#into the correct spot so i don't fail on a technicality
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love this system that is like "oh you work for 2 years while we barely pay you - it's not called a wage for a reason, duh - have you come to class and write an exam every week but in class - just for funsies - we won't actually teach you what you need to know for the exams but a lot of practical stuff which doesn't apply for your work because that is way more specialized"
glad i can skip the classes since i moved outside of town for this part. while i have to teach everything to myself, everyone in class is non the wiser and at least i don't lose the hours.
#ctlyuejie writes#really thought i could get some studying in until february since starting february my work schedule will be hell#but alas#idk how the people cope who have to work more hours than me#if i take anything away from this is that i am damn lucky with my supervisors#and the knowledge i could still find a job at my current workplace if I fail the bar#just had a meeting to discuss one of the mock exams: they are not allowed to hand out the correct solution just discuss it#and since a lot of it is the outline and basically formatting stuff it really isn't helpful to have someone explain where to put a signatur#and letter head etc with no visual aid#and there's also no textbook examples because every fucking region does it differently#i just love that in the exam i am drafting administrative decisions - letters to court - letters to citizens etc which in reality you'd use#internal templates for#but just for the nonsense of it all you have to memorize the formats for the bar (besides getting the material law correct obviously)#me copypasting the template for writing charges when i was working as a prosecutor vs me in the exam having to draw the state coat of arms#into the correct spot so i don't fail on a technicality#(guy who was correcting the mock exam got mad because i wrote “coat of arms” in letters instead of drawing it...my dude...it's a mock exam)#(i will draw the horse for the bar and not before that)#shouldn't have started my training in a state that has a horse on the coat of arms#also highly enjoyable how this must read like madness to anyone taking the bar in another country (besides the bar being madness anywhere)#at this point i have the equivalent of two bachelors two masters and a specialization and i still might not make it#just collecting fun letters that go behind my name
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Hi babee, just love all your takes about Lando and Carlos so I am gonna hold your hand while I tell you this (if you have not seen it already) but *ding dong* Lando hate is on again! (Nobody missed it)
Basically, in an interview Max said he would’ve easily won the Championship in a McLaren or in a Ferrari “even earlier”. Now, neglecting all the technical analysis we could do about it to prove whether he is wrong or right.
Lando basically said while laughing “haha, that’s an interesting take, he should be a comedian.” Period, stop, that’s it. You know, just answering with the same sarcasm of every-fucking-body else in this forsaken sport trying to express their own opinion.
And guess what? YEAH IT HAPPENED AGAIN, HATE ON LITTLE LANDO NORRIS. Because how dare he defend his team? How dare he say his own opinion? How dare he contradict Max?
How dare he BREATHE?
The funniest thing? Charles said a very very similar thing, more like “yeah Max is exaggerating a lot”.
But for Charles people were like, “oh God Charles you’re so right my love always defending the team (the same team they were yelling at two days ago for not “”””favouring””””” him??? Wtf???) they could never make me hate you” *dick sucking noises* *tongues slurping on asses*
And that also brings me to another question. Do you or do you not think that the majority of lecfosis/lestappies (basically the same thing) are also Lando haters? Do you or do you not think it’s a patholocial condition?
Great talk, waiting for your answers, love your answers.
hi honey!!
ty!! you're one of the first to say that lmao 💕💕
I SAW I SAW!! max babes you wouldn't survive a DAY with the mclaren pit wall, god knows i barely do. in the wake of thanksgiving i would like to declare i am NOT thankful for the mclaren pitwall (i think it's thanksgiving idk)
i've talked about it multiple times with others, the mclaren (illegal mclaren come back to me my love) was good. for a few races.
the ferrari was good, for a few races.
the merc was good, for a few races.
the red bull was good, for a few races.
people like to think of the mclaren of this season as the red bull of last season, it's not. there hasn't in my opinion been a definite dominant car for more than a few races.
so no max babes, you wouldn't have won in the mclaren!! at least, not in the way he thinks he would ...
yes how dare lando breathe? crucify him! he dared to speak a word!
the fucking what is the word ugh english is failing me. YES!! the double standards in this sport is insane. the god "il depression" can go and say whatever the fuckity fuck he wants, no matter how offensive and be praised. the so called "white savior" dutchman can ALSO say whatever he wants, and be praised.
but oh no, let's crucify lando for saying something NOT EVEN THAT BAD. let's crucify Lando for something he didn't say! which we took out of context! and refuse to be corrected on! just crucify Lando for existing!!
but no, let's praise il depression for saying the exact same fucking thing if not worse, but crucify lando!! sounds fun!! right? *ahem ahem sarcasm*
ALSO !! lecfosi talking about how sharl has never had favouritism!! never!! bro? is you blind? that man is the second coming of whatever god they want to compare him to according to ferrari.
"oh carlos is a nepo baby" for what? working to get his spot? for working hard? sharl's whole 😤i'm not mister nice guy anymore😤 and shit, depressing really (i think i lost my point somewhere in this essay)
sharls, babes, when have you ever been screwed over by team orders? carlos already pulled over once. the races he did bad: his choices, he chose the strategies (which is admirable to try and fuck around when you need points). charles has i don't want to say blatantly favored but oh god. favorite child, he's the password child. someone hack ferrari and try "charles16" for the password!
lost my point again omfg sorry
yes!! i do think most lecfosi are lando haters! and lestappies as well!!
on the lecfosi: they are like, an insecure tween, in a way. (SOME OF THEM , MY SHARL MUTUALS ILY WITH MY WHOLE HEART) the second ANY driver does better than sharl, they're the wicked witch of the fucking west. i can admit when someone has outperformed lando and whatnot, but they REFUSE to believe that il depression isn't jesus reborn.
they like to bring other drivers down to hail sharl le-loser (ty for that one kavi mwah 💋). i personally haven't done that for lando, so idk the thought process. but point here: sharl bad = IMPOSSIBLE
on the lestappies: i fear them, with my whole being, toes to my fuck ass bangs. when lestappies try to compare themselves to carlando an angel loses it's wings and andrea st*lla probs loses another braincell. carlando ≠ lestappen, carlando is real fruendship, lestappen... they barely interact. they interact like as many times as i've been to church.
like the idea of lestappen could be cool. childhood rivals to adult rivals and whatnot. but like. max is ... levels .. better than il depression. so, doesn't really work imo.
BACK TO THE POINT OMFG. yes lestappies and lecfosi are mostly lando haters. bc they can't stand the idea that these fuck ass wannabe religious symbols aren't the shit. (you wanna know what the shit is ... makkinen ... look it up ... i love them)
went off the golden brick road again omfg 🧘♀️🧘♀️ yes lestappies and lecfosi are mainly lando antis for no valid reason expect their limited brain capacity (SOME OF THEMMMMMM)
i do think it's a pathological condition, called having an ego and being delusional.
anon ily sorry for the essay pls come back again i love your message smmmmm 💞💞💞💞💗💗💗💕💕💕
#f1#formula 1#stef yaps#anti leclerc#anti charles leclerc#my brain abandoned me halfway through this#sorry for the essay#lecfosi fight me idc#i do actually care#bc i wanna be nice#but some people make it hard#did i tag everything i should?#who caresssss#not me!#(yes me)#this is not proofread#crucify me ig
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Of Courses I Have Horses -Reflection
Ok this is mostly for me but if you have any feedback for the comic I'll leave my anons on for a few days and you can pop it over there!
Anyways proceed with caution, this'll probably be long. Also I'm probably going to be pretty critical of myself here but please don't worry or feel the need to defend me from myself. I actually love critique and if I really do hate what I've made I won't even be able to look at it.
Stats:
Expected Time: Three Weeks (Don't clown on me I have ambitions)
Actual Time Spent: Ten Weeks
Expected Length: 9 Parts (73 Panels)
Actual Length: 9 Parts (72 Panels + one big panel) and one bonus drawing.
Pros/the good:
FINISHED IT!!!!! :D I did it. I did it. I'm the best you know how it is!!! I've always been scared of bigger projects like these because of how intimidating they can get but I did it! I got to the end! And about 83.56% of the panels had an environmental background (not all unique but hey whaddyagonnado).
People liked it!! (unless everybody is lying to me *-* jk jk too many people for that to be true). Sure you shouldn't measure your success on other's opinions but it is nice to know that I'm not alone in my enjoyment of my work.
Updated it pretty regularly! Good to know if I ever want to make a real webtoon.
Horses Researched ✅ I probably have some blind spots having not actually interacted with horses all that much but eh. It is fanfic in the end.
Cons/the bad:
I don't like posting while writing/drawing. Too much pressure even if the pressure was kinda good to motivate me and it was technically imagined anyways.
Colors are ugly. I'm not sure why I chose that color of sky but hmmm.
Backgrounds are present but uninspired and bland. The colors contribute to this but also the fact that I didn't draw the backgrounds before I drew the people most of the time. I also was just referencing images from botw (if you couldn't guess) and this lead them to be flat and like they were not existing where the characters were existing sometimes.
Too wordy in some places. Despite the fact that I chose to do four panel chunks to practice brevity I ended up being too verbose in some situations. One of these was Legend's episode. I felt like people wouldn't get the joke so I over explained it in the dialogue but even then I still don't think people got it got it. This is usually fine but when you over correct and still end up failing it is bad because you end up failing both ends (so to speak). Also the words were not always that good or polished.
Characters were off model frequently. The horses were the worst part as their head shapes would change frequently. This is most likely a result of my lack of experience drawing horses (why I decided to go with a series where I would have to draw a bunch of horses no one will know).
Characters were also ooc (probably) Wild was a little too happy/silly, Four was a little too irrational, Legend was mean mean instead of more accidently mean, and I think the others were fine. They just didn't really get to showcase their personalities all that much.
Lessons for next time:
MAKE A REF SHEET!!! I had to go back and forth between old pages to get the colors and it was such a hassle. Made me not want to color which is bad because I already don't like coloring all that much.
Crank up the threshold on the bucket tool when coloring. Leads to more being colored in and less white bits to fill in later
Write it all out before!! Especially if short like this. Makes it easier.
Put the words before sketching dummy!!! Saves many headaches.
Speaking of which, maybe set the background to be grey so you get less headaches (maybe, unconfirmed if this was the cause of headaches).
Draw (sketch) the background before drawing the characters.
Add clouds to the sky.
Do wrist exercises! Real ones!
Conclusion:
Good experience all around. Many things learned about myself and my creative process. Still not a horse girl but maybe one day.
Anyways this is probably the last you will see of "Of Courses I Have Horses." On to bigger and brighter things!
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Treatise on Queens Boulevard
Nobody asked for it and it'll be of interest to few, but here are some thoughts (as a bike commuter) on a piece of infrastructure in the New York City borough of Queens.
When I first moved to Queens, Queens Boulevard looked like this:
Now Queens Boulevard mostly looks like this:
Why did this happen?
These changes to Queens Boulevard were made accidentally - in the sense that they were meant to reduce the frequency of accidents along the so-called 'Boulevard of Death'. How did Queens Boulevard earn such a grim moniker? Well, for many decades Queens Boulevard dealt with something of an existential crisis. It wasn't sure whether it truly wanted to be a boulevard. Perhaps I should be a freeway? Am I really a boulevard if I barely have trees on me? In a shocking move, its friend, Van Wyck Boulevard, decided to become a full on highway. This left Queens Boulevard in the lurch. Where do I fit within this changing landscape? Ever the contrarian, Queens Boulevard resolved its crisis with a bizarre compromise. It would feel like a freeway, but would not declare itself as such.
Thus, it exists as a fairly major thoroughfare that cuts through many a neighborhood, with storefronts and restaurants along its northern and southern side. (The green line below traces its path.)
Those who live around it are often compelled to cross the boulevard. From what I understand this was a fairly anarchic procedure back in the day. The city struggled to establish reasonable crosswalks, to get people to use those crosswalks, and to get cars to slow down. Many small improvements were made, but in 2014 as part of the city's Vision Zero program (which sought/seeks to put an end to traffic deaths), it was decided that a proper redesign was necessary.
Should we like this redesign?
Well it's too late to object now so I suppose we must. One can evaluate the success of this redesign according to several metrics, most of which I'll ignore and leave to the experts. There are almost no pedestrian deaths along Queens Boulevard these days, which is great. But almost no pedestrian deaths is not no pedestrian deaths. Being in proximity to Queens Boulevard is certainly not as unpleasant or stressful as it used to be, but an 8 lane thoroughfare with occasionally heavy traffic running through reasonably calm neighborhoods (by NYC standards) will always feel out of place. Further updates to Queens Boulevard are planned, but let me now get to the whole points of writing this...
Biking along Queens Boulevard, the good and the bad
It's comparatively awesome.
As is so often the case, parking spots needed to be sacrificed on the altar of bike infrastructure. This angered many and, though it might be sacrilege to say such things as a bike commuter, their anger is fairly understandable. There are claims that businesses suffered or even failed as a result of the reduction in parking. I've no idea if that's true. What I do know is that the width of the bike lanes is incredibly generous (at many points) along Queens Boulevard. One could ride abreast their biking friend, if they had one.
Meanwhile, cars on the parallel side streets (which I shall refer to as frontage roads even though I'm not sure that is technically correct) are at times tightly squeezed between a wide bike lane and a row of parked cars. Should you desire to parallel park along the frontage road, you probably won't find a spot so don't bother. If you do find one, you'll have to bring traffic on that frontage road to a halt while you maneuver in. This will annoy the drivers behind you and they'll likely swerve into the bike lane to get around your obstruction. In this situation nobody is happy. The cyclists don't want you in the bike lane, drivers don't want to stop and wait for you, and you may even feel a smidge guilty just for trying to park.
In response to this, the city 'hardened' the bikes lanes by adding concrete barriers between the bike and traffic lanes on the frontage roads. These barriers are not universal, so there are plenty of places to still swerve into the bike lane, or indeed even park in the bike lane. Delivery trucks are a frequent culprit of parking in the bike lane. Cyclists are uncomfortable with such intrusions, but given the generous width of the bike lanes and the non-existence of parking spots, a delivery driver may feel as though they can get away with parking in the bike lane since they often aren't actually blocking the entirety of it.
The width of the bike lanes and the addition of these barriers mayhaps leads to an impression that bikes are given undo prominence on Queens Boulevard. They are certainly given prominence, but whether it is undo I will leave to the urbanists.
I've heard of 'cycling superhighways' in London. As usual, us Americans have done it better, though perhaps unintentionally. Queens Boulevard is a real 'cycling superhighway'. It has not declared itself as such, but it feels like one. The width of the bike lanes and the presence of the barriers gives the impression that you are entitled to go fast. Many two-wheeled-non-human-powered vehicles (I hesitate to call them electric bikes since they look more like mopeds), which really ought to be traveling on the frontage roads, prefer to stay in the bike lanes in order to avoid getting stuck behind cars. A particular point of conflict is at the slip lanes (or whatever they are called - the lanes that allow cars to get from the frontage roads to the main traffic of the boulevard and vice-versa). Those of us in the bike lanes feel as though we can blast through these slip lane intersections and cars should be cognizant of our intention to do so, but the drivers feel like they need to take advantage of whatever window they get to merge on or off of the main boulevard or they might get stuck waiting for some time.
Ultimately, this conflict between cyclists and drivers on Queens Boulevard is a product of the constraints that the re-designers had to deal with it. (At least I'd imagine that's the case, I have no actual evidence of this.) They wanted to make Queens Boulevard safer and, at least initially, they wanted/needed to do so cheaply - ideally by painting some lines on the road and widening a few medians. I'm sure there were grand ideas of a true redesign of Queens Boulevard that would make it the Champs-Elysee (except better) of New York, but that would be a lot of work, there's a subway line underneath it, and you can't really shut much of it down for renovation without public uproar since many people do actually need to drive in Queens. As a result we have a Boulevard of Compromise that is better than before, but still not quite there.
Those are my needlessly detailed observations on an exceedingly local problem that's not really much of a problem. I'll probably be moving out of Queens in the near future because the real problem is it's so damn expensive.
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noriko braced herself for the brewing storm, convincing herself not to take the feedback to heart. she can't even begin to wrap her head around all the missed steps, stumbling, failing to spot, and all the chaos that was the performance that she had just shown yuxi. if that disaster can even be called a performance. in her years of ballet, she had never allowed herself to have room for doubt, not even a hint of it. she had always been so sure and confident of every turn, every leap, and now, what is she if not the embodiment of disappointment now? she'd have never allowed herself to dance and be called a failure, she needed to get herself out of her own thoughts.
as expected, yuxi did not hold back, pointed out every single thing that went wrong, mistakes that etched even as she continued to the next combination. the show must go on, and apparently, so did her blunders. she was taking in every word as she did her breath, chest heaving, shoulders rising and falling as she nodded her head. don't make excuses, she tells herself, like a chant. a prayer. in ballet, nobody cares how many hours you put in, how many injuries you tend to, or how many turns you perfected during practice. all anyone cares about is the perfection that graces the stage. nobody cares how many times you get up from a fall, all they'll see is just that -- you fell.
"revisit fundamentals, better lines, and be dynamic." yuxi was right, there won't be technical feedback. the panelist wouldn't be correcting mistakes, it was the actual show. a ballet performance, and if there was anybody here who knew exactly what to do in one, it was her. she didn't win competitions by making excuses, or boasting about how much pain she danced through and normalcy she gave up. noriko got to paris because she was good, one of the best, in fact. and this preparation, this audition piece, it was more than just the audition. it was overcoming what, as yuxi had put it, has been bleeding into her fundamentals. she knew fundamentals, she had mastery of it, she could do technicality in her sleep. this was not just about an audition, or dancing. "i need to stop dancing in my head... i have to dance right here, right now. don't i?"
Slowly circling around the practice room, Yuxi watched Noriko present her choreography progress with a critical eye. Though she was by no means any ballet expert, she had enough working knowledge to be able to actually provide useful feedback. She gave herself some time to mull over her thoughts before directing her attention back to the other girl, snapping her fingers to motion for the latter to look at her.
On one hand, she knew that Noriko was sensitive and that she needed to tread carefully with her words but on the other… There was no way around it, her performance had been near-disastrous, nothing like the girl she had first met in Lausanne. If she spent this session sugarcoating her words with white lies, it would be to the detriment to Noriko. Plus, it wasn’t like she was ever known for her tact either, and she was fairly certain that that had been the reason the other girl entrusted her with this favour. To deny that would be, in her eyes, a breach of trust, a display of a lack of sincerity.
She breathed in. “It was… I know you can do better. It’s not anything post-production editing can’t save. But your stamina wasn’t keeping up, your break in character palpable, and it showed. Remember this: the panelists LGC will invite likely won’t care or know enough about ballet to actually give you any substantial technical feedback. But what they do, and can feel, is your embodiment of the role. If you break that halfway into your solo, it will count against you more than any technical mistake will, and I say this because I have full trust that you are talented and experienced enough to correct any technical mishaps in real time. You need to gain better control of your emotions and learn to push forward because those mood fluctuations really bled into your fundamentals. You’re smart, I don’t think I’ll need to start nitpicking your form. Do keep to try and keep your feet and fingertips more active though.” Most glaring issue said, she moved on to her next point to cover.
“Also, look: this isn’t a ballet competition. The panelists are going to be seated on the same level as you and the cameras a lot closer and more dynamic. The stage setup is different, use that to your advantage. The more interactive you are with those stage design elements, the better.” She looked back down at her notes to see if she missed anything, and when she found nothing, Yuxi nodded back at Noriko to indicate that she had concluded all her comments.
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Hi! Can you write somethinh with MJ confessing to fem reader? Or gender neutral, don't make difference
accident-prone . michelle jones
♡ synopsis: mj fixes you up after a mishap in gym class, and she accidentally confesses to you // gender neutral reader
♡ warnings: fluff, mentions of bruising, first aid, injury + a bit of swearing, a suggestive reference at the end
♡ a/n: oml anon I'm so sorry for posting this SO late skldwffga :((( I've been really busy w exams and studying for midterms so I didn't find the inspiration or time to even start!!! but I hope you like it <3
"you're such a dumbass," mj smirked, teaching you how to do the math problem you were stuggling in properly. Honestly, you studied barely anything. the complications of the formula were bugging you, and you really didn't want to fail in your midterms. "tell me something I don't know!" you groaned, scribbling the wrong answer and writing the correct one. "WATCH OUT!" mj shouted out of the blue. you looked up from your notebook, puzzled. BANG! The sheer impact of the basketball made your head fizz, and you felt your brain bang against your head. it all went black, and the last thing you heard was a muffled yell from mj. studying in the basketball court was not a good idea. "THE FUCK WAS THAT, BRAD?!" mj was on extreme stress. her crush, the literal love of her life just got smacked in the head with a basketball. great, wasn't it? she just tried warning you, but damnit your slow reaction time just ruined it all. mj had everything she wanted, you and her having some sweet alone time, finishing up some math assignments like usual. she finally mustered the courage up to make a move, because your oblivious self didn't have a clue. or so she thought. mj shoved the door behind her, carrying her bookbag inside the room. there you were, sprawled across the sofa, with a bruised forehead. you dozed peacefully, and she smiled at the way you slept, careless of who or what was around you. the sudden slam of the door made you shuffle a bit. mj froze in her place, afraid of what you might do or say. yeahhhh, she did just technically kidnap you, you could say that. it wasn't that bad. your eyes fluttered open, and the might thing that you spotted was the grey blanket laid onto you. you groaned, rubbing the previously hit area. mj smiled at your cuteness. it was absolutely heart wrenching to her. "what the fuck happened," you groaned. mj plopped the bag on a nearby couch and leant downwards to fetch something from a fridge. "you, my friend, just got hit in the head with a baskeball," she mumbled, clearing the fridge out to find her ice pack.
"I DID WHAT?"
"courtesy of Brad Davis, of course," she added. you smacked yourself in the forehead to emphasis the stupidity you just heard. that made the ringing in your head even worse.
"aha!" she announced, carrying the ice pack towards you. your breath hitched at the sight of her care towards you. mj caressed your head and told you to lean back.
"love, if you keep moving your head I won't be able to fix it up, and there will be a gigantic bruise," mj cooed. you stiffened, crooning your neck toward her. "l-love?" you choked.
"DUMB, DUMB!" she cut off, looking sideways, trying to advert your eyes. "I MEANT DUMB- HAHA-" she nervously laughed, holding the ice pack against you. did she... did she just call you love? the slip of tongue was so absent minded of her. she mentally facepalmed. mj tried to distract you by further examined your injury, trying to soothe the pain. you looked her in the eyes and noticed the beauty of them. how could you not have noticed that before? she looked you and sighed relentlessly. your eyes were closed now, soothed by her touch. the ice pack made the bruise go halfway away. she, on the other hand, thought you were asleep. but you felt her gaze on you, and the sheer care that she showed for you made you just melt. "I love you so goddamn much," you breathed out unconsiously. it was a whisper, but it meant the world to her. when she heard you, she leant down and grabbed your collar.
"WHA-" you exclaimed at the sudden gesture, as she pulled you in and kissed you. it wasn't a big deal, your biggest crush just kissed you, you told yourself.
but honestly? it meant the fucking world. the tenderness of her soft lips against yours, the touch of her skin creeping up on her. an arm snaked around your waist, and you ran a hand through her hair. the feeling of electric shocks ran through you.
a ball of warmness mixed with flurries of anxious butterflies churned in your stomach. "you're so accident-prone" she grinned, pulling away from you, the sensation still electrifying you. and lets just say, that day ended with the both of you on top of each other, doing something you probably weren't supposed to do
#mj#michelle jones#mj x reader#michelle jones x reader#nwh#spider man#mj fluff#michelle jones fluff#zendaya! michelle jones#zendaya! mj#zendaya x reader#zendaya fluff
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How come you got into One Piece but not Dragonball?
Ha, I guess I see the logic behind this question! Well, I enjoy that One Piece is a Journey to the West-inspired story with a powerful idiot for a protagonist, but those aren't the elements I'd consider the draws for me. In the short-term I like power of friendship stories a lot, and in the long-term I ended up vibing with a lot of OP's more slowburn themes (feeding everyone, dunking on the rich, disowning your parents, thumbing it to totalitarian governments, defining freedom, etc. etc.). One Piece is also... Despite the state it's ended up in (very heinous tiddies), it was noticeably non-horny for a pretty big chunk of it, and it has still not capitulated on never doing romance subplots. This is a draw for me.
I didn't catch either of these dubbed on TV at an impressionable age - that would be how I sampled Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon simultaneously and went on to only care about one of them - so I actively sampled them both after hearing about them when I was getting into anime as a teenager who'd just figured out how to stream things. ...I specifically remember staring deeply into a technically correct but extremely useless summary of One Piece before deciding to give it a shot. ("After eating a fruit said to be from the devil, Luffy the pirate CANNOT SWIM.") And I was like, 'Well this is Fine(tm), and I am learning new vocabulary' (after picking up Japanese question words from ygo Season 0, One Piece filled in my pronouns and basic family terms), and then I hit Arlong Park and was like, 'I AM CRYING WITH MY ENTIRE BODY THIS IS NOT FINE,' and like, after you've passed Arlong Park OP owns your ass. I almost dropped it when Foxy happened because the pacing had been starting to suffer from the threat of running out of source material and that arc was just, the last straw, but I switched to the next part of the manga instead and thank god because the manga is even better. What an absolute treat to get to read Water 7 and Thriller Bark as a second beginning of the OP experience. I have still not experienced Foxy in either medium and if I have my way I never will.
With Dragon Ball I just, started the manga from the beginning? It just didn't grab me. I don't even know how much of it I read. It doesn't feel like a lot, but I have no idea. Enough to get tired of it! None of the humor was landing for me because it was largely in various veins I find mildly unpleasant, the kind of big empty-feeling setting isn't really my vibe, and there just wasn't anything else going on. The DBZ abridged series was fun but also failed to capture my interest, ditto the occasional liveblog or video game watched over someone's shoulder.
I see people compliment Dragon Ball as an entry in the comics medium sometimes, and I might sit down with it again at some point for that angle now that I care more about the science of putting comics together. (Have also been meaning to resample Bleach for this reason.) I also understand that it has a pretty established spot to uh, skip to the trolls, as it were, so I might do that if I really just can't pay attention to the first era.
But yeah for now Goku is nothing to me. He's just a guy. I don't know him.
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Normal People don't know their IQ
(A/N): Inspired by me, who recently discovered normal people don’t know their IQ, while I was tested two or three times already...
Summary: A certain someone is the only way to get the UnSub. But there’s also something different that makes her special.
Warnings: Angst (fluffy end, I swear), language, mentions of rape and torture, mention of dead people, the usual CM stuff I guess Wordcount: 2.0k
✨Masterlist✨ _________________________________________
“Garcia, I need you to look into high school teachers, who are suspended or fired for inappropriate behavior towards students and live in the area of the kidnappings”, Hotch orders in a stern voice. But you can’t blame him, after all there are currently six dead teenage girls and one missing. One can only hope and work as fast as possible to get her back to her parents alive.
The team is working a case in Sacramento, California. Teenage girls get abducted on their way home from school, are held for exactly a week and are killed by a simple cut to their throat. The torture they have to endure beforehand isn’t as simple. The last two also show signs of rape.
The dumbing sites are different parks all over the city. The placing happens overnight only to have the girls found the next morning by a clueless jogger or stroller.
“Let’s go over the profile again, I feel like we are missing something”, Rossi commands. His gut feeling tells him only that much, he just has to find out what it is.
“It’s a white male in his mid thirties to late forties. He blends in, so he has to be or has been a teacher. Someone who looks like they belong into a school isn’t suspicious”, Spencer counts the facts.
“The victims all look similar, probably resembling an ex-wife or girlfriend”, Morgan adds. Before he can get into the depth of the torture a phone rings.
“My lovely crime fighters, I got an address. Charles Collins. philosophy and history. Got suspended for suggestive talk towards his female students. He is also said to stare at them and certain body parts for way too long and way too obvious. Gross. Annnd that- wait”
“What is it, Garcia?” Hotch asks after a moment of silence, which is unusual for the ever bubbly tech analyst.
“You got your profile wrong. Collins doesn’t take these girls because of an ex flame.”
The team looks at each other in confusion. Garcia always stresses how she isn’t a profiler and can’t judge over people, because she only wants to see the good in them. How is she able to tell that the profile is off?
“Shoot baby girl, we don’t have much time left”, Derek urges her. He wants nothing more than to have this SOB finally behind bars. The whole team wants that.
“He has a daughter. Technically it’s not his daughter, it’s someone else’s, but he is her foster father. Go and please save both girls!”
Penelope doesn’t have to say it twice. After a brief thank you and goodbye the team is on their way to the given address. As soons as they get there, everyone notices the absence of a car in the driveway. Hotch sends Spencer, Emily and Derek through the back door, the rest goes in from the front.
“FBI! OPEN UP!”
It’s needless to say that nobody opens up. There is no other way than kicking the doors down.
After entering the house and clearing the first floor, Rossi points towards the stairs that leads to the first story. There are only two rooms. A bathroom right hand and a closed door left hand.
Morgan counts quietly down before also kicking this door down and screaming “FBI!” But he seemingly talks with air, because there is no one to be found. Once again the team swarms out to look for evidence or clues.
As Spencer looks through the room they cleared last, he sees various things that make him smile. Several bookshelves are flooded with all kinds of genres, authors and covers. At first he can’t make out in which way they are sorted. But a closer look makes him realize that they are sorted by the author’s birth year. The doctor is kind of impressed, because that means the person knows when they are born in order to find a certain book. He likes the idea, it is a nice little challenge.
While he investigates further a sound makes him stop. He sends a text to Emily and waits for her. When she enters the room Spencer gestures to her to keep it quiet. Then he points to the bed.
They lower themselves down to the floor at the same time on each side of it. A girl, no older than 14 years, lays there shivering in angst. With big doe eyes she looks at Spencer and whispers:
“Please don’t hurt me.”
A while later the team is back at the station with the girl sitting in one of the interrogation rooms. The temperature is already set down, though Hotch feels really bad for it. Still there is another girl out there waiting to be safed.
“Baby girl, what can you give us on her?” Morgan sets his phone in the middle of the table and switches the speaker on.
“Our little girl’s name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N), fourteen years old. Parents were deemed to be unable to look after her since they are both heavy drug addicts and didn’t even register her crying for two hours straight. Since the age of six months she bounces through the system with nobody wanting to keep her longer than two years. They claim she is too smart for them and want somebody to look after her, who can challenge her intellectually.
“Collins took her in one and a half years ago. He got her signed up in several activities after school, like chess and academic decathlon. As of right now she is a junior with an opportunity to graduate next year. Her teachers describe her as incredibly bright with a complicated way of thinking.”
“Complicated way of thinking? Her intelligence was neglected for years, so she gave herself her own challenges. I found her books sorted by the birth year of the authors. She found ways of making things more difficult for herself, that’s why she fabricated strange ways of thinking. This is often found in children with high intelligence, who are not boosted enough by their environment”, Spencer explains, getting more and more furious.
His colleagues feel that this is a sensitive subject for their resident genius. JJ comfortably puts a hand on his shoulder, making the tense go away.
“Emily and Dave, I want both of you to interrogate her. We need to know where he hides the girls. JJ, try to hold the press off for a bit longer. Morgan, Reid, I want you to watch and look for tells or anything else”, Aaron orders.
Everyone works on their given task immediately.
You don’t need to be a profiler to see that (Y/N) is scared out of her mind. She has her feet on her chair and her head lies on her knees. When the two agents enter, she tries to at least fake some kind of composer. But she fails miserably at it.
“Hello (Y/N), may I call you that?” Emily begins in a soft voice. The teenager nods shyly. “Good, (Y/N). My name is Emily Prentiss and this is David Rossi. We are agents from the Behavior Analysis Unit from the FBI. Do you know why you are here?” The teenager shakes her head.
“Ok, let’s cut the chase”, David's voice booms through the small room. “You know exactly why you are here. From what we saw in your room you are an incredibly smart girl. How high is your IQ? 130? 135?”
“147 a-actually”, she nervously corrects the agent, never meeting his eye. The team notices this fairly quickly.
“Even better, normal people don’t know their IQ. So you know what your forster father does. You saw the news, you read the papers, you heard your classmates talk. In addition to that, the girls look alarmingly similar to you. And all of the sudden Charles is more often out than usual. So do us a favor and come clear.” Then he pulls out a picture from a manila folder on the table. Emily tries to intervene.
“Rossi, don’t. She is not the UnSub. (Y/N) is just unfortunate to be at the wrong place.” “She might as well be another UnSub if she doesn’t do anything to help us. Do you know how long you are going to jail for helping hi-”
“I don’t know anything. I- of course I saw what is h-happening. A-and I connected the dots a long time a-ago. You know, Charles lost his job and that’s a stressor. T-then Child Service was investigating him, because of the suspension’s reasons. I-I couldn’t do anything. I had no evidence, the police wouldn’t believe me. I asked him once wh-what he thinks about, you know, what’s happening. He slapped me and told me to not talk about it again. I’m so sorry, I wanna help. The only thing that comes into my mind is an old cabin he once mentioned when I first arrived at his. B-but I don’t know if it helps you. P-please, I don’t want to go to jail or juvenile, I-” Then (Y/N) breaks down into tears.
Emily is in an instant by her side trying to calm her down, while Hotch gives the information to Garcia. As soon as she finds the location, JJ takes a seat next to (Y/N) and the rest of the team flies out.
“You don’t have to be scared of him anymore, Sweetheart. My colleagues will find him and he will be tried and convicted. He will never be a threat to you again”, the blonde tries to comfort her.
“Whenever I leave an abusive home, there will be another one that’s exactly the same. The only difference with Charles was that he seemed to understand me. He helped me. There’s nobody who is willing to do what he did for me”, she admits sadly.
It breaks JJ’s heart, because her words are true. Even though he is a killer, Collins did help her. But she is also determined to show the young girl that he isn’t the only one who can do that. That there are more people out there, who are kind and as helpful if not more.
Not long after this the team brings the man into the station, Morgan guiding him with a deadbolt-like grip.
Rossi spots (Y/N) in a break room with a hot drink in her hands. While making his way over there, Spencer follows him. He wants to talk with her as well.
“(Y/N) I’m sincerely sorry if I hurt you earlier. I didn’t intend to scare you, we just had to act quickly and you were the only source of information available. I also wanted to tell you, that your achievements are astonishing and I guarantee you a bright future, maybe even at the FBI”, he winks at the end of his last sentence.
“I understand, Agent Rossi. But doesn’t everybody know their IQ? I assumed everybody gets at least tested once in their life in some way”, she asks with surprise in her voice.
At that the older man is speechless. Of all things she could accuse him of legitimately, (Y/N) goes with the most innocent question.
“Actually, not everybody gets tested. A reliable test has to be done by a psychologist and most people don’t go to one. Furthermore there has to be a valid reason to do one, that’s why a great part of the population doesn’t know their IQ”, intervenes Spencer. He has to infodump, since the last time was over half an hour ago.
“But you also have to differentiate between the several kinds of intelligence, because intelligence is way more than being good at math. There…”
Rossi stopped listening to the excited interaction between the two geniuses. Instead he watches their body languages and facial expressions. He hasn’t seen both of them more at calm than they are now.
After all there might be a way for (Y/N) to get a little Happy End.
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x daughter!reader#spencer reid x teen!reader#bau x reader#bau x teen!reader#david rossi x reader#david rossi x teen!reader#jennifer jereau x reader#jennifer jereau x teen!reader#derek morgan#aaron hotchner#penelope garcia#emily prentiss#emily prentiss x reader#emily prentiss x teen!reader#bau#Criminal Minds#criminal minds fanfiction#fanfiction#x reader#reader insert
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Fate and Phantasms #200
Wow, what a milestone, huh? It feels like only yesterday we were building Mash. Didn't even know you could grab multiple fighting styles back then. We were also one person back then. Things change. Things change even faster when you have magic eyes that let you bend anything you can see, so let's hurry up and build Asagami Fujino already. She is a Quandrix Sorcerer to tear apart anything she lays eyes on, as well as expand her field of vision beyond what her eyes can see. Dangerous combination, that.
Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!
Next up: In the dark of the night, evil will find you! (If Rasputin ever become a playable character I am really going to regret using that one here.)
Wait, what's that...
Race and Background
No surprises here, Fujino is a Variant Human, because normal humans can't tear people apart with their mind. That means she gets +1 Dexterity and Charisma, as well as proficiency with Perception (kind of her deal) and the Tough feat. HP isn't just how much body you have to get hurt, it's also how badly getting hurt affects you. Fujino's deadened sense of pain means she can take hits and keep going, purely due to the fact that she doesn't realize she should stop. That means you're getting an extra 2 HP each level.
Fujino is a schoolgirl, so the closest thing we have is the Cloistered Scholar background. That gives you History and Nature proficiency.
Ability Scores
Your highest score should be Charisma. Your magic eyes are an innate part of you, and it's really easy to be frightening when you can tear a bridge down around you. Second highest should be Constitution, for the reasons we outlined in your background feat. Your Dexterity should probably be pretty high, you fight in clothing, and you fought against Shiki for more than five seconds without dying. That's impressive. Your Intelligence isn't that bad, though you're still going through school. We aren't dumping Strength, it's alright, but we are dumping Wisdom. You have a hard time feeling yourself and feeling connected to other people.
Class Levels
You're a Sorcerer, giving you proficiency with Constitution and Charisma saves, as well as proficiency with the Intimidation and Arcana skills. You've got magic implanted in your face, and again, bridge. As a Sorcerer, you can cast spells using your Charisma. Blade Ward deadens your senses further, giving you resistance to physical damage types for a round. Mending lets you twist a small item back together, instead of tearing it apart. Sword Burst is a short range bending... sorta. Force damage is hard to quantify. But it's free, so that's nice. You can also Shape Water to bend liquids to your will. For first level spells, Mage Armor helps you not die, and Magic Missile lets you shoot little bursts of twistiness that'll never miss. You also join the school of Quandrix, which gives you the starting gift of the spells Guidance and Guiding Bolt. They aren't super in character, but they're free, so suck it up. More Importantly, you learn Functions of Probability, helping you bend luck in your favor. When you cast a leveled spell targeting a creature, you can add an effect to a nearby creature (yourself included). A Diminishing Function forces a wisdom save (DC 8 + Chr mod + proficiency), and if it fails it subtracts 1d6 from the next attack roll it makes this round. Turns out swordfighting is hard when your sword is a corkscrew. Alternatively, a Supplemental Function lets a creature add a d6 to an attack or save made in the next round. This part is less believable, but if you're creative I'm sure it'll look good.
Second level sorcerers are a Font of Magic, giving you sorcery points equal to your level per long rest. You can turn them into slots, or turn slots into points. Eventually you can do other things. Also, you can cast Thunderwave now. It destroys objects, you destroy objects, it's a match made in heaven.
Now that you're a third level sorcerer, you can make your spells truly your own thanks to Metamagic! If you cast a Heightened spell, one creature in its effect has disadvantage on their save against it. If you cast an Empowered spell, you can re-roll a couple damage dice. Tearing people in half is generally hard to avoid, and kind of damaging. You can also bend the air itself by casting Dust Devil, creating a Medium sized tornado, dealing damage to creatures nearby and pushing them around. It'll even pick up dust and make things hard to see, though that's kind of a drawback for you.
Use your very first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Charisma. Kind of a spell-based build, to be honest. Speaking of, Mage Hand probably doesn't have much tearing force behind it, but it's free. You can also cast Shatter for more indiscriminate destruction.
Fifth level sorcerers gain third level spells like Clairvoyance! Now you can see a bird's eye view of the battlefield, tearing your way through it like, well, you.
At sixth level it's about time you started bending the earth to your will. You can Velocity Shift nearby creatures if they start their turn or move within 30' of you. If they fail a charisma save you can shove them to any other point within 30' of you. You can react this way 30' per long rest. Twist debris at people and watch them scatter, it's fun. To help with that, you can also cast Erupting Earth, bending the ground in a 20' cube. This forces dex saves on creatures in the cube, dealing damage and making the area difficult terrain until it's cleaned up.
Seventh level sorcerers get fourth level spells like Stoneskin for even more deadened senses. Now you resist physical damage without having to waste your action every turn. It does use your concentration, but it lasts an hour.
Another ASI! Max out your Charisma for super special eyes. You can also Control Water to create truly damaging whirlpools. There's other options, but whirlpools! Who'd want anything else?
Oh hey, I found something you might want else. It's fifth level spell Bigby's Hand! You can grab people and play with them like a stress ball. Technically there isn't a twisting option, but a Grasping Hand is probably the best you'll do. It'll grapple a huge or smaller creature, and if it successfully does so you can Crush it as a bonus action for damage.
Another Metamagic option! Technically these spells are all just you looking at things, so grab Subtle Spell so you don't have to yell out all your attack names. You can also Mold Earth. It's not that powerful, but it's free twisting. You also get Telekinesis! Again, no "twisting" in the rules, but it's strong enough to lift an object of 1000 pounds, and fine enough to open a door. Their heads should be popping off here.
Sixth level spells! Here are the big boys of the spell world. If you twist anything enough, eventually it'll Disintegrate, dealing plenty of force damage and leaving behind a mess you can't even revive. A little too clean for Fujino, but it's destructive enough.
ASI time. Bump up Constitution for a thicker skin and more HP. HP changes retroactively, so you get an extra 12 HP here.
Did you know turning into rotini is painful? Your enemies certainly know that, thanks to Power Word Pain. If a charmable creature has 100 HP or less, their speed drops to 10', and it gets disadvantage on all attacks, checks, and saves, aside from constitution saves. If it tries to cast a spell, it'll be wasted if it can't pass a constitution save. The target stays in pain forever until it can pass a constitution save.
Cool, so fun thing about these Multi Class Subclasses! As long as you're the correct level, you can take any one feature they have each time you hit the appropriate level in your main class. Since the highest requirement is 14, we're taking Quantum Tunneling now, and we'll pop back to the other one later. Your senses permanently deaden, giving you complete resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage. You can also bend your way through any physical objects, as long as you're willing to deal with a halved movement speed and 1d10 damage each square you move. You also have to end your turn in an empty spot. Playing to character this should leave a huge hole behind you, but maybe you're conscientious? You weren't raised in a barn, after all.
Your eighth level spell is Earthquake. Now no structure in your view is safe from your destructive powers. Tear open the earth, shatter structures, and interrupt concentration, there's nothing you can't do!
Bump up your Dexterity this ASI. Not getting hit is still pretty useful, even if you can't feel it.
Remember when I said turning into rotini hurts? I was wrong. Actually, it kills you. Please grab Power Word Kill to reflect these changes. You have become death, destroyer of mages. You also learn how to cast Distant Spells, doubling your spell's range. Your range should be "anywhere in sight", so this is a step in the right direction.
Okay, I guess we'll grab Null Equation. Once per turn you can twist up a creature you damaged. If they fail a constitution save, they get disadvantage on strength and dexterity saves, and they only deal half damage with weapon attacks, all for a round. You can do this Proficiency times per long rest. Again, real hard to hit people when your femurs are spring shaped.
Use your last ASI for more Constitution for more HP and better concentration.
We've finally done it, we've made a pure sorcerer build! It's time to finally learn the dark secret of the Sorcerer capstone. What feature could be so powerful we've completely avoided it for 200 builds? It's Sorcerous Restoration. You get 4 sorcery points per short rest. It's not good. Sorry.
Pros and Cons
Pros:
You're good at dealing damage, and your most powerful spells deal Force damage, which almost nothing blocks against. That means you're consistent and deadly, a solid combination.
You're so good at damage that it isn't just limited to creatures. Use telekinesis, mold earth, and shatter to tear apart structures that are getting in your way. Walls? Torn down. Steel Beams? Melted. Bridges? Falling down.
Despite spending your entire time in a class with the worst hit dice imaginable, you're pretty tough to kill, with just over 200 HP, a decent AC for a spellcaster, and permanent resistance to physical damage types. To make things worse for fighters, it's also a pain to get near you, since you can tear up the area around you and shunt melee fighters away as a reaction.
Cons:
While you do have magic missile, a lot of your spells deal damage in wide areas, so your party might have words with you about using earthquake one too many times.
While you're good at tearing things up, that's just about all your magic can do. There's the occasional Clairvoyance and some defensive spells, but by and large you're either dealing damage or doing nothing.
Despite your great physical defense, you struggle a bit more against other damage types. If you end up fighting someone who can turn their knife into psychic damage, you might have a problem on your hands.
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Hi lise....How are you? If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite “villains” (or antagonists) in all of MXTX novels? (Whether you want to do a ranking or just write out in no particular order)...Sorry if you've answered this question before....
I am stressed, depressed, and holding off a mental breakdown but keeping it together so far! and distractions in the form of thinking about my villain beloveds help.
asdlskjadf oh man. so it’s not quite “all of them” but it is... “several.” no ranking here because rankings are hard, so here’s in no particular order my personal greatest antagonist hits from mxtx’s novels
(this post will contain hella spoilers just to let you guys know)
1. He Xuan. I just finished (well, for a given value of ‘just’) rereading the Black Water Arc again and ahhhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. I love He Xuan so much, I love everything he chooses to do, I love the fact that he has a choice between revenge and a friendship he does seem to value and ultimately still chooses revenge, I love his cold anger, I love the part where he just fuckin...rips Shi Wudu’s head off with his bare hands, RIP Water Master but that was pretty badass.
But yeah, I think what most draws me toward him is that...pull, where you can see him trying to give Shi Qingxuan an out, and he’s not going to abandon his revenge, would never, but he will bend it just a little, or he would...but ultimately Shi Qingxuan fails the tests he gives them and that’s it.
Also “you called the wrong name” will probably live in my head, as they say, rent free, with lines from literature that stick with me.
2. Xue Yang. Obviously. I feel like...I don’t even know how to talk about him here without repeating myself. Love at first sight and I never looked back. It only got worse. There’s a whole lot of buttons that he’s hitting all at once and...god, idk, okay, I’ve written more fics about him in a year and change than I wrote in the entire Silmarillion fandom between 2009-2021, and some of those are long. It’s a lot.
3. Jin Guangyao. I feel like I don’t always talk enough about Jin Guangyao and that’s mostly because I feel like other people have said the things I’d want to say but better already? But...god, love him. He’s such a psychological mess of paranoia and anxiety and insecurity, he’s so up in his head, constantly thinking about three or four things at once, is he enjoying the experience? Not necessarily.
I’m always going to be a sucker for a clever schemer and Jin Guangyao’s got that going for him, and I also really enjoy a good juxtaposition between seeming fragility and insane endurance/ability to keep going well past the point it’s reasonable. His drive to escape his origins, to prove himself, to gain an approval that’s always going to be just out of reach...I’m love him. Very very much.
4. Shen Jiu. Does he count, considering he’s mostly SIr Not Appearing In This Novel with the exception of the extras? I’m counting him. It feels very silly and also very me that my favorite SVSSS character is this guy because like...he’s not even technically present in the novel proper as an actual person? Even Xiao Xingchen at least gets a corpse cameo.
Whatever, I’m counting him anyway. I was going to be like “I know he’s awful” but come on, this is a list of antagonists and I love characters dealing horribly with their trauma and also passing their trauma on to others in the worst way, and also characters who come to bad ends, and also characters who will see people thinking the worst of them and go “fine! sure! I will do nothing to correct these assumptions at all because fuck it, if people are going to hate me might as well go all in.”
5. Jun Wu. I know, I know! I feel like this is maybe the most unpopular of mine actually but I have a thing for...antagonists who are disappointed idealists who are now trying to ruin everyone else’s day/life to prove their point while at the same time (this is a read, but I think I can support it) wanting to be proved wrong, but also absolutely certain that they won’t. And his interactions with Xie Lian in book four as Bai Wuxiang are...well. they sure do hit a nail shaped like my character dynamic kinks right on the head
and I’ll talk about this more in my favorite TGCF moments answer that’s forthcoming (I’m just finishing the book first so I don’t forget anything!), but I also find the conclusion to his arc very satisfying in ways that I very seldom get in media.
honorable mentions: Ling Wen (honorable mention only because I don’t know that she actually counts, she’s only an ‘antagonist’ for a hot minute and she doesn’t actually do anything to our protagonists to seriously hurt them), Shen Qingqiu’s internalized homophobia (honestly probably the biggest antagonist of SVSSS, lbr), Xie Lian on a rampage, He Xuan’s skeleton fish.
I do also have a soft spot for Bingge even though we only see him for a hot minute. he’s just awful and a disaster and I love that for him.
are we counting Jiang Cheng as an antagonist? because I don’t but if we were he’d be on this list too.
honestly the only antagonists I actively dislike (as opposed to just find relatively uninteresting) are Jin Guangshan and Jin Zixun.
#thanad zid#conversating#the sad queer cultivators show#dysfunctional gods and ghost kinks#i need a custom svsss tag#i'm not going to tag this as meta because it's just me like. fucking gushing#but i will tag it as#top five meme#so i can find it again and since i did end up with five
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Oh mars rovers are cool! I don't know much about them except for that they sent a new one out lately, right?
glad you asked. so,
The first mars rover (technically) was on board the Mars 2 mission from the soviet union. of course, mars 2 crashed and burned becsuse of a messed up entry angle and the landing systems failing to work (probably, the exact cause of mission failure is unknown) and the rover never deployed. Mars 2 was the first man-made object on mars and it was also the first man-made crater on mars.
Mars 3 (mars 2's twin mission) also had a rover. That mission as techically a success, because it transmitted an image back to earth:
this is the worst picture i have ever seen. i am made of salt right now. i can rant for half an hour about how much this picture sucks. the soviet union counted this mission as a success. the lander stopped functioning 70-110 seconds later and the rover was never deployed. "You can clearly see the horizen and the landmasses" shut up that is literally tv static. this picture activates my fight or flight response but its just rage.
Mars 6 was the next lander, but like all other soviet union landers it crashed & burned. it was 1 of 4 mars missions that the soviet union sent during the 1973 mars window. of the other 3, 2 missed mars completely and failed to enter orbit. the last one (an orbiter) entered orbit successfully, then stopped working for seemingly no reason i think 9 days later.
After that amazing show of failure on the soviet union's part, Nasa sent out Viking 1 and Viking 2. their purpose was to test for signs of former life on mars. Viking one had 3 negative and one positive test, and Viking 2 had 2 negative and 2 positive. Viking 2 eventually stopped working after a dust storm (i think) and it's batteries depleting. Viking 1 continued to run for over 6 years (keep in mind this was an intended 90 day mission) until NASA accidentally sent a code that turned the antenna away from Earth and overrode Viking 1's ability to auto-correct. Viking 1 held the record of longest running mars mission until Opportunity shattered that record by about 9 years.
After the Vikings, NASA sent out another lander, this time a rover. The lander was named Pathfinder and the rover was named Sojourner. It had a rather small operation time in, comparison to the incredible run of Viking 1, of only 83 days. However, it had a planned 7 with a possible extension to 30, so the mission was still more than successful.
Also fun fact: the pathfinder lander is the lander that the protagonist of The Martian uses to communicate with NASA!
After that was the Mars Polar Lander, which unfortunately crashed. It lost communication with nasa and it is still lost and unfound to this day. It was supposed to search for water in the southern ice cap but again, it crashed and was lost to history.
Next was Beagle 2, sent by the European Space Agency. It landed safely, but failed to deploy 2 of its solar panels, resulting in the antenna being trapped and the batteries failing to charge fully. It was lost for 11 years, only being found in 2015, by a satalite photographing the entire planet.
After that failure, launched in the same year, was Spirit and Opportunity. Their missions were to determine if it was possible for life to exist on mars. Both of them lived long past their initial 90 sol mission, with spirit getting stuck in a sand trap in 2008 and remaining a stationary rover until 2010, when its batteries failed to charge.
Oppertunity lived from 2003 to 2018, and is the record holder for the longest mars mission at 15 years. This mars rover is as old as me, but that will change soon because I will age but oppy is stuck in time. It was stuck in sand many times but it still perservered, rolling out centimeter by centimeter. In its 15 year opperation time, oppy traveled about 28 miles. Oppy hibernated in mid 2018 due to a dust storm, and was expected to wake up in November. it did not. the mission was called in febuary 2019, and NASA sent the song "I'll be seeing you" as their last transmission.
Next was Pheonix, who was sent by NASA to study Mars's northern pole. It froze over once winter hit. I was supposed to research the history of water on mars. I concluded thay water had been on mars, but its mostly gone now. The ice is also mostly solid carbon dioxide, or dry ice. Also the entire mission cose NASA 420 million dollars and thats funny to me.
After that was Curiosity! Curiosity was, as of two days ago, the only working rover on Mars. Curiosity is studying the geology and the makeup of the rocks on mars. It has also traveled 15 miles, as of Jan 30, 2021.
Last but certainly not least is Perseverance! Percy is the rover who just landed yesterday. Its landing was the most rough one NASA has ever attempted. In fact, they invented a whole new method of landing, involving several cameras pointed directly at the ground to find a safe spot. Percy's job is to study its crater, Jezero Crater, for any signs of past life. Jezero crater is the best bet we have for finding past life because it still has a well-preserved delta from back when it was a lake. Also the lake is from around the same time that life was evolving on Earth.
As a part of its mission, Percy will make little samples from the martian surface and leave them for a return trip to Earth. I dont remember exactly when, but NASA is planning on making a rover that will collect the samples and then go back to a MAV (mars accent vehicle) {yes its the same name is in The Martian} and return the samples to earth so we, on earth, can study the samples and try to determine once and for all if there could have been life on mars.
#wow that was a ramble and a half#hope u dont mind#u said u didnt know much about them and my brain went into presentation mode#pinned this post so hopefully people are a bit less confused when they come to my blog
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The Difference Between Boys & Girls | o5
summary: Sam & Erin are university students who share a cheap one bedroom apartment above a shitty takeaway restaurant. Due to the limited space, they’ve grown accustomed to sharing just about everything, including the occasional kiss.
pairing: Jung Hoseok (Samuel Park) feat. Park Jimin (Brian Yi) x Named OC characters: meet the cast.
genre: angst, smut, fluff word count: 4.5k chapters: o1| o2| o3| o4| o5| o6| o7| o8| o9| 10| 11| 12| 13| 14 warning: boyfriend!hoseok, jealous!hoseok, friends to lovers trope, college au, angst, sexual themes, slow burn
a/n: still a fool. still reuploading.
Erin-ah have you eaten? ...Sure. Are you lying to me? I haven't eaten yet but I will soon, I promise. :) Well now I don't trust you ㅡ.,ㅡ^;) Should I bring you something? Lol, nooo I'm fine really! ^.^~
Brian smiled gently as his eyes darted across the screen, reading Erin's message twice before locking his cell phone and placing it back in his pocket. It had only been about three weeks since he'd first met Erin but he was confident in the fact that he knew her well enough to know that if she hadn't eaten anything substantial by twelve o'clock in the afternoon she wasn't going to make the effort to have a real meal for the rest of that day and Brian just couldn't allow that to happen. So he chose to ignore her promise and take her a meal anyway, he was already out running a few errands and planned on dropping by her apartment for a surprise visit later that day.
Though they’d only known each other for close to a month now, in that month they had been out together on three dates, well four if you count the time they ran into each other at a laundry mat and shared an ice cream while they waited for the clothes to dry. It wasn't something he initially expected to happen that night after they met at his viewing but Brian was genuinely enjoying getting to know Erin better, she was so much different from the usual type of woman he chased. Where most of the women he tended to be attracted to were vapid and sometimes downright silly; Erin had a solid head on her shoulders, the way she spoke about what she was learning at her university and her plans for the future with so much passion and intensity was such an inspiration to him. Even though they were spending so much time getting to know one another and in Brian's mind Erin was already his girlfriend, the pair still hadn't had a conversation about being exclusive. That was something that Brian planned on rectifying today.
Three short knocks were thumped against Erin and Samuel's apartment door before Brian pressed his ear to the door to make sure that the muffled noises he was hearing were actually coming from Erin's door and that he wasn't just hearing things. His suspicions were confirmed when the door swung open and the racket of mixed voices and blaring 8-bit music hit Brian with full force.
"You can't claim victory if you win on a technicality, Sammy! I fell off the edge you didn't touch me!"
Erin was screaming at the top of her lungs with her head turned in the opposite direction, giving Brian a few seconds to scan her body which made his jaw go slack slightly and his eyebrows knit together with confusion since she wasn't wearing anything but her underwear and a tank top.
"I-um..." Brian stammered and his grip on the plastic bags tightened, but words seemed to fail him until Erin turned to face him and gave him a bright smile.
"Brian! What are you doing here I said you didn't have to come by," she squealed and lunged forward to wrap her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek before dragging him inside and out of the cold air of the hallway.
He nodded and slowly and leaned his back against the door, daring himself to look up and down Erin's body again just to make sure he wasn't imagining this. "Uh, yeah. You said you hadn't eaten, and I was in the neighbourhood so I bought you something..." He paused for a second then looked from Erin over to Sammy who was currently seated on the edge of the couch hunched over with a controller in his hands and just as undressed as Erin was.
"Am I interrupting something?" Brian asked as his nostrils flared and he did nothing to conceal the tone of anger in his voice.
Erin raised an eyebrow at his sudden change in mood but followed his gaze down her own body before hanging her head forward and laughing slightly. "No, no. We fixed our heater!" She explained as she took one of the plastic bags from him and hooked an arm around Brian's to lead him over to the couch "It's been broken for like three months but Sammy's friend, Dun-kim-"
"Du-Jin" Sammy corrected without looking up from the screen.
"Right. Du-jin, why can't I remember that? Anyway, he's crazy good at reverse engineering things so he came over today and fixed it for us! We've been celebrating the warmth by lounging around in our underwear and kicking Sammy's ass in Super Smash Bros."
That accusation finally made Samuel pause the game and look over, at Erin only. "Would you like me to pull up the records because I don't think winning two games out of six is considered 'kicking someone's ass'" He teased and leaned back against the couch cushions only to be hit in the head by a flying throw pillow.
Brian was still at a loss for words, his eyes squinted together as he tried to figure out whether the explanation actually made him feel better. The way Erin said 'lounging around in our underwear' so casually made it seem like this was an ongoing occurrence and just the thought of another man's eyes roaming over Erin's body made a pang of jealousy flash up within the boy's heart.
"O-oh." He eventually said, "That's... not weird at all."
Erin grinned and pressed her warm palms to his cool cheeks, silently thanking him for being understanding. She knew it must have been weird for him, and if she had walked in on him in his underwear with a female roommate, she would have jumped to the same conclusions he probably did.
"Yah, who are you to call me weird?" The petite brunette taunted with a playful wink and moved to rest the bag she'd taken from him on their living room table. "You are spoiling me, do you know that?" Erin queried as she tucked her feet beneath her bottom and took a seat at the table before motioning for Brian to put down his bag and join her, which he did, settling right next to her and wrapping his arm possessively around her waist so that he could pull her close to his side.
"Sammy was just about to make us something to eat, you didn't have to spend any money on me."
"I wanted to make sure you're taking care of yourself" Brian answered with a wide smirk and a playful tap against the tip of Erin's nose. She reciprocated by scrunching her nose upwards and leaning forward to peck his lips.
Sam was sure that if he had to spend another second watching them, he would end up vomiting or decking Brian in his face.
Maybe both.
"I'm going to leave," Samuel said, rather abruptly, and got up from his seat on the couch.
"Hm? Oh no, Sammy you should stay," Erin implored, watching him approach the bedroom over Brian's shoulder "There's more than enough food for all of us and you haven't eaten either."
Brian's lips fell into a flat line but he didn't verbally object, he had been looking forward to eating alone with Erin but he knew her roommate had just as much right to stay if he wanted to.
Samuel stared back at Erin, seriously thinking about her request even though he knew there was no way he wanted to spend the afternoon eating with the guy Erin was seeing. When they made eye contact Erin pouted and mouthed the word 'please', making Sammy groaned and buried his face in his hands because he had never been able to say no to her when she pulled that face.
"Fine," he sighed "But I'm not eating without a shirt."
"I appreciate that!" Brian commented with a gentle laugh "Are you sure you don't want to put on some pants or... something?" He asked Erin in a murmured voice once Sam was out of the room.
"Why? You seem to like all the exposed skin" Erin retorted and nodded her head toward the spot on her thigh where Brian's hand was, he didn't even realise that he had been caressing the area with a gentle touch since he sat down.
His lips spread into a shy smile once he noticed but he didn't stop, if anything he applied more pressure into tip of his fingers that rested against Erin's upper thigh "I can't help it, your skin is so soft and smooth" Brian whispered and leaned down to capture Erin's lips in a teasing kiss, he gently pressed his lips against Erin's upper lip for less than a few seconds then leaned down to suck on her lower lip before pulling back and moving in to repeat his actions.
Erin put a hand against his chest and stopped him from moving forward a third time, "Well if you're going to be doing that, I need to put some pants on" She laughed, pulled away and stood to her feet while swatting away Brian's playful hands.
"Come on, I'm fine with it now" Brian called after her, but Erin ignored him and his gaze that was focused in on her ass as she shook her head and walked away.
Erin tapped lightly against the bedroom before pushing it open and going inside, not waiting to make sure that Samuel was even done getting dressed.
"So does it take this long to put on a shirt?" She asked out loud as her eyes moved over to Sammy who was laying down on the bed scrolling through his phone, still shirtless.
"I thought I'd let you and your boyfriend have some quality time, sounds like he appreciated it," Sam replied as his head tilted in Erin's direction.
"Were you listening to us?"
"The walls are thin and you're a noisy kisser, I couldn't not hear it," Sam said with a shuddering cringe.
Erin gasped softly and bounded toward the bed, "You pervert!" she exclaimed with a laugh as she leaned over him to swat his shoulders with the pair of sweatpants in her hands. Sam guffawed and did his best to dodge the attacks, eventually deciding to grab Erin's wrists and hold them against his chest to stop her. She sighed softly and opened her palms to rest against Samuel's bare skin as she switched her position from kneeling on the edge of the bed to sitting down.
"He's not really my boyfriend y'know," Erin spoke up and grazed the fingernail of her index finger over Sam's flesh. "We've been out a few times and we talk a lot but we haven't really talked about being exclusive..."
Sam nodded and pressed his lips firmly together in thought. A big part of him wanted to be supportive and reassure her that Brian might have just been waiting for the right time to talk about it, but the petty part of him wanted to play up the doubt that may have been taking root in Erin's heart.
"Maybe he's just waiting for a good moment to making official" Samuel counseled with a smile, choosing to be a good friend and ignore his base desires. "You should get back out there," he said while releasing her wrists from his hands and sitting up.
"Yeah... maybe" Erin exhaled while looking down at Sam, he had this knack for saying exactly what she wanted and didn't want to hear whenever they talked about Brian. She loved that he didn't outright hate him but there was still that nagging in the back of her mind that hoped he would give her something that pointed toward wanting to be with her. Erin shook her head to refocus herself and stood up again, "Put on a shirt and come and eat with us, I don't like knowing you haven't eaten anything."
Sam nodded and gave Erin a thumbs up as she pulled on his sweatpants and walked back out to the living room. Samuel pressed his closed fist against his forehead and silently cursed the air, flopping back against the mattress. "I'm going to go crazy..."
By the time Erin made her way out of the bedroom Brian had already set out the dishes he brought with him, it wasn't anything fancy just comfort food meant to fill the belly yet Erin's stomach grumbled loudly at the sight. She was a lot hungrier than she realised.
"Oh, this looks so good, Brian" Erin spoke with gusto while returning her seat next Brian her head leaning against his shoulder as his arm found its way around her waist again.
Brian pressed his lips to the side of Erin's head and smiled pleasantly, enjoying the comforting feeling of having her body pressed against him. At least, he was comforted until Sammy emerged from the bedroom, thankfully with a shirt on, and joined the couple at the table. He took a seat across from them and spread his lips into an eerily complacent smile.
"So, is it just the... one bedroom here?" Brian said as everyone began feeding themselves "You two don't share that do you?"
"Not usually," Sam answered flatly while scooping a serving of rice and meat into his mouth.
Erin choked slightly on the rice she'd recently swallowed and waved both Brian and Samuel off when they asked if she was okay. She took a loud gasp of air into her lungs when she was able to breathe normally again and tried to add some context to Samuel's answer "No, we don't share it. I mean Sam keeps his clothes in there because he can't put them anywhere else but the couch here pulls out and I have the bed all to myself."
"Oh, cool" Brian nodded and continued eating silently.
Sam's lips curled upward however, he knew it was devious of him to relish in the very probable fact that Brian would excuse himself from Erin's life without Samuel having to resort to petty tricks. Sure, Erin might be sad for a bit but that's what he was there for.
Brian's head picked up for a second while he was chewing and his eyes darted around the entirety of Samuel's and Erin's living room; despite it being the holidays there wasn't anything to represent the season in the apartment.
"Erin-ah,"
"Yes?"
"Do you not celebrate Christmas?"
Erin opened her mouth to answer but then looked over at Sammy and they both started laughing. "Not exactly, I mean we exchange gifts but we don't do the whole decorations and tree thing" she replied through the laughter.
"Is there a reason why not?" Brian asked cautiously since they were both still laughing and he had yet to hear anything funny.
"Oh my god. Okay, so when we moved in together Sam and I made a vow to not put up any decorations or anything like that because of what happened the last time we did. We were at my parents house and Sam thought it would be a smart idea to decorate the tree by ourselves and I guess we put too many lights on it or the tree was too dry or something because we all got woken up in the middle of the night to a fire in my parents living room," Erin said, still chuckling "It's funny now but we really thought we would die when it happened. Ever since then we both decided it's just safer to not decorate and do our gift exchange at a bar if we can't visit our parents, which I don't think we'll be able to do this year."
The remnants of a smile still played on Sam's lips but he stopped smiling so widely when Erin mentioned visiting their parents for the holidays. He had yet to tell her that he had the ability to go back to Busan if he wanted to but he was deciding to stay in the city for her. That wasn't a detail she needed to know right then, so he just went back to eating.
"Wow, you set fire to the tree on Christmas? I feel like that's a signal of the antichrist or a really evil grinch," Brian smirked down at Erin who scoffed and flicked a clump of hair away from his eyes.
"It wasn't on purpose!" She argued, "And besides it was mostly Sammy's idea anyway, I wanted to wait for everyone else."
Samuel pursed his lips and gave Erin a disbelieving look "But it was your idea to put on that extra layer of string lights" he revealed then turned his attention to Brian "I'm pretty sure they caused the fire." It was the first sentence Samuel had said directly to Brians for the day and even though it only contained eight words, but it was still a start.
Erin groaned threw her head back and landed against Brian's shoulder; who was still laughing. "Alright, fine I'm the antichrist what are either of you gonna do about it?"
"We could start by getting you some actual- nonflammable- decorations to put up," Brian offered and curled his arm around Erin's shoulders, making Samuel's blood pressure spike just slightly. "What do you think, Sam? This weekend all three of us could go to the mall and look for stuff."
Samuel knew he could respond in two different ways, he could decline and let Erin and Brian go alone which would probably just draw them closer thus allowing Erin to slip just a little further away from him, or he could agree to go and risk wanting fight Brian even more than he did right now. It was instinct to go with the first option but Sam knew it would mean a lot to Erin if he attempted to get along with Brian, even if it was fake. There was also the possibility that him just being there would work out in his favour, he and Erin just had a natural kind of chemistry that overshadowed everything and everyone else when they were together. With any luck, the shopping trip would just be another nail in Brian's coffin.
"Yeah, that sounds fun" Sam agreed with a smile that Erin reciprocated.
With the three of them eating it took less than an hour for the group to finish all the food that Brian brought over, and once they were finished eating and sharing a bottle of flavoured soju Erin received from her boss she convinced Brian to stick around and compete in their ongoing Smash Bros. tournament. Everyone seemed to forget about the previous awkwardness once the soju flowed and a few rounds of the video game passed. It was well after ten o'clock when Brian finally decided that it was time for him to say goodbye.
"Do you really have to go?" Erin frowned as she watched Brian stand up and stretch.
"Yeah, I do," He answered with a reassuring smile "I've got a meeting in the morning and I need the sleep."
Erinn huffed and folded her arms against her stomach but followed Brian toward the front door anyway. She grinned when he waved goodbye to Sam who responded with a peace sign and intertwined her fingers with his once they were out into the hallway. She wanted to walk him downstairs but Brian protested and asked her to say goodbye in the hall instead.
"Thank you so much for coming today and feeding me like a child," Erin giggled and wiped her hair away from her face.
"No problem, I'm happy to take care of you. I like being able to see more of your life," Brian replied then chewed on his bottom lip "I was a little worried about your roommate being here but I kinda like him."
Erin hummed with agreement "Yeah, Sammy's great..."
A comfortable air of silence passed between them and Brian ran his thumb over the top of Erin's knuckles. The focused look in his eyes made it seem like he wanted to say something but he wasn't quite sure how to find the words. "There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about today. Um, I know we've only been getting to know each other for a little while but I was wondering if you would like to continue doing that while also dating me."
"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" Erin tittered and looked up at him with her head tilted to the side.
Brian wasn't sure why his heart was beating so fast, he was only asking her to date him not marry him and yet he felt like he had just run a marathon as he looked down at the beautiful girl smiling up at him. "Yes, but only if you want to be."
Erin's hand tightened around Brian's and her smile doubled in size before he was even finished speaking, some small part of her heart was still waiting for a sign from Sammy, but the more sensible part of her heart was telling her that this was all the sign that she needed to realise that her and Sammy would be better off remaining just friends, no matter how attracted to him she was it wouldn't make sense for her to deny the man standing in front of her just because she was waiting for the heavens to part and a divine light shine over her and Samuel.
Without words, Erin loosened her hands from Brian's; cradled his face between her palms and brought his lips down to her own, closing the space between them. Not that there was much distance between them, anyway. She kissed him slowly, with no sense of urgency like the first time. This time, it was tender, and Brian moved his hand to the small of her back and the other to the cusp of Erin's neck, pressing her lower body close to his as both their heads tilted to the opposite side to deepen the kiss. This feeling was still somewhat new and foreign to Erin, she had dated her share of men in the past but, in all honesty, dating had never been a priority for her. She had school to focus on and Sammy for human support and contact so what else could she want? But with Brian now she was beginning to feel…. different, like she wanted more but also like she didn’t.
"I would love to be your girlfriend" Erin whispered on his lips, pulling back just a few inches to look at Brian’s expression. He smiled that amazingly wide smile that made his eyes disappear which Erin absolutely loved to see.
"Good," Brian growled and hooked his index finger under Erin's chin to bring her lips back to his "I'm really happy to hear you say that" he murmured and moved to kiss her again. He brushed his tongue along Erin’s bottom lip before he pulled at it gently with his teeth, opening her mouth up to him. A gentle moan slipped past her lips the instant their tongues touched and Erin grasped at the hair on his neck a little tighter and pressing her body as close to his as her small frame would allow. Realistically she knew she would have to stop herself soon, them being in the hallway of her apartment building. She just wanted this small moment between her and Brian to last a little bit longer.
It seemed that Brian had the same idea since his hands left their places on her back and neck and moved downward to grab her waist, the back of her thighs to raise Erin into the air and press her between the wall and his body. Inherently Erin wrapped her legs around his waist and he pulled away, needing to breathe. But that didn’t stop his touching, his mouth kissing a trail down Erin's neck, nibbling and sucking just hard enough to have an effect and make her shudder and sigh with content beneath his touch. Brian's hips pushed forward, pressing into Erin's core and she moaned directly against his ear, feeling the hold she had on her self-control slipping away slowly.
The sound of someone coughing behind them stilled the overheated couple and the sight of Erin's elderly neighbour coming up the stairs made Brian drop Erin back down to her feet without a second thought. They both bowed politely to the woman who seemed to have no idea what she'd just interrupted as she greeted them warmly and waved as she entered her apartment. Brian and Erin made eye contact and silently laughed together, endorphins still buzzing between them.
"I should let you go, call me when you get home?" Erin said while fixing her tank top.
Brian nodded and pulled her forward by her neck to press his lips to her forehead "I will. Goodnight."
Back in the apartment, Samuel had already pulled out his bed and was curled up on his side by the time Erin came back inside. He felt the bed dip next to him and the scent of Brian's cologne on Erin's skin made him wince.
"Are you going to bed without saying good night? Rude," Erin whispered.
"I'm not sleeping yet, noona~" He cooed sweetly in a way that made Erin laugh and cringe at the same time.
When she walked around to his side of the bed Erin felt the urge to tell him about her moment in the hall, not the kissing, just the part about her and Brian becoming official, but now that she was looking at him she didn't feel that desire anymore. There was always tomorrow.
"Want noona to sing you to sleep?"
"Please, god, no," Samuel replied quickly "You could do that thing you used to do though, that always helped me sleep better."
Erin thought about hitting him for insulting her singing abilities but decided against it and moved around on the pullout couch so that she was laying flat on her back then held her arms open for Sammy to join her. Her hands wrapped around his body once his head was resting against her chest and Erin began gently raking her fingertips against his scalp then slowly smoothing her hand over his cheek and back up again. She could feel him exhale against her and the soft hums of pleasure he made while she held him made her smile. Erin wasn't exactly sure when they'd slept like this for the first time or why it became a habit but for whatever reason Sammy always slept like a literal baby when she ran her hands through his hair or over his skin.
"Goodnight noona, love you" Erin heard her roommate half whisper, half yawn against her skin and the words made her heart soar as they always did, no matter how many times she'd heard him say it before.
"I love you too Sammy."
#bts#bts fic#bts scenarios#bts x woc#hoseok fanfic#hoseok x oc#hoseok x reader#j hope fanfic#jung hoseok#dbbg#bngtanah
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9/7/22
Things are taking shape. I woke up in the afternoon yesterday, pulled up the apartment building website, found an application on it and... immediately nose-dove into anxiety city.
The first thing that caught my eye was Employment stuff... And I'm sitting here like... okay... how do I elegantly and succinctly let the recipient of this form know that I am a freelance artist/content creator and I really can't predict my income (hint - currently there is none), but my parents are helping out with it until it becomes sustainable, so it should be reliable. I suck at doing tests and filling out forms, it's never "fill in the correct answer" it's "fill in the answer we're expecting". Also, what the fuck gives with this layer of separation there? How about we just do a short interview and you ask me some questions? How come you give me a spot like ____________ <- that fucking big to put in info about a complicated situation. I failed a few high school classes because of that same logic, despite getting the answers correct. Figure that shit out, I got the answers to an entire test correct, but the way I did it was "incorrect", so I fail?!
Anywho... XD I freaked out about that, like "oh fuck, how am I gonna reassure these people I can actually make rent at all when I'm expecting like $200/month on paper". Had a mini-oh-shit-moment about whether I can even make the career work at all, of course. Then I got to the sections former landlords are supposed to fill out. I started going through their checklist - Has the tenant ever had utilities shut off for missed payments? (yes, a few times this year, they were autopay accidents but my landlord doesn't know that) What condition did they keep their last residence? (well, there is fungus growing through the walls, the place reeks of mildew and rotting wood, there is a 1 square foot hole in the wall right next to the sliding glass porch door and it's rotting the entire doorframe out to the point where I'm scared to open the door, the foundation is cracked, there's scuffs on the ceiling, there's a suspiciously fist size indent/hole in one of the walls that just radiates shame, the carpet is fucked, there are hookah coal burns in the carpet from times I slipped and dropped them and they melted the cheap synthetic fibers, it smells like cat litter, and I guarantee there are plenty of rodent corpses around as well, quite a free feast for them since the cat is getting older.)
I got really worried about... if my landlord tells them I was a shitty tenant. I'm not a neat-freak. When I lived with my ex, I kept things orderly, organized and clean, but when that ended, I just didn't really give a fuck. I don't really need things to be clean or orderly, and I don't really mind chaos. Surprisingly, I don't even really lose stuff. But... structure would domesticate me a bit more, so I'm a bit less feral and have more framework to live with. So I'm planning to work towards it, hoping I can meet a partner who is also somewhere in between and hopefully start shaping a home and life together. That's the end goal.
This is a long winded way of saying that I'm really messy, and turned into a bit of a hoarder too, because I really detest the idea of how everyone just throws fucking everything away nowadays. Half a dinner? Throw it in the bin. Paper towels? Toss it. I don't even like throwing away 15 year old cables that I held on to "just in case". I'm figuring it out, I gotta get in a habit of like selling my shit on eBay or something, that'd prob help out on a lot of fronts. I'd love it if someone wanted to help me figure that out, I've never done it before, could be a good thing for me. But the past few years, my place has been gross, and once I leave and my landlords find out the extent of it - which I have been deliberately hiding from them out of stupid PTSD shame, which is technically a breach of my lease... - I'm afraid they'll call my new landlord up and go "hey, just wanted to let you know that this tenant really fucked up this place, so maybe don't rent to them."
The combo of those concepts just made me start catastrophizing. Like, I can see it so vividly in the moment, it's like "fuck, I really thought this was going to work, but not only is this application going to fail, but it's going to be humiliating and potentially leave me homeless." I get the catastrophizing from both of my parents, so lucky me! My anxieties made a very compelling case and I was pretty much sold. I called up my mom immediately and tried to communicate my concerns. They were not perceived as panicking or being anxious, there was enough narrative, enough evidence there for me to really think it was just... a lost cause. Like... not even worth trying to apply, thereby avoiding having to "explain myself via my career" and avoid putting my fate into the hands of my landlords who don't talk to me.
After about an hour of going back and forth and feeling like she was trying to just tell me I was wrong, she switched methods. Or something, something changed and she started hearing me out in my concerns. We addressed them individually and it started to take shape a bit. She explained how I could just do a separate sheet of paper to explain my abnormal career situation to them, which I initially was thinking "no one reads anything over 2 paragraphs nowadays", but now think is actually a really good idea. Then we addressed the housing stuff, which she helped me realize are not goooooood but in a rural area like this are not uncommon, and it's not my fault the house was built really shitty, and I'm actually a pretty good tenant for putting up with the place falling apart around me and not making them spend a bunch of money fixing up a property they're most likely going to demolish when I leave. Most importantly, she noticed and pointed out that these things weren't my fault, which I don't think I've heard another person actually say to me. It helped me a lot to hear that.
I very often blame myself for bad situations I end up in, like I should've known better, I should've been smarter, I should've made more money, all that. I guess that's like... self-victim-blaming? I don't really like buzzwords because people associate incredibly overpowering subtext to them, but I guess that's the right kind of concept. I not only martyr myself for people, but I find a way to blame myself for shit that's happening to me. Probably part of the family scapegoat thing. I guess maybe it's a trauma thing? It sounds familiar from workshops I've been to and whatnot, in all the time I spent studying trauma, relationships and PTSD stuff. I think I need to engage with that soon and explore it more, it's a BIG one for me.
Pee break. Max tried to go for my ankles again when I was heading back to bed, she came really close too. I tried to distract her with a toy, but she just was really dead-set on it. She made some not-too-happy meows when I tried to stop her, too. She's either doing it because she wants to play and didn't get to today, or because she's in pain and trying to get my attention. It sucks to have to figure out which. Since she just sprinted out of the room and stopped to play with a ball toy quickly on the way out, I'm going to assume it's just wanting to play. It is dawn and she is a crepuscular apex carnivore, I do need to be a bit more fair with her, she's just being what she is.
I was thinking about how I really love automatic writing. I am so fucking incredibly grateful I failed out of English class in high school. It formed a fork in my personality which created the weird duality I am today. My English teacher who failed me was the father of... I think 4? sons and 2 daughters. All but one kid skateboards, the only one I knew personally was the one who didn't, of course... They actually became pros, all of them. And started their own company. They're really good. I never got to know any of them, I skated with the youngest like once or twice back in high school. Like he was a freshman when I was a senior kinda deal. Well, their dad was my English teacher and failed me out.
I actually remember I did my first video project for his class... it was a video project for "The Odyssey", and my friend Steve (the one who got me into freestyle skiing) and I wanted to make a skate/skiing video for it. It was bullshit, really. We just wanted an excuse to make a cool skate/ski video, like a Jackass/CKY video, but maybe with less obscene shit. We actually did it. I think it had Rage Against the Machine in it and everything. This was like 2003 too, so we probably burned it onto a DVD to present to the class, and shot on MiniDV cameras. I hope he didn't fail me because of that project, that would be shitty, because that's what I wanted to do for a career. And what several of his sons are still doing full-time for a living. And I never was even introduced to them. So I wonder what would've happened if that teacher had, instead of failing me... introduced me to his sons. That could've been a very, very different life.
In the end, failing that class (and history, and probably algebra, too) sent me to a special education program. That totally doesn't fuck with a teenager's self-esteem. To be in a special education program because a teacher didn't like me, I have ADD and struggle to sit still and read something long-winded and boring, and I prefer to explore practical mathematics rather than memorize and regurgitate ciphers. In this special education program, I got to choose what I wanted to learn about. Which was fucking awesome. There were some Vietnam-era movies and games being released at the time and I got curious, I used to be a big WWII buff as well, so I took a one-on-one history class on Vietnam. And my new English teacher? I told him I took a Creative Writing class and aced it. He hooked me up with Beat Poetry for a full semester. It changed my approach entirely. I became obsessed with the concept of stream-of-consciousness. I got so annoyed with how over-refined things were, how scripted everything was in life. I love the rawness and unpredictability of just letting pure creative energy flow out of you, and not having to worry about the results. Like just dancing without thinking about how you're moving, like a kid would do, but with words.
And eventually this led to poetry, which led to lyrics, which led to hip-hop and freestyling. For almost 20 years, I have been writing lyrics that have bloomed from this ever-evolving method. Sometimes I would just write my thoughts verbatim. Sometimes I would write off a theme word as a prompt. Most of the time I would just stitch together a rhyme/rhythm pattern syllable by syllable. I would shape the lyrics off the rhythmic sound they made, like playing a drum or a guitar, and let my subconscious choice of words shape the meaning. And holy fuck is it crazy how every single word of it makes sense.
Then the stream of consciousness method linked to visual art. In fact, a few years back, I actually did like a video blog that was basically this - smoking a bowl and then just... talking. Just exploring different concepts while smoking a cigarette. I called it "Smoke Break", it was supposed to be a micro-podcast series with guests meant to simulate and capture the real-life conversations that happen when people step outside for a smoke break. But when no one joins you for that, well... it got a bit depressing. But in the end, I like this method more. With the Smoke Break, I would kinda rabbithole on existentialism, meaning of existence shit, spiritual shit. I don't not like that stuff, it's just not at the forefront right at the moment. I feel like this method of talking about my current experience, rather than theoretical theology or whatever, I just feel more confident in it. I feel like I'm writing more from my experience than my speculations.
So... basically... if I hadn't been failed out of English, I may possibly maybe have been on a pro skate team by now, but I would have never been introduced to Jack Kerouac. I never would have pursued writing, or my solo music. I never would have gotten into graffiti, which ignited my passion for art. I would not be the person I am today, and this that's happening right here, this writing would not be happening. It's crazy how the tiniest of things at just the right time can lead to a completely different fate.
Getting to bed a bit earlier tonight. Didn't get to call the apartment yesterday, but I have a very actionable plan with my mom now and I'm feeling pretty comfortable with it. I can actually see my next life pretty clearly now, and it doesn't look half bad. I'm gonna make time to brainstorm streaming ideas tomorrow, get my head in the mindset. But for now, I slumber.
#diary#journal#stream of thoughts#spilled thoughts#mental health#self care#online journal#self improvement#stream of conscious writing#panic anxiety#attention deficit disorder (add)#stream of consciousness#beat poetry
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Amnesia (Lonely Part 4)
Words: 1.1k
Summary: A minor crisis. Short chapter, but the first hint of conflict.
Tagging: @here-to-vent @fandertrash
Part One Part 2 Part 3
The sides were finishing up filming a video entitled “Social Anxiety,” to be released that weekend.
“Thomas, you have to remember, nobody out there is hoping for you to fail!” Patton told him, goofy smile on his face.
“Precisely! The same way it is when you're nervous about an audition, everybody around you is willing to be accommodating and to help you, they want you to succeed!” Roman added with a grand gesture.
“Roman is correct.” Logan said with a nod of the head. “Additionally, I believe exposing yourself to social situations more will actually help you. Is there anything you could be doing, or that you're not doing because you're nervous?”
Thomas considered. “Yes, actually. I'm having Joan over later today. Also, I want to reach out to some people for a larger collab we could be doing.” He winked to the camera. “So, did that help at all, Virgil?”
“I guess. I'll be with you at your collab for sure.” He said the last part grimly, before sinking out.
Everyone else sunk out with a witty or funny one liner, and Thomas finished the video, promising to leave resources in the description.
“Boy, I am starved! How’s lunch sound to you guys?” Patton asked, chipper as ever.
Everyone said their various affirmations and sat down around the counter. Patton pulled bread and cheese out, and began making grilled cheeses for everyone. “Can someone call Ash down?”
“Ash! Patton’s making grilled cheese, do you want?” Roman shouted in the general direction of the staircase, but before he finished the sentence, Ash came through the doorway to the kitchen. “Oh, Ash! I thought you were upstairs.”
“I'll make one for you too.” Patton told them. “Where were you?”
“I… don't know.” Ash murmured, rubbing their head. They hadn't changed out of their pajama pants yet, but that was normal.
“Whaddya mean, bud?” Patton asked, not turning around from the stove.
“I don't… remember… where I was…” They blinked slowly, but didn't seem to gain any clarity. “I just remember you guys leaving and then... you calling me back…”
Logan stared at them intently. He said, “Thats quite odd-“
“Ahh!” A yelp from Patton and the shattering of glass interrupted him. Patton looked down, where the white glass plate was broken to pieces. A piece pierced through his sock, which was turning pink with blood. Virgil’s face was draining of color as he gripped his chest and his breathing increased.
“Oh god. Okay-“ Roman started, taking the lead. “Logan, you take care of Virgil. Ash, the dustpan is in the hall closet by my room. You know the one?” Ash nodded. “Good. Please sweep up the plate. Patton, stay very still.” Roman stepped over to him, glad he was wearing hard-soled shoes, and picked up Patton, bridal style. He put him down on the counter, and ran to get a bandage.
Everyone fell into their roles easily, Logan quietly chanting “5…7….8…” to Virgil, reassuring him every couple breaths that he was fine, everything was okay, the noise was nothing, he was going to be okay. Ash was careful to collect every bit of shattered glass, while Roman stripped off Patton's sock and washed his wound.
“Guys, I’m so sorry. Every time this happens it's such a disaster, I shouldn't have been so clumsy.” Patton said guiltily.
“This has happened before? Ash asked, getting up and stretching, their knees sore from kneeling for so long.
“Yes, plenty of times. We’re not technically ‘human,’ but in a metaphorical sense, we’re only human,” Logan said to them, “Accidents happen, and we are around each other a lot, so it's only natural they would happen when we are together.” He paused, squinting. He examined Virgil's face, although he was looking better than before. “As you could probably tell, Virgil has a panic response to sudden, loud noises. We were very lucky to have you here, otherwise I doubt we would've had enough people to fix the situation so efficiently.” He trailed off near the end of the sentence, still focused on Virgil.
“Indeed. In any case, Patton, nobody blames you for this mishap. As Logan said, ‘accidents happen.’ We’re simply glad you're okay.” Roman ruffled Patton’s hair, who smiled happily. “Logan, how’s Depression Nap doing?”
“Virgil is fine, Roman. Although, I do believe a nap is a good idea, now that you've mentioned it. May I?” He held out his arm, and Virgil held onto him, leaning in a way that was undeniably cute. Logan led Virgil to Patton’s room, where he usually slept after an anxiety attack.
Roman finished by putting a band aid on Patton's foot. “There you are, all better. Do you feel okay?” He asked.
“I'm fine. I mean, you know blood makes me queasy, but it's alright, I managed to look away for the most part.” He shed off his other sock. “Ash, not that I don't trust you, but did you get every piece off the floor? I'm a little nervous, going across barefooted.”
“No need, I’ll carry you!” Roman said valiantly. “I need to work on the big collab idea in my room, and as your room is currently occupied, I wouldn't mind having your secondary input.”
“Do you mind if I come with?” Ash requested shyly.
“Of course not!” Roman responded, picking up Patton again. “We could use your opinion, a third-iary… input…” He searched for the word.
“Tertiary.” Logan said, re-entering the kitchen.
“Yes. Onward!” Roman (and Patton) strode out of the room, Ash in tow.
Logan walked over to the stove, cleaning up the pans, putting away the bread and cheese. He bent down and cleaned off a spot of blood on the floor, moving automatically as his mind wandered to what Ash had said earlier about not knowing where they were. He sat at the counter in the now abandoned kitchen. The gears in his mind turned as he tried to make sense of the situation, mind racing towards a grim conclusion that for once hoped, he prayed, was wrong.
#sanders sides#sanders sides fic#logan sanders#virgil sanders#patton sanders#roman sanders#my fic#lonely#logic sanders#anxiety sanders#morality sanders#prince sanders
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