#is it a self insert too? yeah maybe so what

[vhenan-ma-ghilana]

wip of my mage lavellan :)

[line art + flat colour + working on lighting+bg+render]

lightly introduced her prior but i was dissatisfied with the work so i deleted it. here she is now 🧙‍♀️

[lemon-limess]

𝑺𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝑫𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔

Solivan Brugmansia x Fem! Reader

The Kid at the Back is an 18+ game and this post will contain 18+ content MINORS DNI

cw: somnophilia, non-con(?), unwanted touching, established relationship // not proofread

a little bit out of my zone, but a friend asked for this, so if i forget/incorrectly tag something please let me know!!

This... should be fine, right? You said it yourself, that he could use your thighs to get himself off while you did your homework. But you never said anything about being awake.

Sol tightens his grip on your sleeping form. Earlier, you drank his infamous orange juice and barely managed to make it to your bed before passing out.

Burying his nose into your hair, Sol takes a deep sniff, nearly moaning at your scent invading his nostrils. Fuck, you always did smell so good. Maybe he should buy the same products you use, and he could smell like you 24/7.

As much as Sol wants to stay the night, he knows he should be wrapping things up. Eying the clock with his orange eyes, Sol makes quick work of tugging your pajama pants to your mid-thighs and pulling his hard cock from its prison, all with one hand.

Luckily, you were laying on your side in front of him, so Sol didn't have to move you too much.

Positioning his cock to insert itself between your warm thighs, Sol nearly whimpers, before slipping inside. Oh shit... He groans at the warmth enveloping his hard, weeping cock. He's barely clinging to any self-restraint he has left.

Pulling his hips back, Sol watches the head of his cock leak pearly white beads and stain your panties

Oh, yeah, he's done for.

Like the filthy dog he was, Sol humps his cock in and out, in and out, in and out of your thighs. His long slender fingers were underneath your shirt, groping and squeezing at your breasts.

Sol tries to hide his moans by kissing and sucking at the back of your neck, but the little 'ah! ah! ah!'s always manage to escape his lips. Your bed creaks at every thrust, the springs groaning at the motion and weight.

With a few more thrusts and a cry of your name, Sol comes hard, hips stuttering as his cock paints your thighs and sheets white.

Well shit, he pants, eyeing the mess, that was intense.

Sol separates himself from your sleeping figure, although a bit reluctant, and cleans himself up before putting his cock back into his prison. After fixing your appearance and covering you with a blanket, Sol kisses your forehead and heads toward the window.

Slipping a foot out, Sol turns back to your sleeping form with a lovesick grin, "Goodnight, pumpkin," He whispered, "sweet dreams."

And disappears into the night.

-‘๑’-

When your alarm went off, you were embarrassed upon noticing your sticky, wet panties. "What a dream that was," You murmured before getting up to get ready for school.

Want more of this? Buy me a ko-fi! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[syoddeye]

simon doesn't pursue people, he operates more like a one-man strike team. his approach to human connection is transactional, pragmatic, a matter of logistics.

on the rare occasion he's looking for company, he wants someone easy, who won't fuss when he introduces them to a thin motel mattress. won't ask what he does for work or try to make plans for the morning. won't bother him about 'next time'. nothing long-term. no strings.

he doesn't have a 'type' so much as a protocol: pick someone malleable, pliant, and preferably on the pill.

then you start working at his local.

the first time he sees you, he doesn't notice much beyond the basics: efficiency, attentiveness, pouring pints and bantering with the regulars with aplomb. by the second or third time, he's paying closer attention. you're not just good at your job—you're quick, always three steps ahead of the chaos. you give out smiles left and right, but it's more muscle memory than genuine warmth. and you're clever, too. funny, even, when someone manages to earn your attention for longer than a transaction.

you could probably keep up with his humor. go toe-to-toe.

you're off-limits, though. that's the rule. bartenders are switzerland—neutral territory. don't shit where you eat. it's a system that works, so long as he doesn't let himself think too much about the view when you lean over the counter or the lilt of your voice when you ask what he's having tonight.

then one evening, you take another man's number. some leering idiot, too comfortable with inserting himself into your space, grinning like he's cracked your code because you haven't humbled him. simon doesn't react, not outwardly. he nurses his drink and watches as you smile, slip the napkin into your pocket, and turn back to the bar.

but that's when you become a problem.

he tells himself it doesn't matter, that it's nothing. he doesn't want a number or a date. but the thought of someone else having you—someone who doesn't know what to do with a woman like you—it's a splinter buried just deep enough to keep him thinking about it. irritating, prone to fester.

how to approach you, though? he can't be as direct as he'd like, can't pin you down with a look or crass words. no way to corner you when you're safe behind the counter, or disappearing through a staff door. hanging around until you're off would be pathetic. dog behavior, he thinks, with a twinge of contempt for the mental image. he's got too much self-respect for that, at least.

no, he's got to actually make an effort. use his words.

the next time he comes in, he waits. no more corner tables or watching from afar. he sits close, pretends not to notice how your hands look slicing a lime. he orders his usual and tries not to overthink your tone when you set it down in front of him.

"you alright?"

you reach for his card, fingers pinching the plastic, but he holds on, smirking when you tug and then huff.

this is the moment. his moment. the one he's been building toward in his head for days. but there's a hitch, a blip in his usual confidence, and he fumbles. he blames your perfume.

"so…you come here often?"

not what he meant to say, but not the worst.

the shockwave of his nuclear-level failure doesn't register until your lips twitch, and it finally sinks in. his eyes widen a fraction as the realization lands. oh, he's fucked it. all his rehearsing, for nothing.

"…yeah," you say, voice flat, a single brow raised as you gesture vaguely toward the bar around you. "i work here?"

his mouth dries, but his face doesn't change. he doesn't fight it when you pull the card out of his grasp. there's the barest glint of something in your eyes—amusement, maybe, or pity. he's not sure which is worse.

you turn away to ring him up, but when you glance back, he's gone.

next

[27spoons]

yapping yapping to you dudeeee. have you seen how nat treated mari's brat ass (and some of shauna's, too)? i was like: panties? where? *inserts that meme of an emoji with a dangling lingerie* like, the way her care and natural protective instincts kick in, even though others might give two fucks about her 😭😭 my baby, come here, i'll take care of youuuuu imagining a brat!reader making nat's days a living hell, but she can't possibly lash out, so she puts reader into a time-out (house arrest tf), or even brings them their portion of the food into their hut, ending up in nat "teaching reader" how to behave 😇 yuk, an innocent lesson

what if i said i wanted to be put in my place. what then. what if i said i need to piss nat off until she snaps at me, realises that i liked it, and then does it again?

nsfw blurb / smut / gn!afab!reader / porn w some plot / self-indulgent / not proofread we die like the cabin at the end of s2/ wc: 1260

natalie stands outside your shelter, the fresh scent of damp earth and cool spring air brushing past. the spring out here is deceptive—warmer than the cruel winter was but still bitter in the mornings and evenings. the soft hum of insects punctuate the silence that settles in the dim light of the evening.

inside, you restlessly lay on your makeshift bedroll, leg bouncing as you trace the light strips that filter through the gaps in your structure with your eyes. when she finally steps in—carrying a wooden bowl of stew—you glance up with a cocky grin that you already know nat will not like.

"well, well." you drawl, sitting up. "The Queen herself. To what do I owe the pleasure on this fine evening?"

nat doesn't bite. she places the bowl on the tree stump in front of you unceremoniously. "dinner," she says simply, straightening and crossing her arms.

"wow, room service?" you let out a low whistle, leaning back and lacing your fingers behind your head. "i gotta say, i'm kinda liking this whole 'house arrest' thing, you know? the perks are nice." a beat, "actually, is it too much to ask, or could i get some dessert?"

her jaw clenches, but she manages to keep her voice in check. "you seriously think this is funny?"

"i mean... yeah." you shrug. "let's be real, nat. you're supposed to be running this place or whatever, but here you are, babysitting me." you groan and sit back up, "doesn't really scream..." a beat as you feign thought, "fearsome leader, you know?"

nat's eyes narrow, and you swear you can feel the frustration radiating off of her. the distant sounds of the wilderness around you seems to grow at the sudden tension, filling the space between you two. "you really wanna test how far i'll go?"

your grin falters slightly, but you can't deny the subtle rush that builds inside of you at the way her voice lowers. "what are you gonna do? give me another stern talking-to?"

she steps closer, her worn combat boots crunching against the forest floor. she leans down just enough to meet your gaze, her voice shifting to that tone she knows gets you weak. “no. talking doesn’t seem to work with you.”

before you can fire back a retort, she's grabbing your jaw with her right hand and squeezing. "you aren't leaving this hut until i say so, and honestly?" her voice lowers further, "i don't think you deserve to leave after all this shit you've pulled, do you?"

you stare up at her, unsure if you're supposed to be feeling afraid, aroused, or both."uh…" you blink a few times, "wow, nat. you really got the whole… 'scary leader' thing down. i'm shaking in my boots."

a scoff leaves her lips, but she doesn't visibly react further to your sarcasm. "you can joke all you want, yeah? but we both know you'll listen to what i say. because if you don't…" her eyes flash down to your lips for a moment, "well, they don't last very long."

your stomach twists, but not because you're scared. well, maybe a little. but mostly? well, mostly you're just aroused.

and nat knows, if the way she smirks is any indication. "yeah. you know that, don't you?" her voice carries a teasing lilt that does unpleasant (but not unwelcome) things to your insides. "all you really want is to be put in your place." she grips your jaw a little tighter, "open your mouth more."

you do. your lips part on command, and you're rewarded with nat spitting into your mouth slowly. "close. don't swallow." you do as she asks, of course. there's no way she doesn't know you're ruining your underwear right about now. 

you swear you haven't taken a breath in a million years as she looks down at you, eyes sharp and calculating. "good. swallow." you comply, maintaining eye contact, then open your mouth to show her that you listen.

nat grins. "look at you. you can listen." 

she gives you a firm shove back onto your bedroll and follows you down. "but i think i still need to prove my point." 

one of her hands slides underneath the waistband to your pants without hesitation, and it takes everything in her to not make a sound of satisfaction at how wet you are already. "jesus. already?" she manages, the words almost coming out in a whine and breaking this facade of control. "you're fucking soaked."

"can't help it." you reply immediately, already feeling the fight in you leave the second she gets her hands on you, "it's you. you do this to me." you're already clenching around nothing, staring up at nat's form over your body with an expression of pure want. "please."

the girl almost scoffs at how quick you get to begging, considering it usually takes far longer to break you down. "damn. that was fast. you a little desperate?"

"fuck you—" you try and start, but your protests are quickly cut off with a sudden push of her forefinger into your cunt. "oh—"

"that's what i thought." she grins, starting to move her finger without giving you time to get used to the intrusion. "all talk and no game, yeah? not so big once someone actually starts taking charge."

your fingers dig into the soil around your bedroll, knowing better than to grab onto her right now. "that's not fair—"

another finger. "nothing is fucking fair." she bites, leaning down closer to your face, "we're trapped in the middle of goddamn nowhere, and you're talking to me about fair?" a harsh scoff leaves her lips as she begins pumping her fingers faster, "life isn't fucking fair."

you'd make a smart reply to that if you could, but it's sort of hard to do when her fingers are ruthlessly fucking in and out of you, your wetness soaking into the fabric of your underwear. "already so worked up." she tsks, "bet i could give you a third finger right now and you'd—" 

she does.

three fingers deep, fingers curling in and out of your pussy with a passion that only nat can possess, you groan and throw your head back. 

nat slaps her free hand over your mouth with a hiss, "jesus! do you want them to hear what's going on in here?" her fingers never cease in their actions as her gaze flicks to the entrance for a moment, watching to make sure no one is about to walk in on you two. "shit, i would never hear the end of this…" she murmurs before returning her gaze to you, hardening it slightly. "should have known you wouldn't be able to keep quiet." 

she grinds her palm against your clit with every crook of her fingers, and you can barely keep your eyes open at the harsh movements she fucks you with—pain and pleasure blurring together somewhere along the way. 

her breath ghosts over your ear as she leans down, and you can feel her smirk. "you're gonna come for me, and when you do, it's gonna happen again." you whine, and she chuckles lowly in response. "and again. until i fucking decide that you've finally understood how to listen to fucking orders."you stare up at her with wide eyes when she pulls her face back slightly, and nat's grin only widens further. "and we both know you have a hard time following orders." her fingers find that one spot, and you swear you see stars—"so i think it's gonna be a long night."

[astrobydalia]

Summer fling❤️‍🔥

Relatioship observations

work by astrobydalia

❤️‍🔥 A thing about Virgo Venus is that since this is Venus’ fall they tend to be socially awkward or have struggles reading the room. The type to make jokes or remarks that are a bit too direct and low-key break the mood. They tend to behave in ways that comes across as robotic or dry

❤️‍🔥 A similar thing happens with Scorpio/Aries Venus too (venus is debilitated here as well) they tend to behave in ways that breaks social harmony by being a little too bold or even scandalous (Examples of this energy: Marilyn Monroe, Doja Cat)

❤️‍🔥In general, unless the rest of the chart says otherwise, debilitated Venus positions gives the native low charisma and lower ability to blend in socially. Their demeanor tends to be too forward or rub people the wrong way.

❤️‍🔥What is up with Leo placements and becoming romantically obsessed with people that reject them? Either that or they enjoy perusing people who they "shouldn't" be with like authority figures or someone that is way out of their league

❤️‍🔥Just like Jupiter in a woman's chart tells you how her husband will be, I feel like Jupiter in man's chart will tell you what kind of husband he'll be to be honest

​❤️‍🔥​ Whenever I had Vertex in the 5th house of a Solar Return, romance was a significant thing during those years!! However it was always flings, situationships and stuff like that. The sign with gives more nuance like one year I had it in Sagittarius and I had a fleeting romance with a foreigner

❤️‍🔥 With debilitated moon (Capricorn/Scorpio Moon) I've noticed these natives tend to believe or feel like love is conditional. Things like loyalty, trust and care are earned and come with a price or you have to jump thorough endless hoops first in order to get them. They refuse to be vulnerable so they expect the other person to show their cards first and then MAYBE if you earn their trust they'll open up too but good luck with that LMAO.

❤️‍🔥 That being said, I noticed men with Capricorn/Scorpio Moon tend to marry a woman that is very self-righteous and controlling. Their choice for a life partner tends to be... yikes

❤️‍🔥 Capricorn/Scorpio Moon can be the type to be skeptical of the idea of true love. The difference is Scorpio Moons are most likely to convert into the lovey-dovey train once they find their person cause being water sign deep down they crave that intimacy. However Capricorn Moons are most likely to freeze their heart out even when their soulmate is right in front of them, unfortunately the more time passes the more cap moons tend to harden their hearts

❤️‍🔥 Scorpio Moon’s greatest fear is to be alone I’ve noticed. And yeah nobody wants that but trust me for Scorpio Moon this is a HUGE thing. When I say they crave intimacy I mean they CRAVE intimacy. If they could hot glue their loved ones to their body so they’re connected to them for life like siamese twins, they would.

❤️‍🔥 Taurus Moons are just as obsessive and sexual as scorpio moons, literally copy paste. They can also be just as toxic when underdeveloped. The difference is taurus moons are more nurturing and if they don't want you to leave they'll create a paradise or "golden cage" for you (vs Scorpio moons who tend to resort to emotional or mind games for this purpose). I was also surprised to discover how needy taurus moons become once they like you?? Idk how to explain it but it's like they wanna insert you in every aspect of their lives and low-key gatekeep you LMAO. On the other hand Scorpio Moons will push you away and play cat and mouse for a while if they see themselves catching feelings

❤️‍🔥In my opinion both moons (Scorpio and taurus) tend to seek possessiveness or control in their relationships and they usually have the upper hand or the most power I've noticed

❤️‍🔥Praying for gen z babies born under Scorpio Venus cause a lot of them have that placement square Aquarius Neptune and that combo is.... ooof. Romanticizing toxic delusional love that brainwashes the shit out of them YALL NEED TO WAKE THE FUCK UP

❤️‍🔥 When someone has their planets in your 12th house sign you have a fogged perception of this person, you tend to idolize them cause there are parts of them that you're blind to. However this person will feel confident in knowing your psyche as well as the unconscious motives behind your actions. This person has a knack to naturally know how to appeal to unconscious desires or fears you weren't even aware you had. For this reason you'll find this person either triggering and scary OR very addictive cause it almost feels like they penetrate your soul

❤️‍🔥 With that being said, people with planets in your 12th house are the best therapists for you or best people to vent to. Water houses in general can apply, but I feel like 12th house is better for this cause it rules over spiritual and emotional healing/cleansing specifically. This person can help you untangle your unconscious and you can feel sooooo much relief after talking or being with them. This will only apply if you trust them and they have good intentions ofc, otherwise they'll actually feed into your unconscious fears and make them worse

❤️‍🔥 People with placements on your 8th house secretly dislike and/or envy you, but still feel the need to be close with you cause they low-key wanna tear you down, wanna see you fail, wanna keep taps on you to make sure aren't too successful. I've seen SOOOOO many toxic fake friendships with this synastry... Although I've previously talked about positive manifestations of this overlay too, frankly this dynamic is what I've observed for the most part with this synastry if im honest with you

❤️‍🔥 I totally agree with @zeldasnotes when she said 8th house synastry is only good/tolerable when there’s mutual sexual attraction between the two, otherwise it’s annoying af. I believe this is because the two people can easily use sex to release all the intensity and tension between them instead of letting it build up or channeling it through toxic emotions like envy

❤️‍🔥 Okay but have you ever been genuinely loved by an Aries placement? When their heart is in it, they'll have unshakable loyalty. They’d move mountains for you, kill and fight for you. They are THE ride or dies

❤️‍🔥 A thing that I've seen a lot with women who have debilitated Jupiter (Virgo, Gemini, Capricorn) is that they have a husband that prioritized his work over their marriage/family. The husband is often away due to work or duties or just emotionally unavailable in general. These women tend to give up something about their life after marriage because they had to accommodate to their husband's life style, like if she has to move or give up her own job to be with him she will. For example: Grace Kelly (Gemini Jupiter) who quit acting after marring the prince of Monaco. Hailey Bieber (Capricorn Jupiter) who was exposed to a lot more public attention after marrying Justin and she said herself she's had to learn to adapt that being new part of her life now

❤️‍🔥 Another big thing I've seen with Saturn influence in the 7th house is that your spouse will have big, BIG ambitions. People only talk about Jupiter or Venus but to be real with you, Saturn is an underrated indicator for your spouse being wealthy. This placement indicates that your spouse is stablished, successful and can easily provide stability for you. All the people I've seen with this placement married someone who had a business!!!!, their own house, a successful career, a household name, a higher position, etc

What I mean by Saturn influence on the 7th (for both Vedic and Tropical): Saturn in the 7th house Capricorn or Aquarius DSC 7th ruler in the 10th house (also maybe 11th house) or vice versa Saturn darakarka

❤️‍🔥 Mars-Pluto aspects definitely will make someone have pretty extreme kinks

❤️‍🔥 I’ve seen this a lot in Pisces Moons and Aries Moons that they low-key wanna be babied in a relationship or they subconsciously end up being the one who’s more coddled and taken care of by their partner

❤️‍🔥 Aries and Gemini placements in the composite chart is indicative of a relationship that likely won't last long-term. I've seen this placement in long lasting marriages too but their relationships gave off fling vibes, really playful, they type where people said they wouldn't last

❤️‍🔥 I’ve seen Saturn in the 7th house synastry manifesting as the opposite of commitment. The Saturn person blocks off the possibility of having a committed relationship with the house person and the house person feels abandoned

❤️‍🔥 With that being said Saturn in synastry/composite can indicate rejection in that area and things one or both parties will deprive the other of or deny them. For example Saturn in the 8th synastry/composite can mean one person refused to have sex with the other or there are many conditions and restrictions in the sex life of both

❤️‍🔥 Aquarius and Capricorn Mars/Venus are SO good at hiding their attraction from you. They'll watch from afar for some time before making some move meanwhile you'll be clueless of their interest

❤️‍🔥 Moon square Neptune is an aspect that makes someone emotionally insecure, the type to need constant reassurance that you still love them. Can also be emotionally manipulative in very subtle almost undetectable ways

❤️‍🔥 Earth Venus find it very easy to engage in casual dating/hook up culture because they know how to not get too attached. They have a hyper awareness of what purpose a certain relationship is serving them at the moment so they act accordingly

❤️‍🔥 On the other hand I’ve noticed Air Venus natives have a tendency to play around because they know they get the ick quickly. But it's all fun and games until they end up catching feelings accidentally 😭

❤️‍🔥 My experience having Gemini Jupiter in the 7th house: Yes all my suitors/dates have been foreigners but the cultural difference was never that big. They usually came from a country close to mine or their cultural background was very similar from mine

work by astrobydalia

[wordsofwhimsy]

❀ꗥ～𝐁𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧 ～ꗥ❀

❀ꗥ～ Part Two ～ꗥ❀

Pairing: Main!Mark Grayson x Southern Belle!Reader

Warnings: None

Tags: Fluff, slice-of-life, southern charm overload

Word Count: 2,303

Synopsis: Mark is definitely not obsessed with the new girl in school—he’s just... curious. Totally casual. Until she invites him to lunch under the big tree out front and serves up a full-on southern picnic. Between the cloth napkins and sweet tea, Mark finds himself spiraling farther into the honey-soaked abyss.

a/n: we in this y'all!!!! idk how many parts i'm gonna make for this but reader really got my ass in a mf chokehold 😭 boutta write a self insert x southern belle!reader fic LMAO jk

read part one ❀ꗥ～ Here! ～ꗥ❀

Mark walked into the cafeteria like he did every day—casual. Breezy. Totally unbothered. He was just a guy. Just a regular guy getting lunch like everybody else.

So what if he’d spent the last three hours thinking about the girl who sat next to him in biology? The one who talked like sweet tea tasted and looked like she’d stepped off the set of Gone with the Wind. That was… normal. Totally.

His eyes swept across the room as he passed the lunch line, definitely not looking for anyone in particular. Nope. Not at all. He was just… checking the place out. You know. Casually. Like a guy who did not care at all.

And yet—his gaze kept drifting. The same corners. The same tables. Maybe she left early. Maybe she wasn’t a cafeteria person. Maybe—

“So…” William’s voice cut in, eyeing him like he was trying to spot a fever. “You gonna stare into space all lunch or actually eat something?”

Mark blinked, yanked out of his spiral. “Huh? Yeah. I’m good. Totally fine.” He dropped his tray onto the table and shoved a handful of fries into his mouth like that would make it true. “Just thinking.”

“About what? The pizza?” William poked at his slice like it might bite him. “Pretty sure that thing’s been here since last semester.”

Mark gave a weak laugh, but his thoughts were already sliding back to you.

“Have you met the new girl yet?” The words slipped out before he could stop them. Like his brain had just been waiting for an opening.

William furrowed his brow, then his eyes lit with recognition. “Oh, the girl from Georgia? The one in that dress? Looked like she just wandered off the battlefield at Gettysburg?”

Mark choked a little on his soda. “She’s not—okay, she’s got a style. It’s charming.”

William smirked. “She was wearing pearls dude.”

Mark didn’t even try to fight the smile spreading across his face. “I know. It was… kinda amazing. She sat next to me in biology. She called me sugar.”

William snorted, shaking his head. “Are you—actually, yeah I believe it.” He leaned back in his chair, a smirk tugging at his mouth. “She would talk like a Southern Living magazine. Bet she drinks lemonade out of mason jars too.”

Mark leaned in, too excited to care. “She said something to me—I can’t remember exactly—but it was like… ‘You look sweeter than a cricket dipped in molasses on a June afternoon.’”

William blinked. “That’s… not a sentence.”

“No, no, it was something about pie. Or syrup? Maybe biscuits?” Mark frowned, trying to dig it back up. “‘Pretty as a pie cooling on the sill?’” He paused. “...That’s not right.”

William tilted his head, clearly entertained now. “You okay, man?”

Mark snapped back, blinking. “Huh?”

“I didn’t know you had a thing for southern girls.”

Mark opened his mouth to deny it. To say it wasn’t like that. That he was totally, absolutely fine. But instead, what came out was: “She gave me a butterscotch.”

William stared. Then nodded. “Oh yeah. You’re gone.”

But before Mark could sink any deeper into the warm, sugary spiral that was his brain on you, a flicker of movement outside the cafeteria windows caught his eye.

Under the biggest tree on campus—sprawling and sun-dappled like a snapshot straight off a postcard—there you were. Flowery dress. Ruffled sleeves. Lunchbox open beside you like something out of a 1950s Coca-Cola ad.

And then, like it was choreographed by fate itself—you looked up.

Right at him.

Mark froze. You smiled, your whole face lighting up like you’d been hoping he’d be look your way. Then you gave a little wave, the kind that made his stomach do cartwheels.

His first instinct was to look behind him. Surely you weren’t—wait. You were pointing. At him. Then you lifted your lunchbox slightly, tilted your head, and gave a beckoning little gesture, like Well, come on over, sugar.

Mark didn’t even feel himself move. His body had apparently filed for independence from his brain. One second he was at the table, the next he was halfway to the door.

“Dude,” William called after him. “You haven’t even finished your—”

Too late. He was already floating out the door like a cartoon character, drawn by the siren call of sweet tea, sunshine, and maybe—just maybe—a second butterscotch.

Mark tried to play it cool as he walked across the lawn. He really did.

He slowed his steps. Smoothed his sweater. Tried to remember how arms were supposed to move when walking like a normal person and not a malfunctioning robot. Unfortunately, none of it mattered, because the moment you looked up at him with that sweet, sunshiney smile—he short-circuited all over again.

“Well, hey there, darlin’,” you said, tucking a curl behind your ear. “You looked awfully lonely in that big ol’ cafeteria. Thought maybe you’d come keep me company.”

I will keep you company every day. I will build you a porch swing. I will learn how to make sweet tea from scratch. I will fight a bear for you. Just say the word.

Out loud, he managed: “Uh… sure. Yeah. That’d be cool.”

But as he got closer, he noticed something that almost made him trip.

You hadn’t just plopped down on the grass with a brown bag like everyone else. No—oh no. You had laid out a whole blanket. A soft yellow one, perfectly smoothed out beneath you like you were about to host a garden party and not just eat lunch behind the gym. There were napkins—cloth. A pastel plaid lunchbox. Was that… a tiny jar of honey?

Mark’s brain short-circuited again.

“You brought… a picnic?” he asked, voice caught somewhere between awe and confusion.

You just smiled and patted the spot beside you with one perfectly manicured hand. “Of course I did, sugar. What kind of lady eats her lunch sittin’ in the dirt like a possum?”

He sat slowly, like if he moved too fast you might vanish in a puff of lavender and lemon bars.

“I, uh… I usually just grab fries and call it a day,” he admitted.

“Well, that simply won’t do,” you said, already pulling out what looked like an entire home-cooked meal from your lunchbox. “I brought extra.”

Mark tried not to stare. There was a thermos. Cornbread. A spoon wrapped in a cloth napkin embroidered with your initials. The world around him went fuzzy.

“You, uh… pack lunch every day?” he asked, dazed.

“Mmmhmm,” you hummed, unscrewing the thermos lid. “Can’t rightly trust these cafeteria folks with my grits.”

Mark blinked. “Wait, you have grits in there?”

“Cheddar bacon,” you said with a proud little grin. “Made ’em this mornin’. Threw in just a pinch of hot sauce, too—don’t worry, not enough to make your ears ring.”

“You made these? Before school??”

You shrugged like it was nothing. “Sure did. Even had time to iron my skirt while the biscuits were browning.”

Mark stared. You offered him a spoonful of grits like you were handing him a sacred gift. He accepted it like one.

“Okay, uh, full disclosure, I don’t think I’ve ever actually had grits before,” he said.

You gasped, genuinely scandalized. “Never had grits? Oh, sugar, that’s a sin in some counties. Go on now—first bite’s the best.”

He took a bite. And stopped.

He blinked. Looked down. Looked back up at you.

“…This is stupid good,” he mumbled through a mouthful. “Like—I think I saw God for a second.”

You beamed. “Aren’t you sweet? They came out alright, I s’pose. Didn’t have time to melt a pat of butter on top.”

Mark laughed. “No, seriously. You’re like… a magician. Even without the butter.”

You leaned back on your elbows, pearls catching the sunlight. “And you,” you said with a wink, “are sweeter than my meemaw’s tea.”

Mark was absolutely, positively, entirely gone.

And just when he thought he couldn’t sink deeper—

“Oh!” you chirped, reaching back into your lunchbox. “Almost forgot dessert.”

Mark blinked. “There’s dessert?”

You unwrapped a tiny square of wax paper like it was gold, revealing a perfectly round, homemade pecan pie. An actual pie. At high school.

“I made a whole batch last night,” you said like it was nothing. “Wanted to bring one in case I made a new friend today.”

Mark stared at the pie. Then you. Then the pie again.

He almost said I love you out loud. Swallowed it back down with a wheeze. Accepted the pie like the precious relic it was.

It was flaky. Warm. Sweet. Perfect.

He let out a low, involuntary noise of appreciation. “Oh my god. That’s insane. How are you real?”

You just smiled sweetly, wiping a crumb off your skirt. “It’s just a little family recipe, s’all. Nothing special.”

Mark stared at you. No. It absolutely was something special. You were something special. The picnic blanket. The pearl necklace. The handmade pie. The fact that you didn’t even notice the effect you had on people—that you didn’t seem to realize you were currently starring in a very real, very serious romantic comedy happening exclusively inside his head.

And then you looked out across the lawn, something wistful in your eyes.

“This place is real different from where I grew up,” you said softly.

Mark blinked, the last bite of pie halfway to his mouth. “Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm,” you nodded, brushing your hands together to shake off some crumbs. “Back home, you can’t go ten minutes without runnin’ into somebody you know. My whole high school was the size of y’all’s lunchroom.”

Mark smiled, resting his chin on his hand like a lovesick golden retriever. “What was it like?”

You didn’t even notice the way he was looking at you. You were already off and ramblin’, voice all soft and syrupy and full of color.

“Well, let’s see… mornings usually started with the rooster two houses over gettin’ real full of himself. Mama always made sweet tea first thing—even before coffee—and you better believe if you didn’t say ‘good mornin’’ to every person you passed, someone’s auntie was gonna hear about it before you got home.”

Mark let out a soft laugh, totally enchanted.

“Church on Sundays, of course. Even if you didn’t believe in a lick of it, you showed up dressed to the nines and brought a pie so nobody asked too many questions. Summer nights were all lightning bugs and cicadas. And the air always smelled like grass and honeysuckle and heat.”

Mark smiled. “Heat has a smell?”

“Oh, absolutely,” you said, nodding like it was a universal truth. “Smells like pavement and freedom and the inside of your daddy’s truck after he’s been workin’ all day.” You laughed softly at yourself, brushing a curl back from your face. “Sorry, I’m ramblin’.”

“No—no, don’t stop,” Mark said quickly, leaning in without realizing it. “Seriously, I could listen to you talk forever.”

You smiled, a little bashful. “Aren’t you just the sweetest…”

But before you could say anything else—

BRRRRRRRRRRRRING.

The lunch bell screamed through the courtyard like it was personally out to ruin Mark’s life.

Mark flinched like he’d just been shot. “No. Noooooo,” he whispered under his breath, staring at the speaker mounted on the side of the building like it had committed a heinous crime against him personally.

You barely looked up, already starting to close your lunchbox with a frown. “Oh, I know, right?” you said, like he’d just commented on the weather. “Lunch period is way longer back home—forty-five minutes, sometimes an hour if the buses were runnin’ late. I mean, honestly, how’s a person supposed to eat a proper meal in thirty minutes? It’s barbaric.”

Mark blinked at you, utterly speechless. You were out here making actual points while he was two seconds away from flying up and ripping the school’s PA system out of the wall with his bare hands.

You just shook your head and sighed dramatically. “No time to digest, no time to gossip… and Lord knows I don’t rush when there’s pie involved.”

He stared. Absolutely down horrendous.

You crouched to fold up your picnic blanket with practiced grace, not a single crumb or wrinkle out of place. It was like witnessing the southern belle version of a superhero packing up her gear.

Mark watched you, stunned. You weren’t just charming—you were a menace. A dainty, smiling, cornbread-wielding menace.

You stood, tucking the blanket into your tote with care, and gave him that signature, sunshiney smile like you hadn’t just turned his entire world upside down.

“S’pose I’ll see you tomorrow, darlin’,” you said sweetly, adjusting the strap of your lunchbox like you were heading off to a garden party instead of sixth period. “Thanks for keepin’ me company.”

Mark just nodded, completely useless, mouth opening like he had something to say—anything—but nope. Nothing. Brain? Offline. Vocabulary? Deleted. All that came out was a vague, helpless little “Yeah.”

And with that, you turned and strolled across the grass, curls bouncing, the scent of peach preserves still lingering in the air behind you like a spell.

Mark stood there for a solid five seconds, staring at the spot where you’d been like he’d just watched the sun walk away from him.

Then he looked down at the almost empty pie tin in his hands. Looked up at the bell speaker. Back at the grass.

“…I’m gonna marry that girl,” he whispered, stunned.

He was so far gone, he didn’t even hear William walk up behind him.

“You gonna finish that, or just keep whispering to it like a weirdo?”

Mark jolted, clutching the tin protectively. “Get your own.”

read part three ❀ꗥ～ Here! ～ꗥ❀

[anisangeldust]

Cupids Arrow | S.M.

Summary: After falling pathetically in love; Sam Monroe decides to give Valentine’s Day a chance.

Pairing: Sam Monroe x popular!Fem reader

Warnings: annoying Sam, use of “faggot” (in a playful way) and “gaybo” (derogatory), lwk self loathing, loser in love Sam, kinda a heavy make out sesh, semi public smut, dry humping, premature ejaculation ? Whimpering Sam, reader teases him and he gets off on it.

A/N: this is lwk self insert and I’m not ashamed abt it. Also I lwk hate it but wtv :( happy vday!!

“Naw bro, she’s fine as fuck” Josh nudges his friend as you walk past. You’d switched high schools and joined the previous semester. It’s as if you were an overnight success, fresh blood, pretty face, and rich parents, a recipe for being the top of the social ladder.

Even sad, mopey, emo Sam Monroe wasn’t immune to your charm

“Fuck off dude, she’d never go for you. You look and act like a faggot. She needs a strong man.” Josh’s friend flexes and raises his eyebrows up and down at you. You rolled your eyes playfully and continued walking to class.

With a scowl, Sam’s eyes followed the whole interaction. What of you did want him? Why did he care? Sam didn’t want you, or your preppy attitude, you fluffy hair that fell above your boobs, your low rise Abercrombie & Finch jeans that barely pass dress code— No. No. He didn’t care about or notice you. You or your big eyes and full lips— No.

And he especially didn’t notice you or the way his heart rate sped up when you smiled at him.

——

If there’s one thing Sam hated more than his father it was P.E. You were the only thing that made the class tolerable. Except he didnt think that because he barely noticed you or your teeny Juicy Couture shorts at all.

Even worse than P.E. (And Sam’s dad) was dodgeball. Fuck dodgeball. Sam thought as he stood in the corner of the gym and watched all the popular guys peacock for your attention.

A star ball hit Sam in the face, and the accompanying voice of one of the jocks followed “you’re out gaybo! Sit the fuck down!” And Sam rolled his eyes, sitting down as he flipped off the guy.

Like a guardian angel sent by a god he didn’t believe in, you threw a ball at the jock and got him out, playfully flipping him off like Sam did.

You go up to Sam and offer a hand. “C’mon, you’re back in. You okay? Looked like a nasty hit.” You smile.

Despite the bit of chill in the winter air, Sam felt a warmth spread across his face. “Yeah no.. whatever. Im good. Im fine” he scoffs, taking your hand to get up and dropping it suddenly when he realizes he just accidentally held your hand

“M’kay” I smile and saunter off to keep playing.

——

“It doesn’t mean anything. Shes nice to everyone” Sam sighs and rubs his face as he and Corey sit in the roof of his station wagon.

Corey takes a long inhale of their shared cigarette “yeah but..” he exhales “she helped you.. or some shit. I don’t know. But I can feel it. She likes you dude” he lays back.

Sam leans back and looks up at the sky, biting his bottom lip in contemplation. “Yeah but— fuck man. I can’t just ask her to be my valentine. That’s corny. And she probably has one” Sam sighs

Corey rolls his eyes “does she even entertain the other guys? There’s no harm in asking. Just like, buy her flowers or chocolate or something I don’t know. But ask her” Corey takes a puff.

“Y’know what. Fuck it man. I’ll ask” Sam nods and takes the cigarette, taking a long breath in and letting the exhale dwindle away in the night sky, his mind on you, you and your plump lips..

“Do you think Angel likes roses?” Sam groans

Corey huffs “probably. Get some chocolate too. Shit dude, maybe even a card” he giggles.

——

Walking through the halls of the school had never been so embarrassing. Who did Sam think he was? Using the little bit of cash he had that he’d usually spend on weed for chocolate and stupid flowers? It was too late to back down now. He had to focus.. but even as you got closer he could feel your eyes on him..

Clutching the six roses in his hand, Sam clears his throat to get your attention. “Hey.. uhm— could I talk to you..?” He murmurs and looks around at your friends. Your popular friends, all hanging around your locker. This was a bad idea.

The gentle smile that teased the corner of your lips almost made him forget to breathe “Of course.” You smile and lead him away to a different hallway “we’ll be right back” you look back at your friend then focus on him.

Oh god he was going to do it. “Uhm.. I was wondering if maybe you’d like.. I dunno.. be my valentine?” He murmurs and holds out the roses, opening his backpack and grabbing the chocolate.

He couldn’t bring himself to look at you, he was so close to just walking away, but the gentle sound of your giggles bring his gaze back. “Of course I will Sammy” you take the gifts “thank you, these are beautiful.

He was shocked. You said yes? This was a joke. A bet. You were just pitying him. “Really?” He whispers, not quite registering that you actually agreed. “Well uhm.. how about I like.. take you to dinner..?” He spews before his mind can catch up with his mouth.

You smile wider “Yes really. And I’d like that.” You take out a notebook and scribble down two things “here’s my number and address. Let me know the details” you kiss his cheek “Bye Sammy”.

He’s eyes followed you like a magnet “See ya..” he mumbles, bringing a hand up to where you kissed him, gently touching the spot with the pads of his fingers.

——

Nervous wasn’t even in the ballpark of emotions he was feeling. This still had to be some elaborate prank, a joke, never mind that he’d called you 3 times and told you to be ready for a dinner he planned, his heart swelling at the excited tone of your voice. You’d stand him up, he’d drive to your house like an idiot and you’d tell him you weren’t serious.

Telling his parents was arguably just as nerve wracking.

<<Hey mom uhm, could you help me.. maybe?>> Sam mumbled to his mother, Robin, as she cooked dinner, her eyes widened in surprise as not only did her angsty son talk to her, but he was asking for help?

She smiled << yeah i suppose.. with what..?>> her tone was gentle, almost hesitant.

Sam shrugged <<I uhm.. like.. maybe have a Valentine’s Day date..>> he cleared his throat and had to stop the smile as his mom rattled on about who you were and then helped Sam with all the details.

Standing at the door of your very nice home, in his only pair of decent dress slacks and a black button down, Sam clutched the bouquet of roses his mom helped pick out and rang the doorbell.

A middle aged woman with sleek brown hair answered the door. “Ah, you must be Sam” she smiles.

Sam nods, running a hand through his black and blue hair “yeah.. that’s me” he gives a lopsided smile “is your daughter ready?” He asks.

“She should be.” Your mom turns into the house “darling! Your dates here!” And the click clack of heels meets Sam’s ears.

You looked stunning. Breathtaking. Sam was flummoxed as he met your gaze. Your dress was a beautiful blush color, and your makeup matched. Sam reminded himself to blink as you approached “Hey.. happy Valentine’s Day” he quirked up his lips and held out the bouquet of flowers.

“These are gorgeous. Thank you” you smile and take his hand, this time on purpose, and walk to his car. Sam opens the passenger seat before climbing in the drivers seat and twisting his key.

Mr. Self destruct by Nine Inch Nails starts to play up again and Sam quickly turns it off “Sorry.. I was uh..” he flushes with sudden embarrassment at his music taste.

You turn the dial back up “don’t apologize. I’d be happy to listen to the music you enjoy” you smile and admire his side profile as he drives, your eyes drawn to the way his hands fiddle with the gear shift, taking in the faint scent of weed that lingers on the leather seats. It was so him, so perfect.

——

The date was perfect. A beautiful awkward mix of Sam’s corny jokes and your elegant aura. It became clear that not only was it not a pity date, but maybe you actually liked him back? He tried not to let himself dwell on the idea. But as the server called you guys “cute” and you just thanked him, Sam could feel himself falling deeper into this boyish crush.

Walking out of the restaurant hand in hand, Sam decided to deviate from his original plan “We should get ice cream. I know this lookout point I smoke at sometimes. It’s perfect for stargazing” the sudden boost of confidence he had talking for him.

“I’d like that a lot” you take his hand and walk to his car.

——

For the first time Sam felt like the universe was on his side. Eating ice cream on Valentine’s Day, sitting in the open trunk of his car with the girl he likes and watching the stars after a successful date, the only thing that would make it better was if he didn’t have a raging boner from watching you lick cream off your lips.

As you got down to the bottom of your cone and started to lick the melted desert off your fingers, Sam wiggled and tried to pull away. But you noticed. Of course you noticed.

“Something wrong?” You look at him and scoot closer.

He swallowed audibly “nothing.. nothing wrong.. I’m great” he shakes his head vehemently.

You lean your head closer, the hot air mingling between you “you sure? You look flushed” you giggle and tease.

He dares to lean in “am not!”

You smile “are too” and then your lips attach. The kiss is heavy, full of Sams insecurity and your desire. His inexperienced tongue moves around your mouth, his pants growing tighter from the taste of your lips.

Climbing onto his lap, you finally see the source of his awkwardness “mmm.. is that what’s wrong?” You tease and gently move your hips over his hard on.

Sam gasps into the kiss, whimpering and letting his mouth part “y-yeah..” he stutters, trying to latch onto his last shred of gentlemanly thoughts.

“You’re so adorable” your giggles make him flushed.

“I’m not adorable.. I’m.. I dunno..” he stutters pathetically, panting into the kiss and bucking his hips up.

You keep moving “pretty sure you are. You’re whimpering like a loser. A cute loser” you kiss and suck on his jaw.

Sam lets out a moan “nuh uh..” he tries for the last time to hold on, but as he opens his eyes and meets your gaze, he’s done for. With one finally little whine, he cums in his pants, bucking his hips up and kissing you.

Both if you look at eachother with wide eyes, the look in his is terrified, the look in yours in playful “did you just..?” And he tears up

“Sorry.. ‘m so sorry.. couldn’t help it..” he pouts and looks at his lap.

You flick his nose to get his attention “I’m not mad Sammy.. that was.. hot” he giggle and kiss him again.

“Hot..?” He mumbles and his hands find your waist.

“And pathetic. Hot and pathetic.” You confirm with a nod of your head.

[the-shedevil-writes]

Breathin' (Bob Floyd x Reader)

DESCRIPTION: You’ve always kept your anxiety to yourself, not wanting to burden your boyfriend, Bob, with the weight of it. The last thing you want is to be too much. But when Rooster’s birthday lands you in the middle of a loud and crowded bar, things spiral fast. Overstimulated and overwhelmed, you try to hold it together… until you can’t. WORD COUNT: 4.1k WARNINGS: Anxiety disorder. Panic attacks. Drinking. Character gets grabbed. NOTES: This is TOTALLY not based off my own anxiety disorder and panic attacks!!! Not AT ALL! Not even a little bit... (Okay maybe a little bit). Also I didn't know whether to keep it originally as my self insert character or make it X Reader. But I figured more people liked X reader... *shrug* Let me know what you think. MY MASTERLIST - READ ON AO3

It was a combination of things over the past year that caused Y/n to develop her general anxiety. The people and flings who had destroyed her self-worth. The struggles she had with self-care that were substantiated by her full-to-the-brim schedule. And her lack of a proper diet due to time constraints surely didn’t help. It was a beautiful cacophony of ingredients to force her to recover from a period of major (and daily) panic attacks. 

So by the time she and Bob had started dating, she felt this heavy burden on her shoulders. She decided that she would do anything to keep Bob out of it. He was her boyfriend, not her therapist, and she fully lived by that idea. Especially because they had only been together for five months. She didn’t want to scare him off. 

It’s not that she kept it a secret. Bob knew. He knew that she had been seeing a therapist, but she didn’t like talking about what they discussed, so he didn’t pry. He watched her chew the ends of her sleeves to oblivion and her nails to stubs. He watched as she would forget to eat and get headaches that were difficult to manage. So he did his best to help out behind the scenes. Suggesting a new restaurant for them to try on days she didn’t eat. Filling up her water bottle. Scratching her head and shoulders when she was tense. They had to be things she didn’t notice, otherwise she’d feel this overwhelming guilt. But he held a sense of pride in being able to notice her tells and signals.

It was Rooster’s birthday, and all he asked for was for the group to go with him downtown to a new bar. Of course, she and Bob weren’t going to miss it. It had been a long day for the both of them, but Rooster was practically family at this point. He deserved to have a fun night with his friends. 

She rationalized in her head as Bob struggled to find parking. It’s just a bar. It’s gonna be just like Hard Deck, and she’s been there plenty of times. She’s been to plenty of bars before. This one would be no different. 

Bob looked over at her, practically seeing the smoke coming out of her overthinking head. He reached over, grabbed her hand, and gave it a kiss. “You excited?” He asked, testing the waters.

She nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. Excited to see Rooster drunk out of his mind tonight.” She joked.

He chuckled, finally finding a space in the very back. He backed the truck in, wrapping his arm around her headrest. His tongue stuck out slightly between his teeth as he focused. 

She sighed gently and grabbed a pocket mirror from her purse to check her makeup. Her lipstick was already cracking, so she dug in her purse for a lip gloss. Once he put the car in park, he looked over at her as she applied it. When she noticed his stare from the corner of her eye, she laughed.

“What?” She said, still checking her lips. 

“Nothing. Just admiring how pretty you are.” He said cheesily.

“Shut up.” She laughed, blushing. “Thank you.”

There was a small moment of silence as she rubbed her lips together and put her lipstick and mirror away. She looked over, surprised he wasn’t getting out of the car yet. 

“You ready?” 

He nodded, but sat there for a second before saying, “We don’t have to stay for long if you don’t want to.” He offered.

She looked at him, a little surprised and confused. “Do you not want to stay long?” 

He shrugged, “I don’t care much. But I know how you feel in new and loud places.” 

There it was. That sense of embarrassment bubbled in her chest. She didn’t wanna make him leave if he didn’t want to. And she felt that even if he was offering her an out right now, that couldn’t be his true feelings. What if he wanted to stay? What if he felt obligated to stay by her side? Bob was a good man. He would never leave her side if she so much as asked. But… she didn’t want him to feel stuck.

She shook her head. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a bar.”

He nodded, “Just say the word.” He said before taking the key out of the ignition and getting out of the car.

They walked down the busy downtown street. She held his hand as he led her through the crowd. Why did Rooster’s birthday have to be on an autumn Friday night? The avenue of bars was packed, and they hadn’t even made it to the bar yet. He squeezed her hand in reassurance without looking back, too focused on finding the clearest path and checking his text from Rooster that said they were outside. 

She spotted the tall mustache next to Hangman and Phoenix in line outside a big blue brick building. “Over there!” She yelled over the crowd.

Bob looked at where she pointed them out and nodded, adjusting his course that way. The three noticed them and cheered upon arrival. 

“There they are! We were getting worried!” Rooster announced.

She put on a smile, but she couldn’t help but note the tightness in her chest. Her vision felt blurred after whipping her head around the crowd so much. 

“Happy birthday, big guy.” She said, reaching up to hug him. 

Rooster hugged her, then hugged Bob after his greeting. 

“Glad you guys could make it.” He said, “Now, who’s ready to get demolished?”

They laughed, but both Bob and she knew they’d only have a few drinks. Neither of them liked to get too tipsy. Well, at least if they were going home together. They’d rather make good use of their time rather than drooling, passed out. Plus, Bob was driving; he’d have to sober up before the end of the night anyway. So he couldn’t ‘get demolished’ even if he wanted to.

As they drew closer to the door, the music was already blasting so loudly that it rumbled the sidewalk. They all made conversation, and she did her best to be part of it, but she wasn’t contributing as much as she normally would. She was so focused on trying not to seem distracted that, funnily enough, she ended up looking distracted. 

But luckily, the music was good. If the music wasn’t familiar, she’d already be a wreck. Music always grounded her in situations. And she became a mean drunk at parties with a bad playlist. 

She sang along to Mariah Carey’s ‘Fantasy’ and dramatically nodded to Bob as she sang all the words. He gently started singing along and bobbing his head as well, matching the energy. She giggled, and he looked down at her, relieved. 

Once they got their IDs checked and through the door, she looked around in the darkness. The space somehow managed to be huge and claustrophobic at the same time. With high ceilings and a crowded floor, it felt almost worse than outside. She tried to keep bobbing her head to the music and looking around at the green and pink lasers lighting the air. To the left of them was a glass bar lit up bright blue, and to their right was a retro-style arcade. Bob instantly looked at her with his jaw dropped, clearly excited to see the arcade, and she chuckled at how cute he looked. To the front of them was the dance floor that was packed with people jumping. This felt more like a nightclub than a bar, though these days there wasn’t much of a difference. But when she had heard that Rooster wanted to go to a new bar, she expected something closer to Hard Deck. She tried to keep her mind open. 

They miraculously found an open table to stand around.  

“Shots on me, for the birthday boy,” Hangman said, patting Rooster’s back, and he swatted him away jokingly. 

Shots? Was she about to take a shot? She looked over at Bob, but he was a little distracted by the spectacle of it all. Well, she could do it just this once for Rooster.

“Isn’t this place awesome?” Rooster yelled over the music.

She nodded. “It’s nice! Loud!”

They all laughed at that. 

“Sure ain’t Hard deck,” Phoenix commented.

After a few more minutes, Hangman came back, balancing a handful of shot glasses in his hands. Y/n quickly reached out, grabbing a few so they wouldn’t drop. 

“Have some faith in me, Y/n! I used to waiter.” He joked, passing out the shots.

She looked down at the liquid, unsure of what it was. “What is it?” She asked

“Just a Green Tea Shot. I was nice today.” Hangman said, and that instantly relieved her. Green Tea Shots were easy. They tasted good, and they didn’t consist of any vodka or tequila. “We gotta start out slow, then ramp our way up,” Hangman said, gesturing a ramp with his hands. 

“Remember, I’m driving, fellas. This is it for me.” Bob said.

Hangman and Rooster booed him jokingly. Though they’d never let him drink and drive, and would probably kill him before he did it with his girlfriend in the car.

“Why didn’t you get an Uber like a sane person?” Rooster asked.

Bob knew why. If something happened, he wanted to be there for her and be able to go straight home. He didn’t want the additional stress of realizing that Uber’s were forty dollars at 11 PM. It’s not like he wanted to drink anyway.

He shrugged. “I forgot-”

“Are we gonna take these shots or what?” Phoenix yelled out, making Y/n laugh as they had been holding their drinks for so long now. 

“Alright, ready?” Hangman raised his glass, “To Rooster! Happy Birthday!” 

Everybody else followed suit, yelling out ‘Happy Birthday!’. She took back the shot with ease. She used to do this all the time back in college. She used to party and go to bars every weekend. Dressing up and going out used to be her favorite thing to do. Yet now, when the bass of the speakers rocked through her whole body, she felt sick to her stomach.

After taking back the shot and a few celebratory cheers, she looked up at Bob. “Wanna look at the arcade?” She asked, already knowing his answer. 

His face lit up at that, and he nodded vigorously. He looked at the others. “We’re gonna go check out the games.” He announced.

The other three nodded. “We’re gonna drink some more. If you need to find us, we’ll probably be out dancing.” Rooster said.

Okay. That sounded like a good plan. She took Bob’s hand and they walked over to the section. It was a narrower hall, but there were much fewer people, and the speakers didn’t quite reach the area as hard. She was already sweaty, and she felt that sense of dread in her stomach, but this section of the bar felt a little better. 

She already knew what game he wanted to play first. Galaga. Bob was a secret nerd for retro games, and that was his favorite. He had an Atari 7800 plugged into his TV that he tried to hide from her during one of their first dates. He didn’t want to seem like a huge nerd, but that all faded away when they ended that date playing Pac-Man together until the early hours of the morning. 

She started leading him towards it, but Bob stopped in his tracks, pulling her back into him. She let out an “OOF” and a laugh as she bumped into his chest, looking up at him now. He smiled down at her as he cupped her face. But his expression turned serious for a second. 

“You doing okay?” He asked, brushing his thumbs over her hairline.

She took in a shaky breath. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m doing fine.” 

He tilted his head, almost unbelieving. “You sure?”

But now she was getting a little irritated. Why couldn’t he just leave it alone? Was she not doing a good enough job? Was she not being lively enough? Were people noticing?

“I’m fine, Bob. Seriously. Let’s go play some games.” She said sternly.

He looked into her eyes gently for a second, then smiled. “Okay, baby.” He said before kissing her quickly.

Bob played the first round of Galaga on his own, and she watched amused. She wasn’t even watching the screen for half the time. She just liked watching his focused face, like the one he made earlier when he was backing up the car. His lips slightly parted, and his brows furrowed down. The reflection of the pixel battleships lit up the lenses of his glasses. 

“You’re playing next.” He said, smiling mid-round. He knew that he could take a while playing this by himself, so he didn’t want to leave her out. 

“Bob!” She whined, “You know I’m the worst at this one.”

“I’ll show you.”

That’s how the next round she ended up in front of the machine, and he stood behind her. His hands overlapped hers on the joystick. She couldn’t stop the fit of giggles.

“Annnnd then you gotta go left left left left.” He said, nudging the joystick in her hands. She still did the same movements, but he could’ve totally just been the one in control. “Right right right right!” 

She laughed, so happy to just be with him. He rested his chin on her shoulder as they looked at the screen together. The little spaceship moved along with them. As the next round prepared, he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Stay focused!” She squealed, and for a moment, it was like all her anxiety had gone. Her tense heart and stomach relaxed. She didn’t feel nauseous or scared. It was the perfect distraction. 

After that round, Rooster, Hangman, and Phoenix came by a little sweatier and a little more drunk.

“What’s up, nerds?” Hangman teased as they walked up.

She smiled, and Bob laughed at their disheveled appearance. 

“Well, you guys definitely hit the dance floor,” Bob noted.

“And three more tequila shots.” Phoenix nodded with closed eyes. That’s when Rooster looked down at Y/n. “Come on, let’s get you a drink, sister. Since you’ve got a DD tonight.” 

She hesitated, and she looked up at Bob nervously, but he must have misconstrued it as asking for permission.

“If you want to, you can.” He said, and it’s not like he would’ve told her no if she was asking in the first place. “I’m staying sober now.”

“Uh- I mean- Sure?” She said to the group, and how could she say no when they all cheered her like that? She smiled, but it felt like it didn’t quite reach her eyes. It was getting harder to block out the noise, and she was getting more tired. Maybe the drink would help loosen her up?

They all made their way over to the bar. 

“Going to the bathroom,” Bob said to her as they went up to order, and she nodded with a smile. She watched him walk off, trying to find it. 

Next thing she knew, Rooster had four shots of brown liquor on the bartop.

“What are we doing?” Phoenix asked, a little gone.

“Jagerbombs,” Rooster smirked.

Huh? She had never had that before. Hangman nodded in approval, and that made her worried now. Any drink approved by Jake Seresin should be seriously reviewed. But they were already holding their glasses up, and she didn’t want to ask. She grabbed her shot glass and quickly caught up. 

“To Y/n!” Rooster cheered. Oh god, to her?

She chuckled nauseously and threw back the shot, and was met with fire. She instantly started to cough once it went down. Rooster quickly patted her back.

“You good?”

She nodded. It had tasted like cough syrup mixed with sriracha. And it was somehow fizzy. “What was that?” She asked, her chest actually hurting now.

“A Jagerbomb. It’s like liqueur with redbull!” He shouted over the music.

“Oh!” Fuck. Caffeine was the last thing she needed in her system.

It’s okay. It was only two shots. She told herself. It took seven to bring you down, Freshman year. But that was… how long ago now?

“We should dance,” Phoenix said with wide eyes now, excitedly looking at her. The thought of that crowd made her chest feel like it was concaving in on itself. And she was still recovering from the horrible shot. But Phoenix looked so excited, and Rooster and Hangman were already walking their way over there.

She nodded and followed Phoenix to the crowded dance floor. It was then that she realized that they hadn’t played a song she knew in a while. The fun 2000s pop was now replaced by hardcore rap that she didn’t recognize. She tried to weave through the crowd, awkwardly moving to the beat so she could watch and support her friend. 

But now they were near the middle of the masses. She looked back to where she came from, and could just barely see past to the bar. Her heart pounded in her ears. Why was she gonna cry right now? Nothing was happening. She took in a shaky breath and tried to dance, but it was weirdly stilted.

Then someone shoved into her, and she fell forward with a yelp, just barely catching herself in her heels. 

“Hey!” She yelled, facing back, but the people had already gone. And when she turned back around, Phoenix was gone. Oh no. She looked around frantically. Sure, Phoenix could get lost in the crowd, but Rooster and Hangman had to be tall enough to be noticed. Yet… they were nowhere to be seen. 

Now her breathing picked up. She felt this sense of dread course through her whole body as her hands started to shake. Tears pricked her eyes, and the harder she tried to suppress them, the worse her chest tightened. People were pushing and pulling her, and she struggled to maintain her balance.

Then, at the worst possible moment, a complete drunkard came up behind her and wrapped his grubby hands around her hips. She quickly screamed and pushed him off of her. She wanted to yell and cuss him out, but she froze, and he just stumbled on with his eyes half-lidded.

She started to cry. Really cry now. Her hand pressed to her chest, and she could feel her heart racing against the bass of the music. She couldn’t gain a bearing on her surroundings, as she felt like she was on a teacup ride. Everywhere just looked like a blur of people and purple darkness. Shadows danced and engulfed her as the dance floor blinked rapidly with a strobe light effect. The most intense selection they could’ve made.  

Finally, after a panicked moment, she just started moving. She needed to go somewhere, whether it was the right direction or not, didn’t matter. Getting through the crowd was difficult as people bumped into her and shoved against her, going the opposite direction. When she finally appeared on the other side of a mass, she didn’t realize that Bob had spotted her. 

He quickly ran over to her, working his way through the crowd as fast as he could. When he reached her, she finally saw clearly through her tears enough to recognize his face, and she quickly shoved her face into his chest, crying. 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Bob asked, worried, over the music.

She shook her head, frozen. Her lungs were on fire, as she could barely breathe. 

“Let’s go outside. Let’s get some fresh air.” He said, wrapping his arm around her.

They made their way out of the bar. He quickly sent a text to Rooster that they had to go outside and not to bother them with his free hand. 

The second they got into a clearing outside she sucked in a sharp inhale. As if she had been holding her breath that whole time. He walked her to a low brick wall a decent bit away from everybody else, and sat her down. The bumping music was much fainter now. It was like everything else was washing away to sea. 

“Breathe, baby, breathe.” He reminded her.

She took in a shaky deep breath, just like her therapist had told her to do. Counting in her head. It was a basic exercise that everyone knew. But it sometimes managed to actually work.

“I-I’m so-” She stammered.

He tilted his head, confused.

“I’m so s-stupid.” She finally let out with a cry. Her face crumpled, and tears streamed down.

His eyes widened. “What?!” He asked, surprised, “No, you’re not. Baby, what on earth are you talking about?” “I used to be fun.” She whined, and she felt the two shots buzzing in her head. She swore she wasn’t that much of a lightweight. But she also didn’t know what the hell else was in that Jagerbomb. “Now- Now I’m just scared. Of everything. I-I don’t know what happened to me.” She sobbed.

He sat down next to her now, wrapping his arm around her. “You’re so fun.” He said softly, “You have a little anxiety, but that doesn’t mean you’re not fun.” He shushed.

She sniffled, “I got lost on the dance floor, and- and this guy like grabbed me and- It was like I couldn’t figure out where I was.”

He listened. Even though he wanted to interrogate her, find this douchebag and kill him. He just listened, scratching the back of her head. 

“And I couldn’t find anyone. And my heart hurt and my head-” She hiccuped.

“Take some more deep breaths for me.” Bob reminded her.

She nodded and listened to him. After a shivering breath, she wiped her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “Don’t even apologize. Never do for this sorta thing.” 

“But I ruined the night.”

He chuckled, and for some reason, that helped. “No, you didn’t. I got to go out and play Galaga with my girlfriend. That’s like… straight out of my dreams.”

That made her laugh, and in turn, they both loosened up. Now that the music was fainter, they could hear the nighttime crickets chirping and the soothing rush of cars on the distant freeway. A cool breeze came by, and she quickly huddled against him for warmth. He rubbed her arm, trying his best to warm her up despite them being in the sweatiest building ever ten minutes prior. 

“I didn’t want you to get roped into this.” She whispered into his shoulder.

He shook his head again, “Y/n, when I say that I want all of you. I really mean all of you. I actively want to take care of you. It’s not something I feel that I have to do.” He explained, looking down at her. He looked straight into her eyes, wanting to get the point across. “You’re my girl. I want to be there for you.” 

She looked at him, just shocked for a second, before burying her face back into his chest and sniffling. She nodded slowly, letting him know that she accepted it.

“Idea,” Bob started, squeezing her shoulder, “We go to my place. I plug the Atari into my bedroom, and we can play Pac-Man until you fall asleep.”

“But what about Rooster’s birthday?” She asked, hiccuping.

“I’ll go in and say bye for us while you sit in the car with the heater on. Need you to set up a good playlist for the drive home.” He stated this like it was a mission. “How does that sound?” 

She nodded, making eye contact again, and the sight broke his heart. Her teary eyes and red face. Her eyes were all big and droopy in an exhausted way. “That sounds good.” She said, Then suddenly her eyes widened as she lit up slightly, “Oh- and- and I left ice cream in your freezer last time.” She suggested.

He kissed her forehead. “Perfect.”

Lying in Bob’s warm sheets, she curled against Bob’s chest as they played. Her voice was still a little hoarse from all the crying and yelling, but a relaxed smile appeared on her face. Bob would look down and check on her from time to time to make sure that beautiful smile was still on. 

Once they both died, she let out an “Aw!” and put her controller down. He chuckled at her disappointment. He gently traced his fingers up the side of her arm. 

“Hey… I had a fun night tonight.” He reassured softly.

She looked up and nodded with a small smile. “Mine got better.” 

“I want you to tell me next time, okay? If you’re nervous or anxious.” He said, “I can help. Unless you really and truly don’t want it.”

She sighed and nodded. “Okay. I promise I will next time. Only if you promise to do the same.”

He chuckled. “Of course.”

[goonforgeto]

❅・PARTY 4 U

SYNOPSIS —If there’s one thing Gojo Satoru knows how to do, it’s throw a party, the kind that becomes campus legend by Monday morning. With the grades, the girls, and the frat house loyalty, he seems to have it all. But maybe the real reason behind his biweekly ragers isn’t the crowd or the chaos — maybe it’s the one girl who never showed up.

WC — 5.7k

CONTENT — college/university au, gojo yearns a lot, use of y/n twice, mentions of drugs and alcohol, implied sex, implied hookups, fratboys (ew), i didnt know what to name the frat so we’re using alpha beta sigma, highkey a self insert if you squint :p, readers a year older than Satoru, 100 million time skips

a/n: in case you couldnt tell this is inspired by the great gatsby and party 4 u by charli xcx! this is a reupload if you have seen it before!

masterlist | divider 1 | divider 2 | read on ao3

fratboy!Satoru was whipped.

It all started at the middle of fall semester in his first year.

He’d always been attractive, sure, but after ditching the glasses the summer before highschool, something shifted. By the time senior year rolled around, girls were paying attention. A lot of attention. And it definitely went to his head.

By the second month of university? Satoru was a menace. Flirting with anything that breathed, flashing that stupid smile like it was currency, and always, always showing up at parties like he owned the place. 

He’d secured his spot in one of the university’s top social fraternities within the first week, like it was second nature. By then, rejection had become a foreign concept; he hadn’t heard a “no” in years, not from professors, not from party invites, and definitely not from girls. He strode through campus on confidence alone, all charm and winks, always knowing exactly what to say to get what he wanted.

Unfortunately, Satoru only realized the consequences of skipping half his data lectures when midterms rolled around and suddenly he was cramming in the library at midnight, surrounded by highlighters and half-empty cans of energy drinks.

He was completely unaware of just how unprepared he was. Sure, classes had been in full swing for weeks now, but somehow, between skipping lectures and partying three nights a week, he’d never gotten around to buying the damn textbook.

So here he was, sleep-deprived, dressed in a shirt he didn’t remember owning, trudging into the campus bookstore with the vague hope they still had a copy in stock.

"You got Data and Stats?" he asks the cashier, nodding toward the textbooks behind the counter.

The cashier points a thumb toward the back of the store. “Think there’s one left in the aisle by the back wall,” he says. “But no promises, it might’ve been snagged already.”

He rounded the corner too fast, eyes scanning the shelves, and collided straight into someone—hard enough to knock the breath out of his lungs.

“Shit—sorry,” he said, steadying you with a hand on your arm.

You blinked up at him, eyes wide, textbook already clutched to your chest.

Of course. The last copy.

You raised a brow at him, arms tightening just slightly around the book. “Watch it.”

“My bad,” he grinned, gaze flicking from the textbook to your face. “You a stats major?”

You looked unimpressed. “No. Just reviewing some concepts from first year.”

Satoru’s grin widened. “Smart and older,” he said, almost to himself. “Where’ve you been hiding?”

“I’m not hiding,” you said flatly, stepping to the side.

He followed. “I’m Gojo, by the way. Satoru.”

You didn’t offer your name. Just adjusted your grip on the textbook and said, “Nice.”

“Listen,” he tried again, leaning against the shelf casually, “I’ve been out of the loop, but I’m a fast learner. If you’re already reviewing this stuff, maybe you could tutor me a little? We could grab coffee. I’ll pay.”

You blinked. “You want to bribe me with overpriced caffeine to do your studying for you?”

“Well, when you say it like that,” he said, laughing, “yeah. Pretty much.”

“No thanks,” you said, already turning away.

But Gojo never was the type to take no for an answer, not without trying at least one more time.

“I’ll let you quiz me while I’m shirtless,” he called after you, hands cupped around his mouth. “Strictly for motivation, obviously!”

You didn’t even look back. “Keep the shirt on, Gojo.”

He smirked.

Game on.

Midterms came and went, and for once, Satoru didn’t care about his grades.

He found himself drifting through campus with one thing on his mind…you.

It had been two weeks since the bookstore. You’d turned him down with more ease than most people say hello. For some reason, that only made him more interested.

So, he started asking around.

“Yo, you ever seen a girl on campus? She’s a second year, kinda sharp, kinda scary?” he asked Suguru one night, nursing a red solo cup and leaning on the couch in their frat house.

Suguru squinted at him. “That describes half the RAs on campus. Be specific.”

Satoru sighed, running a hand through his hair. “She had the data textbook. Met her in the bookstore. She made me feel like I was failing a class I wasn’t even enrolled in.”

“Ah.” Suguru looked mildly amused. “You mean the one who told you to keep your shirt on?”

Satoru perked up. “You have seen her?”

Suguru shrugged. “No, you just can’t keep your mouth shut.”

He moved on to others, anyone who might’ve seen you at a party. But none of them had. Not even the quieter, more observant guys who tended to remember faces.

Which only made you more intriguing.

You weren’t a party regular. You weren’t in his classes. You weren’t showing up in any of the circles he ran through, which for a smaller, prestigious university, was definitely odd. It was like you’d vanished.

And Gojo Satoru, for once in his life, was losing his damn mind over someone who hadn’t given him the time of day.

Finals came about, and Satoru was no closer to finding you than he had been two months ago.

At this point, he’d practically become a fixture at the campus bookstore, enough that the cashier, a second-year named Haru, barely blinked when Satoru sauntered in with his usual energy and zero academic urgency.

“Hey,” Satoru leaned on the counter, spinning a pen from the stands between his fingers. “Did she stop by?”

Haru didn’t even look up from their phone. “Dude, I still don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“You know,” Satoru insisted, pushing a hand through his white hair. “She’s like this tall. Smart. Had a data and stats textbook and an attitude problem, ringing any bells?”

Haru finally glanced at him, deadpan. “Do you know how many people in here have an attitude and a stats textbook?”

“She told me to keep my shirt on.”

Pause.

A snort escaped before Haru could stop it. “Okay, that I remember. You were sulking for , like, three hours after that.”

“She was mysterious,” he defended. “It’s different.”

“She rejected you.”

Satoru huffed, flopping over the counter like a kicked puppy. “And now I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Please,” he said dramatically. “If you see her, just text me. I’ll pay you in eternal gratitude. And snacks.”

Haru raised a brow. “You already bring me snacks.”

“Exactly. So now it’ll just be… slightly more motivated.”

They rolled their eyes. “Fine. But you owe me if she’s real and not just some rejection-fueled hallucination.”

“She’s real,” Satoru grinned, standing upright again. “And when I see her, I’m gonna make her fall in love with me.”

“If you say so.”

There was a café about a mile off campus that Satoru had been meaning to try ever since his frat brother and roommate, Suguru landed a part-time job there. Not because he craved overpriced oat milk lattes or wanted to support local businesses, Satoru just liked free things, and free pastries via a friend behind the counter were reason enough to visit.

He had his laptop open, a half-finished spreadsheet glowing on the screen in front of him. To anyone passing by, he looked like the picture of productivity: earbuds in, brows furrowed, iced americano sweating beside his elbow.

In reality, he’d spent the last thirty minutes switching between Excel and an online quiz titled “What type of bread are you?”

(He was sourdough. Apparently because he “looks crusty but has depth.” He wasn’t sure if he should be offended.)

Suguru was behind the bar, sleeves rolled up and hair tied into a messy bun as he wiped down the counter with the kind of slow precision that said I get paid minimum wage. It was a normal, uneventful afternoon.

Until Satoru looked up… and nearly knocked over his drink.

You.

You were here. At this café. Talking to his roommate. Laughing, even, like you two knew each other. Like the universe had some sick sense of humour and decided to drop you into his life again when he least expected it.

He scrambled, nearly choking on his straw before yanking his earbuds out and hissing, “Suguru. Suguru.”

Suguru didn’t even glance up. “You’re not supposed to talk to me when I’m on shift.”

“I’ll Venmo you twenty bucks.”

“You still owe me thirty from last time.”

“Fine. Fifty. Just—who is that?”

Now Suguru looked up, eyes flicking over to where you stood at the register, wallet in hand. “Who? Her?”

“Yes, her. The girl with the nice hair and the resting bitch face… my bookstore girl.”

“Bookstore girl?”

Satoru groaned. “The one who you were just talking to.”

Recognition finally dawned on Suguru’s face. “Ohhh. You mean Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he echoed, the name rolling off his tongue like he’d been waiting to learn it his whole life. “Oh my god, Suguru, tell me everything.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s my fate, obviously, and I need a way in.”

Suguru looked unimpressed. “You mean a way to flirt with her again even though she very clearly rejected you?”

“That was foreplay.”

“That was you being annoying.”

Satoru leaned forward, whispering like it was a matter of national security. “Does she come here often? Is she seeing anyone? What’s her major? What’s her coffee order? Do you think she likes sourdough?”

Suguru blinked slowly. “You are so unwell.”

“Suguru, please,” Satoru whined, clutching his iced coffee like it might soothe the ache of desperation in his chest.

Suguru didn’t even bother to hide the exhaustion in his voice as he wiped down the espresso machine. “Send me my fifty bucks, and I’ll tell you what you want to know when I’m on break.”

Satoru blinked. “That’s blackmail.”

“It’s backpay.”

He groaned but immediately reached for his phone, opening Venmo and aggressively typing in his information before sending the payment.

“Done,” he said, shoving the screen in Suguru’s face.

Suguru glanced at it, then shrugged. “Alright. I’m off in ten. If you’re still here and not dramatically passed out from yearning by then, I’ll spill.”

Satoru leaned back in his seat with a grin that could’ve lit the café. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You never do,” Suguru muttered under his breath.

Ten minutes had never felt longer, but eventually, Surguru sat in front of him, his own coffee in hand. He didn’t even bother with a greeting.

“She’s a bio major,” Suguru said flatly, taking a long sip from his drink. “Wants to be a dentist.”

Satoru blinked. “That’s so hot.”

Suguru sighed, already regretting this. “Of course it is.”

“I mean, come on, she’s smart and she might give me free Invisalign one day?”

“She wouldn’t touch your mouth with a ten-foot pole,” Suguru deadpanned. “She’s focused. Doesn’t party much anymore. Commutes from downtown. No time for idiots.”

Satoru’s grin faltered. “Wait, what do you mean anymore?” He leaned forward, eyes narrowing. “She used to party?”

Suguru smirked over the rim of his cup. “You asked for info. I didn’t say I’d give it all away for free.”

“Please, Suguru,” Satoru practically begged, lowering his voice and leaning over the table. “I’ll restock the mini fridge this week.”

Suguru didn’t even look up from his drink. “I’d rather not open it and find nothing but melted sugar cubes again.”

“That was one time.”

“It was three times.”

“Suguru.”

He sighed like the weight of Satoru’s desperation was physically exhausting. “Fine,” he muttered, glancing around before lowering his voice. “She used to. But she got caught by a cop in the middle of freshman year.”

Satoru’s eyebrows shot up. “Doing what?”

“Dunno the full story. Something about a bottle and the wrong parking lot. No charges, but she got real quiet after that. Keeps her head down now. Doubt she’d come out again.”

Satoru leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, mind already racing. “Damn.”

Suguru gave him a look. “Don’t get any bright ideas.”

“Too late.”

Satoru’s gone before Suguru even finishes his 10 minute break.

Second year rolls around, and Satoru’s carrying a massive duffel bag up the cracked pavement of his fraternity’s front steps, sunglasses perched on his nose despite the overcast sky. The house is already buzzing with the chaos of returning members—someone’s blasting music on the second floor, someone else is yelling about a missing tub of protein powder, and the front door keeps swinging open with the screech of badly-oiled hinges.

He pauses at the threshold, taking in the scent of old beer and whatever candle someone’s mom insisted on leaving behind.

This year, he’s not a freshman sleeping in storage in the basement. He’s got a real room this time, second floor, corner window, just enough space for a larger mini fridge and his questionable collection of graphic tees. He drops his bag with a dramatic sigh and stretches like he’s been through war, not a 15-minute Uber ride.

He had an idea. A stupid one, maybe. But Satoru Gojo wasn’t exactly known for subtlety.

If the girl wasn’t coming to him, he’d create a reason for her to show up.

So he pitched it—loudly, obnoxiously, and with a whiteboard diagram no one asked for—at the weekly frat meeting.

“A party to start the year,” he declared, slapping the side of the board like it was a car hood. “Biggest of the year. We invite everyone. First-years, second-years, even that weird kid who sells meth outside the math building.”

From the couch, Suguru raised a brow. “Is this about that girl again?”

Satoru didn’t even blink. “No.”

“It’s definitely about the girl,” Suguru muttered, lowly to him.

“I mean, yes,” Satoru admitted, flopping into the armchair. “But it’s also about unity and brotherhood and throwing an insanely sick party.”

No one questioned it, so within three days, the plans were set. DJ booked, lighting rig rented, flyers printed (badly), and kegs on order. The party would be held Friday night, the first real weekend back, perfect timing for people still running on syllabus week energy and free drinks.

The night of the party arrived like a storm.

The house rang with music, lights bouncing off the walls, the bass heavy enough to shake the picture frames in the hallway. Students spilled into the yard, red solo cups in hand, laughter echoing over the sound of cheap EDM and even cheaper vodka.

Satoru had made his rounds. He high-fived half the finance department, danced with someone from the cheer team, and even took a tequila shot with a professor who definitely should not have been there. But , now, he was leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping water, eyes flicking to the door every time it opened.

Still no sign of you.

He wasn’t surprised, not really, but he still felt that tiny sting of disappointment settle under his skin, gnawing quietly.

“Why the long face, Gojo?” a voice purred beside him.

He glanced over. A girl in a too-tight crop top with too-red lipstick batted her lashes at him. She stepped closer, just enough that her perfume hit him in a wave.

“You’re not usually the brooding type,” she said, finger trailing along the hem of his shirt.

Satoru gave her a lopsided grin, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Just waiting on someone.”

She tilted her head. “Well… I’m someone.”

He chuckled, soft but genuine. “Yeah, you are.”

She leaned in, clearly expecting him to meet her halfway, but he didn’t.

Instead, he stepped back, lifting his water cup in mock cheers. “But I’m kinda holding out for a different someone tonight.”

The disappointment on her face was fleeting, quickly masked by a shrug as she wandered off toward the living room.

Satoru stayed there for a moment, alone with the distant thrum of music and his own stubborn hope.

Because you hadn’t come tonight. But that didn’t mean you wouldn’t eventually, and he was willing to wait.

That was the beginning of the social event(s?) of the year.

Every second Friday of the month, Satoru Gojo threw the wildest, most chaotic, most talked-about parties on campus. There was always a theme—90s rave, ski lodge in spring, blue (he never explained that one)—and the house was always packed. Students from all majors, all years, would pile in through the doors, spill out onto the lawn, and stay until sunrise.

At some point, rumor had it a few of the older frat brothers tried to rename the kitchen The Lean Lab after an incident involving what guests thought was purple punch, three freshmen passed out on the back porch, and Suguru handing out electrolytes, still clad in a bonnet and a bathrobe. Satoru never denied the allegation. In fact, he seemed kind of proud.

But no matter how loud the music got or how many people screamed his name when he walked in, Satoru’s eyes always scanned the crowd for you.

He never said it out loud, but his friends knew. Suguru definitely knew. Shoko teased him about it constantly, usually while stealing sips from his cup.

“You know she’s not showing, right?” she’d say, halfway through the second party of the semester. “She’s probably at home doing flashcards and drinking chamomile tea.”

“Let me dream,” Satoru would grin, tossing back his drink anyway.

In January, Satoru saw you again.

He had made a rare, out-of-character decision to actually study for his upcoming tests, a choice motivated less by academic responsibility and more by sheer boredom. Wandering into the campus library, he scanned the rows of private study rooms without much hope…until he saw you.

There you were, seated alone in a glass-walled room, completely absorbed in your notes, highlighter uncapped, earbuds in. The same girl he hadn’t seen since that day at the bookstore. The one he’d lowkey, maybe even highkey, thrown multiple house parties for. 

His feet moved before his brain did.

He rapped his knuckles gently against the door, watching as you glanced up in mild confusion, one earbud popping out.

You blinked at him. “Can I help you?”

Satoru smiled, all charm and false innocence. “Hey. So… I’ve got a huge test coming up and apparently everyone and their mom decided to study today.” He tilted his head toward the other rooms, which were, admittedly, mostly full. “Yours is the only room with space. Mind if I join you? I’ll be quiet. I swear.”

You looked at him for a moment, expression unreadable. Then your eyes flicked to the empty seats beside you.

“Fine,” you sigh, pushing the door open wider. “Just don’t talk.”

Satoru grins, slipping inside like he’s just gotten away with a heist. “Scout’s honor.”

You don’t look at him as he settles into the chair across from you. You just go back to your notes, highlighter in one hand, pen in the other. The silence stretches—ten seconds, then twenty. You can feel his eyes on you.

“Are you actually studying?” you mutter without looking up.

“Yup,” he says, cracking open a textbook that still has the price tag on it. “Absolutely.”

You glance up, just in time to catch him upside down trying to read the index. “You’re holding it upside down.”

“Right,” he nods solemnly, flipping it around. “That’s why I wasn’t learning anything.”

Despite yourself, a laugh pushes its way up your throat before you can stop it. You glance at him again, more curious now than annoyed.

“Do I know you?” you ask, narrowing your eyes.

He leans back in his chair, tossing his pen onto the table with a smug little smile. “You might. I’m unforgettable.”

You roll your eyes and go back to your notes.

“Biochem?” he guesses, nodding toward your open binder.

“Yeah.”

“You wanna be a doctor?”

“Dentist,” you correct, automatic. Then, softer, “Hopefully.”

Satoru’s quiet for a second. “That’s really hot.”

You don’t respond. But this time, when you look up at him, your lips are twitching just slightly.

“You said you wouldn’t talk,” you mutter, shooting him a glare over your notes.

“Hey,” Satoru says, holding his hands up in mock defense. “You talked to me first.”

His eyes lock with yours, and for a second, neither of you says anything. The room is still, save for the distant hum of the lights and the muffled turning of pages from somewhere down the hall.

And even though you’re clearly annoyed, Satoru feels his heartbeat pick up, his mouth suddenly dry. There’s something about the way you look at him, like you’re trying to decide whether he’s worth the energy it takes to deal with him.

He kind of hopes you decide he is.

“I’ll be quiet,” he says again, voice softer this time, less cocky. “Promise.”

You narrow your eyes one last time before turning back to your notes.

“Thanks,” you murmur, scribbling something in the margins of your textbook.

Satoru doesn’t speak after that. But his eyes linger on you just a few seconds longer than they should. He gets up to leave an hour later, stuffing his untouched notes into his bag and already mentally rearranging his schedule. If he moved next week’s party up by a solid seven days, he’d have just enough time to plan something big. Something loud. Something that would, hopefully, catch your attention for more than an hour in a study room.

“Thanks,” he mutters, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

You glance up from your notes and nod, more out of politeness than anything.

Satoru hesitates at the door, shifting his weight from one foot to the other like he’s suddenly not sure if he should say what he’s about to.

“Um… if you’re interested,” he says, scratching the back of his neck, “my frat’s throwing a party on Friday. Alpha Beta Sigma house. You should come.”

You blink at him, eyebrows raised just enough to show surprise. He can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing.

He adds, “There’ll be music. Drinks. Free pizza?” Then, quickly, “No pressure.”

You don’t say anything right away, just look at him for a moment too long, like you’re trying to figure out if this is a setup.

“I’ll think about it,” you say finally, voice unreadable.

Satoru smiles anyway, that lopsided, confident grin that’s gotten him in and out of trouble more times than he can count.

“I’ll save you a slice.”

And with that, he walks out, already pulling out his phone to text Suguru.

[Satoru]: partys on friday. need lights and sound set up. theme ideas???

Your typical Friday in your best friend’s dorm had taken a sharp turn from pizza and Netflix into something straight out of a high school coming-of-age movie. One second it was just the two of you, and the next, a swarm of girls had poured in, arms full of makeup bags and curling irons, shouting over each other about outfits and last-minute costume swaps.

To your dismay, your best friend had caught wind of Alpha Beta Sigma’s Great Gatsby-themed party, and ever since, it was all she could talk about. Apparently, the only way she wanted to ring in her 21st was by flouncing into a frat house full of plastic champagne flutes, men in suspenders, and gold streamers taped to the ceiling.

She'd even lent you a dress, something slinky and glittery that you wouldn’t have picked out yourself, and insisted you had no choice but to come. “You’re my emotional support introvert,” she said, grinning as she tugged a brush through your hair. “If I’m going to get blackout drunk and scream-sing Lana Del Rey on a stranger’s balcony, I want you beside me.”

You sighed, but didn’t fight her. You owed her at least that.

Still, you weren’t expecting to be nervous. Not until you caught sight of your reflection, makeup done and outfit clinging in all the right places.

It’s louder than you expected.

Bass-heavy music pulses through the floorboards, vibrating through your heels and the hem of your borrowed dress. Gold streamers flutter like dying stars in the hallway, and someone spills half a drink as they stumble past you, laughing like the world is ending and that’s the best news they’ve heard all week.

It takes you right back to your partying habits of freshman year. You know that you don’t belong here the moment you slip into the party and feel yourself retreat into the corners of the room, the ones not drenched in strobe lights or attention.

You're tucked into an armchair in what must’ve once been a living room, watching silhouettes dance in slow-motion through the haze of a fog machine someone thought was a good idea. You sip flat soda from a red plastic cup. You told your friend you’d be fine alone for a while—and honestly, you meant it.

That is, until you hear his voice.

“You know,” Satoru says, appearing like some careless daydream beside you. “I think this party was missing something until now.”

You glance at him, raising an eyebrow. “Let me guess. Me?”

“Exactly,” he says with a grin. “You get it.”

You roll your eyes.

He doesn’t sit too close, but he does sit beside you, shoulders angled just slightly toward yours.

“Didn’t think you’d come,” he says after a beat, voice quieter now, soft in a way that cuts through the music like it’s meant just for you.

You shrug. “My best friend dragged me.”

“Good friend,” he murmurs. “I’m glad you’re here.”

You glance at him sideways, the smoke from a fog machine catching in your lashes. “You don’t even know me.”

He smiles, slow and honest. “Not yet. But I’ve been hoping to.”

That makes your stomach flutter, annoyingly so. You look away, focusing instead on the rim of your cup. “You’ve got, what, half the school in your DMs? You sure it’s me you’re hoping to get to know?”

“I’m not interested in half the school,” he says, not missing a beat. “I’m interested in you.”

You continue to glare at him. 

“I’m interested in the girl who told me to shut up in the bookstore like I wasn’t the most charming guy on campus.”

You snort. “You were being loud.”

“You were being cute.”

You shake your head, laughing despite yourself. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re finally talking to me,” he says, voice dipping low with something fond behind it. “So, impossible’s working out for me so far.”

You meet his gaze this time, steady. “You always flirt like this?”

He tilts his head, considering. “Only when I really mean it.”

You go quiet at that. Not because it’s awkward, but because you feel the tension shift, slightly deeper, slightly heavier.

Satoru notices too. He leans back in the chair, stretching his legs out in front of him, knees brushing yours. “So… what do you actually like doing? When you’re not running from frat parties and causing lost boys to fail their exams.”

You smile at that. “Stuff that doesn’t involve basslines that make my brain rattle.”

He pretends to gasp. “So you’re telling me this isn’t your scene?”

“You’re surprised?”

He shrugs. “A little. Thought maybe you were just elusive.”

“Try allergic.”

“Gotcha,” he says, his smile soft now. “So next time, I’ll skip the party and ask you somewhere quieter.”

Your heart skips once. “Next time?”

“Yeah,” he says simply. “If there’s a chance for one.”

You’re quiet again, but you don’t look away this time.

“…I’ll think about it.”

“You, know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he says suddenly, before you can respond. “Since I first met you.”

You glance at him, surprised, and he laughs under his breath.

“I don’t know. There was something about it. About you. I didn’t think it’d stick with me, but it did.”

A part of you wants to ask if this is just more of his usual lines, but something about the way he’s looking at you—less like a dare, more like a confession—stops you.

“Is that why you keep throwing these parties?” you ask, half-teasingly.

He pauses, smile turning sheepish. “Kind of.”

You blink. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

You both sit in silence for a second. Satoru’s afraid he’s said the wrong thing. 

“I don’t really do that. Think, I mean. About anyone. Not like that. And I kept thinking I’d just see you again eventually if I kept showing up, if I kept being loud enough or... visible enough.”

You stay quiet, watching him. The party hums on in the distance, but it’s quiet here. Just him and you and the truth beginning to unravel.

“But then I started wondering about you. Like, what kind of music do you listen to when you’re sad? Or if you have a weird food combination you eat when you’re stressed. I want to know if you read the backs of shampoo bottles in the shower or if you sing with your whole chest when you’re alone in the car. I want to know what your laugh sounds like when you really mean it. What kind of drunk you are. If you’ve ever broken a bone. What your childhood best friend’s name was.”

He leans forward a little, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together. “And it stopped being about getting your number or proving anything. I just—I started caring. About you. About the kind of day you’ve had. About whether you ever felt alone even in a room full of people.”

You blink, caught off guard by the honesty. He shrugs, eyes flicking to the cup in your hand before returning to yours.

“I guess I just wanted a chance. To know you. And I get that maybe that’s weird, or a lot, but I’m not really good at pretending I don’t want things when I want them. And you? You’re the first thing I’ve wanted in a long time that isn’t temporary.”

There’s a beat of silence. Then he laughs, more to himself than anything.

“God, I sound insane. Like a rom-com stalker. But I swear, I’m not. I just… really, really like you.”

You look at him fully now, really look, and you see the way his leg bounces just slightly, the way his hand flexes around his own cup. He’s nervous. Gojo Satoru is actually nervous.

His voice dips, softer now, less performative.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention,” he says quietly. “And I thought—maybe tonight, I finally would.”

The music shifts to something slower, a synth-drenched beat washing over the room like a lull in a storm. Someone’s laughing down the hall. You swear the whole world softens for a moment.

“So?” he asks, voice low. “Can I take you out sometime? Like, actually out. No frat houses. Just me and you.”

You’re quiet for a moment, watching him.

Then: “Okay,” you say.

His grin grows, eyes lighting up in a way that makes your chest flutter.

“Yeah?” he says.

“Yeah,” you confirm. “But only if you actually study next time you’re in the library.”

“Deal,” he laughs. “Swear on my GPA.”

Six months later, you roll over in your bed, expecting the cool brush of your sheets against bare skin, only to be met with warmth.

Your cheek presses lightly against Satoru’s chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat the first sound you register as sleep slips from your body. His arm is already around you, tightening slightly at your movement, like even in sleep he can sense you trying to leave.

You let out a small sigh, content, and burrow closer.

“You’re awake?” he murmurs, voice gravelly and still thick with sleep.

“Barely,” you whisper.

He hums, the sound vibrating beneath your ear. “Good. Stay.”

You smile against his skin, your fingers absentmindedly tracing along the curve of his ribcage. “I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Mm,” he mumbles, one eye cracked open now. “Didn’t dream about anyone else, right?”

You snort. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Whatever,” he says, half-asleep. “I love you.”

You glance up at him, his snowy lashes fluttering as he begins to open his eyes.

“I’ll allow it,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his chest. He tugs you in tighter, his arms sliding lower over the curves of your bare body until there’s no space left between you. His breath grazes the top of your head as he murmurs, half-lost in the haze of sleep and morning light,.

“I can’t believe you’re real sometimes.”

The quiet admission makes your heart skip. You lift your head just enough to meet his gaze.

You blink slowly, a smile tugging at your lips. “I’m the one who should be saying that,” you whisper.

Satoru huffs a laugh but doesn’t let go, fingers tracing lazy patterns down your spine. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “But I’ve had dreams like this before.”

He presses a kiss to your forehead. “They’ve never felt this good.”

“Whatever you say, Satoru,” you murmur.

He doesn’t answer right away. Just hums, his chin resting on top of your head, arms still wrapped around you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he loosens his grip.

It hits you then, how much he’s changed.

Six months ago, Friday nights meant house parties that started with cheap drinks and ended in chaos. A different girl on his arm every week. His name always floating in the air, always said with a giggle or an eye roll. But now?

Now Friday nights mean falling asleep tangled in your limbs, shared takeout containers, and quiet conversations over shows neither of you finish because you’re too busy listening to each other. His phone is always face down. His texts are fewer but more thoughtful. And when someone brings up the next frat party, he waves them off with a shrug, saying he’s already got plans.

Plans that usually involve you, a hoodie that probably used to be his, and a quiet night at home.

Still, it’s hard to resist teasing him, especially when his past is so easy to poke fun at.

“So,” you whisper, cupping his face with both hands, thumbs brushing the corners of his mouth, “what’s the theme of tonight’s party?”

He groans softly, but there’s a smile tugging at his lips. “Hey, you know I only threw those parties for you.”

You snort. “Sure you did.”

pls do not copy, repost, or claim my work as your own :) if you have any issues with what i wrote or noticed any mistakes, let me know privately. thank you for reading <3

[teaspacebar]

spiced chai (pt. 2)

part one

pairing: carmen "carmy" berzatto x reader

summary: you grow closer to carmen berzatto as the seasons change. your walls are coming down, and carmy sees you at a low point.

word count: ~8.4k

warnings: language, depictions of mental illness, barista!reader, afab!reader (reader referred to as 'girl' once, but for all intents and purposes, they are nb), neurodivergent!reader, reader has a meltdown/shutdown, they still don't kiss, yearning/pining, hurt/comfort, weed usage (reader smokes a little), reader has a complicated relationship with their mother.

a/n: hello lovelies! part two is finally here after months of me picking away at it. i hope you enjoy and once again, this is learning toward self insert material, so if you don't like, don't read. i am queer, non-binary, and autistic and i am enjoying exploring that in this space. feel free to leave any asks if you have questions about carmy + reader (my beloveds). also thank you to my lovely beta @straight-n-arrow. enjoy *mwah*

You were right.

Not to say that you were right all the time — it took you months to figure out Carmy’s drink. But you did it, if the look on his face is any indication. His eyelashes flutter as he takes another drink, and you dance victoriously.

Carmen raises his eyebrows at you as he puts his cup down, “Yeah?”

You shrug, grinning, “You can say it. I’m a genius.”

”You’re a genius,” he murmurs, hiding a smile with the back of his hand.

”Thank you.” You curtsy dramatically.

”No, but seriously, I’ve had chai before, but this tastes different.” 

You weren’t about to tell him how many different chai concentrates you had to try before you found the right one. It was far too many.

”Barista secret, sorry.” You say, not sorry at all. You push a cookie across the counter to him, which he snags a piece of. He watches you for a moment, and you blurt out, “It’s masala chai. There’s actual spices in it, instead of just the tea. It’s Indian. I had it once — at a tea shop — and I loved it. Regular chai just doesn’t hit quite right anymore.” You lean against the counter, squishing your face as you hold your head up with your hands. “You like it?” Reassurance, asked for casually, as the insecurity bubbles up inside of you.

“It’s really good.” He knocks on the counter twice, mumbling, “Thank you.”

Heat rises up the back of your neck, and you shrug. “I told you I’d find your drink. Wouldn’t be a good barista otherwise.” You rock back on your heels, jitters buzzing through your body.

“I - uh, started listening to that playlist you sent me.” 

You almost launch yourself at him, being held back by the counter between you. Your hands grab his arm, and it takes everything inside you to not shake him. “Oh my god, this is the best thing you could have told me! Thoughts? Comments? A ten page essay?”

The playlist Carmy spoke of is one of many in your repertoire. You have a playlist for almost any occasion, and you started putting together a playlist specifically for Carmen when he commented on your music taste one late night at Nan’s. Any time a song comes on you think he’d like — for one reason or another — gets added to the playlist. You’re surprised he actually listened to it at all though.

Music is your lifeblood. Whenever you can’t grasp an understanding of your own feelings, you listen to music to help you figure it out. It’s always been a little difficult for you to understand what you were feeling in the moment. Alexythymia — you remember the word your old therapist (the one good one you had) told you. Probably has to do with how used to masking you are. Ergo, playlists. Music blasting as loud as it can go in your headphones and in your car. Grounding you to this planet…or maybe to aid in your dissociation.

But hey, you never said all of your coping mechanisms were good ones.

Carmy laughs, your excitement infectious. “I’ll have to get back to you on the essay.”

You stick your tongue out at him, nose scrunched. “Ugh, fine. Party pooper.”

“My middle name.”

Gasping, you blink at him with exaggerated wide eyes. “Carmen Berzatto, did you just make a joke?”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” He sips at his drink, staring at the counter for a moment. “Are you, uh, coming to the baby shower thing?”

The thing that Neil had told you about a few weeks ago. That you had agreed to go to without really hearing the conversation. Natalie’s having a post-birth baby shower, of which you got an actual evite from Natalie herself after you said yes to Neil. Other people from The Bear were going, so it wasn’t like you were just invited to a family only function. But you also haven’t been to a party in…who knows how long. And Natalie was literally the sweetest human on the planet, and you wouldn’t say no to looking at a cute baby.

A cute little baby Berzatto. You vaguely wonder what Carmy looked like as a baby — all curly hair, blue eyes, and that same dimple. Maybe Natalie has photos somewhere.

A thought for another time.

“Oh,” you gnaw on the inside of your lip, “I think so. You’re going?”

He nods, “Closing the restaurant early. Just window and lunch service.”

“That’s nice!” You hesitate to say anything more about The Bear. Things seem to be getting better, if the words of Syd, Marcus, and Richie were anything to go by. Chatter you hear while they pick up drinks from you before heading down the street. “I’ll probably come by, at least to say hi.” 

“Cool.”

You squint at him, “You gotta promise you’ll save me from making a fool of myself.”

Carmy looks at you incredulously, like you’re missing something, but he relents, “Only if you do the same for me.”

“Deal.” You reach out your hand, raising an eyebrow. He rolls his eyes, but grabs your hand as you shake it dramatically. “Pleasure doing business, Mr. Berzatto.”

Carmen swallows back the acid in his throat as he looks around the crowded living room of his sister’s house. He really should have brought some Pepto tablets or something. He’s nursing a beer in his hand, a cheap one that Pete had in the fridge. It doesn’t help the heartburn, and in all honestly Carmen has barely touched it. He’s said hello to Natalie, and the baby, at least. 

He hasn’t seen you anywhere, though. Which puts a different feeling in his stomach, one he doesn’t care to evaluate in the current moment. Taking a drink from his beer, he grimaces, staring at it in contempt. He decides to see if he can find something actually drinkable, maybe in the garage fridge, and he leaves the corner he was hiding in.

As if by thinking you into existence, he spots you near the entryway across from the living room. He goes to walk over to you, but stops when he sees a little blur ram straight into your legs, arms wrapping around your waist.

Eva, Richie’s daughter, grins up at you. You return it, crouching down to give her a proper hug. Richie is soon to follow, calling out your name and clapping you on the shoulder. 

It’s like someone’s twisted his stomach into knots.

He watches you smile and chat animatedly with Richie and Eva, letting the little girl grab your arms and use you as a jungle gym. You’re pulled into the living room, a chorus of your name being called by his coworkers, and Carmy dips into the kitchen. 

He catches his sister deep in a bowl of some five-layer bean dip thing one of Pete’s relatives bought from Costco. 

She’s eating it with a spoon. A big one. Which she waves at him with a glare, “Bear, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Hey I didn’t say anything.” He slides by her to open up the fridge, staring into it. “You have anything decent to drink?”

“No, just some juice, and Diet Coke, I think.” She takes another bite of the dip. “I got rid of anything above a 5% alcohol content months ago.”

“Why?” Silence falls between the siblings for a moment, then Carmy shakes his head. “No, sorry, yeah. Makes sense. I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s okay, Bear.” He can tell she means it. That he didn’t fuck up. “I don’t think it’ll be a problem, really. I just…wanted to make sure, you know?”

“Yeah.” He chews on his next sentence, shutting the fridge to look at Nat. “You-You’re gonna be a great mom.” He immediately sees tears start to well up in her eyes. “Hey, I’m sorry. Shit, I didn’t — it’s okay.”

Natalie sets the tray of dip on the table, laughing as she presses her hands to her eyes. Carmen is quiet; he fiddles with the packet of nicotine gum in his pocket. He barely realizes what’s happening until her arms are wrapped around him and her face in his neck. “Thank you, Carm.”

Something in him rights itself. Like a little lightbulb is finally screwed in all the way and it finally blinks on. 

Natalie pushes his shoulder a little and steps out of the embrace. “Okay, enough sap. I have to go check on my baby. I swear if Richie makes one more joke about dropping her I might actually kill him.” She takes one more spoonful of bean dip, humming happily. “Don’t hide in here for too long, okay?” He nods his assent, and his sister leaves. 

Carmen follows after her a few minutes later. His gaze finds you without him even trying, as if you have your own gravitational pull. You’re in a little circle with Syd and Marcus on the far side of the room. And maybe you feel it, too, because your eyes lock with his and a smile pulls at your lips. His feet push him forward, but he’s caught by Pete’s brother. Carmy’s pulled into the conversation, Natalie coming over with the baby. She helps him figure out how to hold her entirely too fragile body in his arms, and although he’s itching for a cigarette to ease his nerves, he’s content. Happy, even.

He catches your eyes again, and you make a face, sticking your tongue out at him. Carmy huffs a laugh, shaking his head, while you turn back to engage with his coworkers — his friends.

It’s later in the evening that Carmy finds you outside. The sun has set, sky fading from hues of pink and orange to a cool indigo. There’s a chill in the air, a sign that fall is truly on its way. He had snagged a cigarette off Richie earlier, deciding he deserved to sneak one. He’s been here for a couple hours. All hell hasn’t broken loose. Having a smoke definitely isn’t the worst thing he could do.

He goes out the side door, through the gate that leads back to the front of the house. He’s sure he has a lighter in his car, stashed in the center console somewhere. Nicotine gum be damned.

You’re sitting on the curb, head turned toward the sky, arms resting on your knees. A blanket of calm covers you, but something lingers underneath. Loneliness, maybe. Self-imposed, because it’s easier than holding a smile on your lips around people you barely know. That tug, the one that he constantly feels when he sees you, urges him forward. You must not have heard him walking up, because you jolt when he asks, “You okay?”

“Carmen, shit, you scared me.” You lean back to look at him, resting your hands palm-down on the sidewalk. “I’m good. Just needed a minute. You?”

“Uh,” he fiddles with the cig in his hand. “Left my lighter in the car.”

“I got one!” You dig into your bag — a mini backpack, covered with a cartoon character he recognizes but can’t name. “Usually keep one on me, where is it…” You let out a noise of victory as you find it, holding it out to him. 

“Thanks,” he takes it from you, and your fingers brush. Something catches in his throat, stomach turning. 

Fwip. Like clockwork, he’s blowing out the smoke, making sure it’s not going in your direction. He hands the lighter back to you, murmuring, “Thought you didn’t smoke.”

Craning your neck to look at him, you reply, “I don’t.” To save your neck from breaking, Carmy decides to sit on the curb. Settling next to you, he takes another drag, right as you say, “Well, not the nicotine kind, anyway.” 

Carmen laughs in surprise, then tries to cover it up with a cough, “No shit?” He waves the smoke away with his free hand.

“Fuck off, Carmy.” Your words lack bite, and you tumble off into your own laughter. “What, you think I’m too much of a nerd to smoke weed?” He attempts to hide the grin forming, and you swat at his arm. “Oh my god, you do!”

“No, no, I think you’re very edgy. With your combat boots and your Mothman tattoo.”

“I’m being bullied!” You cackle, outraged. “There’s no way you're not a nerd, too. We congregate.” Your laughter gives way to a comfortable silence, knees pulled up to your chest. Your cheek rests against your knees, and you twirl your lighter in your fingers.

The air is cold, but Carmy has never felt warmer. It’s like you carry the very essence of your late nights at Nan’s with you in your pocket. Only to be brought out at the correct moment. Seeing you carefree is a treat, one he covets. There’s a strange thing in his chest that pangs when you relax in his presence.

“It was nice for Natalie to invite me,” you say, soft and earnest. Like you weren’t expecting it.

“She’s glad you came.” Natalie hadn’t mentioned anything, but he’s sure it’s true. 

You look over at him, blinking lazily. You’re staring, blatantly, and he lets you, snubbing out his cigarette on the sidewalk. “Her baby is so cute it literally kills me.” You mumble, more of a groan than words. “It’s cuteness aggression. I swear if I see those chubby cheeks again I could kill someone.”

Carmy snorts, glancing at you, “Do I need to worry?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m just – I think I’m done with,” you wave your hands vaguely. “Words. Brain. I’ve met way too many people today.” You peek over in his direction. “Sorry.”

“Nah, I feel you.” He does. It’s an experience he knows all too well. Social functions with expectations always turn his stomach sour. He inhales, fingers tapping out a rhythm on his thigh, “You wanna get outta here?”

Your head lifts, “Huh?”

“There’s this, uh, pizza place. Small joint, like, ten minutes from here? Mom and pop shop, deep dish, good shit.” He’s rambling, but the words keep spilling from his lips. “We could take my car, if you want.”

Nice going, hotshot.

You’re looking at him like he’s grown two heads, but before he can retract anything, you smile. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” Relief; as if you could bring anything else.

“Will your sister get mad…if you leave?”

“I’ll text her.” He stands, and holds out his hands for you. He barely notices he’s done it, until you’ve grabbed them and he’s tugged you up onto your feet. You let out a little noise, doing a little hop, before letting go. 

You follow him to his car, and for a moment he panics about what it looks like inside. But then he remembers it’s just you.

The two of you share a pepperoni pizza, in the dim lighting of the little restaurant. The owner comes out to greet you, giving both you and Carmy a firm handshake. You hum as you take bites of food, and Carmy can’t hide his grin. You talk about everything and nothing, random shit that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Long moments of silence that’s just the two of you eating.

Carmen feels frighteningly…normal. Like maybe this is what his life was supposed to be like all along. Going to a social function and ditching to get drinks and food with people you care about.

Full and relaxed, he watches as you melt into the dingy leather booth. You’re not really talking, staring off to the side where some sports game is playing on the TV mounted in the corner. Your gaze is vacant, thumbnail picking at a groove in the table. Worried, Carmy settles his hand over yours, and your gaze snaps to him. It’s wide, like he’s caught you somewhere you didn’t want him to. 

He fears if he asks if you’re okay that you’ll bolt. “Wanna head out?”

“Sure.” You grab your jacket from where you tossed it beside you, sliding out of the booth. You’re silent, all the way to the car, and Carmy feels his anxiety prick the back of his neck.

When you’re both in the car, you blurt, “Sorry.”

“Huh?” Is all he can say. He hasn’t even turned the keys in the ignition yet.

“I had a good time! Really, I just…today’s been a lot. And sometimes I, like, power down? Like someone flipped a switch and suddenly it’s hard for me to emote about anything. I zone out, occasionally. I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you, or that I wasn’t having a good time.” The words pour out of you, unbidden, and Carmen can see the dots connecting in his own head. You’re defending yourself. You feel like you have to defend yourself for not engaging in conversation. At the realization, his anxiety dissipates as quickly as it came. Of course it wasn’t about him.

Turning to face you in the car, he shakes his head, “No, hey, you’re good. We’re good, yeah?” He bites the inside of his cheek, before continuing, “You don’t have to…just because we’re not at your shop doesn’t mean you have to act any different. And if it’s too much, we don’t have to…” His voice trails off.

Mirroring him, you also turn. His eyes catch on your hands, thumb pressed into the middle of your other palm. “No!” You cringe at yourself, “Sorry, I mean – I want to hang out, outside of work.”

“Okay,” he says, lightly. He lets you sit, watches as you take a few deep breaths. He subconsciously echoes you, inhaling when you exhale.

After a couple of minutes, you nod, “Okay. Maybe we could make plans? Like check our schedules and have a place picked out. Or a list of places we want to try?”

“Restaurants?”

“Or cafes. They don’t have to all be food places. It’s a common denominator between us, though.”

“Having a plan makes it easier?” It’s like he’s pulled a bit of the covering back, revealing a different piece of you.

You hum, “Yeah, most of the time.”

“Cool.”

It’s cool with me, if that’s what you need.

You peer over at him, “Sorry, if I weirded you out.”

“You didn’t.” At your squint, he scoffs, “If anyone should be weirded out, it’s you. You met half of my family today.” He ignores the assumption that pops up in the back of his mind. 

Falling back into the passenger seat, you laugh. “A little.” You settle; Carmy can visibly see your shoulders untense. “It’s nice, the community you have.” It’s whispered, a little reverent.

A few months ago the comment might have made him bristle. He’s a little surprised it doesn’t, still. 

“Yeah,” he murmurs.

He puts on the playlist you made for him, and you brighten a little. The car ride back is filled with your singing, and Carmy is warm once again. He’s made you feel better. He hasn’t royally fucked anything up. He drops you off by your car, and you give a little wave before you peel away. 

Carmy walks back into Nat’s house, finding her sitting in a recliner, baby tucked carefully in her arms. The party has slowed, only Pete’s family left.

Natalie’s eyes find his, a gentle smile on her lips, “Have a good time?”

Carmy nods, “You?”

“Very.” The siblings don’t need to say much, to talk, sometimes. It’s getting easier to read between the lines, like relearning a language. “I’m glad they came.”

He holds back a laugh, pleased. “Me too.”

As the leaves change and the air turns cold, Nan’s gets busier. Nothing crazy, but it’s enough that you have to hire another barista. You’re thrown into training the new kid. It’s fun and challenging, but you’re exhausted. Who knew that having to explain why you do the things you do took more brain power? And now every day you feel a bit like mush by the end of it.

“I’m just saying, Nan has to have some connections to powerful people.”

“Elle, that’s insane!” You laugh at your coworker’s gossip. “Nan is the sweetest person I know.”

“The mob boss energy she gives is massive, don’t lie.” Elle is your newest hire, and the youngest of the crew. She’s still in high school, with so much energy you have no idea what to do with. She also reminds you of how "old" you are every second of the day. You like her, though. Plus, she does good work, which you’ll never complain about.

“Hey,” Morgan yells your name, running into the back, where you’re washing dishes. “Your boyfriend’s here.”

You set the dish you’re washing into the sanitizer sink, sighing, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“The guy from the restaurant?” Elle asks.

Morgan nods, hip checking you to the side to take your place by the sink. “We’re talking Carmen Berzatto. Who owns and runs The Bear.”

“Guys, don’t start.” You really hope the equipment sounds and the swinging doors are enough to muffle this conversation. If Carmy heard one bit of it he’d probably start running.

“We’re just teasing…mostly,” Morgan grins, sticking their tongue out at you.

Elle hums, “He watches you with puppy-dog eyes.”

“Elle.”

She holds her hands up defensively, “Right. I’ll shut up, boss.”

You groan, biting back a smile. “I’m clocking out.”

“I got the bar!” Elle dashes out of the back, and you snort. Saying bye to Morgan, you grab your bag and jacket from your cubby, before rushing out to meet up with your friend.

Carmy is puttering around some book displays, but he quickly swerves his attention to you. He’s wearing a denim jacket; it has some detailed embroidery on the sleeves and pockets. It’s not one you’ve seen him wear before, but you’re coming to learn that the man has a bit of an obsession with denim. His cheeks and nose are red, proof of the cold air that must be whipping around outside. 

“Hey,” he breathes out.

“Hi,” you say, walking up to the register so you can clock out.

“Old people,” Elle whispers next to you. You give her a glance, body warming with embarrassment. As you walk around the counter and follow Carmy outside of the shop, she yells after you, “We’ll make sure not to burn the place down!”

The bell jingles as the door closes. “She seems to be doing good.”

“She is, but she never fails to drive me just a little bit crazy? Not in a bad way, just different.” You wave your fingers up by your head, before pointing at him, “No work talk. That’s the rules of our standing lunch outings.” You follow Carmy down the road, letting him guide you through the streets he knows so well.

“Right, right, my bad.”

The ‘standing lunch outings’, as you’ve taken to calling them, have been a frequent addition for the last few months. At least once a week, the two of you will try a new food place. Carmy’s also started bringing leftovers from lunch service to the shop — sometimes enough for everyone, mostly just for you. You’ll bring him his drink on particularly long days, giving him a moment to hide away behind The Bear.

You’ve picked the current location — a waffle spot. All kinds of waffles, some even in sandwich form. The choice had caused Carmy to scoff lightheartedly, but he didn’t veto it.

“How are you not a waffles guy?” You peer over at him.

He shrugs, “I don’t know. They just seem…”

“Wonderful? Nostalgic? The tastiest breakfast item in the universe?”

“That’s incorrect, but sure.”

“Don’t start with me, Berzatto, or you’re buying.” He rolls his eyes at your antics, and the two of you go back to looking at the menu on the side of the food truck. A shiver runs through your body as cold air sneaks into your jacket. You rub your hands up and down your arms, tugging your beanie a bit more over your ears.

When it gets to your turn to order, you stutter over your words when Carmy shuffles up behind you, effectively blocking the wind. Warmth seeps into your back from his chest, and you stop yourself from leaning into it. You finish your order, the world fading into background noise as your thoughts race.

That had to be accidental, right? Casual touches weren’t really his thing. He’s not even that close. God, how touch starved are you?

“That’ll be $30.95.” You check back in too late, as Carmy reaches around you to tap his phone to the card reader.

“Carmen!” You turn to him, shocked. There’s a tiny little smirk on his stupid face. His dimple is mocking you.

“What?” He asks innocently.

“Wha-you!”

“You said I’m buying.”

You glare at him, “It’s not funny when you’re clever.”

“I’m always funny.” It’s deadpan, and he ushers you to the side to wait for your food. “Besides, technically it was my turn. I just couldn’t pick a new place.” 

There’s space between you again, which makes your chest ache. “Both of us can’t be indecisive in this friendship, Carmy.”

He huffs out a laugh through his nose, “Don’t think we have a choice in that.” Giving you a look, he says, “You can go wait inside, if you want. I’ll wait for the food.” You open your mouth to retort, but he cuts you off, “You’re gonna freeze to death out here.”

“I’m acclimating,” you pout.

“Sure.” He nudges you with his elbow, and it’s embarrassing how easily you soften. You puff out your cheeks, but mozey to the indoor seating area of the food cart pod. Taking a seat at a table that gives you a clear view of Carmy, you give him a wave. He shakes his head good-naturedly, waving back.

You’ve enjoyed spending time with Carmen Berzatto more than you thought you would. You’d thought you would have run out of things to talk about by now, that it would turn awkward, or he’d get tired of you and disappear from your life as quickly as he’d entered it. But none of that has happened yet. Instead he’s found a place in your routine, fitting seamlessly into your life like there’d always been a space for him. 

He’s come out of his shell more. He smiles easier, and the lines in his forehead from the constant furrow in his brow has eased somewhat.

You think maybe he feels just as safe with you, as you do with him.

Your phone buzzes in your hand.

(from mom, 2:34pm): Are you at work? Haven’t heard from you in a while. Your grandpa isn’t doing the best.

Three separate blocks of texts are suddenly overtaken by an old photo of your mom. The image causes your stomach to drop and you immediately flip your phone face down onto the table. You take a few deep breaths to try to calm down, but it feels like someone has shoved their hand into your chest and is squeezing as hard as they can. You press your thumb into the palm of your hand until your phone stops buzzing. Biting your tongue, you grab it, opening up your texts. You type out a response, only to delete it.

“I might be eating my words about waffles being shit,” Carmy’s sudden appearance makes you jump. “Woah, sorry. You good?” He slides your waffle order across the table.

“Uh, yeah. Just spooked me,” you put a smile onto your face, shoving your phone into your pocket. “Now go on, I love to hear I’m right.”

The first bite has his eyes widening, a hushed ‘shit’ leaving his lips before he can cover his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Word’s out, Carmy likes waffles!” He throws a napkin at you, causing you to cackle. A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, and he takes another bite, waving you off.

Carmy eats like a monster, so messy and boyish it’s endearing. You match his pace, engrossed in the food in front of you, texts forgotten.

“What are you doing?” Syd walks over to where Natalie is peeking through a window. The younger woman glances outside where Nat is looking, and sighs, “You know they can see you if they look over here.”

“They’re literally oblivious. Does this happen a lot?” The blonde pulls out her phone to snap a photo. 

You and Carmy are a few feet away from the front door of The Bear. You’re chatting, and it’s easy to tell that neither of you want to be the first to leave. Carmy is hovering next to you, hands shoved into his jacket pockets.

“Don’t take a – yes, this happens a lot. Like once a week, or something.”

Natalie whips around to face her, “And you haven’t told me?!”

Syd shrugs, “I don’t know. I was worried it was going to be like…last time. It doesn’t matter, it’s not my business.”

“What do you think they do?”

“Rob banks — who knows, Nat. It’s not affecting work and he’s been less of a douche lately so I’m not complaining.”

“Are the lovebirds outside?” Richie comes out of the kitchen, adjusting his tie.

Natalie turns to him, “What do you know?”

“Oh my god,” Syd groans. “I’m going to go prep, before this turns into a whole thing. Richie, don’t fuck this up for us.”

The man gives a two-finger salute, “You got it, boss.” At Nat’s pointed look he holds his hands up, “Alright, alright, chill out. Look, I’m not trying to fuck with anything, okay? The place has a good thing going for it right now, so if that means we let the kids disappear for an hour or two once a week, I’m cool with it.”

Natalie frowns, “It’s not that I’m not cool with it. I just—“

“Have to know what’s going on at all times?”

She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose, “No…yes. Maybe? Things have been getting better but I just get worried.”

“Maybe we gotta let him decide who he wants to talk to and when. Forcing the conversation obviously isn’t working.” Natalie blinks at him in surprise, at which he laughs, “Something my therapist said.”

“You have a therapist?”

“Now don’t go spreading that around. It’s mainly to help Eva. I wasn’t planning on doing more than one stupid session anyways, but Point Pleasant out there convinced me one night when they were watching Eva, so.” Richie is never sheepish, but there’s an obvious fondness for you that Natalie can see on his face.

“Point Pleasant?”

The man screws his face up, “Yeah, it’s not sticking, is it? Mothman feels too on the nose. Don’t even get me started on that, it’s all my kid wants to read about now.”

Just how much change have you already caused in this family of theirs?

Natalie barely has time to dig into the thought when Carmy walks into the restaurant. There’s a smile on his face, one that falls slightly when he spots the two of them standing by the window.

“Hey Bear.”

“Hey, didn’t know you were coming by. I would’ve grabbed you some food or something. Have you eaten?”

Natalie blinks, shocked. She bites her tongue before she can ask where her little brother went. “I’m okay, Carm. Thank you, though.”

 “Yeah, no problem. Gotta help prep, but touch base with me before you leave?”

“Sure, Bear.” Carmy gives a nod, pats Richie on the shoulder, then walks through the kitchen doors. “What the fuck?”

Richie snorts at her words, “Yeah, I thought the same thing, too.”

(from carmy in the big blue apron, 10:34pm): Lights are on, but I don't see you. You good?

(sent 10:37pm): not having the best day, don’t really want to subject you to that.

You think that does it. Carmy usually doesn’t push it with you. There’s a crudely drawn line that the two of you dance around. You’ve shared just enough that you consider him a friend, but he hasn’t seen the darker parts. It’s easier when you get to take the mask off yourself — it’s much worse when it gets torn from your face without you saying so. Control slips from your fingers and no matter how hard you try to put the shattered pieces back together, it fails. 

(from carmy in the big blue apron, 10:41pm): You wouldn’t be. Feel free to tell me to fuck off though.

A laugh escapes your lips, and you wipe the tears that steadily fall down your face. Few people in your life have seen you like this. There’s a very real worry in your head that it will push him away. The urge to run crawls up your spine. 

Desperate little rabbit.

Your fingers twitch, and you’re typing before you can stop yourself.

(sent 10:43pm): there’s a spare key in the hanging flower pot

You’re unsure if he’s still out front, but you can’t bring yourself to get off the floor. There’s static in your head that’s far too loud. You can barely feel your body and any grounding techniques you’ve tried haven’t worked.

He finds you in between the books, your back against one shelf, knees pulled up to your chest. He doesn’t say anything, but sits down opposite of you, legs extended. It takes a moment for you to look up at him, fear and shame filling up the back of your throat. You fight the tears that well up, grimacing. 

“Fuck,” you sob, pushing the palms of your hands into your eye sockets. “You really don’t need to be here right now.” You inhale, almost choking on the spit and mucus in your mouth.

There’s pressure against your left side, and you lift up a hand to watch Carmen nudge his leg against yours. “I, uh, have panic attacks, sometimes.” You sniffle, wiping your nose on your sleeve — gross. “They were bad, before I came back home. But they got worse after…” he trails off, clearing his throat. “Shit, what I’m saying is…if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. Not anything you don’t want to.” 

You don’t say anything for a while, but Carmy continues sitting next to you. He doesn’t make a run for it, like the thoughts in your head predicted he would. It’s just you and him under the warm lighting of the bookstore. The heat from his leg has melted into yours, softening you enough to let the overwhelming feelings leave you.

Inhale. Hold four seconds. Exhale.

He's doing your breathing technique, you realize. Carmy might not even notice he's doing it, but you copy him until the lingering panic fades.

Your pinky reaches out from where it was clenched into a fist, brushing against his hand that’s resting on his bent knee. His eyes shoot over to you, and a wry smile tugs at your lips. “Bet you weren’t expecting this when you came over tonight, huh?”

His brow furrows, fingers catching yours, “It’s okay, really.” Your hands entwine, Carmen’s thumb moving back and forth across your knuckles. You swallow the lump in your throat, trying to fight the onslaught of tears for an entirely different reason.

He's sweet. So much so that you don't know what to do with it.

“Thanks, Carmy.” You let your head fall back to rest against the shelf behind you, already feeling a migraine start to form behind your eyes. “It was stupid. I dropped my phone and it bounced off a table and hit my foot. It didn’t even hurt, but it was the thing that broke the camel’s back, I guess.” Thoughtlessly, your fingers have started to trace the tattoo on the back of his hand, the motion soothing you. “This week has been shit. Little things, stacking up.” Running out of vanilla syrup, sleeping through your alarm one morning, your car needing a new battery. “And my mom called. Has been calling. She doesn’t stop. Every day she calls and every time I can’t bring myself to pick up because I know it’s just going to make me feel worse. Haven’t heard from her in months and now all of a sudden she won’t leave me the fuck alone.” You spit the words out, “She only talks about herself and when she even thinks to ask about me she never really cares. It’s like she has this idea of me in her head, that I’ll never be — that I don’t want to be. I can’t meet her expectations. I’m not her perfect little girl anymore and I wish I could just scream that in her face but anytime I talk to her it’s like I’m suddenly…” it’s half a scoff, half laugh, “…suddenly I’m in that house again and I just stand there, not saying anything.” As if realizing where you are, you pull away from Carmy, curling back into yourself. “Shit, I really didn’t mean to trauma dump on you.” 

Your relationship with your mother is complicated. It’s layers upon layers of things that you barely have time to dissect. You’re known to be a runner. A new place, new job; you can remake yourself as many times as you want. As much as you think it’s easier, your heart hurts just the same. She doesn’t call you by your name. She can barely treat you with common decency and yet she sends you money when you need it. She loves you, but not how you want her to. It’s the best you’ll get from her. 

But you’ve experienced better than that, from people who’ve known you less. It puts everything into perspective — a big, red warning sign. You’ve crafted masks to fit your face into exactly what people want from you your entire life. You’ve tugged them from your skin in sheets, desperate to figure out who you are under the layers upon layers you had built to protect yourself. You’re finally starting to like yourself.

You’d hate to fuck it up.

Carmy’s quiet; you’re getting ready to sprint. Or backpedal. Anything to—

“That’s fucked.”

It’s the first time that your gaze meets his. Blue eyes reflect the fairy lights above you. Your heart is thundering in your ears. 

“It’s fine, I know how to handle it, usually.”

“You shouldn’t have to.” Something passes through his gaze, like he’s seeing something else for a second, but it passes with a huff. “Look, I get it, the expectations thing. It’s not all the same, a-and I’m sure there’s way more to it then just…what you’ve said.” 

“Carmen—”

“You don’t need to change, is all I’m saying.” Before you can respond, he gets off the floor, knees popping. His hands are held out for you, and you’re reminded of that night at the end of Natalie’s driveway. You’ve touched his hands tonight more than you have the entire time you’ve known him. “C’mon, let’s get you something to eat.” At your scrunched face, he hums, “I can make grilled cheese.”

“You’re playing dirty.” You let him pull you up, wiping at your face. “I probably look like a mess.”

“Lemme see,” he murmurs. He looks you over, making a point of brushing imaginary dust off your shoulders. “Nah, you’re good. It’s dark enough that nobody will be able to tell.” 

He’s offering you a reprieve; it warms your insides. You take it, letting the achy emotions be folded and put away to be processed later.

You pout, “With the bright lights in your kitchen showing how blotchy my skin is?” Even the idea of the white lighting bearing down on you makes your oncoming migraine twinge.

Carmy helps you collect your things, bending down to grab your phone from its place on the floor. “We don’t have to go to The Bear. My apartment isn’t too far.”

Your heart skips a few beats.

“Your place?”

He’s looking at you again, “Uh, yeah. If that’s fine. Didn’t want the lights to hurt your eyes.”

How can he see you so well? How can he walk right through your carefully built walls?

Maybe because you've given him the map. Bit by bit, piece by piece.

He’s grabbed your keys now, tote too. It’s thrown over his shoulder, looking every bit like he’s ready to hit the Saturday Farmer’s Market. You’d giggle if you weren’t so exhausted. 

“Okay.”

“S’fine?” At your nod, he says, “I can drive, then drop you off at home, after. Didn’t see your car outside at all. Or, I could just drive you home now. Whichever.” He’s nervous, hand tightening on the strap of your bag. 

“I want my grilled cheese,” you whine, gravitating toward him.

He laughs, “Alright, alright.” Urging you out the front door, he turns and locks it. “I’ll grab some stuff from the restaurant, my car is parked in the back. You want to go and warm it up?” Carmy digs around in his own pockets, tugging out his own keys, detaching the car fob and holding it out for you. 

Mama Bear.

The thought has you biting your lip to keep the grin off your face.

It’s a quick walk to The Bear, and as he waves you off, you call out his name. “My stuff?” His cheeks flush — is it from the weather or you? He shrugs your tote bag from his shoulder, and you take it from him. “Won’t be too long?”

Carmy coughs, voice a bit higher than normal, “Yeah, like five minutes?” He turns, “You go ahead. There’s an extra sweatshirt tossed in the back somewhere, if you’re cold. It’s almost November and you don’t have a real jacket, you’re gonna freeze.” That last part is mumbled you barely hear it. 

Your breath catches, and you press the palm of your hand into your chest.

Please, let me keep this.

Thoughts whispered into the wind, to the universe. A silent plea. You don’t think you’ve wanted anything more.

It’s the smile he gives you — after he opens the driver’s side door, handing you a plastic bin filled with cheese and a loaf of bread — when he notices you’re wearing the sweatshirt he offered you, that just affirms your thought. You want him to keep smiling at you like that.

The fluttery feeling spreads from your chest to your limbs; your fingers tingle like they’re waking up from sleep. It doesn’t catch, but settles into the warmth you’ve come to affiliate with Carmy’s presence.

“Okay?” he asks.

“Mhm,” you reply, “thinking about that grilled cheese.” You peer into the bucket he’s given you. “So fancy.”

“You’re sleep deprived.” He put the car in reverse, putting his hand behind your headrest to look behind him. You live up to his words, because you head butt his arm with your forehead gently. It’s not something you would normally do — if you were more awake, if your migraine wasn’t pulsing. But you’re tired, and Carmy has given you more comfort than you know what to deal with, it’s spilling over your edges. You don’t see him react, and let him pull his hand back so he can drive. “You got the aux?”

You give a two-fingered salute, “Tune master, to the rescue.” The laugh you pull from him — gentle, a bit exasperated — is filed away for later. You’ll hoard it, along with every little bit of himself he gives to you.

Inhale.

Let me keep this. 

Exhale.

You’re in his kitchen.

His actual kitchen, not the big, fancy one that he’s known for. Dingy, warm lighting on above the stove, messily written notes to himself about recipes on his fridge. He hasn’t had someone at his place since…

He shakes the thought away, determined to make you feel better. The buzzing anxiety he thought he’d have hasn't made an appearance, and he’s locked into making you the best damned grilled cheese you’ve ever had (again). He may not be the best with words, but he can do this. 

You’d asked him fairly quickly after you got to his place, if he would mind if you smoked a little before eating. “It’d help me get an appetite, and help my brain a little bit,” you had said. “If it would bother you though, I won’t.” You had seemed nervous to ask; Carmy wonders if you’ve ever smoked in front of anyone.

(You hadn’t. But you also hadn’t had a meltdown in front of anyone either. Plenty of masks have come down tonight, what’s another?)

He had shown you to the tiny patio, watching you through the window as you blew smoke through your lips. You were only out there for a few minutes, coming back in looking a little sheepish. You’d poked around his living room a little, before meandering your way to him.

Inevitably, you end up sitting on the kitchen counter that juts out from the wall. You’re sipping on a can of pop — through a plastic straw you had floating around in your tote bag — going between scrolling on your phone and peering over to see what he’s doing. He’s shredded the cheeses he’d brought home, layering them onto some spare sourdough. A mix of softened butter, mayo, and garlic powder has been spread thinly across the slices. It’s set into the frying pan with a slight sizzle, when movement catches his eye.

You’ve grabbed a pinch of cheese from the plate, shoving it into your mouth so fast he barely catches it. You hold your hand over your lips, hiding the evidence.

“Did you just—”

“Woah, that’s crazy,” you look around with wide eyes, “did you see that? Some random guy just ran in here and stole some cheese! I tried to stop him and everything!” You’re laughing at your little stint, and he can’t help but join you.

“Oh yeah?”

You lean forward, snatching another handful, “Oh my god, he just did it again!”

He waves his spatula at you, “I saw you!”

You use your other hand to cover his eyeline. “How dare you accuse me of thievery, Carmen!” you exclaim, muffled by cheese. He bumps your knee with his hip, failing to hide his grin, and you poke his thigh with a sock-covered foot. He’s tired; you are too, but both of you are used to the exhaustion. Fatigue giving way in the early hours for something else, soft and silly.

Got a sneaky one there, eh, Bear?

You fit nicely into his space. His sweater suits you, too.

He finishes the sandwich quickly, sliding it onto a plastic plate, before turning to hand you your food. A gentle laugh escapes him when you do your little “happy food dance” as you grab the plate from him. He watches as you nibble on the corner, easing closer to you.

There’s that pull again. One Carmy doesn’t bother to fight. How could he, when you’ve done nothing but make him feel like a person? He’d make another billion grilled cheeses, if it meant he got to see you enjoy it every time.

“Carmy.”

“Hm?”

“Bite?” You hold out half of the sandwich out to him, and he steps between your knees, where you sit criss-cross on the counter. He grabs it from you, and you share the late-night snack in the dim lighting of his kitchen. When you’re both done — plate set on the counter, hands wiped free of grease on a paper towel — Carmy lingers.

It takes him by surprise when your fingers brush against his forehead. He freezes, letting you tug softly on a stray curl. A light huff comes out your nose, like you’re laughing at a joke only you can hear.

Carmy thinks this might be the closest he’s gotten to peace.

“Thanks,” you murmur into the quiet, “for being with me while I was…”

“Yeah, no problem.” He braves the prick of anxiety, the voice in his head telling him he doesn’t deserve this, giving your calf a gentle squeeze where he knows your Mothman tattoo hides under your jeans. 

You haven’t run away yet.

In fact, the way you lean into his touch, your own hand drifting from his forehead to rest on his shoulder, only makes him want to touch you more. It’s a desperate thing, one that comes out of nowhere. You've trusted him with something; you've let him care for you, in the way he knows how.

"Can I hug you?" The question, whispered into the quiet, knocks the wind out of him.

"Y-yeah," he all but falls into you, arms wrapping around your waist as you pull him in by his shoulders. You rest your chin on his shoulder, rubbing his back with one hand.

He squeezes you instinctively, and you squeak in surprise, before dissolving into giggles. You pull away just enough to see his face, "I didn't think you were much of a hugger."

"M'not."

You hum, eyes searching his while you run your fingers up and down the length of his arms.

"I didn't think you were," he mumbles, "for what it's worth."

You shrug, "I am with people I'm close to. I know it's different for everyone. Or that some days I don't want to be touched, because I'm overstimulated, or something. It's okay, though?"

Better than okay. Maybe he's contact high, but he's sure that's not right. He's safe; not on edge, yet every nerve ending is alight because you've touched him.

He has no idea what the fuck is going on.

You've made him crazy. Or the sanest he's ever been.

Say something, dipshit.

Fuck, right. You're waiting for him to reply, eyes wide.

"S'cool. Nice." He coughs, "It doesn't bother me." Your nose is scrunched, cheeks puffed out. He pokes your cheek, "Did you want me to drive you home?" Carmy forces himself to back out of your space, going to put the dishes in the sink to be washed later.

"We could watch a movie?"

"I don't really have anything..."

"You don't have streaming services?"

He looks at you over his shoulder, eyebrow raised, "You think I have time to watch Netflix?"

"You can have my login. At least until it kicks you off." You hop off the counter, "We should watch a Disney movie."

His heart warms as you start to talk — mostly to yourself — about what movie to put on.

It's 2am, he's exhausted, but he's never been more awake.

[kooberryfields4ever]

hehe😏😏 what did i say😏😏 finally posting this after more than half a year of abandoning the idea!!!!!!!! as a long time jungkooker i have observed his mannerisms for a while and i think my delusions will guide me down the right path <333 please let me know ur thoughts and as always my asks/requests are very much open to both hard and soft thoughts!!!!!! 🥺

content warnings : nsfw below the cut, handjobs, jerking off, mentions of oral, mentions of cumming inside, unprotected sex, protected sex, boobs, yadda yadda its the nsfw alphabet what do u expect😒

MDNI !

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

the sweetest <3333

cannot imagine jungkook being anything but attentive and romantic when he tends to u after sex

also cant see him as too dominant or rough during sex so aftercare is probably just kisses cuddles and pillow talk

maybe some boob groping because he cannot help himself

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

do i even need to say it

boobs, boobies, tits, honkers, knockers, breasts etc

LOVES UR TITS. like i do not care what anybody says jungkook is a titty lover, a boobie connoisseur

likes to just hold them because he is gentle and lovely and ur boobs are his home

wants them in his mouth almost all of the time

favourite part of him is probs his arms

very proud of his muscles and very very attracted to the way u seem addicted to them

loves when u dig ur nails into them when he fucks u

also loves when u get overwhelmed with cuteness aggression and feel the need to bite him and gnaw on his arm like a teething toy

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

clean boy

i dont think hes all too feral about doing it inside but if ur fucking raw then inside is the cleanest option for him

first man on earth to… prefer a condom?

of course fucking u raw is his absolute pleasure but he likes the quick and easy cleanup a condom provides

on the off chance jungkook likes to get messy :) if hes in that mood expect cum on ur face, tits or on ur pussy

not an absolutely rare occurrence just not entirely common

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

did u guys expect me to say anything but panty lover

likes them all but especially cute cotton ones that are well loved <3

ones with a little bow and a subtle lace trim

maybe the pattern is somewhat childish but that makes them all the more endearing to him

if he sees u wearing them TRUST he will be in a messy mood. he cant help himself

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

pains me to admit but jungkook gets bitches😥😥

maybe not drowning in pussy, we’ve all seen the singular neck pillow on his bed

just cannot imagine a world where jungkook looks the way he looks and doesnt fuck?????? that is a world i quite frankly dont want to live in if so.

been in the industry long enough to know how to get around dispatch rumours, also hybe/bh paying off major drama media companies lolol

i think hes had enough sex to know what he likes but jungkook is a romantic at heart and i truly believe if he found The One we would know about it

so i think theres some things unexplored bc theyre things he wants to experience with the love of his life<333

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

missionary

DONT YAWN.

just likes seeing ur face and also likes to display his strength and hold ur hips up so he can fuck u deeper

also likes that he can see when u grip onto his arms and if he really wants to he can duck his head down and bury his face in ur tits

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

yeah jk gets goofy asf

cannot imagine serious sex with him really i think hes immune to being serious ever

even if it gets a little more serious at some point there will always be a joke or a giggle inserted somewhere between

he cannot help himself sorry.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

jungkook my lovely clean boy <33

not completely razor shaven but trims regularly and keeps it neat

not a fan of stray pubes and whatnot. thinks its unhygienic

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

despite his goofy silly boy nature i think jungkook is incredibly intimate

likes to be slow and likes drawn out foreplay

this is jungkook we’re talking about……. lover of romance and soulmates and close bonds

needs to be practically combined with u when u fuck, never feels like he gets deep enough

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

dont think hes a big fan of jerking it honestly

at least not alone

loves a bit of mutual masturbation i reckon so if he does need to wank best believe he’s either calling u or texting u

its always better when hes right there with u tho, with u straddling his lap while he strokes himself and watches u get off on his thigh

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

hehe praise

for u or for him. doesnt matter

will get into this in a sec but jk dabbles in submission so expect whimpers and moans when u tell him what a good boy he is and goad him on when hes following instructions well

loves whispering how pretty u are and reminding u how much he loves u and loves ur body and thinks ur the most gorgeous person in the world

atp its just him. like i dont think he could stop himself i think he gets off on praising u

lazy sub when he does sub for u :)

less about being in the mood to sub and more about not being in the mood to do anything else

wants u to do the work and likes if u get a little mean about it

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

the couch lol

jungkook is one of those people thats just very passionate and when hes horny it needs to happen there and then

so i just cant picture u making it to his bed fast enough for his liking

his couch is big enough anyway

but make no mistake…….. morning sex

therefore beds!!!!!!!! loves fucking u in the morning because it feels so domestic and intimate and lovely and therefore loves fucking u in his bed

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

not much

libra venus lol

but its usually just from his need to be close to u and whats closer than being literally inside of u

just a lovely boy …. :( would probs get so hard just seeing u look pretty on the couch next to him while u watch tv

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

degradation probably

not a fan of being mean to u outside of a little teasing

none of that “slut”, “bitch”, “whore” business

id also say hitting but i think jungkook could get into a bit of that if the circumstances are right

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

i think he prefers receiving but isnt against eating u out

doesnt even like getting head much himself

prefers a handjob the same way he would prefer to finger u

dont think hes bad at it tho. knows the basics and primarily uses it as foreplay so orgasm is not always necessary

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

both?

depends on his mood and the circumstances in which he is fucking u

mostly slow and sensual though, maybe a mix between if he’s close

hehehe…….. probs doesnt even pull out too far when he fucks u, just wants to stay buried in u so he prefers rolling his hips slowly and grinding into u

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not opposed to them but not his favourite

prefers when foreplay lasts forever to the point that ur both basically about to cum

but quickies are sometimes unavoidable :/

will make up for it later :)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

i dont think so …… i dont think hes a scaredy cat but hes very cautious of things that may hurt u or that may cause harm

like probably not a very public lover aside from basic pda (he has to show u off????)

would cover ur mouth to keep u quiet when he lived in the dorms

i think hed be too embarrassed if he got caught fucking, hes cute not arrogant

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

i think jungkook can go for a while and i think he can hold out for longer than most

enjoys taking his time with u and that of course would not work if he was desperate to cum five minutes in

i also think … he … .. perh aps…,.., enjoys being overstimulated…,,??

so cumming more than once :) is fun :)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

ermmm probably not?

likes the real thing and doesnt like the noises

would maybe invest in a hitachi for u but cant think of anything he would use on himself

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

not very unfair, likes to give in to u cos it shows u want him that bad and thats what gets him going

however

if jungkooks feeling submissive then yes please tease him

be mean and make him beg

and even still dont give in :)

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

moaner

like come on ? its jungkook we’re talking about

if he didnt moan id be seriously worried .

not necessarily loud, but u can definitely hear him from outside the door

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

can imagine him getting home after a long day and hes been thinking about u but cannot be bothered to move from the couch

and u look so pretty beside him so (because hes a baby) he reaches out to touch ur thigh and whines a little

maybe even pouts because hes such a massive tease

and who are u to deny him ? when he looks so pretty and u know he just wants u to look after him

and so u climb into his lap and straddle him…… and his hands roam over your hips and ass absentmindedly

and when ur kissing ur hand trails lower and lower until ur palming him over the fabric of his sweats and building him up until hes rock hard

whispering that he has to be a good boy for u or else he wont get rewarded, and obviously he nods because he loves being ur good boy

but his hands wander a bit too much for ur liking and so u bite his lower lip and spank his hip gently before sneaking ur hand past the waistband of his sweats and underwear to grip his length

and of course hes dripping, how wouldnt he be ??

so u indulge him and spread his precum down his cock before stroking him slowly, nudging his clothes down to get a better look

and hes so fucked out that his head tips backwards, his wandering hands gripping your hips firmly

and despite the mess, hes delicate when he cums, spilling over his shirt and moaning softly, thanking u with sweet murmurs and a gentle hand rubbing ur thigh

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

self-identified horse cock

just kidding but i think hes a little bigger than average

probs more on the girth side than anything else

i dont think its anything extreme, i think its enough for u to notice but nothing that will carve out ur insides

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

i think sex is an expression of his love language a little so i think he has a higher sex drive

but not in a horny ggrrrr ooga booga woof woof way but in a please can i just be inside u forever and make a home within ur walls way

will probs want sex more often than ur average guy but its never pressure its more just like a natural progression of cuddling and being around him

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

probably not gonna fall asleep for a while after

if hes subbing then maybe sooner than any other times u have sex

but mostly when its over he will stay up to shower and eat and maybe play some games before he falls asleep

[nightplvmes]

birthday girl

you'd always known you had a different side of Sylus, a side no one else had because you couldn't remember a time he hadn't made you feel special. he had made your birthday special after so many years. ☆ sylus x fem!reader — fluff ! MDNI! ☆ birthday special ☆ an: hi! so it's my birthday!! and i wanted to post a special. it's not a long one shot and it's not a big deal, i thought about making it a bit more personal, mentioning that Sylus' birthday was also close but i felt like that would be tooooo self insert. anyway, save this and you can read it when your birthday is close 🫶🏻 i was planning to do something with the rest of the LIs so you all can read them on your bday too but i didn't have time, especially because of Sylus' birthday :( anyway, if anyone is interested in a special like this from another LI, you can request it <3 – likes and reblogs are appreciated!! :) | to see other versions of this special with other LI, see the tag here ★ masterlist here

your birthday wasn't something you liked. you'd done your best to hide it from Sylus because didn't want to celebrate it, especially this year. you knew your efforts to hide it hadn't worked when you got home that night. you opened the door, and the lack of light made your brows furrow, but the small flicker of candles caught your attention.

Sylus was standing next to a table, his hands behind his back, and beside him was a beautifully set table. it was a dinner party, and you probably would have thought it was nothing more than a date night, if there wasn't a cake in the middle of the table. "what... what's this?" you asked, a lump beginning to form in your throat, even though you knew the answer perfectly.

"you thought you could hide your birthday, sweetie?" Your cheeks turned red. you'd suspected it; you knew he was going to find out somehow, but something inside you hoped he wouldn't.

"I... it's not important. I don't like my birthday." you shook your head. you expected something from him at home if he found out, and maybe something like a forced outing the next day as a celebration. however, you didn't expect that. you had called him an hour ago, and he had said he'd be home maybe two hours later because he still had a few things to do.

"it's important." Sylus approached you, his arms around, pulling you close to his body. "I cooked for you and this is your birthday dinner." a small smile spread across your face, and you felt... a kind of tranquility. it wasn't a lie that you had never liked your birthday, but there was something intimate about just the two of you, about this being your birthday celebration.

"when did you do this? I thought you were working." you placed a kiss on his cheek as he moved away from you enough to walk to the table where he had prepared dinner.

"when I said I had things to do, I meant dinner." a laugh escaped your lips. you didn't even know how he'd found out about your birthday; you'd kept it a secret until... a memory came back to you. yes, you could remember Luke and Kieran standing around you asking questions.

"so... you'd say your stay at Onychinus was good?" you looked at Luke with a frown and then at Kieran, who was sitting on your other side.

"I'm not even staying here. it's not a hotel."

"you're the boss' girlfriend. you sleep here all the time," Kieran said, making your eyes widen in a mixture of embarrassment and surprise. he wasn't actually lying, but it still wasn't a hotel you had come to talk about your stay there. your didn't work for Sylus either.

"yeah, my stay at Onychinus is good," you replied, giving up. the twins were too persistent, and you knew you wouldn't be able to win against them. at some point, you stopped listening to them completely; even Luke's voice sounded so distant that you only just started answering without thinking.

"how old are you?" it had been one of the casual questions Kieran had asked, even though they knew your age perfectly well.

"when is your birthday?"

"those two..." you muttered to yourself as you narrowed your eyes, remembering all of Luke and Kieran's questions. they had inundated you with questions to the point of exhaustion, so you'd answered everything without even thinking about it. Sylus chuckled as he sat down across from you, he'd realized you'd already figured it out, and that there was no evaluation for Onychinus residents—it was just him trying to find out your birthday. well, he'd done a pretty good job, you had to admit. "I can't believe you sent your two shadows to get information out of me," you muttered, annoyed.

Sylus seemed to be searching for something in his pocket, and it took him a couple of seconds to answer. "they were gathering information for an Onychinus project." you rolled your eyes, knowing it was a big lie and you were about to say something, but something stopped you suddenly.

Sylus placed a small box on the center of the table. for a second, you thought it was an engagement ring, but then you realized it was a necklace as soon as he opened it. but it wasn't just any necklace, it was obviously expensive; it was shaped like a kitten and surrounded by red diamonds. "what's this?" you asked, still open-mouthed in surprise, despite knowing the answer perfectly.

"happy birthday, kitten." that was enough to know it was his birthday present. Not only had he taken the time to research your birthday and prepare an entire dinner, he'd bought something else for you. something that was actually meaningful.

maybe you were too excited or too stunned that words came out of your mouth, but you didn't even know what you had said. when you came back from your little bubble, Sylus was behind you, helping you put the necklace on. "you didn't have to, really." you shook your head as he placed a kiss on your forehead before returning to his seat across from you.

"how could I act like your birthday didn't matter?" you narrowed your eyes at his words, knowing they were something you'd said last year after throwing him a surprise party. he'd used your own words against you.

you looked down at the necklace now on your neck and circled the tiny kitten with your fingers, gazing at it for so many seconds. you'd always known you had a different side of Sylus, a side no one else had because you couldn't remember a time he hadn't made you feel special. he had made your birthday special after so many years.

[backtothefanfiction]

No One Like You | Manny Alvarez Imagine

Summary: He always just wanted to be a good soldier and survive… until he met you.

Warnings: 16+, show typical violence, angst, fluff, reader insert, complicated relationship, a little trauma, spoilers for Season 2 Episode 2 if you still haven’t watched it

Word Count: 3.3k+

A/N: I’m still not fully sure I’m happy with where I’ve ended this but I wanted to keep the ending ambiguous. Do they stay together? Don’t they? Maybe one day I’ll decide and write more but for now, that’s entirely up to you.

Be a good soldier. Follow orders. Be a part of the team- and you might just survive. Those were the only things that had been drilled into his head since this all started. And it was going well for him too. The only thing that ever made him contemplate straying from those three easy steps was you.

You were a great shot, easy on eyes (even in your 3 day old uniform all dirty and sweaty from hunting down infected) and you always had his back.

His heart rate would always pick up when he found you were out on rotation with each other. He should have reported it to his superiors. Told them he struggled to look out for the whole team evenly when you were around. That it made him a liability. But he didn’t.

It was just a crush, nothing serious. It’d pass within a month, he told himself. But it didn’t.

“Yo Manny?” You said getting his attention, “You okay there?” You asked. He had been staring off into space again.

You were both on break, taking a moment to chill out on the top floor of the training building.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said coldly, trying to get you off his back. You knew it was an act. The ‘I’m a tough guy, I don’t have feelings’ act. But you knew there was more to him than that. Seen the few times he’d hesitated on mission. Seen the way he stared at you when he thought you weren’t looking.

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” you asked him.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he affirmed, but you knew from the way he shuffled in his seat there was something eating away at him.

“Okay then,” you sassed him lightly as you moved your attention back out to the view, but you could sense him bristling out the corner of your eye- he was clearly stewing about something.

“Do you ever question it?” he suddenly asked, his voice low so no one else would hear you, but the only other Fireflies that were up here were way on the other side of the room to you both.

“What?” You asked, turning to him intrigued.

“All this,” he said, faintly gesturing to your surroundings and the other people in the room. “What we do?”

“Having second thoughts about what side you chose?” You asked him.

“No!” he said adamantly. “I just…” his voice faltered as he struggled to put his thoughts into the world. “I know this is better than being in the QZ,” he said.

“But?” You asked him, dragging out the word as you encouraged him to continue.

“What if there’s another way of living? Away from all this,” he said as your eyes narrowed on him.

You never would have put him down as a thinker like this. He had always been so assured of himself as a soldier. A survivor.

“A way to actually live?” he questioned hopefully.

“Isn’t that what we’re fighting for?” you asked him.

He looked around at the fellow rebels that surrounded us. Fellow soldiers just following orders for self elected higher ups with a vision that was still fully unclear. “I think I’m just fighting for the sake of fighting,” he finally replied. “Because it’s all I’ve ever done. I was just a kid when all this started. My parents didn’t even survive day 1. I was all on my own. I was 8 years old. I learnt pretty quickly how to fight and fend for myself. I don’t think I’ve ever really stopped,” he confessed.

“Do you want to?” You asked, intrigued by this new vulnerable side he was showing you.

“I don’t know,” he replied before he hesitated, his eyes raking up and down the full length of your body, from your pulled back hair all the way down to your boots as he seemed to be making a decision. “But it would be nice to have the option to decide,” he finally said and you sighed.

“Y/N,” a rookie called out to you as you were both leaving the room to go back out on patrol. “Doc wants you downstairs for some tests,” she said.

“What sort of tests?” Manny asked for you, a hint of defensiveness in his voice.

“I don’t know, just routine ones I guess. All the women are getting tests done,” she informed.

“You too?” he asked.

“I guess so,” she replied. “I mean I haven’t been asked yet but I’m new so my name’s probably near the bottom of the roster.”

“Okay,” you agreed steadily, but you couldn’t deny the small dose of fear that flooded your veins. Tests usually meant needles- and you fucking hated needles. “Tell them I’ll be down in a minute,” you said and the younger recruit nodded before beginning her descent back down to the labs.

“What do you think it’s for?” Manny asked as you both began to slowly follow the recruit down at your own pace.

“Who knows? Probably just some routine health check,” you said optimistically.

“Then why isn’t everyone getting called in?” Manny asked skeptically.

“Maybe they will. Maybe they’re doing it this way to spice it up. They’ll probably go through all the men next week or something,” you replied.

“You want me to wait for you?” he asked when you both landed on the floor that held the labs.

“Nah, who knows how long this is gonna take. You guys go without me,” you said, encouraging him to go back down to the barracks without you.

“I’ll see you later though, yeah?” he said, already two steps down the next flight of stairs.

“Dinner at 7?” you joked as if it wasn’t at the same time every day. “Wouldn’t miss it,” you said, shooting him a smile and he quickly shot you one back before he hit the bottom step and pivoted to move down the next ones.

Little did he know, he wouldn’t see you again at 7. He wouldn’t see you at all. After that afternoon you just disappeared like you hadn’t existed at all.

When he asked his superiors about you, they pretended like they didn’t know. Maybe they had found part of the cordyceps in your system and had to put you down. Maybe they transferred you out to another branch of the rebellion. Maybe you had heard his words and just run off. Who knew? He certainly didn’t. And he doubted he’d ever get an answer either.

Without you around he became jaded. You were the only person who made him feel hope for something more. So when that Joel guy came along a few days later and massacred the majority of the fireflies in the building, he had nothing left to lose when Abby asked him to go with her to track him down. After all, it’s what he did best right. Working as a team. Following orders. Killing things. That’s all this life could ever be if he wanted to survive. And he wanted to survive.

It was a long journey. For ages they felt like they were going in circles, looking for any sign or evidence of where this Joel guy went. It felt like the blind leading the blind. They searched and they hunted. They took down infected and did anything and everything to find this Joel guy.

It took years, but eventually they did.

Abby was mostly mad by the time they all found him. She was so lucky he just fell into her lap the way he did. There was something twisted knowing he had just saved her life for her to take his, but at the end of the day, that was the mission and Manny was a good soldier if nothing else.

They left before anyone else could find them, headed back west towards Seattle. They had found a new group of rebels that way, a new group to join. After all, there was strength in numbers.

It wasn’t too long a journey, but with the snow storm they needed to find a place to rest again until it all blew over. They thought the town was deserted. There was no one on the streets. That’s because they were all bunkered down together in the old school.

He wasn’t sure who had started to fire first, all he knew was that he’d already killed three people. It was just instinct at this point, shoot first and ask questions later. Protect your team, no matter the cost.

It was a fire fight through the halls, the group of them slowly pushing the civilians back- but one of them stood out amongst the rest. He couldn’t get a good look at her, but she was clearly a good shot and was taking point on their defence. He could just about make out her voice over the sounds of gun fire. It seemed familiar, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on why.

“I’m going after the leader,” he informed Nora who was taking cover in a doorway across from him. She gave him a brief nod, providing him a small amount of cover as he quickly began to move down the hall.

“STOP SHOOTING!” the familiar woman’s voice suddenly shouted. “STOP SHOOTING!” she cried again before she boldly stepped forward from her hiding place.

“DON’T SHOOT!” she called out as she walked out with her hands raised into the middle of the hall and Manny froze. He felt like he was seeing a ghost.

“Y/N?” he asked tentatively, his weapon still aimed at you defensively but you didn’t show fear.

You both heard the clicking sound of a bullet being moved into the chamber of a gun behind him.

“DON’T SHOOT!” he quickly turned and shouted as he spotted both Abby and Nora stood a few paces behind him with their weapons raised. “Don’t shoot,” he said again, his weapon lowering as he turned back to take you in.

It had been so long. He thought you were dead.

“Who is this man? Who are they?” A gruff older voice came from behind you as a man in a red flannel and braces stepped into the hallway behind you.

“They’re okay,” you quickly told him, “I know him. He’s an old friend,” you said, your eyes turning back to Manny fondly. “I mean, we are okay right? We can talk this out like adults,” you almost pleaded as you searched his eyes for just a hint of the man you knew he had been deep down.

He knew the rest of his team wouldn’t understand. Knew he would have to do all he could to keep them from doing any more damage, but you were here- standing right in front of him- alive and well and thriving and he had to know. Needed to know what had happened to you. How you had ended up here? Why you left him without even a word.

“Yes,” he said with a nod.

“Give us your weapons as assurance,” the older guy said and Manny willingly dropped his weapon for the first time in 20 years.

Reluctantly the others at his back did the same, sliding their weapons across the floor with their feet so the old guy could collects them.

“Can we take shelter from the the storm with you?” Manny asked you as you stepped closer to him.

You gave him a nod, “But your friends have to mind their manners,” you informed him.

He gave you a small nod before turning back to the rest of his team, ushering them forward to follow the other guys at your back towards the gymnasium where everyone else was hunkered down with food and blankets.

You could feel him hesitate in the doorway at your back before he reached out his hand for your arm.

“We need to talk,” he said lowly into your ear, his eyes scanning the full length and width of the room behind you. You quickly did the same before you gave him a silent nod and began to guide him back in the other direction towards one of the open science labs.

When you were both inside you closed the door, not wanting anyone else to be privy to this particular conversation.

“What happened to you?” he immediately asked racing forward to crowd your space. He was still as good looking as ever- even if his curls had grown out a bit more and were now getting into his eyes where they’d been on the road so long. “I tried to ask, I was so worried. They made me think that you were dead,” he said frantically.

You hesitated, unsure of how to tell him what had happened that day. What had happened to you in the days after. You had been relegated from loyal soldier to prime test subject in a matter of hours. They knew that girl was headed there. Knew there was a living human being who was immune.

“It wasn’t just a routine check up,” you told him, your eyes growing sad at the memory. “They were looking for prime candidates to test their little vaccine on when it came in,”

“What vaccine?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

“There was a girl. She was found by one of the fireflies out in Boston. She was immune Manny. That guy who came and killed everyone. He did it because of her.”

Manny continued to frown as he processed that information. Usually when he thought like this he liked to pace a little, it helped him focus, but he didn’t want to stop looking at you for even a single second now he knew you were here and alive.

“Manny, they injected me with some of her blood,” you said earnestly, holding his gaze. He was the first person you had ever told this. It had been eating you alive for years keeping it a secret, but you knew you had to.

“They didn’t know what they were doing,” you said, your words coming quickly now, like breaking a hole in a damn and now everything was spilling out. But he was the only person who would understand. The only person who had known you before. “But it worked,” you whispered to him, so afraid that anyone would listen in and hear you.

“What?” he asked confused.

“It worked,” you said again, fighting to quickly lift your shirt and push down your trousers to show him the bite mark on your hip.

“Wait, you got bitten?” he urgently said in a hushed tone, his body quickly moving forward to crowd you further and hide you even though there was no one else around.

“But nothing happened,” you insisted, quickly trying to cover yourself up again, but you froze at the feeling of his thumb moving over your skin.

“When?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, as he traced his thumb backwards and forwards over the raised scar.

“Nearly five years ago,” you said shakily, your breathing becoming shallow at the feeling of his touch and the closeness of his body. “I thought everybody was dead. I thought…” you hesitated as you tried to confess to him the thing that had broken you the most. “I thought you were dead,” you said to him bravely. “I just- ran.” you told him as his thumb came to a stop, but he didn’t pull his hand away.

“I remembered what you said over lunch that day. Figured there had to be something more. So I ran. Moved across the country and back again until I landed here.”

“Does anyone know about…?” His voice hesitated, not wanting to say the words out loud just in case.

“No.” You shook your head.

“Why are you telling me?” he asked curiously.

“Because you were my best friend,” you confided. “Despite everything we went through, there’s no one I trust more,” you said and he finally stepped back, his hands rubbing at his eyes in what you feared was frustration.

“And what do you expect me to do now?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but- Manny please,” you said stepping forward, your hands reaching out for him. He froze. “I thought you were dead. Had I known I would have come back for you.”

“What does that mean?” he frowned, irritated and defensive.

“This place, here. You don’t have to fight anymore. We could live- together,” you insisted.

“What?” He said confused, feeling like this whole conversation was spiralling off the rails, before he’d had a chance to grasp it.

“Manny, I’ve found a place here where I can truly live, not just fight and survive all the time. I can relax. Do other things. Be a part of an actual community. We- we could-“ You didn’t know how to say it. “We could have a life together!” You finally spat out. “Oh come on,” you said confidently when he looked at you perplexed. “I know you liked me. I saw the way you looked at me back then. I wasn’t an idiot. I just never said anything because I didn’t see the point. We were soldiers, not just people back then. But now- here- we could live. We could be something.”

“I can’t just abandon my friends!” He said enraged. “And after everything that just went on out there, I doubt we’d be very welcome here in the long run.”

“Okay, then let’s go to Jackson. I hear there’s a large colony of people there.”

“We’ve just come from Jackson,” he said dejectedly and suddenly he couldn’t seeem to meet your eyes.

“What were you guys doing in Jackson?” You tentatively asked him, unsure if you wanted to hear the answer.

“We were hunting down that Joel guy.”

“And did you… find him?” you asked. He nodded. “And?” you presssd.

“Abby killed him.”

There was something about that statement that didn’t sit well with you. You weren’t sure why. I mean, they had been well in their own right to get revenge for what happened to the Fireflies- to your friends- but there was a feeling in your gut, that stemmed from the look on Manny’s face, that told you there was something more.

“What is it?” You asked him. There was clearly something eating him up about the whole thing.

“There was this girl. She gave me this,” he said shifting his hair out the way to show off the cut on his head that had scabbed over. “She seemed to be very stressed about the fact that Abby tracked him down and killed him.”

“You think she’ll come after you all in revenge?” you asked.

“All the more reason for us to get back to the group we found in Seattle. Strength in numbers and all.”

“So that’s it then?” You said to him. “You’re just gonna live the rest of your life as a soldier?” You asked him as he settled himself back on the edge of the desk in front of you.

“It’s all I know.”

“But it doesn’t have to be,” you said to him earnestly, stepping forward and he hesitantly placed his hands on your hips. Slowly he lowered his head until his forehead was nearly resting against yours.

“I missed you,” he confided.

“I’ve thought about you everyday,” you said breathing slow. “I would imagine you were at my side, talking to me. Protecting me. Having my back like you always did. When I got bit, it was your voice in my head telling me to get up. To keep going. I thought you led me here. Because you wanted me to live,” you confessed with tears in your eyes. “You were all I ever wanted. There was no one else like you.”

Suddenly his lips were on yours. They were chapped from days trekking through the cold, but they still set you on fire. You had dreamt of this so many times, but nothing could have prepared you for the real thing.

“You were the only thing I have EVER wanted,” he stressed, your breaths mingling with your closeness. “You were the only person who made me want more in this life.”

“Then stay,” you insisted, your eyes searching his desperately now you finally had him in your arms once again. “Please... Stay.”

[inosukijiro]

✮⋆˙ sam girls

𝘀𝘆𝗻. ━ horrified by becky’s actions, you stay away from sam.

𖤐 𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀 .ᐟ hii so i made this bc i just watched a becky episode and 👀 . anyways, i wrote this over a hundred times, so this might be v bad and i might go cry and disappear again :) will make a pt. 2 tho

𖤐 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 .ᐟ fluff. set in or after season 8. self-insert coded. fem!reader. modern reader in spn. mentions of becky. im not good with dialogue. this is absolutely not proof read. sam-centric. might be very ooc (as always). 😭 2.1k words. 

   ─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───  ─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───  ─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───

You’re reserved. It's the best way that you could describe it. It's done in such a meticulous way that no one could really tell. And you’re fine with that. It's how you wanted it, anyways. You make sure that nothing seems out of place. You’re careful, even though you really don’t need to be. Because even though it's a fact that you are now friends with the brothers — you are also very close friends with Sam. And it's because of him that you can’t just let go. 

And that… sucks, to say the least. It sucks because you never thought that he would ever want to be your friend. You actually don’t know what you’ve done to have him be drawn to you so much. You think, maybe, it might be the universe testing you somehow. Because it isn’t just that Sam is nice, or that he’s still trying to make you feel welcome. Though, it could be that Sam is just restless from spending too much time around his brother, but you aren’t entirely sure. No, it's in the way Sam's eyes light up when he spots you. It’s in how he’s so quick to talk to you, almost like he’s eager. It’s in the way he gets you to ramble on and on about your passions or things you miss — the way it makes your heart feel full. It’s in the way he makes you laugh, where there’s a look in his eyes you can’t quite place — but it's a good look. How sometimes you both end up talking for hours about something that means absolutely nothing at all. It’s easy. Existing with Sam is just easy, and that's why you think it's too good to be true. And that's why you never let yourself get too comfortable. 

Because you aren't sure if you’re just seeing things; if you’re reading too much into the little stuff or if you’re just being paranoid. Because there is one thing that was very obvious and very clear to you, long before ever being in the presence of the Winchesters  — you would have never made Sam Winchester uncomfortable the way Becky had. It’s common sense, really, and it isn’t that hard to do; especially if you were someone who respected the bodily autonomy of another person. You would never do any of the things she did — but at the start, neither of the boys knew that. And after a while they got the hint that, yeah, you were not Becky and never would be.

So even now, months later, you still keep Sam at arms length in a weird attempt to keep things normal. Though, you aren’t actually sure it's doing anything — it isn’t — but to you it is, and that's all that matters. Because the truth is, you like him more than you should. You’ve had a crush on Sam Winchester since the first time you watched the show and that never changed. Except, maybe, for your arrival and the month following it. Any feelings completely vanished for the time being as you were in a constant state of panic the whole time. Though now, with you being more at ease and a little more settled in, the small romantic thoughts crept back into your head. And at this moment, you are not going to make any sudden movements that would indicate that fact. Because as smart as Sam was, you were hoping that he wasn’t smart enough to see through you.

And, while that's great for you, it’s actually a massive problem for Sam. It's a problem because Sam does, in fact, like you. He likes you and yet to him, it seemed like you were ignoring every possible sign of it. At first he’ll think that you just want to be friends, or maybe you really just don’t notice. Which is funny, because Dean definitely notices and won’t stop giving him shit about it. But then Sam will notice the way when you two talk — that the smile you have doesn’t really meet your eyes, or the way you give him space. The way you keep a good distance away from him like you’re afraid to crowd him; or the way you try too hard to not brush your fingers against his whenever he hands something over to you — which by the way, he totally does on purpose. God, he's so pathetic. 

Sam’s aware that it's never out of malice — he can see that. You’re always warm and thoughtful, and always just so considerate. And yet, there’s something behind your eyes, something just out of reach. Sam will never pry, though. At least not yet. He lets you keep your distance, lets you think he doesn’t notice the way you keep yourself contained. But he does. And maybe he should say something, maybe he should push. But he doesn’t. Instead, he keeps thinking about it until it boils over. It's the miniscule things that he obsesses over, because maybe it's just him. That he's just reading too much into it. But he doesn’t think so. Dean will think so. He thinks Sam should just ask you out and leave him alone about it. 

“I don’t know, man.” Dean will say, very unhelpfully. “Maybe she's scared of you thinking she's some type of freak or something.” It's an… odd thing to say. But Dean is drunk, and Sam really shouldn’t be surprised when he was the one that barged into Dean's room at this hour. “She does come from that other place…so…” And he’s waving Sam off, too wrapped up in his westerns to finish. 

However, it’s like a light bulb going off in his mind, and Sam suddenly gets it. And maybe he should feel a little stupid for not getting it sooner. But he gets it now. And he’s off to go find you, because this just can’t wait till morning — he wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise. Not that he sleeps much anyways. 

He finds you in the bunkers library, reading, with your phone laying face down on the table. It's not unusual for you to be there, but he’s lucky to catch you before you’ve decided you can’t take being up anymore. He takes a moment to breathe in the sight of you though. You’re gorgeous, the way the dim lit of the room paints your features. The way your hair falls because your head is tilted a certain way, and all Sam wants to do is brush it behind your ear. He knows you're not actually paying attention to the book in your hands. He sees you fidget, your eyes shifting over to your phone; you look sad almost, and Sam can’t take it anymore. 

He doesn’t need to convince himself of anything before he's already on his way over to you. He offers a soft greeting to alert you of his presence and sees the way you light up just a bit. It makes him smile as he settles into the chair next to you, but no sooner does he take a seat, he notices the way you shift your body to look at him. It's nothing big, or at least, it shouldn’t be. Just a small adjustment — an inch, maybe two — like that tiny bit of space will make some kind of difference. Like you’re subconsciously trying not to be too close to him. Sure, maybe you just want to give him your full attention, which he knows is probably also true. But the way you move is careful and deliberate, as if you’re hyper aware of the space between you. It doesn’t take him by surprise though. 

What does take him by surprise, is the answer to his question. Not because it isn’t what he's expecting — it is, to some degree, anyways — but he can’t believe he was right. When he asks, he isn't mean or condescending, he isn’t bullying an answer out of you or being accusatory. No, he asks all nice, putting those puppy eyes to work. His voice is soft and calm, easing you into the conversation with clarity that you hadn’t done anything wrong; he just wants to know why you're so tense towards him. And for a moment, he expects you to deny deny deny. You don’t though. Instead, you let out this big strained sigh, wincing at your words before they even leave your mouth. It's like you’ve accepted defeat, like there was no use in trying to come up with some excuse. You felt you owed him the truth, and also you just couldn’t take it anymore. In doing that, however, it's the first time Sams seen you relax.

“I’m sorry. I… guess I’m still trying to get used to, you know, all this.” You apologize, and while it doesn’t seem like you’re that nervous, you are. But somehow that doesn’t convey itself through your words. Truthfully, to Sam you sound a bit shy, and it's cute. Sam nods along, understanding and a bit on edge for you to continue. You look like you have a lot on your mind and he’s ready to listen. “And I may have been a little worried about… making you uncomfortable.”

It takes a minute for your words to really register with him. As soon as they do though, Sam's expression softens as he watches you. He gets it — in fact, he appreciates it. That’s actually really sweet of you. In the midst of trying to find your footing in a world that shouldn’t even exist outside a screen, while you’re still trying to adjust to everything — you’re worried about him. It’s thoughtful, in a way that makes something warm settle in his chest. 

But as he thinks it over, turning your words around in his mind, something else clicks. You said him specifically — not anyone else in general, not Dean, just him. And the more he thinks about it, the clearer it becomes. You’re not just overthinking because you don’t want to be weird. You’re overthinking because of Becky. And Becky was his problem. Which means this — your carefulness, your nervous little hesitations — they’re all because of him. And then it dawns on Sam, confirming the sneaking suspicions he’s had already. That the way you speak, the way you worry, the way you care just a little too much. It isn’t just because you’re so kind and mindful. No, it all pieces itself together. You’re a Sam girl. You like him.

Before he even realizes it, Sam is already shaking his head, keen on reassuring you. You don’t need to apologize. You don’t need to worry about that — about him. He tells you as his voice is gentle but certain. He trusts you, in a way that he can’t explain, and there’s no way you could ever make him uncomfortable. And as he speaks, he watches the way you take in his words, the flicker of relief that crosses your face, the way your shoulders ease just the slightest bit. And something about it, about you, makes his chest feel strangely light.

Now there’s this quiet, new awareness that lingers between you both. It’s nice. Easy. The conversation continues deep into the night, shifting into something lighter, smoother — like an exhale after holding in a breath for too long. There’s something refreshing about it, about you, and it feels like a piece of something he hadn’t realized was missing just clicked into place. And maybe that’s why, as you keep talking, laughing softly at something he says, Sam lets himself settle into it. This new thing, whatever it is — is beautiful. 

And later, in the dark of his room, when it’s dangerously way too late for him to be up and you’re long retreated back into your room — Sam lets himself think back to your conversation. He replays it over and over. Because no, he’s not going to spill his guts any time soon. At least, not yet. First, he needs to ease you out of that careful tension, to get you to stop overthinking every little thing around him. It’s not just going to happen in a day, and Sam doesn’t expect it to. It’s not the time to lay it all out there, even if he’s almost certain you feel the same. He wants to take this slow — wants to do it right. The last thing he’d ever want is to make a mistake with you.

Still, that doesn’t stop the anticipation from drumming against his chest. He wants to tell you. Desperately. But he’ll wait, just a little longer. And maybe — just maybe — he’ll let himself take a little pride in it. In the fact that you’re a Sam girl. He lets the thought sit with him; lets a small, shy smile pull at his lips as he leans back against his pillows, staring at his ceiling and thinking about all the possibilities. Yeah. You’re a Sam girl. And he’s okay with that.

𖤐 .ᐟ i think i yapped too much again, sorry chat ><

[redflagshipwriter]

Check Yes ch 8

masterpost Danny did his best not to float through the building. His chest buzzed pleasantly with cheerful nerves. Jason had let him into his haunt and let him meet a family member: it was only fair to reciprocate with a little vulnerability. He was more than a little nervous that his interests weren’t cool enough. But Jason was actually listening to him, not rolling his eyes or hiding boredom at how many details Danny rattled off. It was really nice. It made him want to find out what Jason was passionate about, too. It made him want to curl under Jason’s arm. Like, lift it up and insert himself in the warm space between Jason’s body and arm. He could just sneak on in there-

Hmm. Wait. Danny blinked as he tracked his train of thought back. PDA? He stole a glance. Probably not a good idea so early into hanging out. It would come off clingy. Since Danny was legitimately a clingy motherfucker, he had to play it cool for a while to trick Jason into a false sense of security. He was trying to be on his best behavior still. 

“Oh hell yeah, we’re going to the Ring Nebula.” Jason was reading the signage, bright eyes tracking everyone moving around them and steering them effortlessly. Danny noted the multitasking with a sort of puzzled admiration. He could walk in a crowd or he could read, just one of the two. “What’s a nebula?” An incredibly subtle aura washed out from him with his self assurance and confidence. Jason just felt so in control. It was incredibly reassuring to be around. Crowds parted for him and all Danny had to do was keep pace. 

“It’s the remains of a star.  That’s a Messier object, actually. There’s a white dot at the center which is a white dwarf and then around it there’s helium, hydrogen, oxygen-” Danny cut himself off, embarrassed. He was so messy, oozing excitement all over the place. He reeled himself in and cleared his throat. “You can read about it when we get there.”

Jason frowned very slightly.

Danny felt his stomach twist. 

“What’s a Messier object?”

Oh. Danny relaxed. He talked with his hands as he explained the French astronomer, barely noticing the crowd swell that nearly bumped into him. Jason put an arm over his shoulder and steered him away. Danny absently recognized the assist but didn’t have any processing power to think about it right now. 

Jason let him go on for most of the date, which Danny would probably be embarrassed by later. In the moment, he basked in the attention. It was just nice, okay?

“I should head back.” Jason said with regret. His arm clenched just a little harder on Danny’s shoulder. His hand was warm where it hung down Danny’s chest. “Gotta get Duke his bribe and then get ready for work.” 

Danny waited for a moment. He didn’t want to step away. But maybe Jason didn’t either, because he didn’t take his arm off.

‘One of us has to move first.’

“Yeah, of course.” Danny regretfully disentangled himself, ducking out of the hold. He was a grownup or whatever. “Better get a move on. What are we getting for Duke?” They’d only snacked on ice cream while they were in the planetarium. 

Jason checked the time on his phone and let out a huffing sigh. “I don’t have time for my original plan.”

‘Because he humored me here for two hours…’

“Gimme a sec, I’ll call him and ask what he wants me to pick up.” Danny nodded in response and started jogging down the stairs out of the building, trying not to look like he was listening in. He didn’t want to listen in, he just had really good ears.

Ring once, ring twice. Then Duke picked up the call.

“Hey,” Jason said. “I-”

“Hey yourself,” said an unfamiliar voice that definitely was not Duke. It was sweet with malice.

‘Did Jason’s little brother get kidnapped while we were out?’ Danny wondered, struck still with horror. He stopped with one foot hovering over the next stair and wheeled around to look at his date.

Jason looked thunderous, brow pulled low and teeth showing. “Fuc- why do you have his phone?” Jason’s tone went high and aggrieved.

Danny prepared himself to beat the shit out of a living human. It wouldn’t be hard. 

“Because I am his favorite older brother. Obviously.”

Oh. The fight left Danny’s body in a rush.

“I am pressing X,” Jason snarked. He squeezed Danny’s shoulder and guided him into movement again. “Give it back to him and get out of my house.”

“Tu casa es mi casa,” said the man who had to be the infamous Dick, balcony infestation. “Why do you care?” His tone was so innocent that Danny sort of wanted to turn on his heel to escape whatever older shithead sibling fuckery this was. “Aren’t you busy making kissy faces at the summoning guy?”

Danny bounced off of Jason’s chest when he stopped walking midstep.

‘How does he know that? Jason didn’t say anything, right?’

“And, follow up question for Jay, does this make you a monsterfucker?” Duke howled with laughter in the background. Danny noted the betrayal. 

Dick sounded gleeful as he pushed on the topic. “He’s dead, right? What supernatural romance genre are you in? Is he going to take you to his creepy castle and keep you there? Does he have an ancient enemy who might kidnap you? Do you think he could carry you away when he rescues you? Are you looking forward to that?”

Danny huffed and yanked Jason’s hand down to bring the phone closer. He hit the speaker. “Of course I could carry him. But I would not keep him in my creepy castle against his will, you jerk,” he fumed. “And I don’t have any ancient enemies! At last, no one that I haven’t already beat up. It’s fine. Shut up and go away.” He crossed his arms.

Jason was bright red. Dick started laughing hysterically on the other side of the phone. “This is- hi, Danny!” he cackled. “You have a creepy castle, though? For the record?”

Oh no. He felt a rock form in his stomach.

‘I probably should have kept my mouth shut.’

He looked at Jason’s feet guiltily. Belatedly, he let go of his grip on Jason’s wrist.

“You sound great, wanna meet up? I need to hear about how you’re so sure you could carry my little brother away from danger. It sounds romantic.” Dick cooed. Ew. Danny bristled. This was bringing up all sorts of Jazz related trauma.

“He will not be meeting you.” Jason took the phone back. “Ever.”

“Ever?” Dick scoffed. “I really doubt that. I don’t think you could keep him away from me for one day.”

“Oh yeah?” Jason somehow puffed up his chest. “Then come find me, jackass.”

“See if I don’t.” 

Danny scoffed. “As if I need his help to dodge some nosy dweeb,” he sniffed. “Bring it, balcony creep.” He hit the end button before thinking about it.

The staircase suddenly seemed very quiet. 

Jason and Danny looked at the phone for a moment. Then Danny frowned as he realized what he’d done. “I was going to like, go back home,” he pointed out uneasily. “But that doesn’t seem in the spirit of this shitty brother challenge. And, uh.” He cleared his throat. “You had evening plans, right….”

Jason groaned and paced a few steps. He ran a hand through his hair. Danny idly watched it and wished it was his hand there. “Uh… Sorry. I can tell him to fuck off, that you’ve got better things to do.”

“...I don’t have better things to do,” Danny admitted. “I kinda want to see if he can hunt us. He’s just some guy, right?”

Jason made a face.

“Just a human guy?” Danny repeated slowly, because the hesitation there was uh, really interesting. 

“You remember how we met, right?” Jason sort of shuffled in place for a moment before he herded Danny down the sidewalk in the direction they had originally come from. “I wouldn’t say he’s a normal guy.”

…Oh, right, he’s a vigilante. Danny snorted. “That’s cute,” he said, not even trying to avoid cockiness. “I’m not worried.” He cracked his knuckles and didn’t pay attention to how bloodthirsty his grin was. “I am going to destroy your brother in a game of hide and seek so brutally that you won’t be able to look up to him afterwards.”

Jason opened his mouth. He closed it, with a considering expression. “That’s hot. Yeah, show me what you have. I can skip patrol for the night.” He gave Danny a roguish grin. “Where to, first? We have an hour before he’s out on the streets. We can get dinner, strategize?”

Danny closed his mouth on the boast that he didn’t need to strategize. This was a perfect opportunity to spend an hour batting his eyes at Jason from across a candlelit table. “Somewhere nice,” he said innocently. “He won’t immediately look for us at a date spot, will he?”

[lynnie-s3all]

HELLO HELLO !! I LOVE YOUR HEADCANONS VERY MUCHHHH !><

I JUST WANTED TO ASK IF YOU COULD DO HEADCANONS OF SHEDLETSKY BEING A FATHER TO THE PLAYER !!

IF YES, THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!

SURE. I give you two options...

Father figure Shedletsky x reader

(i don't proofread my works so thanks. )

If you're the player who's a Shedletsky main:

For a player, it's obviously you in real life trying to play Forsaken in roblox. ON YOUR COMPUTER/PHONE.

You're a Shedletsky main, and you adore this man of course, for being silly little patootie epic emoji on his face.

Imagine the devs would give him voice lines, really fucking cool if it does exist. Well what can I say if he was giving out advice?

Like what would I think about him just reading your mind at that one point he's straight out giving you advice so you can stay focused on the game? Hell yeah.

It's okay if you tried many times to use the slash and keep missing it out, like what can i say? He would know that he's inside of a game and it really wouldn't hurt if he did get killed. Maybe not? But he'll probably say dialogues like "be careful not to get too close!" Sounds basic? Definitely is.

Hey... whatever you're trying to do some stupid stunts like... Accepting your fate that you're basically going to die as Shedletsky, fair enough. Do anything you can anyway. He's the not the one controlling himself, it was you. So, do what you can.

When you're the survivor in the game:

Woohoo! New survivor? Omg, it's your self insert oc in it!

Ok you're definitely not noob in this situation, IM NOT TELLING YOU ARE A NEWBIE IN THE GAME IM TALKING AB THE YELLOW ROBLOX AVATAR-

So what traits do you have or abilities? You're a stunner? Whatever the wiki says : "sentinel survivor"? Yeah. If not then probably the one whos a support survivor at the same time. But then again, you can't have more than 2 jobs at once you need at least one skill that you can do.

Oh you're almost dying? He can't give you fried chicken, dude. Atleast you're LUCKY he has a medkit at all costs.

This feels more like best friends trying to help eachother out raher than Shedletsky trying to be a father figure or something, like first of all, i can explain how is he becoming one, you just need to wait when i finish explaining this whole survival round.

After you patched yourself out, jason was all in out here already dashing towards you and he stepped in and SLASH! He's stunned guys.

He grabbed you by the wrist and just ran all away out from him to escape before be regained back his ability to even run out and get you dince it's only a minute left, it will be fine for you two.

ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS LETS YOU TO BE BEHIND HIM AT ALL TIMES. He doesn't want you to get lost and lose you since, you're the only two are in this round left, jason was too powerful to kill people like ngl since when did he become so op...?

Hahathe last few seconds before he can even hit you has already ended and now you're safely back into the cabin like usual.

You know, now it's time for me to give proper headcanons for this man being so caring.

all text are in orange for this because that's what im about to headcanon him out to be honest.

As a father figure, his goal was to protect you at all costs, no matter in what situation, especially when it comes to killers, stay behind his back, even if you insist on trying to help him out too but he will eventually try his best.

Okay but during cozy times or just free time, he would cook some chicken and give some to you, because sharing is caring, apparently.

Anyway he treats you like a child, telling stories about this one infamous hacker named 1x1x1x1 (yes and he's traumatized after seeing him during other rounds) that he's evil even though he's the one who sreated him in the first place but he never tells you about it because he doesn't want to show the truth to you.

Going out with him during errands and seeing a cat out of nowhere, he'll steal them and keep it as a pet. I mean, it's a stray cat, i think you can make in inti a house cat. He knows how to tame them don't worry.

He adores kittens more than adult cats, but FAT CATS??? Ohhhhh look how much they are soooo chonky he really likes them :3

He can have as many cats as he likes but he wouldn't want a lot since the house would be covered with fur everywhere. He only owns one because he hates risking for having 2 cats in the house and made a whole mess. Amirightttt?

Best father figure ever.