#isak this took me two hours

[presleyluvschris]

Babes I have a request I was thinking JJ Maybank fic inspired buy the song always by Isak Danielson

There is one line from the song that I want JJ to specifically say to the reader it’s “ will we end up just like Ross and Rachel am so sorry for the spoiler but that’s the end”

You can decide if you want there to be smut or not

🤍🤍

a/n: thank you for this love!

word count 1,155

warnings: fluff, swearing

masterlist

it was a cold friday night.

you got into a very heated conversation with your parents, and the only truth is that JJ was your complete escape from reality.

you were out with your beautiful blonde boy under the stars, the chilly night air peircing into your ears, making your cheeks stingy and pink.

the cold air blew past the two of you, giggling as you took turns laying in the grass and pointing at the constellations.

he was in awe with your love for natrual nature in the evening.

In fact, JJ was quite obsessed with your little passions. How cute your face lit up when you talked about something that clearly had filled your mind for hours at a time, and one of those were your love for how the stars shined each night.

"n' thats the big dipper." you pointed up in the dark painted atmosphere, showing him your favorite connections the night had made for the both of you in the cool grass.

after a while, you sighed and rolled on top of JJ, putting your hands in his jacket pockets as he slightly flinched from the chill in your hands.

"you're so cold." he whispered as he tucked his head where he could see your flushed face.

you hummed in reply, feeling JJ tuck a peice of hair that fell in your gorgeous eyes back behind your ear.

when you looked back at the stars, you scrunched your face in a way that he remembered as something that may have been bothering you.

"you okay, dear?" he gently asks, shifting his position on his arm to look at you laying in the soft grass.

"yeah." you huff, "jus' my parents."

"what about them?" he swallows. he knew that they had always been on your ass about everything lately, and how much you hated being yelled at, how it made your heart hurt in a way that certainly broke his.

"they want me to go to college." you start to feel the tears overtake your eyes.

"far, far away from here."

JJ studies your eyes, his forehead creasing in worry.

"far away from you," you start, voice slightly breaking.

he purses his lips and crooks his head up, squinting his eyes tightly. it was something he damn well knew was coming for the two of you, and he had been putting the thought of separating away in the back of his mind for a while, and now it came back to blow up in both of your faces.

you weren't ready to leave him, and he was certainly not ready to leave you, either.

you were all he had besides the pogues, he couldn't bear the feeling of his father, and he really knew he couldn't bear the loss of you.

you threw on a slight smile and melted your gaze into his.

"wouldn't you say theres always a light in the darkest moments?"

he softly smiled back at you, his white teeth almost kissing your eyes. he could feel the pain in his chest. he loved you. He loved that you always tried to find the good in all the hardest moments the both of you had overcome this seinor year.

he gently reached his hand over to stroke your hair.

"we'll be brave."

you nod and press your head to his.

"do we need a taxi?" you ask, suddenly thinking of the time and how you were going to get home, being out in the middle of completely no where.

he slightly tuts makes a puff in his cheeks. "i dont wanna go and see our friends, honestly."

"why not?" you make a face and tilt your head in confusion.

"i wanna be here with you." he pouts.

"sure." you roll your eyes, "n' whats the real reason?"

"just that." he grimaces, "and john b. hes mad i dented the hms pouge."

you half snort "what?"

"it doesn't matter," he sighs.

the two of you stay silent for a while, holding hands and looking at the stars before jj turns his head to you and gently whispers, "you wanna go get coffee?"

you smile from ear to ear, your throat and stomach absolutely being torn from the feeling of butterflies.

besides laying in fields, surfing, boat rides, and stargazing, going to get coffee was something so simple that JJ and you had cherished since your first real date with him.

after you made it to the shop, the two of you shared giggles over instagram stories and talked for hours until the barista kicked the two of you out.

the crickets we're chirping softly as jj was holding your hand, swinging it back and forth as you walked slowly on the dirty sidewalk.

the sound of the waves next to you, with your favorite boy.

the breeze, the salty air.

you felt content with him.

-

As the both of you made your way back to the house, you pressed your keys into the door, pushing it open and tossing your shoes on the floor, slamming into the couch. you felt exhausted.

JJ made his way next to you, snaking his arms around you and tucked a soft kiss to your hair.

"you wanna do somethin'?"

you giggle a little as you feel him carry a loose strand of hair from your face.

"Friends?" you sigh, as his face lights up.

JJ sits straight and puts his arm back around you, turning your crappy TV on that he always loved to come over and watch. his dad never let him have one at the house, so he liked to enjoy having a girlfriend to watch random netflix series with.

after almost five bowls of candy and popcorn, and even ten times the amount of episodes, JJ rests the back of his neck on you, fiddling with his lighter before gently asking.

"do you think we will end up like ross n' rachel?"

you let yourself laugh like a little girl, feeling your heart melt out of your chest.

"shit." he groans, "sorry for the spoiler, but thats the end of it."

you make an exaggerated gasp, "JJ!"

"you watched the rest of the series without me?" you whine, kicking your feet at him.

"okay okay, im sorry! im sorry! i had to."

"and whys' that?" you look up at him, making a pouted face.

"i wanted to watch all the sexy scenes and imagine all of it was you."

you almost cough out your popcorn.

"what?" your mouth drops in shock

he snickers as you throw a peice of candy in his face. "you did not!"

"you're fucking hot, you cant blame me for fantasizing how lucky i would be-"

"uh uh uh," you press your finger to his lips as he kisses it and winks. "no."

"one day," he shrugs and puts on a big smile.

you huff as he rubs your arm to keep you warm.

tags @cafekitsune @theblackcatwitch4 join my taglist ♡

©presleyanswrites please do not copy, plagiarize, or repost my work to other platforms.

[zmwrites]

Writemas 2024: Day 18

As always, thank you to @agirlandherquill for hosting this event!

WIP: Snowy WIP

Prompt(s): “Don’t you love me?” + A home + Light fought dark, and finally, dawn broke. + The softness of a blanket + The warmth of love

Words: 474

Notes: Isak and Gemma are side characters in the story, but main characters in my heart.

Isak and Matthias stepped inside the small house. They were late; it was less than an hour until dawn, and they were meant to have been back by midday. There had been difficulties with their client, weather delays, a minor avalanche… It had been an awful crossing, and Isak was glad to be home.

Well, almost home.

Matthias muttered something about going to bed and disappeared into his bedroom, leaving his gear in a heap by the door. Usually he was the one arguing for unpacking their gear right away, but tonight Isak was too tired to care. He dropped his own gear on the heap and kicked off his boots. Shrugged out of his coat and hung it up (he was tired, not a monster). He removed a few more layers on his way to his bedroom—it might’ve been spring according to the calendar, but it was still cold as shit—and tossed them in the hamper.

Finally, finally, he reached the edge of the bed. Gemma was already curled up under a pile of blankets, her sleep undisturbed by his arrival. He carefully removed two of the heavier blankets from her stack then slid into the bed next to her.

She hummed and turned her face towards his side of the bed. “My love?”

“Hi Gem,” he greeted.

“Gonna get too warm.”

“I already took the extra blankets off the bed.”

“Oh. Good.” She scooted closer.

He smiled fondly at her, not caring that her eyes were still shut. There was part of him that still didn’t believe she’d agreed to marry him and had actually followed through on it. Her curly brown hair splayed across the pillow, and the moonlight coming through the window highlighted the freckles splashed across her nose. Everything about her filled him with a buoyant warmth he’d realized was love almost too late.

He swallowed the instinctive panic that rose at the thought of losing her. He’d been a fool, but they’d figured it out. She was right there, in their shared bed, in their shared house.

He wrapped his still-freezing hand around her waist.

Gemma shrieked, the sound muffled by her pillow, and thrashed away from his touch. “Isak!! Why? Don’t you love me?”

“Of course I love you,” he replied. He found her waist again—this time making sure to keep her shirt as a barrier between their skin—and pulled her closer.

“You’re so needy,” she grumbled, though she was smiling. She laid her head on his chest and wiggled to get comfortable.

The stress melted out of Isak’s body and he stroked her hair. She sighed contentedly, and with a few more breaths, she fell back asleep. He watched the sky though the window as the dark lost the battle to the sun, and dawn broke. Gemma’s gentle exhales tickled his neck. Now he was home.

[journeysofpatrickandarchana]

The First Month - by Patrick Dwyer

Original Blog posted: Saturday, 11 May 2013

"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." Isak Dinesen

Well as most of you know Archana & I bought a catamaran in the Caribbean and left Sydney on the 18th February 2013 to sail it back to Sydney.

We arrived in St Maarten on the 19th Feb after a 53 hour experience from Sydney. We were picked up at the airport by our engineer who was to check the boat out and fit all the extras. He took us to Anse Marcel a quaint little port on the NW side of the French side of the island that you could be forgiven for missing even from 100 metres from the sea entrance. We spent 5 days there living on 54 foot & 40.7 foot Beneteau Oceanis yachts before concluding the handover of our catamaran with the seller. One final thing had to be done by them to fulfil their part of the contract and that was to check the engine leg sail drive seals as water was noticed in the oil on the second survey. Therefore the yacht was taken by one of the staff of the company I was buying the yacht off with me to Polypat boat yard (an hour’s motor away) to be hauled out for a visual inspection. In trying to get the seal off the vendors engineer took a lathe to it and ruined the major part the seal was affixed to and which prevented the yacht being put back into the water. Having ruined the part we were stuck on the hard stand for 3 weeks whilst another part was shipped out from Belgium. So as the 5 crew (an Australian, Englishman, Frenchman & a couple from Zurich) began turning up for this experience of a life time they had to endure walking up a rickety ladder onto the boat for up to 3 weeks before the new part was fitted and then we got into the water with all our new toys fitted to the yacht i.e. 1500 litre per day water maker, AIS, new plotter, battery monitor, SSB/HF radio, BBQ, microwave, a freezer to add to the 3 fridges already on the boat and oven & 3 burners. The galley has 3 sinks with a 4th outside where fish are slaughtered before being devoured sashimi style or cooked. (Archana is in heaven and queen of the galley). We met some nice people there and invited them onto our yacht for dinner a few times over a Presente or Carab the 2 favourite beers over here.

Here at the boat yard we couldn’t use our water as it would create a flood in the yard so we had to have our shower in one open to the world to see at a cost of 1 Euro (in a pay machine) for a 5 minute cold shower that you had to keep pressing the button during those 5 minutes to keep the water flow coming. I am thinking of putting the same system in at home to get Archana to cut her 45 minute showers down. Here we could both have our showers within the 5 minute time limit which was an all time first. The secret is to now to get her from using 100 litres of water to clean her teeth on the yacht where the two biggest daily issues are power & water usage. The toilet also was an experience in Polypat.

Whilst we were in the ship yard at Polypat we hired a car for 3 weeks that allowed us to see the island, buy things for the yacht including a mountain of food (thousands of dollars worth including 150 litres of long life milk). The crew on our boat must be the most well fed around with Archana’s quality food the crew have also had sorbet, ice cream and several days of smoked salmon for lunch, pancakes, homemade yogurt & pressure cooker made bread. All really yummy. It doesn’t look as though the diet I thought I would be on during this trip will eventuate.

On other purchases two of the crew bought kayaks each so they can have a paddle around in some of the bucket list of places we are visiting. They have had a few places to test them out and others have had a play with them as well.

With the French capital of Margiot only a few minutes walk away we had the opportunity to visit the famous markets there with Archana once again being in her element bargaining with the fish sellers as well as the spice merchants where we made a big spend for the trip. One of the crew doesn’t like spicy food so Archana has been making bland offering to him which he seems happy with. How boring!!!!.

So finally we were off and my first mission was to navigate our new acquisition through the Polypat bridge with wind and current hindering me and being forced to go through the narrow opening at 5 knots to keep my course knowing I only had 2 foot either side. This task was made even more difficult with everyone taking movies and photos and asking me to smile at the worst possible moment. I got through with no mishap which was a blessing as it would have spoiled my year if I had ended up like a Catana 47 catamaran that the owner bailed out at the last minute and did $100,000+of damage to the yacht. This yacht was being repaired 2 boats along from us when we were on the Polypat hard stand and only 150 metres from the bridge. In the time we were in the boat yard we had a bird’s eye view to the many near misses of catamarans going through when the bridge opened 3 times a day.

So we were off and the 1st night we spent 200 metres off the beach at Anse Marcel in a bit of déjà vu considering the dramas that emanated there. The following morning we were off to St Barts, Colin one of the crew caught his first fish, we saw dolphins, turtles and a nude French man who passed us in his catamaran, had a nice lunch, swim and afternoon at a lovely little island near St Barts before entering the main harbour there with multimillion dollar yacht all around. My favourite was a 3 mast mono hull. Each mast was the same height and it had 18 hydraulically controlled sails that covered any space above deck on the whole of this 55-60 metre yacht. We visited the township and completed our formalities before returning to our yacht by tender and had a swim before dinner and the mandatory drinks (for in port use only).

Over the next few days we visited St Kitts, Portsmouth in Dominica (a great yachties place where we visited Indian River where Pirates of the Caribbean was shot, walks through rainforest, bought a hand of bananas with over 120 bananas on it for less than $5 but now we have the mission to eat them all considering they are all expected to ripen at the same time etc) then onto Tobago Cays which was what I expected all of the Caribbean to be about with the marine iguanas, so many turtles, sting rays and lots of other fish in this tranquil setting that Archana said she could spend a week there. They even had the boat boys come around with fresh baguettes and lobsters for sale to cruisers. We then left there for Grenada (the isle of spice) where you see so many waterfalls over the island and every town seems to have at least 10 spice stalls by the side of the road. We were sorry we went on the tour of the island on Good Friday as the rum distillery was closed. They must have known we were coming!!!!

On the way to Dominica we saw a few dolphins and a humpback whale looking over her calf doing 100 or so tail slaps to the delight of Archana & I and the other 5 crew. During the trip thus far I have had a number of new foods not experienced before i.e. Jamaican apple, fresh tamarind and chickoo (sapodillos).

Now I am writing this on the way to Bonaire some 400 nm from Granada. The wind has been right behind us all the way so have been doing it easily with just the headsail out but still averaging over 6 knots but peaking at 12.7 knots with 2 reefs in the headsail and no main sail. Colin caught his 3rd fish yesterday morning, a 90cm barracuda that we had for lunch an hour later. I was amazed how good eating it was as it is something I have never eaten before as you never see it at the fish shops. Yesterday we went within 1 metre of running over a huge turtle at 6 knots. He, fortunately for both of us, turned at just the right moment giving us a fright and also an experience. I saw my 1st Portuguese Man-War today. A huge marine stinger (about the size of a large coke bottle) with colourful sail. So many flying fish that are buzzing our boat constantly along with the birds dive bombing them with occasional success. On the Grenada to Bonaire leg we experienced our first gale as the wind hit 35 knots and 3 metre seas. On most of the other passages we were sailing close hauled with the wind so variable especially when coming out from the leeward side of the islands and into the open passages between the islands.

On the less than 3 day passage to Bonaire we had two days of up to 36 knot winds so it was nice to finally see land and moor up 50 metres off the main road in the capital in 5m of water on top of a coral reef where I have already had a few dives. One thing I am still getting used to is the heat. Unrelenting 30+ degrees every day. On one day I actually got burnt before 9am. Colin caught his 4th and 5th fish another barracuda & a tuna.

So the plan from now is to leave for Panama on Friday night (5th April) 5 days to do the 740nm passage, 4 days to wait to get through Panama, 5 days to get to Galapagos, 8 days there then say 21 days to get to the Marquesas. This is the best estimate I can give at this stage as so many variables to deal with.

Thank you to those of you wishing us your best via Archana’s regular blog and to others send emails etc.

Until the next update from me. Archana will still be keeping you enthralled with her perspective on the big trip on her regular updates on her blog. Only 8285nm (nautical miles i.e. almost double for kilometres) till we are home

[livefuntravelposts]

Travel to Tsavo for a true "Out of Africa" Experience

We stayed in a farm in Africa, at the foot of the Ngong Hills.  But that isn't really the start of our adventure.  It really started in Mombasa and getting picked up by our guide/driver Sammy.  He will be with us for the next 6 days from Mombasa to Tsavo to Amboseli National Park and then onto Nairobi.  Sammy is friendly, easy to talk to and knowledgeable about not just mammals but about all the birds that we are seeing.  This was especially important to Kati who loves to photograph all the birds in Africa.  It took us a couple of hours to get to our lodge in Tsavo East and the time went by quickly. We stayed at Satao Camp and were lucky enough to get the tent closest and facing a very popular water hole.  Like watching "Animal TV", over the next couple of days and nights we saw herds of elephants, antelope, giraffes, hippos and warthogs walk out of the bush and come to this waterhole.  This was the start of our adventure, and we were happy to be back in Africa.  

One of the many lions we came upon watching, waiting and enjoying the sunset.

Why Tsavo?

Tsavo is the place where there were two man-eating lions roamed and ate over 100 people in 1898 as depicted in the movie The Ghost and the Darkness starring Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas.  Tsavo East is the largest game park in Kenya, and it was a choice we had to make: Tsavo East or Tsavo West.  We chose Tsavo East mainly because of Satao Camp, and we are happy we did.  Over the next 4 days we saw lions after a kill, the red elephants of Tsavo, hippos, giraffes, and a leopard in a tree with its kill.  The landscape was surreal.  Dusty and dry, Tsavo needed the rains.  But they never came while we were there.  We also found The Real Africa, like the one described by Isak Dinesen's book Out of Africa.   Set out in the middle of the bush, our camp and the water hole were perfectly situated for the game drives and to see a multitude of animals coming and going from miles away to drink. We could experience the joy of the elephants coming over a ridge and seeing the water hole.  Herds of zebra and antelope.  We even had a genet in the dining room that came one night looking for food.  With the fire roaring, we ate delicious food for breakfast, lunch and dinner and had game drives most mornings and evenings.  We had a whole day game drive on one of the days and it proved spectacular as we saw 5 lions on a hunt, and then they came and sat down.  We were so close as they relaxed, slept and kept vigil.  This was an incredible experience and we really felt that we found The Real Africa.     This was why we came back to Africa.  It did not have the multitude of animals like Masai Mara, but it had the look and feel of a real African adventure.  Don't get me wrong, if there was one place, I would recommend seeing the Big 5 it would be the Masai Mara or to experience the Great Migration.  But we were looking for something different.  Something that I had not experienced since I lived in Africa. Something that was totally unexpected.  And Tsavo delivered.    

A herd of Zebras looking to finally get a drink in the dry and dusty savannah.

An Incredible Adventure

This was the fourth time Kati and I have been to Kenya.  We have also explored Uganda and Egypt, and I have lived for over 4 years in Zimbabwe and almost a year in South Africa.  We have also traveled to Cape Verde, Botswana, and Morocco, so we are not strangers to the African continent. But this time we wanted something different.  We wanted an "Out of Africa" adventure filled with animals, tented camps and great scenery.  And we got just that. With our tent, beautifully decorated with old Africa furnishings and overlooking the water hole, we were able to view animals from a couple of kilometers away traveling through the dusty bush.  The obvious joy that elephants experience when finally viewing the water hold was incredible.  They would start to trot, flapping their ears almost with smiles on their faces.  Big Tuskers, mothers with their young, and single bulls all came and went. We never tired of it. In the evenings, Impala filled the camp while jackals were on the prowl.  Hippos left the water hole and went to graze all night returning in the morning and elephants took over.  Zebra, water buck and giraffe all visited.  And there was a genet who would come into the dining room looking for something to eat before heading back into the bush. From our tent and around the camp we also saw owls, eagles and oryx. This all happened before we even left for a game drive.  This was a nightly occurrence as we lie in bed watching the animals come and go in front of us.  It was amazing. There were many camps to choose from in Tsavo, but we chose Satao Camp.  It gave us that great adventure and "Out of Africa" feeling, and the cost was good.  We found the Real Africa and will return here in the future.

The view from our tent overlooking the water hole.

Game Drives

We had two private game drives a day set up.  Both in the morning and evening.  Sammy our guide suggested we take one day and go further into the park and spend the day.  Satao Camp prepared a lunch box for us and we set out on our journey.  Tsavo was incredibly dry and dusty.  The red earth filled with air as we looked for the iconic African animals.  Sammy was outstanding and knowledgeable about all the animals, the park, birds and where to go for the best views.  One of the best aspects of Tsavo is that it is uncrowded, and we were virtually alone most of the time we were there. The final day, as we were almost out of the park, looking for a cheetah, we heard that there was a leopard in a tree with its kill.  Sammy asked if we wanted to go back.  Of course we did!  A leopard in a tree?  That was on my want list for a long time.  Having seen 4 leopards previously, they were all on the ground I really wanted to see a leopard with a kill up in a tree. We raced to where it was and by the time we got there, the leopard left the tree.  But as we got discouraged, Sammy said he spotted it in another tree.  It had climbed up to keep an eye on his kill, and there he was.  Sammy spotted it and we were overjoyed as we snapped photos. Sammy was a great guide filled with knowledge and willing to share.  We loved spending our time with him and were sad when we left him in Nairobi.

Finally we found the Leopard in a tree. He had his kill in a nearby tree and kept watch.

Our Final Word

After four incredible days, we had to say goodbye to Tsavo.  It was filled with iconic African wildlife including leopards, lions, elephants, giraffe, kudu, waterbuck, impala, zebra, oryx, owls, eagles and a whole lot more.  We continued our adventure to Amboseli National Park which is famous for its large herds of elephants and spectacular views of Mount Kilimanjaro.  We will cover that part of the adventure in another post. We wanted to find the Real Africa and we did.  We wanted that true Out of Africa experience, and we got it in Tsavo.  We ate delicious food under the African moon, watched animals at the water hole, had incredible game drives with Sammy our guide every day and still had time to read, write and relax.  This adventure checked off all the boxes for us and we look forward to returning someday. If you are looking for a true, authentic African adventure that is not overrun by tourists then look to Tsavo and Satao Camp.  We just might see you there. Dennis would like that.   This map was created with Wanderlog, a trip planner on iOS and Android        

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[zenjiiejiie]

Alright: EVAK time.

(Sorry this took so long)

1. David X Matteo (Davenzi)

Here we go; They are my #1 because I relate to both of them so fucking much as a masc trans person with a MI- them being my top EVAK comes from my love for them as characters (separately) rather than their relationship, though I adore that as well.

Matteo, very obviously imo, suffers from a major depressive disorder- and that's just my peer review. I could talk for hours about Matteo, his addiction, and his depression, from a professional point of view as well (as someone who's about to be a sophomore psychology major)

David, to me, is also so relatable. His issues with gender and his reaction to being outed were actually probably better than how I'd react, not to mention he's just such a loveable person, haha.

Their relationship means a lot to me, this series also shows that EVAK would end up together even if the story isn't the same because in this universe Isak is the one with a MI, in this universe Even is trans, not Bipolar; and while it changes things evak is still evak no matter what.

Plus it's a big fuck you to the people who say that ur not gay if you date a trans guy.

2. Elliot x Lucas (Elu)

Like I said, Elu are what put them In fourth so no wonder they're so high up! To be honest I just think that they, and their season, to just be very beautiful.

I love the way they handled Elliott's Bipolar disorder, I saw complaints that it wasn't as subtle (or maybe it was the other way around in not sure right now lol) as Even's and to that I say: because he's not Even. He's the series Even but he isn't him they have had different lives, no matter how similar, and everyone's symptoms are different.

And Lucas; God I just LOVE Lucas. I love the way he treats Elliott I love the relationship he has with the girl squad I love the friendships he has with the boys.

It also might be because I was able to see so much of them after their season compared to the other versions (up to s6)

3. Sander x Robbe (Sobbe)

I LOVE THEM.

Sorry- but I really do. I love how differently they showed Sanders MI I love that robbe didn't move in until later in the season I love the relationship between these two with the others in the show I love that they're different than the other Evak's but also the same. They're just beautiful and I love them.

Robbe breaking up with Noor before really starting with Sander, him having to apologize to Sander for running away, them getting hurt. All of that meant a lot to me no matter how much it hurt to watch. Sander and that's absolutely devastating scene when Robbe found him... I'll cry.

Plus, all the WTFOCKDOWN and post s3 stuff was nice, haha.

4. Even x Isak (Evak)

DON'T HATE ME!!! I'm sorry they're so low 💔 I love them with all my heart, they are the OGs they helped me a lot personally with being okay with who I am.

This is why it's so hard to rank my Evaks 💔 I always feel so bad for putting any of them outside of the top 3 but as much as I love them as the OGs and as much as a adore them they just don't hit the same as my top 3- I don't have the same connection or amount of time that the others do when it comes to me

They mean a lot to me; but I don't connect with them as much as I do Matteo and David or Robbe and Sander and I don't have as much time with them as I do with Elliott and Lucas

5. Martino x Niccolo (Nicotino)

They cute or whatever.

Loved how they changed Marti's relationship with his mama, especially as they were s2, not s3, but other than that, all I remember was that they were low-key cute whoops

Ranking of different skam/evak remakes?

So we're ranking my children now? This feels so wrong....

JK LETS FUCKING GOOO

So before I start, I'm gonna let you know that I haven't seen SKAM España or SKAM Netherlands (So I won't be ranking them at all) + as SRAM is still airing their s1 I won't be ranking them either!

Also, this is so long, so I'll post the EVAK rankings in a separate post! (Definitely didn't accidentally post this too soon and meant to do them both in one post)

Alright, first, I'll do my SKAM rankings which the reasoning for are quite short as I try my best not to mention the evak of the series as I will be talking about them in the evak rankings but they are as follows:

1. WTFOCK

I debated putting WTFOCK in second just because of Kato's season ngl, but in the end, they have some of my FAVORITE characterization's in any SKAM remake. Mainly, their characterizations of those in the flat share family (Milan, Zoë, Robbe, Senne, Sander) as for once they actually feel like a family during season 3 unlike some other variations (skam france).

I haven't spoken about it before, but most characterization's of The Eskild variation I don't like, but that's just because in most, it really feels like that don't care about the Isak (especially in SKAM France) but that's just me.

Their William (Senne) is the best version of him ever, and I can actually see how him and Zoë ended up together compared to the previous versions and tbh I love Noora in (almost) any version so I don't have much to say about her haha

But anyway, Senne and Zoë are like Robbe's parents, and Milan is basically Robbe's dad I said what I said

I love Jens, I love Jana, and I LOVE what they did during lockdown (the WTFOCKDOWN) all in all I just love the series and rewatch s1, 2, 3, wtfockdown, and s5 often (I'll even rewatch Their s7 as well)

2. DRUCK (SKAM Germany)

I've said before that DRUCK has one of the only 'Next Gen'/Original Characters that I can stand (Sascha Belin) but even outside of that I adore this series. Maybe it's because I knew a bit of German going into it (my family is German though I'm American) or maybe it's because they are close to me in age (I graduated in 2023) or maybe it could even be because I'm a trans person myself I'm not really sure, but DRUCK just hit different than the rest of the SKAM's do.

Plus, I can feel the love that Hans has for Matteo the same way I can feel the love Milan has for his boy Robbe 🤷‍♂️

I adore Matteo and Sascha, I would die for David, and I love Hanna (who may just be my favorite version of Eva ever)

3. SKAM

Yep, the original SKAM is in the top 3 (where else would it be?) To be honest, the only reason it's not first is because of characterization. Mainly William and Eskild's.

As I mentioned before, I am not a huge fan of Eskild. Though I do love him, I think that he's just a bit too much for me, lol. God, I hate William, though - in every variation execpt for Senne, and will never understand how Noora fell for such an asshole.

Anyway, I would say that no one can outdo the original, but obviously, that's not true (for me), but I will say that the original will always be special. It brought out so many important topics, like mental health, in a time that it wasn't common and was my heartstopper. It helped me come to terms with my MI and queerness and that's something I will always love it for.

4. SKAM France

I know, I know, "but SKAM France is so good!! It's the best version!!" WRONG! While I'll admit, France has one of the best s3 the over all series was NOT the best SKAM version that I've seen (though it's not the worse either)

Their William (Charles) was the worst pit of all of them, and so was their Eskild (Mika) I don't know why I feel that way about Mika but God that man gets on my nerves, though I'm happy he gets a partner in s5 (the first ever Eskild to do that) I just can't stand him.

Not to mention, it went on for way too long. Like I've said before, I rarely ever like the original characters, and this rings so true for SKAM France- they should have just kept it to Arthur and Lola (as they both had connections to the SKAM characters from the first seasons)

The only reason it's #4 is because of Elu and Yann. Hell, I can barely stand their Noora, and Eva that's saying something.

5. SKAM Italia

So, like, It's not the best remake, but it's not SKAM Austin, so it's next to last haha tbh I liked Marti and Nico but other than that it wasn't,,, great?? Like, I don't know. I like it, I'll rewatch it. I don't really have anything to say, negative or positive, about this version (that isn't evak varient related at least)

6. SKAM Austin

Die. Die. Die. Die this show should never have been made it fucking sucks I hate hate HATE it, shay was the only okay character.

Listen, I'm allowed to hate it. Do you know how excited I was to have a SKAM not only in my country but my hometown??? I don't live in Austin anymore so I feel safe saying that but fuck man I was so happy and then they put out that fucking bullshit- I couldn't even get through the first fucking episode.

[frankendykes-monster]

@ligaratus asked me for Superman recommendations, which presents the rare opportunity that someone other than my girlfriend has provoked me to pull out my extensive knowledge of great Silver Age (1956 - 1969) Superman stories. Now, Superman has been in publication nonstop since 1938, but if we're being realistic, if you want the best of the best with the character, you're just going to be reading that decade of comics from beginning to end, but here are my highlights:

Action Comics #162 (November 1951) - "It!": Superman fends off a seemingly incomprehensible fourth-dimensional entity. This one gives a solid basis for what Silver Age Superman is like, in that he lives in a world where hes already taken extensive measures in making it a better place, and so you really arent going to see him fending off the various forces of evil, but rather do increasingly weird and complex problem solving. Of course that sort of status quo gets us to now, where the only half-decent Superman villains are Lex Luthor, Brainiac, Bizarro...Mr. Mxyzptlk...Metallo...?...yeah.

Superman #76 (May 1952) - "The Mightiest Team in The World": This one is a pretty easy recommendation, as it's the very first team-up between Superman and Batman. Even though we had been getting Superman and Batman stories since World's Finest Comics started publishing in 1941, we had never gotten a story starring both of them until a decade later. This one is mainly interesting for historical reasons, but I'm not going to mention any more stories involving DC characters outside of the Superman mythos starting now.

Superman #101 (November 1955) - "The Rainbow Doom": Superman has a rainbow stuck around his body that causes whatever physical objects in his close proximity to turn to glass. This one is pretty solid because it's an early example of how engage in incredibly preposterous hoaxes to get the edge in an ongoing battle, which is to say that this is a story that involves Superman tricking everyone into thinking he's turned Lois Lane into glass i.e. killed her as one of the steps that allows him to win.

Adventure Comics #247 (April 1958) - "The Legion of Super-Heroes": This isnt a Superman story, rather a SuperBOY story. Which is to say that Superman started his heroic adventures as a child in Smallville. Anyhow, I motherfucking LOVE the Legion of Super-Heroes. This story is their first appearance, and essentially they're a club of children from the 30th century that love and adore Superboy, and go back in time to put him through arbitrary trials to see if he's cool enough to hang out with them, which they intentionally sabotage, because these are the shenanigans that elementary schoolers frequently engage in. I'm not going to bring up any other Legion appearances here because honestly I'd say read every Silver Age Legion story.

Action Comics #242 (July 1958) - "The Super-Duel in Space": This is the first appearance of Brainiac, and he's a great science fiction/horror concept of a super-intellegent computer that must learn everything and shrinks down organisms so as to extensively study them, that also just happens to fight Superman on a regular basis. This is also the first appearance of the Bottled City of Kandor, the last piece of Kryptonian civilization, and it presents one of the great dilemmas of the Silver Age, in that Superman cant figure out how to restore it in size.

Action Comics #252 (May 1959) - "The Supergirl of Krypton!": This is the first appearance of Supergirl, and she's going to occupy a similar niche as the Legion of Super-Heroes on account of the fact that I have an intense love for the character and am not going to mention any more stories involving the character because then I'd have to mention all of them.

Superman #129 (May 1959) - "The Girl in Superman's Past!": Clark reminisces about a girl he was in love with in college, Lori Lemaris, which makes the third ongoing love interest of his following Lois Lane and Lana Lang. The difference being that Lori is a mermaid from Atlantis.

Action Comics #254 (July 1959) - "The Battle With Bizarro!": This is the first appearance of Bizarro, there's not much more to it.

Superman #141 (November 1960) - "Superman's Return to Krypton!": Superman travels through the time barrier and ends up being stuck on Krypton and struggling to find a way back before it explodes; basically one of the great tragic stories of this era.

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #48 (November 1960) - "The Mystery of The Tiny Supermen!": Jimmy Olsen's solo series is ANOTHER case of me having to restrain myself from mentioning every issue, but this is a special case for introducing an important part of the mythos, the Superman Emergency Squad, which is where a group from Kandor all dress up like Superman and do his regular duties while he's incapacitated.

Superman #143 (February 1961) - “Bizarro Meets Frankenstein!”: Now THIS is a great Bizarro story.  Bizarro sees in a television broadcast that Frankenstein’s Monster is referred to as “The World’s Scariest Monster” and seeing as that title should belong to him, he decides to do something about it.  Which manifests in Superman having to protect the actor that plays the Monster from Bizarro.

Superman #147 (August 1961) - “The Legion of Super-Villains!”: I know I said I wouldn’t mention the Legion again but I’ll make an exception for here, where Lex Luthor travels to the future to get the assistance of their counterpart team.

Superman #149 (November 1961) - “The Death of Superman!”: This is the first Imaginary Story I’m bringing up i.e. one that isn’t “canon”.  As much as I’m not a giant fan of this incarnation of Lex Luthor, I can’t deny that this is the character at his very best.  Luthor pretends to have finally reformed so as to get an opportunity to get in close to Superman and kill him, which he actually does, leaving the rest of the world to pick up the pieces.

Superman #156 (October 1962) - “The Last Days of Superman!”: All the wacky shenanigans I’ve already written own aside, this is without any doubt the best single-issue Superman story ever written.  Superman is infected with Virus X from Krypton and given 30 days to live, and spends that time carrying out all the missions he planned to officially make the world a better place.  The moment where he carves his final words into the Moon?

Action Comics #300 (May 1963) - “Under The Red Sun!”: This is another great tragic story.  The Superman Revenge Squad (I’m not getting into them after talking at lenght about Comet) sends Superman into the year 1,000,000 A.D., with him being unable to return to the past on account of how the now red sun has stripped him of his powers.

Gets me every fucking time.

Action Comics #293 (October 1962) - “The Secret Origin of Supergirl’s Super-Horse!”: Yeah I just wanted to take this opportunity to talk about what is undoubtedly the strangest comic book character I have ever seen, Comet the Super-Horse.  He was first introduced as one of the Superpets, a legacy that got started with Krypto the Super-Dog, but here we, uh.  Learn that Comet was actually a centaur named Biron from ancient Greece who was accidently turned into a horse by Circe who tried to make up for it by giving him the powers of “ Jove, Mercury, Athena, and Neptune”, and then he’s sent into the distant future (our present) and outer space by an evil wizard.  Also sometimes a comet comes by the Earth that turns him into a complete human with amnesia that goes on to date Supergirl even though most of the time he’s a horse that she owns.  Yeah.  Any time someone tries to bring up how weird comics are without knowing who Comet is, they ain’t seen shit yet.

Superman #162 (July 1963) - “The Amazing Story of Superman-Red and Superman-Blue!”: This is probably the most famous Imaginary Story, with Superman being fed up that he can’t solve all the world’s problems, so he uses a machine to increase his intelligence that ends up splitting him into two separate Supermen that are now capable of doing everything Superman wanted.  Also one marries Lois and one marries Lana.  It’s great.

Action Comics #304 (September 1963) - “The Interplanetary Olympics!”: This one is pretty simple, Superman is chosen as Earth’s representative in the Interplanetary Olympics where it seems everyone is stronger than he is.

Superman #164 (October 1963) - “The Showdown Between Luthor and Superman!”: Another simple one; Superman and Lex Luthor engage in a boxing match on a planet with a red sun.

Superman #167 (February 1964) - “The Team of Luthor and Brainiac!”: Says it in the title.

Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #51 (August 1964) - “The Three Wives of Superman!”: Last Imaginary Story, and this one’s a doozy.  Superman marries and becomes widowed to Lois Lane, Lana Lang, and Lori Lemaris in a quick succession.

[folerdetdufoler]

a snippet

for @redygetsetgone, from my bang fic: one word, nine letters. this is from chapter two. for some context, isak is a second-year at nissen, and even...is a stranger. but he’s tall and handsome and there was something about him the first time isak saw him that just stuck.

i start posting this coming friday, so the first chapter will go up on the 24th! the story will be accompanied by a perfectly moody playlist and artwork by @in-wonder-underground

Isak didn’t see Even again until he opened his own front door a week later. Marianne was staying late at work to enjoy a happy hour with her colleagues, so Isak was home alone on Friday night studying. He and Sana had done well on their project, but now came the intense review sessions needed for their upcoming exams. Isak didn’t usually study with Sana after Friday prayers, so he only had a frozen pizza to keep him company, and a game of FIFA waiting as a reward once he was done. The buzz of the doorbell cut through the calming sound of rain outside his open bedroom window, and Isak jolted out of his desk chair.

The buzzing was insistent, and echoed down the hall as Isak made his way to the front door. “Calm down,” Isak muttered. He put on a politely neutral face when he reached for the handle.

“Even?”

Even was standing there, soaked through from the rain, and very much surprised to see Isak. “Do we know each other?” His voice was rough and quiet, barely audible over the rain. Isak’s home had a small overhang at the entrance but nothing that could really protect someone from the elements. Isak powered past both of their surprise and opened the door wide.“Come in, come in, you’re all wet.”

Even hesitated, then crossed the threshold. He was in jeans and sneakers and a windbreaker that did nothing to stop the rain. Isak shut the door. Even cleared his throat. “Um, is Marianne home?”

“No, she’s still at the university. Hold on, let me get you a towel.” Isak was still entirely confused about Even’s presence, but he couldn’t just stand there letting the man drip in the hallway. There were rivers running down his neck, and his hair was plastered to his forehead, barely pushed away from his eyes. Luckily their bathroom was right around the corner, so Isak lunged into it and pulled down the closest towel he could slap his hand on.

Even took the towel tentatively, their hands almost touching through the terrycloth. Isak walked him through the steps. “Take off your jacket; I can hang it to dry in the bathroom. And your shoes…socks. We….” Isak did a quick assessment of the man: he was slightly taller than him but they shared a similar build. He could probably fit into something loose of Isak’s, so he made the decision right there to get Even changed. “Let me go get some clothes for you. Hold on.”

He ran to his room without thinking. He had one purpose: to make this man dry and comfortable, and any questions about why he was in Isak’s house in the first place were to be ignored. He skidded to a halt in front of his dresser, pulling out the top drawer for socks, the second drawer for an oversized t-shirt, and the bottom drawer for a pair of joggers. He drew the line at underwear though—if the man was that soaked then he would just have to suffer.

“Here. You can change into these dry clothes in the bathroom.”

Even looked confused, and didn’t take the offered bundle. “No, no, it’s okay. If she’s not home I’ll just head out.”

Isak felt something sink in his chest, a shock of disappointment at Even’s logic. Of course he wasn’t going to stay if Marianne wasn’t home. But Isak needed him to. “She…she’s working late, but she should be home soon. You came all this way in the rain. If you wait a little bit you’ll be able to see her.” It was a lie; Isak didn’t know when Marianne was going to be home. But he still needed Even to stay, and this would buy him some time. “If you change, I can dry your clothes.” Isak begged Even with his eyes, but Even’s own gaze was cast downward, still on the clothes. “I would feel like a complete asshole if I turned you away in this rain, to wait at the bus stop. I…I would offer to drive you wherever you need to go but I don’t have my license yet.” Isak’s voice had gotten quiet, a bit of shame creeping in with his plea.

And that seemed to unlock Even. “Is the bathroom right…?” His eyes darted over to the corner.

“Yes, yes, right over there.” The clothes finally exchanged hands. Even walked into the bathroom and gently closed the door behind him. As soon as he heard the latch click, Isak ran back to his bedroom again. He had to get his phone and text Marianne.

[inmyarmswrappedin]

How has this happened? How did Skam Italia - the remake that deprived a Muslim actress of playing Sana - arguably released the best Sana season? I remember when it seemed like a no-brainer to predict that druck would provide the best version by far and Italia would be fighting to be the worst.

Hi anon 🐞 Lol I mean, how are we defining "best" here? Because tbh (and I'm hardly an Amira M season stan) I thought the way Druck combined the alcohol and fight scenes from Skam into one episode, to make a lot more sense, be more relevant to Amira M than Isak fighting Mikael or Martino fighting Luai (which is second hand drama for Sana at best), develop Essam beyond the super flat portrayals of the Elias Bakkoush characters, and doesn't invoke "homophobic Muslims" tropes.

Seriously, why is Sana A's season the "best" Sana season when off the top of my head, it has: Christian-style exorcisms performed on gay Muslims, a hijabi taking off her hijab at the insistence of two male friends, a close friend admitting to Sana she started the bullying that causes her trauma to this day and not being further touched upon after that clip, a whole bunch of time being dedicated to a side storyline about the gay couple breaking up in which Sana is a spectator to the drama rather than being involved (like I full on watched a scene where she went into the school counselor's office and stood and watched as people recounted this drama), and a Det Beste Fra Islam clip full of explicit Catholic imagery (because it happens during a Catholic ritual gsgvhvs)? And that's without getting into the politics of the fandom claiming that they hired a Muslim writer, when she's only ever credited as a consultant -- and not because Skam Italia never credits co-writers.

In my opinion, the Italian Sana season gets so much praise because of these two factors:

1) People who disagree with the casting of Beatrice Bruschi as Sana aren't big voices in Skam Italia fandom. Their voices aren't amplified, liked and reblogged among the Skam Italia fandom, for obvious reasons. So if these people watched the season and didn't like it, their posts weren't going to get reblogged because they wouldn't agree with Skam Italia fandom's position that "yeah ok they fucked up with the casting, but our season is the best!!!!" The reason critical voices were far more prevalent in other Sana seasons like Druck, Skam France, Skam España, even Wtfock, is because all these critical voices were already established in the actual fandoms. People in these fandoms already looked to them for meta, rather than sidelining their voices for being critical of the casting.

2) Sana Allagui's season was never, ever subjected to the same scrutiny as every other Sana season, because it never dropped in real time. It dropped all at once; therefore, viewers were never made to sit for hours with uncomfortable clips. (Like a number of the clips I mentioned above.)

Anyway, to me this is, idk, like making a bunch of humanities students take the final exam in a college-level Math course. One of them got a 4/10 instead of 1/10 or 2/10 or 3/10 like the others. Wow!! She is "arguably" the best! When you know all these seasons have engaged in harmful stereotyping that hasn't gotten subverted, have prioritized white characters and viewers over Muslim characters/viewers and characters/viewers of color, and have not pushed against the idea that Muslim people should integrate and all be cultural experts if they want to be accepted.

For me, the best "Sana" seasons are Zehra's season in blank, and Aisha's season in the 17-verse. They both treated centered their mains' experiences over those of white people's, both introduced a range of different male and female characters of color, both handled familial relationships in more interesting ways, both developed the love pairing well. I honestly think the only network that took the feedback NRK got after Sana's season seriously and worked to address it in meaningful ways was... NRK.

[lilacpotter]

“Even! For god’s sake, I don’t need them!”

“But you’ll go hungry, Mik!”

“I just ate in the morning.” Mikael pouted, crossing his arms like a child.

“Which was almost four hours ago.” Even sighed, exhausted.

“I swear to god if you both don’t shut up now I’m reporting you to the guards!”

Even shut his mouth up almost immediately, but Mikael was scowling at the guy as if he was going to report him to the guards. They were at the tiny stadium, gathered around to watch a random football match. It wasn’t a really important one, so there weren’t many people, and even those who were there, didn’t look like they were going to take it seriously, well, everyone except this big guy behind them.

“What’s his problem?” Mikael leaned in to whisper.

Mikael, for some reason, did not bring any money and was now watching everyone buy snacks and popcorn and drinks. But Even couldn’t let any of his friends go hungry so he was desperately trying to share his stuff with him, but Mikael kept refusing. Which was odd because he usually stole food from everyone.

“He hates us.”

“Well, obviously, but what is his problem?”

“I don’t know, Mik. Now, if you don’t eat the food I’m gonna have to drag you back home.” Even warned him seriously.

“Even, come on.” Mikael groaned. “You’ll need them.”

Even was confused. “For what?”

“For ‘sharing’.”

“Huh?”

“You’ll see.”

“Sometimes you baffle me, Mik.” Even shook his head.

“Only sometimes?” He winked, before hurriedly saying. “Okay, but look, I’m gonna have Adam’s snacks now so stop worrying and stay chill.”

“What are you talki-”

“Halla,”

Even’s heart started beating faster. He knew that voice. He could recognise that voice anywhere. It was the same voice that had lived in his mind rent-free for all these months. And when he turned around, he saw the very same face that haunted his dreams at night.

Isak Valtersen stood beside him, looking gorgeous and so lovely and as if he had appeared straight out of Even’s wet dreams. Am I dreaming?

“Uh...halla.” Even looked to Mikael, silently asking him what Isak was doing here. Isak fucking Valtersen.

But his friend only looked back at him smugly before reaching around and holding his hand out for Isak to shake.

“Hey, Isak. Glad you joined us, man.” He grinned all too knowingly. “Take a seat.”

“Thank you.”

Isak glanced at Even shyly before sitting down beside Even. His shoulders and the complete left side of his body was touching Even’s, and Even was too gone to move away.

This boy will be the end of him.

Even knew that Mikael had something in his mind when he forced Even to sit at one end, but he never expected Mikael had invited Isak over to join them.

Isak was….Even’s professor’s son. And although he respected prof. Marianne- way more than any other teacher -he couldn’t help but be enamoured by Isak. Isak was two years younger than him, and sometimes used to come over following his mother while carrying stuff for her to the classes. That’s how Even had found the boy.

When he met Even’s gaze from across the room for the first time-- him standing beside his mother while Even was with the boys who were too busy laughing boisterously -- Isak looked away shyly, blushing and licking his lips. Even had found it so sweet, and since then he couldn’t take his eyes off him.

It continued, and soon Isak got a little more bold with his looks, but...it just remained that. Even never dared to ask Isak out, the painful reminder that he was his professor’s son and so, he wasn’t yet sure if he was allowed to date him. Meanwhile, Isak never made any move, always watched him from afar instead.

Even shook those thoughts away and looked at him.

Today, he had worn a cap, a faded white t-shirt and dark jeans. He looked perfect. And so lovely. Even wanted to chuck the cap off and comb his fingers through those soft-looking curls.

Isak looked up at him again, as if he had read Even’s thoughts, before he averted his gaze down, with a blush resting high up on his cheeks. So sweet. He was so sweet. Even wished he could hold his hand and tell him he wouldn’t mind it if Isak were to shift any closer to him. Hell, he could crush him down and he would thank Isak for it.

I’m so gone for him.

The match started, and then followed the cheers and the whistles. There were just a few hundred or so spectators, but it was still noisy. Mikael and Adam were busy whispering to each other, leaving Even with Isak. But he was too nervous to start a conversation with him, like always. What if he snapped at me for interrupting him watching the game? Isak did look like he was the type of guy who enjoyed matches way too much, especially when it was a football match. What if he doesn’t actually like me that way? What if I’ve been reading everything wrong? What if I’m just overreacting right now and should chill down?

It was a while later, when, as if to answer all his nervousness, the kiss cam that everyone so loved, that Even so loved-- because he went all sappy at all the couples kissing --seemed to have decided to target Isak and Even, because right now it was gliding towards them, zooming in on their area, their row, and finally pausing at Isak and Even.

Kill me now.

Everyone around them burst out cheering and whistling, Mikael was yelling excitedly. The rest of the audience were urging them to go on, to fucking kiss already.

Even’s face turned white. He turned around to find Isak with his mouth dropped open, a similar look of surprise and shock on his face, but his face flaming red right now.

God.

What do I do?

The kiss cam was still pointing at them, and the crowd was still whistling, and Isak still looked shocked, lovely pink on his cheeks.

Maybe…

Maybe this is my chance.

It probably wouldn’t mean anything anyway. Right? It was just some kiss cam. He didn’t need to think so seriously about it.

Even took a deep breath in, before leaning in slightly, ever so slightly. His heart was pounding in his chest. Thud. Thud. Thud.

He was so close to Isak, just about to touch his cheek-- holy fuck it’s happening --to let him know he was going to kiss him, when the younger boy turned suddenly, eyes wide like a deer and pushed Even away.

Even fell back, too shocked for a second, and when he opened his eyes, Isak looked like he realised a moment too late what he’d done. What has he done?

The crowd was still howling, and Isak was about to say something, an apologetic look on his face, but Even waved him off, strangely feeling hollow. It was fine. He wasn’t going to make Isak feel uncomfortable. He looked straight into the camera and gestured a big ‘NO’ with his fingers. The crowd booed at that, but a few moments later the kiss cam went away, leaving them alone.

Beside him, Isak’s shoulders relaxed a tiny bit, and Even cursed the gods. What was I even thinking?

Of course he doesn’t want me.

He couldn’t avoid feeling frustrated with himself. Why do I always hope too much? He should’ve realised that by now.

Of course no one wanted him.

The match continued after that, and Even felt strangely empty.

On his other side, Mikael reached a hand out and rubbed his back, but he didn’t look sympathetic at all. He was still smiling slightly. This fucker. Even wanted to ask him what he was thinking. Maybe share with me and make me forget my misery?

But then, the kiss cam zoomed on them again in the next round and Even groaned quietly.

Jesus fucking christ.

What was up with the cameraman today?

Even shook his head this time, refusing to kiss. It was easier to do now that Isak had already shown him how he actually felt about him….which was nothing. The kiss cam went away eventually. To his right, Isak bit his bottom lip as he glanced up at Even.

Those damn eyes.

It was unfair how infuriatingly beautiful he looked, and it actually hurt that Even could never claim him as his’. I shouldn’t have let my hopes up.

It happened like this for another five or so times, the kiss cam kept zooming back on them for some reason, zooming onto their flushed faces, mere inches apart, and the crowd eventually stopped booing, probably realising that they weren’t going to kiss no matter what.

On the seventh kiss cam or so, Even sighed dejectedly and looked down instead, picking a random thread off his sleeve. He felt more awful than usual. Today seemed unnecessarily longer.

He just wanted to go home, hide his face in a pillow, and wallow in misery. He mentally flipped his fate out and continued sulking.

It was a few seconds later, the kiss cam still hadn’t budged, he didn’t notice the little gasps in the crowd, or how Mikael stiffened beside him, or most importantly, how he could feel Isak’s breath on his neck.

A warm hand slid around his waist, and Even glanced up, eyes wide, to find Isak already staring at him, a nervous smile on his precious face. Oh my god. Isak licked his lips, his eyes were unnaturally dark, and then, a second later, Even felt a hot pair of soft lips against his’.

Holy fuck.

Isak moved his lips, kissing Even, like, literally kissing him! It took some time for Even to recover from the shock, but he kissed back a moment later, and all the clapping and cheering of the crowd drowned away. Mikael’s yells faded into silence, and all Even could hear and taste was Isak, Isak, Isak.

It was happening. It was really happening.

Isak kissed him back passionately, and Even was so gone for this boy. His hand still rested on Even’s waist as they broke apart eventually. Isak broke into a shy smile, his pink lips glistening now.

Even was a bit too dazed to notice the crowd basically going crazy. The kiss cam eventually went away, and Mikael was slapping his back while shouting into his ear.

“Was it okay?” Isak asked, a while later, when the excitement died down and the match continued.

His hand had slid down Even’s back and was now lightly perching on Even’s thigh. Even dared to place his own hand on top of his.

He looked up at Isak’s face. “It was more than okay.”

The younger boy smiled, looking pleased. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

And what?

“Really?”

Isak nodded. “Um.. I’m sorry for earlier, you know. I just- panicked.” He grimaced.

Oh.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I- I’ve always wanted to ask you out. But, I guess I never found the courage.” Isak said, suddenly embarrassed.

Even was too surprised to respond properly. “You’re adorable, you know that?” he blurted out.

Isak gaped at him. “Fuck off. I’m not adorable. I’m hot, and you know that.”

Even snorted before trying to cover it up with a series of coughs. “You are, you are.”

“Excuse me!?”

“What? I’m just saying, I agree that you’re hot.”

Isak was blushing furiously.

“But you are cute too. A person can be both cute and hot, you know?” Even smiled.

“Yeah, whatever,” Isak rolled his eyes.

“What about me?”

“Huh?”

“Do you think I’m hot?”

“What kind of conversation is this? I just basically told you that I’m interested in you, Even!” Isak exaggerated, and Even couldn’t help but laugh. He melted at hearing his own name from Isak’s lips. It sounded too good.

Oh my god.

“Now you’re laughing.” Isak complained, crossing his arms. “Great, it’s funny.”

Even calmed down before he smiled at Isak. “No, not at all. I- I like you too.” I fucking love you.

Isak’s eyes widened ever so slightly and he licked his lips. “Yeah?”

Even nodded. “Yeah. Will you go out with me?”

Isak broke into a smile. “After this match?”

“After this match.”

“Okay.” Isak said without any hesitation.

All the questions about will your mother be okay with this? Are you sure about this? All of them faded away.

Even simply enjoyed watching Isak. They could talk about it all later.

He offered up his snacks a moment later. “Want this?”

Turned out, Isak wasn’t any less of a food lover than Mikael, because somehow, a while later, the popcorn tub ended up in his lap. And Even was too enamoured by it.

They left the stadium together, hand in hand, while sharing soft little smiles.

.

Meanwhile, after the two boys left, identical sappy looks on his face, Mikael dragged Adam to the cameraman, smugly smirking to himself. He took a bunch of cash and gave it to the guy, who saluted him.

“What the fuck? Why did you give him money?” Adam gaped.

“Dude, did you think the kiss cam was just simply programmed to keep zooming back on Isak and Even, or what?”

It took a moment for Adam to realise. “Holy fuck. You asked the cameraman to do it?”

“I paid him. My pocket is empty right now, but hey, it worked though!” Mikael shot a fist into the air. It was about time they got their shit together.

Adam shook his head, laughing. “You’re a madman.”

“I’m a good friend.” Mikael scoffed.

He was tired of watching Even’s lovesick face every time Isak appeared. He needed to do something, okay? And luckily, this was one of the many attempts that actually worked.

[evakcardamom]

Dagsavisen has written a review of the premiere of 20 November last night:

By: Av Inger Marie Kjølstadmyr, Dagsavisen

This performance gets a big lump in the throat

Tarjei Sandvik Moe excels in the role of a young man who plans a school shooting in the Lars Norén play «20. November".

5

THEATRE

«20. November"

by Lars Norén

Director: Ilene Sørbøe

With: Tarjei Sandvik Moe

Teaterkjeller’n, Centralteatret

Although Oslo has again become a more open city and the summer this weekend has made its full entry into the capital, there are places where the summer light does not let in. In Teaterkjeller’n at Centralteatret, for example. These days it is dark when Lars Norén's «20. November »finally get to meet a small audience. And thanks to Norén's good text, Ilene Sørbø's steady direction and last but certainly not least Tarjei Sandvik Moe's fabulous role interpretation, this darkness is one of the most unpleasant you can experience on a summer day in Oslo in 2021.

And I do not know, but maybe some performances benefit from being stored for a while - just like good wine. For «20. November »should have premiered in the spring of 2020, which is starting to be quite a long time ago, but its effect on the audience has by no means faded over the past time.

«20. november »is a play made by Swedish Lars Norén, who died of covid-19 in January this year, and the German actress Anne Tismer in the wake of a school massacre in Germany committed by 18-year-old Sebastian Bosse. The play premiered in 2007 and is thus fourteen years old. But the topic is unfortunately still very relevant. Bosse left behind diary notes and poems that have become part of the stage text, and this documentary material makes us come uncomfortably close to the young boy who wanted revenge on all the bullies from growing up, all the materialistic, meaningless people around him and the whole system that he experienced a great and ever-growing hatred for. In the play, we meet him an hour and ten minutes before he is to carry out the massacre against his former school.

But then: Tarjei Sandvik Moe must be one of our most talented young actors. Since he took Norway by storm in the role of Isak in the TV series Skam, he has been shown that he has a large register to play on through other roles in TV, film and theater. The role of Sebastian is perhaps one of his best to date. For not only does he fill the cold young man with moments of recognizable warmth, but he also gives the character a body language that expresses a complex of emotions: there is a tense nervousness over him combined with a feeling of power, while we sense the sadness and powerlessness in his face even though his face is quite devoid of emotional expression. And then he laughs occasionally. Of himself, of us in the audience, which he constantly talks about and is part of the society he wants to affect, and of quite ordinary things that young people like to laugh at.

The laughter is both liberating and contagious, but it does not prevent me from sitting through the whole performance with a lump that alternates between being in the throat and in the stomach.

In Oscar Udbye's spartan scenography, Sebastian walks like on a small, black catwalk; he will be seen. And he will see. On two large screens, we twenty in the audience can see ourselves and the area we are sitting in, as on surveillance cameras. Sebastian is watching us. This emphasizes the confrontational style of this play and makes us part of the system Sebastian hates.

But even though this is a strong and brutal performance that touches us who see, I wonder a bit about the actual effect of the performance. For as Sebastian himself says; people are going to commit similar crimes after him as well. And considering that both the real and the fictional Sebastian basically said this 15 years ago or more, we know today that he is unfortunately right. Because even though Sebastian in the form of Sandvik Moe scares the shit out of us, and makes us realize that what we had to send out of bad energy in the world can quickly strike back at ourselves, we know that people still have a strange pleasure to incite both online and in real life, and that terrorist acts and massacres are planned and carried out.

It has also been shown in connection with another Norén piece with a break in society, that the result was different than Noren planned. I think then of the play «7: 3» from 1999 where two of the actors were inmates who committed serious crimes, even murders, during the leave they were given to make theater with Norén. Norén's idea had always been that the play should contribute to something good for the prisoners and lead them back into society in a positive way. But reality trumped the artist and the theater. So what about all the Sebastians out there - help «20. November »us to see them before it's too late? I'm not sure, but if the answer could only be close to a yes, Teaterkjeller’n should open its doors to as many people as possible as soon as possible. And then the audience will get a fantastic acting performance on the purchase.

[tarjeismoeworknews]

This performance will leave you with a huge lump in your throat

Tarjei Sandvik Moe excels in the role of a young man who plans a school shooting in Lars Norén’s play “20 November".

5

THEATRE

“20 November" by Lars Norén Director: Ilene Sørbøe With: Tarjei Sandvik Moe Teaterkjeller’n, Centralteatret

Even if Oslo again has become a more open city and summer has made its full entry into the capital this weekend, there are places that the summer light will not reach. Like Teaterkjeller’n at Centralteatret, for example. In there it’s pitch black these days when Lars Norén's “20 November” finally gets to meet a small audience. And thanks to Norén's terrific text, Ilene Sørbø's steady direction, and last but certainly not least Tarjei Sandvik Moe's fabulous role interpretation, this darkness is one of the most unpleasant you can experience on a summer day in Oslo in 2021.

And I don’t know, maybe some performances benefit from being stored for a while - just like good wine. For “20 November” should have premiered in the spring of 2020, which by now is beginning to be quite a long time ago, but its effect on the audience has by no means faded over the past time.

“20 November” is a play written by Swedish Lars Norén, who died of covid-19 in January this year, and the German actress Anne Tismer, in the wake of a school massacre in Germany committed by 18-year-old Sebastian Bosse. The play premiered in 2007 and is thus fourteen years old. But the topic is unfortunately still very relevant. Bosse left behind diary notes and poems that have become part of the stage text, and this documentary material makes us get uncomfortably close to the young boy who wanted revenge on all his childhood bullies, all the materialistic, meaningless people around him, and the whole system that he experienced a great and ever-growing hatred for. In the play, we meet him an hour and ten minutes before he is to carry out the massacre against his former school.

But really: Tarjei Sandvik Moe must be one of our most talented young actors. Since he took Norway by storm in the role of Isak in the TV series Skam, he has shown his large register through other roles in TV, film and theater. The role of Sebastian is perhaps one of his best to date. For not only does he fill the cold young man with moments of recognizable warmth, but he also gives the character a body language that expresses a complex of emotions: there is a tense nervousness in him combined with a feeling of power, while we at the same time sense the sadness and powerlessness in his face even though his face is quite devoid of emotional expression. And then he laughs occasionally. At himself, at us in the audience, who he constantly talks to and about and who are part of the society he wants to affect, and at quite ordinary things that young people like to laugh at.

The laughter is both liberating and contagious, but it does not prevent me from sitting through the whole performance with a lump that alternates between being in my throat and in my stomach.

In Oscar Udbye's spartan scenography, Sebastian walks like on a small, black catwalk; he wants to be seen. And he wants to see. On two large screens, we twenty in the audience can see ourselves and the area we are sitting in, as on surveillance cameras. It is Sebastian who is watching us. This emphasizes the confrontational style of this play and makes us part of the system Sebastian hates.

But even though this is a strong and brutal performance that touches us who watches, I wonder a bit about the actual effect of the performance. For as Sebastian himself says; people are going to commit similar crimes after him as well. And considering that both the real and the fictional Sebastian basically said this 15 years ago or more, we know today that he is unfortunately right. Because even though Sebastian in the form of Sandvik Moe scares the shit out of us, and makes us realize that what bad energy we’ve sent out into the world may quickly come back to hit us, we know that people still find a strange pleasure in trolling both online and in real life, and that terrorist acts and massacres are planned and carried out. 

This has also been shown in connection with another Norén piece about breaks in society, where the result was different than what Noren had planned. I’m thinking of the play “7:3” from 1999, where two of the actors were inmates who committed serious crimes, even murders, during the leave they were given to make theater with Norén. Norén's idea had always been that the play should contribute to something good for the prisoners and lead them back into society in a positive way. But reality trumped the artist and the theater. So what about all the Sebastians out there - will “20 November” help us to see them before it's too late? I'm not sure, but if the answer is even close to a yes, Teaterkjeller’n should open its doors to as many people as possible as soon as possible. And then the audience will get a fantastic acting performance to boot.

Big thanks to @evakcardamom for givinig me a head up about this great review

[teejaysnow]

Since I translated this article for tarjeimoeperu on IG, I thought I’d put it up on here as well:

Without a crew

Tarjei Sandvik Moe (20) has become weirder since “Skam”. Now he enters his darkest character yet.

“I didn’t reflect on it in the beginning, that this is the first time I play someone that’s lived in the real world. It feels remarkable to carry the words of someone who died in 2006.”

A crumpled script lies on the table in front of Tarjei Sandvik Moe, there are no others in the actor foyer in Oslo Nye theatre.

“This will probably be the darkest part I’ve played. It’s as tragic as it can be.”

School shooting

20 November 2006, Sebastian Bosse shot down several students and employees at his previous school in Emsdetten in Germany. Afterwards he took his own life. Everyone survived, apart from the eighteen year old who performed the attack.

The monologue ‘20 November’ is based on diary entries and information he left behind. The play has already been staged in Germany, Sweden and France. Here at home it’s being directed by Ilene Sørbø. Sebastian is being played by Tarjei.

“It was just luck that no one else died. He shot many and threw smoke bombs at people, and had planned to take his own life.”

“What happened to him?”

“He was bullied a lot, felt that the school didn’t fit him, and that the community didn’t let him be himself. Therefore he swore to take a personal revenge, which he tried to elevate to something greater by making it political, almost religious.”

It’s about what alienation can lead to. And the question is if we all carry a part of the responsibility when something like that happens, like Tarjei sees it.

“In practical terms it’s only the person performing such actions that is responsible. But at the same time he’s a product of the society he lives in. This person had the same needs as me. He wanted to be seen, but no one did. And then it all went wrong. I hope the play will remind people that young people are vulnerable to fall outside [of society]. There we can all be more vigilant.

Great start

The dream about what he wanted to be was there from the beginning. But was an acting career really a realistic future dream? At the beginning of grade 10, Tarjei Sandvik Moe made a deal with himself, ‘only if you get a paid actor job within two years is it meant that you’re to become an actor’. Completely unaware of what was to come. The sign he was waiting for came in the form of a call from the Skam creator Julie Andem and the offer of the part of Isak.

As we know, this TV series really took off, both in Norway and abroad, and became the take off of all time for Tarjei Sandvik Moe’s career. There were Gullruten awards, parts in musicals, films and tv series, and a contract with Oslo Nye that preliminary ends in 2021.

“It feels very long since Skam now. I have done so much afterwards. I thought TV was going to be my road to travel, but I’ve become more and more interested in theatre and storytelling. There are so many other expressions than the down-to-earth realism that I worked with in Skam. I like dance. And performing arts. I don’t want to go long periods without doing theatre. I have probably become a bit weirder,” he admits.

Close to the audience

Even though his CV grows, the same thing can’t be said about his self confidence.

“Before Skam I thought that I would easily become an incredibly good actor. I dared to be arrogant about it in front of my friends. But for every new project, the work gets harder and harder because I set higher and higher standards for myself. As an actor I will probably never stop being nervous or wonder whether I’m good enough.”

20 November will be performed at Teaterkjeller’n. There is only room for 72 audience members in the room. Tarjei will be alone on the stage for an hour. There is no one else to lean on, nothing to hide behind.

“I very much like to act close to the audience. We really get to utilize the theatre space. I can’t think of a more exciting project than 20 November. The character is so complex. The theme is challenging. It’s a really good feeling. I’d rather make true art that means something for a few people than some rubbish that’ll be viewed by millions,” says Tarjei Sandvik Moe.

“But,” he says as a reservation, “not everything I do ends up being good.”

“I don’t know yet if this ends up being good. It depends on if I manage to act it out okay. But I always make an attempt at it. And I like this attempt a lot.”

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Fix Me (doctor/soulmate AU) {5}

Summary: With an active shooter in the hospital, Ethan and Y/N remember their lives and all times they’ve spent together.

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, triggering content

Word count: 5000+

Fix Me (doctor/soulmate AU) series Masterlist

A/N - heavily inspired by Grey’s anatomy, my own experiences and thoughts, but also by songs: Birdy - Not about angels, Bear’s den - Fortress, Matthew and the atlas - Out of the darkness, Harry Styles - Falling, Kodaline - Wherever you are, Isak Danielson - Love me Wrong, Dove Cameron - Remember me, Tom Odell - Can’t pretend, The XX - Angels, Coldplay - Fix you, Coldplay - The scientist.

I really hope you guys like it! Feedback is always wanted and appreciated, no matter how small or big it is!

If you want to be tagged for future parts, reply down below.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  

Ukiyo (japanese noun) - living in the moment

When your world comes to a stop and the value of life is amplified by those dead before their time in gruesome ways, it feels like an earthquake shakes the very foundations your life is built on. But when the walls start falling, past and future no longer exist, only the moment you're in and the first person that comes to mind when those walls are gone is what your life is all about. For Ethan, Y/N was the first person that came to mind and his brother a close second.

There wasn’t anything he could do as the doors around him slid close, the inability to pass through the glass barrier pushing him closer to madness he ever thought possible. He was just a few inches away from the ward they’re both supposed to be on and he’s stuck? It felt like a cruel game of fate.

Not only did he have so much to say and not enough time, but he wanted to do something else as well. He wanted to wrap Y/N in his arms and tell her there isn’t a chance in hell he would ever let her walk away, not after he had a taste of what it means to be with her. He wanted to tell her his love is unconditional and that his soul is hers, even if she didn’t want to give him hers. He would wait, as patiently and as stubbornly as he did by now and that she will never lose him because even if he wished, he can’t scrub his heart clean of her tender soul. And he never wanted to.

Slamming his fists against the Plexiglas, red in the face, Ethan falls to his knees. His hands are shaky, his eyes filled with tears, his body feels warm and the back of his neck is trickling with beads of sweat. He’s terrified, seeing his worst dream manifest into reality and while she may be far from the shooter, he can’t be certain and if something were to happen to her, to his brother too, Ethan would lose his mind.

And he can’t help but remember the time he had the whole world in the palm of his hand, yet he failed to do the right thing.

“You really outdid yourself.” She smiled up at him, her eyes focused on his lips as she tilts her head up to reach his chin with her own, falling short a few inches, leaving a small peck just under his swollen bottom lip.

“If I knew making you food would make you that grateful, I’d have done it sooner.” Ethan chuckles, tightening his arms around her just a little more, hoping she knows he would never want her away from him. She had become his heart, his reason to live. She lit a fire within, something he had lost over time and while she’s completely unaware of it, if her world started to fall apart, Ethan would wage war to make sure she’s untouched by grief.

“Oh, shut up!” Slapping his chest playfully, Y/N had managed to hide a smile as she tucked her head under his chin, hiding her face in his neck shyly as his giggle filled her with joy she never felt before. She didn’t give a damn about her soulmate anymore, not when Ethan felt more like a soulmate to her than anyone else ever could. And maybe that is temporary, but she wanted to experience every little thing and keep it in her memory until her dying breath. Ethan Dolan would inevitably break her heart, but she didn’t care. She’ll take the pain for more nights like this.

“Mind if I ask you something”, she spoke quietly, just above a whisper. Ethan could hardly hear her, yet his heart jumped with the notion of her possibly facing him to his crime against her – his secret about their connection. What if she figured it out?He wasn’t exactly sly when she insisted they stop using condoms because she believes she can’t get pregnant and he managed to come up with a possible STD fear since they were anything but exclusive which is dumb since they basically spend every night together. When would he have time to fuck anyone else? When would she? Would she if she did have time?

Shaking his head to get rid of that painful afterthought, Ethan sighs as he nods as a response to her question, praying her suspicions over his excuses didn’t become more than suspicions. He wanted to be the one to tell her the truth about them being soulmates and he wanted more than anything to tell her he never wants to touch another for as long as he lives, but he needed to know she can love him even without the connection.

“You’ve been alive for a long time now. Much longer than me. I guess I’m just curious about your life.” She managed a small smile as their eyes meet, her index finger trailing up and down his chest as she notices his lips part, surprised by her question.

“Yeah, um…I’ve been around for 119 years now. I remember a happy family – mom and dad were like two lovebirds, just a typical soulmate couple that loved each other deeply. After my dad died from cancer, my mom was getting by. She was badass. After she died, Ethan and I left New York for a long time.” Letting out a heavy breath, Ethan closed his eyes and swallowed thickly. It wasn’t easy to remember his parents. Every day that went by, Ethan missed his family. Maybe that’s why he longed for his soulmate so much, because he wanted to replace the family he had lost?

“If it’s too hard”, Y/N tried to give him an out, propping herself up on her elbow to face him properly, her palm resting on his right cheek as her sweet lips pressed a kiss to his for comfort.

“No. I want you to know.” She laid beside him, instead of his chest. It felt vastly important to see the change in every line of his handsome face as he remembered the past and she didn’t want to miss a single word, expression or look he could bestow upon her. He felt more important to her than anyone and this wasn’t just a story, it was his story. With her leg still thrown across his waist and her hand splayed on his chest, she felt confident about her feelings for Ethan solidifying. There would never be another like him. She was sure of it. Drawing a deep breath, Ethan continued.

“My sister left to look for her soulmate, something she managed to do in just a few years and they’ve been happily living in Australia ever since. Grayson and I decided to start medicine, something neither of us regrets. It allowed us to travel, to learn, to save lives and make the world better, even if it’s just one person at a time. We’ve moved a lot for residencies, met a lot of people and moved back here thirty years ago. I’ve taken art classes for a few years, taught anatomy for a decade and even took a year off and lived on an island.” Reminiscing wasn’t easy, there were far too many things Ethan had allowed to slip his mind – some because they were too heavy to think back to and other just because he never felt the need to dig up his past. And while they spoke of his past the entire time and he recounted every mishap he ever had and every victory just to show off, Ethan had never once mentioned the cause behind the grey hair at the back of his head and no matter how curios she was, Y/N let him off the hook for a while. She couldn’t handle seeing his beautiful smile disappear and she absolutely adored his smile.

Ethan wished he was braver that night. He wished he told her the truth and let it all play out on her terms instead of his. Selfish. That’s how he feels now. He could have loved her openly, had her love him too? But he was too selfish back then and he couldn’t change that now. No matter how bad he wishes he could.

And while Ethan remained helpless, grasping his hair with trembling hands, praying his girl and brother are safe, Y/N was rather close by.

“How do we know where he is?” She whispered, looking around with wide eyes as she tried to assess the situation. Her steady hands grasped Grayson’s shaky ones, forcing eye contact as his lips started to tremble.

“Hey. We’re fine, Gray. We’re completely safe and there is no one with a gun pointed at our heads right now. Breathe.” She tried to calm him down, wishing she could roll her eyes right now because she didn’t understand his fear nor how bad she is at talking people down from a panic attack. Grayson’s hands became a cage for her own, his hold strong and relentless. Her jaw is tight, her resolve clear to Grayson who shakes his head.

“Whatever you’re planning, you can’t. I won’t let you.” Making himself clear, Grayson clears his voice as he examines her body language only to find she had no signs of fear taking over her. In fact, she seems fearless and that’s not always the best thing, especially in these situations.

“Protocol says the boss should make sure everyone is safe and you’re clearly shaken up. Grayson, it will take me half an hour tops. I just need to count everyone and make sure no patients are dying.” The fire in her eyes scared him even more than the possible shooter, realizing she isn’t going to back down and if he let her do this for him and got hurt, Ethan would never forgive him. But Grayson was almost paralyzed and it wasn’t death he feared but missing out on meeting his soulmate. He realized how stupid it is to wait for her to walk into his life without moving a finger. If anything, he should have been looking for her since the moment he knew there was a soulmate for him. He was absolutely terrified of dying without ever knowing what true love feels like.

“I’m not letting you leave here without me. I’m coming with and if I tell you to do something during this, you will listen. IS. THAT. CLEAR?” Grayson’s voice wasn’t shaky anymore and he was in charge once more. Y/N’s lips twitch in amusement, actually enjoying a serious Grayson with a badass attitude.

“Sure. Why not?” She shrugged, gifting him with a smile and even if he didn’t mean to, Grayson smiled too.

“Good. Let’s go.”

Amaranthine (adj.) - undying, immortal, undying, beautiful

And while they tiptoed around the wards – Pediatric, Gynecology, Neonatology, Y/N had recounted a night with Ethan she had bared her soul.

“You never talk about your parents.” Ethan noticed her stiffen, her back against his chest had turned into a brick wall, just as strong as those she built around her heart. He had craved a peek ever since they met and he definitely didn’t expect any of the bricks to fall.

But her body relaxed and she turned in his embrace, her eyes focused on his chest and her hands are curled up under her chin. She never seemed as vulnerable as she does now and Ethan felt honored to have her trust run deep.

“They were bad people. I like to pretend they never existed because they did the same for me. I felt like a flaw in the plan, like I was never meant to be born. That’s how they treated me. I feel like they were relieved when I got sick. Even then, they just paid the bills but ignored my existence. I grew up with an army of nannies and nurses, barely ever seeing them. Sometimes I’d hear them fighting…I don’t think their relationship was healthy but they stayed together anyway because the love they had thanks to the bond was unbreakable.” Biting her lower lip, she looks into his eyes briefly, but long enough to know he won’t judge her. He had all the understanding she sought in his hazel hues, a tenderness she always prayed to find in someone. There was no doubt in her mind she could trust Ethan Dolan.

“They owned a company that profited off people’s misery. They funded armies, and as I’ll later find out, terrorists too. My dad was arrested, took the blame so my mother would be free. He was killed in prison two days before his trial. As for my mom…After the nanny came for me in the hospital and took me home, I found her hanging from the living room ceiling.” Closing her eyes, she felt her body betray her as the memory shook her to the core. It just reminded her of all she wants to forget, but she wanted Ethan to know her and why she’s so fucked up. She never felt what love is, to be loved and cared for. She never knew how to love because all she ever had were these fucked up people who saw nothing but each other and even they didn’t know how to love one another.

“I’m here.” But Ethan didn’t run from her or her truth, no matter how fucked up everything is. Instead, he held her tighter, his hands rubbing her back soothingly until she let herself breathe again.

“Do you think I’m broken?” She whispered, her eyes watering as he frowned, his forehead forming a few worry lines she’d normally tease him about because their age difference is so vast despite them both looking so young, but she reveled in knowing he actually cares enough to worry about her. No one ever cared for her so much before.

“Do you?” He speaks and his voice had never been softer, so heavy yet coated with pure love – something she tried not to pay any mind to.

“I do. I feel like I’ve been shattered my whole life and you’re sort of picking up the pieces. Will you fix me? Please?” He didn’t respond with words, but with his lips, claiming hers so passionately as his fingers wiped her tears clean off. He didn’t see her as a project in need of fixing, but he would heal her if that’s what she needs. He would make her see she is wanted, needed and if anything, she healed him too.

It was great while it lasted, great to be loved, the warmth of his cheek next to her with his soft hand brushing her hair from her face and his cheeky laugh in her ear... it was great to be loved but when their bubble was gone, she shattered and felt isolated and alone, on her own in the world with no one to care for her, no one to laugh with. She hated herself for losing him, all because she didn’t know how to let him love her. She didn’t know how to love him either and it tore her apart.

“Okay, so we have everyone covered but the pediatric ward. I feel like we should split up, get it done faster so we can report to the police.” Y/N talks in hushed voices, trying to remain calm as Grayson nods reluctantly, assuming that the danger for them is gone. Who would go to a ward with kids holding a gun? He just wanted to finish his duty and go back to contact the police, his brother too. He worried about Ethan and while Y/N showed no signs of worrying, he knew she was dreading the possibility of losing Ethan too.

“I’ll go left.” She forced a smile, giving Grayson a small wave as she turned away and let out a long sigh. At first she wanted to tell him that Ethan is fine, to give him a message for him in case something went awry, but she decided against it. Why bother when they would be just fine and leave with their heads attached to their shoulders? Why say something when emotions are running high only to regret the words later on?

Sneaking down the hall, she entered every room with a soft smile upon her lips, checking on the kids quickly and instructing them to stay still. Luckily, most kids had a nurse with them, or even a parent, someone to barricade the room once she left and it left her relieved. Those who were alone, she ushered with ones who had an adult by their side, helping kids unwind as well.

She walked out onto the bridge connecting Pediatrics with otorhinolaryngology, her eyes going over the patient list on her side, but no matter how many times she went through them, she was one kid short.

“Fuck.” She mumbled under her breath, sitting down before taking her phone out and dialing Grayson.

“Gray, I’m missing a kid. A Martha Levi? If you found one extra kid, let me know.” Pocketing her phone, she leaned back against the glass made railing, looking at her shoes with a heaviness in her heart. 

Petrichor (n.) - a love for the scent of rain in nature

She couldn’t help the feeling of regret as it washed over her. She should have told Ethan she loves him too, that she wasn’t perfect but she would find a way to make it work between them for as long as he wants her, but she didn’t. Even if she is absolutely crazy for him.

A small smile formed on her lips as she remembered the night she realized she loves Ethan, the night he had acted on impulse and still managed to create such a beautiful memory she would never forget. He made sure she never forgets him.

“It’s starting to rain.” Y/N groaned, holding out a hand as a few drops wet her palm, making her shake her hand and frown.

“Don’t like the rain?” Ethan chuckles, cocking his head to the side as he walks forward, even if the rain started to pour in seconds.

“You’re gonna get a pneumonia!” She shouted over thunder, watching him push his wet hair back before outstretching his hand for her to take.

“Not gonna happen, Dolan!” She meant it. Rain was anything but a favorite to her. But Ethan seemed relentless.

“Come on, sweetheart! I promise it’s just a little bit of rain!” Ethan insisted, a grin taking over his face as she started to gnaw on her lips, a clear sign she’s contemplating his offer, something she wouldn’t have done if she didn’t plan on joining him.

And she hates rain with burning passion, but Ethan seems to love it, every single drop. He enjoyed the rain, the thunder, the smell that lingers after, everything about it. And she loves him. Enough to step into the horrid wetness rain brings, just as long as she gets to kiss him after.

“I really hate you sometimes.” She rolls her eyes at him before taking his hand, allowing him to draw her near and as he does, he rests her hand over his shoulder, taking her waist with his other. Pulling her close, Ethan smirks while she gawks at him, noticing him move in a slow rhythm to a song playing in his head.

“What are you doing?” She narrowed her eyes and furrowed her eyebrows, all while a smile formed on her lips – all in disbelief as her own hips started to sway with the silent song in the storm, a song in their hearts.

“Dancing with a gorgeous woman.” Ethan snickers, leaning his forehead on hers lightly, their noses brushing together and her eyes close for a moment, collecting herself, reminding herself this is real.

Unable to take it, she leans into him, her head resting on his chest as her arms close around him, feeling his hands rest on the small of her back, virtually no space remaining between them. And that’s when she heard it – “Wise men say only fools rush in” – at first it was so quiet she thought she was imagining it, that maybe the thunder had made her imagine the sound, but his lips were right by her ear and he mostly whispered it, - “But I can't help falling in love with you “ - ,but the words made her heart race fast enough that she felt faint.

Her lips part, her mind screaming with every syllable, yet she never felt more at peace. - “Oh, shall I stay, would it be a sin. Oh, if I can't help falling in love with you?” – How can one man make her feel so many things at once? She didn’t know what is stronger – her need to run and save her heart from heartbreak, or her need to stay in his arms forever. – “Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be.” –

Taking a deep breath, she stopped dancing, not even caring about the rain ruining her make up when he stopped too, his lips still moving as his voice got slightly higher, but looking into his eyes as he sang? – “Take my hand, take my whole life too. Oh, for I can't help falling in love with you “ - Even if it was a half whisper, Y/N never felt happier.

Ever since, rain had become a friend, more than a foe and Ethan? He had taken a permanent residence in her heart.

She could still hear him singing in the back of her mind, her eyes closed as she tried to relax, to let his voice ease her nerves for she couldn’t lie – Y/N felt like she’s standing on edge of a very high cliff and she didn’t know if she had the strength to come back down and face everything that pushed her there in the first place. She tells herself she’s fine with how her parents hated her, but she’s not. She tells herself she’s fine with her battles with cancer, but she’s not. She tells herself she’s fine with Ethan being hers but having a soulmate out in the world, but she’s not.

There isn’t anything she’s fine with in this case and she can’t help but wish Ethan was there with her. He would know what to say to calm her raging storm and to stop the war inside her. He’d remind her she’s a fighter, something she has no strength to remind herself of.

“Y/N?!” But then she heard it – heard him. For a moment she was sure it’s a hallucination, but when she turned her head, she saw him standing on the other side of the glass, mere inches away from her with a relieved look on his face.

“Sweetheart, are you alright?” Looking around, Ethan wanted nothing more than to open the door and hold her, but with the key-cards being useless at this point, he was just happy to put his hand on the glass and have her do the same.

She couldn’t hide her happiness, her hand quickly laying against the glass, longing for his touch.

“Yeah. How”, she pauses to take a breath, her throat closing up as her emotions flood her senses and she’s on the brink of crying. “How are you here?”

“I was on my way to see you. I had to talk to you.” Ethan spoke when her phone went off and she saw it was Grayson. Holding up her index finger, she picked up the call, eager to tell him she and his brother are both fine.

“Hey.”

“Martha isn’t here either.” Grayson’s panicked voice is enough to make her mutter ‘fuck’ under her breath, letting out a heavy sigh.

“I’ll do a second sweep. Stay put. And Ethan’s fine. I’m sort of with him right now.” She let out a weak chuckle, ending the call before rubbing her forehead.

“A kid is missing, I’ll have to go back and check the rooms again.” She explains and Ethan nods, wetting his lips.

“Did you check the janitor closets and on call rooms?” Ethan suggests and Y/N facepalms.

“No…I bet Grayson didn’t either. She might be scared and hiding.” With her hands on her hips, she half smiled at him. “Your brain is beautiful. Thank you.” But Ethan was no longer looking at her, rather over her shoulder with his eyes wide and mouth open and while she didn’t have to look back, she knew it just by the expressions on his face.

Turning halfway toward the door connected to the pediatrics, Y/N felt her heart speed up. She didn’t frighten easily, in fact, people would say she’s not one to flinch, but the sight of a grown man holding a gun to a scared little girl’s head? It was enough to scare her.

There are times in your life when everything comes down to one moment - one defining moment where you're either the hero or a coward. And in that moment, Y/N could see her life pass before her eyes. She saw her father imprisoned, her mother hanging in the hall, the nurse that always hid an extra cup of her favorite jelly, chemotherapy, trying to stand after surgery, fainting in med school when her cancer returned, meeting Ethan, Ethan's smirk, Ethan's warm arms, the way his fingers coil around her neck as his hips meet hers, Ethan in the OR, Ethan kissing her in the rain, his haunting voice as he sings in her ear, Ethan pushing her against the wall as his lips press against her throat, when Ethan said he loves her...when she summarized her life, the past few months she's known Ethan had overshadowed every bad things, every tear and every pain and all she could see is HIM. And her choice was no longer a choice, but a certainty - something she saw worthy of whatever is to come.

"Take me!" She shouts, her hand above her head and her palms turned to the shooter, her insides shaking but her face remained impassive and at peace with her decision.

"Take me, leave the girl alone." She insisted, her voice not wavering, not even a little. She glanced back at Ethan who remained stuck behind the glass door just outside of the pediatric ward and her lips pressed together to keep in the shattering scream of emotions just bubbling to come out.

Ethan pounded on the door but Plexiglas doesn't break easily and no matter how hard he screamed and his face turned red, Y/N was out of reach and he couldn't do a damn thing.

"Fine then." The shooter kicked the little girl, the little one running straight to Y/N who gave her a quick hug and whispered directions to take after she was gone with the man.

"Go straight down the hall to the gynecology ward, you'll find a handsome doctor to keep you safe there."

She knew once the little one arrived, Grayson would know she wandered and would lose his mind, but she couldn't just let a little girl be used for whatever this man intended.

Glancing at Ethan one last time, Y/N mouthed 'I love you' and the next thing she knew, the shooter had grabbed her arm and pulled her before him, the cool barrel of the gun pressed against her temple and he whispered in her ear menacingly.

"Don't do anything stupid."

Trembling wildly with adrenaline overflowing her system, Y/N couldn’t force herself to even try and see Ethan, quite possibly for the last time. She could hear him begging, screaming, offering himself, but she was forced back onto pediatrics and just as they stepped into the main hallway, blood splattered her face.

Gasping, her ears ringing, Y/N falls to the ground, the world around her slowing down as the man falls with her. She’s quick to stand back up, using the adrenaline rush to keep herself going, seeing red dots dancing along her pink scrubs as she raises her hands up in the air, her breath caught in her throat.

All the doors opened at once, the SWAT team swooping in, but the man’s brain is painting the floor, he wasn’t dangerous anymore.

Struggling for a few short breaths, Y/N felt her heart beating out of her chest. No matter how hard she tried, everything seemed out of control and while people are talking around her, she can’t hear a damn thing.

But then she sees him stumble in the ward, his face blotchy, hair a complete mess and she didn’t even realized she was moving. Without even thinking, she jumped up and threw her arms around him, making some weird sound that combined laughing, choking, and crying. Ethan was holding her so tightly that she couldn’t see his face, and she can’t tell when he let her go as her vision faded and her body went limp in his arms. Unable to handle the shock of the day, her consciousness slipped away from her and she found herself enveloped in darkness, but she never felt safer in her entire life.

It wasn’t until later that she regained consciousness. Finding herself in Ethan’s bed, wearing his over-sized t-shirt, she smiled slightly. It’s exactly where she wants to be. Looking toward the door left ajar, she hears him.

“What are you doing? She’s a perfect picture with a broken frame. You can’t just glue it back together and think it’s enough. You need to be honest. That might make it new.” Grayson whispers and she couldn’t help but wonder what they’re talking about. Her? Is she the one with a broken frame? She never realized Grayson thought so low of her. It stung to know it now.

“Plus, you see the world in black and white. She doesn’t. You need someone like her in your life, brother. Just tell her everything. She’ll understand.” Now her curiosity is peaked. She can’t help but wonder what the truth is and if it has anything to do with the mysterious soulmate Ethan seems to hide from her.

“It’s not that easy, Grayson. I can’t just come out and say it.” Ethan exclaimed, lowering his voice when he spoke the words Y/N never dreamed would be true. It stopped her heart when he admitted the truth, unaware she had never been more awake in her entire life.

“I can’t just tell her – Hey, we’re soulmates and I’ve known all this time – Y/N would kill me.”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Tags: @beinscorpio​ @peacedolantwins​ @heyits-claire​ @dolandolll​ @godlydolans​ @dolanstwintuesday​ @ethanhes​ @iwastornsincethestart @graydolan12​  @zeusgrayson​ @libradolan​ @justordinaryjen​ @pineappledolan​ @graysavant​ @voguekristens @imayoutubere @livexdolan​  @shadowsndaisies​ @maybgrayson​​ @dolans4lyfe​​ @mendesficsxbombay​​ @fxkthatdairy 

Anyone crossed out wasn’t able to be tagged, probably an issue on Tumblr’s side, sorry.

[freelancearsonist]

Everyone is sending you heartbreak songs :( How about Poe with “Always” by Isak Danielson?

(UPDATED) 400 Follower Celebration

This is such a cute song! I got Modern!Poe vibes so that’s what happened lol. It’s a little short but sweet and I hope you like it :)

Poe promised himself he wouldn’t get too starry-eyed at you, but it’s not necessarily his fault that he’s breaking his self-vow. You just look so fucking gorgeous. He’s waited years to get this opportunity, and now he can’t help being a little overjoyed. He’s been pining after you, hard, ever since you first waltzed into his life. When he asked, it took him a good five minutes to process the fact that you had finally agreed to go out with him.

It just hadn’t been a good time to get into a relationship when you first met Poe, although you seriously wanted to return his incessant flirting. You were both in the Air Force, in the middle of a conflict zone, and your jobs were important. Now that you’re both home—for good—it’s the perfect time to finally see if the whole relationship thing could actually work out for the two of you. 

And it really feels like it’s going to work out. Maybe you’re only an hour into your first date, but you can see yourself easily doing this with him for a long time to come.

Poe’s propped up on one elbow, watching you as you stare up at the stars, and he’s almost jealous. He thinks that he’d do just about anything to make you look at him like you look at the night sky.

“Do I have food on my face or something?” You laugh softly as you roll onto your side so you’re facing him.

He laughs softly, a little bit embarrassed that you caught him staring. “No, I was just thinking. You’re really beautiful.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you laugh, tossing your hair over your shoulder. “What were you thinking about?”

Poe bites his bottom lip as he contemplates his words. “Tell me if this comes off too strong, but… I could see myself spending the rest of my life with you. It’s just… you’re so easy to be around, and you were so easy to fall for.”  He glances down, nervously shifting while he waits for your reply.

You can’t help smiling slightly as you let your hand rest on top of his. “Are you proposing to me on our first date?”

“What? No! No, of course not!” His mouth falls open slightly as his tan cheeks flush, and you can’t help wanting to kiss him.

“I’m kidding!” You quickly laugh, intertwining your fingers with his. You scoot a little closer to him, careful not to move the blanket that the two of you are laying on while stargazing. “I know exactly what you mean, though. I was scared that when we went out, it wouldn’t work out. But… honestly, I can see myself being with you for the rest of my life, too.”

Poe’s amazed that you weren’t scared away by his slightly intense confession, but he’s not the littlest bit disappointed. “Can I kiss you?” His voice is soft as he asks, his fingers parting from yours to push a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

You nod a bit more eagerly than you mean to. “Yes. Please.”

His lips are so fucking soft, and he cups your face with one hand while he leans up with the other. He lets out a surprised chuckle when you pull him on top of you, but he’s glad for the new position because it allows him to kiss you deeper and show you exactly what he feels for you.

“Damn, you… you’re good at that,” you laugh breathlessly when he pulls back and rests his forehead against yours.

He gives you a cheeky smirk as he traces his thumb across your cheekbone. “Do you want to do it again?”

“Definitely.”

Song Fic Masterlist

[surrealsunday]

Yes, the insecurities absolutely make sense and I am so grateful for that conversation. Skamfr is really good at giving Elu their own voice (and also them say dumb things) I want to say they're setting up for a bigger arc in s6? While I have my problems with s4/5, they Always pull through for Elu? They kept consistent character development through s3-5 (we won't talk about Lulu's terrible advices), so I'm hopeful they set this up for a conversation with Eliott instead of Arthur in the future?

(2) Lucas got mad game with Eliott, I'm shocked Eliott didn't choke on his beer after that eyebrow raise. I'm terrible at flirting and I know that's a *Look* if Eliott hadn't messed up by still having a girlfriend, they could've jumped ahead to week 7 right there?? Okay maybe Lulu's insecurities took over and his flirt fell apart, but his pretty face more than made up for it since Eliott was so thirsty he asked Lucas out in front of his girlfriend, Lucas could have my level of game and still be okay

I so hope you’re right about at least Elu in s6. I have negative a thousand expectations after s4 and s5 so I’m just hoping to be pleasantly surprised. I’d really, really love to see some one-on-one poignant content between them... I guess it depends how s6 happens. If it’s solely Lola’s pov, and they don’t break that, then that will definitely be trickier.

But yeah... I love that Lucas has game. I loved that OG Isak was so incredibly, adorably awkward around Even, and I loved that Lucas sort of jolted me with the way he was different. I agree though... the way Lucas was looking at Eliott on that couch when they were smoking? Wheewwwwwwwww *sweats*. And they were all loose and relaxed and so very into one another. I’ll never get over those scenes. The way they spanned hours and hours. And just how brilliantly it established their dynamic, the way they got along, the way they were learning about one another, the ways they both showed their vulnerability (the PIANO!!!), how much they enjoyed spending time together... and of course, that INSANE chemistry. It was just... the best. Truly, I was pretty into them from the start but I remember thinking after those scenes, ‘oh, ok, so these two are going to destroy me.... cool, cool, cool.’

[kartoffelblume]

It calls me on and on across the universe

last clip ~ Masterpost

ZONDAG 14:53

"Hey!" Robbe opens the door, letting Jens in the hallway.

"Hey"

They exchange a brofist hug mixture before Jens sits down to get off his shoes.

It's been a while since the last time they hung out together, just the two of them, and Robbe really looks forward to this.

It was kinda hard to leave Sander yesterday but he had to get back to his mom and meeting Jens today made it a little easier to not be around the green eyed guy that took Robbes heart way too easily.

Jens quickly pops his head into the living room to greet Robbes mum, exchanging some small talk but Robbe pulls him away as soon as his mom starts talking about how great it is that they spend more time together and how glad she is Jens is such a good friend to Robbe.

Once the door of Robbes room closes behind them Jens lets himself plop down on Robbes bed.

"I finally talked to Jana"

Oh, Robbe almost forgot he is not the only one struggling at the moment. He goes over to lie down next to his best friend, glad that Jens still talks about this stuff with him.

"And?"

"It seems to be similar for her. First she was sad, thought I just didn't like her for her anymore but once I explained she got it..."

Jens pauses, looking at the ceiling.

"We actually talked a lot afterwards, I think we'll stay friends."

Robbe can't help but grin.

"That's great! So we could hang out all three of us again, just like in old times." Just without the jealousy, he almost adds.

"Yeah man, I miss that."

They lie in a comfortable silence for a few seconds, both hanging after their own thoughts until Robbe gets up.

"So what about gaming today?"

"Oh definitely! I brought that new game, you're totally -"

Jens puts his hand on Robbes shoulder and stops talking mid sentence - looking wide eyed somewhere in the middle of the Room.

" - Who is this?"

At first Robbe doesn't know what Jens is talking about - the tall boy looks like he's in a major state of shock but then Robbe sees what Jens is staring at.

It's Robbes mirror, still standing in the middle of the room, currently showing the face of the blue eyed guy with the brown curls. Lucas, if his moms description is right.

"What do you mean?" He tries getting out of that situation but it's too late.

"I know you can see him Robbe" Jens gets up from the bed and takes a step closer to the mirror.

In that second something seems to change because Jens looks even more confused and then reaches back to touch Robbes arm again.

Looks like he is only able to see the guy as long as he's touching Robbe.

But if that's possible, why has it never happened before?

"Okay" Robbe just mumbles, not knowing how to explain this entire thing to his best friend.

He always wished he could tell Jens without being declared crazy but now that he has no other option he has no idea how to start.

"He's beautiful." Jens mumbles, still standing in the same position.

That's... unexpected, to say the least.

"I thought you were only into girls?"

"Well apparently not"

Jens is still staring at the reflection of the guy who seems to be washing his hands, unaware of the two guys watching him in another universe.

"What the fock is happening Robbe?"

Finally he is turning back, sitting back down next to Robbe.

Robbe takes a deep breath in before trying to explain.

"I'm not entirely sure, but my theory is that he is a version of me in another universe."

"That he is what?"

That was probably not the best way to start, Jens looks even more freaked out than before.

"Okay, just... Listen"

Robbe takes Jens small nod as confirmation and carries on trying to explain his weird power.

"So basically since I can remember I sometimes see other faces in the mirror. Always one of the same 7 people."

He waits until Jens nods before carrying on, trying not to overwhelm him.

"When I was really young I just walked through the mirror once to visit one of the guys I've seen and we played with each other for a view hours. But as my mother also has a similar power and I couldn't rule out that her schizophrenia was caused by it so I never tried going through the mirror again for a long time."

Jens takes a few seconds to process that flood of information.

"Wow"

His next thought is again unexpected for Robbe.

"So you never visited him?" He points behind him towards the mirror that just changed back to reflecting Robbes room as usual.

"No. Also I think it would probably freak him out If I just walked through the mirror."

That seems to satisfy Jens, at least momentarily so Robbe carries on.

"The seven people I see all had similarities so my theory is that they are all me in different parallel universes. Not the same person but similar. That would fit with what my mom is telling me about her power."

Again Jens nods, glancing over to the mirror but seeing only Robbes room.

"That's really fucked up"

Robbe chuckles.

"It is"

It actually feels really good to talk about this to someone else than his mom. He carried this around way too long.

"So why did you never tell me?"

"If you hadn't seen Lucas would you believe me right now?" Robbe asks back.

"True" Jens laughs shortly "So his name is Lucas?"

Robbe just has to roll his eyes - this is almost worse than back when Jens had a crush on Jana.

"I think so."

Robbe is just about to explain more when Jens interrupts him.

"Wait, was that why you never look at yourself in the mirror and why you were staring at the mirror in my hallway a few weeks back"

Robbe just nods.

"Actually yes, that day the mirror only showed a empty room for the first time, that was really confusing."

"What? Why that?"

"I don't really know why, but I went in after seeing that room almost every day for a week. And well, that's where I met Sander."

Robbe can see the realization in Jens eyes.

"So that's what you meant when you talked about that distance thing"

"Jep. Made it even worse because I couldn't really explain to him why it wouldn't work."

"Shit dude" Jens gets a little closer to him to put an arm around his shoulders.

"How are you doing?"

Right, he hasn't told him yet.

"Great actually, had a long talk with my mom and finally figured out that her schizophrenia has nothing to do with her power. So I came back to Sander. It's still shitty that I can't tell him all of this, he thinks I'm at the art school on some sort of program, but at least I somehow can be with him."

"Damn" Jens shakes his head. "And what if you just told him?"

"To make him think I'm crazy? No thanks"

"It worked out with me, why shouldn't it with him."

Jens makes everything sound so easy again. It would be amazing if he could just tell Sander and everything would be good again. But it also might fire back. And Robbe definitely isn't ready to risk their relationship again so he shakes his head.

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

Jens is quiet again for moment before he asks.

"And who is Sander then in your theory?"

Robbe thinks he might have an idea.

"All of the mes I see - I call them the Isaks because of the guy I actually met - they all meet someone. My mum means they all meet an artist they fall in love with. And well, the description would fit perfectly. Maybe we were just born into the wrong universes."

"Wait, does that mean Lucas also has a boyfriend?" Jens asks, and again Robbe barely manages not to roll his eyes.

"No - he's one of the few who are still alone."

"But the chances that he likes guys are high, right?"

"Very high"

When Jens starts to grin Robbe quickly has to intervene.

"But you know that you meeting him is not possible because you live in different universes, right?"

That was probably a bit harsher than planned and Jens pulls a grimace.

"Alright alright, I'll shut up."

"Since when do you like guys anyway?" Robbe still can't get that sudden change out of his head. Especially since he had a major crush on Jens not that long ago.

"To be honest it doesn't really surprise me, I never fell for a guy before but I also never thought that was impossible. This just confirms it."

But instead of shutting up Jens already has the next ten questions on the tip of his tongue. So Robbe spends the rest of the afternoon explaining everything to his best friend. But instead of it being exhausting Robbe enjoys finally being able to talk about it to his best friend.

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