#is missing the inclusion for love. cause he never knew that it was real before

[wiredsignal]

so funny when ppl post about "oh my smut fics weird plot". like uh dont we all know one of the greatest smut fics of all time is about the omelas hole? sorry. really putting the hole in omelas hole. no sorry. about what if two guys fucked in the omelas hole. sorry no okay what if two guys fucked in a hole adjacent to the omelas hole and one guy learns that his society had a very deep omelas hole, and so does he.

[fruitcoops]

Night Changes

This isn't based on an ask, but I've had some early-Cap ideas brewing and think about the first time the team heard him laugh a lot. His and James' friendship is so sweet in SW--the beginning of it must have been such a shock to them both. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

So maybe James had bitten off more than he could chew. It wasn’t the first time, to be sure, but coaxing (read: drag kicking and screaming) his new teammate out of the carefully-constructed mosaic of scowls that made up his entire personality was proving to be a little more challenging than he previously expected. With most rookies, all it took was some elbow grease and overenthusiastic inclusion in group events to get them to open up—with his brand-new soon-to-be best friend, he had to handle things a little more delicately.

Sirius Black was a puzzle wrapped up in one of those freaky code-breaking machines from World War Two Lily liked to talk about. He was one of the best hockey players James had ever seen, but off the ice he seemed to shut down. The intense focus on his face smoothed out into almost perfect neutrality, and in the four months since he joined the Lions, he had never once smiled for real in front of the team. He sat in his stall and padded up in silence, then went out and kicked ass before following Pascal home like a living shadow.

Naturally, James took it as a personal mission to pry Sirius Black’s closed-off persona open like a stubborn oyster. He tried including Sirius in group events—the rookie went along with a quiet “yeah, sure”, but sat at the table and nursed a single drink for the entire night. He tried getting into friendly banter with him on the ice, but it was like Sirius had never joked with anyone in his life. Hell, he even tried finding him a girlfriend, which tanked harder than the goddamn Titanic.

“Rookie!” James shouted down the hallway.

Sirius jumped and turned around, obviously confused. “Me?”

“Yes, you,” James laughed, jogging over to toss an arm over his shoulders. “What’s up?”

“Not much.”

He waited for Sirius to continue, then rolled his eyes and gave him a friendly shake. “C’mon, man, how was your weekend? Has Dumo coerced you into being a stay-at-home babysitter yet?”

Sirius’ frown deepened. “What? I come with him to practice every day.”

Change tactics, change tactics— “Got any plans for Friday?”

James knew the answer, of course; it was always no or not yet or a simple shake of the head. If he was a less observant man, he would have assumed Sirius didn’t actually want to hang out with the team. But the longing looks toward their easy rhythm and the way he always tilted himself toward locker room conversations told a different story. “None yet,” Sirius said with a shrug.

James gave him a friendly slap on the back. “Good, ‘cause I’m having a party at my place and you’re not allowed to miss it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I want you to be there, duh.” The bewilderment didn’t fade from Sirius’ face, but beneath it—well, maybe James was just seeing things, but he looked almost hopeful. He ruffled Sirius’ hair and headed for the locker room. “Friday at five, rookie! I’ll be waiting!”

--

The week passed in a slog of practices and cold weather. Sirius clammed up more and more as the party drew closer, but James didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered between the rest of them like he was analyzing a play. He would make one hell of a captain someday, if he could just relax a little.

“Hey, rookie, want a ride?” he asked when the big day finally arrived.

“Don’t you want to go home and set up first?” Sirius’ brow furrowed. For an eighteen-year-old kid, he was awfully thoughtful. James couldn’t wait to see him let loose a little. “I wouldn’t want to get in your way.”

“It’s a yes or no question,” he teased, poking the bit of exposed shoulder through the widening hole in Sirius’ under armor.

“I…” He faltered, then the corner of his mouth twitched up. It was the closest thing James had seen to a smile from him yet. One point for Potter. “Sure, Pots. Thanks.”

“No problem. Meet me at my car in five or so, yeah?”

“D’accord.”

“Oho, fancy French,” James laughed, turning back to unlace his skates.

It wasn’t until thirty seconds after Sirius left the room that he remembered he never told the rookie what his car looked like. Horrible, terrible visions of the poor guy wandering around the parking lot—or, god forbid, thinking James had left without him—flashed through his mind. It would undo everything he had been working so hard to build.

“Shit,” he hissed under his breath as he shoved his gear into his duffel with reckless abandon and hurried out of the locker room. His legs would be stiff from trying to run so soon after a grueling drill practice, but it was worth it to save his friend. “Rookie? Hey, Sirius, you still here?”

There was no response. James cursed again and made a beeline for the door to the parking lot. Please, God, don’t let him get lost. I need him to trust me.

“Oh, thank fuck,” he panted as he burst out onto the half-frozen concrete.

Sirius looked up from his phone with a strange expression. “Are you okay?”

“Thought I lost you for a sec.”

“You said to meet at your car, yes?” He glanced between James and the car in sudden worry.

“Yeah, yes, absolutely, I just—” He made an aborted gesture and dug his keys out of his pocket. “I realized I forgot to tell you which one is mine.”

Sirius blinked at him. “I know what your car looks like.”

“How?”

“Because you drive it here every single day and you gave me a ride three weeks ago.”

‘Dumbass’ went unsaid, but James could feel it hanging in the air. He coughed lightly. “Right. Anyway, you can toss your bag wherever and hop in the passenger seat. My place isn’t far from here.”

Sirius took his duffel as he unlocked the car and settled both in the trunk with more care than James’ poor, battered bag had ever seen in its life. That was another thing that confused him about Sirius Black—he was so careful. He walked quietly for someone so tall, and each movement seemed pre-planned.

Each movement, that is, until he tried to get in the car. “Uh, Pots?”

“That’s m—oh.” James covered his mouth to stifle his laughter as Sirius tried to fold himself into the passenger seat and failed miserably. “I’m sorry, my girlfriend was sitting there last. Uh, there’s a lever on your right—yeah, there, just give it a pull and—”

With a harsh ka-chunk, the seat slid all the way back. Both men froze. It took everything in James’ power not to burst out laughing at the deer-in-headlights shock on Sirius’ face.

“Yep, that one,” he managed. “Nice job.”

They drove in relative quiet—James chattered on about weekend plans and hummed to the radio while Sirius watched out the window with the occasional monosyllable response. It took James a bit by surprise how comfortable he was, even without a steady stream of banter. Sirius might have been stubborn and silent and determined to foil all James’ plans at getting him to socialize, but he was calming to be near, like an anchor on unsteady water. Despite his overall quiet air, he was obviously paying attention to every word that left James’ mouth.

“You’re a good guy, y’know that?” he said as they turned onto his street. Sirius glanced over in surprise. “Most people tune me out within, like, five minutes.”

“I’m a good listener.”

James opened his mouth to respond, then paused. “Was that—Sirius Black, was that a joke?”

Something akin to mischief—mischief!—crossed his face. “Maybe.”

“Were you roasting me?” James gaped at him. “Oh my god. The guys are never gonna believe this.”

“Probably not.”

“You sick bastard. They won’t believe me.”

“You can give it a shot,” Sirius said with a shrug as the engine turned off. Pieces began to connect in James’ head as he stared, incredulous, at the rookie he thought would never even crack a smile. Four months of work had not been wasted, as he had feared; every joke, every one-sided conversation, and every attempt to get Sirius involved had been seen and heard and taken to heart. When he thought about it, he wasn’t sure he had ever seen Sirius actively agree to something unless James asked personally.

“We’re friends,” he said aloud, too surprised and too happy to hold it in. Not friends in the way James was with the rest of their loud, over-the-top teammates, but friends all the same.

“Well, yeah,” Sirius said as if it was obvious.

James unbuckled his seatbelt and socked him lightly on the shoulder, barely suppressing a shriek of excitement. “Love you, man. Grab your shit, we’ve got a party to set up.”

----------------

As much as it pained James to say it, having someone around who was six-foot-three was a huge help. There was no blow to his pride as he dragged Lily’s stepstool out; no grudging acceptance that he simply couldn’t reach those last two inches on the wall. Instead, he could foist any and all responsibility on his brand-new best friend in the whole wide world and focus on the things that mattered, like putting anything breakable or important far away from the grubby hands of his inebriated teammates.

His success was still ringing in his ears when the guests finally arrived—throughout the evening, James rode the high of accomplishing his mission to pull Sirius Black into his tight-knit circle. Every minute of those four months was worth it.

Midnight came and went, and by one-thirty in the morning James’ cramped living room was packed with tipsy hockey players in a vague imitation of a circle. “Non, non, I’ve gotta good one,” Dumo said, hiccupping. The room fell quiet as he leaned forward. “What do you call a body of water with a chicken in it?”

“What?” Kasey whispered, starry-eyed like a kid at Christmas.

“A swimming pool.”

The room stayed quiet, and then someone started to laugh. Slowly, they all turned to the source of the noise, and James felt a ripple of shock roll through the team as Sirius snorted. “It’s a swimming pool,” he said around a smile, his accent thick from three drinks. He had a nice laugh; James could get used to hearing it. “Like—poule, like chicken?”

His whole face was alight with happiness. James wasn’t sure whether to cry or cheer. That’s what I’ve been waiting for, he thought. That look, right there. Sirius fit in among the group like a missing piece of their puzzle, snickering away as if he hadn’t been stoically silent a day in his life. His laugh was downright bubbly.

“I don’t think they get it,” Dumo said into the rim of his cup.

Sirius shook his head, trying to catch his breath. “D’accord, so—so ‘chicken’ in French is poule, yeah? So a chicken in a body of water is a swimming poule. Do you get it now?”

A few oh’s of understanding washed over them, but several people continued to stare. “Too drink for this,” Sergei grumbled, though James could see the smile pulling at his mouth as Sirius turned to him with bright eyes.

“But it’s funny!” Sirius protested, so earnest it made James’ heart hurt.

“I think it’s funny, rookie,” he assured him with a clumsy pat on the arm. “And it’s my house, so I say Dumo gets a point this round.”

Kasey hiccupped. “Hey, anyone who makes the rookie laugh gets points in my book. No offense, dude.”

“None taken,” Sirius said, though his cheeks were pink.

James nudged him with his shoulder as Talker started a knock-knock joke. “It’s okay,” he said under his breath.

Sirius picked at the label on his cup. “I know I haven’t been very social,” he muttered.

“It’s okay,” James insisted. “It always takes rookies a while to warm up, so we’re just glad you’re happy. I’m glad my best friend is having a good time at my party.”

A heavy silence fell between them as Sirius looked over, eyebrows raised. “Best friend?”

“What, like you didn’t see this coming?” James slung an arm over his shoulder. “Yes, you French-Canadian nerd, you’re my best friend. And that means I’m your best friend, and there’s no take-backsies.”

“What the hell is a take-backsie?” Sirius laughed. “Did you make that up?”

James grinned. He had the feeling this was the beginning of an excellent friendship.

[buckybarnesdiaries]

white wolf: “the show must go on”

first part — second part

third part — fourth part (soon)

© gif credits to the author, i found it on google. if you're the author lemme know your @.

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

Sam helps Bucky to ask you out for a date and it’s a disaster, but he gets it.

word count: 1'9k.

warnings/tags: none. bucky being so innocent gives me life. + he being so damn cute as always.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

“Have plans with your girl tonight?”

Bucky clicked his tongue, putting down the weight to the holder, not turning to Sam still doing squats and an awkward noise out of breath. His partner couldn't help but raise an eyebrow and giggle while shaking his head, fast enough to steal the soldier's clean towel before he reached it.

“She's not my girl”.

“Not yet, you mean, uh?” He joked then, using the clothing like a whip to hit the metal arm. “But, you have plans or not?”

“Yeah, we have plans”. Bucky admitted eventually, glancing at Sam also stealing his bottle of water. “She invited me to watch a movie”.

It was the innocent and unworried tone of voice from him that made Sam choke, cough, and laugh at once.

“What?”

“Oh, man… Can't believe you're sinful enough to do what we do but too innocent to not see what that means”.

“It means we're gonna watch a movie”.

Bucky was confused at the laughter, trying to understand what he was referring to as he rested his back against the wall and crossed both arms over his chest. Expecting anything else from his wise friend.

“This is the twenty-first century, you ancient. We don't watch movies”.

“What d— What do you mean? You have Netflix, HBO, Prime Video… What's the point?”

Sam was deadpanned, staring in silence at the soldier, not believing what his ears were hearing. “We, guys, don't watch movies with girls, even less when they are the ones inviting us”.

Bucky squinted at him, tilting his head like a lost poppy would do, not being able to read between lines. His partner gasped exasperated, running a hand up and down his face.

“You know, man? Sometimes I feel alone, not having anyone to laugh with about that forties' manners of yours. Should I call Sarah, maybe?”

“Cut the show”. He hissed standing up and passing him away.

“Oh, no, no, no… the show has just started, man, and I have my popcorn ready”.

Bucky had been beating around the bush the whole day, trying to let it out of his mind. Of course, it was something that would happen sooner or later, and —more than of course— he wanted it to happen. The mere fact of thinking about you and him, flesh against flesh, hearing you moaning his name and making you feel good caused him goosebumps and an awkward sensation beneath his black jeans. Suddenly, swallowing saliva turned impossible, biting his lower lip while ringing the intercom of your apartment. Your response didn't last more than a couple of seconds, opening the door downstairs and waiting for him at the entrance of your apartment.

The butterflies fluttered within your bellies when Bucky stepped out of the lift, showing you that charming smile that could make you kill anyone who dared to erase it from his face.

“Trying to get me drunk?” You joked as he raised the bottle of red wine in his left hand.

“Maybe?”

“Missed you today”. You whispered at the soft kiss on your lips and his arm getting wrapped around your lower waist.

“So did I”. He sighed, sounding a little tired, caressing your nose with his.

Yesterday he talked to you about a routine medical check-up the government used to do every six months until he earned his pardon. Four hours of intense exercise to make sure the supersoldier serum was still doing its effect, as he started to feel somewhat tired since he stayed in Wakanda. For Bucky, it was really easy to open up himself with you and talk about his past and some of the things he did. And he didn't complain when you helped him to take off his leather jacket, watching him rubbing his left shoulder.

“I, uh… also was this morning with Sam. Training”. He told you, following you to your kitchen to find a couple of glasses. Turning at him, you couldn't help but raise an incredulous eyebrow. “Don't look at me like that… I know to perfection what you're thinking”.

“You're a telepath now?”

“God, no. I have enough with the voices inside my head, to hear someone's else”. He chuckled resting against the fridge. “But you're very expressive and I was trained to read body language”.

“So, what am' thinking?” You asked driven by curiosity, entertained on opening the bottle of wine.

“Look at this guy… He looks hotter than a barbecue”.

You broke into a loud laugh, shaking your head as you grabbed the drink and the glasses. “Not even close, Sergeant”.

“Liar”. He blurted into your face, passing him away to the living room where the Thai takeaway was waiting for the two of you.

“I'm not lying! You're a lousy body reader”.

“So… you can do it better, uh?”

“Didn't say so, but… yeah”. You replied, placing the wine and the glasses on the coffee table next to the big green sofa.

“Okay, go ahead. What am 'thinking, genius?”

Standing in front of him, some inches away, you squinted at his eyes in advance of touring his posture from top to bottom with your orbs.

“Look at that girl… she's hotter than a volcano”.

“Not even closer, soldier”. Bucky repeated your words, kissing his teeth and causing you to laugh again.

“Liar”.

The night went on, enjoying your dinner and watching the first part of Scary Movie. Since Bucky told you that he loved the horror genre, you thought that it'd be a good start. As you finished the Thai dishes, you two cuddled on your sofa, and it felt nice to be embraced by his muscly arms and had your head rested on his shoulder. He had never been that happier before, imagining for a moment —staring at you by the corner of his eyes— that he wasn't a retired lethal assassin controlled by a bunch of psychos, just a guy watching a movie with his girl.

For some reason that increased his pulse, having to clear his throat as the thought dried it. You couldn't let it go, wrinkling your nose with curiosity, raising your face slightly at Bucky trying to focus on the movie, and pretending everything was going okay.

“What?” He murmured about to laugh nervously, putting his head back a couple of inches to look better at you.

“Seems like you're gonna have a heart attack, what's the matter?”

The soldier breathed heavily through his nostril, expelling all the air in a sight through his parted lips. A lower giggle escaped them as your eyes widened a little more interested in his response to your question.

“Sam… Sam said something this morning”.

There it was. Your grimace turned skeptical, sitting up to borrow the control remote and pause the movie. Turning to face him and placing an arm on the headrest, you puckered your lips in a funny gesture watching him click his tongue.

“Things are different nowadays and… y'know, we used to watch movies”.

“And that's what we're doing”.

“Yeah, but… it's like… now there are some kinds of non-speak social rules”.

You knew exactly what he was referring to and seeing him somewhat troubled and tense just made your heart melt. It wasn't that he was scared, but it almost felt like.

“Is it your first time since the forties?” You dared to ask, clearly with no intentions of making fun of him.

“I've never really… y'know, I was in my twenties when I left Brooklyn. I me— mean, 'm not stupid, okay? I've done things but not… sex like… to the whole point”. Bucky didn't have his eyes on you when he made that confession, rubbing the bridge of his nose by inertia as his nervousness increased. “And now everything… is pretty different”.

“It doesn't have to”. You just replied, stretching a hand to his right one to intertwine your fingers. “Listen, Buck… We don't have to, okay? We don't have to do anything if you're not ready. We can watch the movie and then… you can go, or you can stay to sleep with me”.

“I'd like that”.

“Leave?”

“Yeah, totally, if you excuse me, ma'am… I gotta leave” He clearly joked, about to stand up until you pushed him down to the sofa bursting in laughter. “Nah, I, uh… I mean, I'd like to sleep with you tonight”.

“I'd like too, and to wake up tomorrow morning with you”.

“Yeah, would be very awkward if you go to sleep with me and wake up with another guy in your bed”.

Bucky smirked at you, biting his upper lip before leaning to press both on yours. He couldn't believe you were being so comprehensive with him, not making any other uncomfortable questions, nor kicking his ass out of your house. At that moment, he realized he was madly in love with you, bringing you closer to himself so he could embrace you tenderly between his arms. And you let him, not wanting anything else than to be with him.

At the moment the movie finished, you both stretched your hands to the ceiling with a yawn opening your mouths. You palmed his thigh to beckoning at him, urging the soldier to follow you as you rubbed your eyes using your knuckles, a little sleepy. Turning off the lights on your way to your room, you changed your clothes for a baggy Iron Maiden's t-shirt, as he stripped himself leaving his clothes on the chair in front of your bed, only wearing a pair of black boxers at the end.

You were about to ask him which side he preferred when the words died on your tongue, glancing at him with his flesh hand over his dark grey shoulder. It was the first time you saw the vibranium arm in all its glory and Bucky gave you the impression of being embarrassed. He'd never stop surprising you with plenty of emotions for things that for you didn't have any importance actually —like the fact of not having two real arms.

“Come here”. You murmured, kneeling on the mattress and palming the other lateral, observing every one of his actions till lying next to him, in the middle of the gloom of your room.

Covering both of you with the sheets and turning on your sides to face each other, Bucky took the initiative of wrapping you close to his chest, as he placed his head on your pillow. He couldn't help but take a soft breath from your heavenly smell impregnated in, provoking a smile to grow on your lips. Surrounding his neck with your arms, you sunk your fingers in his short hair, gently caressing his scalp while you started to spread tender short kisses all around his face.

“This feels good”. He purred with such a pleased tone of voice, closing his eyes as he adventured his warm hand under your shirt to draw invisible patterns on your back.

“So good”. You affirmed, peppering his cheek with a bunch of noisy smooches.

Bucky squeezed you between his grip, hiding his face into the gap of your shoulder and neck, causing you goosebumps because of his exhalation against your skin. He was comfortable being that close, with no distance separating your chests and your legs intertwined in a bundle. You saw how relaxed he was when he pulled his head back to the pillow, noses touching and his eyelids closed.

“Good night, Buck”. You whispered, still feeling his caresses on your back, leaning to kiss him one last time.

“Good night, doll”.

a / n: i hope you have enjoyed the fluffiness of these three chapters because the fourth is gonna be... chaotic.

feedback is appreciated, please, leave a comment to let me know if you liked it.

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[everyhowlmarksthedead]

; good enough

© @pedropcl

lee bodecker x fem!reader.

summary. your father invited you to his birthday party and things ended badly.

words. about 2.3k.

warnings, tags. nsfw, +18!!! drunk state, language, unprotected sex, daddy!kink, very brief degradation, mention of bodily fluids, very brief mention of violence. and i think that's all.

a / n. first time writing for this man that has me obsessed, so i hope y'all like it! none of my writings contains reader's body descriptions to be inclusive. if you find something out of place, please send me a message and i'll change it.

You didn't want to be there, but it was your father's birthday and you couldn't miss it. More than thirty minutes had passed since the last time you saw your husband standing in a corner of the large living room, sipping from his glass of whisky and judging every guest around in silence. Lee hated your parents, your family, their friends. And you didn't blame him. Your family never accepted him, always repeating that he wasn't good enough for you, nor your interests. Except for your mom. She wasn't the only one who didn't treat him like dirt.

Once that you escaped from your father's arms, showing you as a trophy and trying to set you up on a date with one of his best friend's sons, you stepped out of the house to the back garden. It was cold outside, having to close your jacket around your chest as you closed both arms over it. Following the footprints on the grass, you reached the improvised parking where different cars were stationed. The smoke coming from nowhere called your attention, glimpsing Lee sitting on the hood of his black Ford. Cigarette in his left hand and bottle of whisky in his right.

You doubted for a second to interrupt his moment of peace for the first time in two weeks. Two long weeks where you barely had spent time together. He started holding over his shifts because, apparently, there was too much paperwork to attend. You couldn't help but think that he was raving mad about you, or about something you did unconsciously. But the real problem was that your husband never used to talk about his feelings or what was going in his mind.

“I think you've drunk enough”. You uttered watching him raise the bottle to his lips.

Lee chuckled ironically, shaking his head. “Lucky me I don' care”.

Frowning and with your mouth pressed closed, you walked towards his position to face him. He had never talked to you like that, but he was being honest, shrugging his shoulders to point it out a little more.

“I do. I do care”.

“Don' worry, darlin'. I ain't gonna shame you in front of your family”. He scoffed bitterly, finally sipping from his drink. “Watya' doin' here anyway? Party's indoors”.

“You're here tho”.

“And who fuckin' cares, uh? You were having so much fun inside with that… pretty boy who works in Wall Street”. Your husband mocked taking a drag from his cigarette. “We should divorce, don' you think? So you coulda go with him to the big city, and don' be stuck in… How d'your father call it? Knockemshit. Stuck with a… fat sheriff of a shitty town”.

Lee didn't notice the tears blurring your gaze till he raised his face. The bitter smile curving his lips suddenly disappeared, putting his pale blue eyes away from you because it was too painful for him to watch you cry. Your husband gulped hardly, kissing his teeth as he threw the cigar somewhere on the ground. You couldn't believe he really wanted to divorce you, wrapping your heart with a suffocating sorrow that barely let you breathe. He was your life and, after three years together, he seemed to not give a shit about it sometimes.

“I ain' like them”. You whispered sniffing.

“Tha' doesn' change the fact that you don' deserve a man like me. Your father is right. 'M a fucking loser compared to anyone inside his damn house”.

You loved Lee with all your heart, soul, mind, body. He was everything you want in your existence —your life. So damn obsessed with his touch, his kisses, his smell of wind and leather, his smile, that beautiful pair of pale blue eyes. You refused to believe he was talking seriously.

“You should be there. I— Imma go home, tell your mo—”.

Before your husband could finish his goodbye, you interrupted him by slapping his face. He didn't see that coming and you'd never imagine yourself hitting him. But you needed it, seeming the only way to stop him from abandoning you there. He kept his face away from you, trying to comprehend what had just happened. His drunkenness suddenly disappeared, pressing his inner cheek with the tip of his tongue whilst rubbing his hand over the reddened skin. You were so mad right now that you could set on fire the whole world.

And you were about to do it a second time when Lee caught your wrist in the air, painfully gripping his fingers around it to push you closer —chest against chest. Then, he raised his index finger. “Don' you fuckin' dare to try it again, y'hear me?”

You were furiously breathing, but not filling your lungs with air in reality, keeping your eyes on the blue ones that used to steal your heart every single day. It was like a contest of dominance you knew he always won. Any time.

Your husband didn't give you the chance to say sorry, slamming his lips on yours. A moan died in his tongue when it invaded your cavity while releasing your arm to fly his rough big hands to your ass, almost grabbing it all with his long fingers. Your digits went to the lapels of his leather jacket, not lasting too much there till finishing on the back of his head.

Lee was hungry for you, just like you were for him after two long weeks barely touching each other. Your husband devoured, sucked, and bit your lips, urging you to turn around enough to push you on top of the hood of his car. His hands pulled up the skirt of your dress, wanting to reach the waistband of your panties, receiving the great surprise that you weren't wearing any.

“You little dirty girl… Don' wantin' your Sheriff to lose time, uh?” He grunted with such an animal and eager tone, as he took care of the belt and the zip of his pants.

“I need you”. You sobbed against his lips, feeling his hands maneuvering between your legs.

At least, you were fast enough to cover your mouth with a hand when Lee rammed his rock dick into your soaked cunt, drowning in your palm a loud cry of pure satisfaction for being filled by your husband. Back and forth, he hit your body once and once, impaling you against the Ford still being furious by the way your father and friends treated him as if it was your fault. Lee was mad, really mad, digging his fingers in your hips to pin you on place and don't move, continuing fucking you harder and harder —challenging you to not be able to be quiet and make everybody heard how good he used to made you feel.

“Goddammit… you're so damn ti— tight, baby doll… So tight fo— for your daddy, ain' ya?”

“Yes… Yes, daddy”. You cried hiding your face into the crook of his neck.

His strong scent filling your lungs caused you to roll your eyes white, letting your soul leave your body while his cock attacked fiercely your pussy with no mercy. Your vocals were in sync with the screeching noise the car produced in every thrust straight to your guts. The pace was insane, intense than never before, and more pleasurable than you could imagine in your life.

Lee was aware how much you loved him, that you felt devotion for him. But sometimes —sometimes like those— he couldn't help but think he could lose you as soon as you realized who he was in reality. You didn't care. You weren't blind. You knew about his dirty laundry, his past, his sister (...). And you still wanted him with all your heart and body.

“Fu— Fuck, gonna put a… baby inside you”. He growled, wrapping his right around your throat to urge you to face him. “Y'want it, uh? D'you want dad— daddy to put a baby in that… beautiful belly?”

“Yes… please, Lee”. You whined with teary eyes, being too much pleasure for your body to handle. “Please, daddy… I wa— want you to… get me pre— pregnant with your child”.

Your husband's lips curved up in a petty smirk, pulling out from your dripping cunt, causing you to sob in disappointment. Lee managed to put you down on your shaky feet to turn you and force you to bend over the hood of his car. Ass upped, legs spread. He only took a second to stare at your glistening and abused folds in your arousal, prior to impaling you again. With a hand on your lower back and the other tangled in your head, your husband obligated you to arch your back as he continued banging your anatomy once and again.

At this point, you had forgotten your name, where you are, and if someone could hear how you cried pleased any time he crashed against your g-spot. It was a mix of pleasure and pain as Lee wasn't having any kind of compassion with your cunt, clenching unconsciously around his hard length. He knew then how close you were to cumming for him —because of him—, increasing the pace while you tried to find a place to put your hands on and find some balance to stay in place. As soon as the hand tangled in your hair landed back to your throat, you gripped five fingers around his wrist, enjoying the brief lack of air because of it.

“C'mon, my swe— sweet whore… Y'wanna cum for daddy, don't ya?”

His raspy and wrecked voice fell into your ear like an angelic melody, not being able to hold your moans anymore within your mouth. The knot inside your lower belly was bigger and bigger and suffocating, feeling how it could explode at any time. Lee shoved his cock non-stopping producing a sloppy obscene sound when his pelvis crashed against your ass, along the chink of his belt against the back of your thigh.

“Daddy… Daddy…” You called him while the tears started to fall again through your cheeks, this time, of absolute satisfaction.

You couldn't help but bite your lip strongly till the metallic taste of blood covered your tongue, letting yourself go as the knot bursted within your belly. The orgasm threw you above the edge with your husband's palm covering your mouth to not be heard or it would be really awkward to be caught by all the guests, even if he didn't care. He wouldn't mind showing that pretty boy from New York that nobody could fuck his little dirty girl better than himself. Oh, how funny it would be to see his face while your husband was ramming his cock into your abused pussy, cumming inside your tight walls, digging his teeth in your neck to mark his territory.

Lee came with a sensual and passionate hoarse gasp causing you goosebumps bristling your skin, burying himself balls deep to hold it inside the mix of your juices filling up your center. It felt like being in Heaven, although you weren't sure if you could walk after such an intense quickly, feeling your walls burning as his dick still twitching and stretching your cunt.

Your husband wasn't a man of kisses after sex, that's why he surprised you when tilted your face to his and pressed his lips on yours, panting, not caring about the lack of breath. It wasn't a lustful kiss either, more than a tender and fondly one, tasting your mouth, playing with your tongue.

Pulling out his semi-erection, Lee helped you to clean yourself with a tissue before using it to clean your arousal on him and toss it to the ground. As he put on his pants, you fixed your dress and your hair, turning around.

“You meant it?” You dared to ask, still having sorrow covering your voice. “Gettin' divorced… You mean it?”

“What?” He inquired, squinting confusedly until he realized what you were talking about. He chuckled holding your chin with two fingers. “You married me, darlin'. There's no other way you're gonna spend your life but with me. Willingly or not, you hear me?”

Lee raised both eyebrows very sure of his word before you nodded your head with a fleeting smile crossing your lips.

“Can we go home now…?”

“'S that what you want?”

You nodded your head a second time, while your husband placed his arms around you with hidden possessiveness to guide you back to your childhood's house. And of course, your father was enraged when you told him that you were leaving with your husband. He yelled at you and nobody tried to stop him till the moment he had the brilliant idea of pretending to lay a hand on you.

Lee punched him. Lee broke his nose. Lee made your father fall to the floor between the pretty boy's arms. And Lee never felt better in his whole damn life.

“Don't you ever come back to this house, if you leave now with this… bastard”.

“She doesn' need you”. Your husband cooed wrapping your neck with an arm, leaning slightly to borrow your purse. “Ma'am, my pleasure a see ya' again. The beef was delicious. G'night”.

You were yet processing what just happened, ashamed of the desire for your husband himself awakened inside you after watching him hitting your father. Lee could be a total asshole sometimes but one thing was undeniable: he loved you with all his heart and soul, he was obsessed with you since the very first time his oceanic eyes contemplated you walking down the street, smelling a bucket of roses you bought for yourself.

Never again you knew anything about your family. Not even when your son, called after your husband, was born. But you weren't sad. As Lee said, you didn't need them. You had your own family to take care of.

feedback is appreciated. if you enjoyed it, please leave a comment so i can know your opinion. reblogs are needed.

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[wiypt-writes]

Rock ‘N’ Roll People In A Disco World

Part 3- Crying At The Disco

Intro: You keep vigil at Paul’s bedside, but there’s nothing to do but wait and hope he makes his way back to you.

Pairing: Paul Diskant x Reader

Warnings: Bad language, Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar the reader and any other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: Not being a medical expert, I’ve tried to make this as accurate as possible (thank you google and various other people whose brains I picked) but if there are any inaccuracies please take them as creative license! As always, I’ve tried to make this reader as inclusive as always. Images etc in the moodboard are merely used for aesthetic purposes.

Rock ‘n’ Roll People Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Part 2

 It was like he was in a blacked out fog. Nothing felt the same, nothing could move, he couldn't open his eyes, nor could he speak. It was silent, bar the faint sound of the sweetest voice, but it was so very far away, almost like it weren't real. 

"Hey, Stud." 

The sound, soft and familiar, a blessing to his ears, brought his mind to a memory, now a dream, he relived.

The alarm was buzzing annoyingly and he felt the warm body that had been pressed up against his all night rustle and slam a heavy something over the badgering clock. Then he felt two soft lips ghost over his jaw, where the joint came together, before softly kissing near his chin, up to his cheek and over his lips. 

"Day shift awaits, Officer Disco."

A sleepy smile pulled at his lips as he felt the weight of the bed shift and he peeked an eye open long enough to see her arms slip into his shirt, the material covering her naked frame. He watched her sway out of the room and soon heard sounds from down the stairs. He stretched in bed, his body happily sore from the night spent with his girl. It had been one incredibly glorious night. First the anticipation of the whole upcoming week had him giddy and happy during his shift and when he'd arrived to pick up Y/N, he knew he was a gonner. From their little flirty game before dinner to the sweet glances and soft touches at the restaurant over their rich meal to the lightning speed return trip home to truly loving on her for the first time, Paul Diskant was in heaven. And, dare he say it, in love, hypothetically. 

He chuckled at himself for the way he was feeling but he wouldn't trade it for anything, bar a repeat of the night before and for nights to come. As he kicked his legs over the side of the bed to go freshen up, he plucked his glasses from his overnight bag that he'd collected from the bottom of the stairs sometime in the middle of the night and headed for the en suite. A smirk playing at his lips as he remembered the tilted and scratched lamp in the hall from the night before. He didn't hold back the grin that had splayed over his face when he'd passed it gathering his bag. He'd fix it later. 

The black frames formed a stark outline over his baby blues and he slipped them off briefly to rinse his face. He brushed his teeth and headed back for bed, checking his phone for texts or missed calls. As he sat back against the headboard, the sheet up to his naked waist, he took in the room around him for the first time, it was simply decorated, grey walls with dark furniture; the bed frame, the dresser with the television on top and two night stands. Various pictures set about depicting pieces and moments of Y/N's life. Of course this wasn't the first time he'd been in here, but it was the first morning after and he saw things in a new light. He tilted the corner of his mouth upward as he looked at the bedside table where she'd slept, finding a set of photobooth pictures, five to the strip, taken the night of their first date. His reverie was interrupted when the woman on his mind walked into the bedroom, still wearing only his shirt, her hair messed about from sex and sleep, in her hand two cups of coffee and slid under her arm what looked to be the morning newspaper. 

"I remembered you'd said that you'd read the paper... Wow," she stopped mid-sentence. 

"Wow what?" He asked, cocking his head a bit to the side. 

"I've just never seen you in your glasses, yet," she smirked. 

"Okay... so is it a good wow or a 'get the fuck outta my bed' wow?" He waited on baited breath, already knowing the answer. 

"Oh it's good." She replied and sauntered over to him, setting their mugs and the paper down on the nightstand.  "Like...very good," she seductively added as she straddled his hips, holding herself over him on her knees. 

She was gorgeous, eyes that always smiled around him, her pouty lips swollen from his kisses, her hair tousled and wild, a reminder of their night. 

"You know what else is 'wow'," he asked softly, his lips so close to hers, as her brow quirked up, "you in my shirt, looking like you do now," he stretched his body upward, close to her lips. 

"Oh, yeah?" She whispered, as he could feel her breath on his skin, the faint smell of minty toothpaste there, where she must have brushed her teeth downstairs. 

"Oh yeah," he sealed their lips in a sultry kiss.

He used his brute strength to toss Y/N on her back, his naked hips between her legs, his hands on her back against the bed. His lips lazily kissed at her neck. She reached up and plucked the glasses from his face. 

"Let's see how blind you really are," she grinned. 

“Well, you know, when one of your senses is impaired they say the others become more enhanced to compensate. I happen to have a very good sense of touch and taste.”

"Prove it."

"Oh, are you challenging me, Miss Y/L/N?"

"Yes," she deadpanned. 

His lips started again at her neck whilst a hand pulled from around her back and deftly began unbuttoning the few buttons done up on his shirt, exposing her tummy and breasts, the material falling away. 

Her skin turned to goose flesh as his fingers gently splayed over her tummy and then down her hip to her thigh, his fingertips ghosting her skin, tickling her so. 

She squirmed at his touch before she gave a soft snort of a giggle as his fingers trailed down the outside of her thigh and he paused, pulling his head up from where he’d been peppering soft kisses against her neck and he looked at her.

“Am I amusing you?”

“You know I’m ticklish there!” She grinned and Diskant gave a huff of a laugh, his mouth dropping back to her neck.

“I do but that’s not quite what I’m going for...”

“Well maybe my senses are heightened too, Disco.” She teased, her eye lashes fluttering against her cheeks as his affection moved to her collar bone.

Her giggles soon turned to soft, gentle sighs as his lips and mouth trailed a path down her sternum, strong hands sliding up her sides and coming to rest on her rib cage, thumbs brushing the underneath of her breasts. Her fingers scratched at the short buzzed cut hair behind his ears before scratching down to the nape of his neck. At the soft bite of her nails against his skin he gave a low groan of satisfaction, before he shifted slightly, his mouth finding hers again as his hands cupped her breasts, thumbs skating over the nipples.

She preened at his touch, his calloused thumb rubbing over that hardened spot and she arched her back, pushing up into his hands, a silent question for more. He obliged, gently tweaking her nipples between his thumb and finger, swallowing the filthy noises of delight she was making. 

His attention to her flesh grew as he moved his affections to her other nipple in the same way, then slowly dragging his mouth, hot and open across her sternum and down her tummy, his tongue dipping into her naval. Two strong, yet gentle hands reached down to the back of her knees, parting her legs wider as he slid down the bed, his body sliding against hers as he moved downwards. 

His lips pressed against her skin, just before her small patch of curls began. A nip to the inside of her thigh and then the other. A flat, long tongue slid across her wet folds.

"Jesus, fuck," Y/N cried out.

“No, just me.”

"You smug li..." she couldn't finish her sentence as he dove in for all of her, causing her to quite literally cry out at sweet combination of a gasp and an 'oh'. 

With each lap and lick of his tongue against her, she tasted sweeter and sweeter. He loved the sounds she made, the way her body was so quick to respond to his every touch. Just like the night before, his pride and ego grew, his chest swelling with it all. And as his tongue dipped deep inside her, he felt her walls begin to flutter against him. 

Her hands found the back of his head, fingers running along his scalp again, reaching for that spot that would make him growl. He felt her scratch at him and as he hummed in delight against her, she came with a force, trying with all she could to get him deeper. 

He relished in the way she cried out, the way his name sounded across her lips as she exploded within. As she rode that high, he continued to lick and suck at her, the right amount of pressure against her clit to make her shake. His strokes were slow and delicate, lazy, but none the less still highly pleasurable. 

Her palm pressed against his forehead as she pushed him away, clearly having become too sensitive and he moved, placing a kiss to her tummy as he crawled back over her, taking a moment to look at her face as she lay boneless beneath him, her features soft with bliss. 

His lips brushed hers again and her hand curled round his neck, pulling her in for a deeper kiss and the fact he knew she’d be able to taste herself turned him on even more. He was rock hard, and as he pressed against her, she smirked against his mouth.

“Something got you worked up, Officer?”

“Somethings gonna work up you in a minute.” He quipped back and she gave a snort, shaking her head.

With a strong arm he propped himself up and twisted towards the nightstand, grasping for the foil packet he’d tossed on there earlier after retrieving his glasses.

“Nice to see you were so confident how this morning was gonna go.” Y/N looked at him as he sat back on his heels, tearing at the packet with his teeth.

“Don’t kid yourself, babe. We both know this was nailed on.”

"I'm inclined to agree, Stud," Y/N reached out towards him as she sat up, gently touching his tip, collecting the precum on her finger and dipping it into her mouth, before she took him in her hand again.

"Fucking hell, baby," his voice was a growl as her hand began to pump up and down his dick and she leaned forward slightly, grabbing the half open foil packet from him.

“Fucking heaven more like.” She grinned before she tore open the packet and rolled the condom down his shaft, drawing a groan from his throat before she lay back down, her legs bent at the knee.

“Come at me, Disco.” She teased and she didn’t need to ask twice. 

As much as he was tempted to fuck her into the mattress he kept his movements slow and deep, rocking as opposed to thrusting. One hand curled around her knee, hooking her leg round his waist, the other held onto her hip as he leaned down, slanting his mouth over hers once again. Her hands slid round his back, fingers tracing the muscles of his shoulders as they flexed with each rut he made, his skin tingling to the touch. 

She felt so good, so damn good wrapped around him. He desperately fought the urge to just let go, instead building up toward that crash they both chased.

He pushed upwards, grinding his hips against her and she groaned into his mouth, nails digging into his back as his name slipped from her lips in a breathy pant.

"I'm so close, Y/N. I just need to...lo...more."

He felt her flutter around him, his name now flowing freely in a staccato chant, and her back arched, a loud cry bubbled from her throat as she trembled around him, her hands grabbing at his back as she clung to him, riding out her bliss.

His body caged her in, his forearms pressed into the mattress at her shoulders, his lips kissing whatever skin he could on her neck and face as his hips rolled and rolled into her, feeling the way she held him deep inside her and as her body shook, his own insides started to coil, knocking at the door of his own bliss.

"Oh, baby," he moaned in a guttural tone, his orgasm hitting him hard. He nuzzled at her neck as his hips steadied out, giving her soft kisses along the column of her neck and across her jaw.

“Hypothetically, I love you.” He muttered against her skin and she laughed, nudging at his forehead with her nose, causing him to look at her and she smiled. 

“Hypothetically, I love you too.”

You sat there holding his hand, just talking to him, reminding him you were there for him and that you loved him. But little were you aware of the readout happening in the corner of the room, where brain activity had spiked, causing an array of markers on the printout for the doctors to read. 

 ****

Four days, four days of endless commotion in and out of his room, from hospital staff to a changing of the guard between you and his parents, to Jimmy, Sam, and Steve, all taking turns in the room, waiting in the ICU lobby. By the fifth day, your parents had come down, Dotty calling them to come quickly as they'd been away and you had barely eaten let alone left his side. There was nothing you could do but sit there as he was in a deep sleep, medically sedated, so he could heal. 

"Y/N, you need to let your father and I get you home for a bit. You're not doing yourself any good sitting here when you could be refreshed for when they do start waking him up."

You sighed at your mother; Maria, your father; Nick, in turn sighing at you. Dotty was upstairs with Paul and Big Jim was sitting around waiting to go up for a bit. You didn't want to leave.

"Angel," your father spoke softly, your nickname causing a rush of emotion to wash over you as you turned to face him. "The doctors said they won't be waking up for at least another day or two, not until they’re certain he’s strong enough. Please, let me take you home so you can get a proper shower and a good, hot meal."

Big Jim stood now near your father, his eyes staring back at you, "Please, Y/N, if not for yourself, for him. You'll want to be here when he wakes up and you can't be run down for that. Your dad's right, Paul's not coming to any time soon, and it'll be at least a day or two after they turn him around before the sedatives wear off." He looked at your parents and then back to you, "besides, if I don't look after his girl, he's gonna be pissed at me and none of us want that. So, please... Go."

You weighed it out. Damn it, you knew they were right but you wanted... no, needed to stay. What if something happened and you weren't there what if.... 

"Come on, Y/N," Big Jim placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, pulling you in for a hug. 

Tearfully you sighed, "Please don't leave him alone."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Big Jim gave you a soft wink as you looked up at him. You nodded as you pulled away, and your father walked you out to their car and took you home. 

The ride was silent, the air heavy, your father knowing you needed the peace. The ride home took forever but nowhere near as long as the ride Weiss gave you the other night. With shaky hands, you unlocked the front door to your single bedroom apartment and your father instructed you to shower while he looked for something to make you. 

You moved silently down the hall your fingers ghosting along the pictures against the wall. Ones from each of your personal lives and others of your life together. You stepped into your room and realized it was the way you'd left it. Haphazard piles of clothes on the floor and in the bins, the sheets still a mess from when you'd made love that night.

Numbly, you sat on the edge of the bed on Paul's side and you laid against his pillow, inhaling the deepest breath you've probably ever taken. His scent was all around you, inside you, infiltrating every sense and nerve in your body and you finally let go of the saddest, most heart-breaking scream you could manage.

You didn't even register your dad entering the room but you felt the weight of the bed shift as he sat at the edge, near your curled up legs. You sat up and fell into his embrace, allowing him to cradle you like the little girl you used to be, rocking you back and forth, stroking your hair as your head rested against his chest. Your sobs soaked his shirt while he tried to whisper soft comforts to you, no doubt his own chin wobbling as he felt his little girl's heart break, her pain.

Eventually your sobs evened out and your dad pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. “I haven’t comforted you like this since your first boyfriend broke your heart.” There was a pause as you sniffed and pulled back to look at your dad. “God, he was an asshole.”

You gave a watery splutter as you tucked your head back under your dad's chin, his hand rubbing your back. “Paul isn’t.” You whispered and your dad shook his head.

“No... no, he’s not. He’s a good kid, treats you right. I’d never have agreed to let him ask you to marry him otherwise.”

"I'm so scared, Daddy," you cried. 

“Hey, Y/N," your father pulled away from you, "if there’s one thing I do know about Paul, he’s probably the only person on the planet that can rival you and your mother for stubbornness. He's not going anywhere, honey, he’s a fighter.”

You nod and give off a big yawn, exhaustion closing in on you.

"Sleep, Angel," he said softly. "I'll be right on the couch. Then after some rest you're going to take a hot shower and I'm going to get you a hot meal. So help me, or your mother is coming to do it and I don't think we want that."

“I dunno.” You sniff. “Mom's mac and cheese sounds pretty dammed good right now.”

"But it doesn't beat my grilled cheese."

“Nothing beats your grilled cheese, Pops.”

****

A hot shower and a real meal, outside what the vending machine near the elevator could provide, was what you needed. However, you didn't stay away long. You were there, bright and early the next morning, on the sixth day, highly anxious to get back to Paul. When you arrived, your own car taking you there this time, you noticed a familiar face talking to Steve and Sam.

Your blood boiled and bile threatened to escape your throat as you took note of Detective Tom Ludlow of Vice Special talking candidly with your captain and Paul's. In quick, long strides, you closed in on the trip and caught Ludlow with a nasty right hook. "Officer down with no suspects to pursue and you fucking book it. Look at where we are. Have you seen him? He is fighting for his life, and that's on you!"

Steve quickly pulled you back after the punch to Ludlow's jaw, "Hey, calm down."

"I am fucking calm!" 

Rogers growled as he held you back, "take a breath or talk a walk, Y/N."

But you were too angry to pay him any attention. Instead you ignored him, your glare remaining fixated on Ludlow. “How about I shoot you, and leave you for dead; find out how much your family like it, huh?”

"Y/N," he began, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You're sorry? He trusted you! You were supposed to have his back!"

“Excuse me.” A stern voice cut over your rant and you blinked and turned away from the doctor who had just walked into the small family waiting area. “I appreciate that feelings and emotions are running high but if you keep this up, I'll have to call security. You’re not the only people with family here.”

"If he dies, you're next." You ran your hand down your face and turned to Steve, your voice painfully measured, “get rid of him, before I do.”

Sam escorted you to the elevator, and you went on up. And you didn't miss the hushed words of your captain to Ludlow as the elevator doors started to close. 

"I've never seen her like this, unnerving how broken she is. She's ace and one of my best," Steve sighed. "If he doesn't..."

"The kid has heart," you heard Ludlow reply before the doors closed completely. 

You huffed out a stressed breath, your right hand in a bit of a throb as you shook out the pain. But it was nothing compared to what your heart felt. Realistically, you knew the risks of both your job and Paul's, they were one in the same. And things like shootings and even albeit deaths occur with officers all the time, a sad consequence to wearing the badge. And, things could be even more scary if and when undercover, such as Paul had been. And while you didn't want to know details, you knew players, you knew this case, figuring out who exactly murdered Vice Special Washington had been in Paul's lap for a good week or two. But, right now you couldn't see through the red hot anger burning inside you at Ludlow for pulling Paul in so deep so fast. You couldn't see past the pain and anguish, the fear that was controlling you as he still lay motionless in bed.

****

Time seemed to creep by. There was no real sense of anything for you to set your watch by so to speak, day and night didn’t exist anymore, yet you knew exactly how long he’d been unconscious down to the last second. 

As he was in the ICU, visitors were strictly monitored and limited to close family only, but your friends were never far away and whilst they may not be allowed in to see him, there was a steady string of colleagues and people you knew arriving to show you their support. 

By the eighth day you had fallen into a routine. You and his parents took it in shifts to sit with him ensuring that the three of you all got time to head home for a shower, food and an attempted few hours of rest. You were loathe to leave his side, but whilst he was out of it there really was nothing you could do.

As you sat in the room by his bed, idly flicking through your text messages on your phone, stealing glances at him every so often just in case something had changed, there was a knock on the door to the room and you turned to see Dotty poking her head through the frame. 

“Hi, Sweetheart.” She gave you a tired smile as she stepped into the room and you sighed knowing that it was your time to leave.

“Hi,” you stood up, and stretched out your limbs. “He’s been the same so...”

You trailed off, what else was there to say? 

Leaning over you placed a gentle kiss to his temple and ran your hand over his short hair. “I’ll be back soon,” you promised, blinking back more tears as you straightened up.

You made to the door where Dotty gave you a hug before she stepped inside and you paused, watching as she dropped a kiss to his forehead.

"Hi, honey,” She sniffed, her hand stroking his hair. “Oh, my baby boy....you have to wake up. I already lost one son, I can't lose you too.”

**** “My baby boy…”

He knew that voice. His mom. His comfort blanket, the woman who’d patched up his various bumps and scrapes

“I can’t lose you too.”

But as his mom’s face swam in the fog of his brain, he saw another, not unlike his, but older….

James. James Junior.

He'd had a spectacular day at school, practice had gone well and now he was walking home with his best friends, listening to the razzing they were giving him about Ashley Calvin, the cheerleader sweet on him who couldn't stop making eyes at Paul during practice.

As the group of boys rounded the corner, a black and white was parked in front of his house. He hadn't thought much of it, his father having taken time sometimes on patrol to swoop in on his wife for a bit, but then it slightly registered that it was his dad's day off and this particular squad car wasn't familiar. 

A frown pressed his brow and Paul broke off from his friends, "hey, uh, I'll see you guys later."

The group waved him off and as Paul entered the front door, he knew something wasn't right as he heard his mother's heartbroken cries and his father's loud sobs coming from the kitchen. He practically dropped his backpack where he stood and pounded into the kitchen, seeing what he'd heard, his parents in grief.

"Mom... Dad..." he croaked, fearing the worst.

The officer in the room, Paul didn't recognize, but he welcomed him in and asked him to take a seat.

"What's going on?" Paul asked.

"It's Junior," his dad sniffed, a typically straight faced stoic man. "He's gone, son."

"No, I... I don't understand," Paul shook his head in disbelief. 

"I'm afraid so, we received a call earlier this morning of a young man unresponsive at a well-known address. When we arrived, that's when I was able to ID him," the officer explained. Then he sighed and turned his attention to the family themselves, "I’m sorry to ask, Jim but, you know the script. I need to know if any of you saw him at all recently, if there’s anything you know that can help us piece together what happened.”

Jim and Dotty both shook their heads.

“I’ve not seen him for months, we errr, I kicked him out a few months back..” Jim stammered, shaking his head. “I didn’t want that stuff in the house. I mean he’d been arrested, had no option-“ His guilty stammers continued and Paul swallowed as he looked down at the table.

“I saw him yesterday afternoon.” He all but whispered, blinking back the tears from his eyes.

Both of his parents looked at him as he stared at the table. He’d hidden it from them, their standing weekly meet ups. "I used to see him every Wednesday, we’d get a hotdog on the pier and catch up."

He heard his mom give a little cry as his dad groaned, his voice full of sorrow as he spoke.

"Why didn't you tell us, son?”

"Because I thought you’d be angry. Suppose it doesn’t really matter now.” Paul held back the emotions he had bubbling inside as he raised his head to look at his father who took a shaky breath as he wiped a hand over his face. 

"No," Dotty whispered. "It doesn't."

Big Jim stood and embraced his youngest and now only son. And as his arms wrapped around him, Paul allowed his emotions to escape, a loud cry and screwed up eyes giving way. 

Paul knew Junior had his fair share of problems. He'd idolized his brother all his life, their five year difference never an issue. But just as Paul was about to enter high school, and Junior was getting ready to leave, he'd fallen into the wrong crowd, continuously causing tension between himself and his parents. Paul could only watch from the side-lines as his parents tried and tried to right Junior's wrongs. After an arrest, and no bail out from his father, Junior was in something far deeper than hot water. But when Big Jim found the drugs in Junior's room, it was the last straw.

The notifying officer's voice broke through his thoughts and Paul focused on the conversation.

"Unfortunately, you're going to have to come down and make a positive ID."

Big Jim nodded, "I'll do it."

"No, Jim," Dotty reached for his hand. "I want to see him."

"So do I." Paul added.

"Paul, I don't think..." Jim started to object but his wife of twenty five years interjected.

"Let him," she said. "We'll all go."

The drive to the coroner was silent, the longest drive of Paul's life. The morgue wasn't far per say but the drive took forever. At least it felt like it did. Big Jim checked them in and they waited nearly ten minutes before the coroner collected them and took them to a cold, sterile room.

They gathered around a sheet covered body and waited. The coroner pulled the sheet back to reveal a face and Dotty quickly turned her head into Big Jim's chest. With a wobbling lip, a sob being held back, Big Jim looked at the coroner and nodded, confirming it was Junior.

Paul stood there, staring at his older brother's lifeless form. The first dead body he'd ever seen and it was his own brother's. He swallowed back the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He thought of all the fun he'd had with him, the times he'd come to him about crushes on girls and he thought about their standing Wednesdays at the pier.

As his parents finished paperwork with the coroner, he waited in the lobby and thought some more. At nearly sixteen, Paul Diskant had, in that moment of devastation and despair, decided his future. He would follow in his father's footsteps and carry the badge. He would work hard to prevent families like his own in experiencing this very tragedy. If he could help just one family, then it would all be worth it.

****

The floor of the ICU was quickly bustling, stirring you uncomfortably from your seat next to Big Jim, who'd dozed off for the last twenty minutes or so. The flurry of activity had you keening your head around the corner for a moment and you realized the flurry was coming to and from Paul's room.

"Oh my God," your heart jumped to your throat and your words startled Jim awake. The two of you quickly ran to Paul's room just as Dotty was being ushered out.

"Dot?" Big Jim said worried.

"I... I don't know, I was just there, talking to him, holding his hand and the nurse called for the doctor.”

"Is something wrong?" You asked a nurse coming out of the room, the doctor behind her.

"Not at all, in fact," the doctor began, "his heart rate has increased and his EEG is showing signs of a significant increase of brainwave activity."

Your hand flew to your mouth in shock and hope, your heart racing. "What..."

"That means that you keep talking to him, you keep telling him you're there. His brain is functioning, he's showing signs of emotions and clearly responding to stimuli."

You let out a small noise that was halfway between a sob and a gasp as behind you Dotty began to sob, and you felt Jim’s hand on your shoulder.

"We'll start gradually weaning off the sedation tonight, after we run some more tests and watch his results. But this is all very, very good news." The doctor smiled.

It was the best news you could have ever heard. There was hope, he was going to make it.

When the dust had settled and the nurses and staff cleared the room, you went back in, giving Dotty a break to sit with Big Jim in the ICU lobby. You pulled up your trusty chair and took a seat, facing Paul. You sat forward and took his hand in yours, your other hand cradling a book in your lap. Your lips pressed into the top of his hand and you smiled. 

"Come back to me," you willed. "Nap time is over, it's time to wake up."

****

It had been one of the best weeks of his life. He and Y/N tested their new relationship with a week of playing house and man did they play house! From their first night to their last, they were wrapped up in one another's arms, having at least one meal together or morning coffee before shifts. Despite the newness of it all, he was deep in love. And therefore ruined. But tonight that all would end, he'd have to go back to his parents and she'd be in her bed, alone, until... He could even think about it. Y/N was due home any minute, having picked up her parents at the airport when her shift ended. He was busy making sure he wasn't burning dinner, the chicken cordon bleu baking away in the oven whilst, mashed potatoes and sautéed green beans were hitting the stove top.  In the last week he had fast established that whilst Y/N might be good at a lot of things, cooking was not one of them. She was a disaster in the kitchen unless she was baking, and as such, given it was something he was good at, he’d taken over the meal making. The tell-tale sound of a car pulling into the long drive alerted his ears and he smirked to himself. He tossed the tea towel he had been holding onto the side counter and made his way out of the door, heading to the car where Y/N and her parents, Nick and Maria were climbing out. "Hey, guys, welcome home," he smiled, hugging Maria, shaking Nick's hand and grabbing a couple of the bags to help. He pressed a sweet kiss to Y/N cheek. “Good day?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, couple of minor call outs but nothing heavy for once.”

He smiled before he turned to her parents. “How was New York?” He'd caught Y/N's eye as he listened to Maria talk about their trip. She cocked her head towards her shoulder and mouthed 'kiss ass' at him. He tried his best to stop the grin spreading across his face at the fact she had hit the nail on the head. He was turning on the charm, big time. It was important to him her parents liked him as much as his liked her. "Where do you want these?" He'd gestured to the bags in his hands.

"Just leave them at the foot of the stairs," Nick replied. "I'll take them up later."

"Sure, no problem." “Something smells good!” Maria gave an appreciative sniff as the four of them made their way into the kitchen. Nick snorted. “Makes a change from when Y/N cooks.” "Hey!" She snorted playfully.

"She's not wrong, Y/N/N," Nick laughed. "I could use a beer. Paul?"

"Sure, yeah, thank you. Let me just peek in on dinner." “How nice to have a man that can cook.” Maria sighed dramatically and Nick groaned.

“Cheers Paul, way to show me up.” "I'm going to go up and change, I'll be right back." Maria smiled at the people around her.

"I'll grab a few beers from the garage," Nick offered. "Y/N, beer or wine?"

"Uh...surprise me."

"You are your mother's daughter." When both of her parents were out of hearing range, Y/N turned to Paul with wide eyes. "Did you manage to fix the lamp bulb and hide the scratch?" “Lightbulb, yes. Scratch no. I didn’t want to make it worse.”

“And the rail for the shower curtain?”

“Back up.”

“Photo frame in the lounge?”

“Couldn't find the exact one. Had to buy another, but don’t worry I’ll take the flack. It was technically me that kicked it over after all.” "The ice cream stain on the couch?"

“I did as much as I could.” He scratched his neck. “And rearranged the scatter cushions.” "You're a life saver, I can't imagine what they'd think if they knew we fuc..." She couldn't finish her sentence as Maria had come back into the kitchen.

"Y/N, what happened to the lamp on the landing?" “Oh I errr, knocked it with the laundry basket. We changed the bulb but I couldn’t do anything about the scratch. I’m sorry, I’ll replace it.” “Yeah and erm before you spot the frame in the living room, that was my fault.” Paul spoke up. “I knocked it accidentally when I was running the vacuum round before. I replaced the frame and kept the old one just in case you wanted to see if it was repairable.” Maria shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t valuable. The photo is the most important thing.”

“Yeah it’s a good shot.” Paul grinned before he turned to Y/N. “You sure suited those little dungarees and pigtails, babe.” “Fuck off.” She shot back and Paul laughed as Nick walked back into the kitchen.

“Language, young lady.” He admonished, placing two beers down on the island counter along with two sparkling wines. "What broke?"

"Apparently, a frame in the living room, no big deal, we appreciate the effort to keep the place clean." Maria smiled.

"Ah, good, good.” Nick nodded, handing Paul his beer which he took with a thanks. “Did you notice the dent in the dryer, Y/N?"

The second he asked, both Paul and Y/N spit their drinks forward, making a mess of themselves and the island.  "Was it something I said?" Nick asked as he eyed his daughter and her boyfriend. “No, just...” Y/N shook her head, “I just, well, you know you go away and come back and there’s stuff broken, I honestly don’t know what happened to the dryer.” She finished lamely. “Oh I wouldn’t worry about it.” Maria shook her head. “You probably dropped something on it a little too forcefully.” Paul stifled a groan and as if it were a blessing, the oven timer dinged. "Right, so if you guys want to head into the dining room, I'll dish this up in a second." "I'll help," Y/N offered.

Nick and Maria headed out with their drinks in hand and took up their seats in the dining room. Paul careened his neck around the corner of the wall and looked back at Y/N. "You’re gonna get me murdered, baby." "I'm sorry, they put me on the spot," she whispered. "How'd you forget the dryer?!" “What the fuck do you expect me to do with a dent?” He scoffed. “Buy a new dryer?” "No, of course..."

"And in my defense, it was YOU who accosted me in the garage this morning, so that one, that's on you, sweetheart." “Whatever, Disco, just dish up the food.” Dinner carried on with simple chatter, Y/N's parents chattering away about their trip in detail.  Mid way through, Maria made a simple remark, "You two sure did a lot of cleaning while we were gone." “Well, I wanted to keep the place tidy.” Y/N shrugged. “No more than I usually do when you’re away.”

“Like my mom always says, tidy house, tidy mind.” Paul grinned and Y/N turned to look at him.

“Shut up.” She mouthed and he smirked as he reached for his beer, Nick mimicking him.

“Well...” the corner of Nick’s mouth curled upwards slightly as he took a pull before setting the bottle down, his eyebrow arched as he glanced at Y/N then to Paul, “if this is the type of thing we get to eat when we come home, maybe we should go away and let you come over and ‘clean up’ more often?"

They'd been outed. Their cover simply not good enough. Some cops they were. 

Paul's sip of his drink was caught between that ridiculous little flap in his throat that tells your brain to swallow verses breath and instead of swallowing, he inhaled and began choking, a fit of coughs exiting him.

***** Your head shot up from the book you had been reading as loud beeps starting ringing our around the room. To your utter horror, you saw Paul convulsing on the bed and you slapped your hand on the red call button before running out into the corridors and yelling for help. Almost immediately a nurse came sprinting round the corner and hurried into your room, as you hovered by the back, your arms wrapping around your chest as Dotty and Jim appeared in the doorway. “What’s going on?” Jim spoke as you struggled for words as a doctor pushed past you into the room. There was a second silence as the doctor moved over to the bed and the nurse stepped back, and strode towards you. But she was smiling. “its fine, he’s started to breath for himself that’s all.” She explained, “so the tube in his throat is irritating him. Don’t worry, it’s a natural reaction and to be expected as he comes round from the sedation.” “You mean he’s waking up?” You stuttered as Dotty reached up to grab your hand. “Looks that way.” The nurse smiled. “And it’s not even been a full twenty four hours since we started to withdraw the sedation.” You let out a sob as the nurse gently ushered you out of the room so they could sort Paul out and after a few more minutes of agonising waiting the doctor came out and headed towards you. “He’s responding very well. I’m extremely pleased with his progress. He’s breathing for himself, his vitals are strong so I’m happy to completely withdraw the sedation provided we carefully monitor him.” "How long before he actually wakes?" Dotty asked. “That I can’t say.” The doctor smiled. “That’s up to him and how quickly his body and system reboots so to speak. It could be hours, a day or so but I wouldn’t expect more than another twenty for hours given his current state.” It was news you'd waited to hear for a week. And suddenly, you found yourself anxious, thinking of the road ahead. But he was alive and for that you were thankful.

"Thank you," Big Jim smiled and shook the doctor's hand.

Dotty turned to you with a smile, "Jim and I are going to head home and take care of some things. Do you want me to bring you something to eat?" The last thing you were thinking of was your stomach, but knowing Dotty as you did, you fully understood this was her way of helping so to speak, making sure you were looked after. Because she also knew you well enough to know that now there was a chance he could come round in a matter of hours, there was no way you were going to leave the ward.

“Sure that sounds great.” You smiled. "We'll see you soon. You call if anything happens, we'll rush right back." Big Jim winked at you.

"Okay. I'm going to call my parents. Let Barnes know." After hugging his parents goodbye, you stepped off the ward and made your calls, your chest feeling lighter than it had in days. Once you’d explained and listened to everyone else sighing, or in your mom’s case crying, with relief you made your way back into his room and allowed yourself a little smile as now you could see his face fully, no longer obscured by the breathing apparatus. You leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, your hand running over his hair.

“See you soon, baby.” You whispered, a tear sliding down your cheek. “Real soon.”

*****

His mouth felt dry, his body weak, he felt sore and tired. He could hear the sound of her voice, but his ears couldn't process the clarity of it all. His heavy eyelids slowly became slits and he blinked, opening them up a little more with each blink. Then, his eyes, blue and clear as ever saw her.

She looked tired and weary, her eyes puffy and the tip of her nose swollen and iritated from crying. But despite all that, she was still absolutely the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. His weak fingers flinched in her hand and her eyes shot to his and he squeezed again.

The relief at seeing those beautiful blue eyes once more looking at you crashed over you like a wave. You opened your mouth to speak, but your voice choked in your throat and instead you simply squeezed your fingers around his as a fresh stream of tears spilled from your eyes. 

You quickly pressed the call button on Paul's bed, to alert the nurse something had changed. And while you waited, you pressed your lips to his hand and the tears poured over his fingers as his heavy, weak hand cupped your cheek.

“Welcome back, Stud.” You managed to whisper, eventually finding your voice. “You had me worried for a while.”

He tried to move his lips, wanting to say so much to her but he couldn't for his dry mouth and throat stung and he started to look nervous, agitated. 

"It's okay, you're okay." You spoke quickly, but assuringly. "You... You had to be intubated, so just relax. I'm right here. Sit still, just take it easy," you coax, all the while thinking where the hell was the nurse.

Almost as if by magic the door to his room opened and your head turned to see her breeze in.

“He’s awake.” You smiled as you said the words for the first time, hearing them out loud made it all the more real. “He’s awake.”

"Well, hello Mr. Diskant. Let's get you better settled." She turned to you and asked you to wait outside just so she could work to settle him more comfortably. As you nodded to go, he squeezed your hand tightly, his eyes piercing yours.

“I’m gonna be right outside, baby. I promise.”

You left the room and glanced back through the window to see Paul’s eyes following you and you gave him another encouraging smile as you waited in sight so he could see you, pulling out your phone to fire a quick, generic, simple text off to everyone you could think of telling them he was awake. As the various replies flooded back in, you read a few, smiling, before the nurse exited and you stuffed your phone back in your pocket and turned to her.

"Now that he's awake, we'll be moving him up to critical care. It's best he still tries to remain still and rest as best he can. You can expect some continued drowsiness and disorienting behavior." She gently took your hand in hers, "speaking is going to be hard at first, because he’s going to have tight and sore muscles and tendons in the neck. PT and Speech Therapy will probably come in once he's upstairs for an evaluation. But, personally speaking, I think he's a damn fighter and he's going to be just fine. I’ll go notify the doctors so they can come and speak to both him and you.”

"Thank you," you nodded. Your body suddenly felt so tired, your mind exhausted. A ding from the elevators brought his parents and yours forward, not giving a care that they were four over the one visitor rule in ICU.

“I didn’t see you.” The nurse tapped her nose before she bustled off up the corridor. 

Paul’s parents turned to you and you gave them an exhausted but happy smile. “She said he should be fine. He’s really groggy and drowsy but he’s back with us.”

"Oh my boy," Dotty clutched her hand to her chest. Big Jim and your parents nodding in understanding as you all stepped inside.

For the next thirty minutes, the five of you sat in his room, just assuring him you were there for him, encouraging him to just rest. He'd nodded off a time or two, the grip of his hand in yours never ceasing. Then, as he was coming to, his attending doctor strolled in to check on his patient.

“Erm...” he looked around, no doubt to point out the blatant disregard for the rule of one but one look from both your dad and Jim stopped him in his tracks and he merely shook his head. “If anyone asks I never saw you.”

A smirk slipped passed your lips and you nodded. You gave Paul's hand a squeeze and stepped aside so the doctor could have a look at him.

The assessment took no more than ten or fifteen minutes, as he'd checked over vitals, sutures, bandages and behaviors and made sure Paul understood him through what they’d done in the operating theatre, Paul’s eyes growing wide as he realised the gravity of his condition. The doctor then reiterated what the nurse had said about PT and Speech Therapy as well as Vocational Therapy will be by to see him if not tonight once he was moved but in the morning for sure. He bid everyone goodbye and left you all with him again.

With the doctor gone and just you and the family around him, Paul's head rolled back on the pillow and his eyes screwed shut as he blinked back tears.

“Hey,” You gave his hand a squeeze with one of your own the other reaching up to gently touch his face, your thumb wiping away a tear. The bristle of his sudden beard, or the start of one tickling your palm. “You’re gonna be fine.” It was lame, but at that moment it was the only thing you could think of to say. There were no words to express what you were feeling, the sheer relief and hope that now consumed you felt almost alien in comparison to the sheer dark despair you’d felt over the last seven days and fourteen hours.

There was a long way to go, and you knew from everything the doctors had told you that it wouldn’t be easy but now he was awake you knew he’d make it.

Because Paul Diskant was a fighter, the most stubborn asshole you knew. The man you loved with everything you had.

With a smile, you wiped your own face and leaned over, placing the gentlest of kisses to his lips and when you moved back you saw his eyes were now bright, creased in the corner as his mouth raised in a soft smile.

**** Part 4

[ohheyitsokay]

home

part 10 of the ‘hey batter batter’ series

pairing: Francisco (Frankie, Catfish) Morales x reader

wordcount: 3k

warnings: so so soo much fluff. clouds and clouds worth. kissing, implications of sex (blink and you’ll miss it)

summary: it’s a Triple Frontier Baseball AU! Trust me, you don’t need to know anything about baseball.

In this chapter, you and Frankie finish the season and the summer, and know it’s only the beginning.

notes: thank you all so much for supporting this little story of mine! I genuinely am blown away by how kind everyone has been! originally I planned on this series just being a couple of one-shots set in the same universe, but it got away form me, and I can’t believe so many of you came along for the ride. some of those stories will come in time, but thank you thank you thank you to everyone who stuck around this long! all the love for all of you!

>>

It was a beautiful day for a baseball game.

The sun was shining and for once your bones weren’t shaking with the rumble of the stadium as people stomped and cheered. In fact, the majority of the noise was from Frankie’s momma as she chattered across your lap to your grandfather. The two of them were discussing gardening and how well season was played, how proud they were, the best of friends. It was peaceful, almost, and most of the flashing lights and roaring crowds were away – it was the final game, a charity fundraiser, all fun.

You could see your catcher as he turned, looking at your section like he couldn’t help but search for you, and you smiled, heart as full and as warm as the sun on your shoulders. His curls were sticking out from under his helmet haphazardly, the pads on his shoulders and thighs making him even more solid, and it was a sight that you’d never get tired of. Combined with the smells of warm pastries, jalapeños and melted cheese, contentment settled into your soul like a hand in a glove, a perfect fit.

It was the of the ninth and they were playing well, encouraged by the cause and playing for the love of of the game instead of a paycheck. Behind you, you heard someone mention just how well Frankie had batted this season, and you brushed pan dulce sugar from your lap.

The players had told you last week after all the big games were done why Santi had offered to pay for you and James to fly to see their final games. At the time, it had baffled you how intensely they insisted, how eagerly the pushed it, and how your boyfriend had looked equal parts embarrassed and hopeful, but eventually you agreed, assuming you could get the time off from work. When the secret came out you laughed, shaking your head and rolling your eyes.

They had exchanged smiles and shrugged and shared knowing glances as they let you explain away what they knew was true. You were their luck.

The thought was long gone from your mind now though, as Ben was doing weird poses on the field, and you heard chuckles ripple through the crowds. Fans of him and the team alike were endlessly charmed, and you knew you’d catch comments about it for months to come. His brother was just standing, and still you heard dreamy sighs of Will’s name, and made a mental note to tease him after the game about his “blonde halo”. Whatever that meant.

Santi threw a perfect curveball, and when it landed firmly in Frankie’s glove, you heard a girl swoon, “That’s my man!” and the laughter of her friends, as they called her “Mrs. Morales”.

“No!” his momma was glaring over her shoulder tugging on your elbow, as if physically fighting them was a viable option. You tugged back, making soothing noises as she protested, “Mi frijol.” The sweet lady muttered something else and before your heart could latch on to what you could’ve sworn was something about the future and tu marido you moved on.

“I know, I know,” you were saying, when James leaned over, glint in his sweet, aging eyes.

“She’s right, honey,” he said, only encouraging his friend, and you grinned.

“He’s my boy,” she said again with an air of finality, “and yours."

Looking at your grandfather sheepishly, you pointed at your shirt and shrugged as he said, “Right again.”

You were wearing his backup Jersey.

Cheesy as it was, it felt good to have the little claim of his over your skin, and while it wasn’t obvious to everyone, you wore it with pride. Comments from his fans slid off it like raindrops on a tin roof, and while you apricated her inclusion, you didn’t need it to know he was yours, as you were his.

Jimbo leaned towards the woman at your side and whispered conspiratorially in her ear, and she settled, and you left it, enjoying their friendship. The day was too lovely for anything else, anyway.

Catch, catch, walk, look for his girlfriend, sit, swing, hit, run, walk, sit. Repeat.

Nothing so eventful happened the last few minutes of the game, and as the Will went out for his final bat, you felt a surprising wave of bittersweet nostalgia for all that had passed since the opening game, cold as an evening breeze.

Then the ball cracked against the bat, and the sound snapped you back, and you felt a fire under your breastbone, reminding you the best was yet to come.

Frankie’s mom finished her final cheers enthusiastically, all annoyance long gone, and she pulled you into a hug.

“Nieta is calling. Hug Francisco for me, hija, and I’ll see you tomorrow?” You nodded, squeezing her back almost as hard. You and Frankie were using his first real day off to babysit and get some quality time, and both of you were well aware this was hardly goodbye. You gave a gentler hug to your grandfather, who was going with her, whispering “Bye Jimbo,” as you kissed his cheek. He had conspired to let you stay out for the evening, and while you’d miss driving him home, you were grateful for the opportunity.

Seeing them safely as far as you could, your feet danced with excitement. Like it had been more than handful of times, they knew the path to the locker rooms, carrying you so light you were almost floating. When you slid into the waiting room, Frankie was already clean and looking for you anxiously. Maybe you should’ve given him a little wave from across the room, but you could do better.

You ducked away from his line of sight, and snuck around behind him before say, “hey, batter, batter.” He whipped around and before you could even register the grin on his face, he was pulling you against his chest.

“Hey yourself,” he said, and the two of you got one sweet, slightly needy kiss before you heard good-natured groans.

“It’s been like month,” Santi said, ruffling your hair as you stepped back, “Aren’t you guys done flirting?” You stuck your tongue out at him, wondering if you were fast enough to flick him in the forehead.

“Don’t bother,” Will said, his tone resigned but playful as he hugged you too. “Be happy he got her to stick around.” You pulled a face, and Benny laughed. They all knew by now that it was more than a summer fling, even Tom, who you realized hadn’t come out yet.

When you asked, they winced, and you dropped the topic, knowing they would tell you in their own time. Frankie pulled you back to him, his warm fingers lacing with yours as you herded them towards the door.

They were still working on things, still trying to figure out what their next steps looked like.

For now, you owed your baseball boys a dinner.

-           

 It had taken you a couple of times cooking for them to get the portions right. The Miller boys ate like they were hollow, and after a game was a testament to that.

Thankfully, you had more than enough this time, having been preparing their favorites for days with the enthusiastic help from Frankie’s mom, and begrudging help from his sister as a thank you to her hermano. The piled into your little space and ate gratefully, telling you about the game like you knew what they were talking about.

“Benny, why were you –” his deep laughter cut you off, and your hand shot out to grab Will’s wrist mid-throw. You had a rule against projectile food to keep them from squabbling like children at your makeshift dinner table. The dinner roll fell to his plate as Benny tried to explain, and Santi deadpanned.

“I was stretching, and I got distracted –”

“You were flirting with the entire stadium, Ben.”

“No! Well –”

It was warm and bright, eating dinner with them like a family, teasing and laughter filling the space like clear broth in the cool of night.

Frankie’s hand found your knee under the table.

The best part about these replacement-parties was watching them all try to help clean up. You were lucky professional athletes had fast reflexes, or you would’ve lost more than a few dishes to their shenanigans. They insisted, wouldn’t let you help, and things probably would’ve been put back correctly if you had, but it was great, letting things play out however they may. Maybe years and years down the road, you would tell a younger generation that you had some of the world’s most desirable athletes fighting in your kitchen over where you kept your dish soap refills.

And after, they would collapse in your living room, unearthing all the games from your shelves. One of your favorite moments from the summer was coming through thrift stores for games, ignoring the stare of jealousy and making ridiculous bets.

All the while, Frankie kept as close to you as he could, too busy watching you with wrinkles in the corners of his eyes to be embarrassed of his rambunctious friends.

When you and Will won the first game of the evening, he accidentally hit you in the face with the back of his hand as he flung his arms open in triumph.

It hadn’t hurt as badly as it would’ve if his brother had been the one talking with his hands, but Frankie had still thumped him in the back of the head before he followed you to the kitchen.

“Baby, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Frankie,” you laughed, but he was already taking the pack of frozen peas from your hand to press it against the lump forming on your temple. He was gentle, and the air shifted, like there was more on his mind than your minor injury. Brown eyes searching yours, you wished you knew what he was thinking.

“Francisco?” Your hands had settled on his chest but the moved around his neck when he moved the ice to ghost his lips over the spot. He didn’t answer for a moment, just setting the peas aside, and carefully trapping you against the counter.

There were noises of good-natured arguing coming from the living room, and you knew he was taking advantage of their distraction, carving a little pocket for the two of you in time.

“Te adoro,” his lips were almost hot as they pressed into yours. “I love you,” he said, so close you could feel the hairs on his upper lip still.

For the past month, your relationship had been fast, jumpstarting to serious and staying that was, but this was new. It was one thing, for him to tell you he wanted something real with you, wanted you to be a part of his life, and another to hear him say he loved you simply, without abandon. Still, you didn’t hesitate.

“I love you too.”

He kissed you again, unhurried, and you almost couldn’t return it, you were smiling so widely. Your bump was long forgotten.

When the two of you came out the kitchen, the others had barely noticed you were gone and Ben immediately was accusing you of cheating, but Santi shot you a knowing smile.

-           

There was a gap of time when a season ended, when Molly’s inbox was mercifully void of emails. It was a time when the chaos of her job slowed, for a bit before she began her work for the off-season, and she relished it with every fiber of her being.

This particular gap began wrapped up in sheets with Tom, her Tom, kissing and wishing the world outside was a simple as this, in the little bubble of her room.

She could always tell though, when his mind was no longer filled with her, and the other sides of him began to leak through the cracks. His eyes moved with urgency instead of appreciation his hands moved a little slower and then in sudden jerks, and when he trailed off mid-sentence, she sighed.

“You told them, didn’t you?”

He rolled onto his back; his gaze pointed towards the ceiling.

“Right after the game,” he confessed, and she sighed again, sitting up. If nothing else, for him, she had endless patience.

“How’d that go?”

Her love was silent, thinking only of the embarrassment and defensiveness that had reared in his chest. The tilt of Santi’s head, Frankie’s slow nod. He wished Benny had been disappointed, wished Will had thought it was a joke.

“They understood,” Tom didn’t add that he hoped with all his considerable might that they had reacted stronger, hoped they had told him not to, said they needed him to stay, but they hadn’t. It wouldn’t have been true, anyway. They were growing, going somewhere he couldn’t follow.

Her hand ran over his chest as it filled with air, stilling over his heart.

“It’s time,” one of them said, and the other nodded.

Counseling. Rehab. Retirement.

Slowing down to coach at a local college.

He clenched his hand into a fist, and then relaxed, palm falling open, upwards.

The love of his life kissed his forehead.

It was time.

-           

The first stop of the day was with James, spending the morning helping him around the house. Before this summer, you had thought you were his favorite grandchild, but he had essentially adopted Frankie months ago, and already liked him more than you.

The little old man talked excitedly about baseball and lectured your love on enjoying his off-season. He dragged him into the yard, talking his ear off about the benefits of different teas and the importance of volunteering with youth programs, and you settled inside, throwing away expired things from his fridge. Their absence was your only opportunity for the chore.

Honestly, the two of you needed to leave sooner than later and you weren’t sure how much time you had.

“Honey?” You dropped a can of whipped cream from a month ago guiltily.

“Yeah, Jimbo?”

He eyed you suspiciously but seemed too excited to be deterred by you.

“I put this together for you!” He said proudly, and you noticed a flash of the same mischief from yesterday in his eyes. Your grandfather handed you a box, and made you promise not to open in until you left. You hugged the sweet man, and smiled when Frankie did, too, before saying your goodbyes, thankful beyond words for him.

If it weren’t for him, you were sure you wouldn’t be climbing into the truck of your boyfriend, and certainly not having the catcher’s hand slide into yours. When you opened the box, the gratitude didn’t shrink, but your embarrassment rose.

Frankie laughed so hard you thought he was going to have to pull over.

It was full of Francisco Morales merchandise, signatures and memorabilia ranging from his very first baseball card to his most recent bobble head.

-           

Frankie kissed your knuckles for the second time since you climbed into his truck, which was silly since it had only been three minutes since you left his mother’s house.

He could feel your look, answering before you even asked.

“I’m good, just… I love you,” he said, unable to keep his eyes on the road when he said it.

“I love you too, Frankie,” you said, wondering what prompted him.

“Could we… would you want to get dinner?” He looked thoughtful and you laughed.

“Are you asking me on a date?”

Your hand was lifted to his lips again, sending electricity up your spine as he confirmed.

The two of you had a bag full of Anita’s best by the time you entered his home, and he still hadn’t told you what was on his mind. The two of you ate, sharing stories about the day’s adventures, helping his mother around the house and watching, Bianca, his sweet, tiny new niece. You had a great conversation with his mother, and despite her excitable nature, she surprised you by asking you about your boundaries and promising not to overstep.

Frankie told you about his hermana, and her slowly opening up to the idea of letting him help her out, not as charity but family, and letting him shoulder some of the responsibilities. You watched the warmth in his eyes as he talked and wondered how it was possible for a single person to feel so safe.

Eventually the talking slowed, and you found yourself half falling asleep against the stretch of his chest, is hands slowing their wandering paths.

“Love?” he murmured into your hair. You hummed in response.

When he didn’t say anything, your mind woke, and you pulled yourself up, and into his lap, straddling him.

He looked up at you for a moment before you felt him sigh against you.

“I have this baby,” he said, and you couldn’t help but smile at his phrasing. Santi always said it was melodramatic. “Do you… is this all too much?”

His expression mirrored that of your first date, and you told him the same thing as you had then.

That you would stay, as long as he would have you. That you would navigate alongside him, that you were happy to. This time, you added that you loved him, and you felt him shift under you, anxiety leaking out of him, allowing solid adoration to replace it.

Frankie said, “Thank you,” against your mouth, and like a prayer. In the dim evening light, you kissed him, and as his hands slipped under your shirt to hold your sides, he held you for the first time like you were real.

And you were, this was something that wasn’t going away.

For the first time in a long time, it was a perfect day for something new, and his heart was here, beating under his hands.

 <<

translations:

pan dulce: pastries

mi frijol: my bean

tu marido: your husband

nieta: granddaughter 

hija: daughter

hermano/a: brother, sister

te adoro: I adore you

<<

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179 @mrsbentallmadge @pbeatriz

hey batter batter taglist:

@icanbeyourjedi @studyofawearymind @hnt-escape @athalien @the-witty-pen-name @daffodin @sarahjkl82-blog @pintsizemama @anaaaispunk @pjkimrn @dobbyjen @stuckontheceiling

[watcherfenix]

A Vent long time coming

It feels like it has been ages since I wrote anything.  There is so much I wanna write and comment on, simply hard to pin just one idea down. So, in sticking with the theme of vulnerable journey treading and wanting my experiences to help someone out there. I am going to decompress the last years and possibly go into more at a later date. I have been in limited contact with people for close to 3 years. This is due to moving to a new country compounded with COVID, which killed many attempts at being social. Coupled with that polite racism of Canada and recovering from a very traumatic breakup, have been in a low place. Also, in transition for a work visa which has been slowed due to COVID. Depression and PSTD make leaving the place is a chore and a constant mental battle. I was able to do a year of college in a small-town university. Learned a lot and nothing all at once. Learned about myself. Learned about my own Blackness (and still learning). Of course, this caused me to look at my life experience through a new lens as if pages have been restored in a tattered book. Seeing how my old, colonized self parroted some toxic garbage and did some” ignorant passable shit “that I wished I had never said or did. Angry at my parents for trying so hard to “protecting “me from my own Blackness. Leaving me under-prepared for the world I was going to be a part of. Instead, my father tells me as an adult, I am ungrateful and “raised by wolves,” and I told him I hated him. Pissed that he presented his side of the family as dangerous, volatile and “ghetto” and that being gay and black was asking for a short life in the family. Causing me to be averse to wanting to meet them.   But with time, I will be able to accept “all of me.” By learning another country’s history, I realized I was on the wrong side of history. Referring to my time in the military and playing a role in destabilizing the Middle East (something the US military has quite a long track record of doing). This affects me in a couple of different ways. First, being a part of pain and suffering on such a grand scale goes against who I believe. Secondly, knowing that it is a family legacy (father being a weapons contractor after being retired Air Force and had a few generals in the family too). Lastly, I lost friends and a lover to the machine known as the military-industrial complex. And knowing that the government is getting worse makes their deaths sting a bit more than I care to admit. Thinking about my time in the military fills me with bittersweet memories now tinged with some guilt and shame. While I had stewed in these thoughts for long periods of time. Slowly getting comfortable with these truths. Only to be slammed with the ugliness that is America’s racism. Seeing white friends during BLM and all that led up to it go silent or worse, shit on the idea of BLM. Gay community leeches off black culture while making claims of being inclusive makes me want to rage cry. Seeing so much Racism and colorism in communities I used to call these spaces, my home is now quite repulsive . I was hoping for too much, wanting my communities to be supportive. Genuinely supportive, helping people because it is right, not causes it's trending.  Wish POC communities would stop internalizing and perpetuating hate and start lifting each other up. Instead of determining “blackness” and gender roles. It has been absolutely heartbreaking to see so many people passing in such a short time frame. I am reminded of my older friends sharing their tales of the AIDs crisis and survivals guilt. I feel weird knowing these people for a while online, just too sudden.. they are gone. I develop a connection with these people but feel I cannot claim it because other people that knew them spent time with them in real life. Deep down, there is a feeling that my connection is less than because I am unable to meet these people. I do not fully subscribe to this idea, but every time another FB friend or friend dies, it comes to my mind. And I honestly do not know what to do with it. Though the thought of friends that have pass makes me feel things. I cannot help but mourn the relationships lost because of my selfishness, drugs, or toxic relationships before people I called my family. The concept of family seems and feels so foreign to me now, yet I still hunger for one.  My parents and sister's relationship was polarizing and taking a toll on my mental wellness.  But cutting ties with them does not make me feel better. Sure enough, feel guilty and ashamed because of some internal nagging feeling I needed to try harder to work things out. Must remember why I had to cut ties with them. I had to, being with them caused me so much emotional and spiritual pain, I would later choose homelessness than ask for their help again. Yet, I still love them just do not want them in my life or do not want to share my life with them anymore. Does not make processing the loss of my bio family any easier. It does feel more correct than sticking with them. I wish I were a better friend. I often feel like a failing friend. I regret missing so many chosen family life events. Missed both of my brother’s weddings a few people’s graduations. Burned a lot of bridges protecting people that were later discovered to be trash. Wish I could send messages to say I am sorry. Just feel too much has either happen or too much time has gone by to bring it up now. The feelings and thoughts build up so much that it stresses me out and becomes intrusive thoughts shaming me out of evening trying. And having been burned by so many shitty relationships, feel less like... me. More like a by-product of all the lessons I learn. A by-product that is very wary of trying to make new friends or form new relationships. To be honest, I struggle with who I am and have been struggling with my self-image for three years now. So, trying to attempt new friendships seem out of my depths. Trying to be compassionate and kinder to myself …. when... I feel I need to be better and stronger than average. Sadly, I am my own worse jailer and serving life sentences for things that I just do not know why anymore. My brain gets so loud feels like my brain is grated with sandpaper. Depression, shitty world events, insomnia and PTSD, have caused me to disassociate to the point time has no meaning to me and staying in the moment is getting harder to do. Battling the idea that this is a dream or this reality is unreal. I really dislike being dissociative like this, reminds me too much of when I was doing meth and how quickly the time went by and how time was filled up with all other manners of things. Also reminds me of the time I almost cut myself to discern between reality and dreams. Grateful I have my husband to keep me grounded. He makes me smile when I am down. Somedays, he is the only thing keeping me here. My mind is full, and my heart is heavy. The road is long and the burden heavy, but I will be moved forward in some way. Thank you for your time, love

Fenix

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 8--For Blood

As always, placed behind a cut for those of you that would rather escape my babbling, lol.  You’re welcome.  

Sadly, I don’t think this is anticipation I feel.  I’m pretty sure it’s dread but okay.  Here we go.  

This episode has to go up from the rock bottom boredom of last week, right?  

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the truth that I in no way hate Maggie.  She’s been with us since Season 2 and I have an emotional attachment to her, mostly due to my love of Glenn and the way he loved her.  She’s not my favorite by any means, but the fact of the matter is, I do like and appreciate her and don’t mind that she is back because it’s nice to have old familiar faces with us to take us into the final season.  That said?  Forcing Maggie front and center after her long absence ultimately, IMHO, has not worked in these first 8 episodes.  I can’t help but feel if ASZ had been the A story with Maggie/Negan and Daryl/Leah/the Reapers the B1 and B2 story?  These episodes would have been better received overall and not feel so much like they’re trying so hard.  Maybe lead me toward the water instead of shoving my head in it next time, Angela?  Hmm?  

Oh goodie.  They’re opening at Meridian.  Should I get my bathroom break out of the way now or give myself an out for later?  Call it Shae’s choice, lol.  

That flicker of a smirk Leah gave to Carver after their mini walk down memory lane had more spark to it than the entirety of her and Daryl’s toxic relationship.  In the future, maybe Angela will lean all in on them instead of Leah and Daryl.  Something tells me Leah knows this “brother” biblically.  

Daryl recognizes Whisperer moves when he sees ‘em.  Somehow, he realizes Maggie and Negan have banded together however reluctantly.  

Pope doing it “Dixon’s” way but not allowing Dixon to do the actual thing shows the level of distrust and paranoia the man still haves for outsiders. 

Look at Daryl chewing his lips with worry for his people.  If he and Leah know each other even a little bit, she has to recognize that as one of his tells.  

Ooohhhh.  Who took the first stab at Wells?  Maggie?  Negan?  Father G?  I swear.  I took my eyes off the “ball” one second and the whole damn play is halfway down the field.  Sorry.  If you cannot tell, I watched football with the fam yesterday, lol.  

The Walking Dead logo didn’t crumble this time.  Interesting.  Parts of it looked like it had been rebuilt.  With brick.  Wood.  Other parts of it looked reclaimed by nature.  Call me crazy, but that almost looks like an eye/part of a face on the first D.  

Okay then.  Babbling nonsense about the logo over, lol.  Tell me.  Please.  Anybody.  How do the events at ASZ line up with the events at Meridian?  Because it’s night and full-blown storming in ASZ and still daylight at Meridian.  But hey.  Thank fuck we’re in ASZ.  

All the babies huddled together giving me feels.  Sorry.  I know some feel they have no place on the show, but I personally enjoy their inclusion from time to time.  It usually plucks hard at my heartstrings.  

Connie tenderly comforting an injured Virgil is sweet, not gonna lie.  

Aww.  Is that Hershel petting a scared RJ’s hair?  Unless it’s a case of me not being able to pick out and place all the little hands, which it most certainly could be, I’m thinking Judith’s got her hand on her knee and that’s Hershel’s hand in RJ’s hair.  Regardless of whose hand is where, it was a sweet little scene.  What can I say?  I’m easy because Baby Glenn and Baby Rick, ya’ll.  

Oh snap.  The windmill’s on fire and pieces of the wall are blowing down main street ASZ like steel tumbleweeds, lol.  

Anybody else having flashbacks to the barn from Season 5?  Good times.  We still had most of Team Family with us then.  They were in a bad place, hurting and lost and just trying to survive--when are they not just trying to survive?--but they were together.  I miss them.  

Carol and Lydia holding each other.  These two, lovelies, have my whole heart.  

Wells is Walker Jerky, Shaw.  Stop wasting your breath.  

“She did.  My enemy.”  I mean, are we supposed to get the impression Maggie’s been a formidable adversary to Pope?  Because she feels more like a roach that simply knows the best rocks to hide under.  Granted, roaches are hard to kill but still.  I’m gonna need them to give us something better than Maggie being Pope’s enemy simply because she didn’t want to give up her home without a fight because this is frankly unbelievable and bordering on stupid.  

Alright.  So they’ve obviously been sowing the seeds of distrust and defiance between Leah and Pope because she doesn’t like losing family but Daryl?  Man?  You and Leah have differing opinions about how family operates.  Trust me on this.  

So.  Three teams, huh?  Aaron fighting the windmill fire, Carol repairing the breach in the wall, Rosita protecting the babies that represent their future.  Choose your fighters, lol.  Seriously, though.  Why do I have the sinking feeling only one group is going to be shown actually doing their thing?  

Listen.  Am I pissed we haven’t gotten the scene we deserve yet between Carol and Connie after all that’s happened and we’re getting crumbs mainly because Angela wrongly feels the Reapers/Maggie & Negan/Daryl & Leah need more focus?  Absolutely.  You bet your sweet asses.  But Melissa fucking McBride just took the crumbs allotted her and made a magnificent, work of art cake out of it trying all on her lonesome to feed us starving Carol fans.  

Bless Connie wanting wanting to go with Carol.  What a show of trust and sister-like solidarity that must have some hate-rotted guts about to turn themselves out.  

I love Kelly and Connie’s sister bond.  No ill will intended, but It takes the good parts of Maggie and Beth and elevates it beyond anything those two ever showed us.  I really feel like that’s a testament to Angel and Lauren’s real life ease with each other.  

Magna choosing to go with Aaron makes me wonder if it’s possible she feels some kind of residual guilt over Connie.  Not guilt for anything she’s actually done, but simply guilt over making it out.  

Virgil volunteering to help.  Okay.  Damn.  I’m honestly starting to like the guy.  

Judith offering to go with her aunt Carol had me all up in my feels.  I mean, granted.  It was a blink and you miss it scene.  We really deserved a longer heart to heart between that little girl and the woman that’s sacrificed so much to keep her safe and loved her for so long, but you know I’ll gobble any and all Judith/Aunt Carol content up.  Seems to me, Little Ass Kicker is just as afraid of letting Aunt Carol out of her sight as Uncle Daryl.  My heart.  

Gracie and Aaron are sweet.  And honestly?  I find them more realistic and true to what normal parents and children would be like in a ZA than Judith and Michonne no matter how much I love that bond.  I mean no disrespect, but I really do.  

“Why am I keeping you around?”  Pope asking the question we’re all wondering.  

Not Apocalypse Popeye comparing Daryl to a stray dog.  Joe from the Claimers already declared Daryl an outside cat that thought he was an indoor cat.  I did have to internally cheer when Daryl was like “I’m ain’t gonna lick it” talking about the helping hand Pope had extended him.  

“Somehow she has turned the dead against the living.  Oh, that’s impressive.”  The thing about Pope respecting Maggie so much as an enemy is I just find it hard to buy, lol.  Like if this had been Carol, yeah.  But Maggie?  Nope.  They’ve mostly shown her (with Gage being the bewildering exception) to be all bark and no bite.  

Has the house in ASZ really become that dilapidated that they can see through its walls?  Because its original owners dodged a bullet if so.  

Look at Grace hero-worshipping Judith.  It’s sweet.  

Virgil telling Judith Michonne would be proud of her is nice but doesn’t feel as earned as if someone like Daryl or Carol that actually knew Michonne well said it.  But maybe that’s the whole point--Judith needs to hear it from someone she knows isn’t going to just say what she wants to hear.  

Call me jaded, it was a touching scene, but also?  It felt designed to allow Judith to move beyond her very normal and realistic feelings of being abandoned by Michonne, even though she gave her the “okay” herself.  Like she’s still a kid.  Wants don’t always line up with feelings.  Anyway.  Cailey continues to be a bright, shining little star and I love how she’s managed to make Judith a true amalgamation of all the people she’s loved who have loved her in return.  Not just Michonne.  I know people like to overlook and cheapen the fact, but it’s taken a village and entire family to raise her from infancy.  

Gracie really should have known better than play in front of the windows during a storm period, but oh well.  Plot point, lol.  

Seriously, though.  I feel like they’ve teased poor Gracie’s demise in a multitude of ways since the beginning of the season.  I hope nothing ultimately comes of it but I fear it will.  All I can say if the worst comes to happen is poor Aaron.  

Where are Negan and Elijah though?  Ouch.  There they are, taking on shrapnel for the cause.  

Ready the what now?  

There’s ASZ’s Baby Sitter Extraordinaire!  Barbara, is it?  That lady’s been putting in the work since Season 5 at least.  

I’ve honestly grown to love Rosita.  More of her and less of Maggie, please and thank you.  

“Let’s stay away from the windows.”  I’m sorry but I had to LMAO at that.  Still a badass moment though.  

Gabe hobbling toward his assigned sentinel.  At least they haven’t forgotten he’s injured like they seemed to forget Daryl was near death last season before the attack on Hilltop, lol.  

“It’s hard to watch something you care about change.”  Listen, Leah.  Chick.  You and Daryl obviously never really knew each other.  It’s always been obvious but I have a feeling “DIxon�� is finally going to show you, spoilers or no spoilers.  

WTF are they calling that thing?  Sorry.  I have just as hard a time understanding Pope’s accent as I do Maggie’s sometimes.  

That’s not love that has Daryl telling Leah she can come with him.  That’s care for somebody he used to know.  There is a distinct difference that’s obviously lost on so many.  How can you really and truly love someone you cannot trust?  Especially in Daryl Dixon’s case?

Why does Angela hate us so much?  Giving us all these Reaper scenes and leaving us to simply imagine Carol and Connie and Kelly working side by side to save the wall?  

I think I honestly could have enjoyed this whole Reaper storyline more, at least a little bit anyway, had they not retrofitted a half-assed romance between Daryl and the story’s weakest link and if only they’d made it the B storyline and given earned deference to the goings-on in ASZ instead.  

I wonder if Glenn taught Maggie how to hot write a car?  I miss my baby Glenn.

Apocalypse Popeye is several fries short of a Happy Meal.  What else is new on this show, lol?  

I care for Maggie.  Mostly for nostalgia’s sake and Glenn and Baby Hershel but damn, man.  She’s not actually proven herself got be worth killing your entire “family” for.  But are too far gone, so.  We’ll make allowances.  

I will say at least this episode is not as abysmally biring as last week’s episode.  

Leah finally giving Pope the throat punch he’s been asking for but I’m not fooled she’s on Daryl’s side here.  She’s always been on her own side.  

Look at Father G returning the favor for Maggie saving him in the tower.  Taking Deaver down!  Poor Deaver barely saw the light of day.  

Here comes that woman scorned part.  I can feel it.  

“Pope is dead.  Dixon murdered him.  He’s with the enemy.”  

Please, Angela.  I’m begging you.  Bring Carol into this story and ramp it the fuck up.  You been idling too damn long and the car is fast running outta gas.  

Bitch really has to die to framing Carol’s Pookie.  

Rosita and Lydia and Carol and Connie and Kelly and Magna have literally been holding up this damn show while Angela farts around with the Reapers bullshit.  Honorable mention goes to Aaron but these lovely, badass ladies been putting in the real work and not getting any of the glory.  You just know they’re tired AF.  

Not my babies Lydia and Judith being the cliffhanger!  Oh and Gracie.  Angela?!  A word.  

Listen.  Carol’s already done that fireworks trick.  That Reaper dude owes her royalties.  Granted, it was on a smaller scale but much more impressive for it because she was left to be the sharpshooter.  

Angela has a point.  It is kind of cool how Team Family have learned from their enemies and assimilated their useful points into their own cache of knowledge.  

I truly feel like the Leah/Reaper storyline would have benefitted from a much stronger actress.  Just saying.  

I know Judith annoys some with her precociousness but Cailey just keeps teeing off on what they give her and personally?  I feel she’s so very talented and light years beyond her little acting counterparts so it still works.  

“They’re never gonna choose each other over the people that they’ve loved and fought for because they simply cannot really trust each other.  There’s sort of, like a toxicity at the base of that relationship.”  Straight from Angela’s mouth.  

“At the end of the day, Daryl chose his family.”  Yeah, he did.  That “I belong with you” shit only happened when he felt they were all gone, including the one he loved above all others--Carol.  Fight me.  

Overall impression of the episode?  

On its own, disregarding how much I can’t help resenting how much time I feel has been “wasted” setting this story up, it was much more entertaining than Episode 7 which was only epic in that it was an epic bore.  There was still too much focus on the Reapers when I just just kept wanting to see what was happening at ASZ.  I mean, they cheated us out of Carol and Connie and Kelly working together. Of Aaron and Magna.  Call it personal preference coloring my opinions if you want, but the characters I care about feel like they’ve been shown the backseat for this self-indulgent exploration of Angela’s OC and her version of self-insert FF with Daryl Dixon.  If we can return to Team Family?  The whole Team Family and not just Maggie and Co. against the world?  You’ve got me.  If not?  Well.  You’ll keep losing me by degrees and you don’t want to do that on the final season.  

Anyway.  The ASZ parts were my favorites per usual.  The episode could have used a lot more of those.  

[tren-fraszka]

Fic in a Box 2021 Exchange Letter

Dear creator,

Thank you for taking your time to check my requests. I know my requests can sound a bit tricky, but please don’t be discouraged. I wish you will have good time writing first and foremost!

My AO3 is Tren, if you wish to check it out.

Likes: comedy, casefics, canon compliants, AUs, time loops, bodyswaps, roleswaps, “being hoisted by your own petard” plotlines, snark, pettiness, rivals, enemies to friends to lovers, violence, friendships, and character bonding,

DNW: explicit sex (makeouts and fade to black is okay), A/B/O, mpreg, rape depicted as positive (so no “it’s okay, because the other person enjoyed it/it was what they truly wanted”), trans headcanons, soulmate AUs, stories ending with surrender to fate/destiny, fourth wall breaking in canons where that doesn’t occur, character has cancer or other real-life terminal disease AU, word “queerplatonic”.

Also, I included what ships I’m okay with in each fandom. Please do not include any ships that aren’t canon and I have not allowed in those sections (if you feel really strongly about a ship I haven’t mentioned, you can always ask through mods just in case).

On a separate, but similar note, I’m okay with OCs as long as they don’t overshadow the characters I requested.

Additionally, while I almost never request fanart as possible medium, because I prefer my main gift to be fic, I would be very okay with receiving fanart treats. Also, feel free to peruse my old letters if you get your hands on them. I never stop being interested in fandoms, and if I requested something once I will still want it in the future.

                                           REQUESTS

Medium opt-ins (they are the same for all the fandoms):

Length Opt-In: Drabble Length Opt-In: Drabble Series Medium Opt In: Any - Any In-Universe Documents Medium Opt In: Art - Drawn - Comics Medium Opt In: Art - Drawn - Fanart Medium Opt In: Art - Excerpts from a Character's Sketchbook Medium Opt In: Art - Tarot Card Medium Opt In: Illustrated Text (Art & Writing) - Bureaucratic Paperwork Medium Opt In: Illustrated Text (Art & Writing) - Excerpts from a Journal/Notebook/Sketchbook Medium Opt In: Illustrated Text (Art & Writing) - Field Report Medium Opt In: Illustrated Text (Art & Writing) - Mission Report Medium Opt In: Illustrated Text (Art & Writing) - In-Universe Scientific Documents Medium Opt In: Writing - Unreliable Narrator Medium Opt In: Writing - Non-Linear Narrative

MARIMASHITA! IRUMA-KUN

I read new manga chapters as they get translated so feel free to incorporate anything from the manga that’s available in English.

Kirio Amy/Suzuki Iruma

There are many good ships with Iruma, but this one just has a lot things I like. I love enemy ships with both sides being way too emotionally invested into each other so this was inevitable. I love how this relationship starts as this really wholesome friendship and school festival preparation, except Kirio turns out to be a bit messed up and wants to blow up everyone. But then they both accept the outcome and go on with their lives still thinking about each other. Iruma goes through a lot of trouble to keep the club operating even though Kirio has been pretty much expelled. And then Kirio is now obsessed with Iruma as his anthitesis and perfect enemy.

I’m okay with the potential story happening at any point in the canon. I would love both a story set before the festival while Kirio is still hiding his true colors or a story set after it. Maybe Iruma runs into Kirio somewhere after he escapes prison and instead of calling an adult, he tries to stop Kirio from causing trouble on his own. As for pre-festival story. Maybe some upperclassmen steal important parts from the club and Iruma and Kirio set out to get them back.

Naberius Callego & Suzuki Iruma

I love Callego for being a much better take on Snape than original Snape ever was. The second the series made Callego Iruma’s familiar I knew this was about to get good. And it was. I love how Callego slowly warms up to Iruma, even if he is still allergic to his and Sullivan’s antics. I love that Callego is actually a competent teacher who cares about his students, but at the same time he would rather eat a whole lemon than admit it out loud.

For prompts, maybe Sullivan ends up having an important business and Opera isn’t available so he dumps looking after Iruma on Callego for a few days. Or Iruma is struggling with studying since so many things are new for him, so Callego ends up forced to help him catch up with the material (if you are following manga inclusion of Balam is always welcome). Or maybe Iruma gets into usual trouble ends up stranded somewhere and the only one he can call for help is his familiar.

Crocell Kerori | Kuromu/Gyari

One of the last thing I expected to get this year was a canonical yuri romance in this manga, but here it is and it’s perfect. I love how it is pretty much built on mutual pining. I love how Kuromu loves Gyari, but refuses to reciprocate her feelings, because she knows that she needs to remain unattainable to keep their relationship alive, and I love how Gyari is never ever going to give up.

I would love to see more of the time when they worked together. We know it was love at the first sight for Gyari, but I would love to see how Kuromu’s feelings grew. Those hours they spent together practicing, maybe a not-date where they sneak together to scout a venue where they will be having their first big concert, or maybe a small contest that would sow the seeds for their future rivalry. I would love any and all of it. Also, Gyari doesn’t seem to be aware of Kuromu’s civilian identity, so I would love a story where Gyari meets Crocell Kerori rather than Kuromu. Does she recognize her? Or does Kerori manage to successfully trick her? Maybe Gyari makes a full investigation after hearing rumors that Kuromu is attending Babylys. I would also love any sort of future fic for those two.

AUs and ships

I love the worldbuilding around the demon world, so I would ask that if you decided to write an AU that it still incorporates demons. I would definitely love an AU where rather than getting summoned to demon world, Iruma accidentally summons either Kirio or Callego into the human world. Maybe Iruma’s parents try to use him as an offering, but instead he ends up bound to a demon. I would love to see Kirio excited to unleash suffering (even if his weak powers severely limit him in that regard) onto human world just to discover that he made contract with the biggest pacifist possible. Or Callego being torn between wanting to return home as soon as possible (he has classes to teach!) and wanting to somehow help the weird human child that just keeps getting into trouble. Any other demon-focused AU is also welcome. For Gyari and Kurmou, maybe one of them is a human who ends up summoning the other as a demon. How different would their relationship be then? I’m also fine with any sort of AU divergences scenario. Maybe Iruma keeps accidentally sabbotaging Kirio’s terrorist plans without realizing it. Or Iruma ends up summoning Callego more often as his familiar when he gets into trouble. What if Gyari also attended Babylys.

As for ships, I’d rather avoid any love triangle scenarios for this canon, so please focus on just one pairing per character (competing for Iruma’s attention is normal for this canon, I’d just rather not see outright romantic competition). It’s self-explainatory for Kirio request, but if you want to include some shipping elements into the other requests I also ship Iruma/Amelie and Callego/Balam.

VIVY: FLUORITE EYE’S SONG

Solo: Vivy

WB: Any

I would love a look into some alternate timelines or missing scenes. Feel free to go as tragic as you like for alternate timelines, or make a happy end, or anything in between. I just think the core concept of the show has a lot of potential in that regard. For a more specific prompts I would love an AU where Diva doesn't disappear, but maybe she and Vivy end up spliting in some way (I'm sure Matsumoto could find a spare body or something). Or maybe a story where one of the Sisters ends up dragged into Singularity project (I really loved what they did with Elizabeth in the show).

For more worldbuilding prompts I would love a more in-depth look of how Matsumoto as more advanced AI differs from the past eye and how that gap is slowly being closed with each case he and Vivy resolves. Or outsider POV on how Vivy’s and Matsumoto’s actions shape the world. Them turning off the plant producing new androids and the subsequent suicide would definitely get coverage. I would love to know how the whole thing was officially explained. Are there conspiracy theories on the Internet? Sisters are involved in every major incident, would people suspect something?

AUs and ships

I would prefer no setting changes for this story. Any other AUs are fine. As mentioned I would love any look for alternate timeline. I would also love an AU where Diva doesn’t recover her memories and keeps helping Matsumoto while trying to regain them.

Any canon pairings are fine.

SOUSOU NO FRIEREN

I read new manga chapters as they get translated so feel free to incorporate anything from the manga that’s available in English.

Frieren

Frieren/Himmel

I love how this manga is a slow-paced fantasy dealing with loss and inevitable passage of time. And I love Frieren for being one of the best depictions of an elf whose long life actually affects their outlook on life and actions.

I would equally love the insight into Frieren’s present with her charges and the past with hero party. What other shenanigans they get into on their journey? What kind of weird magic Frieren pursued? I would love to see more of her mentoring Fern and Stark. I also love to see her interactions with the hero party. Maybe some more insight into how they fought with demons, since Frieren seemed to have picked up a number of enemies during that time. For some more specific prompts: maybe Frieren accidentally stumbles ona cursed item that erases her memories (or just her memories of Himmel). How would it affect her? What would the party do to help her? Or maybe a demon kidnaps someone from Frieren’s party?

Feel free to include any other characters, they are a colorful bunch.

AUs and ships

I’m fine with AUs as long as Frieren’s long lifespan is preserved. Her perspective is very much shaped by how long she has lived, so I wouldn’t want that aspect to change. One exception would be, a roleswap where Himmel is an elf, while Frieren is a human, and exploration of how both of them would be affected by having a different lifespan. An AU with mythological creatures or similar could be interesting.

I would very much love Himmel/Frieren, though I also enjoy how the manga softly builds on their connection. I also enjoy the budding romance between Fern and Stark.

ONMYOJI

I like all the characters so feel free to include any of them in the story. Bonus points for Ennmusubi doing some subtle matchmaking.

Hakuro/Kusa

I love both of them and how much Kusa looks up to Hakuro. I would love to see them have some adventures together. Maybe they help some other youkai? Or one of the onmyoji? I would also love a deeper insight into how Kusa became stronger after getting inspired by Hakuro. How did she try to improve herself? There definitely was some trial and error and I would love to see that.  

Shiranui/Kinnara

That pairing came out of the left field for me, but I absolutely love the interactions the two of them had so far. I would love to see them meeting more, their feelings growing each time they see each other. I also feel like a story where they keep meeting each other in a dream would really fit them, as they would long to finally meet each other in reality.

AUs and ships

I’m fine with any AU. A modern AU with archer Hakuro and gardener Kusa would be cute. Or a dancer Shiranui and a musican Kinnara. Alternatively an AU where one of the two is onmyoji could be very interesting.

I’m fine with Hakuro’s admiration for Hiromasa being present as long as it doesn’t overshadow her relationship with Kusa. 

DRESDEN FILES

Harry Dresden/Lara Raith

I was sceptical of this pairing all the way through Peace Talks, but then Harry and Lara had this intense falling out, Murphy had died, and suddenly this is a supernatural arranged political marriage and I love everything about this situation. I mean everything. Harry still being in mourning and absolutely not wanting to be forced into this arrangement, Lara still being distrustful of Harry, suspecting that Dresden is using their brother as a bargaining chip, Mab expecting both of them to present themselve as a couple for political reasons. It’s just terrible time for both of them, but so much fun for me.

I would love to see them forced to attend various supernatural events to present themselves per Mab’s wishes. How badly would Dresden handle it? Also it was confirmed that he was marked with true love which means he and Lara probably can’t even touch directly. How well do they hide that fact from everyone? How much guilt would Harry have once he realized that the mark has weakened or disappeared now that he started to develop feelings for Lara? How much chaos will ensue when the wedding does happen?

AUs and ships

I don’t want any setting AU for this fandom, because the existing setup is just too perfect. I’m fine with a divergence AU as long as Lara and Harry are still forced into arranged marriage.

I would want for Harry’s past relationships be acknowledged mostly because him being in mourning is part of what I find appealing about his situation. I don’t expect any scenes actually showing him with his past lovers, but I would be very okay with them appearing.

TALES OF CRESTORIA

Feel free to include other Tales characters. My faves are the cast of Xillia, Symphonia and Graces, but I’m also fine with including other characters (I would appreciate proper introductions in that case, I still haven’t played some of the games, so I might not recognize everyone just by their name).

Solo: Lloyd Irving

I would love more insight into small, but murdeous Lloyd. Seriously I loved the idea of Lloyd originally being manipulated into killing Colette and would love to see Lloyd remembering his lost memories at some point (bonus points for also exploring the idea of Colette as an artificial construct). Also I'm always a sucker for Kratos and Lloyd awkwardly trying to rebuild their familial bonds. What if Lloyd went with Kratos after all? What would happen if they ran into each other again. 

Stahn Aileron & Leon Magnus

I would love more of Leon's utter suffering as he searches for a way to turn his best friend back into human, so people stop thinking he's crazy whenever he tells his sword to shut up. I would love to see him reunite with Crestoria’s main cast and getting annoyed at how chaotic they are. Or running into Sorey again. Honestly, I would love seeing him interact with pretty much anyone, and grumpily helping them kill monsters/do charity/etc. Or exploring Stahn’s and Leon’s past. I would love to see their childhood and how they grew to be such a good friends.

I haven’t played Destiny, so please give me context if you want to include any elements that aren’t in Crestoria.

Velvet Crowe/Milla Maxwell

I thrive on the twisted codependency those two have in Crestoria. I will take both good, tragic and/or ambiguous ends for this relationship. Whether Velvet decides to forgive Milla or kill her it will be great. Give me all those twisted emotions, the hesitation, and pain both of them are carrying.

For straightforward approach, maybe the two of them stop in a town while chasing the last Incarnation and Milla decides to throw a party (because it’s some sort of festival, or maybe she found out it’s Velvet’s or Laphicet’s birthday and wants to make some amends however small). Or maybe one of them gets hurt during the fight with an Incarnation and the other ends up nursing them to health.

For some more levity, maybe Velvet and Milla ran out of money and pick up some side-job to have enough money for an inn. Maybe they work as waitresses and are both great and terrible at it at the same time. Or they have to take care of kids. Any other amusing job is also good.

AUs and ships

I’m fine with any AUs, though for Stahn&Leon request I still want Stahn to be the sword. I’m okay with Stahn turning human (or from human to sword) in the course of the story or being human when showing his past with Leon.

I don’t want Velvet or Milla paired with anyone else or Asbel/Cheria. Other than that there’s too much ships. Please inquire through the mods about specific ones.

FATE/GRAND ORDER

WB: Any

Please only include NA content, I want to avoid JP spoilers

I would love to explore any part of the setting really. I especially love the various interesting connections Servant have with each other that might not be obvious at first glance (like the fact that Iskander is also a pharaoh). I’m just fascinated by all the intricate historical connections. I would also love to see how some Servants would react if they were taken to Singularity/Lostbelt/Event they weren’t a part of. 

Alternatively I would love to see exploration on how different the protagonists upbringing is from other mages especially given how bad they are at magic. We get some of it with Crypters (I loved how frustrated Kadoc was at the fact that the protagonist is even worse at magic than him), but I would love to see more of it. Maybe some Servants try to teach protagonist magic or prepare them for interactions with Clock Tower mages.

I'm fine with both male and female protagonist. Feel free to do anything from a serious character exploration to zany antics. I love both moods FGO jumps between, you can't go wrong with that. Historical context always welcome. I'm fine for any usual suspects when it comes to plot ideas: be it training simulator shenanigans, "oh no we lost comms and are stuck in Singularity", Moriarty scheming, to someone wanting to make Master happy in their own special, dysfunstional and/or possibly destructive ways

Some of the characters I enjoy: Gilgamesh (any), Mordred, Karna, Medea, Saint Martha, Ereshikigal, Danzo, Jeanne D'Arc Alter, Mysterious Heroine XX, Sitonai, Moriarty, Goredolf, any character from pairings section solo. Though honestly I love pretty much everyone in Chaldea except Columbus.

AUs and ships

Obviously, no setting changes AUs, but feel free to Canon Divergence

Pairings: Amakusa/Semiramis, Izou/Ryouma, Kintoki/Fuuma, Romani/Merlin, Romani/protagonist. Also feel free to assume protagonist/everyone (except the "child" Servants). Feel free to ask about other pairings through mods, I’m definitely missing some

[they-callme-ami]

Double Dutch. (aka the drunk! Elijah, Aurora, black!MC and Tobias fic)

Note: This story uses lots of AAVE (African American Vernacular English) and is mostly intended for a black audience--you can still read for funsies or whatever, but I better not hear some shit about it not being inclusive or using 'improper grammar'.

Tags: @what-do-you-mean-theyre-evil @tyrils-star @melaninnntae @indescribablybre @prism-goddess

It started innocently enough: you were helping Aurora wrap her hair, pinning it up and tying the scarf around it.  Elijah rolled into the living room in his pajamas. You three were the only ones at home since you three had worked later than Jackie, Bryce and Sienna and didn’t feel like going out that night.  But y’all weren’t opposed to chillin and talkin’ shit. 

It had been a long ass day. Ethan was getting on every damn nerve you had, either talking about his mom and their strained relationship or bugging you about your cases. The man just did not leave you alone, and normally it was cool--but today he needed to back the fuck up and stop talkin shit about Tobias. It was gettin old. Not only that, but you had your own intern to deal with--which is what you were going on about now.

“I’m telling you Elijah--I love Esme but that girl is too fuckin much!  She always stay talkin back to the other attendings, nearly started a fight with another intern, and even when she asks for my advice she don’t listen! Thinkin she know everything….fuckin stubborn headass..” You sigh while twisting your hair.  

“Uh-huh. Sounds like a familiar head-ass doctor I know.  You were on trial last year, stoopid!  I know your ass not talkin bout Esme.  She’s a breeze compared to Sothy… he barely knows how to do anythin--it's a damn miracle he graduated y’know.”

“And who’s fault is that Elijah--oh, excuse me, Oracle.”  Aurora smirked and laughed as Elijah could only sit there, ultimately taking the L.

As y’all were about to go in on each other, there was a knock at the door.

“Oh! Finally, must be the package I ordered.  I hope y’all are ready to see me strut the halls in my new---”  You open the door, only to see Tobias there in some sweats with some take out food and a paper bag.

“Not a package, but I’d love to see what you plan on struttin in.”  He teased and smirked.

“SHIT---Uh---why are you here so late---”  You had your bonnet on and a big ass t-shirt with some stains on it and some basketball shorts.  It was the first time he'd seen you so casual.

"Easy there firecracker, I didn't expect you to look--what are the kids saying--'beat and snatched' 24/7." He pecked your lips and walked in. 

“I invited him Y/N. Tobias, don't ever try and say that shit again and bring me my wings.”  Aurora smiled and laughed, seeming to not be phased by her boss seeing her in a scarf and acne cream dotting her face.  Was she just so tired from work she didn’t care?  Who were you kidding, this girl was a complete trip after a long day and was just sayin ‘fuck it’.

“Elijah, I got Tobias to grab you some of that shrimp scampi from that place downtown, and Y/N--he got you your favorite cause I told him and you his new boo thing.”  Aurora smirked with a wing in hand, and Elijah playfully gagged while Tobias handed out takeout containers and handed yours over. Yup, it was your favorite dish from your favorite place.  

“Now--I was invited for 3 reasons: A.) I have a car so I could do the food run and get y’all spoiled asses some good food.  B.)  I live 5 blocks away from the liquor store so--” He held up a bottle from the bag he had--Hennessy, cause of course he’d get the most stereotypical dr--”And C.) I had to pull a double shift so I’m tired and nice enough to share some college Ramsey stories with y’all.”

So there you were, sipping on your glass and laughing as Tobias was explaining how Ethan thought that ‘double dutch’ was some kind of dessert or innuendo for a threesome with exchange students.

“Wait wait---no no you gotta be kiddin me.  Fuckin 4.0 Med school GPA Ramsey--future head of Edenbrooks Diagnostics Team--thought double dutch was some kinda play on words?  I have to laugh…” Elinah snorts. You couldn’t help but burst into whoops and hollars, laughing and even Aurora couldn’t hide the smile on her face after she almost choked on her drink.

“Uh-huh.  Even after I told him what it was, he insisted that he had to see ‘it’.  I took him to my old neighborhood, and watched four 9 year old girls school him while he nearly fell flat on his face!”  Tobias laughed and smiled as he recalled the memory.  “For someone so fuckin smart--I swear to god he’s a dumbass.  Arrogant too, he never wanted to jump rope at the gym anymore.”

Something inside you flipped on.  You took a sip of Henny and smirked.  

“Well, I knew he had the fuckin long-ass neck of a giraffe, but clearly them legs ain’t doin him a favor either.”  Tobias nearly spat his drink and crumbled on the floor into laughter, Elijah slamming his hand on the table and laughing with him.  It was taking all of Aurora’s willpower to not laugh and act a fool.  “I mean, I know he ain’t got any rhythm either!  Mothafucka was clappin OFFBEAT during Donahue’s karaoke night, but I’m supposed to trust him to count how many heartbeats a patient has.”  You joke again, and Elijah was holding his sides.

“Fuck---he---Y/N shut the hell up!”  Tobias laughed and playfully pushed your shoulder.  “Pass me the damn bottle….y’all lemme tell you somethin worse than that--his cooking.  The man can’t stay on beat let alone beat a fuckin egg.  Y/N--tell ‘em bout the chicken.”

“He---He invited me home after work or somethin--and he wanted me to help him with this recipe he saw for chicken.  Y’all, it was the BLANDEST ass recipe I ever saw in my life.  I was terrified to eat whatever the fuck he was makin, it was so bad his dad even helped out and said how it needed some proper seasoning.  I had never seen an old man so disappointed in such an empty spice cabinet.  I had to leave.”  You snicker as you retell the story.  “Even worse?  He tried to bring me some leftovers afterwards and by god was that mothafucka dry as HELL---y’know what, lemme calm down cause I am not about to yell over some bland ass chicken.”  You chugged down the Henny and grabbed the bottle to pour another glass.

“Y’know….for someone who seemed real eager to stuff a chicken, he cannot seem to tell he got a stick stuffed far up his ass.  No wonder he walks around like an emotionally constipated man-baby.”  Aurora said with a straight face as she chugged her own drink.  You turned away, laughing and doing a spit take as Tobias slammed his fist on the table, snorting while Elijah simply was in awe at Aurora’s words. 

 “My first week there, I was assigned to Y/N and cause my auntie was makin me give her full on oral essays of every case I had, I missed out on one of ours and nearly let a patient die.  Now---his ass knows this.  He knows exactly who the fuck I am and who the fuck my aunt is.  And what did he do?  Chewed me out without a second thought.  I was *this* close to curb stomping his ass I swear--He even called Y/N amature after saving someone’s life because it ‘was sloppy’ and ‘wasn’t professional enough’.  And another thing--” 

You watched Aurora stand up, Henny in her hand, and just goin off on Ethan.  She was tearing into him, from him being able to get off the hook for punching Declan, verbally avicerating innocent interns, being all high and mighty--man, she hated his ass.  Elijah was just eating his scampi, vibing and Tobias was smiling like a proud parent, eating his burger. 

 “He gon have the nerve--the audacity--the CAUCASITY to assume that I’M trippin because I told him about Landry being all rude and dismissive of one of his black-female patients.  He nearly put ME on probation for helping deliver the baby properly when Landry prescribed her the wrong treatment for something cause neither of them will ever fuckin LISTEN and--”  You could not have been any more impressed.  You were just soaking it all in.  She finally sat back down and ate some of her wings.

Tobias sighs and grins.  “Damn. Elijah, you been real quiet...you wanna add your two cents?” he asks while Tobias took a big gulp and sat the glass back down.  He took a deep breath.

“No, no….I just want his long-neck-headass, mommy-didn’t-love-me-so-I’m-a-lil-bitch-headass, grudge-holding-grown-ass-man-headass, lemme-insult-my-interns-headass, pompous, privileged, irritating, high and oh so fuckin’ mighty ass to humble himself and learn to get his head and the stick he got outta his ass.  It ain’t cute to just bash everyone around you cause yo ass is feelin like Hamilton, ‘smartest in the room’ mofo.”  He said, all very calmly while finishing his drink.   You, Tobias and Aurora just exchanged a look….and broke out into a fit of laughs and smiling. 

A few drinks later and a hella amount of roasts later, you were cuddled up with Tobias while Elijah laid out on Aurora's lap. 

"Damn…..we really been up for hours now. Jackie and Sienna still out…" Elijah piped up and checked his phone. "They're at Bryce's place, having a 'girls night' with Keiki and sleepin over…..ooooo, Tobias should sleep over too!" He showed y'all a photo Sienna sent. 

"Uh-huh, you should! We can watch movies and... oh Elijah your hair is sooooo soft." Aurora smiled and was playfully twisting it. Seems like the drinks were finally hitting.  Tobias could tell too.

He managed to help Elijah back in his wheelchair and followed his directions to his room.  He came back out to you helping Aurora to her room.

"Byyyye boss. See ya at work! If you do stay over, y'all better be quiet while he rearrange them guts!" She poked you laughing as you rolled your eyes and got her in bed.  You walked back out, feeling tipsy yourself and plopped on the couch...with Tobias.

"Y'know….your friends definitely know how to go all in on a roast session. I found out shit about Ethan I didn't know till now."

"Mhmmmm….Henny is….is a miracle worker…" you slurred and laughed, laying up on him. "And yoooooouuu….are a fine-ass pillow." 

Before you succumbed to the exhaustion and hennessy, you felt Tobias's lips peck your cheek gently and his arms hold you tight against him.

The next day at work, you were taking your break and went outside to the courtyard...much to your surprise you found a few children--presumabley patients-- playing double dutch with some jump rope.

"Apples, peaches, pears, and plums

Tell me when your birthday comes! 1! 2! 3! 4!"

They were counting along as you hopped inside the rope, showing off a bit and laughing. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ethan walking towards the building.

"Hey, Ethan, wanna join? It may not be a dessert or two dutch girls--but it'll be fun!" You called out and teased while working the ropes. You could see his face turn red from where you were, and him muttering softly about Tobias. You couldn't help but laugh as you kept skipping and hopping away.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 63 Poll (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 253 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

---

RATE THE CHAPTER 244 Responses

In contrast to episode 62, this episode got a lot more of a positive response, with no one rating it a one, and well over ¾ rating it as a 4 or better. The anticipation for the upcoming events surely has a part to play in this!

I love it! Wholesome and thrilling all in one!

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I think they did an amazing job. The animation was even better than before too.

Pacing was great! The best so far.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 247 Responses

As expected of the fandom, Falco leading Reiner to the basement to meet Eren got the largest chunk of the pie as what was probably one of the most anticipated moments from the episode. In second was the daytime festival with Reiner spoiling the kids to some good food, with the third place going to Eren meeting his grandfather at the hospital. 

They animated Dr Jaeger’s breakdown incredibly well, I felt extra bad for the guy.

WOULD YOU SHAMELESSLY EXPLOIT REINER FINANCIALLY IF YOU HAD SUCH AN OPPORTUNITY? 242 Responses

The majority of respondents say they would definitely exploit Reiner financially, with 31% saying they would feel bad about it, and 26.4% truly being shameless about it. 17.8%, on the other hand, would never even entertain the thought.

WHICH FOOD WOULD YOU WANT REINER TO BUY YOU? 246 Responses

Naturally, pizza gets the majority with nearly 60% of the vote (c’mon, who doesn’t love a good pizza?). Behind that was dessert at 22.8%, followed by those who prefer a good sandwich at 17.1%. A couple of commenters were just plain thirsty for other characters. 

All of the above ;)

Ereh abs 

1 drink with 2 straws so we can share while romantically staring into each other's eyes

EVERYTHING

erwin's t*ts

All. We make reiner broke

WHICH KID HAD THE CUTEST “BEGGING” EXPRESSION? 244 Responses

Gabi says she’s cute, and the fandom agrees! With 67.2% of the vote, Gabi takes the number 1 spot as the most adorable beggar. This is followed up distantly by Falco, who took in 25.8% of the vote. Zofia and Udo got a small amount of love as well.

WHAT DO YOU THINK - DID MAPPA DO WILLY TYBUR JUSTICE? 245 Responses

Overall, respondents are very happy with MAPPA’s rendition of Willy Tybur, with nearly 50% simply appreciating his design and seiyuu, while 38.8% find him quite dashing. A small amount think MAPPA got his design down just right, but not so much of a hit with the seiyuu. 

As expected of MAPPA! That's exactly Willy!

His shoulders look so small its weird

They did a good job casting and drawing him but I don't personally think he's attractive at all

I couldn't take him seriously since his voice is the same as kakashi's

He is fine and MAPPA animated him well. I don't look at him from sexual way. 

They really nailed Willy and I appreciate his character way more than in the manga

MAPPA MANAGED TO FIT IN THE STAIRWELL SCENE WITH PORCO AND PIECK. WAS IT EVERYTHING YOU HOPED IT WOULD BE? 247 Responses

MAPPA gave some of us a good surprise by repurposing the stairwell scene with Porco and Pieck (and I think most of us agree they’d have been fools to omit it completely). 38.1% were very grateful for it’s inclusion. 37.2% think they executed it well and had a nice chuckle from it. 9.7% were disappointed in the adaptation of Pieck’s ass, and 10.9% actually didn’t care about this scene anyway. 

Everyone's making too much of a fuss over it. Nice scene though

I wish they had actually animated her scurrying around

My bisexual ass simps for Porco AND Pieck 

It was everything I hoped for and more. Thank you Mappa

I always knew MAPPA wouldn't dare cut the scene where Pieck scares the crap outta Porco 😂. Poor guy could have fallen down the stairs.

That was a cute and fun scene. Pieck is really sweet and Porco was more friendly and open hearted than his manga counterpart. I really loved it!

YES! YES! YES! YES! Y E S!

Pieck Ass

MAPPA INCLUDED AN ANIME-ONLY SCENE OF A DRUNK TOWNSMAN PRAISING ZOFIA (MISTAKING HER FOR GABI), WHICH INCLUDES SOME SYMBOLISM ABOUT BAD LUCK. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ADDITION? 244 Responses

Anime-only scenes are always hit-or-miss with manga readers, and this one seems to have been no exception. Overall, 32% of respondents thought it added a nice layer to the life of Eldians on the mainland. 18.4% were appreciative of a little more Zofia content. 16.4% liked the scene well enough, but didn’t feel it was necessary. 12.7% feel that it will serve as more fodder for Gabi’s characterization. Smaller amounts either didn’t care about it, or felt that it was completely unneeded and pointless. 

I don't remember it not being part of manga, but this scene was good.

They skipped so many scenes from the manga and then add this... really not necessary

I've appreciated every little addition they've added so far, but I wish we could all quit associating black cats with bad luck. It's a major reason why they have a hard time getting adopted in real life. :(

Yet another bitter reminder of why I despise Gabi so much

OOF

I really liked the additions they made, they’re really making us like all these characters more and it’s going to hit even harder when things go down.

UDO’S SARCASM IN THE ANIME IS MUCH MORE PLAYFUL THAN HIS GLOOMY CYNICISM IN THE MANGA. DO YOU THINK THIS MAKES HIM MORE LIKEABLE? 243 Responses

Udo shows a lot of distaste for the way that Eldians are treated both in the manga and in the anime, although it seems to have gone a bit more overlooked when we initially met his character. The anime team upped the sarcasm in Udo’s fatalistic views and the fandom seems to be very receptive to it! 44.9% of respondents feel that it makes him stand out a lot more than it did in the manga, and 34.2% are simply enjoying this more lively rendition of his character. A handful of others prefer his demeanor better in the manga, while others really don’t care about Udo at all.

I adore him in the anime. It’s gonna hurt seeing him squashed.

The answer is: Yes! 

It hurts more 'cause he'll die

To me it kind of felt like anger disguised as playful sarcasm, which actually made it scarier to me because you never know when he's gonna snap like he did last time.

MAPPA OMITTED THE SCENE SHOWING ZEKE AND COLT PLAYING BASEBALL. AS MANGA READERS, THIS ONCE SPARKED A LOT OF DISCUSSION ABOUT WHETHER EREN AND ZEKE WERE WORKING TOGETHER. DO YOU THINK ITS REMOVAL WAS A GOOD MOVE? 243 Responses

Overall, there doesn’t seem to be much panic in the omission of Zeke and Colt playing baseball, although some write-in responses indicated that they were more saddened by the lack of development between Zeke and Colt, rather than the foreshadowing of the Yeager brothers working together. 39.5% feel that since we already know Zeke has an affinity for baseball, the foreshadowing works well enough without this extra scene. 28.8% feel that we should simply wait and see if MAPPA rearranged this like it has other scenes. 13.6% think that this will make things even more of a shock for anime-only viewers, while a smaller handful feel that it ruins all ability to even speculate about it.

It would be too obvious if it was in the same episode and I think Eren's scene is enough for people to make a conection between baseball and Zeke

I missed it because it fleshed out Zeke and Colt’s relationship. Specifically the thing Zeke says about being a big brother. 

I'm more sad because it was cute than for the potential foreshadowing. The foreshadowing is at least partly still there without it.

It's looking like a "show it later in a flaskback" angle.

It would probably be too obvious in an anime format

I'm more disappointed about the content of the conversation between Zeke and Colt

Since it was obvious last episode that the injured soldier was Eren, it’s good to actually hold another plot twist in the air that nobody will see coming as a replacement

WITH KIYOMI NOW INTRODUCED, HOW DO YOU THINK MIKASA WILL ACKNOWLEDGE THE AZUMABITO SYMBOL? 240 Responses

The symbol on Kiyomi’s kimono is the same one that is branded on Mikasa’s wrist in the manga. But the anime team retconned this detail and Mikasa’s mother showed her the symbol through embroidery instead. So it begs the question of how this will be acknowledged in the anime, given Mikasa doesn’t (knowingly) walk around with an embroidered Azumabito symbol on her clothing. 41.7% feel that she will verbally acknowledge the symbol as something her mother showed her when she was little. 25% are anticipating MAPPA retconning things back to having the symbol branded on Mikasa’s wrist again instead. 15.8% think she will have the symbol embroidered on a piece of clothing she is wearing, and others feel it will be acknowledged in a different way, or the scene will be omitted altogether.

Either canned entirely so they can focus more on adapting the more labor intensive parts or acknowledged in another way

Anyone who thinks they’ll retcon to a tattoo is super wrong. Japan has a huge taboo on tattoos because of the Yakuza (Japanese Mafia) so they’re 100% keeping with the embroidery 

I don’t even remember where Mikasa first saw the symbol…

I think it would be fine if they use the embroidery but they could just change where the tattoo is located

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE INCLUSION OF PIECK AND PORCO DURING THE DAYTIME FESTIVAL? 245 Responses

With Pieck being a fan favorite and Porco lacking in as much screen time in comparison, we asked how you all felt about the inclusion of them in the short festival scene. Most responses were positive, with 38.8% getting a kick out of the implication that they, too, were mooching off of Reiner for free food, 35.1% just loving that they’re getting more screen time altogether, and 17.1% feeling that it was a huge improvement over Reiner being solo in the manga. A small chunk of respondents felt it was better the way it was depicted in the manga. 

Doesn't matter, Falco is really the only one who deserves to live

I preferred it in the manga when Reiner was alone with the kids, but it's a nice addition to give them more screentime. Especially to Porco

Their moments together show the close-hearted bonds they have.

HOW DO YOU THINK THE ADAPTATION OF CHAPTERS 99 AND 100 WILL GO? 100 IS ONE THE COMMUNITY’S ALL-TIME FAVORITE CHAPTERS. 244 Responses

The Declaration of War has been one of the most anticipated animated episodes since its chapter’s publication. With MAPPA at the helm, we asked how confident you guys were in how it will be adapted. Nearly 70% of respondents are wholly confident in MAPPA’s ability to pull this off, regardless of whether they’ll have to cut some lines or are able to keep everything in. 25% remain cautiously optimistic. 

I'm really scared, but hope that they can make it justice 

No idea how they adapt that much dialogue in one episode

I hope the declaration of war gets the best adaptation possible.

IN A RECENT INTERVIEW, WE GOT A GLIMPSE OF SOME NEW MUSIC THAT HASN’T YET BEEN IN THE ANIME. COMPOSER SAMUEL KIM MADE A WONDERFUL FAN COMPOSITION BASED OFF OF THE SNIPPET IN THE INTERVIEW.... DO YOU THINK THAT HIS MUSIC IS WHAT WILL BE PLAYED DURING THE BUILDUP TO THE DECLARATION OF WAR? 228 Responses

For those of us who are OST nerds, we wait in anticipation of which track will be used for the iconic Declaration of War scene and how it will impact the overall execution. 37.3% who listened to the fan composition of a new song feel that no other song would suit the scene and are hopeful this is, indeed, what will play. 22.4% are hanging on for YouSeeBigGirl/T:T (or at the very least a rendition of it) due to the significance it has between Eren and Reiner. 19.3% feel it will play during Willy’s play, but not the Big Moment itself, and 11.4% simply aren’t invested. Some write-ins indicated they don’t want to be spoiled on any of the new music until it’s paired with the appropriate scenes. 

I hope that it will be Vogel im Kafig but this track fits great too, and I think that this track is more likely to play during the buildup scene

Not gonna listen. If this is indeed the DoW music, I want to hear it first during the scene itself.

It'll be edited around for the play but the climax at the end could very well match the trailer they used it in for DoW

Whatever MAPPA decides to play, I'll be content with I'm sure. 

I prefer to wait and be suprised by the ost than listen to it before and it feeling like deja-vu

YouSeeBigGirl would be great for some nostalgia but this new soundtrack seems intriguing, maybe MAPPA has more surprises for us

Im thinking the ost might be completely different but i am open to it being played because it does sound nice

No ost spoilers for me

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT EPISODE? 243 Responses

The top three most anticipated clips from the preview include Eren starting to transform, Willy declaring war and Eren and Reiner’s conversation in the basement. Of course, these are all more or less interconnected, so the vast majority of respondents are looking forward to the buildup toward and the climax of the DoW (as expected). A small number are looking forward to smaller scenes such as Falco realizing he’s been used and Willy’s play in general. 

I'm hyped for the declaration play!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I LOVED IT MAPPA IS DOING A GOOD JOB!!!!

I loved the humanization of all the characters

The perfect calm before the storm. Everything from here on out will be an unstoppable train

I'm just so happy to see the story animated! 

It was a mandatory filler episode for the declaration of war, important stuff happening but pretty boring overall.

This episode seemed shorter and kinda empty, but considering what's coming, I totally forgive and understand it. 

Its just a really great episode The pacing was perfect I was actually more invested with Magath's and Willy's interaction in the anime rather than the manga The visuals for the scene when Eren and Dr. Jaeger were talking were beautiful Udo's character was fleshed out more I'm still waiting for Armin It just presented things differently from how i read into those scence, and i liked that. Overall just really exited for the next episode and for chapter 136 to come out

The ending got me so HYPED for the next episode!! It was really well done.

the eyeshots of Eren's grandpa were epic

The episode was trully wonderful and I enjoyed every part of it. MAPPA is doing great job and I get a feeling that with the new soundtrack the episodes feel more serious than the ones created by WiT. I love Pieck. I never understood what was so ""cute"" about her in the manga. I saw her only as intelligent, skilled, tough warrior woman. Now I finally see her cuteness. I love how sweet and calm she is. Pieck reminds me of Tsuyu from MHA. They share similar energy. I'm grateful to MAPPA for making the bonds between the warriors stronger. This way the anime onlines will feel more sympathy to them. Pieck and Porco won't be just cold warriors, but nice folks.

Watching Falco and Gabi together is so satisfying to watch after knowing he confesses his love before inheriting the jaw Titan oooof love them so much

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 232 Responses

Thank you again to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again next episode!

[jaybug-jabbers]

Review: Pokemon Gold and Silver 97: Reforged

The Review

What a fantastic game. I went looking for a hack that fully realized the sort of pokemon game we glimpsed in the Spaceworld ‘97 demo, and I was not disappointed. 

This alternative version of Gold and Silver takes that Spaceworld demo and builds on it with loving care and attention to detail. All the beta pokemon sprites were freshly made from scratch or edited to update them for the final, polished Gameboy Color look. The pokemon movesets and stats were crafted so that they were balanced and didn’t contain placeholders, and the pokemon were populated throughout the world in a logical fashion. Dex entries were written and the pokes were integrated smoothly into the world. There are even different sprites and different encounter rates for Gold and Silver-- although you can ‘catch them all’ in either version, an excellent choice.

Meanwhile, the world map was colored, tweaked and polished, allowing us to explore that beta world that was stunningly different from the final Gold and Silver. It’s a place that in many ways seems even more vibrant and varied than final Gold and Silver, and is truly exciting to explore.

Along with this fully realized map, this hack’s creators also gave us a fresh new plot for Gold and Silver. This one was inspired by the differences glimpsed in the demo, including Oak’s increased involvement in the story, Silver’s different personality and role, and the inclusion of an Imposter Oak. The plot stays true to the style of pokemon games and doesn’t seem out of place. 

All of the exciting little beta details were included too-- including the original Type alignments, the original Gym Leader designs, beta pokemon moves, new hold items, access to the Skateboard, being able to name your Mom, and even the minigame on the game start screen. The attention to detail and the polish on this hack is truly impressive.

Essentially, I feel like this hack can be considered the definitive edition of the beta Gold/Silver that we never knew. It gives us a chance to experience this alternative world, and breathes life into these wonderful pokemon that never were. Giving us a chance to know and love these beta creations is truly a gift for pokemon fans.

Perhaps the only downside is the sadness that this is not the official version of Gold and Silver. I experienced Pokemon a little bit differently then my peers. As a child, I adored Red and Blue, but once I’d finished with those games, I moved on from pokemon. I have no nostalgic memories of Gold and Silver to hold onto. I only returned to pokemon years later as a teenager. At that point I played several generations, one after another, at the same time, as a sort of “pokemon binge.” While most would call it blasphemy, I was never too terribly fond of Gold and Silver. I think it was largely because I didn’t happen to like a lot of the pokemon designs in those games. In many ways, this ROM hack presents a Gold and Silver that I adore and can love even more than the originals. 

That’s not to say the official Gold/Silver games are all terrible, of course. There are still definitely some beta pokemon that I feel were axed or altered for good reason. Not all of them are better then the final cuts. And there are other elements that are an improvement, too; for example, I actually really like Silver’s storyline in the official games and the fact we dealt with a character who actually stole pokemon and treated them poorly. 

That said, there is an awful lot to love in this ROM hack, and I’m grateful that we have it. Pangshi, Bellrun, Warwolf, Madame, Volbear and others may not be officially recognized by the Pokemon franchise . . . but they will always be very real in my heart.

The Team

Cinnamon (Flame Wheel/Crunch/Scary Face/Earthquake - Charcoal)

Selecting the starter was difficult, because both Honooguma’s line and Kurusu’s line appealed to me. Ultimately I think I went with my old Fire bias. Cinnamon was everything you’d expect a Fire starter to be-- powerful, intimidating, and very reliable. My only real complaint would be that I happened to strongly dislike the sprite the team had created for Dynabear. This isn’t really anyone’s fault, because the team did an excellent job with spriting-- for example, their sprite for the mid-evolution, Volbear, was incredibly good and I adored it to bits. I think it was just a matter of personal taste; I just didn’t like the final evolution’s face. (I’ve actually replaced the sprite in this picture with the original sprite, because I don’t want it to dampen my love for this species) Other than that, seriously, they did this evolution family justice. It was a joy to have on my team.

Doomsday (Curse/Confuse Ray/Body Slam/Shadow Ball - Power Wings)

The second member of my team was found in Brass Tower, to my great excitement: Kurstraw. This was possibly my favorite evolution line to come out of the beta discoveries. This pokemon’s stats were not exactly breaking any records; he went down pretty easily if I wasn’t careful. However, that never really mattered. Doomsday still did his job anyway-- pulling his weight just fine, relying on Confuse Ray and Curse a fair bit to take care of foes. He often was an excellent team player, messing with especially troubling pokemon before passing them over to an ally to finish off. His Normal Immunity also was a strong advantage at times, which I made sure to make use of. Basically, he was a fantastic companion, who helped me all the way through to the Elites and Champion fights.

Rumtum (Slash/Thunder Wave/Thunderbolt/Crunch - Leftovers)

Along with a Rinrin, this round good boy was added to the team next. I was slightly wary of Kotora because it seemed to be one of the most popular beta pokemon among fans. But, the pokemon does seem to be worthy of praise, as it turns out. It is an excellent, cute, cheery little creature and seems to do Pikachu’s job just as nicely as Pikachu, both in fighting and in charisma. Where Pikachu is focused more on speed, though, Kotora and its evolution focus a little more on bulk. The tanky tiger was able to take hits long enough to outlast the competition, even when working with relatively low basepower moves. When he *finally* learned Thunderbolt, though, man, look out -- he was quite a force to reckon with.

It’s funny, actually. When I first saw this tubby tiger, I assumed it was a fire type. Electric was somewhat surprising, but I quickly grew to like it as that typing. Most electric type pokemon are rodent-focused, as Pikachu clones, or Magnemite’s kin. Having a big, bulky tiger is unexpected for the archtype of electric pokemon, but it’s a very refreshing change.

Poprocks (Fire Blast/Surf/Body Slam/Flame Wheel - Mystic Water)

Next on the team was this awesome fellow. Well . . . sort of. Technically, next on the team was TRICKY the Bomsheal, which I traded a Rinrin for with an NPC. Later on, I felt like being able to name the pokemon myself, so I bred Tricky with Cinnamon and trained Poprocks up from scratch. This seal was the cause of some angst for me. I loved Manboo’s evolutionary line a lot, but I also loved the fire seal. They both vyed for the position of the water type on my team. For a while, I used Manboo (and Anchorage) . . . intent on keeping it. But I missed the seal so much, eventually I went back for it to retrieve it from the PC. Yes, it only added to my team’s Rock/Ground weakness, but I didn’t care. I loved this guy too much.

I’m not sure what it is. The freaking amazing typing of Fire/Water? That was definitely a big part of it. But there’s also just something so appealing in its design, simple as it may be. He’s just a cool seal with a fireball. And boy . . . I sure learned how INTENSE its stats were. This seal was RIPPING through the competition. Using it was basically pushing the win button. Honestly it might need to be nerfed a little, it was nuts. But yeah, Bomsheal is a badass and doesn’t need any evolutions to be cool. Best surfer ever!

Darkwing (Slash/Fly/Swords Dance/Faint Attack - Stick)

Right around when I was handed the TM for Fly, I ran into an area that had two types of birds available, depending on the time of day: Hoothoot at night, Farfetch’d at day. As cool as beta Noctowl looks, I eventually decided I needed to have a Madame. I just had to. Like many others, I always, always felt Farfetch’d deserved an evolution and was kind of screwed over. Learning it used to have one was a revelation.

Madame on this team was kind of funny, though. Next to all of these exotic beta pokemon, Madame seemed so . . . normal. She had moves and performed pretty much the way you’d expect a Normal/Flying type to act. It was much like using a Pidgeotto or Fearow. She couldn’t take many hits but usually could take out one pokemon. Her typing had her as an ideal Generalist pokemon-- something that could be used in various situations, not to any amazing effect but usually to a passable one.

That may sound a little underwhelming to you, but honestly, it’s what you’d expect of this cool-looking swan; it’s a Normal/Flying type. It fills that archtype as a familiar, dependable generalist. And I am someone who can really appreciate a generalist pokemon. I think the pokemon world’s richer for having Madame in it, even if only in our dreams.

Alpha (Strength/Blizzard/Screech/Ice Punch - Nevermeltice)

The final member of our illustrious team. You have to wait until fairly late into the game, when you reach the snowy towns, to get a hold of one of these fellows.But the wait is well worth it. What a beautiful pokemon design these two are-- mysterious little creatures hiding inside their wolf pelts, a perfect mix of cute and creepy. Wolfman/Warwolf actually struggled for quite some time on my team, unfortunately, just because of its movepool. I was left with the very weak Icy Wind for a long time. To compensate, I taught Strength, which worked somewhat, but I could still tell Warwolf wasn’t reaching its full potential. I taught it Blizzard, but the poor pokemon had a rough time ever landing its hits. What I SHOULD have done from the start is buy and teach it Ice Punch for a reliable STAB move with decent base power. I FINALLY decided to do that around the time I reached the Elite 4. I kind of had to-- its learnset wasn’t providing it with reliable, decent Ice moves, for some reason. Once Warwolf was properly equipped, he did great work. Admittedly, a pure Ice type pokemon isn’t the best, defensively. They have four weaknesses to some very common move types-- Rock, Fighting, Fire. (Steel moves weren’t really implemented in this game). That said, when used wisely, a pure Ice type can still be a valuable team member.

There was one hitch, though. Warwolf was mainly a physical fighter. This makes sense if you look at him. Of course he’d be a physical fighter. Thing is, in gen 2, Ice moves were all special. So I suppose technically Warwolf still isn’t hitting at his full potential-- not until the special/physical split in gen 4 so he can take true advantage of physical-type Ice moves. Still, despite that fact, he did a great job anyway. He landed the final blow that defeated Lance and won the game, after all.

I think my only real regret is how relatively little time I spent with him when compared to the others. This is, of course, just the nature of the game; you find some pokemon later on when you’re nearing the end of the game. If there’s any sort of post-game, perhaps I can spend more time with him.

And the Ones Who Didn’t Make the Cut . . .(This Time)

There were so many beta pokemon that it was impossible to have them all on the team, of course. I was especially sad about leaving my Bellrun, Tibbs, behind. I adore Rinrin and Bellrun’s line, as yet another set of pokemon that should have been included in the final cut of the official games. Alas, ultimately I removed Tibbs from my team, though. The reason was simple enough. With the beta Type alignments, Dark type was heavily disadvantaged. It was weak to Normal-type and Dark-type moves (as well as Bug), which was extremely significant. Pokemon’s movepools were positively saturated with Normal and Dark type moves, and it was impossible to avoid. With her already weak stats, and her lack of any decent basepower moves for so long, there was just too much stacked against her. It’s my hope that Rinrin/Bellrun get a bit of a buff in future updates, because they really seem to struggle. 

In any case, there were also plenty of others not on my team: Aquarius, Noctowl, Belmitt, Jumpluff, Turban, Plux, Grotess, Girafarig, Leafeon . . . and so many more. Honestly, that’s fantastic. It gives such replayability to the game. I have no doubt I will return to do more runs and get the chance to try out other pokes.

And, who knows? Maybe in the future they’ll even update this hack to include even more beta pokemon that were uncovered last year. If they don’t, I’m sure someone else will.  

(This hack is largely the work of lvl_3, who created ‘Pokemon Super Gold 97.’ Then, the hack was further changed and refined by a team into ‘Pokemon Gold and Silver 97: Reforged.’ Both can be found at the PokeCommunity as patches.)

[skamamoroma]

Skam Italia S4: The Hide and Seek Scene

I was asked to write about my favourite scenes from Skam Italia s4 and this one specifically first which is a risk because, so far, I haven’t been able to watch it without crying, to the point where I am 100% sure the music is emotionally coded or I have eventually gone mad.

Anyway, this post was inevitable because if you know me, you know I adore Marti and Nico so much and have written long posts all those months ago that, I guess, this had to be done! And it’s long but it’s me, it was never going to be short! (I type fast)

Before I go through the song... at this point in the season, it’s kind of heartbreaking watching Nico sit there and look at Marti with so much longing and emotion. You can tell he misses him desperately. And Marti? Ah my favourite idiot. We KNOW how upset he is. I think at this point, he is telling himself he’s fine and that he’s drawing a line and he hasn’t got anything left to say to Nico… mainly out of sheer stubbornness. Nico’s lies and the way he tried to hide things clearly hurt and frightened him, triggering worries of loss and being left behind, of not being good enough, of Nico’s past changing what they have, of Nico’s past actions with Maddalena being something that could happen again. Neither of them are NOT understandable. I look at them both and I see the foundation they built back when they first got together and how that can only have strengthened immeasurably because of how long they’ve been together… I am reminded that the look in Nico’s eyes spells out what he told Marti on that balcony - “i’m thinking about the fact that I’m in love with you and I’ve never felt this way before”. Marti isn’t a stop gap or a second best because he couldn’t have Luai… Marti is hugely important to him. Nico adores him and not only that, adores him FOR who Marti is. I think it’s that basis that didn’t once make me feel anxious when episode 7 arrived. I feel I know these characters and their hearts. We know Marti’s so well and know that when he loves you, you’re his family. We know he considers Nico to be that… he left his father and step family behind, reconciling his past anger and walked away towards those he considers his family: his mamma, Gio/Luchino/Elia and Nico… he chose them and he specifically walked towards Nico with so much honesty to tell him he was by his side. The idea that ANY of that could be disrupted and that Nico perhaps isn’t who he thought he was… “somebody that I used to know” - not only an amazing song choice for Nico/Luai but also for Marti/Nico. Marti’s face screamed “I don’t know all of you” when he realised Nico’s past had been hidden from him. Marti’s fear of losing Nico caused him to cut and run and he effectively broke his own heart… but at the same time, Nico didn’t help himself. By trying to do the right thing, he made it worse and I think the bottom line is that eventually Marti felt left behind, felt that Nico’s extended secrecy and lies were a reflection of their relationship…

But he didn’t have all of the facts and his own fear and freak out meant he wasn’t seeing clearly. We know Nico loves Marti with his whole heart not only because he told us but because of that comfort they give off as a couple… it’s just a FACT. 

And this is where this clip makes me weepy. Because we know Nico’s past now. We know 3 pretty important things

Nico always felt spoken for and lost in his relationship with Maddalena. He wasn’t trusted, was spoken over, was belitted at times and felt he lost his voice. He was subject to all of that but put up with it. She wasn’t a bad person… their relationship just wasn’t healthy. His extended Last Man metaphor was his own way to ‘escape’ and be with Marti, someone who made him feel safe and listened to and cared for. Marti is his safe space.

Luai wasn’t just a mistaken kiss. He meant something. He may not have meant what Marti means or even close to it but that doesn’t matter. He was SOMETHING and if Nico’s eyes and smile in the piano video are any clue, Nico was so fond of him. That became dark and upsetting and ultimately damaging for both of them and poor Luai. Poor poor soul. Poor Nico for having that so cruelly removed from him, perhaps wondering if he was to blame or if he’d stayed away all would have been fine. It makes sense now why Nico was so unwilling for Marti to see the real him, to give in to what he felt with Marti because, ultimately, Nico internalises. His worries must have been overwhelming. He must have feared that history would repeat or that somehow HE was the one who was toxic… which we know is so untrue. 

By meeting Marti, Nico suddenly has this whole group of lovely, fun, ridiculous, warm and inclusive friends who show so much love and support. It is SO TELLING that Nico is still there at Silvia’s birthday party. Nico is NOT simply Marti’s boyfriend. He is a part of their group and they care about him so much too.

Knowing those 3 things is why the song that Ludo chose will FOREVER make me cry the second I hear the words. How he found a song SO perfect for Nico’s story is astounding to me. Every lyric works and I think the only way to talk about this scene is to track it with the lyrics… I suggest listening to it as you read (if you’ve even got this far because IT IS JUST SO PRETTY). 

This scene is, if nothing else, a moment to honour Nico as a character and his relationship with Marti and I swear I’ll never be over it. 

I lived my life alone before you

We see Nico alone with his eyes closed. The idea that we KNOW Nico felt alone before he met Marti. He told him he felt alone in his head, in a crowd and alone with people he loved. Marti changed that. 

And with those that I’d never succeeded to love

Maddalena. Luai. Neither of them worked out. The first being unhealthy and damaging and the second being a tentative step into a hopeful romance which resulted in trauma.

But we know Nico is someone with a huge heart. He still wants to love and be loved in return… but he feared it so much because of his mental illness but also, we now understand, because of what happened to Luai

And I grew so accustomed to that kind of solitude

We saw he had. He told us that when he and Marti were in his bed. He lives his life feeling alone… so much so that the thought of being the Last Man frightened him so much.

I fought you, I did not know how to give it up

Well, even writing that made me cry. We WATCHED him fight his feelings for Marti. His own worries and fears making his route to falling for Marti full of bumps in the road. He felt unworthy and frightened… and yet he still couldn’t give Marti up. Time and time again he fought his way back to Marti - Halloween, Bracciano, by his plan for the apocalypse, on the balcony when Marti came out of the twinkle lights and then finally accepting to live life minute by minute despite his fear. 

Before you, had I ever known love or had I only known misuse of the power another had over me? The power another had over me.

Oh. This line. This is the one that gets me. Full on tears. The fact that Nico, as a lovely kind gentle creative beautiful soul knew more pain than most his age by the time he met Marti. Not only did it come from parents and a girlfriend who failed to listen to him, who always decided his feelings for him, his battle with his mental illness causing him to feel shame and as if he couldn’t be loved and listened to as Nico and not a product of his mind. As Stefano Benni and La Giraffa helped him find strength that he could know real feelings despite his brain being poorly, he kept trying and fighting. 

He watched a boy he liked, Luai, subject to significant mistreatment and trauma and no doubt partially blamed himself… never received closure for that and was left with clear scars from it

“Had i ever known love or had I only known misuse” - those words are so emotional for me. Had he? I don’t know if he had. It makes what he found with Marti so fundamental and meaningful. How safe Marti must have made him feel. No WONDER he tried to hard to cling on. 

I crossed the country and I carried no key, couldn’t I look up at the stars from anywhere?  And sometimes I did, I felt ancient but I still sought peace and it never came to me

I heard this and immediately thought of his mental health and also his path through his struggles. That idea of ENDURING and going through so much… never being able to see the stars or a way out. That overwhelming shame. That feeling of being weary and exhausted. The fact that he DID always keep going, always seeking peace and comfort and contentment but “it never came”….

They often spoke as thought I had been set free, but I travelled only in service of my dreams. I stood before them all, I was a sleepwalker

AH. Oh god this song. Every line, man. The idea that Nico has had people who have told him how to behave or have caused him to question his own mind… the fact he must have been told time and time again that he’s getting better or that he’s being monitored… but he chose to keep going if anything, for his passions. We KNOW he is a renaissance guy, a creative quirky soul. He plays piano and draws and sculpts and is a lover of film and the arts as a whole. All of that makes him deeply passionate and he uses it to help him, often to cope. But the idea of being a sleepwalker… the idea that he walked through life half asleep a lot of the time because of his past experiences even in the face of those who told him they cared.

Couldn’t hold my misery down, not even for you. 

Nico can’t change who he is. He was never able to and nor should he. But he felt he wasn’t good enough for Marti. Meeting Marti made him want to change… but ultimately he realised that meeting Marti meant the opposite. He didn’t need to, he was loved as he is. 

But I long for you now even when you just leave the room

OH my. Tears again. We have just watched him stare at Marti across the room with so much love in his eyes, so much longing for his best friend, his love. Not having Marti must hurt and hurt badly.

And of all of the roads and cities that I passed through, of all of the eyes I have searched inside, the one sense of permanence that I came to feel was mine, only beneath your gaze

FUCK ME. Haha. That last line. Marti is his person. Of all of the things he has experienced, the people he has encountered and tried to love or tried to make connections with, none of them worked out and never once did he feelable to be himself entirely… until Marti. Beneath Marti’s gaze, he could feel that sense of permanence… he could see and be himself. 

I can’t even tell you how stunned I am at this song and how truly PERFECT it is for Nico… but that this last line… the fact the song tracks Nico through the house alone and ends with him finding Marti makes me want to weep into a cushion! 

The fact he’s helped by those who also love him. They orchestrated this because Nico means something to them and so does Marti. They want them to be happy and he’s helped to find his way back to Marti by true friends. 

The thing that CANNOT be ignored is that this whole thing happens because of Gio. Of COURSE it does. He spends this season trying to keep peace: with the girls, Nico/Marti and with Marti/la rosa squad. His heart is enormous and he just likes people to get along. My dude, how I love him.

As for the way the clip unfolds and the specifics, I love that it is the boys only who point Nico in the right direction. It had to be them. Gio being the one to lock the door. Gio’s smiles as he does it. It is SO reminiscent of the fact Gio left the cabin in Bracciano for them. He’s always there for Marti but that also means he’s there for Nico too and he won’t allow them to be unhappy. 

I can’t handle how small Nico look, how cuddly in his sweater with his tumbly curls. He’s just the most endearing. The warmth of the lighting and of the house is a classic Skam Italia thing and is, as ever, like a comfort blanket.

The fact that Marti is under the bed makes me laugh with Nico having to bend down to see him… not to mention the “bastardi”. Oh my sweet idiot boy. He was never going to be able to get away with his self destruction and stubbornness forever and his boys won’t let him. I love that it’s so Marti. The whole exchange is so in character… Marti’s “I can jump out of the window” is his ever sarcastic self at play and I adore him for it and so does Nico because in the face of everything, Nico laughs. There’s just this overwhelming send of comfort and sweetness, I can’t explain it.

The fact that Nico asks “can I come closer?”. The softness of his voice, the way he ASKS and doesn’t just do it, the way he KNOWS he must go to Marti and that Marti’s stubbornness is fierce but also that he fell in love with Martino Rametta… he needs to spell things out for Marti and let him know what he wants. 

What is also REALLY sweet is that it’s kind of Gio AND Elia who stand at the front of the door with Elia looking to Gio and celebrating their little trick. Their unspoken words and communications throughout Nico and Marti’s story was fundamental and we see it again. The characterisation is just so unbelievably consistent and meaningful. Their little high five at the end is adorable.

The fact they’re all outside, all hopeful and full of love for both boys is so heartwarming. I can’t! 

I also LOVE the way Filo is there cuddled into Gio’s arm. THE SWEETNESS. Everyone must love cuddles from Gio. But Filo being a part of it is just PERFECT as he’s fundamental to them both too. 

Then the ending being so so so sweet with Sana being so filled with love for her friends and for Marti and Nico that she uses that to spur her on to make a big decisions of her own. How I adore and cherish this scene so very very much. 

I think their story in s4 carries on so well with so many ideas from s2, not just filling in the gaps about Nico’s past. It adds SO much to s2 and things we see, heard and experienced with both Nico and Marti.

The thing that most surprises me is that we are effectively handling an Evak couple “breaking up” in this season. Yes, it wasn’t a proper break up but still, in Evak terms that could be catastrophic. It isn’t and it wasn’t and I hold Ludo entirely responsible for the fan’s ability to understand and appreciate why he chose to test them. He didn’t allow them to become background mannequins, didn’t allow them to be unrealistically perfect, didn’t villainise either of them and made them both understandable. This would have, in other circumstances, caused a total fandom meltdown but all I’ve seen are insightful posts about why YES it hurt to see them upset and going through a rough time but NO it didn’t ruin them and, if anything, made them feel more real and more connected and determined to be better. The way Ludo  loves Marti and Nico is all over this season despite it being Sana’s and, for me, it never takes away from her story. All anyone wanted from the inclusion of Nico’s past was that he was gifted some focus to honour his experiences and Ludo tried in so many ways to give him that and… well, this scene, to me, is a gift for Nico as a character.

If you got this far then GOD BLESS YOU but it is a testament to Ludo that I can always write damn essays on his work. I am so grateful to him for finding a moment in Sana’s season to do this and for it to mean SO MUCH despite it being so simple.

[keishins-ukai]

I Just Wanna Be Your Favourite Boy

(here’s a link if you prefer reading on ao3)

The amount of alcohol flowing in Kuroo’s veins was not enough to distract him from how pathetic all of this truly was . He was at his first University party, he was surrounded by beautiful people and free alcohol, he should be having the time of his life, right? Tetsurō sat in his friend’s garden with his back resting against the cold brick of the house, his head resting there too. His arms were balanced on his pulled-up knees, his eyes closed.

To any party-goers that ventured outside this would look normal, like the first year partied too hard and passed out super early – it's not like that kind of thing doesn’t happen all the time. Then they’d notice the earbuds still in his ears (though they weren’t playing anything, he just didn’t want to speak to anyone), the dry tear tracks down his cheeks, the ever so slight shaking of his chin. Well, that or the glitter-like sparkle that seemed to be all around the black-haired boy

Tears had become a very common part of Tetsurō’s life recently, a fact he hated with every fibre of his being. Six months ago, you would need the saddest song on earth put in the background of the saddest video on earth and he might have considered crying. Now all it took now was the thought of blond and black hair, golden eyes, mint vodka that smelled like his shampoo…

The stars hadn’t appeared until his first day of university. He had texted Kenma when he’d woken up - Kuroo always texted as soon as he woke up – some dumb chemistry joke he’d found the night before, trying to convey his excitement at finally starting his course. Kenma never usually replied immediately, though this day he did, though Kuroo didn’t actually know why (Kuroo would look back and see it as the first sign. Kenma told him everything)

Kenma had only sent a gif of a cat showing almost complete apathy, but Kuroo’s heart started racing nonetheless, mind spiralling at all of the possible meanings behind the response and never once landing on the real answer (Kenma just woke up earlier than normal). They’d texted a lot of the day, Kuroo only turning his phone off during classes, not wanting to make any bad impressions.

While it obviously hadn’t been the reason, in the following months Kuroo had started to blame turning his phone off as the inciting event as when he turned his phone on he got the notification, the moment that changed everything. It was so small, so seemingly inconsequential.

Instagram: Kodzuken has posted a photo

Kenma’s Instagram consisted mainly of photos from games he was playing, purposely unflattering pictures of himself or animals. But that day was different. He posted a picture of him and Hinata, and the orange-haired boy was positively grinning into the camera, Kenma wasn’t even smiling but Kuroo could tell he was happy, that he was less stressed than he had been for a lot of the summer.

Kuroo knew that what he told himself was unfair, that there simply wasn’t enough data to support the idea of ‘he likes Shōyō more’. But none of that mattered, Kuroo just knew. He didn’t need evidence to prove that Kenma had feelings for the shrimp, the ever so slight dimple was proof enough – even Kuroo had only seen that dimple once, and he wasn’t the one who bought it out.

Crying in the men’s bathroom, as it turns out, is neither very comfortable nor as discreet as one would imagine, though that didn’t matter to Tetsuro as the itching and burning sensation was the only thing he could think about. ‘What the hell is this?’ repeated in his mind as he did his best to stop the small glass-like crystals from falling to the floor and creating even more noise. After spending what felt like an eternity researching what could possibly in all hell be happening to him he moved, hating the quiet twinkling sounds in his pocket.

‘Of course this would happen to me.’ Kuroo would think to himself repeatedly over the next few days ‘Star fucking tears’.

-

Stars Tears

Caused by intense but unrequited love, always romantic, ‘star tears’ is a rare condition wherein the afflicted will secrete small crystalline shards from their tear ducts, the crystals often being compared to stars which is where the illness got its name. Side effects from stage two ‘star tears’ can include

-          Leaking tear ducts

-          Dryness of the eyeballs

-          Itchiness in the eye area

-          Blocked tear ducts

And in some extreme cases

-          Partial or complete colour blindness

-          Partial or complete sight loss.

As the disease is caused by unrequited love there is no ‘mainstream’ treatment which can cure this, some patients never being cured while others were reportedly healed if the person they loved also loved them back, in a romantic sense.

-

Even though he was aware of how bad an idea it was, Kuroo remained sat in his friend's garden, though now his earphones were playing something. More specifically he had his ‘Kenma’ playlist on which was playing all of the songs and bands that the shorter boy had ever introduced him to. They were playing at full volume to drown out his own thoughts - the ones nibbling on his mind, making him think of lazy nights playing ‘Majora’s Mask’ with him , of the nights leading up to Christmas making their cinnamon and raisin cookies, of the toothbrush that had been Kuroo’s spare but that he’d stolen because of their frequent sleepovers.

He really didn’t want to cry again, having decided that his new rate of three times a week was far too much, but the stars demanded more still. In the beginning, they would only appear if he’d seen his face, whether it be over skype or as a photo. That had been remarkably easy to handle - Kuroo had just moved all of the photos of him to the ‘hidden’ folder on his phone, and minimise the skype screen when they talked. Easy.

But then Kuroo started to really miss him, started to think of him almost every moment of the day, affecting his sleep and work schedule. That’s when he realised how truly fucked he was. You can’t just pick and choose what parts of friendship you want to participate in and expect it to remain completely intact. Kenma didn’t know what was going on, but he could sense a change, making more of an effort to start their conversations, to not leave Kuroo out of what was going on his life, to make sure that the elder knew that they were still friends.

It was unfair how this made everything worse, that Kenma’s thoughtful inclusions made Kuroo feel more excluded than ever, made him feel both like he had a chance and also made him know that Kenma saw him as his closest friend and that he wouldn’t be more. Kenma had always worried with his crushes that initiating things with them would scare them off, that he would be seen as overbearing. Rather than risking anything, he would just wait until he thought the other would like him back before asking them on a date.

The tears started to increase, them coming at just the thought of Kenma when Kuroo hadn’t got any prevention methods. His most effective was to drown out any other noise with the sound of his own music, even investing in better earphones to ensure that he wouldn’t be hearing any other external noises. However, his playlist choice could definitely be improved upon since every voice, every chord, every bar had the Kenma Kozume seal of approval, making the task of not thinking about the boy almost impossible.

Not even twenty minutes alone and his mind wandered, going to almost every stop in Tetsurō’s brain before stopping at one that made his heart dance. If it were a book the edges would be folded, the spine broke, and some of the pages ripped just from the sheer amount of use.

“Stop looking at my ass!” Kenma had demanded, trying his best to wriggle away from Kuroo “This isn’t for you”. The blond wasn’t looking at him, trying to pretend that his attention was on the syringe in his hand.

“You’re the one who asked me to do this.” Kuroo reminds, reaching over for the injection. “And knowing I was coming over to do this you decided to wear trousers rather than shorts when all I need is your thigh, so…” Their eyes meet and the elder man winks.

Kenma’s face scrunches up in retaliation, fingers lingering for just a moment against Kuroo’s, placing the syringe gently in his hand. “What are you trying to suggest?”

He pretends to think for a second when he wipes a disinfectant wipe on his leg, knowing that he technically didn’t need to but also wanting to be as safe as possible. “That maybe you wanted me to see your ass?”

The youngers face calms into a neutral expression. “Dream on Tetsurō.” Despite being quite scared of needles, he had decided on having testosterone injections rather than pills or any other alternative, finding that needing to do injections more infrequently benefitted him more. He’d also figured that getting someone else to administer the injection would have negated his fear.

Kuroo had agreed, why would it be more difficult for an injection to occur when you’re not the one putting the needle in your skin? The answer; Kenma was a wriggler. He moved back on the bed every time that Tetsurō tried to move closer to him “Come on, kitten.” he chides, the pet name tacked on as a joke.

His only answer is a hiss, a literal fucking hiss, as Kenma tries to move his leg away again, but is caught by the ankle and pressed back down to the bed. Kuroo eventually managed to give Kenma his testosterone, despite the difficulty and found that when he went home there was only one thing on his mind. The hiss.

Most people who met Kenma Kozume thought he was polite, shy and awkward. And he was all of those things, but he was also so much more. He was funny, intuitive, self-assured and weird and Tetsurō loved that so much. As soon as he thought the word ‘love’, everything seemed to make sense. Every look that lasted too long, every thought replaced by one of Kenma, every feeling of longing to be with his best friend.

Tetsurō was in love with his partner in crime. He still is.

Rex Orange County is a band that frequently blasts on Kuroo’s phone, them having many songs that fit the themes of unrequited love so well that he had no choice but to really connect with their music. Though there was one song in particular that is constantly on his mind, the song being called ‘Best Friend’.

At some point in his reminiscing Kuroo had put on the song, immediately pressing the repeat button as he moved his head to stare into the night sky.

But no, it wasn't meant to be and see, I wasn't made for you

And you weren't made for me

When he was younger he’d wanted to be an astronomer, having found the stars and the moon fascinating, but he couldn’t stand the sight of them anymore. His hands were shaking, shoulders shaking, lip shaking. Maybe if he got some closure he could move on and get rid of this disease, finally feel whole again.

Love someone for loving you instead of someone really cool

That makes your heart melt

Tetsurō needed to turn this song off, to stop fucking thinking about him, about the man he had literal scientific proof that he doesn’t love him back, but the pure boost of serotonin he got when he thought about Kenma was worth it. It was worth the pain, it was worth the constantly itchy eyes, it was worth feeling sick to his stomach anytime he sees a twinkle.

Oh, I still wanna be your favourite boy

I wanna be the one that makes your day

The one you think about as you lie awake

He started typing the text before he could stop himself, feeling like he was watching himself make this extremely poor decision but having absolutely no power to stop himself. Even if it wouldn’t make Kenma love him it would be cathartic, right? And as long as he’s vague enough he could preserve their friendship, maybe even claim plausible deniability if necessary. The text read: ‘listening to this and thinking about you’ along with a link to Best Friend.

Kenma’s response was very short, only three words but enough to send his heart into a tailspin, for it to stop completely in its tracks, to make him feel like he’d never breathe again. ‘I’m dating Shōyō’

That night Kuroo lost the golden hue of his eyes.

--------------

A special thanks to @wanderlustsky for beta reading this! it was amazingly helpful <3

[mrs-evadne-cake]

Hey!! I love your fic. I was just wondering - and yes, i know it's unrealistic - if in an ideal, paradise world Stranger Things decided to go the stoncy route, how would you want them do do it? If you were in the writers' room how would you develop it in a convincing way that fits with the rest of the show? (I'm genuinely curious since you wrote them so well in IASL)

First, thank you so much! 

I mean, first and foremost I always want it to be a little bit of a mess since we’re dealing with a time and place where the word "polyamory" was not in circulation and there was no real poly community or overall awareness of polyamory as a way to be. They might be aware of free love in the ‘60s and the concept of swingers but mostly as far as they’re concerned they’re out here in ‘86 Indiana inventing the concept of a triad and it’s hard enough learning normal relationship skills as a teenager without adding unlearning socialized ideas about exclusivity and jealousy on top of that.

So let these idiots fuck it up a bunch, is what I’m saying. Bring on the return of Nancy ‘Say the Meanest Possible Thing to My Boyfriend(s)’ Wheeler.

How would I make it fit the show...man this would be easier if these three had shared a scene together for more than two minutes since S1. This is probably going to get long so more after the cut!

The show loves to trot out ‘shared trauma’ so in this perfect world they actually remember that it applies to Steve, too. So he’s dating around town but it’s not working out with anyone since it gets really, really awkward trying to explain to the girls he sleeps with why he shouts the name of an ice-cream shop during his nightmares without mentioning Russian spies ‘cause yeah, retail is hell but it’s a little excessive.

With Jonathan gone Nancy starts hanging around with Steve more often because she too remembers that he exists and went through all the same shit with them and that he ramming-speeded a Cadillac Eldorado into Billy Hargrove’s face to save her life, and her entire over-14 support system is gone. Steve thinks its a little unfair (and Robin thinks its a lot unfair) but he still cares about her so he goes along with it and Nancy is sort of surprised by how different he is from S1/Early S2 Steve.

Robin is like ‘Oh so you can lie on truth serum ‘cause you’re definitely still in love with her.’ which Steve vehemently denies. He’s just a good friend, buddy, pal. No romantic feelings at all.  

Jonathan is in Arizona or Illinois or friggin’ Derry, Maine knowing Joyce’s luck obviously very much missing Nancy. They talk on the phone and Nancy mentions that she’s been hanging out with Steve- now this could go either way the ‘Jonathan Byers is An Angel’ route where he’s okay with it right off the bat or the ‘Jonathan Byers remembers how he and Nancy got together the first time and tries to be okay with it because he is above petty normal people things like still being jealous of the ex-high school jock but can’t let it go and the two of them get into a fight. (where Nancy probably says the meanest possible thing to her boyfriend’ route. Obviously I choose the second one.

We get a scene of Jonathan getting worked up talking about it to Will who is like :/ bro, you are mentioning Steve A LOT in this conversation, aren’t you pissed at Nancy?  And Jonathan is taken aback because yeah, he is sort of obsessing about Steve.

Nancy also mentions the fight to Steve because Nancy is bad at this whole ‘don’t put your ex in awkward situations regarding your current relationship’ thing. Steve feels bad.

But before it gets resolved plot stuff kicks off and Joyce and Murray are off to ...sigh...fight evil Russians and free Hopper from a Soviet gulag. Jonathan and Will and El end up back in town however they do and we all wonder why they moved in the first place.

Jonathan, Nancy and Steve end up teamed up FINALLY (In this world Robin ends up on Team El, Max, and Kali because fuck everyone who hates her, Kali is here too and Max deserves her best friend, a big sister, and a tiny super-powered vigilante punk-rock aunt after what they did to her last season. They all kick Brenner’s ass like the last scene in Death Proof, the end) And at some point the boys end up separated from Nancy and try to make awkward conversation and Steve tries to assure him that he’s sorry and he would never get between him and Nancy and once he gets started apologizing he just sort of keeps going-  for all of High school, and if he ever ate his bagels in a really weird way, and for the fight and blaming him and Joyce for Will and calling him queer and the two have a real adult conversation where they bury the hatchet and move past high school.

And because I love the fanfic classics, that’s when a monster tries to eat them and Nancy saves them (bonus points if she uses the bat) and afterward they’re just like, ‘Fuck this town, why do we do this EVERY YEAR’  “I MOVED.’but they obviously realize that they make a really good team and actually enjoy each other’s company. The rest of their plot line has them growing increasingly comfortable with each other as they investigate whatever Nancy has dragged them along to investigate. Jonathan says he was wrong to be jealous and Nancy says of course he was because she’s always right because this is still Nancy motherfucking Wheeler and she will never not be that bitch. 

Monster stuff. The teams all come together. Hopper is back and the evil Russians defeated, yay. Robin is glad Steve is not dead and vice versa and Steve is like where did you pick up the hot punk-rock chick and did you get her number? And Robin is like long story and yes, why is Jonathan Byers looking at you with heart eyes? Which is information that overloads Steve’s brain and he’s almost glad when the series climax where they all fight a giant monster or a hole in the universe happens right then. 

No one dies, or fake dies, or maybe dies or maybe ends up in a Soviet gulag again.

Post- Climax wrap up where we actually see what everyone is doing that night directly after saving the world instead of flashing forward to months later and missing loads and loads of important character moments. After we’ go through everyone else Your Love By The Outfield starts playing because it’s 1986 now and I can FINALLY use it since it was released in ‘85. Steve goes home to (everyone say it with me) an empty house and he seems to debate with himself a little before calling Robin with a question. Nancy and Jonathan are together wherever the Byers’ and Hop are staying when the doorbell rings and it’s Steve who obviously immediately regrets this decision the minute they answer but they bring him inside and the music becomes diegetic as Jonathan puts on the record and closes the bedroom door behind them.

So apparently even in my perfect world where I’m in charge it sort of ends up mostly ramping up to stoncy than pure stoncy over one season. I’m pretty firmly of the opinion that the three of them just messing around in increasingly inclusive ways comes way before any actual poly negotiation or reflection or discussion on their respective sexuality and you can’t show that on PG-13 Netflix so we’re just crashing to black and credits.

 Thanks for the ask anon- sorry to make you wait, I knew this was going to be a monster of a post. And the fact that I just spent like, a hour and a half writing this has made me realize I might be in the mood to *actually* write again, so thanks! 

[kittenshift-17]

135. ‘Enough with the pillow talk, I’m tired.’ Severus and Hermione please :)

“I just don’t see why the reactor couldn’t be stabilised if we added powdered root of starthorn? It’s a perfectly acceptable stabiliser,” Hermione Granger asserted breathlessly, her mind running a mile a minute as she tried to unravel the problem at hand with the potion that kept exploding in her face. 

“Miss Granger, must you prattle so ceaselessly?” Severus Snape sighed, weary of her incessant chatter as she indefatigably persisted with her potions problem.

“Hmm?” she asked, turning to him and blinking owlishly.

He looked exhausted, she noted, frowning worriedly.

“Enough with the pillow talk,” he grumbled. “I’m tired.”

Hermione’s cheeks turned pink.

“Pillow talk?” she repeated, breathless now for another reason. 

In all the years she’d worked alongside him at the apothecary, never once had they stepped across that threshold between professional potioneers and something more. 

He huffed.

“What else would you call it after the climatic explosion you experienced just now?” he sneered, gesturing with one long finger to the mess littering their brewing lab - the result of her most recent potions mishap. 

“Well...” Hermione said, looking around guiltily and noting that the batch of Sleeping Draught he’d been brewing to sell at the shop was ruined - having turned a violent shade of pink thanks to the accidental inclusion of her exploded potion. 

Embarrassed, she cleared her throat and straightened her skirt, noting as she did so that the potion she’d exlpoded had eaten right through the fabric over her right thigh, baring the top of her stockings to his gaze.

“I apologize, Severus,” she offered quietly. “I will... cease my attempts to master this particular potion in our combined lab, here.”

He sighed and looked like he rather doubted it. 

“Starthorn would probably work to stabiliize the salamander blood reactor,” he told her gently. “But it would poison the drinker.”

“I... oh,” Hermione said, her eyes widening. “Bugger.”

In spite of his weariness, a smile threatened at the corners of his mouth and he huffed out a soft chuckle at her reply.

“I beleive it might be best to call it a day,” he told her, surprising her when he put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze before flicking his wand to vanish their potions and tidy the mess she’d caused. 

“I suppose you’re right,” Hermione sighed, glancing toward the clock on the wall and noting that it was well after midnight. Again. Time always got away from them when they were brewing. 

“Get some rest,” he told her gently. “Until tomorrow, Miss Granger.”

Hermione frowned as he headed for the door, noting that even now he walked with such silence but for the slight billow of his cloak.

“Severus?” she called softly before he could slip out of the lab and to the flat he called home above it.

He stopped, his back to her though she was certain he was listening closely to whatever she might have to say. 

“I wouldn’t be opposed to real pillow talk someday, if you were so inclined,” she admitted quietly, wondering if the fumes from her potion or the late hour had weakened her mind that she could state the truth of their situation so boldly.

In the fifteen years since the war had ended, life had not been kind to either survivor in that lab, but she had found solace working in the apothecary he had quietly opened on the corner of Knockturn and Diagon Alley. She had found solace in his company, too. For while half the world still imagined him a villain and the other half toted him a gallant hero, he was, at the end of the day, simply a rather unpleasant and lonely man with few friends, little patience, and an abundance of bitterness he carried with him everywhere he went. When the glory of vicotry wore away, Hermione had learned that young love was fleeting, and unpleasant memories were easier to forget through avoidance, and highschool friendships - even those that survived fierce battles and terrible wars - didn’t often survive into fully fledged adulthood. 

Severus Snape, for better or worse, was the one constant thing in her life that hadn’t changed in all the time she had known him. He had been a cruel and bitter man when he’d been her teacher at Hogwarts; he’d been a cruel and bitter man when they’d all beleived him naught but a Death Eater; and to this day he remained a cruel and bitter man who carved out a living on only his skill as a potion master, and little more. He was just as cutting a cruel when they brewed together for the shop as he had been when he’d instructed her at school. 

“It’s late, Miss Granger,” he replied quietly, without looking at her, though Hermione noted the way his shoulders tensed. “We’re both tired.”

Hermione suspected that was the only answer she would get on the subject, and that when tomorrow arrived, he would pretend she’d never mentioned it. 

“If you say so,” she sighed. “But my position on the matter won’t change.”

He put a hand to the doorframe that led to the backroom and the staircase to the upper level, his knuckles stark against the dark wood before slowly he turned to look at her.

“I am your employer, Miss Granger,” he reminded her. 

“You are,” Hermione nodded. 

“And before this, I was your teacher,” he continued.

“You were,” she agreed. 

“You understand, then, that continuing this conversation further would be inappropriate?” he finished, and that damnable eyebrow he loved to quirk to remind her of his mental superiority lifted in challenge.

“I fail to see how the three facts are related,” she countered quietly, holding his gaze steadily in a way she knew most people were too terrified to dare. “You were my teacher and you are my employer, but the fact remains that you and I have been carrying on this relationship well outside the parameters of employer and employee, or of teacher and student. And if I beleived that my perspective on this matter was skewed or incorrect, I’d have kept it to myself. But I’m not blind, or deaf, or idiotic, Severus, no matter what you might think of me.”

“Is that right?” he challenged.

“Yes,” Hermione said simply. “Now, if you wish to return to work tomorrow and speak nothing of the topic I will understand and refrain from mentioning it again, but it will not change the facts.”

“And what facts might those be, exactly?” he clarified, though from the hard glint in his eyes she was playing a dangerous game and ought to back down now or suffer the consequences.

“That if you were so inclined as to someday engage in pillow talk across the sheets from me I would not be opposed, and actually might be rather pleased about it,” Hermione said, raising her chin. “And that I don’t believe I’m alone in sometimes wishing that was already the case.”

“You don’t believe so?” he pushed, taking a step in her direction that really should’ve warned her that it was high time she just went home to bed, alone, like she usually did.

“If I’m mistaken, Severus, by all means, correct me,” Hermione said quietly. “But the truth is that I’m tired of this silly game we play where we dance around it and talk over it and stuff it away in dark corners where no one can see so that nothing will ever change in this place. If you actually imagine that any employee would put up with your foul temper and rude outbursts; that any normal employee would end up here with you until after midnight every other night, then I fear I might’ve warped your perspective of the workplace. Make no mistake, I do not weather your black moods and work hundreds of hours unpaid overtime for my health.”

“Then what are you doing here?” he challenged, and in that moment at the edge of his temper and the cusp of his scorn, she knew he wanted to wound her until she went away and couldn’t upset the bitter little world he’d built for himself here.

“Reveling in your company,” Hermione admitted quietly. “Taking solace in your companionship. Finding some manner of peace in your presence.”

“And yet, you seek to upset it by speaking this way,” he sneered, scowling at her.

“I seek to make myself known, Severus,” Hermione corrected him. “Difficult though I’m certain you believe it to be, I’ve grown quite fond of you these past ten years I’ve spent in your employ. At the end of each evening, I return home to my little flat and I might peruse a book or take a bath or fix an unsatisfying snack, or I might simply fall into bed. But it is all simply to pass the time until I can return here again the next morning where I know you will be waiting.”

She shrugged her shoulders rather helplessly and sighed before straightening her skirt and lifting her chin.

“In any case, I’ve said what I intended to say and so I will leave the matter with you to stew over, as I’ve no doubt you plan to do. If you have no interest in my offer, that’s perfectly alright and we shan’t mention it again. But if you do... well... you know where I’ll be.”

With that said, Hermione turned and walked across the lab and into the front room where the store was and where the fireplace was so that she might Floo home. He didn’t call after her or stop her, as she hoped he might, but then, Hermione had come to know Severus Snape very well over the course of her life and by now she knew that for all his towering temper, he wasn’t a rash or an impulsive man excepting instances of rage. And so she knew he would need time to think on what she’d said. He would need time to weigh it up in his mind and pick it apart until it made less sense than it did, and more sense than it perhaps should. It wouldn’t be tomorrow. It might not even be this week. In fact, it might not even be for several months that he might take her up on her offer of pillow talk and everything that ought to precede it, but that was okay. 

She’d said her piece, and now it would be up to him to decide if he wanted to risk this fragile yet comfortable thing they had cultivated by accepting her offer. The truth was, even if he didn’t, she couldn’t imagine herself going any place else. This was enough. This was home. And as she flooed back to her flat that felt less like a home than that shop did, Hermione could only hope the allure of anticipation; his curiosity at what she might utter amid pillow talk would be enough to tempt him into trying it, at least once.