#interesting mix of activities
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halfelven · 1 year ago
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i like waking up in the middle of the night and doing things and then going back to sleep to wake up again to a fresh batch of rolls
i also think i get more things done at night because there are fewer options of things to do so choosing one thing is from a narrower list of things to be done.
i wonder if i could use this in my daytime life by breaking my to-do lists into smaller sections of related activities and then picking out one from a list of, say, three things, rather than a list of fifteen or more
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vhsdruid · 1 month ago
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terribly sorry if this is a weird question but i would LOVE to hear more about wasps . funky little dudes
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wasps are a relatively new species in terms of insect evolution, having appeared in the jurassic period alongside the first dinosaurs. there are hundreds of thousands of species, which could include ants and bees depending on your exact definition. they're all included in the group apocrita, or the "wasp waisted" hymenoptera. they are some of the most successful insects on the planet.
DID YOU KNOW?: the stinger of apocrita is a highly adapted ovipositor, the organ used for egg laying.
STEP ONE: their ancestors, the sawflies, had evolved a serrated ovipositor that could bore into plant material as a safe place to lay their eggs.
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STEP TWO: the first wasps would use the ovipositor to instead lay their eggs inside of other animals (parasitoidism), which then provides the developing young plenty of food. many of these wasps would develop a unique variety of venoms to aid in the capture of prey, often by paralysis.
DID YOU KNOW?: there are more parasitoid wasps than any other kind of wasp, with an estimated 100,000 species! this includes the iconic cicada killer wasp.
STEP THREE: the transition from egg laying to defense is not entirely understood, but is believed by some to have been a direct response to predation by vertebrates. if you think about it, it's not all that easy to sting through a tough exoskeleton (though it can be done), it's much easier to sting soft, fleshy things that are trying to eat your delicious grub children. these wasps no longer lay eggs with the ovipositor, instead having an opening at the base of the stinger. the venom would be adapted to illicit a pain response, a harsh lesson to not mess with wasps!
DID YOU KNOW?: male wasps CANNOT sting as they do not have an ovipositor. though, some males will still mimic stinging, or even have pointed abdomens to help sell the illusion.
QUICKFIRE ROUND:
while wasps are famously eusocial and will often live in large communal hives, the vast majority of wasps are solitary and live on their own.
the largest species of wasp is the northern giant hornet, who's queens are around 2 inches in length. the smallest species of wasp is also the smallest insect ever! dicopomorpha echmepterygis males have been measured as small as 139 micrometres in length.
its common knowledge that wasps can sting multiple times and honey bees cant. this is a unique adaptation of the honey bee, who deliver a more potent sting by leaving the stinger embedded in the victim as it continues to pump rounds and rounds of venom. unfortunately, the stinger is directly attached to many vital organs, which are then damaged in the process, causing the honey bee to die.
insects breathe by absorbing oxygen directly into their "blood". wasps aid in this by rapidly expanding and collapsing their abdomen to force air in and out. if her butt is vibrating, shes just taking a breath :)
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the iconic coloration of the wasp, usually yellow and black, is part of their defensive strategy! this is a form of aposematism, the advertising of danger to potential predators. they want you to notice them, so you know to steer clear!
the coloration is SO iconic that thousands of insect species mimic it in hopes of also warding off predators. this includes flies, moths and butterflies, and even their own ancestors, the sawflies.
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parasitoid wasps are very specific in their choice of prey, likely due to the unique cocktail of venom they must possess to influence any given species. for any arthropod, there is a species of wasp that specializes in parasitizing THAT specific arthropod.
because i know some people are wondering, the venom of parasitoid wasps can only effect arthropods, there will be no wasp based mind control within the next few million years. some parasitoids have been known to sting defensively, which is still quite painful depending on the exact species.
some wasps are HYPERPARASITOIDS, meaning they will lay their eggs on other parasitoids that are already parasitizing something. its parasitoids all the way down.
one of these hyperparasitoids is the velvet ant. despite it's common name, they're actually a species of wasp with flightless females. the males do possess wings, and in some species, will assist the female by carrying her to an environment with better resources.
the venom of gall wasps will, when inserted into a tree or other vegetation, cause it to grow a mass, known as a gall. basically a bootleg fruit, filled with nutrients. these wasp galls will then safely house the wasp's young which eat it from the inside out, before emerging as adult wasps.
obviously, theres wasps that parasitize the gall wasps inside the gall.
fig wasps are the only animals that can pollinate figs, and do so by crawling inside to lay their eggs before dying inside the fruit. well, the only animal other than humans, which find figs quite tasty but don't typically enjoy eating dead wasps.
i probably wont ever get a better opportunity to share this information, sorry: the queen honey bee mating with a drone is audible to the human ear, making a popping sound. the drone's endophallus (penis) is violently detached in the process and he dies soon after.
lastly, lets just marvel at the beauty of the wasp. they have some of the most striking appearances of any animals on earth.
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i am just fillled with awe when i look at them. a powerful and intimidating predator that takes great care in raising the next generation. perhaps my favorite animal.
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cinnamonsikwate · 10 months ago
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i'm really curious about what marcille's mother's deal is. seems like she's not too big on the rest of elven society. here's what we know about her so far:
mage at a human royal court (adventurer's bible)
courtship with marcille's father donato lasted 17 years (adventurer's bible)
specialty is roast pork, which was also donato's favorite (chapter 81)
had a cheerful personality up until the point donato got too sick to eat his favorite food. her extreme emotional reaction to this left a lasting impression on marcille (chapter 81)
remarried to a gnome and moved away from the city at some point after donato died (adventurer's bible)
several portraits of her appear in marcille's nightmare (chapter 42); this is the second time we see marcille dream of her (chapter 3)
preferred non-elven food and didn't introduce marcille to any traditional elven dishes (chapter 74)
from the canaries' reactions in chapter 74, it appears elven society looks down on elves who go to live among and work for short-lived races. they seemed especially put off that she would have a mixed-blood child. when they're talking about the lyrikmumare to get marcille to trip up, marcille envisions her mother saying that the food "here" (i.e., the northern continent) tastes so much better. so the picture we're getting here is of an elf who has removed herself from elven culture, but the question is, did she do it willingly or was she forced to?
keeping her other actions in mind, i'm leaning more towards the former. the most intriguing thing for me is that she eventually married a gnome, despite elves and gnomes having infamously waged war against each other over differences in the practice of magic and presently tending to discriminate against the other on sight. (one thing's for sure — marcille's mother is winning the idgaf war!)
marcille never talks about her gnome stepfather though, and it's unclear what she thinks of her mother's remarriage. the timing of the remarriage is also a mystery. donato married marcille's mother when he was 32 (after having courted her for 17 years) and died at 82, meaning they were married for 50 years. marcille is also currently 50 years old, but we know she wasn't born immediately after the marriage: in chapter 81, donato's doppelganger says marcille was born when he'd started "getting on in years." based on marcille's memories of him and the established fact that the average tall-man lifespan is 60 years, i'd hazard that he was in his 50s then. this gives him 30 years or less with marcille — definitely less than 35, which we know is the age at which she left for the magic academy.
we don't know if marcille's mother remarries before or after marcille leaves (if before, than that's definitely a shockingly short time), but it's interesting that she chose to marry someone from a long-lived race this time. maybe this is her way of ensuring she spares herself another heartbreak? or maybe she *is* still heartbroken and is trying to cover it up.
but. i can't help but kind of agree with chilchuck in chapter 81, that marcille's parents are not blameless for marcille becoming the dungeon lord. since it's apparently well-documented, they surely must have known — as well-educated people — that mixed-blood children face not just discrimination but also mental anguish that comes with their unstable aging (not to mention the sterility). so the way they raised marcille feels frankly irresponsible 😭
anyway. i'd love to get spin-off content where post-adventure marcille and her mother meet again. i feel like there's a lot of unresolved issues there (that can of course be hashed out over a good meal).
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wiklm · 4 months ago
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i’m trying so hard to unnecessarily mash my interests together and i recommend it to everyone!! yes girl put those billy joel songs on the hannibal playlist i believe in you!!!!
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bywandandsword · 9 months ago
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Since Hazbin Hotel popped off, I've seen a few times people asserting that there is something racist about Alastor's backstory, given that he is canonically a Creole from New Orleans, but his demon form does not have any overt indicators of his being a person of color
So here's a gentle reminder and clarification, as a Louisiana Creole myself;
"Louisiana Creoles (French: Créoles de la Louisiane, Louisiana Creole: Moun Kréyòl la Lwizyàn, Spanish: Criollos de Luisiana) are a Louisiana French ethnic group descended from the inhabitants of colonial Louisiana before it became a part of the United States during the period of both French and Spanish rule. They share cultural ties such as the traditional use of the French, Spanish, and Creole languages and predominant practice of Catholicism. Some mistakenly think the term is a racial designation, while in fact people of European, of African, and of mixed ancestry have all been termed "Creole" since the 18th century." (x, emphasis mine)
Please pay special attention to the last sentence. While many, probably most, Louisiana Creoles are of mixed-race ancestry, not all are. I'm not saying there aren't valid critiques of Alastor as a character, this just isn't one of them
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teeth-cable · 11 months ago
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Have you seen The Amazing Digital Circus yet?
If so, what's your opinion on it?
I LOVE TADC! It’s my favorite indie show at the moment! There’s just so much I like about it but my main ones are
1. The setting and execution being unique. A horror-like project taking place in an late 90s/early 2000s digital game is not a new idea and same goes with characters being stuck in a purgatory however it’s how the artists reinvent those idea that makes it new. The digital Circus made its own aesthetic that makes it stand out from other projects with similar concepts and designs. When I first watched the pilot, one of many things that stuck out to me was how new the story ideas felt. I couldn’t think of any other pieces of media similar to TADC beside for surface-level comparisons. The TADC created its own aesthetic and knows what it wants to be and I like it!
2. Soundtrack. Speaks for itself, the soundtrack for the pilot is so good especially Your New Home. That song is very catchy and emotional too. It has such a unique melody, everytime you hear the first few notes you instantly recognize it. It does a great job highlighting the dread and existentialism crisis of Pomni’s situation. I recommend to give it a listen if you haven’t.
3. The characters dynamics. I just love how the characters interact with each other. The majority of the jokes comes from characters’ interactions and dynamics and how well everyone plays off of each other. The best example is Jax with everyone, Jax is a funny jerk who likes bullying his peers. It’s funny to see what creative ways Jax will bully the other people whether it’s being sarcastic and making quips at them, or though goofy pranks and how the characters react because of their contrast in personality. Every character beside Jax is openly stressed or worried in someway while Jax, at first seem like a chill layback dude.
4. The characters differences. I adored the differences between each character from how they talk to their poses. After watching HH and HB, I learned to have an appreciation for character differences. It’s just refreshing to see characters allowed to be different instead of the same tired reused tropes and repeating the same type of dialogue again for every character.
5. Mystery and lore. There is so much to explore in the pilot, it’s make you wanting more. When going in to watch the pilot, I made the mistake of thinking the series will be predictable. I didn’t see how they could make this premise work because by the end of it, Pomni will go insane but then I watched the pilot and was speechless. The pilot does a good job setting up questions for the audience to ask. If Caine lied about the exit, what are other things did he lied about? How long has the cast been stuck in the circus? Who are these people? Are they previous game developers? Who were they in their previous lives? What is the company’s motivation to create the headset? What are the abstractions in game? Are they viruses to the game program? Who were the former cast? What horrors has Kinger seen to be as paranoid and easily frighten as he is now? Do the abstractions still have a consciousness? You just want to find out more about the lore to solve the many mysteries in the show. I find it impressive Gooseworx was able to stir up the theorists because they have admitted in an ask, there are already theories floating around that are almost right about the show.
One problem I did have for the pilot were the scenes containing the Gloink Queen. The pacing of the pilot was fine until we got to her then it was slow. I feel it dragged longer than it needed too but beside that, my issues for the pilot ends.
I can’t speak for the fandom on other platforms but the tumblr one is great! Most of the time everyone is being respectful towards each other and I love seeing what creative theories, AU, fanfics, and art the fans created. The only people causing drama are the anti-shippers, and it’s just dumb. All of the cast are adults, if age gaps ships makes people uncomfortable, that’s valid but they shouldn’t make it into other people’s problems. Gooseworx themselves admitted they don’t care for romance and they don’t want fans in the fandom getting harassed over shipping.
Overall despite what issues I had for the pilot and fandom, they’re overshadowed by the positives and I can’t wait to see the full show and the fandom’s growth.
#꧁rambles꧂#➥asks#the amazing digital circus#The TADC is the indie show and fandom I needed#After a year of critiquing Viv and her shows and being a fandom as toxic as HH & HB I just needed a break#I’m still active as you can see but barely posting and critiquing the shows anymore#I do check the critical tags every now and again to catch up and I’m just not interested in consuming any Viv’s content anymore#The last Ep I saw from HB was Unhappy Campers and the last video related to HH was the Happy Day in Hell one#I kinda don’t see the point of being very active on my HH amounts when I’m no longer watching Viv and I think everything to Viv is regressi#Viv is getting more careless about how she presents herself online and people are starting to noticed how much of an ass she really is#responding on a funny shitpost of “If the TADC was written by Viv” lightly making fun of her and she blew up once again#I’ve seen creators with a decent size following in other platform not just Twitter called her out and Viv and the fandom is be the-#reasons why Hazbin will fail#Her fandoms are notorious for being toxic/ fans going out of their way to attack not just haters but anyone who doesn’t praise Viv 24/7#Viv is actively creating toxic environment in her fanbases so she can protect herself from criticism and allegations behind her fans#But because of this Viv is contributing to the future downfall of Hazbin because no one wants to be associated with her because of her fanb#There’s just no reason to stay around#If the reaction to the Prime’s video Happy Day in Hell from outsiders is mixed then the reaction will be too for the full release#Plus the general attitude towards Viv has changed over the last three years#Despite her previous controversies she was see as a respectful creator but now views are mixed#People see her as the indie creator whose show took a nose drive in season 2/doesn’t pay her employees/is immature/and is now seen in a-#more negative light
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inktheblot · 11 months ago
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The rotation of Christmas music that plays in the store I work at includes the following:
Any version of “Last Christmas” you could think of and then some, EXCEPT Wham’s
Various people trying to come up with weird new verses to “Jingle Bells”
Joey Ramone’s cover of “What a Wonderful World”
This one cover of “Do You Want To Build a Snowman” that’s sung in like. That specific really breathy way that pop singers do Christmas songs sometimes y’know?
The song from the Victorious Christmas episode
Three songs from the Phineas and Ferb Christmas special
“I Have a Dream” by ABBA except not the ABBA version
- DO YOU REMEMBER THE 25TH NIGHT OF DECEMBER
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good-wine-and-cheese · 1 year ago
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Really appreciate from the visuals so far that the characters don't look too glossy and "modern anime" if you know what I mean. Like for sure the animation is much more smooth and dynamic in a modern way, but I can look at character stills and it has a mid 2000s early 10s vibe.
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goatwithaplan · 8 months ago
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street-corner-felines · 4 months ago
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Zero Day Director commentary - With actor Andre Keuck
#movies#film#cinema#Damn I wish Cal was here#Andre and Ben are really interesting to listen to#This movie is one of those movies where it needs like 3 commentaries#It needs one with just Ben Coccio by himself#then one with Cal and Andre by themselves#then another with all 3 of them#Not all movies do that but I love when studios/filmmakers have multiple commentaries to create a sense of thorough intimacy#due to the nature of how commentaries are set up they can be quite restrictive/pressing/limited with no pauses or rewinds.#so I find cast/crew don't have enough time or able to present how they would like to if they could edit/rewind or pause for fluent presenta#So I love when they have director commentaries and actor commentaries or composer commentaries#Platoon's dvd extras are so dope they got multiple commentaries and one with military adviser Dale Dye who was a RL vietnam vet#Or Hostel's commentaries where one is just Eli Roth and another is Tarantino and Eli Roth with Scott Spiegal#idk if Zero Day ever got a blu-ray release but I think it should but the DV technology of the camera is kinda at it's limit of resolution#but an AI upscaling with 20 years later retrospective with Ben Cal and Andre would be sooo dope along with updated commentaries#Every few years I always rewatch Zero Day so that time has come that last few days lol#Ever since Columbine as a lil kid I have always been into spree-murders and active shooter incidents#I remember reading a peer-reviewed paper called Pseudo-Commandos#And Eric and Dylan and Andre and Cal would be dubbed Pseudo-Commandos where they dress up in a semi-military fashion#and have a delusion of superiority mixed with perceived sense of persecution whether it's true or not#it went into the Postal shooter from the 80s as well and what he went through along#plus I read another book called Going Postal which also went into postal shootings along with school shootings#I want to make a film about spree murders or an active shooter/s but I remember just getting so tired of the subject matter#because every 3 weeks there was some new shooter in the headlines and I found myself not wanting to be exploitative#When I write/direct my film I'd like it to address and study the character of such an individual but not try to be too political#or exploitative and focus on the ambiguities that are left behind when someone does this#as a society I noticed we stopped asking the questions on why and stopped having constructive conversations#it feels like as a coping mechanism we've started treating them like tornados or natural disasters
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yellowloid · 1 year ago
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I'm so confused. What the hell is currently going on in the fandom with Matt, Louise and everyone else? I just don't get it
basically louise posted a screenshot of her ig comment section full of comments hating on her, bringing up her controversies as well as taylor and alexa's relationship with alex, saying she stole him from taylor and he was better off with alexa. she defended herself telling those people to get a life, that they don't know her or alex or any of the people involved, and that she's a human being who has all the right to be in love with him (dare i say, that part was kinda slay). then amanda and matt also jumped on the whole thing and stood up for her. louise said all the hate is exactly why no one in their group wants to post anything, while matt threatened to log off again. you know. usual stuff
the thing is. people really need to stop going to her comment section lmao like of course you're allowed to dislike her and you can speculate all you want about their relationship but. for the love of god. keep it to fandom spaces where the people involved will not see it??? not on her actual comment section??? come on. it's not that hard to understand
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yellowocaballero · 2 years ago
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r you writing tim as autistic? also, how old is steph and tim in your story
The story starts in March. Tim is 13, with a July birthday, so he turns 14 over the course of the story. Stephanie's birthday is in December so she's 14 throughout the course of the story (Tim's July birthday is canon; Steph's birthday is in December because her birthday would be a very big deal to her and I didn't have space to fit that into the story). Steph's an eighth grader and Tim would be an eighth grader if he went to physical school. Assume that in 6th grade he was caught changing his grades remotely, a la War Games.
Vis a vis Tim as autistic: if it's not explicitly said, I do want people to be able to read the characters however they want or however they feel comfortable. I didn't say anything so nothing's canon.
However, I am kind of incapable as writing him as neurotypical. His parents pulled him out of school because he couldn't handle the environment and with nothing in there remotely challenging or interesting to him he couldn't do work (there's a parallel in that to Stephanie we'll get to later). As in canon, special interest absolute king - and I've made the joke before that the reason why Tim is slightly different here than in canon is because he had a computer special interest instead of a Batman special interest, and by joke I mean I designed the character with that in mind (Spoiler & Batman, at this point in the story, are an enthusiastic hobby). I'm hesitant to say 'yes or no' because I didn't go out of my way to introduce some traits to him that I would call uniquely autistic, because apparently I write my characters like I would diagnose patients, but his neurodivergence is the guiding force behind a lot of who he is as a person.
I'm kind of projecting my own views/perspective on this, which is "You know sometimes people do not have a normal brain and it's hard to pin down a label for their flavor of ND". There's also the whole thing of Tim being a specific character archetype that is frequently coded ND but is never explicitly written as such, so that's already baked into his character. But if you want to say "he's probably downright autistic and/or ADHD" please do so.
Also the popular girl bitchy eighth grader looking at you and going "you're weird!" should be in the DSM.
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melis-hellis · 5 months ago
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y'all don't understand how goddamn happy i am....i love smiling friends!!!!!! i love smiling friends so so so so sooo much
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solomon-tozer · 2 years ago
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Okay so @ra-scheln is interested in the Crozer & Hickey thoughts living in my brain, so here they (or at least some of them) are! (Because holding up our faves and pointing out all the holes is fun and we should do it more >:D)
First thing's first: Crozier is NOT a people person. He wears his rank so awkwardly, he doesn't make an effort to be friendly or approachable, he sort of :[ faces at pretty much everyone, and just... reads people pretty damn badly. Most of the men I think just put up with this (to a point) because he's Captain, but Hickey... Hickey isn't like most of the men.
So the second point is: Hickey really is not a normal guy. He's wearing the guise of one. He's trying to blend in and just get by. But he is, well before the show begins, damaged in spectacular ways. He doesn't think the same as others. His way of processing things is on a different level. He's also constantly on alert, absorbing, analysing and enacting what he thinks will serve himself best.
So, throw the two of them together, and you get... a disaster.
Crozier barely knows Hickey exists. He's one of the crew. Maybe he'd noticed the Limerick detail and heard the accent, thought 'huh that's odd', and then just... gone about his day until they met in the Great Cabin. By that meeting, they've been stuck in for their first winter, Crozier is feeling shitter than ever, he's drinking more, Sir John has invaded his space, Crozier doesn't trust him or feel listened to/appreciated/valued, and then there's this... guy... in to fix the privvy and holding a dog shit in his hand. He's just some guy. A refreshing someone/no one to just vent to for a minute or two.
Only, that's not how it should work. Hickey doesn't know his place, because he doesn't understand the system he's inserted himself into, and Crozier doesn't really care in that moment or even think 'hey this isn't an appropriate way to talk to one of the ratings'. Crozier has no idea what that interaction is going to create. At all. Probably barely even noticed who he was talking to. He got to say his dramatic lines, be civil for a minute, and then that was that.
But to Hickey? Oh boy. Earlier, there had been the whole Irving discovering him and Gibson thing. And while Gibson was freaking out, Hickey was grinning and smoking, not actually afraid. See, he'd read Irving. Correctly. He's calm about this. He's in control. Nothing bad is going to happen.
He now goes on to read Crozier. Incorrectly. Maybe a little high on that close shave with Irving and his surety, Hickey's now in the Captain's cabin, and the Captian recognises him. Speaks to him. As an equal, no less. He sees something in him. He confides in Hickey. When Hickey works Crozier to extract details about the leads/chances of getting under way again, it's easy. Crozier doesn't notice (well, he doesn't care/doesn't think, just speaks, which he shouldn't have done).
The whole moment where Crozier offers Hickey a drink, and insists, then makes that toast... Nothing to Crozier, but everything to Hickey. He doesn't need to worry about Gibson, Irving, or anything else. The Captain has recognised him, and his potential. "To ourselves." A navy man would know that's a traditional toast for a Wednesday. Hickey thinks it's a serious, genuine toast to himself and the Captain. He carrys his memory of that Wednesday right until the very end.
Of course, Gibson starts tearing Hickey's idea apart, quite brutally. So in that break-up, Hickey loses both Gibson and what he thought he and Crozier were together (a set apart, a cut above the rest, exceptional, etc - only, I think Hickey sees people in positions of power as stepping stones for his own greatness, and those people will eventually be beneath him as he rises even higher and oooh he's so deliciously unhinged). Hickey's reaction is to take a shit on Gibson's bed, and then to go through Crozier's things like a paranoid lover, where he then finds a letter that confirms Crozier was going to abandon him/them. He later talks about it at the hanging, about how Crozier was leaving everyone behind, but at the time the sting of it was that he was going to be left behind. He meant nothing to Crozier after all.
But by this point, Crozier has invited him in. There's something between them. They know things about each other (in Hickey's mind). They're still equals. Crozier, on the other hand, probably goes right back to not even thinking about Hickey until Silna is kidnapped.
At that point, Crozier goes way, way overboard. He reacts viciously when Hickey steps out of line (a result of him not being a Navy man, but moreso I think from him thinking that he and Crozier are equals). Hickey thought he was acting sensibly, as he ought to, and in a way Crozier would be thankful for! But instead Hickey becomes the focal point for Crozier's anger and malice - Hickey is someone Crozier can kick, so to speak, and Hickey keeps giving him excuses by riling him up during that scene. Maybe there is a little something of 'I don't like this guy' in Crozier at that point, but I read it as mostly being 'here's a guy who has just pissed me off, and I am the one in power and I'm going to fucking show it'. Crozier is too self-absorbed to care about anyone else, or to realise that his actions are going to have serious consequences.
One of those consequences? I'd say Irving's murder.
Okay I am reaching a tiny bit here, as Irving's murder was opportunistic, and there's already the fact that Irving is responsible for Gibson breaking up with Hickey, but I feel that there is another layer to it. In justifying Hickey's punishment in front of the crew, 'dirtiness' is tacked on the end. And were the fuck did that come from?? It wasn't mentioned when the three men were questioned! In that moment, Hickey looks in dismay at Irving, thinking that Irving has said something to Crozier. Which he hasn't. The charge would have been for sodomy, or indecendy, or something along those lines. But Hickey misunderstands. The bitterness Hickey feels towards Irving deepens. The only logical (for Hickey) conclusion that can be drawn from the extra charge is that Irving is behind it.
From then on... Well. The bulk of the crew shift to Erebus. Anyone who took the time to notice Hickey's character might realise he gets lost in the crowd. He can't operate surrounded by normalcy, he struggles in the light, but when the crowd is thinned and gasping for breath in the face of adversity? Hickey thrives. And he's left/kept on Crozier's ship. Kept close. It's personal.
How much thought and attention does Crozier give Hickey? Probably not very much. His drinking gets worse, HIckey doesn't cause any further trouble, and then Crozier withdraws to go through potentially lethal detox. I doubt he thinks about very much except the pain and misery he's in. Everyone but Jopson and MacDonald are kept away. But Hickey is still on the same ship, no distracting crowd to smother his voice, he starts to rise, to feel the power he has over Irving, become a source of comfort for Manson, to gather information and draw together those who aren't content. And we're not even delving into Tuunbaq! Because that's also where Hickey is transferring his focus/power. Crozier was weak. Unworthy. But he has still wronged Hickey, and Hickey is going to get his revenge one way or another.
Quick detour here to say that Goodsir is the only person who comes close to noticing Hickey's nature, but he does nothing with that knowledge. He doesn't share his concern, perhaps assuming 'oh they all know what this guy is like' because Hickey's sweet-talking is so glaringly obvious to him. He's the only person we see who doesn't fall for it. (But then again, why bother anyone with something the caulker's mate says? He's just a lowly seaman.)
There does come a point where Crozier finally notices Hickey. When he's sober, they've abandoned the ships, and when he has to because the dance he's unknowlingly been engaged in is about to enter its final act. Hickey was just a convenient, nameless, faceless confidant/emotional punching bag, but now he's a very real, very conniving, and very clever threat. What in the hell is wrong with him?? Why is he so unhinged? Well, because Crozier helped to make him that way. Hickey was always going to do what he could to survive and get out of there, but with Crozier it became intensely personal. Hickey is, to a degree, a monster of Crozier's creation. Elevated and recognised then spurned and humiliated... That bit during the lashing where Hickey has that transcendent moment... Crozier created that. Long before, when he raised a glass and toasted the two of them, he tethered Hickey to him.
And, of course, Hickey has to sever that tie. He has to end it. To prove he's risen above, and has won. His victory is the final victory. Crozier was wrong to cast him aside (but Hickey is right to cast Crozier aside, because he's no longer worthy).
This post is, obviously, about Crozier and Hickey, but the moments in which Crozier thinks about Hickey actually are few and far between. When they occur, they're intense, yes, but so much of this is one-sided. Crozier has other concerns, after all, whether or not he deals with them well. Would Crozier paying more attention to Hickey help? Fuck no! Crozier is utterly unable to realise what's going on with Hickey and keep their interactions professional. And even if he could? Hickey isn't reading Captian/subordinate in their interactions. At best, Crozier could have packed Hickey off to Erebus where he might have been distracted and found it harder to turn the minds of other men. But Crozier didn't think to do that. Didn't realise that Hickey was obsessed with him, and the bond he became convinced that they shared. No one noticed, because Hickey is good at not being noticed, and also because there were so many other concerns weighing on everyone (including Crozier's health and method of captaining).
Even at the end, Hickey has that little speech with Crozier. He's showing off his power and position, while concluding this chapter of his life. Maybe part of him also wishes Crozier would praise him again, and recognise him, and express regret discarding Hickey. Hickey would still cast him aside, of course, but for a moment he could toy with offering forgiveness.
Crozier won't do any of those things, of course. He no more understand Hickey than he did months ago. He sees the actions, sees the unravelling of a man, but doesn't appreciate his own part in it. He has no idea how profoundly he's impacted Hickey's life (and thereby the lives of many of the other men).
Given the length of this, I'll wrap up my ramblings there, and remind anyone reading this that these genuinely are my rambling, and a meander through the meta that lives in my mind. I very much enjoy holding up my faves and pointing out all the broken bits, and it's so much fun exploring how these two interact and fuck each other up specifically. Take what you like and ignore what you don't!
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datastate · 1 year ago
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okay yeah that should be it i can now sleep at peace
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constellarcreator · 1 year ago
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I should actually draw my PN self insert interacting with the canon characters (I probably won't)
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