#is for kids not to be told its okay to grow up lgbt

[dashiellqvverty]

something i keep thinking about is this video of a nonbinary person speaking either at a meeting or in front of a state legislature or something about book censorship and they were talking about how like “if i’d had books like this when i was younger i wouldve been able to put a name to what i was feeling and understand myself better etc etc” and it just fucking breaks my heart bc. i mean people were booing and jeering and standing up to walk towards them and having to be restrained and that was SO fucking brave of them but also like. yeah. they know that. and thats exactly why they want to ban the books.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I have been openly living as a trans man for some years now. And I'm at a point where it doesn't take up so much mental space anymore.

Don't get me wrong: I certainly do not mean "it doesn't matter anymore" here. I am not a "just call me whatever pronouns, I do not care" person and I don't think I ever will be. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, it's just not how I feel. Being adressed with my name and my pronouns is still important for my mental well-being, and it still triggers feelings of dysphoria when people misgender me.

Even apart from misgendering: My identity is still important, and it always will be! Being trans is not some small thing that loses its importance over time. It's who I am. Being a man - and having grown up in a society that told me I wasn't - influences the way I experience everything in my life (from my self-image to my relationships with others to... well, everything).

What I do mean here is: Before coming out to others, and also before coming out to myself and accepting myself as a man, there were naturally a lot of questions running circles in my brain. Why do I feel so sad when adults tells me I'll grow into a woman? Why does it cause me so much stress when mom tells me to put on a dress? Why does it make me so euphoric to use masculine scents? When I try to picture myself kissing a boy, why do I see two boys? Ah, I just learned trans people exist, why does this fascinate me so much that I can't stop thinking about it? Am I creepy for being so fascinated by them? I'm older now, why is that sad feeling not going away? Why is it only getting worse now that I have "grown into a woman"? Why do I keep getting this horrified feeling that I took a wrong route somewhere and was never meant to arrive at "woman"? Wait... could this mean I am trans? Is it too late to realize I am trans at my age? Can I really be trans when the whole thought of even just considering surgery feels overwhelming and scary? Will I ever be ready to actually come out as trans? I really want to get married some day, could I even find love as a trans person? Can I ever be happy in a relationship if I hide who I am? Can I go on living in the closet? Okay, I am trans and want to come out, is it safe to do that? Will my family still love me? Will I ever be brave enough to come out to people outside of my immediate circle? Will people take me seriously? Will people hate me? Will I regret coming out? What if I fuck up my life?

Well, I came out and the world didn't end. All these questions, I either found answers to them or they just dissolved over time - and that frees up a lot of energy and mental space. The space that was occupied by these questions and concerns is now available to me again.

I do not wonder if I am a man anymore. I just am one. It has become something that is just self-evident to me. It goes without saying - or without conciously spending time thinking about it. Of course I am a man, of course I am Oliver. Who else would I be?

We all have a limited amount of things we can focus on, and many trans people share this experience that over time they do not need to focus so much on it anymnore. But this is not unique to the process of figuring out you are trans - in the sense that a cis gay, bi, ace etc. person could also relate to this, but also in entirely non-lgbt-specific ways. Think about a person prepping for an important exam for example. A lot of their energy and mental space will be tied up in exam related questions... which obviously will not be a permanent state. After the exam, they will naturally no longer by preoccupied by wondering how the exam will go!

I'm telling you all this because one of you asked me if I struggled with coming to terms with being a trans man - and this is my very long way of saying: Yes, I did (and it's pretty normal to do! It's a really big realization about yourself!) but struggling isn't a permanent state.

You'll find answers to some questions, some questions will just fade away. You'll figure things out.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[drunkenfeminista]

oh god, not the ace discourse on my feed in the year 2023...

no one deserved the level of hate that ace folks in that era got on here. no one deserves death threats, endless harassment, doxxing, and all manner of other awful awful actions against them simply for existing in a way thats different from others. it was disgusting to see back then and it still is to this day.

i do still find it endlessly frustrating and disrespectful though to see so many ace folk and allies consistently push this narrative that those who are ace are inherently queer/LGBT and that the queer folk who tried to correct that belief are actually horrible monstrous bigots who all violently attacked ace people. this isnt true and never was true, even admitted in the replies to this very post where ppl point out a lot of people doing that were also transphobic/homophobic in ways. a lot of ace people at that time refused to understand that the LGBT community and the very acronym itself, were not some open subculture or general group of societal "outcasts" like punks or goths that you could simply just declare you were a part of because you wanted to be. whether ace people want to accept it or not, being asexual is not an inherently queer thing. a LACK of sexual ATTRACTION is not in the same category as queer romantic/sexual attraction or even more so an experience of gender dysphoria of some kind. you can be asexual while also being cishet. where is the queerness there? if you are ace and trans or ace and homoromantic, you ARE queer, but not because of your asexuality. you are valid and real if you are asexual and NO ONE has the power or right to say you are faking it or attack you for it or any of the toxic shit that DID eventually happen, but a lot of people have ignored the fact that ace people essentially threw a fit about not being seen as LGBT until they victimized themselves enough to just be haphazardly lumped in with a community that was at the forefront of civil rights for marginalized identities. which, in my opinion, has done A LOT of damage to the progress the queer community was trying to make at the time. it is not solely on the shoulders of ace people, im not saying that at all, but it did play a factor in my opinion.

a lot of people dont seem to understand that the fights for queer rights, the establishing of marginalized communities, and the defense of othered peoples is an incredibly complex and complicated issue with a lot of nuance, grey area, and definitely mistakes to be made that are a core part of the discussion. let me tell you, as an ANCIENT tumblrite, this website was NOT a place for nuanced discussion in 2014-2017 and it frankly barely is now. when i was in my late teens and early 20s, the entire world was black and white and you were either on the side of good people or you were an evil monster and my part of the ace discourse was the first time i was seen as some evil person by what i thought was *my* community as a lesbian trans woman. it very much opened my eyes to the fact that things are not simple, these discussions are not good vs evil, reality isnt a movie or a comic book. but we were all kids or young stupid adults and most of us were growing up in a time period where it was becoming okay to simply exist as we were. the LGBT community was sort of a beacon for that and so EVERYONE tried to jump in the pool not realising it wasnt built for that.

at the end of that whole time period, i and plenty of other people like me were labelled monstrous acephobes and it was very disheartening to see when our only real message was that ace people dont belong in *this* community, not that they dont deserve one at all or more generally to exist. i love my ace friends and most of them agree with me outright, but its still something argued and fought over today with the same lack of nuance i saw back then. human beings dont like to be told they dont belong somewhere because were told the general idea of not belonging somewhere is inherently bad when it isnt. sometimes, things arent made or created for everyone and that is perfectly okay. its why communities and beliefs are built everyday; not everything is a perfect match for who you are or what you stand for. it is okay to accept that without either side making the other out to be a villain.

I don't think younger/newer users fully grasp the shit show that ace discourse was around 2014-17

It was so hostile that, to this day, discussions that begin to derail just enough can make me physically nauseous, some specific mockery trigger crying sessions years later. We lost most accounts with any sort of ace positivity. There was no information, no support, and all this damage was done predominantly by other queer people.

All this to say that you, however you identify yourself, should be engaging with aphobic comments the same way you do any hate. We don't sugarcoat or try to be comprehensive with people who are blatantly racist, homophobic or terfs, so why give it a pass just because it's coming from a queer person? I see how this tolerance goes and it's done enough damage as it is.

[twentytarot]

hi everyone! i’ve been hard at work with my job this past month but i am finally done and back with a reading. today, we’re doing a reading on marriage in your life in general. pick the tiffiany ring that sets your thoughts off, triggers a memory or invokes a strong emotion and scroll right down for your reading. see you there! 💍

CONTENT WARNING: there are negative piles here. not every pile has a future spouse.

PILE ONE: CUSHION CUT

if you were handed an ultimatum and forced to choose between marriage and work, you’d probably get into your car and go to work the next morning. this makes things a little complicated, because you’re ambitious, you’re feisty, you hate it when your time and attention is used up on something that doesn’t matter to you. if you get married, however, your time will be eroded by many things that don’t matter in hindsight. you see, there will always be ridiculous in-laws, there will always be someone that will want your help so long as it is available. someone is going to want kids, even if that decision is completely irrelevant to them, or something dumb like that. no married couple gets out of having to deal with these things, and no couple gets through it without fighting over it a single time. so, my question to you is: will you have the patience to see this through? or will you fold?

unfortunately, the cards don’t predict the best of outcomes when it comes to your marriage. you probably will decide not to get married in the first place. if you do, you might remarry, or get into a questionable third-party situation. yet, i don’t see this being a huge hindrance on your life as a whole. you seem to me like the kind of person who cares less about having an other half compared to your friends, and i think you are going to have so much going for you in other facets in your life that you won’t be clinging onto this relationship when it goes south. this gives me celebrity vibes, almost, like someone who can never be home and the relationship ends because work is so demanding. so this will be a little sad, but i’m confident you will pick yourself back up quickly. 

astrologically, cancer came out very strong, and the interpretation i want to go with is that your most significant relationship will be very cancerian in nature. comforting at first, but ultimately probably not aligned with what you want to do with your life. that’s alright, you’ll be able to afford your own diamond ring anyway.

PILE TWO: SOLITARE

well, pile two, it looks like someone told you “if no one is going to marry you, i will”, and then they took it seriously. i kid, but i do see an element of your future spouse being someone you didn’t expect at all. perhaps you thought they would just be a best friend that knows all your secrets. and yet, this person knows your darkest secrets and then offers you love in its purest form. i get the feeling you’re not quite used to that, pile two. i’m hearing this underlying feeling of “what if i give too much, wait what if i give too little”, and i think this is partly because you haven’t seen first-hand a marriage that is of the kind you want to be in. it feels like you’re not sure if happy marriages exist in your world. well, they do. it just turns out that you give just the right amount when you’re not trying, which is why a best friend finally becomes your spouse.

this person will be with you through thick and thin, you will feel like they are your soulmate. you will always feel balanced in your relationship with this person because they will always be silently watching the scales, tipping it this way and that whenever something is about to swing out of balance. they will help you feel like you have nothing to worry about, they will bring a childlike kind of happiness into your life. 

now, onto a little bit of warning. no marriage is only ever happy, and i sense that your source of pain will come from outside influences. money is one, health is another. you will be very much together, but it’s a blessing and a curse because when one goes down, the other follows. the advice to you is to try your best to lift each other up through bad times, and know when you have to detach and go do your thing alone for the good of your future with them. you don’t have to always turn around to make sure they’re following, they’re your forever! they’ll be there.

PILE THREE: ROSE INFINITY

your marriage isn’t going to be a very fast-paced one— when you meet your future person, you’re going to be eons away from being ready to get married, and they will be the same. i almost feel like you will laugh at yourself when you start dating this person. the relationship just isn’t... pretty. this person almost brings out the worst in you: you fight them about the stupidest things and rile them up all the time just because it’s funny. there’s ten separate occasions where you’re pretty sure you should have been dumped or dumped them for some iconic out of left field insults, but for some reason it’s just funny after you’ve both calmed down. so it’s fun, and it’s so 20-something, but you’re preparing yourself for the inevitable breakup. and then... it somehow never comes.

somewhere along the lines, you grew up, and so did they. you didn’t know it then, but this person brings the best out of you as much as they bring out the worst. like a tantrum that just has to be thrown before a little child can settle down, you took your growing pains out on each other, and then somehow managed to fit into each others’ lives forever without even thinking about it. you give each other love naturally, flowing with each other and keeping each other sane. after you get married, there’s a feeling of “i can rest when this person is around” kind of energy because you trust each other to come out with the truth when it needs to be said, but you also trust that the person will be there to pick up the pieces if you break.

so this person isn’t as good-looking as you hoped or imagined. or they’re not the type to show you off, and they’re not really the type that wants to be showed off either. so maybe someone made a joke at their expense and you laughed. the beauty of all of that is, despite all of that, they love you and will for a long time. isn’t that already more than we can ask for, as mere mortals?

PILE FOUR: YELLOW HALO

okay... there are two groups of people in this pile. let’s talk similarities first. your partner is going to be quite eccentric. visual arts came up in particular, so perhaps your partner will be an artist? the last similarity is that marriage is unlikely, but as for why, it depends on which interpretation resonates more with you.

for the first group, this is probably my lgbt+ in a place that hasn’t legalised marriages not between a man and a woman pile. for reasons that seem bigger than yourself, marriage is unlikely in your life. i feel a lot of unwelcome judgement coming from this group. i think you might not get too much support around you; maybe your parents have something against people who are not in “professional degree” jobs, or your family and environment as a whole is very conservative. regardless, you will be with this person, but it might be beyond both of your abilities to get married for real. :( i’m sorry, i wish the world were kinder.

if the first interpretation doesn’t resonate, then it has something more to do with your stubbornness. everyone wants someone that will take them for exactly who they are. that doesn’t change the fact that no two people are completely perfect for each other, though. every couple starts by taking apart their schedule and fitting the other’s in. tolerating strawberry shortcakes on their partner’s birthday even if they hate strawberries. stopping their work short even if it means that coming back to it will be hard because their partner needs something. advice here is to rethink your mindset. you could be very successful in your career, but if you think you won’t be able to go home to an empty bed, or you know that family is what you want in the future, then see how you can be more considerate to the people around you. we don’t always like to hear this, but being considerate and selfish is a never-ending balancing game, so don’t feel too bad. you’re not a bad person! these things just take time. whichever way you choose, i hope it’s the one that makes you the happiest!

[doberbutts]

I'm always amazed at how fucked up race is in the US. Like, mixed relationships were illegal in most states until the 1960s!? So people born pre-1970 are now parents and grandparents with the baggage of growing up under those laws. Its never been illegal in the UK so we have had centuries of people with mixed heritage (hi and two fingers to the British Empire). Living in a multicultural city, I can't imagine what it would be like have such rigid groupings and segregation. "Mixed race" isn't a negative term here, just factual. I'm always horrified to learn more and more about the attitudes in the US. Thank you for talking about it.

Mixed relationships were illegal in most of the US until my parents were teenagers. They desperately tried to find what they loved in each other in people of their own race, because they were terrified of the implications and they were terrified that if they married the law would be overturned and they'd be forced to divorce or move repeatedly and disrupt their future children's lives. My parents knew they wanted to get married in their early twenties and didn't actually pursue marriage until they were in their mid-thirties because of this. My folks have recently told us kids that if they had known interracial marriage would stay legal, they would have gotten married sooner and we would have had more siblings as both wanted bigger families. If they had known my white grandfather would eventually get over himself, and change, they would have pursued it sooner. If they had known things would turn out okay, they would not have hesitated.

That's a deep, generational trauma and pain that I think a lot of people don't understand. Imagine meeting someone who is your soulmate, someone you absolutely adore, someone you feel you can't live without... and being so scared to be seen out in public with that person that you're desperate to find literally anyone else that even comes close to that connection.

It's also why I have a lot of bitterness towards interracial couples from that time that are also homophobic. Do they not see the similarities? Do they not realize that what happened to them is also happening to LGBT couples that just want to love each other? Big sigh.

I don't know racial relations outside of the US and can't comment on them. I do think it would be good, however, to hear this from someone who is POC within the UK, as they'd have a better understanding on this than I would.

[nerdygaymormon]

I found this article by Nathan Kitchen, president of Affirmation, to be very compelling. 

He identifies 4 generations of gay Mormons that have existed over the past 70 years. Until about 10 or 15 years ago, the Church viewed all LGBT members as having some sort of homosexual feelings that confused gender roles. Consequently, the discussion of generations is going to focus on the treatment of gay members.  

The differences in the generations comes from the Church changing what it asks of the gay member and how it manages the existence of this group in the Church. When current practices are no longer considered acceptable to parents and others, the Church changes, thus creating the next generation. 

Each generation has a different experience with the Church’s prejudice, harassment, and discrimination. 

Nathan doesn’t identify years for each generation, and there aren’t clean breaks between one generation and the next, they bleed into each other, but I’ll put my rough estimate for each generation.

————————————————————

1st Generation (1950~1980) - The Church believed anyone could develop gay feelings and attractions, these were sinful and Church required complete rejection of these attractions. Failure to completely erase these feelings was grounds for discipline and expulsion. The church schools and most LDS families would also eject the queer person from their midst, they feared the spread of these attractions to others. Attempts to remove these “tendencies” included electro-shock therapy at BYU. Spencer W. Kimball’s book the Miracle of Forgiveness dominated Church thinking on queer topics in the era.

This is the generation that spans the most decades and consequently is the largest generation of queer Saints. This generation was taught their attractions could change if they wanted it bad enough. The violence and hostility against these individuals caused a great deal of trauma and many perished. After breaking these people, the Church washed its hands of them by ejecting them from membership, therefore removing the need to deal with the consequences of its actions in those lives.

2nd Generation (1980~2000) - Rather than insist on complete erasure of homosexual feelings (the church thought all queer identities came down to homosexuality), it employed the idea of secrecy and to act like heterosexuals. This is the invisible generation because their bishops told them to never tell anyone else. This group felt isolated and alone, hidden from other members and each other. This invisibility allowed other members to believe there were no gay people in the Church, certainly not in their congregation. This generation was encouraged to enter mixed-orientation marriages, have kids and live like a straight person and everything would be alright. If it didn’t work out, then you weren’t strong enough.

These members served in Young Women’s, as bishops, Relief Society presidencies, on the High Council, and so on. Some of them still exist in the Church, hidden from everyone because the cost of coming out is so high and the shame they have about their attractions (the Church didn’t distinguish much between feelings and actions, so these people feel bad for things they’ve never done). Every so often, we’ll hear about a former mission president or stake president who finally comes out after decades of living as a straight person.

Most of the mixed-orientation marriages failed, the queer person eventually spoke their truth, picked up the pieces of their shattered dreams, and moved on. When it became clear that a straight marriage with a straight spouse didn’t fix them, the Church moved on, usually offering support to the divorced straight spouse and rejecting the queer spouse. 

3rd Generation (2000~2015) - The Church decided gay thoughts aren’t a problem, but gay actions are. The Church encouraged people to use the term “same-sex attraction (SSA)” as a way to avoid queer identities that’s don’t fit in the Church’s view of God’s Plan. Basically, we’re all straight people and some of us are struggling with unwanted attractions. SSA was compared to addictions. Queer people no longer had to remain hidden, so they found each other and attended conferences together and encouraged each other. Members would admire you for your wrestle against SSA.

Being unable to ‘overcome’ their SSA was distressing. Although the Church no longer officially endorsed mixed-orientation marriages, many local leaders still encouraged these but with full disclosure to the straight spouse, even though these couples don’t really understand what they’re signing up for. Many queer people turned to conversion therapy to change (usually not knowing there was no evidence these programs worked or were even based in proven techniques or methods, and resulted in higher suicide rates & mental health issues). 

Because they were trying to make this path work and were admired for it, these queer members mostly didn’t share their struggles & mental health challenges with their family, friends, or other members. Unlike the 2nd generation, they were visible, but largely were kept silent. A generation seen but not heard. 

4th Generation (2015~present) - Instead of being required to change their orientation, or keep it secret, or to nobly struggle against their inner core, today’s generation is told it’s okay to identify as gay, lesbian and bisexual. There’s nothing wrong with your attractions. We want you at church, there’s a place for you here. You belong. We celebrate you by sharing videos and publishing books about single, celibate members who are gay and bi. We reject conversion therapy, no violence, no denying identities, no encouraging mixed-orientation marriages. We celebrate you...as long as you are single & celibate. 

We have many gay couples who think they’re loved enough and belong enough that they attend church together, they sit together, they’re dating and things seem okay. Once they marry, the swiftness & ferocity with which their leaders take action against them is stunning. The couple finds the warm, fuzzy messages of belonging actually hide a structure that’s still as prejudiced and discriminatory as the past. What is their place in the Church...they’re allowed to attend as visitors.

This approach held onto a lot of families, but increasingly it’s not enough. As the queer child grows up and becomes interested in love and relationships, church no longer works. And if church is not welcoming and affirming of their queer child, more and more entire families exit with them. Generation Z grew up with queer friends and many cite the Church’s treatment of LGBTQIA+ people as a reason they are leaving the Church.

————————————————————

As society changes and becomes more accepting, the Church has to change how it treats its queer members. What was acceptable in the 1970′s is now looked at with horror and revulsion. Today’s parents would never subject their child to electrical shocks or induced nausea, how barbaric.

The changes the Church has made is in how it treats the gay member, not in how it views them nor in what it preaches about them. They’re still absent from God’s Plan, or as I prefer to put it, absent from the Church’s version of God’s Plan. Because the Church has not substantially changed how it views queer people, it’s going to continue to find how it treats queer people will fail. 

The Church treats queer members far better than it did in the past, but until it actually embraces queer members, listens to their voices and what they want, the Church will adjust, and adjust again. Not hating us is not enough, the Church must learn to love us. 

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[cowboyjen68]

Hello! I have a question about the word "butch"- I have a lesbian friend who's recently got into the politics/ discourse side of it online and is asking what "butch" means and I have to admit I wasn't much help. Her words: "isn't 'lesbian' enough? why does it need categories"? I know there's some history surrounding femme/ butch and it's not simply an "aesthetic" for want of a better word but basically as I'm lost as she is on what the word means and why it's important? Could you explain?

Skip to the last 2 paragraphs if you want the short answer. ;)

I am not the authority on butch and I don't proclaim to be. My experience with butch and being such seems to resonate with lots of women so I am confident that sharing it might give some helpful insight. 

 First.. lesbian is enough for many women and I would say the vast majority of lesbians do not fall under butch or femme or feel a connection to either word. The historical and also the luggage that the straight and even LGBT culture attach to the words can keep some women from having a positive feeling or outlook on either word. There are lots of women I know, or who I see who are butch.. to me .. my "butch nod" does off on its own but they don't use the term and we all should respect that. I don't assume.

 I know the history.. the working class use of the word and how it has some roots even with gay men. I think it differed a bit depending on the city, country and even neighborhood where butch might have been used or heard. The history.. is not unimportant to me but it is not priority in how I use it for me, if that makes sense. 

I grew up knowing I was "not like other girls". And not in the sense that i wanted to be special, quite the opposite. For the most part I wanted to blend in, to be "one of the girls". To not be paranoid that the other girls thought I was looking at them in the locker room in a sexual way or to feel like I could have "girl talk" without them saying things like "you are kind of like a boy.. what do you think?" It was obvious to me from a young age that I was not "girly" enough. That as a kid being a tomboy was okay, even cute, but that I was expected to outgrow all of that and be pretty or like dresses or want boys to look at my breasts. (little did i know very few girls, if any EVER want that breast thing -- I was just going by what society was blatantly teaching me). 

 As I got older my interest in "boy" things did not change and sometimes the "girl" things I liked I felt the need to oppress, because every time I expressed interest in the feminine my mom and others would praise me and it made me feel worse. Let me be clear, my mom and dad pretty much let me dress, act and do as a I liked. My dad was happy to have a kid of any sex who would pitch in with the manual chores and dirty work. Mom was a bit more invested in me growing into a lady but not so much in an aggressive way but in a quiet expectation kind of way. 

I knew by 12 i liked only girls and my efforts to fight that kicked into high gear in a desperate attempt to NOT be "that" way. I could not bring myself to wear dresses or like the same things as my female friends but I went with jeans and t shirts. Generic enough to fit my comfort zone and not clock me as "a lesbian". Looking back at photos I was failing that too. I finally knew being a lesbian was not phase and that was it for me. 

I still felt different. I was always called "son" , "young man" and "sir" . "Why do you dress like a man?" "Do you want to be a boy or something?" were questions I was asked by friends, bullies, strangers. At 12 I told mom I wanted to be a boy. She busted my game immediately. (that is a story for another blog post). I used gay for the first year I was out. THEN I started to pay attention to my older lesbians friends. They only and ever used lesbian, proudly..no excuses no apologies. At 24, at a women's Festival I saw women of all types and one woman told me I was "the cutest little butch". Suddenly.. a word to capture my experience. My friends watched me celebrate and laughed because they all knew. 

 That is a long build up for this. Butch can be a comfort to those of us who have had the experience of being told, or being referred to as “man like” or that we are "just like men" or "want to be a man". When for me, and most other butches, that is not our truth. We are women. And love and live with the experience of a woman. That reality is often  denied by the perception of others. Others try to define us. Butch, the word, allows us to define ourselves. It just IS who we are. A butch naked is still a butch. A butch in any clothing or hairstyle is still a butch. It is not something that can be removed. Call it an energy or an aura.

 Not everyone need the word or connects with it, but those of us that do get comfort from being able to describe how we move in this world and allows us to find others who can understand and relate. That was one hell of a long answer. I admit. I love being butch, writing about being butch and filming tiktoks about being butch. Butch is important to me, the word and the experience.

[hello-that-happened]

How She-Ra, Wrong Hordak, and I Deconverted in Six Steps

Alright y'all, it's time for my fourth essay exploring how She-Ra and the Princess of Power (SPOP) used Christian themes and parallels to provide a humanist message.

My first post named 9 major messages of SPOP that contradict Christian fundamentalism.

My second gave the historical context of how our generation and Noelle's are growing up to overthrow Christian fundamentalism after it became such a powerful enemy in the U.S.

My third discussed the parallel between Horde Prime’s rage at Hordak’s self-naming and the Christian idea that everyone is an instrument of God’s will.

Now I want to discuss how Adora's and Wrong Hordak's journeys defections from the Horde parallel my story, and potentially others', of leaving Christianity. Adora and Wrong Hordak experience many of the same stages in his journey out of the Horde as many ex-Christians experience leaving Christianity.

My own experience leaving Christianity was a journey into atheism, so I will interpret Adora's and Wrong Hordak's stories through that lens. Plenty of people who left toxic/conservative Christianity behind still believe in God, in heaven, and/or in the value of Christian communities. I do not want to minimize or dismiss their experiences, and I welcome progressive Christians as allies in the fight for LGBT+ rights and social justice generally. But when I watched Adora and Wrong Hordak leave their belief in The Horde behind, I saw myself leaving Christianity behind. I want to tell my story through/alongside theirs. I hope some of you can relate, but it is okay if you cannot, regardless of your religious beliefs or lack thereof.

Deconversion in Fast-Forward

Adora, Wrong Hordak, and I escaped from the organizations that raised us and its worldview in six somewhat-distinct stages:

Multiple major characters' arcs in She-Ra begin with rethinking their loyalty to The Horde. Wrong Hordak and Adora both lose their faith in The Horde after a lifetime of indoctrination into its ideals and goals. Their journey away from The Horde mirrors many young Americans' away from Christianity, with at least one notable exception: time. Deconversion takes multiple years for most ex-Christians, but only takes a few days for Adora and Wrong Hordak. Their de-conversion basically represents a speed run of most ex-Christians'.

Full Breakdown of Each Stage

(tw: mention of depression and suicidal ideation)

Adora takes delight in pretending to beat up an imaginary princess in the show's first scene, and later calls princesses "violent instigators who don't even know how to control their powers." She believes in the ideals of The Horde, and feels excited to rise through the ranks to become Force Captain. Obedience to Horde authorities comes fairly naturally to her, and she even chides Catra for being "disrespectful."

Wrong Hordak consistently repeats his loyalty to Horde Prime throughout his first episode and beyond. Even while being attacked by his fellow clones, Wrong Hordak affirms that "We serve Horde Prime's will." Unprompted in the next episode he happily announces, "I believe in Horde Prime!"

I felt proud, as a kid in Sunday School, that I could answer more questions about the Bible than any of the other kids. My church's youth group was the most enjoyable part of my middle school years especially because I got to hang out with the guy I only recently realized I'd had a huge gay crush on. I started viewing "feeling happy" and "feeling the presence of God" as identical. I wrote in my 2011 "Faith Statement" for my church's Confirmation that "I fell in love with God," and that "I thank God that I was born into a good Christian family and was raised to honor God."

Adora is kidnapped by the Horde's enemies and taken away from her home, separated from all of the voices reassuring her that The Horde is a good organization with a just mission. Shadow Weaver is not around to give her orders or map out her future anymore, leaving her alone with her enemies and her thoughts.

Wrong Hordak's connection to the hive-mind he knew for all of his life is severed. "I am…alone?" he asks in shock, then breaks down and cries, "I am alone!" For someone who grew up living in the same mind as his entire communal "family," suddenly losing that connection to everyone he knew would be traumatizingly shocking. The best equivalent I can think of in human experience is being suddenly ripped away from your family and community and then never seeing them again.

I kept conflating happiness with my faith in God for years, even after my crush moving away drove me into suicidal ideation for a couple weeks in 2011. My mental health recovered for a year before settling into a long-term depression in 2012. Because I conflated happiness with the presence of God, my depression felt like something had taken away the presence of God.

Adora defends the organization that raised her by quoting her highest authority: "Hordak says we're doing what's best for Etheria. We're trying to make things better. More orderly." Glimmer argues against Adora's worldview by showing her (1) that princesses are just people instead of dangerous violent monsters, and (2) what The Horde has done: first the ruins of a village destroyed by The Horde, and then that the village of Thaymor which she was told to attack was peaceful, innocent, and happy.

Wrong Hordak grabs Entrapta by the hair for the crime of "trespassing," and enjoys saying, "Prime shall hear of this, and his punishment shall be merciless." But once Bow’s arrow disconnects him from the Horde’s hivemind, he is simultaneously stranded away from the people who constantly reinforced his belief in Horde Prime’s goodness and stuck with a group of people opposing Prime. For a long time, Wrong Hordak simply pretends that the Best Friend Squad™ serve Horde Prime just like everyone else he ever knew. Every line of his dialogue in “Taking Control” is a quick, snappy motto he took from Horde propaganda, like “I believe…in Horde Prime” and “True nourishment comes from the favor of Horde Prime.” [see footnote 1]

I was well aware, growing up in a progressive suburb, that plenty of my high school friends were nonreligious. After my depression sunk in, I found myself arguing about religion with a brilliant but very smug British friend who consistently refuted my arguments in ways I could not dispute. Searching for arguments to support my pre-existing beliefs, I started reading Christian apologetics, but found nothing my friends could not easily refute. [see footnote 2]

Adora sees the ruins of the site of a Horde attack while with Glimmer and Bow, and at first rejects what Glimmer tells her about what she sees to preserve her worldview: "This doesn't make any sense. The Horde would never do something like this…You don't know them like I do." But when she sees The Horde attack Thaymor, the belief system painstakingly constructed by The Horde and drilled into her over 15 (or so) years comes crashing down. At first she can rationalize away her experiences to preserve her beliefs, but when the evidence of her own senses becomes overwhelming she cannot resolve the cognitive dissonance between her belief in The Horde's goodness and her direct experience of The Horde attacking the innocent town of Thaymor. Her worldview cannot explain what she experienced.

Wrong Hordak keeps his belief in Horde Prime's all-powerful nature for a long time after joining the Best Friend Squad. However, when until the Best Friend Squad catches him in a contradiction. He tells them what he was told: that Krytis does not exist. As soon as they start questioning the contradiction he was fed, he becomes extremely uncomfortable. He maintains his denial of Krytis' existence even after they land on the planet, until he can no longer deny the evidence that Horde Prime is not all-powerful.

I grew up, like many of you, on the Internet. My depression began during the heyday of the online atheist movement—and by “heyday,” I mean “seemingly inescapable presence,” especially on YouTube where I hung out. I kept running into comments asking questions that I could not answer: Why does Christianity seem to promote belief based on internal feelings instead of observable evidence? Why would an all-loving god send anyone to hell forever? Why did I believe claims from Christian doctrine and doubt claims from every other religion? Why has Christianity seemed to cling to the past instead of embracing a progressive future? The questions overwhelmed me. I found myself terrified of my own growing doubts. Eventually, my belief was based entirely on two emotions: nostalgia for past happy experiences I associated with Christianity, and a fear of losing the vague hope those experiences gave me.

The first time that Bow and Glimmer met Adora, they immediately labeled her “Horde soldier!,” and the label stuck through the first three episodes. Adora has always identified herself primarily as a soldier serving The Horde, echoing the messages she has heard for her whole life: “Shadow Weaver said it didn't matter who I was before, that—that I was nothing before Hordak took me in.” The language of “I was nothing” reflects cult dynamics where a group tries to retain someone permanently by making them think of themself as nothing more than their worshipful loyalty to the group. Similarly, it is a common Christian belief that “without Jesus we are nothing.”

After realizing that Horde Prime fes him lies, Wrong Hordak collapsed into a sobbing mess. “Who am I if not an exalted brother of Prime?,” he bawled, still thinking that the only legitimate kind of identity is one based on fully devoted worship of an all-powerful authority. Per Entrapta, “It seem[ed] that Wrong Hordak has begun to question the meaning of life.” She later described Wrong Hordak’s breakdown as an “existential crisis,” which happens “when individuals question whether their lives have meaning, purpose, or value, and are negatively impacted by the contemplation.” Without an all-powerful father figure to value him, Wrong Hordak thought, who would?

I identified myself fundamentally as a Christian for my entire childhood and teen years. I found joy, purpose, and a sense of self in my religion. Leaving my religion behind felt like burning the bridge to who I was behind me. When I de-converted from Christianity, I felt like I was standing at the brink of a void. I thought that without finding goodness in God, I might find no goodness at all. [see footnote 3]

When Wrong Hordak finishes (digitally, but also emotionally) processing the Krytis data logs of Horde Prime leaving in defeat, he explicitly renounces his old loyalties and declares his opposition to the organization and beliefs that he used to believe in with all his heart: "Brothers! Horde Prime lied to us. He is a false ruler. We must rise up against him, and free the universe from his unjust reign!"

After Adora betrays the Horde at the Battle of Thaymor, she pledges her loyalty to Bright Moon in her battle against the Horde: "I’ve seen for myself the atrocities the Horde has committed against the people of Etheria, and I’m ready to fight to stop them. If you give me the chance, I know I can help the Rebellion turn the tide of the war."

I didn't have an explicit declaration statement like Wrong Hordak or Adora. However, on 5/5/15 I arranged a meeting with my very friendly and understanding youth pastor as a last-ditch effort to save my faith. I hoped that he would crush my worrying doubts. Instead, actually encouraged me to become agnostic and to look into non-Christian beliefs on the subject of religion. Rather than feeling terrified of what I might find and wishing that someone could indoctrinate me into my old belief system, I started on a path to discover the truth wherever it might lead me.

Footnotes for Context

Christian fundamentalists’ similarly simplistic snappy phrases have been labeled by ex-Christians as “thought-terminating clichés… brief, highly reductive, definitive-sounding phrases” where “Simple labels are attached to something you like or dislike, and they are the start and finish of all thought on the subject.” Such black-and-white “totalistic” thinking is common in Christian fundamentalism, especially how it labels complex political topics as somehow being merely a cover for “spiritual warfare” between the totally good/Godly side and the totally evil/demonic side.

Specifically, I started reading an “Intelligent Design” propaganda apologetics book by Lee Strobel called The Case For A Creator. A self-proclaimed former atheist, Strobel wrote his The Case For series using my same research strategy: Only do research using sources that already agree with you. Whereas Strobel exclusively talked to other Christian apologists, though, I at least tried talking to atheists. Anyway, I walked into school one day with a confident smile and a copy of Strobel’s book and sat down with some friends. One of them, another brilliant atheist but with a far subtler and humbler personality, noticed it and his face immediately sunk into the expression of someone exhausted by the topic as he braced himself for my bullshit. When I confidently asserted a creationist talking point trying to dismiss the findings of some old experiment, he not only knew the experiment but immediately dismantled my talking point. I had no reply. What struck me most was not just his swift rebuttal, but his weary tone: My arguments were not only bad, but so bad that he was genuinely tired of them.

Around the same time, I became obsessed with the character of Kefka from Final Fantasy 6. To me, Kefka represented what I feared most about leaving Christianity behind — that I would lose any sense of meaning, purpose, or morality in my life. ("Life… Dreams… Hope…Where do they come from? And where are they headed? Such meaningless things!") Edgy, I know, but in my mind that kind of absurdism seemed to be an inevitable result of abandoning my religious beliefs. Fortunately, I came to understand that there is plenty of meaning, purpose, beauty, and goodness outside of the particular religion that I happened to be born into.

[mellometal]

Hi, everyone.

I have something extremely important to talk about that is NOT fandom related. I really do hope this can reach everyone on here, especially since it's still Autism Acceptance Month.

A few quick questions for anyone who happens to see this before I dive right into this: Have you ever heard of Dhar Mann? If so, have you ever seen his videos? What do you think about them?

If you don't know who Dhar Mann is, he's a content creator whose main platforms are Instagram and YouTube. He makes these videos about various scenarios from a couple on the brink of divorce, to kids bullying one of their peers, even about Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of his videos have some kind of message at the end that really drives the point home. One of his most recent videos is about ASD, which is what I'm going to discuss today.

Personally, I think some of his videos are interesting, despite the concepts being reused and recycled over and over; however, how I feel about the video he made about ASD is the complete opposite. I'll summarize the video he made so you don't have to watch it. (If you really want to watch it to see exactly what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna stop you. Do what you need to do in order to form your own opinion.)

The video Dhar Mann made about ASD is about this boy who excludes his autistic brother from participating in activities with his friends at school. The boy bullies his autistic brother and does pretty much everything to make his brother's life Hell, even going as far as to pretend that he doesn't know his own brother. The boy "instantly regrets his decision" when their mom is called into the school to discipline her son for bullying his autistic brother. What his mother says is what REALLY upsets me. The message of this video in particular is this, WORD FOR FUCKING WORD. I wish I was kidding. But here's the message below:

How the video concludes is the boy reluctantly includes his autistic brother in every single activity, the boy sees his brother's potential, and they live happily ever after. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

As an autistic woman who works with disabled people for a living, that message Dhar Mann put in this video specifically is not only extremely ableist, but is also spreading misinformation about ASD.

News flash to all the people who still spread misinformation about ASD: Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school, nor is every single autistic person a young white man who's a Super Genius™️. (I could go on all day long about how the media stereotypes autistic characters and autistic people in general, but that's a whole other topic.) No autistic person is the same, meaning we all fall on the spectrum in different places and all that jazz. There's no "look" to autistic people either because no autistic person looks the same.

Autistic women exist.

Autistic girls exist.

Autistic nonbinary people exist.

Autistic BIPOC and AAPI exist.

Autistic people who are completely nonverbal exist.

Autistic people who are completely verbal exist.

Autistic people who are in the middle of being nonverbal and verbal exist.

Autistic people who require minimal to no support exist.

Autistic people who require moderate support exist.

Autistic people who require full support exist.

Autistic LGBT people exist. (Reason why I bring this one up is because the media almost always shows cishet autistic men and I don't see autistic LGBT representation very often, if ever.)

Autism isn't something you can "catch". People have this same mentality about ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome too, which, by the way, you can't "catch" either.

Autism doesn't "go away" when you reach adolescence or adulthood. Why? BECAUSE AUTISTIC TEENAGERS AND AUTISTIC ADULTS EXIST. Autistic kids grow into autistic teenagers, then into autistic adults.

You can't "cure" it either. Unless you can build a time machine and a device to go back in time to change how a person's brain develops, there is no cure. ABA therapy is a fucking shit show in itself that does more harm than good.

The title of the video is a real squick for me too. It's mostly because I don't particularly enjoy people using person first language (the "boy with autism" part). I've seen many other autistic people on multiple other platforms sharing that same sentiment and preferring identity first language (autistic person). There are also others who prefer using person first language and those who don't have a preference. That's all perfectly valid. Whatever you prefer people using when referring to you, or whatever you refer to yourself as, in this case, is totally valid and I love you. This goes for disabilities in general, not just Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Regarding the message in this video, here's my response to it! A quick heads-up, my response is VERY long and VERY passionate. I was VERY close to making a response video where I tear that video apart AND tear Dhar Mann a new asshole. Unfortunately, it worked me up so much that I was really struggling with what I wanted to say and I had to stop multiple times because I kept stumbling on my words. That's how angry this message made me. I'll try my best to explain whatever parts you have questions about. I put my response in the nicest way I possibly could, despite me seething with rage, wanting to go OFF on him.

(The first part of my response are the first three screenshots, and the second part are the last three screenshots.)

The first part of my response, I did forget to add that the message is offensive and disrespectful to autistic people as a whole. I apologize. My initial comment got way too long. I pretty much covered that when I told him the message is ableist. I wanted to clear that up before anyone asks about it.

The second part of my response is me opening up about my experience with being diagnosed with ASD, formerly known as As//per//ger's Syn//dro//me, at sixteen years old. I also went into how not calling ASD what it truly is (which is a disability) and calling it a "different ability" instead is extremely harmful and is treating being disabled like it's a bad thing.

By the way, saying that a disabled person is disabled isn't a bad thing. I'm disabled. It is what it is. Does it have its challenges? You bet. Does it help me with certain things? Hell yeah. I can really absorb information about my favorite bands, characters, shows, books, etc., and tell you a lot about those things. For example, I can tell you that Su can't ride a bike or read manga and she's okay with that. I can also tell you she can't tie her shoes very well, which is why her boots don't have laces and are slip-on and/or zip-up. But that doesn't mean my struggles are nonexistent or that I never struggle. I do, and it makes my life Hell at times.

The narrative that autism is a bad thing to have, every autistic person is somehow broken and they all need to be "fixed" is also super fucked up and not true. That's the narrative that I received when I was diagnosed by a therapist I had. I'm gonna be real here, I cried when I was first told that I was diagnosed with ASD. I felt like I was broken. I already felt like a total outcast. Being told about my diagnosis made me feel even more broken than I already felt. I was so ashamed of myself, despite me not doing anything wrong whatsoever, that I masked for SEVEN YEARS of my life. I masked for so long that I forgot I was even diagnosed with ASD in the first place. I wasn't taught how to really put my special interests into good use. I kinda had to figure that out on my own. I was pretty much under the assumption that me being interested in anime, cartoons, music, comics, theatre, writing, etc., to the point of obsession, was somehow weird and hurting people around me. You know, despite those things being harmless. Despite me being able to separate those things from other things that are important (like work, for example). Despite my only surviving parent, other family members, and the woman he was dating at the time completely overreacting and not bothering to see exactly what makes these things so special to me.

(By the way, having a disability does not completely make who a person is. There are a lot more things that make who a person is than that.)

It's kinda shocking that I wasn't able to come to terms with my diagnosis until this year. Considering that I masked for so long due to being ashamed of myself, plus being treated like a burden for being disabled, it's probably not very surprising. I initially thought at the time that it was the worst thing to have, as I was already struggling with enough shit back then, but came to realize it's not a bad thing. It doesn't change who I am. But I'm glad I came to terms with it finally nonetheless.

This is getting way too long, so I'm gonna wrap things up here. If you've read this far, thank you so much. I'm sorry this got so long!

If you watched the video, what are your thoughts on it? If this is your first time hearing about Dhar Mann, how do you feel about him? If you're a Dhar Mann fan, did this change your opinion on him in any way? Feel free to sound off in the comments!

Have a great day, everyone!

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Fifteen | Quiet Water

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Alternate Chapter Title: The Colour Red

Note: I'll begin to use more inclusive language in terms of how the reader is referred to from here on out, as suggested by the following comment:

So, with that being said: ren is the gender-neutral/non-binary term for mom/dad (short for parent).

I'm truthfully still a bit new to this (LGBT+ info beyond homo and bisexuality isn't too widespread where I'm from), so feel free to let me know over any suggestions related to these changes. :-)

• • •

“Are you really going to let Frisk hang out with them?” Jerry asks, offering you a drink.

The smell of alcohol is beyond distinguishable when you take it; you can feel your eyes burn and your throat itch in response to its strength. “Weren’t you the one who said they hurt Frisk, in the first place?” he adds, grimacing. You set it aside. If he was trying to soften you up by making you tipsy, you weren’t falling for it. “How come they get to see Frisk more often than I do?”

You sit up straight and let your legs drape off the chair. “I’m still deciding what to do with that,” you reply, facing the beach. With the sun already close to hiding, you can tell it’s getting late. Three hours had gone by since you made it here, and yet he still chose to wait until the last minute to talk about this matter with you. “And I never stopped you from seeing Frisk. You did that to yourself. The only barrier I set was between you and me -- not them.”

Your shoulders tense at the feeling of his hands bringing you in for a hug from behind, his chin resting against your upper back. You brush him away and glare him down, jaw clenching. “Don’t touch me, Jerry,” you blurt out, chest heaving. “I’m already seeing someone else.” That last sentence is quick, unplanned, and more of a necessary impulse than anything else. Even if you weren’t in something official with the one in question yet, you didn’t want to play around.

“Who?”

“That’s none of your business.”

Jerry stands up, now his turn to be angry. “It is if he'll be the one who’ll be replacing me.” His hands clench, his back straightens, and his height towers over you. “You can’t just date any stranger you meet.” Not wanting to feel small, you stand up and lift your gaze, meeting straight with his eyes. “If the guy turns out to be bad, he..." He hesitates and changes his scowl for a frown. "He wouldn’t only be hurting you, but Frisk, too.”

“And you think I don’t know that?” You sneer and shudder when a gust of wind blows by. “I’ve been single ever since we broke up, Jerry. It’s only now that I’m finally starting to do this again!” When another breeze hits, you take a towel and wrap it around your body, protecting yourself from the cold. Ready to leave, you lift your chin and turn around, only to be held back by him once more. “What? It’s getting late, and Frisk’s already sleeping.”

“Hear me out for a second, please," he says. Your back’s still to him, leaving his expression unknown. His voice is what reveals his emotions, a hint of concern reaching his tone. “I just want what’s best for Frisk and… And you.”

“You had time to worry about that way before this. It's too late for that now.” Again, you brush his hand away and take a small step forward. “You can see Frisk anytime you want, so long as they want to. But I don’t want to talk with you anymore, Jerry. You had your chance -- Not now, when you've just found out I’m dating someone else.”

“You're being selfish.”

The next time you feel him touch you, it’s around your waist. He tries to hug you a second time, but you reject him by pushing him off you. “I said,” you snap, turning around, “don’t touch me. You were the one who said we could be parents, so don’t you dare try this with me again.”

With him now four feet apart from you, your gazes are more leveled out. Still, he tries to make up for it by closing off distance, attempting to corner you. “And yet you still agreed to it,” he remarks. “You're just as guilty as I am, (Y/N)."

You want to stay and argue, but your mind fights against it. Id and ego have a conflict as you try not to let things explode, already done with Jerry for today. The sand sinks and slows you down when you aim to make an exit, opening a path for him to stop you again. He holds your wrists and keeps you in place. There are tears welling up in his eyes and a sense of longing present in his touch. "I meant it when I said I missed you," he adds, holding you tighter. "I was... I was scared back then, thinking I wouldn't be a good father for our kid, so… So I left. But now I'm responsible enough, (Y/N), and I can prove it to you." His face gets closer, sufficient for you to smell the booze in his breath. "Don't you miss me? Just please give me one more chance, and you'll see what I mean."

Just as you're trying to break free from his hold, you hear someone open a door and touch the sandy floor. A voice intervenes, coming from the car parked nearby. You can recognize it already, but you try to focus on Jerry and his drunken state more. The voice is softer at first, growing louder when they say, "Leave ren alone."

That confirms who they are.

Frisk closes the door, walks to your side, and looks up to meet with Jerry's face. Their next words are signed, revealing their anxiety, "You might still be my dad, but you're not married to them anymore."

Your wrists burn when he lets go. You look down at them, seeing bright red contrast with the (tone) of your skin. Then, you move your attention to Jerry and see frustration still present in his eyes. His hands twitch before he balls them again and lets them fall.

"That's no way to talk to me, Frisk," he says, replacing his sorrow with anger. "Aren't you gonna say anything about it, (Y/N)?" he adds, words now directed at you.

"I told you to leave ren alone," Frisk persists, mimicking his anger.

Jerry looks at you, then at Frisk, and later at your drink, its ice now long melted. He picks it up and chugs it down in three large gulps, crushing the cup when finished. "I'm leaving."

True to his word, he storms off, sand scarcely obstructing his steps as he opens the door and climbs into the driver's seat.

You rush off to him, saying, "You're too drunk to drive. Let me do it."

He shakes his head, and a chuckle leaves his mouth as he tosses the cup aside and turns the key around. "Go take a bus if you don't wanna hitch a ride with me," he replies, snickering. "I'm out."

"It's dangerous." You hold him back by grabbing his arm, this one left to hang over the open window. "Give me the keys."

He grins and closes off distance between you. "Only if you give me a kiss, babe."

"Jerry, please. You're being ridicu-

Again, Frisk proves to be not only monsterkind's saviour, but also your own as they speak up again, another voice accompanying theirs. "Step away from the car and let them drive, sir." You look to the voice to see the local lifeguard standing next to Frisk. She has her arms crossed tight and firm lips, showing her authority.

Arm muscles define themselves as she stands up straighter and narrows her gaze at Jerry. A thin layer of patience reveals itself by the way she taps her foot and frowns. Her neon red swimsuit contrasts with her tanned skin and black hair alike, making her an unavoidable sight for those looking for trouble.

"Don't wanna."

"Do it for your child." Her frown deepens, furrowed eyebrows completing her look. "Or else I'll be forced to hand you over to our guards until you sober up."

"Take me, then." He steps out of the vehicle and holds his arms out; a sloppy smile shows up as he waits for her to approach him and do as told. "If I'm not driving my car, then nobody else will."

"Jerry, please, stop thi-"

Too late for you to try to calm him down, the lifeguard walks to his side and looks him right in the eyes. "Suit yourself." She signals for him to follow her, waiting until he turns the vehicle off, takes the keys away, and complies. "You'll have your car ready by tomorrow morning. But for now, you get a free, one-night stay with our security guards." She then moves to you, barely changing her expression until she speaks up again. "There's a bus stop left to the exit." A hint of a smile shows on her face, hardly noticeable. Had you blinked, it wouldn't have shown. "The next one should be here in ten minutes."

You nod, too shocked for words. Out of the two years you spent being friends with Jerry, a few months of dating, and a few more of marriage, this was one of the few occasions where you'd seen him react this way. "Thank you." You take Frisk's hand and walk with them out of the beach, steps slow as you consider what's happened. You want to recall times when he'd acted similar to today, yet your mind runs short, only pleasant memories and the day he left you showing up. Anything else is blanked out, bringing out your frustration through a huff.

"Are you okay?"

On the verge of letting unwanted emotions show, you bite on your lower lip and face down at Frisk, managing a smile. "I'm okay."

They stay quiet and let go of your hand to sign their next words. "Is it still okay for me to hang out with Jerry?"

You hum in agreement, maintaining your smile. "Of course it is." Your hands shake and you try wringing them to control it. Frisk notices, a hint of red still visible on your skin. "...Just as long as he's sober and treating you well. Don't worry about me, honey."

They frown and keep their eyes on your wrists. You struggle to hide that from them, though they persist by saying, "I… I don't wanna hang out with him anymore. He hurt you."

Anger spikes, making you blurt out the first thing on your mind, "The monsters hurt you, too. And yet I'm still giving them a second chance."

Frisk furrows their gaze and looks up at you. "It's different with them. They stopped when I told them to, and they knew what they did wrong in no time at all." Their nose scrunches up and their frown turns to a scowl, displaying their anger by the double. "Jerry barely even listened to you the first few times. And... And even now he's still not listening!" They hiccup, body trembling as tears gather in their eyes. "T- Toriel gave me a place to stay after I ran away, Papyrus was nice to me all along, an- and Alphys tried to help me... even if she wasn't too good at it."

"And what about Undyne? She attacked you right from the start, didn't she?" you comment, hands on your hips. "And Sans? Didn't he threaten you once, even though you'd done no harm?" You're outright livid now, self-hatred manifesting itself when you realize how naïve you'd been.

You'd carelessly kissed the very same man who'd threatened your child.

What was different between him and your once husband?

They'd both submitted your child into danger, be it directly or not.

Why were you bothering yourself with the monsters, then?

Worse yet, why were you thinking about dating one of them?

And what was the point in all of-

"Heya."

You're interrupted by the sound of the same man's voice. Not Jerry's, but Sans's. You blink through your fury and look to his side, seeing Frisk has already run off to the back seat of the car. They're smiling again despite the tears in their eyes, and they respond with a nod when the monster asks them if they're alright. "Ren's not," they sign, attempting to be discreet, yet failing.

Reluctantly, you make it to the front passenger seat and thank the skeleton when he opens up the door for you, magic granting him the ability to do it without much movement needed on his part. "Did Frisk call you?" Your eyes refuse to stare at him, focusing instead on the bus already approaching from a few more blocks away.

"Yeah," he replies, changing the gear stick from park to drive. "Don't mean to pry, but…" He's silent for some time, car staying still. "Wanna talk about it over lunch tomorrow?"

When you try to look at him, your gaze can only focus on his face, a grim reminder of what you'd done not too long ago. If you wanted to be a responsible parent, you needed to get a hold of yourself. "...Sure." You relax your posture while he begins the drive. At a red light, you continue with, "Thank you."

Now able to face you, Sans grins and later winks, hands kept on the wheel. "Anythin' for you, (Y/N)."

You squirm at the sound of him saying your name, battling away any feelings for him.

Whether Frisk's or your own words were true, you still had to be strong, both for their sake and yours.

End of Arc 1 | Ruins

Start of Arc 2 | Enemy Approaching

“It is necessary that the weakness of the powerless is transformed into a force capable of announcing justice. For this to happen, a total denouncement of fatalism is necessary. We are transformative beings and not beings for accommodation.”

– Paulo Freire, Pedagogia do Oprimido

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

• • •

Jesucristo, this is only the 1st arc, and yet we're already at 200+ pages!

I hardly have enough motivation to read a book with more than 500 pages or watch a series with more than 5 seasons or 30 episodes, so I commend anyone who sticks with this story until the very end. Ironic how I can write a Bible's worth of fanfiction, but not read or watch the same amount in books and series, ain't it? My attention span is miniscule for anything besides my holy trinity: college, tutoring, and writing, so let's blame it on that, shall we?

Anyway, here's an overview of all the arcs for those who haven't seen it on the updated description:

Arc 1 | Ruins

Chapters 1 to 15 (Complete!!) | Exposition (The fact that 200+ pages were exposition, lmao.)

Arc 2 | Enemy Approaching

Chapters 16 to 25 (Already written -- Only need to edit according to the changes made for this rewrite!) | Rising Action

Arc 3 | Pathetic House

Chapters 26 to 30 | Climax

Arc 4 | Spear of Justice

Chapters 31 to 40 | Falling Action

Arc 5 | Here We Are

Chapters 41 to 50 | Resolution, Part 1

Arc 5.5/Final Arc | Good Night

Chapters 51 to 55 | Resolution, Part 2

Goal: NOT EXCEED 1,000 PAGES. DEAR LORD.

Actual Goal: Write up a sweet, feel-good story for as much people as possible to enjoy, plus a late n' trashy love letter to Undertale.

As always, take care and stay safe, y'all. <3

• • •

Tag List (Comment or message me if you want to be added to [or removed from] it!)

@the-simp-express

@nektotersh

@disastrous-l0vebug

@therealchickenjoe

@mintyflakes025

@pandaquick

@timelock97

@candle-creeps

@paperb9gs

[razzleberryjam]

Why its not appropriate to teach children about the lgbt community in school:

The only time children Learn about heterosexual relationships is sex Ed. Teaching children about gay people like you teach 8th graders sex Ed is weird and wrong. It creates this otherness of lgbt. We are not just normal mommies and daddies and aunts and uncles from story time, we are a lesson, we are amorphous people who do strange things and have to be taught about like we aren't possibly sitting in the room. You trans/nb folks should know, no one ever had to tell you that you could be something else, we all had those moments, in our very young ages, where we thought to ourselves "could it be possible?" And the problem wasn't that we never learned that it was, the problem was that we were told explicitly it wasn't.

Children do not need to be educated about lgbt people as if we were fantastic dinosaurs. Lgbt people simply need to be acknowledged and normalized in the environment that the child grows up in. You never need to tell your 5 year old "you can like boys or girls if you want" they will know who they like, and all you need to do is not be dismissive of their true self. If you want to introduce them to concepts, its as easy as getting on the floor and playing with them. When my sister was 5, we were playing with littlest petshop, and I had a pink raccoon and a purple ferret go on a date and she was like "they can't go on a date they're both girls" and I was like "why can't two girls go on a date?" And she was like "girls are supposed to like boys" and im just like "nuh-uh. Anybody can like whoever they like, and Rita raccoon is in LOVE with her wife Fiona Ferret and they've been married 12 years, and they're on an anniversary date at the coffee shop where they first met" and my sister was like "🥺 awww okay, I like them"

And when I told my sister that I was nb, she said "what does that mean" and I said it means "im a boy and a girl at the same time" she said "🤔 you mean half boy and half girl?" And I was like "no 100% boy and 100% girl at the same time" and she's like "😲 oh so ur a boy and a girl!" And im like "yeah" and she's like "what do I call u" and u told her my name which she told me she doesn't like lmfao and then I told her idc about she her or whatever lol

But like the point is; lgbt people shouldn't be a lesson plan. No one ever sits kids down and explains what being straight or feeling romantic attraction is like? Just normalize lgbt people in the environment for your children, in play - like with lgbt characters who are just going about their normal life - find media that's wholesome and has good lgbt rep, like blues clues, etc. Like reading your kid a bedtime story when they're 3 about a girl who won't brush her teeth and how her mommies have to try everything to get her to brush is going to be way healthier of an intro to lgbt as well as normalize it, versus waiting until they have a lesson in gradeschool where the curriculum is written by adults trying to dumb down the concepts of lgbt stuff in a way that is already written in antithesis to preconceived notions of gay people.

Tl;dr

Stop teaching kids "not to hate gay people" and just never teach them to hate gay people, and like normalize gay people

[homoaquaticus]

rewatching the southern raiders really brings up why avatar works as well as it does

whenever people watch avatar for the first time, it seems like generally they come away with 2 feelings: 1. immensely satisfied, which makes sense, as avatar had specific story to tell, told it, and stopped when it was done

but also: 2. people often feel like it’s odd for avatar to have originally aired one nickelodeon, which is it’s own level of pretentious but bear with me, and question whether or not atla is a “kids show.” and i think that the southern raiders, despite being a “darker” episode of the show, winds up answering that question, with a resounding ‘yes’

the message of the southern raiders is not one about revenge. it’s a message about emotion. at the end of the episode after katara chooses to not take her revenge she claims that she still does not forgive yon rha, and never will. the episode does not truly ask a moral question about whether revenge is good or bad, the message of the episode simply states that sometimes, emotions are more complicated than that. sometimes, you are hurt, and you need to let yourself feel however you truly feel, even if it’s not a simple answer. and most importantly: that’s okay.

kids are not stupid. they know when they are being talked down to, and they know when they are being heard and seen. growing up is confusing, and a lot of kids, especially kids experiencing abuse, growing up lgbt+, or with distant or absent parents, grow up without help in processing these complex emotions and often turn to media to mitigate that

this is an incredibly important message to send to an audience that is beginning to learn that for the first time and is an incredible reminder to adults who need to hear it again. avatar: the last airbender is not good “despite” originally airing on nickelodeon. avatar: the last airbender knew exactly who it was being directed towards, knew exactly what kinds of messages and lessons it wanted to send its audience, and knew exactly what they needed to hear

[badwolfwrites-sometimes]

Drawn Together: Chapter 21

"You know, I was really looking forward to eating some homemade German cooking." Feliciano said. They were currently sitting in a small restaurant not far away from the house. Although Feliciano invited his grandpa to join, he stayed at the house to work through some papers, leaving Ludwig and Feliciano to enjoy stuffing themselves with food alone. "Like you making me something."

Ludwig looked at Feliciano from behind the menu he held. "I am not a good cook. That was always Gilbert's job. I only bake."

"Speaking of, where does Gilbert work? He never showed me."

"Here."

Feliciano blinked in confusion. "Here as in right here? As in this restaurant?"

"Yes. He is this restaurant's chef."

"That's amazing!"

"He is good at his job, but I am not sure if he likes it or not."

"What do you mean?"

"He gets into fights with other cooks easily."

"Oh... But it's nothing bad, right?"

"Nothing physical at least." Ludwig wanted to say more, but they were interrupted by the waiter. Feliciano stared at Ludwig, puzzled as he tried to make sense of what Ludwig was saying. He really should polish his German.

"I ordered us a Gilbert's special." Ludwig read right through Feliciano.

"I'm that obvious?" Feliciano asked, shocked but laughing.

"In a way."

They talked some more until their food arrived, a large piece of meat covered in gravy with side potatoes and sausages. Feliciano looked at Ludwig, unsure of what to name this dish. "What is this, Ludwig?"

"We call this The Gilbert's Special. It is actually Rinderroulade-," he pointed with his fork at the meat-,"with mashed potatoes and Knockwurst. It isn't a single dish, but more of a combination of dishes."

"It looks too delicious." Feliciano said before cutting up a large piece from the meat and stuffing himself with it. Ludwig watched him with amusement. "Wait, is this beef?"

"It is. Do you not like it?" Ludwig asked, cutting up his own piece.

"I love it. I haven't had proper beef like this in years."

"What do you mean by proper?"

"Not straight out of a package." Feliciano was struggling to speak and eat at the same time, devouring the meat in a matter of seconds, like it was going to grow legs and run away from his plate. "We used to eat proper meat back in Tuscany."

"Tuscany? Aren't you from Venice?" Ludwig asked, puzzled.

"I am, but my grandparents from my dad's side are from Florence. I haven't been there since Romeo was small."

"I see." Ludwig answered, continuing to eat his meal.

Feliciano and Ludwig shared a few small words here and there as they ate, mostly preferring to stay in each other's silence. They were, of course, unaware of Gilbert who was sneaking glances at them from the kitchen and giggling.

"I'm so full... Ludwig, can we cancel everything for today?" Feliciano asked when he was finished, sprawled on the chair like a shirt worn once.

"Only if you plan on exercising double the usual amount tomorrow." Ludwig answered, faint smirk visible on his face.

Feliciano's eyes widened before he stood up, too sudden for his brain as he had to sit down immediately from the dizziness. Ludwig offered him a glass of water. "I was joking, are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I am. This happens sometimes." Feliciano laughed awkwardly, massaging the back and sides of his head until the pain passed. When it did, he stood up again, slowly this time. "Should we split the bill?"

"No, I will pay."

"Oh absolutely not. I won't have you paying for my meal as well. No!"

"Feliciano, you are a guest at my house. I can pay our food."

"Over my dead body will you be the only one paying!"

As they argued, they failed to notice Gilbert approaching them, trying his hardest not to laugh at the exchange. Only when he coughed to get their attention did they notice him. "Children, it's all on me and already paid. Now get out." He said before walking back to the kitchen, allowing neither of them to protest.

"So it isn't okay if I offer to pay, but if Gilbert does, it is alright?" Ludwig asked as they walked out.

"Well, he didn't let me argue with him. I'll pay him back when we get home." Feliciano answered.

"I doubt he will accept it."

"I'll make him accept it. I can be very convincing when I want to be."

"I would like to see you try."

Feliciano suddenly got serious as he stared Ludwig right in his blue eyes. He noted Ludwig's eyes looked the best when it was cloudy outside, bringing the bright blue sky in the dark moments.

Normally, Ludwig would start to grow anxious about being stared at so hard by someone. But this wasn't just 'someone', this is Feliciano. He didn't know why but the way Feliciano's irises would soften and expand when he looked at him, eased Ludwig's mind. He could look at Feliciano all day.

"I'm gay." Feliciano finally spoke, dead serious look on his face.

Ludwig blinked in confusion. That came out of nowhere. "What?" He asked.

"I'm gay." Feliciano repeated himself.

It didn't shock Ludwig any less, but... "That was a bit sudden, but I respect you. Thank you for telling me." He managed out. Ludwig really did respect Feliciano, even if his assumption of Feliciano's sexuality was incorrect. As long as they are friends, Ludwig could care less who Feliciano loved.

That's what he was telling himself at least, but deep down, he did care. They were already separated enough by their countries, Ludwig didn't need another person waltzing into Feliciano's life and stealing him away. Even if he knew Feliciano would make time for him when time itself was scarce.

Feliciano smirked at him, turning his head away so Ludwig could be left longing for his calming eyes. "See, you believed me?" He said.

What?

"I don't understand." Ludwig raised his hand as if he was asking the teacher to explain something.

"I told you I'm very convincing. I'm not actually gay, Ludwig."

Ludwig was once again left confused. What just happened?

"Well, I don't have anything against gay people and I don't think dating men would be too bad. Maybe it would in Italy, but my brother is more of an expert on that field. I don't think it matters what's between your legs or what you identify as, as long as you love each other-" Feliciano rambled on, Ludwig half listening, half tuning out.

"So you said you were gay just to prove your point to me? Is that correct?" Ludwig asked.

Feliciano stopped his rambling, nodding. "Yeah."

Ludwig sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Feliciano, I am not all too familiar with LGBT+ issues and jokes, but that was a bad one. Coming out to someone and then saying you were kidding is making fun of their struggles."

Feliciano paused, his brain remembering what happened during that dinner a couple of months ago with their grandpa. In his attempts to prove something to Ludwig, he hurt his own brother, without either of them even knowing it. "Oh." Was all he could manage.

They walked to the park in silence, Feliciano still thinking about what Ludwig said. When they sat in front of a pond to watch ducks, he finally spoke. "Thank you."

"Hm?" Ludwig questioned.

"If you hadn't told me it was bad, I would have probably continued to use that as a joke. You aren't exactly taught this in Italy, where being gay is an insult on its own."

"I can't speak for them, I just know that coming out is very important to them. For that reason, I believe, we should all respect it."

"I never understood it really well. I would just read Tumblr posts about it, but the ones I found were always vague for me."

"From what I know, it is having a secret you can barely tell yourself and sharing it with your family or the world."

"Like being sad when you're smiling and everyone thinks you're happy and you should be happy, but you aren't?"

"That sounds... close." Now Ludwig was worried about Feliciano.

"I've been there." Now Ludwig was very worried about Feliciano.

"Are you alright?" Ludwig asked.

Feliciano smiled. "Yeah. I learned something new today. Learning new things makes me happy."

Ludwig sighed in relief, turning his eyes back to the ducks in front of them.

"And being here, in Germany, with you. It makes me so happy, I could fly."

Ludwig smiled. It made sense for Feliciano to say something like that.

The two of them sat in front of the pond for what felt like hours, talking and commenting ducks. Feliciano occasionally mentioned pigeons to get a laugh out of Ludwig, who never forgot how his drunk brother screamed he was a pigeon for days after the conversation with Feliciano. When they were ready to go home, Feliciano felt something soft rub at the side of his leg. Turning around, he noticed a black cat nuzzling up to him. It was dark, but Feliciano could still see those beautiful, piercing blue eyes staring at him. He let his hand move on its own as he pet the cat, who moved its head into Feliciano's hand. It was a perfect fit and Feliciano was instantly in love.

But it was time to go, so he couldn't pet it longer. And it broke Feliciano's heart really bad. He bid the cat farewell and left with Ludwig. But the cat had other plans, following both of them home. Feliciano wasn't the only one who was in love.

"Ludwig, look at it!" Feliciano squeeled when they arrived home and the cat was right behind them.

"It seems to really like you, Feliciano." Ludwig smiled.

"Ah, I wish I could keep you." Feliciano pet the cat once again, motioning for Ludwig to join in. It didn't seem to like Ludwig as much as Feliciano, but it gladly accepted pets.

"If my dogs get along with it, maybe it could stay here. It looks like a mouser cat, we could use one here."

"There's a lot of mice?"

"They sometimes run around and my dogs are scared of them. Gilbert wanted to suggest we get a snake, but they are scared of them too."

"I'm scared of snakes too, I completely understand." Feliciano shivered at the thought. "Can you go get the doggies so we can see if they like it?"

"You are that intent on keeping this cat? Alright, I will be back soon." Ludwig said, standing up and unlocking the door to the house. Immediately, three dogs raced out of the house and almost tackled Ludwig down. He gave each of them their hello kisses and some dog treats he keeps in his pocket, just in case there is a cute dog outside.

Feliciano picked the cat up, it was really obedient as long as Feliciano kept petting it, and walked to the mess of fur and Ludwig. "Hello!" He greeted the dogs, who went to licking his free hand as a greeting. "We brought a friend with us. Please get along well, pretty please."

The dogs sniffed around the cat as Feliciano placed it down. Neither the cat nor the dogs seemed to mind each other that much, to dogs, it was a new playmate and to the cat, it was a new family. Feliciano was overjoyed and, seeing him like that, Ludwig was too.

"All of you need a bath, though." Feliciano commented as he went to pet Aster, before Berlitz protested and jumped into Feliciano's lap for hugs and pets.

To Ludwig's surprise, the cat, it was actually deep gray and male, was much easier to wash than his dogs. Even Feliciano, who was washing Berlitz and Blackie, seemed surprised by that. His cats would rather die than be touched by water and shampoo, this one was very calm and serious. It reminded Feliciano of Ludwig. "Germouser." He said.

"Hm?" Ludwig asked, rinsing the cat out.

"You said he was a mouser cat. And seeing he's from Germany, his name will be Germouser." Feliciano explained. "Do you like it?" He asked the cat.

The cat meowed at him and Feliciano all but melted right then and there.

By the time Gilbert arrived home from work, the six of them were cuddling on the couch, watching some movies on the TV. Berlitz and Germouser were glued to Feliciano while Ludwig took Blackie and Aster to himself. Gilbert was about to protest having a cat in the house, but the look of happiness on Feliciano's face silenced him. "Just don't let it eat Gilbird." Was all he said before going to his room and passing out.

"Berlitz doesn't usually like new people." Ludwig said at one point.

"Really? He's very cuddly with me." Feliciano asked, petting the sleeping dog's head.

"Yes, he is very shy. Before he came to us, he was in an abusive household and it took him 5 months to warm up to us. And he was still a puppy back then."

Feliciano felt his heart break at the poor dog's past, hoping that whoever abused this lovely dog got what they deserved. "You poor baby. How dare anyone do that to you?"

"Apparently, she got a life sentence in jail. Not only did she abuse animals but she also killed her ex husband for talking to the cashier lady, I believe. It was in newspaper a couple of years ago."

"I hate women like that. If you're certain he loves you, if you married him because you know he loves you, then acting jealous like that is just irrational."

"It is all in the past now, but Berlitz is still recovering. I am glad he gets along with you so well."

Feliciano smiled, his previous anger at the unknown abuser woman now gone. "This is the first time in a while. I'm not much of a dog person."

Ludwig's face fell, but not enough for Feliciano to notice. "You aren't?"

"I was in the past, but not so much since then."

"I see." It still wasn't enough to cheer Ludwig up.

"I had this dog, well, he was actually my grandma's dog and she would bring him when she came for a visit." Feliciano looked at the TV and, for the first time, Ludwig saw distance in his eyes. "I have so many good memories of him. He was a friend unlike any other, better than anyone ever was to me."

Feliciano looked back at Ludwig, but the distance never went away. It was only clouded by glossy glass. Feliciano looked ready to cry. "You kinda remind me of him. The way you follow me into my dumb ideas, even if you know they are going to fail. And you stay."

Feliciano swallowed whatever saliva he had in this mouth and turned his head away. "He was like that and we played all the time, but then... then..." At this point, Feliciano couldn't choke back the tears. He hadn't thought about his friend in years, even if he was always in his heart, and telling Ludwig about him opened up old wounds.

He felt Ludwig wrap his arm around his shoulder, bringing him closer into a hug. "I got you, Feliciano. You don't have to tell me the rest."

Feliciano cried into Ludwig's shoulder for a couple of minutes, telling him how his grandma wrote to him how his dog got eaten by a wolf, even if that was probably untrue. Ludwig said nothing the entire time, knowing how hard it is to lose such a precious friend. It probably hurt Feliciano enough for him to distance himself from dogs. Ludwig understood it all.

"What was his name?" Ludwig simply asked.

"Tsuki." Feliciano managed through tears and sobs.

"Like the Moon." Ludwig said.

"What?"

"Tsuki is a Japanese word for Moon."

Feliciano laughed. How ironic. "I don't know what species he was but he was white and had large black dots on his body. There was one that went from his ear to his eye so I guess he kind of looked like the Moon."

"He sounds adorable, I wish I could see him."

"I have a framed picture at home with us. For my 4th birthday, my grandma brought him and me and Lovi dressed him up in Romeo's clothes. He looked so cute and funny." It seemed like Feliciano stopped crying.

"You have to show it to me when you get home."

"I will. I'll show you all of the pictures with us, but I have to warn you, I was a really cute kid. So don't go falling in love with me because that would be illegal."

Ludwig laughed and Feliciano joined in, waking up the dogs who moved to their beds and the sofa to sleep, taking their new friend along as well. "We should go to bed as well. Tomorrow, I won't be back until 8 p.m." Ludwig said.

"Oh." Feliciano's face fell. "Right, you have work."

"Yes, but we can have fun after that. Just promise me you won't skip your training tomorrow."

"I'll sleep the day off until your return, Captain." Feliciano saluted to Ludwig, with his left hand.

"I will let Gilbert know then." Ludwig said. "And you salute with your right." Feliciano quickly corrected himself.

"Can I at least sleep with you tonight?"

Ludwig was about to decline, knowing he probably won't get enough sleep for the day ahead of him if Feliciano 'slept' next to him, but seeing how Feliciano just finished crying, he couldn't refuse. Feliciano probably needed it too. "Alright."

"Yes!" Feliciano leaned in to kiss Ludwig's cheek, a thing Ludwig would have to get used to. "Thank you! Let's go then."

They turned off all the lights and the TV and, unlike the previous nights when he would sneak in to sleep with Ludwig, Feliciano didn't go to the guest room at all. Instead, he made himself comfortable next to Ludwig, even if it was a single bed and not his double sized one. "Ludwig?" He called.

Of course Ludwig would get less sleep that night. "Hm?"

"I'm really glad I met you." Feliciano said, smiling before he turned around so his back faced Ludwig.

Ludwig felt his cheeks warm up, still not believing that the two of them actually met and are lying in bed together like this. He wrapped his arm around Feliciano's waist to properly tuck him in. Nights in Germany were cold and Feliciano probably isn't used to that. That's what he told himself to justify his action. Turning around so their backs faced each other, Ludwig whispered. "Me too, Feliciano." And just like that, the two of them drifted into the world of dreams.

[dovabunny]

"I want a world where everyone is raised bisexual" I'm not sure how much of that is a joke but it's a pretty bad take. It's bi erasure to act like bisexuality is a learned behavior that can just be taken on or off like an accessory. It's kind of homophobic as well. Imagine a world where gay kids are told their natural feelings are fine, just as long as they're still open to both sexes.

...okay lets deal with this bullshit then.

I'm bisexual myself. This isnt bi erasure and its not homophobic. Very much on the contrary.

The play of it was that we are in a world where gender, and for the most part heterosexuality, is learned behaviour. A lot of people grow up never questioning their sexuality, which is also why so many people only realise they aren't as straight as their parents hope they'd be only when they leave the house. I know of so many who only realised they were LGBT+ in college where they started to really question their sexuality. Myself included.

It was a satirical joke, to imagine a world where the base learned behaviour is bisexuality instead of heterosexuality. In other words - to imagine a world where kids were raised to consider anyone as a potential partner no matter the gender and where a hetero preference is shameful, which is the inverse of the hetero-normative upbringing most kids have.

The very idea behind it is that controlling and enforcing sexuality through learning is as ridiculous as it is, unfortunately, reality for the majority.

[dulcetminds]

some (concept) playlists

find my spotify here ✨ & my fandom character/ship playlists

this page is updated monthly!!!!

💫 monthly, yearly & get to know me playlists:

 monthly mixtape: updated daily and refreshed every month with no correlation to anything what so ever.

twentytwenty: a song for each day of the year

the soundtrack to my life

my favourites

pass the aux cord, fool: car vibes

🍾🌉 playlists based off cliché concepts:

coming of age indie romcom soundtrack: cigeratte burns on film, a first kiss that tastes like beer and chapstick, and laughter falling on train tracks

not another coming of age soundtrack: red party cups and the never-ending feeling of nostalgia

Mother Nature reclaims: a soft apocalypse mix

tragedy in the dark: set in the 90's, you're driving at night on the highway, passing under street signs and street lights that illuminate your lovers tired face as they trace circles on your thigh

rise up!: (a futuristic teenage rebellion playlist) you live in a world full of holograms and plastic food, the government is corrupt and somewhere out there is a bunch of rebels that are fighting back

an angels kiss in spring: it’s the roaring 40′s and you hit the town in bold red lipstick, curled hair, flared dresses & traditional swing

a wispy field of sunshine: there's something alluring about falling in love under the sun, sipping on raspberry lemonade & kissing someone who tastes like chapstick

the air is fresh out here: i am lost beneath the earth; dirt and moss fill my lungs and i cough up ivy and rose petals as the trees whisper my name so soft, it gets caught in the wing of a butterfly floating by

3am dancing with my lover: fairylights are hung low around the kitchen, my lover has tired eyes full of wonder and we trip over our own two feet, laughter pumping our hearts alive

the last dancers at midnight: my prom could have been better so we're gonna visualise it like a teen romance movie; tired feet, starry eyes & a tender kiss under the disco ball in your high-schools' hall

even my phone misses your call: 'hey, this is [redacted] please leave your message after the beep!' 

you’re so nice to come home to: finally moving into a small apartment with your lover; succulents adorn the windowsills and you both have a love for vintage polaroids and dream catchers — a dreamers dream

I've been in love with you forever: best friends that live next door to each other & know one another like the back of their hand, connected windows, rooftop talks, sleepovers, & everything that comes along with we're best friends & i don't want that to change but i am definitely in love with you

found you in this life: my mother once told me that some of the people we meet in this life, we knew in a past life and it’s up to us to decide where it goes from here

raspberry stains: spring flings includes squashing raspberries between finger & thumb, and dancing under the sun

rollerskating disco rink fever: we're twelve years young & there's a disco ball highlighting our hair as we dance the night away & i'm pretty sure we've happened to scuff the linoleum floor

endless summer afternoon: hopping from shadow to shadow, blisters on our feet; summer, summer, summer!

summer ate me alive: and I want nothing more than to sleep through the next three seasons

ragtag band of misfits from the year ‘87: group of four trying to solve the murder mystery of their late best friend / everyone’s hiding something / he might be in love with the boy he’s known since childhood

[our hands are brushing against each other as we walk]: i want to slow dance with you in the middle of the street

hey, new kid!: its highschool and life is full of rumours and giggling girls & boys with sharp teeth and then english class rolls around ━━ and did the principal just introduce a new student?

🧚🏻‍♀️ specific concept playlists (mostly based on moments and emotions that I've experienced & can’t get over):

head’s a buzz!: stoned out of my mind, I'm pretty sure I met the girl of my dreams last night

 I should be sleeping: but i am walking aimlessly under street lights trying to forget your face, your taste, your voice; with vodka stained cheeks and chipped nail polish

pity party for two: the sudden realisation that the future is scary and we're two lost souls stuck in love with people who helped us grow

we’re under the same stars: It’s talking under the stars till the sun breaks through the trees with him, who makes your stomach ache full of laughter and although the wind is cold against your skin and the sleeping bag is thin, he burns just as brightly as the stars in the night sky, and you want to exist between 3 and 4am forever.

I fell in love for one night: he kissed my shoulder & held me tight

moments left unsaid: I love every part of you when it’s loud, when it’s silent, when you don’t know it at all (basically falling in love with your friends in the moment over the smallest of things like the way they dip their head back to laugh or hide their smile behind their hand or when they slow down waiting for you to catch up or pull you aside to ask if you’re doing okay, etc)

angel in disguise: can angels fall in love?

skate park shenanigans: I spent a the hours 8-11pm at a skatepark with my friends and we don’t even skate but this is the specific energy those hours gave off

you’re dreaming beside me: & I’m dreaming of you

how to be soft, sad & content at 4pm

I wish we could live forever: knowing someone you love is gonna die is the one of the hardest things you’re ever gonna witness

remember when we were in love?: 2015: yellow. open roads. a boy. a girl. my house. high school musical. clouds. stars. a pillow. sunflowers. beauty and the beast. skype calls. a bear. / 2017: a girl. blue, blue, blue. / 2019: a girl. a boy. picnics. skateboards. burgers. your house. an empty promise.

the pretty reckless: my friends fall in love too easily

the ceiling is staring back at me: it’s 1am and I'm thinking about everything and anything

me against the world, vol. 1

me & my apathetic brain: basically Russian roulette with I’ll die anyway by girl in red & just a girl by no doubt

🏳️‍🌈🌈 lgbt+ playlists:

this is for the gays!: for pride month 2019, gay bops to rock your socks to

all I see is her: girls r great!

we should fall in love or something: just kidding... haha... unless?

I don’t wanna b ur friend, I wanna kiss ur neck: yeah, it’s based off I wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red & also my ex but we’re gonna take the former

please look at me the same!: my bisexual teen angst

���🏹 ‘old groovy, 70′s, 80′s, 90′s etc music’ playlists:

butterfly dust: old time music that goes together

groovy, groovy: 70′s, 80′s, 90′s

lovestrucklovestruck: nothing goes wrong when you live in your head

she’s gold dipped & cherry wine kisses

funky glow

🥁🍒 genre specific playlists:

metamorphic: rock n roll

devils advocate: it’s like white noise before you enter hell (mostly ghostemane)

you’re not indie till: you skate, own a pair of hot converses, have good fashion taste, drink ice coffee and and and

monsters live amongst us: hiding in plain sight, the people we call our friends / a horror pop playlist

hazy affection: anxiety reducing songs and study beats

softly, sweetly: relax your eyes & dream of simpler times

bubblegum pop: the radio is overrated but here we are

glazed eyes, cherry skies

darkness looms overhead

magic under fingernails / under veins

state of mind: kinda like rap but not, definitely an easy listen to while stoned

moon rockets: fly me to outer space where we’ll become another star in the night sky.

dream & folk pop

my dreams reach the stars: my mind is far away from here / starry-eyed and captivated

local neighbourhood party: songs I'd bang my head to at a party

heavenly hymns

fluorescent heartbeats

take me away, into the night

if you see me listening to this, look away: literally Disney musicals mainly Disney’s descendants & zombies

autumnal breeze: a mix of bedroom pop & 80′s tunes

blueberry feelings: is this soundlcoud or tiktok?

untamed glory: the songs dont vibe together as well as they should but i guess thats ironic given the name of this mixtape

all strung up: my favourite female pop songs & then there's sunflower, vol. 6 by harry styles

candyfloss kisses: baby pop

and that’s on tiktok luv: literally what it says

candle lit afternoons: candles + rain = a gentle quiet in it’s purest form

tenderness: soft, quiet, yielding; murmurs at dusk & the playing of hair

my bed is the warmest place: for rainy days & the chill in your nose

🚀🍁🍓 playlists to listen to when your doing this specific thing:

classic picnic bitch: (cute songs that give me picnic vibes) and we bond over a pack of UNO cards and strawberry-filled desserts

beach bums, baby!: a beach-y playlist

hotboxing ur friends car: get high w/ me!

🥺💫🌞🌻🤩🐝 playlists to grow & fall in love with yourself to:

falling in love w/ myself !!!!!: I'm still learning how I work

then I defy you, stars!

seventeen: I made this when I was seventeen and getting over my first heartbreak and realising that I should never wait for people who can only give half back

no negative vibes here!

💌💖 my romance / love centred playlists:

dancing in my room to the sound of you, you, you (middle school crush vibes)

love cluster: and i guess there are lot of love songs out there but there are also a lot of songs that aren't about love that got me feeling like i'm in love so which is it

lovelorn: (a unrequited love playlist) and we yearn for the hearts we cannot hold; lovelorn, lovelorn, lovelorn

our love has gone cold: I love & I loved

whimsical lovers falling out of love

baby boy blues: fell in love for a day with a boy whose smile is contagious and ever-lasting

you gave me panic attacks & I called it love: unsure if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? leave them.

regret in the simplest of forms: I could have loved you / I think a small part of me did

my favourite ‘what if’: soulmates who weren’t meant to be

seeking love among cruel hearts: perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. but then perhaps this is what lovers are.

it’s a long way down from your window: everyone’s favourite secret relationship trope

heartbreak hotel

i’m yearning for his heart while he gives me his body: I love you, don’t you love me too?

make out w/ me?: songs I'd kill to make out with someone too

miss you forever: sad pop love letter

I liked you better in my dreams: the idea of them has taken root in your mind and it’s much different to how they really are

little bit in love with u: alterous attraction? we KNOW her

drowsy cacophony of love

tracing you back to the roots of my house: I'm sifting through the memories of us, where did we go wrong?

love; a choice or a feeling?: and it is both I suppose, it is a feeling, it’s happiness and soft giggles, faint blush. and then it is a choice, a choice to stay with them or leave. it is a choice to not only love them, but yourself too.

tenderly, tragically: this used to be a collab playlist with someone who loved me fully and unconditionally, things have changed since, but this is whats left; it's our story compiled into a playlist

second chance at love: you make me hard, but she makes me weak

lonely in love: (it was supposed to be just casual sex but fuck, I think I'm in love with you)

silent lovers: skinny love (n.) a type of love where two people are in love with each other but are too shy to admit it

my first love: they say your first love never dies, and love, they’re right

my lover is a liar: victim to broken promises and false truths by a boy who died when he gave me his heart

love locket type of love: I loved you in secret !!

the charms of love: don’t fall in love with the moment & think your in love with the girl! (yes, she’s american by the 1975 lyrics)

almost lovers

💸💄💅🏻⛓ playlists that give off bad bitch energy:

rich girl$: my cash flow will never ever end

kiss the boys n make em die!: femme fatale, girl revolution, girl power

GIRLS. FOOD. GEAR: loosely inspired by people by the 1975

girl, interrupted

you’re like a rhinestone pick-up line: picture this — a girl with a hard attitude that you can’t just seem to get off your mind

back on my bullshit: just got my heartbroken; revamped!

👻👽 my halloween inspired playlists:

hallohalloween: basic halloween playlist

 the fae know my name: humans beware the manic pixies & lip curling fae for although they don't lie they are cunning creatures with kind eyes!

frothy vampire chick meets soft green witch: red fanged lover & a green house full of potions, spells & succulents

sirens lament: sharp teeth hidden under a pretty face

murder at the casino: (in breaking news: monster hunters just cant seem to catch a break!)

the howling

witchy renaissance

fuckin vampires, man!

🥀 if I were series (playlists that only feature one artist based off something specific):

if I were to dance in a faerie ring to hozier songs: maybe I want to fall in love with a faerie and be under Hozier’s rule

if I were to live my teenage years to Lorde songs

if I were to get high by the beach to skeggs songs: BIG greening out energy

 if I were to fall in love to tom rosenthal songs: tom rosenthal songs that make me feel like I'm in love!!

if I were to reminisce about heartbreak to LANY songs:

Hogwarts Houses:

🌻 Hufflepuff

🥊 Gryffindor

🐍 Slytherin

📘 Ravenclaw