#is a book damaged and in bad shape bc this person loved it so much they carried it everywhere? or like

[watcherintheweyr]

'Rhaenyra is a bad mom bc she knowingly gave birth to bastards and she knew how much danger they'd be in!!!!'

1. She had no way of knowing those babies wouldn't pop out looking exactly like her, beforehand. And unfortunately she couldn't stop at Jace. The throne needed an heir. Driftmark needed an heir. And a spare was needed as well, given the sheer rate of Targaryen children dying untimely deaths.

2. She had to provide heirs to the throne, and to Driftmark. If she hadn't, society wouldn't have blamed Laenor, they would have blamed her- which makes her position even more unstable, bc then she 'can't fulfill a woman's duty' so why would men think her 'able' to fill a 'man's role' by ruling the kingdom? And she and Laenor tried. He was either unable (meaning infertile or impotent, or unable to get it up), or unwilling. (And they did try. We dont know what they tried but Rhaenyra is shown to be clever in the show so honestly i have no doubt she attempted what Margaery suggested with Renly.) Laenor was in on the entire thing. He was aware of every part of this. He wasn't duped, he wasn't cuckholded- it was a plan greenlit by him, bc this way he and Rhaenyra would both have their heirs and a family. This cannot in any way shape or form be compared to Cersei cuckholding Robert (fuck Robert Baratheon tho), seeing as Robert was **not** at all aware that his children weren't his, and wouldn't have been OK with that.

Either way- she chose not to maritally r*pe her husband and put him through more trauma after it was clear their attempts weren't working. Yall are always so upset for Alicent (rightfully so, bc show!alicent was maritally raped, even if it wasn't considered as such in that time), but you... WANT Rhaenyra to do that to Laenor? Hello???

[And no. Rhaenyra did NOT rape or coerce Criston Cole. The actors, writers, and directors have all stated their sex was consensual and 'an act of love.' It was Rhaenyra going to someone she felt close to and trusted after feeling abandoned and unwanted and betrayed. In that scene you literally watch, as after Cole tells Rhaenyra to stop undressing herself, she moves aside so she isn't blocking his way to the door. The director states that the moment they show Cole folding and setting down his cloak was him choosing his desire over his oaths. And Criston Cole has known Rhaenyra since she was 14. He knew damn well the sort of person she was- and she was not the person who would have harmed him for saying no. She was an intoxicated and emotionally vulnerable 19 year old- Criston was in his late 20s to early 30s. And it's explicitly stated in ep.9 that the ONLY person a Kingsguard cannot refuse is the king. In ep.7 Criston disobeys a direct order from Alicent when she wants him to mutilate Lucerys. Criston Cole was not assaulted. Stop trying to assign Aegon's sins to Rhaenyra so that you can feel better for supporting him.]

3. In the books, the rumors of their bastardry at large halted when all of Rhaenyra's boys' cradle eggs hatched. The ONLY people who continued to try and raise issue were the core green faction. But the realm at large *did not give a fuck* why? Because every actually relevant party claimed those boys. Repeatedly and without flinching. Laenor claimed and loved those boys even face to face with Alicent's bullshit. Corlys claimed and love those boys- he was proud of them, and it's been stated by the actor in the show that Luke was his favorite- that given the... events of ep.10, Corlys will be out for blood. And Viserys repeatedly insisted upon their legitimacy- because Laenor and Corlys claimed them, because he knew that by forcing Rhaenyra to marry Laenor in order to repair the damage his insults caused House Velaryon, that he had backed her into a corner.

Rhaenyras boys are remembered to history as Velaryon. Even **Green supporters** noted that they were good, capable, intelligent, and **worthy** princes. That their deaths were unfortunate *for the realm.*

Legally, those boys are legitimate. They cannot be proven illegitimate without Laenor renouncing them, and he never did. Furthermore, trying to declare children illegitimate due to their appearance is a stupid, dangerous precedent. The fact that it's people who have no ties to House Velaryon pushing these rumors and pushing for disinheritance makes it even worse, because they're meddling in the succession of a House that *is not theirs.* if that became a standard, imagine the feuds and conflicts that would erupt- lords pushing for the children of rivals to be declared illegitimate all for the sake of trying to grasp and steal land, power, and influence as a norm? The realm would tear itself apart. Not to mention the sheer danger that would place women in, in Westeros.

Furthermore, even whilst usurping her, even while calling her children bastards, the Greens also imply Laenor's homosexuality was inherited by the Velaryon princes- that they would use Rhaenyra's 'promiscuity' and Laenor's 'predilections' to turn the Red Keep into a brothel- ironic, considering that's more what Aegon would've done. So even while claiming that Rhaenyras children are bastards that shouldn't inherit, they try to state that what the boys inherit or learn from Laenor makes them unfit for the throne. They can't keep their own damn story straight- because their usurpation was never about what is moral, what is right, or the greater good. It was about greed. Power. Sexism.

It doesn't matter what those boys looked like, especially seeing as Rhaenys had dark hair in the books. What matters is that Corlys and Laenor and Viserys claimed them and declared them legitimate, and that they **never** deviated from that.

As for Vaemond, he was a second son. And he waited until Corlys and Viserys were dying and too ill to stop him to make a grasp for power. Youre not supposed to look at that and feel hes in the right. Youre supposed to look at that and see a man consumed by greed, and literally trying to bury Corlys' will and intentions before the man is even in a grave. He was NEVER Corlys' heir- he just wanted power. It wasn't about his House, or their legacy, it was about him.

(And before yall start shit about Rhaenyras boys stealing Laena's girls' inheritance... Rhaena and Baela are *TARGARYEN*. Not Velaryon. Their claim was to the throne or to any holdings in Daemon's name. NOT to Driftmark.)

Rhaenyras boys being betrothed to Rhaena and Baela tied up any issue of 'Velaryon blood.' Baela would have been queen consort of the seven kingdoms at Jace's side, and they very clearly adored one another in book and show. Rhaena would have been Lady of the Tides- which she never would have had a chance for, without Rhaenyra (and Laena) making those betrothals. She and Luke were also canonically very close- and in show she's very encouraging of him whenever he looks nervous or uncertain. They had a bond.

Rhaenyra stole nothing. She gave those girls more. And she loved them- they were the only daughters she got to have, seeing as the Greens treachery caused the early death of baby Visenya. If she hadn't loved them, she wouldn't have trusted Rhaena to look after Joffrey or give her Morning's egg from Syrax. She wouldn't have immediately invited both girls to the table when she was queen, which is something her father did not do for her until much, much later. He allowed Rhaenyra's voice to be silenced too often when she was first made heir. Rhaenyra did not repeat that hurt to her girls or her boys.

Anyways, moving on.

You lot do also remember that Rhaenyra herself has Velaryon blood, right? Jaehaerys I's mother was Alyssa Velaryon. Aegon, Rhaenys, and Visenya the Conquerors' mother was Valaena Velaryon. It's not immediate, but there *is* Velaryon blood through *all* of Rhaenyras boys.

Ultimately, Rhaenyras boys were only in danger because of the core Green faction usurping the throne. If they hadnt- no succession crisis or rebellion could have truly threatened Rhaenyras boys- because none of them would have had dragons. All of Rhaenyras children loved one another- her sons by Daemon would not have turned on her sons with Laenor (and Harwin). They were a true, loving family- possibly one of the healthiest and most close knit one House Targaryen ever boasted.

And another thing... 'her having babies with Harwin was stupid, she should have picked someone Valyrian!'

Here's the thing. Rhaenyra had to be careful as hell choosing who would father her and Laenor's heirs. She had to choose someone who was physically close, and who could be trusted. Someone who wouldn't try to publicly claim those boys in boast or jealousy. Someone who would keep their mouth shut and had no ambition of their own in regards to the throne. Do you really think Vaemond Velaryon (as I see him suggested a lot) would've kept his mouth shut? That he wouldn't have tried to use this to blackmail Rhaenyra and Laenor for more power and status? Do you think Rhaenys would have ever fought for or supported Rhaenyra if Rhaenyra had tried to have Corlys sire her children? And flying to see Daemon in Pentos and having a purely Valyrian child 9 months later would have made things look even more suspect.

Furthermore... she chose someone who cared for her deeply. Who clearly had a positive relationship with Laenor. She chose someone so she wouldn't have to traumatize herself- she took power over her body in a way almost no Westerosi woman has ever been able to. They were a family unit- Rhaenyra, Laenor, and Harwin. Those children were loved and cherished by two fathers and their mother. They were raised never doubting their mothers love, nor their father's- either father. They were raised and educated to be true, good princes of the realm.

Rhaenyra fought like hell for her children. She was an incredible mother. Yall just believe everything the Green faction says without looking at it critically, and that's unfortunate as hell.

[youunravelme]

nothing happened in the way i wanted part 1

author's note: okay so let it be known that my FAV emily henry book is happy place (if you want a deep dive into my personality, if you want to know the inner workings of my mind, read the book) SO with that being said, this fic was inspired by that masterpiece. plus i've fallen down a matt rabbit hole as of late. just a warning, this is a LONG ass fic (74 pages and 30.3k words, not a brag, i kinda regret that it's this long bc my brain hurts) so pace yourselves okay? thank you for being the kindest people ever!! this is finished, but tumblr said what i wrote is too long. so i'm posting it in parts lolol.

summary: a year has passed and you are no closer to understanding why matt ended things and you have every plan of avoiding that thought until he comes back in town for the offseason, then suddenly he's everywhere.

pairing: matthew tkachuk x reader

warnings: ANGST, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, mention of sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, drinking, depression, panic attacks, let me know if i missed something!

after

despite being back in st. louis for six months, summer still felt like it came too fast. your thighs started sticking to the seats from sweat about three weeks ago. summer used to be your favorite season because it meant you had unlimited access to the love of your life, you weren’t sharing him with his teammates or his crazy schedule.

but he wasn’t yours anymore. matthew hadn’t been yours in six months and some change.

the second you entered your parents’ home, you tossed your keys into the bowl and slid your shoes off. it’d been six months since you moved home, and it still didn’t feel like a space where you belonged. you walked into the living room without so much as a hello from either of your parents, both of whom were posted up on the couch. they weren’t talking to each other, just letting the noise from the news fill the room instead of conversation.

“hey,” you greeted, plopping down in the recliner.

“how was work?” your mom asked.

you shrugged, not quite having the words to convey how mundane it had been. you were working on restoring a piece for this rich couple who lived in the same neighborhood as the tkachuks. it wasn’t in too bad of shape, given the fact that you were the one entrusted to work on it. if it was actually something incredibly complicated, your boss would’ve found someone else more experienced to do it.

when you entered art restoration and conservation, you thought it would be mindless. art had always been an escape for you, a chance to remove yourself from your racing thoughts. you thought that by entering the art conservation field, you could add onto something, enhance the beauty that was lost over the years of damage, instead of creating something from your own experiences.

but no one told you how hard it would be after your breakup, that you would have to learn how to pour bottles of chemical solvent into a glass when your eyes were blurring with tears. no one said anything about how you would spend hours hunched over, fixing the problems in paintings that only served to remind you that while you could mend a masterpiece, you were unable to stop and patch up the problems in your relationship. no one spoke about how you would inevitably relate to the paintings that came to you in shambles, the only difference being that clients would pay thousands of dollars for their paintings to be restored to their former glory, your ex let you fall apart alone in a city where you had no friends outside of the ones you’d made through him.

but how could you communicate that to your mother? to your father? both of whom stayed in an unhappy marriage for the sake of optics? how could you tell them that it’s been months and you were still no more over your ex than the day it ended? how could they understand you? they stayed together out of convenience, out of a fear of ending their marriage only to never find someone else.

it had been six months since your relationship ended, and you were no closer to understanding why.

“just a mundane day,” was all you said instead. “nothing to write home about.”

both of your parents hummed.

“did you have dinner already?” you asked.

“was gonna order pizza,” your dad said.

your mother scoffed and rolled her eyes. “no alan, we had plans to see chantal and keith tonight for dinner.”

you wanted to throw up.

you weren’t sure what you were expecting, maybe some loyalty from your parents? though, they weren’t fully privy to all the information about the demise of your relationship with matt, so maybe you couldn’t expect them to stop hanging out with his parents, especially when said parents were such great people.

“oh,” was all you could say.

“you’re more than welcome to order takeout and watch a movie,” your mom commented, like you needed permission to make yourself at home when you were actively living there. “i’m sure ronald would appreciate your company.”

you glanced at the tabby cat who was perched on his cat tree. personally, you had no issue with ronald, but he liked your mom and your mom only. though on occasion, he would allow your dad to pet him. 

“i’ll figure something out,” you said.

your mom hummed before she stood up to go get ready while your father stayed on the couch. it was only another ten minutes before he got up to change quickly, and another five before they left the house without so much as a goodbye.

before

you were incredibly aware that you didn’t quite fit in. your mom drove you to school in a beat up 1997 toyota camry which looked incredibly out of place among the bmws and audis. your mom offered to walk you in, but she was wearing her scrubs from her night shift and her face looked tired, so you declined the offer and got out of the car yourself.

it shouldn’t have been as daunting as it was, but your old school wasn’t as prestigious as this one. your previous schools in cedar rapids had been public schools. no one was wearing a uniform, and most of the backpacks worn came from the same walmart in your old neighborhood. 

but your parents had decided they wanted a better education for you, even if neither of them had the money to fork out thousands of dollars for a private school. your mom’s parents, however, were loaded. they were more than willing to fork out a small fortune for your schooling under the conditions of your family uprooting your lives to missouri. you were too young to realize what a sacrifice that was, you didn’t notice the snide comments your grandparents made about your father’s choice of career or your mother’s choice in husband.

you didn’t see your grandparents any more than you usually did since you’d moved to missouri two weeks ago. they’d been out of town on a trip to rome up until three days ago and hadn’t reached out to have dinner or hang out at all.

not that you cared at the age of nine, you were more focused on unpacking your room. but now that you were standing in front of the giant school alone, you felt like you should’ve been more concerned with how nice your school supplies were.

a kind woman greeted you at the entrance of the school. she smiled and introduced herself, though you couldn’t hear her over the roaring in your ears. she stood next to a blond haired blue eyed boy who was your height.

“are your parents here?” you weren’t sure how you heard her over the noise in your head.

you shook your head. “my mom had to go home and my dad is at work.”

the woman blinked. “is today your first day?”

“mom, it’s everyone’s first day of school,” the boy groaned.

“i wasn’t talking to you, matthew,” she said, though her eyes never left your own.

“i just moved here,” was all you said, albeit a bit quietly. 

“well, you can walk in with us.” She placed a warm hand on your back and ushered you inside next to her son.

you took notice of her nicer clothing compared to your mom’s scrubs or your dad’s tattered khakis, though the woman’s clothing wasn’t as ostentatious as other parents’.

“do you know your teacher’s name?” the woman asked.

you nodded and showed her the crumpled paper in your hand. the night before, you were wracked with nerves and wrote your teacher’s on a blank sheet of paper and doodled around it. even at nine years old, you were concerned that you’d somehow forget. you couldn’t be more grateful for it now.

the woman’s face lit up. “oh how lucky! matthew look! you’re in the same class.”

matthew for his part, tried to look happy about it, but his eyes kept wandering to the hallways, like he was looking for people he knew. you felt bad for even being in this situation. you missed your friends from iowa and the light up shoes you used to wear before you were given a uniform.

matthew’s mom pointed out the classroom that was supposed to be yours and walked both you and matthew into the room. unlike her son, who immediately found his friends to do elaborate handshakes with, you stayed by her side. she was a stranger, sure, but she was more comforting that the classroom of fifteen other nine and ten year olds.

the woman sighed and bent down a little to look you in the eyes. “it’s gonna be a good day, sweetheart,” she said. “mr. terry is a great teacher, he’s really kind.” you weren’t sure how she would know that, but you weren’t going to call her a liar. “and if you need anything, ask matthew. he’s been going here since kindergarten, okay?”

you nodded.

mr. terry walked over and introduced himself. he had dark skin and a bright smile, showing you to your seat. your name was on a card with fun stickers on it. next to your seat, you saw matthew’s name. now it wasn’t necessarily an unpopular name, there were three matthews in your third grade class, so you weren’t holding out hope that it was going to be the matthew you walked into class with. but two minutes later, he was plopping down into the seat to your left.

matthew looked almost startled to see you sitting next to him, but when the shock wore off he gave you a crooked smile and stuck his hand out. “i’m matt,” he said, like you two didn’t walk into class together.

you shook his hand anyway and gave him a shy smile and told him your name, just in case he didn’t see it written on your desk.

if it was even possible, his smile widened. “pretty name,” he said.

after

you’d watched a movie and half of another one by the time your parents walked through the front door. ronald jumped off the couch to greet your mother while he ignored your father.

“oh,” your dad said. “you’re still up.”

“i’m about to go to bed,” you replied, though you didn’t move from the couch.

“dinner was great,” your mom commented. “chantal and keith said to tell you hello.”

your gut twisted at the mention of their names. you loved his family, you really did, but the mention of the family that was almost yours stung when you looked at how your parents acted like roommates on the best of days.

you remembered summer days spent in the tkachuks’ backyard, watching as matt and brady chased each other while taryn tried her best to keep up. you remembered your dad picking you up from their house, and how you begged the entire ride home for a little brother or sister. he looked at your through the rearview mirror and said “we already achieved perfection, why mess that up?”

but you were grown now. you saw how their marriage barely survived raising you, and they were probably being smart by not risking your upbringing just to have another child.

you bid your parents goodnight and headed up the stairs to your childhood bedroom. it looked less like the office it was converted into when you moved out originally. you didn’t fault your parents for taking advantage of your absence, you, like many people your age, had zero intentions of ever moving back in until an unfortunate set of circumstances happened to you.

and that’s what life had felt like lately:

unfortunate.

unfortunate shit just happening to you.

it wasn't late by any means, but you were surprised when your phone vibrated with a text message. maybe it was the fact that you hadn’t really befriended anyone since moving back that had you flinching at the shock of someone other than your parents (or grandparents) texting you.

you unlocked your phone and opened the message, sighing when you read its contents.

emma:

hey girl! just checking in to see if you’re still good for this weekend? no worries if you can’t make it!

you dropped the phone on your stomach and groaned into your hands as soon as they made contact with your face.

years of dating matthew meant you’d grown closer to brady and taryn and by proxy, brady’s fiancée, emma. you’d already committed to being a bridesmaid and bought the dress before your relationship with matt ended. when emma found out, she called immediately and gave you an out, said she wouldn’t take it personal, that she understood if it would be too hard.

but you remembered the countless conversations had about planning your weddings while the both of you watched the loves of your lives try not to kill each other from your spots on the back porch. and you could hear it in her voice, how much it meant to her that you would be there even if she didn’t want to push it on you. it didn’t matter that only one of you was getting the wedding you planned. the bets made on who’d get married first were obsolete now.

you wanted to text her back and say you were busy, but you hadn’t seen her much since her and brady came back in town. when the senators’ season ended in april, he and emma spent some time with her family and attended the playoff games for the panthers. now that the panthers’ season ended two weeks ago, all of the tkachuks were back in town which used to excite you.

now it just filled you with dread.

no, it’s not like you lived in the same tax bracket as matt’s family. you didn’t go to the same grocery stores unless you were tagging along. no, there was a comfortable distance between your neighborhoods and st. louis was filled with two million other people that the odds of running into him were slim.

but your anxiety preferred zero odds rather than a slight chance, and it made the logic that was once screaming at you sound like a small whisper.

you sucked it up anyway, though. seeing emma and the other bridesmaids was better than staying in your room and staring at the ceiling.

you:

i’ll be there! can’t wait!!!

and maybe you used too many exclamation points. maybe you were trying too hard to prove something no one would believe if they took longer than a split second glance at your face. you were a horrible liar, that hadn’t changed. you were just hoping by the time the weekend came around, you’d be too busy to focus on any of the pain.

before

the summer after keith retired, the tkachuks took you and your family on vacation with them to turks and caicos. your parents were stressed initially about the trip, but you were filled with nothing but excitement at leaving the landlocked state you called home.

missouri had slowly wormed its way into your heart. when your family moved, there was never a thought in your mind that you would ever come to love it like you did with cedar rapids. there was no way you’d ever consider this place your home. but then you met the tkachuks.

it’d been nearly three years since you’d first sat in that seat next to your best friend in mr. terry’s fourth grade class. now, you were splashing around in the waves with matt and brady while your parents looked from the shore.

school had been different the past two years, with matthew going to an all boys school after fifth grade while you stayed. it took some adjusting to being without him the entire school day. you didn’t want to think of yourself as codependent, or clingy, but mat was your best friend. it was an adjustment, having to make new friends in the same school.

now that wasn’t to say that you never saw matt. after your initial introductions, chantal offered to take you to and from school if your mom or dad dropped you off at their house in the morning. both of your parents jumped at the idea. your mother, who worked as a night shift ICU nurse, reveled in being able to go home and go straight to sleep. your father, whose job as an electrician required him to be on job sites early in the morning, didn’t mind it either, he had to be up early anyway.

and sure, you had to wake up earlier than you used to, but you got to eat breakfast and pretend like you were a tkachuk most days of the week (with the exception of the days your mom was off). keith would ruffle your hair as he passed you in the kitchen. taryn would race matthew for the seat next to yours.

the tkachuks felt more like your family than your own some days.

especially now when your parents went on a date that keith and chantal paid for while they stayed back at the beach house with you and their children. 

all six of you were seated around the coffee table with the game of life laid out in front of you. the evening started out with a game of uno, but that game got out of hand quickly. it took brady reversing the order and hitting matt with a draw four before your best friend lunged over the table to tackle his brother. while keith broke up the boys, chantal cleaned up uno and instructed you and taryn to pick out the least competitive game you could find.

which is how you ended up playing the game of life.

even though life had to be the least competitive game you knew, matt and brady still managed to argue over it, even going as far to rant about how unfair it was that they had to pay for home insurance. keith and chantal had just chuckled and told them to enjoy childhood while it lasted.

you found yourself smiling and laughing along.

you weren’t quite sure who won, or how anyone ever really wins the game of life, but the moment mattered more. taryn went upstairs with keith to get ready for bed while brady helped his mom in the kitchen pop a bag of popcorn. you and matthew were responsible for cleaning up the game.

“are you having fun?” he asked.

your smile was so wide, it hurt your cheeks. “i’m having the best time. this is by far the best vacation i’ve been on.”

“really?” he smiled.

you nodded emphatically. “most of my family vacations have been spent with my grandparents.”

matt grimaced, already aware of the testy relationship your mom had with her own parents. “when’s the last time you saw them?”

you had to think for a moment, while your grandparents technically lived in st. louis, they were often out of town or ignoring your family’s existence altogether. with the exception of the last saturday of every month, when you and your parents were practically obligated to eat dinner with them. you didn’t notice their judgmental comments when you were younger and mesmerized by the giant dollhouse they bought for you.

but you were older now. you knew that there were terms and conditions attached to the cellphone they bought for you on your twelfth birthday. you heard the disdain in their voices when they talked down to your father and mother for their life choices. you weren’t an idiot, you understood that every compliment they gave you was a way for them to make your parents feel inferior in comparison.

you weren’t a child to them, you were a pawn in a game you never asked to play.

“we saw them about a month ago?” you shrugged. “they’re on vacation until halfway through august.”

matt hummed. “i think we’re gonna visit mom’s parents before school starts back again.”

to your credit, you did your best to look happy for him, even if it meant that you wouldn’t see him for a week and a half. you had other friends in town! in fact, you befriended a girl named simone when you started middle school. maybe you could call her when you get back to st. louis?

evidently, your little act wasn’t convincing enough. matt nudged your shoulder with his. “you’ll be fine,” he said. “you’re probably annoyed from how much time we’ve spent together this summer. you need a break.”

you couldn’t help but smile. “i could never get tired of you, matty.”

he blinked, almost at a loss for words, it felt like. but you should’ve known better, because he was holding up his pinky a beat later. “you promise?”

you locked your fingers together. “promise.”

after

it’s just emma and her friends and taryn, you thought. you already know all of these people. there’s no reason to be stressed out.

which, to be fair, your inner monologue was right. you had absolutely no reason to be standing in front of your closet debating what to wear for as long as you had. 

before you could stop yourself, you were hitting emma’s contact and putting your phone on speaker. the dial tone rang out through the room while you waited for her to pick up. you were seconds away from ending the call when her phone sounded through the receiver.

“hey! what’s up?”

you exhaled. “i don’t know what to wear tonight.”

emma said your name through a laugh. “we’re not going anywhere fancy, i swear. it’s just dinner and then we’re going to a bar.”

you frowned. “so taryn’s not joining us after dinner?”

“no, she has other plans after dinner anyway. she said she was meeting up with some friends from high school.” as if she could see the hesitance on your face, emma spoke up again. “but you know all the other girls, it’s not like you’ll be hanging out with strangers.”

and she was right, you were in a groupchat with the other bridesmaids and found all of them to be quite pleasant.

“look, if you’re still stressed about what to wear, just wear jeans.”

“okay, but how nice is this restaurant?” you were rummaging through your closet. “because i’ve worn jeans to restaurants that weren’t supposed to be fancy and i found myself criminally underdressed.”

“yeah well, i’m better at communicating than matt is.” a gasp sounded through the receiver, like emma had just realized what she said. “oh my god, i’m so sorry—”

“it’s fine, you’re not wrong,” you said, forcing out a laugh even as your heart painfully squeezed in your chest.

“i really didn’t mean to,” she sighed. “i’m sorry, that was rude of me to bring up.”

you shook your head even though she couldn’t see you. “it’s fine, emma, i swear,” you said even though there were tears pricking in your eyes. “i’ll have to face the music eventually.”

“still, it was insensitive of me to say that.”

you cleared your throat. “don’t worry about it, i’m a big girl.” you pulled the phone away from your face so you could sniffle for a second without drawing any unnecessary attention. “so jean shorts tonight?” you asked.

there was a brief silence before you heard emma’s soft sigh over the phone. “that sounds perfect.”

before

matthew kissed you for the first time when you were hanging out with mutual friends after school in eighth grade. you’d been dreaming about that moment for years ever since sixth grade when you realized matt was handsome and the flutters in your stomach weren’t just from nerves anymore.

both of you were at your friend morgan’s house sitting in her basement. she happened to live in the same neighborhood as matt. so after school, you rode home with the tkachuks like you always did and then walked to her house.

morgan was the first of your friends to get a boyfriend and she wasn’t shy about telling everyone. it was easy to be jealous of her. while you hadn’t known her as long, your other friends had made it clear she’d garnered male attention since preschool. so there was no surprise that she’d announced at school earlier that week that she was dating someone from matt’s school.

hence the party in the basement.

morgan was the one who suggested truth or dare. she had all ten of you circle up on the carpet and sit criss crossed. you were keenly aware of how matt’s knee was touching your own, you could feel the heat even through your jeans. he was leaning back on his hands, with his right hand directly behind your back,in your delusions, you let yourself pretend he was doing it to be closer to you.

“alright!” morgan cheered. “who wants to start?”

no one said a word.

you made the mistake of looking around when you caught morgan’s eye. at the sight of a growing smirk on her lips, you quickly diverted your gaze.

“c'mon, no one wants to go first?” she hummed. “fine, i’ll go. babe,” she started calling thomas babe a week ago. “ask me, truth or dare?”

the only word you could use to describe the look on thomas’ face was besotted. without hesitating, he asked her the question, smiling when she grinned back at him. morgan chose dare, because she wasn’t “boring and lame.”

thomas dared her to kiss him. there was a collective groan when she leaned over and kissed her boyfriend. the second she pulled back, morgan’s eyes flitted over the rest of the group, looking like a tiger about to pounce. the two of you made eye contact and the corner of her lips raised in a smirk that was gone as quick as it came.

you prepared yourself for the worst, recalling how you let it slip that you have a crush on matt. and morgan, while she wasn’t intentionally cruel, had all but shrieked when you told her. so you didn’t think she’d out you to be mean, you wouldn’t put it past her to attempt matchmaking.

but her eyes skipped right over you and focused on simone. “truth or dare?”

“truth,” simone replied.

morgan rolled her eyes. “nerd,” but she cracked a smile anyway.

the game went on pretty effortlessly, you even got brave enough to do a dare (thankfully morgan never got the opportunity to ask you). it ended with morgan asking matthew. the smirk she had earlier, appeared as she made eye contact with you before setting her sights on your best friend.

“truth or dare?” she asked.

you immediately knew which option he was picking, matt never backed down from a challenge and had been choosing dare all night.

“matthew, i dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.”

your stomach dropped as did your gaze. you couldn’t look anyone in the eye, you didn’t want to see matt kiss another girl, you couldn’t. you wouldn’t do it.

a moment passed when you realized matt hadn’t moved an inch. he was still leaning on his hands, with one stretched behind you. all it took was a quick glance at matt to see him already staring back at you.

“no,” he said, eyes still locked on your face.

morgan blinked. “what?”

it was only then that his eyes left your face to look morgan dead in the eye. “nope. i won’t do it.”

she guffawed. “but you have to!”

matt shrugged. “i don’t want to.”

“but you lose if you don’t!”

he shrugged yet again. “oh well.”

your head snapped up to look at him in confusion. “matt,” you nudged him.

“we gotta go anyway,” he said, before he stood up and reached out to you. you took his hand, albeit hesitantly before he dragged you up the stairs and out of the house onto the street.

a cool breeze was blowing which inadvertently caused you to shiver. matt, who still hadn’t let go of your hand, tugged you further into his side. your heart sank when he dropped your hand, only for it to skyrocket when he threw his arm around you.

“why didn’t you do the dare?” you asked. the curiosity was killing you, even if you believed the real answer would be even worse than not knowing.

matt shrugged like he had been all night. “i didn’t feel like it.”

you blinked at him, staring at his profile while he guided the two of you back to his house. “you’re literally the most competitive person i know. you’ve never intentionally lost a game. last week brady dared you to drink that gallon of milk and run a mile, which, if i must remind you, you threw up not even halfway through.”

matt laughed. “that was funny. but what’s your point?”

“my point is that kissing someone is way less work than running a mile and throwing up. so what’s up?”

he wouldn’t look at you, his gaze fell to the ground where he kicked a rock. “didn’t want it to happen like that.”

you blinked at him, refusing to move your gaze from his profile. “didn’t want what to happen like that? it’s just a kiss.”

he shook his head and stopped walking, grabbing your wrist when you kept moving. matt tugged your arm so you’d turn around and look at him. “it wouldn’t be just a kiss,” he said.

“would it mean more?” you asked, but he didn’t say anything. “matt?” your heart was beating against your chest. your hands shook at the idea of him wanting to kiss someone. you went through the list of people in that room. it wasn’t morgan, he’d told you weeks ago that he didn’t like her like that when you asked. could it be simone? she looked like a goddess on a bad day. her dark skin was flawless and free of blemishes and her faux locs were always perfectly styled. she didn’t even wear makeup on a regular basis.

oh god. did he like simone?

your gut twisted at the idea, of him falling in love with the closest friend you had at school. you could learn to be happy for them, simone was great and matt would adore her if she agreed to go out with him.

you snapped back into it when you felt matt’s thumb rub across your pulse. “matt, would it mean more?”

he shrugged again, still not looking at you, just the part where your hands were joined. “would it be a problem if it did?”

now it was your turn to be confused. “why would my opinion matter? i’m not the one you’d be kissing.”

matt blinked at you once, then twice. “you can’t be serious,” he said.

“what do you mean?”

“you can’t be that blind. there’s no way.”

“matt, what are you talking about?”

he dropped your hand to run both of his over his face and groaned. “there's no way you don’t know.”

“know what?”

matt fixed you with an intense look, one that had you squirming in your shoes a little. in all your years of friendship, you weren’t sure he'd ever stared at you that way before. a hockey game? sure, but you?

“matt what—”

“i like you,” he said as plain as day, like he didn’t just flip your world on its axis.

you blinked, you were pretty sure you stopped breathing. “what?” you whispered.

matt stepped closer to you, close enough that your shoes were touching. “i like you.”

“so why didn’t you kiss me when morgan dared you to?”

“i didn’t want it to happen like that,” he admitted. “didn’t wanna kiss you in front of everybody.”

you could feel the heat travel up your neck and to your cheeks. “and what about now? would you kiss me now?”

“would you let me?”

words failed you, you could only nod. matt hesitated for a moment before pressing his lips to yours. it was clumsy and awkward, and in the middle of the sidewalk two blocks away from his house.

but it was perfect.

after

you ubered to the restaurant before emma could suggest meeting at the tkachuk house. every single one of the bridesmaids knew you and matt were no longer together, all of them banding around you and offering support from thousands of miles away. so you didn’t think any of them would even hint at meeting at the tkachuk residence if they were as considerate as you believed them to be, but you wanted to avoid the sympathetic looks that would be thrown your way.

most of the bridesmaids were there by the time you arrived, the only exception being taryn. the entire table greeted you with bright white smiles, emma stood to give you a hug that you enthusiastically returned.

it felt great to be back in the company of people your age. despite being back in st. louis for quite some time, you still had yet to make any more friends outside of emma and taryn, both of whom you didn’t see that often because of who they were relationally attached to.

unfortunately, you’d lost contact with many of your friends from high school because of the distance. if you could go back, you’d slap yourself in the face for thinking matt was going to stick around longer than simone or morgan.

but how were you to know he would leave and wouldn’t want you to follow him?

you swallowed that question down and took a seat at the table. you sat next to a brunette named stacey, the other seat on your right was left for taryn, you assumed. there were already two bottles of wine sitting in a bucket of ice on the table. part of you considered pouring yourself a glass immediately, but you remembered the plans were dinner first, bar later. so you settled for water.

it was only a matter of maybe ten minutes before taryn was led to your table. you stood up with the rest of the girls and waited your turn to hug her. taryn saved you for last, smiling bright and wide when the two of you finally made eye contact. you squeezed each other tightly as you hugged, unspoken words being communicated.

“now, before anyone looks at the menu, i just wanted to let you know, it’s on brady tonight.” emma held up her hand as mouths began to protest across the table. “he insisted, and we won’t be taking no for an answer.”

and maybe you should’ve protested a little harder to look more sincere, but your job wasn’t paying you well enough to afford a 70 dollar steak and drinks.

the table breaks up into mini conversations while everyone was looking over the menu. you were doing the same when an elbow nudged you from the right. you glanced over at taryn who wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that she wanted your attention, it was something you’d always admired about her.

“long time, no see,” she said. but before you could respond, she spoke up again. “how have you been?”

you shrugged and moved your eyes back to the menu to look busy. “nothing has been going on really, just working.” you cleared your throat and hesitantly made eye contact again. “and you? what have you been up to?”

taryn shifted in her seat, a tell you knew was coming. you weren’t a stranger to where she’d been the past few weeks, you still followed her on instagram, you followed all of the tkachuks on instagram, even matt. so you knew she’d just gotten back after the panthers lost in game five of the finals.

you nudged her with your shoulder and gave her a small smile. “it’s okay, i’m not gonna burst into tears if you mention him.”

taryn smiled. “i’m exhausted, we were traveling everywhere for matt it felt like. it was cutting into my workouts.”

your jaw clenched at the mention of his name, mainly to distract you from feeling the ache in your chest, but you kept a pleasant look on your face anyway. “you still have the rest of the summer for your workouts, though. summer’s barely started.”

taryn nodded but she didn’t say anything for a moment. you started to shift in your seat when she reached a hand out and squeezed your own. “i miss you,” she said sincerely. “it hasn’t been the same without you around.”

“taryn...”

“you know, you’re still in, like, most of our family photos hanging on the wall. mom and dad haven’t taken them down.”

you weren’t sure if that made you happy or brought you pain.

“i begged them not to, you’re in too many memories for us to just forget you.” she cleared her throat and looked back at her menu, giving you a break from the sincere staredown the two of you were having. “they ask about you all the time, but they didn’t want to impose, mom especially. said she’d understand if you never wanted to see them again.”

you tried reading the menu through blurry eyes and pinched your lips together so no one would see them tremble. “i’ve been meaning to get coffee with your mom,” you said, though you both knew it was a lie. you’d made yourself scarce for a reason.

“she’d be happy to see you again, she just didn’t want to overstep.”

you nodded, still not looking at the girl you fully believed would be your sister one day. “i’ll text her.”

the waiter came by moments later to take your orders. thankfully, the tears had cleared up out of your eyes. as soon as you’d cleared your throat, you were telling the server your order without your voice shaking.

you bore the grief well, you thought. you laughed when everyone else did, smiled when appropriate, and asked follow up questions. socializing wasn’t hard, years of galas and charity events as matt’s plus one had trained you well for moments like these, so long as you avoided the eyes of taryn and emma, both of whom knew you better than anyone else at the table.

emma paid with brady’s card like she’d promised earlier. unfortunately for you, that’s when the anxiety started to come back. taryn was leaving after dinner, too young to go to the bars with the rest of you, and according to what emma had told you, she had plans with friends.

the group left together, with taryn waving goodbye as the rest of you headed to a bar three blocks away. your hands were shaking, so you shoved them in your pockets to hide the trembling.

it’d get better once you got a few drinks in you, you told yourself. you’d loosen up soon enough.

emma opened a tab with brady’s card and you immediately started going in. the group started with a round of shots, but you were quickly ordering more than just tequila. it was only a matter of time before your vision started lagging and your brain began buffering to keep up with what was happening.

you were on the dance floor, grinding against a stranger, who thankfully, was keeping their hands to themselves, when emma tugged your arm, giggling. “everyone else has left. and i think it’s time for us to go,” she slurred, a giant smile on her face.

you allowed yourself to be tugged away from the stranger. “how do you know?” you asked, fumbling over your words like trying to catch a bar of soap with wet hands.

emma smiled and pointed at the bar where brady was, you assumed, closing out the tab. seeing him in the flesh had your heart stuttering. the anxiety was kicking back in, hitting harder than it did when you were sober. you hadn’t seen brady since november, or was it december? the months had blurred together just like that one scene from new moon.

but now you were seeing him in the flesh, and he was getting closer as emma tugged you over to where he was. brady was just slipping his card back in his wallet when the two of you got to him. he looked up and smiled at his fianceé before he even realized you were standing there. the lovesick smile dropped but it was quickly replaced with shock before it was transformed into a smile you could’ve painted from memory.

“hey!” he said just loud enough to be heard over the noise. “i didn’t think you were coming tonight.”

if you were sober, you’d see that statement as a warning, preparation for what was to come. you would’ve noticed the way his eyes kept darting to the entrance of the bar, but you didn’t. you were just happy to see him for the first time in a while, feeling the semblance of home you’d been missing for months.

if you were sober, you would’ve remembered that brady and his brother were a package deal. you would’ve known that the nights brady wasn’t spending with emma, he was spending with your ex, and when emma had inevitably texted (or brady offered) her fiancé to pick her up, that he was more than likely already out with his brother celebrating his upcoming nuptials.

if you were sober, you would’ve noticed him walk through the door because your eyes were always drawn to him. you would’ve known it was him by the smell of his cologne, instead of waiting for him to slap his brother on the shoulder in greeting.

if you were sober, you would’ve made a break for it the second he started approaching you, emma, and brady.

but you were drunk off your ass, and all you could do was stand there like a dumbfounded idiot while matthew brendan tkachuk glanced around the room.

brady shifted on his feet a little, bracing for the moment you both knew was coming. the moment where matt saw you for the first time since november 29, when he played calgary. you’d imagine to brady, it felt like watching a car accident happen in real time. to you though, you were the accident. you were the one getting hit by a bus going full speed. you were rooted to the spot, taking in every feature of matt’s face that you’d missed over the last six months, waiting for him to see you.

if you were sober, you would’ve run away by now, knowing that being that close to him would do nothing for you.

but it was too late now.

matt finally glanced at emma, then brady, until his eyes landed on you. the smile on his lips from the song that was bumping through the speakers dropped almost immediately. he recoiled, took a small step back, almost as if he was shocked to see you there at all.

you felt like an idiot.

you weren’t sure how long the two of you stared at each other before you took a deep breath and stared at your shoes.

your hands were shaking again.

you shoved them in your pockets again.

matt’s eyes darted to your shorts at the movement, his eyes scrunched together in what looked like concern, but you brushed that thought off before you could convince yourself he still cared. but you could feel his stare on you, even as you looked around and avoided eye contact. you felt like an ant, with matt’s gaze being the magnifying glass that was burning you with a beam of sunlight.

“do you have a ride home?” brady asked. your head whipped back around to look at him and emma.

you shrugged, already feeling more sober than you were two minutes ago. “was gonna uber.”

matt scoffed. “not happening.”

out of nowhere anger bubbled out of your chest and out of your mouth. “excuse me?”

matt fixed you with a hard stare, one you didn’t shy away from. “you’re not ubering home on a friday night drunk as hell. it’s not happening.”

“i think you lost the right to make my decisions six months ago.” you refused to say his name, refused to know what it felt like to have it back on your tongue even though your heart was crying out to utter those two syllables again.

brady interjected before the disagreement could escalate. “i just wanna make sure you get home safe,” he said. “can i drive you home?”

you glanced at the man you used to know like a little brother. you saw the sincerity in his eyes, the concern.

and maybe it was the love for brady and emma that had you accepting. or maybe it was the alcohol. you nodded your head and let emma lock arms with you as you were led out by the tkachuk brothers.

you found yourself in the backseat where you used to hold hands with matt when you went on double dates with brady and emma. the two of you used to tease the younger couple when they did literally anything romantic. if brady so much as grabbed emma’s hand, the two of you were gagging in the backseat “choking on their pda” all while knowing brady and emma have caught you in more compromising positions before.

but it wasn’t like that this time around.

you slid into your usual seat in the back before emma could offer up shotgun to you. maybe if you were more selfish, you’d accept, but you weren’t going to let your friend sit away from her fiancé when you could just suck it up.

the space between you and matt felt too suffocatingly small and yet it still felt like you were on two opposite sides of the globe. you thought about taking a risk and throwing yourself out of the moving vehicle, but there was still a wedding you were both in. you needed to figure out how to tolerate being around him if you didn’t want to cause a scene later in the summer.

you just had to make it to the end of july, then you could go back and pretend like december 16th never happened, like the past nine years of your life never happened. like you never fell in love with your best friend, like you never met him and his mother in fourth grade, like your parents never moved you to st. louis. like there weren’t traces of your failed relationship in every scrapbook in your parents’ house, like he wasn’t tied to every significant moment of your childhood.

you felt like the bundle of christmas lights that you’d sworn you put back in an orderly fashion the previous year, only to pull them out and realize you had an entire project on your hands to detangle them all.

except in the end, none of the lights worked anyway.

you could hardly remember a time where your life wasn’t deeply intertwined with matthew’s. you thought it’d lead to something, to marriage, to raising kids together, to celebrating his retirement, buying a home close to his family, and growing fat and old together.

you hated the idea that you went down that road only for it to be a dead end.

brady pulled up outside your house. you were unbuckling your seat belt and throwing the door open before he’d even put the car in park. you were doing your best to get to the front porch before anything else happened, but as hard as you tried, you were still a little too drunk. you were stumbling up the driveway and to the front door, all the while trying to figure out which key was the key to your house.

a car door slammed in the distance before footsteps followed.

you knew the sound like you knew the sound of your mother’s sadness. you would’ve recognized his footfalls anywhere.

in your haste and anxiety, you dropped your keys. you squatted down and nearly tipped over at the rush to your head. matt’s hand shot out before you could grab the keys while his other hand grabbed your elbow and pulled you into a standing position. he led you to the front door and with ease, found your house key. he unlocked the door but didn’t move to open it. you could feel his stare on the side of your face, but you refused to look back.

his touch on your skin felt like it was burning, and part of you wanted to rip your arm out of his grasp, but you couldn’t.

you just—

couldn't.

matt said your name quietly, but you just shook your head, willing the tears to go away. he didn’t get to see you cry, didn’t get to know that his actions had absolutely wrecked you. he tried again, but you inhaled and jerked your arm out of his reach before you opened your front door, grabbed your keys, and shut it in his face.

you barely made it into your bathroom before you threw up.

before

you were bouncing on your toes at the airport. matt’s plane landed fifteen minutes ago, and you were anxiously waiting for him to round the corner.

matt’s first year with the ntdp made your relationship a little difficult, though, you thought it would be harder than it was. modern technology definitely made it easier on you. matt would call you just about every other night, and if he couldn’t, matt was texting you whenever he had the freetime.

the last time you saw each other was when you and the tkachuks spent your spring break in ann arbor to visit, and that had been over a month ago. thankfully, you’d managed to convince your mom to let you check out of school early to wait for him.

“someone’s excited,” taryn teased, bumping her shoulder into your side. 

“honey leave her alone,” chantal chided. “we’re all excited.”

“i’m not,” brady grumbled. not even a beat later, keith was slapping the back of his head.

moments later, matt walked around the corner with his bags in hand. you fought every urge to run to him, deciding he probably wanted to greet his family first. and he did, you watched as he hugged his mom and dad first, moving the taryn, before punching brady in the shoulder.

you were nervously playing with the hem of your school issued plaid skirt as you looked on, suddenly feeling out of place. but it didn’t linger because in a blink of an eye, matt’s arms were wrapping around your waist and tugging you into his chest.

a sigh escaped your lips, one you didn’t even know was held hostage in your chest. maybe you were being dramatic (you were almost 16, after all), but it felt like the part of you that was missing was just returned.

“missed you,” he mumbled into your neck.

you couldn’t help the smile that graced your lips.

matt didn’t let go of you, even when everyone started walking towards the car where keith parked. your hand was tightly grasped in his own, forcing brady to carry the other bag matt couldn’t. to make up for it, you offered to sit in the back of keith’s escalade so brady could have more leg room. matt ended up grumbling about it, but it was clear he wasn’t going to let you sit in the back next to taryn when he hadn’t seen you in weeks.

“i ruined my perfect attendance streak for you,” you said as you traced the veins of his hands.

matt smirked. “i messed up little miss perfect’s squeaky clean record? how will you ever get into college now?”

you ripped your hand from his and shoved his shoulder, barely restraining yourself from cussing him out. “shut up,” was what you settled for because while taryn and brady had most definitely heard their fair share of curse words, you didn’t want to be the one on the receiving end of chantal’s disapproving look, even if it meant keith would be fighting for his life to hold back laughter.

all four of you, keith and chantal excluded, all but scrambled out of the car when it pulled into the garage. you and matt grabbed both of his bags before bum rushing into the house and up the stairs to his room.

“leave the door open!” chantal called from the first floor.

you didn’t need to see his face to know matt was rolling his eyes.

“i’m tempted to ignore her and just slam and lock the door,” he grumbled.

you dropped the bag you were holding and guffawed. “you wouldn’t. you love your mom.”

matt dropped his bag and immediately took the opportunity to grab you by the waist. “and i love you.”

you almost giggled, but you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself so you beamed instead. the first time he said those words was a few months ago over facetime and it still made you giddy as it did then.

matt pressed his forehead against yours. “you’re not gonna say it back?” he asked.

you blinked, still smiling. “what?”

“you're not gonna say you love me back?”

you shrugged, knowing it would get under his skin. you knew the consequences. “hm,” you hummed. “do i need to?”

matt rolled his eyes so hard you thought they might’ve gotten stuck in the back of his head. “quit being smart.”

and maybe you should’ve given up, maybe you should’ve let it go and say those three little words you’d said countless times before. but teasing him was way too much fun to pass up when you hadn’t seen him in months. so you pursed your lips and hummed again. “i seem to recall you saying you liked how smart i am. something about being the beauty and the brains?”

and out of nowhere, taryn popped her head in. “well matt for sure wasn’t going to be the beauty, and he’s never been the brains,” she smirked.

matt let go of you and marched over to the door, all but slamming it in her face.

“matthew brendan tkachuk! that door better be open!” chantal’s voice carried up the stairs had you lunging across the room and whipping open the door in a hurry.

“sorry mrs. tkachuk!” you called out before turning around and glaring at your boyfriend. “you’re a menace.”

matthew smirked and pulled you close enough that you were chest to chest. “but you love me.”

“i love you so much.”

after

the hangover you had the next morning was probably the worst you ever remember having. well, until you remembered the night matt broke up with you, that was the worst one.

you turned over in bed, picked up your phone, and saw multiple texts from emma and brady alike, both ranging from “it was great to see you” to “i’m so sorry about last night.” you groaned and dropped your phone back on the nightstand.

last night, when you thought about it, hurt more than it should’ve. you saw him for the first time in the flesh and it looked like he was fine, like he didn’t completely upend your life six months ago when he ended things. part of you wondered if he could see through you, through the illusion of your happiness and to the core where you were just as fractured as you were december 17th. 

the rest of the weekend continued with you doing little to nothing but eating and binging trashy reality tv shows. when your alarm went off on monday morning, you contemplated calling off, but got dressed instead.

“you look like hell,” was the first thing frankie, your mentor and boss, said to you. because of the nature of your relationship, you felt comfortable flipping him off, even as he passed you a cup of coffee. “rough night?” he asked after watching you take a hefty sip of the hot beverage.

“rough weekend,” you grumbled.

frankie gave you a small smile and patted you on the back as the two of you walked to the workspace. “wanna talk about it?”

you recognized performative kindness when you saw it. while you firmly believed frankie cared about you and your wellbeing, you also knew he didn’t want to hear the sob story of how you ran into your ex drunk at a bar, at least, not at 8am. so you shook your head.

“i looked at some of your work on the bradshaw family’s piece so far, and i was impressed. i do have some notes, but for the most part, you’ve been doing a great job.”

you did your best to smile gratefully, but you weren’t sure it translated. “i really appreciate your guidance on this, and the trust you have to let me work on some of these projects.”

“you’re very talented,” he said. “you ever thought about creating something for yourself or someone else?”

there wasn’t a word to describe the noise that came out of your mouth. was it a nervous laugh? a squeak maybe? you didn’t know, and neither did frankie.

“what?” he asked. “why is that so scary?”

you shrugged as the two of you made it to the workspace. normally, you would start by pulling out the supplies you needed to begin working on the bradshaw piece, but if frankie met you at the door, it was because he wanted to have an impromptu meeting first.

“i feel like i’m good at fixing things,” you said. “maybe not creating something from thin air.”

“you have so much talent,” frankie replied. “i hate to see it wasted on fixing and preserving someone else’s work when you could be doing both. it could be your art that people hang in their houses and pay thousands of dollars to preserve.”

you nodded, but kept your eyes on the table, studying the wood grain and tracing the pattern with your finger.

“i don’t think i’m capable of that anymore.”

frankie reached over and squeezed your shoulder. “just think on it, okay? couldn’t hurt to just think on it.” he walked out a moment later, giving you space and time to queue up music and get started on the day.

you opened spotify and pressed the play button on your liked songs without even thinking about it. not even two seconds later, you regretted your decision. the soft tones and beats of frank ocean’s thinkin bout you echoed through the room and slammed against your chest. you immediately switched the song and found a classical playlist to listen to instead.

but the tune wouldn’t get out of your head.

not two minutes later.

not thirty minutes later.

not after your full eight hour shift spent hunched over your workstation.

not even on the drive home.

frank ocean’s voice permeated every fiber of your being.

it was simone who first showed you the song in high school. you remembered liking the melody enough, but you didn’t get the lyrics. and why would you? you were in love with your best friend who loved you back. even though you were fourteen and too young to even think about marriage, you knew matthew was going to be the person you ended up with. it was him or no one.

and now it was no one.

now, you listened to the song play over and over in your head, the lyrics resonating with you deeper than ever before.

you pulled into your driveway, completely unaware of what cars were parked in the street. they’d never mattered to you before. why would they now?

you sat in your car for a few minutes, taking a deep breath while you worked up the courage to go inside. when you finally got a grip on your emotions, you opened your door and grabbed your bag. you were too busy fumbling with your keys to notice anything amiss until you were on your porch and a pair of shoes came into sight.

“hey.”

it took everything in you not to scream. you dropped your keys and nearly dropped your bag. matthew stood on your front porch with his hands in the pockets in his shorts like he was innocent of any pain or suffering he’d caused you. he was in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and you hated yourself a little bit for thinking he’s attractive like that.

“what’re you doing here?” you hated how hoarse your voice sounded, like a low quality audio recording where things sounded muffled and broken.

“your dad wouldn’t let me in.”

“good.”

matt sighed and ran a hand down his face. “can we not do this?”

“not do what?” you asked. “not act like you ended things for no damn reason?”

“if you—”

“we dated for nearly ten years and you decided to end it over a five minute phone call. and you still think you’re entitled to my time?” and maybe you should’ve been kinder, maybe you should’ve been more civil. but you hadn’t seen or heard from him in months (until a few nights ago) and he just turned up out of the blue? expecting you to do what? forgive him? move on?

matthew said your name delicately, but not in the way he used to, like saying your name was a luxury he was honored to have. no, he said it like you were going to break, like you were fragile, like he wasn’t the sole cause of your pain. “please—”

the anger was draining out of you quicker. you were exhausted between work, and frank ocean’s stupid song, and the other night. 

“what do you want?” your voice cracked on the last word. “wanna ruin my life a little bit more? put the final nail in the coffin?”

“no,” he shook his head fervently. matthew took a step towards you and looked something close to devastated when you stepped back. but it didn’t make sense, he ended it, he had no right to look or feel that way. “i just wanna talk.”

“six months,” you said, doing your best to keep your voice clear. “you had six months to say something. what could you possibly have to say now that you couldn’t then?”

“i know we didn’t end on the best of terms—” he started, but it was cut off by your scoff. you turned your head away and used your palm to wipe at your eyes before you crossed your arms over your chest. “—but i don’t think we should let this ruin brady and emma’s summer. we’re gonna see a lot of each other and i don’t want things to be tense around them.”

you took a minute to really look at him. blonde frizzy curls, blue eyes that wouldn’t leave your face. he hadn’t changed one bit.

one summer, you’d attempted to count the number of freckles on his shoulders. you got up to 87 before you gave up.

and yet you felt like you were standing in front of a stranger.

there were so many things you wanted to say, so many things you’d dreamt of screaming at him, but now that he was here, in front of you, asking something of you, you felt drained, tired. you used to crave his presence, now it felt like a leech.

you loved him, but he was sucking the life out of you.

so you nodded. you nodded and said “okay,” before you walked inside your front door and left your heart on the porch.

you pressed your back against the door and slid to the ground, pulling your knees to your chest. there was no telling when you started crying, or when your dad joined you on the floor, hugging you as close to his chest as he could.

“why wasn’t i enough?” you sobbed into your knees.

your dad petted your hair before he pressed a kiss there. “you’re more than enough, honey. but you can’t make anyone love you if they’re not willing to.”

“he used to!” you wailed. “he used to love me!” then, in a smaller voice, “what changed?”

a beat of silence, then your father’s somber, quiet voice. “maybe he did.”

before

“so what are your plans for after high school?” ms. meyer, your high school guidance counselor sat across from you at her desk. her stare was kind, but unwavering.

you’d already applied to notre dame, knowing that’s where matt committed. so when you answered, it was confident. it had been your plan since matt said yes to the school. “i’m going to notre dame and majoring in art history.”

“do you have any back up schools?”

you nodded. “ucla and the art institute of chicago.”

ms. meyer pursed her lips. “you know all of those places are highly competitive, right?”

“my transcripts and resume are impressive and I did really well on the SAT and ACT. i think i’ll be able to get in.” and you were, you were pretty confident as they come when it came to academics. any school would’ve been lucky to have you, that much you believed.

ms. meyer nodded. “i understand ucla and the art institute, both of those schools have incredible arts programs, but why notre dame? it doesn’t seem to fit with your aspirations.”

“oh,” you laughed under your breath. “that’s where my boyfriend is going.”

your guidance counselor blinked. “you’re incredibly smart and gifted, i’d hate to see that talent wasted when you could be developing it elsewhere. what do you want?”

“i want to be with matthew.”

ms. meyer sighed and gave you a sympathetic smile, you weren’t sure why though. you’d never been more sure of anything. “honey, can i be honest with you?” she didn’t wait for your response. “you have so much talent, so much to offer, i’ve seen many girls come in here, putting off aspirations for their significant others only for that relationship not to last.”

“i know we’re young,” you started, already feeling the heat rise up in your chest. she didn’t know anything about you personally, she didn’t know about you and matt. “but we’re gonna make it, i swear.”

ms. meyer nodded. “of course you are.” she cleared her throat and adjusted the papers in front of her. “so, notre dame...”

after

you weren't exactly sure what compelled you to do it, but at dinner a few nights ago, your mom had asked about what happened to simone, your friend from middle and high school. so you reached out, though it made you feel like you were contacting someone to join your mlm.

it legitimately surprised you when simone replied to your facebook message. the two of you made plans to get coffee on saturday.

and now it was saturday.

you weren’t getting coffee until 9:30, but you were awake and staring at your ceiling at 7. you’d done the due diligence of stalking simone’s profile, so you knew she was married with two kids who looked just like her. she worked as a data analyst for kroger and her husband was a public defender. she met her husband in college and they got married shortly after they graduated from grad and law school respectively. 

if you were a better woman, you’d admit you were jealous. jealous that she got what she wanted in the end. but when you put that aside, you still felt overwhelming happiness at her station in life, regardless of how yours turned out.

you kept scrolling through her social media until it was eventually time for you to get up. you stayed to facebook, not even wanting to bother with going on instagram and accidentally stumbling across one of the tkachuks’ posts.

it was 9:10 when you finally finished getting dressed and ready. you came down the stairs and threw a goodbye over your shoulder before grabbing your crossbody bag and your keys and running out the door.

despite your sprinting and nearly running red lights, you were still five minutes late. you came into the coffee shop, gasping for air after sprinting down the sidewalk from your parking spot.

the second you entered the business, simone’s hand lifted and she smiled brightly, calling you over almost immediately. she stood to greet you, and like no time had passed, pulled you in for a hug.

“it’s so good to see you,” she said. “wasn’t sure if you still liked an iced chai latte, but i got one for you.”

“oh my god, yes,” you gasped before taking a seat and taking a sip of the beverage.

she kept smiling, which made you feel lighthearted for once. most people kept looking at you with pitying eyes, but simone saw you for more than the grief of the last six months. she had to know about it, she just had to, but you thanked her for not bringing it up in the first minute of your conversation.

“how’s work going?”

you shrugged. “it’s mostly tedious, but it’s been fine. what about you? working for kroger? that’s a huge deal.”

simone shook her head. “it’s just a means to an end, a way i can pay for my family’s lifestyle.”

“but are you passionate about what you do?”

she shrugged lightly. “it’s a job, it’s not my life. not everyone is going to work a job that fulfills them. my husband? he loves being a public defender, and he’s good at it. me though, as fun as analyzing data all day sounds and as helpful as it is, getting to have a job that doesn’t come home with me is probably my favorite part of it.”

you nodded along like you understood. and maybe you didn’t do a good enough job at being convincing because simone sighed.

“i wanted to wait to ask this, but i can’t hold it in any longer. how’re you holding up?”

it took you several seconds to answer her question. your mouth open and closed multiple times. “i— i don't know.” you sank back into your seat and picked at your cuticles. “it’s been a shitty few months,” you admitted. “you’d think i’d be over it by now.

simone shook her head and leaned in, arms braced on the table. “you two were together for a decade, what’s a few months in comparison to that?”

you shrugged. “i saw him the other night, when i went out drinking with the other bridesmaids. it was like, i don't know, i got dunked in an ice bath or something. he looked completely unaffected and i couldn’t breathe.”

simone whispered your name.

“but i’m fine!” you asserted. “i’m trying to be.”

simone nodded. “so what do you do now?”

you could’ve kissed her feet for the change in topic. “i’m working in the art restoration and conservation field.”

simone blinked. “you’re restoring art? do you like it?”

you shrugged. “most days, it can get repetitive, but that’s what i like.”

your friend sighed and fixed you with a soft, sympathetic look. “but is that what you want to do for the rest of your life? restoring someone else’s art? doing something repetitive? you are so talented, i hate to see you wasting that talent restoring someone else’s work.”

“it’s not a waste! it’s incredibly difficult and some things deserve to be preserved.”

“but some new things deserve to be created.” simone leaned in closer, her forearms braced on the table. “i think it would do you some good to start creating something again, even if it’s shitty. and you think you aren’t ready, just try something new. a new bar, a new hobby, a new man, something new.”

your stomach twisted at the thought of going on a date with someone other than matt, but simone was right. it had been six months and he seemed to be doing fine, it was your turn to start moving on, to find yourself again.

so you nodded. “we should do this more often,” you said. “i’ve missed you.”

simone smiled. “i’ve missed you too, i’m glad you’re home.”

you talked for another hour about everything the two of you had missed over the years of you being elsewhere before she had to leave and relieve the nanny at home. simone hugged you goodbye and texted you her new number before she left the coffee shop. 

the drive home was quiet because you were pondering the things she’d said. you weren’t sure you were ready for making your own art, you sure as hell weren’t ready to go on a date. but maybe you should try.

maybe you were ready to put yourself first for once.

before

the biggest argument you’d had with matt was after you found out he wasn’t playing at notre dame at all, he was going to play for calgary.

you felt so stupid for committing to that school when you should’ve known your boyfriend was talented enough to skip it altogether. maybe you should’ve taken a gap year, then you wouldn’t have to be doing even more long distance in two different countries.

the two of you never argued, or maybe never was too strong of a word. you hardly ever had a disagreement if you thought about it long enough. most of the time, you suppressed the disappointment and the anger, shoving it to the side because you were surely being dramatic.

but now you were standing off to the side, waiting for your name to be called to cross the stage at your high school graduation, and you wished you’d said something to convince matthew to delay settling into his new calgary apartment with one of his teammates.

but you swallowed your disappointment and pride and just dealt with the fact that he wouldn’t be there.

it was fine.

just high school.

you were snapped out of your reverie when your name was called. you smiled and walked across the stage. when you dreamt of this exact moment, you always thought you’d walk with grace, that all noise would cease to exist as you honed in on the sheet of paper you’d spent the last 13 years working towards.

but it wasn’t like that.

because you heard one specific voice above all the others. as your principal handed you the diploma, your eyes searched the crowd and saw him.

matthew standing up and yelling with his family next to him. he had a sign, the words you couldn’t read because there were tears forming in your water line. he was pointing at you and kept yelling and clapping, hooting and hollering like it was his full time job. your parents were smiling, though they were seated, and your grandparents were stone faced clapping like they were at the masters tournament.

so you kept your eyes on him, even as you walked back to your seat. you might have stumbled, tripped even, but all you could see, all you could feel was him.

you were back in your seat by the time the person calling out the names spoke again.

“please hold your applause until the end.”

you could hear his scoff, even from your seat.

your leg bounced for the rest of the graduation ceremony. you didn’t even register the turning of your tassel. you just couldn’t wait for it to be over so you could be in matt’s arms.

as soon as the ceremony concluded, matt was shoving his way past families, nearly taking out an elderly gentleman in his quest to get to you. on the other hand, you were being pushed to move farther away from him as the procession of students filed out of the gym. you kept looking over your shoulder to find him, but it looked like brady had caught up to him, wrangling his older brother to follow the crowds outside.

“outside!” brady pointed.

you nodded.

as soon as you got through the gym doors, you were booking it outside into the sunlight. it blinded you momentarily, but you whipped your phone out seconds later to see if matt had texted you where he’d be. you pulled up his contact and were seconds away from calling him when arms wrapped around your waist and lifted you up into the air.

a squeal left your lips until he set you down a moment later. you spun around in his arms and before you could say anything, matthew was kissing you like no one else was around.

when the two of you finally needed air, you pulled away. “i thought you were in calgary!”

matthew scoffed though there was a large smile on his lips. “you thought i’d miss my favorite girl’s graduation? calgary can wait, your high school graduation only happens once.”

“i’m glad you’re here,” you whispered. 

“me too, baby.”

unfortunately, matt pulled away so you could hug your parents and even your grandparents who were standing off to the side. taryn and brady pulled you into a group hug afterwards, with taryn going on a tangent about all the fun things the two of you would have to do before you left for school.

but brady was taking your graduation cap off your head to ruffle your hair as matt grabbed your purse and took your car keys out. keith and chantal were offering to pay for a celebratory lunch while your grandparents gave an irish goodbye. your parents were smiling, you were tucked into matt’s side, and brady and taryn were bickering and—

everything was perfect.

you wanted to freeze that moment, that sensation in your chest, take the saccharine feeling and bottle it up and store it on your bookshelf. 

and if you could’ve, you would’ve savored the sensation of matt’s lips pressed to your temple while both of your dads discussed the best route to get to the restaurant.

but you had no idea how the future would turn out.

you thought matt was forever.

after

you were on a double date, or at least, hyping yourself up to go into the bar and meet up with simone, her husband, and a friend of theirs. you didn’t want to be a bitch, but you also didn’t want to send yourself into a panic attack. simone had suggested just entertaining something with someone, didn’t even have to be serious, it could just be sex.

you could do that, right?

just casual sex?

the thought was nauseating. you’d only slept with matthew, no one knew your body like he did and—

you stopped yourself before you could go down that rabbit hole.

your hands shook as you stepped out of your car and locked it. maybe you should’ve gotten an uber, but then again, you weren’t really planning on drinking like that. you were hoping you’d still be sober enough to go home.

the music in the bar shockingly wasn’t as loud as you expected. it wasn’t the bass bumping, ass grinding bar like the ones matt used to take you to after games. even still, your palms started sweating as you looked around. you spotted simone’s natural hair across the room and made your way towards her. 

her husband, stephen, stood to greet you first, followed by simone, then lastly your date. a guy named andrew who was a partner at his firm, the youngest on his team.

his handshake was firm, but there were no calluses on his palm. his hair was slicked back with what you guessed was a pomade.

he was so unlike matthew it was alarming.

but maybe it was for the best.

you smiled and took your seat next to simone, you sipped on the water in front of you.

“we didn’t want to order drinks without you just yet.”

“thank you,” you mumbled just loud enough for everyone to hear.

“it’s nice to finally meet you,” andrew started. “simone spoke highly of you. she said you’ve been friends since middle school.”

you felt bad because simone didn’t really say much to you about him. if you were a gambler, you’d assume it was because she didn’t want you to back out. you barely even knew him and you were already comparing him to matt.

which wasn’t fair, you knew that. andrew deserved to be a human without the baggage of your last and only relationship determining how you viewed him.

you would try, at the very least for simone. at the very most, you’d try for yourself.

“nice to meet you too. i heard you’re a partner at your law firm? how is that going?”

oh god. you were so bad at this. asking about work on a friday night?

but he smiled. his teeth were perfectly straight and white. you'd bet your last dollar that he'd never needed braces, not like you did.

you hated yourself for thinking of the gap between matthew’s teeth.

“it’s going well,” he said. “lot of work, but i managed to get enough done this week that my friday was free. i wanted to meet the ‘best artist on planet earth,’ according to simone.”

“oh i don’t know about that,” you flushed.

simone scoffed. “don’t downplay yourself.” she turned to look at andrew. “you should see the art she created in high school as a teenager. it was so impressive.”

“what medium do you like working with the most?” he asked.

“mostly acrylic.”

andrew’s eyes lit up. “do you have any photos of your art? i’d love to see your work.”

you shook your head, feeling a little embarrassed at all the attention. “i don’t really paint like that anymore. i work in art conservation now, not a whole lot of time to create something new.”

“that’s such a unique career! what does your average day look like?” andrew leaned forward a little and took a sip of his water.

you told him a little bit about what you did. about how you spent hours hunched over a painting and fixing the smallest problems in hopes it would satisfy the client.

“you must’ve gone to some prestigious art school for that. if you don’t mind me asking, where did you go to college?”

your spine stiffened. “university of calgary.”

and just like you anticipated, his face twisted in confusion. there was no logical reason you should’ve gone out of the country for a regular school. it would be one thing if you went to an art institute, but you didn’t.

“why calgary?” he asked. “seems a bit random, if you don’t mind me asking.”

you shifted in your seat and wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes. it wasn’t until you cleared your throat in a sorry attempt to get the lump out, that you spoke. “it’s a long story,” you said. “thought i had a future in calgary.”

andrew, to his credit, knew when to not ask questions and changed the subject immediately.

the rest of the night passed in a blur. you were only halfway present, your mind reeling at how you wasted those years in calgary waiting for a man who would dump you as soon as he moved to a warmer state.

he, quite literally, left you in the cold.

andrew offered to walk you to your car, an offer you accepted because it was dark and st. louis.

“i had a great time tonight,” he said. “it was really nice to meet you. you’re even better than simone and stephen said.”

you gave him a small smile. “it was nice to meet you too.”

andrew shifted on his feet. for a moment, he didn’t look the part of the youngest partner at his law firm, he looked like a boy. “i was hoping maybe you’d want to do this again? maybe get some dinner?”

your throat felt like someone had force fed you cotton balls. but then you thought about how pathetic your life had been the last six months, how pathetic it was going to be when you flew to new jersey to be in the same bridal party as your ex.

you refused to be pathetic any longer.

which is probably why you smiled (albeit shakily) and said yes.

before

you were bouncing on your toes in the hallway as you waited for matt. it was a brutal game, and he spent a good portion of it in the penalty box, mostly for minor things, but one incident was for fighting. which wasn’t atypical, but you’d never seen him that keyed up before.

and given his reputation, there were any number of things that could’ve caused the fight itself. two weeks ago, matt had fought someone for being too forceful with one of his teammates, which after years of watching the game, was on par with the sport and your boyfriend.

because he fought so much, you weren’t necessarily surprised whenever he did. sure, you flinched when he was punched, knowing how badly it would bruise, praying to whatever higher power existed that he would still have all his teeth. but usually, matt wasn’t trying to fight everyone on the ice at all times.

tonight was different.

safe to say, you were a little anxious waiting for him to come out.

you weren’t exactly sure about what was said on the ice to get him so riled up. the worst you’d seen was when someone on the other team said something about taryn. you used to think that was the angriest you ever saw him. and it was.

until tonight.

you could feel the energy rolling off of him in waves as he exited the locker room. usually, after a win, matt is relaxed and easy going, but despite the victory from tonight, he was tense and pent up, frustrated even.

“hey,” you said, meeting him halfway.

matthew didn’t respond, just dropped his bag and wrapped you up in a hug, tucking his head into the space where your neck met your shoulder.

“you okay?” you asked.

he nodded. he squeezed your waist once before letting go, taking your hand instead. “ready to go?”

the car ride was silent minus the music matthew had playing through the aux. his hand rested on your thigh, though the grip was particularly tighter than normal, especially after a win. part of you wanted to ask, the other part not wanting to spoil the rest of the night with your curiosity.

but this was the man you loved. and it hurt you to see him this upset.

normally, you would’ve left well enough alone, but you were going back to notre dame in two days and didn’t want to spend the rest of your time walking on eggshells around him. you couldn’t help him if you didn’t know what was wrong.

“what happened?” you asked when the car came to a stop at a light.

“nothing,” he grunted.

“your team won and you’re still grumpy, matthew. so tell me, what happened? i want to help you.”

“there’s nothing to help.”

“matthew,” you groaned. “i’m only here for two days, can you just be honest with me? i don’t wanna waste the rest of my trip with you being upset when i can help you—”

“then go back to indiana!” he all but yelled, ripping his hand off your thigh so he could shove it through his disheveled hair.

your jaw dropped. in all the years you’d known matt, he'd never talked to you that way. and you weren’t starting a bad habit by letting him think he could ever do it again. you unbuckled your seat belt and grabbed your bag. you tugged on the handle of the door. “i’ll see you at home,” you said.

matt scoffed. “don’t be dramatic.”

“i’m not being ‘dramatic,’ matthew. you’re being an asshole.” you braced yourself for the cold as the door opened and let in a cold breeze.

matthew called your name, but you ignored him and slammed the car door shut. it was a little petty, considering how matt had berated his siblings over the same thing.

a car honked, probably because the light had turned green and matt was still sitting at the light, looking at you.

a cold wind blew and for a moment, you thought about hopping back in the car with matt, but he was pulling away and your pride wasn’t ready to take a hit just yet.

his car sped away until, with an efficiency you only wish you had, he parallel parked in a spot just up the road.

“get in the car,” he called, slamming his car door shut. “it’s too cold for you to be proving a point.”

“and what point am i trying to prove, matthew?” you asked over your shoulder.

you kept walking.

“would you please stop walking and just get back in the car?”

you kept walking.

a hand reached out and grabbed your wrist, you might’ve shrieked had it not been gentle, had you not recognized the scent of matt’s cologne.

gently, he turned you around.

“baby, just get in the car. you don’t even have to talk to me. don't even have to look at me if you don’t want to. i’ll sleep on the couch or something, but it’s not safe for you to be walking home alone.” he ran his thumb back and forth over your pulse point in a soothing manner.

you kept your eyes on his hand. “what happened during the game?

he sighed, shoulders sagging like they were tired from carrying the weight of the world. “they were talking shit.”

you blinked. “and that’s different....how?”

with the hand that wasn’t holding your wrist, matthew pinched the bridge of his nose. “they were talking shit about you. saying you deserved better and shit.”

“matthew, you know that’s not true—”

“they called you names.” his voice was dark, angrier than you'd ever heard before. “things i’m not comfortable repeating.”

a shiver went down your spine, for matt to be that upset made you uncomfortable. you didn’t want to think about what they said, you didn’t want to dwell on it any longer.

“well,” you said, voice feeling small and weak in your throat. “well, we know it’s not true, so it doesn’t matter.” you tried to make your way back to the car, but matt’s grip on your wrist stopped you.

“but it does matter,” he insisted. “what they said, i get it wasn't true, you and i both know that. but i’m not gonna let anyone talk shit about you, i don’t care who they are.”

your eyes finally met his own and in the blue you saw determination and conviction there. you started towards him and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“i love you, matty.”

he kissed the top of your head. “love you more.”

after

“where are you going?” your mom asked from the couch.

your dad looked up from his james patterson book to squint at your outfit: a square neck black dress. “are you going out?” he chimed in.

you felt sheepish, like the fifteen year old girl going on her first solo date, no parents picking her up because matt just got his license. “remember that guy i went on a double date with?”

“with simone and her husband?” you mom asked.

you nodded. “we’re going out again, just us tonight.”

your mother gave you a small smile while you dad kept staring. “have fun, sweetheart.”

your dad, however, put his book down and looked at you above the rim of his glasses. “are you gonna be okay?”

“alan, this will be good for her!”

but your dad’s eyes never left your face. “you’ll call if you need something?”

“andrew’s a good guy, dad.” or at least, you were assuming so. you’d only met the guy one other time and he seemed alright.

but you could see the look in your father’s eyes, you could hear what he wasn’t saying.

so was matthew.

you swallowed and nodded at your parents. your phone pinged with a notification that your uber was outside. “i’ll be back.”

the drive to the bar was silent. usually, you wouldn’t have taken an uber, but you were unsure how drunk you would get tonight. the date could go well, it could be everything you wanted, even if all you wanted was matthew. 

but you were prepared for the worst. you were prepared to drink until you couldn’t see straight just to get through the night.

andrew was a nice guy, but he wasn’t who you wanted.

and you hated yourself for it.

the uber pulled up to the bar. and simply because he didn’t kidnap or talk to you, you gave the driver five stars.

andrew was waiting at a high top table for you, a glass of water ready to go. you waved at him and carefully made your way across the room, avoiding people and drinks and people with drinks.

“hey,” he greeted.

you gave him a small smile. “hi.”

“was traffic bad on your way here? i wasn’t sure, given that it’s friday and what not.”

you shook your head. “not too bad.” 

c’mon, think of something. say something. anything.

“crazy busy tonight, huh?” you wanted to facepalm. that was what you came up with? all the words in the world and that was what you—

“yeah,” andrew cut off your mental tirade. “i think some famous guys are here tonight, heard murmurs of it.”

you nearly broke out into a cold sweat. “d-do you know who?”

andrew shrugged. “i didn’t ask, i just heard someone talking about it when i was getting a drink.” then, like he finally realized, he snapped. “do you want anything? i can grab it for you.”

you gave him your drink order with a smile. he tapped the table with his knuckles before promising he'd be right back.

you traced the grain of the table with your finger, allowing it to feel the grooves and water stains left from other customers. it felt awkward, sitting by yourself with no one to talk to. andrew said he'd be back, but the bar was busy, it could be ten, fifteen minutes before he'd come back.

your phone buzzed.

simone: 

how’s it going?

you smiled despite yourself. 

you:

he’s nice. he went to get me a drink.

you put your phone down to look around the bar. it was busier than normal, or at least, what you thought was normal.

you were scrolling through your social media feeds when andrew finally came back. he had your drink in hand with a smile on his face.

“sorry, the line took forever,” he said.

you glanced at the bar to see a small crowd of people. “doesn’t surprise me,” you said. “friday’s are usually busy.”

“yeah especially when there’s two hockey players in town. heard someone at the bar talking about it, thought you might wanna know. simone said you were a fan?”

your stomach dropped to your feet. you took a hefty sip of your drink to avoid andrew seeing a frown on your face. there was a chance that it was a blues player still in town, but your gut knew better. if you were a betting woman, you'd bet your last dollar on it being brady and matt.

you wanted to throw up.

instead, you chugged the drink.

“whoa, you okay?” andrew’s eyes widened a little, maybe in concern, but there was something about the smirk on his face that said otherwise.

you gave him a shaky smile. “just fine. can i get another drink?”

he smiled immediately and got up to get you another.

and another.

and another.

your vision was blurring a little when you tried to cut yourself off, even as andrew was sliding another glass in front of you. you threw the drink back again, not even blinking at it.

matt and brady could be here. it was too soon to see them again, you weren't prepared to see them again. maybe if you drank enough, you’d black out and forget all about tonight.

but then andrew was grabbing your elbow, he was leading you towards the door, encroaching upon your personal space. his lips were on your neck, whispers of what he had planned for you.

your skin crawled, you wanted him off of you, but your arms were sluggish, you were tripping over your feet and he was the only thing holding you up.

“no,” you slurred. “lemme go.”

but he either didn’t hear you or was ignoring you because he kept dragging you to the door.

then the panic set in.

it felt like it came out of nowhere, but maybe the surmounting panic was always there like a loyal friend. you tried squirming out of his grip, shoving at his chest, but the panic was building the longer he held onto you. your head was shaking furiously, your mouth doing its best to protest, but it was like the alcohol made your tongue heavy.

“lemme go—” you tried shoving one more time before you heard a shout in the distance. 

“hey!” you weren’t aware of the people around you being shoved to the side, you were unaware of the rage surrounding you. you were unaware until andrew was ripped away and you were being shoved into another body.

“matt hey—”

brady. you were right, brady was here.

god you loved brady.

“brady?” you slurred, smiling lazily up at him. “you’re here! why’re you here?”

with one arm, brady kept you pressed to him, but he wasn’t acknowledging you. his eyes were focused on his brother holding the collar of your date.

oh. your date.

there was no rhyme or reason for the feeling of horror that washed over you when you realized what almost happened before matt and brady showed up.

you were gonna throw up.

or pass out.

you weren’t sure when you started hyperventilating, but it felt like the walls were closing in. was the music always this loud? was matt always that loud when yelling? you wouldn’t know, he hardly ever yelled at you—

“hey,” brady’s gentle voice sounded it your ear, but it was like you were hearing it from underwater. “hey, breathe, it’s okay. you’re safe now.”

the funny thing about hyperventilating is no one wants to be hyperventilating. it’s similar to worrying in that telling someone to stop worrying is ineffective. brady telling you to breathe wasn’t helping because it wasn’t like you wanted to be light headed and struggling to get oxygen.

your mind was just racing with the thoughts of what almost happened.

were your hands shaking? or was the world just rocky? was it the alcohol? why did andrew give you so much? was he planning on—

oh god.

oh god.

“matt!” brady’s voice again sounding like a deep echo in a cave, one you could barely hear. “matt, i think he got the point, she needs you.”

did you?

but it didn’t matter what you thought, because you were being gently pulled into a pair of arms you would’ve recognized anywhere. you could be deaf, blind, and mute, you could’ve had your nose plugged so you couldn’t smell his aftershave and you still would’ve known it was matt. his arms were the only ones that felt like home.

maybe it was the way your head tucked under his chin perfectly, or the way you could hold your own hand when you wrapped your arms around his waist. maybe it was the way matt tried to fit you into his ribcage whenever he hugged you.

“hey,” his voice was quiet, hoarse from the yelling probably. “you’re okay, i’ve got you. nothing’s gonna hurt you, not while i’m here.” his lips were on the top of your head, mumbling the words into your hair.

“he—he was gonna—”

matt was shushing you, running a hand up and down your back. “do you wanna go outside? get some fresh air?” you nodded against his chest, a place you used to lay your head on at night.

matt walked you outside, brady not far behind. he was supporting most of your weight. you were still incredibly drunk even if the event that just happened sobered you up a little.

your hands were still shaking, your knees a little weak, though you weren’t sure what the original cause of that was. if it was from alcohol, the sleazy date, or just being held by your ex, you weren’t sure.

what a year tonight has been.

your heartbeat slowed down as you listened to matt’s. his hand continued to rub your back in long lines.

“you’re okay,” he continued to say. “i’m not gonna leave you. you’re safe right here, baby.”

your heart soared at the pet name until gravity kicked in and you were right back where you started.

rock bottom.

you pushed away from matt, now that your heart rate had decreased. you stumbled a bit from the lack of stability, but you managed to right yourself before matt could get his hands on you to help you balance.

“you okay?” he asked.

“no,” you mumbled, shaking your head despite the world feeling like it was spinning too fast already. “no. i’m not okay.”

matt took a step towards you, it was like watching a film in slow motion, seeing his face fall as you immediately took a step back.

“baby i—”

“stop! stop calling me that!” you yelled even as your words slurred, throwing your hands up in the air before pulling at your hair. “you—you don’t get to call me that, not anymore. and you certainly don’t get to ride in like some white knight coming to my rescue either!”

“what’re you—” he cut himself off before running a hand down his face. “he was going to hurt you, i wasn’t going to let that happen!”

maybe it was the alcohol that made you more honest than normal. “why? you don’t seem to care what happens anyway?”

“what the hell are you talking about? i would never let someone hurt you, not if i can stop it.”

“but you had no problem hurting me? leaving me in a country alone?”

matt’s jaw dropped. “you can’t seriously be comparing the two. he—he almost—he had every intention of—” but he kept cutting himself off. and by the looks of his clenched fists, it was hurting him more just thinking about it.

and he was right, what almost happened with andrew and what actually happened at the hands of matt were two different things, but it hurt more from matt, the man who swore he’d be at your side, to love you through it all. he’d dropped you like a bad habit and was expecting everything to be normal again? like you hadn’t spent over half your life completely in love with him?

you sighed, your shoulders sagged, all fight evaporating your body once more. “thanks for help, i’ll see you around.” you turned on your heel and nearly ran into brady, whom you forgot was even there.

“let me drive you home,” brady said. “‘s the least i could do.”

brady at least let you sit shotgun this time, with matt in the back. and when he pulled up to your house, matt was the one to walk you to the door like he had many times before.

“can we talk?” he asked. “sometime this week? or next? or whenever you're free?”

you looked at him, really looked at him. his hands shook at his sides and you longed to hold them in your own to steady them like he did for you earlier. “why’re you doing this to me? why can’t you just leave me be?”

matt stared at you before he pressed his lips together. he looked off to the side almost like he was looking at brady waiting in the car or a scrap of self control, or maybe just the right words to say. “i don’t think i’m capable of letting you go.”

your voice caught on the words in your throat. “i need you to try, matt. because i can’t keep doing this. you can’t call me baby when i’m not your baby anymore.”

he nodded. “just one conversation, i promise.”

you should say no. you should just let it go, but you didn’t think you could deny matt anything if he really asked for it. “okay,” you said. “just one conversation.”

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

I posted 4,667 times in 2022

That's 1,943 more posts than 2021!

992 posts created (21%)

3,675 posts reblogged (79%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@clever-and-unique-name

@honeysuckle-venom

@drabbleswithdragons

@felis-the-complex-multiple

@snorlax-and-co

I tagged 1,568 of my posts in 2022

#galactic gab - 986 posts

#vent tw - 234 posts

#asked and answered - 210 posts

#parts stuff - 90 posts

#bone fuckery - 72 posts

#ask bait - 40 posts

#covid tw - 38 posts

#doctors tw - 35 posts

#trauma stuff - 35 posts

#trans stuff - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#i keep thinking it's allergies bc of how much i'm sneezing but the allergy meds aren't helping and cold medicine is ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I used to think I was an open book. That I had no problems with vulnerability.

But I've learned that being willing to recount the horrors of my life with the detachment of telling a story about someone else isn't vulnerability. But rather a way to avoid being vulnerable.

Vulnerability is taking the risk of reaching out to a potential friend, knowing that pain may follow. It's talking about my emotions with those I've come to trust even though it feels too dangerous. It's talking to a friend about the things that fill me with shame and giving them the chance to love me through it.

The vulnerability of love can feel so dangerous. But I'm finding that it's worth it

61 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#4

There's a part crying out inside "why didn't you save me?"

As tears fell from my face, i told them I'm sorry i couldn't save them before, but I'm saving us now. We're safe from those who hurt us, and we're putting in the work to heal.

"Why didn't you save me?"

Let's save ourselves together now

87 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#3

It has seemed that over the past several years, the pushback against trauma olympics has morphed into this idea that all trauma should be treated as equal and that any differentiation is inherently ableist.

And while I agree that competing over who has it worst is an exercise in futility that is often damaging, I think the inability to have conversations with nuance regarding different traumas has been really damaging to community discussions.

Like, yes, what is traumatic to one person may not be traumatic to another and what a child's brain counts as trauma might not make sense to an adult. If you're traumatized by something, then it was traumatic for you. It doesn't matter if other people think it shouldn't have been traumatizing, your trauma is real.

But I think it is damaging that community discussions have become so warped that stating that some traumas are more severe than others is met with hostility. There are, in fact, degrees of severity when it comes to trauma.

Hell, I'm very carefully picking my words in this and not really specifying any specifics because I don't want to deal with the hostility that would likely ensue.

Acknowledging that some experiences are more inherently traumatic than others does not invalidate your pain and struggles. Each person's response to trauma is shaped by a vast array of factors including the support a person has after the trauma. It's not bad or wrong to be more affected by a specific trauma than someone else who went through something similar because we all are shaped by our own unique circumstances.

However, that doesn't make it ok to flatten the way we talk about trauma by never acknowledging that some events are more inherently traumatic than others.

This shift in the community has made it really difficult for people who have gone through very severe trauma to talk about their experiences without being attacked for ~invalidating~ other people's trauma just by talking about their own experiences.

I'm leaving reblogs on and I'm to discussion on this, but anyone coming in with hostility will be blocked.

179 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

#2

It's so upsetting and frustrating seeing more and more people say they want to get COVID to "get it over with".

Aside from the multitude of other reasons that this attitude is dangerous and reckless, it overlooks the fact that *you can get COVID multiple times*

This isn't like the chicken pox where getting it provides immunity. People can, and many have, get COVID multiple times.

Every time you get COVID is another chance to end up with lifelong complications.

COVID isn't something you can catch to just get it over with. You'll still be at risk of catching it again and you may end up with complications that make each new case even more risky

Various studies show that anywhere from 1 in 6 to 1 in 2 people with COVID will end up with long COVID.

Please stay safe. Please continue taking precautions to protect yourself and those around you.

205 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

263 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[unpopularcharacterstan]

.......ACOSF SPOILERS........

FOR REAL

As a Nesta stan, I officially hated this book. HATED.

- Nesta constantly thinking what a garbage person she is. Everyone agrees with her that she is trash. They stop thinking she is trash when she apologizes for being trash. She literally GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE TO APOLOGIZE TO SOMEONE IN THE IC.

- Cassian did not like it that she had sex with randos, which was a big part of why the IC exiled her. But he totally lets nesta fuck his brains out for weeks, despite believing it’s just as meaningless to her as all the damaging sex she’d had before. So casual sex with others = bad. Casual sex with Cassian = good.

- Nesta’s redemption is to serve feysand and be accepted by them and literally she hears the words “WELCOME BACK TO THE NIGHT COURT.” LIKE SHE WAS EVER PART OF THE FUCKING NIGHT COURT. She’s thankful to not be exiled anymore by people who shamed and reviled her (ya know, bc she realizes they were right).

- Nesta’s friendships feel like fanfic to me but I can’t say why. They just didn’t land for me or feel believable. It was supposed to be soft but it was laughable that they could in WEEKS/MONTHS turn into seasoned warriors ready to defeat the Rite. And be doing friendship bracelet summer camp kumbaya stuff together. Sarah J Maas has NEVER MET SUBTLETY.

- Nesta turns into a different person by the end than anyone we’ve ever known. But not in a way that felt earned. She literally just got a couple friends, banged Cassian a bunch, did exercise, and had some over choreographed “fight” moments. That’s the plot of the book.

- The plot makes no sense, is full of magical macguffins and queen shit and underdeveloped bad guys. It’s genuinely dumb and meaningless. This book mostly exists to have nesta think about how garbage she is and to fuck Cassian over and over.

- The smut was worse than usual. I couldn’t even read it. They’re talking porn to each other within minutes of getting involved. Like, where did my prim, guarded girl go?? This girl and the OG nesta archeron have never met. I didn’t find the smut hot at all. And sjm was not kidding about it being a LOT about fluids.

- The feyre pregnancy is worse than dumb. It’s insulting to readers’ intelligence that c-sections wouldn’t have worked. It was saccharine after school special level shit and it existed to take nesta down below feysand. nO OnE must be more powerful than feysand!

- The book wastes NO opportunities to remind us how much worse Nesta is than feyre. Feyre was sooooooo giving and generous and brave and special, as the book reminds us OVER AND FUCKING OVER. But nesta literally is sooooo out of shape she can’t do anything when Cassian starts training her, and she actually PISSES HERSELF when she confronts a scary creature. The book is an exercise in humiliating her and confirming her worst fears about herself. She has accurate thoughts about the IC at first but by the end she’s blubbering about how much she loves Big Brother like some godawful dystopian novel.

- Rhys decides to keep literally life or death medical information from feyre but naturally tell EVERYONE ELSE. And then nesta tells feyre in a moment of anger and everyone hates her for it, and Rhys orders her out of velaris or else he’ll kill her. THAT IS IN THE BOOK.

I’m sure I’ll have more to say when I’ve processed more, but this was the exact opposite of the book I wanted for nesta. I waited years for this and the whole time I felt like I was either embarrassed for her, sorry for her, annoyed with her, or like I didn’t recognize her at all. Cassian went from one of my faves to a sad piece of shit who cares more about Rhys than his own beloved.

There’s not one thing I wouldn’t change about this book.

[kim-ruzek]

It’s been a week since the finales and while I’m over the moon about fire, I’m still so conflicted over pd, specifically Adam and how he talked to Kevin.

I know they’re brothers and the show will have them get over this, but if my white friend said what Adam did? I wouldn’t look at them the same way. I’d lose a lot of love/respect that I had for them.

And a lot of people (of a certain color) are saying it’s not a big deal because of the situation? But like those are his real thoughts, his filter is just gone. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive tho.

I’d love to hear your take on this. If your comfortable sharing it.

I've been thinking of this ask all day, of how to answer it. Because honestly, I have SO many thoughts on this, but I was debating if I should say them all or just sum up but I decided that I'm just gonna speak my mind!!

I, too, have a lot of complexed and conflicting thoughts over this. And I have to say, with stuff like this, with racial issues, you can NEVER be too sensitive.

Firstly, I agree. Kev and Adam are brothers, and the show will have them get over this, it wouldn't be realistic otherwise. But I really do hope they do it in a good, believable and decent way. Because I also agree with what you said about if my white friend said that shit? A little bit of my love and respect for them would be forever tarnished-- at least until I see some REAL improvement, which would take a minimum of a year to properly heal.

This fandom is a real good fandom, but yeah, I HAVE seen a lot of white fans not treating this like the big deal it is. The majority DO accept it's a big deal, but at the same time, they don't seem to truly get just how big, like how they think Kevin and Adam will have to move on from this is quite watered down.

Now, where I stand:

I watched cpd for Kim, Adam and Kev. I got into it for Burzek, and fell so hard in love with Kevin immediately. So when Kevin and Adam fight, I find it really hard because they're my boys! But it's necessary, and I think will help them become even more tight once Adam gets his head screwed on straight.

I do agree that they're his "real thoughts", but my take is that it's a little more complicated than that. Like Adam is a bit of a hothead, and that moment? He was more scared than he's ever been, and Kev, in his mind, is the only other person who loves Kim as much so when Kev did what Adam took as a "betrayal", Adam was angry. And that was shitty. And he should be accountable for that, AND for what he said.

But I think calling them his real thoughts is a little simplistic. They're thoughts that's going to be in his mind a lot, obviously, because Adam doesn't fully get this. So there's two layers to this:

One: People say things out of anger. I've got a temper, and I keep it under control obviously, but it's there, and when you're angry, especially betrayed and hurt, you just want to hurt people the same way you are. And when it's someone you really, really love? You say things you have maybe thought when you were a little annoyed but rationality won and reminded you it's a stupid thought, things that you KNOW will hurt.

And I think that's what this was. Obviously you do this, no matter what the reason, you need to fucking apologize and grovel. Like I'm not saying you shouldn't because I really don't think that. Especially as someone who's said really hurtful things out of anger, I PASSIONATELY believe that you should be held to a high standard about your actions. Because anger is not good, it's an ugly emotion, and you have to fight it.

Two: I definitely think those things are stuff Adam has thought before. I mean, thoughts in anger rarely appears out of nowhere, they're there in the background. But this isn't necessary a bad thing, or makes Adam a bad person. Like we ALL have less than nice thoughts, it's human nature.

And for Adam, he tries, he really does, but the man just Does Not Get all the deep complexities of the police reform. So I think his stance is, he doesn't get it, but he goes along. There's been those times he's argued, but I think most of the time when he's confused, he kinda just...has one of those thoughts but doesn't express it because he KNOWS it's more complicated than that, even if he doesn't understand it.

So when Kevin and Adam fought, Adam got ANGRY, because he felt scared and betrayed, and that's when he voiced all these thoughts he's thought before but kept inside because even though he doesn't understand why or how, he knows it's more complicated. But he was angry because Kim was in danger, and suddenly, it didn't seem logical or rational to keep by book.

Okay so now I've said that, onto what I think this means and how I want this go moving forward.

Adam was a jerk. What he said to Kevin was such a low blow, and things are going to be fractured between those two. And I think nothing Adam feels towards Kev has changed, but I do think they'll be that little emptiness in Kev, because hearing your white best friend say that? Ugh. Pain.

In a general sense, I think they'll be fine. But they can't be as close as they were, without Kevin feeling some sort of distance without any closure.

So in season nine, we definitely need our boys to have a conversation. And not just one, but several. And we need to see Adam make some actual changes to his beliefs. Not just half assing it bc he knows he's wrong even if he doesn't understand the complexities of why, but actually challenging his own beliefs and learning.

I think one of my main problems with this fandom (the white fans) is how much emphasis is put on both Adam and Kev seeking each other out to have a conversation. That's just wrong-- Adam should be the one. None of this, fixing this, educating Adam is on this is NOT in any way, shape or form is on Kevin.

What Adam said is hurtful, and I think Kevin still loves Adam, still sees him as his brother. But siblings don't always get along, or even like each other, even if there's that I'll-die-for-you love. And I think that's where Kevin is at. Adam hurt him, and that's gonna do some damage, and so even though Kev does understand, he's not gonna seek him out or try to fix it AS HE SHOULDN'T, because that onus is purely on Adam's shoulders.

Like. I think what white fans don't get is just how exhausting it is always having to understand, always having to be patient. Like yeah white people don't get the ins and outs like we do, so we're forced to always be understanding bc while we have to learn these things from our first days, they're just learning now. But it's exhausting, so that's why I really hope they have Adam seek Kev out, not have Kev approach him to talk about this.

(it's always why I love how they had Kevin full on yeet Adam, and beat the crap out of him. Poc always have been portrayed as patient when cruel remarks are hurled at us from people we love in anger, and I'm happy they showed Kevin snapping. Bc that was not on, and Kevin was just as worried about Kim, and Adam implying otherwise is wrong. It's also though why I also love that as soon as they were pulled apart, Kev stopped fighting/looking so angry quicker than Adam).

Like I'd be okay with Kev just saying, simply, to Adam "you don't ever say that stuff to me again." And that's that. But for them to actually have a conversation about this, has to come from Adam and HAS to start with an apology.

And Adam has to actively do better. Like no more just accepting things are different even if he doesn't understand, he HAS to learn everything, all the ins and outs, all the complexities, until he lives and breathes it as much as any white man can. Because I can't see Kevin having what was fracture ever feeling completely solid again without that.

And I do like that the show went there, because it's necessary and I think it's the best position for Adam to realise just how Shitty he was. Because Kim was found-- by the book. Like most of his anger was from how in the past, they've gotten their results by being off book, so I think in Adam's mind, he thinks that's the best way to secure safety. But it was by the book that found Kim, and I think that will really make Adam realise that these enforced policies DON'T make it harder to secure their own safety.

Also, Adam's presumably going to spend a lot of time around Makayla, and so forth, will probably get a lot of firsthand experience of seeing racism or it's affects. Like I know we wish he'd see if bc of Kev, and he does with a lot, just not other stuff, but it's different when you're seeing it through the eyes of a little kid, not a grown adult. And I think this will make Adam a lot more humble, which will help patch things up between him and Kevin.

And then there's Kim. People often forget how when you have multiple white friends, when you're hurt, your more knowledgeable friend steps in. Kim gets this stuff a lot more than Adam, even if she can never understand like Kev, and so I can COMPLETELY see her teaching Adam more stuff. Like because she'd want to help her boys, because Adam's a part of Makayla's life, because Kevin shouldn't HAVE to be the one to educate Adam, whereas Kim can bring him up to her own level, and that's when they rely on Kev.

So I think overall, I'm not that conflicted over PD because I'm really hoping this will spark deeper conversations and that Adam will grovel and fix his ignorant stances. And I hope to god they let Kevin heal and forgive in the way he should be allowed to.

I have a LOT more thoughts on this, including how I hate that they only show Adam's ignorance when a lot of the unit is also Not Great, and about partnerships and how Jay and Kev should be going forward. But this is getting really long now, so I won't delve into that or this any further. But I might, especially if it's wanted, because I have so many thoughts.

Also, thank you for sending me this ask!! I am ALWAYS comfortable sharing my thoughts on this fandom (about anything really, racism, sexism, ships ect) but especially the racism and the racial storylines and issues. Sorry it took so long to answer; I've been thinking on it all day, wanting to give you the best answer I could!!

[raimi]

for the profile thing minato akiyama, love our problematic king ✊😔 also michael morton and yes i chose them purely bc of the word worm

hi @hakaieve!

Full Name: Minato Akiyama

Gender and Sexuality: male, bi aro

Pronouns: he/him

Ethnicity/Species: Japanese

Birthplace and Birthdate: He was born in Japan (idk where though), but I don’t keep a record of OC birthdays for the most part.

Guilty Pleasures: Minato likes watching horrible cliche shoujo romance anime.

Phobias: No actual phobias, but he has an extreme fear of being hurt or betrayed by others to the point of developing PPD.

What They Would Be Famous For: Acting.

What They Would Get Arrested For:

OC You Ship Them With: nope

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Ekaki :P

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Crime (but not stories heavily based in reality)

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Because of his experiences, Minato is very cynical about The Power Of Friendship stuff, but it can be enjoyable sometimes when it’s safely in a fictional context. Heroes turning on their former friends or “evil all along” reveals, however, hit home too hard for him and can cause him to drop media entirely.

Talents and/or Powers: Minato is an extremely skilled actor and voice actor. One might even call his talent... Ultimate.

Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s a popular and good-looking actor, and he’s also a sadboy.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: He can be kinda horrible sometimes.

How They Change: Depending on the story, he might get better at managing his paranoia and start developing actual bonds with other people, or he might get in such bad shape that he decides to betray everyone else before they can hurt him.

Why You Love Them: idk man he’s an older DR OC and I care him a lot also he deserves better

-

Full Name: Dr. Michael Morton, DVM

Gender and Sexuality: Male, his sexuality isn’t important to the story

Pronouns: he/him

Ethnicity/Species: Whenever I try to give him one my brain rejects it. He might be biracial? But I have no idea what his heritage is.

Birthplace and Birthdate: USA, ???

Guilty Pleasures: Not sure how guilty of a pleasure it is, but he probably likes TMA and jokes to his daughter about being an Avatar of the Corruption.

Phobias: Again, no phobias, but what he fears most is losing his mind to his disease and harming the people he cares about.

What They Would Be Famous For: As Dr. Worm, superheroing. As Michael Morton, not really anything.

What They Would Get Arrested For: property damage or potentially possession of illegal drugs

OC You Ship Them With: none

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: any supervillain from his world

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: well given I said he likes TMA. Horror I guess.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: the villains always being the ones with academic titles

Talents and/or Powers: Fungal manipulation. He can’t use it too much, though, as the more he utilizes his powers the stronger his infection grows.

Why Someone Might Love Them: They have taste <3

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Idk, they hate superheroes in general?

How They Change: He’s a grown adult with a daughter, so his personality is pretty established. Most of his change is navigating what he’s going to do with his life now that he can’t practice medicine for fear of infecting his patients.

Why You Love Them: Dr. Worm my beloved

[his-mother-is-lightning]

If you enjoyed my nonsense about Aziraphale loving grad students then look no further, I have something even better.  That’s right, I have some ‘furiously doting Crowley’ shenanigans for you

- If you ask Crowley, he will say that he loves college kids because they’re an amazing source of bad ideas and poor decision making. They’re hormonal, stressed, and usually inebriated right at this pivotal moment in their lives - what more could a demon want? And best of all? It was programmed in humans at the very beginning. It was enough to make you wonder what a certain Someone was thinking when they made that decision.

- Aziraphale does not wonder. It’s part of the great Ineffable Plan. The reasoning will become clear to him… eventually. Hopefully.

- Many drunk students over the decades have stumbled out of a bar or party alone, miles away from their beds. They may notice a taxi cab idling just around the corner, light on, waiting for passengers. The window is open and the driver calls out to them as they pass by, offering them a ride home. When you wake up after a night of heavy drinking, you can’t expect to remember much of anything but you can’t help wondering how you paid or why the driver didn’t ask for their address. But with a massive hangover and some social damage control to do, it’s quickly forgotten

- Days or even weeks later, you will find a little business card tucked away in their bag or pocket is black with the words ‘Don’t Be An Idiot’ and the number of a cab company. This company will bring drunk young people home for free, thanks to charitable organization that funds the program. If pressed for details about this charity, the employee will offer to transfer you to the person in charge. You can listen to the tinny, musak cover of ‘Margaritaville’ as long as you want, it doesn’t matter. The call always drops.

- There are tiny slips of paper hidden all around the Fell & Co. bookshop. Between book pages, tucked underneath coasters, crumpled up at the back of a desk drawer. They are coupons, every one unique with its own uniquely hideous design. If you find one, you will be surprised to see that it’s 75%, 90%, off for college textbooks at your local (non-antiquarian) bookstore. It’s always your local bookstore, actually, regardless of where you live. [1]

- Crowley likes to remind everyone that he is a very mean, nasty demon who causes chaos and destruction wherever he goes. Aziraphale likes to remind him of that incident in the 1890s when a young theology student’s beau stormed into the store. He was shouting and threatening violence and shoving books onto the floor as he advanced on the poor, trembling student. It was obvious something had to be done but before Aziraphale could do anything, the awful man cried out in pain and started hopping on one foot, shouting about something biting him.

He still remembers the look on the students face (Jim? Or Jill, he can’t recall) when the brute screamed in terror as a long, black snake slithers across his chest and out behind his neck. There was a moment of shock before Jim or Jill burst out laughing. As the snake slithered down his arm to the shelf nearby, the whole store erupted in laughter. This snake avoided the human hands that tried to pet him, hissed at their cooing compliments and bared his fangs, but no one was afraid. Especially not when it took to napping on the table by the door and hissing at new customers.

- Crowley has no idea what the angel is talking about. On a completely unrelated note the student’s name was Meredith and they went on to teach a course on demonic symbolism in literature at Cambridge. Or so he heard.

- it’s not until the whole “Prepare to Die Fools you shall all peri-, psych! did you really think we were going to end the world? oh man, you should have seen your face” mess was over that Crowley spent any time in the bookshop when it was actually open. That is, not as a snake. It was only after they all didn’t die that Crowley came to the shop shaped like a person.

- those students that recognized the Bentley parked outside started to pack up. The man came inside, calling out ‘Angel’ and waving his hand vaguely in their direction. Suddenly, those students were very interested in staying for a while, maybe play games on their phone for a few minutes as a well deserved break. They returned to their work eventually, annoyed with themselves for procrastinating. Mugs of cocoa appeared, sloshing a little as they ‘thunk’ed onto their coasters. Mr. Fell had asked his friend to serve cocoa which he did as dramatically as possible, sneering at everyone and ‘thunk’ing mugs as loudly as possible. You might have been afraid of this angry man but you can see Mr. Fell in the background smiling fondly at his friend. That initial unease evaporates and you smile at the man. He makes a face and sticks out his tongue at you before turning away. If you noticed that tongue didn’t look normal, you decide it’s not important and go back to work.

1. Crowley invented coupons. The trick, he had explained to the brainless masses of hell during his bi-annual progress report, was the expiration date. You get the human’s hopes up, they think that they’re going to save a little money. Feel oh-so-clever until WHAM. It’s past the expiration date. Humans are so easily distracted. they forget all about it until it’s too late. And there’s that lovely moment of frustration when they find it at the bottom of their bag, reminding them it’s all their fault. It’s just like when one sidewalk segment is slightly taller than the other - a little nudge of anger and frustration ripples outwards all day, passing from one angry human to another. And they do it to themselves!

Hell had not appreciated Crowley’s idea about the sidewalk pavers, and considered the coupon-scheme too complicated to have any real affect. In protest, Crowley invented the manufacturers coupon but that went south quickly, arguments and fights breaking out faster than he predicted. Heaven quickly retaliated and invented the gift card. At this point, it is considered a draw with no points to either side.

#az fell & co #valued customers tag #bc students are the only costumers aziraphale wants in his shop #crowley misses the kids during holidays#but then they bring xmas gifts #crowley tries to make some scathing comment about commercialism and jesus' actual birthdate #but a bunch of them pooled their money together to buy crowley a nice big rock to sun on #err #not for crowley #for the snake #it's a snake gift #for snakes #who miss sunning out in the Garden# i'm not crying angel #you're crying #shut up

[ellasfm]

» • * — ( elle fanning , cis female , she/her ) . i think i hear wait a minute by willow coming from apartment 2611. doesn’t eloise miller live there ?? i heard they are a twenty-two year old author from wayzata, mn , but they’ve been living in the apartments for two months . they come across a bit - anxious and - pessimistic , but they also seem like they could be + intuitive and + patient . whenever i see them , i think of a silver heart-shaped locket, stacks and stacks of books, small acts of rebellion. oh , and don’t forget to follow them on instagram at eloise.b.morris ! ooc . ally, 22, est, she/her .

hello y’all, back with my impulsively picked up second muse ! she’s actually an older muse i revamped to be a little less sad and i think i nailed it !!! details under the cut, like this post for me to hyu for plots !!! 

full statistics | full biography | pinterest | wanted connections 

tw panic attacks, psychological abuse, eating disorders, 

statistics.

full name. eloise bethany morris. nickname(s). ella. occupation. author.  age. twenty-two. date of birth. september 2nd, 1997. nationality. american. ethnicity. white | scottish, english, french.  orientation. bisexual/sapphic, with a preference for women.  gender & pronouns. cis female; she/her/hers. religion. agnostic.

height. 5’9”. weight. 125 lbs. eye color. green. hair color + style. flaxen blonde, relatively thin, usually up in a bun, braids, or pleats.  dominant hand. right-handed. distinguishing features. deep-set eyes, willowy frame, pale skin. 

biography. 

ella’s upbringing was super... lonely, honestly. both of her sisters were basically adults by the time she was born, and never really interacted with her since they didn’t like her father’s second wife, ella’s mother. and with good reason. 

if you thought zar’s mom was bad, get a load of heather morris. intent on living through her only daughter, ella was brought up to be a perfect little lady. a dancer, a star student, one of the most popular girls in her class. she was the first two things, but was never the third. she reeked of insecurity, and as a result was bullied throughout most of school. 

even worse, her mom would force her to go to events where her bullies were, because those were the girls heather thought ella ought to be friends with. needless to say, they didn’t go very well. the only things her mother ever gave her were anxiety, deep-seated self-loathing, and an eating disorder she only overcame about two years ago. 

ella’s one and only escape was books, she always had one on her person from the time she was five. for a long time, the closest things she had to friends were her favorite characters: matilda wormwood, hermione granger, and liesel meminger, among others. as a child, she dreamed of writing books like that, to help other little girls just like these authors helped her. 

ella has always been a massive romantic, falling in love with every friendly face. and everyone she’s ever loved wormed their way into her heart, and to get it out, she decided to write. about the what-ifs and the maybe-so’s. 

despite taking ballet lessons her entire school career, as per her mother’s request, she didn’t get into the american ballet company as her mother wished. her mom honestly wasn’t even that proud when she got a perfect sat score on her first try, nor when she got into harvard. 

if she wasn’t going to be a dancer, she was going to be a lawyer, and her mother pushed her to get perfect grades in school. she hoped she would flourish at university, but she... kinda fell apart. we’re talking daily panic attacks, a crippling caffeine addiction, and her anorexia getting so bad she ended up in the fucking hospital her freshman year. despite that, she never missed a single deadline, functioning like a machine. and that was all that was important to her mother. 

her sophomore year, though, she took a creative writing class, and when the ta read some of her work, she told her that she had a lot of potential and if she should continue down that road, the ta would like to be her advisor. that little bit of encouragement was all it took to reignite her dream of being an author. 

writing became her therapy again, along with, thankfully, actual therapy. sure, school still made her anxious wreck, but ella was doing better. bit by bit, step by step. the summer before senior year, her advisor told her that she sent ella’s latest transcript to a friend of hers in publishing, and that she wanted to talk. she wanted to hold off for now, unsure what to do, until she got her lsat results back over thanksgiving break. she’d failed. 

it was then, with her mother berating her non-stop as per usual, that ella decided she was going to publish. she walked out of the house with her mother still yelling, feeling freer than she ever had. 

the day after her commencement, ella moved into a shitty apartment in boston and got to work with the publisher to get the book finished as quickly as possible. thanks to her advisor, it required minimal editing, and they had the first print sent to ella by the end of october. 

on november 15th, the ipswich girls by eloise b. morris was officially for sale nationwide, and by its second week, it was a new york time’s bestseller. the last few months have been a world wind for ella, of book signings and award ceremonies and realizing with every young fan of hers that she’d achieved her dream. 

now, she’s moved into new york city, a dream come true, and shortly after, she realized her publisher expected her to write a second book. she’s... still pretty paralyzed about that, trying to come up with something to top the ipswich girls, but... she’s trying. kinda. maybe. mostly panicking. 

tl;dr: girl with strict mother finds freedom in books, becomes an author, writes a bestseller out of college, now is expected to repeat that success lmao fun.

personality. 

lets get the zodiac out of the way: virgo sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising. 

she’s... still very much a Good Girl, and she wants to change that, she wants to be her own person. 

like in january she got a tattoo in feminine script on her wrist that said ‘i belong deeply to myself’ and the entire time she felt like a Bad Girl okay????? and she just started smoking weed and that also makes her feel like a Bad Girl 

still pretty anxious, but she’s getting better. she’s on medication, now, and usually does something impulsive whenever she feels bad. or she writes. it’s fifty-fifty. 

very organized, almost to the point of being anal. 

very weird, abstract, neo-dadaist sense of humor. like stonks makes her wheeze.

she’s basically a big fuckin nerd okay??????????? 

usually very chill and relaxed, doesn’t get riled up too easily. it’s hard to tell when she’s having a panic attack because she just looks a little more zoned out than usual.  

cannot fucking flirt like at all. 

Big Virgin. 

her guilty pleasure is watching compilations of fox news pundits railing on and on about how the ipswich girls was written to promote witchcraft and the lesbian agenda. 

(also if you’re curious i put a summary of the ipswich girls here, even though its only bits and pieces but like if you’re curious. it’s basically the craft with fifteen-year-old girls, and also gayer. tw for suicide mention, brain damage and injuries. ) 

wanted connections. 

fast friend. someone who she got along with immediately upon coming to new york. 

childhood pen pal. i just think it’d be cute. 

crush. ella flirts by gazing tenderly across the room. 

philophobe. ella loves love, and this person doesn’t. for better or for worse, she’ll try to convince them otherwise. 

bad influence. and she is very willing to be influenced. 

wing(wo)man. she’s so bad at flirting please. somebody. anybody. 

deja vu. a negative connection; someone ella can’t get comfy around bc they remind her of her childhood bully. 

former dance rivals. ella used to do the competition circuit in ballet. she wasn’t particularly competitive, but her mom certainly was. probably a real dance moms situation. 

[jumpboy-rembrandt]

hey do yall wanna hear an au idea i’ve had abt the seven birds as a superhero team? the plot is constantly changing, but here’s what i’ve got (warning it’s a lot and bullet points are used gratuitously):

an alien object falls to the earth, breaking apart as it falls. it scatters around a small city, and the pieces seem to hone in on the nearest living human once they near the ground.

(psst – this is the light of creation)

these seven (mostly) unrelated people slowly realize that they now have…unusual abilities

another alien entity follows, and its agents begin wreaking havoc around this city searching for the missing pieces of the light

(psst – this is the hunger)

individually, each person touched by the light ventures out to fight off these beings, especially since they themselves tend to be targeted.

these agents can get a vague sense of where the shards are, but not who exactly has them. thus, there is some degree of investigation done to find the individuals.

said agents can either be sentient or monster-like

the light-holders are all disguised as they fight – some for anonymity, some so that these agents have more trouble seeking them out, and some just because it seems like the right thing to do.

none of them knew each other before now, but they cross paths often enough that they realize they should probably group up.

most of them want to keep their identities secret, so they agree to do that while also making a few other decisions:

they should all have each others’ numbers. they won’t seek each other out, but it is important to keep in contact.

they should get better costumes (a plea from taako, who subsequently makes them)

they should have a theme

so they decide upon uniform colors and the title of “seven birds” because…idk, maybe they all like how poetic it sounds?

anyway, here’s a breakdown of each member:

magnus was struck by the light while sparring with carey behind their apartment complex. he was knocked over and carey kinda panicked?? but then he got up and said “did you do that?” and she responded “how would i hurl something at you from the sky, you’re fucking huge” and they moved past it

carey and magnus are roommates, so she’s the first one to notice when he starts accidentally breaking things and can knock her down more easily.

the weirdest part was when he was carving a little figurine and she jumped up behind him – to be fair, she thought he was drawing plans for something at the carpentry shop. they both saw the knife go directly towards his fingers and…bounce off. being magnus, he immediately tried to stab his hand and nothing happened. carey, being carey, poked the edge to see if it was dull and, ow, no, it wasn’t.

so, magnus has super strength and armor-like skin. a downside to this is that the changes weren’t entirely magic (think commitment), so he has to eat a lot more than usual and that’s. not insignificant.

the superhero name he chooses is eagle, which he called out immediately bc he wanted the best bird. his color theme is orange. his uniform doesn’t have sleeves, and it was a struggle for taako to even make him wear a shirt.

merle was hiking through the woods, and when he got hit he actually blacked out for a little bit. he woke up in a bed of flowers and, huh, that’s really convenient how it broke my fall

he works part time as an EMT and spends the rest working in a plant nursery. i. think you can guess how he notices what’s going on.

merle’s power is accelerating and manipulating organic growth, which means that he can both control plants and heal wounds. this does take a physical toll, as it is his energy being transferred. he also needs to eat a lot.

his superhero name is dove bc ~peace~ and stuff. his color theme is, naturally, green.

taako and lup were. uh. not getting in trouble. they were just having a misunderstanding. fortunately, said misunderstanding was not as fast as they were bc the misunderstanding was missing their shoes. they stumbled and fell as the light split at the last second and hit them both, but they quickly jumped back to their feet, turned a corner, and were home free.

both of them are studying masters level chemistry, so their discoveries are in public and require a bit of covering up. taako was trying to work out the chemical structure of a fairly simple crystal when it moved. he jumped, then tried it again, and found out that he could even separate out certain parts without needing a reactant.

lup gets bored waiting for a solution to boil and suddenly it explodes

taako’s power is manipulating chemical structures and lup’s is causing combustion or explosions. both require a knowledge of chemistry; taako has to understand the structure of what he’s moving or separating, and lup needs to know about boiling/ignition points and pressure changes etc. again; the energy comes from them. you get the point by now, i think.

taako is starling and purple, and lup is phoenix and red.

they both have pockets containing little beads of easy-to-change materials if they can’t find anything else to use

barry is a phd student, and was in the basement bio lab of the local university when the light phased through the ceiling and hit him. he stumbled backwards and fortunately didn’t hurt himself, bc he basically lives in there and no one would check on him for a while.

the next time he’s forced into a university function, he’s shrinking against a wall wishing he wasn’t there, and then he…isn’t. he falls over into the next room bc he just went through the wall.

i’ll be honest – barry basically has danny phantom powers. the tricky bit is that if he’s exhausted, instead of losing his powers, he can’t keep a physical form very well. finally, a reason for this man to get some sleep already.

his codename is nightingale and his color is blue. thank goodness he can make his clothes and glasses ghost with him, or else he’d be recognizable and useless.

davenport was relaxing with a short flight just outside of town. he notices some strange lights, then realizes one is coming towards him, then barely manages to keep the plane from crashing when it hits him in the head. he quickly lands and checks the plane for damage, but there’s no trace of it.

his mind is wandering during a pretty boring meeting one day when everyone suddenly stops. davenport tunes in and notices that, um, there’s a small boat appearing to float across the table. this completely snaps him out of his thoughts, and it disappears. it’s a good thing the old people on the board like to brush over unexplainable things, bc after a few moments, the meeting picks back up.

he works at a nerd museum. he mostly enjoys it, but also wants to save up enough to move to the coast.

his power is creating illusions and, depending on his energy, materializing them. the illusions barely cost anything, but the materialization is really draining.

his hero name is canary and his color theme is gold.

i wanted it to be albatross at first, but that sounded a little…eh? i liked canary better, esp since it’s yellow

+ instead of having half the symbolism of a curse, it symbolizes freedom!! i think that’s an important dav trait.

finally, lucretia was riding home on her bike and, unlike dav, did crash. strangely, she and her bike were totally unharmed.

lucretia works part-time as a secretary to save up for college, while also working at a bookstore bc she is a Nerd. she got lost in the Deep Shelves and, when a pile of books fell and set off a domino effect, she stretched out her hands to stop them – and they actually did stop.

lucretia can create force fields of any shape, and move them around. that may seem simple, but she can ride them like a hover board, trap people, and, if she’s strong enough, slice things.

her superhero name is bluejay and her color is teal.

other characters include:

julia, magnus’s coworker/boss’s daughter, and they’ve been in love since forever. when the light stuff started though, magnus figured he should slow down.

…yeah, she figures it out pretty soon. magnus is bad at keeping secrets.

carey, magnus’s roommate and constant alibi/excuse-maker/back-up

killian, who works security at the business lucretia secretaries at, and keeps bringing her out to social stuff bc the girl needs it. they also talk abt girls a lot bc they’re both Gay™ – lucretia especially enjoys teasing killian about carey with the “really great calves” from the gym.

killian accidentally said weird shit when first gushing about her and, of course, lucretia will never forget it

noelle was saved by the team from whatever the hell lucas ends up doing in this au. carey offers to share her room, esp since magnus is uh. working a little more irregularly these days and they could use the split rent.

noelle and carey also talk about girls, including killian who could “probably throw me across a room” from the gym.

angus was looking into all this nonsense and figured it was easiest to track down twins who seem to know a lot about chemistry. it wasn’t too hard. taako and lup were appalled that his parents Just Let Him Do That and so there’s a 50/50 chance that angus is in their spare room at any given time.

listen they got a two-bedroom apartment, but apparently they’re still too clingy to sleep alone. nerds.

ren is taako’s coworker and best friend. she knows Something is up, but isn’t entirely sure What. she also knows better than to try and find out. taako will tell her when he tells her.

honestly i low low lowkey dig the idea of noelle/ren but you didn’t hear that from me. if it happens to show up though. oh well.

avi makes frequent deliveries for the hammer and tongs, and is pretty tight with magnus. he’s even tighter with magnus’s dogs, which stay at the h&t bc his apartment is run by ruthless monsters.

johann is the town’s dramatic and overtalented musician, who is almost always in the background. i’m not sure what his deal is, but he sure is good at music.

hurley is a cop who keeps trying to figure out what is going on, but isn’t having much luck

artemis sterling is the very frustrated mayor

certain people are given powers by the hunger, a la hawk moth. these include gundren, magic brian, jenkins, sloane, the hammerheads, cpt cpt bane, lucas, etc.

the major manifestation of the hunger is john, but only merle manages to see him.

unlike miraculous, the hunger is dangerous to its hosts if they become disagreeable. the birds can save the people possessed, but it’s not easy.

there are Mysterious Third Parties that can grant additional powers

one is known as the raven queen. she grants kravitz the power to possess non-organic materials, as well as a scythe that can temporarily dislocate souls and do mild portal shit.

kravitz was a coroner trying to get a gig in the orchestra, but then he almost died and the raven queen resurrected him and he’s got a really strong sense of duty so he’s doing this now, he guesses. at least he still gets to have a normal life when he isn’t busy.

i like to think that after sloane rejects the hunger, the raven queen scoops her up and also grants the ability to possess non-organic objects. she was a good mechanic before, and is super good now. she gets hurley to give up on the whole investigation thing and join her and they live happily ever after, and also kick the occasional ass.

at first, RQ’s orders are to retrieve the light so it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands, but taako persuades kravitz that the birds are able to use it to defeat the hunger once and for all.

after that, the mission is just to keep as many people out of danger as possible.

istus and pan can also grant powers, but i’m not sure how they’d fit in yet

more random facts:

taako, lup, and barry are actually at the same university even though they never see each other. the mascot is a mongoose.

at some point the bio and chem departments are doing a joint conference thing. taako and lup are wandering around while spamming the birds’ group chat with really awful memes with magnus. meanwhile, barry is trying his best to ignore his constantly-vibrating phone as he talks to a professor about something actually important.

do they find each other in this truly ridiculous way? You Decide.

lucas is in the same department as barry, and even though he’s kind of a genius, he is also. how you say. a dick.

ren and taako work as chefs at the davy lamp. ren is almost definitely going to own it one day, and taako is proud of her.

lucretia and magnus meet via carey and killian, and quickly become close friends. because magnus is incapable of keeping a secret from anyone he knows, she finds out that he’s eagle and so they now know each other’s secret identities.

anyway that’s all i’ve got for now, thanks for coming to my ted talk

[arofili]

Innumerable Stars 2021 Letter

Hello lovely creator, thanks for writing for me in Innumerable Stars 2020! I’m very excited and grateful for whatever you create for me <3

This letter will restate my DNWs, list my likes, give you a brief rundown of my canon preferences, and then dive into specific prompts for each of my requests. I’ll warn you upfront that I tend to ramble, so feel free to skip prompts that don’t interest you and/or use ctrl+F to search for whatever it is you want to write for. I’ve named each of my requests based on the basic idea within it, so hopefully that will be helpful for you!

~

Housekeeping

DNWs:

non-con/dub-con

ABO (heat fic is fine)

food involved in sex

abusive/neglectful parenting (especially not with Fëanor; Eöl is the only exception, but even then don’t dwell on it)

sibling incest and parent-child incest (cousin incest is fine)

unhappy/unhopeful endings (unless requested)

jealousy

possessiveness EXCEPT with Russingon, for some reason I love it with those two

cheating

character or ship bashing

hanahaki or any scenario where unrequited love is physically damaging

soulmates, especially soulmate AUs BUT soul bonds are excellent as long as there is an element of choice involved

unrequested modern AU

non-trans mpreg

if you are writing a slash ship where the characters are/were married to/involved with someone outside of the ship in canon, please don’t have the character(s) hate their spouse or not have been actually in love with them. The only exception to this is Finrod; I’m fine with him and Amárië not having been actually in love, but don’t do this for anyone else, especially not Fëanor.

Hobbit/LOTR-specific DNWs:

the concept of a dwarven “One”

any Fíli pairing, even in reference

Alfrid

Legolas or Gimli paired with anyone other than each other

mortals dying super quickly in Valinor

unrequested smut

Silm-specific DNWs:

evil/irredeemable/incel Maeglin

Elwing bashing

Fëanorian bashing

over-the-top Fëanorian apologism (they did bad stuff; it was at least partially their fault. you don’t have to address that, necessarily, but don’t rewrite the story to claim they were blameless)

Fingon with a wife

Fingon or Maedhros ships that don’t take Russingon into account (polyamory, an open relationship, Mae with someone after Finno dies or vice versa for an AU, them with other people while they’re separated on the Ice/in Angband - all of these scenarios are fine, but in the end I need them to be with each other first and foremost)

dark!Maedhros

elvish re-embodiment after death being an actual, literal rebirth that requires the characters to have a second childhood; I much prefer them being granted a new hröa in their prime (feel free to explore what “in their prime” means, though, especially wrt scarred and disabled elves)

~

Likes:

queer headcanons, especially aromantic-spectrum headcanons & trans/nonbinary headcanons

trans/nonbinary pregnancy and parenthood

found family

queerplatonic relationships

kidfic

angst with a happy ending

gray morality

explorations of magic

most tropes

fanon and fandom tropes

deconstruction/inversion of fanon and fandom tropes

secret relationships

secret kids (especially secret peredhil)

giving ships OC kids

confessions of love

first times

hurt/comfort

redemption, forgiveness, mercy

ironic foreshadowing

canon divergence AUs and X Lives AUs

fairy tale AUs

politics and scheming

resolving conflicting canonical details

names fitting the time period (Quenya names in Valinor, please; if this is difficult for you, that’s okay, no pressure, but I do strongly prefer it)

choice of character names having a lot of thought put behind them (does the character go back to their original Quenya name upon rebirth? or do they keep their Sindarin name? or come up with something else entirely? do they hate their new Sindarin name and resent having to use it, or do they embrace it? As long as you put some thought into it, I’m sure I’ll like whatever you decide!)

author’s notes where you explain your thought process, if you want; I love hearing how the story took shape!

~

Preferences re: canon:

LaCE compliance is always completely optional. If you do want to include it, that’s great, but if you just want the characters to fuck without having that be an issue, go for it. I love explorations of LaCE that take into account the exceptions, boundaries, definitions, etc; I also love takes that emphasize that they are Laws and Customs, not biological imperatives.

I’m not picky about my Amrod deaths. He can die at either Losgar or Sirion (or, hell, some other time/place if you make it interesting enough!), whatever works best for the story. I do like Lightly Toasted Amrod, aka he almost burns to death at Losgar but survives/gets rescued at the last minute.

Gil-galad theories are all very fun. Please don’t make him the son of Fingon and a wife; if he’s Fingon’s son, I want Maedhros to be involved at least a little bit (adoption or trans mpreg are both fine in this scenario). Otherwise, I don’t have a particular preference, though if it’s not really relevant I usually default to the son of Orodreth (who is in turn the son of Angrod).

Honestly, when it comes to theories and headcanons, my rule of thumb is “convince me”! I’m down for whatever, for the most part, as long as you can justify it :)

~~~

LOTR Books Request

Gigolas tags: Gimli, Legolas, Group: Gimli & Legolas, Group: Gimli/Legolas, Group: Gimli/Legolas & Glóin, Group: Gimli/Legolas & Thranduil, Group: Legolas & Aragorn & Gimli, Group: Glóin & Thranduil, Original Dwarf of Aglarond, Original Elf of Ithilien Suggested worldbuilding tags: Battle of Dale, Differences in Elvish & Dwarvish Histories, Fall of Dol Guldur, Interspecies Relationships, Queerplatonic Relationships, Rebuilding of Ithilien

All Gigolas is good Gigolas, and you can quote me on that - but I do have a soft spot for queerplatonic Gigolas, and I might die of happiness if you wrote me some :) I love elf/dwarf relationships, and cultural differences leading to miscommunication is one of my favorite tropes for this ship.

For the “& Thranduil” and “& Glóin” I’d love to see some “telling the family” scenarios, with Thranduil and Glóin coming to terms with their sons’ relationship. For “& Aragorn” I was imagining a Three (or Four, if you want to keep Boromir alive!) Hunters situation with Aragorn third wheeling them (and/or commiserating with Boromir about how terrible their friends are at expressing their feelings).

I’m very interested in Legolas and Gimli’s new homes post-War, how much time they spent visiting each other and how much time they spent apart, etc. I would love to see an outside POV of Gigolas, what their friends and subordinates think of this odd couple; perhaps an elf of Ithilien and a dwarf of Aglarond strike up a friendship and gossip about their lords! I’d also be interested in Gimli and Legolas visiting their original homes, meeting one another’s parents, and helping rebuild after the Battle of Dale / Fall of Dol Guldur.

I would also love to see an exploration of dwarf/elf relationships and the difficulties that would arise from that. Legolas’ father is a Sinda of Doriath who remembers the Battle of the Thousand Caves, and I headcanon that Gimli’s mother is descended from the dwarves of Nogrod who were involved in that debacle, so them coming to terms with that difficult history (and how that history differs) between their peoples would be really interesting.

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Gildor Inglorion

...okay, so this is technically a Silm request dressed up as a LOTR request, but I would really love to see an exploration of Gildor’s origins! I have a few concepts for how he can be  “of the House of Finarfin,” mostly relating to this Inglor figure who is his father. I think Inglor was either the son of Finrod and trans!Bëor (and thus the first peredhel) or the son of Aegnor and Andreth; either way, he was raised mostly by Finrod. But who is Inglor’s spouse/Gildor’s other parent? (Edrahil, maybe?) How did Gildor survive the Fall of Nargothrond, or was he born afterwards? Where did he live in the Third Age? Who was awaiting him when he arrived in Aman?

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Took Fairy Wife

I think this concept is fascinating, and I’d love to hear the story of a hobbit/elf romance! Perhaps Pippin or Frodo tell this story to the Fellowship? I also have the headcanon that since Durin I “woke alone,” his spouse was also an elf, so maybe Gimli could throw in that legend as well.

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Group: Last Prince of Cardolan/Lady of the Blue Brooch Suggested worldbuilding tags: Barrow-downs and Barrow-wights, Necromancy and Hauntings, Sentient Weapons & Jewelry

I’ve recently become a little bit obsessed with the concept of the Last Prince and the Lady of the Blue Brooch being star-crossed lovers. We have conflicting accounts of the Last Prince’s demise, and I’d love to see those reconciled into one story; we also know that the Prince was buried in the barrow-downs, where the Lady’s blue brooch was found. How did that end up there - was it a token she gave to him before his death? Did she visit his grave after it was too late? How did Tom and Goldberry know her? Maybe they are the ones to tell this story to some hobbitish traveler through the Old Forest... I do have my own version of this story, if you’d like to borrow some ideas from there, but feel free to make up your own thing too!

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Group: Eldarion/Elboron

I just think they’re cute :) I like the idea that Eldarion’s heir is not his own child, but the child of one of his sisters, and that Elboron had a sister who was the parent of Barahir of Ithilien, so these two can be gay together. Of course, you could also make one of them trans and have Eldarion’s heir and Barahir be siblings! Or you can explore the beginnings of their relationship - just a cute get-together story would be wonderful.

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Worldbuilding: Arwen reforged Narsil

This is such a neat concept - I would love to see Fëanorian Arwen (bc Kidnap Dads) going full smith mode and personally reforging Narsil into Andúril for her boyfriend. Arwen embracing her dual kinship as both the descendant of Lúthien and the descendant of Maedhros and Maglor would be amazing (especially if Maglor is hanging around in Rivendell). Bonus points if Narsil used to be Maedhros’ sword, and that’s how it got passed down to Elros!

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Hobbit Movies Request

Kiliel tags: Fíli, Kíli, Tauriel, Group: Fíli & Kíli, Group: Kíli/Tauriel, Group: Kíli/Tauriel & Fíli Suggested worldbuilding tags: Almost Everyone Lives AU, Kíli's Runestone, Worldbuilding: Tauriel goes to Erebor AU

I’m a basic bitch when it comes to Kiliel stuff: give me fluff, give me angst with a mostly-happy ending, give me Fíli being exasperated by his brother’s romantic drama! I would be interested in an AU where Thorin dies but Fíli and Kíli survive, and King Fíli has to deal with Kíli’s love life causing political problems; I’d also love to see an AU where Tauriel goes to Erebor with Kíli, Fíli, Bofur, and Óin after the lakeshore scene. And anything surrounding the magic of Kíli’s runestone would be very welcome - perhaps it really was cursed/enchanted, and by giving it to Tauriel, Kíli lost the protection Dís had placed upon him and passed it to her. What if Tauriel had returned it before the end - would Kíli have lived, and she died? Or, in a canon scenario (in this case, full angst is welcome) what if Tauriel and Dís met and talked about the stone and its properties?

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Hilda Bianca

I just think she’s neat. I’d love to see her getting involved in the politics of a rebuilt Dale, either collaborating with or causing problems for Bard. Her being a mentor figure for Sigrid and Tilda would also be great.

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Book of Lost Tales Request

Group: Ómar & Salmar

Ómar Amillo and Salmar Lirillo were brothers in early stages of the Legendarium - I would love to see that explored in a more Slim-compliant verse, where they are both Maiar. Ómar could be a Maia of Ulmo, like Salmar is, or a Maia of some other Vala. Music and water are intrinsically connected in Arda’s makeup, so Ómar as a being of song and Salmar as a being of water would be really cool to see explored somehow!

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Meril-i-Turinqi

Another really neat character!! I headcanon that she is the child of a grandson of Olwë and a granddaughter of Ingwë. How did she rise to power on Tol Eressëa? What are her relationships with her great-grandfathers? Is she friends with other influential elf-women - perhaps Elenwë or Amárië or Galadriel?

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Silm Requests Russingon Request

Russingon tags: Maedhros, Fingon, Group: Fingon/Maedhros, Original Character from Himring, Group: Fingon/Finrod/Maedhros Suggested worldbuilding tags: Elven Gender Constructs, Hair and customs/kinks around it, LaCE as a social construct, Melotorni & Meletheldi, Onnalúmë

Russingon is my OTP, I just love them a lot!! I adore both plot-heavy explorations of their characters and relationship and more slice-of-life fluff/angst/porn stuff without any particular story behind it. If I need comfort fic this pairing is my go-to, and I’d love to have more of that to come back to. PWP would be welcome; plot is also excellent and I’m sure to enjoy that too. I’m always a sucker for falling in love / confessions of love / first times, but ESPECIALLY for Russingon; the beginning of their love story is something I’ll never get tired of. Established relationship, reunions (after the Ice/Angband or after time spent apart in Hithlum/Himring or after leaving the Halls or another scenario) are also amazing. The secret relationship aspect of this ship is very fun, both keeping things secret and having their secret come to light. If you wanted to invert that trope, though, I would definitely enjoy that; something like a fake dating AU or an arranged marriage AU or a situation where they get pregnant and have to tell people. It would also be great to see them trying (and failing) to keep their relationship a secret while they are in Beleriand - outsider POV from a resident of Himring would be great here! I like scenarios where they’re married, and I like scenarios where they’re not married, whichever floats your boat will be excellent. Honestly, I’m likely to enjoy almost any Russingon content you write; I just… *clenches fist* love them… If you wanted to explore a queerplatonic interpretation of them that would be really cool, but I do love love love romantic/sexual Russingon and would be overjoyed to have any content about them! In my DNW I mentioned that I don’t like the concept of soulmates (for Aro Reasons) so please steer clear of that, but having Mae and Finno choose each other over and over again and that affecting their soul bond/mental connection might just bring me to tears ;-;

I adore Fingon on his own - he’s brave and valiant and good-hearted and deserved better ;-; If you wanted to write a Fingon-focused story that touches on his time as a prince or a king or adjusting to re-embodied life in Valinor or his relationships with people other than Maedhros, I am sure to love that.

Maedhros is probably my favorite character in the Silm. I love his character arc, the fire symbolism, his trauma and recovery, his relationship with his brothers and his cousins, his time helping Maglor care for Elrond and Elros - really all of his story. For this exchange I’d rather not receive a fic focused on his time in Angband or his death; I can enjoy fics about that, but I’m looking for something a bit happier here. Art of Maedhros in those situations would be okay.

When it comes to throwing Finrod into the mix with Russingon, what I’m really looking for is some smut, tbh. Maedhros and Fingon are ridiculously in love, and Finrod is a bit of a hoe, and I can’t believe there wasn’t at least one time they had a threesome. Finrod getting fucked by both of them at once would be excellent. Finrod is canonically friendly with the Fëanorians in Beleriand and goes hunting with Maglor and Maedhros, maybe this is a time where it’s Fingon instead of Maglor and they fuck in the woods, or Maedhros and Fingon visit Nargothrond, or Maedhros and Finrod visit Barad Eithel, or Fingon and Finrod visit Himring. Is this a planned encounter? Something spontaneous? Is Finrod seducing them both, or are they inviting him in? Did Maedhros and Finrod have a fling in Valinor, or did Finrod and Fingon find comfort together on the Ice, or both? I’d love to see where you take this!

When it comes to the worldbuilding tags, I’d love to see an exploration of gender and sexuality in relation to Russingon. I adore trans depictions of both Maedhros and Fingon, so that would be extremely welcome - you can also explore how elvish gender concepts differ from our understanding of gender and transness (I mused about that a bit in this post, along with thoughts on elvish naming traditions, if you’re looking for inspiration). LaCE is such a tricky topic, and I would definitely be interested in Mae and Finno experimenting sexually and discovering what is and isn’t biological about those concepts, and what is actually a cultural construct the elves have adhered to over time. Hair customs (what braids mean, hair coverings, etc) are really interesting - and a GREAT opportunity to include some hair kink! I mean, Finno has those gold braids and Mae’s name “Russandol” refers to his hair, I bet they are into each other’s hair.

Regarding the concept of melotorni, I can easily see that as either gay-coding or queerplatonic love; I’d love to see either or both those options explored with Russingon. (As for meletheldi, I mean, if you wanted to make them girls I would be super down for that too. I’m okay with genderbending, though I do prefer trans/nb headcanons, and I definitely don’t want them genderbent to be “straight.”) And as for Onnalúmë - well, that’s just heat fic, isn’t it? ;)

The bottom line for Russingon is that I Love Them and they love each other, and for this request I’d love PWP, fluff, hurt/comfort, falling in love, getting together, reunion, established relationship - really almost anything with them would absolutely make my day!

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Russingon & kids tags: Gil-galad, Erien, Group: Erien & Gil-galad, Group: Fingon/Maedhros & Erien, Group: Fingon/Maedhros & Erien & Gil-galad, Group: Fingon/Maedhros & Gil-galad, Group: Erien & Faniel Suggested worldbuilding tags: Elven Naming Traditions, improbable parentages for Gil-Galad

The only thing I love more than Russingon is Russingon with KIDS!! I’m a sucker for Russingon as the fathers of Gil-galad, and recently I’ve decided to adopt Erien, a discarded daughter of Fingon, into my personal canon as a Russingon daughter. Exploring either Gil or Erien’s relationship with their dads would be wonderful - and, if they exist in the same universe, their relationship with each other!! (I recently wrote a novel-length fic about Erien being Tauriel, if you’d like to borrow some concepts from there, but that’s certainly not my “usual” interpretation of either of them so feel free to make up your own Erien origin story too!) I was very excited to see that someone else nominated an Erien relationship - Erien and Faniel is a great concept! I usually headcanon Faniel as the daughter of Findis and Elemmírë and the younger sister of Glorfindel, but if you have a different origin story for her that would be really neat as well. Discarded Finwëan daughters ftw! Russingon having kids would be a great place to explore elven naming traditions, how gay elves would name their kids (two father-names??), and maybe the Fëanorian tradition of -finwë names :p I definitely selected the “improbable parentages for Gil-galad” with trans!Russingon in mind, but if you’ve got another situation (that one fic where Finrod, Fingon, and Maedhros do Weird Science with a Maia comes to mind...), be my guest.

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Kidnap Dads tags: Elrond, Group: Elrond & Elros, Group: Elrond & Gil-galad, Group: Maglor & Maedhros & Elrond & Elros Suggested worldbuilding tags: Choice of the Peredhil

I threw in Kidnap Dads into this request as well :) I firmly believe this relationship was, in the end, mostly a positive one despite the rocky beginning - I don’t want to see E&E hating M&M, and I also don’t want to see them resenting their birth parents either (however, their bio parents interacting with their foster parents in awkward/humorous situations would be great). Fluff would be wonderful, but some post-WoW angst would be welcome as well. Elrond and Gil-galad Russingonion considering each other brothers because of their shared father Maedhros is a favorite headcanon of mine! I really would love to see a focus on Maedhros and the E twins; Maglor can of course be involved, but I’m more interested in Maedhros as a character.

Some possible scenarios: an official adoption ceremony, cultural differences, M&M giving E&E some more names / teaching them Quenya, sharing traditions, Maedhros teaching the twins some skill (cooking? swordfighting? embroidery?), the twins being Weird (either because they’re part human or part Maia) and M&M learning to deal with that, Elrond reuniting with Maedhros in Valinor, Elrond getting adopted by M&M’s spouses (Maglor’s spouse and/or Fingon), AU where Maedhros lives and is around for E&E’s later lives

Exploring the Choice of the Peredhil would also be great. How did being raised with M&M affect E&E’s decisions when it came to their Choices of kindred? Were there any Men in the remnants of the Fëanorian host, and did that affect their Choices? 

And since this is technically under the umbrella of the Russingon request, of course Maedhros telling E&E about his husband would be amazing. (And quite probably heartbreaking, too...)

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Maeglin Request

Reminder that I am not at all interested in irredeemable/evil Maeglin; I am a known Maeglin sympathizer and I will not apologize for that.

Maeglin & Fëanorians tags: Maeglin, Group: Dwarves & Maeglin, Group: Caranthir & Dwarves & Maeglin, Group: Maeglin & Fëanorians Suggested worldbuilding tags: Cross-Species Mentorships, Differences between Dwarf craft and Elf craft, Elven magic and art and technology, Maeglin Adopted by Fëanorians AU

I would adore an AU where Maeglin is adopted by the Fëanorians!! Maybe Maeglin escapes to Himring instead of Gondolin after his capture, and Maedhros helps him deal with Angband trauma? (I know that doesn’t really make sense timeline wise, you figure out the details, lmao. Maybe it’s actually taking place in Ossiriand, idk, or the timelines get moved around.) Otherwise, I’d love to see a younger Maeglin interacting with the Three Cs and dwarves!! A focus on craft and smithing would be wonderful, in that scenario.

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Maeglin in Gondolin tags: Turgon, Group: Anairë & Maeglin, Group: Fingolfin & Maeglin, Group: Eärendil & Maeglin, Group: Idril & Maeglin, Group: Idril/Maeglin/Tuor, Group: Maeglin & Rôg Suggested worldbuilding tags: Metal Dragons

I think Maeglin’s relationship with emotionally repressed Turgon was difficult because of miscommunication, but they did love and care for one another. A version of events where Idril and Maeglin were friends before she found out about his feelings for her, or where they can work through that, would be really interesting to read. I love the idea of Maeglin begrudgingly coming to love Eärendil even though he’s Tuor’s child; I think that Eärendil’s mithril coat was made by Maeglin as a precaution against himself and the curse Morgoth placed upon him (I also think this is the origin of Bilbo’s mithril coat). Rôg is usually depicted as an Angband escapee; him noticing something wrong with Maeglin and figuring out about his capture would be a great story. Idril/Maeglin/Tuor is a great concept, especially Maeglin being upset about Idril and Tuor’s marriage because he’s in love with both of them - a threesome where finally gets what he wants (and some consensual rough treatment??) would be excellent. Also, some post-reembodiment fic where Maeglin gets to meet his grandparents would be amazing!! As for the metal dragons, some focus on Maeglin’s craft combined with the magics of Sauron and Morgoth would be really interesting. I would prefer if it Maeglin’s time in Angband was Pretty Bad (though I’d rather not have torture depicted on the page), and show him struggling with the excitement of being able to bring these incredible creations to life versus the knowledge that Sauron and Morogth can and will abuse him to get what they want. I’m not particularly interested in a sympathetic portrayal of Sauron and Morgoth.

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Maeglin, Túrin, and Tyelpë tags: Túrin, Group: Celebrimbor/Maeglin, Group: Turin & Anglachel, Group: Maeglin & Anguirel, Group: Maeglin/Túrin Suggested worldbuilding tags: Bedazzling as a love language, Celebrimbor forging Gurthang, Sentient Weapons & Jewelry

OKAY so Maeglin/Turin is my rarepair OTP and I would absolutely die of happiness if you wrote this ship! For this request I’m envisioning a scenario where Maeglin goes to Nargothrond and that’s where he encounters Túrin. I’m also interested in Maeglin/Tyelpe, so throwing him into the mix would be fabulous. One of my favorite aspects of this ship is Maeglin and Túrin’s connections to Anguirel and Anglachel, so having them bond over that (maybe a literal bond...like a soul bond or something???? enforced by the semi-sentient swords??) would be excellent. I definitely believe Celebrimbor was the one to reforge Anglachel into Gurthang, so that could be a way of getting him involved. (Him ~bedazzling~ the sword as a way of flirting with Túrin would be hilarious; or just smiths bedazzling their creations to impress each other in general, lmao.) It’s also quite likely that in this scenario that Maeglin arrived in Nargothrond with Celegorm, Curufin, and Celebrimbor (and possibly Aredhel, though I was kind of envisioning her as dead in this scenario, RIP - or otherwise not present, much like how C&C have been banished by the time Túrin shows up), so he would have a preexisting relationship with Tyelpë. Maybe they broke up? Maybe they’re awkwardly pining and Túrin is what brings them together? Or some other situation. This ship is doomed no matter how you twist it, and so digging into the dramatic irony of it all would be delicious; happy endings are optional for this request.

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Maeglin & Aredhel in Himlad & Nargothrond tags: Aredhel, Group: Aredhel & Oromë, Group: Celegorm/Aredhel & Maeglin & Curufin & Celebrimbor, Group: Curufin/Finrod & Celebrimbor Suggested worldbuilding tags: Aredhel and Maeglin Remain in Himlad, Aromantic Aredhel

This is kind of similar to the previous request, but with a focus on Aredhel, Celegorm, and Curufin as well as Maeglin and Celebrimbor. I would love an AU where Maeglin and Aredhel go to Himlad instead of Gondolin, and eventually end up in Nargothrond - I really can’t get enough of this concept! What happens with Eöl; does Curufin actually kinslay him this time? How do Maeglin and Tyelpë get along? My Aredhel is always aromantic, but I do ship her and Celegorm as FWB (though maybe Celegorm’s caught feelings somewhere along the line...) - how does Maeglin feel about her rekindling that relationship? I’d definitely be interested in a story about Celebrimbor being a Curufinrod baby (trans!Curvo ftw), so that would make returning to Nargothrond extra tense and emotional. As for Aredhel and Oromë, I have this headcanon that Anairë gave all her children Valar-related mother-names, and that Aredhel was named Írissë Aldarindë after Oromë Aldaron. How does she feel about that name and her connection to Oromë? I don’t think she ever actually joined his Hunt like Celegorm did; why is that? Did Celegorm discourage because he’d adopted his father’s anti-Valar sentiment and left the Hunt? Did she just get involved too late, and then the Darkening happened? How do her and Celegorm’s relationships with their patron Vala differ in Beleriand? I think they were both Kinslayers at Alqualondë, but Celegorm is bound by the Oath and Aredhel isn’t - how does that affect things? Can Aredhel and Maeglin’s presence change how Finrod’s demise goes down? All sorts of fascinating things you could explore!

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Misc. Silm Request

Cuiviénen tags: Original Awakened Elf of Cuiviénen (Silm) Suggested worldbuilding tags: In-universe Origins of LaCE, LaCE as a Horror Concept, LaCE as a social construct, LaCE-compliant soulbonding, Non-romantic/sexual Soul Bonds

I’d love to see an exploration of how LaCE came to be, which parts of the rules around marriage and children and re-embodiment are social constructs and which are innate to the fëa and hröa, and/or relationships that defy the norms. If your take on the laws is hetero/cisnormative, how does that affect queer elves? If your take is free of bigotry, what are the flexibilities around queerness, including asexuality and aromanticism? Laws and customs and rules always have loopholes and exceptions, so what do elves who don’t fit into the expected relationship mold do about these norms?

How do soul bonds work on a metaphysical level? Can they be broken? Do they have to be nurtured and maintained? What’s long-distance communication like? Heck, what’s short-distance communication like, is it like talking in your mind or sharing your feelings or more abstract than that? Can elves form soul bonds with mortals? And most importantly—how did elves figure out they could soul bond with one another?? I can imagine that would be quite a shock when they’re discovering sex and then suddenly they’re inside each other’s minds! This could easily be tied into the “LaCE as Horror” tag; especially if the characters were not expecting it or the bond was being abused. (If you do decide to explore abuse, I would prefer you use OCs rather than canon characters, unless you want to write Eöl abusing Aredhel or Sauron abusing Celebrimbor. In any case, please be careful with that kind of relationship, I am quite sensitive to abuse in fiction even if I am interested in this subject.)

For non-romantic and/or non-sexual soul bonds: Explore sibling bonds, twin bonds, parent-child bonds, queerplatonic bonds, found family bonds, adoption bonds, the bond between a Vala and their Maia…any kind of soul bond that is familial or platonic or chosen without regard to romance! (Feel free to take a canon romantic relationship and turn it queerplatonic, I live for that shit!) How are these bonds formed outside of sex? What are the rituals and ceremonies around forming them? Is it a public or private thing? Are non-romantic soul bonds taken seriously, or are they seen as less important than marriage bonds? Since elven parents literally give part of their soul in the creation of the child, is that parent-child bond innate? What are traditions around elven adoption? Are there soul bonds created between the adoptive parents and children? Was adoption even a thing in Aman, or is it only practiced in Middle-earth? Did elves adopt mortals and vice versa? Is adoption extended to found family other than a parent-child situation? How is adoption viewed by elvish society, especially if inheritance/succession is a concern?

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Turgoldo tags: Group: Finrod/Turgon, Group: Mariners send by Turgon to Aman Suggested worldbuilding tags: Songs of Power

This is my rarepair to end all rarepairs tbh. I honestly don’t know why these two are not shipped more! I am desperate for any and all content with them, I am not picky at all, I just love them.

Fun times in Aman before things get dark and serious would be lovely, I think in that context their relationship would be more casual (or at least they’re trying to make it casual and that leads to hurt feelings). I’d rather not focus on their relationships with their canon love interests, mostly because I’m not a fan of stories about jealousy (also because I see both Finrod and Amarië as gay and together mostly for convenience’s sake AND/OR they’re in a queerplatonic relationship, not a romantic/sexual one), but I do ship Elenwë/Amarië so those two having some sort of polyamorous arrangement with Finrod and Turgon could be fun. But feel free to just ignore any of that and depict Finrod and Turgon together without their respective ladies!

If you go into Beleriand times, I like: Turgon grieving Elenwë and finding solace with Finrod; whatever went down that night by the river they never wanted to talk about again; helping each other build their hidden kingdoms; Finrod sneaking into Gondolin maybe??; repressed Turgon being angsty about discovering his bisexuality and Finrod either helping him or making things more complicated; Finrod missing Turgon and trying to distract himself in Nargothrond (maybe in combination with another Finrod ship? honestly I ship Finrod with any dude that moves, feel free to put your own spin on his relationships, though I would prefer a focus on Turgon/Finrod for this request). Post-reembodiment scenarios would also be great.

Or maybe you want to do an AU with them! Supernatural creatures? Some other fantasy setting? A space opera? Honestly the only AU I wouldn’t be interested in is a modern AU, I’m very picky with my Silm Modern AUs. Honestly like I said earlier, I would love ANY content with Finrod and Turgon, you’d make me very happy if you depicted them together!! Feel free to ignore any of the stuff I said if you’ve got a better idea!!

Regarding the mariners sent to Aman: maybe Turgon is trying to pass a message along to a re-embodied Finrod along with the general cry for help to the Valar? And for “Songs of Power” I was thinking about Finrod’s rap battle with Sauron, and if there was any precedent for him being musically/magically powerful before then that Turgon could have witnessed.

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Misc. worldbuilding tags: HoME/UT backstories and events that contradict the Silm, Dragons hunted for their leather, Ossiriand and the Laiquendi

I love incorporating other drafts of stories into the “main” version of the Silm! Please feel free to tweak early concepts to fit the later Legendarium, and definitely explain yourself in the author’s notes, I love that shit.

I can totally see dragons or adventurous Avari hunting dragons for their hides. You could also maybe explore this with the corpse of Smaug in the Long Lake; dwarves harvesting scales as a precious resource, or something?

In writing my recent Tauriel longfic I came to love the Laiquendi of Ossiriand. I’d love to see a nuanced exploration of their cultures - who were their leaders after Denethor? Were they really all nonviolent, or did some fight in self-defense or choose to join the Union of Maedhros? What was their relationship with the Fëanorians, both before and after the Nírnaeth? Do they consider themselves Avari? Do other elves consider them Avari?

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Númenor Request

Early Númenor tags: Group: Elros/Elros's Wife (Silm)

Idk, I just think they’re cute. I have an OC for Elros’ wife that I love, and it would be awesome if you wrote something with her! Or you can use your own OC, whatever you’d like :)

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Late Númenor tags: Group: Amandil & Ar-Pharazon & Tar-Míriel, Group: Inzilbêth & Tar-Míriel, Group: Míriel & Tar-Míriel, Group: Elwing & Tar-Míriel Suggested worldbuilding tags: Númenórean Settlements in Middle-earth, Peredhil Heritage in Numenor’s art & culture (Silm)

Amandil, Pharazôn, and Míriel’s childhood friendship is really interesting to me (especially if you throw in Elentír as well!). Would love to see how that dynamic changes over time, Pharazôn’s time conquering in Middle-earth, and their varying opinions about their heritage as the descendants of peredhil. I’m not really interested in portrayals of Pharazôn and Míriel’s relationship as healthy or even consensual; I’d rather you didn’t dwell too much on the abusive aspect, but even when I incorporate the story of Elentír I like to preserve the narrative present in the Silm where Pharazôn takes Míriel to wife against her will.

I never really thought much about Inzilbêth and Míriel, but now I definitely am! How does Míriel feel about her faithful grandmother? I see Míriel as not particularly faithful in the Valar, not like her father, but more politically against the King’s Men; does Inzilbêth try to instill faith into her granddaughter like she did her son?

I’m not sure how Míriel Þerindë or Elwing would interact with Tar-Míriel (perhaps Míriel Þerindë weaves her story? or they meet in Mandos before Tar-Míriel leaves to receive the Gift of Men? - maybe Elwing watches over her descendants from Eärendil’s ship, or flies to visit Númenor before its fall?) but I’m now interested in how that might happen, and what kinds of advice they would pass on to her. Also, if you go with Tar-Míriel and Míriel Þerindë, I’d love to see a silver-haired Tar-Míriel to mirror Þerindë! (also, “fairer than silver or ivory or pearls” makes a great image for a silver-haired Tar-Míriel)

~

Tar-Silmariën AU tags: Worldbuilding: Silmariën Becomes Queen of Númenor AU

GOSH everything would have been SO different if she had been able to rule! Would her descendants have been corrupted like her brother’s? Would Aldarion and Erendis’ marriage end so badly if he didn’t have the pressure of kingship? If the roles in the Amandil-Pharazôn-Míriel dynamic were reversed, how would that change things? Would Sauron get involved? There are SO many directions you could take this, I’d love to see any of them!

~~~

Alright, that’s the end of my prompts/requests! Thanks for reading this far, and whatever you end up writing for me I am super excited to read it!! And if you have questions or ideas or something, my askbox is open and I have anon messages on, I’d love to talk! Thank you again for creating for me, you are the best! <3

[bokunoherostories]

Match Ups for the follower special!

Super long post so it is all under read more!

@englishauthor​

I'd really like a match up with someone from 1-A, if it's not too much hassle? I'm bisexual, so either gender is fine! I'm sarcastic and I swear a lot without thinking about it. I'm quite blunt and rude at times, but I'm apparently the Mom Friend. It doesn't seem like it, but I actually cry quite easily. I like creative writing and listening to music, cats and flowers. If I had a quirk, I think it would be something to do with metal? Like, controlling it or something like that. Thank you!

I ship you with Mina Ashido!

This childish girl needs someone to keep her from spiriling out of control!

However, she makes sure you know it’s not your job to take care of her. She tries her best to make sure you’re happy as well and it’s not just her.

If someone made you cry, they’d have hell to pay. However, when she cries, she’d prefer if you’d just hold her and let her cry rather than fight for her.

Her dream date with you would be sitting in a field and making flower crowns together!

Anon

Hi! So I'd like to request a match up please. I'm a straight girl. I'd prefer someone from Class 1A. I'm a great listener. I'm always nice, but if someone pushes me I'm not afraid to fight back. Everyone says I'm sassy. I love to draw and read. I love cloudy days filled with thunder and rain. I'm carefree but serious when necessary. I can be shy and quiet but am not afraid to get loud and have fun. Im usually always smiling and laughing. I love making others happy too. Thank you so much!!

I ship you with Izuku Midoriya!

You two would get along great, personality wise!

He’d love to watch you draw and commonly would ask for your artistic interpretation of some lesser known hero’s names!

He’d love to curl up with a book with you when it rains.

He’d love that you are always smiling and it would always make him happy to see you happy.

@twofacedhero​

Hi, could I please ask for a matchup? I'd like to be matched with a UA person (student from either class or teacher) and I'm bisexual! I'm cheerful and always look for the best in people, but I'm introverted and like to be alone too. I want everyone to get along! I cry very easily (empathetic crier) and am very strong academically (not so much physically). If I had a quirk it'd be Rewind: reverting objects to previous states (ex unmelting icecream) and would work w/ disaster relief. Thank you!!!

I ship you with Ochaco Uraraka!

She would always be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on but understands when you want to be alone

She’d help with any physical activity you needed, be it lifting a couch or your car!

She’d commonly ask you to use your quirk on the randomest of things like unbending a piece of metal, just to watch!

In exchange, she’d ask for homework help and tbh would spend most of her “study group” time with you trying to cuddle.

Anon

Helloo~ I seen your post for match ups sooo here I go! I know you said not to focus on appearances but I wanted to add really quick that I'm REALLY short and get mistaken for being younger than I actually am when I'm actually always one of the older ones in the room ahh 😅. I love reading so much to the point where I always need a book somewhere near me in case I feel like reading a chapter or two. Some more of my likes are Kpop, anime (of course haha) and anything pastel/ adorable. I normally take a while to warm up to people when I first meet them so I'm super shy and quiet at first for a long while but after they earn my friendship and trust I'm the most bubbly person ever. I'm known to my friends as "something else" and "weird" because of my randomness but hey that comes with the package when you become close to me. I would like to be matched up with a guy from 1A but I don't mind others as well so pick who you see best fits! I don't really have any romantic preference so you have a free range of everyone~ Also I think my quirk would be something like telekineses or maybe something involving the brain in some way?

I ship you with Hanta Sero!

He would never treat you like a child for your size.

He’d love to listen to KPop and watch anime with you.

He’s totally okay with you being shy! He’d do whatever he can to make you feel more comfortable. 

He wouldn’t care if you were “weird”. He likes that best about you!

@damngerms​

CONGRATS FOR 100 FOLLOWERS!!!! still doing matchups? if so I'd like one with a guy plz ^.^ I have VERY long wavy brown hair and brown eyes,Taurus, I can draw & play violin, people call me a "happy virus" as I can make anyone smile easily, I'm very optimistic (can be really scary when angry .. almost like the guy in my dp XD) I like cooking but I suck at it tbh :P oh wait I forgot to add that I'm an ENFJ and I would like a matchup with somepne from class 1-A :P I FORGOT TO ADD A FUCKING QUIRK XD anyways I'd like a cat quirk plz :P sorry dor being too dumb XD 

I ship you with Tenya Iida!

He’d be a sucker for hearing you play the violin.

He’d like that you are always happy but can stand up for yourself when you’re mad

Regardless of how well you cook, he’d eat whatever you made if it made you happy.

He seems like one who’s a sucker for neko girls hehe

@deathly-troublesome​

Match up? <3 Background & main characters are all appreciated! I'm an aspiring writer who loves fantasy and sci-fi, as well as most other fictions. If I were to be in the BNHA universe, my favorite quirk that I would want would have to be "sonic sound" where the voice can project and cause damage based on how loud they yell/scream. Also, panromantic/pansexual! Thank you so much!!! <3

I ship you with Koji Koda

He’s completely understand you not being able to speak. 

He’d teach you sign language so you could effectively talk to your classmates. 

He’d love reading anything you wrote and would look forward to every new edition 

He’d probably fall asleep curled up with you and a bunch of cats.

(this is the only gif with him in it lol)

Anon

Congratulations! I'd love a match up please. :) I'm female and straight could you focus on older characters bc I'm a University student *chemistry/physics*? I'm told that I can be quite observant, determined, protective, comforting and extremly loyal though I can be distant and headstrong at times. If I start something I'm going to finish it! I enjoy training and jog and box to stay in good shape. My Hobbies include reading, drawing, playing soccer and guitar. Coffe and music addict.

I ship you with Tensei Iida!

He values your loyalty. He knows it’s hard to be faithful to a hero who has to run at every call for help.

He would love to train with you. He’d get to get stronger while being with the one he loves.

He wouldn’t mind learning the guitar from you. He would end up learning songs to serenade to you.

Totally runs to get you coffee from Starbucks in the morning

@scaredycatandeucatastrophe​

Hi! Is the matchup thingie still open? If so, I would like to have one please :). I am a short, brunette with freckles and stright girl. Hobbies and likes: reading, foOD, listening to music (rock mostly), biology, animals, cats and moar CATS, partying, going to the mountains... Dislikes: spiders, MATHS UGH, being annoyed in my alone time, getting up early,.. Personality: I am an ENFP who always says what's on her mind but bad mouthed and roughly, I am good at taking care of other but not myself. 2nd part! Sorry long script :( Generally I am a nice girl with you can talk to, but I have a bad temper and I can talk to anyone but making friends is really hard to me.As a nursing student, I am very respectful to other ideals but I get very angry if someone hurts people with that excuse.My quirk would be: a strength enhacer one with the ability to display any kind of martial arts, it's flaws are that it consumes a lot of energy and the user must eat a lot and regularly. Clas1-A plz, thanks :)

I ship you with Eijiro Kirishima!

He loves to party and listen to rock with you. He makes jokes about it with his quirk all the time.

He will try his best to take care of you. He scolds you when you don’t take care of yourself when you’re worrying about others.

He is equal in temper.

He knows how it feels to not make friends easily so he’ll help the best he can to help you make friends too!

Anon

Match up please? :) I'm a shy girl. I'm usually quiet and prefer to stay indoors rather than crowded places cause I easily get irritated for various reasons. Yeah, I'm a bit moody but I'm usually happy and I like making new friends. I love rock music, horror/ gore movies, reading all sorts of books and staring at hot guys.lol .I'd prefer to be paired up with a boy from Class 1-A. If I'd have a quirk, it would be energy projection to let me create energy orbs for defense and offense. Thanks! ❤️

I ship you with Bakugou Katsuki!

He’d be super overprotective and wanna stay home with you.

He likes to watch gory movies with you, but he hides his face in your hair when there’s too much

After learning of your hobby of staring at hot guys, he’d make sure you’re always looking at him. He’s the only hot girl you’re allowed to stare at.

He commonly tries to figure out how to pair his quirk with yours in combat.

Anon

hey!may i have a matchup?I'm a straight girl and i don't mind its a main character or not!I'm really open-minded causing me to have wide variety of hobbies! From arts (drawing,singing) to researching! That also meant I dont have many dislikes,I'm really into pretty much everything once it gets my curiosity.One of the things I am known for by my family and friends is that I'm a huge animal lover!Whether they're creepy crawlies or really cool aquatic creatures, I'll love them all the same! I'm ambiverted which means I need my alone time equally as much as hanging out around people;I'm impulsive and go in periods of being adventurous to really lazy but I'm still hardworking in my studies!if I were to have a quirk,it would be something like psychology-related?Maybe something like I can boost someone's mental energy to feel motivated which cause their quirk to be more powerful/better for a period of time and depleting them which weaken their physical movements!

I ship you with Hitoshi Shinsou!

He feels a connection on your quirks. His and yours could be used for evil and it makes him feel less alone in a hero with a villain quirk.

He thinks it’s amazing how you don’t really dislike things. It makes him feel like he can be more open with you.

He appreciates that you like all animals, even the creepy crawlies!

He likes that he can be alone by himself since you don’t feel the need to be with him 24/7.

Anon

Oooh matchups! Congrats on 100 followers! Well, let me preface this by saying I'm really short (lmao) and attracted to men. I'm definitely always tired no matter how much I sleep, but as soon as I'm awake I'm up and ready to go. I love reading/writing but my true passion is music. I can play the flute and piano but that's pretty much it. I'm also pretty anxious most of the time and because of that I'm super awkward around people and have a hard time connecting with them. Once I get comfortable though I relax and I'm pretty chill. I've also repressed every single emotion I've ever felt so I'm basically going thru life dead inside lol. As for a quirk, I feel like I'd have the ability to materialize a lil buddy to keep me company. Vaguely like Tokoyami's Dark Shadow, except he doesn't live inside me and he's also like. A sentient asshole. Could you focus on pairing me up w one of the adults? Thanks! 

I ship you with Aizawa Shota!

He’d love to sit in a dark corner, hearing you play your instruments while being wrapped up in his little worm sleeping bag

He’d also be hella awkward and would take him like ten million years to confess and ask you out.

He agrees to being dead inside.

He secretly thinks your quirk is so cool and commonly wonders how it works.

Anon

(Ur blog is lit first time I've requested too) so I'm looking for a matchup from class A. people would describe me as funny, tomboyish and the out going type I get along easy with like everyone but if someone's being a b***h I have a very creative vocab if ya know what I mean, I'm not afraid to use my fists. baha I'm headstrong and I'm in top classes (procrastination level 1000) I train four to five times a week for various sports and if I had a quirk, I'd want it to be strong af to kick asss ;) 

I ship you with Mashirao Ojiro!

While he’s a quiet guy, he likes to sit back and watch you blossom.

He always laughs at your jokes, regardless if they are truly funny or not.

He’d help you train however he can. Even if it’s just caring for you afterwards.

He lets you be mad when you are. He can’t control you so he won’t try.

Anon

Yo, if it ain't too late I'd like a match up please. I'm a girl who likes guys and I'm fine with being in any group, villain, 1a/b, teachers, I'm cool with whoever you think is best. I have a very dark sense of humor and tend to be a bit oblivious and insensitive. I can be snappy/grumpy but honestly most of the time I'm upbeat and up for anything. I like anything artistic, puns, eerie things, and thai tea. I dislike seeing ppl not striving to be happy, everyone oughta be happy. Thanks!

I ship you with Mezo Shoji!

He likes to hear your dark jokes. His sense of humor is all over the place and only yours are what get him going.

He thinks your snappy marks are interesting and sometimes even funny when people like Bakugou blow up from them.

He now carries around a book of puns to make at you.

He spent hours trying to make thai tea perfectly for you.

(There are no gifs for him so I will just use a silly gif)

@telephoneghosts

Matchup please! Honestly would love to be matched with a pro hero teacher at UA, but also include Class 1-A! I'm a bisexual gal, who's hobbies include creating artwork of all mediums, performing onstage (singing & acting), and cooking/baking! My likes include paranormal phenomenon and all the conspiracies and mysteries that go along with it, Disney movies and theme parks, animals (namely cats and reptiles), and collecting antique knick knacks. Dislikes include bugs of all kind (namely WASPS, spiders, and cockroaches), rude people, and work that isn't executed with best effort. If I had a quirk it'd be elasticity, since irl I'm 6'2" and I think being stretchy would be fitting for a tall girl!

I ship you with Mei Hatsume!

She’d love to bring your artwork into her work, asking your help on design and painted details on her gadgets.

She’d try to make special babies that will create paranormal like phenomenon so you can feel what it’d be like to live in a “haunted” house

When she’s calm, she wouldn’t mind curling up and watching Disney movies with you.

Bugs will 100% be a big no no. The neighbor has been called many times to kill a couple moths.

Thank you to everyone who submitted!! And thank you for following!!

[spinneryesteryear]

Spinner plays FFXIV Stormblood

Finished FFXIV 4.0 MSQ over the weekend (DRK to 70, WHM to 77), hoo boy. I know I've got the 4.x patches to go but I did wind up liking Stormblood more than I thought. Spoilers ahoy!

Highlights:

- started the SB questline right about the same time as everyone else started ShB *sobs* It did mean I landed in the midst of some good FATE-grinding parties, however, at little as that matters

- I liked the Baelsar’s Wall but those last twin bosses can go die in a fire

- couldn’t get really sad over Papalymo because he barely contributed anything to the story except to snark at Yda. I like him better in DFFOO, where he is an excellent black mage. So, like, the exact opposite of my feelings regarding Thancred.

- Shinryu, Omega, and Cid all disappeared for the majority of the Stormblood questline and tbh it suffered for their absences. At least Estinien, of all people, was tracking the first two down.

- thankfully the WHM quests were all in the first zone I got access to and I already had it at 70 so I just zipped through them

----- me: *fails repeatedly at WHM lvl 70 quest*

----- me: *returns w/gear 10 lvls higher* Time for my vengeance.

----- (Yes, I know I should always keep my gear up to date and to be fair I always keep it at the appropriate level or better when other people are involved. This, however, was single-player duty and my lack of better gear didn’t matter since I didn’t even have the lvl 61 dungeon unlocked yet.)

- never cared at all for Zenos. Nope. Not at all. He and his golf club bag of swords can go fall off Shinryu's platforms. (I also had 0% trouble w/his solo fights on DRK? Maybe it was the new flat damage reduction baked into all tanks, idk, or maybe it was having Aug Shire/at lvl gear for each instance. I kept my health up just fine and had to be wiped out via his insta-kill move for the duty to end. But honestly it felt like good DRK job fantasy, taking on this insurmountable foe and clawing my way past death to defend my fallen comrades.) Also my character literally viewed him as a troubled teen taking out his issues on everyone around him via murder and wasn't impressed w/him in the least. But anyway.

- I came to tolerate Lyse but that's it. Hot-blooded people who rush off and act w/o thinking irritate me greatly IRL and it's no different in virtual life. Plus, she's almost literally an anime version of me who traded book smarts for punching ability. Even her name is a mere one letter from mine. It's kinda weird. She’s my mirror universe self. Ugh.

- it’s really disappointing Square Enix gives me so few options in killing myself. Let me jump off cliffs to my messy death already, dang it. Skyrim let me do it within the first 2 minutes of ever playing, haha.

- the sharks fly. the bears fly. the goobues fly. why not.

- ah, yes, gyuki. Skyrim prepared me for unreasonably bloodthirsty walruses. And for the unreasonably powerful and murderous mammoths.

- I liked M'naago, wished she had been the lead instead

- genuinely loved Gosetsu (Conrad who?) and was upset at his 'death'. I'm at once glad he survived and annoyed at another death fake-out. *Drak voice* Kill more! Kill 'em all!

- Hien is an adorable badass and I wish to adopt him and take him home with me. Doma 4 lyfe

---- me: *interiorly grumbles every time I hear the words ‘Ala Mhigo’

---- also me: *cheers for Doma & the Steppes*

- I just... really don’t understand why Highlanders live in a desert nation and have geographic and cultural neighbors based off of India and yet they have Old English/OHG names. Why???

- also why is Lyse blindingly white (and Minfilia, for that matter) in stark contrast to other Highlanders???

---- me: So, Lyse, if you’re from Gyr Abania then why are you white?

---- Alphinaud: Oh my god, Spinner, you can’t just ask someone why they’re white.

- once again, I'm probably the only person who loved the WHM quests (all SB job quests seem to return to their 1 - 30 [or 30 - 50?] roots and I don't mind). Did lots of screaming over DRK 60 - 70. I saved them all up and did them right away when I hit 70; they flow much better w/no interruptions

- explored/quested/ground FATE's on DRK but ran new dungeons on WHM as that's my comfort job. Failed twice on the mechanics of Bardam's Mettle 2nd boss but no wipes so we're good. So many overconfident gunbreaker tanks, though. T__T *I* did a better job tanking/killing a pack of like 12 mobs as WHM in Sirensong Sea than one bunbreaker, smh.

- I found Magnai to be entirely too amusing. I also want his moves on WAR. 

- somehow missed Shisui entirely? Still haven't got all aether currents in the Ruby Sea RIP me

------ (2 month later addendum: finally unlocked it and got my aether currents. Now, to never return to that area ever again.)

- no underwater mobs is so disappointing. Let me throw fireballs and Holys and swing a greatsword underwater already. Let me tell you, nothing is as exciting as going diving in Morrowind with only a 22% chance to successfully cast Waterbreathing and this Kojin blessing is such an OP cheat.

- enjoying my Grani mount tbh. I have no idea if it's lore-relevant for ShB; I just saw the name lifted straight from Norse myth and was like, "Want." It's more of a horse-shaped reptile, however, with 'paws' that become increasingly creepy the more you stare at them. I wonder if it eats meat like the thestrals in HP.

- shooting minigames? Okay. Platforming minigames? AW HECK NO I THOUGHT I WAS DONE W/THIS WHEN I LEFT LEGO GAMES TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME PLATFORMING IS MY GREATEST ENEMY

- I was derping around in Kugane and accidentally started doing the tower jumping puzzle. As soon as I figured out what I was doing I had to run away immediately to save my sanity.

- throwing on tank stance and rushing in to save someone from a mob or a FATE is still as heady a feeling as ever (except when they then run off and leave you to die, like, no why please). Or raising people out in the wild. I particularly love that cyclops boss FATE near Whitebrim bc I can go stand on the edges as a powerful WHM and raise people 10x as the bodies keep hitting the floor. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s still so great.

- I do enjoy the Morrowind feel of walking through a new zone and taking in the scenery but I'd like it more if all the wildlife wasn't super powerful and aggro'ing on me every 10 ft. It feels less like an ecosystem and more like generic monster land when there are no longer any non-aggressive mobs like there were in ARR. The Gyr Abanian landscapes are slowly growing on me, however.

- me, flying through Porta Praetoria/Lochs: Those wooden bonfires must be awfully expensive, if wood is as scarce in Gyr Abania as I think....

- loved the Azim Steppe - atmosphere, music, lore, everything. Waiting for someone to call me out on this bc I just really love Xaela (and may make a male Xaela alt one day).

- had minor moral qualms over fighting in the Naadam for the Mol bc I wanted to claim victory for the Orl

- I do really like those moments in Heavensward and Stormblood when the game recreates the epic moments from the trailers (the WoL walking through the soldiers to fight the dragon; the WoL and Lyse sparring, etc.). 

- I was singing, “I don’t care, I don’t care,” to the tune of Let It Go during the Ala Mhigo cutscenes but the resistance singing their anthem really got to me nevertheless. Many voices united and uplifted and song always hits me hard emotionally.

- my character still looking at Zenos with 0% thirst (negative amounts of thirst, tbh) like, “Who is this sassy lost child?”

- then again my character is like 31 yrs old here with a backstory summed up as ‘angry single mom goes to check on friend, ends up killing a god and getting recruited to save the world’

- Pipin is best Lalafell; I will defend him with my life but he has Tizona now and doesn't need me. The absolute shortest guy around is calling the shots in this military campaign and I love it. At least his dad gave him a box to stand on so he could see over the table during the important strategic military discussions.

- the siege of Ala Mhigo taught us that thaumaturges/black mages are the living equivalent of heavy artillery, nice nice nice

- got lucky and had a competent crew in DF to fight Shinryu

- tbh my character would probably kick Asahi’s dad while he was down and cave in his ribs, just finishing him off. It’s no wonder Asahi turned out as bad as he did, with parents as horrifically self-centered as THAT.

- I humbly submit ‘Higwit’ as a fan-name for that elezen following Asahi around - an acronym for ‘Hien Is Great - Who Is That?!’ based on an old LOTR fan meme. Who else here remembers Figwit before he became Lindir?

- I liked the Tsukuyomi fight but I can’t remember anything specific about it now, not even the mechs. 

- I did spend a lot of time screenshotting Hien because he is an awesome bro and I would endure Ala Mhigo all over again for him

[tintuc111-blog]

Đề thi thử tiếng anh THPT 2017 đề 78

  SỞ GD&ĐT VĨNH PHÚC

TRƯỜNG THPT LIỄN SƠN

(Đề thi gồm: 05 trang)

ĐỀ KTCL ÔN THI THPT QUỐC GIA NĂM 2017

Môn: TIẾNG ANH – ĐỀ SỐ 78

Thời gian làm bài: 60 phút, không kể thời gian phát đề

Họ và tên thí sinh:……………………………………………………………………. SBD:…………………………

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the word whose underlined part differs from the other three in pronunciation in each of the following questions

Question 1. A. plate             B. salad                       C. lemonade               D. play

Question 2. A. bother          B. thoughtful              C. geothermal                        D. breakthrough

Mark the letter on your answer sheet to indicate the word that differs from the rest in the position of the main stress

Question 3. A. furnish         B. reason                    C. promise                  D. tonight

Question 4. A. specific         B. coincide                  C. inventive                D. regardless

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the most suitable response to complete each of the following exchanges

Question 5. – Max: “How lovely your pets are!”  - Min: “ _________”

Thank you, it's nice of you to say so     B. Really? They are    

can you say that again D. I love them, too

Question 6. Stephanie: "Oh, no! I left my book at home. Can I share yours?"

Scotts: "_______________"

           Yes, I do too           B. No, thanks              C. Yes, sure!               D. No, not at all!

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D to indicate the word or phrase that is CLOSEST in meaning to the underlined part in each of the following questions

Question 7. This tapestry has a very complicated pattern.

obsolete                 B. intricate                  C. ultimate                  D. appropriate

Question 8. The drought was finally over as the fall brought in some welcome rain.

heatware                B. harvest                   C. summer                  D. aridity

Mark the letter A, B, C or D on your answer sheet to indicate the word or phrase that is OPPOSITE in meaning to the underlined part in each of the following questions.

Question 9: During the five- decade history the Asian Games have been advancing in all aspects.

holding at               B.  holding  back        C. holding to               D. holding by

Question 10: The distinction between schooling and education implied by this remark is important.

explicit                    B. implicit                   C. obscure                  D. odd

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct answer to each of the following questions.

Question 11. They________ have seen the play last night as they went to a football match instead.

could B. must                       C. might                      D. can't

Question 12. _______ has been a topic of continual geological research.

How the continents were formed B. The continents formed

If the continents formed D. How did the continents for

Question 13. She should_________ in the garage when we come around, which would explain why she didn't hear the bell.

work B. be working            C. have worked          D. have been working

Question 14. Dr. Parker gave my mum a lovely________ for spaghetti carbonara.

recipe B. prescription           C. receipt                    D. paper

Question 15. You should_________ a professional to check your house for earthquake damage.

have B. make                       C. take                         D. get

Question 16. We_________ today and I got into trouble because I hadn't done it.

had checked our homew B. had our homework checked

were checked our homework               D. have our homework checking

Question 17. I gave the waiter a $50 note and waited for my _________.

change B. supply                    C. cash                                    D. cost

Question 18. People can become very__________ when they are stuck in traffic for a long time.

nervous B. bad-tempered       C. stressful                 D. pressed

Question 19. Only one of our gifted students_________ to participate in the final competition.

chosen                      B. have been chosen C. has been chosen   D. were choosing    

Question 20. I think there's a picture of the hotel_________ the first page.

on B. at                             C. in                             D. to

Question 21. I'm saving all my pocket money_________ to buy a new PlayStation.

out B. down                      C. up                            D. away

Question 22. As a millionaire who liked to show off her wealth, Mrs. Smith paid________ we asked.

four times much as                                     B. four time as many as    

four times as much as D. four time much than

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to show the underlined part that needs correction.

Question 23:  Globally and internationally, the 1990's stood out as the warmest decade in the history of weather records.

Globally and internationally B. out C. warmest                 D. weather records

Question 24: When precipitation occurs, some of it evaporates, some runs off the surface it strikes, and some sinking into the ground.  

When B. some C. the                           D. sinking

Question 25: A warning printed on a makeshift lifebuoy says: "This is not a life-saving device. Children should be accompany by their parents."                                                                          

life-saving B. Children C. accompany             D. parents

Read the following passage and mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct answer to each of the sentences

           The principle of use and disuse states that those parts of organisms' bodies that are used grown larger. Those parts that are not tend to wither away. It is an observed fact that when you exercise particular muscles, they grow. Those that are never used. By examining a man's body, we can tell which muscles he uses and which he doesn't. We may even be able to guess his profession or his reaction. Enthusiasts of the "body- building" cult make use of the principle of use and disuse to "build" their bodies, almost like a piece of sculpture, into whatever unnatural shape is demanded by fashion in this peculiar minority culture. Muscles are not the only parts of the body that respond to use in this kind of way. Walk barefoot and you acquire harder skin on your soles. It is easy to tell a farmer from a bank teller by looking at their hands alone. The farmer's hands are horny, hardened by long exposure to rough work. The teller's hands are relatively soft.

           The principle of use and disuse enables animals to become better at the job of surviving in their world, progressively better during their lifetime as a result of living in that world. Humans, through direct exposure to sunlight, or lack of it, develop a skin color which equips them better to survive in the particular local conditions.

           Too much sunlight is dangerous. Enthusiastic sunbathers with very fair skins are susceptible to skin cancer. Too little sunlight, on the other hand, leads to vitamin-D deficiency and rickets. The brown pigment melanin which is synthesized under the influence of sunlight, makes a screen to protect the underlying   tissues   from the   harmful effects of further sunlight. If a suntanned person moves to a less sunny climate, the melanin disappears, and the body is able to benefit from what little sun there is. This can be represented as an instance of the principle of use and disuse: skin goes brown when it is "used", and fades to white when it is not.

Question 26. What does the passage mainly discuss?

How the principles of use and disuse change people's concepts of themselves.

The way in which people change themselves to conform to fashion.

The changes that occur according to the principle of use and disuse.

The effects of the sun on the principle of use and disuse.

Question 27. The word "Those" in line 3 refers to_________.

organisms B. bodies                    C. parts                       D. muscles

Question 28. According to the passage, men who body build_________.

appear like sculptures B. change their appearance

belong to strange cults D. are very fashionable

Question 29. The word "horny" in line 9 is closest in meaning to_________.

firm B. strong                     C. tough                      D. dense

Question 30. It can be inferred from the passage that the principle of use and disuse enables organisms to_________.

change their existence                          B. automatically benefit  

survive in any condition D. improve their lifetime

Question 31. The author suggests that melanin_________.

is necessary for the production of vitamin-D B. is beneficial in sunless climates

helps protect fair-skinned people D. is a synthetic product

Question 32. The word "susceptible" could be best replaced by_________.

condemned B. vulnerable                         C. allergic                    D. suggestible

Read the following passage and mark the letter A, B, C or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct word for each

                                                                  THE HISTORY OF WRITING

The development of writing (33)_________ a huge difference to the world and might see it as the beginning of the media. Pieces of pottery with marks on that are probably numbers have been discovered in China that date from around 4000 BC. Hieroglyphics and other forms of "picture writing" developed in the (34)_________ around Mesopotamia (modern-day Iraq), where the ancient Sumerian civilization was based, from around 3300 BC onwards. However, the first true alphabet was used by the Phoenicians around 1050 BC. Their alphabet had 22 letters and it is estimated that it lasted for 1000 years. The first two signs were called "aleph" and "beth", which in Greek became "alpha" and "beta", which gave us the modern word "alphabet" The modern European alphabet is based on the Greek and (35)_________ to other European countries under the Romans. A number of changes took place as time passed. The Romans added the letter G, and the letter J and V were (36)_________ to people in Shakespeare's time. If we (37)_________ the history of punctuation, we also find some interesting facts.

Question 33. A. did                          B. had                                     C. made                       D. took

Question 34. A. distance                 B. area                        C. length                     D. earth

Question 35. A. spread                   B. appeared               C. was                                     D. occurred

Question 36. A. infamous               B. unpopular              C. unknown                D. hidden

Question 37. A. look into                B. bring on                 C. make off                 D. hold up

Read the following passage and mark the letter A, B, C or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct word for each of the questions

You can usually tell when your friends are happy or angry by the looks on their faces or by their actions. This is useful because reading their emotional expressions helps you to know how to respond to them. Emotions have evolved to help us respond to important situations and to convey our intentions to others. But does raising the eyebrows and rounding the mouth say the same thing in Minneapolis as it does in Madagascar? Much research on emotional expressions has centered on such questions.

           According to Paul Ekman, the leading researcher in this area, people speak and understand substantially the same “facial language”. Studies by Ekman’s group have demonstrated that humans share a set of universal emotional expressions that testify to the common biological heritage of the human species. Smiles, for example, signal happiness and frowns indicate sadness on the faces of people in such far- flung places as Argentina, Japan, Spain, Hungary, Poland , Sumatra ,the United States, Vietnam, the jungles of New Guinea , and the Eskimo villages north of Artic Circle. Ekman and his colleagues claim that people everywhere can recognize at least seven basic emotions: sadness, fear, anger, disgust, contempt, happiness, and surprise. There are, however, huge differences across cultures in both the context and intensity of emotional displays – the so called display rules. In many Asian cultures, for example, children are taught to control emotional responses – especially negative ones- while many American children are encouraged to express their feelings more openly. Regardless of culture, however, emotions usually show themselves, to some degree, in people’s behavior. From their first days of life, babies produce facial expressions that communicate their feelings.

           The ability to read facial expressions develops early, too. Very young children pay close attention to facial expressions, and by age five, they nearly equal adults in their skill at reading emotions on people’s faces. This evidence all points to a biological underpinning for our abilities to express and interpret a basic set of human emotions. Moreover, as Charles Darwin pointed out over a century ago, some emotional expressions seem to appear across species boundaries. Cross - cultural psychologists tell us that certain emotional responses carry different meanings in different cultures. For example, what emotion do you suppose might be conveyed by sticking out your tongue? For Americans, this might indicate disgust, while in China it can signify surprise. Likewise, a grin on an American face may indicate joy, while on a Japanese face it may just as easily mean embarrassment. Clearly, culture influences emotional expressions.

Question 38. According to the passage, we respond to others by _________.

observing their looks                                           B. observing their emotional expressions

watching their actions                              D. looking at their faces

Question 39. Many studies on emotional expressions try to answer the question whether_________.

different cultures have similar emotional expressions.

eyebrow raising means the same in Minneapolis and Madagascar.  

raising the eyebrows has similar meaning to rounding the mouth.

rounding the mouth has the same meaning in Minneapolis and Madagascar.

Question 40. The word “evolved” in line 3 is closest in meaning to__________.

reduced B. increased               C. simplified               D. developed

Question 41. Paul Ekman is mentioned in the passage as an example of___________.

lacked many main ingredients                                                

researchers on universal language

researchers who can speak and understand many languages      

investigators on universal emotional expressions

Question 42. Unlike American children, Asian children are encouraged to_______.

control their emotions                             B. conceal their positive emotions

display their emotions openly                             D. change their behaviour

Question 43. Young children__________.

spend a long time learning to read others’ emotions      

are sensitive towards others’ emotions

make amazing progress in controlling their emotions

take time to control their facial expressions

Question 44. The phrase “This evidence” in line 24 refers to_________.

the fact that children are good at recognizing others’ emotions

human facial expressions

a biological underpinning for humans to express emotions

the fact that children can control their feelings

Question 45. The best title for the passage is ________________.

Cultural universals in emotional expressions B. Ways to control emotional expressions

review of research on emotional expressions      D. Human habit of displaying emotions

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the sentence that is closest in meaning to each of the following questions.

Question 46: We chose to find a place for the night. We found the bad weather very inconvenient.

Bad weather was approaching, so we started to look for a place to stay.

The bad weather prevented us from driving any further.

Seeing that the bad weather had set in, we decided to find somewhere to spend the night.

Because the climate was so severe, we were worried about what we'd do at night.

Question 47: It isn't just that the level of education of this school is high. It's that it's also been consistent for years.

The level of education in this school, which is usually quite high, shows only slight variations from year to year.

The standard of education is not high in this school, but at least all the students are at the same level.

Not only are the standards of education good in this school, but it has maintained those standards over the years.

It isn't fair to deny that this school is successful, as it has had the same high standards for many years now.

Choose the sentence that is similar in meaning to the given one.

Question 48. Bali has far better beaches than Java, which make it more attractive to tourists.

Bali is more popular with tourists because it has more beaches than Java.

Bali attracted more tourists than Java because its beaches are much farther.

Tourists prefer the beaches in Bali to those in Java because they are far better.

Bali is more popular with tourists because its beaches are much better than those of Java

Question 49. “Send this urgent document immediately!” the officer told the soldier.

The officer requested that the soldier rush out due to the document’s urgency.

The officer ordered the soldier to deliver the urgent document instantly.

The officer recommended the soldier leave right away because of the urgent document.

The officer advised the soldier to send the urgent document right away.

Question 50. It is widely believed that hard work makes success.

People think that success is when you work hard.

Believers of success think that we should work hard.

Many people think that success at work is hard.

Many people believe that if you want to succeed, you should work hard.

________THE END_______

  SỞ GD&ĐT VĨNH PHÚC

TRƯỜNG THPT LIỄN SƠN

(Đề thi gồm: 05 trang)

ĐỀ KTCL ÔN THI THPT QUỐC GIA NĂM 2017

Môn: TIẾNG ANH – ĐỀ SỐ 78

Thời gian làm bài: 60 phút, không kể thời gian phát đề

Họ và tên thí sinh:……………………………………………………………………. SBD:…………………………

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the word whose underlined part differs from the other three in pronunciation in each of the following questions

Question 1. A. plate             B. salad                       C. lemonade               D. play

Question 2. A. bother          B. thoughtful              C. geothermal                        D. breakthrough

Mark the letter on your answer sheet to indicate the word that differs from the rest in the position of the main stress

Question 3. A. furnish         B. reason                    C. promise                  D. tonight

Question 4. A. specific         B. coincide                  C. inventive                D. regardless

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the most suitable response to complete each of the following exchanges

Question 5. – Max: “How lovely your pets are!”  - Min: “ _________”

Thank you, it's nice of you to say so     B. Really? They are    

can you say that again D. I love them, too

Question 6. Stephanie: "Oh, no! I left my book at home. Can I share yours?"

Scotts: "_______________"

           Yes, I do too           B. No, thanks              C. Yes, sure!               D. No, not at all!

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D to indicate the word or phrase that is CLOSEST in meaning to the underlined part in each of the following questions

Question 7. This tapestry has a very complicated pattern.

obsolete                 B. intricate                  C. ultimate                  D. appropriate

Question 8. The drought was finally over as the fall brought in some welcome rain.

heatware                B. harvest                   C. summer                  D. aridity

Mark the letter A, B, C or D on your answer sheet to indicate the word or phrase that is OPPOSITE in meaning to the underlined part in each of the following questions.

Question 9: During the five- decade history the Asian Games have been advancing in all aspects.

holding at               B.  holding  back        C. holding to               D. holding by

Question 10: The distinction between schooling and education implied by this remark is important.

explicit                    B. implicit                   C. obscure                  D. odd

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct answer to each of the following questions.

Question 11. They________ have seen the play last night as they went to a football match instead.

could B. must                       C. might                      D. can't

Question 12. _______ has been a topic of continual geological research.

How the continents were formed B. The continents formed

If the continents formed D. How did the continents for

Question 13. She should_________ in the garage when we come around, which would explain why she didn't hear the bell.

work B. be working            C. have worked          D. have been working

Question 14. Dr. Parker gave my mum a lovely________ for spaghetti carbonara.

recipe B. prescription           C. receipt                    D. paper

Question 15. You should_________ a professional to check your house for earthquake damage.

have B. make                       C. take                         D. get

Question 16. We_________ today and I got into trouble because I hadn't done it.

had checked our homew B. had our homework checked

were checked our homework D. have our homework checking

Question 17. I gave the waiter a $50 note and waited for my _________.

change B. supply                    C. cash                                    D. cost

Question 18. People can become very__________ when they are stuck in traffic for a long time.

nervous B. bad-tempered       C. stressful                 D. pressed

Question 19. Only one of our gifted students_________ to participate in the final competition.

chosen                      B. have been chosen C. has been chosen   D. were choosing    

Question 20. I think there's a picture of the hotel_________ the first page.

on B. at                             C. in                             D. to

Question 21. I'm saving all my pocket money_________ to buy a new PlayStation.

out B. down                      C. up                            D. away

Question 22. As a millionaire who liked to show off her wealth, Mrs. Smith paid________ we asked.

four times much as                                     B. four time as many as    

four times as much as D. four time much than

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to show the underlined part that needs correction.

Question 23:  Globally and internationally, the 1990's stood out as the warmest decade in the history of weather records.

Globally and internationally B. out C. warmest                 D. weather records

Question 24: When precipitation occurs, some of it evaporates, some runs off the surface it strikes, and some sinking into the ground.  

When B. some C. the                           D. sinking

Question 25: A warning printed on a makeshift lifebuoy says: "This is not a life-saving device. Children should be accompany by their parents."                                                                          

life-saving B. Children C. accompany             D. parents

Read the following passage and mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct answer to each of the sentences

           The principle of use and disuse states that those parts of organisms' bodies that are used grown larger. Those parts that are not tend to wither away. It is an observed fact that when you exercise particular muscles, they grow. Those that are never used. By examining a man's body, we can tell which muscles he uses and which he doesn't. We may even be able to guess his profession or his reaction. Enthusiasts of the "body- building" cult make use of the principle of use and disuse to "build" their bodies, almost like a piece of sculpture, into whatever unnatural shape is demanded by fashion in this peculiar minority culture. Muscles are not the only parts of the body that respond to use in this kind of way. Walk barefoot and you acquire harder skin on your soles. It is easy to tell a farmer from a bank teller by looking at their hands alone. The farmer's hands are horny, hardened by long exposure to rough work. The teller's hands are relatively soft.

           The principle of use and disuse enables animals to become better at the job of surviving in their world, progressively better during their lifetime as a result of living in that world. Humans, through direct exposure to sunlight, or lack of it, develop a skin color which equips them better to survive in the particular local conditions.

           Too much sunlight is dangerous. Enthusiastic sunbathers with very fair skins are susceptible to skin cancer. Too little sunlight, on the other hand, leads to vitamin-D deficiency and rickets. The brown pigment melanin which is synthesized under the influence of sunlight, makes a screen to protect the underlying   tissues   from the   harmful effects of further sunlight. If a suntanned person moves to a less sunny climate, the melanin disappears, and the body is able to benefit from what little sun there is. This can be represented as an instance of the principle of use and disuse: skin goes brown when it is "used", and fades to white when it is not.

Question 26. What does the passage mainly discuss?

How the principles of use and disuse change people's concepts of themselves.

The way in which people change themselves to conform to fashion.

The changes that occur according to the principle of use and disuse.

The effects of the sun on the principle of use and disuse.

Question 27. The word "Those" in line 3 refers to_________.

organisms B. bodies                    C. parts                       D. muscles

Question 28. According to the passage, men who body build_________.

appear like sculptures B. change their appearance

belong to strange cults D. are very fashionable

Question 29. The word "horny" in line 9 is closest in meaning to_________.

firm B. strong                     C. tough                      D. dense

Question 30. It can be inferred from the passage that the principle of use and disuse enables organisms to_________.

change their existence                          B. automatically benefit  

survive in any condition D. improve their lifetime

Question 31. The author suggests that melanin_________.

is necessary for the production of vitamin-D B. is beneficial in sunless climates

helps protect fair-skinned people D. is a synthetic product

Question 32. The word "susceptible" could be best replaced by_________.

condemned B. vulnerable                         C. allergic                    D. suggestible

Read the following passage and mark the letter A, B, C or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct word for each

                                                                  THE HISTORY OF WRITING

The development of writing (33)_________ a huge difference to the world and might see it as the beginning of the media. Pieces of pottery with marks on that are probably numbers have been discovered in China that date from around 4000 BC. Hieroglyphics and other forms of "picture writing" developed in the (34)_________ around Mesopotamia (modern-day Iraq), where the ancient Sumerian civilization was based, from around 3300 BC onwards. However, the first true alphabet was used by the Phoenicians around 1050 BC. Their alphabet had 22 letters and it is estimated that it lasted for 1000 years. The first two signs were called "aleph" and "beth", which in Greek became "alpha" and "beta", which gave us the modern word "alphabet" The modern European alphabet is based on the Greek and (35)_________ to other European countries under the Romans. A number of changes took place as time passed. The Romans added the letter G, and the letter J and V were (36)_________ to people in Shakespeare's time. If we (37)_________ the history of punctuation, we also find some interesting facts.

Question 33. A. did                          B. had                                     C. made                       D. took

Question 34. A. distance                 B. area                        C. length                     D. earth

Question 35. A. spread                   B. appeared               C. was                                     D. occurred

Question 36. A. infamous               B. unpopular              C. unknown                D. hidden

Question 37. A. look into                B. bring on                 C. make off                 D. hold up

Read the following passage and mark the letter A, B, C or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct word for each of the questions

You can usually tell when your friends are happy or angry by the looks on their faces or by their actions. This is useful because reading their emotional expressions helps you to know how to respond to them. Emotions have evolved to help us respond to important situations and to convey our intentions to others. But does raising the eyebrows and rounding the mouth say the same thing in Minneapolis as it does in Madagascar? Much research on emotional expressions has centered on such questions.

           According to Paul Ekman, the leading researcher in this area, people speak and understand substantially the same “facial language”. Studies by Ekman’s group have demonstrated that humans share a set of universal emotional expressions that testify to the common biological heritage of the human species. Smiles, for example, signal happiness and frowns indicate sadness on the faces of people in such far- flung places as Argentina, Japan, Spain, Hungary, Poland , Sumatra ,the United States, Vietnam, the jungles of New Guinea , and the Eskimo villages north of Artic Circle. Ekman and his colleagues claim that people everywhere can recognize at least seven basic emotions: sadness, fear, anger, disgust, contempt, happiness, and surprise. There are, however, huge differences across cultures in both the context and intensity of emotional displays – the so called display rules. In many Asian cultures, for example, children are taught to control emotional responses – especially negative ones- while many American children are encouraged to express their feelings more openly. Regardless of culture, however, emotions usually show themselves, to some degree, in people’s behavior. From their first days of life, babies produce facial expressions that communicate their feelings.

           The ability to read facial expressions develops early, too. Very young children pay close attention to facial expressions, and by age five, they nearly equal adults in their skill at reading emotions on people’s faces. This evidence all points to a biological underpinning for our abilities to express and interpret a basic set of human emotions. Moreover, as Charles Darwin pointed out over a century ago, some emotional expressions seem to appear across species boundaries. Cross - cultural psychologists tell us that certain emotional responses carry different meanings in different cultures. For example, what emotion do you suppose might be conveyed by sticking out your tongue? For Americans, this might indicate disgust, while in China it can signify surprise. Likewise, a grin on an American face may indicate joy, while on a Japanese face it may just as easily mean embarrassment. Clearly, culture influences emotional expressions.

Question 38. According to the passage, we respond to others by _________.

observing their looks                                           B. observing their emotional expressions

watching their actions                              D. looking at their faces

Question 39. Many studies on emotional expressions try to answer the question whether_________.

different cultures have similar emotional expressions.

eyebrow raising means the same in Minneapolis and Madagascar.  

raising the eyebrows has similar meaning to rounding the mouth.

rounding the mouth has the same meaning in Minneapolis and Madagascar.

Question 40. The word “evolved” in line 3 is closest in meaning to__________.

reduced B. increased               C. simplified               D. developed

Question 41. Paul Ekman is mentioned in the passage as an example of___________.

lacked many main ingredients                                                

researchers on universal language

researchers who can speak and understand many languages      

investigators on universal emotional expressions

Question 42. Unlike American children, Asian children are encouraged to_______.

control their emotions                             B. conceal their positive emotions

display their emotions openly                             D. change their behaviour

Question 43. Young children__________.

spend a long time learning to read others’ emotions      

are sensitive towards others’ emotions

make amazing progress in controlling their emotions

take time to control their facial expressions

Question 44. The phrase “This evidence” in line 24 refers to_________.

the fact that children are good at recognizing others’ emotions

human facial expressions

a biological underpinning for humans to express emotions

the fact that children can control their feelings

Question 45. The best title for the passage is ________________.

Cultural universals in emotional expressions B. Ways to control emotional expressions

review of research on emotional expressions      D. Human habit of displaying emotions

Mark the letter A, B, C, or D on your answer sheet to indicate the sentence that is closest in meaning to each of the following questions.

Question 46: We chose to find a place for the night. We found the bad weather very inconvenient.

Bad weather was approaching, so we started to look for a place to stay.

The bad weather prevented us from driving any further.

Seeing that the bad weather had set in, we decided to find somewhere to spend the night.

Because the climate was so severe, we were worried about what we'd do at night.

Question 47: It isn't just that the level of education of this school is high. It's that it's also been consistent for years.

The level of education in this school, which is usually quite high, shows only slight variations from year to year.

The standard of education is not high in this school, but at least all the students are at the same level.

Not only are the standards of education good in this school, but it has maintained those standards over the years.

It isn't fair to deny that this school is successful, as it has had the same high standards for many years now.

Choose the sentence that is similar in meaning to the given one.

Question 48. Bali has far better beaches than Java, which make it more attractive to tourists.

Bali is more popular with tourists because it has more beaches than Java.

Bali attracted more tourists than Java because its beaches are much farther.

Tourists prefer the beaches in Bali to those in Java because they are far better.

Bali is more popular with tourists because its beaches are much better than those of Java

Question 49. “Send this urgent document immediately!” the officer told the soldier.

The officer requested that the soldier rush out due to the document’s urgency.

The officer ordered the soldier to deliver the urgent document instantly.

The officer recommended the soldier leave right away because of the urgent document.

The officer advised the soldier to send the urgent document right away.

Question 50. It is widely believed that hard work makes success.

People think that success is when you work hard.

Believers of success think that we should work hard.

Many people think that success at work is hard.

Many people believe that if you want to succeed, you should work hard.

________THE END_______

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giáo trình boya

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[xavierscos]

Stuff to post w art today:

For the robosona ref:

Yup here’s my botsona!!!! Here’s some extra info on him!!!

·         He has inner fans to keep him below a certain temperature (one of them is busted)

·         If he gets too flustered/excited and goes past a certain temperature, he’ll blue screen and crash

·         If he gets too stressed he’ll do that weird color static thing computer’s do and then he’ll crash

·         Has a volume + power button on the side of his head. You can mute him by turning down his volume button (which will then result in him communicating through emojis and such)

·         He can use emojis when he’s not muted but he doesn’t really like doing that. The only emoji he uses no matter his volume level is the knife emoji

·         Can display words one at a time on his screen (the most used are: various curses such as FUCK, CUNT, ASS, SHIT; YES; NO; MOE; C-3Y). the word ERROR shows up when he crashes/does the blue screen thing

·         Pupil can change shape (hearts, eye swirls, money symbols, etc)

·         His cat companion Booby (yes based after my cat Boobs) was actually stolen! Yup! This lil bot fella stole a cat from someone’s house and the cat just ?? went with it?? And bonded with the bot??? anyways story is xai was homeless for a lot (he still is but now he travels) so every day when the person went off to work he’d sit at the fence and pet the cat bc booby would hop over it and he’d feed the cat and shit and one day he just. ran off w the cat

<b>Liquid mood-color chart </b>

Purple – standard mood, average

Pink – lovesick/lovestruck, doting, affectionate (tints the purple a bit more pink around ppl he genuinely loves buuut gets really bright when feeling Extra Affectionate)

Blue – sad, sullen (darker means feeling worse)

Red – angry, outraged (brighter means angrier)

Yellow – excited, energetic (different from happy – brighter means more energized)

Dark green – jealous, bitter, resentful

Bright green – disgusted, grossed out,

Pinkish-red – embarrassed, flustered, nervous,

Blue-green – apologetic, guilty

Neon/cyan blue – Frightened, panicking, scared

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For the Duckpaw/Perse + alters

Hey yall as u kno duckpaw/perse has DID so I,, finally made art of her alters anyways let’s go

WC name | Human Name | Info | <b>How to tell if WC form is fronting</b> | <i>How to tell if Human form is fronting</i> |

 Mudpuddle | Mariana | She/Her. She’s the essential “caretaker” of the system. Makes sure the body isn’t damaged beyond repair and will take care of the body after Duck/Perse has had a bad episode. | <b>She constantly grooms her fur so it curls upwards slightly rather than Duckpaw’s straightforward style. Speaks in a soft, low tone.</b> | <I>Curls her hair w/ a curler. Wears blouses, dress pants, boots.</i> |

Patches | Dudley | They/Them. Tends to stick up more. Will front when Duck/Perse is being pressured to do shit she doesn’t like and/or recalling blocked out memories. Irritable, snarky, snide. Tends to be rather smug and a know-it-all. Yells @ ppl who pisses them off. | <b>Doesn’t groom as much as Duck or Mudpuddle, so fur kinda sinks down ish. Not really too far but. Still spiky like Duck’s. Cranky, loud. Will typically let u kno they’re fronting</b> | <i>Wears suits and ties, or dress shirts and pants. Wears hair up in a bun.</i>

Bugs | Bud | He/Him. Prefers to isolate himself, distances himself away from friends and shit. Doesn’t interact much unless necessary. Sleeps a lot and eats a lot. | <b>Will run off from camp and hide out in territory. Doesn’t groom, collects dirt in fur. Doesn’t really talk around others either.</b> | <i>Won’t change out of pajamas, doesn’t brush or wash hair, locks himself in the room.</i>

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That ross/perse picture

Oooohhh boy lemme dive into the history of human au ross + Persephone real quick uh

<b>Trigger warnings: Physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental/emotional abuse, psychological trauma, death, pedophilia</b>

Ross had 4 other siblings and he was the youngest – his mother died after giving birth to him, so he always kinda carried around this guilt that he was the reason his mom was dead. His dad always kinda was distant/didn’t spoil him as much as the others, but he still cared for ross and shit. When ross was about 10 or so he was driving with his siblings while he talked 2 ronnie on the phone. Another car kinda rammed into them and they got in a pretty bad car wreck which Ronnie heard over the phone so he called ross’ family and shit. Reyes and hollyanne and his dad all came and a couple of ross’ siblings died on scene; he was hospitalized with one other sibling. He had a broken arm and a couple fractured ribs, bruising and lacerations but he was alive – his sibling was in a coma and didn’t come out.

Ross’ dad was kinda resentful bc he lost all of his kids besides ross and he already kinda resented ross for taking away his wife so he like. flat out ignored ross, didn’t talk to him, didn’t really do anything. Hollyanne started picking ross up to and from school bc he started missing bc his dad wouldn’t drive him. Eventually ross and his dad moved in w hollyanne and reyes (and then addar and Persephone came along). ross’ dad started saying some nasty comments over a period of a year or two that started to bring ross’ waaaayyyy down so ross turned to another guy (said guy was 18, ross was 13-14) who flattered him and told him nice shit. This guy took advantage of ross + ross’ insecurities and slept with ross more than once (despite ross saying he wasn’t comfortable the first few times)

The family caught ross + the guy in his room one night and hollyanne/reyes were pissed @ the guy bc this dude is 18,,preying on a 14 y/o so they kicked the dude out (they started filing for charges/restraining order after) but ross’ dad was pissed @ ross bc this wasn’t “right” (ross’ dad was a firm believer in abstinence and also this is an adult with a child and ross’ dad kinda blamed ross for not realizing what was happening was bad) so ross’ dad’s belittling started getting worse and worse afterwards and one day ross kinda said something back and ross’ dad hit him over the face and hollyanne/reyes were like “alright you have to go like right fucking now” so they kicked ross’ dad out and he left w/out looking back and ross hasn’t spoken to him in a while

Ross is now a bitter dude who thinks his only value in life is sex/sexual purpose and he doesn’t believe he can amount to anything good so instead of risking shit (like failing grades or job interviews or whatever) he bribes ppl 2 either do shit for him or give him shit (take a wild guess abt how the briberies work)

 Persephone has like 98% of her memories from her childhood blocked. Her mother died a little bit after her first birthday and no one knew who her dad was so she went into care under her uncle and her uncle was,, kinda poor so he had a bunch of friends/family he lived with. Persephone saw a lot of death growing up (people overdosed on drugs, sickness related, people got shot) and that kinda stuck with her through her life so she has a phobia of death stimming from that. Also some of her uncle’s friends started getting uh, handsy with her and touching her and shit so that has ,, stuck with her. She’s blocked out the memories but if she tries to recall them she’ll have a bad mental reaction. Eventually she managed to book it during the middle of another move (the family moved around a lot) and she kinda wandered the streets for a few days until hollyanne/reyes spotted her and took her in. eventually after a little bit of living w them she came out as a trans girl so now holly and reyes r helping her with her transition n shit. Also they got her professionally diagnosed

When she was in like 7th grade ross had brought home some dude he worked with on a science project. The guy was a senior but took some lower classes and shit,, also he’s addar. Anyways addar was always rlly friendly w Persephone and gave her a lot of brotherly attention and holly was eventually like “Hey do u mind babysitting ross and perse while reyes and I go out and do some errands” and addar was like “sure!!!” eventually they all got super close and addar moved in(?) so now theyre all one big happy family :”)

 Uh characters mentioned belong 2: :devberryboats: :devbabysiut: :devppurble:

((pls don’t read this if the triggers will cause bad shit just lemme kno what u wanna hear abt the history ill give u an abridged version of where ur charas r involved))