#is it bc its a religious experience??
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I can't believe they have an s&m part and my party just stands there watching while my character got beaten and begged for mercyLMAO
#bg3#this game istg!!!#i understand why astarion would approve#but why does shadowheart???#is it bc its a religious experience??#she even got inspired by it HAHAHHAHA
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fellas we're once again wrestling with imperfect vs. perfect contrition and why imperfect contrition with a firm resolution to not sin again and promptly receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation doesn't save
#I get that it doesn't but !!!! I don't like it and I think its bad and I'm mad at God#it's definitely not because I only have imperfect contrition and get afraid to die#but like if its a gift from God#so much more of a gift perfect contrition is#but if cooperating with grace only results in imperfect contrition#why is it still damnable#his ways higher than my ways i know the line#this didnt save my other tags ahh!!!#but take this example from movie recently#man is a lapsed catholic#hes murdered people etc. very many grave sins#he has a terrifying near death experience and in the hospital asks to have a Priest come#because he wants to confess his sins#he ends up being denied one and murdered himself#to me (vibes) hes motivated by genuine belief and fear (imperfect) but hes also made#TANGIBLE STEPS to try and receive the Sacrament#he clearly wants to be reconciled and is trying#and the most we can hope for him is the same extraordinary salvation we hope a muslim has or an atheist?#intuitively that seems wrong idk#also moots i just realized this might be scandalous etc. I'm trying to religious submission of mind and will#pls tell me if i ought to delete and i will#also tbf on some level I would get the extraordinary salvation is all we can hope for bc of the efficacy of the Sacraments#EXCEPT for baptism by desire#and specifically the fact that motivation to be baptized does not come into consideration#you die before you can be baptized when you've expressed a desire and are trying to be baptized?#saved. no questions asked.#thats what makes this tough for me
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Smoking for the first time and getting fisted for the first time in the same play session was fucking insane,,
Got so overstimulated that I cried when I came around their fist
#This was genuinely some of the best sex I've ever had in my life#should i tag heirophilia bc it felt like a religious experience??#I'm so high and hazy its soo good#worm speaks#ftm ns/fw#ftm nsft#ftm pet#ftm puppy#ftm sub#puppy pl@y#bd/sm puppy#intox#weed intox#fist!ng
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the more time i spend working around christians the closer i am to just going Fuck It and reverting back to being religious. im like already one step of the way there vis a vis the jesus freak posting so like. i think this is perhaps Inevitable. very very very funny considering i have spent the last near year on here being like "NOOO IM AGNOSTICCCC IM NOT CHRISTIAN IM JUST WEIRD ABOUT RELIGION NOOOO"
#i dont know how to phrase this .#im not. OPPOSED. to it.#its just Odd bc i grew up raised by a vaguely christian mother and a stark athiest father while also having a stark christian aunt#so when i kind of. renounced christianity I GUESS it wasnt bc i HATED it. it was just bc i was Weird.#and also a schizophrenic with ocd who was having delusions about god watching me for . nearly my entire life up until like 3-4 years ago(?)#fuckin hell dont get me STARTED on the shit the internet put me through#not a fun experience being on the internet hearing horror stories of christians and viewing them as pure evil for several years when i -#- was 1) surrounded by them 2) also christian at the time and 3) gay and disabled#thats not rlly related but it DOES add to why im so.#gestures vaguely.#Like THIS.#anyway.#what was the point i was making here.#OH right. point being ??????????? dont be surprised if im just randomly like ''hey im christian dont be weird about this''#this is what working thru religious trauma does to a bitch. IT MAKES THEM RELIGIOUS FML#holy fuck i do NOT SHUT UP do i. THE RAMBLERRRRR.#anyway. Swagever#speaking.mp4
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youtube
in honor of the wicked trailer, I'm dropping this here in case anyone's never seen it before. cynthia erivo, queen
#cynthia erivo#is there a professionally shot version of her singing this at an event?#sure#but this phone video of an actual performance canNOT be beat#the sonnets I would write about her diaphragm#the epics I would write about her breath control!#truly one of the greatest musical performers alive#this isn't my favorite show in the world#but when I saw her live in it#I legit like........sOBBED during this#sOBBED SOBBED#I'm crying just watching the video now#but I was truly inconsolable#and not just because it's a gorgeous song with a meaningful message!#but because being in the presence of someone with a steel spine iron lungs and golden vocal chords#and watching them absolutely strip the paint off the theater around you#is honestly the closest I get to a religious experience#I have a lot to say about modern broadway and the vocal gymnastics that are going too far#bc people want to be able to do this shit but like - this is not vocal gymnastics#this is a craftsman being incredibly technically skilled at their craft#and an artist who understands the medium of musical theater#it's not.......pop runs you know?#other live vocal performances that made me bleed from the eyes (positive)#sutton foster singing gimme gimme at like...21?#heather headley in aida#every single fucking performer in octet#keisha setttle (?) in waitress singing I didn't plan it#and its a different flavor#but jonathan groff in everything I've seen him in#the purity of tone!!!!!!!
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going to group exposure therapy at 13 didnt fuck me up but i have trouble explaining this to people. like okay yeah it was literally me and these other kids sitting at a table instructed to intentionally trigger one another and not help the triggered individual deal with the severe emotional response we caused and yeah there was a screaming room which was just sort of a little sectioned-off area with no door where this one kid in the other group went in and screamed for the entire duration of every session and like YEAH. i did make my longest-lasting friend there who i love dearly but for like two years we had no idea how to speak with one another in a situation not based around triggering one another bc that was how we became friends so every time we hung out i’d be like “you should tell that cashier to fuck off and not apologize” and shed be like “okay well i will not do that but god probably is like super mad at you right now” and separately we’d both be like i am being such a good friend to my bestie with ocd right now. but im saying that was all literally normal you just had to be there
#it speaks!#okay to rb btw i think its funny!!#let me know if this needs tagging im not rly sure what to call it#ocd treatment is weird i didnt experience the worst of it by any means but i remember like. developing religious ocd bc of group sessions#like there was a christian kid there who had it and i was like FUCK. he’s making POINTS though.#but it was like. okay tbh it was a very strange experience for me when i got into cults for a bit to read abt the game at synanon ->#<- bc i didnt find it horrific at all. like we did that.#ocd#exposure therapy#paths outside this garden
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Hey fellow lefton enjoyers, who do you think would make the first move? Been reading and watching a lot about TCM, and one of the primary things I've seen Hooper reference with Drayton is repression and Leftys got his whole religious deal. So who do you think bends first? Or does someone (or something) else Rube Goldberg machine them into realizing it?
#lefton#i would find sources on the repression stuff but i am so covid brained rn its not funny#also while leftys religious stuff could be to a normal level and hes just being quirky/ drunk at the time of the movie#i like making him religiously quirky too bc it keeps up that sawyer-like intensity that he has even while sober#he also might be protestant or baptist idk#the song he sings is primarily associated with Protestants but i think he coule be bapitist too bc of the area#though the baptist thing is personal experiance more than anything lol
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#meeting the sociologist/philosopher who flew in from barcelona and got basically no sleep just 2 be on time to our date soon#im wearing the earrings the ex situationship person chose for me. they have 3 sharp metal bits hanging down from them. it feels#cold like a knife and also they make noise whenever i take a step which acts a little like a friend and also a beating. dont forget who cho#for you. do you miss her? do you miss her? when you see his face will you miss her?#im going to look someone else in their eyes today#im going to study with my friend today and tomorrow#i had a call w a friend yesterday . he taught me logic metatheory intensively and he also said this whole experience has been painful for#him and the rest of my friends bc its like watching someone nearly drink cyanide over and over#it made things a bit clearer#he said its like watching a lion get declawed and that i was essentially unrecognisable. something happened to his friend#and he wanted his friend back#so im going to go back.#he said he doesnt mind dying alone. he asked why hes doing philosophy and i said pure love and he said thats true#im supposed to be in love w abstractions more than ppl#and im supposed to be in love w my friends before any romantic partner#ok going up tottenham ct escelators is a religious experience recently bc every time i will either make eye contact w the most beautiful#person ever or be reminded of the way they held me on the way down here or how i held them on the way up#anyway lets go
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hi hella do you have thoughts on the tiktokification of ethel cain (given her leaving social medias) anyway sorry if you dont i just love the way you think xx
i think a very simplified explanation of what tiktok does to music and why it fundamentally always Grates on me is that people on tiktok cannot just listen to a song. it's no longer enough to enjoy a song or an artist. you're not a 'true fan' if you just simply listen to the music and find any level of enjoyment from it. you have to instead know every single lyric, and every meaning of that lyric, and then when that isn't enough because the masses are now also doing that, you then need to know what the artist's thought process was for the lyrics, where they were when they wrote it, exactly what they mean by it. interpretation is no longer allowed because the 'true fans' correct you with what the artist said in a niche interview from 2019 and 'if you really liked the song you would know that'. it doesnt matter what the song means to YOU because it now needs to be consumed in the Exact Way Tiktok Says It Should Be. and then of course it all becomes narrower and narrower and all the while the fans are TEARING the artists apart in an attempt to be the one individual listening to them most often and most correctly and with the most thorough understanding, and the artist is just. some guy. like literally just a person behind a screen reading every stupid as fuck thing and seeing the same stupid as fuck comments over and over and over again and it's like yeah. that would drive me fucking insane too actually
#there is no correct way of consuming media. like this need to be special and the snobbery it creates is something even ive been guilty of#like i will say ive only ever joked about it (like i made a post a while ago about tiktokers not realising gibson girl#was about drugs and prostitution) but i cant think of a time ive ever been ACTUALLY pissed about it#and that was more me being annoyed the tiktok crowd had got ethel cain anyway like IN GENERAL lol#but people on tiktok are actually IN that mindset. like they truly believe there's a correct way to listen to music#and they WILL police you on it if you dont adhere to that and they NEED it to be memeable so they can feel like they have inside jokes#with the artist despite them being a fucking stranger and it's WEIRD and more than anything it's fucking ANNOYING#and at the end of the day someone who listens to gibson girl bc it hypes them up and they have no idea about the lyric meaning#or its context in the rest of the album or in fact who ethel cain even is#are doing just as much justice to the art as people who listen to every single song religiously and know every single meaning#ultimately music is created to make people feel things. art is created to make people feel things#if you felt something listening to it then great. that is literally the only requirement needed. you dont need the artist's social security#number and worst traumatic experience in order to be considered thee fan of all time#ask
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Was v lucky to get to see a screening of a new documentary about casteism and brahmanical patriarchy in India but also I’m supposed to be discussing it in class later and if I’m being honest the fact that the last ten minutes of the film were basically one big advertisement for Hindus to convert to Buddhism means I’m like hmm well I do have some stuff I could say about this but I don’t want to overreach
#idk I just. look. not my area of expertise#but it piques something in my brain#seeing hinduism as inherently reinforcing and originating hegemony and buddhism as inehrnetky egalitarian#bc you can only make those arguments when hinduism is the majority and buddhism a minority#and again I get why this is like. an argument being made I get how it relates to Ambedkar’s influence I understand that#but also idk there’s a lot of people in Buddhist majority countries who would really disagree w seeing buddhism as inherently egalitarian#and somehow invulnerable to participating in violent power structures#also I would’ve liked to see more input from other religious minorities in India in the documentary#one guy talked about his experience being Muslim and that was it#I don’t think they interviewed any Sikhs or Jains#also idk having the perspective of someone studying judaism—#I was surprised at the idea of just throwing away an entire religion bc its origins had problematic elements#that’s really hard for me to conceptualize tbh.#bc I feel like judaism’s approach is so… its like. the flaws in something don’t make you love it less#picking apart Torah is like. itself an act of worship and study.#like something being flawed can actually make you love it More bc it means you get to dissect it#and that is an act of love#again I mean. lmk if I overstepped anywhere.#I do understand a lot of the context.#although I might sound silly talking about it as an outsider#I get that this is not just a philosophical discussion to people and is in fact a hugely complicated thing with very very high stakes#for people’s lives#and I appreciated how informative the documentary was#I really enjoyed the look into Dalit feminist circles especially#esp bc they’re so often given zero media coverage or attention#I would def recommend the film to people just for that
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rant <3
#so i told my friend im thinking abt engaging more in my christian community again starting w going to church more and visiti g exchanges etc#she kniws abt basically all my other friends being more than less religious and active in their respective communities#+ my family being religious even during soviet times and she even kniws abt the orthodox side of my family#so this shouldnt surprise her this much#why is she trying to talk me out of it saying christianity is evil and she cant agree to creationism like ok bitch me too#she acting as if im gonna become some republican american blonde woman or an primitive medieval peasant wthhh#and like i get it she and her family have always been agnostic and she doesnt have any personal experience with believe and faith#but that is even more reason to shut the hell up?? especially bc i just told her as like a life update i didnt want to start a discussion#w an agnostic no less#ppl like that make me so uncomfortable and then she kept saying things like this person is godless as a joke like stfu???#and kept bringing up she csnt believe in god at random times it made me so umcomfortable#especially bc now i feel hesitant to invite her to hangouts w my more 'strict' friends like idk what she thinks abt them and i dont want to#expose my friends who have to listen to enough shit to someone like that like i want my home to be a safe space for my friends#anyways thats the same girl who keeps telling me she doesnt think im white and when i tell her her saying this makes me uncomfortable#shes argues its ok bc she is not white herself ok wth im literally german/slavic how is that not white im crying#cant really articulate what exactly makes me uncomfy abt this but feels like she wants to enable me its really weird#also with tge christian stuff like ive always been religious she kniws abt me reading religious texts its so weird to me#why are you my friend if you disagree with a foundamental part of my life#maybe she thoight i was an ok one bc me and my familys approach to believe and faith is very relaxed but wth man
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just cried before going to bed
just like
just like fi
im just like
#fight club#the narrator#im no joke crying rn#but its mostly bc im going to graduate and i dont want to#but radiohead was definitely a catalyst for my tears#religious experience#!!!!!#this was kinda venty im sorry
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the one good thing about drake being a dipshit is it is apparently finally getting me into rap 🫡
#i figured out a few years ago i just didnt like pop rap bc it was boring and had no soul#i think i phrased it as 'why should i care about your music if you sound bored af rapping it'#but never actually went looking for what i might like in the genre#picking apart kendrick and pusha's disses has been like. a religious experience#kendrick is doing 4D chess with that shit its genuinely godly levels of artistry#truly a master of his craft im just. in awe.#ive been babbling to a friend in DMs all afternoon just marveling over his wordcraft#and then i realized from the genius annotations it goes beyond the lyrics and into SOUNDPLAY#like making shit sound like other words to add yet another layer#while still being so incredibly surgical and precise with every word doing so much work as-is#bruh. godly#yelling at the void
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i think a not-insignificant amount of the heartbreak crowley’s feeling in the end is because he’s finally truly understanding that what’s happening with aziraphale (as he perceives it) isn’t something that he can save him from.
#good omens#good omens 2#spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#like if there's truth in the coffee theory that'll be a whole other thing but if its all straightforward As Perceived#i do think that tracks and i do think that clicked#and there's something very real and painful about that idk#like you can't undo an entire existence of that manipulation and abuse and how much of aziraphale's sense of self is#wrapped up in it all. being an angel being Good serving a Purpose#crowley can give love and support and patience#be a sounding board and ask questions that help aziraphale step back from things and think sometimes#but that greater disconnect and that final realization of what heaven really is. he can't do that FOR aziraphale#aziraphale has to live and experience that on his own and finally actually let himself feel that#bc i think he's very good at not letting himself think about or feel those things even after being so crushed in s1#idk i feel a lot of religious trauma feelings about it i think it parallels that abusive relationship for a reason#like dont get me wrong the BULK of crowleys pain is from that interaction just generally and that rejection#but i think this also plays into it i think that perspective of someone who was thrown out and had the blinders removed#and having this interaction and realizing Oh. Oh there are still hooks deep into aziraphale there's this festering damage#Oh there's no amount of talk or hypotheticals that will sever the tether for him bc even after everything aziraphale BELIEVES. in heaven#as an institution. and idk man im just fascinated with that angle of it for crowley bc its like#SO complex
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marvel should hire me to write bc i'd pull the funniest thing on earth where i am wiping his catholic slate CLEAN and i would explcitily have him go ehhhh i've never really been religious me and my dad went some easters and christmases and attended a few services outside of that but that stopped by the time i was around 10 and my dad just kinda gave up on it because he didn't particularly want to go by that point either. and even then we hadn't gone every year for easter and christmas in that time frame. and then we never bring that shit up again in the story. he is only catholic in the sense he went a few times and it's the only church experience he knew and his dad probably grew up going to church more in his youth being dragged in by his family but he never felt particularly compelled to go back to it once he moved out on his own. catholic only in the fact that his family was irish catholic but his dad is a lapsed catholic who did not give a fuuuuuck
#based off my own father's filipino catholic experiences. and my own religious experiences in general. bc my mom's protestant but still didnt#raise me religiously. i've been to church a handful of times and it was never bad but it never ever stuck. i just kinda remember some stuff#and what i do know it's more from the general cultural osmosis of american christianity than anything#plus i grew up in a known for its religiosity suburb. but again. that still didnt really rub off on me.#in my mind jack is a guy who when entering a church will still dip his fingers in the holy water and cross with it#and matt watches and maybe mimics but he doesnt really get it still bc their service attendance has been so extremely infrequent.#so i imagine it's far more like that for matt than the insane bs they've been pullin the last few years. given the you know.#50 somethings years of established only really culturally casually catholic matt. bc well. why wouldnt he be new york irish catholic.#i imagine is the thought process. but i will never be a fan of how it's a big deal now. bc it just never has been. ever#and that's not to say a character cannot become religious or be religious or have it become more of a thing in their life!#very much it can be done. but i think it's been done piss poor. from all i've seen and what i've read of recent stuff. so it's just bad.#like it isnt done in a meaningfully way or sensical to my understanding. it's like. pure show pandering fanon appeal.#so it's utterly meaningless as a whole with no point or purpose aside from it#can we go back to just using it for cool art visuals bc i think we can all appreciate a cool splash page of a church fight and stuff#but please. dont try to make it more than that if you arent going to do it well#SORRY I KNOW EVERYONE ON PLANET DD HAS MADE THIS POST BUT I REMEMBER AND GET SOOOOO IRRITATED!!!!! IT'S SO STUPID POINTLESS DUMB I HATE ITT#static.soundz
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the people who think that christianity is the worst most problematic religion ever and the people who think that islam is the worst most problematic religion ever are two sides of the same coin to me
#mind blank no original thoughts no nuance#not actually caring about women and other people who are negatively effected by the religion.#if you don't care about all women who are oppressed by religion then you don't care about any women#like the ppl on here who criticise xianity all the time for being sexist or homophobic#but then refuse to do that for any other religion?? ok so u dont actually care about women and gay people beyond ur culturally xian bubble👍#meanwhile they refuse to recognise that xians are oppressed in many parts of the world alongside other religious groups like muslims#just completely western centric#this isn't to deny that christianity is oppressive like ofc there's valid criticisms of it#personally i think the catholic church should be dismantled lol#but it is not uniquely oppressive and to pretend it is is to position victims of religious oppression in a hierarchy#with xians at the top while ignoring other victims and refusing to build up solidarity with them#and u could say that this is an online problem but it's not. its so pervasive in the actual world bc ppl are either focused on their own#experiences (which is understandable to an extent but still pls look at the world around u lol) or they are so focused on defeating bigotry#that they ignore any and all criticisms of another religion. which also is not helpful and actually damages their cause#not to mention the people who are actively harmed by forms of that religion everyday#this doesn't just apply to these two religions obviously but unfortunately this dominates western social cultural debate#like i think you could definitely make parallels here with irish history and politics and how the liberalisation of both the north and the#south is a key part of the peace process. northern protestants became more at ease & trusting of the roi when it started to liberalise and#develop out of essentially being a catholic theocracy. northern catholics were more accepting of the existence of ni when protestant#domination and the protestant churches/o.o. could no longer decide government actions#a united ireland is more likely now because the republic has (largely) thrown off the shackles of the catholic church#like in the late 20th century northern protestants were generally fearful of the republic and considering divorce wasnt legal there until#the 90s it was with good reason. it wasnt all in their heads lol#idk i just think there's similarities there#posting this against my better judgement. please engage in good faith if you engage at all lol
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