#interacting with more ppl so i feel it’s appropriate to make & share this

[saturnzlv]

saturn ✯ they/she • lesbian • adult • intp

☼ cancer / ☾ capricorn / ⇧ aquarius

-> ♫ on repeat

-> ♥︎ current favorites: bnha, studio ghibli, hxh, death note, tgswiiwagaa, arcane, tlou 1&2, dandadan ︎

-> ☆ literally just liking & reblogging. haven’t used tumblr this much since like 2021, but i’m back (￣^￣)ゞ asks are open for random convos

[7habitsofhighlyeviceratedpeople]

Hi I have some concerns regarding your server. I don't think it's a good idea to have your Outlast server be all ages... Outlast is a very adult game and isn't appropriate for teens to be discussing with random adults in a discord server, even if the discussions aren't necessarily bad, ie just gushing over a character or whatever; it's because of the nature of the game itself that makes it inappropriate. Red Barrels themselves don't want underage ppl interacting with their content either, their website has you put your date of birth in to even look at anything, and their official server actually is 18+. There's a reason why they do that. If there are minors in the server that get upset over not being allowed in anymore, if you do decide to make it 18+, then they can create their own Outlast server only for people their own age, so that its teens talking to teens with less risk of anything sus happening. I could never tell a 14 yr old to stop liking Outlast because I was a 14 yr old who loved Outlast, but being in the fandom and discussing aspects of the game with adults wasn't appropriate for me then and it still isn't now. I'm saying this from experience. Honestly I don't think any discord server even if totally SFW and clean should have both adults and teens in it because theres too mush risk involved. I think having a server for fans of Outlast is great and I'm sure fans in the server are happy with how it is, but making the server safer for both adults and minors in the server would probably make people happier

Hello! Sorry it took me a bit to get back to you, I just saw this today and needed some time to collect my thoughts because I wasn’t exactly sure how to approach this in a way that aligns with my own personal values for the server and also tries to adhere to what you are asking of me. I take the safety of people, especially minors in my server extremely seriously. I also got into Outlast at a young age and have had my fair share of experiences in the fandom with creeps, usually adults or just plain weird people. My server is 13+ to be the most inclusive, while trying to simultaneously make the space as safe as possible for everyone involved. While I agree that there are absolutely sus people in this fandom (more so than others) and that it can be extremely dangerous for minors to even coexist in the fandom with these people, as i’ve literally spoken about in the past, it’s very easy for bad situations to happen. That being said, I personally find it easier and more safe to curate my space in a way where it’s inclusive to minors while also keeping it as safe as I have control over making it. The rules are specifically designed to make sure that weirdos DONT get in, and we have a very active community with moderators enforcing these rules. We don’t allow anything NSFW to get in the server outside of the specified channels, which BY THE WAY are role locked. You HAVE to be 18+ (unless you feel comfortable lying to me which I can’t really control and i don’t want to completely lock minors out of the server just over the potential of a person lying to me which will result in an immediate ban) We don’t allow any sort of discussion about anything NSFW in any channels, including conversations about sex, drugs, etc. The rules are insanely fine tuned to make things as safe as possible, and as of right now myself and mods feel it is safer to keep the server the way it is, than to kick all the ppl who are younger than 18 out to go find some other worse server or make their own which i personally don’t find to be a super safe option either. Here they are more protected imo than if they went to seek out other servers/made one that was ONLY minors. This is my personal stance on the matter, and I understand that this isn’t what you wanted to hear. For that I apologize but I will always be prioritizing the safety of the people in my server in the best way i feel that I can. I feel like under the rules we have and the safety measures instated they are the most safe in this server than one that’s completely lawless and i feel like one minor lying to me about their age is less dangerous than a creep lying about THEIR age to get into a server full of fucking minors. Doesn’t sit right with me, once again I am sorry. I will consider making the server age requirement older and speaking to the mods and members about putting even more safety things in place but like i said I just feel safer with the way things are. My dms are open for concerns btw 🤞 There is more I could say on this but I feel like this gets my feelings across the best way I can :) to me it’s like banning smthn like abortion. (weird example i know) it doesn’t stop ppl from getting them but it just makes for a safer, more sterile environment! Remember it is a FANDOM server at the end of the day and this is a very different situation than Red Barrels putting an age thing on their websites (which ppl can just lie to with yr logic lol)

[xuune]

dropping this here because I kinda wish I'll snap out anytime soon from listening to the playlist you made for your last art, but here I am, booming 8:00, get me some, wyd, wounds will h.eal, and enclosed in my earphones at midnight. i think your music taste is fire, i'll give you that. mygods (��� •_•)ง

anw, I wanted to ask on how you decide and plan expressions/interactions for the characters when you draw your works? I always find your works to be so expressive. thanks in advance if you ever see this :OOO

p.s. I LOVE YOUR OCs, i think i'm in love with rael i genuinely wish they'll give me a headlock or smthn and i'll be happy p.p.s. i would marry your art if I could (i'm this fkn close 🤏 pls dont sue me)

(sorry for taking so long to reply, you'll know why once you read the rest of this lol)

im so glad that you had those as your faves bc those are some of mine too :D i've been seeing a few ppl rly enjoy 8:00, and if it wasn't for my friend recommending me that song, we wouldnt be here, and those drawings wouldnt have existed either, let alone the animatic i did

thank you for thirsting over my ocs, you don't know how much of a compliment that is whenever i see ppl react that way to them LOL. thats how i know i peaked with their design 😎 stay tuned for some other oc art, cuz im currently working on a piece for my friend's ocs. his ocs exist in the same universe as mine :)

i'll answer your question about planning expressions and interactions below, bc i have a lot to say about that:

when planning for expressions and interactions, i'm usually trying to answer a couple of these things:

what moment do i want to highlight

why is this moment significant

how do these characters feel in the moment, how to they react to each other, what's their motivations

what body language best answers the question above ^

basically, i'm asking myself "what's the scene?" -> "what do the characters feel in that moment?" -> "how do they act this out to convey that?" (that's how i was taught to read scripts for plays. you must understand character motivations before you figure out how to act their feelings out)

it's very important to have a good balance of body language and dialogue to convey the mood if/when appropriate, since sometimes strictly relying on dialogue to sell the moment w/o body lang or vice versa can tank the execution

i assume that you're more interested in how i planned the interactions for them sharing music? lmk if there's like specific ones, bc i can explain more for whatever else it may be

anyways, i start off with scripts of some kind. my scripts can be very barebones that just note a specific scene (i.e. "working at desk, listen to music together before class starts"), or that i build a moment based on a piece of dialogue (i.e. "better not queue anything lame"). here's the notes i made when i made the 8:00 animatic, since thats big on body language

i wanted to get down my main ideas first, which was figuring out the the lyrics i wanted to use paired with dialogue to match. i dont show my thinking much on some of my notes, but what i was getting at this:

story moment: dk connecting the context of the song to his intimate moment with bkg

key moments: waking up, playing with hands, eye contact w/ bkg

i didn't expand on the ideas for how those moments would look until i actually started thumbnailing for the animatic, which i showed briefly here. here's what i kept in mind for their expressions/interactions:

dk shies away from directly confronting bkg outwardly expressing his feelings for him via the song. he avoids it and changes the topic verbally to make the conversation lighthearted -> "what expresses avoidance?"

bkg is direct about his feelings, his actions and expressions must convey a direct confrontation, an attempt to make dk acknowledge how he feels about him thru the song and potentially get a response from him -> "what expresses straightforwardness?"

here's what i decided would visually answer those questions

the implications of character's expressions also factors in the circumstances of their situation. without the context, the execution tends to fall flat. if you didn't know that they were listening to a song that's all about romantic pining, then you probably would've been questioning why the fuck are they just staring at each other, or assumed that one is shy of the physical interaction when that's not the point; its the dawned realization and the acknowledgement of the other's feelings.

my other drawings for that thread followed the same kind of planning tbh, lol. all those drawings had the lyrics set the stage for how the characters are feeling, and i'd have to figure out what about their facial expressions and body language best matches the context of the situation. here's this brief example:

but yeah, that's generally how i plan for expressions/interactions. sometimes i just get a rush of interaction ideas that is centered on one specific question i want to explore, like:

what do their mundane parts of life look like?

how do they physically react to realizing their feelings for the other?

how is someone anxious about the other person's perception of them in the comic i'm drawing?

and then build off from there. hope that helped :D

[ketavinsky]

advice for 19 year olds?

hmmmm heres some stuff from myself and from observations of ppl i knew at 19

im not sure if this will apply to you mate, but when i was 18 i was really fighting to fit in a certain sort of hierarchy and be a certain sort of person. i didnt let go of that when i left my childhood home and i wish i had. dont perform to the standards of your birdcage

take care of the body you have. i didnt want to live at 19 and i did some shit to myself that i now sincerely regret. dont live for the future but dont punish yourself for shit that happened in the past yk

if youre 19 and living in dorms or college or halls of residence, dont shit where you eat. i was in a hall of residence, i witnessed this time and time again, just not worth the stress im ngl

try not to live in a snowglobe

try not to live in a lab. im guilty of this now and at 19. spent more time analysing people to bridge the gap between us than trying to actually interact with them. on the plus side i write about it now but, still. i think it helps to remember that youre making your life with each breath and step and people around you are your peers not your specimens

seek to understand everyone without needing to take them apart. be open. the world is so huge you know. theres so much to see and listen to

dont get into a serious relationship. or go ahead and lose yourself in people but idk, i figure 19 is too young to be gunning for the person that could make it all better for you forever

tell your friends you love them all the time regardless of context or consequence. youll wish you had, honest. treat every stranger as a friend to be

i really dont think you have to grind at first yesr undergrad lol but im not gonna encourage you to slack off and do fuck all just keep in mind i tried way too hard at undergrad and burnt out in sem1 of postgrad and dropped out lol

do everything you possibly can while you have the time but dont feel guilty for resting yknow. volunteer for things whenever you can.

dont fucking buy shein

write poetry about what it was like to be younger. it's important that you decide how you felt about all of it before someone decides for you

be weirder than you think appropriate

there is a limit to how far you should go for free drugs and it depends on you but you gotta trust your instinct. tbh i could do a whole paragraph on substance related advice but . when your gut tells you to get outta there gtfo. dont mix lsd and alcohol. share but dont be taken advantage of. if someone cuts you a line and it stings when you snort it's ket not coke and you should find a place to sit down.

theres so much to be excited about and so much to love. be good to yourself so you can see as much as you can

[snow-lumi]

Kinda but not really

Are you aro? But seriously: I don't distinguish between friendships and relationships anymore. Consent is more important than labels.

No

Probably

Kinda, but not strongly. I appreciate a very special person a whole lot tho.

I'm poly, but I have a stable sexual & romantic relationship so far.

I don't like what this traditionally means. I won't force myself to do things me and my partner don't want, but I am ready to invest a lot in someone. Consent is more important than labels.

A hot and aloof girl who says that she's dommy

Not sure yet

Not really

I wouldn't be opposed to it ig, but I don't really put much value in a legal contract. When you have real love you stay together without feeling forced to do so

I haven't ever really been betrayed imo. But I imagine I would

I used to, but being poly has made it mostly vanish

I have already described them

No

Not yet

Yeah

Almost, unless I'm depressive

Someone other than my df (datefriend)? Possible.

Possible

I have for 3 years. Cheating doesn't really exist in poly per se, tho I will ofc always stay with the boundaries me and my partner set.

I don't think so

Already am

I don't remember. My memory is really bad

I think so. One or both of my exes probably have

Kinda, tho they were more upset about it than I was

Nope

I'm thinking about orchiectomy, but I'm not sure yet

Yep

Yep

No, but I have had sex with a nonbinary person

Yes

Yep. All of the people I've kissed have been

Yeah. All of my romantic partners have been close friends

Yep

I don't remember

Yeah

I don't think so

Yep

Not super long ^^ but definitely depends on the situation and my partners preferences

3 years and a bit

1-2 ;) if you include nonbinary ppl then 3

At 11-12 years old - 0

A couple ^^

22

Hell yeah :) go get em tiger

Their emotional intelligence

I wouldn't want that. I'm not after that kind of relationship. They are free to be friends with me and see where the currents take us if they wanted tho

Not rn, tho I don't really like the way this is phrased

I've given up on being emotionally intimate with my last ex because we too often make each other's flaws worse

Not that I know of

All of the people I loved mean a lot to me

I'm not sure what qualifies

I'd rather not (dysphoria)

Nothing in particular. I'm in contact with all of them

Be kind, share your emotions, share your interests, accept me as I am, dominate me in bed

No 🌺

A couple of years? I'm bad with facts about people.

Whether I can talk openly with them (or at least that's the first thing I care about)

Treat me like a slut without free will 🌺 (with appropriately consent ofc)

Sexually stimulating someone with the intent of orgasm

I don't really have one, but I'd probably say like "crossing a partner's boundaries when it comes to interactions with other people"

My goto is kissing and caressing each other in bed. I like to use my nails as well

Explained a few questions ago

I don't really care much for dates. I just like meeting ppl and doing whatever works

Bi, but I don't like ppl who act like men. I use the word "finsexual" sometimes. Also I prefer t4t

My partners disinterest

Being touched

I don't really remembering dreams

A particular flavor of degradation

This is the section where I have to say "idk" a bunch because I have self esteem issues: idk

I like boobs and/or dick

Idk

Idk

I like the half plus seven rule. Tho when both ppl are above 21, there should be no hard boundaries. Power imbalance is a thing tho.

Secret before whom? As a horny trans person who is not out to the public, I have too much secrets and dirty to keep track of it all

When my (then gf) went on a date half a year ago

My df, earlier today

Timothy Chalamet, my crush, Zoe Bee, my df to some extent? They're not really my type, but I don't really care about it. And fifth, idk

My df

My first ex

See "give up on someone"

Already have twice. I think it's good if you use the right channels. Hetero ppl are kinda screwed with dating app options. For queer ppls: lex is good :3

vaguely nsfw asks

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

3. Are you a virgin?

4. Are you in a relationship?

5. Are you in love?

6. Are you single this year?

7. Can you commit to one person?

8. Describe your crush

9. Describe your perfect mate

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

11. Do you ever want to get married?

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

13. Do you get jealous easily?

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

15. Do you have any piercings?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Do you like kissing in public?

20. Do you shower every day?

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

43. How long was your longest relationship?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

47. How old are you?

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

55. Share a relationship story.

56. State 8 facts about your body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

64. What is your definition of cheating?

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

70. What turns you on?

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

83. Who was your first kiss with?

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

[chanstopher]

hii dreamy!! just wanted to say i love your gifs and content in general so so so much!!!! and you seem like a nice person who's also not afraid to call out people's bullshit which i appreciate because sometimes you just have to put your foot down and be like 'okay now stop being weird and an asshole in my askbox' you know 😭 anyway again i looooove your content thank you for sharing it and your love for chan with us 💓 i wish i had more courage (and time tbh) to make kpop/skz gifs, i feel so lost most of the time and like what i make isn't that good, and i know if i kept giffing kpop i'd get better but i don't feel like people care to see my gifs, i'm a pretty small blog... so i just get stuck in this 'my gifs aren't good enough and no one cares enough for me to try and get better at it' mindset :(( sorry for dumping all this on you i came here literally just to compliment and thank you rsdxjbk have a good day dreamy!!

omg ok first thank you so much for your sweeet words they mean so much to me. i know that sounds like the generic appropriate response but i really mean it, having ppl enjoy not just my content but me just being myself is really so important to me and it really makes me feel so happy. but about not feeling like ur content is worthy, i’m gonna tell you i struggle with that every single day bestie. if i let myself delete content i end up thinking is ugly, or if i only posted things i felt confident in this blog wouldn’t have like 90% of the content it does. and you are right that if you just practice things can get better, and i know it sounds ridiculous coming from a blog that does get notes but making content really is for yourself at the end of the day. i also think that when it comes to gif making people are both afraid to give constructive criticism to help others improve and get any kind of criticism because it’s something you put effort into already. sometimes i see content and i want to be like oh hey if you just adjust this setting your gifs wouldn’t be so grainy or like if you use this you can adjust the coloring better. but it feels mean (even though i never have those thoughts in a mean way) and also hypocritical cause i don’t like a lot of my own stuff for the same reasons xjxndn i don’t think you should give up on making content tho, i think most people would be willing to give tips or tutorials on how they do things to help make your gifs come out how you want them. also everyone starts out as a small blog, this blog is only like 2 1/2 years old and i think the only thing that truly matters if you want your following to grow is presence. i think posting consistently (not all the time just frequently enough to be in tags enough for ppl to start to remember your url) and being a vocal part of the fandom is all it takes. i personally find myself drawn to following blogs of people who talk about themselves, or express their thoughts on things more than say someone who makes content and is completely silent or just negative. i think having people learn about you is important to growing. now i’m not saying sharing your entire life, but for a silly example the number of times i see ppl in my tags being like “oh i bet dreamy giffed this for how his nose looked” because i’m so crazy about chris’ nose makes me feel nice, like someone is associating something with me specifically. i hope that makes any sense lmao, i think it just makes ME feel like the people i’m interacting with are real and i think that’s what people want out of blogs, a connection even if it’s a little one sided. sorry this is so long winded but my POINT is you shouldn’t feel intimidated or discouraged by the idea of making content just because your blog is small or you don’t think your content is “good enough” the beginning of creating and really starting to find your place in a fandom space is always the hardest, but the rewards of finding friends and learning how to get better at making content is really worth it. it’s given me a lot of my best friends outside of fandom, and it’s given me skills i’ve used outside of tumblr, so i cannot really praise it enough. ok i am shutting up now but if you ever want help or advice i’m totally here for you 🖤🤍

[ranboo5]

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

[crimeronan]

that last reblog has me musing on healthy friendships between adults and minors. i’ve seen a lot of good posts about how to spot predatory behavior, but i haven’t seen many about what healthy behavior looks like. & i know i have some younger people following me for various fandoms, so

signs of a healthy friendship w/ an adult:

they don’t do the obvious predatory things; they don’t send you sexual content or ask you sexual questions, they don’t tell you that you don’t “seem” like a minor, they don’t start inappropriate conversations

they don’t do the less obvious predatory things; they don’t ask you to keep secrets or try to isolate you from others or ask inappropriate favors or use you as a key source of emotional support*

you’d be comfortable with your parents seeing your conversations (or, if you can’t trust your parents, you’d be comfortable with a trusted adult seeing your conversations)

they’d be comfortable with your interactions being shown to people; they don’t ask you to ‘hide’ anything

they set clear boundaries; they tell you when they’re not comfortable offering guidance, when they’re uncomfortable with a conversation in general, etc.

they respect YOUR boundaries; they drop or redirect conversations when asked, they don’t ask for invasive details about trauma or your living situation, etc

you aren’t nervous about telling them when you’re uncomfortable - or at least, you aren’t more nervous than you are with anyone else. some ppl have anxiety disorders or struggle to articulate discomfort, i get it

on that note, you shouldn’t feel more anxious or nervous around them than you do around other trusted adults.  

you don’t need to have a Reason for the nervousness - sometimes a person’s intensity or conversational style is just stressful.  the same might happen w/ peers your age.  a beneficial friendship shouldn’t make you feel consistently tense/on edge, even if the other party hasn’t done anything “wrong”

(people don’t need to Commit A Transgression for you to want to stop interacting with them.  if they’re not making your life better, you don’t need to keep them in your life.)

your friendship is based around mutual interests - fandoms you enjoy, creative work you’re doing, hobbies you share, etc.  you both have an equal interest in the things you talk about, & your conversations focus on common ground between you

you’d be comfortable with them interacting with others in your life - peers your age and trusted adults.

they are respectful of you as a person; they act with appropriate awareness of your age, but they don’t condescend to you or tell you they wish you were older or treat you like an infant they’re in charge of babysitting. basically, they aren’t an asshole.

if they are comfortable being asked for emotional support or guidance (not all adults are!), they offer advice and support from the perspective of a mentor, rather than the type of support you’d expect from a peer your age.  they’ll also tell you when they don’t feel like they can give helpful advice (see: boundaries)

there are other healthy signs; these are just some basics

please note that it is possible for friendships to have some of these elements while still being unhealthy.  this is not a checklist for a Guarantee Of Healthy Dynamics And Stability.  it is, however, a good place to start if you’re not sure what an okay friendship with an adult looks like.

*the emotional support thing is complex: there’s nothing wrong with comforting an older friend who’s sad or grieving or having mental health struggles.  but you Shouldn’t be a person they’re Relying Upon for support - they shouldn’t be leaning on you for constant help managing their feelings/struggles.

this is bc adults and adolescents tend to be in very different places where emotional processing is concerned.  an adult will find more helpful emotional support from other adults, similar to how you might find more relatable emotional support from your peers than from adults. it’s bc of where different people are developmentally

(also, like, an 18 year old and a 17 year old are very similar developmentally.  a 30 year old and a 17 year old are not.  how much older they are makes a difference.)

an adult who depends heavily on you for support isn’t Necessarily doing so with predatory intent.  but they Are making the choice to ask an adolescent to be partially responsible for their emotional wellbeing.

you’ll see a lot of people talk abt the trauma of being the emotional support system for their parent(s) growing up (and might have experienced it yourself); similar dynamics are at play here.

there are also codependent relationship dynamics that are unhealthy Even When both involved parties are adults.  some adults may purposefully look for codependent support from minors because they’re aware you haven’t had as much life experience with setting boundaries, saying no, & recognizing unhealthy demands.  which is predatory; not all predatory behavior is sexual.

[violentviolette]

I know a lot of people say “masking” is corny or whatever in the cluster b community but I still want some helpful tips. I find that I push people away easily with being too blunt and verbally aggressive, I always have to tell it as it is. It doesn’t help me get forward and get by at work and with people. I’d appreciate any “masking” tip you can share, thanks.

akshakajdjsj "masking is corny" what is wrong with ppl truly

I dont understand a lot of what ppl are talking about when they talk about masking because like, they really dont know what it means and some ppl say masking when they mean not being an active dickhole

but anyway masking can be a really useful tool and while it definitely is exaughsting long term and u shouldn't have to mask around ppl ur close to we all also gotta survive capitalism and interact with our coworkers and acquaintances and like, the dude at the deli counter.

honestly the biggest thing to make it easier is knowing that no one (that u know casually this doesnt apply to partners and close friends) wants ur opinion, genuinely. even if they say they do they dont want that from someone they dont know intimately. no one wants u to say what u really feel or the hard truth or the blunt reality. volunteer as little information and give as little of ur actual thoughts as possible. be polite and agreeable because thats what most ppl are expecting in 90% of casual social interactions

me masking is extreamly well liked irl and I do well at jobs because I literally just smile, nod, laugh where appropriate and tell ppl what it is they clearly want to hear. I dont add my thoughts of volunteer info or give suggestions, even if I know or think itll help. I just let ppl talk and give some basic responses so they feel heard and thats it

also I tend to focus on tone and expression in order to do this. I practiced having a more friendly nuetral expression (corners of mouth turned up instead of down, eyes softer but still paying attention to something, I usually to for ppls nose or chin since it looks like I'm looking at thier face) and some small smiles and friendly sounding laughs. I also make my voice a bit higher because ppl read that as friendlier. and when I say practiced I do mean that literally, sit in front of a mirror and make different faces and nods and laughs and see what feels the most natural and friendly. I practice expressions often to get my face muscles used to the motions and make it easier and more natural

also filler, small laughs, nods, expressions or other little side things to show ur engaged in a conversation. filler also helps if u struggle with tone, adding casual speech habits like "like, um, u know, right" ect tends to set ppl more at ease because it gives more casual vibe and makes u seem less harsh or confrontational

adding "u know what I mean?" or "if that makes sense?" to the end of a more blunt statement helps it feel less aggressive and more like u just sharing ur thoughts and makes the other person feel less targeted and more like ur having a conversation

I hope that helps lemme know if u want any more specific ones or anything. I honestly have a lot of tips cause I know way too much about human behavior and social interactions and I need to do something with my degree lmfaooo

[justtogetthrough]

I truly don't get people who go quiet when they're in a depression episode or whatever. Like, if someone asks me how I'm doing or what I did today I'd be like oh my god, social connection, a chance to get this all out of my head and feel a modicum of love in return, let me tell you aaaaalll about it bc I don't wanna dump it on ppl when I think I need to but if you're asking it's obv a good time for it so yes I will tell you what's on my heart and mind. Thank you so much for offering me this chance to be open about my suffering.

But

Other people just... open my messages with those checking-in questions and then leave them on read and I'm sad bc I do truly wanna know and I'm sad bc I don't know how to help other than show interest and offer oortunity to talk if they want to.

For me, being chronically lonely and forced into silence when all I long for is to get support from people, I cannot comprehend having the chance to receive that support and not taking it. Choosing to not answer and let the text convo move on in an hour when I find something new to bring up that isn't about their personal experience and brings us back to a neutral or superficial topic to at least elicit responses from them, receive that engagement.

How are they not bursting, waiting, for the chance to share what's wrong and receive love and support in return?

Am I weird for how desperately intensely I long for those things due to chronic childhood neglect and repeated abandonment from people and institutions who were supposed to help me? I want someone to care about how I'm doing so bad I always answer ppl's how are you questions. Appropriate to the time and place of course, and level of relationship. But I have close friends who don't feel compelled to be heard and understood at any possible chance it appears. What has their life been like that leads them to not answer. Is it lack of trust? Am I bad at providing what they need? Idk man. It means everything to me when friends are there for me and they ask and I respond and when I love these friends as much as I do, i want to offer that back to them. I don't understand why they don't want that when from my point of view it is the most life affirming interaction someone could do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do instead to cheer someone up or help them feel loved or supported or even at minimum brighten their day. This unknowing social schemas for stuff like this, not understanding social things, or situations that don't play out as I plan internal, these are significant reasons why I think I could be on the spectrum bc I really struggle with not understanding what people do or don't want from me. I know what I would want for them, but there's this break down of theory of mind I guess and I just... social norms don't make sense to me and don't come naturally but I try my best and I follow scripts bc in reality I have no idea what I should be doing. All I want is for my friends to feel loved and supported. Idk where exactly the disconnect happens and it drives me nuts. I wish I understood social interactions and relationships more bc sometimes I just really wanna be that person who can make others feel better.

But I just don't get how, I don't think I was born a fully formed human being so I didn't come stocked with that skill and I've yet to find a manual. So.

Instead I get extremely high on zopiclone mixed with other sedatives and write about it on tumblr dot com in case writing and thought organizing reveals any new insight.

So far it hasn't.

I feel like even my thoughts are slurring right now.

I just want to love people in a way that feels warm and safe and comfy for them and I'm afraid I don't know how to love people in those ways and I'm afraid I am missing key knowledge normal people have that makes this more successful for them idk

It's really hard for me consistently and I'm just

Tired

Frustrated

Defeated

I want to love you. I don't know how to do it properly or in the way that you want.

[madmadmilk]

How did you gain followers?

gonna answer this as candidly as i can lol!! and keep in mind this is THIS blogs personal journey! there is no specific formula to ‘grow your blog,’ but there are definitely things you can do to attract attention to yourself AND make people wanna hang around 🤓

how /this blog/ gained followers 👩🏻‍💻

creating original content – when i started here (like almost 3 years ago) i posted fics / original content every few days lol. i consistently posted things in active fandoms & tagged them appropriately so it could be seen! [[ reality: it’s hard to gain followers if you don’t put out anything on your own, because how would they find you ? ]]

personality in the tags and out - lol i put so much effort and thought into my tags, especially when it’s under another piece of original content. it’s a great idea to pay a compliment forward, even when its just in the tags!! shout out loud in there!! people like to see what you think, and can come to like you for it!

reblogging instead of liking - reblogging is the height of interaction on this website!! a “like” is always wonderful, but it’s like putting something into your pocket. no one sees it and no one knows its there. but if you reblog, it’s like proudly posting it on the wall of your home! people will come back to see what crazy shit you have up lol. (for reference i have a queue for 30 posts spread throughout the day, while i reblog sporadically as well).the goal is to hit 100,000 posts on this blog this year lmaoooo

maintaining friendships & a healthy amount of space - i tried to get familiar with the people in the fandoms that i’m in! (i’m still so terrible tho lol)  send asks, acknowledge ppl when they acknowledge you & be friendly!! but be mindful that: we are online friends with lives outside of tumblr. we don’t know everything about everybody & certain situations/interactions are simply ~not real~. don’t take negative/neutral interactions personally –– but try your best to be a positive and safe space for others!

prioritizing personal happiness & interest - nowadays, i only create when i have the inspiration or time to. i don’t bend over backwards to post, or beat myself up over missing deadlines/events. obviously, i WANT to create and share and be validated for my efforts, but my happiness and sanity are more important. it’s ok to take breaks, step back, or simply enjoy scrolling! there will always be time to grow online, but your well-being today is more important than anything else. even online, people can feel your sincerity.

luck of the draw - lol i just always have to bring it up, but parts of ‘online virality’ depends on luck. the right person finds you, or you say the funniest shit one time –– it just takes one moment. so make lots of moments! keep trying! give luck lots of opportunity to find you!!

aaaaand that’s all i can think of for now! followers and online friendships are wonderful and a truly unique experience, but it all won’t matter if you’re not enjoying yourself. tumblr is a hobby not a job 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 take it all one day at a time, and happy blogging! 🌈💞💕

[zenyattasperceptrons]

I think there's a lot of discussion that goes on that is hinged on the automatic assumption that sexual content is not appropriate for children and they should never see it.

And im not saying that's wrong, I don't know that much about child psychology. But i also don't feel like it's a sure thing and i think there's a lot more consideration we need to put into the question before we knee-jerk react to it. Because I'm pretty sure "children shouldnt be exposed to sexual context" is based WAY more in our societal beliefs than any sort of science

Like, first of all, i think it's important to say that children definitely should not be forced to see or interact with things that they're uncomfortable with, unless theres a VERY good reason to do so & this reason is explained very clearly to the child & they're given support afterwards. Whether its sexual content or hugging relatives or seeing pictures of dogs, children's (and everyone's, really) discomfort should be taken very seriously. I am not at all advocating for anything against that and in fact think children's boundaries should be much more respected than they generally are these days.

But ppl are very quick to jump to the idea that sexual content Will Always make children uncomfortable. And i think there are some questions to be asked abt that.

One, what is sexual content? Are breasts sexual? Are flat chests sexual? Are nipples sexual, but everything up to that is ok? Are genitals sexual? What about in medical diagrams? What if someone is interacting with them? What about kink gear? What if someone is fully dressed, but in clothes that are associated with kink? Are swimsuits less sexual than underwear? Is kink gear more sexual than underwear?

Etc, etc, etc. There are so many choices to be made here.

And then secondly...is sexual content something that necessarily makes kids uncomfortable, or is that a discomfort that they're culturally raised with? Sex wasn't always such a private thing, when people all lived together in shared rooms. It could just be a discomfort we're teaching them, or projecting on them. And maybe it's something that we all, in the end, just need to get over (while ofc, still respecting boundaries.)

And these questions are why discussions around sexuality at pride kind of tick me off. Not because i hold a really close belief one way or the other--I'm not really sure what the right step is (though i have some knee-jerk reactions myself). But because a lot of people seem to be clinging to a very puritain belief that sexual content is BAD FOR CHILDREN!!!!! without examining that belief at all.

[gloxinian]

ik i talked to him abt wanting to still be friends but, after thinking a lot, i’m really not comfortable still talking to somebody that was that toxic to me fr so long.  and ik posting this might not be the “classiest” thing to do but i feel like i have to get it off my chest bc otherwise a part of me is pushing to say “it wasn’t that bad” or to excuse it bc “well he apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again” even tho he kept doing these things and showed literally no signs of changing.  and i’m so tired of entering these conversations and having it lead to no change or be twisted to be about pitying him.  this isn’t really a callout or anything so i’m leaving his name out and there aren’t receipts or anything.  it might sound trivial bc i’m starting with the small stuff and working forward but idk.  i’m just tired and felt like i needed to write smth out.

im not sure the best way to word this, but i never felt like i could enjoy things or have things just fr myself.  the only way i could talk abt things was if i was criticizing them or it was smth he loved.  these are just a few things and alone each of them would just be annoying, but it all just compounded into making me feel miserable like i wasn’t allowed to love anything.

when i showed him a series that was very important to me, the first the he did was insult the art style, characters, story, etc.

when i started getting excited about pokemon swsh and the new pokemon, he immediately started mocking my favorite ones and sending me posts/articles talking abt how the game was going to be garbage, even after i asked him to stop.

when i got my first noise cancelling headphones and was excited abt how well they worked, he immediately told me that it was a good thing they were noise cancelling so i wouldn’t be able to hear him crying.

constantly glancing over my shoulder and making fun of what he saw me playing or enjoying.  new game he doesn’t play?  looks stupid/cheap/boring.  not doing great?  makes fun of me for doing poor even after i repeatedly tell him to stop.

and whenever he said something particularly upsetting like that headphones thing, he would immediately say “oh it’s an intrusive thought” or “oh it was just a joke” when i got upset and confronted him about it.  and he’d immediately turn around and make the situation about him and how i should be pitying him.

the worst examples of this come from over a year ago when i was still in college.  my depression was hitting me really hard bc i was back living at home instead of dorms, i was struggling really hard with classes, and had teachers that mocked me whenever i tried to ask questions.  i was actively suicidal during this time and had repeatedly expressed worries to friends and family that i wouldn’t be able to support myself in the future, that i was a failure, and i felt like my only option was to drop out so i would have at least some control in my life.  this was the lowest point i’d ever been.  i’m going to list a few things that happened from smallest to worst and it’s important they all happened during this time.  and he was aware this is how i was during this time.

he was friends with somebody that actively hated me.  fine, not that big of a deal bc friends don’t always get along with boyfriends.  but how this was handled was absolutely horrid.  this friend insulted me whenever i spoke, even told me i shouldn’t talk period.  he kept being friends with them and insisting we hang out more.  that friendship only ended after (1) they accused me of being a pedophile bc i felt physically sick hearing ppl talk abt loli/shota stuff.  and i was the only one who called this out for being so.  fucked up.  to call someone that for being distressed by even seeing cp terms.  he only said he’d talk to said friend after i was incredibly/vocally upset abt this. 

one night depression almost got the best of me and i stopped responding to any calls/texts/etc.  said friend got annoyed he was scared i might actually be dead.  this was the event that actually ended that friendship and honestly i’m mostly upset it took that friend literally not caring if i was dead for my boyfriend to actually give a shit how i was being treated.

he fucking.  cheated on me.  and told me how he was planning on moving in with the person he was cheating on me with “in case things didn’t work out with me”.  he knew i was suicidal over being uncertain about my future and did this, even telling me he was cheating on me BECAUSE of me being suicidal and uncertain.

the worst thing for me is that ofc he managed to make this about him.  maybe it doesn’t make sense for it to feel worse, but it does to me for some reason.  last time we even spoke about him cheating on me, he went on and on about how he hurt he was bc he felt used by the person he cheated on me with.  bc that person stopped talking to him after he told them he didn’t want to do sexual stuff anymore. 

things didn’t really get “better” or anything once i graduated.  if anything, they just got more stressful.  i was still stressed at whether i’d be able to support myself, but a bit more stable now that i had a job and a degree.  my ex moved in with the promise that he would be working to get a job so that he could support himself, grow confidence, and keep things equal.  i don’t.  have the energy to detail everything and don’t know if it’s right.  but the short of it is that i constantly had to nag him to even send out applications and he didn’t even want to go to interviews.  things got really stressful between us and it eventually came out (after i told him the relationship was unhealthy and unbalanced, that i had no desire to support him entirely as this was a source of extreme stress and a lot to ask of someone new to the work force, etc) that he expected me to fully support him financially and that was what he wanted.

he wanted me to fully support him financially, to take responsibility for improving his entire emotional maturity and recovery without taking any initiative, and to fully care for him once i got home from a full day of work (as i’ve been doing).  there was never a “what can i do for you?” or any signs/desire for positive change.  it was only “what are you going to do for me?”.  the relationship was incredibly unhealthy, unblanced, and it was clear that i wasn’t a partner but a surrogate caretaker.  and when i broke up with him, he accused me of breaking my promise to support him.

and i just.  i’m tired.  the whole relationship felt manipulative and unhealthy, looking back.  i don’t know.  maybe i’m wrong.  but i just don’t feel comfortable continuing to speak to somebody who repeatedly put me down, treated me like an expendable resource, and targeted the thing they knew i was most vulnerable about (my own independence and being able to support myself) when he knew that had made me suicidal in the past.

i know we have some shared friends and he’s probably going to paint me like some villain to you guys.  he already compared me to his previous abuser multiple times.  i don’t want to start some stupid “war” or drama or whatever and won’t push back or argue or anything because i have a ton on my plate both health and financially right now.  i don’t have the energy for stupid drama.  maybe i included more details than i should have, but i also left out a lot of details because i’m not really sure how much is appropriate here since this isn’t a callout or whatever.  there aren’t “receipts” since many of these things were personal interactions and i’m not looking to prove anything or make a callout.  you don’t have to believe me or read this or idk.

i just wanted to get this all off my chest.

[bthump]

What do you think Guts’ relationship with the other major members of the Hawks was like? Obviously during the Golden Age, we see him interact the most with Griffith and Casca, but do you think he felt very close to the other named Hawk members? Something I kind of wish we got to see more of was the Hawks just like, hanging out, but most of that would have happened during the 3 year time skip.

ia it would’ve been really nice to see more casual interaction between them. I feel like the Hawk captains (judeau, casca, rickert, pippin, corkus) get all the narrative space, especially when guts is reminiscing post-eclipse, but we don’t really see much actual friendship between them and guts - like his relationships there all seemed like plot convenience, eg his deep relevant exposition talks with Judeau, his rivalry followed by romance w/ Casca, Corkus being an asshole who occasionally says harsh truths. And Pippin and Rickert just kind of round out the group as two familiar faces we can grow fond of who get a lot of background moments and asides together.

imo they don’t really feel like a group of people who would naturally be friends lol, they feel like Miura just picked a bunch of useful personalities to make for a relatively well-rounded group of familiar faces. Which still kind of works, because presumably they’re all friends because they’re the Hawk captains and end up spending a lot of time together by default discussing war stuff or w/e, like they don’t really have to feel like a naturally occuring group bc they’re not.

Guts’ casual friendshippy hanging out moments, few and far between as they are, tend to be with Gaston and the nameless Raiders, from what I recall. Like gambling with them while Casca’s telling him about the upcoming battle of doldrey, or going off to drink w/ them after the 100 man fight, and Guts offhandedly mentioning that he knows their hopes and dreams

and the Raiders getting their cute teary moments after Guts leaves and after he comes back

and thinking about them in terms of the place he belongs

(like lbr it’s kind of bullshit that corkus gets multiple post-eclipse flashbacks and gaston doesn’t get any iirc, but i guess that’s mostly bc the audience knows corkus better, rather than bc guts was closer to him)

Like his interactions with the Hawk captains are always somewhat plot relevant, while the Raiders pretty much just exist to show that Guts has friends lol, so their relationship with him is simple and only seen occasionally but it’s p nice and warm feeling yk?

anyway wrt the hawk captains, I think you can make a case for Guts being good friends with Judeau. They do talk a lot about heavy plot-relevant personal shit after all, and there’s a bit while Guts is suiting up to go Black Swordsmaning and he mentions Judeau taught him how to throw knives. Plus early on Judeau is the one who kind of goes out of his way to include Guts and help him fit in. Though I also think you can make a case for Judeau secretly resenting him a bit deep down under the happy go lucky persona, considering his hinted-at self-esteem issues and feelings for Casca and wishing he was the best at something, etc. Plus to me he seems a little… judgy, here in particular.

I think there’s enough of a foundation to extrapolate a fairly interesting and complicated friendship between these two in particular tbh.

Rickert gets his moment with congratulating Guts on his first promotion, which is when Guts starts to think that maybe he wants to stay with the Hawks, but they don’t really interact much otherwise as far as I remember, aside from everyone dragging him down to the first party and later on Rickert telling Guts that Griffith crashed and burned because of him. Same with Pippin, he’s just kind of there being chill for the most part. Like yk, they seem perfectly friendly with him, but not in a particularly interesting way imo.

Corkus is kind of a weird anomaly where he has clearly never stopped disliking Guts but Guts is still perfectly comfortable sharing his hopes and dreams and Griffith obsession with him for some reason. idk about him lol. I guess they kind of have the sort of relationship you get when you’re forced to tolerate someone you don’t like and maybe end up growing fond of them despite yourself? At least from Guts’ pov, idk if I see any evidence that Corkus is fond of Guts.

Also it feels relevant that the other Hawk captains all seem to hang out together more without Guts than with Guts. Like we see them all sitting at a tavern together hanging out a few times (Guts asking where Griffith is after he kills Adonis, Casca asking where Griffith is while he’s ruining everyone’s lives), Pippin and Rickert hang out a lot on the battlefield, we see Judeau and Corkus already chilling together before Guts runs into them on his way out of Midland, Judeau’s been a little protective of Casca from the start, like in this little background moment during the Zodd fight:

Guts is the last one to join them and he has serious outsider issues, so it feels appropriate that he tends to be a little separate from them on page. Swinging his sword instead of joining them at Griffith’s promotion, standing outside the ballroom while everyone else hears that they’re going to be promoted to knights, and maybe spending more casual downtime with the Raiders than them?

Though Guts is still close enough to them that it seems obvious he still hung out with them a lot off-page, in the moments we didn’t see. Like, I’ll always love this official art for that vibe, eg:

ALSO I kind of get the impression of a group of ppl who end up being friends with each other because they’re already all friends with the one central person in the group, ie Griffith. That’s not technically true since they’re all the same rank so they seem more like co-workers than a friends group, and Griffith has his weird definition of friendship as well as being the leader lol, but it feels like a fitting analogy I guess?

Like if Guts does casually hang out with them as a group off page, I feel like it would be largely because Griffith is also there, and if he isn’t, Guts would still have fun but with one eye on the door waiting for him to show up.

[toycarousel]

Hey scotchcarousel.. sorry if this sounds stupid. but i have a friend who has bpd and when they have bad days, i have a really hard time cheering them up. Do you have any advice I can help them out even more? It just breaks my heart seeing them having a bad moments. (sorry if this is heavy for me to ask..)

It doesn’t sound stupid at all, Anon~!!! And no question is too heavy to ask of me, I promise I don’t mind, personally~! What I can’t promise is that my advice will be useful, or appropriate, because I’m by no means any form of medical professional!!! So my advice should be taken with a grain of salt, and if you don’t find it helpful, that’s okay~!!! I just want to share what I can!

And what I can share with you is what I’ve learned, living with BPD, and actively attending DBT for it~!!! 

Us folks with BPD experience emotions very strongly.  What might seem like the slightest thing can set us off, ruin our day, drive us to harm ourselves in some way (directly, with addiction, etc.,) and in general, we have intense impulses based on those extra-potent emotional responses! A few of the psychiatrists in my DBT program told my family members that a person with BPD is a lot like an emotional burn victim.  A paper-cut on someone who is not a burn victim is just a minor pain, but on a burn victim that small thing can hurt so, so much.   

Anyways, as someone with BPD, when I’m experiencing an extreme low (which is often), I feel torn between having company, and being given space.  So, before you do either of these things, be sure to ask your friend, like, “do you feel it would feel better to have alone time right now, or have some company? Which would you prefer?” If the friend doesn’t want company, don’t take it personally!!! It’s definitely not personal, it’s sometimes just hard to interact with folks sometimes, when we’re feeling extremely pained.

However, the opposite may be true too.  And when you ask that question, make it clear that you are not trying to abandon them, or get out of spending time with them.  A good way of phrasing it might potentially be “I know sometimes people prefer to have some alone time when they’re in great pain, to think things out.  And that’s okay! But if, at any moment, you change your mind and want company, I will always be happy to talk to you and spend time with you! You genuinely mean so much to me, and I like being around you, even when times are hard.” 

Sometimes being given proof that someone loves us, even in our bleakest hours, can help immensely.  And you don’t have to use my exact wordings above, but they’re just there to give you a general idea of what might be a good thing to ask before proceeding with more of what I’m going to offer below~!!!

For cheering up specifically, if you know your friend wants and/or needs the company, and the support, there are some skills specifically made for ppl with BPD, written by a famous psychiatrist named Marsha Linehan (who also has borderline personality disorder).  

Accumulating positives is the name of a skill that can be helpful for ppl with BPD to utilize.  Basically, what it entails is hyper-focusing on the smallest halfway decent thing that may have happened that day, or even during past days.  The person with BPD often has to kind of collect these things themselves, and think about their day in terms of each, singular moment.  

Like, for example, today has been a bad day for me, but I had a decent smoke break a couple hours ago, where I felt kinda inspired and encouraged.  My thoughts were a little more confident in that very brief moment.  So I’m focusing on that, in order to remember that even when everything is agonizing, and nothing feels good -- I was still able to experience that tiny moment of okay-ness.  Which means I can build on that.  My life doesn’t have to be pure unhappiness, and there is always still hope for me to live a good life.

In order for you to help your friend out with this skill, I wouldn’t really rehearse verbatim what I’ve said here, because for all I know they may think you’re trying to say “just think positively, and everything will be better! : )” Which isn’t what the skill is about at all.  It’s a concentrated effort to find, and hold onto those tiny joys.  It’s not at all about pretending to be happy, or forcing ourselves to be optimistic.  We actually have to find something that genuinely made us smile, even if it only lasted for half a millisecond.  And then accept that the tiniest thing still counts for something.  

For you to encourage that in your friend, I’d try to make your friend smile, to the best of your ability.  Accumulate positives for them, but not in a pushy way, just in a casual way, like bringing up good memories, rubbing their shoulders if they are comfortable being touched, giving them a scalp massage, telling them that you’re impressed by how strong they’re being despite all their pain -- let them know that you care about them, and that they don’t have to put on a happy face for you to love them -- you know they’re brave, and good, and they’re allowed to cry, or be mad at the world.  

Also, letting someone with borderline know that you think they’re a good person, who deserves better than to feel the way they do during particularly hard times, can make a huge difference.

The first time my bf told me something like “I can see myself building a life with you.  I can see you growing old, and being happy in life,” I just sobbed.  Like, people have told me how much they care before, but because of my behaviours, and addictions, a lot of people have told me that they just think I’m going to die all the time; they picture me meeting a bad end, because they’re worried.  They’re afraid for me, but they’ve, at times, lost sight of what our lives, and my life, could still be.  They’ve lost a lot of hope for me.  Don’t lose hope for your friend.  

In that instance, having someone by my side to say that my life means something to them, that they want to be by my side, and that they think that I, as a person, have potential -- was massive for me.  It was heart-wrenching, but exactly what I needed to hear. 

Maybe there’s something specific that your friend needs to hear?

No matter what, I think you’re being an excellent friend by just being present for this person, and by wanting to help them feel better~! 

Sometimes distractions work for cheering us up too.  Like bringing us to a movie, or playing video games with us (anything your friend usually enjoys).  We may look miserable during the entire thing, and not smile at all, but we still appreciate having a reprieve from our ruminating on painful thoughts -- a distraction.

During all this, though, Anon, remember to care for yourself as well.  I know you want to help your friend, and I have complete faith that you can~!!! But you deserve to be cared for too, so don’t sacrifice all your own self-care in aiming to help your friend... you deserve to be healthy and happy too.  Do what you can, be the kindest person you can to your friend, and if it doesn’t seem to work, keep trying whenever you have the energy.  If you don’t have the energy, that’s okay!!! Be sure to take as much time off as you need for yourself to recover~!!!!!!!!! You’re important too!!!!!

Anyway, I know that was a little scattered.  I can send you some online links for resources, if you’d like~! Just let me know!!! And best of wishes, to you and your friend! I hope you both feel much better soon~

[comicteaparty]

February 25th-March 3rd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from February 25th, 2019 to March 3rd, 2019.  The chat focused on AntiBunny: The Gritty City Stories by Vincent Davis aka Vinnie D.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on AntiBunny: The Gritty City Stories by Vincent Davis aka Vinnie D.~! (http://AntiBunny.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until March 3rd to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. Who or what do you think “Dark Pooky” is? Why does “Dark Pooky” refer to Pooky as Ptolemy and what does the supposed missing gap of 50 years have to do with it? What do you think “Dark Pooky” has intended for Pooky?

QUESTION 4. What is the mysterious glow that surrounds Penny that only Agent Wesson and Agent Smith/Ed can see? Unrelatedly, do you think Penny will fix the robot she found? How will either of these scenarios affect her and the other characters’ futures?

AntiBunny

Hi everyone. I'm the author of AntiBunny. I'll just be quietly reading here and gathering feedback. I really appreciate this opportunity to hear some in depth thoughts on my work, and as always I invite you to draw your own conclusions.

Delphina

Are there navigation arrows somewhere I'm not seeing?

RebelVampire

theyre on the right side bar

Delphina

Ahhh, thank you

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What do you think happened in Pandora’s past that made her so well-known but ultimately got her killed by Agent Wesson? Do you believe Mulligan will get his revenge at the end of the day?

RebelVampire

1) im picking two scenes cause i can and nobody can stop me. the first scene i really liked was the warehouse confrontation with the bomb. i liked pooky both got some answers but also basically went "nope im out yo." the combination worked for me and made it both humorous and narratively satisfying. the other scene i liked was the scene where hannibal is waiting in the hospital and just casually talking to mulligan without realizing who he is. then mulligan reveals himself in the most crass way possible. again, i just like the combination. its funny, but narratively satisfying since i kept wondering when wed get to see penelope's dad ever since he was mentioned. 2) penelope. Idk. theres just something i really like about penelope. She's go this good sense of optimism and faith, but shes not overbearing or crazy. And even if she's not some rebellious sleuth or fighter or anything, the comic shows that her words have the power to change things just as much the fighting and other elements. 3) Well given a scene that was part of nailbat's story, Pooky is pretty obviously involved with enchanted forest. I imagine some boss type figure. And Pooky might be some prized experiment somehow? like the next step in bunny evolution or something like that. but maybe pooky had like the longest incubation period known to all sapient kind. As for what dark pooky intends, more evil science. I mean you don't get to be called dark pooky if you do the good science.

4) I'm not sure I have good theories about the glow. Like, maybe again, another part of dark pooky science somehow. Like a desire mutation that is a signal for the next stage of evolution. As for the robot, yes, i think penny will. and I'm really looking forward to it considering who that robot is. I think it's really going to be an emotional rollercoaster for everyone. 5) well given superheroing is a thing in this world, probably that or something. maybe not superheros but like a step down. like neighborhood watch on steroids. or maybe a group of detectives. i think pandora discovered something she shouldnt have though, which put her at odds with agent wesson. as for mulligan's revenge, nah i highly doubt it. more just because i think someone is going to get to agent wesson long before he does. and narratively speaking, i think mulligan's arc will be more about putting his kids first and revenge second.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 6. Do you believe that Pooky will once again become a successful reporter? What trouble might Pooky’s pursuit of this cause? Alternatively, what good might come of it?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Who do you think Agent Wesson works for? Also, what do you think happened to Agent Wesson after the bridge explosion, and what consequences will that have for the story?

RebelVampire

6) I don't think Pooky is gonna rekindle that journalist career. Mostly because if Pooky lives to see the end of this story I will be very surprised. However, I think Pooky's pursuit will change the world regardless and force humans and rabbits alike to confront ugly truths about themselves and the world theyve created. Cause that seems to be a heavy theme and Pooky has shown to know how to work the media to drive that message home. 7) Enchanted Forest. And Agent Wesson is probably alive and probably plotting some hardcore revenge against Pooky. Agent Wesson will also bide time and wait until we've basically forgotten the character and then blamo, everything is ruined, sad times are had, etc. etc. etc. It will not be a good time

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. Do you think Penelope will manage to testify against Mr. Huge, or will she inevitably be silenced by the many obstacles in her way? In the meantime, what do you think Auntie Fae is up to? How will this affect Penelope?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. Do you think that the characters will be able to change Gritty City and/or human-rabbit relations for the better by the end of the comic? Of the characters, who do you think has the highest chance of doing so and why?

RebelVampire

8) I think Penelope will manage. Shes the determined sort who will probably persevere. Although I also feel that her testimony wont matter and that inevitably the bad guy will win. As for Auntie Fae, I'm not sure besides being racist. Although I actually think she has a bigger agenda then the characters realize quite yet. In the sense that theyll think she just wants to get rid of rabbits when shes up to bigger things. like helping out evil scientists or something. 9) I think they'll change relationships for the better but not by much. Change is a slow, slow process and the more you try to force it, the less it usually works. But that's okay and I think whatll maatter is just changing the hearts of even a few ppl. Like what happened with Nailbat because I found Nailbat's story was really strong because of that aspect. Even though Nailbat was just one person, he changed some people lives and also had his life changed. If I had to pick someone who would actually instigate change, then Penelope. Cause Penelope is a badass with words insofar and really seems to leave an impact on all the people she interacts with.

snuffysam

i haven't been able to get through the archive yet, but right now my favorite scene is when we first see penelope street preaching. i don't know why, but I like the idea of this stalking amy-rose-type turning out to be something completely different

my favorite character so far is juju. gets introduced as a witch, and immediately gets herself trapped in a doll. love her.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

RebelVampire

10) a lot of stuff. like im really looking forward to the robot being fixed, to pooky exploring the dark pooky stuff more, seeing penelope more, and so forth. theres a lot of really great threads that are building up and id love to see them start paying off and how cause im sure itll be epic! in general, while it took me a bit to get into it, i really enjoyed the comic once i did and the story started to show its hidden depths.

Delphina

I just want to pop in and say that I did make it partially through the archive this week, but probably won't have time to finish, and thought Penelope was a very cute character. I paged through a bit of the later pages too and loved seeing how the art/craftmanship progressed.

Delphina

((I don't know what the policy is on critique in these segments, so I will definitely strike this from the record if it's not appropriate @RebelVampire , but when the story started alternating between the Pooky storyline and the Nailbat storyline every other page is when I started to lose focus and eventually dropped off reading because it was too confusing to keep track of the story. I think these storylines would benefit from not being mixed in the archives. I definitely know the challenge of spending time fixing old stuff versus using that time to move forward, but if you decided to migrate the story to a PHP-based solution in the future instead of static HTML, archive curation would be a factor I'd strongly recommend considering.))

RebelVampire

@Delphina critiques are allowed as long as theyre constructive, respectful, and dont become the predominant topic of the conversation. so in my book this one is fine.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about AntiBunny: The Gritty City Stories this week! Please also give a special thank you to Vincent Davis aka Vinnie D. for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked AntiBunny: The Gritty City Stories, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://AntiBunny.com/

Vincent Davis’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AntiBunny

Vincent Davis’ Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/U6U7CGJG

Vincent Davis’ Twitter: https://twitter.com/AntiBunny