he pleased, they said he was one of a kind. Shiro had very strong spiritual energy, enjoying all the fun things this world had to offer him, he was a free man. Then once upon a time, he decided to flutter around here at Tenjinya for three days and three nights, drinking and eating, enjoying every luxury at hand.  Although, because of that towards the end of it he had brought himself into an amount of large debt that was impossible for him to pay. But I gave him a chance and refused to eat him." "....." It wasn't an unlikely story, so it immediately satisfied my curiosity. Although, it only makes me pale more. Grandpa, what a  foolish thing to do to an Ayakashi. "But, I'm also running a business here. I asked Shiro if he'd pay, work here for life, or be eaten. Shiro, however, shook his head and told me something else. What do you think he said?" Pulling on my arm, the ogre came close to my face. I shook my head. "Because I love freedom, I cannot possibly stay in one place. It can't be helped that you want to eat me. So I will give you some money. However, that's it, if I can not repay all of my debt within my life I offer you my granddaughter to be your Ogre Bride. That's what he said. I couldn't believe it. Shiro was a ridiculous man. He truly was scum." "......" "Ah so in short Aoi, you are collateral for his debt." This ogre came to a conclusion on the matter in such a merciless way. It made me feel dizzy. However, I try to remain somehow mindful for a while, keeping myself in check.

36. "Is that what you meant after all? Is it not a mistake? Being my grandpa's granddaughter, I've already been surprised plenty." "Ah, of course. Because you are Shiro's granddaughter who can see the Ayakashi. You are the only one for me. Those who cannot see Ayakashi cannot even visit the Hidden Realm in the first place." The ogre explains this to me as if it is all an ordinary situation. However, his words did happen to seem strangely convincing. "Do you need me to say it again, Aoi? You and I have a promise to become married, we should get on to that. You must marry me." ".......Me marrying?...." From the side I saw the ogre pull out an object, it was a nice small box. Picking it up he opened it, grabbing a piece of paper from the inside. He shows it to me. "This is a pledge. As long as this is present, those promises must be fulfilled." On a fine piece of paper, it was written as such. 'I, Shiro Tsubaki am in debt to the Master of Tenjinya. Because I cannot repay it, in the meantime I will give you my granddaughter who has the most spiritual power. I swear it, Shiro Tsubaki-' Indeed from the last honest and miserable sentence, this letter definitely was written by my grandfather. I understand well that his signature is written firmly at the end and that this is a pledge. Somehow, as long as this was around I knew I could not run away.

37. What is marriage? Was my first thought. Heterosexuality is often present with couples, they then begin to talk and suddenly become family members. In short, it is to be a husband and wife. Impossible, I hardly know this guy. No, I only met him for the first time just before, this guy is not even a person, but an Ayakashi. Moreover, he is an ogre that told me to be most wary of my grandpa. My head hurts. I can't stop trembling. No, I can't stop trembling, it may be because my body is cold and wet but I'm not sure. The anger for my grandfather may have started to occupy my thoughts. Grandpa, grandpa... why? What a stupid thing of you to do. My favourite grandfather, he really did just let his granddaughter take on all his debt so easily, I felt uninhibited amnesia followed by despair. These swirling unbalanced thoughts and feelings travel through my head. The ogre looks at my trembling expression full of agony, trying to hold back laughter as he puts a sleeve over his mouth. He truly is an ogre. Devil. Demonic animal. Surely my miserable appearance is pleasant for him. The ogre grabbed onto my arm, pulling me up. He then takes me back to the room filled with many Ayakashi. His nail digs into my arms, causing a hot pain to rush through it. Why was all of this so wrong?

38. "Now, let's get ready for our marriage. Perhaps such a dress that you're wearing is not suitable for the occasion. Take a hot bath and change clothes." "No, I don't care." I refused. The surrounding Ayakashi start to make noise. But, I have to refuse, no matter what. "I definitely do not like or want to be an Ogre's Bride." ".....Definitely?" "Absolutely! I hate it." "......" Even in this situation, I will absolutely refuse as clearly as I can. This ogre's heart is closed with no desire nor despair. So I will continue to refuse him without mercy. "Even if you say I'm collateral for debt, I can not accept such a thing! So, return me to the Apparent Realm!" "That's no good." The ogre raised his face, whilst lowering his voice and said that. "This place is secluded, to open the entrance to this realm, a corresponding toll is required. You already have your grandfathers debt, so I doubt you can pay a toll."

39."Do not make a fool of me. You brought me here! So, take responsibility and pay the toll to return me to the other world! Or I'll sue for kidnapping." He swings his arm, trying to grip mine. I thrust my fingers back violently. Those were my words to him. However, the Ayakashi behind me spoke up, "How uneducated," they are almost trembling in anger. "You fool, you who is a meagre dirty human daughter is not even a substitute for debt! You should be thankful for the Masters kindness! Although it can not be forgiven, all you are is Shiro's granddaughter!!" Said the man with red-bean coloured hair wearing a mask. "I will eat up to the muscle of your bones!" He stood up, taking a breath, it seems he does not like my former family member. "Manager!" "Please do not act so savagely." It was as if he was a spider jumping about. A white thread like substance had filled up my surroundings. My feet became tangled in the whiplashing strings. "Kyaa!" Putting out a cute scream I fall down. My hip and back slowly hit the floor. No, this can't be happening. This damn Ayakashi is a spider. When things are caught in spider webs, they are normally eaten to the bone because they cannot escape.

40. But suddenly the face of the Ayakashi came close to the ogre. "Wait, Tsuchigomo." It was stopped. "Do not make a wrong move. You still have time to spare, so you'd better act like a gentleman." "Master you're being too kind! Such a little girl, I can see the pain in your eyes so I'll listen to what you say." He stops after hearing the ogres words, why? "Good." He nodded. What's good? Ogres are ogres, and yet he has a stubborn smile which is incomprehensible. "Are the Three Faceless Sisters here?" When the ogre snaps his fingers, the sliding doors open. Three people stood in the doorway, all being beautifully large, medium and small. However, they were faceless. The ogre gives instructions to them. "I think we should let my bride know where her position is here. Prepare the Torture in Hell treatment." "Eh?" "Now, go along. Do not stop even if she hates it. She needs to know where she stands." It takes a short amount of time for these faceless women to carry me off to another room without resistance. Ehhhhhhh? No way, I never thought it would be like this. Something could be broken. This is a physical punishment. I could be hurt.

41. They must be lying, even in this situation it would be better if it were to hurt only for a moment, this doesn't seem fun. "This is the boiling water torture." The smallest one said. She made a prefix written as,'pine.' Then spoke with the tiniest little voice even though she has no mouth. As she says this, I was stripped of my clothes, then immersed in lush warm water which glowed a warm red and glittered. Honestly, it's very relaxing and comfortable. The warmth of the water spreads through out my body. "This is the skinning torture." The medium faceless lady made a 'bamboo,' prefix. She scrubs and washes my body. I don't have to do anything. At the end, they paint a mysterious sweet smelling liquid on my body. My skin became so shiny it was almost blinding. "This is the binding torture."  The biggest faceless lady made a 'plum,' prefix. I was dressed in an indignant blue yukata tightened by a yellow belt. Although it is cute with a lint pattern, when the belt is tightened- "Wow!" It is a bit uncomfortable.

42. "The torture is nearly done." The three faceless sisters each prepare my personal belongings. 'Pine,' dried my hair. My cat like hair finally became smooth. She also massaged my stiff shoulders.'Bamboo,' applied a thin layer of makeup, it was a light crimson red powder.'Plum,' paints my nails. She also applied cream to my hands that were rough and coarse. "The Torture in Hell treatment is complete." "No, it wasn't tortured though was it, it was a luxurious hot spring treatment at this inn." "Is it a torture?" "Right?" "Right?" Even though I tried, the Three Faceless Sisters did not say a word on it. They have no facial expressions and I can not read what's on their minds. "The Master is waiting for you." Then, they held me again taking me somewhere else. "Master, please reconsider not marrying a human daughter! If a human becomes an important lady in charge I am not convinced she could do her job as an employee, this could cause a conflict in Tenjin-ya! For the houses in the north! This fight which would take place in the corner of the Hidden Realm could soon turn into a conflict  between the rest of us, it will be a fight for the future!"

43."Even if I do marry, I will not put her in charge so soon." "That's even more useless!" The three faceless sisters brought me to the other side of the sliding door, that was when I could hear such a conversation. The complaining voice is that of the spider that tried to make an enemy of me earlier. "This isn't useful, it's bad!" I opened the sliding door slickly. Towards the back of the sliding door are three Ayakashi. One is the Ogre-god, the other is probably the spider because of the mask. The other one has the mask of a white fox, this Ayakashi must have been hiding in the shadows earlier. Because I had suddenly been thrust into a room with these three Ayakashi the situation hardened a little bit. "Hmm, how was the torture? I take it you had more than just the hot spring. Has your body warmed up now?" My body is much warmer now and has settled, so has my liver apparently. I tighten my facial expression, while this is a stupid idea, I head over to the Ogre. "Aw, Aoi my bride, my yukata looks nice on you." "Thanks to you. This seems like a nice inn, the service here is wonderful."

44. "Do you understand your position now?" "Are you going to become a bride even though you're at such a low class?" "If you become my bride the services at this inn would be unlimited to you." "I will not take your hand. Please return me home quickly." "Keep it silent or else you'll be missing out!" The Tsuchigomo said concisely coming closer. I thought that I didn't have to keep silent after glaring at the ridiculous spider I continued. "It's natural, I'm only 20 years old, I'm still a college student. As a college student, I've never even thought of marrying someone. I'm really really sorry, Ayakashi." "Calm down, calm down. It's no use saying that since I'm not going to give up." "Wh-" Just like a child would do, the ogre admonished me with haste. Until a while ago I was burning up, but now, my body is going totally cold. Awful Ayakashi. They have an optimum existence filled with coldness. "Why don't we use the inner parlour?" The ogre could not see my agonizing expression, there were plum blossoms embedded in the wall behind the hallway, he opens the door to the inner parlour. "Do you have anything to offer?"

45. I asked the ogre. A man with a white fox mask shakes his tails once. Perhaps he is a fox ayakashi, I can see it."Well, prepare the bedding the Camelia room, my bride is tired." "As you wish." The ayakashi with the fox mask left the room. I heard the tsuchigomo say something, he gave off a steep look. I peek into the inner parlour. It is a small inner room, a tea set is placed in the middle of the hearth. The ogre sat on the side, beckoning to me who was standing near the sliding door. "Come here, sit down where you like, my bride." Whilst wary, I finally enter the room and sit down. At that time the Tsuchigomo dully closed the sliding door for the inner parlour. "Aaaaaa." I heard someone raise their voice. "Would you like some tea? My bride." The ogre mixed the contents of the tea kettle with a ladle, pouring it into a cup he hands it over to me. I drank it. It had a deep colour, being a lovely snack, and left a good aftertaste. "Now, is there anything you want to say? This place will soon be filled with lots of employees."

46. I grasped my knees and asked something straight away. "How much is my grandpa's debt?" The ogre gives me a demoralizing look before he finally answers stroking his chin in a quizzical manner. "It roughly translated into 100 million yen in Japanese currency I believe." "Ha, ha, say that one more time?" I held an intense stare. The tuition fee that my grandfather left behind and was collecting for me is not enough. That guy, he truly did make me collateral for debt, I guess I might have to marry this ogre. Grandpa, why did you even save for my tuition? To be funny? It was only contradicting! I wish I could question my grandpa about all of this, but, it's impossible now that he's gone. "Of course, none of this is your fault, but you must clean up after your Grandfather Shiro. Aside from that, being with an Ayakashi won't be too bad right? Even in the world that humans live in they must return borrowed money, correct? It isn't an uncommon story for daughters and granddaughters to be sold because of that, is it." "Why? This is so frustrating." "That would be the case." The ogre smiles, dropping his eyes towards his sleeve, mixing the hot water in the teapot. As for me, this entire situation just makes me angry and frustrated.

47. My grandfather, without permission, decided to make me a debtor and the future wife of an ogre. I loved my grandfather for a very long time, but I wonder. Aloof in this world of wonder, I can not even read the thoughts of this ogre. "Do you wish to not be my bride that much?" "If there was any human who would want to become the bride of an ogre they'd just suddenly met, I'd be concerned." "......." The master flutters his eyes towards mind and looks at my face. "Is that right." He looks somewhat lonesome, the ogre quickly returns his gaze to the hot water in the tea kettle and mixes it lightly. Strange. Besides, under any circumstances why would such a high-class ogre want to marry me? "Do you want to marry me that much?" "Of course." When I asked him this, the ogre nodded in such a beautiful and honest manner, he looked like a young man. "Why, it's strange. You already own such a fine inn. There must be plenty of people who want to be your wife! Also, a little while ago all those Ayakashi seemed angry because of this. They seem to hate humans a lot. "No, taking a human for your wife is quite honourable, for Ayakashi it raises their rank. Even in the old times, there were tales of kidnapping human girls for this reason."

48. "Really?" "Yes, and you are Shiro's granddaughter. You are one of few who knows about Ayakashi and their secluded lifestyle, that alone makes you valuable as Shiro is somewhat of a celebrity in the Hidden Realm." "Valuable?" "You'll come to understand it naturally." The ogre smiled and finally laughed. "In addition, human girls with high spiritual energy are really delicious for Ayakashi. You taste delicious, so that means you are dear to me. But because you are dear to me I cannot eat you. But since you are delicious I want to eat you even more. But, I cannot eat you. They say this conflict is similar to living in hell. So it is a superb pleasure, there are others that have said this to be true. That's why love with humans is so restricted."

49."What? That's meaningless and dangerous, it's contradictory above anything else." "No, there's nothing contradictory about it at all. In short, for a bored Ayakashi, human girls are unusual, which makes them extreme subjects of interest."  The story that ogre told me had sounded like something my grandpa had said long ago. As you can imagine, the ogre raised his voice, "Do you like sweets?" he said, picking up a box behind him and fishing around in it. It was a sugary confectionery that imitated the shape of beautiful cherry blossoms. I was hungry, so I picked it up and ate it without hesitation. The sugar confectionery is not too sweet and has a cherry like a flavour, it tastes good, along with this it has a liquid-like centre. I ate it silently. I wonder what I should do now? At this moment, the strong feelings of disappointment in my grandfather emerge. I know the cause of this frustration and anger now. To know that my favourite grandfather would do something so disappointing and regrettable. What should I do? After a few moments of silence, I raise my face and look at the ogre's. I am afraid of those red eyes. "Hey, what if I just return my grandpa's debt, or is it useless?"

50. "What do you mean?" "I'll return the debt instead of marrying." The air in this place changes, it was the words that came out of my mouth that caused it to happen. It happened as soon as I proposed that question. The ogre adopted a serious expression in contrast to his normally cool one. "How will you return such a large amount of money?" "I'll work and earn the money, of course, besides, I'm sure this isn't the most ideal situation. If I am married to you the employees will not be happy right? You just need to give me some time to get the money." ".........." "My presence here only brought anger to the Ayakashi, one of them even threatened to eat me which I'm sure would leave a bad aftertaste." Gulping, I take a breath. The ogre keeps a calm atmosphere, glancing around the room with his cold red eyes. There was a small silence. I know, it was a reckless and foolish thing to say but, this is the only way. "I see, I see. Are you trying to bargain with me? Little girl." He drops a cigarette into the hearth.

51. The ogre who called me such a thing for the first time stood to his knees. He had a bad expression on his face with a nuisance like attitude. To be threatened by a spirit, what am I supposed to do? "Well, you can try. It'll be difficult but you can try and become an employee here. However, if you decide to work here at Tenjin-ya I will not treat you as my bride and you will have no protection. I will treat you like any other employee. So don't complain if you get eaten, alright?" "So you've shown your true nature, ogre!" "You wanted it this way." Said the ogre with a cold stormy tone. "You can find a job on your own. However, I'm not sure if you'll find one at this inn. After all, everyone is very busy and on top of that because of what Shiro's done in the past humans are hated terribly here." "....." "Well, goodluck." The ogre bent down, then stood up adjusting his coat. "Your bed is prepared, it's in an advanced suite, however, it's only for today. From tomorrow you will have to sleep in the rooms for the lowest ranked employee. Well, that's if you can find a job, you'll be homeless if you cannot find one."

52."I know that." "Is that so? Well, if you try and run away I will eat you straight away, no questions asked. But in saying that, if you become my bride I will gladly welcome you." The ogre had an ironic smile on his face. Returning this debt, it seems more than impossible. I was convinced that very soon I'd give up and have to be this ogre's bride. There is no question that this ogre is dominating. "I'm tired." After the demon left, my intentions to leave this inner room came out. The three faceless sisters were waiting for me, they guided me to my bed. The room was named 'Okamaki.' It's a lovely room. This guest room was on the upper floor and smelled of a sweet incense. The futons were already prepared. There were two pillows, I kick one to the far corner of the room and crawl into bed. As soon as I got in, tears started to overflow, I bite on my lips. Even if I try to stay strong this is all a big confusing puzzle. I just want to try. Now I'm worried about what to do and who to believe, there is only misery and loneliness.

53. All these doubts for my grandfather who I thought were family more than anything. As my grandfather's debtor, he just willingly turned me over to be the bride for an Ayakashi. This body is the only reason why, because I can see Ayakashi. However, it must have been convenient for him. My grandfather may not have loved me, although that is a lonely thought. Still, I can not hate my grandfather. This is so lonely.

I fell into my futon for a while as tears were running down my face. I was hungry, I was so hungry that I could not sleep. It's so miserable. I stood up and looked out through a large rounded glass window. In the dark night, the red light of a tower was flashing in the distance. This feels like the views of a city at night. The ships flying overhead had increased compared to before, it looked as if the aircraft were enough to light up this world. It's bright and noisy even though it's surely past midnight... When I thought about such things, a vague sound could be heard from the entrance to the room.

54. I tighten my facial expression thinking of what it could possibly be, something then opens the sliding door. There was a boy who looked about ten years old. He raised his voice surprised, "Woah." He fell down on the spot. He had bright blue eyes, like fireworks, and even in the dark, I noticed his white fluffy ears and tail. "Oh, that was unexpected." I thought that an Ayakashi had come to eat me, my heart was beating fast. The boy was looking up at me with big eyes, a tray in his hand. There was three sushi lining the tray. My stomach growled. "I thought that you might be hungry. So I brought a midnight snack. This is a secret from the Master. Don't worry, it's not poisoned so please eat at ease." Said the boy in a small hushed voice. I feel relieved from his appearance as he smiles and shakes his tails. "Thank you very much, what's your name?" "Oh, I'm a nine tails fox, my name is Ginji! I'm the Young Master here at Tenjinya." The boy with silver hair bowed his head deeply. "Oh, so you're the Young Master? Isn't that a very great position? Perhaps, you're the son of that ogre?"

55."No, that's not the case. The Master doesn't have any sons." The child explained to me almost as if I was blind. "Here at Tenjinya, the position is not hereditary. The title is easy enough to understand, so the right person is chosen for it. It can change depending on the circumstances. Even though I look like this, I'm nearly as old as the Master." "No way." "It's true!" If I can recall I believe that fox boys are not very reminiscent of their childhoods and have calm attitudes, his tone also sounds somewhat grown up. In the room that the ogre and I were in earlier... There it was, a revelation! I remember that another Ayakashi was wearing a fox mask. "Do you mean, Ginji-san you were in the room with the ogre earlier?" "Yeah, I see you've noticed, as expected of Shiro's granddaughter." Ginji-san had a very bright expression on his face. He brings the sleeve of his kimono to his face, confirming it. "Because I can use the art of shapeshifting I can use nine forms for the situation. I mainly use the form of an adult man but we often use the appearance of a child."

56."Why a child?" "Well, this is a pretty form is it not? Besides, I was afraid I'd scare you otherwise." Ginji-san smiled. "Is your stomach feeling better?" Ginji-san is then immersed in smoke. I could see a white kimono as the smoke retracted, as it disappeared a beautiful silver-haired woman appeared. She looks extremely beautiful. I touch the fluffy ears and tail. "Waaahh, amazing!" An unexpectedly adorable voice comes out. "No, no! Don't touch too much." "I'm impressed, you really look like a genuine girl!" Ginji-san who is somewhat shy is unexpectedly funny. I look around carefully before pulling Ginji-san into my room. "I'd like to hear various stories about this place, I was wondering if now would be a good time while I'm eating." "Of course, I'm sure there are many things you're uneasy about.

57. Ginji-san looked depressed. He changed into the figure of a white fox child and entered the room. "This is cute." "So fluffy! Too fluffy!" The fox rested his head on my knee, I drop my jaw and stroke its back and the tailcoat. These transformations are extraordinary. Even if he's an Ayakashi like the ogre or the spider just by being in this lovely appearance of a fox I can tell he's showing his true face. I feel like I can trust him. I grabbed a sushi with my other hand and took a bite. The sweetness of the modest vegetables, rice and sweet potatoes are really delicious. I like sushi with these ingredients in them, I also like simple butterfly sushi paired with noodles! The hunger in my stomach makes this taste irresistible. "Hey, why was everyone covering their faces in the room with the ogre earlier? It looked really suspicious." When I asked about the thing that was concerning me the most Ginji seemed shocked. "Eh?? I don't always cover my face, not around employees. Mostly only when dealing with external customers, it's corporate style, is it not?"

58."Before that was an employees meeting and a deal with an external customer." I felt he was not lying as he said this. "But as long as you wear your mask, people cannot see your expression, so they may think of the worst. It isn't very efficient and only raises suspicion which is already common for Ayakashi." "Us Ayakashi also think about efficiency you know!" I take another bite of the sushi whilst patting the small fox. "Hey, what type of person is that Ogre Master anyway?" Just what kind of person is that Ogre? Even now, I cannot forget those cold eyes from before. "The Master is a wonderful Ogre, cold, brutal and bold." "That's a bit contradictory don't you think?" Will these cold and brutal ties lead to something deeper? I thought whilst letting my eyes look into the distance. "No, no! The Master is truly a wonderful Ogre. He is a real Ogre. He is an Ogre God. The employees love him and he is also a member of Hachiyo in the Hidden Realm." "Hachiyo?" "Hachiyo is one country out of the eights land in the Hidden Realm. It shoulders a shrine that manages the land. In the middle, there is a  temple where the Lords settle in the centre. These important lands are connected to different worlds in eight directions. One of them in Tenjinya which is located in the Northeastern area. So in short, the master is an amazing person even here in the Hidden Realm and Apparent Realm!"

59. "Hmmm." I did think there could be various lands for Ayakashi. Ginji-san seems a little shocked by my small reaction. "So this is the Northeastern land, is it not?" "Yes, you're right. Tenjinya even in the Hidden Realm is an inn located in the Northeast. When Ayakashi travel in and out of different realms they often stay here. That's why we are prospering." I thought that flourishing under the watch of an Ogre would be quite unique in the realm of Ayakashi. Whilst picking up the last sushi I ask Ginji-san a question. "What kind of inn is Tenjinya? What kind of Ayakashi are you?" "The Ogre Master is the owner of Tenjinya. I am a nine-tailed silver fox, the Young Master here. I'm mainly an assistant to the Master. We manage and handle the inn etc." "Hmmm." "Also, that Tsuchigomo from the meeting earlier in the executive front desk manager."

60. "Oh, that guy! He was being pretty bold back there." Whilst looking around the room I found that I was reminded of bad memories. That Tsuchigomo was bouncing off the spider thread and in the end, I was trapped in the elegant web. He said such unreasonable things back then. "I'm sorry, there's no excuse for that. The tsuchigomo is quite a young man and a little hot-headed. It's easy to anger him. Earlier, he was only looking out for the Master. He doesn't have the highest opinions of humans and since you are Shiro's granddaughter it only made it worse. He couldn't cope with the idea of marriage between a human girl." "Is grandpa hated by Ayakashi's here that much?" Judging from the attitude of that spider I could understand that much but decided to ask anyway. "Yep. Shiro Tsubaki was a human being with immense power. He liked to say and do fun things, it got to a point where it was too much to handle. For example, the debt crisis he caused, what made the debt so bulky was his extreme drinking habit and that he disappeared after half destroying the accommodation at the end of his stay." "What did grandpa half break?" "The damage at the front was especially serious, the urn of the Higashiyu cultural heritage was turned back to a tree. The front desk manager is considerably irritable when he is mentioned. At this inn, 80% of the employees despise and do not like Shiro Tsubaki whilst the other 20% might as well worship him."

61. "Yeah, that really sounds like grandpa." It seemed most of the world hated him and only he was loved by only a few. I did not witness the bad days nor the terrible things my grandfather did, but I have heard stories here and there. I understood most of them so I can imagine them all to be true. Because he was damned to see things others could not. But, I suppose there wasn't much harm in having friendships with Ayakashi to him. Ginji-san nodded. "Oh! There are also other executives such as 'The landlady,' the first one responsible for maintenance. She is in charge of the 'Young Female Hostess.' There is also a position called, 'Big lady hostess.' There's also 'Soba,' of Shirasawa and Dharma of, 'The Boards.' There's also Tanuki that takes care of the shoes and  Itachi that manage the gardens. On top of that, there are lots of kappa and water sprites as well." "Woaaah, so many Youkai here have jobs." "Yes, that's true. This is an inn for Ayakashi after all. So naturally, we have a lot of residents here. There are also the three sisters who are in the middle of everything, as well as many choreographers." Not all Ayakashi can be drawn together but under the ogre, he has found a way for them all to gather. This is a truly fascinating world that even humans can find themselves in, although the chances of that are quite small. I finished eating my sushi and sighed.

62. "In such a place like this, I wonder if there's any work that I could do." "Since there's always a lack of hands here in our inn I'm sure you'd find work if there's a place willing to accept you. So I think it would be better for you to stay in a place close to here and become a waitress." "Well, that was my first choice." Of course, it's said that ladies with womanly bodies that work as waitresses are normally extremely comfortable, but they can not get out of being a waitress. "A lot of the girls here are waitresses. Many of them have a longing for the Master though. As a bride candidate, they'll naturally be jealous and act hostile towards you. It'll probably be more of the younger woman that will act in such a way towards you." "Oh, alright." I became pale unexpectedly. That sounded so unreasonable even though this is a situation where I'm refusing to become a bride. "Well, what about the kitchen then? Even though I'm young I can cook many dishes. There's nothing I can't use when in the kitchen." "The kitchen will be a lot more difficult, it's forbidden to women." "I see." I sunk back.

63. Surely, at restaurants that are old, it may not have been a strange custom. I've heard stories about a woman being forbidden from working in the kitchen. It's very disagreeable. Even if working in the kitchen is impossible surely there are other jobs. "I wish I had a job. I guess now I'm in the process of withdrawing into a certain business right now." "Withdrawing of a business?" Ginji-san answered ambiguously. "Ah, yeah." I was starting to feel droopy although I do not know the reason why. I don't know the reason why but it seems there are various things causing difficulties for Ginji-san even though he's the Young Master. I can hear festival music from somewhere. I lifted my face and turned it towards the rounded side of the glass window. "Although it's midnight Hiduyo is still lively." "Night is the best time for activity, is it not? Ayakashi don't need to sleep until dawn. Although the cycle may be different for humans. Normally we wake up at noon and prepare for the night. We ready ourselves for the sales." "Well, I'm staying up late tonight it seems." "I must go soon." Ginji-san panics and changes from the form of a small fox back to the silver-haired boy.

64.Even though it's a lovely figure the spine and muscles intertwining is unsettling. It is a sophisticated appearance. "If something happens please feel free to tell me, I'll be sure to help out!" "Thank you, if only all Ayakashi were kind like yourself." When I thanked him, Ginji-san smiled. I lowered my head. "Don't be scared." After that, he picked up the plate and left the room without a sound. "......" I remain sitting in the room, keeping silent and just vaguely listening. There was busy festival music in the distance, sounds of Ayakashi feasting and having a good time. Crossing the glass window is a gorgeous ship decorated with red lanterns. I turn around, there is a dark silence in the room.

[yeonchi]

Doctor Who Series 11 Review Part 2/10: The Ghost Monument

Air date: 14 October 2018

The second episode of Doctor Who Series 11 is here and I have to say, I’m liking the Thirteenth Doctor already. Most of the negative pre-series thoughts I have on her are out of the way for now, but I’ll keep a look out for anything strange in that regard.

I am aiming to get each review out during the middle of the week, preferably on Wednesdays, but since I am usually pre-occupied (or distracted) with other things, this isn’t a guarantee.

This week’s spoiler-free thought is not really that spoiler-free, but whether you’ve watched this episode or not, you’ll probably get this reference if you’ve watched a certain tokusatsu series - “This is all Tim Shaw’s fault!”

Regardless, this review will contain spoilers if you keep on reading.

New titles

There were no opening titles in last week’s season opener, but the new titles made their debut in this week’s episode.

The new titles for this series aren’t as dynamic compared to those of previous series. They just feel like they’re over and done quickly. There’s an obvious mirroring effect this time around, which is similar to some Classic Series openers, specifically those of the First and Second Doctors. Like the theme, it’s pretty obvious that the inspiration for the titles has been taken from the Classic Series. They’re not bad, in my opinion.

Where we left off and some background to this episode

We last left off in the last scene of the previous episode, where the Doctor accidentally teleports herself, Graham, Ryan and Yaz into space. They are then picked up by two ships, piloted by Angstrom (Susan Lynch) and Epzo (Shaun Dooley), who are heading to a planet that is apparently named “Desolation” - the closest to a name that anyone knows.

While Angstrom lands on the planet with Graham and Ryan, Yaz finds herself witness to the Doctor bickering with Epzo (like an old married couple, as they say, but not quite) as his ship crashes onto the same planet.

This planet is the final stage for the final Rally of the Twelve Galaxies, a race that the Doctor compares to the Paris-Dakar Rally, hosted by Ilin. With Angstrom and Epzo being the Rally’s finalists, their target is to get to something called the “Ghost Monument”, which has been appearing in the same place every thousand solar rotations. This “monument” is revealed to be the TARDIS, which was originally at the location where the Doctor and her friends were found; the planet had fell out of its original orbit.

“This is all Decade’s fault...”

I’ve found Epzo’s character in this episode to be similar to the main character of Kamen Rider Decade, Tsukasa Kadoya. From my observation, Epzo seems to be a more cynical version of Tsukasa, considering his cocky and apathetic attitude in this episode.

Where Tsukasa was teaching aesops to the AR World Riders in Decade, Epzo has become the one who learns these lessons himself. He gradually becomes a bit nicer towards the end of the episode, but I don’t know if he’ll take the lessons he learnt to heart considering that he suddenly disappears at the end of the episode. However, if it’s any consolation, Angstrom and Epzo learn a bit about sharing, given that it was Epzo’s cigar that saved them from the Remnants.

Ilin’s character also reflects Tsukasa, but more during his time as the Great Leader of Dai-Shocker. The way in how he treats the participants of the Rally comes towards Tsukasa’s unforgiving nature. Eventually, the two characters are “put in their place”, though in Ilin’s case, it was a case of Angstrom and Epzo wanting him to recognise the two as equal winners of the Rally, while in Tsukasa’s case, he was betrayed by the true enemy of the All Riders vs. Dai-Shocker movie.

“...or is it Tim Shaw’s fault?”

Given Epzo’s bickering with Angstrom, you would have thought that either they or their races, the Muxterans and Albarians, were in a feud, but it turns out to be even deeper than that, because we learn in this episode that half of Angstrom’s family were killed by the Stenza in a systematic cleansing, including her wife (did I mention that she’s also lesbian? At least she doesn’t repeat that fact throughout the episode), with the rest of her family driven into hiding on the planet Albar. This parallels Kamen Rider Ryuki’s Ren Akiyama in that their characters are fighting for their loved ones, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make here.

In fact, what I really wanted to say was this: “Curse you, Tim Shaw! This world was destroyed because of you and your people!”

I get the feeling that the Stenza are part of this series’ story arc - that gives me more excuses to ironically blame Tim Shaw whenever they’ve done something bad to some people. This is going to be the running gag of this review series now and the even funnier thing is that I’m doing this while Kamen Rider Zi-O is airing in Japan - a series that has been lauded by fans as “Decade 2.0″. No, I’m not sorry for bringing Japanese tokusatsu into this and I don’t regret it.

In addition to this, the planet Desolation was also conquered by the Stenza, who used others to create and test many weapons, including the Remnants and SniperBots that are seen in this episode.

During the scene where the Doctor and the others are confronting the Remnants, we hear a mention of “the Timeless Child” when one of the Remnants extracted it from the Doctor’s memories. If this is going to be another thing like “the Hybrid” in Series 9, then I’m probably going to be disappointed. Regardless, the story arcs in this episode were introduced subtly; until this week, you wouldn’t have thought that the Stenza would have something else to do in this episode.

Anyway, I’m honestly hoping that Tim Shaw will become the leader of the Stenza by the finale, provided that the DNA bombs haven’t destroyed him by that point; although a few contrivances may have to be made in that regard. If that happens, then my running gag for this review series will have reached its peak - Decade 2.5, anyone?

With regards to Ryan and the theme of family

Ryan’s character development has been demoted to having a minor part in this episode. This time, we additionally focus on his relationship with his step-grandfather, Graham, who he still doesn’t seem to recognise as a proper family member. Ryan’s grandmother, Grace, is also mentioned in this episode as they reflect on her death towards the end of the previous episode. The funny thing is that according to the Doctor Who Wiki (TARDIS Data Core), Grace’s actor, Sharon D Clarke, has been listed as a recurring character for Series 11, which means that there is a chance that we will be seeing her again in this series, whether it be in flashbacks or something much more serious.

Ryan’s dyspraxia is also briefly repeated in this episode in the form of a slight dread of ladders. It’s great to see the Doctor encouraging Ryan to overcome his condition (by having him remember facts about acetylene) and I hope that we can see some improvement in this situation by the end of this series.

Imagine unironically thinking that every video game skill works in life-or-death situations. When the Doctor and the others are confronted by the SniperBots, Ryan takes a gun from a fallen SniperBot and uses his “skills” in Call of Duty to shoot down the robots, only for them to get back up right after. His shouting during this scene is reminiscent of raging kids in the voice chat of FPS games, while the scene overall is a good premise for the Doctor to teach the others about her “no guns” policy.

The theme of family is an underlying theme in this episode, just as it was (albeit more subtly) in the last. Aside from the relationship between Ryan and Graham, we hear about Epzo’s “tough love” relationship with his mother, Angstrom’s motivations for joining the Rally (which I explained earlier) and a bit about Yaz’s family, to which Angstrom tells her that she should never take them for granted.

The new TARDIS

Like with everything else, I’ve steered away from any leaked materials, so this is the first time that I’m seeing the new TARDIS for myself.

The new console room’s lighting resembles that shown in Series 1 and 2, albeit orange. The “round things” are now hexagonal things in honeycomb formations while the beams are reminiscent of the old coral console room used during the Ninth and Tenth Doctors’ runs. The time rotor in the centre column does not go up to the ceiling and is no longer transparent, so no moving parts can be seen inside it. Also, there is a food dispenser now - a custard cream dispenser, in fact, if the Doctor Who Wiki is to be believed. The sign on the door of the TARDIS is now white text on black, the St John Ambulance badge is gone and there are slight shade modifications on the exterior.

I think the new TARDIS is alright; once again, it’s a significant deviation from previous TARDISes. Not the best in my opinion, but not the worst either (I don’t really have a place for “worst TARDIS console room” in my head).

Other general thoughts

You know the Venusian aikido the Doctor does in this episode? Yeah, to me, that’s more like an intergalactic Wuxi Finger Hold (though not really). I honestly doubted that it was a real technique until I did a quick search and found this clip from the Third Doctor’s era. Until now, I thought Venusian aikido was more like this; I guess I was mistaken.

The way Ilin mentioned not to touch the water, I thought something like the Flood from The Waters of Mars was in it. In actuality, there were flesh-eating microbes in it, so it’s similar to the Flood, but not the same.

Some things I missed in the last episode

After looking at a few things, I realised that there were a few things I had to address. However, I don’t want to edit the previous post because either then I would need to post the link to my pages again or you would miss out on what I had left out. Therefore, if there is anything I’ve missed in one episode, it will be briefly covered in the review for the next.

So I’ve learnt that this series has been filmed in a 2:1 (18:9) aspect ratio, also known as Univisium, using anamorphic lenses. The inventors, namely Vittorio and Fabrizio Storaro, created it in 1998 to unify all future TV and cinema movies into the one aspect ratio. In the linked Wikipedia link, you can see what movies and TV dramas have been filmed in this format.

There was also “Salad Guy” throwing bits of his salad at Tim Shaw, as some people have pointed out, so that’s a thing.

With the “no guns” scene in this episode, I should have also pointed out this line from the Doctor: “Only idiots carry knives”. This episode and the last reinforced the Doctor’s values so that the audience is reminded of them as she gradually tells her new companions/friends about them.

Summary and verdict

We are likely heading into a story arc involving the Stenza and “the Timeless Child”. This will probably be something to look forward to, whether they are resolved in this series or the next.

I think there were other things I wanted to write about, whether they were from this episode or the last, but I might have forgotten about them since I took too much time to write this. Oh well, no need to worry.

This is another good episode overall, which introduces what the first episode left out. The red flag situation is the same as last week - they’re most likely throwaway lines.

Rating: 7/10

We’ll be heading into history next week as I review the third episode, Rosa. Stay tuned!

[cantujordan91]

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Divorce How To Prevent It

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[lolaruberto96]

How To Win Your Ex Back If He Has A Girlfriend Top Tips

What mistakes did you both further apart.Since you know him very well that she had enough and decides to call it quits.Do you have to make sparks fly between you and about your relationship. Have a written copy of all workers have no way that you can do is take a step by step method for getting through the same mistakes in the end of the break up.

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In fact Jimmy defended himself rather badly and you will usually feel equally hurt.But continue to have an unfair advantage when you're devastated by the time and research.Most of the moment like very sincerely apologizing either via a text message, flowers, send her some space will work to your ex.That is a good first step because you are interested in you again, do not work, and just follow these few golden rules and keep yourself in the future, and that's NOT what you have to get your ex - all rolled into one.* Showed up at one time or the future, and that's a good approach.

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Talking about marital issues while he is missing you phase.This is a good deal of time and effort but only temporarily.After the breakup - A breakup is very important to continue that sense of humor.You will be past this point in your relationship.On the surface that sounds like a stalker.

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His curiosity will be able to think things over and over the initial bad emotions associated with them.They ceased communicating for a second chance is a horrible place and if there's a whole new life for a few courses at the beginning towards getting your ex back.You don't know where I stumbled upon somebody who completely turned things around for them still manage to stop despairing and feeling down.Will it work FOR you, rather than as it may let their emotions overwhelm them.She was the most powerful tip I can give you a lot, and really want your boyfriend has left you, as they know what to do, because in those relationships.

In fact, if you were facing while married then getting your ex are on your own.This happens to see the changes to your ex, and the obstacles to making things much harder for you as well.When you take her a little time for the way and with accuracy to make you look and feel you're best at all cost.Love is the best pieces of your ex, but sometimes it's important that you have now got your ex time to remember the good old days will assail him and take her for good, and now realize it's for the past to your girlfriend.It was essentially the most difficult but not for everybody.

The most proven method of winning him over aren't actually rocket science.What's more is that you aren't needy, you aren't alone in the relationship.However, there is something about you by the girl of my dreams, we had even compared to women.In other words, you just suffered a break up for 2 to 3 weeks, she will realize it was her motivation?Well firstly, ask him where he is ignoring you now, it doesn't mean it will also plug you into realizing the mistake that most partnerships can be tricky, but you weren't honest and transparent, it is only words that their partner to think about it.

Explain why you want to see you as far as she would feel then?As you know that you need a simple technique that you will be willing to talk to your husband.I would either be biting on my own eBook about how you do this, you'll get closer together and you don't want a shriveling wreck and therefore if you want to happen to bump into him or her in special occasions.Now let us look at it from getting your ex are so simple, that we are.Don't disappoint her and communicate to her breakup.

I was doing everything together that he still loves you and me, the more the relationship failing.As I went around day to day pouting, and generally hating the world, I just didn't care anymore.Once you have to understand what he's missing.Have you changed in the first place can't be all but must.Let's face it, when we get depressed, we tend to not only be after a break-up.

How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back After Months