#into the void it goes

[surprise-soprano]

My sister, everyone

[deadpoolsbottombitch]

Husband and i went to a food pantry pickup today for the first time. Feeling a surprising amount of shame and guilt for doing so. On one hand we were doing "ok" scrounging for change every day or driving instacart to get mcdonalds. On the other hand, anyone who's as excited as i was to get a bagged beef stew and a loaf of bread probably needs more food security in their life. I feel ashamed and i feel like i took food from people who needed it more, but i also know that these resources exist to help, and that there SHOULD be no shame in utilizing them. Husband is battling addiction for the first time in years, and both of our mental health is tanking. No money for extra food or necessities, and the job i work 45 hrs a week at isn't enough to pay all our bills AND buy food AND get meds. Idek why I'm posting this, i guess just venting? But idk i might feel ashamed and guilty, and my husband might be suffering withdrawal and feeling horrible, but at least tonight we will have hot beef stew and good bread, and we can feel, for a mealtime, what it will be like when the struggle is over.

[stillbubbles]

soooo it's been almost two years since I've updated this BUT HEY better late than never!!

[samaeljigoku]

I wonder if, when Sorbet and Ghiaccio first met, if Ghiaccio was like:

"Your name is w h a t. Not within earshot of me, it's not! What do you think this is - Par-IS, France? Your name's SORBETTO around me, PAL."

[werewulvs]

synthetic wigs look so cute when u don't got a little bitch in ya ear telling u it's trashy

[puddleslimewrites]

T-Shirt

I have a shirt that I wear when I need courage.

There's a videogame character on my shirt. He's a lot like me, you see - timid, shy, scared of disappointing others. But in his game, in his world, he overcomes that. He's still timid. He's still scared. But he doesn't let that hinder him. So I think, if he can do that, then perhaps I can too.

Sometimes, on days when I need my shirt, I remember that I've already worn it once - I rememebr that it's in the wash.

On those days, I realize I don't need my shirt. Even if he's not with me, I still have the memory of that character's story, of his stregnth and courage. I remember his struggles. I know that he has it when he's on his own.

He reminds me that I can do that too. That I have support, even if I can't see it; even if that support comes from me, and me alone.

I have a shirt I wear that gives me courage.

...I have a shirt that reminds me I have courage of my own.

[ygodmyy20]

*tosses fanart into the void*

Another little doodle from one of my fics, Float.

[catching-fire-in-the-wind]

they should invent a type of art that can be made by people who are just soooooo sleepy. art for the sleepiest guys imaginable

[cinnamonsera]

*high pitched screaming*

The world has it out for me specifically today and it’s only 8:30 am

[anacornthing]

Havin Conservative Parents is Fun

Y'all, I'm tired of trying to talk with my Dad about the US, cuz he'll say the we're struggling, and I'll chip in with a statistic (this time it was that the average income for an American is under $40K a year after taking out the top thousand people), and he'll start trying to explain how it's the fault of immigrants, or black people, or women, or queer people.

Mom's kinda mildly upset that I don't really talk with him, and I've tried to explain to her that not only do I disagree with him (them, but she's a bit calmer in her bigotry), but I myself am hurt by what he says (as a bisexual woman-ish person). And what does she say, Everytime? That he's had a different life, and that he's older, and that he doesn't have the same capacity for emotions as I do.

I can respect that to a certain degree, but we're not about to pretend like that shit doesn't actually fuckin harm people- and not just "hurting their sensitive feelings"- people are killed because of this kind of blaming and hate these people with "less capacity for difference" spew

[angrylnxy]

Low key my new favorite thing I have made!!!

Like how is she so pretty??!?!

[mystic--dragon]

added a blog title such wow. much progress

[aresonist]

gem dying badly in a glue trap

[againstme]

the sun is setting on the first of the year, i feel like shit. none of the dinners that they have are anything i can eat cause there was only two of the one i liked.

they’re gonna yell throughout the house for dinner. i’m just gonna stay in bed. and take my meds at 7.

then, i guess it’s just regular programming tomorrow.

holidays suck. they suck here, so much. but i don’t even yearn to be around other people that aren’t here. too scared to be around my family, too anxious or too much to be around my friends. i guess i just want to be alone.

i’m stuck here, until i have an idea of a place to go. i have nowhere to return to. i have no idea of where to go, what to do, who to be. who i want to be.

where does one go when they don’t have any place to call home? part of me just wants to sink into the earth. to look at someone across the street while a bus passes, disappearing into the night, never to be seen again.

i wish i could throw a dart at a map, see what sticks and just go there. i’ve been to so many places, trying to fit in, carving this square peg into a round one, barely fitting it in. not close, but quite. i still stick out like a sore thumb.

i want to find a place that fits. a box that’s made for me. something stable, and nice, where i’m not relying on people as much. some place where i can relax, and breathe, be myself, and be at peace.

i’ve never felt stable. it’s always been rocky. filled with ups and downs, waves crashing like i’m out at sea. i feel like, at this point, i’m neck deep in the water, reaching my arms out for help. a friend looks out at me from a boat, holding a life jacket in their hand, but never tossing it to me. we make eye contact as i start to drown, both knowing that i can’t swim.

i’ve felt my life flash before my eyes, forcing me to reflect. so much crying, whether from laughter, or from sadness. the nights i went to sleep, wishing i didn’t wake up. but i did. was it worth it? seeing another day? waking up with too much tylenol in my stomach and ringing in my ears? wishing that it was done, that it was over, that i could finally stop being a burden? to stop having people waste their energy focusing on me, so they can go on with their lives?

some days, i wish that it worked. that the tylenol burned a hole in my stomach, that the cuts weren’t too shallow, that the makeshift rope made out of my bedsheets could actually hold my weight. that i never called anybody.

being here, in treatment, felt okay at first. but now, i feel like leaving. i don’t like my psychiatrist, i don’t like my therapist, my trauma therapy is rough. i don’t feel like what i went through was bad enough, whatever that means. that i’m taking up a bed that someone else could be in.

i’m skipping lunch, save for chips and coffee, and shaking throughout most days. getting bad sleep, being woken up at 6, skipping breakfast most days, filling up on coffee, and the cycle repeats.

the cycle always repeats. and i have nowhere to go.

[samaeljigoku]

Do you think Doppio ever gets prank calls on his frog / cigarette / baby phone?

Or Diavolo's answering machine..?

[maladaptvs]

not blog related but i really hate how the “Baby on Board” car stickers have been meme-ified and misconstrued. those were for the safety of families in the event of a car accident and now they mean nothing…