#just had a meeting to discuss one of the mock exams: they are not allowed to hand out the correct solution just discuss it

[ctl-yuejie]

love this system that is like "oh you work for 2 years while we barely pay you - it's not called a wage for a reason, duh - have you come to class and write an exam every week but in class - just for funsies - we won't actually teach you what you need to know for the exams but a lot of practical stuff which doesn't apply for your work because that is way more specialized"

glad i can skip the classes since i moved outside of town for this part. while i have to teach everything to myself, everyone in class is non the wiser and at least i don't lose the hours.

[leviiattacks]

teacher!levi and teacher!reader headcanons please 🥺

author note :: i expected for this to be better but idk,,, um, you know maybe it’s just me who wishes i executed it better but i wrote this at 3am that’s my excuse. ANYWAY I HOPE U ENJOY ANON :-))) i know it’s not headcanons but here!! also my ask box is always open to feel free to drop by !! 

word count :: 5.4k (after i had to severely cut the word count down because my tumblr wouldn’t let me post the longer version with more detail,,,,)

honestly you’ve never fit in well with the math teachers in particular but you’re still amicable with most

however, there’s one unbearable member of the group that happens to want to play jump rope with your patience constantly

and that person just so happens to be mr ackerman

every single staff meeting the both of you sit furthest away from each other whilst silently exchanging bitter glares

maybe it’s his stony disposition or his unrealistically harsh grading system that makes him seem so off putting to you.

or perhaps it’s your soft and gentle approach to teaching that drives him up a wall

but to make matters simple, the two of you have never got along. nearly everything he says you disagree with and nearly everything you say he has to rebuke.

every outlandish suggestion of his at meetings is met with firm disapproval from you and every time you bring up wanting to provide the children with more time for extracurricular activities he sneers in annoyance

today he’s proposing a plan to set exams as soon as possible

???

you wonder if he’s even thinking with his head attached to his neck because it’ll be impossible for the children to handle all of the content in the form of an exam paper so soon

the workload he’s been pushing onto his math class has become far too ridiculous for your liking and you want to put an end to the man’s reign of terror

it just so happens your classes are scheduled in the blocks next to each other meaning he always sees your students an hour before you do

it’s got to the point where your pupils trudge into english class completely EXHAUSTED

the other day a boy fainted because of lack of sleep and now mr ackerman has the audacity to put forward the exam dates???

“we need to instill these children with discipline. taking them by surprise will give them a much needed reality check.”

you groan at his speech and raise a hand

“may i interject?”

professor ackerman’s tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek the irritation is painted on his face but he nods although he seems reluctant

“these children do not need standardized exams to-”

“would you like for me to completely scrap exams from the curriculum?” without even allowing for you to present your argument he has to cut you off with a mocking grin

“levi, i think-”

“that's mr ackerman to you.”

his blunt correction has you rolling your eyes because YES!! you understand the two of you aren’t exactly the best of friends but he doesn’t even want to be on a first name basis with a colleague of two years??

his pettiness has your blood boiling in searing displeasure

“you have to stop going so hard on these children.”

he’s shuffling through some paperwork not even batting an eye in your direction.

“personally, we aren’t hard enough but of course the english teacher has trouble understanding that.”

the jab he makes at your job only causes the anger inside of you to bubble up again

why does teaching english have ANYTHING to do with this???

“you teach math yet you can’t calculate the reasoning behind your subpar love life. do not insult english.”

personal insults are your favourite to throw at him because he always gets so riled up

and actually for once you have the answer to a math question.

the reason why his love life is so uneventful has to be because of this :

his personality + his obnoxious humour + his looks = a good looking but undatable man

his jaw clenches and the grip he has on the stack of papers in his hands strengthens

ok,, that is kinda hot but that is not relevant at all

you’re able to make out miss ral one of the other math teachers make a move to speak and god you fight the urge to punch her every day because she’s always gushing about mr ackerman

seeing as you don’t want to punch her or anyone for that matter you turn to give her a “if you speak right now i swear to god i will lose my shit” look

she gets the memo incredibly quickly because her mouth closes shut immediately

mr ackerman takes a sip out of the cup of black tea next to him. “i would appreciate if you just sat back and let me do what’s best.”

“children fainting in my lesson is not what’s best.” your rebuttal catches him off guard and he seems more than a little surprised

“wait- fainted??”

you eyes flick over to mr zacharias, you had told him to pass the message on but the way he’s sheepishly looking at the floor avoiding your eyes clearly tells you all you have to know

“looks like someone forgot to pass the message onto you but the other day falco fainted in english.”

“is he- is he okay?? did he say why?”

eyebrows raising you’re quite surprised to see any sort of reaction from him let alone concern

“he stayed up all night completing your homework.”

lips pressing together into a fine line it almost looks as if he’s guilty

“i’ll talk to him about it later.” his voice is back to its usually plain tone and any trace of his previous worry has been masked.

an awkward silence follows. he coughs choosing to not continue the discussion about exams.

principal smith takes the hint and moves on to discuss planned school trips

HOORAH victory!!!

yet another day where you’ve saved your students

“who is fallacy and why are they pathetic?” a few snorts and giggles are heard around the class and you force yourself to laugh at falco's miserable attempt at a joke

you’ve noticed falco’s been cracking more jokes around his new seat mate gabi.

she’s small but feisty always willing to debate and she’s really a joy to teach although she can get a little bit aggressive with the others at times

honestly it’s quite obvious that falco has a fat crush on her. well, actually it’s been obvious from the moment she step foot into your class

and... you couldn’t just ignore the way falco looked at her could you?? and there was an empty space next to him too sooooo, what harm would there be in placing the two together?

it seems as if your attempt at getting the both of them to talk has worked. gabi and falco compete desperately for the top position in the class and are two of the best students you’ve had in a while

also after the day falco fainted in class gabi has been noticeably nicer. things like asking if he’s drank water or how much he’s slept

you have a small inkling that she may like him back

and the budding romance is adorable to you because you too once had childhood crushes

it feels rather nostalgic to see the two interact

but today you notice the two aren’t in

in fact, you notice half of the class isn’t?

“where are the others?” your question sends a jolt through one of your present students but he stays silent choosing to pretend to clean his glasses as a distraction

crossing your arms over your chest you walk over towards his desk

“udo, you can tell me what it is.”

“professor ackerman said not to tell.” udo looks petrified and you’re just kinda wondering what in the hell is going on

lucky for you his resolve is thin and he quickly cracks under pressure

“okay. you can’t say i told.”

nodding in agreement he looks around making sure no one else hears what exactly it is he’s about to disclose

“he’s kept some people back to talk to them about something top secret. i don’t know what but he asked for the students who like you.”

at that you feel a little bitter because if he asked for the student who liked you why on earth is half the class still here??

but oh well, you guess you can’t please them all

“oh no, no, no. you’ve got it wrong. we all wanted to stay but he didn’t let us.”

udo looks genuine so you let it slide

either way it doesn’t really matter as long as the majority prefer you over that sick and twisted math teacher you’re alright

“he does know he’s cut into my class time right?”

“falco told him that and he whispered something about how you’re bothersome.”

you???? bothersome???

WHEN HE’S THE ONE BOTHERING EVERYONE?/!:£:!/)

you don’t even look back as you walk out frankly furious at what’s happened

english is important

ACTUALLY!!!

ENGLISH > MATH

you will stand by that till the day you die

your knuckle meets with the wooden surface of your sworn enemy’s classroom door and almost automatically you’re able to hear the shuffle of chairs and padding of numerous footsteps approach

the door swings open and you step aside to allow your missing students to pass through

they look nervous but one look at your reassuring smile lets them ease up and relax

“well.” a voice behind you snaps “look who paid me a visit.”

“we’re talking about this later.”

you try your best to sound serious but you don’t know if you pull it off as well as he does because he just ends up giving you a disappointed sort of look

“y/n. stick to being the good cop it suits you better.”

“we are not on first name basis. you said it yourself.” is your narrowed comeback

finally turning to face him you’re surprised when your eyes travel to the triangle of space behind him and you’re able to get a peek of what looks to be a list of books on his whiteboard

pride and prejudice

wuthering heights

jane eyre

ville-

before you’re able to read the rest he moves in front of your line of vision

he’s got quite the selection but,, when did he of all the people on this planet start showing any interest in literature?

“the books on the board what’s that about?”

your inquiry flies over his head and he shuts the door behind him completely

his face doesn’t move and if it does it only shows the slightest hint of confusion

“what books are you talking about?” he replies and don’t know why your knees feel a little weak when he looks you straight in the eyes

snap.

out.

of.

it.

“i saw books on the board.”

“you saw wrong.” he barks back and he’s getting agitated now

maybe you did imagine it...

and you have to get back to teach your class so okay fair enough you’ll let it go because you do know you have a habit of daydreaming randomly

however that doesn’t stop you from giving him another skeptical look before you leave because there is NO WAY you imagined it, but it is you and it really could be a possibility

the click clack of your heels against the floor sound out as you remove yourself from the conversation

you assume he’s returned to his classroom

that’s why it catches you by surprise when you hear a hesitant voice behind you

“there were no books on the board.”

you don’t know why he has to tell you that again because it only makes himself look all the more suspicious

“but if they were a list of book recommendations then what would you recommend i read?”

the question is peculiar coming from him

are you in an alternate universe?

is this a dream?

are you talking to a clone?

a robot?

because this can NOT be the same man you’ve been working with for two years

maybe he’s having a change of heart?

but that sounds unlikely

maybe he’s planning to read the book and somehow with that big brain of his formulate a calculation to score it a measly two out of ten

yeah. that sounds more likely.

nevertheless, you still want to give him a recommendation, maybe he’ll find out he’s into books this way

“you should totally check out pride and prejudice :-)”

for once you’re smiling at him and he doesn’t know what to do because the change is sudden but he doesn’t say a word after that

instead he retreats into his classroom

god.

now you’re sure he’s just asked to form a stupid calculation or whatever the hell it is math teachers do.

“he likes you.” hange has a shit eating grin on their face and you can’t help but narrow your eyes and sigh in exasperation

no he does not like you but you don’t try to correct hange because you know they’re firm in their stupid belief

“would you ever date him?” hange fiddles with the last of their potato salad absentmindedly waiting on your reply

the question literally has you choking on your lunch

“i would rather fight for survival in the wilderness. thank you for asking.”

“oh come on... he’s got a thing for you. you read romance novels all the time you should be able to tell he does.”

“yeah and that thing he has for me is wanting to shove my head onto a pitchfork. you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.” shoving a piece of pasta into your mouth you sigh dreamily at the taste. it serves as a momentary distraction

you get one lunch break and you are not!!!! in the mood to talk about him whilst you’re on that break

he’s attractive

and you have to admit he looks handsome in his crisp white button up and pristine black suit AND his cologne is really...

okay, you are digressing from the point

none of what you just said means anything!!!

at surface level he seems like a catch but it’s what’s on the inside that matters and he said he finds english stupid

that’s more than enough of a reason to dislike the guy?

he thinks stuff like the pythagorean theorem and y = mx+c are entertaining

y = mx+c ??? over literature???

you read books to teach and you read books for your own enjoyment

it would be a complete travesty if you had a crush on a book hater

and levi ackerman most certainly can be classed as a book hater.

a pessimistic book hater if the specifics are needed

“OH! SORRY Y/N GOTTA BLAST MOB’S OVER THERE!!!!!”

you don’t even get the chance to say goodbye because hange makes an eager run towards moblit

hange and moblit are inseparable, both are the shared heads of the science department and since he’s been off on sick leave recently you understand why hange’s rushed off to greet him

you wish you had a teacher friend like that but the sad truth is you’re pretty much a lone wolf. the other english teachers are wrinkly old pickles and talk about antiques or quiz shows :-(

“this seat free?”

no way.

it’s not him

it can't be

what does he even want??

“um, well yeah it is free b-.”

“good.” he takes the seat without you even inviting him and now you’re stuck in an awkward situation you didn’t even expect to be in today

you're about to burst into tears because is it too much to ask for a peaceful lunch period???

mr ackerman clears his throat and places a book in the center of the table. “pride and prejudice although not my cup of tea was... mildly enjoyable.”

wait...

is this him...

admitting defeat!??

HELLLOOOOO

you are over the moon right now because you know he really had to have enjoyed it a lot and is simply choosing to withhold that information for his own reputation

“i’m happy to hear you took a liking to it.” you’re munching away at your pasta a little more upbeat now

“okay but the start of the book assuming all single men want a wife? no, all i want is a good night’s rest for once. also mrs bennet needs to calm down, elizabeth can marry who the hell she wa-”

“someone’s a little passionate aren’t they?” you giggle into your glass of water and you catch mr ackerman frowning

“i liked it okay.”

“i thought you said it was only mildly enjoyable just now?” grinning and looking at him through your lashes his cheeks become red

you guess he’s angry or something but that’s the usual with him

“yeah, whatever. i just wanted to play fair and apologise.”

“apologise?” oh wow, now your interest has really peaked because never in the past two years has he apologised to ANYONE

not even principal smith for the one time he flipped out and nearly cursed at a mouthy student at parent's evening

grimacing a little before he does it he finally speaks again.

“english is important. i’m sorry.”

your lips tug up into a bright smile

well???

this is a great interaction??

an apology coming out of levi ackerman of all people

“apology accepted! i’m glad to know you liked the book but now that we’re a tad bit friendlier with each other i wanted to ask for a favour.” your eyes gleam and he swears he can see specks of shining stars in them

“...okay, it depends.”

he’s warming up to you so he considers it

“please don’t cut into my lesson time levi.” his name slips out of your mouth but it’s so natural you don’t even care to correct yourself

“i’m sorry about that too y/n.” your name now ventures out of his mouth too as it tests the waters

wordlessly the two of you agree to first name basis

BUT more important matters are at hand such as how he’s issued you yet another apology?

this is satire surely

because why is he so willing all of a sudden...?

well, that's the power of pride and prejudice, wow you’re really thanking the heavens for blessing this world with jane austen’s existence

jane austen. a woman capable of remarkable things, she's even managed to make an unmoving book hater somehow become a lover

poking at your tuna pasta you and levi are now quiet.

“soooooo, any opinions on mr wickham?” you ask the question hoping to initiate a longer conversation than before

and luckily for you your attempt works

SUCCESS!!

levi pinches the bridge of his nose and the creases on his forehead show he clearly isn't particularly fond of wickham

“don’t get me started he’s so indescribably annoying?”

ok, ok, ok

you don’t even know how it happens but you and levi really hit it off

weeks have passed and you and him have even become lunch buddies

it was so shocking to moblit at first that he dropped his lunch on the floor when he saw you and levi enthusiastically exchanging words

then again, two mr wickham haters are bound to get along

you’re seriously wondering how the two of you ever survived as mortal enemies

yeah, you still disagree a lot but you’re getting there!!

sometimes he helps you out when your computer stops running and in exchange you’re willing to offer him book recommendations

he swears he doesn't want any recommendations from you but you know he enjoys it

yesterday he got microsoft excel out and showed you how useful it really was and you went :O because you never really understood the need for it at all

you’re a little bit of a granny when it comes to tech...

and just today at lunch you recommended he checks some plays out but his nose wrinkled at the mention of shakespeare so the both of you went through a long list of dramas and eventually you were able to interest him in j.b. priestely's an inspector calls

another victory for you!!

anyway, right now the two of you are sitting inside of the staff room seeing as it's that time of the month again.

time for the monthly staff meeting

it's the first one you've had since you and levi became friends and you're worried the both of you will be back at it butting heads

wait, are you friends?

well, you wouldn't mind if that were the case but to be honest you would like to be a little bit more than friends mayb-

no!!! no!!! no!!! stupid thought!!! you retract that statement immediately

no you do not want to be more than friends with levi ackerman, yes he's lovely to a degree but you are not going to elaborate on why it's a terrible idea to fancy him

okay wait, let's elaborate for the sake of elaborating

he's surprisingly charming and wittier than you thought he would be. the fun conversations are making your days now and to be honest it is nice to have someone to spend lunch with (hange usually skips out on lunch all together to tinker in the science labs and set up experiments)

wait... weren't you suppose to explain why you don't want to get with him?

you're an idiot and you don't notice how dumb you really are until everyone just kinda gawks at the both of you because it's so odd seeing you in the same room let alone within a three feet radius of each other.

fuck, you completely forgot you and levi sat at opposite ends of the room

principal smith enters and even he looks visibly shocked at the change in seats but he doesn't mention it and you're grateful he doesn't because you didn't purposefully sit here it just happened on accident

erwin turns in your direction and smiles

"would you like to start off with your proposition for extracurriculars?"

nodding your head you begin passionately.

"well, i'd like to say i don't think we offer the children enough. we have spare funding so why not open another club? cooking perhaps? i understand many of you may not understand the importance of teaching them how to cook but-"

"do you have an obsession for setting these children up for failure?" tensing up you notice it's levi who's spoke and he doesn't sound remotely happy

blinking once and then twice he realizes his tone isn't the best and he mutters an apology "sorry, go ahead i'll add in when you're done."

whispers travel through the room straight away

"did he just say sorry?"

"actually why are those two sitting together?"

"do you think they're you know...?"

miss ral who's sat a little further away is the next person to disagree with you

"i understand the intention but would it not be better to let them have extra math lessons?"

"oh, so you can get a pay rise?" the comeback you make is aggressive and dripping in displeasure

she sits up face burning up

"no- no- absolutely not i take pleasure in teaching all of my classes." flustered and trying to hide her nerves she takes a sip out of her water bottle

you want to pour all of the water out onto that ginger hair of hers

the reason why her interjection is getting on your nerves is due to the fact you overheard her and another one of the math teachers plan to bring this specific point up

and you are well aware that her reasoning behind it has nothing to do with the children

she couldn't care less about them

"do not make me repeat what you and mr bozado were chit chatting about earlier today."

the threat is enough to silence her and just when you think you've handled the situation levi has to give his input

"let's ignore petra's motivations and talk about how teaching these kids how to cook means nothing if they have no tradable skills to offer in the real world." levi's not looking at you. he's either too annoyed or too preoccupied with his thought process

at that moment you feel naive, you thought maybe he would try to understand your opinion seeing as he's been spending so much time with you as of recent but that looks to not be the case

murmurs of agreement fill the room at his statement and you feel pathetic

it's practically the entire room against you now

genuinely how is it these people can manage to be such spoiled sports about everything?

"recently, i asked all of my classes to write an essay about school stress. maybe you won't understand my views because you haven't read their pieces but they need a fucking break." the expletive flies out of your mouth without warning and you flush in embarrassment

that

was

not

professional.

"oh god, i'm sorry i got worked up i shouldn't hav-" fumbling over all of your words you feel even more mortified

the principal raises his hand signalling you stop and you clamp your mouth shut. you're in huge trouble that's for sure

but,,, in spite of the clear difference in opinion between you and the other teachers, soft and well spoken principal smith says the unthinkable

"i have the final say and i believe you are coming from a good place after reading your student's work. how would you feel about running the new cooking club?"

scanning his face for a second you can tell his question is legitimate and the wave of relief that washes over you has never felt better than ever

sighing contently you agree and as the topic of conversation shifts to something else entirely you sense your heart rate picking up

you feel like you're back to square one with levi.

it's yet another day where you’ve saved your students and you should be feeling overjoyed but if anything you feel a little deflated

you wish he would have come around and understood but you can't teach and old dog new tricks

again, the feeling of disappointment wears you down

two weeks have passed since then and your favourite time of year has come. it’s spring term meaning MACBETH

the english curriculum includes plays and it just so happens that today is your first lesson covering shakespeare

and you LOVE shakespeare

something about all the intricate foreshadowing always has you excited

but some children are missing

and it’s way too many to blame on sickness

so you wait for a few minutes but it's consistently radio silent

the last time this happened the culprit had been levi and he promised to never cut into your lesson time

but you could count on him to break his promise after the fiasco that was the monthly meeting

is he back to hating you and hating literature?

well, that's his loss if that's the case!! and no!! you will not upset yourself over the loss of the budding friendship

sighing you get to your feet making a beeline to the door but gabi and falco rush to stop you

awkward chuckles activated they wave their hands to get your attention “OH NO, they’ll only be five minutes!!” their sentence comes out as one big blur of words but you manage to understand them

now you’re doubtful because you know falco and gabi would usually ignore you and allow you to walk out

giving them a knowing glance the pair look between each other

their eyes are clearly communicating and asking if it’s alright to tell you

“i promise i won’t be mad.” you sigh

perhaps if you reassure them they’ll be more likely to spill the beans

“it’s not that you... i don't know. you might be upset.” gabi isn't one to care much for other's feelings so you're slightly anxious even though you shouldn't be

but you’re a tough nut to crack. so, absolutely not. you are not going to upset yourself over whatever it is

“i won’t be hurt. i’ve suffered through reading some of the most emotional classics to ever exist.” hitting your chest with your fist you wince a little because you hit yourself a little too hard

falco’s seems to be too shy to come out with it so gabi takes the lead as she normally does

“some students were talking badly about you so mr ackerman kept them behind to have a talk.”

oh.

yeah, actually you are a teeny weeny bit disheartened because you think you’re nice to all of your pupils but it’s nothing too bad, not everyone will like you

“if that’s all i’ll go get them. thank you for letting me know.” giving them two thumbs up you leave the class immediately

levi is probably scolding them to hell and back

not because he cares for you but because he hates disrespect in general

as you’re nearing the open door of his classroom you hear something you never thought would emerge from levi’s room

“final question. why does mr darcy say he doesn’t want to dance with elizabeth at first?” oh yeah, that’s levi’s voice for sure

an english question?

is he quizzing them on pride and prejudice?

you wait hoping your students don't fail you and are able to provide the correct answer.

“ummm... she’s not pretty enough!!”

levi hums “you answered all five questions right. do you all know why?”

you can’t see the children’s faces but they have to be confused if there’s no immediate response

he grunts in agitation “because your english teacher works hard to teach you every single day. have some respect because that teacher of yours is one in a million.”

taking your bottom lip in between your teeth you fight the urge to smile

“do you know how at every single staff meeting there’s only ever one teacher fighting for you all and what you want. i can assure you that teacher isn’t me, but i believe you can all guess who i'm talking about.”

your heart does a back flip in your chest and you feel jittery but in that really fuzzy good way

like that super duper fuzzy and hazy good way

he’s really very sweet for saying all of this and you're now smiling like an idiot

one pupil takes a chance to make amends “we’re sorry mr ackerman.”

but before levi can give them a response you clap your hands together and walk in unannounced 

“apology accepted, now if you want to all be forgiven forever please return to class and answer the questions on the board!” directing them to the door with your hands you make sure they're conscious fo the fact you aren't mad at them

still, never have you seen them so eager to run off to analyze macbeth. you guess levi's deathly stare is the cause for it

holding back a laugh you clear your throat after the last student leaves

“thank you levi :-)”

it’s quiet for a second and you think to ask him about what has been gnawing at your mind

“you didn’t have to do that. you disagreed with me before so... why did you?”

“i say this at every meeting and you never listen but children need to be disciplined.” his unchangeable tone is unwelcoming

again it’s awkwardly silent and you sorta regret even coming over to see what was going on because now you and levi are just having an uncomfortable staring contest

then he scratches the back of his neck and heaves a heavy breath

“it may also be because i really fucking like you, but i look like an idiot saying that when we’ve been at each other's necks for two years.”

oh.

the sudden and brutally honest confession has the wind knocked out of you, you’re stunned

and then you get hit by it too. the realization hits you like rain hits umbrellas on stormy days. you like him too.

you like him for his witty sense of humour, his pure honesty and his hatred for mr wickham only serves as a bonus

yes, you have your differences. many of them. but you like him

he’s no longer a book hater and so by default you can fancy him. he goes against none of your guidelines essentially

you like him, he likes you back?’//’.;

[SCREAMS]

“well, what do you say? will you be this mr darcy's elizabeth bennet?” hearing the cheesy pickup line from him of all people has the butterflies in your stomach exploding in delight 

“you sound weird, where's the grumpy math teacher from before?" now you and him are simply shamelessly flirting but HEY!! you have no complaints at all

he scoffs at your sarcastic question

"do you want the equation for a two dimensional heart on a graph beca-"

"can i just kiss you?"

wOWIE are you being bold today y/n???

thankfully you don't have to wait for his answer. levi’s right hand pulls your face in and he slams his lips against yours. he gives your waist a squeeze and you hold him tighter by the neck in response. he has a way of somehow making it all feel gentle and relaxed in the same breath

and... you know what? maybe you should have recommended pride and prejudice to him earlier

but oh well.

what matters the most right now is that you're kissing your mr darcy!!

and he’s kissing his elizabeth bennet

:-)

[ibijau]

Futures Past pt18 / on AO3

Nie Huaisang returns to the Cloud Recesses, and meets the people he's meant to befriend

Much to his surprise, Nie Huaisang realised upon returning to the Cloud Recesses that he had missed the place. Or rather, he had missed the friends who lived there.

All winter, Su She and him had exchanged letters, mostly to complain about every single thing that bothered them. When they finally met again in person, they were quite happy to do more of the same. They also discussed all the things they might do for fun that year. 

Su She, at long last, had risen in rank and been given more freedom than he used to have. He would have less classes to attend since he was now trusted to take charge of his own training to some degree, he would join more Night Hunts, he had been given a new jade token that allowed him to leave the Cloud Recesses at any time of the day as long as curfew was respected, and he would even be included among those juniors who patrolled to enforce the respect of the rules.

All this made Nie Huaisang so happy for his friend, that he did not realise at first all the implications this had regarding the amount of time they would get to spend together. Su She would be very busy in the future, but he promised he would do everything possible to still make time for his best friend, and Nie Huaisang easily believed him.

The other joy to be found in returning to the Cloud Recesses was not immediate. By the time Nie Huaisang had arrived there, Lan Xichen had not yet returned from a Night Hunt he’d gone on with Nie Mingjue. That was hardly a surprise. These two were usually far too serious in all things, but when they went Night Hunting together, they always stayed a little longer than really necessary. Nie Huaisang usually found that greatly amusing, and never missed a chance to tease his brother about skirting his duties. They seemed to have taken a particularly long time on this occasion, but since Nie Mingjue had complained a few times that he hadn't seen his friend in such a long while, it was not so odd. Nie Huaisang would have mocked his brother so much if he'd seen him before leaving home. 

Since he didn’t have a chance to do it that time, he instead teased Lan Xichen when he finally came home, on the same day most of the guest disciples were set to arrive, on the eve of the lectures' start. Of course if Nie Huaisang had been a good and dutiful person, he would have gone to the main gate to see those other guest disciples, and maybe try to strike a friendship with them as early as possible. But between trying to catch a glimpse of the boring friends his future self wanted him to make, and dropping by Lan Xichen’s house to see the friend he actually liked, the choice had been easily made.

Lan Xichen offered him tea and smiled when accused of dodging his responsibilities, but less warmly than Nie Huaisang had expected. In fact, he found that the older boy looked rather more tired than he should have been, and more nervous as well. He tried to ask about that, but Lan Xichen refused to dwell on the subject.

“There is just a lot to do, and you are right that I was gone longer than I should have,” Lan Xichen said. “Especially since Wangji is in seclusion… he was supposed to come out of it today, but I saw him earlier and convinced him to continue meditating alone for at least another month. There will be many energetic people among our guests this year, and I doubt he will enjoy their company too much.”

Nie Huaisang, who had found the Cloud Recesses even more fun without the constant threat of Lan Wangji being around to enforce the rule, could only nod. He didn't mind waiting a month to set in movement his older self's orders.

“And this had nothing at all with you wishing to have a little peace without your brother constantly enforcing the rules, does it?” he teased.

“I am nowhere near as rebellious as you seem to have decided,” Lan Xichen replied with an indulgent smile. “Though I suppose Lan Wangji does take a stricter approach to them than I do. I’m sure in time, he’ll learn that they are meant to be a guidance, not a restriction.”

“And that he should let his brother eat candies sometimes.”

Lan Xichen smiled, trying to hide a chuckle. That was enough to comfort Nie Huaisang. As long as he still enjoyed his jokes, Lan Xichen could not be doing badly. And after that the conversation soon moved on to music, giving Nie Huaisang a great chance to show off how hard he had worked all winter. By the time Nie Huaisang had to leave, Lan Xichen appeared in good spirits again, for which he congratulated himself.

-

When morning came, Nie Huaisang got up as early as he could manage after falling back on his old habits during winter, and headed toward the lecture hall with the other Nie disciples. There were a number of other boys assembled at the door, all waiting for the teacher to arrive. 

Among those, the ones dressed in purple attracted Nie Huaisang’s attention the most. He recognised Jiang Cheng of course, with Meng Yao next to him whose attitude seemed more that of a babysitter than a fellow disciple, perhaps because of that other boy standing near them who had a mischievous smile on his lips. Then, behind them, there were two other boys dressed in Jiang purple, plain and quite forgettable. Perhaps Wei Wuxian wasn’t there after all, or perhaps he had already entered the class to study on his own, as befitted someone who was destined to fall for Lan Wangji.

Even if that person was absent, Nie Huaisang decided he should go greet Jiang Cheng and Meng Yao at least, since he already knew them. But before he had taken even one step in their direction, he heard someone call out for him.

“You are Nie gongzi, right?” a haughty boy asked.

He was dressed in that shade of yellow that only the Jins ever thought pleasant, and his face bore a passing resemblance with Jin Zixun’s, except with much nicer features, and a far colder expression. All of this made it rather easy to guess his identity, even if they had never met.

“And you must be Jin gongzi,” Nie Huaisang replied with a polite nod. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is mine,” Jin Zixuan said, returning the nod. “Since you are my cousin’s friend, I hope we can become better acquainted.”

Nie Huaisang gaped at the other boy.

“I’m what?”

“He’s too proud to use the word, but I know Zixun. He wrote about you several times last year, and he told me you helped him pass his exams.”

That this would be anywhere near enough to be considered a friend said a lot about Jin Zixun’s overall popularity. Nie Huaisang himself, who wasn’t exactly rich in friends, wouldn’t have used the word to talk about Jin Zixun, but he still felt flattered. In fact, he wondered if the acquaintance might be worth sustaining. Surely Nie Huaisang could try to write to Jin Zixun perhaps? He’d promised he would write to Xue Yang already, to give him a chance to practice reading and writing without the pressure of a classroom. If he was writing anyway, one more letter could be easy to fit into his very full schedule. Jin Zixun was a prick, but on occasions he'd been almost tolerable, so he wouldn't be the worst friend Nie Huaisang could make.

“He also said you became friends because he broke your nose,” Jin Zixuan added, his tone dripping judgement at the idea that anyone could ever put up with something like that.

Nie Huaisang self-consciously raised a hand to touch his nose, before quickly dropping it to his side, embarrassed by this habit he’d picked up.

“It’s a little more complicated than that,” he grumbled. “But I guess I did help him pass. And, well… if you want to be friends, I have no issues with that.”

“We’ll see about it,” Jin Zixuan retorted, before turning around and returning to his own group, as if it might dirty him to spend too much time with people who weren’t Jins.

Jin Zixuan was lucky to have such a pretty face and to be so rich, because it certainly wasn’t his personality which would make him friends, Nie Huaisang thought. He was at least as annoying as Jin Zixun, even though it was in a different manner.

He must not have been the only one to have that impression. When he turned his attention back toward the Jiang disciples, all of them save for Meng Yao were glaring in the direction of Jin Zixuan. Worse still, when their eyes wandered toward Nie Huaisang, it was clear that mere association with Jin Zixuan had instantly branded him as unpleasant to them. That was odd, though. Everyone knew that there was an engagement between Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli, so surely there should have existed, if not friendship, then at least some degree of cordiality between disciples of their two sects. 

Nie Huaisang feared what starting with a disadvantage might do to the mission forced upon him, when already he wasn’t the best at making friends. But his eyes then met Meng Yao’s who, after whispering something to Jiang Cheng, walked toward Nie Huaisang and even bowed to him with far more deference than anyone had ever bothered to show before.

“Nie-gongzi, I am glad we meet again,” Meng Yao said. “I never had a chance to thank you before for your help that day.”

“I hardly did anything at all!” Nie Huaisang protested, waving his hands in embarrassment. “In fact, you were even hurt by my fault that time!”

“And yet I must insist in expressing my gratitude. If not for you and Lan gongzi standing up for me, I would not have been given a chance to become a cultivator, which has been my greatest dream since childhood. For this, I am in your debt.”

Nie Huaisang blushed a little. “Really, it was nothing. Any decent person would have done the same! And with a potential like yours, it was only natural that someone would take you as a student someday! How’s Yunmeng treating you? Are they nice to you? You can tell me if they’re not, and I’ll tell my da-ge, and he’ll tell them to be nice. But it’s Yunmeng, of course they’re probably nice, right?”

His rambling surprised Meng Yao, who appeared a little unsure how to answer. Probably he’d expected the young master of a great sect to be a little more eloquent than that, the way Lan Xichen was, or even Jiang Cheng. But it was difficult to keep cool in front of the boy who would have become the man who had killed Nie Mingjue.

How could that have even happened? Even after months in Lotus Piers, Meng Yao remained shorter than Nie Huaisang, and barely any heavier. How could someone like that…

“I think we’re treating him fine,” Jiang Cheng said in a dry voice as he joined them. “Though your concern commends you, Nie gongzi.”

Nie Huaisang jumped in surprise, and quickly bowed to him.

“Of course I didn’t mean to imply… and, well, he’s here to study, so clearly he is well treated, and your father must be quite impressed with him,” Nie Huaisang said, fidgeting with his sleeve. “I’m quite glad that things worked out so well!”

That other Jiang boy, the tall and handsome one, also joined them and threw an arm around Meng Yao’s shoulders to pull him close.

“It’s not Jiang-shushu who’s impressed with Meng Yao, it’s Yu-furen,” the boy said with a bright grin. “She’s the one who said he should come, because we’re less stupid when he’s with us.”

“She said you’re less stupid,” Jiang Cheng scoffed. “Don’t drag me down with you.”

“Yu-furen also thinks that having Meng Yao with us means that stupid peacock will keep his distances,” the other boy continued, unbothered by that interruption. “She’s really so scared that we’ll start an argument with him.”

“You would!”

“Only if he insults Shijie! Which he would, because he’s nothing but a self-important…”

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng hissed. “Can you not shut up just for a moment?”

The boy just laughed, while Nie Huaisang stared.

Surely there had to have been a mistake. That couldn’t be Wei Wuxian. There was simply no way that Lan Wangji would ever become even a little attracted to a person such as this, who was bold enough to insult Jin Zixuan within earshot, who was so careless regarding Meng Yao’s obvious discomfort at having the connection mentioned. Sure Wei Wuxian wasn’t half bad looking, but with a personality like that, Lan Wangji would only try to murder him, not kiss him.

“You know, if the teacher isn’t here yet, we can probably leave,” Wei Wuxian said. “That’s what we’d do at home. Let’s ditch the lesson and go have fun!”

Oh, Lan Wangji was so going to murder him when they met. Surely Nie Huaisang’s future self had to be mistaken about those two. 

“Hey, Wei-xiong, you shouldn’t say things like that,” Nie Huaisang advised. “There’s some people that might punish you if they heard you talk like this!”

“Sure, but the point is that the teacher isn’t here, so I have nothing to fear. Come on, Nie-xiong, it’s your second year here, right? Surely you’d rather run off to have fun with us than sit through some boring lectures again!”

As a matter of fact, Nie Huaisang very much wanted that. Considering how badly his studies went the year before, he had no reasons to think he would do any better that year either, so having fun would be a great use of his time. But that would upset Nie Mingjue, who didn't need that. And it might also disappoint Lan Xichen, which would be the worst thing ever. Having discovered that he enjoyed being praised, and how willing to do just that Lan Xichen was, Nie Huaisang didn't want to risk upsetting his friend. 

"When I say there's people you shouldn't make angry, I don't mean just Lan Qiren," Nie Huaisang warned. "He's mostly manageable, if you just avoid talking back and cry a little when he gets angry. But his nephew Lan Wangji is a real terror, and they've put him in charge of overseeing punishment for the juniors. You're lucky he's in seclusion at the moment, because just for speaking of skipping classes, he'd have your skin. He takes rules very seriously!"

"The teacher's nephew, uh," Wei Wuxian said with an odd smile. 

"You're thinking something unwise," Meng Yao accused. 

"Please don't go bother that guy as soon as he leaves his seclusion," Jiang Cheng warned. "Mother will murder you if you disgrace our sect!" 

Wei Wuxian's grin only grew wider, to the great anxiety of the other three. 

"That nephew, he wouldn't happen to be a very handsome boy?" Wei Wuxian asked. "About my size, very handsome…" 

"His brother looks much better," Nie Huaisang interjected without thinking. "Lan Wangji always looks so crossed… but he has a fine enough face, yes."

"And a silver sword that gives off a cold impression?" 

"Did you already meet him?" Nie Huaisang asked. 

"Yes, last night." 

"Last night?" Jiang Cheng repeated. "How… there's a curfew in place here! Are you already breaking rules?" 

Without a shred of regret or shame, Wei Wuxian started telling the story of his escape to buy wine, his attempt to return in secret, and his fight with Lan Wangji. Upon hearing that tale Jiang Cheng was furious, Meng Yao was worried, and Nie Huaisang so delighted he had to cover his mouth with both hands not to laugh. 

Lan Wangji losing his temper! Lan Wangji getting in a fight, and not even winning it! Lan Wangji failing to punish a criminal! It was the funniest Nie Huaisang had ever heard, and he couldn't wait to share all of it with Su She who would surely be just as entertained. 

This Wei Wuxian was a much more interesting person than anticipated, and Nie Huaisang could see himself becoming quite fond of him, even though he'd been determined to dislike him before. But that had been when he thought that his future self and Lan Wangji approved of him, two people whose opinion he didn't value much. 

"Wei-xiong, you are so dead," Nie Huaisang cheerfully announced when the other had finished his story. "It's going to be a matter of pride now, he's going to have his eye on you for the entire time you'll be here!" 

And for more than that, if Nie Huaisang’s future self was to be believed. That old prick didn't seem the sort to prank others, but it was also difficult to imagine Lan Wangji falling in love with someone like Wei Wuxian. People said that opposite attracted, but there were limits. Then again, it would be immensely funny if these two did become a couple. If it happened, Nie Huaisang might laugh to death. 

"That Lan Zhan is probably too busy to bother with me," Wei Wuxian claimed. "And it's not like he comes to the lectures, right? So I'm not worried in the least. Besides, I'm more than his match in a fight!"

The arrival of Lan Qiren, who seemed in as bad a humour as Nie Huaisang had ever seen him, cut short that conversation, though Wei Wuxian still looked quite sure of himself as they all entered the classroom. He only deflated a little when they all noticed that there already was a student sitting there, a Lan boy who only looked up from the scroll he was reading to glare at Wei Wuxian. In turn, Wei Wuxian did appear a little startled, having clearly not expected that his new nemesis would be there.

It took Nie Huaisang all of his self control not to laugh at this situation.

The plot to help Lan Wangji find a cultivation partner had held little joy when he had believed Wei Wuxian to be the second Jade's equal in temper. But discovering that Wei Wuxian was a wild spirit, sure to drive Lan Wangji mad with annoyance and to distract him from his duties, delighted Nie Huaisang. It was the funniest thing in the world.

It was the stuff of great romances, something which might blossom into a love story people would talk about for ages. Two people of opposite temper, of opposite values even, learning to see each other’s worth… it would be quite fun to watch that unfold, and even more amusing to give it a push here and there.

Helping the romance of others was the closest to living his own that Nie Huaisang was likely to get, so he’d have to content himself with that.

His lack of appealing skills made it unlikely he’d ever provoke the sort of strong sentiment already at play between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. But even a more talented nature would not have changed his delicate position as his brother's heir. Until his brother married and had children, Nie Huaisang knew it would be unwise of him to flirt with anyone of his own choosing, not when the Nie clan might someday require him to make a good match. The only reason he wasn’t already engaged to anyone, he suspected, was because there weren’t many girls of the right age among the greater sects, and because his brother disliked the idea of using him as a political tool unless absolutely necessary.

It was not easy, being next in line to inherit a sect, and Nie Huaisang was quite happy that he wasn’t in love with anyone at all. He only wished a little to be like Wei Wuxian, as a servant's son, free to live as he pleased as long as he did not bring any scandal for his sect. And it was lucky that Lan Wangji's status was not quite as dire as Nie Huaisang’s, not when he had a brother who was more likely to get married than Nie Mingjue, and even a relatively young uncle who could well have children of his own if needed. 

Lucky them indeed, but Nie Huaisang was determined not to envy them.

He’d just have his share of fun watching them… and maybe he’d see if Lan Xichen could be convinced to help too, just so they’d have another thing to laugh about together.

[hopetofantasy]

Culture, parallels & meta - S3 E1

Previous season Prologue: Vlogs (1) - Vlogs (2)

°

Zaterdag 21:43

The time lapse already showing us a string of places that will be important later, like the dark alley, the Meir with Noor’s workplace, the university neighborhood, the Scheldt river where the boys hang out, ...

Perfect parallel: 

The second season starts Zoë’s POV with a (washing machine) door, whilst the third opens with a door to a party that Robbe attends.

Robbe glances back at Noor passing through the shot this episode, an action he repeats when he spots Sander in the second episode. - A very subtle hint to where his love life may lead.

The first one starts with two unknown LGBT+ girls kissing at a party, the last episode shows two known LGBT+ boys (Sobbe) kissing at their own party.

The aerial shot through the floor to introduce us to Robbe’s POV here and the aerial shot through the roof to say goodbye to him in the last episode.

Moyo saying “No one would do you” to Aaron in this episode, Aaron realizing “No one here wants to do me!” in the last.

Where’s Wally? Noor greeting Marie, accompanied by Jana and Britt. Max dancing with Keisha in the crowd.

How ‘meta’ of you: Newsflash, yes you are!

Nod to the OG: 

The deliberate messy POV: following everyone that we know already and then slowly settling on the Isak version in a tub.

Robbe saying Noor looks like ‘Natalie Portman’, which is what people said to the OG Emma when they flirted with her. Everyone, except Isak, that is.

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Moyo keeps pressuring Robbe into explaining what type of girl he likes. The boys laugh it off when he answers that ‘he doesn’t have a type’.

Lost in translation: Moyo mocks Noor’s Dutch accent, making his ‘g’ and ‘st’ sound harsher, while also adding ‘hoor’ at the end - a typical word used by the Dutch to emphasize a point.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Jens is playing with the weed bag. Keisha is one of the girls that Moyo mentions as Jens’ ex-girlfriend or ex-fling. Not only did Noor nót flush the toilet, but she didn’t used any toilet paper either!

°

Zaterdag 22:44

C is for culture: 

Noor rescuing Robbe on her scooter - In Belgium, you’re allowed to drive a moped or scooter once you’ve reached the age of 16. Nothing is needed if the vehicle doesn’t go above 25 km/h. If it stays between the range of 25-45 km/h and max. 50 cc, you need to pass a theoretical exam, 4 hours of driver’s ed and a practical exam to get the license. Anything other than that, has a whole new set of restrictions, types of driver’s licenses and minimum ages.  Noor and Robbe are, however, still breaking the law. As long as you’re not 18, you’re not allowed to have an extra passenger with you. Especially if they’re not wearing a helmet. (Plus they ignored a red light. Those rebels!)

“You do know that you always have to have it with you?” - The Belgian law states that everyone above age twelve, has to get an ID to identify themselves. Some might have had a Kids-ID already - for travel purposes - but that’s not mandatory. However, once you're fifteen years old, you’re obligated to carry your ID with you at all times.

Perfect parallel:

Luca being all jealous whilst staring at Noor and Robbe making out in S3, her glaring at Maud and Robbe every chance she got in the last season.

Robbe and Noor having fun on the scooter while screaming and Robbe filming their adventure in this episode. Robbe and Sander doing a similar thing, but on their bikes in a later episode.

Wink to other remakes: Robbe sporting a brown jacket. (Eliott, anyone?)

Surprise bitch, guess who: It’s Willem Chanterie, the on-set costume designer and social media production assistant!

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Noor has a ‘Fuck Trump’ sticker on her helmet. Robbe says “Hey, it’s red” in a very clear Antwerp accent. 

°

Zaterdag 23:11

Hello from the outside: The garbage truck they sprayed, still drove around the city regularly. The art piece itself is named ‘#Genoeg mama' (= ‘#Enough mommy’). It blames the consumer society as toxic, making young people its victim.

Oopsie: Inside the graffiti den, Noor suddenly sports a tote bag with supplies, even though we never saw her wearing that in the previous shots.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Noor has black combat boots. The photographer is obviously Sander, in case you have missed that subtle clue.

°

Zondag 13:41

Lost in translation/Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: 

“Check die pekie’s”. The word ‘pekie’ is actually Amsterdam slang for ‘beautiful girl, girlfriend’. In recent years, more and more Dutch slang are making their way into the Flemish dialect, because of the Dutch rap songs gaining popularity with the youngsters.

“Vamos, flikkers”. The word ‘flikkers’ can mean ‘wussie’ as well as a derogatory term for ‘homosexual’. Again establishing the fact that the boys use a lot of homophobic or toxic words for each other.

Robbe’s clumsiness meter: +1, him tossing the bag behind Jens instead of into his hands.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: There is a football right next to the skateboards.

°

Maandag 16:04

C is for culture: “The whole art school was talking about it” - 

Secondary school is divided in four sections: general, technical, art and vocational. Which section you choose can have effect on further education. In one of these sections, you pick what you want to study from your first to last year (‘directions’). That means that you have some courses purely focused on the direction and others that are obligated for everyone, regardless.

Art high schoolers can choose to go to work or study a specialization afterwards. Their coursework isn’t solely art based, there are general required courses too. That’s why some foreigners - including the Dutch - come to Belgium, since they’ll get a more rounded and higher level of art education than in their countries. ‘de!KUNSTHUMANIORA’ is the high school in Antwerp Noor goes to and is known for having students with unique styles.

Perfect parallel: 

Noor waiting outside the school for Robbe and him reacting somewhat confused here, Sander doing the same and having an instantly happy Robbe in a later episode.

Robbe having no problem kissing a girl ‘as a straight guy’ in front of the gates in this episode and scared for what might happen if he kissed a boy ‘as a gay guy’ later on. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The insta caption underneath the art work says ‘An inspirational message on a Sunday! Just discovered this in Antwerp city today. Artist unknown... Can you remember when you last called on your mother?’ (That last sentence, oooofff, the symbolism!)

°

Dinsdag 14:57

C is for culture: 

“Yes, mini enterprises are so chill.” - Mini enterprises are often used as a tool for Economics in the fifth/sixth year. The goal of these is to ‘learn whilst doing it’. Like the name specifies, mini enterprises are actual miniature companies set up by a group of students. During the school year, they’ll try to work together on commercializing a product. All aspects of entrepreneurship are at play here: writing a business plan, holding meetings, doing bookkeeping, marketing the product, produce and sell it, ... If the enterprise idea is good or well executed, it might even win a national prize by the company making this education formula.

“What if he contacts child protection services” - Actually, those services doesn’t really exist in Belgium. There are, however, other youth organizations for these types of things, like JAC - Youth Advice Centre, CLB - Centre for Student Guidance and the Centre for Mental Healthcare.

Perfect parallel: The boys hyping Aaron up to walk over to Amber and talk to her - yet he fails in this episode, them doing the same and he succeeds (after some fails) in the last episode. 

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Jens saying “Damn, seems like someone is on his fucking period”, after Robbe snaps at him due to the difficult telephone call with his dad.

Lost in translation: Jens saying “Mijn kop staat er niet naar” (= “My head’s not standing there”) can actually mean different things: I’m not in the mood, it’s not the right time, I don't want to do it, my head’s all over the place, ... It depends on the context, on which interpretation would suit the situation the best. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The girls are all fawning all over Britt’s cellphone, so there is a good chance that they’re discussing (pictures of) her boyfriend, Sander. Also, Jana’s braces are gone! 

°

Donderdag 17:13

Perfect parallel: Robbe stating that he can’t talk to his dad or he’ll fight and Zoë getting that, as she said a similar thing to an understanding Senne about her parents in S2. 

How ‘meta’ of you: Ah, yes, fandom ship names in SKAM. We applaud!

Oopsie: If you look really hard, you see that the body type and hair of Robbe’s dad, doesn’t correspond with the version waiting at the restaurant later on.

Wink to other remakes: This shot reminding you of a certain S3 trailer?  👀

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The numerous references to Zoënne’s relationship in their room (relationship pics, Senne’s guitar). The paper Milan gifts to Robbe is the written permission by his parent to live with them, as is obligated by law.

°

Vrijdag 20:04

Perfect parallel: 

Senne pulling Zoë up after a kiss here, just like with their first kiss in S2.

Robbe pushing Milan away after thinking he wanted to kiss him at the party in S2, them hugging it out in after talking about it in S3.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Zoë and Milan making some healthy party snacks like cauliflower and cocktail sauce, cheese with tomatoes and salami squares. She pulls back the bottle of gin that Milan wants to steal. Senne also bought paprika and tortilla chips from Colruyt (a discount store).

°

Vrijdag 20:54

C is for culture: “Noor, Robbe’s girlfriend” - (Teen) dating culture is different in Belgium. Usually, if you have kissed, hung out, texted or just said/did something to show your mutual interest, you’d pretty much consider yourself in a relationship. It can go from 0 to 100 very quick. Unless there is, of course, an agreement that what you’re doing is no such thing. Also, nobody really ask you to be their gf/bf. It just implied or stated to their family or friends. 

Perfect parallel: 

A reluctant Robbe pushing himself to do stuff to Noor (playful dancing, kissing, riling her up) as far as putting his hands on her bra here. A totally different, excited Robbe not even thinking twice about doing these things to Sander, even licking his nipple during their reunion.

Noor pushing Robbe on the bed and climbing over him, whilst Robbe looks all sad in this episode. Him pushing Sander on the bed and being happy as Sander crawls over him during their reunion.

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Robbe tries to convince himself into liking heterosexual sex with Noor and fake laughs with his friends about having it.

Where’s Wally? Keisha laughing with Amber and later dancing with Marie.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Jens is talking to Senne. The decorations behind Milan saying ‘Welkom Robbe’ (= ‘Welcome Robbe’). Noor has a beautiful tattoo of a pin-up girl covered with butterflies on her lower arm.

[lostinfic]

Christmas Eve (stuck) in the Lab

Bonus chapter 🍋

Summary: Rose and John find themselves together in a shower again.

Rating: E   |   Words: this chapter ~2k

@doctorroseprompts​ directly inspired by the ficmas prompt “tradition”

Ao3

  - One year later -

From the street, Rose looked up at the window of John’s flat. The only Christmas decoration he’d allowed— a string of white LED snowflakes— blinked in the early twilight. Although the holiday season still brought forth painful souvenirs, he was making room in his memory for better, happier ones. Sarah Jane had come over for a festive supper last night with her son Luke (John was over the moon about getting called “uncle John”), and they would attend the staff party at the Museum tonight (on one condition: Rose wore the same sexy dress as last year). He hadn’t agreed yet to accompany her to cousin Mo’s party, and Rose wouldn’t insist.

She climbed the stairs quickly, dropped her school bag by the door and sank down on the blue couch, letting out a huge breath.

“It’s done,” she said.

John pulled his head out of the fridge, “How did the exam go?”

“It went well, I think.”

“Of course, it did.” He grinned at her over the refrigerator door. “You’ve got your A-levels!”

“If I haven’t failed any of the exams.”

“None of that,” he chided her.

John plopped down on the couch, holding a tub of leftover chocolate mousse. Rose had barely had time to appreciate it last night, having to rush back to her books to study after the meal. He fed her a bite and ate one himself. She rested her head on his shoulder, and sighed contentedly as chocolate melted on her tongue.

Although being over 21 years old, she didn’t need her A-levels to enroll at a university, taking them had seemed like a gentler transition from retail to academia. Judging by her stress of the last weeks, she had been right to do so. But now, as she snuggled with her boyfriend, tension slowly drained out of her muscles.

“Thank you,” she said, “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

John smiled at her, not that manic grin of his, but with something almost beatific to the curve of his lips. He admired her with heavy-lidded eyes. She wanted to both hide from and bask in that soft gaze.  

“Stop looking at me like that,” she said good-humoredly.

“How else am I supposed to look at the woman I love?”

Their relationship had evolved slowly over the year. John had been on his own since he was eighteen, and Rose had been badly hurt, and one heated kiss on Christmas eve couldn’t resolve all that. But now, he’d stopped fretting when she spent more than two nights at his flat, and she’d stopped interpreting moments of silence as punishment. I-love-yous came easily and they shared a whole conversation with just a glance. He was her boyfriend, her lover and her best friend, and she refused to listen to the little voice in her head that told her it was too good to be true.

Rose kissed him. With exams now off her mind, she could fully sink into the feeling of his mouth on hers. A delicious warmth spread through her body. Her lips parted against his, and they moved together, leisurely, savouring the moment. Until her tongue teased him, that is. He fumbled to put the cake down somewhere without breaking the kiss. As soon as his hands were freed, they found her waist. A small, keening sound escaped her throat. Savouring gave way to devouring. Rose straddled his legs.

A series of insistent pings interrupted their kiss. With a sigh, John reached for his phone, but Rose remained in his lap. Several text messages from Donna reminded them to avoid the lab at all costs before the party. For the first time since he’d begun working at the Museum, John had agreed to pop in (he hadn’t committed to staying until the end), and Donna wasn’t giving him a chance to renege on his engagement. She had invited them, as well as Jack, Martha and Mickey, to her place for drinks and tapas beforehand.

“Where are you?” Donna texted. “If you even think about not coming, I swear to god you can kiss your new spectrometer goodbye.”

He typed a quick reply with one hand, the other still on Rose’s waist.

“Any regrets about staying in London for the holidays this year?” Rose asked.

“I can still book a last-minute flight if your mother decides to cook.”

“Oi!” She slapped his chest playfully.

He cracked a smile, then turned serious. He rubbed his hands up and down her thighs.

“I was thinking, maybe next year, you could come with me, if you want.”

“On a trip? With you?”

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“I’d love it!”

She cupped his face for a big smooch, putting all her joy and excitement into it. His hands wandered to her bum, sending a thrill up her spine.

“We should get prepared,” he said half-heartedly.

Rose nodded, and yet the kiss escalated to something more demanding. Every caress of his lips reverberated between her legs.

“Rose, if you keep running your fingers through my hair like that I won’t be held responsible if we’re late to the party.”

“Is that so?”

Kissing his neck, she ran her fingers through his hair again. A small moan escaped his lips. She had meant it as a joke, but found she couldn’t stop herself. His cologne smelled too good and his heart sped up in his chest beneath her palms. Unfortunately, knowing they were expected somewhere else worried her.

“You’re right, we’ll be late.”

She started getting up, but John grabbed her around the waist.

“No, I’m not right. I’m wrong. Never been more wrong in my life.”

“I can think of a few other times you were wrong.”

He shut her up with a kiss. She chuckled and let him trap her on his knees. They continued making out. His hand slipped under her t-shirt, raising goosebumps in its wake, until it met her breast. He sought her nipple hardening under the thin lace of her bra. Her hips snapped, meeting his groin. He hissed and tugged her closer.

“Fuck,” Rose muttered.

But it wasn’t a good “fuck”, it was a frustrated “fuck.”

“What?” he asked, distracted by undoing her bra clasp.

“I can’t stop thinking about how mad Donna will be.”

His arms dropped at his sides.

“I’d rather you didn’t think about my lab manager whilst making me hard.”

With her best sex kitten voice, Rose whispered in his ear, “If you think I’m making you hard now, wait ‘till we get back from the party.” She swiveled her hips.

He groaned. “Alright, but I have a feeling we’ll be leaving early.”

They kissed one last time and separated with a forlorn sigh.

Knowing she was doing the right thing didn’t help with the throbbing between her legs. As she undressed to take a shower, Rose kept thinking John could be the one doing that for her right now. The water running down her body only reminded her of his caresses. As she soaped up her chest, she thought she ought to relieve herself quickly or else she wouldn’t enjoy the party which led to thoughts of sneaking away from the reception to John’s office and bending over his desk... She bit her bottom lip to muffle a whimper.

“Rose, have you seen my grey shirt?”

She pulled the shower curtain aside to reply but was dumbstruck by his appearance. He was wearing only his trousers, unfastened and sitting low on his hips in the most tantalizing way. Her mouth went dry despite being in the shower.

“Have you?” he repeated.

“You know how Christmas is about traditions,” she said instead.

“Yeah?”

“And we should honour those traditions.” She pushed the shower curtain farther away from herself, revealing more of her wet and naked body.

John swallowed. If he’d been holding an ancient femur, he’d have dropped it again.

“Is this about baby Jesus, ‘cause I’m not sure now’s a good time to discuss religion,” he said, rather distracted by the sight before him.

“No, this is about our own tradition. Involving showers?”

His mouth curved into a grin, and he did that cocky thing with his jaw again. “And sharing said shower?”

“Now you’re getting it.”

He couldn’t have been faster out of these trousers.

When he joined her in the tub, she was already panting. She crossed her arms behind his neck and dragged him under the warm water. They immediately found each other’s mouth, ravenous and impatient. He touched her everywhere, unable to settle on a particular spot as she offered her whole body to him.  

Despite their good intentions, the separation had only stoked their arousal further.

John’s mobile rang, and they both ignored it. Rose’s mobile followed, an insistent ring coming from the other room.

“5 quid that’s Donna,” Rose said between kisses.

“What did I tell you about thinking about her when I’m like this?” he joked and pinched her bum. “Besides, that’s too easy. I might as well give you 5 quid right away.”

“Or you could pay me by doing that thing with your tongue.”

He stepped back, an eyebrow raised, his face a mix of mock outrage and admiration. “Rose Tyler!”

He looked her up and down, his appraising gaze turned heated. This time, his touch was measured. He spread his hands, wide and warm, over her waist, sliding them up to her breasts. Rose leaned into his touch.

“I will make sure you are thoroughly decontaminated,” he said.

“Uhm...”

“That— that sounded sexier in my head.”

“Yeah, maybe just…”

“Get to it?”

“Yeah.”

They both laughed, but Rose’s laughter turned into a moan as his lips descended on her collarbone.

Fuck, but she loved this dork.

She recognized that hunger in him, the groans and open-mouth kisses over her breasts. His tongue tickled her ribs down to her stomach.

He knelt on the slippery floor and nipped the inside of her thighs. He sucked at the cushy flesh there, wet with more than water. His mouth trailed higher and higher. Rose put a feet up on the ledge of the tub to grant him better access. He chuckled at her impatience, but she could hardly stand the lust growing in her. At last, his hot tongue slithered between her lower lips. She threw her head back with a long, throaty moan.

He closed his eyes against the water running from his hair, drops caught in his eyelashes. His nose pressed to her pubic bone. His tongue delved deeper, seeking that nub that made her gasp. Her toes curled, and she moved her hips to meet his mouth. He stroked himself as he ate her and moaned when she grasped his hair.

Rose’s pleasure increased exponentially with every lick. She forgot about the staff party and Donna and the towels that needed changing. She slipped in that heavenly state where only their intimate connection mattered.

Her grip on his hair tightened. He wanked faster. He closed his lips over her clit, and she had to clutch the shower caddy.

“Oh, god! Don’t stop!”

But he did.

“Wha’?”

He rose up in the steam. Rose swallowed hard at the intensity in his eyes. He palmed himself and smirked when her eyes followed the movement.

He was hard. So very hard for her. Every inch of him swollen with desire.

“Turn around,” he said, and she couldn’t resist his command.

Palms flat on the white tiles, she glanced at him over her shoulders. Ready. Eager. With one long hand, he pinned both her wrists to the wall. Rose’s knees buckled.

He trailed his other hand down her spine, and she arched under his touch, raising her hips, a whimper on her lips.

He glided his cock between her thighs, so very close to where she needed him, but withholding fulfillment.

“Jooohn,” she begged.

She felt him twitch against her inner thigh. At last, he pushed in her. He’d meant to go slowly, but she was more than ready for him. Her heat sucked him in, and she moved her hips to hurry the process. Twin gasps echoed in the shower. He paused to steady himself, but she deliberately clenched around him. His head dropped to her shoulder, and he mumbled curses.

“Sorry. I need you so bad.”

He thrust tentatively, drawing out and sliding back in to the hilt, eliciting long moans from them both.

He nuzzled the nape of her neck and kneaded her breast as if trying to get as close to her as possible. She luxuriated in their proximity, in their shared ardour of both body and heart.

“I’m so close already,” she mumbled.

It was all he needed to start hammering.

Rose’s voice was one continuous, incoherent babble, full of swears and praises, as John let loose. His short nails bit into her hip. His hair dripped down her back. The sounds of slapping skin filled the shower. The fingers he’d used to pin her wrists now twined with hers.

On the edge of bliss, Rose’s muscles tightened, her body taut and ready for just a bit more…

“Ah! Yes! Yes!”

Pleasure erupted from her core. Only John’s arm around her midriff kept her upright.

“Rose…?”

“Keep going.”

His last restraint snapped. He surrendered to his own pleasure. She wished she could see him, wild and blissful. As best as she could in this position, she wrapped an arm around his neck. When she felt his teeth at her shoulder, she came again. Her orgasm triggered his own. He pressed his pelvis to her bum, and groaned against her neck as he spilled in her.  

With their remaining force, they slid to the bottom of the bath.

“Fantastic tradition, Rose,” he said, out of breath. “I’m already looking forward to next year’s celebration.”

“In another shower, somewhere else in the world?”

“Anywhere you want, Rose. The first of many, many showers abroad.”

[alexiessan]

Never alone - Chapter Two - Soulmate AU

AO3

Previous - Here - Next

Master List

Hello! Faster than ever before, I present you the second chapter of Never Alone!

I chose to not describe Marinette with her clothes or hairstyle so that you can imagine her as you want! In my mind, since she's a fashion designer, I imagine her always changing her clothes and very fashionable. I don't see her with her pigtails either. But it's up to you as to how you see her!

Also, I'm French, so if there are any grammatical mistakes, do not hesitate to tell me so I can come back and correct them!

Two months in the new school year, and Marinette was already exhausted. While she had a very calm summer filled with outings with her friends, she was now drowning in work. Jagged wanted her to design his newest album cover, and Clara Nightingale has asked for a new outfit for a music video.

 At school, Alya and Marinette were doing their best to find a good trip for the end of the year. The school had a decent amount of money that was set aside specifically for their class trip, but they would need to organize an event or two if they wanted to go somewhere outside of Europe. They were lucky enough that their class’ trip was set for their first year of high school: Mrs. Mendelieiv’s class’ trip was set for the next year, right before the first set of exams for the baccalaureat. 

 Along with all that, there was also her duty as Ladybug. Hawkmoth has been relatively calm during the summer, but as soon as school started again in September, he released his akumas again.

 Except, now, they were more brutal than ever before.

 Ladybug cursed as the Akuma managed to deeply cut her on her left side. She watched as Chat jumped in as she collapsed on the roof they were battling. True to his promise, Chat took his job more seriously and only joked during patrols now. He also stopped to jump mindlessly in front of her to save her from a hit and actually tried to get both of them out of the way.

 The Akuma they were fighting was a dangerous one. His arm has been transformed into two big shears, and they hurt like hell.

 Ladybug watched with fascination as her hand was tainted with her own blood. She couldn’t remember if an Akuma had hurt her that much before… She knew for sure that she was bleeding too heavily and she was getting a bit dizzy. They would need to end the fight very soon.

 Standing up, she took advantage of the distraction Chat provided to trip the Akuma with her yoyo, succeeding in tripping him. Quickly, Chat snatched the man’s bow and used cataclysm on it.

 As she cleansed the Akuma and watched the light heal Paris and herself as she cast the cure, the red-clothed superhero couldn’t help but think it was time to contact the Justice League again.

 Back when they got their miraculous, she and Chat had contacted the Justice League of Europe to ask for help. They were just teenagers without any training entrusted to protect a whole city as big as Paris, and it was clear to them they couldn’t possibly do that alone.

 The person they had talked to at the moment had listened to them, took note and told them they would come back to them after informing the heroes of the issue in Paris. It was a month later that one of the heroes contacted them, informing them they would not intervene in Paris, as they have been doing a good job up until now and the miraculous cure healed everyone and repaired everything. They then give them words of encouragement before they cut the connection.

 Ladybug had then wanted to contact the Justice League of America before remembering they wouldn’t be able to do anything as France was certainly not under their jurisdiction. 

 And thus, there they were, still two untrained teenagers, acting on instinct against people with magic powers.

 Great.

 She let Chat take care of the victim, still feeling the pain on her left side, even though it was healed and there was not a trace of blood left on her person.

 “Are you ok?”

 Ladybug watched as the victim was taken care of by some policemen and turned her attention to her partner.

 “I’m fine Chat. Sorry I had to let you handle everything.”

 “Hey, you were hurt and losing a lot of blood. It’s a wonder you could even stand up afterward.”

 The girl smiled. “Should we try to contact the JLE again?”

 Chat Noir sighed. “Even though they won’t intervene, they are watching closely what’s happening here. If they haven’t decided to step in yet, contacting them won’t change anything LB.”

 Ladybug sighed. “You’re right. Of course. I should go Chat, I’m about to transform back.”

 “Sure thing. I’ll see you later, then.”

                                                                                               Back in her room, Marinette winced as she sat down on her bed.

 “Are you really ok Marinette?”

 Tikki was looking at her with her big, wide blue eyes. She was obviously worried.

 “I’m fine, just a bit sore. I’m lucky that the cure healed me, but I think I’ll still feel the pain for a few days.”

 While the cure healed her, the pain stayed for some time after, varying on the severity of the injury. Since her latest injure was pretty severe, it would hurt for a little while.

 “Alright, I still have some homework to do for tomorrow. You should eat something and go to sleep Tikki, you must be tired after today. There should be a cookie or two on my desk.”

 The kwami looked at her for a moment before flying over her desk, knowing it was useless to insist and there wasn’t anything she could do anyway. Even if she wished she could take Marinette’s pain away.  

                      “Alright girl, you said you found something for the trip?”

 It was early December now, and Marinette had asked Alya to join her in the school library to discuss the trip. The fashion designer took the laptop out of her bag and opened it to show her what she found.

 “So, you know how the trip also has to be educational? This is the Wayne Career Program. It’s designed for high school students. Each one of us would shadow someone in the firm as a sort of internship to learn about different professions.”

 “Putain, girl! That’s amazing. Wayne Enterprises have a lot of different sectors. I could totally work with the PR team if we can manage to secure a trip there. Plus it’s in Gotham, in America!”

 Alya literally squealed at the idea of traveling overseas.

 “Yeah, I’m a bit worried about that actually. You know it’s not really the safest place on Earth.”

 And what an understatement that was. Gotham was probably the city with the most crimes in the world. It would be a miracle if the school allowed them to go. But then again, the school board would do anything to up their reputation and a class winning an internship at WE… The principal would boast about it years after they had all graduated.

 “There is an essay we have to write to apply. I suggest we write it before we present the idea to Ms. Bustier. We also need to prepare arguments for her and the school board.”

 “No problem girl, I already have tons of arguments there.” The reporter showed her her notebook where there were two pages filled with arguments. The class president nodded, those were really good. She could really rely on her friend.

 “Well, that was quick. Those should be enough to convince them. On to the essay, then. ‘How do you think you can change the world?’”

 They spent hours after that, taking notes and making several drafts of the essay. It took them a week to have the actual final product and when they handed it to Ms. Bustier, she was delighted. It was decided they wouldn’t announce the destination of the trip to the class until they were sure it could be a possibility.

 Alya and Marinette had dropped hints about the destination though, to see if the class would actually like to go to Gotham.

 After a week or so, they knew they had chosen well.

 On Marinette’s birthday, on the 16th of December, after lunch where the whole class sang Happy birthday to her, the class president and the class deputy had a meeting with the principal and the board of the school.

 It was tough to convince them, and the meeting actually lasted the whole afternoon, but at the end of the day, they had all signed the papers that confirmed that the trip would happen in Gotham, should the two girls won the contest. They even agreed to unfreeze some more funds for it. This program would really look good on the school’s record. 

 It was with a bright smile that they returned to class ten minutes before the end of the day bell and announced to everyone that the trip to Gotham has been confirmed. Using the classroom’s computer, the whole class witness as the two girls applied to the Wayne Career Program.

 Now, all they had to do was wait for an answer. 

                                                                                 Life after that was a bit calmer for Marinette, if you didn’t count the Akumas. She worried that they were more and more violent, and more often than not, she had lingering pain from injuries she got at Ladybug.

 But life was good. Lila had even stopped lying and was herself. Even if it means that she wasn’t very kind to anyone, even mocking all of them at times, the class would just scoff and roll their eyes at her antics. The designer still wouldn’t talk to her, but the atmosphere in the class was lighter than the previous year, and for that Marinette was grateful.

 They were all at an outdoor ice rink at the end of January when Marinette’s phone beeped with a notification. 

 “Oh fucking shit, guys!”

 It caught everyone’s attention as the tiny Dupain-Cheng was not one to curse like that.

 “I just got an email for Mr. Wayne’s secretary! Our class is among the nine others to have won the contest! We are going to Gotham in May!”

 Everyone cheered at that, hugging each other and even going as far as carrying Marinette and Alya around, as it was their doing.

 “America, here we come!” shouted Kim.

 “You do realize that you will have to work extra hard on your English, right?” teased Max.

 “Oh, shit.”

 Everyone laughed at that, but it was agreed among themselves and their English teacher that they would all stay for an hour and a half after school to learn the language, up until their trip.

 “I can’t wait to see Gotham’s heroes in action!” squealed Alya.

 “Aren’t they vigilantes?” asked Mylène.

 “Same thing!”

 “Not quite, babe.” grinned Nino.

 Even Lila was smiling with them, and it was huge progress in their book.

 Marinette smiled, “We’ll be there for two weeks. The first week, we’ll be visiting around, and the second week will be dedicated to our internships. I will have to send a list of all our careers of interest to Mr. Wayne’s secretary, so they can organize who we will be shadowing. So, I’ll need you to send me those pieces of information this weekend, so I can send it on Monday, okay?”

 “Roger that, boss.”

 As Alya took her hand to skate with her around the rink, the baker’s daughter couldn’t help the huge smile on her lips. A year ago, there was a lot of tension in the class, and here they were, all laughing together and talking excitedly about the upcoming trip that their class president and deputy won them.

 She could hear Rose talking excitedly about the things she wanted to see in Gotham. She watched as Kim challenged Alix on God knows what and laughed as Max stated that he had a two-percent chance of winning that bet. She smiled as Adrien, with them at an outing for once, fell on his butt and Nino laughed as he helped him up. She even grinned as she watched Lila having a conversation with Nathaniel without being mean or mocking him once.

 She had thought a year before that Lila would never change, but she was wrong. And she was happy that she had been, because even though Lila wasn’t very nice, well, all her classmates were kind enough to make up for it.

 Yeah, Marinette thought with a smile, life was good. And she had a feeling that it would be even better.

Tag list: 

@bigpicklebananatree @animegirlweeb @crazylittlemunchkin @northernbluetongue @cutechip @justafanwarrior @iloontjeboontje @resignedcatservant

[halothenthehorns]

TLTNL THE THIRD TASK

Lily sat there, fidgeting in unease before she forced herself to start her chapter, but at least there was the comfort that the last task coming up would be the last of it.

Noticing his wife's hesitation, James gave her the chance to stall for a few moments more as he called to Sirius, "you going to sulk over there all day?" He wanted Sirius in easy smacking distance if he found an excuse to use his name pun again.

Sirius stretched leisurely, eyed his mate for the tone, but then got to his feet and decided it was worth the risk as he flopped back on Harry's side and declared, "Who's sulking? Just because I don't want to sit by your ugly mug all day."

"You've tragically put up with it for years," Remus reminded, "I think you can stand it a little while longer."

Lily actually managed a giggle at the boys picking as she began.

Ron asked if Dumbledore really thought You-Know-Who was getting stronger?

"Why do we keep starting these chapters with Ron recounting stuff?" Lily sighed. "I'd be much happier listening to you all discuss your Charms homework."

"Glad you would," James wrinkled his nose, "I'd rather keep talking about all the ways to get Snape out of that school."

Harry had just finished recounting his Pensieve event to his friends, after first writing it all and sending it to Sirius.

"Finally," Sirius gave a dramatic sniff, "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me."

"How could I ever do such a thing?" Harry demanded back in exasperation, "you keep talking in my ear about how important you are."

"He learns fast," Remus snickered.

  The three had been sitting around ever since exchanging all the knowledge they'd gained this year, and Harry's head finally understood what Dumbledore meant about wanting to siphon a bit off.

"You're fourteen, you shouldn't have to know what that feels like yet," Lily sighed.

"I don't know, I had the most thoughts in my head when I hit that age," Sirius smirked.

Lily kept reading, loudly, before she had to hear any more about that.

Ron was mostly stuck on the fact that Dumbledore trusted Snape, though he'd been confirmed as a Death Eater.

Hermione hadn't spoken for a time while Harry and Ron spoke, her head bent towards her knees as she looked like she could do with a Pensieve as well. Her first words were Rita Skeeter.

James began laughing raucously at once, bright eyes shining as he said, "I'm just so glad Hermione has her priorities in line."

"You ever worry about Hermione becoming a wee bit obsessed?" Remus snickered.

"What, her? No, never," Sirius' tone was going to bleed him out of sarcasm with that one sentence.

Ron demanded how she could be worrying about her?

"Worry is the wrong word," Lily shook her head.

Hermione corrected she was thinking about what Skeeter, and Winky had said about what they knew about Bagman. That Death Eater trial where he'd been accused must be it.

"You guys put that stuff together so much faster," Harry sighed.

"Helps to have more than one genius in the room," Sirius smirked.

"Hey!" Harry yelped.

Ron asked if Fudge really thought Maxime had been the one to get rid of Crouch, and Harry agreed Fudge had said so, while Ron did acknowledge they'd never considered her before, and she did have giant blood and didn't want to admit it.

"Well yes, but that doesn't actually have anything to do with Crouch," James rolled his eyes at Ron trying to put every mundane thing together.

Hermione said she didn't blame her, look at what happened to Hagrid, but that didn't mean she had motive. Hermione would lie as well.

"I'll give her that," Lily nodded fairly, "it's practically suicide in this day and age just to go around saying you're a Muggleborn, but I still don't think that gives you the right to throw other people under the bus to protect yourself."

"We don't know that's what Maxime did," Harry sighed in defense of her.

"True, but we can't think of any other ways Rita's getting these interviews without a first person account," Sirius' scowl didn't lessen one bit.

Then Hermione checked her watch and began scolding them all at once for not having done any practice tonight, they'd have to work extra hard tomorrow on their curses. Then she ordered Harry off to bed.

Harry'd made the joke before, but it really was something to hear his friend try to mother him while his mother read that.

While Harry crawled into bed, his eyes flickered over to Neville in the adjacent one. True to his promise, he had not mentioned that lone part about his parents.

Lily's voice hitched into unrecognizable as she forced that out, her hands trembling slightly along the pages as she couldn't get the image of Alice screaming in pain out of her head.

Harry had often received sympathy for being an orphan, but Harry thought Neville deserved it more for having parents that were alive and didn't even recognize him.

"I really don't think anyone should be deciding who gets more sympathy for what they go through in life," James sighed. "You just happen to be slightly more public, but I can almost guarantee if Neville didn't have his scary grandmother around him outside of school, he'd be getting the same thing." His mind lingered on how well known and liked the Longbottoms were, and even Dumbledore saying how the public had been whipped into a panic of what happened to them. It was just as likely the people in that day knew Neville's name as well as Harry's, though he could believe not the other kids their age.

As Harry drifted off to sleep, he thought of all the people that continued to be harmed by the Death Eaters; the Longbottoms, Crouch's son. It was all Voldemort's doing, his existence that continued ruining all these lives.

"It can help to look at the big picture," Remus sighed in agreement.

Ron and Hermione were supposed to be studying for their exams,

"Almost forgot you got exempt from those," Remus said in surprise.

"I didn't," Sirius rolled his eyes, "it's so far the only good thing that's come of this mess."

which would finish on the day of the third task, but they were putting most of their efforts into helping Harry prepare.

"I really love your friends," Lily smiled sweetly.

"As do I," James agreed, "but I don't know why you bring this up now. I'd do anything to stop studying for exams, helping out my friend is just a bonus."

When Harry tried to convince them of this, Hermione just brushed him off, saying this was just extra studying for their DADA class.

Sirius mock gasped in outrage, "how dare Hermione equate practicing useful spells to learning in a classroom, I'm shamed for her."

"I'll pass the message along," Harry chuckled.

Ron agreed this was all good training for when they all became Aurors, while managing to Impediment a wasp buzzing around.

They were all genuinely impressed at that skill, not just anyone could hit a moving target small as a bug.

"I'm believing that more and more as this goes on," James chuckled as he looked to Harry. "You really think you go on to do that?" He emphasized the word think so as not to upset Harry.

He mulled it over for a bit, but only gave a small smile for an answer while saying, "I can see it, but I don't know if that's just me at fourteen still seeing it."

"So how many Auror noses have you seen to change your opinion?" Remus smirked.

Harry chuckled lightly at the joke again, though he did somehow wonder if he ever did meet other Aurors besides Mad-Eye?

The mood in the castle couldn't be more excited as everyone was looking forward to the last task a week before school ended.

Despite the nerves coloring her tone, there was also some palpable relief mixed in. Finally the last task, this really should be the end of their big worries the rest of this year. It didn't matter how stupid it was to be afraid of these things looking at her full grown boy, those tasks were a nightmare.

Harry was practicing hexes at every available moment.

"On who exactly?" James asked innocently. "Just so we can keep track is all."

"Harry doesn't go around doing that like some people," Lily snapped at him before Harry could respond.

James rolled his eyes, but Harry blinked at the pair in surprise. It was foolish to think James hadn't cursed Snape at some point with all the animosity they'd been throwing around, and yes they'd admitted several times now to pranks, a few of which had some bad results, but just how often did his dad go around cursing people for the fun of it? It sounded more like something Malfoy would do for kicks? He'd really always put his mother's comments like that down to her exasperation, but the more she said it, the more sure he was she wasn't really exaggerating.

He was walking into this third task more confident than he ever had for the others as he realized Moody was right, he had faced barriers and enchantments like this before, and he'd even had time to prepare for these.

Harry was immediately distracted by wanting to laugh at his younger self for being an idiot. Something about this task was going to go horribly wrong, he'd been thinking that from day one of rehearing about this, and he still had no clue what.

McGonagall had quickly grown tired of walking in on the three practicing in empty classrooms, and so had allowed them to be using hers while she wasn't.

"Sounds like McGonagall," Sirius nodded along. "Tries to hide her act of helpfulness by saying it annoyed her otherwise."

Harry had quickly mastered a plethora of useful Curses, as well as a handy find called the Four-Point spell, which pointed him north and would help him find his way along in the maze. Now all he was struggling with was his Shield Charm.

"That's a common tricky one," Remus agreed, "instead of one burst of energy to blast a spell, you're expected to hold it up and linger on the magic, very hard for people to learn to adapt to."

He was still stumbling around after Hermione's Jelly-Legs Jinx got through his.

"Now see, wouldn't wiggling ears be better than that," James smirked.

Ron was hovering by the window going over some new lists of spells, and called them over to have a look at Malfoy.

"Nothing good," all the boys muttered at once.

They peaked down and saw Malfoy and his usual cronies all huddled under a tree, Crabbe and Goyle apparently keeping watch and smirking.

"Definitely not good," Sirius corrected.

Malfoy was holding his hand up to his mouth and speaking into it.

Harry's eyes narrowed behind his glasses, for some reason he was convinced now more than ever Malfoy was talking to an electronic bug, no matter how impossible Hermione said it could be, but why now though? What could Malfoy be doing down there?

Harry guessed he was using a walkie-talkie from the looks of it.

"What's that?" James asked eagerly.

"You talk into one end, and you can hear someone on the other end," Remus shrugged, "good for long distance type things, but they do have a range shorter than a telephone."

"That sounds brilliant," at once his eyes gleamed, and they could all guess what he was immediately thinking before he said it. "Wish we had those at school, would have come in real handy."

"Sadly, as I'm sure Hermione's fixing to remind, it wouldn't have done us any good," Sirius sighed.

Hermione again repeated how those wouldn't work here, and then told Harry he had to get back to work on that Shield Charm.

"But we were actually having fun spying on Malfoy instead of vice versa for a change," Sirius sighed.

Sirius was sending daily owls now.

"I am biting my tongue not to make a mother hen joke at you right now," Remus snickered.

Sirius sighed and grumbled a bit, but knew he would have taken it in stride if anyone had, he both deserved it, and thought he was in the right to be doing so as well as everyone else. Even Harry couldn't be too annoyed at his paranoid Godfather, the constant mail and worry was the most support and worry he'd ever got in his life.

They were all filled with warnings to concentrate on getting out of this task and leave everything else for afterwards because it wasn't his responsibility or in his power to do anything for now.

"I don't really think that part was necessary though," James had a fixed smile in place as he really wanted to snap at Sirius for overstepping his bounds, and then having to remind himself Sirius was the only one there setting those bounds. "He's not like you, he doesn't think the outside world revolves around him as much as that castle."

Sirius laughed because he knew he was supposed to, but no one could miss the catch of annoyance in James' voice. To be honest it was the first time Harry noticed it though, and he felt like an idiot it had taken him this long to realize his dad might be jealous of Sirius doing all this. He wasn't really sure what to say though, it felt like an empty promise to tell someone they couldn't be replaced when he'd never met him before, while it would also be downplaying how much he really was touched at everything Sirius did for him.

Sirius promised that after this was all over, they could put their attention on other matters.

"What other matters?" Remus couldn't help but ask even if it didn't help the odd lingering silence in the room. "What exactly do you plan to do with him once this task is over, take him Voldemort hunting?"

"Nah," Sirius waved him off, "more like take him into the forest and give him some survival skills, that seems like much more fun."

"The worst part is, I can't decide if either of you are kidding," Lily muttered as she decided to ignore them both.

Harry was starting to grow uneasy the closer the date began, but it wasn't nearly so bad as the previous two. At least this one he'd done everything possible to be prepared for.

"To be fair, I still don't see how you could have been 'prepared' for the first task. You weren't given anything to work with," James pointed out to sketch out his own feelings.

"Least with this one I wasn't having crazy time jump skips," Harry shrugged, "it finally felt, I don't know, final."

There was something about the way he said that that gave them all a deep chill that even Harry didn't seem aware, he had a faraway look in his eyes when he finished.

The best part was, this was the final one. Good or bad, after this it would all be over.

"There's the bright side," Lily said with forced chipper that didn't seem to get through to anyone, not even herself.

Breakfast of the morning gave Harry a special treat, Sirius had sent him an extra good luck note. It was only a muddy paw print on a page, but Harry smiled as he tucked it away.

Sirius covered the happy feeling that gave him with a snort of mirth, telling Harry, "always good to know what you appreciate, just let me nip out into the rain right quick and I'll be back with a whole room full of mud."

"You'll do no such thing," Lily said at once without looking up, "I haven't forgiven you for singing my rug yet."

Sirius blanched and sat very far back in his seat, dang, she had noticed.

An owl arrived with Hermione's Daily Prophet, and while she began unfolding it and taking a sip of her drink, she quickly spat that in surprise.

"That's an encouraging start!" Remus went bug eyed at once, all of them feeling like jumping out of their seat at once in panic.

Both boys tried to ask what was going on even as she tried to tuck it away,

"Exactly how believable does she think that is?" James demanded faintly.

but Ron was quicker and took it away. His first words were to call someone a cow.

Harry at once guessed Skeeter, while Ron tried for a no more effective plan of putting the paper out of Harry's sights.

Sirius actually did laugh, Harry really had the best friends who were far more alike than they ever would have admitted aloud, both thinking that would work.

Harry was in no way surprised as he guessed it was about him, while both answered no in the same unconvincing tone.

"Should we be worried they're compulsive liars?" Remus rolled his eyes, still forcing himself to remain in his seat rather than trying to take a peek over Lily's shoulder already and find out what this was.

Harry hadn't a chance to argue anymore as Malfoy called from the Slytherin table about how Harry was going to go berserk on them any moment.

"Err," Harry muttered in surprise. Malfoy had used a lot of lame insults on him, but that had certainly come out of nowhere.

"Oh just tell your friends to give you the paper already," Lily scowled hatefully, "might as well get it over with."

"It's not like he can avoid it," James regretfully agreed.

Malfoy had his own copy of the paper in his hands, and all along the table Slytherins were laughing and pointing at their heads and casting Harry looks.

"To be fair, the whole hall was actually looking at me that way," Harry grumbled, "Malfoy just somehow has this way of spotlighting his table."

Lily gave him a small smile for that, happy to see he really didn't just single out that house.

Ron finally handed over the paper and Harry read the headline 'Potter Disturbed and Dangerous'

Lily could already tell someone was wanting to interrupt her with a splurge of anger, but though red faced and furious herself at just the start, she forced out.

Rita Skeeter began her report by stating their Boy Who Lived could possibly be unstable.

"Gets right to the bleeding point with this one," Remus said through gritted teeth.

Evidence had begun appearing about Potter's strange behavior, casting doubts on his suitability to compete in the Triwizard Tournament,

"No one was arguing he shouldn't be in the Tournament!" Sirius blasted.

"Though for completely different reasons than this," Harry shook his head in disgust.

or even to attend Hogwarts.

"Oi!" Harry shouted indignantly at once at that one. Taking digs at him was one thing, but to say he shouldn't even be allowed at his favorite place on earth!

There were reports of him regularly collapsing at school and complaints of head pain resonating from his scar, an old relic of You-Know-Who's attempts on Harry's life.

"Someone in your Divination class really went and told about this?" Sirius barked in disgust.

"But, they're all, well I mean, not one of those kids should have a reason to," James's face was coloring with hurt for his son.

"Well someone blabbed," Lily spat.

Monday Potter had even been unable to complete one of his Divination lessons, the reporter had witnessed him storming out.

"Witnessed?" They all parroted.

"She can't mean that one, it must be an exaggerated detail," Remus said at once. "There's no way she's following you around the school, even if she was using an Invisibility Cloak, someone should have caught her, or something."

"Maybe she's just not doing it anywhere near Moody's class," James offered without hope, as Sirius immediately pointed out the very flaw he'd been thinking in that.

"It still doesn't explain some of her earlier times, like Hermione and Krum, where Moody confirmed Skeeter wasn't anywhere around. She must be using the same method to hear all of this, how many tools can she have?"

"I guess, Remus is right," Lily sounded far too regretful to be saying that in Remus' opinion, "she must have made that detail up to give credibility."

"Or hide her source," Sirius scowled, still thinking an eyewitness to this was the most likely.

Harry chose not to confirm, or deny any of this for fear of the pain it would cause, but he couldn't deny even to himself how sure he was they were wrong, Skeeter had been there...

Skeeter had even interviewed some Medics from St. Mungo's, who had offered another suggestion that the original attack may just be causing some delusions of pain.

Lily was spluttering in shock and hatred before she could even get that all out.

"How the bloody hell would anyone know that!" Remus snarled. "Dumbledore doesn't even know what's going on with Harry's scar, who are they to say what could be affecting him?"

"With any luck it's more of Skeeter making everything up to fit her story," Harry sighed to try and curb them all just a bit, he was still far more distracted with the upcoming task to really bring himself to care about whatever Skeeter said about him.

One even agreed he could be pretending all of this for attention.

James snarled in outrage for that one! Harry hadn't had any say in this article being posted, had hardly mentioned to any more than four people of this pain, who was anyone to call his son that!

Harry did feel an echo of that being said to him before though, and wondered just how popular this article became, how many people believed he'd become attention seeking? Why would they!

The Daily Prophet had found even more facts to be released to the public that Albus Dumbledore never had.

"Because it's private information!" Sirius howled in outrage, already more than sick of watching this ruin his friend's life, now his little pup was next. "Where does this woman get off putting anything about Harry's life without his say so?"

"I think the Muggles have some laws against that," Lily seethed, "and I really want to start looking into it. Normally we have spells that detect when lies are being told about someone on print, and then you have to sign something saying it's not being used for educational purposes if that happens to your work. Clearly the Daily Prophet does not endorse that, and new laws need to be put in place so they do."

"Lockhart found a way around those," Remus reminded, "if he can, I'd believe anyone can."

"I will fund that project," James vowed.

Draco Malfoy had confirmed Potter spoke Parseltongue,

"I'm honestly surprised he's waited so long to tell the press," Harry sighed. "As much as he likes to brag of his father's connections."

"Guess it didn't occur to him until this year how much fun it could be," James thought his face was going to get stuck in that scowl and he still couldn't change it.

Remus was frowning in confusion though, thinking there was no way it was a coincidence Malfoy had been spotted doing something certainly not good, and only a few days later this was coming up. What on earth had Malfoy been doing that day that connected to Skeeter now knowing this?

and there had been a lot of attacks in their second year that all seemed to revolve around Potter who was known for easily losing his temper. It was all hushed up, but this had all come from the same guy who was friends with a giant and a werewolf.

Remus felt himself flush as that really registered. It had never occurred to him what his even talking to Harry could do to him publicly. Not that Harry had ever showed he cared about that, but it certainly wasn't comforting when Remus realized he seemed to have done Harry far more harm than good his one year there, his one lone helpful bit was something that any competent teacher could have taught him after all- "ouch! Merlin's shit Sirius, that hurt!"

Sirius said nothing back, his face absolutely clear saying he'd do worse if Remus started a guilt trip for this, he didn't even tuck his wand away as Lily uneasily kept going.

The article briefly explains what Parseltongue is, and how it was known for only being done by those of Dark Arts.

Harry sighed as he remembered back to even how his family had looked at him when they'd first found out about this, and had no delusions there wasn't a person left on earth who now wouldn't consider him some freak.

"I think it's cool," his dad surprised him by saying with a sniffy voice. "No matter how he got it, I'll give him credit for something unique. People are just jealous."

"I'm so sure that's it," Sirius snickered on his other side, "in fact, you'd think Harry would get some thanks for this, he could start his own service. Any time you have a snake problem, just call Harry, he'll come over and talk the snake out of the house."

James was trying to hide his laughter in his hand, while Lily was forcing herself to keep going around these boys' antics.

A member of the Dark Force Defense League had been quoted saying how he found anyone with the ability untrustworthy and needing to be investigated.

"Investigated of what?" Harry asked in surprise.

"No clue," James rolled his eyes, "but I trust it's nothing good."

"I can't wait until the next article now," Sirius deadpanned. "She's gone from putting you in three different lights now, you think she'll switch back around to one, or try another new angle?"

"Here's hoping Hermione catches her before we have to find out," Lily huffed.

The quote continued by saying that anyone who associated with such Dark creatures as giants and werewolves would be more than likely to have a fondness for violence and this shouldn't surprise anyone.

Sirius still had his wand held threateningly in his hand, as he kept his eye on their werewolf, he'd do it again if he caught Moony thinking like that, idiot that he was.

Remus for his part was grumbling in annoyance and still rubbing his knee where the stinging hex had hit, but at least grateful he hadn't gotten a whole mouthful speech accompanied by James, yet.

Dumbledore should be considering whether a boy such as this should be allowed to compete in the Triwizard Tournament.

"If I actually get kicked out of the Tournament because of her, I think I'll thank her," Harry shook his head.

"I think I'd be just a tad annoyed," James said without a trace of meaning it. "You've come so far, may as well get your last kicks in."

"Wasn't it my suggestion Harry should act like a lunatic to get thrown out in the first place," Sirius said with an obvious look at Remus, waiting to be corrected. "Where's my thanks if that happens to be true."

It was not forthcoming as Remus was now glaring at the fire and obviously trying to ignore them, so Harry filled the awkward silence. "I'll send you a letter."

The public should be fearing Potter using his Dark Arts to even win such a prize on this very night.

"She did a really bad job of posting this so late," Lily sniffed, "if her goal was to get you booted out of the Tournament, they couldn't have pulled it off in time anyways."

"Well darn," James snapped his fingers, "next time she writes something about Harry, I'll make sure it gets forwarded."

Harry was at least laughing slightly at them all playing this off.

Harry was not impressed as he folded the paper and handed it back to Hermione.

"What an underwhelming reaction," Sirius shook his head at him. "I'm sure Ron and Hermione were disappointed, did they expect you to go off the rails when you saw that?"

Harry shrugged and laughed at the idea, wondering for a moment why he had a spot of guilt at yelling at his friends about anything?

At the Slytherin table, Malfoy and his friends were still busy making faces at him and wagging their tongues like snakes.

"I'd imagine they look stupider than they're trying to make Harry look," Lily snapped at the idiots.

Ron was scanning through the article more carefully now, asking aloud how she'd known about his Divination moment.

Harry reminded he'd opened the window, maybe she'd heard it from the grounds.

"There's no way she heard you from the top of the North Tower," Remus disagreed, finally stopping his glaring at Sirius, and probably not even going to get him back for it later.

Hermione disagreed that still shouldn't have made it possible, while Harry asked if she had any updates on this magical bugging thing she had to be doing.

Hermione's face went slack in a dreamy expression.

"Err," the boys muttered, partly in concern, and partly in confusion of what had struck Hermione with that line.

The two watched as she first ran her fingers through her hair, and then brought her hand up to her mouth and muttering into her palm.

The only thing they could work out from that was Lily's muttered, "so, did she figure out what's going on?"

"I have no idea how those two things are supposed to be put together," James huffed, wondering when the surprise would wear off Hermione seemed to know a lot more than them.

The boys exchanged a look as Hermione muttered off into space about how this would be perfect, even Moody wouldn't spot it, and she could have been at all of these places.

"How on earth did that fourteen year old tie all this in together," Sirius threw his hands up in frustration.

"Must be magic we haven't seen yet," Remus scowled in frustration, "we've already seen that at least a few times, you know it's always adapting and new spells are invented every few years. That's the only thing I can think of, Skeeter's doing something we've never heard of."

Somewhere deep inside, Harry wanted to laugh at the idea of the Marauders saying this, but aloud he agreed it was just frustrating Hermione never shared what she was thinking.

Hermione yelped about going to the library to confirm something and then darted off.

"What on earth has that library ever done to her, to possess her like this," James groaned.

"She wouldn't be Hermione if she didn't check her work," Harry shrugged.

Ron called to her retreating back they had a History of Magic exam in ten minutes! Then he turned to Harry in shock, saying how much their friend had to hate her to possibly risk missing the start of an exam.

"It's good to see Hermione's finally sorted out her priorities," Sirius smiled for that one.

Then he asked if Harry was going to spend the test reading?

"I think I just felt my heart break," James declared as he eyed his boy. "Reading, during class, what has come over you?"

"I've nothing else to do," he smirked and shrugged at the same time. "Can't even doodle with Ron since he's the one who's busy, and I got caught last time for trying to practice spells. I'd go crazy if I just had to sit there staring at the ceiling."

"Oh yes, fine," James muttered.

Harry had spent all previous exams doing this, looking up more spells to practice for his third task, and Harry agreed he was most likely going to do so this time until McGonagall approached him.

"Has that ever been a good thing?" Lily groaned.

"Not that I can recall," Remus sighed.

She told him the champions were all meeting in the adjacent chamber after breakfast.

"Why!" Harry practically screeched, wondering if he'd somehow gotten the time stamps wrong.

"Relax, I'm sure you'll ask her then," Lily soothed, not denying one bit she was biting at her lip in worry as well as their semi joke still stood.

Harry began panicking at once, saying the task wasn't going to start until tonight!

McGonagall agreed she was aware,

"She gets so crispy about things being pointed out to her," Sirius couldn't help but utter with an old smirk.

this had to do with the champion's families coming to visit, and they'd be staying to watch the final.

"Err no, actually I didn't know," Harry admitted, wondering if anyone had mentioned this before and he hadn't been paying attention.

He wasn't too surprised when no one around him looked particularly enthused at this kind of declaration, they were all thinking the same as him, it's not like Sirius was going to be there.

She left then, Harry gaping in surprise that she actually thought the Dursleys would make an appearance.

"Somewhere in there is a really good question about whether Muggles would be allowed to attend this," Remus sneered.

"My best guess is still a not," Lily snarled. The only thing she'd ever even heard of coming close to this was a mention of Moaning Myrtle's parents coming up to school, and even then they'd never gotten confirmation of whether the girl was Muggleborn and this would be a problem, and if it was if they would have met outside the school premises...and all of this had nothing to do with the fact that the Dursleys would sooner make an appearance than hug Hagrid.

Ron gave a shrug, but then had to excuse himself to go off to his test.

Harry finished his breakfast slowly as the rest of the Hall emptied as well. He watched his fellow Champions making their way to that door behind the staff table, but Harry wasn't even going to bother poking his head in. He had no family-

Lily's voice gained a terrible hitch, but she forced herself to read past that moment and pretend like it never happened. Her Hare Bare was here with her now, he had all the family he could ever want, and damn these books for saying otherwise.

at least none who would turn up to see him risk his life.

Remus was twisting the sleeve of his robes down so hard, a few loose strings were appearing, that didn't change how bad this hurt. It had only just occurred to him, but he'd never even sent Harry a concerned note about him being in the Tournament. He'd had a million opportunities since his departure, and had never once reached out to try and be any part of Harry's life. There was a better chance of the Dursley's making an appearance than him by this point.

As Harry was finally leaving, thoughts of going to the library himself to do some hex research,

"That's what I always want to do whenever I think of those Muggles," Sirius snapped.

the door opened and Cedric told Harry to hurry up, they were waiting on him.

"They?" everyone repeated in shock, their mind floundering to come up with any good explanations for who this could be, and just as equally hurt that it was so confusing anyone would show up.

Utterly perplexed, Harry changed directions. The Dursleys couldn't possibly be here, could they?

James struggled hard to get the words out, "did you want them to be?"

Harry sat there for a long time in silence, his mind suddenly back to three years old and trying to ask his Aunt Petunia why they never said they loved him like they did to Dudley all the time, and only getting the same response he ever did, 'don't ask questions.' He knew for a long time in his childhood some part of him had wanted to understand why he'd never been cared for, and then he'd gotten his answer, so he responded with clear sincerity, "sure, would finally be able to curse them and not get in trouble."

The honestly unexpected joke caused them all to crack up laughing, hard. Harry making light of this was a blow none of them could gloss over, it would never not incite murder in all of them at the mention of those useless beings, but at least the bright smile he got for making them laugh felt worth it.

Inside was Krum talking to a dark haired man who Krum held similar features with, and a woman, all three speaking Bulgarian. Fleur was off to one side jabbering in French with a beautiful woman who had to be her mother, and Gabrielle.

Sirius opened, then closed his mouth. Remarkably thought about it for a moment, then decided screw it and really did ask, "How exactly is she part veela? I mean, I've never even heard of how Veela reproduce, they're an all female species, so are they asexual unless they sleep with a wizard or?" He watched the others dumbfounded faces for a moment, before cracking a smile and saying, "what, don't tell me you haven't been wondering the same thing. Now I'm realizing, with her dad not being there, well-"

"Please stop," Lily practically begged. "One, it's none of your business Sirius, and two, we've no idea."

She actually paused like she expected, almost hopefully, someone to correct her, because she wasn't pretending to deny it was a good question.

Remus thought about it for a moment, stating, "The only facts I can offer is if you take a hair from a veela's head, they're said to die, but I somehow don't see Fleur speaking of her grandmother like that if she'd been killed, so most likely the veela pulled it out herself as a gift."

"That was not helpful, about anything," James pointed out.

Mrs. Weasley and Bill were standing in front of the fireplace, beaming at him.

Lily felt her voice tying off, equal amounts of annoyance and even hurt rearing up at Molly making an appearance for her baby after all the embarrassment and even idiotic ways she'd acted towards both him and Hermione this year, all while also just a warm flood of gratitude there was still someone out there looking out for Harry.

Her reaction was subtle to Harry's, who flushed in shock and began stammering something even he wasn't quite sure of. An apology to those around him, gratitude being the most dominant thing to him for even though he'd never said it aloud, throughout his years he'd pictured the Weasley's the closest thing he'd ever have to a family, he'd never realized they'd felt the same!

"How would they even have known to come?" James's voice sounded odd, but he genuinely seemed to be trying more for curiosity than what he knew his wife was feeling. "I mean, if the notice they could appear at the final task went out to families?"

"Maybe Dumbledore personally sent it?" Sirius tried, "I've no doubt he knows Harry spends the majority of his time at the Weasley's over the holidays, so kind of as a courtesy thing?"

"All that tells me," Remus was trying hard not to frown, "was that Dumbledore must have a good idea of Harry's feelings for the Dursleys though." His voice came out too sharp, he was still more frustrated with himself for being right about not being there than anything.

They all felt a lot of different things about this moment, but one look at Harry and suddenly they were almost at peace with it as well. This had to be the first time they'd seen that kind of smile on his face this whole time, the only moment that had come close was when his real relation to Sirius had been revealed, and that had been pretty muted compared to the following events. So Lily bit off the head of how she was really feeling about this, put it away in a corner for later, and managed to keep going with a true smile.

Mrs. Weasley shouted surprise at him.

"Understatement," Sirius muttered.

She gave him a kiss on the cheek as she explained they'd come to watch, while Bill asked how he was doing?

"Eh," James sighed, waving his hand vaguely, though Harry thought that was more to do with his actual answer than answering for Harry.

Charlie had told them all about that Horntail and how incredible he was.

"Charlie's the lucky one," Remus muttered under his breath, thinking so far no task had really gone well enough for any spectators to exactly be 'enjoying' these events, but that was probably just his personal opinion. He could only imagine picturing this through someone other than Harry, and it could sound like a bit more fun.

Fleur was eyeing Bill with great interest over her mother's shoulder.

Harry tried very hard to forcefully smother laughter for no real reason he could tell.

She clearly had no objection to long hair or earrings with fangs on them.

"A lot of girls don't," Sirius' grin flipped to saucy at once, "I considered getting one myself, though of course now I'd just be accused of doing it because of Bill."

"Yes Sirius," James said back deadpan, "every woman you meet will think the kid who's more like my babies age absolutely pulled this look first."

Sirius' smile actually brightened all the more.

Harry was thanking them both, muttering his surprise that for an actual moment he'd thought the Dursleys-

Mrs. Weasley cut him off by pursing her lips tight. She'd never said anything about them to Harry, but he always saw her eyes flash when they were mentioned.

"Remind me, how did she take the news of starving and bars?" Lily muttered, but there was no real ill will in there. She knew now like she had then she didn't blame Molly for this in the first place, Harry refused to say much of anything on them really, so Molly had slowly been drawing her own conclusions after that event. If it was even a portion of what she'd conjured up in believing Skeeter's stories about Harry and Hermione, Molly was still only hitting the tip of the iceberg when it came to the Dursleys.

Bill didn't seem to notice, as he began talking about how great it was to be back at the castle, he hadn't been here for five years.

"Wow so he's actually, eleven, now. Give or take a birthday, it's really hard to picture." Sirius said mostly to himself.

"I'm sure a lot of this'll be hard to picture if we ever get out of here," Remus rolled his eyes as just a few instances came to mind.

He asked about the Fat Lady still being Gryffindor's portrait, and Mrs. Weasley said she'd even been here in her time.

"I was under the impression she's always been the Gryffindor portrait," James agreed.

She used to give such telling offs when her and Arthur returned late-

Bill cut his mother off in surprise, asking what she was doing out of bed after hours?

"Well why'd he go cutting her off for!" Sirius yelped in protest. "That could have been some amazing fodder to use against his mother, especially if he passed it along to the twins next time she went off on them!"

"I don't even blame Bill," James shook his head, "remember when my dad tried to tell us about that time he turned McGonagall into a Pekingese. The idea just messed with my mind so much, I didn't want the material."

Sirius nodded in agreement.

Mrs. Weasley just grinned at her eldest, admitting she'd had a few late nights with her husband.

"I can't believe she's answering," Remus already looked traumatized, he got enough stories from Sirius that started like that to predict results.

"She is talking to her kids," Lily's cheeks were starting to tinge a little pink, and Harry no more wanted to know what she was thinking than whatever Mrs. Weasley was going to supply, "I'm sure it won't be explicit."

Arthur had been caught out, and he still had the marks Pringle had given him, that was the caretaker in their day.

"The bloody hell did Pringle do?" Sirius yelped in concern, it was really something when someone made Filch look like a kindness.

"I'm guessing rules were a bit more lax then," James said with honest pity. Arthur seemed like such a nice guy, he didn't want to imagine what had been done.

Bill changed topics by asking Harry for a tour, which he readily agreed to. They passed Amos Diggory and his wife on the way out, Amos stopping Harry.

"Oh not this again," Remus groaned.

"Harry's been neck and neck with him every step of the way," James's smile wasn't at all pleasant, "so he can't even say anything to you this time."

"I'm sure he'll still try to come up with something," Sirius rolled his eyes.

Asking if Harry felt as full of himself now that Cedric and him were tied?

"When's Harry ever been full of himself?" Lily snapped of no one. "If anything, he's the opposite."

Harry chose not to answer, half proving Lily's point.

Harry asked what he meant, and Cedric told him to ignore his father.

"I've been trying," Sirius scowled, "yet somehow I've had to hear him anyways."

"It's much more effective in person when you can either plug your ears or Silencio them," James agreed.

Explaining that he'd been sore about this since that first article when Skeeter had made it seem Harry was the only Hogwarts champion.

That did admittedly put them stumped for a moment, it was a valid point on Amos' part and would have infuriated anybody, but that still wasn't any reason to take it out on Harry!

Amos was being his usual boastful self as he slapped his son on the back, praising him for being so humble he hadn't corrected the papers, and how he had no doubts Cedric would win this thing! He'd beaten Harry once before.

Mrs. Weasley snapped at him that Skeeter was known for causing trouble,

"Well that was rich," Lily sniffed.

"Yet true," Harry also defended uneasily before he stopped to consider. Harry wasn't even sure why he should feel bad about correcting his Mum regarding Mrs. Weasley, but in any case, the only reaction Lily gave was a soft hum before she kept going.

and he should know better.

Mr. Diggory looked as though he was going to say something angry,

Harry looked ready to say something nasty right back, he knew he would not take kindly to anyone saying a bad word about Mrs. Weasley after what she'd done for him today!

but his wife laid a hand on his arm, and he instead turned away.

Then Harry realized that all thought of mothers was slowly starting to be erased from his mind, and instead a thick black pain was starting to trace every inch inside him. Something so bad he didn't even want to consider what it could mean, but it involved the Diggory's...

Harry had a fun filled morning as he strolled the grounds with the Weasley's, who greatly admired the carriage and ship. Mrs. Weasley was personally fascinated by the Whomping Willow

"Should have been torn up long before now," Remus muttered to himself.

and regaled them about the old gamekeeper Ogg.

"Well that's actually fascinating," Sirius said honestly, though it was hard to picture the grounds without the Willow.

"He's most likely the one who trained Hagrid," James agreed, "so I'd kind of like to hear about him just for that."

Harry asked how Percy was doing.

"Harry!" Sirius groaned, "we said we wanted to hear about old gamekeepers, what are you doing changing the subject?"

"I can tell you a few things Mrs. Weasley told me later about Ogg," Harry chuckled at their grumbling even while Lily ignored them.

Bill's first response was to say, not well.

That did catch their attention though. They may not like Percy much, but they didn't want to hear about anything bad happening to him.

He was in trouble at work for not realizing sooner something must be up with Crouch, and should have reported the instructions he'd been receiving and was now being questioned about it all.

"Uh oh," Remus muttered.

"Actually I'm really not sure what to think of that," Sirius ran his hand through his hair in thought. "Crouch was acting like a loon, I honestly think that had to be a progression over time, but really we haven't given this much thought. He's been acting odd for months now, but Percy was insisting he was just hunky dory."

"I think we can put that down to faulty information on Percy's part," James frowned, "for all we know, Crouch really has been acting worse and worse, but Percy was pretending otherwise."

They still had a lot more questions about what was really going on with Crouch, but studying Percy would help no one.

Percy was under a lot of stress and not being allowed to continue Crouch's job, not even as judge tonight.

"So who's going to?" Remus began to ask almost exactly as Lily finished.

Fudge would be instead.

"See, this is what your questions get you," Sirius laughed at Remus' eye roll.

No one yet noticed Harry starting to lose a drop of color at every word spoken closer to the start of this task, now with Fudge there... he was really starting to look terrible.

They went back inside for lunch, where they were joined by the rest of the Weasleys and Hermione. Mrs. Weasley asked Ron how his exam had gone, and he admitted he'd made up about half of it, but all the names were something like Urg the Unclean.

"I am fairly confident that's an actual name," Lily giggled.

"Boys quite brave himself to be admitting this to his mum," Remus agreed.

Halfway through the meal Harry remembered Hermione's sudden Skeeter inspiration,

"I haven't forgotten," Lily murmured eagerly, she'd love Hermione to say this in front of Molly in particular, if just a slight payback for that Easter egg.

but before he could ask Hermione shook her head and looked pointedly at Molly.

"Why wouldn't you tell in front of her?" Sirius pouted at once, they'd waited in suspension long enough for this treat, they wanted Skeeter to fall already, and if they knew anything about Hermione by now, they were sure she was at least onto something!

Harry seemed to have drawn Mrs. Weasley's attention onto Hermione though, and Molly greeted her very stiffly.

They all gave a grumpy little huff for that, how could she stand up to Diggory one moment and then be like this the next?

Hermione gave a friendly enough smile back, which was not returned.

Harry at once told her that Skeeter's story had been ridiculous, Hermione was not and had never been his girlfriend.

Sirius actually began applauding Harry, stating, "Look who can take a hint?"

Harry smacked his hands to get him to stop, but then Remus just kept going with that same smirk in place. "Well he's right, it's really saying something of you for stepping up and saying that, I can think of others who wouldn't have picked up on it."

Harry wasn't sure if he meant his own friends or Ron, but Harry still wanted to ignore the look he was getting so was more than grateful when Lily kept going hopefully.

Mrs. Weasley at once said she'd known that, but from then on she treated Hermione perfectly normal and polite.

No one could deny they were pleased, but it was still rather grating all the same as she hadn't even apologized.

Up at the staff table, all the judges seemed to be having a good enough time, except Fudge who was sitting right next to Maxime.

"Can't pretend to be disappointed," James curled his lip, thinking Fudge deserved it, the arrogant prick.

Maxime was concentrating on her plate, and Harry thought her eyes looked red.

"Should I be worried?" Remus said, and he actually did look it.

"Nah," Sirius tried to wave him off, "I'm sure she's had another lovers spat with Hagrid, and hopefully the big guy won again and he'll be along to dinner shortly." Even he didn't sound as confident as he wanted to, no one really wanted to think about Fudge actually trying to do something against Maxime for the wrong reasons.

Hagrid kept glancing along the table at her.

Sirius would have looked far more superior about being right if he wasn't just as relieved as everyone else.

There were more courses than usual but Harry, who was starting to feel really nervous now, didn't eat much.

"You'd think they'd take a hint," James muttered, thinking back to this time before the stupid tournament had even started and their own comments about how a feast should be held when there was a winner, not stress for all involved.

When the ceiling above finally began ebbing into dusk, Dumbledore rose to his feet, and silence fell at once.

Lily had to swallow very hard around a dry throat and even took a sip of water before she could force herself to continue, her only advantage being that finally this was the last one.

Harry had gone exceptionally quiet, only marginally playing along with the boys like usual, and the longer this carried on and the more sickly he kept looking, the harder it was to convince themselves that this should be an easy task.

He announced the third task would be starting in five minutes, and asked the contestants to go down now with Bagman.

Harry was wished luck on all sides as he joined the others, Bagman catching up to him at once and asking how he was feeling?

"Least this'll be the last time he asks you that," James muttered to himself.

Harry told he was alright, and for once it was the truth. He kept running down the list in his mind of all the spells he'd learned for this, and pleased he remembered every one.

"This has got to be worse than any pre-exam jitters," Remus agreed, though just as impressed that Harry had learned a lot in a short amount of time, all the more proof of what Harry's specialty in magic was in these spells.

Their Quidditch field was now completely unrecognizable, the twenty-foot-high hedge ran all the way around the edge of it.

James and Sirius gave an involuntary flinch at just the idea, wanting to sit and berate this stupid school for hours for using this stupid tournament anywhere near their field! They'd already been denied Quidditch this year, this felt like adding insult to injury! They both kept themselves at bay though because they kept hopping Harry would instead, no matter how obvious it was he was only half paying attention at best.

The stands began filling almost the moment the five were huddled around the entrance, and were also joined by Hagrid, Moody,

Harry felt himself shiver straight down to his bones as too many things tried to align themselves at once. Moody, Diggory's, Fudge, and that maze...

McGonagall, and Flitwick who were all wearing vests with bright red stars on them. McGonagall explained they would be patrolling the outskirts of the maze, and if at any time they wished to leave it they were to send up red sparks.

"That probably falls under automatic disqualification from the Cup though," Remus was clearly saying to himself, "so I cannot imagine anyone doing it."

Harry was wiping some sweat that was starting to appear, trying to get his mind to flip to any good thought, but all he could land on was when Hagrid had first taught him to do this his first time in the Forbidden Forest, and that was only making his feelings worse.

Bagman announced it was time to go, and added the Sonorous charm to his throat so that all could hear.

James muttered something inarticulate about better times at the World Cup, he'd much rather hear that all over again than this crappy version of a Cup.

He spoke grandly to the stands about how the final event of this Triwizard Tournament was coming to a close! Then he listed off the order the champions stood in.

Sirius really wanted to make a pompous remark about his proud school double beating out the others, but it would never erase the annoyance of Harry having to be in this at all.

The cheers and applause sent birds from the Forbidden Forest fluttering into the darkening sky.

"Congratulations," Remus snorted in surprise.

"Why are they holding this at dusk anyways?" James rolled his eyes at the idea, "there's a reason the other events were all held in the middle of the day."

"I suppose they would have put the same charm on the stands as they did during the lake event," Sirius shrugged, "but my best guess is that some of the things they did to the maze may have been time activated, or maybe some of the beasts Hagrid offered are nocturnal."

"Sirius I will make you read this if you don't stop putting ideas in my head," Lily threatened, causing Sirius to zip his mouth shut at once.

Bagman finally announced that on his whistle, Harry and Cedric would be allowed to enter. After a short countdown, the shrill noise rang, and the two were inside the maze.

Lily took another deep breath just as Harry exhaled his own, though both were at complete opposite mindsets by this point. Lily was almost happy to finally be doing this, the problem was nearly over, where Harry was fighting back the urge to scream the worst hadn't even begun.

The hedges were so high they seemed to block the rest of the world out, and either because of thickness or magic, no sound from the crowds came through.

"The second," they all muttered, still eyeing Harry with growing concern, but Remus still tried to keep a casual conversation as he said, "wouldn't want someone shouting and giving directions after all."

Harry vaguely acknowledged him with a hum.

Harry and Cedric were on even until they reached a split, where Harry went left, and Cedric right. Not long after, a second and then third whistle was heard, and all champions were in the maze.

The boys were really starting to get twitchy with nerves, all of them shifting around or fidgeting with whatnot. Harry had this air about him like they should be expecting an attack any second, and wasn't even trying to downplay it for once.

Harry kept looking behind him. The old feeling that he was being watched was upon him.

"I'm sure everyone in the maze feels like that," Sirius muttered.

Harry knew what he meant, but still the idea lingered, thinking he was being watched, but just by one, or maybe just one eye...

When Harry hit his next crossroads, he used his Point Me spell. As his goal was northwest, the wand turned compass pointing him north was the best way to find himself.

"That's brilliant," James's eyes lit, "you remember the direction you headed for when you first met Bagman on the field."

"It was the same time of day too, so that really was an advantage they gave you all," Sirius agreed.

Harry was having a hard time concentrating on a single word they were saying, his hand wrapped securely around his wand and very sure he never wanted to reach the center of this maze.

He took the turn that would lead him in that direction, and made several more without running into anything. He was starting to feel uneasy, thinking he should have hit an obstacle by now.

"I agree," Lily nodded, her fingers turning white she was clutching the book so hard for anything to jump out any second.

"I think it's another tactic," Remus muttered, "lull him into a false sense of security for the first half."

Harry had no idea why he wanted to correct Remus about that, instead something in him was convinced his own path was being altered and helped along, but of course no one would be doing that...

He should have found something by now, but perhaps this was a trap for a false sense of security.

"Hey look, Harry agrees with you," Sirius smirked.

Then he heard movement right behind him.

They all tensed at once with that, a crup appearing right now would have had them all freaking out.

He held out his wand, ready to attack, but its beam fell only upon Cedric,

"Gah," Sirius gasped, massaging roughly at his chest to keep his heart beat in rhythm. "I swear I'm going to kill that kid, he's been driving me cr-"

Harry cried out so loud that Sirius leapt away in shock while James accidentally shot a curse into the wall that caused it to sprout a white fur pelt. Harry noticed nothing as his hands curled into fists pressed against his pounding forehead.

"Merlin pup, I was kidding," Sirius tried to pacify while everyone was left a shaking mess, Harry still not registering a thing as he sat there staring at nothing and panting with exertion.

"Deep breath Harry," James soothed, ruffling up his hair and casting his mind around for any form of distraction. "If I knew Sirius' stupid humor was going to do this to you, I'd have turned him into a terrier already."

"That's insulting," Sirius pouted at him, "I'm a deerhound and proud of it."

"Is that what you tried to transfigure the wall into?" Remus asked curiously as he waved his own to put the pattern back.

"I still have small dogs on the brain," James admitted.

Harry actually managed a laugh for them, something about the thought of a terrier really did put him back in a good mood, but it didn't erase the haunted look behind his eyes.

Lily tried a different tactic, "I'm sure you're just worried about Cedric, perhaps something from your own time like you were with Ginny. Nothing's going to happen to Cedric now." Even to her own ears the words came out flat, it was so incredibly hard to downplay how much pain her baby was clearly in, how odd he'd been acting since he'd even first heard Cedric's name, but the thought of her fourteen year old actually knowing someone who had died during this tournament was nearly unbearable. He was just too young for that to be happening to him on top of everything else he'd been through. Still, he seemed to have marshaled himself, so whatever was fixing to happen she still kept the knowledge alive her baby was fine while she forced herself to keep going.

He came tumbling out of an adjacent path, and his sleeve was smoking.

"Sounds like he's having a blast," Sirius muttered to himself as he sunk back into his seat, trying to keep that one from Harry's ears so he didn't cause any more problems with the mention of this one.

He caught sight of Harry and quickly explained it had been a Skrewt and how enormous it was,

James opened then closed his mouth, a snappy little joke about how he wanted to kill Hagrid for putting those bleeding things into this on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't want to imagine what Harry's reaction could be next.

and just as quickly ran off.

Harry stepped up his pace a bit, he had no desire to run into that. Instead he turned down the opposite way Cedric had gone, and ran into a dementor.

Lily moaned under her breath, her hands beginning to shake as the fear of Harry having to relive that memory returned even if he could summon a patronus to get rid of them, the screaming that would start in his ears would always be an echo of the worst.

Reacting on instinct, Harry quickly summoned up the idea of himself celebrating with Ron and Hermione once this was all over to summon the spell Expecto Patronum.

Remus hummed softly to himself, he always enjoyed knowing what other people's memories were when they conjured that spell, and Remus was more than happy if this became a recurring one for Harry. They were familiar and a common presence in his life, while also always managing to create new and happy memories for Harry, a great bonus as using the same memory over and over had been known to start lacking in use after a time, as if repetitive dementors feeding on the one memory could actually deteriorate an older idea. He was so lost in his own thought he hardly paid attention as Lily went on, absolutely confident in Harry's ability to conquer this.

The silver stag appeared, stampeding down the hooded figure, which began to stumble back.

"Do what?" Sirius yelped in surprise.

"Um," Remus had to blink a moment in surprise to spin his brain back and catch up with what he'd only half herd. "Oh, yes, it must be a boggart then, that's the reaction it would have with a proper patronus on it, simply hovering and considering another attack."

Harry recognized that dementors never did such a thing, and realized this must be a boggart, so instead switched spells to Riddikulus.

It vanished with a loud crack and only a vapor of smoke left.

"Must have been a really weak boggart," James raised a brow at this. "You didn't even have to smirk at it, it simply vanished with the spell."

Harry nodded without answer, that feeling still lingering heavily in his chest about how this was too easy, how he was getting help, and still that extra layer that wouldn't leave him of something concerning Cedric.

The silver stag was already fading, but Harry wished it would stay, he'd have liked the company.

"Why didn't you just cast the spell again then?" Lily offered, "It will linger as long as you keep your happy thought in mind with purpose."

"Never practiced that," Harry said distantly, taking a deep rattling breath as that too seemed to hold some meaning to him, and he was truly going to be sick soon if the feeling didn't fade.

He kept pressing on, often running into dead ends and still going many directions without running into anything but always trying to go as north as possible, until finally he came across some golden mist.

Lily could practically feel her mind flipping through an old fifth year text as she blurted, "It's a good thing you don't have anything in your pockets, that sounds like Limbo Caligo, or Limbo Mist. Easy enough to get through even if you don't know the counter charm, Gravi."

"And how do you do that?" Sirius asked for Harry since he clearly wasn't going to do so himself, he was still too distracted, but even hearing them talk seemed to be keeping his eyes at least darting to each person as they spoke. Plus, not that he'd admit it, but Sirius honestly forgot.

"Determination," Lily smiled sweetly at her son, "you just have to be brave enough to realize this isn't magic that actually turns off gravity." She didn't need to even think if Harry would figure out this second option, any boy who jumped on the back of a mountain troll would certainly gamble the odds that was how this spell could be defeated.

"What about his glasses?" James asked in concern, pushing his own slightly up the bridge of his nose only for them to fall right back down.

Lily did acknowledge that could be a problem if he didn't react quick enough, but thankfully once the spell wore off they'd just fall right back beside him, hopefully undamaged, or at least he knew how to repair them now.

Harry went towards it cautiously, his first thought to put a spell through it to blast it away.

"Honestly, I'd try that first too," James chuckled.

He chose Reducto, but it merely glided through the twinkling haze without disruption.

"Still never hurts to try," Remus shrugged.

Harry tried to consider what would happen if he went through, or if he should double back.

Then he heard the scream.

Harry gave yet another horrible shiver for what that could mean, it was happening so often they were all starting to wonder if Harry was going to fall into an involuntary fit even if he was clearly trying his hardest not to touch his memories. This scream though wasn't the one Harry was fearing this night, and though he twisted in concern for Fleur, she wasn't the one in danger...

Harry called for Fleur, but received no answer. Taking a deep breath, he knew which direction he had to go through, and so began charging the enchantment.

Lily smiled and wanted to smack her son all at the same time. Even if she did know what this Charm was, she hated the idea of him just charging into anything, but also couldn't be more proud her's was a boy that never hesitated to help a person in need.

He hadn't made it halfway across when the world seemed to flip upside down, his shoes now rooted to the grass as he seemed to dangle out into oblivion, his reflexes the only thing saving his glasses from toppling into the stars.

"There's those Quidditch reflexes," James smiled, which vanished at once as Harry still wasn't focusing on anything in this room.

He could feel the blood pumping into his head, thinking that if he tried to move he'd fall off the earth forever.

Remus shivered in disgust, now vaguely remembering learning about this spell himself, but he'd thought about it in the classroom, where it sounded sort of funny to be dangling from the ceiling like this. Harry made it sound terrifying.

He tried to think of some way out of this, but the blood rush was hard to work through, did he dare move his foot?

"I'd really like to think Harry would realize they wouldn't actually put a spell in there that would kill you like that," Sirius sighed, "but now that I know those Skrewts are in there, I don't blame Harry."

He could still send up the sparks, surely someone would see them right side up and get him off this flipside earth.

Harry muttered something under his breath how he was wishing he'd picked that option, but it was at least some form of his communicating again.

He still felt that scream echoing in his head, and so taking one long deep breath, he wrenched his foot free.

Lily's smile widened, she really was just so impressed at her Hare Bare committing to something like that when less brave people would have coped out already. It helped she knew the end results and he'd be fine.

The world flipped right side up again, the moon and stars above having their ever friendly glow while the golden mist twinkled innocently behind him as he ran off.

"The most dangerous things are often the cute looking ones," Sirius grumbled in agreement, thankful Harry hadn't run across any sweet smelling plants from those greenhouses yet.

It was at the next junction he hesitated again, wondering why he'd never seen any sparks after Fleur's scream. Had she fought off whatever had caused it, or was so injured she couldn't reach her wand?

"Oh I'm sure it's not that bad," James twitched in unease.

Even as he kept through the shrubbery, in the very small back of his mind, he heard himself think 'one down.'

That caught Harry's attention full force, as he looked shameful and tried to utter an apology.

"Nah," Sirius waved him off, "I'm confident she's just fine, I'd be celebrating too."

Harry felt warmed and slightly more in control that his first instinct was finally to agree with that good news.

The cup had to be close by now, and for the first time since he'd heard about all of this, that image again appeared before his eyes. Rising from here in victory in front of the rest of the school...

Then Harry choked and instantly lost whatever small bit of color he'd gained, and no one could deny any more how confused and terrified they were at all of this. What the bloody hell happened in this maze that was affecting him so bad? Lily didn't want to keep going, it was clearly going to be traumatic for him to relearn, but then she comforted herself at least she was here now to help him through it, he was going to be fine, she had the proof in front of her.

Another long stretch of time passed again before he found his next run in, a Blast-Ended Skrewt.

"Oh joy." Remus meant to say that with sarcasm, anything that sent Cedric running like that couldn't be anything actually good, but he'd never deny his thirst for more knowledge about beasts, especially a new one like this. It was clearly bigger than the last time Harry had seen it, which meant more to hear about.

Cedric had not been exaggerating, it was enormous. Ten feet long, it now resembled a headless scorpion with a curled tail over its back.

"That is the scariest pink thing I have ever imagined," Sirius nodded to himself.

He at once shouted Stupefy!

"Stunners starting too nice," James frowned at the idea of anything that size approaching Harry.

It rebounded off the carapace and Harry only just ducked in time, but could still smell burning hair.

"Bloody hell, Hagrid really knows how to create some monsters," Remus' eyes widened even further.

"Maybe it has the same kind of weaknesses as acromantulas, and it's best to hit them on their underbellies," Sirius offered.

"Let's see if Harry thinks of that," Lily said with hope.

It had singed the top of his head.

"So fire can come out of both ends?" Remus sighed.

"Unless it tried farting in Harry's face," Sirius agreed.

"Nope, it fireballed me," Harry told, making all of them actually smile. It wasn't a happy image, but any normal response from him would be appreciated.

A jet of fire came out of the other end, surging it even faster towards him, and Harry kept trying to shoot off the Impedimenta.

"Well now you're panicking," James groaned, "using the same spell twice."

"Saying it louder hasn't ever made it better," Lily agreed, bite marks starting to appear on her lip from how often she was going at it.

The skrewt was practically on top of him when the spell finally landed a hit on its underbelly. Harry began edging backwards, then turned tail and ran as fast as he could, knowing that wouldn't last long.

"That is true," Sirius agreed, "but major credit to you, you've learned a very important lesson about a lot of creatures. Their weakness is usually their belly."

"I'll keep that in mind," Harry promised, wiping more sweat from his temple at another sharp stab telling him this would come back to him sooner than he'd think.

Harry lost track of his way a bit and had to carefully back track to be heading north again, when he heard another scream, this time much closer by as Cedric demanded what was going on.

Krum's voice rent the air as he yelled Crucio!

"K-Krum!" James yipped, entirely sure he'd heard wrong.

"I, wow he-" even Sirius looked stunned at this turn of events, his suspicions of Krum's headmaster really hadn't even lead him to believe the guy would use an Unforgivable Curse!

Harry was frowning so much deep lines were starting to appear in his face. Now he knew there was something off going on, something just plain wrong with this scene, and it wasn't the curse being used, but something to do with the real person giving it.

A horrible yell tore at the night from just one hedge over, but Harry kept sprinting up and down and couldn't find a way through! Finally he used the Reductor Curse, which only caused a very small hole to appear, but after much forcing his way through, he broke into the new path.

James was temporarily surprised to realize Harry hadn't just been doing this all along, he could have been blasting his way right to the center of the maze like that. Now wasn't really the time to be thinking about that though.

What he saw was Cedric, twitching on the ground, with Krum standing over him.

Lily's voice was quivering over every word now, after recently learning what would happen to Frank and Alice, that spell took on a whole new level of horrifying to her, something she hadn't previously thought possible.

Harry at once tried to put a spell on Krum, but the moment he caught sight of Harry, he tried to run.

"Run?" Sirius demanded brutally. "How do you curse someone like that one second and run the next, you'd think he'd just turn on Harry."

"Isn't everyone in the crowd watching this?" Remus reminded, "He should be disqualified immediately already. Merlin, someone could set a case for him being sent to Azkaban for using this, all for a bleeding Cup."

James was as blasted as the others at this turn of events, they'd really had nothing to see this coming, but even still he pointed out, "well it's good to know Krum really is a scumbag in on whatever plans been going around Harry this year, but I don't buy it Krum's behind everything, so let's let Lily stay on track."

Harry was saved yet another wave of pain from what he was sure was an inaccurate statement from his dad by at least being comforted by the end and agreeing.

Harry shot Stupefy

"That was a kindness," Sirius said darkly, but he supposed he'd be even more shocked if Harry had used anything else. He'd proved time and again he was too good a person to be throwing curses around, even to someone's back after they'd just used the worst kind.

which hit Krum in the small of his back. He face planted the grass while Harry ran to Cedric and asked how he was.

Harry made a soft whimpering noise he didn't even seem aware of, his body's way of trying to warn him he wouldn't have long to wonder just how bad that spell could hurt.

Cedric agreed he was fine while he uneasily got to his feet. Harry asked if he'd heard Fleur scream earlier as well, and Cedric thought Krum was responsible for her as well.

"I'm sure it was something else," Remus said instantly, "and she's still in the game." None of them wanted to consider otherwise, even Krum wouldn't Crucio someone into submission and leave them to die...right? Had they, and Hermione, and everyone been fooled so well?

Then Cedric suggested they should just leave him here and press on, but Harry corrected he was going to put red sparks above Krum, lest a skrewt eat him.

"There are worse fates," Sirius sneered even if he knew he wouldn't have disagreed with Harry.

Cedric muttered how he'd deserve it,

Sirius gave a soft laugh, he hadn't expected to be mimicking someone he'd been threatening so much lately, but still a bit pompous his point had been repeated.

but did indeed raise his own wand and put the sparks up. Then he turned to Harry and suggested they keep moving.

Harry was surprised for a moment, their having come together against Krum had temporarily distracted him they were opponents.

"Um, wow, yeah." James had to blink a few times to realize he needed to move past this moment no matter how badly it left a taste in his mouth. "Congratulations, Hogwarts won."

"That's all we wanted in the beginning," Lily sighed, wondering where all that good mood had gone, and how long it would take to come back.

The two went off together again, but split at the next fork. Harry traced his way through now very distracted, trying to understand why Krum would risk a sentence in Azkaban just for this tournament.

"I wouldn't have believed so," Remus agreed, wondering if Harry just wasn't putting together what they were thinking, Krum had been a part of the idea from the beginning of putting Harry into this task to hurt him...but then why hadn't he turned on Harry in that moment? Why had he in fact done the opposite?

He almost ran smack into a sphinx.

"Oh boy," James sighed.

"I never had the patience for these things and their riddles," Sirius agreed.

Remus hushed the other two, undeniable excitement lighting him as he got to hear about one of these in a new way, hear one of their riddles in as close to in person as he'd ever get.

It mostly resembled a lion in body, but with the head of a woman. The whole thing combined was eerily pretty.

Harry hesitated to raise his wand, as she was not crouching to spring,

"She won't do that until you get it wrong," Sirius muttered for Harry, who had gone back to only half listening again, Krum weighing back on his mind just like Cedric, and whatever was coming at the end of this.

but instead blocking his path.

She spoke to him in a throaty voice of how close to his goal he was, and Harry politely asked her to move.

Lily couldn't stop a surprised giggle busting out, quickly followed by all but Harry, who snapped back to here with a roll of his eyes. It had been worth a shot.

She instead explained how this would go. He could hear her riddle, and if guessed right, he could pass. If wrong, she would attack. If he gave no answer, she would let him leave without question.

"I wonder if someone like Dumbledore made a deal with this sphinx like he had the mermen," Remus mused. "In the wild, they're much less known for forewarning you like this, they simply see you, spring the riddle, and if you don't guess right they pounce."

"I can imagine that," Lily agreed happily, "so when she says she's going to attack you, she's most likely just going to chase until you send up the sparks."

Aside from that dragon, this Tournament really hadn't been as bad as they'd all been fearing. In fact it was the stuff outside of it which had really been the worst, could that be what was bothering Harry? Not the maze itself, but whatever happened after he got out? It wasn't exactly encouraging, but Harry was watching his mother with some delight again as she finished, "well never the less, I am hoping Harry at least hears the riddle, I love figuring those out."

Harry felt his stomach twist in concern, it was Hermione who was good at this type of thing.

"Sadly this isn't a buddy challenge," James gave a small smile, his mind going back to Harry's first year, and Hermione solving Snape's riddle. He hoped Harry had at least picked up some tips from her in the meantime.

Harry decided he wanted to hear the riddle, with the option in mind he could leave if he wanted to.

The sphinx took a seat and recited:

Insert sphinx riddle

Lily was actually smiling by the end, much to everyone's annoyance.

"I will never understand how you enjoy riddles and poems," Remus shook his head at her. "Sometimes the answers are so contrived."

Lily ignored him as she reread the riddle again to herself, then out loud, shushing whoever tried to speak up as she turned it all out, before speaking aloud, "well the first part's a bit hard to find an exact match, it seems broad but doable if you find at least one other part. The second is one I've seen hidden in other riddles, the letter d. The last bit is facing the same problem as the first, you need some kind of information to string them all together for the final answer. I'm wondering if it might rhyme with kiss, but no, the riddle feels complete by rhyming with this. Hum, so perhaps building from there, err something you wouldn't want to kiss with a d in it regarding a liar as well as a noise, no wait, err, person could be an actual-"

"Lily," James finally begged. "You know I love you, and honestly I'd love nothing more than to sit here and watch you puzzle this out, but don't you want to see how Harry does?" James had honestly meant it, he'd been sitting there with an old fond expression his friends had seen more times than they could count in school as he'd watched the love of his life go through all this in her own way. He had no doubts she would get there in the end, but Harry was starting to look sickly again at watching her even as he was smiling along.

Lily sighed, but gave in with minimal dispute.

Harry asked for it again more slowly, and his first response to something he didn't want to kiss was a Blast-Ended Skrewt.

Remus snorted with laughter even as Sirius got over his cackling and agreed, "Hey, it even fits the answer, the middle of middle and end of end, both could link into the name of that thing."

"I don't think so," Lily said critically, not at all laughing as she was still hovering over what this could be even as she read. "I don't see that being the answer."

James kept laughing all the harder for her taking this so seriously, but quietly enough she was ignoring him.

Still, he didn't feel that was actually the answer, so he began working out the clues, first thinking aloud how a person in disguise could be a liar, like an imposter, then quickly shouted at the sphinx that wasn't his guess!

"Yeah, it's probably safe to keep that clarified," Remus agreed.

Offering a few more options as well as a spy.

Lily hummed at the idea with approval, though wasn't entirely sure herself, and was glad Harry was tackling another one instead.

He had not a guess for what the second part could mean, and erred to himself aloud what the last thing of mend was.

Lily's mind finally gave a click as she uttered that noise aloud, putting all three pieces together, and suddenly beaming as she kept going, sounding happier right now than she had during any combined Tournament moments.

Then he asked for the last line.

"That second one really is easier to figure out if you're looking at the actual words instead of just saying them," Remus agreed over Lily's actually happy reading. They were all watching her with amusement now, as they realized she'd gotten it, but didn't bother asking her to share, if she was going to she would have.

Harry kept saying err aloud as he tried to figure out a sound he'd make for a hard to find word, then realized the exact noise he was making, err was a sound!

"You certainly say it enough," Sirius quipped.

Harry stuck his tongue out at him.

He tried tying his first and last clue together, muttering about a spy-er, spy-er, then yelping the answer spider!

"Don't you ever again try to say you're not smart," Lily praised, "that was brilliant love."

Harry was flushed at the praise, meeting her eyes and still never growing tired of watching the color match back. There was some small part of him, even underneath all the dread anger and fear he was holding for this night, that left him in no doubt that this one moment where he was sitting beside his father being praised by his mother would mean something incredibly special on this June night as well.

The sphinx smiled at him, and then stepped aside.

Harry thanked her as he dashed past, baffled at his own brilliance.

James threw his head back and laughed hard at that one, he'd had his own moments of that in his school when he'd come up with some brilliant on the spot moves, but nothing as clever as this.

Harry turned one last corner, and there it was at last, the Triwizard Cup gleaming on a plinth yards away.

Harry watched those around him light up, and for just that one moment he let himself feel that too. The feeling that this was all over, Harry had won, he was about to walk out victorious against all odds.

Suddenly a dark figure hurtled out onto the path in front of him.

Sirius snarled in frustration, there just always had to be that one more thing.

Cedric had arrived as well,

"Oh bloody hell," James yelped in outrage, he knew he'd be beyond furious if Cedric took this win now! Harry had come so close, he shouldn't have even been in here, yet despite everything he honestly deserved it more for all the crap he'd been through. Where were the brooms when you needed them? Harry'd have him beat in moments.

his legs were longer, he had the further advantage, and Harry realized that cup was lost.

"Then stun him!" Remus blurted as he bounced in place.

Harry just shook his head, realizing the thought wouldn't cross his mind, for that one moment he'd been going to let Cedric win...which flooded him with so much worry in that moment Harry knew he should have done just that, done everything in his power to stop Cedric getting to that Cup. Harry wasn't that petty though, he shouldn't care that much about winning...

Cedric only had eyes for the cup, and as Harry watched his precision, he saw what Cedric had not, a dark figure scuttling along about to collide right with him.

Harry called out a warning, and Cedric only had just enough time to dart to the side as a gigantic spider was on the path.

"Gah!" Lily screeched. "That blasted riddle was as much a warning! Curse Hagrid and those bleeding spiders." She kept reading too fast for anyone to say otherwise even if they'd wanted to.

Harry shot Stupefy at once, but all this achieved was drawing the arachnid's attention.

"Oh but there's the bright side, you got it coming towards you now!" Sirius mock cheered.

"Harry has an awful knack of doing that," James groaned.

Harry kept shooting curse after curse, but it was doing no good, and without a moment to run the pincers caught him up by the waist and began lowering him towards its mouth, and Harry screamed in pain.

Lily's voice was starting to hurt it was pitching so high in fear. It was such a contrast to how happy she'd been moments ago and seeing Harry's win in the light the differnce left them all lagging in shock of a proper emotion.

Harry could hear Cedric trying the same spells he had, to the same effect, so Harry desperately tried Expelliarmus.

"Credit for originality," Remus muttered, "I don't think anyone's ever tried disarming a spider."

The Disarming Spell finally did something, Harry was released, only to sail to the ground and crash on his bleeding leg. Being half under the creature's mandibles, he aimed for the belly and shouted Stupefy just as Cedric did the same.

Spells combined, the spider finally keeled over and crashed through a hedge.

Lily felt herself shaking back into the cushions in relief. This had to be over now, she couldn't imagine anything worse protecting the Cup.

Cedric called for Harry in concern, asking if the spider had landed on him?

"Cedric really is such a good guy," Sirius shook his head in fondness, "I can think of a dozen other people who would have gone on for the Cup. The moment he touched it the Tournament would have been over, it would have done Harry just as much good as sticking around helping him while also giving him the win."

Harry felt a sudden stinging in his eyes, unable to understand why he was happy for that one moment where Sirius had finally admitted he'd liked Cedric.

Harry called back at least that hadn't happened, while he inspected his leg. It was bleeding freely, and a black thick substance surrounded it were the pincers had torn the flesh.

"That would be the beginnings of a paralyzing secretion," Remus shivered, "so tell Cedric to hop along already and get you out of there before it sets in."

He tried heaving himself to his feet, but his ankle wouldn't support him, he'd certainly at least sprained it in his fall.

Cedric was weaving his way through the legs to Harry's side, while Harry demanded what he was doing, telling him to get on with it and go grab it.

Cedric took a deep breath,

"Oh he's not," James' started to smile.

and told Harry in thanks for saving Cedric twice in here, he'd let Harry have it.

"Oh but he is!" Sirius barked in triumph. "Finally, some proper payback for that dragon tip!"

Harry was rubbing at his leg as he remembered that pain, ignoring the both of them as he was now running an internal monologue of regret that he didn't leap at this opportunity on the spot and do just that, instead he just knew he'd argue the point with Cedric, and Cedric would pay for it.

Harry snapped back that wasn't how this worked. His leg was hurting him more every second, he pulled himself up and only stayed that way by support of a wall, full of regret Cedric had beaten him in this as much as he had with asking Cho to the ball.

Lily gave a soft sigh, wanting to give her son a hug for feeling so seconded by Cedric all year, and now was certainly the worst time.

Cedric tried to say otherwise, but Harry insisted he couldn't even try a race on this leg, it was Cedric's. Still he said no.

Remus couldn't help it, he was starting to laugh a bit at this exchange. When, in the Cup's history, had two champions ever reached it and then argued over who deserved it more? He thought both boys should take it now, it honestly seemed a way to make everyone happy.

Cedric pointed out how he wouldn't have even made it this far if Harry hadn't helped him out with the dragons.

"I'm positive no one would have," Sirius grumbled.

Harry snapped back he'd had help with that too, and that favor had been returned with the egg.

Cedric confessed he'd had help with that as well.

Harry felt like he was standing inside a church bell as it was being rung his head hurt so bad, he closed his eyes tight to try and convince his brain not to be the death of him for how badly he was aching because of all of this, but that helped nothing. It was much more soothing to keep his eyes open on his mother, a small smile lingering on her face as she kept going. No one seemed that surprised Cedric had gotten help in the first place, clearly everyone in the Tournament had been getting help from someone, it seemed perfectly natural to them.

Harry still pointed out that made them square.

Cedric wasn't having it, insisting he should have acted like Harry back in the second task and stayed behind for the other hostages, Harry should have flat out won that. Harry insisted he had just been the only one thick enough to take that song seriously.

"Now what did you go calling me thick for?" Sirius demanded, and was instantly concerned when for the first time Harry didn't smile at that. His eyes were glassy, his lips trembling as he was clearly using all his willpower to repress saying something. They were all starting to feel the beginnings of panic set in, what could be so bad about this? Lily was starting to rush a bit in getting this finished, hoping the problem once they got out of there really was something they could help Harry cope through.

Cedric still refused, walking farther and farther away from the prize, and Harry realized he was serious.

"No, I am!" Sirius tried again a little desperately, anything to snap Harry out of it, and it seemed to work for just a second as Harry glanced at his godfather, but it helped nothing with whatever was eating the poor boy alive. Was that guilt?

He was actively walking away from Hufflepuff glory the house had never seen, all while insisting it should be Harry's for the taking. He crossed his arms and met his eyes, absolutely decided.

"Well now we're all doomed," James tried to pop some humor as well which fell dead flat around him.

Harry looked past him to the cup, for one second the image again in his eyes of being lifted into a cheering crowd, Cho's shining eyes only on him and that gleaming cup.

"If Cho dumps Cedric for you, just because you won, I honestly won't approve," Lily grumbled to herself.

Just as quickly though, Harry blinked it all away, telling that they both would take it.

Harry moaned, tears trickling out of the corner of his eyes as he shook his head desperately, knowing he'd give anything to take that back.

Lily made to put the book down and go to her son, but Remus caught her and reminded her what always seemed to help him best when this was eating away at him. Get the memory over with. She didn't agree, nothing they could be getting to would make any of this feel better, but she saw just how little she had left, and she honestly wanted her completion to be done just to have the thing out of her hands.

Cedric at first could only splutter in surprise, but Harry insisted on the idea. It would still be a Hogwarts victory, they'd helped each other every step of the way, they both deserved it.

Cedric's eyes lit with delight, and he agreed to the idea, offering Harry a shoulder over to their prize. Harry took it, and the two awkwardly made their way into the slight glow, each grasping a handle.

Harry felt as if his world was crumbling down around him, that one last moment he had left of seeing that smile on Cedric's face, the triumph gleaming in his eyes as his fingers grasped that at the same moment as Harry's. A million regrets tumbled through him of why Harry hadn't just touched it one moment sooner, why he'd let this happen-

Instantly there was a jerk in his navel. His feet had left the ground. He could not release the Triwizard Cup; it was pulling him onward with Cedric at his side.

Harry lost his thin tether he'd been holding, and vomited.

HPHPHPHPHP

Just before anyone asks, I'm not going to bring up the 'why didn't they just put the portkey spell on any object' plot hole up until the end of the book, where there's just going to be a whole chapter curled around the many aspects of this particular book. If you send me a suggestion of what you want to see in said discussion, there's a chance I'll slip it in if I don't already have a better spot for it.

I recognize the next three chapters all kind of go together, and since they're relatively short compared to what I've been working with lately, I promise I'm not completely a monster. I will do my very best to get them up even quicker than my normal updating, so with any luck the next one will be up Tuesday.

Completely unrelated side note, has anyone else taken the WOMBAT test? If not, see

www. hp-lexicon source /other -canon/ jkr /jkr -w2/

The commentary on these questions is hilarious, and I usually chose John/Steve's answers because they're sarcastic little shits like me, but Belinda embodies me a lot too.

[lesetoilesfous]

For DADW, #24 or #39 for the dialogue prompt list for Kanders?

Ok you correctly hit my Specific Angst Buttons so thank you for that, anon, this prompt was basically irresistible

(If you’d like me to write you a dragon age fic, send me a prompt from here!)

@dadrunkwriting

Pairing: Anders/Karl Thekla

Characters: Anders, Karl Thekla

Tags: pre-canon, the Circle is a nightmare, reference to ongoing abuse, frank discussion of sexual abuse, coercive power dynamics, basically templars bad

Rating: Mature

“We need to talk about what happened last night.” Karl is trying, hard, to keep his voice level. He’s not really sure he’s succeeding. In the dark, Anders’ eyes are bright and gold as a cat’s, blinking at him from the shadows of the bookshelf. This particular section of the library has been their preferred meeting point for the past month - a place where the shelves are built in such a way as to create a nook - with only one opening through which they might be seen. Slices of moonlight skate through the narrow, high openings above the bricked up windows, barely breathing light across the dusty wood and old books. The shivering blanket of magic that permeates the Circle prickles over their skin like electricity. 

Anders huffs, and puffs a strand of hair out of his face as he does so. His skin is white as bone in the dark. All of them are paler than they should be, but where Karl’s skin has faded to a lighter brown, Anders is almost ghostly. Karl misses the freckles that used to skate up his arms and across his cheeks, when they were still allowed to go outside. He can barely see them now, and certainly not in the dark.

“What’s there to talk about? I fixed it, didn’t I?” Anders’ voice is deliberately irreverent, in a way Karl has long since learned means that he has no intention of being anything other than stubbornly defensive. 

The sound of metal footsteps on stone echoes through the library as Rufus takes his patrol. Both of them tense, careful to maintain a distance between them even as they wait for the echoing scrape of steel on stone to fade away. 

Karl looks at Anders, preparing to argue with him, when a movement catches his eye. He doesn’t think when he lifts a hand to Anders’ warm cheek, testing his hypothesis. “You’re trembling.” Karl says the words as softly as he can, and Anders’ jaw tightens as he pulls away from him.

“It’s cold. Look, are we doing this or what? I’ve got a Creation exam in the morning and you know Wynne’ll bite my head off if I fail it again.”

Karl doesn’t mention the fact that the library is the same dull, tepid temperature at which the entirety of the Circle is always kept - enchanted into a lukewarm stasis. He also doesn’t point out that Anders’ body, pressed so close to his, is as warm as it ever is: all but blazing heat and signalling to any mage with an ounce of sense what his natural school was, despite his remarkable aptitude for spirit healing.

Instead, Karl steps back when Anders steps forward, back bumping into the bookshelf as he does so. Very gently, Karl catches Anders’ hands. “Anders, I’m not...I don’t want to use you.”

In the grey shadows of the library, Karl barely sees the way Anders’ eyes tighten, even as he jerks his hands back and tucks his hair behind his ear with a quick, impatient movement. “Why not? Everyone else does.”

Karl recoils, trying to ignore the sudden ache of hurt that cuts open in his chest at that. He takes a moment to breathe, and taste the musty smell of old paper and the closer salt and sweat and seemingly perpetual elfroot taste of Anders. When he speaks, he does so calmly. “I told you before. I don’t want to be like them.”

Anders falters, then, and moves forward, lifting one long hand to Karl’s cheek. His eyes are serious when he meets his gaze. “You’re not.”

The sound of a door breaking open in a crash of wood and metal makes both of them jump, stiffening as it’s followed by a bellowing roar that starts human and ends...less so. Both Anders and Karl flinch at the weird, inverted tug on the Fade of templar magic, and the ringing crash of metal. For what feels like forever, Karl stands with Anders’ hand on his cheek and wonders which of the enchanters the templars are killing this week. He wonders if it’s Uldred. 

Finally, the noise stops. From outside the library, Karl can feel the prickling, weak pull on the Fade of frightened apprentices, tugging like the claws of kittens caught in loose fabric. Slowly, systematically, both he and Anders relax. 

Karl speaks first. “Maybe...tonight isn’t -”

“No!” Anders speaks too quickly, and his voice echoes. For a moment both of them stand still, waiting for the sound to fade, and then waiting longer, to see if anyone had heard it. At the absence of the sound of metal on stone, Anders lowers his hand to clutch at the fabric of Karl’s sleeve. He lowers his eyes, too, staring down at their feet instead of meeting Karl’s gaze. “Please. I need...”

Anders stops and swallows. Karl moves closer to him, resting one hand on his shoulder. “What do you need?”

Anders shakes his head and closes the distance between them, bending to press his head against Karl’s chest. Carefully, Karl holds him, conscious as he always is of how easily his own farmer’s arms dwarf Anders’ body. They’d both been raised in the countryside, but where Anders had shot up like a beansprout and more than once suffered restricted meals, Karl had been the apparent image of good behaviour, and had broadened as he’d grown. When Anders speaks, his voice is muffled against Karl’s chest. “It feels different with you. Better. Good. I just...I want to feel good.”

Karl’s arms tighten around Anders’ back, and he forces himself to ask the question he’s been avoiding. “Did they -?”

Anders doesn’t let him finish, pulling back and shaking his head with a soft whisper of fabric. “They didn’t hurt me.” He smiles, and it’s bright and bitter in the dark. “I’m the tower whore, remember? I’ll fuck anyone.” The smile falls, and he looks away. “Even templars.” As quickly as the melancholy had descended, it’s gone,and Anders shrugs again, grinning. “The main thing is that we’ve still got those explosives.” His smile grows crooked. “Though the less you know about that, the better.”

Karl resists the urge to chastise him. It’s nights like these when he finds himself counting down the days until Anders’ next escape, and the brief blessed relief he could enjoy on the days he went uncaptured - imagining him outside of these walls, in the sunshine, away from the templars and their grasping hands. 

“So! Shall we get on with it?” Karl knows Anders well enough, by now, to hear the tremor in his voice. But even as he speaks he moves forward, and his hand falls between Karl’s legs, warm and deft as he ever is. Karl’s stomach flips, and he carefully catches Anders wrist, pushing him back and away. He tries not to panic at the sudden hurt in his eyes.

“I have a better idea.”

*

“This is stupid.” Anders says, but doesn’t move from where he’s sat curled against Karl’s chest, breathing gently, tucked beneath an old rough canvas cloth, usually used for the store rooms tucked behind the library bookshelves.

Karl hums, and runs his hand in slow, soothing circles over Anders’ back. Anders shifts, and looks up at him, and his hair tickles the base of Karl’s throat.

“I don’t get you, Thekla.” 

Karl grins a little at him, raising an eyebrow. “No?”

Anders turns a little more, tucking himself against Karl’s legs, folded awkwardly into his body on the stone floor. “No. You want to fuck me, right?”

Karl hesitates, and tries to ignore the way Anders’ eyes are burning into him, as if at any moment he’ll see what’s been puzzling him and finally tire of him, as Karl cannot help but fear he inevitably will. Carefully, he replies, “Sometimes.”

Anders frowns, and impatiently pushes his hair back behind his ear. It needs a cut, but he insists on wearing it long. Karl is glad of it, despite the impracticality. Anders has very lovely hair. “But you l-,” Anders catches himself, “you like me, don’t you?”

Karl sits up a little, trying to get a better look at Anders’ expression. “Of course.”

“So, why are we...cuddling on the floor instead of fucking like nugs the way the Maker intended?” Anders’ words come out in a rush, and Karl thinks he’d almost find them funny if the memory of how easily Anders had offered himself to the new recruits who’d caught them messing with force magic was not so fresh in his mind. If the memory of how easily the recruits had agreed, and let Karl go, wasn’t fresher. Instead, bile kicks into the back of his throat, and he carefully disentangles himself from Anders, putting some distance between them and trying to ignore the sudden chill. 

“Anders.”

“Karl.” Anders repeats, mocking, before he can continue. Karl feels a giddy, stupid rush of relief at that. An Anders who could tease him was not an Anders who trembled when he heard the templars coming. 

With an effort, Karl gathers his thoughts. “I do care about you. You’re,” Karl stops, and feels for a moment the deep and burning hatred that sits somewhere in his chest at how thoroughly the Circle has stolen even this from him as his tongue stumbles over the words, “You’re...very special to me.” I love you. You’re the love of my life. I would die for you and kill for you and instead I cannot even say I love you.

Karl’s fingers curl into a loose fist, and Anders sits forward, absently reaching out and taking his hand. Karl lets him, and feels himself begin to relax as Anders plays with his fingers, waiting for him to continue. After a moment, Karl does, staring at the rectangle of moonlight stamped by the distant window onto the stone between them like a bar of silver. 

“But that’s not dependent on sex. If we never had sex again, I wouldn’t...care for you any less. It’s not, necessary to me and honestly the idea that this is something you -” Karl stops, again, and wishes vehemently for even an ounce of Anders’ laughing eloquence as he tries to lift his leaden tongue. “I don’t want to use you. I don’t want you to feel...obligated to me, or like you owe me some kind of service. You don’t owe me your body, Anders. You don’t owe anyone that. “ 

Anders has stopped playing with his hand, and is staring down at their fingers with a fixed, still, glassy-eyed expression that Karl cannot read. He feels a sense of urgency building in him as he finishes, turning his hand to squeeze Anders’ tightly. “Lying with you is a gift and a privilege if and when you choose to share it, and you can always, always rescind that invitation. I don’t...it’s not appealing to me to do this unless you want it too. Not because you think I want it.” 

Karl stops, and pushes a hand up through his hair, trying to ignore the burning in his cheeks and up the back of his neck as he finishes, a little awkwardly. “I only want this if you want me too.”

For a long, terrible moment Anders is quiet. When he speaks, his voice is rough and low. “I don’t know what I want.” He blinks, and his eyes glitter like gold in deep water in the shadows. “They...tell me - my body - I’m.” Anders stops, then, and clenches his teeth, pursing his lips and taking a quick, deep breath through his nose. His hand tightens around Karl’s, squeezing so hard it’s almost painful. Karl doesn’t pull away. “But it doesn’t feel good.”

Karl tries very hard to control the sudden thrum of his magic, stretching out across the air of the library like a hand on the skin of a drum. Anders tilts his head at him, feeling the familiar pull on the Fade, and Karl shakes his head, forcing himself to let the feeling go. Then he sits forward, and takes Anders’ other hand.

“That’s ok. We’ve not got much, but we do at least have time.” He tilts his head, and smiles, and Anders snorts. Karl thinks, for one childish, wistful moment, that he wouldn’t mind living a life without the sun if it meant he got to grow old with him.

“So...” Anders voice is low, but it still feels dangerously loud in the quiet. “Now what?”

Karl shrugs, and it pulls at their joined hands. “How did you feel about cuddling?”

Anders is quiet for a moment, his thumb running over the back of Karl’s hand. “It...I liked it, I think. They don’t normally -” He stops himself. “I’m not used to it.”

Karl tries, again, to push away his anger, and leans backward - not so much pulling Anders as inviting him to move if he wants to. After a moment, Anders comes, shy as a beaten cat. Karl tries not to think too much about the accuracy of the image. 

Slowly, carefully, they lie down on the stone floor, and Karl pulls the canvas back up over their bodies. They’ll have to move, soon. They certainly can’t be discovered here by morning. 

But, gingerly, Anders rests his head on Karl’s arm and presses his hand against his chest, over his heart. Slowly, his breathing evens, and the space between them grows warm with their shared breath. Karl watches as Anders hesitantly shuts his eyes and presses closer, fingers curling in the fabric of his robe, like a child. Karl supposes Wynne would say that they were, with him at eighteen summers and Anders at sixteen. They hadn’t even been Harrowed yet.

But that’s a nightmare for another day.

For now, Karl curls his other arm around Anders’ body and holds him close, and runs his hand gently through his hair.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

And though I know since you've awakened her again She depends on you, she depends on you She'll go alone, and never speak of this again We depend on you We depend on you…

Amy and Hitoshi:

Awwww… the best Judies~. I also like to call them “The Will and Grace of UA” because Amy and Shinsou are… very much like Will and Grace, very close enough to make playful jabs and insults to each other.

Their love is deep but again, purely platonic and full of loyalty, candor and trust… to the point where it’s slightly gross since these two are almost TOO honest with each other XD There’s a TV Trope called ‘Platonic Life Partners’ and that’s more or less Amy and Shinsou’s friendship.

Amy and Shinsou have been best friends since they were toddlers as Amy notes that their mothers used to bathe them together, much to Shinsou’s immense embarrassment when she brings that up but notes that she doesn’t even remember any of that because they were like 3 at the time. Although he does express in annoyance that Amy used to have a habit of running around his house naked.

As each other’s childhood best friends, Amy and Shinsou are very close and very much like a brother and sister, with Amy even annoying him often like a sister and Shinsou treating her like a pest because she is but can give her real brotherly advice and affection. And despite driving each other crazy half the time, the pair can be their most authentic selves around each other as Amy can vent about anything to Shinsou, and Shinsou can lean on Amy for emotional support and open up to her about things that bother him.

Humorously, Amy and Shinsou have an extremely unfiltered friendship centered around almost WAY too much honesty, with the two being able to share WAY too much information with one another as Shinsou and Amy have no problems discussing private matters or straight up gross things with one another (ex: Amy can casually talk about her period with Shinsou, and Shinsou tells Amy whenever he has a body issue such as jock itch or BO). 

Everyone calls Shinsou an ‘enabler’ when it comes to Amy, which is not entirely untrue even though he constantly denies it. But Amy’s just as much an enabler as he is and doesn’t bat an eyelash to his habits. At least until he gets into a relationship with Ashlen and Amy vigorously helps him out but tells him to start being a little nicer and cleaner. But that just shows how close they are, how much they’re like brother and sister and nothing more than that, because Amy and Shinsou are living proof that a boy and a girl CAN be just friends. 

Now I’ll start from the beginning…

Amy and Shinsou’s parents were friends with each other, and so when they were born, Amy and Shinsou’s respective mothers liked to set up playdates when they were toddlers. Amy and Shinsou stuck to each other like they were siblings, playing together and causing mischief especially when they were 5 years old. 

According to Shinsou however, he and Amy learned each other’s names when they were both 4 years old in daycare, and he tells Ashlen and Tokoyami that on their first day of daycare, Amy clung to him even though they were children who didn’t entirely understand a lot of things. Shinsou also mentioned that he had to share his things with Amy, and admits that while it annoyed him at the time that Shinsou grew fond of Amy, and started to love her and view her as the sister he never had.

As they grew up together, even at a young age Shinsou was perceptive enough to pick up that Amy was even more immature than he was as he watched her get in trouble many times for accidentally knocking over a cake and eating from it, getting lost at the store or climbing into a claw-machine to take a toy.

Shinsou and Amy went to school together, and were each other’s only friends for all of elementary school and constantly played games together but also got in trouble together that Shinsou claims was “Amy’s fault 90 percent of the time”, even though it was actually 50-50 between the two of them. Amy protected Shinsou from bullies when they were kids, especially when they called him a villain and mocked his quirk, much to Shinsou’s slight embarrassment because while he made sure Amy didn’t get in trouble, he felt bad that Amy always protected him. But he also protected Amy from bullies when they thought she was quirkless and told her that he didn’t care that she was quirkless and still liked her just fine.

At least until Amy learned about her witch heritage and began manifesting her powers, and Shinsou felt a little bit jealous that Amy had cool powers such as telekinesis, teleportation and Concilium. Nonetheless, they still treated each other no different, and in fact, their pranks actually got worse because of Amy’s newfound powers. The two even used their powers mainly for shits and giggles whether it was taking cookies and sweets off the counter, pranking Shinsou’s father or pantsing bullies, including a young Katsuki Bakugo that Amy and Shinsou wouldn’t meet up until later in their teen years.

Unfortunately, when Amy’s parents are killed by witch hunters, Shinsou and his family mourned and grieved them, and although they wanted to take Amy in, Fiona Goode and Myrtle Snow said that they were the ones who needed to take care of Amy instead because it would be too risky for non-witches and warlocks to look after her. Likewise, the pro-heroes didn’t want to allow it because they claimed it would be ‘better’ for Amy to be raised by people ‘like her’, even though they actually feared that the radical witch hunters would kill other innocent people.  

When Amy left Japan for Robichaux, Shinsou broke down hard and cried when he watched her leave as Amy was the only friend he ever had. After her departure, Shinsou became even colder and more aloof to others, and didn’t want to make any other friends. Instead he proceeded to focus on himself to forget about Amy, but couldn’t bring himself to completely forget about her as he missed her terribly.

Meanwhile, at Robichaux, Amy was miserable for the first couple of months because she wanted Shinsou with her because she knew he would be able to comfort her after all the horrible things she had seen. However, her apathetic caretaker Fiona and cruel witch sister Madison told her to forget about him, and even a sympathetic but serious Zoe and Myrtle told her that there’s no point in crying over Shinsou because he’s not there and not coming for her. Hardened, Amy reluctantly let go of Shinsou so she could focus on protecting her coven. But when the bloodshed was over, after 5 years is when Amy decided that it was safe enough for her to go back to Japan just so she could see Shinsou again.

Cordelia gave her permission as she knew that Amy wanted to see her friend again and also wanted to be a hero with the other pro-heroes who rescued her those years ago, but the Supreme told her to be careful and that the hero society won’t deserve her, much to Amy’s confusion.

As Amy returns to Japan after so long, she passes the entrance exams with flying colors and gets into the Hero Course, but after she leaves the school for the first time, she senses Shinsou’s presence and hurriedly makes her way over in hopes of finding him and catches him at the right time when he’s about to exit UA (as he had successfully gotten in as well). When the childhood friends see each other after 5 years, they are both stunned into silence and slowly approach each other, once they realize that they are not figments of each other’s imaginations they quickly share a loving, tearful embrace. Afterwards, Shinsou doesn’t hesitate to take her to his home to greet his parents after so long and she is lovingly welcomed back by his mother and father. Shinsou’s father tells her that there’s always a place for her at their house, but Amy politely declines as she was given her own home (Fiona’s old mansion) by Cordelia. Nonetheless, Amy enjoys a welcoming party from the Shinsou family and she spends the rest of the day with her best friend.

Although Shinsou was admittedly bummed out and jealous that Amy made it into the Hero Course and she playfully teases him that she’s ‘always been stronger than him’ but a self-deprecating Shinsou doesn’t deny that and agrees with her. However, he does admit to Amy that it has been hard getting through school because of all the discrimination and Amy comforts him by telling him that she understands since while witches were outed to the world, there’s still discrimination. The two best friends then declare that they’ll overcome that together and become heroes as “The Witch and The Brainwasher”.

During the Sports Festival, Amy was on Shinsou’s team and Amy had no problem with Shinsou using her classmates Ojiro and Aoyama, nor did Amy have a problem with him mind-controlling them. In fact, Amy was his biggest cheerleader, even when he was against Midoriya, whom Amy had a crush on at the time. And Amy was at Shinsou’s side when he was defeated by Midoriya, but while he was grateful for the support he also told Amy to focus on beating her own opponents such as Kaminari, and he had no qualms quietly cheering for her during her fights against Kaminari, Iida and Todoroki, but got worried when she fought against Todoroki. Shinsou then checked up on Amy after she was defeated by Todoroki, because he could tell that Todoroki didn’t beat Amy using his full strength and that Amy was distracted by a new power awakening.

Their friendship is eventually recognized by Amy’s classmates when the Sports Festival ended, and because of their closeness, some of her friends such as Kaminari and Sero accused her of having feelings for Shinsou and vice-versa, which did confuse them for a little bit. Amy denied having any feelings for Shinsou and expressed disgust at the thought because she admits that she doesn’t view Shinsou like that. Shinsou, feeling peer-pressured and uncertain about how he feels about Amy, takes her out to the movies to watch Infinity War and play games at the arcade as a ‘date’. And Amy awkwardly agreed to do so, but when he feels nothing other than light-hearted fun with his friend, he confesses that he only loves her as a best friend and can’t feel any sort of romantic love for her. 

Shinsou: Amy…You and I have known each other forever, we’re best friends right? Well, I’ve realized something ever since you’ve been gone. Every person has someone in their life that they can’t live without. And that person is someone who steals a bounce-house for you on your birthday because you desperately wanted one. Someone who sneaks you out of class when you get food poisoning and goes into the boy’s bathroom to wash the vomit out of your hair. Someone who picks you up and feeds you ice cream when you’re just so miserable you need to drown it in everything that can’t possibly be healthy. Amy Martinez, that person is you. But I don’t love you.  I mean, I do love you but I don’t love-love you like that. I can’t...

Amy: (touched) Hitoshi… I don’t love-love you either, not like that, but I do love you too. I love you platonically Hitoshi Shinsou. and that’s all. Like... seriously that is all.

Shinsou: (smiles) Yeah… me too Ames… okay since this ain’t a date no more and I already paid, let’s just watch Infinity War. As FRIENDS. 

Amy: Friends! Ooh but get me a bunch of snacks! Chocolate! (Shinsou rolls his eyes)

Amy, touched by his words, confesses that she feels the exact same way and says that she absolutely loves him, but cannot romantically love him either. Happy and relieved, the friends proceed to enjoy each other’s company and later prank the people in the movie theater and smugly tell the students of 1-A that they’re just friends.

That being said, their relationship has had its ups and downs because of Amy’s new emotional instability that Shinsou quickly picks up on. Although Amy felt bad for letting him see that she wasn’t all there, she felt comfortable enough around him to open up about her issues because she knew Shinsou would never judge her for anything. And she was proven right, and although Shinsou was initially confused and alarmed by the new changes in his friend, he still kept an eye on Amy and realized that her temper is worse than it used to be, and her reactions are much more intense and inappropriate which he assumes is from trauma.

But because Amy up until this point, had acted like her normal and energetic self around him, he still acknowledges her as the girl from his childhood but who had been changed because of things she had seen. So he doesn’t act any different in spite of the revelation that Amy is prone to mood swings, although he does act more fearful when he senses that she’s going to get angry.

Nonetheless, he was extremely worried when she was taken along with Bakugo, and spent the last three nights tossing and turning, unable to sleep because he was worried that she was going to get hurt. To the point of having a mental breakdown until his father comforts him, telling him that Amy’s a strong girl and that the pro-heroes are going to find her which put him at some ease. And he is beyond relieved when Amy does come back rescued, but is dispirited when he finds out that Amy was rescued by Madison rather than the 1-A students and heroes as she tells him everything. Shinsou realized that Amy was upset that her classmates couldn’t rescue her and despite the fear he felt, he stood by her side and comforted her.

Shortly afterwards, his unwavering patience with her is put to a test after the Overhaul arc where Amy’s newfound realization about the pro-heroes abandonment her drives her to the brink. To the point where Amy opted out her classes Culture Festival event and instead went to the General Studies with Shinsou to help with their haunted house and he was well aware that Amy wasn’t well due to her irritability and the fact that he had caught her disassembling things with her telekinesis fueled by her anger.

Shinsou felt way too scared to say anything, he said nothing to provoke her when they spoke, and merely agreed with everything she was saying and even tried to cheer her up as she was working with him by making the jokes she normally would. To his relief some of the jokes worked but he still sensed her anger, but also sympathized with her and felt some anger too when he learned that had the heroes taken care of her like they planned to do for Eri, that she never would have had to leave Japan and could have stayed and not inadvertently have him suffer losing his best friend.

He also realized just how embittered and resentful Amy became towards Midoriya, Aizawa and the entirety of UA and that it wasn’t just a mood swing this time since her anger wasn’t wavering. He began to fear that if they weren’t careful that she was going to explode and potentially destroy the school, and so he did his best to cheer her up. Unfortunately, his fears come true during 1-A’s concert as he sees her bubbling with rage over her classmates having a good time without her, and when she runs out he desperately runs after her to follow, but his efforts are futile as Amy angrily flies back to her mansion.

As he tried hard to call and text her, Amy reluctantly ignored all of his calls for fear that she would hurt him. As Amy was aware that Shinsou had stuck with her the entire time, but knew she was going to do something foolish and reckless, so she deliberately avoided him so she could spare him from getting hurt or in any sort of trouble.

The next day, she starts spiraling out of control and lashing out by attacking UA, but makes sure to avoid actually hurting the students unless they attack her. Distraught by his friend’s meltdown, Shinsou takes it upon himself to try and talk her down and bring her back to her mansion. Although, he didn’t get out of that incident unscathed as he was slightly wounded by falling debris that he ignored for the sake of getting Amy to come down from her high. In the process he had to brainwash some people as students were told to evacuate and get away, but he had no plans to leave her. In the nick of time, Shinsou finds Amy in the middle of her fight with Midoriya, and inadvertently saves Midoriya from being maimed by Amy’s Sentio Furia, as he calls for her when seeing her about to perform the deed.

Looking up at her sadly, A remorseful Amy ceases the attack and she comes down from the fury over to Shinsou who offered to walk her back home as she angrily told the teachers that she’s quitting the school. Later on in the aftermath of the destruction she caused, Shinsou would even defend Amy from Aizawa, The Big 3 and the staff of UA and doesn’t let them put any blame on her and even makes excuses for her actions by saying that she’s been through enough and that she shouldn’t be judged for what she does.

Shinsou: I know it looks bad but, Amy is not bad, she just grew up in an environment that showed her a lot of bad things, the person who took care of her, turned out to be a bad person. She never wanted that life, she was forced into it and learned to do bad things, but it’s not her fault.

Aizawa: She’s unstable Shinsou. Although I admit, I should have considered what could have happened if she was under Fiona’s care. I regret it, it was my mistake trusting Fiona. But the damage Martinez did is done, and that’s my fault. I knew that witches were powerful, yet I didn’t even think to keep her in check.

Shinsou: Aizawa-sensei, please, she’s part of your class isn’t she? She’s part of our school. She’s one of us, yeah… she might be a witch, but she’s here to be a hero, just like everyone else is here.  

Aizawa: I know you feel close to her, but there’s a lot you still don’t know about witches Shinsou. You don’t know how much they’re capable of, and that only makes them more dangerous and unpredictable.

Nezu: Exceptionally powerful beings. I supposed we overlooked Ms. Martinez’s capability of destruction and took her at face value when she came in with such an upbeat personality. A loss of a potential hero, but perhaps allowing her to quit was the right choice for the sake of all our students and teachers given her mental state.

Shinsou: (clenching his fists) I know she messed up the school, I know she has issues, but you’re… you’re all talking about her like she’s s-some kind of an animal that needs to be kept in a cage…

Cordelia: (doesn’t even announce her presence) And she most certainly is not.

Although Shinsou also affirms that even though Amy did do some seriously bad things and doesn’t deny what she’s done, he argues that they shouldn’t turn her away either. His best efforts are largely ignored though because the staff was more concerned about the damage and upset that she caused, but before Shinsou could say something is when an incensed Cordelia stepped in and shamed all of the teachers and the heroes in the room, while also telling them to pardon all of her punishments. 

But, later on, Amy goes on a hedonistic bender with Madison, which forces Shinsou and several of the 1-A students to go looking for her. They eventually found her, with Amy claiming that she’s going back to New Orleans, but Bakugou and Shinsou manage to convince her to stay. Although Amy is still unwilling to speak with her other classmates, she is taken back home by Shinsou. The following day, as 1-A is discussing their erratic classmate’s situation, Shinsou visits to explain everything about Amy in hopes to clear the air.

Unfortunately, after Amy’s attack on UA her classmates are left shocked, horrified but also greatly saddened by what their friend and classmate had done. To the point of feeling guilty for not stopping her and letting their friendship with her act as a crutch when it came to bringing her down. But when some of them start doubting if Amy was any good to begin, Shinsou doesn’t hesitate to tell them how Amy truly is.

He tried to extend his perspective of her onto the other students, but many of them began assuming that she’s mentally unfit, only for Shinsou to state that her instability isn’t her fault, and also makes sure to let Amy’s classmates try to understand her. However, they all became much more afraid of her than they were initially as witnessing her attack the school and subdue the teachers and the Big 3 showed them just how destructive she is.

Although classmates such as Kaminari and Todoroki were more willing to give him and Amy the benefit of the doubt due to personally knowing her as well. Tsuyu, Mirio, Iida and Tokoyami commented that she’s more dangerous than they imagined due to her being unstable and yet still in control of her power, much to Shinsou’s annoyance as he angrily rebuffs them and goes off on them when some of them even liken her to a villain in the making. He also calls them out for the double standards that they are projecting onto Amy as well during his tirade.

Kirishima: (with a despondent look) Why does it feel so… wrong?

Shinsou: (to everyone in the dorms) Amy was your friend too. That’s why. She cared about you guys, liked you even. 

Tsuyu: (in a sad, yet dubious tone) She was our friend, and yet it didn’t stop her from attacking our school, our teacher, and our friend Midoriya. A friend wouldn’t do that, and they wouldn’t be so willing to do that either. We all knew that she was a trouble-maker, but I didn’t know she could be so mean. 

Kaminari: Hehe, okay c’mon hold the phone, maybe it’s not what a friend would do but, she must have been having a really bad day or something, I mean she was pretty grumpy before we even got started on the Culture Festival stuff. Amy likes to make jokes like me, but she is not mean, she was just having a bad day, nobody’s really their best on a bad day.

Shinsou: Exactly. You think she meant to hurt anyone? She’s not like that.

Iida: That’s no excuse for putting other students in danger, and she did just that. She let her emotions get to her and she left all of this destruction in her path. Attacked her own classmate, her own teacher and put everyone’s lives at risk, whether she meant it or not. She has no moral restraint…

Shinsou: (clenches his fists) Moral restraint? Is that all you care about? You have no idea what was going on at the time…

Todoroki: Something was troubling her, memories of her past no doubt. I thought something was wrong, but I didn’t even think to ask. I don’t know what was going on, but I’m sure it was painful for her. That anger, I saw it in her eyes, and that kind of anger can blind anyone, but I know Martin-… Amy. She isn’t cruel by nature, I don’t think she intended to truly harm anyone, because she didn’t hurt any of us, except for… Midoriya. But I think there was some restraint on her part, she put us all to sleep rather than harming us even when we tried to get her to stop.

Tokoyami: That’s because Martinez is much more powerful than we took her for. There is some restraint but that’s why she’s so strong. With a power than can expand to such lengths, I can imagine it’s hard to control when her emotions overwhelm her, and yet it seems that she does so willingly, she knows her magic well. Well enough to keep her own restraint on it, and only loses it because she wants to and knows how to manipulate it. She retains a sense of control over her powers even when they spiral out of control, combine that with her lack of regard for others, selfishness and unwillingness to be reasoned with. She’s dangerous, and her losing control of her magic so freely to attack her own allies only makes her even more dangerous to others.

Shinsou: (getting increasingly defensive) So what if she has dangerous powers? That doesn’t mean anything, your quirk is dangerous, Bakugo and Todoroki’s quirks are dangerous, that girl Midoriya saved, her quirk is dangerous, hell… even Midoriya’s own quirk is dangerous, so why is Amy being singled out when your quirks are just as guilty of being dangerous? 

Mirio: Because she used her power against her own friends! Look at what she did to our school, and you weren’t there when she was being so mean to little Eri. Then she hurt our teachers, she hurt my friends, and tried to kill Midoriya, her own friend, and whether she hurt her other classmates or not, she still put them in danger and she hurt people. She didn’t care who she hurt, she did what she wanted, and disturbed a peaceful day at school, only… a villain would do something like that don’t you think?

Shinsou: (loses all of his remaining patience as he chuckles) A villain? You think she’s a villain? (suddenly shouting) What the hell do any of you know?! I know her better than anyone! If you think I’m oblivious or ignoring this I’m not! I get it! She’s made some serious mistakes! I know she has! I know she as a lot of issues, I know exactly just how messed up she is, but she is NOT bad, she is not the monster you’re all making her out to be. She is not a villain! She’s a very emotionally disturbed girl and none of you can get that! Just because she’s not some sad thing crying for out for help from a hero or some goody goody two shoes wannabe hero doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be helped or treated like a lost cause!

Bakugo: Hey loser! Stop acting like you’re the only one who knows her!

Shinsou: What makes you think you know her?! You don’t know her at all! I understand her better than all of you! (Bakugo seethes with rage but Kirishima stops him from trying to attack)

Midoriya: (finally speaks up) Shinsou! She’s our friend too! You don’t think we’re sad too?! She... has serious issues, I thought she did but I just didn’t see it until later, but you’re not the only one who’s sad, you’re not the only one worried about her, you don’t think we know how it feels knowing a friend is struggling?!

Shinsou: No you don’t know how it feels! You only care about yourselves and a bunch of rando strangers! None of you can possibly understand what it’s like to know that your own family is struggling! None of you!

Shinsou is very defensive of Amy, especially when people don’t listen to him about her, and will even defend her from friends as he quickly states that they can’t understand her the way he does, but is prone to being hurtful and pointing out others flaws when they start pointing out Amy’s flaws regardless of if he’s friends with them or not. It is most likely because Shinsou knows what it’s like to be outcasted in favor of others, much like Amy has been almost all their lives. Also, because Amy is like family to him, he is very protective of her and gets extremely angry if people start assuming that she’s villainous or a bad person, whether he’s friends with them or not. 

Nonetheless, after this incident Shinsou makes sure to give everyone a certain ‘protocol’ whenever Amy is in a bad mood, and frequently tells them to be mindful of her so she doesn’t get triggered for the sake of seeing her happy and unbothered. Usually he does this ‘for their own good’ but can easily disregard them if they don’t listen to him about her.

Unfortunately, the next day Amy refuses to speak to Shinsou out of guilt for everything she had done and because she was using scrying in the bathtub to spy on the teachers and her classmates which makes her avoid him once she sees how much she’s burdened him and upon seeing what her teachers and classmates really think of her. Not wanting Shinsou to lose everything and the respect others have for him, Amy considers to cut him off of her friendship so he doesn’t have to sacrifice anything else for her. And also at that point she began to genuinely think that Shinsou would be better off without her, so she stops calling and texting him and ignoring all of his calls and texts.

But Shinsou becomes very upset when she doesn’t answer his calls or texts and he goes to her mansion out of worry. Amy avoids him entirely, feeling that she isn’t going to do any good for him and that he should focus on his heroic progress instead of her. Shinsou on the other hand, despite his priorities is still worried about Amy and cares for her enough to look for her. But then Amy tries to get him to leave her alone by texting that she doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. Hurt, Shinsou angrily yells for her to tell him face to face, but an emotional Amy does come to him and tearfully admits that she lied and still wants to be his friend.

Shinsou calms her down and listens to her side of the story, and he gets a much clearer understanding of her plight and was extremely horrified when she recounted every single horror she lived through in New Orleans. Afterwards he continued to show great concern for her well-being and visited her at her mansion everyday to check on her while she recovered from her meltdown.

Shinsou: So you watched Misty, Nan, Fiona... all of them... die?

Amy: Yeah… pretty much. Then the rest of the other shit happened, and I come back and realized that none of that shit would have happened if the heroes took me in. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

Shinsou: (silent for a while even though he doesn’t hide his disappointment and sympathy) How the fuck did you survive all of that?

Amy: I don’t know. I almost wish I didn’t. Maybe it’d be better, it’s why I told you that ‘I don’t wanna be friends’ bullshit, I’m not any good for you Hitoshi… I’m sorry. I just wanted to protect you from me.

Shinsou: Stop. That’s not necessary. Just talk to me, you know I wouldn’t do that for anyone else, but just talk to me if you feel like you’re going to break again. Okay?  

Amy: (smiles softly) Okay.

Although Amy started to get more irritable and more irrational when Shinsou had to go train with Aizawa, since she was still mad at him. Despite this and another argument later, Amy and Shinsou reached an understanding as she apologized because she knew Shinsou wasn’t at fault for anything and he forgives him.

As he visited her often, Mallory and Madison told him to give her space and he reluctantly did so when it became apparent that there were times when even he couldn’t do anything to make her feel better. Dejected but accepting of this, Shinsou’s concern for Amy remained but he also made sure to live his own life. Although he did still play his part and do his best to cheer her up whenever she looked depressed and was elevated whenever she showed a willingness to have fun with him during her isolation.

However, in the original timeline when Amy has to return to Robichaux to help her coven due to the rising threat of the Anti-Christ Michael Langdon, Shinsou is once again crestfallen to have to see his friend leave as he tearfully comments that he lost her again. Fortunately, he was able to see her again thanks to Cordelia’s spell keeping him and the rest of 1-A and Aizawa asleep under Misty’s Louisiana Swamp mud when Michael destroys the Earth and they are allowed to emerge and reunite briefly with Amy and the witches. Shinsou would then put his life on the line to save Amy from the Anti-Christ as when Michael begins his attack, Shinsou quickly urges Amy to go help Mallory and briefly fights with Michael.

Sadly, Michael easily overpowers him and breaks his hand when he tries to punch him, and when Michael attempts to follow Amy, Shinsou uses his capture weapon in a desperate attempt to get him away from her, willing to die so Amy can live and save the world. Unfortunately, this move allows Michael to pull Shinsou closer to him, allowing him to grab his neck and snap it, killing him and destroying his soul, which horrifies Amy as she screams and wails for him. 

Although Amy was overwhelmed upon feeling Shinsou’s soul disappear, along with the rest of her classmates who fought against Michael to help the witches, it was Shinsou’s death and her friends’ death that motivated her to hurry and rush to help Mallory with the Tempus Infinitum spell.

Thankfully, Cordelia’s sacrifice allows Mallory’s power to awaken and Amy doesn’t hesitate to follow her and give her power to her so they can both go back in time to prevent the Anti-Christ from rising. As Amy and Mallory return to 5 years in the past, she is disturbed by all the memories that come flooding back to her, but remains focused on the task at hand as she and Mallory are allowed to redeem the Anti-Christ and prevent the apocalypse in the new and current timeline.

Amy was aware that she could technically change all of what happened, but agreed with Mallory that they shouldn’t change the entirety of the future and only change some of the worse aspects that impacted the witches as Amy reluctantly agrees. Although, when Amy reunited with Shinsou oncemore, the second meeting (that Shinsou wasn’t aware of) was even more tearful as Amy clung to him and cried outloud for him.

 As all of the events that happened in the original timeline play out, Amy finds herself once again isolated in her mansion as she realized that she hadn’t completely changed from the original timeline because of how the events still played out exactly the same. Fortunately in this current timeline Amy is still being cared for by Mallory, Madison and Shinsou and then she would meet her new best friend Ashlen on the internet, who became a source of comfort for Amy. However, Shinsou was somewhat distrustful of her new internet friend, as he became even more protective of Amy and grew wary of anyone else who got close to her because he didn’t want her to get hurt again. Despite that, he trusted Amy’s judgment as she happily kept chatting with her new friend.

When Amy eventually decided to return to UA, Shinsou was ecstatic as the two of them shared an affectionate, tearful hug, especially since Amy had returned during the War arc.

Amy then would take him and 1-A to New Orleans as an apology and as a means to help her friends recover from the events of the War arc.

Although upon being attacked by witch hunters in New Orleans Shinsou was crestfallen when he had to watch Amy get killed by the witch hunters who succeeded in impaling her and was inconsolable when he believed her to be dead. Fortunately Misty and Cordelia were able to find her body in the ocean and revived her as the two friends tearfully hug. Afterwards Shinsou would accompany Amy, Madison and Midoriya to the Murder House and free the trapped souls with Amy constantly protecting Shinsou and vice-versa. And after her mission with Midoriya, Shinsou decided to do something nice for her. Remembering Amy express her regrets for not being able to perform at the Culture Festival, he gets them a spot during a festival in New Orleans where he and Amy performed and sang ‘True Colors’ together and Amy happily thanked him afterwards and called him her ‘very best friend’.

While it might not always be healthy, Shinsou almost always forgives Amy for anything she does no matter how amoral or messed up it may be, and that includes murder, manipulation and deception or even going on a rampage throughout his school.

Although Shinsou is not entirely lenient on Amy, as he can tell her when he thinks she is wrong about something and tries to balance out her craziness by acting as the logical and rational one. Despite this however, because Shinsou is terrified of her temper and her power, he often finds himself buckling under pressure and instead opts to hold his tongue if it means not upsetting Amy. Even apologizing for little reasons when he senses that Amy is in a bad mood or whenever she raises her voice. And because Amy sometimes doesn’t always realize just how overbearing she’s being, she was oblivious to the power imbalance between the two of them, with Amy having most of the power and Shinsou being the one bending over backwards for her.

Eventually Shinsou does secretly admit to himself and later to Kaminari that it can be really emotionally taxing on him to take care of Amy whenever she’s upset because he’s terrified of her either lashing out, having another meltdown, hurting someone or hurting herself. That being said, Shinsou has also had panic attacks whenever he thinks about Amy’s rage and freezes up in fear whenever she gets angry because of her capability for destruction. He pretends that it doesn’t bother him, but because of his friendship with her and unwillingness to admit that his friend scares him, he bottles it up and continues to make excuses for her.

Amy eventually realizes this in the second year when Ashlen enters the picture and she sees what kind of emotional struggles he goes through whenever she got upset and saw how it affected Ashlen too. Feeling even more guilty, Amy apologizes to both of them, and plans to make amends to Shinsou by being a better friend to him, and this shows when Shinsou has his own emotional meltdowns (albeit much more downplayed compared to Amy’s) and Amy gladly looks after him and helps him feel better.

Overall, their friendship is very strong, albeit with some slight co-dependence on their parts as Shinsou and Amy both suffer their own breakdowns at the mere thought of losing each other or no longer being friends, which is why he got pissed at her for lying that she didn’t want to be friends and she broke down immediately even if it was just a lie.

Later on, their relationship remains as loving and close, especially when they add Ashlen into their friend-group as the two take it upon themselves to be their best selves for her, although they’re still not above acting like trouble-makers even with Ashlen around and playfully joking around with her. Nonetheless, they’re a dynamic duo who love each other and will do anything for the other.

And though I know, since you've awakened her again She depends on you, she depends on you She'll go alone and never speak of you again We depend on you, I’ll depend on you...

[bohemian-rhapsody-slash]

The government inspector is a a middle-aged Dom in his late forties, perhaps a few years older than Brian. He has grey hair and is dressed in a smart suit, clutching a clipboard to his chest.

“Mr Brian Harold May?” the Dom says with a smile.

“Yes,” Brian replies, and Andy has to applaud how confident and calm he appears.

“Good morning. I’m Mr Thomas Edmonds. I’m here today to conduct your household inspection. Can you please confirm that you are the head of this household?”

“Yes I am.” Brian forces a smile. “Please come in.”

The inspector glances at Andy as he enters, giving him a curious look.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Brian says, “but my step-son, Andrew, will be shadowing me for the inspection today. He is the second oldest Dom in the household and turns eighteen in just a few months, so I thought it might be useful for him to see how this works and to understand how to run a good household.”

The inspector beams. “Not at all! It’s always encouraging to see young Doms taking an interest in the duties they’ll be expected to carry out as adults. A pleasure to meet you, Andrew.”

“And you,” Andrew lies.

The inspector turns to face the rest of the family, smiling at the Dom children stood to one side, the sub children stood to the other side, and John and Roger on their knees in the middle.

“What a lovely family,” the inspector says with a smile. “Quite a big family too! I can see from my notes that you’re a blended family- very noble of you to take in another sub and his children, Mr May. I also just want to take this opportunity to reassure you that I am completely independent- I am aware of course of who you are, but I don’t know too much about Queen myself. With celebrities we always like to make sure that we assign an inspector who isn’t going to be biased.”

“That’s good to know,” Brian says weakly.

“Now, I’ve got a list of the members of your household here, but I’d be grateful if you could please introduce them to me.”

“Of course.” Brian gestures at Roger and John. “My submissives. Roger is my claimed submissive, and I’m John’s nominated Dom. You’ll probably be aware that his Dom passed away nearly two years ago, and he’s under my care now.”

Roger and John bow their heads respectfully at the inspector, keeping their eyes lowered to the floor.

“Beautiful,” the inspector says softly. “Just beautiful. And I suppose they’ve had their annual medical exams this year? Are they still fertile?”

Andy clenches his fists, trying to restrain himself as he watches the discomfort return to his mother’s face.

“Yes, they’re all up to date with their medical exams,” Brian says firmly, “and both are still fertile. Perhaps we can save the details for our interview later? I’d prefer not to discuss this in front of the children.”

“Yes, of course. We can discuss this more later. Would you care to introduce me to your Dominant children?”

Brian nods and gestures to the right. “My Dominant son, Liam, and Dominant daughters, Sophie and Charlotte. And this is Nathan, my Dominant step-son.”

The inspector gives them all a smile. “Very healthy looking children.” He focuses on Nate. “Hello, young man.”

Nate looks up at the inspector with panic in his eyes, clearly unsure of how to respond. Andy tries to catch his eye, but in his panic Nate breaks ranks and rushes over to John, gripping on to his mother and burying his face in John’s sleeve.

“I’m sorry, sir,” John says softly, stroking Nate’s hair and pulling him in for a hug. “He’s a bit shy.”

“Not to worry,” the inspector chuckles. “I’m sure his Dominant side will come out a bit more as he gets older. And your submissive children, Mr May?”

Brian gestures to the left. “My submissive son, James, and my submissive step-son, George.”

The inspector makes a note on his clipboard. “Excellent. They both look as though they’ll bloom into fine submissive beauties.”

George makes a mock vomiting face when the inspector turns his back, and Andy shoots him a pleading look.

The inspector seems content enough for the time being, and with the easy part over, they proceed to the interviews. The interviews take place in the dining room, and the inspector insists on speaking to everyone in three groups. Brian and Andy are allowed to be present for each of them.

The Dom children are interviewed first, and they all manage to stick to the script. They talk about how Brian is a good role model for them, and how he maintains discipline in the house. Liam and Sophie do most of the talking, which is a relief because Nate still looks nervous.

George and James’s interview is also fairly straightforward. They tell some believable lies about how Brian is already introducing them to some potential eligible Doms, and how they’re looking forward to one day supporting their own Doms with running a household.

It’s the interview with Roger and Andy’s mother that makes Andy the most uncomfortable.

One of the things that really annoys him is that the inspector directs most of the questions to Brian.

“Are you pleased with them?” the inspector asks, scribbling down notes. “Do they satisfy your needs?”

John blushes, and Andy clenches his hands in his lap.

“Very pleased,” Brian says, barely hesitating. “I couldn’t ask for better submissives.”

“Lovely. And are they obedient? Do they submit to you completely?”

“Yes. They do as they’re told. They are very respectful to me as their Dominant.”

The inspector gestures at John’s neck. “Are you planning on claiming John at some point? Does it upset you that he has another Dom’s collar around his neck?”

“Not at all,” Brian says immediately. “I respect John’s status as a widowed sub and his decision not to want to be claimed by me. His devotion to his previous Dom is no reflection of his devotion to me.”

The inspector nods. “Alright then. I think I have most of what I need. I’ll just need to carry out a more thorough inspection of your submissives and their obedience. Is there somewhere private we can go? One of the bedrooms perhaps?”

John’s face pales as Roger reaches over to squeeze his hand, and had Andy not been prepared for this moment, he might have lost his temper.

“You can’t do that,” Andy interrupts before Brian can respond. “You can’t carry out an intimate inspection without a warrant. And you can only file for one of those if we fail the main inspection.”

Everyone at the table frowns at him.

“It’s true,” Andy adds. “I read about it. It’s the law.”

The inspector looks as though he’s trying to hide his annoyance. “Ah yes. Right you are. Looks like you’ve got a budding lawyer here, Mr May.”

“Looks like I have,” Brian says, giving Andy a proud grin.

Luckily all that’s left is the house inspection, and thanks to a family effort every room is absolutely spotless. The inspector can find no fault. He spends rather a long time looking through the master bedroom, and Andy has to bite his tongue as the inspector rifles through his mother’s underwear drawer. Andy has to leave the room when the inspector starts pulling out a series of paddles and other items from the wardrobe.

But ten minutes later, the inspector makes his final notes on his clipboard and leaves, satisfied.

The tension noticeably dissolves once he’s gone, and Andy finds himself being pulled into a hug by Brian.

“We did it,” Brian grins, “all thanks to you. I’m proud of you, Andy.”

Andy smiles bashfully. “Yeah. We did it.”

[wolfpawn]

Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 73

Chapter Summary - Tom is elated his family is home.

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Tags: @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @theoneanna @wolfsmom1  @black-ninja-blade

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“Daddy.” Lily rushed forward and into Tom’s arms. “I missed you so much.”

Tom felt as though part of him had been missing for the time that Lily and Alexianna were away. Seeing his little girl dashing from the taxi towards him made his heart soar. Even with the fun of something new, she had missed him. As soon as she was in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist and her head on his shoulder, he felt part of himself returning. “Hello, Princess. I missed you too.” He felt his voice crack slightly. When she pulled back enough so that she could see his face, he smiled as best he could. “How was your holiday?”

“It was super fun but it wasn’t the bestest acause you weren’t there.”

“I wish I could have been, Princess. When the baby is born and Mummy and I can get something planned, I promise that we will go on a lovely holiday, just the four of us.”

“The baby won’t know it’s a holiday.”

“No, it won’t but we can leave him or her here alone, can we?”

Lily’s face filled with horror. “Nope, acause that’s not allowed.”

“No, it’s not.” Tom smiled all the more as her bright eyes filled with the animation he adored so greatly. “Now, where is your Mummy?”

“Over here, wondering if I will get a look-in at all.” Alexianna walked over to them as Tom placed Lily on the floor. “Hello, Stranger.”

Tom’s focus went to her stomach. Their child had grown in their time apart, he was sure of it. Then he looked at her face and smiled while also swallowing slightly. The sun had done her some good. Her skin had taken on a pale tint that had not been overly healthy looking since their youth but seeing her after only ten days in a warmer climate, he swore he would insure she would get that every time it started to return. Something Tom always noticed about Alexianna, even when they were younger was how sallow her skin could be if it ever got the sunlight to do so. After a mere ten days, she looked almost identical to how she had as a teenager, the warm tone having returned. The only part of her face that did not boast a beautiful was the corner that was scarred from her accident and subsequent surgeries, but it was hardly noticeable. What was noticeable was how fresh she looked. The frown lines from exams, work stress and the first and early part of second trimester of pregnancy all seemed to have departed her features, leaving her looking far better than she had looked in a long time. “Hello, you.” He pulled her to him, kissing her with fervour, trying to display how much he missed her in one action. When he pulled back, it was clear she could sense it, the half concerned look on her face telling him that she was worried as to if he was alright. “Where’s Daniel and Anna?” Her answer was clear in her features before it ever was answered by words.

“They are having an evening with Oliver. Daniel thought we would want an evening alone on our return so they are staying in Oliver’s tonight. We will be meeting them for lunch tomorrow.” Her voice was slightly strained, leading Tom to ponder if there had been issues with regards to their father while they were on holiday.

“Who is Oliver, Mummy?” Lily asked curiously.

“A friend of Uncle Daniel’s. Now, how about we get these suitcases inside, hmm? It looks like there’s a risk of rain.”

“I’ll get those, you get in.” Tom urged, grabbing the luggage and thanking the taxi driver before following Alexianna and Lily up the steps to their home. When he brought the bags up the steps, Alexianna was holding the door for him. “Is everything alright, with you and Dan, I mean?”

“Perfectly so. You know my feelings on Oliver, we both know his. I am a grown-up, I can respect his decision.” When Tom placed the bags down, she leant forward and kissed him. “I missed you too, by the way.”

Tom leant down and kissed her again, his hand coming to her stomach as he did so.

Gently, Alexianna moved his hand to another spot. “We’ve moved slightly.”

“Have we now? And were we good for Mummy like I told us to be while you were away?”

“The new position means I can feel so much more. It is a lively little thing, I think we may need to get a restraint jacket for it when it is born.”

Tom chuckled before getting to his knees in front of her, his face directly in front of her stomach. “What is Mummy saying about you, huh? Are you a trouble maker, even when you are in there? If it’s a boy, we could call him Loki?”

Alexianna laughed, knowing that Tom would be murdered by his parents if he did not give his child something resembling a ‘normal’ name. “We could, I dare say that would be construed in some bizarre manner by your fans.”

“I dare say the detractors would have something to say about it,” He agreed. While they spoke, he noticed a momentary movement on her blouse that was indicative of the child inside moving. “Hello, Cheeky, are you moving around in Mummy now, mocking us talking about you? I won’t call you Loki, I swear. Maybe in private if you are a mischievous little thing, but I think we do need to think about names for you, don’t we? Not Loki, though.”

“Definitely not Loki,” Alexianna concurred.

“Though if you are a girl, we could get away with calling you Lucy. It’s a lot like Loki but different enough to not have people suspect.” He paused for a moment. “It goes well with Lily too. Lily and Lucy. Lucy Hiddleston….oh that is a nice name.”

“Hiddleston, you say? That is very presumptuous of you.”

Tom paused and looked worriedly at Alexianna trying to establish if he read her playful tone correctly or if she genuinely was not considering giving their child his surname.”Will it…?” He did not wish to start an argument but he very much wanted his child to have his surname.

“We have not even begun to discuss such things.” Alexianna pointed out. “And we have time to do so yet.”

Tom wanted to argue his position more but knew it was not the time. “You must be hungry after your journey.” He decided to leave it go for now and not risk an argument when they had only just arrived home.

“We are, actually. We had a light lunch in the airport but you know the price of airport food, so it was rolls from the hotel with some ham and crisps from a far too overpriced vendor. Nothing on the plane because that is even more expensive and I was just grateful to get in that taxi after we got to Charing Cross.”

Tom frowned. “You didn’t get it from the airport?”

“No, we got to Tube back. Daniel helped with my bags but when we parted company in the city, I was in no mood for anymore with just myself and a very tired Lily so we got a cab.” Alexianna walked further into the house, putting the light jacket she had brought with her on the coat rack as she did so.

Tom walked in behind her, watching her as she surveyed the room to see if she needed to do anything but Tom had ensured the house was tidy for their return. “I spoke with the letting agents.”

“One moment.” She rushed over the to the kettle and put it on before looking at him again, her arms folded across her chest and her face one to indicate that he had her full attention. “What are they saying?”

“The tenant wants to sign a three-year lease.”

“Already?”

“He loves it, it’s everything he wanted, but they wanted to ask if he could alter it slightly back into a more studio look. He is an artist on the West End in musicals, that means a lot of scene and set work so he needs to alter it a bit so if I say yes, then he’ll sign up now and we have that guaranteed income for the next three years.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Definitely. No matter what, that place is not suited to a four-person family. Even if this is Lucy and not Loki, the girls would be on top of one another there, it would not work.”

Alexianna laughed at his playful jesting that a son could be called Loki. “Well then, send the message. No time like the present.”

“I also went to a few estate agents on Monday.”

“Considering you had only one day off and a lot to do for it, why did you do that?”

“I got a meal preparation company to make my food. I used them before, they’re great, so I had time. We need to keep looking. This place isn’t well suited to a new baby, Lexi. You know that. The obstetrician already told you that it appears very much that this baby will have to be a c-section and especially with me being forced to do the Broadway part of the show, you cannot, under any circumstances, be dealing with a buggy and those steps, absolutely not. We need something far better suited so we are going to intensify the search. The baby is here in just over three months and I will be damned if we don’t get somewhere nice for us to settle down and put down good solid roots for our children to grow in.” His voice became stern as he spoke, showing his conviction.

“Alright.” Alexianna knew better than to argue when Tom got into such a mood, he rarely went into them but when he did, he would not be dissuaded and if she was honest, she felt similar. She did not want to have to try to deal with a baby and the current home. She loved it, but it most certainly did not suit for a new child. The doctors agreed that with her records sent from the other hospital where she had had Lily, they would need to schedule her for another c-section. She was alright with that as she suspected it would have to happen but it meant that she would take longer to recover due to the fact it was major abdominal surgery and trying to bring a baby, a pushchair and undoubtedly, on occasion, a moody seven-year-old up and down the stairs in all sorts of weather filled her with dread. “We’ll go through them on your next day off.”

Satisfied that particular matter had been sorted, Tom smiled. “So, will I cook us something or is here a particular something that tickles your fancy this evening?”

At that exact moment, Lily, who had gone up to her room to ensure her teddies and other toys were exactly where she had left them, rushed through the door once more. Indian, Daddy, pretty pretty please with marshmallows?”

Tom quickly glanced at Alexuanna who rolled her eyes but nodded ever so slightly, something he was able to pick up on. Grinning brightly, he turned once more to Lily. “Well, since you mentioned marshmallows.” He scooped her up and into his arms. “Korma for you, no doubt. Mummy, are you stealing some?”

“With my heartburn, you better believe that’s the spiciest thing I am going to attempt to eat,” Alexianna confirmed.

“Oh no, poor Mummy. Your brother or sister is being very naughty and making Mummy’s belly silly. She feels like a fire breathing dragon.”

Lily giggled. “No, she doesn’t.”

“Yes, she does,” Alexianna groaned. “You better show your Daddy what you got.”

“What’s this? What did you get, show me.”

Excited, Lily’s eyes lit up and she struggled in Tom’s arms, causing him to place her on the ground and for her to rush to her bag.

“You help her with that, I will order our usual,” Alexianna smiled. “I can’t bend down as much now, someone’s less than impressed when I do.”

“Use my card to pay.” Tom stated.

“No, it’s…” Seeing that Tom was prepared to argue, she simply sighed. “Fine. I am not going to get into a fight about some Indian.”

“Wallet’s on the counter.” He smiled before going to the hallway. “How about I bring these silly suitcases upstairs and you show me as we tidy them away so that we can help Mummy?” He suggested which led to an excited squeal of agreement from Lily.

Alexianna rolled her eyes and laughed before going to the counter and getting Tom’s wallet. She clicked the different details on her phone for their dinner. When it was preparing to go to the payment page, she opened the wallet, looking for Tom’s card to pay for it. The first thing she noticed was the crumpled top of a piece of paper that protruded from it, causing her to smile. It was something that Lily wrote in school, not long after Tom entered her life. It was a picture of her family, showing her, her mother, her uncle Daniel (who had not, at that point, introduced them to Anna) and Tom along with a few words in reference to her family. Tom had been the one she bestowed her masterpiece on and he kept it with him ever since. Another thing she noticed, was a filled loyalty card for the coffee shop Tom pretended not to visit with the regularity of a caffeine addict try to get their next hit. Seeing all ten spots filled and ready to be used to receive a free beverage, she laughed slightly and shook her head. It took an extra moment than usual to find the card as, though Tom was predictable as to where in his wallet he kept it, Alexianna could not see the dark green of the debit card she usually saw at first. It was only when she realised it was actually hidden in a receipt, which was wrapped around it that she realised it was there. Sighing to herself and shaking her head, she took it out and unwrapped it before taking the card and typing out the numbers on the front of it to pay for the food. When she did that, she also checked to see if Tom had a spare five-pound note to give the delivery driver. More receipts filled the area of the wallet usually reserved for banknotes but Tom did not have anything smaller than a twenty-pound note in there so she went to put the card back in, including the receipt wrapped around it before placing it back on the countertop and heading upstairs, certain that she had some money left in her work jacket from topping up her Oyster Card before going on holiday.

When the food arrived, the family sat together at the table, Lily regaling Tom of everything that happened while they were away as well as asking him multiple times if he did anything interesting in their absence, disappointed that at no stage, Tom did not seem to recall anything of note happening between each time she asked.

It was not long before Lily’s exhaustion caught up with her and Tom had to carry her to her bed since she had fallen asleep on the couch not long after finishing all she could of her dinner.

When they were certain that Lily would not wake and disturb them, Tom and Alexianna also went to bed, looking forward to spending some time together again after their separation. After expressing his love for her physically and while Alexianna slept peacefully beside him, her body exhausted from the challenge of the heat she had been in for the past week, the day of travelling with limited food and the pregnancy, he thought of his actions in their absence. The long tedious hours of work, the loneliness of being at home without them and the item he had purchased so excitedly the day before that he could not wait to show her. He just hoped she would not find it before he was ready for her to, not realising that in his desperation to find a good spot to hide it, he left the most blatant clue to everything in his wallet, around the card he specifically insisted Alexianna use to pay for dinner.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Hi Ridia-san! I had a discussion with someone who thought that yata had the tendency to get away with things in canon and didn't have any character depth whatsoever,I'm new in the fandom so I don't have all the material to make an argument,what's your opinion on this topic?(they also think that yata is not good enought for fushimi but i don't know about that)sorry for my engli

….I don't usually answer these out of order but I feel the need to defend my baby whose good name has been besmirched D: Also you’ll see this is why I only did a short answer today, this one took me all evening...long rambly meta under the cut:

To be honest I find it a bit odd to say that Yata 'gets away with things' in canon while also claiming he's not good enough for Fushimi, considering Fushimi arguably gets away with more than nearly anyone else in canon – like, I love him and he has a lot of issues that make his reasoning clear, but it doesn't make the way Fushimi acts okay and one of the unfortunate weaknesses I think in his character arc is that he's never really quite called on it or forced to examine his actions very closely, whereas I would argue that Yata is forced to face the weaknesses in his world view and comes out a better person for it. Same with the argument that Yata has no character depth, his arc is one of the more clearly articulated in the series and I would honestly wonder if someone's been actually paying attention to what's happening in the series if they think Yata has no depth and that the Yata we meet at the beginning of the series is the same as the one that ends the series.

So yeah, Yata. I've got a few more in-depth asks about him here and here that are worth looking at, but just to go over his character beat by beat and why I don't see him as 'getting away' with very much at all. He's definitely a flawed character, but so is everyone in K (as it should be, as they say there's nothing more boring than a perfect hero). The Yata we meet first in LSW is young and probably a bit overbearing for a lot of people, someone who isn't good at reading the emotions of others but who ultimately wants to be a good kid. Like at the beginning of LSW with the Yata Team we can see Yata's good and bad sides: he wants to be part of a group, he wants to go on adventures and do awesome things and maybe be a bit of a delinquent (but, notably, for all Yata wants people to think he's a tough hardcore punk Yata's not the one who was cheating on tests or bullying skinny unhealthy nerds, Yata's form of rebellion actually comes off as a bit more of an outer shell covering the actual inner core of creamy nougat).

At the same time, Yata doesn't realize at all that this isn't what his 'friends' like or what they want to do, he tries to get them to join in with him without seeming to care that they have no interest and he gets annoyed at the school being full of boring stuck up kids. Obviously this is an immature worldview but Yata's immature, he's a kid. And it's worth remembering his back story here, that Yata's a kid who doesn't feel he fits in with his own family, who felt for years that he was the only one who could protect his mom and that he just moved back to Shizume after having lived away in a place where it's pretty clearly implied that he did in fact have his own group of friends – Kamamoto, notably – and where he was popular and looked up to. Now he's in a different school in a different place and he doesn't quite manage to fit in well and it's like here he is again, the only square peg in a place full of round holes.

Even so, Yata still tries to keep strong to his own beliefs. Yata has some notable masculinity issues and I think he has this image in his head of what a 'man' should be, and that image is basically a superhero. Yata just wants to be someone who fights on the side of justice and protects everyone, to the point he takes the fall for his not-friends cheating even though he had nothing to do with it. And as Fushimi somewhat points out to him afterward, some of that may well have been rooted in Yata's own ego – wanting to be acknowledged, to be looked up to as the one who protected his friends – but I think he also sincerely wanted to do what he thought a good leader would do. Then when he sees Fushimi being bullied it's the same – Yata I think wants to be needed and to belong, and just as Fushimi feels outside his family Yata does too, like maybe if he can protect people and maybe if he has someone who needs him then Yata can finally feel like he's found a place where he fits.

Then of course he's blindsided when Fushimi doesn't show any gratitude and it makes him reexamine his own motivations, like did he really want to save Fushimi or did he just want to look good, superficially, be thanked and praised. Yata also realizes what his 'friends' think of him at this point, that they've been mocking him all this time and of course Yata gets mad – as a straightforward kid who wears his heart on his sleeve Yata doesn't get why people would talk behind his back, he wants to be told upfront. But here he's thrown the same words, that he just wanted gratitude and praise, that he made the 'Yata Team' do what he wanted and play the games he wanted, and that they thought he'd get mad if they said anything. The notable thing with Yata here though is when he thinks about it he does get depressed, he feels like a bully and that truly is the last thing he wants. Yata can be overbearing but he's not a bad kid and he's really upset by this. And remember again, we're talking someone whose behavior previously made him popular (in the Unused Tickets comic Yata mentions that at his previous birthday a lot of classmates showed up, so basically Yata went from being part of a huge friend circle to being outside of it, at the same time that he's also started feeling on the outside in his own family). And even though Yata was the one who was badmouthed behind his back, having his 'friends' repeat Fushimi's words about needing gratitude is enough to make him start to examine his own actions at least a little, trying to figure out where he went wrong.

This is the point where he meets Fushimi and everything's great for a while, they become friends and Yata gets clearly attached to this person who he thinks is so amazing. Even with the two of them more in sync at this point though it's clear that there are still things Yata doesn't understand, particularly involving Fushimi's family. He's confused when Fushimi's parents aren't home while Fushimi's sick and he knows that Niki affects Fushimi in bad ways, as he tells Aya, though at the same time he still wonders if Fushimi should visit Niki while he's in the hospital. I think it's clear that Yata knows something is wrong with Fushimi's family – he sees how Fushimi is with Niki and the Mothers short story indicates that Yata did see Niki at least a few other times and that he saw Kisa even less. He also has the whole scene at Fushimi's house when Fushimi's sick, noting how things that everyone should understand, like being taken care of when you're sick, are things that Fushimi doesn't get at all.

I can see there being some argument there that Yata should have known Fushimi was being abused and should have done something but remember, Yata's still a middle schooler at this point and besides, what would he have done? Telling his mom to call Child Services probably wouldn't have gone well, particularly considering that Kisa's super rich and that Fushimi I think wouldn't want to admit that anything's happening there, and making a fuss about it could cause Fushimi to push Yata away. With the circumstances being what they are, Yata does the only thing he can think to do: he asks Fushimi to run away with him move in with him, so that Fushimi can have a 'home.' (And speaking of the Mothers story, a note of development: when Yata meets Kisa post-ROK, he decides not to tell Fushimi and not to force on him the idea of seeing his mother again, because Yata's realized that it's up to Fushimi to bridge that gap and if Fushimi doesn't want to see Kisa he shouldn't have to.)

So a couple points about that previous paragraph, and their relationship this far: first, obviously, there's the idea that the two of them are people who feel they don't fit in anywhere who find themselves fitting in together. However, their ideas really aren't as aligned as they think, even at this point when things are going relatively well: Fushimi is happy with just Yata, Yata is happy with Fushimi but as we see eventually he clearly wants to belong to a larger group. Yata doesn't understand Fushimi's worldview, but the same is true for Fushimi, who doesn't realize that Yata doesn't think the same as he does. Also note that Fushimi at this point tends to categorize Yata's words in terms of 0 or 100 points, basically the idea that if Yata pleases Fushimi it's good but if he doesn't it's bad, and allowing no room for anything in between. Fushimi's upbringing being what it is I think that's understandable – I feel like Fushimi at this point in particular is fundamentally selfish, because he's had to be to survive, he's had to focus on himself and protect himself because no one else will. So it's easier for him to put Yata in the box of the person that pleases him, the person who's here to call Fushimi 'amazing' with shining eyes and to prop up Fushimi's own rock bottom sense of self esteem, rather than admitting that Fushimi's really the one who's clinging to Yata all this time as his only good thing, the only one who's ever cared about him. Yata, for his part, is clearly hugely protective of Fushimi and does plenty of things for Fushimi's sake that may not be the best for Yata himself – when Fushimi decides he isn't going to high school Yata does the same, even though he has way less prospects than Fushimi does.

(An aside, here: despite Fushimi's apathy towards school, he still gets good marks on exams and is noted to have some talent, while Yata is called useless by his teacher and later by Aya. Aya even says that Fushimi's 'merit' drops being near Yata. Basically Yata is being told by all corners that he's no good, he's useless, he's stupid, that even if he didn't drop out he wouldn't be able to go any further than he already has. For him, dropping out has more meaning because he won't be able to become anything with just a middle school education. Even so, Yata does it for Fushimi, because Fushimi's his best friend and because Fushimi wants to take on the world, and Yata believes in him – and Fushimi, for all his 0 or 100 points, doesn't think Yata's useless, or stupid, or without merit.)

On Yata's end, there is probably some selfish desire in his closeness with Fushimi: Yata wants to protect people and in a similar way to how Fushimi feels he must be useful somehow or else he's worthless and easy to abandon, Yata needs to have someone to protect or he feels out of place like he did in his house. Once his mother remarried to Yata it's like he lost his place entirely in a variety of ways: he can't be the one who protects his mom, he's not fully blood related to his siblings, he doesn't have a team of friends who look up to him and follow him. But with Fushimi, Yata's got someone who needs him, a guy who can't take care of himself and needs someone to make sure he eats his meals and has a decent bed to sleep in. Of course there's true affection there as well-- Fushimi is Yata's partner, he's Yata's best friend, he's the guy who Yata truly believes can take on the whole world.

And I think Yata has changed by this point too, that even though he wants to have someone to protect he's not doing this just to get gratitude or to feel better about himself. He's doing it because fundamentally Yata wants to protect people he cares about and Fushimi at this point is the number one person for him (and here's already where the cracks start forming too, because for all Yata thinks Fushimi is amazing I think he's always seen them as partners, whereas Fushimi for his own protection tried to think of Yata as beneath him, as someone who followed him, because he can't trust in Yata's sincere affection for him as friend. There has to be a reason, there has to be something he can quantify so he knows Yata won't leave).

Then Homra happens and this is where I feel like Yata gets some undue shit from fandom because I've seen a lot of people claim that 'Yata ignored Fushimi in favor of Mikoto instead, Yata stopped caring about Fushimi and only cared about Homra, Yata made Fushimi leave, etc. etc.' The thing is, I don't think the text entirely bears this out. Side Red and LSW I think make it clear that it's not that Yata ignored Fushimi, it's that the parts of both of them that the other didn't really understand were exacerbated by joining Homra. Like I said above, Fushimi was happy just with Yata (from LSW: “Why do you want me to be understood by everyone when you yourself don’t? … If YOU understand me, I would be content”) and he assumed Yata felt the same. Yata, meanwhile, has always longed to be part of a group and he assumed that Fushimi, being the lonely kid whose walls are always up, must have felt the same (LSW, again: “You don’t want to keep being misunderstood like this, do you?”). Neither one understands the other. When they join Homra, Yata thinks that it's the most amazing place and that Mikoto is the most amazing hero, and he can't understand why anyone would think otherwise. Side Red:

    “I wonder if it’s the same for Saru-kun?”

    In response to that unexpected question, Yata blinked once or twice.

    “Eh?”

    “I wonder if Saru-kun, who felt the same way as you, is also letting himself be saved by us?”

    It was a question he’d never even thought of. It wasn’t something he had thought of, but he tried thinking about it and came up with a simple answer.

    “I dunno, but isn’t he?”

    Being beside Suoh, there wasn’t anyone who wouldn’t have their hearts moved and wouldn’t have their blood boil, Yata thought simply. Totsuka didn’t comment on Yata’s answer, just said ‘I see’, and then put on a face like he was looking somewhere distant again.

Clearly, this shows that Yata assumed that Fushimi was also being 'saved' by Homra, because he can't fathom anything else. On the one hand, here's Yata's flaws in glaring obviousness, he's so blinded by his own hero worship of Mikoto and his own needs that he doesn't realize at all what I think Totsuka is trying to hint to him here. On the other, it's not like Fushimi's doing himself any favors. In Side Red it's also noted by Yata that since he joined Homra he hasn't hung out with Fushimi as much anymore, just the two of them – but earlier in the novel when Yata and Kamamoto are watching over Honami and Anna Yata mentions that the orders were originally for himself and Fushimi, and Fushimi bailed. A mission for the two of them, where they could hang out together, and Fushimi was the one who turned away, likely because it was a Homra mission, and so on Homra's terms and not Fushimi's. But Yata doesn't know that because Fushimi never says so and Fushimi's a hard guy to understand, especially for a straightforward person like Yata. So to Yata this seems more like Fushimi blowing him off when they could have hung out than Fushimi being upset because he doesn't want Yata to look at anyone else with shining eyes, and there's really no way Yata could have known what the reason was when Fushimi won't even give him the smallest crumb of a hint.

We also know from LSW that as much as Yata loves Homra, Fushimi is still important to him even then. In LSW it's noted (emphasis mine) “The position as Homra’s vanguard he held together with Fushimi was Yata’s pride.” For Yata, it's not just that he's trusted by Homra, it's that Fushimi is there with him. Seriously, read this and tell me Yata 'stopped caring about Fushimi':

    They constantly had disputes with other groups and had a brush with death on countless occasions. In this one and a half year - as long as Fushimi was at his back, Yata was never afraid. He had not even once regretted that they had thrown themselves into this world. He didn’t think that these satisfying days were lacking anything.

He could feel the heat beneath his left collarbone. As if there was a second heart, throb, power was carried through his whole body with one big beat. If Fushimi was close he could even feel the power of the mark he had in the same spot.

Yata's pride isn't just Homra, it's Fushimi. And this is where their misunderstandings continue, because Fushimi assumes, all on his own, that Yata doesn't care about him anymore, because Yata's looking at someone else with shining eyes. Yata is not obligated to be Fushimi's self esteem crutch, he's allowed to be impressed by other people (and as is clear in the interlude I quoted above, Yata still thinks Fushimi's amazing in his own way). Yata wants Fushimi to be part of Homra, to make friends, and Fushimi doesn't like that because I think he assumes that if there are other people around why would Yata ever choose Fushimi – if Fushimi's not the most amazing, if Fushimi's not the one whose plans never fail, then Fushimi has nothing to offer and why would Yata ever choose him over all these other people. And I think in a way Fushimi almost makes this his own self-fulfilling prophecy: he never tells Yata what he's feeling or what's happening with him, so it seems like Yata doesn't care because Yata doesn't know. An example: in LSW when he sees Niki's 'ghost' in the window of his old house he almost tells Yata, and Yata misunderstands thinking Fushimi's talking about something that happened at Homra. Rather than correcting him or qualifying what he meant, Fushimi sinks back into silence and takes this to mean that because Yata didn't push him – when Yata has no way of knowing what was going on – this means Yata didn't care. Yata may not be listening as hard as he could be, but Fushimi isn't speaking loud enough to be heard anyway.

The betrayal is another point between them, when Fushimi actually leaves. First, obviously, Fushimi never 'betrayed' Homra – he is fully within his rights to leave a clan he didn't feel comfortable in, and Mikoto clearly never thinks of him as a traitor. Yata doesn't see this at all, but there are different reasons for it. First – Fushimi clearly frames all this as a betrayal. He doesn't say the real reason he's leaving, he doesn't approach Yata calmly and explain himself. He mocks Homra, mocks Mikoto, mocks all the things that he knows will make Yata angry, and then he burns his tattoo. To Fushimi, Yata's anger and look of betrayal here is all for Homra, that when Yata says 'did you forget this mark is our pride,' Yata means Homra. But the passage I quoted from LSW a bit ago reveals the misunderstanding: to Yata, that mark isn't Homra's pride, it's his and Fushimi's. To Yata, the Homra tattoo in the same place as Fushimi's symbolizes their bond as partners, that second heartbeat he can feel whenever Saruhiko's near.

And Fushimi burns it in front of his eyes.

So for Yata's feelings: yes, he's angry that Fushimi dared to leave Homra and Mikoto. Yata's always had that blindness, the same one Kusanagi notes in the Shrine Visit short story is common in Homra, that everyone tends to assume it's Homra vs the world, that you're one of us or you're an enemy. That blind hero worship is enough to make him think of Fushimi as an enemy just for leaving Homra...except it's pretty clear throughout the series that Yata doesn't actually feel that way (in fact if there's one weakness in Fushimi's arc I feel it's that we get a lot of how Yata feels about Fushimi but precious little concrete moments showing how Fushimi feels about Yata). Shortly after Fushimi leaves we have Yata talking to Totsuka and Yata's angry, he's upset...but:

He regretted it. Grabbing a pillow and pressing his face into it, clenching his teeth so much he cut his own mouth, even then he couldn’t stop regretting.

“I- if he’d say he changed his mind and wants to apologize and come back, then I’m going to apologize together with him to Mikoto-san. He isn’t the type to apologize by himself so I’ll make him apologize and if Mikoto-san’d say things won’t be settled unless he beats Saruhiko up then I’ll get beat up together with him.”

No one's here to give Yata gratitude for that. Fushimi can't hear Yata saying he would be beaten up for Fushimi's sake, because he can't let Fushimi get beaten alone. But Yata still says it, because he still can't abandon Fushimi. And yes, he still doesn't understand – he still thinks of things in terms of Fushimi coming back, not that Fushimi didn't belong in the first place – but Yata doesn't really hate Fushimi either, as much as he wishes he did. Nor does Yata ever stop trying to understand – in the Cellar chapter of Memory of Red he even asks Fushimi straight out why he left Homra. And even with Fushimi still a member of S4 Yata also clearly seems about to ask Fushimi if they can be friends again at the end of chapter, even though Yata still doesn't know why Fushimi's become this way. It's Fushimi who rebuffs him, who won't take anything less than total understanding, and who can't let himself have a 'half-hearted thing' – he can't trust that he has all Yata's affection, so he'll just have all Yata's hate instead.

Jumping ahead then to S1 and after, the first thing I feel should be said on Yata's behalf for anything that happens during the season and the aftermath: Totsuka fucking died in Yata's arms. This is important, because even though the series only lightly touches on Yata's trauma he is still very clearly traumatized by it and I think that informs a lot of Yata's actions in S1. And honestly if we're going to complain about Yata getting away with things in S1 we have to extend that to all of Homra because yes, they do make what from an objective viewpoint would be some rather poor decisions – in seeking revenge, and helping Mikoto seek revenge, they're basically risking a catastrophe that could kill hundreds of thousands of people if Mikoto's Sword falls.

Now whether anyone in Homra aside from Kusanagi and Anna really understands this is debatable, personally I really don't think Yata does. He even says himself in Countdown that he never thought about what Mikoto was thinking and that he never really understood Mikoto. Yata's giving his best in this space though, even as Kamamoto notes that he hasn't been eating or sleeping well, because Yata is determined to avenge the death of a precious friend who died in his arms. That this feeling could have negative consequences isn't really his to think about and that it puts him on opposite sides from Fushimi isn't a consideration either because they're already on opposite sides (and even so, Yata does try to rein in his temper when he meets Fushimi at Ashinaka in episode 5. It's Fushimi who clearly initiates that fight and who goads Yata into it, because he still needs Misaki's eyes on him, he needs Misaki's hate, and he doesn't want to deal with a Yata who puts things like Mikoto's wishes over hating and fighting Fushimi).

Then Mikoto dies and this is another point where I think Yata gets some undeserved flack, for the way he acts in the aftermath. So keep in mind Yata has just lost two people who are very important to him (as have Kusanagi and Anna and all the others, and that's why I personally give them all some leeway in their respective reactions at this point because you can't always control grief). Yata's also lost the place he belongs – to Yata, Homra was the thing he always wished for, a space where he really fits, where he's one of the group and not that kid on the outside. Even when Fushimi is gone, Homra is Yata's rock. When Mikoto dies I think part of Yata knows that Homra's not going to be the same and that it's likely to break apart but he doesn't want to believe it, doesn't want to see his precious place crumble, and so he reacts poorly when Kusanagi says he's closing the bar down.

Obviously Yata's not considering Kusanagi's feelings in this, and he's running a little roughshod over everyone else, trying to keep the mood up by suggesting a trip to the sea even though it's clear that no one is interested. It's like he's regressed a little to the middle school kid with the Yata Team, deciding what they should do for them, but in this case it's not because he wants to be someone looked up to but more that he's trying to hold onto his past because the idea of a future without Homra scares him. Again, Yata's someone who is pretty constantly told he's an idiot and has no other prospects (and he's internalized that too, in Countdown 1 he even says right out “Because I'm stupid I fail even though I give my best”). I think even though Yata hasn't got the same level of issues that Fushimi does he's still someone who feels like maybe he can't belong anywhere – he wants to try, which Fushimi doesn't because Fushimi assumes he'll fail which I think is where their difference lies – and I think for him seeing Homra crack is like suddenly not belonging anywhere at all, like when the Yata Team told him they didn't like him, except this time there's no Fushimi there by his side (and it is notable that while Kamamoto, good guy that he is, tries to cheer Yata up and be there for him Kamamoto's also busy with his own stuff and that really leaves Yata as the only 'main' member of Homra with no partner to help him get through this. The Homra alphabet pairs have each other, Kamamoto's taking care of Anna, but Yata has no one because his 'person' left long ago).

This sends Yata into a pretty long period of depression, which we see in MK and throughout the pre-MK side materials. Obviously Yata's not the only one hurting (Anna and Kusanagi have a lot of pain too, though most of Kusanagi's is offscreen), but I don't think it's fair to fault him for being selfish in his own pain. Yata sits at the bar and stares at old videos of when everyone was happy and for him this is just the lowest point, where he feels like he has nobody who cares and no place to belong. It's indicated that Kamamoto has tried a little to keep an eye on Yata and he does try to call Yata in MK when Anna's in danger (and is ignored), but I think it's understandable that Yata would feel so down and abandoned. He says in Countdown that he hates when people leave him without explaining themselves, the scars of Fushimi's betrayal still strongly there, and I think it's understandable at this point that he feels as if he's been left by everyone.

(Though also worth noting: even though Yata was so angry at Fushimi, in the LSW novel epilogue the one thing that Yata has to cling to, that he doesn't have to regret, is that Fushimi is still alive. “That guy was alive. They would collide again endless times after this, let out anger and questions, and they could try to talk.” Yata can't speak to Totsuka or Mikoto anymore to find out what they were thinking or why they chose the paths they did, but he can still one day reach out to Fushimi and that's important to him.)

And then in MK when he hears that Anna's in trouble Yata does pull himself out of his funk and goes to help her. Even if he doesn't answer his phone for Kamamoto right away due his depression and the general lethargy brought out by it, now that he's needed, now that there's someone who needs protecting, Yata's up and ready. It isn't because he wants gratitude, it's not because he wants to be a hero, it's because Anna's in danger and he cares about her. Yata also swallows his pride and calls Fushimi for help and I think it's clear that this isn't Yata just using Fushimi when it's convenient or anything like that. Yata initially is against calling Fushimi when Kamamoto suggests it because Yata has all this resentment and anger still built up about the betrayal, but even so he knows that Kamamoto's right that Fushimi might be the only person who can help them and so he makes the call. Fushimi of course mocks him for it (I wrote a bit about the call in general here way back), probably feeling like Yata's only calling him because now Fushimi's needed, but that isn't really the case and even if it was, this is still something Fushimi broke himself.

When we get to the back half of MK I think Yata shows a lot of growth actually – even though he does rush in like an idiot, because rushing in is really all Yata knows how to do, he still doesn't completely blow off help from the Silvers, not treating this like a 'you're in Homra or you're against Homra' situation like he might once have. He also clearly tries to thank Fushimi for his help after everything's gone down, which to me shows some definite growth again on Yata's part – Fushimi is still unable to accept that gratitude, but Yata tries. And he keeps trying even into ROK, where his first non-flashback scene with Fushimi is once again Yata trying to thank Fushimi for his help and I think at this point Yata really doesn't want to treat Fushimi like an enemy anymore. Countdown 1 gives us a lot of character growth for Yata, where he really recognizes that he's never quite understood the people he loves and where he makes the decision not to make that mistake again. He wants to support Anna, so he asks her what she wants from him instead of assuming. He wants to understand Fushimi, so he tries to find a way to mend fences (and then Fushimi hits all the buttons he know will hurt in order to make Yata lose his temper again, because Fushimi is nothing if not a master of sabotaging his own happiness).

Continuing from there too, we see a lot of growth in Yata's mindset and his way of dealing with Fushimi and with other clans from this point out. Where Fushimi is clearly displeased about the alliance from the beginning, Yata seems to accept it fairly quickly and he appears to be on pretty good terms with the Silvers, treating them as Anna's friends rather than outsiders who aren't part of Homra – he's graduated from the narrow viewpoint that Kusanagi describes in the Shrine Visit story, he's willing to see people now as more than with us or against us. And even though he may not like Munakata Yata is very clearly trying to understand why Fushimi does – during the Mihashira attack we see him wondering why someone would follow a person like the Blue King and it's blindingly obvious that he's meaning Fushimi here. Yata is trying to understand, because he clearly has decided he wants to fix what's broken between him and Fushimi. Saying Yata 'gets away with a lot' or 'doesn't deserve Fushimi' seems particularly unfair to me in this context, especially seeing as Fushimi shows no real signs of trying to understand Yata at all. Fushimi's still trapped in his own little mess of issues and the closest he lets himself open up is to tell Yata to come and chase him right before the fake betrayal, which is a fairly obtuse way of putting it (and yes you could argue that Munakata understands Fushimi a bit more than Yata does, but I don’t think ‘less perceptive than Munakata Reisi’ is grounds for saying a person doesn’t ‘deserve’ someone else).

Of course for all that Yata does still come to save Fushimi, and I think his reaction to Fushimi's 'second betrayal' shows a lot of how he's grown too. First we do know from the short story 'The Eldest Son and His Mate' that Yata keeps trying to call Fushimi even though he's angry that Fushimi 'betrayed' his clan for a second time. Yata's still a bit immature here, still thinking of it as betrayal, but then when he talks to his mother and she mentions that “My son isn’t somebody who gets wrong what he should do for his best friend” Yata decides to reach out one more time, to search one more place. He's angry, but he also wants to find Fushimi, to ask him why, to understand him. Yata's not looking for Fushimi just to beat him up, he's grown from that.

And even though Yata thinks he's an idiot, even though he gets so many things wrong, in the end Yata comes to a conclusion even Fushimi couldn't manage: “To you, the Blue King was your King all along.” Yata's the one who tells Fushimi that he isn't a traitor, when prior to this Yata was always more than happy to yell that word back at him – because Fushimi wanted him to, because Fushimi wanted to paint himself in those colors. Yata has no way of knowing the real reason why Fushimi broke off their friendship the way he did – Yata doesn't know about the anthill, after all, and there's no way he could – but he tells Fushimi straight out: “Say it in a way I understand. Keep saying it until I do understand.” He's not saying that all the onus is on Fushimi to communicate in their relationship, because Yata himself always communicates everything he feels loudly. What he's saying is that Fushimi can't keep hiding all his emotions and pain and forcing them down into nothing, and then feel upset when Yata doesn't read his mind. It's like with the hallucinations in LSW, when Fushimi finally leaves Homra. He tries to tell Yata only once about anything related to them (the bit I mentioned earlier, where he sees 'Niki' in the house), and clams up as soon as he's misunderstood. Fushimi doesn't say anything and Yata knows it, and he's putting it to Fushimi plain: I want to understand, so don't stop talking until I do. Don't give up on me. Don't carry it all alone.

So basically with all this above, I find it really strange for someone to say that Yata 'gets away with things' or that he 'has no depth.' The after story with him and Fushimi also makes this clear:

'Homra might not be able to exist the way it was now. When Suoh had died Yata was the the only one who couldn’t accept that until the end. He resented his comrades for leaving the bar and labeled them as coldhearted. He had stubbornly persisted to protect Homra and the bar the way it had been when Suoh was around. Now he understood that Homra was changing its form from a ‘street gang’, also for Anna’s sake. They had to change to be able to properly deliver to the future what the now deceased had treasured. And because of that there was no guarantee that all the comrades who respected Suoh wouldn’t walk down a different path now.

When Yata had accepted that, and even though it was strange, the day where he could walk side by side with his once lost best friend had come at the end of the way he had started to move on.'

I don't think you could see that as anything but Yata acknowledging his own faults, acknowledging that he can't hold onto the past forever and that trying to do so was wrong, while also expressing a desire to move forward, and a happiness that he can do so with Fushimi back by his side. Yata worked fucking hard to get Fushimi back. He grew, he changed, he questioned his old outlook on things, he did his best to understand something that he really never would have been able to understand entirely by himself. From the Mothers short story: 'Trying to understand Fushimi based on his own assumption was not the way to go. Because he assumed this way back then, they had missed one another for so many years. Guess that guy would still need some time.'

Yata's been through some shit and he lost a friend, and he matured and worked to win that friend back. He's got plenty of depth to spare for a guy who thinks he's an idiot (yet still can make insightful comments on his own, who still does understand Fushimi a lot more than I think Fushimi himself realized despite what happened between them) and he definitely doesn't 'get away' with anything, especially when by contrast we never see Fushimi so much as apologize for his part in the betrayal (and while Fushimi has all his myriad of issues and mental and emotional struggles that make forgiveness possible, it doesn't give him carte blanche for everything he did to Yata either, that's not how a relationship works. I love Fushimi, but he owes Yata a damn apology). I think the reason the two of them do deserve each other is because they've both gone through the fire together, broken apart, and still found their way back together. They're both reaching for an understanding, even if it's hard to grasp, and there's no shame in a few missteps along the way.

[gwilyoubemine]

Having an argument with your boyfriend Gwilym and then Brian (being the father figure he is) comforting you as he heard, Brian then telling Gwilym to make up with you and everyone living happily ever after :)

i loved this a lot. i have an presentation exam tomorrow and here i am at 1am (nearly 2am oooops) doing this. what we can gather from this is that ayse is very silly. i hope you enjoy this! it’s a tad long.

going to the pub for the night was gwilym’s idea. you found a decent spot right at the back, an empty booth- which was a score on a busy friday night. you spent the first hour drinking and laughing over random nonsense. you talked about your day, argued over which movie you would watch later. you settled on a 80s movie and gwil was adamant on watching back to the future. you, on the other hand, wanted to watch the breakfast club. and after an intense debate concerning which movie was the ultimate choice, you both ended up chuckling over how silly it was to debate over such a thing. you decided that you would watch both movies and gwil gave you a kiss to seal the deal, mumbling an ’it’s a date then’ whilst flashing you his signature smile.

gwil also proposed that you both take a trip to the countryside at the weekend. and the thought of spending some quiet time with gwilym had you grinning in excitement instantly. long car rides, expanses of grass and trees, lakes that you could sit by. you gushed about how brilliant the idea was and teased that you would be in control of the music during the car ride because of the questionable songs he often played. he gave you a look of mock hurt and kicked your leg playfully under the table. “i caught you listening to my spotify playlist last week and i saw you dancing along!”

when gwilym had to leave to take a phone call, you hadn’t expected company. shortly after gwilym left, a man appeared at your table. he had blonde hair that fell into his eyes and a smile that was all teeth. “can i sit here?”

“i’m waiting for someone actually.” you told him, offering him an apologetic smile.

nevertheless, the man took a seat opposite you and you raised a brow at him, a gesture he seemed to take no notice of. at this point, you found it hard to ignore the alarm bells going off in your head, what would gwilym say when he got back?

“what if i offer to buy you a drink?” the stranger asked, his lips stretched into that big smile again. “you can’t possibly say no to one drink.”

“i think i could.’ you said, folding your arms over your chest. "and i also think you should be leaving.”

“you want me gone so soon?” he asked, feigning hurt. “can i not sit down next to a pretty woman and offer her a drink? there’s no crime in that.”

“maybe if that same woman is waiting for someone else and has already stated that clearly.” you mumbled, trying hard to control the annoyance bubbling up inside of you.

“i think you’re just saying that in an attempt to make me leave” he probably thought he was coming across as charming but you were honestly a few seconds away from storming off and finding gwilym. the phone call must have been a serious one for it to last that long- work perhaps, or maybe a family issue.

“c'mon, entertain me for a little while.” he leaned closer to you and you found yourself freezing, unable to pull away. his strong cologne quickly filled your senses. “the whole uninterested act isn’t fooling me.”

“can i help you?” an angry voice suddenly questioned from above you, just as the stranger’s hand had settled against your hair. the intensity behind gwil’s words had you sitting as far back in your seat as possible, your cheeks burning with embarrassment.

the man opposite you looked up at your boyfriend with wide eyes, clearly unable to come up with anything to say. “i was just offering to buy her a drink, man. no harm done.” he said after being prompted by gwilym to answer him.

“well, she doesn’t need a drink from you.” gwilym practically growled out, his eyes burning holes into the other man’s face. it was almost as if he was daring him to stay in that seat for any longer. “if i were you, mate, i would get the fuck out of here.”

the man scrambled away with a quiet “talk about possessive’, leaving you and gwilym in silence. the noise coming from the rowdy table nearby felt so much louder all of a sudden.

and that was probably the time for you to say something. to at least look at him. instead you kept your eyes planted on the table in front of you for what felt like an eternity, unable to meet his eyes.

"we’re leaving.” he said eventually, his voice tight. you glanced up at him to see that his jaw was locked and that the same look of anger was still plastered across his face. you were used to his features looking so gentle and kind. soft eyes that followed you around in admiration, an angelic smile that made you ache with the want to kiss his lips.

“gwil, can we talk about this?” you choked out, quickly fixing your bag over your shoulder.

gwilym looked away from you and mumbled something about not being in the mood. the walk back to his car was silent, and the absence of conversion only resulted in your thoughts circling at what felt like 100mph.

gwil kept his eyes firmly on the road and made no effort to talk during the ride home. he didn’t even connect his phone to the speakers to play his music. you found yourself missing his questionable song choices. missing the conversation you would usually engage in when driving home.

“gwilym.” you started, his name sounding a little shaky. “there’s really no reason to be mad. he was just a random man who appeared in front of me and i told him i was waiting for someone. he was just really persistent!”

gwilym sighed, his hands curling around the steering wheel more tightly. “so i’m not allowed to be angry? is that it?”

“no, i-”

“did you even register how close that man was to you, y/n? he was inches from your face. and his hand was going straight for your hair.” gwilym took a breath to calm himself. “why didn’t you move away from him? or at least tell him you had a boyfriend.”

“i just froze, okay…i don’t know what happened… and i told him to leave. maybe i could have been firmer but regardless of that, i still don’t see why you’re so angry with me.”

“can’t you just accept that i am pissed off right now? why does this have to be about you and how you feel like i shouldn’t be angry.” he snaped, moving his eyes from the road for a second to look at you. you stared back at him in shock, your stomach dropping. gwilym rarely ever acted this way. the expression on his face and the tone of his voice made you feel sick. “i don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

that night was awful. you both got ready for bed without exchanging a single word, and the sick feeling in your stomach only got worse as time ticked by. you sat on the bed with your legs pulled to your chest and thought about all the ways to start conversation back up. maybe gwilym was right, maybe you just needed to accept he was angry. you certainly would have been fuming if you saw a random woman all up in gwilym’s face.

gwilym emerged from the bathroom in nothing but his boxers. the navy ones you bought him last christmas. the sight only made your heart clench more painfully. his boxers clung to his ass in the most sinful way. he always looked good like this, with his broad chest and thick thighs on display. and your eyes were always hungry to take in as much as possible. on any other night, you would have wrapped your arms around his neck and whispered against his lips how hot he looked. and he would have grinned in an amused manner, cocking an eyebrow as his hands settled on your hips, murmuring out a “oh, do i, love?”

but there was none of that tonight. gwilym kept his eyes on the floor as he made his way over to the bed, clearly unhappy with how the night had played out. he crawled under the covers and you joined him shortly, painfully aware of the tension between you both. and with a barely audible “goodnight” he turned onto his side and closed his eyes. it seemed like forever until you got to sleep.

                            ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

the next morning, gwilym was no where to be seen. he had left early in the morning, and with no note telling you where he had gone. you ate your breakfast alone, wondering where gwil was and mulling over how badly last night turned out. you had never seen him so frustrated.

when the door bell rung around noon, you had no clue as to who had come by to pay you a visit. brian may’s concerned face was not what you expected when you finally got up to open the door.

“brian?” the shock was evident in your voice.

“hello y/n, can i come in?” he asked and you were quick to usher him inside, asking if he wanted a cup of tea. he declined with a polite smile and took a seat beside you on your sofa. his hair seemed curlier than ever, an endearingly chaotic mess of ringlets.

“to what do i owe this lovely surprise visit?” you questioned, folding your arms over your chest. you shot him a small smile. “or did you just want to say hello to me?”

“it’s always nice checking in on you, love, but there is a reason for my visit.” he settled his hands on his knees, his expression more serious now. “gwilym popped by a little earlier to discuss some things, just about the bohemian rhapsody special coming up in july. but with that aside, he looked quite upset. looked like he had lost some sleep to terribly honest with you.”

you stayed silent as brian continued. he obviously knew gwilym’s bad mood had something to do with you. “i’ve never seen the boy look so bloody upset. he didn’t want to talk about it but i got it out of him in the end. i heard you had somewhat of an argument last night.”

you sighed quietly, lifting your eyes to meet brian’s. “yes.” you exhaled, not bothering to hide how down you felt about the whole matter. “it was so stupid, just over some irrelevant guy at the pub. nothing even happened but gwilym was still so angry.”

“it happens to all of us.” brian murmured softly, wrapping an arm around you to give you a friendly squeeze. “y/n, i don’t know exactly what happened between the pair of you last night but i know gwilym, i reckon he was just feeling hurt about the whole thing. you know he gets jealous, love.”

“i know, i know. it just sucks when we’re not talking. it’s the worst feeling when i know gwilym is mad, especially when it’s to do with me.”

“that is completely understandable. i had a little talk with him that seemed to make him feel a bit better, i think i knocked some sense into him. he went to run some errands but i’m sure he will be back soon. i just came by to check if you were okay.”

“that is so sweet of you, brian. and i’m sure i’ll be fine soon. i just hope gwilym feels better.”

“he’ll be fine too, you two are strong. you’ll be back to being all cuddly and lovely before you know it, trust me on that one. and with that being said, i should be off. m'taking anita out for lunch so i can’t be late for that.”

you gave him a tight hug and showed him to the door. “thank you again, brian. i hope you have a lovely time with anita.” he flashed you his signature smile and gave your arm a squeeze. “anytime, love.”

thanks to brian, you already felt better about the whole situation with gwilym. you were ready to put it behind you. and when the door bell rang an hour later, you strode over to it with confidence, preparing yourself for facing gwil and apologising if need be.

as soon as you opened the door, a bouquet of flowers was being thrust into your hands. gwilym’s hands were on your cheeks within seconds, his lips capturing yours in a longing kiss. “m'sorry for being an jealous idiot.” he panted against your lips, the pads of his thumbs caressing your cheeks. you were still clutching onto the flowers. you looked down and saw that they were carnations, a mixture of pink and white.

you placed the flowers down next to you on the floor and reached for gwilym, your arms circling around his frame. “it’s okay. i’m sorry for not telling that guy to get lost.”

“no, you handled the situation fine, love. it just angered me to see another man so close to you.” he murmured, his gaze fixated on your face. “just seeing him flirting with you as i walked back over to our table had my blood boiling. i really handled the situation badly, i shouldn’t have been mad at you.”

“i understand, i would have gotten jealous too. let’s just move on from this, okay? that man was not worth the trouble.”

“sounds great. i love you.” gwilym murmured, his hand moving to tuck a piece of stray hair behind your ear. he pressed a chaste kiss to your lips as you drew him closer, your lips chasing his.

“i love you too, gwil.”

after a few minutes of non-stop kissing, gwilym pulled back to mutter something against your mouth.

“brian was here, wasn’t he?”

“yep.”

[psycho-slytherin]

Strangers  ch. 2

Your friendship with Agust is off to an interesting start, and he invites you to lunch.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count: 1.6k

Genre: Fluff

<––Prev   Next––>

|mlist|

“Fame, flashlight– gi-give it to me!”

You’re jarred awake by your morning alarm yelling at you from across the room. You flail your arms pathetically in an attempt to utilize your hitherto unrecognized power of telekinesis, and when that doesn’t work, you force yourself to get up and turn it off. Once you do, a series of texts greet you from your lock screen.

Unknown number: Did you manage to get any sleep?

Unknown number: You really have to be careful about walking around so late.

Unknown number: It’s Agust btw

It really wasn’t a dream. Min Yoongi texted you.

“EEEEEK!” you shriek excitedly, clutching your phone to your chest. Perfect timing: It vibrates again and you stare at the screen to see a text from Lisa.

Hello?? I’m waiting!

It’s only then that you notice the time.

“Oh, fu–” you scramble to get dressed and yank a brush through your hair. In no time you’re sitting shotgun in Lisa’s car as she pulls out of her parking spot.

“Girl, you’re late! How are we gonna take Hollywood by storm if you’re late all the damn time?” Lisa says teasingly.

“I’ve been tired,” you say defensively. “I’m taking whatever shifts I can get. Seoul is expensive.”

“Worth it, though, right?” Lisa punches you in the arm. “Top school for performing arts in the country. Woot!”

You laugh. Your friend’s energy is infectious.

“Hey, put on some music!” Lisa hands you the AUX cord and you plug in your phone.

Cypher 4 starts playing, but just as Lisa prepares to yell “Sorry, bae!” you hit shuffle on your American pop playlist.

“Aw, what?” Lisa pouts at you.

You shake your head. “Sorry, bae. Not in the mood.”

“Not in the mood for a Cypher? Are you sick or something?” Lisa looks at you with mock concern as you arrive at Seoul University of the Preforming Arts. You stick your tongue out at her, waving as she heads to the other side of campus and you make your way to Improv.

“Okay, guys, we’re gonna do this in groups of three,” your improv teacher says as class begins. “Each group gets ten minutes to show us a beginning, middle and end.”

Your teacher has already written out the order of performances. Just your luck, you’re in the last group. You settle down in the back row and pull out your phone. Your finger hovers over Yoongi’s texts from earlier. Should you text him? He did say he wanted to be friends.

A shiver runs down your spine. You have the ability to simply text Min Yoongi. Whenever you feel like it, you can just… text him. A member of one of the biggest names in K-pop and you can contact him.

You draw up your courage and send him a text. Almost immediately you see a response.

You smile uncontrollably as you stare at the screen. Savage Suga, the master of sarcasm, sassed you. And he was damn good. You could already tell he was the kind of guy you’d love to befriend, if only for his scathing commentary.

“Last group, come on up.”

You tear your eyes from his words with some difficulty and make your way to the front of the room. You’re soon joined by Jisoo and Kai.

All eyes are on your trio as your professor waves her hand. “Go.”

Immediately Kai grabs Jisoo’s hand and marches over to you. “You’re the dean of admissions, right?”

You nod. Where’s he going with this?

“My daughter is the top scorer in the country, but you didn’t admit her into any of the SKY universities.”

You stick out your chin, thinking fast. “Well, we decided to raise our standards. From now on, only students that have the top scores in the universe will be admitted.” you shake your head sadly.

“There are some Martians that are outscoring her.”

“What?” Jisoo gasps dramatically, clutching her heart. “B-but I have magical powers!”

Interesting take… okay.

“Hm.. how are you scoring on the national magic-power exam?” You shuffle some imaginary papers. “It says here you’re ranked number three. We couldn’t possibly admit you anywhere with so low a score.”

“But she’s famous!” Kai says desperately.

You stop your shuffling of papers. “She is?”

“Yes!” Jisoo cries, gesturing grandly. “I’m the secret eighth member of Bangtan Sonyeondan!”

Your jaw drops. Instead of taking it in stride, you can only stare.

Kai, seeing that you aren’t responding, takes initiative.

“Right! She’s actually the main vocalist, only no one knows.” He lowers his voice conspiratorially. “Not even the other members.”

You give yourself a little shake and dive back in. “Well, that makes perfect sense. In that case…” You pretend to write something down.

“Congratulations, you’ve been accepted to all three universities! We could never turn away a member of BTS.” You shake an elated Jisoo’s hand as your professor calls scene.

The three of you bow while the class applauds. You rush back to your seat and grab for your phone to see a new text.

Yoongi wants to have lunch. You’re going to have lunch with him. Forget lying, this is worth all the guilt in the world. But how on earth is he going to go out to eat with you? Surely the paparazzi and screaming ARMYs are deterrents to him ever leaving his studio.

However, there’s no way you’ll look this gift horse in the mouth. Lunch with Yoongi… it’s almost like a date.

No, no. You scold yourself at the thought. Friends, nothing more. A relationship built on lies is destined to fail.

Not that you haven’t imagined such a relationship countless times, discussing every minor detail with your fellow ARMYs, reading whatever fanfiction you can find…

You’re the luckiest girl in the world to even befriend him. You can’t allow yourself to develop real feelings for him– You know from firsthand experience that the best of friendships can be ruined when anything more is introduced.

You spend the rest of improv watching the clock impatiently. As soon as class is dismissed, you dash towards the bus stop. You can’t ask Lisa for a ride; she’ll freak out if you tell her who you’re meeting.

You drum your fingers on your knee as the bus makes its way closer to the restaurant that Yoongi had specified.

You get off the bus a few blocks away from the address and you spend several minutes inwardly freaking out as you walk closer, feeling simultaneously euphoric and terrified.

CLOSED

That’s the word that greets you, painted on a sign hanging at the door of the restaurant. You check again to make sure it really is the same address.

It is. Is this a prank? You whirl around, searching for a hidden camera. Surely it it’s a joke, or a challenge: Make an ARMY look like a lost puppy, maybe? If so, it’s a success.

You sigh. You should’ve known. This sort of thing would never happen to you.

You’re beginning to trudge back to the bus stop when you hear a door open behind you.

“What’s your name?” a gruff voice calls.

You turn around to see a tall man in a suit and dark glasses.

“W-why do you care?”

The man shakes his head. “Please answer me.”

“It’s  y/l/n y/n,” you huff. “Don’t stalk me.”

The man holds open the door to the restaurant. “Sorry, just checking your identity. It’s her,” he calls inside before nodding to the open door. “Go ahead.”

“Um…” you follow his direction cautiously. The interior is decorated comfortably, fairy lights strung from wall to wall.

“Y/n.” You hear the scrape of a chair behind you, and when you turn around your heart nearly stops.

He’s really there. There’s no mistaking his gummy smile or mesmerizing gaze.

He’s wearing glasses and no makeup, and the perfect imperfection of the scene threatens to overwhelm you.

“It’s good to see you with proper lighting,” you manage as you feel your cheeks flush.

Yoongi smirks. “I could say the same.”

You silently offer your thanks to whatever led you to take acting; the skills you’ve developed for the stage are the only things keeping you from exploding as you seat yourself across from Yoongi.

“Sorry about all the fuss,” he says, waving at the door. “I, uh… didn’t want to deal with things.”

“How specific.” You lean backwards in your chair. “You’re such an enigma, Agust. It’s not even a little bit fair that I know nothing about you.”

The lie tastes bitter on your tongue; of course you know everything about him. His birthdate, family members, childhood, preferences– but it wouldn’t be fair to use any information that he hasn’t trusted you with. Damn your righteousness.

“Oh, but this is fun,” Yoongi says teasingly. “I like having an advantage.”

“That implies you don’t get advantages too often.” You gaze at him with mock pity. “That must be tough.”

Yoongi’s eyes widen at your snark and you die a little inside because he’s just so beautiful…

Nope, nope. “You said lunch, right? Let’s eat.” you look around for a menu or a waiter, but see nothing.

“I ordered ahead, hope you don’t mind,” Yoongi says.

“How do you know I’ll like it?” you cross your arms, in disbelief at how nonchalant you’re acting.

“Lucky guess?” Yoongi says with a chuckle. “Tell you what. If you really don’t like it, I’ll answer one question about myself.”

“Perfect.” You’re an actress; it’ll be easy to pretend you hate whatever meal you get.

“But!” Yoongi holds up a finger. “If you do like it, then you owe me a favor.”

“Of course,” you agree readily. Besides, what on earth would he need from you that his vast talent and resources couldn’t provide?

A/N: Thanks for reading! I’m having a lot of fun with this premise, and I hope you guys are too :)

[shystoryrebel]

Assignment is Half Complete

‘Hey Tahira ! I want to show you something. Where are you?’

‘Reaching to you in five minutes at Vishvavidyalaya metro station.’ She replied back.

‘Why? Are you planning for an outing?’

‘Ask, where WE are going, not where I am going. We are going to Shipra Mall, Ghaziabad and after that to the flat of Samir. I want you to be with me.’ I retorted angrily.

‘OK, fine, I am coming.’ And she cut the phone.

Within ten minutes Tahira seen coming out of the metro station. Fresh and Smiling.

‘To the flat of Samir?’ She asked me as I got into the car.

‘Yeah! We will just be there. We will complete the assignment.’ I said. It was strange to see Tahira behaving like a classic, girlfriend. She always tries to make me believe that she was unusually the one special Muslim girl, cannot allow anybody to touch her, unless the guy is ready to marry her. But what she didn’t know was that that the metropolitan guys of Delhi didn’t mind even to lick her butts to get her.

‘Assignments? I thought all your assignments were done with me on my place. She mocked.

Shut up you sweet bitch. I could not complete my assignments as you kept on fiddling me to quench your thirst. I know your drives and bendy morals. I love you and your tough morals. I was too kind and soft a friend to sleep with you when your dam morals permit.

She remained silent and didn’t exchange any word for the next few minutes.

‘You wanted me to be kind to you and show something to de-stress you.’ She said pointedly.

I twisted my face.

But I like her. She was very decent and graceful. Her parents were very hard-working and religious person. Her father spent long hours in his meat shop and the part time work at home after shop, meant every penny matters to Tahira. They give excellent ‘Sanskars’to their daughter.

‘Did you see my new ‘Gucci’ bag?’ Mom and dad gave me, the special gift they had promised me if I get 75% in exams.’

I drove on very coolly; I was not talking about anything else other than my very precious asset sitting by my side. She was pretty excited by the time we reached Shipra Mall Ghaziabd.

Shipra Mall is the most popular hand out in Delhi and NCR where an average income boy can take his BFF for enjoying happy moments. She was looking paragon of beauty in her lehengaand top. Her shining body, curvy hips, fleshy thighs, stilettos, sharp breasts, side brushed hairstyle et. Al., all were making stunning but very graceful.

A flat near Shipra Mall means upwards of one crore, but for Samir it was a minor amount. He had two or may be more, one where he lives with his parents and the other this one where he frequently visits with his friends and girl friends.

We finally reached the flat after taking a round of Shipra Mall and having some light refreshments at McD. Girls like Tahira have a sense of discomfort even in the safest hideout from the world. Bloody conservative kasba girl turned metro sex bomb.

‘Where is Samir?’ Asked Tahira.

‘He is coming after some time. He is doing some work at home but looking forward to meeting you.

‘Who? Me?’ She was taken by surprise.

‘Yes’ I said as she flicked out her expensive ‘Prada’ sun glasses and put them in the designer case. Perfect. The show was complete. No, it wasn’t. Next she took out much more expensive perfume ‘CK Eternity’ and sprayed. Bloody show off but mind in dark ages.

‘And why he wants to meet me?’ She asked again.

‘Why are you behaving in such a manner? I am not a guy who can hook up with any girl.’ I said. Such suspicion only spoils relationships and ensures failures…Tahira had been to rehab for her addictions and depressions but that was more than almost two years back. This is how Samir had first described Tahira but I always dream and imagine Tahira as lehenga-choli attired rock chic with eyes piercing every visible and non-visible part of her body. Such a beauty is enough to vibrate my entire existence.

‘Leave that discussion.’ ‘Sweetheart, how absolutely ravishing you look! Such beautiful colour, such an attractive body, ripples with sexy muscle!’

‘Ritik, I want to go to washroom’ said Tahira.

In India safe and clean loo is big problem but people are more worried about dal, onion, free electricity, water and other freebies. Bloody beggar mentality. Great socialism. She went inside the washroom to check whether she can use the loo without having to balance on a dirty floor.

She handed me over her fragranced stroll and hand bag. I can’t express the sensuous pleasure I got with her stroll and hand bag in my hand. I smelled the stroll many times before Tahira came with twisted mouth.

‘It is a tension in India to relieve in a loo’. Said Tahira, with a heavy sigh.

Entering the flat I hugged her tightly (feeling Tahira’s breasts) ‘A very nice pair you’ve got here, a wee glimpse of Helen’s two wee apples!’

Her touch in itself was enough to drive me in a state of erection. I tried to hide it but she noticed. A man! Man in me was ready to blast which drove me half mad…mystic power of the long hard road!

I had a good life in the college, not caring about etiquette or tidiness or washing, rich in bees and sheep and olive. And then I meet this kasba Muslim girl, the daughter of a conservative Muslim businessman from Aligarh.

‘Here she stands, Tahira’ I muttered to myself.

I had glimpsed at her for a few seconds for sure, my heart was jumping. Or maybe it had just stopped beating completely. I was choking. She created a weird pulsation in my bowels. I felt the blood flash down to the ends of my arteries and veins and then ready to burst out. I could sense my brain imploding. I was going to die or burst. Impossible to control!

Tahira was breathtakingly beautiful. Realistically beautiful is more apt for a decent and graceful girl like Tahira. All the things that I used to imagine or dream for a girlfriend had just come true. She was a dream. You can’t even dream of something so perfect. Even plastic surgeons can’t create such a mesmerizing Indian beauty. Her beauty was hard to describe. Her black eyes always cry for love.

I was driven mad by the mystic power of great Aphrodite!

‘Tahira won’t you at least lie down with me on the sofa? it’s been such a long time!’ I coaxed her.

‘Oh no – Mind you, but I’m not saying I don’t love you…Before marriage can’t!’ Said Tahira.

‘You please, you love me? Why won’t you then? I persisted.

‘What, you love cheat? I may be mother before marriage.’ Said she.

‘No – Tahira, this is very safe place. All right, I won’t do anything. Come out of the shell. Let’s lie down. I pleaded.

‘Don’t be silly Ritik. We can’t do this here and now.’ Said stubborn Tahira.

‘There is nothing wrong if we make love here.’ I reasoned.

But I know marriage with Tahira was very difficult, if not impossible. Although she succeeded in persuading her very uncompromising parents because they thought marrying their daughter with a Hindu Brahman boy and son of an IAS officer will enhance their status in the kasai (butcher) community but my parents were not ready to accept a meat eating daughter of a Muslim kasai as their daughter-in-law. Tahira also knew this bitter reality.

‘And you know than how I suppose to purify myself to again become a pure Muslim’ She frightfully said.

‘That’s easy. Take a bath with few drops of Holy Jumjum water in the bucket and recite few lines from Holy Quran.’ I argued.

‘Please don’t ask to violate my religion.’ She pleaded.

‘On God! Please forget about the religion.’ I said in a commanding manner.

And ultimately I pulled her on the bed.

I bended over her to kiss Tahira. She stared in shock but didn’t protest, just watched.

I kissed her again and again. She remained quiet for few minutes but soon started kissing me back.

I kissed her cheeks, her lips, her forehead, her nose, her eyes, her ears…..

She switched off the lights.

I hugged her tightly.

‘This is wrong.’ She resisted a little.

‘Nothing wrong, I love you.’ And my hand reached to open the knot of her choli.

‘No’, she said and tried to remove my hand.

I slid my hand inside her choli.

‘Please no…’ she said.

I closed her mouth with torrent of kisses. She struggled a little but after few futile nos she started to respond…matching me and outpacing me..

‘This isn’t right, Ritik.’ She puffed, but biting my cheek.

I removed her choli.

“Don’t, Ritik!’ she murmured but lifted her shoulder to get it off.

I removed my shirt. Now her warmth and softness dissolved in me.

She tried to stop me last time but I removed her ghahra and rest of her clothes and mine too.

‘I have a cousin, waiting to marry me,’ she reminded me.

‘I am a different girl, Ritik,’ she almost sobbed.

‘You are a very wonderful girl’ I said.

Now she was finally nude, lying on her back. On the bed her legs spread wide, her long black hair hanging, her head tilted back with her red – hot eyes closed. She wore no jewelry, no flowers in the hair and no make ups. She lost in a new world.

It was this woman whose dream I had from my childhood.

I had a special plan for our wedding night, I want to bed smelling of new wine, drying-racks, fleeces and affluence – and she of perfume, saffron, French kisses, spending, over eating and erotic rituals. Don’t get the idea she was mesmerizing.

I could not control myself for that day.

‘Ritik,’ she said,, and held me very close. Passion repressed for years were now uncontrollable. I bit and kissed her entire body and was lost inside her. We were one in each other.

I knew there will be no life without her. What happened was not lust but my real love. It is said men withdraw after sex but I was more closer to her and keep her with me forever.

‘You are amazing, Tahira. Every bit of you is amazing.’ ‘I can’t live without you, Tahira,’ I said.

‘Don’t say that, please,’ she said. ‘And complete your assignments.’

We both laughed.

‘My assignment is half complete now.’ ‘Hope to complete it soon.’ I said.

Not everything in life had a reason.

The truth is that I hardly knew me.

‘I am tired. I want to go home.’ She said and stood up.

I started the car. We hugged and sat in the car. I I dropped her at her house. The door was shut behind her. Her perfume lingered in the car and in my heart for ever.

I was getting late and was soon home for dinner. Ritik: heard his mother calling him from the kitchen. Now she started to sound more kind. Some marriage propels may be there. All talked a lot. They wanted my ‘Yes,’ but I had Tahira in my mind. They wanted me to get married, as soon as possible.

I opened my mouth about my plan to marry Tahira. They were all stunned. There was storm in my family. I had to fight my hostile and conservative parents to get their ‘Yes’ for this proposal. Every relative came in to break my relationship with Tahira. But my crying persuasions bore results positively and my parents were melted. I got positive vibes from all.

Not everything in life had a reason.

The truth was that I hardly knew me.

But Tahira’s parents had almost made up their mind for this marriage. It was strange to see how little care they have for their daughter. They even didn’t meet my parents. But they knew everything about me and my family.

‘Chauvinist minds’, ‘Bloody hypocrites.’ I murmured.

Busy in this confusion and stress of civilizations and religions, I could not contact Tahira.

She willed herself to not check her phone to see if he had replied. It had been about three days now. She hated that she was constantly checking his 'last seen at' status and yes, he had logged in just five minutes ago. Yet she couldn't stop herself. This sinking feeling to find absolutely no communication from him was becoming unbearable, almost torturous. And then, just as she sat down in her chair, her phone vibrated. With her heart thudding in her ear, she unlocked her phone and stared at the screen. Finally! It was his message. But when she opened it and read it, she nearly stopped breathing. She didn't know if he was joking or not. What was this?

Dear Tahira,

Its only when one is not there, one realizes her value. You were, you are and will always be mine and my most splendid possession. And when could be better than having your best friend as your buddy for life. Back then we were simply students…I was unsure and presses by useless consideration….scared may be. But today I am firm. Yes. My answer is yes.

You are my wife.

I am always there and will be, love you.

Yours only,

Ritik.

“Shri Ganeshay Namah”

Smt. & Shri Ram Krishan Aiyyar

Will be deeply honored by Your Gracious Presence,

To share with them the joy that fills their hearts on the splendid and festive

Celebrations at the WEDDING of their loving Son

Ritik Krishan Aiyyar

(S/o Sht. & Shri Ram Krishan Aiyyar)

With

Tahira Khan

(D/o Shri Shah Rukh Khan)

ON

30 th November 2015

Wedding Ceremony – 4.00 P.M.onwards

Reception & Dinner – 8.00 P.M. onwards

Venue: ‘RADHA – GOVIND – DHAM (Banquet Hall),

G.T.Karnal Road, Delhi-110036

R.S.V.P.

With Best Compliments From

All near and Dear of All near and Dear of

Aiyyar Family Khan Family

“For Yesterday’s Memories, Today’s Love and Tomorrow’s Dreams.”

Aiyyars & Khans

[dandp-maeanderson]

Evaluative statement

Professional Practice lecture series –

I found Tessa’s professional practice lecture series incredibly useful. It allowed me to appreciate the many different avenues I could take once I leave university. I have always been interested and passionate about education and in particular creative education and its benefits concerning behaviour, mental and emotional wellbeing. When I left school, I was really upset to learn that my old school were stopping running GCSEs in drama and textiles due to loss of funding and staff redundancies. The creative arts in schools are essential to self-expression, managing emotions and encouraging a career path in the creative industry. I have always loved the idea of becoming an art teacher and have previously done work experience in the art departments in high schools following the teachers and the technician to learn more about their jobs. This gave me more of an understanding about the current state of art departments in schools and I saw first hand the direct results of funding cuts.

My plan has always to apply for teacher training once I finish uni, but through the PP lectures and completing a “learning plan” has helped me identify which skills and experiences I already have that would be beneficial to being a teacher. Obviously all of my technical printmaking, painting, drawing and sculpture skills I have learnt through my own education (school, college, art foundation and at UWE!) and a series of trial and error experiments will aid my application, but also considering my own experiences working in retail since I was 16, my volunteering experience with the Girl Guides and other pieces of work experience I have done with my local museum whilst I was at college. I grew up with my nan running a children’s home for disabled teenagers and my mum worked as a school nurse then with social services in their emergency response team. Both of these things have been huge influences on my ambitions and have given me inspiration to work with children/teenagers with additional needs or on the pastoral care side of education. Tessa made me realise how all of this information is actually incredibly valuable and would support a teacher training application – and has even made me think about working as a teaching assistant or technician (or even an artist in residency within a private school) before undertaking the teacher training so I can ensure I feel confident within the classroom setting. I have also been inspired to look into other roles within education such as an educational welfare officer which is basically the foundation of most pastoral services.

The mock interview we did with Tessa was quite funny really – as I’ve had loads of interviews before due to part time jobs and university applications, but I’ve never actually interviewed for a teaching-based job. It was challenging in the way that I had to think quickly in response to the questions (and that it was in front of the rest of the class!) but I think I did a good job and it gave me an understanding of what would be required for a teacher interview, for example, I would probably be asked to do a lesson with a class so they could observe me.

Some books I have read that I feel are integral into my understanding of education and what makes a good teacher –  

Some Kids I Taught and What They Taught Me by Kate Clanchy.

The Freedom Writers Diary by The Freedom Writers and Erin Gruwell.

Both of these books discuss education and the lesser value placed on the creative arts subjects – as both authors are creative writing English teachers by trade. Kate Clanchy works in an inclusion unit and discusses her entire experience of teaching and how to use poetry as a medium of self-expression through class and language barriers. She talks of how she began to understand that a lot of the children she was teaching were facing incredible difficulty or responsibility at home and how that influences the way a child or teenager would behave in school and eventually how that would effect their life trajectory. Erin Gruwell was a newly qualified teacher going into a “left behind” English class on Long Beach, USA, teaching teenagers the value of the written word, and their experiences. The students were inspired by the Diary of Anne Frank and eventually raised enough money to bring Miep Gies (the woman who hid Anne and her family) over to their school for an interview. Erin Gruwell set the class an assignment of keeping their own diary, and this book is the published result of that assignment. Reading it, you get a sense of some of the harrowing experiences these students (most from non-white, working class backgrounds) experienced, from sexual assault to gang violence. I feel like these books gave me the knowledge to understand the reasonings behind people’s behaviours but also gave me a sense of understanding in my own behaviours during my school years as a reaction to my home life where my mum had cancer and my parents awful divorce.

Work experience –  

My experience volunteering for the Guides has been really enjoyable and I’ve learnt a lot. I was a Brownie and a Guide when I was younger, and the experiences I had were some I would never have had. It is an organisation I can align my beliefs with. They are an inclusive safe space for girls and young women to learn, grow, be creative and give back to their communities. It provides a foundation for friendships and new experiences. I feel proud to volunteer for them. Unfortunately, due to Covid-19 our Summer Term activity (a play organised by the girls) has been cancelled as we can’t hold our meetings. This is such a shame as it was something me and our unit leader Hazel had organised together – and I was going to start running to occasional unit meeting in preparation for potentially undergoing youth leader training over the summer holidays. We already have to complete a DBS check as well as do regular online training for safeguarding purposes. This has given me a lot of experience in understanding what actually goes on within youth-centred groups. In the future, I’d like to try and arrange work experience/volunteering for a non-religion youth organisation as I’d like to see the work youth workers do in relation to keeping at risk teenagers safe.

I have been in contact with my old head of year from school who is now the head of inclusion in a behavioural referral education centre and I had work experience arranged with him (end of May 2020) to get an idea of how these inclusion units operate, but due to Covid-19 and the UK being on lockdown this has been cancelled (hopefully I will be able to rearrange this for the future!). I also had applied for a job as an exam invigilator at our local grammar school in the hopes I would’ve been able to invigilate their A Level and GCSE art exams to give me an idea of how the qualifications are run – but again, due to Covid-19 I never actually heard back from the job application due to all exams being cancelled. I approached a few art therapists about work experience, but this was all denied as they only take work experience students direct from counselling programmes.

In the past, I have done a few one-off days during work experience in my old school where I ran workshop sessions for their GCSE students. This is something I was really excited to start contacting schools about before they broke up for the summer – especially as my old art teacher has invited me back into my old school in October to talk to her groups about higher education in art. Not many students go onto college in the first place, let alone choosing an A level in art so this was something I was really excited to do – hopefully it will go ahead! My ideas for workshops included a basic lino printing and pattern workshop for the GSCE textiles students and a paper sculpture workshop where the students printed their thumbprints, and drew them out on big, thick paper and painted designs onto their shapes – then we would cut the shapes out so they were all in one big, continuous line and we hung them from the ceiling with a spotlight on them to create all sorts of shadows and shapes across the walls, which they would then draw with drawing ink to create these beautiful line drawings. Hopefully, I will be able to run this workshop eventually as I’m really excited by it!

Lucy’s research talk + studio chats with her –

I found Lucy’s research talk the most engaging in relation to the similarities between her work and my work. I love pattern, and frequently get myself caught up in questions on why pattern exists. Her video where she created a drawing device she attached to her feet and then recorded her movements whilst swaying her baby to sleep was something really interesting especially when documenting patterns of movement as well as aesthetic patterning. The drawings she made in collaboration with a maths/science (I can’t figure out whether it’s maths or science?) expert in producing a drawing showing complex systems fascinated me and made me think about the way different people can learn.

I would have loved to have heard a recording of the conversations they had!

Me and Lucy always have really interesting conversations in the studio. One particular conversation that was very useful happened in January when I was embarking on my quilting/pattern-based work. It feels like I can blurt out all of my brain jumble and Lucy can just put it back into order for me! She suggested I look into feminist theory on pattern and repetitive art and the (kind of out-dated idea now) that there was a socially ingrained reason the first big female artists were interested in pattern. This was an incredibly big question to consider – in the end, I decided that I felt like the repetitive rhythm of pencil marks that I found so soothing was to do with the therapeutic nature of the gesture rather than any age-old social construct. I feel the same with collections – a small collection of my belongings discussing the ideas of materialism/what qualities I cherish within an object and doing small drawings of the contents of my bag. These things I might never have discovered without my research after our conversation.

Visiting speakers –

Lucy’s work with the complex systems reminded me of Kate Hopkins’ lecture on imagination and the difference between people’s brains. She explained how she cannot mentally visualise. This made me think about the different ways brains work and how people understand visual material. If someone without an art background were to see my work, how would they understand it? Would they need contextual information? We already know people process colours differently, do objects look different to different people? How would my work be seen in a gallery space vs in a home? Would this effect the way people understand my concepts and the aesthetics of my work?

I also thoroughly enjoyed Tom Musgrove’s talk where he discussed honestly his struggle with making work initially leaving university and talking about his financial difficulties in the beginning. I feel like this resonated with me because it gave me a true representation of how life as a freelance artist is, without financial backing from parents.