#is he actually

[anneapocalypse]

On Urianger in ARR.

I'm not sure I agree with what seems to be a popular opinion that Urianger is more cryptic in ARR. I think he's actually just not as cryptic as the reputation the precedes him, period. Pretty much everything he says in ARR has a pretty clear intended meaning when you understand the language he's using to say it.

The times I think he truly comes across as cryptic (as in, what he's saying does not have a clearly discernible meaning and is open to some kind of interpretation) is when he's quoting someone. When we first meet him in the Waking Sands, he greets us with a quote from Louisoix, which while maybe a little overly formal or socially awkward relative to the other Scions, isn't really inappropriate to the situation. Nor is the quote he chooses especially cryptic, though he doesn't get through the whole thing because Minfilia gives him a Look and he swiftly course-corrects and says, "The words of a dear friend. I am glad of our meeting," which is a pretty straightforward greeting. His diction is archaic and poetic, and sometimes a bit verbose, but that's not the same thing as cryptic. (Compare this to the verse he quotes in Stormblood to see the Scions off the Far East, which is far less clear in its meaning and how exactly it's supposed to aid you.)

When Urianger is indirect in his own words, there is usually a reason for it beyond just trying to sound mysterious. I think a good example of this is his dialogue in the Waking Sands as the Scions are preparing to leave for Revenant's Toll, and Urianger will be staying behind:

Urianger: Thou art ever welcome, Forename, but I require no assistance. Pray take thy leave unburdened by concern for my well-being. Urianger: Verily, thy countenance bespeaks a desire to quit this place without further delay. Hm. Mayhap thou thinkest this chapter of our tale concluded─that these halls should rightly be consigned to the annals of history...? Urianger: In man's eagerness to seize the future, how readily he doth set down the past. Urianger: Full many a proud pioneer hath bravely stridden into the great unknown, only to find there the banner of his ancestor, faded by the eons. And still man glorieth in his discoveries. 'Tis through his pride that wisdom doth ever give way to ignorance, while they who lurk in shadow remain hidden, lost no sooner than they are found. Urianger: <sigh> Be not offended, Forename. Thy conduct hath ever been beyond reproach. Despite thy surpassing strength, and all thy many victories, thou hast never been so convinced of thine own greatness as to imagine thyself above the failings of thy forebears. Mayhap it is the Echo which hath opened thine eyes to the lessons of history. Would that the same could be said of─

Here, he is concerned that the Scions are ignoring the lessons of history and heading down the wrong path, though he assures the Warrior of Light that he finds no fault with their actions. The object of his criticism is pretty clearly the decisions being made by Alphinaud and Minfilia--both of whom he respects too much to directly tell them he thinks they're fucking up, and yet he comes really close to saying it directly to the Warrior of Light here, before he's cut off by the scream from the Solar. I don't see this moment as him being cryptic nearly so much as him wanting to share his concerns directly but stopping just short because he feels it improper to do so. That he confides even this much to the Warrior of Light to me really speaks to the fact that he already places a lot of trust in them.

But beyond that rare moment, most of the time in ARR, he's just... answering questions, providing information, or asking the WoL to do stuff.

Urianger's writing in parts of ARR and particular the early primal quests has some oddities in its own right--there's multiple places where modern English conjugations slip in, and a rare instance of Urianger saying "Yes" rather than "Aye" (if you know of others, I'd love to see them!). And the writing is really inconsistent about using "thine" before a vowel instead of "thy," sometimes even within the same paragraph. It's kind of all over the place when you really look closely at it. I can only assume the English writing team at the time was shaky on Early Modern English and whoever was writing him wasn't getting consistent direction and editing.

But what I wouldn't call any of it is cryptic. His dialogue about the primals tends to be a bit long-winded, and peppered with effusive praise for the Warrior of Light, but it's not cryptic; in fact, it would be counterproductive for him to be cryptic, because he's trying to give you intel. He doesn't even really do much prophecy quoting at all; he likes to cite that particular Louisoix writing about "primal desires" and the "blade born of light," which I think he definitely sees as prophetic and the Warrior of Light as fitting that appellation. But his meaning is never obscure or ambiguous. Frankly, I wonder if the writing team was struggling with what to do with him now that the mysterious doomsayer persona he was playing in 1.0 was no longer necessary for the story, and the new role chosen for him was one of conveying fairly straightforward information. Perhaps this is what led to the idea of having him play a deceptive role in post-Heavensward, in order to bring some mystery back to the character, though I can only speculate.

If he seems more straightforward in later expacs, I venture to say the reason is twofold. First, you're just more used to hearing him talk; you've picked up on some of his speech patterns if you were previously unfamiliar with them, and his meanings are easier to parse. And second, as the story proceeds, Urianger's role in it grows both larger and more personal. While his dialogue in ARR isn't actually cryptic, you might not have much investment in it and be inclined to hastily click through without reading it as carefully, leaving the impression that it was more impenetrable, while in later expacs, you might be more invested in him as a character and thus listening more closely to what he has to say.

[paintedcrows]

Did anyone tell Ford (bonus doodles: Family Movie Night, 70s Classics)

[razzafrazzle]

Just Checking In! (aka Something About Red Triangles)

[hamletthedane]

Thinking about him (the soldier in Poynter’s Faithful Until Death painting watching an apocalypse unfold around him with horror in his eyes as he tries to keep himself standing beneath a doorway, based on an actual 19th century archeological find of a man in full soldier’s garb under a doorway at Pompeii)

[astronomalyy]

parenting

[archi-pelago]

maybe never forgive. but things are different now. so we'll use maybe.

[gwydionae]

Behold, one of my best friend's Halloween costumes, recorded and uploaded by a complete stranger with over a million views on tiktok! (I'm so proud!!)

[unsung-idiot]

don't show him modern technology; it won't end well

bonus under the cut:

[great-and-small]

Apparently the local university’s undergraduate entomology course sends students to catch insect specimens at the same place I like to go birdwatching, which explains why I saw three enormous frat looking dudes with tiny bug nets and overheard one emphatically say “bro BRO I told you we already have enough lepidopterans”

[markwateneymemorialcrater]

Please note. The orange one is not included because A. He isn’t a billionaire. And B. Calling him obnoxious is too kind for him.

[inbabylontheywept]

i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.

adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.

right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.

it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.

still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.

i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.

i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.

so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.

coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."

and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.

still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.

i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.

so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went

...oh.

and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.

so i did.

i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.

i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.

it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:

*ptooie.* "that all you got?"

i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!

but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.

my coach did not.

i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.

"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"

and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said

"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."

which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.

and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.

fine.

but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.

and then he left.

and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."

but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.

and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.

he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.

and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.

[kensatou]

i watch baseball for the side quests

update: i think you should look at the reblogs for more important baseball hijinks

[cowboysmp3]

there’s something sooo sickening about how dunmeshis whole energy is like sometimes something terrible and awful happens to you and it changes you forever and nothing can make you the person you were before but there’s still love and there’s still sharing a meal together and there’s still living

[where-the-tumbleweed-plays]

Tumbleweed needs everyone to know that I am his most cruel and heartless mother for decreasing the amount of food he gets due to him gaining a third again his body weight over the last year no that is not all fur Tumbleweed you are shaped like a pregnant sheep!

He has spent much of the day stomping from room to room while yelling his immense displeasure.

[allagashed]

whenever i say “screaming crying throwing up” this is what i mean

[watmalik]

We moved on WAY too fvking quickly from this…