#is still 28 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sri-rachaa · 2 years ago

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Y’all ever make scenarios for characters in your head that are sad to the point where you make yourself cry?

#thinking of Kaz the day that his brother died #his brother Liam #who died naturally at the late age of 95 back in 2015 #while Cassius #who’s technically 99 at this point in time #is still 28

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giantkillerjack · 1 year ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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aromanticduck · 7 months ago

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Sorry if you're already over 50, I ran out of room (you're welcome to leave your thoughts in the tags or replies!)

If you're younger than 10, get the fuck off Tumblr. People are saying swears on here!

[EDIT: It's OK to vent a bit about negative feelings in the comments/tags, but if you're gonna talk about killing yourself, do me a favour and fucking don't]

#polls #birthdays #ageing #milestones #organic home grown content #for me (28) while there's an element of 'where the fuck did the time go?'#30 sounds all right. even kind of nice #you're still on the younger side of adulthood but you're no longer one of those 'barely an adult' new adults #although some people might feel that change at 25 #i feel like 40 is gonna be harder to deal with. that still feels like the age people's parents are #though it might look different once i'm in my 30s #100 tier #1000 tier #suicide mention

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idkwhyyouaskingm3-blog · 3 months ago

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TMA Trevor would want TMAGP Trevor dead for being a posh prick. TMAGP gives me the impression that he'd want TMA Trevor dead for being homeless.

#What a down grade honestly #But also it's crazy how different he is #No one else has been this different #Gertrude was basically exactly the same #Basira “I''m reading alchemy for fun since I'm a prisoner here and bored” is probably better suited to education that being a police office #Helens freaky in how similar she is #Gerrys different but he's still an artist living with Gertrude. He seems dimmer but also he got experimented on by MI (unofficially)#the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #tmagp #magnus protocol #the magnus protocol spoilers #tmagp 28 #tmag28 spoilers

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acearchivist359 · 3 months ago

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did anyone else just feel just a wave of dread as they realized that sam was giving a fucking statement . cause i missed the tape recorder click in the rain sounds so i didn’t realize and then he started talking and it was just oh . ohhhh no

#i just finished my tma relisten so like i’m still used to hearing the tapes so it didn’t register to me the first time #and the fact that we’ve finally gotten a look at wtf they were doing in there #god this episode #the magnus protocol #tmagp #the magnus protocol spoilers #tmagp spoilers #tmagp 28

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whipbogard · 4 months ago

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Them 💖

#wppyart #bruharvey #twobats #Bruce Wayne #Harvey Dent #they’re still on my mind 28/7 I swear

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vvanillavveins · 3 months ago

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Neurodivergent podcast-fan culture is being able to wax poetic for hours about the most miniscule of details in any given episode of The Magnus Archives, whilst also having to rely on transcripts to tell me what the sounds i'm hearing in The Magnus Protocol are actually supposed to be and then retrospectively working out what the fuck just happened on my 2nd or 3rd listen

#idk if it's just me but gaining a surface level understanding of the plot of tmagp is taking twice as long as it did with tma #i think it's because i struggle with overlapping sounds- which is purely a me problem i know- but it's still really annoying tbh #if it weren't for the transcripts i probably would've given up on following the wider oiar storyline by now #the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp 28 #the magnus archives #tma

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srapsodia · 2 months ago

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hey, may you'd like to try 59 with kageyama and yachi, since it's her birthday (september 4th) and their friendship is so so WAAAAAH?

59: one giving a piggy back ride to the other