#istg i am a fucking idiot sometimes

[avid-idiot]

So I flushed my card down the toilet...

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.

anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.

She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”

yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.

all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.

[daiseukiis]

SHARE A THOT ABOUT F/Os

i have no idea what you're talking about bestie

EDIT OH I AM SO DUMB

RE-EDITNG AND ADDING JSDFW

kaiser - i actually started liking this stupid koolaid hair dipped man because of a few smaus. yk those like scenerios of like 1/2 ss yea... fell for him there. i dont even know why i have so much appeal to him, probably because he's s smug cocky little shit and his tattoos honestly get me. but still, that little ass needs to be humbled and i am here all for it ;)

despite me and him like being so suffocatingly flirtly with him that almost everyone hates it, they also appreciate the times that i am the only one that can smack his stupid ass up right again and humble him. he really does listen to me, and he most likely admires my determination and super blunt ass lol. before games he makes sure to kiss me, he thinks it a good luck charm. we play pass sometimes, though i'm not any good at football he still enjoys playing with me ( or so he says he does ). he remembers the small things surprisingly, how i love the colour purple and though not into dresses, loves buying ones with blue roses ( ironically enough, a very pale or royal shade of blue rlly suits me so if he sees it he's buying it ) and he lets me use his card to go shopping!

kise - i cannot get this dumb blonde idiot out of my head like what the actual fuck. when i saw him i'm like oh he's pre cut, but omg the more scenes of him i ended up liking him and how determined he is. esp that scene of kasamatsu telling him off, this guy also needs to be humbled. i rlly liked his character development and i like how it shows that kise isn't just some 'good guy' everyone says he is. also, this bitch has been nerfed so many times in the anime like ??? HE IS UNSTOPPABLE HE ISTG THE STRONGEST GOM AND THEN BOOM INJURED.

me and kise is me turning down his flirtyass sometimes haha, he needs to be humbled like kaiser! he is another that most likely admires me for my attitude. i'm no gom player like him, nor am i like outstandingly amazing at ball, we play tgtr and this stupid asshole never lets me win! i give him pointers since i used to coach, he absolutely loves my dedication to the sport lol. i hate how he teases me, regardless of my competitive dancing background could not for the love of me survive dance dance rev. i hate him for that. we go shopping tgtr and when we go out we're lwk matching ! he dresses me up, i dress him up. he takes me to his modelling gigs sometimes and when they need an extra i model w him :3

sting - my first anime crush ! the owner of my heart, kise, kaiser and everyone else be renting ! ( real ! ) literally would melt again in his presence. pre gmg sting was such an asshole, like he was michael kaiser asshole it is so astonishing. but he actually does care a lot though under that masked cocky crop top he's always in. istg when lector disappeared and he cried for him back rlly stung, and i love how he cares so much about other post gmg !!! like omg, i could fall to my knees im so in love with him it's so crazy.

i would nag at him to do his guild work, because as guild master he really needs to get his shit together or else we can't go on jobs tgtr. he sucks at cooking, so i'm the one who cooks for him; depending on how busy he is doing paper work i'll feed him too! always pecks me a kiss if he has to go on a mission and will always come back with souvenirs for me. he's a bit forgetful, but i can see that he makes up for it for surprise dates, lots of cuddles and kisses.

[screamingaboutaceattorney]

liveblogging the great ace attorney: the adventure of the great departure-trial part 3

hoo boy. been a while, huh? sorry about that, i don't have an excuse. however! i'm here now, for an..... admittedly stupid reason (i saw a compilation of this game's prosecutor objecting and needed to know if it was real or not)

again, sorry for the shitty quality, i can't transfer pics off of my switch for shit. i did add image ids this time though!

reactions under the cut! also i won't have screenshots for all of my thoughts cause i took like a hundred screenshots and there just isn't room

oh shit women weren't allowed in the courtroom unless they were testifying (or on trial probably)? did not know that but also i'm not a lawyer irl nor do i want to be one it kinda sounds like hell

ma'am did you steal this (also love how everyone's crowded behind the defense bench it's very cute)

also apparently susato is sixteen, which means no forced heterosexuality! yay!

something about curare, continuing the long tradition of ace attorney giving fictional elements stupid names (except atroquinine, but i am deeply deeply attached to aa4's characters and story so i might be biased)

edit: i’m an idiot and curare is a real thing. thank you for correcting me @addicted-to-12th-intro!

will you just shut the fuck up

man this poison is like a really fucked up way to die? goddamn

sorry for pics of auchi twice in a row but that's not. there are no rules about this shit

oh she's racist yuck (this might not be a new thing idk it's been over a year since i last played the game)

I'M????????????? MA'AM WHAT THE HELL

AND THEN SHE'S FINE? WHAT THE FUCK

phoenix's true ancestor istg /j

do you think about me being a lawyer often? gayass

bro WHAT

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

GOD THAT'S SUCH A FUNNY SPRITE HOLY SHIT

alright i'm sorry i just had to share that

HOSONAGA WHY AREN'T YOU DOING ANYTHING THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM

AND THEN SHE JUST FUCKING DESTROYED THE EVIDENCE???? WHAT

yeah i can't excuse that actually that was really fucking dumb of you

okay i hate to agree with auchi here i really do but the thing about ryu "just remembering" the bloodstain is pretty out there

hosonaga apparently is here to save my ass and be really. pretty weird actually

like thanks for bringing the evidence but maybe care about what your superiors think of it

also is this a regular occurrence cause if so maybe. do something about that.

cackling at the judge calling hosonaga "man" that's really fucking funny

god okay this next part took me FOREVER cause i didn't realize i could examine the evidence while presenting it and i was down to my last badge before i figured it out it was awful but! i did it!

you do not fucking have one bestie you're like. an english major i'm pretty sure don't quote me on that it's been a while

auchi says i wasn't invited, which i'm fairly certain is incorrect something tells me i was in fact invited to my own trial

in a truly shocking turn of events, the witnesses from the very beginning are back! and when i say "a truly shocking turn of events" i mean "i didn't think anyone cared enough to bring them back after like nineteen hours of the trial"

so see a chiropractor? (sorry)

the witnesses come in and are kinda funny? maybe? idk this trial has been going on for a very long time and my brain is melting out of my ears

hosonaga wants to say something! which thank god he's like the only reliable witness in the courtroom. maybe he's misinformed sometimes but goddamn it seems like he's doing his best

he was at the restaurant looking for a thief which he maybe said before? again this trial is LONG

nosa is apparently the thief of la carneval! which isn't. too surprising tbh that was going to be one of the witnesses and brett is obviously the killer while there's no reason for korekuta to steal from himself

nosa is trying to pin the blame on his infant son which. is quite a choice. a really funny choice, but still. a choice

oh he has a breakdown! it's pretty entertaining tbh i don't really have anything against it

oh fuck this is actually kinda sad

like he just wants to provide for his son and he's not paid hardly at all i feel bad for him

i do kinda wish he wasn't here cause the stuff with him and korekuta is just dragging the trial out longer than necessary but aside from that? i have nothing against this choice

also i love how his mustache is all crumpled after his breakdown and then stays that way for the rest of the trial jgkalsjglkasjg

don't make a persona 5 reference don't make a persona 5 reference don't-

brett wants to leave and like fair enough this whole trial has been going on for way too long i want to leave too but goddammit let me indict you please i'm so tired

didn't phoenix say this to apollo in turnabout trump in regards to the ace /j

brett is going to have tea with the minister of justice which like. how the FUCK do you know them you're studying chemistry or whatever just because you're british does NOT mean you know that guy i'm going insane and losing my mind

GET HER ASS

nosa says he does not have the balls to ask brett if he can hide a stolen item in her food which. fair i wouldn't either and she one million percent killed a man

also why are you shoving you baby back behind your shoulder everyone is aware of him by now

but there was time for snappy naming, apparently

brett is trying to eat her mask now, apparently. doesn't seem like a particularly healthy meal to me but go off ig maybe it's different in britain

the other steak has blood on the plate! hooray! i've won! probably hopefully please god

WHAT THE FUCK THAT SWAN IS ALIVE

goddamn that's a breakdown and a half

is that what you call it

did i call her having a place for a gun in her outfit? i'm so certain i did. it being under her skirt tracks though it's not like anyone could look without. issues.

ma'am this is not a misdemeanor you fucking murdered a man

KAZUMA WHAT

did this bitch just draw his sword in a courtroom and cut off the prosecution's topknot from across the room

AND THEN JUST FUCKING SAY THAT? SAY YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL AND GO, SIR

what the fuck is this mission that the judge is talking about

don't like that expression!

oh ryu's on the witness stand for the verdict, that's cute

FJLKASJGLAKSJGLASG AUCHI HASN'T FUCKING MOVED SINCE KAZUMA CUT HIS TOPKNOT THAT'S REALLY FUNNY

post trial time! apparently kazuma's sword is a family heirloom or something. idk what does it mean when someone says "this is the spirit of my family clan"

he's bringing the sword to britain? good fucking luck with that bestie

oh this man is GAY gay huh

ah. brett's not gonna face consequences for her crimes. fuck

oh susato's so nice and helpful and i appreciate her doing my paperwork for me thank you ma'am

idk, mia, belief in your client?

oh shit i was right

wait. wait fuck. wait fuck the next case is case two how bad are these parallels gonna be shit

i'm already attached too FUCK

yeah that's not gonna be a thing for another hundred years or so idk when this game takes place

oh boy kazuma wants to ask me a favor and ryu has already basically agreed so they're clearly dating (please god let me be wrong about the mia parallels)

again, i am an english student or. whatever

she was in the courtroom for five minutes sir

LMAO THE HOSONAGA DISS

and that's the end of the trial! hopefully the next case won't take nearly as long to get out, but we shall see! until next time!

[khaleesiofalicante]

Damn I feel like it's been forever for some reason lmao. Last week's hell is finally over and I get to relax this week! I'm going out with some friends on Friday and I've also cleared my phone and organized my notes!!! It feels so good😭 Now I have some thoughts about last chapter BECAUSE WOW

First of all fuck Mallory, I hate her and I will never get tired of saying this and I am now divided between wanting to read the next chapter so bad and dreading it with my whole being 🙂

My heart broke into a million pieces with the first part!!! Rafael's fear for Max is shown so damn well and Max's thoughts are messy and all over the place and the way you can see him moving in and out of reality is overwhelming!!

I kinda guessed the "why isn't he smiling?" part but fuck if it ripped my heart 😭😭

"Tears of grief" Max loving him so much he literally recognizes his tears and knows these ones too.... And saying he looks as if he is grieving something that was his everything, not knowing David was grieving him. Grieving them. The life they had built. Gone.

"I wanna see daddy" WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS SCREAMING INTERNALLY ON MY FLOOR!! When we first saw on the first chapters I was so confused and now that the dots connected I am in pain 😭. And you wrote that scene so beautifully, their pain and horror and how you see Max slowly losing himself because it's just too much. The pain is too much. Losing David, Lance's pain, his job, his home...

And the scene with Magnus!!! GOING TO MY FAVE COLLECTION 🥺. Also him giving the band to AJ later, because Magnus said he could give it to someone else when it hurt just a little bit less HOLY SHIT😭😭

I can go on a three hour analysis so Imma stop jdhdjdjkd. BUT THE PRESENT TOO JFC

Max's growth. That ends me everytime. Seeing how much he has changed and how he survived through all of this. Thinking of the was Alec told him how proud he is of Max because he made it. Not the way he planned. But he did it. He got so far, and that took so much strength but he still survived. Same Alec, same🥹

But also the fucking parallel:

"He was careful now (...) Just in case. Just in case he'll get his heart broken all over again."

///

Not without an explanation. Not without getting his heart broken into a million pieces one last time.

Then, just like everything else in life, things slowly got better. This whole fic is a prove of it and I can't even-

YES LANCE CALL HIS IDIOTIC SELF OUT!!! TELL HIM DAVID LOVES HIM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF!!! I WILL NEVER GET TIRED IF HIS SASS BTW

You once said that tlnd was was about acceptance and healing, but IALS is about forgiveness, about learning to forgive the people we love, but mostly about learning to forgive ourselves (I have the receipts don't @ me) and this scene portrayed that so well. Even though Max knows it wasn't his fault he still blames himself. Because knowing is not the same as accepting it. As Max said, shit is hard to internalize.

THIS GOES TO MY TOP 10😭😭 LANCE AND MAX TALKING TO EACH OTHER IS EVERYTHING I KNEW I NEEDED FROM THE VERY START I AM SO EMOTIONAL!!! Also Lance and Max's detective skills together??? ✨ Iconic✨

Tell me how to love you as you want to be loved and I'll do it to give you the comfort and safety you deserve is something I'll never get tired of😭😭 istg I could go on a whole speech about this part because it's so true. Sometimes parents don't love us the way we want to be loved, but that doesn't mean there's no love there. It's just different of what we expect. And sometimes people go their whole lives not knowing of that love and that's just sad.

That is one unproblematic child,” Max noted. “Really doesn’t fit into this clusterfuck of a family.”

“I’m waiting for him to set Hollywood on fire,” Lance informed. “Don’t lose hope yet.”

HOLY SHIT I JUST REALIZED I'M THE ARTHUR OF MY FAMILY. WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE???

I have so many feeling about that apartment and Harry and them but I will not unpack them bc this shit is already long enough 🙂

Their conversation. The way they've both changed so much. Talking about how they wished they were there for Lance and for each other. I was in TEARS

Everything of the last scene was *screams internally* David fucking pushing Max to the wall, stronger than hate. "He's scared of something". Fucking Mon ange, *what did Mallory do to you?"

I just want you to know I will combust into confetti or tears in the next chapter. Probably both...

Anyway this turned long and I better go. Take care and drink lots of tea!!!!

💙.💙.💙.

This made me so 😇😇😇😇 and gave me some motivation to write the next chapter 😭😭😭😭 Thank you 💚💚💚

This is Lance sleeping in Arthur’s room 🥰🥰🥰

[cryptid-called-ash]

i don't actually know anything about servamp truthfully, you just seemed excited in the tags and i wanted to give you a chance to talk about your au, lol if you'll still have me, though, i can give you something open-ended! why this au? what's the potential there that get you so excited to create? like, what do you love about it, you know?

Thanks so much 🥰

Well to be perfectly honest, I’ve been on a bit of a cryptid kick lately and I’m living in the city with my grandparents so I’m feeling homesick for my small town. The natural outcome is obviously to write about it.

A vague general summary is “what if you moved in with the town hunter, which you think is a weird job but hey you’re from the city so it’s probably fine, only to find out he’s a half demon vampire who actually hunts monsters that harass the townsfolk and he was actually kinda cute and sweet. Shame his entire family is batshit insane. at least to demon lord is cool.”

Roommates to coworkers to lovers speed run.

Its set in a mountain town that totally isn’t just knock off Kananaskis I swear during the winter.

Its really fucking cold up here and I need a medium to whine about it.

I thought it would be funny if Kuro just inexplicably owned a 1.5 million dollar force protection ocelot. It is never explained as to how he got and modified it. Her name is the Dreadnought and I am way too emotionally invested in a boy and his fictional military grade armoured vehicle.

I know how to load a shotgun and need to show off.

Istg outdoorsmen are some of the weirdest most feral creatures I love that so much.

I really miss my little brother (he’s still living at home and I only see him every couple weeks because our parents have demanding jobs) and am very much projecting.

I too am a depressed feral bitch who owns several leather jackets and really love my boyfriend, even if he can be a bit of a dumbass sometimes.

They’re idiots in love, your honour, need i say more?

[the-little-red-noodle]

5/9/24 6:09am

Something happens when you see the bigger picture. Something finally stops the bleed, the chaotic breakdown, the sabotage. Something pokes you in the ribs and says, “hey idiot, you can fix this”.

I don’t feel 100%, i won’t for a bit. I’m still angry, i may be for a bit.

But you said I’m right. It was over the line, it was inappropriate, you apologized so many times. “Your friends are nuked ground now, just to be safe”. And i agreed. I thanked you. It still hurts.

I needed to zoom out. I needed to look at all of the puzzle pieces laid out to see the picture. I needed to stop wanting to attack you long enough to hear you. I haven’t had someone work this hard to hear me and work through things. And i was angry, i still am..

I need to take stock of the relationship as a whole. All of the things we are and can be. The feeling when I’m with him, the love we’re creating, how he is with my family, all of his parts on paper. I do love his personality. I do love how he looks and laughs and talks and is. If i love all of these things, and we can talk through things, we can be okay.

He’s still a boy, and some things scare him unnecessarily. It’s a dulled down edgar, where one relationship term makes him go eek, but then we talk through what we’re doing, and it’s the same thing. He doesn’t like “monogamy” because of societal implications, even though it only means that you aren’t dating or fucking other people.. that’s what we’re doing. And if he wants a different terms that better encapsulates our activity platter relationship, then we can find that. But at the end of the conversation acknowledging that it is still monogamy and closed and all the things i needed to feel assured with helps. Boys are so weird istg.

It’s hard for me to get my own head on straight for the kind of relationship i really want because it doesn’t look like other peoples. Advice from traditional monogamous people makes me feel like i don’t have strong enough boundaries and i ask it on myself to feel hurt and have line crossing. On the other hand, i don’t want my own freedoms taken away either. I like kissing people, i like surface flirting with people sometimes. I like connecting with people i find interesting or attractive. I don’t think those things at all affect how much i love my partner, or how devoted to them i am. I know that me lightly flirting with someone at a party, or kissing a comfort friend goodbye, doesn’t make me love Michael any less. It’s never made me love my person any less. I know this intrinsically, but i still get scared.

I can want something and it still not be easy for me all of the time. And then things happen that upset me, and i feel like i brought it on myself. But if my boundaries were more traditional, there would still be things that upset me, just on that smaller scale. Id be upset by who he follows or whos pics he likes, or hugging a girl too long, or anything. There would always be something.

It’s frustrating for me to feel upset by things that i want to do myself. I want my freedom and fun moments, but i could do it a lot less than maybe he could.

And then i think about the people we surround ourselves with. Good people, consent happy, understanding of different relationship dynamics, free love and platonic affection, comfort. I want that in my life and to be solid with michael in these spaces. And we have that, like 85%. Which is pretty good for 10 months in.

I can see the full future with him. Financial stability, communication, kids, a wedding, having shared hobbies, doing so many fun things and travel. He looks so good on and off paper. And i believe that. I have doubts, but who wouldn’t with all I’ve been through? Trust is hard as it is. And we’re still relatively new here. 10 months isnt a lot, 6 months exclusive. I’m proud of the progress, of the big intentions, talking marriage and kids and the whole thing has me feeling very swept up. I hope that lasts. I hope that’s real. I hope 2 years from now we’re still this excited and in it.

I don’t want to ruin it but the anxiety is part of me. It seeps in sometimes. I can’t help it. I can’t help worrying and spiraling. Things can’t be that perfect all the time, and when I’m unregulated, i want to tear the whole house down. I fear for a future with infidelity and his scary voice tone in hard conversations. I’m scared for feeling let down or unloved and feeling in the way.

But i know he isnt like other partners I’ve had. I know how deeply he cares about me. How much time he diverts to making sure I’m okay. How reassuring he is without asking and how sweet and forward he is when i do ask.

I know how intentional he is with everything he does. I know how he doesnt just say things to say it. How willing he is to learn and fix things. How much he wants things to be good and smooth. I know how he works hard. I know how he cares about other people. I know how he cares about me. I want to trust it. I do a lot of the way there. Things trip me up though..

I want things to be good.

I need this vacation, time away from it all, and then I’ll get back on sunday and spend the night with him. We’ll reconnect, and be soft and intimate and close and I’ll regulate again. For now, time apart to be with the girls and party and swim and take up sunlight will be good for me. Time to journal and read and go to museums and hang with phoebe and get to know the people who will be apart of my life going forward is important to me. I have my anxiety meds, I’ll have my period and flush away a lot of emotions. I’ll heal and photosynthesize and be calm and sustain my health. Calm baby. We’re okay, tap it in.

We’re okay.

[nickysescapism]

honestly fuck germany. no, fuck the people who think that what Matuschik said was just “an opinion” it was the fuck not. it is what it is. straight up racism. the least you can do you white coward is to own it and say that you are racist. but this bullshit “oh i can’t be racist i drive a car from korea” is just so pathetic even for you. and fuck bayern 3 for not firing his ass immediately.

[yakumtsaki]

Thanks to my well-honed sim cockblocking reflexes, I put a stop to this nonsense before it escalated further, and now we’re gonna pretend it never happened! You hear me, sluts?? ENOUGH. 

-Don’t worry babe, that moron can barely keep us alive, let alone keep us apart!

Sophito I can’t even express how sick I am of your bullshit. Why don’t you just explain to us how a relationship with Eliza would work given your LTW, because I’d love to hear it.

-I’d figure it out!!

The only thing you’d be figuring out is how to survive massive blood loss after she cut your dick off, ok? Eliza is no Don, she’d take that rose of amnesia and stab you in the eye with it.

Speaking of Don, Sugar is determined to out-simp his father as he is about to kill both himself and Claire by hypothermia because he won’t stop hugging her long enough for them to get inside. 

-Oh darling, I can think of nothing better than staying here forever, embracing in the rain next to objects that tend to get hit by lighting!

You might have noticed a lack of Sugar the last few updates and it’s because ever since he won Claire’s heart he’s come down with a terrible case of Shajar Former Incel Syndrome. Remember when she finally got with Sophie and her entire personality disappeared because all she did was follow Soph around waiting to woohoo with her?? Well it’s time for round 2!

Our grades last semester were straight up embarrassing and we’re tittering on being broke again, mainly thanks to the 3 fortune aspiration douchebags and their delusional expensive wants, so it’s time to do the unthinkable: study.

-Ya, I don’t know how effective it is to be studying during June’s party?

Well Sugar, you of all people managed to cuck someone so clearly nothing is impossible around here.

Look how productive everyone is being! 

-Goddamn it, how do I insert a check for $5000 in this paper without ruining the formatting? You know what, I’ll just attach it in the email. 

ARE YOU BRIBING THE PROFESSORS. IS THAT WHERE ALL OUR MONEY IS GOING

-Of course I am, how do you think I keep getting A+s without ever studying?

I assumed you were a brainchad like Sophito??

-Ya, Sophito has been attaching his nudes instead of checks. 

Of course he has! 

What fresh hell is this, what is this rando feud?

-I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU AND YOUR FELLOW FORTUNE ASSHOLES, REGINALD, STOP WASTING ALL OUR SCHOLARSHIP MONEY ON RUGS AND COKE -Not just rugs and coke, June, also sculptures! -I DON’T CARE. JUST GO BANG YOUR OLD LADY AND LEAVE OUR MONEY ALONE

-Oh Erik, finally you can move in and bring all your cash with you!  -Well I do have like 1k in household funds! -HAHA- wait, you’re serious? YOU ONLY HAVE 1K?? -I sure do!

Erik what the fuck, even the llama brought more with him when he moved in.

-I’m only a freshman! And my entire bio is about wanting to be a starving artist! 

WANTING TO BE A WHAT NOW?? JUNE WE’VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED. I thought we were getting a boring, dependable John Burb type and instead we got Darren Dreamer, fuck.

-Oh, you broke, beautiful idiot, I’m so into you right now!

June.. istg. Frankly Erik as a marriage prospect is starting to feel barely above the nephew obsession-

-CASE IN POINT. ERIK WTF

-You didn’t check my personality panel before moving me in?

I SURE DIDN’T

-2 neat points :)

Fuck my life. Let’s just move on..

..Our party is going incredibly as usual!

-FUCK YOU, STACY, HOW DARE YOU PLATONICALLY INTERACT WITH SOPHITO IN FRONT OF ME

-FUCK YOU TOO, SOPHITO, I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU AT ALL AND I NEVER WONDER IF WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER SOMETIMES WHEN I CAN’T SLEEP 

Can you people not be completely deranged for the duration of one (1) party?

Istg I can’t leave these flops unattended for more than a minute. REGINALD STOP BONDING WITH EVERY CREEPY PROFESSOR THAT CROSSES YOUR PATH

-Thank you, 00s Emo-Haired Professor, this is very flattering but I’m already in a committed relationship with your colleague, Geriatric Half-Alien Professor.  -Oh my, I’m so sorry! I’d never violate the Professor Dibs On Students Honor Code!

Ok ya, party over, everyone fuck off.

-Hi Stacy, what the hell are you doing? 

God’s work, that’s what she’s doing. Don’t let them bang, Stac, stay where you are! 

-Hey, genius, if we do the ‘shoo’ action she’s hardcoded to leave.

Fuck you, Eliza, I’m bringing reinforcements..

..HA. COCKBLOCK ACHIEVED ONCE AGAIN. Have fun, you two!

And you two I’m not letting out of my sight.

-You can’t win against me, Liz, my grandpa started teaching me chess as soon as I fell out of my mom on the bathroom floor. -Classiest birth your family has ever seen. -Both your dads wanted to marry into my family. -Wanted to marry in so badly they cheated on your grandpa with each other and he had to marry his third choice.

HEY. Wyatt wasn’t our third choice! (He totally was.)

-Well thank God you’re marrying Wilfred who’s always been your first choice! -Absolutely he is, he doesn’t at all bore my tits off. In fact, I’m gonna go wake him up right now and have loud sex with him and you can stay here, being a hoe who’s bad at chess. -Ok, have fun! -Oh, I will!

WELP I TRIED.

-Sophito, I feel our undefinable toxic relationship is gonna be a disaster for everyone involved.  -I know, isn’t it great? :D

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[freaky-writer-writes]

TBHK x reader | Mitsuba headcanons

Character: Mitsuba Sousuke

Fandom: TBHK

Pronouns: They/them // Gender neutral

Warnings: Mentions of death, slight angst (?), manga spoilers

A/N: I recently rewatched TBHK with my friendo because I finished reading the last chapter and cannot wait for the next chapter/season 2 eek /pos. Anyways I’m like really obsessed with Mitsuba? He’s a precious bby like sjdhbe. I’m gay for him Istg /hj.

Summary: What dating Mitsuba Sousuke would be like, and how did you handle his death, and confessing!!

• Ah yes

• Here we go with the angst~

• I would say that you and Mitsuba were really close, and still are!

• He would let you hold his camera and sometimes take pictures ACKDH

• You’re the only person he’s actually being nice to and not going full attack/tsundere mode

• Of course, he does that sometimes but you know that he don’t mean it

• Actually, you think it’s quite cute!

• Literally everytime you flirt with him, he would try to insult you and be a fucking tsundere aaa

.........

......

• He seemed like a very nice guy the first time you met him

• He’s the one who asked you to be friends (of course)

• When both of you slowly got closer and closer, he slowly also showed his real self

• Aka bullying you, insulting, etc.

• Though you knew why

• He have told you before why he has to act more nicely

• You thought it was understandable, and quite sad

• So whenever he insulted you, you really didn’t get too much thought into it

• Then the winter came

• Oh boy

// Manga spoilers starts here, and angst!! //

• It was his mother’s birthday

• When he told you at school, you wanted him to give her some flowers you bought for her

• You and his mother were actually close, despite you being his only (possibly?) first best friend

“Sure, I’m also gonna make curry, she loves it.. Maybe I can put the flowers in a vase on the table for decoration, thanks, (Y/N).”

“Of course! You know how to make curry right? You don’t need my help?”

“I’ve made curry before, I don’t need help, it’s gonna be fine.”

• That was the biggest cap ever

• Anyways

• I actually cried at that chapter-

• You were in call with him when he was making curry

• It seemed like he did fine

• You just had to remind him of a few things

• “Where’s the potato’s?”

• “Agh, crap I forgot them. Should I go out to buy some? The grocery store is not that far away.”

• “It’s fine without it, there’s no need. Besides, it’s cold outside and dark.”

• “It’s her birthday, I have to do it. I’ll call you back when I get home”

• “No, wait-“

• Before you knew it, it all ended

• You believed in him, maybe he would be fine

• Right?

• Though, you never received a call from him after that

• But when his mother called you, telling you about the news, you broke down

• You were devastated, and sad and frustrated

• Only if you could have done better

• Only if you were there to stop him instead of just telling him through a stupid call

• “You dumb dumb, everything just for the stupid potato’s...”

//Manga spoilers and angst end!!//

............

.......

• After a few months has passed, there was a new rumor going around saying a voice of a boy would grab your hands by the entrance of the school asking “Do you remember me?”

• You didn’t really think much about it, considering being rumors spreading around the school like everyday

• But when you arrived at the school enterance to place your shoes, there it was

• You saw a shadowy figure grabbing your arm and saying the following words: “Hey, do you remember me?”

• You were panicking, you shut the locker up and pushed the figure away from you (just pretend you can touch Mitsuba even though he’s a ghost JAHDBE)

• Then you saw a slightly tall boy, pink hair, feminine look, with a school uniform

• “The hell?!..” You realized who it was, you walked slowly towards the boy to get a closer look

• “M...Mitsuba?!” You said in relief and jumped on top of him, so happy to see him

• “Hey!! I get it I’m a cute little ghost but that doesn’t give you permission to touch me, you pervert!”

• “It really is you! Dear god, aren’t you dead?!!” Not caring about what he said, you looked at him in the eyes with tears of happiness streaming down your cheeks

• “I am dead, idiot. Can you get off me now? You’re going to make my clothes wet.” He exclaimed, rudely

• You nodded as you wiped off your tears

• After everything got settled and explained, you thought it was nice to have your best friend back

• You loved him a lot, he was so dear to your heart

• By loved him, you still do

• You both hanged out a lot again

• He would sometimes join your classes and keep you entertained or just insult you for whatever god knows

• Though you liked that he would be with you

• It was nice being with your ghost friend again

• You were so goddamn happy Istg

• Anyhow, after a few months, you decided to confess

• It was dumb asking someone like him out, besides, he’s a ghost

• You knew it would never work, considering him being a ghost

• But it would never hurt to try though, right?

• But little did you know, Mitsuba actually also has a crush on you

• He's just.... Not the type to show it correctly kind of-

• You notice that he blush a lot whenever he's around you, but didn't really give in too much thought to it

• He never had the urge to confess unlike you, he was too scared and nervous

• He got so suprised and happy when you asked him though, but he of course still acted like a tsundere

• You met him in the usual place, the rooftop after school

• Both just chatted and chilling iykyk

When you suddenly go "Hey.. Uhm... Mitsuba? I was meaning to tell you something."

"What is it now, (Y/N)?"

"I don't know how to put it but... I like you, like a lot."

"Of course you do, I mean who wouldn't like an adorable cute ghost like me?"

"No- I'm serious. I like LIKE you."

*A moment of silence then he started harassing you about it for a moment*

"Hah. Anyways, that's... Very unfortunate. Yeah, yeah... I like you too I guess, it's nothing much.."

• Your heart go brrr

• Anyways, you got so happy and started hopping around and hugging him

• "H-Hey!! Just because I said that doesn't mean you can touch me, you pervert!"

• You know he likes it depending on the facial expression ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

• Overall, you both are the cutest couple!!!

• No one really knew about it except Yashiro, Kou and Hanako (Of course)

• I mean, no one could really understand except them-

• Yashiro be like "All these ghosts, and I still can't get a boo-"

• AHAHS ANYWAYS

• Y'all would probably wait a little for kisses until you both get comfortable

• BUT when you do kiss, it's so cute and wholesome

• They're pretty short, wouldn't go THAT far

• Short but passionate if you're feeling up to it though hehehsjbe

• It's pretty much just a peck on the lips, although you COULD get into a make out session but that's rare-

• He would act like a tsundere after kisses

• "Hahaha!!! I know you just fell in love with me because of my cuteness, and now you just want to attack me like this! You big pervert!"

• But he adores the kisses on the inside

• It warms his heart

• ALSO YOU GUYS CUDDLE LIKE A LOT

• Literally wherever no one can see both of you

• Just cuddle

• He's the smol spoon obviously

• He likes being held by you even though he's not good at showing it

• He's the big spoon though if you're feeling down or something like that

• He doesn't mind being the big one either, it just kinda fits him more yk?

• Anyways,, I will probably make a part 2 of this because this is getting WAY too long ^^;

[mobilis-in-mobili]

you once told me that what i felt about me didn't change anything about if you loved me, and i'm here and i'm holding you close and i'm telling you that goes round the other way, too. i know your brain's a bit of a dick to you sometimes, and although they're cunts and shouldn't be listened to, it's real fucking hard not to. i want you here, okay? and maybe that's selfish of me, maybe i'm not meant to want that, but i do. i fucking do. because how your mind sees you isn't how i do. your brain tells you that you're nothing and i honestly wish i could kick it for that except i'd probably end up hurting you. i don't know if anyone else gives a shit, but i know i literally emptied my entire fucking bank account's worth of fucks into yours. and i know that's nothing, but i still did it, cause even if your mind tells you that you ain't worth it, even if the whole world tells you that, i know what you are and what you mean to me. you are a presence full of light upon this earth, tom, and i am but a witness to your life and to its worth. s like that act up paris quote from the 80s when aids hit, you know? "france knows him as a number. i knew him as the man who was the center of my world." same sentiment without the dying bit (honestly nothing but time's gonna take me from you, istg). sorry, that was weird.

i'm gonna stay. i promised you i would. not cause they don't see you. but because i do. because i want to. homo on purpose, you beautiful fucking idiot. i love you.

if i don't like me and i spend every day with me then how can anybody like me at all idk

[bbugyu]

omg it’s totally fine, luv! answer the asks whenever you want~ hope you’re getting some rest too, bff!

HAHAHA i have so much on my list as well! i just finished watching he’s just not that into you and i loved the film sm it tugged at my heartstrings i can’t even explainsjdhskdjdk 😭 and oh i finished ld+r yesterday and watched a lot of films and can i say i’m so glad i finally have time now T___T alsoooo do you have film or series recos??? would love to start another show!

shua best bf ever we love to see it 🤌

btw i wanna share this with you… my ults are 95z now!!!! i hate them and their talented ass and their pretty faces istg </333 cheol being a new addition to my bias line just proves that there should be someone to balance the jihan dynamics 🤕

- 🐰 <3

congratulations on ulting 95z!!!! ur taste is... *mwah* yk like truly they are so deserving.

omg!!! i have soooo many recs since we are talking abt tv i'll stick to shows i've been enjoying lately!!! any show or movie i mention in any of my fics is immediately a rec, btw. i'm always trying to reference things i love on my writing LOL

the last series i watched was only murders in the building (on hulu), which i had heard a lot about and had heard from a few people that it was pretty fun, but this show was so VASTLY undersold to me. i literally put it on because my stepmom had bugged me about it recently and i was like, "it's steve martin, martin short, and selena gomez. like, worst case scenario, it makes me laugh sometimes." YALL. THIS FUCKING SHOW. this show is so INSANELY well directed, so perfectly cast, and i have literally gasped and slapped the space bar at reveals (guest star reveals, too, bc WHAT THE FUCK **** ***** IS HIS STUNT DOUBLE??). it's SO compelling, SO funny, and there is so much genuine chemistry in the main cast. i'm all caught up on season two, i can't believe i have to watch it week to week 😭😭 it's shaping up to be just as fantastic this season, too!!!!

i also recommend what we do in the shadows on fx!! the new season is about to start (streams on hulu i believe) and i am not lying when i say this is the funniest ensemble cast on television today. taika waititi is a fucking genius (we all know this) and has literally perfected my career trajectory dream (which supposedly means i still have time to do it too bc he was 30 when he wrote and directed for flight of the conchords... hmmm), and he is so deserving of the praise because he creates these morally gray annoyingly idiotic characters in these fantastical and absurd situations and makes you SIDE WITH THE EMPATHY LACKING VAMPIRE???? the characters are incredible the fashion is on point the gothic castle vibes always hit and then they are just like. in new york. GOD ITS SO FUNNY

on the reality front, trixie motel on discovery+!!! oh my god TRIXIE MOTELLLLLL i love this show so much i grew up watching food network and hgtv so i love a good home improvement show and this just takes that extremely heteronormative genre of reality television and. puts it in drag. like, its so gay, its so well put together and organized and the ROOM DESIGNS??? ARE SO FUCKING GOOOOOOD LIKE MY DREAM MANSION LOOKS LIKE THE TRIXIE MOTEL OKAYYYY yes im a gay architect lets move past it. the 60s space bombshell room really blew me away i loved i soooo much. so much.

another one of my absolute faves recently has been the world according to jeff goldblum on disney+!! it's a docuseries where jeff just pursues information from experts on weird niches that he finds interesting, like sneakerheads, or roller derby, or practical magic. such a feel good series, super informational about fringe culture, and accurately represents bipoc creators and influencers. it's soooo fun! and jeff is such a charming weirdo, i adore watching him talk about anything at all. he reminds me of my history loving story telling human rights protector gramps (probably bc they're both jewish and truly wonderful men).

[mrpenguinpants]

KAEYA PLAYING WITH ABYSS MAGES AHDHSHDHSB IM- that’s so cute????? Guizhong being older than Zhongli is such a valid hc, I fully support and condone it. Thank you. And Childe growing to like battle was something I found interesting because he was once mentioned to be fragile and weak in his character stories iirc? I like to think that maybe the initial reason he persevered was to overcome that past status.

Also, YES. They’d have the worst habits, and it would eventually become more visible the more comfortable it becomes, but Keqing just gives up on trying to change anything because it’s literally hopeless.

I also headcanon that they have different ways to show appreciation for Keqing. E.g. Childe sometimes uses one of his cringy ass Russian nicknames and when she looks up the meaning, she turns from the most straight-faced woman known to man to a highkey affection-starved queen self-destructing in her room.

Diluc leaves a note on her desk that are simple “Sleep early today. Tomorrow is your day-off.” or “Don’t over work yourself.” messages. He’s so self-conscious about it because like, what if Kaeya catches him up at night contemplating whatever reaction he’ll get. Ends up feeling so accomplished whenever his messages bring a smile to her face.

Kaeya, I feel, would be more open in a sense? Keqing is the last person he thinks he’s be able to deceive, and so he chooses not to. He’s probably one who enjoys deep conversations about literally anything be it mosaic artwork or changes in between modern and archaic politics. A good listener and a fine conversation partner, I feel they’d certainly have interesting conversations.

Zhongli lowkey seizing every opportunity to bring up Rex Lapis and his sense of humor is lowkey degrading Morax for his past mistakes. He’s like “Oh, I thought you hated him. I hate him too” and proceeds to laugh at the fact that the oh-so legendary Geo archon bore a hole in his hoodie for his hair. FOR HIS HAIRS. Keqing is losing her sanity trying not to expose herself as a closeted fan.

The anon lists’ name is super cute btw! Makes me feel pretty blessed for being there haha. I just finished midterms and goodness, I am exhausted. We’re having a short break so I think I can send asks much faster during the brief moment of rest. And pls drink responsibly 🙏

Sincerely, Keqing harem brainrot anon

I lowkey plucked Kaeya playing with mobs and shoved it into the royalty au because god damn, that’s fucking cute. I’m so behind on my asks;; but it’s okay cause we’re here now. I don’t know, Guizhong being that older sister/mother/whatever figure is so heartwarming to me. I think you’re right? I vaguely remember him saying he was pretty fragile but I have the memory of a goldfish haha. Lowkey, this is why I really want the part 2 and 3 of character story quests to go more in depth with their actual character stories. I want to see Childe talk about his feelings and meet his siblings, I want to hear more about Guizhong, I want to hear about the crippling loneliness and depression that Bennett and Barbara have (NO I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS PART. WHY THE FUCK IS GENSHIN NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS? I KNOW ITS FUN AND GAMES BUT LET ME CARE ABOUT THEM. 1.4 has these hangout events and istg, bennett and barabara have one and if we don’t talk about our feelings I’m going to cry). 

oml their bad habits, Zhongli and his extensive collection of plants because that’s the most social interaction he gets (yes, zhongli is a planter. no i do not take criticism tyvm) and it starts off with a couple plants. Not too bad. Then the next day Keqing walks and it looks like their entire home turned into a forest. But Zhongli loves his plant children and Keqing is slowly losing her mind and starts referring to the plants with the nicknames Zhongli gave them. 

This. This is cute. These appreciation ideas. I fully approve and we need to bring them back. I don’t know anything about Russian but I have a friend that does. But I don’t know how to casually say “hey, can you give me Russian nicknames of endearment. It’s for research.”. Keqing radiates professional in the front, social anxiety in the back. I just love that they added the detail that she’s secretly a Rex Lapis fan but pretends that she hates him. I know there is art of Zhongli lowkey being creeped out or vv smug when he find’s Keqings stash but idk, imagining him being a proud dad and giving headpats even though Keqing is an adult. 

Okay. Let me level with you. Sticky notes of reassuring phrases are the best and why the fuck aren’t people doing it more. I’ve been reading “my mom left a note on the table” or “my partner puts sticky notes in my textbooks as a pick me up” for CENTURIES but am I seeing it in real life? Fuck no. Please, if someone does this for you. Keep them, never let them go. I can imagine Diluc writing these messages, feeling confident when he writes them and ready to be a supportive person. The next day he’s looking at these notes and thinking “what the fuck did I just write, this is garbage” (totally not how I feel about my writing). Then he proceeds to throw them in some cabinet but since Kaeya doesn’t know the first thing about personal boundaries he goes snooping around in Diluc’s room, discovers the notes, and he ends up taking them and putting them on Keqing’s things. It makes her happy so Diluc is going to ignore the very pressing issue with whether or not he should commit manslaughter. 

You know, that’s very valid. That’s how I feel about Kaeya’s relationship with Lisa or Albedo. People that don’t get riled up or annoyed by his antics the same way Amber is. I feel like if you’re looking for small talk, he’s not a bad choice, but if you want those deep 3am conversations he’s definitely the person to go to. Zhongli isn’t a bad choice either but Zhongli tends to go into historical and philosophical moments (which isn’t bad) but you want to have someone relate to you or it feels like an actual conversation and not a history lesson then he’s actually perfect. Especially more controversial topics, I feel like Kaeya would probably have very different opinions from the norm. 

YES. YES. YES I’m replying to these as I read them but YES. Honestly, I get it. Zhongli is a super polite and respectable person. But. But. Have you seen how he clowned on Childe?? That entire interaction?? He didn’t even look the slightest big apologetic for almost destroying Liyue and using the man who was going to kill him to pay for his funeral. What a power move?? And you’re telling me you don’t see him being a smug prick. I love Zhongli’s story quest where everyone is saying “oh the first mora was treasured or it holds mythical powers” and Zhongli is looking at them as if they’re idiots. 

tyty (❤´艸｀❤) I’m blessed to have you here. Oh, I hope you did well on your midterms tho and be sure to rest. I am a bit late to replying to this so hopefully I caught you before your break was over.

Always lovely hearing from you,

Pengu

[smutty-ki113r]

Yo my name is Kieran (white boy name, I know) and I like trees

Nah jk I'm pretty sure I'm meant to talk about like

Oh nvm

Can I request a sfw matchup (I'm a pussy istg) and my pronouns are they/them or he/him. I'm attracted to males but only romantically, I'm asexual.

Insecurities: my fuckin feet idk what it is about those little fuckers but they could just not exist and I'd be happy. I don't have many insecurities except my height (I'm 5'3" kms), my ADHD, that I can't gain weight and the fact that I wear glasses, big circle things that make me look like Dwight Schrute on crack.

Likes: cookin, surprisingly. It gives me so much satisfaction when someone enjoys the food I've made. Along with that I love sugary things + things that aren't good for me, yk the drill. I love animals even if they scare the shit outta of me. I'm told frequently (though the person telling' me is usually super pissed lmao) that I'm too headstrong but yk whatever

Dislike: heights, but I love trying things that could get me killed so if you sign me up to ride a roller-coaster I am DOWN like I'll ride that mf like it's a Saturday night and I've got nothing to lose bc yk yolo. Along with that fear is: fear of feet, (who would've fuckin guessed) veins creep me out, single player video games (sprinkle in some abandonment issues and you get… an Asshole that hates playin' games by himself) and things that go bump in the night.

An extrovert but bc of my ADHD sometimes I have to stay away from everyone for a while cuz o' sensory overload, I prefer people that know how to laugh and be loud but also know how to have comfortable silence and a meaningful conversation–I'm an entp, lmao

I'm a Sagittarius, also.

Personality (dfk if I have to include this or not but yk): im a stubborn fuck, 'will fite u' attitude, In hindsight I like the idea of working in a team when actually asked to do so I HATE it like I physically cannot bring myself to watch someone whose working with me mess up. I'm spontaneous, love climbing random shit, and an insomniac so I'm usually eating cereal at 3am. If somethin seems like a bad idea/somethin the usual person would look at and go "lmao only a fucking idiot would try that" then it's 9/10 probably my idea anyway, and I am certainly doin it while we speak.

Oh shit wait I forgot, a weird thing I do: I've already mentioned this but I will climb just about anything that seems climbable, and I love to daydream but with ADHD I need to be constantly moving so the only way I can actually daydream is if im dancin' around my house or just sprinting (which, wouldn't you know it, also takes place at night).

I'm sorry this is so long lmao but i didn't wanna miss anythin' out for ya, yk? Yeah anyway I'm in love with your work and what you do, the minute I get home I'm checking tumblr an unhealthy amount just to see if you've posted anythin' or to reread what you have. Seriously, keep up the good work, brother.

Ciao.

I match you with…..💕MASKY💕

This might be a little confusing but let me explain my logic

I feel like you and masky would make a lovely puzzle piece match. You- sound a bit like Toby but I didn’t want to match you with him because I feel like that’s a recipe for chaotic disaster.

It might take a while to catch feelings, be patient and eat away at him. He needs to get used to you first, but when it happens it will be the most fulfilling thing in the world. Masky loves your glasses but he won’t say it, he’ll give a kind of approving ‘hmph’. And he appreciates the food you make him, praises you.

You are both sign: Sagittarius, and have about 99% trust percentage. The relationship is built on honesty and warm interactions. He likes your ‘will fight you’ attitude but he knows he’s stronger and will win arguments and such. He’ll throw you a little smirk, it’s cute if you catch it. Occasionally he’ll let you win.

He hates people who mess up in a team too! Masky kind of admirers your ‘yolo’ attitude but he worries and it comes off as grumpy. He might get frustrated too, needs a bit of space sometimes.

Masky cares for you unconditionally, protects you at all costs. You sound like you’re prone to get hurt so he would be a sort of safety net, always there when you need it. If you get sensory overloads he will take you to another room and make you take deep breaths.

Thank you! I had a lot of fun doing you, you sound like a great person/guy. And when you called me brother *tears eyed face* I rolled on the floor.

[stargaze-issei]

— 𝐚 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐠𝐟 + 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐨!𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐨

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; i don't rlly understand why everyone says sero is latino but like ?????who am i to complain. and since i am latina, more exactly chilean, someone who has lived her whole life in latinoamérica, this is self inserted 🤡 though if we're gonna talk bout latinas/os characters there may be someone canonically latina/o :p

-> LOUD COUPLE.

-> everyone in class a gets a headache with both of you.

-> even bakugou, just please shut the fuck up.

-> y'all are from different countries, but the energy it's the same.

-> endless teasing denki and kirishima by speaking in spanish so they can't understand.

-> "hey, sero, vamos a comprar algo para comer sin que ellos sepan" (this is so hard for me to write bc chilean slang is SO DIFFERENT)

-> denki would be like "sHE SAID COMER WHAT ARE YOU COMER"

-> cleaning days are always with music in spanish, like luis miguel or pimpinela.

-> sero just gives argentino vibes im sorry.

-> in every latino household we clean to what our mamás or abuelitas used to listen to.

-> you would duet pimpinela's songs and everyone would look like ?????why are they so passionate about.

-> bakugou i know he speaks spanish tries to translate but is also confused.

-> "i'm sure the song is about cheating fUCKING SLOW DOWN IT'S TOO FAST"

-> sero would totally be the type to read love poems in spanish to you, like from gabriela mistral, for example.

-> not from pablo neruda we don't support abusers.

-> "yo te enseñe a besar: los besos fríos

son de impasible corazón de roca,

yo te enseñé a besar con besos míos

inventados por mí, para tu boca."

-> it translates to "i taught you how to kiss: cold kisses; are from impassive heart made of stone; i taught you how to kiss with my kisses; invented by me, to your mouth." (besos/kisses, by gabriela mistral).

-> his extra ass totally does it in front of everyone bc he spent the whole night memorizing it and wants to show off.

-> everyone, not understanding a word: 🥺

-> you would kiss him, because he's too sweet, and mina would combust in cuteness.

-> "bro i don't know what you said but it was so manly bro"

-> i personally think spanish is a very romantic language, therefore, every romantic thing sero says is in spanish.

-> "quiero pasar mi vida contigo"/"i want to spend my life with you"

-> you would make him traditional breakfast from his country, he gets homesick a lot.

-> YOU DANCE BACHATA TOGETHER IN HIS ROOM.

-> it doesn't matter if you don't know how to, he'll teach you.

-> when he gets stressed, which isn't very common in him, he starts speaking spanish really fast throwing insults every two words, hell, sometimes even you get 🤨

-> "PERO QUÉ ESTÁN HACIENDO MANGA DE PELOTUDOS" yes im sticking to argentino! sero.

-> "he says what the fuck are you doing, you bunch of idiots" you usually translate.

-> that only happens when he's under a lot of pressure and bakusquad isn't helping.

-> his mom sends you food whenever he goes home, she l o v e s you.

-> sero likes that you two get along but... don't forget you have to like him more than you like his mami.

-> calls you mi amor, or mi vida.

-> in time, mina got used to call you mi amor too.

-> now, all your friends call each other like that.

-> they know is something cheesy but not exactly so(??

-> HE HAS ONE PET NAME THAT'S FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU.

-> reina, "queen" call me like that and istg

-> uses it when he's watching you, so hypes you up.

-> "just look at her, she's a reina, una diosa, my god"

-> you so watch telenovelas in the common area, he gets upset and screams to the tv.

-> "you had to choose JUAN ANTONIO, dios mío, my mami would've beat your ass"

-> he's the one who has control over the bakusquad, he has been gifted with the mamá latina's quirk too.

-> ONE TIME he went after denki for being too clingy with jirou, making her uncomfortable.

-> since then, everyone acts like bakugou is in charge but they know it's sero.

-> hugs and kisses and cuddles and all the pda you can think of.

-> yes, please do.

-> a big softie.