#is a (presumed) straight white dude

[subcultureblues]

I have a. Weird hobby. I buy old magazines on EBay. Mostly to read about bands I like whose articles and interviews haven’t been well archived on the internet. An unintended side effect is getting a glimpse of subconscious cultural narratives from 20, 30, 40 yrs ago.

You can tell so much about the state of a society and how they view people like me, from the most random innocuous magazine articles. Their callous disregard for queer people, the mischaracterization and mythologizing of woman, the blasé absence of POC artists and creatives.

It should be disheartening but it isn’t. Society was sick. And in a few short decades we’ve managed to flip the script almost entirely. The society that wrote these words is almost unrecognizable to me now. We’ve come so so far, from such a dark place. And we’ll do it again. And again if we have to. We’ll come back from this dark place too, not through the natural forces of entropy, but by biting and clawing and fighting anyone who dares treat us as less than

[mildlyromanticperv]

Why would I...?

Eunha x MReader. Fluff. Fighting insecurities.

-Babe, dinner's ready! -You called your girlfriend down to the living room after a couple of hours in the kitchen, today's Friday night and you two planned an evening together to make up for the lost time during the week, her job as professional makeup artist is a 24/7 on-call job and you come exhausted every day due to the physical demand of your construction work.

-Coming! -Her sweet voice echoes through the walls of your shared apartment just like music into your ears. Due to the the small amount of time you've been able to spend together the last couple of weeks, she comes out dressed ready for an outdoors date and her perfume... Oh my god her perfume... Such indescribable scent fires up every nerve of your nostrils filling your heart with a warm fuzzy feeling you can only describe as... Love.

-Sweetie, you didn't have to! I'm disgusting and you dressed up so adorable... -You know you're supposed to be a manly man, hairy chest and all... But being alone with your girlfriend takes out that sensitive side of yours only she can experience.

-Don't say that! I mean I certainly wasn't expecting you to be all dressed up in tuxedo or anything, but you look really handsome tonight. -She smirked at you as she took a seat at the dining table. -Plus, the mere fact that you and I can finally spend some time together makes up for anything. I've missed you so much.

At these words you expres a huge "Awwww" within your brain that you can't quite express due to your sheer focus in plating your dinner, as if you were to cook for the president itself. -I've missed you so much as well, baby, actually today I was told I might speak too much about you... Hehe.

-What do you mean!? -She answers embarassed and blushing, her voice raises due to the thought of you flaunting her among coworkers.

-Yes baby, I can't help but presume my girlfriend. -You shrugged and finally came out of the kitchen ready with the food and a couple of tall glasses, not long after you came out with a fresh bottle of white wine to go with the dinner.

-This all look so awesome! I didn't know you were such a good chef... -She says with a sultry voice flirting so blatantly the whole thing felt like two youngsters discovering their new love. -You spoil me too much, I guess tonight I'm going to have to be extra kinky...

-Eunha, behave yourself. -You say jokingly in a very poorly acted stern voice. -I'm not that kinky... -You blushed embarassed for her teasing.

During the rest of the evening you two engulfed the food with awe and excitement, since there was no words exchanged, the looks between you two flew in a mute ode of romance, teasing and... dirty talk.

After such buffet served on your dinner night the only thing left was to rest the food with a movie in your living room, between you two there was always a banter to choose this movie so both could be pleased... although deep down you always knew that she's the one to win since her puppy eyes are almost impossible to say no to.

-Baaaaaaaaabeeeeee, let's watch scary movies! Pleaseeeeee? -She attacks first with pouting.

-But sweetie, you fall asleep always in the middle of the movie, lets watch something with action... adventure, you haven't seen Lord of the Rings, have you? -You block her first punch and answer with a broad swing.

-No, that's only half-naked dudes slashing and punching, no fun... -She holds her chin thinking. -Why don't we watch a Disney movie? Perhaps Aladdin? -She ducks your punch and then respond with a well placed uppercut right on your chin.

-You know I'm a sucker for musicals... -You say to her with a suspicious voice, enjoying the blatant manipulation she just engaged in. -I still don't know... What about Godzilla? You said you wanted to watch it... -You endure that uppercut and throw an open hand punch straight to her cheekbone.

-Mmmm, maybe... But I'm not in the mood for giant monsters destroying cities, plus I don't like the CGI. -She gets ready for her final blow, she knows the power she holds over you and she doesn't hold herself back. -I wanna watch Inside Out babe. -Finally she uses her signatur pout and holds your arm, pressing herself against you and looks from below into your eyes with her stray puppy eyes.

-Fiiiiineeeee. -You answer reluctantly because you know better than upset your cute girlfriend.

As if an oracle predicted it Eunha falls asleep barely at 15 minutes of the movie, your heart flutters at the feeling of her cheek pressing against your shoulder and her steady peaceful breath.

-I love you so much. -You say to her barely above a whisper not really looking to wake her up, slowly and with stealth you turn off the TV and let her lay down on the couch, placing her head on your lap where you start caressing and combing her hair, she stirs around facing your abdomen and curling into a ball right next to you, luckily she brought a blanket for her feet so you cover her to make her comfortable.

Times such as these, so flawless, so quiet, they feel like frozen in time... Her porcelain skin shines under the faint light of the TV and her pink hair spread along your knees and your lap is the perfect combination for you to have to control your every cell not to wake her up and propose right there and then.

Her chest goes up and down slowly following the quiet sound of her breathing, after just a few minutes in which you're completely sure she's fallen completely asleep you let her head rest on a nearby cushion to go and prepare our bed for a much needed long night of sleep. You lift your girlfriend grabbing her gently by her legs and her shoulders, out of love for your girlfriend you just let her in the bed with her current outfit just taking out her shoes and socks.

Finally you start tidying up and cleaning the kitchen and the living room, you turn off all the lights and proceed to lay down on the bed, holding Eunha from behind as the big spoon.

The very next day you wake up next to a pillow with the scent of your girlfriend, but no sight of her.

-Eunha? -You ask still in the recently awoken state and rubbing your eyes. You quiclñy grab your slippers and stand up looking for her just to find her in the kitchen with a very soothing smell of hot coffee.

-Sweetie? Did you sleep well? -She says as she sees you coming out of the room in a groggy state, her outfit changed from her white blouse and furry blazer to a pink pajama with a cotton coat for the cold, a pair of oversized pajama pants and fuzzy slippers. -I didn't want to wake you up, I know you need a good rest.

-It's fine babe... -Yawn. -Did you sleep comfortable? I didn't wanted to wake you just to change into a pajamas last night. -You chuckle remembering her peaceful expression.

-Yes sweetie, I imagined I might fall asleep so I wore comfy clothes.

-You always think of everything even when you're exhausted, that's so cool!

-It's called paying attention to the details, dum dum... -She chukles as well.

-There's only one thing I like paying attention to and she's making coffee... -You walk around the kitchen counter to hug Eunha. -Thank you babe.

-You can thank me by washing the dishes, dum dum. -She says enjoying the closeness of your embrace around her waist, she enjoys this so much she lets out a quiet hum of satisfaction when you start rubbing her arms.

-Okay mom I'll do it soon. -You roll your eyes playfully, but righ away she smacks your cheeks.

-Idiot. -She says with a big smile.

You then start to wash the dishes and notice something you have been noticing for a few days but never really payed total attention to, Eunha's dish was in the fridge with leftovers from last night, she didn't eat the whole thing.

Usually this wouldn't be weird since she stays fit for her own decision, but this time you ensured to give her a reduced portion, so... Why would she left food on the plate?

You spend the rest of your dish washing deep in that thought, not quite being able to explain yourself why that change in her eating habits.

Could it be for health issues? Nah her childhood illness is gone and she told you doctors assured there's no way she'd have it again.

Is she being bullied? Perhaps her coworkers are just jealous she's so fit, but still... She's very confident on herself, it doesn't add up.

What could it be? Is she hiding something?

Your mind runs wild with the possibilities until she gently pokes your shoulder.

-Sweetie? Is everything okay? -She rests her hand on your shoulder, clearly worried.

-Yeah baby I'm okay, I was just lost in thought, that's all. -Surely you didn't lie to her... but you didn't tell her the whole truth as well.

-Is it because of the new construction site rules?

-Sort of yeah, I have the feeling they're withholding information.

-Well babe don't you worry for now for that, it's Saturday, we have to rest.

-You're right babe. What would I do without you? -You clenched your nose playfully to ask her for a kiss.

-You'd be lost, probably even still at the grocery store not knowing what to buy for last night's dinner. -She chuckles and she tips on her toes to plant a soft kiss on your lips.

-I love you, my sweet bunny.

-I love you two, my handsome puppy.

I think perhaps I should've warned about these sweet times, for diabetic people this might not be good for you.

-What are we going to have for breakfast? -She asks once the coffee is poured and you two meet at the table to discuss your day.

-I was thinking of some grilled cheese sandwiches and smoothies.

-Oh, really? -She looks to one side thinking of it but either way accepts the offer. -Sure babe, but we don't have anything for grilled cheese.

-I know, I'm going to order takeout, I want to spend my morning cuddling with you. -You pout as she do with puppy eyes hoping she'd say yes.

-Okay okay babe... -She chuckles. -Come here. -She takes your wrist and walks to the couch where she sits in between your legs and wrapping herself around with your arms. -Babe I.. I want to ask you something, it's... kind of important.

Your heart beats rapidly, anxious and unsure on what to do, what is she wanting to speak about?

-You know you can trust me, honey, of course, talk to me. -You nuzzle your face in the crook of her neck and hold her tight.

-You... you think... -Her voice fades, speaking in such a low voice it's only a faint whisper in the air. -You think I've put on weight? I... I feel like my thighs and belly are getting bigger...

-Wait, honey, is that why you've been eating less? -You ask clearly concerned.

-I thought you wouldn't notice... -She says with a small crack on her voice.

-Babe... -You chuckle slightly obviously not trying to offend her. -I'm worried you might get sick if you don't eat well, for the rest, I don't care... -You start to caress her arms and belly trying to reassure her. -If you feel that you need to do so, I'll support you exercising or eating more veggies, but trust me. -You whisper closer to her ear with a loving voice. -You're perfect just the way you are. Bigger thighs? You know me, that's my favourite feature from you along with your smile and your aroma... Bigger belly? You're just more huggable.

Your words get to her heart, speeding it up so much she feels her own heartbeat on her ears, she goes red and flustered with your words up to the point a small tear of joy falls down her cheek.

-You... you mean it? -Her voice cracking almost going to cry.

-Babe, I really don't care, you can turn brunette instead of your pink hair, or perhaps go bobcut... Hell, you could go bald, gain weight, stop doing your makeup and I'll still love you with all my heart. -You let go of her belly and spin her around gently so she can face you, then you place your right hand on her cheek very gently, caressing slowly. -You're the love of my life, and there's absolutely nothing that could make me love you less.

She leans into your touch, feeling peaceful and reassured with your words, but the faint thought of her insecurities still linger in her brain.

-But... wouldn't you like me to be thinner? -She pouts avoiding your gaze.

-Why would I? Would you stop being Jung Eunbi if you changed or if you gained a pound or two?

-Well... no, but... -You gently lift up her chin to make her meet your eyes.

-No, right? I fell in love with Jung Eunbi, not the body of Jung Eunbi, as long as my baby is still there, I really don't care how you look. -Right after this you clean up the tear that threatens to fall down her cheek.

-You're just too kind to me, you're just saying those words... -She pouts.

Unable to think of anything else to say than the truth that reigns in your heart you just do the first thing that comes to your mind.

You quickly lean forward and press your lips softly against hers, you close your eyes and hum in content, your left hand wanders to her waist and presses her lower back, pushing her body against yours.

-Would you stop loving me if tomorrow I go bald? -You ask after separating your lips from hers.

Her cheeks are blushing wildly and she looks for her breath softly. -No... I wouldn't, but please don't do it, I love your curly hair. -She chuckles feeling reassured by your words and your actions.

-I won't babe, but you get my point, right?

-I... I do, thank you so much sweetie, I love you so much. -She hugs you and nuzzles against your chest, crying slightly out of pure joy and thankfulness by the thought of you loving her that much.

-I love you so much as well, my sweet Eunha.

[hapuchika]

The White Healer Chapter 1

Chapter Summary: Reader makes a new friend. Saves a bunch of people too..

Chapter warnings: Graphic injury, death

Series Masterlist

X—X—X—X

A loud roar caused you to jerk up straight only to get a stray energy blast straight to your chest, knocking you into a building, breaking your spine and rupturing your lungs. Coughing up blood, you sat their for a second as you felt your spine heal itself, your lungs regenerating. The pain was enough to make you pass out but now wasn’t the time.

“HELP ME PLEASE” A distant voice screamed

Immediately, you ran towards a shop whose roof had caved in. As you neared the shop, a shockwave threw you head first into a crumbled building. You let out a scream as a few metal rods pierced your legs, and shoulder. Whimpering, you pulled them out and felt your body immediately reattach muscle fibres and fix your dislocated bone. 

As soon as you could, you ran towards the shop, jumping in through the broken window. You saw an old man passed out on the floor, part of the roof had crushed his leg. Blood gushed out at a concerning rate as you pulled him out. Immediately you started to heal him, wincing as you felt your leg get crushed and blood drain out of yours. However, to anybody watching, they would see the old mans body glow with a white light wherever he was hurt while your body remained the same, a slight glow emanating from your eyes.

Once he was healed, the man shot up and started looking around frantically.

“Wha-“ he started

“Please” you croaked, kneeling onto the ground. “Run towards the flying rescue ships”

“What did you do? I feel better than I’ve felt in decades” he asked as he stood up and rushed to your side.

“It doesn’t matter. Go. Please” you said, slowly getting up.

As soon as he took off you started walking towards the cathedral, where you heard that roar. If you had to guess, it would be where the avengers were fighting. Those fucking robots were everywhere. While walking, you saw one of the robots enter a jet of some sort. Aiming at the arrow dude. You sprinted in that direction and watched in horror as the jet started firing. However, the arrow guy and the girl he was protecting vanished from your sight, instead some dude with white hair was standing near where they were.

“You didn’t see that coming?” He said, looking at someone (presumably the arrow guy) as he fell, his torso riddled with bullets. Without paying much attention to the jet, you slid to the white haired guys side. His pulse was incredibly weak. Immediately, you pressed your hands against his forehead and chest. From the corner of your eye you saw the arrow guy looking at you as the white haired boy’s bullet wounds started to glow white. You winced as you felt your lungs get ruptured by bullets, your abdomen and heart pierced. Within a few minutes, the white haired boy gasped in a breath. His eyes fluttered as he looked around, finally landing on you.

“What did you do” the boy asked as he slowly sat up.

“I did what I had to” you whispered. 

“We need to go, the city won’t last very long. And the last rescue carrier is about to leave” The arrow guy interrupted.

At once, the white haired boy stood up, grabbed the little girl and zoomed off to the carrier.

Sighing, the arrow guy looked at you, eyes narrowed. “You wanna head in?”

Nodding, you walked with him towards the carrier. To your horror there were so many people with injuries. Unable to help yourself, you knelt besides a woman who had a pretty bad gash on her side.

“Please” you said looking at her glassy eyes “Let me help”

Nodding she closed her eyes as you slowly started to heal her. You felt your side rip open and to your surprise, felt 3 of your ribs break. She sighed in content as you finished healing her. Letting her rest you walked towards the next victim, this time a little boy who was cradling his arm. He had some blood running down the side of his head. You knelt next to him and asked him the same question. Once he gave his consent, you brought your hands to his chest and slowly healed him. His glowing head and arm brought attention from everyone on the life raft. They all watched as you healed him, letting out a pained groan. One by one, every person on the carrier had been healed and was resting. You could feel your body screaming at you. While the injuries you healed on others wouldn’t physically show on yourself, you would feel exactly what happened to them and heal before they could be visible. This meant your mind would register every single injury. You sat in the corner of the raft. Eyes drooping from exhaustion.

You heard more than saw the white haired boy sit next to you.

“Thank you. I thought I had died.. I’m Pietro, by the way. Pietro Maximoff” He started.

“Y/N Y/L/N. And it’s no problem” you mumbled

He noticed your exhausted state. Chuckling, he put his hand on your knee

“Get some rest. I’ll look out for you” he said comfortingly.

With that you let darkness take over, succumbing to the fatigue.

[slvtforfiction]

Jealousy

☆ Jealous Colby x Reader 🤭

☆ Secret situationship

☆ Kinda toxic ngl

☆ MATURE. (Suggestive)

☆ Short,sorry loves ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

☆ A like,comment and reblog is always appreciated:)

☆ Creds to @cafekitsune for dividers :)

Masterlist | Pinned Post

“Fuck Colby if he doesn’t want to show you off wear it.” Kat shrugged as I looked at myself in the mirror. My silky red dress,extremely short may I add.

“He’ll be mad though Kat.” I said as I stared at my figure in the mirror as Kat sighed,sitting in my bed watching me check myself out.

If I’m honest I would be jealous of myself,my boobs looked amazing in this dress,not to mention my ass.

“He won’t even show you off to his friends though! Show him what he’s missing!” Kat said happily.

We had already done our makeup and Kat was just waiting for me to agree with her because in the end,she was right.

“You know what you’re right.” I said confidently, “We ready to go then? Because girl you look hella good.” Kat said “Fuck yes let’s go.” I said smiling to myself.

I turned around from the mirror with a little spin as she cheered me on,I smiled to myself,I was never as confident as I was until I met Kat.

My red lipstick,white eyeliner and my straightened hair was beautiful,definitely have to wear this more often.

“Sam!” Kat yelled as she walked in and immediately saw him,Colby looked over in our direction,biting his lip as he watched me strut over to grab myself a drink.

I smiled to myself,my plan clearly working. I mean it wasn’t my initial intention to make him jealous but it was definitely my plan now.

I bent down to grab a white claw from the mini fridge,my dress riding up my ass to show just enough skin. I mean enough to annoy Colby.

He shrugged and walked away and I smiled to myself as I walked over to Sam and Kat.

“Girl he’s pissed!” I shouted over the music, “Who?” Sam asked as me and Kat laughed at each other. “Colby.” I said matter of factly, “Why?” He asked again, “Because of what I’m wearing.” I laughed.

He nodded and walked away presumably going to find Colby. “Girl you should have seen his face!” I said laughing to myself as Kat grabbed a drink “Kind of sad I saw Sam now.” She said laughing light heartedly.

I soon saw Colby walk down the stairs with Sam with no top on,I smiled,If that’s how he wants to play,I can play dirtier.

I downed a shot and walked over to some guy that had been eyeballing me since I got here.

“Hey.” He smirked as I walked over to me,I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes from his cockiness. “Do you wanna dance?” I said jumping straight to the chase.

This guy was a douche and I knew that from the other parties I had seen him at,he thought he could have any girl he wanted and it was infuriating and Colby knew that.

Me and Colby were nothing exclusive,we were only talking,so if he wants to act like I don’t exist in front of his friends maybe I can act like I don’t even know who Colby is.

I began grinding up on this guy as his hands rested on my rib cage, I immediately noticed his terrible hand placement and my mind began to drift back to Colby and how perfect his hand placement was.

I quickly snapped out of my thoughts as my arm was dragged away from him, “Dude what do you think your doing?!” He yelled over the music, “This is my girl,don’t fucking touch her.” I heard someone shout behind me,I looked behind me to see Colby.

He dragged me over to a corner where we weren’t easily seen, “What the fuck was that?” Colby roared.

“I was just having fun.” I shrugged and he didn’t like that answer,he pinned me into the corner and grabbed my hips,slightly harder than he usually would.

“Stand here and tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave you alone,you won’t ever have to hear from me again.” He told me,I shook my head and quickly pulled him in for a kiss.

This kiss wasn’t lust filled,it wasn’t jealous. It was passionate and filled with genuine love. I smiled into the kiss before he pulled away.

“Y/n,be my girlfriend?” He asked and I quickly pulled him in for another kiss, “Ofcourse Colbs.” I said after pulling away.

[vinelark]

oh hey it's wip wednesday 🫡 [cw for biphobia from some NPCs]

It’s an image post; there’s an article linked underneath, but the poster has presumably pulled the pictures from the webpage and dropped them here directly. The first one shows Tim on a curb, clearly outside a hospital—tham General visible in the top of the frame—looking exhausted and calm and wholly uncaring of the fact that he’s being photographed, even though Kon knows there’s no way Tim isn’t aware. Not on the ground, not in his city. Kon notices the cast next, encasing Tim’s whole lower leg. Crutches tucked under his arms. The brief flash of a white wristband below his jacket sleeve. There’s a sleek car idling in the first image, and in the subsequent photos a girl leaps out of the back seat to embrace Tim. She’s turned away from the camera the whole time, but she’s tall and blonde and her lipstick leaves a mark on the side of Tim’s mouth in the last picture. The linked article speculates that Tim Drake must be taking pointers from his foster father when it comes to cycling through flings; the comments seem to agree, along with unsuccessfully trying to guess who the girl is.

damn, talk about a short attention span, the top comment says.

Good for him ig but wow can we get one bi celebrity who’s not a total stereotype in this city? says another.

dr4per: Lol he’s barely a celebrity, people only care bc of the wayne connection.

hc1942: he’s probably not even really gay anyway. bet he was just drunk off his ass last weekend

33lolnotmyrealname: three-beer queer, tale as old as time

PippinWasFramed: Dude, he’s sixteen.

Ovalcaterpillar1403: Everyone’s just using queerness for clout before going straight again and I’m truly sick of it.

bg_04: wow can we get one reddit user who’s not totally biphobic too?

[xreaderbooks]

Paradise on Earth (21)

Chapter: 21. Poguelandia

Pair: JJ Maybank x Routledge! Reader

Summary: island paradise fades into memory when you and the pogues are rescued by a strange man

Warnings: language, violence, jealousy, kidnapping, plane crash, animal cruelty (i guess), guns, allusions to murder, let me know if I'm missing anything.

Word Count: 7.2k

a/n: idk if you guys listen to lana but i feel like jj x y/n are so 'chemtrails over the country club' coded

Wattpad | AO3 | Playlist

Chapter 20 | Series Masterlist | Navigation | Next Chapter

You once believed that the Outerbanks were as close to peace and paradise as you would ever get. The waves on the beach, tanning on the boat, and beers that tasted like shit but were a refreshing lifesaver on a hotter-than-hell day. You were wrong.

Poguelandia was your Paradise on Earth.

You were aware of how insane it must be to be glad you were stuck on an island with absolutely no way of getting back to modern civilization, but the whole experience of this place was out of body. You were in the most ideal situation of your current stranded status.

You weren't alone, you had your family with you, with your combined strengths and skills you were all able to build a system on how to survive.

The first week was full of prep, foraging fresh fruit, gathering coconuts and wood, figuring out how to boil fresh water, and weaving a shelter from when it rains out of leaves and long sticks. 

JJ made sure to claim the island with a flag made out of his white T-shirt and ash from the fires you all made to keep warm during the night. He climbed high up on top of a palm tree to tie the flag. Just as he said he would, it read 'Poguelandia' with a chicken laying back with its arms (wings) behind its head, chillin' in a coconut bra and Crocs, smoking a joint. 

Sure, fresh water was a bitch and a half to make and food came straight out of the ocean but when you thought about it- the only difference between Poguelandia and the OBX was that the Chateau was a slightly more stable shelter. Well, that and here you had free food.

In all honesty, if there was a boat that miraculously did find a way to this island that could take you all home, you weren't sure if you would want to leave.

The only person whom you shared this confession with was JJ. He confessed he felt the same.

On week two with no sign of life, the reality of the situation slowly creeps its way into the group's minds, with plenty of time to think about what you wanted from life, if there was one past Poguelandia- this was what you wanted. The life JJ's described to you a million times before.

The boards were the only thing lacking, however, JJ was prepared to chop down a tree with his pocket knife and make one through trial and error.

Late one night, the others were fast asleep, you had taken a nap earlier during the day and were the last one still up, you took a walk to the beach and let the cool water trickle over your feet. You stood there with your eyes closed until you felt yourself shiver from the cold.

You were thinking about curling up by the dying fire and willing yourself to sleep, that was until you flinched at the 'Hey dude' you heard to your left.

"Hey," You replied once your heart calmed. "Thought you were knocked out."

"I was but then I felt someone was missing," He nudged you with his elbow. "Had to make sure you weren't eaten by a jaguar or something."

"I'm pretty sure if there was a jaguar here, we would know by now."

"Or would we? They really got that sneak attack down pact," He spoke in a knowing tone.

You nudged him back with two fingers on his shoulders, "Then I suggest we get hunting." JJ looked like a God in sunlight, but under the moon with the view of the water it made you want to kiss the life out of him. Neither of you ever acknowledged the moments in the dark of night during the summer when John B was presumed dead, you knew he didn't want to. 

It was in the back of your mind constantly these days, you no longer pushed back on the thoughts that told you he possibly wanted more, you could file everything under him being a protective best friend and that he was only looking out for you cause he didn't want to see you get hurt, John B would kill him if he could've prevented something from hurting you. Including himself, a voice in your head urged you to consider.

"What?" JJ asked, a nervous smile peeking through. You blinked, realizing you'd been staring at him. 

"Nothing. Sorry," You shook your head with a smile of your own. You both stood in silence for a minute before you gathered the courage to ask him, "If we had a way of getting off this island, would you?" 

"Hell no," He responded without hesitation. "Nah, I mean, would you?"

You scoffed out a laugh, "No, Yes. No." It was a dream you didn't want to wake up from, waking up would be coming back to reality, realistically you couldn't stay here in this moment forever but it will be engraved in your mind for the rest of your life. 

"I get it," He shrugged.

"Do you?" You questioned with no other underlying connotation but hope. He had nothing in the OBX, other than problems, disappearing off of the face of the earth was in his favor. You had... well, you had John B and the Chateau. Was it worth going back for the latter? 

"Nah, not really, we've been living here." JJ spread his arms out and turned in a circle to compliment the island. "Best life I've lived on this here, Poguelandia." 

"Yeah," You fixed your gaze back on the water. 

"But you, I guess, you'd wanna go back to school or something," JJ sniffed.

You raised your eyes to look at him, he thought that you were concerned about school? With all that you've been through, that was the last thing on your mind, that's probably on top two of Pope's list. You supposed that if you were talking about reasons to go back, if you had to, finishing school would have to be a priority in getting your life together. 

"J, fuck school."

He barked out a laugh til he was wheezing, hands on his knees, face red (from what you could see with the darkness), clutching his stomach as he gathered himself. "Fuck school." He nodded and coughed out the rest of his amusement. 

"This was the goal, wasn't it? To stay, I want to stay."

"Yeah you do," He grinned. "If the lady wants to stay, we'll stay."

The deal was sealed with the handshake made years ago, on the last side bump and snap you both stood looking at each other for a second longer than necessary.

"I thought it'd be weird if I just said that I wanted to stay, we have no reason to go back, at least you and I don't."

"Now you know I got you, you stay, I stay. The rest of them can fuck off," He turned back to see everyone still asleep. "Not really, they should stay too, but you get what I mean."

"Yeah, dude." 

 Something slithered past your foot in the water and you jumped. 

"Oh my fucking god!" You squealed, stepping away from the water and onto the safety of the beach sand. "Did you feel that?"

JJ bent a little, reaching his finger into the water, "What, this?" He splashed water up at you.

"JJ!" You giggled and kicked water at him in revenge. "Your ass is mine."

"Promise?" A bigger splash came your way. 

~~~

You, Kie, and JJ were carving wood into spears to hunt for fish when Kie brought up the same topic you and JJ were talking about a couple of weeks ago. She thought aloud about potentially being rescued.

"Rescue?" JJ scoffed, "From what, Paradise? I'm not going back." 

Kie glanced at you with an amused smile and continued to stare at JJ as he admired the island. 

"Look around, we got everything we need, right here." JJ sent you a quick wink, causing you to smile knowingly as you finished wrapping the sharp rock around the rigid stick.

"Just like we talked about," Kie mused. You were taken aback slightly at the romanticism behind her tone. 

With a nod of his head, JJ agreed, "Exactly."

The time on the island has given you time to reflect and accept what's always been there, and you are no longer going to deny the attraction in Kie's eyes when she looks at JJ. There had been a shift in the dynamic and you weren't sure how this would end. Last you checked, JJ was in love with Kie, Kie never batted a lash at that fact, you were in love with JJ- something you never openly confessed to anyone except Kiara. It's not like you needed to anyway, they all more or less knew. 

"We ready to provide for the family?" JJ hops up and twirls the sharp stick. 

"Let's do it," You dust off your shorts. 

"Let's go kill something!" JJ practically skipped in excitement at the thought of action. 

Kie cringed, "You don't have to say it like that." 

"That's exactly what we're gonna do." 

"It sounds barbaric," Kie didn't like the idea of killing an innocent creature but even she had to admit that surviving on fruit was simply not enough. 

"Circle of life, Kie, unless you want to eat coconuts forever" JJ's mention of the fruit made your stomach turn. 

"After the past month, I think I'm good on coconuts," She admitted. 

The three of you traveled to the west side of the beach where there was known to be constant active sea life, as noted by JJ. He instructed you both on how to stand and how to stab the spear into the water, you and Kie practiced until JJ said he saw something moving. 

"Remember, watch your shadow, they see that and they're gone" JJ warned you both. "Here we go."

You weren't entirely confident in your newly acquired skills but it was your nerves or your dinner, and you were starved. 

You spotted something in the water, silver and gliding smoothly in its environment. "Guys, look!" 

"It's a skate," JJ confirmed, "Get 'em."

"Got it!" You went in for the kill but it swam away faster than you could stab. "Kie, he's coming toward you." 

"I can't," She hesitated. "I really can't." 

JJ follows the fish and spears the stick into the water with a grunt, "Damn it, I missed it. Where is it?" 

You snorted, "So do we all just suck at-" Before you could finish your sentence, Kie lifted the makeshift spear with the skate at the end of it. 

"Oh my god," She exclaimed and jumped into JJ's arms. 

"You did it!" You cheered her on despite the jealousy gnawing away at you. 

JJ hugged her back with one arm, "We're having skate tonight!" 

Your nose wrinkled at the blood that dripped from the fish, "Full Pogue." You murmured. 

"Full pogue!" JJ repeated in a loud shout. 

~~~

You came back heroes to the rest. Cheers echoed when you came back with protein. 

You sat around in a circle with adequately full stomachs, a game of truth or dare started not too long ago, it went back to Sarah whose turn it was to ask. 

"John B, truth or dare?" She took the hat made out of leaves and tossed it to your brother who chose truth. "If you could do it all again... what would you do differently?" 

Your mouth formed an 'o' as you nodded, the question was a good one, you knew everyone had plenty of things they'd do differently from the beginning.

"Get the gold before Ward did," JJ spoke. 

"Hide the cross a little better," Pope stated after. 

"Not yell 'murderer' at Ward, maybe," Kie side glanced at you guiltily, her shoulders hunched in a shrug.  

"Steal a couple of bottles of rum before we jumped off the boat," John B answered. 

"Yeah, why didn't you do that, actually?" JJ whose back was facing the group had turned to ask him. 

"Cause I was running for my life, maybe," John B looked at you all for help jokingly. 

You chuckled, "I'd probably not sleep with Rafe." You winced at your own confession. Sarah's eyebrows shot up. 

"Hold up," She let out a laugh of disbelief and straightened on her place on the log, "When was this?"

"Feels like long ago, at this point," You released a stressful sigh.  

"Yeah, we've all made some crazy ass choices," Kie came to defend. 

"I guess we're even now," Sarah eased back into her seat. "You're taste is despicable though."

You couldn't help but look at JJ for a second, to see if he had any reaction, he kept quiet and continued drawing random patterns in the sand with a stick. 

Cleo broke the slight tension that was creeping its way in, "I would look both ways before crossing the street." 

"Yeah, my bad," John B laughed. 

"You're turn, chief." Cleo focuses on John B to ask the next person. He turns to Kie and asks her to pick, plopping the hat onto her head.

She chose, "Truth." 

"If you could go to your parent's house on figure eight this instant, would you do it?" 

She deliberates for a short while, "No chance." 

"Seconded," Sarah agrees. 

"Hear, hear," JJ lifts his coconut. 

"The shower's tempting though."

You groaned at the thought of a shower, "I could use a good shower right now." 

Kie throws the hat JJ's way, it falls to the sand before he picks it up, "JJ. Truth or dare."

"I mean, do you even need to ask?" He fixes it on his head. 

She points to the highest cliff in view, "Big jump. Nobody's done it yet, dare." 

There wasn't a hint of hesitation in his expression as he went straight up the cliff. The rest of you waited down below cheering him on as you saw his small figure standing on the edge of the rock. 

"There he goes," You say to no one in particular. 

Kie stands to the right of you with her arms crossed, shaking her head with a smirk, "He's not gonna do it."

"Oh, you think I'm not gonna do it?" Somehow JJ heard her from all the way on top. Part of you thought he wouldn't either, he's been up there for a few minutes now as if he calculating the height and the possibility of him dying from the rocks below, though you couldn't recall when was the last time he cared.

"He's gonna do it," Pope counters. "It's highly dangerous, zero reward? He's doing it." 

JJ howled to the ocean, exerting the energy he would need to jump. He took several steps back before going into a run and his body hit the waves. 

He swam to meet you all on the shore, Pope and John B tackled him into the water as soon as he was able to walk away from the waves that were calling to the group. 

While the boys drowned themselves, you and the girls ran into the water, letting it cool you down from the heat of the day. 

You didn't know the guys were done with their mini wrestling match, and let out a surprised scream at a pair of arms circling your waist from behind you and lifting you out of the water to then be body slammed in. 

JJ emerged at the same time you did, you parted the hair from your face as you came up and launched yourself at him in an attempt to 'drown' him. It didn't last very long, his arms were around you once more and carried you bridal style out of the water, following the group back to the shelter. 

"I actually thought I was gonna die, I'ma be honest!" He admitted. 

"You looked like you were gonna die," Pope told him. "I thought you were gonna die." 

"You can put me down now, thanks," You glared at him with no real malice. Your arms were still wrapped around his neck. 

He shook his head, "Nah, I'm good." 

You rolled your eyes, and only missed his warmth a little when he set you back on the ground to walk back where the others were already starting a fire for the night. 

Silence befell the group as the sun went down and the sky grew dark, the lighthearted fun turned into a peaceful calm as you all sat around the pit of burning embers. 

~~~

"Y/n, wake up," You felt your shoulder being pushed. You shoved the hand away from you, you had found a comfortable position a couple of hours ago in your sleep, you were in deep. "Come on."

With an irritated huff of your breath, you wiped the sleep from your eye and saw that mostly everyone was gone, Sarah was hovering above you. You sat up quickly, and your eyes widened at the sound of the blades of a plane. 

You walked over to the figures of your John B, Kie, Sarah, and JJ. The latter looked back to you with a frown, an astute look at what lies ahead if the plane heard the shouts of your brother. 

His voice cracked from how loud he was trying to make himself shout, "We're right here!" He waved with his arms stretched high. 

Pope and Cleo were gone, and you knew that they went to start the signal fire Pope thought to build. Piles and piles of dried leaves and wood to a fire for whomever to see, smoke, an SOS. 

You and JJ shared a frown, neither of you wanted to move. You couldn't help but notice Sarah's lack of enthusiasm as well, it didn't matter, none of you could stay. 

John B wanted out, and Sarah would follow him anywhere. Kiara had her parents, and so did Pope, Cleo had nothing to lose either way. 

You felt guilty for not feeling the sense of emergency the others did, dread overwhelmed you. Kie, and John B, screaming at the top of their lungs. The sound of disappointment as the plane flew into the distance, panic from almost being rescued became relief. 

It came back soon again as the others noticed it turned back around. 

"He's going to the pond," John B announced. "Come on, come on." 

You grudgingly went along behind them, as JJ and Sarah did. John B and Sarah were the first ones to the plane. Cleo and Pope are close behind with Kiara trailing them. 

JJ held your wrist as you were going to follow, you halted your steps and turned your neck to see that JJ had his head down, jaw set, he didn't want to leave. 

You knew, and you didn't want to either, you twisted your wrist out of his grasp and abruptly brought him in for a hug. 

"I know," You whispered in his ear. He gave you one tight squeeze and let you go.

"Come on," He encouraged you to come along with the quietest voice. 

Pope, Cleo, and John B let out exhilarated cheers as they approached the man who opened the cargo door. 

"What do we got here?" The man had a dark striped linen shirt, red shorts, and sandals. A hat dangled from his neck underneath his long brown hair tied back into a low ponytail, and aviator sunglasses to complete the look. 

You thought it was a bit odd for a guy to just so happen to fly by the area when in the month that you've been here there hasn't been a peek of air traffic. 

"Oh, you know, just a couple of castaways." John B always the leader, responded casually. 

"Well, I'll cross that off the grocery list," A southern accent came through. You didn't like that you couldn't see his eyes behind his glasses. "Hold on, I got just the thing for y'all." 

John B appeared to be hopeful, beside him, Sarah had said nothing. It didn't seem like she trusted this guy either. "Hey no, Look at this guy, you think he works for your dad?"

"Two things you need on a deserted island-" The guy continued. 

"It's okay," You heard him try to convince Sarah when she shook her head in denial of his words. You didn't know if this guy worked for her dad or not but there was something off about him. 

"First aid and rum," He brought out a red kit and a bottle, tossing the glass full of liquid at Sarah who let it fall into the water, Pope caught the red box easily. "So, what's the story? You guys sank a boat?"

"Jumped off one," John B shrugged. "Her dad's."

You narrowed your eyes sharply at the back of John B's head, he shouldn't be giving this guy a lick of information, but he was practically giving it all away. What if he was working for Sarah's dad? 

"In-laws, man," The guy drawled out. "They're tough. Well, have no fear, Jimmy's here." 

"Well, all hail Jimmy, guys!" Cleo declared. "Let's go." 

"Welcome aboard the Flying Fish, y'all, I'm Jimmy Portis." He introduced himself as the group boarded the small plane. "I'll be your captain today, now, is this all? Seven of you?"

"Yeah, is that okay?" 

You tuned out their conversation and hung back with JJ, not willing to go back but you knew that John B would drag you back over his shoulder if he had to. You'd like to believe that he'd accept it if you wanted to stay behind but the truth was you only had each other. He wouldn't leave you and you... you can't just leave him. 

Your footsteps felt heavy while walking up the steps of the cramped plane, you said a silent goodbye to Poguelandia. 

~~~

You sat in the back of the plane, across from Kie atop a box, it gave you flashbacks of the shipping container. Though this is much less spacious. 

"What were you doing all the way out here?" You elevated the tone of your voice so it could be carried to the front of the plane for Jimmy to hear. 

"I got a little guide outfit in Saint Vincent, I was spotting fish," He replies. 

You didn't know much about fishing or fishing seasons but his story didn't feel right. He was flying a plane to spot fish, alone? 

"What were spotting?" JJ asked a follow-up question. He was crouched behind the co-pilot seat. 

"You know, the usual, Wahoo." 

John B's head lifted and he caught JJ's eye, moving his head slightly, the small shake of his head was enough to tell you that what that Jimmy guy said wasn't right. 

"I'd hang on to something, get a little spicy on takeoff," Portis warns you and puts on the headset. 

You grab ahold of a hanging handle as the plane takes off. 

The radio is rattling off stats you had no comprehension of, you were all officially in the air. 

JJ beckons you all the move forward, so you all scoot to the front to hear him. 

"Wahoo don't run in September," He affirms. "Ever, alright? So whoever this man is, he's not a fisherman." 

"Maybe the run just starts earlier out here," Pope suggests.

"You sure about that?" The expression on JJ's face said it was highly doubtful. "In the Caribbean?"

"No, I know what this is, he's working for my dad and he's probably been looking for us the entire time," said Sarah.

"We gotta find out, start looking for some sort of clues," JJ trails off when he spots the bag hanging from the back of Jimmy Portis' seat. He signs for John B to distract the pilot while he- the certified Klepto- gets to snooping. 

John B taps on the man's left shoulder as John B is behind him and gets him to look over while JJ works to the right of him. He begins to chat up the pilot with questions about his life and JJ digs through the bag, pulling out a book titled 'The loss of El Dorado'. 

He opened the cover to find a picture of the coastal venture, the ship you had all escaped from. 

Sarah grabs the picture and shows John B, "This is the boat we were on, with Eberhimi and the cross." 

"So he was looking for us," Cleo said more than asked. 

"He's working for my dad." 

The aircraft shook suddenly, making you jump where you sat. 

"Y'all better hold something, we got some unexpected turbulence up here!" Jimmy cautions you all. 

You look out the window to see the mainland in view, "Guys, whatever's happening is happening fast." 

"That looks like Barbados, I've been there with Terrence," Cleo recognizes. 

"There's six of us, one of him, you know vote." JJ, as always, suggests violence. "We storm the cockpit." 

"No, w

"Who's gonna fly the plane, dumbass?" John B rationalized. 

"I've seen Pope fly simulators."

Pope stutters, "I crop-dusted for my uncle last summer, this is not the same thing."

"We are going to die," You accepted your fate. 

Kie speaks up, "No we are not, and we don't have time to pretend that's a real option." 

"Do you have an idea?" JJ snarks back.

"Something safe." 

"Why don't we just wait until the plane lands somewhere safe and then we sneak out," Pope forms a plan. "If somebody comes to mess with us, we mad-dog them." 

Nobody protested the idea, it seemed generally solid. Kie told JJ to put the stuff taken out of Jimmy's bag back before he noticed but as he was in the process of doing so, John B's distraction didn't work so well the second time and he turned his head, catching JJ in his bag. 

"The hell are you doing?" Jimmy shoved JJ out and JJ pushed back, he was fighting with one hand and lost control of the plane. 

You didn't have time to think, the plane was going down, and everybody flew to the front as the Flying Fish dove straight into the water. 

The plane was filling up quickly, already halfway full, you coughed up water as you pulled yourself up from one of the hanging handles. 

John B kicked open the door, and immediately protested, "Oh no, no, no, no. They don't look friendly." 

"No, they look very unfriendly," Pope looked out next to John B. 

"We gotta go."

The vessel was sinking fast, John B was helping everybody get out, Cleo went first, then Sarah, Pope dove out after, and JJ next. 

"Y/n, come on!" John B yelled. 

Your leg got caught on one of the ropes, "I'm going." 

"What's wrong?" Kie panics looking at you. 

"I got it, it's okay, go." You were busy trying to untangle your foot. You heard JJ call out for you guys to hurry before it sunk. 

"Hang on!" She yells back at them and helps you. 

"Shit," You curse, the rope that was tied around your ankle had given cut you from what you assumed was when the plane went down. It was twisted twice around your foot but you were both able to set it free. "Got it, Kie, let's go."

"Portis," She swims to the man who was unconscious, "Help me get him out." 

Fuck, you curse mentally, this thing was sinking fast. You already wasted time trying to set yourself free, now you had to help out the guy who kidnapped you guys. 

You and Kie carried him out with the help of the water, you were both struggling to swim yourself until you reached the shore with no sign of the others. 

You grunted as you dropped your half of the man to the sand, two locals came to help. 

Your ankle now stung with a medium-sized gash was sliced around half of your leg. You coughed out the salty water you swallowed while swimming with the man who was now alive. 

"Thank you," His bloodshot red eyes looked at both you and Kie as he expressed his gratitude. 

"You lied to us," Kie growled. "Who are you?" 

"Kie," You saw men coming in ATV's. "We need to go." 

You were tired of running, but what would happen if you didn't was worse. 

"Shit," She hisses. "Let's go." 

You ran ignoring the stinging sensation of the cut, the adrenaline helping you out, the panic and anxiety set in, and that made you feel more than the open wound spilling blood. 

"Over here," you found an old wooden boat painted blue, rusty oil containers that could shield you from view. You both hid in between them, catching your breath for a good couple of seconds before you were found. 

A man crouching down to look and Kie punched him, and you both ran. There were four men with vests and guns, two on either side. You went one way, she went the other, and you ran straight into them. By the sounds of the struggle, Kie got caught too. 

You flailed your arms and tried to push down his arms from where they were around your waist but it was no use. You kicked your legs, and your elbow hit something but that made the man's arms crush you in his hold. 

"Let go of me!" You screamed and growled. The other man grabbed your legs with no remorse for the cut. You didn't stop moving, you scratched the man who held you in his arms deep enough to draw blood. 

"Fucking bitch!" He squeezed until you felt a deep pain in your ribs. 

They didn't stop moving until they had you on the back of a trunk with your hands tied behind your back. 

Kie was there, shivering in her place, you stopped fighting once you saw her. You supposed now you would have to accept whatever was going to happen together. 

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Fucking amazing," You grumbled. "Are you?"

"Never been better."

And who else showed his face other than Jimmy Portis? 

"We saved you," Kie snarled. 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry" He looked weak and spineless. "I'm gonna try to help you guys, okay? I swear, I didn't know it was gonna be like this. Look, if you don't fight, if you just do what they say, these guys probably won't hurt you." 

He didn't know it was gonna be like this; meaning he was not high up on whatever fucked up chain this was, which meant his promise of helping meant nothing. 

"What did Ward promise you?" 

"Who?" He gave Kie a quizzical stare. "Just take my advice, do what they say. Good luck."

Another man with a vest sat in front of you both, giving you a hard glare, probably a buddy of the one who grabbed you. If the whole no-fighting thing was true, you were screwed, then again it didn't matter what you did- if he didn't know who Ward was then that meant you didn't know what you were dealing with and you were screwed anyway. 

~~~

The anxiety pumping through your chest was overstimulating. Your body was shivering intensely, at first it was from the initial shock of the surfacing from the fresh water. Now you were sure the events of the day were catching up to you, putting a physical strain on your body, but you fought through it. 

You observed the roads your kidnappers had taken, memorizing as many details as you could for when you would eventually escape. With Kie by your side, the both of you could surely find your way through this town. 

The truck slowed to a stop, the driver rolled down his window to talk to an armed guard with an intimidating German Shepherd. One quick look and one of the two men standing in front of the gate, lifted it for the truck to go through. 

You looked around at your surroundings and noticed this place was heavily guarded, practically a fortress. Miles and miles of land with men stationed not five minutes away from each other.

The estate was several stories high, again- guards posted everywhere. You and Kie were yanked to the front door, and let in by a housekeeper. 

To the right of the foyer, you immediately notice the artifacts enclosed in glass cases.

"Take them upstairs, Orinoco room for this one-" The Housekeeper instructs the guard who grips Kie's bicep and takes her up. "Nazas room for that one." 

The same man who you scratched snatched you similarly to how the other one did Kie, with more unnecessary force than needed in your opinion. "Up." 

"Y/n?" Kie's neck turned to you. 

"I'm right behind you," You reassured her. 

He took you to a room next to Kiara's, he tossed you inside with a sneer, slamming the door behind himself without a word.

"Hey!" You yelled. "What the hell am I here for?" 

No response. 

You pounded on the door to hopefully get an answer, "Who do you work for? Why do they want us here?" 

You grumbled to yourself taking in the room they stuffed you in, you were scared you admitted to yourself. They could have at least kept you both together, you knew they probably wouldn't do that since they could clearly care less about your comfort after kidnapping you... 

The room had three windows with a nook, floral printed curtains, walls painted a coral color. The four-poster bed facing the door, your brows scrunched in confusion at the open wardrobe to the left of the bed with hanging identical red dresses. You walked over to it and plucked the note with the words 'pick your size' written. 

The question 'What the fuck?' just gets deeper and deeper. You aggressively crumbled up the paper into a ball and threw it at the door. 

You sighed and walked to the open door next to the one the guard shut, walking in, there was a mirror and a sink with a shower to the left. You took one look at yourself and winced at the difference you saw from the girl you were. 

Aged, matured, whatever you wanted to call it- that was you. You stood straighter, your hair was frizzed and you were darker than your normal tan from the sun you took on Kildare. Your nose and cheeks were tinted red; burnt. 

Your shoulder slumped from exhaustion, hold it together, you told yourself. You can break down later. 

~~~

The shower was reviving, you felt refreshed your hair felt soft again, and you relished in the feeling of being clean and slipped on one of the dresses that were in your size. You were impressed with the size range the mysterious nabber had. They even had several pairs of heels to match, you released a laugh and felt delirious, this was unreal. 

You admired yourself from different angles and did a double-take when you saw a third door. You went for it and turned the knob, it was unlocked, it creaked open and you gasped. 

Kie's room. There she sat in a dress the same as yours, color and style, down to the heel. She had her head clutched in her hands, lifting her head up at the sound of the door. 

"Kie, oh my god," You strode over to her with arms outstretched. She mimicked you into an embrace. It was comforting to know you weren't entirely alone anymore. 

She sighed into you, "Did the guy tell you anything?" 

You pulled away and shook your head with pursed lips, "No, did he?" You asked if her guard gave her any information.

"Dinner, at eight." 

"Oh yeah? Just a casual sit-down dinner while holding us hostage," You replied sarcastically. "Sounds like an entertaining night."

"At least we have adjoining rooms," Her lips twitched upwards. "If Ward wasn't the one searching for us then who is this guy?"

"Didn't know we had so many enemies," You took the liberty to sit on the edge of her bed. 

"Should we even be surprised at this point?" She rolled her eyes. 

"Nope."

Your heart felt heavy. 

~~~

A knock on Kie's door startled you both out of the reminiscent conversation you were having about the island, life in high school and how you both thought last year's summer was gonna go before this whole mess started. 

The maid from earlier appeared you both scrambled out of the bed and fixed your dresses. You glanced at each other, you linked arms as you walked down the steps, and you resisted the urge to take Kie and run through the front doors where you knew you'd be shot down the minute you stepped foot out of the perimeter. 

She directed you both to the dining room, a man was standing with his back to you, serving himself a glass of an amber liquid. 

"Excuse me?" Kie spoke first in a shy tone. 

The man turned and your stomach sank, Rafe. It was Rafe who stood there, in a white button-down shirt and blue blazer. His hair was buzzed, and you felt your heart in your throat.  

"You," You hissed, marching up to him. "You were behind this." 

Rafe sized you up, flashing one look at Kie, "Y/n, what?"

"I knew it had to be you and Ward," Kie jeered at him, a few steps behind you.

"What are you talking about?" He faced you both head-on, "Are you trying to weasel in on my deal, is that what's going on?"  

"I wondered if your little reunion would cause sparks, you know," A voice cut through from a room to the right of the dining table. A tanned man with a beard smirked as he strolled over to you three. 

"Who are you?" Rafe stepped forward. 

"Me?" The man in the grey suit pointed to himself. "My name is Carlos Singh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cameron. Ms. Carrera, and Ms. Routeledge, I do apologize for the rough tactics in bringing you here. But, please, come sit down."

Apology not accepted? You wanted to say but refrained from doing so, the air around him was not in the least bit friendly or open and inviting though it sounded like he was trying to be. 

"Come now, I don't bite," He waved you all forward. 

You dared to walk through the threshold first, sitting on a sturdy chair that felt expensive underneath you, Kie sat next to you with a round coffee table in between both seats. 

Your eyes stayed narrowed at Rafe as he followed suit, visibly stressed, rubbing the lines on his forehead. "Rough tactics, what about me?" 

Singh poured himself a drink, "Yes, Mr. Cameron, false pretenses. But the ends justify the means, I'm afraid. Sit down, we have a lot to talk about." 

Rafe takes the chair across from you, leaving the one next to him, open. 

"Why are we here?" Kie tensed. 

"Well, Ms. Carrera, Routledge, Mr. Cameron, we share certain interests. Objectives." 

"Is this not about the cross?" Rafe interrupts. 

"It is, tangentially, it is about the cross." He confirms, "It's also about something much, much bigger than the cross by order of magnitude." 

The man stood in front of a painting, "The completion of a grand quest. You see, the story goes that four hundred fifty years ago- a Spanish soldier came out of the Orinoco Basin with a few gold beads, and when they asked the Spanish soldiers where the beads came from the Spanish soldier replied he got them from a peaceful indigenous tribe who lived in a city of gold. El Dorado.

"And for the next four hundred and fifty years, people tried to find that gold. They tried." Singh picked up a knife from the desk cabinet below the painting. "Conquistadors, knights, captains of ships, tribes; entire nations. All fighting each other in a race for the end of the rainbow, thousands of lives laid on the pyre of gold fever, and it falls to me." 

"It falls to me to complete the task," Singh strolled over to you, knife in hand. Your eyes never strayed from the hands that handled it. "To bring full circle a quest that has gone on for almost five hundred years, perhaps the greatest quest in the history of the western hemisphere. You three, are going to play a part in that." 

"Ms. Routledge, daughter of a man who was interested in making history, don't think I don't know you're family history." 

You cleared your throat, "Past, present, future. They all kind of mesh together in my head sometimes, you know." 

"Yeah, I didn't listen to a word you said, okay?" Rafe chimed in, "How much are you gonna keep philosophizing?" 

"You are direct, aren't you, Mr. Cameron?"

"What do you need from us?" Kie asked. 

"I've come to believe that you and your friends are in possession of something that can help me get what I want."

"Which is?" You couldn't think of something he could possibly want. 

"An old manuscript, a diary, actually."

You kept your features neutral, giving away nothing, "A diary?" 

You were starting to notice a pattern with people who talked, thought, and associated with the cross. All greedy fanatics.

"We don't know anything about a diary," Kie shrugged casually. 

"How else could you have learned that the cross was on the Royal Merchant."

"We would help you if we could but we can't."

"I was hoping you wouldn't say that you know, because unfortunately, I don't believe you. you and your friend here," He pointed to Rafe, "Couldn't have found the cross without it." 

"He's not our friend," You clarified. 

"We can't all be friends," Singh's tone was grim. You didn't want to know what was gonna happen, knowing you couldn't give him what you wanted- even if you wanted to the diary was in Kildare. 

"This is ridiculous," Rafe stands, "Okay, I'm out. I don't know anything about a diary." 

He walks backward with hands half raised in surrender to then face one of the many, many guards in the house, gun across his vested chest. 

"Do I look like a fool to you, Mr. Cameron?" Singh grew dangerously impatient with Rafe. "You have the cross, their friends had the cross at one point, so one of you has the diary."

Rafe's eyes bore into yours, you let him, your own gaze unwavering. 

"And if you really don't know, then I suggest you convince your friend to tell me, once I have the diary- you'll be free to leave." He lightens his tone before it darkens again. 

He leads you three up the stairs and into Kie's room, "I must warn you though, I am not a man of infinite patience. You have one day, go to the window for a little demonstration." He pats Rafe on the shoulder before exiting.  

You heard the click of the lock, solidifying the trap. You clenched your fists, fingers cracking to help with the anxiety at what you were going to witness. 

Rafe protests and yanks at the doorknob, Kie comes up behind you as you open the curtain, and then Rafe joins you on the other side. 

You heard shouts, and then Jimmy Portis being dragged by another guy. 

"Who is he?" Rafe being this close to your ear made you shuffle closer to Kie. 

"It's Jimmy Portis, we know him," Kie responds for you. 

You felt a stab of guilt, "He must've been trying to help us." 

Singh looked up at the window where the three of you stood watching, he had a handgun, making it obvious of his intention. He walked out of view where Jimmy was, there was a cock of the gun clicking, and not a second later came the booming shot fired. 

~~~

a/n: SEASON 3!!! thank you all for your love and patience, i love you all, let me know what you think

let me know if you'd like to be tagged :)

@jbassettjmaybank - @deanwherescas - @thtbwltts - @nerdypartytrashpsychic - @random-girl-army - @wisegirlies - @instabull - @sexyfoxlady - @bubs-world - @sdawn03 - @mendesclines - @obx-pogues-4-life - @mentalforfics - @p-prettybitch - @namacissi - @dczedhee - @inkandpen22 - @royalavenger - @ayeitsjustmee - @80strashbag - @onlyangel-444 - @freds-slut - @poppet05 - @itsjuststaticnoises - @ahnneyong - @lovepizza567 - @jasminfelling - @rana03 - @loki-loveer - @rana030 - @lostinatimeline - @boldlypessimistic - @clinelyn - @a-j-stuffs - @yunhobug - @syd223sworld - @strawberry--fawn - @mysticalavenuecheesecake - @itsmytimetoodream - @natashtessabeth12 - @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles - @chervbs - @or-was-it-just-a-dream - @newbooksmell777 - @afterzonee - @hana-1235 - @ilovesteveharrngton - @s1Ingwns - @jesssssmaybankk - @auspicious-manner - @mirellef2001

if your name is cross that means tumblr won't allow me to tag you, i'm sorry :/

[elliesflower]

i saw you in a dream [6]

chapter 5 here

summary; you get in your head about ellie and cat.

chapter; 6/? 2.5k words

cw (per chapter); language, light angst

an; SURPRISE SHAWTY

it's my birthday but i felt like giving y'all a gift. you all make my days so special and put a smile on my face with your sweet comments and messages. i love you all with my whole heart!

find this chapter on ao3 here, i also made a spotify playlist to go with this story, listen to it here :)

“Cat,” you repeated her name, with a smile. But it felt like poison rolling off your tongue. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” she smiled back, and her teeth were fucking perfect, bleached white and practically sparkling in the soft ambient lighting in the theatre. It sounded insincere, somehow. 

“So, Ellie,” Cat was back to talking to Ellie as if you didn’t exist, turning away from you so that you could gaze at her super angular jawline and dreamy slick black hair as it gently brushed her shoulders. Ellie shot you a quick look that you couldn’t quite decipher—it’s not like Cat would have noticed though, she was too busy tugging at the hem of Ellie’s flannel. You quickly averted your eyes, backing away slowly, scanning the room for Dina. Wishing desperately that the earth would just open up and swallow you whole. Their conversation suddenly seemed…personal. 

“I was thinking tonight I’d take you out to dinner, my treat! Your set was amazing,” she was purring. “I couldn’t have done this without you,” and if she had a tail it would be sticking straight up in the air, curling at the tip and pulling Ellie in. You glanced back at Ellie, who didn’t look at you, and instead looked down and grabbed Cat’s hand from her flannel. You turned all the way around now, swallowing the lump in your throat. 

But Ellie sang your song. Your song? The two of you had hung out one time. You can’t have a song with someone after one hang out, can you? It’s a pretty popular song, and easy enough for a quick performance. Yeah. Your brain tried to piece it all together, drowning out Ellie and Cat’s voices behind you, maybe if you squeezed your eyes shut you could just pretend you were somewhere far, far away, not making a fool of yourself in front of a pretty girl you thought might like you too. 

“Dude, we gotta go, my chem professor just saw me and he’s gonna rip me a new one for missing my final,” Dina appeared practically out of thin air, like a goddamn angel, and grabbed your arm, tugging harshly. You opened your eyes, blinking at her. 

“Wait, you skipped your chemistry final?” 

“What? It’s not like I was gonna pass anyways,” she shook her head at you like it was obvious. 

“Oh. Yeah, okay, whatever,” you sounded dejected. You felt dejected. You probably looked it, too. Dina glanced behind you, presumably at whatever disgusting form of PDA was occurring between Ellie and Cat, based on the change in her expression.

“Who the fuck-” 

“It doesn’t matter,” you cut her off, starting towards the door. “Let’s just go.”

It was stupid. This was stupid. Of course Ellie would end up with a person like Cat. Girls like Ellie don’t go for people like…you. People like Cat always have the upperhand—their features the pinnacle of modern beauty standards, voices like a slow dripping faucet of saccharine honey, a presence that captivates the room in an instant. There was no competing with that. They always win. 

“Hey,” Dina’s voice was laced with concern, and she was by your side in an instant, matching your stride as you practically stomped towards the exit. You tried to blink away the tears that slightly clouded your vision. “What happened back there?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” you said, not looking at her. You could feel her gaze piercing into the side of your head, and could envision her brows pinched together with worry. 

“C’mon, just tell me. Who was that?” 

“It was no one,” you grumbled, blinking rapidly now, fighting the burning behind your eyes. 

“Well ‘no one’ sure had some fucking audacity to-”

“Audacity to what, Dina?” You stopped dead in your tracks, turning to face her. She looked at you with wide eyes. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Your tone was harsh. You felt it, as it painted Dina’s face with dispirit, the corners of her mouth turning downward slightly. Instantly, you regretted it. 

“Okay. I’ll leave it,” she forced a smile, but you couldn’t say anything else, just stuck dead in your tracks as you looked at her, unmoving. Blinking. Why the fuck are you blinking so much?

“Seriously, it’s okay,” she said after a moment, but her voice sounded a little shaky, and you felt like shit. How did Ellie get into your head like this? 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” you burst, the pressure behind your eyes turning into a waterfall, spilling from your eyes as you covered them with your hands, shaking your head. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just…a lot.” 

“Hey, I said it’s okay,” Dina assured, and her voice made you want to cry even harder—she was so good to you, grabbing your hands away from your face and leading you further down the hall, away from the people that were trickling out of the theater. “I’m sorry for pressuring you. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Ever.” 

“No, it’s not that,” you sniffed, letting her lead you out the main entrance. “I do want to tell you, it’s just…frustrating,” you sighed, exasperated as the cold hit your face and pricked your skin through the holes of your sweater. 

“I get it,” she nodded. 

“I can’t believe I thought I actually had a chance with her,” you moped, wiping the wetness from under your eyes. Dina was quiet next to you as you walked, though she looked deep in thought, watching the ground as the two of you walked. She led you all the way to a bench just outside of your dorm building without saying another word. You watched your breath turn to fog as you sat, instinctively pressing against Dina to share body heat. 

You felt shameful. Both for that terrible interaction with Ellie, and for snapping at Dina. You wished you had never even gone to that open mic, that you had just said you were sick like you’d proposed to Dina a few hours before when the nerves were settling in—you supposed you should have listened to your gut. 

“That was her roommate. Cat,” and yep, the name was still venomous. Dina looked at you, silently prodding you to continue. You looked down at your hands, rubbing them together in your lap. 

“Apparently, they ‘go way back,’” you made air quotes. “Wednesday, when she invited me to this, she mentioned something about a toxic ex. I have a feeling it’s her. Although she kind of acts more like they’re currently together.”

Dina watched you for another moment, before turning away, looking down at her feet. She was silent for a moment, and you wanted to scream. Even Dina, the queen of advice, had nothing to say to you. Lovely. 

“I’m sorry, but if Ellie doesn’t see what she could have with you then she’s fucking stupid,” she blurted suddenly, and she was no longer sad, but angry. You looked at her, and she was shaking her head, looking out into the empty courtyard.

“Dina, it’s really okay,” you said, but your voice was small and unconvincing. 

“No, I’m serious,” she said. “That was fucked up. And I’m sorry.”

You looked back down at your hands. 

“It’s okay,” it didn’t sound like it. “It was just a crush. I’ll get over it.” Dina kept her eyes on you, watching as you bounced your knee anxiously. 

Just a crush. Hah. Okay. 

“Do you want to go inside?” Dina asked after a beat. Yeah, you were fucked. 

“I think I’m gonna hang out down here for a minute. I could use the fresh air,” you said quietly. 

“Fresh air? Dude, it’s fucking freezing out here, you’re going to catch a cold or something,” Dina chided, before standing up. “God, you’re making me sound like a mom.”

“I’m really okay, Dee,” you tried to smile, but it felt awkward on your otherwise solemn face. “I’ll walk around a bit. I’ll be fine.” She looked at you for another moment with pursed lips, before nodding slightly. 

“Turn your ringer up, yeah?” 

You nodded, accepting her warm hug, gratefully. Ironically, you thought, she also kind of hugged like a mom. 

You regretted not going in with her about thirty seconds into your walk. It was kind of hard to think about anything but the bitter cold stinging your cheeks—though, you supposed, that was kind of a good thing. Maybe the freeze would seep into your brain and ruin the part of your brain responsible for holding onto memory of Ellie. Kind of pathetic, huh?

“Are you out here all alone?” 

You nearly stumbled over nothing, flinching when a voice startled you out of your thoughts, turning quickly to the sound. 

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. 

“Ellie,” you breathed, your eyes widening, your heart rate increasing by the second. She adorned a tan Carhartt coat now, her hands stuffed in her pockets, and she looked a whole lot warmer than you felt. You swallowed thickly, unsure of what else to say. So much for forgetting about her. 

“You disappeared,” she spoke for you, kicking her foot against the ground softly. Nervously.

“Yeah,” you said lamely. She nodded for a second, before looking down at her feet. You wanted to run away. 

“What are you-”

“I just wanted to-”

Both of you tried to speak at the same time. You immediately crossed your arms across your chest, partially for warmth, mostly because you felt really fucking awkward. 

“Uh, go ahead,” she gestured at you to continue speaking. 

“Oh, I, uh- was just going to ask…uh, what you were doing. Out here,” you stammered a bit, trying to gauge her expression. Fuck, she was hard to read. 

“Well, my house is that way,” she pointed behind you. “So, I gotta walk…this way…” she trailed off, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly. 

“Right,” you nodded, shivering slightly as a breeze swept between the two of you. You didn’t really want to hear what she was going to say. 

“Are you cold?” She asked, eyes suddenly soft. 

“Well I’m not exactly warm,” you quipped, but it didn’t have much weight to it. The corner of Ellie’s mouth twitched up slightly, but her face remained neutral. 

“Do you want to come over?” 

You felt faint. You felt like crying. You felt like saying no. You felt like saying yes. But you couldn’t say anything, so you just nodded instead. 

Ellie gave you her jacket, after weak protest. It smelled like how your tent does on a warm summer night in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the stars and the peaceful whisper of wind through the trees—also like weed, and that amber aroma that seemed to be trapped in her pores. 

She didn’t say a single word to you, after that. Just walked, wordlessly beside you on the familiar path to her house. You tried to regulate your breathing, tried to push aside the questions that ran through your brain like, why is Ellie here, walking me to her house when she could be having dinner with Cat? And also, where is Cat? 

Ellie’s house smelled exactly as you remembered it, though, the scent was mildly soured when you suddenly remembered that Cat lived here, too. The warm air against your cold skin made you shiver slightly as you shrugged off Ellie’s coat in the entryway—of course, she was by your side in an instant, grabbing it from you before throwing it over the rack. It was still silent as the two of you kicked off your shoes, before Ellie turned to look at you. 

“Do you want to go upstairs?” You weren’t sure why she was asking you. You were already shoe-less, in her entryway. 

“Lead the way,” you found yourself saying. Just like the first time. 

Ellie’s room still smelled the same, too. Earthy and rich, dreamy and intoxicating. You felt high already. Your brain was spinning, your heart racing, your hands slightly shaky. Ellie sat down on the edge of her bed, leaving plenty of room for you—if you ever stopped hovering near the door. 

“You can sit, you know,” Ellie said after a moment, smiling softly at you. An invitation. You swallowed. What the fuck are you doing here? 

But then you were sitting, next to her, just this close to touching her leg with your own. You didn’t look at her. It felt like middle school. It felt exciting. It felt so fucking confusing. 

“So, I thought you were going to dinner with Cat. What happened?” Your mouth was moving before your brain could stop you, and Ellie practically flinched at your words. She regained herself quickly, though.

“Oh, I didn’t really want to go out. I’m just a little tired,” she said, pulling her legs up onto the bed and crossing them beneath her.

“If you’re tired then what am I doing here?” You asked. Her eyes widened a bit.

“Well, I mean- I’m not that tired, I just- didn’t want to go out anywhere, you know?” 

No, you didn’t really. 

“Yeah,” you said instead. She was getting harder to read by the second. You shrunk back a bit, drawing your legs up onto the bed and leaning against the headboard opposite of Ellie. The pause hung heavy, nearly tangible between your bodies.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, looking down at her lap. You watched a loose strand of hair fall into her face, and her nose scrunched up. You wanted to brush it away, to feel the warmth of her skin beneath your palm as you caressed her face—

“For what?” You asked, even though you kind of knew. 

“For Cat,” she said quietly. 

“What about her?” 

“She can be kind of…a lot.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” You asked, like you were entitled to that information. Like you’d hung out more than once. 

“No, she’s not.” Ellie was quick to deny, looking back up at you now. Her eyes sparkled in the soft yellow lamplight cascading upon her face. Your throat felt tight. You nodded, pulling your knees into your chest. 

“She used to be.” Ah, there it is. 

“And now she’s your…”

“Roommate.”

“Right.”

Just the other day, Ellie had said she knows all about toxic exes. You didn’t think that meant she literally lived with one. What are you doing here?

“She’s just my roommate, I swear,” she was insistent, leaning forward, trapping you in her gaze. You nodded again. You weren’t sure why she was repeating herself. You glanced at the clock behind her on her desk, which read 10:32pm.

“It’s getting late,” you said weakly, knowing fully well you’d be up until three am. Ellie’s face fell, just slightly. 

“You just got here,” she said, though she wasn’t being much of a great host. 

“You said you were tired.”

“Yeah, but I- well-” she stuttered, picking at her cuticles. 

“It’s okay,” you were saying, though you didn’t know why. It didn’t feel very okay. As soon as your feet hit the ground she was standing up as well, one hand awkwardly snaking into her back pocket as she took a deep breath. 

“I’ll walk you back to your dorm?” She offered. 

“It’s okay. I’ll have Dina meet me somewhere.” You won’t even text her. Ellie didn’t say anything, but she nodded, giving you a smile. 

It didn’t reach her eyes.

[gingersnaptaff]

Hello, it's me. I am back again to bore you all to utter DEATH.

Okay, so I was doing some reading in my lil book nook and I came across this poem:

(Sorry it's sideways. I hate it too.)

It's Ode Five by Hywel ab Owain Gwynedd (who is awesome in his own right. Might do a post about him if anybody would like it.) Anyways, there are two (2) things that jumped out straight off that I have highlighted:

1. The reference to Ogrfan Fawr who is Gwenhwyfar's dad. It's super interesting to me that it reads a bit like Hywel (or whoever is narrating the poem) uses Ogrfan to imply that he's being kept apart from his lover. (Presumably the fair - pls remember Gwen is another word for fair, or white, in Welsh - shy girl lady he mentions in the second line.)

Who's got fair in their name? Gwenhwyfar. "Okay, Sarah," I imagine you're saying. "Cool stuff. But what the fuck does this have to do with a twelfth-century poet dude and a fictional queen?"

Ah, okay. WELL. LEMME REFER U TO GARWY HIR:

He's the father of Indeg who is one of Arthur's mistresses, AND lover of Creirwy, daughter of Cerridwen. Now, I find the author's insinuation that the poem is specifically about Garwy Hir to be a bit of a stretch, because why tf is Ogrfan mentioned in the same breath as Garwy? They have little connection to each other in all honesty. (And I have never heard of Ogrfan, Garwy, being Cerridwen being connected.)

Well, there's a Very Prominent Lad who is connected to both of those ladies.

ARTHUR!!!!!

Husband to Gwenhwyfar, lover of Indeg. The dumbass boi himself. (Respectfully. He is just... look, a lot of Welsh sources are mixed about him. Gildas has Proper Beef with Arthur cuz he killed his brother. Also, this is the same man who called Maelgwn Gwynedd, 'a sodomitical grape.' So. He's not fuckin about.)

It sounds like - to me - this Ode could be perceived as a quest - much like his quest to Annwfn (Not outside of Hywel's subject matter. Man LOVED to intertwine war and love. Read his Gorhoffedd. You'll see what I mean.) - that's been forgotten about over the intervening centuries. One that Arthur went on to get Gwenhwyfar from her father's hall. Perhaps this is also - maybe - a far older version of the Gwenhwyfar/Guinevere and Melwas/Melegaunt myth, but idk. I cannot say for certain.

Now. You can think that this is all a bit tenuous. It very much is, I grant you. In 'The Arthur of the Welsh,' O.J. Padel suggests that Hywel is imagining himself as a suitor for Gwenhwyfar's hand (entirely fair. Right there with you, fella. I too would want to be a suitor for Gwenhwyfar.) But I think it makes a little more sense for the Ode to be Arthur.

Also, yes, I admit the reference to Gwenhwyfar is an indirect one, and I am running on 12 cups of coffee, and this didn't go anywhere, but still. It's FUN.

Now, go read about Hywel ab Owain Gwynedd, pls!!!!! His dad, Owain Gwynedd, gets compared to Cai, Cynyr, Gwalchmai, and Dillus in an elegy by Cynddelw, while his court at Gwynedd is seen to be like Arthur's at Celli Wig. (Cynddelw did a praise poem about Hywel too, which also contains lots of Arthurian references.)

[ineffectualdemon]

There is a genre type that is Odyssey type comedy stories and they are often stoner films

Examples:

- Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle (or Get the Munchies depending on your country)

- the OG Adventures in Babysitting. This isn't a stoner film but it is a comedy and fits

- I presume Dude, Where's my Car but I haven't seen it

What makes a story an Odyssey format is the Goal and main task of the story has to be seemingly straight forward and simple

- go home

- get some fast food

- pick up your friend

- etc

But instead of being able to just go and do it you get pulled into continuous and calamitous fuckery. It also, crucially, involves a journey of getting from point A to point B

And the task that should not have taken too long takes a ridiculously long time to achieve

So what I am proposing is a stoner film adaption of the Odyssey

[zedortoo]

Mr Stick headcanons before I sleep bc why not... below cut meows cutely (half of these were 'inspired' by Olympe's. Read: I straight up stole them)

He has to practice his sleazy new yorker salesman accent in front of the mirror every day so he doesn't slip up because then people will realize he's a DISGUSTING FRENCHIE

when he's overwhelmed or tired though he just starts cursing in french and people who have recently met him are confused because they thought he was American

He's got a CRAZYYY sweet tooth. It rivals the Noises at times but Stick generally had better self control... Most of the time. He'll still enjoy savory things but will go into withdrawal if he doesn't buy himself a little treat every day.

He really enjoys anything chocolate flavored but mint chocolate is his personal favorite because mint chocolate is fucking good fight me. He's actually a regular at Noisette's cafe and loves her specialty "chocolate milk with toothpaste" (mint chocolate milk is surprisingly good trust me dude)

Most people would presume he likes high end foods, but he's actually a very picky eater. He's afraid of eating shellfish and always triple checks his chicken to make sure it's not pink in the middle and asks for an outsider's input if he's not sure. He's even called up peppino on occasion to put him on video call to check if his dino nuggets are cooked right.

He's got a SUPER souped up flip phone. He loves how portable they are and he's somehow made it run smoothly on apple software. It's got all sorts of gadgets he's added to it, like a set of screwdrivers that pop out of it and a beam of white-hot light that shoots out of his camera and vaporizes anything in his path. Why does he need this? Who knows.

He's very aero- and aqua- dynamic. When he annoys peppino too much, peppino simply picks him up between thumb and forefinger and throws him like a paper dart.

That's all for now hope you enjoy and ummm give me one million dollars

[nintendoduo]

Playing the Super Nintendo's Forgotten Home-Made RPGs of the '90s (Part 3)

The Super Nintendo is home to classic role-playing games like Chrono Trigger by Square, Breath of Fire by Capcom, and Kitten Quest Part 2: Legends - Chapter 1 by a random, most likely underage internet person who had a Sailor Moon Geocities website in 1999. That last one is one of the many games made in the SNES version of RPG Maker 2 and posted to the internet in the late '90s, only a few of which survive, for better or worse. Here's our look at three more of those games, freshly excavated from the ruins of the old web.

Note: These games can be downloaded at archive.org or rmarchiv.de (or archive.org’s archived version of rmarchiv.de, if it goes offline again).

Note 2: Check out Part 1 and Part 2 of this historic article series (also readable on Dreamwidth, as is this one, if Tumblr is acting up or you just don't like it).

"Dragon Saga" by AegisKnight (05-25-1998)

Original description: A young knight sets out on a journey to save the world from the Dargonlord Phalanx.

If you're the type of gamer who likes standing in front of book shelves and pressing A, this game will be hugely rewarding to you (and only you). You play as an armor-wearing dude named Chris who owns a shelf containing books with titles like "HOW TO BECOME A KNIGHT" and "HOW TO SAVE THE WORLD." Chris sounds like a dork.

As soon as you step out of Chris' room, a royal messenger tells you the king wants to talk to you ASAP and gives you some cash to get you "ready" for the meeting. Is it the king's birthday? Are you supposed to buy him a present? You decide to buy nothing and pocket the money.

Note that if you stand by the exit to Chris' room for too long, you'll be accosted by a lady who says "I love books!" and then just stays there, blocking your way and trapping you in this small area of the game forever. Presumably she's waiting for Chris to starve to death so she can steal his dorky books. The only way to avoid this book-loving maniac is going back to the room and exiting as fast as possible.

But this game isn't just about books. No, it's also about magazines. To the left of this area, there's a series of shelves holding issues of mags like Nintendo Power, Electronic Gaming Monthly, Playboy (which the protagonist seems excited to see), and that '90s classic, This is Only the Beta Version, Full Soon to Come.

(Alas, no links to erotic fan fiction this time.)

Before departing for the king's castle, you can talk to the charming local children who live in this residential building/public library/weapons store. One wishes he could join your quest and tells you "your lucky," while another informs you that he has peed himself. This game has the most realistic little kid dialogue in all of gaming.

So, you travel to the castle, fighting the packs of bats that roam the countryside (and likely wetting your own pants at least a little bit, because "packs of bats roaming the countryside" sounds terrifying). At last, you enter the castle and head straight for the king. And by "straight" we mean "after checking all 14 book shelves in here." Unfortunately, they all have the same book, the poetically titled You Find Nothing.

As you explore the castle, you run across a guy in a robe who says he's an amateur magician and asks if you "want to see?" If you say yes, he flashes you. As in, he makes the screen flash.

(Can't guarantee that he didn't flash you anything else while the screen was all white, though.)

Another fun thing to do in the castle is touching the fire in the stove, which causes Chris to say "Ouch!" The level of realism in this game can be frightening sometimes. You can also talk to the guards, who, unlike in previous games, have different dialogue! Well, sort of.

Oh, and you can talk to the king too, we guess. He says he asked you to come here because you are "the one," "the legendary knight," and as such it's your job to "destroy the Dragonlord Phalanx." Most RPG protagonists would react to information like that by going "say whaaaaaaa." Chris is a bit more nonchalant about it.

(Strong "Elizabeth Holmes text messages" energy in this exchange.)

The king says that two of his servants will aid you in your quest to find and kill the Phalanx, whoever or whatever that is: Bryan the Knight and David the Wizard (it's pretty obvious that the dev based these characters on two IRL buddies of his, Knight and Wizard). To start the quest, the trio must climb a nearby tower populated by some bird people that the game hurtfully calls "Freaks" and some cat people called "Jorjes." It's nice to see some Hispanic representation.

At the top of the tower lives a dog person called Pagne, whose character arc can be summed up by the following screenshots:

After defeating Pagne, the heroes go back to the castle, where the king thanks them for their service but warns them that "there are many others to defeat" and "this is only the beginning."

That's right, this epic adventure is only starting, baby! Anyway, that's when the game ends.

According to Makerpendium.de, this game's creator went on to make four sequels for various other RPG Maker programs, but none appear to be preserved. All those joke book titles are now lost in time, like tears in rain. Or pee in wet pants.

"Xemorph: The Nine" by Xemorph Smorg (05-25-1998)

Original description: A man sets out to end the reign of a King and restore world peace & order.

Despite what the name might suggest, this one has nothing to do with alien creatures with phallic heads. This time, your mission is to go talk to the king... and kick his ass. But first, we start with an old man telling his grandson to go pick a book for him to read. After dismissing one book as "stupid" and another as "to boring," the illiterate kid settles on a book called Xemorph: The 9. Wait, is he gonna read a strategy guide for the game we're playing?

The grandfather says that this book is actually "a true story" that happened about 100 years ago, and starts reading. Like most great works of literature, this one starts with a guy standing in the middle of an empty field. If you make him go into a nearby town (this is "Choose Your Own Adventure" book), he can enter a nice inn where he's greeted by a guy who tells him to "Get lost!" and a woman who says "Nice to meet you!" and then yells "I am scared! Ahhh!" From this we can conclude that the book's main character is very, very ugly.

Near the inn is the best part of this game: the graveyard. Not only does it have the graves for real historical figures like Adolf Hitler (1854-1945, meaning he was 91 when he died), Newt "Gingridge" (1956-2013; neither date is correct), and Shigeru Miyamoto (1969-2053, also incorrect; Miyamoto will never die)...

...but also famous video game characters like Crash B. (1995-2010), S. Onic (1990-1996; that's right, Sonic's full name is "Sonic Onic"), A. Tari (1977-1984), and of course Mario (1985-2000, fated to die the day Luigi finally gets tired of his bullshit).

Disturbingly, sometimes you can see a ghoul roaming the graveyard, and if you're brave enough to talk to it... holy shit, it's-a him.

(We're assuming the kid who made this RPG 26 years ago was promptly sued by Nintendo and is still in prison.)

There are also some mysterious graves for people called "THE," "WEED," "HOLDS," "THE," and "ANSWER," which might provide a subtle clue about the inspiration behind these headstones. That, or they're related to the bush blocking one of the graves, but nothing seems to happen when you stand next to it and press every button.

You can also visit some of the houses in this town, where we find out that this game is even more realistic than the previous one, because if you touch the fire in the stove, you actually lose health. It is the duty of every conscientious RPG player to touch every fire in every game to see if this happens. Also in real life.

You also meet a town resident who tells you that "That castle in the desert is almost impossible to get into! Only 1 mans ever made it." Whoever that 1 mans is, he reportedly lives near the castle, but you're warned that "he is not that nice." Since no one has given you anything resembling a mission (or even a plot) so far, you go looking for that desert castle and that guy who knows how to enter it. After fighting some giant spiders and three-headed helldogs, you find Mr. "Not That Nice," who says he'll help you get into the castle... if you fight him first!!! We can see how he gets his reputation.

What follows is a battle for the ages. Your enemy's very first hit is a "critical" one, causing you to lose a whopping... 1 HP?! You lost five times that just from touching the fire.

As promised, the poorly socialized knight "transrports" you into the castle when defeated. He also tells you his name is Jorg and asks to join your squad, so we guess we're best friends now. Anyway, you're finally in the castle! Meaning: a small room with an empty throne and two pillars. There's no king to talk to. Unless... you're the king? Was this game secretly a metaphor for "finding yourself"?

If you go up to the pillars and start pressing buttons (because what else are you gonna do in here), you'll find out that each has a different effect: the left one makes the screen shake, somehow, and the right one transports you back to that town at the start. And that's it, you've officially ran out of things to do in this game, unless you wanna go around the map punching dogs and spiders for no reason.

This is, sadly, the last of the games archived in the legendary Fantasy Maker's Vault website from 1998. However, our friend Spatzenfärber at the RMArchiv & Makerpendium Discord managed to salvage two more SNES RPG Maker 2 from the old web. The first one is...

"Kitten Quest Part 2: Legends - Chapter 1" by S-Mercury (08-25-1999)

The developer's website didn't have much of a description for this one, but here's an excerpt from a contemporary review for Part 1: [T]here was actually no plot. Only a cat telling me (by the way this game is pretty strange since the main characters are cats even I was one) that I should go save some guy.

A SNES RPG where you play as a cat? That actually sounds fun! Unfortunately, this is Part 2, where you play as a dumb human. The game starts with your mom telling you "Today you become an adult!!" and kicking you not just out of the house, but out of the entire town.

That's the second game where your mom evicts you the moment you turn of age (after Ductarr: The Rise of Rebellion, covered in the previous article), which probably says something about the age of the people making these.

There's some sort of black hole in the corner of your room, and if you go near it, someone, it's unclear who, yells "AHHH!!!!!!!!!" Is your character gazing into the abyss and finding it gazes also into you? Do you have someone trapped down in that hole like in Silence of the Lambs? There are no good options here.

That's the entire family home, by the way: one big room with two beds in the center and a black screaming hole on the corner. Once you leave the building, you can never come back inside. Your mom changed the locks the second you were out of there, it seems.

Outside your (former) house is a long staircase leading to a portal, which transports you to the inside of an inn. Leaving the inn reveals that it's in a very small town with only one other building: some sort of narrow bar or restaurant with nothing but some chairs and tables and a knight who says "Welcome..." and nothing else. This game is starting to feel like a Lynchian nightmare.

There's another town nearby, also with only two buildings. At this point we recommend being careful and not thinking too hard about the non-Euclidean geometry governing these buildings (avoid questions like "Why is there a patch of grass on the ceiling there?" "What's going on with those windows?" "How do those angles make any sense?") or your brain will start leaking out through your nose.

(As a reminder, someone willingly put this game on the internet for others to play.)

One of the buildings is a shop with two identical shopkeepers who just say "SHOP1" and "SHOP2" at you but won't actually let you shop (rude), while the other appears to be some sort of boat rental service. The attendant there lets you take one of the boats on the pier outside, which means we can now explore the vast seas!

And they are vast... but, unfortunately, also completely empty except for some unpopulated islands and a blimp that produces garbled text if you try to interact with it.

And that's it for Kitten Quest Part 2: Legends - Chapter 1, which did not feature a single kitten, or even an adult cat. It should be illegal to name a video game Kitten Quest Part 2: Legends - Chapter 1 and not have any feline presence whatsoever, if you ask us. You were a disappointment, Kitten Quest Part 2: Legends - Chapter 1.

That leaves us with only one SNES RPG Maker 2 game to cover, which is... an actual finished game?! And good, too?!? At this point, we wouldn't blame you for being skeptical of that claim. Still, look out for the next and final part of this article series, which will be entirely devoted to that one mythical good SNES RPG Maker 2 game.

[datoneboardedguy]

Charmcaster x Male Reader Fanfiction (LEMON!)

(DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE BEN 10 IP OR ANY OF IT’S CHARACTERS!)

Third POV:

A few weeks after Charmcaster/Hope kicks out Darkstar she starts getting lonely again & gets an idea to use her magic to get a man from Earth at random to brainwash & seduce under her spell, she casts the spell to the magical arch door & it disappears to pick someone up.

M/R’s POV:

I’m clocking off of work just as the taller guy called Kevin I think? As he arrives to clock in for his shift he passive aggressively shoulder bumps me as we pass each other, I don’t usually pay much attention since I only ever see him in passing as I get off work. Along the way home I see plenty of students wandering around the neighbourhood coming & going, since I’m not paying attention I almost bumped into a red head student as she says “Whoa, watch out where you’re going.” I look forward & see she’s walking with a blonde girl in a wheelchair who I’d presume is her friend & say “Oh sorry, I wasn’t attention. Excuse me..” as I swiftly walked around the two & went on my merry way. I approached a back alleyway to take a quick shortcut to my street but as I reached the alleyway entrance a couple of teens came out from around the corner with a pair of Mr Smoothie drinks in hand & completely blindsided me, one was a Chinese girl in a pink hoodie & the other was dude in a green leather biker jacket & he spills his Smoothie’s all over my clothes & I say in frustration “AH SH$T!” Then my phone sparks & shorts out zapping my left hand making me drop it due to being soaked in smoothie liquid it then smashes into pieces upon impact with the footpath pavement ground. “MOTHERF%#KER!” The guy apologetically says “Sorry sorry for your clothes & your phone, I didn’t see you!”- “URGH JUST WATCH OUT WHERE YOU’RE GOING NEXT TIME!” I then hastily walk away to head home & get cleaned up & study.

Then as I’m about to get home a massive rift opens up right in front of me which turns into a huge stone arch double door, then a bunch of illuminated pink symbols appear on the top of the arch door before the door slowly starts to open up. Sucking me into the door like a vacuum i then fly through the door & I’m now suddenly falling through a pink void onto a floating stone pathway in the middle of nowhere. I look up at the door I feel through only then for the door to shuts & vanishes, then a castle appears right in front of me & the castle gate opens up revealing a smoking hot white haired woman around my wearing some kind of purple & black costume with a black tiara looking crown that kind of resembles a big black eyebrow for some reason you’d see straight out of D&D. Then she walks towards me with her seductive swaying hips while saying “Looks my man package has arrived, I’m Charmcaster. Welcome to my Realm, that’s right this is my realm..”- “What’s going on here? Where the heck am I & can I PLEASE go home now?!” “Oh my little bird, you’re not ever going home, because this is your home now!..” “Like hell it is!..” I then started running away from her trying to find a way out of here. “So you want to play hard to get huh? Very well. ..Run, run, run as fast as you can! But you’ll never escape me!”

After what seemed like hours of nonstop running in what seems like an endless void of pinkish nothingness I finally found a town on stone buildings but as I got closer to it I realised that it was completely abandoned, a ghost town. “Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me?!” Then I hear a voice behind me say “You can’t run from me sweetie, my realm as you can see ..is endless.” I turned around to face her as she proceeded to say “..& you’re never getting out.” She then starts casting her magic to try & snare me, run away before she finishes her spell into the abandoned ghost town. As I’m running through the empty streets I’m dodging nonstop attacks. Until I get cornered inside of a windowless stone building with a single door way in or out & she’s standing right in the middle of it. “There you are, now hold still sweetie.” She says as she tried to snare me again but I barely dodged it & now I’m literally backed up against a wall with nowhere else to go as she tries again to snare me she, succeeds in grabbing & tying my body up with her magic snare & is slowly pulling me towards her as she says seductively “Nice try handsome, but you can’t escape your destiny.” I’m now standing right in front of her as she proceeds to seductively whisper “Just give yourself into me..” then she puts both of her pink glowing hands to the sides of my face but not touching my face she then closes the distance between us & as our lips finally touch my mouth is immediately flooded with soo much energy my mind immediately goes numb with lust for Charmcaster & I now can’t stop wanting to rip her clothes off & just sexually devoure her slim well toned muscular body & I immediately get a throbbing hard erection, her hands touch my face suddenly Charmcaster warps us both into her supposed bedroom.

We now proceed to passionately deepen our make out session as she magically warps both of our clothes off of us, she then pushes onto her bed. I momentarily regain my senses but I can’t move as Charmcaster seductively crawls onto the bed & crawls on top of me as she seductively whispers into my left ear “You’re mine now M/R..” then she grabs my face & starts deeply passionately making out with me & my mind immediately goes back to blind lust & thirst for her & we started pulling each other close as she inserts my precum leaking member into her folds & we started aggressively making love & thrusting into each other like rapid animals as she’s moaning into my mouth as we’re making out & suddenly pushes my face into her breasts & on impulse I started sucking & devouring her rack making her loudly moan even more. I feel her hands gripping the hairs at the back of my head the more I’m sexually devouring her breasts, I then start to kiss & lick my way up to neck & up to her face to resume our make out session, she moans into it as she starts using her magic to cover my body in her mind controlling runes, every second she traces her fingertips along my body sends endless amounts of ecstasy filled shivers down my spine as she ironically speaks in tongues into our deep kisses & as she finishes tracing her magical fingers over my entire body I feel my climax approaching & I think I can somehow sense hers as well, with every thrust both of her & my moans start to eco louder inside my head & as we finally climax our collective moans filled the bedroom & all of the halls of her castle walls.

As we finally finished she grabbed my face & gave me one last deep passionate kiss as I feel it, her runes start glowing & my body started turning into stone. Her eyes opened up to reveal her beautiful glowing eyes & my eyes started glowing as well as i sink into her beautiful gaze & suddenly I’m no more.. & my master Charmcaster seductively says “Welcome to the family my new lovely thrall!..”

The End!..

[beardedmrbean]

[Huey Zoomer anon]

Okay I keep seeing this from modern fantasy writers with Rings of Power

Modern fantasy writers and their fans: Fantasy lack diversity!

Me: okay i understand when it comes to fantasy most western think of lord of the rings and other European stuff. But when in the crimson FUCK you were force to SOLELY use those European settings?!

Also someone pointed out that when it comes to games like Forspoken “diversity” they point out the issues of CULTURAL EXCHANGE when it comes to non white characters

Probably because the writers don’t look up or don’t understand it…or presume the trendy 2nd to 4th generation SJWs non whites known everything about their heritage….

Like I pointed out how Assassin Creed used historical trade routes to their advantage or most famous is them using the polo brothers travels to the east to set up the Italy renaissance games

I rant on forspoken a lot because it came from a cancelled sequel for Final Fantasy 15 and use the same engine

Wanna guess how I feel seeing the lane af shit in Forspoken which was supposed to be “next gen” vs the cool shit I did in FF15 that I own a physical copy since I was 16? 🥴

Also you can solely introduce Afro Mythos ti western audiences, get them familiar with it. And than do bigger projects

Long term gain is how Henry ford, Firestone, Thomas Edison, Steve Jobs, and historical figures made us their sheep even in death

ALSO FUCKING USE FANTASY MIX WITH STEAMPUNK FOR BLACK AMERICANS INSPIRED CHARACTERS- oh right they hate capitalism and don’t understand that black Americans, and Americans in general, are a new breed of humans history haven’t seen before at such a large scale

“PRAISE THE CHIMERAS, AS THEY ARE THE UNHOLY UNION OF COUNTLESS ROOTS!”

You says I might disappear for 8 weeks straight as soon as shadows get into my hands. I would but I need money!

Ugh, how did these writers work on so big projects?

Me: okay i understand when it comes to fantasy most western think of lord of the rings and other European stuff. But when in the crimson FUCK you were force to SOLELY use those European settings?!

I'd love to see some Nigerian folktale get turned into a movie or series and force in some Koreans in the name of diversity™ and see how that goes over, probably not well since it's supposed to only be European folktales.

Also someone pointed out that when it comes to games like Forspoken “diversity” they point out the issues of CULTURAL EXCHANGE when it comes to non white characters

Again that only works if it's not a story that's European in origin, like it looks like you're saying.

Probably because the writers don’t look up or don’t understand it…or presume the trendy 2nd to 4th generation SJWs non whites known everything about their heritage….

Most of us know we're mutts, or I'd hope we do at least. Genetics=/=culture, white baby that is the only survivor of a plane crash in Chad and is adopted by one of the local families, grows up knowing only that culture and what not is going to be more African than a 5th generation black American dude in Harlem.

Wanna guess how I feel seeing the lane af shit in Forspoken which was supposed to be “next gen” vs the cool shit I did in FF15 that I own a physical copy since I was 16? 🥴

I imagine that's common for lots of people.

Also you can solely introduce Afro Mythos ti western audiences, get them familiar with it. And than do bigger projects

I would enjoy that so long as I don't have to put up with people telling me "It's not for you" because then I will just not interact with it thus denying it my money, since if it's not for me why do I care.

ALSO FUCKING USE FANTASY MIX WITH STEAMPUNK FOR BLACK AMERICANS INSPIRED CHARACTERS- oh right they hate capitalism and don’t understand that black Americans, and Americans in general, are a new breed of humans history haven’t seen before at such a large scale

See previous "mutt" comments

“PRAISE THE CHIMERAS, AS THEY ARE THE UNHOLY UNION OF COUNTLESS ROOTS!”

Amen

You says I might disappear for 8 weeks straight as soon as shadows get into my hands. I would but I need money!

Still working, just not on here so much was what I was getting at, free time will be taken up with playing Shadows and soaking all of it in.

Ugh, how did these writers work on so big projects?

For Stephen King it was copious amounts of cocaine, at least after he was established.

Getting yourself established is the issue, used to be you had someone that was rich as a patron, those are few and far between now but Pateron does exist so they can try and get covered by lots of people, which seems to work for some folks.

Which I'm glad about that, oddly that was one of the original reasons for onlyfans to exist, pateron alternative, people found out they were porn friendly tho so it went the way it's going now.

[josieblueart]

Day 2-Flesh

Fun fact! The poor dude that gets Nothing There’d is named after a character from Sinclair’s literary source, Demian!

~🫁~

Come to the old L-Corp branch in Calw for our meeting. Don’t be late~

~The One who Grips

That was the letter that was delivered to Alfon’s door this morning. No explanation, no meeting time, nothing. Had he even scheduled an appointment or something?

Nevertheless, he couldn’t bear to think of what would happen if he was late.

It took some time to figure out how to get into the facility, but even once he got in, he had no idea where she was. The more he wandered, the more uncomfortable he became. Various torture devices, presumably used on heretics, were scattered around the area. Strangely, the smell of blood was more overwhelming than metal or oil.

Finally, he came across a doorway. Instinctively, he knew that this was where she wanted to meet him. A shadow in the corner of his eye swiftly moved, though he was unsure if he had actually seen something.

He was about to knock when a sound caught his attention, making him hesitate. It sounded like a low growl, as if a wild animal had snuck into the facility.

Finally, Alfon knocked on the door, to which it was quickly opened.

“Alfon!~ I’m glad you made it!”

She seemed so cheery, not what he was expecting from The One who Grips. “I’m honored to be called upon, O One who Grips.” He said, trying to hide his slight anxiety. In response, she laughed. “Oh please, just call me Kromer. Now come in here.”

As he followed the woman, he couldn’t help but wish he was back at his room drunk off his ass, with how unsettling the facility was. “I’ve been testing the EGO equipment left over from this old place.” She paused for a moment, turning to him. “You do know what I mean by EGO, right?”

His mind scrambled for a quick response that didn’t seem stupid. “Yes! Of course! Ever since L-Corp fell, its technology was made public by The Head.” She smiled at him, before continuing.

“Good, that will make things go by quicker.”

He watched Kromer approach a nearby chest, digging in it for a while. Finally, she procured a set of armor, resembling the standard inquisitor outfit. The only difference was that the right arm piece was colored red. “I’ve been able to infuse the original EGO with the inquisitor uniforms, just so it fits in better.”

He didn’t get time to question her priorities before it was shoved into his hands. “Put it on.” She ordered. Alfon was quick to obey, hurriedly equipping the armor. After it was fully equipped, a strange feeling of comfort washed upon them.

Then, without warning, the comfort was replaced with a horrible tightness. As he fell to his knees, Kromer started to speak to him once more. “You feel it, don’t you? There’s a reason why I chose you.”

Something was slowly attaching itself to his skin, making his skin crawl. Just as he wished for it to go away, however, it retracted. “Even if it’s a diluted version of the original, there are still requirements that you must meet, so that you won’t be taken over.”

The more he continued to resist, the harder it became to stay in a steady mind. All the while, she continued to speak. “Nagel und Hammer values the flesh more than anything, and this EGO…” She laughed, a sound that grated his ears. “Oh…it’s wonderful, and now, you’ll get to experience its gift.”

She crouched down, a horrible smile painted across her face. His mind continued to become clouded. As he looked down at his arm, his blood ran cold.

It was covered in a red mess, covering every last inch. Spikes had protruded from the skin, and holes started to open, either revealing an eye or a mouth. The growth had already started to spread beyond his shoulder, and onto his face.

It was nearly impossible to think straight. Kromer continued to speak about humans and the body and whatever, it had become white noise at this point. One sentence had pierced through the static in his mind.

“Just give in already.”

For a moment, he stopped his resistance. He was nothing but a tool for her crusade, why should he be resisting? Everyone else did so, it was only natural, right? All his time, he devoted himself to following her orders, after all, it was the closest thing he had to home. But for something like this? It was insane!

Alfon, in his conflicted mind, had let down his guard, and in turn, his body was taken over.

By the end, he was simply a beast of flesh. His right arm transformed into a blade covered in spikes, eyes, and mouths. The right half of his face was covered in the growth as well, the eye becoming useless. Kromer laughed at the sight. “That’s better. Now come along, I have a place for you to rest.”

Without hesitation, the humanoid followed. He was nothing of his prior self, yet everything of what an inquisitor should be in Kromer’s eyes. The purest example of what she wished for.

[mirqmarq428]

Mir reviews:

Anchorman: the legend of Ron Burgundy

This is one of those movies that your dad shows you when you're 15 and he remembers it as good manly fun but you feel icky sitting thru it and feel bad for laughing at its jokes, then mostly forget about the bad parts when 5 years later you notice that it's free with your cracked youtube app. Just me? No. According to youtube, it's somehow rated PG-13. Different times, man.

Tl;dr: this one is worse than you remember. 4/10

le Plot:

Will Ferrell plays the titular protag-kun, a popular local news anchorman. His news team is a deeply closeted gay cowboy, this mostly reasonable cologne fanatic, and an autist whose IQ is canonically 43.

The actual protagonist of the film is burgundy's "love" "interest" whose name I forgot already since her name isn't on the poster. Her dream is to anchor on national news, and she will have to stand up to institutional sexism, personal misogyny, and casual sexual harassment at every turn.

She is hired on, the boys all make moves on her, she fights them back brilliantly. Ron doesn't just want her body, he "loves" her (meaning, he wants sex but would like to be all romantic about it). Through a fair amount of bullshittery mixed with some genuine chemistry, they hit it off and make out. This is shown thru a short interpretive montage of them riding white unicorns thru heaven over rainbow pathways.

Despite promising to keep their relationship private at work, our "hero" immediately brags to the guys and tries to explain how it feels to be in love.

One day disaster strikes as burgundy is late to work due to being a oblivious pretentious asshole (he throws a burrito out his window while driving and makes the motorcyclist next to him crash, then the biker throws his dog off a bridge as punishment). Despite the men's reservations, our hero fills in for her boyfriend and delivers the news. She's great and everybody loves her. Then Ron barges in and is horrified that a _woman_ (gasp) would take his job. They shout about their misunderstandings for a while.

Despite continuing to work together, their relationship worsens further. Eventually they physically fight, and he is fired and sinks into an alcoholic depression.

End of the movie. Time to shake things up. A panda at the zoo is giving birth, this is the biggest thing to ever happen and must be reported upon. She goes looking for the perfect angle, but a random evil reporter dude knocks her into the pen of Kodiak Bears. They can't find her so end up calling Ron. He glows up quick, gets the band back together, marches down to the zoo, find the girl in with the barely-sleeping bears, and jumps in like a dumbass. His dog returns from presumed watery demise and talks the bear down (dogs and bears share a language in this world ig). They get lifted out and he lets her report on the panda birth. The. Fucking. End. Carry on Wayward Son plays over way-too-short credits (there are lots of cameos I think weird als in this one but I can't find his name on well).

le Review:

4/10 do straight men really?

I liked: her arc. 43 IQ bro was a good guy. The vibe is mostly goofy and whimsical.

The male gaze here is overpoweringly putrid. Burgundy isn't the worst, but he's still pretty bad. There's a point early on when she points out to him that he has a very visible erection in the middle of the office and he hasn't even the sense to be embarrassed.

I guess his arc is accepting that women can be equals in the workplace even if they're sex objects.

I guess her arc is accepting that she can be in love with him _and_ achieve her dream.

"toxic masculinity" is not strong enough to describe this filum. This is Nuclear Masculinity, the all-poisoning radioactive cumstain of Gilgamesh himself (but even less gay somehow).

The ending is reductively egalitarian, to the point of advocating pure tokenism. Yeah this one woman is really good at her job so let's make her a public figure to feel better about ourselves. We care.

Ugh.

[eofaquitaine]

what’s so funny to me is that almost all of the things conservative “men’s men” chase are inherently rooted in homosexuality.

STEM? Yeah so the guy who invented the computers is Gay. the dude who discovered Calculus was probably gay or asexual. All of backbones of mathematics from ancient greece were discovered and named for gay/bisexual dudes. Doctors owe a lot to famous twinks Da Vinci and Hart and to a lesser extent the queer Florence Nightengale and Sara Baker.

Thinkers? Cos you know straight men are so smart or whatever? Please. I hate to bring up the Greek guys again but cmon Aristotle, Plato, Sophocles? Voltaire King of the Enlightenment (allegedly)? all swung with their bros. Modern Western Philosophy can be attributed to the bisexual Ludwig Wittgenstein.

“Masculine Dress” Historically is dressing like a dude that these type of twitter guys would call a slur.

The Glory of War? Englands most famous Crusading kings (Richard Lionheart for example) were gay. Alexander the great, Julius Caesar and other classical generals/kings were gay/bisexual. Frederick the Great one of the most celebrated war figures in western history? gay as hell. If we assume these Dudes aren’t racist it opens up so many more like the Emperors of China particularly during the Han Dynasty, aka one of China’s greatest dynastical periods and a time of its empire growing, who were so gay that this period of chinese history is synonymous in some circles as being the great bisexual period of china. Sparta, which these guys love to flaunt, was famous for their female army division which frequently had female orgies (and ofc because it's greek the guys were doing it too!)

Their obsession with World War II? don’t even get me started. Alan Turing won that war and then was convicted of homosexuality. Margaret Chung who took care, healed, and rehabilitated over 2,000 US soldiers becoming one of the most influential members in the US Army was a well known lesbian. Nadine Hwang was a queer spy for the French. Hans Scholl who was a founding member of the white rose resistance in Nazi Germany was gay as well.

Influence over arts and culture? Again Mostly queer driven. Sappho of Lesbos pretty much invented musical theater. Michelangelo and other Renaissance artists were insanely gay so much so that being from italy was synonymous with liking dick. Turn of the century artists like JC Leyendecker or Louise Breslau helped contribute to the rise of consumerism and modernism. Being a theater kid is equivalent with being “gay” now but they seem to forget that theater was literally the original form of media through traveling bards, amphitheaters, storytellers etc making it older than books and definitely movies. Speaking of which a lot of celebrated authors were also famously gay! Like Shakespeare, Virginia Woolf, J. M. Barry, Hans Christian Anderson, etc. Actors and Musicians? Forget it that’s mostly gay are you kidding me? If you want go look up Actors who died of aids, there’s a lot of them. If you think we are in a “gay pop golden age” you clearly haven’t been listening for the past ~3000 years.

Freedom Fighters. They are obsessed with free speech aren’t they? Well let’s look at some queer activists/revolutionaries who actually walked the walk when it comes to freedoms that these dickheads probably enjoy! : Alexander Hamilton baby. Deborah Sampson, Jane Addams, Thomas Hall, John Laurens, Angelina Grimké, Maximilien Robespierre, Camille Desmoulins, Louis Antoine Saint-Just, Christopher Isherwood, Ludwig Wittgenstein. you can go ahead and thank them for your right to vote btw.

THIS IS ALL JUST WESTERN CULTURE. go ahead and triple this for all the innovated and influential queer people that went unmentioned and importantly in other cultures who made huge advancements as well (tho for the purpose of this post i’m focused on refuting the presumably racist people who believe that western glory is the peak of heterosexual masculinity)

so yeah to these illiterate idiots you’re welcome because yall couldn’t survive with even half the things that queer people have contributed to this world. (And for icing on top that documentary was a about a gay man, the language english in the tweet was half made up by a bisexual and he is typing it out on a device that originated from a gay man’s mind) 😘

Tell me you know nothing about history without telling me you know nothing about history