#is it weird to post ur poetry on tumblr?

[khezia]

CW: mentions of blood, metions of self harm, also self deprecating talk, kind of gore? idk. i don’t really think so but ima be on the safe side!!!!

and suddenly i’m a little kid again.

scared and craving attention.

clawing at my skin, grasping at the blood

because at least it hugged me with some warmth.

suddenly, all at once, i believe nobody likes me and no one could ever want me

all the years of not wanting myself is starting to bleed from my brain into my eyes

it’s a deep dark red in my pupils and it paints my world

suddenly i don’t want the hug of my own insides

suddenly, all at once, all i want is two arms around me.

suddenly, and after all this time.

- um so guys ! i think there’s a reason dabi (and toga) is one of my fav characters😁

[hellwurld]

has it really been three whole years? has it only been three years?

or: how to miss something that never really leaves and how to know when something is dead or dying or sleeping. happy three year anniversary dream smp, i hope it was worth it.

david foster wallace, infinite jest (via tiktok) / tumblr replies, @goosekid / "cheater, cheater" twitter, @/mangobaii / tumblr, @hiveswap / tiktok comments, @/ashmanathletics / aeschylus: the oresteia, aeschylus / road to hell (reprise), hadestown

[moomeecore]

i think making fun of people for expressing themselves artistically in a fundamentally harmless way is really shitty actually and wish it wasn't such a popular thing to do on tumblr.com

[asclexe]

⭐️ government-forced blog intro post ⭐️

(new and improved!)

welcome to marvin’s marvelous mechanical museum!

🌟⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🌟

^ me if you even care..

art above by the one and only @pingunaa

remember 2 to do ur daily clicks for palestine

free everyone!! help some people in need!!!

fun websites masterlist

suicide hotlines

this could save your life!

kys /j <3 (KEEP YOURSELF SAFE /srs.)

hai!! hello!! hey!! what’s up!! basic info/fun stuff below the cut (very long intro soo sorry)

*flash/blink warning for the blinkies

name: asclexe formally? cameron causally, but call me whatever! no, seriously! idc! nicknames (ex: cam, ronnie, cammy, etc) are welcome! feel free to call me your pookie or your son or child or something, be creative!

⭐️gender and pronouns: i am uhhh. nonbinary i think. they/them preferred, but it/its or he/him are also fine!! i prefer gender neutral terms, but i also am more masc leaning. like im a man. but also just a person.

⭐️not specifying my age but im a minor. B cool!! internet safety!!

⭐️sexuality: aromantic asexual aplatonic lesbian dumbfuck

⭐️nationality/country: american fuck my stupid baka life (EST timezone)

⭐️ i am also white :/

⭐️star sign: leo :3

⭐️personality type: intj (also houses mtbi if u care)

⭐️religious alignment: atheist cause im god /j 💪💪

bigots and pedos/zoos are lame and not welcome. i bite scammers. exclusively nsfw/kink blogs not welcome. im a kid. ed blogs please do not follow me because im uncomfortable with that. also don’t expect a follow back if youre over 24 cus thats weirdd

also if ur a diehard stan of anything pls think :3

dni if you’re from earth or human. aliens only blog. /j

and everyone else is welcome :3

⭐️fandoms im most active in:

house md

doctor who (only on season 2!!)

good omens

warrior cats (on arc 5 but i don’t plan on reading them)

dungeon meshi

movies in general

+ any other fandoms i consume in the future!!

⭐️fandoms i rarely post abt but still enjoy

tbosas/the hunger games

dead poets society

six feet under

a series of unfortunate events

fnaf

she-ra/the owl house/steven universe/gravity falls/etc

bluey

barbie/monster high

doogie howser md

scott pilgrim

the amazing digital circus

the middle

stardew valley

the spiderverse

abbott elementary

aggretsuko

i will post abt my sims occasionally :3 most posts are text posts bc im untalented

*i’m looking to get into evangelion, supernatural, hannibal, saw, and dexter 👍

i write fanfiction and poetry (i take requests feel free to hmu), i do local theater, i make pride icons (also requests hmu) i drabble in the occasional doodle, and i like baking and watching youtube and scrolling through tumblr and walking through the forest and my neighborhood and making bracelets and spending money and laying on the floor and singing and dancing and being silly and reading medical textbooks and cool novels and hanging with my irls and idk, yeah! life! carpe diem!

*also i’m trying to get into reality shifting! (im not a freak i swear)

⭐️my fav music artists (a little all over the place:3) jack stauber, will wood, lemon demon, tally hall/miracle musical, dazey and the scouts, mommy long legs, the oozes, bear ghost, mitski, chappell roan, weezer, the smashing pumpkins, my chemical romance, laufey, liana flores, faye webster, MARINA, pearl & the oysters, queen, no doubt, slipknot, korn, mindless self indulgence, hole, some olivia rodrigo, charli xcx, some vocaloids,

i love pretty much all kinds of jazz, rock, and showtunes (except ballads. i dislike ballads)

my music taste can be described as like. neurodivergent weird kid alt rock and hot girl summer pop.

(music recs are very much welcome <33)

*taylor swift enjoyers follow at your own risk (i hate on her occasionally. i really dislike her music and she’s also not that great of a person)

random facts about me :3

⭐️i’m left-handed (bully me for it ik im a freak)

⭐️unfortunately a theater kid :/

⭐️tall for this website

⭐️the most insufferable and annoying person ever

⭐️DOESNT BITE!! (i swear)

⭐️ i’m genetically pitch perfect but i’m awful with rhythm

⭐️favorite planet is ur mom (i ❤️ venus)

⭐️honors roll baby 🔥🔥

⭐️im most likely neurodiverse?? undiagnosed but speculated

⭐️perpetually alone only child 😔 please talk to me i love chatting with people, asks and replies preferred, dms okay <33

⭐️favorite color green. all of the shades.

⭐️i haven’t cried properly in like a year and i am not breaking my mewing streak

⭐️minorly touch/attention starved :3

⭐️single & ready to mingle!! (please don’t fucking talk to me like that im aroace and a minor )

⭐️REBLOGGING MACHINE 💪💪

⭐️i’ve never seen an episode of spongebob but saw the musical

⭐️#1 BEST XBOX SIMMER 🔥🔥

⭐️im nicer than i seem (i’m also a very negative person in general but i keep my thoughts to myself!)

⭐️i have a massive sweet tooth :3

⭐️(new) tags guide!⭐️

*note this is a new system i’m trying out, some older posts do not apply

#asclexeposting - all original content

#camyyaps - unhinged text posts/late night eepy time posts/yapping in the tags

#cam touches grass - the rare times i go outside and touch grass and do stuff

#ask the fellows - relating to my ask blog (go follow it go do it its @ask-the-ducklings go ask stuff)

#me ask :3 - reblog of something i asked another blog

#mootie :3 - if we’re mutuals and you send me an ask i tag it with this :3

*you also get your own individual tag for asks, for example @pingunaa is ping :3 and @rubeslovesthesmiths is rubes :3, etc

#cammy’s 4 later tag :3 - stuff for later!!

#cam plays the sims :3 - my simming tag

old man doctor yaoi prompt list :3

my house md oc :3

⭐️side blogs!⭐️

@ask-the-ducklings - ask/roleplay blog 4 the house md duckligns

1/2 of @meanwhile-on-the-road, the other half is pookie @sillyhyperfixator

@house-md-referrer - house md references

@theindierockcafe - writing blog

this will be mostly reblogs of my silly mutuals/my fyp, i try to make original content often! I ❤️ REBLOGGING ART YOU SHOULD DO IT TOO!!!! hope we can get along! ask me whatever! i don’t know! be nice and respectful cause i’m a minor!

SPAM MY ASK BOX :3 create lore, send me images, ask for comfort, WHATEVER!!!! im friendly and ill answer your ask eventually.

disclaimer; i live in the us and a snowflake so im occasionally political, nothing too extreme im just scared 👍 i also don’t spoiler tag!! sorry!

if you want me to share your fundraiser; give me some time to verify you!!!! i promise im not ignoring you!!

blinkies made in the blinkie cafe :3

[porcelaincvnt666]

-ˋˏ✄┈intro🫀⋆·˚ ༘ *

hi <3 welcome 2 my blog , i'll post here like a journal, i'm just looking for somewhere to drop random thoughts and girlblogs i make. i'm veryvery not used 2 tumblr but i'm an avid pinterest user and i'll try 2 figure out things here

u can call me pj, i'm the number 1 celebrity skin girl, a lover of all art and the grotesque, and a h8er of blandness and the 2020s booooo, a PASSIONATE feminist and tormented and ill!

the weird girl with the bangs, red glasses, and dark enticing eyes 🖤

basic introductory details ﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤

my name is porcelain, but u can also call me pj [she/her] . not actually my real name but it's my online persona name since my name's unique and i have the largest irrational fear of any1 finding me on here. i just rlly love the word and the metaphors that can derive from it and its connections to art. also it connects 2 pj harvey and pj from bottoms (2023)

teenage grrrl

lesbian? idfk anymore it's complicated but I love love women very much and i can find men pretty but i don't know if I actually want to be with 1

cancer sun, scorpio moon & rising (i'm not a hardcore believer in astrology but i just think it's cool)

interestsﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤

in general, i just love art and creation like ur telling me we have access to all these beautiful forms of expression that show who u are as a human being that'll last longer than your own soul?? the three most important things to me are film, writing and music, but i also love visual art things like painting and drawing, as well as literature, fashion and sewing, makeup, and theatre.

some music artists i love 🎶;

hole, fiona apple, mitski, jack off jill, bikini kill, pj harvey, mazzy star, bratmobile, dazey and the scouts, amy winehouse, veruca salt, cocteau twins, lana del rey, radiohead, katie jane garside, nirvana, caviar noir, nicole dollaganger, strawberry switchblade, fleetwood mac, the cranberries, kate bush, tori amos, the smiths, björk, slowdive, my bloody valentine, the breeders, poison girlfriend, lesley gore, lunachicks, lebanon hanover, jeff buckley, garbage, janis joplin, ethel cain, babes in toyland, japanese breakfast, the dresden dolls, strange boutique, scary bitches, the cure, siouxsie and the banshees, and black box recorder

current favorite movies 🎬;

misc interests; sylvia plath, lipstick shades & eyeshadow palettes, anything red, human organs, calico critters, porcelain dolls, the nineties, alternative fashion + fashion from 20s-90s, aya takano, japanese literature, religious imagery, cannibalism, witchcraft, christina ricci, pen15, poetry, riot grrrl feminism, mark ryden, the sims, weird girl and manic pixie dream girl tropes, glee (embarassing), stardew valley, clone high (also embarassing), the moon, electric guitar, and niche weird accesories (jewelry and tights and shit like that)

hobbiesﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤

i like reading books, watching movies and listening to music. those are my main three of media consumption. i'm learning 2 play electric guitar ( i have a sick red one). i love to paint and i journal a lot. i want to get into jewelry making and sewing. i take walks for reconnecting with nature. i collect a lot of childish shit and also things related to my interests. i write poetry and i'm working on a book. i may or may not post about any of these.

things about my posts-

red + black is my personal dear favorite color combo

i like overusing little emojis and symbols because they feel like doodling in your journal

i have to elaborate on everything possible for some reason so i'm sorry for the big blocks of text

https://linktr.ee/porcelaincvnt666

started a blog because of depression, bpd, and maladaptive daydreaming killing me slowly, tired of everyone i know, and no place to share my thoughts with the world 2 find like-minded people and also to feel famous and universally loved by my target audience

current anons: 🥀 feel free 2 message me or ama!

looking 4 moots!

🫀🫀🫀

[brokenmachinemusings]

! ONLY FOLLOW ME IF UR JUST AS WEIRD (schizospec. dissociative. ya know the drill. or are generally respectful LOL) !

i am autisming over link click btw i dont take over peoples opinions lightly.💙 if this doesnt deter you feel free to still interact

felt like redoing our pinned. (esp since all the old hosts are dormant) so! we are a system who shitposts randomposts reblogs WHATEVER we barely tag our stuff except #text for our own. this turned into a kinda personal blog between all of us yaknow? [blog mostly runs on queue]

most of our posts are reblogged, followed by either complaining about our did or psychosis. sometimes even something else! wow!

you can still access our old pinned if you want but it’s not important

ehhh our collective pronouns are between he/it & they/it, the body uses he/it pronouns though. barely anyone interacts tho so not that important >_o

usually tag triggers as #[trigger] (without any extra cw/tw], but depending on the trigger we might tag every variation of cw/tw (some that might get tumblr flagged will be tagged with only the tw/cw variants… -> filter ‘tw suicide’ and/or ‘suicide tw’ to avoid those posts)

DNI; basic criteria, proship, radqueer, endogenic, harass people for no reason (including anyone in this criteria, obviously)

we wouuuuld redo our blinkes but dont feel like it rn.

by @/starboyuserboxes btw

anyway, some alter tags (+ prns if applicable) below:

#💙❤️ (i am a subsystem!!!!! which might mean the others might use this as well!!!!!) (he/him collectively)

#🌶️ (it/its)

#-rose😝 (hers mightve been a one-off tag though) (she/her)

#-s

#🌊azure (they/she/he in order of preference)

#-Z

#~cameron (just realized he posted.) (he/him)

#-sapphire💙 [he/they]

#🩷❤️ awesome to be here!!! don’t have any alternative name rn. she/they :)

#acheron he/it

#-till (he/him)

#-ga (they/he)

#thatbrokentimemachine - time machine for short. it/its. i have been in shadow for a while, and i talk in thoughts. i write, specifically in odd expressions - whether that is poetry or a story is up to you to decide.

#LAIN

[riacte]

🌱 inthelittlewood

“i love you martyn. if you’re still here” giggling kicking my feet screaming crying wailing 😭 😭😭

🟦 falsesymmetry

so you two really do live like this 😐

🌱 inthelittlewood

😔 well not my fault he doesn’t reply to me!

#can u do something about ur dog #please #im gonna die at the altar waiting for him to come #pleasee

44 notes

🟦 falsesymmetry

beautiful day on tumblr! 😜

🟦 falsesymmetry

is that a 50 word yearning drabble on my dash….

#deep sigh #its actually really weird seeing people pine for your weird neighbour #youre on tumblr writing poetry about being in love with him. im in his dms telling him to remove his overgrown plants. we are not the same

12 notes

🌱 inthelittlewood

nauuurrr oomf is offline… and i reblogged that post specifically to inflict maximum psychic damage on her

#treebark BLAST! 💥 💥 💥 💥

69 notes

idea: extremely shitty and ooc symmetree socmed fic in the style of those twitter socmed fics but it’s like “OOMF KNOWS MY CROOMF⁉️😟” and “scrolled past my dashboard and what a wonderful day to have eyes 😄🌈👍” and “Anonymous said: “Well I’m glad you’re cozying up with a certain dog 😕” dude just dm him #asks #martyn if you can send me an ask on anon you can open discord”

it has to be obnoxiously ooc or else it’s just. real life. but. yeah

[khezia]

cw: mentions of blood, self harm, and self deprecating talk, also kind of suicidal ideation

there is this everlasting pain in my being.

i feel it when i wake up

i definitely feel it when i am falling asleep

i feel it in my dry eyes that cry impossible tears

salty water heavy on my face

does nothing to soothe my aching bones

there is this hollow in my soul

i feel it in the empty arms that hug me

the pain when i do not bleed

the awkwardness when someone calls out to God in my name

am i not comfortable in my skin because i have yet to grow into it or because i have let it be everyone else’s before my own?

maybe it’s because i have a deep, burning hatred for it

it is the yearning to break my mirror because i despise what looks back at me but the fear of the seven years after

it is the desperate clawing at my skin until it gives way like a scratch ticket

i never win

it is craving to make a self portrait but not being able to stand to look at myself

i am my mothers failure, and in turn my own

it is feeling better when i am ripped open physically

but cowering like a wounded animal when someone figures me out

it is closing my eyes so i do not see what will come for me

but the darkness leaves me alone with myself

i open my eyes to run

but i am so tired.

i am tired of running.

i am broken and desperate and depressed

i am in pain and i am hollow

i am human

and i wish i wasn’t

not to avoid emotions

but to avoid life.

find a cure to the oxygen entering my lungs

so they can leave me to rest in my coffin.

i am tired.

all i do is sleep.

[dykeomania]

.   .   .   homegirl.

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭: just saw ur post and welcome to tumblr lol :)) can i request an ellie x reader where they both confess that they love each other? i mean they were best friends at first and there will be a lot of gay panic and embarrasment lmaooo before they confess, just a huge fluff

𝐚/𝐧: babe wake up thelastoflesbians posted their first fic. anywayssss kinda nervous uhhh mixed emotions about this but for the most part i’m pretty like... i’m ?! satisfied. took me about a month to write because i literally could not figure out for the life of me what i wanted to do with this fic, but it’s finally done and i actually kind of enjoy how it turned out all things considered, so. i hope that u enjoy it!!!!!! ummmmmm!!!! first time actually writing like a fluffy moment, my smut is usually a lot more physically descriptive for . obvious . Reasons but yeah ok phew ok um yes read it and tell me if you like it (please im like actually shitting)

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fluff. fluff fluff fluff is the big thing here; lots of gay yearning and longing and “girlfriend or girl that’s a friend” type of vibe. implied smut (it’s implied/explicitly stated that you and ellie have hooked up but there’s no actual smut), cussing, drug use (weed), you and ellie being ridiculously awkward for like 500+ words it’s actually ridiculous. little bit of sexual tension tbh. bad extended metaphors (i used to write poetry and it shows in my fic writing leave me alone). i proofread this three times but i’m also blind so some shit may sound weird 

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.2k.. slay

.   .   .   .   

there are some people who you would do mostly anything for. maria, who took you in. tommy, who has been nothing but kind to you. other friends, other family. and then there’s ellie.

girlhood came quick – unsightly and unprecedented -– and when ellie made the sound, sworn pact of best-friendship with you at the age of sixteen, you weren’t expecting it to become so serious. a bond originally mended from a mutual interest in comic books and backpack pins and video games and of each other’s faces – it felt only casual, like something that would age with time. but you made homes out of each other. at first it was just mere occupancy. i really like being around you. and then it was work. it was snipping through each other’s secrets and traumas, and patching all the holes punched in the walls. it was slow dancing under a roof far from perfected, and dampening each other’s shoulders in the gentle glow of fairy lights. it was stitching each other’s wounds, giving stories to each other’s scars. it was laying beside each other in an unmade bed. and there, under canopies of sheets and sighs, it was teaching each other how to kiss, how to give back. how to do it for yourselves, but most importantly, how to do it together.

when ellie looked you in the face and told you “i would do anything for you,” you were terrified because you knew that she meant it, but you squeezed her hand because you meant it tenfold.

you said, “i adore you.”

she said, “i love you,”

and then you woke up.

.   .   .   .

it was the day after ellie’s nineteenth birthday.

the breeze kisses down the sweat-lined trail of your spine cord and the shudder it ushers from you is like a push, headfirst, into all of your senses. you wince and your hands scrunch at the sheets, and it’s sudden, but you almost immediately still. you are awake enough to realize that these sheets – as damp as they are – are not yours. this mattress is too firm. this room is too dark. at first panic comes quick, not barraging per se, but tying your stomach in a knot that renders you uneasy. you investigate -- slightly frantic -- hands searching for just about anything until someone shuffles beside you, and you still. your eyes squint at the back of an auburn bun and a feeling begins to settle in your stomach.

this is ellie’s room.

beside you, ellie is asleep. the trailed spotted canyon separates both ends of her back, and it’s on full display to you.

she was presumably naked.

and so were you.

.   .   .   .   

you didn’t talk to her after, but you couldn’t avoid her forever.

hell took the form of a cafeteria serving line where she stood beside you, staring at your neck in a manner you had to fight not to give attention to. and you knew it was cruel, but honestly, you didn’t know what to say. voice your shock at her not talking to you sooner? showing that you cared in this instance felt forbidden. like it would be a dead giveaway, of which you wouldn’t be able to afford, as remarkably stupid as that was.

apparently, you weren’t trying hard enough, since you could see that ellie was trying to do the same as you, and yet failing miserably. her eyes scanned the side of your face; waiting. longing – for anything, really. for a second, you couldn’t see her and that was when she gained the most courage. ellie’s eyes scaled the ground as she refilled her lungs, and then she tried, throwing herself into the pool of sharks with a single step in your general direction, “hey.”

your head whips around, but something falling along the line of shock backs your voice. “hi..?”

“i haven’t uh, i haven’t seen you. like at all.” “yeah.” you nodded, “yeah, i’m sorry i’ve just – i’ve just been busy lately–”

“no it’s totally fine, i get it, i was just – y’know, i was just wondering where you .. were.” ellie nearly burns herself trying to spoon mashed potatoes onto her plate. it’s not exactly one of those things that you can’t make obvious. she wanted to die.

be cool, be cool you tell yourself. “i mean.. it’s only been a week.” you roll your eyes with some effort of a laugh, but holy shit, you probably looked so stupid. you immediately rushed to compensate for it. “but uh, how’ve you been?” you see ellie’s eyebrows raise as she peeks at you. small talk? she thought. unironically? fucking, seriously? “uh..” a breathy chuckle left her lips. “i’m.. okay. you?”

“yeah, i’m fine. i’ve just been–” “busy, huh.” “yeah, yeah.. well you just, said it for me, so.” you begun counting the ways in which you could conveniently die in this moment. there were none that you could think of. you wanted to slide down a wall.

as the end of the line grew near, you couldn’t tell what emotions were bubbling in your stomach. a desire to run was obvious, but something about leaving the conversation unfinished left it curdling. your heart pounded against your ribs, and you swallowed every urge that you had not to look at her. but that didn’t stop you from slowing down, from putting the tiniest spoonfuls of broccoli on your plate, just in case. maybe if she, perhaps, if it wouldn’t be a bother… please. please just talk to me.

“hey, so, remember uh, a couple nights ago–” ellie spoke and you, briefly, felt your stomach drop into your ass and your innards beginning to protrude through every hole on your body, until she finished her sentence “--when we were talking about like.. i don’t know, weed. and you said you’d never smoked and like, you wanted to. well dina and i just got a bunch and i can’t really smoke it all on my own, so like.. i was wondering like, if maybe you wanted to... come over later…” ellie’s throat was pulsing in the base of her chest, begging, literally pleading for you to say yes. dying. on its knees. please for the love of fucking christ–

there are some people who you would do anything for, and then there’s ellie. ellie, who would give her rib for your wellbeing, and expect nothing in return. ellie, who is your best friend. ellie, who you hooked up with. ellie, who you have kissed. ellie, who is the only one in notable existence who you would have done either of those things with. ellie, who at the end of the day regardless of how hard you try to hide it, you have missed amidst all of your confusion, and who you just want to be around.

“uh.. yeah. sure, why not?”

it didn’t seem like ellie was expecting you to say yes, let alone say yes so casually. nevertheless something treading a line of relief and acceptance crossed her face, one that she had to blink away in order to remind herself that she was standing in front of you, and to say something. “yeah,” she started, lips beginning to upturn into a small smile. “well, cool.”

“i’ll see you at.. nine?” you nodded and ellie lifted her tray and walked around you to sit with jesse. when she peered over her shoulder to look back at you for a moment, you met each other’s gazes.

she offered you a small smile. you gave her one back in return.

how genuine of you.

.   .   .   .   

“you’re not gonna cough – look, i’m gonna light it. and then you’re gonna inhale and you’re gonna hold it. and just let it go when i tell you to. yeah?”

“m’literally gonna pass out–”

“you’re fine. just trust me, you got it.” ellie’s thumb rolls back and the lighter sparks. the flame licks the buds of the freshly packed bowl stationed between your lips and you try to convince yourself that that is what stills you. nothing at all to do with how ellie is so close to you that her bated breaths just barely skim your jaw. for a moment, you met eyes. despite your previous interactions, you never saw ellie as a person who stares. when she did she would stare through you, too spaced out to notice and too abashed if you’d ever brought it up to her. tonight was different because ellie was staring directly into you.

it all was hard not to focus on - the way she was looking at you, timid but daring, as if her excitement could be explained by something other than watching her best friend take her first hit. the way she was leaned over, supported one arm as though she was going to kiss you, or maybe the position was just too fucking familiar. god knows how long you looked at each other. your mind abandoned the instructions she gave you.

inhale…

you blinked, quickly averting your gaze as you filled your lungs with smoke. your eyes glued themselves to the bowl, while ellie’s eyes alternated between watching the embers and watching you. she took her bottom lip between her teeth to contain her smirk, voice falling alongside the sound of the soft crackles and your lungs expanding. “there you go. nice and easy…”

for a second you thought you had it. your exhale begun slow and cautious, and you didn’t know if you were doing this correctly but you at least knew that you were still doing it. that was until ellie looked at you again. it was the smirk, and the tinge in her cheeks. it was every freckle and the lines of sleep deprivation and stress settled under her eyes, backlit by lamplight. your breathing tripped, and your coughs stumbled out. hard. harder than you were prepared for. you caught the sound of ellie laughing underneath them before she rose from the couch, and the sound of the faucet running followed shortly thereafter.

“oh my god,” you rasped, swallowing down what you’d hoped would be the last of your coughs. it wasn’t. you wanted to die, and for a minute, you actually thought you were going to.

“it’s okay. it happens,” ellie grinned, handing you a cup of water your way which you hastily accepted. embarrassment laughed loudly at you in the back of your mind, for you’ve made yourself look astronomically stupid in front of ellie on numerous occasions and it wasn’t exactly like any of them had mattered prior to this. this one seemed to matter a little more though. “that’s – that’s really strong,” you tried to play it off, hoarse and partially alive. “you said i wouldn’t cough,” you frowned.

“i never said that.” “you lied to me.” “oh so, i’m a liar now?” “yes! what the fuck, that’s exactly what you are.” you laughed. ellie plopped down on the couch and took the bowl from your hand, a shiteating grin never leaving her face. “it’s okay, it’s fine. you’re fine.” she took her lighter, flushing slightly. “that was fine. you did good. i’m proud of you.”

her words made your suffering more worthwhile than you’d like to admit. good. i’m proud of you. a self-satisfied smile twitched onto your lips accompanied by the warmth in your cheeks. you caught yourself rolling your eyes and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as the sound of ellie’s lighter flickered once more, only the bowl had been brought to her lips. you brought your knees up to your chest as you watched her. she withdrew the smoke slow between her lips and exhaled the cloud before her with ease. it was you, this time, whose teeth found their bottom lips. suddenly you understood the appeal of watching. maybe because it just wasn’t you who was doing the smoking. or maybe, more accurately, because it was ellie.

your eyes scan her for longer than you intended to, flickering between the bowl and her eyes. you have to literally force them away, now feeling the need to fill in the silence. “how long does it take to hit?” you tilted your head. “like, usually?”

ellie took a second to think, frowning in thought for a second before resorting to shaking her head. “not that long.” she rasped, going in for another hit. “but it gets stronger the more you do it. it’s not like edibles, or anything.” you slowly nodded, mumbling an “ah” under your breath at ellie’s advice.

“you get better with practice. you did better than me my first time, i remember when i first smoked with kat.. oh my god. i was like.. dying on her floor.” ellie snorted, and your eyes fell slightly. kat and dina weren’t necessarily sensitive topics, or at least for the sake of showing that you didn’t care, you convinced yourself that they weren’t. but part of you liked to think that ellie knew. because honestly, she probably did. nonetheless, an amused exhale pushed through your nose as you thought, airing on the side of caution with your words. “i don’t really think she cared that much,” you mused and ellie scrunched up her face, offering a half-way smile in confirmation “not really, no.”

you fiddled with your fingers as your eyes lingered around the tops of your knees. the gap of silence widened between the two of you, and in the midst of waiting for you to say something, ellie looked at you, realizing that you weren’t going to. her eyes scaled you up and down, a small confused smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “you okay?” 

you honestly hadn’t realized how quiet you’d been. you can’t tell what made you that way – the mention of kat, the fact that you are sitting across from ellie on the same couch that you and her (began) fucking on a week and a half prior– “yeah i’m just–” you ran a hand through your hair, stretching with a groan that you’d hope would act as a vessel for all of your anxieties. “i’m just uh, waiting for you to ask me if i want another hit.”

ellie’s eyebrows raised and she scoffed out a laugh. ”okay, well..” she lifted the glass bowl, pointing it towards you. “do youuu… want another hit?”

.   .   .   .   

what you liked most about ellie is how you fit beside her. how she always left room for you, but kept you close. what ellie liked most about you is that you saw all sides of her, even the ones that she herself couldn’t see, and yet you still chose to stay. her hand was fit to be undesirable - often cold, calloused and rough with the day’s remains under her fingernails no matter how hard she scrubbed them. but you didn’t flinch when she touched you. your skin brought warmth to her palms and she brought you the gift of knowing that she was there, and during these times, wanted to be nowhere else. between the sheets, conversation fell in gentle whispers. giggles were hushed as to not wake the peace between you two. it was just you two. and face to face, you were safe, tracing forcefields onto each other’s skin. she was soft yellow light. she was cluttered collectibles, and wrinkled, stained grey comforters. she was brown liquor, and the vibration of a tuned guitar against your chest. she is home; your homegirl.

ellie’s eyes were half-lidded, pulled under by both sleepiness and the influence, but she was still only looking at you. she looked at you when you were looking directly at her, foreheads bound to touch and barely a nose apart, and your breath tickled her upper lip. she looked at you when you closed your eyes and her hands were massaging your scalp, when your head bent towards the nape of her neck and she swore you could hear her heart thumping, spilling over in her chest. your hands had found the girl’s hip, thumb barely tracing patterns over the skin exposed above her boyshorts. ellie was floating, though she was still thinking, which was both a blessing a curse.

ellie spent a lot of time assessing the roles of the different people in her life. she didn’t dwell over the concept of loss, be it death or otherwise. but keeping people close to her felt like a timebomb. 

everyone who i have ever cared about has either died or left me.

she would never tell anyone but laying with you, staying with you, being with you -- as much as she loved it -- sometimes felt like a recipe for disaster. now, all things considered, she’d hate to admit that that feeling was even worse. she felt like shit. for a variety of reasons. she just didn’t want you to leave. “i don’t want you to ever go away,” ellie muttered through the silence.

you hum, nose rested in the crescent of her neck, breathing in the smell of just her; musk, deodorant, woodchips, weed. these words aren’t unfamiliar to you coming from ellie. you wanted the moment to last. you wanted to be as close to her as you could be. you wanted to hear the reason. “why?” you asked, a tiny playful smirk in your voice, evident once you lift your head to look up at her. you can’t really see her, but her breath fans over your lips. suddenly both of your bodies feel hot, like her hip is melting into your hand and your cheek into her palm. the sliver of distance between the two of you is paining, but neither of you move.

ellie bit back a small smile. her tongue stuck out briefly, passing between her lips along as a beat of silence settled between the two of you. “because,” she whispers, quieter.  “you’re like.. my best friend.” “mm.” “and i guess you’re my favorite person,” ellie’s nose bumped against yours, and you swallowed your breath. “and i would do anything for you.”

“you don’t even care about me,” you joked. your eyes locked with the girl’s before you whose had seemed to soften, like the smile on her face, but only slightly. “i’d kill for you.”

ellie is pure warmth against you. the concave of your hand presses gently into the protrusion of her hip, and you feel her lean into your grasp, edging closer, daring to do so something that best friends simply do not do. flickering between her eyes and her lips. ellie’s finger traces the curve of your jawline and you try not to shiver. it hooks, carefully, under the base of your chin, thumb massaging over its front. but it felt different this time. you needed to ask, “do you remember the night that we hooked up?”

if the lights were on, you would’ve seen all the blood fade from ellie’s face. and then you would’ve seen it rush to her cheeks again. you did see her bite the inside of her cheek, scaling your own face carefully in an effort to remain perfectly still – perfectly collected. “it kinda depends on what you’re labeling as hooking up.”

you weren’t expecting yourself to roll your eyes, or laugh for that matter. “i’m not talking about kissing, i’m not talking about heavy-petting.” you looked into her, a smile on both of your faces. “i’m talking about your birthday.”  

ellie’s heart kicks and for a second, she thinks she might have a heartattack. a beat drifts by, and she nods, “yeah.”

“and you told me that you would do anything for me?”

ellie’s brows furrowed. you could tell she was trying to joke with you, but behind her reciprocation, for the first time, it’s like you could see it in her face. “where exactly are you going with this?”

you were starting to feel a bit nervous. your palm felt clammy against her skin, despite it being perfectly dry.  “because i think you said something else, too.” ellie’s ministrations grew to a slow halt and suddenly you knew that she knew, that you knew. “and i think you said it while i was sleeping. and i wanna know if it’s true.” you felt so small under ellie’s gaze. ellie, who had not broken eye contact with you once, had barely shown any changes in her expression outside of the subtle lift in her brows. the most you got out of her was a recent, slow, thoughtful lick of her lips – the only thing she could offer as she struggled to pull herself together, desperately wanting to own up to what you’d suspected but at the same time desperately looking for escapes out of this conversation.

instead, she settled, trying not to swallow the bulge in her throat. “i don’t know, what if it is?” she tossed, cheeks warm and gaze wanting to waver, but not allowing herself to let it. as badly as she wanted to. mother of god, she was so conflicted.

your hand reaches for the back of ellie’s neck and your lips slot together in something soft, something familiar, but something so full that it makes your heart twist and turn. ellie’s hand takes your hip like it’s routine, reeling and winding as your lips slot together - slow. gentle. calculated. the answer to her question. “i wanna hear you say it,” you murmured against her lips. ellie hummed, it falling between the line of approval and disapproval. her hand was hot against your stomach – you felt like you were on fire. “i don’t want you to hate me,” ellie admitted, and it struck you dead in the chest. “i don’t know -- i’m honestly so fucking scared. i don’t wanna ruin anything. i don’t wanna lose you.”

you shook your head, frantic and eager, words bubbling out before you got a grasp on them.  “what? i could never hate you.” you hooked your finger gently under her chin, pulling her face so that it faced yours. you searched her eyes for any signs of sarcasm or anything. instead, certainty – and not the certainty in her eyes just a few moments prior. a more pessimistic kind of certainty. doubt. a hint of dread, even. “i could never. hate you.” you reaffirmed, and then you slipped; you were off the deep end, the words out your mouth before you could even control them, spiraling, spiraling, spiraling…  “i love you.”

ellie’s expression fragmented. her eyes met yours again, and something in them brightened, and then dimmed. like something had unlocked – unclicked, at the notice that maybe, just maybe, there was a little bit less to be afraid of. 

and so you said it again. “i love you.” you shook your head. “i love you..”

ellie’s train of thought is pure static. she can’t tell if she’s breathing heavier, or breathing at all, and or if she is nearly even alive for these are moments that she’d only really thought of. she can think of nothing other than you. just you, here, beneath and alongside her and loving her, and everything cracks and locks into place at the same time.

she leans down, grasping your cheek and kissing you like you’re an anchor. for the first time, neither of you hold back. it wasn’t chaste, nor careful. ellie kisses you like she’d been meaning to since you started allowing her to – deeply, with no endpoint in sight. your bodies mold, like halves slotting together, and heat envelops the two of you. it’s safe. it’s so warm. it is so perfect. when she pulls away, she is winded, having nearly given all of the life in her body to you.

“i love you,” she declares, lips ghosting against your own. your head spins as you catch her gaze through your lashes, bringing yourself to barely shake your head as you find your voice. “no you don’t..” your smile is sarcastic and suddenly both you and ellie are snickering, but she’s persistent against your lips. “i love you so much.”

“i can never win with you, huh?” ellie quipped, pushing a section of hair out of your face and you grin. “not once,” you promise.  ellie shakes her head at you. her thumb massages your cheekbone and for a second, she’s useless, now essentially smiling down at you as she shook her head.

“you’re so stupid,” ellie whispered. “and you’re never getting rid of me.” “yeah?” “yeah.” “thank god for that, i guess.” you both laugh and your lips make contact once again. it’s full of yearning and it’s deep, but this time, you take your time. ellie’s hands move slow, and time rolls over onto itself. each kiss overlaps and says something different, but as you spend the night parting each other’s thighs with your legs and breathing bliss into each other’s mouths, the same mantra gets underscored over and over again. i’ve got you, she says. and i’ve got you, you affirm.

there are other people in this world who you would die for and then there is ellie, who you would walk through shallow spikes for with no complaints because you know she would do the same for you. there is ellie who would fight hell and high water for you, and has, and will do it again and again and again, as long as it meant that you weren’t going anywhere. there is ellie, who is half of you, but more. ellie. your best friend. your girlfriend, you’d hope. your person.

your homegirl. just a girl. just a body, to which you’re a homebody.

homegirl, homegirl, homegirl.

[definitelynotshouting]

OUGH ok I think I might sign off then cus I have been holding off on sending brainrot but now the chemicals have been triggering an I am mentally ill over them EHE

“Do you think they wear secret tokens of each other's affections. Do you think they hold them close at night and hope to every god they can think of that one day they'll be happy. Do you think they take one last deliberate breath as they hold it close and die.”

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY ON EVERY ACCOUNT. Cub asking where Scar keeps disappearing off to and why he keeps showing up with bits of feather fluff in his hair, or why he suddenly has so much new jewelry bits like a new wooden bead necklace or an earring that isn’t his usual swirling gold. Or Pearl trying to figure out why Grian has a little leather cord with blue gems suddenly and why does he smell like magic? So Pearl tries to follow Grian but he’s just CONVENIENTLY TOO GOOD AT DISAPPEARING WITHOUT A TRACE. All the while Scar and Grian just have a terrible habit of disappearing to spend time together bc it hurts to be apart and their hearts can only ache for so long AUAUUGHHJJJJ- They just hold each other and run their hands through hair and feathers and trace freckles and scars and pray for a time when they can do that without being afraid :’) AHHAHAHA and then. Once they’ve been found out and fought to find each other one last time in secret (although they know it’s only a matter of time before the ones hunting them draw near and begin fighting again) they swear their deaths will be by their own hands, if only to have the last bitter laugh (oh god the poetry, its coming out of my BRAIN). They’re found embraced together, looking sweet and peaceful but gone nonetheless, and WOOOO their sides have the sense to at least realize how much they’ve fucked up because GOD DO I LOVE SUFFERINF AND ANGST WOOOOOOOOOOOO- (ok whoopsie didn’t mean to go so awful and angsty there I had to cut it up with a little bit of humor lulz) - um I suppose 🦀 anon??? IDK I LIKE CRABS they’re little snippy guys :3c ALSO SORRY IF THIS COMES OUT WEIRD TUMBLR IS BEIN FUNKY FOR ME ;-;

previous post

OH THIS IS SO VERY HEARTBREAKING ANON.... man. Smth so personal about dying in your lover's embrace,,, also im obsessed with how this is a romeo and juliet au but theres magic in it that Pearl can sense, thats got such flavour /gen

I love this anon!!! Also pls ur talking to the angst machine that came up with hunger au, i eat this shit up for breakfast >:]

[iron-sides]

Oh This Is My Moment (guy who likes reccing fics almost more than reading them)

ok this is just kind of a dsmp grab bag from my bookmarks so it swings wildly around the length & vibe spectrums but its pretty much all tommyinnit centric. uh. so heads up lol altho theres a lot of bench trio I Think (also warning a fair bit of sbi for sure possibly more than bench trio so if ur like I Dont Read Sbi Anymore uh. sorry) also i tried to avoid like huge fandom faves like passerine/butterfly reign/devil town/event horizon just bc the liklihood u havent read them is Small-- also superhero aus for similar reasons. ok no more disclaimers i prommy fic time now!

in all their bashful glory

2.5k words of pure cclingy fluff. its beautiful. its so good. complete. i love her.

humans are space velociraptors

series incomplete but work one isnt! ur lookin at a little under 200k words of space au that really utilizes the language barrier in some really cool ways!! ALSO! human tubbo :D this one tends slightly angstier but i personally feel its pretty well balanced out- it functions similarly to a Humans Are Space Orcs tumblr post but like a bunch of them that go together? one of the more popular fics on this list but i reread it recently and its still so good !! mostly sbi but Also really really good clingyduo (you will notice there's a lot of that)

ours poetica by @zeeskeit-writes-sometimes

another long, angsty, fairly popular one, but this time it's tragically incomplete at 77k words :( BUT i can never say no to slam poetry au ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this is another sbi one but not like Happy Family sbi its like. angsty. warning the poems are GREAT but it does get super dark tommy attempts suicide onscreen iirc (its been a few years BUT i cant do a dsmp reclist without ours poetica i think about her All The Time)

Unconnected Magic Fics

also 70k words BUT this is a benchtrio magic hurt/comfort series (tommyinnit centric im an inniter what can i say)! tommyinnit can now read minds! (hurt/comfort ensues) tommyinnit can no longer lie! (hurt/comfort ensues) beeduo can now read tommyinnits mind! (hurt/comfort ensues) etc etc

Rewind/Remix by @a-non-ymouswriter

this series is THE clingyduo bible its THE dsmp time travel fic its THE protegee tommy au you dont understand its SO GOOD ‼️ tragically abandoned sitting @ 290k words (idk why all the long ones r first i prommy theyre not ALL rlly long) BUT its so good. like its so good. future protegee tommy and former president tubbo are from EGGPOCALYPSE FUTURE which is awesome and IN eggpocalypse future nikis president. it rocks. its so great. dream has like tattooed the loyalty enchantment on protegee tommy like its CRAZY its so good. but again incomplete very incomplete :( idk if thats a dealbreaker for u but it is for the irl i usually am reccing to so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

talk to me by @doodlebloo

ik everyone knows and loves doodlebloo but im reccing this anyway its so good. its so good. i love them (cclingy) 5k words, complete

treatise on sin and vice

you dont understand it goes SO HARD. 7k word screenplay, complete. just trust me okay just read it its so good just trust me. take me my hand. its so good.

the snow king

SO GOOD!! ok so u know hit fairytale the snow queen? what if the snow queen was philza minecraft and the two friends were tommyinnit and tubbo underscore. 135k words, complete, another cclingyduo classic that i think about constantly. the worldbuilding is SO cool

i no longer know if i wish to drown myself in love, vodka, or the sea

ok self promo time :)) I have!! a beeduo fic!! shes 592 words! its about how crazy weird it must be to live with the ghost of someone you used to love :) i dont remember why i thought tubbo and michael moved into ranboos house after he died but i promise its a good fic anyway ! :D

can someone reccomend me dsmp fics. I just rewalized i cant remember the last time i read a fic

[butcharyastark]

I posted 20,149 times in 2022

That's 12,882 more posts than 2021!

187 posts created (1%)

19,962 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@eruthiawenluin

@communistkenobi

@illumizoldycksonlyfans

@neechees

@filmnoirsbian

I tagged 7,528 of my posts in 2022

#art - 881 posts

#jojo - 770 posts

#video - 745 posts

#fanart - 741 posts

#poetry - 409 posts

#fashion - 341 posts

#sw - 312 posts

#notsfw - 260 posts

#photography - 237 posts

#my post - 200 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#on the 2nd day of my factory job they put me on a machine with exposed glue over temps of 300°f with basically a 'good luck dont get burnt'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i think rewatching leverage would fix me

69 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

#4

me through gritted teeth: ice adolescence is coming. yoi will return. ice adolescence is coming. yoi will return. ice adolescence is c

159 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

#3

like yeah. this IS funny. its funny the whole blue website is making fun of the other blue website crashing and burning. but theyre not your friend. theyre not joking with you because they have a personality.

it is a company. with financial interests. and tumblrs board of whatever has learned with shit like blaze and failed campaigns before that if they make it weird and ironic and different enough that ppl will buy. bc theyre marketing their brand. this is their brand now--irony and hellsite (affectionate) and being the last weird and genuine semi popular social media.

and thats whats dangerous. bc yall dont seem to realize that. tumblr is not any different from other social media at its core. this website sucks, in a fuckload of ways. and i know its been funny the last 6 months hyping up "god it sucks but at least its not facebook or twitter" but it feels like some ppl here took that seriously and now feel obligated to defend their Favorite Corporate Social Media With A Badly Paid Twitter Intern as if they lost their sense and become one of those ao3 defenders constantly talking abt "keeping the lights on!!!"

yall just look embarassing with this shit and then rbing posts abt leftism and bullying advertisers off

275 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

#2

i hope all of u transmisandry truthers realize that ur literally parroting terf ideaology by trying to subscribe to the idea that transmascs are Oppressed Because Of Their Sex. like. there is no such thing as afab oppression. trans men face transphobia and misogyny, which includes mistreatment AND lack of access to resources. that is not unique to trans men. women experience misogyny in society, and society doesnt believe trans men exist/are men, therefore = trans men get treated as if they are women, which includes mistreatment and difficulties obtaining resources. this is not hard to understand. there is no special form of oppression that trans men face that is unique among transphobia or in queer community. its just the combined result of misogyny and transphobia. it is not sex oppression (which doesn't exist). it is not ppl "hating men" and applying that to trans men. it's not transmisandry. get over urselves.

366 notes - Posted July 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

some of yall r getting dangerously close to not being able to recognize fascism in prettied up words just bc it sounds as radical as socialism

573 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[underestimated-heroine]

3rd General Reference Post

(sorry if I reblog, it's only to keep from losing this to the sands of time! Also anyone's free to reblog or save this as is the mode on Tumblr Dot Com. Links go to my blog because it's the best, easy way I have to make sure I don't lose posts to deletion.)

General:

Jazz Hands

Bra sizing

What do you want me to do put them back?

Funniest Phenomenon in America

Groundhog Day

McSnatched

Oh my god there's a dolphin

They will steal even the skies from you

Way of the Househusband bags of white substances

Zendaya is Meechie

Block Apps' ads

Poot Lovato

Stolen microwave story

The internet's idea of helping people

Horses wouldn't be horses

Whiteman story

Indoor cats not cunty post

No tangible reason for people to starve

King Taejong fell from his horse

Joke even stem majors will laugh at

Can't cook ramen also might be an alien vid

Heart Power over Horse Power

Onion with a Butt

Teen Titans Quirked Up Green Guy

Absolutely Devastating Typo

Moon Moon

How many Elmo's must die

Teletubbies Chicken Post

Apparently this would really get truckers fired

Treasure under the road

Orange joe

How to draw ref

Gundam Wing Anime Dramatic Nonsense Vid

Cummingtonite

Anti-NFT anthem

Consuming Media Isn't A Zero-Sum Game

Acacia trees across Africa

Whales have memes

We are Not American Hawaii video

What happens if you take ur iphone to somewhere other than an approved iPhone stode

Sociology of antis

Best of Robert Pattinson

Undercover cops in the US

Violets are Purple Tumblr Poetry

Squirrel costume video

Doctor vs. Furry Artist Comic

Some people cry when they're stressed and that's okay

Pokemon Brock Raised His Siblings

Naruto Office Post...

In Yunmeng, the Night before a wedding comic

Fiona transformation scene shitty movie details

I love the way men love post

Gorilla Glue Logo

Baby Oil Condoms

After watching the Shrek film

Left-handed bigotry tags story

Dancing to Nightcore Vid

I'm going to fuck your dad and give him a child he actually loves

Malcolm in the Mittle

Medieval homespun clothes post

Death Note Ace Attorney Heritage Post

Why Pluto Isn't a Planet

Wolf Anti-Cigarette Ad

Witcher Costumes & Posturing

Humans of NY post her mother always new Alex

I'm like 9/11 but a girl

The US Prison System

Jesus had a vampire twin sister

My dad after the moon landing pic

What's up with claymation

3 of your favorite childhood cartoon characters

Personal:

Literally Every Tumblr Update

Manga Pupils

Hal and Peenyo

Casey Frey Videos Last an Eternity

Go forth and fling shit

The optimism of willfully useless anime characters

Writing advice lean into the bad shit

Diego and Rutherford

Gajeel's Function

What ghost me would say to the alligator who ate me

9 years old letters

You don't owe anyone info about your identity

Dark Plank

Least Favorite Recurring Fairy Tail Moment

When Laxus Embarrassed Himself

Basketball gif with my addition about Frank & Steve

The feminine urge didn't set us back...

Sniper red dot is my shadow

ANThropology

Natsu and Gray's Reaction to Erza and the 100 monsters

TomCardy Business Man tiktok

Tumblr said I'm into weird humor like this now

When I was called a "weirdo cunt"

You got two sides to this site

Healthy Boundaries Include Forgiveness

You are the SUN!

[gokupowers]

i think rose and kanaya look like the most boring and typical uhaul lesbian couple but when you talk to them at all you find out they have insane bdsm sex and write poetry about how they wanna kill each other (lovingly) (also sorry if this is weird. i wanted to show support for your post ur cool)

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA OK yes but I think I have never met a U-Haul lesbian couple in real life. all the lesbian couples I know irl have crazy sex and r obsessed w each other I think U-Haul lesbians don't exist and they're a Tumblr myth

[bipercabeth]

does it ever get weird being a big blog and having all these strangers want to be friends with you? i used to want to be tumblr famous but ur blog changed my mind

this made me chuckle but yeah it’s definitely weird! i wouldn’t call myself tumblr famous by any means but having a lot of followers really opened my eyes to how weird the world of parasocial relationships is as someone who had never been on the receiving end of that energy. i’m really glad that i give off positive vibes and people want to be my friend, but there’s really no easy way to respond to people when they say that. i’m a pretty honest and vulnerable person so i think it’s quite easy to scroll through my blog and get the sparknotes version of me, but the lengths people will go to cram me into the personality they’re projecting truly know no bounds! people have mentioned me by both url and (first) name on platforms entirely outside of tumblr. people come into my inbox or dms unsolicited with Heavy and potentially triggering content because they saw me reblog poetry that made them think i’d relate enough to help them work through it. there was a whole month where i got shit on for setting the most (in hindsight) hilariously self-respecting boundaries because it shattered peoples’ previous pushover/obscenely kind image of me. and i think the weirdest thing about tumblr is that it’s truly isolated to this website. every other platform follows u to a certain degree but the anonymity of tumblr means i can log off and go about my own business OR log on and be either uplifted or harassed by thousands of people. it’s WEIRD. 

and the parasocial thing is just. i don’t know how to describe it. it’s not hard to tell when someone is interacting with you for parasocial reasons. if you have sent me 5+ asks off anon i definitely at least recognize ur url, same if you’re regularly in my notes (usually). there’s a stark difference between the people who hop into my inbox to yell about a chapter and cheer me on (love u guys so much i smile whenever i see ur urls) and the people who hop into my inbox hoping to spark more future interaction (derogatory). and that’s not meant to discourage potential friends like mutuals--i have absolutely slid into people’s dms with the hopes of becoming their friend. this is really hard to articulate but there is such a strong distinction between someone who interacts with and enjoys your content and someone who regularly follows and unfollows you, replies to posts that don’t require replies, sends you things “on accident”, etc. it’s not original! it’s transparent and wildly uncomfortable! 

basically i am grateful to this trash website for giving me some of my closest friends in life but those friendships were born from clear mutual desire and a healthy, mutual respect for boundaries without pressure or idolization. instead of like. projecting wildly and treating someone like a white whale 

[tenderhounds]

tagged by @boyjuly!

1. why did u choose your url

i am a boy who wants to be a wife, and since boywife got nulled somehow, i added an 's'

2. have any side blogs?

yeah, have an aes blog i forget to use @babespits & a poetry blog that i also forget to use called @velourspit (which has the same name as poetry instagram which i actually use)

3. how long have u been on tumblr

this blog is only a couple months old but ive been on tumblr for about 6 years

4. do u have a queue tag

nope, i rarely use the queue anway

5. why did you start ur blog in the first place

this blog was started because wanted a fresh start and was uncomfortable with what used to be my old blog, but i originally started tumblr for h*rry p*tter

6. why did u choose ur icon/pfp

so my header & icon would match

7. why did u choose ur header

i just really like the photo, the composition, the colors and the feeling it invokes

8. whats ur post with the most notes

"one of my poetry insta mutuals is telling transphobes to kill themselves while while promoting his book deal on his story, we love to see it" he actually saw it and followed me on here

9. how many mutuals do u have

75, everyone who follows me is a mutual

10. how many followers do u have

75 :)

11. how many blogs do u follow

254, but i need to unfollow some people

12. have you ever made a shitpost

nope, i may say weird or silly things but they are mostly genuine

13. how often do u use tumblr

fairly often, i usually scroll through it like the morning newspaper

14. have you ever had a fight/argument with another blog? who won?

nah, i rarely do anything let alone get in arguments ( i get to angry very easily so i try not to get into internet arguments)

15. how do you feel about "u need to reblog this posts?

its very annoying and i'll usually reblog it without the add on

16. do u like tag games?

yeah! i love talking about myself

17. do u like ask games

again yeah! i love answering questions and interacting with yall

18. which of ur mutuals do u think is tumblr famous

gabriel jewfrogs, ru bituals, diarmund juicestore, & lee boysaints

19. do u have a crush on a mutual

kinda, but in a parasocial way, like they're are pretty and have a nice aesthetic and are funny (im very iffy with romance and dating)

20. tag time

anyone can go for it, have fun!