#invincible-selfmade-punk

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I wrote this post in 2017, and it is just as true today!!

Just got wished Happy Edge Day by a very old friend on Facebook.  It’s not something I talk about everyday anymore and it’s so amazing that people still know I am and always will be.

You can’t kill integrity

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Truth or Fan Fiction

“Which of these HU quotes are true, which came from fics? @summernyx   @alpha-3-tears @rokkoundead  @thekittenpopper @bitchgivememymedicine  @dillyduzit  @johnny3undead Add your own if you are tagged and we’ll try to guess what is fact and what is fan fiction.

“Blowing producers has helped me, that’s for sure.”  J3T “I’ve never hit anyone in my life. And I don’t plan on it.”  Dylan

“Yeah I go online sometimes.  What else are you going to do when it’s 2 am and you’re coked up?”  J3T

”We’re gonna start selling my hair at the shows.”  DaKurlzz

“King Kong Tequila, would you drink it?” “Dude I would even eat your worm!”  Dylan and Danny.

“I’ve seen Dylan’s cock so many times, every time I barbecue summer sausage I have to call my therapist.”  Charlie Scene

“And then we started smoking our own crack ad doing trannies.”  J3T

“Dakurlzz is so hung over his hair is even crazier than usual.”  J-Dog

“Johnny3 Tears�� ass is pansexual.  Deuce fell in and now he’s singing to all the butterflies in Johnny’s stomach and giving him gas.  That’s why Johnny is always in a bad mood.”  Dylan

”I started writing song with him because I really liked him and then I found out about American Idol and I was like ‘What’s thedeal, bro?’”  J3T

“Yeah whatever.  You roll over every night and kick me in the shins.”

“I can’t help it if I’m dreaming I’m David Beckham.”   J3T and Charlie

“That’s back when we were pulling guns on everybody.  Soemtimes you just gotta cap a motherfucker, bro.”   J3T

”J-Dog’s not that far from being a degenerate. He doesn’t know how to operate a car.” Dakurlzz

  “And what is this, Motel 6?  Like an actual Motel 6 and not a Motel 6 knock off like Motel Cinco or some shit?”  Charlie Scene

“When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was be in a gang.”  JDo

“Johnny doesn’t have any hobbies because all his money goes for drugs.”  JDog

“I used to have it long but then I went through a break up, ha d a nervous breakdown and cut it all off.”  Dakurlzz

“It was a little hard for Deuce to keep talking shit with ten broken fingers.”  J3T

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Small World

@thekittenpopper   @butterflyinthewell This is kinda for you and kinda just a general post musing at life and the world.   With the new Deuce and HU albums, I’ve been thinking a lot about the last few years of my life and how everything impacts everything else.  How the smallest thing will interconnect our lives forever.    I met one of my best friends on here b/c at the time we were the only two people I knew tagging Deuce stuff.    We started talking about Deuce, then art.  Then we started talking all the time.  We started to do role plays with OC’s and I began to notice that this person's characters were all obviously autistic.  When I mentioned it, they seemed really upset and finally said “Well I guess it’s because I’m autistic.  I never wanted you to know, I tried to hide it as best I could”.   That boggled my mind.  “Why would you hide that?”  I asked.  and the reply was “I didn’t want you to hate me.” I was stunned.  Because that was the last thing on my mind.  I thought it was brilliant that these characters were autistic.and that it had been crafted ito the storylines.   Later on, I also found out this person was trying to transition.  They said something about wanting top surgery and I said  “It’s your body and if that is what is going to make you comfortable, then do it.  Absolutely, there is nothing wrong with it.” Apparently, I was the only person in the world that had ever said anything encouraging or along those lines to my friend.  From that moment on there was a bond between us, stronger than anything or any relationship I’d had in my life in years.

In turn, they brainwashed me into leaving my abusive hsuband.  And I use that word because  it had to be like that because he had brainwashed me to think I was weak, powerless, unable to ever care for myself and unable /not worth to ever be loved by anyone else.    This person is part of the reason I am still alive.

   We ended up spending the summer together and it was not easy because I had never been around an autistic person before.  It was also hard because  I saw how this person was conditioned to behave with and around a borderline abusive parent, and how they blossomed and became a totally new creature with me, given unconditional love and freedom, only to have to watch them go back in their shell once I had to return them home.  Before I made the cross-country trip to see them and take them back home with me, they had laid it out to me with brutal honesty, and I was prepared.  It was the best summer of my life.  It changed me forever. Fast forward two years. I am now in my second year teaching and I have an autistic student that I love with all my heart.   He is kind, funny and brilliant beyond his years.  I attended my first ARD meeting with school officials and his family a month ago and his Mom and Grandma came up and said “Are you Miss _____?  We just had to meet you, you are all he talks about.  You are his favorite teacher and he just says “She gets me like no one else does”  And again I knew we were going to change each other's lives.

But I could not have changed his without understanding autism (and I am no expert there is still so much to learn), I could not have understood autism without meeting my friend, and I would have never ever met that fan/friend/bestfriend/platonic soulmate, had it not been for Deuce.  

I am sitting here drinking my coffee, thinking about what a small world it really is 

Weak or strong, not just a song We sing along when things go wrong You will need me when you fall And I will need you when I'm wrong Tears lead me on They let me lead you so far Weak or strong, I'll hold your arm

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George:   *eating everything in sight while simultaneously complaining about the food* @bitchgivememymedicine I want this on my tombstone.    I have thought of nothing else for the last 8 hours!  hahahahahahaha,  I’m stealing this for my next fic.  I’m gonna be in the middle of class and suddenly get a big goofy grin on my face and the students are going to think I’m insane. Last year on the Deuce Nation street team, there was this joke going around (which I started of course, b/c I’m funny as hell) that Yee was short for Yeehaw and he was actually a farmer somewhere and the reason the album  wasn’t out was because he was too busy raising cows to cover the cost of production.  Then someone added that he and Yuma were probably out in the pasture trying to sing them sexy songs to get them to mate so he could have more cows to sell:  “ooh milk cow, ya lookin’ real fancy, come & sit on Deuce's lap, I got free cow treats!”  (let that mental image sink in)

  I woke up the day of state standardized testing and someone had posted a video of one of his songs, only with banjo music playing instead.    I wasn’t expecting it and just thought it was a regular video and I laughed so hard I nearly died.   All through testing I would remember it and start cracking up, but I had to be quiet b/c our testing is super regimented....like they are fucking nazis when it comes to that shit here, we’re patted down, not allowed phones or computers on campus etc.   So after the test, the kids kept asking  “Miss!!  Why were you grinning at us all through the test??”  And I had to lie and say “Because I was so proud of you and knew you were gonna do so good on the test!!”

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Deuce - Here I Come (Official Video)

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Weeds

I’m so  glad that part of my life is over: the needing, the wanting, the pleading for I choked it off until it died, that purple flower of desire with thorns and stems green as jealousy that grew wild and untethered and wrapped it’s vines around my heart What glory is there in emptiness so beautiful to look upon what I once craved and feel nohting at all

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Shout out to @3eyeswidenlooking and @thepowerofarsky for all the reblogs!!

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I HOPE CM PUNK HAD A GOOD EDGE DAY

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Here I Come

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Have you ever been on a long trip?

A long, adventurous trip that took longer than you expected? Your bags got lost You got lost You had to try new food You met new people, knowing you’d soon forget them  but you met them nonetheless because in the moment you were so free and happy You stayed up too late watched the sunrise over a strange skyline and you saw things that scrambled your brain the way seeing things for the very first time will always do You wanted to stay on  that trip forever Until the minute you didn’t You were tired, you were getting left behind a lot you couldn’t keep up with the rest of the revelers Too much wine caffeine elation And as you returned to your street You could almost smell the familiar smell of your room, cozy and private and feel the softness of your bed, the way it remembers your curves and your weight and adjusts just to embrace you. You were so happy to go on this journey You regret nothing at all But my god it’s so good to finally be home  and you just never realized  How good it was going to feel Until you opened your door and stepped inside. Maybe there were people waiting to greet you and  hug you close Maybe you simply returned home alone to your solitude. I really hope that’s what death is like: a kind, familiar place warm and soothing beckoning you back to where it all began before the adventure engulfed you  and lead you so far away I want it to be my welcome home when my adventure is over.

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(via https://open.spotify.com/album/1HOYHUBCNhnwfFMaKbFgnC)

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World Mental Health Day

Suicidal from age 13 to age 22 Self Harm from age 13-30 Agoraphobia, that, at its peak, was so bad I could not leave my house, could not get out of my car at times At least 3 serious breakdowns I was never able to get help for because to be hospitalized was a luxury I did not have, I had to work or be homelesss

Survived an abusive childhood and an abusive marriage Lived through 3 suicides in my immediate family And just started therapy this year, which, along with leaving my husband, was the bravest thing I’ve ever done. And the person who has been right by mys side for most of this is @elderberriesandarsenic, so thank you! “1000 glory suicide thoughts later and I am still here”   Henry Rollins This is the ccloses thign to selfie ya’ll filthy animals are gonna get:  

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Another great night of discourse

Thanks to  @may-vi @summernyx @bitchgivememymedicine Thank you and goodnight