#is posting this at 12:30 am a bad idea? maybe. but. whatevs :)

[abacistat]

very self indulgent kon's loosey based on alien superstar by beyonce ^_^ close ups under the cut

[colourme-feral]

Hi there. So I read your tags on an other post and thought I would give you challenge.

What were your 10 (or really how many you want) favourite locations in 2023 QLs? Can be places or buildings, or both. Your choice. Rose💜

@nothingsbetterthancoffee thank you for enabling on the clown website!! Did you have any favourite locations in this year's QLs?

I referred to MDL and so I've only included shows that started in 2023 and to keep this under Tumblr's maximum of 30 images, so I didn't include all screenshots for shared locations!

Anyway, these are my favourite QL locations from 2023:

1. Chong Nonsi Canal Park (Bed Friend, Chains of Heart and The Promise) (location) Shout out to @winnythanawin (aka @aprilblossomgirl) for our discussions about parks lol

2. The timber mill (Chains of Heart) I love wide angle and maximalist shots, so this location has been stuck in my mind.

3. Thai Muslim Women Foundation School (My Dear Gangster Oppa, Y-Destiny, Return Man, 55:15 Never Too Late, Midnight Motel, Never Let Me Go and My Only 12%) (location) I love that the building has specific motifs that are seen in other Islamic architecture. But also, an excessive number of chandeliers is always fun to me. (There are also far too many shared locations, so I picked only a few screenshots).

4. Chakngeaw Chinese Market (Moonlight Chicken) (location) Maybe it's the lanterns and the colours in the scenes, but I loved this location!

5. Como Metropolian Bangkok (Step by Step and Middleman's Love) (location) I described this as a Pride & Prejudice moment once. LOOK AT THE HUGE WINDOWS. That is all, lol

6. 13 Coins Tower Ngamwongwan (Playboyy and 3 Will Be Free) (location) I cannot explain how the slightly dead and uninhabited vibes of this hotel appeal to me but here we are 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️🤷

7. The houses (I Feel You Linger in the Air) (location, location) These details are *everything*. I'm especially a fan of the windows and stained glass!

8. Factopia (Pit Babe) (location) One thing about me is that I am chaotic. Look at this studio that's being used as a home. I love it lol

9. These two temples (Cherry Magic Thailand) (locations) The boat is selling the whole idea for me, though I've been told that there isn't actually a boat operating in these canals anymore, but let me imagine it!

10. Chao Phraya Sky Park (Last Twilight and Low Frequency Pilot Trailer) (location to come) I have actually been waiting to see this bridge/park used and was so excited to see it in Low Frequency's pilot trailer, though it didn't make it to the show. THEN Last Twilight showed up for me. Thank you to the location manager of the show.

11. Tokyo Tower (Shigatsu no Tokyo wa... / Tokyo in April is...) Please ignore how bad Ren looks in the screenshot. I don't care that only the base of my favourite tower can be seen. I'm taking it!!!

12. Whatever this building is (Pit Babe) I mean, I AM CURIOUS about it but haven't found the location. Maybe that's why I'm obsessing a little. Just let me find the location and I will get over it. Probably.

+ BONUS 13. Ikea Sukhumvit (Cherry Magic Thailand) I'm just kidding about this one, but I did google to see where it was @callipigio

Tagging @blmpff, @callipigio, @dribs-and-drabbles, @telomeke because we discuss locations, or at least I make you listen to me talk about them. I'd love to know if you had any favourites/ones that I forgot to add to the list!

If anyone else has their favourite locations, I'd love to know!

Also including these collections of locations, because why not: Troye Sivan's Got Me Started and its shared locations in Thai queer media

If I were in Bangkok, I might want to... in response to @lurkingshan's ask about my favourite locations

[victoriousscarf]

There's so many questions on this thing I can't choose lol- (if that's too much stuff at once just pick the ones you feel like answering and ignore the rest 😅)

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

9. Do you comment on stories you read?

12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

29. What’s your revision or editing process like? (Plus 47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?)

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see? (this is probably my favorite question) (I'm most curious about covet verse scenes ofc) (but yeah feel free to talk about whatever fic you feel like)

53. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

60. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

7. It depends? Like sometimes a story will just be one POV--like Covet is pretty much Fili, and I'll often take Dick's POV over Jason's in a DC fic, but usually it's like whose eyes do I most want to be on in this fic/scene? I have definitely started leaning toward whole fics in one POV but I will still switch if it works for the story (for example, needing to know scenes about which one character cannot know about). I would have previously said I would switch POVs more in long fics but Mahanon sorta shot that right out of the water. I enjoy the challenge of a limited POV fic sometimes, because you really are stuck with this one dude for what's now 500k and thus as limited in knowledge as he is. But it's rarely something I think like, that much about.

9. I am once again trying to get better lol. It's all about seasons of our lives, right? I used to try and go through fics that didn't have a bunch of comments and comment on them in the smaller fandoms/ships I was in, but then I stopped reading fic for a very long time, and now that I'm more regularly reading again, it's like flexing a muscle to comment again.

But it is an effort, one I think more people need to start accepting again. Writing is really hard work, it deserves some acknowledgement.

12. Like. I will write some wild things, and I don't need a LOT of feedback persay, but if something is getting no acknowledgement at all and another fandom is doing their best to feed me... receiving/not receiving feedback WILL impact my desire to work on a fic. It can be one or two dedicated as fuck readers who get me through a whole story, or it might be a whole swarm of them, but if I get dead silence, I have less like ability to push through the bad times (which always come in any multi chapter fic) and keep going. It hurts the motivation to get silence for sure.

16. So many. So many. As always so many.

I've got usually a whole stack of fics waiting for me to care about them/have the time which I never do. In Dragon Age I've got a pirate AU (Just, Cassandra ranting every 30 seconds about the fact they declared her a pirate but when someone offers her a pardon if she turns Mahanon in she tosses them over the side of the ship like well anyway) a whole Regency Era AU with strong vibes of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrel, and a very strange fake dating college au that may involve Fae.

Tolkien wise I've got some fics I promised people that I never wrote, an elf time loop one (which apparently is becoming a really popular idea in the Silm fandom on tumblr haha but I've been nursing this damn one for ages), that Anastasia-ish Hobbit story, a Regency Era AU for them too (but specifically Emma) and a story I've turned around for literally years now where Thorin died before the quest so Fili becomes king in exile and pretty much laughs Gandalf out of the room when he tries to convince him to reclaim Erebor (he's got a LOT to deal with emotionally okay, he's not got time for that) so they have to go and like try and kill Smaug in the middle of the War of the Ring instead.

And those are just the ones off the top of my head.

17. I think the most important thing as a writer is give yourself some grace. I try and write every week, but like I went on a trip and then I've been too exhausted since I got back, so it's been 2 weeks now with no writing for me. And frankly, I'm still feeling really wiped out so it's more like, if you're not feeling it, it's okay to take a break. Drink some tea, read a book, let it all peculate in the back of your head for a while. Try to do some things that inspire you, like for me it's reading history, or taking walks outside or going to museums, basically just learning new things. See some friends. Spend time with people. And then come back and see if that all triggered something. We forget writers block is often a systematic issue, like we're too tired or burned out or whatever, and it's about reinvigorating your creativity. And understanding and giving yourself the time. And if you're just exhausted by life well, unfortunately, maybe it's about trying to make those bigger changes, or accepting this will be a period where you plant some clover on the field of your creativity and let it lay fallow for a season or two. It will be there when you're ready again.

20. I mean, over the years I've written some wildly different things but yes, hahaha, very much yes. My favorite conflict is duty vs desire, I'm a sucker for loyalty, I'm a sucker for little shits that just don't stop, I'm a fan of knock-down, drag out street fighters, and if you leave me alone long enough, I will manifest a revolution into basically any setting. I like characters who are competent and don't give up, but who are human and make mistakes and fuck things up and keep going anyway, despite the fuck ups and danger and road blocks in front of them. I like when people feel things very deeply, but maybe aren't very good at talking about it or dealing with it, but always know they loved first and foremost, but sometimes it wasn't enough, and sometimes they did terrible things for it. I like imbuing the every day with intense feelings, be that ships or robots or undead horses or flower crowns. And I will probably try and make you cry at some point.

22. Hm. Yes and no? I have written things that I would never have expected, and I have written a LOT of stuff over the years on what are essentially dares. And there's things I wrote before that I'm like, way less inclined to write now? Like looking back my early 20s were way more willing to play around with student/teacher relationships that now I'm like... why was I even touching that with a ten foot pole? I also really really really hate pregnancy and will probably never write that into any story with any degree of detail. I'm not saying people won't have kids, but I'm not gonna be dealing with it.

So I'll write anything, as long as I can make it work for me. But it might not be in a way that like, other people expect or like.

28. On days I write I aim for 4ish pages, single spaced, 11/12 font. On really good days I can do 8 pages. On really good days I can do 20. I do not usually aim for that though. 4 is quite manageable for me on one go. (And as you'll see in the answer below on my editing, that's usually the length my chapters are. I know some people like to complain about my chapters being ~too short~ but honestly I don't want to hear it. On a good weekend you're getting 8 pages of writing if I write both days, and while some would probably prefer me waiting until my chapters are at 8 pages instead of 4, the reality is if I wait for it to be that long I will start spiraling mentally on myself and if it's good enough, so it's actually much faster for me to post the smaller chunks than deal with that. I'm a post or die person, and isn't that better than not getting anything at all?)

29/47. ... Hm.

Yeah I don't really edit. My editing process is usually to do one read through before posting (Unless I'm feeling like a scene is not working at all, in which case I may go back and rework it while halfway through and change things to make it work. But if I have to do that more than 2 or 3 times I will delete the whole thing and start again). I will try and grab typos and make sure things are working, then I will post. Once posted I try to do another read through on a typo hunt, but sometimes I don't get to that for another day or two, depending on when I post it.

40. I mean, there are always so many images while writing that make me go this would be really fun as an art haha.

I would love the scene in chapter 7 of covet not the feel of gold or taste of blood of Kili just sorta losing it. Or Fili, poor lad, covered in gold.

I'd love Dick in his magic shop from trust not in the darkness, trust in my outstretched hand, or the cabin covered in candles and the snow. I tried to work on my settings a bit more in that one.

I love any time someone draws Dick and Jason and the bike from find the sun in the corners of shadows.

I would love to see Mahanon and Sonja in art together. That would probably make me cry.

But honestly I would not really care. Like any fanart is a gift that makes me so emotional any time it happens. I understand why commissions etc exist, but I feel like the idea of sharing gifts in fandom used to be stronger than it is now. And that does make me a little sad. But it still happens and every time is worth treasuring.

53. I'm more of a writer, but lately I've been reading a lot of fics again. (Stranger Things got to me). But I also read a bunch of non fanfiction things, so I go through seasons of reading fic or not. But I almost always am writing, so I'd say majority writer, but when I read I do lose it.

55. I mean, the classics at this point are Fili and Dick and Mahanon probably. I am a sucker for someone who has every reason to hate the world and chooses instead love, belief, compassion, or in Fili's case, simple fucking survival haha. And no, I don't really care about people's reactions to certain characters. If I did I would have less plans for Gaspard in the forest is dark and deep. (Every time he shows people yell at me about how much they hate him and I'm like oh well, you're going to have to keep dealing with him anyway <3)

Honestly I only seem to chose popular characters by chance, and sometimes don't really care about the fandom reading on them (Fanon Dick Grayson my beloathed). I don't mean this in a "I'm not like other girls" way, I just know I'm contrary at best, and don't really care for the whims of popular fandom. I do what I want, and I have gotten yelled at for it by readers, and not in a good squee-yelling sort of way.

Unless you mean, swayed by readers/follower's opinions in a "I will never write this again as long as I live" way in which case yes, I did actually drop a whole ship because the readers were so mean about it and it killed all joy I ever felt in those characters together. And it was Tony Stark/Loki back in the 2012 era. That was the worst experience in fandom I ever had, you will always be legendary to me for all the wrong reasons.

60. Yes! Actually I commented on their work and they went wait, aren't you the one who wrote xxx? And I was like oh, yes, that is me, and we went from there. And then we became fandom friends lol. It is always a very kind, warm feeling to realize people have read your stuff, especially when you know they've got good tastes in their own work lol.

65. Listen, listen, I'm so excited for where ancient sea is going, the fact my brain is refusing to write it is driving me crazy. I want Hawke to meet Bianca! For the temple of Dirth to be a total shit show!!! the Forbidden Oasis being EVEN WORSE! I want my boi Abelas to show, I want things in Orlais to get batshit insane while Mahanon goes "whoops" I am dying for the assassins from Josie's personal mission to show up while Mahanon is on a hair trigger on that issue (especially! Josie! After! Wycome! holy shit). I want Gaspard to show up and be really annoying for like many different things while Mahanon keeps wishing he killed him while he had the chance (real "I should have left you on that streetcorner where I found you" "But you didn't!" vibes). I want for them to try and start breaking Mahanon and his symbols down and for him and his to rebuilt something new from the ashes.

On the other hand I also want to keep trucking in Covet because I'm really excited about some of the stuff there too, and getting to the point where I can start posting some of the side story stuff I've been writing to keep myself sane in the main story lol. (I've got like a whole 13 pages of Nori POV that came out of a fucking joke to someone that I can't post yet and now I'm mad about it lol).

[mannatea]

fe asks: 11, 12, 28, 30, 35, 37, 38 [leans mic closer] go off, my dear

11. A character that deserved better? My girl Rinkah (FE14) was probably one of the characters done most dirty by the entire fucking franchise. So many weird creepy "taming the savage" vibes around this character by the writers of the game and it's all so vile and disrespectful.

12. A game that deserved better? Oooohhh this is tough. My first instinct is to say FE9/10 (a cheating combo answer) because they were released on the Gamecube/Wii and that limited the audience to an extreme that we as a fandom hadn't really experienced before. But then I think about the clumsy race metaphors in the game and I'm like ehhh maybe it's better the audience was limited lol.

I also think FE14 deserved better in general. There were some really great ideas in there but a lot of it was just so clumsily done and cobbled together in a way that let them sell more shit.

28. Because this fandom doesn't see enough discourse [citation needed], post a spicy hot take here🔥🔥 I don't think it's a spicy take but I really fucking hate DLC and think the introduction of DLC to Fire Emblem had a hand in turning me off of the franchise for a good number of years and away from the fandom. I don't think 3H was as bad in this area as FE13/14 but it was very frustrating to me to have to look up maps and dialogues for things just to get little character bits. This was especially bad in FE14 because I really didn't have the funds to even buy the game. If my sister hadn't gifted it to me I would not have played it at all. But to then find out interesting maps and character bits were behind a paywall? Rage.

30. Since horse abuse is currently popular on Tumblr, beat up a dead horse with your take on an oversaturated topic🐴 I am sure this is a dead topic by now, so I just wanna say I don't like avatar characters. I'm not sorry. They're generally poorly designed, bland, or too Special Snowflake to be interesting to me within the main story. Also, I'm fucking old. I don't want to self-insert into a teenager. It makes every romance option weird and gross to me. Mark is the ideal avatar character because he didn't do anything and you could pretty much leave him out of fanfic entirely and nobody batted an eye. Love that for him. I think Byleth had potential but they just didn't reach it.

35. What's something you wish IntSys would just stop doing? Five billion supports. I never thought I'd say it, but I think having fewer supports in general, and even fewer that end in a meaningful relationship, would be a lot more fun. This would end with a lot more truly quality, interesting supports that were satisfying to read...and romances we could actually be invested in.

37. What's a weird theory or headcanon you have? I generally don't develop many headcanons for FE these days and I'm actively ashamed of old fanon I fell into and/or helped create (FE7 friends, I'm deeply sorry for the shy Kent fanon I let everyone down). That said, a few of us oldster KentLyn simps saw their paired ending and we were determined to make Rutger from FE6 work as their son.

38. Freebie! Talk about whatever you want 🐉⚔ I'm pretty sure my active Fire Emblem fandom days are over. It's not necessarily just Fire Emblem, though: I've largely given up writing in my free time due to lack of energy and the fact that writing anything takes literally entire days away from me and I simply don't feel rewarded for bothering anymore (especially now that I can get more comments just recording WoW gameplay and posting it to YouTube—and I'm not even a good player).

It's still really weird to think that I've been around as long as I have, but I don't really have the energy to engage in fandom the way I did when it was 2003. You'd never guess I was so involved in the earlier FE days, writing literally HUNDREDS of fics and running a fic contest and participating in LJ discussions. There's a disconnect there that I can't quite explain. I've been in other fandoms for a long time, but Fire Emblem and many of its fans got me through the roughest years of my life from start to finish, so it's a hard pill to swallow that I'm not sure I can really consider myself a fan in the same capacity I once was.

[straw-berry-soup]

had to pull this blog from its very dead ashes , for whatever reason this one is not littered with porn bots (why do you not love me here? am i not mentally ill enough for you?) and i didn't want to post on my favorite main. i don't want anyone to know how mentally ill i am so i’m going to analyze some tarot card readings on youtube and see if i can form some analytics from it.

if i had the time and the energy in the world, i would want to analyze all of the silly things a tarot reader would say in a general reading on youtube. i'm fascinated. they say things like, "this card is the number 12. that is a life path number. 1+2 is 3, so this is a very important connection. this could also mean you met tbem when they were 21. there are 5 animals in this card, so maybe you met one another when you were 55." within , 30 seconds, a reader will say a bunch of crap that makes actually 0 sense. they will say things that contradict one another. they will say things that are not even presented in the cards.

i'm confused because if tarot cards are able to tell what is going on, why must you create crap out of nowhere?

another funny thing ive noticed is that tarot readers are on bullshit. they keep pulling more and more cards. they are trying to find patterns and similarities between all the cards to create a story. and they will even include cards at the bottom of the deck, extra top cards from the top of the deck, they'll even include cards that fall out. it makes 0 sense to me.

i'm curious too about if some readers are more likely to say something bad depending on who they are. some readers literally only say nice things. others say bad things most of the time. it's very interesting!! i have no idea how to quantify any of this. i just am noticing !!!

[floplvl]

Yesterday I attended the gulis getaway. The bus came and got us from outside of school and took us to middle of Sipoo.

First we played games outside, this part was okay, because people hadn’t started drinking yet.

Then the sitz started. Which was also okay, ’cause we get to sing and eat together and my neighbor was sober with me and my other two neighbors were nice and the energy at a sitz is cool.

My group, Sex On The BECH won the group challange and received the pokals ☺️

Disclaimer: i ofc did not drink.

Then came the drinking games - fun

The came the dancing - fun

Then people started throwing up - 😐

People started to disappear - 😐

People started falling - and lastly they spilled gross alcohol drinks everywhere - 😬

At 1:30, almost everyone went to sleep.

Yes. 1:30.

I had drank a lot of caffeine and was not tired, not by a long shot. And I didn’t find a sleeping bag from anywhere so even if I’d wanted to sleep I couldn’t have.

I suddenly decided I was going to go home.

From middle of Sipoo where there’s only open fields and forest, and the way there, according to my navigator, was 4:30 hours.

Meh, I thought. I’m used to walking.

But I’ll tell you, I’m not used to walking at 2AM in a foreign place all by myself in the dark. I was already anxious when I got away from our cabin and I realized I’m on my own in the unknown. I thought about creeps lurking in the dark, cars speeding by and dragging me into the vehicle, wild animals sensing my fear and coming to get a nibble.

I was still able to shake off these feelings pretty well and level with myself that I’m just sfraid of the dark and that nothing bad is going to happen and if something is meant to happen there’s nothing I can do anyway.

This worked as long as I walked up the road.

Until my navigator told me to make a turn to the right off the road and then to the left. Because there was no road on the right and the left. There was only forrest. I thought it was a mistake -

But it was not.

I wanted desperately to stay on the road. I zoomed out and realized to my dispair it was impossible. The road wasn’t going to lead me home. At this moment I thought about turning back around, there was no way I was entering a forest in the middle of the night. I had walked for about an hour, and there’d be an hour back. But what awaited me there? Sitting there until we leave next morning at 12?

I bit my teeth together and I committed.

Come what may come, but I wasn’t going to give up. Whatever risks I was taking I was going to stay committed. No turning back, just focus straight ahead.

It was a nightmare.

The forest was pitch black, the ground uneven, wet and slippery. I had no idea how long I’d need to walk, but something told me it was going to be long.

I was afraid. Really afraid. Unreasonably so, I told myself. Absolutely nothing was going to happen: ’Everyone else is sleeping’, ’my suitcase makes so much noise that it will scare away the wild animals’, ’the dwarves in Wrong Turn don’t exist’, ’the guy from Hush has better things to do at this time’, ’this is Finland. The chance of a wild lunatic is very small’ (I have never been so happy to be living in Finland as now).

But with fear comes a wild fantasy. I started to think that maybe I could die tonight (funny how I chose the possibility of death before turning around and staying with the others. It got me thinking of a lot of things, how irresponsible I am and ungrateful for my life, and that I shouldn’t put myself in positions I’m not comfortable with), so first I posted to watsapp where I was (’um, somewhere in sipoo’s forrest.’) and then I started calling people I trusted.

The list was short. The first person I called was my ex. He did not pick up, so the second person I called was Aleksandra. She also did not pick up. I didn’t call my sister or my mother, because I did not find enough trust to do so. Until I got desperately afraid and started hyperventilating. I’ve never passed out, but it felt like I was going to. I felt lightheaded, like there wasn’t enough oxygen reaching me, and had to really concentrate on my breathing to save myself. Mommy did not answer. I tried dad. Luckily, he answered the phone.

As soon as he answered I cried of relief and disbelief.

He got very nervous and afraid for me walking alone in the forrest in the middle of the night, although his reasons were more logical: he was afraid I’d fall into a lake, or stumble over a branch and break my leg, or get very lost and not find a way out. He insisted I’d call myself a taxi to drive to his house, and then we’d drive together to my house and he’ll pay it.

I glanced at my phone. 13km left. I wondered how much money it would cost for 13km.

”No car”, I said. ”I’m fine with walking as long as it’s on the road. I’m just scared of the dark in the forrest. As soon as I get out of here I’ll be fine, so just talk to me until I get out.”

We had a back and forth about the car for the whole hour it took for me to stumble through the woods, hanging onto his voice desperately as I made my way through branches and stumbled over rocks. Ofc I could not drag my suitcase , I had to carry it. But adrenaline made it possible.

I was so unbelievably happy when I got out of the forrest. We both celebrated prematurely, until ten minutes later it stood clear to me that I needed to cross yet another forrest.

”Don’t do that”, he said. ”Just call a taxi. I’ll pay for it.”

But I committed. I had come halfway already, and paying so much money just because I was childish and afraid of such a small percent to happen seemed silly and embarassing. There wasn’t anything to be afraid of. Not really.

”I’m entering now”, I said. ”Just stay with me on the line and I’ll be happy.”

This forrest felt even longer than the previous one but I just committed to it. No turning back. Just moved forward as quickly as I could, only concentrating on stepping right and breathing. I thought to myself that once I was out, this whole burden would lift and become a distant memory, so I kept pushing forward.

Then I got out again. I had been sharing my live location on whatsapp just in case something happened to me so he’d know where to look. He told me there’d be no more forest to walk for me. I was so damn happy I cried out of happiness. I had made it to Vantaa and was only forty minutes away from civilisation.

I had walked incredibly fast, never been more happy to be tall and have long legs. At 05 AM, I crossed the border to Helsinki - the most awesome feeling.

I walked for another thirty minutes until I came to Fallpakka, where I used to live with my ex. Finally I was at a place I recognized. We celebrated as I found a bus stop, and five minutes later came a bus to take me home.

Opening the door to my apartment never felt so damn good. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it, I’m home.

”You’re crazy”, dad said. ”Absolutely crazy to go out in the middle of night alone like that.”

”I know. I don’t know what I was thinking. But I’m happy I did. Walking home and talking to you was so much better than sitting in the cottage until 12.”

”That’s easy to say NOW. But anything could have happened, you never know.”

I was very grateful for my bed, and at 8AM my mommy called. I told her I was sleeping and hung up. Now I’m going to get ready and head over to her place and retrieve my darling dog who I miss sososoos much !

But yes, I promised myself:

• no more crazy adventures

• no more alcoholic events even if I’m sober

• no more people I need to pretend I’m someone I’m not to have a good time

• no more going to places unless i’m 100% sure I’ll stay there to sleep and also that I 100% can get home safely if I need to

💛

[meri-meri-mwah]

Okay, hang in there with me cause it's currently 12:30 am and reading all these Bad and Crazy posts got me THINKING.

TW: Suic*de

Okay so...damn, where do I even begin? I know I was on Sooyeol's arse a few hours ago, but now I'm starting to feel a little bad about it, gn.

Anyway, I think we are all aware that episode 4 f*cked us so hard, it wasn't even pleasurable (well, at least the darker parts of the episode). I know we came into a conclusion that Sooyeol has a split personality, but I just can't help and sometimes think that K is...a thought that turned into a person and only Sooyeol can see him. K can encourage good behavior and bad behavior.

Good behavior: Fight for justice, having a sense of respect to those who deserve it, self confidence, and etc.

Bad behavior: encourage degrading comments/actions (specifically that involves self harm such as forcing half a bottle of pills into Sooyeol's mouth and agreeing that Sooyeol should go jump off an orphanage rooftop), and... that's like the only thing I can think of so far.

As I mentioned before, I think K is SOMETIMES more of a thought process for Sooyeol. Do y'all have days where you need to make a decision, but don't know what to do? Do you ever experience happy thoughts? Or do you experience thoughts that leads you on to a darker path (mentally and physically)? I am positive everyone experience these kinds of thoughts every single day.

And honestly, I'm starting to think Bad and Crazy is a lot darker than we anticipated because we're centered around an ordinary man with thoughts that are affected by past trauma. And the fact that Sooyeol can see his inner thoughts as a... person probably makes him... terrified? Conflicted? Oh, yeah, definitely conflicted, because from what we see... Sooyeol isn't that fond of K so far. Perhaps, Sooyeol doesn't like the thought that something like K exist in his mind and in his everyday life. Sooyeol might think K is actually ruining his life by making him do things he doesn't want to.

If you think about it, people who experience mental disorders may have these conflicts about what they are. Especially if it's their first time experiencing something like this (keep in mind, everyone's experience is different). And we, the audience, are aware that K is quite... childish? Immature? He's strong, but still has that child-like nature. Which makes sense because he most likely developed from Sooyeol's childhood. Perhaps, K's immature/insensitive comments is adding on to the stress and guilt Sooyeol has been feeling since day one.

Knowing that Sooyeol is adopted, I feel as though he also wants to seek validation from people? His family, friends, coworkers, and even previous lovers... Sooyeol wants to prove that he is worthy. That he is capable of doing something. Based on that conversation he had with the little girl's uncle, Sooyeol KNOWS how it feels to be pushed out of society. However, when he fails someone, Sooyeol could have constant ideas that he's a total failure. A disappointment. Maybe he did try to stick up for himself before, but was immediately shut down by those who are bigger than him. More in power. So, instead, he becomes submissive. He does whatever it takes to please people whether it's good or not.

The same case can be happening for Sooyeol and K. Sooyeol wants to prove K that he is worthy of living. That he isn't pathetic or a coward. But it's gonna take time for him to adjust. To become familiar with going against those who are not only doing Sooyeol wrong, but his friends and family. It's gonna be a journey and he's gonna have to eventually become used to sticking up for himself without NEEDING K for backup. Of course, I hope K sticks around by the time this drama is over, but Sooyeol should be able to make his own, good, choices without training wheels. And come to accept that K has feelings, too! Heck! K might also be hurting because Sooyeol is hurting himself. They do share a body after all.

WHEW, I KNOW THIS POST IS ALL OVER THE PLACE, BUT IT'S LIKE 1 AM NOW AND I CAN'T CALCULATE ALL MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS RN.

I am a firm believer that things will work out for Sooyeol and K. Humans are complicated with complicated issues and they always need a little nudge of motivation to feel better. Bad and Crazy will end off with a good ending and Sooyeol accepting the good parts of himself (c'mon TvN and Studio Dragon. Y'all know better).

P.S: Many apologies for grammar errors or typos. Making a post at 1 AM is not the greatest idea.

[peaxhcringe]

Rocks and Stars

Pairing: Kuroo x reader

Genre: Fluff (slight NSFW towards the end???), friend to lovers trope 

Warnings: N/a

Word Count: 3.2k

Summary: Stargazing with Kuroo

A/N: I want to thank my friend @socialxcatastrophe​ for helping me write the end when I got stuck and for proof reading this.. go read her stuff that she’s posting today because she is an amazing writer.  Enjoy this bit of cringe and bad writing As usual if there is anything wrong or messed up let me know. Enjoy!! 

~~~~~~~~~

The TV echoed softly in your room, the cringy reality show playing quietly, as light filled your dark room. You  were laying on your bed, your back resting against your headboard as you held a large stuffed animal in your arms. Your eyes watching the TV screen, a bored look etched on your face as you took in the rather awkward show. It was a Friday night, and here you were watching shitty TV and cuddling with a stuffed animal, while your friends were all out practicing for a game or studying. Your eyes shifted from the TV to your black phone screen, waiting to see if it would light up with a notification. You brought a hand from your pillow to your phone, tapping on the screen to check your messages between you and your friend Kuroo, hoping maybe he had texted you. 

Your eyes blinked quickly as they adjusted to the brightness of your screen, eventually clearly seeing the white messenger and only seeing your last text to him 

Hey, do you wanna come over tonight? 🥺 

The text hadn’t been read yet, a soft groan leaving your lips as you lightly tossed your phone back onto the bed, your head laying back against the headboard with a thunk. You let your eyes close, only the soft lulling of the TV filling your senses as your body began to relax, your shoulders falling and your arms loosening their grip on the stuffed animal you held in your hands. 

thunk 

thunk

thunk

Your eyes slowly opened as a soft thunk rang out in your room. An eyebrow raising as you hear the soft sound again. 

thunk

thunk 

Sitting up, you begin to look around your room trying to find a source of the noise. You lay the stuffed animal on your bed, as you move off the mattress, a small creak filling the room. The carpet of your room is soft against your feet, as you begin to walk around trying to find a source of the now almost constant thunk. The soft light of the TV illuminates the floor, allowing you to be able to not trip over anything that might be laying in your way.

As you pass by your window another small thunk sounds, your head shoots towards the noise just in time to see a small pebble hit the glass and fall back to the ground below. Your eyebrows raise in question as you slowly step towards the glass, your hip grazing against your nightstand. Taking a deep breath you turn your gaze to the ground below, noticing a dark figure standing beneath your window. 

Your eyes widen in fear, your heart beginning to race as you notice it step closer to the house. Your eyes follow it as the porch light shines over the figure, the image of your best friend Kuroo now in your vision. Letting out a sigh, and placing your hand to your heart in relief you grip the window and push it up with a small squeak, before leaning out over the edge. 

“Kuroo what the hell?!” You yell, watching as his heads turns up towards your window, a smile stretching across his face 

“Come on! I wanna take you somewhere” He says simply, a hand waving me down 

“Kuroo do you know what time it is?” You ask, not even sure of the time yourself, although last time you checked it was around 11:30 pm 

Your eyes take a moment to glance over at the red numbers that streaked along a black digital clock that rested atop your nightstand, the numbers 12:37pm being displayed. 

“Does it matter? I wanna show you something, we don’t how much time, so hurry up” He says, waving to me once again before turning around and heading off sidewalk, probably in case my parents woke up and decided to check out who was yelling 

You rolled your eyes before closing your window, and moving to grab your phone off the bed. You think for a moment to change clothes, as you were only in your pajamas, but shaking your head as you glance at your figure in the mirror you rush out of your room and head downstairs. Quickly, you slip on some shoes before walking out, the cool autumn air hitting your skin as you walk up to Kuroo, the wind lightly blowing through his hair. 

“So what’s so important that you had to come throw rocks at my window?” You ask, following behind him as he begins to walk down the sidewalk

He smiles at you as he slightly turns his head just enough to catch a glimpse of you in the corner of his brown eyes. 

“Be patient kitten” He speaks slowly, a smirk etched onto his face as your face heats up  instantly from the nickname. 

Although you both weren’t dating every now and then he’d randomly use either “kitten” or “doll” when speaking to you. You weren't sure if he did it on purpose just to fluster you, but knowing Kuroo that was most likely the case, being the natural flirt that he is. Although he was a big chemistry nerd he did have his flirty moments, making sure to fluster you by calling you nicknames or even lifting his shirt up in the middle of practice letting you catch a glimpse of his rather well-built chest.  

You only had known Kuroo for around 2 years, and only just recently joined the team and helped out with being the manager. Over the years you had begun to get quite the big crush on him, you weren’t really sure why the chemicals in your brain decided that the rooster haired looking cat man had to be one of your biggest crushes, but to be honest you weren’t really complaining. 

The walk to wherever the hell he was taking you was rather silent, the two of you just enjoy one another’s company and the soft breeze of the air as it licked across the exposed skin of your arms, goosebumps slowly rising. Kuroo’s steps began to fall slower as you neared an overhang that overlooked part of the city, the bright lights of the shops and street lamps illuminated the entire area allowing the city to have an almost angelic glow. 

“Over here” Kuroo spoke softly, lightly taking your hand in his before walking to a clear patch of grass that had a couple of dandelions sprouting from the ground “Come on, sit down it’s about to start” He continued excitedly

You watch as he plops down on the grass, before taking your hand and lightly pulling you to sit next to him. The grass felt soft against your skin as you moved to where you were now sitting with your legs crossed, your hands resting softly in your lap. 

“So, what are we waiting for exactly?” You ask looking at him, still having absolutely no idea why you were here

Kuroo’s hands were placed behind him on the grass as he leaned back against them, his head tilted back as his eyes scanned the night sky. The sky was clear, allowing every star to shine brightly and for the moon to almost shine down upon you both almost like a spotlight. 

“Patience” He says softly, letting his eyes fall closed for a moment before they look back to scan the sky 

You let out a soft huff, as you tilted your own head up towards the dazzling sky, your eyes catching a couple constellations that hung brightly in against the dark background. 

“Hey,” You begin, lifting your arm and mixing Kuroo’s softly “Which constellation is that?” You ask, lifting your hand up and pointing towards the W shaped constellation with five brightly stars out lining it. 

A soft laugh leaves Kuroo’s throat as his gaze turns to your pointed finger, his body leaning closer to yours as he tries to get a better idea of where you were pointing. His warm breath blew against your arm, the goosebumps disappearing only to return as a gust of wind blew past you both. 

“I’m good a chemistry, not astronomy” Kuroo spoke with laugh, before turning to you with a smile on his face “but luckily for you I just happen to know that constellation”

You rolled your eyes as he moved to sit up straighter, his leg brushing against yours as he crossed his legs. 

“Well? What is it?” You ask, turning your head towards his, only to meet his dark brown eyes 

“Well, that constellation there is called Cassiopeia. It’s just above the Big Dipper” He explains, lifting his own hand up and pointing below the constellation to another own that was shaped like a pot “then the one next to the Big Dipper is the Little Dipper” He continued, moving his finger to the smaller looking constellation

Your eyes followed his finger, as he continued to explain the stars that displayed in front of you. You tried your best to listen as he soon enough began going on tangent, but almost everything he said seemed to go in one ear and out the other. 

“-oh and there’s the” 

“Kuroo, for someone who said they didn’t know much about constellations you seem to know a lot” You spoke with a laugh, watching as his head turned towards you 

A blush ran across his cheeks as he laughed softly, raising a hand to the back of his neck.

“My bad” He apologized, “I got a little too carried away”

Raising a hand, you softly patted his shoulder before looking back towards the sky, silencing falling upon the both of you. Your eyes begin to close as another soft gust of wind blows over you, letting goosebumps rise against your skin. Your head falls back, while you place your arms behind you so you can lean against your forearms. The soft rustling of the grass from your movements fills your ears, before everything once again falls into a comfortable silence. A yawn escapes your mouth as your tiredness begins to slowly catch up with you. 

“Tired already? What are you 60?” Kuroo laughs, noticing your sleep state 

You lazily turn your head towards him, your eyes barely opening as you speak 

“It’s almost 1 am Kuroo, I would already be asleep right now if you didn’t drag me out here” 

“Technically, you willingly tagged along so therefore this is your own fault” He corrects, a smile on his face as he lifts his hand up, motioning as he talks 

“Yeah yeah whatever” You mumbled waving him off, letting your weight rest back against your arms “Can I lay in your lap?” You ask randomly, letting your head lul to the side, your eyes closing again as you wait for his response 

This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve ever asked to lay in his lap, in fact you ask all the time. At a glance you wouldn’t think that his thighs were comfortable, but that’s where you would be very wrong. Somehow his thighs were the most comfortable spot to lay on, almost more comfortable than some of your pillows. 

“That tired huh?” Kuroo asks with a laugh, making sure to tease you like he does every time 

Wordlessy, you open eyes, glaring at him before he lifts a hand and places it on your shoulder 

“Come on” He says, pushing you shoulder lightly letting you know that you can lay down 

“Thank you!” You say quickly, moving your body against the grass. 

The dewy grass feels wet against your skin as you move to lay down on it, your clothes becoming slightly wet the longer your body rests against it. You lightly let your head fall against Kuroo’s thighs, one of his hands instinctively moves to your hair letting it flow against his thighs. Your face faces up towards the sky, Kuroo’s jaw slightly in your vision as he leans his head back. Silence surrounds you both again as you begin to relax against Kuroo, his calloused fingertips running through hair, lightly pulling the strands through his fingers. Your eyes scan the night sky, tracing out every little constellation in your sight. A plane flying overhead catches your eye, as the blinking red light slowly moves across the dark sky

“Where do you think those people are headed?” You ask, thinking out loud, your eyes staying locked on the moving plane 

You feel Kuroo move beneath you as he turns his head up towards the sky, his eyes catching the plane that yours were locked on. With a shrug of his shoulders he begins to speak 

“No idea, maybe to go see family” He answers, his hand still slowly pushing through your hair as he continues to speaks “or maybe to visit someone special” 

You scoff at his statement, rolling your eyes, before looking back to the sky. Your hands move to rest against your stomach, your fingers lightly playing with the cloth of your shirt.

“Well if you could travel where would you go?” You ask, turning your gaze to Kuroo’s face only to be met with the view of his jaw and his adam’s apple 

A soft blush crosses your face as you take in his appearance. Although you were only met with the half of his face you almost knew exactly what he looked like, his eyes closed and a smile on his face.  Every time he was able to drag you out at night, you both always ended up like this, with you laying in lap and his head up towards the sky, letting the wind blow against his face. 

“Not sure, I like being here. What about you?” He asks, tilting his head down, your eyes meeting

Your heart jumps as you meet, the moon somehow shining in them. Your eyes look around his face, as smiles down at you, his cheeks lightly tinted red from the cold wind. 

“I- well I’m not sure” You answer, your head moving to the side as you stare up at him

His hair gently swayed as a soft gust of wind blew past, some pieces falling gently against his forehead. Without thinking, you lifted a hand and pushed the fallen strands away, bringing it back into the mess that was Kuroo’s hair. 

“Y/n” Kuroo begins, his eyes falling to your lips before back to your eyes “Can I kiss you?” 

Your eyes widen at his question, your heart instantly beginning to pound against your chest. A hot blush rushes to your face as he continues to stare down at you, his hand stopping it’s twirling of your hair, as he waits for a response. 

“I-” You begin, shocked at how out of the place the questioned seemed 

It wasn’t that you didn’t like and it wasn’t the face you didn’t want to kiss him, because damn did you want to kiss him at least once, but it was how randomly he asked. You’ve known this rooster haired man for years and you’re used to his weird questions, but this has been the first time he’s ever asked anything like this. 

Does he like me?

Why did he ask? 

What’s happening?

All these questions kept popping into your head as your eyes continued to stare into his. The stars sparkled behind him, framing him like a picture as the constellation he named ‘Cassiopeia’ had moved behind him. The moon shone down against the both of you like a spotlight as you swallowed, your mouth becoming dry. Your crush, since you were 9 just asked if he could kiss you. Were you dreaming? This was something you wished for when you were little, but now that it's actually happening you didn’t know what to do. 

“Hey, nevermind, don’t wor-” 

As he began to speak you quickly sat up, placing your soft hands against his cheeks, and looking him dead in the eye. Your eyes scanned his face, from his eyes to lips and back to his eyes again. Your tongue shot out of your mouth licking your lips as his hand placed themselves on your arms. Taking one deep breath, you lean forward, pressing your lips against rather soft ones. Just as quickly as it began you pulled away, the taste of apple lip balm resting on your lips as you licked them. Kuroo’s eyes were just as wide as yours, a part of him actually shocked that you kissed him, not that he was complaining or anything. Letting out a sigh, your move to let your hands fall from his face, only for him to pull you back into another kiss. One hand moves to his shoulder as he kisses you, the apple lip balm easily being tasted against your tongue.

“Apple huh?” You say with a laugh as he pulls away, a smile crossing your face as you watch his face heat up 

“Oh shut up” He laughed, letting his hand fall to your waist as your rolled your eyes 

You both sat there looking at one another, stars seeming to blink rhythmically against the sky. 

“Again.” Kuroo whispers, his eyes turning darker as he pulls you on top of him. 

Your flushes bright red as he takes your chin in his hand, forcing your eyes to meet. 

“Please…” He continues, his eyes showing want as he looks at you 

Without a second thought you press your lips against his, your arms placing themselves on either side of his head, and onto the dewy grass. He lips press harder against yours as his hands slowly move from your face slowly down against the curve of your body before finally resting, placing themselves against the fat of your thighs, giving them a slight squeeze. 

He softly pulled away, his lips turning into a smirk, “Wow, God Y/n you bring a whole new meaning to chemistry because fuck I want this connection.”

Your eyes roll in disappointment before bringing your lips back to his, his smile engraved upon your lips. One of your hands moves from the grass to his chest, holding yourself up as your body is pressed against his. Your other hand stays cemented to the grass, gripping it just a bit as you try to deepen the kiss. 

“Kuroo…” You whisper, pulling away his brown eyes meeting your e/c ones, “ I like you” 

You watch as a smile appears over his face, a soft chuckle vibrating against your chest before he speaks “I like you too, Y/n.” Your smile back, before leaning down and putting your face in his neck, embarrassment starting to take over. Kuroo laughs again, his laugh ringing in your ear as his hands never once leave your thighs, making sure to give them a soft squeeze every now and then. 

Who would’ve thought that your Friday night would end up with you in your now boyfriend’s arms, looking up at the sparking constellations as they shone brightly against the darkened sky. Your eyes stared into his, as you sat up, your mind falling further into your thoughts as you lifted a hand to his hair, lightly pushing a couple strands away from his face. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asks, placing his head in between your neck and your shoulder, placing a soft against the skin

“You.” Your face lights up with a smile as his body chuckles against you. 

His lips move up to your cheek, pressing a soft kiss there, before you both look back up at the night sky. You’ve never felt happier than in this moment with Kuroo. The cool wind blowing and the soft grass pressing into your legs as your body was pressed against his.

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[tootiredmotel]

Tagged by the wonderful handsome lovely @dindjharin whom I just adore, thank you hun!!! <3

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

name/nickname: Gen

gender: she/her

star sign: sagittarius

height: 5′2″ lol

time: 12:20 am

birthday: December 19th

favorite bands/groups: at the moment? Make Out Monday and Julie and the Phantoms (shh they count). Forever? ABBA, Queen, The Beatles (yes unironically). Imma say Pentatonix and Citizen Queen too cause I'm a sucker for vocals. Sometimes Fall Out Boy and Imagine Dragons idk

favorite solo artists: okay the truth is I don’t actually follow that many artists, if a song slaps it slaps, but Ben Platt and Malinda Kathleen Reese (plus the groups above) are exceptions

song stuck in my head: Bad Decisions by Bastille for some reason

last movie: Wonder Woman 84

last show: Supernatural 

when did i create this blog: psh six or seven years ago maybe? But I started actually using it like five years ago

what do i post: whatever I’m hyperfixating on (shows, movies, the works)

last thing googled: towns and cities in Nebraska (for a fic I haven’t even started)

other blogs: nope my one blog shall be as mixed up and messy as I am

do i get asks: very (very) rarely, but I love when I do

why i chose my url: cause I have hazel eyes!!! and I’m bi!!!!!

following: 247

followers: 147

average hours of sleep: 3-7 during school, 7-9 during break if I let myself

lucky number: no clue but I’ve always been partial to 8 I guess??

Instruments: voice and ukulele, hopefully guitar and/or piano someday

what am i wearing: t-shirt and pajama pants!

dream job: ya know what?? no idea. But hopefully something creative in tv or film (writing or directing or something)

dream trip: New York, Argentina, Italy, Egypt, literally so many places

favorite food: pasta babeyyyy

nationality: 🇵🇷

favorite song: dude I can’t pick ONE I’m SORRY

last book read: uuhhh it might’ve been Kami Garcia and Gabriel Picolo’s Raven but don’t take my word for it

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: I’m too tired to think about this in depth so let’s go with spn, mcu, and whichever of the dc franchises

Tagging: @afandomplace @castielsbeeslippers @aniridescentdreamer @don-tcallme-nymphadora @shipallthegayships @aureganemerryl @theabsolutemagicpotato @buckysoldatbarnes @meanwhilemisha22 and anyone else who may want to!! No pressure y'all! Sending so much love <3

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 11

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Pairings: Steve Rogers X Reader (Best Friend) Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 1531

Warnings: Language, Bullying Themes

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change.

Eyup my Loves! so it’s been a while since I last added to the story, I tried my best to keep my writing similar to my previous chapters, let me know what you all think! any advice or constructive criticism is welcome :) I’ll shush now, enjoy!

(This is what I Imagine Annetta to look like :) )

So, in case you were all wondering, the day didn’t get any better. I mean I kinda knew that kids my age could be massive A holes to each other, but I didn’t really expect to see it literally the flipping second I ‘walked’ through the doors. And by walked I mean dragged by the duo known as my own personal demons, or Steve and Bucky to the rest of the population.  A crowd of kids were all gathered around a row of lockers, loads of the shitheads were cheering and encouraging whatever the hell was goin’ on, and as I was about to find out it wasn’t a surprise performance by Frank Sinatra. Safe to say that was a bigger disappointment that diet coke. Anyway, what was I saying ? oh yeah, stood at the front of the crowd were a bunch of lasses that couldn’t of been older than 16, in their hands was a bunch of eggs and flour. At the bottom of their feet, on the floor, was a kid around the same age as me, her glasses were snapped in half and the bottom of to shirt was ripped, but what disgusted me the most was the fact she was begging for help as these girls smashed egg after egg into her face. You know how bulls lose their shit when they see somethin’ red? Yeah imagine that but 10x worse, the lads didn’t have time to stop me as I tore through the crowd ready to beat the ever-loving shit outta these pricks.

“‘OI! WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT ARE YOU DOIN’”  the crowd fell silent as the girls turned to me with what one can only assume was supposed to be a ‘threatening’ glare, if I’m being completely honest it looked like they’d all simultaneously crapped em self’s. One of the girls stepped forwards, she was only a tad taller than me, her hair was a bright red, her green eyes were narrowed at me like she couldn’t believe someone was actually talking back to her. I think this is the part where I yell surprise right ? no? okay then. “Not that I care, but who the hell do you think you are? You got any idea who I am?” she sneered at me, oh my god! I’ve found someone with a bigger ego than Bucky. How in the hell is that possible. “well from first glance I’da said Santa Clause’s ex-wife but I reckon he’d have a better taste in girls now I’ve seen you up close”. And que the outraged gasps from her minions in 3,2,1…. I could hear a few people laughin’ and if I weren’t mistaken a very loud “Oh Jesus wept” from barney boy. Oooh yeah that’s when I know I’m doing my job right.

“YOU BITCH!” she screamed at me, her grubby little hands started swinging towards me in such an exaggerated way it was almost funny, I mean come on anyone coulda seen that comin’ from a mile off. And like the genius I am, I literally just side stepped her as she lunged forward,  an’ from the look on her face she weren’t expecting that, it was like the world slowed down as she surged forward unable to stop herself. Well that was till she landed head -first in the bin. I’d be a big fat liar if I said I wasn’t on the floor dying from laughter. Her legs were flailing above her head as she struggled to pull herself outta there, her cronies tried to help by grabbing her legs but that ended with one of em sporting one heck of a shiner on her right eye. A small sniffle pulled my attention away from the rather hilarious sight, glancing behind me I saw the young lass still on the ground, holdin’ her glasses which were in half with tears rolling down her cheeks. “hey, it’s okay now, they’ve gone. Here take my hand, lets get ya cleaned up eh? Reckon they’re be a bathroom round here somewhere”. The lass didn’t say anything to me, only looking at me with apprehension before taking my outstretched hand and leading us to the bathroom, the sound of the crowd growing quieter as we moved further away from it. “Thanks for saving me from Monica, she’s been bullying me since we were 11, nobody’s ever stood up for me before.” Her voice was so quiet, it shook from the effort it took her to hold back her tears, and I admired her strength, not a lotta girls woulda gone this long and not tell a teacher. “Don’t worry about it mate, I’m sorry it took so long for someone to defend ya, my names y/n by the way, don’t think we’ve met” her brown eyes met mine, as a small smile spread across her face, I couldn’t really tell what colour her hair was but I’m guessing it’s a shade a brown,  other than that she looked like a completely normal person. “My names Annetta, you’re right we ain’t met yet but I’m glad we did”.

-Later that day

It took us ‘bout 30 minutes to get all the egg off Annetta, best we could do was wash it off and cover up the stains with the cardigan I leant her, but what really put the icing on the cake was the teacher in period 1 yellin’ at us for being so late. The temptation to yeet my shoe at someone had never been as strong as it was in that moment, fortunately for the overgrown turnip of a teacher I had to settle for a mean ass side eye. And man was it a mean one.

Apart from that the day had gone by with no more incidents, well unless you count me chasing Bucky round the canteen with a carton of milk for stealin’ half my lunch, much to Annetta’s entertainment and Steve’s embarrassment. I mean the butthole deserved it, nobody and I mean NOBODY messes with my lunch. Even blue-eyed boys with a smile that could charm the devil….what am I sayin’?!

ANYWAYS it’s now what? 4th period I think, which meant English with Annetta, and maybe my favourite boys in the world. Shakespeare and Charles Dickens. Bet ya thought I were gonna say Steve and Bucky right? Well they’re currently sat behind me debating who’d win in a fight, Popeye, or Bugs Bunny. I’m surrounded by idiots. Thankfully, the teacher walked into the classroom and saved me, Mrs Davis seemed like a nice woman, she had a friendly smile and roundish face, her hair tied back into a neat bun as she took a seat. Now I’ll save you the boring bits, she started the lesson with a pop quiz which was just plain rude, about halfway through it the door burst open and there stood my best friend in the entire world. Monica. I have to say I loved her new style, the schools P.E kit really brought out the judgement in her eyes, did you detect my sarcasm yet?.

You wanna know what made her entrance even more dramatic ? the lovely aroma of gone off milk and rotted banana skins that followed her around the room,  I could help the smirk on my face as everyone around me started gagging at the smell. If you ask me I reckon it’s an improvement, I mean she certainly captures the attention of everyone in the room. Monica’s face started to match her hair, quickly racing over to Mrs Davis to give her the tardy slip before taking her seat which just had to be across from me, whoopee for me. Eventually Mrs Davis got the attention back to her, carrying on with her lesson, which moved onto matching up the famous English literature quotes with the character and book. To be fair this was actually a load of fun for me, even if Steve butchered a line from Romeo and Juliet, I don’t remember Shakespeare saying, ‘ A rose by any other name would smell as bad’. The way I banged my head on the table made Annetta think I broke my neck. Fun times people.

Of course, my reaction didn’t escape Mrs Davis’s attention, just my luck eh?. “Miss y/n, seeing as you seem to know everything, answer me this. Elizabeth Bennet is a main character in a well-known book, she’s known for the quote ‘I am a no bird and no net ensnares me. I am a free human being with an independent will’. The question is who is the author of this book is it A) Charles Dickens B) Jane Austen or C) Arthur Conan Doyle ?”. Is she being for real right now?. “Miss? With no disrespect the question itself is wrong, that wasn’t said by Elizabeth Bennet from pride and Prejudice, but said by Jane Eyre, and it was written by Charlotte Brontë”. A small smile spread across her face, which was confusing as all heck and a tad creepy to be honest, “very well-done Miss y/n, that’s the first time a student has gotten that question correct.”……

What in the name of ever-loving fluff just happened?….

So our girl is back and kicking butt! hopefully it’s not as bad as I think it is, and again I want to thank you all again for being so patient with me, good news is I’ve got the rest of the book written already! I’ll be posting them at least once a week.

Lots of love,

Rose xxx

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

hello hello hello!  and welcome to Season 12 of Supernatural. 

I admit that initially I STRUGGLED WITH SEASON 12.  I LOATHED the British Men of Letters (other than Lady Antonia Bevell; her hot working mom energy can get it); I have...mixed feelings about Mary; overall it was not a stellar season for me the first go-round.  HOWEVER I shall now give it a second chance,  and look for the subtext within the bad (and if my theory tracks, there will be much subtext as...there is much bad).  Maybe I’ll even develop Ketch appreciation.  **ONWARDS ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH, MY FRIENDS:

When we last left Dean, I neglected to mention that Amara brought his mom back (this is how much I repressed Mary Winchester I guess?)  We cut to Mary, confused, in a nightgown (I get this is part of the character and that’s why she is wearing it sO wE kNOw iTS rEAlLy MaRY WinCHEstEr because of her nightgown and not Sam Smith’s exquisite face, but honestly WHY - LIKE DID SHE WEAR THE DAMN THING IN HEAVEN THE ENTIRE TIME TOO?).

DEAN [breathing heavily] 

Mom. Listen to me. Your name – your name is Mary Sandra Campbell, okay? You were born December 5, 1954, to Samuel and Deanna Campbell. Your father, he bounced around a lot for, uh, work, and you bounced right along with him, and you ended up in Lawrence, Kansas.

MARY 

How do you know all that?

DEAN 

Dad told me. March 23, 1972, you walked out of a movie theater – Slaughterhouse-Five. You loved it, and you bumped into a big Marine and you knocked him flat on his ass. You were embarrassed, and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So, you went to, uh, Mulroney's and you talked and he was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that – that you met –

MARY 

John Winchester.

DEAN 

August 19, 1975, you were married... in Reno. Your idea. A few years later, I came along, then Sammy.

***DEAN DESCRIBING EVERY DAMN DETAIL OF THIS HAS MURDERED ME.  Also, I know John Winchester “told him the story,” but something about this retelling - these are NOT John Winchester’s words (other than maybe “big Marine”).  The emotions, the feelings, the “you talked and he was cute” Dean is describing is Dean’s retelling, the version he created in his mind of this damn meet-cute, this little love story he played over and over in his head, and that makes me feel warm and tingly and also want to ingest sharp knives.  

***Everyone already knows about the damn Zeppelin reference but just in case you wanted to be tortured, please recall that later on we will get

THIS FUCKING SHIT

Nothing to see here other than Dean using a reference from this LOVE STORY on Cas.  I HATE it here in super hell.  Next rounds on you, Sam.

Anyway, Mary has caught on:

I paused here just now because I had a tHoUGHt.  This season is all about exploring Dean and Sam in their role as sons (this is discussed at the SDCC panel prior to the season; btw they are all free on Prime and I recommend watching before you start each new season for little “reveals” behind some of the plot lines).  We know Sam has no relationship to Mary really, he was a baby when she died, but Dean was a little boy - with a personality, character traits, identifying characteristics that his mother probably knew like the back of her hand.  That’s why my first run-in with Mary left a bad taste in mouth during this season - LIKE THIS IS YOUR KID, and there is NO inkling or recognition until THIS moment?  In a show that just spent an entire season exploring the “unexplained connection” between Dean and GODS SISTER, there no immediate “OH” from his own mother?!

But then I realized why she only connected at this very moment.  This particular moment - and not the moment where he lists the factual details about her before the story of the night she met John.  That little story with all those cute details - that’s the part of Dean that Mary knew before she died - when that part was ALL of Dean.  Before hunting, before John’s quest for revenge turned him into the person he is today, before he saw himself as a blunt little instrument.  That’s why initially Mary has no recognition that this is her son - because the Dean she knew was sensitive, and kind, and OPEN, and liked love stories, and laughing, and warm hugs and maybe flowers. Because if you think about it WE DONT KNOW THAT DEAN.  We only know Dean AMD. (After Mary’s Death).

*****************************************************************************************************

So maybe Mary represents Dean Before Mary’s Death, and whatever part of that Dean remains, no matter how deep he has been buried.  The part that connects with people; the part that doesn’t want to be alone.  The part that helped Amara.  The part that loves Cas.  And that’s why Amara brought her back.  

*****************************************************************************************************

Ok, if I think of it this way, I may like Mary a little better now.

BUT ALSO MY BABY:

Cut to Cas.

[THE MAN WALKS OVER TO THE EDGE OF THE CRATER MADE BY THE LANDING AND SEES CASTIEL PULLING HIMSELF OUT.]

MAN 

Holy mother.

[CASTIEL STANDS UP AND LOOKS AROUND]

CASTIEL 

Where am I?

MAN

Uh...Earth?

CASTIEL 

No. How far am I from Lebanon, Kansas?

MAN 

Uh... Th-three hours, maybe. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Who – What are you, man?

[CASTIEL WALKS TOWARDS THE MAN AND TOUCHES HIM ON THE FOREHEAD. THE MAN DROPS TO THE GROUND. CASTIEL LEAVES HIM THERE AS HE DRIVES OFF IN THE TRUCK]

***I spy a Season 11 random parallel

And Cas says, “Earth - 

***Also, I often wonder if in his mind’s inner GPS, Cas bases distances on how far he is from Dean. 

In the meantime, Bad Things Are Happening to Sam.

***Toni Bevell, don’t join the British Men of Letters you’re so sexy hahah

Other than noting that this is yet another too oft- repeated Sam, the Victim, Always Gets Tortured scenario, I see no point in recapping these parts.

I will just continue to post Toni Bevell hotness for these portions of the episode. Ok?  Ok.  You’re welcome.

BACK TO THE BUNKER:

I already posted this sweet baby reunion in my final Season 11 analysis/recap, but lets see it again at another angle and from Mary’s perspective CAUSE CLEARLY she has...*thoughts*

Poor Cas had no idea he was about to MEET THE PARENT 

It melts my little heart that Dean uses Cas’s full name to introduce him to people.  Especially members of his family who are trying to kill him.

Anyway, then we get a much longed for gem of typical Cas deadpan:

(*I still miss Casifer a little bit though*)

And then we have 

A MOMENT OF CONNECTION!  

At the SDCC panel, Misha specifically noted that both Mary and Cas are outsiders, so this tracks. 

They head to the garage:

[Exhaling sharply, Mary walks towards Baby. She runs her hand lightly over the car.]

MARY This was John's car. Oh, she's still beautiful.

DEAN Hell, yeah, she is.

MARY Hi, sweetheart. Remember me?

[MARY LEANS DOWN AND LOOKS INTO THE CAR SMILING. SHE STARTS LOOKING AT THE FRONT SEAT BUT HER EYES AND HER THOUGHTS LINGER ON THE BACK SEAT. DEAN LEANS DOWN LOOKING AT THE INTERIOR OF THE CAR WITH PRIDE. DEAN LOOKS AT HIS MOM AND REALIZES SHE’S HAVING VERY SPECIFIC MEMORIES OF TIME IN THE BACK SEAT. DEAN LOOKS AROUND THE CAR, AND LOOKS AT HIS MOM.]

***this is where you truly see that Sam Smith is a genius because she took those directions and put them all into THIS:

And then THIS:

DEAN 

Oh…

[MARY LOOKS UP AT DEAN. DEAN REALIZES HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN CONCEIVED IN THAT CAR, STANDS UP QUICKLY AND LOOKS OVER THE CAR. DEAN SWALLOWS HARD, AND GLANCES AT CASTIEL WHO GIVES HIM A QUIZZICAL LOOK.]

DEAN 

We should go.

***At this time I would like to remind everyone that Cas is also generally in the back seat of this car.  

MOVING ON

Meanwhile-

Back at the bunker, Cas is Continuing to Connect with his boyfriend’s mother:

[EXTERIOR DAY; INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS AND THE NOISE OF VIDEO GAMES ARE HEARD. THE CAMERA PANS TO MARY WHO’S WATCHING THE SCENE. CASTIEL IS PICKING UP COFFEE.]

CASTIEL 

Thank you.

[CASTIEL TAKES THE COFFEE TO MARY AND SITS DOWN.]

CASTIEL

This must be difficult for you. I remember my first moments on Earth. It was jarring.

MARY 

One word for it. I grew up with Hunters. I've heard of people coming back from the dead before. But to actually do it... after 30 years. A lot's changed.

[MARY LOOKS AROUND.]

MARY A lot.

Cas:

This is usually a look Reserved For Dean, so its interesting Cas is looking at Mary here [they also weirdly joked about Cas hitting on Mary at the SDCC panel and now I'm giggling because if Mary represents the soft part of Dean this all makes PERFECT SENSE).

BONUS

Actual footage of Sam in super hell

The Cas/Mary bonding worked BTW:

[INTERIOR: GREGORY IS SITTING IN FRONT OF HIS DESK WITH CASTIEL, DEAN, AND MARY STANDING BEFORE HIM.]

DEAN 

So, you dug the bullet out of his leg, no questions asked?

GREGORY 

She offered me 100 grand.

MARY 

And you took it?

GREGORY 

Student loans were a bitch, okay?

[ANGRILY CASTIEL STARTS TOWARDS GREGORY.]

DEAN 

Cas! Cas! Cas! Don't hurt him. Not yet.

**Disclosure: I do not accept the “Cass” spelling and take creative license to change it in the script whenever it appears**

GREGORY 

All right, look, she didn't give me her name. When we were done, the driver bailed, I got paid, and then some other chick shows up, and they all drive away.

MARY 

And that's everything you know?

GREGORY 

(insincerely) Yeah. Totally.

****Um, Mom that’s my boyfriend you don’t order him around like tha-

Oh, well, ok then.

***This is important, because Cas doesn’t obey anyone (other than Dean) blindly ever since he invented free will and all that.  Hence Dean’s surprised/impressed look to Mary above.  

Meanwhile:

I recall that I spent most of my first watch of Season 12 gushing over Toni Bevell, so I’m glad to know this won’t be changing.  You’ve been warned.

Next up, Sam is again sex tortured, Cas is a Helpful Boyfriend, and for some reason, Rick Springfield.  

[simplydm]

I posted 18,798 times in 2021

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

It is my personal belief that you could tune in to any Foolish double-underscore Gamers stream and get some hilarious quotes. To prove that theory here’s some quotes from various streams I’ve caught over the past week:

“Tomatoes are strange creatures. I don’t trust them. I trust tomatoes about as far as I can throw them, which I suppose is a lot. Maybe that was a bad analogy.”

“Am i a fruit? Am i a carb? No, I’m definitely a protein!”

“I drink chocolate milk” (in response to someone asking him how he does so much building without giving up)

“I’d be the guy in the apocalypse whose always chewing gum.”

“Do you get money if you invent a word?”

“See most people have boring merch, like shirts and hoodies. I’m gonna sell you guys dictionaries.”

“They could just call [the ear canal] the ear sewer.”

“The ear void? That sounds too dangerous.”

“I was stacking sand like an animal!”

“If anything, I underthink.”

“I’m like a dolphin, or a shark... whatever drinks water.”

“It’s good to have some muffins before kicking ass.”

“Do not tell hbomb that I meowed. I did it for money, not pleasure.”

“Is tarnation a word?”

2500 notes • Posted 2021-05-13 21:10:50 GMT

#4

Everyone make way for the new main fucking character

2734 notes • Posted 2021-11-28 20:58:12 GMT

#3

My theory is Techno is just standing there on top of that mountain, looking at all those blueprints, and sweating bc he’s just a lil piggy… he can’t read

And his bestie is a fucking bird who also can’t read

Dream’s gonna be in there forever bc he enlisted barn animals to break him out

3730 notes • Posted 2021-09-14 21:34:10 GMT

#2

*goodtimeswithscar voice* what is up my fellow mothers and fuckers

3839 notes • Posted 2021-06-29 17:30:36 GMT

#1

Dream, thinking that Techno’s on his side: “...and then I hit him over and over with my fists until he died! Then I had the idea to leave Tommy dead for a while to know what’s beyond death! Isn’t that so cool?”

Techno: “yeah man super cash money of you” *mouths “what the fuck” to the security camera*

6638 notes • Posted 2021-06-07 00:50:40 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[retphienix]

Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

[im-gettingby]

30 Days of Carry On

posted (and written by?) @captain-aralias

(I’m doing most of these at once because I said so. it’s long so under the cut)

1. Favourite major character

I literally thought — Simon no Baz no Penny no, Agatha!

I guess I will pick Simon, since I relate to him the most — or at least, my connection to him led me into the fandom.

2. Favourite minor character

I think we all know this one 🐑🐑🐑

I have written many a treatise on Lamb Rights. I’ll spare everyone now

3. Character you relate to the most

Oops— I already answered this, kinda. I relate to them in different ways: I relate a lot to WS Simon because he has abandonment issues and “kid who was told he was extraordinary and then grew up to be ordinary” issues. We also both have a “fix all the things for everyone” complex, too.

Baz — It took me a while to get into Baz’s head, but I would say, I relate to him because of his intense emotional world and tendency to see the world through an intensely romantic/tragic lens. But also he’s a Pisces. and I’d never do that like a Pisces does. (Sorry, not sorry.)

4. Which character would you like to go to lunch with?

SHEPARD obviously. I don’t feel the need to elaborate.

5. Favourite non-Snowbaz ship

Ooh! Probably Lamb/Baz or Simon/Shep or just...literally anything. Like, I will read anything as long as it’s well written. The weirder the better. (Within...legal and moral limits.) in my other fandoms I’ve been a big multishipper and there’s not a lot of options for that in CO - which is fine - but wholeheartedly support rarepairs :D

6. Favourite non-romantic OTP

So, obviously Simon/Penny and Baz/Penny are great ones, but I think the nearest & dearest to my heart is Simon/Agatha. The kind of siblings/unwillingly dating/weird exes dynamic and the way they both shaped each other’s lives is just so interesting. And while Simon & Penny are closer, Agatha and Simon represent their aspirational selves to one another. And the way that they were both tied to one another along with their gender roles/places in society and both broke away at the same time is just...mwah

7. Favourite Baz outfit

I honestly dress kinda like Baz. Anything involving a printed silk shirt or a floral brocade suit, so like, all of them? I love WS Baz, his fashion sense is so thoughtful yet fun. He’s so expressive with it — in the sense of both being guarded, being sexy, and playing with masculinity/femininity.

8. How do you feel about Wayward Son?

In case it wasn’t obvious, I absolutely love it. I mean, from a writing/narrative standpoint, I don’t think it’s the most elegant or engaging book ever written, but it’s just so raw and fresh. I don’t see many examples of an author trying to do what Rainbow did, which is build a complex emotional AND plot-driven story with so many characters and so much lore. I’m very excited for AWTWB.

9. Favourite scene from Carry On, besides Chapter 61

I like what the book does/sets up overall. Honestly probably the first scene, where Simon walks to the bus stop & takes the train and just thinks about his life and makes lists -- I love Simon. I know Rainbow said she thinks that bit is boring, but it honestly says so much about his character in a short time. (and he’s an extremely complex character!) Also, Baz’s dramatic entrance. Also, the chapter where Baz says “and I’m hopelessly in love with him” because it’s just so dramatic, and it comes out of nowhere

10. Favourite scene from Wayward Son, besides Chapter 41

Baz and Lamb’s journey across the Strip - vampire lore, jealous Simon, Baz getting to be his own character— it’s beautiful.

11. Remind us about something in canon readers might have forgotten about

Ahahaha um. Simon says he thinks Baz’s cousin Marcus is fit. That’s pretty funny.

12. What are your hopes and fears for Any Way the Wind Blows?

I don’t have any hopes because I don’t want to be disappointed - and that’s not a cynical thing, I just want to go into it with an open mind. (I’ll take a break from fandom and reread the books beforehand so I’m (more of) a blank slate) I guess just...interesting emotional journeys, whatever that ends up being. There’s a lot that Rainbow has to do in the book and I don’t think any one person could get through all of it -- that’s why we have fanfiction.

Fears? I don’t know. I think just...the series ending. Even though I’ve been in fandom for less than a year I just really love this fandom & the thought of that kind of eroding away is sad. But also I don’t think that will happen immediately, and change is a part of life. I’ve never related as much to Cath as I do now :’)

13. An unpopular/cracky opinion you hold

unpopular: Lamb is the best character; I don’t want Simon to get his magic back; both Simon and Baz should have other romantic options.

14. Something from your head fanon

Hmmmmmmm well. Just mean things about Baz really. Like that he’s weird looking, not that great at football, and actually has kind of garish fashion sense. (which is a self-roast as well - see above.) I just feel like Simon/fandom put him on a pedestal, and Simon’s an unreliable narrator re: Baz anyway. So I like the idea that Baz is this average looking kinda strange nerdy guy who is everything Simon has ever wanted in life.

And before you tell me that Baz was hot at Watford and Agatha was into him, have you ever been to a tiny boarding school? Standards get weird 😂😂😂 and Terry being into him — come on. The guy’s a violent pervert.

also - back to Watford being a tiny school. Baz doesn’t have much competition to be the star of the football team. (also, does anyone except Simon even think that he is?)

16. Favourite location other than Watford

Vegas!

17, Favourite location in Watford

I’m pretty bad at Watford lore/geography bc again, I’m way more into WS. Probably the floor in the Cloisters where everything happens the same way, just a day later. There’s a fic there, but I can’t wrap my head around all the time travel implications enough to write it.

18. What would be your favourite subject at Watford?

Any potions-esque subject because I loved chemistry lab. Latin because I loved Latin in school. Uhhhh I don’t like history class, so not that — maybe a literature course focused on the derivation of spells.

19. What would your magical implement be?

Ooh! This is a good one. I’d like to think it would be a weird body piercing. Or a belt a la Gareth. Maybe some kind of traditional south Asian jewelry, like a nose chain or mang-tikka or something. maybe a hat. like, imagine your magical instrument being a fedora and you just have to...wear a fedora all the time.

21. Favourite canon spell

Hm. Kiss it better? Candle in the wind?I should try to think of a non-horny one. honestly they’re all so cool and clever - I love the magic system in CO/WS.

22. What would your eighth year spell at Watford be or do?

Maybe something from a poem I love. That would probably be pretty but not very functional. Or a healing spell.

23. Who would you want as your roommate?

Agatha is uptight, Penny is passive aggressive, Simon is a slob, Baz is both uptight and passive aggressive.

Definitely Shepard.

24. Favourite item of merchandise, official or unofficial

My @subparselkie sticker

25. Favourite book cover design

WS. Oh, another unpopular opinion - I don’t like the kevin wada cover of carry on. their faces look so weird and the colors don’t work for me. I own the version with the blue and yellow cover art instead

26. Do you want a movie? If yes - any fan casts for the movie?

Probably wouldn’t want a movie! Because I am way too possessive of these books/this version of the story. And I am historically extremely disappointed by adaptations — I get upset with the smallest of changes 😂

27. If they made a movie, what scenes do you think they’d cut that you’d be furious were missing?

See above. A LOT haha

28. If you could ask Rainbow Rowell one question, what would it be? (If you have already, you can share if you like)

What is Lamb’s full name????? Is it actually Lamb Lambert Lamborghini the third???

What is Rainbow’s relationship with sheep and goats. Why are there so many references to them

29. Have you read any of Rainbow’s other books?

Only Fangirl

30. How did you get into Carry On and/or Carry On fandom?

I read fangirl & the pages at the end mentioned carry on, so I read that, and enjoyed it but I wasn’t obsessed. Then I read WS spring 2020, reread it a bunch of times, reread CO, freaked out about the cliffhanger/cool vampire stuff/unresolved sexual tension, had pandemic cabin fever, got on AO3, and the rest is history.

As @annabellelux knows, I wrote my first (published) fanfic after reading her amazing fic Drop The Game. and the first fanfic I read was @captain-aralias’ Greener Grass. I was so obsessed that about a month later, I searched through the AO3 tags for it, because I couldn’t remember the title or author but kept thinking about it.

[tessagracerichards]

I saw [TESSA RICHARDS] at a coffee shop in [MANHATTAN] today. I forgot how much [SHE] looks like [ZOEY DEUTCH]. They are a [TWENTY-SIX] year old [CHILD LIFE SPECIALIST] who’s been in NYC for [THREE YEARS] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [TENDERHEARTED AND NURTURING] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [BLUNT AND GUARDED]. [SHE IS LOVE BY PARACHUTE] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio. — [saxon, she/her, 26, cst]

Out Of Character

Hello hello bbies! I am Saxon and this is the absolute labor of my love Tessa, please love her even though she doesn’t deserve it! I am very open to connections, ideas and plotting so please, please, please do not hesitate to hit me up if you want to conjure something up with my disaster child! 

Also please forgive the mess that is this intro and her Pinterest, she’s been around for years so things have built up and gotten chaotic over time. I really told myself I would shorten her intro but I didn’t manage much, please look away. 

Basic Information

Full Name: Tessa Grace Richards.

Nickname(s): Tess, Tessie. 

Date of Birth: November 10th, 1994.

Gender: Cisfemale.

Pronouns: She/Her.

Orientation: Heterosexual.

Language(s) Spoken: English, Sign, Spanish.

Pinterest

Background

So Tessa was born to an unwed couple who were in their mid 30′s at the time, her mom thought the two of them were hopelessly in love until Tessa was four and dude just dipped? Her mom came home one day and all his stuff was gone, no note or anything, he emptied their account and they haven’t ever heard from him since.

Her mom is an absolute saint of a woman however (think Lorelai from Gilmore Girls meets Donna Sheridan from Mamma Mia), just an absolute quirky angel of a woman who definitely took in and helped abandoned animals but was also the place all the kids in town knew they could go if they had shitty parents/living situations or just a bad day and they needed a safe place to go? So obviously she stepped up and took down all dudes pictures and just raised Tessa like the single boss she is.

Tessa grew up into like an angel of a kid but oh buddy was she a chaotic one. Total tomboy, full of insane energy and personality, always on the move and exploring and doing things she shouldn’t be. Definitely the type to show up back at home as the suns going down just covered in dirt and bumps and bruises. 100% knocked her own baby teeth out from falling and slamming her face and had two front silver teeth as a little kid.

She was never very girly and because she grew up in this southern town that was just full of very critical asshole kids from more well-off families than her own was, particularly the girls who were very prissy, she definitely ended up clicking more with boys and quickly became ‘one of the guys’. Like undoubtedly had an all male friend group and was definitely the girl that girlfriends would be paranoid about while all the dudes were like confused as to how their girls were jealous because Tessa was just like another guy/little sibling, there was no interest on either end.

Has slight anger management issues? Like she’s chill but when she blows up man does she blow up. Pushed a girl down a flight of stairs at school after she made a remark about a friend, the family pressed charges and Tessa had to go to anger management classes and serve community service hours. She also got kicked out of school and just decided not to go back, went online and just got her GED at seventeen instead.

She realized her hometown didn’t have much to offer her and it wasn’t where she belonged, nor was she ready for college, so she took what money she had saved and instead purchased a sprinter van and began road tripping around the U.S.

At some point along the way, dumbass met a boy that wormed his way into her heart and it was a kind of a slightly unstable relationship because she would try and push away from him and her feelings but he always drew her back? Already has a shitty relationship with love after her father and two not ideal high school romances. Dude tried though and even proposed after like months of them being together and she panicked and ran but still he drew her back and they agreed that they should chill with the idea of engagement/marriage? There was always another girl in the picture though and even though he assured her that his feelings were with her, his actions often seemed to show otherwise.

After yet another break, the two ended up sleeping together but she definitely realized that he wasn’t in love with her at all/anymore so she saved herself the conversation and just dipped before he woke up and ran, spent a solid week just out partying/drinking and ended up sleeping with some stranger and  then ended up pregnant with no clue as to which guy was the baby’s father. Whether fortunately or unfortunately, it was the one night stand’s who decided he had no interest in being around.

Obviously she knew she needed to change her course and focus on becoming a mother and setting up a future for herself and her child, but not being financially independent enough, she reached out to a lifelong friend who allowed her to move in and began to figure out school.

She’s always been a big fan of kids (worked for a daycare after school, got involved with a charity that worked with orphans/orphanages while traveling) and so she decided that she wanted to be a child life specialist and is still in school but also working an internship with Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital.

Ended up having a little girl named Addison (Addi), this child is her whole world and she’s definitely the mom that posts about their kid too much on social media but she’s just turned Tessa’s life around and helped her mature in ways she wouldn’t have without her and she just loves her kid more than anything/anyone else.

Personality

A dork? Literally the biggest dork, the dorkiest of dorks, just a whole friggen dork. This child rambles like you wouldn’t believe and her mouth 100% works faster than her brain so like you never know what to expect but she’s just a happy, friendly, sarcastic little bean with social anxiety and a heart of gold tbh.

Also an aggressive lil’ lady though, like 12/10 chance she’ll throw hands if you want to fuck with or say something about the people she loves.

A chaotic soul as well like down to party and have a good time and will definitely drink a dude under the table, definitely broke her ribs two summers in a row from a drinking game because this child doesn’t know when to slow down or chill out, she’s just trying to live.

But also the mom friend? Like even before becoming a mom, she’s used to taking care of people and making sure everyone’s good like? 100% convinced her friends to do dumb shit as  a teenager and then turned around and tended to their wounds. Also if you’re in her house and it’s meal time, you’re eating. It’s not an option, like sit and eat dinner and tell me about your day.

Emotional as hell, like definitely cries during commercials and Disney movies, but like if you’re trying to tap into her serious emotions she’s gonna shut that shit down. She keeps people locked out tbh and just jokes about the serious shit in her life if she does talk about it.

Desired Connections

Friends; could have lived in/visited Texas and met when she was younger, met while she was traveling,  met through her charity work or just after her/them having moved to New York recently.

Exes; so her most recent ex is off limits because it’s based off a real connection but like either of her exes from high school? The first one (cheated on her) would have had to have lived in Texas for some time but the latter (only with her on a bet to see how long it would take to get in her pants, she broke dude’s nose when she found out) could have been visiting friends/family for a summer? If anyone has a character that works for these I’m down for the drama.

Hookups; Tessa is very weird about hookups/one night stands so this is a little limited but my girl definitely needs a few. 

Half siblings; so Tessa’s dad basically bailed when she was little - maybe he had another family? He could have had a kid before her who he also bailed on, could have started a family during the same time or after, he could have stayed there for them or bailed on them as well? They could know about Tessa, or neither could know about the other? Tessa pry wouldn’t know about them because she made it a point to never bother searching for this man let alone any family but literally I’m down for whatever other ideas you’ve got on this one!

Patients; if anyone has any younger siblings or kids of their own that perhaps Tessa helped or is currently helping take care of through her internship? She does everything from work in the hospital to house calls and works with both the medical and therapeutic aspects of things.