#irls please scroll for the love of god
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ellabbear · 11 months ago
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screaming into the void for a sec
i want to be heard, but not by anyone i know irl, so i thought i'd post this here. if you don't want to read a vent post then please scroll past now.
i can sense that every new person i meet finds me weird and off-putting. they can tell i'm autistic, they just don't consciously know it's autism. i don't think any of my friends from school like me or care about me at all anymore, but i also don't think i have a chance in hell of making new ones. the only person other than my boyfriend that i've actually hung out with in the past month (at least) has been my boyfriend's best friend because the three of us play minecraft together. my boyfriend and i are long distance though, so we can't hang out in person without flights and hotels, which we won't be doing again until january because of christmas/new year prices. i don't know how to initiate conversations, socialise with people, or meet anyone even remotely close to my age.
monday to friday i spend all of my daylight hours at work behind a screen, performing my best customer service voice and being treated like i'm worthless by probably around a third of the people i'm being paid to help. all but one of my coworkers are people who i cannot socially go beyond a polite water-cooler conversation with, and the one who i'm slightly closer to i have a big enough age gap with that it'd be considered weird if we hung out (not that they'd even want to). i met someone i could've been friends with at work, and i tried my best, but she left to work a different job and we had little to no conversation via instagram dms so that's a dead end now too.
i can't drive yet and i feel like i've hardly improved with the lessons i have had, but they cost so much money and are so stressful and anxiety inducing that i just want to give up. not being able to drive really limits me in what i can do because of where i live though.
i just feel like a complete failure, like i'm wasting my life and going nowhere. i'm so alone, and i will be until january when my boyfriend can visit for one long weekend again.
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jikigo · 6 months ago
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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slimeylee · 8 months ago
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why have these last years fucking sucked ass
#slimey-vents#trigger warning below hi did you drink water today and eat something i hope u did ur so cool and amazing pls get some rest gives u a cookie#please scroll past if uninterested i also dont want u to feel obligated like u have to read n listen to me vent and ramble on abt dumb shit#like 2020 - 2024 . have just been ass .#we're not even halfway into 2024 and it already is just#garbage . like its fucking horrible#i dont see how this year could get . any worse ?? but i wouldnt want to get my hopes up on that itll get better ?#like god what has been happening .#covid came up technoblade got cancer and passed away israel's continuing their mass genocide#and a lot of things have happened in my personal life . such as my mother passing away .#and . its just been so fucking hard ??#i wish i had lasting hope in humanity . but tbh i dont think its ever gonna get any better and that really fucks w me#ive been having suicidal thoughts and ive just been in a very shitty mental state recently#like social media#is honestly the only thing i have to live on#i have honestly boring friends n all my friends dont go to my school . my gf doesnt even go to my school#ive had to switch schools after having a fun time and doing a lot better . the only thing that im holding on by a thread to is social media#all my friends . my fandoms . etc . i talk to through my phone and through here#im so glad to have met everybody that i have on here#im sorry this is getting really long ive started going on a ramble but i just want everyone to know that i love yall /p#i appreciate everybody so much . all my moots and my close friends that ive made not only here but irl as well#and everybody that ive talked to throughout the time we've known each other . i really just want to think that everything will get better#everybody that ive met through my years of social media and school have really changed my life . and idk what i wouldve done#having never met any of them . especially my moots on here that ive grown close to#its just been stressful . but ive strived to get through it all . despite how hard it is#and how desperately i just want to let go from everything#but ending one thing doesnt end any pain it just gives it on to someone else#and i know that im way too pussy to end anything anyways .#but on another note .#please remember that you are amazing . talented . strong . and i appreciate and ily so much . /p
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hauntingofhouses · 10 months ago
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going on twitter for like 2 seconds and accidentally seeing shit outside your handful of curated accounts is soooo wild. like guys we are too old to be getting into heated debates over shipping. the only type of heated we should be getting is horny. shipping is fun and self indulgent it is not a culture war sit tf down!!!!!
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nachojaehyun · 6 months ago
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you give good love
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pairing. brother’s best friend! idol! dino + fem! reader
summary. as lee chan’s eyes met yours again, he could feel his consciousness slipping away from his soul. god damn, he thought to himself. when did this brat get so hot?
w.c. 5.10K
playlist. kind of based off of you give good love by whitney houston but not really i was just listening to it while writing this
warnings. [PLEASE READ] reader is hoshi’s sister, mentions of freak dino 🫢, smut under the cut, PWP, afab reader, dom/sub dynamics, dom chan, pussy eating from the BACK, uses of pet names, chan has a BIG dick, BULGE KINK, very little dirty talking, slight overstimulation, unprotected sex (don’t do this irl please), creampie duh — 18+ MINORS DNI!
note. pi-cheollin is the reason i live and breathe. also i might write chunsunie x pi-cheollin fics soon 😭 also thank you guys so so so much for 2K notes on the wonwoo fic 🙇‍♀️ super grateful for all your love, more soon. this is also my first ever long fic, so i hope you like it. enjoy!
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“so yeah, those are the dates and timings of the flight. now, check your schedule.”
soonyoung could hear the ruffling of paper as he waited on the phone. the air con blasted in his face, evaporating any signs of sweat from his pores.
“yeah, i think i’ll be able to make it!” your voice chirped. soonyoung couldn’t help the smile on his face. “thank god! also, don’t worry about being lonely, jeonghan hyung’s sister will also be there, and also wonwoo’s sister.”
“i haven’t seen them in so long! wow, a true trip down memory lane,” you sighed, finally setting aside the calendar on your lap. “they ask about you a lot, i told you to exchange contacts with them!” your brother scolded you.
“i may have forgotten… but all that aside, how much do i need to pack?” you nervously bit your lip, contemplating how much shopping you would need to do.
“it’s a summer trip for one week, basically a mini vacation. pack a good amount of shirts and tops and modest shorts. bring your grandma style swimsuits for the pool.”
“grandma style swimsuit? oh please! i didn’t work out all winter to wear a one-piece!” you complained, flexing your biceps in front of the mirror. “i’ll bring what i want to bring.”
“and if i see any of these perverts staring at you, i’ll chop your head off too, yeah?” soonyoung sighed. “yeah yeah, they are the perverts. and you’re the polished lamb of jesus who has never gawked at wonwoo’s sister right?”
your rhetorical question has your brother stunned as he gapes into the abyss, his mouth filling up with the cool air from the air con. “i’m… how did you—” he begins, only to be cut off by the doorbell of his shared apartment.
“that’s the others. look, i’ll leave now, but make sure to pack properly, okay? text me if you need anything. see you soon.”
with that, he hung up. you smiled as you set down your phone, already deciding the outfits in your head.
as you walked over to your closet, your phone interrupted your thought process with a loud notification.
이찬: oi
이찬: did you get the plane tickets?
with a sigh, you texted back your brother’s best friend, who had somehow managed to find out about soonyoung inviting you.
you: ya, i will be coming.
you could see the dots bouncing on the screen, but you chose to ignore them. switching over to a music app, you started to scroll through and pick your random playlist.
your brother’s song, God of Music started to play and you threw your phone on the bed, enjoying the music.
you could text chan back later. he was really annoying, and it’s not like he meant anything to you anyway.
your phone buzzed with his notifications as you sorted through swim suits. “hmm, this makes my ass look fat right?”
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as you landed in the jeju international airport, you gathered your luggage and made your way to the gates.
your brother was already waiting outside, clad in a mask and a cap. wonwoo and his sister accompanied him, smiling and waving at you.
“hey guys!” you hugged them, before fixing the crop top that rode up your waist. “i missed you so much!” minji (wonwoo’s sister) squealed.
the four of you got in the car after shoving your luggage in the back. wonwoo sat next to your brother, scrolling through his phone as you and minji chatted their ears off.
soonyoung couldn’t help but peek at the rear view mirror ever so often, catching glances of minji and smiling to himself.
you wanted to call him out, but decided against embarrassing your brother so early into the trip.
within 30 minutes, you had reached the share house. it was a beautiful property, surrounded by greenery. the sounds of waves crashing on the beach wallowed around you as you dragged your suitcase up the ramp.
“eunsok is dying to meet you! we must make a group chat this time, so that we remember to check up on each other, yeah?” minji helped you with your handbag, smiling as you nodded enthusiastically.
in front of the main door, you took in a sharp breath, before pushing the mahogany portico open.
immediately inside, you were greeted by jeonghan, joshua and mingyu lounging about on the couch. however, upon the sound of your entrance, eunseok ran down the stairs, engulfing both you and minji in a bone-crushing hug.
“i missed you!” she screamed, nearly tackling you on the floor. with a giggle, you hugged her back. “me too! its just sad that sophie couldn’t join us.”
muttering agreements under their giggly breath, the two helped you get up, and greet the others.
as you answered jeonghan’s questions about your well-being, you heard heavy footsteps from the stairs.
lee chan’s body appeared downstairs. when his gaze countered yours, you choked on your words.
it had been nearly 5 years since you had seen him in person. and wow, had he changed. dino, as he was famously known as these days, sported much bigger muscles, and a sculpted face. his hairstyle was finally suiting his face, a beautiful contrast to the bowl cuts you had seen him in during childhood.
for the first time in your life, you actually looked at him. and boy, did he look good. the tank top he wore showed off his body as he walked towards you, checking you out silently.
he had to admit, you surprised him. your black crop top, barely there jean shorts, and long brown hair came as a huge shock to chan.
he had remembered you as the snot-faced bratty sister of his best friend. the girl in pigtails who would cry every time he brought up your crush in middle school.
as lee chan’s eyes met yours, he could feel his consciousness slipping away from his soul. god damn, he thought to himself. when did this brat get so hot?
“hi,” chan finally placed himself in front of you, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. “hi,” you breathed out, clutching the handle of your suitcase tighter.
“oh, you guys are meeting after so long!” mingyu chuckled, his eyes wandering around the room as he noticed the tension between you and his youngest member.
“yeah,” you smiled, transfixed by chan’s eyes. his plush lips parted as he glanced at your glossy ones, before quickly scanning your face.
“okay, that’s enough of your weird staring contest,” soonyoung placed a hand on chan’s chest, pushing him back to create some distance between you two.
“i’ll help you get to your room,” he turned to you. “you’re lucky, since you get it to yourself, but its comparatively smaller and narrower than the others—”
“wait, weren’t we supposed to buy alcohol and meat from the store on the way back?” wonwoo suddenly remembered, making all the eyes in the room turn to him.
“shit!” minji slapped her forehead, tutting. “we’ll go get them then! you wanna come with?” she smiled at you, eunseok joining in.
“i think i should set up my things first yeah? but take soonyoung in my place,” you shoved your brother forward. “he’d love to go grocery shopping with you.”
minji’s cheeks flared up as she straightened her posture, nodding. “sure yeah.”
within minutes, wonwoo, minji, eunseok, soonyoung and mingyu headed off to the car, ready to buy crates of beer for the evening.
as the door shut behind him, jeonghan threaded his hands through his hair, smirking. “dino-yah,” he cooed. “why don’t you help her with her luggage?”
almost immediately, joshua joined in, egging on the maknae as both of you felt the heat creep up on your neck.
wordlessly, chan snatched your suitcase from your hand, beckoning you upstairs. you bowed at the two elder to you, before running up to chan.
he led you to a small room in the very corner of the second floor, opening the door with his leg as he walked in.
chan cleared his throat as you walked in, placing your hands on your bare waist. “so, this is your room.”
you nodded at him, taking in your space for the rest of the trip. the room was furnished with a queen sized bed, a love-seat in the corner, a small desk and chair and a balcony in the very end.
“this door,” chan walked over to a door that sat perpendicular to the entry. “this is the door to a common bathroom. its a jack and jill one, that connects to the room opposite to you.”
“oh? and who’s in the room opposite to me?” you questioned, raising your eyebrow. with a dramatic sigh, chan leaned against the bathroom door, swinging his head to meet your eyes.
“its me.”
your breath hitched as he gulped. “w-wow,” you stuttered out. “sounds great, chan. looks like we are forced together again,” you smirked, crossing your arms as you stared at him.
he knew what you were referring to.
back when you were kids, and way before the idiot in front of you had signed with Pledis, you and soonyoung had gone to his house for a sleepover. chan’s mother had insisted on having you sleep on the bed, since “the floor is no place for a lady to sleep.” you and chan shared the bed, while soonyoung dozed off on the ground.
you were 14 at that time, and you remember how you skin had heated up when chan inched closer to you. “there’s no one to save you from my tickles now, crybaby!” the 15 year old boy had threatened.
yet, chan could barely focus on the flashback, instead focusing on the way your breasts nearly fell out from the neckline of your top.
you noticed his staring. smirking, you drew closer, tightening the cross of your arms.
“what’s this now, you’re ogling at me?”
you had him cornered. chan’s back was against the wall at you forced yourself into his space, breasts touching his hard torso.
“i—in you dreams!” he lied through his teeth, nervousness oozing out of his soul as he stared down at your tits.
god, the things he would do to slot his dick between those beautiful, gorgeous, one of a kind—
“my eyes are up here, channie,” you stuck your tongue out at him, before backing away and walking up to your suitcase.
dino felt his blood rushing south as you bent over to pick your bag up and place it on the table.
you purposefully wiggled your ass, humming to yourself. “channie,” you called out, voice as sweet as a siren.
“yeah?” dino collected himself, shaking away the filth that plagued his mind. two can play that game, he decided, biting his lip.
“can you come help me put my things in the bathroom? i have too much to unpack.”
with a nod, he walked over to your space, his chest touching your back as he leaned over your shoulder. “why did you pack so much, hm?” he teased you, running his fingers down your smooth arms.
not backing down from the challenge, you pushed your ass against him, whipping your head to meet his eyes. “i just wanted to look good, y’know? in case there was a strong, buff, hot man i wanted to seduce.”
with a hiss at your movements, chan’s hands flew to your hips. “yeah? you’ve grown up so much that you seduce men now?”
“oh, i do a lot more than just seduce,” you giggled, skincare long forgotten on the desk as you turned around, hopping on the wooden platform as your arms loosely slung around his neck.
chan slotted his knee between your legs, the pervert in him alive and breathing at the sight of you. you were driving him insane.
how you had managed to change so much over a few years had him baffled. instead of worrying about soonyoung, chan thought with his dick.
“what do you do then?” he questioned, eyes trained on your lips as you spoke. you pushed your clothed cunt down on his knee, biting back a moan.
“i think i would rather show you what i do than tell you,” you whimpered out, darkened eyes peering into his hazy ones.
chan bent his knee further into you, causing a delicious moan to escape your throat. “getting bold now, aren’t you?”
before you could even comprehend his words, your pussy spoke before you, hips rutting into his knee. however, a sharp knock on the door interrupted your little hump session.
“chan? y/n?” seungcheol’s voice spoke from behind the door. “you guys in there?”
chan quickly separated from you, walking closer to the door to answer. “yeah, i’m just helping her with her stuff. what’s up?”
“well, we were ordering some take out, so if you guys could come down and give your preferences, it would be great.”
“yeah, be there in a second,” chan glanced back at you, your teary eyes meeting his. the fucked out expression on your face made his dick jump to life.
but the heat of the moment had passed, which painted both of your cheek's a deep shade of red. realization hit dino way faster than it hit you. shooting you a tight-lipped smile, he shoved his hands in the pockets of his shorts.
with a sigh, chan left the room and left you breathless, panting as your senses slowly returned. the fire of lust in your stomach had dimmed slightly, as realization dawned on you.
what the fuck just happened? and why did you like it?
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nightfall arrived faster than you expected. but the cool air surrounding the beach raised bumps on your skin as you shoved grilled meat down your throat.
seungkwan and mingyu worked on the grill, with vernon filling up everyone’s plates with the expensive store bought items.
you sat on a stool next to seungcheol, sipping on the beer can that was handed to you. when everyone was busy with their own thing, the leader turned to you and smiled.
“so, how have you been? a long time has passed since we spoke right?”
you had always found comfort in seungcheol. he was the leader of the group, a very reliable and trustworthy person. you remember asking him for advice when you got into college.
“i’ve been well, how are you?” you set your can aside. “any luck with the ladies you used to complain about?”
he laughs loudly at that, spooning a mouthful of ramen. “no, i’m still stuck with one-night stands for now. dating is too complicated!”
when chan hears his hyung talking about his love life, he scoots closer to the both of you, shamelessly eavesdropping.
“what about you? get any action?” seungcheol giggled.
you could practically feel dino’s presence beside you like a wavering shadow, and you chose to exploit it. how dare he leave you with an unfinished orgasm?
“oh yeah, plenty!” you smirked. “don’t tell soonyoung, but i’m lowkey addicted to sex? just feels so good to let off some steam, you know? and the dudes around me are so easy… they fall into my hands like domino.”
the harsh truth behind those words were only known to you. you had been on a dry spell for nearly 2 months now. your fingers and toys were not enough, and you were pretty sure you had started to hallucinate about dick.
“wah, kwon hoshi’s sister is all grown up, huh? good for you girl, go get them!” seungcheol cheered you on, clinking his can with yours.
you sneakily turned to look at chan, who had suddenly grown silent in his conversation with seokmin. “dino-yah. are you okay?”
chan’s eyes met yours and he immediately tensed up. you noticed how white his knuckles had turned, just from gripping wooden chopsticks.
“i’m fine,” he smiled, eyes dancing over your body before he returned to his friend. your bralette was doing nothing to hide your slightly tanned skin, black shorts making your perky ass stand out even more.
dino mentally cursed soonyoung for even allowing you to wear that. but then again, his best friend was too preoccupied with his little crush to pay you any attention.
the rest of the mini barbeque was a tough time for him. the poor boy could only think about your tantalizing words to seungcheol, calling a sweet string of cusses to all the men that touched you before he ever could.
you noticed how your plan was working, hiding your smirk behind a colorful can of beer as lee chan suffered in silence.
within a few hours of outdoor activity, jun and minghao said goodnight to everyone first, tired of all the hustle and bustle. a few others followed suit, yawning and sighing.
at the end of the night greetings, you, dino, wonwoo, seungcheol, soonyoung, minji, and joshua remained near the pool. you saw how your brother kept leeching up to minji, cracking idiotic jokes under her brother's watchful eye.
"i... i think i'll head to bed now, good night guys!" you stretched up from your chair. chan's eyes followed the way your skin gleamed under the fairy lights. he gulped loudly as you purposefully swayed your hips while walking inside.
"you can follow her in, chan-ah," wonwoo smiled, shifting his gaze to the youngest momentarily. "i'll keep kwon hoshi here for a while."
"what are you on about?" dino tried to play it off, scoffing as he crunched up a beer can. wonwoo could only roll his eyes.
"it's obvious you like her, and i'm just giving you a chance to work on it. you really should tone down the staring... soonyoung would kill you if he found out, and i am willing to help you for now. so don't be an idiot and go."
smiling toothily at his hyung, dino whispered out an "i love you" before running up the stairs. he reached his room without breaking a sweat and decided to shower before doing anything.
however, when he was about to slide the door to your shared bathroom open, he heard a loud sigh coming from inside. shamelessly, chan pushed his ear against the door, curious as to what you were doing.
your sigh was followed by a small whisper that sounded like "i can't believe i'm doing this." then, chan heard a zipper being opened.
his eyes widened as he realized what you were actually doing. "no way," he mouthed to himself, feeling his boner re-emerging at a sudden squelching noise.
"mhm," you moaned behind the door, and the pervert in the next room could only imagine what you looked like. "f-fuck chan!" you whimpered, and dino felt his eyes rolling to the back of his head.
the towel dropped from his hand, as his fingers sneaked to the hem of his basketball shorts. with a silent groan, chan stroked his chub as his eyes squeezed shut.
he pulled his cock out, swiping at his tip with his thumb. his brain worked overtime to imagine your hand in place of his, pretty eyes staring up at him.
meanwhile, in the bathroom, you leaned against the counter as your fingers stretched open your pussy. "feels so good," you whimpered, pitch increasing as you imagined his veiny hands pumping into you.
unbeknownst to each other, you and chan had cum to the thoughts of one another that night. chan made sure to cum at the same time as you, recognizing your borderline screams as you tipped over the edge.
what a filthy girl, he thought to himself, panting as his release spurted onto the towel he had discarded.
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the starting 3 full days of the trip had made you avoid lee chan like he was the plague but personified.
every glance into his eyes had made you remember what you had done on that one night, and guilt seemed to sour your mood.
everyone had decided to go to the beach after having a few afternoon drinks. you spent your time around eunseok and vernon, gossipping about office trolls and work place shenanigans.
chan was simply drinking with seungkwan and minghao, refusing to give you any attention. although he was confused as to why you were ignoring him, he remained silent and decided to give you space.
jihoon suddenly joined into his conversation, hair tied back into a messy ponytail. “dino-ah,” he smirked, snatching a shot glass from the youngest’s hand. “i hear that there’s gonna be loads of girls on the beach today. wanna check some out? we can share if you want.”
as dino downed his shot, he stared back at his hyung with a grin. “don’t you remember what happened the last time we shared a girl? we had to take her to the hospital because she passed out!”
the group laughed, reminiscing the old memory. it wasn’t odd for them to share one-night stands. the boys were family, and they strongly believed in putting each other first.
the large number of giggles near you caught your attention. you and eunseok walked over to the boys, as she queried about their conversation.
“nothing much, it was just a last minute plan in prague… god we almost got arrested,” jihoon snickered, elbowing dino’s side. the youngest could only smirk, pouring himself another shot of soju.
questions flooded your mind as you stared at the man who had you in a chokehold. dino was clad in nothing but swim shorts, his taut muscles on full display for anyone to ogle over.
as the topic changed, your curiosity got the best of you. you staggered over to seungcheol, knowing that the boy would kill to gossip.
“oh hey y/n,” he greeted you with a tilt of his beer can, sunglasses perched upon his nose.
“hi,” you settled down next to him, your can of lemon soda forgotten as your lips quivered. “you look like you want to ask me something,” he chuckled, eyes scanning your face.
“you know me so well,” you smiled, twiddling your thumbs. “i can ask you anything right?”
“yeah, sure.”
“no repercussions?”
“no repercussions.”
with a sigh, you turned to face the leader as you took in a breath. “what happened in prague?”
seungcheol nearly choked on his drink, sputtering out flicks of the liquid as he stared at you with his eyes widened behind his shades.
“of everything you could have asked… why that?” he groaned, wiping his mouth. “come on,” you whined. “jihoon said it like it sounded so fun! i just wanna know!”
with a glance around to see if anyone was looking, the leader smiled and leaned in closer to you. “we swore we would never tell this to anyone but us… but you’re family too,” he began, voice merely above a whisper.
as seungcheol tattled on about the shenanigans that the idol group had been up to, you found yourself gasping. the wild story, the borderline illegality of it all— it was too much. you squeezed your thighs together when seungcheol skimmed past the details of the night they spent.
lee chan’s eyes followed the two of you, completely misinterpreting the situation. your shuffling thighs, masked giggles and wide eyes seemed like flirting to him as he clenched his jaw, downing his shot.
why were you making this so hard for him?
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it was nearly 1 in the morning when you woke up in cold sweat.
your narrow room greeted you in a greyish hue, curtains pulled back to let the moonlight in. with a sigh, you resorted to calming down, taking deep breaths as you heard the waves crashing on shore. a slight buzzing noise filled your ears. it seemed to be coming from your door, but your mind could barely focus.
your dream had completely ruined your chances of sleep. a ticket to dreamland seemed impossible as seungcheol’s words floated in your head.
i’ve never seen dino go that feral on someone before… he was insatiable.
she squirted so hard when he was done, it was a huge mess. wonwoo’s glasses got drenched-
with a sigh, you take off your sleeping shorts and toss them to the side, fingers dipping down to your core.
your hole was slicked up, a sticky mess from your vivid imagination. your index finger prodded at your entrance, making you let out a sob.
your body was frustrated, in agony. you wanted to feel chan’s touch instead of your own hands, wanted to feel him buried inside you.
you let out another pained moan, pushing your first knuckle inside your fluttering walls. however, you fail to register the sounds you have been making, and that the buzzing from the outside had suddenly stopped.
you spread your legs wider, pumping your digits inside, letting out a hurt whimper. it would never be enough.
suddenly, the door to your shared bathroom opened with a slam, and a concerned chan appeared in your doorway. “are you okay—”
the sound of his voice egged you on further, hole gushing with a fresh serving of arousal. you all but sobbed at his direction, sex induced fog clouding your brain as your fingers fastened.
“chan,” you whimpered. in the doorway, with water drenched all over his face and a can of shaving cream in his hand, lee chan groaned at the sight in front him.
“help me…” you pleaded. “oh baby,” he growled, setting the can on the floor as he walked over to you. his hands parted your thighs even further, eyes examining the mess in between your legs.
with a sharp smack, he swatted your fingers away, licking his lips at the sight of your pussy.
morals be damned. soonyoung be damned.
“look at you,” his eyes stared into your hazed ones, a hand smacking your heat. the friction had your hips bucking.
“so soaked, hmm? what were you thinking of princess?” he bit his lip. “you… always thinking of you.”
“fuck,” he groaned, tilting his head back to compose himself. “y/n,” he sighed, one of his hands cupping your face.
you leaned into his touch, lips jutted out in a pout. “tell me you want this, and it’s not just something you’d forget. tell me you want me, and i’m all yours.”
with a smile, you turn aside to place a kiss on his palm. “i’ve never wanted something more in my life, lee chan.”
that seemed to be all the confirmation he needed as he flipped you over onto your stomach, slotting himself between your legs before he discarded his sweats on the floor.
“you have no idea how patient i have been,” he grunts, manhandling you to arch your back as your ass presses against his torso.
he dips his body down, face to face with your pussy. tantalizing, he licks a stripe up your folds, making your knees buckle on the mattress.
you try to look back to see him, but its impossible to move when his hands grab your ass cheeks, forcing his mouth back on you. dino’s chin brushes against your clit as he licks at your hole with a groan.
“so wet for me already, bet i could just slide in and you’d take it.”
you can only moan his name in return, clutching the bedsheets as he ate it from the back. his tongue fucks into your folds, lapping at the arousal that drips out of you in copious amounts.
“f-fuck channie! i’m—”
before you can finish, chan is moving away from your heat. the sudden lack of his mouth has you moaning and whining like a brat.
“easy doll, i don’t want you to cum on my face right now,” he pats your ass, flipping you over to your back as you finally get a view of him.
his slick covered face dips down to meet your lips. the kiss is searing and filthy as you taste yourself on his tongue.
your hands reach for his hair, pulling him impossibly close as you suck on his tongue. using your neediness as a distraction, he quickly angles his hips and pushes his tip past your folds.
“shit!” you cuss, gasping and pulling away. in the heat of the moment, you never actually registered how obnoxiously big chan’s cock was.
as you look down to where your bodies meet, your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. his fat tip exerts an experimental thrust, and the sheer stretch of his head has you whining.
“shh baby, it’s okay,” he assures you, pressing small kisses along the column of your throat. “just breathe for me?”
you inhale slowly, allowing your tense body to relax and adjust to him. dino’s attempts at distracting you do not go futile as you feel his fingers pinching your nipples. the pain in your chest makes the ache between your legs lose all meaning.
steadily, he pushes himself inside you, inch by inch entering your welcoming walls that spasm around him. when he finally bottoms out, you feel him in your gut.
this was the fullest you had ever felt. chan’s mouth licks the sweat around your breast, savouring in the salty taste.
his arms rest on either side of your head, making you relish the view. when he finally looks up, you pull him in for a kiss.
its sloppy, and his teeth clash into yours, but you could not care less. your pussy clenches around him as you pull away, nodding feverishly. “chan… if you don’t fuck me right now, i might die— hah!”
one languid thrust into you has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. his metal chain dangles on your chin, the coolness contrasting the heat that squelches down there.
chan takes full advantage of his dancer body as he pistons his hips into you. the stretch has you reeling, nails clawing down his broad back as his body leans into you.
dino’s lips find the spot on your neck, licking and sucking till red and purple bloom on your skin. his matted hair sticks to his forehead, as you turn your head to the side— the visuals becoming too much for you to handle.
you’re met with his forearm in your sight, fingers tightly gripping the bedsheets.
without a second thought, you lean forward and bit his skin, making him groan out as his cock twitches inside you.
“fu- you’re killing me baby,” he smirked, licking his lips as he forces you to look at him.
the brute force of his thrusts has your body thrashing, legs shaking with pleasure.
“feels so good channie!” you hiccup, mind cloud. the only thing you could think of was lee chan and his oh so perfect dick that was ravaging your insides.
when chan looks down, his eyes roll to the back of his head. he could see the outline of himself in your stomach, prodding out with every thrust.
a creamy and frothy ring lined the base of his cock, a testament to how your greedy cunt was sucking him in. your warm walls squeezed hard around him when one of his hands dropped down to press the bulge on your stomach.
“feel me in there, don’t ya?” he babbled, hips faltering at your vicious grip. “y-yes!” you cried out, feeling your stomach contracting.
with a loud growl, chan’s lips rest upon yours. “you close baby? can feel your greedy little cunt crying f’me,” he mumbled, licking your bottom lip.
your pathetic nods made him remove his hand from your stomach and find your clit instead, circling the bud as you mewled.
“cum for me baby, show me how much you needed this cock in you,” his eyes fluttered shut, forehead falling against yours.
“i’m cu— oh fuck,” you whimpered, suddenly feeling your orgasm rip through your body. your pussy clamped down on him, gripping his length like a fleshlight.
dino moaned in your ear about how good you felt, thrusts turning sloppy as he pressed kisses on your earlobe.
he continued to move inside you, drawing out your orgasm as he chased after his. overstimulation had tears spilling from your eyes, clawing at his pecs as you sobbed. “ ‘s too much channie! hurts!”
“just a little more baby, clench round me like that aga— FUCK!” he lost himself in you, feeling your walls clamp down on his cock, milking him for all his worth as his orgasm washed over him.
in a desperate attempt, chan’s thrusts turned erratic as he pumped his load inside you. “s-so good,” he whimpered, hips stilling inside you as he softened. you groaned at the warmth, shutting your eyes in ecstasy.
you both were panting, bodies entwined in a soft caress. time seemed to still when lee chan looked into your eyes again, smiling like a lovesick puppy when you kissed him.
your mouth whined pathetically when he pulled out, falling to your side as he sighed. wanting to be close to him, you shuffled near him.
your fingers dropped down to your pussy as you tried to plug his cum inside you, moaning at the sensation of being so incredibly full and warm.
“that was… the best sex i’ve ever had, sheesh,” dino wrapped an arm around you, pulling you impossibly close.
you brought your hand up to place on his sweaty chest, giggling as he kissed the top of your head. “better than prague?” you teased.
lee chan’s pecs tensed under your hold, as his eyes widened, staring at you in the dark. “what— who told you about that!” he exclaimed, ears dusted pink.
“seungcheol’s very easy to gossip with,” you winked, staring up at his pretty face. “wow… i can’t believe this hyung,” he grumbled, hearing you laugh.
“hey! this only happened because i was thinking about everything you did to that poor girl,” you smacked his muscle, hearing him wince. “why were you so feral that night, lee chan?” you voiced your question out loud.
he sucked in a breath as his grip tightened around your shoulder. “you really want to know?”
“i’m dying from curiosity,” you mused. with a sigh, chan turned his head to face you fully, meeting your eyes in the moonlight, before he whispered out an answer.
“she had the same name as you.”
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© nachojaehyun, 2024
2K notes · View notes
justalildumpling · 5 months ago
Text
the aftermath (of champagne & tequila)
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synopsis: so maybe those few glasses of champagne and tequila wasn’t your smartest choice of beverages at your high school reunion. but how were you supposed to know that running into your childhood crushes absolutely wasted would have you dealing with the aftermath of making out with not one, but both within the same hour?
pairing: haechan x fem! reader & mark x fem! reader genre: love triangle, childhood crushes au, college au, fluff, humor word count: 7.4k warnings: swearing, making out, mentions of alcohol, vaping, weed, jokes about death and just a 'hol lot of y/n being a dumb drunk
note: there’s really no plot to this, just pure thirst and chaos but then again, isn’t that all my fics ever🙃 (and god forbid any of my irls see this bc they'll know exactly who everyone is based off of💀)
[ playlist: all my friends - snakehips / feels - calvin harris / pretty please - dua lip / one kiss - dua lipa / leave the door open - bruno mars / nasty - ariana grande / streets - doja cat ]
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IN YOUR DEFENCE, you weren’t planning on getting this drunk. 
In fact, you remembered reassuring your group of friends about this the day before, emphasising your astounding hatred towards the very limited selection of the free alcoholic beverages available at the bar (namely, beer and wine). 
Further backing up your case, you had initially turned up to your high school reunion an hour late with the lazy excuse of your last-minute decisions towards your outfit that day – which, considering your turbulent meltdowns about having no clothes at two in the morning, was a complete fucking lie – only covering up your actual reasonings of not wanting to face your high school year group. 
You didn’t exactly have any particular reasons to avoid anyone – a matter of fact, you liked to think you got along with everyone back in the day, often bouncing around from friend group to friend group with shiny eyes, inviting smiles and friendly banter – but there was something about reuniting your cohort again after a year which felt awkward. 
There was no doubt that everyone would have changed in some way shape or form. 
Heck, you were a completely different person from when they last saw you in the body of that wide-eyed girl in the crisp white blouse with the conservative knee-length pleated skirt. Plus, judging by the daily scroll of your Instagram feed, many of your peers seemed to don an altered version of their high school selves as well – meaning you had to get to know everyone all over again. 
You vaguely remember turning up at the congested bar next to your high school building. The entrance was decorated with popped bottles of champagne with only a few clean empty glasses left on the display tray. The rest are in the hands of the various levels of tipsy college kids packed together like a can of sardines in front of the bar, eagerly milking out the bar tab set by the committee. Despite your school renting out the entirety of the second floor, it felt a little too tight, almost claustrophobic inside as you discreetly tried to scan the drunken crowd for your usual group of friends. However, your search didn’t last long, resulting in you eventually giving up after a few seconds, opting to ease the mild squeamishness with some liquid courage.
The cheap champagne burned the back of your throat as you settled on painfully chugging the glass in mere seconds, sticking out your tongue in disgust. Regardless of your initial reaction to the first taste, you began lining up for another glass, maybe in hopes of finding your intoxicated friends swimming in the chaos.
“Oh my god, Y/N! Is that you?” 
Your ears perked at the familial voice amid of the loud chatter, head whipping towards the warm beam of Huang Renjun – a longtime locker mate/bandmate during school. Crushing you into a tight hug, you momentarily thanked the higher power of the universe for sending at least an old buddy as your first very sober interaction. 
Though you and Renjun had never exclusively shared the same social circle, your friendship went way back. It started from being in the school’s so-called “rock” band together to trauma bonding over some unfortunate extension English classes in middle school to being neighbouring lockers for the entirety of high school. You recalled Renjun being a wholesome-looking guy, uniform always neatly tucked in, hair short and well kept, so when you spotted his long bleached hair and a silver ring hanging off the left corner of his lip as you pulled away from his grasp, surprise was an understatement of your reaction.
“You pierced your lip!” you exclaimed, turning your face to various angles around him to have a closer look.
A hearty laugh escaped his lips, throwing his head back as he playfully modelled his new accessory with a childish smile, “I did! Though I would be lying if I said I got this voluntarily.” 
You cocked your head at him as the two of you received your preferred beverage from the bar counter, gesturing for him to elaborate. Renjun paused, sipping on the overflowing bubbles of his beer before adding, “I lost a bet with Donghyuck.” 
Lee Donghyuck, a name you would say you were well acquainted with. He was a popular figure with the female community of your school for his visuals and many other talents, an eye-catching part of Renjun’s circle and your childhood friend. Well, sort of.
The two of you met in second grade, the joyful period of a child’s life where everyone was automatically considered friends if you shared a class or your mothers exchanged more than two sentences and invited you to their birthday parties. Also meant, playing with the designated child of your mother’s chosen friend of the day until their hour-long conversation was over. 
Considering the sheer amount of afternoons spent with Donghyuck throughout your elementary school days running around with his family puppy on the school grounds, you would think that would automatically deem the approval of the “childhood friend” title. But the two of you didn’t really talk outside of your forced interaction nor did you share the same lunchtime activities much to your pathetic heart’s dismay. 
It would be a lie if you said you weren’t charmed by the warm scruffiness of the little boy, oftentimes guilty of shamelessly boring holes into the back of his head during class and daydreaming about your futures together instead of listening to your homeroom teacher. You had a feeling your mum knew of your little infatuation towards the boy, often sending you a knowing gaze after your weekly runarounds with him and after the mention of his name in conversation prompting you to believe that her coincidental run-ins with Donghyuck’s mother weren’t so accidental afterall. 
Though growing out of your shorts and summer tunic dresses and into your somewhat maturer age of a teenager; the validation of the excuse of your mother’s budding friendship to catch him after school expired alongside the dissipating giddiness you had once held for him. Something you saw coming for a while as you found yourself seeing less of him around which came as no surprise as neither of you shared the same class nor the same friends as you naturally started gravitating to different parts of your enlarging year group. 
Finishing off the remainder of your flat champagne, you raised your eyebrows at the boy, “Donghyuck? Haven’t heard that name in a while, how is he?”
Renjun hummed, fingers drumming on the sides of his beer glass, “Why don’t you ask him? He’s here today,” he began standing on the tips of his battered converses, peering around the bar for the boy in question.
You shook your head with a chuckle, “Don’t worry about it. It’s going to be impossible to find him-”
On queue, Renjun hollered Donghyuck’s name at the back corner of the room, waving at a shadowed figure exaggeratedly. You weren’t even sure how he was able to spot him within the chaos so quickly when you were still left in search of your friends. But that wasn’t your biggest problem anymore as you recognised Donghyuck emerging from within the darkness, jokingly shoving past the large group of huddled and what you assumed to be intoxicated boys. 
He didn’t look too different from the last time you met, maybe a few centimetres taller, skin sun-kissed from the recent summer weather but holy shit, was he still as hot as ever. If not more.
“Damn Y/N, is that you?” 
You were too sober for this. Sure, you had started to feel the buzz peppering various parts of your face; but your emotions, the logical voice in your brain remained intact, with it blaring “DON’T FUCK UP!” in bold capital letters the closer he got. 
Shoving your jitters further down your lame excuse of a brain, a playful smile was forced upon your lips, “The one and only.” 
Donghyuck grinned, lightly pulling you into a welcoming embrace, catching you off guard, “It’s good to see you again.”
You could tell the alcohol had already hit his systems judging by the uncharacteristically physical greeting and eyes lazily half-lidded as he pulled away from your grasp. “Looks like someone’s had a bit to drink tonight?” you teased, eyeing the lingering closeness between the two of you.
Donghyuck chuckled, softly shaking his head, “I haven’t had too much, maybe a couple of glasses of champagne at school and a few beers here. What about you?”
“Only two glasses of whatever they’re serving at the bar,” you shuddered at the thought, placing your empty glasses down on the side of the countertop. 
“So what I’m hearing is that you haven’t had enough yet,” Donghyuck sent a cheeky wink your way, completely forgetting about poor Renjun’s presence in the conversation as he lightly tugged at your sleeves back in front of the bar, ordering your preferred drinks with the bartender. Clinking your topped-up glasses with the boy, you wondered if making conversations with the boy was this easy before. It wasn’t like he was antisocial or judgemental during your high school years, maybe a little arrogant at times which initially caused your group of friends to have a slight dislike towards the boy.
“Y/N no,” you remembered your best friend Ningning immediately shutting down your thoughts followed by the excessive nods of your friends. 
The five of you sat on the floor in front of your lockers, the smell of the freshly made fries Minjeong had bought from the deli next door wafting down the corridor as you had your heated discussion for the day. How you ended up on the topic of your resurfacing feelings for Lee Donghyuck was a whole other question of its own. (Ah, you remembered. Minjeong tripped down the stairs as you and Donghyuck exchanged smiles and pleasantries, whilst she panicked about her one fry which flew out of the cardboard box, all you could think about was him)
Ningning scrunched her eyes, lips formed into a sour expression, “He’s just so…” 
“Egotistical?” Shuhua offered.
“Short?” Yunjin added, throwing a handful of fries in her mouth.
“Both,” Ningning affirmed. She patted your lap, a thin smile drawn on her face, “You’re too good for him Y/N.”
It was safe to say that the droplet of leaking feelings had shrivelled back up into your heart that day, both due to your friend’s confronting opinions towards the boy and the unapproachable aura he exuded. (Ok, maybe you admired his golden face from across the room from time to time but who could blame you? It wasn’t your fault his stupidly good looks started appearing at every extracurricular activity you signed up for that term) 
A full glass’ worth of conversation passed at this point, and the both of you head deep into your storytelling of your crazy nights out. Bursts of booming laughter thundered as he described canon bombing into his university’s questionable lake and audible gasps sounded as you described your New Year's celebrations earlier that year. Maybe you were wrong about your skepticisms towards the boy during your schooling years, blaming your tendency to catastrophize any minor inconvenience to blow his inherent “unattainableness” out of proportion.
Pulling your phone out of your handbag to check the time, you were greeted with several missed calls and spammed messages from your friends, slapping you back to your original goal in mind. 
“Everything alright?” Donghyuck’s face appeared beside your phone screen, eyes concentrated on your sudden change of expression.
“Uh-” you began typing your response to your group chat, reassuring them of your whereabouts in the heavily packed venue, ”-yeah. Yeah, sorry,” you clicked your phone shut, stuffing it back into your purse before facing him again, “Just reassuring a panicked group chat.”
He laughed, dipping his head in understanding, “I’m guessing I’ll have to let you go?”
You shrugged, offering him a small pout, “Unfortunately but hey, take a shot with me later?”
A soft smile littered Donghyuck’s face, hands squeezing the tops of your shoulders.
“Bet, I’ll come find you.”
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NOTE TO SELF: Don’t go into the female restrooms during a big event in a relatively logical state of mind.
The girls' restrooms were a lively place for the residents of your school, always scented with the popular fumes of grape ice and strawberry watermelon vape, the tile floors littered with abandoned pairs of laddered stockings in the winter and forgotten multicoloured hydro-flasks perched on the benches. With quite the vaping addiction of your school, it was always a fun game of guess who when you took the trip to the restrooms during class, which clique was occupying the stalls together, which flavour they were attempting that day or what piece of drama you were going to be handed. 
You realised that not much had changed when you found your friends huddling with quite the assortment of other girls in your year group in the bar restroom. The air was concocted with the nostalgic smell of blue raspberry vape and Maison Margiela, accompanied by loud loving gossip in the unoccupied stalls and the occasional drunken mirror selfies in front of the basin.
“Oh my gosh Y/N! You’re alive!” Ningning screeched, glomping you into a tight hug, “I was about to get up on the tables to find you out there.”
“Sorry, I missed your calls,” you wheezed as Minjeong came over to peel the girl off of your body, “I didn’t realise my phone was on silent.”
“Don’t even worry about it,” Shuhua slurred attaching herself to Minjeong’s side, “You must’ve been bouncing around like you usually do, judging by how long it took you to find us.”
“Yeah,” – if bouncing around meant from one drink to another with the same person – “You could say that.”
“Yunjin said hi by the way,” Minjeong interrupted, pulling up a photo of your absent friend striking a cute pose in front of a sushi train in Hawaii, “She said to drink on her behalf, which I don’t think is the best idea.”
“That girl’s probably drunk right now,” Ningning snickered, turning to face the large mirror to reapply her lip gloss, “But I’ll take any excuse to drink more.”
Minjeong raised an eyebrow at the girl, “Didn’t you say that you were saving your liver for next weekend?” 
Ningning merely shrugged, waving her off before grabbing ahold of your hand with an animated wiggle, squabbling about something along the lines of you looking too sober. You ran into many old faces on the short journey to the bar front, hearty laughter and juicy gossip unconsciously spilled and overheard from the neighbouring conversations (Though whether it was true or not, you weren’t sure, but considering the topics of accidental pregnancies and very messy breakups – maybe it would be best to wish for the latter)
You were on your fourth glass of champagne at this point, something you couldn’t understand as every sip you took attempted to change your mind; it really just tasted the same – like fucking ass. The state of yourself on the other hand arguably has made some progress, to your best friend’s delight. You had joined in on Ningning’s nonsensical babbling a half glass ago, nodding along to whatever came out of her mouth with a small giggle tickling up your throat. She leaned into your ear, slurring some muddled sentence that was drowned out by the screaming lyrics of ABBA. A nod came as a reflex for you, a dazed smile tugging at your lips.
She gave you a little squeeze on your shoulders, shuffling past a sea of people and to the other end of the room. The world seemed to move faster than what your brain could handle at that given moment, only registering the disappearance of your friend as well as the foreign group of kids gathered around you a few minutes later. 
There you were, at square one once again, like a clueless fish stuck between the school of other wandering creatures. Except, replace the ocean with flat champagne and cheap house beer.
With an exasperated sigh, you took a step back from the chattering circle, but what you thought was an empty space was in fact a person. A person with a full glass of beer – well, half full after you knocked into it.
“Shit- Fuck- I’m so sorry, is your drink o…kay?” Your words trailed off as you came face to face with your ex-best friend Mark Lee.
Ah yes. Mark Lee and Y/N L/N, quite the known duo during your middle school days. Inseparable, protective and unanimously voted as most probably secretly dating or housing feelings for each other – which to be fair, wasn’t exactly false. 
Your rather complicated feelings for the boy began in fifth grade when the boy slipped you a silly doodle of a duck in a top hat during math class. The two of you were seated a table apart from each other with your respective seatmates so you weren’t too sure of why he specifically chose you to gift his work of art but regardless, you giggled, pencilling in the words “Taffy the Duck” on the top of the page to pass back to him. Your little note passings continued throughout the rest of elementary school, leading to middle school where in your despair realised that you shared zero classes with the boy. Despite this, your friendship stood as strong as ever, hanging out during lunchtimes and visiting the local 7/11 after school until well – it wasn’t.
There was no pivotal moment when you stopped being as close as you were; in fact, it was a question that remained frustratingly unanswered throughout the years. It wasn’t like the two of you ever argued or had a major fallout – which could’ve given you a proper reason to either make up or talk to him again – but rather be described as a painstakingly slow drift, enough to the point where it was unnoticeable. Maybe it started with the branching of different friend groups then led to your attention on your respective crushes at the time – which now that you recollected on your past, think that your hidden feelings for each other at the time were the only thing holding you together.
Sure, you had attempted to revive your friendship at times, starting with the ever-so-awkward first hellos in the stairwell to a couple of sentences exchanged before classes started in your final year, but all efforts seem to have unravelled as you graduated from school and went on your separate ways, until today.
“Oh hey, Y/N?” 
You handed him a napkin from the bar, “Mark.” 
Shaking the excess residue off of his hand, he mumbled a quiet thanks as he took the napkin from you. You wanted to die, really. As a matter of fact, you were convinced that it would be a much more pleasant experience than silently standing like some dumb wooden doll in front of your ex-best friend, as he cleaned up after your mess. 
“So,” he cleared his throat, “It’s been a while huh?”
You gulped down the last sip of your drink, feeling the burn of the champagne trickling down your oesophagus, “Yeah, I mean the last time we talked was, one and half years ago?” – Technically, it was his birthday a little less than a year ago when the two of you last exchanged messages. It entailed your short greeting of “happy b’day mark!” and the equally blunt response of “haha thanks y/n”. However according to the Cambridge dictionary, a conversation is defined as a discussion about a particular subject and well, nothing was discussed.
“Well, how have you been? Your brother doing well?” Mark passed his fingers through his dark locks, turning his full attention to you.
You were surprised he remembered your brother, with him starting school not long before you guys stopped being friends, “He’s doing well, grown up a lot since you last saw him,” you snorted, remembering his little presence trailing behind the two of you after school, begging for you to buy him Mcdonald's fries, “How about you? You attend NCIT right?”
“Yep, studying Business,” he rolled his eyes, “Quite the regretful choice. How about you?”
“Communications at Yonsei,” you responded, “Though, I did originally transfer from Business, due to as you said. Quite the experience.”
Mark chuckled knowingly, raising his glass to take a sip of his remaining drink, “It suits you. Communications that is.”
“What? Because I’m loud?” you joked.
He shook his head, “You always had great ideas, people always looked to you for advice.” 
A warm smile made its way onto your face. It was a reassuring phrase to hear, short but impactful nonetheless. Especially as you struggled to figure out your path after school, switching from one faculty to another in hopes of finding the one that didn’t make you want to throw yourself off a cliff side. Communications was a spontaneous jump but it was the only choice that made you confident in your abilities so hearing this sort of external validation felt nice, especially from him.
Mark returned the gesture, eyes crinkling into the tender crescent shape. Despite the maturing of his facial structure, he still housed the same childlike smile. The one which stretched to the outskirts of his cheeks, softening his overall cold exterior. The one that made you fall for him in the first place. 
“How come I didn’t catch you at school earlier?”
You blinked, snapping out of your thoughts, “O-Oh, I turned up pretty late so I missed out on the terrace drinks.” 
“That makes more sense,” Mark hummed in affirmation, eyeing you up and down, “I feel like I definitely would’ve noticed you if you were there.”
What. 
“Tequila shot?” he offered.
You bat an eye, “Uh, sure.”
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YOU SEE, you were an affectionate drunk – most often seen clinging onto your friends’ bodies for dear life or littering kisses on their cheeks towards the peak of your night outs. You concluded your drastic personality change was due to the massive confidence boost and the silencing of the practical parts of your brain, meaning that your already concerning amount of extrovertedness maxed the scale.
Before that evening, this quirky little trait of yours never caused you harm, only resulting in the multitude of ‘friends’ being made in the club’s restroom line or several new followers on Instagram the morning after – half of which you barely remember the existence of. 
It was barely eleven when Donghyuck snatched you away from your friends, keeping what you thought to be an empty promise of taking a shot with you. Although you were the one originally suggesting your actions, you won’t lie that you held low expectations for him to follow through – most definitely considering his current state of mind.
Clinking your shot glasses together, you downed the liquor in mere seconds, followed by the soothing taste of the lime, melting away the burn that chased up your throat. An electrified laugh sounded from your left as the familial chords of Bruno Mars blasted through the speakers. Donghyuck held no hesitation to grab your hands, dragging you to the front of the speakers as he playfully serenaded you throughout the way.
You could only shyly giggle as he twirled you around the circling crowd, blatantly avoiding his grand gestures for you to sing along. But your resistance didn’t last long as the chorus hit, finding yourself swaying to the beat of the music, accepting the enclosing distance between your bodies. You peered up to meet his eyes, still filled with the childlike wonder and life from the early days of your friendship to the sharp slope of his nose to his scattered moles down to his supple lips.
“You know Hyuck, you’re really hot.”
A satisfied grin laced Donghyuck’s lips, “Am I now?”
“Can I kiss you?”
You weren’t exactly sure what initially prompted you to blurt your relatively forward words to the unsuspecting boy. Maybe it was the lingering fresh taste of the lime on your tongue. Maybe it was the way he swiped his tongue against his bottom lip to soak up any last droplets of the liquor or simply because you just wanted to. Either way, what you didn’t expect was for a smirk to tug against Donghyuck’s lips, stepping closer to your body, eyes flickering to your lips as a finger grazed the underside of your chin. He momentarily wavered a couple centimetres away from your lips, warm breath fanning against your face before his lips met yours. 
The once horridly ear-deafening music of the room with the bubbling chatters of your cohort seemed to fade into the background as the ghost of Donghyuck’s hands skimmed the bare parts of your waist. His tousled curls tickled the sides of your cheeks as he nipped at your jawline, pinning your body firmer against the wall. 
“God forbid if our mothers saw us right now,” you let out a slight gasp as he kissed the sensitive part of your neck.
“Well, good thing our mothers aren’t here to see us, right?” a low chuckle rumbled from his throat before reconnecting your lips again, his tongue fighting for its place in your mouth. Your fingers gripped at the back of his head, tugging at the strands to elicit a staggered moan from the boy, filling your chest with a weird sense of pride and definitely not helping your already inflated ego.
You could conclude you had certainly passed your tipsy stage, with the last shot of tequila seeping into your system and pushing your brain’s irrationality almost a bit too far. You remembered once hearing your tenth-grade biology teacher talk about the effects of alcohol on the human body and how it altered your brain’s chemical composition. Specifically, how it lowered an individual’s inhibitions and social rationalisation.
And considering your ongoing messy but undeniably hot lip-locking with Lee Donghyuck, you began regretting zoning off in the latter part of that science lesson (not really. You did manage to beat your personal record in 2048) where she had subsequently explained how to piece together the drunken jumble in your brain as the following few words which tumbled out of your mouth, you would inevitably regret.
“Wait, I need to pee.”
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YOU HAD TO ADMIT. It was quite scary the amount of things you managed to figure out about yourself whilst severely intoxicated.
One, you really couldn’t hold your bladder. Evident by the frequent trips to the restroom every thirty minutes or the number of times you had bumped into the same group of girls gathered outside the basins, offering you a hit of their neon-coloured vape and a piece of their drunken secrets. 
Two, realising the sheer amount of time and money wasted spent trying to figure yourself out during your high school years as the one night of limitless alcoholic beverages seemed to be a confronting personality test in itself. 
Three, the emotions you spent years persuading to simmer down in your heart were capable of rapidly firing out in mere seconds alongside the memory bank of shitty pick-up lines and your apparent drunken rizz that went through the roof.
Four, maybe your best friend’s words of you supposedly being in your “hoe phase” were really true because at that moment, you really, really wanted to kiss someone – more specifically, Mark Lee.
It wasn't exactly the best course of action, considering your heated make-out session with Donghyuck not too long before – which you left halfway through, might you add. But wise decisions weren’t things you were great at making. Especially a few too many glasses of champagne and spirits deep.
According to your very skewed sense of time, it was around midnight when you stumbled into Mark once again, this time hidden within the shadows behind a pillar in the corner with another drink in his hand. Not many people lingered around this part of the room. You guessed it was due to the immobile bodies sprawled across the dingy carpet a few metres in front and a frustrating lack of both music and alcohol. With a light trip in your step, you made your way towards the boy.
“Oh my gosh Mark! What are you doing here?” 
A concerned grimace appeared upon Mark’s lips, prompting him to place his drink on the carpeted floor to steady your rocking body. The room had begun spinning at this point in time, with Mark’s face distorting ever so slightly to your hilarity.
A giggle bubbled up your throat, followed by your hands which gravitated towards the poor boy’s face, poking various parts of his features in such fascination. Mark could only sigh, registering his sheer lack of control in the situation, as he sat you on the plastic chair. 
A wave of peace washed over your bodies for a few minutes, with Mark quietly sipping on the remainder of his drink whilst you traced your fingers across his jawline. Though much to his despair, the calm before the storm barely lasted three minutes as your loud ass mouth began itching to dominate your brain.
“Mark, has anyone ever told you how fucking hilarious you are?” 
Mark deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest, “I haven’t said anything.” 
“SEE?!” You bounced out of your seat, “A fucking knee slapper that one!” 
Another sigh escaped his lips, getting ahold of your shoulders again to place you back down, “Y/N, how did you manage to even get like this?”
“You know Donghae? Haechang? Whatever his name is-”
“Donghyuck.” Mark corrected, eyebrows furrowing at the mention of his name, “What did that overgrown cabbage patch kid do to you?” 
“Relax, he just bought me a shot…” You drew out your words before pouting, “Or two, and maybe a couple drinks before that.”
Mark shook his head, patting your head, “I’m gonna get you some water.”
“Nooo! Don’t go, you’re so sexy!” You latched yourself onto his waist, fingers twisting around the belt loops of his jeans. 
You could feel him visibly freeze on the spot, occasionally twitching nervously the closer your hands lingered to his crotch. You staggered up from your seat again, hands grazing his torso to wrap around his neck. Despite only a part of his face being illuminated by the light behind the pillar, it was enough to make out his parted lips and widened eyes.
Just like Hyuck, you realised how much Mark had grown into his mature face over the years. His cheekbones were more prominent, and his hair styled with the hard gel he refused to use in middle school. You reached to pass a stray strand across his forehead, though your eyes never left his and your lips inching closer towards his.
“You’re drunk, Y/N.”
You shrugged, eyes flickering down to his lips, “I wasn’t drunk when I wanted to kiss you.”
“And when was that?”
“Middle school, high school,” You paused, pondering for a second, “After graduation.”
A moment of shock flashed across the boy’s face, lips partly ajar and what seemed like a rollercoaster of emotions tumbling within his eyes. You had always questioned what his response would’ve been to a potential confession back in the day; maybe he would’ve reciprocated your drawn-out feelings and lived as a happy couple to this day, or if you wanted to be pessimistic, suffered the horrors of a toxic middle school relationship and be forever traumatised by love for the rest of your life; or maybe he would’ve rejected your feelings and just remained as an awkward pair of “besties”. 
There was a little voice shrieking from the depths of your brain to shut the fuck up, most probably belonging to your sober self trying to save your face. However, it seemed as though the mystery to your decades-long question would be answered that night as Mark chuckled, clearing his throat.
"Middle school me would've gone crazy hearing this." 
You knew you were definitely wasted at that moment, his words of reciprocation to your elementary school feelings flying over your head and rather hyperfocused on the warmth of his embrace and the subtle gulp of nervousness he took.
"What about present-day Mark?” You murmured, your breath hitting his lips, “Is this making him crazy too?"
"Absolutely insane."
You were reminded of your friends’ comments on your drunken rizz, with apparently any form of embarrassment and dignity thrown into the gutter to crash and burn. With the amount of unknown dms you had woken up to the morning after drinking, you’d think you would’ve learnt your lesson by now – but your drunken alter ego was a stubborn bitch. 
A bitch who definitely needed some kind of therapy.
As Mark smashed his lips onto yours, it was then you were hit by your mother’s words about drinking responsibly. Obviously, to avoid alcohol poisoning, potentially blacking out and passing out on the side of the road, but most importantly, to avoid involving yourself in sticky situations in which your sober self had to deal with the aftermath.
But how were you supposed to anticipate that the aftermath of a fuckload of champagne and tequila shots was going to have you hooking up with your childhood crushes at your school reunion?
Oh, and blackout whilst you were at it.
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YOU WEREN’T GOING TO LIE, waking up in the comfort of your sheets came as a surprise for your tired self. 
You were quite proud of yourself for making it back in one piece, or even back at home at all and not passing out on the side of the road somewhere, considering the rather large gap in your memory and the fact that you were most definitely still drunk when you woke up. 
There was a slight wobble in your step as you made your way over to the kitchen, head pounding and face still numb as you took the first miraculous sip of water. Your phone screen lit up with a bomb of message notifications and Instagram tags from last night, in which you nervously opened your active group chat.
[ yunjin ] did i miss anything?
[ shuhua ] i shit talked about ppl with aeri and somi whilst high
[ ningning ] yk i don’t think i recall parts of last night
[ you ] i mean,, understandable. u were pretty fucked
[ minjeong ] y/n wrestling tongues with donghyuck was the most unexpected for me
[ shuhua ] you what😭
[ you ] we are not mentioning that…
[ ningning ] wait i swear it was mark, was it not?
[ yunjin ] lol plot twist: it was both
[ you ] …
[ minjeong ] YOU MADE OUT WITH BOTH OF THEM!??!?!?!
You chose to shut off your phone at that moment, predicting the bloodbath of capitalised screams and spammed Facetime calls from the group. Which, in all honesty, you severely lacked the willpower to deal with.
A soft shuffle of slippers sounded at the kitchen entrance, and you turned to face your mother. Still in her pink fluffy pyjamas, drowsily waved as she made her way to the fridge, delicately opening the door to grab the milk. 
“How was last night?” she asked, making her way to the milk frother.
You hummed, walking to the coffee machine with a mug in hand. “It was…”
An absolute clusterfuck of chaos – would be the correct answer. But telling your mother you had drunkenly made out with the sweet little son of her old friend and the name of a boy she hadn’t heard from for half a decade probably wasn’t the best piece of news to be told first thing in the morning – if at all.
You slipped a capsule into the machine with a crack, half haphazardly pressing buttons on the top before a mellow whir filled the silence, “... Interesting.”
A short chuckle resonated inside the refrigerator door, “What did you do this time?” 
You scoffed, offended by the direct jab of her question, “Hey! I don’t always get into trouble!”
“So you didn’t do anything last night?” 
You groaned, pouring the foamed milk into the coffee mug, “Well, no…” Dragging on the o, you passed the mug to your mum, huffing as you sat on the countertops, “How can you always tell?”
“I think I’ve heard enough drunken antics from you to know,” she took a sip from her mug, raising her eyebrows at your phone lock screen, “And I think the amount of notifications you’re receiving says a lot too,”
You reached over the end of the countertop, swiping your phone with a roll of your eyes. Your once pretty lock screen of you and your friends had been bombarded by the stacks of message notifications, fulfilling your prediction of incessant exclamation marks and illegible keyboard smashes. However, one contact profile stood out from the rest – that being a concerned Renjun.
[ renjun ] u feeling alright after yesterday?
[ you ] physically, pretty decent.  [ you ] mentally, very confused.
[ renjun ] haha fair, u did seem pretty wasted before u left
His message made you pause, attempting to dial back your inefficient memory to when you left the venue. 
Did you even see Renjun before you left? Pfft, who were you even kidding – you didn’t even have any recollection of how you got home in the first place.
[ you ] remind me how i got home..? :)))
[ renjun ] … mark left u with minjeong who called u an uber home [ renjun ] god, how much do u remember?
[ you ] … not a lot
[ renjun ] u free wednesday? i think we need a debrief
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“IS IT TRUE that you kissed both Mark and Donghyuck at the reunion?”
Now. When you agreed to get a casual drink with Renjun the following Wednesday, you had expected a few questions about your little flings with his friends to come up in conversation. But boy, did you fail to prepare for such bluntness so early on.
“H-how the fuck- did you- know?” Choking on the sharp intake of the unmixed gin at the bottom of your cocktail, the calm approach you had rehearsed on the way over to the bar fell apart as your response came out as a desperate splutter of coughs and stutters.
Renjun threw you a sidelong look, chucking the pathetic remains of the stale popcorn at your figure, which you barely dodged.
“Because those horny fuckboys told me, how else?”
You crossed your arms over your chest, the accentuation of the word fuckboys making you feel rather defensive over your drunken behaviour, “Just for the record, I don’t usually go around sucking faces with every hot guy I see.”
“I never accused you of doing so.” 
A smug look settled on Renjun’s face, clearly amused by your unfortunate situation judging by the quirk of his lips as you reached for your drink once again. 
“You are insufferable.”
“So-” Renjun dragged on, resting his elbows against the tabletop, “Who was the better kisser, hm?”
The alcoholic concoction got caught in your throat once again, sending both you and your rapidly declining self-preservation into a downward spiral. The straightforwardness of the boy is one of the contributing factors, the rest being the rather vivid flashbacks of your liaisons a few nights prior. 
It wasn’t like you hadn’t talked about this before – in fact, you recalled it being one of the first questions shoved into your face when you picked up your friends’ calls. However, whether you gave them the answers they were desperately seeking for, you weren’t sure because simply. You weren’t exactly certain about how to answer it either.
“I cannot believe that you hooked up with both your childhood crushes and managed to mess up both interactions,” you remembered Shuhua splutter incredulously through your FaceTime call with the approving nods of the rest following shortly after.
“I just- how did you get the courage to pull the two hottest guys in our year whilst being the drunkest you had ever gotten?” 
“It was because I was the drunkest I had ever been,” you grumbled in response, rolling your eyes at your screen, “I wouldn’t have otherwise.”
“So you’re saying you wouldn’t hook up with them again?” 
You chose to remain silent for Ningning’s question, neither wanting to directly confirm or deny any theorised accusations which plagued your best friends’ minds, but, with the growing giddiness which reflected on their faces, you realised that no amount of silence could ever hide your real thoughts from your friends, prompting the passing notion that maybe the silence was actually meant for you and your restless little brain. 
Shaking away your thoughts, you turned back to Renjun, “Why are you so interested in this anyway?”
Renjun slurped the last droplets of his cocktail, eyebrows raised in amusement, “Well, aside from the fact that you chose my two best friends as your hookups for the night – which, may I add, coincidentally happens to be both your childhood crushes – Let’s just say those two aren’t exactly on good terms right now.”
Your lips parted from the straw, “Aren’t on good terms?”
As far as you remembered, the three of them had been best friends since early middle school – a fact that made you want to coil up into a shameful ball of nonexistence – you recalled seeing them on the soccer field at lunch, oftentimes doubling over themselves over something on Donghyuck’s phone or the rare exchanges of shy hellos and flustered smiles when they had met up with Mark as he dropped you off in front of your classroom. 
Despite the drift in friendship from your end, Mark’s friendship with Donghyuck had always seemed to remain close – which, considering their shared activities of partying, sports and residing in the same social circle, made sense.
Noticing your puzzlement towards his revelation, he added, “Believe it or not, they fought over the same girl a few months ago.” Renjun popped the fries in his mouth as if he wasn’t casually spilling his best friends' secrets to a girl he randomly reunited with a couple days ago, “which is funny because that’s literally what’s happening right now.”
You groaned, slinking further into the wooden seat with your head buried into your hands, “Great. So what you’re saying is that I’ve just further ruined your guys’ friendship because of some silly drunken mistake.”
“I guess you could say that.”
You rolled your eyes at him, “Oh, lovely. What a great reassurance to hear.”
“I was just offering my pure honesty, no harm intended.” 
The two of you slipped into a comfortable silence, ordering the last deserving round of the cheap happy hour cocktails before it was too late. As you waited for your orders to be delivered, Renjun spent the time scrolling through the photos of their drunken nights out, replaying the short clips of Donghyuck with a traffic cone over his head and his own unfortunate events of being rolled around the empty city in a stolen shopping cart.
With the number of snorts and giggles exchanged, it felt like no time had passed since your high school days – except for the increasing recklessness between both parties.
You began retelling your version of your nights out, from the gasps extracted as you mentioned witnessing a random street brawl in an alleyway to the disapproving tuts of his tongue about your case of being stranded on the side of a highway at three am. 
“You know Y/N? You really are the bringer of chaos.”
You could only chuckle in response as you reached for your phone, “Trust me, I’m not that bad.” 
However, as you unlocked your phone to read through your missed notifications for the evening, you realised that maybe you should fix your habit of making bad decisions whilst severely intoxicated, as what you found waiting on your lock screen served as a painful reminder of quite possibly your stupidest mistake yet.
Noticing your sudden change of demeanour, Renjun frowned, “Hey, is everything alright?”
You could only bat an eye, pushing your phone to his side of the table for him to read.
[ mark ] hey, what u up to?
[ donghyuck ] { image 1 } [ donghyuck ] wuju misses u :((
Yeah, you took it back. You really were the bringer of chaos.
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a/n: bro u don't even understand.. this has been sitting in my wip docs for like more than a year😭 but i finally forced myself to write and post something on this app that wasn't a longass smau OIHFOIWEHF anyways thank you for reading!! don't hesitate to leave a comment and rb this post if you liked it🥲
taglist: @polarisjisung @wooyoung-a @w3bqrl @ficrecnctskz @rv7hsua @n0hyuck @neosdaisy @baekhyunstruly @rum-gone-why @dinonuguaegi @alethea-moon @klovmasworld @moonchele @chernabogsbiggestfan @xxxx-23nct @maeumiluv @produmads @shwizhies @dearlyminhyung @barbkh8450t @cupid-yuno @mxnhoeuwu @haechansbbg @sehunniepot @ujisworld
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itwasntimethatdidit40 · 2 months ago
Text
It feels like hope.
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Pairing: Hot Priest!Joel Miller x f!reader, no outbreak
Words count: 5700
Rating: Strictly +18, MINORS DON’T INTERACT
Warnings: pov second person, no use of y/n, priest kink, catholic guilt, religious kink, smut, unprotected p in v (use protections IRL!), reader has breasts and vagina and hair that can be pulled and wears a shirt and a skirt, apart from that no other description is given, age is not mentioned but they’re both grown up adults and reader is only inexperienced because she grew up in a very catholic family, fingering (f receiving), oral (m receiving), sex in a rectory, hair pulling, blasphemy all over the place 💀, pussy pronouns she/her, drinking, two hits on nipples, improper use of liturgical objects, cream pie, pet names (angel, baby), reader calls him "Father" during sex, mention of hell, mention of porn videos, mention of masturbation, improper use of prayers, God named in vain, another thing that I won’t spoil... listen, this thing is filthy, probably the filthiest more immoral thing I've ever wrote, ok? If you think you can't handle it just scroll down to another story.
This is a revised version of something I had already posted and then deleted because I personally didn't like it.
It took me months to come to an end with it, I don’t know why, I’ve changed a lot of things, I’ve changed the pov, I’ve changed dynamics etc… I really really hope you will enjoy it and please be gentle with me, I really tried hard even if you would think it’s no good.
English is not my first language and I have no beta so any mistake is all my fault, I’m sorry.
Title is a Fleabag quote, specifically from our beloved hot priest “when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope”
Thanks to everyone who has shown interest in this story, thanks to those who were there from the beginning (you know who you are and I love you) and thanks to anyone who will read 🩷
(Just added a brief note at the end 😉)
It all started on a Sunday. 
You came to your neighborhood church expecting a nice function and you exited knowing you were doomed. 
That Sunday you met the new parish priest.
From the first moment you felt like something in you was compromised. 
You couldn't even explain it to yourself and you had never felt like this, it was something so unfamiliar. 
A need you’ve never felt before.
Your eyes glued to his holy form, adoring his raven curly hair, his scruff, the curve of his neck, his strong nose, plump lips, broad shoulders, thick thighs, big hands.
Courteous and kind as he greeted parishioners leaving the church, he shook your hand and you felt a jolt.
You weren’t like this before, you did things to do good to others before. But now…
Volunteering for every event, clothing drive, bake sale, children's shows. You were always there for the ride. Making excuses to talk to him.
Wondering if he had any more freckles than the ones on his neck, how warm his skin would be, how manly and intoxicating his scent would be, what his kisses would taste like, what his fingers would have felt like inside your cunt, peeking at the outline of his cock under his black pants.
A perfect Christian girl who would have make your mother proud on the outside, a raging hell of arousal on the inside.
You couldn’t believe that he was him who had awakened this new person inside you, insanely hungry, wanting, needing to taste, lick, bite. 
His low gruff voice grueling from his chest echoed against your damp inner walls so much that you were almost afraid to get up after the mass and see a stain where you were seated.
It was more and more difficult every time to fight your urge, stay on the tracks of life that you were taught to live, no sex before marriage, no masturbation because it’s a sin, no impure thoughts because you were a good girl.
Yet now you could hear them, all those voices crowding your head, pushing you towards something you had been taught was wrong.
Entering the church you were trembling, guilt pulsing in your gut.
Everything was quiet and serene, your eyes wandered on the frescoed walls, the organ, the large altar and the wooden benches neatly lined up in rows in the central nave, your steps sounded uncertain and timid on the marble floor.
You entered the confessional feeling your heart beating wildly in your chest, palms sweating and your mouth dry.
You could hear his breathing through the grate.
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned” 
The following silence weighed like never before.
“Open your heart to the Lord so He can forgive your sins”
And you had confessed. 
The words slipped from your mouth like pearls from a broken necklace, finally rolling free between your lips revealing your every sordid thought.
The girl shaped by catholic parents to be a modest virgin, mother and maid, perfect smile and delicate manners was in reality a shameful bundle of filth.
You were a sinner.
A sinner eaten out from dirty thoughts.
You told him how you couldn't stop thinking about him, how you had questioned your feelings and who you were as a person, how you hadn't spent a night without touching yourself thinking about him in many months.
You told him about your desire to kiss him and more. So much more. Everything.
Every single time you lowered your hand in your panties, every single time you squeezed your breasts, driven by instinct and desire, every single time you thought of him as Joel. Just Joel, a man.
You just wanted to let go of the weight on your chest, coming clean. If you said it all out loud you would have realized how crazy it was.
You heard the door snapping, a few heavy steps close to where you were seated, the door opening to your side.  
Suddenly he was there, standing in front of you.
He said nothing, only grabbed your arm, dragging you to the rectory.
Dust in the air danced beneath the soft light that came in from two small windows high up.
There wasn't much in the room, a cupboard where liturgical objects were kept, a table, a wardrobe where the clothes for the service were hung.
Nobody was there except the two of you, you could hear the rumble of his breathing and your heart drumming behind your rib cage.
He was staring at you. 
Your mouth sealed, a lump in your stomach.
You thought about the day he tried to teach you how to play guitar.
You were here, together, helping with the Christmas party. He was sitting strumming when you walked in, you tried not to surprise him from behind by pretending to cough and he turned to you. He didn’t stop playing as he greeted you, you told him “I didn’t know you played” and he invited you to try. As you sat down your legs were shaking, he gave you the guitar and you just stared at it, fingers uncertain and mind empty. 
“It’s not that hard” he told you and he leaned over you taking one of your hands in his and placing it on the neck of the guitar, moving your fingers over the strings “like this. Now play”
You strummed on the guitar and an unpleasant sound came out, you both laughed softly at your clumsiness and a flood of pleasure slicked your panties.
His breath on you was like a caress, you felt the minty scent grazing at your nostrils.
For a moment, just for a moment you thought, “I could turn around right now and kiss him. A few inches and my lips would be on his.”
Your desire flowed before your eyes, leaving you with nothing else to look at.
“But I can’t. I can’t.” 
You've tried to swat away that sinful thought with another strum on the guitar but nothing disappeared, instead it burned in your core even strongly than before.
You thought about that day when the rain caught you on your way to set up the bake sale, how you walked into the rectory soaked from head to toe, how he looked at your shirt stuck to your skin that left little to the imagination, how you instinctively covered yourself when you just wanted to let your arms hang at your sides and let him look at you. You saw a reaction in his eyes as he mumbled that he was going to get you a towel, just a moment before he regained his composure, and it was enough. You knew that he was not indifferent to you. That night you touched yourself imagining what it would be like if he took your shirt off, if he placed his lips on your neck, his tongue on your breast, his cock inside you.
You started to navigate on porn sites daily, out of curiosity first and then because you needed to see, you needed to imagine, you needed to visualize something so unfamiliar and strange to you. 
You were ashamed, but at the same time you couldn't help it, it was the only resource you could think of looking for and it was there, on your phone, private, no one would have known. You didn't even imagine you would find so many, a whole catalog of big dicks, huge tits, positions that your brain couldn't conceive.
Seeing those women pleasuring themselves scared you but at the same time attracted you, you wanted to be like them, you wanted to reach that pleasure, you wanted to try their way of using their hands, you wanted to refine your clumsy way of reaching that heat between your legs.
You sinked into it.
If your parents had known, if your community had known, you would have been branded an unworthy woman, a pervert, a slut.
But your parents were far away now, your whole life was somewhere else and you were proud to have freed yourself from the golden cage they had locked you in. You were an adult now, it was the moment to choose for yourself. If they hadn’t always denied you any other vision of the world, if they hadn’t forbidden you to have the experiences that everyone has in their youth, maybe it wouldn’t have happened this way.
His mouth was a thin line, tensed, you looked into his eyes and you saw nothing than dark.
So much different from the gentle detachment he had always shown to everyone, his look was a mixture of concern, agitation, maybe a hint of fear, but most of all - to your great surprise - sexual arousal.
You could see him cracking behind those eyes, you could feel his mind filling with all sorts of questions.
His voice was barely a whisper but sharp as a blade when he finally spoke “Are you even honest with that ‘I am a good christian’ thing? Say the truth”
You hesitated, the uneasiest bitter taste in your mouth.
“I-” your throat felt like atrophied “yes” you tried to say.
“No, you’re not. The least you could do is being fucking honest with Him” he raised his finger pointing it at the ceiling.
You’ve never heard him cursing before.
You looked down feeling the weight of your stomach turn to lead and then concrete and if you thought you were free now you felt even more guilty. 
You said the only thing your brain could think of at that moment and you knew what you were asking for, you knew what it would do to him and you knew that in this way you would drag him down with you. And yet you did it anyway, because desire was stronger than anything, than faith, than lies, than truth.
“I need-I need to repent. Teach me” you pleaded “teach me how to be good”
Something lit up in his gaze, like a spark of hell, a glow of lust.
He turned around and you hungrily followed his every move.
His hands moving expertly, the cupboard opening, him taking out the mass wine and pouring it into a chalice.
You saw him down the entire glass, without hesitation, without a shred of tremor.
You felt like you were watching a hurricane approaching, just waiting for the wind to suck you in without being able to do anything else.
You wanted it. You wanted it to sweep you away, to make you someone else, braver, indomitable, someone who wasn’t afraid to say what she wanted because of a belief that had been instilled in her, someone who was simply herself. 
We are all born with guilt, you told yourself. I am tired, tired of dealing with mine so much.
You just wanted to feel alive, to feel something authentic and fierce, no half measures. 
You wanted to be desired in a way that felt relentless and desperate, like air that is necessary to keep humans alive, something unique and undeniable.
Could Joel read it in your eyes? He was so good at reading people, you could tell it right away. 
He had guessed a lot about you, he had noticed how coffee was a weakness of yours - and his - and he offered you a cup first thing in every meeting.
He had noticed how nervous Danny, a parishioner who liked to play the fool with any woman present, most often in front of his wife, got you and made sure to never leave you alone with him.
He had noticed how much you enjoyed sewing and had assigned you the costumes for the play and praised your work. 
And he did the same with the guitar that day when he saw how enthusiast and curious you were about it. He didn't say it openly, but his gestures spoke for him.
He came closer to you again, bending the chalice to your mouth and said “drink”. Sharp, cold, an order.
At that point you didn’t care it was something you were not supposed to do, forbidden, maybe unholy even, you just drank. 
You were dealing with a part of yourself that always existed but you had put that in a box.
Joel looked into your eyes sternly and said: “Show me the good Christian that you think you are. Pray.”
“What?”
“Pray. Right now” 
“What prayer?” You asked, confused.
“You're not starting off well, you should know that.” He smirked, caught you in fail.
“Act of contrition” you whispered and he nodded “yes. That’s right.”
He was just inches away from you, his crucifix hanging between your bodies, grazing at your stomach. 
You began to recite in a low voice, stumbling over your words, your brain couldn’t think straight:
“O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest… all my sins because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offended Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving all my love.”
You said it dozen of times before and yet it seemed totally different in that moment. 
Joel took off his rosary, letting it dangle from his hand and swing across your chest. Beads brushed against the cotton bra you wore under your blouse, making your nipples harden, you could feel them pushing against the fabric.
“Go on”
“I- I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin. Amen”
“Take off your shirt,” he told you in a whisper.
Something shifted inside him “and your bra”
His voice was no longer the same, it came from deep within him, frighteningly authoritarian but to you it seemed like a magic instrument that was hypnotizing you.
You did what he told you. 
You were half naked in front of a man for the first time. It could have happened before, much before, but of course you couldn’t because you never got married. No one was supposed to see your body except the man you were going to take to the altar. That’s what they taught you.
Joel looked at you, entranced, almost in disbelief. You wondered how long it had been since he’d seen someone else’s naked body, what effect it had on him. 
You were more alike than you seemed, both of you denied something because of religion. 
You were both more needy and frustrated than you were allowed to admit. Tension hung in the air like a fog that clouded both of your gazes.
Every time you had talked to him you had noticed the way he looked at you but you thought it was all in your head, like you were a poor naive girl who was building castles in the air, but now you knew that wasn't the case.
It was another thing you shouldn’t have done but you prayed deep down that he wouldn’t decide to stop.
He raised his arm, clutching his rosary. You felt a slash through the air and then a sharp smack on your nipple.
You looked down shocked as the pain quickly turned into a dull pleasure rising from the pit of your tummy, to fade more and more, becoming a tingling sensation.
You liked it.
You wanted more.
He did the same at your other breast and all the breath you had left in your body had slipped past your lips in a lustful sob.
He took one of your nipples between his fingers, twisting and pinching it and you couldn’t help but moan. A sound you never made for no one and you made it first for a priest.
His body pushed you against the wall, his breath on your neck, his fingers didn't stop torturing your nipple. Everything you saw was red. Red like the passion you had never felt before, red like the blood that pulsed in your veins, red like sin.
“Kneel” he said firmly.
You were equal parts scared of making a fool of yourself and eager to try.
You knelt down, feeling the cold of the floor touch your shins. 
His eyes were as uncertain as yours, it was new territory for both of you but you saw a flame burning in him and you felt it inside you. 
His face was serious, tense, as if he was ashamed of what he was doing but couldn't contain. 
He was punishing you and punishing himself at the same time.
You weren’t afraid though, you were ready to face what was eating you up and you trusted Joel for some reason. You could see in him that he wouldn’t hurt you. At least not more than you wanted.
Your tentative fingers undid his pants, letting them sag around his ankles. A pronounced erection protruded from his boxers as his eyes almost begged you, they weren’t cruel and ruthless eyes, but rather needy and guilty.
You moved your hand closer to his crotch, hesitating for a moment before placing it there, testing the sensation, opening your fingers around it to realize how thick it was. You could feel the heat through the fabric. You caressed it, feeling the tremor that shook Joel's body. Your eyes couldn't tear themselves away, it was the first time you had seen one in person, you were amazed and attracted. You continued to caress him until you heard a grunt leave Joel’s lips and a stain wet the front of his boxers. You were struck by how much he was growing under your hand and the smell, like musk, pungent but not unpleasant.
You remembered the videos you had seen, how women did it, looking into the men's eyes lustfully, with a confidence and naturalness you had never acquired. You wanted to be like them, but you were afraid of being ridiculous or grotesque.
You slowly pulled down his boxers, gasping at the sight of his cock springing free. 
Joel had his eyes fixed on you, they were encouraging somehow, he made you feel safe but the trembling of your fingers did not stop. You took his shaft in your hand again and were surprised at how soft his skin was there, velvety. You watched that thin layer of skin retract as you moved your hand up and down like you had seen in the videos, it felt incredible. It was heavy, hot and throbbing. It was uncut. His big balls hanging right under. You ran your thumb over the tip, collecting the pre-cum that was leaking, spreading it around.
Joel was quiet, he let you do it.
He was touch starving, just like you.
You lowered your head and licked him, just with the tip of your tongue. A timid lick, like a kitten.
His taste, matching the musky scent you could smell, invaded your mouth in an instant. You had never tasted anything like it. You braced yourself, while Joel waited, and licked once more, this time starting at the base and working your way up.
Joel groaned.
You pulled away, looking into his eyes, he brought a hand to your cheek and then to your chin and took it in his palm. 
“You are so beautiful” he whispered.
And you felt beautiful, you felt like someone was really seeing you for the first time. And you loved that that someone was him.
You took a deep breath and lowered your head onto his cock, you knew you couldn't fit it all in your mouth, but you wanted to take as much as you could.
“Don’t force yourself” Joel murmured as your lips touched his skin, causing another whine.
“I want to do it” you replied resolutely, you were loving hearing him whimper beneath you.
His length slid across your tongue, wet and salty, your lips closing around it.
You closed your eyes and focused on that feeling, just holding it there, nestled inside.
“Suck it,” Joel commanded gently, bringing a hand into your hair and twining his fingers there.
You were unsure how to do it, you tried to suck it in as if you were using a large straw, with all the breath you had.
Joel flinched, almost losing his balance “Easy, baby” he muttered
You pulled away again, eyes widened “oh my god, I’m sorry” almost afraid of having hurt him but he immediately reassured you "no it's okay, just... go slower, go slower if you don't want me to come right away”
“Uh- okay” responding timidly to the smile that was spreading across his face.
You began to suck again more calmly, holding the base tightly with your hand, feeling it pulsate between your fingers and on your tongue.
It was an addictive sensation, spreading through your synapses like a drug.
Obviously you had never tried any drugs, but you imagined that the sensation might be similar to something like that.
Joel still held your head, his grip tightening as you continued, you could feel his body tense and respond, and you liked it. You liked it more than you ever liked putting on your Sunday best and going to say prayers with your parents like you always had.
There was actually a prayer that was ringing in your head and it was Joel's, who softly repeated "just like that, you're being so good to me”
It was exhilarating.
You felt like you had a true gift, for once in your life.
An obscene gift, but still.
You had the courage to run from your mom and dad and then at what felt like a minute later you found yourself there, naked from waist up, on your knees, sucking a priest cock.
You’ve never felt more alive.
Deep down you were exactly that person there, not a whore like everyone you knew would say. Just a woman, a woman who wanted what other women wanted. Sex, pleasure, being important to someone or just not being condemned to do what others wanted for you.
You continued to suck as Joel's breathing became heavier and more labored.
At that point he was just uttering disconnected phrases like “oh my God” and “Yes, go on”, his voice hoarse and scratchy.
Suddenly he started shaking violently, almost falling, as something warm and sticky hit your throat. You knew what it was and you were eager to swallow, as you had seen done in so many videos.
A little of it slipped from your lips, down your chin, onto your neck.
Joel's hand was still in your hair, it almost hurt but it was a delicious pain that you were enduring, a small punishment for the rush of adrenaline and excitement that was coursing through you.
You kept holding his cock in your mouth until you felt it relax.
“Get up,” Joel said gently, still out of breath, as he was fixing his boxers and pants.
Your knees almost gave out, you leaned against the wall feeling wetness on your panties.
Joel came closer to you, placing a hand on your cheek, pulling you into a deep kiss that left you stunned for a second and then you were more than happy to reciprocate. His tongue in your mouth explored feverishly, you wondered if he could taste himself from your lips.
He pulled out saying “I’ve never done anything like this before” and you replied “me neither.” 
And then he was on your lips again, nibbling at your lower one, placing his hand on your thigh, raising it under your skirt, up to your drenched panties, grazing them with his fingers.
You squirmed, moaning a “yes, please” from down your throat, a tingle spreading on your outer lips, in your tummy, up to your chest.
He put his hand inside your panties, brushing your skin.
“What should I do with you?” He asked, in an almost desperate tone, as if he knew he couldn't stop and was asking permission not to.
“Make me come” you pleaded “Please.”
He sighed, pulling your panties aside and sliding his index and middle fingers between your folds, gathering your wetness up to your clit, starting circling it as you writhed. 
It was different than when you did it yourself, his fingers bigger and stronger, his touch a little clumsy but still effective and intoxicating.
His mouth landed on your neck, stifling a moan, sucking a hickey where it joined your shoulders, nibbling hungrily at your skin.
“Have you ever done this before?” 
“Just…me” 
He smirked “have you ever put your fingers inside you?” 
“I- yes.” there were no point on beating around the bush, you told him that you touched yourself thinking about him. You were already deep down into that dizzy. 
“Put your fingers in me” you added immediately “I want to feel them, please Joel, I want to know what they can do to me” 
“You sure?” 
“Yes, yes.” You breathed.
He prodded at your entrance,  just a little bit, making you whine just with his fingers tip.
The rosary lay abandoned on the floor, you could see it out of the corner of your eye and you didn't care about that eyewitness symbol of what was happening between you two.
You would have liked him to put it around your neck while he fucked you, fully participating in that sinful act. 
You were surprised yourself at what you were thinking but somehow it made you even more eager.
You felt two of his fingers sink inside you, filling that void that you had never been able to fill enough on your own, stretching you. 
It hurts a little at first because they were bigger than yours, but then it was more heavenly than anything else. If you were made for anything, it was to be there in that moment.
Joel looked ecstatic “God, she’s so… wet” he whispered “and warm” His face was the representation of pleasure, lips slightly parted, his eyes wide, his pupils dilated, his heavy breathing blowing on your neck.
He began to move his fingers inside you rhythmically, each thrust making you shake and sob, a litany of “yes” coming out strangled from your mouth.
He went slowly, taking his time, as if he was savoring every second of your pussy tightening around his fingers.
He placed his other hand on your breast again, cupping and squeezing and then twisting your nipple. Big hand full of your tit.
It was beautiful. You didn’t know how or why people could deny themselves that, but you certainly wouldn’t do it again, not after having Joel inside you. He curled his fingers, looking for the right way to make you feel the pleasure you wanted, the one you kept asking for.
“You like that, baby?” He asked with an hopeful tone
“It feels so good, so good” you told him, clinging to his neck, digging your nails into his soft skin as you felt like you were losing your mind. You didn't care about losing it, your mind had ruled your life for so, so long.
“Please don’t stop” you murmured, tightening your other hand on his wrist, guiding him “don't stop”
You felt your essence slowly leaking out of you, spreading over Joel's fingers and your outer lips, you had never been so soaked, never so much as under Joel's touch.
Your eyes suddenly fixed on that little piece of white cloth that was around his neck, that little piece that made all the difference in the world and made what you were doing terribly wrong in the eyes of others and God and Joel kissed you again like a man deprived and starved, his lips trembling and dramatic, asking silently for more and more, like they were drinking from yours.
He was all over you, like a sailor through a  violent storm, he clung to whatever he could, as if it were a matter of life and death. 
Tasting him like this, the smell of his skin, his warmth, his clerical clothes rubbing against your half-naked body, made your head spin.
You moved your hand onto his collar, grasping it with your fingers, pulling it, until it came undone, you squeezed it as you came copiously, repeating Joel's name and God's, cutting off your moans, abandoning your head on Joel's shoulder.
It was all too much and yet not enough, you wished it would never end. Joel held you tight, one hand moving behind your back, as his fingers continued to sink into you. The blinding pleasure that had invaded every fiber of your body was raging like hell’s flames inside you, like a sinful but also purifying fire, wrong and right, heavenly and hellish.
And then it slowly faded, giving way to a sense of satisfaction that had never belonged to you.
You could feel his erection pressing against your thigh, hard and demanding again.
Joel grunted, pulling his fingers out of you, taking them to his lips, gathering your juices with his tongue.
“I want… I want your cock, Father” you whispered, at that point you felt greedy, delirious, drunk on sex.
His eyes widened, being called “Father” was making him even more aroused and dizzy.
You grabbed his balls from above his pants, holding your hand tightly on them “please, Joel”.
If you were going to Hell for this, you might as well go all the way.
Joel pushed you against the table on the other side of the room, making you sit on it, unzipped his pants again, pulling out his cock without hesitation, as if he had finally accepted his fate.
His fingers were big but his cock… you wondered how it would all fit inside you.
“I’ll go slowly” Joel reassured you “It will fit” he said, brushing your folds with the tip, aligning his cock with your entrance, as if he had guessed your thoughts. His eyes were blacker than ever as he prodded his shaft past through your lips.
It felt overwhelming, so big and pulsing, it hurt but you almost immediately felt a fullness that you had never felt and a sense of belonging, your pussy opened like a bud, widening and molding for him.
If you were made for anything, it was to be there in that moment.
“She’s tight, so damn tight” Joel gawked “fuck” 
You whimpered, looking at his face, so serious, pleasure written all over it and you felt like it was right, it had to be right if it was that good.
“Make me yours, Father, make me good” you pleaded. 
Joel growled as he slid in and out of you, slamming against your walls, your pussy making obscene squelching sounds every time he moved, dripping all over his cock and the table.
It didn’t even seem embarrassing to you to be so inexperienced, you both were. You didn’t know if Joel had had sex before but you guessed he hadn’t had it in a long time anyway. 
You didn't know if it was the way it was supposed to be but you felt like it was natural, not like in the videos you'd seen which were probably mostly choreographed to please the eye.
It was sex. Pure and simple. Urgent, hungry, even uncontrolled.
And the way your body reacted, melting like wax under Joel's hands, arching into his touch, bending to his will, and seeking all the friction you could get, told you that this was the right way for you.
“See?” Joel mumbled “You’re taking me so well, baby, a perfect angel for me”
You twisted your legs behind his back, pushing him against you as much as you could, kissing the exposed skin on his neck. It drove you crazy that he was still dressed, you wanted to rip off his shirt and run your hands down on him, feel his warm skin on yours so you did it. You placed your hands on both sides and you just popped every button, revealing his broad chest, feeding your eyes with every single detail and your fingers with every shape and curve.
“Never had a cock inside before but that pussy is made for mine, I swear to God she is” he started desperately rutting into you, deeper strokes every time, taking God’s name in vain, murmuring some prayers while he pounded into you. You could feel his big vein brushing at your walls, his big mushroom hammering your cervix, the most intense rapture you’ve ever felt.
He pulled at your hair, forcing you to look him in the eye, murmuring “that’s what you wanted, huh? Dragging me to hell with you?”
Your eyes filled with tears at the thought. It was true, somehow you corrupted him, but you were willing to face that just to feel something so strong. You weren’t sure about him though.
But again, he was there, right there with you, with his cock inside your cunt and you didn’t force any of it, he could say no, he could stop, but he choose the sin. Now blaming you wasn’t so saintly nor kind, but you understood why he did that. He needed to blame someone other than himself, and you were there, open arm taking the weight for him.
Your ass slid back and forth on the wood of the table with each thrust, one of his hands was on your nipple again while the other held you behind your back. He then moved to your clit, applying pressure on it, circling it with two fingers.
You looked down only to see his cock sinking between your lips, his balls bouncing and the bush of hair that adorned his groin glistening with your juices.
You could smell the sex in the air, your mingling scents becoming one, your pleasure merging and becoming one as he shot huge spurts of cum into you.
He muttered a prayer, asking God for forgiveness, his voice exhausted, hoarse, broken by orgasm.
And then you woke up.
Your room was quiet, the crucifix that your mom gave you hanging on the wall behind your bed.
It took a few seconds for your sleepy, blurry gaze to settle on it, you were sweaty and shocked.
You closed your eyes, shutting them and cursing under your breath. 
You unrolled your body from the sheets and then stood up and picked up the crucifix. Your days as a good, God-fearing girl were over.
A/n: if you don't know what is dream and what is reality in the story at this point, that's what I wanted, I hope it's not too confusing but I wanted to try something new. I hope you liked it and thanks for your time 🩷
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asclexe · 6 months ago
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⭐️ government-forced blog intro post ⭐️
(new and improved!)
welcome to marvin’s marvelous mechanical museum!
🌟⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🌟
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^ me if you even care..
art above by the one and only @pingunaa
remember 2 to do ur daily clicks for palestine
free everyone!! help some people in need!!!
fun websites masterlist
suicide hotlines
this could save your life!
kys /j <3 (KEEP YOURSELF SAFE /srs.)
hai!! hello!! hey!! what’s up!! basic info/fun stuff below the cut (very long intro soo sorry)
*flash/blink warning for the blinkies
name: asclexe formally? cameron causally, but call me whatever! no, seriously! idc! nicknames (ex: cam, ronnie, cammy, etc) are welcome! feel free to call me your pookie or your son or child or something, be creative!
⭐️gender and pronouns: i am uhhh. nonbinary i think. they/them preferred, but it/its or he/him are also fine!! i prefer gender neutral terms, but i also am more masc leaning. like im a man. but also just a person.
⭐️not specifying my age but im a minor. B cool!! internet safety!!
⭐️sexuality: aromantic asexual aplatonic lesbian dumbfuck
⭐️nationality/country: american fuck my stupid baka life (EST timezone)
⭐️ i am also white :/
⭐️star sign: leo :3
⭐️personality type: intj (also houses mtbi if u care)
⭐️religious alignment: atheist cause im god /j 💪💪
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bigots and pedos/zoos are lame and not welcome. i bite scammers. exclusively nsfw/kink blogs not welcome. im a kid. ed blogs please do not follow me because im uncomfortable with that. also don’t expect a follow back if youre over 24 cus thats weirdd
also if ur a diehard stan of anything pls think :3
dni if you’re from earth or human. aliens only blog. /j
and everyone else is welcome :3
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⭐️fandoms im most active in:
house md
doctor who (only on season 2!!)
good omens
warrior cats (on arc 5 but i don’t plan on reading them)
dungeon meshi
movies in general
+ any other fandoms i consume in the future!!
⭐️fandoms i rarely post abt but still enjoy
tbosas/the hunger games
dead poets society
six feet under
a series of unfortunate events
fnaf
she-ra/the owl house/steven universe/gravity falls/etc
bluey
barbie/monster high
doogie howser md
scott pilgrim
the amazing digital circus
the middle
stardew valley
the spiderverse
abbott elementary
aggretsuko
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i will post abt my sims occasionally :3 most posts are text posts bc im untalented
*i’m looking to get into evangelion, supernatural, hannibal, saw, and dexter 👍
i write fanfiction and poetry (i take requests feel free to hmu), i do local theater, i make pride icons (also requests hmu) i drabble in the occasional doodle, and i like baking and watching youtube and scrolling through tumblr and walking through the forest and my neighborhood and making bracelets and spending money and laying on the floor and singing and dancing and being silly and reading medical textbooks and cool novels and hanging with my irls and idk, yeah! life! carpe diem!
*also i’m trying to get into reality shifting! (im not a freak i swear)
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⭐️my fav music artists (a little all over the place:3) jack stauber, will wood, lemon demon, tally hall/miracle musical, dazey and the scouts, mommy long legs, the oozes, bear ghost, mitski, chappell roan, weezer, the smashing pumpkins, my chemical romance, laufey, liana flores, faye webster, MARINA, pearl & the oysters, queen, no doubt, slipknot, korn, mindless self indulgence, hole, some olivia rodrigo, charli xcx, some vocaloids,
i love pretty much all kinds of jazz, rock, and showtunes (except ballads. i dislike ballads)
my music taste can be described as like. neurodivergent weird kid alt rock and hot girl summer pop.
(music recs are very much welcome <33)
*taylor swift enjoyers follow at your own risk (i hate on her occasionally. i really dislike her music and she’s also not that great of a person)
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random facts about me :3
⭐️i’m left-handed (bully me for it ik im a freak)
⭐️unfortunately a theater kid :/
⭐️tall for this website
⭐️the most insufferable and annoying person ever
⭐️DOESNT BITE!! (i swear)
⭐️ i’m genetically pitch perfect but i’m awful with rhythm
⭐️favorite planet is ur mom (i ❤️ venus)
⭐️honors roll baby 🔥🔥
⭐️im most likely neurodiverse?? undiagnosed but speculated
⭐️perpetually alone only child 😔 please talk to me i love chatting with people, asks and replies preferred, dms okay <33
⭐️favorite color green. all of the shades.
⭐️i haven’t cried properly in like a year and i am not breaking my mewing streak
⭐️minorly touch/attention starved :3
⭐️single & ready to mingle!! (please don’t fucking talk to me like that im aroace and a minor )
⭐️REBLOGGING MACHINE 💪💪
⭐️i’ve never seen an episode of spongebob but saw the musical
⭐️#1 BEST XBOX SIMMER 🔥🔥
⭐️im nicer than i seem (i’m also a very negative person in general but i keep my thoughts to myself!)
⭐️i have a massive sweet tooth :3
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⭐️(new) tags guide!⭐️
*note this is a new system i’m trying out, some older posts do not apply
#asclexeposting - all original content
#camyyaps - unhinged text posts/late night eepy time posts/yapping in the tags
#cam touches grass - the rare times i go outside and touch grass and do stuff
#ask the fellows - relating to my ask blog (go follow it go do it its @ask-the-ducklings go ask stuff)
#me ask :3 - reblog of something i asked another blog
#mootie :3 - if we’re mutuals and you send me an ask i tag it with this :3
*you also get your own individual tag for asks, for example @pingunaa is ping :3 and @rubeslovesthesmiths is rubes :3, etc
#cammy’s 4 later tag :3 - stuff for later!!
#cam plays the sims :3 - my simming tag
old man doctor yaoi prompt list :3
my house md oc :3
⭐️side blogs!⭐️
@ask-the-ducklings - ask/roleplay blog 4 the house md duckligns
1/2 of @meanwhile-on-the-road, the other half is pookie @sillyhyperfixator
@house-md-referrer - house md references
@theindierockcafe - writing blog
this will be mostly reblogs of my silly mutuals/my fyp, i try to make original content often! I ❤️ REBLOGGING ART YOU SHOULD DO IT TOO!!!! hope we can get along! ask me whatever! i don’t know! be nice and respectful cause i’m a minor!
SPAM MY ASK BOX :3 create lore, send me images, ask for comfort, WHATEVER!!!! im friendly and ill answer your ask eventually.
disclaimer; i live in the us and a snowflake so im occasionally political, nothing too extreme im just scared 👍 i also don’t spoiler tag!! sorry!
if you want me to share your fundraiser; give me some time to verify you!!!! i promise im not ignoring you!!
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blinkies made in the blinkie cafe :3
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madstronaut · 9 months ago
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it is currently madstro'clock and it is FaFiCoWriYear in this house
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the original FaFiCoWriMo post feels too long to keep reblogging but I'm choking laughing right now because I decided to link it and this image above is what I see - FUCK IT WE BALL 😂😂😂😂😂😂 (truly my whole tumblr vibe)
me: gonna plug away at commenting on all the fics I’ve read lately that I love hmm should take a break 
also me: *takes break by looking for other fics to read*
I was completely taken off-guard by stumbling on this fic while mindlessly scrolling on tumblr and having it show up in my recs, so yes i live-blogged by reading even though I HAVE SO MANY OTHER DRAFTS OPEN BUT IT'S COS I END UP RE-READING CERTAIN FICS OVER AND OVER AND I KEEP FINDING NEW COMMENTS TO WRITE IM STILL THINKNIG OF COMMENTS I MISSED ON FICS I ALREADY COMMENTED ON BUT ANYWAY AHEM- 
without further ado, pls stay for the rambly thoughts, then flee in fright because of the increasing levels of unhinged commentar-
Reading: Touch-starved Nikto fic series by @keysorsomething
- "his current running theory was that you must have some form of brain damage. Perhaps you were dropped as a baby."
hehehehehehehe i swear nikto writers capture what i think would be his sense of humor with bullseye accuracy imho
- “His bright blue eyes broke through the dim lighting as if they were backlit by two LED bulbs in his skull.”
“You crack your eye open, meeting his piercing blue stare, like hot water down the back of your shirt.”
OMG TRULY THIS ENCAPSULATES THE EXPERIENCES OF BEHOLDING HIS EYES/WHAT I IMAGINE EYE CONTACT WITH NIKTO IS LIKE???
- “Maybe you could weird him out enough for him to leave you be..?”
literally held my breath reading the next few paragraphs til I read “He’s very gentle”
I don’t know what exactly it is about gentle touch but it can cut through people’s armor & walls like butter IRL and in fic and I JUST *am exploding, cannot type further*
- “His eyes looked like he was blinking on occasion, which was actually mildly upsetting because there goes your Christmas present for him.”
honestly what a thoughtful gift for the reader to get him eyedrops lmao *tell me u have a crush without telling me u have a crush, oh nothing just got you an extremely specific gift cos I noticed small details about you*
- “Did this count at fraternization?”
LMAO READER THIS MADE ME CRY LAUGHING “Im SORRy i woNT TOUCH HIM WITH TWO FINGERS AGAIN, IM SORRY I MISSED IT IN MY CONTRACT COS I WAS TOO BUSY STARING AT ALL THE $$$$-
- “I wanna know what’s up-” you pause “-man,” you tack it on, but quickly feel like you shouldn’t have. Who the fuck calls a guy like this man?
omg I am alr in love i fucking looooove awkward!readers
- trope alert trope alert trope alert STORAGE CLOSET READER? REALLY? (yes please god yes im so happy rn)
i would like to kneel before this all-powerful goofy ass awkward adorable reader who has nikto scared in a closet looking for ways out 
- “Not like that,” You correct, and he just eyes you more confusedly. “I mean, not yet..? Look,” You sigh,”
the “i mean, not yet” - like omg nikto if i was in ur shoes hearing this i would have to suppress the strong urge to immediately make out and probably fail to stopper the hearts exploding from my body (and ofc hide the involuntary boner popping maybe hello?)
- ““See you tonight,” Klaus mocks.”
i pity these fools, reader has just tamed nikto, i would beat all their asses immediately singlehandedly from the sheer high and power trip i would be on
- if someone referred to me as ‘one of the three snoopiest bitches on base’ i would get it tattooed on my collarbones probably
- ‘being called into König’s office and being scolded about fraternizing’ - thisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonigthisisaniktoficstopthirstingforkonig
- ‘His guns are neatly lined up against the wall, biggest to smallest.’
CUTECUTECUTECUTECUTECUTE omg i just know he prob has nicknames for them too
- ““Нет,” He replies firmly. He’s in more comfortable clothes, something you’ve never seen before.”
i am probably dating myself here but at the tight t-shirt and sweats description all i hear is BOWCHICKAWOWOWOWWWWW
- “Your eyes stay on him intensely as he lays down in the bed, sliding under the covers. “You are here to help us sleep,”
ok all my horniness left me (ok almost all not all of it of course not i would die) and i just felt so tender and awwwwwwww of it all, esp. the reader comparing his grip to a child with their lovie :( 
- “You see the faint, deep-brown shaping of his brows, his long eyelashes, the scar that covers the right side, but most importantly, the pale gleam of his skin in the little light.
He had washed the eyeblack off. And he had done it just for you.”
I am left speechless here; the buildup to this scene is storytelling and climactic perfection in my opinion
then i clicked on next part and it is titled “caught” and i screamed out loud lol
- “You dare to even think you want the world to melt away, for time to be this moment and this moment alone, always and forever, but should you really let him boss you around like that?”
looooooooove, totally captures that feeling when u have one of those 'time stands still/you wished time stood still' moments IRL
also YES READER WITH A SPINE/BRAIN IS ALSO MY OTHER KINK
- also as much as ive somehow developed a bizarrely unquenchable thirst for graves (do not @ me, i know, i have problems and I love it) canon graves is exactly how id imagine he’d be like in this fic esp with the constant mansplaining
- "How do you deny a masked man who’s speaking in his mother tongue?"
YOU CANT. YOU JUST CAN’T! IT’S A LAW OF NATURE. IT IS SCIENTIFIC FACT. IT IS IRREFUTABLE. IT IS ABSOLUTE TRUTH. IT IS DIVINE DOGMA. IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-
- “When you look into his eyes, you feel like he wants nothing more than to touch you, and you feel he agrees that this moment is ever so precious. But he doesn’t want to touch you. Perhaps he’s afraid, or perhaps he doesn’t like his face being touched, so he won’t touch yours. The Golden Rule and all that.”
“It’s all the best thing to ever happen in this place, and you have a feeling it’s the best thing to have ever happened to him.”
““Nikto?” You ask, voice soft and wavering, like if you speak too loud you’ll create a rip in space-time and it will have never happened.”
again i feel like someone has snipershot me to the heart with tenderness, everything about this fic and the premise just speaks to a core desire i have to create moments like this, to bypass someone’s armor and touch their heart, and be a source of healing for hurt just by the gift of our mere presence and vice versa - and have this moment and memory become an indescribable source of light and strength in dark and dreary times to be taken out and relived over and over again as needed (or is it just me that does this lol idk)  
fanfic writers never change and keep creating pls <3 ur words create worlds that inspire and brighten our IRL world <3
- i am deeply moved by the indescribable tenderness of nikto waking reader up by softly patting their cheek - this man known and infamous for his harshness and aggression - UNF
-  “As always, they are an icy blue that doesn’t match the feeling of having them on you at all. But by now they feel so much cooler than before, like a warm hug or a heated blanket instead of a hot iron.”
if you’ve known any blue-eyed folx up close i have most def seen their eye color change with emotions, sooo fascinating and hot
- ummmmm my jaw fucking dropped when i realized he leaned in…TO KISS HER? I THOUGHT HE WAS ALSO GONNA REST HIS EYES AND JUST SLEEP FOR A BIT NEXT TO HER? OMG the emotional rOLLERCOASTER THIS STORY HAS TAKEN ME ON *running to download it as we speak*
- BUT aHHHH HTHE ACTUAL SCREAM WHEN READER RUNS INTO KONIG
- omg when reader starting sniffling i just want to hug her and also go back in the room and yell at konig OMG YOU MADE OUR HIGHLY TRAINED PMC-LEVEL KILLER READER CINNAMON ROLL CRY I WILL HURT YOU SIR IDK HOW COS IM LIKE 5’2 BUT IF I HAVE TO CLIMB U LIKE A TREE TO DO SO I WILL TO GET IN YOUR FACE-
- “Who the hell can you trust? Both not to talk, but also with Nikto.” - ends up being Velikan meanwhile me busy shredding the post-it behind my back hoping/suggesting it’s dmitry bale and trying not to cry- (ignore me dmitry is my current hyper fixation)
- i wont lie i am both so heart warmed by how tender and sweet reader is for being so good at reading body language and also laughing my ass off at her having this kinda complicated conversation with velikan who does not talk, mostly growls also while typing this his name autocorrected to pelican and i cannot stop fucking laughing
- omg DMITRY REFERENCE I SCREAMED OUT LOUD (it’s like 1130pm where i am, sorry to my apt neighbors)
- also omg i am crying at this allegiance letter with sputnik, i love both how thoughtful and it is and how it highlights each member and their personality - and that the return of sputnik returned some good memories back to nikto <3, shoutout to any PTSD folx who also deal with blankouts, flashbacks, and having good memory recall be a total struggle street - i think i would openly sob if someone did for me the emotional equivalent of what velikan (and allegiance and by extension reader) did for nikto here with sputnik <3 (and now im remembering IRL times people have done this for me and now im crying omg THE POWER OF FANFIC Y’ALL)
-AH YEGOR CAMEO? MY FAVORITE UKRAINIAN OPERATOR IN ALL OF COD? (madstro, there’s only one ukrainian operat-SHUT UP I SAID MY FAVORITE UKRAINIAN OPERATOR SHOWED UP)
- also i love how Velikan is written here - “This motherfucker was going to get him put on Fatal Attractions.” i would chill and fuck with him and also probably kill for him hahaha jk or am i-
- very into this irresponsible driver yet simultaneously responsible dog dad rodion rn
- also love the small touch of velikan removing his mask to look yegor in the eye asking if krueger is dead or not
the absolute ride this fic took me on???? incredible incredible incredible this is going in my list of top favorite COD fics @keysorsomething and if i could boost this in the nikto fics tag i would but i'll mostly just be salivating here in the corner over this fic in the meantime, tyvm <3
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hisunshiine · 2 years ago
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deadass;
please please please
do NOT tell people it is “disrespectful” to post a Seokjin fanfic in December just because YOU are grieving him enlisting, i swear to god.
some people do the most performative shit, and this is top tier performative if you do this. because how is it disrespectful? like honestly, i would LOVE to hear this.  
just because YOU are grieving, does not mean the rest of the world, or fandom, has to stop for you. grieve how you like, but do not infringe on other people, do not put your techniques for grief on other people. 
if you think it is disrespectful to post a fanfic, then i hope you don’t plan on talking about him, posting pictures of him, playing his music, etc, because by your logic, those also would be “disrespectful”.
no one is telling you to read a fucking fanfic, you can scroll on past it.
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now that i have said my peace on this idiotic topic, i personally am proud of seokjin (and all of the members) for choosing to do their military service. they had to deal with some bs from the new regime and decided to take matters into their own hands and decide on what to do, and for that, i respect them and this choice.  
will i miss them? 100%, but i know they’ve worked tirelessly to create content for us while they are away and that just because i will miss them won’t change the fact that they have to go. 
why am i so nonchalant? because im from a military family as well as my best friend being in for 6 years now and stationed several states away from me and is currently tdy for the second time in the middle east, so when you deal with military service with loved ones who you know IRL, and have dealt with since birth, you understand the process a bit more and learn to be positive and not negative.
so i am going to post what i want and celebrate jin during his birthday month and if you have a problem with it, guess what, you don’t have to log into tumblr at all the whole month of december. :) 
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eating-plastic · 9 months ago
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The Best Surprises are the Spoiled Ones: Roller Ricky x Fem!Reader (SMUT)
Warnings: nsfw (obv), smut (minors and ageless blogs do not touch please and thanks), AFAB!reader, vaginal sex, unprotected sex (remember protection irl people!), creampie, praising, fluff, marriage proposal, spoiled proposal technically, very brief mentions of alcoholism and sadness from Ricky's past (poor bby), swearing, probably some grammatical errors, just the fact that this exists is a warning in itself, sorry not sorry lol
Word Count: 1885 words
A/N: I will not be taking any questions at this time. If you somehow see this on your screen, no you don't. Keep scrolling. The following is a very self indulgent Valentine's Day special because I am mentally ill. If this intrigues you for whatever reason however, then click the "read more". If not, then just forget this ever happened lol.
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Roller Ricky was never good with keeping secrets, a fact he was very much aware of. So many surprises ruined because he could never be quiet about them. And he hated it, especially when it involved you. A surprise date coming up? Whoops, he tells you about it a week beforehand. Presents you're going to get for your birthday? He'll tell you just what's underneath the wrapping paper before you get the chance to open them. He always felt bad about it, no matter how many times you told him that it was okay.
That is why he is very proud of himself that he managed to keep you in the dark about one very special secret he had for you; a little diamond secret in a velvet box he kept hidden in his bedside drawer. No, you didn't know about it, and he didn't want you to know about it until the right time. A day he had planned where it would be just you and him doing all of your favorite activities, then heading over to the roller rink to dance to the relationship mixtape he made. All ending with him finally being able to get down on one knee and ask you to be his wife.
And he was almost there. Tomorrow was the big day, and he had almost been able to not tell you anything about it.
Almost.
Ricky didn't think much when you wanted to have a little bit of "fun" that night. Especially since you being worked up never failed to get him going. He loves you and can't get enough of you. So, why not enjoy it?
And that was just what he was doing now. Lying on your shared bed, watching you with eyes full of adoration while you ride him at a steady pace. His hands occasionally wander from your waist to explore your body, from massaging your thighs to groping your breasts. God, it's almost overwhelming how much he adores you during times like this.
And why wouldn't he? He didn't like to think about many of his past sexual encounters before you, because most of them, though few and far between, happened during the lowest point in his life. Moments where he would attempt to alleviate the deep loneliness he felt, only to feel worse once it was all said and done, and at the time he honestly felt like that was what he deserved. And just like with the bottle and returning to it despite the blackouts and head splitting hangovers, he still accepted these moments of desperation when they were offered to him.
The difference between then and now was like night and day, and it wasn't just because of how he managed to turn his life around. It was also because when he closed his eyes that night, he would wake up in the morning with you sleeping peacefully beside him. Then, he would gently wake you up and watch that cute, tired smile spread across your lips as your eyes flutter open to be greeted by his handsome face. What follows would be the morning routine the two of you shared. Taking a shower together, cooking breakfast together, taking Max for his morning walk together.
And of course, the two of you would eventually part ways to do your own things, but then you would come together once more to do your shared evening routine. The day would then end, with the two of you heading to your shared bed together, to do it all over again tomorrow. And Ricky wanted that to continue to be his normal, for as long as time would allow him.
His hand moves from its place on your hip to gently caress your cheek. You breathe a pleasant sigh, and nuzzle your face into the palm of his hand. A smile spreads across your lips and you lean down to capture his own in a kiss. His hand then migrates to the back of your head to rake his fingers through your hair.
You gently rock your hips back and forth against his, taking the moment to enjoy the kiss and how full his dick made you feel. If there is one thing you can't get enough of, it's the sensation of his thick cock stretching you out.
Scratch that, you can't get enough of Ricky in general. Oh how you love him, and he is always so good to you. God, it makes pleasuring him feel amazing, and you enjoy taking the time to focus on him. Besides, it was what he deserved for always doing the same thing to you most nights.
As you begin to move yourself up and down his length again, he moans into the kiss, allowing you to slip your tongue into his mouth and greet his own. His grip on your hair tightens, and he shifts himself so that his legs are now bent and his feet are flat against the mattress. His hands find your waist once more and he bucks himself up into you.
You break the kiss to moan out in surprise at his sudden movement. Even when you want to focus on making him feel good, he can never stop himself from turning the focus on you. To Ricky, your pleasure was his pleasure, which was evident by him fucking himself upwards into your soaked core. All the while, you lay against his chest and grip his shoulders as a brace, mewling and keening right into his ear.
Your noises encourage him, egg him on to harshen the pace. And that's just what he does, thrusting into you hard and fast. He just can't help it, your moans are like music to his ears.
It doesn't take long for the two of you to approach your peaks, and like normal during this moment, Ricky always finds himself being very vocal.
"Fu-uck...'feel so good, baby...God, you're perfect," he babbles. He can't help it, your pussy is the best truth serum when it comes to his love for you.
And unfortunately for him, it was just too good.
"God, I love you...'m gonna-ah marry you...gonna make you my w-wife...make you so happy, yeah? T-take good care of you-fuck!"
With a few more thrusts up into you, your warm, velvety walls squeeze his cock like a vice, and he fills you up nice and full with his cum. Both of your bodies go limp and you cling onto each other while you come down from your highs.
Once your strength comes back, you push yourself up onto your forearms to give Ricky an exhausted smile, which he returns. You move to give him another sweet kiss, before carefully moving off of him to curl up by his side.
"Man...I love you," he breaths. It's all he can manage as his mind is still reeling. Still, it makes you giggle because of how cute it was.
"So I've been told," you jest while gently stroking his cheek. "I love you, too."
You move to rest your head against his chest, until you remember the other sweet thing he had moaned out from before.
"Did you mean it?" you ask, propping yourself up again.
"Mean what?" he asks, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"That you wanted to marry me?"
Ricky thinks for a moment, until his eyes widen and he slams a hand over his face.
"God damnit," he groaned out in frustration.
You sit up, concern evident in your eyes.
"Wha...what's wrong?" nervousness fills your voice.
He sighs, before moving to sit up too once he sees how worried you are.
"Yes...I wanna marry you, but...augh, I didn't wanna tell you like that," he shakes his head and rubs his face in annoyance at himself.
"You...you mean it?" you ask while moving your hand to his shoulder, joy beginning to bubble up within you.
"Of course I mean it. I love you, Y/N. More than anything. I love having you in my life and being able to do so much with you by my side. And I wanna have you by my side for the rest of my life....And I ruined it. God, I'm such an idiot. Augh, I'm so sor-."
You quickly cut off his self deprecating ramblings the only way you know how: With another sweet kiss. Ricky's eyes widen at that, surprise causing him to freeze up. When you pull away, you give him a dreamy smile.
"Yes," you answer, simply.
"I...what?"
"Yes, I will marry you, Ricky," you move to hold his hands in your own and squeeze them tightly.
"Wait, really? You mean it?" were you being serious? You wanted to marry him after...that?
"Of course I mean it," you giggle once more. "I told you I love you, and I mean it. I don't care how you proposed to me, because I'll happily be your wife either way."
Eventually, the look of shock on his face melts away and adoration takes over. A large smile forms on his lips and he glances away shyly.
"God, what did I do to deserve you?"
"Where do you want me to begin?" you ask, gently turning his head to face you once more. Ricky just shakes his head and throws his arms around you, pulling you into a loving embrace.
You hold him just as tight and nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck. While he does enjoy holding you in his arms, his mind makes the connection between your answer and the spoiled secret in his bedside drawer.
"Well then...I guess since you said 'yes'...," he begins, and pulls away from you. You look at him with curiosity, eager to know what he had planned next. Ricky leans over to his bedside drawer and pulls it open. You watch him dig his hand around in it for a second, before your eyes widen as he pulls out the little velvet box. "That means you can finally have this."
He holds it out to you and opens it, revealing the prettiest diamond ring you have ever seen in your life. You had never thought about your "dream ring" before, but you just knew that the one that Ricky had bought you was it for sure.
You let out an incredulous laugh, before pulling him into a tight hug once more. You don't know how long you two sat there holding each other, but even as he pulled away to slip the ring onto your finger, it still felt like it wasn't long enough.
As you both lay down and get comfortable once more, and Ricky gazes so lovingly into your eyes, he reflects on his life up until this point. He had so many wonderful things happen to him, that if you were to tell him 15 years ago that he'd have such a beautiful life, he sadly wouldn't have believed you. Hell, he probably wouldn't have thought he deserved it.
But right now, with you in his arms and an engagement ring on your finger, with Max as his best furry pal, with the great friends he has, with the awesome roller rink he runs, he's happy to see that he does deserve it all.
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feral-teeth · 9 months ago
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If we are mutuals and don’t talk anymore i still love you. If we ever talked and were not mutuals, i still love you. If we ever talked on this god-forsaken website or for gods sake, irl, i love you. If we never talked and you either reblogged or liked or just scrolled silently after reading my posts, i still love you. I still love you if you don’t follow me, dont know who i am. Im just the profile behind the screen in front of you. I still love you. I still love you if you hate me btw, but please know i only love the parts of you that secretly love me, are obsessed with what im doing, where i am.
I still love you.
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baura-bear · 1 year ago
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Welcome to newsie’s big king rant!! *cracks knuckles* i apologise for spelling mistakes or grammar innacuracies
i’ll start with AKB but i’ll do it in three parts ranging how much knowledge i have on the subject
andrew keenan bolger was born on the 16th may 1985 in detroit. he has 2 older sisters, maggie and celia ( who won a tony award for “to kill a mockingbird”!) he’s married to scott bixby since 2018 and their relationship is so nice and wholesome it’s so cute.
HES 5’4. IM 5’5. it’s so funny to think he’s shorter than me but whatever 😭😭
his first broadway role was in the OBC of seussical as alternate Jojo in 2000-2001 of which he did ONE broadway show then got kicked coz he hit puberty LMFAO poor 15 year old andrew
he then went on to be robertson ay in mary poppins THEN went in a woekshop for newsies and papermill and broadway( fun fact i think he’s the only actor who stayed in the same role for the workshop, papermill then obc of newsies )
during newsies he got a lot of fans which honestly yeah real but in march 2013 he left newsies to begin rehersing for tuck everlasting which didn’t make it until 2016 bc there wasn’t a suitable theatre for a transfer to broadway yet ( another fun fact if it had stayed in the realm of 2013 sadie sink would have played winnie instead of sarah charles lewis )
then in 2017 he was in kris kringle the musical playing kris kringle and in 2021 he was in seven deadly sins the off broadway musical playing phillipe
in september ( not sure if going ahead due to sag aftra ) he’s gonna star in “dracula a comedy of terrors” which seems very fun!! he posted a rlly funny photo of him wearing vampire teeth
ok other things than theatre he’s done i’m so sorry gang
so in 1997 he was chip’s singing voice in that lovely enchanted christmas beauty and the beast spinoff which i watched ALL OF IT just to find he’s in ONE FUCKING SONG and he’s only in the credits ONCE
( however tim curry is in it and he’s a fat smash so 🤷🏻‍♀️ )
he was in this show called looking in 2014 don’t watch it if ur under 18 i’m fucking traumatised from it don’t curse yourself with that PLEASE GOD DONT SEARCH ANDREW KEENAN ON GIFS EITHER
he had like a miniseries called ‘submissions only’ which also performed at 54 below
he has a podcast called ‘that sounds right’ which is SO FUCKING FUNNY PLEASE GO LISTEN TO IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH
OH SHIT YEAH HE WAS ALSO IN ( these are all like regional theatre ?? )
high school musical as ryan
perez hilton saves the universe…😬 as a shit ton of different ppl
LITTLE SHOP AS SEYMOUR!!!!!
a really funny parody video called ‘sherlock the musical” it’s so funny bc my irl friend robin thinks he looks like martin freeman
OTHER THINGS I JUST LIKE ABOUT HIM
he’s not afraid to post whatever on his socials 💀 like i’ll be scrolling and that one pic of him licking the screen is there and i’m like 😀 ok andrew
hes really funny
hes honest and open about not being the best dancer which is so real ( so he showed up to newsies to audition and , in his own words , apparently the directors thought he was a good enough dancer to play a boy with a crutch BAHHAHA WHICH IS SO RELATABLE OH MY HOD )
i think that’s it!! please enjoy i’m soo tired i’ll do some more ranting soon :3
thank you for all the knowledge! fun fact: I saw Celia perform in TKAM (very good) and my grandma used to baby sit Jeff Daniels' (Atticus) cousin because they grew up in the same town
also the note about his lack of dancing skills reminded me of his old youtube videos and one video he was talking about an audition he botched (there was basketball choreo he was supposed to learn) and instead, because he didn't know what to do, he just put the basketball in his shirt and pretended to be pregnant??? hey directors like a strong acting choice and he delivered.
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playing-with-dax · 8 months ago
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Hey I know your slowing down posts here cause of IRL stuff, but I just want to say I lowkey love this blog. So glad I found it while scrolling through tags, your writing is top notch tbh.
I really wanna draw dax fanart, but I suck at drawing males/masc bodies lol.
Sorry if this comes off as weird, I just really like this blog haha.
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Bruh 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Thank you so much!!???! I'm so glad you're here and that you like my writing 🥺
Oh my god I would be so honored to see fanart holy shit. Everyone has full permission to draw my characters but please please let me see it if you do 👀
I'm gonna ramble a little about the "I suck at drawing x" feeling because I relate so much. BUT! I started this blog literally last month because I was like "I'm really not comfortable with drawing anatomy. When I want to draw for fun I often avoid it because the ideas I have involve bodies so I just...don't"
And that's no fun.
So I started this blog for myself so I could play with my OCs and have motivation to practice. I really didn't expect much engagement at all lol. I'm still not amazing at drawing bodies and that's ok! I can see how much I'm improving by drawing more often and that's really encouraging.
I had barely drawn faces/bodies at all before starting this. And I had never written any sort of fic/short story, much less a spicy one. But here we are and I'm like ???? People like what I'm making?????
Anyway, if you want to do something you should! It doesn't have to be "good", but allowing yourself to suck at something a little is the way you build skill 💚
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starlight-write · 1 year ago
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🔥🧠Welcome to Braindump Central™🧠🔥
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❤️ Welcome to my own personal Hell! ❤️ Here is where I store all my weird thoughts and writing projects that would have my neurodivergent ass shunned by my friends and family if revealed to the real world.
Originally, this blog was meant solely for writing tk fics (tw btw!). And while that is still our primary focus here, you can also find some regular-ass fanfics on my AO3 account, (which will be revealed soon enough) as well as sleep deprived ramblings, a shit ton of reblogs, and all sorts of other nonsensical shit.
The current annual hyperfixation that haunts my every waking moment is Hazbin Hotel, if that wasn't already obvious enough. So most of what I write will revolve around that.
Other fandoms I will write for are My Hero Academia, The Amazing Digital Circus, and The Owl House. (I live under a rock and don't know much else.)
Requests are Open and here are The Rules™!!!!
1.) Story Prompts, Character Headcannons, Character Pairings and similar ideas are all free game. (Also if you just want to talk, please I'm so lonely.)
1.5.) Requests aren't limited to fandom or tk fics! I love a good challenge so if you got a good prompt you wanna hit me with, I'm all ears!
2.) Obviously, I reserve the right to deny any requests if I can't vibe with it but don't think that means I appreciate your inputs any less!
3.) I will not write anything NSFW. (Dude, there are children here!)
4.) Requests will NOT be answered in a timely manner as I have the time management skills of a narcoleptic seahorse and run off of hyperfixation and spite alone.
5.) I'm not comfortable writing anyone's OCs for fandom fics, sorry.
6.) Keep it silly. Keep it fun. Don't be an asshole.
About the Author: (over sharing)
Here's some personal details about me that I feel like have a significant affect on my perception of reality and therefore my writing as a whole.
First things first, my irl pronouns are she/her. But let's be real, we're on Tumblr so call me whatever you want. Get creative with it.
I'm a 21y/o software engineering student diagnosed ADHD. (I keep praying to God but he's not answering) But y'know, that double homicide clearly wasn't enough and I got nerfed with a chaotic and relatively unstable living situation so if I go ghost for a hot minute that's probably why.
I identify myself as a sapphic-oriented AroAce abomination who ironically, is in a happy relationship with a man... (It was an accident I swear!) I'm just as confused as you are don't worry. So needless to say the pairings I write are going to be affected by that aroace lens but hey, if you're like me and enjoy exploring platonic dynamics a lot more then you've come to the right place!
Your girl also has a condition known as Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (MaDD), as if my pea-brain wasn't screwed enough already. Pretty self explanatory, basically means I have this dumbass condition where I have to disassociate into my fantasy worlds for hours and hours on end instead of actually contributing to society. Fun, right? I mention this not only to spread a little awareness but also to *cite my sources* in a way. Pretty sure it's forced me to become a better writer in a way, too. So it's not all bad ig.
If you want any more personal information out of me you either gotta hunt down my FBI agent or fill out my friendship criteria form on Github.
Now scroll and enjoy yourself.
Also if I get one more dm blasting me for the badges I probably won't do anything but IT WAS FOR THE BIT!!!!
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hellativity · 1 year ago
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lol i have been chronically online and wanna rant about some stupid shit i have seen. i will probably say something problematic in here <3 dont worry about it
do you ever see people making up discourse about different ways to be queer and like. maybe they are right idk. but also please log off and hang out with some queer people irl and maybe we actually dont need to play "who has it worse" "who can talk about these issues" identity politics with every different possible combo of pronouns/gender presentation/gender identity.
ok up next i keep getting "modest girl" instagram reels and it's so funny bc most of them are just. normal girls in cute outfits that i would probably wear too. but they are making such a big deal about their Modesty Journey pls chill
the amount of tradwife content i get...... not good. not good at all. and like i love homemakers! that's what my mom did for most of my life! but instagram influencer homemakers??? not it. they have always got some shit to say about their husbands not wanting them to have a job or they don't need a college education or God wanted me to get married at 18. you're allowed to do these things if you want idc but the more this stuff is normalized (ie 60 yrs ago or whatever. also less than 60 years ago.) the more women get trapped in abusive relationships because they don't have a savings account or a path to independence. your individual choices are not setting back feminism but you #tradwife content totally is
last night i got this video about a girl snacking on butter and i was like. wow i hate that. so i looked at her account and she only eats meat?? like? "I don't eat plants" what the fuck., anyway. then instagram showed me lots of other types of disordered eating influencers. yikes!
oh idk i also dont like "girl math" or the word "girlypop" or whatever. it almost feels like we finally made it from "im not like other girls" to "sometimes i am like other girls which rocks bc i love girls" and then took it too far to some kind of weird "i am stupid i am a woman divine feminine" situation? idk i see people posting about this, i'll reblog if i see someone phrase this in a way that makes sense
oh my god and the comments sections???? SO many people have GOT to learn to just scroll past. like if you see a teenager being awkward or "cringe" or wearing a bad outfit. can you just leave them alone? like just keep scrolling. people are so mean? and for what? so other people will like their mean comments. i hate it so much.
man i am just. scrolling and i hate it. and i know the algorithm is showing me things i hate even more bc i look at them. awful.
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