#is this an entire season late? yes. am i positing it anyway? yes.

[vampireshmampire]

I Accept

“So you think I should marry someone I already know.” “I mean, ideally.” “You think I should marry you!” --- Nandor's plan works--confirm Guillermo's love for him by making Guillermo jealous, then marry Guillermo. Guillermo has lost control of the situation and isn't really sure how to get his life back on course. And also isn't really sure if he wants to.

AO3

“Wait—Wait, you’ve decided to get married but you don’t know who you’re marrying?”

“I will find someone,” Nandor said, equal parts confident and dismissive.

“Are you sure that’s—”

Nandor whirled around, his expression so triumphant it made his eyes gleam.

“I knew it!” he exclaimed, jabbing a finger at Guillermo, who startled back a step.

“What--?”

“I knew you would be jealous!”

“I’m not jealous,” Guillermo sputtered. “I’m just saying—”

“You think I shouldn’t get married at all, hmm?”

“What? No! If you love someone enough to want to marry them, great, good, I’m totally behind it. But if you don’t even know who you’re marrying, that’s getting married just to be married—”

“Ohhh,” Nandor said, hands on hips. “So you think I should marry someone I already know.”

“I mean, ideally.”

“You think I should marry you!”

“--!” said Guillermo, a sort of strangled, choked off inhale of confusion. His mouth opened but all that came out were little croaking noises, not even the starts of words.

“Very well, I accept.”

“Whuh,” Guillermo exhaled. Nandor was beyond smug.  

“Ha, you thought you could hide your feelings from me! You are like a glass statue, Guillermo, totally see through.” He turned on his heel and marched out of the room. “Laszlo! Nadja!”

Guillermo, who had been frozen in place, now shot into motion, racing after Nandor who was striding with such purpose he almost seemed to be running.

“Library!” Nadja hollered.

“Wait—wait—wait—” Guillermo gulped, fingers missing Nandor’s cape by inches. “Nandor—”

Nandor threw open the door and marched in. Laszlo tipped his head back to look at Nandor upside down over the back of the couch. Nadja didn’t even slow her rise and fall on Laszlo’s lap, but spared a hand for a brief wave before returning to clutching at Laszlo’s shoulders for balance.

“Hello old chap,” said Laszlo, cheerfully.

“I have an announcement,” Nandor said. “Guillermo and I are getting married.”

Nadja froze. Laszlo froze. Guillermo, almost tripping on the belt of his bathrobe as he stumbled in behind Nandor, froze.

Very slowly, the two vampires’ eyes tracked over to fix on Guillermo, who kept very still, eyes very wide. Husband and wife spoke in unison.

“What.”

“Guillermo proposed, I have accepted.”

“I didn’t!” Guillermo burst out. “I didn’t, you just—”

Nandor waved a dismissive hand. “Yes, yes, I did not wait for you to work your way around to it, but that was what you meant—”

“It wasn’t! I didn’t!” Guillermo said, practically a wail.

“You know how he gets,” Nandor said to Nadja and Laszlo.

“I wasn’t going to—”

“You mean you don’t love me?” Nandor asked. It was not a genuine question, but an accusation. Guillermo went vampire pale.

“This isn’t funny.”

“Oh it’s a joke!” Nadja said, and she and Laszlo exploded into relieved laughter. Guillermo went crimson with misery and humiliation.

But Nandor threw a protective arm around Guillermo’s shoulders, drawing him close against his side and glaring at his roommates.

“It is not a joke!” he snapped, with such force that Nadja and Laszlo stopped laughing immediately. 

“Guillermo and I are in love and we are getting married!” He looked down at Guillermo and caught up his hand, squeezing gently. “You know I would never joke about such an important thing.”

Guillermo looked utterly, completely lost, having passed beyond confusion, bewilderment, even incomprehension, and was now letting the situation carry him like driftwood in an ocean storm. Nandor shot one last disapproving look at Nadja and Laszlo, who appeared as lost as Guillermo, and then steered Guillermo gently back out of the library. He kept his arm around Guillermo’s shoulders.

“Come, Guillermo, there is something I wish to give you. Several things, actually! Think of it as an early wedding present…”

-

Guillermo stared at nothing, not even at the camera. He was dressed now, and still a little pale.

“I’m,” he said, and stopped. “I’m not…really sure what happened?”

He went quiet again, eyes flicking around as he struggled to put words to the situation. 

“One minute I was trying to stop Nandor from making a terrible life choice and then suddenly…”

He looked up at the camera, utterly lost. He tried to speak a few times but in the end could only shrug helplessly.

 “There’s someone I really, really need to talk to, but I can’t, because I can’t get more than five seconds away from Nandor before he—”

“Guillermo~” Nandor appeared in the doorway, grinning. “There you are! Silly rascal, doing the talking heads without me.” He plopped down on the couch next to Guillermo, beaming at the human, who managed a sickly smile. “We are so excited to be getting married.”

Guillermo’s expression turned hunted as Nandor laced their fingers together, apparently ignorant of his fiancé’s torment.

“I admit, I was being a bit sneaky,” Nandor said. “But it can be so hard to get Guillermo to admit to his own feelings.”

“I talk about my feelings!” Guillermo protested. Nandor gave him a fond smile, slightly condescending.

“Only certain feelings, my dearest heart,” Nandor said, and Guillermo had to look away. “Never how you felt about me.” To the camera, Nandor said, “It wasn’t hard to come up with a plan. I knew it would work.” He leaned in and said, with a big beaming grin. “He gets so jealous.”

“I don’t! I wasn’t!” Guillermo protested, weakly. “I’m not!”

“Of course, not anymore,” Nandor said. He brushed the back of his hand against Guillermo’s cheek. “Now you know I am yours.” He said it not as a flirtation, not as a sweet nothing, but as a fact. Something they both knew to be true.

Guillermo swallowed hard, and stared at the floor.

-

It was daylight. Guillermo was standing on the front lawn, in the sunlight, staring at his phone in his hands.

“I had to come out here to do it,” the voiceover said. “It’s the only place I can go where Nandor literally cannot follow me.”

The curtains in the window twitched, as if someone was trying to see out without letting any light in.

Guillermo held the phone to his ear and rocked on his toes, gnawing on his lip.

“Hey! Hey, hi. Yeah, I’m sorry I haven’t called in a while, it’s been—yeah, things got really crazy over here. Like. Really crazy. Insane. Absolutely insane.”

Guillermo listened for a while, staring at nothing.

“Yeah. Yeah. Uhuh. Listen, I called for a specific reason, actually. There’s something…I wish I could have this conversation face-to-face, but…” He braced himself and shut his eyes. “I think–I mean…I want us to see other people.”

Whatever was said on the other end of the line made him wince. He opened his eyes and gave the camera a pleading look before turning his back on it. The camera turned away, Guillermo’s voice fading into a mumble, and focused on the house—and the still-shifting curtains—before going dark.

“Who were you talking to?” Nandor asked, poking his head out of the safety of the library as Guillermo came inside. Guillermo slid off his coat, expression drawn but slightly relieved–that of someone who has done a very onerous task and found it not quite as bad as it could have been. 

“Nobody. Just…a contractor, someone who could maybe help with the house. You should be asleep.”

“You were all upset. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine. Go back to your coffin.”

“You will need to tuck me in again,” Nandor said, waggling his eyebrows. Guillermo visibly bit back a sigh.

“Guillermo has been quite overwhelmed by the force of his love for me,” Nandor’s voiceover said as he climbed up into his coffin, his fingers tangled with Guillermo’s. “It is not surprising—we have loved each other for so long, but I think he never expected anything to happen between us.”

Nandor pressed Guillermo’s palm to his chest, over where his heart would be beating if he was still alive, and smiled adoringly up at him. Guillermo had to put in some effort to work his hand free.

He shut the coffin lid and gave the camera a weary look.

“Goodnight, joy of my heart!” Nandor called, slightly muffled.

“Goodnight.”

“So even though it is obvious how much he loves me, he is having a difficult time showing it.”

Guillermo walked straight to his room and sat down on the bed, burying his face in his hands. 

“We are so very happy together.”

[woklaza]

Fyodor Analysis (Flowers)

Analysing THIS scene.

This scene from the season 4 intro featuring Fyodor is, blankly, flowers. But after obsessing over flower symbolism lately ( as an amateur, spare me), I figured that it would be fun to look into the meaning of flowers. This very unoriginal idea was probably done before but whatever.

Blue roses:

Blue roses symbolise secrecy and mystery, which, undoubtedly, suits Fyodor. So, moving on (help I suck at analyses it's a miracle I got an attainment badge for English).

Lily of the Valley:

Lily of the Valley symbolises purity, joy, love, sincerity, happiness and luck (Yes, I copied it from Google) But one interesting thing is that it even has connections with the Bible.

Song of Solomon 2  I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.

Jesus was also described as 'Lily of the Valley' for that He alone is sinless, holy, and separate from sinners. This, well... this seems to expand on Fyodor's motive of wanting the Book to eliminate and purify humanity's "sins".

Red roses:

On the surface, red roses symbolise love and romance which, Fyodor does not seem to express. But after some more research, I found that the deeper the colour of the red rose, the more ready you are for commitment. But this is just on the side of romance (Fic writers, take the notes). There are other meanings to red roses such as desire, longing, respect, admiration, courage, sacrifice, beauty and perfection.

Tithonia Rotundifolia:

Before I go into the meaning, I just want to say this one was very hard to do. There was a bit of a mind debate on whether these are Tithonia Rotundifolia or orange daisies. But in terms of the shape, I figured it would be the Tithonia Rotundifolia.

Tithonia rotundifolia is a hardy and drought-tolerant plant, often thriving in challenging conditions. As such, it can symbolize endurance, resilience, and the ability to thrive despite adversity. Also, giving or receiving Tithonia rotundifolia can be a gesture of admiration and appreciation, acknowledging the recipient's positive qualities or expressing gratitude. While I personally do not think Fyodor is a person who shows admiration and appreciation, he certainly was admired and appreciated by lots, such as Sigma, Nikolai, Ivan et cetra.

Magenta Roses:

Magenta roses symbolize deep, passionate love, echoing the fervent emotions often associated with red roses. They convey a profound sense of affection and desire. But considering Fyodor's personality, we'll move on. Magenta roses also represent gratitude, appreciation, and admiration. That links perfectly to my previous analysis of the Tithonia rotundifolia.

With a bit more research I found that the rich and vibrant colour of magenta roses evokes feelings of enchantment and mystery. They can also signify the magic and allure of love, adding a touch of mystique to romantic gestures. But again, considering Fyodor, let's not stick to the romance side of things.

Olive branches:

This one is more of an optional analysis since I'm not sure if they really are olive branches in the first place. Anyway, we are pretty familiar with the international peace symbol (the well-known one, anyway) being a dove carrying an olive branch with its beak. This symbolises peace and harmony, which at least, in my opinion, is what Fyodor is aiming for to create a "sinless" world without abilities.

Narcissus:

The Greek myth of Narcissus falling in love with his reflection and turning into a flower symbolises self-love and egotism. While this may not entirely suit Fyodor, I do believe he has self-confidence in himself, perhaps even too much that he didn't consider trusting his allies. In fact, that was how he reached his downfall. The Narcissuses in the scene, at the end, bloomed over the other flowers and caused them to grey and wilt. In my opinion, this may symbolise two things:

This shows some of the good qualities that were symbolised in the flowers that didn't suit Fyodor were ruined by his self-confidence and lack of trust. For example, Fyodor didn't have the love symbolised in the roses because his goal buried those emotions down.

This shows how all of his good qualities were soon consumed by his lack of trust and confidence in himself. In fact, the Narcissuses taking over were like how his confidence and arrogance in not needing another plan just in case (we're talking about breaking out from Meursault here) taking over him and resulting in his ultimate (hopefully temporary) downfall and death.

Anyway, these are just my silly rambles. Use this as a reference or whatever, don't take it too seriously I really don't know much about flowers lol. I'm trying to make more analyses cos they're so fun to read (/>^<\) Have fun with the new pieces of information, I spent 1 hour on this and opened 23 computer tabs (Yes, I am not very efficient)! Uhh... bub-bye?

[wolfiemcwolferson]

if ur still doing spotify wrapped fics, 5 pls!!

This is more Del Water Gap - Alone Together. You didn't pick a pairing, but this is screaming Maxiel at me. This is angsty and a little bittersweet. Previous F1 Journalist Daniel and Driver Max. (This got out of hand.)

Sometimes Daniel is in an airport and he catches a flash of a Grand Prix on a TV in a bar or he'll be out with some friends and he'll run into someone he knew from college and they'll ask hey, I thought you were doing that racing thing and Daniel will shake a little bit.

Sitting on a barstool in LA, waiting to meet-up with one of the kid's on the American USA team, he feels it now, the ache where F1 used to sit - the ache where Max used to sit.

But he gave it all up when Max gave him up and -

The kid shows, fresh-faced and eager and shakes Danny's hand. The article will be good, of course. Daniel charms and weasles and prods at all the right places and that's why he gets paid the money he does - in America, for sports he doesn't actually care about.

It makes him sound so dramatic, he circles back around to thinking of Max that night in his hotel - like he always fucking does when he's alone.

Max working up the courage to ask Daniel out to dinner throughout the entire season - Daniel accepting out of pity - Daniel falling hard and fast and furious and then basing his life around him - the man that was going to bring glory back to Red Bull.

It didn't matter how many times Daniel laughed it off and said don't die while Max was sneaking out of his hotel room and it didn't matter how many times Max and Daniel said it wouldn't happen -

Max went off and needed to play house with some nice girl and Daniel spent three GP's in a row hiding from him and he knew he had to go.

Because Max was the missing piece of him or whatever romantic bullshit he used to think about the two of them - the mirror of his soul, the person who saw the worst in him and loved him anyways.

Because it was the worst in the end. Daniel begging Max not to go and Max telling him he had to just for them to switch positions the next morning. Daniel shouting at him to just fucking go while Max cried on his chest and Max and Daniel shouting the awful bits of hateful shit at each other they had gathered up over a three year relationship -

Daniel puts on his running shoes and goes down to the gym so he can forget forget forget.

After LA, Daniel goes to New York before spending a week in Nashville and then he catches a game in Denver before flying home - to Australia.

Grace asks him four times if he's seeing anyone and then Michelle asks much softer if he's talked to anyone from the paddock lately.

Daniel books an earlier flight to his...well, he guesses it's his home.

There's a cabin in fucking Montana. Everyone had thought it was a joke until he did it - bought the damn thing.

Daniel has a joke about how he had traveled for years in flashy circles, but the truth is that he's an idiot pressing gauze to an oozing wound.

It had been a thing with Max. My contract will end when I'm only 28. I could...we could escape to America. Live in the middle of nowhere Montana, yes? All this money has to be good for something.

No one knows, of course. Someone would have intervened, probably. Scotty. Scotty would have intervened.

He's here until Christmas. Alone and working on the book he's supposed to be writing and - he's here until Christmas and then he'll fly to Hawaii and get ready to interview some flashy American Football College Kid.

He tortures himself and watches the last race of the season - wakes up at 6 AM to flip it on and text steady, ribbing commentary to Sam about his own commentary and Max wins, of course.

Daniel turns off the television before the podium.

He's in town buying a couple of propane tanks and more rock salt and some food. He does have to do that occasionally when Janet asks him you know who bought Gerald's old place? Daniel frowns and shakes his head. Thought it might be one of your fancy athletes. Moving in here because you can't keep your trap shut.

It's gentle, but only a half joke. It took Janet a full year before she would talk to him in more than one syllable answers.

He goes home - works on his book. Ignores the text Scotty sends asking Daniel to call.

Max Verstappen on standing in his driveway, hands shoved in the pockets of a puffy coat at 10:28 on a Thursday. Daniel knows the set of his shoulders and the slop of his face even this far away. No one else will ever look like him. No one else will ever have this kind of intrinsic draw on Daniel's entire being.

Daniel steps out on his front porch, wearing socks and a hoodie, absolutely freezing.

"What do you want, Max?" Daniel hears how exhausted his own voice sounds and he wonders if Max can hear it too.

Max is still walking towards him. "Scotty talks a lot when he's drunk."

Fuck. "Yeah, well. Everything he says is shit." Daniel says - finally talking because Max is at the bottom of the staircase, head tilted up to look at Daniel. "What are you doing here? Where's your car?"

Max shrugs, hands still in his pockets. Daniel hears his coat make that slick crinkle noise. "Don't like to drive."

The pieces fall into place for Daniel now. "Gerald's old place?"

"If you're talking about that luxury cabin down the road, yeah. It's mine." Max laughs at his own joke.

Fucking Scotty. Daniel's socks are wet. "You'd better come inside. You'll freeze to death and Christian will have my head."

Max is knocking his snow boots against the porch and he gives a little dry laugh. "What was it you always said? I was selling my 20's? Well, not anymore."

Daniel spins two steps past the doorframe where Max is. They're too close. Far too close. "What."

"There's never been anyone else, Danny." Max says in that voice. The one that preceeded something that would wreck him entirely. "I know you don't - but, maybe if you still -" He shrugs again.

Daniel sees it there. In his eyes. The love they had managed to carve out together back then - before when Daniel thought love could conquer all, when he wasn't so bruised by the hiding and the secrets and the way they had beaten each other against the rocks of F1.

Before they had become the water that broke on that rock.

"Danny," he says again, slipping a hand from his coat. "I retired last week."

Danny breaks this time, curling his head down into Max's chest and heaving a great big sob.

"I didn't have the courage then," Max whispers into his hair, hand on the back of his neck. "But I think I'd like to have the courage now."

"I'm not moving into that house, Max. It's half haunted." Daniel chokes out in between tears.

Max brings his other hand out of the jacket, wrapping it around Daniel, finally bringing their bodies together. "That is fine, Daniel. I already set up the New York Times subscription for this address anyway. I can do the crossword and you can cook me real bacon now since I am not in training."

Daniel laughs now because it all may change, but damnit if it all doesn't stay the same.

[gizmofannumberone]

I posted 317 times in 2022

That's 317 more posts than 2021!

11 posts created (3%)

306 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@shamebats

@harveyguillensource

@why-yes-i-am-an-adult

@weirdgirlcore

@leebgutz

I tagged 299 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#wwdits - 273 posts

#guillermo de la cruz - 59 posts

#wwdits spoilers - 56 posts

#nandor the relentless - 31 posts

#nadja of antipaxos - 29 posts

#ofmd - 23 posts

#fan art - 16 posts

#cast - 15 posts

#lazlo cravensworth - 12 posts

#colin robinson - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#he's hot harvey is so hot and attractive and he does photo shoots like evey other actor and it's not about his size

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i love going back and reading people’s theories for what would happen with freddie. where it’s all cute and fun and positive character development. like. hahahahaha.

if only you knew

64 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

#4

every episode of this season has been like: epic nandermo moment that distracts from all the other plot things going on

141 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

#3

sorry we’re late to set, we were pretending to be mean girls in the hallway. mean ghouls? 👻

4.05 bts video of natasia and kayvan via harvey’s tiktok

236 notes - Posted August 8, 2022

#2

yes this episode was hilarious but i’m still incredibly concerned about the child that crawled out of the cavity of the deceased colin robinson . he just wants some kids to talk about mr. beast with :( his interests have turned into a job, he’s forced to play SPORTS?? (all of them at that??) aka the one fate worse than school?!?!??

i love uncle memo and the poly vampire idiots of course, but i need colin to be happy. or i will wreak havoc.

306 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

laszlo “you have to invite sean to the wedding or he’ll feel left out” cravensworth, my brother in antichrist, they had to hypnotize him to forget about the entire night anyway. just say you wanted your lil crush there. we will accept you king

8,855 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[dramaticunicorn82]

The Facts of Life

"You take the good. You take the bad. You take'em both and there you have The Facts of Life. You got the future in the palm of your hands. All you gotta do to get you through is understand. You think you rather do without, you will never make through without the truth. The facts of life are all about you." ---Alan Thicke, Gloria Loring, Al Burton

Oh "The Facts of Life"! One of my favorites from childhood. Technically, the started in 1979 and ran until 1988. I was born in 1982, so I wasn't really there watching the first aired episodes. However, syndication is a marvelous thing. I remember watching repeats on Saturday mornings or afternoons (On NBC I think) and then in the early 90's they used to play it all the time on USA in the mornings and I watched it all the time when I was home from school or during the summertime.

It amazes me that this show lasted as long as it did. It was never a critics favorite, it never received awards and specific accolades, and it was a very cheesy show. Yet it stayed on the air for 9 seasons. Yes, 9 WHOLE SEASONS! Also, back then a whole season of shows consisted of 20-26 episodes. That's amazing! Very few new shows theses days that are a whole lot better in quality and critically praised are lucky to get more than one season of 7-12 episodes. Its quite the unusual thing to happen. Especially since the "Different Strokes" spin-off was heavily retooled after its first season because it didn't do well. They just had to find the right formula to give it the charm it produced. Can you imagine what could've been done with fantastic shows that were prematurely canceled before they could find their niche? "Freaks and Geeks" anyone?

Why am I writing about this 30 year old sitcom you ask? Well, I saw a few months ago that the entire series was free to watch on "Tubi" (big shout out to Tubi!) and I hadn't seen them in so long I decided to watch all 9 seasons and I just finished a couple of days ago. This "Facts of Life" binge watch took me a couple of months and I certainly didn't give my 100% attention to every single episode, but I watched it all -- including the made-for-TV movies (remember those?) where they went to Paris and Australia (conveniently cut into four part episodes that were included in their perspective seasons) and I gotta say, I totally understand the shows staying power. Even with all the dated references and old jokes, this show still has something to say to modern audiences.

This show is about growing up and I consider it up there with any great coming-of-age movies. While there were many, MANY silly episodes, (especially in the later seasons) we get to experience these four main characters experiencing life through their lens and we get to watch them grow up. The writers really had a grip on this and showed both the positive and the negative sides to life. Not everything was wrapped up in a perfect bow - it showed the complications of life which a lot of sitcoms at the time did not do. Yes, some episodes might have seemed very "special episode" or "after-school special" but the messages were always great.

As a 40 year old I got to watch some of the similar things I experienced in my own teens and early 20's. The situations may have been very different and not as heightened, but the feelings were just the same. I also may have made them all dramatic in my own way because, hello! I'm a dramatic person!

Anyways, this show has just been on my brain lately because I just finished watching 9 seasons of it and I still really love it. While it may not be as smart as some of the sitcoms of the time like "The Golden Girls" or "Cheers" and the acting doesn't leave much to be desired, I firmly believe it deserves it earns its spot right next to them. It gives the same messages and expresses the same feelings, just in a different style. A style that might not be everyone's cup of tea. Also, the theme song is a total banger and I challenge anyone in my generation to claim they don't know at least the chorus of it. It's beautiful!

Fun fact: One time in 2010 maybe? 2009? Somewhere around there when I was living in Haslet, TX which is outside of Fort Worth. I was working at Starbucks at the time and I worked at a very busy store-it was right off the highway. One day I was working the front register when a blonde woman comes up and makes an order. I forget the exact order but I screwed it up somehow not only once, but twice. Maybe it was something like she ordered something we didn't have and then ordered something different but then I had to tell her we didn't have that either - I don't remember, it was something like that. Basically I rightfully annoyed the customer more than once because I told her something that wasn't true more than once. Looking back on it now, I think I made those mistakes because she looked SOOO familiar to me and I could not place where I knew her from. It was bothering me so bad. After this customer left I could not get her face out of my head and just knew that I knew her. Then it dawned on me! LISA FREAKIN WHELCHEL! Yes indeed, I waited on and annoyed Blair Warner from "The Facts of Life." WOW! I could not believe it and I could have hit myself for not realizing it before she left. I know the actress doesn't really act much anymore and that she does indeed live somewhere up in north Texas because that is where she's from. I also know she's a HUGE Christian, which - good for her. It would be nice to have that moment back because I really would've loved to thank her for being on that show and for being a big part of my life watching reruns.

I mentioned earlier how dated the show is and yes, it really is. I am amazed by an episode in its final season where one of the girls (all of whom are now 19-23 years old and a couple of them have graduated college by this point) has......wait for it....SEX! OH FOR SHAME! In todays world, sex is commonplace for most shows that include teenagers (hello, Euphoria?) but back then? Oh we better not show sex cause that will just show all girls and boys that sex is wrong and that you should always wait until marriage before you have sex. I have such issues with how the United States views sex and pleasure. Violence and guns = good; sex and pleasure = bad. We SOOO have it backwards in country. Anyways, the episode was actually written for Blair to lose her virginity but the actress is such a good Christian woman she asked to not even be in the episode and the plot was given to Natalie. Honestly, out of all the lead characters, Natalie losing her virginity makes the most sense. Plus, they addressed the aftermath of sex. Natalie had sex with her longtime boyfriend "Snake", but after they had sex he began to avoid her. Anyone whose ever had a one night stand with someone else thinking it was so amazing that it could lead to more than just sex knows exactly how that feels. I've had a dozen or so experiences just like that. Alas, Snake ended up being just so overwhelmed with everything because it was his first time too and he needed to gather his feelings and thoughts because it made him realize he 100% loved Natalie and wanted to be with her forever. Awe...that's sweet. Not saying that doesn't ever happen but yeah...never happened to me (crickets...crickets...)

While the subject was pretty archaic, the feelings and thoughts that these characters felt was amazing. It seemed very realistic and that is why I love this show. If you haven't seen it or haven't seen it in awhile, give it a chance. It's still quite good. You might not wanna watch the entire 9 seasons but there are some great episodes that really showcases why this show struck a cord with people both then and now. There's a reunion movie from 2001 I could watch for free on youtube, but I don't know...Jo's not in it and none of the original creators and writers are involved so, yeah, I may have to miss that.

Enjoy the theme song and intros for the show below...Until next time, this is Disco Donny signing off....

[doublel27]

hello xx

saw your answer of "coming full circle" and I agree — that's actually my theory for the finale. I mean we just got a parallel!? 3x17 and 1x03, owen provoking that guy to get him arrested and tk starting the fight at the bar. Its totally for different reasons I understand but something about the Strands.. It makes them father and son for a reason at the end... anyways 👀 i was wondering what do you actually think of the owen dying theory, I know there is a lot of holes to poke into this speculation (it feels stupid to actually ask it) but I just wanted to hear your take on it Xx

I have been very vocal about being against Owen dying. I don’t think they’re killing Owen. It doesn’t make sense narratively, tbh, and it won’t work for the story they’re telling with Owen. Also, TK isn’t ready to be an orphan.

One, Owen has been passively suicidal the entire show. He doesn’t want to die, specifically, but he’s not like against it if he does it saving someone. It comes out in the things he says like “Oh no, all the real heroes died that day” in the pilot or “I’m invincible apparently.” And the risks he takes that are just, in some cases, entirely unhinged and done without forethought, that could result in his death easily. We’ve watched the firefam try to get Owen help for his struggles with depression since season two, and they didn’t give up on it in season 3. Mateo and Marjan have stayed on him.

I, personally, am not comfortable ending the life of a character who struggles with depression and passive suicidal tendencies in a rescue death when he’s in therapy and actively working to deal with his issues after seeing where that darkness lead in 3x14. It just doesn’t make sense for where they’re going. In the same way they aren’t going there with TK, who also struggles with passive suicidal tendencies, or with Bobby Nash and Eddie Diaz on OG. The narrative here isn’t that grimdark. Yes, terrible things happen and we can’t stop them, but there’s hope in the 911verse for the things we can do and change.

Additionally, Owen isn’t done growing and changing. The man is a walking disaster at relationships. He has a collection of children who reflect himself back at himself, but as he once explained as to why he likes Billy, despite Billy being Billy, is that it’s nice to have friends his own age. He’s just not good at it. And I don’t know how much of it is that most of his contemporaries from FDNY are dead, either in 9/11 or from the cancer afterward, or just the power structure he sets up of being a good deal older than his firehouse. He has more growth to do.

And then from a TK perspective, to take his second parent from him in under a year feels incredibly cruel. Gwyn was special and I adore her, but TK loves and is loved by both of his parents. The thesis of 911 Lone Star, for me, is encapsulated by the Carlos quote from 2x04 “They are nice people. They just aren’t perfect people.” These are nice and good but imperfect people. Owen has made mistakes with TK. Of course he has, but he also does his best with what he has.

To lose his last parent would be a devastating blow to TK and with how fragile his sobriety has been lately, I wouldn’t want that storyline at all. He deserves one living parent at his wedding.

If he dies, I’ll be shocked and, honestly, disappointed. If Rob is ready for a step back, I’d be okay with him taking on the chief position from Billy. It would be a great role that would let him have some chances to pop in from time to time but also space for other things.

But if Owen is out here confronting 9/11 memories in this episode, I’m gonna need him to live. He’s been burying those in the black box for so long and they’ve been ruining so many of his relationships since that day, I need him to begin to grapple with them and come out the other side.

[xeulousluv]

Almost

AN: Hello everyone, I am fairly new to posting on this app, so therefore I am still learning how to use it. Hehe :) Anyways, I hope you are having a great day!

Warning: Nothing really, maybe a little bit of angst? 

Zayn and Y/n broke up and all he’s left with are the videos she took during their senior year of high school.

September 1st, 2010: 

The camera was set up in her hand as she was slightly fixing her hair, a huge smile plastered on her makeup covered face. He always thought she looked better without makeup, but sometimes you couldn’t beat the insecurities. 

“Here we are, the first day of senior year! How are we feeling, Zayn?” 

Next to her stood himself, a much younger version of himself. Two years to be exact. He was almost unrecognizabel, with his usual high school attire adoring his body. A white tee-shirt, black skinny jeans, and not to mention his varsity football jacket hanging off of his shoulders. She looked lovingly at her boyfriend, her eyelashes beating against the softness of her rounded cheeks. 

“I’m ready to get out of here, the last three years were the upmost worst years of my life.” Zayn spoke truthfully, he hadn’t expected to make it past the ninth grade, but with the help of Y/n, he managed to make it all the way to his graduating year. Y/n gave him an offended look before responding, “Hey! If it weren’t for these last three years, you would’ve never met me, let alone had the courage to talk to me. Am I really that bad?” 

She laughed out while speaking, all so he knows that she is joking and would never accuse him of thinking such things. Though, he was already two steps ahead of her and was laughing along at her sad attempt of looking offended. “Of course not, baby. You are what kept me going.” With that, Zayn kissed her temple and she let out a small giggle before stopping the camera. 

September 5th, 2010:

Random small talk was heard on the computer sitting in front of Zayn, before her face showed with a bright glow. She was so beautiful it almost hurt. She was laughing at something her friend Emery said, though it was completely inaudible, he just let the smile take over his face hearing her laugh again. 

“I don’t exactly know why I turned this on, but hello! We successfully made it through the first week of school, and let me just say, it was not fun. The teachers still hate me.” Again, Y/n laughed towards the camera. 

“I remember this one time last year when Mr. Lambert threw me out of class because I wouldn’t stop laughing. In my defence, he was talking about the safety of condoms and Zayn kept mocking him. That was a detention worth going to.” Zayn remembered that day clearly. He sat to the left of Y/n, Mr. Lambert’s first mistake, and would whisper in her ear how he would show her the proper way to wear a condom when they got to her house that night. To say he did end up showing her was an understatement. 

The camera then turned to her friend before she continued on with what she was saying, “Anyways, Emery here, has informed me about this back to school party for seniors at Anthony Stilettos house. So, we are heading to the mall so we can get a nice looking outfit for tonight. I’ll see you guys later!”  And with that the camera switched off.

He thought that was the end of the video, but when she popped back on his screen, he was pleasantly surprised. She wore a black dress that just reached her knees, the end of it rippled and flew each time she took a step. Her hair and makeup was done, and her shoes matched her dress, she really was the most beautiful person he has ever met. 

Without saying anything, Y/n moved the camera to where the view was now on Emery. She wore a simple tight red dress that fit her like a glove, she was placing bobby pins in her hair before realising a camera was watching her every move. Emery turned away from the mirror Y/n had in her room, and started making random poses into the camera. The video finally ended with Y/n facing the camera back to herself while laughing at it. 

October 7th, 2010: 

It was homecoming. Their final homecoming, and of course, Zayn asked her to be his date. He didn’t go all out like the previous years, this particular year was asked right after they finished giving each other their all. They were bunched up together, all sweaty and breathless, and that is when Zayn asked her to go to homecoming with him. He thought it was gross because of their previous activities, but Y/n thought it was sweet, endearing even. It was personal and intimate, she wouldn’t have had it any other way. Plus, she was tired of all the attention that comes with getting asked to homecoming. 

Her dress was a beautiful shade of baby yellow, Zayn wore his usual black suit but with a yellow tie and a yellow rose pinned to his coat pocket. The night couldn’t have been anymore magical. 

“Z, are you ready to go? Emmy and Dallas are waiting in the car.” Her soft voice echoed through the speakers, she was worried about being late. But more so, excited about what the night had planned for the couple. Zayn was fixing his hair, like he does any other day, however today, he wanted to look his absolute best. “Just one more second, love. Gotta look perfect before leaving these four secured walls.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes into the camera before another smile took over her face. It only got wider as he finally announced that he was ready. 

“Baby, you look handsome! You don’t need all that hair gel, make one wrong move and we’re calling you Uncle Jesse.” Zayn scoffed, his hands finding their place on her hips, him being pressed up against her back. His chin resting on her shoulder, they looked so in love. They were so in love. 

October 31st, 2010: 

Fall was Y/n’s favorite season, meaning Halloween was by far her favorite holiday. She squealed into the camera when Zayn walked out in his Peter Pan costume. “Baby, you look so fucking adorable!” She cooed, though Zayn was having none of it. “Do we have to go to this party? Can’t we just stay in and watch scary movies, I promise I will protect you if you get too scared!”

He knew it was no use, Y/n had been going on and on about Anthony’s costume party for the past week, so when she started laughing, Zayn internally groaned. “Brave of you to assume I will get scared during a horror movie. How about we go for just an hour, then you and I can come back here and watch whatever movie you want?” 

At that, his ears perked, he could go for an hour. That gives him all the more time alone with his love. “Hocus Pocus? That’s my favorite.” 

“Yes baby, we can watch Hocus Pocus, do this for me, and I’m all yours for the rest of the night.” A grin was stretched across his face as she leaned up and gave a peck to his lips. Adoration shining brightly in her eyes as she looked up at him. “You are so lucky I love you, Y/n.” 

“I love you, Zayn. More than you will ever know.” 

December 31st, 2010:

“Hola, my favorite people! Happy New Years Eve, I hope you guys are having a good day. My family is having a little party to bring in the new year, even though you won’t be watching this until later when I decide to post it, I hope you guys have an amazing holiday. Be safe now. Bye!”

Christmas and New Year’s was hard for Y/n. She had major separation anxiety for everyone she grows close to, so not being able to see the people she loves for a whole two weeks was taking a toll on her. Not to mention, Zayn went back to Bradford for the holidays, so he wasn’t there to keep her calm. All she had was the emails and messages he would send her.  

However, that night was different. She didn’t know what it was, but the air felt more intoxicating. There was something she was missing and the young girl couldn’t put her finger on it. 

Emery got ahold of Y/n’s camera without her noticing, pressing the ‘record’ button and smiling.

“Hi, as many of you may know, my name is Emery White. Before questions start racing through your head about where Y/n is, she is currently in the kitchen talking to one of her neighbors, and she knows nothing about this so, shhh!” Emery held her index finger up to her mouth, even though she is talking to a camera. 

“So, the time is now 11:58, meaning it is almost New Year’s and I got a message from a good friend of mine to get her camera and start recording. Oh wait, she’s coming over! Act normal!” 

“Emmy? Why do you have my camera, wait no, when did you get my camera?” Emery turned her neck to look at Y/n, and smiled while looking at her friends confused face. “It’s almost midnight, I figured we could record the big moment for your journal thing.” 

Y/n looked at her watch and sure enough, it was 12:59, and the people around her were counting down. By the time Y/n looked back at her friend, Emery had switched her position to behind the camera, her smile now stretching to her eyes. She gave a confused smile towards the camera before shaking her head. 

10..

9..

8..

A tap was felt on Y/n’s shoulder making her turn around, not believing her eyes, she had to do a double take. There he was in all of his glory. Zayn stood in front of her with a bouquet of random flowers, her eyes widening in complete shock. 

3..

2..

1!

Before she could fully process his presence, Zayn had planted his lips against hers in what he would call, one of their best kisses. His arms went around her waist while hers were around his neck, keeping him as close as humanly possible. She was the first to pull away from the kiss, tears forming at the bottom of her eyes but never fell. Zayn pulled her back, this time her face went into his neck as he whispered out a small, “Happy New Years, baby.” 

May 22nd, 2011: 

Senior prom, a day Y/n has waited her entire life for. Getting all dolled up for one night of perfection sounded glorious. Unlike most people, her dress doesn’t reach the floor but goes a little ways past her knees. It was a light shade of green, she wasn’t usually one for the cliche pink and blue, and her stomach was laced over showing her belly button peircing. She felt on top of the world, the most gorgeous she has ever felt in her entire life. 

Zayn was in a nude tuxedo, a lightish green tie tucked into the blazer. “It’s prom day, baby, how do you feel?” The now well-known camera placed in front of his face, though he paid no attention to it, but really the girl behind it. “Like I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. How did I get so lucky, hm?” 

The blush was evident on her face, he could see it perfectly now even with the camera facing him and not herself. He could still see the light in her eyes. Looking back on it, he couldn’t imagine living his life without her, how could he let her go? 

It wasn’t like they got in a fight or anything, Zayn and Y/n were going to different colleges and he didn’t want to do the whole long distance thing. He felt she deserved better than that. So even though the breakup was absolutely not a mutual agreement, Y/n somewhat understood and let him walk away. 

“You’re such the charmer, Zayn. Always got me blushing for no good reason.” 

“I would be a bad boyfriend if I didn’t.” 

Now turning the camera to face both of them, Zayn placed a kiss on her lips before turning off the camera and letting their night go on as best as it could, for it would be one of the last good memories they have. Except at the time, neither of them knew the last time would actually be the last time. 

June 4th, 2011: 

“Hey everyone, I just want to start off by saying congratulations, we made it. Graduating today was the most amazing feelings, and I’m sure you all can agree with me. The past four years have really taught me a lot, I know I sound like the Mallory Barnes, our valedictorian that gave the speech today, but I’m serious, you all have been amazing. Teachers included.” 

Y/n wasn’t in her usual attire. She was in a comfortable baggy hoodie, and that’s all you could see as her camera was propped on the desk in the corner of the room. Her hair was in a messy bun, no makeup, and her glasses were sat perfectly on her nose. What no one could notice was the slight puffiness to her eyes, the way they were red and tired. But Zayn noticed, however. When Y/n first uploaded this to her instagram, Zayn couldn’t bare to watch it, so seeing it now definitely brought back a feeling he tried too hard to push away. 

“In the past four years I have learned about friendships, I learned about love, and I learned about heartbreak. I have got to say, high school brought me some really great friendships that I will cherish forever. I am finding it very difficult to say goodbye, but we are bound to go off and do bigger and better things. The future awaits for us.” 

“I just want to thank you guys for the amazing memories, and I hope you guys make your dreams come true.” Y/n sighed into the camera, she was really bad at saying goodbye, though you would think it would be easier considering no one likes high school. However, Y/n loved every single second of it, maybe not the learning but the memories made.

“Now, I am going to get really sappy for a minute and say a massive thank you to the man who has loved me for the past four years. Zayn, I know we haven’t talked in a few weeks, and you’re probably not even watching this, but just know that I am so proud of you.  I don’t know how I could not be. I really hope you make something wonderful of yourself. You were by far my favorite part of this journey. Thank you for sticking with me and for loving me. And even though we aren’t together anymore, I love you.”

“We almost had it all, didn’t we?” 

AN: Yeah, I don't think I like this babahahah. Love the concept but someone out there could definitely write it better. 

[nat-20s]

Part 5 of Wonderful! Au. *boyband voice* banter’s back alright!

Also on AO3

~*~

Jon: Hello everyone, and welcome back to our regular format. If my husband being horribly soppy-

Martin:-hey!-

Jon: -turned you off the how, this should be a refreshing return to formula, though I can’t guarantee there won’t be further horrible soppiness-

Martin, performatively under his breath: -most people thought it was charming-

Jon: -as that tends to happen when one is recording with the love of their life. If last week’s episode is the only one that you like, too bad, I’m back in full form, and should be at least through the rest of the season.

Martin: This show doesn’t have seasons? Due to the whole lack of a narrative thing?

Jon: I was referring to spring.

Martin: Oh, right.

[A beat passes.]

Martin, flatly: Oh. Great goof hon.

Jon, smug: Thank you.

Jon, sincere: Also, before we get properly started, I did want to actually thank everyone who sent well wishes.

M artin: Yes! We got positively inundated with lovely messages, it definitely brightened both of our days. I would even say it was wonderful.

[Jon groans.]

Jon: I am..not proud of the energy we’ve created for this episode so far, and we haven’t even hit the small wonders. Speaking of, do you have a small wonder this week?

Martin: Mine’s bad action movies.

Jon: Really? I had no idea you even liked them, let alone consider them wonderful.

Martin: Okay, so, saying I like them is a bit of a misnomer? It’s more that I like what they can do more than the movies themselves?

Jon: Elaborate?

Martin: It probably comes as a surprise to no one that I’ve tried my hand at a fair amount of mindfulness and mediation techniques. I’ve found poetry and journaling have been helpful for actually processing life events and whatnot, but when it comes to giving your brain a hard wipe and reset, nothing is half as quick and effective as a shitty shoot-em-up. Somethings about 2 hours of cartoonish, pg-13 violence held together with the absolute loosest of plots brings me to a state of mental blankness that would make a monk jealous.

Jon: How have I never witnessed you doing this? When are you sneaking off to go see Micheal Tarantino or who ever films?

M artin: That’s definitely not the right name.

Jon: Martin, dear, I don’t care. And you’re dodging the question.

Martin, fond: I’m not dodging anything. Since apparently we’re getting into it, you haven’t caught me cavorting with a movie involving more explosions than character development lately because I haven’t been. Haven’t needed it, in recent years. Turns out when you’re not crushingly lonely and working a literal nightmare of job, there’s less of a drive to try and escape your own thoughts. Shocker, I know. Still, to anyone out there that feels like their brain is on fire, go try watching a fast and furious. Any of ‘em, it doesn’t matter. Or even better, Chronicles of Riddick. I can’t remember a single goddamn detail of that movie, which makes it perfect for what I’m talking about.

Jon: I have the strong feeling that th is is a “mileage may vary” scenario.

Martin: Well, yeah, that’s this whole podcast. Plus, I imagine that movies like this would cause more stress to someone who cares about, say, world-building or rules consistency.

Jon: I wonder who you could possibly be referring to.

Martin: It’s a purely hypothetical person, love, don’t worry about it. Any small wonders?

Jon: Yes! Particularly relevant to the last week, my small wonder is stripping the sheets from your bed when it’s been too long between washes.

Martin: How very specific. M ost people would just say ‘clean sheets’.

Jon: Well, for one, I’m fairly certain that we’ve already covered clean sheets-

Martin: Shit, have we? Thank god other people keep track of this, otherwise this show would be unbearably repetitive.

Jon: Christ, yes. I typically check the website a good three times while prepping, and every about one out of those three times I find I’m trying to do an topic we did 30 episodes again. Anyway, um, it’s just nice, I think. When you’ve been too busy or sick or away for awhile, tossing the sheets in the wash makes a room instantly seem nicer. Of all the chores out there, this one, at least for me, has the highest reward to effort ratio.

Martin: Hard agree. Especially when the y have that slight funk of having been around to long, getting rid of that is such a relief. Speaking of, we need to change our sheets soon.

Jon: We can do it after the episode. Who goes first this week?

Martin: Considering last week was only me talking, I’m gonna say it’s you.

Jon: Alright, then. My first thing this week is Martin K. Blackwood.

Martin: Absolutely not!

Jon: Oh, you can do a whole episode on me, but I can’t do one little segment on my husband, whom I love very dearly?

Martin: Not while I’m sat here, no!

Jon: So you’re saying you don’t want me to tell the internet that your resolve to be kind even in the face of indescribable cruelty is one of the mot breathtaking things I’ve ever witnessed, or how I find it incredibly endearing when you get so emotional that your voice comes out as a squeak, or even that, on a more base level, you’re very physically attractive, and I could lose entire days thinking about your arms alone?

Martin, audibly blushing, voice the aforementioned squeak: Oh my god, Jon!

Jon, laughing: Then it’s probably for the best that my actual first thing is best friends.

Martin, peaking the audio levels: Oh you absolute bastard! Do you enjoy this? Do you get some sort of perverse sense of entertainment from riling me up?

Jon: Oh, don’t you start. As if you’re not as bad as I am. Maybe even worse.

Martin: That’s not…

Jon: Yes?

Martin: Okay. Maybe it’s slightly true. Really, what is romance for if not flustering your partner with compliments?

Jon, teasing: I certainly can’t think of anything.

Martin: Hush, you.

Jon: No, I don’t think I will.

Martin: Fine. I suppose you can tell our delightful audience about the power of friendship or whatever.

Jon: I would’ve assumed more enthusiasm, considering this segment is still, indirectly, about you.

Martin: In what way?

Jon: In the way that, to the shock of all, you’re my best friend.

Martin, pleased: Oh, is that what I am?

Jon, exasperated: Yes, dearest husband, I wouldn’t have married you otherwise. Though, upon reflection, I knew you were my best friend before I knew I held romantic feelings for you.

Martin: When was that?

Jon, letting out a breath that vibrates his lips: God it was...2016? I think it might’ve literally been the day after you told me about your CV.

Martin: That early? Huh. I wonder if that’s what people were picking up when they said they we were close.

Jon: What people?

Martin: I don’t know specifically, that’s just what Daisy told me.

Jon: Daisy? When the hell-?

Martin: It...was when she was interrogating me? And, because sometimes I have to be a parody of myself, pretty much my only take away from that interrogation was “people think me and Jon are close”.

Jon: Well then. It’s not like they were wrong.

Martin, smug: No, no they weren’t.

Martin, sincere: And you’re my best friend, too.

Jon: I was certainly hoping that you’re in this relationship for more than my good looks and incredible fortune, both in the monetary and luck sense.

Martin: You say that as if you aren’t good looking, which we all know is patently untrue.

Jon: You’re biased. You’d say I was good looking if I were nothing more than some primordial ooze with thoughts about its station.

Martin: I’m being completely objective. If you were primordial ooze with thoughts above its station, you’d be the cutest ooze of them all. That’s just scientific fact.

Jon: I’m starting to think we might be insufferable.

Martin: Starting to? Might be?

Jon:…

[Jon clears his throat]

Jon: What I find wonderful about the concept of best friends is, to me, they’re the closest thing real life has to soulmates. I don’t personally believe that there’s some..grand mystic force that drives people to be tied together in the manner that narrative typical soulmates are, and if there was I don’t think it would necessarily be the kind of emotional, heartfelt bond one would hope for, but I do believe that there’s individuals that get to know one another, and because of that knowledge, they chose to stick with one another. It doesn’t have to be a romantic, which is why I say best friend rather than specifically ‘spouse’, but I would argue that the basis of a strong romance like you and I have, is very much rooted in that connection. A true best friendship is an equal partnership, and there’s a sense of..matched sensibilities and understanding that can be utterly incandescent when it happens.

I also think that having one or more best friends makes living life on a day to day basis both better and just flat easier. The dark times aren’t as dark, and the bright times shine even more. I know from my own personal experience there are events that I..that I don’t know how I would’ve made it through without you. Hell, last week my..recovery period would’ve taken much longer if you hadn’t been there.

It’s an amazing thing to have someone to share things with, both triumphs and burdens. Um, also, according to Dictionary.com, the term best friends in English has been around since the 1200s. Something about that delights me, like, yes, we’ve had this casual way of referring to a Favorite Person for roughly 800 years. That makes it a hold-out from early Middle English. I dunno, it’s one of those things that make me feel overall very charmed by humanity.

Martin, audibly smiling: No, yeah, hard agree.

Jon: What’s that look for?

Martin: Nothing. Just. I love you a whole lot, you know that?

Jon, voice soft: I may have heard you say that once or twice. Per hour.

Martin: Only that often? I really need to be more diligent about that.

[There’s a bet of silence, presumably where they’re making doe eyes at each other.]

Jon: What’s your first thing?

Martin: Oh, um, right. Rats!

Jon: The expression or the animal?

Martin: Jon, have you ever once heard me say “rats” as an expression? Obviously I’m referring to the animal.

Jon: Ah. Should’ve known, considering that what, a third?, of all your segments have been on animals.

Martin: Yeah? And? You got a problem with critters? With creatures? With lil guys?

Jon, laughing: No, no, it’s very sweet. I’m just surprised you never became a vet.

Martin: Oh believe me, I wanted to. But then I learned that it was not, in fact, a job composed entirely of getting paid to play with other people’s pets.

Jon: You had that job, though, didn’t you? I thought I remembered you mentioning a month long stint at a doggie day care.

Martin, sighing dreamily: Best job I ever had. Too bad that place was shut down after it was revealed to be a money laundering front.

Jon: Good lord.

Jon: Martin did you...did you know it was a money laundering front at the time?

Martin:

Martin: Would it make you feel better if I said no?

Jon: Martin!

Martin: I figured it out like a week in, but, like, who cares? The pay was decent and the floor was super easy to clean, which is very much a plus for even a front of a doggie day care.

Jon: That’s...rather a lot. How about instead of getting into that any further, you tell me about rodents.

Martin: I would love to. But first, we have a shoutout!

Jon: Ooo, a shoutout. Does it specify who should read?

Martin: Let me check. It...does...not…..

...

Jon: Martin?

[A beat.]

Martin: Right! Sorry, um. This week’s shoutout is from Tim, to Danny. It says, “Danny! My favorite person who shares genetic material with me! I wanted to say thank you for your podcast obsession from 4 months ago, and specifically for telling me about these marrieds. They’ve gotten me through many a dull hour at the publishing house. Also, with this shoutout, I’ve officially gotten ahead on the Superior [Last Name Redacted] Brother scoreboard, so suck it. Love you lots, and looking forward to your visit next month, Tim.”

Jon: Oh.

Jon: Um. That’s very..sweet? I think? Mostly?

Martin: Yeah, I’d say so. Uh. We have to take a quick break because, uh, someone is..at our front door! Be back with you all in, from your side of things, just a moment.

[creatingnikki]

What 2020 has taught me

1. Those things that seem like content for sci fi or pure fiction are actually things that can happen. To the entire world. Like a pandemic. And to you. Like a seizure.

2. Everyone is sad. Everyone is struggling. In different ways and in different measures. Makes no one special. But you still get to feel sad for yourself and be compassionate towards others. But it's also okay to draw boundaries because you're everyone too. Remember, not special? You're sad and trying to deal with it too.

3. Every job you have will not add value to your life. It will not teach you new things or give you people you'll want to stay in touch with. Sometimes some jobs will only be a season of your life. Even if the season lasts for over a year. It's okay.

4. You know how you thought picking a college and picking a major and picking your first job and picking a specific industry were all the career decisions you had to make? Yeah, no. It's never a one time thing. You could have a job as a marketing strategist for two years and then want nothing to do with it. And then you'll have to make another decision and work towards it. So I'd like to call it moves. It's like chess. You always have to make a move. And it always has to be strategic, yes. But the truth is in your 20s it probably won't. Even if you try. And as long as you're trying, you'll be fine.

5. You may have different sorts of friends like the one you only talk to about kdrama with or the one you met when you went book shopping alone and the friendship is all about books really. That's normal. But irrespective of why and how you became friends with them, if you consider them a friend then there has to be this basic sense of care, respect and empathy for each other. I don't care what people want to say. If you're faced with the worst trauma of your life, the least your friends can do is check up on you regularly. On text. And if they don't even do that then guess what? They aren't friends. They are acquaintances. Social media and quick promises make everyone seem like your friend. But they are not. They are just nice people who will be nice to you for specific periods and then wander away like you are a speck of dust floating in their journey.

6. You speak a lot and write and you express yourself and you’re emotionally mature but oh my god. You still hold in so much. You’ve known that at a subconscious level and over the last year people - experts - have told you that. You have also realized that you make your pain and sadness about pettier things because dealing with them, admitting about them, sharing that with your friends, is easier. You do that so that you don’t have to deal with the real stuff. Because it’s so damn painful. And you don’t know how to do it. Yet. Acknowledging is the first step anyway right? I know you’re confused about how exactly to let go of all this pain and sadness and feel lighter, and you know that talking to people really isn’t the solution, but I also know you’re smart enough to figure it out. 

7. Talking about being smart...you know you’re different than others. Better. Special. Smarter. None of these are the right words. And you never voiced this out until this year because you knew it would make you come across as narcissistic. Some would say it’s because you’re an INFJ. But my mother once said that this may be the first time we are consciously living life but our souls are old and so our instinct and the things we know but can’t explain are because this isn’t the first time for our souls. The connections we feel with certain people, the reason we are so different from our siblings who grew up in the exact same environment with the exact same opportunities, our sense of right and wrong...it’s all because our souls learn and grow with each time and that’s why we are who we are. I think that’s probably how I can explain what I have always felt. That I am living in a different universe than everybody but I have to pretend to be in this one and dumb my emotions and thoughts down. Maybe that’s because my soul has lived through thousands of years while most around me are living their 100th life. Or maybe I’m just narcissistic, who knows?

8. You shift between talking in first person and second person but that’s because that’s how you think in your head and talk to yourself and live your life. You ask yourself things and you accuse yourself of things and you apologize to yourself and you comfort yourself. I think that seeps into your writing and the changing of the voices. 

9. You always genuinely thought that you’d not be afraid of dying. And then what happened this October proved you shockingly wrong. I know it’s not so much being afraid of dying but the unbearable pain of knowing what that would mean to your family. So you have to be more prudent and less reckless with your life and the choices you make. 

10. Regret is not something that plagued you but this year the realisation and pain of giving away your favourite books from your own personal collection to people you care about as a show of affection and them turning out to be ass holes or losers has hit you so hard. So, yes. No more of that shit. I really fucking want my copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower back. UGH. With the childhood picture of me inside it! 

11. Sleeping at 5 am in the morning stops being fun or romanticised when you realise just how much harm it does to your body and mind. Literally every single disease and disorder can be traced back to a shitty fucking sleep schedule. It’s not just the hours you sleep but also the quality of sleep and the time you sleep at. So yes sleeping for 8 hours is healthy but not if that 8 hours is from 5 am to 12 pm. ‘Not a morning person’ is just another construct of capitalism and you don’t realise how many industries profit from having you believe that and staying up late or all night. Entertainment. Food. Alcohol. Pharma. Biologically and naturally you are a bloody morning person. And you don’t need 3 cups of coffee to begin your day or your phone notifications to get you to open your eyes and brain to wake up. 

12. Sometimes you really have to stop taking people so seriously. I know the idea of treating people as casual friends or entertainment makes you want to fight that concept but you know what? Some people like Pineapple are ever only going to be good for that. No matter how much they ‘grow and change’. So keep them in the background for whenever you want some entertainment or drama. But please don’t clear up your busy schedule to meet them or send them gifts on their birthday. 

13. If you don’t have the fruit juice or green juice within half an hour of making it then you are losing out on its most optimum health benefits. Or when you remove the white stringy stuff from oranges. That’s where all the actual nutrients are.

14. I am privileged and so are most of the people I interact with. The global pandemic has been hell for a lot of people around the world. Health wise. Financially. Losing people they care about. But I was blessed enough to be safe at home and have a job that I could smoothly do from home and not have a pay cut or 4-hour long Zoom meetings. So honestly when my friends tell me 2020 has been bad I have to stop and ask them why? Yes, the crippling uncertainty and anxiety is not something that can be undermined. But most people I know had very great positive life-changing milestones this year like moving away to another country for college or taking their first solo trip or getting married. So I have to ask them. Because I am not going to agree that everybody’s 2020 and pandemic narrative is the same. 

15. Money gets spent really quickly. When I left my job earlier this year because of personal issues, I thought I had enough savings to last me a year. Full disclosure - I mean to last my personal expenses because I live with my parents. But it didn’t even last me 3 months. And so to use money wisely and buy things that provide utility than instant gratification is something to follow. Also buying one pair of really expensive but quality shoes is better than buying 5 pairs of affordable but low quality shoes that will have a very short life and force you to buy more. I know that higher price doesn’t always mean better quality but sometimes it does. And as an adult now I want to do the whole quality > quantity thing even with things and not just people. 

16. Everyone in their 20s went through a crisis of what they should do with their lives and their careers and it’s not unique to the 21st century and the challenges of today. Whether it was Vincent Van Gogh in the 19th century or Sylvia Plath in the 20th, every single person, as brilliant as them went through the torture of making these decisions and living with their consequences. You may think I picked wrong examples for they both killed themselves but you know what? They were the people who really want to live more than anyone. They knew what life meant. And maybe if mental health help was more accessible back then their lives would be longer and more peaceful. 

17. Telling people everything is overrated. You don’t have to talk about every single thing that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. The good and the bad and the mediocre. You have to be mindful about how much of yourself you’re giving away. 

18. Re-watch Suits when people at work feel intimidating because the confidence + negotiation tactics that they show can actually work irl cos at the end of the day no matter in what position you’re dealing with people who have emotions and fears and insecurities and desires. You understand how to leverage that nobody can get the better of you. 

19. You belong to yourself. No matter how much you love someone or how much they have done for you or how much you owe them - you belong to yourself. You can’t live your life for someone else. Everyone belongs to themselves first. No relationship, no promise, no circumstance should make you feel like you have to give up your life and make it all about them. If and when the time comes to die for them, go ahead. Take a bullet. Donate that kidney. Write them in your will. But live your life for yourself. And let them live theirs. 

20. Twenty three was a challenging year. When it started you claimed the age 23 sounds boring and insignificant. Guess it proved you wrong. It hurt so much now. But that only means you’ll look back on it later and see how it added so much wisdom and resilience to your being. It doesn’t mean that it makes all the bad things that happened to you okay. Or that you should be grateful to them. Fuck no. It means that you should be kinder to yourself because at the end of the day, your mind and body find it in themselves to deal with whatever is thrown their way. They have your back. It’s time you learn to sit straight. 

[dimonds456]

*sees your tags about being salty about suf spinel*

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT SHARE YOUR SALT /LH

Okay, but I'm warning you, you asked for it.

LONG POST WARNING.

LIKE A REALLY, REALLY LONG POST WARNING.

Dimonds456 Presents: How They Did My Baby Dirty: An SUTM and SUF Analysis on Steven and Spinel (Told by a Progressively More and More Angry Narrator)

THE CONTEXT: There was a post talking about how you think a character will fix everything, but then they wind up making it works. My tags were "#*looks at suf spinel* #I am still salty about that like the bitch I am fghdjskgfa"

Grab some water, guys.

Let's start by talking about Steven for a moment. In the original show, when we were following him as a 12-14-year-old, we watched as he built up trauma and then learned how to hide it expertly well, to the point that most of the audience didn't even realize he was struggling.

You can actually pinpoint the seconds he makes those decisions, too. The best example is in "The Test," when he's storming up to the gems. He's pissed. His fists are clenched, he's got that anime eye shadow overlay on his face, he's frowning, all that. the Crystal Gems are clapping for him and lying to his face, and he KNOWS they are because he overheard them talking about how it was "impossible for him to fail" that test (- Garnet).

And yet... he also overheard them saying that they're just trying their best. They don't know what he needs. They never really have. No one is sure. So, Steven realizes that by picking a fight, he would just be making it worse for them because they would know they messed up, and nothing gets solved, and everyone gets more depressed and Amethyst and Pearl go back to fighting each other and- well, you get the picture. He doesn't have a full understanding of what's going on, so his kid brain went "so I can either be angry at them and cause problems, or I can tell them I did a good job to make them happy."

"I can lie to make them happy."

He storms down there angry, still mulling this decision over. He drops to the floor, frowning and pissed, and says "I can't believe you guys." He is so close to yelling at them, and yet, when he looks up at them...

"That was so... INSANE!"

You never would have been able to tell. It was right there. That moment. And then he never stops. For the ENTIRE REST of the series, he NEVER STOPS. He puts the Crystal Gems above himself every time. Think Rose's Scabbard, The Message, The Return/Jailbreak. The Cluster. Peridot. Dealing with Jasper. The zoo arc (ESPECIALLY the zoo arc). Aquamarine. Then pretty much the entirety of Season 5.

(NOTE: I went back and rewatched that scene for the screenshot. There is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it lip tremble in there too! D,: )

He lives for the people around him, and not for himself. Almost never for himself.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's look at his maturity. People thought that was just him being mature, right? That he grew up. No. That was not it at all. He was learning from his own behaviors as well as the people around him, and building up this idea that he had to "fight to be everything that everyone wants [him] to be when [he's] grown" (- Steven, the extended intro).

Yes, he matured, but not because of that. He started making various decisions to benefit the group that oftentimes he wasn't fully comfortable with, but something he believed would be better for everyone.

Put a pin in that.

Then, later in Future, we see it all manifest. He is selfless to a fault, to the point that he can't think of himself in a positive light in the sense that he's good. We see it a couple of times, but especially in "Prickly Pair," when he vents to Cactus Steven about everything that happened. He feels useless, which is taking a toll on his mental health.

"Why do I need to be needed?" He needs to be needed because that's everything he was as a kid. His entire IDENTITY rests on his ability to help other people, no matter what happens to him. He literally sacrificed himself for them countless times (the big one of course being the Aquamarine incident), and now as a teenager, his whole sense of self is wrapped up in this need to get up and do something to make the world better.

And when he can't make the world better, his world falls apart.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's talk about Spinel, the moment we've all been waiting for.

Spinel, as a gem, was made specifically to be a friend. That is her niche, and her purpose. Her reason for existing. At first, she and Pink Diamond got along very well, as shown in the flashbacks right before Drift Away plays (I headcanon she has illusion powers and was literally projecting her trauma, but that's a completely different post).

She and Pink vibed together for who knows how long, until one day, Pink started to not like being around Spinel anymore, finding her annoying and childish. We don't know what really caused the switch, just that it did happen (but of course, I have headcanons for that, too). Spinel never realized until it was FAR too late.

Steven actually describes his younger self as annoying at one point during the Diamond Days arc, when he decides to throw the ball, so I'm legally allowed to make this comparison.

Steven and Spinel were the SAME. They were both young and dumb, and something that at least a few people found annoying. People put up with their BS though, since they cared about them. But, while Steven realized this and matured because of it (or bottled up his emotions, to each their own), Spinel never did. She never matured. She was never given a chance.

In the movie, we saw her as a child, and watched as she played with Pink and never tried to be or do anything else, to the point that Pink Diamond thought to realize she might be struggling (and maybe Spinel didn't, either!).

She lives for the people around him, and not for herself. Almost never for herself.

And when she can't be friends with this one person, her world falls apart.

Sound familiar? It should. I literally pulled from things I said earlier lol.

Spinel and Steven are mirror reflections of each other. Reset!Spinel is 14-year-old Steven, completely devoting her entire self to one idea. Steven's was helping others no matter what, Spinel's was serving Pink no matter what. Spinel is like a combination of 14 and 12-year-old Steven in this sense, honestly. Goofy, without a care in the world, except one thing: the people around her. She would do anything for Pink, just as Steven would do anything for his family.

Now, Pink Diamond left Spinel. We all know this story. She left Spins there in the garden for 6,000 years because she grew more mature and started a rebellion, effectively forgetting about this one gem she kinda stopped caring about standing there.

Personally, I don't think Pink had any malicious or even intentional intent in that, but this ain't about her. This is about how Spinel continued to sacrifice herself for Pink, even when Pink didn't need her to anymore. She wanted to please Pink 24/7, all day every day, to the point she self-sacrificed and stood perfectly still for her for millenia.

Now, back to Steven. The gems don't need him anymore in Future, right? They've all grown up and matured and headed off towards their own futures, effectively stranding him alone in terms of self-identity and self-worth. But he stays there, ready to assist at the drop of a hat, or- in Future's case- the call of a phone.

Episode 6 anyone? The one everyone says shouldn't be in Future? That it should have been cut to allow more focus on Steven himself? The fusion episode? YEAH. THAT. He is running himself RAGGED to try and help others, to give himself a purpose. He is self-sacrificing. (He's a professional, don't worry. /j)

Steven metaphorically planted his feet down and decided that he was going to devote himself to the people around him.

Spinel's feet were literally tied down soon after she made that very same decision.

Okay, enough with the backstory. Time for the salt.

In Future, Steven is at his lowest low. He is running to the Diamonds for help, to see if there is SOMETHING they can do to help him. And we first see Spinel.

Spinel has been through the ringer on a lot of the same mental problems Steven himself is facing. She self-isolated, watched as everyone grew up and left her, and then began to lash out because of it. She understands what he's going through. We even see her concerned as Steven starts to tell her why he's there.

Spinel takes him from Diamond to Diamond, until he's running out of White's room in a blind panic. Spinel is able to catch up with him, and Steven realizes the same. SHE GETS IT. He turns around and says "Hey, you used to have vengeful thoughts!"

Spinel replies "Ohhhhh yeah, but I don't have 'em anymore."

"How did you make them stop?"

She then goes on to sing Change to him, effectively cutting that conversation short.

On paper, that sounds very in-character for her. She's goofy! And that is what worked for her! But the problem is that they had to dumb her down in order to make that character decision work. In the movie, she was shown to be observant and able to put two and two together, even if she often jumps to conclusions (see her being the one to figure out that the gems needed to remember their "pieces," as she remembers the Garden, her re-realizing what Pink did, and her meltdown later when she reactivates the injector).

Spinel is smart. It should have been in character for her to realize that Steven was panicking just as she had been, and needed to be talked to gently. But no. Instead, she starts belting out Change, which given Steven's situation, would not work for him.

At the very least, she would have started doing little tricks or started trying to get him to join a game, which would have taken his mind off of it (to her anyways, that wouldn't have worked either), which then could have prompted further discussion.

Then, once they finally start talking, Spinel could have been able to share some legitimate advise. She was hurt and lashed out. What worked for her was opening up to others and letting them in, learning to trust again (which Steven also has problems with- he can't trust that the Gems won't break down the second he turns his back. Trust does NOT equal love, there is no doubt he loves them to no end), and allowing other people in.

That is what Steven needed, too. He needed to let his guard down and just talk to someone. Sure, Spinel was not going to be a fix-all, but she could have at least offered some insight on what to do.

She UNDERSTANDS him. They are a reflection of each other.

But instead of offering help, Spinel made it worse. She was dumbed down to allow the rest of Future to happen, to make Steven feel even worse. Because- and here's the kicker- because the one person who MIGHT understand him doesn't, that means there's no hope for him.

At least, that's how he sees it. And so, the denial- and "Everything's Fine"- begins.

Here's the thing, though; they DIDN'T NEED to make that decision. If the Crew wanted to have Spinel not understand Steven, then draw the line of her being a Gem from Era 1, used to the Diamonds shattering people.

Steven has killed Jasper and revived her at this point, so maybe Spinel offers that at least he's trying to get better, just like the other Diamonds! See, they're doing so great now! And then that makes him feel worse since he IS trying to do better, but is only failing, while the Diamonds- who were MADE to be nasty dictators- are doing better than him.

The Diamonds shattered a lot of people, and they're doing better than Steven, who has only shattered one person, and not even on purpose. How horrible is that?

Then boom. THERE'S your angst, with a much smarter, more helpful Spinel.

Look, I knew going in that Spinel wasn't going to be able to help. The finale had to happen somehow, and we hadn't seen Wormy Boi yet. I have always been a storng believer of the corrupted Steven theory, so I knew it was bound to happen. But I was hoping that Spinel would at least try. But she really didn't. She just brushed him off, offering really loose advise that didn't even fit his situation and thinking that would be enough.

No. It's not.

I can see where the Crew was coming from. I still love that episode, and I love seeing Spins in it (until that exact moment). This is probably the only thing in SU that genuinely gets me mad. Or, well, maybe not mad, but definitely annoyed and- you guessed it- salty.

I have an unfinished fic where I kinda delve into Spinel's head for that episode called "A New Start". If you really want my thoughts on where Spinel's head was at, there's a bit in there that really explains it. In the fic, Steven decides to rejuvenate himself and brings Spinel along with him, and that's all the context you need for this.

I cannot explain that moment in the climax of the episode, though. Maybe she thought it would make him feel better, or that maybe he really did just need to open his eyes and see the error of his ways (which doesn't make sense, he KNOWS what he did). Maybe she thought that being silly would help somehow.

But you'd think she'd learn from her time with Pink as she grew more annoyed with her, but apparently not. Or maybe she would realize for a second that being loud and annoying was bad. Or maybe she doesn't learn.

Either way, it- and she- was dumb. And they did my baby dirty.

*drops mic and walks away*

[disfordevineaux]

Hello ! So if you finished watching season 4, could you share your opinion on it ? Did it meet your expectations ? Was the ending satisfying ?

HELLO! Yes, yes I have. Pretty much the second it came out I was watching it. I have pretty much been in a gif making coma for the last 3 days since its release, and I think the fact it's over has now just hit me.

I really liked s4. It was rushed, yes, but that's understandable considering the context. S4 was clearly not the initial plan. Not many Netflix aminated TV shows reach S6 or past that, so I have a feeling they were going for 6 seasons but had to cut it short. It's better than it getting officially cancelled. Which is most likely why season 4 was full to the brim with actions and character development. So I'm not mad at the quick end but I would have loved at least one more season to really flesh the development and plot points. No more so than the Devineaux development in regards to the new Julia and Chase dynamic.

Before I go into that I want to address the solo Chase-ness that was fantastic. Chase got his ass kicked like 5 times this season, once by a chair.

And was clocked by a frisbee for good measure too.

Oh, and landed on his car another time. The pain in his face... I- help this man.

But he got to kick some of his own asses this season too ofc.

Anyway, Chase really stood up and said ‘I am a Himbo’ this season and it filled me with joy. Just look. veryveryveryvery handsome as always I approve of this message.

Enough said.

Let me get on with the big thing I want to talk about. The Chase and Julia dynamic reinvention.

If I’m honest, it did feel quick, due to time constraints, but not out of nowhere. My expectations for Chase and his growth was blown out of the water. I was incredibly impressed with his physical display for admiration for Julia in the end. His way of officially apologising, (as someone said on a rb of one of my posts), Chase is a person of action and his grand gesture of giving Julia the spotlight, as well as a few glowing compliments and a callback and twist of what he used to say, was a great twist on just an ordinary apology. I adore how you can clearly see that he means it.

It was monumental, if a subtle display of respect that clearly struck a positive chord with Julia, and only could have with Julia. Just look at her face in the gif above, PURE. She clearly seemed as though she had decided to forgive his past transgressions after his help in her rescue.

Most definitely helping in her decision to return to ACME to be his partner again. Know she isn't alone and that Chase truly has changed for the best. I love how Chase was complete rapture that she had decided to return, even going for a hug. The guy really went from S1 striving to be stoic all the time, to allow himself to wear his emotions and expressiveness on his sleeves. Just, good vibes right there. It felt like the s4 Chase we got was always there but hidden by his ego and by himself deliberately.

Wholesome stuff my guys. My heart was FULL. I tell you. FULL. I slapped my hand to my chest in awe. He even asked: ‘But your academic career?’ and was happy to be finally able to hunt down real criminals with her, as, and I quote, a family. Adorable.

Don’t even get me started on the fist-bumping. I would throw myself into a pit of fire for them.

And those inside jokes? I could be here all day. Their dynamic now, if not nearly displayed a much as I wanted, was nourishing to my soul. Just LOOK

And that is just one scene.

After the first time jump of 3 weeks, they appeared to be finally enjoying one another company, a true team. Then after 6 months, it seemed even more natural, playful too. They trusted each other's abilities and opinions. Sharing their belief that Carmen was good as well as supporting one another as good partners should, especially Chase. They look so comfortable in each other presence it was immaculate.

They appeared content, and I loved that most of all. Chase was genuinely interested in Julia’s explanations and it was heartwarming to see. Julia appreciating it too. Watching them interact as close friends now was such a treat. The last 2-3 episodes, in particular, Chase even asking her to continue and adding onto her historical divulges. Awesome stuff. And Julia running into Carmen just as she was about to punch Chase’s lights out was pretty sweet too, as well as her getting one in on Cleo, GO GIRL GO. Julia this season had so much more depth. Loved it.

Also, finding out Chase’s name is in fact a self-given nickname was right on theme with the show. So many people with real names we will never know.

Back onto the expressions and his enthusiasm. I mean LOOK. This dude- AND THE CAT JACKET RETURNS!

He just loves his wordplay.

Anyway- The effect Julia had on him was profound and just fantastic to see. He wanted to be better. Chase will no doubt rub off some of his own flairs onto her in due time I'm sure.

Chase working with carmen and the small interaction we got were great as well. Still a little rigid, but full of intrigue.

Chase wanting to go and save Julia, because he earlier felt as though this was all his fault, was precious too. And the whole Tigress and Chase fight scene was amazing. He trapped her inside a casket, iconic. And Chase showing up as Julia is like ‘omfg Devineaux is that you?’ As he just all suave says ‘fashionably late as always’ and pushes his messy hair back like HOOO BOY you lovely little stinker I would die for you. He was ready to fight 1 v 3. No one has the same determination as a Devineaux. For an ordinary guy, he is really able to keep up with the best, if not behind a tad I MEAN UM. DUDE SLID DOWN THE STAIRS AND JUMPED RIGHT INTO A HOLE. No second thought THEN SWUNG HIMSELF OVER NO PROB? Who is this athlete of a man?

Like my man, you are not graceful at all please let carmen do it.

In the end, he really did save them both which was vindication, Speaking of vindication:

Okay, I really went off track and hardly said what I wanted to say. I got carried away with gifs. I think I said what I wanted to say? Right now my brain is still mushie.

To finalize: I was content with the end. Zack and Ivy joining ACME as Carmen has some time to go truly find herself was an interesting idea. The 2 year time jump at the end left a few holes but hey, I’ll take it. Shadowsan returning to his brother was so nice to see, and Player all alone in the restaurant kinda broke my heart. The entire storyline with Chase and Julia was absolutely, revolutionary. It was what we deserved, what they deserved.

I think my love for Chase really made me live for the scenes and moments we got of him alone and interacting with others. Season 3-4 really were his crowning glory. I'm proud of him.

Also, I want to mention the Zack/Turtle scene because I nearly died when I saw it the way the turtle wiggles and the way he rUNS I- okay goodbye.

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || Looking After You [TW] [Request]

A/N: I put this as [TW] as I know some of the themes of not eating can be trigger to some people so please be warned about that. I love you guys xx [BTS X GenderNeutral!Reader] 

Seokjin:

It didn't take Jin forever to catch on to the fact that you hadn’t been eating great again, he'd been busy with comeback season he hadn't been home to cook and you didn't want to cook if it was only going to be you eating everything. You were living off soup and crackers and that was the only meal you would have,

"What did you have for breakfast?" Jin questioned when he came home earlier than expected that night. You shrugged your shoulders not being able to remember the last time that you'd even had breakfast,

"I think I just had soup at dinner," You said before going back to folding up laundry, Jin stared at you. He really stared at you trying to tell if you were losing weight or if it was just him and he sighed,

"I'm cooking tonight." You watched him as he then began hunting around the kitchen for everything he would need to make dinner for you both. It wasn't that big a deal, you just didn't see the point in cooking yourself a huge meal for only you to eat it, if Jin was home more often you would have done it but hed hardly been home in weeks.

"I'll make your favourites okay?" He asked it wasn't a question though. He was telling you what he was going to make and you were going to have to accept it so you hummed and went into the kitchen to help him cook.

"No, no, you go and finish the laundry and find us something to watch. I will cook." He kissed your head and sent you out of his kitchen so that he could work peacefully. He loved looking after you and being able to cook for you he just wished it was under different circumstances, where he would just randomly cook for you instead of feeling like he was forcing you or reminding you to eat. He made a mental note to himself to start taking a homemade lunch to work so he could leave you something to eat during the day.

Yoongi:

Yoongi felt terrible that had hadn't even been the one to notice that you weren't sleeping, he'd been so busy with work that he'd been sleeping at the studio most nights while you were at home. He assumed you'd be sleeping, you had troubles with sleep in the past and he knew that he just thought you'd gotten over it and he'd been so busy he hadn't noticed but when Namjoon came to tell him that he'd gone to see you that morning and you were passed out asleep in the kitchen Yoongi knew there was a problem. He rushed home to go and see you forgetting everything at work because nothing was more important to him than you were.

"Baby? You okay?" He questioned when he walked into the living room, you were sitting on the sofa with your chin in your hand struggling to keep your eyes open as you stared at the TV. You wanted to sleep and you needed to sleep but it was as if when you finally got ready to sleep your body hit you with a burst of energy and you couldn't.

"Sleepy." You mumbled before getting up from the sofa and rushing into the living room when you heard the alarm going off, he watched you closely wondering what you were doing when he heard a scream and a pan clutter against the floor.

"Babe!" He yelled coming into the kitchen to see you holding your hand as you tried not to cry, he could already see that your hand was starting to bleed a little from the hot pan you'd touched without a towel,

"Tap," He yelled, he was panicking a little as you started to let out tears of pain, he turned the cold tap on rushing you over to hold your hand under the freezing cold water,

"What were you thinking?" He asked as he looked at the tray of food on the floor, it could be cleaned up later when your hand was taken care of.

"I- I had to cook so I was trying to make sure nothing got burnt." You let out a whine and he sighed, he hated seeing you like this. You hadn't been this bad in a long time,

"Why didn't you tell me you hadn't been sleeping well?" He questioned as he went over to the food and began cleaning it up, you shook your head telling him that it was no big deal and that you'd hardly noticed.

"Namjoon found you asleep with your head on the kitchen table, don't tell me you didn't notice." You had noticed but you didn't want to go to Yoongi, he was busy with his own problems and you didn't want to bother him with any more than you had to.

"Baby, you're not bothering me at all." He took a look at your hand, it would be fine once he applied some cream and wrapped it up,

"I'm going to wrap you up and then we're going to go upstairs and sleep, okay?" You nodded at him, he and you both knew you slept a thousand times better with him as your side.

Hoseok:

You could look after yourself but sometimes you would slip up, forget to eat sometimes because you were so busy with work or you wouldn't go to sleep because something was due in with your boss the next day. You didn't see it as a big deal since you'd lived your entire life like this but Hoseok saw it as a huge deal,  he saw it as you skipping your meals and not sleeping which could lead to bigger problems. You could start falling asleep at work, on the drive to work or even worse passing out due to the lack of food in your system. He wanted to talk to you about it before it got any worse,

"Babe?" You jumped when you heard his voice coming from behind you, you didn't even know he was home yet.

"Sorry, I thought you heard me." He chuckled seeing the shocked expression on your face, you were almost as jumpy as he was when it came to people sneaking up behind you like that.

"It's fine, do you want something to eat?" You questioned going back down to the papers you were holding and he shook his head, taking them from you slowly.

"I wanted to talk to you about something, this actually." He said as he gestured to the papers you were staring at in his hands.

"It's my report for this week's interns, my boss wants me to file them tonight so I have to-" You stopped when you saw the pained expression on his face,

"You've barely eaten and you haven't slept all week as far as I've seen," You scoffed at how he was overreacting,

"I've slept-"

"How much?" You knew it wasn't the average amount of sleep someone should be getting but you'd been busy, you were getting enough to keep yourself stable in the day but you knew that answer was only going to upset him more.

"Hobi-"

"How much sleep are you getting a day?" He was standing his ground, you looked at the floor not knowing what to say without upsetting him and he sighed bringing you into a hug.

"We talked about this before-"

"I know, I just...I've been overworked and trying to stay on top of everything," You whispered but he just continued to hold you while you softly cried into his chest.

Namjoon:

"This is Namjoon speaking yes," Namjoon said down the phone as an unknown number called him,

"They what? Yeah, I'll be right there." He locked his phone and frantically began looking around his studio for some car keys,

"Namjoon what's going on?" Jungkook asked the leader, he'd never seen him look so scared before and it was starting to worry him.

"Y/n got into an accident, I have to go and get them from the hospital." He didn't have time to explain anything he just rushed out of the studio dropping the song he was working on for a later time, there were too many things rushing through his head right now.

"Namjoon. I'm fine." You groaned as he looked at the cast that was on your arm, he stared at you like you were insane.

"You could have left me at home." You mumbled as you laid on the sofa of his studio. He'd gone to the hospital, got you and took you straight to the studio so he could keep an eye on you.

"So you could neglect sleep again? I don't think so, go to sleep now." You rolled your eyes at him, you hadn't slept in two days and everyone was treating you like it was a huge deal.

"You fell asleep at the wheel, you could have hurt yourself or someone else." What he was forgetting was that the car accident wasn't even your fault, you were in a parking lot and someone went into the back of you breaking your arm when the airbag went off. The man was doing 40 mph in a parking lot what did he think was going to happen, you were lucky your handbrake was on and you hadn't turned on the engine or it could have been worse.

"I wasn't even driving, the engine wasn't on-"

"No excuses, what if you had been driving?" You knew he was right and the cast on your arm was a painful reminder of that. You stared down at the cast and then over at Namjoon. You could tell that what had happened was stressing him out so you laid down on the sofa and pulled one of his blankets over your body.

"Just don't do it again, you scared me." He whispered coming over to you and giving you a kiss on the head.

Jimin:

Jimin walked into the house at 4 in the morning to see you sitting in the living room covered in paint and standing in front of a giant canvas in front of you. You were oblivious to the world as you painted away your feelings with your earphones in, he knew that you were behind in your class but he didn't come home and expect you to be painting at 4 in the morning when he'd left at 6 am the previous morning and you were in the same position.

"Baby?" He called out walking behind you and pulling the earphone out from you ear, you looked shocking and he meant it in the nicest way he could. You didn't look like you'd slept for two days, you were covered in paint, different types by the looks of it and you were staring at him.

"What's up?" You were completely blind to what time it was, you figured it would just be a late-night instead of early morning.

"What's up?! It's 4 am why are you awake?" You frowned looking down at the time before yelling that you were late, you'd spent all week working on this painting for it to be late anyway?!

"Shit Jimin, I'm going to fail! It was due four hours ago!" You cried out finally letting the exhaustion take over your body. Tears rushed down your face as you tried to call your professor and beg to be able to get it handed in late but there was no answer,

"Fuck!" You whimpered looking at the painting which wasn't even finished yet anyway, you still had to add some finishing touches to it and yet you were behind.

"Babe! Relax!" Jimin said holding you in place as you frantically tried to call your professor but it was going straight to voicemail, he took the phone from your hands and threw it onto the sofa.

"I need to call her Jimin if this is-"

"Relax, look at me and breath. When was the last time you went to sleep?" He was searching your eyes as you panicked looking around the room trying to remember,

"I...I can't remember." You stuttered out and he sighed sinking down onto the floor with you in his arms,

"We need to get you some sleep, we'll call your professor in the morning and explain everything but you have to sleep."

"I need a bath-"

"In the morning, I'll change the sheets okay. Bed. Now." His tone was laced with authority and you knew he meant what he was saying so you followed him towards the staircase.

Taehyung:

Taehyung had hardly seen you that week, whenever he was getting in from the studio you'd already left to go to work, then whenever you got home he was going to the studio. Two ships passing in the night, but you made it work. You'd text one another to let the other know what was going on in their day or night and were planning a date night but something was off. Whenever Taehyung would come home to sleep off his day at the studio it hadn't looked like you'd slept in the bed at all, at first he figured it was just because you made it but then he began to notice how stressed you were in your texts. He took the day off work that day to surprise you but when he expected you to come home that you didn't, you were late in.

"Taehyung? What are you doing here?" You asked sleepily as you dropped a stack of papers onto the coffee table in your living room, he stared at it and then at you. It only confirmed what he'd thought, you hadn't been sleeping much.

"I took the day off, you're late home." He was trying to make himself seem calm about the stacks of paperwork you had to do,

"I was trying to get through that, a cleaner came by and told me they were locking up. I'm going to get on with it before I go to sleep," You told Taehyung as you nodded at the papers,

"No. You're going to come up to bed and sleep," He frowned not wanting you to make yourself any more tired than you were.

"It's due tomorrow Tae-"

"That's insane, where are the other employees?"

"Fucking the boss so they don't get shunned with paperwork." You yawned sitting down on the floor to work when he came over and knelt down in front of you,

"You're not going to get all of this done tonight. Come to bed," You shook your head at him explaining that if it wasn't done he could fire you,

"Then we'll sue him for dumping all of the work on you when there are other people who are quite capable." You knew he was right and you sighed not having the energy in you to fight him on anything right now,

"Sleep." You whispered happily as he helped you up from the floor and carried you in the direction of the stairs.

Jungkook:

When Jungkook was away on tour you slipped a little, turning to live on Ramen noodles instead of proper meals because you didn't see the point in making a large meal for one person and the rest to go to waste. Plus, Ramen was great and it was quick and easy for you to do while you were on the move for work which had you rushed off your feet since they began letting people go. You told Jungkook everything was fine and he had nothing to worry about which was one of the biggest lies you'd ever told him in your relationship, everything was not fine. The apartment was a mess and you were starting to get sick due to the lack of vitamins, proteins and everything else you needed from food to keep you running properly. The front door to your apartment opened and Jungkook dropped his bag on the floor seeing clothes everywhere, he was shocked to see the apartment in worse shape than the dorms used to be in. He called out for you but realised you must have been at work, he started cleaning up the house as a nice surprise for you when he found the ramen packets in the bin he knew instantly you'd lied to him about being fine.

You hadn't even noticed Jungkook's car in the driveway, you were too tired from work and too sick to car. It wasn't until you walked into the house and smelt food cooking that it hit you that you weren't alone,

"Kookie?" You whispered seenig him in the kitchen, he took one look at you and you knew you were in trouble. He had the same look of disappointment that he got whenever you were in trouble with him.

"You told me everything was fine, that you were okay!" You sighed as he started yelling and he relaxed knowing it was the last thing you needed right now,

"I ran you a  bubble bath, add some more hot water. By the time you're done food will be ready," You thanked him for what he was doing and he took his head at you promising it was what boyfriends did.

"Go and get in the tub, please." You kissed him before heading in the direction of the bathroom wondering what you did to get such an amazing and caring boyfriend all to yourself.

Tagline:

 @writingdreamsnottragedies @snowy-meowl @jooniesdarlingdimples @lyoongx @mitzwinchester​ @fan-ati--c​ @callingmyangel​ @rjsmochii​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​  @innersooya​

[noona-clock]

What’s Your Sign?: Scorpio

Genre: Ski Resort!AU

Pairing: T.O.P/Seunghyun x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol

Words: 6,408

Author’s Note: Since I’m so fascinated by astrology, I decided to do a Zodiac series! I will be writing a one-shot fic for each sign featuring different members from different groups (and even an actor!). Each story will be posted on the 5th of the month during that sign’s season. Please reblog, comment, or send in an ask with your feedback! Thank you for your support 💜

Skiing wasn’t really your thing.

Like... at all.

You’d never actually tried it, but you were basically the opposite of athletic, and the idea of hurtling down a mountain -- a slippery, snowy mountain -- on two thin pieces of wood was just... not something that tempted you whatsoever.

The idea of sitting in a cozy cabin with a warm blanket and a roaring fire and a steaming mug of hot chocolate, however... that picture was infinitely more appealing. So, when two of your very best friends invited you to spend a few days in a ski chalet they’d rented with their boyfriend and girlfriend, respectively, you agreed to tag along (even though being a fifth wheel was also something that didn’t tempt you).

This year had been pretty rough for you personally, though, so a vacation in a wintry paradise would do wonders for your mental health. Plus, your friends and their significant others did like skiing, so you would most likely be alone for a good majority of the day, free to snuggle up on the couch and drink as much hot chocolate as your heart desired.

But then one of your best friends, Cindy, told you that her boyfriend, Jiyong, was bringing his best friend, Seunghyun, along.

So... yay because you wouldn’t be the only fifth wheel, but also yikes because Seunghyun was super scary and you didn’t like him.

Okay, no, that isn’t entirely true.

You were just incredibly intimidated by him and were too shy to ever talk to him directly because, as mentioned, he was super scary. He cut a pretty imposing figure, his resting facial expression was quite serious, and he had a really deep voice that was just...

Scary.

And you were almost completely positive that he hated you.

So, yeah. As soon as Cindy told you he was coming, you were extremely tempted to chicken out and stay home.

“Oh, come on,” Cindy urged as she opened her trunk and reached for your suitcase -- because, yes, she had waited that long to tell you about the sixth guest on this trip. No doubt she knew you would want to back out as soon as you heard Seunghyun would be there, so she had told you at the last possible minute to prevent you from doing just that. “He’ll probably just come skiing with us, so you’ll barely see him!”

“Cindy!” you whined, resisting the urge to stamp your foot like a petulant child. “He totally hates me! Does he even know I’m going to be there?!”

“Yes, I’m sure he does.”

“So, you don’t know for sure that he does,” you retorted.

“I’m sure Jiyong told him you were coming when he invited him!”

“But you weren’t there when he did?”

“Y/N, get in the car,” Cindy ordered with pursed lips and a tone of pure irritation. “You already said you were coming, you paid for your share of the cabin, I bought two boxes of your favorite hot chocolate -- you are getting in this car.”

While Cindy was definitely not as intimidating and scary as Seunghyun, her ‘I mean business’ tone was still scary enough to make you open the passenger-side door and slide into the seat with very little hesitation.

Cindy thanked you sweetly when she got into the driver’s seat next to you after stowing your bag in the trunk, and then she pulled away from your apartment to go and pick up Liah and her girlfriend, Renee. The four of you would be driving up to this cabin together while, apparently, Jiyong and Seunghyun would drive themselves and meet you there.

As soon as Cindy got out of the car at Liah and Renee’s house and closed her door behind her, you heard Liah’s muffled voice ask, “Did you tell her?”

You immediately glowered at them through your window, and when Renee got into the seat behind you, you turned around to look at her.

“Was that really the plan all along? To not tell me that he was coming until the last minute when I had no choice but to still go?”

A smirk tugged at Renee’s lips, and you knew the answer immediately.

It really had been the plan all along. Your two best friends were way more scheming and conniving than you would’ve guessed.

“It’ll be fine,” Renee insisted in that smooth, calming voice of hers -- the kind of voice that actually made you believe her when she said ‘it’ll be fine.’ “It’s not like you’ll have to share a room with him.”

Even though she was right in assuming you absolutely would not want to share a room with him, the fact that she said it made you feel like you were being annoyingly juvenile about this.

I mean, you were an adult! Seunghyun scared you, and you would never even consider calling him a friend, but you were mature enough to be able to share a room with him if you had to!

...But you were glad you didn’t have to.

Instead of replying to her, you simply let out a soft sigh and turned back around, waiting for your two best friends to join you in the car so you could get going.

“I’m very proud of you, Y/N,” Liah announced as soon as she took her spot in the back seat. “I was fully expecting you to stay home once you found out.”

“Oh, come on!” you scoffed, your brow furrowing deeply as you whipped your head around to frown at her. “You don’t think I’m mature enough to handle being a little uncomfortable?”

“It’s not that you’re too immature to handle it,” Liah replied. “I absolutely think you’re mature enough to handle it. You just won’t like it handling it. Hate it, in fact.”

...And, of course, she was correct. Just because you would share a room with Seunghyun if you had to didn’t mean you would like it.

But you wouldn’t have to, so there was really no need to even think about it.

Thankfully, after Liah’s remark, the subject of your willingness to be around Jiyong’s scary best friend wasn’t brought up again. The four of you, instead, discussed the meals you would cook for each other (it had already been agreed upon that a different person would be responsible for dinner each night, and there were several full grocery bags in Cindy’s trunk at the moment), played a round and a half of the Alphabet game, and engaged in a heaping handful of sing-alongs.

You unconsciously kept an eye on Cindy’s GPS the entire time, watching as the hours until your arrival turned into minutes.

Why were you so anxious? Why was your heart starting to beat just a little bit faster with every minute passed?

I mean, probably just because you hated being in awkward situations, and you knew it would absolutely be awkward when you first got to the cabin. Basically, the greeting between you and Seunghyun would determine what it would be like for the two of you during the entire trip.

If he, for some reason, decided to be polite -- or even civil -- when he first saw you, then maybe you would be able to spend the next several days in some state of relaxation. But if he ignored and avoided you -- which was the most likely option -- then you would probably be walking on eggshells the whole time. Peering around every corner to make sure he wasn’t already in the room. Waiting until he left the cabin before setting up camp on the sofa for the day.

...Maybe you should’ve insisted on staying home. Because none of that sounded at all pleasant, and if a vacation was supposed to be one thing, it was supposed to be pleasant. You should be able to enjoy yourself! But if it was going to be awkward around Scary Seunghyun all the time, you weren’t going to enjoy yourself!

Ugh.

But it was definitely too late to back out now. The GPS was calculating your arrival in less than five minutes, and the time to ask Cindy to turn around and drive you home had long since passed. (Though, she wouldn’t have done it anyway, even if you’d begged her or pretended you were getting sick.)

Your stomach flipped over itself as Cindy slowed the car and pulled up to a fairly large, incredibly nice cabin, and it flipped yet again when you saw Jiyong’s car already parked in the driveway.

“Oh, wow,” Renee marveled as the car rolled to a stop behind Jiyong’s and Cindy cut the engine. “This looks fancy.”

“Listen,” Cindy began, her tone playfully defensive. “It’s not every day you get to take a nice vacation with basically every person you love. I wanted to go all out! I wanted it to be special.”

Your brow wrinkled slightly as you unbuckled your seat belt and opened your door, the snow crunching under your foot as you stepped outside. “Are you sure I paid enough for this?”

Judging by the price, you’d figured she’d picked out a quaint little cabin with bedrooms the size of a closet. You hadn’t minded that notion, of course. As long as you had a warm blanket for snuggling and a lamp for reading, you didn’t care how big your room was.

But this definitely wasn’t a quaint little cabin. It was a very nice house disguised as a cabin.

“Yes, you did,” Cindy assured you, though you didn’t believe her in the slightest. “Don’t worry! You’re going to love it. You especially, Y/N, since you’ll spend most of your time here.”

You opened your mouth to issue a rebuttal, but Cindy cut you off.

“Which I am not judging you for!” she assured you. “I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t think you would have a good time!”

You simply pursed your lips and headed back toward the trunk to retrieve your suitcase.

Once the other three girls had unloaded their luggage from the car, you lingered, slowly closing the trunk and allowing Cindy, Liah, and Renee to go into the cabin ahead of you. There was absolutely no way you were going to be the first to walk in since you knew Jiyong -- and Seunghyun -- were already there.

It was going to be uncomfortable enough seeing him for the first time; you certainly weren’t going to do anything to add to it.

So, you brought up the rear, carrying your grocery bags and suitcase in through the door and gently closing it behind you as you heard Cindy call out for her boyfriend.

Once you got inside, though, your eyes widened at just how nice this place was, and you very briefly -- very briefly -- forgot that you were not looking forward to seeing Scary Seunghyun.

But then you heard Jiyong’s voice calling out to Cindy, and when you shifted your gaze down the front hallway... There he was.

Okay, so, one thing you hadn’t let yourself think about since Cindy had told you Seunghyun would be here was that... he was actually really super handsome.

Like magnetically attractive.

Which was probably another reason why he scared you.

He was almost too attractive, y’know? Too attractive for his own good, and absolutely too attractive for you to be any sort of comfortable around him.

You averted your gaze as soon as you saw him, feeling your cheeks flush a little and your stomach flip a lot.

“How was the drive?” Jiyong asked as he took Cindy’s suitcase.

“Very uneventful,” she answered. “If you don’t count the sing-alongs.”

Jiyong chuckled a little and said, “Yeah, I’ve never been in a car with four girls before, but I bet it’s never boring.”

He began to lead everyone upstairs where, presumably, the bedrooms were, so you pushed the handle of your suitcase down to carry it rather than wheel it.

Just as you leaned down to take the side handle, though, you felt a presence suddenly appear at your side.

A rather imposing presence.

“Here,” Seunghyun mumbled in his incredibly deep and smooth voice. “I got it.”

“Oh --” you choked, the word getting stuck in your throat. You quickly cleared it and managed to murmur a “Thanks.”

He gestured for you to go up the stairs first, and by now, the rest of the group was already halfway up the staircase, so you hastily tiptoed up to join them.

“The two empty rooms are this one here,” Jiyong told you, nodding to the door closest to the stairs. “And that one down at the end of the hall. This closest one has a bigger bed, so...”

You quickly cut in and said, “So, Liah and Renee can take that one, and I’ll take the one down there.”

You had no need for a bigger bed, and it really didn’t matter where your room was located, so obviously, you would let your friends have it.

Seunghyun headed down the hall with your suitcase, and you avoided looking at Cindy as you hurried after him -- though you were extra careful not to get too close behind him.

“You’re a nicer person than me,” he muttered once the two of you had entered your bedroom for the next couple days. “I would’ve taken the other room.”

You frowned, your forehead wrinkling with confusion and distaste. “But I don’t need a bigger bed. There’s two of them and only one of me, so why would I --”

Seunghyun turned to look at you them, his lips pulled into a devilishly handsome smirk. “I’m just teasing.”

“...Oh.”

A low chuckle escaped his lips as he hefted your suitcase up on the bench at the foot of your bed, and -- thankfully -- he then turned to leave.

“Thanks again,” you forced yourself to blurt out, surprised to hear that your voice didn’t sound as awkward as you felt.

“Sure,” he mumbled with a nod. “And if you need anything, I’m right across the hall.”

Your eyes widened a little, and your gaze darted through your open door to the closed one just opposite. 

That was his room?

“I mean, I don’t know what I could possibly do that you can’t do yourself, but... Y’know. The sentiment still stands.”

You just nodded and let out a strangled hum.

Seunghyun chuckled again and left, closing your door behind him. Moments later, you heard the door across from you open and gently shut.

And then you deflated.

You just now realized how tense you’d been, though you really didn’t know why. Seunghyun had been very polite to you!

Nice, even!

And yet... there was still something about him that just...

You didn’t want to say he rubbed you the wrong way because that wasn’t entirely true.

He just...

He just...

He put you on edge for some reason. And it was probably because of the whole too attractive thing, but... I don’t know. He just scared you, okay?!

But seeing him and interacting with him for the first time on this trip hadn’t gone nearly as badly as you’d anticipated, so hopefully that meant you could enjoy your vacation with the least amount of awkwardness possible.

Hopefully.

After the first evening and first full day of the trip, you realized just how dramatic you’d been about the Seunghyun situation.

It almost made you laugh now to think how you’d worried about it, imagining yourself tiptoeing around the cabin, peering around corners to make sure you wouldn’t be alone with him.

More than a bit ridiculous, really.

For one, it’s not like he was trying to make you feel awkward. He had no idea that you were so scared of and intimidated by him, and even if he did, he didn’t seem like the type to take advantage of it. He clearly didn’t mind teasing you, but you couldn’t imagine him purposely making you feel uncomfortable in his presence.

Plus, as Cindy has surmised, he had gone skiing with everyone else -- at least he had the first day, and according to the rest of the group, there was plenty to do around the resort.

So, you were pretty confident you’d get to spend the majority of your time here holed up in the cabin by yourself.

...You should’ve known better.

You had still been in bed when you’d heard the hustle and bustle of everyone leaving for another day on the slopes, and while you’d been slightly upset you hadn’t been down there to say good morning and good-bye to them, there hadn’t been anything you could do about it. You certainly weren’t going to run out in the snow in your pajamas just to see your friends off.

So, you’d simply splashed some water on your face and brushed your teeth in your en suite bathroom, stepped into your furry slippers and shuffled your way down to the kitchen for your usual morning cup of tea.

As soon as you turned the corner into the kitchen, though, you stopped suddenly, jumping a bit with startled surprise.

Seunghyun was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal.

But... hadn’t you already heard everyone leaving?

He glanced up at your arrival, nodding once to acknowledge your presence and then simply turning back to his breakfast.

You cleared your throat gently and slowly continued your route to the kitchen.

“I thought everyone left already?” you said in a quiet, timid voice.

“They did,” he mumbled in reply.

You pressed your lips together as you opened the cupboard to retrieve a mug, waiting for him to explain why he was still here.

But he didn’t.

Of course.

Why would he make things easier for you?

So, you quietly closed the cupboard door and asked, “You’re skipping today?”

“I don’t mind skiing,” he replied, and even though you weren’t looking at him, you could tell that he had shrugged while speaking. “But it’s not like I love it. And being a fifth wheel wasn’t the most fun, so... figured I’d stay here today.”

“Understandable,” you sighed. You could certainly relate to not wanting to be a fifth wheel. You loved your friends, and you were more than happy that they were both so happy in their relationships... but being around them all the time did tend to remind you that you were, in fact, single.

“What’d you do yesterday?” Seunghyun asked, and for some odd reason, his question made your spine tingle. Not in a creepy way, though. You weren’t sure what kind of way it was, but it wasn’t a creepy tingle.

“I just hung out here,” you shrugged, filling up the tea kettle with water before putting it on the stove to heat it up. “Did some reading. Took a walk. Drank some hot chocolate.”

Which brought you to a very curious question: What was Seunghyun going to do here?

But you didn’t have enough nerve at the moment to ask him. You hadn’t even had your first cup of caffeine yet!

“Is that what you normally do for fun?” he asked with a hint of amusement in his tone.

Even though, by now, you were used to people making fun of your more tame lifestyle, you still felt yourself getting defensive.

“Well, I don’t particularly find the idea of hurtling myself down a huge snowy mountain fun,” you retorted, busying yourself by opening the drawer next to the stove so you could pick out your tea bag.

“Well, no, me neither,” Seunghyun chuckled. “I would much prefer going to an art museum.”

Your brow furrowed instantly, but you resisted the urge to look over your shoulder at him.

“Really?” you asked.

“Yes, really,” he laughed. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

“Because I am, I guess. I didn’t know you liked art.”

“Is there anything you do know about me?”

...He had a point.

“Well, is there anything you know about me?”

“You like tea.”

You did turn around then, though you found your slight annoyance had turned into slight amusement and the corners of your lips pulled into a tiny grin. “That’s cheating.”

“Is not.”

“I’m making tea right now. Of course I like tea. That’s like if I said one thing I know about you is that you like cereal.”

“Well, that is one thing you know about me. I do like cereal.”

“But that’s just inferring something based on an observation!” you chuckled. “That’s not knowing something. It’s an educated guess.”

Seunghyun raised his eyebrows at you, and that stupid smirk showed up on his lips again. That same devilishly handsome smirk, and it made you feel very strange.

“You’re fun at parties, aren’t you?” he murmured.

“I don’t go to parties,” you countered.

Seunghyun simply laughed quietly, shaking his head to himself and turning back to his cereal.

The kitchen was silent as you finished up making your tea, but you were quite surprised to realize it wasn’t an awkward silence. It’s just that neither of you said anything. You weren’t waiting on tenterhooks for him to say or do something. You were simply... making your tea.

Just as you finished pouring the boiling water into your mug, you heard the scrape of a chair across the floor.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he said in a soft, low voice. “Enjoy your day.”

“Thanks,” you replied, watching as he walked over to put his spoon and empty bowl in the dishwasher. “You, too.”

And then he went back upstairs. To do what? You had no idea.

But at least now you were able to drink your tea in peace.

...Except, as you sat down on the sofa in the adjoining living room, cradling the steaming mug in your hands, you found you couldn’t stop wondering what he was going to do all day. Would he stay in the house? If he left the house, where would he go? Down to the lodge? Would he ask you to go with him? If he did ask you, would you go with him?

Obviously, you didn’t know the answers to any of these questions.

But you did know that Seunghyun wasn’t quite as scary as he seemed. And you were fairly sure he didn’t hate you. At the very least, he was simply indifferent -- but indifference is much better than hate.

After spending the morning and early afternoon reading -- with a few breaks to sit outside on the cabin’s back porch to admire the scenery -- your stomach had let you know in no uncertain terms that it was getting to be lunchtime.

You set your book down on the coffee table in front of you, swung your legs over the side of the sofa, and stepped into your slippers. And as you shuffled your way over to the kitchen, you realized...

You hadn’t seen or heard from Seunghyun since breakfast.

You... had actually almost forgotten he hadn’t gone skiing with the rest of your group and was, presumably, still here.

If he’d left, he’d done it so stealthily that you hadn’t noticed.

Which honestly wouldn’t surprise you. He was definitely the type of person who could just all of a sudden be standing next to you and you had no idea how or when he got there.

In fact... you paused, in the middle of reaching for the refrigerator door, and carefully looked over your shoulder to see if maybe he had snuck up behind you.

But just as your gaze fell behind you, you heard the sound of soft, thudding footsteps coming down the stairs.

Phew.

You quickly opened the fridge and stared inside, though you were acutely aware of the fact he was walking toward the kitchen.

A few moments later, you heard his approaching footsteps pause, and your heart paused along with him.

“Oh, hey,” he greeted, his voice as low and deep as ever. “Lunchtime?”

You hummed positively, your heart stopping yet again when he came to stand beside you, leaning one hand against the door of the freezer right next to you.

“I... was just going to make a sandwich,” you said, hearing a slight nervous tremble in your voice. Why? You hadn’t a clue.

“What kind?”

“...Peanut butter and jelly?” you replied. “There’s literally nothing else except the food for dinner, so...”

“No, that sounds good, I’ll do that,” Seunghyun agreed, and he moved over to a cabinet to get out two plates.

...What was going on?

You... and Seunghyun... were going to... make PB&J sandwiches together?

I mean, at least he hadn’t asked you to make his for him. That was something -- definitely a credit to him.

But, still.

You never in your life would’ve thought you’d ever be standing next to Scary Seunghyun in a kitchen, making sandwiches for lunch.

But that’s exactly what you did.

You stood next to Scary Seunghyun in the kitchen, and you made a sandwich.

And then -- if you can believe it -- you ate it. Together. At the kitchen table.

It was basically silent the whole time, but in your opinion, that was better than awkward small talk.

But then, as soon as Seunghyun popped the last bite of his PB&J into his mouth, he pushed his chair away from the table and murmured, “All right, let’s do this.”

Your brow furrowed immediately.

...Do what?

“What?” you asked, your gaze following him as he headed back into the kitchen. “Do what?”

“I don’t know about you, but I need a drink,” Seunghyun replied as he began to search through the cabinets.

“A drink?” you asked with a chuckle of disbelief. “It’s not even one in the afternoon.”

He shrugged in response before letting out a soft aha and reaching in the cabinet he’d just opened, his hand returning with a bottle of wine.

He was actually doing it? Getting a drink? For real?

“I’m sorry, is my company that bad?” you asked, again, with a chuckle of disbelief.

Did he really have to drown out his discomfort from being around you with wine?

“No,” he answered, and the smirk in his voice was so apparent that he didn’t even need to turn around and show you he was actually smirking. “I just want a glass of wine. Or two. I’m on vacation!”

...Okay, well, when he put it that way.

If you couldn’t drink at one in the afternoon on vacation, when could you?

“You sure you don’t want some?”

You bit the inside of your cheek briefly before pushing your own chair away from the table and joining him in the kitchen.

“I will pass on your wine, but I am going to treat myself to...”

You trailed off as you reached around him and took out the bottle of peppermint vodka you’d brought.

“And you were judging me for drinking this early?” Seunghyun laughed. “I’m not the one breaking out the vodka!”

“It’s for peppermint hot chocolate!” you defended.

You weren’t typically one to drink hard liquor straight, but a couple of splashes of peppermint vodka in your hot chocolate? You wouldn’t say no!

“Okay, that’s a lot more believable,” he said as his amused grin transformed into a lopsided smile.

“Cindy got my favorite hot chocolate -- the absolute best kind there is. Do you... want to try?” you asked, trying your best to make it sound tempting.

Seunghyun’s forehead wrinkled as his gaze darted between his bottle of wine and your bottle of peppermint vodka.

“My hot chocolate is precious,” you added. “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I may never offer --”

“I’m in.”

He put his wine away and took the vodka from you, allowing you to retrieve two packets of hot chocolate and two mugs.

You were surprisingly... excited? And considering the thing you were excited about involved both Scary Seunghyun and consuming alcohol while the sun was still out, it was definitely surprising.

But, as you’d thought earlier, if you couldn’t do things like this on vacation then when could you?

After boiling some water, you artfully made two peppermint hot chocolates -- suitable for adults only, of course -- even opening the pack of candy peppermint sticks to use as both a stirrer and a garnish.

You and Seunghyun settled on the couch with your mugs, and as you curled your legs up and cozied up underneath a blanket, Seunghyun took his first sip.

You held your breath, waiting for his reaction.

There was absolutely no reason why you should want him to like the drink other than the fact that you had made it. But, still -- if he didn’t like it, it wouldn’t bother you in the least because you didn’t care about his opinion.

...Or so you told yourself.

Deep down, it had always slightly tormented you that you thought he hated you. Seunghyun was just one of those people who seemed so inherently cool without even trying, and the fact that he didn’t like you just... it was a little upsetting, okay? You would never admit it out loud, obviously, but it was upsetting!

On the outside, though, you still tried your hardest to give off the impression that you didn’t care about his opinion.

But when he raised his eyebrows and started nodding his head slowly, your heart did a little somersault inside your chest.

“Honestly, this isn’t half bad,” he murmured before taking another sip. “I’m not really a hot chocolate kinda guy, but... I would drink this again.”

You felt the corners of your lips tug up into a smile, but you did your best to suppress it so you wouldn’t let on just how happy and relieved you were that he liked it.

“I will take that as the highest of compliments,” you replied before lifting your mug to your lips and taking a sip yourself.

If someone had told you even just a couple of days ago that you would be willingly sitting on the couch with Seunghyun drinking your specialty peppermint hot chocolate... I mean, you definitely wouldn’t have believed them. And you certainly wouldn’t have believed them if they’d told you that you would’ve enjoyed yourself.

But... that’s exactly what happened.

The two of you sat on the couch together, drinking your specialty peppermint hot chocolate, talking about art and work and life... and you enjoyed yourself.

Seunghyun even opened one of his wine bottles after both of you had finished your hot chocolate, and although you weren’t one to have more than one drink at a time, you accepted.

He had been going on and on about how incredible his wine collection was, so you wanted to see what all the fuss was about!

Halfway through your glass, though, you knew it had been a mistake. You weren’t used to this much alcohol, and you’d always been a lightweight (hence the reason you usually didn’t have more than one drink at a time).

The thoughts that were crowding your brain began to make their way to your mouth.

Always a bad thing.

Always.

“Y’know,” you murmured as you gazed pensively at your glass. “I’ve always thought you hated me.”

“What?” Seunghyun replied with a low chuckle.

“But if you’re sharing your wine with me, that’s a good thing, right? You must not really hate me.”

When you shifted your gaze up and over to Seunghyun’s face, you saw his incredibly handsome features in an incredibly confused expression.

“Why did you think I hated you?” he asked quietly.

You shrugged. “Because. You never talked to me, and you’re so cool, and I’m so not. I just... thought you hated me.”

One corner of his lips tilted up into that smirk of his, and he said, “I always thought you hated me. You never talked to me, either, and you always acted like you didn’t even want to be in the same room as me.”

“Because I thought you hated me!” you laughed.

Seunghyun shook his head, and your heart began to beat just a little bit faster.

“I’m just...” you began, clearing your throat gently to get the words unstuck from your throat. “I’m just shy. And you’re very intimidating.”

“That’s funny because I was about to say the exact same thing.”

You jerked your head back in surprise. “Excuse me? I am the exact opposite of intimidating!”

“Now that I’m talking to you, I can see that,” he agreed. “But when you’re just standing or sitting somewhere quietly... I always thought twice about approaching you.”

“That’s probably just my Resting Bitch Face,” you nodded.

Seunghyun let out a low, deep laugh, and the sound of it made your stomach do flips.

“You... do kind of have Resting Bitch Face,” he agreed, though to his credit, he sounded guilty enough. “But... it’s still... a really nice face.”

You had just been about to take another sip of your wine, and you were now entirely glad you hadn’t. You absolutely would’ve choked and spit your wine out if you’d actually had the chance to take a drink.

...Because what on Earth had he just said?!

“I’m sorry, what?” you asked, your words slightly slurred and breathless.

“Your face,” he repeated. “Is really nice.”

You blinked at him.

For quite a long time, apparently, because Seunghyun let out a soft chuckle, and you jumped at the sudden sound.

“You’re beautiful, okay?” he said with a smirk. “You’re beautiful, and the only reason I came on this trip is because I knew you would be here.”

Your mouth fell open.

“I’ve wanted to get to know you for a while,” he continued. “But I always thought you hated me, so I figured this was the perfect chance to actually try and talk to you.”

Without really knowing what you were doing -- because the information you’d just learned was completely doing your head in, and you didn’t really know anything at the moment -- you leaned over and set your wine glass down on the coffee table. And then you turned to look at Seunghyun more directly.

“Are you serious?” you asked, narrowing your eyes a bit suspiciously at him.

He simply nodded and let out a positive hum.

“You... came on this trip because of me?”

He nodded again.

You frowned, the corners of your mouth curving downward deeply as you stared at him.

And then, after a few moments of silence, you felt the word vomit coming up.

There was no way you would’ve said any of this normally, but the alcohol currently in your system and the fact Seunghyun has just said all of that had, apparently, done wonders to ease your mind and loosen your lips.

“I always thought you hated me, and to be honest, I didn’t want to come when I heard you would be here because I thought you hated me. But, like, I’ve always known objectively that you were really attractive and good-looking, but you’re just so mysterious and scary. I even called you Scary Seunghyun because of how intimidating --”

Seunghyun leaned in -- so quickly you didn’t see it coming -- and cut you off by capturing your lips in a kiss.

Unsurprisingly, you let out a soft, startled squeal.

But... the kiss was already so magnetic and overwhelming that it didn’t take long for you to melt into it, accepting his lips against yours and returning his passion.

Your head began to spin, your heart was racing, your stomach had jumped up into your throat, and even though the kiss had been going on for less than ten seconds, you felt your lungs start to burn.

When Seunghyun pulled away, you let out a soft but deep exhale, and he chuckled quietly as he brought up a hand to tuck some hair behind your ear.

Despite the fact that you were feeling incredibly shy right now, you forced your gaze on him, looking him in his deep brown eyes.

“Did... that just happen?” you whispered.

He nodded, now cradling your cheek in his palm. “And it can happen again if you want.”

Oh, you absolutely did want.

But... your conscience was tapping on your shoulder. Incessantly.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea... We’ve been drinking, and --”

Seunghyun, again, cut you off. But this time with a laugh instead of a kiss.

“I’m not even close to being remotely tipsy,” he assured you. And then his lips morphed into a smirk. “Wait, are -- are you?”

“I’m a lightweight!” you retorted defensively.

Seunghyun leaned back a little, letting his hand fall from your face.

Your cheek felt cold now, and you almost immediately reached out to take his hand and put it back on there.

“I’m not drunk,” you added. “But I definitely probably wouldn’t have said any of that if I didn’t have some alcohol in me.”

“So, you’re saying if I had gotten you drunk earlier --”

“I’m not drunk!” you insisted, tamping down an amused grin. “But also... if you had just said something earlier, I may have... I can understand why you didn’t, though.”

“For the same reason you never said anything.”

“So... why now?” you asked, your voice just barely above a whisper as Seunghyun’s thumb gently caressed your cheek.

He searched your face for a moment before lifting his shoulders into a shrug. “Guess it was the alcohol.”

You rolled your eyes playfully... and then you leaned in for another kiss.

It was weird -- beyond weird -- to be kissing Seunghyun.

Scary Seunghyun. The guy you’d avoided for so long because you’d thought he’d hated you.

But as weird as it was... it was also nice.

Very, very nice.

“Does this mean you’re going to stay here with me every day? When everyone else goes skiing?” you asked, your lips still brushing over his as you spoke.

“That depends,” he murmured.

“On what?”

“Will you start making me lunch every day?”

“No.”

Seunghyun chuckled, his voice so soft and deep that it sent a tingle down your spine -- and this time, you could tell it was definitely a good tingle.

“Well, I’ll still stay with you. If you want me to,” he murmured.

And... you were kind of surprised but kind of not surprised that, despite all of your former misgivings and hesitation about him... you did want him to.

And that wasn’t the alcohol speaking.

OTHER SIGNS: ARIES, TAURUS, GEMINI, CANCER, LEO, VIRGO, LIBRA, SAGITTARIUS, CAPRICORN, AQUARIUS, PISCES

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

Wip Wednesday

Untitled Fic (Correspondence)

Summary/Story so far: HotchReid, slow burn, AU where Reid never joined the FBI, but got roped into consulting for the LA field office while working and teaching at Caltech. Hotch gets his email from a fellow agent, and they start to work on cases together – until they start talking on a regular basis. Regular becomes frequent, frequent becomes constant. This goes on for months, their tentative friendship turning to flirtatious virtual dates, and now that Hotch knows how old Spencer actually is the barriers just continue to break down one by one. The next escalation? Stepping up from text messages... to a phone call. But it isn’t planned, or how either imagined it would be. In fact, it all begins because of a case...

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

(Set in late season 6/early season 7, unbeta’d, first draft)

(Without getting into spoilers I’m going to skim over the how and the why of Hotch knowing Spencer’s age now, just know it happens. It had to at some point, right? But they both still don’t know what the other looks like, or even heard each other speak... until now.)

-

Spencer doesn’t even see the caller ID flash across his phone screen. He's too busy with the security work he’s been buried in all morning. A project that the Attorney General sent to their department, specifically, and yet Spencer always gets roped into completing it on his own. Because ‘you can finish it faster than all of us combined, have at it tiger’, and while he may have the Ph.D.’s and titles to back up his academic positions, he’s still the newest and youngest member on the board. Seniority trumps intellect, yet again. He hates bureaucracy with a passion. But Spencer doesn’t even bother to look down at his phone when it rings, just reaches over for it blindly with a half-suffering sigh. Phone calls are always consultations, or requests from other universities, or students and faculty calling in for favors, or something else that isn’t as important to him whatsoever.

Not like Hotch is.

But Hotch is always a text. Spencer knows that text tone, his heart skips when it chimes, his ear is trained for it now. This morning, however, that’s not what happens. His phone rings, and he answers like he always does during office hours. Not even looking up from his work as he puts his phone to his ear.

“This is Dr. Reid.” 

There’s a heavy pause on the line, and Spencer is in the middle of writing out an equation that takes up half a page of his notebook. Too busy to notice it right away.

“... Dr. Reid, this is SSA Hot--” the man stops, clears his throat, voice pitching even lower in an attempt to quiet the conversation. Wherever he is at. “... it’s Hotch.” 

Spencer’s heart literally stops in his chest.

The deep bass, reverberating tones, ring in his ears like church bells and he doesn’t quite comprehend what is happening even as his mind whirls. Stalled, like a car engine that is being revved uselessly, to no avail. 

There’s no way…

“H-Hotch?” 

If he was in his right mind whatsoever, instead of stunned speechless, Spencer would have winced at the breathless sound he just let out.

“I didn’t -- I’m sorry, this wasn’t how I wanted our first phone conversation to go,” Hotch says, his voice clear and concise and smooth as water flowing over river stones. Just as cool, somehow, and yet there’s warmth in the layers underneath. They weave their way in after he apologizes, earnestly, like a small dam breaking in his cadence. He truly was sorry that he had sprung himself on Spencer like this, bringing them into a new light. Another barrier broken between them. “But I need your help.”

That shakes Spencer out of his mild panic. His irrational worry about how he sounds on the phone -- how young he sounds on the phone, because it’s far too late to do anything about that, now -- or how his voice cracks when he answers the older man. Still partially in shock, mind racing to righten itself, somehow.

“R-Right. Yes, of course. You’re still on your case, in Wyoming?” It all comes out in a rush as Spencer closes his notebook and stands up from his desk in a shot, immediately pacing along one of his floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in his office. Free hand raking through his hair to ground himself.

“Yes, the geographical profile is too complex for us to decipher and we don’t have time to cycle it through digitally. There’s a snow storm up here, we have next to no service. I can’t even get text messages or email out… just phone calls. Emergency phone calls.” There’s an authority to Hotch’s voice that just feels like it fits him, and his job, and how Spencer remembers their first emails sounding -- it’s nothing like how they text, how they message each other at all hours of the night and make each other laugh on different sides of the country. He finds he likes it, though, finds it soothing in a way that calms his rattled nerves the more he speaks, and gets Spencer to focus on the task at hand. Hotch’s team is on a case, people are dead, a killer is on the loose. Hotch needs his help. “It also means we can’t access anything from the home office at Quantico, so we’re stuck up a creek at the moment.”

“I’m faster than a computer, anyway, have Ms. Garcia send it all over to me as soon as she can,” Spencer tells him, putting his phone between his ear and shoulder as he scoops up his laptop and races out of his office. Making a beeline towards the conference room where he’ll have more room to work. Spencer is already logging into his email and closing the door with his foot for privacy when he juggles his phone to his hand. “I’m putting you on speaker, but it’s just me in here. I can start when I have everything.” He drops his cell to the table and leans over it as he sets up, clearing off the work space as quick as his frantic hands allow. 

But something stops him. Spencer pauses in his shuffling of papers left over from that morning’s meetings as a thought sticks in the forefront of his mind. Entirely inappropriate, considering the circumstances, but… face flushed red and eyes darting to the phone -- Hotch’s name there above the call time duration -- Spencer licks his lips nervously and asks, anyway. 

“... am I on speaker there?”

“Not yet, I was about to switch you over.”

“Wait! I just --” he pauses, flushing further at his outburst, and he knows his words have gone a little breathless and high and he’s embarrassed by it all but... he has to say it. The development is too shocking, too out of their realm of influence. If and when they had planned on moving up from texts to phone calls, it wouldn’t have gone like this, or have had this much urgency. It’s still the first time Spencer has ever heard Hotch speak, and he can’t ignore how groundbreaking that is. What it’s changing between them, even as they work on a case that requires all their attention.

“-- I really like the sound of your voice,” he admits, his own words quieted because he knows this isn’t the time or the place. “The decibels are soothing, which is so fascinating to me and I’m sure there’s a science behind it, I’ll have to look it up later. And…it’s close to how I pictured you might sound… but better?” God, Spencer never stumbles over words like this and he clears his throat as he tries to righten his composure to something a little less… awestruck. Focus. They have a case. “Will you -- can we talk tonight, too? Please.” 

“Of course,” Hotch says quietly, assuringly, and his voice rumbles through the speaker on the table. Spencer feels it like a shockwave, from shaking breath to numb fingertips. He’s glad he’s leaning against the table, when it happens, because he goes a little lightheaded from it. “You’re… just as I expected.” And there’s a tone there that says it like praise, and Spencer’s heart feels light as air. “We’ll talk more about it later,” Hotch promises, and suddenly Spencer can hear a door opening on the other end of the line and a click of sound as the police station background noise filters through the conference room. “You’re on speaker with my team,” Hotch says, his voice a little bit further away, but not any less stronger for it. “This is Dr. Spencer Reid at CalTech, he’s going to finish the geographical profile for us.”

(tbc...)

[jesuisgourde]

gay/queer references in Peter’s journals

Again, I have probably missed stuff due to going through pretty quickly and also due to having stared at this document for so long, everything has kind of blurred together.

Sometime close to the day that Carlos & I watched 'Love And Death on Long Island' (and afterwards paraded through the tea rooms of Picadilly) we both filled in application forms and were tres excited to be invited to the same group 'interview' - twas more like an audition though. I got the part. Carlos never. This did not bring any animosity - we both know that success for either of us is magnified a million times if it is shared by us both.

from 'A Diamond Guitar' by Truman Capote "Except that they did not combine their bodies or think to do so, though such things were not unknown at the (Prison), they were as lovers. Of the seasons, spring is the most shattering: stalks thrusting through the earth's winter-stiffened crust, young leaves cracking out on old left-to-die branches, the falling asleep wind cruising through all the newborn green. And with Mr Schaeffer it was the same, a breaking up, a flexing of muscles that had hardened. It was late January. The friends were sitting on the steps of the sheep house, each with a cigarette in his hand. A moon thin and yellow as a piece of lemon rind curved above them, and under its light, threads of ground frost glistened like silver snail trails. Tico Feo had been drawn into himself - silent as a robber waiting in the shadows."

Then a meet with Bounds Green's African prince outside whitechapel tube, rugged lookies at I in military attire & to a ruptured Albion rooms tidied in hours and now lids drawn heated on the eyes. A young looking fella has a crush on me.

Jackie/Camillia/Marie/Kate/Chris/V. churchill Jackie/Evelina/Jasmine/Sachi/Dalston/Sussie Sandra/Carlene/FP/Jay/Dalston/Kraut

There sat a young black man, perhaps in his early or middle twenties. He looked for all the world like the archetypal rude boy. Clean, cheap reebok, nike, adidas variously rolled, laced & zipped about his lean, spreadeagled body that hung loosely about the waiting room chair. Gold & tattoos adorned his person, and a blank animal look was attached to his clear face. He sat before me in a row of four empty chairs, staring at polished floor or the mundane television. A balding white man minced in & all perceptions were suddenly proven to be false as they embraced and snuggled up to each other, giggling & whispering & touching each others noses.... very much in love, fingers crossed for the blood tests.

[Image: an article from Gay Times of an interview with Peter. For some reason, the portrait included alongside the article is of Carl wearing a grey and black t-shirt.] Name? Peter Doherty Age? 22 Where are you? I'm on the motorway just north of Southampton. What kind of day are you having? (Vaguely) Erm... quite misty. Something's waiting around the corner, but there are no corners on the motorway, so we'll just have to wait and see what lies ahead. Maybe something will happen tonight.... What's this we hear about you once being a rent boy? Well, when times are hard, duty calls. How long ago was it? When I was 19, about three years ago. How do we know this isn't just a Shaun Ryder-type lie? 'Cause if it was, it would make me a complete scumbag and I'm not, and I'm not interested in that kind of pantomime. It wasn't a very happy time. I didn't really enjoy it. Why did you give it up? (grimly) Well, certain people disappeared... and anyway, ultimately I found myself no longer in such a vulnerable position anymore. Dawn broke, and I realised that it was a beautiful world after all. Have you done any other dodgy jobs? All of us in the band have tried to deal, but it's not good if you like the drugs too much. You just end up using them yourself! I once was a gravedigger. I used to do it with my mate in Willesden Green cemetery. We didn't actually do the digging, a machine did that, but we used to have to fill them in. It was pretty grim work. So are you gay then? Love is love, wherever it comes from. I'm not anything, really. I am a very sexual person but... I dunno, I believe in liberty... The Marquis de Sade has a lot to answer for... Do you get a lot of gay fans? Yeah - well, there's one guy in particular. He's very shy and he follows us around. He brings in letters and cards and stuff, but he's very quiet. I think John (the bassist) is the main pulling power in the band. Are you jealous about that? Nah! I've known him too long.

You know I'm alright i dont even care i like it when they stare & stare call me queer, dear oh dear a million things & what I wear He's real hard when he's with his mates but I'll saw him again & he was too late

Dear NME I'd have thought after the Gay Times piece, the interview with Rapture fanzine & our recent gig at the Slum Club everything would be clear. No it still remains to give a big hearty fuck off to all these twisted suburban types calling me a liar. Vulnerable young men & women all over the world find themselves victims of circumstance.

she was dressed in suit & tie & lightly etched-on moustache. 'I've always wanted to kiss a bird in the back of a taxi.' she says, running her hand up the fishnet ladders of my thigh. Stepping onto the front line in Bow puddles, elevators, buzzing doors,

[Image: the original page in the book has been preserved. Two paragraphs have been boxed off with biro. They read:] “...cast Richard Burton and Rex Harrison as bickering queer barbers and then much more uncompromisingly in William Friedkin's adaptation of The Boys in the Band (1970), which introduced some of the plainer four letter words in the English language to the screen for the first time. 'Who,' asks Cliff Gorman, in his brilliant portrayal of the most effeminate of the homosexual group as they gather for a soul-searching party, 'Who do you have to fuck to get a drink around here?' Other homosexual manifestations to occur in movies around this time included an elliptical but unmistakeable male fellatio scene in John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy (1969) when Jon Voight, as a broke and disillusioned Texas stud importunes in a New York cinema....”

[Image, top left: a blurry photo of John onstage, playing bass. Image, top right, sideways: a photo of the band onstage. Carl and John are on the left, sharing a mic. Peter is on the right, playing guitar and singing into his own mic. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his bottom half from the chest down is visible. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his top half from shoulders up is visible. Image, bottom left: a torn fragment of a photo. What looks like a denim-clad knee and a yellow carrier bag are visible. Image, bottom middle: a photo of someone's knee in torn jeans, taken from under a table. Image, bottom right: a torn photo of Carl in a black sleeveless shirt, posing with his fingers in his mouth.] [A paragraph from the original page of the book has been left exposed and boxed off with black biro. It reads:] “The Boys in the Band was displaced by an immeasurably more powerful portrayal of homosexual groups, Fortune and Men's Eyes (1971). Set in a Quebec prison, this disturbing, factually based drama vividly recounted the corrupted of a heterosexual convict trapped in a tough, potentially vicious homosexual society. In one horrifying scene, a weak, put-upon prisoner is gang-banged by his fellow inmates; in another, the 'hero' is blackmailed by his cellmate into accepting him as his lover for the duration...”

Like a cat on a hot tin roof Like a macho man in a roomful of poofs I have tried in my way to be free.

[Written in Peter's handwriting] Jerome... is that how it's spelt? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes it is [Written in Peter's handwriting] Can I read you something? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes please.....

I insist, new book of Albion, befuddled by drugs I may yes about 2 but I do not miss out entirely on the subtleties of the inhuman relation ships that are this the mainstay of my stay here in one bounce of a loaf. Boys are fooled into fooling with boys. [...]

More general references/some extra explanations:

“The boy looked at Johnny” is a line from Patti Smith's song “Horses,” part one of a three-part song called “Land.” In the song, a young man named Johnny is assaulted by another man in a locker room; he then mentally journeys to other fantastical lands and visions. A lot of people interpret it as being about gay sex, although some people interpret it as being about a stabbing.

Peter quotes and references Jean Genet's writing and works about Jean Genet many times. While Genet's works are nearly all about crime and prison (one of Peter's main interests and points of fascination), all of his works are very explicitly gay. The Thief's Journal is more about Genet's various lovers than it is about his criminal history. Our Lady Of The Flowers is about a drag queen and her criminal lovers, and is also extremely erotic.

(“Jerome” is Jerome Alexandre, vocalist of The Deadcuts, who was friends with Peter and Mark Keds.)

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph!! I was wondering if you knew of any really long fics (like 25k or more) that are only one chapter, I travel a lot sometimes and some places don't really have good enough internet for multi chapter fics. So yeah, any really long one chapter fics about John and Sherlock would be appreciated. Thank you!

Hey Nonny!!

LOL OKAY FUNNY STORY. I almost replied to this with “oof I’ll have to read EVERYTHING so I’m sorry.... and then... I remembered.......

I put chapter counts on everything 🙃😐 

I’m not the brightest crayon in the box. 🖍 

Anyway, so yes, I can definitely rec you some fics! BUT I should also offer you two suggestions you can totally do to read ANY fic!

On Ao3, you can click on the “Entire Work” button to load ALL chapters of a fic (it’s the very first button along the top) and in turn you can then just read it all there! 

And the very last button along the top, you can Download copies of the fic to your phone or computer with eBook file types (AZw3 for Kindle, ePub for iPhone’s Books app, and MOBI is for other mobile devices and e-readers), the HTML if you want to read it as-is in a web-browser, or the PDF format which is a universal file format that is supported by everything, even web browsers, so it’s a good one to download if you don’t know what format you need :) If you read on an eReader, though, I can’t recommend enough just downloading the format for your device. You get to keep a copy of the fic AND the eReader keeps it nicely formatted. It’s a BRILLIANT, BEAUTIFUL feature that Ao3 gave us, because I like downloading all my fics and read them later in iBooks. Once you start that, Nonny, you can’t do it any other way. AND at the VERY END of the fics, it links BACK to the original post so you can bookmark, kudos, and comment on it!! <3

So yeah, two options you can do to solve your poopy internet and still read long fics hee hee! <3

ANYWAY EXCUSE FOR A NEW LIST LOL. 

ALSO, side note, check out @silentauroriamthereal; a large chunk of her fics are both long AND one chapter, so it’s a good place to go and she’s a brilliant author so I don’t think you’ll be disappointed! <3 Plus a lot of her fics are on this list, so I am sorry hahah.

AND I wanted to make the list a bit longer than I had, so I picked fics over 20K, if that’s alright :) As always, if you wrote a 20k+ single chapter fic, let us know!

SINGLE CHAPTER FICS OVER 20K WORDS

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w., 1 Ch. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John, Past Abuse, Insecure John, Reassuring / Caring Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Understanding Sherlock) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.

The White Lotuses by SilentAuror (E, 20,340 w., 1 Ch. || Slow Burn, Domestic, Romance) – One day John realises that he just isn't where he belongs, which is back at Baker Street with Sherlock. So he goes back and Sherlock, in his own way, courts him. Romance.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

You're On the Air by prettysailorsoldier (M, 20,616 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock, Matchmaking, Radio, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Flirting, Bisexual John) – The Consulting Detective and The Woman dominate the airwaves of their university radio station, doling out advice on everything from meeting the parents to sexual positions. When their ratings start to dip before the holidays, however, manager Mike thinks it's time for some fresh blood, and who better to fill in the gaps than rugby captain--and notorious flirt--John Watson? Part 1 of 25 Days of Johnlock

whiskies neat by Ellipsical (E, 20,660 w., 15 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, POV Second Person Sherlock, Slow Burn, One Night Stand, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Anal, Soldier John, Crying, Emotional Lovemaking, Switchlock) – Home and hearth and whiskies neat, or, alternatively, Sherlock Holmes falls in love.

Achieving the Together-Coloured Instant by teahigh (E, 20,776 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel, PTSD, Codependency, Fluff & Angst, H/C, Smut, Demisexual Sherlock, Experiments) – John wonders if this is how it’s going to be: A life speaking in code, because they’re both too stupid to figure out how to say, “I love you.”

Winter's Delights by Kate_Lear (E, 21,173 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Christmas, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Bed Sharing, Domestics) – Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family. Part 1 of Winter's Delights

Love Is by SilentAuror (E, 21,508 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, UST / URT, Post HLV, Romance) – At Mrs Hudson’s urging, Sherlock finally decides to tell John how he feels about him. Part 1 of Love Is

echoes through time by chellefic (E, 21,619 w., 1 Ch. || First Time, Romance, ACD & BBC, Epistolary) – Mummy sends a trunk from the Holmes cottage in Sussex to 221B. Its contents alter the way John and Sherlock see themselves and one another.

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

Sonatina in G Minor by SilentAuror (E, 22,574 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, POV Sherlock, Angst, UST, Sherlock’s Violin, Post-S3, Romance) – John has come back to Baker Street, but Sherlock doesn't understand the strange tension between them, even after he begins teaching John to play the violin at John's request.

The Kepler Problem by kinklock (E, 24,270 w., 1 Ch. || Sci-Fi AU, Alien Sherlock, Space Repairman John, Alien Biology, Horny John) – Working in uncharted space exploration was not as exciting as John had hoped, especially when it turned out to be mostly bot maintenance on uninhabited planets. However, the mystery of the repeated, unexplained malfunctions on planet BAK 2212 might turn out to be exactly the kind of adventure he'd been craving.

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w., 1 Ch. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Past Abuse) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.

The Wisteria Tree by SilentAuror (E, 29,773 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Emotional Love Making, Amnesia/Memory Loss, Sherlock Loves John So Much, Sherlock POV, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, First Times, Hurt/Comfort, Est. Rel., Retirement) – Sherlock wakes up from a month-long coma only to discover that he has no memory of the previous six years to his own shock as well as John's...

Shallow Grave by SilentAuror (E, 31,672 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Angst, HLV Fix It, Infidelity, Pining Sherlock, First Person POV Sherlock) – Starts as Sherlock's plane is taking off at the end of His Last Vow. When he finds out that Moriarty is alive and that he's being recalled from his mission, Sherlock decides that he should have told John how he felt before he left. So he walks off the plane and kisses him.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Magical Realism || John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It's a lot less cracky than you're probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

The Whore of Babylon Was a Perfectly Nice Girl by out_there (E, 32,897 w., 1 Ch. || Past Drug Use, Blowjobs, Toplock, Mentions of Switching, Rough Sex, Background Cases, Sherlock’s Past, Sherlock’s Sexual History, Experienced Sherlock, Past One Night Stands, Fingering, Cuddling, Possessive Sherlock, Paris Holiday, Bed Sharing, Naked Lie-Ins, Bathing Together, Confessions, Worried Sherlock, Laying in Bed All Day, Meddling Mycroft, Naked Lazy Day) – Sherlock walks into a room and takes all the space right out of it. He does the same inside John's head.

Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff and Angst, H/C, Post-TRF, Case Fic, Mild Gore, Sherlock Whump) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s 'Heart of Darkness', and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts' now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.

Bedtime Stories by Liketheriver (M, 34,388 w., 1 Ch. || Emotional H/C, Romance, Angst & Humour, Bed Sharing, John First Person, TRF, John Whump) – John's POV during Season 2 and beyond when Sherlock takes up semi-permanent residence in his bed. A collection of codas and missing scenes wrapped up into one long fic and topped with a bow that takes the story beyond Reichenbach and into happy territory once more. Part 1 of Bedtime Universe

The Yellow Poppies by SilentAuror (E, 34,952 w., 1 Ch. || H/C, Nightmares, HLV Fix-It, PTSD, Trauma, POV Sherlock, Doctor John) – Sherlock is threatened and assaulted in the hospital immediately after having been shot in the heart, first by Mary, then by Magnussen. As he recovers at Baker Street with John and plans the attack on Appledore with Mycroft, he fights to work through the trauma caused by these two visits. Set during His Last Vow.

The Unfinished Letters by SilentAuror (E, 37,391 w., 1 Ch. || Post S3 / S3 / HLV Fix it, Angst with Happy Ending, Romance, Infidelity, Depression, Case Fic, POV Third Person Sherlock, Love Confessions, Pining Sherlock, Letters) – A fire at Baker Street leads John to read something he was never intended to see: a notebook of half-written, unfinished letters Sherlock wrote during his time away...

Set in Stone by SilentAuror (E, 39,309 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Wedding, Therapy, Fluff and Angst) – Sherlock and John are back from Ravine Valley and planning their wedding. However, as they move past the trial of the human traffickers, Sherlock can't help but wonder if he's imagining that John is becoming a little distant. Surely he isn't getting cold feet about the wedding... Part 2 of The Ravine Valley series

Act IV by SilentAuror (E, 39,707 w., 1 Ch. || First Person POV Sherlock, HLV Fix-It, Infidelity, Angst, Drama) – After Sherlock is shot, John moves back into Baker Street. They spend the autumn together as John tries to make sense of his life and make some important decisions about both Mary and Sherlock. Canon-compliant, excerpts from His Last Vow.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...