#introspective fox is introspective

[fanflames]

" You must excuse my curiosity in matters like these; there is little opportunity for any citizen in Belobog to dream of the stars and travel to make such a reality but... do you do this often? Venture into the unknown, utterly unaware of what perils might await you there? ⸺ I imagine it to be terribly daunting, no matter the routine. " as a military leader first & everything else second, she certainly would know; how various agonies & anxieties would never wane, no matter how much of a second nature the battle for survival would ultimately become. Nevertheless, her thoughts & emotions tied therein are a secret she keeps, offering amicassador a gentle smile instead, attention flickering towards documents in front of her instead for a moment ere fixating other's gaze once again. " That said, allow me to properly welcome you to the City of Everwinter, Lady Tingyun. "

AN UNEXPECTED LETTER, for @zajevre .

        she had to admit that it was a bit nervewracking coming here by herself.  especially after the crisis on the luofu,  it was a miracle that yukong  (  begrudgingly  )  allowed her to head this mission.  there was little information on jarilo-vi to brief herself on;  tingyun knew of the snowy plains and she knew only one city inhabited the world.  fragments of intel like this was gleaned from the careless ramblings of march 7th and stelle.  despite this,  it was surprising to see just how empty and just how frigid this place truly was.

        their circumspective nature was more than understandable.  this was not the first government to hesitate in matters of commerce and it would not be the last.  however,  she more than appreciated the welcome that the madam guardian herself set for her.  within belobog's frosty roads there was warmth to be found in their culture,  remarkably formal and reserved but otherwise polite even towards a newcomer such as herself.  guards galore were stationed at all sides of her as she navigated her first days here.  a timely audience with the illustrious bronya rand was a greatly appreciated perk,  as well.

        clawed hands cradled the tea cup offered to her upon her arrival.  the steam radiating off of liquid's surface was welcomed in earnest,  its ghost leaving behind wafts of something herbal and floral.  a long,  generous sip filled her chest with a much needed warmth.  a relieved sigh,  then came the guardian's burning questions.

        "  you must excuse my curiosity in matters like these;  there is little opportunity for any citizen in belobog to dream of the stars and travel to make such a reality but...  do you do this often?  venture into the unknown,  utterly unaware of what perils might await you there?   ⸺   i imagine it to be terribly daunting,  no matter the routine.  "  bronya's speech was remarkably formal and calculated in a way that was to be expected of a political leader.  an even rhythm,  careful anunciation,  and virtually no tonal fluxes to be heard.  any diplomat would be truly impressed by the tact in which she expressed herself.  

        though   ...  somebody as practiced as herself in the art of perception would notice that this question was outside the realms of business.  interesting,  but not something she felt the need to dwell on.  tingyun smiled and replied back with similar tact.  "  please,  i don't mind at all!  it's truly an honor to be sat before the madam guardian herself in the first place,  let alone to have her interested in my adventures.  to answer your question:  yes,  i make trips to other planets quite frequently.  though,  it has been a while since i've gone to a new planet.  helm master yukong,  my superior,  has been apprehensive of sending me out after our own stellaron dilemma,  so it is incredibly exciting to be out in the galaxy again! "

        her rambling came to a natural close as she took the opportunity to sip tea once more,  the brew notably cooler than her first sip.  even the office was colder than what she was used to out on the luofu.  lashes fluttered from cup to companion   ⸺   she noted the soft,  unwavering smile upon bronya's features as her eyes smoothed over the endless documents that bordered her desk.  a fine desk it was,  large with rather sturdy construction from what she could tell.  a subtle nod guided her gaze back to tingyun's.

        "  ...  that said,  allow me to properly welcome you to the city of everwinter,  lady tingyun.  "  bronya graciously said.  she noted that her tone became the slightest bit colder,  not out of malice but out of scripted obligation.  

        the foxian's line of sight gravitated towards the grand,  open window at their left.  from here she could see the buildings of the city,  the vendors' booths,  the trollies,  and the people who have spent their entire lives in this city.  she thought of how they would never live to see this planet dethawed and flourishing.  for a moment,  tingyun thought of how perhaps she might if this all worked out.  what an oddly sobering thought.

        it was as she said,  though.  jarilo-vi truly was unique in every way.  with somebody so young and bright at it's helm taking initiative the way bronya rand has,  even an outsider could find inspiration in her vision.  tingyun turned back to her companion and smiled warmly.  left fist met right palm in the luofu's traditional greeting.   "  and allow me to thank you,  madam guardian,  for your exceptional hospitality.  i am thrilled to experience your beautiful city for the first time.  let the relationship between our homes flourish under your leadership.  "

[azure-firecracker]

Caught on Tape

Summary: One late night at the office, Scully finds some strange tapes buried in the bottom of Mulder's desk. What she finds could fundamentally alter the way she views her partner - and their relationship.

Or: Mulder made tapes for Scully while she was abducted. One night she finds them.

Look, I may be in Season 4, but I will always mentally be in Season 2. The abduction arc is so dear to me, and means so much for both characters.

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 4,044

TW/CW: Suicidal ideation, near-suicide attempt, references to abduction.

Read on Ao3

HUGE thanks to @theswisscheeserag for beta-ing this one. This fic was a struggle, and she really saved it from succumbing to all of my bad writing habits, so y’all have her to thank for that.

Tagging @today-in-fic :)

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

What if I was insane again about the first thing Alpha Grim Sonic hearing when Nine creates him is his purpose—that he is Nine's friend?

Friendship as a concept in Prime is handled interestingly among its main characters. As Sonic (who thinks he knows a lot about friendship) comes to deepen his understanding of what it means to have a home/be home, I think it's safe to say his definition of friendship develops along with it. Compare this to Nine, who's learned everything he knows about "friendship" and personal relationships in general through his relationship with Sonic (at least, after his childhood of bullying).

So of course I think about Nine, who never wants to be hurt again, yet can no longer bear feeling alone (not after feeling that sense of companionship and belonging with someone else), which results in him creating a warped version of friendship for himself (one where he is surrounded by people, but people who only do whatever he wants, who have no opinions and thoughts of their own, who can't backstab him). And so I think about Alpha Grim Sonic, who is the very first robot Nine creates under this idea of frienship and companionship.

Nine is his master, and Alpha Grim Sonic is his protector, his bodyguard, his weapon

But he's also his friend.

Alpha Grim Sonic doesn’t talk back (can't even if he wanted to), but his purpose has always been clear to him: be Nine's friend. That's what he was created to be.

So I imagine Alpha Grim Sonic performing his purpose to the T at first under Nine's framework. He's Nine's friend, so he does whatever Nine commands, he never talks back or challenges authority, he protects Nine at all cost. And then, perhaps unbeknownst to Nine, he begins to shift ever so gradually. Sure, he's never insubordinate, he never offers up opinions, he still can't speak, but the lines of devotion begin to blur.

Is it in his code? Is out of a real sense of feeling?

Alpha Grim Sonic does not understand friendship, no matter whether it believes it does or not. But it's ironic to me if, despite being created under Nine's warped idea of it, the robot slowly grows their own soul, witnesses other displays of frienship and care, and drifts outside the bounds of that idea (a carefully crafted painting begins to leak out of its frame, expanding the masterpiece). They protect Nine, they do only what he commands, and yet they hate to see Nine in pain, they wish to bring Nine comfort (and so it feels good to him when Nine commands him to do such things that might bring his master comfort).

Does this make any sense? To believe that friendship means to hold one person on a pedestal, to protect them, to only listen to them, to never talk back, to never have opinions, and yet, despite believing what your creator tells you of friendship with them (your very purpose in this existence), to slowly fall further into those feelings that true care and love for another person brings, to wish to comfort someone the way one might describe a true friend would, despite not realizing any of this.

[affectionatelyrs]

Help Me Hold On to You

RWRB | T | 3.2k | One Shot

Tags - Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Panic Attacks, Introspection

Summary

“I can’t do this all the time, Alex,” Henry huffs out, arms crossed from the opposite end of the couch. “I’ve been more than happy to help, and I’ve been doing so as much as I can, but we need to talk about it. It’s been…a lot for me.” Too much. Henry doesn’t say it directly, but it’s the undercurrent of his words. Two words that Alex has heard many times in his life, over and over again until they became permanently pressed into his eyelids like a brand, reminding him of his state of being every time he so much as blinks.

Or, Henry isn't always able to give Alex the help he needs, which sends Alex into a spiral, but they'll always find a way to work things out together

It's here! :) This was very cathartic to write and what started as me just needing to put words on to a page turned into a fic that I'm like.... actually extremely proud of; it's so personal and important to me and I truly hope that y'all love it too

[tails-boogie-board]

more deaged!baby tails, bc I love him. So far this takes place after Amy but idk more than that

--

It was odd.

This Tails was small. He barely came up to his knees and half of him was just his tails alone. Seeing him him from a distance and Sonic's rushed explanation didn't prepare him at all.

"Where's Sonic?"

Tails looked behind him, after a few seconds, he turned back and shrugged.

Knuckles rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. He hadn't interacted with Tails much as a little kid. He was too busy kicking Sonic off Angel Island, and making sure the fox went with him.

"Did you take a plane?" Tails nodded and pointed somewhere in the distance. He made no move to go to said plane.

It wasn't like Sonic to ditch Tails, or for Tails not to catch up. Knuckles eyed the kid, he didn't look hurt or even worried. It wasn't odd for them to split, but without a specific goal and with Tails...small, it was-

Unless Sonic thought he would find something dangerous. And whatever trouble he found would inevitably end up his problem.

And now he was running around unchecked on his island. Knuckles sighed, unfolding his arms.

"He'll show up." Knuckles encouraged, before turning on his heel. The Master Emerald always ended up in the middle of things and just because Knuckles wasn't sensing any danger didn't mean there wasn't any.

He expected footsteps for follow, but it still settled something in his shoulders.

--

One-two-half step, one-two-half step, one-two-half step

Knuckles slowed down, just a little.

One-two, one-two, one-two

--

Looking at the wall, Knuckles looked at Tails and roughly gestured up.

"Stay close, I'm taking a shortcut," He smirked, "I doubt Sonic knows."

Tails took to the air, gigging with big big eyes. He hovered close as Knuckles started to climb. There was a passage through the cliff, dug into the rock by his ancestors long past; it was sheltered under a fallen tree, awkward on a good day, let alone from the air.

"Okay you first, it's a straight path." The tunnel ended in a few old ruins, right near the Alter.

Tails hesitated and moved closer. Knuckles moved to the left to give him room, but the kit didn't move. He glanced over at him and Knuckles was suddenly reminded of the chao.

"Hey," he offered, "I'll be right behind you." Tails looked at Knuckles for a long second. He nodded roughly, brow set, cheeks puffing out.

It was a good call too because the kid needed a hand.

Two spin dashes later and they arrived in the clearing. Knuckles unrolled easily but Tails kept going and hit a tree, falling out of his ball.

Knuckles only took two steps before the little fox popped back up, unharmed. He met knuckles gaze and shot him a thumbs up and a grin.

Knuckles shook his head. The sooner they found Sonic -or when Sonic found them with trouble on his heels, the better.

"Come on, we're almost there." He gestured to the top of Alter above the treetops and took off running. Behind him, the kid instantly to the air.

Tails had Sonic's grin and as the kit shot past him towards the Alter, Knuckles didn't know why he was surprised.

[lindewyrm]

It makes me sad that I often abandon social media when my art isn't perceived but also if no one sees it why share it (on the internet)? I am an oc artist primarily, I draw for the little guys in my head because if I don't who will

Oh also made that watermark btw

[nazorneku]

𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐧, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞 ?

behind the mask you aren’t slick about whatever you think you’re hiding. glass shatters in your midst, blood spills, children scream. like some of your friends, your personality of choice is entirely artificial. the difference between you and them is that you can get away with it. you’re unknown, perhaps even to yourself, and your goals are complex and unknown. anyone stupid enough to fall for you is setting themselves up to be frustrated and confused, owing to your being ultimately unknowable. i hope you can find an identity that makes you comfortable.

cauterizing rage the house has burned around you, and you’re the only one left standing. is it gratifying to be the survivor? fear and anger are weapons in your capable hands, used only to serve your agenda of fighting back when deemed necessary. you're a powerful person, built from the ashes of your despair and your family's mistakes. with time, you'll bloom into someone softer, like the full blossoms that grow each spring and wither away with the leaves in fall. they won't disappear if you take your eyes off of them. you're enough.

fractured glass no amount of orchestrated class is ever going to hide the fact that you’re doomed to be alone. you’re a puppet, you’re a weapon, but most importantly? you’re a fraud. your facade isn’t malicious, but that doesn’t change a thing. everything in your life is in your control now, and you chose to let yourself become stiff and distant. you’re guilty of everything you blame yourself for, and your misfortune is the fault of nobody but yourself. your selfish nature forges you into a man-made monster, so quick to blame and so desperate to escape consequence. i hope that you can become someone you’re proud of soon.

tagged by: @imarahuyo tagging: @oniriqe (that fake ass blond man), @songcursed , @strfe , @scarletrotted , @endweapon , @box-of-characters (Takumi or Cornel), @zajevre , @dexteracaeli (thunder boi), @withsorrowandregret (Hamel or Zoya), @mycsotis (Saya)

[yellow-speedster]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types, Sonic Prime (Cartoon 2022) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sonic the Hedgehog & Nine, Miles "Tails" Prower & Sonic the Hedgehog Characters: Nine (Sonic Prime), Miles "Tails" Prower, Sonic the Hedgehog Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Introspection, Character Study, Nine needs a hug and a hell of a lot of other things, maybe hes found them, wrote this in a fugue state after binging all of Prime the day it aired, Screen Reader Friendly, Screen Reader Compatible, also im making the assumption that Nine still has the same name as Tails, only their nicknames are different, oh yeah there might be spoilers in here if you haven't watched prime, but its mostly vague and alluded too tbh, Referenced Bullying, Implied/Referenced Abuse Summary:

Years of familiar experiences had sharped Nine into the person he is, honed all his pointed edges till they could draw blood. And yet all it takes to start sanding them down again is one wholly out of place hedgehog.

Or, a brief look into the landscape of Nine's head after a certain blue blur dashes into his life, and shakes apart what Nine thought he knew.

[unusual-uraniidae]

Trying something new today! I’m in love with my tarot deck and thought I might take a daily photo of whatever I pull. I’ll always take pictures of the cards in their upright position (even if I pull them reversed) and I won’t explain what my question was because that’s what my journal is for, but I think this could still be fun 🥰

This deck is the Spiritsong Tarot, and it combines guardian/spiritual helper animals with the Rider Waite 78 card format. The suits in this deck are: Acorns (Wands - Fire), Feathers (Swords - Air), Shells (Cups - Water), and Crystals (Pentacles - Earth).

Todays Pull: Fox. Page of Crystals. Keywords: setting goals, consistent productivity, new ideas, opportunity, study, discipline, meeting success.

Fox is an encourager. He is clever and ambitious, and offers wisdom into how to achieve your goals. He knows success can either come from dumb luck, or you can work hard towards your goals and feel all the better for it. Remember Fox when you feel unmotivated or unfocused; he’ll remind you that your goals and dreams are worth the effort!

[lovetold]

tag drop: cc + dja.ts + mythology + oua.bh.

* ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTROSPECTION / META ⠀ 、 ⠀ bryce quinlan. * ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTERACTIONS / ASKS ⠀ 、 ⠀ bryce quinlan.

* ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTROSPECTION / META ⠀ 、 ⠀ ithan holstrom. * ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTERACTIONS / ASKS ⠀ 、 ⠀ ithan holstrom.

* ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTROSPECTION / META ⠀ 、 ⠀ camila dunne. * ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTERACTIONS / ASKS ⠀ 、 ⠀ camila dunne.

* ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTROSPECTION / META ⠀ 、 ⠀ persephone. * ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTERACTIONS / ASKS ⠀ 、 ⠀ persephone.

* ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTROSPECTION / META ⠀ 、 ⠀ evangeline fox. * ⠀ 𓂅 ⠀INTERACTIONS / ASKS ⠀ 、 ⠀ evangeline fox.

[unpsychics]

lil drag drop <3

[azure-firecracker]

Happy Belated Birthday to Me!

When I asked y’all what I should do for my birthday, the top two results were a rant about my favorite MSR moments and a self-indulgent oneshot. I combined the two, and now present: a collection of some of my beloved MSR moments - in fic form!

(Specifically, this is a series of vignettes reflecting Mulder slowly falling in love with Scully over the course of some of my favorite MSR scenes).

Fic Title: I Hate All of My Habits, But I Happen to Love You

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 5,066

Description: Mulder's thoughts in pivotal moments, as he slowly realizes what Scully means to him.

Or: A series of vignettes depicting Mulder's inner monologue throughout some of my favorite MSR moments.

Read on Ao3

Enjoy! Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes. Love y’all❤️

Tagging @today-in-fic

[foxglovefaun]

@wholelotofweird

mebbe it feel good when we know the blorbo be lookin back toward introspection

but only slightly

mebbe some vicariousness is located slightly 2 the left

what if i draw my character looking slightly to the left in a nondescript location again

[frostbitebakery]

LOUD.

a Jedi Shadow!Obi-Wan AU

Introspection fucking sucks, according to Commander Fox.

The thing about him is, he’s been made out to be a bastard and ever since their batch found their calling or whatever he’s embraced that role.

Every batch needed someone who didn’t secretly want to be cuddled, who pushed others away so he could keep track of the big picture.

Cody had competed for the role for a while. As did Wolffe.

For Cody, his heart, big and fragile once you got to know him, got in the way in the end. He sees the whole picture, craves it so he won’t go crazy from the losses. But he believes in people and their goodness.

Fox doesn’t.

Wolffe made the mistake of getting the galaxy’s best General. General Koon shits rainbows and glitter, from what Fox has been forced to listen to.

Fox has… the Chancellor.

He takes a swig of water and wishes it were something stronger. But Quin is on the other side of Fox’s desk, reading glasses ever so slowly slipping down his nose while he’s crunching and tracking the numbers to prove the Chancellor is, indeed, siphoning credits off the Republic to giftwrap them for the Seppies.

He takes another swig.

Wouldn’t surprise him if Palpatine turned out to be the villain of the whole story.

Brought Fox to drink with the kind attitude, the cruelty so expertly hidden from first glance, cushioned in false promises and support.

Hadn’t been pretty. But it had been easy. You go to the right places, people are only too willing to shell out for some drinks. Entertainment and morbid curiosity what brings a clone to their knees.

Some found the lisp he has because of the scar that ransacks through his lips and tongue endearing but most hadn’t bothered with wanting him talking.

Some wanted to inspect the changes in the Corrie armor up close and cozy.

If shit hadn’t already multiplied, Organa came flouncing into the Guard offices every two weeks with a new design like they were his little dress-up dolls.

The last design, the one that stayed, had a dummy connector installed in the backplate.

Fox hadn’t mentioned it. Had stewed over how the Guard, already isolated from the rest of the GAR, wasn’t even considered for the neural network that would make them more efficient, more deadly if activated. Treated like scum on a pedestal, overlooked and taken for granted.

Fox takes every advantage he can squeeze from that.

Every batch needs a willing loner who’s got the big picture in his head at all times and doesn’t care for the minutiae.

Fox had been comfortable in that role, really. He saw Thorn and Stone and Thire and the rest of them making friends and lovers and heartbreak, and that was the last fucking thing Fox wanted.

And then came Vos. Appearing from the shadows like a designer nightmare.

For such a short time they’ve sure gone through a lot together.

To the point Vos became Quinlan became Quin became Vos again became someone Fox clung to while fighting fucking addiction and the realization that he is stupid enough to become addicted.

No matter what Quin had said, Fox was supposed to be the pinnacle of cloning and artificially creating the perfect soldier. Addiction is a weakness and fault.

Fox almost did something extremely stupid over that one.

Turns out it’s all part of the sentient experience.

Fucking sucks.

Quin had laughed at that, ugly and bruised laughter, continuing to comb his fingers over Fox’s head. “Tell me about it.”

An eloquent way to say Quin was going through withdrawal himself.

They got outside help after that.

“Hey, Depa,” Quin murmurs absently after answering his comm, pushes his glasses up.

“Quinlan, is your line still secure?”

“‘Course. Especially after Fox got his grubby little hands all over it.”

Fox shows him the middle finger of one of his grubby little hands.

“Good,” General Billaba clips out. Quin straightens up, and maybe Fox’s attention isn’t misplaced here. “Good. Commander Cody was activated by the Sith Lord and he’s bringing Obi-Wan to Coruscant.”

Activated.

Quin is silent. Blinks up at the ceiling. “Can you run that by me again?”

“Quinlan, we have reason to be believe the Chancellor is the Sith Lord.”

Hah. Fox got that one right on his bingo card, at least.

Cody got activated.

As they’ve learned, the neural network - battlefield mediation, in fancy Kamino speak - is activated by a designated Force using GAR personnel. Surprisingly, the status is even an optional display on the screens of every trooper’s vambrace. Or not so surprisingly.

Cody got activated by the Chancellor. Who is the Sith Lord the Order has been hunting.

Fox will deal with that later or never, whatever comes first.

He’s comming the Guard all across the planet, checking the weapons on his person, while General Billaba explains the situation. He appreciates her succinct manner, he’s gotta say.

“I’m on the way to detain Anakin. Mace is following the ship Commander Cody captured but we need someone to intercept them on Coruscant before he reaches Palpatine.” She halts for a brief moment. “Obi-Wan seems to believe the Commander has betrayed him when he knows about the neural link inside the clones. We are fearing the Darkness is deliberately attacking and clouding his senses.”

“I’m on my way,” Quin nods, adds with a calculating glance at Fox, “I’m not sure I have back-up.”

“Funny thing about the Alderaan design of the guard armor,” Fox comments, checking the plasma charge on his DC, and vows to give Senator fucking Organa a sliced fruit platter, “the Guard doesn’t have the connector to the neural link.”

He comms their resident medic next and orders every gundark-level tranquilizer delivered to him.

Cody got activated and is following the orders of a Sith Lord.

Stars help them.

[stil-lindigo]

Comics Masterpost (organised by collection)

Please heed relevant content warnings on each post. Completed collections have physical and digital copies available for purchase on my store.

Soliloquy Down to Three [COMPLETED]

Soliloquy down to Three is an anthology of dark sapphic comics, all of which are a mix of both old and new inspiration. Its title is a line from 'craters', indicating that the phrase "I love you" manages to fit a whole monologue worth of feeling into three words.

The compiled version contains exclusive illustrations for each couple, as well as a secret ending to 'craters'.

1. fishing twine 2. hook, line and sinker (sequel to 'fishing twine) cw: suggestive imagery 3. RED cw: suggestive imagery, blood, murder with an axe 4. RED - epilogue cw: blood 5. patchwork canary cw: mouth + neck mutilation, blood 6. craters cw: implications of suicide

♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢

10PM [COMPLETED]

10pm is a collection of introspective comics that covers feelings of aimlessness, alienation and finding joy in creativity again. Its full title is "It's 10pm. Do you know who you are?" which is a twist on the old PSAs that used to play on American TVs reminding parents to check up on their children.

1. the parade

2. the elevator

3. the machine

4. the candle

5. the stone

6. the dredger

♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢

Hearteaters [COMPLETED]

Heart-eaters is an anthology about the ugliest, gory-est, most heartfelt and most brutal parts of love. Sitting at a whopping 180 pages, Heart-eaters is the longest anthology I've made yet, and took over a year to finish in full.

The compiled books available for purchase on my store contain an exclusive joint-comic to "Shallow Grave" and poem named "Laozi's bowl", as well as 9 original full-page art splashes unique to their assigned stories.

1. the sunset cw: gun violence, death, blood 2. the calamity cw: eye scarring, blood, eye mutilation, gore (minimal) 3. seeing clearer (epilogue to 'the calamity') cw: biblical references 4. shallow grave cw: gravestone imagery 5. bite of winter (joint comic to 'scorched earth') cw: gore, blood, death, cannibalism, dismemberment 6. scorched earth (joint comic to 'bite of winter') cw: blood, death, burning alive, beheading 7. ashes to ashes (prequel comic to 'scorched earth') 8. little dove (prequel comic to 'scorched earth') 9. warmth 10. the fox god cw: emotional manipulation, animal abuse 11. the fields cw: blood, animal death, mild gore and blood

[hedgehog-moss]

do you have recommendations for introspective fiction? :) i've been craving for something for my brain to much on that will also cause me pain, but i honestly have no clue where to get that. any advice?

Hello! I had trouble finding ideas at first because all the introspective & thought-provoking books that came to mind were nonfiction (diaries, etc—especially when it comes to women writers) but here are 10 suggestions, with excerpts :) Note that I took your "cause me pain" request seriously; these are not exactly feel-good reads.

Steppenwolf, Herman Hesse Man is not capable of thought in any high degree, and even the most spiritual and highly cultivated of men habitually sees the world and himself through the lenses of delusive formulas and artless simplifications—and most of all himself. For it appears to be an inborn ... need of all men to regard the self as a unit. In reality, however, every ego ... is in the highest degree a manifold world, a constellated heaven, a chaos of forms, of states and stages, of inheritances and potentialities. It appears to be a necessity as imperative as ... breathing for everyone to be forced to regard this chaos as a unity and to speak of his ego as though it were a one-fold and clearly detached and fixed phenomenon. Even the best of us shares the delusion.

Notes From Underground, Fyodor Dostoevsky Why, suffering is the sole origin of consciousness. Though I did lay it down at the beginning that consciousness is the greatest misfortune for man, yet I know man prizes it and would not give it up for any satisfaction. Consciousness, for instance, is infinitely superior to twice two makes four. Once you have mathematical certainty there is nothing left to do or to understand. There will be nothing left but to bottle up your five senses and plunge into contemplation.

The Book of Disquiet, Fernando Pessoa I asked for very little from life, and even this little was denied me. A nearby field, a ray of sunlight, a little bit of calm along with a bit of bread, not to feel oppressed by the knowledge that I exist, not to demand anything from others, and not to have others demand anything from me — this was denied me, like the spare change we might deny a beggar not because we're mean-hearted but because we don't feel like unbuttoning our coat.

Ishmael, Daniel Quinn All sorts of creatures on this planet appear to be on the verge of attaining self-awareness and intelligence. We were never meant to be the only players on that stage. [But] man is the first of all these. He is the trailblazer, the pathfinder. [….] Man’s place in the world is to be the first without being the last. Man’s place is to figure out how it’s possible to do that—and then to make room for all the rest who are capable of becoming what he’s become.

The Lady and the Little Fox Fur, Violette Leduc Her hope was stored in a safe place. On tiptoe, avidly, she gazed through the windows. ... She was filled with a fixed determination to pay the next month’s rent, to sally forth once more to the pawnbroker’s, to offer him the clothes off her back, to sell her teeth, ... but at all costs to go on living against the panes of strangers’ windows. She bumped into women hurriedly buying food for their dinners; she was breathing the oxygen meant for people who had spent their day working. To cry out that it was impossible for her to begin her life all over again would be useless.

The Last Summer of Reason, Tahar Djaout The city with the many forms of iridescence that once danced on the foam ... is now a field of merciless thorns. Love is a recumbent effigy, a dead tree. Song flees into exile. ... Books—the closeness of them, their contact, their smell, and their contents—constitute the safest refuge against this world of horror. They are the most pleasant and the most subtle means of traveling to a more compassionate planet.

The Royal Game, Stefan Zweig They did nothing—other than subjecting us to complete nothingness. For, as is well known, nothing on earth puts more pressure on the human mind than nothing. ... There was nothing here that could release me from my thoughts, from my obsession with them, from my pathological reiteration of them. And that was exactly what they intended: I was to choke and choke on my thoughts until they asphyxiated me.

Dawn, Elie Wiesel [Words] serve only to give meaning to our actions. And our actions, seen in their true and primitive light, have the odor and color of blood. This is war, we say; we must kill. ... And what else can we do? War has a code, and if you deny this you deny its whole purpose and hand the enemy victory on a silver platter. That we can’t afford. We need victory, victory in war, in order to survive, in order to remain afloat on the surface of time.

Darkness at Noon, Arthur Koestler All our principles were right, but our results were wrong. This is a diseased century. We diagnosed the disease and its causes with microscopic exactness, but wherever we applied the healing knife a new sore appeared. Our will was hard and pure, we should have been loved by the people. But they hate us. Why are we so odious and detested? ... Whenever had a good cause been worse represented? When and where in history had there ever been such defective saints?

All the Lovers in the Night, Mieko Kawakami The job that I was doing, the place where I was living, the fact that I was all alone and had no one to talk to. Could these have been the result of some decision that I’d made? I heard a crow crying somewhere in the distance and turned to the window. It occurred to me that maybe I was where I was today because I hadn’t chosen anything. I had faked it the whole way. ... I was so scared of failing, of being hurt, that I chose nothing. I did nothing.