#is actually a very like important disorder thats probably important for me to know about asdfghjk but don't worry its Fine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miiilowo · 1 year

Note

i feel like theres not a lot of great resources out there so i figured id just ask -- how would you recommend ways of living with/helping out someone else with npd? :)

youre right! most of the time when u look up NPD stuff its "THE ABUSER DISORDER: KNOW HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT AND DISABLE NARC DEFENSES SO THEY CANT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU" which isnt. Great

all it really comes down to is listening to them n addressing their needs if they've communicated them to you. ill try to simplify it so i dont get too into details, though i will likely fail, and most of this advice will be based off my experiences, so idk how much itll apply to whoever ur talking about BUT:

generally (and w me especially) you can safely say that NPD mostly has to do with ego dysregulation. Our [as in myself and people w npd] mental health and general happiness tends to rely on how people perceive us, and if that perception is anything but positive, we feel like poopy doo doo dogshit. we kinda need to be paid attention to in a way that feels meaningful, yknow? compliment them, make sure theyre included in conversations (esp group ones), and try not to ignore em in any way. if youre talking to them and youre busy, for example, make sure you include that detail so they don't feel like youre brushing them aside. stuff like that. if they make art, and you genuinely like it, try going into detail as to why, whether its the colors or linework or what have you. if they write, tell them what you liked about the story or poem, etcetera. Tag them in stuff that reminds you of them if you have their socials, or send them things, show it to them, whatever.

lots of us tend to actually be very insecure, even if it doesn't seem that way, which might be important to keep in mind. sometimes we can get whats referred to as "narc crashes" (im not particularly a fan of the term narc, though theres nothing actually wrong with it, so ill just call it an NPD crash) where for whatever reason, we go from feeling great and secure in our egos and our stability and happiness and security to falling 600 feet down directly into hell no recovery absolutely awful 0% joy 0% light 100% agony. dogs with human teeth screaming at you and shit its really just no good. calling you a dunderhead

they usually (though not always!) come after a high where we feel fantastic, and most commonly the cause of a crash is we get hurt by someone, humiliated, or made to feel lesser in some significant way. for me, they're the worst when i no longer feel confident that people like me, and i become incredibly worried everybody secretly hates me. which is a very very very awful train of thought to be experiencing when you have the "EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LIKE ME NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" disorder. so if ur friend seems depressed or upset make sure to ask whats going on and bump up the praise and stuff up a notch. its the best way to recover for Me, at least. crashes dont have a consistent like. timeframe? i think it highly depends on the severity of what happened and whats being done to fix it, though im certainly no psychologist lmao

i feel like when folks w npd Are mean or unfair its because their needs arent being met, theyre doing awful, and they need support so they dont desperately lash out for it. god knows thats the case for me. thats another thing thats important to keep in mind i think

a lot of traits of NPD aren't pretty, and thats just a fact of the matter. its a disorder for a reason and all. even if we dont express the almost inherently negative traits all the time (usually because we are aware they are unfair to other people), its very likely that we are feeling them, and it does erode your brain after a while. The DSM-5 list of traits is probably the best way to go for this, as per this government website:

"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and with lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by at least five of the following:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.

Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).[milo note: its hard for me to find something specific to make bold in this definition, but generally, i do not express that i think that i am better than other people even if i think it]

Requires excessive admiration.

Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations.

Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes."

Ive bolded the ones that would negatively affect people that, I, at least, try not to express but still feel, or feel the desire to do, near constantly.

As you can see, thats a pretty hefty chunk of them! I'm sure some people could take problem with every trait listed here, in which case they can suck my whole dick, but those are the ones I've noticed upset people the most, or make relationships the most difficult. I bring these up because if someone does express these, you need to keep in mind it is because of a personality disorder. That doesn't always make them acceptable, and if they are really upsetting, you should talk to them about it, but thats just like. basic relationship shit lmao. just try to be an eensy bit forgiving

Though the MAIN reason I wanted to bring up the traits is due to the 'entitlement/unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment/compliance' one. This can manifest in a whole lot of ways, but it is genuinely infuriating when someone ignores what i want them to do/what ive asked them to do/etc, especially if its for a reason that doesnt 'feel' solid enough, like them just not wanting to do it. it can be incredibly frustrating if someone with npd says they need something from you or want you to do xyz and it doesnt happen, so try your best to listen to them. if you cant do what they desire for whatever reason, make sure thats clear, and why. Most of us will recognize we're being unfair, but will still be mad; Just know its not because of you, its because of the disorder, and most people will not hold it against you because they're aware its unreasonable in some fashion.

i think thats like. the main things when it comes to meeting the needs of someone w NPD. to summarize and dumb it down:

make sure to compliment them in meaningful ways, especially when you really mean it

pay attention to them; try to prioritize them in conversation and such. it feels very nice. dont ignore them for the love of god

keep the crashes in mind, and try to uplift your friend as much as you can. reassure them you care about them, maybe not directly by saying "i care about you" but with your actions in general

listen to them and adapt to their needs as best as you can

remember that if they are being unpleasant its probably because of The Disorder and they are not doing well. dont let anyone be a prick to you but try to be kind. everybody goes through shit

if anyone has anything to add, or if you have any followup questions, feel free to ask ^_^ i very much didn't cover everything here, and again, this is mostly based off of my experience as someone w NPD, and everyone is different to some degree. The most important thing to do is ask about their needs, and try to adapt to them the best you can.

i think thats all i have to say for now tho so. sayanora. if i come up w anything else ill add it in an edit

#ask to tag

157 notes · View notes

system-of-a-feather · 8 months

Text

Man finally got around to watching the "Mr. Monk's Last Case" that I've been meaning to watch since it came out and I always forget just how relatable Monk is to me and how it really just hits home a bit too much how Monk lives and views himself

Like I'm sure a lot of people read the show like its a "haha OCD so funny" gag and I know some people get really mad because "OCD is treated like the butt end of the joke and no one with OCD is actually like that" but it really never felt that way to me as someone who has OCD - particularly because I cope with it the same way.

I totally understand the people that do not relate to it, OCD has a wide way of presentation and an even wider way of coping with it and that is not taking into account co-morbidities, the one in particularly that I think is most important when judging Monk - is C-PTSD and the MAIN one, while not directly mentioned, autism.

Cause the way they DO handle Monk's mental health, both in the original series (which I've watched at least 5 times over in my life) and the newest movie, while silly and haha at times, has always been so realistically done to me that it unironically is the only show or series or movie or game that had nearly made me physically cry because when it DOES get real into Monk's mental health, it gets pretty real, arguably too real.

I think if you are to talk about it as JUST OCD and treat this as "media representation of the average individual with OCD", people are right to say that its not good because I agree, Monk isn't the average individual with OCD and it does play into harmful stereotypes and generalizations of OCD. Monk is advertised as that a lot, so that advertising I disagree with. But if you actually watch the show, the show does little to hide that he has co-morbidity with PTSD / C-PTSD and while they don't outright say it, he is obviously autistic.

And as someone who's dad is has C-PTSD, Autism, and OCD and as someone who ALSO has C-PTSD, Autism, and OCD.... It's really really really fucking accurate and hits home. Something my mom, who lived with THREE people with that matching set of co-morbidities, loves and agrees is super relatable to how it was like living in our house.

And that is where it really gets me when people say "its a bad representation of OCD! OCD doesn't looks like that" cause... yeah it does, for at least three people I know with OCD. Are we a specific minority within the group of OCD? Probably, but we still have OCD.

I dunno man, episodes with Monk's mental health being talked about gets me in ways few things do and I will die on the hill that Monk's shit is very well done and accurate albeit to a specific subset of people with OCD.

And also on the point of it "being the butt of the joke"...

For me, my OCD and literally all my mental health conditions are often used as the butt end of the joke. And I'm not saying that people are wrong for being upset, but chronic mental illness symptoms after you get really used to them and adapt your life to them and just embrace your unique way of living.... it's kind of hard to not find a lot of the quirks in light humor?

Like my fiance always said it about his year with severe Chrons "at a certain point when you are in the hospital having shit come out both ends, you just have to laugh at it cause thats funny shit right there."

I don't think I would have survived recovery with any of my mental health disorders if I didn't take some of the quirks that came out of my adapted life style to be funny and love them anyways.

As long as there is a balance between "this is a serious thing that gets in the way of a persons life" which they DO do very well in Monk, I see very little issue at exploring the kinda funny things living with a chronic mental health condition does.

#mr. monk #mr. monk's last case #mr monk #mr monk's last case #monk tv #mental health #mental health in media #ocd #actuallyocd #actuallyautistic #ptsd #cptsd #c-ptsd

34 notes · View notes

garpond · 5 months

Text

i feel like i have a lot to say about ocd now that ive been working towards teaching myself ERP for the better part of a year.. probably one of the most useful things to me was learning to visualize OCD as something like an ai large language model. or generative image ai or something if your ocd comes in more as visuals. but thats the best way ive found to explain how it works. even though your mind really knows how to hit on your worst fears, its important to remember that the part of your brain responsible for intrusive thoughts doesn't actually know what it's saying... it only learns what is a "threat" and what isn't based on your reactions to things and the thoughts that happen in your conscious mind. but that's all it is- the use of your conscious awareness/memories/learned information/etc to pick out patterns and use those patterns to send you thoughts.

Like... imagine you for some reason decided to train an LLM to generate messages that scare you. at first the messages arent tailored to you at all, just random potentially scary things it's drawing from its machine-learning understanding of what concepts are "scary". most of them don't bother you, but eventually it makes one that really freaks you out. in response, you give a positive rating to this message, and the Ai knows that *this* is what you want when you say "scary". so after this, the AI just keeps using this positively-rated message to make related scary things, or even just re-hash that same exact message and repeatedly send it to you. since it got your feedback on that one, it now knows that this is what it is "supposed" to be doing, so it's just going to keep doing that, even though it doesn't actually understand WHAT it's saying the way a human being would.

that's basically all OCD is, believe it or not. it's a type of anxiety disorder that occurs when a random thought from your subconscious was reacted to with an amount of fear and distress that signaled to the brain that the content of the thought must be a threat, and that something needs to be done to neutralize it. but again, your brain doesn't actually understand what the thought was, or what the threat was supposed to Be. All it wants is this: to "warn" you about the Scary Thing all of the time, since clearly you are very worried about it, and to get you to do something to Protect Yourself From Scary Thing. It doesn't know wtf is going on!! For all it knows, maybe your house is filled with deadly snakes and that's what you're so afraid of all the time, so it needs to remind you to watch out for snakes and it can only relax when your brain activity indicates that you Have in fact watched out for snakes. But it doesn't grasp the situation itself- only the mechanics of it. This snake situation could just as easily be "oh my god what if i dropped my credit card in the gas station I need to walk around the whole building again staring at the floor and then check my bag and then check my bag Again and" and your brain genuinely will not know the fucking difference. It only grasps "scary thing, neutralizing thing" chain of events, and your level of fear when it sends you the prompt to Watch Out. This is how OCD perpetuates itself- it sends you a Scary Thought complete with a large fear reaction, and when you Do The Thing, it serves as positive feedback for the brain and it thinks "wow, looks like there was a threat! I'm doing a good job. I'll continue." It's not trying to hurt you, and it doesnt KNOW anything about the situation that you don't... it just has no idea what's going on because it wasn't built to, and it's doing its best. It didn't evolve to understand situations the way your conscious brain does. It only evolved to make you react to things that scare you fast enough to keep you alive. And so consequently, it doesn't grasp whether or not the thing it's making you worry about actually makes any practical sense. And this is where ERP comes in, because the way to get your brain to Let Go of that topic is to train it in reverse. Just like you'd train an AI, basically. ERP preventing a response is basically teaching you how to train your brain that there is no threat, and that's why we don't have to do the action. The less you do the action/compulsion, the more times you send your brain the message that this thought isn't important, this isn't something that needs to be worried about, and it doesn't have to keep sending you that intrusive thought and anxiety. And it works!! If you would have told me a year ago that I would make as much progress as I had I probably would have started crying because I didn't think it was possible but here I am. It's possible to take your life back and learn how to keep OCD manageable! It just takes patience, trust in yourself (which you have to build from the ground up which is HARD and SUCKS but please keep at it), and a willingness to learn about OCD and how it functions. but it's been helpful for me, so helpful that I cannot recommend it enough

#THIRD TIME. PLEASE POST #WHATS WRONG W THIS POST...#ocd

7 notes · View notes

unpurposed-organism · 10 months

Text

One thing that stands out to me about the way people discuss morality-related intrusive thoughts (what if I did 'x' bad thing) is the insistence that these thoughts aren't ever connected to the individuals desires. I'd generally agree with this, and I understand why people feel the need to stress this point. Nobody wants their deepest fears to be regarded by others as something they would sincerely want to do. Besides that, its also just not how intrusive thoughts work, and its good to inform people about how OCD actually works. Its a very misunderstood disorder.

What bothers me about this is that, as somebody whose struggled with this, is that it feels like its missing the bigger picture. Yes, your intrusive thoughts probably have nothing to do with your desires. But even if they did, even if you legit liked the idea of murder or whatever, thats still fine. What actually matters is what you do. The distinction between intrusive thought and desire doesnt matter in terms of morality.

I also understand that many people arent receptive to that idea, but its a conversation Id like to see more often. Telling somebody with OCD that whether or not their thoughts are okay or not depends on their emotional response to that thought doesnt encourage healthy coping mechanisms. It will likely cause them to obsess over how they feel whenever they think of 'x'. (Did I feel disgusted enough with this thought? No? I need to intentionally upset myself now to reassure myself Im not a horrible person.) I know Ive been there before, so its important to me to stress that thoughts are morally neutral. I think thatll be more helpful for those with OCD than reiterating for the millionth time that intrusive thoughts =/= desires.

#she speaks #ocd #i tried my best to be coherent here #its difficult bc like i dont disagree and i fully get why people do do this #but i just feel like im ready for the next part of the conversation #though i do recognize that many others arent. ehhhh its awkward

8 notes · View notes

kani-miso · 4 months

Note

General questions 7 and 8, and prisoner question 4 for Kotoko? ^^

general questions

7. which prisoner do you think you would get on with the most if you met them in person, and why?

hmm, i'd say i could get along with kazui. he's a pretty chill man and doesn't have any exaggerated personality. his voice is really calming to listen to. he's also pretty easy to talk with (he also starts the conversation so this is a win). you can probably talk about anything with him and he'll try his best to listen. the way he probably asks stuff is very idk how to say it, not overwhelming? usually people ask stuff and then before you even finish talking, they'll ask even more. kazui's different, he's a listener so i like that. hearing his thoughts would also be nice, im also a listener. also definitely not a bias but i can also get along with es. i really like stuff about law and psychology, maybe we can rant to each other about our peculiar interests (especially that our special interests are the same). my personality is just basically the same as es so it would be easy to talk with them. the way i talk sometimes feel overly formal to some people (irl) < i don't really use slangs irl, most of the time. the way they talk is also like that so ig we could be the odd balls out together. (also might not be important but my way of choosing clothes are also overly formal like them and get judged for that, so ig we can talk about getting dissed for being too formal).

8. which prisoner do you think you would get on with the least if you met in person, and why?

fuuta, muu and kotoko.

for fuuta, his humor and my humor is vastly different (i think). i get overwhelmed from people screaming so thats uh. i mean, we sort of can get along if he doesn't use his stupid tough guy personality and just act like the lonely loser he is.

for muu, i don't like girls like her. she's like those girls in the popular groups, i don't really like befriending people from popular groups (especially those bullying groups). i know she is sort of the odd one out of the group, but i also don't enjoy being with people who have an inflated ego. she's understanding, but she also likes to make almost everything about herself (i dont really enjoy that).

for kotoko, she's a bit strange for me. i know most of the things she tries to do is just for good, but the comforting thing is just not it for me. i don't like when people just view people who are hurt as weaklings, i also don't like being looked down on. because of that, yonah became one of the most uncomfortable vds for me to listen (the way she comforts es just doesn't feel comfortable, maybe it's just me). also her way of viewing mental disorders (ex: did) is just not it, at all. the fact in french subs she technically called mikoto retarted just makes me not like her.

prisoner questions

4. what do you wish more people understood about kotoko?

im not sure since im not a huge kotoko fan, but i think people should understand how she actually doesn't really hate the prisoners. even if she beat them up, it doesn't necessarily mean she hates them. there's even proof in the interrogation questions that she doesn't really hate the prisoners (i forgot which question). she really just did that for the name of justice since they got voted guilty. also with her saying she didn't have enough time to beat up amane, it feels like a total lie. sure, she did demonize amane so its punishment verbally, but why didn't she beat her? in my opinion, i think it's because amane sort of resembles keiko and not because she didn't have enough time. she clearly had a lot of time since i think she started from highest numeral order (09>08>06>03) but she didn't attack her.

tldr: i wish people knew kotoko doesn't really hates the prisoners.

#milgram #milgram project #milgram asks

6 notes · View notes

kindestegg · 1 year

Note

Pespillo’s post about how the fandom treats Hunter’s Belos-related trauma while ignoring the Collector’s to instead flatten them into funny iPad kid reminds me of how Luz’s trauma from Belos is also downplayed and ignored so she can be his best friend and therapist and the one person who gets him, meeting him on mutual ground as if the finale didn’t perfectly summarize why this is a terrible thing. Coincidentally, both Luz and the Collector are very similar in themes and motives and have their outgoing charm used as an excuse to ignore the legitimate depth going on beneath the surface.

oh you are so correct it often feels like ppl want luz to put the responsibility in herself of fixing him when like. shes fucking fourteen n he traumatized her do you think at ANY POINT shed even have the mental n emotional capability after being tossed into danger and having her loved ones threatened multiple times to PLAY THERAPIST for him and undo the literal hundreds of years of cognitive dissonant he has in a single episode?? LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!! CHEGAAAAAA!! LET HER REST!!

also you are so right in clocking that, i did technically write something similar to the sentiment colly n luz are so similar here . but also like ive been thinking about luzs specific trauma n guilt related to helping belos n what is an actual fucked up underlying context here is that shes not JUST responsible for the nebulous acts of 'she was nice to him without knowing who he was n taught him a glyph n helped him meet the collector'. because its implied that belos NEEDED collectors help to get the draining spell started? and whats related to the draining spell? the whole coven system he started n enforced n all the domino n ripple effects that had on their society.

this, mind you, includes edas curse. hell it includes the whole drama in the clawthorne family. it includes also all the wild witches that were killed simply for resisting assimilation. it includes also all the kids bullied and tortured in subtler ways for being different. it includes probably his looking into the basilisks and yes, includes vee. it includes even all of the exhausted natural resources that were taken to fulfill his plans.

isnt that fucking terrifying? to know that actions you thought were selfless and just helping out another person, a person you looked up to even, and at some point you realized he sucked but not to HOW much he sucked... were actually setting up for a slow hellish imperialist reign that made the lives of so many people exponentially worse? that KILLED people? that WOULD have killed more? when it otherwise didnt leave them with fucked priorities and mental disorders??? FUCK MAN!!!!!! THATS FUCKED UP!! NO WONDER LUZ WANTED TO HAVE NEVER EXISTED, LOOK AT ALL THIS SHIT.

and yet... we do know even if it was a ripple effect, it was still ultimately belos' fault. it was his n his decision alone to do all this with the small push luz gave him. and in the depths of her psychological despair, even then, luz is able to grasp at some hope that she can make things right, that she can make it up to the isles and its people. she HAS to. its the least she can do for them. but it then becomes equally important just how much every step of the way she is comforted by the people she has by her side telling her that they wont abandon her, that they know she messed up terribly, but that this does not necessarily make her irredeemable, and that the only path is forward, and through it all.

and most of all, she is allowed to look back, she is allowed to think slowly, she is allowed to seek comfort when she is suffering because this does not make her egocentric in her pain over her guilt, it just means she needs this healing so she can complete her journey. you can be of no use to others if you are constantly punishing yourself, after all. and ultimately also when papa titan offers her the perspective she was kind to her son even when she had no idea king was a titan, luz truly realizes another important truth: your bad deeds do not negate your good ones. theres no score or balance of sins vs virtues pending one way or another. one horrible mistake you made is just another action in the web of your life, where if you look in another direction, you have also done immense good with other actions.

and the good you do ripples as well. it isnt a coincidence that it was also another action of kindness, attempting to save collector, that even got her to the in between. luz was never a chosen one. but through an intricate web of choices to do good, specially to these two wonderful children, she ended up right where she needed to then take papa titans power and become his vessel to rid the isles of belos for good. isnt that poetic? isnt that beautiful?

collector is much of the same. in a way, you could say he was at fault for the titans going pretty much extinct. had his presence among the titans not alerted his siblings, they would have never been able to actively find and kill off the last titans. and these were a people collector cared about, he learned of their magic, he played with them, he admired them and their strength. just. gone. and because of him? if he ever realizes that, its going to be luz all over again. and i can imagine he already feels guilty just because of the draining spell and the whole puppet thing once he starts realizing that was bad by the end of s3. this could easily send him spiraling. and i wonder... it also feels i havent seen many people touch on that in fan works. oh well.

anyway. ahem. my point is i think belos would be a very terrible character for them to be around, i feel like theyre best both trying to heal from their respective trauma n finding good support networks. and also there is so much more to them to be explored. luz also has her trauma from bullying and loss of her father, n colly has, again, being stuck in the disc and having to rely on anyone who has it to try and get them to set him free, many of them being power hungry and treating him like an object, only wanting to use him. this does make their backstories differ quite a bit, as luz wants to belong somewhere where she can be herself without judgement and people being cruel to her, and collector on the other hand just needs to be free and have good figures guiding him again. they state this. luz wanted to be understood, collector wanted a friend who wouldnt use him or betray him.

uhm this got a little long... oh well!!! heheh thank you for the ask, i always like getting a little too serious about this little show meow

#commander's answers #long post

4 notes · View notes

elytrafemme · 1 year

Text

actually im going 2 rephrase. im not against self diagnosis & im happy if my experiences can help other ppl figure things out & im sure im a hypocrite bc even my BPD thing is like... well u werent given a questionnaire and diagnosed professionally so none of the other stuff that went into this realization both on my and my therapists end matters. so its like im sure ppl think that im faking this too and by God i am scared that IM faking this lol.

but what i just get. upset by ig is like... i think bc im in the same shoes but like. sometimes u read info abt mental health disorders & the info is online and meant 2 distill the experience down to be easily understood and ppl are like ok! This Applies To Me bc ultimately every disorder at its basis relates to some kind of human experience it just gets amplified thats all the controversy with the dsm5 etc etc

and i know bc i did that! when i was trying to figure out what was wrong w me (and repressing any part of me that thought it was BPD) i looked into disorders and went Oh Shit Thats Me bc i wasnt looking at testimonials or actual diagnostic info or studies yet i was like. well this summarized version (still from a reputable source or primary source. thats important these arent like random ass websites right) makes sense to Me. i did this with bipolar because i knew i had depressive episodes and i kenw i had periodic hypomanic (which i think at this point is below hypomanic but still some sort of psychological manic response, its complicated i can explain if anyone cares etc) so i was like this is probably it! but when i actually figured out ok how does bipolar affect ppls lives how does it manifest across a WIDE sample i was like oh, no. this doesn’t really make sense at all.

and when u further deconstruct disorders as like... theres so much overlap and sometimes the traits that could be explained by X disorder are better explained by Y disorder bc to an extent these labels are ‘arbitrary’ (not the right word but u get it), you realize like ok. what im worried about IS valid but these arent the explanations.

this is all to say that i get it and im not upset at ppl for being in different stages of realizing that.

i think what upsets me is when i try to articulate 2 people like. here’s my experience w/ this right and its like, already so so hard to articulate bc how do i capture this in a way that doesnt raise alarm but is inherently alarming but without that element of risk it just sounds too abstract? it sounds very much non maladaptive when i try to take out the parts that are really really bad so even trying to explain why i act the way i act is extremely vulnerable. and then bc i cant explain it ppl are like “oh omg i do that too” or they do the far less favored “girl that’s normal” which ppl, actually do say to me.

and i dont like this idea of ‘trauma olympics’ or comparison or whatever but i do think to an extent its important to emphasize that like... a lot of symptoms are really intense versions of what a person may everyday experience heres a BPD related example right. everyone has had times where they are irrationally hating a close friend of theirs. ESPEC if that relationship is already complicated . so whenever i talk about splitting ppl are like no no thats normal or Oh yeah i get it.

but splitting isnt “i have a complex dynamic w a person i have heavy emotional investment with therefore sometimes i really hate them” and splitting isnt “me and my friend have this underlying tension and now i kind of want them dead”. splitting for me is like... i would throw away my entire future for someone bc there is no no way that anything they want could be morally wrong. and then in the next moment i am CONVINCED i have to kill them because they are immoral and deserve to be hunted down because they are manipulative and vile and abusive. and its the same person and this could be an ENTIRE fucking stranger, ive done this with ppl ive known for like. a total of an hour.

so its not like im trying to tell people like no you dont have BPD no you dont split etc. but its hard to say like. you dont get it. bc that makes people want to duouble down right!

but sometimes ppl dont get it. and it sucks bc i feel like im at a place where i HAVE to explain whats going on with me (tho ive resisted telling some ppl thank God) but whenever i do i regret it bc they very clearly do not get it and they’re trying but they like. make jokes about me being “actually a horrible person” or talk about how i need medication and its like. if you listened you would remember why i cant do that but at this point i dont think u listened i think the words went to your ears and you forgot what they all meant at all.

#nightmare.personal #DO NOT RB #long post

2 notes · View notes

lemonlovemeanslove · 9 months

Text

while im on the topic, i wonder how much i personally have contributed to this problem, bc when it comes to making friends irl, where i can see what the person looks like before i get to know them, i have always hanged out and made friends with pretty people, with people that i find attractive. not bc im attracted to them per say, its more of an unconscious thing. and yes my idea of beauty goes beyond what social media said bc ive been friends with plenty of fat people, but thats bc i dont see fat as not attractive, not in other people , with me its more difficult bc ive been bullied by my mother about my weight since age 14 so im kinda sick when it comes to this topic in general, but that doesn't change the fact that the girls who i would consider to be amongst the best looking out of all girls ive been friends with was also the biggest, in both height and weight. But it feels like an excuse, bc if i don't find fatness to be a deterrer from beauty, doesn't that make me just as shallow?

i also realize that i actually dont have the greatest authority on this topic, being conventionally attractive, which my sister (who is STUNNING btw) reminded me of when we were talking about how looks really aren’t that important, when really, they are, its just that we have always benefited from that fact, and never really been victims of it (expect from our mother who HATES and i mean HATES our bodies, like my sister has never in her life been overweight, even by the bullshit medical definition, and yet she’s been called everything under the sun by our mom lmao)

I just think that i might actually not be that objective when it comes to this stuff. Like me not wearing makeup has NEVER been a on im going against society thing, or I actively dont want to participate in this aspect of the beauty change. I thought of it was boring and the idea of wearing something on my face is a sensory nightmare for me. i feel like im being suffocated when i wear makeup or nail polish, like i can feel it on me, which made me anxious. But if I hadn’t come from a family of good looking people with great skin, if i at any point in my life had struggled with acne, or anything similar, would I have submitted? despite how unpleasant wearing makeup is for me from a sensory point of view? bc im most certainly fucked up about weight and food and eating, and how falling into phases of disordered eating plenty of times in my life. idk if any of it would count as an eating disorder, i dont know what ''counts'' or what doesn’t (sorries if this is a very triggering way of speaking about this stuff just trying to be honest). But if i didnt know that my face was ''good'' lol, would my mess around body image be worse of? if i could rely on my face? bc its always been a comfort for me, being pretty. like im not a model which is fine bc i dont want to be, i don’t really want to look different face wise, I do really like my face. I would never rate my fave tho bc i think its sick to rate yourself the sick sick behaviour like never ever do it if people ask u to do it tell them no im not doing that weirdo. but like, when ive been upset of felt like a failure and i walk past a mirror i can stop and go well at least i have that god i love being pretty. i don’t really think that makes me a bad person, just that it's probs bad FOR me. to centre my looks less, which i dont do a lot compared to most girl my age (which isnt really saying anything given how fucked up everyone is nowadays) is probably in my best interest. But it's HARD. bc i really enjoy being pretty. i enjoy finding myself pretty I enjoy others finding me pretty. like this whole thing started bc i was introduced to a stranger and the first thing she said to me was wow ur really beautiful, like she looks great, and my friend said yes im always telling her that. and it make me feel GREAT. maybe better than i should. def more that we should, as humans.

At the same time, i worry about not being good looking enough for my family, like my parents are good looking, essentially my mom, who is gorge, and all my siblings are good looking, and i get this worry sometimes, like, what if im the least good looking of my siblings (i think this bc im the biggest out of all of them) which is crazy bc were siblings so we all look alike and several people have asked if me and my older sister are twins when they first meet us and she is pretty much my idea of beautiful but idk. Im fucked up both ways, i guess. I was never never ever self-conscious about my weight until my mother, so now im sick in that regard, but im also sick in the way i use my looks as a crutch. I need to work on both, admitting it to myself is probs a good first step or whatever. rant over i think

#tw ed #tw disordered content #idk if i should add these tags but just to be safe #mom posts

0 notes

morceauoleander · 3 years

Note

I got a question, do you think Cassie has DID, I’ve seen some people say they think she got it but I just thought it was more general, who are you really as people act differently in different situations. I’d like to see your opinion on her

no. not at all.

like, ill be super clear on this. while there isnt any claims to disorders i do not think anyone should be claiming she has DID mostly if they dont know what theyre talking about. its not wrong for people to relate to her at all if they have DID and expand on it that way but its incredibly important to remember Cassie’s parts do not have any solid identities and simply take over roles in life she wants to fufill- completely willingly done. this is a VERY NORMAL thing to do as a not dissociative person- people probably do it more than they realize!

it is a completely normal and common coping mechanism for people to come up with, “me but im good at parties” “me but i take authority at work”- what Teacher Cassie specifically words literally explains it not being DID pretty well imo and i think the writers wrote this kinda thing in a very good way because the wording struck me immediately as “this is not DID we’re describing this other thing!” and i applaud them on that

“who is the REAL razputin? the one you are with your friend? with your family? [...] Is that the real you? Or are you actually a combination of all those different identities?” - this is about how you act as an individual... i think many people can relate to maybe “projecting” a different sense of self when in certain situations. thats all this is, but made into a more literal form with the archtype power! and i like that a lot, i think this is a great thing to expand on in this setting tbh.

and ill be real, i feel like people are going down a slippery slope by saying this is DID! Because its not!!! its a very different thing that again is normal to do. it would be quite offensive if they made a character with DID and then said the main character could also make his own “identities” with a psychic power lol. Cassie’s situation also greatly reminds me of IFS - Internal Family System which i highly assume they based this around. While it is a form of therapy it is still something people can naturally come to do as a way to cope. However please do remember IFS is not DID, its a coping mechanism taught to deal with issues/obstacles/etc but in no way is it a dissociative disorder. And this post isnt an endorsement of IFS, i have a whole other list of opinions on that itself.

sorry if this sounds negative- im not angry at you at all lol, but i was thinking about this a lot and just had to word it like this bc i really dont like the idea of people deciding Cassie is a gaetway to DID rep when she really is not, and is not supposed to be at all. this is a totally real thing to do and the writers wrote it very well, its best to not twist it into DID.

#cassie o'pia #psychonauts #pn2 spoilers

115 notes · View notes

psychoticallytrans · 3 years

Note

hi i hope this isnt a weird question to ask but. uhm tomorrow i have to tell my therapist about a maybe-psychotic-depression episode i had last week and im like, Nervous:tm: and unsure how or what to say? this is probably So stupid to ask but is there. i dont know. a script for this kind of thing, a limit to what i should disclose (im trying to avoid institutionalization, im in college and i cant afford to miss class)? therapy in general is new to me and while ive maybe had episodes like this in the past, the one i had last week was a new level of intense, too, so im just very out of my depth. thank you so much if you reply to this and if you cant thats okay too <3

This took me a long time to get around to. This probably won't help you in particular, anon, but I hope it helps others.

I will disclaim before this post that I have had extremely traumatic experiences in therapy. I came out of therapy with more disabilities and more severe ones than when I went in, and at least one of my therapists can be pinned as a direct cause. That will color this post.

The problem of therapy and disclosure is that... therapists are people, and they are people whose word holds an incredible amount of sway when considering how to act in regards to their clients. That sway is a problem because of how ableism and specifically saneism interact with the medical industry and with society. We are not seen as arbiters of our experiences. They are seen as the authorities on us. Everything you disclose will be filtered through the therapist, all of their prejudices and preconceptions, before it becomes something that the medical system will take seriously.

Amplifying this is the unavailability of therapy and how very few therapists are also mentally ill. If they are, it's even rarer to find one with a disorder that is considered "threatening"- for a reason. The inventor of DBT was BPD, and the second she revealed this, she was essentially exiled from her community. This means, in order, that a) a lot of people have to either adapt to their therapist or go without therapy and b) that therapists can very rarely actually relate to the experiences of clients that need heavy-duty help.

They might be presented as cutesy and "just here to help", but therapists are still medical professionals administering medical treatment with medical authority, and should be treated by disabled people with every caution that you treat a normal doctor with.

As such, this is my advice.

a) Don't disclose any heavy duty symptoms or trauma until you've tested them on some lighter topics, and they've handled them well. "Well" means not denying your experiences, respecting boundaries that you put up, and not acting like mental illness being in your head means you can think yourself well in a few hours. To define "heavy duty" generally, think about what you would put behind a trigger warning for an audience of adults.

b) Don't sign anything without reading it in full. If you don't understand it, tell them you need time to understand it before you can sign it. If they respond to this by telling you to just sign it or that it's not important, that should send alarm bells clanging in your head.

c) Request your medical record. Even if you're not concerned about your therapist, it lets you see their notes. It can be very informative.

d) If they pass as a decent person, then only one disclosure should get you institutionalization: confessing that you are going to hurt yourself or another person. If you can't afford institutionalization, and this is a problem for you, then you are going to have to find ways to deal with that without telling your therapist that. This is actually very easy. As long as you don't tell them that the feeling is current, you can ask for advice. "I sometimes have problems with wanting to hurt myself. Can you help me?" or "I worry that I might do harm to other people- what can I do to avoid that?" are great ways to phrase it that should still get you help as long as you can keep them in the past or future tense. If either of these is an active problem for you, seek whatever help you safely can.

e) Understand that therapy is medical treatment. It is very possible to perform great healing with it. It is also very possible to perform great medical malpractice.

You only have one mind. Be careful who you trust with it.

#Partially justified paranoia #medical malpractice #symptomatic #answered

53 notes · View notes

filthforfriends · 3 years

Text

@definatlynotdamiano

*catches the DSM-5*

Opens to Autism Spectrum Disorder

*Sees that the words health and illness are not mentioned a single time.* That makes sense since Autism is not considered a mental illness, its a developmental disability. ASD is categorized as a neurodevelopmental disorder in the DSM-5. Under section E it explicitly asks you to "Specify if: Associated with another neurodevelopmental, mental, or behavioral disorder."

So we've established that implying or calling Autism a mental illness is factually incorrect. Here is why I'm being miticulous: you are using your credibility as a future medical professional to bolster your opinion. You have power and people will listen.

I am not ill, I am not sick. Other people with ASD are not sick, other people with developmental disabilities are not sick. That theology has literally been used to justify atrocities. Please stop using the word "struggle" when talking about people with disabilities, we don't want our lives to be defined by the hardship of being disabled. It shoves us into the only societal role we're allowed to occupy, which is the quiet, ever-grateful, pathetic victim.

The idea that we can just trust psychiatric doctors, or any physicians to take care of us is so short sighted. Read I Never Promised You a Rose Garden by Joanne Greenberg. This applies to Autism especially considering the diagnostic criteria for ASD in the DSM-5 is only based on males because until recently, it was believed that women couldn't have Autism. So this diagnostic criteria you’re using doesn't even apply to half your patients. Need there to be any more evidence than that? So many people are diagnosed late in life only because they speculated and demanded answers. You know how important those accommodations can be to all ability levels.

This may seem like an overreaction, but this deffinatly isn't just about anything you've said. I'm like Varys from Game of Thrones, theres probably been a dozen vague posts about me since I started this blog that I've been made aware of, and I just never responded. But to see how people have reacted to me speculating that Ethan or Thomas has autism literally made me cry. Because people are acting like I said something negative.

Autism isn't a dirty word! Autism isn't an illness! Autism isn't a weakness! Autism isn't a character flaw! Autism isn't a moral judgement! Its just a trait that you were born with like black hair. I reject the idea that we should hide it like a dirty secret because thats how people end up so overwhelmed by masking that they loose the ability to speak from the stress. It’s not helpful to people who actually have ASD. If you spend hours of your life talking about how Ethan seems like a Dom or has a Daddy kink, or likes spanking, these are all very personal things as well. Your issue is ableism.

#I have too much respect for you to talk about you behind your back

22 notes · View notes

asidian-system · 3 years

Text

I would just like to say “people with DID don’t know they have DID” is, to put it plainly, misinformation and misinterpretation of DID as a whole. I believe a lot of people are now spreading this due to the surge in tiktok attention seekers, faking the disorder for clout and entertainment. The statement probably assumes that the amnesia that accompanies DID prevents one from being self aware to their own situation, and this is not the case.

The NHS website clearly states:

“ Dissociative identity disorder (DID) used to be called multiple personality disorder. Someone diagnosed with DID may feel uncertain about their identity and who they are. They may feel the presence of other identities, each with their own names, voices, personal histories and mannerisms.”

This is the first thing that is shown. It is very difficult for somebody with DID to not be aware they have alters, they will sense it from the people around them/how they react and often are able to communicate with at least one alter from very early on, normally childhood.

People actually suffering with the disorder aren’t stupid, they are capable of critical thinking and can look in on their situation and say “well, that isn’t right.” That is often why people seek help. Certainly I am sure there are severe cases of people who become totally non-functional and are completely unaware, but I would certainly say these are the minority.

And I do hope this explanation won’t be taken as me defending people who take to tiktok to falseify the disorder, I loathe them more than most regular people do. But the misinformation thats now being spread in response is a problem for real systems, I just wanted to put this out there as its quite important.

#DID #dissociative identity disorder #personal

13 notes · View notes

dropoutparty · 3 years

Text

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

#ngc ramblings #nes godzilla creepypasta #godzilla nes creepypasta #godzilla nes

15 notes · View notes

violentviolette · 4 years

Note

How do u cope with perceived rejection? I'm at the point rn where I don't want to leave the house bc I don't want to interact with anyone anymore.

oof, that sucks. im sorry anon.

honestly for me its a combo of a lot of little things and techniques but also its still hard sometimes. I also don't have any issue when it comes to strangers. I dont care if random people don't like or reject me or think negatively of me I only care if the people I care about and want to like me don't like me. if that makes sense? so sorry if some of this isnt as helpful for those kinds of situations

but okay so my main steps are usually firstly reminding myself that I'm not that important in peoples lives. and I dont mean that in a self depreciating way so just stay with me. most people are self centered in that were all the most important person to ourselves, we live in our own brains and with our own thoughts 24/7 and so were constantly thinking about ourselves and our behavior and our life and all the things going on in it that are important to us. and like thats a good normal thing but that also means that so is everyone else. no one is paying as much attention to me and what im doing as I am, because theyre paying attention to themselves.

so I remind myself of that and remind myself that most people have a lot going on that has nothing to do with me and so their bad mood or their quietness or their weird vibe isnt them hating and rejecting me, it just means theyre upset and theres a millions reasons why that could be that are more important to them than some little thing i did.

next up is that whatever the most mundane and casual explination that exists is, is probably the truth. and even if i truly think it isnt, i act as if it is until someone directly tells me otherwise. is someone not talking to me today or hasnt replied in hours? theyre probably really busy at work or eating or showering or maybe their phone is dead, and it helps me to ask myself “well when are some times ive taken 2 hours to respond and why was that” and if im being actually honest with myself i will find times when i have behaved the same but wasnt mad at someone or rejecting them. so i always force myself to believe the mundane solution, which helps me not act on any of my feelings.

because even if i really cant believe it in the moment, i can act like i do. so say someone hasnt talked to me and i feel like theyre rejecting me, i tell myself its just because theyre busy and not because theyre mad and force myself to act accodingly. i message them a normal amount and i dont mention my feelings or suspicions and then eventually they always talk to me again like normal and then i can be like “see, eveyrthing was fine and we were just being crazy. glad i didnt do anything about it”

only act on direct information, never assumptions. i act like nothing is wrong until someone directly tells me it is, because i dont live in their head and i cant read their thoughts. i dont truly know how they’re thinking and feeling until they tell me. (and for all u other aspd and npd assholes out there NO U DONT. genuinly and honestly. people are always capable of surprising us and even when we think we have them nailed and know exactly what their thinking, even if were right, u cannot just assume someones thoughts and take it as fact. its disordered and unhealthy and u need to stop doing it if u want better relationships with others) and if they haven’t directly told me something is wrong, then they haven’t communicated properly and that is on them. i dont read into vagueposts or status updates or tweets or level of activity or anything. i notice all of it because my brain is crazy but i force myself to ignore everything except the direct words someone says to me.

is their discord status something super upset that i think vaguely relates to me? that means nothing what was the last thing they said to me? oh that they love me and then we had a totally normal interaction. thats whats the truth, and if they were lying and they actually are mad at me, then thats on them for literally communicating the exact opposite of their feelings.

and lastly, if its people who ur close with, u can also ask for reassurance or validation in a way that doesnt accuse them of doing anything wrong. i will often go to my wife and instead of being like “are u mad at me?” or something i’ll say “im feeling really fragile today can u help reassure me that u love me and that im good?” or “I know u love me but can u tell me again i need to hear it extra today” or if its a friend sometimes i’ll say “hey im feeling kind of insecure and anixious today, when u get a chance could u reassure me that we’re still friends?” or literally just coming in the chat like “hello friends i require validation today” and then people will repsond with emojis and “god mood” and i will feel better

these are good ways to ask for support because they dont put any blame or onus on the other person, its about u and ur feelings, and usually if its people who care about u they’ll have no problem doing that. my friends and i tell eachother very often that we love and care about and genuinly like one another because reassurance and validation is Good and it should be a normal part of ur relationships. (no one insert a screenshot of that time ryo said he was feeling paranoid we hated him so i instantly sent him screenshots of my dms about my crush on him i will skin u)

but yea. those are the main things i do and tell myself and sorry this got so long but i dont know how to explain things like this without a million words lol i hope that made sense and that some of it was helpfull for u

#percieved rejection #npd #bpd #cluster b #actually npd #actually borderline #rejection #insecure attachment #insecure relationships #jack.speaks #anon #sorry this took me so long to answer but i wanted to make sure it made sense and i had a lot to say #clearly lol #long post

70 notes · View notes

nepenthendline · 4 years

Text

Mental Health Headcannons - Tsukishima, Kageyama, Ushijima, Tendou & Bokuto

All these are from my knowledge and based off of each character’s actions haikyuu, this is all my opinion so feel free to discuss other thoughts! I’m happy to talk about each more in depth if anyone would like it :) this is just me projecting my own problems on fictional characters

You can also message me if you wanna talk about these too!!

This is going to be long

TW: Mental health, learning difficulties, eating disorders, self-harm

Tsukishima - Depression, Anxiety & OCD

Tbh someone else (I’ve been trying to find their username to tag them but I can’t find it, they’re called something like theguessmonta but idk) has amazing posts about Tsukishima and his mental health which I totally agree with all of it so some of this is going to be pretty similar

I think his mental health problems started when he was quite young, around the time when the Akiteru drama happened so he’s been dealing with these for a while

Having depression can often make a person seem very disinterested/sarcastic/negative as a way of pushing back emotions and self-protection which explains a lot of the way Tsukishima acts towards some people (I have a whole post on how he isn’t just some asshole)

His anxiety stems from a place of terrible self-esteem and self-image, it’s clear to see he has a bad sense of self-worth when he talks about how people are obviously a lot better than him, he’s just there to ‘stop trouble happening’

Tsukki suffers from panic attacks quite regularly (especially when he was a bit younger) but he tends to shut himself off then they happen, he doesn’t want anyone else to see him like that

His anxiety and overthinking is often why he keeps his headphones on him at all times, listening to music helps drown out the sounds around him and those in his head

His OCD got worse over time - first it was things like turning the light switch on and off repeatedly until it felt right, or tapping on his desk before he went to bed, but as his anxiety and self-esteem got worse it developed into him needing himself to be perfect

This included only eating a certain amount of calories a day (no where near the amount he should be eating) or getting a very specific grade on an exam, where even one number over or under set him into a panic

Things got to their worst for Tsukki around the age of 13 - this is where he was much too underweight and self-harming on his hips (so no one else could see)

Probably also thought about suicide a couple times around this point

He has tried a couple different types of anti-depressants in the past, however none have seemed to help

He likes a lot of time alone - he gets too overwhelmed dealing with other people

The only person besides his family and Yamaguchi that knows about his OCD is Kageyama - they both noticed each others odd, repetitive habits until Kageyama asked him about it one day, while they don’t get along too well, they feel some comfort in each other understanding their actions

Kageyama - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

wow what a smooth segue

this boy is like a walking definition of ASD - coming from a person with ASD

Kageyama was diagnosed with Type 1/High-functioning Autism when he was very young (probably around 3-5 years old)

He struggles with social interaction, knowing what to say to people and most importantly, how to say it, e.g. when he smiles people often think he looks angry

Kageyama has never had many, if any, friends before Karasuno, as he has often struggled with conversation and speaking in an inappropriate tone that may make some people uncomfortable or even scared

He isn’t very good when it comes to remembering academic studies but if it relates to his fixations (volleyball) he is extremely intelligent - this is seen clearly when Daichi shows their team hand gestures and Kageyama says he remembered them in a day

Kageyama uses masking a lot - it’s a technique people with ASD tend to do which involves copying other peoples actions in order to understand social situations, he does this many times in the anime/manga such as his awkward BBQ song dance, or high-fives

He visited a social worker once a week while he was little until he started middle school, resulting in his behaviours getting worse

Towards the end of his first year at Karasuno he went back to therapies regularly and has anger-management training in order to help him express himself in a manageable way - he probably won’t admit it but it helps a lot (key note is that having anger-management training often does not have anything to do with anger, simply just managing emotions in general but it often a great type of therapy for those with ASD although he is a bit of an angry boi sometimes)

ASD comes with repetitive, almost OCD-like tendencies - two examples include filing his nails every single day and having a very specific routine before going to bed that consists of drinking milk, putting on pjs, laying in bed and throwing + catching a ball, brushing his teeth and going to bed on his left side - if he doesn’t do these things at the right times/in the right order, he gets extremely anxious and agitated

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Ushijima - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

autism buds with kageyama

I kid thats probably a bad idea

Ushijima was also diagnosed with Type 1/High-Functioning Autism when he was 5

Unfortunately due to the stigma around Autism, his family (besides his father) were not very accepting of this and he was put into therapy at a young age

While this was actually helpful for him, his family insisted his therapies should ‘cure’ him and were dismissive of the many times a doctor told them that ASD is not a curable disorder

Outside of therapy he does not receive much support from his family, except his father who got him a pair of noise-cancelling headphones he used to wear until he 8 whenever they went out together - he was only allowed to wear them if it was just him and his father, the rest of his family thought it made it too obvious there was ‘something wrong with the child’

Extending on this, Ushijima was very sensitive to sensory input as a child, and while he still is, it has become easier to manager as he has gotten older

His ASD is most prevalent in his lack of understand ways of communication, such as sarcasm or jokes, and tends to take things very literally

@simp4satori and I came to the conclusion that if you were to call him daddy during sex, or ask him to ‘punish you’ the poor boy would have NO CLUE - would probably call your dad and tell him you needed to speak to him, or say you can’t watch anime for a week lol

He is extremely direct when he talks, to the point where it comes across rude or hurtful but he doesn’t realise this until someone mentions it

Tendou probably helps him rephrase things from time-to-time in order for him to get his point across

He gets very anxious when faced with things he doesn’t know about or understand (this is mentioned by Tendou in the manga), this can include people, going to new places or trying new foods

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Tendou - Depression and Anxiety (also a highly sensitive person - that’s not a mental health disorder or illness but it does affect him)

Tendou’s mental health suffered from a young age due to bullying in school

This caused a lot of low self-esteem and low mood, and he was later on diagnosed with depression and anxiety

Only his family, Ushijima and his coach know about this, and even then, only his family know any details

No one would really expect Tendou to deal with such mental health issues as he always keeps a bubbly, happy persona around others - he doesn’t want people to think he is weak or cowardly

It is also hard for others to see and he is someone with high-highs and low-lows, so when he is happy or excited his emotions are quite extreme

Tendou’s anxiety relates a lot to his image, mainly his appearance and the way he acts, but he is also a general over thinker

He doesn’t have panic attacks as often as Tsukishima does, however they do happen occasionally when things just get too much

He often thinks that people are staring at him, or talking about him whenever he goes out, and he tends to hid this by seeming overly cocky or sardonic

When his depression hits, he tends to just feel sad or hopeless instead of numb, which tends to trigger his anxiety too

Tendou used to self-harm often around his hips/thighs however he hasn’t done so since the end of his first year of high-school

Probably makes a lot of dark ‘jokes’, especially around suicide and people semi are like ‘...dude...you ok?’ and he’s just like ‘hahaha yeah im fine what’

He doesn’t like alone time too much as he tends to get trapped in his own thoughts

As expected of the guess monster, he is extremely good at reading and understanding people, which is how he finds it easier to help and communicate with Ushijima

Bokuto - ADHD

A lot of people at Fukurodani think Bokuto is just stupid, however he actually has ADHD

He was diagnosed a lot later than the rest at 12 years old

Bokuto tends to struggle with his studies as his attention-span is very low and can get distracted easily - either by things in the classroom or his own thoughts

He’s very forgetful, often forgetting his lunch at home or forgetting to do/bring in his homework, and this goes into volleyball too where he forgets how to do certain moves

Taking exams are the worst for Bokuto, he hates having to be still and quiet for such a long time and is very sensitive to little sounds or movements that distract his attention - you’ll often find his bouncing his leg or fiddling with his pen

He tends to butt into conversations or interrupt people when they are talking, he just gets a bit too enthusiastic to share his thoughts

He has extreme mood-swings too which we see often in the anime, especially when he is stressed or someone mentions his behaviours

Is very reckless - Akaashi has probably had to stop him from leaning too far out the window and almost falling to look something

The whole Fukurodani volleyball team are aware of his ADHD and do their best to help him and make him feel comfortable or accepted

They are the only people allowed to call him stupid - they will fight anyone else

I think there are more characters with mental health illnesses or disorders, such and Yamaguchi, Yachi, Kenma and Asahi having anxiety so I might write more at some point!

#jesus that was long #haikyuu #ushijima wakatoshi #kageyama tobio #tsukishima kei #bokuto koutaro #Tendou satori #Tendo Satori #headcannon #mental health #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu!!

292 notes · View notes