#is now a good time to mention we are joking
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"Will you overthinking this?" He asked as we were walking hand in hand in the park.
Me, fully aware I have already started overthinking the moment he mentioned that her friend broke off her relationship: "....... juuup"
"What are you overthinking about? Lets discuss it together, let me help"... I explained how, maybe, now that she is single, she might try to get over a guy by getting under another one. Or maybe, since you guys tall about problems and are pretty close, she turns to flirting now that she is single. "Okay and? Why would I get into that while I have my girlfriend at home? I would say no thank you. Also, I don't think she is the person to do that. I have met her before she was in a relationship, and she also wasn't like this then". Okay, well, .. maybe she will have heard bad things about me and will not like me or she will think I am not good enough for you, or too much, and tell you to break up with me. I mean, I'm in a relationship with you, not with her, but ja, well... He put his arms around me and stopped us from walking on, hugging me from behind. "Sometimes I forget how insecure you can be. Do you really think I'll just break up with you because someone tells me to? And besides, I think you should meet her. She is really kind and everytime I mentioned something, she was always more on the reassuring side." Well, I also thought your other friend was kind.. "..... true. ..... I don't have an argument against that."
"So... if she were to still be in a relationship, would it be okay? .. meh, I feel like that's a bad excuse. "Yeah she is in a relationship anyway" , as if that changes anything. Doesn't that sound like a bad thing to you?" Hmm. Well. Honestly, I felt better when she was in a relationship, assuming it wasn't an u know who typa relationship. It's always a 2 people's decision. And that way, I am at least sure that one side is on the no side (as I said it out loud, I realized how fuckedup it sounded.) "Shouldn't you trust me to already be on the no side?" .... I should, yes. I just don't know what to make of the fact that you told me that you can't promise me that it won't happen again. "That was a year ago" .... "back then I wasn't super sure, and before that I was def not sure. Also, I did not want to force you to trust me (def different exact words from his, buthey, u get the point.). It's been a year." Would you get back to it and say something different now then? "Yes. I am sure that it will never happen again".
And there it was. I know he is a firm believer in actions over words, but sometimes I need words to be sure. He told me that he tells me the truth, and I know he does. Thus, if he tells me, I believe him. So. Maybe this is what I needed to truly get to trusting him again. His word. It's not a signed contract, I know. I can't sue him if his words turn out to be false. Though, I needed this. I needed his faith in himself to make sure it won't happen again. Fuck damn hey. I needed him to believe in himself. If he doesn't believe he will stop it the next time, who am I to believe so? Well well well. Before he left, if our roommate wasn't sitting right next to me, I would've said after he asked me if I'm still okay (for like, the 3th time): "if you say it won't happen again, I trust you." Fuck. And I'd mean it. I feel like I have entered a new reality. One in which it is safe for me to have faith in him. In which, sure, maybe a girl will flirt with him, but I can laugh about it. I can be proud to be with that hotstuff that she can't help but talk to. I can make jokes about it and raise my eyebrows up and down. I can do it all, and enjoy the situation, knowing. Truly knowing. That it doesn't matter at all if the other party is on the "yes-boat". He isn't, and he won't get onto it either. Even if a chance presents itself, he won't even see it as one. He has the set in stone plan to come back home to me. Even if she would get him drunk and touch him all over, ... he will say no. Even if it scares me more with booze, he is still himself. He doesn't get into a crazy trans and turns into a different person with different values. He is still the same person who held my hand as we walked in the autumn colored park, and said that it would never happen again.
It feels like something in me has been freed. As if trust was a fluffy creature within me, which was tied down. His words freed it. It still can't believe that the tiny trust guy is free. That it's safe to stand up now and run and smile and truly trust. It's astonished, grasping for those words that set it free. Wanting to hold them and craving for them to invade its veins with its lightning energy and brightness. May it no longer feel the need to stay on the ground; the ties have been undone. Fuck.
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So Danny is older, and lives in Gotham as a mechanic (he could be a We mechanic, a JLA mechanic, whatever) and eventually, he starts dating Bruce Wayne.
Now, Danny knows the Wayne at the bats, it’s kinda hard to hide your vigilantism from a former vigilante. But Danny doesn’t mention it, he knows the dangerous of telling your loved ones.
Jazz is alive and a therapist is Coast City (Jazz x Hal? Could that work? Idk too much about the green lanterns). Dan is undercover to investigate pools of corrupted ectoplasm that’s guarded by an assassin cult, and Dani is still traveling the world, not for pleasure, but for the Realms.
Dani doesn’t age. It’s a side effect of being a clone. She destabilized one to many times and now her ghost half won’t let her age so she won’t die.
Dani can’t exactly settle down in a city likes the others. She looks 12. And while her siblings would take care of her in a heartbeat, she needs to fill her obsession of history and adventure.
So, she starts hunting for old artifacts, especially the magic ones. It’s a great way to learn about history and get a sense of adventure.
She’s been doing this for a couple years, building a name for herself and she gotten very good. (Keep in mind she only looks 12, but she’s actually like 33 mentally and intellectually)
Eventually, she crosses paths with a bat while searching for an artifact. (Even better if its Duke. We need more Duke. Probably won’t work with Cass, we’ll use Duke for the prompt, but can be switched out)
Obviously, Duke is kinda confused as to why a 12 yo is going after a dangerous magic artifact in the middle of but-fuck nowhere and offers to take her to Gotham and drops her off there after taking the artifact.
Dani knows better, she was going to refuse, but the realized she could take this as a free ride. So she agrees.
The reach Githam and go their separate ways, and Dike goes joke immediately, didn’t even take the time to tell anyone about the girl. but when Duke is at home hanging with their civilian stepdad, Danny gets a call and says he’s inviting his younger sister over
Bruce: Jazz? Jazz is older that you
Danny: nope! I have another sister!
Everyone: ???
Bruce: how comes we never meet her?
Danny: you have! She was at the wedding! But you’ll see her again don’t worry! She doesn’t visit often so I’m excited!
They arrives, the bat opens the door and Dani walks in.
Danny: Dani!!
Dani: Danny!!
So people are confused, Duke is like omg my aunt is an artifact hunter?? while everyone else is like omg my aunt is younger than me??
Eventually, Danny opens her backpack and goes:
Dani: so I was in *insert random place in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere* and found this! *pulls out artifact* I thought you would like so I brought it for you!
Danny: aww, thanks Dani, you shouldn’t have
Duke, who put that artifact in the cave for study: 👁️👄👁️
And Dani gives them a wink.
Duke isn’t going to take that lying down and attempts to find out Dani’s secrets while shes thwarting him at every turn.
Dani stays at the manor for a while, but nobody believe Duke when he tries warning them of Dani, because Duke didn’t tell anyone about the artifact
Things become even more alarming when Danny also start thwarting him, despite not know the family secret. (Danny thinks that Duke is onto the family secret.)
Cue crack, angst, fluff, whatever your heart desires.
#danny phantom#dpxdc#dc x dp#dc x dp crossover#danielle phantom#dc x dp prompt#dani fenton#dp x dc crossover#batman#bruce wayne#duke thomas#signal dc#jazz fenton#danny fenton#dark danny#bruce x danny#batfamily#cvw fic summaries#cassandra cain#immortal Dani
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FORMER MANAGER
PART 5: PURITY.
Mashiro x Male Reader (4K length)
You observed your face in the reflection of the bathroom mirror, your messy hair, the marks of the sheets on your cheeks and some visible dark circles bordering your eyes, it definitely had not been your best night. You had barely slept, tossing and turning in bed all night while your head was spinning around the scene with Jang Wonyoung.
The image of her crying wouldn't disappear from your mind no matter how hard you tried, but how did this happen in the first place? The last memory you had of her was when you said goodbye years ago before returning home, back then she also cried, but this time it was totally different, her look of disappointment on you disturbed you even more than her tears.
You catched some water from the sink, throwing it over your face, trying to clear yourself up and wake up a little, because you had to continue with your life and your work, you would find a free time lapse to be able to fix this problem.
You showered, fixed your hair, and hid the traces of a terrible night on your face as well as you could before getting dressed and leaving your apartment heading to the company.
You arrived at the building where as soon as you entered, your boss was waiting for you, folder in hand, and while you both walked he explained the itinerary of the day and the schedule for the upcoming weeks. Kep1er’s members had returned from their last shows abroad, there had been a few changes at the management level, and a new comeback was already planned, so the work was going to be hard and intense.
Both of you stopped in front of one of the practice rooms, a light touch of your coworker knuckles on the door and you entered inside, a group of girls who were stretching stared at you.
“Good morning girls.” Your partner began to speak. “Before starting preparations for this new album I want to introduce you to your new full-time manager, starting on today he will take care of all of you and about everything you need.” He exclaimed, indicating for you to introduce yourself to them with a gesture of his hand.
You bowed them instantly. “Nice to meet you! I will be at your service from now on, I hope we get along well.” You said a little nervous, a feeling that disappeared when you saw the smiles and applause they offered you. “Nice to meet you, please treat us well!” They all said in unison bowing to you aswell.
"Good." Your boss interrupted. “The dance teacher will come right away to show you and start practicing the new choreographies, I hope the best from all of you. “Fighting!” He said with his fist, before handing you the information folder and leaving the room.
You watched him leave and when you looked back you jumped when you realized how the Kep1er girls had surrounded you, occupying any personal space you could have, their eyes analyzing you carefully.
"Hello!" One of them greeted with a huge smile on her face. “I'm the leader Yujin, nice to meet you, it's incredible, it's the first time I have such a young manager.” You smiled shyly, uncomfortable with the circle of people that had formed around you.
“Wow, can I call you oppa?” A girl with pink hair and rounded cheeks asked next to her, if you were not mistaken it was Kim Chaehyun, you nodded affirmatively at her question causing her to laugh.
You noticed that penetrating eyes were focused on you to the point that you realized that gaze was passing through you, you made eye contact with it, increasing your nervousness.
“Is something wrong, Xiaoting?” You asked softly making the mentioned girl blink a few times. “Do you know my name already?” She questioned surprised. “Our new manager has studied a lot!” Dayeon shouted, starting to laugh and causing the rest of the members to laugh.
“Look at his dark eyes, he sure hasn't been able to sleep all night!” Hikaru joked, releasing one of her particular laughs that resonated throughout the room, increasing the volume and joy of the rest of the members.
These girls were really loud and restless, they were going to give you a lot of headaches, yet a smile was drawn on your lips and for a while you forgot about the rest of your problems.
The dance teacher appeared and the morning passed with the girls memorizing and practicing the new choreographies, so you took the opportunity to go to your office to work on other aspects such as contacting the wardrobe team, making venue reservations where the filming would be done, hire the recording equipment.
The days went by and with the amount of work you had it was impossible to even think about Wonyoung. Your relationship with the members of Kep1er was improving and due to the characteristics of these girls, in just a week it seemed like you had been together since their debut, and that was something that relieved you and made everything much more enjoyable.
This day in question the girls would spend it in the recording studio, testing their vocals and recording the songs for the new album, so really your presence there was not very significant so your task for the day was to clean and organize everything in the house.
If you already hated doing housework, doing it in a home full of girls made you hate it excessively. A multitude of clothes scattered throughout the rooms, boxes and cardboard in every corner.
You were infinitely grateful to Bahiyyih for trying to keep the house in order, saving you some work, but the whirlwind that was Chaehyun Dayeon and Hikaru was simply unstoppable.
You finished off the apartment Yujin Bahiyyih Chaehyun and Xiaoting shared and headed upstairs to start cleaning the next one. You hadn't been there for long but there was a room that you had not yet accessed, it was a two-bed bedroom that did not belong to anyone in the group but that had serious signs of having been habited before, it was perfectly arranged and there were still clothes hanging in the closet.
You inspected said clothes, leaving them on one of the beds, you opened the drawers looking to know what, and this really had you confused.
“W-W-Who are you? What are you doing with my clothes?” A sudden voice surprised and scared you, almost making you fall on the bed when you turned to look at the door frame of the room, finding a small girl with brown hair and a rather cute appearance carrying a cardboard box in her hands, looking at you in a scared way.
“That's what I should ask, how did you get in here? The door has a password, and what's with your clothes?” You were trying to appear as calm as possible but you were really uneasy with that presence.
“Don't tell me…A SASAENG!” You both shouted at the same time, pointing your fingers at each other. "WHAT? ME?" Now your fingers were pointing towards yourselves.
“It's over I'm going to call the police.” The girl said, dropping the box and taking her mobile phone out of her pants pocket.
“That's exactly what I'm going to do, look at this.” You said, taking out the company ID, surprising the girl.
"Huh?"
.
.
.
.
“I'm sorry again, I had no idea you were the new manager.” The girl said with her head down, looking at the ground, feeling guilty for the previous misunderstanding.
“The mistake was mine for not having recognized you before, Mashiro-shi.” Now you knew who this room belonged to.
Apparently, and after left the grou, both Mashiro and Yeseo had been terribly busy with their new group and their own activities that they had been coming and going to the house making small moves of their things. However some things of their property were still there.
“If you need help with your…”
“Oh no no, please, I'm sure you're very busy, I don't want to bother you.” She commented, making notable gestures with her hands. You smiled at how adorable that was.
“The rest of the members say that you and Yeseo will continue to be part of Kep1er forever…” You commented, bending down to pick up the cardboard box from the floor and put it on the bed, opening it. “So now I'm also your manager, okay Mashiro-chan?” You smiled warmly at her causing her cheeks to turn a deep pink color.
“O-O-Okay” She agreed shyly, approaching you and helping you pack more clothes from her closet.
Together you cleared out the closet and packed all the clothes, and you organized the rest of the room and cleaned it. You glanced at Mashiro from time to time, even with that strange first impression you had with her, you really thought she was a super adorable girl. Her small stature, her beautiful face and the dimples that were marked on her cheeks reaffirmed it.
“What do you think of the members?” She asked casually while doing her task, your gaze drifted towards the ceiling, sketching a slight smile after a few seconds of thought.
“Noisy.” You responded simply causing her to giggle, covering her mouth with one of her hands.
“I understand you perfectly.” She supported you.
“But they are really amazing.” You continued. “They spend the day laughing and making a fuss but they don't lower the effort they put into their practices one bit, sometimes I envy them. I would also like to enjoy my work like they do.” Out of the corner of my eye you could notice a small smile melancholy on her face, so you decided not to say anything else and continue with the cleaning.
You walked over to one of the nightstands next to one of the beds to open the drawers, see what they kept and see if there was anything else that needed to be packed.
“Don't open that!” Mashiro screamed hysterically, throwing herself on the bed trying to stop you but you had already opened the drawer. You looked at her confused, even more so when she threw her hands over her face trying to hide herself, while her ears turned red.
You looked down, looking at the vibrator that was inside the drawer, blushing too and quickly moving away, falling on your ass to the floor.
"I'm sorry." You whispered embarrassed, unable to look up, noticing how your face was burning.
“Noooooo…how embarrassing.” Mashiro sobbed, rolling on the bed. You grabbed a lock of your hair, analyzing the situation, looking for the right words for a moment like this.
“There is nothing to be ashamed of Mashiro, it is something totally normal for someone your age and…Mashiro?” You were absorbed as you looked up to see directly at the girl who was still sobbing, covering her face with one hand, while the other was now rubbing her crotch over her pants. So those sounds weren't sobs, they were moans.
You saw how she relaxed her body and lie down on the bed. The hand that covered her face no longer did so, she was now looking at you clearly, intently, a look very different from what you had seen from her before.
“It has been such a hard, stressful and emotional weeks. Leaving one group to enter another, new members, comeback, and performances. Even now all the responsibility of being a leader falls on my shoulders.”
“Mashiro…” Your words were interrupted by a new moan.
“And I forgot my stress reliever during the move, I tried using my fingers but they didn't have the same effect…” You turned your gaze to the vibrator and took it in your hands, Mashiro's eyes did not take their eyes off the device. You turned it on, listening to the vibrations it produced, making Mashiro groan in despair.
“You said before that you were also my manager…” The Japanese girl began to say. “So, I need your help, manager oppa, please…” You swallowed after hearing that request of deep need in her tone of voice.
You stood up and approached the bed, sitting on the edge near Mashiro, who lowered the zipper of her sweatshirt a little, revealing a bit of the shirt she was wearing underneath and then, moving against the bed, she managed to lower her pants until her underwear was visible.
“You are very wet Mashiro-chan.” You commented looking at the huge stain that had appeared on her panties. “You really are so needy…”
She didn't respond but she brought her hand back to where the stain was now, caressing herself again with circular movements, closing her eyes enjoying her own touch.
When she stopped she opened her eyes to look deeply at you, eyes that were screaming for your help. You sighed and got even closer to her body, vibrator in hand, gently bringing it to her desired area, coming into contact causing Mashiro's back to arch due to excitement.
“Yes, please…” She continued asking needily.
You pushed aside the fabric of her panties, visualizing her wonderful pink pussy completely flooded that was crying out for pleasure.
The sex toy now caressed Mashiro's folds mercilessly, forcing her to moan loudly, her eyes closed again enjoying the waves of pleasure that ran through her body.
That scene was fucking erotic for you, so much so that a huge bulge peeked out from between your pants. With your free hand you managed to free that bulge from outside your clothes, however it was somewhat difficult to satisfy both of you at the same time.
A naughty idea crossed your mind. If you were busy offering pleasure to Mashiro she was free to give it to you, so you took her hand closest to you and placed it around your cock.
Upon feeling that she opened her eyes again, offering you a small smile when she knew your intentions, grabbing your penis tightly and beginning to move her hand up and down constantly.
“Oppa hentai…” She whispered, biting her lip, watching how she was masturbating you.
“It's your fault in the first place…” You responded, emitting the occasional small moan caused by her touch, and lowering the zipper of her sweatshirt completely with your free hand, allowing yourself to caressing her stomach and her hips.
You threw the vibrator to the side of the bed and began to caress her pussy with your own hand, separating her folds with your fingers and inserting a couple of them inside causing a squeal of surprise from her.
“Shit oppa…it feels so good…”
“A girl as adorable as you talking so dirty.” You said increasing the pace of your caresses on her pussy, feeling how your hand became wet with Mashiro's fluids.
“You love when I talk dirty, right oppa?” She asked continuing the caresses on your penis. “It hasn't stopped growing…”
You smiled, leaning over her body, placing a few kisses across her bare stomach. She released her grip on your cock to allow you to position yourself more comfortably on top of her, slipping your hands under her shirt touching everything within reach.
Mashiro slowly melted under your body, moaning louder and louder as your fingers caressed her tits. She was breathing heavily and her hair fell over her forehead giving it an even sexier touch, her entire face was flushed and hot.
Due to the constant movement of your bodies on each other there was a moment where your cock rubbed against Mashiro's pussy, tensing her body and placing her hands against your chest, pushing you away slightly.
You raised an eyebrow in confusion, realizing how hot this whole scene had become and how you had gotten carried away with it.
“I'm sorry if I…
“I have only used that vibrator… I have never had anything inside me beyond my fingers, I am completely a virgin.” She admitted, looking away embarrassed.
"It’s okay." You whispered softly, offering her a smile, caressing her right cheek with your hand. She took your hand and let herself be caressed by you.
“It's really strange and we just met...but I feel very comfortable with you, oppa. Although I don't think I'm ready to cross that line yet, I'm sorry.”
“You don't have to apologize for anything.” You leaned your head over her, kissing her lips, being instantly reciprocated by her, lightly biting her lower lip, drawing a moan from her and allowing your tongue to explore every corner of Mashiro's mouth.
“Oppa.” A thread of saliva separated your mouth from Mashiro's. “I need an orgasm.”
You smiled, recovering the vibrator lost in some corner of the bed, activating it again, this time with more power making the girl's body tremble.
“OH FUCK!” Squeals and moans came non-stop from the idol's mouth as you rubbed the toy again and again over her weak area.
You alternated the vibrator with the caresses that you provided with your hands. You lay down on the bed next to Mashiro without stopping masturbating her, she quickly took your cock again with one of her hands and now you were both pleasuring each other.
You inserted two of your fingers inside her completely tight pussy, stretching it slightly feeling her walls contract against your fingers. The girl's hips moved unconsciously as the moans did not stop and her grip on your cock tightened.
You then stroked her clit with your thumb, which was like touching the self-destruct button on Mashiro's body. You touched and pressed her clit as much as you could until her back arched again and a huge scream escaped her mouth.
Her body hit the mattress again, her chest rising and falling excitedly. It took her a few seconds to catch her breath and recover from that orgasm, she turned to look at you and you quickly wiped away some tears that were now flowing from her eyes with your hand.
“God…you're better than any toy, oppa.” Despite continuing to pant, her smile was wide, she laughed at herself for the situation she found herself in.
You laughed, also flattered but somewhat embarrassed by her comment. You tried to get up to get out of bed but Mashiro immediately stopped you and forced you to lie down, surprising you with her sudden reaction.
“Wait, you're not done yet.” She said and then you looked down at your penis.
“Please let me help you, oppa.” Mashiro demanded in distress, because she had been able to free herself thanks to your touch and you, on the other hand, were still hard.
How were you going to refuse that, you thought, lowering the clothes that covered your lower area to your ankles, leaving your member in full view. Mashiro was stunned to see it like that.
“It's even bigger…” She whispered, wrapping her hand around it again, beginning to cover it completely and therefore starting the massage.
You let out a moan and bit your lip. Under normal conditions it would take you long enough to cum to get a long treatment, but the hard work of these last few days had taken its toll on you too. You hadn't downloaded for days, even weeks, and none of the Iz*One girls had crossed your path during this time, so you and your friend were especially sensitive at the moment.
That Mashiro was inexperienced was obvious, not only because she had confessed to being a virgin, it was obvious that it was the first time she had masturbated someone.
She did it delicately but nervously, her hand trembled on your cock, so you decided to help her, placing one of your hands on hers, guiding her on top of you. This helped her to calm down and gain confidence, copying the rhythm that you were setting.
You moved your hand away once you saw her more prepared and in response to that she wrapped her other hand around your penis as well.
Now both of the girl's hands were working on your erect dick, covering the entire length between them, with slow and delicate movements that made you shudder.
Your moans began to get uncontrolled due to her touch, giving her more and more encouragement and causing the pace of masturbation to increase.
Her two hands worked now at high speed on your penis, with enveloping movements, noticing how it swelled and began to tremble.
“Shit...Mashiro-chan I'm about to...” You couldn't finish the warning when the first shot was propelled upwards, surprising the girl by seeing that white liquid escape from the tip of your penis.
After the first, the rest of the shots followed, progressively decreasing the intensity with each one until finally there was not a single drop left inside you.
Mashiro's hands raised the skin of your penis one last time, observing the brilliance that the tip of your penis now offered. Finally she let you go and you were able to sit up on the bed, seeing the mess that had formed on your abdomen, now covered in your own sperm.
You diverted your gaze towards Mashiro whose eyes did not stop observing that increasingly sticky area.
You moved your hand towards it, taking some of the sperm with your fingers and looked back at the girl, who now looked back at you.
"Do you want to try it?" You asked, smiling sideways, sneaking into her thoughts. She did not utter a word due to shyness and embarrassment but nodded affirmatively.
You brought your fingers closer to her face and she closed her eyes, opening her mouth, allowing you to insert them inside, licking and tasting your seed. Her tongue moved between your fingers, wetting them but absorbing all the liquid they were impregnated with.
She opened her mouth again for you to remove your fingers and you looked at each other.
"It is...you are...you taste delicious..." She admitted self-consciously but happy and satisfied. “C-C-Can I take some more?”
A few seconds later you had Mashiro leaning over you licking all the remains of sperm that were on your abdomen and thighs. That was making you hard again but you knew you had a line that you must not to cross.
The idol's tongue cleaned you completely, savoring every last bit of liquid she could get, repeating to herself how delicious it tasted. Once she was over with you, you left the room for a moment to go to the bathroom, cleaning yourself and put your clothes back on properly, when you returned Mashiro was also dressed.
You inserted the vibrator into the cardboard box, camouflaged between several layers of clothing, and took it into your arms, despite the girl's insistence that she could carry the box.
You went down together to the street, parked there was one of Mashiro's new group's cars waiting to pick her up.
"Thanks for everything, manager oppa." Mashiro smiled sweetly at you.
"Keep this between us, okay?" She nodded briskly heading to the car, turning around before opening the door.
"I'll think about you the next time." Those words caught you off guard, making you blush.
You watched as the car disappeared into the distance of the street, blending into the traffic. You sighed and walked back up the stairs to the apartment, there was still a lot to clean.
Just when you were about to grab the broom again the phone in your pocket started ringing, you picked up after reading the name of the caller and brought it to your ear.
“Finally, I only had to call you 7 times to get a callback.” You heard a sleepy yawn from the other side.
“I've been non-stop for months, many performances, shootings, ceremony awards, and exhausting trips, you know. I deserved a good restful sleep…of 14 hours.”
“Of course, we must keep the star Ahn Yujin in good condition.” Your laughter dissipated as you took a more serious tone. “I need to talk to you.”
“Yeah, I know. See you in like 1 hour? I will send you the location.”
“Sure, see you.”
You hung up the call and heaved a long sigh, rushing to get all the work done. You had a date in an hour.
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♡ So American - FC 43 ♡
Summary: You and Franco celebrate Thanksgiving together for the first time and Franco nearly gags when he sees American Thanksgiving dishes
Author's Note: this is so ass so I’m sorry 😭 feedback is always appreciated
WC: 2296
CW: american reader 😲, fluff, thanksgiving food, wicked mentions, more overuse of song lyrics
You and Franco had been together for the better part of the year, about 7 months. Thanksgiving was coming up and, on the same weekend F1 would be racing in Qatar, not allowing Franco to be with you on Thanksgiving day, which was honestly a disappointment to the both of you. However, after moving around some plans, the two of you managed to pick a date that worked for everyone to be in your hometown to celebrate the holiday, before Franco had to go off and be a star (and an icon).
To say you were excited was an understatement. It was not only your first time having a boyfriend, but having a boyfriend during the holidays. You were excited to create new memories with Franco and show him how you celebrate the holidays in America.
Your family typically divides the work for the food every year and this time you were in charge of making the sweet potato and marshmallow dish, something you knew was gonna throw Franco into a whirl about. Your boyfriend enjoys making fun of some American dishes and you don’t mind because it’s fun and you can see how some of them are strange.
You two were in your apartment the morning of Thanksgiving dinner. You got ready for the day and decided it would be best to change into your outfit after you’ve cooked. You settled on wearing one of Franco’s shirts and a pair of his shorts for now. You then decided to head to the kitchen to prepare your dish, Franco trailing behind you like a puppy.
“You look pretty wearing my clothes.” Franco complimented.
You deadpanned to Franco with an emotionless face asking, “do I not look pretty any other time? Is this the only time I look pretty?”
Franco’s face turned red and he was panicking, “I- no, no, amor. Thats- that’s not what I-“
“I’m kidding, love. Relax, looked like you almost shit yourself then.” you laughed.
Franco took a breath of relief and just smiled at your antics, “ha ha, so funny.”
As you pulled out the ingredients you’d be needing, Franco watched in confusion.
“Amor, what- what are you making? You have sweet potatoes, marshmallows, and pecans on the table. Is it all for one dish? No, right?” he questions, cocking his head to the side.
“It is for one dish. I’m making a sweet potato casserole!” you exclaim excitedly, knowing it was one of your favorite dishes and you can only have it during Thanksgiving.
“Eugh. No, amor. No.”, you watch as Franco makes a face of disgust, “Why?”
“It’s good, baby. I promise. When it’s all baked together with the seasonings, it tastes like heaven.” you think, displaying a picture of the dish in your mind.
Franco all but side eyes to your response, “I thought I tasted like heaven…” he pouts.
“Sweet potato casserole tastes better, babe. Sorry.” you flash a toothy smile.
“Ay dios mio. Is this what I’m marrying into?” Franco jokes, dropping head into his hands.
“Ehm! I beg your finest pardon?! Where the fuck is my ring?”, wiggling your ring finger at him, “Don’t joke about marriage, bitch. Or I’ll start doing the ending riff of Defying Gravity all day long.”
“Ay no, por favor, no. As much as I love your singing, amor. I can’t listen to any songs from Wicked right now. It’s all you’ve been playing the past month! Please, anything but Wicked, anything!” Franco pleads with you.
“Fine. Your funeral though.” you say, carrying on with your cooking.
“Que?”
“Nada”
Franco is left speechless, but you carry on with your actions.
After plopping onto a chair and pouting, Franco got curious, “Amor, can you tell me what Thanksgiving is? I know you give thanks, but why?”.
“Well, in school we were taught that years ago, around this time, the pilgrims and Native Americans came together to share a meal and be peaceful with one another. They basically celebrated a successful harvest but with most of American history, there’s some lies. But Americans really don’t care about history. It’s just a day where most of us don’t have to work and an excuse to stuff our faces with food that’s really bad for us.”
“That’s….nice.”
“I can feel the judgement from here.”
“I’m not judging, just learning.” he smiles cheekily, “but in all honesty, your reality is so different from mine. In Argentina we don’t have this holiday and strange foods, but I want to learn all about your crazy American traditions if it means I get to be by your side. I go where you go.”
“I go where you got too.” you say, still blushing from his words.
“Maybe ‘I go where you go’ can be our ‘always’.”
You tried to suppress your laugh and threw a few marshmallows at his response, “You’re done. You’re done. I cannot believe you just quoted The Fault In Our Stars.”
He’s giggling to himself and it’s one of your favorite things in the world. It’s just not fair of him to be so cute and funny. If he keeps this shit up, you swore you were gonna marry him.
-=+=-
During the drive to your parents house for dinner, you and Franco listened to music. As passenger princess, Franco had control of the aux and he played a playlist he had made when you two first started dating. He knew that sharing music was sort of a love language of yours so he saved all the ones you had mentioned at times or the songs he would always find on repeat when you were around.
It was a peaceful drive, that is until No Good Deed from Wicked came on. As soon as the opening chords started, Franco knew there was no stopping you. He watched as you put on a one woman performance for him, and him only. Yes, it was from Wicked but he couldn’t lie. If you’re the one singing, he didn’t mind the constant sound.
He was also thankful it wasn’t Defying Gravity or else you would’ve been asking for a broom to hold. He also knew you would’ve fucked up your voice a bit if you attempted Cynthia Erivo’s riff.
The two of you arrived at your parents house and were warmly welcomed by the rest of your family. Though the house was already decorated in Christmas decor, the feeling of Thanksgiving was flowing through the air. Your dad already had the (American) football game
playing on the tv, calling Franco over to once again try and convert him into a fan.
You watched as your boyfriend was practically dragged away from you, laughing as he mouthed the words ‘help me’. Your dad adored Franco and your Franco loved hanging with your dad. As they went on to do their antics, you walked to the kitchen, setting down the dish you had prepared and began to help your mom finish up some cooking.
“So,” your mom starts, “how are you and Franco?”
You couldn’t help but smile, you’re glad she brought him up first because you can never have a conversation if it’s not about him.
“We’re good. When he found out that he was able to make it to dinner, he was so excited. He’d immediately asked me a million questions on whether he should bring something or not as a gift. But I told him to not worry about it, there’s enough food and drinks so we didn’t need anything.”
“He’s a sweet boy. I’m glad you found him, he’s brought back a light in you that I haven’t seen in a long time.”
You looked up at your mom and almost burst into tears. You didn’t know that color was coming back to you. Before any tears spilled, Franco walked into the kitchen and went straight to you. When you were close enough, he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you close and kissing your hair.
“Do you guys need any help?” he’d asked you guys.
“I don’t think we need any help here but you know what I need help with?” you aunt asks, raising a cheeky eyebrow at Franco, “I need help dancing to this song.”
You watched as your aunt grabbed Franco's hand and pulled him away from you to dance with him. The two danced and swayed to the music as the rest of you laughed and cheered them on. You’re glad your family gets along with Franco well.
Music, laughter, and chatter filled the air, along with the savory and sweet smells of the food that was almost ready to eat. Once everything was cooked, your mother, aunt, and yourself began to set the table with the silverware and make the table look as beautiful as can be. As if they could sense that everything was ready, Franco, your father, uncles, aunts and cousins joined you at the table.
As each of you began to take your seats, Franco was almost split in half. Everyone wanted to be seated next to him. You were all for sharing but Franco was yours. As long as you got to sit on one side of Franco, no heads would roll and peace would prosper.
In the end, one of your cousins ended up sitting on the other side of Franco, ready to bombard the poor boy with questions about racing and F1.
Before digging into the food, everyone had to give thanks and say what they were grateful for. Most of your family said the typical stuff like thankful for having a happy, loving family and having a roof over their head. That was until it was your cousin’s turn…
“This year, I’m grateful that Logan was dropped from Williams and that Franco was able to have that seat. My best buddy is a F1 driver now. But R.I.P. Logan, my American king. Also R.I.P. Sebastian Vettel, you would’ve loved Franco. Anyways, who's next?” your cousin clapped his hands, looking around the table.
Crickets could be heard from the silence.
Franco, thankfully, moved the conversation forward and said his thanks. “Well, ehm. I think I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I’m thankful for my opportunity to drive in F1, and even though I don’t know where I’ll be next year, I’m still happy I got this chance. I’m also super grateful for y/n. We only met this year but she’s still amazing and has been there for me through a lot. And I’m also grateful for having been invited to join you guys today and that you guys are so cool and welcoming, so thank you.”
Everyone basically awed at Franco and his little speech. Meanwhile you were on the verge of tears. You’d never known love like this and you couldn’t believe he chose you. He was like a poem that you wished you’d written.
After some deep breaths from you, everyone began to dig into the food, well, everyone except for Franco. The boy was absolutely lost, he didn’t know what half the stuff was and he wasn’t sure how to go about anything. You took it upon yourself to start his plate for him so that he could familiarize himself with some of the foods and not get overwhelmed.
When you set his plate down in front of him again, he looked at the plate confused and then turned to you, silently asking you to tell him what everything was.
“You’ve got some ham, sweet potato casserole, green beans, and mashed potatoes to start. I know you like all those even if you haven’t tried some yet. From here you can work your way around the dishes on the table.” you smile.
“Gracias, amor. I really am grateful for you and all that you do.”
“Tell me, lover. How grateful are you?” you cheekily ask.
With a wink, Franco replies, “I’ll show you after dinner.”
-=+=-
“The only thing I will be showing you if anything is my shit because I am so full.” Franco tells you as he settles himself on the couch.
The whole family had wrapped up dinner and finished off the night with some dessert. Now some of the family were chatting over some drinks to end the night.
“Please don’t.” you tell Franco.
“Ok, I wasn’t actually planning on showing you my shit. Ay dios.” states as he rolls his head to rest on the back of the couch.
You take a seat next to Franco, resting your head on his shoulder, his arm instinctively wrapping around you. His other arm reached for your hands and held them close. You swore his hands were so warm that they made hell seem cold.
You really were grateful for him. The two of you had been through some tough times so early into your relationship. There were times where you wondered if it was meant to be and if it would all work out. You’d even tried to push him away at some point, believing his life would be easier if you weren’t there to drag him down. But he stayed. There have been moments where you’ve been mean to him, times where you were so depressed that you would stay in bed all day and didn’t move. Days where you didn’t respond to his texts or calls because you couldn’t. But despite all that, he’s still here.
You’ve burned so many bridges in your life. You’ve made the same mistakes over and over but now you know you did one thing right. You love Franco with everything you have and he’s the person you trust the most. He knows you better than you know yourself most of the time. Even when you lose your mind, he’s still yours.
#f1 fanfiction#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#formula one imagine#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fic#formula 1 fanfic#franco colapinto x reader#franco colapinto x you#franco colapinto imagine#franco colapinto fanfic#franco colapinto fluff
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57 . the big reveal
prev . main
you were sitting at dinner with chaeyeon, yubin, kaede, kotone, yeonji, nien, and xinyu. the conversation had already turned to the whole situation with nakyoung, and how you and she were finally going your separate ways.
"at least you and xinyu are good now," yeonji said.
kotone looked confused. "wait, what even happened between you two? i wasn't really in on anything. i just know you guys fought, split, and then everyone started picking sides."
you squeezed xinyu's hand, giving a bittersweet laugh. "xinyu kissed me and then broke my heart," you said. even though it still hurt a bit, you could at least joke about it now.
"don't say it like that," xinyu pouted, shooting you a playful glare.
"that's literally what happened, though," you shot back, raising an eyebrow.
"well, there's more to it," xinyu said, clearly eager to explain her side.
"okay, i'm listening," you said.
"so, we were all playing truth or dare, and me and y/n got dared to go into a closet," xinyu started, her voice turning a little more serious. "what i didn't know was that y/n had had a little too much to drink and, well, she confessed her feelings to me. and, like, i kissed her."
"still messed up, though, getting my hopes up like that," you said, shooting her a pointed look.
"yeah, i get it. but after we kissed, i told y/n not to tell anyone, especially not sohyun, because i had a thing for her at the time," xinyu said.
you leaned back in your chair, crossing your arms. "i basically begged her to forget about sohyun and told her we were perfect for each other. then xinyu went on this whole thing about how she'd never see me that way... it was honestly pretty harsh, and i started crying. i ran out of the house, and nien and kaede followed me."
"i was mentioned!" nien chimed in.
"i told them everything, and they took my side immediately," you said with a grin.
"this is true," kaede nodded.
"so after that night, i just avoided the hell out of xinyu and sohyun and started hanging out with nakyoung," you continued. "i told her everything, and she was there for me when i needed it most. she was the only one who really listened to me at the time. she wasn't close to you or sohyun, so i felt like i could talk to her without it being biased."
"until she broke your heart," xinyu added, her voice laced with jealousy.
"and then xinyu tried to talk to me at school one day, and nakyoung literally told her off," you added, shaking your head in amusement.
"oh my god, i remember that!" chaeyeon laughed.
"how the turntables," kotone said with a grin.
"yeah, after that, nakyoung literally told me to never talk to y/n again," xinyu said.
"honestly, as she should," yubin chimed in, nodding approvingly.
"i listened, though, because i didn't want to hurt y/n more than i already had... well, until they broke up," xinyu admitted.
yeonji raised an eyebrow. "what made you want to date y/n again, though?"
you shot her a teasing look. "why'd you say it like that?"
"i'm just curious," yeonji shrugged, clearly unbothered by the question. "what changed?"
xinyu hesitated, then exhaled, her tone quieter. "well, first of all, i'm not gonna lie, it was kind of out of spite to get back at sohyun, but we both agreed on that. but then... we spent more time together and i started remembering how we were when we were best friends. back then, i thought it was just a best friend kind of love, but apparently, it was more than that. it's crazy because my family always knew, but i was so in denial because of sohyun."
you smiled softly, squeezing xinyu's hand. "i'm honestly glad we didn't get together then, though."
"why's that?" xinyu asked, genuinely curious.
"because i feel like we both needed that time apart to mature. being with other people, and experiencing things on our own.... now we're better for each other," you said, leaning in slightly.
"that's actually so true," xinyu said, squeezing your hand back with a soft smile.
"that's cute and all, but can y'all do that shit in private later?" kaede said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"mad 'cause single," you teased.
"yes, and?" kaede shot back.
“well that sucks for you, because i’m sitting here happy and not single,” you said, grinning at kaede.
kaede shot you a glare, standing up with an exaggerated groan as she grabbed her cup. “i will not take this in my own home!”
“this is the dining hall,” you pointed out, unfazed.
she gave you a deadpan look. “it’s my fifth home.”
xinyu giggled beside you, clearly enjoying the back-and-forth, while kaede shot her a playful glare as well. "don’t encourage them," kaede muttered under her breath.
"both of y'all are gonna be my fifteenth reason," kaede muttered, dramatically turning to walk away.
“i made it on the list!” you cheered.
kaede didn't even bother responding, just making her way to the food area, probably to refill her drink and come back.
“she’ll be back,” yeonji said, leaning back in her chair with a knowing smirk.
“of course she is," you said, gesturing to the table where her backpack was on the floor and her keys and phone on the table. "she left all her shit.”
eventually, kaede returned, drink in hand, sliding back into her seat just as the conversation had reached peak intensity about the immortal snail.
“fuck did i just walk into?” kaede asked, raising an eyebrow as she glanced between everybody in the group.
“okay, listen,” kotone said. “would you take $10 million if it meant an immortal snail was always chasing you, and if it touched you, you’d die instantly? like, would you risk it?”
kaede blinked, then sighed deeply. “this is what i get for coming back.”
“i’m saying you’d just trap it!” xinyu argued, ignoring kaede’s comment. “build a little box, drop it in the ocean, and boom, problem solved.”
“okay, but it’s immortal,” you shot back. “it’s eventually getting out. you can’t just ignore an undying snail with a death touch!”
kaede set her drink down and stared at you both like you’d lost your minds. “this is what we’re doing now?”
“yes,” xinyu said, dead serious.
“and you’re gonna weigh in,” nien added, pointing at her.
kaede sighed again, leaning back in her chair. “fine. ten million, right?”
“right,” you confirmed.
“then i’m taking the money. i’ll just move to, like, another continent and keep tabs on it. snails are slow—it’d take years to catch up to me,” kaede said with a shrug.
“see? that’s what i’m saying!” xinyu exclaimed, throwing her hands up.
“but what if it hitches a ride on a plane or something?” chaeyeon countered. “it’s not gonna stay slow forever. that snail has brain power!”
kaede stared at her, unimpressed. “a brain… power snail. really.”
“yes,” nien said, fully committed to the chaos now.
yeonji, who had been quietly munching on her snack, finally chimed in. “i’d just hire someone to watch it 24/7 and let me know if it gets too close. boom. rich and alive.”
everyone turned to stare at her, and kaede sighed for the third time. “i hate how that’s actually a good idea.”
“alright, next question: unlimited free flights for life, but every time you board a plane, there’s a 5% chance of it crash-landing on a deserted island. do you take the deal?” yeonji asked
“nope. not worth it,” kaede said without hesitation. "i’ll just stick to paying for my flights and staying alive, thanks.”
“pussy,” xinyu teased.
“excuse me?” kaede shot back, narrowing her eyes.
“you heard me. i’d take that deal so fast. deserted island? sounds like a vacation to me,” xinyu said, crossing her arms confidently.
yeonji chuckled, “you’re not making it.”
“i’d survive,” xinyu said with a shrug. “i watched survivor once. how hard can it be?”
“girl, you could barely even go camping,” nien reminded her. “you’re not lasting more than two days on an island.”
xinyu gasped dramatically. “i’m being attacked for my optimism!”
chaeyeon shook her head, smirking. “no, you’re being called out for your delusions. big difference.”
“i don’t appreciate y'all ganging up on me like this,” xinyu said.
“don’t worry about it, babe,” you said with a grin. “we’ll survive. i’ve got plot armor, and you’ve got main character energy.”
“main character energy my ass,” kaede muttered, taking a sip of her drink.
kotone, who had been silently watching everything unfold, finally chimed in. “can we all just agree that if this group ever ends up stranded somewhere, we’re doomed? like, not a single one of us is making it out alive.”
the table went silent for a moment before bursting into laughter.
“you’re not wrong,” nien said.
“we’d definitely go out arguing,” kaede added, shaking her head.
“oh 100%,” yeonji quipped, grinning.
you all stayed in the dining hall until nearly closing time, the conversations flowing effortlessly as the topics bounced from one hypothetical to another.
main . nxt
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Revived flames pt. 2
Synopsis: Time for a date with Wriothesley! But paparazzi and journalists have been making it difficult to enjoy
C/W: Wriothesley x gn!reader, angst-fluff-angst-no comfort, fiance!Wriothesley, not proofread, irl book mentions (The Song of Achilles), soft smut (making out)
Note: Wriothesley was assigned Duke of the Fortress of Meropide like two years before this time
Part 1 here
—
What is to come of Wriothesley’s visit?
You expected late nights and early mornings, his cold touch against the warm sun, laughter and inside jokes to be shared.
But what actually happened?
You tolerated a roaring silence when you got home from the aquabus ride, watching the leaves dance from your window as the tea sat in front of you grew cold. Has the drink foretold your future with this man? Somehow you could almost cry from disappointment. So much for making up for lost time. You and your fiancé spent an hour like that, aimlessly seaching for conversation that could lead to the late nights you yearned.
You asked, “For how long will you be staying?”
He leaned back on his seat. “Just until tomorrow. You know the fortress always has trouble going on.”
For the first time in your lives you felt a wall between you, an awkwardness. You’re unsure if it’s the sudden change of environment he was uncomfortable with.
“Who is in charge there while you’re away?”
“Chief of the Marechaussee Hunter along with Clorinde. She knows how things go around the fortress, so I trust it’s in good hands. Have you been up to anything lately?” He takes a long sip of his tea, noticing how your eyes lit up when he asked you.
“I picked up a few books from the library recently. One is called ‘The Song of Achilles’, and archons, it is devastating!”
You ramble on about the plot of your recent read, your fiancé listening intently. Wriothesley sat there, cheeks reaching his ears. The way you explained it was messy, a lot of ‘and thens’ and unclear details, but he didn’t dare to interrupt that charming face.
“Oh, but I don’t want to spoil you,” you paused.
“No, continue. I’m sure I won’t have time to read once I get back to the fortress.” Both your teas have been finished at this point. “So what happens after they save Briseis?”
All Wriothesley could focus on was the light blush on your cheeks, how you graze your tongue on your lips, how you bite them when you discuss some spicy scenes. Archons, you are so breathtaking. Urges make him want to take you to the bedroom. But it’s too soon for that, he fears.
You couldn’t be happier with him right now. At last, it felt like how it should be, easy and fun, warm and comfortable. Hours pass and you’ve talked about books you plan to read, and gifts to buy Sigewinne. “Hey,” you started. “What about that dinner you promised me?”
“Oh shoot!” Wriothesley checked the time on your grandfather clock—6:30 p.m., “We should start getting ready, shouldn’t we?”
After you got ready, he was sitting in the living room wearing a gray tuxedo shirt, a deep red vest that shaped his torso well (yummy), and trousers that gave out that gyatt. His hair was parted to the side, a few strands flowing down his face. He looked at you like you were divine, a beauty no one could believe was possible. “Gorgeous, you are,” he muttered as he pulled you close, lips connecting with a spark.
Revived flames led you astray, feeling his breath on your neck, the bed as he pinned you down. He kissed your lips, the corners of your mouth, your cheeks, the edges of your jaw, and back to your lips. He made sure to give attention to the special place on your collarbone that made you groan under him.
“Wriothesley,” you breathed, to which he groaned back. “Wriothesley!” Your hands held his face—his soft, awe-struck face—in place. You were both panting against each other. “We can continue this when we get back from dinner. I’m getting a bit hungry.” Right on cue, your stomach lightly grumbled.
You laughed together, warmth embracing the cold air of your room. “Let us go, then, my love,” he said. You stood up and fixed your loose clothes, unable to recall when they were taken off. Wriothesley buckled his vest on and led you to the door.
Contrary to your last ride, this one was sweet. Hands were intertwined between you, like two children exploring new love. No one was there with you, only Elphane, and she stayed quiet as she observed you from time to time. The sea grew dark with the velvet sky, lending it to the stars to shine. Constellations slowly made their way into view, and you marveled at them. Wriothesley admired them as well, in your eyes, a soft smile creeping its way to his face. The warmth you longed for had returned to grace your shoulders in the form of the Duke, spreading to your back and arms as he covered you with his coat.
The aquabus had docked with a gentle sway, and Wriothesley helped you step onto the pier, his hand firm yet soft against yours. The restaurant he had chosen was tucked into the side of a hill, its warm lights spilling out onto the cobblestone path. Inside, candles flickered on every table, casting golden glows against the polished wood and silver accents. The two other guests in there suggested that this place wasn’t that popular—or too fancy to be affordable.
The maître d’ greeted Wriothesley by title, “Allow me to escort you to your seats, Your Grace,” bowing slightly before leading you to a secluded corner table by the window. Outside, the ocean sparkled under the moonlight, and for a moment, it felt as if the world had shrunk to just the two of you.
As the waiter poured your wine, Wriothesley leaned in, his blue-gray eyes softening as they met yours. “I hope this serves well as your birthday gift,” he said, his voice low.
“Just you and me?” You teased, hand brushing against his. “I’ll drink to that.”
He smiled, lifting his glass. “To us.”
“Oh, and the other couple there.” You shared a laugh as you drank from your glasses.
You talked endlessly through the first course, laughing over shared memories and exchanging stories about your lives apart. Wriothesley told you about the chaos in the fortress—the endless paperwork, the training sessions, and Sigewinne’s insistence on enforcing his tea breaks. You recounted your days in the city, the new hobbies you picked up, and the little adventures you had in his absence. For the first time in weeks, everything felt light, easy, and perfect.
But as dessert arrived, a flicker of movement outside the window caught your eye. Then another. You glaced toward the glass and saw shadows—figures moving closer, the unmistakable glint of cameras catching the candlelight.
“Wrio…” you whispered, nodding toward the window.
He followed your gaze, his expression hardening. His posture shifted subtly, one hand curling protectively around yours. “Stay calm” he murmured. “They’ll get bored if we don’t react.”
But the paparazzi didn’t seem interested in waiting. A flash of light filled the room, followed by another. The restaurant’s peaceful ambiance shattered as the first photographer stepped inside, camera poised. Then another. And another.
“Duke Wriothesley! Over here!”
“Who’s the lucky one tonight?”
“Are there wedding bells in the future?”
“Smile for us, darling!”
The questions came fast and relentless, their voices sharp and invasive. You felt exposed, vulnerable, like a circus animal on display. The other guests began whispering, stealing glances at your table. You could feel their curiosity prickling your skin like needles. You shrank back in your seat, instinctively gripping Wriothesley’s hand tighter. He flagged down the maître d’, who called for security, but the damage was already done. The ambiance of the evening was shattered. You could barely taste your meal anymore, your appetite replaced with a knot of unease.
He squeezed your hand gently. “Let’s get out of here.”
—
The ride home was quiet, the earlier warmth replaced by a heavier, unspoken weight compared to when he arrived. You stared out at the darkened sea, the stars blurred by the movement of the aquabus.
“I’m sorry all of that happened. It wasn’t my intention to make you go through that.” he said, voice filled with guilt.
“It’s not your fault,” you replied. He couldn’t tune out the sadness in your voice. Wriothesley held your hand, but it didn’t feel the same.
Your thoughts spiraled. Was this what life with him would always be like? Every moment under scrutiny, every outing a spectacle? The idea of always being on guard, of never enjoying something as simple as a dinner together without the world watching, was suffocating.
You glanced at Wriothesley. He looked weary, brows furrowed in thought. This wasn’t easy for him either, you knew that. But could love alone be enough to withstand this constant pressure?
—
The conversation happened the next morning. He was getting ready to return to the fortress, pulling on his coat as you stood in the doorway of your bedroom, clutching a blanket around your shoulders.
“Wriothesley,” you started, his name trembling with your voice. He turned to you, expression softening when he saw tears welling in your eyes.
“Hey,” he said gently. “What’s wrong?”
You hesitated, searching for the right words. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“What do you mean?” His voice was measured, but you could hear the faint tremor beneath it—a crack in the foundation of his composure.
“I mean…” you trailed off after a shaky breath, pulling your blanket closer to sheild you from the weight of the conversation. “The constant pressure, the cameras, the questions—it’s… suffocating.”
His face fell, the weight of your words sinking in. “You’re serious,” he said quietly, and he was met with silence. For a long moment, neither of you spoke. Then he reached out, cupping your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away your tears. “I love you,” he said. “Don’t ever doubt that.”
“I love you too,” you replied, your voice trembling.
He kissed your forehead, lingering there as if trying to memorize the feel of you. Then he stepped back, his eyes red but dry. “Take care of yourself,” he said, his voice hoarse.
And then he was gone.
—
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. It’s been 1 year and 3 months since you’ve seen Wriothesley. And though the ache in your chest remained, you found solace in the quiet life you had reclaimed. Wriothesley had thrown himself into his work, the Duke of the Fortress of Meropide once again untouchable and alone. You hoped he was okay. You hoped you both would be.
But sometimes, late at night, you’d think of the stars reflected in the sea and wonder if he ever thought of you too.
-the end.-
Taglist: @lunabarks123
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin angst#genshin impact x reader#wriothesley angst#wriothesley fluff#wriothesley x reader#wriothesely genshin#wriothesley#soft smut#wriothesley soft smut#angst no comfort
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His smirk was distracting her in all the best ways, even more so when he bit on his bottom lip. He had to know the effect it has on her. "Hm, that is tempting.Do I get a hint of what the sneak peek is?" Just playing along, because she knew he had mentioned being tired. Chances were, they'd both be passed out within minutes. "You're right, she'll have time to adjust to having another baby in the house. Otherwise, she might not want to share her dad with another sibling. Juju and I were just saying that! I was sure she was going to have a boy, but baby girl surprised us. She's going to be the first girl in the family, and first grandchild for them too. They can't wait to meet her, it's a really exciting time for the Contreras family. I'm just really happy for Juju, to be surrounded by all that love." Laurel made a show out of listening to him, her head tilted to the side and nodding encouragingly as he spoke. As if she's never heard these things before. It amused her that he thought her introductions at work were sexy. "Borrowing, yes exactly. You gotta admit babe, I do rock your sweatshirts. They all live cozily in my closet, safe and sound."
"It'd be much appreciated, it would give me a chance to block the door. Though, then you'd be late for work, so maybe not." she added to his joke before planting a kiss to his cheek. "Hm, the most serious federal crime. Absolutely no touching."
At the mention of Juju's latest show, Laurel could only laugh before nodding in agreement. "Oh my goodness, you're right. I was thinking more baby number one and baby number two, like the characters from The Cat in the Hat. But, ten nameless babies does sound more like the Umbrella Academy. Let's not get ideas from there." But, now she was picturing mini red sweaters from the cat in the hat. Thing one and Thing two, adorable. "I think so too, next time we'll break our record for naming our baby. Even sleep deprived, you are insanely smart babe. Coming up with Rosebud was a genius moment."
Her hand rested on her stomach, his proud smile making her emotional beyond understanding. "Our tiniest cheerleader. Time is moving so fast, I'm ready...and yet, I'm not," she admitted. The thought of all the Phillips under one roof was intriguing to her. She had spent limited time with all of them in one place, but she hadn't had the chance to see Eli enjoy his family. That was enough to convince her that this was the right idea. "Is this how you're convincing me, with them taking the night shift? Because I'm in. I'll work extra hard to convince them to join us here," she teased with a wide smile. Her smile growing when he brought up the cabin in Chicago. "Wait, yes. Well, not this year for sure, but soon, we'll take her. Spending the holidays there with our girl sounds like a dream. Is the festival back already? But, yes, I'd love that. Maybe we get a headstart on our Christmas shopping." Not really, but there were always plenty of trinkets that she couldn't resist. She squeezed his hand, cozily leaning against his shoulder as they walked through the crowd. "True, but if your sisters can't get him to smile, then nothing will."
Isaac spotted his brother and Laurel walking towards them, and he just waved in their direction. Inez and Emma couldn't help their smiles upon seeing them, remnants of the fun they had earlier. "We're ready, yes! It was so much fun. You should've seen Isa's face, he looked like a deer in headlights." Isaac only rolled his eyes, "I was not, but yes we should go." Shortly after, Laurel mentioned the dinner plans they made earlier, which Emma clapped her hands at. More plans, more fun. For now, at least, it was time to head home and freshen up.
Eli smirked and chewed his bottom lip. "Tell you what, once we get home and after we say goodnight, we'll sneak peek one thing off our list," the list in question was the things they hadn't done in months. Sure, this time they'd have to get creative with her protruding belly but a challenge he knew they'd excel at. "I am too not gonna lie. At least it'll give us some time and her some time to see what it's like to have a sibling like best friend. I honestly can't believe we're all having girls first. I thought since Aaron had brothers that that track record would continue." His laughter rang out as he knew that would catch her attention. "First off, when you're out of the shower and you let your hair air dry but it starts getting curly," that sight always had him staring. There was something so sexy about her hair like that. "Then, it's when you introduce yourself at work. The sexiest one of all is truly when you steal, er...borrow my sweatshirts that you never give back."
He smiled as his lips were still close to her fingertips. "So you're saying you want me to walk slower like a snail? Would that be better?" Eli couldn't help but joke since if she asked he'd do anything she asked. "I'm not sure but wouldn't that be a federal crime if they touched?"
He cringed knowing how right she was. "Poor ten babies being nameless. They'd just be baby numbers at that point. Like what's that show juju was obsessed with, oh right, Umbrella Academy. Wasn't there a kid named Seven?" Just because he wasn't really watching didn't mean he hadn't paid attention when the girls took over the TV. "I don't know. We shall see after we get our first out. But I do think there's less pressure after the first since you're a little more confident. And that was on my sleep deprived self when I came up with Rosebud. Soon as we knew it was a girl that nickname just clicked."
"She's already on our side." The proud smile spread over his features as the thought of their girl became more of a reality. "I can't believe she'll come meet us in a little under 4 weeks. That's insane to me." The Phillips under one roof was insanity but in the same place that was a dream. "It will get chaotic but it'll be so much fun. We'd put them to work the night shift with Rosebud." Laurel brought up a good point. "You know what, that's a good point. We need to take her to the cabin in Chicago. I feel like you can't go anymore but maybe we can go to that indoor Christmas festival. Something to get us out of the house." He watched her get up and was ready to render aid as he got up after her. Taking her hand was the normal and interlocked it. "Hmm I don't know. I may say debatable if he's still thinking I hate him."
They moved through the crowds easily until they found his siblings. "You guys ready to go?"
#omg pls always !! 🥺🥺#we love the fluffy lally cloud! and him teasing too!! her knees are weak already#juju tuning in to umbrella academy hahaha that got me!! of course she's the first to tune in 🤭🤭🤭#hahahah do eli and nettie share that bit of 'loving when they're introducing themselves'
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pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:
the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon
to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)
the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon
pretty much everything about that gible
blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)
boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen
pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character
#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit#the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league#but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle#i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/#that battling didnt even come up once#ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one#but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me#and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just#had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we#but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc#where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass#she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask#the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy#but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own#have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent#like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward#rewarding#imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show#as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all#was kind of a shitty move#like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th#which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself#by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!!#like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there#so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall#echoed voice
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just finished interviewing bellini for one of my finals in my comedy class and i'm losing my mind over bellini going on a tangent about how if he were grading my comedy over the past year he would give me an A+. like i didn't ask him to say that and it wasn't related to any of the questions i asked but you better believe i'm leaving that in to be like see professor? BELLINI gave me an A+!!!
#it was very sweet lmao and a great conversation over all#last time i was in town i told bellini a one-liner i came up with about the 2SLGBTQIA+ acronym having the exact qualifications#for a strong password (8 letters a number and a special character) and he said he's repeated it to several people#and it's always gotten a big laugh!! which is so cool!!! i'm not typically a ''joke'' writer my stuff is usually character-driven#so that's awesome that both bellini AND scott really loved that line!!#bellini in particular has been such a fan of my comedy since we first met (across multiple eras now)#like we met while i was working on my musical ''other girls'' and he was so excited to hear about it when i first mentioned it#and had me send him the recording as soon as i got it#and he's been so helpful in developing aubrey as a solo sketch character too#it's so cool having a professional comedian (especially one with such a meticulously good ear for comedy like bellini)#be as excited about my work as i am and be able to help me refine it into something even better#and especially as a queer comedian today who's finding it difficult to navigate this landscape of being ''bad representation''#bellini having been an openly gay comedy writer for almost double my lifetime is such a great resource to have!!#of course a lot of this is true for scott too (tho scott hasn't actually *seen* any of my comedy yet. he's just heard me tell jokes from it#but bellini is such a special mentor for me and i'm so happy we randomly connected over mouth congress over a year ago
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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)
#and like i say: brf slt#they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like#interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun#and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology#i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yet🙏#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on#like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time#until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became#close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myself😭😭😭#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY#nothing has happened to me. nothing#that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i#did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm#not around🤨 i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023#this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who#blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me advice😔#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him#my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff#and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls#for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too#precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine#HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they#didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know#the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of#it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession
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I can go on that ramble about the future and housing and aromanticism though now. It’s like man, the future is already something that is so inconceivable to me. To then have the sexuality that does not allow me to slot in the cookie cutter you find a romantic partner that you end up moving in with is terrible. And like In this economy I sure can’t live alone, and I know at least when I’m sick I desperately want someone to be there. And then there’s I’m likely to move around a bunch how do you deal with that housing, other than the work having paid housing. like constantly having to find somewhere that’s looking for roommates and it isn’t terrible? And then long term, when I find a job I stay at for a while (that’s remote so I’d love to live in a remote place) is it like I find a place to stay and then I’m stuck there forever and I just have to hope that I make good friends at this new place. (Friends that don’t want to live exclusively with a romantic partner no less.) I want to live with close friends so bad and I’m not sure if that’s a feasible thing for my future. I’m a person that has so much hope so I have to assume that yes it will work out, I do believe that. But man just hearing someone mention it, sparks that hope.
#… vaguely related other way too personal ramble#I need to try so hard to keep my friends for a long time. I want it so much#but I’ve never had close friends till now and once I went to a different period in my life the friends I had were gone#and Ive made really close friends now in college and one day I was talking with one of them on a walk home and mentioned still being friend#in 5 years. and they were like that’s not happening this friendgroup isn’t sticking together that long and they were right#at least for them specifically they were the one that came back worse and it’s a big group#there are most definitely different groups inside it and that makes me worry if once I finish college I’ll still chat with them at all#and oh hey tying this into another thought I had earlier… I’m planning on studying abroad next semester (that’s the application I’m procras#inating rn lol) and I’ll be like 8 hours in the future and I guess that’ll be the ultimate test on if I can really keep friends#a trial run before I graduate#and I won’t let this thinking of the future ruin my time now I know that doesn’t help but still.#well… actually summer sorta also is a trial run. and I still talked with them just less often and in a different way… it’s gonna be okay#this is a post i made#uh I am bad at tagging if things are vent posts or not#vent#oh I completely forgot to put the online part of the tag ramble! Ive made quite a few friends online and we talk for a while and I love the#and then it’s a every once in a while going hey I still care about you but I can’t hold a conversation for the life of me#and now there’s. you know who. who I care about so much and we say things I never imagined people saying about me#and I am so scared? (… sure) that that’s gonna go the same way. and I’m not sure reassurance on any of this will really help I think it’ll#just be I will only be less scared of the future as time passes and it’s proven to be wrong#mh hit the I want to keep this all inside and not let this out to not make other people think about it thing#… okay now I need to make a joke that is so tonal whiplash cause uhhh okay siffrin#… I need to go to sleep it’s late I’m sure that’s why all these feelings are being brought up… ’I’m fine’ as great role model siffrin says#… but it doesn’t feel real that people care about me. that I do actually have an impact. that I’m actually a note in someone’s story#I know it logically everyone I’ve ever known is part of me but it’s so hard to imagine that applies to me in others#okay I’m gonna go shower and go to sleep. I wanna say ignore this post but that’s not a good idea I don’t think#though just talking into the void does help a lot. I’m great at talking myself into believing that things are a okay if I just talk about i#… this wasn’t supposed to be a vent or be so long geez
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an interesting thing abt jgy antis is like. where is the source of their, shall we say, negative opinion of jgy? like, 1. jgy is a villain, he does horrible things with no remorse, he’s willing to do everything to achieve his selfish, egotistical goals. --> 2. the source of this claim: this, this and this scene. --> 3. alright, but to me -- says someone who’s not an anti -- this reads differently. that he did all those things, and did them on purpose and without remorse, is not that obvious to me. why do you think that? --> 4. well, obviously because he’s a villain and does horrible things with no remorse.
like... he’s evil because he does bad things, and he does bad things because he’s evil. i’m interested in how antis came by those opinions, but a, unfortunately i have them all blocked, and b, even if i or someone else made a poll, it wouldn’t be authentic because no sane anti is going to say “well, people hated him and wrote all those things about him on twt, so i started hating him as well”, or “i only care about wgxn, you could sell me anything about other characters if your arguments were convincing enough because i zoned out during the parts when wgxn weren’t on screen/pages of the book”. it’s all “written in the book/shown in the show” and “logical arguments you’d agree with if only you could read”.
#thinking back to my early c/q/l days where i reblogged this dumb ass meta abt how jgy FOR SURE pushed lxc away because he WANTED HIM#to be tormented by uncertainty forever. like 'the worst person you know just saved your life; what now' kinda thing#i was like oh... THIS IS SO RIGHT... because it felt bittersweet and painful and i am Still guilty of accepting/agreeing with headcanons#or interpretations that aren't 100% what i think because i have this ingrained idea that other people are always more mature and#sophisticated and smarter than me and so they Know Better#the person (i think?) later went on to write a meta abt how jgy is a badwrong narcissist. so#(this is also the reason why i spent months praising and getting excited abt a fic where jgy was dating nmj for like a decade despite#not loving him; and why he cheated on him many times with lxc Just Because. i didn't think jgy would do something like that but everyone#else was like omg this is SOOOOO good so i was like shit i guess it is! IT'S SOOOO GOOD OMG;;;;; have i mentioned i have no brain on#my own? yea)#anyway i'm not gonna paint myself as this genius from the first watch because I Too had wgxn goggles fucking ON and didn't even notice#the box hand touch during my first watch. (have i mentioned i am not very smart or observant) and when wwx was whistling ghosts at jgy#and jgy was clearly Going Thru It in the guanyin temple i was like 'haha good for him'#but iirc i Was nonetheless drawn to him (although xy was first <3) and it was like. well he's evilbad but maybe he felt bad when he murdered#his child? --> well maybe he's not 100% evilbad... maybe... --------------> a-yao did nothing wrong and i will kill you if you even suggest#otherwise. (<-- a joke.)#anyway a whole bunch of antis seem like kindasorta stuck in that initial wgxn-centered; everyone else either has 2 personality traits Max#or is either wgxn allies (good) or wgxn Haters (we hates them forever!) just like. unwilling to accept any new viewpoints At All#and then there are Types of those jgy antis because you have people who hate him for Other Reasons and people who hate them because they.#honestly seem like they've only read moralistic books for young children where the brave kind hero is the one you're supposed to cheer for#and want to be like; and the villain has all the traits you're supposed to know are Bad (mean greedy selfish lazy etc) AND NOTHING ELSE.#its like that *man who only saw boss baby watching another movie* damn this is giving me some serious boss baby vibes ! meme#anyway. love it when the tags are 3x longer than the post. cheers#shrimp thoughts
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ok went back six months trying to find the murder suicide joke I reblogged some time ago to cope but couldn’t find it and I’m feeling more normal now so crisis averted
#by the time I reblogged all the other stuff I’ve reblogged over the last 6 months I was feeling so much better lmaooo#I promise I am not killing my mother or myself I was just very very very very angry at the situation and for a moment I was like#oh wow one of us is gonna kill the other huh. and then we’d be so devastated we’d obviously kill ourselves. anyway#tw suicide mention#I was gonna make the joke again to cope lmao but I really am okay now#but understandably everything I reblogged the way I just reblogged it may worry people so I wanted to clarify. all good now!#all good now I prommy even if we are pretending it never happened#was there even a murder suicide joke. Was it more than 6 months ago. am I making it up. who makes murder suicide jokes. Ugh
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How's it going with your coworker??!!
I'm still so fucking soft and that's really all I've got for today lmao
#not snz#i did the whole 'feel how cold my hands are' thing and it fucking worked like??#but my hands are actual legit always fucking freezing so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#BUT i held his hand half the time and fuck i didn’t know people's hand could feel that nice#like once again I'm touch starved to the point i hardly know how to give a proper hug bc i almost never give/receive them#so anything would probably feel good lmao#but like his hands are so warm and they're not at all soft but they are super gentle?? idk it's weird#i might’ve thought a little too hard about it hskaksk we're gonna have to move on lmao#mainly we just talked a lot as always and he was an asshole but he's also so sweet???? like it's crazy#OH and there was one point he like put his arm on the seat behind me so it wasn’t quite around me but it was a little bit#like please why do i want that so bad lmao normally I'm afraid of people doing anything like that to me#hugged him before we left too and 😩#the way i wanna hold him and pet his hair so bad is wild lmao like i just cannot stop being pathetic#like i fr need to stop thinking about it ahskaksksl that's my coworker#and i was talking to the other girlies while we were walking back to our cars and gossiping and catching up#and i mentioned hanging out with my partner to which they were both like 👀 and i had to convince them that it wasn't a date lmao#but they both agreed with me that it can't be a date if nobody says it's a date so it was still Not A Date#yay for women LMAO#However they did say it didn't sound quite platonic either so they're still 👀 ahskamksla#and they've been joking about me and this guy for a hot minute now so they're double 👀 lmao#the other medic always said he's got a soft spot for me and that just kinda makes me 🥰 ya know#but also why do i lowkey feel sick about the thought of him actually being into me lmao like is thay normal#maybe sick isn't the right word but i feel something and it's not exactly pleasant but it's definitely not bad#maybe it's just the cramps LMAO idk#anyway i just feel kinda weird but it's not a bad weird so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#again it's not like this is ever gonna go anywhere so i don't think i need to try too hard to figure it out lmao#anyway I'm cold and tired and wanna go to bed now lmao i can barely keep my eyes open to make this post#idk how coherent this is gonna be so I'm just gonna hope for the best lmao
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i do need 2 work on rewiring my brain so that my immediate very first thought whenever i dont do a small task (like brushing ny teeth taking a shower picking up my room etc) isnt 'We Should Kill Connor ." this would be pretty good for me to do. putting this on the list
#its difficult. i used to be rly good abt not doing kms type jokes bc i did when i was younger and then i stopped bc of um . stuff#nd i think it rly was good for me nd then ykw started making them a LOT and now i do them constantly and ik itis bad for me like. as a guy#whos been suicidal since i was 7. yk. ik itisnt good for me but its hard#idk. i need 2 try 2 stop making them again. like idt ppl who make them r evil I personally dont tend to use them very seriously#it rly is judt a like. Ugh something annoying happened i should kms. but like. witht he we should kill connor joke its Less and less a joke#and more just feeding into ummmmm. the bad parts of my thing that i have to be vague abt so ppl dont worry.#Im not planning anything its not that. its just a belief i have that is ummm concerning to many but very comforting to me and keeps me sane#but i dont like 2 talk abt it . bc ppl tend to get worried its rly not anything that bad its judt likeee. I know that thing is true and#there isnt anything i can do to stop it from happening so i made peace with it ages ago and its comforting that i dont have 2 like. worry#abt whatll happen bc ik whatll happen#sry im being vague ive like. i think ive mentioned it a couple times and ppl get very concerned (my old psych literally told me verbatim#That sounds so terrifying.) and likeee. there have been times its scared me a lot like i can remember a few times i woke up having a panic#attack bc i didnt want to do it but i know thats whatll happen and its fine. but it wont be any time soon#it keeps me from doing anything honestly bc like. why rush FJFNFJNFNik itll happen eventually no matter what i do so even when it gets bad#enough i think abt it im like. yk. it helps. i kind of lost a bit of vagueness. please dont worry abt it fr like. it keeps me sane it keeps#me calm. but anyways i say all this to sayyyy that like. idk it might be a while b4 i commit to trying to stop making jokes like that just#bc like. i have a lot of other stuff abt me i need 2 fix first but i think it would probably be good for me if i stopped. sigh. which suck#bc like its been said time and time again that like. Im going to kms is just like. it encapsulates feelings very well there r like no other#exclamations that fit. aside from the like. Krill my shellfish type things but thats the reason i slipped back into just saying kms in rhe#first place so. UGH. and theres so many fucking stupid tjmblr ones. like no im not going to sub Kys for Go step on a lego >_< bc like... im#not 1. 5 or 2. 27. the 2 ages i think ppl would say shit like that.#sry my vendetta against 27 year olds is neverending idk i just dont like whatever happens to tumblr users of dhat age. ive mentioned it#several times inwont go into it and im probably near out of tags anyway#ive got 7 more spend em wisely one supposes. idk. its just difficult. ik its judt words and shit and im sure i cn come up with good#alternatives. theres judt like not any rhat r like the same vibe without also reinforcing My stuff in an unhealthy way. idk. idkk#like not that making kms jokes is gonna make me do it anytime soon but like yk . ik i cant blame my self loathing spike on this alone#bc ive like. Beeeeeeeen going through some stuff thats contributing way more#but i do think before i started making these jokes again my self loathing and like. rhe amt of time i thought abt it was less . idk#sui ment#<- jic i tried not to be like. too much. but you know
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Personal vent and ugly mental illness symptom talk
So, I should unpack this with my therapist, but shit's embarrassing, so I'm just gonna vent it out on the public internet lmao.
I was typing out a whole thing about how I KNOW I'm aromantic, and despite that, still have moments where my brain gaslights me into believing I'm in fairytale love.
I should preface by saying I have not officially been diagnosed with either additional mental illnesses I believe that I have (B.P//D and AD//HD [which lol being on AD//HD meds since antidepressants didn't do anything has given me some notable improvement, but I'm still without a diagnosis], nor Au//tism) DESPITE repeatedly asking multiple therapists multiple times and a psych like 100 times to give me a definitive yes or a no.
But holy shit. So I'm typing about how I've 'Favourite Person'-ed multiple people at multiple points in my life across all ages, and I'm like, okay, it's been a hot minute since I refreshed my definition of that, I should make sure that's still a thing and not something I just made up or has been dropped from the symptoms or whatever the case. I wanna make sure I'm using it right in this rant about how falling into Favourite Personing people in the past has made me believe 'wait, maybe I'm not aro, this HAS to be like the deepest truest love in existence, despite my years of knowing I'm aro.' Like, I'm so aro I once calculated out the date, months in advance, I was gonna tell someone I was dating that I loved them, only because it seemed like a socially acceptable amount of time to say it. I wasn't thinking about what I actually felt lmao. (And that was probably not a FP relationship, too, so I know that was absolutely an aro incident.)
Anyways, so I'm reading a couple articles to make sure I articulate my points about how it's conflicted with being aro, and I read about how people falling into having a FP will even hate that person for the slightest perceived wrongs. (I knew this, I just was thinking about the love incidents since that's what was related to my point about being aro.)
And holy shit. That just. Unlocked a memory I have about when I was an older kid, like probably 9ish (and older), I HATED my best friend of many years and who would continue being my bff for more years. Who was my everything. I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hated them. I would lie awake at night (insomnia too tho) thinking about how much I hated them and I couldn't understand why I didn't just stop being their friend and start hanging out with old friends more instead. I just couldn't do it, I wanted to hang out with THEM. I was so sick and feeling jealous of them whenever I found out they'd been hanging out with someone else one-on-one and I wasn't invited. Even when it was their own family. One time they brought me a plate of cookies by surprise for (before) a holiday that they'd just made with their cousin or something. And I felt so sick about how I wasn't there for that, it felt like an insult. I couldn't have put this into words, unless I just now read that point in an article and made a connection. It was so confusing, because usually the people who hated their 'best friend' was like, the mean girl kinda character who intentionally does it to hurt the innocent main character or something, but I was the one who felt wronged every time those feelings would come up. And this wasn't just a 'man it's so annoying when they do this specific thing.' This was active stewing, in a slow cooker, all day and all night kinda thing.
I was never romantically or sexually attracted to that person, but I probably wrote all this off as either unrelated sexuality or gender bullshit when I figured that out later. But knowing now that there was definitely someone (actually, I'm thinking of WAY more people as I'm typing this, and just realized why I stopped loving a band and started hating them 'for no reason' wow lmao) that I FP'ed who I definitely WASN'T attracted to, suddenly convinces me that I was probably right in suspecting B.P//D. (Or, y'know, maybe I don't have that specifically, and it's the symptom from a different facet of mental illness or whatever.) I've been so hung up over how I'm aro, sometimes ace, and then this 'only' happens towards people I am attracted to. Like, 'maybe it was love and I'm just terrible at it.' (No! It's not! Aro is correct! That's just the brain manipulating me to get another hit of dopamine off a FP! It's just easier to happen to someone I'm attracted to!)
It's no fucking wonder why I always worried about people hating me in secret, and it's because I was absolutely making myself insufferable because of that worry. I know for a fact that some people definitely did hate (or. Lmao. Shut up. Like, 'resented' maybe fits better) me for demanding constant attention that was never reciprocated by anyone I've ever met in my entire life.
I probably wrote-off so many symptoms as 'I was a moody teen and kind of an asshole.' Except it happened before and after I was a teen, too. I would have excused everything that happened during and before high school, when I should have been looking for these patterns I kept following for years after. It doesn't help that my first relationship was wildly toxic (mostly against me in this one case), and while I didn't feel particularly bothered by it after I got over the nightmare breakup, I just kept going 'What if it was the sole cause of all of this and I'm just repressing that?' Well, phew! No, it's not, that was thankfully just a toxic embarrassment, and not the source of all my problems. I was already on the shitstorm trajectory. That's a major relief. If you can call it that. I really don't like discussing that one, but not in a trauma way, more like a, you don't really wanna discuss pissing your pants on accident kinda way. Unpleasant to remember, wildly embarrassing to talk about, but ultimately not a life-altering event.
Ughhhhh. Maybe I should bring this (the mental illness not the relationship) up to the therapist. But like, I haven't been close friends with anyone in like 6 years or so, so I don't have any current or even recent examples about how being in friendships has always turned out Russian Roulette for me. My therapist doesn't seem to believe how bad it was for me to be in friendships where I was unintentionally FP'ing someone. Because besides the depression and anxiety (and mild OCD), I'm a totally normal person to her who's just dealing with shit health problems and grief (and frustration from being trans and not in a safe place to transition). Y'know, normal life problems most people will feel at some point, just chronic in my case. I may be weird, but I'm obviously far from the worst she's seen. I'm not uniquely mentally ill.
((Except the whole 'treatment resistant depression' diagnosis bullshit from the psych, but I'm learning it's not just mental issues I have that are treatment resistant lol.))
I tried talking to her about a small part of all this before, but IDK what I did wrong, she took it 100% as me being the one unintentionally wronged and not setting MY own boundaries (lmao), so like I don't know how to word this in a way she'd understand that most of my problems in this area were my own fault. (I mean that both negatively and neutrally, because it's an ugly side of mental illness, but not one I chose or know how to help.)
Not being in close friendships with anyone has had an understandably sane-ifying effect on me (barring the, y'know, depression/anxiety/OCD and baseline weirdness), which has gotten me trapped for the 5th time in 6 years of making my therapists believe I'm better off than I actually am. (I've done this to every therapist I've ever had before that, too.) But like, again, at least for the past 3 therapists and the latest psych, I AM actually better for not having close friends lmao. Only one therapist ever had one visit of me wanting to address these concerns specifically while they were currently active, and by the next visit, we had to shift exclusively to sudden new grief lol. (What a shitshow. It somehow always ends up that whenever I wanna treat an illness, it's like opening a can of worms, except the worms are firecrackers and I didn't set the can down and step back a few feet.)
Like, it obviously feels safer to not have close friends at all because there's no fear of abandonment if I have no one to begin with. And, genuinely, I operate better when I'm alone. But now that I've known safety, it's hard to imagine throwing myself back into the roulette wheel, hoping I don't land on red OR black. But fuck, man. It is lonely.
And being aro? It's freeing, and validating too, to have a word for it, but I'm not gonna mince words here, I hate it. I wish I could feel romantic love. Like normal, not mentally ill ""love."" I feel platonic love all the time, like for friends (not FP) always. I love saying 'I love you' to friends and meaning it. But I want to feel romantic love. I just don't. I just feel friendship, Favoriting, and/or sexual attraction sometimes. Probably why I'm so into shipping and fanfics. I got a lot more "probably why's" but I don't wanna go down that in this already vulnerable post lol. (I already made a whole post about one of the why's back in like 2013 or 14 lmao, without connecting it to this.)
Anyway, I put this whole mental illness and relationships deal into ugly imagery in a current fic WIP I'm working on, since recognizing I was aro took living through FP'ing a few 'romantic' relationships, before I even first heard the term FP. I only saw my experiences as 'I don't think I've been experiencing love' and that by itself felt like it fit. I didn't realize there was anything wrong, even as I outwardly said shit like 'I don't think I'm fit for being in a relationship' to the few people who asked me out, even when I wanted to say yes.
And then I kept trying to make relationships work lmao. I don't know why I even bothered. I just wanted to be wrong about being aro, especially when it was a point of contention (aro and ace separately) with some of the relationships.
I'd probably have to meet another aro person of the exact same flavour of aromanticism to make it work, but even then the mental illness would just be a ticking time bomb. No one wants to be the recipient of FP 'affection', except maybe sometimes the fictional people in a certain fiction trope that winds up being fetishistic, even if it's not intended to insult real people (but sometimes it is). And it's just a reminder of how I was probably a big source of toxicity for probably half the people who have ever been close with me, if it's even half of how fiction portrays people with this symptom.
I dunno where I wanted to end this vent, so here's probably a good place. Just wanted to get this off my chest, because it just now felt like a pretty big revelation that my problems weren't related to romanticism, I've had purely platonic instances of this dating back to being an older kid, and more during high school, and I just never connected the two before now.
#dont read if u think im cool#id rather stay cool lol#long post#delete later / /#(in case i change my mind or wanna edit)#Cori.exe#Post.exe#man i talk a lot#shouldve spent this time writing fics instead but i rly needed to talk (type) this out since i dont wanna bring it up in therapy again yet#anyway lmao there we go#rly excited for the fic tho. besides the stuff i mentioned i also took this popular trope and#wait#why am i spoiling it im not gonna convince anyone who read this post lol youll just have to wait for the hot platonic smmmmmut#and hilarious storytelling by one char#and then (still a wip) round 2#bc no fic is complete until theres a round 2. imo.#((yes i know i have a different round 2 thats over a month late past when i was gonna post it lol i havent forgotten))#here we go writing an essay in the tags now too lmao#ok i need a break for my eyes and then im gonna try to write the platonic one more#hhhh anxious tht my reputation will tank from posting this. idk how i or my 2 followers will survive th consequent backlash and cancellation#(joke)#(still anxious tho)#(i have diagnosed chronic anxiety lol)#eager to know what id be cancelled from tho. maybe my puppetfuckinglicense gets revoked.#maybe my shrimp get taken into protective custody#shrustody#sorry i dont mean to make light of legit cancellations im just trying to convince myself its okay to post on my own blog#good fucking luck catching all those shrimp tho i dont even know how many i have. they control their own population at this point.#they probably have their own system of... shrovernment#Prime Shrimpister Isosceles rules with an iron swimerette i wouldnt wanna interfere with that sovereign nation
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