#is actually a very like important disorder thats probably important for me to know about asdfghjk but don't worry its Fine

[fabdante]

Any headcanons for reboot Dante and medical trauma?

Side note: Considering Vergil got adopted by a rich family and presumably had regular doctor's visits and such, presumably Nephilim blood + DNA and such doesn't look any different than regular human DNA. Which... feels like it should be wrong, since Nephilim aren't human, so there's gotta be some differences there somewhere, right? Maybe it just looked normal because of whatever spell Sparda (and maybe Eva?) put on the twins?

I always figured based on that one line from Vergil about meningitis being a human sickness and thus, Dante can't catch it, that both of the twins just don't really get sick or have any medical issues. So due to that and Dante's slew of bad foster homes, that he probably just like...never went to the doctor.

I do however think that once he got in the Order, the medical division there probably ran some tests on him at Vergils behest. I'm sure the details they were given were slim and they'd probably run the same tests on Vergil before, but Vergil probably wanted something to compare to. Dante is cooperative, but talks and moves too much which is annoying when you're trying to draw blood (he talks with his hands and likes to touch things).

As for Vergil, I similarly don't think he ever got sick so only ever really went to the doctor for check ups. I guess I maybe based this on my own experiences but I never really got blood draws as a kid until they started testing me for anemia and thalassemia (anemia but worse if you have the major strain and Mediterranean). Which maybe was a result of my deathly fear of needles up until I started getting like frequent blood tests? But idk regardless it sort of led me to assume that Vergil, being the picture of health to his pediatrician, never got his blood drawn asdfghjk

The idea though that he's just got his former pediatrician out there wondering what the fuck was up with that kids blood is very funny to me. Like, I just figured all Sparda did was wipe the kids memories so any difference in their blood would be noticeable still for medical professionals. So this guy can see somethings up but is not equipped to figure out what and the kid seems fine so asdfghj let him be.

That said, and regardless of how aware he is that he is immune to human germs, I also headcanon Vergil to be a germaphobe and a hypochondriac (he has a vibe also as a fandom we all seemed to have taken in the fanon that he just never takes off the gloves and this all just rolled with it dfghjkl). He's probably always hated doctors offices and made a fuss about being there and did not trust the needles for his booster shots. Once he figured out he didn't need to go, he definitely stopped going asdfghjk. The idea of someone who is immune to all illness and disease who is incredibly afraid of it anyway is very silly and fun to me, love that about him.

[miiilowo]

i feel like theres not a lot of great resources out there so i figured id just ask -- how would you recommend ways of living with/helping out someone else with npd? :)

youre right! most of the time when u look up NPD stuff its "THE ABUSER DISORDER: KNOW HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT AND DISABLE NARC DEFENSES SO THEY CANT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU" which isnt. Great

all it really comes down to is listening to them n addressing their needs if they've communicated them to you. ill try to simplify it so i dont get too into details, though i will likely fail, and most of this advice will be based off my experiences, so idk how much itll apply to whoever ur talking about BUT:

generally (and w me especially) you can safely say that NPD mostly has to do with ego dysregulation. Our [as in myself and people w npd] mental health and general happiness tends to rely on how people perceive us, and if that perception is anything but positive, we feel like poopy doo doo dogshit. we kinda need to be paid attention to in a way that feels meaningful, yknow? compliment them, make sure theyre included in conversations (esp group ones), and try not to ignore em in any way. if youre talking to them and youre busy, for example, make sure you include that detail so they don't feel like youre brushing them aside. stuff like that. if they make art, and you genuinely like it, try going into detail as to why, whether its the colors or linework or what have you. if they write, tell them what you liked about the story or poem, etcetera. Tag them in stuff that reminds you of them if you have their socials, or send them things, show it to them, whatever.

lots of us tend to actually be very insecure, even if it doesn't seem that way, which might be important to keep in mind. sometimes we can get whats referred to as "narc crashes" (im not particularly a fan of the term narc, though theres nothing actually wrong with it, so ill just call it an NPD crash) where for whatever reason, we go from feeling great and secure in our egos and our stability and happiness and security to falling 600 feet down directly into hell no recovery absolutely awful 0% joy 0% light 100% agony. dogs with human teeth screaming at you and shit its really just no good. calling you a dunderhead

they usually (though not always!) come after a high where we feel fantastic, and most commonly the cause of a crash is we get hurt by someone, humiliated, or made to feel lesser in some significant way. for me, they're the worst when i no longer feel confident that people like me, and i become incredibly worried everybody secretly hates me. which is a very very very awful train of thought to be experiencing when you have the "EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LIKE ME NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" disorder. so if ur friend seems depressed or upset make sure to ask whats going on and bump up the praise and stuff up a notch. its the best way to recover for Me, at least. crashes dont have a consistent like. timeframe? i think it highly depends on the severity of what happened and whats being done to fix it, though im certainly no psychologist lmao

i feel like when folks w npd Are mean or unfair its because their needs arent being met, theyre doing awful, and they need support so they dont desperately lash out for it. god knows thats the case for me. thats another thing thats important to keep in mind i think

a lot of traits of NPD aren't pretty, and thats just a fact of the matter. its a disorder for a reason and all. even if we dont express the almost inherently negative traits all the time (usually because we are aware they are unfair to other people), its very likely that we are feeling them, and it does erode your brain after a while. The DSM-5 list of traits is probably the best way to go for this, as per this government website:

"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and with lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by at least five of the following:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.

Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).[milo note: its hard for me to find something specific to make bold in this definition, but generally, i do not express that i think that i am better than other people even if i think it]

Requires excessive admiration.

Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations.

Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes."

Ive bolded the ones that would negatively affect people that, I, at least, try not to express but still feel, or feel the desire to do, near constantly.

As you can see, thats a pretty hefty chunk of them! I'm sure some people could take problem with every trait listed here, in which case they can suck my whole dick, but those are the ones I've noticed upset people the most, or make relationships the most difficult. I bring these up because if someone does express these, you need to keep in mind it is because of a personality disorder. That doesn't always make them acceptable, and if they are really upsetting, you should talk to them about it, but thats just like. basic relationship shit lmao. just try to be an eensy bit forgiving

Though the MAIN reason I wanted to bring up the traits is due to the 'entitlement/unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment/compliance' one. This can manifest in a whole lot of ways, but it is genuinely infuriating when someone ignores what i want them to do/what ive asked them to do/etc, especially if its for a reason that doesnt 'feel' solid enough, like them just not wanting to do it. it can be incredibly frustrating if someone with npd says they need something from you or want you to do xyz and it doesnt happen, so try your best to listen to them. if you cant do what they desire for whatever reason, make sure thats clear, and why. Most of us will recognize we're being unfair, but will still be mad; Just know its not because of you, its because of the disorder, and most people will not hold it against you because they're aware its unreasonable in some fashion.

i think thats like. the main things when it comes to meeting the needs of someone w NPD. to summarize and dumb it down:

make sure to compliment them in meaningful ways, especially when you really mean it

pay attention to them; try to prioritize them in conversation and such. it feels very nice. dont ignore them for the love of god

keep the crashes in mind, and try to uplift your friend as much as you can. reassure them you care about them, maybe not directly by saying "i care about you" but with your actions in general

listen to them and adapt to their needs as best as you can

remember that if they are being unpleasant its probably because of The Disorder and they are not doing well. dont let anyone be a prick to you but try to be kind. everybody goes through shit

if anyone has anything to add, or if you have any followup questions, feel free to ask ^_^ i very much didn't cover everything here, and again, this is mostly based off of my experience as someone w NPD, and everyone is different to some degree. The most important thing to do is ask about their needs, and try to adapt to them the best you can.

i think thats all i have to say for now tho so. sayanora. if i come up w anything else ill add it in an edit

[system-of-a-feather]

Man finally got around to watching the "Mr. Monk's Last Case" that I've been meaning to watch since it came out and I always forget just how relatable Monk is to me and how it really just hits home a bit too much how Monk lives and views himself

Like I'm sure a lot of people read the show like its a "haha OCD so funny" gag and I know some people get really mad because "OCD is treated like the butt end of the joke and no one with OCD is actually like that" but it really never felt that way to me as someone who has OCD - particularly because I cope with it the same way.

I totally understand the people that do not relate to it, OCD has a wide way of presentation and an even wider way of coping with it and that is not taking into account co-morbidities, the one in particularly that I think is most important when judging Monk - is C-PTSD and the MAIN one, while not directly mentioned, autism.

Cause the way they DO handle Monk's mental health, both in the original series (which I've watched at least 5 times over in my life) and the newest movie, while silly and haha at times, has always been so realistically done to me that it unironically is the only show or series or movie or game that had nearly made me physically cry because when it DOES get real into Monk's mental health, it gets pretty real, arguably too real.

I think if you are to talk about it as JUST OCD and treat this as "media representation of the average individual with OCD", people are right to say that its not good because I agree, Monk isn't the average individual with OCD and it does play into harmful stereotypes and generalizations of OCD. Monk is advertised as that a lot, so that advertising I disagree with. But if you actually watch the show, the show does little to hide that he has co-morbidity with PTSD / C-PTSD and while they don't outright say it, he is obviously autistic.

And as someone who's dad is has C-PTSD, Autism, and OCD and as someone who ALSO has C-PTSD, Autism, and OCD.... It's really really really fucking accurate and hits home. Something my mom, who lived with THREE people with that matching set of co-morbidities, loves and agrees is super relatable to how it was like living in our house.

And that is where it really gets me when people say "its a bad representation of OCD! OCD doesn't looks like that" cause... yeah it does, for at least three people I know with OCD. Are we a specific minority within the group of OCD? Probably, but we still have OCD.

I dunno man, episodes with Monk's mental health being talked about gets me in ways few things do and I will die on the hill that Monk's shit is very well done and accurate albeit to a specific subset of people with OCD.

And also on the point of it "being the butt of the joke"...

For me, my OCD and literally all my mental health conditions are often used as the butt end of the joke. And I'm not saying that people are wrong for being upset, but chronic mental illness symptoms after you get really used to them and adapt your life to them and just embrace your unique way of living.... it's kind of hard to not find a lot of the quirks in light humor?

Like my fiance always said it about his year with severe Chrons "at a certain point when you are in the hospital having shit come out both ends, you just have to laugh at it cause thats funny shit right there."

I don't think I would have survived recovery with any of my mental health disorders if I didn't take some of the quirks that came out of my adapted life style to be funny and love them anyways.

As long as there is a balance between "this is a serious thing that gets in the way of a persons life" which they DO do very well in Monk, I see very little issue at exploring the kinda funny things living with a chronic mental health condition does.

[malleablemusic]

when i was 13 and worked as my mother's busboy in my uncle's pizzeria, i had my first crush ever, and it was on the 16 year old dishwasher. its important to note that he did not speak any english, i was a teenage girl with severe social anxiety, and we never acknowledged each other. one week before he left (for a reason I'll never know) he spoke the only words he's ever said to me: "you look like kurt cobain." i have never ever recovered. i think i have since dealt with this trauma and am now strong enough to listen to radiohead. here’s my review of nirvana’s nevermind:

smells like teen spirit: 4.6/5 stars

incredible intro, i’ve definitely heard this before

“i feel stupid and contagious” that's the quintessential teenage experience put into words. fantastic

i like how gritty his voice gets when he yells

love when the album title is referenced in the first song. yess

in bloom: 4.4/5 stars

“nature is a whore / bruises on the fruit / tender age in bloom” beautiful imagery

the angst is so visceral and real, there's genuine anguish in his voice

i love the choice to follow “likes to shoot his gun”, with “he knows not what it means” 

cobrain is so brave to call out his fans who don’t understand the meaning of his lyrics or agree with his beliefs/opinions that he's singing about- they just hear what they want to

a little too repetitive, but it sees that is just their style

come as you are: 3.8/5 stars

what is memoria?

took a break to look up the definition: not sure what his intentions were with the word, but there could be several interpretations. 

he could be formally “recalling the arguments of a discourse” and backing himself up with the claim “i don’t own a gun”, referencing his past lyrics publicly expressing his dissent for the lack of gun control in the u.s

breed: 4.7/5 stars

banging intro

this is exactly what the inside of a 16 year old girl’s mind sounds like 

i am filled with regret that i have never listened to nirvana and that i assumed their music was not relatable to me in my youth, as screaming and dancing alone in my room to this song as a teen would have probably healed me at least a little bit

“we dont have to breed / we can plant a house / we can build a tree” the grip this line would have had on me… 

lithium: 4.6/5 stars

the growling in his voice when he sings the “yeah”s… im in love with him i think

as i was typing the last bullet he sang “im so horny / thats okay / my will is good” i had to pause and gape with my jaw on the floor for a minute while i recollected my thoughts

amazing storytelling in this song

polly: 3.5/5 stars

how does he weave full stories with such few words

just a few lines in and the man and woman’s relationship is fully fleshed out

so many ways to interpret the words, she wants a cracker could be reference to a woman with anorexia or an eating disorder, she self harms, he is suicidal (bought rope) 

territorial pissings: 4.8/5 stars

based on the title this will be very interesting

absolutely iconic intro of person speaking and spitting absolute facts

cobain continues to amaze me- “never met a wise man / if so, its a woman” i AM IN LOVE why have i never met a nirvana fan who actually displays the beliefs kurt is singing about ??

drain you: 4.9/5 stars

“i dont care what you think unless it is about me” so so real kurt. 

more male singers should be as openly horny and desperate as kurt was

“chew your meat for you / pass it back and forth / in a passionate kiss / from my mouth to yours / i like you” this is PEAK ROMANCE. PEAK

simping in this song in the hottest way possible

the gross imagery combined with his obsessive romance is delightful to listen to

lounge act: 2.7/5 stars

a little bit repetitive and im not sure i love the jealous side of kurt

doesn’t call out to me for some reason, isn’t as special as the previous tracks have felt

stay away: 4.6 stars

“rather be dead than cool!” “give an inch, take a smile” loving the backwards metaphors/lyrics

this is once again the ballad of a teenage girl, being incredibly angry and pushing those around you away

if i knew about how much id relate to nirvana id play this song on the drive home from school after being overstimulated all day

GOD IS GAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god i love this man 

on a plain: 3.7 stars

encapsulates the feel of an addict, somehow gives the feeling of a whole backstory in which there's the son of an addict mother becoming one himself 

“the finest day that i ever had / was when i learned to cry on command” brings to mind the ways addiction can turn someone into a manipulator

something in the way: 2.9/5 stars

ok r. patz batman time lets goooo

this truly encapsulated the feel of robert pattinson’s batman movie: dark, grungy, sinister

okay but honestly other than me already knowing this song from batman and having that appreciation for it, this song would fully be a skip

endless, nameless 2.8/5 stars

opens as a full 180 from the last song

i kind of like how the words sound like almost incoherent screams 

i could see why lovers of punk rock/alternative music would enjoy the second half instrumental part of this song- unfortunately i am not usually a big fan of long instrumental ends to a song, but could see how it works for the final track of the album

I actually loved this album a lot more than I expected to! i would rate it overall a 4/5.

[garpond]

i feel like i have a lot to say about ocd now that ive been working towards teaching myself ERP for the better part of a year.. probably one of the most useful things to me was learning to visualize OCD as something like an ai large language model. or generative image ai or something if your ocd comes in more as visuals. but thats the best way ive found to explain how it works. even though your mind really knows how to hit on your worst fears, its important to remember that the part of your brain responsible for intrusive thoughts doesn't actually know what it's saying... it only learns what is a "threat" and what isn't based on your reactions to things and the thoughts that happen in your conscious mind. but that's all it is- the use of your conscious awareness/memories/learned information/etc to pick out patterns and use those patterns to send you thoughts.

Like... imagine you for some reason decided to train an LLM to generate messages that scare you. at first the messages arent tailored to you at all, just random potentially scary things it's drawing from its machine-learning understanding of what concepts are "scary". most of them don't bother you, but eventually it makes one that really freaks you out. in response, you give a positive rating to this message, and the Ai knows that *this* is what you want when you say "scary". so after this, the AI just keeps using this positively-rated message to make related scary things, or even just re-hash that same exact message and repeatedly send it to you. since it got your feedback on that one, it now knows that this is what it is "supposed" to be doing, so it's just going to keep doing that, even though it doesn't actually understand WHAT it's saying the way a human being would.

that's basically all OCD is, believe it or not. it's a type of anxiety disorder that occurs when a random thought from your subconscious was reacted to with an amount of fear and distress that signaled to the brain that the content of the thought must be a threat, and that something needs to be done to neutralize it. but again, your brain doesn't actually understand what the thought was, or what the threat was supposed to Be. All it wants is this: to "warn" you about the Scary Thing all of the time, since clearly you are very worried about it, and to get you to do something to Protect Yourself From Scary Thing. It doesn't know wtf is going on!! For all it knows, maybe your house is filled with deadly snakes and that's what you're so afraid of all the time, so it needs to remind you to watch out for snakes and it can only relax when your brain activity indicates that you Have in fact watched out for snakes. But it doesn't grasp the situation itself- only the mechanics of it. This snake situation could just as easily be "oh my god what if i dropped my credit card in the gas station I need to walk around the whole building again staring at the floor and then check my bag and then check my bag Again and" and your brain genuinely will not know the fucking difference. It only grasps "scary thing, neutralizing thing" chain of events, and your level of fear when it sends you the prompt to Watch Out. This is how OCD perpetuates itself- it sends you a Scary Thought complete with a large fear reaction, and when you Do The Thing, it serves as positive feedback for the brain and it thinks "wow, looks like there was a threat! I'm doing a good job. I'll continue." It's not trying to hurt you, and it doesnt KNOW anything about the situation that you don't... it just has no idea what's going on because it wasn't built to, and it's doing its best. It didn't evolve to understand situations the way your conscious brain does. It only evolved to make you react to things that scare you fast enough to keep you alive. And so consequently, it doesn't grasp whether or not the thing it's making you worry about actually makes any practical sense. And this is where ERP comes in, because the way to get your brain to Let Go of that topic is to train it in reverse. Just like you'd train an AI, basically. ERP preventing a response is basically teaching you how to train your brain that there is no threat, and that's why we don't have to do the action. The less you do the action/compulsion, the more times you send your brain the message that this thought isn't important, this isn't something that needs to be worried about, and it doesn't have to keep sending you that intrusive thought and anxiety. And it works!! If you would have told me a year ago that I would make as much progress as I had I probably would have started crying because I didn't think it was possible but here I am. It's possible to take your life back and learn how to keep OCD manageable! It just takes patience, trust in yourself (which you have to build from the ground up which is HARD and SUCKS but please keep at it), and a willingness to learn about OCD and how it functions. but it's been helpful for me, so helpful that I cannot recommend it enough

[unpurposed-organism]

One thing that stands out to me about the way people discuss morality-related intrusive thoughts (what if I did 'x' bad thing) is the insistence that these thoughts aren't ever connected to the individuals desires. I'd generally agree with this, and I understand why people feel the need to stress this point. Nobody wants their deepest fears to be regarded by others as something they would sincerely want to do. Besides that, its also just not how intrusive thoughts work, and its good to inform people about how OCD actually works. Its a very misunderstood disorder.

What bothers me about this is that, as somebody whose struggled with this, is that it feels like its missing the bigger picture. Yes, your intrusive thoughts probably have nothing to do with your desires. But even if they did, even if you legit liked the idea of murder or whatever, thats still fine. What actually matters is what you do. The distinction between intrusive thought and desire doesnt matter in terms of morality.

I also understand that many people arent receptive to that idea, but its a conversation Id like to see more often. Telling somebody with OCD that whether or not their thoughts are okay or not depends on their emotional response to that thought doesnt encourage healthy coping mechanisms. It will likely cause them to obsess over how they feel whenever they think of 'x'. (Did I feel disgusted enough with this thought? No? I need to intentionally upset myself now to reassure myself Im not a horrible person.) I know Ive been there before, so its important to me to stress that thoughts are morally neutral. I think thatll be more helpful for those with OCD than reiterating for the millionth time that intrusive thoughts =/= desires.

[kani-miso]

General questions 7 and 8, and prisoner question 4 for Kotoko? ^^

general questions

7. which prisoner do you think you would get on with the most if you met them in person, and why?

hmm, i'd say i could get along with kazui. he's a pretty chill man and doesn't have any exaggerated personality. his voice is really calming to listen to. he's also pretty easy to talk with (he also starts the conversation so this is a win). you can probably talk about anything with him and he'll try his best to listen. the way he probably asks stuff is very idk how to say it, not overwhelming? usually people ask stuff and then before you even finish talking, they'll ask even more. kazui's different, he's a listener so i like that. hearing his thoughts would also be nice, im also a listener. also definitely not a bias but i can also get along with es. i really like stuff about law and psychology, maybe we can rant to each other about our peculiar interests (especially that our special interests are the same). my personality is just basically the same as es so it would be easy to talk with them. the way i talk sometimes feel overly formal to some people (irl) < i don't really use slangs irl, most of the time. the way they talk is also like that so ig we could be the odd balls out together. (also might not be important but my way of choosing clothes are also overly formal like them and get judged for that, so ig we can talk about getting dissed for being too formal).

8. which prisoner do you think you would get on with the least if you met in person, and why?

fuuta, muu and kotoko.

for fuuta, his humor and my humor is vastly different (i think). i get overwhelmed from people screaming so thats uh. i mean, we sort of can get along if he doesn't use his stupid tough guy personality and just act like the lonely loser he is.

for muu, i don't like girls like her. she's like those girls in the popular groups, i don't really like befriending people from popular groups (especially those bullying groups). i know she is sort of the odd one out of the group, but i also don't enjoy being with people who have an inflated ego. she's understanding, but she also likes to make almost everything about herself (i dont really enjoy that).

for kotoko, she's a bit strange for me. i know most of the things she tries to do is just for good, but the comforting thing is just not it for me. i don't like when people just view people who are hurt as weaklings, i also don't like being looked down on. because of that, yonah became one of the most uncomfortable vds for me to listen (the way she comforts es just doesn't feel comfortable, maybe it's just me). also her way of viewing mental disorders (ex: did) is just not it, at all. the fact in french subs she technically called mikoto retarted just makes me not like her.

prisoner questions

4. what do you wish more people understood about kotoko?

im not sure since im not a huge kotoko fan, but i think people should understand how she actually doesn't really hate the prisoners. even if she beat them up, it doesn't necessarily mean she hates them. there's even proof in the interrogation questions that she doesn't really hate the prisoners (i forgot which question). she really just did that for the name of justice since they got voted guilty. also with her saying she didn't have enough time to beat up amane, it feels like a total lie. sure, she did demonize amane so its punishment verbally, but why didn't she beat her? in my opinion, i think it's because amane sort of resembles keiko and not because she didn't have enough time. she clearly had a lot of time since i think she started from highest numeral order (09>08>06>03) but she didn't attack her.

tldr: i wish people knew kotoko doesn't really hates the prisoners.

[kindestegg]

Pespillo’s post about how the fandom treats Hunter’s Belos-related trauma while ignoring the Collector’s to instead flatten them into funny iPad kid reminds me of how Luz’s trauma from Belos is also downplayed and ignored so she can be his best friend and therapist and the one person who gets him, meeting him on mutual ground as if the finale didn’t perfectly summarize why this is a terrible thing. Coincidentally, both Luz and the Collector are very similar in themes and motives and have their outgoing charm used as an excuse to ignore the legitimate depth going on beneath the surface.

oh you are so correct it often feels like ppl want luz to put the responsibility in herself of fixing him when like. shes fucking fourteen n he traumatized her do you think at ANY POINT shed even have the mental n emotional capability after being tossed into danger and having her loved ones threatened multiple times to PLAY THERAPIST for him and undo the literal hundreds of years of cognitive dissonant he has in a single episode?? LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!! CHEGAAAAAA!! LET HER REST!!

also you are so right in clocking that, i did technically write something similar to the sentiment colly n luz are so similar here . but also like ive been thinking about luzs specific trauma n guilt related to helping belos n what is an actual fucked up underlying context here is that shes not JUST responsible for the nebulous acts of 'she was nice to him without knowing who he was n taught him a glyph n helped him meet the collector'. because its implied that belos NEEDED collectors help to get the draining spell started? and whats related to the draining spell? the whole coven system he started n enforced n all the domino n ripple effects that had on their society.

this, mind you, includes edas curse. hell it includes the whole drama in the clawthorne family. it includes also all the wild witches that were killed simply for resisting assimilation. it includes also all the kids bullied and tortured in subtler ways for being different. it includes probably his looking into the basilisks and yes, includes vee. it includes even all of the exhausted natural resources that were taken to fulfill his plans.

isnt that fucking terrifying? to know that actions you thought were selfless and just helping out another person, a person you looked up to even, and at some point you realized he sucked but not to HOW much he sucked... were actually setting up for a slow hellish imperialist reign that made the lives of so many people exponentially worse? that KILLED people? that WOULD have killed more? when it otherwise didnt leave them with fucked priorities and mental disorders??? FUCK MAN!!!!!! THATS FUCKED UP!! NO WONDER LUZ WANTED TO HAVE NEVER EXISTED, LOOK AT ALL THIS SHIT.

and yet... we do know even if it was a ripple effect, it was still ultimately belos' fault. it was his n his decision alone to do all this with the small push luz gave him. and in the depths of her psychological despair, even then, luz is able to grasp at some hope that she can make things right, that she can make it up to the isles and its people. she HAS to. its the least she can do for them. but it then becomes equally important just how much every step of the way she is comforted by the people she has by her side telling her that they wont abandon her, that they know she messed up terribly, but that this does not necessarily make her irredeemable, and that the only path is forward, and through it all.

and most of all, she is allowed to look back, she is allowed to think slowly, she is allowed to seek comfort when she is suffering because this does not make her egocentric in her pain over her guilt, it just means she needs this healing so she can complete her journey. you can be of no use to others if you are constantly punishing yourself, after all. and ultimately also when papa titan offers her the perspective she was kind to her son even when she had no idea king was a titan, luz truly realizes another important truth: your bad deeds do not negate your good ones. theres no score or balance of sins vs virtues pending one way or another. one horrible mistake you made is just another action in the web of your life, where if you look in another direction, you have also done immense good with other actions.

and the good you do ripples as well. it isnt a coincidence that it was also another action of kindness, attempting to save collector, that even got her to the in between. luz was never a chosen one. but through an intricate web of choices to do good, specially to these two wonderful children, she ended up right where she needed to then take papa titans power and become his vessel to rid the isles of belos for good. isnt that poetic? isnt that beautiful?

collector is much of the same. in a way, you could say he was at fault for the titans going pretty much extinct. had his presence among the titans not alerted his siblings, they would have never been able to actively find and kill off the last titans. and these were a people collector cared about, he learned of their magic, he played with them, he admired them and their strength. just. gone. and because of him? if he ever realizes that, its going to be luz all over again. and i can imagine he already feels guilty just because of the draining spell and the whole puppet thing once he starts realizing that was bad by the end of s3. this could easily send him spiraling. and i wonder... it also feels i havent seen many people touch on that in fan works. oh well.

anyway. ahem. my point is i think belos would be a very terrible character for them to be around, i feel like theyre best both trying to heal from their respective trauma n finding good support networks. and also there is so much more to them to be explored. luz also has her trauma from bullying and loss of her father, n colly has, again, being stuck in the disc and having to rely on anyone who has it to try and get them to set him free, many of them being power hungry and treating him like an object, only wanting to use him. this does make their backstories differ quite a bit, as luz wants to belong somewhere where she can be herself without judgement and people being cruel to her, and collector on the other hand just needs to be free and have good figures guiding him again. they state this. luz wanted to be understood, collector wanted a friend who wouldnt use him or betray him.

uhm this got a little long... oh well!!! heheh thank you for the ask, i always like getting a little too serious about this little show meow

[elytrafemme]

actually im going 2 rephrase. im not against self diagnosis & im happy if my experiences can help other ppl figure things out & im sure im a hypocrite bc even my BPD thing is like... well u werent given a questionnaire and diagnosed professionally so none of the other stuff that went into this realization both on my and my therapists end matters. so its like im sure ppl think that im faking this too and by God i am scared that IM faking this lol. 

but what i just get. upset by ig is like... i think bc im in the same shoes but like. sometimes u read info abt mental health disorders & the info is online and meant 2 distill the experience down to be easily understood and ppl are like ok! This Applies To Me bc ultimately every disorder at its basis relates to some kind of human experience it just gets amplified thats all the controversy with the dsm5 etc etc

and i know bc i did that! when i was trying to figure out what was wrong w me (and repressing any part of me that thought it was BPD) i looked into disorders and went Oh Shit Thats Me bc i wasnt looking at testimonials or actual diagnostic info or studies yet i was like. well this summarized version (still from a reputable source or primary source. thats important these arent like random ass websites right) makes sense to Me. i did this with bipolar because i knew i had depressive episodes and i kenw i had periodic hypomanic (which i think at this point is below hypomanic but still some sort of psychological manic response, its complicated i can explain if anyone cares etc) so i was like this is probably it! but when i actually figured out ok how does bipolar affect ppls lives how does it manifest across a WIDE sample i was like oh, no. this doesn’t really make sense at all. 

and when u further deconstruct disorders as like... theres so much overlap and sometimes the traits that could be explained by X disorder are better explained by Y disorder bc to an extent these labels are ‘arbitrary’ (not the right word but u get it), you realize like ok. what im worried about IS valid but these arent the explanations. 

this is all to say that i get it and im not upset at ppl for being in different stages of realizing that. 

i think what upsets me is when i try to articulate 2 people like. here’s my experience w/ this right and its like, already so so hard to articulate bc  how do i capture this in a way that doesnt raise alarm but is inherently alarming but without that element of risk it just sounds too abstract? it sounds very much non maladaptive when i try to take out the parts that are really really bad so even trying to explain why i act the way i act is extremely vulnerable. and then bc i cant explain it ppl are like “oh omg i do that too” or they do the far less favored “girl that’s normal” which ppl, actually do say to me.

and i dont like this idea of ‘trauma olympics’ or comparison or whatever but i do think to an extent its important to emphasize that like... a lot of symptoms are really intense versions of what a person may everyday experience heres a BPD related example right. everyone has had times where they are irrationally hating a close friend of theirs. ESPEC if that relationship is already complicated . so whenever i talk about splitting ppl are like no no thats normal or Oh yeah i get it.

but splitting isnt “i have a complex dynamic w a person i have heavy emotional investment with therefore sometimes i really hate them” and splitting isnt “me and my friend have this underlying tension and now i kind of want them dead”. splitting for me is like... i would throw away my entire future for someone bc there is no no way that anything they want could be morally wrong. and then in the next moment i am CONVINCED i have to kill them because they are immoral and deserve to be hunted down because they are manipulative and vile and abusive. and its the same person and this could be an ENTIRE fucking stranger, ive done this with ppl ive known for like. a total of an hour. 

so its not like im trying to tell people like no you dont have BPD no you dont split etc. but its hard to say like. you dont get it. bc that makes people want to duouble down right!

but sometimes ppl dont get it. and it sucks bc i feel like im at a place where i HAVE to explain whats going on with me (tho ive resisted telling some ppl thank God) but whenever i do i regret it bc they very clearly do not get it and they’re trying but they like. make jokes about me being “actually a horrible person” or talk about how i need medication and its like. if you listened you would remember why i cant do that but at this point i dont think u listened i think the words went to your ears and you forgot what they all meant at all. 

[lunarflare64]

"Try to empty your mind" is horse shit if you have adhd and/or intrusive thoughts, controlling your brain isn't gonna do jack shit here. Here's how I go about it (this won't work for everybody, nothing does when it comes to these things, but if you're searching for solutions these are mine)

Starting maybe about an hour and a half before bed (2 hours if you're feeling real alert), you're gonna shut down anything actively engaging. New show? Gone. Fanfic? Not happening. Drawing, gaming, anything that has the possibility of "just a little more". Its gotta stop.

This is when things get simplistic for you, if you need to watch something then make it something you've seen a thousand times, if you need to do something then make it mindless, like knitting

This next thing is very hit or miss, sometimes it helps, sometimes it causes issues, it depends on the person, pay attention to how you react to it, and don't bother if your first instinct is "that would feel weird". Its food. Doesn't need to be a whole meal, but snack type food hasn't gone well for me either (maybe thats just me getting old and not liking snacks very much though), what you're trying to trigger here is the body slowing down other functions in favour of digestion, the extreme form of it is a food coma, but relying on that degree of it is a bad idea (in my personal opinion)

Tea goes well with this, if you deal with bloating from eating before bed but want to try it anyway peppermint is a good solution to that, but if a warm drink in general appeals to you I definitely recommend fruit teas, I have this one blueberry and blackcurrant blend knocks me out, I often don't even make it to bed when I have that stuff (sleeping on the couch sucks though)

Around this point, if you haven't been rushing yourself (and you really shouldn't, adrenaline is the opposite of what we want) you'll be in the last half an hour or so before bed, I often end up waiting this out since you're supposed to wait around half an hour after eating before brushing your teeth (if you don't brush your teeth, please do that, its good for you and a good signal to your brain that sleep is in the immediate future)

And now for what really drives it home here, a lot of our issues are from our minds racing, keeping us active because lying down doing nothing in the dark is BORING. You're gonna need a screen for this, smart tv or laptop or phone, whatever you have, make sure the brightness is as low as you can get it, figure out the timeout setting so the device turns off on its own and doesn't waste power, but still have it so its on for two or three hours (you'll be out long before this point, but that doesn't mean your brain can't recognise a change in sound levels and find that odd enough to wake you up). You're gonna find a movie or youtube series you know front to back, and you're gonna turn the volume down to next-to-nothing, that "next-to" part is important, you need to hear it, but it can't be to the point where you can pick out words without having to focus on it (and even then its a stretch, you'll probably only be able to make out a word every now and then)

Now roll over, put on an eye mask if you have one (its a big help), and try and listen to what you've put on. Don't strain yourself, this is not a mental effort thing, this is pointing your brain in a direction so it doesn't dart off and do its own thing. If you really need to put your brain on something and actively think, try and figure out where you're at in the thing you're "watching" by sound alone, this will take some work since you won't really be able to hear much, but its doable, and when you've got that sorted just play the visuals in your minds eye, listening to the audio to try and make sure you're keeping your brain cinema screen in time with the actual screen

You probably won't last long after that. I never do.

So there! My nighttime routine! Built by and for someone with an incredibly fucked up and permanent sleep disorder! If it doesn't work for you then don't give up, you'll figure out how to hack your brain one day, I thought it was impossible for a long time and look at me now! Having a bedtime routine that's reliable enough for me to try and recommend it to others! Good luck everyone, whether you decide to try any of this or not!

any tips for someone who struggles to sleep that isn't the generic "try to empty your mind"?

if you find out let me know

[3liza]

talking about flters and real beauty vs fake beauty and cultural standards etc always makes me think about all the victorian and edwardian novels i read, where the things that people thought about beauty were recorded at length. recently ive been reading a lot of Thomas Hardy (best known for Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Jude the Obscure) and there’s so much discussion of the beauty of people, particularly love interests, both men and women. and these writers, and their eras, and the culture of the eras, was of course obsessed with beauty and youth and also artificial beauty (being the eras of the really transformative corsets, not to mention some of the earliest industrialized or modernized beauty products or processes), as all human societies are to a greater or lesser extent in their own ways, but the thing that sticks out to me in reading these books is how beauty is not the singular or even the most important aspect of a person’s overall attraction. if someone has a beautiful face or figure, it is mentioned, but never to the obsessive, fixated extent that physical beauty is isolated from and elevated over all other features in modern american/western culture. there are plenty of protagonists or love interests in these books who are described as not young, or not remarkable, or not pretty, or even ugly or frightening, but nevertheless compellingly sexy and attractive, or simply interesting, or worthy in some way. 

its weird that the cultural consciousness has become seemingly ignorant of non-physical attraction. like that anon that was in my inbox talking about how they were “normal looking’ and therefore “needed” filters in order to “compete” with attractive people. it’s a weirdly mercenary and capitalist view of the social economy, first of all, which absolutely is not zero-sum no matter how badly the social networks want to convince us that it is. but there was never a single mention from that person about their ability to charm or entertain or attract using anything except a fake photo of themselves. wild. im fuckin worried about them! im worried about every young person how has brain worms

when i was about 4 and starting to become aware of how much adults were obsessed with my appearance because i was dainty and blonde and could do a passable shirley temple imitation, my parents gave me a very serious lecture about what physical beauty actually meant: i didn’t work for it (yet, i mean i do a lot of work now as an adult), it was given to me genetically. and someday, maybe sooner or more suddenly than anyone could predict, it would be gone. if accident, illness, or hardship didnt get me, old age eventually would. so with that being a certainty, i had better build a life and a personality on something other than my looks. and i said, ok. every day i get older im more grateful for that advice and the fact i decided to take it to heart instead of trying to gamble on Being Hot for long enough to get job security. which is also a valid career choice but it’s a risky one. always better to have a fallback just in case.

im of an age rn where a lot of women in my peer group are starting to get a very hunted vibe about the impending end of their youth, which is valid. theres nothing foolish about it, its not their fault, theyre not stupid or somehow lacking because this is an issue in their lives. but im noticing that i am significantly less freaked out by, idk, how long ago the 90s were or whatever, because i have been expecting to get old since i was in kindergarten. and i had adults around me who were just like “hey this is what old people look like and what bodies do over time. its not a big deal. everything on tv is fake btw”. i didnt get out unscathed, ive had eating disorders and all sort of weird brain-body problems. 

my advice i guess if i have any is to go outside and really look around you. notice how almost every single woman, and most men, has at least some cellulite, even if its just when theyre sitting down or whatever. notice how everyone has blemishes and zits. most people have some dandruff. if someone is wearing makeup, it’ll be cakey or balled up or smeared or uneven or clumpy even if it’s just a bit. everyone over the age of about 20 will have stretch marks somewhere, even if they aren’t visible except in certain light. i was under the impression i didnt have many until one time seeing a picture of my butt in FULL natural light and finally saw the entire surface of both cheeks was covered in straitions, they just were hard to see most of the time because im the color of drywall and scars tend to be light. it’s really easy to spot hair extensions and wigs and fake nails and fake tans and shapewear once you figure out how to see it. and none of these things take away from someone’s character. 

there’s a strong argument to be made that when corsetry was the norm, no woman was expected to simply be the shape of the corset unless she was actually wearing it. photographs and drawings of women in the 19th and early 20th century were retouched a bit as all photos have been, yes, but they were not retouched to make naked women appear to be corset-shaped. THAT is new. people are now getting surgery to be corset-shaped. and like, i dont think anyone should not be able to look however they want if they want to have that surgery. that is one meaning of cyborg feminism, probably. what i dont want, is for anyone to ever think that’s a normal way to look (except for veryvery tiny mathematical outliers, the Barbie Hips Georg of instagram) WITHOUT surgery or shapewear. which i see a lot now. i saw an instagram fashion designer with a very obviously surgically-altered body answer a question in her inbox about how she maintained her figure with some nonsense about diet and exercise. so now some (probably young) person out there is thinking that if they just do intermittent fasting enough, theyll look like a woman with butt and boob implants, a BBL, fillers, etc. that person probably thinks that if they arent able to diet and exercise good enough, they will fail at looking that way through their own laziness and lack of work ethic or whatever. i see that mindset constantly, especially in young women.

the surgery isnt the issue. the look itself isnt the issue. the filters themselves arent the issue. the issue is that on none of these images, is there an indication of what has been changed or how. the brain damage effect of filters would be lessened, i think, if everyone KNEW which images had been altered and how. so maybe thats the answer? mandatory labeling? i dont know. what’s terrifying is that the average adult human in america cant tell from a glance what has been altered in a photograph, no matter how clumsily, because they simply dont have a template for what a real human looks like anymore. the false images have supplanted the real images, the actual memories of alive humans that you know and have met or lived with. 

if you go into any of the shittier men’s spaces online you will find threads for posting pictures of “beautiful girls”, and it is page after page after page of teenagers in full makeup, hair extensions or wigs, circle lenses, facetuned, bodytuned, surgery, etc, and then hundreds of men yearning and fanning themselves over her “natural beauty”. dont go looking for this stuff, it will permanently fuck you up to know what a basic guy on the bus is thinking about women every day. dont do it

but i also seriously predict a backlash into “natural” looks after this current madness, similarly to how the 1960s saw the rise of the hippie girl with swingin titties, pit hair and no high heels after the consumer beauty madness of the 50s. of course the 60s beauty ideals were in some ways just as fake, but there was some authentic yearning towards a freedom from capitalist bodies as well. so when that happens send me $20: paypal.me/3liza. should be in like the next 4 years or so. thanks

[morceauoleander]

I got a question, do you think Cassie has DID, I’ve seen some people say they think she got it but I just thought it was more general, who are you really as people act differently in different situations. I’d like to see your opinion on her

no. not at all.

like, ill be super clear on this. while there isnt any claims to disorders i do not think anyone should be claiming she has DID mostly if they dont know what theyre talking about. its not wrong for people to relate to her at all if they have DID and expand on it that way but its incredibly important to remember Cassie’s parts do not have any solid identities and simply take over roles in life she wants to fufill- completely willingly done. this is a VERY NORMAL thing to do as a not dissociative person- people probably do it more than they realize!

it is a completely normal and common coping mechanism for people to come up with, “me but im good at parties” “me but i take authority at work”- what Teacher Cassie specifically words literally explains it not being DID pretty well imo and i think the writers wrote this kinda thing in a very good way because the wording struck me immediately as “this is not DID we’re describing this other thing!” and i applaud them on that

“who is the REAL razputin? the one you are with your friend? with your family? [...] Is that the real you? Or are you actually a combination of all those different identities?” - this is about how you act as an individual... i think many people can relate to maybe “projecting” a different sense of self when in certain situations. thats all this is, but made into a more literal form with the archtype power! and i like that a lot, i think this is a great thing to expand on in this setting tbh.

and ill be real, i feel like people are going down a slippery slope by saying this is DID! Because its not!!! its a very different thing that again is normal to do. it would be quite offensive if they made a character with DID and then said the main character could also make his own “identities” with a psychic power lol. Cassie’s situation also greatly reminds me of IFS - Internal Family System which i highly assume they based this around. While it is a form of therapy it is still something people can naturally come to do as a way to cope. However please do remember IFS is not DID, its a coping mechanism taught to deal with issues/obstacles/etc but in no way is it a dissociative disorder. And this post isnt an endorsement of IFS, i have a whole other list of opinions on that itself.

sorry if this sounds negative- im not angry at you at all lol, but i was thinking about this a lot and just had to word it like this bc i really dont like the idea of people deciding Cassie is a gaetway to DID rep when she really is not, and is not supposed to be at all. this is a totally real thing to do and the writers wrote it very well, its best to not twist it into DID.

[kendrixtermina]

excellent writeup, kind of a good example of how with 3w4 theres that little withdrawn component mixed in of if you cant win then youll quit. 

we had this conversation on reddit recently on how the wing combos have those very particular mixed flavors to them. 

its a bit shocking that you were that badly hit by one comment that wasnt even intended in a mean way & you normally seem like someone who knows what they’re doing, not an obvious super timid person. - Which isn’t meant as a personal diss of you at all, its just an example of how humans are & what it is to exist like this. but it makes everything precarious when you have to consider that one wrong move could have such an effect. i do not want that responsibility lol. 

i dont go out of my way to be a jerk or anything, but im not sure i could function if i always had this present because, you also need to say the truth, or something.  

when it comes to my works & what ticks me up with regards to them, or has historically done so i guess one thing that has come up multiple times is ppl trying to insert some sociocultural meaning into it like “is the protagonist supposed to have X disorder” - no. not everyone is like you. i told you exactly in the text why the protagonist is how she is did i stutter? id rather they tell me it sucks than presume to tell me what my thingy is about. though, i realize that was probably not their actual intention. 

Still, this is one of the reasons why I’m always using a pseudonym cause I don’t want ppl to see it as a [demographic box] story. Don’t get me wrong, those are valid & important and all that, but everything’s a demographic box story these days maybe I want to do something else. like they would make it a “woman story” or “child of immigrants” story never mind that i dont really identify with any of that, and then it doesnt matter what i say cause everything will be twisted with regards to the box - i guess the underlying feeling would be ‘Im talking and youre not listening, yout twisting my words round in my mouth as if i wasnt here at all’ 

although i realize that, in the end, i have zero control what anyone thinks. if one in a while someone gets it thats nice but i cant expect it. thats kind of the point at which one has to disengage. 

humans are kind of absurd little things - what more can really be said?

My 3 fix: digging into the heart center

For the last few weeks, I’ve been digging into my heart center, which has not been fun. The heart center, also known as the ‘shame’ center, deals with our tender emotions, our sense of self, what we want others to see when they look at us, and our sense of ‘identity.’ Because my heart center is not dominant, this is less of an area of sensitivity than it would be for a core image center, but I…

[psychoticallytrans]

hi i hope this isnt a weird question to ask but. uhm tomorrow i have to tell my therapist about a maybe-psychotic-depression episode i had last week and im like, Nervous:tm: and unsure how or what to say? this is probably So stupid to ask but is there. i dont know. a script for this kind of thing, a limit to what i should disclose (im trying to avoid institutionalization, im in college and i cant afford to miss class)? therapy in general is new to me and while ive maybe had episodes like this in the past, the one i had last week was a new level of intense, too, so im just very out of my depth. thank you so much if you reply to this and if you cant thats okay too <3

This took me a long time to get around to. This probably won't help you in particular, anon, but I hope it helps others.

I will disclaim before this post that I have had extremely traumatic experiences in therapy. I came out of therapy with more disabilities and more severe ones than when I went in, and at least one of my therapists can be pinned as a direct cause. That will color this post.

The problem of therapy and disclosure is that... therapists are people, and they are people whose word holds an incredible amount of sway when considering how to act in regards to their clients. That sway is a problem because of how ableism and specifically saneism interact with the medical industry and with society. We are not seen as arbiters of our experiences. They are seen as the authorities on us. Everything you disclose will be filtered through the therapist, all of their prejudices and preconceptions, before it becomes something that the medical system will take seriously.

Amplifying this is the unavailability of therapy and how very few therapists are also mentally ill. If they are, it's even rarer to find one with a disorder that is considered "threatening"- for a reason. The inventor of DBT was BPD, and the second she revealed this, she was essentially exiled from her community. This means, in order, that a) a lot of people have to either adapt to their therapist or go without therapy and b) that therapists can very rarely actually relate to the experiences of clients that need heavy-duty help.

They might be presented as cutesy and "just here to help", but therapists are still medical professionals administering medical treatment with medical authority, and should be treated by disabled people with every caution that you treat a normal doctor with.

As such, this is my advice.

a) Don't disclose any heavy duty symptoms or trauma until you've tested them on some lighter topics, and they've handled them well. "Well" means not denying your experiences, respecting boundaries that you put up, and not acting like mental illness being in your head means you can think yourself well in a few hours. To define "heavy duty" generally, think about what you would put behind a trigger warning for an audience of adults.

b) Don't sign anything without reading it in full. If you don't understand it, tell them you need time to understand it before you can sign it. If they respond to this by telling you to just sign it or that it's not important, that should send alarm bells clanging in your head.

c) Request your medical record. Even if you're not concerned about your therapist, it lets you see their notes. It can be very informative.

d) If they pass as a decent person, then only one disclosure should get you institutionalization: confessing that you are going to hurt yourself or another person. If you can't afford institutionalization, and this is a problem for you, then you are going to have to find ways to deal with that without telling your therapist that. This is actually very easy. As long as you don't tell them that the feeling is current, you can ask for advice. "I sometimes have problems with wanting to hurt myself. Can you help me?" or "I worry that I might do harm to other people- what can I do to avoid that?" are great ways to phrase it that should still get you help as long as you can keep them in the past or future tense. If either of these is an active problem for you, seek whatever help you safely can.

e) Understand that therapy is medical treatment. It is very possible to perform great healing with it. It is also very possible to perform great medical malpractice.

You only have one mind. Be careful who you trust with it.

[filthforfriends]

@definatlynotdamiano

*catches the DSM-5*

Opens to Autism Spectrum Disorder

*Sees that the words health and illness are not mentioned a single time.* That makes sense since Autism is not considered a mental illness, its a developmental disability. ASD is categorized as a neurodevelopmental disorder in the DSM-5. Under section E it explicitly asks you to "Specify if: Associated with another neurodevelopmental, mental, or behavioral disorder."

So we've established that implying or calling Autism a mental illness is factually incorrect. Here is why I'm being miticulous: you are using your credibility as a future medical professional to bolster your opinion. You have power and people will listen.

I am not ill, I am not sick. Other people with ASD are not sick, other people with developmental disabilities are not sick. That theology has literally been used to justify atrocities. Please stop using the word "struggle" when talking about people with disabilities, we don't want our lives to be defined by the hardship of being disabled. It shoves us into the only societal role we're allowed to occupy, which is the quiet, ever-grateful, pathetic victim.

The idea that we can just trust psychiatric doctors, or any physicians to take care of us is so short sighted. Read I Never Promised You a Rose Garden by Joanne Greenberg. This applies to Autism especially considering the diagnostic criteria for ASD in the DSM-5 is only based on males because until recently, it was believed that women couldn't have Autism. So this diagnostic criteria you’re using doesn't even apply to half your patients. Need there to be any more evidence than that? So many people are diagnosed late in life only because they speculated and demanded answers. You know how important those accommodations can be to all ability levels.

This may seem like an overreaction, but this deffinatly isn't just about anything you've said. I'm like Varys from Game of Thrones, theres probably been a dozen vague posts about me since I started this blog that I've been made aware of, and I just never responded. But to see how people have reacted to me speculating that Ethan or Thomas has autism literally made me cry. Because people are acting like I said something negative.

Autism isn't a dirty word! Autism isn't an illness! Autism isn't a weakness! Autism isn't a character flaw! Autism isn't a moral judgement! Its just a trait that you were born with like black hair. I reject the idea that we should hide it like a dirty secret because thats how people end up so overwhelmed by masking that they loose the ability to speak from the stress. It’s not helpful to people who actually have ASD. If you spend hours of your life talking about how Ethan seems like a Dom or has a Daddy kink, or likes spanking, these are all very personal things as well. Your issue is ableism.

[asidian-system]

I would just like to say “people with DID don’t know they have DID” is, to put it plainly, misinformation and misinterpretation of DID as a whole. I believe a lot of people are now spreading this due to the surge in tiktok attention seekers, faking the disorder for clout and entertainment. The statement probably assumes that the amnesia that accompanies DID prevents one from being self aware to their own situation, and this is not the case. 

The NHS website clearly states:

“ Dissociative identity disorder (DID) used to be called multiple personality disorder. Someone diagnosed with DID may feel uncertain about their identity and who they are. They may feel the presence of other identities, each with their own names, voices, personal histories and mannerisms.”

This is the first thing that is shown. It is very difficult for somebody with DID to not be aware they have alters, they will sense it from the people around them/how they react and often are able to communicate with at least one alter from very early on, normally childhood. 

People actually suffering with the disorder aren’t stupid, they are capable of critical thinking and can look in on their situation and say “well, that isn’t right.” That is often why people seek help. Certainly I am sure there are severe cases of people who become totally non-functional and are completely unaware, but I would certainly say these are the minority. 

And I do hope this explanation won’t be taken as me defending people who take to tiktok to falseify the disorder, I loathe them more than most regular people do. But the misinformation thats now being spread in response is a problem for real systems, I just wanted to put this out there as its quite important.